neg plot : two teen couples go to a church party  drink and then drive . they get into an accident . one of the guys dies  but his girlfriend continues to see him in her life  and has nightmares . what ', s the deal ? watch the movie and " sorta " find out . . . critique : a mind - fuck movie for the teen generation that touches on a very cool idea  but presents it in a very bad package . which is what makes this review an even harder one to write  since i generally applaud films which attempt to break the mold  mess with your head and such ( lost highway & memento )  but there are good and bad ways of making all types of films  and these folks just didn ', t snag this one correctly . they seem to have taken this pretty neat concept  but executed it terribly . so what are the problems with the movie ? well  its main problem is that it ', s simply too jumbled . it starts off " normal " but then downshifts into this " fantasy " world in which you  as an audience member  have no idea what ', s going on . there are dreams  there are characters coming back from the dead  there are others who look like the dead  there are strange apparitions  there are disappearances  there are a looooot of chase scenes  there are tons of weird things that happen  and most of it is simply not explained . now i personally don ', t mind trying to unravel a film every now and then  but when all it does is give me the same clue over and over again  i get kind of fed up after a while  which is this film ', s biggest problem . it ', s obviously got this big secret to hide  but it seems to want to hide it completely until its final five minutes . and do they make things entertaining  thrilling or even engaging  in the meantime ? not really . the sad part is that the arrow and i both dig on flicks like this  so we actually figured most of it out by the half - way point  so all of the strangeness after that did start to make a little bit of sense  but it still didn ', t the make the film all that more entertaining . i guess the bottom line with movies like this is that you should always make sure that the audience is " into it " even before they are given the secret password to enter your world of understanding . i mean  showing melissa sagemiller running away from visions for about 20 minutes throughout the movie is just plain lazy ! ! okay  we get it . . . there are people chasing her and we don ', t know who they are . do we really need to see it over and over again ? how about giving us different scenes offering further insight into all of the strangeness going down in the movie ? apparently  the studio took this film away from its director and chopped it up themselves  and it shows . there might ', ve been a pretty decent teen mind - fuck movie in here somewhere  but i guess " the suits " decided that turning it into a music video with little edge  would make more sense . the actors are pretty good for the most part  although wes bentley just seemed to be playing the exact same character that he did in american beauty  only in a new neighborhood . but my biggest kudos go out to sagemiller  who holds her own throughout the entire film  and actually has you feeling her character ', s unraveling . overall  the film doesn ', t stick because it doesn ', t entertain  it ', s confusing  it rarely excites and it feels pretty redundant for most of its runtime  despite a pretty cool ending and explanation to all of the craziness that came before it . oh  and by the way  this is not a horror or teen slasher flick . . . it ', s just packaged to look that way because someone is apparently assuming that the genre is still hot with the kids . it also wrapped production two years ago and has been sitting on the shelves ever since . whatever . . . skip it ! where ', s joblo coming from ? a nightmare of elm street 3 ( 7 / 10 ) - blair witch 2 ( 7 / 10 ) - the crow ( 9 / 10 ) - the crow : salvation ( 4 / 10 ) - lost highway ( 10 / 10 ) - memento ( 10 / 10 ) - the others ( 9 / 10 ) - stir of echoes ( 8 / 10 )
neg the happy bastard ', s quick movie review damn that y2k bug . it ', s got a head start in this movie starring jamie lee curtis and another baldwin brother ( william this time ) in a story regarding a crew of a tugboat that comes across a deserted russian tech ship that has a strangeness to it when they kick the power back on . little do they know the power within . . . going for the gore and bringing on a few action sequences here and there  virus still feels very empty  like a movie going for all flash and no substance . we don ', t know why the crew was really out in the middle of nowhere  we don ', t know the origin of what took over the ship ( just that a big pink flashy thing hit the mir )  and  of course  we don ', t know why donald sutherland is stumbling around drunkenly throughout . here  it ', s just " hey  let ', s chase these people around with some robots " . the acting is below average  even from the likes of curtis . you ', re more likely to get a kick out of her work in halloween h20 . sutherland is wasted and baldwin  well  he ', s acting like a baldwin  of course . the real star here are stan winston ', s robot design  some schnazzy cgi  and the occasional good gore shot  like picking into someone ', s brain . so  if robots and body parts really turn you on  here ', s your movie . otherwise  it ', s pretty much a sunken ship of a movie .
neg it is movies like these that make a jaded movie viewer thankful for the invention of the timex indiglo watch . based on the late 1960 ', s television show by the same name  the mod squad tells the tale of three reformed criminals under the employ of the police to go undercover . however  things go wrong as evidence gets stolen and they are immediately under suspicion . of course  the ads make it seem like so much more . quick cuts  cool music  claire dane ', s nice hair and cute outfits  car chases  stuff blowing up  and the like . sounds like a cool movie  does it not ? after the first fifteen minutes  it quickly becomes apparent that it is not . the mod squad is certainly a slick looking production  complete with nice hair and costumes  but that simply isn ', t enough . the film is best described as a cross between an hour - long cop show and a music video  both stretched out into the span of an hour and a half . and with it comes every single clich ? . it doesn ', t really matter that the film is based on a television show  as most of the plot elements have been recycled from everything we ', ve already seen . the characters and acting is nothing spectacular  sometimes even bordering on wooden . claire danes and omar epps deliver their lines as if they are bored  which really transfers onto the audience . the only one to escape relatively unscathed is giovanni ribisi  who plays the resident crazy man  ultimately being the only thing worth watching . unfortunately  even he ', s not enough to save this convoluted mess  as all the characters don ', t do much apart from occupying screen time . with the young cast  cool clothes  nice hair  and hip soundtrack  it appears that the film is geared towards the teenage mindset . despite an american ', r ', rating ( which the content does not justify )  the film is way too juvenile for the older mindset . information on the characters is literally spoon - fed to the audience ( would it be that hard to show us instead of telling us ? )  dialogue is poorly written  and the plot is extremely predictable . the way the film progresses  you likely won ', t even care if the heroes are in any jeopardy  because you ', ll know they aren ', t . basing the show on a 1960 ', s television show that nobody remembers is of questionable wisdom  especially when one considers the target audience and the fact that the number of memorable films based on television shows can be counted on one hand ( even one that ', s missing a finger or two ) . the number of times that i checked my watch ( six ) is a clear indication that this film is not one of them . it is clear that the film is nothing more than an attempt to cash in on the teenage spending dollar  judging from the rash of really awful teen - flicks that we ', ve been seeing as of late . avoid this film at all costs .
neg " quest for camelot " is warner bros . ', first feature - length  fully - animated attempt to steal clout from disney ', s cartoon empire  but the mouse has no reason to be worried . the only other recent challenger to their throne was last fall ', s promising  if flawed  20th century fox production " anastasia  " but disney ', s " hercules  " with its lively cast and colorful palate  had her beat hands - down when it came time to crown 1997 ', s best piece of animation . this year  it ', s no contest  as " quest for camelot " is pretty much dead on arrival . even the magic kingdom at its most mediocre -- that ', d be " pocahontas " for those of you keeping score -- isn ', t nearly as dull as this . the story revolves around the adventures of free - spirited kayley ( voiced by jessalyn gilsig )  the early - teen daughter of a belated knight from king arthur ', s round table . kayley ', s only dream is to follow in her father ', s footsteps  and she gets her chance when evil warlord ruber ( gary oldman )  an ex - round table member - gone - bad  steals arthur ', s magical sword excalibur and accidentally loses it in a dangerous  booby - trapped forest . with the help of hunky  blind timberland - dweller garrett ( carey elwes ) and a two - headed dragon ( eric idle and don rickles ) that ', s always arguing with itself  kayley just might be able to break the medieval sexist mold and prove her worth as a fighter on arthur ', s side . " quest for camelot " is missing pure showmanship  an essential element if it ', s ever expected to climb to the high ranks of disney . there ', s nothing here that differentiates " quest " from something you ', d see on any given saturday morning cartoon -- subpar animation  instantly forgettable songs  poorly - integrated computerized footage . ( compare kayley and garrett ', s run - in with the angry ogre to herc ', s battle with the hydra . i rest my case . ) even the characters stink -- none of them are remotely interesting  so much that the film becomes a race to see which one can out - bland the others . in the end  it ', s a tie -- they all win . that dragon ', s comedy shtick is awfully cloying  but at least it shows signs of a pulse . at least fans of the early "-'", 90s tgif television line - up will be thrilled to find jaleel " urkel " white and bronson " balki " pinchot sharing the same footage . a few scenes are nicely realized ( though i ', m at a loss to recall enough to be specific )  and the actors providing the voice talent are enthusiastic ( though most are paired up with singers who don ', t sound a thing like them for their big musical moments -- jane seymour and celine dion ? ? ? ) . but one must strain through too much of this mess to find the good . aside from the fact that children will probably be as bored watching this as adults  " quest for camelot " ', s most grievous error is its complete lack of personality . and personality  we learn from this mess  goes a very long way .
neg synopsis : a mentally unstable man undergoing psychotherapy saves a boy from a potentially fatal accident and then falls in love with the boy ', s mother  a fledgling restauranteur . unsuccessfully attempting to gain the woman ', s favor  he takes pictures of her and kills a number of people in his way . comments : stalked is yet another in a seemingly endless string of spurned - psychos - getting - their - revenge type movies which are a stable category in the 1990s film industry  both theatrical and direct - to - video . their proliferation may be due in part to the fact that they ', re typically inexpensive to produce ( no special effects  no big name stars ) and serve as vehicles to flash nudity ( allowing them to frequent late - night cable television ) . stalked wavers slightly from the norm in one respect : the psycho never actually has an affair ; on the contrary  he ', s rejected rather quickly ( the psycho typically is an ex - lover  ex - wife  or ex - husband ) . other than that  stalked is just another redundant entry doomed to collect dust on video shelves and viewed after midnight on cable . stalked does not provide much suspense  though that is what it sets out to do . interspersed throughout the opening credits  for instance  a serious - sounding narrator spouts statistics about stalkers and ponders what may cause a man to stalk ( it ', s implicitly implied that all stalkers are men ) while pictures of a boy are shown on the screen . after these credits  a snapshot of actor jay underwood appears . the narrator states that " this is the story of daryl gleason " and tells the audience that he is the stalker . of course  really  this is the story of restauranteur brooke daniels . if the movie was meant to be about daryl  then it should have been called stalker not stalked . okay . so we know who the stalker is even before the movie starts ; no guesswork required . stalked proceeds  then  as it begins : obvious  obvious  obvious . the opening sequence  contrived quite a bit  brings daryl and brooke ( the victim ) together . daryl obsesses over brooke  follows her around  and tries to woo her . ultimately rejected by her  his plans become more and more desperate and elaborate . these plans include the all - time  psycho - in - love  cliche : the murdered pet . for some reason  this genre ', s films require a dead pet to be found by the victim stalked . stalked is no exception ( it ', s a cat this time -- found in the shower ) . events like these lead to the inevitable showdown between stalker and stalked  where only one survives ( guess who it invariably always is and you ', ll guess the conclusion to this turkey ) . stalked ', s cast is uniformly adequate : not anything to write home about but also not all that bad either . jay underwood  as the stalker  turns toward melodrama a bit too much . he overdoes it  in other words  but he still manages to be creepy enough to pass as the type of stalker the story demands . maryam d ', abo  about the only actor close to being a star here ( she played the bond chick in the living daylights )  is equally adequate as the " stalked " of the title  even though she seems too ditzy at times to be a strong  independent business - owner . brooke ( d ', abo ) needs to be ditzy  however  for the plot to proceed . toward the end  for example  brooke has her suspicions about daryl . to ensure he won ', t use it as another excuse to see her  brooke decides to return a toolbox he had left at her place to his house . does she just leave the toolbox at the door when no one answers ? of course not . she tries the door  opens it  and wanders around the house . when daryl returns  he enters the house  of course  so our heroine is in danger . somehow  even though her car is parked at the front of the house  right by the front door  daryl is oblivious to her presence inside . the whole episode places an incredible strain on the audience ', s suspension of disbelief and questions the validity of either character ', s intelligence . stalked receives two stars because  even though it is highly derivative and somewhat boring  it is not so bad that it cannot be watched . rated r mostly for several murder scenes and brief nudity in a strip bar  it is not as offensive as many other thrillers in this genre are . if you ', re in the mood for a good suspense film  though  stake out something else .
neg capsule : in 2176 on the planet mars police taking into custody an accused murderer face the title menace . there is a lot of fighting and not a whole lot of story otherwise . john carpenter reprises so many ideas from his previous films  especially assault on precinct 13  that the new film comes off as his homage to himself .  0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) . john carpenter apparently believes that action scenes in which people fight something horrible are the same as horror scenes . for a writer and director of horror films  supposedly an expert on horror  it is a very bad mistake to make . ghosts of mars is called a horror movie  but it is more just a drawn out fight between humans and a surprisingly low - powered alien menace . in addition if anybody but john carpenter had made ghosts of mars  carpenter would have grounds to sue . this film is just chock full of pieces taken from assault on precinct 13  the thing  and prince of darkness . it is  in fact  surprising that carpenter managed to fit so many pieces of his previous work into this film in such an admittedly novel way . but that still does not make for a really good science fiction experience . ghosts of mars takes place in the year 2176 . mars has been mostly terraformed so that humans can walk on the surface without breathing gear ( which is good for the film ', s budget ) . it is never mentioned  but the gravity on mars has been increased somehow to earth - normal  again making it easier to film . society has changed a bit by that time  but it has advanced surprisingly little . apparently the culture has changed so that women are much more in positions of control . and from carpenter ', s view  women have really made a mess of things . society has stagnated under female control so that beyond some minor technological advances society has changed less in 175 years than we might expect it to change in ten . the basic plot of ghosts of mars has much in common with that of assault on precinct 13 except that precinct 9 ( yes  precinct 9 ) has been replaced by a somewhat tacky looking rundown martian mining colony . instead of having the criminal " napolean " wilson  this film has the criminal " desolation " williams . instead of facing hoodlums with automatic weapons the police face  well  ghosts of mars . because the ghosts are somewhat alien in nature they should behave in some alien manner  but they essentially behave as human savages  in another lapse of imagination . the story is told in flashback  flashback within flashback  and flashback within flashback within flashback . ghosts of mars takes place entirely at night and is filmed almost entirely in tones of red  yellow  and black . carpenter manages to give us a powerful opening scene  showing a mining train rushing through the martian night to the sound of music with a heavy beat . sadly what follows is not really up to the buildup . the terror he creates looks a little too much like fugitive wannabes from the rock band kiss . his idea of building suspense is having a bunch of sudden jump scenes that sucker the viewer into thinking something scary is happening and then prove to be just something boring . these are standard haunted house film shock effects that require no great talent to give the audience . somewhat newer but also unimpressive are the cgi digital decapitations in some of the fights . within a short stretch of time we have seen the release of mission to mars  red planet  and ghosts of mars . after mission to mars was panned by too many reviewers it looks better and better and better as time goes by . i rate ghosts of mars a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale . following the movie i showed my wife  who liked ghosts of mars moderately more than i did  carpenter ', s classic assault on precinct 13 . her comment is that it was seeing the same film twice .
neg so ask yourself what " 8mm " ( " eight millimeter " ) is really all about . is it about a wholesome surveillance man who loses sight of his values after becoming enmeshed in the seedy  sleazy underworld of hardcore pornography ? is it about the business itself  how  bubbling just beneath the surface of big - town americana  there ', s a sordid world of sick and depraved people who won ', t necessarily stop short of murder in order to satisfy their sick and twisted desires ? or is it about those who can  those who are in a position to influence the making of the kinds of films sick and demented people want to see ? i ', m not talking about snuff films  supposed " documentaries " of victims being brutalized and killed on camera . i ', m talking about films like " 8mm " and its director  joel schumacher . with a recent run of big budget movies to his credit -- " batman & robin  " " a time to kill  " " batman forever  " " the client " -- schumacher certainly has that kind of influence . is " 8mm " something you really want to see ? probably not . the first two - thirds of " 8mm " unwind as a fairly conventional missing persons drama  albeit with a particularly unsavory core . then  as it ', s been threatening all along  the film explodes into violence . and just when you think it ', s finally over  schumacher tags on a ridiculous self - righteous finale that drags the whole unpleasant experience down even further . trust me . there are better ways to waste two hours of your life . nicolas ', " snake eyes " ', cage plays private investigator tom welles who is hired by a wealthy philadelphia widow to determine whether a reel of film found in her late husband ', s safe documents a young girl ', s murder . welles goes about his assignment rather matter - of - factly  and the pieces of the puzzle fall into place rather neatly  almost as if you don ', t need any specialized skills or training to do this . welles certainly makes it look easy . and cops  obviously  never look in toilet tanks for clues . the deeper welles digs into his investigation the more obsessed he becomes  like george c . scott in paul schrader ', s " hardcore . " occasionally  a little flickering sound whirs in his head like sprockets winding through a film projector  reminding him of his unpleasant task . there are hints that this is taking its toll on his lovely wife  played by catherine keener  who is frustrated by her husband spending all of his time in cleveland rather than in their ugly split - level home in harrisburg  pa . " 8mm " doesn ', t condemn or condone its subject matter  it just exploits it . the irony  of course  is that schumacher and " seven " scribe andrew kevin walker ', s vision of life in the snuff lane is limited by what they can show in an r - rated  first - run hollywood product . so we only see snippets of snuff  and a lot more footage of nicolas cage covering his face in horror . later it ', s the turn of joaquin phoenix ( who ', s quite good and by far the film ', s most interesting character as adult bookstore flunky max california ) to cover his face as the horrid thing is screened over and over again . all this to get to the familiar yet offensive " revelation " that sexual deviants are not  indeed  monsters but everyday people like you and me . neither super nor standard  " 8mm " is shocking only in its banality .
neg that ', s exactly how long the movie felt to me . there weren ', t even nine laughs in nine months . it ', s a terrible mess of a movie starring a terrible mess of a man  mr . hugh grant  a huge dork . it ', s not the whole oral - sex / prostitution thing ( referring to grant  not me ) that bugs me  it ', s the fact that grant is annoying . not just adam sandler - annoying  we ', re talking jim carrey - annoying . since when do eye flutters and nervous smiles pass for acting ? but  on the other hand  since when do really bad slapstick ( a fistfight in the delivery room culminating in grant ', s head in joan cusack ', s lap -- a scene he paid $ 60 to have included in the movie ) and obscene double entendres ( robin williams  the obstetrician  tells grant ', s pregnant girlfriend she has " a big pussy  " referring of course to the size of the cat hairs on her coat  but nonetheless  grant paid $ 60 to have the exchange included in the movie ) pass for comedy ? nine months is a predictable cookie - cutter movie with no originality in humor or plot . hugh grant plays a successful child psychiatrist . why a child psychologist ? so the scriptwriters could inject the following unfunny exchange : kid : my dad ', s an asshole . grant ( flutters eyelashes  offers a nervous smile  then responds in his annoying english accent and i - think - i - actually - have - talent attitude ) : could you possibly elaborate on that ? kid : my dad ', s a _huge_ asshole . more like a hugh asshole  but that ', s beside the point  which is : nine months includes too many needlessly stupid jokes that get laughs from the ten year olds in the audience while everyone else shakes his or her head in disbelief . so  anyway  grant finds out his girlfriend is pregnant and does his usual reaction ( fluttered eyelashes  nervous smiles ) . this paves the way for every possible pregnancy / child birth gag in the book  especially since grant ', s equally annoying friend ', s wife is also pregnant . the annoying friend is played by tom arnold  who provides most of the cacophonous slapstick  none of which is funny  such as a scene where arnold beats up a costumed " arnie the dinosaur " ( you draw your own parallels on that one ) in a toy store . the only interesting character in the movie is played by jeff goldblum  who should have hid himself away somewhere after the dreadful hideaway  as an artist with a fear of ( and simultaneous longing for ) commitment . not even robin williams  who plays a russian doctor who has recently decided to switch from veterinary medicine to obstetrics  has much humor . his is a one - joke character -- the old foreign - guy - who - mispronounces - english stereotype ( did someone say yakov smirnov ? that ', s my favorite vodka  by the way )  hence the line " now it ', s time to take a look at your volvo  " another nasty but unamusing joke  except this one goes right over the ten year olds ', heads  while the adults simultaneously groan . nine months is a complete failure  low on laughs and intelligence and high on loud  unfunny slapstick  failed jokes and other uninspired lunacy . hugh grant ', s sunset boulevard arrest ( please  no caught - with - his - pants - down jokes ) may bring more people into the theaters  but they certainly won ', t leave with a smile on their faces  not after 90 minutes of grant ', s nervous smiles . everything in the movie is so forced  so unauthentic that anyone with an i . q . over 80 ( sorry  hugh ) will know they wasted their money on an unfulfilled desire . but at least they didn ', t spend 60 bucks for it .
neg call it a road trip for the walking wounded . stellan skarsg ? rd plays such a convincingly zombified drunken loser that it ', s difficult to spend nearly two hours of screen time in his smelly  boozed - out presence . yet this ever - reliable swedish actor adds depth and significance to the otherwise plodding and forgettable aberdeen  a sentimental and painfully mundane european drama . playwright august strindberg built his career on families and relationships paralyzed by secrets  unable to express their longings until the hour is far too late . that ', s an accurate reflection of what aberdeen strives for  focusing on the pairing of an alcoholic father  tomas ( skarsg ? rd ) and his alienated  openly hostile yuppie daughter  kaisa ( lena headey  gossip ) . they haven ', t spoken in years  and wouldn ', t even be making the long trip from norway to aberdeen  scotland by automobile if it weren ', t for kaisa ', s mother ( charlotte rampling  under the sand ) rotting away in a hospital bed from cancer . in a soap opera twist  mother has only a few days to live . ( only in the movies  right ? ) too blitzed to even step foot on a plane  tomas hits the open road with kaisa . loathing each other all the while  they make periodic stops for tomas to puke on the dashboard or pass out -- whenever he isn ', t muttering what a rotten kid she turned out to be . despite his sloshed viewpoint  tomas recognizes that the apple hasn ', t fallen very far from the tree . kaisa gets nosebleeds from snorting coke  sabotages her personal relationships through indifference  and is unable to restrain her quick and vindictive temper . ain ', t they a pair ? unable to find true notes of unspoken familial empathy in the one - note and repetitively bitchy dialogue  screenwriters kristin amundsen and hans petter moland fabricate a series of contrivances to propel events forward -- lost money  roving street hooligans looking for drunks to kick around  nosy cops  and flat tires all figure into the schematic and convenient narrative . by the time they reach the hospital  it ', s time to unveil the secrets from a dark past that are not only simplistic devices that trivialize the father - daughter conflict  they ', re also the mainstays of many a bad strindberg wannabe . this revelation exists purely for its own sake . aberdeen doesn ', t know where else to go . weak  unimaginative casting thwarts the pivotal role of kaisa . if lena headey were a stronger actress  perhaps aberdeen could have been able to coast on the performances and moody  haunting cinematography ( rendering norway into its own pastoral ghost world -- the reference to a certain superior american indie flick intentional ) . headey ', s too busy acting  using her face and furrowed brow to convey every last twitch of insouciance . if she were paying any attention to skarsg ? rd  maybe she ', d figure out that doing less can reveal so much more . it ', s worthwhile to compare aberdeen to an earlier film released in 2001  jonathan nossiter ', s captivating signs & wonders . it ', s not just because skarsg ? rd and rampling played disturbed parental figures in both films ( they ', re not bound by ceremonial wedlock in aberdeen ) . the differences in the way their characters were presented is significant . in aberdeen  rampling is a luminous diva  preening and static in her hospital bed . despite skarsg ? rd ', s solid performance as tomas  his pathetic drunk is never given much of a chance to emote anything besides catatonic sorrow . there ', s genuine ferocity and sexually charged frisson during their understated confrontations in signs & wonders  allowing them to suggest a gray zone of complications that accompany torn romance and years of stifled curiosity . nossiter ', s film thoroughly explores this neurotic territory in addition to delving into the americanization of greece and the use of mysticism as an illusion to deflect pain . if signs & wonders sometimes feels overloaded with ideas  at least it ', s willing to stretch beyond what we ', ve come to expect from traditional drama . aberdeen is never half so ambitious  content to sleepwalk through the rhythms and timing of other movies . when did character driven stories stop paying attention to the complexities of real life ? the depressing answer can be found in lawrence kasdan ', s trite but occasionally useful grand canyon  where steve martin ', s hollywood mogul pronounces  " all of life ', s riddles are answered in the movies ! " even foreign films are taking that advice to heart .
neg plot : a young french boy sees his parents killed before his eyes by tim roth  oops . . . i mean  an evil man . he vows revenge on that man and is taught the ways of the musketeer by some old dude who used to be one himself ? anyway  fourteen years go by and . . . arrgh  well  you know the rest . . . swish - swish - zzzzzzz ! critique : this is a pretty bad movie . let ', s see  where should i start ? okay  first of all  the story is just plain boring . it ', s not original  is entirely predictable and lacks energy . okay  what ', s next ? acting  you say . hmmmm  well  the main actor  justin chambers  is basically an uncharismatic version of chris o ', donnell but with less range ( think about that ! )  and mena suvari  is just plain off . not as bad as thora birch was in dungeons & dragons  but entirely miscast  with bad deliveries  awful sequences and a piss - poor accent that comes and goes . now i ', m not sure if this was ms . suvari ', s fault or the director ', s  but i ', ve definitely seen her at a much higher level than in this film . the only semi - saving grace actor - wise is tim roth as the irrepressible " bad guy "  but once again  it ', s not something that we haven ', t seen before . . . a thousand times . . . by the same guy ! ! tim  please . . . for the love of god  beg your agent to ask the marketplace for some modern day " american roles " for you as a " nice guy " in a romantic comedy or something . stretch  dude . . . stretch ! ! we all know that you can do much better than this gunk . alright  what else was bad in this film ? oh yeah  the score ! yikes  how ', s about taking it down a few notches there  fellas ? this thing blares in your ear whenever it feels the need to accentuate a certain scene  but actually does little more than annoy . i think it ', s important for the man behind the music to recognize that this film isn ', t a " real epic " by any stretch of the imagination . it ', s a fluffy rehashed cake - walk created by some " shrewd " studio heads who decided to take advantage of the whole " kung - fu " phenomenon in films  and test it out on an old classic . dudes . . . you failed all around ! ( keep reading ) the editing is also pretty shoddy in this movie  the dialogue banal and stilted and the plot problems . . . plentiful ! ( why does the guy on top of the horse carriage just stand there when his opponent takes forever scampering his way back to the top ? why don ', t they just cut the mouseketeer ', s rope at the top of the tower  instead of jumping down on their own chords and fighting him while hanging ? why doesn ', t anybody look a day older  when the sequence says " 14 years later " ? ( at least . . . change your shirt  man ! ) keep in mind that i have never strayed away from championing certain movies that are created simply for the sake of a " fun time "  but this flick just didn ', t cut it for me . it was boring for stretches  the acting was atrocious at times ( the " romantic " scene between suvari and chambers next to the lake reminded me of plays in high school which made you cringe )  there was little reason to care for anyone and since when were the musketeers fat ? i will give the movie this much  and that is that its main reason for being ( its " raison - d ', etre "  as the french would say )  its fight sequences  do come through despite the lack of their numbers in the film . i was hoping that the movie would be packed with cool stuntwork as promoted in its trailer  but what you see there  are essentially the snippets from the two major ( and cool ) swashbuckling sequences from the film . the first comes right at the beginning of the movie  while the other essentially finishes the film off  hanging from the tower and juggling off ladders . the ladder sequence itself is a definite keeper but unfortunately the rest of the movie is just regurgitated crap . and can anyone please tell me how catherine deneuve got her name placed at the top of this film ', s credits ? hullo ? the film is called the musketeer and stars a dude name justin chambers . deneuve is barely in this movie ! ugh  just another small thing that annoyed me about this trash . now say it together  gang : " all for one  and one for all . . . we vow to stay away from it all ! ! " thank me later . where ', s joblo coming from ? a knight ', s tale ( 7 / 10 ) - american outlaws ( 5 / 10 ) - crouching tiger  hidden dragon ( 7 / 10 ) - the matrix ( 8 / 10 ) - the replacement killers ( 6 / 10 ) - romeo must die ( 3 / 10 ) - shanghai noon ( 6 / 10 )
neg best remembered for his understated performance as dr . hannibal lecter in michael mann ', s forensics thriller  manhunter  scottish character actor brian cox brings something special to every movie he works on . usually playing a bit role in some studio schlock ( he dies halfway through the long kiss goodnight )  he ', s only occasionally given something meaty and substantial to do . if you want to see some brilliant acting  check out his work as a dogged police inspector opposite frances mcdormand in ken loach ', s hidden agenda . cox plays the role of big john harrigan in the disturbing new indie flick l . i . e .  which lot 47 picked up at sundance when other distributors were scared to budge . big john feels the love that dares not speak its name  but he expresses it through seeking out adolescents and bringing them back to his pad . what bothered some audience members was the presentation of big john in an oddly empathetic light . he ', s an even - tempered  funny  robust old man who actually listens to the kids ', problems ( as opposed to their parents and friends  both caught up in the high - wire act of their own confused lives . ) he ', ll have sex - for - pay with them only after an elaborate courtship  charming them with temptations from the grown - up world . l . i . e . stands for long island expressway  which slices through the strip malls and middle - class homes of suburbia . filmmaker michael cuesta uses it as a ( pretty transparent ) metaphor of dangerous escape for his 15 - year old protagonist  howie ( paul franklin dano ) . in his opening voice - over  howie reveals a morbid preoccupation with death on the road  citing the l . i . e . highway deaths of filmmaker alan j . pakula  songwriter harry chapin  and his own mother on exit 52 . he ', s both fascinated and disturbed by the l . i . e .  and those feelings are projected onto big john ( who follows howie around in his bright red car  but never makes a move to force the boy to do something he doesn ', t want to do . this makes him much more complex than the usual child molesters seen in movies -- he ', s a beast  but ashamed of it . ) l . i . e . would have worked best as a half - hour short film about howie ', s ill - advised foray into big john ', s haven . there is unnecessary padding with howie ', s miserable dad ( bruce altman ) in the hot seat for a white - collar crime  degenerate youngsters who get their kicks from robbing middle - class houses  and some homoerotic shenanigans with wise - ass gary terrio ( billy kay )  a handsome artful dodger . rather than add to the themes of suburban ennui ( not that we needed another movie on that subject )  these awkward subplots pad out the running time to adequate feature length . concurrently  the relationship between howie and big john is evenly paced and exceptionally well acted . cox  sporting a baseball cap and a faded marine tattoo  is all bluff and bluster . dano is quiet and at first glance seems so withdrawn as to be transparent . we ', re so used to child actors whose dramatic choices are broad and obvious ( calling haley joel ! )  it ', s surprising to see one who actually listens throughout any given scene . the restraint is admirable . but l . i . e . ', s screenplay doesn ', t always give them the best material . when howie reads big john a walt whitman poem  the moment feels a bit too precious . director michael cuesta lingers on an ecstatic reaction shot of big john  who may as well be hearing glenn gould performing bach ', s goldberg variations . it ', s too much . there are also some obvious dramatic contrivances involving big john ', s other boy toy ( walter masterson )  jealous over the newbie . this plot thread predictably leads to violence . not content to be a haunting  observational portrait of teen alienation in a royally screwed up world ( like terry zwigoff ', s superb ghost world )  cuesta lacks the confidence in his own work to end on an ambivalent note . it ', s typical of unimaginative cinema to wrap things up with a bullet  sparing the writers from actually having to come up with a complex  philosophical note . in this regard  l . i . e . ( and countless other indie films ) share something in common with blockbuster action films : problems are solved when the obstacle is removed . how often does real life work this way ? to extend the question : if a movie is striving for realism  do dramatic contrivances destroy the illusion ?
neg janeane garofalo in a romantic comedy -- it was a good idea a couple years ago with the truth about cats and dogs but is almost excruciating in the matchmaker . this is a by - the - books movie that plods along on a predestined course with no surprises and very few laughs . it also jumps on the ever - popular political satire bandwagon and manages to fall flat there  too . garofalo plays a campaign aide to a massacusetts senator ( jay o . sanders ) running for reelection . denis leary plays the stereotypical strategist with no ethics who decides the only way for the scandal - plagued senator to win is to play up his irish roots and cash in on that boston roman catholic democrat contingent that ', s made the kennedy family so popular . so leary orders garofalo to go to ireland and dig up some relatives to exploit . she soon learns why " easier said than done " is the mantra of movies like this . the matchmaker falls for every cliche of things that can go wrong -- garofalo has to take a tiny plane to ireland  almost misses the bus to town  can ', t get a hotel room  ends up in the smallest  trashiest one around  has a dog piss on her luggage  and so on . then comes what roger ebert calls the " meet cute . " it happens in every romance : the man and woman have to meet each other for the first time in some unconventional  cinematic way . in the matchmaker  it happens when garofalo walks into her hotel bathroom and finds a nude sean ( david o ', hara ) in the bathtub  his dog sitting at his side . no points for guessing it ', s the same dog that just made water on her luggage . also no points for guessing garofalo hates o ', hara on sight . that ', s how it works in movies like these . i know from the instant i saw that irishman in the bathtub that she ', d hate him for awhile  then succumb to his charms  live happily for a reel or so before allowing some superficial detail to throw the relationship into turmoil  after which they ', d reconcile in time for a happy irish tune to play over the end credits . i haven ', t mentioned the movie ', s twist yet . garofalo comes to the small ireland town during the annual matchmaking festival  during which lonely folks from around the county pair off into a future of bliss . milo o ', shea ( who looks like an irish tom snyder ) is the matchmaker who pops onscreen occasionally to spew his words of wisdom and bring lonely souls together . rest assured he ', ll do all he can to match up garofalo and o ', hara . oh  and in keeping with the matchmaker ', s utter predictability  he dies toward the end . what the message here ? sometimes even the most respectable person of comedic distinction  like garofalo  will sell out with a weak script . i was excited to see garofalo and leary in the same movie  but they actually only have two or three scenes together . leary stays stateside  for the most part  yelling at garofalo over the phone and generally being an asshole . he even undoes himself with the old microphone ', s still on after he ', s done giving the speech cliche . both of them should have known better .
neg and now the high - flying hong kong style of filmmaking has made its way down to the classics  and it isn ', t pretty . this time out the nod to asia goes by way of france in the excruciating bland and lukewarm production of the musketeer  a version of dumas ', s the three musketeers . by bringing in popular asian actor / stunt coordinator xing xing xiong -- whose only prior american attempts at stunt choreography have been the laughable van damme vehicle double team and the dennis rodman cinematic joke simon sez -- our musketeers are thrown into the air to do their fighting . the end result is a tepid and dull action / adventure rip - off that stinks of indiana jones and bad asian kung fu . the story is so simple my grandmother could have adapted the screenplay . d ', artagnan ( justin chambers ) is the vengeful son of a slain musketeer . he travels to paris to join the royal musketeers and find the man that killed his parents . in paris  he meets the cunning cardinal richelieu ( stephen rea )  who is trying to overthrow the king  and richelieu ', s man - in - black associate febre ( tim roth )  the killer of his folks . he finds the musketeers in paris disbanded and drunk  so he rounds up aramis ( nick moran )  athos ( jan gregor kremp ) and porthos ( steven spiers ) to free the musketeer ', s wrongfully imprisoned leader treville from the king ', s prison . d ', artagnan and his new frisky love interest / chambermaid francesca ( mena suvari ) play footsy and coo at each other as the cardinal hunts down the musketeers until finally the queen ( catherine deneuve ) ends up being captured by the menancing febre  forcing the musketeers to regroup  with d ', artagnan leading the charge  and save the day . director peter hyams ( end of days ) obviously wanted to blend eastern and western filmmaking styles  but here it ', s a disaster . one problem is that  in reality  most eastern films have taken their lead from western ones . jet li ', s high risk is a rip - off of die hard -- not the other way around . ironically  there is awfully little swordplay or action in the film at all -- maybe ten minutes of swashbuckling spread over five scenes . most asian action films carry the bulk of their production with 20 - to 30 - minute action sequences  because they know the scenes have to carry the picture . the musketeer instead weighs itself down with a predictable and monotonous screenplay by gene quintano ( sudden death )  horrible acting by stephen rea and tim roth  and the prosaic attempt of justin chambers ( the wedding planner ) to deliver his mousy self as a leader . chambers ', d ', artangnan isn ', t a musketeer -- he ', s a mouseketeer ! and hyam ', s use of candles and torches to light the grime and filth of 17th century paris are well - noted  but that ', s the only standout in an overall flat production .
neg a movie like mortal kombat : annihilation works ( and must be reviewed on ) multiple levels . first  there ', s the rampant usage of randian subtext that pervades the entire movie . but occasionaly  almost as if making an ironic  self - depreciating remark  the movie tosses in clearly marxist imagery . no no . . . just kidding . had you going there for a moment  didn ', t i ? in all seriousness however  and to be fair to the movie  it * is * necessary to provide two viewpoints : that of a movie watcher unfamiliar ( or only marginally familiar ) with the whole mortal kombat phenomenon  and that of a fan of the first movie and / or a fan of the games . the first movie ( mortal kombat ( 1995 ) ) concerned itself with a martial arts tournament that would decide the fate of earth ( and it ', s 5 billion inhabitants ) . the mortals won  and in theory this should have prevented the emperor shao khan from taking over the earth . unfortunately  shao khan was a poor loser  and the very final scene in mortal kombat showed him arriving anyway  ready to take over the planet  as our heroes assumed a fighting stance . the first movie was extraordinarily entertaining for those ( like myself ) who are fans of the game . i ', d even go so far as to say that many folks who didn ', t know about the game probably enjoyed the movie . the writers and directors knew the limitations of both their cast and of the basic story itself  and they didn ', t try to overachieve . there were a lot of really cool fight scenes ( with really cool accompanying music )  intersperesed with some distracting ( but ultimately non - intrusive ) bits of fluff passing itself off as a plot . and  as we know  the movie was a smashing success at the box office . mortal kombat : annihilation picks up precisely where that movie left off  with some introductory exposition to clue in those who may not have seen the first movie . shao khan has decided that he ', s going to take over the earth * anyways *  and to hell with some silly rule about mortals winning the tournament . thereafter follows approximately 85 minutes of film that alternates between being confused  being trite  being silly  and being just plain stupid . one gets the general impression that the producers of the movie thought " hey  that last movie was such a success that we can get more money and make a * real * movie now . " too bad they didn ', t simply stick with the formula from the first movie . i could write volumes about the things that are wrong with this picture  but here are the high points : * the acting is truly bad . sandra hess ( playing the sonya blade character ) is particularly execrable  especially in scenes where she tries to convince us that she loved johnny cage ( a character from the first movie who gets greased at the beginning of this movie ) . * in one of the worst pieces of mis - casting i think i ', ve * ever * seen  james remar plays raiden  the god of thunder . in the first movie  christopher lambert played raiden and played his character as though he was in on the joke : a french actor playing a japanese thunder god being revered by chinese mystics . i generally like it when actors are cast against type ( tim " tiny " lister  jr . being cast as the president of the u . s . in the fifth element  for example )  and remar has always been one of my favorite " utility " actors but he ', s so totally wrong for this part that he doesn ', t even have the luxury of amused self - awareness . * there are too many characters that are introduced as being potentially important  but then never seen again . * there are a number of completely meaningless story sidetracks  including a muddled scene where liu kang ( robin shou ) seeks out nightwolf ( litefoot )  has a mystical hallucination  and then wanders off with jade ( irina pantaeva ) . for these reasons ( and many others )  i can only give the movie a 2 . . . . . . unless you ', re a huge fan of the games and / or the first movie . in that case  the following critiques also apply : * sandra hess  while being an even worse actress than bridgette wilson ( who played sonya blade in the first movie )  is much more convincing as a fighter . wilson looked like she was simply mimicing some movements taught to her by the fight choreographer . hess looks like she actually knows some martial arts  and puts together a much more believable fight scene . * in the fights  each of the characters does at least * one * thing they do in the game ( and often more ) . sonya does her " kiss of death  " jax does his " earthquake  " liu kang does his " animality  " and so on . a big bonus for those of us who were looking for similar moves in the first movie and found them only rarely . * there aren ', t as many fight scenes in this movie as there were in the first  because the folks making the movie mistakenly try to hang a more robust plot in between . silly  silly folks . and the lamest fight involved two of the women in what turns into a mud - wrestling match . lame and so obviously sexist even i ( politically incorrect  for the most part ) noticed and remarked upon it . * the special effects are generally better  except for the final fight scene between the emporer and liu kang in which both perform their " animalities . " motaro and sheeva are both more convincing and lifelike than goro was in the first movie . for folks like myself who loved the first movie and enjoy the games  i give this a 5 . you ', ll probably like it  but not nearly as much as you liked the first one .
neg she was the femme in " la femme nikita . " he was the baldwin in " backdraft  " " sliver  " and " fair game " ( with cindy crawford ) . together  anne parillaud and william baldwin conspire to make " shattered image " the biggest piece of hooey since the stallone / stone " thriller " " the specialist . " the film poses the question " what if the life you ', re living now is really a dream  and your dreams reality ? " it ', s either about a woman who ', s haunted by a recurring ( and recurring and recurring ) nightmare that she ', s a hired assassin  or it ', s about a hired assassin who ', s haunted by a recurring ( and recurring and recurring ) nightmare that she ', s honeymooning with william baldwin in jamaica . it doesn ', t much matter and believe me by the time " shattered image " runs its painful and pedestrian course you won ', t care . these two lives  with parillaud looking like siouxsie sioux with a black wig  black emotionless eyes  and black leather clothing in the seattle - based assassin scenes  and moping around like karen carpenter in the jamaica scenes  play out endlessly throughout the film and the result is it ', s now * twice * as boring as it might have been . it ', s not that complicated plots can ', t be entertaining . of course it helps if you have interesting characters  crisp dialogue  and a modicum of style . " shattered image " isn ', t complex  it ', s just stupid . and boring . parillaud and baldwin  who aren ', t exactly shakespearean material to begin with  are saddled with such leaden dialogue that their characters have zero chance of breaking free of their cardboard confines . lines like : " you don ', t beg  you insist . i like that in a woman . " that ', s parillaud ', s character talking . . . to her cat ! and : " you ', re not the reason i couldn ', t care less about you . " huh ? and this wonderful bathroom interchange early in the film : " if you give me a couple of minutes you know i ', ll charm the pants off you . " " i don ', t have that kind of time . " talking of pants  parillaud has her clothes off faster than you can say " point of no return . " we have come to expect this from billy baldwin  but it might have been nice to have learned something about their characters first . but there ', s nothing to learn . karen is as interesting as a cereal box  a someone ', s - out - to - get - me crybaby who imagines the voice at the other end of the phone  the stranger who sends her flowers  maybe even her husband himself  is her would - be killer . siouxsie is the chromium cool  tough - as - nails crack killing machine who shoots out a couple of mirrors in order to justify the film ', s meaningless stock title . baldwin seems more interested in parillaud ', s nest egg ( so that he can pave paradise and put up a parking lot ) than he does in her . each time graham greene shows up he gets killed . barbet schroeder ( " reversal of fortune " ) co - produced and should be ashamed of himself . every now and again it ', s fun to watch a really bad movie . and every now and again  as " shattered image " makes agonizingly clear  it isn ', t .
neg john carpenter makes b - movies . always has ( " halloween  " " escape from new york  " " the thing " ) and  by the looks of it ( " they live  " " escape from l . a .  " " vampires " )  always will . carpenter ', s latest horror opus with a science fiction bent ( or science fiction outing with a schlock horror bent ) is the aptly - titled " john carpenter ', s ghosts of mars " ( in case  i suppose  you went looking for someone else ', s " ghosts of mars " ) . like all those films prefixed by the very possessive " john carpenter ', s  " " ghosts of mars " is an unashamed b - movie punctuated by a b - movie plot  b - movie actors  and b - movie special effects . in category one  above  we have a storyline that borders on idiotic ( and  at times  chaotic ) . dormant martians ( i . e .  swirling red gases ) awakened by meddling humans possess the souls of hapless mining colonists rendering them testy marilyn manson lookalikes . all this explained ( in flashback ) to some grand pooh - bah counsel by martian police official melanie ballard ( natasha henstridge  from the sub - " species " films )  the only returnee on a silly - looking train . officer ballard went in to bring back incarcerated felon james " desolation " williams ; what she found was not a pretty picture . in the second category we have ms . henstridge  her blonde hair pulled back tightly and awkwardly into a ponytail  ice cube ( as the appropriately - named " desolation " )  pam grier ( briefly  oddly -- who wanted to work with whom i wonder ? )  and a host of extras all assuming that the story and special effects were going to carry this film and therefore they didn ', t need to try too hard . in category number three we have  in addition to those swirling red gases and the silly - looking train  a couple of bird ', s - eye - view shots of a sprawling martian metropolis ( reddish also ) . state - of - the - art special effects have never been a carpenter trademark and once again the writer / director ( who seems to have no problem finding work  however ) doesn ', t waste any of the film ', s budget in that department . " ghosts of mars " is lock  laughing stock  and barrel all your standard carpenter fare : dingy interiors  cluttered exteriors  inane dialogue  lots of leather  scarred  crazed - looking aliens  and lots and lots of weaponry . the film often and always explodes into warfare without warning -- spontaneously  stupidly . carpenter might like to think he ', s made a western here but it ', s a western without any real heroes  villains  or border conflicts . it ', s just the shootouts minus a hissing snake plissken . i never thought i ', d miss the guy but i do . it ', s not * all * the same  however . dubbed the " one - note wonder " for his minimalist music soundtracks  carpenter seems to have graduated from simplistic ( yet effective ) scoring by highlighting his action with loud  screeching guitar work . fortunately this drowns out a lot of the dialogue . the final exchange between henstridge and  er  cube though is both audible * and * priceless . mars has proven an infertile breeding ground for hollywood in the last year or so  what with the stillborn " mission to mars " and " red planet " ( with val kilmer ) . " ghosts of mars " sadly adds to those disappointing returns ( in its opening weekend it was overshadowed by a bunch of sequels  among them " american pie 2 " and " rush hour 2 " ) . the irony is that the mars in carpenter ', s film feels sadly absent . there are occasional references to the red planet  of course  but the film might as well have been set in perth amboys than on earth ', s closest neighbor . two things keep " john carpenter ', s ghosts of mars " from getting a huge slap upside the head . 1 . henstridge keeps her top on ( miraculously )  and 2 . the film doesn ', t pretend to be anything it ', s not . what that means  however  is that fans of superior  intelligent  grade a sci - fi / horror are singularly out of luck .
neg i ', m really starting to wonder about alicia silverstone . sure  she is one of the most beautiful creatures on god ', s green earth ( second only to that movie critic at large guy )  but when it comes to choosing what movies she stars in  she always strikes out . the crush was a slow - moving  predictable piece of fluff . hideaway was a horrific novel adaptation alicia had only a minor role in . clueless was an annoying  unfunny waste of time . and people have e - mailed me too  saying clueless is a good movie and that i ', m the only one who doesn ', t like it . one girl said if i ', d seen the movie with " an open mind  " i would have enjoyed it . nothing could be further from the truth . i went into the theater expecting to love the movie . the preview looked good and of course i ', m crazymadinlove with alicia  but the movie was a bunch of bad jokes coming from whiny  unlikable characters . almost everyone i saw the movie with felt the same way . when we were walking out of the theater  one guy ( and it wasn ', t me ) yelled out  " that was the worst f $&# in ', movie i ', ve ever seen " and the rest of us had to laugh in agreement . so last night i walked into the video store and saw alicia ', s pretty face on the cover of some made - for - video thriller called the babysitter . i knew it would be bad but some inner compulsion i ', ll probably never understand made me rent it anyway . what i got was 90 minutes of regret -- the worst alicia silverstone movie ever . and you already know from the last paragraph what the competition is like . where to begin in criticizing this movie ? the plot is a thin shred that moves slower than a glacier  the writing could have been done ( and for all we know it was ) by a ten year old  alicia is the star and she ', s still wasted in a movie that has no appeal whatsoever . there is zero humor  zero suspense  zero drama and zero action  until the last ten minutes  when the story is needlessly and pointlessly concluded with a violent sequence . zero plus zero plus zero plus zero equals zero . so why does this movie get one star out of me ? well  alicia spends twenty minutes of the movie in the bathtub . and if it wasn ', t bubble bath  the babysitter would have instantly joined the ranks of our other four - star features  but you settle for what you can get . alicia plays a babysitter who ', s spending friday night looking after two kids whose parents are out getting drunk at a cocktail party . and of course anyone as beautiful as alicia automatically spends their friday nights at home ( at least that movie critic at large guy does ) . as the movie trods along  we discover she ', s not only the mostly - silent star of the movie but also the object of every male character ', s fantasies ( and probably every male viewer ', s too ) . the drunken father thinks she ', s just the thing to recapture his lost youth  her boyfriend lets his imagination run wild while spying on alicia from outside  even the prepubescent boy looks in on alicia through the bathroom keyhole while she ', s taking her bubble bath . they even throw in the middle aged wife ', s fantasies about a male counterpart at the party . not that any of us asked or ever even thought about seeing this 200 + pound woman in a black silk teddy . at least none of the sex fanatasies ever leave the realm of the pg - rated . in fact  i could imagine the babysitter becoming a cinemax late - night staple if not for the fact that there ', s absolutely no nudity in it . so you can ', t call it a sex flick . i ', ve already pointed out that it can ', t fall under drama  comedy  thriller or action  so what do you classify the babysitter as ? bad .
neg so what do you get when you mix together plot elements from various successful sci - fi films such as close encounters of the third kind  2001 : a space odyssey  apollo 13 and contact ? well  whatever it is  you ', d sure as hell hope that it would be a thousand times better than this shoddy attempt at such a melange  considering the disastrous results we ', re left with here . this is a film that takes a little bit of everything  but ultimately adds up to a lot of nothing ! it ', s like i said . . . this movie sucks . plot : a rescue crew of astronauts is sent down to mars in the year 2020  after an unknown energy force leads to a loss of contact with the previous gang of space aviators to visit the red planet . critique : extremely underwhelming is the best way to describe this movie . uneven  would be another . the trailer for this movie actually showed some promise  the buzz around it had been so - so  and even the film itself starts off with a decent first twenty minutes  all leading you to believe that it ', s actually going to go " somewhere " . but it isn ', t long before the entire movie downshifts into neutral  features more space walks than anything interesting on the cherry - colored planet  tries too hard to get us into the " pain " of some its characters and unsuccessfully tosses some romance into the mix . in a sci - fi movie ? well  i don ', t know  much of it just seemed like a bunch of nerdies talking techie jargon for about an hour and a half  only to figure out some big secret in the end  a secret which practically had me yawning with excitement . ultimately  this is a movie that starts off with a decent premise  joins the crew in their " misadventures in space " for the main crux of its journey  and eventually settles down for one of the most anti - climactic endings this side of contact . mind you  if you enjoyed that film ', s shrug - of - the - shoulders ending  you might just enjoy this frivolous ditty as well . of course  i don ', t remember contact having such obvious and painfully distracting computer generated effects at its end of story . ugh . what a friggin ', mess . films like this generally get me wondering about the brass in hollywood again . didn ', t anybody recognize the crappiness in this script ? didn ', t they read the bad dialogue  the cheezy lines  the obvious derivative nature of the work ( mind you  with a director like depalma at the helm  that ain ', t saying much ! ) . of course  you can ', t really blame the brass for the inclusion of jerry o ', connell in this fine crew of thespians . ', nuff said . neither can you blame them for depalma cranking up the juice on the film ', s musical score during the last fifteen minutes  presumably in order to wake the audience up ( okay  we get it brian  this scene is supposed to be powerful . . . wow . . . yawn . . . my ears hurt ! ) . so is anything salvageable in this movie ? sure . gary sinise does another great job  as does cheadle  the film doesn ', t completely bore you as much as it just moves along slowly without anything really interesting happening  and yes  the " sand - twister " effect that you see in the commercial is well done . other than that ? i guess i could say that i admire how filmmakers have become so much more devious in their product placement strategies . . . oops  did i say " admire "  i meant " am disgusted " ! all in all  this movie delivers very little in actual substance  offers two - bit dialogue masked in a lot of sci - fi mumbo - jumbo  pretends to be deep when really it ', s just sappy  and eventually just settles into an ending which  other than presenting us with a pathetic computer graphic as a part of the story  gives us little more to think about than how we might be able to get our money back for sitting through this rehashed dreck . go see the ninth gate . . . now there ', s a great movie ! and on a personal note  i think it ', s time for depalma to stop worrying so much about his proverbial 12 - minute uninterrupted film sequences  and start worrying more about how crappy his movies are getting .
neg the law of crowd pleasing romantic movies states that the two leads must end up together by film ', s end . if you ', re not familiar with this law  then maybe you ', ve seen the trailer for this film which shows that the two leads are together by film ', s end . now if you ', re a regular reader of mine  you ', ve heard me say this countless times : you know how drive me crazy is going to end  but is the journey to get to that ending worth it ? no  it definitely is not . melissa joan hart ( from abc ', s " sabrina  the teenage witch " ) likes a hunky stud on the basketball team . adrien grenier is her grungy neighbor who ', s just broken up with his activist girlfriend . apparently he wants to make his ex - girlfriend jealous enough to take him back  and she wants someone to take her to the big year end dance . so the two pretend to date for some reason  but only after hart gives grenier a bath to turn him into a hunky stud . will grenier like his new popularity and turn on his friends ? will this crazy scheme work ? do i care ? the teen comedy resurgence of late has been surprisingly good in terms of comedy . what makes movies like can ', t hardly wait and 10 things i hate about you work ( and to a lesser extent  she ', s all that and never been kissed ) is because the writers of those films seem to realize that high school is a joke and write their scripts accordingly . i don ', t know what the writer ', s intention was with drive me crazy . there was some smart comedy in those films to make the obvious endings worth getting to . here there ', s nothing . . . just teens whining about who ', s going to take them to the big dance . do me a favor kids  go get a job or something . . . just shut the hell up . in all honesty  the best part of this film is the end credits . now normally when i say that it ', s followed with the joke " . . . because the movie is finally over . " in this case though the end credits really are the most entertaining part of the film . after the obligatory second playing of britney spears ', titular song  there ', s a quick commercial jingle for a burger joint the kids in the film hang out in and a brief rendition of the school song for their high school . nothing great  but more entertaining than anything in the 90 minutes which preceded them . sci - fi fans take note : there are brief appearances from stephen collins ( star trek : the motion picture ) and faye grant ( the tv miniseries " v " and " v : the final battle " ) . [ pg - 13 ]
neg mighty joe young blunders about for nearly twenty minutes before we actually get to see a great big gorilla . his entrance  however  is a grand one : out from the trees he leaps  gargantuan and imposing  sporting hands big enough to crush a volkswagen bug  and a pair of feet much larger than any pro basketball player will ever have . joe bellows at the poachers before him  angry that they would like to kill him and sell him for millions of dollars . during this scene  i turned to my friend and said  " wow . that ', s some ape . " joe is quite a gorilla -- a big  digital gorilla . he runs around the fields  chasing cars and people . he picks things up and stares at them pensively . he breaks things on accident  because he ', s just too big to avoid clumsiness . joe  as a special effect  is an image that might hold your interest for five minutes . as a character  he doesn ', t quite register . and the story he ', s been put in is as limp as they come . the words " family entertainment " have never been a stamp of quality  but might joe young is just a silly special effects movie pretending to have a heart . the picture is a remake of the 1949 film . it ', s mostly just about the big gorilla  but  strictly as a formality  the movie also has a few human characters . the main one is jill young ( poor charlize theron  forced to waste her talent )  a lover of gorillas . as a child  she witnessed a group of poachers murder her mother ; now  she lives in the jungle to protect the wildlife . specifically  she ', s out to protect joe  a giant gorilla who has been her friend since her childhood . soon  zoologist gregg o ', hara ( bill paxton ) discovers joe ; he quickly realizes that poachers want to get joe and sell him to a big game hunter named strasser ( rade sherbedgia )  who just happens to be the same guy who killed jill ', s mother . so  in an effort to save joe  jill and gregg take the big gorilla to a preserve  where it is instantly clear that he is not safe from poachers . in addition  the space is way too small for him ( after all  he is a really big gorilla ) . and  to add to the complications  strasser shows up under a benevolent pretext ( he tells jill that he has a preserve big enough for joe )  and joe recognizes strasser as the guy who killed jill ', s mother . jill  of course  doesn ', t recognize strasser  even though he did kill her mother . this is just one of the many examples of stupidity in mighty joe young  a film that fulfills every stereotype that comes with a special effects film . the movie isn ', t really offensive -- it has some competent actors  a few nifty sets  and a lot of scenes with a big  digitized gorilla . but the story is really dumb  there aren ', t any characters  and the film isn ', t satisfying on any level beyond its visuals . the movie also has bad dialogue . if a critic says that a film has bad dialogue  it ', s only fair to quote some of it  but most of the words spoken in this picture are phrases like " joe isn ', t happy ! " and " joe isn ', t safe here ! " " we need to get joe out of here ! " " joe is way too big for that cage ! " i don ', t know if these phrases are word for word  but they ', re close . as i said  the characters here are only present as a formality : they do little more than state the obvious ( of * course * joe is too big for that cage ) . paxton and theron are talented performers who deserve to work on a script that provides characters for them . sadly  mighty joe young wastes them both . there are a few clever moments ( although none of them are surfacing in my memory at the moment )  and  as i said  the digital effects held my attention for at least five minutes . it ', s certainly not a bad film for kids ; i doubt joe will give them nightmares . but adults in the audience aren ', t likely to find much of anything interesting about the big gorilla . a big gorilla is only interesting for a little while ; after that  something needs to be done with the big gorilla . nobody ever figures out what to do with the big gorilla .
neg " spawn " features good guys  bad guys  lots of fighting  bloody violence  a leather - clad machine gun chick  gooey  self - healing bullet holes  scatological humor and a man - eating monster . it not only appears to have been tailor made for a swarm of 12 - and 13 - year - old boys  it appears to have been made by them . in a classic example of telling and not showing  " spawn " opens with a truckload of mumbo jumbo about forces of darkness  forces of light and how " men are the ones who create evil on earth . " so much for a message . the movie then lurches forward into the plight of al simmons ( michael jai white )  a government assassin / operative who is murdered by diabolical boss jason wynn ( martin sheen  who plays all of his scenes like an oscar clip ) while on a top secret mission in a north korean biological weapons plant . simmons goes to hell and back  after making a deal with satan himself -- if he agrees to command the devil ', s army to overtake the world  he ', ll be allowed to return to earth to see his wife wanda ( underused theresa randle ) and little girl cyan ( sydni beaudoin ) . of course  seeing as how five years has passed  wanda has fallen for -- and married -- simmons ', partner ( d . b . sweeney ) . his  uh  shoulder to cry on comes in the form of clown ( john leguizamo )  a disgustingly disproportioned minion of satan ', s . clown manipulates simmons  now in superhuman spawn form  into a stand off with wynn . wynn  who thinks he is in league with the double - dealing clown  recognizes spawn as a threat and undergoes an operation where a bomb is placed on his heart -- when it stops beating  major cities around the world will detonate  causing the leak of a disease that " makes the ebola virus look like a skin rash . " phew . got all that ? it would be easy to dismiss " spawn " as just another one of those heavy - on - fx  short - on - substance action pics  but it doesn ', t even work on that level . the computer - generated sequences are often and plenty  and the problem is that they look too computer - generated . the several scenes set in hell present a devil that looks and acts like a video game graphic -- with the movie ', s healthy budget you ', d think they could have afforded to make his mouth move when he talks . other elements of the movie are so - so ; spawn ', s enormous red  flowing cape is a wonderful sight  but it ', s too obvious when he ', s being played by a costumed actor or an image . in movies like " contact  " the special effects serve the story . in " spawn  " they are the story . and spawn himself isn ', t even an interesting character . the film ', s reliance on razzle - dazzle would be acceptable if we were given somebody to root for  but both simmons and his funky alter - ego are completely underdeveloped . what we need is a batman  a luke skywalker . even watching the adventures of kleenex man would be more interesting than spawn . poor leguizamo . he starred in february ', s " the pest  " a movie that i still think is the year ', s worst so far  although this one does give it a run for its money . as clown  he overacts to the extreme  never missing an opportunity for a poor - taste punchline . leguizamo farts green mist  munches a pizza slice covered with maggots and even dons a mini - skirt and performs a cheerleader routine  all before turning into a giant grey demon . the guy was brilliant in " to wong foo  thanks for everything ! julie newmar . " what is he doing wasting his talent in this and " the pest " ? i ', m one of the few people that liked " batman & robin  " this summer ', s other big - budget comic book film . yet after catching this movie and making the inevitable comparison  i can only hope people will change their minds and think of " batman " as the superior adaptation . there ', s a compelling story somewhere in " spawn " -- including strong religious overtones and the debut of the first african - american superhero ever -- but it ', s just not found anywhere near here . as it is  " spawn " is just awful -- it stinks worse than a dead trout .
neg " in dreams " might keep you awake at night  but not because of its creepy imagery  bizarre visual style or story about a clairvoyant madman who lures young girls to their untimely deaths . no  the source of potential sleeplessness here lies within the movie ', s brutally squandered potential  the least of which is an admittedly nifty premise - even by tired serial killer genre standards . the big letdown  however  comes upon the realization that this 100 - minute head - scratcher was masterminded by neil jordan  the man behind " the crying game . " he ', s no stranger to cinematic weirdness  but this nutty nonsense really pushes the envelope . things start out strong enough  with cinematographer darius khondji ', s stunning camera work guiding viewers into the bowels of a underwater ghost town during a creepy prologue that establishes a notably grim tone right off the bat . this eerie opulence remains a dazzling display of showmanship throughout the entire film - there ', s even something macabre about the way khondji photographs a rustic  seemingly innocent new england autumn - but if there ever was a film that didn ', t deserve so good a polish  it ', s this one . don ', t knock the look  but say what you will about the foolish plot  underdeveloped characters and flat dialogue . annette bening  another asset " in dreams " shouldn ', t be so lucky to boast  gives an increasingly effective performance in a role that doesn ', t do much for her in return . she plays claire cooper  a massachusetts children ', s book illustrator who ', s plagued by terrifying nightmares involving kidnaped children . she thinks these visions are a warning knell for horrible  soon - to - be - committed crimes  but neither her ho - hum husband ( aidan quinn ) nor the ho - hummer police can muster up the sense to take her seriously . this being a thriller  we know that she is  in fact  on the money  and it ', s a credit to bening ', s acting that she delves equally into claire ', s madness and compassion . but as soon as a body turns up and claire has given the authorities reason enough to believe her claims  " in dreams " trades in its nifty supernatural chills for a long series of allegedly spooky jolts that simply refuse to make sense . scenes pile up like a car wreck with little or no explanation or exposition . subplots appear and disappear . when claire finally comes face - to - face with our evil murderer ( robert downey jr . )  it turns out his name is vivian  he ', s clairvoyant and he ', s got some major issues with mama  a la norman bates . " in dreams " reaches its absurdist zenith here  and the climax drags with mumbled revelations and laughable twists . some questions  then : what ', s with the garbage disposal retching applesauce ? are the drawings on the wall blood or paint ? who cranked up the andrews sisters on the cd player and caused the swing to move on its own ? what about the computer ? does vivian possess the gift of telekinesis in addition to his other powers ? why would he continually endanger claire if she was necessary for his ultimate plan ? is the woman in australia integral to anything ? and the aforementioned flooded city - what function does that _really_ serve ? sigh . at least in my own dreams  i can imagine a better movie where certain talent didn ', t go to waste .
neg " knock off " is exactly that : a cheap knock off of an action movie . it ', s also the worst movie i have seen thus far this year . i figured it would be at least a couple of months before i saw the worst film of 1998  but alas  it has already been found . jean - claude van damme stars as ( i think ) a designer jeans executive who discovers his half - brother has been supplying him with cheaper goods . rob schneider plays van damme ', s partner  and rochon plays . . . actually  i have no idea who rochon was supposed to be . she just sort of popped up halfway through without an explanation as to why she was there . many things are not explained in this film  but i do know that for some bizarre reason  van damme seemed to be doing a jackie chan impression throughout the flick . where chan comes off as endearing in his " normal guy " character seen in many of his films  van damme just comes off as a wimp . we ', re never given any clear explanation as to the basis for many of his actions . to be more clear : i did not even know who he was supposed to be until about an hour into the movie  and even then  it was not made too clear . the film has been directed in the style of some strange film experiment gone horribly wrong . tsui hark ( who directed van damme ', s last movie  the bad  but not nearly as bad as this  " double team " ) never lets the camera rest for a second  and that ', s no exaggeration . we are even treated to a five second shot from the point of view of van damme ', s foot entering a shoe . fabulous ! seriously  though  i have no problem with directors who want to play around with film conventions  as long as they don ', t get carried away . for example  look at sam raimi . " army of darkness "  one of his best movies  features some of the most inventive camera work i have ever seen  but raimi never lets the special effects get in the way of story . that ', s a concept that tsui can ', t seem to grasp . the special effects and outrageous camera angles * rule * " knock off " to the point where the audience doesn ', t have a clue as to what ', s happening any more . another problem with the film is that it looks cheap . the film stock used is of such low caliber that i thought i was watching one of those chinese films shown really late at night . and for some inexplicable reason  everyone ', s voice seems to have been dubbed . even the stars . and even the special effects  seemingly the only aspect of the film the director actually cared about  are inconsistent . for example  there is a scene in which van damme drives a car out of a window . the car slams into the ground  and the left wheel is completely destroyed . seconds later  the car drives off at full speed . hey  i have no problem suspending my disbelief in an action movie  but a line must be drawn somewhere . finally  the acting . nobody gives a good performance in this film . van damme  an actor i usually like  is way off the mark playing " everyman " . and schneider  here to provide comic relief i assume  is totally unfunny and over acts his way through every scene . even the usually solid paul sorvino gives a terribly over - the - top performance as . . . once again  i have no idea who he was supposed to be . in case i haven ', t yet made it clear enough  " knock off " is the worst movie of van damme ', s career and possibly the worst movie of the decade . and it ', s not even one of those movies that ', s so bad it ', s funny . it ', s too inept to be funny . there are no redeeming factors in " knock off " and i seriously hope that every print of this film is burned to a crisp and that somehow my memory of watching the film can be erased .
neg " snake eyes " is the most aggravating kind of movie : the kind that shows so much potential then becomes unbelievably disappointing . it ', s not just because this is a brian depalma film  and since he ', s a great director and one who ', s films are always greeted with at least some fanfare . and it ', s not even because this was a film starring nicolas cage and since he gives a brauvara performance  this film is hardly worth his talents . it ', s worse than that . it ', s aggravating for the sole reason that its story could be so much more  could be totally intelligent  and it opens up with absolutely no subtlety that it will be handled complexly and intensely . . . then at one point in the movie makes on wrong turn that leads it to the hall of fame of half - assedness . or more deservedly  the hall of fame of the eighth - assedness . in certain circles  " snake eyes " was being advertised as a kind of modern day version of kurosawa ', s classic " rashomon  " where a crime is told from the four different ( and i mean different ) perspectives  and it looks as though it may actually be just like this with the opening  which  i might add  is superb . in one very very very long steadicam shot  we meet the protagonist  crooked atlantic city detective  rick santoro ( cage )  and follow him before a boxing match as he talks on his cell phone with his wife  interupts a pay - per - view event on tv  chases down a gambler  enters the arena all pumped up for the fight  sits down and talks with his bud  kevin dunne ( gary sinise  who ', s character should not be confused with that of actor kevin dunn  who ', s also in this )  and watches as it happens . there ', s a big name in the crowd  and that ', s the secretary of defense  charles kirkland ( joel fabiani )  who ', s sitting behind rick  and who gets shot a second after the heavyweight champion  lincoln tyler ( stan shaw )  is knocked out . this all happens in the opening shot  and it creates so many red herrings and possibilities of what happened that it opens this scene up for close examination and total deconstruction . what really happened  this film asks  and it sets this film up extremely well for when rick begins to question people and get different perspectives on the scene . . . and discovers there ', s a very good possibility it was a conspiracy . as we follow rick trying to learn of more information  we also meet a woman who was talking to kirkland before he was shot ( carla gugino )  and who flees the scene in a panic  and tries to hide from the cops in the arena and the adjacent casino / hotel since the cops have blocked off the doors so they can get witness ', takes on what happened . this is all going pretty fine and dandy  and it ', s extremely interesting to watch . . . then it takes one wrong step . we follow the wrong character  and we learn of the answer to the mystery too early on  and way before rick can find it out . but that ', s not the worst part of it : it ', s that it ', s the one person you didn ', t think it would be because he was too obviously supposed to be the red herring  the one you didn ', t think did it because it would be stupid and cliched of that person to be behind it . it only gets worse : the film turns into a chase film about half way through the film  and since we already know what happened  we can ', t rely on rick ', s investigation to be all that interesting . it ', s as if the film ran out of the guts to be really complex and original about a third of the way in  and decided to just fall back on an easy way out  and that just happens to mean that it has to become less and less credible . events become more and more proposterous  and by the end  the film has decided to rely on the worst offender in mysteries like this : the deux ex machina . that ', s where some outside intereference brings the film to a sudden conclusion and makes everything okay . this time  it ', s a hurricane  an out - of - control police car  and a big round ball that adorned the arena . what went wrong ? depalma and the screenwriter  david koepp  are extremely credible people in their respective fields  and have been known for bringing life and complexity to mysteries such as this . depalma  who idolizes hitchcock to death  has done many a film like this  such as his masterpiece  " blow out  " where a movie soundman uses movie elements to uncover a conspiracy piece by piece . but granted  depalma at least makes it intriguing to watch  what with his over - the - top shot set - ups  notably the beginning and a sequence where the camera pans over top of a bunch of rooms in the hotel  forgetting anything about boundaries . at least his direction makes up partly for it . then there ', s koepp  who showed such great ability at making a character ', s flaws come to life like he did in depalma ', s earlier " carlito ', s way  " a film that dove right into the life and past of its character and examined him extremely well . he can write a flawed character  but his rick santoro seems to be just a half - assed effort . he ', s flawed  and we can see redemption if the story wasn ', t so formulaic . a scene towards the end where he has to make a fatal decision is cheapened by the fact that his answer has no emotional buildup . he may as well have said the opposite of what he says ; it would have at least gone with what the character was like . this is the most disappointing kind of film because it promises intelligence and complexity  because it promises disection of a flawed character and perhaps even redemption  then pulls the rug from under us just as we were about to be convinced it would be able to go all the way . as i was watching the first half hour  i couldn ', t wait to see how the mystery would be unearthed  how many different perspectives he ', d be given  and perhaps he ', d have to make a choice between who ', s he has to believe . now there ', s a film . unfortunately  the film has two major deux ex machinas : one in the disasterous ending ; the other  about a half hour in when the film goes into autopilot and becomes a stale and recycled piece of crap we ', ve seen all too much before  but never from someone like depalma .
neg forgive the fevered criticism but the fervor of the crucible infects . set in 1692 at salem  massachusetts  the crucible opens with a group of teenage girls passionately singing and dancing around a boiling cauldron in the middle of a forest under the glow of a full moon . they beckon the names of men as the targets of their love spells . then one of the girls lets her hair down and sheds her clothes . not to be outdone in her quest to regain the attention of john proctor ( daniel day lewis )  abigail ( winona ryder ) suddenly seizes a chicken  beats it against the ground and smears her face and lips with the fresh blood . taking even adolescent hormone surges into account  surely this chicken - bashing bit is a bit excessive  especially for prim puritan sensibilities ? surely to the puritan eye this is as close to a coven of witches as it gets ? the crucible errs from the beginning and arthur miller ', s name should be summoned for blame here for the addition of the above scene to his screen adaptation of his play . this is far from a harmless event  a bad start to an already shaky morality tale . the play describes the film ', s opening scene during tense exchanges that makes one wonder about the veracity of both accusation and reply  and this adds to the play ', s charged atmosphere . in the film  the opening scene becomes an unintentional pandora ', s box . not only is credulity stretched but abigail ', s obsession is unfortunately spotlighted . it positions the crucible more as a cautionary fable about obsessive and malevolent women than against witch hunts ; it will bring back the memory of a rabbit boiling away in a pot . not surprisingly  the nighttime forest frenzy does not go unnoticed and when two girls fail to wake the following morning  witches are invoked by those eager to blame . when the girls are questioned  their confession of guilt is accompanied with an announcement of their return to god and they are thereafter converted to immaculate witnesses  led lustfully by abigail . with alarming synchronicity our hormonally - advantaged girls zealously gesture and point accusing fingers at innocents  constant reminders that abigail ', s passion sets all this into inexorable motion . abigail seizes on this opportunity to rid herself of her rival for john proctor ', s love  his wife elizabeth ( joan allen )  by including her among those accused of witchcraft . appropriately narrow - waisted and equipped with a distractingly white smile ( watch his teeth deteriorate much too quickly to a murky yellow )  day lewis plays the dashing moral hero with an over - earnestness that longs to be watched . director nicholas hytner is guilty of encouraging day lewis ', foaming - mouth fervour with shots where we stare up at proctor as if he was mounted on a pedestal for our admiration . otherwise  hytner ', s direction is unremarkable . ryder ', s performance as abigail is as consistent as her mood swings . her fits of frenzy are energetic enough but the quieter moments are less successful . abigail supposedly revels in her newfound power  but ryder fails at being convincingly haughty although there is much haughtiness to spare here . paul scofield is fine as the overzealous judge danforth  but the incessant moral posturings of all the characters along with the recurrent histrionics of the young girls pricks at the nerves . probably because she is the only refuge of restraint amidst all the huffing and puffing  allen ', s elizabeth comes out as the most sympathetic character . a scene near the end featuring a private conversation between the imprisoned elizabeth and john is undeniably powerful because for once we are given a reprieve from the moral bantering and the human consequences are revealed . unfortunately  when john ', s audience again increases to more than one his urge to pontificate returns and the human urgency of his situation is lost . it is clear that miller meant well but i do wish he did it with more delicacy and fewer diversions . his screenplay is an imperfect creature with the distractions coming out as loud as the message . the result is a clumsy muddle - i felt like the chicken from the opening scene  head ceaselessly banged with piousness too heavy - handed to be wholly believable . when the gallows beckoned  it was sweet release indeed . far from bewitching  the crucible tests the patience .
neg one might expect a cathartic viewing experience walking into a new jean - luc godard film . after all  he was a founding member of the highly influential french new wave . he is also an esteemed film critic  lending intelligence and historical perspective to us in much of his writing . however  his latest creation  in praise of love  is possibly the most exasperating film experience of the year . the abstract concept on which the film is based had merit  to dissect love into the following four categories : meeting  physical passion  quarrels  and reconciliation . these four universal truths would be revealed through three different couples : young  adult  and elderly . it is edgar ', s ( bruno putzulu ) self - appointed task to capture these moments after a recent breakup  to define a central idea : " it ', s only when things are over that they make sense . " whether this project will end up a play  film  or opera remains undecided . the thesis is simple enough that  if played right  it could really hold sympathetic value for anyone . instead what ensues is an hour and a half of repetitive vignettes  the next scene no more engaging than the last . only once does any character utter something worthwhile  but by the time it happens you ', re so thoroughly bored you can easily miss it . but don ', t fret  it will surface again . you could easily sleep through whole sections of the film ( as some fellow critics did ) and wake up in a scene exactly like the one you nodded off in  not having missed anything worthwhile . but you hold hope for some time . the background music keeps you in a state of urgency  and even suspense  for the first few conversations . it ', s only after repeated failures to pay any of this off that you lose all hope . and with speeches like  " i am thinking of something  but i can only think of that something when i am thinking of something else  " how can you expect to hold anyone ', s interest ? to godard ', s credit  he certainly knows how to frame a scene . the black and white footage used for the first half of the film is starkly beautiful . watching edgar read while walking along a train track on a mountain makes you wish you had something to ponder along with him . and if this film had anything poignant to say  you would have  which makes you all the angrier at the numerous missed opportunities . the environments  be it city or country  are impeccably captured in crisp detail  but the script never complements them . unfortunately  godard also manages to pillage his photographic eye by randomly cutting to black numerous times within any given scene . sometimes these breaks are used for chapter headings  but these are even more cryptic than the spoken words . the second half is composed of nauseating hyper - color that often blurs the image . you suddenly feel like a doomed character straight out of scanners . the only scene that makes any sense is one that complains about the united states bastardizing history in the making of movies . steven spielberg is picked on in particular . while i ', ll grant that this does happen  and i tend to shy away from watching such garbage  it ', s still a pointless focus for a film that purports to articulate the specific qualities of couplehood . it just goes to show  an intelligent person isn ', t necessarily an admirable storyteller . the days of breathless are no more .
neg america loves convenience . after all  we ', re the culture that invented the cell phone  the 24 - hour atm  and my most beloved  the remote control . yet perhaps this time  with ghosts of mars  we have taken our love of convenience to far . ghosts of mars stars natasha henstridge as a tough as nails  pill - poppin ',  martian cop  sent with her squadron to retrieve " demolition " williams ( ice cube ) from a remote mining town for trial back home . when she and her comrades  appropriately dubbed " the commander  " " the rookies  " and the guy with the cool accent discover the town ', s residents slaughtered  they are forced to team up with williams to escape from the remaining residents ', head - chopping  alien - possessed clutches . filled with a lovely overuse of storytelling flashbacks  flashes - sideways  and viewpoint changes  ghosts of mars is a hapless mishmash of poorly constructed dialogue and ill - conceived action sequences . the only thing keeping this film from becoming an incomprehensible mess is the sheer idiotic simplicity of its story . ripped straight from the pages of a 1970s zombie movie  ghosts leaps from one convenient moment to the next  stopping only to kill the characters which are most convenient to lose . attempts at character interaction and development are rare and forced . most of these moments come off as kwik - e - mart wisdom  dispensed heartily around the slushee machine of life by the even - tempered streetwise hand of ice cube . with a gun in one hand and a dynamite cap in the other  cube reminisces about his street life  comparing the zombie - stomping fun to " me and my brother when we was kids . " apparently  crime in the bronx has gotten so bad that the residents have actually taken to ritually decapitating one another for entertainment . but  even in the film ', s darkest moments  fate conveniently lends a hand  supplying heavily armored transportation and easily accessible rifles and dynamite . yes  in the future  man may travel to space and conquer mars  but nothing beats a good stick of tnt . and as we all know  every police station  past  present  or future  keeps a healthy supply on hand . characters die  heads are lopped off  but they were only supporting roles anyway  so why should we care ? as long as you have plenty of narcotics  immunity is guaranteed . eventually though  even the most well - trained zombie alien gets a bit uppity and needs to be taught a lesson . what better way than by sacrificing a few minor characters to a convenient nuclear detonation  killing anything the machine guns can ', t handle . explosions are fun . and even if the nukes don ', t get them  the conveniently placed dynamite packs on the train stolen from the set of the road warrior certainly will . in the end this film defines itself when our cop ', s tribunal pronounces  " is that all you have to tell us ? " for  indeed  john carpenter has run out of things to say  and has instead decided to use whatever is convenient to tell a ridiculously bad story .
neg reindeer games is easily the worst of the three recent films penned by ehren kruger ( scream 3 and arlington rd are the others  each derivative in their own special way ) . the guy can ', t seem to write believable dialogue ( sample from reindeer games : " rule # 1 : never put a car thief behind the wheel " )  create multi - faceted characters  or even engineer coherent plots but he sure knows how to pile on numerous nonsensical twists and turns ( no matter if each one deems the actual story increasingly unlikely ) . his screenplay for reindeer games turns the tables on the audience so many times that watching the film becomes something of a punishment with no reward anywhere in sight . i can just envision kruger laughing behind his keyboard  " oh you thought my movie was gonna go here  f * ck you jack ass  take that twist  decipher this mother f * cker ! " it ', s almost as if the writer were angry at us for shelling out money to see his stupid movie . and why the hell would anyone want to invest time in a movie when the screenwriter keeps changing his own rules for no reason other than to congratulate himself on how damn clever he is ? auteur theory be damned ; it ', s kruger ', s " style "  not the director ', s that winds up on screen . kruger has obviously never paid much mind to the old chestnut " sometimes less is more " . and his numerous twists can ', t even claim to be originals ; arlington rd ', s ending is a direct steal from the much better alan j . pakula thriller the parallax view  and in reindeer games we get this ol ', gem ; character incriminates themself by saying something they shouldn ', t know ( pronouns used to protect the gender of the " character " . . . grammar be damned ) . " how did you know that ? " the stunned protagonist asks  suddenly realizing that the character was in on the whole thing all along . . . since twist endings are currently so in vogue  and seeing as how kruger ', s screenplays usually come equipped with about three twists per ending  i guess it ', s no wonder why he works so frequently . he ', s quickly becoming miramax ', s mickey mouse ; the company has already signed him to work on several of their upcoming projects . this is appropriate considering that miramax ( which used to place their label on some of the most artistically daring films ) has quickly become a grindhouse for coddling foreign imports ( life is beautiful ) and freddie prinze jr . vehicles . their company ', s current logo could be " we ride the trends " . reindeer games stars ben affleck as rudy  a supposedly hardened criminal spending his days and nights behind bars with fantasies of pecan pies dancing atop his head . although affleck is given some barbed wire tattoos to insinuate bad assness  he plays the role like steve guttenberg preciously mugging through a police academy flick . affleck is such a puppy dog that it ', s impossible to believe he could survive in a harsh prison environment without becoming nearly everyone ', s bitch . the role itself is so badly written ( the character only grows balls when the plot calls for it )  the twists so outrageous  and the directing so self consciously gritty that this is about as close to self parody as i can recall a recent " serious " movie getting . it may have been wiser had the film makers simply went all the way in that direction  casting jerry seinfeld as the hardened criminal and howard stern as the sniveling bad guy ( who ', s played here by gary sinise in yet another over the top villain performance ) james frain is nick  rudy ', s cellmate  a manslaughterer who ', s found a pen pal in the gorgeous ashley mason ( charlize theron ) . ashley is a prison groupie who sends nick many cheesecake photos of her though she ', s never seen one picture of him . which works out fine since the character is killed in a near - riot  and rudy ( who was to be paroled on the same day as nick ) takes his place  which leads to a sudden and very frenzied sex scene between ashley and rudy ( so frenzied it kinda looks like rape ) and a surprise visit from ashley ', s brother  gabriel ( gary sinise )  who waltzes into their shabby hotel room flanked by his thuggish co - horts . he plans to rob an indian casino on christmas eve with the assistance of rudy who he thinks is nick who  according to what he wrote in the letters to ashley  used to work as a guard in the indian casino . though by the end  the film pulls the rug out from under us so frequently that everything i ', ve described might as well be irrelevant . this is what you can expect should you chose to take this reindeer on ; several scenes in which  after catching his prey  the bad guy proceeds to stall interminably until the good guy has a chance to kill his captor and crack a stupid one - liner . included : two ( 2 ) scenes of two ( 2 ) different bad guys explaining their motives to the hero when they should be killing him ( one following the other no less ) . though it ', s an action film  the ending is more a talkfest where we get the whole movie explained to us by one flustered character actor after another while affleck looks on  incredulous as the audience . the flick was directed by john frankenheimer  a straightforward action director who lucked into the manchurian candidate early in his career  fell off the a - list following a string of flops and now  in his old age  is slowly climbing his way back up . it would be a success story if he were choosing better scripts but his last major film was ronin ( one of those almost but not quite movies ) which followed the island of dr . morneau ( you remember  the one with marlon brando in mime make - up and a not so flattering moo - moo )  and now this . he films action sequences with a minimum of quick cutting which i like considering that nowadays action scenes are commonly comprised of millisecond flash cuts strung together and laid out for a brain - zapped mtv audience to pick apart . problem is these action scenes ( nearly all failed escapes ) serve no purpose in the story other than to further pad out the running time and to remind the audience that their watching an action movie rather than a filmed radio play . character problems abound ; rudy is made to shift between sweet boy next door earnestness and hard edged wiseacre  the latter of which is not ( at least at this point ) something ben affleck is capable of pulling off . the former he can do with ease and often the actor coasts on his lackadaisical charm while those around him growl and swear . but then suddenly affleck starts growling and swearing alongside them like the class clown imitating a tarantino gangster . charlize theron  an extraordinary talent  is  like affleck  playing whatever part the script requires her to play  whether it be vulnerability at one moment  anger at the next . she never has a chance to evince any charm or make much of an impression beyond her obvious physical attributes ( frankenheimer has her needlessly pop her top to further italicize this . gary sinise has played this role frequently  and here  as in snake eyes  he does the snarling bad guy thing with such over the top vitriol ( the guy must be so incredibly bored of stomping through the same paces that going out of control is the only thing that keeps him interested any more )  that it becomes more of an annoyance ( oh there he goes again ? ? ? ) than a threat . these are talented people who made the mistake of jumping on to a script with little but stock characters and a bag of tricks that it dully springs on its audience .
neg a follow - up to disney ', s live - action " 101 dalmatians " that ', s better  more entertaining than the first ? just as unlikely . with " 102 dalmatians  " the disney studios have proven that when it comes to going to the dogs  more is definitely * not * the merrier . 1996 ', s " 101 dalmatians " certainly wasn ', t the greatest movie - going experience of all time  but it did feature glenn close in an outrageous  larger - than - life performance . in addition  we had two amiable leads in the form of jeff daniels and joely richardson  and lots and lots of adorable spotted puppies . this time around there seem to be fewer puppies on the screen  and close ', s facial and physical gyrations are starting to feel as old as the 53 - year - old actress under that startling black and white wig of hers . but that ', s only half the problem with kevin lima ', s laborious film . what makes " 102 dalmatians " such a collosal bore is its embarrassing attempts at humor ( here almost single - handedly foisted on a wisecracking macaw who thinks he ', s a dog  voiced by eric idle )  its rabid plotlessness ( cruella goes after puppies again ; winds up in goo again ) and most of all  the incredibly wooden actors who plays the romantic " heroes " of the piece  a welshman named ioan gruffudd and the blander - than - bland alice evans as a parole officer named chlo ? . gruffudd is cute and harmless  perhaps  but evans can ', t even aspire to that . the dogs upstage them both  of course  but in the case of evans  even close ', s split ends are more animated . bad acting  however  seems to be a requirement for this sequel  since g ? rard depardieu shows up as a french furrier with a haircut like robert de niro ', s in " men of honor . " jean pierre le pelt is a flamboyant fashion designer with a penchant for fine furs and depardieu ', s over - the - top antics mimic those of the campy close flail for flail  and wail for wail . france ', s most popular export besides brie has long since turned into a caricature of himself  and in " 102 dalmatians " the producers milk that realization for all it ', s worth -- le pelt likes to refer to the furry little critters as " poopies  " par example ( and ad nauseum ) . the finesses of the script ( attributed to four screenwriters no less  and far removed from anything dodie smith ever dreamed up ) are quickly dispensed with  since all it takes for a paroled cruella to be shaken from her years of successful aversion therapy in the slammer is the tolling of big ben ( ? ) . that done  it ', s back to the mansion to roll around in her heretofore off - limits sables and minks and a plan to skin those little dahlings for the sake of a hooded designer gown . the dogs are pretty cute -- try making a puppy look otherwise -- but that ', s pretty much all they are . there ', s always the feeling that there ', s a trainer off in the wings  coaxing the dogs to open doors  or pick up their food bowls in unison  or pop a tape into the videocasette recorder . savvy holiday goers should skip " 102 dalmatians " and pop the original 1961 animated classic into * their * vcrs instead . it ', s one dalmatian less  but 101 % more satisfying .
neg one - sided " doom and gloom " documentary about the possible annihilation of the human race as foretold by the bible . orson welles narrates and appears in the film in which he  along with best - selling author hal lindsey  discusses various prophecies from the bible and relates them to recent ( well for 1976 anyway ) events . the film is dated badly  as many things that are supposed to happen in the " future " never do . for example  the planets of the solar system were supposed to line up in the year 1982 and cause chaos here on earth . we ', re still here . the arms race between the soviets and america was supposed to kick - off the apocalypse . we ', re still here . some of the more ludicrous moments come when it ', s alluded to that people like jimmy carter and henry kissinger may actually be the antichrist ( ! ) . also  there ', s ten minutes of stock footage at the end of the film meant to give us an idea of what the battle for armageddon might be like . if it ', s anything like it ', s depicted as here then it ', s going to be incredibly boring . the late great planet earth is available on dvd from vci home video . it contains the film in standard form ( aspect ratio of 1 . 33 : 1 )  although some moments of stock footage are letterboxed . also included are brief bios on orson welles and hal lindsey  as well as a trailer for another recent vci home video release  chariots of the gods . audio is mono dolby digital  and the video is fair to good for a film like this . i believe this is the first appearance of this film on any home video format so any condition at all is fine with me . certainly i never expected a remastered print . curiously  the menu screens on this dvd look nothing like the menu screens pictured on the back of the case . but they ', re menu screens . . . so who really cares ? [ pg ]
neg play it to the bone  the newest addition to ron shelton ', s sports - themed repertoire fails in numerous ways . like most of shelton ', s other great films ( bull durham  white men can ', t jump )  this dud unsuccessfully attempts to use athleticism as a method of connecting characters and creating interesting subplots . shelton ', s films are not considered sports films  but they do heavily revolve around a specific game to tell a story . shelton has been so good in the past at using sports to analyze the structure of society that from his collection of films we are given an examination of different classes and races living in various different regions . play it to the bone is unsuccessful because not only is the boxing theme dull  but the side story of the two guys and a girl travelling across the country is even worse . the film has no social message like its predecessors . the relationship between the friends  two failed boxers who must face off against each other in the ring for 50 thousand dollars  is very confusing for a number of reasons . the whole film  since it is primarily a " buddy picture  " depends on the strength of the friendship the two characters have for each other . unfortunately  it is a very weak bond for the reasons listed below . 1 ) we never see how cesar ( antonio banderas ) and vince ( woody harrelson ) meet . the two are so different from each other  that a scene of how this odd friendship developed should have been mandatory . 2 ) vince and cesar argue every moment possible on their trip to las vegas . there is not one convincing moment dedicated to seeing the characters laugh together or actually agree on something . 3 ) the third character on the trip  grace ( lolita davidovich ) stands in the way . she is in nearly every scene with them  making it impossible to understand the difficulty the two male characters are going to have when they fight each other . 4 ) there are two many interfering  irrelevant side stories . vince is convinced that he sees jesus on a regular basis  cesar yells at the sky in spanish when he is angry  and grace tries to sell her inventions to hotel owner robert wagner . these boring tales only hurt the central plot . 5 ) when it comes to time for the two men to fight  they don ', t even hesitate to pound each other . wasn ', t the whole point of the road trip to show that these two are friends who could never hurt each other ? by the time the road trip part of the movie is over with  the film wants to be over . shelton  on the other hand  continues to tell his story . forty five painful minutes remain . the boxing scene between cesar and vince starts out very powerful and interestingly different from other boxing movies . however  the fight goes on for way too long and becomes very repetitive and predictable after awhile  kind of like the whole film .
neg some movies i should just skip . my daughter and i had a really vile time at my favorite martian a few weeks back  and here comes another disney effects - filled live - action flick based on an old tv program . true  the probgram is only 15 years old this time  and it ', s a cartoon . but it ', s a cartoon i liked  and i was understandably reluctant to see what disney had done to it on the big screen . but my daughter really wanted to go  and how bad could it be ? turns out i was right  mostly . inspector gadget  oddly enough  follows almost exactly the same format as my favorite martian  down to the jive - talking side - kick . at first i thought it was done by the same people  but imdb informs me that ig was directed by david kellogg and written by dana olsen and kerry ehrin  where mfm was directed by donald petrie and written by sherri stoner and deanna oliver . this odd similarity between the two movies may best be explained by the studio that produced it  where " formula " isn ', t just business  it ', s a way of life . the producers who obviously micromanaged the two projects should get prominant screen credits . in some parts you can just hear them saying " more zany ! i want more zany here -- and -- here . " " let ', s have a really painful sexual reference for no reason right here -- make it really painful . i want the audience squirming in their seats . " " ok  that ', s fine  but i want you to add bug guts . " " what does this scene do ? character depth ? but where ', s the zaniness ? i don ', t see zany here . if you can ', t make it zany  cut it ! " the latter is the only explanation i can come up with for the absence of the thoroughly charming michelle trachtenberg for most of the movie . michelle ( who plays penny  gadget ', s niece ) shines in every scene she ', s in  but unfortunately she only gets about nine minutes of screen time . my guess is that the rest is on the cutting room floor . dabney coleman ', s comedic talents are utterly wasted as chief quimby . i kept expecting him to say or do something really funny and somehow save the film  but instead  he does the best he can with some really poor lines in a few unexceptional scenes . he is thoroughly upstaged by cheri oteri as the " gidget bitch from hell " town mayor . oteri ', s overly enthusiastic and continually self - congratulatory speech patterns and mannerisms were so much like portland  oregon ', s own manic mayor vera katz that i had to wonder if the studio wasn ', t poking fun at our fair town . or  maybe all career politicians are like that . i must say  matthew broderick does not stroll through inspector gadget as he did godzilla . he appears to have some fun with the film  especially as the evil gadget . rupert everett is entertaining as the maniacle claw . joely fisher does fine as the zany scientist and even better as the zany carbon copy of herself . her performance is one of the few things worth watching in the film . d . l . hughley plays the shuckin "'-", and - jivin ', vehicular side - kick  in a role that firmly sets emancipation back 20 years . the dialog is . . . let ', s face it  it ', s pretty bad . the tag - line after a major set - piece battle is a faux pas that makes no sense in context . a lot of the lines ( especially hughley ', s ) appear to be made up as they go along  by people with little gift for ad - lib . about three - quarters of the film is a somewhat unnecessary origin story for both gadget and claw . gadget then spends the latter third of the movie trying to locate claw and having various altercations ( not really " battles " ) with the evil gadget . penny does about a minute and a half of the detective work her character did every week in the cartoon . let me rage here just for a minute . michelle trachtenberg was an excellent choice for the penny character . she ', s utterly charming  and has excellent experience ( harriet the spy ) for the part of the pint - size detective . why she is so underutilized in this film is a real mystery . the film loses a star for casting brilliance coupled with scripting ( or editing ) stupidity . inspector gadget is missing the long  long stretches of potty humor that ( among other things ) made my favorite martian so unbearable  but it ', s a very short movie  so perhaps something was cut at the last moment . probably the best scenes in the film occur during the end credits . the " evil sidekick support group " is especially worth seeing  and has an amazing number of cameo appearances for the few seconds it ', s onscreen . all in all  another bad live action film from the premere studio for bad live action films . i wonder if disney uses the revenues for it ', s generally money - making cartoons to produce these losers . but if true  why ? if they ', re trying for another mary poppins  they need to find a team that can produce one  and then give them a chance to do it .
neg hong kong cinema has been going through a bad spell . the last few productions have been effect laded action adventures that combine both the best and worst of american filmmaking with the same qualities of hong kong films . in a nutshell  the current crop of films from hong kong has been maddeningly convoluted and visually sumptuous . with the one time british colony reverting back to mainland ownership  a lot of hong kong ', s best talents have crossed the pacific to work on u . s . productions . such talents as jackie chan ( rush hour )  chow yun - fat ( anna & the king  the corrupter ) and yuen woo - ping ( the matrix ) have all moved into the budget bloated world of hollywood filmmaking with mixed results . now we can add two other hong kong filmmakers to the mix with star jet li and director and fight choreographer corey yuen kwai . unfortunately " romeo must die " bears all the trademarks of a typical hollywood action film and none of hong kong ', s rhythms . the film opens in a nightclub as an asian couple is necking . enter a group of chinese gangsters led by kai sing ( russell wong ) . kai confronts po sing ( jon kit lee )  the son of kai ', s boss and leader of the local chinese family . a battle breaks out between the bodyguards of the club and kai  who handily kicks and punches his opponents down . it ', s not until club owner silk ( rapper dmx )  bears down on kai and his henchmen that the fight ends . the following morning po sing is found dead . suspicions escalate  as issac o ', day ( delroy lindo ) is told of the murder . his concern that the war between his and the chinese family may explode and ruin his plans to move out of the business of corruption and into a legitimate venture . issac implores his chief of security  mac ( issiah washington ) to watch after his son and daughter . the scene shifts to a prison in china  where han sing ( jet li ) learns of his brothers murder . he fights with the guards and is dragged off to be disciplined . hung upside down by one foot  han recovers and battle his way out of custody in a blistering display of fight choreography and stunt work . escaping to the u . s . han sets out to find the person responsible for his brother ', s death . " romeo must die " is in many ways a fun film . it is both absurd and assured . the basic plot of a gangster wanting to become legitimate echoes " the godfather " . the relationship between jet li ', s han and aaliyah ', s trish o ', day reminds us of abel ferrera ', s " china girl "  except that romeo must die ', s couple never once exchange more than a loving glance towards one another . their romance is much more puritanical than any other romance in film history . the performances are adequate if not fully acceptable . li  of course has the showiest part  having to express both an innocents and steadfast determination . allayah  in her feature film debut manages to carry what little is asked of her with a certain style and grace . it ', s obvious that the camera loves her and she is very photogenic . but  still the part is under written in such a way that even a poor performance would not have affected it . delro lindo as issac o ', day carries himself well in the film . an unsung and under appreciated actor  mr . lindo turns out the films best performance . the other performers are all adequate in what the script asks of them except for d . b . woodside as issac ', s son  colin . the performance is undirected  with the character changing his tone and demeanor in accordance with whatever location he is in . an unfocused performance that should have been reigned in and / or better written . first time director andrzej bartkowiak does a workmanlike job in handling the film . having a career as one of the industry ', s best cinematographers  bartkiwiak knows how to set up his shots  and " romeo must die " does look good . but the pacing of the film is lethargic  only coming to a semblance of life during the fight scenes . the script by eric bernt and john jarrell is not focused in such a way that we can care about the characters or the situations they are in . the big gambit of buying up waterfront property to facilitate the building of a sports center for a nfl team is needlessly confusing . and of course the common practice of one character being the comic relief of the film becomes painfully obvious here as anthony anderson as allayah ', s bodyguard  maurice has no comic timing whatsoever . the best things about the film are its fight scenes . jet li is a master of these intricate physical battles . one needs only to see his film " fist of legend " to understand that the man is without peer in the realm of martial art combat . here  jet is given the opportunity to show off in a way that " lethal weapon 4 " ( jet ', s u . s . debut ) didn ', t allow . unfortunately  a lot of jet ', s fights are aided with computer effects that detract from his ability and precision . also " romeo must die " must be noted as having the most singularly useless effect ever committed to film  and that is an x - ray effect that appears three times during the course of the film  showing the effect of bone crushing blows on an opponent . obviously a homage to the famed x - ray scene from sonny chiba ', s " streetfighter "  the scenes here are just pointless and interfere with the pacing of the film . it ', s as if the film has stopped and a video game has been inserted . one problem though about the fight scenes . those that are familiar with hong kong action know that even though the films are fantasies and are as removed from reality as any anime or cartoon . they do have an internal rhythm to them . a heartbeat  so to speak in their choreography . the fight scenes in a hong kong film breath with an emotional resonance . this is created by the performance  the direction and the editing . here in " romeo must die "  there is no staccato . every fight scene  even though technically adroit and amazing becomes boring as the editing both cuts away from battle at hand and simple follows a set pattern . the rhythm is monotonous . a hong kong film has a tempo that changes  heightening its emotional impact . ', rmd ', is limited to a standard 4 / 4 tempo  not allowing for any emotional content whatsoever . a fine example of this difference can be found by examining a couple of jackie chan ', s films . . watch the restaurant fight from the film " rush hour " and notice that the context of the fight  while technically amazing is rather flat ( the framing and cut always do not help ) . now look at the warehouse fight from " rumble in the bronx " . there you have a heartbeat  and emotional draw that doesn ', t let the audience catch its breath . the stops and pauses for dramatic effect work perfectly  causing the viewer to be both astounded and flabbergasted . here in ', romeo must die ',  the fight scenes have no more emotional content or character than any john wayne barroom brawl . jet li is a grand and personable screen presence . it ', s a shame that his full talents were not used to full effect here . one day filmmakers here in the u . s . will stop making films by the numbers and start to embrace the style and emotion that has made hong kong action pictures such a commodity . until then  we ', ll be left with emotionally hollow product like " the replacement killer " and  currently " romeo must die " .
neg i wish i could have been in the pitch meeting for this ridiculous notion of a sports film . i bet it was some hotshot warner brothers agent with an dark armani suit and manicured fingernails saying  " it would be a very light comedic version of any given sunday  and we could throw in the hoosiers angle with the casting of gene hackman as the tough but determined coach . throw in that hunk of a guy keanu reeves and a cast of wacky characters and poof ! we ', ll have a hit on our hands ! " the replacements is a hokey mistake of a football film  a mishmash collage of one - dimensional characters  rampant stereotypes of cultures and races  cliched emotional statements of purpose  and keanu reeves wishing for the matrix sequel to start principal photography . the story is loosely based around the pro football players ', strike in 1987 and a rag - tag team of replacement football players taking up the reins of professional play for a variety of teams with names like the washington sentinels . keanu reeves stars as shane falco  a has - been football college player looking for redemption . gene hackman dons a fedora like tom landry and speaks with gusto like a certain coach in hoosiers . rounding out the cast includes swingers ', jon favreau  7 - up pitchman orlando jones  gruff owner jack warden  and cast of wacky and unknown actors who do amazing jobs of portraying perfectly stereotyped characters : the drunken welshman  the overweight sumo wrestler  the black convict  the violent cop  and the dumb  dumb cheerleaders . this bunch of nobodies try to make something of themselves by taking the team to the season playoffs with unbelievable football plays  gene hackman yelling and asking himself where the hell dennis hopper is  keanu reeves looking for his body double making him look good on the football field  and cheerleaders hired from the local strip club making the girls from coyote ugly look like waitresses from denny ', s . the usual things happen like clockwork . the hero rises from the ashes of failure  the team comes together in unity  the hero falls in love with a conventional love interest  the football games are won with enough schlock value to make the most ignorant of audiences cheer and clap  and the cheerleaders make you want to go home and watch late night movies on cinemax . it ', s also a shame when decent directors with good movies under their belts go to seed and become television and sequel hacks . howard deutch  who was behind the camera for two of the best films of ', 80s - pretty in pink and some kind of wonderful  has since been doing grumpier old men and caroline in the city episodes . obviously the problem is that without a good script  any director will fail in the end . sports films are strong vehicles for cinematic glory  gritty tales involving the honor of men and the valiant efforts taken for the ultimate goal of victory in the face of insurmountable odds  the rise and fall of gallant heroes  and stories of dramatic gusto painted with blood and sweat on the battlefield of life . the replacements offers none of this .
neg if you ', re into watching near on two hours of bored  foul - mouthed florida teens having sex  doing drugs  having sex  listening to eminem  having sex  playing video games  having sex  and killing one of their peers  then " bully " ', s for you . based on jim schutze ', s novelization of a true - life event  " bully " charts the story of a handful of disenchanted teenagers who  in 1993  murdered their high school bully in cold  calculated blood . the film could have provided fascinating insights into what turned these aimless kids into premeditated killers . in the hands of controversial director larry clark ( " kids " )  however  it has less to say about its subject matter and more to say about the filmmaker ', s pornographic proclivities . in terms of the incident and what provoked it  " bully " stirs up nothing new . the high schoolers are presented as a uniformly screwed up lot -- bored with life  not much ambition  promiscuous  profane . the bully in question  bobby kent ( nick stahl )  is certainly an unpleasant piece of work but he doesn ', t exactly tower over his colleagues in the pathological department . he hounds and harries and humiliates his " best friend " marty ( played by brad renfro ) and marty ', s girlfriend lisa ( rachel miner ) doesn ', t care for it at all and comes up with the idea of killing bobby . simply remove him from the equation . marty and lisa and a handful of their promiscuous  profane  and stoner friends  plus a recruited hit man ( ? )  lure bobby to a swamp one night  stab him  beat him over the head with a baseball bat  and dump him into the canal where the sand crabs and the gators  presumably  finish him off . there ', s no remorse -- the next day they ', re talking about it as openly as a homework assignment . they did it because they wanted to  and because they could . what ', s most troubling about the film  however  isn ', t the unsettling subject matter and the matter - of - fact way these young people go about eliminating one of their own but the way in which clark is constantly distracted by his own material . not only is the nudity plentiful and graphic in " bully " but there ', s also an uneasy  exploitative feel to it . gratuitous crotch shots abound ( one of which makes the zipper cut - away in " there ', s something about mary " look like the height of subtlety ! ) . clark is so pre - occupied with his female ( predominantly ) leads that you forget  at times  what this movie is supposed to be about . the stripping bare  literally and figuratively  of these actors ( who are  after all  playing underage teenagers ) becomes harder to watch over time  as you begin to feel for them and question the motives of the man behind the camera . the conclusion of " bully " offers up literal snapshots of information about the sentences imposed on each of the protagonists for their involvement in the crime . it ', s a short sequence of stills -- heather : 7 years ; ali : 40 years ; lisa : life imprisonment  for example -- but it ', s infinitely more telling than the 110 minutes of rampant unpleasantness that precedes it . " bully " aims for truth  exploits it shamelessly  then bludgeons it to death .
neg sean connery stars as a harvard law professor who heads back into the courtroom  by way of the everglades  to defend a young  educated black man ( blair underwood ) . the guy is on death row for the murder of a white girl  and says that his confession was coerced from the region ', s tough  black cop ( lawrence fishburne ) . watching connery and fishburne bump heads for two hours is amusing enough  but the plot ', s a joke . there ', s no logic at work here . tone is also an issue -- there is none . director arne glimcher never establishes exactly what his film is trying to say . is it a statement on human rights ? is it a knock - off of silence of the lambs ? glimcher never tells . instead  he forces his characters to jump through hoop after hoop  over drawbridge after drawbridge  hoping that the audience won ', t notice what ', s missing . just awful . the madness of king george 107 min . / not rated ========================== still wondering who nigel hawthorne is ? then check out his oscar - nominated work in the madness of king george  still playing in both raleigh and chapel hill . stage director nicholas hytner  in a remarkable screen debut  has adapted alan bennett ', s 1991 tragic comedy to fine effect . sumptuous - looking and only mildly stuffy  the film charts the madness that plagued king george iii ( hawthorne ) almost 30 years into his reign . a man of no importance 98 min . / rated " r " ====================== in suri krishnamma ', s a man of no importance  albert finney disappears so deeply into the role of a lovable dublin bus conductor that it ', s a shame when the film gets so serious around him . his character is a conductor with a passion for oscar wilde . he reads to his riders  and once a year  with their help  he tries to stage one of the author ', s plays . this year it ', s " salome . " for about an hour  there ', s a sweet magic behind finney and his troupe of working - class stiffs . conflict arises  but it ', s small stuff -- an administrator from the bus company here  an outraged catholic pork butcher ( michael gambon ) there . but with finney at the wheel  so to speak  the film rolls smoothly over these plot points -- just like the gorgeous leland double - decker bus in the story . where things get serious is toward the end of the film  when the plot takes a turn that the bus never would  and the story heads down a very dark alley that marks the end of an enjoyable ride . the twist makes sense -- and helps paint a complete picture of finney ', s character -- but the trip to get there betrays the light  airy atmosphere of what had come before . it ', s not a fatal misstep  mind you  and it doesn ', t send the story soaring into the realms of incredulity . it ', s just a turn off . dr . strangelove 93 min . / not rated =============== mein fuhrer ! the most fun that * i * had last month was in durham  at the carolina  at a mid - week screening of stanley kubrick ', s pitch - black comedy dr . strangelove ( or how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb ) . the 1964 film stars peter sellers ( in three roles )  george c . scott  sterling hayden  and slim pickens . their antics brought the house down  which  to my surprise  was packed by an audience younger than the film .
neg among multitude of erotic thrillers  that had been released in the early 1990s  woman of desire is interesting only because it was directed by robert ginty  star of the b - grade action films of the previous decade . those who tend not to be nostalgic about 1980s can find very good reason in the type of movies that made ginty the star . as director  ginty did very little to improve that impression . the protagonist of the movie is jack ( played by jeff fahey )  yacht skipper that falls madly in love with christina ford ( played by bo derek ) . however  she has relationship with rich and powerful jonathan ashby ( steven bauer ) . one stormy night  the tragedy occurs and jack is accused of rape and murder . however  his good friend walter j . hill ( robert mitchum ) happens to be very good lawyer  so jack might even prove his innocence in the end . belonging more to the genre of courtroom drama than erotic thriller  woman of desire distinguishes itself from similar films by having almost all characters behaving like total idiots . unfortunately  this film isn ', t comedy and any laugh is unintentional . the characters are totally antipathetic and irritating and soon we stop caring what would happen to them . the actors that play them don ', t help either . that is especially the case with jeff fahey  whose jack is so stupid that even the character played by fahey in lawnmower man looks like a genius in comparison . his partner bo derek  on the other hand  shows that she didn ', t age enough to cease being the sex goddess  but that is small compensation for her apparent lack of acting talents . ginty  on the other hand  tries to bring some life in the movie by using many flashbacks and strange angles of shooting  but in the end it gets only irritating to the already bored and dissatisfied viewer .
neg " lake placid " marks yet another entry in the series of " predator pics " that were a screen staple in the late 1970s ( post - " jaws " ) and were revived recently by the godawful " anaconda . " " placid " claims to be a " horror / comedy " - it ', s directed by the same guy who did " house " - but its attempts at humor are actually less funny than deadpan seriousness of " anaconda . " paleontologist kelly scott ( bridget fonda ) is sent up to maine to examine a tooth removed from a body that had been bitten in half on the lake . discovering that the tooth belongs to a crocodile ( which shouldn ', t even be in this hemisphere )  kelly goes croc - hunting with game warden jack wells ( bill pullman ) and sheriff hank keough ( brendan gleeson ) . they ', re joined by an unwelcome guest  hector cyr ( oliver platt )  a scholar who worships crocs and searches all over the world for them . along the way  the merry band meets mrs . delores bickerman ( betty white )  a weird old lady who lives out on the lake . you know what to expect from this movie : lots of shots where the camera is the eyes of the predator ( croc cam ) swimming toward someone ', s dangling legs while " jaws " - like music plays  one character ( hector ) who ', s obsessed with the croc and stupidly endangers the rest  another character who insists that the predator can ', t possibly exist . unlike its slippery cousin " anaconda  " " lake placid " wants to present its formulaic plot tongue - in - cheek  which is self - defeating . the result is neither scary nor funny ; it ', s just tedious . while director steve miner has several horror films on his resume ( including two installments of " friday the 13th " and " halloween h20 " )  screenwriter david kelley ( best known as the creator of tv series like " ally mcbeal " and " chicago hope " ) doesn ', t seem to have the stomach for a chomp ', em up flick . the body count is surprisingly low and doesn ', t include any of the major characters  and most annoyingly kelly and hector insist that they capture the crocodile alive rather than killing it . ( " lake placid " manages to have it both ways - i ', ll let you discover how for yourself ) . the croc itself is mostly computer - generated  of course . like the snake in " anaconda  " the thirty - foot monster crocodile doesn ', t seem real ; it moves too quickly and in ways that seem unnatural . " lake placid " also offers little explanation for why a giant crocodile is in maine . there is a lot of semi - mystical mumbo jumbo about how " we really don ', t know much about crocodiles . " they would have been better off going with something like the urban myth about alligators in the sewers . a movie like this doesn ', t have to offer much of an explanation ( radioactive mutant ? creature from outer space ? )  but it does have to give the audience something to hang their disbelief on . pullman and fonda seem to be plodding through the movie on auto - pilot . most of the time  they ', re probably thinking about killing their agents or wondering if making this movie marks the end of their careers . platt and white  on the other hand  seem to be giving their best efforts  and they manage to squeeze a few chuckles out of this sorry script .
neg capsule : where are you tonight  leni rienfenstal ? starship troopers is an expensive  hateful and unenjoyable piece of violent pornography -- and bad pornography  at that . it is not good cinema  not good storytelling  and not even stupid fun : it ', s so cynically  calculatedly bone - headed that even the least demanding members of the audience i was with were alternately bored and revulsed . it ', s one of the worst movies i ', ve seen in a long time . why am i calling this movie pornography ? pornography  in the abstract  is anything which is calculated to appeal to the baser instincts . i remember reading a review of full metal jacket which described the climact moment at the end of the movie  where private joker has to shoot the downed vc sniper  as " a near - pornographic eternity " . i didn ', t agree with that assessment  but i could see what was being implied : the reviewer felt as if the audience was being incited to stand up and pump their fists and shout " do ', er  man  do ', er ! " that sentiment is echoed ad nauseam throughout starship troopers . it ', s * literally * like a giant recruitment film that has gone berserk . it tries frantically to enlist our emotions but it winds up only being dull or sickening . the film takes place in our future  when earth has come under attack by some alien species that doesn ', t appear to have intelligence . to counterattack  humankind does the single stupidest thing imaginable : instead of nuke the planet from orbit  which they ', re clearly capable of  they send down grunts with m - 16 rifles . this isn ', t heinlein  it ', s a bad wwii movie  one where all the most obvious points of satire are ever poked and prodded in combat scenes that are noisy  repetitive  and ultimately tiresome . ( one scene has a journalist on a battlefield  filimg soldiers being slaughtered  and ends with groaning predictability : said cameraman gets skewered  too . ) the soldiers and their commanders are consistently idiotic . they do not possess a germ of tactical intelligence or even common sense . they don ', t even behave like soldiers in a bad * movie *  and therefore we don ', t care about them . we hated the tom berenger character in platoon  but he * mattered *  and therefore we were curious to learn about his fate . here  we don ', t even hate the bugs -- what ', s there to hate ? hating them would be like cursing a hurricaine . if there ', s anything really hateful there  the movie doesn ', t know how to give it to us . the screenwriter ( ed neumeier -- perhaps a better appelation would be " screen typist " ) and director ( the increasingly talent - impaired paul verhoeven ) have not found any way to make the characters or the story serve each other . one of the subplots concerns a woman pilot who ', s great at getting out of tight situations  and does it again and again and again . once or twice is fine . by the fifth or sixth time  it ', s worn out its welcome . there ', s never any sense that these people are really thinking their way out of anything  or really being tested to show their mettle . also  the movie is irritatingly selective with how effective the bugs are to earthling weaponry . if a bug has one of the humans screaming in its grasp  then five guys can stand around it and blast away on full auto without doing a damned thing . but if one human gets cornered  he lays waste to whole platoons of bugs with one clip . uh - huh . the very worst feature of the movie is its repulsive quasi - fascist flavor . i say " quasi - " because while the movie uses many of the trappings of fascism ot eroticize its action -- the gear  the uniforms  etc . -- the movie doesn ', t have the nerve ( or the brains ) to be genuinely fascist  or intelligent about the subject . the bumpers between scenes  which are apparently intended to parody wartime recruitment propaganda are propaganda -- just so clumsy and oafish that they wind up making the bugs look relatively innocuous in comparison . like the rest of the movie . there ', s more  i suppose  but it ', s not worth it . the acting is bland  neither arsenic nor gravy ; the music disposable ; the camerawork turgid . the heartbreaking thing is that it makes independence day look like a masterpiece .
neg the classic story & the production which ruined it marking the centennial anniversary of the 1896 h . g . wells classic  new line cinema  armed with a stellar cast and expert make - up effects man stan winston ( alien  predator  terminator etc ) churns out yet another hollywood film based on the classic novel . of course  the production is no doubt much more superior compared to the earlier 2 movies  one of which was made back in the 1933 and the other in the 1977  under the title the island of lost souls ( sounds like a much better title . . ) . the story begins with edward douglas ( thewlis )  a un representative sent to oversee a peace treaty somewhere in the south pacific  who is saved from the brink of death by montgomery ( kilmer ) after his plane crashes into the sea . douglas soon learns that montgomery is working for dr . moreau  who incidently  owns the island and also a reputable geneticist who has been awarded the nobel prize . his host ', s reluctance to allow him to freely move around the island becomes clear when he stumbled into moreau ', s lab  when a monstrous birth was in progress . even worse  the other workers in the lab are not exactly normal " people . " douglas stumbles across yet another shocking discovery when he is led to the beast - people community  which considers dr . moreau their maker . using shock - therapy and the law  dr . moreau has long been able to keep his beast - people civilised to some extent but there are a few animal - men who are just too savage to be controlled . the island of dr . moreau questions the ability of men playing god . dr . moreau is a man obsessed with creating a race of beings which is free from hate and violence . . . but the savage within every beast is not something one can suppress for long . moreau has no doubt a very interesting premise within its grasp . even so  the production has failed to make the most out of it . there are too many characters to put your attention to and the worst thing is  the characters are not " prioritized " so when the audience is led to believe that a particular character is important  before they know it  he or she or it perishes . . . . rather ungloriously at times too . perhaps there is some redemption in the development of the beast people  especially aissa ( balk )  the most human of moreau ', s creations . the two very important characters  montgomery and dr . moreau himself receive no development at all and it is in this area that the script fails miserably . more screen time could have been used for character interaction and development . i really would have liked it better if  say  they delved more into dr . moreau ', s obsession  montgomery ', s purpose in the story and justification to as why the beast - people had to rebel . maybe the nature of the screenplay  which incidently  does not incorporate much action sequences in the film  forced the filmmakers to " cut a long story short " and make it more of an action film than anything else ( it ', s still summer  and movies have to be " marketable " ) . the special effects too  are really nothing for anyone to shout about . at most  i would say the beast - men looked just a bit more realistic than those apes in planet of the apes . this h . g . wells classic really has potential to be a good film . unfortunately  after 2 adaptations  they still could not decide on how and what to focus their attention on to really bring out that important message which makes up the entire essence of the story . as a third outing  the island of dr . moreau accomplishes little and is nothing more than an inferior version of ` the planet of the apes ', . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg lengthy and lousy are two words to describe the boring drama the english patient . great acting  music and cinematography were nice  but too many dull sub - plots and characters made the film hard to follow . ralph fiennes ( strange days  schindler ', s list ) gives a gripping performance as count laszlo almasy  a victim of amnesia and horrible burns after world war ii in italy . the story revolves around his past  in flashback form  making it even more confusing . anyway  he is taken in by hana ( juliette binoche  the horseman on the roof )  a boring war - torn nurse . she was never really made into anything  until she met an indian towards the end  developing yet another sub - plot . count almasy begins to remember what happened to him as it is explained by a stranger ( willem dafoe  basquiat ) . his love ( kirstin scott thomas  mission impossible ) was severely injured in a plane crash  and eventually died in a cave . he returned to find her dead and was heart - broken . so he flew her dead body somewhere  but was shot down from the ground . don ', t get the wrong idea  it may sound good and the trailer may be tempting  but good is the last thing this film is . maybe if it were an hour less  it may have been tolerable  but 2 hours and 40 minutes of talking is too much to handle . the only redeeming qualities about this film are the fine acting of fiennes and dafoe and the beautiful desert cinematography . other than these  the english patient is full of worthless scenes of boredom and wastes entirely too much film . ])
neg out of sight director steven sorderbergh baffles the hell out of us all in the limey  a cold  uninvolving  confusing new thriller . though the plot description may at first seem like it came from the pen of elmore leonard ( author of out of sight  as well as jackie brown  get shorty and pulp fiction )  after you watch it  you realize that it ', s not nearly good enough . in an aggressively non - linear fashion  the limey ( li * mey  noun : an english gentleman ) tells the story of wilson ( terrence stamp )  a british ex - con just released from a 9 year stint in prison for armed robbery . he has come to the us to seek vengeance for the death of his daughter jenny . he doesn ', t know much about the circumstances of her demise  all he has is a name : terry valentine . valentine was jenny ', s former boyfriend  a wealthy and corrupt record executive . he ', s played by peter fonda  in his first major role since the terrific ulee ', s gold in 1997 . seeking valentine ', s reclusive place of residence turns out to be no easy task for wilson . he finally finds the impressive abode high in the mountains and sneaks in just as valentine is having a big party . he winds up breaking his cover eventually  setting off valentine ', s head of security and valentine himself  who decides to run for it . what a mess . i have no problem when films refuse to be constricted by the linearity of time -- pulp fiction  which twisted time every which way  was a masterpiece -- but i do take exception to movies that decide to play around with it for no reason other than to confuse the viewer . the limey does exactly that . the plot is permeated with flashbacks  flash - forwards and what can only be described as random time - travel  without any evident purpose . there is no method to this movie ', s madness . it uses a fancy way to tell a story that would be better off told more conventionally and more comprehendably . the plot isn ', t particularly interesting in the first place : traditional  mildly hackneyed and not very involving . this is a sort of brooding film -- our protagonist doesn ', t speak much and the action sequences are done with an annoyingly perfunctory attitude . i felt like the director wasn ', t very interested in the proceedings himself  almost like he made this film for a paycheck . ditto for the editing  which seems to be deliberately sloppy and unpleasant . sixties icon terrence stamp manages to at least be menacing as the aging criminal . he ', s not much in the way of stature but he has a surprisingly imposing physical presence that works to his advantage here . peter fonda is an unbelievably underrated actor : he ', s shy  quiet but always effective . he ', s adept at conveying emotions through speech rather than expression : his feelings don ', t always show on his face by you can always tell what they are . this is basically a conventional thriller told in a pretentiously bizarre fashion . why soderbergh couldn ', t just parrot down and tell a story  i don ', t know  but what he does do certainly doesn ', t work . the result is a wild cornucopia of images that amount to precisely nil -- even the action scenes don ', t work . 1999 may have signified the death of the traditional act one - act two - act three storyline  but obviously some movies have not yet transcended it . shall we go back to basics ?
neg a pseudo - intellectual film about the pseudo - intellectual world of art magazines  high art is as wasted as its drug - addled protagonists . in the only notable part of the movie  ally sheedy and radha mitchell deliver nice performances in the two leading roles  not that lisa cholodenko ', s script or direction makes you care much about either character . living in a world of heroin induced highs  they float along until they fall in love with each other . this uninviting picture  full of pretentious minor characters  has a receptionist that reads dostoevski and a woman in the restroom line who is a certified genius  having recently been awarded a prestigious mcarthur grant . 24 - year - old syd ( radha mitchell )  who has a rather bland  live - in boyfriend  was just promoted to assistant editor at the artistic photography magazine " frame . " although the receptionist is impressed  syd is mainly a gofer for her boss until she meets famous photographer lucy berliner ( ally sheedy ) . for her to do photos for " frame  " lucy demands that syd be promoted to editor and assigned to her since lucy fancies her . lucy lives with her current lover  a washed up german actress named greta  played with a frequently indecipherable series of mumbles by patricia clarkson . the two of them and their friends wile away their time snorting and shooting up dope  usually heroin . this does not happen in a single episode  but becomes more commonplace than sleeping in the picture . syd  who lives in the apartment below them  joins in on the fun and becomes a member of the zombie club . lucy seems pretty happy with her life of drugs  which apparently is funded by her mother . lucy quit working professionally 10 years ago since she thought she was being " pigeonholed  " and  since her mother has money  we can only assume that that ', s how lucy supports her habit and procures her living expenses . a typical scene has the editors arguing about whether a potential photographer ', s work is transcendental or merely classical . that no one has a clue as to the dogma they are spouting becomes obvious but not particularly funny . " your work has a cultural currency that is important now  " is the artist - speak that the frame ', s manager uses to convince lucy to show her pictures in the magazine . when the big scene comes in which lucy puts the moves on syd  her idea of a romantic line is  " i want to get high with you . " in lucy ', s world  sex and drugs come hand - in - hand . and the movie  except for the obligatory scene of someone almost overdosing  shows drug usage as being a hip and natural part of the art scene . this vacuous picture throws in a standard downer ending in an attempt to manipulate our emotions . in another movie  it might have worked  but in this one the reaction is likely to be decidedly muted . high art runs 1 : 36 . it is rated r for explicit sex  pervasive drug use and language and is not appropriate for those younger than college age .
neg " party camp  " is one of the most mindnumbingly brainless comedies i ', ve seen in awhile . a late rip - off of the " meatballs " series  the film follows a group of young camp counselors at camp chipmunk . that ', s really about all that can be said about the " plot " because nothing much happens  except that the main character  wise - cracking jerry ( andrew ross )  has the hots for a cute blonde ( kerry brennan )  and there is a big contest in the climax . how fun ! since  " party camp  " has practically no screenplay and there is no talent at all involved  the least the makers could have done was make it raunchy and exploitative . it ', s not that i think exploitation is necessarily a good quality  but when you are talking about a dull turkey like this  the least that could have been done would be to fill it with a lot of mindless sex . even a psychopathic slasher at the camp would have done the trick . at least  then  it wouldn ', t have been such a chore to sit through . never before have i seen so many jokes fall astoundingly flat . the comedy was easy to spot  but it wasn ', t the least bit funny . it was groan - inducing . constantly throghout  i was asking myself if director gary graver actually thought this movie was worth anything . so what saves  " party camp  " from the dreaded zero star rating ? well  that ', s simple : jewel shepard  as a flighty bimbo  was admittedly fun to watch . although nothing could have saved this film from the lowest depths of motion picture trash  at least if the film had centered on shepard  she might have been able to add a little spice to an otherwise rancid  low - budget teen comedy .
neg i ', m currently accepting all future names for drew barrymore characters . in _the wedding singer_  she was julia gulia . in _never been kissed_  she ', s josie grossie . future db character names include : janet granite  janey grainy  and for that nc - 17 project in the works  jo - jo . . . aw forget it . i ', ll stick to my day job . this is a teen movie  all right  except the main characters aren ', t teens . drew barrymore is a copy editor at the chicago sun times who gets her big break as a reporter  only it ', s very clear from the onset that she lacks the toughness and the pushy extravertedness that marks the best of reporters . the story she ', s covering is not really a story  but a story in the making . she is to return to high school as a student and explain what ', s really going on . the irony is that drew ', s character  was such a dweeb first time around  that she is terrified at going back . when she does  she says the wrong things  wears the wrong clothes  and projects the " i know the answer " in class that popular kids ( or at least popular kids in the movies ) reject . at least she befriends nerdy aldys ( joan of arc ', s leelee sobieski -- watch for her )  who turns out to be more beautiful than those who are " supposed " to be more beautiful than her . what works : drew ', s geeky old - self . after a start in films that was headline driven  and a nadir of roles that had her play the sluttish character  it ', s a surprise to see her with bad hair  big glasses and braces . it ', s very funny . what doesn ', t work : drew ', s geeky new - self . come on . nobody dresses as bad as she does . couldn ', t she just go to _the gap_ and take suggestions ? had she dressed like princess leia it would have been better . the comedy is supposed to progress when drew ', s younger brother ( played with zest by david arquette ) reenlists to jump - start his baseball career . now  how in the world can somebody as nerdy ( but in a funny way ) as he can be the most popular kid in the school . . . in a day ? ! the dialogue in the film is  well  an embarrassment . her co - workers ( molly shannon  john c . reilly and gary marshall ) are in terminal hyper - drive . her teenage peers ( except sobieski ) are so inept and stupid that there ', s little bite from them . couldn ', t the filmmakers watch _heathers_ first ? lastly  i am proud to say that i caught a significant gaffe in the film . if you see the film  you ', d know what i ', m talking about : drew walks into a bar  has her hand stamped  and over the night associates with some rastafarians with some delicious  um  cake . she goes wild  sleeps in late . when she wakes  she rushes off to school  without showering  without noticing that her head  lying on her stamped hand all night  has transferred part of the stamp ', s image to her forehead  spelling " loser " . funny  eh ? . . . except that the hand would have transferred that image backwords .
neg when it comes to the average teenage romantic comedy  i expect negative reviews from critics left and right . predictable  unoriginal  and forgettable will most likely be the three adjectives to haunt the down to you ', s and the drive me crazy ', s released by the dozens these last couple of years . what i really look for in this kind of movie is the entertainment value while i ', m sitting in the theater . am i enjoying myself ? is this a comfortable break from my week of finals ? this is why i have given films like final destination or road trip high marks ; i had a party of a time wasting my money on something i won ', t remember next week . so last week i opened up the new york times - and  no surprise  boys and girls got a negative review . daily news ? negative . reelviews ? negative . epinions . com ? negative . this was nothing new . american pie  final destination  road trip didn ', t get such hot reviews and i loved those guilty pleasures . same goes for she ', s all that  a formulaic but enjoyable pygmalion adaptation that got unjustly pounded . since boys and girls reunites she ', s all that director robert iscove and actor freddie prinze jr .  i predicted d ? j ? vu al over again . but  still curious  i asked around my school and from the one or two people who had seen it  the reactions were far from positive . i had made up my mind ; i ', ll catch it on video or cable in a couple of years . but  soon after  following a series of unexpected events ( we couldn ', t get into shaft because it is rated r )  i found myself watching boys and girls . whoops . boys and girls is about a " nerdy  smart " boy named ryan ( prinze jr . ) and a " popular  flirt " girl named jennifer ( claire forlani ) . briefly meeting as pre - teens and now attending the same college  the two bump into each other so many times that eventually they become best friends . but in the movies  a male and a female cannot be friends without having that nagging feeling of attraction for each other . with advice from their roommates ( amanda detmer  jason biggs )  ryan and jennifer attempt to discover the true meaning of their relationship . the film definitely lives up to the dreaded three adjectives - and mindless entertainment is nowhere to be found . i could hardly sit through the 93 minute running time for several reasons . the dialogue is probably the worst i have ever seen in any movie  mainly because the whole movie depends on the boring script and the ridiculous words these characters use is what hollywood thinks kids can relate to . it is almost offensive . an example of an insightful conversation : " you ', re dumb . dumb  dumb  dumb  dumb . " " no . " ( followed by a mandy moore - esque tune background ) ( well it ', s not as bad as wing commander i guess ) the supporting cast is also painfully useless . detmer and biggs stand in the way for anything interesting to happen with their own boring  pointless subplots . and although this is supposed to be from both perspectives of the human sex  prinze jr ', s ryan dominates the screen while forlani ', s jennifer simply acts as a dilemma for him to work with . we never learn anything about jennifer which is a shame too because forlani is the only actor to bring any life into her character . teenager or not : you ', ll hate this movie  i guarantee it . maybe i should rent she ', s all that again . is it really as good as i think it is ?
neg all through its production and into the early days of its initial  aborted pre - release publicity  hard rain bore the appropriate moniker of the flood . ultimately  however  paramount pictures  nervous that this movie would be confused with 1996 ', s other  underperforming disaster films ( dante ', s peak  volcano )  changed the title and shifted the release date by nearly a year . but  to paraphrase the bard  swill  by any other name  would smell as rank . no number of name changes can help this picture . it ', s not just about a disaster  it is a disaster . hard rain is the case of a movie that gets progressively worse with every passing minute . the best shot occurs during the opening credits  as the camera pans over the streets and byways of huntingburg  indiana as the water level slowly rises . the community  protected by an overworked dam  is being evacuated as the rain continues to pour relentlessly from the cloud - choked skies . from that moment on  it ', s all downhill . whatever initial entertainment value the film possesses has long since drained away by the halfway point . it takes forever to get to the end credits -- this is one of the longest - seeming 95 - minute motion pictures i have recently endured . basically  hard rain is one extended  dull chase sequence punctuated by occasional shoot - outs . there ', s a lot of water  broken glass  gunfire  and explosions . it ', s all very routine and uninteresting because there aren ', t any real characters and the plot only occasionally makes sense . the film ', s conclusion is so preposterous that it ', s almost worth watching for the sheer masochistic enjoyment of seeing the monumentally idiotic way that the film makers decide to resolve the myriad subplots that are floating around . action films are supposed to become progressively more invigorating as they rush towards a conclusion . graham yost  the writer of both speed and hard rain  surely understands that principle . unfortunately  neither he  nor cinematographer - turned - director mikael salomon ( a far off place )  applies it . the action in hard rain grows tedious through repetition . we see the same kinds of things -- speedboat chases  flood damage  shoot - outs  etc . -- over and over again . the movie constantly recycles about twenty minutes worth of material to pad the running time out to an acceptable movie length . the storyline gives us a number of paper - thin characters in contrived circumstances . there ', s tom ( christian slater )  the one - dimensional action hero who works as a security guard driving an armored car full of cash . he and his partner  charlie ( edward asner  tv ', s " lou grant " )  get stuck on a street that ', s rapidly turning into a river . a group of men  led by jimmy ( morgan freeman )  arrive on the scene not as rescuers but as robbers . after charlie is killed in a shoot - out  tom hides the money  then runs . as he swims and boats his way through huntingburg ', s roads  he encounters some of the locals : karen ( minnie driver )  a would - be love interest ; a bickering old couple ( richard dysart and betty white )  who are on hand to provide comic relief ; and the easily - corrupted sheriff ( randy quaid )  whose seeming helpfulness hides sinister ulterior motives . there isn ', t any real acting in this film . christian slater utters a few lame one - liners and does a lot of mugging for the camera . tom is easily one of the most lifeless characters the actor has brought to the screen . randy quaid sneers a lot  and is totally unconvincing . morgan freeman and minnie driver both attempt to give legitimate performances  but they are defeated by the script . freeman  one of the best cinematic thespians working today  looks suitably embarrassed to be here  but i suppose everyone needs a good paycheck from time - to - time . following in the wake of twister  this is yet another natural disaster movie that doesn ', t trust nature ', s fury as the chief engine of conflict . as a result  we are saddled with an idiotic good guys / bad guys story that effectively ruins any potential that the flood tale could have had . titanic proved that there can be a wealth of drama in a movie where everything goes under water . hard rain successfully demonstrates that the opposite is equally possible . thus far this year  hollywood has already subjected us to its unique brand of moronic mayhem by fire ( firestorm ) and water ( hard rain ) . fortunately  there are only two elements left .
neg instinct is the kind of movie that inexperienced moviegoers will undoubtedly label as " powerful " or " touching " . i have a name for it myself : " gross " . this is the sort of film where somebody stands up to a bully  the bully looks at the " rebel " threateningly  about to hurt him  and then everyone else whom the bully has heretofore controlled stands up too . how that scene is still present in so many movies today appalls me : aren ', t present day moviegoers beyond being " inspired " by something like that ? this is one example ( there are actually some more in instinct alone ) of filmmakers insulting the audience ', s intelligence . instinct ', s plot is brimming with potential : world - renowned anthropologist ethan powell ( anthony hopkins ) disappeared for two years whilst doing research in the jungles of africa . he was found and is coming back to the united states a convicted killer ; he murdered to african policemen who were allegedly trying to capture him . after committing a few more brutal acts of violence in the airport  the authorities stick him in a prison ', s " psychotics ward " . assigned to do an evaluation on powell is a bright ( or so we are told ) young psychiatrist theo caulder ( cuba gooding jr . ) . caulder starts out doing the evaluation merely for the purpose of furthering his career . of course ( and no mainstream filmmaker would ever have it any other way ) he starts really caring for powell and he becomes fixed on helping powell prove that he is not a psychotic and that he should not be in prison . and then there ', s the inevitable " heartless meanie " character  in the form of donald sutherland who plays caulder ', s mentor . he cares for caulder but does everything he can to discourage him from helping powell . let ', s get one thing straight : dr . theo caulder is the most blatantly incompetent psychiatrist i have ever seen  on screen or off . any good shrink will listen to what his patient has to say no matter the subject because any good shrink will learn a great deal about his patient that way . not good old theo . no  he asks purposefully pointed questions and when powell dares to venture to another subject caulder says " we need to talk about this right now . " this is a flaw only in the sense that it detracts from instinct ', s already dubious credibility ; unfortunately it ', s also the least of its problems . director jon turteltaub  who made the delightful john travolta vehicle phenomenon as well as the surprisingly above - par cool runnings decided to make this movie so shamelessly sentimental that  contrary to what this movie ', s promotion would have you believe  it has much more in common with patch adams than with the silence of the lambs . it ', s not the kind of sentimentality that can almost bring tears to your eyes ( what dreams may come aptly demonstrated that ) but the kind that brings vomit up your esophagus ( excuse the graphic depiction ) . it aims to " inspire " rather than to touch hearts . as yoda would say  inspire it does not . it is the ultimate sign of futility when a screenwriter ( the very experienced gerald di pego ) has to resort to literally telling the audience a movie ', s story . indeed  somewhere in the beginning of instinct  one of the characters actually reads aloud the film ', s plot to another character . this  like the instance i mentioned in the first paragraph of this review  is a horrid insult to our intelligence . i am forced to wonder whether turteltaub and di pego did not think that we could figure out what instinct is about simply from regular conversation . i think that anthony hopkins is one of the greatest screen actors  and he chews the scenery in this movie  brilliant as ever . oscar winner cuba gooding jr . on the other hand is dreadful . his performance is at least part of what makes his character seem so incapable of being a shrink . i liked the guy in jerry maguire as well as in as good as it gets but here he fails to project any shred of credibility or real feeling . i love animals  and instinct ', s prominent save the gorillas / live in harmony with nature theme is certainly something i could sympathize with . however this movie ', s execution is completely unacceptable . tone down the violence and this will be a chick flick . ? 1999 eugene novikov
neg sydney lumet is the director whose work happens to be of varied quality . he is praised for some of the most important films of the previous decades  like twelve angry men  serpico or the verdict . but  in the same time  almost any of such pearls is followed by stinkers that hamper lumet ', s reputation . a stranger among us  1992 rip - off of peter weir ', s witness  belongs to the latter category . the heroine of this movie is emily eden ( melanie griffith )  tough lady cop who sometimes shows too much enthusiasm in battling bad guys on the streets of new york . during one of such actions  her partner nick ( jamey sheridan ) got hurt and as a result  she becomes depressed . in order to help her recover  bosses give her rather easy task of locating missing jeweller who belonged to hassidic jew community . emily starts investigation and soon realises that the case involves murder . concluding that the perpetrator belongs to community  she decides to go undercover . that isn ', t easy  because her modern manners are colliding with traditionalist ways . things get even more complicated when she develops feelings for young cabalistic scholar ariel ( eric thal ) . using peter weir ', s formula isn ', t the greatest flaw of this film . even the lame and unispiring crime mystery subplot works to the certain extent . but the worst insult to viewer ', s audience is terrible miscasting of melanie griffith . the author of this review never liked this actress very much  but she was at least tolerable in some of her roles . role of emily eden  unfortunately  isn ', t one of them . first of all  she can ', t pass for tough nypd street fighter  and her attempt to pass for orthodox jewish woman isn ', t much better . screenplay by robert j . avrech makes things even worse with some formulaic red herring subplots ( scene involving two italian gangsters was almost too painful to watch ) . but  on the other hand  other actors are more convincing ( lee richardson as an old rabbi  thal as ariel and charming mia sara as his intended bride )  and the photography by andrzej bartkowiak very effectively creates atmosphere of warmth when the scenes take place in hassidic community . also  the film might educate viewers about hassidic culture . that is the only thing that prevents it from turning into total waste of time .
neg " the world on land -- it ', s just too big for me . " starring tim roth  pruitt taylor vince  bill nunn  clarence williams iii . rated r . the legend of 1900s is the year ', s most absurd movie  a rambling  nonsensical piece of seafaring garbage that goes nowhere fast . it stars thespian extraordinaire tim roth  looking wistful as ever  as a guy named . . . 1900 . you heard right . his name is  in all actuality  1900 . he was born on an ocean liner on 1 / 1 / 1900 ( uh  hence the name )  abandoned and adopted by danny  a ship crewman . 1900 spends most of his early years hiding in the bowels of the ship because of danny ', s fear that he might be taken away from him because of " visa matters . " well  when 1900 is about 9 or so  he starts wondering all around the ship . one day  he discovers a grand piano . he sits down and starts playing . miraculously  what comes out is beautiful . a group of onlookers gathers to watch this stunning prodigy make such amazing music at such a young age . when one of the people who knows 1900 tells him that his playing the piano like that without permission is " totally against regulations " 1900 replies " f * ck the regulations ! " ho ho ho . 1900 grows up never setting foot on dry land . when he ', s about 30ish and can play the piano like nobody ', s business  onboard comes another musician . his name is max ( pruitt taylor vince ) and he plays the trumpet . after 1900 catches max barfing everywhere during a storm  he sits him down on the piano next to him  takes the piano ', s braces off and plays while the piano flies all around the hall  taking them with it . how the chair they ', re sitting on and the piano don ', t separate  i don ', t know  but this apparently isn ', t the kind of thing we ', re supposed to ask . after that  1900 and max become friends . max is determined to get 1900 off the ship and discover what he is missing on land  but 1900 has no intention of doing so . what ', s more  he doesn ', t even want his music to go anywhere without him : when a record company hears about his talents  they come on board to make a record of his music  but after finding out that -- gasp ! -- they ', re going to make millions of copies  he breaks the record . the conflict of the movie is that after max  unsuccessful in his endeavor to get 1900 off the ship  gets off himself  he stumbles upon a record of 1900 ', s music in a store . the record shouldn ', t exist because a ) 1900 never stepped on dry land and b ) the one record that was made on the ship was broken . ladies and gentlemen  it ', s a mystery ! the story itself is ludicrous and uninteresting and so are its elements . we ', re supposed to be roused by a climactic . . . piano duel ? there isn ', t anything in this movie with the potential to compel . 1900 comes off as a whiny  brooding  extremely unlikable man : i can ', t recall a single word he said that was not some sort of depressing pseudo - meditation on life . ditto for max  who doesn ', t seem to have a life outside his friendship with 1900 . tim roth plays 1900 with about as much panache as a fig leaf ; there ', s no spirit  no gusto to the character . he insists that he leads a happy life on the ship  but to us he is dead . pruitt taylor vince is a little more palatable  at least providing a moment of comic relief here and there to liven things up a bit . the highlight of the movie would have to be the eminently amusing clarence williams the iii as the arrogant  leering " king of jazz " who challenges 1900 to the aforementioned piano duel . the legend of 1900 was made by giuseppe tornatore  whose 1988 cinema paradiso is considered a masterpiece by many . this effort is utterly limp and lifeless . at once ridiculous  boring  narrow - sighted and pointless  this is one movie that should be -- and will be -- quickly forgotten .
neg my giant is two movies for the price of one  but neither is worth the cost of admission  even if you get in free . as lamely directed by michael lehmann  the picture tries to be a comedy by using and reusing every giant joke in the book . ( " without goliath  david is just some punk throwing rocks . " ) languidly paced throughout  the movie becomes increasingly lugubrious as the screenplay by david seltzer ( the omen ) meanders toward its sad ending . since it ', s rarely funny or convincingly dramatic  what the filmmakers thought they were doing remains a mystery . other than a few nice visuals  there ', s nothing to recommend the picture . with great film comedies under his belt from when harry met sally ? to the original city slickers  billy crystal has shown that he ', s more than the world ', s best oscar host . he does  however  have a propensity for choosing hopeless material as in last year ', s father ', s day and this year ', s my giant . one wonders if he reads the script before agreeing to go ahead with a project . surely reading the one for my giant would have shown that there was nothing there . perhaps he thought he could ad lib it into success . or maybe he wants to be a dramatic actor and thought he could do something serious with the movie ', s somber tone . the most charitable thing that could be said about it is that it is so ineffectual that people will probably forget they saw it by the next day . this one - joke movie ', s single idea is to place real - life basketball player gheorghe muresan  who stands seven and a half feet tall  into as many visually striking situations as possible . sammy ( crystal )  an agent currently without clients  is rescued after a car accident by a sweet romanian giant named max ( muresan ) . after throwing out constant one - liners ( " either god is in the salvage business or big foot just took my car . " )  sammy decides to get serious  seeing max as his meal ticket . and although he doesn ', t like it  he ', s willing to sign max up to do disgusting events like a wrestling match with a half - dozen dwarfs . ( the movie itself knows no bounds as it contains one of the most putrid and lengthy vomiting scenes ever . ) after a series of missed opportunities  the comedic part of the movie is over  and it turns into a cheap and maudlin disease movie . we learn that max ', s condition is terminal  and he will soon die . to be fair  the movie does contain a few good scenes - all of which you can see in the trailers . let ', s hope billy gets himself a pair of reading glasses before he signs up for another movie . my giant runs too long even at just 1 : 37 . it is rated pg for violence and profanity and would be acceptable for kids around ten and up . my son jeffrey and his friend matthew  both 9  gave the movie a single star and had nothing good to say about it . matthew pointed out that it " is not as good as it could have been or should have been . " ( amen . ) he went on to comment that he did not like the way the movie changed completely in the middle . jeffrey complained particularly about how gross the movie was .
neg talk about a movie that seemed dated before it even hit the theaters ! spice world is the feature film debut of the pre - fabricated pop band  the spice girls . it ', s intended as a sort of hard day ', s night  but ends up simply hard to watch . when watching the spice girls  i ', m reminded of an old saturday morning cartoon trick ( such as from the smurfs  the snorks  or teenage mutant ninja turtles ) in which identically animated creatures are differentiated into characters merely by one personality quirk and a different name . the spice girls are themselves as interchangable as pringles  and about as talented . there ', s ginger ( geri halliwell )  the brainy one  sporty ( melanie chisholm )  the athletic one  baby ( emma bunton )  the childish one  posh ( victoria adams )  the fashion - conscious one  and scary ( melanie brown )  the one with a tongue pierced back so far you ', re almost certain the post sticks out her throat . the film itself doesn ', t really have a plot . it follows the girls as they travel here and there  culminating at their " first live performance " at albert hall . the action  however  seems more like a hodgepodge of mismatched ideas . the various misfires include : an alien encounter  a fiendish tabloid editor scheming to wreck the spice girls  the shooting of a spice girls documentary  a movie producer ( george wendt ) trying to pitch various ideas for a spice girls movie ( nearly all of which  though incredibly far fetched  seem more plausible than the mess with which they ended up )  a meeting with a pregnant friend ( whose sole purpose seems to be to maintain the film maxim that all pregnant characters must give birth before the movie ends )  a boating adventure  a bus race  club - hopping ( wherein apparently no one notices the famous spice girls among the crowd . . . even when they start to sing )  and an assorted number of musical performances  press conferences  and general all - around celebrity stuff . whew . for some reason  the film is littered with star cameos . from elton john to elvis costello  from bob hoskins to meat loaf . heck  even roger moore shows up  though he can ', t decide if he ', s parodying himself as james bond  or if he ', s lobbying to be the reincarnation of ernst stavro blofeld . richard e . grant has the largest secondary part  a thankless role of the band ', s manager  clifford . the celebrity spotting is partially amusing  and a decent way to pass the time when confronted with the rest of the film . neither amusing or spontaneous  when the spice girls are between songs they are deadly boring . their songs are alright  but they play like lifeless adaptations of the music videos . my advice to fans is : stay home and watch that video collection  or at least spin that cd a couple of more times . . . either option will be more enjoyable than the film . non - fans should know to stay well away from this one .
neg this feature is like a double header  two sets of clich ? s for the price of one . not only do we get the usual tired sports chestnuts  but the banal rich girl - poor boy love story is tossed in for good measure . an original moment in this loser is as rare as a chicago cubs world series appearance . the screenplay by kevin falls and john gatins  based on a story by falls  merely lobs its plotline at the audience . this is a story that needed sent down for seasoning and more coaching . summer catch centers around ryan dunne ( freddie prinze jr . )  a cape cod youth chosen to participate in the prestigious cape cod baseball league  supposedly a showcase for the best young amateur and college players in the country . ryan is a blue - collar kind of guy . he works with his dad taking care of the lawns of cape cod ', s rich and famous . he also  as we are informed early  his own worst enemy . he has the potential and the talent  but always seems to self - destruct at the crucial moment . so  ryan tries to remained focused on baseball . then he meets tenley parrish ( jessica biel )  daughter of one of the blue bloods whose lawn he manicures . tenley  a name only a hack screenwriter could invent  is unlike her snobbish counterparts and falls for ryan . if you can ', t figure out where all this nonsense leads  then you need a remedial course in film viewing . as always prinze is pretty to look at  but his performance mainly consists of facial expressions : puppy dog love  heartbreak  frustration  self - loathing or determination . biel cries a lot  while bruce davison merely acts smarmy as her class - conscious father . the only beacon is matthew lillard ', s fun - loving billy brubaker  the team ', s catcher . summer catch borrows situations and stylings from other baseball movies  such as bull durham and the natural . no curve balls here  no sliders . every pitch is predictable . a blind umpire could call this movie . summer catch is strictly rookie league moviemaking . it has as much chance of making the movie hall of fame as the dodgers have of moving back to brooklyn .
neg one of the responses those that enjoy " detroit rock city " ( probably kiss fans  mostly ) might have upon first glance at the rating i ', ve given the film might be something like : " oh  that casey ', s gone and become a jaded critic on us . just what did he expect out of a dumb teenage rock n ', roll movie like this ? " i ', m wondering the same thing . i feel like i should have had a grand time with " detroit rock city . " it ', s the sort of movie i wish i could ', ve had a lot of fun with  but i didn ', t . i just didn ', t . surely this film isn ', t trying to win any major awards  so should i have expected an oscar - caliber film ? no  but i expected something . a funny joke . a clever prank . a plot development . anything . the movie never delivers . you ', ve got to marvel at how the filmmakers managed to come up with a movie that is truly about nothing . " detroit rock city " is one of those films that you walk out of after the credits have rolled and realize that you just spent 90 minutes watching a movie in which absolutely nothing happened to justify the film ', s existence  and it ', s not a very satisfying realization . the film is about four teenage boys  all huge kiss fans from cleveland  trying to get into a kiss concert in detroit  michigan . that ', s it . there is no big plot description in this review  because the movie has very little plot . the characters are hawk ( edward furlong )  lex ( giuseppe andrews )  trip ( james debello )  and jam ( sam huntington ) . they have a garage band . they ', re pathetic  like all garage bands  but they like kiss and they like rock n ', roll  so i guess that means we root for them . they have tickets  they lose them . they get more tickets  they lose those too . they come up with crazy schemes to get tickets  most of which backfire . there ', s not much more to it . frankly  it becomes a little less than exciting to see them try to get kiss tickets about halfway through the film  when a total of eight tickets have already graced the boys ', hands  only to be lost because of their sheer stupidity . oh  and jam ( real name jeremiah ) has a really  really annoying ultra - religious mother who ought to be reported to the child welfare agency . she doesn ', t want them to see kiss  if you hadn ', t figured that out already . it ', s really quite disheartening to see such a fine soundtrack go to waste in a pointless movie like this . we ', ve got plenty of kiss  along with some ac / dc  ramones  and thin lizzy . then again  " maximum overdrive " had an awesome soundtrack ( me being the big ac / dc fan that i am )  but is probably one of the worst movies of all time . " detroit rock city " doesn ', t quite reach that level of ineptitude  but it gets dangerously close . in fact  the music is the only thing that keeps this movie from being a complete failure in my mind . basically  the soundtrack has earned the film a full half - star  which means all the bands involved can pat themselves on the back ( except for marilyn manson  whose half - hearted cover of ac / dc ', s " highway to hell " sounds like something my neighbor ', s cat coughed up ) . it ', s also really sad to see the talents of the cast go to waste  because it ', s evident that they ', re all trying really hard to squeeze some life out of this dead turkey of a movie . edward furlong has done far better work than this  and so has natasha lyonne  and so has lin shaye  but hey  they ', ve got to make a living in hollywood . people wanting to see kiss  and lots of it will probably be disappointed  considering the band appears for about five minutes and plays one song . too bad  they might have provided some energy to this mess . director adam rifkin knows he hasn ', t got much material to work with  so he takes a chapter from the michael bay book of directing and keeps his camera spinning . we get an endless parade of quick - cuts  split - screens  zoom - outs  zoom - ins  and rotating cameras  all in an effort to cover up the sheer stupidity of the script . it ', s fun for a while  but eventually it becomes disorienting . i would recommend that those who felt seasick at " the blair witch project " stay far away from " detroit rock city  " because the witch has got nothing on this baby . i haven ', t felt such an urge to reach out and hold the camera still since " armageddon . " and what about that script ? it ', s written by carl j . dupr ?  which sounds like as made - up a name as i ', ve ever heard . if it is  i can ', t say i blame the writer for distancing himself as far from this script as possible . a plotless  pointless rock n ', roll movie can be fun  if the jokes and gags are actually funny . the jokes in " detroit rock city " rarely are . in fact  the only time i really laughed was when a priest gets stoned on a marijuana - laced pizza  and that was just because it was so surreal . the rest of the movie just seems like they just threw a bunch of vulgar stuff up on screen and called it " comedy . " there is no set - up  just a succession of punchlines that don ', t provide for much in the way of chuckles  precisely because there was no set - up . it ', s as if they just whacked someone on the head  pointed at him and said  " see ? funny ! " look  that woman was so shocked by hearing loud kiss music that she spilled her drink . see ? funny ! look  that guy just got clocked by a telephone receiver . twice . see ? funny ! look  that kid has been vomiting for 20 minutes after drinking an inordinate amount of alcohol and is now about to perform an exotic dance for money . see ? funny ! a word of advice to mr . dupr ? : no  these things aren ', t funny all by themselves . they must be preceded by a clever set - up so the audience hasn ', t predicted them five minutes in advance . that ', s it  i ', ve said enough about this movie . it ', s a waste of time and money . i liked the music  but don ', t bother buying the soundtrack . i hear it ', s just modern bands doing inferior versions of the songs that are actually in the movie . you want to see this concept executed well ? go rent roger corman ', s 1979 classic " rock n ', roll high school . " it features another late - seventies rock band ( the ramones ) and a far more interesting story about a girl trying to get tickets to their show . yes  go rent that  and skip " detroit rock city  " which will probably bomb  and deservedly so .
neg has it really been two decades since walter matthau coached the bad news bears ? nineteen years and two mighty ducks later  the formula is still going strong . police academy graduate steve guttenberg stars as a small - town deputy sheriff corralled into co - coaching the school ', s hastily formed soccer team . his partner - in - crime is the new british " exchange teacher " ( olivia d ', abo )  a lively lass who has obviously seen dangerous minds and knows that the best way to gain the respect of a disinterested  outer - city audience is to teach them something neat . like soccer . most of the good - natured gags are of the fast - motion variety  such as runaway cows and out - of - control lawnmowers . kids will laugh at the occasional belching bit  while their parents peacefully doze beside them . other than letting a supporting character named newt go unscathed  what ', s missing from the big green is a better integration of music and comedy . instead of a peppy pop score  which would arguably work to better effect  most of the action is set to a bombastic orchestral score that belongs somewhere else . comedy needs music . just watch any old bugs bunny short . the marx brothers knew it . mel brooks knows it . unfortunately  the current trend is to " overscore . " lush strings and booming brass in every scene  at every moment . remember the simple strains of bizet ', s " habanera " in the original bad news bears ? these days  it ', s usually a bellowing fanfare that threatens to smother every scene in its path . much like adding frosting to already frosted cake . an awfully big adventure ======================== the reteaming of director mike newell and star hugh grant is about as far removed as you can get from the lightsome comedy of four weddings and a funeral . their second collaboration is a downbeat theatrical drama about a young intern ( georgina cates ) struggling to survive in post - w . w . ii liverpool . hugh plays the gay director  an * extremely * unappealing character who may alienate whatever fans are left after the nonsense of nine months . bleak make - up and thick accents conspire to make this a difficult story to settle into . an awful adventure is not without * some * rewards  tho . the peter pan subtext is intriguing . as is the diverse ensemble cast that includes peter firth  alan rickman  and prunella scales . basil ! devil in a blue dress ===================== the comparisons to chinatown are easy enough  except for the fact that this film isn ', t nearly as gripping . writer / director carl franklin ( one false move ) is the force behind this accomplished - but - stiff adaptation of walter mosley ', s crime novel . denzel washington is as sturdy as ever  but he ', s burdened with a miscast supporting cast . tom sizemore and scene - stealer don cheadle are both fine . the problems start with jennifer beales  who never registers as the plot ', s femme fatale . she ', s a pretty face and nothing more . also underweight are maury chaykin and terry kinney . they play opposing mayoral candidates in 1948 los angeles and neither actor commands enough authority to stifle giggles . john huston  we miss you ! fine period detail and a strong sense of humor are a plus . they help to overcome a pace that ', s too polite for mosley ', s jazzy  swingin ', story . steal big  steal little ======================= i can ', t say much about this one . director andrew davis follows the fugitive with a wildly unfunny farce about twin brothers ( andy garcia ) with opposing moral codes . they ', re fighting over their adoptive mother ', s estate  a 40  000 - acre ranch worth millions and supporting dozens of migrant farm workers . so many different plots are trying to come together -- feuding brothers  reconciling husbands  loan - shark hired hitmen -- that you have to admire the director ', s ambition . too bad that almost every single person or plot - line is out of sync . that is  with the exception of alan arkin . he ', s the best thing in a movie that -- despite the work of four credited writers -- * still * manages to waste such diverse talents as david odgen stiers  kevin mccarthy  and joe pantolinao . and what the heck does that title mean ?
neg funny how your expectations can be defeated  and not in good ways . the ghost and the darkness promised ( at least  it seemed to me to promise ) a hemingwayesque showdown between men and nature . what it delivered was mystery science theater 3000 - level material -- an inadvertently hilarious story that made me scream advice at the characters . " get new jobs ! " was one line  if i remember correctly . at the end of the 19th century  col . patterson ( val kilmer  whose irish accent comes and goes like an african zephyr ) is an engineer who has been hired to build a british railway bridge across the tsavo river in uganda . he is having immensely stereotypical problems : the natives are restless  his boss is a jerk  and now two man - eating lions are stalking the work camp and killing people off . patterson tries to handle the situation himself  incompetently  and then turns to charles remington ( michael douglas )  a hunter of world reknown ( or something like that ) . the movie stacks the deck so heavily in favor of the lions  they should have gotten top billing and co - starred with siegfried and roy . they are nigh - invulnerable  as one comic book put it  and this is of course just the excuse the movie needs to have one native after another stepping forth to solmenly recite lines about the power of nature . give me a break . the movie hasn ', t got the wherewithal to even begin to exploit such ideas ; it ', s just trying to find convenient ways to stall us . even the lion hunts themselves are idiotic . get this : remington ', s big plan is to build a large scaffold - like structure in the middle of the savannah  sit on it  and wait for the lion to show up . he does this  and then gets knocked off by a bird . by the end of the movie  the blood vessels in my palm were all broken open from me pounding my forehead with my hand . the acting is forgettable . douglas does a good job of portraying a relatively cracked fellow  but it ', s nothing he hasn ', t done before . kilmer looks like he wishes he were someone else  somewhere else  and the rest vanish into the cinematography . the camera  by the way  sometimes behaves so stupidly all by itself that most of the lion attacks are incoherent . what did i expect from this movie ? i dunno . some real excitement  i suppose . a sense that there were formidable forces on both sides of this equation . no such luck . i dug out my tattered copy of hemingway ', s " the short happy life of francis macomber " and read that to get the taste of this movie out of my mind .
neg unfortunately it doesn ', t get much more formulaic than one tough cop . there ', s the renegade cop with the loser partner who has to many problems to explain . the renegade has to prove his good name and is trapped between the good guys  the bad guys and some woman who really has nothing to do with the story other than being there for the purpose of providing sex for the hero in the middle of the film . bo dietl ( pronounced deedle  baldwin ) is one tough cop  a guy who is being investigated by hardass fbi agents due to his association with the ny mafia . on top of that problem  he has a drunk  gambling addicted partner ( penn ) who has a penchant for collecting parking tickets ( i guess cops aren ', t immune ? ) . then  throw into the mix the femme fatale ( gershon ) . right there you have plenty of ammo for a decent cop drama . but right in the middle of the film  they throw in a completely un - related plot point . dietl and his partner duke try to solve a case that they have been warned to stay away from . the film spends over half an hour tracking the case of a nun who was beaten and raped to near death . once the case is solved  the film shifts focus back to the mafia issue . whatever neat mesh the screenwriter wanted to create between the two stories failed miserably . aside from being asked to accept michael mcglone as a mafioso ( an insult if you ask me ) the performances were pretty good . baldwin  though he occasionally slips into an impression of his brother alec  does a fine job as one tough cop . penn  who also slips into an impression of his brother sean  is even better as a loser tough guy cop . what one tough cop lacks is originality . this film offers nothing new . nothing that you can ', t get from any cop film . it screams sidney lumet all over the place  perhaps because it was produced by marty and michael bregman  producers of lumet ', s dog day afternoon and serpico . but even the masterful sidney would not have been able to make one tough cop into a good film . too much else is lacking . i also saw the boom mic pop into the top of the frame twice early on in the picture  something that i almost never notice . but once i saw that  i had it in the back of my mind every time i saw a medium or long shot . at times  i was hoping to see it . one tough cop isn ', t laughable  nor is it a terrible film  but it just isn ', t unique . it is a classic example of a film that didn ', t need to be made . but one thing is for sure  it could really use a better title .
neg supposedly based on a true story in which the british drive to build a rail bridge deep in africa grinds to a halt after a pair of lions start killing off the workers in 1898 . john patterson ( val kilmer )  the bridge building expert set to oversee the operation  tried to rid his operation of the lions  but fails . a world renound hunter  remington ( michael douglas )  is called in and the battle  man against lion  begins . this film has a great soundtrack  and wonderful scenery . the acting is not too bad except the characters are all so thin . we only see one side of each character . kilmer is a bridge builder and that ', s all we see him as . these lions kill dozens of his men and he doesn ', t even appear to be too upset about it . and the plot ? it ', s jaws  but with lions . again we ', re presented with an animal that behaves not at all as it should . it appears to kill men because it just likes too . why ? who knows . i guess there wouldn ', t be much of a story if it didn ', t . the problem is that there isn ', t much of a story even though it does .
neg of course i knew this going in . why is it that whenever a tv - star makes a movie it ', s always a romantic comedy  and then they say on entertainment tonight or something  that they were " attracted to the characters . they were really original . " original ? ! let me give you a run - through of picture perfect : character a ) kate ( jennifer aniston  from tv ', s friends )  a smart  beautiful  professional woman wants two things she can ', t have : a new job - title and the love of her co - worker kevin bacon . her boss will only give her the job if she gets married and gets a mortgage and gets a lease on a german sportscar  and kevin bacon pnly sleeps with married or involved girls . what does she do ? she invents a fiance ! then when everyone wants to meet him  she tells some poor schmoe she met at a wedding that she will pay him $ 1000 to pretend to be in love with her for a company dinner  and pick a fight with her at the end  thus breaking the engagement but still being able to keep her job  since the guy ends up looking like a jerk and she is the poor  defenceless female . he  of course  goes along with it . gee  i wonder if they get together in the end . i ', ve seen more original stuff on the wb . and better stuff too . picture perfect also makes the mistake of being _wayyyyy_ too long at 100 minutes  and expecting us to like aniston ', s character  who comes off as a cold  spoiled bitch .
neg louie is a trumpeter swan with no voice . in order to woo his lady love serina  louie makes friends with a young boy  sammy  who persuades teacher mrs . hammerbottom ( carol burnett ) to allow louie to attend class . louie learns to read and write and returns to his flock  but is laughed at once again when no other swans can understand his message of love for serina . to make matters worse  louie ', s father feels he ', s lost his honor because of the trumpet he stole for his son in this animated version of e . b . white ', s " trumpet of the swan . " as jane austen and henry james have become popular sources for adult filmmakers over the past decade or so  e . b . white is being returned to for children ', s films . the animated " charlotte ', s web " has become a minor classic since its release in 1973 and 1999 brought us a live action version of " stuart little . " " trumpet of the swan  " directed by richard rich ( 1999 ', s animated " the king and i  " the " swan princess " series )  is unlikely to be remembered along with those two . " trumpet of the swan " is receiving a regional theatrical release  but is sure to quickly appear on home video . boston is one of the targetted cities because our hero louie becomes famous playing his trumpet in beantown . he encounters a gypsy - like con man in the public gardens who pitches louie and his trumpet as an added attraction to boston ', s swan boats . louie stays at the ritz carlton before giving a concert at the hatch shell along the banks of the charles river . at this point  louie ', s earned enough money so that dad can pay for the trumpet and become musically capable enough to win over serina ', s father . " trumpet of the swan " features flat background art  some poor sound syncing and insipid  sugary songs . this effort would be better suited to saturday morning television than the big screen  but may be ok for the real small set .
neg one of the most respected names in american independent filmmaking is john sayles . he has built a strong reputation with films like matewan and the secret of roan inish  and one of his best was his last film  lone star . after sayles gave us this complex and unconventional look at ethnic tensions on the us - mexico border  expectation ran high for his next film . unfortunately  his men with guns is not the film anyone was hoping for . we are essentially told in the first reel where the film is going to go and what it is going to do . then the film does exactly what it promised  a painful as that is . the plot of men with guns can be summarized " in a central or south american country things are really bad for everybody in the mountains where the army clashes with the guerrillas . dr . fuentes did not believe how bad things were so he went . and he found out again and again and again . " of course it is perfectly true that in many places in that region armed conflicts have turned life into a living hell . a guerrilla war is always bad for civilians . but the film talks down to the viewer . dr . fuentes ( played by federico luppi ) teaches medicine in the capital city of his country . he has  as a great humanitarian gesture  trained and inspired some of his best students to go into the mountains and make the world a little better for the poor indios . fuentes believe the students to be up there doing humanitarian service . then he discovers one of his best students has instead returned to the city and runs a squalid private pharmacy . in shame and disappointment fuentes asks the student what has happened to the others . the student tells him the others are still in the mountains  but suggests that it may not be a good place to be . fuentes goes off to find and visit the doctors  ignoring the advice of his family and a patient who happens to be an army general . the results are little different than one would expect . dr . fuentes starts out incredibly naive . even some american tourists  present in the film mostly for comic relief  seem to know better than dr . fuentes that things have gotten pretty bad in the mountains . but fuentes has to go from one scene of barbarity to another and discover how wrong he was . sayles certainly could have used 126 minute of screen time to tell us something more profound than that nasty things are happening down there and most of the worst happens to the unarmed civilians . the cast is mostly unknowns to american audiences . federico luppi is the good mexican actor who played the antique dealer torn by mysterious forces in cronos . damian delgado makes a late appearance as an army deserter . mandy patinkin has a small role made to look bigger in the trailer .
neg [', traffic violation ', dr . daniel ', s review of u - turn dr . d ', s rating : critical condition ( okay  here ', s the deal . i ', ll be the first one to grant that everybody needs a day off now and then . i ', ll even go so far as to say that a vacation is a necessary part of doing any job well . i mean  hey  i ', ve been known to stretch a weekend into a three - day outing  if friday looks to be a slow day . and if monday ain ', t looking like a pick - me - up  well  i ', ve been known to give martha nell a call and say  " do me a favor  sweetheart . bump old man ferguson ', s boil lancing to tuesday morning  and tell miss audrey that i ', ll swing by her house monday evening and see if we can ', t get her trick knee back in line . " a simple sentence like that  and i ', ve got a nice four - day fishing trip with the boys  or more often than not  a trip up to cherokee  n . c .  for jackpot bingo and assorted other mountain funnery . but the point is  if you take a day off  do something different . if you ', ve worked yourself silly for months  relax a bit . sleep in . eat pancakes at noon . microwave an egg in its shell . watch pro wrestling with the sound off . listen to some barry white records at high speed . whatever . but do not  under any circumstances  spend your vacation doing the same thing you do for a living . and  if you do  don ', t make the final product look ten times worse than it would any other time . because i do not want to hear your sob stories  oliver stone . you apparently thought you needed a break from making " important films . " cool . so you found this hinky little book and decided to make it a movie . that ', s cool  too . but  ollie  old sage  do not take a good story and a hot cast and make one of the most pointless and worthless films of the decade . i ', m just eager to meet you one day  so i can buy you a stoli  look you in the eye and say  " what in the wide world of sports were you thinking with u - turn ? " and i ', ll stand there staring ', til i get a straight answer . sean penn stars u - turn  as bobby  a drifter who ', s had some troubles a while back . he ', s heading cross the desert minus two fingers when his mustang ragtop blows a radiator hose  stranding him in superior  arizona  held there by an " ignorant  inbred  turtleneck hick " of a mechanic named darrell . while darrell puts a new hose on the ride  bobby walks into town to see what ', s cooking . is it needless of me to say that superior  arizona  is not exactly the shiny scrubbed home of all things lovely ? probably not . bobby meets up with grace ( jennifer lopez )  who invites him back to her place  for drape - hanging and other domestic issues . just as those issues are starting up  grace ', s husband  jake  storms in  looking like check - out day of the elks lodge convention . just beats bobby silly . bobby takes to the road  only to meet up with jake again  and jake asks bobby to kill grace . a little while later  grace asks bobby to kill jake . them murderous arizonians . gotta love ', em . if any of this sounds familiar  congratulations . you win a kewpie doll . the story is a straight shoplift of red rock west  a cult favorite a few years back from john dahl  maker of the phenomenal the last seduction . but the contest doesn ', t end there  guys and gals . we get steals from russ meyer movies  where everybody in town is horny and sweaty . we get the town from bad day at black rock  minus the train  plus busty women who can speak . look at any schwarzenegger film  and you ', ll see our hero  bobby  as bobby has a mudhole stomped in his keister a dozen times  has his ribs stove in at least fifteen times  gets bit by a tarantula  gets shot at  and ends up with vultures circling overhead  all the while getting up like he just got a shaving nick . bobby as terminator ? stretch it a bit  and we have a five - finger discount from doc hollywood  where the whole story occurs because of car trouble  forcing the main character to stay at the mercy of the town and the mechanic . okay  he ', s working from a book  so maybe ollie ', s not totally to blame for blatantly copping these ideas . i just expect a man who can make up an alternative history of the united states to be able to craft a few original ideas before exposing the negative . i just wish he hadn ', t brought a cast like this together for what amounts to a group toe - stub . sean penn gives a great performance  and jennifer lopez and nick nolte are as on target as they can be  playing over - the - top caricatures of stereotype characters . the best thing about the movie is watching penn react to the madness around him and try to figure out exactly what the blankety - blank is going on . too bad it ', s not fun to watch when it ', s happening to us . . . while we sit through this mess of a film . u - turn is not a bad film if you ', re a fan of technique . it ', s the oliver stone you ', ve always known . robert richardson is his usual cinematographer  and rob and ollie know how to shoot a flick -- great camera angles  shifting viewpoints  wicked colors  nice looking pictures . but pictures of what ? i think i ', d rather stare at a xeroxed envelope for two hours than try to figure out the tilt - o - whirl point of this loser film . plot twists are one thing  repetition is almost unforgivable  and this is dang near as unforgivable as any movie i ', ve seen in the past five years . oliver  i know your body of work is nothing to sniff at . you ', ve been nice enough to limit us to only one doors movie  and films like platoon  jfk  wall street and nixon give us plenty to dig on . your scripts are certainly respectable  your budgets are up there on the screen  and your actors don ', t dog it . and i know that  maybe  with u - turn  you were just kicking back  just having fun . that ', s fine . but don ', t do that with a movie with the potential of this one . do some police academy sequel ( imagine that . ) do a big comedy  like a remake of it ', s a mad  mad  mad  mad world . but do not drop a limp u - turn out of your pocket and expect us to accept it as " an oliver stone movie  " and not question why it stinks like week - old snook . there ', s a right way to have fun  and a wrong way to have fun . this was as wrong as you can get without going to jail .
neg there are two things the american film industry should avoid at all costs . one is letting an ambitious actor convert one of his or her favorite novels into a feature film . two is never greenlight a sci - fi film starring john travolta . to wit  we present the disaster that is battlefield earth . a science - fiction opus starring the barbarino of the actors guild  battlefield earth should be shown only at maximum - security prisons when a prisoner is tossed in solitary for bad behavior . sci - fi is always a tricky beast : tight script  a good director  an ensemble cast of decent actors  and the ability to suspend even the most difficult of disbeliefs . battlefield earth fails at achieving even one of these attributes . here ', s the ` plot . ', the year is 3000 . mankind has been become an endangered species thanks to the conquest of a race of aliens called the psychlos ( sounds like either the latest clown act from cirque de soleil or a white rap group ) . a small band of humans dwell in radioactive caves located in the rockies in fear of the ` demons ', who dwell in the cities below . the psychlos are strip - mining the earth for its resources and terel  played by travolta  is the head of security for the mining / slave base located in denver . a young rogue named jonnie goodboy tyler  played with dramatic flair by barry pepper  ventures from the safety of the caves into the city to uncover the truth about the ` demons . ', he is promptly captured and taken to the alien base . after several attempts at escape  johnnie is placed in the middle of an underhanded subplot of terel ', s  involving circumventing gold from an exposed vein in the rockies to his own end . jonnie  assumed leader of the mining slave group  then manages to attain all psychlo and human intelligence through a learning machine terel forces him to use . then the story just runs along until jonnie teaches the rest of the humans the basics of trigonometry  the bill of rights  how to use a machine gun  and how to fly a harrier jet . the whole mess concludes with a big  loud  obnoxious gun - and - plane battle that had me praying for the end credits . roger christian  the director of this lumbering beast  must have rented dune  blade runner  planet of the apes  independence day  stargate  beastmaster  the airwolf episodes  the ` v ', miniseries  the matrix  and the omega man . . . and decided to steal every scene he could for battlefield earth . christian even shoots every scene in a weird dutch angle titled left or right for every frame of the movie ! and every scene in the movie ends with a middle wipe -- really . the psychlos reminded me of a cross between jamaican basketball players with bad teeth and bloated hands and klingon extras working the star trek convention circuit . travolta ', s acting hasn ', t been this bad since the experts or maybe perfect . jonnie goodboy tyler evolves into william wallace with lines like ` you can have your freedom if you fight ! ', then there ', s the script : the film just never convinces you that the plight of jonnie in teaching his fellow humans to fight and ` take back the planet ', would be a difficult task to achieve . why ? because terel provides all the necessary tools to incite a revolt -- for no particular reason beside the fact that ` humans are stupid . ', terel may be right  you know . humans made this movie .
neg would you believe -- in real life  i mean -- that if you were julia roberts  that you ', d be the ugly underdog to your sister  the creepy catherine zeta - jones ? let me tell you what reality is . reality is that you are megastar julia fricking roberts and your brother is eric roberts  and he picks up whatever crumbs of stardom fall off your coattails as you blaze across the sky in a golden chariot . that ', s reality . america ', s sweethearts is the opposite of reality  a train wreck that tries to sell julia as a scruffy also - ran  presumably because she wears horn - rimmed glasses and used to be overweight ( uh - huh ) . the plot follows two married  mega - movie stars  gwen and eddie ( zeta - jones and poor  poor john cusack  whose material gets worse every year )  on the eve of their new star vehicle ', s release  a film called time over time . the only problem : gwen and eddie have gone through a nasty separation  and the press and public have not been forgiving ( think meg and dennis ) . gosh  and the director has vanished with the film  holding the only print hostage . veteran pr agent lee ( billy crystal ) is called upon to clean up the mess  throwing a press junket in the nevada desert to woo them with the story of a possible reconciliation between the gwen and eddie  presumably distracting the stupid  stupid film critics into forgetting they haven ', t seen the movie at all . ( note to sony : any studio executive that thinks this plot is going to win points with the reviewing press needs to check into rehab . ) and did i mention gwen ', s sister kiki ( roberts ) is along for the ride ? and that she and eddie just might fall in love along the way ? oh billy  you ', re a scamp ! the script you ', ve co - written with peter tolan ( what planet are you from ? and bedazzled -- need i say more ? ) is a roast of hollywood and celebrity  sure  but it ', s not a funny one . yes  crystal tells us  hollywood is lying to our faces ! if you are surprised by this  you might want to check on your subscription to people magazine . it ', s about to expire . aside from a scant few zingers ( yeah  se ? or winces rules ! )  america ', s sweethearts ', jokes aren ', t funny  its pace is choppy  and the whole affair comes off as a vanity project -- not for headlining star julia roberts -- but for billy crystal to deliver a bunch of lame punch lines that he wrote himself . i didn ', t time it ( the movie ', s not that bad )  but it ', s crystal who really has the most screen time and is the unequivocal focus of the film . bad move  billy -- your jokes suck . the crotch humor is outpaced only by the meanness of the movie ', s gags -- and with unsubtle sexual innuendo dripping from every scene  how this movie earned a pg - 13 rating is a mystery to me . julia overcame a lot of spiteful writing and acting to make my best friend ', s wedding into a winning film  but not even that 90 - tooth smile can save her here . obviously aware of the ugliness before him  director joe roth turns to goofy supporting characters like hank azaria ( as a lisping spaniard )  christopher walken ( the insane time over time director )  and alan arkin ( a new age guru in a fright wig ) to crack wise . none of the stereotypes is successful except for walken ; azaria comes off as a preening queen when he ', s supposed to be macho . as for roth  in case you don ', t know  went from direcing revenge of the nerds ii to launching his own movie studio  revolution  which produced this work . he ', s back behind the camera for the first time in 11 years . it ', ll probably be another 11 before he ', s back again . i could drone on about how america ', s sweethearts will only appeal to the mouth - breathing morons who talk on their cell phones during the movies  but that would get old . instead  i ', ll settle for discussing the movie ', s worst sin : that sweethearts is painfully contrived and wholly unbelievable  not just in its plot but in its sentiment . every single character in this film ( with the arguable exception of kiki ) is simply hateful  and putting them in a romantic comedy is a waste of a bunch of villains . when you leave the theater  you ', ll ask yourself  too : why would i want any of these jerks to be happy ?
neg rated : r for strong violence  language  drug use  nudity  and some sexuality . starring : wesley snipes  anne archer  michael chaykin  donald sutherland  marie matiko . running time : 117 minutes directed by : christian duguay i ', ve never fully understood wesley snipes ', s career . he has his ups and downs  but mostly the downs . his best movie was one of the best of 1998 and that movie was entitled " blade " . he has had his typical action movies  " boiling point "  " passenger 57 "  but his new movie " the art of war " should just be called " rising sun 2 : the art of war " cause basically it ', s a semi - remake of the same plot  with a different cast  and forced to be a ridiculously unbelievable thriller  that is high on style and low on substance . wesley snipes plays a james bondish type secret agent working for the u . n . after a chinese ambassador is killed  he is on the track of the killer  trying to find out who it is  how it happened  where the killer was  and what to do . anne archer plays his " boss " type person of the u . n . and she has hired snipes to track down the killer . well snipes is mistakenly framed as the killer  and is now an outlaw  kidnapping a chinese woman with him  and having her help him along the way . all this leads to a finale that is so dumb  and so stupid that is it unbelievably dumb  and the stunts  dialogue and acting all ruin this movie . wesley snipes isn ', t one of my favorite actors because of the fact that the character he plays in every movie is the same character he plays in the movie before . the only good role snipes has really had was in 1998 ', s " blade " . i walked into " the art of war " expecting a good  high octane thriller  and all i got was a pile of mush . the only real ', good ', thing the movie has is action  and plenty of it  but i noticed it is badly filmed  the camera is so shaky you cannot even tell what is going on . the ending finale is so worthless and pitiful  that it even tries to mock " the matrix "  laughably funny  it is undeniably stupid . christian duguay ', s direction is also not that great . his camera angles and sense of style are all in place  but sadly his lighting and editing are all badly done . even the whole " matrix " ending wasn ', t even good . the stunts and action are badly filmed  and badly choreographed . his placing of the characters  and the assination of the chinese ambassador  and the plotting of the movie are so predictable and laughable  that it just takes all the fun out of the entire movie . anne archer who is usually good in her roles  turns in a horrible job here . she is sour  downbeat  and dreadfully dull with her forced dialogue  and dumb moves . even donald sutherland as a co - star can ', t save this movie from being a bust . so for an overall opinion : " the art of war " is a total waste of time . it ', s not entertaining  nor exciting  or even action packed . it is a pointless movie  and makes absolutely no sense at all . if you really want to see a good version of " the art of war "  rent the wesley snipes and sean connery action vehicle of the same kind " rising sun "  it isn ', t a great film either  but at least it ', s better than this .
neg movie reviewers have an obligation to see the good  the bad  and the despicable . i originally wrote this review for my college newspaper back in ', 95  but i wanted to re - write it because not all retro reviews should be about the classics . we need to be warned about some truly awful films  too . this picture was so bad  it inspired the description for my 1 / 10 rating ( see ratings chart below ) . the only thing saving it from a 0 / 10 rating is that being able to rent a movie like this is slightly less embarassing than renting a porno . so  it does indeed have some plusses . . . in fairness  elizabeth berkley is certainly worth seeing in the buff . and her ability to whine and irritate us  even while nude  was appropriate in her role as selfish temptress nomi malone . this character is not smart  not interesting  and ( deliberately ? ) far too annoying far too often . like in 1998s " bulworth "  when the movie was over i didn ', t care one little iota about the main character . at least warren beatty tried to make a statement with his dreary and overrated film  though . " showgirls " is too stupid to make a statement . some people claim that the story is based on the legendary " all about eve " of all things ! if exploitation expert joe eszterhas was half the screenwriter that joseph l . mankiewicz was  he ', d be . . . well  he ', d be a good screenwriter . instead  this project may have sunk his career . he wrote the ( ha ha ! ) script and the usually reliable paul verhoeven directed . the same team who created a good sex - film in 1992 ( " basic instinct " ) struck out here with their occasional violence  gratuitous x - rated sex scenes  and numerous ( and quite unnecessary ) lesbian overtones . the predictable storyline revolves around nomi streaking into las vegas to make it big as a dancer . after the supposed street - smart young " lady " gets conned out of her suitcase by a slack - jawed yokel in the opening sequence  she befriends a tailor of the glamorous stage production at the " stardust hotel " . nomi doesn ', t take advantage of this contact to break into the big - time of dirty dancing right away . first  she becomes a lap dancer at a scummy strip club . she sells her hot little wares at " the cheetah " for a short time  turning on the fictitious customers and the actual theatre audience . hey  i never said she wasn ', t a hot number . . . maybe it ', s that  her body  which gets her into the big - time when the star of the " stardust hotel "  crystal connors ( gina gershon ) stops into the strip club ( it certainly isn ', t her brains or pleasant disposition ! ) . crystal requests a private lap dance for her boyfriend ( kyle maclachlan ) . he also happens to be the pleasure - seeking worm who runs the big show . crystal gets nomi onto the " stardust " team and  after an interminable amount of time  nomi " earns " the role of crystal ', s understudy . the slut then deliberately injures and hospitalizes crystal . it was almost laughable that nomi had the guts to claim that she ', s " not a whore " . that ', s a phrase we hear a few different times and it ', s completely ludicrous . of course she is ! she sells her soul to make it big  but in the end we ', re supposed to believe that she ', s a better person than that . we ', re supposed to root for her . no way ! she ', s a tramp and a back - stabber who deserved nothing -- least of all vindication in the . . . ahem . . . climax . she is not a good person and they take over two hours to explain that the audience should think that she is . the sub - plot with a male dancer ( glenn plummer ) who claims to see talent in nomi is just a gratuitous opportunity to let her dance naked a little bit more . it sure ain ', t character development ! plummer also appeared in " speed " in ', 94 in a smaller  yet better role . this sub - plot goes absolutely nowhere except maybe to deliver an unsubtle hint that fornicators should practice birth control . kyle maclachlan must have been promised a big pay - day or his standards have dipped since appearing in " blue velvet " . that picture was weird  but some critics claim it ', s one of the best movies of the ', 80s . now ol ', kyle can say that he acted in one of the worst of the ', 90s  too . his sleazy character is important to " showgirls "  but we don ', t learn anything about him . he uses people to get what he wants  but that only means that he fits in well with the other characters in this movie . is he a villain ? who cares ! ultimately  this movie is as tiresome as it is explicit . everyone must know by now about the soft - core acts of copulation  especially the riotous romp between berkley and maclachlan in his pool . what few reviewers take issue with is how mean - spirited this movie is . everyone ', s either having sex  exacting revenge  or wishing they were having sex or exacting revenge . it ', s just too hard to take ( especially for over two hours ) . if we must be exposed to the evils of the vegas world  why couldn ', t verhoeven have also made a point of highlighting the whispers  grunts  and other sounds during the dance numbers ? it ', s hard to care about these people if we can ', t even appreciate what they ', re capable of doing on - stage . berkley may have a future in hollywood because she can dance and she has a great body . after all  the world of porn is still an active  dishonourable profession . perhaps berkley could join their ranks and leave the real acting to pauly shore and cindy crawford . oops  they ', re bad actors  too . well  at least  they ', re not selfish and contemptable like good ol ', slutty nomi malone . useless trivia -- ironically  elizabeth berkley played virtuous and " holier than thou " jessie on the teeny - bopper tv show  " saved by the bell "  before breaking onto the big screen .
neg mr . nice guy is the latest jackie chan film  so you should know what to expect . a weak plot  terrible dialogue  very little acting ability  but some jaw - dropping action sequences that nearly make the rest of it worthwhile . however  mr . nice guy lacks the sparkle of jackie ', s best efforts  and its weaknesses are more glaring than ever . jackie chan plays  who else  jackie . this time out  he ', s a famous chef who hosts an australian cooking show . not that it ever makes a difference in the plot . there are only two scenes of him cooking . for the rest of the film  somehow he mutates into jackie chan  supercop . it never does explain why his character has such superb martial arts skills . . . perhaps he was in the same cooking class as steven seagal in under siege ? a tv newswoman  diana ( gabrielle fitzpatrick )  covertly tapes a drug deal involving kingpin giancarlo ( richard norton ) and a local gang of toughs  the demons . although she only has one camcorder  somehow the result is full of close - ups and multiple angles . . . hmmm  shades of broadcast news ? ? ? anyway  the goons discover diana  and will do anything to recover the tape . here lies another crucial flaw in the story : doesn ', t anyone realize you can copy a tape ? oh well  no one ever said jackie chan movies had to make sense . as luck would have it  diana runs across jackie  and  wouldn ', t you know it  jackie accidentally ends up with the tape . this leads to countless chase and / or fight scenes which look like they could have been lifted from rumble in the bronx or nearly any other jackie chan movie . in a move apparently designed to woo american ( and other english - speaking ) audiences  the film uses english as its primary language . however  that doesn ', t mean an end to the atrocious dubbing that has afflicted jackie ', s recent americanized releases . strangely  many of the characters speaking english are overdubbed with english  and poorly too . whether this is just a very bad case of looping  an effort to minimize accents  or a simple case of nostalgia  it does achieve the same level of distraction present in all of jackie ', s dubbed films . the plot in mr . nice guy is negligible  merely an excuse to have jackie on the run from various goons . but even though plots have always been second to the action in jackie ', s films  it seems odd that the filmmakers have stuck us with this tired retread . look  if you have jackie chan playing a chef  why not use that to your advantage ? watching jackie doing his stuff in a kitchen  beating the bad guys with foodstuffs sounds like the perfect setup for innumerable comic stunts . the action is a mixed bag here . there ', s really only one no holds barred fight scenes that have become the trademark of jackie ', s films . it takes place in the arbitrary location of a construction site  apparently for the sole reason that there are lots of nifty things lying around that can be useful ala jackie chan . the action in the film is neither jackie ', s best nor worst  but you long for some more inspiration in the scenes . the film ', s gratuitous use of slow motion is distracting . once or twice  it may be useful to highlight a spectacular stunt sequence . but to slo - mo jackie running ? either this is a nod to the six - million dollar man  or a pathetic attempt to disguise the fact that jackie may be slowing down . if you ', ve seen all of jackie ', s films and are in need of another fix  go ahead and see mr . nice guy . however  if you ', re just in the mood for some good action  you ', d be better off hitting the video store for some of his better work  such as supercop .
neg " first rule of fight club is  don ', t talk about fight club . " this quote deals directly with my opinion of this film  because quite frankly  it ', s not even worth mentioning . director david fincher ( seven ) has completely gone over the edge . with crude humor  an intolerable script and 2 hours and 19 minutes of pure torture  i ', m surprised i didn ', t walk out . this just goes to show that hype kills . it ', s very rare that a film so hyped up as " fight club " turns out to be noteworthy  and this is no exception . the story goes like this . edward norton is an insomniac trying to enlighten his dull life by going to a variety of disease therapy sessions  until he meets marla ( helena bonham carter ) . norton claims that she is wrecking his pleasurable lifestyle  when he spots her at a session that he also attended . apparently the disease sessions help them see what life is like  literally living in pain . why any person would think of such a thing is beyond me  but things do get worse . norton is soon assigned to a job that calls for traveling  and it ', s on a plane that he meets tyler durden ( brad pitt ) . the two men develop a bond  and go out to a bar  and by golly after they get drunk  the two pitiful characters fight . how do they come up with this stuff ? anyway  their fighting catches other pathetic loser ', s attention  and a club is formed . out of all this mess  there manages to lie a message . fincher shows us that society is like robots . we work in our jobs doing things step by step  and want out . our insanity gets to our brain and makes things worse than they really are  and we blame it on others . call me crazy  but this is common knowledge . i think fincher was acting as if the film is moodier and more poignant than it really is  which is probably one of the reasons it fails miserably . even with two good actors  and a solid actress  they only manage to weaken the story . i couldn ', t help but hide my face in shame when norton beats himself up into a bloody pulp . it just shows how desperate the script is for attention . i guess brad pitt was right for this role  because i felt like beating him up myself . his bothersome and depressing character  made me disgusted at his 20 million fee . it only showed me that he was in it for the money and nothing more . helena bonham carter however really had no purpose . she just popped up on screen  mumbled some lines  smoked and left . this continues for what seems like 6 hours . the film drags on and my headache gets bigger  while " fight club " nears what i think might be the end . unfortunately by then  the film hits rock bottom . though the conclusion kept my interest for a mere 5 minutes  it backs down again and continues to move at a snails pace . on a side note  the trailer shows the only redeeming elements of the film  that coincidentally lasts the same amount of time that they did on the trailer . fincher will hopefully regret making this film or at least learn a lesson . concentrating on the atmosphere or a particular key moment  won ', t do any good if everything else is in need of support . also  i ', m afraid that immature men might respond to the film ', s violence . the last thing the world needs is people praising a leader of a pointless cult . when the film ends  i ', m just glad to get home and take some advil . you ', ll either enjoy what the film has to offer  or agree with ed norton when he says " this is so f * * * ing stupid . "
neg note to screenwriters and self : when you hit the big time  and the studios come knocking for those scripts that are sitting in your bottom drawer  tell ? em all to hit the road . gilligan wrote the arbitrarily - titled home fries ten years ago ; it was shelved until he found success as one of " the took a second look at gilligan ', s " comedy " - they read it again wearing rose - tinted glasses . drew stars as sally  a dim ( but sweet )  pregnant waitress at a small town burger joint located somewhere in the southern united states . the father of her child is dead  the victim of a severe heart attack brought on by sadistic torture from his two stepsons - these flyboys scared him with their low - flying helicopter . dorian ( wilson ) and angus ( busey ) were getting even for his philandering ways on behalf of their anguished mother ( o ', hara ) . trouble is  sally picked up some interference on her drive - thru headset  and angus worries she may have heard conversations that took place in the helicopter prior to the accidental killing . so dorian goes undercover as a burger - flipper ; before you can say " with cheese " he falls for the mother - to - be . too bad mom and angus have homicidal plans for sally . does this sound like a movie you want to see ? without a doubt  the best thing about home fries is barrymore ; at the risk of sounding sexist  she ', s never looked better than here  as a curly redhead with twinkling eyes . she is winning in a role that requires her to do absolutely nothing except look apple - cheek cute and gawk at wilson  her real - life boyfriend . but the plot and the situations are so off - putting that nothing could save it . this movie desperately wants to get mentioned in the same breath as the coen brothers  but home fries ', brand of laboured hipness would be foreign to geniuses like ethan and joel . it ', s raising arizona without babies  without charm  without laughs  without human characters  and without intelligence ; worst of all  it ', s creepy . what ', s funny about threatening to gun down a pregnant woman with a machine gun ? ( unless the woman in question is a spice girl . ) take out the helicopters  the quasi - incestuous relationship between the mother and her sons ( it is absolutely illogical  within the movie ', s framework  that dorian still lives with his mother and brother )  and the scenes of murder ( attempted and otherwise )  and what are you left with ? the story of a single woman with child who works at a fast food joint ( but dreams of becoming a country singer ) . that could turn out to be the most boring movie ever made  but it ', d be better than home fries .
neg the recent onslaught of film noir that has popped up in multiplexes  with everything ranging from " l . a . confidential " to " palmetto " to " the big lebowski  " has proved to be an artistic commodity for veteran  talented directors . with this particular genre  directors are able to collate the sleazy underworld of the lower - class and the glamorous  opulent upper - class  while maintaining the noirish  ambiguous ambience  the staple of film noir . " wild things " could be classified as a black comedy  a sultry film noir or a plain ol ', erotic thriller  but the one category it doesn ', t qualify for is that of a quality motion picture . overacted  overwrought and overlong  " wild things " is a confused mess  a movie that wants to have its cake and eat it too . with its incalculable twists  turns  more twists and more turns  it soon becomes a tedious exercise in pointlessness . in spite of game efforts by kevin bacon and matt dillon  who manage to sustain straight faces throughout the ordeal  " wild things " not once jells in its eroticism  unpredictability  character motivation  sense of the world  plot  etc . there ', s not one redeeming quality in the picture that is not technical . directed by john mcnaughton ( " henry : portrait of a serial killer " )  " wild things " follows sam lombardo ( matt dillon )  a hunkish  suburban florida high school teacher who ', s the dream of every spruced up female in the community . particularly one . kelly van ryan ( denise richards ) adores him to such extent that she offers to wash his jeep with a partner . soon  her tiny shorts are soaked and tells the other girl to take a hike  enabling her to come into his house . next thing  she cries rape . and the so - called " roller - coaster ride " ensues . a second accuser comes front  suzie toller ( neve campbell )  a booze - drinkin ',  tattooed piece of trailer trash that charges lombardo of sexually molesting her  virtually guaranteeing a trial where preposterous confessions  asinine occurrences and laughable courtroom procedures are bound to happen . even bill murray gets into the act as lombardo ', s zany lawyer . he wears a fake neck - brace  waves the finger at the other client and infuses the script with some billy murray . you can tell mcnaughton knew he had nothing to lose assigning murray to this role . as ridiculous as it sounds  he ', s the most sane character in the movie . the community is astonished . reporters flee to the scene . there ', s an 8 . 5 - million settlement for a libel suit against kelly ', s mother ( theresa russell ) . there ', s the ambiguous cop ( kevin bacon  who also executive produced ) who sniffs something iffy in this concoction of deceit  murder and lust . we  the audience  sniff something not so lustful . like so many thrillers these days  including " the usual suspects " and " the game  " " wild things " eschews character for plot . mcnaughton knows how to handle the camera  and he keeps the campy fillings of the script flowing with workmanlike ease  as if he knows the territory he ', s covering is a harmless appetizer to accompany " henry  " a furious  unsettling film directorial tour - de - force . george clinton ', s score is a delight to behold . but it ', s the humans . the characters are mere devices for the " nasty " twists . what writer stephen peters does not grasp is this becomes tediously uninvolving  almost unbearable  if those who inhibit this twisted world are not interesting  don ', t feel real or we don ', t care for them . not even the unintentionally funny moments work . the people in " wild things " are not so much people as they are caricatures . then there ', s the erotic content  which nearly earned the film an nc - 17  for a sexless  badly edited  poorly lit menage - a - trois . and in what has to be one of the most flabbergastingly inept scenes that has graced this country  kevin bacon ', s member makes a cameo appearance with ten minutes to go . ironically  the wildest elements of " wild things " are not wild at all .
neg it rocks - actually  lots of rocks fly at us or from us  in slow or fast motion  at several points in the film . they seem like dangerous rocks because they kind of twirl through the air instead of just propelling forward  and when they land - once in a while  when we need a break from the space sequences - they cause damage enough to destroy the chrysler building and the like . ( nary a mention of these apocalyptic events is made after they occur . ) they also just might be the most interesting element of armageddon  a steroid user ', s answer to deep impact . bruce willis stars as harry stamper  a famed oil - driller commissioned by the white house and nasa to stop a giant asteroid before it travels beyond " zero barrier " and destroys our planet . why an oil driller ? they require someone experience with deep - core mining to plant a nuclear missile into said asteroid . ( in one unintentionally ( ? ) hilarious sequence  nasa asks harry to inspect a deep - core driller they built based on his blueprints ; it is poorly constructed - harry criticizes almost every aspect of it . we trust nasa to build space shuttles ? ) harry assembles the obligatory " ragtag " bunch of " cowboys "  including a blond guy  a fat guy  a black guy  a wiseass  and the man who is sleeping with his daughter ( affleck ) . once they reach space  we experience sequence after sequence of something going wrong - perhaps the fact that they sent a bunch of nincompoops into outer space has something to do with it ; i cannot count the number of times they almost fail the mission on all my fingers and toes . whether or not they save the day  i will not reveal . nor will you care . i will say this : you know you ', re in trouble when deep impact dwarfs your asteroid movie in terms of emotion and scope . willis has barely a chance to come alive ; ditto for affleck . their big scenes are mostly reserved for the third act  in a last minute - and futile - attempt to inject warmth into the material . steve buscemi ', s character - the wiseass - is exceptionally problematic . " rockhound "  as he ', s called  is sarcastic and foolish  so they tape him to a chair  where he spends most of the film . so why did they bring him up there to begin with ? rather  why write him into the film ? - give his almost - witty one - liners to serious willis  who scowls and mopes and demonstrates psychotic tendencies : at one point he chases after affleck with his shotgun for screwing his daughter  firing often and causing significant damage to his oil rig . i ', m guessing he qualifies under nasa guidelines as someone unfit for space travel  at least in my world where the sky is blue . liv tyler is pretty and humourless  as always ; suspiciously  four of her father ', s band ', s ( " aerosmith " ) songs grace the soundtrack . director michael bay lays the visual and sound effects on thick  like ketchup  eventually drowning the movie on - screen . ( the middle hour is a non - sensical  pyrotechnic assault on the average primate ', s brain . ) whenever someone dies in this movie  a crew member inevitably yells out " we lost ( insert dead person ', s last name here ) ! " i must admit that not once could i distinguish a dead oil - guy - cum - astronaut from a live one  and close - ups of the corpses ', faces beneath cracked helmets provided little assistance  as their skin was often covered in fake blood . armageddon is not as terrible movie as godzilla . it looks nicer  and has fewer plot - holes within its equally ludicrous framework . it has a vivid soundmix . but at almost two - and - a - half hours  i could not believe how little actually happened over the course of the story . the love story has been played up in the ads  perhaps hoping to catch people before they recover from titanic - fever . bollocks ! the lovers in the film are miles apart throughout - erase all thoughts of nude sketching or car - sex and replace them with obligatory shots of liv tyler tearing up while ben affleck dicks around in a moon - crawler . remember a little film called jaws ? in this film  three independent - minded men suddenly found themselves on a fishing boat in pursuit of a deadly shark . they didn ', t much like each other at first ; eventually  they started to respect one another . one of jaws ', great scenes involved the would - be - ahabs drinking and singing songs and telling stories . this is the sort of male - bonding foreign to bay or his producer  jerry bruckheimer  who throw too many characters into the mix and expect we ', ll care about them on the grounds that the world is about to end . not once do we get the feeling that these characters are even acquaintances - i ', d be surprised if these actors bothered to introduce themselves to one another before " action " was called . a male friend who loved the film suggested to me that perhaps i cannot relate to a bunch of men who don ', t bare their souls  who believe in dying macho concepts like heroism and a kind of chest - beating bravery . to this  i will respond that the boys in armageddon are neither heroic  nor brave  nor smart  even : this team couldn ', t build a birdhouse . and if i get no respect for disliking a movie with all the synthetic feeling of a trailer - a trailer for a movie written by a team of body - builders and greeting card authors - i ', ve never been a prouder wimp my whole life .
neg there ', s a 1  000 - foot tidal wave at the end of deep impact . i ', d say it pretty accurately represents the towering flood of the last two years worth of disaster movies  which are getting more irwin allen - esque with every release . the early wave of this revival  while just as cheesy and laughable  at least knew to include thrills every five to ten minutes . deep impact tries to disguise itself as a human drama  with endless filler comprised of disaster prevention plans the country keeps taking . the repeating cycle is as follows -- the president ( morgan freeman ) will go on tv and tell the country that there ', s a remote chance a comet will strike the earth  but that the nation ', s crack scientists and astronauts have some brilliant plan to stop the problem . then we get to see the plan in action  in some sequence utterly lacking suspense . the mission will barely fail  and freeman will tell the country that the comet is still headed toward earth  and there ', s a remote chance it will strike  but that the nation ', s crack scientists and astronauts have some brilliant plan to stop the problem . it goes on and on throughout the movie  but every time freeman goes on tv  we know his plan is going to fail . how do we know this ? because we ', ve seen the tv ads for deep impact  ads that feature freeman telling the nation that " the comet is still headed right for us " and show disaster shots of the comet striking earth and the giant tidal wave spreading . ladies and gentlemen  that is the movie . successful disaster movies have the main disaster toward the beginning and more little disasters that follow  but deep impact saves its one disaster for the end and discloses all in its 30 - second tv spots . television is what ', s wrong with deep impact . the main character  played by tea leoni  is a low - level broadcast journalist for msnbc ( and that ', s the mere tip of the product - placement iceberg ) who stumbles upon a huge government conspiracy . she thinks it ', s an instance of an ex - secretary of something or other ( james cromwell ) resigning because of a mistress  and that maybe he took the fall for the president in the same area . when she goes nosing around cromwell  he begs her to keep it under wraps . " i know you ', re just a reporter  but you used to be a human being . " she figures out what ', s really going on after getting roughed up by some fbi men and doing an internet search  where all good journalists learn the difference between a mistress and an extinction - level comet . upon a top - secret meeting with president freeman  leoni agrees to keep the story under wraps until the president can hold a press conference  at which she gets to ask the first question . and everyone knows  if you get to ask the first question  baby you ', re a star . leoni ends up in the anchor chair  broadcasting every step of the comet ', s collision course with earth . and i ', m sure it ', s comforting for her to know that  even though the world ', s ending in a matter of months  she ', s a cable news personality . so there she is  narrating the six - astronaut mission to blow the comet up . such personalities as robert duvall  jon favreau and blair underwood cash their paychecks and go through the motions of this dragged - out process . but as anyone who ', s seen the commercials knows  the astronauts fail . they only end up breaking the comet into two pieces  which means even more destruction to the earth . yeah  thanks  nasa . that ', s when freeman has to come on tv for the last time and say goodbye to all the people who aren ', t picked to live in the missouri cave site for two years . they even have animals  two by two  ready to climb into the cave . if the focus had been on people living inside these caves after the world had been destroyed  deep impact could have been a far more interesting movie . instead we watch as a lovestruck elijah wood defies all odds to chase down his young wife  while people pack the highways out of town . the reasoning is  of course  that if a comet is going to strike  they might as well be out in some scenic rural location . and  amusingly  the highway is spotted with people in u - haul trucks . i ', m sure it ', s comforting to know that  even though the world ', s ending in a matter of minutes  the u - haul people are doing the most business of their lives .
neg " there will be another  " the ads for this sequel proclaimed  and why not ? true  brandon lee is dead  but there would be no reason for him to appear in a followup to 1994 ', s the crow  anyway . the idea of spinning artist james o ', barr ', s original comic book series into a sequel franchise revolves around the notion that a different startled soul would come back from the dead in each movie  taking its own righteous vengeance against the world . given that basic framework  the story could move in any number of directions . of course  it doesn ', t . stubbornly  the crow : city of angels backtracks to the beginning of the previous film  when lee ', s eric draven found himself drawn back out of his grave to do a charles bronson on the thugs who tortured him and his girlfriend to death . i remember the first film primarily as a harrowing exercise in brutality . in flashback  we see the most excruciating crimes exacted on eric and his lover  and then we watch in real - time as eric pays each perpetrator back in kind . it ', s loud and repetitive  true  a sadist ', s delight -- but it ', s also horrifying and fascinating . city of angels gives us more of the same  but less skillfully . there ', s an audience guaranteed for a film like this  although bad reviews and poor word - of - mouth will likely ensure that it won ', t be much of a success . in fact  miramax subsidiary dimension films was so fearful of the critical reaction to this picture that reviewers were shut out of advance screenings . ( i ', ve never understood the reasoning behind this tactic  since good notices have never been key to the success of movies like the crow . ) so much for any confidence in the worthiness of their followup . this time  ashe ( french - accented actor vincent perez ) is retrieved from his watery death ( he and his young son were shackled together  shot  and then thrown off a pier ) by the crow who serves as his link between the worlds of the living and the dead . perez might have some screen presence if he ', s given something to do with himself  but here he ', s simply thrown in front of the camera as a pretty face . at first  he ', s shivery and frightened  but he quickly recovers from the shock of his own death and becomes a badass biker from beyond the grave . he ', s befriended by sarah ( mia kirshner )  presumably an older version of the child who narrated the first film . kirshner  so beguiling in exotica  is here an exquisitely photographed blank . tattooed with angels ', wings  sarah is just about as lovely as women come  but she serves no purpose  not even as seductress . the gang of punks who killed ashe are ostensibly commanded by judah ( richard brooks )  but a far more interesting choice as leader would have been iggy pop  who plays a gaunt fellow named curve . iggy  all bones  veins  and drawl  is the only one who seems to have shared in the aesthetic of ruin that defines this film . like all good things here  he ', s dispatched too soon and without much imagination . in the meantime  we ', re subjected to tedious glimpses of judah ', s compound  where bondage is the order of the day and hot wax is poured over naked bodies in s & m fantasies that would seem shy of the cutting edge even if they weren ', t distinctly secondhand . even the soundtrack is tired . more than anything i ', ve seen from hollywood lately  city of angels smacks baldly of product -- it ', s a movie with a lousy script but a great look . critics have been quick to fault the direction of mtv veteran tim pope  but his work isn ', t that bad per se . he ', s got a good eye  and some intriguing visual ideas -- if anything  this movie has a few too many scenes of ridiculously striking imagery . his major stylistic failing is that he can ', t seem to direct an action scene  and the quick  nonsensical cutting that ensues is reminiscent of a low budget kung fu movie . but as director  he must also shoulder the blame for the little screenplay that wasn ', t  the performers who couldn ', t  and an apparent lack of ideas on the parts of everyone involved . who bought david s . goyer ', s anemic script  anyway ? the producers of this crow were either too dim to realize their story was doomed to be a hollow rehash  or too cynical to figure their audience would know the difference .
neg late in down to you  the lead female character ( julia stiles ) states her greatest fear is having an " artificial conversation " with her boyfriend ( freddie prinze jr . ) . the irony of this statement will not be lost on audience members who have not yet walked out  fallen asleep  or otherwise given up on this pathetic attempt at romantic comedy . the film is a multi - million dollar testament to everything artificial . filled with characters  motivation  plot and dialogue that ring fake and shallow at every step this is an unquestionable disaster . prinze plays a college student intent on playing the field until he falls for stiles ', freshman co - ed . at first the movie seems to be an attempt to string along scenes with the sole purpose of out - doing the previous in how " cute " it can be . the happy couple " psychoanalyze " each other ; they pick out a song because  as prinze ', s dj mother ( lucie arnez ) explains  every couple needs a song ; he smells her shampoo ; she scratches his chest in the morning to let him know she wants to make love . then  in standard romantic comedy style  things fall apart . why ? well  because they have to . otherwise the couple can ', t make up and live ( presumably ) happily ever after . down to you exists outside the realm of normal logic . scenes do not connect to each other and it often seems to be attempting some sort of surrealism  but this is handled so poorly that everything comes off random and stupid instead . a picnic scene involving the six key characters is just bizarre  not only for the stretched logic of these people hanging out together  or even knowing each other  but mostly because an unusual amount of screen time is dedicated to a goat . the supporting characters are remarkably flat  and insultingly ridiculous as well . stiles ', best friend ( rosario dawson ) is a pot head  prinze ', s roommate ( shawn hatosy ) is a girl crazy fool who can ', t meet women  and then there are the porn stars ( zak orth and selma blair ) . he is one of those famous porn stars who is frequently interviewed on television  does the college lecture circuit  and stars in high budget costume epic porns that are shot on film . you know  the average porn star . the costume epic idea gives him a reason to appear in a different ridiculous outfit everytime he ', s on screen  the porn angle exists just so there can be a couple of stupid sex jokes . she is a porn star mostly so we know she ', s slutty  so her very existence will make stiles jealous and prinze tempted . attempts at drama ( which means julia is going to cry ) include a pregnancy scare and the big break up . these characters are so insipid only the most forgiving viewer would be manipulated by these weak scenes . what happened here ? the cast is full of likable  promising  young actors ( stiles especially seems to be going places ) . writer / director kris isacsson has simply given them material so weak not even seasoned pros could pull it off . in fact the whole film feels like a reworking of last year ', s extremely unpleasant the story of us  for teen audiences . the direction is film - school - grad obvious . it ', s stylish in a hugely self conscious way which throws in split screen  a pointless parody of " cops  " characters walking into the flashbacks of other characters  and a hilariously cheesy airport meeting between prinze and stiles where all the extras move in fast motion while the couple moves in extreme slow motion . plus  the whole story is told flashback style  narrated by prinze and stiles directly addressing the camera . this is the second film in a row ( following wing commander ) starring freddie prinze jr . which should have premiered on the aisles of the local blockbuster but was likely saved from that fate due to the fluke success of she ', s all that . if he doesn ', t start making better choices fast his future films won ', t be so lucky .
neg for better or worse  the appearance of basic instinct in the movie marketplace gave the greenlight to a whole slew of overheated  oversexed  underwritten thrillers . apparently not having joe eszterhas as the writer doesn ', t change a thing  since body of evidence wasn ', t written by him  but has a puzzling eszterhas - ish presence all over it . in other words  it ', s a ) really dirty and b ) really  really stupid . madonna ( first warning sign ) stars in body of evidence as a woman who has piles of money and no apparent job ; she lives on a houseboat and likes to parade around semi - naked  presumably for the edification of the shrimp . she ', s been accused of having murdered an older man who was her lover . already two classic examples of hollywood sexism are in effect -- the first being that any woman in a movie cannot be sexual unless she ', s under thirty ( or at least looks it )  and that they usually only exist for the sake of studs or filthy rich older men . what ', s worse is that the movie confirms all the above  and wallows in them as well . madonna ', s character is accused of forcing sex on the old goat when she knew darned well he had a heart condition . ( and yes  there are the obligatory cracks from the cops about how at least he died happy . this movie leave no scummy stone unturned . ) anyway . willem dafoe ( very good but completely wasted ) also stars as the lawyer who is doomed to run afoul of madonna ', s sexuality . how do we know this ? because his character is set up with the token wife and kids . how obvious is it that he ', s gonna cheat on her and have to fess everything up ? and get kicked out of the house ? and get welcomed back anyway ? don ', t skip to the end yet ; we ', re just getting warmed up . dafoe and madonna have a lot of sex in this movie . most of it is about as erotic as open - heart surgery  since it involves such goodies as hot candlewax ( always the kink of choice among screenwriters who don ', t know the first thing about * really * kinky sex ) and smashed light bulbs . don ', t ask . another thing that people are starting to realize about explicit sex in movies is that unless it is critically important to the story  it ', s insanely dull . what ', s worse is that body of evidence is dull * everywhere *  not just in the sex scenes . the stuff in the courtroom is recycled ninth - hand from other bad courtroom drama scenes . the thriller business itself is ridiculous -- it involves nasal spray bottles and drugs  and juergen prochnow as a surly doctor . and the ending -- another homage to eszterhas  maybe ? -- is one of those endings where you can almost see the exact * frame * where one of the five or six various endings to this mess was spliced in . the director is uli edel  all the more disappointing since he also directed the elegiac and powerful last exit to brooklyn and christiane f . everyone has to eat  i guess  but this isn ', t a meal ticket  it ', s leftovers .
neg it was with great anticipation that i sat down to view braveheart last week as it premiered on american cable . the academy award winning film had been highly acclaimed . it also featured the music of one of my favorite film composers  james horner . what i was in for was a disappointing and overlong film which was anything but the best picture of 1995 . what drags braveheart down is its screenplay . it abounds with high production values : john toll ', s award - winning cinematography ( which also graced edward zwick ', s 1994 legends of the fall )  a gorgeous score by horner  and the sort of logistics that make you wish assistant directors were household names . but this does not save a misguided script . the film wishes to paint its central character as a hero  but the viewer ', s only response to his " heroism " is intellectual : william wallace ( producer - director mel gibson ) is fighting for freedom and against tyranny  so we have to root for him . but wallace ', s actions paint a different story . he speaks of freedom and acts of vengeance . though one intellectually realizes wallace is on the right side  the film paints an unconvincing emotional portait  in which wallace is just not as bad as the english king . wallace speaks of freedom  but his acts point toward vengeance . after kicking the english out of scotland  he decides to invade england . this is evident of a " spartacus complex "  and this example applies both historically and cinematically . the historical spartacus at one point moved from liberating slaves to sacking roman cities ; the film spartacus  like braveheart  has high production values and competent performaces and is dragged down by an awful screenplay . it is a shame that such an excellent score is part of such a terrible film . horner ', s score tries to make emotional connection  but the performances and the script do not help . gibson portrays wallace in such a way that the audience cannot relate to him or identify with him . this drags down any emotional connection to the film ', s plot  and turns three hours into a total waste of time .
neg susan granger ', s review of " the watcher " ( universal ) just what we need : another lurid  trashy serial killer saga . this time  keanu reeves plays an elusive homicidal maniac who engages in a gruesome ticking - clock cat - and - mouse game with james spader  a burnt - out fbi agent who has suffered a traumatic nervous breakdown after too many years on the job with the lapd . to taunt spader  who has relocated to chicago  reeves packs up his trusty piano wire and moves too . before long  he starts mailing photographs of the lonely  unsuspecting young women who are his intended windy city victims  challenging spader  along with the chicago police department  to stop him within 24 hours before he strikes again . in the midst of this murderous frenzy  there ', s spader ', s psychologist  played by marisa tomei  who is even less convincing as a medical professional than jennifer lopez in " the cell . " writers david elliot  clay ayers and darcy meyers  along with first - time director joe charbanic ( helmer of music videos for reeves ', band dogstar )  dwell on the warped thrill of the methodology and the chase  revealing  early on  exactly whodunit since the killer says he and the cop " need each other to give meaning to our lives . " plus  as reeves explains  " we ', re all stacked right on top of each other  but we don ', t notice each other any more . " after that  it ', s all sound effects and tricky camera - work  along with a muddled  discordant soundtrack . james spader ', s acting technique can be described as ', wooden deadpan ', while keanu reeves maintains his perpetually monotone ', dude ', persona which sometimes works  sometimes doesn ', t . chris ellis  as spader ', s self - important colleague  is the only cast member who manages to be convincing . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " the watcher " is an appallingly awful  amateurish 2 . the real torture is watching it .
neg ahh yes . the teenage romance . an attractive young cast is pitted into an unlikely scenario that could only happen in the movies  and in the end  the guy always gets the girl . and with the arrival of the breakout hit ` she ', s all that ', last year ( followed by a long catalogue of imitators including ` 10 things i hate about you ', and ` drive me crazy ', )  the genre previously on life support is once again a hot commodity . along now comes ` down to you ', . the folks at miramax are obviously trying to capitalize on the rabid ` she ', s all that ', craze with their latest project  which has the studdly freddie prinze jr . attached and all . only ` down to you ', doesn ', t have the ? unlikely scenario ', mentioned above . it is an extraordinarily ordinary romance - a dull  unattractive teen comedy that sticks to the boring game plan that we ', re accustomed to . this is the kind of romance that only giggly 12 - year old girls will find convincing . in strictly textbook fashion  college sophomore and aspiring chef al ( prinze jr . ) meets freshman artist imogen ( julia stiles ) . they hit it off like a couple can only in the movies . from here  it ', s the standard boy - meets - girl  boy - loses - girl  boy - drinks - entire - bottle - of - shampoo - and - may - or - may - not - get - girl - back story . the plot is conveniently assembled to suit the requirements of the main characters  who are frequently taking part in activities that . . . . well  only happen in the movies . fortunately  the cast of ` down to you ', has a certain appeal . freddie prinze jr . and julia stiles are an adorable couple  and when on screen together  they radiate the sort of warmth and charisma that the movie should have centered around . zak orth  as the newly realized porn star monk  shows an unmistakable flair with handling all of the film ', s intelligent dialogue . rounding out the impressive ensemble of young talent are shawn hatosy ( ` the faculty ', )  selma blair ( ` cruel intentions ', ) and ashton kutcher ( tv ', s ` that 70 ', s shows ', ) . even the fonz himself - henry winkler  the epitome of teenage angst and nostalgia - has a welcome role as al ', s dad  the host of the popular cooking program ` chef ray ', . maybe the concept of ` down to you ', looked good on paper to draw such a crowd . as a feature film  however  the finished product is bland and tasteless fluff with only an occasional whiff of cuteness to keep the gears from stopping entirely . perhaps worst of all  ` down to you ', is not funny . the jokes are drawn from obvious sources and the resulting humor is banal and uninspired . the characters on screen  often laughing at each other ', s goofy / embarrassing antics  seemed far more amused than the audience . even the giggly 12 - year old girls had grown restless toward the end as they waited impatiently for the formula to run it ', s course . the one mildly clever segment featured winkler and prinze jr . in a fantasy sequence called ` cooks ',  a ` cops ', take - off in which the father and son would storm houses and cook a decent meal for ? needy ', families ( with the assistance of a fully - armed swat team  of course ) . when this is the highlight reel  you know the remaining film could leave something to be desired . in order to make a teen comedy work  you ', ve got to have characters that show something by way of depth and identity . ` 10 things i hate about you ', actually featured characters who were more than walking flashcards  and the result was refreshing . no such luck with ` down to you ', . it ', s just a textbook romance where  despite absurd circumstances  everything is bound to work out in the end . and at the end of the whole clich ? d ordeal  the nicest thing you could possibly say would be ` . . . . only in the movies ', .
neg " virus " is the type of cliched  vacuous film that has been recylcled so many times before that you wonder why anyone would even bother putting work into making it . strangely enough  on the same mid - january weekend last year  another film was released like this  " deep rising  " about an ugly monster on a cruise liner . prior movies with the almost exact same storyline include 1989 ', s " leviathan  " 1989 ', s " deep star six  " and all four " alien " pictures . " virus  " in comparison  is a servicable thriller  well - made and produced  but since it doesn ', t include one moment of even remote originality or intelligence  it sinks under the weight of the water that the film was shot on . based on a series of comic books  " virus " concerns the crew of an ocean salvage tugboat  which becomes extremely damaged during a violent typhoon . after discovering that the boat is slowly sinking  ( un ) lucky for them  a huge ocean vessel that appears to be dead in the water turns up within the confines of their radar screen . once the team reaches the russian ship  they go on board to find that the place is seemingly deserted . after turning the power back on  however  there gradually are signs that something else is on the ship  and the electrical equipment is oddly working by itself . one survivor finally does turn up  nadia ( joanna pacula )  who informs the suicidal and stern captain ( donald sutherland ) and one of the crew  kit foster ( jamie lee curtis )  that a mysterious alien life form hit the santi mir space station which then was transported down to the ship  taking over the minds of all of the electrical machines and thinking that humans are viruses that should be completely wiped out . if " virus " sounds like all of the previously mentioned movies  you ', re correct . although the technical artistry is fairly impressive to bring the mechanical creature to life  the film itself doesn ', t appear to have a brain in its head . the film sticks so close to the worn - out conventions of the " creature " genre that it is amazing anyone would spend the money and time filming it when they could be making an original film . the actors are all very good and have all proven their acting abilities in the past  but they are sorely wasted here and do not really even have characters to play . in her second return to horror in the last year  jamie lee curtis once again proves to be a strong and resourceful heroine  but that is about it . although 1998 ', s " halloween : h20 " was also a disappointment  at least she was given a few scenes to develop a character  unlike here . donald sutherland has fallen on hard times recently by starring in thoroughly disposable films  such as 1994 ', s " the puppet masters  " although i just watched him in the superb 1978 sci - fi classic " invasion of the body snatchers  " where he was fabulous . the last of the three top - billers is william baldwin  but it is fairly hard to say if he is good or not in the picture  since he has nothing to do . basically  " virus " is another one of those films where a group of people walk around and investigate a space ship / ocean liner / haunted house until the deadly and equally grotesque and slimy creature pops up and kills them one - by - one . it is not the worst of its type  but it is far from one of the best  and when exactly are studios going to give up recycling such shameless and overdone plot gimmicks such as this ? as long as some of them keep making money  i suspect the answer is never .
neg over 40 years ago  a japanese production company called toho introduced the land of the rising sun to gojira  a reptilian creature of immense proportions created by mankind ', s nuclear testing . partly flight of fancy  partly commentary on the exploitation of atomic power and weaponry  gojira emerged from the ocean to terrorize tokyo . a year later  gojira was marketed to the united states by adding three things : a new name  a dubbed english track  and raymond burr . as godzilla  the film took on the rest of the world . thirty years later  toho remade the classic film and once again took it to the american market by adding the same three things ( yes  including raymond burr ) and called it godzilla 1985 . now it ', s 14 years after toho ', s remake  and director roland emmerich has allowed the giant lizard to make an american first run . in emmerich ', s godzilla  matthew broderick plays dr . niko tatopoulos  a biologist who is called in to join other scientists in the south pacific already studying the existence of a radiation - induced super mutant which leaves footprints the size of livingrooms . when the mutant reptile suddenly appears out of the hudson river  tatopoulos and the rest of the team relocate themselves back to the states . meanwhile  tatopoulos ', s college girlfriend  audrey timmonds ( maria pitillo )  works in new york city as an assistant to a big - time news reporter . she ', d like to be a reporter herself  and when godzilla comes ashore  she figures this is her big break . of course  with the big guy running amok in the city  niko and audrey are bound to cross paths  and are joined by victor " animal " palotti ( hank azaria )  audrey ', s trusty cameraman friend  and phillipe roche ( jean reno )  an operative for the french government  whose nuclear testing started the whole problem in the first place . together they attempt to find and destroy the surprisingly elusive godzilla . with the resources of the most cutting edge special effects houses and the clout of one of the nation ', s premiere movie production companies  one would think emmerich could make a film truly deserving of the name godzilla . he didn ', t . right up there with the lost world  godzilla is one of the biggest disappointments in recent cinematic history . the plot is pretty much what we expect : the big dinosaur - like creature comes out of the water and starts smashing new york city  and it ', s up to our heroes to figure out why this thing is on its rampage and how it can be stopped  while the military makes futile attempts to bring the creature down . the script  however  is painfully bad . it ', s fraught with lines so corny  they don ', t even belong in b - movies  and includes many character actions which make you think  " you idiot  " or " you stupid girl . " i suppose when you ', ve got a movie with a giant lizard loose in new york  any other semblance of reality goes out the window as well . why is it that godzilla topples some buildings by merely brushing against them  but is conveniently able to leap atop others ? why do helicopters have to follow godzilla by flying dangerously between buildings where they can lose sight of him  when they could more easily keep track of him by flying a little higher and in a straight line ? why do sidewinder missiles  which have small explosive warheads  blow up entire buildings when they miss godzilla ? why is a mission to bomb madison square garden carried out by three f - 18 fighter - bombers  when flights of such aircraft are always comprised of multiples of two ? okay  maybe the last one was a bit nit - picky  but hey  i was on a roll . broderick is usually a good actor  but in this film he ', s weighed down by an unexciting character and an atrocious screenplay which seem to fight against him every step of the way . hank azaria does what he can  but don ', t expect to see development of any of the promise he showed in the birdcage . like broderick ', s  azaria ', s character is quite simply lacking in color . what really annoyed me was maria pitillo  who actually takes the bad script and makes it worse with her acting . casting must have been asleep on this one . the one bright spot here is jean reno  who oddly enough seems to fit well into a role which is often comedic  quite unlike what we ', ve seem him do in the past . although his character is contradictory to the unfolding disaster  reno brings a style to the role of phillipe which makes him enjoyable . unfortunately  the same cannot be said of the other incongruities . the entire feel of the movie is tongue - in - cheek  and seems to pay comical homage to a dozen or so films that have come before it . this results in a significant amount of parody  which contrasts sharply with the threat of the monster  and ends up just producing a mess . most of the characters seem to be there for comic relief  and almost none are smart enough for the audience to take seriously . although emmerich obviously wanted to make a fun action picture  what good is it to sink millions into a cgi creature whose ferocity is undermined by the humans he threatens ? if we can ', t take the characters seriously  the threat they face is an empty one because we simply don ', t care what happens to them . godzilla simply pulls too many punches in its attempt to be a film more light - hearted than it should be . far be it from me to want to see more carnage in the theaters  but here ', s a behemoth running through the city ! there ', s bound to be a lot of casualties  but instead godzilla is afflicted with the after - school g . i . joe cartoon syndrome  where almost everyone seems to get out of harm ', s way just in time . in a couple of scenes  godzilla briefly breathes fire . none of the characters even remark upon this ability  nor is it used to any particular advantage by the filmmakers . it ', s as if the special effects people just wanted to show that yes  godzilla can do this  just like in the old movie . consider another punch pulled . through creative script writing  you can make a sequel out of just about any movie  but the final scene in this one doesn ', t just leave the door open  it opens into a hallway leading directly into a room where godzilla ii is waiting patiently . it made me want to gag . emmerich should have done away with 90 % of the humor and in - jokes and played this one as a straight action film . with an intelligently written screenplay  godzilla could have been so much more . however  by confusing the viewer with a ton of add - ins and parodies  the movie ends up being something that just doesn ', t work . now if they only had raymond burr . . . .
neg before the remake of psycho appears  we ', ve got to suffer through this remake of an earlier hitchcock film  dial m for murder . as usual  hollywood has filled it with glitz and big name stars  and it all amounts to a loud sounding nothing . the film opens with emily ( paltrow ) and david ( viggo mortensen ) ', having fun ', in an loft apartment . the problem is  paltrow is married to stephen ( douglas )  who is not too happy when he discovers this affair . if i was paltrow  though  i ', d definitely go with mortensen . less wrinkles . anyhow  stephen approaches david with an interesting proposition : he ', ll pay him to kill his lovely wife . mortensen agrees  but the murder goes awry  and the twists keep on coming as the film progresses . unfortunately  the film dosen ', t progress very fast . in fact  it moves like a tortoise with arthritis ( read : very  very s - l - o - w . ) the plot moves nowhere fast  and only becomes exciting in very short bursts . not too good for a ', thriller . ', also  the performances  apart from douglas  are below par . paltrow  showing immense talent in se7en ( 1995 ) and sliding doors ( 1997 ) is strangely stilted  even unconvincing  in this movie . mortensen is a little bit better  coming across as a younger douglas  but his role isn ', t meaty enough to show all his talent . which leaves douglas to waltz away with the film  which is does . however  i doubt douglas finds it very hard to play a stogie smoking  drinking womanizer with a creepy underside . also popping up in the film is david suchet  playing a shifty looking detective . again  it ', s not a character we ', re seeing on the screen  it ', s david suchet . the director  who bought us the fugitive  piles on all the flash techniques  such as zoom - in ', s  quick cuts  etc . the lighting is also interesting . however  looks can ', t save this film from the depths of mediocre  and the film seemed to work better in a single set anyway . the screenplay is o . k  but there ', s some hackneyed sub - plot about douglas being a ruthless player on wall street ( again ) and the ending is surprisingly stupid and cliched . the characters also make incredibly dumb moves  especially paltrow  and stephen appears to lose all intelligence in the last reel . with a combination of no tension  drama  or decent characters  a perfect murder is a failure all round  and an incredible disappointment . there are a few bright moments  but they are far and few between . the last thing a thriller should be is boring  and although the film just barely manages to keep your interest thanks to michael douglas  you wouldn ', t be missing anything if you decided not to watch a perfect murder . overall rating = review by david wilcock ? 1998 " you know  for kids " - norville barnes
neg coinciding with the emerging popularity of movies that deal with anything related to serial killers  relentless  1989 low budget thriller about lapd detective sam dietz  played by character actor leo rossi  spawned three more sequels . relentless 3  third in the row  features sam dietz again  but this time detective  who had to catch vicious serial killer in his very first case  doesn ', t want to deal with similar line of work . divorced  demoralised and transferred  he reluctantly returns to his old post when los angeles becomes a hunting ground for another serial killer  and evidence indicate connection with one of dietz ', s old cases . to make things even more interesting  it seems that the killer deliberately stages murders in order to bring dietz to the investigation . fans of the british tv films and mini - series like prime suspect or cracker would probably see a lot of similarities relentless series of movies . they both feature vicious psychopathic killers  yet also give a lot of  usually depressive  details about chief investigator ', s private lives . this one isn ', t an exception  but similarities with british television are only in content . the execution and style is different  which makes this film mediocre piece of entertainment at best . useless  gratuitous erotica also doesn ', t help either  obviously making this film longer than it should be . the actors are good  though - leo rossi is fine as usual  and william forsythe plays one of more compelling villains in his career . signy coleman as dietz ', s love interest  is  on the other hand  quite miscast . but she won ', t have to worry about it in the future career  since relentless 3 wasn ', t supposed to be anybody ', s finest moment anyway .
neg edward burns tackles his third picture with no looking back  and like his previous two  it is a working - class relationship picture . however  unlike his previous work  the film dwells on a more personal story  and with a female protagonist . and in no looking back  he stumbles  making a slow  boring film without the spark that enlivened his previous work . claudia ( lauren holly ) is a small town waitress who is feeling stifled by her life . she ', s at a turning point in her life  and feels as if she ', s going nowhere . her boyfriend  michael ( jon bon jovi )  is broke and in a dead end job . if she were to marry him  she ', d never get a chance to escape this town . enter charlie ( edward burns )  claudia ', s old flame . he skipped town several years before  without any explanations . . . even for claudia . he has come back to town to see her  and suddenly she is torn . should she stay with stable michael  and never escape her hometown . . . or should she ignore her instincts and fall for charlie again . part of the answer lies in the character of her mother ( blythe danner )  who fell for the wrong man . . . and has spent her life pining for claudia ', s father to return . now it seems that claudia is about to make the same mistakes . at only a little past ninety minutes  no looking back is rather short for its genre . unfortunately  it seems much much longer . the storyline is simple and uninspired  and there ', s a lack of energy to the whole proceedings  which makes the entire drama rather tedious . edward burns makes a misstep by casting himself in the crucial role as the egomaniacal old flame . there ', s no one to restrain his ego  which reigns unchecked . he walks into the room and lauren holly swoons . . . yeah  right . lauren holly does what she can with her central character . but we never understand why her character makes such pathetically bad decisions . . . and we never really care . bon jovi is the only sympathetic character in the whole movie . his acting talents are much greater than they might seem  but he is given a mostly bland and ineffective role to work with . there ', s not much to recommend in no looking back . it ', s not that the film is bad . . . it ', s simply boring . there ', s no zest in any aspect of the film  and no reason to spend ninety minutes watching it .
neg i don ', t expect much from eddie murphy these days . for the past four years  the gods of cinema -- or the expansive payrolls of studio conglomerates -- have allowed him to make one bad movie after another . such films as metro  doctor dolittle  holy man  life  and bowfinger have reduced a once great comedic persona to a living and breathing washed - up hack performing as a studio puppet for 20th century fox and universal pictures . the biggest shame to fall on his shoulders is his newest film  nutty professor ii : the klumps . the klumps once again revisits the life of sherman klump  an overweight university science professor looking for love in all the wrong places . sherman has just invented a new " youth drink " that enables man or beast to become younger for a short period of time . janet jackson is the love interest who chooses the lovable sherman for a soul mate rather than excel at her career as a university professor ( and for the most ridiculous reasons ) . with love on his mind  sherman is determined to rid himself of his alter ego  buddy love from the first professor  who still resides with vigor inside his psyche and causes sherman to act like a bad imitation of vince vaughn from swingers . with some convoluted mumbo - jumbo about dna extraction  sherman extracts the " buddy love " link in his dna and smartly deposits buddy into a handy - dandy lab beaker . but one night  the beaker is knocked over and buddy love is regenerated . . . because every movie like this needs an unnecessary villain to thwart the good guy . then the klump family  all played by eddie murphy  step in for some comedic relief involving old people having sex  flabby breasts  a slew of fart and dick jokes  and enough fat people jokes that i lost count after the first thirty minutes . and did i mention the part where larry miller gets anally raped by an overgrown hamster ? the movie finally dissolves into a really bad hallmark family special about realizing who you are and what you can be in this world -- with enough soft lighting and people on the verge of tears in every scene . pure and simple  the klumps is a failure . its script was handled by not one but five screenwriters  and it really shows during the awkward transitions between scenes . any sense of story and plot were lost in the rewrite process . it ', s more discerning to learn that chris weitz and paul weitz  the team behind one of the funniest films of the last decade  american pie  have their names stamped to this trash . hey guys - quick note - keep this movie off of your resumes . the characterization of sherman ', s family  the klumps  is one of the most ignorant stereotypes of a black family i have ever seen in cinema . everyone member of the family is a large person who wipes the bins clean at a local buffet restaurant like pigs at a trough . the grandma is an oversexed fiend who constantly talks of ways to pleasure her man and her sagging breasts . the father is gruff  is fired from a blue - collar job  is sexually inadequate  and cannot communicate with his family about his feelings . the mother is ignorant of all the negativity around her and seems to hold no opinion about anything or anyone . the brother is silent and brooding and resembles the ice cube gangster character from boyz in the hood . sherman himself is terribly insecure and never conveys anything for the audience to become attached to . but the main problem with the film is its inability to create any type of convincing conversational or situational comedy . the family scenes from the first nutty professor worked so well because their conversations were short and direct . and you got the feeling that these crass people couldn ', t act like this all the time . the sequel does the reverse and drives the negatives of the klumps right in to the hilt  making the first five minutes of their interaction enjoyable and the last 55 or so unbearable and pathetic . after a while  their conversations just become a barrage of frustrated anger tinged with indecency and overworked premises that end up drawing energy away from any type of empathy one might feel for the central themes of the story . its also a damn shame that the makeup magic of rick baker -- who worked on the original nutty professor and won an academy award for his work on an american werewolf in london -- and amazing digital special effects that enabled murphy to interact with himself in such beautiful motions are built around such a lame story line . even the best effects can ', t seem to save the most pathetic of movies these days . now that i think about it  the worst thing about this film has to be all the money that it will make . people will be lined up around the block for it . the studios will concoct the a sequel for release in the summer of 2002 . eddie murphy will be signed up to take not just one role or five roles  but he ', ll play every character in the movie . i just can ', t wait to see eddie murphy in a love scene with himself .
neg brian de palma  the director who bought us carrie  dressed to kill and mission : impossible is back  and has bought all his technical expertise with him . sadly  he forget to bring a good story and believable characters . nic cage plays rick santaro  a fast talking cop who is watching a boxing match with his friend commander kevin dunne ( sinise . ) an assassination takes place  and santaro tries to peace together how it took place  trying to work out the roles of the people involved in this conspiracy . the film uses flashbacks and video cameras to bring the mystery together . however  the film doesn ', t keep the mystery for long  and once the big ', secret ', is out concerning kevin dunne  the film is at a dead end . although there are some fantastic shots by de palma  including a 15 minute steadicam shot at the start of the film  halfway through the film drops dead . the problem is that de palma doesn ', t have a strong story or characters to work with . he tries to offshoot this with flashy camera techniques  but pretty soon this has no effect on the audience  and i quickly got bored . nic cage and gary sinise try to inject some life into some poorly realised characters  but it ', s no use . they are boring  faceless  and completely unlikeable . yes  another problem with the film is that there ', s no - one to root for . we ', re supposed to be on cage ', s side  because his character becomes nicer throughout the film . however  his change is sadly unbelievable . poor gary sinise ', s character is terrible  who completely changes throughout the start  the middle and the end  in an appalling way . the film ', s use of flashback quickly gets boring . while clever and interesting the first few times  it quickly becomes apparent that flashbacks are being used because the film has nowhere to go . they certainly don ', t increase the tension or suspense of the movie . there is small thread of suspense running through the film  but it certainly doesn ', t make this film a powerhouse thriller  rather just a slightly below average one . the script is lousy and contrived  the characters flat and two dimensional . certainly not good factors for a film passing itself off for a thriller . the most depressing aspect of the film is that it had potential . there ', s a good story buried in snake eyes  it ', s just bogged down in razzle dazzle and flashbacks . it also gives itself away far too quickly  rather than leaving the big twist for the end . while the performances are intriguing  especially by newcomer carla gugino as a sexy ', number cruncher ', wrapped up in the case  there ', s no way of altering the fact that snake eyes is a terminal case of style of substance  and unless you ', re a big fan of either cage or flash directing  should be avoided . a david wilcock review ? 1998 " you know  for kids " - norville barnes
neg it ', s now the anniversary of the slayings of julie james ', ( jennifer love hewitt ) best friends . still besieged by nightmarish memories of the man responsible for it all  she seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown . she can ', t concentrate on her schoolwork  can ', t get a good night ', s sleep  and is even frightened by the shadows and the blinking strobe lights at a local dance club . everywhere she looks  she sees visions of the man in a rubber slicker with the hook on his hand . in the first movie  ` i know what you did last summer ',  julie and three of her friends accidentally kill a man  running him down while driving down a dark mountain highway . to cover their misdeed  they dump the body into the ocean . however  he never quite died and returned to hunt down julie and her friends . julie and one other  ray ( freddie prinze jr . )  survived only to make this dismal sequal . needing some desparate rest and relaxation  she is elated to learn that her college roommate  karla ( brandy )  has won a trip for four to a secluded tropical island . accompanying these two girls are karla ', s overbearing boyfriend  tyrell ( mehki phifer ) and a potential beau for julie . but was this contest too good to be true ? the resort is filled with a skeleton staff that seemed like love boat rejects . meanwhile  the hotel is practically deserted as the storm season is about to begin . this presumably creates a venue where they will be secluded and will have no possible means off the island . eventually  they will be hunted down during power outages and chased around during intense lightning storms . as you might have guessed  somewhere in the shadows lurk a mysteriously strange figure that is wearing a rubber slicker and wielding a hook . julie tries to convince her friends that the killer is on the island ( an eerie touch is when she is singing " i will survive " at the karaoke bar and the words scroll " i still know . . . " )  but her friends chalk it up to paranoia . but the body count soon starts to rise  and for julie  it ', s going to be the worst vacation of her life . the funny ( yes  i used the word ', funny ', ) thing about this movie is that i heard more chortling and giggling ( maybe it was my giggling ) than i heard screaming . this movie boils down to a mindless slashfest that never conjures up any amount of wry wit or even a quirky campiness . there isn ', t even any suspense that leads up to the deaths . here ', s an appropriate example . knock - knock . " housekeeping "  says the diminuitive cleaning lady . the door suddenly opens up . slash . next victim ! is there any reason to go and see this movie ? not unless you want to see four uninteresting college kids run around in circles for about 90 minutes . but i do want to say one thing about this movie that satisfied me . i was thoroughly irritated with tyrell  who incessantly ranted and raved about his sexual libido . i secretly wished for him to get filleted . did he get ', hooked ', ? well  let ', s just say that if he didn ', t  i would give this film a grade of " d " .
neg lucas was wise to start his star wars trilogy with episode 4 : episode 1 is a boring  empty spectacle that features some nice special effects . after the familiar ', a long time ago . . . . ', opening  the film starts with the opening yellow crawl that features in every star wars movie and computer game . the plot is that the trade confederation are blocking off supplies to the peaceful planet of naboo  ruled by queen amidala ( portman ) jedi knights qui - gon ( neeson ) and obi wan ( mcgregor ) are sent to negotiate a deal with the confederation to stop the blockade . however  this simple blockade is not all it seems  and the jedi knights soon have to deal with many more dangers  including facing the evil darth maul ( ray park . ) they also meet the future darth vadar  anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd ) star wars is largely a failure in all the major areas of filmmaking : script  direction and characters . the script desperately tries to make an thin and boring story into a two hour epic . the trade confederation plot is just not as exciting as the death star  and as the film goes on the drama becomes more and more non - existent . there ', s no underlying tension  and no urgent need to see what the outcome is . the film also takes a leisurely pace in telling the boring story  which doesn ', t help . there ', s no snap to make the film work  it moves at a plod . the script is boring : all the characters speak in morals  especially anakins mother . there ', s no group spirit evident here  and when all characters can speak only in profound statements or bark orders  it ', s evident that not much is going to happen . the two leads are hideously boring  static characters given little to do and too much time to do it . qui - gon and obi - wan hold no presence on film  and give little for the audience to root for . the audience will probably warm more to bad guy darth maul  if he had been given more screen time . maul is one of the most underused bad guys in film history  even if he does provide the only ', straight ', plot line in the film ( all the other plots in this film are to be concluded throughout the trilogy . ) anakin is annoying and unlikeable .  instead of cute and huggable as lucas no doubt intended . it ', s probably not surprising that his hateful little boy  unfortunately blessed ', ani ', by everyone he knows  joins the dark side and kills everyone as quickly as possible . the comedy relief is supposedly provided by the gangly jar jar brinks  although in the end none is provided in the film by him . although his floppy features will no doubt be great for stuffed toys  the lines and actions he is given are painfully unfunny . the only good laugh is when his tongue is burned by a ', pod ', racer  because i knew he wouldn ', t be able to talk for a while . queen amidala is a nothing in the film  she serves no real purpose apart from the fact that she must ', serve her people  ', and go goo - goo over anakin . again  her role will become more important in the later episodes  and is given little to do here . the actors don ', t help the movie much either . liam neeson seems bored and embarrassed  and seems desperate to leave the movie as quickly as possible . mcgregor comes across as a posh mothers boy  with little charm . the casting director must have chose him because he ', s scottish like alec guinness : there ', s little other explanation for it . natalie portman is plagued by hideous costumes and a poor script  but she delivers a spunky performance . and jake lloyd looks at everyone with hateful eyes and delivers his lines in a bored voice . there ', s very little talent evident with him  it ', s hard to see why lucas chose him when there are better child actors out there . he ', s not even very ', cute . ', the main claim of the film  the special effects  are okay . there ', s nothing impressive about them  yet they complement the story well . the cgi takes away much of the human element  however . the battle droids for example  the replacement for the stormtroopers  are characterless little computer graphics  lacking the humour and humanness that came from the stormtroopers . episode 1 is just disappointing . it ', s got high production values  but little else . the music is meandering  except near the end . the plot gives us no - one to root for  or even care for . the effects are nice  but dull . the plot goes on for half an hour longer than it should . there ', s an air of manufacturing among the whole sorry affair  and many clich ? s are catered for throughout the film . apart from a remotely exciting pod race sequence  episode 1 is a dry affair that serves little purpose  except to make money and to get us to watch episode 2 to see what happens to the many unfinished plot lines in the film . disappointing is barely the word . rating =
neg five girls spend a day in a closed building doing inventory when a strange box gets delivered there ( is this starting to sound familiar ? ) by mistake . the girls accidentlly open the box ( big surprise  huh ! ) and release an evil spirit of a killer that kills the girls off one by one ( betcha didn ', t see that one coming ! ) . hard to die  i found out while watching the film  is a sequel to sorority house massacre 2 : nightie nightmare ( r . a . m . r . # 1521 ) . two of the actresses from sorority house massacre 2 are in this film  robyn harris and melissa moore  but they play different characters here . orville ketchum is also back as ( get ready for this ) orville ketchum ( yes  the same character from number two ) . yes  he is also built like a tank in this film too . i ', m telling you  a nuclear bomb detonated next to this man wouldn ', t harm him at all ! the before mentioned three were the only actors from part two that i thought could act  well they seemed to have lost that ability . thankfully  for my sanity  i also saw the film warlock  which undid all the ill effects that i got from this film . the story for this film is completely ridiculous and has many elements from many cheapo low budget horror flicks . any good moments that this film fails to make are even more destroyed by the story line . the film is so pathetically predictable that every moment has already been figured out  analyzed  and discarded before it happens . there is no point in this film that any suspense is ever afoot . while we are on the subject of the story  the story also provides every chance it can to disrobe an actress . the film goes to the extent of putting a shower in the manager ', s office . i ', m sorry folks but this is completely unnecessary  ridiculous  and hurts the story more ( if that is still possible ) . the script for this film is completely pathetic . the lines the actresses come out with are completely horrible . the only thing that i think could have happened is that the actors made up the script as they went along . here is an example of the wonderful dialog . the scene is two girls have just entered a gun store and have picked out a * really * big gun . the line is " my dad used to be a marine  i bet i can work it . " this line has got to be a contender for the bad line hall of infamy . now  we fast forward for a few minutes until just after a big plan ( ? ! ! ? ) has been presented . one comment from an actress is " not a lot of strategy involved  but i like it . " i ', m afraid folks that this is about as good as they get . now lets talk about the great special effects for this film . this obviously wasn ', t a big concern of the film makers . the killing scenes are so obviously faked that they go to the point of threatening the viewer ', s intelligence . a girl gets hacked with a knife and enough blood comes out to do one friday the 13th movie . are we trying to see how unrealistic we can get ? the continuity department was obviously asleep ( along with the viewers ) when watching this film . in one shot  actress has cloths on  camera angle changes  actress seems to have lost clothing . very impressive trick ! the one ( half ? ) plus that this film has going for it  is that in many places it is unintentionally hilarious . the incompetence behind the film makes it incredibly funny  and so the viewer can get some enjoyment ( ? ! ! ? ) from the film . however  this doesn ', t make it worth the rental fee of over a penny . in the acting department  the only thing i can say is two thumbs squared and one head down . i would normally do a detailed paragraph on this topic  but there is no point here because there is nobody that i was impressed with in the least . oh well  win some  lose some .
neg the first film produced by adam sandler ', s happy madison production company ( clever title eh ? ) is essentially a one joke movie  much like the movies sandler stars in himself . however the difference here is that this one joke just isn ', t very funny . rob schneider stars as the title character  a scruffy fish tank cleaner who ends up becoming a " man - whore " to raise enough money to replace a wealthy client ', s custom made fish tank  which deuce destroyed while staying in his home . deuce goes on numerous " dates "  and each woman he goes out with has a " humorous " quirk about herself . one has narcolepsy  one has tourette ', s syndrome  one is a man . . . etc . etc . my problem is that we see all of these women in the film ', s trailer  so why do i need to watch the movie ? seen the trailer . . . seen the film . only a quick cameo from norm macdonald ( and a follow up joke during the closing credits ) generates any chuckles . deuce bigalow : male gigolo is available on dvd from touchstone home video ( a division of di $ ney ) . the disc includes the film in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1  and features the original theatrical trailer ( as well as trailers for mystery alaska  happy texas  and outside providence )  an extremely brief production featurette ( which contains footage not used in the film )  and storyboard - to - scene comparisons . yep  you read that right . . . there are storyboard comparisons on this dvd . two scenes are storyboarded . . . neither of which are particularly exciting . there are fight scenes in this movie  so why aren ', t we seeing storyboards of those segments ( especially the parody moments from the matrix ) ? i wonder what ', s funnier : the fact that any moment in this film required storyboards or that di $ ney thought fans of this film would want to see them ? deleted scenes ? sure . audio commentary ? you betcha . but storyboards ? come on . [ r ]
neg tectonic plates is an incredibly painful motion picture experience that nearly prompted me to walk out 20 minutes into the movie . the film ( which opened in canada during 1992 but was never released in the united states ) is based on a 1988 stage play by canadian auteur robert lapage  and  while it ', s evident that this could be a fascinating live production  the translation to the screen is a creative disaster . enduring tectonic plates is like sitting through a filmed version of performance art -- lifeless and tedious . the qualities that make it captivating when seen in person are effaced in the motion picture medium . tectonic plates has a storyline  although the narrative is developed in a decidedly non - traditional fashion  with shots of the stagebound play intercut with more typical cinematic sequences . it ', s not an inherently uninteresting way to present a movie ( despite the valid complaint that it is pretentious  all - but - screaming  " look ! art ! " )  although it keeps the audience distanced from the characters . because we ', re constantly made aware that we ', re watching a play or a movie  it ', s impossible to accept these individuals as anything more than mouthpieces for the writer ', s ideas . they ', re not real  sympathetic  or believable . i ', m willing to give director peter mettler credit for trying something different  but this particular experiment is not a success . tectonic plates opens by introducing us to madeleine ( marie gignac )  an art student studying in montreal who has fallen in love with her professor  jacques ( lapage ) . one day  he disappears  and  fearing that he left because she was undeserving of his love  madeleine travels to venice to kill herself . while preparing to commit suicide  she encounters drug addict constance ( celine bonnier )  who causes madeleine to re - think her decision . meanwhile  jacques has moved to new york city  where he starts cross - dressing  calls himself jennifer  and becomes a successful counter - culture talkshow host . with settings that shift from paris to venice to montreal to manhattan to scotland  supporting characters that include a topless goddess and a deaf / mute  and cultural references that point to chopin  george sand  and jim morrison  tectonic plates is unique  if nothing else . however  as interesting as the film sounds ( and i was excited to see it because the synopsis is promising )  it never really delivers . the tone is soporific  the supposedly - intellectual prattle is inane and uninteresting  the plot meanders in a pointless and irritating manner ( although it doesn ', t take long for the viewer to determine that the story is largely unimportant )  and the symbolism is obvious . tectonic plates is trying to show that human interaction is as volatile as unpredictable as the shifting of the earth  but it takes one - hundred minutes to get across this transparent point . there are some worthwhile moments  such as a silly sword fight between jacques and the topless goddess and an entertaining discussion in both french and english about the differences between the two languages ( although the fine points will certainly be lost on those who aren ', t bilingual ) . the only people likely to enjoy tectonic plates are those who feel a strong need to praise something this rootless and boring because ( a ) it ', s different  ( b ) it ', s not like anything they ', ve seen before  and ( c ) it ', s pretentious . for everyone else  it ', s not only a waste of time  but a poor introduction to the work of robert lapage .
neg various films seen at the seattle film festival : it ', s all true / three men on a raft ( u . s . a .  1942 / 1986 ) director : orson welles a recently uncovered one - fourth of orson welle ', s planned " docu - drama " of amazing stories around the world named it ', s all true  this short dealt with welle ', s attempts to document the actions of several brazilian fisherman in 1942 who had become folk heroes for their fantastic voyage to rio on a raft . while several clips of the film are seen  the short tends to spend more time trying to recount welle ', s attempts to film it  despite studio problems  a staggering workload  and extremely ill fortune on the set . impressive photography  but really only interesting to film historians . sadie thompson ( u . s . a .  1928 ) director : raoul walsh screenwriter : raoul walsh  from the john colton play " rain "  based on w . somerset maugham ', s story " miss thompson " cast : gloria swanson  raoul walsh  lionel barrymore silent after the discussion of the newly - restored version of frank capra ', s lost horizon  where several scenes had been restored using stills  i was interested to see sadie thompson  where the last 5 minutes of the film had been destroyed many years ago . this is the silent version of the somerset maugham short story " miss thompson " . this is one of the most skillful silent films i have ever seen -- little awkwardness  and a very clever script . the actors : gloria swanson  raoul walsh ( who also directed and wrote the screenplay ) and especially lionel barrymore  as the hypocritical reformer who supposedly wants to save sadie ', s soul  but really wants to get her between the sheets  is the absolute epitome of sanctimonious scoundrel . swanson adds real life to the character  adding an worldly  affectionate air to the bawdy sadie . unfortunately  the ending is rather poorly tied up ; it is difficult to know whether this is due to the lack of live - action film  or the original script . the happy ending seems particularly poorly tied on ( i cannot believe maugham ', s short story ended with sadie and our hero moving to australia ) ; the stills are expected to fill in a conclusion we ', ve been waiting an hour and a half for . still  it ', s entertaining right up to the end ; certainly barrymore ', s incredibly hammy performance ( which  nonetheless  works  perhaps due to the silent screen ) is a must for anyone who is fed up with the actions of the falwells  bakkers  and robertses of the religious worlds . a c movie ; worth 2 . 50 if you can find it . the pied piper ( czechoslovakia  1986 ) director : jim barta screenwriter : kamil piza this is an animated film from czechoslovakia that is definitely not for kids . it tells the old folk tale of the pied piper with a twist ending i find highly appropriate  and with a lot of political comment along with it . perhaps economic content is a better word -- it certainly doesn ', t show capitalism in a good light . nor human nature  nor anything else  for that matter . as you may have guessed  this is not a tgif film ; this is the kind of film you are glad is over . not that it wasn ', t interesting for technical reasons ; this is stop - animation that is very well done . all the puppets have been carefully carved out of walnuts -- except for the animated stuffed rats . boy  sounds like a real comedy vehicle  doesn ', t it ? add onto that set design that makes the cabinet of doctor caligari absolutely cheerful in comparison  and you have something to give the wee ones ( and some of the mentally unstable larger folk ) to keep them up at night . some gore . don ', t bring children to this one . don ', t bring adults to this one  unless they ', re fascinated by puppetry and / or hate capitalism so badly they enjoy seeing wooden puppets raped . blech . . no fun whatsoever . meier ( west germany  1986 ) director / screenwriter : peter timm cast : rainier grenkowitz  nadja engelbrecht  alexander hauff  thomas besvater sub - titled this film takes us back and forth over the east german / west german border with meier  an east german wallpaperer whose father in the west dies and leaves him a good deal of money . his uncle ( also in the west ) sneaks meier out of the country  unknown to the east germans . meier  however  is less than thrilled -- his girlfriend  his friends and his job ( which he likes ) all exist in east germany . after a round - the - world trip ( his boss think ', s he ', s on leave in bulgaria )  meier starts visiting east germany on day visas with a fake id  and uses his money and his connections to the west to buy his girlfriend presents and bring credit to his work crew ', s work -- while everyone think ', s he ', s still living in east germany . of course  something goes wrong -- and the ending is very funny  but it takes the film too long to get there . the humor is spread too thin  and much of the plot is too obvious ( as is the acting ) . still  a good concept for the comedy  and the last five minutes are pretty funny . c -- $ 2 . 50 . the right hand man ( australia  1986 ) director : di drew screenplay : helen hodgman cast : rupert everett  hugo weaving  arthur dignam  jennifer claire  catherine mcclements after a lifetime of movie - going  and about four years of attending the seattle international film festival  i ', ve learned several rules which  while not absolute  should certainly be given deference to : 1 ) be wary of french comedies . these people like jerry lewis . 2 ) ken russell is never going to grow up  no matter how long you wait . 3 ) any film where siff associate director gary tucker refers to the lead as " old pouty - lips " is probably not worth watching . 4 ) when an australian film only awards credit is best cinematography  watch out ! australia has good cinematographers up the whazoo  but since weir and miller left for foreign shores  finding a good script or director seems to be a difficult ( not impossible -- witness malcolm last year ) task . well  i ignored rules 3 & 4 last night  and sat through a film that should be in the golden turkey awards . it ', s as if the director was trying to do one of those classic romance stories that were done in the 30 ', s about tragedy among the gentry  and falling in love with people below your station  and horses . lots and lots of horses . the film opens with a stallion mounting a mare under the direction of her ladyship  which i guess is some kind of foreshadowing  because the missus of the house wants to have her son produce an heir . unfortunately  said son  a reckless idiot who faints at the very worst times  kills his father and loses an arm during a racing accident . highlights include the amputation sequence ; the doctor ', s daughter  who has the hots for the son  tasting his urine for a diagnosis ; their tender kissing with a window between them ( while it ', s raining -- you ', d think a woman studying medicine would know better ) . the photography is good  but i kept wishing for b & w -- everything seems sepia - colored anyway . actually  i wished i was watching swimming to cambodia instead  but that ', s life . grade : z . avoid like the plague  unless you ', re looking for inadvertent yuks .
neg capsule : the weakest and least engaging of the alien movies  dragged down by an uninvolving story and no real tension . alien 3 ( the " 3 " should be in superscript ) is a sad and wan entry in what was shaping up as one of the best sf sagas ever put on screen . it continues the story of ripley  the space - trucker - turned - impromptu - survivalist  but seems remarkably uninterested in her . in fact  the movie seems lucky to be interested in anything at all  it ', s so elegaic and limp . a little of this would have been nice for atmosphere  but the movie telegraphs its own tragedy from the beginning . at the end of the last film ( aliens )  ripley and two survivors were on their way home . unfortunately  an alien pod had been deposited in their ship  and wound up triggering off their ejection in an escape pod . the pod crashes on firorina 161  a prison planet designed to house the incurably criminally violent . ripley lives through the crash ; the others do not . the prison is a grim place  even as prisons go -- it ', s been built around the remnants of an abandoned steelworks  which provides no end of techno - gothic backdrops for the actors to be backlit against . lice are endemic  and so ripley ', s head is shaved ( another surreal touch ) . at first it looks like she just has to hold out as an unwelcome guest until a company rescue ship can arrive  but it doesn ', t stay that way . one of the other eggs on board the wrecked escape pod hatches  and soon a newly - gestated alien is running amuck . worse  it looks like ripley herself has been impregnated . what ', s weird is how little tension this generates  except near the end  when the pressure is being troweled on through every cheap cinematic form of cheating imaginable : loud music  shaky camerawork  etc . sigourney weaver has become comfortable with the role  and she does well with it  but this time the role has been underwritten and left slack . the supporting actors are also not given a lot to do : the doctor ( charles dance ) and another  rather religious inmate ( charles s . dutton  very good )  hiave presence  but they ', re not asked to do anything with it . in light of the impending sequel  which apparently plays fast and loose with the ending of this movie  i will not talk about the ending -- except to say that they found a remarkably good ending for such a drab movie . it ', s strange that some of the desperate and improvisational thinking that they found to wind up this story couldn ', t have driven the rest of it .
neg " from the director of " the nightmare before christmas " it said in the previews  which i ', m guessing was said to get people to go see the movie  obviously it hasn ', t worked since the $ 75 million dollar movie has yet to break $ 5 million . to each it ', s own however  since " monkey bone " is not only a bad movie all together  but technically well - made . a tragic waste of talent and incredible visual effects . stu miley is the genius behind the new phenomena " monkey bone " a crude comic strip  that everyone wants to merchandise  they go to great links to get it as well  including dollars that let out fart powder . when stu and his girlfriend  julie ( bridget fonda ) are in a freak car accident ( you ', ll see ) stu goes into a coma  and while in his coma stu travels to i ', m guessing dark town  where all the characters in dreams come to life . people are stuck in this town  with their nightmares roaming around them . when stu spots monkey bone ( whom he really can ', t stand ) he tries to keep him under control . making a new friend kitty ( rose mcgowan ) he learns that if he gets an exit pass from death  he can go back up and live his life . when monkey bone and stu steal a pass  monkey bone becomes a trader and takes it and goes into stu ', s body . now monkey bone must get everyone to buy these dolls with nightmare powder  so everyone has nightmares . . . or something like that . rather complex ( in fact more than it needs to be ) " monkey bone " had potential in the script and even the story . what is considerably noticeable is the gaping plot holes  and lack of character development . for instance we really don ', t get to know who stu or julie are  so why should we even care ? kitty played well by rose mcgowan ha a story behind her  but we are not given a chance to know her . the cast is decent however  brendan fraser seems to be enjoying himself in the role as stu miley  but becomes awfully annoying when monkey bone takes over his body . bridget fonda is dreary and seems to bring the film to a screeching halt  her performance is bad and she seems miscast . dave foley isn ', t given enough to do  as well as " will & grace ', s " megan mullally who can be funny . the standout performance is the voice of nick turturro as monkey bone himself  he is very funny and entertaining and really keeps the film from being a total bust . the special effects of " monkey bone " is what might really bring in some curious viewers  these special effects are highly effective  and nice to look at with the eyes . some of them are believable and some unbelievable . . . for monkey bone he seems to be like stuart little  you really don ', t realize that he is animated . . . but on occasion it sneaks up on you . the direction by henry selick is good  but at times he doesn ', t know what kind of film he wants to make  and the ending climax falls off the cliff . it ', s too bad really  " monkey bone " could have been a real good movie  but with it ', s heavily done hack job  and lack of character development it just sinks when the end credits role . for those curious however  it might be worth the rental  but other than that avoid this one .
neg numerous comparisons can be made with this movie to past sci - fi  suspense thrillers . soldier is a multi ? crossbreed between the likes of terminator  aliens and offspring . the problem with such mixed genes is that the final product is a real mongrel ? not well made and should have been put down before production got off the ground . besides this  the action is mediocre when compared to the standard action flicks of this day and age . the fight scenes between jason scott lee and kurt russell seem laboured  slow and sluggish  and could have done with better choreography . russell who is usually a good actor in b - grade action flicks is unusually hampered by his character ? sergeant todd  who seems more like a sergeant toad . besides having almost no dialogue  his character appears stunted  zombie - like which is in line with his screen persona  but scores little points of empathy with the audience . this movie has not made me change my opinion about director paul anderson  whose last epic event horizon has left an unusually bitter taste in my mouth . although this movie does not come anywhere close to the strangeness of former  it is still a long way from anything considered desirable .
neg a documentary from the twin hughes brothers  allen and albert ( dead presidents  menace ii society )  about street pimps  all of whom are african - american . an offscreen interviewer questions them about their lives and profession . it is mostly the pimps who do the talking for their ho ', s  and the egotistical and flamboyant way you would expect them to be  is what you get . i learned that the word " bitch " is their favorite word  as it seemed to crop up in every sentence they used . it makes for a film with no surprises or nothing fresh to say  but if one has a sense a humor for what their lifestyle is about  then some of what they rap about might seem amusing . they seem to all want to be thought of as businessmen  in the business because it is the easiest way for them to make big money . it ', s also a power trip  accomplished by manipulating the girls to work for them  mostly by humiliating them and keeping them in place . this sleazy pic  soon became grating and wore out its welcome to my unreceptive ears . these verbose pimps had a smart answer for everything and never knew when to shut their face . the hughes brothers used as their pimp role models  the feather - hatted  fur - coated  diamond ring - wearing  gold chain wearing  flashy cadillac - cruising pimp of the late ', 70s blaxploitation movies -- like the mack and willie dynamite . also used as reference  was iceberg slim ', s best - seller pimp  the story of my life . we meet pimps such as : fillmore slim  c - note  charm  k - red  gorgeous dre  bishop don magic juan  and rosebudd . they readily discuss their business arrangements : including percentages  lifestyles  knockin ( stealing another pimp ', s ho )  and the thrill they get from women giving them money . these dudes needed no prompting to talk  as they just love to brag about about themselves . " priests need nuns  "''", yaps c - note  a san francisco pimp . " doctors need nurses . so ho ', s need pimps . "''", as he tries to persuasively make the same case all the other pimps in the film make ; that the girls need them to show them the ropes  how to make money  to be their security blankets  protectors  and counselors . the race issue was brought up right from the film ', s onset  as a number of white interviewees  regular citizens  note that their impression of a pimp  is that he ', s the lowest form of human . while  we are told  in the black community  the pimp is looked upon as a successful entrepenaur  riding around in fancy cars  flashing wads of money  dressed in a flamboyant style  where his snake - gaiter shoes might cost him a grand  and where he boasts hollywood style status in the community . we also see that the black pimps have a number of white girls in their stable and we see how they treat them like dirt  as the film implies that this could be payback for the days of slavery  of master and slave relations . the film was all about pimp style and their projected image  as they run a hard - sell riff about the virtues of their work . there are different styles of pimping  but the film mentions them only as being " macks " and " players " or " real pimps " and " perpetrator pimps  " but no further clarity is attempted . it is also failed to get the women ', s side to this story of abuse  primarily taking the pimp at his word . the film could never get to the core of what makes the pimp think in such a perverted way as he does  as the filmmakers were taking for a ride by the pimps  who were looking only to pose in front of the camera and say their thing  hungry for their 15 - minutes of fame . the only laughs i got out of this bleak look at an american subculture  was hearing how a few pimps retired and what they are now up to . danny brown became a blues singer so he could keep his pimp ', s wardrobe . while a hollywood pimp called rosebudd  married his ho and turned square  working to support his wife and daughter as a telemarketer .
neg gord brody ( tom green ) is an aspiring animator approaching thirty who still lives in parents jim ( rip torn ) and julie ', s ( julie hagerty  " airplane " ) basement . as dad declares all out war  gord secures a job in a cheese sandwich factory in far off la and sets off to make his dreams come true . gord doesn ', t make much of a go on his first attempt and lands back home with fawning mom and outraged dad in " freddy got fingered . " tom green cowrites ( with " tom green show " scribe derek harvie )  directs and stars in what is essentially tom green ', s primal scream . so  if tom green screams in an empty theater  does he make a sound ? it ', s clear that " freddy got fingered " is at least partially autobiographical and green sure has one hell of a complex about his dad ( mom gets off easier when sonny boy advises her to go out and have sex with basketball players and greeks ) . while this may be of interest to his hard core fans  there ', s little about green ', s mania on display here to recommend this movie to anyone else . the film starts promisingly enough  with a well executed skateboarding scene through a shopping mall set to the sex pistols ', ', problem ', ( green ', s put together a first rate soundtrack ) and yes  i laughed a few times . green ', s flummoxing of a security guard with psychotic ramblings and his attempt to draw  make music and eat at the same time ( the ', daddy would you like some sausages ', scene repeatedly shown in the film ', s trailer ) are inspired comedy . but what ', s funny about a paraplegic girlfriend who gets turned on by having her legs caned or a skateboarding injury that results in an exposed kneecap ? a baby delivery bit shows some groan - inducing promise until enough blood is splattered to coagulate the laughs . younger ( by three years ) brother freddy ', s internment at the institute for sexually abused children does nothing but confirm one ', s worst fears regarding the film ', s title and green ', s infamous ', handling ', of a real horse  while not nearly as shocking as it would seem  doesn ', t make sense . by the time he repeats the gag with an elephant at film ', s end  the overall effect is numbness . while " freddy got fingered " has the admirable end result of depicting the harm in demeaning a child ', s self esteem  it ', s essentially a whole lot of tom green running around being noisy . rip torn  what were you thinking ?
neg much ado about nothing . ah  how sweet the irony ! it ', s accepted wisdom in some circles - among english literature nuts  mainly - that whenever a critic knocks shakespeare they are only doing so through ignorance . he just doesn ', t " understand " shakespeare  you will hear them say . the bard ', s work is apparently beyond criticism . what a load of old cobblers . if these arbiters of public taste think kenneth branaugh ', s film of shakespeare ', s " comedy " much ado about nothing is comedy in any modern sense of the word  it ', s time to get a life . get monty python . get woody allen . get john waters . whatever . just get a real taste of some clever  witty  risky comedy . and banish this nonsense to where it belongs . drama and tragedy was shakespeare ', s strength . to my sensibilities - and i ', m no stick in the mud - much ado about nothing resonates with no spark whatsoever . no kidding : this film ranks among the most embarrassing two hours i have ever spent in a cinema in my 20 years of movie going . the only thing that stopped me walking out was loyalty to my lady friend  as this was our day out and i hadn ', t seen her in ages . but boy  does she owe me one ! i won ', t spend too much time on the plot . basically  we follow the trials and tribulations of two would - be couples - one young  the other older . there ', s some dark treachery amongst all this  but everyone is so awfully jolly that you ', d hardly know it . mind you  there ', s nothing wrong with the basic story . good romantic comedies based on similar premises abound . nothing wrong with most of the cast  either . branaugh  emma thompson and denzel washington are all talented performers . the problem is the script  or more accurately  shakespeare ', s original text . light comedy shouldn ', t be complex . yet wrapped in elizabethan english  the dialogue becomes difficult to comprehend . for this alone it will be a problem for modern audiences unschooled in shakespeare and in search of nothing more than a good  undemanding laugh . the only laughs to escape my belly were brought on by the gloriously inept performance of keanu reeves  the actor once again miscast as a jealous half - brother or something . but when dissected and understood  what it all boils down to is that this stuff is just so goddamn lame . this is comedy so clean and nice and corny and so devoid of danger that it leaves this viewer totally cold . ho  ho  ho  boy likes girl ! ho  ho  ho  men are such klutzes ! ho  ho  ho  she ', s so awfully clumsy ! oh please ! there ', s wit in here somewhere  i ', m told . i call it pretentious . something lightweight striving to be something sophisticated through clever wordplay . in the end  it ', s cringeworthy . watching some of the cinema patrons around me collapse with laughter made much ado about nothing a very weird movie going experience . comedy ? bah  humbug !
neg another formula ', feel good ', quirky comedy from the british isles  much like " waking ned devine  " and a host of other popular low budget movies that turned a nifty profit off a thin story line . it is filled with likable establishment types living in a quaint town  such as tolerant vicars and policemen  plenty of eccentrics  and of locals who stick together through thick and thin . the strength of this film lies in its rational theme  that smoking pot should be legalized since it is even less dangerous than drinking alcohol . the film is tolerable until after its first hour  it then falls completely apart  becoming just too absurd to consider as anything but sitcom fluff gone completely bananas . but its long overdue message of decriminalization for certain drugs is on target and allows the film to  at least  be viewed as containing a pertinent message . its message is especially appropriate nowadays considering the ', war on drugs ', is about to be escalated into colombia . the drug war has been a total failure so far and with no hope of it being won by law enforcement methods in the future  it has so far just ended up causing america ', s jails to be overcrowded with non - violent drug prisoners and offers zero hope of curtailing america ', s drug usage and drug supply . billions of dollars have just been allocated by congress to get officially involved in the colombian civil war  by backing a corrupt government ( remember vietnam ! ) with the idea that military might could stop the cocaine and marijuana harvests in that country . everything about this proposed action smacks of vietnam  with this scenario closer to home  so what probably awaits such an effort is a more futile result than the other war . the film ', s mild theme of showing squares getting into the weed business and finding it acceptable by the public  something that should have been accepted some 40 years ago  is a theme long overdue for public acceptance  but one that is better received late than never . there has to be some common sense in distinguishing what drugs should be legalized and how to educate the public on this  rather than making it a police matter altogether . the film opens in a quaint cornish seaside village at the funeral of the husband of a middle - aged woman  grace ( brenda blethyn )  who fell out of an airplane  evidently committing suicide . the widow soon finds out her husband was a bigger bastard than she imagined . he left her with a stack of enormous bills and put up  without her knowledge  their comfortable 300 year old house as collateral for a failed business venture by taking out a second mortgage . the widow finds herself bankrupt and with no marketable skills to pay back her husband ', s enormous debts and prevent her from losing the house and becoming homeless . she also knows that he was having an affair with a sophisticated woman from london  honey ( quick ) . what makes the affair doubly unsatisfying  is that when conferring with honey  she finds out that he was a tiger with her in bed but refrained from having sex with her . even though the locals try to help the bankrupt widow out as best they can  the creditors swoop down on her like vultures . her gardener and handyman  matthew ( ferguson )  decides to stay on with her  despite his last check bouncing . since she is an expert amateur horticulturist  he convinces her to help him revive his hemp plants  which he grows for private use . the two soon see this as a possibly big business opportunity  as grace works miracles with the plants which turn out to be high - quality stuff . for grace  this is a way to save her house and get her out of debt ; for the scotsman  matthew  it offers a chance for him to continue to live in this beautiful village and earn enough money to marry his fisherman girlfriend nicky ( valerie ) . the locals all let the illegal activities go on undisturbed : the police sergeant ( campbell ) pretends not to notice what the bright lights in grace ', s greenhouse is for  the friendly vicar ( phillips ) counsels about the wisdom of not taking action over something that you can ', t control  and the doctor ( clunes ) enjoys smoking the weed for recreation . the story becomes incredulous when grace decides to go to london and score with a big - time drug dealer instead of having matthew go  because she finds out nicky is pregnant and doesn ', t want matthew to end up in jail . it is interesting to note  that no one thinks smoking grass is bad for you  only that one can go to jail . the scene with grace on portobello road in the notting hill section of london  trying to find a drug dealer  while dressed out of place  in a white dress and hat one would wear to a tea party in cornwall but not on the streets of notting hill while looking to make a drug deal  was completely hokey and the film descended into a huge black hole  whereby it never recovered its dignity . the film moves into the formula mode  whereas grace beats the odds against her failing to survive  as she meets an international drug dealer  a frenchman ( tcheky karyo )  who is first seen threatening to cut off her fingers but later becomes her business partner and husband as she becomes a millionaire and writes a best selling fiction book about her experiences  thereby becoming a celebrity . things work out in a ridiculous way  where there is a total breakdown in the character development of grace  where this matronly figure suddenly becomes merely a cartoon figure instead of live flesh and blood . there are a lot of silly giggles that come forth and the film has just enough of an acting performance by brenda blethyn to breathe air into it before it comes to its belated finale  as it drones on with its transparently gratuitous upbeat tone  until it makes the audience feel good that the sweet old lady succeeded . this ', unhip ', film leaves one with the impression that smoking and growing pot is silly  but should be tolerated as something naughty middle - aged widows screwed by their terrible former husbands must do in order not to remain destitute . ummm !
neg " love to kill " starts off aimlessly and gets progressively less coherent as time passes . at the outset  the movie appears to be about tony danza  who ', s an illegal distributor of guns  trying to establish a relationship with an unsuspecting woman . danza sets up a double date with her  her sister  and a collegue of his . everything seems to be going well  until the sister accidentally dies by falling down a set of stairs . much confusion and mahem ensues  as the death is covered up and other associates of danza ', s begin to emerge  all after one thing or another . sound confusing ? it is . i think what the filmmakers were trying to do is take the standard crime movie and throw in a little humour and levity . in some respects  it works . but the majority of the film is a convoluted and confusing mess . characters keep popping up with no explanation  demanding money for deals that occur off - screen . the only aspect of the movie that actually works is the budding relationship between danza and the dead woman ', s sister . but so little time is devoted to this part of the story  we never really become too familiar with these characters  and because of this  we don ', t really care what happens to them . well  i didn ', t  at least . one thing i will give the movie is that it ', s a complete departure for tony danza . here ', s a guy  because of his many sitcom roles  who ', s ingrained in the consciousness as a nice guy who always does the right thing . here  he plays a man who ', s just looking out for himself  and if that means he needs to kill in order to save his own skin  so be it . i was very impressed by his performance  and within minutes of the start of the film  i had forgotten all about his good - guy persona . michael madsen is also good as an associate of danza ', s who spends half the movie buddying up to him and the other half trying to kill him . like i said  it ', s not exactly a linear storyline . " love to kill " should be praised for trying to do something different with the well worn crime genre  but it ', s just too bad that the story doesn ', t really add up to much . the stars deserved better  and so did the audience .
neg whether you like the beatles or not  nobody wants to see the bee gee ', s take on some of the fab four ', s best known songs . well  maybe that ', s not true . . . maybe you ', re curious  the way you have to look in your hanky after you blow your nose . you just have to know how bad bad can be . if that ', s the case  rejoice  because it was twenty years ago today ( or so ) that sgt . pepper ', s lonely hearts club band was released ( unleashed ? ) to the world  and thanks to our modern technological advances  you can find this retched piece of filmmaking on vhs . derived from the lyrics of various beatles ', songs  sgt . pepper ', s tells the story of the fictitious band made popular from the song ( and album ) of the same name  released in 1967 . of course  the movie was made eleven years later  the gibbs three have become the lonely hearts  peter frampton is the one and only billy shears  and aside from being about a rock band  the story doesn ', t correlate to the song at all . and oh  what joy - we ', re the lovely audience they ', d like to take home with them . i don ', t think so . but at least these characters are actually * people * in a beatles ', song  whereas other characters such as strawberry fields ( sandy farina ) gets her name from a song about a * place * called strawberry fields . the debate over this is really quite futile when it comes down to it  because all the film really has to offer is a feast of horrid cover tunes  embarrassing cameo appearances ( george burns ? ! steve martin ? ! ? alice cooper ? ! ? ! )  and uuuuuuggggggglllllllyyyyy 70 ', s fashion and faces . check please ! the plot is a bit unclear . people with bad 70 ', s hair run around in leisure suits engaging in music video sequences that look like a sick and twisted world of make - believe from an overly demented mr . rogers . mean mr . mustard ( frankie howerd ) somehow gets hold of all billy & co . ', s instruments  calling dr . maxwell edison ( steve martin with a silver hammer and an out - of - key singing voice )  the sun king  marvin sunk ( alice cooper ! )  and a couple of creepy robots to his aid . supposedly this is a horrible thing ? i guess in heartland  the talent is pretty non - existent . meanwhile  the lonely hearts are off doing the classic " sex  drugs  and rock n ', roll " thing  leaving poor strawberry fields without her true love  billy . she sets out to find him  leaving her poor dad and mom ( mrs . fields ! hey  wanna cookie ? ) all alone to sing a horrible rendition of " she ', s leaving home "  accompanied by those same creepy robots . but is billy getting it on with lucy ( dianne steinberg ) ? ya know  the diamond possessing girl who hangs out in the sky ? well  there ', s some crazy chick singing soprano on the roof of a building next to a bus stop  and i assume that ', s who it was . it ', s movies like this that make ya sit back and ask the unanswerable question  " what the hell were they thinking ? ? ? " nobody will ever know  but as a novelty  sgt . pepper ', s is one to examine . carol channing  robert palmer  keith carradine - they ', re all here . but why ? ? ? ? who knows . it ', s irrelevant . there ', s as much meaning to be found here as there is to be found in your belly - button lint  although the latter may be more interesting . with the recent onslaught of 70 ', s nostalgia in the movie world ( the ice storm  boogie nights  reissues of the star wars trilogy  etc . )  let ', s pray this doesn ', t get a special 20th anniversary  second - chance in theaters . in the words of paul mccartney  live and let die . in fact  bury this one while you still can .
neg warning : spoilers are included in this review . . . but it doesn ', t really make much of a difference . deep impact begins the official summer movie season  and it also brings back memories of 1997 . remember when dante ', s peak came out in february ? a few months later  volcano was released . the first film was smart  exhilirating  and one of the best disaster films i had ever seen . the latter film was an incohesive mess that defied logic and wasted talent . well  it ', s deja vu all over again as two disaster films go head to head in competition . this time  unfortunately  the first comet flick is so bad that people may shy away from armageddon  the upcoming comet - disaster to be released the beginning of july . of course  the general reaction of the audience was oppposed to mine  and so i am in the minority  as i was when i stood on the side of dante ', s peak . but while watching deep impact  i began to wonder how anyone in their right mind could actually like this film . apparently many did  and it utterly baffles me . to be completely honest  i haven ', t had this little fun watching a disaster film in my entire life . volcano had implausibilities up the wazoo  but it was still rather fun to watch . deep impact doesn ', t just have implausibilities  it also contains cheap human drama  incredibly horrible special effects  and a poorly constructed plot . the only thing that gives it a half star above my bottom ranking is a slightly entertaining final fifteen minutes and some good actors making the most of their characters . deep impact begins in an unnamed year ( the year varies ; advanced technology sets it in the future  but fire in the sky is showing on a local movie theater  pushing it back to 1993 ) . a line of students is outside at night  peering through telescopes at the dark sky above . among these are leo biederman ( elijah wood ) and sarah hotchner ( leelee sobieski ) . leo unknowingly discovers a comet  and his teacher sends a photo of the unknown object to an astronomer  who then is able to determine the correct path of this distant comet in about a few seconds . he races off to mail the information  but is killed in a reckless car accident . a year passes  and nothing is heard about it again . we are then introduced to jenny lerner ( t ? a leoni )  a reporter for msnbc . she gets handed a job to investigate a possible cover - up in the government involving senator alan rittenhouse ( james cromwell ) . she talks to a woman who mentions that rittenhouse was having an affair with a girl named ellie . after talking with rittenhouse  and unsatisfied with the information she gets  she decides to use the internet for help . luckily  she knows exactly how to spell the certain " ellie " that she is looking for ( they spell it ele in the film . . . that girl is pretty darn smart for guessing how it was spelled ) . before she can use the information  the government decides to push her car off the road . they take her in to meet the president of the united states  president beck ( morgan freeman ) . beck recommends that jenny keep the information secret for 48 hours so they can confirm it and then hold a press conference . naturally  she wants to be compensated  and they offer her a front row seat and the chance for the first question . and so  yada yada yada  they reveal the comet to the public and their plans : send a massive spacecraft out to destroy it before it can arrive . they announce a plan called " ark  " which is their only hope for survival . a computer will select 800  000 people at random . these people are the ones who will go into a large cave underground so that the impact of the comet won ', t kill off the entire human race . after two years  the dust will settle ( actually  it would take much  much longer -- approximately ninety years  from what i understand ) and the humans could come back to the surface and start over . the rest of the plot is your standard disaster film procedures  but there is one subplot worth mentioning . jenny and her father  jason ( maximilian schell )  have a very touching relationship that forms out of the impending doom . the final moment involving the two characters is heartfelt and emotional . it ', s a shame that nothing else is heartfelt . now  of course  we all know that the comet does impact the surface . the title alone suggests it  and the previews actually show it ! by doing this  absoltuely no tension can be drawn from any attempt to stop the comet because we all know that it won ', t work . director mimi leder came from her successful tries at direction with episodes of the hit television show " er . " her major film debut was the peacemaker  a pathetic and heartless action film . well  this time leder outdid herself  creating a film worse than that one . suggestion to ms . leder : please  stay away from the big screen  or at least the action genre . much of the blame can be placed on leder directly  because the pace is disastrously off . throughout the film we are given subtitles that tell us how much time has passed ( it goes from months to weeks to hours ) . it literally feels like this lapsed time is taking place in real - time -- it ', s that boring . of course  leder isn ', t all to blame for it . screenwriters michael tolkin and bruce joel rubin have crafted a simplistic story that only gets worse with time . what starts out promising soon turns deadly ( for the audience anyway ) . chock full of cheesy one liners ( " you know  you are going to have more sex than anyone else in school ! " ) and stupid characters  you might think we were back in the 70s again . only one of the subplots is remotely interesting  while the rest are forgettable and boring . and the main plot is so outrageous that you can ', t figure out if this film is supposed to be an action  drama  or sci - fi . to put it simply : the special effects of this film are a hit and miss situation . that ', s right  80 % miss  and 20 % hit . scenes above the earth are well done  and the orbiting ship is majestic . but the comet is a huge mistake  making it more laughable than frightening . the concept of even trying to land on a comet is preposterous enough  but that ', s forgiveable . what isn ', t forgiveable is actually having humans walk on the surface . give me a break  will ya ? and of course  the much hyped collision of comet and earth . well  it is far from spectacular  and it makes independence day look brilliant . the water rushing towards the land is effective  but once it hits the continent  the effects turn ridiculous . cgi water is used  and it looks so bad that i heard more laughs from the audience than shrieks . in fact  i may even recommend the film for those who want to see how bad effects can actually get these days . just when we think visual effects can ', t be improved  along comes a film to show that they really can and should be . one thing has struck a wrong note with me concerning mimi leder ', s direction  which also influences the actors . leder loves to show the actors ', faces before and during moments of terror . this reminded me of another action director  renny harlin ( die hard 2  cliffhanger ) . but harlin succeeds because he shows the faces of the victims in realistic situations . leder likes to flaunt people ', s fears via their faces  but instead of coming off as sympathetic  leder seems more of a sadist . one moment has an astronaut flying off into space . this should be enough to warrant a response from the audience  but leder wants to go farther and shows us the person ', s face while drifting into space . this is one of the cheapest ways to ellicit an emotional response from an audience  and i  for one  am not going to be fooled . on another note  leder ', s film only picks up its pace during the last fifteen minutes when the comet actually impacts . the pace does pick up  and some very emotional moments are shown . then again  when you watch people cry for their loved ones  it ', s obvious it will be emotional . it ', s mostly just a big trick to rope viewers into " feeling " for the characters  but it didn ', t work for me . but anyway  the actors do as much as they can with what they are given . t ? a leoni ( bad boys  tv ', s " the naked truth " ) is the best of the film  and she is given the meatiest role . her character is made stronger by leoni ', s presence  and we grow to care for her . robert duvall is energetic and fun to watch  but his character is turned into shreds by the plot . elijah wood also comes off rather successfully  but he still hasn ', t had many good roles ( wood  stick to drama ! you are too talented for this stuff ) . vanessa redgrave is barely acknowledgeable  and her performance is only enhanced by her strong presence on screen . maximilian schell is distracting  but he does provide some nice humor . morgan freeman has been infinitely better than this  and gives one of his most shallow performances to date ( which is quite remarkable for him ) . leelee sobieski could have been better  but i think she just suffered from a poorly written character . a special note should go to ron eldard and denise crosby . eldard is good in his role  but is limited by the plot . crosby is special to me personally because she was tasha yar from tv ', s " star trek : the next generation . " seeing her was one of the highlights of the film . overall  a very talented cast virtually wasted . deep impact is rated pg - 13 for disaster related elements and brief language . this is one of the worst films of the year  and if it is any omen of things to come  this summer could be one of the worst ever . luckily  the x - files movie is coming up  and hopefully armageddon will be more successful . it ', s a shame that this film will do so successfully because it just isn ', t worth much . costing nearly $ 75 million  with special effects done by the illustrious ilm ( which is a huge shocker )  and with a score composed by oscar - winner james horner ( titanic )  one might have expected this to be more fun to witness and experience . well  it ', s not . when the comet does hit the earth  you almost wish it could just take this film along with it .
neg my first press screening of 1998 and already i ', ve gotten a prime candidate for my worst ten of the year list . what an auspicious beginning ! welcome to the dog days of winter when the only film openings of merit are those oscar contenders that the studios opened in late december in new york and l . a . and which are just now beginning to appear elsewhere . firestorm  the directorial debut of dances with wolves ', s academy award winning cinematographer dean semler  is the first of the new year ', s crop of movies . as our story opens  the movie pretentiously informs us that of the tens of thousands of firefighters only 400 are " smokejumpers . " we then cut to a plane load of smoke jumping cowboys and one cowgirl  where one of the gung - ho guys is taking a romance quiz from " cosmopolitan . " having the time of their lives  they then jump into the middle of a burning forest . when  even in the beginning  the director can ', t get the small parts right  you can sense the movie is in trouble . with the noisy fire roaring all about them and with the trapped people huddled near their gasoline - filled cars  smokejumper monica ( christianne hirt ) tells them to get away from their soon - to - explode vehicles . not bothering to shout nor even get close to them  she announces her warning without raising her voice much or approaching the people . miraculously  they manage to hear her and move away . in a movie that specializes in cheap shots  the camera locates the proverbial young girl trapped in a nearby burning building . as it does throughout  overly dramatic cinematographer stephen f . windon from the postman uses extremely fast zooms right down to the endangered girl ', s face . our show ', s two heroes  the crew ', s chief  wynt perkins  played laconically by scott glenn  and his second - in - command  jesse graves  played by howie long in a weak attempt to be the next steven seagal  enter the burning house looking for the little girl . in a panic they have difficulty in locating her before they are engulfed in flames . the manipulative script has her hidden in her own dollhouse . this mawkish show cuts back to monica  who has a life - or - death decision to make . the chopper with the fire - retardant chemicals has only enough to save one group . will it be the large group near the cars or the helpless little girl and monica ', s two firefighting buddies ? she has only seconds to decide who will be saved . yes  she goes for the majority  but  miracle of miracles  the other three come out alive anyway . not content with a traditional firefighting story  chris soth ', s screenplay attempts to jazz it up by having william forsythe from palookaville play a vicious killer named randy earl shaye who sets a forest fire so that he can join the crew to put it out and then escape . ( " hoods in the woods  " is what the " ground - pounders " yell out when the convicts are bused in to help them fight the fire . ) along the way  shaye picks up an ornithologist hostage played by suzy amis  who turns out to have been trained in warrior ways by her father  who was a marine drill instructor . most of the highly predictable movie is a long chase in which poor howie long is given one ridiculous stunt after another to look silly performing . he flings a chain saw backwards over his head while riding a speeding motorcycle so that the saw can hit the windshield of the pursuing truck . arguably the low point is when he escapes from a locked burning building by riding a motorcycle conveniently parked inside . using a ramp  he shoots straight out of the top of the building ', s attic  and when he hits the ground  he just rides off in a cloud of dust . when the film isn ', t using some stock footage of actual forest fires  the simulated ones look hokey . editor jack hofstra cheapens the action even more by his use of burning flames in scene transitions . the ending  with its sick twists  manages to be even worse than the rest of the movie . perhaps the best that can be said for the picture is the faint praise i heard afterwards in the lobby  " it ', s not as bad as some of the television sitcoms . " firestorm runs mercifully just 1 : 29 . it is rated r for violence and language and would be acceptable for teenagers .
neg ever since wargames  the first real computer hacking movie  hollywood has attempted to produce more and more films about hacking . these films usually show the audience a look into computers that really is not impossible and is usually ridiculous . if it ', s not this  the exaggeration about what is real is usually greater than you would expect . hackers is guilty of all of these crimes . to anyone familiar with computers and / or the internet  most of the movie is so incredibly stupid that you can ', t take it anymore . those of you who frequent one of the greatest sites on the world wide web  the internet movie database  are probably aware of the section for movies entitled " goofs " . this is the section for mistakes in the movies . well  imdb sums up hackers extremely well with the first goof listed : " generally ill - informed and ridiculous to the extreme regarding the capabilities of computers and technology " . and truthfully  this is one - hundred percent correct . the plot  obviously  centers around computer hacking . more specifically  it follows the exploits of dade murphy  a young computer hacker played by jonny lee miller . miller should be extremely thankful for the film trainspotting  because if it were not for that  who knows where his career would be now after hackers . the film opens with a young dade murphy being arrested for hacking computer systems . he was forbidden to use a computer until he turned eighteen years old . the film then picks up at that point  an eighteen year old dade murphy hacking away at the computer . dade later meets up with fellow hackers acid burn ( angelina jolie )  cereal killer ( matthew lillard )  lord nikon ( laurence mason )  and the phantom phreak ( renoly santiago )  who are basically trying to do what is next to impossible : hack the gibson computer and not get caught by the fbi . oh  and as a little sub - plot  dade also tries to woo acid burn  the only female hacker in the film . really  i can ', t think of much more to say about the film ', s plot aside from what i ', ve said . it ', s just a bunch of computer geeks ( no  obsessive compulsive computer geeks a little too advanced for reality ) running around hacking computers and staying away from the fbi . thanks to this movie  the public unfamiliar with computers now has a distorted viewpoint of computers and what they can do . this movie makes computers look a little bit too advanced for their time  and the frivolous suggestions it makes are too many to list . to sum it up  hackers is a terrible computer film . if you ', re looking for a film about computers closer to what goes on in the real world  i suggest sneakers . although at times it too may seem a little far fetched  it should be much more believable than hackers to regular computer users . hopefully  this film didn ', t influence too many young computer users out to think they can do what is portrayed in this 105 minute waste of time .
neg if there ', s one thing i just can ', t stand  it ', s a film that oozes with sentimentality . here ', s a note to all film makers : films are more effective when the emotions of the characters speak for themselves . swelling  saddening music is not a good way to tell us that the people in the film are unhappy  and that the situation is hopeless . alas  my giant is a film that uses manipulative sentimentality so frequently and with such high intensity that i forgot as i watched it that there are other ways of getting audience members choked up . what reminded me was that i wasn ', t choked up  or even the slightest bit moved  for that matter . my giant is a forced  contrived  and conspicuously un - cute ( i detest the word " cute " but i ', ve chosen to use it because the makers clearly wanted to create a " cute " film here ) . it takes a premise that might have been interesting ( i liked the preview )  and bogs it down with endless plot turns and cliches  all of which are intended to get some kind of easy emotional rise from the audience . maybe it will work for some people . it didn ', t work for me . billy crystal plays sam cayman  an agent who  at the beginning of the film  is in romania . he ', s in romania because the kid actor he made famous is doing a film . the screenplay has him in romania so he can get fired  get in a car accident  and get saved by an enormous individual who stands almost eight feet tall . his name is max ( gheorghe muresan )  and sam thinks he ', d be a great movie star because of his size . subplots are as follows : sam has a son and a wife ( kathleen quinlan )  and he ', s never around for them  so they move to chicago . max is in love with a woman named lilianna who moved away from romania twenty years before the film begins . sam convinces max to go back to america with him so they can make lots of money  and so their various subplots can all be resolved . sam is broke . max is dying . pass the kleenex . my giant  as a comedy  is only moderately funny . it has its moments  the best of which features steven seagal making fun of himself . in one great scene  sam gets his son on the phone to talk to seagal ; of course  his son doesn ', t believe that he ', s actually speaking to seagal  and he goes off about how bad of an actor he is ( i would quote the line i like but it would probably lose its effect ) . crystal is always entertaining  and he has a few good lines here ( some of which are subtle throwaways that many will miss entirely ) ; often  however  he ', s countered by a slew of jokes that aren ', t funny  and cause an involuntary rolling of the eyes . muresan is kind of fun to watch  but he just can ', t act very well . quinlan  on the other hand  is a great actress who needs to get a role that shows off her talents . she was underused last year in both event horizon and breakdown  but at least in those films she had moments in which she could show us her stuff . here  the best thing she gets to do is fake a romanian accent . all of these disappointing ingredients create a film that  for much of its running time  is simply mediocre . as my giant lumbers to its inevitable conclusion  however  director michael lehmann ( who did a great job directing the underrated hudson hawk ) and scriptwriter david seltzer pile on every cliche imaginable  each one intended specifically to pull at our heartstrings . sam ', s multiple engagements with his family are all completely hackneyed ( how about a main character who has a healthy relationship with his family ? ) . later  it turns out the entire story is supposed to be a great big metaphor signifying sam ', s reunion with his family . and some people might think that what sam does for max towards the end is a valiant thing  but i had a few morality problems with it ( and i apologize for being vague ) . it ', s icky . it drips with gooey  wannabe human emotions . my giant could have been a straightforward and funny family film . more importantly  it could have been moving on a level far deeper than it is . instead  it ', s a complicated  overlong  and under - engaging film that elicits too few laughs and strives for superficial tears . and since it left me feeling completely unmoved  i stand by my position that sentimentality is evil and will ultimately destroy the world .
neg this is not a simple plan about finding a plane load of money and getting away with the cash . this is more about a parable of greed  and how money can become the bane of your life . yes  there are elements of ? fargo ', here ( the snow and cold )  although not as vivid in the blood and gore department . it shows how greed can set of a chain of events leading to death and the destruction of lives . and how at the end of the day  the things that matter most are love  truth and honesty . although in one sense it may seem tedious  making a movie about the ugliness of greed ( not box office material )  it does become tedious  not because of the morale ending  but because one expects the movie to end that way . this becomes apparent after the first murder to cover up the crime  the rest of the movie just spirals downward from there . the characters in this drama are a mixture of simple and intellectual folk  brothers and friends  who all fall prey to the avarice of money . they should have perhaps thrown in someone sensible  level headed and not affected by greed to give the party more balance . commendable is the exceptional performance of billy bob thornton  whose portrayal of the simpleton brother was masterful . bill paxton also gives a powerful performance as the greedier younger brother  whilst bridget fonda is convincing as the greediest wife  who indirectly causes the most problems . fill a room full of greedy people and several million dollars  and you will end up with a simple recipe for a blood bath . it ', s not a simple plan  when you shoot everyone you love for money  unless you ', re the menendez brothers .
neg based on the 1960s tv series that i had never seen or heard of before this movie ( be happy  i won ', t bore you with any lame and unnecessary comparisons )  this film allows will smith to take a third stab at the independence day weekend box - office  after scoring huge successes with men in black ( 7 / 10 )  directed by the same man who controlled this one  and independence day ( 6 / 10 ) . can you say . . . the third times not a charm ? plot : james west and artemus gordon are chosen by the president to find the man responsible for the kidnapping of the nation ', s top scientists  and threatening to take over the united states within a week . critique : i did not laugh once during this entire picture . when you consider that this film is a part - comedy  that ', s not a very good sign . i also did not tense up or particularly enjoy any of its unenergetic action sequences which provided me with little more than a few minutes time to think back to the lovely salma hayek scenes . when you consider that the other " part " of this film is geared as an action / adventure  i would say that this another negative sign . and when you consider that the first hour of the film was boring and a little slow  the story - line tired  reminiscent of swiss cheese and uninvolving  and the special effects interesting but worth very little inside a plot filled with lame one - liners  weak characterizations and an anti - climactic end  you pretty much have the gist of my impression of this " big " summer blockbuster . it blows . or as they say in french  " eet blows " . could it be that the script was crappy because it took four people to write it ? maybe . could it be that most of the special effects don ', t show up until the last half hour  and even then  we don ', t see anything that its trailers hadn ', t already given away ? perhaps . or could it be that we have come to expect so much more from will smith and hollywood big - budget movies  that we cannot help but evaluate them on a scale onto their own ? naaaaaaah ! a bad movie is a bad movie . on a positive note  i could honestly say that i did very much enjoy the lovely performance by the adorable salma hayek  who seemed underused ( in my humble opinion )  and lit up every bubbly scene that she was hardly in . branagh was also fun as the scenery - munching  over - the - top bad guy  but that ', s pretty much where the entertainment - buck stopped . smith and kline were static at best  the plot full of holes  and the score insignificant and derivative of a dozen others . i would strongly advise anyone not to see this movie . then again  there is that one scene with the lovely salma hayek tied up in a cage . . . huh . . . oh yeah  but the rest of the movie sucked . little known facts about this film and its stars : will smith has starred in two of the ten all - time top grossing films worldwide : 1997 ', s summer blockbuster men in black ( 7 / 10 )  for which he also recorded the grammy - winning title song  and 1996 ', s independence day ( 6 / 10 ) . he once turned down a scholarship to mit to pursue his singing career . kevin kline is a graduate of the juilliard school of drama  and has been married to the cute - as - a - button actress phoebe cates since 1989 . they have two kids together  greta simone and owen . one of the buildings that gets blown up in this film has " kasdan " written on it . lawrence kasdan is a director known to have worked with kevin on five of his movies  including the big chill  silverado  i love you to death  grand canyon and french kiss . salma hayek gave up a successful career as a major television star in latin america and moved to the united states to start over  even though she spoke no english . she made her feature film debut as an actress with a small role in allison anders ', mi vida loca ( no  not the rickie martin video ! ) and played her first starring role in robert rodriguez ', s desperado opposite antonio banderas . since then  she has made an appearance in each one of rodriguez ', s films . she stands 5 ', 2 "  was born in southeast mexico  and the daughter of a lebanese father and a mexican mother . one of the actresses cast as branagh ', s lovely but lethal beauties includes bail ling  a stage and screen star in her native china who was last seen starring opposite dick gere in red corner ( 7 / 10 ) . another is dutch - born frederique van der wal  who is one of the world ', s most recognized supermodels  having graced the cover of cosmopolitan numerous times  as well as harper ', s bazaar  vogue and mademoiselle .
neg in the line of duty is the critically praised series of television movies dealing with the real - life incidents that claimed lives of law enforcement officers in usa . the twilight murders  another one from the series  is dealing with the case of gordon kahl ( played by rod steiger )  old farmer from north dakota who would rather spend a year in prison than pay taxes to the despised u . s . government . after being released  he still refuses to pay taxes and the warrant is issued for his arrest . when the u . s . marshals come to arrest him  it turns out that kahl isn ', t alone . many poor farmers in rural northwest share his extremist anti - government beliefs  and the routine operation turns into shootout that would leave federal officers that . that brings fbi on the scene  and agent mayberly ( michael gross ) is supervising the manhunt . however  his efforts seem fruitless  since kahl still has many supporters  some of them even in the local law enforcement . after betrayed  1988 thriller by costa gavras  hollywood mostly ignored the disturbing trends of rising right - wing extremism in the american northwest  and that remained so until oklahoma city bombing  when media hype brought right - wingers back into spotlight . until that time  only the television movies like this one bothered to pay attention to that phenomenon . unfortunately  the twilight murders is still routine and formulaic television film  that uses sensationalist real life content in order to cover lack of originality in the script . sometimes  like many american tv movies  it creates drama where drama shouldn ', t be . on the other hand  film is steadily directed by dick lowry  and rod steiger does good job potraying gordon kahl . on the other hand  michael gross as his pursuer is quite wooden and his interaction with some of the actors is terrible . however  film does deal with potentially thought - provoking social and political issues  so hour and half spent in front of the screen shouldn ', t be the total waste of time .
neg * * * the following review contains spoilers * * * " it ', s just . . . the way . . . we are . " --- a rapist ( matt frewer ) responds to supergirl ', s ( helen slater ) query as to why she ', s being attacked  an example of the mind - numbingly bad dialogue in supergirl . i ', ll admit it . . . i love superman iii . i know it ', s hated amongst the superman faithful who dismiss it as nothing more than a vehicle for richard pryor  but i still think it ', s a worthy addition to the man of steel franchise . supergirl  a spin - off film of sorts from the series ', same producers ( alexander and ilya salkind )  doesn ', t even rival superman iii in terms of quality  let alone superman or superman ii . supergirl lost me from the opening scenes and went steadily downhill for the rest of its two hour plus running time . as the film begins we see the residents of argo city  a commune like place consisting of refugees from krypton which resides in " inner space "  go about their daily lives . ok . . . what ? so these are exiles from krypton  which blew up right ? were they living there before krypton exploded ? how do you get to " inner space " ? this whole " inner space " notion is never explained  particularly in terms of how these people get information from the outside world . how do they know where superman went ? how do they know he took the name clark kent and now works at the daily planet ? these kinds of things frustrate the hell out of me . argo city is kept running by a power source called the omegahedron . one day the founder of argo city  zaltar ( peter o ', toole )  gives the omegahedron to superman ', s cousin  kara ( helen slater )  for use as inspiration in her art . kara uses it to create a bug - like thing which immediately crashes through the layer of " whatever " that protects the city . in the chaos  the omegahedron sails out through the opening  dooming the argonians to death . . . in three days time  or something . kara then climbs into a pod which zaltar had designed for interdimensional travel and chases after the omegahedron to save her world . the power source travels directly to earth and lands in the bowl of dip belonging to a minor - league witch named selena ( faye dunaway ) who  immediately before her dip was ruined  announced her desires to rule the world to her sometimes warlock boyfriend nigel ( peter cook ) . selena somehow knows that this ball from the sky will help her with her evil plans  and she sets out to achieve world domination . selena is unaware of course that kara has also arrived on earth  and that she ', s arrived as supergirl ( complete with appropriate costume ) . supergirl emerges from the bottom of a lake when she arrives . ok . . . huh ? why does the omegahedron fall from the sky but supergirl shoots out of the bottom of a lake ? attention movie : explain yourself ! i ', m sorry  i can only suspend disbelief so much . i can ', t buy into any of this nonsense just because the movie wants me to . knowing that she needs a secret identity  supergirl basically " wills " herself into a school girl outfit ( complete with a different hairstyle )  picks the alias linda lee and enrolls into school . she ', s given her dorm assignment  and who happens to be her roommate ? lois lane ', s sister  lucy . ok  coincidence is one thing folks  but we ', re getting really contrived now . what follows are some generic all - girls school hijinks . . . complete with evil bully girls ( mean for no reason  of course ) and even a shower scene ( ! ) . best moment though comes when supergirl decides to put a bra on over her school uniform and starts stuffing it with socks . at this point i ', m rapidly wondering why i ', m bothering with this nonsense . there is some credit to give to the film however . one lengthy and elaborate sequence featuring an " evil " bulldozer destroying a small town in search of its " prey " is very well done . also  its commendable to see genders reversed in the film  whereas the women have all the power and the men are merely objects and tools . hart bochner ( die hard ) is particularly fun as kara ', s love interest  a lovesick landscaper who is under a spell cast by selena ( although he is unfortunately part of one of the film ', s more ridiculous moments  when he has to be rescued from being tapped by some " menacing " bumper cars ) . then there were numerous little things that bothered me . the flying effects are never convincing for a moment . . . it ', s all too obvious that helen slater is hooked to wires . instead of having her look like she ', s flying  the filmmakers wanted her to be " graceful "  so she poses a lot and does ballet - type maneuvers . also  who are the first two humans to meet supergirl when she arrives on earth ? a pair of truck drivers / rapists who immediately attack her and then meet a " wacky " demise . there is also some rampant product placement in the film  most notably for popeye ', s  tylenol  and a & w root beer  with the latter actually putting its logo on the t - shirt of one of the rapists ( ? ! ) . finally  just one word : monsters . faye dunaway and peter o ', toole ham it up unmercifully  however when o ', toole overacts he ', s entertaining and when dunaway does it she ', s annoying ( her character actually says the line " seize them ! " at one point ) . dunaway ', s henchmen ( played by peter cook and brenda vaccaro ) fare much better  with vaccaro coming off best as the equivalent of ned beatty ', s otis character from the first two superman movies . helen slater effectively portrays supergirl as the innocent  naive character she ', s written to be  as she ', s able to gaze at flowers and bunnies with the right amount of genuine wonder to make it believable . believability aside though  it ', s still annoying . now despite all this negativity ( and i ', m not alone here . . . supergirl is not a well liked nor a well respected movie in many circles )  leave it to the good people at anchor bay entertainment to actually make people not only interested  but excited about its release on dvd ! they have released two separate editions of the film on dvd  to the delight of many people ( including myself . . . yet i ', m still unclear as to why  since this movie is so awful ) . the first and most widely available dvd release features the international version of the film which runs 10 minutes longer than the print which ran in u . s . theaters . the movie is presented in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 2 . 35 : 1  is enhanced for 16x9 televisions  and has been remastered in full thx glory . extras on the disc include : a full length audio commentary track with director jeannot szwarc and " special project consultant " scott michael bosco  the excellent 50 - minute documentary from 1984 called supergirl - the making of a feature ( dig that workout montage ! )  5 trailers  3 tv spots  talent bios  in - depth storyboards ( accompanied by score from the movie )  and assorted still galleries . the transfer on this international version is incredible . . . you ', d think you were watching a new release . images are sharp  colors jump off the screen  and the picture is free of scratches or artifacts . only some special effects sequences show the wear of time  and there just isn ', t much that can be done about that ( unless you ', re obsessive like george lucas ) . the new thx approved audio is loud and clear in all the right places  however you ', ll be hearing absurd dialogue and a mediocre jerry goldsmith score ( which is completely unrelated to john williams ', classic superman theme and sounds better suited for a cannon films ', golan - globus production ) . the commentary track featuring director szwarc and project consultant bosco is a step in the right direction in the evolution of audio commentaries . bosco seems to be an expert in all things supergirl and is there with szwarc to ensure that there ', s no dead air on the track . bosco probes szwarc for information on virtually everyone and everything that comes onscreen  and we learn a great deal more about the film as a result of his participation . although  at times you can tell that bosco is looking for a specific response from szwarc  and is surprised when he doesn ', t get that response . we learn some fascinating tidbits on the track  most notably the " almost " appearance in the film by christopher reeve . great detail is given about superman ', s proposed role in the original script before reeve ( wisely ) dropped out . as it stands  superman is written off early on in the film when we hear a radio broadcast mention that he is billions of light years away on some sort of peace mission . for the sake of brevity  i won ', t even get into that one . szwarc also reveals that is was the conscious decision of the salkinds ( and everyone else agreed ) that supergirl needed to stand on its own  replacing the science fiction of the superman films with cutsy " whimsical fantasy " nonsense . bosco also points out scenes not in the american release as they come along  claiming that had they been in the original release it would have been a hit at the box office . again  for the sake of brevity  i won ', t even get into that one . anchor bay has also released a limited edition ( only 50  000 copies pressed ) two - disc set . disc one contains everything mentioned for the regular release . disc two features the never before seen director ', s cut of the film  which runs 138 minutes long . the additions mainly consist of scene extensions which don ', t add much of note  except for a few moments which lengthen peter o ', toole ', s screen time ( particularly during his latter appearances ) . the print is rough in spots and the sound is only in mono  but fans of the film won ', t care . one question though . . . shouldn ', t the director ', s commentary be on the director ', s cut of the film ? i ', d never seen supergirl before i sat down to watch this dvd . i was nine when it was released to theaters  and even then i was smart enough to inform my parents not to take me to see it . so when i popped the dvd into my player and sat down in my easy chair i had no idea what to expect . i knew the film wasn ', t beloved and i never had any interest in it before  but i was willing to give it a shot because of the impressive amount of work put into the disc . as the disc began to spin i was rather impressed with the opening sequence  which made me sit up and wonder if my assumptions all this time could have been wrong . come to find out however it was just the chase digital stereo logo . . . so i slunk back into my seat as the nightmare started . at the end of the film  supergirl flies back into the lake with the omegahedron  and flies back to argo city . ugh  i give up . i ', m surprised i even made it to the end of the film not once  not twice  but three times to review these discs . supergirl is definitely a terrific dvd package  but a very lousy movie . [ pg ]
neg " practical magic  " is a film that is so misguided in so many ways that it makes you wonder how such talented and high - profile actors would even get involved in an embarrassing clap - trap like this one . the film stars sandra bullock and nicole kidman as sally and gillian owens  two sisters whose family comes from a long line of witches  spanning back 200 years . at the start  their parents die when they are still children  and they go to live with their two zany aunts ( stockard channing and dianne wiest ) . switch to the present day  gillian  who is the stronger  more rebellious sibling  leaves home  and meets up with a dark  abusive guy ( goran visjnic )  while sally stays in their hometown  meets and falls in love with a sweet  caring man  has two children  and then is devastated when her husband is hit by a truck and killed ( come to think of it  she ', s not too devastated since she gets over it in about two minutes ) . when gillian calls sally to come get her after having another abusive spat with visjnic  they accidentally murder him  and in desperation  bury the body in the backyard of their aunts ', house . add to this wildly convoluted story subplots involving the dead rising and an exorcism  not to mention a spattering of " light - hearted whimsy  " and you have a pretty good idea how messy " practical magic " is . after seeing the film  i reflected that there was not even one scene  or element  that i liked or enjoyed . it is a comedy  to be sure  but all of the humor falls astoundingly flat  and the occasional dramatic moments are the least bit touching . it is not charming or entertaining in any way . and then to top it off  we ', ve got this dark  but bird - brained story of an evil spirit taking over gillian ', s body . whatever . the characters are handled terribly  and actually  most of the actors do not have the fortune of even getting to be what you could call a character . there is no reason why channing and wiest should have decided to be in this film  and in every scene involving them  they are always standing side - by - side . no attempt is made to flesh them out into actual people . the same goes for aidan quinn  as a handsome police investigator  who has the misfortune of being the romantic lead opposite bullock  even though he comes into it at around the 70 - minute mark  and once again  there is no attempt to develop their relationship  or his character  in any way . in fact  every line of dialogue in the film is in service of moving the plot along  rather than getting to know the people saying the lines . i should have know i was headed for trouble during the opening credits  when i found out the screenplay was written by the deeply hated akiva goldsman  who managed to destroy the " batman " series with " batman forever " and " batman and robin . " " practical magic " is directed by griffin dunne  primarily an actor  who last year made the contrived  clumsy romance  " addicted to love  " with meg ryan and matthew broderick . i disliked that movie quite a bit  but since " practical magic " is even worse  that can only give you a taste of what a talentless filmmaker he is . i ', d tell him to quit while he ', s ahead  but in these last two years  he ', s ultimately already buried himself .
neg nearly every film tim burton has directed has been an homage to the horror genre -- " frankenweenie  " " beetlejuice  " " batman  " " edward scissorhands  " " ed wood  " " mars attacks ! " -- yet none of them have been horror films . " sleepy hollow " is his first attempt to actually scare people . i greeted the prospect with high anticipation ; burton ', s whole career seemed to be leading up to this . i left disappointed . andrew kevin walker ', s screenplay takes only the character names from the classic short story " the legend of sleepy hollow . " in the movie ichabod crane ( johnny depp ) is a new york city police constable who is trying to introduce scientific methods of investigation to his superiors . ichabod is dispatched to the small town of sleepy hollow to investigate a series of murders . several of the town ', s leading citizens have been decapitated by the headless horseman . although he rejects the ghost story the town elders tell him  ichabod finds that the facts of the case confound his scientific reasoning . he also discovers that the killings are not random  that the victims are tied together by a secret . along the way ichabod gets help from a bewitching ( literally ) young woman ( christina ricci ) and the son of one of the murder victims ( marc pickering ) . my reaction : ho - hum . the plot is an accumulation of cliches without even the slightest touch of originality to make it interesting . that in itself is forgivable ; hollywood constantly tries to sell us used products in new packages . however  burton ', s attempts at inducing fright come off as goofy . it might be his background -- in his previous movies  goofy was the goal . along the same lines  it doesn ', t help that creature designer ( and producer ) kevin yagher has done his best work for the tongue - in - cheek tales from the crypt tv series . a witch ', s eyes and tongue shoot out like roger rabbit ', s  a tree spurts blood like it ', s in a monty python sketch  and the headless horseman . . . well  he ', s a guy without a head . . . on a horse ( boo ! ) . the performances are also awful . although he ', s impressed me with his work in other films  depp doesn ', t seem to know what to do with ichabod  and his dialogue is hampered by stilted diction that ', s supposed to pass for an 18th century accent . ricci seems to put all her effort into seeming enigmatic  which guarantees that we won ', t sympathize with her character . the actor who is revealed at the end to be the villain comes off as ridiculously cartoonish . the only pleasure generated by the cast comes from surprise cameos by christopher lee  martin landau  and christopher walken . i wonder if this movie was originally conceived as part of francis ford coppola ', s projected series of gothic adaptations  a series that produced only " bram stoker ', s dracula " and " mary shelley ', s frankenstein . " coppola is an executive producer for " sleepy hollow  " and the script reflects his interest in early forms of " moving pictures  " particularly in a toy that ichabod carries which blends two pictures to create an optical illusion . ( there ', s a bird on one side of the card  a cage on the other . when the card is flipped rapidly  the bird appears to be caged . ) bottom line : the hollow isn ', t the only thing that ', s sleepy .
neg annie wilson ( cate blanchett )  a widow who struggles to raise her children in a small town in georgia is asked for help by local authorities in solving the case of a missing woman . annie is something of a psychic  she has involuntary bouts with the supernatural where she can see the past and the future and physically feel the actions happenning to her she envisions . her " gift " leads to the arrest of a nasty wife beater who may or may not have killed the pretty rich girl found in the swamp on his property . in an ultra conservative backwoods town will her testimony based on her psychic visions hold up in court ? do they even have the right man ? what ', s good about it : aside from keanu reeves giving one of the best performances of his career as the loathable redneck donnie barksdale  there is little else going for the film . what ', s not so good about it : lame  unoriginal screenplay . predictable ending . suspense scenes that are just plain boring . ridicously trite characterization makes the entire south out to be ingnorant  hateful goobers . relentless in its emotional sensationaliztion . overall critique : " the gift " is one of those movies that makes you wonder where you ', ve seen this story before . it ', s a collection of every cliche and stereotype of the south ever made  and coming from a yankee like me who dislikes the south that ', s really saying something . for an established  talented director sam raimi is unable to provide any kind of originality to this film . it ', s predictable from the first scene  the screenplay is written like a rip - off of a photocopied bootlegged play . you know that as nasty as the murder suspect is he didn ', t actually do it . it ', s no surprise either who the real villain turns out to be and what their motive was . sigh  how trite . for a supernatural thriller this is neither scary nor intense because it ', s so cliche . " the gift " is basically a glorified b - movie .
neg note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . i was incredulous when i first heard that mgm was planning a sequel to their 1995 science - fiction flick species . squandering an intriguing premise  the original film turned out to be a dreadful mess  widely disliked by both audiences and critics alike -- and nonetheless still somehow succeeded in becoming a financial success  raking in over $ 60 million domestic during the competitive summer season despite a distinct lack of star power in its cast ( ben kingsley ', s a splendid actor  but a marquee name he ain ', t ) . miraculously dodging the bullet with the first film  i doubted that they ', d dare tempt fate and go for another round . so here comes species ii  with a new creative team ( director peter medak and screenwriter chris brancato step in for roger donaldson and dennis feldman  respectively ) that fails to improve the series one iota -- like its predecessor  species ii fails to capitalize on a potentially promising kernel and instead runs the gamut from ridiculously silly to unmitigatedly stupid . the film follows the exploits of a young man  patrick ross ( justin lazard )  whose sole focus is on cruising along the streets in order to pick up women  loitering in strip clubs  and generally trying to bed as many different ladies as he possibly can . in other words  patrick is like a lot of guys ; these activities could describe the everyday routines of a huge percentage of men his age  but there ', s a catch -- he ', s an astronaut who recently returned from a seemingly successful mission to mars  and who ', s now infected with alien dna . patrick ', s overriding compulsion : to mate and sire countless numbers of gooey little alien offspring . and when he becomes aware of eve ( natasha henstridge )  a half - human  half - alien clone of the monster from the first film being studied in a government lab  patrick ', s primary focus turns to her -- " if these two were to mate  the resulting pure strain of offspring would be unstoppable " warns dr . laura baker ( marg helgenberger  gamely reprising her role ) with admirable conviction . species ii opens with the mars mission  and the space scenes are remarkably unconvincing and hokey - looking  even splicing back to dated  grainy footage of actual spacecraft activities -- they really skimped on production values this time around . however  this all looks positively inspired when compared to the first appearance of the evil alien goo which ultimately infests patrick ; watching as it slinks around the command module of the spaceship  any question as to whether or not this is a cheesy b - movie is quickly answered . mr . brancato ', s original screenplay is filled with outrageous lines which often leaves the audience in stitches . like the first film ( and perhaps in homage to it )  there ', s a real penchant for dialogue which underlines the obvious . last time around featured the hootworthy line uttered by forest whitaker ', s psychic empath character upon entering a bloodsoaked room -- " something bad happened here . " this time  laura gets to stand over a fresh  shredded corpse with its entails ripped out and mutter " this is awful . " and she ', s not even empathic ! and when a psychotically horny patrick accosts a supermarket shopper and drags her kicking and screaming behind the building in a woefully - paced suspense sequence  eve  who ', s telepathically linked to her alien / human - hybrid counterpart ( whatever )  helpfully tells our alien - hunting protagonists  " he ', s going to rape her . " while species ii is often unintentionally hilarious  at least it occasionally demonstrates a sense of humour of its own . there ', s an amusing  tongue - in - cheek bit of product placement ( which doesn ', t really make much sense  but i appreciated the sentiment )  as well as some supermarket - related hijinx ( " he ', s in aisle 1 ! " informs eve ) . if the film maintained this sort of light - hearted tone  it would have been much more charming and enjoyable to watch  but  to its detriment  it instead takes its silly plot far too seriously and barrels along to a bloody  effects - ladened anticlimactic conclusion . much of the film fails to make a whole lot of sense  and there are such gaping plot holes that it ', s terribly difficult to contain any suspension of disbelief . the implausibilities are endless : what about the toxic bomb in eve ', s brain ? why are the guards armed with guns when they already know firearms are ineffectual ? my favourite was the slow - motion sequence in the film where eve  sporting superhuman strength  is shown tossing aside guards who are attempting to contain her with what look like body blocks . this is the sort of movie which leaves you holding your head in amazed disbelief  incredulous that it ', s being foisted upon the public . returning headlines michael madsen ( who reprises tough guy press lennox ) and ms . helgenberger do what they can with this goofy screenplay  but there ', s realistically only so much one can do with this script as a basis . mykelti williamson ( portraying astronaut dennis gamble ) churns out an all - too - familiar spin on a generic brash - mouthed character  and fine character actors george dzundza ( playing colonel burgess and looking ridiculous in the process ) and james cromwell ( patrick ', s neglectful father  senator ross ) are utterly wasted in the film . mr . lazard gives his character an appropriately shifty - eyed look  while returning vixen ms . henstridge is actually given the opportunity to act in one scene ( and acquits herself nicely )  but is mostly relegated to reprising her familiar role of parading about in skimpy clothing ( or none at all ) . ms . henstridge recently commented on how some female audiences have expressed appreciation for her character in the first entry of the species series  claiming that " she ', s so empowered . " a lethal half - alien in heat who dispatches of her sexual partners in grotesque fashion -- now * that ', s * what i call empowerment .
neg the sequel to the fugitive ( 1993 )  u . s marshals is an average thriller using it ', s association with the fugitive just so it can make a few extra bucks . tommy lee jones returns to his role as chief deputy samuel gerard  the grizzly cop who was after harrison ford in the fugitive . this time  he ', s after fugitive mark sheridan ( snipes ) who the police think killed two fbi agents  but of course he ', s been set up  and when the police plane escort he ( and gerard ) are riding crashes  he makes a run for it  gerard not so hot on his tail . what follows is about 2 hours of action  brought to us by the director of executive decision ( 1995 )  another film curiously involving a plane . when comparing this movie to the fugitive  the prequel is far superior . but even on it ', s own  u . s marshals is a pretty lousy movie . while the original was reasonably intelligent  and had a fugitive to root for  the audience feels strangely distanced from snipes fugitive  mainly because we know so little about him until way into the film ', s overlong running time . while the fugitive gave a little time to develop harrison fords character  u . s marshals is straight in there  pulling it ', s trump card ( the place crash ) almost immediately . to be honest  i couldn ', t care less if snipe ', s character got captured or not . snipes performance is average  and his character gets surprisingly little screen time ( considering he is the fugitive ) for reasons i ', ll explain later . tommy lee jones is as fine as ever  although his role is hardly a challenge . the sense of deja vu was overwhelming . i know it ', s the same role from the fugitive  but there is seemingly no attempt to develop his character from the last film . there ', s a few ', nudge nudge ', references from the first film  but apart from that  nothing . nobody even mentions harrison ford in this movie . downey jnr is ok as fbi agent john royce who ', s roped into the chase  and sexy french actress irene jacob wanders in and out of the movie as snipes wife . nobody looks as if their having a good time  and all the performers are on autopilot . the supporting cast are o . k  but when it comes to performances  u . s marshals falls flat on it ', s face . it doesn ', t fare any better plot - wise  either . the film starts off with gerard trying to capture snipes  but then veers off into terrorists territory . as said above  the film is an normal  average terrorist thriller  seen a million times before  but is using the fugitive reputation to make it sound more professional . if this film wasn ', t the ', sequel ', to the fugitive  this would probably go straight to video  or not even been made at all  because it ', s so average . and because of the film ', s plot changing it ', s course  snipes is almost forgotten apart  and hardly features in the movie . stuart baird  the director  is all right  but there ', s no particular scene that stands out . it ', s director is the usual action movie style . even the plane crash is sorely lacking in tension . the special effects are nice  especially the plane crash  and there ', s a good ( if very loud ) soundtrack by veteran composer jerry goldsmith . but in the end  u . s marshals suffers from an overwhelmingly lack of excitement . sure  it ', s loud and dumb  but in the end u . s marshals just ain ', t fun . bored performers and a lackluster plot and script  do not make a good action movie . overall rating = review by david wilcock web space provided by geocities
neg one of the contributors to the destruction of the batman film franchise chris o ', donnell stars in this remake of buster keaton ', s 1925 silent film seven chances . now i ', ve never seen seven chances  as i ', m more of a chaplin fan than a keaton fan  but i seriously doubt that the classic version could be as insipid as this . o ', donnell plays jimmie shannon  the manager of a pool table manufacturing company . he also fears commitment  and despite dating anne ( renee zellweger ) for over three years  he ', s unwilling to marry her . his reasons ? well he ', s a guy you see  and well  guys are like stallions  and they apparently don ', t like to be roped or something ( hey  that ', s the movie ', s explanation . . . i ', d marry renee zellweger in a second ) . eventually it comes time for jimmie to propose  and when he does  it ', s the most absurd proposal ever uttered by a man ever . he essentially says to her  " you win " and hands her a ring . the audience should now hate this character . i did . then the meat of the plot presents itself . jimmie ', s grandfather ( peter ustinov  completely wasted ) dies and leaves jimmie his entire estate of 100 million dollars as well as ownership of the pool table business . however  in order to get the money and save the jobs of the factory workers  jimmie must be married before his next birthday ( which is just over 24 hours away ) . having blown his chances with anne  jimmie proceeds to track down all his prior girlfriends and suggest a " business proposition " . the movie wasn ', t half bad by this time  surprisingly . it wasn ', t boring me  and even managed to read my thoughts at one point . ustinov ', s character left a video will  and while he ', s reading the ridiculous clause in it  i thought to myself " what is this  brewster ', s millions ? " . as soon as i thought it  hal holbrook ', s character actually says " what is this  brewster ', s millions ? " it was quite surreal . something happens though during the film ', s final act that caused me to sharply drop the rating it was going to receive . up to that point  all of jimmie ', s prior girlfriends had turned down his " business proposition " which i felt was good . at least the film wasn ', t painting women to be cold hearted gold diggers . when jimmie has no other options  his goofy friend ( played by artie lange  making a career out of playing the goofy friend ) places an ad in the newspaper that somehow becomes a front page story . at this point  100  000 women don wedding gowns and head off to persuade jimmie to pick them to be his bride . these women arrive at jimmie ', s location and immediately start bullying him about what he ', s looking for in a woman . when he ', s had enough of their unjustified attacks  he tells the angry mob that there ', s been a mistake and he won ', t be marrying any of them . as a result  the women proceed to chase him around the city  in hopes of catching him and tearing his limbs off . this goes on for the rest of the film . it ', s just chris o ', donnell running from 100  000 obnoxious  greedy  angry and stupid women . my groans of disgust could be heard for miles . the film finally ended ( thankfully )  but to this day i ', m still groaning . the bachelor is available on dvd from new line home video . it contains the film in both full frame and in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1  cast and crew info  and special dvd - rom features . the original theatrical trailer is also on the disc  which contains scenes not in the film . apparently there was even more footage of the gang of brides chasing o ', donnell around the city  and at one point o ', donnell is leaping from the tops of buses . so that was bad enough to be cut  but the other 30 minutes of bride shenanigans was good ? ugh .
neg the happy bastard ', s quick movie review holy man more like holy crap . the film stars eddie murphy as a mystical - ish figure named g on a strange journey of some sort when he comes across two network execs ( jeff goldblum and kelly preston ) with a flat tire on their hands . somehow he ends up in their car and on their channel  a line - up of infomercial programs featuring the likes of betty white  morgan fairchild  and a slew of other celebrities and nameless figures . it ', s here that he seems to hit his stride  speaking of life instead and somehow boosting sales . at this point in the movie  of course  morality comes into play  particularly on goldblum  who suddenly feels he can market the magical g into megabucks to get in good with his boss ( robert loggia ) . it doesn ', t take long for the movie to unfold into sappy mush  with realizations taking place left and right and poor plot points . only a real zippy sequence involving frying morgan fairchild ', s face seems to have any interest in the movie . murphy lends nothing to his character and poor goldblum looks as if he ', d rather be someplace else . some may argue that the movie has a message  but all that came across to me is that i could probably get more entertainment watching that informercial with the guy in the question mark coat . at least he has something for us to laught at . . .
neg forget get carter . instead . . . get me a cup of coffee . what the hell has happened to all good american action movies ? did i unknowingly miss a meeting somewhere ? when did all of the bad - ass  kicking butt and taking names  gun - toting  crazed  vengeful characters of the 1980 ', s -- from such films as commando  cobra  predator  raw deal  first blood -- suddenly turn into innocent  compassionate  sensitive  teary - eyed knuckleheads . the only place to turn these days for an honest action film is towards the east -- and i don ', t mean new york city . get carter -- the latest masterpiece from uber - thespian sylvester stallone -- is a prime example of large and in charge 80 ', s action stars trying to fit back into action roles they have long since outgrown . stallone seems like that one uncle you have who tries to be cool with his members only jacket and izod polo shirt with the collar popped up . a few years ago  stallone made a movie that gave him the opportunity to gracefully exit the roles that typecast him as an action monkey . that role was sheriff freddy heflin in copland -- a strange film about redemption within a broken soul . stallone actually gave an amazing performance and it seemed he had shaken off the past . too bad get carter returns stallone to action  but with the shiny paint rusted off on the edges . get carter is a simple story . stallone plays frank carter  a vegas bruiser for a loan shark ( played with amazing gusto by the uncredited voice of actor tom sizemore ) . when frank ', s brother gets himself killed in a drunk driving accident  frank  feeling all guilty and mushy inside  thinks foul play is involved and travels to seattle to set right all the wrongs with the patented " carter ', s way " . he talks tough with his brother ', s wife  lends a helping had to his brother ', s daughter doreen ( rachel leigh cook )  and walks around seattle in the pouring rain dressed like a lost member of the rat pack with a really bad goatee . carter finds out that his brother was involved in some bad stuff with a slimy porn king played by ultra - cool  mcqueen - esque mickey rourke  a multi - millionaire computer geek ( alan cumming )  and a strange foreign guy ( michael caine ) who speaks in riddles and talks tough . carter stalks all of them while trying to figure out who did in his brother and how to extract proper revenge on the responsible parties . what a minute ! this sounds just like another film i saw last year  the limey . better not tell terence stamp about stallone ripping him off . actually  get carter is a remake of the 1971 british production of the same name  starring caine in the title role ( and what with his cameo here  the cleverness is astonishing ) . while stallone still carries his own weight here  the movie lacks what the original did as well : purpose . throughout the film  stallone looks like an old guy trying to act tough  while nobody is taking him seriously . his one - liners fall flat  and he seems tired and uncertain of all the actions  mental and physical  required of his character . there is even a strange homoeroticism between rourke and stallone that lends a bizarre tone to their numerous conversations -- in both fists and words . the biggest surprise in get carter is that the best job done in the film is by the versatile mickey rourke . an amazing method actor in the eighties who fell into drugs  spousal abuse  a boxing career  and an intolerable attitude towards not getting his way  rourke still brings a dangerous sense of purpose to his porn king character . he may not win any oscars  but he still ranks highly in my book . get carter has great directing  strong acting by rourke and caine  and energetic car chases that would make william friedkin proud . the only thing it lacks - as with most hollywood productions -- is a good script and proper casting . never mind that it should never have been made at all .
neg a remake of the 1978 warren beatty vehicle " heaven can wait " ( which in turn was a remake of " here comes mr . jordan " )  " down to earth " tells the tale of lance barton ( chris rock  " lethal weapon iv " )  a young black standup comic trying to win over the audience at harlem ', s apollo theater . when he ', s taken to heaven prematurely by bumbling angel keyes ( eugene levy  " best in show " )  his only recourse is to return in another body . he chooses that of charles wellington  the tenth richest man in the united states . of course  wellington is not only rich  but white and 53 years old  which makes lance ', s bid for closing night at the apollo  as well as his desire to woo suntee ( regina taylor  " jerry maguire " )  a tad tricky . the original elaine may / warren beatty script has been reworked by chris rock  lance crouther  ali leroi  and louis c . k . to turn beatty ', s vehicle as a football player into rock ', s vehicle as a comic and add some racial humor . as directed by chris weitz and paul weitz ( codirectors of " american pie " and costars of " chuck & buck " )  the whole affair comes off as amateur hour . initial scenes play like filmed line reading rehearsals . production values are shoddy . most serious of all is the use of rock when his wellington counterpart would have been more appropriate . this problem is clearly attributable to the fact that the old white guy is never lip or action synched when he is on screen . rock does get the chance to do some fun schtick  such as his turnaround on wellington ', s plans for a poor neighborhood hospital ( ', bullet in the head ? you got a bed ! ', )  but he ', s uneven when interacting with the rest of the cast . regina taylor fares well amidst the mediocrity as the young activist who confusedly ends up falling for the man she believed to be her nemesis . also good is frankie faison ( " hannibal " ) as whitney  lance ', s compassionate manager - the only human who ', s made privy to lance ', s body body switch . chaz palminteri and levy are pretty much wasted as heaven ', s ambassadors . another " best in show " alumnus  jennifer coolidge  is poorly used as wellington ', s cheating wife ( and shown several days apart wearing the same outfit ? ! ) and greg germann ( tv ', s " ally mcbeal  " " sweet november " ) continues display his sitcom roots as her lover and husband ', s lawyer . mark addy ( " the full monty " ) is sorely underutilized as cisco  wellington ', s fake english butler . stealing the show in every scene she ', s in is wanda sykes ( " the chris rock show " ) as wellington ', s disgruntled maid . " down to earth " is for chris rock fans only . all others should go rent " heaven can wait " or truly be brought down to earth .
neg what would you do if no one could see you ? well  if you ', re a super smart bio - molecular research scientist working for the military  you ', d grope a co - worker and rough - up your neighbor from across the street . that ', s right . of all the non - criminal possibilities brought about by rendering oneself invisible  in " hollow man " kevin bacon ', s character opts to commit sex crimes . er  it ', s kevin bacon who plays the super smart military bio - molecular research scientist ? something sounds horribly wrong already . but this is a paul verhoeven film  and the sleazepin director of such open - crotch classics as " basic instinct " and the infamous " showgirls " never lets a little credibility get in the way of his voyeuristic tendencies which  when you come right down to it  is all this film is about . " hollow man " features a string of hapless  c - list actors ( among them bacon  elisabeth shue  josh brolin  and kim dickens ) in a grade - z plot with a lot of special effects that  frankly  don ', t look much better than those used in the 1933 version of " the invisible man . " oh bacon glistens when he gets wet all right and looks like a rather fatty side of cheap flank steak when he ', s attempting reentry but otherwise it ', s lots of " thermal " shots and inanimate objects ( elisabeth shue included ) bobbing around without any visible signs of support . since invisibility  once achieved  isn ', t much of an effect ( the actors spend half their time conversing with nobody and the other half of their time talking to each other -- it amounts to much of a muchness )  the director elects to wardrobe all of his female protagonists in loosely - buttoned sweaters so that the minute bacon ', s character gets invisible he can head straight for them . it ', s as if that fascinating concept -- what would you do if no one could see you ? -- is simply a verhoeven ploy to show some skin . as a horror film  " hollow man " is unsophisticated and disturbing ( in its intent  not its achievements ) and not worth your time or your hard - earned dollars . it ', s minor verhoeven -- and even that ', s not saying much -- and boy is it hollow .
neg roger ebert asks in his review of sexy beast  " who would have guessed that the most savage mad - dog frothing gangster in recent movies would be played by . . . ben kingsley ? " my response would be that anyone who has seen alan arkin in wait until dark  henry fonda in once upon a time in the west  or anthony hopkins in the silence of the lambs should have guessed it . they should know that the way for a film to create a really creepy sociopath is cast someone who generally plays mild  sympathetic  or even ineffectual character roles . the same characteristics that make an actor seem gentle in most of his roles can work in his favor when a role calls for him to be fierce and vicious . that is the principle that works for kingsley in sexy beast . gary " gal " dove ( played by ray winstone ) has retired from a london career of crime and is living on a luxurious villa in spain . life has become a routine of sunning himself and relaxing . but his paradise is about to be shattered by a one - two - punch . the first punch is a boulder that comes rolling down the hill next to the villa . the second punch comes from gal ', s past . back in london gang boss teddy bass ( ian mcshane  tv ', s lovejoy ) is planning to break into a safety deposit room in a bank and he wants gal . he sends his most rabid henchman don logan ( ben kingsley ) to fetch gal . don will accept any decision gal makes from " yes " to " certainly . " however  if gal says " no " don will do whatever it takes to turn it into a yes including threatening guy ', s ex - porn - star wife deedee ( amanda redman ) . in the meantime don knows just how to get under everybody ', s skin . kingsley makes don a compact package of fury and nastiness . there are some serious problems in louis mellis ', s and david scinto ', s script that should have been caught before filming . when we see the actual crime we have no idea why gal was so important to its success . beyond an ability to use skin - diving gear  no special talents are required of him . any local hood could have done what gal is needed for . additionally the crime involves digging from a swimming pool to the bank vault  flooding the vault . no only could they have let the water out of the pool and avoided the complication altogether  but there is by far too much water to be accounted for by what was in the pool . in spite of the provocative title  the story is cliched and overly familiar . i know i have seen all the plot elements of sexy beast in old westerns like the law and jake wade . the story is usually of the reformed outlaw  a robert taylor type  who has hung up his guns and is trying for a life of peaceful respectability . the old gang  however  wants to do one more job with their old buddy and sends a rabid richard widmark type to go and git ? im . it is not a great plot . in sexy beast even the plot twists have gray beards . perhaps the film has a little more respectability because it was made not as a western but as a stylish british gangster film . it is an old plot dressed up to look new . if the plot is old  at least the style is creative . this is director jonathan glazer ', s first film  but he has reputedly done some notable tv ads for guinness stout . his style does have some unexpected touches including some very odd dream sequences . cinematographer ivan bird uses a lot of half lit scenes . we see one side of a person ', s faces . but the other side fades into the darkness  a sort of metaphor for the half - world these characters in - habit . half of everything that is happening is also kept hidden . us yanks will have a hard time with some of the dialog . at least in my theater it was difficult to make out the words with the quiet speaking  the heavy accents  and the cockney language . sexy beast is a very and familiar minor plot lent respectability in the us by being done in what is here a still somewhat novel genre  the london crime film . the plot may be new to british crime films  but it would be overly familiar as a western . further respectability comes from ben kingsley ', s high - powered performance . i give it a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg apparantly money talks . . . and uses quite a bit of obscenities doing so ! i ', ve always considered myself pretty open about the gratuity a film can possess  whether in language  violence  sex  or what have you . i find that this fact gives me a little more leverage to complain when a movie goes overboard  and money talks definitely does ! it ', s not so much that the movie swore nearly constantly ( and i mean constantly ! )  but it swore so much that it seemed overly prominent and way too staged . perhaps if one character were foul mouthed  but in this film  everybody swears nearly every other word . money talks is about a black ticket scalper named franklin hatchett ( played less annoyingly than expected by chris tucker ) . franklin is your typical con - man and ends up with more than one person out to get him . when the plot finally gets underway  there ', s no less than three people ( or groups ) that want him  dead or alive . the frenchman who ', s somewhat responsible for franklin ', s escape from a prisoner - packed bus  a hoodlum whom franklin owes seven grand  and the cops who wrongly suspect him of murder . franklin ', s only hope : james russell ( charlie sheen )  an investigative reporter for the local news who ', s out to prove himself a worthy journalist . james offers to help clear franklin ', s name if franklin will just allow him an exclusive report to help channel 12 conquer sweeps week . both of these elements are completely lost along the way however  and never do reappear . as expected  the odd couple of franklin and james do wind up friends at the end  which is another wasted element seeing as how they show no signs of becoming friends at any point along the way . there is just nothing original or intriguing about this film  and so many developments are either non - relevant  or just plain forgotten about . money talks is a paint - by - numbers movie that lacks any real involvment with the audience . frivilous dialogue  a predictable  flat storyline  and two - dimensional characters make money talks a reason to save your money .
neg starting with the little mermaid and most recently the lion king  the walt disney company once again proved that they could not only consistently make modern day animated classics  but were particularly in touch with what the general viewing public -- particularly kids -- wanted to see . therefore  it ', s with some surprise that as a big fan of the above mentioned movies i was so disappointed with pocahontas . despite some innovation and risk taking  the story is surprisingly straightforward and dramatized in broad strokes  as are its characters . a group of englishmen lead by the evil governor ratcliffe come to the new world in search of gold with no regard for the " savages " that live there . the natives look upon the english with just as much fear and distrust . only the love between the beautifully structured pocahontas and the dashing captain john smith can prevent a terrible clash . the ending  as it turns out  is not entirely a happy one and is one of the film ', s finer moments . the characters are mixtures of stereotypes and lack any real depth . governor ratcliffe  for instance  is a snobbish  single - minded bore whose mere appearance is supposed to bring about hisses . captain john smith is a blond hunk who  while " slightly " misguided  is good at heart . pocahontas herself is the typical disney heroine who is practically being forced to marry a man who everyone but her likes and finds the man of her dreams just in time . she even comes complete with insignificant best friend . again  against tradition  talking animals aren ', t used  but a lusty  wizened  talking tree is . this is an odd compromise  but it ', s one of the few elements that really work . the animals are a delight  and what brief time their interactions take place brings the only humor and fun to a rather bland presentation . maybe it would have been a better film if we saw the story unfold through their eyes . the talking tree  who seems to have a thing for john smith  is the only other character that can hold our interest and is perhaps the best developed of the bunch . the music  a welcome delight in the later disney films  is mostly a let down here  with the exception of the catchy and motivational  " colors of the wind . " mel gibson  as the voice of john smith  has a solid singing voice and should have been used more . the opposite holds true for the governor ratcliffe led songs ; the singing is even more grating than his simplistic character . i was rather bored through what turned out to be a shorter than expected running time . even the children in the audience seemed restless . while there ', s no stopping a kid from seeing something that they want -- or disney wants them to -- most i believe will be disappointed . perhaps the biggest problem is that disney has strayed from their familiar fable and fairy tale themes to history . it ', s all right to change or embellish fantasy to suit a movie ', s entertainment value  but doing so to historical facts doesn ', t work nearly as well as creating nagging questions in the viewer ', s minds and plot holes that are never filled . even the artwork  another disney strong point  varies greatly in quality  making any story problems even more obvious . as mentioned above  there were many questions that stayed with me while viewing the film . for instance  if john smith was truly such a world traveler and had so much experience with " savages  " why did he so quickly change his previous " kill as many indians as i can " attitude . if he was such a nice guy after all  he should have changed his ways long before this . or how about pocahontas ', amazing english speaking ability when this had supposedly been the first time she had seen white men ? i can understand making the native americans speak english for the benefit of the audience  but simply saying that they had met a missionary years earlier would have cleared up a lot ; history was modified in the film anyway . as it is  i wonder if it doesn ', t give kids the wrong impression . in short  the film is too simplistic for adults and contains too much romance and not enough action or humor for the younger set . while disney tried valiantly in many ways to break with some of their firmest traditions  they end up failing on too many levels .
neg plot : upon the realization that they are failing all of their classes  two roommates try to find a third roomie who will kill himself  since the school ', s charter automatically grants top grades to the roommates of any student who succeeds in suicide . critique : despite this film ', s interesting premise and dark subject matter  this movie sucks because it is unfunny  boring  and presents us with one of tom everett scott ', s worst acting performances . add that to a completely unsuccessful romance element  many lame and corny jokes  a long wait for the setup  and an ending that takes all the blackness out of this " black comedy " ( if you ', re gonna create a black comedy  don ', t chicken out in the end - see very bad things ( 8 / 10 ) for a perfect example )  and you ', ve got yourself a trite mtv creation worthy of its own subject matter . i barely laughed at any gags  found the bong element contrived and repetitive  and was horrified not to find any gratuitous nudity tossed anywhere in this movie ( if you ', re gonna make a bad college comedy  at least slap in some free t & a shots for the kids : ) . this one ', s not even worth the rental  fellas . skip it altogether ! little known facts about this film and its stars : during auditions for that thing you do !  tom everett scott ', s first feature film role  director tom hanks was opposed to hiring tom because of the fact that scott could ', ve passed for hanks 15 years ago . it wasn ', t until hanks ', wife rita wilson saw the audition tape  and decided he was cute  that hanks decided to risk hiring scott . the actor who played scott cooper in this film  mark - paul gosselaar  is best known for having played the character of zack morris on tv ', s " saved by the bell " . his parents are dutch and named hans and paula . and who would ', ve guessed that this is director alan cohn ', s first shot at directing a feature film ?
neg when respecting a director  you must also respect the fact that they are not perfect . woody allen has made a couple less - than good films  and he ', s my favorite . even martin scorsese hasn ', t had a perfect track record . kevin smith  after a smashing debut with the classic " clerks " stooped as low to sell - out and make the dreadful " mallrats . " i mean  so far the only director who ', s made several films  none of which have been bad is richard linklater ( " slacker  " " dazed and confused  " " before sunrise  " and " suburbia " . . . all which were great ) . now  i adore quentin tarantino . his first two films were classic films  the second one being one of the greatest films of all time . but 1995 just wasn ', t that good of a year for him . he made way too many tv appearances . he mispronounced jackie chan ', s name on the mtv movie awards . and he made this film . ( he was also awarded an oscar  so i guess that would be a grand exception ) . robert rodriguez is also a great director ; not a brilliant one  but a cool one . i ', ve never seen an alexandre rockwell or allison anders film  so i can ', t comment on them . but in this crap ensemble director ', s film  all four give pitiful efforts . pitiful for any director  too . now in all fairness  ensemble director pieces never really work out . i ', ve never seen all of " new york stories  " but have heard the first two films  by scorsese and francis ford coppola are crap ( i saw woody ', s one  which was hilarious but not totally up to par ) . but i will rate each film individually and then report back to you on the overal average score of the film . exposition : a simple one - a bellhop  ted ( the totally overdone tim roth  who ', s a god and all  but not in this one  though he has a couple good moments ) is working on new year ', s eve for his first shift ( ! ! ! ) in an old fancy hotel . he ', s the only one there ( again : ! ! ! ) and he only has a couple rooms ( yet again : ! ! ! ) . the old bellhop ( the seemingly immortal marc lawrence - who hated pulp fiction actually ) hands over his cap to ted and he goes to his job happily . as the night goes on  he becomes increasingly annoyed and hostile . yea . ( the short films are presented in order  btw ) : the missing ingredient writer / director : allison anders starring : sammi davis  amanda decadenet  valeria golino  madonna  ione skye  lili taylor  alicia witt this one starts it off horribly with no plot  no intrigue  and crap dialogue . the situation is so terrible that it ', s physically painful to watch . the plot has something to do with a coven of witches needing sperm to bring back a godess who is ( gasp ! ) stuck inside some object in their hotel room . the witch that was supposed to bring it ( ione skye ) calls up ted and asks him if she can perform fellatio on him to get it . yeah  that ', s what i said . stupid plot  inane characters who aren ', t interesting at all  etc  etc  etc . the only good thing about this is it has a good cast which  in turn  it wastes pitifully . not even actually funny for a second . my rating ( out of 5 ) : no stars ! ! ! ! the wrong man writer / director : alexandre rockwell starring : david proval  jennifer beals and laurence bender another bad little film with another stupid sex thing going on . ted stumbles into the wrong room or something and gets in the middle of a couple ( david proval and jennifer beals in her attempt at " coming back " ) who are playing sex games . ted tries to escape and we cheer him on so it will end soon . but at least this has a bit of comedy in it  just not that much . and david proval has never overacted as much . and it ', s " pulp fiction " producer laurence bender who gets to puke from a window . a masterpiece compared to the first one  but still . . . the misbehavers writer / director : robert rodriguez starring : antonio banderes  tamlyn tomita  lana mckissack  danny verduzco  salma hayek would a robert rodriguez film be the same without salma hayek ', s navel ? nope . luckily she ', s on the tv dancing so we get to see her . surprisingly enough  when i read the screenplay ( about a year before actually seeing it )  this one seemed to have the most potential . it was fast - paced  funny  and well  funny . but when i watched it  it seemed anti - climactic and only seemed to gain any momentum towards the end when everything happened at once . antonio overacts nicely and the two kids ( lana and danny ) are funny . but  as i said  it moves slowly and in that way  it ', s more painful than funny . but the ending was stupid and funny at the same time . oh ! the plot : antonio is a supposed gangster ( assumed  really ) who leaves his two troubling kids home while he and his wife ( tomita ) go out to get drunk at a new year ', s party . antonio hires ted for a couple bucks to watch his kids all night long  but things go wrong . . . it was okay . the man from hollywood writer / director : quentin tarantino starring : quentin tarantino  bruce willis  paul calderon and jennifer beals ( again ) ironically  this one could be considered the best for a bad reason : it best represents what quentin has done with this film . he plays chester  a spoiled brat actor or something who has just had a huge box - office hit on his hands and is living it up by playing an anti - climactic game from a hitchcock tv episode starring steve mcqueen and peter lorre where they gamble to see if one of them can get light from his lighter ten times in a row . they ', re drunk and need sober but nervous ted to hold the cleaver and bring it down if the lighter doesn ', t light . they also pay him a lot of cash . this is so much exactly what this little film is about that it ', s campy . tim roth was probably payed a lot of money to do this stupid part in this stupid film made by a bunch of people who are high on themselves ', cause they ', ve had hits  major or minor . it took quentin to realize that . but the thing is  it doesn ', t seem like he realizes that . if he did  i ', d give this a good 3 stars . but this sucked . it was anti - climactic and the dialogue wasn ', t very good . he starts off with a very long steadicam shot then goes to flashes . that makes no sense . it ', s cool for a while  then he makes it uneven . it ', s long and it ', s just not very good . hopefully quentin never repeats what he did with this one . conclusion : what ', s the moral here ? if you ', ve made celebrated films  don ', t do an ensemble piece . they should have re - watched " new york stories " and then stopped in their tracks . none of these have any point to them and they ', re embarrassing to not only the writer / directors  but to the actors ', cause they ', re working with crap . but i will forgive everyone involved and i especially look forward to quentin ', s next directing job ( even though he and rodriguez jumped back to the top immeadiately with the cool " from dusk till dawn  " which i found exhilerating ) . i love quentin and i suppose it ', s good he made " the man from hollywood " because it makes him seem more realistic and not some " god of cinema . " i seem to respect directors if they aren ', t " gods " and are actually human beings who make mistakes . " the man from hollywood " is his big mistake and let ', s hope he doesn ', t return her continuously .
neg you don ', t need to have seen the original " species " to appreciate how utterly lousy " species ii " is . with few exceptions  sequels tend to be worse than the films that spawned them  but the fact that " species ii " is a follow - up isn ', t the only reason it ', s so miserable . it ', s the predictable storyline  the cardboard characters  the banal dialogue  the failed attempts at humor  the revolting special effects  the gratuitous nudity ( all female  of course )  the bad acting  and the bland direction . the plot  simply geared at getting the alien species back on planet earth so that it can reak some more havoc  involves three astronauts landing on mars and inadvertently bringing some alien slime in a soil sample back aboard their shuttle . the slime  well  sort of jumps out at them and the screen turns black . that should have been the end of the movie right there . back on terra firma  at least one of the crew is now a carrier of alien dna and  as you ', ll remember if you saw the first movie  driven by a strong urge to procreate . on a parallel track  government scientists have cloned a version of sil from the first film ( now called eve  again " played " by natasha henstridge ) and are keeping her around for some testing . this  apparently  includes observing eve ', s reaction to " the dukes of hazzard " tv show  which she appears to enjoy . eve ', s bio - rhythms go off the scale each time one of her kinfolk " mates  " which we are forced to witness in gross - out detail  but otherwise there doesn ', t appear to be a whole lot of reason why henstridge is in this film  unless it was written into her contract ( let ', s hope it cited one sequel and one sequel only ) . eve finally breaks free of her confines -- and her bra -- for the finale  but the effects are so messy you can ', t really see what ', s going on . peter boyle is totally wasted as an institutionalized scientist who screams " i told ', em not to go ! " at the top of his lungs  referring to the mars mission but more likely aimed at the makers of this piffle . michael madsen reprises his role of press lennox ( so that he can enter high security areas  flash a badge and claim to be press  maybe ? )  as does marg helgenberger as dr . laura baker  the one subjecting eve to the tv reruns . they ', re both unbelievably wooden . what ', s a talented filmmaker like peter medak ( " the ruling class  " " the krays  " " let him have it " ) doing directing this tripe  i wonder . it ', s an unfortunate trend  this : once - talented directors throwing in the towel and lending their names to unchallenging horror flicks like " species ii . " last year peter hyams gave us " the relic " ; no thanks necessary there . and the first " species " was helmed by roger donaldson who  although certainly no genius behind the camera  had demonstrated much better judgment with his previous choice of projects . is it just that there are no better offers out there ? " species ii " is worthless . worse than that  it ', s also exploitative  offensive  and insulting to the intelligence at every turn . it ', s not that there isn ', t anything positive to say about the film . there is . after 92 minutes  it ends .
neg " something is fishy in the state of universal . " about ten years back  with the unexpected success of mad max and the road warrior  post - apocalypse nitty - gritty survival yarns became popular at the movies . we ', ve always had movies of this nature ; on the beach  the end of the world  damnation alley  the ultimate warrior  and so on . to date  the most smoothly done were straightforward " haircuts " of the classic western plot  like the lone gunman who comes to town and protects the widow and the son against an evil organization  usually one in possession of some critical resource  like water  feed range  or a mining claim . most of these grew out of venerable  but solid hero yarns like the virginian and shane . ( my personal favorite is a patrick swayze movie called steel dawn  which was fairly well made on a small budget . ) now we have waterworld  which again brings the traditional lone gunman to town to rescue the young widow and her daughter . ( well  she ', s not a widow  and the kid isn ', t her daughter  but you get the idea . ) the lady is helen  played by the stunning jean tripplehorn  who isn ', t given a chance to be stunning  or even interesting  by the mediocre and unimaginative script . the child enola  played by tina majorino  is living proof that a child actor need not be a bad thing to have in a movie ; she outshines her material all the way through . in simple  the scene is earth  hundreds of years from now . the polar ice caps have melted  and somehow produced enough water to inundate the entire planet . the few remaining people live in boats and floating colonies  and survive by trade  theft  or piracy . somehow an oil tanker has survived the centuries  and its inhabitants  called " smokers  " are able to keep gasoline engines running despite the dearth of replacement parts and raw materials  so the bad guys have outboard engines  and fast - moving boats  airplanes  and jet skis . enola  found at sea as a young girl  has a mysterious map no one can read tattooed on her back . we suspect early on that it is the way to the mythical " dryland  " the place where trees  crops  and animals grow  and what plot there is hinges on who has enola . the psycho ruler of the smokers  the " deacon  " is trying to get her and find his way to dryland . played with typical self - lampooning  rug - chewing histrionics by dennis hopper  " deacon " is the only thing in the movie that ', s close to amusing . his performance is * almost * laughable  but there just isn ', t enough there to be funny . the star ( and a co - producer ) is kevin costner . he ', s playing an un - named lone denizen of the sea  a man called the " mariner  " who turns out to be a gilled  water - breathing mutant with webbed feet . very little is done with this . the script ignores the ineffectuality of gills in supplying enough oxygen to support a human metabolism ; it ignores the fact that even with both ice caps completely melted  much of the earth ', s surface would still be above water ; and it ignores the blatant impossibility of the cultures and technology shown . ( canned meat does * not * last for centuries ; ammunition does * not * fire after it ', s more than a few decades old ; and so on  and so on . . . ) i ', m quite fond of tina majorino ', s previous work  very impressed by jean tripplehorn ', s past accomplishments  and still speechless over costner ', s dances with wolves . but this movie could destroy the careers of anyone associated with it ! this movie cost one hundred and eighty - two million dollars  and there ', s * nothing * in it we haven ', t seen before  done better on only a few percent of the cost of this turkey . at 125 minutes of material  this movie cost over one point four million dollars per minute to make . the budget of this movie * could * have given us over thirty movies ; it could have paid for six years of a prime - time sf tv series with expensive fx work  or ten years of an sf tv series with good digital fx . in sum  this movie is beneath contempt . it has nothing new to offer  it has a script that could easily have been bettered by the people who write comic books for dc  and it spent more money than the national budget of a small nation . if you * have * to go see it  see it on a four - dollar matinee . otherwise you ', ll find yourself sneering at you every time you pass a reflective surface  for weeks .
neg this season needs another serial killer movie like kathie lee gifford needs more public devastation . but lo and behold  here comes " switchback  " and fast on the heels of such stalker fare as " kiss the girls " and " i know what you did last summer . " but " switchback " is an undoubtedly weak genre entry  as the material it covers is old and tired  and the filmmakers rarely sustain enough energy to make any of the proceedings interesting . " switchback " opens with the murder of a babysitter and the abduction of the young child she ', s watching . we learn late in the game that the kid belongs to fbi agent frank lacrosse ( dennis quaid )  and that the kidnapper / killer is a nameless fiend that lacrosse has been tracking across the country for quite a while . he is promptly removed from the case  but this conflict of interest doesn ', t keep him from offering pursuit . lacrosse ', s most recent trek takes him to a blood - soaked hotel room in amarillo  texas  where the local sheriff ( r . lee ermey ) is torn between his re - election campaign and helping his new ally catch his man . in a related aside  former railway worker bob goodall ( danny glover ) is cruising through the snowbound west in his pinup - plastered ( even on the seatbelts ) el dorado . along the way  he picks up -- and subsequently saves the life of -- hitchhiking loner lane dixon ( jared leto ) . this tangent isn ', t a random one  as bob or lane will end up either holding a piece of the puzzle or turn out to be the killer himself . or is the villain in fact lacrosse  only pretending to be after the cold - hearted murderer he knows so much about . in a sense  that ', s half of the basic problem with " switchback . " for its first hour  the movie presents evidence that any of these three men could be the perpetrator  so we ', re given little insight into who they are  likely for fear that we ', ll learn too much too fast and therefore be able to make the proper deduction . but " switchback " then decides to explicitly reveal the killer ', s identity at its midpoint  and the following contradictory character motivations muddle both the pacing and the generation of suspense . some of the acting is a burdensome area as well  probably because the performers were instructed to build personas that are the exact opposite of their true selves . what is danny glover doing here  grinning and yeehawing his way through the messy plot ? and dennis quaid ? ( that monotone -- stop it ! ) ermey is solid in a supporting role that ', s more interesting than the two leads thrown together  but the charismatic leto ( claire danes ', object of affection in " my so - called life " ) is a scene - stealer tried and true . > from a material standpoint  " switchback " is pretty empty . but even when first - time director jeb stuart ( who wrote " the fugitive " and " die hard " ) doesn ', t know what to do  he knows what he wants it to look like -- the movie provides some great visuals . the set - on - a - train climax looks good ( even though the action is illogical )  and the beautiful  crisp cinematography captures the rockies in all of their icy splendor . still  that ', s not enough to turn a lump of coal into a diamond  and more than the movie ', s look will end up leaving you cold .
neg plot : a separated  glamorous  hollywood couple must pretend to reunite for a press junket of the last movie that they ever shot together . kewl . . . now i only wish that i could pretend never to have seen this movie . . . critique : trite  unfunny  boring and a waste of everyone ', s talent . how a premise with such zest and bite can turn into a movie that doesn ', t feature any chemistry  any real laughs  any surprises or any spice is beyond me . how julia roberts is used solely as a " puppy dog " character  puttering around in the background while we endure the complete bitchiness of zeta - jones ', character  who is not one bit funny or romantic ( two ideal ingredients in a " romantic comedy " )  is also beyond me . and why they chose john cusack  a great  quirky actor in his own right  to play the most bland  uninteresting and unfetching character ( with zero chemistry with either of his leads ) is further more  beyond me . and to anybody who decided that this project was " funny " enough to greenlight featuring the talents mentioned above  along with billy crystal  christopher walker  seth green and stanley tucci . . . well  what can i say . . . i just don ', t have the words . so is this the worst movie that i ', ve seen all year ? no . but it definitely sucks and it ', s basically because . . . well  it ', s just not funny . and for the record  allow me to state a few more problems with it . it starts off slow  it ', s got no energy  it doesn ', t engage you with any of its characters ( julia barely gets somewhat interesting in the film  everyone else . . . lame ! )  it utilizes way too many flashbacks to move the story forward  it ', s utterly predictable  standard  routine  see - through and uninteresting as a plot and it just sits there on the screen  big and ugly  waiting . . . waiting for you to laugh or find something in it that is amusing . and then hank azaria shows up . . . aaaaaah  the film ', s savior ( mind you  some might be offended by his exaggeration of a stereotype  but that ', s another story altogether ) . but when an experienced " voice " actor upstages all of the main stars in a summer " blockbuster " romantic comedy with an over - the - top antonio banderas accent  damn dude . . . your film ', s in trouble ! ! rent this movie on video just to see what went wrong yourself . the references to ricky ricardo and senor wences ( huh ! ? )  the idio - plot points like when one of the characters goes on the roof to stretch his arms out and relax  but everyone believes that he ', s going to kill himself ( hardy - har - har ) and the cheap way of getting the audience to leave the theater laughing by bringing back a ball - sniffing dog that has no place being in the location at the end of the movie  well . . . i could go on . but i won ', t because i do still respect all of the actors in this film and actually did laugh at azaria  green and tucci ', s antics from time to time ( ironic  eh . . . what about the leads  dammit ! ) and liked the premise behind the film ( before i saw the finished product  of course ) . a dud all the way around . btw  all the talk about this film was that julia roberts was to be in a fat suit for one scene ( her character is supposed to have lost 60 pounds )  so when the scene finally came  i did get a little excited about what it might look like and then . . . well  it basically just looked like julia roberts in a fat suit ! ugh . i think i ', m gonna start drinking again after this lame - ass movie . c ', mon hollywood  enough with the crud ! where ', s joblo coming from ? beautiful ( 1 / 10 ) - my best friend ', s wedding ( 7 / 10 ) - notting hill ( 5 / 10 ) - pretty woman ( 7 / 10 ) - runaway bride ( 5 / 10 ) - someone like you ( 4 / 10 ) - wedding planner ( 3 / 10 ) - when harry met sally ( 10 / 10 ) - you ', ve got mail ( 4 / 10 )
neg some talented actresses are blessed with a demonstrated wide acting range while others  almost as gifted  have more limited types of parts for which they are suitable . as was amply evident after basic instinct  sharon stone can play sensual roles with great abandon . rejecting her natural abilities  she has spent the rest of her entire career trying with little success to play against type . gloria is her latest disaster . babe ruth didn ', t quit baseball after one season to play football in a quixotic quest to prove his athletic dexterity  and neither should stone reject what she does best . janeane garofalo  for example  is no less wonderful an actress because she could have never pulled off stone ', s part in basic instinct ; neither is stone any less talented because she couldn ', t do garofalo ', s comedic roles . gloria  directed by respected director sidney lumet and adapted by steve antin from the 1980 screenplay by john cassavetes  was not screened in advance for critics  almost always a sign that the studio isn ', t behind the picture . after seeing it in a nearly empty audience after it opened  it is clear why they held it from the press . it is a film more to be endured than enjoyed . as the story opens  an angry gloria ( stone ) is being released from prison after 3 years confinement . she ', s got a bad attitude and a big mouth . she also has a bad case of wavering and overblown new york accents  a disease suffered by much of the rest of the cast . an annoying child actor named jean - luke figueroa plays a soon - to - be orphan named nicky . just before his whole family is gunned down by hoods working for gloria ', s ex - boyfriend kevin ( jeremy northam )  nicky ', s dad gives him a banana yellow floppy disk with secrets about kevin ', s operation and offers him a piece of fatherly advice . " be a man  " his father lectures him sternly . " don ', t trust nobody . not no broads . nobody . " most of the film ', s leaden dialog is delivered with the emotive power of the automated time and temperature announcements . add in the movie ', s almost non - existent background noise and the excruciatingly slow pacing  and you can hear the sounds of the lines falling to the ground like stones . lumet places his actors in the frames like fruit in a still life painting . they stand awkwardly mouthing the stiff sentences that pass for discourse . ( " say you ', re my baby  " kevin coos demandingly . " i ', m not gonna  " gloria pouts back . ) the movie has a plethora of logical flaws and implausibilites . the kid rarely seems the least bit worried or scared  no matter how many people are after him with guns  trying to kill him . and in one key scene  the yellow floppy he holds is assumed to be the right disk without checking it and is further assumed never to have been copied . gloria  who keeps saying how she hates kids  takes nicky under her wing and protects him from kevin and the bad guys . think her maternal instincts will show up before the movie finally and predictably ends ? if you don ', t know the answer  you may be just the right viewer for this film . you have to say this for stone : she can keep a straight face . when explaining life to a 7 - year - old kid  she says with utter seriousness  " you got a lot of love making to make ; you got a lot of boozing to do . " gloria runs 1 : 48 . it is rated r for profanity  violence and brief male nudity and would be acceptable for teenagers .
neg susan granger ', s review of " ghosts of mars " ( sony pictures entertainment ) horror auteur john carpenter ( " halloween  " " vampires " ) strikes out with this sci - fi eco - fable that ', s so bad it boggles the mind to imagine how the project ever got green - lit . the script by carpenter and larry sulkis appears to have been lifted directly from last year ', s " pitch black  " involving a violent prisoner who must be released from bondage so that he can help a small band of humans protect themselves from blood - thirsty  marauding aliens . in the year 2176  there are 640  000 earthlings on mars  living in a matriarchal society led by a commander  played by pam grier . grier  pill - poppin ', natasha henstridge  and some rookie mars police officers ( clea duvall  jason statham ) travel to the remote mining town of shining canyon to fetch " desolation " williams - that ', s ice cube - to bring him back to chryse city to stand trial for murder . but when they ', re besieged by demented  zombie - like  body - snatching miners  they readily free the scowling ice cube since they need him for protection . it seems a red cloud was released from a shining canyon cave and  soon after  most of the miners went bonkers as long - dormant remnants of an ancient martian civilization took over their minds and bodies  lopping off heads as " vengeance for anything that tries to lay claim to their planet  " according to a scientist ( joanna cassidy ) . carpenter uses so many flashbacks to tell the " night of the living dead " - like story that the idiotic plot gets incomprehensibly confusing . but you can easily predict each of the supporting characters who will be killed  along with the order of their elimination . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " ghosts of mars " thuds to a laborious  bottom - of - the - barrel 1 . perhaps  indeed  there is a curse on mars films  if you recall two other duds : " mission to mars " and " red planet . "
neg plot : based on the wildly popular " jerry springer " tv show  this movie follows the lives of two groups of people before they make their bizarre appearances on the infamous program . one posse comes from the trailer parks and are to be featured in the " i slept with my stepfather " segment  and the other is based on some fly - girl whose girlfriends keep sleeping with her undevoted " dog " boyfriend . critique : the truth is that if i didn ', t have a day job  i would probably watch the real " jerry springer " show every day . i find it quite entertaining  despite its complete lack of redeeming value . having said that  the show itself is outrageous  funny  and always filled with goofy surprises  as opposed to this film which features no laughs ( is this a comedy or a drama ? )  uninteresting and completely unbelievable one - dimensional stereotypes  and a contrived plot which bores us stupid all the way . i never thought i would utter the word boring in the same sentence as jerry springer  but this film is an absolute yawn - fest  despite offering various scenes featuring simulated blowjobs  lesbians  t & a and tv violence ( who would ', ve guessed that ? ) . i wish they would have either a ) made this movie much  much funnier  or b ) turned it into a complete drama and given us a real perspective as to why people like this actually put themselves through these public forums of embarrassment . unfortunately  it doesn ', t seem as though screenwriter jon bernstein spent more than a drunken weekend watching real " jerry springer " reruns to complete his script  leaving us with a boring film  featuring no laughs  one - dimensional characters  and no fun whatsoever . little known facts about this film and its stars : jerry springer used to be the mayor of cincinnati  ohio . for this film  he won the 1999 razzie award for worst new star  tied with joe esterhas from an alan smithee film : burn hollywood burn .
neg i never understood what the clich ? " hell on earth " truly meant until very recently . i ', ve just never experienced anything in my life which was so terrifying  so horrible  so monstrously deplorable that it justified being termed as " hell on earth " . after all  i ', ve never been to war  i ', ve never been the victim of any violent crime  i ', ve never really been broken hearted  and i ', ve never been audited ; so i really had no frame of reference as to people meant when they said that something was " hell on earth " then i saw cruel intentions . in a perfect world  i would be in charge of all the movie studios . the very first thing i ', d do in this perfect world  would be to take every hollywood producer who thinks that setting any story in contemporary america with a 20 - something cast playing teenagers and featuring a soundtrack ripped directly from mtv  and throw them in jail . but it wouldn ', t just be your average jail  not even a maximum security installation . i ', d have these producers ( and everyone else involved in the production of these films ) put in front of a war crimes tribunal and forced to beg for mercy for their crimes against humanity . now you ', re probably thinking to yourself : " is this really how bad cruel intentions is ? " the answer is no . it ', s actually much worse . watching the cast of this motion picture atrocity try to act their way through roger kumble ', s awfully written script is probably a lot like stabbing yourself in the arm with a chainsaw and then pouring salt on the open wound . and then pouring acid on the salt . i don ', t know if kumble was trying to evoke comedy or tragedy out of his opening scene where marci greenbaum ( tara reid ) whines about having nude photos of her posted on the internet  but the only emotion i felt was sheer boredom . from that opening scene  where boring actor ryan phillippe tries to seduce tv actress swoosie kurtz  to the conclusion which i don ', t remember because i had practically fallen asleep ; cruel intentions is truly " hell on earth  " right up there with war and tax audits .
neg about an hour or so into " the jackal  " a character wandered around as people were being shot at in a big suspense sequence  and one of the audience members in the theatre i saw it in shouted out " i hope she gets killed now ! " at that point it hit me : i didn ', t care for any of the characters being played by actors i didn ', t really like . when the sole reason you care about a character being played by sidney poitier in a suspense film is because he ', s being played by sidney poitier  you know something ', s rotten in the state of denmark . every year  a couple films like this are released . you know : the cheap  action packed international espionnage film  featuring a semi - promising premise  some big - name actors ( usually bruce willis )  and the hopes that some audience members will forget the cold war ended several years ago . this was the third one of ', 97  following the very lackluster " the saint  " which featured an amoral costume changing bond wannabe ; and the surprisingly fun " the peacemaker  " featuring clooney and kidman trying to stop an almost untraceable villain . " the jackal " tries to mix both elements . and you thought " the saint " was bad . " the jackal " is loosely ( very loosely  i hope ) based on the 1973 fred zimmerman classic that i ', ve yet to see  " the day of the jackal  " which featured ( apparently ) a suave hitman called the jackal  played by edward fox  trying to assasinate charles degaule . well  welcome to the 90s  where a sorta suave hitman  also called the jackal ( bruce willis )  trying to kill the head of the fbi . . . or is he ? after being hired by a russian mob lord as a bit of vengeance for the murder of his brother ( killed in the opening scenes )  the jackal romps all over the northen hemisphere  from helsinki to virginia  setting up an elaborate scheme wherein he ', ll be able to assasinate this person and still get away to live in seclusion . and like the saint  the jackal changes his look over and over and over again to elude people . the agent working on the case  cater preston ( sidney poitier - yes  that sidney poitier )  working with a russian agent  valentina koslova ( diane venora - lady capulet from " romeo + juliet " )  gives up early on and meets with an ex - ira man  declan mulqueen ( richard gere  putting up some tight competition between himself and brad pitt for worst fake irish accent of ', 97 ) who ', s in a massachusetts jail  but who has apparently seen the jackal  who has been eluding the law forever . soon  he ', s out working with the two untrusting agents  and trying to help them catch him . there are numerous problems with the film  and which one is the biggest one is pretty impossible to put a finger on . the film is supposed to be a big suspense thriller  but save a couple moments  the film never achieves suspense  or even a sense of intrigue . sure  the big assasination attempt is a bit cool looking and even slightly tense  but every other scene in the film is too short and too dull to register . the film never picks up enough to become a thrilling experience  or even an entertaining one . it doesn ', t help that the plot is designed to be complex  but falls into so many problems  like plot holes and unbelievable circumstances . the script of " the jackal " is a complete mess  mostly because it can ', t decide what it wants to focus on . is this a film about a man trying to find redemption by catching a nasty killer ? is it a film about a nasty  amoral hitman who ', s in everything for the money ? or is it a combination of both ? " the jackal " aims for the latter  but never focuses in on either character . the connection between the two feels completely edited  so much that in a scene when the jackal turns around and notices declan  you wonder how he recognized him so fast . the worst part is the little past they try to give declan  most notably his relationship with an old girlfriend  isabella ( mathilda may )  given so little screen time that you almost forget her character exists until she pops up every now and then . the supporting characters are worse . sidney poitier is given a completely unplayable role  that of a man who is just stern sometimes  and other times more giving and likable . what is poitier doing here ? he ', s one of the best living actors ! does he really need to waste his time doing drivel like this ? diane venora ', s russian character is almost as bad  with a cigarette perpetually in her mouth  and a plastered on expressionless facade . it ', s not that anyone ', s bad here ; it ', s that they have nothing to do . the plot is a joke  feeling like it was pasted together by someone in post - production who dropped each scene on the floor and pasted them together quickly so it could be released on time . the jackal himself is not even much of an international villain . there are several times where he ', s in a tight situation and makes things worse for himself  the only explanation being that the filmmakers wanted to toss in a cheap thrill . take a scene where he ', s being followed by some agents into a parking garage : he quickly sprays his car another color  and adds a solvent that if touched kills the person who touched it . doesn ', t killing someone attract more attention than it does distract ? and does he think dying his hair bottle blond makes him fit in in a public place ? geez ! is there anything good here ? well . . . a couple things . i did like willis ', s icy expressions ; he may not have been real suave or anything  but some of his looks are worth a chuckle . richard gere has a couple of good moments  making his character as likable as he possibly could have . and a couple sequences are kicky in that kind of proposterous  completely inane but fun kinda way  most notably : a sequence where he tests out a new gun on an annoying gun builder ( jack black ) ; and a bit where he seduces a gay washington man  which has its share of a couple good jokes  most particular a kiss by willis . but none of these elevate the film any higher than it could go ; they ', re just little distractions along the way to amuse us mildly then toss us back into the world of dullness and stupidity that is " the jackal . " director michael caton - jones ( who directed the far superior " rob roy " ) has made a film that is made very couple months  one that is unentertaining  unintriguing  and pretty much cold  but will nevertheless make money because  hey  the trailers do make it look like it may be fun in that kind of retro - clancy kinda way . every now and then  the filmmakers get it right ( " clear and present danger  " which was enormous fun in that smart kinda way )  but " the jackal " is an example of when they go completely wrong .
neg " showgirls " is the first big - budget  big - studio film to receive an nc - 17 rating . and its release last year came at a time when senator bob dole and other politicans chastised the entertainment industry for promoting sex and violence . but if " showgirls " is any indication of hollywood ', s future  the folks in washington should focus their attack on a more dangerous threat to american values -- bad moviemaking . " showgirls " is a relentlessly exploitive look at the las vegas strip scene  and the film turns out to be just as trashy as its subject matter . director paul verhoeven and writer joe eszterhas  who collaborated on another shock - value project  1992 ', s " basic instinct  " follow the plight of a young woman ( teen tv star elizabeth berkley ) determined to make a name for herself as a topless dancer . it ', s a hackneyed premise to begin with  so not surprisingly  all of the stock characters are trucked out . there ', s the demanding producer . the loyal friend . the bitchy competitor . lest i forget the scummy club owner . of course  any attempt at character development or a coherent storyline is just window dressing for the film ', s main attraction -- an endless parade of full - frontal nudity . unfortunately  " showgirls " doesn ', t satisfy in this department . verhoeven ', s slam - bang  in - your - face style of direction proves neither arousing nor erotic . to make matters worse  you ', ll be forced to sit through the movie ', s clothed scenes  which don ', t cover up for laughable acting and some of the most absurd dialogue ever spoken in film history . verhoeven and ezsterhas deserve credit for trying to break ground  but if it ', s adult entertainment you want  stay home and watch the playboy channel . you ', ll be the wiser for it .
neg here ', s a concept -- jean - claude van damme gets killed within the first ten minutes of the movie . now if that isn ', t enough to get you to finally see a van damme movie  i don ', t know what is . all sarcasm aside  it is certainly a different way to start a movie  of course a few minutes later we find out that the newly deceased had a twin brother -- so lucky us  we get to see more of jean - claude . van damme # 1 works for the russian mafia in the united states and is killed by some of their operatives . van damme # 2 is a police officer in france who finds out that he had a twin brother he never knew about after # 1 gets killed in france . the remaining twin ( the french cop ) goes to the united states to find out who killed his brother and avenge his death . once there  he hooks up with his deceased brother ', s girlfriend  played by natasha henstridge  and the two of them set out to discover who the murderers are . jean - claude ', s acting abilities don ', t seem to be up to the usual lackluster standards in this movie . in other words  just in case you missed the sarcasm  his acting is worse than normal . on the upside  natasha henstridge is in this film  and she does what she did best in species -- she gets naked . sadly  this is probably the high point in the movie . she is actually a decent actress  but didn ', t improve as much as i thought she would after species . this is the typical van damme movie  with jean - claude doing a variety of high end martial arts moves on his opponents . nothing new here  and certainly nothing we haven ', t seen in every other van damme movie . simply put  there is absolutely nothing new about this movie . it has a retread plot -- this isn ', t the first time jean - claude has played twins . he still can ', t act . we all saw natasha ', s breasts in species ( although this is one repeat performance i ', m not complaining about ) . this is pretty much like every movie that van damme has ever been involved in -- sub par .
neg what makes reindeer games even more disappointing than just a predictable  lifeless action flick is the cast and crew who signed onto the project . most of the people involved in reindeer games just came off terrible slumps with excellent comeback performances in their most recent films . john frankenheimer  who made the unforgettable cold war drama the manchurian candidate way back in the early 60 ', s  recently showed critics and fans alike that he still had some magic left in his directorial skills when he created the brilliant car chase scenes in ronin . screenwriter ehren kruger gave a remarkable first impression when he wrote the script for the underrated arlington rd . ben affleck displayed his comedic talents in dogma and boiler room  and even on saturday night live directly after the horrible forces of nature and 200 cigarettes . even charlize theron  who i was convinced couldn ', t act  did a decent job in cider house rules . when all of these bright stars come together  one would assume that the movie will have great potential to be entertaining . after coming out of the theater showing reindeer games  disbelief was my first reaction ? then frustration . the movie could have premiered on cinemax at two in the morning starring an all - rookie cast and still would have been equally lacking in entertaining . the acting is so pitiful and the script so dull  i may have to rethink some of my opinions on how talented these actors actually are . it seemed like everyone was restricted to just the script and not given a fair amount of improvisational rights . we have all seen ben affleck have some fun on the set  it is so apparent in a number of scenes in good will hunting when he exchanges jokes with his friends at a bar . the actors in that movie were having fun and  from that  the audience had fun . reindeer games is the complete opposite ; the actors don ', t seem to want to be their characters ( even danny trejo  who will do practically anything  doesn ', t look like he is enjoying himself )  causing the audience to quickly lose interest . evidence of public disapproval was noted when a woman behind me yelled " boy this movie is horrible ! " and when there were scattered giggles during the most dramatic moments . the story follows a man  rudy ( ben affleck )  who is leaving prison in a few days along with his best friend and cellmate nick ( james frain ) . nick has been exchanging love letters with a beautiful woman  ashley ( charlize theron )  and cannot wait to leave prison and meet her in person . when nick is killed in a prison riot  rudy decides to pretend to be nick and take ashley out on a date for the christmas holidays . unfortunately ashley ', s brother  gabriel ( gary sinise ) interferes with their relationship . thinking rudy is nick  he kidnaps rudy and threatens to kill him unless he helps rob a casino  which nick use to work at as a security guard . now rudy must pretend to be nick so he can protect ashley from her brother gabriel . confused ? the movie only gets more complex as it goes on  until it gets way  way too complex at its climax . but reindeer games makes its first serious mistake during the first half an hour . the hero commits a greedy  selfish act when he decides to pretend he is his dead cellmate in order to date ashley . some hero . the point of a hero is to do the morally correct thing  a person for the audience to relate to or admire . when rudy lies and cheats his way into trouble  instead of gathering support from me for him to ultimately succeed in getting the bad guys  i felt more like he was getting what he deserved and even wanted to see him fail at times . the most irritating part of the film ( besides the fact that this is a christmas movie released in february ) is the number of chances the bad guys get to kill rudy but fail or delay for some idiotic reason . the routine in which the bad guy must explain his genius plan to the hero before attempting to kill him with some elaborate machine is getting so tired nowadays  especially when i eagerly want to see the hero dead . the only saving grace keeping this movie from receiving zero stars is an amusing but pointless cameo from isaac hayes as a prisoner upset with his food . why he was in this movie for such a pointless role beats me . why any of these people had anything at all to do with this movie beats me .
neg ( dreamworks skg ) running time : 2 hours starring robert duvall  tea leoni and elijah wood directed by mimi leder the first of the two asteroid movies coming out this year ( the second is the macho armageddon ) is actually a dull affair . elijah wood plays leo biederman  who during astronomy class discovers that a large asteroid is heading for earth . tea leoni plays a ( rather crap ) news reporter  jenny lerner  who soon discovers about this asteroid through a very long winded and boring way  and robert duvall plays the leader of a space crew  spurgeon tanner  who are planning to blow the asteroid out of the path of earth . also featuring is morgan freeman as the president  and maximilian schell and vanessa redgrave as jenny ', s father and mother . while many people will walk into the film expecting a big special effects fest with the asteroid blowing everything up ( as the trailers seem to promise )  the film is actually more of a character study  if a very poor one . the main problem is that there are too many characters in the film  and not enough time to explore them all . only the space crew are given any depth  jenny lerner  leo and the president are surprisingly 2d  and we never get to know these characters . and because i couldn ', t care for them  i didn ', t really give a crap if the asteroid killed them or not . the script by bruce joel rubin and michael tolkin is horribly simple  and never really makes any interesting statements . mimi leder  the former er director and director of the average the peacemaker ( 1996 )  again directs in a ho - hum style  and never really gets any emotion out of a scene  which is a shame . the cast are seemingly on autopilot  although tea leoni does gives a rather good performance  even if she acts a bit too dorky for her own good . she seems uncommonly stupid for a journalist . robert duvall is on autopilot with a underwritten role  he just seems to be in this film for the money . elijah wood  one of the best child actors working today  is surprisingly average  although his choice of roles lately haven ', t exactly been brilliant ( i . e . flipper  1996 ) . his role is also vastly underwritten . morgan freeman  again  is utterly wasted with a ridiculously underwritten role . like duvall  he just seems to be in the film for the money . the supporting cast are all o . k  none making much of an impression . ok  so deep impact may have messed up character wise  but surely the special effects are good ? well  yes and no . although the special effects should be impressive  with a massive tidal wave destroying new york  the special effects look like  well  special effects . sadly  the waves looks like it ', s been drawn on computer  and doesn ', t look too good at all . surprising really  when the effects are done by industrial light & magic  who did the effects for the lost world and twister . in the end  deep impact is a wasted opportunity . what could of been a moving movie with good effects turns out to be a dud in both characters and effects . the 2 hours the film had could have been used to much greater effect . once again  dreamworks has churned out another average movie . let ', s hope armageddon is a bit better . overall rating = review by david wilcock web space provided by geocities
neg seen may 2  1998 at 3 : 40 p . m . at the crossgates cinema 18  theater # 13  with chris wessell and sean o ', shea for $ 5 . [ theater rating : * * * 1 / 2 : very good sound  picture  and seats ] the big - budget  mega - hype " event " movie is becoming so trendy now it is becoming a weekly routine instead of a seasonal one . gluttony is hollywood ', s favorite sin  but it is the movie - goers who pay the price by being dealt the same things over and over on an ever - worsening basis . " lost in space " is the latest such offering - a film so poor it would be twice as good if it were mediocre . it ', s made up of every element of science fiction  but at no time does it evoke the slightest amount of wonderment the genre was meant for . audiences ', attention spans are rapidly decreasing and as is the trend with such films  this one opens with a fast - paced space battle which serves not only as the most interesting scene in the film ( probably because it has " star wars " written all over it )  but as the producers ', way of showing off their budget through the special effects . battle scenes are worthless without tension  and since we have no idea what the setting is it ', s impossible to care about anything that happens . in essence  the entire segment works like a teaser for an arcade game  not a piece of filmmaking . we meet the robinson family - a family of five that does not get along but has been chosen to act on earth ', s behalf in effort to find another planet worthy of colonization due to the exhausting of our natural resources . each member of the family has a special trait and personality  and yet none of them seem like actual people . professor john robinson ( hurt ) is the intelligent  quiet leader who has devoted so much time to his work his family and marriage are suffering without his realizing it ( it ', s obvious what role this aspect will play ) . of course this is all established through extremely melodramatic scenes such as the children and parents arguing and bickering among themselves and with each other  while the necessary problems are " resolved " at the right moments . the only thing worse than the screenplay is the fact it ', s presented in a completely serious manner without a trace of satire  and is so pathetic it ', s laughable . the first act is not a building of a story  but a juxtaposition of scenes that serve no purpose other than to plug in all the required elements ( such as plot  conflict  and characterization - god forbid ! ) . we ', re provided with the minimum amount possible of these elements to keep the film from being completely silent . in fact  it might as well be since the dialogue is virtually non - existent . yes  the characters do speak  but they do not talk . they say things that only relate to the conflict  but they never really interact ( unless it ', s the cartoony flirting scenes between arrogant major don west ( leblanc ) and uptight  unemotional judy robinson ( graham ) ) . it ', s amazing that after an hour of trite dialogue and generic plot devices that so little happens . eventually the pacing rapidly increases  but the amount of genuine interest does not . the story finally gains some prospective by living up to its title as the robinsons find themselves lost in space after narrowly managing to defeat dr . smith ( oldman )  the cartoony villain  and his plans for sabotage . what ensues is a series upon series of completely unrelated conflicts . the first such scene takes place on an abandoned spaceship and what ensues could best be described as " alien " - lite . the story changes again when the robinsons crash land on an alien planet and must act quickly to escape it and survive . but there ', s never any real notion of suspense here because the script constantly wanders aimlessly . plotlines are developed  but each becomes totally irrelevant as the story changes from scenario to scenario . the atmosphere attempts to be surreal by incorporating time travel and various time paradoxes  but it ', s presented in such a ridiculous way it ', s utterly boring . by the time the last act rolls around  there is no sense of a payoff building . the ending does not go out on a high note with any kind of climax  instead  it seems to come to a sudden halt ( but at least it ends at all ) . " lost in space " is major film production at its worst . it ', s frightening that a film so poorly written  directed  and acted might be considered mainstream entertainment .
neg the only thing worse than watching a bad movie is realizing that the film had a lot of potential and could ', ve been effective . such is the case with _urban legend_  the new horror film from first time director jamie blanks . the idea behind the movie is that the mad slasher of the film muders people according to various urban legends . examples include the killer in the backseat of the car and person getting calls from inside her house . the killer wears one of those l . l . bean parkas with the hood drawn completely up  so you can ', t see the face . i guess halloween masks are out of style for psychos these days . anyhow  the premise is certainly a nifty one and the opening scene is spooky and atmospheric . it ', s a very good setup that promises more chills to come . unfortunately  the film never takes off from there . the movie takes place on a peaceful new england college campus . like most slasher flicks  this one also centers around a young female main character whose friends are slowly killed off by a knife wielding maniac ( or in this case an axe wielding maniac ) . i ', ve always wondered why these killers don ', t save themselves a lot of time and trouble and just go after the person they ultimately aim to kill . after the fine first scene  the movie degenerates into a monotonous series of those annoying you - thought - it - was - the - killer - but - was - just - someone - else scares . these are always accompanied by loud bursts of music . i guess sudden  sharp music chords are what passes for terror these days . the actual killer will attack at about every third music blast . the slasher appears  attacks  the victim is eviscerated  and the tedious cycle appears anew . false scares should always be used in moderation . someone needs to tell director blanks that things like this just aren ', t as scary as they used to be . this movie commits the biggest sin a horror film can commit -- it ', s not frightening . remember the horror movie cliches that were so mercilessly mocked in _scream_ and _scream 2_ ? this movie still adheres to them . tons of illogical moments about ; more than i really have the inclination to list . and i don ', t mean illogical in the summer popcorn movie sense . that type of illogical can be fun . this film insults your intelligence more times than i care to remember . the last 20 minutes especially degenerates into such lunacy that you ', ll be laughing more than you ', ll be screaming . actually  you won ', t be screaming at all . at its best  the acting can barely be called " adequate " and the script could ', ve definitely used a rewrite or two . the film still manages to have some strong points . the killings are certainly inventive and plentiful enough to satistfy most gore fans . there are some intentionally funny moments . ( these were exceeded by the unintentional ones . ) the film is well made from a technical standpoint . besides the first part  there is also another good scene  a prolonged cat and mouse chase inside a radio station . if there had only been more sequences like this  that relied on tautness and suspense rather than loud bursts of music  _urban legend_ might ', ve been worth your money .
neg my opinion on a film can be easily swayed by the presence of actors i love . i love ralph fiennes . i love uma thurman . i love sean connery . hell  i ', m even a big fan of jim broadbent and fiona shaw . i saw the fantastic preview for the avengers nearly eight months ago  and i ', ve been eagerly awaiting the film ever since . a few months into the summer  however  i noticed that its release date had been changed a few times  and that it had ended up in the mid - august dumping ground . then  in this final week before its official release  i learned that it was not to be screened for critics . and that the actors had not been plugging the film on late night programs . and that it was directed by the same man who brought us the remake of diabolique . my expectations fell to pieces when i learned all of these things . the film i saw today didn ', t even meet those expectations . this is a lousy  incoherent mess . i would slam it harder  if it weren ', t for the nifty sets and the mere presence of all these fine  lovable actors . but sets are ultimately empty  and the performances are completely uninspired . that ', s the main problem with the avengers : for all it ', s hip - hop flash and tidal waves  none of it feels the least bit energetic or inspired . it ', s like a chore  a bland exercise in superhero film making . it also feels like its been cut to pieces  clocking in at 90 minutes and forgetting to close some of its own subplots . this is just plain depressing . the avengers is a film version of the popular 60s television show . frequent readers of mine will not be surprised to learn that i ', ve never watched an episode . i wasn ', t alive then . i don ', t even watch television now . i ', m very sorry that i don ', t have this perspective  but  judging from the reviews i ', ve already read  knowing the tv show just makes matters worse . i didn ', t know and love john steed and emma peel  and therefore i was not as upset to see how these actors i love have managed to thrash their roles . i also doubt that familiarity with the series would allow me to understand more clearly the chain of events that do take place in this film . based on what the film told me  i gather that steed ( fiennes ) is some kind of british super guy ( somewhat like james bond )  and that dr . peel ( thurman ) is just a really smart doctor  who also happens to know a lot about weather and about beating people up while limited by tight leather suits . they are to work together  under mother ', s orders ( mother is played by jolly jim broadbent  while his co - conspirator  father  is played by the equally - talented fiona shaw ) . it seems that there is a man out there controlling the weather . his name is de wynter ( connery ) . he is a crazy scottish guy . our heroes had better stop him  or else . . . the weather will keep getting colder until they " have to go to hell to warm up " ( one of the film ', s few funny lines ) . along the way there is subplot after subplot  hinged sloppily together by scenes that go nowhere  feel perfunctory  and ultimately make no sense . for example  our heroes are eventually attacked by a swarm of giant mechanical insects with machineguns attached to their torsos . now  killer bugs don ', t really go with the weather - controlling theme of the film . the purpose of the bugs  other than to annihilate our heroes  is never established . they ', re never even directly connected to de wynter ( they ', re controlled by his crazy henchman  played by eddie izzard ) . the special effects aren ', t bad  but they ', re loud  obnoxious  and intrusive . like so many scenes in the film  it seems present only to keep your attention from waning . and i guarantee you  it will wane . i stopped thinking about the story when i realized it didn ', t do any good to think . the avengers has clearly been chopped up and re - assembled so many times that even the people involved couldn ', t tell us what happens . there are several scenes in the preview that didn ', t make the final cut . in addition  many of the sequences have irritating  grainy film quality  which makes it feel low - budget ( the last scene is particularly bad ) . the scenes that don ', t feature action should be electric  thanks to our wonderful cast . they aren ', t . the action scenes should be electric  because this is an action film . they aren ', t  either . and what about this wasted cast ? oh  it makes me weep with disappointment . we ', re talking ralph fiennes here  one of the best actors working today  one of the best actors * ever * . i love the guy . i ', ve loved all his films  until this one . he seems like he wants to understand the film  but he ', s as lost as we are . and thurman  in all of her spectacular beauty and talent  can ', t manage to look at home here . ( i don ', t blame her completely  for there is a strange subplot involving her evil twin that is never explained in any way  and it can ', t be easy to deal with such terrible screenwriting . ) connery  however  seems the most out of it  totally lacking any kind of focus  or interest  for that matter . who is to blame ? is it the screenwriter  don macpherson ? perhaps  although i can see a shell of a story here that could have been a good superhero movie had it been handled right . is it the actors ? for god ', s sake  no -- these people clearly lost interest when they saw the inevitable path of destruction on which this film was travelling . i blame director jeremiah chechik  who shouldn ', t have been given the task to begin with . his best film  benny & joon  is quirky in the same way that this one was supposed to be  but here it mostly seems like a lot of failed attempts at wit and humor . add to that a lack of experience in big - budget action  and you have the worst choice for director this side of james ivory . if the avengers has a saving grace  it ', s the set design . the sets ( by stuart craig ) are big  colorful  and often pleasing to look at . i like the final set - piece  on de wynter ', s island  even if none of it makes a bit of sense . i admired the overhead view of the stairs  showing dr . peel running around in circles and never getting anywhere . i also enjoyed michael kamen ', s music score  particularly in the opening credits . but this stuff is routine -- good sets and music are nice  but there ', s a lot more that needs to be here . inspiration  for instance  would have been really nice . maybe a little bit of cohesion in the story . or a sense of purpose . most of all  though  i would have liked to see these actors relish in their roles . damn this movie for not giving them the chance .
neg if snake eyes were a dog  you ', d put it to sleep . if it was a couch  you ', d put it out on the sidewalk  where it would sit for a week . if it were your child  you ', d be reading military school catalogs . if it were a ship -- no  it wouldn ', t be the titanic  that would imply glamor and tragedy -- it would be the exxon valdez . ( personal side note : i saw this movie on the road during a houston business trip . for whatever reason  my hotel ', s cable system wasn ', t showing the astros - braves game  which featured a randy johnson - greg maddux matchup . this forced me to pay full price for snake eyes instead of watching a perfectly good baseball game for free -- so the invective  deserved as it is  should be seen in that perspective . ) snake eyes is supposed to be a mystery movie  and good mystery movies are supposed to leave you asking yourself questions on the way out of theater . snake eyes is not a good mystery movie  but i had some questions : where ', s the manager  and how do i get a re - admit pass ? if i fall asleep on the drive home and wreck my rent - a - car  can i sue brian de palma ? is it too late for the academy to revoke nicolas cage ', s oscar ? will someone please ( i ', m begging you ) give gary sinise a role worthy of his talents ? and how  exactly does cage end up wearing the exact same shirt and tie as sinise does ? the first and most glaringly wrong thing with snake eyes is the trailer . if you ', ve seen the trailer without seeing the movie  consider yourself fortunate . the trailer is a work of sheer genius . it manages to convey everything worthy of the movie -- the noteworthy steadicam work  the exuberance of cage ', s performance as a thoroughly corrupt atlantic city policeman  the essential elements of the marginal plot . the expert craftsman who pieced together a fairly good trailer out of snippets of a wretched movie deserves praise and a percentage of the gross . ( is a best trailer category at the oscars that far - fetched  after all ? ) but all it does is set us up for an overwhelmingly disappointing movie . the trailer sets up what should have been a promising plot : detective ricky santoro ( cage ) must solve the mystery of who shot the secretary of defense at an atlantic city pay - per - view boxing match . unfortunately  there are multiple problems afoot . the trailer gives away much  too much of the story . the shooter is killed instantly  so the story revolves around why the secretary was killed and who is involved in the conspiracy . the film ', s secret is ho - hum at best  and anyone who has watched the trailer and is aware of the law of economy of characters can figure out who the top conspirator is . without an interesting plot  without interesting dialogue  and without much of a reason to care about the characters or the story  snake eyes is a failure on almost every possible level . as much as i hated this movie  i must give brian de palma one tiny bit of credit . de palma is maddeningly inconsistent . he can  on his day  create amazingly well - done movies ( the untouchables  carlito ', s way ) . on off - days  he can be  well  just horrid ( the bonfire of the vanities  raising cain ) . snake eyes falls into the horrid category  but there are a couple of moments that are worth seeing strictly for their film - school degree - of - difficulty value . the steadicam opening scene does a good job of introducing the cage character and is a virtuoso technical job by both the director and the actor . there is a split - screen chase scene that looks pretty good  and it ', s followed by a god ', s eye view of a bank of hotel rooms that ', s imaginitively done . this is what ', s called giving the devil his due . but the technical skill doesn ', t even come close to making up for the sheer evil of this movie . placing plot holes to one side for a moment  snake eyes features easily the worst boxing match in cinema history ( george foreman is in better shape than the movie boxers )  a hurricane that exists for no other reason than to punctuate significant plotlines with portentuous thunderclaps  and perhaps the worst  most overly drawn out ending in years . snake eyes is a criminal act  an evil waste of time and talent . cage  sinise  and yes  even de palma deserve better . the audience deserves better -- but no refund  no re - admit pass  no free popcorn coupon  can ever restore to us the time we ', ve spent or wash the awful images from our mind . however  we are left with one consolation  that we were warned by the movie ', s title -- because snake eyes is nothing more than a roll of craps .
neg the last line ( or near to that honor ) is the great butler  alfred ( the ubergod  michael gough ) saying  " i think we need a bigger bat cave  " or something to that note . that ', s exactly what this film is - too big for its own good because it has too damn much . cut batgirl out . cut one of the villains . it ', s too much to handle in one dosage . it ', s so much that characters get left behind . poor elle gets a mere 3 scenes and a subplot which is introduced but never finished in any way  shape or form . and elle deserves better . this is the fourth in the gigantic film series and the second from director joel schumacher . it ', s also the fourth worst in the series ( and second worst from joel ) . the series has been declining since its stunning debut  followed by the almost - as - stunning sequel and then the anti - climactic third one ( first by joel ) . this one ', s not anti - climactic - i knew it was gonna suck . it ', s up to joel to make it fun though . " batman forever " was fun . this is a big bore of over - produced action sequences and shallow characters . i mean  this one bit . i ', m gonna put all the plot in one paragraph : mr . freeze ( ah - nold )  who ', s wife was dying of some disease  has become the new big villain these days . he ', s a huge ex - scientist who fell into some weird liquid ( hello ? joker ? ) and now has a body temperature of a big fat zero and has a blue body . batman ( george ) and robin ( chris ) fight him a bit but find they ', re growing apart . meanwhile  another villain shows up  poison ivy ( uma ! )  who was a dorky scientist chick working on flowers in south america with a twistet scientist ( john glover ) who kills her when she finds out he ', s used her research to develop an uberman  bane  who is basically a man pumped with chemicals which probably killed any personality he ever had . she emerges from her chemicals ( don ', t ask ', cause i can ', t tell ya ) as a sexy woman ( the real uma ) who ', s poison when or if you kiss her and has some aphrodiasiatic scent she blows at people . she starts to tear away at the dynamic duo . meanwhile  alfred ', s dying of the same disease mr . freeze ', s wife has ( but in an earlier state than she )  and his niece  barbara ( alicia )  comes all the way from oxford without an english accent to get him away from the butler trade  but soon ( well  not really soon  it takes her 2 hours ) becomes batgirl . meanwhile  in an unfinished subplot  bruce ( batman ', s alter - ego  if you forgot ) has been dating the lovely julie madison ( the even lovlier elle macpherson ) who wants a commitment after a year but he says nothing . end of her for all we know . mr . freeze ultimately teams with poison ivy and they want to freeze the world and then take it over growing new plants as their population ( don ', t ask ! ! ! ) . the trio must team together " as family " to beat them . there ya go . not the whole story but no big context clues . too much  right ? right ! the films seems patched together of nice little ideas which would have made for a couple good sequels . however  while tim burton nicely balanced the villain / batman storyline ( although not wonderfully )  joel seems to do almost nothing with batman in this one . he gets some corny speeches  a couple clever lines and that ', s it . maybe some stunts . for all this  i can ', t even comment on george clooney as batman - i hardly saw the guy ! and when i did  he had horrible dialogue to say . i think michael keaton is the quintessential batman but val kilmer was too robotic and fake as batman in the last episode . george is in between them . he ', s not quintessential  he ', s not horrible  he ', s good . but i ', m sure next time when they decide to renovate the series since they ', ll be critically murdered for this sorry effort  we ', ll get a good script and clooney will shine ( if he still has the job ) . the villains are the only interesting part of the series according to schumacher . last time  we had the brawn of two face as played by tommy lee jones and the brains / comedy supplied by the riddler as realized by jim carrey . this time we have a somewhat sympathetic and somewhat hatable villain ( the same guy )  mr . freeze . we feel bad for his mental / physical collapse but does he really need to kill everyone for plants ? arnold isn ', t very good - too hokey but kinda sympathetic at some points . when he watches old movies of his wife  he actually looks somber . wow . but uma makes the most of her seductive character  getting the right point between hamminess and seductiveness . it ', s like she ', s almost parodying herself in " pulp fiction " at points . she ', s incredibly hot and makes the movie pretty much a star better . as for the lower bat - people  chris is the same as he was in " batman forever  " although i think his work in these is too hokey when he ', s best at quieter parts in " scent of a woman " or just plain cool parts in " fried green tomotoes . " alicia - i love the girl but she ', s not particularly good in this film . she can hypotheitically act  we all saw that in " clueless  " but her lines kinda sound weird . and it isn ', t the mushy - mouth this time . but in all fairness  she has virtually no part . joel gets around to her occasionally and when she ', s on  she does stupid stuff . . . although i know i ', m not the only one who loved the catfight between her and uma . . . and poor elle . poor  poor elle . i love that woman and she can also hypothetically act ( for those of us who saw " sirens " ) . but she has no part ! ! ! it seems like joel had so much footage that he had to edit almost an hour out of the final product . there are no " couch " scenes ( like my best friend noticed ) . now listen to me on this one - in every " batman " flick  there ', s a couch scene . in the original  it was with vicki . in " returns  " it was a good make - out scene with selena . and in the last one  it was a chat with nicole . this one  it ', s nothing . and batgirl does next - to - nothing in this film till the end when she ', s suddenly " part of the family . " fortunately  we get a lot of alfred . he ', s the always reliable butler  in case you didn ', t know  who has been with bruce all his life . he ', s a god . he ', s a father figure . he ', s also dying . this got to me . i love alfred almost as much as bruce and to see him in a robe  not in his tux  and freaking dying just gets to me . we also get the idea that he might have been unhappy the whole time . . . but this is never answered  as this film is too cluttered . but in defense  it does have some good parts  other than uma . for one  george is a good batman but unfortunately gets nothing to do . and there are some nice touches . when they show the asylum at one point  they show the patient ', s belongings in a room and we see the riddler ', s costume . i laughed . and during a biker scene ( involving robin and batgirl - another subplot never handled past initiation period )  we not only see coolio but a bunch of bad - asses dressed as " droogs " from " a clockwork orange . " i laughed at all these . the film falls apart around the five - minute mark during an enormously long action sequence which must last around 20 minutes . . . or did it just feel like that ? the film should serve as another in the long - line of films which demonstrate that we need more intelligent films nowadays . people are fed up with stupid films . that ', s why the word of mouth killed " the lost world ! " that ', s why last year  indy films grossed more than ever . that ', s why this will have a strong box - office initative from people who just want to see it  like me  but will die after a week or two when the word around the grapevine kills it . that ', s why the next two big - budget aciton pics are john woo ', s " face / off " and barry sonnenfeld ', s " men in black  " both which are the first two to catch on to the wave early on . i like joel schumacher more as a person than an artiste . i like some of his films ( " flatliners  " " a time to kill " ) but a lot of them suck . he ', s a really eccentric person and i loved one of his quotes about how he admits to being a mediocre director and that ', s what makes him great . but his costuming for woody allen ', s " sleeper " was more interesting than this one ( and his costuming was cool - look for the nazi number ) . i love the " batman " series . the first two rocked and i did like the last one . but this one is not going to be one that i watch repeatedly like the other three . hopefully  this will also serve as a springboard to a better batman next time . and maybe they ', ll get smart and bring back catwoman . and michael keaton . but we can only hope .
neg writers : dennis feldman and jonathan hensleigh ( based on the comic book by chuck pfarrer ) starring : jamie lee curtis  william baldwin  donald sutherland  joanna pacula  sherman augustus  marshall bell  cliff curtis  julio oscar mechoso i suppose i ', m not extremely surprised that " virus " comes to us from a deciple of james cameron ( john bruno )  and if i strain real hard  i could even say that it ', s an obvious given  particuarly looking from the standpoint of mr . cameron ', s early works . in fact  " virus " is yet another in the long line of action / horror / paranoia thrillers from the " aliens " vein : a group of people are dropped into a mysterious situation only to find a mortally - threatening entity is out to get them  a textbook example hailing all the way back to the early talkies  and maybe even to the first pictures  albeit redeveloped by cameron in his 1986 blockbuster that earned him esteem and bigger budgets to come in his future . no such thing will happen to bruno  whom i believe worked in some capacity on that quasi - landmark feature ; while bruno may have studied under cameron ', s wing for years and years  i ', m beginning to wonder at what capacity  and what exactly did he learn from him . in fact  " virus " should at least be mediocre ; the fact that bruno could have worked under a man like cameron - a director who  if anything  just knows how to make a movie - and then make a film like " virus " is just another detraction fairly aimed at this z - grade schlockfest of a film  albeit a z - grade schlockfest with a respectable budget . the film seems to not only borrow it ', s plot from last year ', s similarly - fated " deep rising  " but also from a clunkish b - movie from the ', 80s called " leviathan  " an underwater thriller starring peter weller  richard crenna  hector elizando  and daniel stern about a group of miners who stumble upon an alien lifeform that was part " alien  " part john carpenter ', s twisted remake of " the thing . " " virus  " again  has a similar  uh  selling point : a group of sailors on a boat stumble upon a russian cruiser that is dead in the water . they get on . they break up into pairs and investigate . and they find an alien lifeform on board that comes in the form of energy  has taken over all the machines on board  have meshed the machines with parts from corpses  and have deemed humankind their enemy because of a misquote in the dictionary ( ha ha ) . not that any of this is for a second scary or the least bit involving ; not only does this film start off with a chintzy bond - ian opening ( the destruction of the cruiser via a satellite transmission from mir )  destroying any of the suspense in what could happen  but it also fails to bring us any interesting chracters . of its motley crew  it only choses as its potentially eccentric cast of characters a lead woman skipper  a masculine potential - romantic - interest  a drunken captain  a black technician  a tatooed aborigine  a manic russian survivor  and a couple other candidates for alien food  none whom are the least bit interesting or more dimensional than a thin  plain piece of writing paper . and it ', s not the traditional argument for films like these  where you may in fact want them all to be eaten ( even " aliens " played with the karma of the arrogant soldiers  but this was more of a plus - side for the film as a whole than the opposite ) ; instead  as another cliche goes  you just don ', t give a damn . i almost don ', t even have to say that the acting from everyone ranges from sub - par to horrific  the former being jamie lee curtis in the lead showing off what a strong female lead she is ( and she is  just not really here ) and the latter being - and it pains me to say this as he ', s a particular favorite of mine - donald sutherland  who plays the captain so poorly and without a second of credibility that this will go down as the performance - of - which - he - should - be - ashamed . like anthony hopkins for " legends of the fall " ( the line " scrooooooo ', em " has been thus embroidered upon my membrance ) . or peter o ', toole in " caligula . " great actor  horrific performance . it happens every now and then  and it only helps sutherland ', s career that no one  except for an elite few  even bothered to see this film . though it has sat on the shelves of universal studios for about two years  waiting until it can be released and make as much money as it possibly can ( read : early january  when everyone ', s still trying to catch up on the potential oscar - nominees )  it does show that universal shelled out a pretty penny to make this film : it ', s laden with complex machinery  boasts respectable production design  and it may even feature believable special effects . . . if  of course  i  or anyone else  could see them . " virus " mostly takes place on a large  abandoned cruiser  and mostly at night until the dawn  and mostly without the use of lights  not so much for the productivity of the alien creatures in their pursuit of their human prey  but more so because  as the hollywood cliche seems to go  " if it ', s dark enough  then the special effects will be more believable . " and if you don ', t believe me  go back and rent " godzilla  " and tell me if there ', s even one shot where we see godzilla either a ) in his entirety in one wide shot  or b ) n the light so that we can at least see him ( well  you don ', t really have to sit through it again ; just take my word for it ) . but all of this doesn ', t matter since " virus " is basically just one loud  cluttered mess of a movie . the action scenes are muddled and as difficult to follow as any action movie i ', ve ever seen ( my  um  favorite part was the scene where a trio of them end up somehow on the outside of the ship  during a five minute bouillabaisse of tidal waves  rain  and any other ocean - extremeties the film can cook up  then end up back in the ship when one of them is revealed to have apparently drowned - well  i must say  thanks for telling me afterwards because i sure couldn ', t figure it out when i saw it ) . imagine the first attack of the aliens in " aliens  " shot from the pov of the soldiers and then the authorities in the battle car if it was all hard to follow and done without any dramatic intensity  and that ', s basically the whole of " virus " : one horribly - directed action scene after the other  capping it off with a proposterous gadget that saves the day and at least a couple of the original cast members . and my god  it ', s a long damn sit . with no interesting characters  no dramatic urgency  no tension  not one good moment of action  and no mesmerizing visuals  it ', s a wonder that it even got made . we already know that big movie studios ', mentality is shallow at best  and movies like " out of sight " and " saving private ryan " give you more faith in them  but movies like " virus " manage to drain a little more out of the pool . i almost wish that instead of making this movie  john bruno had gone cinema verite and captured the meetings with universal heads when they gave this film a green light . they read the script  they knew they were entrusting millions upon millions of dollars into a director who might have very well been a cameron hack ( and he is )  and they still went ahead with the project  only to have bruno and company shit back in their face . even though i hold universal in contempt for making this horrible movie  i ', d say even more contempt should be aimed at mr . bruno for making a movie that could be this bad . in fact  shouts of " egad  man  what were you doing when you worked for cameron anyway ? " are not only justifiable  but encouraged .
neg deuce bigalow ( rob schneider ) cleans fish tanks . yeah  i didn ', t know that was a real job either . one of his customers is antoine leconte ( oded fehr )  a successful gigolo . when antoine has to go to sweden for three weeks  he lets deuce use his house to look after an ailing $ 800 fish . fooling around  deuce sets fire to the kitchen and smashes a $ 6000 fish tank . after taking a try at one of antoine ', s clients and earning $ 10  deuce decides to prostitute himself to raise the money to replace the fish tank before the fiery - tempered antoine returns . enter t . j . ( eddie griffin )  a pimp for " man - whores  " who arranges for deuce to service an assortment of women whose imperfections keep them from dating . there ', s an enormous woman ( played by transvestite porn star chi chi la rue ) who hides food in her clothes . there ', s claire ( gail o ', grady ) whose narcolepsy causes her to fall asleep every few minutes . tina ( torsten voges ) is so tall her face doesn ', t fit on the screen  and ruth ( amy poehler ) has tourette ', s syndrome and shouts obscenities without warning . finally there ', s kate ( arija bareikis ) whose sorority sisters secretly paid her fare . she seems perfect  and deuce quickly falls in love with her . ( she does  we discover later  have an imperfection  but deuce decides it isn ', t important . ) deuce ', s life is complicated by a bothersome cop ( william forsythe ) looking for information on antoine and by kate ', s discovery of his man - whoring . however  neither threat generates much suspense . the formula is so familiar that we know how it will end from the start . " deuce bigalow " is the first project from adam sandler ', s company happy madison  the formation of which assures that we ', ll be seeing the sandler style of comedy mass - produced at an increasing rate in years to come . be afraid . be very afraid . the good news is that sandler doesn ', t actually appear in " deuce " and that rob schneider and eddie griffin are funnier than sandler . schneider has a sweetness that makes the clueless but good - hearted deuce believable . griffin ', s delivery is dead - on  especially in the coining of " technical terms " for t . j . ', s profession  as in " don ', t make me he - bitch man - slap you ! " there ', s the expected amount of toilet humor in " deuce . " ( for one thing  deuce ', s dad is a men ', s room attendant ) . does anyone over the age of eight actually find bowel movements that funny ? for most of us  i think that childhood fascination with bodily functions disappears when we hit the far - side of puberty and discover how funny sex is . i  for one  will be glad when the toilet trend is finally flushed . bottom line : " deuce " doesn ', t offer anything new but it is intermittently funny .
neg this is your definitive " hollywood " movie  extremely predictable  following the basic formula ( a horrible ending )  overzealous writing ( meaning the writing was bad and seemed as if it were trying too hard to make it exciting  therefore making it look as if many things were merely tossed in there to fill space ) and if tommy lee jones and his lovable wise - ass character ( of which we ', ve seen before in the fugitive and quite frankly  wasn ', t used enough here )  i ', m afraid the film would have been completely unbearable . in this film  ashley judd plays a women who is wrongfully convicted of killing her husband while out sailing for a weekend . while in jail she finds out that her husband really is alive and that he framed the murder on her . over money ( how original ) . while in jail she works out  exercises and basically does her best to get into near perfect condition . now she has learned about a law titled " double jeopardy " stating that if she serves her full sentence and get out she could kill her husband and the law could not touch her ( although there has been talk that this is not the way the actual law works ) . now her po ( parole officer )  and a bunch of cops are chasing after her and are conflicted whether or not to believe her claims . skipping over to the acting : the fact that judd is more of a looker than an actress ( no offense  she has been good [ simon birch ] and even very good to great [ kiss the girls ] at times  in the past and i believe may have the potential to be better . . . but she ', s terribly unconvincing in this and her performance seems stale and unsatisfying ) doesn ', t really add to the movie at all ; just takes away . as i ', d said  jones was fine  although he did not have much to work with . he was much more of a supporting character . which is fine  and he handled it well ; especially considering the material he had to work with . i feel this film had alot going for it . originality not being an issue . the acting was the only thing ( as i said ) keeping it alive . the plot seemed pretty intriguing and could have been as well if applied better . the action scenes were well made ( however sometimes out of place ) . i was just left unsatisfied in the long run . so basically some of the action may have been exciting but genuinely over - thought  the plot has certainly been done before ( generally speaking )  the movie moves way too fast for us to get involved in either the characters or the plot  and is basically a film that was almost saved by tommy lee jones  who if he had some more screentime  could perhaps have earned the film a higher rating ; in my book  anyway . keep this in mind  if you ', re in the mood for a good action film -- rent the fugitive . d +
neg dead - bang  an action thriller starring don johnson  lives up to its dumb title  or at least to half of it . although dead - bang is definitely dead  it is anything but a bang ; in fact  they should have called this one " dead bore . " in the film  johnson plays . . . you guessed it . . . a cop . the role must have been really challenging for johnson since his character  jerry beck  is a gritty los angeles homicide detective  a real stretch from the slick vice detective johnson portrayed on " miami vice . " a la mel gibson in lethal weapon  beck is an emotional wreck  complete with violent outbursts  unscrupulous police methods  and a bleak outlook on life . beck ', s wife has just divorced him  and she is cutting him off from their children . she will not even allow him to wish them " merry christmas " by telephone . but beck ', s family and emotional problems take a back seat to the action and thrills in dead - bang . beck is investigating the brutal murders of a shopkeeper and a cop . his investigation starts in l . a . and finally culminates and climaxes in oklahoma  where he has a violent showdown with the killers at a white supremacist camp . virtually every aspect of dead - bang is inept and ineffective . the plot is incoherent and full of holes . the movie depicts beck ', s investigation so clumsily that you never see the connections between his clues and his conclusions . the action sequences in dead - bang are strictly third - rate  and the movie has absolutely no momentum or suspense . i certainly expected more from long - time director john frankenheimer who directed the classic political thriller  the manchurian candidate -- as well as black sunday  seven days in may  and the french connection ii . in all fairness to frankenheimer  however  i should note that most of dead - bang ', s shortcomings seem to stem from its shabby script rather than from the direction . dead - bang tries to don a mask of social relevance by incorporating themes of racism and white supremacy  but its efforts are nothing more than token gestures and nothing less than insulting . according to the movie ', s production notes  dead - bang is based on the real - life experiences of still - active detective jerry beck . you would never guess this from watching dead - bang  however  since the film totally lacks credibility ; it is utterly unconvincing and unbelievable . most of the characters in dead - bang are either atrociously acted  underdeveloped  superfluous  or all of the above . william forsythe  for example  is painfully bad as arthur kressler  a wholesome by - the - book fbi agent who ', s offended by beck ', s foul language and unorthodox methods . forsythe ', s lame performance and corny dialogue makes his character unbearable . dead - bang marks the motion picture debut of tim reid ( " wkrp in cincinnati " and " frank ', s place " )  but his talents are completely wasted in a cliched and contrived role ; he plays the chief officer of a squadron of black cops who help beck to nail the villains . the sole function of penelope ann miller ', s character is to give dead - bang an excuse to include a gratuitous love scene between characters about whom you could not care less . i guess the film ', s title refers to this love scene since it ', s definitely a dead bang . the only real virtue of dead - bang  believe it or not  is don johnson  who tries to overcome the limitations of the movie ', s pitiful script . johnson succeeds in giving his character a sarcastic sense of humor and a hint of depth  and his pessimistic wisecracks occasionally bring the film to life . and i must admit that dead - bang does have one or two amusing moments . the funniest scene has johnson throwing - up all over a criminal as he interrogates him . but when barf is the highlight of a movie  you know the movie ', s in trouble . the other amusing scene involves a psychological examination of beck  in which he can ', t keep a straight face because the psychiatrist resembles woody allen . but two funny scenes and a couple good wisecracks do not a movie make .
neg it was once said that in order to truly enjoy some of today \x12 s movies or novels  you must \x13 suspend disbelief . \x14 however  there is a distinct separation between opening your mind to ridiculous situations and believing a bunch of flat lies . it came as no surprise to me to learn that huntingburg  indiana ( where the film is set )  does not have a mcdonald ', s  a sears store  a statue of a man on a horse  nor even a dam close by . even if you can ignore these somewhat \x13 white \x14 lies ( even though the dam is crucial to hard rain \x12 s plot ) ; there is still a bunch of things that just don \x12 t gel . firstly  morgan freeman  possibly the greatest actor alive ( after such films as driving miss daisy  the shawshank redemption and se7en )  was cast as a shifty goon intent on stealing enough money for a healthy retirement . he _should_ have played the town sheriff  an experienced and somewhat intriguing policeman . as a massive flood started by a dam accident overwhelms huntingburg  its residents presumably flee as the water level steadily increases . i say presumably simply because we never know what happened to them ; and it seems a tad strange that an entire town ( with the exception of some folk who get introduced along the way ) can vanish before the flood has actually started . but nether the less  armored guard couriers tom ( christian slater ) and his uncle are carrying three million dollars in the back of their van . with a heavy rainstorm causing depressing conditions and slippery roads  it doesn \x12 t take long for the van to end up stuck amongst mud and water off the side of the road . jim ( morgan freeman ) and a small gang of thieves locate the van and attempt to steal the three million dollars . but of course tom is more than willing to save the day  so he takes the money and hides it elsewhere in town . the local sheriff ( randy quaid  whom most will remember as the drunken pilot in id4 ) and a couple of police men investigate the situation  but their morals are soon overpowered by greediness as each character contemplates what he / she would do with their share of the three million dollars . director mikael salomon has made sure that hard rain ends up turning everything topsy - turvy  and whilst the film may at first appear to be a definite \x13 goodies versus baddies  \x14 there are numerous twists in it \x12 s plot that make this a slightly more enjoyable experience . but by the time these interesting changes occur  it \x12 s far too late in the film for them to have much affect . hard rain \x12 s continuos corniness and lack of originality washes out whatever hope the script may have had ; and although it \x12 s cast is somewhat appealing most of its stars act well below par . not at one stage capturing what could have been a fabulous on screen battle between slater and freeman  we are left to reminisce on films that dared to do something different and achieved more than what was expected . such titles as broken arrow ( slater and john travolta ) and face / off ( nicholas cage and john travolta ) come to mind as films that have mastered silver screen confrontations . strangely enough  they were both directed by john woo and both star john travolta . we can forgive morgan freeman for giving a slightly disappointing performance since he is newish to the action genre  but christian slater could have achieved so much more had the amount of crummy one liners been reduced and some personality added to his character . if you had asked me whether slater could perform well enough to substantially boost a movie prior to the release of broken arrow  my answer would have been a definite no . i now know that he has no excuse  and _can_ do better ( if you don \x12 t believe me rent a copy of broken arrow from your local video store ) . although hard rain never really works from the start  i somehow felt feelings of missed opportunity when the credits filled the screen . the addition of an enticing sub - plot would have given the film time to breathe  rather than try to cram 96 minutes of action and disaster into a story that can \x12 t handle anything else . despite the fact that hard rain fails on almost every account  if your standards are low enough you may find this to be a mildly enjoyable film . no creative flair and no inventive scenes means that hard rain does not stand up well against its many competitors  but it doesn \x12 t really matter since the last thing you would want to do after shelling about $ 8 . 50 is compare this to other films .
neg " some houses are born bad  " goes the haunting ', s tag line  to which i must add  " some movies  too . " nothing short of hiring a new cast  a more literate screenwriter  and a new director could have saved this tragically misguided adaptation of jackson ', s meritorious novel . the haunting is late entry summer dreck too slick to be creepy  and its seemingly endless stream of digital trickery and spooky ooky sound effects don ', t frighten so much as numb the audience into submission - the film is like a rube goldberg contraption rigged to shout " boo . " fragile nell ( taylor )  bisexual theo ( zeta - jones )  and smiley luke ( wilson ) are three insomniacs who gather at the reputedly possessed hill house for an extended study on sleep disorders  hosted by professor marrow ( neeson ) . marrow ', s secretly gathering data on their respective paranoid responses to his recount of hill house ', s bleak history . he ', s not prepared for the very real apparitions that terrorize the crew  nell especially  who has some ancestral connection to the manor ', s previous inhabitants . taylor is thoroughly insufferable in her first big - budget lead . for starters  her consistently dour expression sucks the life out of even the early scenes  when we ', re introduced to the mansion and all its fun - house trappings . her character is supposed to be depressed  having tended to an unloving mother for too many years  but taylor plays nell as supernaturally lame  alternately grouchy  mopey  wiggy and pathetic  and i kept wondering why the other characters didn ', t just ditch this bitch . as for the obscenely photogenic zeta - jones  she breezes through her scenes with a wink and a smile and takes the scenery with her . unfortunately  she ', s saddled with some of the most unlikely dialogue the screenplay has to offer . theo ', s assessment of the house ? " i love it ! sort of charles foster kane meets the munsters . " who on earth would say that in place of " citizen kane meets the munsters " ? ( furthermore  would you gladly spend a single night in a house befitting that description ? ) both actresses fare better than neeson  who looks embarrassed to be a part of this ensemble ( and for good reason )  and his character is the most bland . as luke puts it  dr . marrow pulls the old " academic bait and switch " on his subjects  but he breaks down and confesses to this the second he ', s accused . later  he risks his life by climbing a crumbling stairwell to save nell ( it ', s amusing to hear neeson shout " nell " repeatedly  given his starring role in the 1994 jodie foster vehicle of the same name ) . why was this nice  helpful  and redemptive researcher so absent of ethics at the start ? the haunting was well designed by eugenio zanetti . his sets are obsessively detailed  and even before the cgi kicks in  they seem alive  never quite still . i do have one beef with this aspect of the production : the real life mansion used in exterior shots  nottinghamshire ', s harlaxton manor  is so vast that one has trouble believing that nell and company  no matter how much running away they do from ghosts and goblins  always finish up in locations that were established in act one  as if all the action has been confined to one wing of hill house . eighty million dollars was spent on the haunting  and despite a powerhouse box office debut  i doubt it will recoup its costs ( including marketing ) domestically . thank jan de bont for that : proving for the third time that speed was a fluke  in that it was actually enjoyable  de bont has served up another ride  sans thrill . his images  well - lit though they are  have an unmistakable been there - done that quality ; in fact  whole sequences  not to mention the cloaked  airy ghoul who owns the climax  feel lifted from a much smarter and infinitely more enjoyable spectacle from three summers back  peter jackson ', s the frighteners . i don ', t mean to suggest de bont is a plagiarist  i mean to suggest that he ', s a hack  having found no new ways to give us chills .
neg play it to the bone is a punch - drunk mess of a movie . containing a good cast but awful acting ; an interesting premise but terrible execution  ron shelton ( white men can ', t jump ) gives us a rocky story with not one rocky but two . rocky no . 1 is vince boudreau ( woody harrelson  edtv )  a bald  tattooed  newly converted christian  whose idea of christianity is not using the name of christ as a curse word . . . something that he has not yet successfully achieved . rocky no . 2 is caesar dominguez ( antonio banderas  the 13th warrior )  best friend of vince who is currently dating vince ', s ex - girlfriend  grace . both men are nearing the end of their " almost " careers when a fluke provides them with a redemptive opportunity . when both fighters of the undercard of a vegas based mike tyson title fight become incapacitated  the fight promoters need to find a quick replacement . our boys are tapped to fight each other  the winner of which is " promised " a shot at a future title fight . the film is divided into two sections . at first  we have a buddy road picture as our two heroes  in grace ', s " sassy grassy " green muscle car  travel through the desert to vegas in order to make the fight scheduled for that day . along the way we learn about their pasts and the opportunities that have come and gone by . once in vegas  the movie settles down to the effectively staged fight sequences between vince and caesar . both mr . harrelson and mr . banderas have provided us with stunning characterizations in the past  not that we ', d know it from their work here . mr . harrelson is uncomfortably awkward  apparently never having gotten a firm handle on vince . the christian conversion angle simply falls flat and unbelievable . mr . banderas is uncharacteristically non - charismatic as caesar . weak and ineffectual  there is little life in his screen performance . the other actors involved merely play stereotypes of one sort or another . tom sizemore ( saving private ryan )  robert wagner ( austin powers ii : the spy who shagged me )  and richard masur ( fire down below ) are crooked promoters  lucy liu ( payback ) is a sex - starved hitchhiker looking for a good time  and lolita davidovich ( gods and monsters )  is the shared girlfriend who can ', t make her mind up which boxer she prefers . because of the weak characters and the lack of screen chemistry between them  the film flounders with all the appeal of a dead fish until the boxing match actually begins . but even then  because the outcome is so predictably obvious  the suspense factor is negated and we are relegated to just watching two men pummel each other . writer / director ron shelton clearly spent much time orchestrating the fight sequence as it is well photographed  well - choreographed  well - edited  and well - performed . if only some of that same detailed attention had been diverted to the remaining parts of the film . as it is  the scenes which require the characters to actually talk to one another are weak and laughable . the title is actually the most interesting aspect of the film . the phrase  " play it to the bone ', is a reference to seeing something all the way through or not quitting until you ', ve achieved your desired goal . that is a biblical principle . " know ye not that they which run in a race run all  but one receiveth the prize ? so run  that ye may obtain . " 1 corinthians 9 : 24 [ kjv ] achieving anything worthy in life requires " playing it to the bone " . we need to develop fully persuaded mindsets and commitment levels in order to endure and persevere past the obstacles and distractions which lay between us and our stated objectives . this is true in practical matters of our physical lives as well as the in the developing maturity of our spiritual lives . as a movie  play it to the bone is hardly worth our time . but as a principle of life  the phrase " play it to the bone " are words to live by .
neg i have no real tangible proof of this  but i swear that there are a lot of producers in hollywood who adamantly believe that if you take a bad script  written by a bad writer and give the project it to an equally bad director  then it is actually possible to make a good movie . using their logic  all that really needs be done to change the bad movie into a good movie is cast a bunch of super - famous actors and provide an almost unlimited production budget . this is the only way i can fathom how 20th century fox hired jon amiel in order to direct this eighty million dollar waste of my time ( not counting the time it took me to get to and from the theatre ) . now  before i continue to ferociously attack what ', s wrong with this film  i just want to point out that one of the reasons it fails so miserably is because it does have the potential to be an exciting thriller . catherine zeta - jones plays virginia baker  an insurance investigator tracking down an infamous art thief named robert macdougal ( sean connery ) . if you ', ve ever seen any hollywood blockbuster before  i really don ', t have to spend too much time on frivolous plot details : the two team up for various jobs  stealing various things for various purposes . the problem we come to is that we ', ve all seen this a few billion times before and this film doesn ', t break any new ground in the big - budget / hollywood / action genre . the result is that the entire production feels contrived . i ', m going to be completely honest here : pretty much the only thing keeping me awake throughout the run - time was looking at catherine zeta - jones . now while this may be a compliment for ms . zeta - jones  it certainly isn ', t for either the writers or the director  who are not nearly as clever as they think they are . just about the most profound thought they can inject into this film is when they have macdougal lecture baker on the semantic difference between " entrapment " and " blackmail " . with an eighty million dollar budget  you ', d think that entrapment would at least feature edge - of - your seat action scenes or breathtaking special f / x . well  you ', d be wrong . the action that is present in this film takes place in a huge skyscraper and is relatively unspectacular . unfortunately for all those involved with entrapment  die hard narrowly beat it to the screen by ? 11 years . the reality is that after 15 minutes of watching this picture  you know exactly what ', s going to happen  despite rather pathetic attempts in the screenplay to throw in plot twists . many scenes seem to exist merely as a reason to outfit zeta - jones in extremely tight - fitting clothing . one particular scene features baker crawling around trying to avoid laser - beams while she tries to steal an ancient chinese mask . nothing wrong with that  but she entered the room from the floor and knew exactly where the mask was - so why didn ', t she and macdougal tunnel in directly under the mask instead of the other side of the room ? i ', ll tell you why : because it ', s a great excuse to photograph zeta - jones ', posterior as it slides underneath those beams ( and it also allows a second scene of the exact same thing - the rehearsal ) . ving rhames also makes an appearance in this movie  and though he has great screen presence ( although so do connery and zeta - jones ) and the most interesting character in the film  not even he can rescue this film from the depths of the boring film abyss ( a concept i invented just to describe this picture ) . one last complaint : entrapment is littered of instances where macdougal will just slip into a shadow or behind a building  or he becomes obstructed by a moving vehicle and then in the next shot  he ', ll spontaneously disappear in ninja - like fashion . i can picture amiel patting himself on the back  thinking to himself " it ', ll leave the audience wondering for days : how did he do that ? " we know jon  it ', s called editing .
neg when i originally saw the trailer for " analyze this " a few months ago  i must admit  i thought it looked kind of lame . and then when the commercials started popping up a week or two ago  i thought it looked outright bad . but then when " analyze this " finally opened a few days ago  an odd thing happened . it got great reviews . critics were proclaiming it " hilarious " and a " dead - on parody of mob movies " . well  with praise like that  i figured  it must be good and so i headed off to the theater . you know that expression that says always trust your gut instincts ? well  turns out that expression is more valid than i ever gave it credit for . " analyze this " is slow  unfunny  and badly acted . don ', t get me wrong  i think that deniro is one of the top ten greatest actors of the century  but he is just out of his league here . i think the problem is he didn ', t quite know how to approach this material . he plays his character  mob boss paull vitti  somewhere in between the realm of comedy and drama . if he had played the character straight  along the lines of leslie nielson in the " naked gun " series  he probably would have been a lot more successful . as it is  though  he plays the character completely serious at some moments  and for laughs at others . this doesn ', t work . it creates an uneven character that never breaks out of the deniro mold ; you always know it ', s him . and the movie is badly paced  too . it never takes off . it just crawls from one scene to another without any forward momentum . i think the blame for this should be placed on the script . it ', s obvious the writer had a good idea for a movie  mob boss faces breakdown and needs the services of a psychiatrist  but once this is established  the movie doesn ', t really go anywhere . the formula of the film seems to be this : billy crystal says no to deniro  deniro forces him  and much wackiness ensues . this formula of sorts is repeated several times throughout the movie . i ', ve said it before and i ', ll say it again : the only thing that matters to me in a comedy is whether or not it ', s funny . if " analyze this " had been funny  the pacing and bad acting wouldn ', t have bothered me . i would have been too busy laughing to notice . but as it is  i only chuckled a few times . the only really funny scene is a dead - on parody of " the godfather " . sadly  though  i don ', t think anyone in the audience i saw it with realized it was a parody  because i was the only one laughing . but my sense of humour  i have come to realize  is vastly different from the general population . i loathed " there ', s something about mary "  yet loved " baseketball " . now  if you want a movie that * i * think is funny  go out and see " office space " . it ', s full of genuine laughs and won ', t leave you glancing at your watch every 10 minutes  as " analyze this " did .
neg jean - claude van damme movies tend to be  if nothing else  a lot of mindless fun . his latest film  " knock off  " skips on the fun part leaving a wildly incoherent exercise that is  well  simply mindless . you can ', t really blame van damme . no one  i suspect  has ever expected " the muscles from brussels " to contribute a heartfelt performance brimming with introspection and delicate shades of gray . and even his sidekick co - star  " saturday night live " alumnus rob " makin ', copies " schneider  does what ', s expected of him  although neither appear to want the role of straight man . no  the problem with the film is its direction . the first five minutes of the film are incomprehensible . . . and it goes downhill from there ! five hundred characters  it seems  are introduced within the first fifteen minutes . van damme doesn ', t land his first kick until after thirty -- too late for most action fans -- and by the time the hour mark has rolled around  your jaw will be on your cup holder and you ', ll be wondering why you elected to spend seven dollars on this mess . director hark tsui  whose previous film was the van damme / dennis rodman teamed " double team  " films at such a frenetic pace that it ', s hard to know what ', s going on  who ', s on whose side  and what the point of all this is . faster than you can yell " fruit stand ! " we ', re watching a crazed rickshaw race with schneider being bounced along by an energetic van damme . when schneider starts whacking van damme in the behind with a four - foot eel while enthusing " move your beautiful big ass  " the movie takes an unprecedented turn to the bizarre . every now and again " knock off " will deliver some truly ingenious directorial flourishes -- inventive camera shots and angles  wild rides down gun silencers and from the tops of buildings to the sprawling street below  revealing cut - ins within the frame -- but they all happen too quickly  and within such a furious frame of reference  that they ', re wasted . if only hark could have slowed things down just for a minute . if you ', re interested in the plot  you ', re better off reading a capsule review than trying to extract any meaning from the on - screen shenanigans : " jean - claude van damme plays a shady bluejeans manufacturer who uncovers a russian mafia plot to terrorize the world with " nanobombs " hidden in cabbage patch knock - offs . maybe . with paul sorvino . " a more accurate summary would be " jean - claude van damme bums around hong kong failing to avoid large  blatant coca - cola product placements . " the fact that the film is staged during hong kong ', s last days under british rule gets some lip service but doesn ', t figure in at all . perhaps " knock off " ', s most intriguing credit is that ron and russell mael composed the frenzied music score . some of you might remember the mael brothers as the ', 80s synth pop duo sparks ; their contributions here are as confused as the accompanying action -- " kimono my house " indeed ! like the cheap jeans and " pumma " sneakers manufactured in hong kong  van damme ', s latest is a real phony .
neg in " twilight  " a ex - alcoholic  ex - cop  ex - husband  ex - private - eye  harry ross ( paul newman )  works for a pair of aging hollywood actors  catherine ( susan sarandon ) and jack ames ( gene hackman ) . jack is being blackmailed  and he asks harry to deliver the payoff . instead of the blackmailers  harry finds a dying ex - cop ( m . emmet walsh ) . as more bodies begin to pile up  harry realizes that he will have to solve the disappearance of catherine ', s first husband twenty years earlier to find out who ', s willing to kill to keep that secret buried . newman . sarandon . hackman . with an a - list cast of oscar laureates like that  " twilight " would seem very promising . however  the script is tired and predictable . it would serve well as a tv - movie - of - the - week  possibly with some 1970 ', s detective hero reprising his role . the appeal of the project for its stars and its director  robert benton  is nostalgia . " twilight " wants very much to be a 1940 ', s film noir with alan ladd or dick powell . all of the standard tropes are here : a hard - boiled p . i . among the rich and beautiful whose glamour hides sinister secrets  a femme fatale who tempts and confounds the hero  shadowy figures shooting from doorways  dead bodies confronting the hero at every turn  cops dogging his path and interfering with his investigation . the script offers little originality  and co - authors benton and richard russo seem unaware that what was original in 1948 is a clich ? in 1998 . elmer bernstein ', s score is hauntingly melodic and could have been drawn note - for - note from a vintage noir . the lead actors try hard - none of the three has every made less than a full effort  even when burdened with a bad script . they try to invest every line and gesture with meaning  and they create a convincing sense of the relationships between the main characters . harry is fond of jack but is in love with catherine . jack is dying of cancer and is jealous of harry ', s love for catherine . catherine teases harry and enjoys his attention  but her real feelings are hidden beneath a carefully - maintained veneer . " twilight " wants to be character - driven like " nobody ', s fool " ( also directed by benton  also starring newman  based on a novel by russo ) was  but the tired script gives the actors too little to work with . " twilight " also squanders a fine supporting cast : stockard channing ( harry ', s friend on the police force )  reese witherspoon ( jack & catherine ', s bratty kid )  giancarlo esposito ( the humorous sidekick )  john spencer ( harry ', s nemesis on the force )  liev schreiber and margo martindale ( the blackmailers )  and james garner ( a cop who bailed movie stars out of trouble ) .
neg there was probably a good reason that the warner bros . studio chose not to allow critics to view this steven seagal film when it first opened . and  after seeing this piece of toxic waste  i now know why . this movie is by far the worst offering that has hit the screen since possibly those ernest movies years ago . fire down below centers its story on a little mining town in god ', s country  somewhere in eastern kentucky . it ', s beauty and natural goodness is being slowly destroyed by an uncaring mining magnate ( kris kristopherson  who constantly looks like he wants to kill his agent for getting him this role ) . it turns out that he ', s filling the mines throughout kentucky with toxic waste for a tidy profit . seagal plays jack taggert  an aikido - versed  fighting machine  who is an agent with the epa . no . . . not the cia nor the fbi nor the nsa . it ', s the environmental protection agency . i had no idea that epa agents were trained to be killers ! taggert is sent to find the perpetrators and to bring them to justice . written by someone named jeb  i could already envision the stereotypes of incestuous relationships  banjo - picking preachers  and dumb - as - nails rednecks . but the script puts seagal right smack dab in the middle of all of these scenarios as he tries to discreetly fit in . seagal ', s idea of a disguise is a long - length $ 1000 leather jacket . but to get closer to the kinfolk  he will fix people ', s porches for free . that ', s another great epa asset - teaching agents how to fix porches . slow and plodding  this project is a total mess . the sometimes allure of watching seagal is watching him outmaneuver enemies that outnumber and outgun him like in under seige . here  his bravado basically turns into bullyness . townsfolk who are foolish enough to challenge seagal are quickly subdued . fight scenes are quick and senseless and offers no enjoyment value whatsoever . and his soap box message wears thin within the first 15 minutes . the most annoying moment comes when he barges into the middle of a sunday church ceremony  gets behind the pulpit  and beseeches the townsfolk to take control of their lives and to help clean up the environment . but the epitome of how moralistically mushy this film gets happens when the person responsible for the toxic dumping  kristopherson  meets up with seagal . kristopherson asks seagal how much it will take for him to go away . seagal gallantly replies : " i ', ll leave when you take the poison from the streams and the earth . " i was expecting patriotic music to start blasting and a show of fireworks in the background . this is truly nothing more than a pompous showcase for seagal ', s righteousness and narcissistic arrogance . seagal has been vanguard in trying to bring a new genre into the filmplace  that of the enviro - thriller ( on deadly ground ) . however  the message will never come across through poorly developed vehicles like this . still  i believe in preserving mother earth  so save your $ 5 and please donate it instead to some worthy environmentally conscious charity .
neg tom dicillo directs this superficial comedy about superficial people in superficial careers  all searching for deeper meaning . however  they won ', t find much meaning in the real blonde  and not enough real humor  either . joe ( matthew modine ) is a struggling actor  or he claims to be one  even though he has no credits under his belt . his girlfriend  mary ( catherine keener ) has no pretensions about her career : she ', s a makeup artist  working for the eccentric fashion photographer blair ( marlo thomas ) and supermodel of the month  sahara ( bridgette wilson ) . sahara  who has acquired a new age spirituality from repeated viewing of the little mermaid  has an on - again  off - again relationship with joe ', s best friend  bob ( maxwell caulfield ) . however  bob has gotten his biggest break yet : a starring role on a soap opera opposite the beautiful kelly ( daryl hannah )  who may be that illusive woman he ', s always pursued : a real blonde . there are some moments of good humor in the real blonde  but not enough . the best stuff is in throwaway details in the background  such as sahara ', s perfume ads : " depression - it ', s not just a state of mind " . but to find humor in the superficiality of models and actors is to shoot fish in a barrel . and  unfortunately  the film ', s forays outside the realm of comedy are pathetic . take for example the film ', s framing device of an old lady and her dog . the story serves absolutely no purpose  makes little sense  and is completely tangential to the main plotlines of the movie . matthew modine and catherine keener have the most sympathetic characters in the film  but they ', re stuck in the most boring plotlines . modine whines and complains and would be completely pathetic if he was matched against someone stronger than elizabeth berkley  who appears as another struggling actor . keener ', s character has a stronger edge  but the insult self - defense class ( taught by denis leary  no less ) she is stuck in makes little sense . the movie ', s running time is under two hours  but it seems like it is well over it . there ', s just not enough humor to speed things along  and not enough meaning to propel any drama .
neg the ads for " batman and robin " scream " the event of the summer is here " and that ', s the problem . the producers were apparently so intent on creating a spectacle that they forgot to put an actual movie inside of it . " batman and robin " is 126 minutes of lavish sets  flashy costumes and big  confusing fight scenes with barely a hint of substance . it ', s like one of those cheesy kings island stage shows ; bright  busy and visually diverting  but not very much fun . it wasn ', t always this way . tim burton ', s " batman " was an epic story of obsession and duality  of darkness and revenge . the film  while far from perfect  was a striking mood piece with an otherworldly feel . batman was a creepy  brooding creature of the night . the joker  brilliantly overplayed by jack nicholson  was at once charismatic and repellent . batman and the joker were opposite sides of the same coin  battling inner demons and one another over gotham city ', s breathtaking gothic skyline . those days of the dark knight are gone  replaced by a psychedelic ice capades run amuck . " batman and robin " has far more in common with the campy 60 ', s batman tv show than with tim burton ', s tale of darkness . the blame lies with director joel schumacher . a former window - dresser  schumacher is adept at decorating sets and dressing people in exotic costumes . unfortunately  when it comes time to have those people walk and talk  he hasn ', t the faintest notion of what to do . " batman and robin " is overstuffed with intricately choreographed fight scenes so poorly edited that it ', s often difficult to tell who ', s whacking who . while the characters flail at each other  one - liners and bad puns are tossed about like confetti . a few carefully placed jokes can set an action movie sailing  but too many wisecracks can undermine the momentum of a film . " batman and robin " doesn ', t merely lose momentum  it stalls out completely on several occasions . it ', s rare to see an action flick as sluggish as this one . ironically  the parts of " batman and robin " that work are the ones showing the characters in street clothing  and most of those succeed because of george clooney as bruce wayne . easily the best batman yet  clooney ', s expressive eyes and weary smile gives the character a sense of depth that the script doesn ', t even hint at . the film ', s most effective scene is a tender  quiet exchange between clooney and alfred ( michael gough )  bruce wayne ', s butler and surrogate father . as for the other heroes  chris o ', donnell ', s robin is enthusiastic  perky and horny as hell  while pudgy alicia silverstone is hard to accept as an athlete in her debut as batgirl . in a movie filled to the brim with major characters  the decision to add the entirely unnecessary batgirl and elle macpherson as bruce wayne ', s girlfriend is puzzling . i suspect the producers inserted the women in an attempt to convince audiences that two guys who run around in rubber suits with built - in nipples  shapely buttocks and huge codpieces are actually straight . of course  the real stars of a batman film are the villains and that ', s where " batman and robin " really suffers . as mr . freeze  arnold schwarzenegger gives his worst performance in years  spitting out a stream of lame catch phrases in wooden fashion . laboring under a ton of appliances  schwarzenegger looks as if he ', s having trouble even moving in his suit  let alone trying to act . uma thurman fares somewhat better as poison ivy . she overacts terribly in the early establishing scenes of her character ( it ', s apparently a rule in the batman series that before a person becomes a villain  s / he must be a cartoonish  bumbling nerd ) . once thurman transforms into the eco - psychotic poison ivy  she does a nice mae west impersonation as a classic vamp who can seduce men with her breath and kill them with a kiss . thurman fails to maintain the character ', s maniacal sense of style though  and ends up merely sputtering her way through the latter scenes of the film . the biggest lesson to be learned from " batman and robin " is that more is not better . joel schumacher fills the screen with eye candy ; but the technicolor overkill merely emphasizes what a trifle the film really is . some critics suggest that the batman series has run out of steam . i don ', t think so . my prescription ? fire joel schumacher ( but offer him a ticket to a rubber fetishist ', s convention so he ', ll understand that there ', s no hard feelings ) . give alicia silverstone her walking papers  while keeping clooney  o ', donnell and michael gough . call jack nicholson and michelle pfieffer and beg them to reprise their roles as the joker and catwoman . then  ditch the campiness and  for the love of pete  lose the " event " mentality and make a movie instead of a spectacle next time .
neg " gordy " is not a movie  it is a 90 - minute - long " sesame street " skit  and a very bad one at that . this movie is so stupid and dumb that it ', s depressing to think that some hollywood executives actually gave this the green light  and even more surprising is the fact that this is a disney movie . i ', m sure children are the target audience of this movie  but only kids under the age of five may be able to tolerate it . it is the story of a farm a piglet named gordy ( voiced by garms )  whose family has been taken away to " up north  " which we know means death . of course we can hear the animals talk to each other  and they actually went to the trouble of attempting to sync the voices with their mouths but it comes out terrible . actually  it ', s almost funny in a way . the only remotely interesting and likable character soon appears  a little girl named jinnie sue macallister ( young ) who sees gordy on the back of a truck and essentially steals him . jinnie is a country singer and the film goes off on a huge tangent to show her little concert and the people dancing to it . what is the point of this ? maybe she is one of the producer ', s relatives and they wanted to show her on camera to promote her or something . we then cut to a huge social gathering and drop in on another young kid named hank royce ( roescher ) who is sad because his divorced mother is dating . he leaves the party and meets jinnie sue  but he accidentally falls in a pool ( probably because he was sitting on the diving board with a $ 200 suit on - nah  didn ', t see that one coming ! )  starts to drown  and is miraculously saved as gordy pushes an inflatable float over to him and saves him . if this had not been insanely stupid already the story quickly changes when jinnie gives gordy to hank who then ends up becoming the ceo of a food processing corporation when hank ', s grandfather  the original ceo  dies and leaves his fortune to hank . . . and gordy ! of course there must be a villain  but even this villain ( donadio as sipes ) isn ', t that evil . he never raises his voice or becomes angry  and of course he has the typical idiot goons kidnap gordy but this is just so beyond stupid and cartoony we are constantly two steps ahead of the story . it ', s hard to tell whether the overall corniness and cheesiness to the movie is intentional because it is a family film  or if the filmmaker ', s are just this untalented and stupid . at times " gordy " is tolerable to watch  thus earning it one star and not the dreaded " z - . " but it ', s just so unbelievably boring  cliche  dumb  unfunny  corny  and just plain bad it may scare children  it certainly disturbed me . ( 4 / 21 / 96 ) ( 1 / 29 / 97 ) ( 6 / 13 / 97 ) [ see also : " babe " ]
neg senseless ( r ) marlon wayans is a very talented physical comedian  and it is that gift that brings senseless moments of life . alas  moments are simply that  moments  which are not enough to lift this fantasy / comedy above its one - joke premise . granted  that one joke is initially amusing . when wayans ', s darryl witherspoon  an economics major at stratford university  hits some dire financial straits  he becomes a guinea pig for a experimental drug that heightens all five senses . after some initial side effects and problems controlling his superhuman senses  darryl learns to enjoy the benefits of his abilities and uses them to land a position at a highly esteemed corporate firm . at this point  the film sounds more like senseful than senseless  but through some turns of the plot  darryl finds himself only able to use four of his five senses at once  essentially leaving him -- yes -- senseless . this sets up some showcase moments for wayans ', s gift for physical comedy  especially when darryl loses his sense of feeling and his body goes completely  hilariously limp . but these gags  and the gag behind the entire movie  quickly grows stale . once darryl is shown without the use of all of the senses  instead of exploring any new comic territory  director penelope spheeris and screenwriters greg erb and craig mazin take the easy way out and simply recycle each form of senselessness . wayans approaches each go - round with gusto  but by this point he ', s simply treading water for the rest of the film ', s unfunny duration . senseless would not be as problematic as it is if it didn ', t strive to be anything more than a comic trifle . however  the raucous and often raunchy comedy is wrapped in a blanket of bogus sincerity . darryl goes through the experiment in order to help his cash - strapped family  and this " serious " angle seems to come from an entirely different movie . unlike wayans ', s last starring vehicle  the surprisingly effective ( and serious ) the 6th man  the " emotional " content of senseless is forced and unconvincing . any attempt at anything more substantial than broad comedy fizzles -- darryl ', s romance with janice ( tamara taylor )  a young woman who yearns for a man who is true to himself  does not generate sparks of any kind . once his wb television sitcom the wayans bros . comes to an end  the genuinely funny marlon wayans has a promising big - screen future ahead of him . but if he continues to associate himself with projects as flat as senseless  his film career could go the way of his once - promising older brother  damon  who is now set to make his comeback -- on television .
neg a slight romantic comedy with a feminist bent  but one with no edge to it . it turns out to be a conventional film filled with the usual clich ? s and stock characters of this genre . though it ', s a well - written and well - acted fluff piece  it still does not have too much to say that is surprising . it ', s made for the gentle art - house set  those who don ', t want something too disturbing to think about . it ', s about a critically successful writer husband  alec ( pryce )  who is so self - absorbed that he ', s threatened by his department store floor - walking model wife  kate ( bouquet )  who wants to be a writer . she meets his crass publisher  vanni corso ( walken )  another self - absorbed man  and a predictable relationship occurs . the fireworks occur because she outgrows her husband ', s first impressions of her as someone who was impressed with his genius and worships at his feet . she now wants her own identity and her independence . the film looked like the usual sitcom stuff  and is plagued with the cheap set design features reserved for a tv movie . the film sagged in the middle of the story from the weight of its tedium  and eventually landed on its rear end with its unspectacular climax . it ', s set in london  and it opens as model kate rebuffs sexual advances by a wealthy american shopper  vanni . she later meets him as her hubby ', s new upstart publisher who seeks to have her intellectual author husband in his stable in order to give him credibility as a publisher of quality  and he quickly wins favor with her by publishing her vanity novel . alec who is an obnoxious grouse  someone whom it seems it would be impossible to live with  tries to do everything to stop his wife from having her book published -- which only pushes her into the grasping arms of vanni . the publisher is proud that he ', s a mamma ', s boy who never married and is a self - made man who has earned millions . he has recently acquired a failing old london publishing house and plans to revitalize it  as he proudly tells kate : " if my father could sell pizzas in harlem  i could sell culture in europe . " the only thing that couldn ', t be sold  is this stiff story and tired plot line . the mystery to me  is how the lovely kate could like either man unless she was an insensitive dummy . she soon divorces the beleaguered alec and marries the soon - to - become - beleaguered vanni . when she writes a second novel  he rebuffs her the same way her first hubby did . it ends with the same results that happened to hubby number one  as its story of ambition and lust winds down in a whimper . a business affair was loosely based on the real - life literary and romantic travails of married authors barbara skelton and cyril connolly  in their celebrated 1950s love triangle .
neg if you ', re the kind of person who goes to see movies just because you long for some of that overpriced theatre popcorn ( butter optional )  then this is the movie for you ! indeed  this has got to be either one of the most unimaginative rip - offs of other recent action movies  or an incredibly unfunny spoof of them . it ', s difficult to fathom such insipidness unless you actually watch this film . but at least we ', re warned very quickly that we may regret our ticket purchase  giving us an opportunity to sneak on out and into the adjacent show . what are the four ingredients of a really bad action movie ? first  the movie gives us an introductory premise . huge caverns exist deep beneath the ocean floor  and in this area  many ships have disappeared . oooh . . . scary ! secondly  a cheesy soundtrack tries to connote a tone of mystery  but only succeeds in drowning our ears with an abrasive musical score . third  the main character is a mercenary that delivers goods without asking about the contents of his cargo ( treat williams ) . he operates a sophisticated military - style pt boat and every word that comes out of his mouth is awash in comical flippancy . finally  in the cargo hold  we see those that hired him . they are also mercenaries that have tough - looking haircuts  talk with accents  and try to show how macho they are . during their trip across the stormy sea  their boat suffers an incident and requires repairs . spotting a cruise ship in the distance  they make their way to the ocean liner and devise a plan to raid the machine shop  take the parts that they need  and then continue on their merry way . little do they know that this cruise ship has become infested by some kind of ocean monster . yet  they board the ship armed to the hilt with grenades and machine guns that can kill dozens in a matter of seconds . this is nothing more than a by - the - book action film . their realization of the situation that they ', re in doesn ', t happen until they are in the bowels of the boat . those who are dumb enough to stray off on their own will ultimately get killed . the corridors on the ship are narrow  misty  and provide the kind of atmosphere that all scare - fests must have . yet  despite the predictable nature of this film  there are some scary " boo " moments . but most of it is just outright silly . and this film is unusually gory too . monsters basically suck off the flesh and spit out skeletal remains . there is one particularly neat scene where a monster has been cut apart and reveals a victim that is still alive . he screams horribly as the monster ', s digestive juices continue to slowly eat him away . additionally  it borrows heavily from speed2  alien and a bunch of other recent films . the mercenaries even run into a lone  surviving passenger ( femke jannsen ) who looks amazingly like sandra bullock . to be honest  when i left the theatre  i just had to laugh at how witless the film was . it ', s moronic fun at best . so  if you ', re hankering for a large bucket of popcorn served with a side of silliness  then this might just hit the spot .
neg synopsis : when a meteorite crashlands in the arizona desert  community college professors ira kane ( duchovny ) and harry block ( jones ) are first on the scene . they discover that an alien lifeform has arisen from the rock and is evolving at an amazing rate . soon the army  advised by dr allison reed ( moore )  moves in and forces kane and block out . but when the aliens begin to menace society  it may take the scientists ', combined efforts to stop them before they terminate the evolution of another lifeform : humanity . review : " evolution " certainly has the ingredients for a decent comedy . it ', s directed by reitman  clearly trying to parlay his " ghostbusters " success into a twenty - first - century counterpart . it stars duchovny  and although one might question his judgment in lampooning his " x - files " character so soon after leaving the tv series  it should certainly provide him with plenty of ammunition . and then there ', s moore  who may not have much prior experience in comedy  but who has certainly proven her ability as an actress . a shame  then  that it all deteriorates into such a hopelessly unfunny morass . " evolution " is a movie more concerned with its special effects ( which are quite good ) than anything resembling a consistently funny script . it has its moments ( a scene in which jones ', body is invaded by an alien is particularly entertaining )  but there are embarrassingly long stretches that are utterly devoid of humour . moore is totally wasted  her clumsy shtick getting very old  very fast . duchovny has stunningly little in the way of material to work with . and the story is so formulaic  it could have been written by monkeys . part of what made " ghostbusters " so wonderful was a combination of a great script and characters the audience could root for . " evolution " is so mind - numbingly tedious that it ', s difficult not to start cheering for the aliens .
neg deceiver is a plot twist in search of a movie . this overly constructed film succeeds in having many surprises  and  being true to its title  being deceptive . but there is little in the film that is worthy of deceit . braxton ( chris penn ) and kennesaw ( michael rooker ) are two cops investigating the brutal murder of a prostitute ( renee zellweger ) . their lone suspect is wayland ( tim roth )  a wealthy young man whose phone number was found in the hooker ', s pocket . however  a routine lie detector test turns against the investigators  as the crafty wayland somehow turns the tables . braxton and kennesaw are forced to confront their own troubled lives . braxton is a gambling addict in deep to mook ( ellen burstyn )  a local bookie . kennesaw is bitter about his marriage to a socialite ( rosanna arquette )  believing his wife to be unfaithful . the plot is twisty and complex  with lots of lengthy flashbacks  and plenty of surprises . however  there are times when it is needlessly complex  and at least one instance the storytelling turns so muddled that the answers to important plot points actually get lost . take a look at l . a . confidential  or the film ', s more likely inspiration  the usual suspects for how a complex plot can properly be handled . the dialogue in deceiver is as overcrafted as the plot . for example  the film tells a few substories ( such as the tale of a woeful absinthe bender  or an alternative telling of how van gogh lost his ear )  but they are so flat and so plastic that they come off as prefabricated and unbelievable . there ', s never the sense that these are real characters engaging in conversation . they appear to be nothing more than words on a screenplay . the characters  themselves  are rather pathetic and despicable . not one of them is an ounce sympathetic  and as a result  the labyrinthine plot is all for naught . what does it matter who is guilty of what and why ? writer - directors josh and jonas pate seem to desire to emulate the coen brothers ', masterwork blood simple  or the wachowski brothers ', less worthy bound . but  while they have got the plot twists down cold  they need to work on characterization and dialogue .
neg this is the kind of movie that makes one appreciate disney ', s live - action george of the jungle . tarzan and the lost city  the latest attempt to bring edgar rice burrough ', s legendary hero to the big screen  is one of the most inept and ill - timed of any tarzan adventure so far . badly conceived and poorly executed  tarzan and the lost city appears headed for a quick trip to video store shelves . i have no idea why the producers chose now to bring back tarzan ; it ', s not as if there are legions of new fans clamoring for his next movie . furthermore  it ', s even more curious that this film is rated pg  which  by definition  rules out any sex or explicit violence . and  while i ', m not advocating the excesses embraced by the 1981 bo derek version of the story  tarzan deserves a slightly more adult approach than the one used in the embarrassing production . of course  no tweaking of the content to change the rating could have saved tarzan and the lost city  since the film ', s troubles originated with the script and were propagated all the way down the line . imagine george of the jungle stripped of all ( intentional ) humor  and you have a fair idea of what this tarzan is like . with its uninspired action and tepid adventure sequences  the film barely registers a pulse . anyone in search of a relatively entertaining  family jungle adventure should check out the 1994 version of the jungle book  which uses the same basic elements to much better effect . the only worthwhile element of tarzan and the lost city is the pretty scenery ( which  unfortunately  includes the two lead actors ) . the film doesn ', t attempt to re - tell the origin story ? the thinking is that it has been done often enough . instead  tarzan and the lost city introduces us to lord graystoke a . k . a . john clayton a . k . a . tarzan the ape man ( casper van dien ) several days before his marriage to lady jane porter ( jane march ) . he is living happily in england  enjoying the benefits of being a land - owning noble . meanwhile  in central africa  the dastardly nigel ravens ( steven waddington )  a self - proclaimed scholar and explorer  believes he has found the way to the lost city of opar  which he calls the cradle of civilization . on the way there  he and his band of mercenaries do all sorts of nasty things  like burning native villages  to earn the wrath of the locals . one shaman  determined to stop ravens from unearthing opal  sends a mystical message to tarzan for help . with lady jane following close behind  he returns to the jungle where he was born . its patently obvious that casper van dien ( one of the pretty - boy heroes of starship troopers ) was not hired on the basis of his acting ability . with his plastic facial expressions  monotone voice  and complete inability to make convincing animal noises  his range rivals that of steven seagal . his pecs  however  are impressive  and director carl schenkel makes sure that he is given every opportunity to show them off . jane march  on the other hand  has to keep her shirt on  which may be a first for her . some six years ago  march give a solid performance in jean jacques annaud ', s steamy the lover . since then  she made the career - killing decision of appearing opposite bruce willis in the color of night  which exploited her every acting defiency . tarzan continues this trend . march may be attractive  but  at least judging by this performance  she can ', t act . meanwhile  steven waddington has serious trouble summoning up the menace necessary to be a really detestable bad guy . instead  he turns out to be little more than a nuisance . the story line is pure formula  which has largely been true throughout the years for almost all of the tarzan movies . the problem is that this one seems so childish and lifeless . the romantic elements are all contrived ? in fact  lady jane ', s presence is necessary only so she can be captured and subsequently rescued by her buff fiance . the special effects are truly bottom - of - the - barrel ( including some laughably bad men in ape costumes ? apparently  animatronics were too expensive for this production ) . and  of course  as with all jungle movies  there are the obligatory cute animals . over the years  the legend of tarzan has been one of the most popular sources for film series material . the most famous ape man was johnny weismuller  but no less than two dozen other actors have essayed the part ( including gordon scott  who is widely believed to be the best actor to tackle the role ) . weismuller made 12 tarzan features ; van dien will probably fall 11 short of that number . and  having seen tarzan and the lost city  i would argue that the movie - going public would have been well served if he had missed by 12 .
neg " desperate measures " is a generic title for a film that ', s beyond generic . it ', s also a depressing waste of talent  with the solid team of michael keaton and andy garcia unthankfully thrown thankless lead roles  not to mention once - cool director barbet schroeder sadly continuing his string of not - cool flicks -- this thriller is more " before and after " than " reversal of fortune . " the movie is a big disappointment  and yet it ', s somewhat easy to see what motivated such big names to attach themselves to it -- the premise is both promising and intriguing . too bad the execution ', s all wrong  though  because the set - up of " desperate measures " boasts some rather enticing elements that deserve to be put to far better use . san francisco cop frank connor ( garcia ) is a single parent with a troubling dilemma -- his son matt ( joseph cross ) is stricken with cancer which only a bone marrow transplant can push into remission . even worse  the only compatible donor is violent sociopath peter mccabe ( michael keaton )  currently serving a life sentence for multiple murders and other various crimes against society . connor tries his best to convince mccabe to go along with the surgery ; he ', s at first reluctant  but reconsiders after he realizes he can plan his escape at the hospital . when he does make a run for it  connor offers close pursuit  but for different reasons than his superiors ( including the crusty brian cox ) -- they want to take mccabe down  while connor needs to keep him alive  or all hope is lost for his little boy . one misstep " desperate measures " makes is in its underdevelopment of matt ', s illness . what ', s needed are more details as to exactly why mccabe is the only bone marrow match that works ; there would seem to be other possible contenders somewhere in the country  and thus many of the ways that connor endangers the lives of himself and those around him by attempting to keep mccabe alive are just a little too hard to swallow . take  for example  a scene where mccabe is trying to make a getaway by climbing over an elevated passage tunnel connecting two sections of the hospital . the police have their spotlight and guns aimed right on him  and what does connor do ? he shoots the spotlight out so that mccabe can continue his flight . connor knows very well what dangerous deeds this guy is capable of  and yet never seems to think that mccabe will eventually get to and try to harm his son . whatever . to be fair  though  the lack of story background is the least of the movie ', s problems . first and foremost is how cheaply " desperate measures " trades the potential of it ', s opening scenes for the routine action ballistics of its final hour . once mccabe escapes  the film becomes the fugitive in reverse and with no thrills . there are countless scenes where the good guys catch up to keaton only to have him grab a hostage and get away . also  the movie is so intent on giving you a hoot - inducing  lip - smacking villain ( the ads have compared peter mccabe to hannibal lechter  natch ) that it completely casts garcia ', s frank connor by the dullsville wayside ; " desperate measures " appears to like its antagonist so much more than its protagonist  and the movie ', s head - scratcher of a send - off confirms this . there is some good to be found amongst this mess  particularly in the acting department . cast against type  michael keaton ', s understated menace is highly effective . although he ', s not given much believable to work with  andy garcia plays off a taut emotional chord . joseph cross  as garicia ', s ailing son  is surprisingly unsentimental  and marcia gay harden lends solid support as a doctor who becomes a major player in the unfolding chaos . this cast does its best to camouflage the sorry plot as it chugs towards an inevitably happy ending  but most is lost . it goes without saying that " desperate measures " needs an operation of its very own .
neg robin williams is a comedic genus . that is  he is one when he ', s in a film that allows him space to move . " flubber " straps him in a straitjacket  covers him with duct tape  stuffs him in a coat closet and piles furniture against the door to make sure that he doesn ', t get out . in a re - make of its own 1961 " absent minded professor "  disney offers us proof that more is definitely less . recycling old films ( " that darned cat "  " 101 dalmatians " ) dressed up as new is the newest money machine from the home of the mouse that roared . professor phillip brainard ( williams ) is a terminally forgetful scientist teaching at a small college . his fiancee  sara jean reynolds ( marcia gay harden )  president of the college is none too happy with him because he ', s left her waiting at the altar due to his lack of short - term -- and long - term -- memory . she ', s giving him one more chance . he blows that chance when he invents " flubber " ( flying rubber ) and is so excited by his discovery that sara jean is once again awaiting him in her white dress . his tardiness is helped along by his jealous flying robotic assistant who wants him all to herself . it ', s not all bad news . flubber is a green jello that can magnify and reflect energy that is applied to it . brainard realizes the commercial potential within the goo can save the school from bankruptcy and being taken over by the town ', s evil industrialist charles hoenicker ( raymond barry ) . while he ', s busy with his new breakthrough  the slighted sweetheart is being wooed by his sleazy rival wilson croft ( christopher mcdonald ) . there ', s a flying car  flubber - enhanced basketball game and an assortment of broken lab equipment : none of which are the least bit interesting or funny . at one point  my son looked around the audience and asked " why are these people laughing ? " although williams turns in one of his least inspired roles  he is easily the most lively of the actors . everyone else comes across as half - asleep . the re - make is successful in that respect . it feels like a bad disney movie from the sixties . i remember the original as being charming  but my guess is that the memory from almost four decades ago has been artificially enhanced by the years . there have been some updates . fred macmurray ', s flying model t has been replaced by a t - bird . his faithful dog charlie is now " weebo "  the hovering robot . the biggest change is that  with sophisticated computer animation  we now can have films show off special effects without being at all entertaining . flubber is anthropomorphized into a being supposedly with personality . the gloop has little arms and legs and splits into tiny little gloopettes for a big dance number . this has nothing to do with the story . the only possible reason is to create merchandising opportunities so that kids can badger their parents into taking them to mcdonalds for the toys . not that contributing little to the plot is a big problem . there are very few aspects of the film that move the story and those that do don ', t make sense . the discovery of flubber is going to save the college because brainard can sell his flying car to ford . anyone with half a brain would be able to see that his intelligent flying automaton is worth billions . it ', s unbelievable that his lover ( well  probably not a lover -- after all this is disney ) starts dating croft after the aborted wedding . there ', s not one appealing component of this man . after the professor discovers that smearing a golf ball with the gunk causes it to bounce uncontrollably around his lab wreaking havoc  i cringed as he picked up a bowling ball . this guy is beyond forgetful  venturing into the certifiable . co - writer john hughes used to direct light - weight but thoughtful teen films . the care behind " pretty in pink " and " the breakfast club " all went out the window after his " home alone " franchise heated up the box offices . looking much like " home alone 3 1 / 2 "  " flubber " even features a couple of vapid goons who get banged around and a cute little boy who screams a lot . in some ways  it ', s difficult to judge this film . i have a suspicion that i ', m not it ', s target audience . after all  i measure my age in two digits .
neg ever watch a very young child try and tell a joke that is beyond his  or her  sophistication ? it ', s full of stops and starts and usually  the punch line is ruined . i felt the same way watching drowning mona . skip a stone across water and you approximate the depth of this attempt at an ensemble comedy . there are some slightly successful attempts at humor  but they only serve as window dressing . there is a running gag about the town  verplanck  n . y .  being a test town for the then new yugo . everyone drives a yugo  differentiating their cars with personalized license plates . even the police chief drives one . there is a certain sublimeness to the image of a lights and siren decked out yugo skittering its way through the town streets . there also is a running gag about one of the characters  jeff  missing a hand and how it occurred . it pokes gentle fun at the notion of urban legends . it turns out the truth is more horrifying than any legend . there are some sight gags that pop up as well  such as mona ', s tombstone  which reads " demoted "  instead of devoted . still  the core of the story maintains the flatness of a still pond . the lynchpin of the film falls on the redundant and sporadic scenes involving mona ( midler ) . each scene with her is the same : scream at someone  hit someone  then scream some more . there ', s no uniqueness or modulation to her or explanation for her meanness . anyone off the street could have played the role  such as it is . the other characters are walking cardboard cutouts . each one is defined by one trait and no further attempt is made at deeper characterization . there is a burly  female car mechanic  so of course  there is a forced lesbianism gag . mona ', s son  jeff ( marcus thomas ) is a simpleton  hence you can predict his dialogue before it even plods its way from his mouth . chief of police rash ( devito ) likes broadway musicals and loves his daughter . there ', s nothing more to him . elle  the chief ', s daughter ( campbell )  is bland personified  a dutiful girl with no higher aspiration than to have a child and be married . mona ', s husband phil ( fichtner ) jeckle and hydes from shirking coward to reptilian letch . bob ( affleck )  elle ', s betrothed  and business partner to jeff  is a mumbling  obvious dullard . there is no contrast to any of the characters . by having at least one character with some wit  or wits  to serve as counterpoint to the others  perhaps steinfeld ', s attempt at satirizing a small town infested with ambitionless people might have come off better . ostensibly a murder mystery  drowning mona gives you almost all the clues immediately  then lets you sit back and feel superior as you watch the cast of paper people fumble their way to finding the killer  who could be anyone due to mona ', s loving manner with everyone on town . even that aspect of the film fails  throwing in a convenient  ridiculous and unsatisfying wrap to things . it ', s been a while since i walked away from a movie theater in an angry mood . what makes it all the more remarkable is that i rarely remember a comedy making me so angry for wasting my time at it ', s ineptitude .
neg what are we going to do with jim carrey ? viewers of television ', s " in living color " know this one - man cartoon from such characters as fire marshall bill . viewers also know that " in living color " is a skit - show and that a little of jim carrey goes a long way . unfortunately  this fact was forgotten by the makers of the carrey comedy ace ventura : pet detective . three writers  including carrey  worked on the slapstick story  which sends a self - styled " pet detective " on the trail of a stolen dolphin . the missing mammal belongs to the miami dolphins  who need their mascot for the upcoming superbowl . for plot porpoises  this story works as well as any three stooges short . carrey gets to do his " official " schtick as he snoops around greater miami . he leers and sneers  craning his neck to funny effect . he even does his captain kirk impersonation . again . all of this is pretty harmless stuff up until the point that you realize that the writers have absolutely no intention of focusing on anyone * other * than carrey . ( suggested alternate title -- jim carrey : will do anything for a laugh . ) export it to france and you may have a hit . as it stands  ace ventura isn ', t even good kid ', s stuff . the profanity count  alone  is too high . which is ironic  since children are  probably  carrey ', s best audience . the film doesn ', t even have the goofball charm of chris elliott ', s recent no - brainer cabin boy . sure  carrey has his moments . but what can you say about a film whose high - points include watching carrey slink around to the theme from " mission impossible ? " ace ventura has one glaring incongruity . amid the butt - jokes and double - takes  the script takes great pains to set - up an elaborate and rather funny " crying game " gag . and  for * this * intended audience  that takes ( ahem ) cojones .
neg there are some pretty impressive stars in lost in space - it ', s just that none of them happen to be actors . the stars i ', m referring to are the computer generated ones that make up the movie ', s " outer space " ; the stars that the less impressive actors hurtle thru as they try to find their way home . yes  in terms of acting  the star power is . . . well  more like a falling star . kinda pretty  short - lived  and pretty much dead . lost in space  as if you really didn ', t know  is based on the 60 ', s sci - fi television series of the same name . it ', s the year 2058  and earth ', s precious resources are quickly being usurped by the needs of its massive population . john robinson ( william hurt ) is the scientist leading a mission program to colonize a foreign planet . earth ', s entire existance is contingent upon a successful mission  but nobody  whether it be john ', s family or hired battle pilot don west ( matt leblanc )  seems too enthusiastic about leaving their home planet for several years . john ', s family consists of his wife maureen ( mimi rogers )  his atypical teenage daughter penny ( lacey chabert )  his ingenious son will ( jack johnson )  and his beautiful scientist daughter judy ( heather graham ) . despite everyone ', s reluctance  the jupiter 2 spacecraft abandons planet earth and makes its way into the vast eternity of space . unknown to anyone but the audience  there is an evil doctor stowaway determined to sabotage the entire mission . dr . smith ( gary oldman ) has been hired by a group of rebel conspirators to turn the expedition sour  and dr . smith has re - programmed a talking robot to " destroy robinson family " ! when everything that could go wrong does go wrong for both sides  the spaceship is warped to an unknown destination  and now the premise of being lost in space is complete . as for the audience  you will likely be lost in boredom by this point  wondering if the plot  like the jupiter 2  will ever get off the ground . it ', s hard to tell who deserves the most blame - the incredibly bland and corny characters or the horrifically lame script ? chabert is basically the only one to overdo it  sounding like a whiny munchkin on helium . if you  like me  were convinced by commercials that her voice was altered for some sort of plot twist where her body would be taken over by aliens  you ', re wrong ! that ', s just her normal voice ! in yet another example of a " friend " faltering on the big screen  leblanc is so incredibly dull and yet so obviously trying so hard to be so incredibly charming ( make sense ? )  it makes you want to shove his ass out the escape pod corridor without an escape pod . graham is a babe - thank goodness there was something for me to think about during this film . hurt  the black hole of excitement  sucks up any energy that might have been left . if hurt were available in tablet form  he would be a prescription strength sleeping pill . johnson isn ', t dull  he ', s just lame as the young know it all who winds up saving everybody ', s ass all the time . want an example of how cool this kid can be ? how about when he convinces the robot to think with its heart and reconsider killing the family ? hey  don ', t laugh - the thing actually listened to the mr . rogers - would - be - proud sentiment . but alas  if you thought a character couldn ', t be much worse  there was rogers as the epitome of generic ( or  mother as she was known ) . why hire an actress ? they could ', ve had a white cardboard cutout with the word mom printed on it . now that would ', ve had some pizzazz ! lost in space luckily doesn ', t suffer in every single category that it could have . the special effects are crisp  clear  and at least mildly captivating  unlike any of the presences onscreen save it be oldman  who plays his evil character with a great deal of fun and finesse . unfortunately  oldman is locked away for most of the film  giving us nothing but ample mocking opportunities to enjoy . while the special effects are pleasing to the eye  they are nothing you couldn ', t find in most modern sci - fi films . contact  for example  far exceeds this film in terms of imagery and imagination . lost in space just has too many shortcomings to ever be considered a work of cinematic art  with numerous contradictions ( the time travel aspect was horribly flawed ! )  wooden and corny acting  worse dialogue  and an ending so disappointing  you ', d be happier to have seen the entire robinson family get blown to smithereens . then again  with an ending like this film has  it ', s obvious a sequel is already being considered . what an awful note to end on  knowing there could be more of this in a year or two . the attempt to be family oriented is commendable  but lost in space is lost with the illusion that special effects and the nostalgia of a classic tv series being revisited is enough to satisfy all age groups . well  danger potential movie goers ! danger ! this movie crash lands without ever breaking thru the atmosphere of mediocrity .
neg so  it ', s thirty years later  and oscar and felix are together again . that might have been an exciting notion if it wasn ', t for the fact that the " odd couple " of jack lemmon and walter matthau have been reunited in several recent movies : 1993 ', s " grumpy old men  " 1995 ', s " grumpier old men  " and 1997 ', s " out to sea " ( i . e . " grumpiest old men " ) . so  " the odd couple ii " ( i . e . " the grumpiest old men of all  really " ) seems just another entry in a tired series . the plot is even similar to that of " grumpy old men " in that lemmon and matthau ', s mismatched characters are brought together by a romance between their children . oscar ', s son ( jonathan silverman ) and felix ', s daughter ( lisa waltz ) are getting married  and former roommates felix ungar ( lemmon ) and oscar madison ( matthau ) meet at the airport and decide to share a car . . . then hilarity ensues . well  a few chuckles ensue anyway . neil simon  the award - winning playwright who created oscar and felix  provides the screenplay  which is a shock  because the script is a piece of talentless hackwork from beginning to end . unlike the original play / movie  " odd couple ii " doesn ', t find its humor in the personality conflict of its characters . instead  it depends upon a series of humorous situations : oscar and felix lose the car over a cliff  are caught smuggling mexicans over the border  take up with two women on the run from their violent husbands ( the women are played by christine baranski of " cybill " and jean smart of " designing women " )  and hitch a ride with a man who dies in the desert . the original 1968 movie " the odd couple " remains a classic comedy . it introduced the motif of roommate - as - spouse that has provided gags for movies and sitcoms ever since . it was the second outing for the lemmon / matthau team ( which debuted in 1966 ', s " the fortune cookie " )  and they made a couple more worthwhile comedies  " the front page " ( 1974 ) and " buddy buddy " ( 1981 )  before going their separate ways . the reunion of lemmon and matthau in " grumpy old men " six years ago was delightful  and its sequel seemed appropriate because it tied up some loose ends from the first movie . but " out to sea " and " the odd couple ii " are just beating a grumpy old horse . ( you can add lemmon ', s " my fellow americans  " i . e . " grumpy old presidents  " to that list  too . ) let ', s hope that hollywood offers these two actors something fresh to do . let ', s hope also that we see neil simon ', s name on movies that do it justice ( this is his first since 1993 ', s " lost in yonkers " ) .
neg except for a few bright moments of good verbal comedy  that old feeling is embarrassing to sit through . bette midler and dennis farina play lilly and dan  actress and author  once married  now violently divorced  and back together one last time for their daughter molly ', s ( paula marshall ) wedding . lilly and dan hate each other passionately -- so passionately that they have sex at the wedding and fall in love again . each ditches his or her current spouse of 14 years and runs off with the other . molly  married now only 24 hours  runs off in search of her irresponsible parents while her husband keith ( jamie denton ) tries to console the abandoned spouses . in molly ', s search for her parents  she somehow falls in love with lilly ', s paparazzo joey ( danny nucci ) . meanwhile  the newlywed keith ends up consoling dan ', s wife rowena ( gail o ', grady ) in bed . the audience i saw this with apparently thought that all the adultery was hilarious . i ', m no dan quayle  but i thought it was a bit creepy . the message seemed to be " ignore your responsibilities unrepentantly and have fun fucking who you wish . " " family values " aside  there ', s something cruel about all this . perhaps this movie would have played well as a black comedy  but the movie is a romantic comedy . we are supposed to be rooting for these creeps . reiner and screenwriter leslie dixon tried to make it easier on us by making the victims unlikeable . lilly ', s husband is a new - age flake who rambles about " emotional valet parking  " so we can write him off as irrelevant . dan ', s wife is vain  manipulative  and jealous so we can write her off as a bitch . molly ', s husband is a career - conscious  self - centered republican politician who thinks she ', s too fat ( and just for good measure  he also fucked dan ', s wife )  so we can write him off as a prick . everyone else falls in love . but still  that somehow doesn ', t justify the actions of the movie ', s main characters . " he ', s a prick " or " she ', s a bitch " is no defense . the movie is somewhat redeemed by some funny dialog -- often during heated arguments -- and by above - average performances by midler and farina ( breaking out of his character - actor mold ) . other than that  it ', s a standard romantic comedy with a very substandard gimmick .
neg maybe this mission should have been scrubbed mission to mars a film review by michael redman copyright 2000 by michael redman there ', s a world of difference between artists and technicians . the artist has a vision to create something new . he may not do it well  it might be sloppy  but it ', s something you ', ve never seen before . a good technician can make it look good  but without direction from his own inner artist or someone else  it ', s going to be just a xerox . obviously successful films need both skills . brian de palma is a masterful technician . he ', s spent his career copying others  most notably hitchcock . he usually knows exactly what to do to make a scene work  but only because he has learned it by rote . aside from rare flashes of originality  his films are often soul - dead . in de palma ', s latest  he turns his attention to stanley kubrick . to tell the truth  i enjoyed portions of this movie  but i liked it a lot better over 30 years ago when it was called " 2001 " . i enjoyed it even more when it was titled " close encounters " . nasa has set its sights for mars . when the first crew meets with disaster  a rescue mission is sent to the red planet . they don ', t do so well either  but eventually meet up the lone surviving astronaut - gone - rasta and solve the mysteries of the universe . and it ', s all so boring . there are so many scenes that just don ', t work  it ', s difficult to begin . when the first crew is a few feet away from a raging massive upside - down martian tornado ( which looks remarkably like a sandworm from " dune " ) destroying everything in its path  they just hang out watching . error . the most interesting character ( and that ', s not saying much ) is killed off . error . the alien is laughable . error . the rest of the characters are the dullest people imaginable . error . there ', s some nice eyecandy . the face on mars  which turns out to be a giant metal thai buddha head  looks cool . a three - dimensional holographic planetarium is more fun to watch than anything at disney world . maneuvering in space suits outside the ship seems realistic . but there ', s so much more that feels as if we ', ve been there before . from " 2001 "  there ', s the rotating space station  the blinding white room . > from " close encounters "  they solve a sound puzzle and play it to the aliens . the list goes on . the actors are mostly mobile wooden statues . even gary sinise and tim robbins can ', t muster enough emotion to convince us they are breathing . no one seems to care about anything that happens . you won ', t either . the absolutely worst sin is the blatant product placement as dr . pepper  with a 20 foot tall logo  saves the day . they should save the commercials for those insipid bits before the film .
neg mulholland drive did very well at the cannes film festival . as you can see from the rating it did not do very well from me at the toronto international film festival . it may not be clear to the viewer why i am so negative on this film for most of the running time . in fact it is an interesting mystery story told on the backdrop of the hollywood film industry . toward the end of the film i think everything that has been built falls apart . the film was to be a pilot for a tv series but writer and director david lynch did not sell his tv pilot and i think he decided that he wanted to do something else with it . something else is what he did . the film opens with a woman ( played by laura harring ) about to be killed in a car when a car crash saves her life . she crawls away from the accident with a concussion and finds herself a bungalow with an unlocked door to sleep . meanwhile young vivacious betty ( naomi watts ) arrives in hollywood from canada . she wants to build a career as an actress . betty is a little surprised to find a woman sleeping in the borrowed bungalow . she does not know who the woman is . she is even more surprised when the woman awakes and does not herself know who she is . they fix on a name rita for her  but are not sure if this right or not . meanwhile local director adam kesher ( justin theroux ) has problems of his own . he is trying to cast one actress for his new film and is getting pressure from the producers and from crime figures to cast someone else  cammie rhodes ( melissa george ) . these two threads are joined by a third one in which there is a strange and comic murder that goes terribly wrong . there is also a strange character called the cowboy ( monty montgomery ) adding to the confusion . in what was probably intended for the television pilot the film opens with a great vibrancy showing dancing 60s style under the credits . a lot of mulholland drive starts out fun . lynch wants you to know he could make an enjoyable stylish film . he just chooses not to . as with any david lynch film there is strange material added for little reason . there are no earthworms  but there are some decidedly strange david lynch touches . the film is a little long for the subject matter . toward the end it gets into some heavier violence and sex scenes  clearly not intended for the tv pilot . unfortunately some of the most important comments to make about this film would be spoilers . i will not mention them in the main body of the review but i give mulholland drive a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale . mulholland drive spoiler warning . i have rated this film fairly low . you should read this only after seeing the film or deciding that you will not see the film . david lynch is in large part a dark satirist . most of his work is done in familiar genres but in some way shows their underside . in mulholland drive i think he is having a laugh at the expense of the crime film genre . what he does with this film is ( are you sure you want to read this ? ) playing off the audience expectations that there will be a simple explanation for what is going on . the first 80 % of the film he tells a simple multi - thread crime story with clues sprinkled throughout . then suddenly at the end he turns the story on its ear with a large number of clues that appear that they should add up to something . the audience expectation is that they will add up . but he has given clues that are self - contradictory . lynch wants the audience to argue about what they have seen afterward and come up with theories . in fact  the pointers are noticeably contradictory and until i hear a better explanation  i think lynch is merely playing a joke . there is a visual curiosity that was popular in the sixties . mad magazine called it a poiuyt . other sources called it a tri - pronged u - bar . look at small portions of it and makes sense . look at the whole figure and it does not . this film is  in my estimation  the cinematic equivalent of a tri - pronged u - bar .
neg ingredients : possessed plastic dolls in love  plastic dolls having sex starring : jennifer tilly  voice of brad dourif  katherine heigl  nick stabile  john ritter synopsis : this is the fourth film in the chucky series  which debuted in the late 1980s . basically  chucky is a plastic doll that can walk and talk because it is possessed by the spirit of a slain murderer . in bride of chucky  chucky ', s longtime girlfriend tiffany ( jennifer tilly ) dies and her spirit inhabits a female plastic doll through voodoo . dolls tiffany and chucky get married and embark on a quest to reach a cemetery in new jersey  where a mystical gem might enable them to be humans . the dolls stow away in the back of a vehicle driven by a newly eloped couple  so in the side plot  the couple suspects each other of being a murderer . opinion : bride of chucky is an attempt at horror with humor  but doesn ', t succeed . somehow  chucky moaning about mid life crisis  and how he should have gotten married does not make for a very scary chucky . and tiffany harping about mid life crisis  and how she should have gotten married does not make for a very scary tiffany . the suspenseless bride of chucky relies mostly on jennifer tilly ', s cleavage to keep attention during the first half  and on occasional puns to keep attention during the second half . the best that can be said about bride of chucky is that it is sarcastic .
neg watching the movie  i vowed to subtract half a star from the review because the filmmakers included a saccharine syrup  cute ', n cuddly  computer - generated monkey . if the monkey died  the movie got an extra half star . alas  the monkey showed up at the end  unharmed  to the wet sickly sound of gagging and rolling eyeballs . what that means is that lost in space actually deserved 2 stars . that ', s pretty generous  considering the movie ', s camp lacked any hint of tongue in cheek . when will robinson ( jack johnson ) teaches his pet robot about friendship  you are actually supposed to buy it . so why such a seemingly high rating ? there are a few reasons that made me unable to throw away the experience with the garbage . first  we saw the movie on opening night of the first day of operation of a brand new theater . the sound and screen kicked ass . nobody in the country enjoyed the movie as much as my audience did ( and i don ', t necessarily mean that in a good way ) . also  there were more than zero scenes where i found myself rooting for the robinsons  or getting caught up in the movie ', s tension . i even liked the computer - generated settings . i usually prefer to see models or sets  but the cg was more detailed than i ', ve seen in a lot of movies ; it looks like someone spent a little overtime to render some of the futuristic cities . also  gary oldman is never a bad actor  even though he is typecast as a villain . william hurt isn ', t too bad either . neither actor had a great role  but their performances were watchable . and perhaps i shouldn ', t admit this  but something about the tone and outlook of the movie brought me back to my childhood . there is very little swearing or blood ; there is a strong moral message  saccharine though it is ; there is a bit of romance ( whose culmination after 2 hours is a " real " kiss -- no sex ) . it felt like one of those disney movies that i so looked forward to when i was six . those movies were probably as bad as lost in space  but at the time  they were manna from heaven . that type of moviemaking is a lost art . now for the bad news . worst and most unforgivable was the incredibly bad dialogue . it ', s squeaky - clean  family fun  trying hard to be as hip as pulp fiction . " you better hold on to your joystick  " is one such line . and when a robinson is called upon to deliver a line about warp conduit thingamajigs  they inevitably stumble badly enough to embarrass even the lowliest star trek ensign . second worst  and closely related  is the screenplay . the story ', s exposition takes place at a press conference  which allows the writers to explain what ', s happening with the least amount of creativity  effort  or interest . once the story gets going  i do concede a momentary burst of interest once in a while  but on the whole  the situations that arise are silly and contrived . when gary oldman easily reprograms will ', s pet robot to kill the robinsons  my friend summed it up perfectly : " he flipped the switch to ', evil . ', " then there ', s the tone of the movie . the colorado daily said the film would have been more interesting if the central character was will robinson and not his father john robinson . then it could be an adventure movie . they ', re mostly right  except that johnson ( will ) wasn ', t a good enough actor to carry it off . still  that the film has the robinson patriarch as our hero shows a lack of imagination . just because a movie is tame enough for kids doesn ', t mean that we have to bow to a " promise keepers " notion of who ', s the center of a family . many quality family films have been made with a non - traditional family structure ( fly away home comes to mind ) to much better effect . and the politics of the time seem a bit conservative and regressive for a futuristic movie . in star wars  the rebels were the good guys . we were rooting for those who were fighting against the system . in lost in space  the rebels are the bad guys  a terrorist force that must be killed  crushed and silenced so that our children may live free . that ominous excuse for violence almost makes me sympathize with the terrorists . finally  a few specific details deserve criticism . the movie tells us that the setting is the year 2056 . why ? why bother saying what year this is . just tell us it ', s the future . i bring it up because the tv series was supposed to take place in 1997 . setting a specific date only dates the movie and guarantees that it won ', t be timeless ( not that this movie was really in the running anyway . ) . then there is a scene that shows john robinson checking one of his controls on a chair that rises about fifteen feet on a pole . this silly waste of money reminded me of bugs bunny ', s barber chair  and only shows that the future is a time when spaceship designers haven ', t learned a thing about ergonomics . one vaguely redeeming quality is that the end credits succeed where the rest of the film failed : it made lost in space look cool . the strong techno beat sampled the cheesiest dialogue and  out of context  made it sound hip . this is overlaid on a cool jumpy credit sequence with interesting distorted clips from the movie . but if that ', s the best part of the movie  i can ', t in good conscience recommend it . still  if you get stuck seeing it  as we did  you might be able to appreciate it if you keep your distance  think of liking bad movies as a child  and bring along your " bad movie bingo " cards .
neg i was going to see ram shrasta on the big screen last night  but before that i stopped into my video store to rent some movies . luckily  my video guy was in the middle or recording ram shrasta ! i knew it was going to be a bad print with only half - faces and poor sound quality  but i couldn ', t help myself . . . i got it . well  after watching it ( it indeed was a bad print ) i was glad i didn ', t dish out $ 7 to waste three hours of my time sitting in a bad theatre watching a bad movie . this movie really sucks . it had so many inconsistencies it was driving me crazy ! ! for example  how can jackie shroff grow two feet of hair in just three or four days ? jackie shroff looked really stupid with his steven seagal ponytail . the songs are bad  the acting is bad ( especially deepti bhatnagar ', s )  and the direction is the worst of all . the comedy scenes with jagdish and johnny lever just made me want to throw up . i didn ', t even finish the movie . . . i couldn ', t take it anymore . note : but if anyone out there liked aatish ( by the same director )  i guess you ', d like this movie . it ', s practically the same except that sanjay dutt is replaced with jackie shroff . aditya panscholi is the sidekick again . ( i was going to give it a zero  but i personally like jackie shroff  so i loosened up a little . he looked fresh  wore good clothes ( as always )  and his performance  even though it wasn ', t his best  was the only saving grace of the movie )
neg starship troopers is a bad movie . i mean  a really  really  bad movie . not only does it cross the line of bad taste when it comes to blood  gore and body parts shown on the screen  it blissfully jumps over that line  apparently unaware that the movie trailers appeal to an audience of five to fifteen year olds ( of which i saw many in the theatre ) . looking past the appalling sight of overdone violence  we are left with a movie with a thin plot at best  no strong lead characters  a blatant disregard for physics  and a very obvious naziesque theme . that being said  onto the review : the movie starts with a propaganda message from the federation ( who ', s logo bears a * strong * resemblance to a nazi german eagle )  urging the populace to go off and fight the bugs  who are attempting to destroy earth . the film shows large rallies with young children in attendance  pledging allegiance to the federation ( again  sound familiar ? ) . as the movie progresses  we are shown terror tactic training  as a drill sargeant very graphically compound fractures one recruits arm  and throws a knife through another ', s hand . eventually  the recruits embark on a journey to a location two thirds of the way across the milky way galaxy  to fight the bugs on their home planet . as our faster than light travelling " heroes " arrive on planet  they drop onto the planet  and burst our of their craft brandishing . . . " what ? " you say  " laser beam weapons ? sonic weapons ? phasers ? photon cannons ? " . nope  they hop out brandishing good old 1997 machine guns  pump action rifles  and tactical nuclear weapons ! i guess a lot of physics money r & d went into travel and not weaponry . as the assault begins  our group of troopers are seen walking in a straight line through a box canyon . two members of the group notice rocks slipping and falling above them  and one even sees a streak fly by  but disregards it as nothing . this of course  leads to more massive carnage  blood shed  and graphic depictions of limbs and heads being ripped and severed from their bodies . again  i see that military tactics in the future must have evolved at about the same pace as their weapons ! in the end  we see neil patrick " doogie howser " harris burst onto the scene in what could accurately be described as a nazi ss trenchcoat  hat  and gloves . he does a vulcan mind meld on the giant slug  and then proclaims that the bugs are scared ! this sets the troopers into a frenzy  as they are now one step closer to completing their goal  total genocide of a species ( again  sound familiar ? ? ) . i have tried very hard not to step on and spoil the plot with this review  but given it ', s non - existence  i may have anyway . i could go on for pages ripping this movie apart  but don ', t want to bore you too badly . in short  i felt as if i were subjected to a mix between a pro - nazi war film with bugs substituted for allies  a drivers education accident scene film  and a complete blank screen ( the plot  of course ) . i wouldn ', t recommend this movie to anyone  anywhere  under any circumstance . copyright ( c ) 1997 tim jandt " >
neg capsule : one of the ten worst movies ever made . christopher lambert vs . evil ninjas in modern - day japan . . . and nobody wins . the hunted is such a bad movie  so completely inept and so totally brain - damaged that i could almost feel affection for it . i could see myself showing this movie to friends and getting a good jolly guffaw out of it  if it weren ', t also insanely xenophobic and insulting . christopher lambert plays a computer - parts salesman who ', s on business in japan . he meets a slinky young woman ( joan chen ) and has a torrid night of lovemaking with her -- and then manages to witness her death at the hands of an evil ninja clan and their leader ( john lone ) . apparently they had some unfinished business that could only be concluded with her getting slaughtered . since lambert is a witness  he ', s of course the next one to die . let ', s stop and think about this for a second . if lambert were in real life being chased by fanatical devotees to a ninja secret society  he ', d have a lifespan you could only measure with an atomic clock . in this movie  the ninja manage to kill just about everyone except him . i imagine the japanese gods smiled down on lambert and provided him with a goof field that radiates out about ten feet from his body . you know what a goof field is : that invisible zone in which anyone who has intent to do harm to you becomes a klutz no matter what their real dexterity is . this is  of course  only the beginning of the movie ', s problems . lambert eventually finds pseudo - safety with a long - haired modern - day samurai ( yoshio harada ) and his partner -- yoko shimada  who you may remember as lady toda buntaro in shogun . they are the two best things in the movie ; in every scene they have authority and presence  and they actually look like they belong here  even when dressed in full samurai armor and wielding bows . the script doesn ', t know what the hell to do with them . lone  as the bad guy  is zero - dimensional . the only bad - guy cliche he has to wallow around in is the one about how the bad guy always has exotic women dripping off of him . in the hunted  this is elevated to the level of an insulting stereotype . what ', s funny is that the peripheral characters in the hunted are not sterotypes -- there ', s a nice little scene with a tokyo cabdriver  and a girl in a pachinko parlor -- but many of the main characters are unsalveageably hateful . also  the phenomenal instrumental troupe kodo has assembled a superior soundtrack -- get the cd -- that manages to survive despite the drek it ', s been designed to accompany . there is an extended battle scene in the middle of the movie that is almost reason enough to watch the whole thing -- a gory  excellently staged fight on the bullet train that shows some real imagination for a moment  and then smothers it by trying to clumsily re - couple the whole thing with the movie ', s relentlessly stupid plot . by the time we get to the final showdown  with lambert getting to wield his own sword ( which  judging from the ham - handed editing of one scene  was forged in seven hours or so )  we no longer care . we ', re not even given any definitive information about whether or not one of the key characters lives or dies ! someone once said that the key to good art -- good movies  good books  whatever -- is to start somewhere interesting  end up somewhere interesting  and show respect for the audience all along the way . this movie bungles two out of three  badly .
neg hello kids . today the movie studios want to take over my critical review  and somehow persuade you that _armageddon_  the summer ', s biggest blockbuster  is a film for everybody . and remember  if a film is for _everybody_  and if it makes the most money for the summer  it _must_ be good  right ? armageddon is a comedy  with a capital " c " . it stars bruce willis  who has a hundred one - liners ! it has a tiny rock land directly in the middle of a heated argument in new york city ! ! and  chuckle  chuckle  one of those new yorkers  _survives_  with charcoal all over his face ! ! snorkle  * sniff *  hiccup . and it has steve buscemi as a _genius_ who wants to work for an oil rig ? knee - slap ! ! isn ', t this just so  so  funny ! ? armageddon also has romance  with a capital " r " . it has a tender moment between * forbidden lovers * ben affleck and liv tyler  with  with  animal crackers ! and it has will patton as a long lost husband trying to reunite with his separated wife and child  who thinks he ', s a salesman ! gurgle  * sniff *  awwwww . and it has steve buscemi spewing more one - liners about minors and strippers . umm  moving right along . . . armageddon also has lots of action  with a capital " a " . not just any action sequence would do . it must have _original_ action sequences that are designed to thrill . like  drill  darn it  drill ! ! ! and  let ', s have inept people destroy the mir space station ! ! can ', t you hear your heart beating ! ? and steve buscemi goes crazy and starts shooting at people ! ! what drama ! ! lastly  armageddon is out there to save the planet  with a capital " p " . this can ', t be any old thriller -- we must have an asteroid  the size of texas head straight for earth ! ! and  and  we must have beautiful scenic worldwide shots  like paris  blown up . and  and  we must have peoples of all colors  nations  and religions  join hand in hand for one final  hopeful  hug . the final sequence  where muslims in prostrate worship stand up -- in domino fashion -- to cheer the victory  filled me with such emotional goo that i wanted to  to  to rip the screen into shreds ! ! i mean  i mean  cheer for ecstatic joy ! ( it was over ) . comedy . " c " . romance . " r " . action . " a " . planet . " p " . okay  kids  what does that spell ? seriously  folks . any film that could take the indie - films ', most valuable talents  and throw it all away with a bruce willis vehicle  a hundred - million dollar budget  but have cheap - o sets and lousy special effects  is  bottom line  living proof that hell exists  and has made a multi - picture deal with universal . in the midst of all the action  the terseness  the one - liners  the fake sets  the overall waste of time  i recognized matt malloy playing an underwritten nasa technician ( " malloy  give me a reading " ) . remember him ? he was a principal player in last year ', s _in the company of men_  a film that was more powerful  shocking  terrifying  funny  and shocking than _armageddon_ could ever aspire to be . _armageddon_ cost over $ 100 million to make . _itcom_ cost a paltry $ 30  000 . need i say more ?
neg deserves recognition for : achieving the near - impossible task of making a grander monument to self - love than steven seagal ', s on deadly ground . capsule review : a question : after the floating baby ruth that was waterworld  what in the @$&% were the hollywood execs who gave kevin costner the money to make another post - apocalyptic movie thinking ? in this 3 hour advertisement for his new hair weave  costner plays a nameless drifter who dons a long dead postal employee ', s uniform and gradually turns a nuked - out usa into an idealized hippy - dippy society . ( judging by the costuming at the end of the movie  the main accomplishment of this brave new world is in re - inventing polyester . ) when he ', s not pointing the camera directly at himself  director costner does have a nice visual sense  and it is undeniably fascinating to see such an unabashedly jingoistic film in the trust - no - one 90 ', s ; but by the time the second hour rolled around  i was reduced to sitting on my hands to keep from clawing out my own eyes . mark this one " return to sender " .
neg starring ben stiller  elizabeth hurley  maria bello  janeane garofalo screenplay by david veloz  based on the novel by jerry stahl directed by david veloz permanent midnight is a pretty bad movie  though it took me a few days to conclude this . the film is more masturbatory than bleak  with its main character intent on confounding us with his stupidity . ( he has a $ 6000 a week drug habit . ) ultimately  as adapted by veloz  jerry stahl comes off as one of those playground braggarts who chainsmokes at the age of twelve ; you are less mystified by his self - destructive nature than bored into a stupor yourself . ben stiller plays stahl  a young author who arrives in l . a . with ambition and a nasty drug habit . he eventually gets a gig for $ 5000 / week writing for a sitcom called mr . chompers ( a thinly veiled stand - in for " alf " : chompers looks just like alf except he ', s blue )  marries a producer ( hurley ) so she can get a green card  and hooks up with a spanish mother ( liz torres )  who shoots heroin with him in the afternoons . insert proverbial downward spiral here . permanent midnight is structured mostly as a flashback  with recovering addict bello meeting stiller ( at a fastfood restaurant  where stiller works the drive - thru as part of rehab )  taking him back to a hotel  and between bouts of serious screwing  listening to his life story . i ', ve spent the last week trying to figure out why stiller never seemed to find the frighteningly gorgeous hurley attractive - worse  i ', ve been trying to figure out why hurley did find stiller attractive . as stahl  stiller displays none of the charm or wit one would expect ( post - there ', s something about mary ) of either the actor or a comedy writer . what separates stahl from the hundreds of other hollywood punk - junkies  it seems  is that stahl wrote a book about his idiocy . watch stahl shoot heroin next to a baby ! watch stahl spoil numerous pitch meetings with smack - fueled babble ! stiller gives a technically flawless performance : the film could double as a documentary on how to be a junkie . but permanent midnight is mostly soulless . when the movie poses the question will stahl be saved ? and then answers it in the form of bello ', s character ( basically a shrink in black panties )  could a person care less ? in the film version of his autobiography of the same name  stahl doesn ', t need saving  he needs someone who will sit there and listen to him go on about himself . if you learn anything about the other characters in this movie  it ', s that they are the most incredibly tolerant hollywood - types known to man . ( stahl also seems to be the only person at schmooze parties doing drugs . is this hollywood . . . california ? ) i learned very little about the entertainment business from permanent midnight and a whole lot about an egotistical lunkhead . of course you know that stahl triumphed because he lived to talk about his problems . so  basically  his drug habit got him a book deal  a movie based on his life  and now he ', s apparently collaborating with stiller on future projects . so much for the moral of that story . temporary midnight is more like it . - bill chambers ; september  1998
neg the camera zooms in incredibly close . it focuses on the closed eyes of a person presumed dead . all of a sudden  with a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse  his eyelids open . the camera zooms in incredibly close . it focuses on one of the characters desperately running for her life . then  with a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse  she bumps into the killer . the camera zooms in incredibly close . it focuses on a door from where seemingly strange sounds emanate . all of a sudden  with a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse  the doors swing open to reveal what ', s inside . close - up thrill - shots such as these seemed to elicit more laughter from the audience rather than genuine fear  which is a pretty good sign that you ', re not watching the thriller that the director had originally envisioned . rather  you adopt the opinion that the characters are so goofy and so unaware of the trouble that they ', re in  that you stop caring about who lives  who dies and where the story goes . instead  you become more interested in how the characters get killed off . the four young teenagers who are the potential sacrificial lambs for this movie are helen and barry and julie and ray - two couples and dear friends to one another . during the summer just after high school graduation  they take a fateful drive down a dark mountain highway . suddenly  without warning  their car hits someone whom the teens presume was killed as a result of that collision . fearing jail time and possible manslaughter charges if they confess  they instead decide to dump the body into the ocean and make a pact never to discuss the episode again . a year goes by and things among the four friends begin to change . relationships fizzle  future dreams crumble  and attitudes change . but  they can not forget what they did . and apparently  neither can someone else . someone begins to send letters to all four of the teens with the frightening message : " i know what you did last summer . " the letter - writer ( a figure in a rubber slicker wielding a large metal hook ) soon makes his presence known and begins to hunt down the four teens . it ', s now up to the four of them to try to figure out who the killer is before it ', s too late . while this movie has some nice visually eerie effects  too much of it ', s impact had to be generated with extreme close - ups  while the level of suspense was choppy at best . there is so much more that this movie could have been  but decided to give us nothing but cheap thrills . it could have been a clever whodunit  but discovering who ultimately was the killer made me just shrug my shoulders . it could have explored the changed friendships after a year of adulthood  but seemed to only include that aspect to add 15 more minutes to the film . it could have given us smarter characters who knew that anytime you ', re alone and you see shadowy figures moving about  you don ', t walk towards them yelling " hello " . once you yell " hello "  you can expect an extreme close - up  a thunderous sound effect and an eerie sounding musical pulse . it ', s difficult to be in suspense when you know what ', s about to happen . the only redeeming aspect of the movie is that i now have a neat idea for a halloween costume  but i ', m not sure if the local costume store sells rubber slickers and hooks . the horror that i experienced from this film is realizing that i actually went to see it .
neg " goodbye  lover " sat on the shelf for almost a year since its lukewarm reception at the cannes film festival last may  and one look will tell you why . it ', s a mess . and that ', s * way * before ellen degeneres shows up . the film is one of those torrid double - indemnity crime stories that  in this case  required the services of three screenwriters . i suspect that one wrote a sexy thriller  one wrote a murder mystery  and one wrote a comedy  then director roland joff ? tried to piece it all together in the editing room while scratching his head in bewilderment . i didn ', t laugh at ellen degeneres much ( i think i was supposed to ) . degeneres is horrible and her character is even worse  a tough - talking vulgar cop with a bad wardrobe and bad hair . either degeneres is wearing a wig -- as most of the actors appear to be -- or she doesn ', t yet have enough clout to secure a hairstylist . every single word out of her mouth is supposed to be racy and hip  but her incessant wisecracking is poorly - written and merely stupid . her reaction to the brutal killing of a jogger is " at least she died healthy . " and that ', s one of her wittier asides . degeneres ', sgt . rita pompano is called in to investigate the allegedly accidental death of . . . wait . to give away too much of the plot would all but ruin a film that has very little going for it outside of its numbing plot twists and multiple triple - crosses . it ', s best described this way : sultry sexpot / real estate agent sandra dunmore ( patricia arquette ) is married to jake  a " creative yet unfocused " ( and alcoholic ) advertising rep  played by dermot mulroney . sandra likes to act out her deep - seated sexual fantasies and jake ', s brother ben ( the suave - as - ever don johnson ) likes to help . ben is also coming on to his petite  mousy co - worker peggy blaine ( mary - louise parker ) and someone  somewhere  is planning to cash in on that huge life insurance policy of his . the film is ripe with cheating lovers cheating on each other and back again . although there are some genuine surprises  the plot twists get too contrived too quickly . probably around the time degeneres ', gumcracking gumshoe appears . at least the former " ellen " star is going for something a little different . arquette turns in yet another of her stiletto - heeled  platinum blonde bombshell roles ( see : " lost highway  " " true romance " ) while quoting embarrassing lines like " i ', m not wearing any underwear . " i hope she got paid a lot of money to do this . here ', s an example of some of the film ', s flat - out stupidity . sandra purchases a used car and disguises herself in a red wig prior to stalking two of the film ', s duplicitous lovers . she drives the motorbiking couple off a cliff while blaring her favorite " the sound of music " on her car stereo  intent on identifying herself to her hapless victims . so what was the point of the wig and the car ? " the sound of music " stuff might be a reference to " the wizard of oz " allusions in david lynch ', s " wild at heart  " but if so joff ? must have forgotten that " wild at heart " was a despicable movie . it ', s hard to believe that " goodbye  lover " was directed by the same person who made " the killing fields " and " the mission . " it ', s not  however  hard to see why it sat on the shelf for so long . it should have stayed there .
neg as with any gen - x mtv movie ( like last year ', s dead man on campus )  the movie is marketed for a primarily male audience as indicated by its main selling points : sex and football . those two items  wrapped in a guilty - pleasure package  are sure to snare a sizeable box office chunk initially  but sales will decline for two reasons . first  the football sequences are nothing new  nor can they be ; the sports genre isn ', t mainstream and it ', s been retread to death . second  the sex is just bad . despite the appearance of a whipped cream bikini or the all - night strip - club party  there ', s nothing even remotely tantalizing . the acting is mostly mediocre  not including the fantastic jon voight . cultivating his usual sliminess  voight gives an unexpectedly standout performance as west canaan coyotes head coach bud kilmer . kilmer is the driving force behind the coyotes ', twenty - two conference championships and two state titles in thirty years ; this year he plans to make it twenty - three . unfortunately  when his star quarterback  lance harbor ( paul walker )  goes down for the count  he ', s got to rely on the unreliable abilities of backup john moxon ( james van der beek ) . moxon leads the team through its last four games  and then must cope with his newfound stardom  the effect it has on his relationship with girlfriend julie ( amy smart )  and other temptations that abound in football - crazy west canaan . most regions of the country are not nearly as football - crazy as texas  and so the atmosphere is likely to be lost on most . similarly  the set design is wrong for a high school setting : the teams are decked out with sparkling uniforms  radio headsets ( which never seem to work  however  and instead require coaches to signal plays manually )  and even a giant bronze statue of coach kilmer . these elements ( as well as the heavy drinking and carousing ) might be more appropriate on a college campus -- but mtv ', s core audience is the high school demographic . this focus is further emphasized by the casting : james van der beek  of tv ', s " dawson ', s creek  " is an understandable choice for the reluctant hero  although he never manages to do anything with the role . other stars are similarly young and unmemorable . there ', s not much that goes right about varsity blues  and there ', s not much to like about it  either . everything herein has already been done  and if it hasn ', t  the movie manages to botch it one way or another . this is certainly missable .
neg nicolas cage comes up with an ingenious survival mechanism for his role in the wink - and - a - concussive - nudge bombast - o - rama con air . the opening credits sequence introduces us to cage as cameron poe  a gulf war veteran convicted of manslaughter and serving eight years in prison after an ill - fated bar - room brawl . the prison scenes are accompanied by voice - overs in which poe  in a languid southern drawl  describes prison life to his wife back home and offers simple homilies for the daughter he has never met . if the scene gives you a tickle of familiarity  it probably should . cage appears to realize that con air is going to be utterly dim - witted and ridiculous  and that he ', s going to have to do something to keep himself entertained . and thus he slips into a familiar  surreal role as his own commentary on the proceedings -- cage plays cameron poe as a buffed - up version of raising arizona ', s h . i . mcdonnough . cage should have known what he was getting himself into . he got a paycheck from jerry bruckheimer last year for the rock  and if there ', s one thing you can count on from a bruckheimer production ( even without his late partner don simpson )  it ', s that you can count on seeing everything you saw in the _last_ bruckheimer production . the critical difference between the rock and con air is cage ', s performance . in the rock  cage appeared to be having the time of his life jumping into the action fray for the first time . that sense of discovery has been replaced by a wry self - awareness . while the plot of con air finds poe a parolee on board a hijacked prison transport plane whose goal is just to get home  cage ', s goal is different but just as simple : to get out of the film with some measure of dignity intact . audiences  too  should know what they ', re getting themselves into with a bruckheimer production . in fact  the marketing people are counting on it . no one who loathed the rock for its swear - grunt - blast repetitiveness will be converted by con air ; no one who loved the rock for exactly the same reasons will be dissuaded . director simon west ( yet another tv commercial auteur plucked by bruckheimer from the advertising equivalent of the schwab ', s soda fountain ) delivers exactly the kind of adrenaline / testosterone cocktail which could launch an endocrinology lecture ( it ', s perversely appropriate that one sympathetic con spends most of the flight nearing a diabetic coma ; like insulin  con air does the work of a gland ) . what he doesn ', t deliver is a moment of suspense . a bruckheimer film has no use for hitchcock ', s notion that showing you the bomb under the desk creates a more interesting scene than just blowing up the desk ; a really  _really_ big desk and a really  _really_ big bomb will serve the purpose nicely . if either west or bruckheimer were interested in genuine tension  they might have done something with con air ', s creepiest set - up . at a desert stop for the plane - load of convicts  serial killer garland greene ( steve buscemi ) wanders of into a trailer park where he meets a little girl having a tea party in a drained swimming pool . their tete - a - tete is eerie and menacing  providing a welcome shift in tone and giving buscemi a chance to stand out in a cast with too many villains ( danny trejo  ving rhames and a characteristically reptilian john malkovich among them ) . in fact  con air usually opts for too much of something when the tiniest measure of restraint would have been an improvement -- too many characters  too much editing  too many dopey punch lines  too much of the cheap  ugly appeals to machismo which characterize too many bruckheimer efforts . it is that kind of exhausting excess to which cage is responding with his detached performance . while malkovich goes for the outrageous and john cusack ( as a u . s . marshal ) goes for earnest  cage looks like he just wants to go to sleep . his recycled raising arizona performance is a means of escape  his chase after a stuffed bunny a continuation of his pursuit of that big box of huggies . it doesn ', t bode well for cage ', s appearance in face / off later this month ; perhaps he already realizes that all he can do in action films is more of the same over and over . there ', s a word for people like you  nicolas . that word is called recidivist . . . repeat offender .
neg a big house . a big director  jan de bont of speed and twister fame . a big star  catherine zeta - jones  hot of the heels of entrapment ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) and zorro . a big remake of the haunting . and big special effects . so what do they all amount to ? unfortunately for us  a big bore ! plot : a hotshot doctor brings three insomniacs to an old  spooky mansion for controlled testing . unbeknownst to the patients  the good doctor is actually conducting his own cover project that has to do with the psychology of fear . critique : this movie just didn ', t scare me one bit . sure  it creeped and spooked me out a little here and there  but on the whole  it took waaaaay too long to get going  provided very little meat in the plot  went way past its own bedtime  and basically relied on grunts  the muttering of children ', s voices and over - the - top special effects  to scare us . well  this film didn ', t do much for me . and they might as well have called it the " haunting of lily taylor "  since she ', s basically the only character who had any real depth  background or reason to be in the house in the first place . don ', t get me wrong  catherine zeta was sweet window dressing ( despite my continued perception of her faint mustache - see entrapment )  and owen wilson was good as the standard " comic relief "  but come on people  if you ', re going to have us sit through two hours in a theater with these folks  how ', bout giving them a little more than one - liners as dimension . neeson was also wasted as the smart  british guy . it ', s all too sad  cause certainly the " idea " seemed like a good one ( see the shining ( 9 / 10 ) for a close to perfect example of a creepy gone awry )  but the story was thin  the conclusion was laughable ( be gone . . . poof ! ) and the special effects ? well  they sure were nice to look at  but not for a moment did one of them scare  or even for a split - second  have me believe that they were anything more than hollywood special gadgetry . see it for zeta - jones  or if you like special effects and scary movies that take forever to get going  and provide very little payback  otherwise skip it and check out the original or the ultimate movie about spooky homes from the netherworld  the shining . little known facts about this film and its stars : goofy actor owen wilson co - scripted indie favorites rushmore ( 8 / 10 ) and bottle rocket with director wes anderson . his brother luke wilson is also an actor  who once dated drew barrymore for a year or so . brother andrew is also an actor . singer lisa loeb is listed in the credits as having portrayed the character of olivia morice  but i personally did not notice her . she is well known for her number one single " stay ( i missed you ) " and goofy glasses . the creaks and moans heard throughout the house were prerecorded and played during filming in order to get a more natural expression of fear out of the actors . catherine zeta - jones is currently dating flabby ass actor michael " sex is my life " douglas . she stands 5 ', 8 " . in 1998  actor michael rapaport pleaded guilty to the aggravated harassment of lily taylor . he was ordered to stay away from her and undergo counseling for one year . actor bruce dern  who plays the throwaway role of the gatekeeper in this film  was once nominated for an oscar for best supporting actor for his role in coming home . director jan de bont was born in holland  and began his lengthy career as a cinematographer on films as die hard  hunt for red october and basic instinct  directed by another dutchman  paul verhoeven . actor todd field also played a small but pivotal role in stanley kubrick ', s last film  eyes wide shut . he was nick nightingale  the pianist . this film was originally titled the haunting of hill house .
neg it ', s always a bad sign when the core audience of a film -- children -- are either walking out early or are half - asleep when the credits roll at the end of a film . that about sums up the dreadful ugliness of 102 dalmatians  a cold pea soup of cute animals  stupid home alone antics  a boring puppy love subplot between dumb humans  and glenn close reprising her best joan crawford impression . indeed  walt disney is rolling over in his grave again  cursing john hughes ', name for making the original live - action 101 dalmatians  one of the worst kiddie flicks of all time  and now its sequel . the main culprit behind the hideousness of 102 dalmatians is its predecessor  101 dalmatians . the original made more than $ 100 million dollars at the box office  spawned a torrid collection of " collectible " items that ended up months later in the discount bins of wal - marts across the country  and generally made every kid on the planet want a damn dalmatian pup for christmas . well  it ', s been about four years since then  and dalmatian fever is coming back  and this time it ', s digitally enhanced . here ', s the story . cruella de vil ( glenn close ) is released from prison due to the " cure " of her puppy homicide urges by one dr . pavlov . ( oh  how witty . ) she rejoins the world as a dog lover and is assigned to a probation officer  who oddly turns out to be her victim from the original film . cruella then becomes ella -- dog lover -- until the plot twists  like a dog with his leash caught on the back of a moving truck  and she becomes the evil vixen again . a kidnapping plot unfurls again as cruella decides she still needs her dalmatian coat  but she now needs 102 dalmatians instead of the commonly used 101 dalmatian formula . at this point  i was envying those kids filing out of the theater . how low have glenn close and gerard depardieu ( as the film ', s villain ) sunk in the film business ? it ', s almost laughable in a sadistic way to watch close walk around in costumes that seem to be pulled from the wardrobe of flash gordon . and depardieu . . . how can a french guy have a bad french accent ? and never mind the toilet brush haircut . the only minutely positive selling point i can even think to point out is the talking bird with a british accent ( courtesy of eric idle ) that thinks he ', s a rottweiler . now that ', s funny .
neg " the animal " is a marginally inspired comedy that only manages to lumber along  generating just enough momentum to keep it from stalling . it ', s clunky and slow  like watching an 18 - wheeler trying to accelerate up a hill . there are certainly better things you can do with your time . actually  if you ', ve seen the trailer  then you already know the plot and have seen its funniest moments . the story centers on bland marvin ( rob schneider )  who is an evidence clerk at the local police department that yearns to be a real officer . but he ', s afflicted with loser - itis . dogs attack him  neighbors torment him  children bully him  and his co - workers ignore him . truthfully  with his bad haircut ( seemingly modeled after weird al yankovic  little richard  and giant poodles ) and his unenthusiastic demeanor  we ', d probably throw tomatoes at him just for fun . this is actually bad because you can ', t like a character if you can ', t develop sympathy for him . we never do  and it may be just as well that he drives off a cliff and plummets to the canyon floor . however  marvin is found by an eccentric doctor ( michael caton ) who uses a radical and experimental procedure to save him  implanting our doofus with various animal parts and organs . as a result  marvin develops heightened senses and increased agility and speed . he can smell drugs hidden anywhere on a body  swim with the speed of a dolphin  and can run as fast as a cheetah . imagine the comedic possibilities that arise from this operation . with his enhanced abilities  he could now reap vengeance on all those who have shunned him . however  the spirit of the film takes a raunchy turn  and instead  marvin spends most of his time trying to subdue or satiate his voracious appetite and his animalistic  sexual urges . goats beware ! he also chases cats  urinates to mark his territory  or growls at his enemies . what he should ', ve done was stick his head in the sand like an ostrich . equally tenuous is its other running joke  which involves one of his friends ( guy torry ) who constantly complains that everyone is treating him too nicely because he ', s black . " it ', s reverse racism  " he declares as he blows smoke into the faces of strangers but none of them says anything . this element doesn ', t work the first time it ', s mentioned  and it becomes increasingly trite with every recurrence . you don ', t have to be as wise as an owl to realize that " the animal " is tame . if there ', s any reason to see this film  it ', s to see colleen haskell who makes her big screen debut . remember her ? she was voted off in week 11 of the 13 - week program  " survivor . " here  she plays marvin ', s sunny love interest . while her role required very little actual acting  she seemed very comfortable ( even when marvin licks the side of her face like a lapping dog . . . yuck ! ) . with her adorable disposition  radiant smile  and playful innocence  she could be a meg ryan in the making . it ', s too bad that she ', s in such a mediocre offering
neg romeo is bleeding wants to carry the unusual flavor of reservoir dogs or bad lieutenant . with director peter medak  whose previous credits include the good films let him have it and the krays  and top - notch character actors gary oldman and lena olin  they seemed likely to be a successful combination . those mentioned films  however  brought something to the screen that romeo is bleeding did not : a solid  well - written screenplay . call me cynical  but the jobs of writer and producer don ', t seem to mix well . gary oldman plays jack grimaldi  a good cop turned bad  selling information to the mob and cheating on his wife . his cheating is obvious enough to obtain his nickname  although the name doesn ', t provide any insight or analogy to the shakespearean character . jack has become addicted to " feeding the hole "  a hole in the ground where he stores his payoff money . when he realizes his colleagues are being shot  he feebly attempts to get out . gary oldman ', s performance is disappointingly weak ; he seems nearly bored . in the process  he also gets tangled - up with mona demarkov  a russian mobsterette who wants to take over the territory from top boss falcone  played adequately by roy scheider . demarkov  played by lena olin  is a tough but tremendously sexy woman with seemingly no problems maneuvering within the mob world . this character is combination of both linda hamilton and arnold schwarznegger from terminator 2 . i can ', t remember seeing a character quite like her . after being shot  handcuffed  and thrown in the back seat of a car  she still manages to cause an accident  kick out the windshield with her legs  grab a suitcase full of money ( plus some important documentation )  climb through the rubble  land on her shot leg  and still succeed at running for safety . what a woman ! lena olin ', s performance is the only glimmer in this dismal film . anabella sciorra is wasted in her role as romeo ', s wife . there is little insight into her character . she ', s depressed  she makes obvious references  she mopes around the house . juliette lewis  as romeo ', s girlfriend  is treated with the same cliche attitudes  although ms . lewis ', portrayal certainly didn ', t improve it . both women were anything but sexy or attractive . poorly developed characters aside  the screenplay also suffers from several logistical problems . it is so discouraging to watch a film and want to shout at the main character ( not ) to do something . for example  jack and his friends attend a funeral to hang in the background to scope - out the mob scene . fine . jack spots the big boss with his goons by the gravesite . fine . what does jack proceed to do ? he brushes his friends off by telling them he isn ', t feeling well  then strolls over to the boss . why ? the boss had all ready threatened him ; falcone simply takes the opportunity to issue more threats by ordering his goons to take off some of jack ', s toes by the gravesite . i guess they weren ', t worried about any federal agents lingering around after the funeral . . . . or here ', s another : demarkov set - up her own death by cutting off her arm with a circular saw . she proceeded to set the place on fire . wouldn ', t the flames burn off the fingerprints ? aren ', t dental records more important ? as bright and resourceful as she was supposed to be  couldn ', t she come up with a better plot ? ( and it took her no time at all to get a good - fitting  functional prosthesis . ) lack of attention to detail certainly adds up in a film . this film doesn ', t even add up the large details . there is little or no consistency in the story - line . not much makes sense . the direction lacks cohesion  surprising from a director whose previous credits are impeccable . the moods shift  the styles shift  and no one can seem to decide if it is a serious film or satire of one . so while it certainly isn ', t reservoir dogs  it certainly isn ', t diva . there ', s plenty more to tear apart in this film . my advice to someone who hasn ', t seen it to to wait until it comes on video . there are some quotable lines that would provide a campy evening if not taken seriously . it ', s not a boring film  just not a good one . or an intelligent one .
neg 54 is dull  perfunctory  uninspired  and boring . a greater writer might have created a lyrical sentence for each of those adjectives  flowing in lovely arangements with soaring metaphors . i  however  would rather cut to the chase . 54 is dull  perfunctory  uninspired  and boring . there is nothing in it -- not a glimpse of depth  nor a shimmer of intelligence or insight . there is no electricity in any of the scenes  or a moment of interest in the story or its subplots . and it ', s underdeveloped  and features an array of bland characters played by actors who think they ', re in this year ', s boogie nights . they are so wrong . the picture has been assembled by mark christopher . based on this film  i don ', t know how he got a job in the business . 54 is supposed to be an amazing insight into the world of the dance club of the same name  which originated in the 70s and closed down in the 80s . i don ', t know if this film went into production after boogie nights was released  but christopher has managed to plagiarize paul thomas anderson ', s brilliant work in every possible way  from the framework of the plot down to the style of the cinematography . what it lacks is everything that made boogie nights great : depth  intelligence  energy  fascinating characters  and challenging themes . 54 can ', t even measure up to the last days of disco  which is flawed  but still smart and entertaining . it ', s remarkably bad timing  i ', d say  to release a film this tedious after a couple of noteworthy pictures of the same kind . i have exaggerated  though : there is one interesting character  and one terrific performance . that character is steve rubell  played with more perceptiveness by mike myers than this limp production deserves . steve rubell is the owner of studio 54  and if christopher had focused on him  then myers could have forced a good film out of this wreck all by himself . alas  we are instead guided to endure the trials of a young man named shane ( ryan phillippe )  a going - nowhere new jersey teen who gets a job in the club  thanks to rubell ', s homosexual impulses . it ', s here that he meets his friends  the array of uninteresting characters : his co - worker  greg ( brecklin meyer )  his wife  anita ( salma hayek )  and  of course  the love interest  julie black ( neve campbell ) . shane is just an innocent young fool in the beginning  and he has a reasonably sturdy home life . ( some of the scenes with his father border on interesting  while heather matarazzo  who plays his sister  pushes phillippe off the screen . ) but he decides to envelop himself in the disco scene  and succumb to peer pressure and to drugs . why his " friends " push him into drugs is never really explained  but the fact that they are " friends " is questioned only is superficial ways ( greg gets really mad at shane because he ', s been elevated to bartender status ) . there isn ', t a single conflict that takes center stage  except that shane has some kind of unexplored reservation with the business in which he works . most of the film is dumb  and most of the dialogue is inane . there ', s a scene late in the film in which shane confronts julie black  and  in the next scene  they ', re arm - in - arm without a bit of development . then  they ', re kissing in a bowling alley ! this is five minutes of material  thrown into the picture at the last minute ( well past the one - hour mark  and this isn ', t a long film to begin with ) . campbell is a talented actress  but she needs a role that gives her a little depth . this one doesn ', t . and phillippe has almost no presence whatsoever ; this performance pales in comparison to mark whalberg ', s star - making role in boogie nights . he seems dumb and misguided  and his voice never changes tone . i guess he was picked for the color of his hair and the shape of his body  but he seems pretty lanky to me . he ', s all wrong for a lead role  but it doesn ', t help that christopher has forgotten to develop his characters . by the end of 54  shane ', s most notable trait is his stupid  fake accent . the rest of the performances are wasted . hayek is an energetic  talented young actress  and does almost nothing here . meyer is endearing  but allowed to be no deeper than cardboard . only myers  by sheer force of talent  manages to rise above christopher ', s wading - pool of a script . rubell has been written just as depthless as the rest of the characters  but myers is good enough to inject subtleties that help round out the performance . in fact  myers is the sole reason to see 54  and all it really does is make you wish that the film had revolved around him . i ', ve read that studio 54 has been recreated down to the last detail . frankly  i don ', t care . it ', s easy to recreate something technical like this . a fairly skilled production designer and a few carpenters can manage such a task . besides  christopher keeps the lights so low that the sets are invisible  anyway . aside from myers ', performance  54 is a complete failure . it ', s dull  perfunctory  uninspired  and boring . some may find my comparisons to boogie nights unfair  but they ', re so obvious to me . in any event  54 is pallid without the contrast . it doesn ', t even work as mindless entertainment : it ', s so shallow that the most escapist viewers are likely to dismiss it . so  don ', t forget those key words : dull  perfunctory  uninspired  and boring . everything else i said was just padding .
neg an experience like baby geniuses can have certain effects on an average moviegoer . you may be scarred for life after seeing this petrified piece of garbage  which is so disarmingly horrible that it may cause you to ponder it ', s hollywood existence . when i think of the screenwriters behind this film  i picture a room full of monkeys . the monkeys are pounding on their typewriters while scratching themselves . all of the monkeys combine their efforts  hop in a cab and take the finished product downtown to director bob clark ', s office . the designated monkey explains the plot by jumping up and down on clark ', s desk while flailing his arms and shrieking . the director appears to be deep in thought  until he slams his fist down on the desktop and exclaims ` i love it ! ! ! ', the writing behind this project is embarrassing . for your amusement  i will explain the plot . dr . kinder ( kathleen turner ) and dr . heep ( christopher lloyd ) are two of the cold - hearted executives at the baby geniuses institute  where peculiar studies are going on . as the story goes  there is an ancient myth explaining that babies ( ages 2 and under ) know all the secrets of the world from previous life experiences . when they move past this phase  they become like any other drooling toddler . kinder and heep want to unlock the secrets using their test babies  namely little sylvester ( sly for short )  who can break in or out of any given situation so efficiently that he would be right at home on the mission : impossible team . there is so much crap derived from this premise  despite the fact it ', s virtually identical to the plot in look who ', s talking ! ( a far superior film in any league ) . you will be able to determine the quality of the film by examining the opening scene . sylvester has broken out and managed to elude several security guards with his amazing intellect and kung - fu tactics . question : it ', s obvious the babies are super - smart  but why are they able to fight like jackie chan ? ? the adults in this film are furiously beaten by these youngsters in diapers . it ', s a shock when writers will stoop this low just to draw cheap laughs by using john hughes ', familiar home alone formula . i also found it disturbing that the babies in this film have attitude and endless 90 ', s knowledge  quoting numerous movies and insulting their adult captors . the effects in baby geniuses ( similar to the talking animals in babe ) are pathetic  the editing is a disaster  and the jokes are never funny . the only reason viewers may avoid vomiting is the argument that the babies are ` cute ', . i suppose they are . i can admit to smiling a few times because the babies were cute . other instances  though  i was howling in laughter due to the inane stupidity of the script . there are supporting characters who have no personality whatsoever ; their entire existence is based on punch lines . peter macnicol and kim cattrall  as an unwilling couple who have adopted sylvester ', s twin  are both miscast . then again  i don ', t suppose any performer could handle the uneven material without looking incredibly stupid . meanwhile  dom deluise plays a fellow who gets hit in the crotch with a monkey wrench ( hahaha ) . i would avoid baby geniuses at all costs . instead of watching this  i would recommended filling your bathtub with cement and going snorkeling . or perhaps you would consider going diving in shark - infested waters . anything to avoid this painful movie . the final line in the film  spoken by the bratty sylvester  is ` if they think i ', m doing the sequel for less than $ 20 mill  they ', re nuts ', . sequel ? please have mercy .
neg " houston . we have a serious problem . " after making " mission : impossible "  brian de palma has a lot to live up to . by making an epic science fiction and inviting great cast and talented crew  he hopes to reach the modern audience . and the possibilities are certainly there  but the result is a great disaster . starting in a near future  with a prologue copied from " apollo 13 "  de palma slowly builds up his " story " . the human race has already set foot on mars . a research expedition has vanished without trace on the red planet and another one has been sent to find out what happened . this is basically the whole plot . so it ', s hard to imagine that it can be stretched to 2 hours . but de palma manages to do that . it is not a very good achievement . as we follow this expedition to mars and watch them slowly float in space  the hardest thing to do is stay awake . the film ', s major problem is that it tries to seem more clever than it is . david mamet ', s dialogue  while trying to seem natural  is distant and simply fake . de palma and mamet wanted to combine action with a thought provoking plot . the result is more like an unsuccessful mutation of kubrick ', s " 2001 : a space odyssey "  " apollo 13 " and " godzilla " . to make time pass  the creators have inserted several " refreshing " scientific details  that would not convince a half - crazed frog . it consists of multiple copies and direct ripp - offs from several great science fiction films and stories . when it finally presents an almost original idea  it falls flat because of its uncovered stupidity . i can ', t even call this film predictable  since no one with a healthy imagination can come up with something like this . sometimes it gets so cheesy  that you ', ll start laughing when you ', re supposed to cry and cry when you ', re supposed to laugh . you ', ll see enormous sandstorms  hear mysterious sounds and  last but not least  on this " constantly surprising " tour you ', ll see -- an alien . it ', s really hard to find comparisons to such an experience  and i know that i ', ve never said that before ( i thought i never would )  but " lost in space " is actually better . that ', s an achievement in itself ! director brian de palma has stroke gold with " untouchables " that became an instant american classic . it is for this film that he will be remembered  while all his other failures will be forgotten . he ', ll live to fight another day ! i send the actors my condolences  since they truly do try to transform into their undeveloped and dull characters . and both the cinematography  production design and art direction are very decent . it is because of the achievement of 254 people  that i rate this film 2 / 10 . unfortunately their hard work was in vain . if you have problems with insomnia  i recommend you this film . if you ', re not asleep within the first half hour  consult your doctor .
neg gun wielding arnold schwarzenegger has a change of heart by the film ', s end and becomes a believer in god instead of a skeptic  going through an amazing transformation by having a christian epiphany in the final scene as he becomes someone who can now beat the devil by his faith alone . . . this is after two hours of throwing people out windows and shooting more people than your average serial killer . nobody can save this bomb from it ', s own stupidity and arrogance in filmmaking and arrogance in believing that this is a positive religious - type of film . it ', s just a pile of dreck . . . an ill - conceived exploitive project  a pyrotechnical film . " end of days " aims to be an apocalyptic thriller . it features an idiotic script  a hack director  and a one - dimensional star who is past his prime . . . which makes this film dumber than dumb  plus it ', s not funny  not campy  or is it in the least bit entertaining . it ', s just dreary and unwatchable . . . a big - budget slasher film . arnold plays an alcoholic security guard who finds his new mission in life is to stop satan ( occupying gabriel byrne ', s body and possessing a wall st . bank account ) from destroying the world . the film opens in vatican city  roma 1979 -- where the pope is alerted by a young visionary priest tomaso  looking out at the night sky and seeing a comet whiz by  who proclaims after looking at his scrolls -- that ', s the sign for the ', eye of god  ', which reveals that a child has been born who is being prepared to give birth to satan ', s baby ( the anti - christ ) in the hour before the new century begins  when satan will fuck her and open up the gates to hell on earth . tomaso has some twenty years to find this woman and save her and the world from doom . but some in the pope ', s circle want to kill her if found  even though the pope insists on having faith and letting her live  as he lectures them : " even in the world ', s darkest days -- doing evil doesn ', t stop evil  but brings on more evil . " we saw the girl being born in nyc in 1979  which seems to be the ', logical ', place to look for satan according to the astrology charts of the visionaries . the chosen woman is christine york ( robin ) . it is now a few days before the new year celebration for 2000 and arnold and his wise - cracking security guard partner kevin pollack are hired to guard a wall street turd  and when he is fired upon by a renograde priest  thomas aquinas  arnold saves him and through a ridiculous chase captures the tongue less priest who fired the shot . he  nevertheless  can speak and tells arnold an ', end of days ', is coming as prophesized in revelations . but satan gets to him in his hospital room and nails him to the ceiling while scribbling latin warnings of ', the end of the world ', on his body . it is now up to arnold to save the world and find the chosen woman . he quickly finds christine and does everything to protect her from all the evil forces around her  as the film includes ludicrous helicopter rescues  people jumping out of windows  satan taking a piss and dropping a match to kill arnold ', s partner as the piss explodes like gasoline  satan being fired at . . . resulting in his sometimes experiencing pain and sometimes nothing  as if the director forgot which way he wants to have it . there is nothing spared in nyc from fire bombs -- including the subway  churches  and luxury buildings . the only trouble with all these high - budget action sequences  was that it lacked purpose and even entertainment value . the story was so terrible and inaccurate  that it did not have an iota of value or credibility . mercifully the movie drags to a final confrontation in times square  trying unsuccessfully to build tension to the countdown toward the year 2000 . why is the end of 1999 considered to be the devil ', s number " 666  "''", well ! . . . satan ', s numeral is actually " 999  "''", which is upside down of " 666 . "''", accordingly  you just put a " 1 "''", in front of it -- and bingo -- you get " 1999 . "''", with logic like that  this film might even think it pulled the wool over the viewer ', s eyes and got away with such a febrile explanation of the occult . this film should become a classic used by film schools in how not to make a horror film . i highly recommend seeing it for that purpose .
neg after enduring mariah carey ', s film debut  glitter  i ', m reminded of a bit from chris rock ', s bigger and blacker . in response to women saying that they can raise a child without a man  rock says  " you can drive a car with your feet  but that don ', t mean it should be done . " to that i say  you can give mariah carey a movie  but that certainly don ', t mean it should be done . sure  there are plenty of pop star film vehicles out there -- from the beatles ', a hard day ', s night to the spice girls ', spice world -- but none have been so vapidly pointless or laughable as glitter . everything about this complete tripe is ludicrous . start off with the story  which -- as gruesomely predictable as it is -- is the least offensive part of the movie . the film is inexplicably set in the 80s  a period piece that really shows no sign of its period except for a few chicks in leg warmers . worse yet  everyone ', s speaking late 90s hip - hop slang in what should be 1983 . meant to be partially autobiographical  carey plays billie frank  a young singer in new york who struggles to overcome a rough childhood and abandonment by her alcoholic mother . influential club dj julian dice  a . k . a . " lucky 7 " ( max beesley playing a bad mix of puff daddy and robert de niro )  hears her sing on a track  and decides to make her a star . in predictably rapid succession  billie and dice fall for each other  she starts hitting it big  dice gets jealous and starts acting like an ass  and suddenly billie ', s on " the roller coaster of superstardom . " in the meantime  billie is on an emotional hunt for her missing mom . i won ', t give away the ending  but -- honestly -- just think of unicorns and rainbows . . . you ', ll figure it out . the movie screams to be made with camp  and that could ', ve been fun . but the filmmakers thought making the bulk of glitter weepy and dramatic would be better . what a mistake . the brief attempts at comic relief -- as in a scene where an effeminate russian - sounding director gets wacky with filming billie ', s first music video -- go over like lead balloons . instead  the audience at my screening tended to laugh loudest during mariah ', s most dramatic scenes . which brings us to the performances  of which there ', s nothing good that can be said . mariah is primarily seen with a wide - eyed deer - in - the - headlights look frozen on her face . she actually looks scared during her one love scene . but you have to wonder if the writing isn ', t even worse . so much of the dialogue is so hackneyed and watered down for carey ', s virginal target audience that it ', s probably impossible for any actor to pull it off with aplomb . even the characters couldn ', t have been written more absurdly . they ', re all members of a barbie playset : the important film director who swoons  " billie  i ', d love to put you in a movie i ', m making  " and the big - time record executive who takes billie ', s demo tape and says  " oh  i ', ll make sure the whole team listens to it in the morning . " everyone in the film is a device  and it ', s painful to keep watching just to see another one appear . to say more would be a waste . there ', s so much wrong with this film . and  it pains me that mariah carey -- with her ego and sanity in such fragile condition these days  as evidenced by her multiple hospital stays -- will have to suffer through all the negative reviews she ', s likely to get . but  then again  i had to suffer through her movie .
neg poster boy for co - dependency needs patching patch adams a film review by michael redman copyright 1999 by michael redman mediocrity is a pox on civilization . in our heavily consumer oriented society  there is an enormous demand to churn out " stuff . " what would happen to our economy if we didn ', t feel the need to have more things ? to make us buy more  businesses need to produce a ton of product . the sheer volume of items necessitates that most of them are of dubious quality . the film industry is like any other . in order for studios to survive  they have to make money . the prevailing attitude is that more films equal more profit . some movies obviously exist only to put wares on the screen and to do that  less talented people are used . there aren ', t enough great directors and actors to create the number of films necessary . for some reason  it ', s never crossed anyone ', s mind that the real equation is quality films = more profit . often  mediocre films are more of a pain for the audience than the horrendous ones . at you can have a good time making fun of bad movies . i ', m not suggesting that " patch adams " was tossed out just to rake in the bucks . my guess is that someone was asleep at the wheel . it features an accomplished actor and a potentially engrossing story  but it ', s as dull as could be . hunter " patch " adams ', ( robin williams ) desire to become a doctor has an unusual genesis . checking himself into a mental institute after a suicide attempt  he discovers that he can help the other patients by clowning around . patch could be a poster boy for co - dependency . he explains that he likes devoting himself to others because then he doesn ', t focus on his own problems . he decides that he wants to be a physician  leaves the place and a couple of years later enrolls in the medical college of virginia . as a med student  patch ', s antics at the school ', s hospital catch the attention of his soon to be arch - enemy  straight - laced dean walcott ( bob gunton ) . the dean is so opposed to the goofiness that he wants patch kicked out of school although he ', s one of the top students . he writes in patch ', s academic file that he shows " excessive happiness . " i walked into the film knowing little about its history and wondered about its odd mechanical pacing . there also seemed to be no reason that it is set in the early seventies . then it struck me . it must be based on a true story . the movie is an adaptation of a book by hunter adams who founded the gesundheit institute  a free clinic . robin williams is an amazing actor . while he is adept at dramatic roles  his forte is over - the - top free spirits . that ', s what makes his failure here so remarkable . patch is exactly the character he should be best at  yet even the scene where he and another mental patient are battling fierce imaginary squirrels falls flat . something holds him back . most of the rest of the cast is two - dimensional . for a film that champions seeing patients as human beings  it ', s curious that the ones here are cardboard characters . peter coyote as a man dying of cancer is refreshing because he seems like a real person . unfortunately he ', s in the film for only about two minutes . the audience is blatantly lead by a ring in its nose from scene to scene . we ', re not left to our own emotional decisions : we ', re hit over the head with them . shaved - headed children with cancer  an elderly woman whom patch makes laugh  a beautiful woman who can ', t love because of her abusive history . when a group of students fix up an old house to use as a clinic in the andy hardy " hey  let ', s put on a play ! we can use the barn and my mom can make the curtains ! " mode  they laugh and roll around while painting each other . there might as well be giant signs flashing : " feel good now ! " " feel bad now ! " " patch " is a good title for the film . it is a patchwork of every manipulative scene you can think of . the full - of - life student fights stodgy establishment types . there ', s a touching death . then there ', s another . the film doesn ', t trust us to get it the first time . the dean tries to kick patch out and later he tries again . worst of all is the final courtroom bit . scary - looking old men sit in judgment of a man who only wants to help people . the room is packed with patch ', s supporters . williams makes a supposedly impassioned speech about the humanity of all . it has as much emotion as his earlier statement " humans are the only animal that kills members of its own species " contains truth . most of the blame must be placed with the director tom shadyac and screenwriter steve oedekerk . shadyac also directed the first " ace ventura " movie . oedekerk directed the second one . need i say more ? the real adams is to be admired for his devotion to treating patients as people rather than diseases . the film has a number of worthy messages about the state of the modern medical business with hmos and managed care . the " doctors are not gods " theme will resonate with a number of people  but it ', s so poorly produced that no one will care .
neg young einstein is embarrassingly lame  but that didn ', t stop it from becoming a phenomenon in australia  where it became the third largest box office hit of all time . in the u . s .  warner brothers is hoping the movie will follow in the footsteps of paul hogan  inxs  and shrimp on the barby to become the latest rage from down under . personally  i ', m hoping americans everywhere will rise to the occasion and make young einstein a box office bomb . young einstein sprang from the twisted mind of yahoo serious  who not only wrote  produced  edited  and directed the film  but also starred and did his own stunts . his creation is about as stupid and contrived as you ', d expect from someone named yahoo . the movie takes substantial historical liberties in recreating einstein ', s youth . whereas the scientist actually hailed from germany  the film finds him still living with his parents on tasmania  a remote australian island . in addition to deriving the formula for energy and the theory of relativity  albert invents surfing  bubbles in beer  and the electric guitar . yahoo plays einstein as a naive and unrefined country hick -- a clown with an insatiable curiosity . although yahoo ', s performance is at first endearing  the one - dimensional characterization loses its novelty faster than you can say e = mc2 . yahoo has created a charming family for albert  and the scenes on tasmania are often clever . but after the first twenty minutes  the movie quickly plummets and degenerates into a poor excuse for a comedy . young einstein is hampered by its lethargic pace and inane plot . yahoo must be an mtv addict because his movie features an omnipresent soundtrack ; unfortunately  the music is altogether gratuitous and quickly becomes overbearing . almost every other scene includes a blaring rock song that leaves you wondering whether you are watching a movie or a music video . the instrumental score  on the other hand  is generally playful ; yahoo uses such classics as the " 1812 overture " and the theme from the good  the bad and the ugly to great comic effect . halfway through young einstein  i knew for sure the movie was a stinker . but it wasn ', t until the very end that i finally put my finger on why : the comedy takes its roots not from whimsical film fantasies ( such as young sherlock holmes ) but from cheesy prime - time sitcoms . in fact  young einstein might have been more at home on network television  where its sophomoric humor wouldn ', t raise any eyebrows .
neg this is the last carry on film with its almost intact regular cast and it is the swansong of hattie jacques and sid james . dick turpin ( sid james ) and his gang which includes harriett / harry ( barbara windsor ) and tom " doc " scholl ( peter butterworth )  terrorise the countryside by staging highway robberies : " stand and deliver ! " owing to the increased occurrence of turpin ', s robberies  captain desmond fancey of the bow street runners ( kenneth williams ) and his sidekick sergeant jock strapp ( jack douglas ) visit turpin ', s area of influence to bring him to justice . they are under the express orders of sir roger daley ( bernard bresslaw ) . their intellect does not count for much and when they increasingly become suspicious of reverend flasher aka dick turpin ( sid james )  whom they confided in earlier  they still cannot believe that the rector has any part in these robberies . however  once they catch harriett and put her in jail  and sir roger daley takes complete charge  it seems that there is no hope for dick turpin . then again  sir roger has assigned the dimwits fancey and jock strapp aswell as the old dithering constable ( kenneth connor ) to keep an eye on their prisoner ! there is no doubt that this is a ', sid james ', carry on movie . he excels in double roles ( as in ', carry on - don ', t lose your head ', ) and his performance as flasher and turpin is hilarious . barbara windsor is also funny as harriett the sex mad housemaid and member of the gang  and hattie jacques ', small but effective role as the rector ', s housekeeper martha hoggett is played to perfection . jack douglas plays a milder version of his excruciatingly annoying on - screen persona and kenneth williams is given a rather mundane part . peter butterworth is not allowed to shine in his boring performance as tom  and bernard bresslaw ', s character appears only briefly in the film . the only notable performance from the support cast comes from joan sims as madame desiree  who is travelling around the country escorting her starlets the ', birds of paradise ', and sporting a fake french accent . when her girls and her are robbed by turpin  she is determined to catch him and helps the reverend to find the culprit ! a carry on by the numbers  this movie is only notable for the great performance by sid james in his last carry on movie . the jokes are bluer  the script is poorer ( it is the last script written by talbot rothwell )  but the music is a marked improvement . although nearly all the regulars appear  they seem to be just going through the motions . none of the high spirits of the earlier films are apparent here . just a selection of crude jokes and repititive double - entendres .
neg one of the first films of 1999 is this mtv pictures release which marks the first leading feature role for james van der beek  the star of the wb ', s runaway hit dawson ', s creek . following in the foot steps of mtv ', s two other live action films  joe ', s apartment ( 1996 ) and dead man on campus ( 1998 )  varsity blues is a bad film and is unlikely to cause much of a sensation in the marketplace . set in west cannan  texas  the film examines the small town obsession with high school football through the eyes of second string quarterback john " mox " moxon ( van der beek ) . we know he ', s smart because he reads kurt vonnegut instead of the playbook . coach bud kilmer ( jon voight ) has been around so long there is actually a bronze statue commemorating him . the star quarterback  lance harbor ( paul walker )  is a handsome  blonde  hero who has his own billboard in his front yard and dates the sexy head cheerleader  darcy ( ali larter ) . also on the team are an enormous guy ( ron lester ) with some health problems and the token african - american team member ( eliel swinton ) whose only real dialogue scene deals directly with the color of his skin . when lance is seriously injured  mox gets his chance to shine and he runs with it  undermining kilmer with his unusual playing strategies . his relationship with his dutiful girlfriend  jules ( amy smart )  is threatened and there ', s a big game at the end . guess who wins ? nothing about varsity blues is inspired and the whole film simply moves through the sort of conventional motions that coach kilmer would love . there ', s a chance for some smart satire on small town obsessions but the humor here is decidedly lowbrow . van der beek does a decent job of carrying his first film although a silly accent trips him up sometimes . also  the role isn ', t very much of a stretch from his dawson leary character . he ', s still a pseudo - intellectual  whiny  nice guy  except here he also happens to be a jock . voight is a terror as he chews up every single piece of scenery and spits it out . the other adults are all notably awful while the younger performers don ', t fare much better . on the positive side  walker is a charismatic actor who is due for a breakout role following this and his supporting turn in pleasantville ( 1998 ) . scott ( son of james ) caan has some lively moments as tweeder  the team ', s wild man . larter  as a gorgeous seductress looking for a one way ticket out of texas  gets to show off the film ', s most interesting costumes  including a very eye - opening " whipped cream bikini . " it ', s interesting to note that the film definitely earns its r - rating with a lot of harsh language  alcohol abuse and an unusually high amount of nudity ( including a gratuitous trip to a strip bar that reveals a not very surprising surprise ) . all this is likely to come as a shock to the young female fan base of dawson ', s creek  presumably the target audience for the picture . director brian robbins previously helmed the kids feature good burger ( from nickelodeon films  a sister company of mtv ) and changes directions here a bit but still fails to make much of an impression . the look of the movie is as bland as the town and characters who populate it . the football scenes are generally unexciting and the entire film looks a bit washed out . there ', s an ok soundtrack featuring music from collective soul  foo fighters  green day and aaliyah but it ', s not as impressive as one would expect from a mtv film .
neg susan granger ', s review of " america ', s sweethearts " ( columbia / sony ) what a waste of a talented cast ! billy crystal and co - writer peter tolan have concocted a sly  provocative premise and  as the opening credits roll  it ', s obvious that they ', re attempting an old - fashioned romantic comedy . the story involves a veteran publicist ( billy crystal ) who is summoned to orchestrate a press junket in las vegas when an arrogant director ( christopher walken ) holds a megabuck movie hostage in his editing room  refusing to show it to anyone . he figures that by giving the journalists juicy hints of a possible reconciliation between the film ', s once - married - but - now - estranged stars  gwen and eddie ( catherine zeta - jones  john cusack )  they ', ll be so distracted that they won ', t remember they didn ', t see the movie or it wasn ', t what they expected . ( and crystal thought of this long before a sony exec concocted the phony critic / david manning quote scandal ! ) for help  he turns to gwen ', s personal assistant / sister ( julia roberts ) . but the laughs are few and far - between . crystal ', s glib  cynical flack isn ', t wickedly funny enough with a few amusing one - liners . after six months under the care of a depak chopra - like guru ( alan arkin )  cusack ', s character ', s too emotionally fragile  lacking the necessary charisma . zeta - jones ', s vain  narcissistic diva is undeveloped and one - dimensional . only hank azaria  as zeta - jones ', s much - macho spanish lover  and stanley tucci  as a studio exec  and roberts manage to whip up any farcical froth . basically  we don ', t like these ego - driven  stereotypical characters  let alone root for them to unwind their romantic entanglements  and joe roth ', s direction is predictable  formulaic and telegraphic . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " america ', s sweethearts " is a contrived  shallow 4 . as a screwball satire  it ', s strictly superficial .
neg susan granger ', s review of " jeepers creepers " ( mgm / ua entertainment ) this nasty  little horror film begins as a bickering brother ( justin long ) and sister ( gina philips ) are driving through the desolate countryside on their way home from college and spy a man dropping wrapped - up bodies down a drainage pipe . when long decides to investigate  there ', s nothing but trouble . " you know the part in scary movies where somebody does something really stupid and everybody hates them for it ? - well  this is it ! " philips warns . what he finds in the basement of an old  abandoned church is a dying boy with a horrifying  jagged - stitched incision from his neck to his navel  plus hundreds of other mutilated bodies  stitched together on the walls and ceiling like a disgusting tapestry . long flees but now the monstrous  winged creeper ( jonathan breck ) is after both of them ! eileen brennan appears briefly as the cat lady and patricia belcher is jezelle  a psychic who explains the evil creature ', s bizarre feeding habits . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " jeepers creepers " is a fiendishly visceral 2 with an extraordinarily gruesome conclusion  giving new meaning to the old song " jeepers creepers . " and now - as paul harvey would say - for the rest of the story . what ', s more scary than the cruelty of the satanic film itself is the fact that writer / director victor salva is a convicted child molester who videotaped himself having oral sex with a 12 year - old actor in california . sentenced to three years in prison  he served 15 months and completed parole in 1992 . when salva made " powder " ( 1995 )  the story of an albino boy with supernatural abilities  disney studio executives claimed that they did not know about his prior conviction as a pedophile . and now  once again  in this mgm / ua film  that fact is conspicuously absent from his press kit bio .
neg this independent film written and directed by eric bross has the look and feel of all those other troubled blue - collar youth films that have inundated the market in recent times . it is hard to tell what is independent about this film ; it might as well have been made in hollywood or on a home videocam . it is the debut film for the director  who tells his personal story about italians growing up with heavy new jersey accents and remaining tight with each other as they grow into young adults  a tale which could have been rewarding to see in the 1950s  where the mind - set of all the characters depicted is grounded  but to see it in the 1990s is a different story : it is old news . the love story between the simple girl waiting to get married and her luckless boyfriend turning nasty on her doesn ', t mean much  since their relationship remained undeveloped . the introduction of the wise - guy angle and the loyality among buddies bit  are not moving enough emotional experiences or intelligent enough dramatics to elevate this film above its limited story line despite the tour - de - force performance by the star of the film  adrien brody as ray . ray is the only son of a low - level mobster once arrested for running an illegal casino operation out of his bloomfield  new jersey  suburban basement . ray sr . ( vincent ) is now trying to make a go of it by running a small scale home - repair business . his son lives with him and works unhappily as a shoe salesman  dreaming of getting rich quickly so he can open a business and marry his long - time waitress girlfriend joanne ( sybil ) . the title of this film refers to the shoe size of paul newman - 10b  which really has nothing to do with explaining anything about the film . you should be aware that there are a lot of things about this film that don ', t make sense : its constant brainless chatter between the buddies  their uneventful growing pains  and the despair of their lives  make it very difficult to feel any empathy for them . desperate to make his dream come through  ray goes to a loanshark  humorously and menacingly played by james e . moriarty  and borrows 10 grand to bet on a " sure thing " at freehold raceway . the horse loses and now ray has big problems  as the loanshark comes after him with his muscle to get his dough . there is nothing i have seen so far to like about ray . he is undependable  mean - spirited  and stupid . so when his best friend mike ( gallagher )  the narrator of the film  gets a chance to sleep with his girlfriend -- who cares ? the director must be kidding himself if he thinks we do . as for ray ', s gambling debt and his dilemma of how to pay it off  the story is too predictable for anything other than what you would expect to happen . his buddies  the college student mike and the dependable butchie ( gillan )  and his old man  who he has this love / hate relationship with  rally to his aid . and the film ends on an obligatory artistic note of ambiguity  that seems to be the way it is for all those wannabe artistic films  as ray is off to florida all by his lonesome self to try to put his life together . there was just no energy or spark or anything relevant in this superficial film to keep it interesting  though adrien brody showed signs that he could be a future star . because of his intensity and looks  he reminds me of sean penn .
neg come on hollywood  surprise me . stop giving us these poorly written thrillers with banal dialogue  sketchy characters and plots as predictable as the sunset . the always watchable morgan freeman plays a detective who becomes personally involved in a case involving missing girls . personal  because his niece is one of the victims . it ', s a slobbering psychopath  of course  but this time there ', s a twist . freeman notes that each of the young women who ', ve disappeared are all strong willed  assertive  and more successful in their careers than the average girl . we soon learn that the guy calls himself casanova  whose aim is to " dominate " these modern gals by imprisoning them in some dungeon and keeping them as his personal harem . anyway  one of the women manages to escape ( ashly judd ) and teams up with freeman to . . . well  you know the rest . a brief glance at the plot to silence of the lambs  with which this film is constantly being compared to by the hype merchants  may suggest lambs also has a fairly predictable story . perhaps  but that film also has superbly drawn characters and smart dialogue . so lets not insult a great movie by taking the comparisons any further  okay ? and as for comparisons to seven . . . oh please ! kiss the girls is based on the novel by james patterson and written for the screen by one david klass . maybe the novel was a stinker to start with  but whatever the case  it ', s the writing that ', s clearly at fault here . one  these characters have very little to say that ', s engaging or interesting . two  the script has no sense of humour . three  while the notion of a psycho ', s victims being smart  successful women is an interesting twist  the execution isn ', t even half as good as the idea . thus  ashly judd comes across all out of focus  instead of being the heart of the story . we can ', t feel her rage . some atrociously written casual exchanges between her and several male characters are supposed to remind us that she ', s the no - bullshit 90 ', s type  but these conversations barely register . and as for freeman  kiss the girls is his second dog in a year : first chain reaction  now this . for an actor of his calibre  this is most worrying . young director gary fleder scored a hit a few years back with his quirky pulp fiction - esque things to do in denver when your dead . but what can he do with material as resolutely mediocre as this ? not much  and you can hardly blame him . there ', s a few well - staged chase scenes through the forest where the camera whirls  dives and jumps  and the effect is startling . but the script is beyond rescue . what hurts most is that hollywood continues to get away with serving up this tripe  safe in the knowledge that jaded audiences will lap it up . complacency rules : it ', s been so long since we saw a mainstream american thriller that delivered juicy characters  real surprises and consistently sharp dialogue . the only consolation for this viewer is that my ticket to the movie was a freebie  positive proof that the best things in life aren ', t free . . . . .
neg capsule : the much anticipated re - adaptation of the pierre boulle novel comes to the screen as a dark and a little dreary film with lots of chases and fighting  but very little intelligence . visually there is much to like about this version  but the approach is to take an adventure after the style of gulliver ', s travels and treat it as an action film . that makes it a film without much center .  0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) pierre boulle  author of the bridge on the river kwai  wrote planet of the apes ( a . k . a . monkey planet )  the novel  as a social satire . it reads a lot like a fifth book of gulliver ', s travels . humans discover a planet in which the roles of apes and humans have been reversed  not unlike the roles of horses and humans on jonathan swift ', s island of the houyhnhnms . the novel moves somewhat slowly to create some suspense in revealing all the things most film fans know to be true about the nature of the planet . it seems to me there is also a statement about human cruelty to animals  but perhaps i was just looking for that . when rod serling adapted the novel into a film released in 1968  he added a number of serling touches  familiar from episodes of the twilight zone and changed the ending to make it more serling - ish . the final irony of the original version has become film history . without it there could never have been a " planet of the apes " film series . i can surmise only that serling ran into serious script problems in how to handle the tricky question of language . in the book the apes had their own language and the human eventually learned that language . that could have been done in the film  but that would have required the entire film to be subtitled for the non - ape - speaking . serling avoided this by having the apes speak english and  of course  there is some justification for that by the end of the film . justifying why the apes spoke english may have even been the inspiration for his surprise ending . but serling never tackles the all - important question of why a supposedly intelligent human never shows any curiosity or even surprise that the apes speak his own language  a language they had no opportunity to ever hear . few viewers questioned this serious plot hole  however  and the film has become well respected in cinema history . partial credit at least should go to jerry goldsmith whose extremely inventive score is one of goldsmith ', s best if not his best . when the film ', s success called for sequels  the filmmakers turned up the violence and they added well - intentioned  though not very subtle  political messages about what was happening in the united states of the 1960s and 1970s . while the first film had a little shooting of guns and what was there seemed a little half - hearted  by the second film  beneath the planet of the apes  there was a good deal more violence and from that point on the series had a lot of violence and chases . the series concluded with battle for the planet of the apes in 1973 . now director tim burton tries his hand at adapting the original book again . for those who thought that the 1968 version was not very faithful to the book  burton ', s new version is even less faithful . first  he does not really reverse the roles of the humans and the apes . he has them both be intelligent  articulate races battling for a dominance of the planet currently in the hands  uh  make that paws  of the apes . that could be a good story too  but it is not planet of the apes . as with the mission impossible films and so many other cinematic homages to the third quarter of the last century  the title makes promises that the filmmakers have no intention of honoring . in 2029 leo davidson ( mark wahlberg  not this world ', s most expressive actor ) works on a space station increasing the intelligence and usefulness of apes . then a convenient time storm sweeps him up wizard - of - oz - fashion and drops him on an alien planet . ( yes  he survives this storm  but then no storm is perfect . ) he quickly finds  not greatly to any surprise he shows  that on this planet apes rule and humans drool  but everybody talks . and the language they talk is earth - english . apparently it does not even occur to leo that there is a mystery that needs to be explained about that . the fact it does not occur to leo and apparently didn ', t occur to tim burton either is the heart of the real horror of this film . both just assumed that if apes were going to talk the language they would speak would be english . in any case having one talking race dominating another makes this not a look at human - animal relationships and more one of the master - slave relationships . outside of sudan and a few other countries this is a less relevant topic . leo is captured to be used as a slave but also is discovered by ari  played by helena bonham carter . ari is an attractive ape with close ties to high political power . she is bent on making the world a better place . perhaps in a previous draft of the script she was called hil - ari . in any case with makeup that stifles her usual pout  carter is just about as attractive as she has ever been in a film . she may want to consider this to become her standard look from this point forward . it is not long before leo escapes with some human and only a couple of sympathetic apes . this is a further abandonment of the source material . the chase severely limits the interplay of ape and human and the examination of each ', s place in this reversed society  each important in the book . we cannot see how the society works because most of the screentime society has broken down . we see the humans either separated from the apes or fighting them . burton chooses visceral thrills over cerebral ones at almost every turn . this is a miscalculation  as characters so lacking in empathy value are difficult ones to place much emotional investment in . they are basically chess pieces and the viewer has little reason to root for them to win . the 1968 script had little subtlety  with lines like " i never met an ape i didn ', t like  " but at least we cared for what happened to taylor  the main character . most of what this film has to offer is in the visuals . the visual work is spotty but generally nicely done except that so much of the film takes place in the night or in fog . this tends to limit close looks at the makeup . in general it seems much improved from 1968 . the makeup team is led by rick baker instead of john chambers  who did it for the 1968 version . in 1968 chambers makeup was a jaw - dropper . it was realistic enough to almost be believable but flexible enough to show emotion . chambers is good  but if anyone had a chance to best him it would have to be baker . today audiences have higher expectations ; baker ', s visualization is really an improvement . these visuals work nicely . what does not work is the wire - assisted leaps some of the apes make . they look like they were inspired by the physics - defying leaps of crouching tiger  hidden dragon . apes spring incredible distances . some of the best scenes are apes running into battle looking like they have ape posture  but when they start flying through the air the effect is lost . one final visual problem is that the film frequently shows its budget in what should be spectacular battle scenes the camera shows us only a small group of people close - up . since the days of lon chaney and boris karloff few actors have crossed over to stardom in a role that required heavy make - up . the one actor who has a shot is paul giamatti . it is not that his lines are so good  most are silly jokes . but he delivers them very well . he was always a watchable actor  but has not yet made stardom . as the ape - trader limbo he over - emotes to overcome his ape make - up  but does it very well . in doing so he makes himself the most interesting thing on the screen . he is probably the best thing in the film and conjures up memories of peter ustinov ', s performance in spartacus . as an in - joke there are several lines in the script borrowed from the 1968 film and an old ape played by charleton heston becomes an allusion to the first film by itself . danny elfman ', s score has a nice primitive feel  but jerry goldsmith ', s 1968 tour de force score is a real classic . that score and the whole film will be remembered when the 2001 film is forgotten . i rate the remake 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg i wish i could accurately describe the theme music for part 3 . the best way i can put it is that it ', s funky . i know this is an odd question  but remember the opening music of " police academy 4 : citizens on patrol "  when steve guttenberg and michael winslow perform the title song " citizens on patrol " during the opening credits ? it ', s just like that . anyway  part 3 takes place a day after the events of part 2 ( so technically still 1985 ) . this time  a group of horny teens ( who also bring along two aging hippie potheads for some reason ) head up to a cabin on crystal lake for a weekend of sex and weed . it turns out that one of the teens had been attacked by jason earlier in her life ( which must have been between parts 1 and 2 ) so why she has returned to crystal lake one day after a new batch of murders is beyond me . she ', s the lone survivor this time . part 3 was originally shown in theaters in 3 - d  and from what i can tell from the video  it looks as though they may have been fairly decent effects . jason had long  wild hair when he was unmasked in part 2 . now  one day later he ', s completely bald . also  it being one day later  it can ', t be friday the 13th now can it ? oh well . steve miner is the only director who helmed more than one film in the series . [ r ]
neg jessica lange is one of the most inconsistent actresses working today . from time - to - time  she blows away audiences with powerful  intense performances . on the other hand  this is the same woman who made her jaw - droppingly awful feature debut in dino delaurentiis ', king kong . and  much as lange would probably prefer movie - goers to develop amnesia regarding that particular entry on her resume  every once in a while she does work that is reminiscent of it  if only in quality . hush is one such example . lange is so bad here that she might have been fun to watch if the rest of the film wasn ', t such a prime example of motion picture tedium . the film opens  as many so - called " psychological thrillers " do  by posing as a light drama . we are introduced to jackson ( johnathon schaech  last encounter in tom hanks ', that thing you do ! ) and helen ( gwyneth paltrow )  a picture perfect young couple who are very much in love . jackson is taking helen home for the holidays so she can meet his mother  martha ( lange ) . the moment i first saw martha  i started looking for fangs . soon  the wicked witch of the east is plotting a way for her son to get helen pregnant ( this involves poking a hole in a diaphragm ) . once that goal is accomplished  she manipulates events so that the expecting couple moves out of new york city to the horse farm where she lives . as long as she gets her way  martha is a perfectly amicable person  but when helen defies her  it ', s a declaration of war . hush has three very simple problems : it ', s incredibly dumb  it ', s incredibly boring  and it ', s incredibly predictable ( at least up to the stupefying ending ) . this film has absolutely nothing to recommend it  with the exception of a couple of nice shots of snow - covered fields and a quick glimpse of gwyneth paltrow ', s bare buttocks . frankly  it ', s embarrassing to watch a respected actress of lange ', s stature give a performance like this -- it ', s like a bad blanche dubois ( the role she played in a 1995 tv version of a streetcar named desire ) . meanwhile  paltrow does her best to get through her dialogue without gaping at the stupidity of some of her lines  and schaech attempts a passable imitation of an inanimate object . as in all psychological thrillers  the battle lines are clearly drawn . here  it ', s mom and against wife  with jackson caught in the middle . of course  since schaech ', s character is poorly - developed and badly acted  it ', s impossible to say how he feels about being in that situation . maybe someone should ask him if he ', s familiar with oedipus . martha is  of course  the evil one . how do we know she ', s evil ? she smokes cigarettes and drinks hard liquor -- two sure signs that the devil is at work . on the other hand  helen is a good girl . the evidence for this is that she ', s nice to old ladies and treasures a locket with a picture of her dead parents . that ', s about it for character development . beyond that point  hush is just a series of increasingly hard - to - swallow coincidences  contrivances  and moronic plot twists . however  the first 85 minutes are just a warm - up for the ending  which is as anticlimactic as it is profoundly dissatisfying . i can ', t imagine anyone  no matter what they thought of the movie as a whole  liking this conclusion . either there was some serious last - minute editing or someone left out a few pages of the script . before the climax  i disliked hush ; by the time the end credits started  i hated it . viewers invest something in every movie they watch  no matter how good or bad it is . cheating them like this is offensive and unpardonable . most entries into this worn - out  worm - eaten genre aren ', t especially good . films like consenting adults  the hand that rocks the cradle  and single white female rely on stock plots and predictable twists to propel the narrative along . in general  however  they ', re directed with a degree of competence that assures a level of sustained tension . that ', s not the case with really bad thrillers like this  which fail to generate even a momentary heart palpitation -- the characters are too bland and the plot is too uninvolving for anyone in the audience to care . indeed  the title of this movie probably refers to what the producers hope viewers will do in lieu of telling their friends what they really think of this sorry piece of celluloid .
neg synopsis : sonny koufax ( adam sandler ) is a rich  childish  angry man who has just been dumped by his girlfriend vanessa ( kristy swanson ) . in a bid to impress vanessa sonny impersonates his friend kevin ( jon stewart ) and adopts a 5 year old boy named julian ( cole and dylan sprouse ) while kevin is on an overseas trip . under sonny ', s supervision julian soon learns to lie to women  tell people how he " wipes his ass  " throw tantrums  and scream for his " god damned " treats . self centered  julian breaks a school classmate ', s arm without apologizing or even realizing he has done anything wrong . meanwhile sonny bribes julian with sugary talk  food  toys  and flashy promises in order to get the kid to perform . not surprisingly the government takes julian away from sonny ', s incompetent supervision  and this leads to a custody battle . opinion : it ', s a movie about an embittered creep teaching a little kid to be a jerk  and we all get cheap laughs because for 90 minutes the innocent kindergartner never finds out what it means when he mimics all the bad boy behavior . that ', s the essence of big daddy . but there ', s a bigger issue involved : marketing . movies that are rated pg and pg - 13 are heavily marketed towards children of preteen age and below . on tv  film clips advertise these movies as family - friendly hit comedies . then when you go see them they turn out to be either raunchy sex acts like austin powers with characters named fat bastard - - or big daddy where adult characters get their jollies by buddying up to naive five year olds and encouraging them to experiment with drugs and mistreatment . folks in hollywood are trying to develop a preteen market for raunchy stuff  but i think most american parents would agree that early childhood is a time of mental innocence that should be protected from uncaring media market exploitation . to many american mothers there ', s probably nothing more pathetic and unsettling than the sight of a theater full of unsupervised little eight year olds laughing raucously as movie character father adam sandler jokes about a woman ', s " ice cold tits . "
neg certainly no one would rent ed wood ', s glen or glenda ? expecting to see a good movie  but this screwy discourse about transvestitism betrays a level of incompetence that i didn ', t know was possible . in fact  wood ', s infamous plan 9 from outer space actually seems pretty tame by comparison . watching glen or glenda ? i found myself occasionally wondering if wood had originally made two or three separate movies and accidentally edited them together ; as a result  it is actually quite entertaining in that it is unintentionally hilarious . the movie starts out as what mostly seems like a bad documentary  with endless  repetitive narration about transvestites  how difficult it is for a transvestite to look at his girlfriend ', s clothes without being able to wear them  how transvestites are not necessarily homosexuals  and how the main character  glen / glenda is ( as it reminds us probably half a dozen times ) " not half man and half woman  but man and woman at the same time . " the camera work is terrible - occasionally the camera lingers on  say  a closed door while the characters talk off - screen  or inexplicably zooms in on someone ', s ear or nose . wood also makes copious use of mostly irrelevant stock footage  which leads to voiced - over non - sequiturs like  " yes  our world is a busy and frightening place  with so many people driving their automobiles . " finally  there is occasional commentary from bela lugosi as a sort of omniscient being who seems to inhabit a frankenstein - style laboratory  delivering pointless lines such as  " people . . . all with their own thoughts . . . their own ideas . . . . " while lightning crackles quasi - ominously overhead . had wood continued in this vein  glen or glenda ? probably would have been remembered as nothing more than a poorly done documentary with the occasional inappropriate horror - movie touch . unfortunately  he then wanders so far off into left field that you have to wonder if he had been eating some funny mushrooms when he wrote the script . " pull the string ! pull the string ! " announces an alarmed lugosi as stock footage of buffalo appears . there is another crash of lightning before lugosi returns  this time warning us  " beware . . . beware the big green dragon that lurks outside your door ! . . . it eats little boys . . . and puppy dogs ', tails . . . and big fat snails ! " a bizarre nightmare sequence  which is probably meant to be symbolic but instead is just incredibly stupid  ensues  during which glen / glenda finds his fiance trapped under a fallen tree - in the living room . someone who is apparently intended to be the sinister " green dragon " ( but looks more like a klingon from the original star trek series ) appears to be orchestrating all this  though the film is far from clear on this point ( to put it kindly ) . near the end of this scene - and here i must confess that wood lost me completely - is a violent sexual encounter on a couch that features two characters who do not even appear in the rest of the movie and is scored by goofily upbeat folk music . after this scene ends ( not a moment too soon )  glen or glenda ? returns to its documentary style  but at that point any lingering sense that wood had the slightest idea what he was doing is pretty much gone . the film wanders to a dumb happy ending that also seems to abandon much of what it was trying to say about transvestitism  but at that point it didn ', t matter much what happened . as soon as the aforementioned sex scene was over  glen or glenda ? had pretty much cemented its place in my mind as the most incoherent film i had ever seen . i honestly think that if i picked up my camcorder and deliberately tried to make the worst movie i possibly could  it still might not match glen or glenda ? for sheer cinematic disaster . i am giving this movie an f  but i ', m not sure that quite does it justice .
neg the second serial - killer thriller of the month is just awful . oh  it starts deceptively okay  with a handful of intriguing characters and some solid location work . after a baby - sitter gets gutted in the suit - ably spooky someone ', s - in - the - house prologue  parallel stories unfold  the first involving a texas sheriff ( r . lee emery )  a gruesome double murder  and the arrival of a morose fbi agent ( dennis quaid ) on the eve of voting for the local lawman ', s reelection . the second pairs a hitch - hiker ( jared leto ) with a friendly former railroad worker ( danny glover ) . they ', re headed west  toward the rockies and away from the murder scene . which one is the killer ? well  it doesn ', t really matter  ', cause when writer / first - time director jeb stuart ( die hard ) finally spills the beans  you won ', t take his choice seriously anyway . the whole thing goes south about an hour in  with the tale taking hairpin turns that i certainly couldn ', t follow . and through the whole thing there ', s quaid  playing with the most intense monotony this side of steven sea - gal . i guess i ', m glad that i didn ', t walk out -- there ', s some nice train stuff at the end and a fun nod to dr . strangelove .
neg this is my first review that i post to this newsgroup  and i kind of feel like i have to say something negative about this film . no one else seems to care that it takes certain liberties that should not be taken with a historical story . however  even if one thinks of it as fiction  " the prince of egypt " remains shallow . but i ', ll begin from the beginning . the biggest difference between the original  biblical story and this version is that moses has some semblance of divinity in the bible  whereas the animated version gives the impression of a reluctant hero . maybe it ', s just me  but if i knew i had god on my side  i ', d have a little bit more confidence . there are other differences as well  such as a lack of important female characters and the passing over of the original pharoah ', s death like it ', s nothing but a thing . most of all  though  the story ', s focus has shifted . rather than being a story about father - son  man - ethnicity  man - god  " the prince of egypt " is almost solely about the brother - brother relationship between rameses and moses . i was originally excited about this story element until i saw the movie  where it came off as maudlin . rameses and moses squabble like children and then  in the interests of peace  moses saves rameses ', butt  even though moses was the one who started it . . . * yawn * i didn ', t care anymore by the time moses ran off for murdering an overseer ( which  of course  never happened in the original story - moses was exiled ) . but enough about the differences . let ', s talk about the movie itself . it features a moses who  in the interests of making the character more human  lacks any divinity whatsoever  which isn ', t convincing at all to anyone who knows who god is . it features a cookie - cutter " i - wanna - please - dada " rameses  who at least is given dignity by the voicework of ralph fiennes ( from schindler ', s list  among other things ) . the film also features an extremely annoying character by way of the " new - improved " miriam  voiced by the ever - antsy sandra bullock  even though the most irritating thing about her is her tendency to burst into song for no apparent reason ( here bullock is replaced by a singing voice ) . speaking of which  it contains * very * annoying music . it contains shallow writing . it features extraordinary animation  which is one good thing i can say about this film . most of all  it contains an attempt to commercialize  homogenize  and mass - market a story about a manifestation of god . i am not christian  but i got the impression of blasphemy . the writers and producers took a butcher knife and chop - chopped into the story .
neg for " original sin  " the road to the screen has been rocky . initially slated for release last november  the film was bumped twice  finally landing in the dog days of summer 2001 . advance screenings of the film were denied to all but a few critics  generally a sign that the studio realizes it has a dud on its hands . so is " original sin " really all that bad ? yes it is  but the melodrama does offer some rewards . the location settings are gorgeous and there is a healthy sprinkling of t & a ( with angelina jolie providing the " t " and antonio banderas the " a " ) . more importantly  the movie is entertainingly bad . veteran readers know that  as a rule  i don ', t encourage people to patronize lousy films . most of the time  there are plenty of quality offerings on the marketplace that are more deserving of our money and besides  the " let ', s go laugh at the failings of others " mindset reflects an elitism that makes me uncomfortable . but things are different this summer . quality films  to put it mildly  have been few and far between  so as far as i ', m concerned  it ', s fair to find our kicks where we may . " original sin " will never join such treasures as " valley of the dolls  " " road house " and " showgirls " in the bad movie hall of fame  but it ', ll do until something worse comes along . the film  adapted by director michael cristofer from the cornell woolrich novel  " waltz into darkness " ( which was also the source for the 1969 francois truffaut film  " mississippi mermaid " )  opens in a turn - of - the - century prison  as jolie ', s character  slated for a dawn execution  tells her lurid tale to a priest who appears desperately horny . the freshman writing class tone is quickly established when she says things like  " this is not a love story  it is a story about love . " wary of local gold - diggers  cuban coffee dealer luis antonio vargas ( banderas ) makes arrangements to secure a mail order bride from america  listing himself as a mere clerk to dissuade foreign gold - diggers . a practical man  luis chooses a frumpy looking lady  hoping she will be a loyal mate able to provide him with children . imagine his surprise when his fianc ? e  julia russell ( jolie )  turns out to be infinitely more attractive than the woman in the photo . julia explains that she sent a different woman ', s image because she didn ', t want to be selected solely for her pretty face . luis then confesses his deception  leading julie to state  with great significance  " we have something in common  we are both not to trusted . " after their wedding  luis and julia retire for a glorious night of carefully choreographed lovemaking  with their bodies positioned to display her breasts and his bottom as erotically as possible . jolie and banderas are attractive people and watching them naked is fun  although the filmmakers ', insistence on using one of banderas ', legs to cover jolie ', s crotch makes it look like he ', s trying to climb her . luis  the stupidest man who ever lived  immediately instructs the bank to make his personal and business accounts available to julia  despite the fact that she seems nothing like the woman with whom he corresponded . his blissful ignorance continues as the warning signs mount up . luis must force julia to write to her sister emily  who is frantic over her lack of communication . shortly after julia complains about the chirping of a pet bird  it is found on the floor of its cage with a broken neck . finally  when she cleans out his accounts and disappears  luis begins to suspect that something might be wrong . incidentally  if you ', re afraid i ', m giving too much away  rest assured that all of this happens in the first 30 minutes of the movie  leaving plenty of time for numerous dopey plot twists  a great deal of operatic acting and more footage of her tits and his ass . along the way  private detective walter downs ( played by thomas jane  who was terrific as mickey mantle in the hbo movie " 61 * " ) turns up  hired by the frumpy woman ', s sister to find out what happened to the real julia . luis is also eager for the detective to track down the con artist  having decided that if he can ', t have her  he will kill her . oh  the pathos of it all . the cast appears to recognize the trashiness of the story  adjusting their performances accordingly . banderas is suitably impassioned  while jolie alternates between vamping and pouting ( and with those lips  she can really pout ) . as for thomas jane  he starts off acting suspicious and cagey  then accelerates to a snidely whiplash level of nastiness . his most startling moment comes when  to prove his power to humiliate  he forces luis against a wall  verbally taunts him while rubbing his cheeks against those of luis and then finishes establishing his dominance with a full - on kiss . if anyone ever questions the difference between sex and rape  show them this chilling scene . and if anyone ever questions the difference between real drama and a laughable potboiler  show them " original sin . "
neg one would think that david duchovny  star of the cult favorite " x - files " would be very careful in choosing his leading man cinema roles . at least one would hope so . one would be seriously incorrect . eugene sands ( duchovny ) is a surgeon so dedicated to his craft that he becomes addicted to amphetamines to stay awake and work more . it turns out to be a bad plan when he loses a patient and his license while under the influence . ten months later  in a seedy bar to score synthetic heroin  the doctor gets a chance to ply his trade when assassins gun down a customer . using a plastic water bottle and bar tubing  sands operates and saves his life . smalltime hoodlum raymond blossom ( timothy hutton ) is impressed with the cutlery skills on his associate . he kidnaps and then offers down - and - out eugene a position in his organization . blossom needs a doctor to patch up gunshot victims that would be problematic at a hospital . sand ', s temptation is that this will give him a chance to practice medicine again albeit illegally  big chunks of cash to fuel his habit and close proximity to the gangster ', s womanfriend claire ( angelina jolie )  this film ', s babe factor . the would - be big time operator is desperately in need of help . on the run from russian mobsters ( the bad guys that seem to be all the rage in this year ', s films ) and trying to cut a pirate software deal with the chinese mafia  blossom is surrounded by blood . after a few medical misadventures  the physician grows disenchanted with his employment . an encounter with a couple of psycho surfer dudes who threaten to blow him away unless he " fixes " their dead buddy cements his feeling that he is in the wrong line of work . when the fbi visits and forces him to become an informant  there is no question that he needs to be somewhere else . oddly enough  these seem like they could be exciting scenes . the film disproves that assumption . then a bunch of other uninteresting things happen . writing this only two days after seeing the film  its a struggle to remember the events . you can take that as a solid lack of recommendation . for all the coolness that duchovny exhibits in " x - files "  it ', s a surprise that his big screen presence is so lacking in charisma . the doctor is particularly bland and dull . even the cold turkey bit which is rife with dramatic possibilities come across as banal . a little chocolate and minor sweats get him through heroin withdrawal . like virtually everything else in the film  it ', s a missed opportunity . the fox mulder detachment doesn ', t work here . oscar - winner hutton ', s manic mobster is much more difficult to get a handle on . played partially for comedy and partially as crazed killer  blossom almost becomes real  but then sinks into goofiness . most of the time hutton looks as if he ', s searching for his character and coming up empty . jolie also makes a few false moves towards creating a three - dimensional human being before giving up and turning into scenery . the most interesting aspect of her performance is watching her pouty lips threaten to take over the screen . the rest aren ', t any better . michael massee ', s eccentric fbi agent never revs up . one of blossom ', s henchmen steals a few moments of the show as a quirky gunman reminiscent of val kilmer ', s doc holliday in " tombstone " . his two - gunned blasting as he does a bizarre dance is the high point of the film . but that 15 seconds isn ', t worth sitting through the other 90 minutes . first time film director andy wilson ( known for his work on the british television series " cracker " ) appears to be attempting to jump on the " pulp fiction " bandwagon . the best of these movies combine a sense of style and flash with significant substance . the second - rate ones concentrate on just one of these aspects . " playing god " does neither well . the basic idea of the film is solid . and then it goes nowhere . even worse  it plods back and forth  up and down a long and winding road before it ends up nowhere . fox fails yet again in his search for intelligent life .
neg " i would appreciate it if you didn ', t do that again . " starring jet li  bridget fonda  tch ? ky karyo  burt kwouk . directed by chris nahon . rated r . it ', s no secret that martial arts film often use their plot simply to get from one action sequence to another . when the fight scenes are enough to justify paying admission  there is no problem with this  as in most jackie chan projects and a lot of the hong kong actioners . when they aren ', t  well  we ', re in bad shape . kiss of the dragon  jet li ', s second consecutive american misfire  plays like one big miscalculation  and fails even as the most rudimentary entertainment . now before i start getting e - mails angrily touting the genius of jet li  let me explain myself . li is as spectacular as ever here  and i don ', t think anyone would ever dare call his martial - arts - star skills into question . the problem isn ', t with him  it ', s with the movie ', s tone . the much touted fight - scenes here are filmed with such unflinching  unrelenting brutality that they are unpleasant to watch . they ', re joyless  perfuctory ; li ', s rogue chinese detective is more of a killing machine than a hero  a terminator with a black belt instead of a metal skeleton . but even the terminator in judgement day had a sympathetic side . the plot isn ', t relevant  but if you ', re curious  it ', s some nonsense about a chinese law enforcement officer ( li ) sent to paris to investigate a possible drug ring and encounter a corrupt chief of police ( tcheky karyo )  who kills people and does sinister things with no motivation whatsoever . oh yeah  and li ', s character is also an acupuncture expert who is able to ease pain and / or kill at the touch of a needle . " kiss of the dragon " is the name of an acupuncture maneuver  in which you stick a needle in a precise location on the back of the victim ', s neck  somehow redirecting all of the body ', s bloodflow to the brain and killing the poor sap more or less immediately . there ', s a vague attempt to humanize li by having him fall in love with a downtrodden prostitute  whose daughter is being held hostage  for some reason  by the villain . this is one of the worst love stories i have ever seen on screen  even worse than the one in pearl harbor . there ', s no conviction whatsoever as the movie barely pays lip service to it ; it ', s only here because someone apparently thought there should be some kind of boy - meets - girl subplot . kiss of the dragon was written by luc besson  whose screenplay the messenger : the story of joan of arc  for all of that film ', s flaws  was at least thoughtful . i don ', t know why the guy got himself involved in this train wreck  but perhaps he wanted to so something more mainstream after the neverending weirdness of the fifth element and the aforementioned stylized biopic . i suppose you could call this mainstream  but i ', ll choose the bizarre any time of the day . if action scenes in a movie are going to be brutal instead of dazzling  you need a story to justify watching them . the filmmakers behind kiss of the dragon should have rethought their strategy . no one will walk out of this misbegotten project smiling  but i hear rush hour 2 is coming in just a few weeks .
neg the rich legacy of cinema has left us with certain indelible images . the tinkling christmas tree bell in " it ', s a wonderful life . " bogie ', s speech at the airport in " casablanca . " little elliott ', s flying bicycle  silhouetted by the moon in " e . t . " and now  " starship troopers " director paul verhoeven adds one more image that will live in our memories forever : doogie houser doing a vulcan mind meld with a giant slug . " starship troopers  " loosely based on the robert heinlein novel  is the story of an interstellar war between humans and giant insects . in the hands of verhoeven  the mammoth sci - fi battle flick is one of the most astonishingly bad films ever made  a monument to inept filmmaking on a colossal scale . to put it simply  it ', s a bug bomb . in " robocop " and " total recall  " verhoeven displayed a gift for creating an entertaining mix of violence  special effects and social satire  and " starship troopers " starts off in similar fashion  with a tongue - in - cheek futuristic military recruitment ad that shows promise . things go downhill fast  though  as we meet our heroes  a group of buenos aires teens preparing to graduate from high school . inexplicably  johnny rico  carmen ibenez  dizzy flores and xander barcalow are played by square - jawed anglo kids who look like they just stepped out of a mountain dew commercial . it ', s a veritable " alpha centuri 90210 " as we watch the love - smitten teens squabble in the name of love . michael ironside plays their teacher  who waves around a cheesy fake severed arm while lecturing about civic responsibilities . eventually  the kids join the military  with dreams of glory in their addled little minds . one of their classmates  carl jenkins ( " doogie houser ', s " neil patrick harris  ) snags a job in military intelligence because of his strong psychic abilities . he displays his gift by psychically ordering a pet ferret to crawl up his mother ', s leg . a long  dull boot camp sequence follows  enlivened only by an extended coed shower scene where the recruits swap snappy banter as the " showgirls " director ', s camera roams over their buff bodies . finally  a full hour into the film  the war finally starts and we meet the enemy . the bugs hail from klendathu and colonize planets by hurling their spores into space . they attack starships by spinning around and firing deadly plasma blasts from their rears . yes  incredible as it seems  the bugs actually kill with cosmic farts . a phenomenally large amount of money was spent creating the computer animated insects and the results are mixed at best . sweeping distant shots depicting hordes of giant bugs racing to attack are both impressive and scary  but the close - ups are a different matter . the insects have an odd  artificial look  like origami creations with a mottled plastic coating . the attack scenes are intensely violent  as one would expect from verhoeven  but the overall look is too phony to generate any real tension . while the action is frantic  the military strategy  wildly illogical even by hollywood standards  grows tiresome quickly . verhoeven tries to spice things up by throwing in more satiric news coverage  but the faux - jingoistic scenes of children " doing their part for the war effort " by squishing roaches on a sidewalk aren ', t enough to make up for the long stretches of sheer dreck . one can only guess what paul verhoeven was trying to do here . his customary one part satire  two parts ultra - violence formula is way out of whack  and most of the film just flounders . in " showgirls " fashion  some scenes are almost bad enough to be good . an intergalactic kegger party  with jake busey playing " dixie " on a green plexiglas fiddle  has a certain bizarre appeal . a sex scene between two of the teens achieves a smarmy charm  enhanced a few minutes later when the female receives a fatal jab from a bug  but tells her hero that she doesn ', t mind dying . " it ', s okay  " she gasps  " i got to have you ! " and then  of course  there ', s doogie ', s mind meld with a bug . it ', s possible that verhoeven was attempting to create an homage to the era of the original novel . heinlein ', s pre - " stranger in a strange land " books were aimed at adolescent males  and " starship troopers " has the antiseptic retro - future look of late 50s / early 60s sci - fi . the one cityscape shown is a jetsons - like gleaming metropolis  with flying cars whizzing past an obvious matte painting . the hairstyles are retro too  straight from the frankie avalon  annette funicello school of fashion . ultimately  verhoeven ', s motives are irrelevant . he has produce a gargantuan film that fails as an action film or as a social satire . it even fails to be an entertaining bad movie . avoid " starship troopers " at all costs .
neg tim robbins and martin lawernce team up in this road movie comedy . robbins plays an exec who discovers his wife having sex with his boss . he goes into depression  and drives around his neighbourhood until he arrives inside the usual ', ghetto ', side of every american city . there  lawernce attempts to steal his car  but to no avail  and is dragged along with robbin ', s on a trip to arizona . there  they hold up a store  are mistaken for two other robbers ( just like in my cousin vinny ) and are chased by the police  and the other robbers . of course  there ', s gags along the way  usually from lawernce . although the film is midly funny  and quite watchable  there ', s something so horribly familiar about it all . this film should really be called beverly hills midnight run there ', s lawernce with his wisecracking and heavy profanity  just like eddie murphy in beverly hills cop  and pratically the same idea as midnight run . it ', s full of all the road movie cliches  and even has a ', comedy ', car chase  which just seemed so eighties . even the credit sequence seemed to be out of a steve martin  or chevy chase  eighties comedy . there also isn ', t much chemistry between robbins and lawernce . in planes  trains and automobiles  there was real chemistry between steve martin and john candy . in nothing to lose  there is hardly chemistry at all . towards the end the chemistry seems to work  but for the bulk of the film  there is hardly any  the director directs the film in a workman like fashion  but gets the jokes across . and although there is no chemistry between the two leads  they give good performances on their own . lawerence gives a good eddie murphy performance  and robbin ', s is alright aswell . however  robbin ', s performance is nowhere near as good as the characters he played in jacob ', s ladder  and the player . in fact  if you want to see robbin ', s do comedy much better than in nothing to lose  i suggest you rent out the hudsucker proxy  where he is much funnier . nothing to lose does have some funny moments in it  however . the humour isn ', t particulary sophisticated  but if you enojyed dumb & dumber  you might enjoy this . the characters in arizona are funny  and there ', s also a good scene where robbin ', s asks a shopkeeper which ', threatening approach ', was better  lawerences ( which consisted of lawerence threatening to shoot the shopkeeper ', s ass  and swearing a lot )  or himselfs  ( which was speaking in a deep  scary voice ) but the gags are predictable  the lack of chemistry infurating  and the ending too far - fetched and ', perfect ', nothing to lose then  is robbin ', s first ', bad ', movie ( and hopefully his last )  and suggests that odereick should twice before making another film . he nearly ruined carrey ', s career with ace ventura : when nature calls  let ', s hope he hasn ', t ruined robbin ', s ( or even lawerence ', s ) with nothing to lose .
neg capsule : not as bad a sequel as crow 2 or batman & robin  but still horribly putrid  cheesy and ill - conceived . this one belongs in saturday morning cartoons . . . extended review : you know  about halfway through this movie  i realized that if you hacked out everything except the fight scenes  you ', d have a damn fine 35 minutes or so of flashy  hong kong style martial arts . beautifully choreographed by robin shou  who also plays liu kang  the fight scenes are both mind - blowing and graceful  acrobatic enough to make olympic gymnasts weep . this is what made the original so fun  but unfortunately for the sequel  we are without the frenetic directorial style of paul anderson . instead  they got john r . leonetti  the cinematographer for the original mortal kombat . not a good choice . while the fight scenes are brutal and eye - popping  the rest of the movie looks like standard made for tv fare . the acting is sub - par  which i could endure if it were not for a . ) the director ', s style  b . ) the special effects  & c . ) the treatment of the story and characters . a . ) mr . leonetti should go back to lighting  in my opinion . i could say dozens of bad things about him : he way overuses slow - motion  he has no eye for action  he can ', t get even mediocre performances out of actors  and so on . but by far his worst move was the way he treated jumping . apparantly  everybody can now fly . hell  i ', m all for the occaisional gravity defying flip kick and whatnot  but not when it happens every few minutes  and is done so poorly . better jumping and acrobatics has been seen in xena : warrior princess . in short  they should have gotten paul anderson back . or at least let robin shou direct . . . b . ) unlike the first one  whose sfx were vibrant and somewhat realistic  mk : a ', s special effects are bland  fake looking  and overall just plain bad . i counted at least half a dozen times that blue - screening was painfully obvious . had this movie been made in the 80 ', s  it would have been ground - breaking . but in today ', s industry  it doesn ', t even look finished . c . ) now for the _really_ bad parts . i admit  i ', m an avid fan of the mortal kombat series . the games are amusing diversions  an easy way to work off stress and anger . the first movie was a mindlessly fun thrillride . this could have been a really cool movie . it isn ', t . the writers apparantly deemed it necessary to lower the target audience from teens to preschoolers . some of the plot elements are just plain stupid . how stupid ? take  for instance  how our heroes move around . they use giants spheres the roll around underground  supposedly at thousands of miles per hour . . . oh boy . . . even worse is the treatment of secondary characters . blink and you ', ll miss ', em . most characters had more depth in the video games . if you thought batman & robin was bad about this  you ain ', t seen nothin ', yet . a good 75 % of the characters are introduced  kick somebody around a bit  then either die or are forgotten about . there ', s no explanation at all for this . and for the final blasphemy  the fight that all the fans were waiting rabidly for  the fight hyped to be the most intricate of the movie  lasted about 3 minutes and then just sort of . . . ended . it almost made me weep . to sum it all up  rent it on video  and fast - forward through everything except the fight scenes .
neg in " the astronaut ', s wife  " charlize theron plays a young woman with a nervous demeanor  pixie - hairdo and demon spawn unwittingly growing in her belly . if only her name wasn ', t jillian  the makers of this embarrassing bit of sci - fi shlock could have come up with a far more appropriate title : " rosemary ', s species . " what a shame it is to see such a gifted actress as theron - oscar - worthy in " the devil ', s advocate " - struggle with the lamest rip - off of a screendom classic in recent memory . ok  maybe " the astronaut ', s wife " deviates from " rosemary ', s baby " turf for its set - up  which finds our heroine terrorized not by satan ', s minions but her possessed husband ( johnny depp )  a shuttle pilot whose mission mishap leaves him  um  a changed man . predictably  he and the missus get it on in a sequence best described as unpleasant  his evil seed impregnating her with twins and realizing that great " bowfinger " line about " alien love . " theron ', s " advocate " character faced a similar dilemma  the horror there resonating strongly . " astronaut " provides only artificial anxiety . last year ', s equally noodle - headed " species ii " spun a similar premise about the breeding habits of an extraterrestrial on earth  but at least that movie more or less knew it was garbage . " the astronaut ', s wife " is grave and humor - free  passing its increasingly silly story off as full - fledged serious  right down to an ambiguous finale that isn ', t even going to satisfy those who ', ve stayed with it thus far . here ', s a hint : it involves lots of water  electrical equipment  a special effect from " the abyss " and the tots who doubled up as adam sandler ', s co - star in " big daddy . " draw your own conclusions . director / writer rand ravich coats the proceedings in dynamic sights masterminded by legendary " e . t . " cinematographer allen daviau  but too often favors the film ', s visual presentation over the story he ', s trying to tell . this bodes horribly for each dramatic development  like the surfacing of a suspicious nasa official ( " speed " ', s joe morton ) to instigate jill ', s slow and stupid comprehension of the truth . his hyper - erratic behavior is probably supposed to give wife a paranoid edge . instead  he adds to the phoniness . theron and depp are certainly beyond this junk and will get other chances to prove themselves this fall - she as part of an imposing ensemble case in the john irving adaptation " cider house rules  " he in the lead of tim burton ', s eagerly - awaited " sleepy hollow . " undeserving of such talent  " the astronaut ', s wife " manages to be derivative  dull and uninvolving despite its seemingly ripe potential for unintentional laughs . in space  no one can hear you scream . but in a movie theatre  everyone can hear you snore .
neg for a good ten years or so  super cool chow yun fat has enjoyed god hood status in the hong kong action scene . now  he has followed in the footsteps of director john woo  ( who launched chow ', s super stardom in the acclaimed ', a better tomorrow ', ) by moving to hollywood . i had some reservations about this move and it would seem i was right to have them . chow plays a hitman who is doing jobs in order to repay a debt . his final job requires him to kill a policeman ', s seven year old boy . this he refuses do and runs . however  he is forced into a violent confrontation when his family are threatned and replacement killers are brought in to do the job . cue around 80 minutes of various and quite frankly tedious shoot - outs which take place in various locations . some thought had gone into making them a bit different but unfortunately they end up being just plain boring . the car wash scene  i found myself laughing at how stupid it looked . tut tut . the emphasis during the constant action seemed to be on the accompanying music  ( i could have sworn one piece was ripped out of a bruckheimer movie ) and not on the content . mia sorvino ( a passport forger ) is dragged into the affay and also provides a lame love interest as well as being rather handy with a gun . director antoine arqua has clearly not observed chow ', s excellent acting capabilties and simply requires him to mutter a few lines of broken english and look flash as he stands and shoots . chow ', s trademark of twin pistol shooting is saved for the finale ( which in fairness is quite good ) and there ', s not even a toothpick in site . and as for making chow shoot like a cop  well that ', s damned unforgiveable . to round up  the replacement killers is a pretty darned lame first outing for chow . it would appear he has left asia for a 90 minute pop video . this is not what we wanted at all  considering john woo was the exec producer . ( did he have no say so at all ? ) watch ', the killer ', again and weep at the difference . review by chris hill . " there ', s room at the top  they are telling you still  but first you must learn how to smile as you kill  if you want to be like the folks on the hill . "
neg libby parsons ( ashley judd ) has the perfect little life -- a rich husband  a cute son  and a house on the ocean -- but when her husband nick ( bruce greenwood ) takes her sailing  she awakes to find him gone and her hands covered with blood . just as she makes it to the deck and picks up the bloody knife lying there  the coast guard arrives in response to a distress call her vanished husband sent . she ', s convicted of his murder  of course  and leaves her son matty ( benjamin weir ) with her best friend ( annabeth gish ) . time passes  and the friend disappears with matty . during their last phone conversation libby hears matty yell " daddy ! " and realizes that her husband is still alive . libby serves six years  growing harder and driven by the desire to kill nick ( based on the theory that because of the " double jeopardy " amendment she can off him with impunity ) . when she gets parole  she ', s sent to a halfway house run by travis lehman ( tommy lee jones )  a former law professor who ruined his life with a drunk driving accident . after a little breaking and entering and some destruction of property  libby jumps parole and lams it across the country looking for nick and matty . travis pursues  naturally . " double jeopardy " is a watered - down version of " the fugitive  " with jones sleep - walking through his well - worn pursuer persona . although libby never leaps from a bus that collides with a train  she manages to get into a few nail - biters -- chased down the beach by a jeep  chained to a car that plunges into the ocean  sealed in a coffin -- that add some much needed thrills to an anemic  slow - moving script . character development is thin . travis ', intriguing backstory is mentioned a couple times but has no effect on the story . ( i think they only made him a former law professor so that he could verify the double - jeopardy theory when libby gets the drop on nick . it ', s a long way to go for one line ) . there ', s considerable sexual tension between travis and libby ( hey  there ', s something " the fugitive " didn ', t have ! )  but it never goes anywhere . libby is a tv - movie everywoman  but judd ', s intense performance draws us in and makes us forget that her character has no distinguishing characteristics . this is judd ', s most prominent role to date  and she proves that she can light up the screen . let ', s hope hollywood gives her more to work with next time around . the quality of director bruce beresford ', s movies seems to depend on luck . when he has a good script and a strong cast  he turns out oscar - caliber work like " ', breaker ', morant  " " driving miss daisy  " and " tender mercies . " when he doesn ', t . . . we get " double jeopardy . " screenwriters david weisberg and douglas cook previously collaborated on " the rock  " a script which probably benefited from the numerous uncredited rewrites . bottom line : ashley judd tries hard but can ', t save this predictable bore .
neg as far as " mystery men " is concerned  the burning question is less " is it really as bad as it looks from the trailer ? " ( the answer there is an unequivocal " yes " ) and more " how in the name of sweet jesus did first - time director kinka usher get such a first - rate cast to act in this muck ? " " mystery men " features greg kinnear as the heavily - sponsored captain amazing and geoffrey rush as his arch nemesis ( singular ) casanova frankenstein . a veritable police lineup of hot hollywood talent plays the superhero wannabes of the title  who join forces to get c . amazing out of a tight spot when c . frankenstein puts the screws on champion city . there ', s william h . macy as the mild - mannered shoveler  hank azaria as the cutlery - flinging blue raja ( no knives  but a phony english accent that ', s just as sharp )  ben stiller as mr . furious ( whose only power seems to be his ability to get hot under the collar )  janeane garofalo as a crazed bowler with her father ', s skull interestingly preserved  wes studi as a rhetoric - spouting cowled avenger  and kel mitchell as the token ( and  adding insult to injury  invisible ! ) black guy . bringing up the rear  so to speak  is paul reubens ( yes  that ', s pee wee herman paul reubens ) as . . . well  let ', s just call him the gas man . the production design is overblown  the special effects are overdone  and the script ( based on bob burden ', s " dark horse " comic book series ) is overbaked . the appealing actors are uniformly good and stiller is even stellar  but they can ', t begin to save " mystery men " -- it ', s just one big mess . you ', re better off renting the video and pressing fast - forward to get to the funny bits . i believe i counted three .
neg the swirling sick feeling hit me just a few minutes into " heartbreakers . " ray liotta ', s character was making out with his secretary when his new wife knocked on the door of his office . while scrambling to collect himself  he frantically shouted to her  " just wait a sex ? er  i mean sec ! " i was struck by a wave of revulsion  thinking  " geez  didn ', t lines like that die when ', three ', s company ', was canceled ? " over the next few minutes  as the barely double entendres and lingering cleavage shots grew more numerous  i realized that the mindset behind " heartbreakers " predated " three ', s company . " suddenly  i had an out - of - body experience as my internal way - back machine swept me to the mid - 1960s . all across america  the counter - culture was growing like wildfire  but there was scant evidence of it on tv . while young people were challenging traditional values on the streets  frustrated teenagers like me were stuck at home  sulking while our parents enjoyed the latest bob hope special . women in skimpy bathing suits would prance onscreen while hope made growling noises and leered at their breasts . on another channel  dean martin made wisecracks about " booze and broads " and peter lawford  decked out in love beads and a nehru jacket  purred suggestive one - liners as he ogled the go - go dancers . the adults laughed and laughed . " heartbreakers " reeks of that stagnant mentality  from its lingering shots of jennifer love hewitt ', s vah - vah - voom breasts to its leaden screenplay  which paints women as haughty schemers and men as drooling buffoons too sex - obsessed to realize they are being manipulated . in addition to liotta and hewitt  the cast includes sigourney weaver  gene hackman  jason lee  nora dunn and anne bancroft . i can ', t imagine what drew performers of their caliber to this project . perhaps they thought it was a parody of the sniggering sex comedies of the ', 60s . if so  they were sadly mistaken . the story revolves around a mother - daughter con - team . it opens with the marriage of max ( weaver ) to dean ( liotta )  a new jersey chop shop operator . having withheld sex until the honeymoon  max pretends to pass out on their wedding night . the next morning  she feigns illness  sending a very horny dean off to the office  where he ends up in the arms of his new secretary . just as the two are about to get overtly physical  max bursts into the room and catches them . the " horrified " bride dissolves the union  garnering a healthy cash settlement along the way . of course  the secretary was really her daughter page ( hewitt ) and the whole thing was a set - up . the women move on  but an irs agent ( bancroft ) catches up with them and demands a huge amount of money to cover unpaid taxes . in desperate need of funds  max and page head for palm beach to replay the scam . their mark this time is william b . tensy ( hackman  in hideous make - up )  a decrepit tobacco tycoon obsessed with the joys of smoking . max starts to put the game into action  but page is so repelled by the old man ( and angry with her mom ) that she slips off to enact her own score  targeting jack  a laid back young beach bar owner who is worth a fortune . complications arise when page realizes that good - natured jack is stirring actual emotions in her steely little heart . as if that wasn ', t enough  dean reappears on the scene with revenge on his mind . the attempt to weld a romance onto a caper comedy served only to remind me of the infinitely superior " a fish called wanda . " i won ', t bother to compare the two . suffice to say that everything done right in " wanda " is done wrong here . " heartbreakers " is soulless  inept and  at 123 minutes  at least a half - hour too long . sigourney weaver and jennifer love hewitt throw themselves into their parts  but have nowhere to go with the metallic characters . gene hackman is utterly wasted in a one - note  one - joke part that has him doing nothing but smoking  coughing and waxing rhapsodic about smoking and sex . poor jason lee is stuck in the ingenue role and the normally charismatic actor comes off as merely bland . ray liotta manages to squeeze a tiny bit of humanity and humor into his walking clich ?  but only a bit . the low point in the film has weaver employing a russian accent bad enough to make boris and natasha wince  while doing half - assed slapstick with a broken off penis from a statue . bear in mind  though  that this is merely the worst segment of a movie made up of nothing but low points . if you remember bob hope specials with fondness  this might be your cup of tea . as for me  i ', m going to watch " a fish called wanda " now and try to forget i ever saw " heartbreakers . "
neg " american pie " alums jason biggs and mena suvari star in this summer ', s attempt to capitalize on the youth market looking for a comedy about young people they can relate to that combines generic hollywood cute couple - ness and zany comedy . it ', s about an a + student ( biggs as " paul " ) who gets a scholarship to some college in new york city who sticks out like a sore thumb and falls for dora ( suvari ) a ditzy heroin - chic goth chick who has no ambition or self - respect whatsoever and allows herself to be pushed around just like " hick - boy " paul is . so we ', ve got a fish - out - water formula mixed with meet - cute romantic comedy which ideally should make for a good movie . unfortunately the atrocious screenplay and boring direction by " clueless " auteur amy heckerling successfully manages to screw up everything about the film . these characters are totally unrealistic and unbelievable - it ', s as if everyone under age 30 is a stoned raver . there ', s no background or details to anyone or anything  it ', s just a bunch of cartoon characters running into each other . not to mention the story itself which is virtually non - existant and contains so many plotholes it ', s like swiss cheese . even the basic editing is bad . if you ', re looking for a romantic comedy stay far away from this one because it is neither romantic nor funny . i saw this in a packed cinema on opening night and the audience barely laughed at all . if you ', ve seen the commericials you ', ve seen all the " funny " parts ( which are all from the first five minutes ) .
neg last summer  a feature - length version of the avengers hit theaters to the tune of a unanimous critical panning . based on the famous 60 ', s television show  the film was an enormous box - office flop and a huge disappointment for warner bros . a year later  the studio is up to their old tricks again  with the unnecessary revival of the robert conrad program the wild  wild west . but it sounded promising : the same tag - team of star will smith and director barry sonnenfeld  who both contributed to make men in black such a financial success  is at the reins again . and co - star kevin kline is attached to the project  as well as a substantial budget to spice up the special effects . i mean  what could possibly go wrong ? the answer is just about everything . wild wild west is a cinematic abomination - a film that was so entirely pointless to begin with that it is never given a proper chance to get out of the gate . there are a lot of fancy special effects  and a handful of distinguished actors who try desperately to tunnel through the inane plot and make a lasting impression . but the script is so deliriously uneven  the entire movie so off course  that no human being or technical achievement has a chance to salvage it . at square one  we have a bizarre case of casting . will smith plays james west  a renegade cowboy who was originally played by white actor robert conrad in the tv series . my guess regarding the casting of african - american smith is a simple one : the actor + a cozy summertime release = big bucks for all those involved . smith is a very talented performer who usually brings swift assurance to any comic relief material  but this is not an ideal role for him . he ', s too much of a joker . i heard that initial casting included george clooney in the lead role  and frankly  that sounds a lot more plausible . what makes matters worse is that smith goes through the role with such self - assurance in his eyes ; you can practically sense his contentment with the fact that he knows wild wild west will be a huge hit at the summer box office . the plot involves west and cross - dressing government agent artemus gordon ( kevin kline )  who are assigned by the president to recover a group of kidnapped scientists . the trail leads to the diabolical dr . arliss loveless ( kenneth branagh )  a man with no lower body who speaks in a dry  witty southern accent . loveless has taken the country ', s top technical minds hostage so that they can assist in his deranged plan of total government control  using lethal superweapons to destroy entire towns . one such weapon is an 80 - foot mechanical tarantula  bearing eight spindly legs of thrashing metal and spewing enormous fireballs left and right . the visual effects that bring this metallic bug to life are spectacular  seamlessly blending computer - generated imagery with the western surroundings . unfortunately  all of these effects seem so detached from the story  and can do little to support the film ', s plot deficiencies  which are undoubtedly the main problem . wild wild west is a running gag that never truly works . most of the jokes  usually care of smith  die on arrival . if it ', s one thing that could possibly be the saving grace  it ', s the performances  and even they are mostly off - kilter and poorly delivered . kline is admirable  but he has little to do but invent silly devices on the spot . salma hayek is wasted as the romantic interest  because she is viewed as little more than that - window dressing to look pretty and create conflict between west and gordon . branagh  an esteemed shakespearean actor and director  adds marginal enjoyment to the film . but even he is so utterly weird and over - the - top . rarely is a film so lost in itself as wild wild west is . i suppose there ', s always one turkey of the summer season ; a highly anticipated  big - budget release that manages to completely disappoint . wild wild west is such a movie  and will probably go down as one of the biggest disappointments of 1999 . but it is highly unlikely that this will go down in defeat at the box office . perhaps after this  audiences will be less assured when they see will smith ', s name stamped on a summer movie . after such hits as independence day and mib  wild wild west is not an impressive addition to the resume .
neg at the outset of swordfish  john travolta ', s gabriel shear is pontificating about the status of american cinema today . basically  he says  it boils down to a lack of imagination among the majority of writers . how ironic  as travolta seems to be describing his latest venture . swordfish is loud  violent and amoral . it has the audacity to justify murder and mayhem in the name of sustaining our way of life . and how does travolta ', s gabriel plan to do this ? by robbing billions from his own government and using the funds to out - terrorize terrorists . swordfish is a very cynical movie . it relies on an audience ', s perception of our leaders as ineffectual and duplicitous and on terrorists as non - human  faceless entities not worthy of compassion or consideration . the movie ', s plot is preposterous with enough illogical leaps that if the film ever slowed down  you ', d actually see how ridiculous it all is . this is a live - action road runner cartoon  moving so quickly that it ', s over before you can catch your breath to ask any reasonable questions . the storyline revolves around super hacker stanley jobson ( hugh jackman )  recruited by gabriel to crack the government ', s computer codes so gabriel can gather billions for his anti - terrorist campaign . talk about whacked - out patriotism . my objections to swordfish are many . the body count is high  but that is expected in a movie of this sort . it ', s becoming a bore watching anonymous soldiers  police officers and government agents blown to bits . another example is the family dynamics between stanley  his 10 - year - old daughter and his ex - wife . stanley  though having served time in prison for hacking  is shown as a loving and caring father  forbidden by his ex to see his little girl . audience animosity is immediately created for his former spouse by showing her as a drinker and smoker who also sometimes stars in her new husband ', s adult films . thus when she is found murdered late in the movie  neither stanley nor his daughter are allowed any time to grieve . in fact  subconsciously  many in the audience are probably glad she was killed . then there is the sequence involving one of gabriel ', s henchman holding a gun to the head of stanley ', s daughter to coerce the hacker to download the key computer program for gabriel . children as pawns have become a most unwelcome clich ? in recent films . there is enough violence in the real world involving children without having to make them on - screen victims as well . yea  it ', s only make believe  but that doesn ', t mean you have to tolerate it . travolta is cool  deadly charming and flamboyant as the near - crazy gabriel . his character is reminiscent of his villainous characterizations in broken arrow and face / off . jackman looks dour through most of the proceedings . his only moment of any depth comes when he finally is able to create the worm to get inside the government database . his sense of joy and accomplishment is one any computer whiz can appreciate . halle berry is decorative and lovely as gabriel ', s assistant  while don cheadle is given little to do as the head fbi agent hunting gabriel . swordfish plays like a comic book with a larger - than - life character in gabriel . viewers align themselves with him despite their uncertainty if he is hero or villain . and maybe that is the movie ', s underlying flaw : there is no real hero to speak of  only those doing their upmost to survive . and that is not enough . this is one swordfish that should have been thrown back in the water .
neg it ', s probably inevitable that the popular virtual reality genre ( " the matrix  " " existenz " ) would collide with the even more popular serial - killer genre ( " kiss the girls  " " se7en " ) . the result should have been more interesting than " the cell . " as the movie opens  therapist catharine deane ( jennifer lopez ) treats a catatonic boy ( colton james ) by entering his mind through some sort of virtual reality technique that ', s never fully explained . after months of therapy sessions in a surreal desert  catharine has no success to report . meanwhile  killer carl stargher ( vincent d ', onofrio ) has claimed another victim . his particular hobby is to kidnap young women  keep them in a glass cell overnight  and drown them . he takes the corpse and soaks it in bleach  then suspends himself over the body and jerks off while watching a video tape of the drowning . although carl ', s been doing this for awhile  he ', s recently become sloppy  and fbi agent peter novak ( vince vaughn ) is closing in fast . not fast enough  though  to keep carl from sticking another woman ( tara subkoff ) in the cell or to catch him before he suffers a schizophrenic attack that leaves him in a coma . from the videos in carl ', s house  peter can see that the drowning cell is automated and will fill with water forty hours after the abduction . to save the kidnapped girl  peter has to find the cell before the end of the day  and comatose carl ', s not talking . so off they go to catharine in the hope that she can go inside carl ', s mind and find out where the cell is in time . the focus of " the cell " in on the ornate interior of carl ', s mind  but the universe director tarsem singh creates seems more an exercise in computer - generated spectacle than an exploration of the psychotic personality . for the most part  it ', s style without substance . in his own mind  carl is a decadent emperor in flowing robes  ming the merciless  as well as a frightened boy ( jake thomas ) abused by his father . all in all  the mind of a psycho killer turns out to be a strangely dull place  and i kept wishing i could fast - forward to the next development . singh is best known for directing music videos  particularly rem ', s " losing my religion  " and " the cell " seems very much like a really long  really slow mtv video with the sound deleted . singer lopez seems to think she ', s in a video as well ; she devotes more time to posing in elaborate costumes than she does to acting . the premise had great promise . the computer - generated world within carl ', s mind could have been a bizarre  surreal universe governed by insanity and symbolism rather than logic . the first room catharine enters in carl ', s head shows this promise . she finds a horse standing in center of the room ; suddenly  sheets of sharp - edged glass fall into the horse  dividing it into segments . the panes of glass separate  pulling apart the pieces of the still - living horse . this scene is twisted  disturbing  and thought - provoking  because the psychological importance of the horse and its fate is left to the viewer to ponder . another element that should have been developed is the effect on catharine of merging with the mind of a psychopath . their minds begin to bleed together at one point in the movie  and this should have provided an opportunity to discover the dark corners of catharine ', s own psyche . like sidney lumet ', s " the offence " or michael mann ', s " manhunter  " " the cell " could have explored how the madness of the killer brings out a repressed darkness in the investigator . however  catharine ', s character is hardly developed at all  and lopez has no depth to offer the role . bottom line : don ', t get trapped in this one .
neg synopsis : an aging master art thief  his supplier  and a young  buxom security consultant are all not who they first appear to be ( or are they ? ) in this convoluted mess involving a risky heist during the millennium . comments : this movie was boring . plain and simple . entrapment should not have been boring . it stars sean connery  who can still carry an action film despite his age  catherine zeta - jones  a likeable enough film presence  and ving rhames  ultra - cool star of pulp fiction and mission : impossible . it takes full advantage of the y2k computer bug fears ( a current " hot topic " in the news ) in its storyline  which is set at the end of 1999 . it has some genuinely well - staged action sequences . so  what went wrong ? plenty  unfortunately . the major problem with entrapment is its script . it has a been - there  done - that feel to it . nothing seems particularly inventive or original  so the whole movie lacks suspense and drags ( it runs nearly two hours ) . the screenwriters  for example  periodically use a countdown to the millennium as a means of transition between scenes ( i . e . " 4 days to the millennium " ) . this device was used much more effectively in the overlooked sci - fi film strange days . the characters are not who they appear to be at the beginning  which is neat at first but the device wears thin once the umpteenth " surprise " revelation is made . entrapment  in other words  relies too heavily on the audience not knowing what each character ', s true motive is  resulting in a convoluted story which leaves many scratching their heads in confusion . the star power here is quite strong  but the viewer can ', t help but feel the actors are wasted in this production . sean connery is given such mind - numbing lines as " never trust a naked woman . " ving rhames ', character seems like an afterthought ; he ', s not developed at all . the camera zooms in frequently and leeringly at catherine zeta - jones ', s tight wardrobe . this  in and of itself  is not bad  but  after a while  it has a juvenile feel to it . at least the species movies hold no bones about the fact that they ', re exploiting the female body . entrapment does the same under the thin disguise of plot development ( sean connery supposedly falls in love with the girl while watching her  in tights  arc and pivot around laser beams ) . the tagline for this movie reads " the trap is set . " it sure is  on those who spent money to see this movie . entrapment really isn ', t that bad ; it is watchable . i would suggest  however  one waits until this is on cable or television to see it .
neg the first image in " final fantasy : the spirits within " is a computer - animated close - up of a human eye . it ', s a beautiful piece of work  remarkably detailed and quite convincing . when the picture pulls back to reveal the owner of the eye  however  things change . the young woman has mesmerizing hair  although it hangs too artfully ? even by movie standards ? to be believed . the facial features are more detailed than any computer - animation seen to date  but the result is more reminiscent of a very well - crafted doll than anything human . she is pretty  but bland  and not nearly expressive enough to come off like a person . all the characters in " final fantasy " are like that . of the core group  the younger white men and women are all athletic  attractive and indistinct  like applicants for a tv reality show . the black man is taller and burlier  and the aging scholar is bald  with wrinkles and a beard . none of them appear to be based on individuals ; they all look like the products of general descriptions given a police sketch artist . it gets worse when they talk and move . why is the sarcastic voice of steve buscemi  he of the great twisted face and snaggleteeth  coming out of the mouth of some dreary ken doll ? why  for every fluid physical gesture  do we also see herky - jerky puppet - style motions ? more to the point  who decided a full - length computer animated movie featuring " hyperreal " ( their term  not mine ) humanoids was a good idea ? " final fantasy " is based on a phenomenally popular video game i ', ve never played  with a story straight out of japanese anime  which more often than not leaves me bored and depressed . if you ', re a fan of either  please spare me your letters  as i will focus solely on the finished film and not its source materials . with an expression - challenged cast  " final fantasy " mixes turgid action scenes with heaps of mystical shit . the result is ugly  confusing and boring . note : the following reveals the basic plot . if you want to have a fighting chance of making any sense of the movie  i suggest you read it . earth is at war with aliens that appear to feed on human souls . most of our planet is devastated  with humans living in a few protected cities . while the bulk of the survivors focus on military strategies  aki ross ( voiced by ming - na ) and her mentor  dr . sid ( donald sutherland )  believe in a more organic approach . they operate on the notion ( quoting straight from the press kit ) " that all life forms have signature spirit waves that can be identified and contained . aki and dr . sid collect a series of organic specimens whose spirit signatures combined will form a wave of equal and opposite intensity to the spirit wave of the alien force . the waves will  in effect  cancel each other out and disarm the foreign contagion . they have collected six of the eight key spirits needed to complete their wave . they are on a desperate hunt to find the remaining two spirits before their time runs out . " are you still with me ? there ', s only a little more . aki is infected with the alien force . dr . sid has developed a method of confining the contagion and keeping it from killing her  but the defense wall won ', t hold much longer . already  the alien is communicating with aki through her dreams . aiding aki and dr . sid are the deep eyes  a group of hard - as - nails types that would have felt at home with the troops in " aliens . " capt . gray edwards ( alec baldwin ) heads the task force that consists of a wise guy ( buscemi )  a tough woman ( peri gilpin ) and a gentle giant ( ving rhames ) . throwing a monkey wrench into the plans is the requisite dumb ass : in this case general hein ( james woods )  who wants to use the zeus cannon to bomb the aliens back to the stone age  even if it destroys earth as well . so there you have it . like most of the anime i ', ve seen  the plot combines apocalyptic settings  lots of shooting and fuzzy spirituality  all wrapped up in a save - the - earth bow . but i ', m bored with apocalyptic settings . i understand why so many live - action films employ them ? they ', re cheap ? but animated films can show anything  so why wallow in an industrial trash heap ? the action scenes and shoot - em - ups don ', t satisfy either . the humans move oddly and their facial features are so muted that the talented voice cast can ', t bring them to life ( in fact  their efforts merely emphasize what we ', re missing ) . aki is especially disappointing ; with her lack of expression and flat delivery  she looks and sound like a brunet version of weena  the eloi girl from 1960 ', s " the time machine . " drab color choices and aliens that appear to have been created in jell - o molds sap the pizzazz from the big set pieces . students of computer animation may be fascinated with the technology behind " final fantasy : the spirits within  " but i found it sub - par across the board . " futurama " does more effective battle visuals  the kids in " south park " are far more expressive than these mannequins and any old episode of the contemporary version of " the outer limits " does better doom and gloom sci - fi . so who needs this ? not me .
neg plot : token director alan smithee steals the only copy of his film " trio " from the studio  after they complete the " final cut " without him . he threatens to burn the film reel if they do not allow him to keep his vision . critique : wow . i really can ', t remember the last time a movie sucked on so many levels ! the " comedy " in this film is pathetic  obvious and dated ( oj simpson jokes galore ) . the plot is uninteresting  boring and bad . the structure of the film is annoying  repetitive and pretentious . the acting is pretty bad  especially jackie chan  who can ', t act to save his life . the cameos are lame and seem forced  and the ending blows chunks . all in all  this movie believes itself to be a clever  humorous and edgy look behind the closed doors of hollywood  but comes across as a boring  stupid and completely unentertaining piece of shite . i love to see movies about hollywood shenanigans  but this one bites the big one . see it if you like to watch really bad movies  otherwise skip it  because it will just have you hating every star that makes an appearance in it . luckily for us all  this mess only lasts about 80 minutes  and miramax honcho harvey weinstein plays a lead - faced detective . by the way  is there any reason why the studio or the producer couldn ', t have cut another version of the film by the way of all the filmed stock that was left over ? who knows  who cares  this " satire " sucks the bag . little known facts about this film and its stars : ironically  the original director of this film  arthur hiller  also requested his name be taken off the credits and replaced by the dga ', s alan smithee moniker . this was after the film ', s production company  cinergi pictures  preferred the cut made by producer / writer joe eszterhas to his . the original script of this film included arnold schwarzenegger and bruce willis . eszterhas announced through the media during post - production that cinergi pictures didn ', t have the money to pay for soundtrack . he said that he would finance the soundtrack from his own money and asked to submit tracks for it to him . he received 9  200 cds and cassettes from mostly unknown and unsigned artists  listened to all that was sent ( at least a couple of tracks from each record ) and compiled the soundtrack . this film practically swept the " razzie awards " in 1999  given out to the worst of all movie categories of the year  with no less than the " worst picture " award  the " worst screenplay " ( joe eszterhas )  the " worst supporting actor " ( joe eszterhas )  the " worst new star " ( joe eszterhas tied with jerry springer ) and the " worst original song " ( " i wanna be mike ovitz ! " as written by joe eszterhas ) .
neg plot : a rich guy who doesn ', t believe in love  orders a mail - order bride for himself . that very evening  the couple is married and fall madly in love soon thereafter . but what ', s this ? one of them might not be the person they are pretending to be ? wow . . . a sin  indeed . critique : easily one of the worst movies that i ', ve seen all year . too long  too boring  too predictable and too ridiculous for anyone interested in watching a good movie . what the hell were they thinking when they made this thing ? ( it ', s no wonder that the film has been sitting on the racks for about a year ) this felt like a really bad tv movie of the week  with some nudity stuffed in from time to time  just to wake up the audience . have you ever switched channels and fallen upon one of those ridiculously melodramatic tv movies  one that you just couldn ', t help but switch back to from time to time  just to make sure that it wasn ', t part of some sick joke ? well  this movie is exactly like that  only it isn ', t a joke  it isn ', t on tv and you are asked to pay money to see it ! ! i say again . . . what the shite were they thinking ? okay  so where do i start ? first of all  the trailer of this film gives away the movie ', s main plot twist  the betrayal . so for the first half hour of the film  you ', re basically just sitting there  watching these two " lovers " go through the motions until the " betrayal " occurs . whoopee  big surprise . second of all  angelina jolie is horribly miscast in this part . why ? well  it ', s like this : not for one second do you ever believe that she is not a nasty backstabbing woman ! i mean  it ', s like all of those people who complained about jack nicholson being psycho from the start of the shining  well  the same goes here . every look in jolie ', s eyes screams " psycho " ! then of course  you have the case of the " patsy " husband  a man who just can ', t seem to figure out anything in time . i mean . . . how boring is that for the audience ? you ', re watching this guy screw up time after time after time  and somehow  we ', re supposed to feel sorry or care about this dude . no  thanks ! and if we don ', t care about him  and we really don ', t care about her ( she ', s a beeyatch and as confused as we are about her actual motivations in the film )  who the hell are we supposed to care about in this film ? well  i ', ll tell you . the only thing that i was worrying about the whole way through this picture was whether or not i ', d actually fall asleep before the end credits rolled . no suspense  no chemistry between the leads  no real love or passion  no sense of surprise  plenty of plot holes for everyone and an extra moronic ending . so why am i even giving this film a rating of three points ? well  it ', s actually pretty simple . i liked the locations in the movie and the groovy score  but my primary reason for slipping three notches onto this bedpost is for the gratuitous shots of jolie ', s boobies ( that ', s two points right there ! ) and another one for antonio ', s ass ( hairless  just for the record ) . everything else in this movie was pointless  boring and just plain stupid . try imagining a soft - porn movie . . . but without the plot ! that ', s pretty much what you ', ve got here . a low point in the careers of both stars . oops  i almost forgot to mention the crappy dialogue . . . god oh mighty . . . make it stop ! ! where ', s joblo coming from ? american psycho ( 9 / 10 ) - cruel intentions ( 8 / 10 ) - eyes wide shut ( 6 / 10 ) - fatal attraction ( 8 / 10 ) - playing by heart ( 7 / 10 ) - under suspicion ( 7 / 10 ) - what lies beneath ( 8 / 10 ) - what women want ( 4 / 10 ) - whipped ( 7 / 10 )
neg not a great twelve months for either of the principals from this movie . earlier this year  nora ephron wrote and produced one of the year ', s least likeable " comedies " called hanging up  featuring a bunch of annoying women ( ironically  lisa kudrow played one in that film as well ) who barely have time to care about anyone but themselves . ick . . . real sweet stuff . but her little unsuccessful project was nothing compared to what john travolta went through earlier this summer  with a film entitled battlefield earth . i seemed to be the only person on this planet who somehow appreciated the film  even if it was on a " cheese " factor  as everybody  and i mean everybody else  pretty much classified the movie as one of the worst disasters of all time . yipes . . . another beauty . so what happens when you put these two people in the same room and come out with a movie co - starring the ever - versatile lisa kudrow ? uhhhm  you guessed it . . . not much . plot : in order to escape major financial difficulties  a local weatherman hooks up with his ball - picking lotto girlfriend and rigs the state lottery . but as more and more people find out about their scheme  more and more people demand a part of their winnings  and more and more problems arise . critique : simply stated  i didn ', t laugh once during this entire picture . for a comedy  it offered me a few smiles  a bunch of nincompoops as characters  a miscast john travolta hamming it up and lisa kudrow  in what can only described as a " sluttier " version of her character of phoebe on tv ', s " friends " . this film was not as disastrous as i thought it would be  but it was pretty close . thankfully  the clips of travolta dressed up in goofy outfits  dancing as the weatherman were left in the film ', s trailer  and not in this final cut . and not unlike the worst movie of the year so far  beautiful  this film also managed to feature many unsympathetic  idiotic and just plain irritating characters in its cast . foremost was travolta ', s character  who declined to give us any reason to care for him once in the entire movie . and for me  the casting choice of john travolta for this role was just plain wrong . he didn ', t fit the part . i just saw him in get shorty the other day and thought about how perfect he was for that role . a cool  calculating roughneck with a certain hip  suave " je ne sais quoi " . in this film  he looks like he ', s trying to be funny  trying to be bad  trying to be good . we ', re not supposed to be able to notice that  and when we do  at least in my case  i consider it a wrong choice in casting . add that to lisa kudrow  boring us with yet another one of her patented " dumb blonde " routines  but this time  dressed in sexier outfits . michael rapaport  stretching one small acting muscle to play the guy who isn ', t quite up at the same speed level as everyone else . and a truckload of empty comedic bullet shells  and you ', ve got yourself an extremely quiet audience anticipating punch lines that never quite materialize . the only real good thing that i could say about this film is that its story was actually half - interesting and never really bored me . i also liked michael moore ', s perverted cousin character  and i loved  and i say it again  loved the character that bill pullman played . give this dude his own movie ! he played a lazy cop  a man who tries everything not to do any real work . he fakes injuries to get off duty  tries to avoid arrest situations so that he won ', t have to fill out any forms . . . now there ', s a base of humor . sadly  the filmmakers decided to bring him into play with only about half an hour left in the film . and there ', s not much else i can say about this movie  folks . on the whole  it was lame  included a slew of unlikable characters fiddling around in a pool of unfunny lines  and very little of interest for any target audience . but get somebody to write up a movie featuring that lazy cop played by pullman and i ', m there !
neg the stereotypical american male has an undeniable fetishistic love of sports cars . producer jerry bruckheimer plays upon that attraction with a movie so loaded with testosterone and laced titillatingly with shot after frenetic shot of powerful muscle cars  sleek foreign road huggers and iconic speed machines that many males will leave the theater in an orgasmic haze . gone is 60 seconds is an orgy of maleness gone horribly awry . cage is legendary retired car thief  memphis raines ( don ', t you love cute movie names )  who must call upon his time worn skills to save his thick - headed brother ( ribisi ) from being killed . seems a murderous crime boss ( eccleston ) with a fetish for wood ( insert your own joke ) hired brother kip to steal a ridiculous amount of expensive  exotic autos . fifty cars  to be exact . poor kip screws the pooch and bungles the job badly . if the cars aren ', t delivered in three days  bossman has a casket carved out just for kip . literally . if only someone could save him . hmmmm . . wonder what memphis is doing ? in order to give the film some emotional heft  there are several subplots designed to tug at our heartstrings or give us the thrill of . . . yawn  excuse me  dramatic tension . shadowing memphis is an old law enforcement foe ( lindo ) who ', s looking to send memphis away . will he catch him ? there ', s old flame sway ( jolie )  who had her heart broken by memphis years ago . will they get back together ? shortsighted  thrill seeker kip idolizes his brother  yet resents him for moving away from the family . will they reconnect ? raines old mentor ( duvall ) has long since left the life of crime . will memphis get him finally caught as he pulls him back into the life  one more time ? can you answer all these questions correctly in 2 seconds without seeing the film first ? i ', ll bet you can . following the opening credits  which fill you in on the accomplishments of the raines family through a montage of old photos  we was taken full throttle into the splendor that is memphis . he ', s first shown living the good life teaching young children to drive go - carts . in a later scene  as misfit brother kip knowingly tells memphis he has the stolen car situation under control  all the while making breakfast  a metaphor is made of shakespearean proportions . just as a pan of grease flares up with kip clueless to how to quell it  big brother memphis calmly and efficiently throws some salt on it . looks like everything might turn out alright after all . you know this because the music swells on the crest of violins . that ', s about as strong as the characterization gets  which is a shame . bruckheimer has a real talent for loading his movies with an obscene amount of talent given the task at hand . monumentally underused jolie portrays an empty headed sexpot whose idea of sex revolves around cars and memphis . or maybe it ', s just the cars . duvall trots out his ornery  but sweet old codger outfit . i ', m sure he ', s still laughing at taking a paycheck for this one . lindo projects a warm hearted  but tightly focused detective that almost transcends the material . the biggest waste of resources is vinnie jones  who plays a mute accomplice of memphis . without saying a word  he is easily the most charismatic person in the movie . like a blast of nitrous oxide  he attacks each scene with a straightforward zeal . too bad his minutes onscreen are so few . somehow  bruckheimer manages to attract top hollywood acting talent to high concept  poorly written movies  gussies up the film with lots of gold hues and pleasingly stylized action and they sell like proverbial hotcakes . every time something clever happens it ', s counterbalanced by something so overtly wrong that it jerks you back into realizing you ', re watching a movie . there ', s a innovative usage of black lighting that goes from being a novelty to a part of the plot . it ', s counterbalanced by an extremely feeble attempt at humor by having an asian american repeatedly failing a driver ', s test . imagine the yuks . there ', s a segment where one of the thieves shows another his cool fake fingerprint trick . it ', s countered by the lame semi - subplot of a car being stolen with a bunch of heroin in the trunk . the ramifications are never explored . then there ', s the ridiculousness of the many cops who actually shoot at fleeing cars . not only is it stupid  but it ', s against the law . this is a movie made of pretty  but tepid car chases strung together by just enough character interaction to move the plot along . gone in 60 seconds aptly describes how long it ', ll take for this marginally entertaining  but empty film to leave your memory .
neg first and foremost i think this movie comes to grief at the hands of the pg rating it ', s been given . for those of us who haven ', t read the james lee burke novel that heaven ', s prisoners is based on  do not rabidly go out and buy tickets to movies featuring the combined talents of alec baldwin and eric roberts  feel vaguely depressed by the notion of swamps  gangsters with louisiana accents  plots  sub - plots  more plots  and well  really just want to see teri hatcher naked  this is one movie you ', re going to worry the price of admission over . hopeful still ? well  let me share my moment of sheer panic  and then the cold enervation of the big let - down when a semi - robed hatcher purrs to alec baldwin  " what do you think of my butterfly ? " . butterfly ?  i asked myself  what butterfly ? ! and then it hit me . . . the scene had been snipped ! damn you  godless pg rating  show us her butterfly ! ! we want to see the goddamn butterfly ! ! ! so . . . no naked teri hatcher . forget about that . okay ? now . . . heaven ', s prisoners is about ex - alchoholic ex - cop dave robicheaux ( alec baldwin ) who ', s trying to discover life anew running a bait shop and boat hire business with his loving  down - to - earth wife annie ( kelly lynch ) . everything dull  but hunky dory until a plane carrying illegal immigrants crashes almost ontop of the couple while they ', re on their boat . the plane nosedives into the water and sinks  but from its wreckage robicheaux rescues a little pixie - faced salvadoran girl whom he and his wife immediately decide to adopt . what they don ', t realise is that the plane ', s pilot was also a drug dealer  and that the plane had been sabotaged by the latter ', s erstwhile colleagues . when robicheaux discovers this  he predictably  against the advice of his wife  a well - meaning dea agent  and two gangsters who rough him up  begins ', poking his nose where it don ', t belong ',  we know that the man deserves all the misery he ', s going to get . the question now is whether or not you want to be dragged along for the ride through a tedious  meandering yet utterly suspenseless plot with an unlovable hero as your guide . as dave robicheaux  alec baldwin is fat . . . no seriously  this is not the svelte  thinking man ', s hero of the hunt for red october  it is an out - of - shape guy who doesn ', t look too good in a roof - top chasing scene . he ', s also unconvincing in the movie ', s dramatic moments  acting with what as far as i can tell is a steven segal - like economy of expression . three - quarters of the way through the show  while you ', re probably waiting for the next scene in a bar where robicheaux contemplates succumbing to the temptation of the whiskey bottle  getting drunk and beating up someone or getting beaten up  you ', ll want to beat on him a little yourself . on the other hand  mary stuart masterson ( some kind of wonderful  fried green tomatoes  benny & joon ) cast as a down - and - out stripper who has her fingers broken is quite a breath of fresh air  with just the right mix of cynicism  warmth  insecurity and humour to be the movie ', s only endearing character . eric roberts as bubba rocque  always believable as the woman - abusing bad guy who knows how to box ( see final analysis  coincidentally also directed by phil joanou ) is believable here as the woman - abusing bad guy who knows how to box . and lest we forget teri hatcher ', s role in all this  this being her rather well - publicised paid vacation from playing lois lane on tv ', s " adventures of lois & clark " . . . she is totally ridiculous as rocque ', s manipulative and seductive cajun wife  coming across as devious as a mildly disgruntled au pair who ', s trying to get back at an employer who hasn ', t been giving her enough days off . it ', s probably safe to say that her day job beckons . and at the end of our day  none of this is really worth 2 hrs and 12 minutes of our personal misery . the flying inkpot ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg it ', s amazing how a comedian can have the some of the funniest stand - up around but completely fall flat in the movies . take adam sandler . on the basis of his first two cds ( " they ', re all gonna laugh at you ! " and " what the hell happened to me ? " )  he ', s the best thing to hit comedy since robin williams . but when you put him in front of a camera  it just isn ', t the same . i kind of enjoyed happy gilmore and thought that it warranted a marginal recommendation  but his latest film  the waterboy is about as funny as a root canal . seriously  i ', m willing to wager than there were more laughs in saving private ryan than there are here . in fact  i found this movie to be more depressing than comedic . the first half hour generated not one smile in me  with it ', s scenes of emotional abuse towards adam ', s character of bobby boucher not only by the cruel football players  but also by his very disturbed mother ( kathy bates - what is the world coming to ? ) . granted  after the film gets rolling  there are a few mild chuckles throughout ( i ', m even willing to admit that it actually had me laughing once or twice )  but not nearly enough to sustain the waterboy for it ', s nearly hour and a half running time . you ', re all familiar with the plot because you ', ve seen it at least a million times before ; everyone picks on the hero until he shows a hidden talent and leads the underdog team to victory over the champions  in the process not only winning the respect of his teammates but also getting the woman he loves . and believe me  i ', m not giving anything away by saying that sandler ', s team wins . if you would actually feel any degree of suspense watching this movie  then god be with you . the only things that keep this bomb from getting the big banana are the winning performances from henry winkler as the insecure coach and the severely underrated fairuza balk as bobby ', s love interest . i mean  they should be lending their talents to some loftier purpose  but they do extremely well with what they are given here . kudos to both of them . my advice to adam is to try and follow in the footsteps of veteran comedians like williams and steve martin  who made a very smooth and successful transition from stage to screen . rely more on actual comedy rather than strange voices and rude noises to make people laugh . or maybe even show what dramatic talent he might have  like jim carrey did with the recent truman show . with the obvious and considerable talent that he possesses  he just can ', t keep going on like this .
neg according to popular film opinion  a film ', s greatness is determined by time . take for example " casablanca . " great film  even today . it ', s still as powerful as it was when it came out and still as romantic and tragic . another example would be " star wars  " which had a very  very healthy box office gross despite the fact that we had all seen it about 3 billion times before . but as i rewatched " independence day " when it came out on video after being the number one hit of 1996  i kinda felt like it wasn ', t as cool as when i had first seen it . i had liked it when i saw it the first time ( * * * was my original view ) and basically saw it as a good " escape film . " but when i rewatched it  i felt cheated . thus  the curse of the " event film . " " independence day " is like that kid who come out of nowhere and makes everybody happy at once ( except for a couple kids - the critics  in this situation ) . but after a while  this kid becomes annoying and you just wait for the next one . well  this kid is the " event film " in my little analogy . and when i rewatched " independence day  " not only did it not look cooler at all on the big screen  but i felt insulted the whole time . there are too many gaping craters in the plot and you just aren ', t sure if it ', s comedy or hokey drama . one scene  you ', ll see a hilariously nebbish scene between jeff goldblum and judd hirsch ; the next you ', ll see a bunch of military uptight guys walking around  saying corny lines . the worst is a scene between brent spiner and bill pullman where spiner is sayinig something innocently funny but is barked like a junkyard dog by bill pullman who gives him the most unitentionally funniest speech since the end of " glen or glenda ? " now this annoying kid ', s problem is that in the process of trying to make everyone like him all at once  he shows he has no balls . and " independence day " has no balls . it plays it safe everywhere . it throws in a ton of action that is borrowed from other superior films . the chase scene between the alien ship and will smith is straight out of " star wars . " i mean  isn ', t that devil ', s den ? and the aliens are about as anticlimactic as demi moore ', s breasts in " striptease . " they ', re these octopus men  boring freaking octopus men . i mean  come on . the aliens in " 2001 " were more interesting and you didn ', t even see them ! basically the plot is straight from a b - movie from the 50s : aliens come to earth and we wonder if they ', re hostile or peaceful . okay  it ', s an interesting topic  but it ', s not handled greatly . now they aren ', t and somehow a computer geek  jeff goldblum  figure out they ', re using our satellites as a countdown to destruction . yep . these aliens are not only heavily armed  they ', re stupid too . they also use the same kind of computer as we do  but that comes about later . the president ( bill pullman )  who ', s under attack for being a wimp  decides this would be a nice time to be belligerent  and he decides he ', ll stay in the white house which the aliens have covered . i don ', t care if it ', s bob freaking dole in the white house  get him out of there . i don ', t care if you have to inject him with sodium pentathol  just get him out of there . later on  he ', s stupid and wants to fly in the attack on a big alien ship . i think it ', s time for impeachment for this guy . he ', s more senile than reagan on pot . then there ', s a cocky pilot ( will smith ) who is the only person to survive the counter - attack on the second day and becomes moses in leading his children to the elusive area 51 ( the film ', s only sign of being brave ) . his girlfriend ', s a stripper sharing a subplot with " striptease " in that she has to do it for her son . come on  she has a fighter pilot boyfriend / soon - to - be fiance . i think she can quit that job and get a more respectable job at long john silvers . she ', s also the few  the proud  the lucky to survive the igniting of l . a . ( as well as her dog  who narrowly survives ) . there are some bright spots . they tossed in enough old film homages to keep me laughing . the best one is when jeff goldblum ( nicely named david ) turns on his computer and a picture of hal comes up and says  " good morning  dave . " and they even played r . e . m . ', s " it ', s the end of the world as we know it ( and i feel fine ) at the beginning . and judd hirsch steals the film by actually acting great ( he ', s a stereotype  but i just loved the man anyway ) . but there are no real subtle comic moments . will gets way too many one - liners and he has no one to play off of ( execept jeff towards the end  and the two do great ) . as i said  this film has no balls . it is just aiming for a crowd pleaser and that ', s what it is . but after a couple months  we all move on to the next " event " film while intaking little films and a couple indy ones for good measure . but at least the indy ones last for a lifetime . this one ', s short on batteries .
neg by trying to satisfy every kind of viewer  it ', s possible that sphere may end up pleasing no one . action lovers will be bored by what they will see as an interminably boring setup . audience members who crave more intellectual fare will be disgusted by the film ', s sudden collapse into mindless storytelling and by the ending  which is an insulting cop - out . somewhere out there  maybe there ', s a small cadre of film - goers who will appreciate sphere ', s dubious charms  but i ', m not among them . i sincerely hope the novel is better than the movie ( i no longer read anything by either michael crichton or john grisham )  because if the finished motion picture product is anything to go by  it ', s hard to understand why the rights were optioned . sphere is the kind of first - class mess that only a top - line director with an a - list cast can create . with expectations high ( and how could they not be  considering that another barry levinson / dustin hoffman collaboration  the excellent wag the dog  is still playing in theaters ? )  something this bad can ', t help but look even worse . the last time a big - name  big - budget film displayed this level of ineptitude was last year ', s batman & robin  and everyone knows how that movie was received . sphere starts out a little like an amalgamation of contact and james cameron ', s the abyss  but  somewhere along the way  it collapses into the cellar with another recent science fiction effort  event horizon . science and philosophy  which are used to good effect during sphere ', s first hour  give way to mindless  confusing action sequences . attempts at characterization fall apart . intelligent writing  which is evident early on  is replaced by hackneyed drivel . special effects take over as the plotline devolves into incoherent silliness . but all that is just in preparation for the ending  which is inexcusably awful . this is the time - honored deus ex machina device used to its worst effect . i left the theater feeling cheated by the way crichton and his screenwriters had chosen to end the film . there is some promise  but it ', s all in the setup . we ', re introduced to norman goodman ( dustin hoffman )  a psychologist who once wrote a $ 35  000 report for the government about what to do in the event that a crashed space ship is discovered . when one is found in the middle of nowhere  1000 feet below the surface of the pacific ocean  norman is called in to be part of the welcoming committee . on the team with him are beth halperin ( sharon stone )  a biochemist who was once his student and lover ; harry adams ( samuel l . jackson )  a mathematician who earned his first doctorate at the age of 18 ; ted fielding ( liev schreiber )  an astrophysicist who is awed by the opportunity to explore alien technology ; and harold barnes ( peter coyote )  the government operative in charge of the mission . together  the five descend into the bowels of the ocean  where they rendezvous with a temporary sea base on the ocean floor from which they will attempt to make first contact . for a while  sphere had me fooled into thinking it was going to take an astute approach to the man - meets - alien situation . the overall scenario is not without promise and several plot twists ( such as the revelation that the enormous craft is actually an american space ship  apparently from the future ) offer intriguing possibilities . then  right around the one - hour mark ( that ', s the time to sneak into the theater next door and check out whatever ', s left of titanic )  the virtually non - stop action begins  and  once it starts  the script becomes superfluous . this might be acceptable if director levinson generated some legitimate tension  but  instead  he relies on loud  overbearing music  strange camera angles  and quick cuts to make things " exciting . " additionally  because none of the characters are well - formed ( a common failing in anything penned by crichton  who ', s more interested in technology than people )  viewers don ', t develop much of a rooting interest . it makes sitting through sphere a frustrating and pointless experience . what about that a - list cast ? not surprisingly  the most energetic performance is given by samuel l . jackson  but his harry isn ', t a person ; he ', s a walking plot device spouting occasionally - witty dialogue . dustin hoffman isn ', t lively or particularly good -- it ', s ironic that this  which may be his worst work in a decade  has arrived in theaters on the heels of his best actor nomination ( for wag the dog ) . sharon stone and peter coyote are both flat . their characters exhibit little evidence of emotion ; automatons would have been as effective . then there ', s queen latifa  who  despite getting fifth billing in the credits ( ahead of liev schreiber  who boasts at least quadruple her screen time )  has less than a handful of lines and almost nothing to do other than inflate the body count . i like to think that levinson and hoffman  recognizing how uninspired this movie was likely to be  chose to make wag the dog as a sort of penance ( the low - budget picture was filmed during sphere ', s lengthy pre - production phase ) . if that ', s the case  forgiveness is granted . i ', m less inclined to look favorably upon crichton  although he has a few enjoyable titles on his resume ( jurassic park and the levinson - directed disclosure come to mind ) . even if his novel was butchered in the adaptation process  crichton ', s credit as a producer disallows him absolution . he was a willing participant in a creative travesty . no wonder sphere is being released in february  in the midst of the early year ', s cinematic wasteland . it deserves no better than to get sunk by the unstoppable titanic  which should plow sphere under on its way to a ninth - consecutive weekend atop the box office heap .
neg shakespeare in love is quite possibly the most enjoyable period piece ever made for the silver screen . it is both humorous and romantic in a very unique blend that can successfully entertain any audience for the nearly 2 and and a half hours that it occupies . that is  however  not to say it is a good film  a quality production or anything of the sort . shakespeare in love is an incredibly cheap illusion that truly pans out to be very little quality or original work . the finest sign of this may be the plot  in looking back  there seems to be little more than a thin  predictable plot that is only carried by the portrayal of people that we revere in our history books . philip henslowe ( geoffrey rush ) owns 1 of the 2 theatres in london . it is at the peak of the royal theatre era  and queen elizabeth ( the recently damed judi dench  by  appropriately enough  queen elizabeth ii ) is very much a fan . however  to directly quote the film  he has " cash flow problems . " through a long set of events  it becomes apparent that his entire life is dependent on his next show doing well enough to pay off his debts . so  mr . henslowe employs the young playwright  william shakespeare ( joseph fiennes ) to pen a comedic production . however  the young writer has a severe case of writer ', s block  and blames it on the fact that his love life is struggling as well . he has the title in mind  romeo and ethel  the pirate ', s daughter ( even that joke loses steam after a while ) but can ', t seem to put words to paper . then  as only hollywood could have it  through a long set of twisted events  he meets viola de lesseps ( gwyneth paltrow ) and falls madly in love  thus curing his writer ', s block . there are many other little issues that mr . henslowe encounters  but they all pan out to be much ado about nothing . the first realization that i reached in watching this film is that one of the messages given is that a show should not always be credited to it ', s author . ironically  that couldn ', t be truer here . the great scenes that will sweep audiences away are not the scenes that fit in the plot  but rather the recitals of shakespearean lines by actors playing actors . one of the most breathtaking moments in this film does not involve the character of shakespeare or queen elizabeth or even the theatre owner  but rather 2 young children named romeo and juliet who chose to end their own lives in the name of love . so it is that i am offended by the fact that marc norman and tom stoppard are credited with writing this production  and the name william shakespeare is no were to be seen beyond a character ', s name in the credits . the acting in this entertaining yet poor film is often thin to the point that it would not have survived even in queen elizabeth ', s theatres . joseph fiennes may just be the worst of fall though . he is tragically unbelievable and comically bad . gwyneth paltrow is little more than satisfactory in her lead position as well . however  the supporting cast does almost save the day . geoffrey rush is nothing short of incredible and judi dench is breathtaking . they both seem to have shown that as proven actors they could survive in this film of weak links . you will also find a very good performance by ben affleck in his first real role since good will hunting ( no  armageddon doesn ', t qualify as real acting . ) . and rupert everett was cute in his small part as well . but not even they could save this sad excuse for a film  so it remains plagued by poor performances . when all is said and done  shakespeare in love is only worth the trip if you want to be entertained . however  as the film so kindly pointed out  entertainment may be fun  but it isn ', t necessarily quality . and this certainly isn ', t quality . perhaps this may be best compared to a john grisham novel  as a dear friend of mine often does compare things to his work . simply put  it is far - fetched  poorly crafted  but very entertaining .
neg at times  you ', d think edtv would be an entertaining film . i mean  who can resist the story of your average joe becomming a celebrity by having his life filmed every minute of every day ? but this average joe  ed perkuny  ( matthew mcconaughay )  is a sappy  lifeless creation that wanders around  trying to solve everyone ', s problems and settle his own . mcconaughay is awful  especially because he is trying to pull off his usual hollywood charm with a 3 week beard and torn jeans . frankly  he had more charm in the devestating flop the newton boys . he overacts in every way : his overexaggerant body language  obsession with kissing women every second he gets the chance  and that cliched scene where he loses someone in his life  and drops to his knee and cries . the rest of the cast is very good ; especially martin landau ( as ed ', s step - father )  who plays a cute role as the close - to - death old guy that makes all the witty comments . jenna elfman is good  ( but a little overemotional ) ; her main problem is that she keeps getting sucked into bad films  i . e . can ', t hardly wait  and krippendorf ', s tribe . woody harrelson  as ed ', s brother ray  does his usual egg - headed role  with his comic wit as well ( he wrote a book entitled  " my brother pissed on me . " ) elizabeth hurley is perfectly cast as the easy slut  and dennis hopper  in a quick cameo as ed ', s biological father  is a nice choice ( ironically coming after the role he turned down as christof in the truman show ) . ellen degeneres stood out as the executive who  after awhile  decides the show must not go on much to the opposite of the head exec  rob reiner ', s opinion . i hate to compare this film to the truman show  but the fact is  i was ashamed to see this movie . it felt that i had dropped from college to kindergarten after seeing truman and ed . edtv had no real wit or genius ; it was typical hollywood . extracting the tv part of the movie  you have the simple plotline : man steals brother ', s girlfriend  girlfriend leaves town  man gets new slut girlfriend to feel like he can move on  slut breaks up with him  real girlfriend comes back  and voila  you have a romance . i got so restless during this movie  i almost walked out . the only reason it doesn ', t drop below a " c " grade is because of the fine supporting performances . ad2am " i almost lost my nose . . . and i like it . i like breathing through it . " - jack nicholson  chinatown
neg five years after his directorial debut based on stephen king ', s writings called the shawshank redemption ( 9 / 10 )  writer / director frank darabont returns to the big screen with another prison film based on the famous scribblings of stephen king . unlike the latter film  this one is a big  long  laborious bore . plot : a seven - foot death row inmate is discovered to have secret healing powers . critique : this film is slow  drawn - out  boring  uninteresting  unexciting  predictable and topped with a couple of one - dimensional " evil " characters . its only positive attribute lies in its actors who all do credible jobs and its message of hope and belief in miracles . the real miracle of my night was the fact that i did not fall asleep during this straightforward  unimpressive film about a guy with special powers who we never truly understand or care about . of course  much like all other death row cell blocks  this one is filled with decent inmates who all happen to be " misunderstood "  except for one cookie - cutter crazy guy who is evil personified . and let ', s not forget all the guards on death row  who also happen to be angels from the heaven above  except for one cookie - cutter crazy guard who is also evil personified ( and is there any reason why there are about six guards when there appears to be no more than three inmates ? ? ? ) . am i supposed to identify with anyone in this film ? or even more importantly  am i supposed to give a rat ', s ass about anyone in this film ? well  if i was  i sure missed that boat  because the only thing that i ended up caring about during this entire picture was the obscene amount of fat that tom hanks has been able to burrow under his loose chin . furthermore  there is absolutely no reason in the world why director frank darabont needed to take three hours and ten minutes out of anyone ', s life to present this story . in fact  the story is empty within itself . i truly did not get anything out of the film other than the fact that there is a guy on death row who has special powers to heal  and we are left wondering if he should still be executed or not . wow . how interesting . the plot ', s utter predictability is also at fault here with one guess as to whom is to get healed by the gentle monster in this film ( we are told that one certain lady has a tumor early on in the movie ) . whip out those thinking caps  kids ! hmmm  and i wonder what will happen to those two cookie - cutter " evil " guys who have nothing in their system but hate and negativity . hmmmm  now think hard here  boys and girls . what a crock ! i am guessing that this film was supposed to be some three - hour exercise in spirituality  but unfortunately for me  it was neither spiritual or the least bit engaging . in fact  it was one big bore . i didn ', t see the point of the movie  i didn ', t see the point of the story and i certainly didn ', t see the point in tom hanks ', big double - chin . all in all  a bad movie starring some great actors doing solid work  especially michael clarke duncan as the man of the hour  john coffey . give that man an award or something !
neg synopsis : a small town thug convinces a dimwitted high - school student to spy on his girlfriend  who is babysitting three unruly kids for their alcoholic parents on a friday night . while this is going on  the thug  the father  the boyfriend  and a kid reaching the onset of puberty all have fantasies about the babysitter . comments : to say this movie is bad would be quite an understatement . i ', m not sure what writer and director ferland was hoping to accomplish with the babysitter . suspense ? family drama ? humor ? erotica ? elements of each of these genres exist in the film  yet it fails to successfully achieve any of them . instead  the babysitter is a dull  lifeless movie which manages to bore and ultimately irritate its viewers . i suppose this film could have been watchable if it weren ', t for the fact that the characters are universally unappealing . alicia silverstone is completely wasted playing jennifer  the babysitter . her character has absolutely no depth at all  and her sole purpose in the movie is to be the object of the other characters ', fantasies . everyone else in the film seems to be in a competition to see who can stoop to the lowest level by the time the film ends . the parents are alcoholics who become increasingly obnoxious as the movie proceeds . the father ( played by j . t . walsh ) fantasizes about the babysitter ; the mother fantasizes about her husband ', s best friend . none of these fantasy sequences  trust me  are things that need to be seen  but we see them anyway  complete with cheesy  make - out saxophone music . the thug  in the meantime  proves that he ', s evil through his annoying habit of smashing half - empty beer bottles all of a sudden and for no apparent reason . the most absurd character  however  is the babysitter ', s boyfriend who seems catatonically brain - dead . the thug  in a manipulative  iago - like manner ( though he doesn ', t really need to try hard )  manages to talk the boyfriend into binge - drinking  smoking grass  running away from cops  and playing peeping tom on his own girlfriend in a matter of minutes . incredible ! ( of course  the boyfriend ', s original plan for the evening was  try not to laugh  to sit in an empty diner and read catcher in the rye by j . d . salinger . ) if the goal of the babysitter was to be suspenseful  then it fails . there are surprisingly few tense moments in this film  and nearly all of them come at the final minute . by that time  however  the audience is so tired of the inane characters that no one truthfully cares what happens to any of them . no suspense occurs in the dream sequences either because every single one of them is obviously a dream sequence from its inception . if the goal of the babysitter was to be humorous  then it also fails . i found nothing even remotely funny about the boozing parents who seemed  at times  to be played for laughs . if the goal of the babysitter was to be dramatic  then  once again  it fails . the characters are one - dimensional and uninteresting . finally  if the goal of the babysitter was to be titillating ( the type of film destined to be played ad infinitum on hbo at 2 in the morning )  then it fails as well . the dream sequences aren ', t erotic ; they are too brief and  outside of one very short scene  contain no nudity . i can ', t completely trash this movie . the first 10 minutes or so vaguely resemble an interesting film  and the conclusion sports a halfway decent fistfight . the other 79 minutes  though  are a drag . silverstone ', s character  at the end of the movie  turns to her boyfriend and asks " what were you thinking ? " i asked myself the same question  having spent 99 cents renting this turkey .
neg working in the motion picture industry must be a constant source of frustration for a front - line african american actress like jada pinkett smith . despite being one of the freshest talents available  pinkett smith has often been relegated to playing thankless supporting parts ( a low down dirty shame  the nutty professor ) . the problem is  of course  that there aren ', t many good roles available for black women . take away the likes of waiting to exhale  set it off  soul food  and eve ', s bayou  and all that ', s left is a chance to be someone ', s girlfriend  a local whore  or a murder victim . as a result  for pinkett smith ', s first opportunity atop the marquee  she is stuck in a stupid  formulaic romantic comedy with the unpromising title of woo . actually  woo  the latest directorial effort from daisy v . s . mayer ( party girl )  could have been worse than it is . the film offers a few funny ( albeit juvenile ) moments and the on - screen relationship between pinkett smith ', s woo and tommy davidson ', s tim is appealing on those rare occasions when the two aren ', t forced to play it dumb for the sake of an endless barrage of cheap gags . unfortunately  huge portions of the movie are insulting to the intelligence of anyone with a triple - digit i . q . the situations are painfully contrived  the main characters are lifted right out of sit - coms  and the supporting players are so incredibly stupid that i wondered whether they all participated in some kind of " free lobotomy " lab experiment . woo is a spontaneous  energetic young woman who has been looking for love in all the wrong places . her latest relationship  with a testosterone - overdosed drug - dealer  came to an abrupt end when she refused to wear a beeper . now  her transvestite / medium friend celestrial ( girlina ) predicts that she ', s about to meet mr . right  and that he ', ll be a virgo . later that day  woo is given an opportunity to go out on a blind date with tim  a shy man with a penchant for neatness and order  who just happens to be a virgo . it ', s not love at first sight  however . things get off to a rocky start when tim makes an awkward pass  and they get even worse when the pair arrives at a swanky restaurant to enjoy a " quiet " dinner . in the one - hundred year history of motion pictures  there have been a ton of bad " white " movies about mismatched lovers  so i suppose it ', s only fair that we get a " black " effort of the same low caliber . as in all romantic comedies  we know from the beginning that woo and tim are going to end up together . the question is  are their courtship rituals entertaining ? in a good entry to the genre  the audience becomes caught up in the love story  no matter how familiar it is . in woo  the constant reliance upon unfunny  moronic humor sinks the project . for those who enjoy spotting continuity gaffes  there ', s a huge one in woo involving a corvette with a broken window that miraculously repairs itself ( added to that is the mystery of how the car looses its top ) . sadly  that ', s one of the film ', s most enjoyable sequences  and the entertainment value is entirely unintentional . despite exuding charm from every pore  there ', s little that pinkett smith and davidson can do to save their characters or david c . johnson ', s script . since it misses the mark by so much  a better name for woo might have been whoops .
neg there is a scene early in jakob the liar that hints at how much better it could have been . the scene is set in a jewish ghetto in poland circa 1944  where a one - time cafe proprietor named jakob heym is walking resolutely through the streets  fists stuffed into coat pockets . to one side of him  residents scavenge for food in the street ; to the other side  german troops beat a group of jews . jakob  however  never stops moving . it ', s an efficient  effective set - up for the character  who is clearly nobody ', s idea of a hero at the outset . he is a man who has responded to the horror of his surroundings by withdrawing from them  excising his moral peripheral vision . the set - up is critical because fate will turn jakob into a reluctant savior . after a visit to a german commandant ', s office and a moment alone with a turned - on radio  jakob learns that russian troops are quite near . when he brings this first news of the war in years to his fellow jews  they become convinced that he must have a radio  which is a punishable offense in the ghetto . the good news brings hope to the ghetto ; the everyday specter of suicide vanishes . a private man of limited creativity finds himself burdened with creating stories of russian military progress just to keep his neighbors alive . this promising story of an ordinary person doing the extraordinary is burdened from the outset by casting : the " ordinary person " in question  jakob heym  is played by robin williams . i am of the depressing opinion that williams is growing less assured as an actor in his " serious " roles with every passing year . compare his dramatic scenes in the world according to garp and moscow on the hudson with what dreams may come or patch adams  and see how much more mannered he has become ( or  at the very least  how much less sensible at choosing material ) . jakob the liar depends on the notion that jakob has to struggle to craft his fictions  but williams always looks like he ', s struggling _not_ to craft them . when he improvises a radio address by winston churchill for ailing 10 - year - old orphan lina ( hannah taylor gordon )  he seems relieved that he can finally get wacky . oh yes  and then there ', s that little girl . some viewers will undoubtedly consider the hero ', s fanciful stories for a young charge too reminiscent of life is beautiful  but those scenes aren ', t problematic because they ', re familiar . they ', re problematic because they ', re jarring and distracting  introducing a cutesy relationship into a film that shouldn ', t have been about cutesy relationships . jakob ', s character arc may be about his willingness to act for the benefit of others  but there are plenty of others without poor little lina . every scene with her feels contrived  pulling jakob the liar away from its central story of hope coming to a previously hopeless people . it is a pleasant surprise to find that jakob the liar is a much grittier production than you might expect from a hollywood - ized holocaust  combining the weighty subject matter with dark humor in some effective ways . director peter kassovitz  working from jurek becker ', s novel  crafts some nice scenes between jakob and the other townspeople  and draws solid performances from armin mueller - stahl ( as a once - revered doctor ) and bob balaban ( as a barber drifting into depression ) . there are just too many things going on that prove distracting  whether it ', s the sketchy romanctic angle involving liev schreiber as an earnest former prizefighter  or williams ', incongrous presence  or a sweet but utterly irrelevant little girl . jakob the liar deals with too delicate a subject for such fumbling  and has too compelling a central character to waste . and after one wonderful early scene  you can see the film wasted and fumbled away .
neg first troy beyer wrote the critically panned " b . a . p . s . " now she makes her directorial debut  writing  directing  and starring in this sub - par film about women talking about sex . though not without redeeming qualities  this film is bad . the basic story follows three single friends -- jazz ( beyer )  lena ( randi ingerman )  and michelle ( paget brewster ) -- in their search for love . jazz has an idea for a local talk show ; it would feature women talking about sex and dating . she and her friends make a demo tape of interviews with the women of miami . the film itself is sprinkled with these real interviews throughout  both as part of the plot and as commentary on the situations of the main characters . the fact that they are real provides a refreshing break from some of the more melodramatic moments in the film . there are several moments of bad acting  corny dialogue  and emotional overextension . in a low - budget independent film from a first - time director  these faults can sometimes be forgiven  if the screenplay is fresh and solid . that is not the case here . the script suffers from random plot developments . there are four or five of these turns in the plot  each one raising the question " where did that come from ? " at one point  a character has a lifelong reconciliation with her mother . we are supposed to be moved  but since the scene is completely un - led - up to  we really don ', t care if she and her mother get along . we ', ve never seen her mother before . we never see her again . who cares ? what ', s worse  these sudden developments are supposed to engage our sympathy . at another point  a character announces that she can ', t have children . apparently  this is devastating . we wouldn ', t know this because she never talked about having kids before  but we are nevertheless expected to be devastated for her . the scene feels like an afterthought  its emotion manipulative and shallow . these scenes grow worse and worse  culminating in an absurd climax . two scenes were played with such overwhelming melodrama that i found myself laughing . one scene is a lover ', s spat between two minor characters . the other has the main characters expressing their copious grief by cleaning house in wails of despair and clouds of ajax . thinking on these scenes  it is hard for me to admit that the film has redeeming qualities . but it does . first  it is original . we men often wonder what women talk about when they are alone in groups  and i imagine this film gives me a pretty good idea . it ', s something i don ', t think has been the subject of a film . second  the interviews of the miami women are sincere . taken together  they form a mosaic picture of miami beachwalkers and bistro diners . the mosaic is made of sound bites and stereotypes  but each tile is some woman ', s real experience . neither the picture of women  nor their picture of men  is truly representative  but the point is that both sets of generalizations are telling in their own way . at some level  the stereotypes that emerge can be called true . i can imagine some people liking this film when its characters talk about their " likes  dislikes  skills  and thrills  " but on the whole  it ', s pretty bad . and that makes it even harder to forgive the bad acting  corny dialogue  and emotional overextension . i ', ll give beyer one more strike  and then she ', s out . rated r ( almost got an nc - 17 ) for explicit sexual dialogue and nudity .
neg susan granger ', s review of " mulholland drive " ( universal focus ) whatever david lynch is selling  i ', m not buying . from the writer / director of " blue velvet " and " twin peaks " comes another dark  mysterious thriller that opens with an automobile accident on mulholland drive  the serpentine street that twists high in the hollywood hills . dazed  a beautiful brunette ( laura elena harring ) emerges and stumbles down a hill  slipping unobserved into a ', 30s - style apartment as the tenant leaves for a trip . the next morning  a dewy blonde ( naomi watts ) from deep river  ontario  arrives in la with dreams of stardom in her suitcase . her aunt owns the apartment and the two women meet . the brunette has amnesia so the blonde tries to help her discover her identity along with her latent lesbian lust . meanwhile  a hotshot director ( justin theroux )  whose wife is in bed with the poolman  is forced to cast a certain actress in his new film and there ', s an assassin ( mark pellegrino ) roaming the city . the tortuous paths of these various characters - and others named cookie  coco and cowboy - intersect at various points but the plot remains elusive because  midway through the story  lynch has the brunette and blonde play two different women in an alternate reality  leaving a huge wad of cash  a blue metallic key  a paralyzed mogul and a lot of questions that go unanswered . elena harring and particularly naomi watts are gifted actresses  effectively making the subtle switch . the same cannot be said for former m . g . m . dancer ann miller who ', s stiff and self - conscious  speaking - like most lynch players - in staccato tones . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " mulholland drive " is a frenzied  frustrating 4 . originally designed as an episodic tv pilot  this surreal triumph of suspenseful style over substance is packaged as a puzzle with several of the key pieces left out .
neg georges polti once wrote a paper called " the thirty - six dramatic situations  " in which he asserted the fact that all drama could be defined by no more than thirty - six different situations . this may be the modern restatement of the biblical prophecy from ecclesiastes  " there ', s nothing new under the sun . " the faculty  the latest movie by from dusk till dawn director robert rodriguez  certainly proves this in typical hollywood fashion . there ', s not a measureable fraction of original material in this unworthy outing . drawing elements from both the puppet masters and invasion of the body snatchers  screenwriter kevin williamson ( of scream 2 credit ) gives us a horror tale set in middle america ( ohio ) one eventful fall . making use of a cast of unusually stock characters  williamson designs an alien invasion that will not be done independence day - style but rather " through the back door . " parasitic aliens take over the faculty of a run - down high school and soon have infested most of the student body  leaving it up to the ensemble of principal characters to win the day . the lack of gusto is the movie ', s major stumbling block . even though the genre has seen movies that have a lack for quality such as this  they ', ve been saved by an energetic approach . this casts more than a shadow of a doubt on williamson ', s ability  who enjoyed success with the wes craven - directed scream but couldn ', t pull anything solid in for this outing or i know what you did last summer . although he designs the faculty with more of a sci - fi bent than his typical slasher picture  it still comes down to the same results : throw the stock characters in a steel cage match and see who comes out alive . on that level  the main roles are played by virtual unknowns . only the recognizeable elijah wood ( deep impact ) is at the front ; other than that  the screen veterans are saved for the minor roles of the alien teachers . perhaps williamson has it in mind to champion these up - and - comers to the fame that their scream and last summer counterparts achieved ; but to do that  they ', d all need to star in their own wb television show about the horrors of puberty a la " dawson ', s creek . " needless to say the acting is far from top notch  nor does necessity ask that it should be . there is a moment or two of genuine horror  but unfortunately williamson and rodriguez did not take the story far enough in the sci - fi direction to make any use of it . in sum  the faculty was just one long shot that did not pay off .
neg the most popular trend of the last couple of years has been the twist ending . watching one of these movies  everything seems to make sense until suddenly you are blown away by an unexpected surprise . when the film ends  there is a moment of confusion  then recollection  then some more confusion  then possibly a second viewing for clarification . this is a description of an ideal twist that perfects everything it sets out to do and more . good surprises make movies fun to watch . then there are the bad twists . you either know what is going to happen ten minutes into the movie ( i ', m talking about you reindeer games ) or you did not guess the ending because it is so outrageously stupid . screwed perfectly suits the latter description . what starts out as a dumb guilty pleasure which should be fun to mock with a group of friends ends with a complex finale with way too much going on . by the writers of man on the moon and the people vs . larry flynt  scott alexander and larry karaszewski leave milos forman behind and take a stab at film directing . whoops . screwed is an inane christmas carol gone berserk with few genuine laughs and many acting embarrassments . norm macdonald stars as willard filmore  a hard working chauffeur who just wants a little respect from his rich  old  insidious boss  miss crock ( elaine stritch ) . when he overhears her plans to fire him on christmas day  willard is convinced by his best friend rusty ( dave chapelle ) to kidnap crock ', s beloved dog and hold it for a ransom of one million dollars . too excited to pay any attention  the hapless losers ', plan goes awry when the dog escapes and returns home . now crock thinks willard has been kidnapped and the two friends  realizing they can make even more money  decide to stage the fake kidnapping . of course  everything that could go wrong does . the first forty - five minutes of screwed is harmless entertainment - a guilty pleasure that should be enjoyably bad . but the convoluted script eventually builds into a disaster that is impossible to bear . the more idiotic these characters get  the more reckless the script becomes . at one point  i wanted to get out of my seat and yell at these characters : " no  you idiot ! " i ', m not just talking about willard and rusty  who were extremely annoying  i ', m also talking about the cops in this film . a monkey could have solved this case within an hour but these guys ( headed by murder one ', s daniel benzali ) were just too clueless to forgive . they give real cops bad names . also poor danny devito apparently does not know how to turn down a role these days . looking almost identical to his penguin in batman : returns  every time he appeared on the screen i had to shake my head in disbelief . he just didn ', t belong in this movie . macdonald and chapelle are veterans at these kinds of movies but devito made the film much worse than it already was  gross out humor is certainly not his forte . if you ', re a fan of norm macdonald ', s other chaotic comedy  dirty work  you might actually love this near - sequel . otherwise  don ', t get screwed out of your hard - earned money .
neg " spice world " is just one long promotional film for the british girl band the spice girls . sure there ', s a hint of humor in there every once in a while . actually  there ', s a couple of pretty good jabs at the spice girls . but overall  who cares ? not me . if you don ', t know by now  the spice girls sing songs of love and friendship and responsibility and girl power  yet dress like streetwalkers from a lower middle class neighborhood . in " spice world " they ride around in their big tour bus  whining about having to do photo shoots and give interviews . amazingly  all the talk they do about keeping commitments and upholding responsibilities only really applies to fun things  things they want to do  not things they are required to do to keep earning money . and they keep babbling about " girl power " when they should really be talking about " cleavage power " . i mean  if all it takes is girl power  then why are they only one thread away from bursting out of their skimpy outfits ? the film is pg  but really with only some very minor dialogue changes and scene extentions  you ', d have yourself one raunchy adult film . by the way  there ', s something in the opening credits which says " based on an idea by the spice girls " . wow  they got idea credit ! i certainly wish that was a new trend in hollywood . . . giving credit for simply having the thought " say girls  let ', s make a movie ! " the supporting cast fares well . roger moore ( the real james bond ) mockingly plays the cliche - spewing " chief " of the spice girls  and darn it all  he ', s fun to watch . mark mckenney also is good as a screenwriter trying to pitch film ideas to the band ', s manager ( richard e . grant ) . one question though : george wendt ? you ', d think that " spice world " would envoke one of two reactions in people . if you like the spice girls  you ', ll like them even more afterwards . and if you can ', t stand them ( like me )  then " spice world " will really make you sick . oddly  the audience i saw the film with  roughly 50 twelve year - old girls  sat in silence for the entire film . well  not the two who sat directly behind me . they kept muttering " this is stupid " over and over again . maybe there is hope for humanity after all . [ pg ]
neg i read the new yorker magazine and i enjoy some of their really in - depth articles about some incident . they will take some incident like the investigation of a mysterious plane crash and tell you what happened in detail . it becomes a real education in what agencies get involved and how theories are suggested  and what kind of pressure the investigators are under  and just about any other aspect you can think of . frequently i get the feeling that the article sounded exciting  but i am being told in more detail than i really wanted to know . often i get to the middle of a story and say  ok  it sounded good but i now have invested more time than i am willing to spend on this subject . film is a different medium . it is a visual medium . that slows down the telling of stories much more than people realize . i frequently am surprised to find out how short a film script is and how much of the pages are empty space . the magazine article and the film script are two very different media . the insider is a film adaptation of the vanity fair article " the man who knew too much " by marie brenner . it is too much an adaptation of a magazine article slowed to the pace of a film . it really verges on being tedious at least at times . for years the seven big companies knew that they dealt in an addictive drug that caused a host of unhealthy side - effects . but they pretended for the public that it was unproven and they did not really believe it . the business was incredibly profitable and the proceeds translated into the political power to squelch and discredit any political movements against big tobacco . the tide turned when a former vice - president of one of the companies was convinced by the cbs 60 minutes news team to tell the public how much the tobacco companies really knew about the health effects of smoking . the resulting pressure to stop the story created a small civil war at cbs . who were the major people involved  what were their motives  how was the story almost killed  how did it get aired anyway ? that is the story covered in surprising detail by the insider . this all could have been enthralling  but it is not the sort of thing that a stylist like michael mann would be likely to do well . and in the end  he failed . to make a long story short  the film needed a director who knew how to make a long story short . the film opens with the cbs 60 minutes team in iran with the assignment to interview a terrorist . we get a taste for their personal style and how they get the upper hand . they go from being one newsman blindfolded at the hands of the terrorists to the actual interview with mike wallace ( played by christopher plummer ) . there the news team under producer lowell bergman ( al pacino ) are ordering around the terrorists and getting away with it . this seems to have nothing to do with the main line of the story  but later when the tobacco industry is so much harder to manipulate than committed terrorists  we have a wry irony on who really has clout in the world . terrorists can grab the headlines  but the tobacco companies have the real position of power . incongruously intercut with the iran interview sequence we see jeffrey wigand ( russell crowe ) dejectedly returning from work to his home . we discover that he has been fired and his career brought to a complete halt unexpectedly . he had been a very profitably rewarded vice - president in charge or research and development at brown and williams tobacco ; now he was unemployed and needed money to support his family . rather than support him his wife liane ( diane venora ) demands of him what are they supposed to do for income . meanwhile the 60 minutes team trying to do a story on fires started by cigarettes have obtained some data they do not understand . they offer wigand $ 12  000 just to interpret the data . wigand ', s severance agreement swears him to secrecy about anything he knows about tobacco dealings  but he is reluctantly he stretches the severance terms . he is willing to read some documents from another tobacco company and interpret them for bergman . in spite of the secrecy  wigand ', s former employers seem immediately to know wigand is talking to 60 minutes and he is warned off by former boss thomas sandefur played michael gambon in an all too brief but deliciously sinister role . and so the game begins . wigand is irate at his negative treatment for what he still considered continued to be loyalty to his agreement and his former employer . meanwhile someone is playing very rough with wigand and his family . the film examines wigand and the pressures placed on his family as they are caught between two powerful giants . wigand has always wanted to make tobacco safer and has natural sympathies with getting the story out . he and his family are assaulted psychologically and financially by the giant tobacco industry that had never lost a legal fight . al pacino is given top billing but the wigand family is the core of the insider . the story is told slowly and in just a bit too much meticulous detail . the film is 157 minutes and is an extremely demanding film for the audience . the musical score by pieter bourke  lisa gerrard  and graeme revell is one of the worst in recent memory . it puts ominous chords under some scenes and using voice in ways that become a distraction that gets in the way of the storytelling . also disturbing is the casting of christopher plummer as mike wallace . plummer and wallace are such different types and wallace is too well - known for even so good an actor as plummer to play him convincingly . this film might have been a really engaging experience under another director ', s control . michael mann was the wrong person to helm this film and the insider lacks intensity because of his style . i rate it a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg i should have known  damn it  i should have known . ewan mcgregor - codename : " eye " - is pointing a high - tech rifle - ly gadget at a fat  bald business - oriented american engaging in illicit sexual activities in a window across the street . we get the requisite electro - green through - the - sight view . we the audience  seeing a high tech rifle - ly gadget  of course think that eye is going to assassinate the target  but instead  he pulls the trigger and the rifle takes twenty or so hazy  low - quality photographs  which eye then proceeds to fax and e - mail to everyone in his target ', s office . all right  so thirty seconds in  i was slightly befuddled by this seemingly pointless rifle / camera  but i was still open minded . . . maybe there ', s a really good reason for it . i ', ve got reason to believe  you see - i admire a lot of ewan mcgregor ', s previous work . . . and he ', s obi wan ke - friggin - nobi for god ', s sake . and director stephan elliot ', s last movie priscilla  queen of the desert was a quirky little delight . there ', s some genuine talent involved here . i think at the twenty minute mark  there was still a spark of hope in my heart . eye has been assigned to investigate the leader of his organization ', s son ( i still have no idea what this organization was - british intelligence ? national spy ring ? private investigation ? )  who is apparently stealing from his trust fund . he has received his assignment from k . d . lang  through an elaborate and expensive teleconferencing briefcase . when eye tracks his target to an expensive - looking secluded house  he witnesses a mysterious and beautiful woman ( ashley judd ) take a knife out and proceed to stab the poor bastard . ok  that ', s odd  i think to myself  this could be interesting . then she starts to cry  and through her tears exclaims " merry christmas  dad ! " for the first time . so begins our tale of obsession . . . or . . . something . the rest of the movie involves ewan mcgregor ', s eye character following ashley judd around to every corner of the united states  totally and completely obsessed by this woman from afar . throughout his entire professional life  he has been a voyeur ; so when he falls for someone  the only way he can handle it is to watch and drool through telescopes and cameras . fine  that ', s a lovely premise  i suppose . but gosh darn it  if you ', re going to go there  you better have some sort of explanation . and that ', s precisely where this film fails . this is the kind of movie that pisses me off . it ', s an abortion  a collection of half - formed and wasted ideas that amounts to absolutely nothing in the end . it pretends it is something that it is not - a surreal and deep psychological character study wrapped in a high - tech thriller . here  the filmmakers have confused " surreal " and " deep " with " vaguely unclear " and " crammed full of insultingly obvious metaphors . " i never  even for an instant  had the foggiest idea why eye would fall so in " love " with this woman who changes wigs and kills people . the movie offers only two explanations  neither of which make a lick of sense . explanation number one : the obnoxious presence of eye ', s imaginary daughter  who was taken away from him by his wife some time ago  tells him he shouldn ', t leave ms . judd . explanation two  which by the end of the film has been beaten into our heads through imagery and dialog and even the title of the movie : " beauty is in the eye of the beholder . " whoo hoo  that helps  thanks a bunch  case closed . that ', s as deep as it gets  folks . there is an attempt at an explanation in the final minutes  which  instead of tying everything together  ends up being as profound as a clever sixth - grade mad lib . there are secondary characters that move in and out of the picture and serve little or no purpose except to make the audience wonder what the hell the point was . my personal favorites include : the prison - matron modeled after austin powers ', frau farbissina  who apparently taught ms . judd everything she knows about wearing wigs ; jason priestley ', s awfully played dirty desert vagrant # 1  who tries to emulate dennis hopper a la blue velvet  but fails miserably ; and the cop - who - sees - ashley - fleeing - an - accident - scene - and - then - wants - to - pay - for - sex - but - is - shot . each one in this sad little parade is a little more pointless than the last . the script pays no attention to the laws of time and space . any time one of the frequent location changes occurs  the camera zooms in on a souvenir snow globe  and minutes  weeks  or years could have passed . bewilderingly inane stylistic decisions plague the whole affair - one character passes a glass of cognac to another in a slow - motion close - up awash in a lot of bass . ewan mcgregor at one point takes up residence in a bell tower just so he could be repeatedly awakened and deafened by the giant bell . jason priestly starts philosophizing about sharks  then laughs maniacally . . . cut to random guy with eye patch . . . iguana out of focus . . . iguana comes into focus . wow  man . when i found out afterward that this film was based on a novel  it came as no surprise to me . there are plenty of elements here that  if extended and fleshed out more  would have made for a decent story . and i wouldn ', t be surprised if i found out there was an hour and a half of footage cut from this movie lying in a landfill somewhere  or waiting in the wings for the dvd special director ', s cut . . . not that anything would ever possess me to purchase such a thing to find out what i was missing . the last ten or so minutes featured a conversation between the eye and the judd that was supposed to be some sort of revealing exposition . some guy in the back of the theater was talking on his cell phone  and this time i didn ', t particularly care all that much because what was happening on the screen was a steaming pile of unholy crap ; the audience around me chuckled and whispered sentiments similar to what i was thinking . someone near cell - phone - guy did eventually yell  " shut the hell up ! "  but it was a lot funnier when we thought he was talking to the screen .
neg as bad as " mimic " was  it definitly scared me . " mimic " continued the frightening hollywood trend of taking a foreign director who shows a lot of creative ingenuity and style  and completely flushing it when he comes to america to make a movie . director guillermo del toro was recently imported from mexico after he made the award winning and inventive horror film " cronos . " that movie worked because it took an unconventional story  unique characters and well written plot and dialogue to create a truly scary movie . in " mimic "  del toro doesn ', t bother to give us anything original . the plot is a stupid combination of " aliens " meets " species " meets " jurassic park . " the characters have been recycled from a few hundred other movies . there ', s nothing new in " mimic " . it ', s just a bunch of old tricks that rarely work . at the end of the movie  you ', re stuck wanting your money back . maybe the worst thing about the movie is that del toro followed another annoying trend of recent movies : he forgot to turn the lights on . i don ', t understand why suspense movies lately have to follow the " seven " trend and be set in dark  dank areas . watching " mimic " i was tempted several times to yell at the screen " turn the lights on ! the switch is to your right ! use common sense ! just do it ! you ', ll be able to see the monster in the corner ! " there ', s a scene where mira sorvino is standing in subway station while the lights are flickering on and off . it looked like the light operator was having a seizure  and sorvino didn ', t even notice - she just stood there looking like she was having deep thoughts . " hmmm . . . . i think bean soup would be good for dinner tonight . " " mimic " has a lot of incidental shock tactics ( boo ! just kidding ! ) and follows them up with the real scare  but nothing in this movie scares you . the audience in the theater never jumped during suspenseful moments ; i think they were bored  too . i shouldn ', t blame del toro . he isn ', t the first successful foreign director to come to hollywood and make a bad movie . hong kong director john woo made two of the best action films of all time  " the killer " and " hard boiled " then came to america to make the stupid " broken arrow . " french directors luc besson ( " la femme nikita " ) and george sluizer ( " the vanishing " ) followed woo ', s lead and made dumbed down versions of those movies . robert rodriguez  who directed the terrific low budget " el mariachi " came to hollywood and directed the horrible  high - budget " desperado . " i don ', t know why a foreign director who shows such talent in his country can ', t make a good american movie . woo finally broke through and made " face / off "  but it still isn ', t up to par with his earlier films . i get the feeling a hollywood producer sits in his office  chews on a big smelly cigar and says to the director  " welcome to america ! i bet you must be tired after being on that boat for so long . do you speak english ? now  i know you think you ', ve made good movies in the past  but now you ', re in america  so things are a little different here . just remember what the american audience always wants  and you ', ll be fine . they want to see at least one big breasted woman  characters that they ', ve seen a thousand times before ( because change scares americans )  and you always need a cheesy feel - good ending to wrap things up . if you don ', t make that kind of movie  you ', ll be shining my shoes in no time . "
neg darren ( jason biggs )  wayne ( steve zahn )  and j . d . ( jack black ) have been best friends since the fifth grade . like the three musketeers  they ', ve been together through thick and thin . but  when darren meets an attractive  but cold - blooded and manipulative  psychiatrist  judith ( amanda peet )  the long time friendship is placed in danger . it ', s up to wayne and j . d . to rescue their best friend in " saving silverman . " " silverman " has its heart in the right place  but the story  by newcomers hank nelken and greg depaul  is too lightweight to sustain the tale of the battle for darren ', s soul . based on their experience of a friend making a major marital mistake  the story is centered on the three  life long amigos . when wayne introduces darren to judith  he doesn ', t realize that he has opened a pandora ', s box of disaster for himself and j . d . judith was once in a relationship where her boyfriend was the dominant figure until he died in a kick boxing match . since then  she has sought a new mate - someone she can boss around and mold into her own vision . enter darren silverman . once they realize the magnitude of their error in judgement  wayne and j . d . try everything they can  including threats and bribery  to get judith to free darren . nothing works until the duo come up with a plan - kidnap judith and get darren back together with the girl he called his one and only  pretty sandy perkus ( amanda detmer ) . the only problem here is that sandy is about to take her vows to become a nun . things spiral out of control as judith repeatedly attempts to escape while wayne and j . d . play cupid . the boys even bring their idol  neil diamond  into the picture to help resolve things . thinking about it  this is a real mishmash of contrivance and coincidence that is held together solely by the comedic efforts of steve zahn and jack black . the pair is able to elicit the film ', s only laughs with their goofy antics and child - like behavior . they are relegated to providing slapstick guy humor and the two are more than equal to the task . steve zahn has been steadily honing his comedic acting skills and gives some complexity to wayne  the " brains " of the gang . jack black has the big - guy moves of a chris farley  giving j . d . an amusing physical presence . the neat thing is that the two actors are able to get fresh laughs from stale material . the rest of the cast doesn ', t fare as well  though . jason biggs is the straight man of the musketeers and gets very little to do ; though having watched his previous films ( " american pie " and " loser " ) i ', m not sure what attraction biggs actually has . amanda peet is caustic as the manipulative judith . there is no humanity at all to her character as she single - mindedly strives to recreate darren into her mind ', s image . she ', s a monster that wayne and j . d . must defeat to save their friend . unfortunately  there is no dimension to her character . amanda detmer brings nothing ( or gets nothing ) as darren ', s one and only . r . lee ermey  as the psychotic coach  made a bad decision taking this role . tune - meister neil diamond gives a good - natured cameo perf as the boys ', idol and savior . production values are on par with the rest of the film - lackluster and non - involving . director dennis dugan has a track record for broad comedy with films like " big daddy " and " beverly hills ninja  " but falls flat with " saving silverman . " the 2001 movie year has yet to provide us with a " good " film to sink our teeth into . at least  with " saving silverman  " we get a couple of funny perfs from zahn and black . too bad that the rest of the film lacks their level of humor . kick boxing deaths and conflicted nuns are not the makings of a good comedy . i give it a c - .
neg " an intimate  character - driven drama about a troubled youth at a crossroads in his life  " read the press notes for _reach_the_rock_ . i ', m not really sure what film that statement is describing because those words bear little resemblance to the slow  completely uninvolving bore i saw -- at least  it certainly does not describe what goes on for most of the film . alessandro nivola plays robin fleming  a troubled  directionless 21 - year - old who has a penchant for breaking storefront windows in a small town . police sergeant phil quinn ( william sadler ) takes him in  and what ensues for the first 70 minutes is a tedious series of sneak - outs and sneak - ins where robin slips out of his jail cell  breaks a window  then returns  all without quinn ever noticing . also added to the pointless proceedings is some would - be humorous shenanigans involving quinn ', s dimwitted deputy ernie attempting to engage in clandestine patrol car sex with his girlfriend donna ( karen sillas ) . with a half hour ( if even that long ) remaining  director william ryan and writer john hughes ( yes  john hughes of ', 80s youth films and _home_alone_ ) finally approach something close to a point . turns out robin still pines for his high school sweetheart lise ( brooke langton )  who has long gone on with her life  and hughes ', s main concern at long last reveals itself as a tired " live in the present and for the future " message . most moviegoers  however  will likely be asleep by that time . wide awake  however  is the cast  who individually tackle their showcase dramatic scenes with energy and skill -- thus revealing the _real_ purpose behind this listless enterprise : to serve as a series of acting exercises . such a glorified workshop may have its rewards for the actors  but it leaves audiences with a booby prize . ( opens october 16 )
neg vampire ', s is a rude  chauvinistic movie where women are portrayed as pawns of abuse  present only to pleasure men  feed vampires  readied to be bashed or beaten - till one ', s sensibilities is shocked by the low iq and mentality of this regressive movie . to make matters worse  the buffoons that go hunting vampires are all rednecks  and deserve to have their heads bitten off  if not  their bodies carved in half . the dilemma of hating the ? heroes ', as much as the ? villains ',  makes one wish that the ? hand of god ', would suddenly appear and blast both parties into oblivion . james wood portrays jack crow  a man obsessed with killing vampires  whose soul reason for living is based on revenge ( they killed his parents )  but this is not a good excuse for being more obnoxious than the vampires . as for adam baldwin  he is nothing more than a stooge who is ordered to beat women when the director shouts ? action ',  and the script should have been reworked to avoid much offence against the female sex . as for the claims that the catholic church created ? dracula ',  well that is the second most sacrilegious suggestion  outside the fact that priests and monks bear the brunt of the vampire fury  with enough blood spilt to make the inquisition look tame . an awful movie on all counts  my suggestion is to bring back buffy and bury this group of incompetent  rude vampire slayers .
neg synopsis : blond criminal psychologist sarah chooses to copulate with greasy tony the mysterious puerto rican rather than bearded cliff the wisecracking neighbor upstairs . in the meantime  someone sends sarah rotting flowers  puts her name in the newspaper ', s obituary column  and kills her cat . comments : never talk to strangers  a colossal waste of time  moves slower than molasses in winter to arrive at a conclusion which should be obvious to the audience 20 minutes into the film . one wouldn ', t think that two genuine movie stars  antonio banderas ( evita ) and rebecca de mornay ( hand that rocks the cradle )  and the acerbic comic genius dennis miller ( " saturday night live " ) would be involved in such a celluloid backfire as this turkey . not only are they in it  however  but de mornay executive produced it . what was she thinking ? never talk to strangers centers upon sarah  a psychologist examining the ill - tempered max  a murderer soon to stand trial . she receives a sudden visit from her father which elicits flashbacks of some tragedy in her early childhood . two men woo her ; tony the " security consultant " wins her over ( so they have passionate sex replete with cheesy saxophone music ) . a lot of psychobabble is thrown around about multiple personality disorder  but the movie asks its audience not to derive the obvious conclusion between mpd and sarah  and instead offers several male characters as red herrings . 86 minutes  the running time of this cinematic mess  thus  seem like 86 hours . a good chunk of never talk to strangers is spent upon sarah and tony . why would the career - minded  professional sarah feel attracted to the walking steroid with a black hat called tony ? that ', s one of the film ', s mysteries which are never answered . regardless of motive  de mornay and banderas strip down and have sex several times in what passes for eroticism . they also manage to go out before copulating occasionally -- in one of the stupidest scenes of the film  tony takes sarah to a carnival that ', s * right outside * his dingy apartment ( that way  they can hurry back and have sex quickly ) . also  apparently  the weather changes quickly in their locale : they ', re at this outdoor carnival one day before having sex ; the next day  they ', re out playing in the snow before having sex . the filmmakers attempt to produce a suspenseful plot interspersed with tony and sarah ', s " character development . " someone is out to get poor sarah ( though most of the audience should have figured out who before any of this starts ) . rotting flowers  a writeup in the obituary  and a beaten neighbor are just a few of the bad things which happen to her . suspense cliche number one also occurs : whenever someone is stalked in thrillers  by any means  if the stalked has a pet  that pet will die . oftentimes  to even further the cliche  the murdered pet is a cat ( suspense filmmakers  for some reason  just don ', t like cats ) . sarah  in never talk to strangers  receives a package and  lo and behold  discovers her mutilated cat within . suspense at its very derivative ! as stated before  never talk to strangers is a poor excuse for a film whose sole purpose seems to be exploiting banderas and de mornay ', s bodies as often as possible . comedian dennis miller is completely wasted here ( he ', s not given lines that are suitable for his persona ) and doesn ', t even appear all that much . maybe  in a way  he ', s lucky for that . early on in the movie  sarah tells tony  after meeting him in a supermarket  that she had been advised to never talk to strangers . allow me to advise that you never watch this stinker .
neg a sensuous romantic comedy  about as appealing as your average lightweight tv sitcom . there is no special ingredient on the menu for what is dished out  its the kind of stuff i ', ve seen before and was made nauseous by its silly idea of love and what it thinks is funny . the film plans to exploit the beauty and sweetness of its delicious star pen ? lope cruz  who plays a brazilian chef with a magical touch for bringing out the spices in her preparations  the aromas just sensually waft from her cooking pot  but who can ', t get by on looks alone in this transparently predictable story . pen ? lope was wonderful in pedro almod ? var ', s " all about my mother  " but here she is so visible in such a stale story  where she can only smile and tease the audience by having us see a constant barrage of cleavage shots as she bends when cooking  that she somehow looks ridiculous  as if she got egg all over her face . the best you can say about her  is that she ', s not to blame for this picture being so off . this exploitation of sex film without even delivering nudity or sex  is in my opinion  worst than a raunchy film that delivers what it says it will . the story is all about the love  motion sickness  and cooking ability of isabella ( cruz )  who is born in bahia  brazil and learns to cook at an early age from her parents ', cook . to cure her motion sickness  her parents tried every remedy  until they went to a spiritualist who prayed to the goddess of the sea for her cure . she is able to control it now as long as she doesn ', t drive a car  ride elevators  follow in dancing  and is the woman on top when making love . in other words  she has to be in control of things . in her small fishing town she falls in love with a handsome macho latin waiter  toninho oliveira ( murilo ben ? cio ) and marries him . they open up a successful restaurant  where she slaves away in the kitchen but he gets all the credit for it  even though he ', s a loafer . one night she catches him in bed with another girl and decides to leave for san francisco . we don ', t see her in flight  so i can ', t tell how she handled her motion sickness problem -- unless she flew the plane . she visits her friend ', s apartment monica ( harold perrineau jr . )  who is a cross - dresser  blending right into the san francisco scene . to cast away her love for the irresistible toninho  she calls her spiritualist friend and gets her to cast an irreversible spell  freeing her from ever loving him again . her luck changes when a local tv producer cliff ( mark feurerstein ) gets a whiff of her cooking and storms into her cooking class as if were in a spell and presents her with her own live tv cooking show . you can really write the script from here on by yourself . . . as the despondent toninho begins to realize what a good thing he had  but things continue to go bad for him : there is a curse he caused on the fishing in his village  there is no chef to replace his wife  as the restaurant is about to close for good . so he comes to san francisco  figuring he can charm her again . he brings along with him his guitar playing musicians  the ones he used when courting her  when he serenaded her under her window . he sees his wife on tv with monica as her sidekick  the yuppie tv producer chasing after her  and sees that she is no longer charmed by him . when he sneaks on her tv show set and tries to woo her with his musical group and him singing corny love songs to her  the ratings go up and he ', s hired as a regular on the show . the show gets so big  that the network honchos come onboard  taking it national . but they want to change the ethnic flavor of the show  get rid of monica because he ', s a freak  have isabella cook with tabasco instead of the brazilian peppers she uses  and they change her ethnic dresses to low - cut vanna white type of sexy dresses . cliff  her would - be boyfriend  acts creepy and sides with the network big - shots  even though he loved everything she did . these tv scenes were not only bad stereotype scenes of tv honchos  they were revolting . it was an insult to one ', s intelligence . i ', m sure that i ', m not spoiling the ending for anyone  when i tell you that toninho reforms his macho ways and together they cook up a meal that breaks her spell of loving him again . if the film wasn ', t terrible enough  monica and cliff act on their attraction for each other and become lovers . it was so awkwardly done  that it had no sense of truth or humor to it . this film might as well have been made by the same network guys featured in this film  because it doesn ', t look or feel like an almod ? var film  the type of film it aspired to be  but more like a film that was interferred with from above . its more like a futile commercial film that is more annoying than charming and more dull than chic  as it searches for box office heaven .
neg let me just start this review off by saying i am a huge fan of professional wrestling and have been for fifteen years . i am not too fond of ted turner ', s world championship wrestling  however  and i am even less fond of it now after seeing this ridiculous excuse for a wrestling movie tonight . the plot concerns two losers named gordie boggs ( david arquette  aptly cast as a neandrathal ) and sean dawkins ( scott caan ) who are so obsessed with professional wrestling that they believe everything they see on wcw monday nitro is something more than a flashy show . when they finally get to see their hero  wcw world champion jimmy king ( played by oliver platt . i personally would have gotten a wrestler to play king )  he ends up getting screwed over by evil promoter titus sinclair ( a wasted palitaliano  in a role originally meant for real - life wcw president eric bischoff before he was fired and rehired six months later  and if anyone reads this who knows bischoff  they will agree with me that the role of sinclair had his name written all over it )  they embark on a quest to find him and help him get his title back . when they find him  they discover in horror that jimmy king ', s real life is nothing like it is on wcw tv . king is a drunken atlanta native rather than an english king . after convincing king that they don ', t care that his persona isn ', t real  gordie and sean sneak him back onto wcw monday nitro  after which sinclair agrees to book him in a main event steel cage match for the wcw title and his job back in las vegas at wcw ', s pay - per - view . gee  whiz  there are so many things wrong with this movie  i don ', t know where to begin . yes  i do . . . 1 . the characters of gordie and sean show you what eric bischoff  wcw president who thought up this project  thinks of wrestling fans . he thinks of us as idiots who take everything wrestlers do seriously . he actually thinks wrestling fans are dumb enough to believe this is meant to be taken seriously . i got news for you  eric : nobody above the age of four is dumb enough for that  this is 2000  you know  not 1985 ! i know he ', ll probably cover arguments up by saying it isn ', t meant to be taken seriously but it is  because that ', s how big an ego bischoff has . 2 . there was a documentary made in 1998  wrestling with shadows  that documented the owner of the world wrestling federation  vince mcmahon ', s screwing bret " the hitman " hart out of the title . this movie ', s storyline is basically a comic rip - off of that plot with the poor man ', s wayne and garth thrown in . eric bischoff is trying to make vince mcmahon look bad with the character of titus sinclair  but any wrestling fan knows titus is more like bischoff than mcmahon  and that vince did what he had to do to bret hart . 3 . the movie ', s main wrestler  jimmy king  has an english king gimmick and the audience cheered big for him . no wrestling fan actually enjoys characters like that in this day and age  we want bad asses today ! 4 . why make this a comedy  instead of an emotional  rocky - style drama ? i know wrestling isn ', t a sport  but you can still get behind a guy who struggles as a wrestler and finally makes it in the end . 5 . in the movie  gordie starts up an ill - fated romance with nitro girl sasha ( the lovely rose mcgowan . what she sees in that freak marilyn manson i ', ll never understand )  only to find that she has hospitalized king ', s trainer for sinclair . wouldn ', t it have been easier to just have them fall in love instead of doing the typical spy - girl - for - the - bad - guy cliche ? i hate that . 6 . last  but certainly not least  there was not one single moment in this movie that i could not predict would happen  nor did i laugh once either . the world wrestling federation should have been the wrestling company to make the movie  for these reasons : 1 . they ', re the better promotion . 2 . they have better and younger talent  performers and wrestlers . 3 . they give their fans what they want and don ', t treat them like idiots . 4 . they ', re winning the ratings and they ', re the promotion everybody cares about . 5 . simply put  they could make a movie a hundred times better  and they could do a wrestling movie the right way . the only good thing about this movie was they played outtakes at the end . and if i spoiled it for you  good  i saved you from wasting seven dollars .
neg battlefield long  boring and just plain stupid battlefield earth a film review by michael redman copyright 2000 by michael redman in my mid - teen years  i had a horrendous re - occurring nightmare . behind the wheel of a car  i was driving down a straight road in the middle of a desert . no scenery except the horizon line and the converging parallel lines of the highway . no matter what i did  the view didn ', t change : travelling but not getting anywhere . each time i awoke in a sweat  terrified . you don ', t have to be carl jung to understand that dream . powerless to make changes  trapped in a boring situation with no hope of rescue  this is the stuff of nightmares whether we are asleep or awake . this is exactly how you will feel 15 minutes after " battlefield earth " begins . for all of its flash and style  l . ron hubbard ', s science fiction epic is the earliest and best entry for the dullest summer film of 2000 . dull " and " stupid . in the year 3000  the psychlo aliens have ruled our planet for 1  000 years . humans either work as slave labor in mining operations or live as barbarians . there ', s no hope . the future is bleak . then the psychlo make a mistake and capture feisty jonnie goodboy tyler ( barry pepper ) who organizes a revolution against chief of security terl ( john travolta ) and the alien race . it ', s an archetypal post - apocalyptic plot full of promise . considering some of the talent involved and all the millions thrown at the screen  it ', s difficult to see how it could have failed so miserably . but it does . the story is so full of holes that it falls apart within minutes of the opening credits . are we really supposed to believe that after a millennium of looking for gold  the psychlo never discovered fort knox ? or that fighter planes are still in pristine condition after all that time -- and gassed up ? or that the cavemen become such expert pilots in seven days that they can easily down the advanced alien ships ? or that the psychlo spy cameras somehow don ', t notice that their slaves are missing for days ? travolta prances across the screen hamming it up for all he ', s worth and is almost entertaining . almost . the rest of the actors are wooden mannequins trying not to laugh while delivering lines that no person -- " man - animal " or not -- would ever utter . some of the film _looks_ good  but it also looks so familiar . a race of large hulking ape - like creatures has taken over the world while our cities lie in ruin . sound like something charlton heston might be in ? the psychlo look like overweight klingons in gear from " dune " . the final air battle between the air force fighters and the psychlo ships in their high - tech city is something george lucas might have been associated with . it ', s too loud . it ', s too oppressive . it ', s too slow . it ', s too long . . . far too long . and on it goes . the list of the problems with " battlefield earth " is endless . it ', s difficult to find anything in the film that does work . oh yeah . the color scheme is nice . the real question is how this movie ever got made . could it have something to do with the fact that l . ron hubbard was the founder of scientology ? and that john travolta is a member of the church . that might explain why travolta bought the rights to the novel years ago . but it doesn ', t give us a clue as to why first - time screenwriter corey mandell ', s atrocious script was used . or why the high - profile project was entrusted with roger christian who had never before directed a major film . or why no one looked at this thing before it was released and realized there might be problems . the one bright spot is that no longer will kevin costner ', s " the postman " ( which i begrudgingly admit as a guilty pleasure ) be " the " big budget science fiction failure . " battlefield earth " has the honor sewed up . often reviewers will recommend that you skip mediocre films and wait for the video . that ', s not the case here . you can act now and make the decision to not see it on the big screen or on the small one . don ', t hesitate . strike now while the iron is cold .
neg hey  i ', ve got a great idea for a movie ! ok  here it is : we ', ll get tim allen to pull angry faces for about two hours or so ! what ', s that ? sounds too boring ? ok  how about this then : we still have tim allen pull faces for about two hours  but half of them are angry looks and half of them are " i ', m in pain ! " looks ! what ', s that ? that still doesn ', t sound funny to you ? how about if we through in some " ewwwww ! " looks ? still not funny ? if you answered " no  that doesn ', t sound funny "  then ( ding ding ding ! ) you ', re absolutely correct ! for richer or poorer is a moronic farce about a rich married couple ( played by tim allen and kirstie alley ) who seek refuge in an amish community after their bumbling accountant ( wayne knight  best know as newman on tv ', s " seinfeld " ) gets them in trouble for tax evasion . what ensues is a badly scripted and horribly directed 114 minutes of cinema hell . what makes this all wrong is that nobody seems to have what the film needs . . . namely  talent ! backing up  the married couple is brad and caroline sexton ( allen and alley )  a popular snobby duo who seem totally in love to everyone else  but in reality are on the brink of divorce . just as their marriage seems to be hanging from it ', s final thread  brad discovers that his accountant  bob lachman ( knight )  has been engaging in illegitimate deals in the sexton ', s names . the irs catches on  but since everything points back to the sexton ', s and not lachman  there is nothing much to do . . . except run away and join an amish community . first time screenwriters jana howington and steve lukanic give us a couple of chuckle - out - loud moments  and even some decent laughs here and * way * over there  but there is so much to cringe at in this horribly made film that you ', ll likely miss the laughs while regurgitating popcorn . alley is absolutely unwatchable  and the chemistry between her and allen is about as believable as my chemistry homework from tenth grade ( which  i inform you  was total b . s . ) . allen and alley are in no way convincing as tycoons  nor are they very convincing as an amish couple ! this entire movie is one bad ill - conceived notion that should have been curtailed from the very beginning ! the amish in this movie are also flimsy and unconvincing . it ', s such a trite  stereotypical script that i imagine the actors that were cast ( noticing that they ', re all predominantly tv figures ) were probably the only ones they could get ! bryan spicer ', s directing doesn ', t help one bit  either . in fact  listing spicer ', s filmography ( which includes the first " power rangers " movie and the big screen adaption of mchale ', s navy ) is more of an insult than a r ? sum ? ! now that i ', ve pretty much run for richer or poorer into the ground  i will let you in on the best thing about it . it bumped seven films up a notch on my " worst of " 1997 movie list . that ', s right  thanks to this film ranking at number 3 for the year ', s worst  six films are now not seemingly as bad  and a smile like yours  previously inhabiting the number ten spot  now doesn ', t have to suffer the ridicule of making my bottom ten list . if you look at it in that respect  for richer or poorer will end up making someone happy after all !
neg even the best comic actor is at the mercy of his or her material  as this subpar submarine comedy proves . down periscope stars kelsey " frasier " grammer as an inept navy captain who is given command of his own ship as part of a corrupt officer ', s ( james coburn ) plan to get him out of the navy . like any lame emsemble comedy  the officer assigns him to a group of misfits like the guy who wants to be kicked out  the fat guy who eats all the time  the beautiful woman who doesn ', t belong there ( lauren holly )  the second - in - command who does everything by the book ( rob schneider )  the crazy old guy who freaks everyone out ( harry dean stanton ) and so on . then comes the transparent plotline . first grammer has to fix up the delapidated korean war ship the navy has given him  and that comes courtesy a sad sight gag montage that includes a guy with a mop knocking schneider overboard . after the ship is fixed up come the early drills  where everyone seems completely inept  like the electrician who can ', t connect wires so instead lets the current run through himself every time grammer gets on the phone . finally  and this covers the final hour of the movie  grammer has to lead his men ( and holly ) to overcome the other ships in a wargames exercise . and he has to be a clever rebel to do it  in scenes that stretch all levels of believability . first they ', re singing " louie louie " like a bunch of drunk sailors to throw the radar of the other ship off  then thirty minutes later  they ', re making whale mating noises to throw the radar of the other ship off . the whole while  evil captain coburn is overacting underwater  cursing grammer ( as most people watching the movie probably are too ) . it ', s all predictable without any original humor to redeem it . the jokes are right out of " mchale ', s navy " and other cut - rate sitcoms of the past . there ', s one scene where schneider looks through the ship ', s pantry in disgust  holds one food can up and announces  " this expired in 1966 ! " i yelled back at the screen  " so did these jokes . " i watched this movie with the whole family and everyone hated it . my mom was so bored she brought out the coupon book midway through and  around the start of the second hour  i started writing my will . the blame can ', t really be placed on the stars  though . kelsey grammer is good in this  he just doesn ', t have anything to work with . his character is said to have gotten so drunk one night that he had " welcome aboard " tatooed on his penis . grammer probably did something even worse -- got really drunk and agreed to appear in a movie he knew nothing about . same for holley ( save the penis part )  who is likeable in down periscope just because she ', s so gorgeous . as for schneider ( whose character is downright annoying )  there was nowhere to go but up after surf ninjas  although he ', s still in the depths of the comedy ocean after jumping the " snl " ship . my theory is that down periscope is one of those movies that got the green light before the script was even written as a formula comedy ( " okay  it ', s police academy in the navy with frasier at the helm and the chick from dumb and dumber . " ) and after everyone was signed on turned into a disaster . judging from the video box  most other movie critics agree with me . the only quote the down periscope copy writers could dig up came from the prevue channel ', s jim ferguson . i guess even jeff craig from " 60 second preview " ( who said tank girl " kicks butt ! " without ever seeing it ) didn ', t like this .
neg movies don ', t come much more ridiculously titled than " i still know what you did last summer  " but since the movie in question is best described as ridiculous  the title sort of works as a warning . more than a silly - sounding mouthful to blurt out to the ticket vendor  this horror sequel ', s moniker also contains a grievous oversight that anyone who saw the original will be able to spot : what " you " did _last_ summer " you " actually did the summer _before_ last summer  and since " i " knew about it _this_ summer as well as _last_ summer  it ', s really illogical to say that " i " _still_ know what " you " did _last_ summer . the filmmakers would have at least made sense with the shorter " i still know  " the longer " i still know what you did two summers ago " or the appropriate " stupid people getting hacked to bits . " that last suggestion is the preferable one since the characters in this film do things that are the polar opposite of smart . for example  if your roommate is plagued by terrible nightmares as a result of being stalked and nearly murdered not long ago  would you sneak into her room late at night and hide in the closet  even if it was just to locate and borrow a cute little dress ? probably not  but that ', s precisely what college student karla ( pop diva brandy ) does to best friend julie ( jennifer love hewitt )  resulting in the first in a long line of phony frights . julie  you ', ll recall  was one of the sole survivors at the end of 1997 ', s surprise hit " i know what you did last summer  " after a slasher with a grudge to bear - it ', s a _long_ story - began trying to pick off her  her buddies and various others in their coastal carolina village . in this installment  the plot picks up as karla wins a trip to the bahamas  and julie  yet racked by guilt  decides that maybe a tropical getaway will help ease her mind . yeah  right . their island paradise has room  of course  for one more in the form of the still - alive killer ( muse watson ) from the first film . he sports the same gorton ', s fisherman get - up  a heavy hat and rain slicker that mask his identity  but why he ', s still trying to stay anonymous is a mystery this movie never solves . . . though i suppose his hook - hand would look funny protruding from the sleeve of a leisure suit . in a sense  that ', s the movie ', s glaring flaw - everybody knows who the bad guy is  thus evaporating the level of paranoid tension nicely sustained by its prequel . the murders and attempted murders in that film were vivid and scary  but trey callaway ', s derivative " i still know " screenplay makes the fisherman just as dumb as his pretty potential victims . when julie lays blissfully unaware in a tanning bed  giving him a perfect chance to wreak vengeance once and for all  what does he do ? he twist - ties the lid shut and cranks up the uv rays - you ', d think he ', d want her gutted now instead of a skin cancer victim later . even prequel " summer " lovers might balk at how little there is here beyond sporadically amusing absurdity and a few neat - o shots of blood flowing from toned teenage flesh . the innovative gallows humor that scribe ( and " scream " wunderkind ) kevin williamson injected into " i know " ', s unfolding story is sorely missed  replaced with the grating antics of a white rastafarian cabana boy who smokes weed and tosses off slang like " yo " ; you ', ll cheer - not shriek - when he ends up with a pair of hedgetrimmers firmly implanted in his chest . if " i know what you did last summer  " however effective  was just the kind of movie that those subversive " scream " flicks poked fun at  then the deadly " i still know what you did last summer " deserves a full - blown roasting on " mystery science theatre 3000 . "
neg synopsis : a humorless police officer ', s life changes when he befriends a super - smart  super - adorable golden retriever named einstein and a cute  young blond scientist . unfortunately  einstein shares a psychic link with a bigfoot - sized ape - creature trained by the blond scientist to be an unstoppable killing machine  and this rogaine - nightmare is loose and after the dog and the girl . meanwhile  a group of white  chain - smoking  gun - toting nsa agents in sunglasses and business suits tries to kill all the other characters in the movie . comments : watchers reborn  a cheaply made direct - to - video turkey  is the fourth sequel to the first film version of dean koontz ', s bestselling novel watchers . technically  this should have been called watchers v  but it seems that this cycle of horror movies  much like many other sequel - crazy film series  has decided to drop the numbers from the titles . ( even the star trek movies dropped the numbers from their titles after star trek vi . ) the makers of watchers reborn probably want to fool unsuspecting video rental customers into thinking this might be a good movie instead of a crappy fifth installment of a film series which should have died a long time ago . this really isn ', t a good movie . have you ever rented a movie and recieved a sinking feeling about it when you watched the previews preceding the feature presentation ? well  any hope a viewer may have had  perhaps because he is a fan of novelist dean koontz or actor mark hamill  will be dashed by the time he ', s seen the trailers tagged on before the beginning of watchers reborn . they ', re awful . these commercials cover films like a strange stripper movie called shadow dancer  some weird crap about a dead indian  teens  and wolves  and an " action " movie called detonator starring scott baio . scott baio ! what idiot dreamed this movie up ? after surviving these abysmal trailers  the person finally gets to watch the movie he rented : watchers reborn . " maybe it won ', t be * that * bad " he may say to himself . " perhaps  just perhaps  the bottom - of - the - barrel film fluff advertised before it is greatly misleading . watchers reborn  after all  is based on that cool book dean koontz wrote a decade ago . it stars mark hamill -- luke skywalker himself from that terrific star wars trilogy . lou rawls is even in the mix ! " unfortunately  the force is certainly no longer with mark hamill ( he looks very sick here )  and this movie shares only basic plot elements with watchers  the book . the latter is really too bad . koontz is a hack writer producing way too many thrillers for his own good  but he is still my favorite hack writer . koontz has a writing style which is succinct and suspenseful . people who read many of his books  however  often complain of repetitive plot devices . it ', s definately not a koontz book if there isn ', t ( 1 ) a psychic  ( 2 ) a super - intelligent dog  or ( 3 ) a psychotic killer who likes ripping out people ', s eyeballs . watchers has all three devices  which may explain why it ', s arguably the most popular of koontz ', s books . the idea behind koontz ', s novel  though highly implausible  is very interesting . basically  a biological war machine is created : a smart dog can be released in battle  track down its target  and then relay the target ', s position  psychically  to a large creature designed to kill in hand - to - hand combat . silly but kind of neat too . i ', m sorry . i don ', t mean to ramble on about matters not directly linked to watchers reborn  the movie . i suppose i just don ', t want to talk about the movie itself . this turkey is really cheesy . no one in this movie can act  including mark hamill  and it ', s difficult seeing the aged luke skywalker stumble around trying to be the hero . the cheese factor is only increased when he ', s involved in an implied sex scene with the blond biologist / geneticist / zoologist / whatever - the - f * * k - she ', s - supposed - to - be whom he befriends . mercifully  the filmmakers opted not to do nudity . to be honest  the only half - convincing actor in the film is the golden retriever who plays einstein . you know a movie is bad when a dog outacts all of its human counterparts . i find it difficult to relate how laughable the action sequences are in this movie . and the creature ! yes  the creature out after poor einstein is some guy in a furry suit and a mask which poorly imitates the werewolves in the howling . this creature is shot about 500  000 times  but it ', s okay . the creature has the ability to kill people by swinging his arms around and pushing . oh  he can also rip body parts off  allowing for many scenes of fake hands and arms being thrown around . cheesy gore . that ', s another main element of watchers reborn . it has many bloody scenes which are thoroughly unconvincing and only increase the film ', s campiness rather than its suspense . ultimately  i gave watchers reborn a star and a half because bad horror / sci - fi film buffs may get a few kicks out of the film ', s silliness ( though this film will tax even their patience -- it ', s an 83 minute film  but it feels like four hours ) . also  i hate to admit  i have survived far worse than this . anyone who has sat through the christopher lambert and natasha henstridge debacle known as adrenalin : fear the rush will know what i mean . finally  i couldn ', t help but think that watchers reborn would work well as " bot fodder " for the creative folks behind one of my all - time favorite shows  " mystery science theater 3000 . " this thought alone helped me survive watchers reborn with a smile on my face . rated r  watchers reborn contains dozens of blood - spattered bodies and unconvincing gore . it also has violence  obviously . i wouldn ', t recommend it for the little kids  but i ', m sure even young teens would make it through this movie okay . instead of watching this film  however  i recommend reading koontz ', s book . trust me  it ', ll be time much  much better spent .
neg you should have heard the old guys in the crowded bathroom following the " odd couple ii " sneak preview . they were as happy a group of men as i ', ve ever encountered . " what a great movie  " exclaimed one gent at the urinal  " everything was so true ! " " yeah  " laughed a man standing next to him  " i drive as slow as that one guy did . my kids give me holy hell for it ! " " and peeing is a big part of my day  just like with felix  " chuckled another fellow  as he fastened his trousers up around his nipples and prepared to rejoin his wife . if you ', re over 60 and in the habit of driving at least 20 miles per hour below the posted speed limit  " neil simon ', s the odd couple ii " may be just the film for you . others will likely be less charitable . while " the odd couple ii " is amiable enough  neil simon ', s shockingly lazy screenplay feels like a slapped - together tv reunion show  suffering from wheezing situation comedy set - ups and jokes straight out of the borscht - belt . simon  once the toast of broadway  has apparently shifted his sights from the great white way to the neighborhood multiplex in branson  missouri . the contrived story  involving the marriage of their kids  provides the excuse for a reunion between oscar madison and felix unger  who haven ', t seen each other in 17 years . the former roommates fly into california from their respective homes for the wedding and  quite literally  run into one another at the airport . they take off in a rental car for the ceremony in san molina  get lost and have a series of " wacky " adventures on the road . jack lemmon and walter matthau reprise their roles as felix the neat freak and oscar the slob . while there is an undeniable chemistry between the pair  the impact of their reunion is lessened by the fact that they ', ve headlined three films together since 1993 : " grumpy old men  " " grumpier old men " and " out to sea . " still  the two veteran actors are fun to watch . matthau  whose magnificently rumpled face looks like a big pile of laundry with eyes  has a field day as oscar  the crown prince of the curmudgeons . lemmon  looking pastier than usual  is fine as the ever - annoying felix  who still punctuates his chronic whining with occasional allergic honks of " phnah ! phnah ! " despite their bickering  the characters have real affection for each other  providing a welcome respite from the non - stop barrage of insults that marked their previous three films together . unfortunately  matthau and lemmon ', s charm isn ', t enough to compensate for simon ', s hack script  which wouldn ', t pass muster even on a upn sitcom . one contrived situation follows another  lathered with enough stale one - liners to supply a dozen would - be comics on open - mike night at the local comedy club . if someone drags you to this film and you find yourself as bored as i was  try entertaining yourself by counting the product placements . burger king gets one  as does the el pollo loco taco joint  but budget rent - a - car really hits the jackpot . between script references to their business and shots of signs and stickers bearing their company name  i couldn ', t keep count of all the plugs . i did  however  keep track of some of the swearing . i came up with four " god - damns  " three " shitheads " and two " fucks . " the inclusion of those particular profanities seemed odd for a film aimed at an older audience  but the theater full of seniors appeared to have no problem with them  howling like crazy every time the boys let rip with a naughty word . it ', s sad that a writer of neil simon ', s stature has grown desperate enough to resort to swearing for cheap laughs  but not surprising when you look at what else gets passed off as humor in this tepid exercise . one running gag involves oscar and felix ', s inability to remember the name of the town where the wedding is to be held . at one point  the men actually spend 30 seconds just free - associating  riffing off variants of the word " san . " the sequence is so creatively bankrupt that it is simply embarrassing . one of the oldest maxims of film - going is " beware of movies that use the author ', s name in the title . " " neil simon ', s the odd couple ii " is no exception to the rule . while the production has enough minor pleasures to warrant a tv viewing on some lazy sunday afternoon  it has no business playing in a movie theater . of course  there ', s a bathroom full of old guys who would strongly disagree with every word i ', ve written  and would probably whip my " young - whippersnapper " ass to boot . one thing ', s for sure  though . they ', ll never catch me in a car chase .
neg the army comedy genre has never turned out a truly good movie ( if you don ', t count neil simon ', s biloxi blues ) . year after year  more predictably cliched military movies come out -- most recently sgt . bilko -- and none of them ever manage to be anything more than a rehash of the last . i thought stripes would be different . with ivan reitman as director  bill murray as star and harold ramis as co - star and co - screenwriter  it seemed like it would be ghostbusters in the army . instead  it was a bunch of unfunny crap in the army . murray  about as funny and sophisticated here as he was in meatballs  plays a loser cab driver who sees the army as his only chance for success  and convinces his friend ramis to enlist with him . so he does  and we get the obligatory drill sergeant from hell  head - shaving and marching / singing sequences  more mind - numbingly stale here than ever . the characters are even less original  ranging from underachieving slob john candy to incompetent captain john larroquette . all the big name stars in stripes ( and even larroquette ) fall victim to the lame  rehashed material and are never really likeable  murray in particular . he only gets a few decent lines in  although those barely - funny one liners pale in comparison to the hilarious peter venkman character he played three years later in ghostbusters . he was even better in caddyshack  for crying out loud . as with a lot of the late 70 ', s / early 80 ', s comedies  stripes is a completely juvenile movie only a child would like but is so sex - obsessed no child should be able to watch it . i ', m sure it seems funny on paper to have candy pay over $ 400 to mud wrestle five beautiful women  but while watching it all that was coming out of my mouth was the admonition " dear god ! " every few seconds . stripes isn ', t the playful kind of sex comedy  either . most of the time it seems downright misogynistic  as when larroquette uses his telescope to peer into the women ', s showers or murray lifts a female m . p . onto the stove and  with an i - know - what - you - like look on his face  says he ', s going to give her the " aunt jemima treatment  " which means shoving a spatula under her butt repeatedly . you don ', t want to stick around as the scene progresses and he uses an ice cream scoop on her genital region . " i ', m not enjoying this  " the woman protests . my sentiments exactly .
neg " mercury rising " has numerous flaws  but there is one that really stands out : its central plot device is unnecessary . that ', s right . the major aspect of the film  that which is supposed to make it different from other routine government conspiracy / action flicks could be dropped from the beginning  and the movie would turn out exactly the same  if not better . this central device is the fact that a nine - year - old boy is autistic . his name is simon  and an evil government bureaucrat named nicholas kudrow ( alec baldwin ) wants him dead because he unknowingly cracked a supersecret government code slipped into the back of a puzzle magazine by its programmers just to see if someone could beat it . simon is intended to be the heart and soul of the film  and we are supposed to feel for him because he is a poor handicapped child thrown into a violent  unfair world against his will  with only a renegade fbi agent played by bruce willis to protect him . the fact that he is autistic does nothing for the emotional intensity or the plot necessities of " mercury rising . " i suppose the original novel upon which the movie was based did much more with this aspect of simon ', s character and his relationship with willis  but here it is lost . miko hughes  the young actor who plays simon  goes through the prescribed motions of being autistic : he walks slowly  drawls his words  kicks and screams when he ', s touched  and has a hard time looking at other people . it ', s a difficult role for an adult  much less a young child  to play  and unfortunately hughes never convinces us that he isn ', t playing like he ', s autistic . unlike dustin hoffman ', s performance in " rain man " or leonardo dicaprio ', s in " what ', s eating gilbert grape  " we are always painfully aware that hughes is acting . however  unlike " rain man " which used its character ', s autism in unique and interesting ways to build a credible and touching story  " mercury rising " could go right about its generic  predictable plot with simon being simply a really smart but really shy kid . hell  he doesn ', t even have to be shy . in fact  the movie might have been more interesting if he had had a more active role  rather than just being carted around under willis ', arm . willis ', character  art jeffries  is a disillusioned fbi agent who has been removed from undercover work and is now doing menial tasks like listening to wiretaps with rookies who are happy to be doing anything . he becomes involved with simon when he is called to check out a murder scene at simon ', s house  where his father has apparently shot his mother in the back and then committed suicide . of course  we know that isn ', t the way it happened happen because we saw an evil  square - jawed government hitman with a mean - looking crew - cut knock off the parents . simon was able to get away  and jeffries finds him hiding in a secret compartment in a closet  which the rest of the chicago police department had overlooked . jeffries -- who is accused by several characters at different times of being paranoid although his actions never suggest it -- knows there is something more  and he makes it his personal mission to go against everything and everyone in order to protect simon . this is quite a task because that same hitman who knocked off simon ', s parents is crawling everywhere  attempting to kill simon at the hospital  on the highway  and every other place he goes . late in the movie  jeffries is forced to enlist the aid of a pretty young woman named stacey ( kim dickens ) who he meets at a coffee shop . of all the hard - to - believe aspects of the movie  this is the worst . i can believe in the decency of the human heart  but stacey ', s character is far too accommodating . not only does she agree to watch simon while jeffries runs off to solve the mystery  she lets him into her apartment at two o ', clock in the morning when she knows the police is after him  and then lets him leave simon in her apartment which means that she has to forgo a business trip that is desperately needed to pay the rent . the grinding squeals of the rusty plot machine are almost overbearing at this point . the movie might have been redeemed by some good action sequences  but even here " mercury rising " doesn ', t rise to the challenge . the movie was directed by harold becker  who has made some good suspense films including " sea of love " ( 1989 ) and " malice " ( 1993 )  but his talent is nowhere to be found in this latest excursion . there is one fight on a streetcar between jeffries and another hitman ( played by peter stormare ) that is so ineptly directed  shot and edited  that i had no idea 1 ) exactly where they were on the streetcar  2 ) who was hitting who  and 3 ) where this hitman came from and how he knew where jeffries and simon were . the grand finale takes place on the roof of a tall building  and features a harrowing ( yawn ) scene where simon walks along the very edge of the building  not because he has to  but because it ', s more suspenseful that way . taken as a whole  " mercury rising " is an tepid  confused movie that lacks style  wit  and any traces of a sense of humor . usually willis brings his personal brand of understated humor to his roles  but here he is too straight and serious . this is because the movie wants to be an action flick and a heartfelt drama at the same time  but it ends up failing on both fronts . maybe the book was better  but the way it ', s handled here is a perfect case study in formula filmmaking guaranteed to bore .
neg i have never been a " star trek " fan  and  to tell the truth  out of the five films in the series that i have seen ( 1  2  3  8  9 )  i have disliked all of them . i do  however  always go into one of these with an open mind  and the ninth film in the series  " star trek : insurrection  " is no exception . dropping almost completely the hard - core sci - fi element of the previous one in the series  " first contact  " " insurrection  " tells the story of a planet that holds only 600 people  known as the ba ', ku  as well as the fountain of youth . at the start of the picture  the villagers go under attack by a second alien species  known as the son ', a  who want to push all of the ba ', ku out so that their own race will not die out . also attacking the ba ', ku is data ( brent spiner )  a robot from the star trek enterprise . after returning to jean - luc picard ( patrick stewart ) and the gang on their space ship  no one can understand why data was somehow taken over by another force . so several of the star trek members travel down to the planet of the ba ', ku  where picard meets up and starts to fall in love with one of the inhabitants  a sultry  kind alien woman ( donna murphy )  who is over six - hundred - years - old  but looks to only be in her thirties . " star trek : insurrection  " is a completely unoriginal and cheap - looking installment in the series  and is a big step down from  1996 ', s " first contact  " which at least appeared to try to make something a bit different . in  " insurrection  " however  it plays like a low - rent episode of the television show  due to the small - scale  generic storyline  and an emphasis on one - liners rather than excitement . the film was filled with nearly non - stop comedy  and worse yet  most of it fell flatter than a cartoon character that drops off a cliff . meanwhile  when there were action sequences  they were not at all interesting or inventive  relying on that old reliable ticking timer that counts down very  very slowly . this plot device  which is seen in just about every action film made nowadays  is getting old fast . are filmmakers so bankrupt of ingenuity and ideas that they must always have a timer ticking away during the climax ? another element of  " star trek  " films in general is that picard seems to always have to have a love interest  but then she always miraculously disappears when the next film is made two or three years later . although donna murphy  who falls victim to this thankless love interest role here  is actually one of the few characters that we get to know in the 103 - minute running time  alfre woodard was far superior in  " first contact . " she should have returned for this one  but i don ', t blame her for not wanting to waste her time with this movie ', s disappointing and often lifeless screenplay  by michael piller . " star trek : insurrection  " is perhaps the weakest film in the " star trek  " series  although i have not seen what is widely considered the worst  " star trek v : the final frontier . " " insurrection  " is the type of " safe " sequel that will bewilder non - fans  since it is so low - tech compared to most of today ', s blockbuster action films ( although most of these are honestly not very good  either )  and should disappoint the loyal trekkies  since it could have easily been better if the makers had realized that the screenplay needed to go through a few more drafts . on second thought  they probably should have completely thrown the script out . that way  they could have come up with a story that at least had a sign of intelligence and freshness .
neg while the summer movie season approached its long awaited cessation  we had yet another shoddy  subordinate disposable celluloid superhero movie brought on by the inexorable hasten from the major studios to please kids with everything they think kids will go for to disburse their seven bucks . and  once again  we have one of the worst films of the year . the trend of the moment -- and bear in mind it ', s a trend not a movie - is spawn  and if you ', ve seen the animated series on hbo you ', ll recall it embodies the lost life of a disfigured man  an individual who has transpired the ultimate punishment : he ', s been sent to hell . todd mcfarlane  the creator of the spawn comic book  must have had a tough time sitting through spawn  for his creativity and themes about resurrection and loss of identity were all being jettisoned in favor of reliable special effects  style over substance  ambience over anything else . not only does spawn rely entirely on special effects  the story  about a bewildered individual who must take on a group of * bad guys * and * find himself * in the process is realized in such a sordid  incapable manner  it becomes indigestible after a while . every character in this film is lifeless  vacuous and seemingly written by a depressed college student . the story begins  like in every superhero movie in this age  with a man living an idyllic life . al simmons ( michael jai white )  a government agent / assassin shares the love of his wife  wanda ( theresa russell ) and daughter  has a tongue - in - cheek  wiseass partner  terry ( d . b sweeney ) and is content with the job his boss  jason wynn ( martin sheen )  provides him . the next element in the film is the part when things go awry . and as expected  everyone turns the tables on poor al . as the two are investigating their latest mission at some sort of biological weapons plant  al is befriended by jason  and dies in a gory and truly sickening scene . inevitably  it leads everyone to the conclusion that he has passed away . hence  jason ', s mischievous master - mind plan  to ` conquer the world " is just commencing its initial stages  when al makes a pact with satan himself  agreeing to command the devil ', s army to take over the world and he gets to see his family again . so  our pal al has been uplifted to hell  and while his transformation from normal guy to spawn takes place  his ol ', partner terry forms a relationship with his wife . time passes . and now spawn is present in the grotesque inner city  the ghetto where cog ( nicol williamson ) teaches spawn how to utilize his neat artifacts  his motorbike  armor  etc . . . this character is merely a poor man ', s obi wan kenobi without all the mythological hoopla . now the stage is set spawn  the new ` enemy of evil ', vs evil . and evil takes the cake  doubtlessly . john leguizamo ', s deliciously heinous performance as the injurious clown working for wynn is the film ', s relief point . all this anguish  pain  half - baked themes and putrid action scenes are invisible to leguizamo  who steals the show and derives joy from his character  which is basically a compilation of so - so one liners . and then there ', s martin sheen . whichever way you look you will find carving boards near his pitying and downright appalling last two years . his selections calls for an immediate firing of his agent . as the megalomaniac boss  his caricature plays like a bad dream out of a b - movie  scrambled  and left in the shelf to rot . this is the man that starred in films such as apocalypse now and wall street . i ', d never thought i ', d be saying this  but at this juncture  charlie sheen ', s career is in better shape . spawn is a movie in which realism  or even an attempt to draw a parallel between the problems of the hero and real life is identifiable . for most of the film the vapid michael jai white consumes his time ogling  jumping through roofs  and performing all kinds of acrobatic exercises which even batman and robin accomplished better . it constantly reminded us we were watching a superhero movie -- a very bad superhero movie . continually the film kept on depending on special effects  and sadly  this is how pictures are being made . perhaps no other movie better than spawn illustrates the deterioration of cinema through computer wizardry . the filmmakers seem to have forgotten every human element possible . the quality of this film is abysmal and insulting . it is perceptible that director mark dippe  attempted to touch the psychological chord that tim burton ', s batman did touch  the desperation of a man whose life has all but evaporated in one spontaneous act . but bruce wayne had human elements to him . he was pensive  resourceful and had relationships  which made our perspective on him equally human . the character of al simmons seems to be longing for a drastic change  as if he ', s fatigued about being normal . and as all superheroes  batman  superman  the phantom  they must possess an element of normal civilians to make us think they are extraordinary . none of this is present in spawn . the fighting sequences are weakly executed  the dialogue is penny - dreadful and the art direction an odious duplicate of blade runner ', s . as an example of this film ', s vastly creative imagination the writers of spawn decided to include a poor orphan boy who is abandoned and beaten  and then rescued by spawn  so our emotions tend to be a little more sympathetic . admittedly  i did laugh once in the film  and that ', s when todd mcfarlane showed up in an unexpected cameo as a bum . it is no wonder why so american children grow up with no engrossment for art or literature . besides blaming a large portion of it on the laughable school system  i condemn the other part to garbage like spawn . movies that present no admiration  no captivation  no richness and vague interest in what children are being subjected to . and kids will continue to see films like spawn  simply because they are unable to differentiate what makes an imaginative  wondrous film from an insipid and wasteful one . children are not muppets . and spawn unapologetically targets children .
neg it ', s not a bad thing to update old stories . it ', s done all the time in the oral tradition . the difficulty with this film is not that the tale has changed  it ', s that it ', s dry . the new cinderella  danielle ( drew barrymore ) is not sitting around waiting for her prince to come . she ', s a woman of the late twentieth century albeit situated in sixteenth century france . when her father dies  she stays on in his house even though she is mistreated by her wicked stepmother rodmilla ( anjelica huston ) . she works by day  but reads sir thomas more by firelight at night . although the story is updated  you know the plot . danielle meets prince henry ( dougray scott )  goes to a ball disguised  is later found out and they live happily ever after . the movie is often like watching a filmed play . theater in real life is engrossing . theater on the screen is usually lifeless . there doesn ', t seem to be much going on . the camera can be a star of films . here it ', s a co - conspirator . danielle ', s convictions are compromised . a socialist and a feminist  she pretends to be royalty to get her man . a kind woman  her last act in the movie is one of revenge . the most enjoyable characters are the most cartoonish . the fairy godmother stand - in  leonardo da vinci ( patrick godfrey ) is fun to watch as the eccentric old man who advises danielle . huston is enjoyable in her over - the - top wickedness . in all fairness  my companion loved the film . maybe it ', s one of those " chick flicks " that men don ', t like . it is certainly a date film . nearly the entire audience was couples . oh well  maybe it ', s good for something .
neg i suppose it ', s unfair to criticize a movie like hudson hawk  which has been panned by reviewers and moviegoers alike since it ', s 1991 release . michael lehmann ', s action - comedy was quick to win the title ` biggest box office flop of all time ',  or close thereof . the movie stars bruce willis as renowned cat burglar hudson hawk  who ', s just been released from sing sing prison after many years in isolation ( ` let me put it this way  ', he explains  ` i never saw et ', ) . greeting him is his old friend and partner in crime ( played by danny aiello )  who becomes the subject of many amusing fat jokes . these are rather welcome in a movie filled with so many completely unfunny sight gags  cartoonish villains and unbelievable coincidences . it appears as if director lehmann didn ', t know when to stop all the absurd silliness  and he piles on layer after layer of utter ridiculousness as the movie propels itself toward the finish line . if at some point during hudson hawk you make the assumption that things couldn ', t get goofier  you ', ll soon be eating your words . but  i ', m inclined to say that this film is not quite as terrible as it ', s box office numbers suggest . it ', s fast - paced and entertaining  if you ', ve got incredible patience and a warped sense of humor . for the first portion of this review  i ', m going to try and center on the positive aspects of hudson hawk . wish me luck . first and foremost : bruce willis is a good sport . while i ', m not entirely sure what he was smoking when he co - wrote this script  willis is quite aware that the entire project is a big  fat  ugly joke . he constantly gives deadpan reactions to things that are very silly and out - of - place  which means he has more than his share of deadpan reactions . another plus is the appearance of andie macdowell as a schizophrenic nun and love interest for the title character . they meet when hudson goes on a mission to steal a priceless book from the vatican  and their relationship escalates in interest from there . it ', s unfortunate that mcdowell ', s one - note character is used just as an excuse for there to be a predictable plot - twist  and she offers absolutely no encouraging chemistry with willis . but now i ', m rambling on again about the negative things  aren ', t i ? enough of the charade - for the most part  hudson hawk is an excruciating experience . it ', s stupid  pointless and repetitive . i can only wonder what bruce willis fans thought after exiting the theater  because this film really doesn ', t have the potential to please anyone . action fans should take note that hudson hawk is composed of 90 % comedy  and even the action sequences are skittery  rushed and poorly edited . and those expecting a hearty laugh or two will find it difficult even to smirk during all of the headache - inducing hi - jinks . don ', t get me wrong  this film is not devoid of laughs . it ', s too bad most of them are unintentional  or just plain forced . the impressive cast looks suitably embarrassed . it ', s understandable to see willis and aiello in a movie of this caliber  but as for the presence of future academy award winner james coburn i ', m not entirely sure . coburn plays a former nemesis of the hawk who again comes into play  and he looks unsure of his place the entire movie . especially when he resorts to martial arts during the final showdown  and has a fight with willis that would look right at home in a jackie chan film . things get more bizarre when we ', re introduced to his team of rejects named after chocolate bars  including future nypd blue star david caruso as the speechless  card - flipping kit - kat . if that ', s not enough for you  there ', s richard e . grant and sandra bernhard hamming it up as a deranged couple on the brink of a convoluted economic takeover . their crotch - biting pooch provides a couple of the big laughs here . wait  maybe the only big laughs . . . i ', m not sure what kind of movie everyone had in mind when filming hudson hawk . i can ', t even begin to start about the film ', s absurd plot ; but let ', s not get into that . i suppose there ', s some amusement viewers could derive from the ridiculous premise  if they were that desperate . but hudson hawk never even has a clue of where it ', s going from minute one  and from there it ', s 90 minutes of pure cinematic muck .
neg if there were a subject just screaming to be made into a film  it was studio 54  the late steve rubell ', s infamous new york discotheque  which came to symbolize the taboo - smashing excesses of the disco era ', s heyday : easy drugs and even easier sex between everyone  all set to a thumping dance beat . so when miramax started production on _54_ last year  the buzz of hype and resulting anticipation began : an edgy film as down - and - dirty as the club itself  written and directed by a promising first - timer ( mark christopher ) and starring some hot young talent ( salma hayek  neve campbell  newcomer ryan phillippe  and mike myers in his dramatic debut ) . my  how easily does the worm turn . hype turned into damage control when word got out about 11th - hour reshoots ( wrapped only a month ago )  a rash of studio - imposed edits that left virtually the entire cast and crew ( especially christopher ) unhappy  and the very likely possibility that miramax would not screen the finished film for critics . at the last minute  though  miramax did decide to screen the film ( so hastily scheduled was the screening that myers ', s last name was misspelled on the invitation  not to mention the numerous typos in the press notes ) for a media audience that came away noticeably less than impressed  myself included . and with good reason -- somehow  some way  the supremely disappointing _54_ has made the historically hip haven of hedonism . . . boring . although christopher has distanced himself from the finished film  he still must shoulder some of the blame for _54_ ', s lifelessness . _54_ focuses  for the most part  on a tight - knit trio of employees at the club : coat check girl / aspiring disco diva anita ( a wasted hayek ) ; her busboy husband  greg ( breckin meyer ) ; and  most prominently  the fresh - from - jersey shane o ', shea ( phillippe )  who enjoys a quick rise from busboy to head bartender . these characters are about as generic as those descriptions . in focusing on the hired help  christopher really missed the boat . with the exception of the flamboyant  always - woozy rubell ( myers  in a well - modulated turn )  the meaty stories to be told at studio 54 are not the workers ', but those of the people who went there to party ; not necessarily the numerous vip guests  but the wild eccentrics who managed to be picked from the crowd by the club ', s famously hard - ass doormen and dance ( among other things ) the night away with the rich  famous  and infamous ( the only taste of the crowd comes by way of ellen dow ', s feisty dottie  a disco - and drug - crazed granny  but she ', s a peripheral character at best ) . as such  aside from the expected overhead crowd shots  there is precious little actual _dancing_ in _54_ . what is a disco film -- especially one about the pinnacle of the movement -- without the dancing ? even whit stillman ', s _the_last_days_of_disco_  which wasn ', t so much concerned with disco as it was witty dialogue within a group of hip - to - only - themselves club - hopping preppies  featured at least one extended dance scene . dancing isn ', t the only thing glazed over in _54_ -- so is the sex  but that may not be entirely christopher ', s fault . from what i ', ve heard  his original vision was something considerably more dark and daring  starting with the shane character : he was conceived ( and actually filmed ) as a wild  morally ambiguous bisexual  which would have made an efficient springboard to cover the pansexual pleasure palace aspect of studio 54 ', s legend . but somewhere between principal photography and the final cut  shane was defanged and quite literally straightened out ; consequently  so was the film . aside from a brief glimpse of erotic encounters toward the beginning of the film  shane ', s fleeting dalliance with seductive socialite billie ( sela ward )  and an abbreviated bedhopping montage  the sexual dimension is just about ignored . shane  in this incarnation  is sanitized to the point of blandness  an idealistic do - gooder who pines for a frequent guest at the club  julie black ( campbell )  a worldly soap star with  yes  a heart of gold . this tacked - on " romance " would have been slightly less tedious if either campbell or phillippe made some connection with each other or the audience . they fail on both counts . ultimately  _54_ ', s failure comes down to three letters : f - u - n . as in  there isn ', t any to be had for the audience . too much time is spent with the boring shane  and too little is spent on the club floor  where all the action took place . anyhow  though  whatever time is spent on the 54 floor is not used very effectively . when anita finally gets her big break and perform onstage at the club  it should be a euphoric height  for her  the crowd  and the audience ; however  the moment doesn ', t get a chance to reach that level  for it is cut short by a moment of forced sentimentality  which also mars the film ', s conclusion ( one of the last - minute reshoots ) . strangely upbeat and wistful  the resolution is wholly unconvincing and unsatisfying . there is an interesting portrait of studio 54 out there -- two of them  in fact -- but _54_ is not one of them . they ', re on cable tv : a couple of documentaries produced by e ! and vh1 . these two fascinating looks at the club and all the sordid goings - on within it show that there ', s still a great disco movie to be made . the problem is  after the critical and certain box office failure of _54_  the subject may have run its hollywood course .
neg a hotshot lawyer gets an obviously guilty child molester acquitted  and shortly after during the victory celebration gets offered an opportunity to show his prowess in new york city . the lawyer  kevin lomax ( keanu reeves ) is not offered a job yet  he is asked to simply pick a jury . he accepts . the jury he selects work out well and before long he is offered a job with the firm . making his decision easy is the fact that not only is he offered big money  but a gorgeous apartment . he convinces his wife  mary ann ( charlize theron ) to make the move to new york . the first case given to him is a big test ; a " winless " case concerning a man who sacrifices animals in his basement . the charge was health code violations and kevin once again shows his skill and earns an acquittal . his new boss and partner in the firm  john milton ( al pacino ) is quite impressed and takes kevin under his wing  explaining many of his philosophies on law  women and sex  and angles the promise of a blissful  wealthy life . kevin ', s next case is a dream case  given to him by milton himself ( much to the chagrin to his colleagues )  defending a triple murder suspect who has had a history of problems with the law . although kevin ', s career is taking off  his home life is not doing very well . mary ann is starting to have numerous problems . she is experiencing severe depression over kevin ', s long hours  and before long is having horrible dreams and hallucinations of people turning into ghouls  their faces becoming horribly disfigured . kevin does not help matters by dismissing his wife . he does not spend more time with her as he explains to milton that he needs to spend as much time on the case as possible to get it over with  then focus all of his attention on his wife . not helping matters is the fact that kevin is having ideas about a possible affair with a sexy lawyer ( connie nielson ) also working with the firm . mary ann falls deeper into her madness as kevin spends more time away from home . kevin eventually looses control of his life and has to institutionalize his wife  and gets disturbing news from his mother ( judith ivey ) about the mystery concerning the identity of his father . he also starts to lose control of his case . kevin learns that all of his problems have been caused by the work of one man . that man is his boss  mr . milton  a truly evil character who just may be the devil himself . kevin must somehow confront milton and thwart whatever diabolical plan he has in store . but how do you defeat the devil ? why is it that most courtroom scenes in the movies are absurd ? do filmmakers really believe that " normal " courtroom drama doesn ', t fit the bill and they have to juice them up ? the courtroom scenes in this movie would never happen in a real courtroom  which wouldn ', t have been too bad if it weren ', t keanu reeves trying to pull it off . i give reeves credit for trying hard  but throughout the movie i never saw the kevin lomax character  just an actor trying very hard to play kevin lomax and coming up short . charlize theron defines the term " over - the - top " in her performance as mary ann lomax  a disappointment in contrast to her good performance in " 2 days in the valley " . the only good performance in the movie is by al pacino  but i kept asking myself what the heck he was doing in this mess ? maybe he felt it would be interesting playing the devil  and you can tell he is having fun doing so  but his skill as an actor cannot save the poor performances and lackluster script that surround him . it ', s pretty standard stuff  including the fact that the hotshot lawyer appears to be the only competent person on the planet who can do anything right in the courtroom . please read no further if you do not want the ending spoiled  but i have to get something off of my chest . in 1986 i remember watching a movie called " wisdom " with emilio estevez and demi moore  and the ending of that film did the worst possible thing that a movie could do . what i like to call " guess what  it was all a dream " scenario . in " wisdom " the two lead characters are killed at the end  only to have one of the characters " wake up " from an apparent and say " gosh  i ', m glad that didn ', t really happen ! " . i considered it inexcusable the way the audience was toyed with . well  the same thing happens in " the devils advocate "  and although arguments could be made surrounding whether it was actually a dream ( perhaps milton went back in time to try a different route for his plan  since it failed and he is the devil )  but the point is that the last 90 % of the film didn ', t happen . i know it ', s a stretch  after all it is a movie and nothing really happened  but i just get annoyed to get toyed with like that . of course  the dream ending could almost be forgiven if the story that precedes it was at least an interesting one . as i recall  " wisdom " was a decent film . " the devil ', s advocate " is not . the devils advocate directed by taylor hackford john milton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . al pacino kevin lomax . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . keanu reeves mary ann lomax . . . . . . . . . . . charlize theron mrs . lomax . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . judith ivey eddie barzoon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . jeffrey jones christabella . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . connie nielson written by randy turgeon  march 18  1998 .
neg the spy game is up . you can thank charlie ', s angels -- the movie -- for that . when did banality and pandering become okay ? just steal from hong kong  the matrix  and a kitschy tv show from the mid - 1970s and that ', s a movie ? charlie ', s angels is one of the worst examples of action film homogeneity and shameless duplicity in any film i ', ve seen in ages . charlie ', s angels is dumb . just plain dumb . as we all know  three of the hottest females on the planet -- drew barrymore  cameron diaz  and lucy liu -- are three super - agents working for the mysterious millionaire named charlie . they all drive fast cars  look oh - so - fabulous even in the morning  and don ', t seem to get a scratch even when fighting armed men  having buildings explode ten feet in front of them  or flying through the air in matrix slow - motion . and while the entourage spends 90 minutes romping around in cleavage - busting wetsuits  cleavage - busting waitress uniforms  and cleavage - busting wet t - shirts  they scarcely succeed in resembling so much as a group of annoying  drunk sorority girls  the kind who hit on everybody at a party . the actual plot revolves around the ridiculous story of a millionaire computer engineer -- the great sam rockwell -- who gets kidnapped by a mysterious rival computer company . of course  the rival wants control of his new personal identification system  which involves such latter - day buzzwords as gps  cellular tracking  and even mainframe . the amazing crispin glover lends his acting chops as a crazed henchmen involved in all the nasty things that happen to the angels -- like battling each of them in many round - robin matrix rip - off ( again ) fight sequences and harboring a strange attraction to sliced - off locks of the angels ', hair . the coup de grace is bill murray as bosley  serving as charlie ', s manservant  or  more to the point  the angels ', pimp . the rest of the movie comprises a revenge arc  enough costume changes to fill three productions of les miserables  carbon - copy fight sequences that would lend credible evidence to a jackie chan and the wachowski brothers lawsuit for intellectual property theft  and the strange transformation of sam rockwell into mickey rourke ', s long - lost brother . charlie ', s angels starts off with a bang and ends up being a soggy burrito left out overnight . nothing is difficult  plausible  or believable in any of the angels ', actions . it feels like the matrix  mission : impossible 2  and cleopatra jones and the casino of gold all rolled into one . diaz is a knucklehead . barrymore is the " dangerous one  " mean and tough and about as believable as katie holmes in the role . liu is just . . . lucy liu  looking good in a skin - tight black leather suit . the list of movies from which charlie ', s angels is directly lifted is equally astonishing . the writers apparently ran the copier all night stealing scenes from armageddon  lethal weapon ii  all of jackie chan ', s movies  the great escape  saturday night fever  revenge of the nerds  payback  darkman  dr . no  the matrix ( as mentioned )  and even tv ', s friends . it ', s a shame  too  because one of the many screenwriters  john august  was at the helm of last year ', s favorite  go . then again  what can you expect from a director known solely as " mcg . " there is no camp value in the film  no interesting main characters  no invigorating action scenes  no reason at all to waste your time except to ogle the hot chicks and enjoy the performances of a few supporting players . note to hollywood : next time  let ', s leave the tv shows on the tv .
neg i have always been a fan of director neil jordan  from his early work  such as 1984 ', s " the company of wolves  " to 1992 ', s " the crying game  " and 1994 ', s " interview with a vampire . " his latest film  " the butcher boy  " is a return to his roots in ireland  but unfortunately  it is not a successful homecoming . told through the eyes of a 12 - year - old irish boy  francis ( newcomer eomann owens )  this peculiar film follows him as we learn a little about his decidedly unstable life . his father ( stephen rea ) is an indifferent alcoholic  his mother ( fiona shaw ) is mentally ill and always in and out of hospitals  and francis himself delights in terrorizing the mother of one of his friends after he is forbidden to see him anymore . francis is the type of boy who always has a lot to say  but mostly fluctuates between sarcasm and frightening honesty  and it quickly becomes apparent that he may very well be a little psychotic  even capable of brutal murder . the premise of  " the butcher boy  " is one that could have very well been turned into a thought - provoking  disturbing motion picture  but somehow nothing works . francis is in almost every scene  but we learn very little about him  as if the film was distancing itself away from him when  i suspect  we were actually supposed to sympathize with him . this is definately not young owens fault  however  because he gives a brilliantly accurate performance  and is able to also seem menacing as well . the fact that we don ', t get close to his character is because of the sloppy screenplay . the supporting characters are no help  though . rea is wasted  and has practically no scenes where he actually talks to his son  or to anyone else for that matter . he usually seems to just be sitting watching the television throughout . shaw has a little bit more to work with  since she has one touching scene in which she talks to francis in a time of despair  but is out of the picture just as we are beginning to know her . and singer sinead o ', connor appears rather effectively as the virgin mary who occasionally gives francis advice . the pacing is all off in  " the butcher boy . " although the story could have been dynamite  it moves at a deadeningly slow rate  and i found my mind wandering every once in a while . it is also very episodic  because the developments in the story fly by with no satisfying payoffs . at one point  francis is sent away to a juvenile prison  and an odd  possibly sexual relationship begins to develop between a priest and himself  but nothing comes of it . i ', d rather think of  " the butcher boy  " as a brief diversion for director jordan  rather than a total misfire . he has already proven to be a strong director  but he lucked out with this latest film . what could have been a courageous  unsettling character study of an emotionally disturbed young boy  only manages to be an ineffective  uninvolivng bore .
neg as you should know  this summer has been less than memorable . with a total of 4 decent films  it ', s not a surprise that these big budget failures keep appearing . with that said  you can pretty much predict what my opinion on " the 13th warrior " will be . the film is based on the michael crichton " eaters of the dead "  in which ahmed ibn fahdlan is banished from his country for looking at a wife of a king . after tarveling for many months  he comes across a gang of norsemen  who are forced to pick 13 men to protect a town from mythical monsters who travel in the fog . so  they start picking men  and are left without 1  thus ahmed is choosen . so far it sounds interesting right ? not when all of this takes place in 15 minutes . after that  they basically run around killing . that alone shows how much a script is needed for a film  because once your story is introduced  you have the rest of the film to start developing it . obviously that ', s not the case here . even if you are going into the film expecting an action packed adventure  you will be disappointed . since all the action takes place in fog  it is constantly hard to see a scene clearly due to those circumstances  and to poor camera work . can ', t the camera men sit still ? i ', d like to actually watch a film in focus  but again  they failed to deliver that as well . the film moves on and on until the point  where you can care less about anything but the popcorn you ', re eating . with corny dialogue  that the characters laugh at for some odd reason  a script that goes nowhere  dull action sequences  a predictable ending  and worst of all weak characters  there ', s basically nothing to like here  except for maybe the set designs . that ', s the only thing that honestly caught my interest . when i heard that john mctiernan  the director  wanted his name kept out of the project  that made me wonder why ? well now i know . crichton ', s greed forced mctiernan to edit his finished product  which led to a big arguement . what ', s there to argue about anyway ? the film couldn ', t be saved  no matter how much they spent or casted . seeing films like the haunting and big daddy making money  i wouldn ', t be surprised to see " the 13th warrior " become a hit . please do me a favor and save your money at all costs  or else you will be lost in the fog  like the film itself .
neg if i were one of those arrogant critics who thinks his review has some great impact on the success or failure of certain films  i might say that i review movies that don ', t look particularly good because i ', m doing a service to my readers by warning them against seeing it . if that were true  i could put a banner at the top of my site that reads : " shay casey : seeing bad movies so you don ', t have to . " but i know that ', s bunk - you ', re going to see whatever movies you want to no matter what i say . so i have to tell the truth : every once in a while i get a nasty  masochistic urge to see a bad movie . you know the feeling  when you ', re sick of seeing all these damn academy award contenders and you want to see something you can have a ball trashing mercilessly . sometimes i think that ', s why anyone goes to see pauly shore movies  ever . admit it : sometimes you like seeing bad movies . so do i . so i saw " supernova . " truth be told  " supernova " wasn ', t quite as bad as i thought it might be . maybe i just felt sorry for the actors  or maybe i thought it could have been decent if the studio hadn ', t started tinkering with the director ', s ( walter hill ) final cut  causing him to want his name removed . maybe i ', m becoming a softy . in any case  i didn ', t find " supernova " as bad as the advance buzz would have me believe . but it ', s still bad . the film takes place aboard the medical space vessel " nightingale . " the crew includes captain a . j . marley ( robert forster )  his new second officer nick vanzant ( james spader )  head medical officer kaela evers ( angela bassett )  medical technicians yerzy penalosa ( lou diamond phillips ) and danika lund ( robin tunney )  and computer technician benj sotomejor ( wilson cruz ) . there are some attempts at " characterization  " but all that means is that nick has a shady past involving a drug addiction  which puts kaela on edge  yerzy and danika have a relationship that requires them to make kissy - faces at each other every five minutes  and benj ( apparently gay ) is in love with the computer ( apparently female ) . don ', t expect any more explanation  because you won ', t get it . anyway  the crew gets a distress call from a location deep in space to which a failed mining operation had been sent . during the dimension jump ( i think that ', s what it ', s called  but don ', t hold me to it )  the captain is killed and the man who sent the distress signal ( peter facinelli ) is brought on board . he calls himself troy larson  making him the supposed son of a man kaela once had a relationship with . then a bunch of really predictable stuff starts happening . have you seen " alien ? " have you seen " event horizon " ( a lame movie in its own right ) ? good . then you ', ve seen " supernova . " post - production cuts or not  there is nothing original about this screenplay  and nothing unpredictable either . after all  no one ', s going to think for a second that troy won ', t turn out to be a villain . but the bigger problem with " supernova " is that it can ', t just stick to the simple plot it ', s afforded . numerous re - writes ( the script may be credited to three people  but it ', s a gross underestimate ) have crammed this lean 90 - minute film with tons of extraneous plot threads that all remain underdeveloped . was there something about a limping robot shaped like a fighter pilot ? did the ship ', s computer learn something about humanity ? what was that glowing lava lamp artifact troy brought on board with him ? and just what does the film ', s title signify  if anything ? as far as i can tell  it refers to a very small plot detail that isn ', t developed  just like the rest of these unnecessary story elements . character relationships in this film also make very little sense . for some reason  every person in this film keeps having sex . we get an unusually early sex scene between phillips and tunney within the first 10 minutes . bassett and spader ', s characters start off hating each other . fifteen minutes and one bottle of pear brandy later  they ', re engaging in some hanky - panky . when troy the creepy stranger shows up on the ship  of course both female crew members will fall in love with him . every single shift in character interaction happens extremely suddenly  which is only one of the many obvious clues to how much this film has been cut . the most prominent example  however  may be the fact that when the film starts  there are no opening credits ! furthermore  the end of the film looks like they took what were originally intended to be the opening credits and spliced them in right before the real end credits . maybe that ', s why the film ', s title is mentioned twice during the end credits  right between james spader and robert forster . right after you get over the shock of not being told what movie you ', re seeing ( lest you decide to walk out upon making that discovery )  you might notice that the movie seems to have dropped you right in the middle of a scene  with little - to - no introduction to any of the characters or situations . the rest of the movie feels like they skipped over the middle stuff in the character changes ( you know  where they explain things ) and just went from point a to point b . point a : danika is thoroughly enamored of yerzy and is ready to have his baby . point b : tunney is now shagging troy and yerzy is unusually obsessed with the lava lamp thing . doesn ', t make sense . since i didn ', t understand anything about these characters ', motivations  did i care when troy abruptly starts murdering them one - by - one ( and he does  knocking off three of them in about 10 minutes ) ? not a whit . it ', s a shame  because this cast contains a lot of talented actors looking for something to do . they don ', t find it . bassett and spader say every line in the same monotone voice with the same blank expressions on their faces . sexual tension ? more like constipation . maybe they ', re just embarrassed at having to utter such howlers as " this thing was made by someone more powerful than god and a whole lot less nice . " not that we ever find out who that is  mind you . the climax of their relationship ( taking place in a transport pod ) is probably the film ', s biggest forehead - slapper . as troy  peter facinelli inhabits the most obvious villain in history that no one ever suspected . he ', s awfully one - note  but it ', s not as if he ', s given any more notes to work with . the rest of the cast does even less . tunney stands around looking cute  then scared . phillips broods . cruz flirts with the computer . then they all die and a star blows up or something  but i really wasn ', t paying much attention by then . " supernova " is pretty awful  but i ', m cutting it a little slack merely because i expected less than what i got . that ', s it . if you expect it to be good ( for whatever reasons you may have )  you ', ll probably hate it more than i will . even the special effects are fairly unimpressive  nothing you haven ', t seen before  and suffice to say the script isn ', t going to save the film . honestly  though  what do you expect from a film with about a dozen writers and a director who had his name removed and replaced with a pseudonym ? it usually results in a bad movie  and that ', s what " supernova " is .
neg for timing reasons having to do with baby sitters  we recently went to a multiplex and saw undercover blues . i would give it one half of a star for guts . anyone in a movie this bad would have to have guts . i later read a ny times review that said kathleen turner and dennis quaid had gotten so plump they looked like they had the mumps in the show . the script was the worst part . they had characters who talked with funny accents in an attempt to make you laugh . they had lots of " great " sight gags like two people trying to go in a door together and therefore bumping shoulders against the door . turner and quaid both kept smiling like some idiots on a game show . the good news is that we were smart enough to vote with our feet and left . buy some tickets and give them to your worst enemies . tell them the show is great and smile a lot . * * * * = one of the top few films of this or any year . a must see film . * * * = excellent show . look for it . * * = average movie . kind of enjoyable . * = poor show . don ', t waste your money . 0 = one of the worst films of this or any year . totally unbearable . review written on : september 29  1993 opinions expressed are mine and not meant to reflect my employer ', s .
neg the obvious reason for producing a sequel to an immensely popular movie is to acquire continued profits . the rationale is sound  but in many cases of this and recent years  the sequel is a shoddy product that ', s exposed for the cash - milking vehicle it really is . last year ', s speed 2 and scream 2  as well as this year ', s species ii have all been products that have been decisively less than satisfactory . in some cases  a sequel can even discredit its predecessor  as with the latest neo - slasher flick  i still know what you did last summer . whatever uniqueness the original might ', ve had now seems trite and overplayed when paired with this abominable thriller . julie james ( jennifer love hewitt ) and ray bronson ( freddie prinze jr . ) are back from the original to star in i still know  reprising their roles in typical fashion . julie and ray experience a rather predictable falling - out at the beginning of the movie  leaving the door wide open for newcomer will benson ( matthew settle ) . will and julie hit it off  and along with friends karla ( brandy norwood ) and tyrell ( mekhi phifer )  the foursome heads off to a radio station - giveaway vacation in the tropics . unfortunately  things aren ', t so peachy once they arrive  and with a regularity you could set your watch by  the infamous fisherman ( muse watson ) is back with his hook . it ', s another bloody showdown  complete with cliffhanger ending . there ', s not much that ', s original about i still know  and with the market saturated by gen - x thrillers like this one  it ', s unlikely that i still know will get any recognition other than that of a bad sequel . for die - hard fans of the genre  this will be required viewing material  but the bottom line is that the material here is just recycled from the original i know what you did last summer . the aura of thrillerism surrounding the plot isn ', t heightened by skillful scripting or camera work  but rather a tense  string - based score and manipulative editing . the man with the hook ends up becoming very belittled this time around when the script gives him too many lines of dialogue -- he goes from being a scary figure to a nutcase in a few short and painful moments . much of the mystery is dropped for the sake of getting the point . the whole reason the plot exists - julie and karla must guess the capital of brazil in order to win the trip from the radio station - is a dead giveaway  lessening suspense and creating a hurry - up - and - wait timing problem . and  whereas the killer ', s identity might ', ve been a question in the first movie  it ', s almost a given here  which changes the dynamic of the movie drastically . three or four teens run automatically from a man in a rain slicker they nonchalantly refer to as " the killer . " they ', re almost used to it  and the performances show it - not hewitt  nor prinze  nor brandy  nor phifer give a decent show . and so  in the end  it ', s left wide open for a third movie and - most likely - a brand new supporting cast . god help us .
neg i ', m a dedicated fan of writer kevin williamson ', s work . he always finds a clever way to spice up old material with witty dialogue and fresh ideas that stem from his inventive brain . with teaching mrs . tingle  his directorial debut  williamson has reached the end of his rope . what used to be intelligent about his films is hopelessly stale here . the components are all there  including an encouraging premise that all high school students can relate to . but where are the thrills ? the laughs ? both are supposedly absent from this draggy exercise in elaborate revenge . and what a shame that is . i loved the scream films - heck  i even enjoyed the sci - fi goofiness of the faculty . kevin williamson was the reason horror films were such a big draw at the box office . teaching mrs . tingle  a black comedy that will leave a gaping void in his optimistic followers  may put an end to his reign . or perhaps it will encourage him to spend more time perfecting a script than to worry about his directing duties . i still have my faith  but i fear the name of kevin williamson may soon be a forgotten echo of the past . the title character of his pet project is a vicious  uncaring history teacher who is played deliciously over - the - top by british actress helen mirren . mrs . tingle is basically every student ', s worst nightmare : a heartless human being bent on distributing poor marks to even the most hard - working of her pupils . the principal ( michael mckean ) is horrified of her  and she is unanimously despised among her fellow staff members . i enjoyed the fact that everyone in the hallway quickly steers out of her way . mirren ', s performance is one of the very few delights in this distressingly hollow black comedy that goes down like a flat soft drink . in other words  it ', s a poor substitute for williamson ', s best work . the plot is a big problem here . material that could have been enjoyable is rendered totally ridiculous by poor handling on the part of the director . the likable katie holmes plays leigh ann  an over - achiever hoping to get a college scholarship . but typical mrs . tingle says her history project  which she worked on for countless hours  is laughable . later on while studying in the gymnasium  a classmate ( barry watson ) offers her a photo - copied duplicate of mrs . tingle ', s final exam . leigh ann ', s best friend ( marisa coughlan ) encourages her to use it . alas  the old hag herself finds the three scheming  and snatches the test  and prepares to talk to the principal in the morning . in the morning . . . how convenient ! the three students head to mrs . tingle ', s house  attempting to set the facts straight and clear leigh ann ', s name . things get out of hand  and the teacher gets knocked unconscious in a tussle . the plan is to tie her to a bed and try to get some reasoning out of her . of course  not everything goes entirely to plan . besides pointless sub - plots involving the football coach ( jeffrey tambor  horribly wasted )  there is little by way of actual progress . there is no urgency to the situation ; little tension or laughs are involved . the humor is completely inconsistent . after many of the jokes  the theater was so silent i could have heard a fly sneeze . you continue to await some momentum in the story  something that could possibly revive the slow pace . a moment like that never arises . williamson also does a handsome job of wasting some of the key supporting players  including the talented mckean and larry sanders ', vet tambor . and the beautiful vivica a . fox has one lifeless scene as a caring guidance counselor  and then williamson disposes of her character entirely . on the plus side  holmes and coughlan are admirable ( with the latter giving a frighteningly believable exorcism impression )  and molly ringwald has an amusing cameo appearance as a substitute teacher . while everything is pretty lifeless  teaching mrs . tingle remains watchable . there are a few promising ideas that pop up now and again  but anything remotely interesting is squandered by the inane script . mirren is easily the best reason to keep watching . she is convincingly evil and fun to watch  but even her gifted delivery can ', t save individual scenes that flounder in boredom . if there is one word for the movie surrounding her  it would be ` disappointing ', . basically  kevin williamson is his worst enemy here . his uneventful direction prevents any aspects of his screenplay to be appreciated ( not that his writing here is especially good ) . we will see  when rookie screenwriter ehren kruger writes the third installment in the scream franchise this christmas  whether williamson is for real .
neg a film that means well  but is too pushy in promoting its belabored point and too sentimental to be compelling as a drama . it ', s jeroen krabb ? ', s melodrama about a community of jews in antwerp in 1972 who can ', t forget their bitter past . the heroine is an attractive  carefree  nonreligious 20 - year - old  chaja ( fraser )  who wants to forget her jewish roots by getting involved in student demonstrations  screwing a student rebel leader  and living with her gentile friends away from her nagging mother ( s ? gebrecht ) and her self - absorbed  eccentric father ( schell ) . her parents are survivors of the holocaust concentration camps  and her home life is filled with angst . her mother is in denial about the past always busying herself by cooking soup and baking cakes and complaining about everything  while her father is more openly loving but has recently been absorbed in searching for two suitcases filled with mementos  a family album  silverware  and his old violin . he buried them in a garden during the war while fleeing the nazis  but can ', t locate them now due to all the changes in the city . out of frustration after quitting her job as a dishwasher and facing eviction from her apartment  she reluctantly accepts a job as a nanny with an hasidic couple that an old man in her parents ', apartment building  mr . apfelschnitt ( topol )  tells her about . the hasidics are ultra - orthodox : they don ', t go to the cinema or watch tv  adhere to strict dress codes  and strictly observe their religious laws . chaja is at first put off by the way they expect her to follow their rules  but soon finds the wife  mrs . kalman ( rossellini )  to be kind and she becomes attached to one of her 5 children  a 4 - year - old named simcha ( monty ) who doesn ', t talk . the stern mr . kalman ( krabb ? ) is not friendly to her and considers her to be a whore because of the way she dresses . to hammer home the point of how anti - semitism hasn ', t gone away there ', s a barrage of overdone and uninvolving scenes with a sneering concierge ( bradley )  who keeps making nasty remarks about jews and tries to make things inconvenient for them by preventing the jewish family from using the elevator . the film is done in by its ham - fisted script as the story  adapted from carl friedman ', s book " the shovel and the loom  " goes from one false note to another until it gets lost in all the goo of its sentimentality . it starts off telling chaja ', s story of how she ', s a lost jewess trying to find her identity  then to her nanny role as she loves a mute child stuck in an insulated environment  and then it makes it a story about the lingering effects of the bitter past that can ', t be forgotten . the effort seemed heavy - handed  as the film kept delivering too many obvious messages that it ponderously kept delivering through the stock characters . the supporting cast consists of all wooden characters who give their roles a cartoonish flavoring : chaja ', s parents are given no human shades  while the janitor villain was a particularly annoying role that was one - dimensional and falsely acted . the only ones who fought through the script and showed some feelings were fraser  whose effervescent face was expressive of both the trying times she was going through and the joys she felt -- but most admirably showing how she could be so mistaken as to think that she could forget her roots ; while rossellini gave a warm performance of a woman suffering in silence  but is strong in accepting her faith . topol ', s reassuring performance as the wise man who says all the right things to fraser  acts as the true voice of the filmmaker in explaining all the sufferings with common sense . the film brazenly uses little simcha to get across its agenda of pointing out how the patriarchal world can be cruel when it can ', t love : it starts out by showing how under chaja ', s loving care he ', s taken to the duck pond and soon starts jabbering away  beginning by saying ', quack  quack ', and then going on to ask the four questions during a passover seder . but by showing how the boy is so terrified of his strict father that he wets his pants in his presence  refuses to speak because of his stern dad  and eventually becomes the victim of a tragic accident  the film thereby exploits the boy ', s sufferings and his story just becomes tiresome and not sincerely done . i felt i didn ', t just see a movie  but i attended a lecture for the whole 100 minutes of this serious but unappetizing story . it was the kind of movie that you hoped would somehow end soon  as it seemed to be in the habit of rehashing its same viewpoint unnecessarily -- the message it keeps sending was already received . in the last shot where father and daughter are hopelessly digging for the lost luggage  one has the impression that no one in the film learned anything about themselves or the past . that seems strange  since i thought that was what this film was supposed to be about . unless i was mistaken and the film ', s real aim was to make us cry over simcha .
neg the tagline for this film is : " some houses are just born bad " . so i didn ', t expect too much from this . but i had preserved a little spark of ope as i entered the theatre . i thought : liam neeson  cathrine zeta jones and jan de bont . i thought  mabe it will be fun ? and in fact the beginning was rather intriguing . but by the end of it i thought : why liam neeson and cathrine zeta jones  jan de bont ? . these great actors are basically helpless with this muddled mess that defies any rationality . here is the story : in the monstrously over - decorated mansion known as hill house  visitors are tricked by an unknown doctor ( liam neeson ) into being guinea pigs in a fright experiment under the guise of an insomnia investigation . among them is a sophisticated bisexual ( cathrine zeta jones )  a cynical dope ( owen wilson ) and a gentle and emotional lady ( lily taylor ) . actually  the doctor is researching the " primordial fear reaction " and intends to plant disturbing ideas in his subjects and watch what happens . but he gets unexpected help from the house itself . it rumbles  hums and belches forth remarkable sights . portals become veiny stained - glass eyeballs . a fireplace guarded by stone lions gapes like a sinister mouth . filmy cherubic spirits take shape under sheets and billowy curtains . but the computerized spooketeria rarely feels real  placing an emotional wall between audience and screen . the second half of the film is basically about the main heroine running back and forth from the sinister lamps and evil furniture . is that exciting or what ? the worst thing about it is that it didn ', t have to be bad . it ', s based on a great book  `` the haunting of hill house  "''", by shirley jackson . a 1963 adaptation of the book was scary and intelligent . it played with the greatest fears of our sub conscience . " the blair witch project "  that cost less than an old car  managed to shock and terrify the audiences from their senses . and with a $ 70 mill . budget  de bont and screenwriter david self make hash out of a perfectly lovely piece of terror . de bont has a style of filmmaking so out of line with the material that it is  in itself  frightening . he is the master of the extravagant special effect and the big visual adrenaline rush . but why give him a more serious material ? in the end " haunting " will only haunt its fledgling studio ( dream works skg ) and de bont ', s career as a director . yet it wouldn ', t be fair to say that everything is bad . the effects are truly impressive and the house is wonderfully decorated -- beautiful  mysterious  magical and spooky . but this is where the good things end . the music is blaring  the floors moving  the ceiling morphing and the pictures on the walls screaming -- and all of this  every second  every moment of screen time  is absolutely without life . it ', s nothing more than a special effects - extravaganza ; visually impressive  but intellectually hollow thriller that simply doesn ', t engage . at first you do not know what ', s going on . is this part of the experiment ? are these hallucinations ? projections of the subconscience ? paranoia ? but in the end it shows out that this is actually happening . the house is actually possessed . it is at that point when all your hopes for a good entertainment disappears out of the window . for ever  i sat in anticipation for a decent climax and that ', s what i got ? i believe hichock once said that " it ', s better to wait for a climax  than to see one " . this may be true  and it might actually work  but there is only one problem -- jan de bont is not hichock and the things that he shows are not scary  only stupid . they are impossible to take seriously . any paralells that you might have heard before  linking this picture to kubrick ', s " the shining "  are absolutely baseless . " shining " had class  style  story  acting  but most of all talent and originality . " haunting " has only special effects and art direction to boast of . and those elements alone are not enough to make it a good film . casting good actors for small  pale parts only makes things worse . but i guess that no matter what i or other critics say or write  most of you will see this film anyway  even if the tagline would say : " some films are just born stupid " .
neg porter stoddard ( warren beatty ) is a successful architect married to successful fabric designer ellie ( diane keaton ) for twenty - five years . they and best friends mona ( goldie hawn ) and griffin ( garry shandling ) are about to face marital crises in a film most well known for its torturous path to the screen  " town and country . " " town and country " has a pedigree befitting it ', s title with an all star cast photographed by oscar nominated cinematographer william fraker and mouthing the words of screenwriter buck henry ( " the graduate " ) under the direction of peter chelsom ( " funny bones " ) . after years of reports of budget overruns and reshoots and the racking up twelve different release dates  the media has been prepped for beatty ', s next " ishtar . " so  is it that bad ? the answer is no . but it ', s not very good either . the major problem with " town and country " is that it ', s unstructured and random . stoddard is immediately established as a philanderer  having just bedded a flaky cellist ( nastassja kinski ) . next scene finds him and ellie celebrating their anniversary in paris with mona and griffin . then mona spies griffin hustling a redhead into a motel and begins divorce proceedings ( buck henry cameos as both couples ', divorce lawyer ) . ellie thinks she ', s overeacting  but sends porter to support mona on a trip to check out her family ', s mississippi manse . the two childhood friends end up in bed together  making us wonder why they ', d never become a couple to begin with . back home  their second coupling is interrupted by ellie bursting in to tell mona she thinks porter ', s cheating on her . porter goes off on a trip with griffin to sun valley  idaho to have more comic misadventures with wacky women as griffin attempts to tell him that he ', s gay . the four friends  along with every woman porter ', s dallied with  all end up back in new york city somewhat happily ever after . although the film begins promisingly  resembling a woody allen take on new york city wasps  too many strands drift off into nowhere . the stoddard household is huge  containing two adult children ( josh hartnett  " the virgin suicides " and tricia vessey  " kiss the girls " )  their colorful bedmates and a maid who ', s just imported her shirtless boyfriend from the rainforest back home . after an amusing early scene that has porter overhearing three bouts of lovemaking while in search of a nocturnal snack  the six supporting players are dropped except for an out - of - nowhere appearance by the formerly forgotten son . porter ', s romantic misadventures with women ( other than mona ) are equally mishandled . once the marital discord begins  the film seems as if it was editted with a machete  stopping and starting  never regaining its rhythm . while beatty gets off a few tart observations  his character is mostly passive and bemused . maybe we ', re supposed to feel sympathy for an adulterer who doesn ', t initiate his own sex romps ? keaton ', s ellie has a trusting nature that ', s a result of her own self involvement resulting in an unlikeable character . hawn smartly recycles her mature sex kitten wives of " the out of towners " and " the first wives ', club " while shandling ', s relegated to true second banana status . kinski is bland and unmotivated . andie macdowell takes a weirdly unappealing role and does what she can with the screenplay ', s most bizarre subplot  which finds charlton heston as her rifle toting  billionaire daddy and marian seldes as her alcoholic  wheelchair - bound  foul - mouthed mother . heston and seldes are fun  as is jenna elfman as a sun valley bait and tackle salesgirl who brings porter and griffin to a halloween party . oscar nominatored cinematographer william fraker gives the film a nice look  but director chelsom shows none of the quirkily and blackly humorous depth he brought to films like " hear my song " and " funny bones . " the script is this film ', s weakest link - it ', s telling that most of the ( few ) laughs come from old - fashioned physical slapstick and the sight of beatty in a bear suit . while " town and country " isn ', t exactly painful to sit through  it mostly just lays there .
neg * * the following review contains spoilers * * " please someone stop joel schumacher before he vomits into a film canister again and tries to pass it off as a movie . " -- chuck dowling  the jacksonville film journal i wrote the above sentence in my review for 1997 ', s batman and robin . apparently  no one heard my words . oh  how i wish you had heard them . oh how i wish someone had stopped him . . . because he ', s done it again . the plot of 8mm is similar to the 1977 paul schrader film hardcore  a surprisingly decent and engrossing tale . in fact  it was everything that 8mm is not . in the opening minutes of 8mm  we see private detective tom welles ( nicolas cage ) working on a case for a prestigious member of the u . s . government . keep this fact in mind  cage is trusted with an important case  which he solves . he returns home to his wife and new daughter  and even finds time to rake his yard ( keep that in mind too  it ', s important as well ) . he ', s hired by a rich elderly woman to solve a mystery . after her husband ', s death she comes across a film in his private safe . it appears to be snuff film  a sort of urban legend of the pornography industry in which someone is actually brutally murdered for the camera . the woman wants welles to locate the young girl in the film  hopefully to disprove that it is in fact a snuff film . so he sets off on a journey into the sordid underworld of sleaze to discover the truth about the film . the main problem with 8mm is that the whole film is completely pointless . welles is actually selected for the case by the old woman ', s lawyer ( anthony heald  an actor who always plays the same type of character  that being a bad guy ) . when you first see him  your first instinct is that he ', s behind the whole thing . the choice of casting does the film in . then  as welles begins his investigation  at times we will see a shadowy figure following him . the only person it could possibly be is the lawyer ( or someone sent by the lawyer ) because no one knows welles is even investigating anything yet . so your first instinct has now been confirmed . then  when it is in fact revealed that the lawyer is a part of the whole thing  he tells welles that he was chosen for the case because he was young and inexperienced ( in one of those ridiculous " since we ', re going to kill you anyway  why not tell you the whole thing " moments ) . but earlier when we see welles being hired for the case he ', s told that he was hired because he comes highly recommended . huh ? also  when the lawyer reveals himself to be a part of the whole thing  his main goal is to get the film back . so why did he give it up in the first place ? ! the lawyer had the film the whole time  then gave it away to the private detective thinking that he would just give up on the case and return the film ? ! it ', s totally absurd . . . and this is the screenwriter of seven ? late in the film there ', s a confrontation between all the main characters  and after a struggle one of the character ', s guns ends up underneath a car . cage  who has been handcuffed to a bed  is rapidly trying to get to his gun  which is on a table . james gandolfini ', s character goes for the gun under the car in what is supposed to be a scene of " suspense " . you see  the gun is just slightly out of reach from the side of the car he ', s trying to reach it from  and so instead of going around the car to the other side ( where he can easily reach it ) he just keeps stretching . go around to the other side of the car ! ! this goes on for minutes . then  after cage gets his gun  gandolfini then decides it would be best to go around to the other side of the car . boy  schumacher is really really getting on my nerves . i think the final straw would be when cage returns home  devastated by everything that he ', s seen on this case  and then is no longer able to rake his lawn ! we actually see a shot of him pathetically poking at leaves in his yard . other things that bugged me about 8mm : one would be the music  if you can call it that . whenever the score starts up  it sounds like techno music  and then this awful indian or middle eastern type music will accompany it . awful decision there joel . another is cage ', s performance . at this point he ', s capable of a wide range of performances  either good or bad . for 8mm  he delivers a very wooden one  and only shines when he ', s interacting with joaquin phoenix ( who gives a great performance as a porn shop clerk with a heart of gold who helps cage with his case ) . you ', re capable of much better mr . cage . now as for you mr . schumacher . . . i ', m starting to doubt if you ', re capable of anything else besides urinating onto the institution of american cinema . [ r ]
neg there have been bad films in recent years : ', mr . magoo ', was by far the worst ever made  the spectacularly bad ', blue in the face ',  the horrible ', baby genuises ', and now ', i woke up early the day i died ', . it may not however be the worst movie made but it certainly ranks as one bad movie . the film ', s acting ( if that ', s what you want to call it ) is well mediocre to me . loaded with a sensational cast you would think that the cast would at least save the film a bit  boy was i wrong . after escaping from a mental institution ', the thief ', played by billy zane goes out in the real world and finds that it is pretty harsh and gritty . he turns to burglary to survive  robs a loan back  kills the loan officer and runs with thousands . a country - wide man hunt is on for him to catch him and bring him down . he ends up in a cemetery where he puts his money in a coffin to keep it for later  comes back and realizes that someone took it and put it somewhere . now he is determined to kill all the visitors at the funeral earlier that day until he gets his money back  ultimately leading to a finale that is less that satisfying . a film which was based on a ', long - lost ', script by ed wood  i have only one question : no dialogue  only music and movement where exactly is the point ? the film moves along at a rather slow pace  but does have one advantage : the soundtrack which is catchy and vibrant except the first song which can be offensive to some . it opens with a fun  innovative opening credits sequence and quickly goes downhill after that . some of the low points are when ', the thief ', steals a woman ', s purse  and then she faints  sandra bernhard as a dancer and tippi hendren as a deaf woman whom ', the thief ', kills to the music of ', psycho ', . come on people get some new ideas already ! what ', s even worse is that the film has no plot at all . well to a certain extent it does  but who cares by the time the middle of the film arrives we ', re bored out of our mind and ready for something fun and exciting to happen . ', i woke up early the day i died ', is a perfectly bad film . it shows us how low filmmakers get sometimes just when desperate to make a movie . even with the huge cast talent  the film is a waste of my time and certainly a waste of yours .
neg it would be hard to choose the best american political thriller . some people would probably pick the manchurian candidate and others ( myself included ) would pick seven days in may . both those films were tense exercises in chills . the two films came out within two years of each other and both were directed by the same man  john frankenheimer . but that was 1962 and 1964 respectively . for most of the rest of his career frankenheimer has turned out some decent films  but has shown little of the promise that those two thrillers showed . each of those films had memorable characters and a tense plot . they had almost nothing in the way of chases or gunplay . the thrills all came from the plot . ronin is like a film made by another man . somewhere behind all the shooting and explosions and car chases there are the rudiments ofa plot  but we see only tiny pieces of it . we get a clue here and one there as to what is going on but j . d . zeik ', s screenplay is a bit obscure . the film begins explaining that a ronin is a masterless samurai . when a samurai has failed in the job of protecting his master from death  he becomes a ronin  much like a gunfighter in the american west . if you miss the opening  do not worry . this film will explain again what a ronin is . sam ( played by robert de niro ) is the modern equivalent of a ronin . he is a free agent who seems to have really good instincts about how to stay alive the world of a professional killer . he clearly was in a dangerous business at one time and now he seems to be drifting around on his own somewhere in france . sam is recruited from a montmartre bar by dierdre ( natascha mcelhone of the truman show )  an irish woman  to be part of an action to steal a mysterious metal case . dierdre is very tight - lipped about what is in the case . sam joins a team of four others : vincent ( jean reno of the professional / leon and mission impossible )  spence ( sean bean  tv ', s richard sharpe  and also patriot games and goldeneye )  and gregor ( stellan skarsgard of breaking the waves and good will hunting ) . also along is larry ( skipp suddeth ) . the group seems to know their business  particularly sam  but each is in his own way cold and professional with his own field of expertise . their only human side seems to be in tensions among the members of the team . the story is not very easy to follow . it is never clear who is double - crossing whom and who is working for whom . somehow russians ( who may or may not be the russian mafia ) and irish radicals are involved trying to get their hands on a certain metal case . some very good actors are involved in this film . one wonders what they saw in the script . the characters are mostly one - dimensional professional killers . they know their work  and seeing their thought patterns adds some interest to the film  but for this group deep feeling between two people is teaming up with another killer so that neither is killed . by the end of the film we never really got to know anybody . maybe that is the secret of why such good actors took parts  since these are not very demanding characters to create . in addition to the above characters the film also features jonathan pryce and michael lonsdale ( the latter of moonraker and of the superior thriller the day of the jackal ) . as a revival of a sort of action film that was popular in the 1960s  i was hoping that there would be something here to grab onto and enjoy . unfortunately there are no deep characters  and little to make us care who eventually ends up with the metal case or why they want it . i rate ronin a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale . non - spoiler : incidentally  the tale of the 47 ronin has been filmed multiple times  usually under the title chushingura or as the 47 ronin . also one frequently sees in japanese art the image of a man breaking down a door with a huge mallet . this is the first blow of the 47 ronin .
neg the main problem with martin lawrence ', s pet project  a thin line between love and hate  like any fatal attraction variation where the protagonist is a man  is that his character is an irresponsible jerk  and if that is the case  it doesn ', t seem to do anything except justify the woman ', s actions . that is especially the case in lawrence ', s darnell wright . he is one of those macho guys with women lined up a mile long . now don ', t think i condone this just because i ', m male . my philosophy is  if you are one of the few heterosexual males lucky enough to get your hands on a beautiful  kind girl  you should treat her like a princess and respect her . darnell doesn ', t think like this . he sleeps with these girls once and dumps them . and by the period in the film he discovered that his newest target  beautiful  wealthy brandi web ( played nicely by whitfield ) who runs a successful real estate business  is out to kill him for dumping her for his childdhood friend mia ( king )  i found myself thinking  " i ', m supposed to feel sorry for this guy ? " after all  it is largely darnell ', s fault . if he is lining up all these women  you ', d think he ', d have enough common sense to think it would backfire on him one day  as his mother says it does . but he doesn ', t  so you get the sense that he ', s not only irresponsible  but also pretty dumb . you especially get this sense that he ', s dumb after brandi tells him she killed her husband for allegedly abusing her . ( i ', d put my pants on in two seconds after that ! ) now  brandi is a psycho bitch  but it ', s hard not to agree with what she says to darnell during the finale about guys like him treating her like garbage . one final flaw  though  is letting brandi fall for darnell to begin with . brandi is a classy  intelligent woman with an mba from harvard  who initally resists darnell ', s " immature play " as she calls it  as any woman like her would in real life . but all of a sudden she says yes . but when you listen to darnell ', s four letter word vocabulary watch his actions  you wonder why such an intelligent woman would fall for a guy like darnell period  much less have such an unhealthy obsession for him ! lawrence can be good when he wants to  but in order to prove it  he needs to let other people write and direct his movies . look at this movie . four writers  as a result it ', s too long ( two hours  when it could ', ve easily worked at ninety minutes ! ) and it has a lot of subplots and characters that appear and disappear as quickly as they came ( which makes me think the writers didn ', t get along )  all of which isn ', t necessary . there are some bright spots  though . whitfield  regina king  della reese  and bobby brown all do what they can with lazily written parts  and they help it out a lot . and there are some funny parts ( like  for example  the scene where reese attempts to fight whitfeld for harrassing her son and damaging her property )  but they ', re just not enough to sustain the film .
neg capsule : lesbianism examined in the same hushed and reverential tones reserved for a terminal illness . potentially interesting idea made stagy and boring . claire of the moon is such an impossibly serious and sober movie that i was waiting for someone to sneeze  just to break the ice . it ', s a perfect example of what my wife calls an s . f . e . movie  where s . f . e . means so f * * * ing earnest . movies like this need wit and brashness to be absorbing . claire is one strained speech after another  written delivered with all of the energy and spontenaity of a dmv clerk . claire takes two women  claire and noel  both writers  and throws them together in the same cabin at a women - only writer ', s retreat . claire wrights light comedy  while noel is a scholarly authority on porn and sexual behavior . obviously  the two of them are going to have plenty to talk about  and for the entire one hundred and twelve insufferable minutes of this movie  that ', s all they do : talk . the movie sets up its ( microscopic ) plot with beat - a - dead - horse - into - glue obviousness . the evening talks at the camp are chaired by a motherly type named maggie  a self - professed lesbian  and when noel owns up to also being a lesbian  claire looks like she ', s been hit with a sockful of wet sand . the movie then quickly degenerates into lots of scenes where noel glances at claire with significance  and claire looks out over the water reflectively . ( ugh ! ) the most amazing thing about the movie is how people so intelligent can talk so much and yet get so little through their thick heads . all of this  of course  leads up to a scene of complete inevitability : claire and noel  in a scene that should have come an hour earlier  because then the movie ends without even the benefit of reflection about what ', s just happened . we never get a hint about how any of this has changed anyone  only how they felt about things that didn ', t even happen yet . the problem with claire . . . is not lesbianism as such  but the leaden way it ', s handled . why is it that any " serious " ( a better word would be adult or at least thoughtful ) examination of sex in a movie almost always winds up producing a movie that ', s unwatchably boring ? the way this movie deals with lesbianism  we might as well be watching an overheated docudrama about aids . many other movies have used the same subject in ways that are a thousand times better -- more engaging  more creative  more intellectually and artistically interesting . look at john sayles ', lianna  or the interesting and little - seen desert bloom ; both of them have more life and vibrancy than claire . what this movie needed was a good swift kick in the pants .
neg the great actor james woods once said ( and i ', m paraphrasing )  " if sex isn ', t messy  then you ', re not doing it right " . a truly profound statement  and one that could be made for the entire mad slasher genre ( just replace " sex " with " your mad slasher film " ) . for those uninformed souls  the mad slasher genre ( or sub - genre ) is a melding of horror and exploitation elements put to the service of a plot that follows an identical outline : a usually masked but always crazed killer stalks and kills attractive teens a la halloween . urban legend is a mad slasher flick  but one that is so sanitary  bloodless  and nudity free  that with its irony laden dialogue and beautiful ( though not overly talented ) cast  it more closely resembles an overlong wb television special . for film makers  gore is one of the two weapons they have at their disposal in a stale  fright - free horror movie  as stephen king once said ( again paraphrasing ) " if you can ', t scare your audience  gross em ', out  if you can ', t do that  make em ', laugh " . alas  urban legend succeeds only at the latter  though not by intention . i actually find the fact that this film became a minor success ( $ 40 million domestic box office gross ) more frightening than anything in it . it seems that audiences ', tastes have been whittled down to such a degree that any movie even claiming to be scary is given the benefit of the doubt . the promotion for urban legend sure promised thrills  but how can anyone with a three digit iq argue that it provides them . unfortunately  these kinds of flicks will continue to be produced because people no longer have expectations ; one idiotic super - hyped blockbuster flick after another has desensitized audiences to the point where films don ', t need to do anything more than promise a good time without the added pressure of delivering . if anyone disagrees i would love for them to explain the box office successes of shit like batman and robin  wild wild west  and godzilla . but forget all that  it goes without saying that mad slasher films ( or any other exploitation off - shoot ) will be made without an ounce of craft ( especially considering the sheer volume that are produced ) . allow me to present you with the real fault of the mad slasher film : the lack of enthusiastic exploitation . these flicks aren ', t harnessed with any lofty aspirations  so why not break free and give your audience a bloody good time ? sadly out of the literally hundreds made  i would estimate that maybe three are at all worth while . and urban legend would certainly not be included amongst those three . despite its considerable production value and the absence of any boom mics slipping into frame  it is just as awful as any no budget entry in the slasher sweepstakes . as far as the possibility of some good natured exploitation urban legend ', s setting alone offers a myriad of promising possibilities : it takes place on a college campus  which is always an appropriate playground for the crazed killer . you see  the campus is a community made up almost entirely of young people all in the midst of strange hormonal surges percolating beneath the surface . all those young people are growing up together  going through all kinds of inexplicable emotional highs and lows  so naturally some weirdness is expected . all the better for that elusive crazed killer . coupled with the copious amounts of scantily clad coeds running around  and the introduction of a little exploitation into the proceedings should be a relatively easy task . but alas  urban legend is not only idiotic and clich ? ? full ; it ', s way too clean  a slasher flick for the whole family with no nudity  little gore  and much stupidity . this is the kind of movie where the killer drags dead victims from the scene of the crime for no reason other than  i dunno  exercise . it ', s the kind of movie where the villain calmly purses a running - like - the - wind - prey  yet still manages to catch that prey through some really awful editing techniques . it ', s the kind of movie where characters run into each other just as a loud clash reverberates on the soundtrack . i really wish filmmakers would just retire that whole loud - noise - jump - scare thing . yes the audience jumps  momentarily frightened  but wouldn ', t anyone if a loud sonic boom suddenly infiltrated a quiet room . i lost all hope for the possibility of any genuine scares in urban legend about ten minutes in when i caught a glimpse of the killer . apparently filmmakers are running out of creative ways to disguise their mad slashers . in scream it was a ghost mask ( scary enough )  in i know what you did last summer it was a fisher man ', s rain slicker ( in the middle of summer no less )  and in urban legend the disguise sinks to the level of mel brooks parody : the villain wears an oversized parka with a fury hood ( ooh ? ? ? scary ) intended to conceal his / her identity . for urban legend 2 i humbly suggest a donald duck costume . though i must admit  urban legend does have a winning premise for what could have been a somewhat entertaining exploitation film . the film ', s killer slices and dices comely college students to the tune of famous urban legends ( you know  like the babysitter gets threatening phone calls only to find that they ', re coming from inside the house ) . i won ', t spoil the surprise as to what urban legends are used  after all the film does offer fine 2 : 00 am cable viewing if you happen to be intoxicated enough . sad to say  it doesn ', t include my favorite urban legend : a fairly graphic antidote concerning richard gere and a very unhappy gerbil . now that would be scary . before i leave you  i would like to bring to your attention the third most irritating thing about the film ( the first being the lack of craft  the second the lack of exploitation ) -- its characters  all of whom are just about the most annoying group of people i ', ve ever spent an evening with . only jared leto ( looking like a carbon copy of rob lowe from back in the day ) and alicia witt  as the resilient heroine  avoid vexatiousness . the most annoying of the bunch is a tie between noxima girl rebecca gayheart and sitcom star michael rosenbaum  as a supremely irritating lout ( so irritating i actually cheered his painful death  and i am not a cruel person ) . ironically those aggravating sacks of human waste provide the only entertainment in the film ; if viewed as a vicarious fantasy urban legend can be mildly entertaining . after all this is a movie that features the kind of faux hipsters i can ', t stand getting slaughtered  which is at least better than watching an entire film about people i can ', t stand not getting slaughtered .
neg the premise of turbulence is i ', m sure very familiar to us all . we ', ve seen it before in passenger 57  executive decision  and countless other flicks that are good in there own way . you know  terrorists take over a plane  ask the police on the ground for what they what and so on . turbulence starts out with a " convict " ray liotta being accused of a crime . you think there is no way he could have done it  he ', s so open and kind . he is taken in and is subsequently transported on a commerical plane to la . this is already a problem . there is no way that convicts would be transported on the same commercial flight that normal passangers would be on . anyway  it is christmas eve and everyone is waiting to get to la and spend christmas eve there . well  convict one manages to stop the flight in its proverbial " tracks " and liotta  still as calm as ever  takes the other convict out . he also has eyes for lauren holly  a flight attendent  and seems to grow closer to her . " the plot stops here " i didn ', t like this movie because it seemed to be a rip off of every other airplane movie i ', ve ever seen . at one point  mr . liotta looked exactly like jack nicholson in the shining ( i ', m serious ! ) . it was like they stole for every other movie down to a " t " . the only reason i did not give this 0 stars is because it had some okay stunts . don ', t even bother !
neg a movie laced with a good blend of action  comedy  and a heavy dose of musical celebrity guest appearances sounds pretty gourmet  but even the best ingredients can be thrown together in the wrong way  creating a dismal and unsatisfactory product . eighteen years after the blues brothers hit theaters  blues brothers 2000 is being unleashed  minus half of its original duo ( the late john belushi ) and nearly all of its original charm . dan aykroyd reprises his role ( as well as his co - writing credit ) as elwood blues  the sharp dressed con man who wreaked havoc on a self - proclaimed " mission from god " along with his brother jake and their blues brothers band nearly eighteen years ago . as we begin  elwood is being released from a state penitentiary along with the news of his brother ', s death in prison years ago . completely on his own  elwood decides to trace his roots back to the orphanage where he spent his childhood  only to discover that everyone he has ever known has passed away . but elwood isn ', t completely without family . it seems he has a half - brother of sorts - not a real brother mind you  just the illegitimate child of his bluesman pseudo - father curtis ( cab calloway from the first film )  who has also passed on . despite inklings from mother superior mary stigmata ( kathleen freeman ) to do otherwise  elwood seeks out his only remaining family in an effort to start up an all new blues brothers band . working as a police commander  cabel chamberlain ( joe morton )  has an immediate disliking for elwood  who nonchalantly fills cab in on his mother ', s affair years ago and then goes on to steal his wallet . following elwood around is the lonely orphan buster ( j . evan bonifant )  who quickly learns to become a mini - elwood . when bartender mighty mack mcteer ( john goodman ) joins the group  the blues brothers band is complete  and once again  the group travels the country  crashing cars  blowing things up  and obstructing peace with more than just solid blues rock . meanwhile  cab ', s personal vendetta against elwood leads him on an impassioned manhunt for his next - to - next - of - kin . > from this point  the movie turns into a series of music videos with a few bits of acting in between . those hoping for an interesting and / or funny yarn are given too many musical interludes while those heavily interested in the music are given too much of a story . only the extremely avid blues fans should attempt getting thru these two hours . for those people  it may be worth it  for luckily there is much more music than shoddy attempts at acting  but when the story does intrude upon the festivities  the film is heavily bogged down with unfunny jokes  musicians turned stiff actors  and the pointless 10 - year - old buster attempting to add some sort of home alone cuteness to the whole thing . appearances by musical legends such as aretha franklin  james brown  eric clapton  and a whole slew of others are the high points of the film  but they also confirm why these people are musicians and not actors . blues brothers 2000 is deserving of one whole star simply because if you really  really love this kind of music  you might kind of  sort of like this movie . many  many scenes are nauseatingly unfunny  and if you don ', t have a passion for very deep blues / rock  you ', ll be bored out of your skull . much of this film seems nothing more than aykroyd ', s self - serving vanity project  but no matter how much fun aykroyd may be having with this  none of the excitement is passed on to the audience . and seeing three guys in three - piece suits goofily dancing around with poker faces can only be funny for so long . unfortunately  those two seconds are over about fifteen minutes into the film .
neg if only austin powers : the spy who shagged me had been just half as original  zany  silly and totally enjoyable as its predecessor  it would have easily been one of this summer ', s biggest pleasures . if only . in fact  the spy who shagged me is the exact opposite of the original ; instead of refreshing the audience with one clever parody after another  the filmmakers bombard us with used - up  tired jokes taken directly from the first one . take the scene where austin powers ( again played by mike myers  but with only a fraction of the giddy enthusiasm he displayed previously ) confronts a henchmen on the side of a cliff . after being pushed off the ravine  the bad guy is of course assumed dead . but suddenly  we hear a pleading voice coming from down below ; he ', s only injured . a similar scene played very well in the original international man of mystery  but here i was insulted by it . did the filmmakers really believe the audience would laugh at a rip - off ? apparently i overestimated the intelligence of the average movie - goer  considering that the film has pulled in over $ 200 million in domestic theatrical grosses alone . do i hear the sound of a franchise heading our way ? having said that  though  i still cannot deny the film its merits . the basic plot was delightfully silly enough to sustain my interest somewhat ; dr . evil ( mike myers  in the second of his three roles )  having constructed a time machine  goes back to the year 1969 in an attempt to snatch austin power ', s " mojo " ( don ', t you just love that word ? ) whilst he is cryogenically frozen . when austin gets wind of this ( after a great intro explaining the absence of elizabeth hurley ', s vanessa kensington )  he too travels back in time to re - claim his sexual drive  accompanied by the hot - to - trot felicity shagwell  played by heather graham . this sounds stupid  i know  but in the movie it starts to make some kind of weird  off - the - wall sense  and it worked for me . then there ', s mini - me ( verne troyer )  a . . . petite clone of myer ', s dr . evil  exactly 1 / 8 in size . troyer ', s persona alone gains the film an extra half - star  contributing to one particularly hilarious scene where he attempts to nibble on his own mini - mr . bigglesworth . just try to ignore the fact that  at 2 ', 8 "''",  he would make dr . evil ', s height rise to just over 21 feet . no matter . however  there are only about four hearty laughs throughout the entire hour and a half ( the most notable being the now infamous tent scene )  and that just isn ', t enough to warrant even a minor recommendation . if there is in fact an " austin powers 3 "  they should just kill off secret agent powers and put the emphasis on dr . evil and mini - me . unconventional  yes  but there ', s no denying that it ', d make for a better movie .
neg in the series of the erotic thrillers that flooded the videoshelves in the early 1990s came this french - canadian co - production by max fischer . the movie is set in paris where its hero  struggling american author david mirkine ( judd nelson  at the time specialised in playing losers and people at the edge of sanity ) suffers a terrible writers bloc . he manages to overcome crisis after beginning romantic relationship with beautiful model anabelle ( laurence treill ) . unfortunately  she hangs out in jet set circles  which gradually makes mirkine pathologically jealous . her connection with powerful david caravan ( pierce brosnan ) would make mirkine step the line between reason and sanity and put in motion whole series of violent and tragic events . although few pseudoerotic scenes and some elements of the plot do indeed make this film an erotic thriller  drama would probably be more appropriate genre label . pacing of the film is simply too slow to thrill the viewers  and those patient enough to sit through its entirety have to wait a long time between any interesting or significant developments . low budget also becomes painfully visible  and physical attributes of laurence treill are the only thing worth watching in this film . unfortunately  this film has too little of those supposedly erotic scenes  so those who wanted to watch erotic thriller have all the reasons to feel disappointed . instead  they would have to settle with pointless  slow scenes involving nelson  brosnan and laurence treill ', s attempts of serious acting . all of those definitely not worth spending hour and half of someone ', s precious time .
neg here i sit at my computer about to write my review of the recent action comedy " bait " starring jamie foxx and david morse . this is a review i don ', t even want to write because i ', d just be laying the same criticisms on it that i would with any other so - generic - and - predictable - it ', s - beyond - ridiculous piece of hollywood fluff . if they ', re not going to give us  the audience  just a little credit and put something together with half a brain  why should i waste my time and mental energy criticising it ? last summer i took this same approach with my review of " the mummy  " in that review i just quoted phrases my reviews of other sub - par movies . i think i shall do the same thing here but with a few less quotes ( not all are applicable ) . i hope this goes to show you what i think of " bait " and why you can find out all you need to know about it without having to take a wild guess . it ', s genuinely unfunny ( i  and the other audience members only laughed once during the entire two hours )  unoriginal and unthrilling . it ', s not so bad to the point where it ', s fun to watch because of its badness and it ', s no so bad you absolute loathe it and are pained by watching it  it ', s just such a cliche in and of itself  that  uhh . . . lost my train of thought . anyways  here ', s those quotes  enjoy ! " getting an audience ', s attention right from the beginning plays a major role in how today ', s films work . we want to have something exciting to watch  not a slow build - up of a story ( god forbid ! )  and this film plays right into the mainstream ', s hands . . . " - review of " armageddon . " " it ', s clear the film doesn ', t want to waste time on reality and thus the attempt to establish plausability ( the most minimal amount necessary ) comes across as a half - assed effort . supporting characters and shady sup - plots are introduced  but as is the case with films made up of a large cast of characters  only a handful have any real significance . . . there ', s a fine line separating homage from plagiarism . . .  " - review of " godzilla " ( 1998 ) " unfortunately  as is the case with most modern thrillers  once the film showed potential for authenticity and intelligence  the cliches and action sequences take over  " - review of " the jackal . " chad ', z movie page is back after heavy renovation . reviews of nearly all mainstream movies playing today ! get my reviews of everything playing at your local cineplex so you can better make an informed decision on what to see . don ', t forget to vote on my poll and sign the guestbook !
neg tv ', s buffy finds herself on the other side of the supernatural spectrum in " simply irresistible . " sarah michelle gellar  that never - ceasing crusader against never - ending evil every tuesday night on the wb network  here plays a down - on - her - luck chef suspected of dabbling in witchcraft after her flailing restaurant receives help in the form of magically scrumptious meals . taste test results : some vampire slaying  though out of place  would have really livened this excruciating movie up . " simply irresistible " is actually quite easy to deny  a disaster of culinary and other proportions pretty much from the opening on . gellar ', s amanda finds herself falling for harried henri bendel exec tom ( sean patrick flannery of powder ) around the same time she discovers an uncanny ability to mystically manifest emotions in her cooking  a secret ingredient that arouses both his interest in her and the public ', s in her tiny tribeca eatery . all this love and sorcery have a lot to do with the telekinetic crab that also figures into the story  a tale that at times plays like an american spin on 1993 ', s mexican classic " like water for chocolate . " several differences : one  " like water " didn ', t have a telekinetic crab  and two  " like water " was a good film . " simply irresistible  " on the other hand  is about as challenging as an easy - bake oven . amateurishly staged scenes cancel each other out in their badness  from an embarrassing seduction in a literal vanilla fog to an impromptu dance sequence where tom and amanda do their best fred and ginger - though fred and ginger never took part in anything this garish . the intrusive musical score distracts from the flat dialogue at regular intervals  but it ', s not like you ', re were going to miss much . in fact  take away the few instances of salty language and this has made - for - disney channel written all over it . but a majority of " simply irresistible " ', s resistibility factor has less to do with the afore - mentioned overkill than the bland leads - tom and amanda are so thin and ambiguously defined that there ', s just no fun rooting for their inevitable " happily ever after . " nor do the otherworldly powers that serve to bring them together make sense  so we ', re left with a ho - hum relationship based on enchanted eclairs ; it ', s not going to last long  people . perhaps sensing this  the filmmakers have piled on weird supporting characters for acting vets like betty buckley  dylan baker and patricia clarkson  but they don ', t go anywhere either . in fact  nothing in " simply irresistible " goes anywhere save for gellar  and she doesn ', t go somewhere so much as you wish she ', d go _somewhere_ - like to a better movie . already proving major talent with relatively few big - and small - screen roles  she ', s the sole reason this overcooked souffle isn ', t completely fit for the garbage disposal  looking smashing in her todd oldham - designed duds and investing much more in her perfunctory part than she ever gets in return . it ', s certainly a dish best not served in it ', s current condition  but one can only guess that  without gellar  " simply irresistible " would be strictly unwatchable .
neg the 13th warrior reeks so badly of melodrama and poor acting that it carries a worst scent than a canine ', s least appetizing residue . the best part of the film would be a close contest between the closing credits and a brief moment in the middle where the screen goes entirely white and you hope that the film has slipped and caught ablaze in the projector . my vote goes for the ending credits  where you can start trying to put the awful experience behind you . ibn fahdlan ( antonio banderas ) is an important official who is banished from his home for sleeping with another man ', s wife . he encounters a group of norse warriors who convince him to join them on a mysterious journey to be taken by 13 men . fahdlan is chosen as the 13th and last warrior in a moment that is so desperately overacted and overdone that numerous persons at the screening i attended broke out into laughter . the movie proves to be a new low point for banderas  who ', s acting seems closer to that of his role as the lover and caretaker for a dying gay man in 1993 ', s philadelphia  than that of a warrior . in the film ', s supposed pay off scene  he exclaims " i was wrong  these are not men ! "  a line intended to be the most memorable quote of the production . unfortunately  banderas delivers it in a fashion that makes chevy chase ', s career look like oscar material . the film  based on michael crichton ', s best selling novel  eaters of the dead was shot under that name some three years ago  and after numerous rewrites not only does the dialogue seem completely phony  but the plot is incredibly difficult to follow . at the same time  the 13th warrior makes you think about numerous questions . questions like " why do the characters always have perfect lighting on them even when it is pitch dark ? "  " why does no one ever have blood cover both sides of their face  but rather just one side ? " and finally  " will the manager give me a refund ? " 90 minutes into the 103 minute film  a man invites of the warriors " come with me  there is a woman who can help . " unfortunately  there is nothing that could help this film . the most appropriate ending would have been for the 13 men to join hands  form a chorus line  and break into a rendition of " springtime for hitler . "
neg i ', ve heard it called " jaws with claws " and that ', s a fair summation of the plot  though that tag line does little to quantify quality . director stephen hopkins ( blown away  predator 2 ) and screenwriter william goldman ( maverick  misery ) would have you believe that this is an epic historical drama about man against nature  based on what really happened in africa to the railroad workers trying to build a bridge to the 20th century . they ', ve stacked the deck with two big stars ( val kilmer  michael douglas )  a bigger production design  beautiful photography ( by academy award winner vilmos zsigmond )  and a score so overblown that it makes the lion king soundtrack sound like chamber music . the movie doesn ', t make a lick of sense  though  either as an epic or as your basic boo - fest . in fact  some of the bits are so laughably ludicrous that you may think you ', ve stumbled into the sequel to mystery science theater 3000 : the movie . how about the three guys with rifles  who trap a lion and then can ', t even hit the damned thing ? or the ham - on - wry acting of michael douglas  who chews more scenery than the animals ever do ? ? or  my favorite  lions so agile that they can even climb onto rooftops ? ! ?
neg billy crystal reappears in yet another high concept comedy . he tries to infuse some life into it  but it gets bogged down with sentimentality and a lack of sophistication . sammy ( billy crystal ) is a struggling agent at the end of his ropes . he ', s separated from his wife  serena ( kathleen quinlan )  and down to his last serious client . . . in a low - budget film shooting in romania . but in a turn of bad luck  sammy wrecks his car . . . only to be mysteriously saved by a giant ( gheorghe muresan ) . but this giant has a heart of gold . he leads a solitary life  helping out the monks at a local monastery . his only longing is for his long lost love  lilianna ( joanna pacula )  who has since moved to america . sammy  seeing a golden ticket  convinces max to become an actor ( represented by sammy  of course )  and come back to america . and so sam and max bounce from pathetic job to pathetic job  with sammy dangling a meeting with lilianna as a carrot before max ', s nose . but slowly sammy ', s deceptions begin to haunt him . but will he develop a conscience before the innocent max becomes disillusioned . the humor in my giant isn ', t the world ', s greatest . mostly  it falls under the category of " boy . . . he ', s so big ! "  and that can only go so far  no matter how hard the talent tries . still  its slightly amusing parts are longed for when the movie gets bogged down in sappy moments . the film ', s best moment ( and that ', s not saying much ) is a bit part by steven seagal  playing himself . between executive decision and this  all of seagal ', s best roles have been cameos . maybe he should consider a change of work : steven seagal  the character actor ! gheorghe muresan isn ', t a natural actor at all  and his thick cotton - mouthed accent certainly doesn ', t help . in fact the only thing he adds to the role is his immense stature . originally  the concept was designed several years ago for andre the giant . andre also had a hefty accent  but he displayed a knack for comedy in the princess bride . . . something muresan should have studied for some pointers . why does billy crystal continually get caught in these pathetic comedies ? he ', s proven that he can be much funnier than these formulaic films allow him to be  and yet  like a glutton for punishment  he keeps coming back . that doesn ', t mean we have to .
neg movies can do the two big es very well : educate and entertain . in the best of all possible worlds  they accomplish both . on the red planet  they fail entirely . in the near future  a manned mission is sent to mars to observe primitive plant growth . this film does a remarkable job of demonstrating exactly how exciting watching algae grow would be . after some mumbo - jumbo about an ecological disaster on earth and an interminable wait to reach the fourth planet  the ship falls apart almost as fast as the movie does . the ground crew of people you couldn ', t care less about is trapped on the surface without food  water or air and stalked by a deadly rogue cyberdog . the one potentially interesting character ( carrie - anne moss ) spends her time alone in the orbiting ship talking to a computer . attempting to graft " 2001 " esque space mysticism with " terminator " robot horror  first time director antony hoffman can ', t seem to figure out what ', s going on . neither can we . didn ', t he have anyone who could step back from the shooting and make sure there was a coherent story ? couldn ', t he have used the money saved by only having to pay half a dozen actors to hire a scriptwriter ? there are so many mis - steps . every opportunity to create dynamic tension is thwarted by plot holes and lackluster direction . why introduce the theme of faith vs . science if the crewman who could comment on it disappears early only to die _offscreen_ ? the audience begins the film waiting for something to happen . two hours later  they ', re still waiting . despite our greatest hopes  there is no life on the red planet .
neg capsule : an insult . a stupid and incompetent movie that doesn ', t even have the benefit of being trashily enjoyable . weslely and woody would do well to leave this off their resumes . money train is one of the worst movies i have ever seen . it ', s not simply idiotic  it ', s contemptuous of its audience . it tries to make us swallow things that a better movie would be stopped cold by or just plain omit entirely . it ', s a waste of wesley snipes and woody harrelson  who are enjoyable actors in their own rights but are nauseating here . it ', s not even fun as trash . woody and wesley star ( maybe that ', s not the right word ) as new york city transit authority police . they have a job which could actually be the core of a really interesting movie : one of them plays drunk possum to attract chain - snatchers and the other does lookout . i had a whole headful of legal and ethical questions surrounding this  raised by a documentary i ', d seen on the subject once  but the movie does not waste any time with being intelligent or thought - provoking . see if you can follow this . they chase a kid down the tunnel and into the station where the " money train "  the heavily armored car that picks up all the cash from the token books  is parked . the guards on the train see this kid running at them  lift their machine guns  shout " halt ! " and then open fire when the kid doesn ', t stop running at them . blam  the kid ', s dead . then woody and wesley show up  and of course the other ta cops hate them ( why ? )  and a pushing match starts  and someone gets decked  and . . . i covered my face . i ', d seen enough . i ', ve never seen a movie work so hard and in so little time to destroy  systematically  any chance of being credible or interesting . fed up with the bs at their job ( most of it their own goddamned fault )  woody and wesley hatch this plot about how to rob the money train . hence the title  in case some of you ( all two of you ) didn ', t figure it out yet . then there ', s this subplot about a maniac who torches token book clerks  * and * a love story  * and * a holdup -- no  two holdups  sorry  easy to lose track in a movie this braindead -- * and * a mob boss who wants his money . there wasn ', t a minute when i gave a horse ', s ass about any of it . neither woody nor wesley play characters that are interesting for a single minute . we do not care about them . they are not interesting . they are noisy  loud  stupid  foolish jerks who whould have flunked out of the police academy . they deserve to get shot -- or run over  as the case may be . they only exist to rehash the kind of dynamics that was * written * into a movie like white men can ', t jump  and which simply does not exist here . they are idiots  and we ', re expected to root for them . bullcrap . the movie is completely schizophrenic in its tone and texture . what exactly is this mess ? a cop movie ? police procedure is not given a moment ', s genuine thought anywhere . a thriller ? the subplot with the token booth killer is inept  a throwaway that should have been ditched in the rewrite . a comedy ? the few jokes that do work are wasted . a drama ? all dramatic tension between both principals is freeze - dried and off - the - rack . there ', s not a moment in the movie where i felt like i was listening to genuine human beings talk ; it ', s all screenwriterese  that bizarre analect where every sentence ends in a punchline and the primary mode of expression is the unique conjunctions of four - letter words . ( actual dialogue excerpt : " fuck you . " " what ? " " you heard me : fuck * you * . " " no : fuck * you * ! " ) look . i ', ll be honest here . i ', ve tried writing screenplays  and even * i * suspect that if i tried to pitch this mess  i ', d get laughed out of the office . anyone interested in hearing my ideas for a few good movies can write me and hear my pitch  because god knows i know i can do better . i ', ve weasted enough time on this piece of tripe .
neg alexander dumas ', the three musketeers is one of the most often - adapted literary works  and for good reason : the swashbuckler is a legend rather than just a story . perhaps the musketeer  a new film that " reimagines " the novel in the spirit and style of the matrix  is one adaptation too many . it ', s just awful : spiritless  silly and unforgivably boring  transforming the timeless classic into a mish - mash of old - as - time clich ? s and incoherent  repetitive action sequences . this time  d ', artagnan is played by calvin klein model justin chambers  who can ', t even pronounce his character ', s name . as a boy  he watched his father get killed by febre ( tim roth )  a lackey of power - hungry cardinal richelieu . he vowed to have vengeance . after undergoing intense training under an expert swordsman  he goes looking for his enemy . on his quest  he embroils himself in a struggle for control at the highest levels of the french government . the royal musketeers have lost their gusto  what with their jobs being taken over by the cardinal ', s own guards . only a few loyal swashbuckers remain  among them athos and portos ( who are only figureheads in this movie ) . together with d ', artagnan  they fight to extricate the queen ( catherine deneuve ) from the traps that febre and richelieu are trying to plant . oh  and as an afterthought  d ', artagnan falls in love with the poor maid at the local inn ( mena suvari ) . just thought i ', d mention that . now  look : i don ', t know whose idea this was  but whoever is responsible deserves a severe tongue - lashing . i have nothing against " modernizing " classic works of literature - at the very least  they can inspire viewers to actually read the book - but films as dull as this have no positive side effects . director peter hyams  known for such masterpieces of modern cinema as timecop and end of days  has jettisoned everything that was great about dumas ', masterwork : the sense of excitement  cause  and camaraderie . instead  we get impressively choreographed but somehow vacuous  uninvolving action sequences that emerge from emptiness and lead to nothing . when the musketeers finally get to holler " all for one  and one for all  " i could have sworn that was dumas rolling in his grave that i felt . maybe the reason for the utter lack of suspense here is the hyams ', s tone  which is unreasonably dark and brooding when you consider the reader ', s digest condensed version of the story that he gives us . it ', s as though anything that may have been construed as " fun " was purposely expunged from the production . the joylessness of the proceedings  from the oppressively shady lighting to the mechanical fight scenes  can be felt in every frame . chambers can ', t act ; suvari  roth and deneuve can  but aren ', t given the chance . and when push comes to shove  the use of stunt doubles is distractingly obvious  though at least roth gets to play a villain without having to wear an ape suit . some movies seem sloppy and careless  clearly made for a quick buck . with the musketeer we get the sense that it was meticulously crafted to be awful . the film is intricate  stylish and precise  hitting the wrong note every single time .
neg in this re - make of the 1954 japanese monster film  godzilla is transformed into a " jurassic park " copy who swims from the south pacific to new york for no real reason and trashes the town . although some of the destruction is entertaining for a while  it gets old fast . the film often makes no sense ( a several - hundred foot tall beast hides in subway tunnels )  sports second - rate effects ( the baby godzillas seem to be one computer effect multiplied on the screen )  lame jokes ( mayor ebert and his assistant gene are never funny )  horrendous acting ( even matthew broderick is dull ) and an unbelievable love story ( why would anyone want to get back together with maria pitillo ', s character ? ) . there are other elements of the film that fall flat  but going on would just be a waste of good words . only for die - hard creature feature fans  this might be fun if you could check your brain at the door . i couldn ', t . ( michael redman has written this column for 23 years and has seldom had a more disorienting cinematic experience than seeing both " fear and loathing " and " godzilla " in the same evening . )
neg when i first saw the preview for cruel intentions  i turned to my friend and said  " dangerous liaisons for kids ! " it was clear to me that the film would be an obvious chunk of plagiarized nonsense  owing everything it is to stephen frears ', 1988 masterpiece . imagine my surprise to see that writer / director roger kumble has given credit to his source material : choderlos de laclos is recognized for his novel les liaisons dangereuses in the opening credits . and i was impressed . in fact  i was much more impressed with this recognition than with the actual film  which is an appalling excuse for a movie . it ', s kiddie - porn hackwork  complete with earthy sex - talk and fully - clothed hand - jobs . i suppose this kind of movie was inevitable ; with all the teen high - school angst movies coming out  there was certainly room for a pretentious and laughable movie about a bunch of teenagers who think they ', re smarter and more beautiful than all the other people on earth combined . cruel intentions is a mess in every possible way  and it fails primarily in the way i expected it to : i hated all the characters  and i hate everything they do . i also hate ryan phillippe  so perhaps my opinion is not as objective as it could be . phillippe plays ( check out this name ) sebastian valmont . wow . isn ', t that a memorable name ? i could just say it over and over again . sebastian valmont . it kind of rolls off the tongue  in the spirit of phrases like sanguine vapors and velvet sandwich . sebastian valmont is the coolest guy who ever walked the earth ; there is no woman he can ', t have  no material object out of his reach . he has all the money  all the sex -- all at his fingertips . and  luckily  his parents never enter into his life -- no  in the world of cruel intentions  adults don ', t really exist . the ones who do are irritating . sebastian valmont lives with his stepsister  kathryn merteuil ( sarah michelle gellar )  the bitch - queen of the universe  and also the woman every man wants . since these two rich kids are so bored  they only thing they can do is challenge each other with meaningless sexual liaisons . kathryn wants sebastian valmont to de - virginize cecile caldwell ( selma blair )  a naive dork - chick who has somehow wronged kathryn . but it ', s too easy for sebastian valmont -- he wants to nail annette hargrove ( reese witherspoon )  the " paradigm of chastity and beauty . " so  sebastian valmont and kathryn make a deal ( which is too explicit to state here ) . but -- dear god ! -- sebastian valmont actually begins to fall for poor annette hargrove . dangerous liaisons is a great movie because the characters are all believable  and because of its masterful acting . cruel intentions is bad for many reasons  but it lacks both believable characters and masterful acting . kathryn merteuil is simply a hateful witch  a girl so loathsome that i would probably enjoy pouring hot lead on her . she is supposed to be mean  but glenn close gave the character some depth in dangerous liaisons . gellar  while aesthetically pleasing  is one - dimensional and utterly repulsive . witherspoon has a truly beautiful face  but her character isn ', t the moral staple she ', s supposed to be : sure  she won ', t have sex until she ', s in love ( is this really a * moral * issue ? )  but she does some things in the last few scenes that are more than a little reprehensible . but i can ', t forget mr . phillippe  who continues to exceed my expectations with his impenetrable  invulnerable blandness . i have to give him credit and say that he did  in fact  manage to change his facial expression about three times during the course of cruel intentions . and there ', s one point in the film in which he shouts  thereby defeating my hypothesis that he is vocally monotone . true  he is bad  but it doesn ', t help that he has no character to work with . kumble has drained all the interesting aspects from this character  leaving us with a sex - crazed lunatic who is supposed to be sympathetic because he falls in love with a moral flower and shuns the wicked bitch . the film fails in every other way  too . first of all  nobody talks like this . even the " intellectuals " i know don ', t bother with this kind of pointless and pretentious yammering . for a while  the movie looks like it might play itself for laughs  but it ends up taking itself so seriously that there ', s no way we can join it . cruel intentions also manages to come off as soft - porn in more than one scene . earlier i mentioned a fully - clothed hand - job ; this occurs between kathryn and sebastian valmont  both of whom are intended to be hateful at this point in the movie . so  if we hate them  then what ', s the point of an extended sex scene ? titillation  of course . it can ', t even work under the pretense of " meaningful love scene  " because we hate the characters . it ', s interesting to note some of the parallels between cruel intentions and dangerous liaisons . kumble is clearly familiar with the earlier film ; many of the scenes have a similar tone  and there are moments in frears ', film that kumble imitates almost completely ( such as the last scene  in which [ spoiler warning ! ] the antagonist is humiliated in front of her peers ) . but kids don ', t act like this . nobody acts like this . in his translation  roger kumble forgot character development and sympathy -- some pretty crucial elements . the result is a picture of confounding badness  a kiddie - porn mess that thinks it ', s really deep and profound . i ', ll give cruel intentions credit for realizing its influences  but that doesn ', t change the fact that it ', s awful .
neg everyone knows that old rule  ', never work with children and animals . ', in this latest horror flick mimic case  it ', s ', never work with children and genetically enhanced killer animals ', instead  as mimic features both of these and succeeds in doing nothing except mildly engaging the audience . the film begins in new york  where we see children dying from a mysterious disease  which is being carried by cockroaches . dr . susan tyler ( sorvino ) creates a genetically enhanced bug ( the ', judas ', breed )  however  which is designed to kill all cockroaches . the bug does it ', s job  the cockroaches all die  and the terror is gone . ', three years later ', appears on the screen  and we discover that the judas breed is back  bigger than ever  and ready to kill . the spin on this bug  however  is that it can mimic it ', s predator  and in this case . . . . it ', s humans . that should teach us for squishing all those bugs . what should be a roller coaster ride with bugs everywhere  tons of gory deaths and some massive set pieces instead turns out to be a rather subdued  almost boring movie which plods along at a very slow pace . perhaps the movie was trying to be thought provoking  and trying to avoid the ', predator ', type movie it could easily have become . if it is  then the director and writers have made the wrong move  because this is perfectly suited to be an all out action fest . the director  who bought us cronos  a far superior film  directs the film in a calm  and frankly dull movie . there are few exciting sequences  instead just a lot of people talking . if the dialogue was intelligent  then it would be all right  but it ', s sadly babbling nonsense . in fact  the script is embarrsingly weak  and the characterizations not much better . sorvino and company are as 2d as characters come  with the script not bothering to develop them . there is some action in this film  but it ', s directed in such an annoying way  it ', s just infuriating to watch . the camera cuts all over the place  disoreitating the audience  and instead of involving the audience in the action  it merely alienates them . the peformances are o . k  if slightly below average . sorvino is o . k  although she ', s not very good at conveying terror  or anything emotion really . the supporting cast are all sterotypes  with characters such as a big black security guard with a foul mouth  a geeky scientist with spectacles  and what could be the most stereotypical mexican ', old timer ', ever . their reasonable good fun  however . mimic  then  may fail with it ', s story  pacing and characters  but the film does look good . like dark city  mimic is a definite case of style of content . it may be a bit too gloomy for it ', s own good  but the sets look nice  and parts of the film are directed well . but looks aren ', t good enough to save mimic from the depths of mediocre  somewhere where it shouldn ', t really belong . a good opportunity  then  wasted . a shame . overall rating = review by david wilcock ? 1998
neg this movie tries to present itself as the sequel to jan de bont ', s debut as a director  1994 surprise hit speed . but the only thing the two movies have in common is sandra bullock as the female lead . annie ( sandra bullock ) is in the wrong place at the wrong time again . she ', s going on a cruise with her new boy - friend alex ( jason patric )  and of course it is her ship that is kidnapped by john geiger ( willem dafoe ) who has a bone to pick with the shipping line . they sacked him after he got sick . now he wants the diamonds stored in the ship ', s safe for compensation . that actually is the whole storyline . speed 2 could do without dialogues . the movie is all about images and remarkable sound . i don ', t really know why this is called an action movie . except for a few scenes that are vaguely reminiscent of speed this goes along the lines of the desaster movies of the 70ies . first we are introduced to a number of people who are going to be important later on in the movie . then desaster strikes . sandra bullock was said to have been glad that she could take action this time around . i looked for the " action " but couldn ', t find it . most of the time she is part of the decoration . the only time she is part of what happens is when she can have a shot at defusing a bomb and freeing some passengers trapped behind a fire door . now we know that she can handle a chain saw . we also know that fire doors on cruise ships can be cut apart in seconds . the bomb defusal of course goes wrong  but only the furniture is damaged  not our heroes who still are needed . jason patric alias alex spends most of his time flirting with annie  helping other passengers and frolicking in the water . his initial sea - sickness is suddenly gone  because there are ship  crew and passengers to be saved from evil geiger . he does a pretty good job but i can ', t blame keanu reeves for declining this part . then there ', s willem dafoe  the villain  who desperately tries to look as frightening as frankenstein ', s monster . he doesn ', t succeed  though . an untidy appearance isn ', t enough to convince the viewer of his psychopath potential . before he tries again to make us believe he is a dangerous man he should practise for a while in front of a mirror . i can ', t really recommend speed 2 . you will probably like the movie if you like funny situations that aren ', t meant to be funny . especially the showdown  when the ship first runs into an oil tanker and then dissembles a whole village is a treat . there you get to see the most superfluous scene in the movie . in keeping with last year ', s desaster movie tradition a dog is miraculously saved from certain death . a really funny ( and meant to be funny ) scene takes place on the oil tanker right before the collision . some crew members watch two ships colliding in an old movie . had they looked out the window they wouldn ', t have missed the huge ship racing toward them . those of you who still want to see the movie should pick a theater with a large screen and a good sound system to enjoy the visual effects and the phantastic surround sound effects . in an adequately equipped theater it ', s as if the explosion were going off all around you and you can feel the seats vibrate . but the ilm special effects can ', t save the movie . for all the money they could have done better .
neg it ', s tough to be an aspiring superhero in champion city . just ask mr . furious ( ben stiller )  the blue raja ( hank azaria )  and the shoveler ( william h . macy ) . they ', re trying to break into the biz  but captain amazing ( greg kinnear )  the city ', s hero numero uno  hogs all the action . the good captain has his own problems . because he ', s all but eliminated crime  amazing ', s endorsement deals are falling through . the public craves a major slugfest  so amazing engineers the parole of his one - time arch enemy casanova frankenstein ( geoffrey rush ) . frankenstein succeeds beyond expectations ; he captures capt . amazing before setting out on his scheme to destroy the city . so  no one is left to save the day but our would - be superheroes  but their abilities are more " little league " than " justice league . " the raja hurls forks at foes  the shoveler hits them with a shovel  and mr . furious just yells at people ( stiller is doing essentially the same character he played in a guest appearance on " friends " ) . after a painful first strike  the guys hold auditions for teammates and add the bowler ( janeane garofalo )  who carries her dead father ', s skull in her bowling ball ; invisible boy ( kel mitchell )  who can only use his powers when no one is looking at him ; the spleen ( paul reubens )  who blows devastating winds from his rear ; and the sphinx ( wes studi )  a mysterious figure who will teach them to fight . " mystery men " boasts one of the most talented and eclectic casts ever assembled . in addition to those already mentioned  the credits include lena olin as frankenstein ', s evil shrink  comedian eddie izzard and the fugees ', prakazrel michel as disco - themed thugs  singer tom waits as an inventor of superhero weapons  artie lange ( from " mad tv " ) as another thug  claire forlani ( from " meet joe black " ) as a waitress mr . furious is pursuing  louise lasser ( from " mary hartman  mary hartman " ) as the blue raja ', s mother  and actor / magician ricky jay as capt . amazing ', s manager . the cast includes four oscar - nominated actors ! when i saw the list of players early last year  i figured the result would be a can ', t - miss comedy . yet  i must report disappointment . the script is probably the worst of 1999 . nearly every joke misfires . the stabs at comic books are too obvious to be funny . ( for example  no one can recognize capt . amazing in his secret identity because he ', s wearing glasses . ) the fart jokes surrounding the spleen are surprisingly the only gags that work . the cast tries hard  especially hank azaria  whose character adopts an effete british accent while in costume  but the script is just too lame to run .
neg 8mm  written by seven scribe andrew kevin walker  has an interesting idea which is ruined by hollywood formula to become a bog standard murder mystery . nicolas cage plays family man detective tom welles  who is asked by upper class toff mrs . christian ( myra carter ) to investigate an movie found in her recently deceased husbands safe . the movie happens to be an mythical ', snuff movie ',  where the girl featured in the film appears to get brutally slashed . all mrs . christian wants to know if the girl in the film was killed or not . welles agrees  and soon gets pulled into the seedy underworld of porn movies  with video clerk max california ( phoenix ) as his guide . although the ', snuff ', industry hasn ', t really been examined in mainstream cinema  8mm still makes a rather plodding thriller which just seems to be a bit sicker than most . the snuff movie within the movie is certainly disturbing  although the jerky camera angles and grainy image takes some of the shock away . 8mm has the problem of not wanting to shock too much  and apart from a few moments  most of the action in the film is nothing you haven ', t seen from another standard thriller . the cast help towards the entertainment  apart from an hideous performance by the increasingly lazy nicolas cage . while he was fun and breezy in earlier films such as raising arizona ( 1987 )  ever since leaving las vegas ( 1995 )  cage has lost much of his acting talent and appears to be on autopilot  such as in the terrible snake eyes ( 1998 . ) here  in 8mm  he ', s boring  uninteresting and has a dull monotonous voice . and in this overlong thriller  these virtues do not help keep the suspense up . only when cage is onscreen with the excellent phoenix does the film start moving  as phoenix is a true talent . his performance is a great break away from the gloom  and he ', s just purely enjoyable to watch . catherine keener is completely wasted as cage ', s wife  although she delivers a far better performance than her character deserves . her character  though  is hugely underwritten  one of the most wasted characters of the year . also fun is fargo ', s peter stormare as the wildly over the top snuff film director . as this film is written by the person behind seven  8mm is filled with doom and gloom  and no - one appears to know how to use an light switch . unlike seven  8mm isn ', t too clever  and the twist is pathetic and startlingly obvious when it arrives . lacking the strong characters seven featured  8mm ultimately becomes uninvolving plot wise  and relies on the graphic scenes to provide any entertainment . but director joel schumacher  the completely wrong guy for the job  puts style over content  and while the direction and look are good  it ', s just not very disturbing . schumacher also has no idea how to shock and audience  and though we are meant to be looking at the ', dark belly ', of the porn industry  it doesn ', t exactly leave an haunting impression on the viewers mind  which misses the point . also  the last 20 minutes are so hackneyed  so cliched  it ', s amazing to think it ', s the same film you ', re watching . 8mm is far from an success  a ', snuffed ', opportunity . with a boring lead character  ', controversial ', scenes that manage not to be controversial  and a director obsessed with looks  what could have been one of the most shocking films of the year is a dumb thriller . ultimately  8mm is probably worth renting on home video  unless your desperate to see what the snuff film within the film looks like . and trust me  the rest of the 2 hours are not worth it .
neg your first clue that something isn ', t gonna be quite right with the movie you ', re about to see : it ', s heavily christmas - themed and its release date is  oh  say  at the end of february . your second clue that something isn ', t gonna be quite right with the movie you ', re about to see : charlize theron  one of the movie ', s dubious stars  makes an appearance on the daily show in which  when asked if her new movie ', s any good  she replies with the equivalent of a verbal sigh . . . assuring us that  yeah  it sure is a movie  all right ! and there ', s some scenes like those you ', d expect to find in a movie  and there ', s some action . . . and there ', s other . . . stuff . . . too . how to immediately grab my attention : open your movie with five dead guys in santa claus suits . then show a caption reading " six days earlier . . . " ya know  i was honestly interested to find out what killed all those poor santas . . . how to immediately lose my attention : follow your opening scene with a terminally dull nice - guys - who - don ', t - deserve - to - be - in - prison scene . write a line for the one of prisoners like " i just want to go home and eat christmas dinner and watch some ball with my dad . " then  have ben affleck actually say that line  on film  and forget to leave it on the cutting room floor . for good measure  throw in a poorly motivated prison riot and have affleck ', s best buddy stabbed . . . aw . . . and just two days before his release  too . already the cliches are piled on thick  and when it rains  it pours . how to take my attention  dash it violently against the rocks  and make it so that i ', m contemplating my strategy for calling " shotgun " about an hour before i know the credits will roll : deny your characters the ability to think . have ben affleck  for some reason i ', ll never understand  pretend he ', s his dead prison buddy so that he can get his girlfriend  played by charlize theron . have gary sinise show up and force the two of them to participate in a poorly planned casino heist . the villains ', big idea ? kidnap affleck because he used to be a security guard at the casino  force him to tell you where all the doors in the place are  then dress up in santa suits  create some " diversions " and rob the place . on paper  it seems like the stuff of a potential caper comedy  but veteran director john frankenheimer wrongly picks up that piece of paper and thinks he ', s looking at the makings for some sort of clever action - crime thriller . it ', s not like the man isn ', t capable . . . far from it . he ', s the man responsible for classic political thrillers like the manchurian candidate and seven days in may . he wowed me with some the most memorable car chases i ', ve ever seen in last year ', s ronin . but he ', s certainly guilty of churning out some certifiable losers . . . put reindeer games on the shelf of shame with his 1996 version of the island of dr . moreau . step one in making your movie as easily forgotten as possible : cast ben affleck in the role of the world ', s most generic hero . he gets no good one - liners  he doesn ', t get to shoot or implode anything in new and interesting ways  and all we know about him is that he regrets his past as a car thief and wants a cup of hot chocolate and piece of pecan pie . his name is rudy ( short for rudolph  in all likelihood . see  it ', s called reindeer games . get it ? get it ? shut up . ) in the past  affleck has been at his best as a supporting actor  and reindeer games does nothing to further his viability as a leading man . step two in making your movie as easily forgotten as possible : gary sinise ', s villain dresses and looks like the most standard movie crook a filmmaker could have some up with . he ', s dirty and potty - mouthed  he ', s got long  scruffy hair and a goatee  and i fully expected him to walk out of the casino carrying sacks with giant dollar signs on them . he ', s also extremely inept at what he does . he thinks garish cowboy costumes and santa suits make acceptable disguises  and he trusts affleck ', s character to pull through even after  time and time and time again  he tricks him and lies to him and nearly kills him . but instead of tapping into the comic possibilities of this role  sinise seems to think he ', s playing some sort of tough  smart  and smooth criminal mastermind  rather than the complete moron that was obviously written into the script . [ on a side note  gary sinise wins this week ', s " title ! " award  as he ', s the one who gets to awkwardly cram the name of the movie into one of his lines early in the proceedings . last week ', s winner was natasha henstridge for the whole nine yards . ] how to take your bad idea and make things worse : include two or three plot twists that  instead of making the apparently stupidity of the plan seem suddenly intelligent  make the plan seem even more ridiculous and unlikely . this is a bad movie . and what ', s worse is that  except for a few moments near the not - so - stunning conclusion as the preposterous is replaced by the ludicrously preposterous  reindeer games never really gives us the satisfaction of being laughably bad . if they ', d done that much  at least i would have been entertained .
neg carry on at your convenience is all about the goings - on in the factory of a toilet manufacturer  wc boggs ( kenneth williams ) . once they have won an order to manufacture 1000 bidets in two months and charles coote ( charles hawtrey ) has designed a suitable model  the factory employees set to work but are interrupted by union representative vic spanner ( kenneth cope ) and friend bernie hulke ( bernard bresslaw ) who call them out on strikes on the slightest pretext . meanwhile  chief foreman sid plummer ( sid james ) is growing tired of his wife beattie ( hattie jacques ) and her budgie . he would much rather live next door with fellow boggs worker chloe moore ( joan sims ) but once he discovers that the budgie can predict the winners of horse races  he is over the moon and flush with money . his daughter  myrtle plummer ( jacki piper )  is going out with wc ', s son lewis boggs ( richard o ', callaghan ) and this causes conflict on the staff day out to the seaside when vic spanner vies for her attentions . in the end  if the strike does not cease  boggs will have to close down his factory  but the support of a group of women led by coote ', s wife - to - be and spanner ', s mother  agatha spanner ( renee houston )  try to resolve the situation . also  sid realises that his budgie has caused him nothing but trouble since it started predicting horse race winners . there are some good performances  as usual  from sid james and kenneth williams in their standard roles . charles hawtrey is third billing but only appears in a few scenes . his part is mildly amusing . richard o ', callaghan is appealing as bogg ', s stuck - up son  patsy rowlands is funny as miss withering  bogg ', s assistant  and renee houston is terrific in her small part as agatha . however  sole acting honours go to hattie jacques as beattie plummer . although her character is not directly involved with the main storyline  she manages to input a great deal of pathos and feeling into her character . a marvellous performance from a marvellous actress . the film suffers from annoying performances by bernard bresslaw and especially kenneth cope . in his carry on debut  cope overdoes his role as spanner making him so annoying as to be unfunny . joan sims returns as the love interest ( instead of barbara windsor ) . sims ', ', usual ', part as the downtrodden wife was taken by hattie jacques . additionally  bill maynard as fred moore is very poor . this carry on movie tries it best to entertain the viewer : - the locations and wealth of characters are appealing . however  the toilet humour becomes tiresome very quickly and some of the performances leave a lot to be desired . this movie does not know where it is going . it was made in 1971 and talbot rothwell the scriptwriter seems to be in two minds whether to go for ', bluer ', jokes or to maintain the ', innocent ', jokes success of most of its predecessors . that is why this film suffers . a minor carry on film whose major asset is the performance by hattie jacques . the new ', minor - regulars ', such as o ', callaghan and piper are not able to enliven the movie and the toilet humour becomes humourless after a while .
neg the tagline for this film is : " some houses are just born bad " . so i didn ', t expect too much from this . but i had preserved a little spark of ope as i entered the theatre . i thought : liam neeson  cathrine zeta jones and jan de bont . i thought  mabe it will be fun ? and in fact the beginning was rather intriguing . but by the end of it i thought : why liam neeson and cathrine zeta jones  jan de bont ? . these great actors are basically helpless with this muddled mess that defies any rationality . here is the story : in the monstrously over - decorated mansion known as hill house  visitors are tricked by an unknown doctor ( liam neeson ) into being guinea pigs in a fright experiment under the guise of an insomnia investigation . among them is a sophisticated bisexual ( cathrine zeta jones )  a cynical dope ( owen wilson ) and a gentle and emotional lady ( lily taylor ) . actually  the doctor is researching the " primordial fear reaction " and intends to plant disturbing ideas in his subjects and watch ! what happens . but he gets unexpected help from the house itself . it rumbles  hums and belches forth remarkable sights . portals become veiny stained - glass eyeballs . a fireplace guarded by stone lions gapes like a sinister mouth . filmy cherubic spirits take shape under sheets and billowy curtains . but the computerized spooketeria rarely feels real  placing an emotional wall between audience and screen . the second half of the film is basically about the main heroine running back and forth from the sinister lamps and evil furniture . is that exciting or what ? the worst thing about it is that it didn ', t have to be bad . it ', s based on a great book  `` the haunting of hill house  "''", by shirley jackson . a 1963 adaptation of the book was scary and intelligent . it played with the greatest fears of our sub conscience . " the blair witch project "  that cost less than an old car  managed to shock and terrify the audiences from their senses . and with a $ 70 mill . budget  de bont and screenwriter david self make hash out of a perfectly lovely piece of terror . de ! bont has a style of filmmaking so out of line with the material that it is  in itself  frightening . he is the master of the extravagant special effect and the big visual adrenaline rush . but why give him a more serious material ? in the end " haunting " will only haunt its fledgling studio ( dream works skg ) and de bont ', s career as a director . yet it wouldn ', t be fair to say that everything is bad . the effects are truly impressive and the house is wonderfully decorated -- beautiful  mysterious  magical and spooky . but this is where the good things end . the music is blaring  the floors moving  the ceiling morphing and the pictures on the walls screaming -- and all of this  every second  every moment of screen time  is absolutely without life . it ', s nothing more than a special effects - extravaganza ; visually impressive  but intellectually hollow thriller that simply doesn ', t engage . at first you do not know what ', s going on . is this part of the experiment ? are these hallucinations ? projections of the subconscience ? paranoia ? but in the end it shows out that this is actually happening . the house is actually possessed . it is at that point when all your hopes for a good entertainment disappears out of the window . for ever  i sat in anticipation for a decent climax and that ', s what i got ? i believe hichock once said that " it ', s ! better to wait for a climax  than to see one " . this may be true  and it might actually work  but there is only one problem -- jan de bont is not hichock and the things that he shows are not scary  only stupid . they are impossible to take seriously . any paralells that you might have heard before  linking this picture to kubrick ', s " the shining "  are absolutely baseless . " shining " had class  style  story  acting  but most of all talent and originality . " haunting " has only special effects and art direction to boast of . and those elements alone are not enough to make it a good film . casting good actors for small  pale parts only makes things worse . but i guess that no matter what i or other critics say or write  most of you will see this film anyway  even if the tagline would say : " some films are just born stupid " .
neg the title is taken from the writings of ralph waldo emerson describing the life of a traveler as ', anywhere but here . ', there isn ', t one thing about this mother - daughter relationship melodrama that felt honest . it relies on a contrived minor character to tell both mother and daughter what was obvious to do in order to straighten out their dysfunctional lives  as for some reason they couldn ', t figure it out for themselves . if the film looks familiar  that is because " the slums of beverly hills ( 98 ) " went over the same ground but was fortunate to be more comical and perceptive due to alan arkin and natasha lyonne performances  in which they were fortunate to have a much sharper script to work with . alvin sargent ', s script was weak and annoyingly claustral . wayne wang ', s ( " the joy luck club " ) inept direction made a weak script even weaker by his inability to tell the story unfolding without the voiceover relating what the action couldn ', t convey . pushy mother adele august ( susan sarandon ) forces her 14 - year - old daughter ann ( natalie portman ) to leave a small midwestern burg to go cross - country with her to beverly hills . the daughter resents her twice divorced  unstable but exotic  schoolteacher mother  bullying her to be an actress as a means of escaping a humdrum life . the daqughter doesn ', t even like the used gold mercedes mother buys to drive to lala land in and can ', t stand the beach boys records mom enjoys hearing on the car radio . so it becomes a question of who knows best  as the ladies fight it out between them  until the predictable sweet ending comes in this yawner . adele ', s dream of greener pastures in beverly hills soon doesn ', t look that good  as she lands a job in a slum school  has her precious car scratched by the unruly kids  and settles into a job she hates in order to financially survive . daughter pines for small town wisconsin and her friends there . during one of many arguments with her free - spirited mom  they go for ice cream and while mother is being ticketed  she runs away  only to be chased down by friendly traffic cop ( michael milhoan )  who offers her wise counsel . with the cop ', s zen wisdom passed onto the daughter  she will survive living in many different addresses in beverly hills until she reaches 17 and then she plans to get way from mom by using her good grades to go to brown university instead of ucla . during their stay in beverly hills  she grows from feeling awkward in beverly hills high to immediately having many high school girlfriends and even a high school rich boy admirer -- a t . s . eliot ( corbin allred ) reader . but the transition of her life into beverly hills had no feel of reality  as everything seemed staged and unemotional . when she learns her cousin benny ( shawn hatosy )  who happens to be her best friend dies in a traffic accident back in wisconsin  she returns for the funeral and in those reunion scenes it wasn ', t clearly shown why she wants to stay there  and for that matter  it was never made clear why the mother wants to leave so badly . the film is one big battle of wills between mother and daughter over their dreams . i guess what the filmmaker is trying to say  is that mom is a bad dreamer and the daughter is the observant one  able to recognize mother ', s faults when not in growing pains and in need of parenting herself . mother has a series of setbacks  like being dumped by her dream - boat dentist ( bochner ) she met on the beach  and witnessing her daughter mimic her whiny optimistic sayings when trying out for an acting part . but mother learns that her daughter has grown - up and is independent and that she has to stop living her life through her . she learns this when the same wise cop who told ann what to do  is about to ticket her and this time will remind the mother of the right thing to do . this of course results in the corny ending  showing that mom ', s heart was always in the right place  only she went about it in the wrong way . this was just one of those films where you want to be anywhere but in the theater where this film is showing .
neg tomb raider . fun ? exciting ? challenging ? given the unprecedented popularity ( especially among teenage boys ) of the video game that sports an uber - buff  pistol packin ', babe who raids  well . . . tombs  you have to believe it ', s these three things and more ! " lara croft : tomb raider  " the big screen variant of said video game  which features a pumped - up angelina jolie ( the oscar ? winner for " girl  interrupted " no less ) in the title role is  however  none of these things . it isn ', t fun  it isn ', t exciting  and the only challenge is seeing how long you can stay in your seat ( i suffered through to the bitter  bitter end ; the wife opted for barnes & noble at the 45 - minute mark ) . directed by simon west with the same subtlety he brought to " con air  " " tomb raider " is an empty - headed  big budget bore . the story borrows unintelligently from that mother of all turkeys " hudson hawk " ( the same hokum about planetary alignments and sacred stones that  when brought together  well . . . who the heck cares ? ) and it makes " super mario bros . " ( bob hoskins ', ill - advised career move ) look like " rocco and his brothers " ( that classic of italian neo - realism ) . i ', ll go out on a limb here and say i suspect there ', s actually more character development in the video game than the movie proper . this is where the jolie defenders / video game nuts jump in and say this movie isn ', t about character development it ', s about kicking serious butt ( or bum  since ms . croft hails from england ', s green and pleasant ) . with lips  breasts  and biceps all inflated to the max  lara croft is all about posturing  and jolie has a hard time simply standing still without trying to look tough . ok  let ', s forget challenging . shouldn ', t " tomb raider " be  at the very least  fun and exciting ? shouldn ', t our butt - kicking heroine also encompass the sophistication of  say  james bond with the wit of indiana jones ? there ', s no humor to be found anywhere in " tomb raider  " even though it tries hard from time to time . even " the mummy returns " didn ', t take itself too seriously . the villain here is noticeably lacking  the special effects are ridiculously overblown and unnecessarily complicated  and the script is non - existent . to liven things up ( perhaps )  jolie ', s live father jon voight puts in a few minutes as lara ', s dead father lord croft ; talk about a stretch . one thing i hadn ', t expected from the film is that jolie affects a slightly better english accent than her pa ( although i suspect that thin - looking moustache he ', s forced to wear gets in the way some ) . unsuccessful ? not entirely . if anything  " lara croft : tomb raider " makes you want to check out the video game itself to figure out exactly what all the fuss was about .
neg walt disney studios may have finally met its match with the lush animation in twentieth century fox ', s anastasia . but judging by the latest efforts from the don bluth studios  the visuals are the only thing fox has to brag about . disney ', s recent classics have occasionally stretched credibility in such films as pocahontas  the hunchback of notre dame  and to a lesser extent  hercules . with anastasia  fox has gone so far as to throw all facts completely out the window . some may say - so what ? it ', s just a kid ', s movie . well . . . if you have young kids  beware  as they may be noticeably frightened by the visuals of a corpse - rotting rasputin zombie  whose body parts continually fall off in a disconcertingly real way . consider yourselves warned . nevertheless  the animation is quite stunning at times . don bluth has used computer animation extensively throughout  occasionally rivalling photographic quality . and yet in other scenes  the hand - drawn material seems of the saturday - morning tv crowd  which leads me to wonder . . . was this rushed to market to combat disney ? the plot  as anyone who had read history before knows  concerns the attempt to return anastasia to her royal family after she was lost in the overthrow of the romanovs in 1916 . not that anastasia is much concerned with what really happened . as for the plot --- go rent disney ', s candleshoe . you ', ll see 60 % of anastasia there .
neg here ', s something to chew on : what ', s the favorite food of big  cheesy - looking special effects monsters like the one lurking in the bowels of a luxury liner in deep rising ? the obvious answer to this question is cardboard  because that ', s the depth of the most fully - developed character in this painfully generic creature feature . deep rising demonstrates all the originality and vitality of something scripted by a computer . in fact  considering the rigid adherence to the expected formulas  perhaps it was . the most astonishing thing about deep rising is the exceptionally high level of gore . not since starship troopers have this many chunks of flesh ( both human and non - human ) been scattered in all directions . we learn some bloody trivia  as well  such as how a sea monster spraypaints in red ( it drinks a human being then spits out the liquefied remains ) and what it does with half - digested leftovers . i suppose deep rising ', s gallery of grotesque images represents fun stuff for those who love the macabre  but it doesn ', t do much for me . on the surface  and that ', s about the only level at which this film can be analyzed  deep rising feels like tremors grafted onto titanic ( everyone else is citing the equally valid aliens / titanic connection  since james cameron directed both ) . in going for the big disaster angle of titanic and the tongue - in - cheek mayhem of tremors  deep rising somehow misses both marks by a wide margin . the film is not humorous  tense  or exciting . in fact  it ', s downright boring  and  despite being half the length of cameron ', s current box - office champ  deep rising feels like the longer movie . is it really necessary to say anything about the plot ? probably not  since it ', s easy to guess  but i ', ll go ahead and oblige anyone who wants a synopsis . the film opens by introducing us to a gang of bad guys on board a mercenary ship . in addition to the usual cast of psychopaths and lunatics  there ', s finnegan ( treat williams )  the boat ', s pilot  who ', s supposed to be an indiana jones knockoff ; joey ( kevin j . o ', connor )  the inept sidekick who ', s supposed to be lovable and funny ( but is really just irritating ) ; and hanover ( wes studi )  the " mastermind " ( and i use that term lightly ) of the operation . their goal : attack a cruise ship  clean out the safe  then sink it using some illegally - acquired torpedoes . the problem is  by the time they reach the argonautica  the titanic - like luxury liner has turned into the marie celeste . aside from a beautiful jewel thief ( famke janssen ) and a couple of crew members  there ', s no one on board . the reason soon becomes obvious -- the ship has been taken over by a bad special effect that is supposed to resemble an octopus with teeth and more than eight tentacles . the cast  which is led by treat williams  is primarily comprised of has - beens and probably - never - will - bes ( two exceptions : wes studi  best known as the villain in the last of the mohicans  and djimon hounsou  amistad ', s cinque ) . williams  once a " can ', t miss " prospect in hollywood  has fallen so far out of favor that the best he can do these days for a lead role is a film like deep rising  and his inability to create a charismatic or interesting figure here may sink whatever is left of his sputtering career . famke janssen  who will forever be known as xenia onatopp from goldeneye  is the perfect bland match for williams . given her limited acting abilities  it ', s likely that she was chosen for this part primarily on the basis of her physical attributes . unfortunately  a bra defeats the purpose of having her in a wet tee - shirt for half of the picture . meanwhile  kevin j . o ', connor  who has entirely too much screen time  exhibits all the appeal of fingernails scratching a blackboard . these days  audiences are becoming more difficult to impress with computer - generated special effects . this is a lesson that writer / director stephen sommers ( who previously helmed the live - action jungle book ) needs to learn . the days of jurassic park  when viewers were astounded by the mere spectacle of seeing something big and imposing on screen  are past . now  movie - goers are looking for the sophistication of titanic -- visuals that are so well - incorporated that it ', s impossible to tell where they end and where " reality " begins . in deep rising  the monster  like everything  is artificial and unconvincing . unfortunately  the fundamental problem audiences are faced with here isn ', t so much the idiotic monotony of this individual picture  but the poor quality of the entire bankrupt genre ( although  to be fair  deep rising is a particularly bad entry ) . even once this film has sunk out of sight  the knowledgeable viewer knows it won ', t be the last of its kind . like the slimy  slithering things that inhabit the air vents and pipes of these movies  more are waiting just around the corner in ambush . and that consideration  unlike anything on screen  is truly horrifying .
neg this is an adaptation of h . g . wells ', acclaimed novel ', the invisible man ', . the actors are kevin beacon and elizabeth shue . the director is paul verhoven . that  plus a quick demonstration of the amazing special effects in the trailer  should be enough to lure us into the theatre . the problem is to keep us there . i can ', t imagine anyone who would like to see this movie a second time . working on a top secret military project  sebastian caine ( kevin beacon ) -- an eccentric genius  that calls himself " god "  has discovered the secret to invisibility . the first two faces are completed . now  it is time for " the next logical step " -- human . caine volunteers for this risky experiment . but when he is made invisible  something goes wrong . while his ex - girlfriend linda ( elisabeth shue ) desperately tries to find something to return him to normal  he learns that invisibility is more of a prison than a superpower . but that ', s not the bad thing -- an unexpected side - effect of the drug sends him careening into paranoid megalomania . he is naturally given a couple of modest superpowers  just enough for him to survive immolation from a flame thrower and an explosion of about a quart of nitroglycerine . soon every sense of decency is forgotten . the little intelligence that was left disappears as verhoven looses control and the film turns into an alien - rip - off  where caine is walking like a half finished terminator  spooking  scaring and killing everybody . though it ', s based on a novel called ', the invisible man ',  the title has been ironically changed to ', hollow man ', that sums up the film very nicely . this is a very silly production . laughable  actually . apparently verhoven ', s imagination doesn ', t stretch too far . for him the only worthwhile reason to become invisible is so you can case the girls ', locker room undetected . it is this primitive schoolboy mentality that eventually kills the movie . being invisible  gives you the opportunity to be who you are  to do what you want without being influenced by society . in many ways it gives you an illusion of having a life without consequences . the nature of man and his place in society is what the novel is truly about . all that  the depth and true horror of the book is gone and only special effects make you remain in your seat . caine does use his power voyeuristically in hollow man . but since this is a modernization  in other words a dehumanization  he doesn ', t stop there . he becomes a rapist . and then  of course  a murderer . you ', ll start wondering why such actors as beacon and shue found themselves in such film in the first place . shue ', s talent is barely seen  josh brolin is underused and the rest of the cast suffer mostly for the lack of talent . kevin beacon is the only one that performs gracefully . his face is not seen for the most part of the film  and the only way he exists is as a disembodied voice . there are times when his presence actually saves the film from being completely embarrassing . in the end the effects are the only reason to see this film in the first place . being probably the best technical achievement since " jurassic park "  they are absolutely amazing . we observe the layers of skin  muscle  tissue  and bone being peeled away as a body is slowly rendered invisible . we see a beating heart  inflating lungs  and veins pulsing with newly - pumped blood . there are a couple of inventive shots with smoke  fire  air and water  but are a few scenes like that worth attending a movie for ? what is truly disturbing is that with a great book  talented actors and a grand budget  this could have been so much more . pretty much like jan de bont ( " twister "  " haunting " )  paul verhoven has never made anything extraordinary . he was responsible for several good films ( " basic instinct " and " starship troopers ) " and some incredibly bad films ( " showgirls "  " total recall " )  but he has never made anything that was great . in a way " hollow man " fits perfectly in this collection . it ', s not better or worse than verhoven ', s average film . he proves once again that he is incapable of handling more complex issues . and so  instead of depth and chills  verhoven inserts some of his trademarks : stupid dialogue  and lot ', s of dull action with blood and naked bodies . he even throws in some of the worst of film clich ? s - the slowly advancing fireball  the villain who comes back from the dead  etc  etc . - and tops the whole thing off with one of the most ridiculous endings of the year ( you ', ll be screaming " nooooo ! " and attempt to run towards the exit in slow motion ) . and all we can ask is why ? the answer is simple . though hollywood is a movie producing machine  the business of moviemaking has to be about something more than money . it has to be about telling stories  not marketing them . it has to be about transporting us to a different place  to dazzle us with magic and cleverness . to make us care  to make us think and feel . verhoven has obviously missed that point and this film is a proof of that . it ', s all flesh and bones  but no soul . a void where its imagination should be .
neg eddie murphy has a lot riding on harlem nights . as the movie ', s writer  director  executive producer  and star  murphy will shoulder all of the blame if harlem nights fails . but at the same time  he ', ll receive all of the credit if it succeeds . should you sacrifice your hard - earned cash to support murphy ', s risky gamble ? well  that depends on whom you trust more : me or eddie murphy . here ', s what murphy thinks : " i think the audience is expecting a good time . they gonna get sexy . they gonna get funny . they gonna get drama . they gonna get all of that . i think it ', s the best movie i ', ve done " ( paramount radio network ) . here ', s what i think : harlem nights is charmless  unoriginal  disappointing  and almost without question  the worst film of the actor ', s career ( i haven ', t seen best defense ) . and guess who ', s to blame ? ! the movie ', s problem is not murphy ', s direction : harlem nights is a fairly good looking film . no  the project was probably doomed even before the cameras rolled . murphy ', s awful script is the culprit . let ', s count the mistakes he makes in his first attempt at screenwriting : ( 1 ) murphy shatters the record for the most profanity in a motion picture . yes  he even outdoes his own work in raw . practically every line of dialogue in harlem nights contains at least one four letter word . and after 15 minutes  it gets irritating . ( 2 ) murphy wastes the talents of his fine cast . richard pryor  redd foxx  michael lerner  and della reese face the impossible task of carving out credible characters from a script riddled with stereotypes . each of them shines occasionally  but basically what we have are good performers stuck in a bad vehicle . ( 3 ) the movie demeans women by depicting them solely as sexual objects and as pawns in power struggles between men . murphy has admitted in interviews that he is weary of women in his private life  which is really neither here nor there . but when murphy puts his bitter feelings on 3  000 movie screens across the country  it ', s another matter altogether . you ', re forced to swallow some pretty gruesome stuff . for instance  murphy punches della reese in the stomach . and he shoots jasmine guy in the head . this is a mean - spirited movie  folks ! lovely newcomer lela rochon gets off easy in her role as a common whore  but only because she doesn ', t have any scenes with murphy . thank god : he might have run her over with a bulldozer . ( 4 ) murphy has written for himself perhaps his blandest role to date . the loveable eddie murphy charisma emerges only once or twice during the film . murphy would rather give his character a spiffy wardrobe than a spiffy personality . sometimes it seems as if murphy made harlem nights just so he could wear fancy suits and look debonair . ( 5 ) the plot is a shameless rip - off of the sting . if you ', re going to make another sting movie  you ', ve got to do something original . murphy ', s tale of warring nightclub owners in harlem ( circa 1938 ) fails to add anything new to the formula . ( 6 ) to get laughs  murphy makes fun of stuttering . you know a comedy is digging deep when it resorts to ridiculing the handicapped . ( 7 ) murphy ', s idea of drama is a scene in which his character apologizes for the first time in his life . for what ? for shooting reese ', s little toe off ! needless to say  murphy shows little  if any  promise or imagination as a screenwriter . in all fairness  however  a few rays of sunshine do manage to break through the gloomy cloud surrounding the movie . danny aiello is fun to watch as a dirty cop on the take . aiello stands out in the large  ensemble cast : he obviously relishes the opportunity to play such a nasty character ( a racist detective with mob ties ) . aiello ', s zesty performance gives harlem nights some much needed spice . another bright spot is arsenio hall  who has a hilarious  show - stopping cameo as a cry - baby gangster ; hall virtually steals the spotlight from murphy . in fact  hall ', s ten minutes on screen are the funniest ten minutes in the movie . unfortunately  his character is completely irrelevant to the plot ; murphy should have given hall a much bigger role . of course  i ', ve already mentioned that i didn ', t care for murphy ', s character  but i have to admit that i did love his neckties . they are simply spectacular -- almost worth the price of admission .
neg because no one demanded it : david duchovny in a romantic comedy ! at last  both his romantic magnetism and his comedic brilliance are mined for all their resources ! the choice of duchovny may have something to do with the plot  which could be fodder for a valentine ', s day episode of " the x - files . " bob rueland ( david duchovny ) loses his wife elizabeth ( joely richardson ) in a car accident . at the same time  grace briggs ( minnie driver ) is in the hospital  waiting for a heart transplant . grace gets elizabeth ', s heart  and it leads her to bob . it ', s the romantic equivalent of all those horror films where someone gets a transplant from a serial killer and then is driven to slaughter people . four writers are credited with contributing to the story . that doesn ', t seem possible . despite being a solid two hours long  " return to me " adds little to the " boy meets girl / boy loses girl " formula and  as a result  is terribly tedious and slow - moving . duchovny and driver seem unable to generate any sparks  and i kept wishing for a fast - forward button to move their scenes along . since driver has managed to work well in romantic roles before  i blame duchovny . he ', s out of his element without the manufactured and static sexual tension of his tv series ( and i ', ve always thought that the relationship between mulder and scully on " the x - files " comes off more sibling - like than hot - and - bothered ) . there ', s something about duchovny that makes me uneasy . regardless of the role he ', s playing  he comes off as a weirdo . the only redeeming quality of " return to me " is its hilarious supporting cast . the circle of friends and relatives around bob and grace is constantly playing matchmaker  and they generate the only laughs in the movie . carroll o ', connor is grace ', s grandfather marty o ', reilly . when bob comes into marty ', s restaurant after hours  marty immediately begins quizzing bob about his marital status . when marty discovers that bob is a widower  he invites bob to join his poker game and introduces him with the declaration  " this is bob ! his wife is dead ! " the poker buddies are just as desperate to find a mate for grace and greet bob enthusiastically when they hear the news . also funny : bonnie hunt as grace ', s best friend megan and james belushi as megan ', s husband joe . married with children  megan and joe provide a useful counterpoint by showing the mundane results of romance . although it ', s rare to see him in a movie that premieres in a theater  belushi delivers his lines with great comic skill . rounding out the impressive supporting cast are david alan grier as bob ', s best friend and robert loggia as marty ', s brother - in - law angelo . in only the lead actors lived up to the standards set by the rest of the cast . bottom line : if you are compelled to see this movie  watch it on video so you can fast - forward to scenes with carroll o ', connor and james belushi .
neg i ', m not sure if silvio horta wrote urban legend before or after the success of scream  but i ', m guessing after just because it seems he may not have had time to write a second draft . seriously  this idea -- a psycho bumping off people in the style of urban legends -- is a great one and i wish it could have been pulled off . the first sign of trouble comes with the painfully insipid dialogue . an example : " that [ car crash ] must ', ve been awful . . . for everyone involved . " you can tell that the writer intended that something a little more airy was supposed to have been said  just no one figured out what . i know in slasher movies there isn ', t supposed to be a lot of great characterization and i myself don ', t mind cardboard cutouts  but please don ', t let the cutouts be so damn bland . one reason movies like scream  star wars and diva have become so treasured is because they feature charismatic actors playing interesting characters . aside from jared leto and joshua jackson ( who aren ', t on the screen long enough ) no one in urban legend makes the grade . alicia witt shows none of the acerbity or wit she displayed on cybill  rebecca gayheart actually looks unattractive ( not to mention as dumb as a post through 3 / 4 of the film ) and robert englund just cruises on auto pilot . good thing brad dourif is here  but wait . . . he ', s only in the movie for five minutes _and_ he ', s just redoing his good - natured stuttering character from one flew over the cuckoo ', s nest . which brings me to another aspect of urban legend : it ', s unoriginality . the film most blatantly ripped off is scream ( another reason that makes me think silvio horta wrote this after craven ', s and williamson ', s great success ) . urban legend tries to deconstruct modern - day folklore much the same way scream deconstructed slasher films  but it doesn ', t quite succeed . it ', s best stab at self - reflexivity is poking fun at " that girl in the noxzeema ad " ( ie  rebecca gayheart ) we also have another killer - taunting - his - victim - on - the - phone routine in urban legend and quick  what movie is this exchange of dialogue from : female protagonist : why ? villain : why ? why ? ! ? congratulations to those of you who answered scream and / or urban legend . like i said  this movie could ', ve been great . if only silvio had worked or been allowed to work a little longer on the script . still  at least urban legend had some pretty cool death scenes and a somewhat realized whodunit angle which makes this slasher is waaaayyyyyy better than i know what you did last summer .
neg drew barrymore is beginning to corner the market on playing the girl outside - the one who ', s the awkward klutz or the spunky do - it - yourselfer ; the one who just doesn ', t fit in with the others . she has perfected these characters in movies such as " the wedding singer " and  most notably  " ever after . " now she ', s back  starring in what could be called a modern - day cinderella fable - " never been kissed . " you know it ', s a fable because she plays a copy editor at a newspaper who has her own office as well as a secretary . trust me on this one  no copy editor has seen the inside of a private office since gutenberg ( and i don ', t mean steve ) invented the printing press . the premise is simple . barrymore ', s josie geller  at 25 the youngest copy editor ever to be hired by the chicago sun - times  is assigned to go undercover and return to high school to do an expose on what today ', s teens are feeling and doing . josie ( she says she was named after the ', 70s cartoon character ) was a geek in high school  so she jumps at the opportunity for a second chance . this time  she thinks  she will get it right and be accepted by the in - crowd . now  what kind of adult - with a good job and a successful career - would actually look forward to reliving the hell that was - and is - high school and adolescence . these are among the many problems that plague " never been kissed . " screenwriters abby kohn and marc silverstein cannot get a handle of josie . their script has her capriciously switching from confident adult to ditzy  blubbering woman - child at the least provocation . and the fact that an adult would put so much stock into trying to become tight with the vapid airheads who are supposedly south glen high school ', s most popular girls leads you to question her maturity and mental stability . ok  so " never been kissed " is not a sociological expose of today ', s high school scene . however  certain rules should apply to film  and one of those is consistency of character . among the movie ', s problems is the ill - conceived conceit that josie would seriously strive to climb the high school food chain and  in the process  lose focus on her assignment . any competent editor would have tossed her ass out the door quicker than you could say " get me rewrite . " to be fair  barrymore is very appealing  but she is given very little to work with . she tries valiantly to get a firm grip on her character  but the script continually undermines her . barrymore comes off best in the physical comedy aspects of the script in which she tries to walk  talk and act like a cool  hip high schooler . otherwise  she is left foundering on a cliched sea of teen - age stereotypes and situations . " never been kissed " is entertaining and funny in fits and starts . it lacks consistency and a firm grasp on what it wants to accomplish . the movie ', s main bright spot is provided by leelee sobieski as aldys  the outsider who befriends new student josie . josie sees a lot of her former self in aldys  yet still abandons her to hang out with the popular girls . real mature . and that is the main deficiency with " never been kissed . " it ', s illogical  unrealistic  uneven and undemanding . it has some warm and humorous spots  but not enough to overcome its many obstacles .
neg " come on  silent bob ! we ', re going to hollywood . " starring jason mewes  kevin smith  will ferrell  shannon elizabeth  seann william scott  chris rock  jason lee  ben affleck . directed by kevin smith . rated r . jay and silent bob strike back is a dumb movie disguised in a smarmy interior . kevin smith  coming off the wonderful  challenging dogma  fills it with sub - road trip gross - out jokes and expects us to buy it because he ', s just oh - so - ironic . but when a movie is so self - aware it becomes about nothing but itself  we can hardly be expected to pay for admission . jay and silent bob  two new jersey stoners who hang out at the doorstep of convenience store selling pot  have appeared in almost all of smith ', s movies but  if i ', m not mistaken  have not starred in one until now . they find out that there is a movie based on the comic book that is based on them being made in hollywood . this presents two problems : a ) they haven ', t received a penny in royalties and b ) nerds on the internet ( " what ', s the internet ? " ) are talking trash about them . what is there to do except go to hollywood and stop this movie from being made ? on the way -- they ', re hitchhiking  because who knew you needed tickets to take a bus ? -- they run into a group of hotties who pretend to be with an animal - rights group  but are really jewel thiefs who parade around in charlie ', s angels - style outfits . of course  they set jay and silent bob up to look like the thieves  so that there is a massive manhunt going on during the second half of the film . will ferrell  who again proves himself incapable of doing anything but sketch comedy  shows up as the wildlife marshal inspector who thinks the two have stolen a monkey . the movie will probably please only smith ', s die - hard  undiscerning fans ; everyone else will be critical of this mind - bogglingly stupid effort following some the sophisticated cinema that he churned out in years past . any appeal the movie has will come from the " in " jokes  most of which i think i understood  but the movie is " in " to the point of absurdity . there needs to be something holding it together other than its own smugness . once jay and silent bob get to hollywood  the movie abruptly switches gears from gross - out comedy to ridiculously broad hollywood satire . countless " hot " movie stars and personalities make an appearance  from smith veterans matt damon and ben affleck to wes craven  but jay and silent bob strike back resorts to such low - brow gags as another scream sequel with a monkey as the killer . get it ? they ', re so desperate for another movie  they ran out of ideas and used a monkey ! a monkey ! as often happens with writers who are working below what they are actually capable of  most of the really good lines are throwaways  while the big  painstaking gags mostly fall flat . one of the funniest lines in the movie flies by : when asked to comment on the clitoris ( don ', t ask )  jay responds : " the female clitoris ? " kevin smith is a talented writer ( though i agree that his films would be better off if he ', d let a real director take the helm )  and jay and silent bob strike back holds true to his promise to make a more facetious film . unfortunately  it ', s also shapeless  pointless and largely unfunny . smith ', s " verbal trampoline  " as ben affleck once called his distinctive dialogue  takes a back seat to his dubious instincts as a populist filmmaker . this was supposed to be the movie that didn ', t offend anyone  but it ', s offensive because it ', s terrible .
neg let me begin by saying that this is easily the worst movie in the entire official ( and even unofficial ) james bond series . it is so full of self - parody and silly characters that you would almost believe you were watching a spoof . an omen of what is to come is provided by the pre - credits sequence  a dull affair featuring a confrontation between a man ( it ', s difficult to give a better description since no mention of him is made elsewhere in the movie ) and the assassin of the title . a song with woefully terrible lyrics follows  and the rest of the movie is even worse . the plot might have been a pleasant change from the usual rule - the - world so often found in the james bond movies of the 70s  but here we get a confused mismash about a fabled assassin  francisco scaramanga ( christopher lee  putting in a performance which is one of the rare saving graces of this movie ) who someone has apparently payed one million dollars to in order to remove roger moore ', s 007 . there is also a flimsy connection with the energy crisis and a missing solar cell with 95 % efficiency . it ', s as much of a mess as it sounds . bond is " helped " in his task by mary goodnight ( ekland )  whose character couldn ', t possibly be any closer to the stereotypical bimbo . during the course of the movie she gets locked in both a closet and a car trunk  blunders around a control room accidentally setting off a laser and serves no purpose in enhancing the plot whatsoever . maud adams ( later to star in octopussy ) is a much more stronger and useful character  but she hardly features in the movie . scaramanga ', s lackey is a dwarf called nik - nak  who rather fittingly is also possibly the silliest henchman in the series  serving up annoyance and weak dialogue in equal measures . worse still is an almost total lack of action throughout the whole movie . there is but one fight sequence about fifteen minutes in ( not counting a ludicrous scene where two teenage girls beat up several dozen trained martial artists -- another misguided attempt at humour ) . the solitary car chase might have been a highlight  but the " action " is interrupted on a frequent basis by a redneck sheriff ( j . w . pepper  played by clifton james of live and let die " fame " ) yelling stupid comments out of the passenger window . he is easily the most irritating character in a james bond movie . even his presence could have been made bearable by one of the most impressive car stunts in cinematic history  a 360 degree twisting loop jump over a broken bridge -- could have been  except somebody got the idea to dub a mocking whistle tone over the final print . on top of that debacle  the whole end of the film is an anticlimatic sequence in scaramanga ', s " funhouse " . the only good thing that came out of this movie was that the producers had to make the next film in the series ( the infinitely superior " the spy who loved me " ) a great film in order for the bond franchise to survive .
neg since director steven zaillian previously wrote the powerful screenplay for 1993 ', s steven spielberg drama " schindler ', s list " and directed 1993 ', s intelligent " searching for bobby fischer  " his new film  " a civil action  " should most likely be looked upon as an unfortunate misstep in an otherwise prosperous career . what doesn ', t make sense is how such high - profile and superb actors as john travolta  robert duvall  william h . macy  and kathleen quinlan got involved in this project  which is both dull and completely ineffective . the film  which involves a small community of children who mysteriously died of leukemia  certainly contains the type of story to be emotionally - charged  but somehow all signs of feeling have been completely removed from the proceedings  leaving us with nothing more than a poorly - done courtroom drama . based on a book by jonathan hart  which was consequently based on a true account  " a civil action " is set in 1982 in the town of woburn  mass .  where personal injury lawyer jan schlictmann ( john travolta ) decides to take on the case of eight families who simply want an apology for their children ', s death from leukemia due to unknown causes . jan originally decides to drop the case  but when he stumbles across to corporate giants  grace and beatrice foods  who have plants located near the families ', homes  he sees all of the pieces suddenly fall into place : the two companies have been leaking harmful chemicals into the nearby lake which  thus  goes into the city ', s drinking water . suddenly  after hearing about the families ', heartbreak and personal stories  he begins to care for them and becomes determined to get to the bottom of the mystery  even though he is warned by his staff accountant ( william h . macy ) that no money is coming in to them  only going out . also figuring into the story is jerome facher ( robert duvall )  beatrice foods ', corporate counsel  who finds himself in heated waters when jan will not accept his $ 20 - million offer to settle the case . coming from such a talented writer  director  and cast  not to mention one of the most interesting film composers  danny elfman  " a civil action " is an astoundingly empty - headed drama  one that includes an intriguing story and somehow transforms it into an admittedly tiresome and occasionally even boring experience . perhaps one of its major problems was that in its attempts to be a relatively uncommercial motion picture  zaillian has misplaced its refreshing unconventional attitude with an absence of magnetism and even meaning . watching the film  i couldn ', t help but notice its similarities with 1997 ', s far  far superior film " the sweet hereafter  " which dealt with a lawyer  played brilliantly by ian holm  investigating a school bus accident that killed a number of children . in his attempts to find someone who may have been responsible for the accident  holm interviews the grieving parents  as well as the sole surviving passenger  a teenage girl  which starts to remind him of his own teenage daughter  a young drug - addict who has run away from home . not only was the plotting similar to " a civil action  " but it also had the same exact running time of 115 minutes . considering this  it is amazing how fulfilling and truthful " a sweet hereafter " was  not only concentrating on the school bus accident  but delving deeply into ian holm ', s character and his own personal demons  as well as the teenage girl . in " a civil action  " however  i have no idea where the running time went  since the film is virtually two hours of nothingness . we do not get to know the parents very well  nor any of the main characters . through its whole duration  i did not learn one thing__not one thing__about travolta ', s lawyer character  jan schlictmann  who doesn ', t appear to have any sort of life or purpose outside of his job . every scene is tediously related directly to the premise  and therefore  there was no one for me to care about or root for . you ', ve got to work pretty hard  actually  to not get an audience to become involved in the parents ', plight  since their children are dead  but that is exactly what " a civil action " does . to be honest  i would be fairly hard - pressed to state an aspect of the film that i actually liked . aside from one flashback to when a man ', s young son died on the way to the doctor  i remained unmoved and passive about what was going on in the scenes  and more than once found my mind wandering . i could say the performances were good  but who ', s fooling who ? since every character is one - dimensionally written  no one ', s acting abilities are challenged in any way . travolta plays a lawyer well enough  but that ', s about all he does . duvall virtually sleepwalks through his role  apparently only appearing to give one - liners at every chance he gets . and what in the world is kathy bates doing in the picture ', s final scene  as a judge ? she appears unbilled  since it is just a cameo  but why did she even agree to do it in the first place ? finally  when the conclusion arrived and the end credits began to role  the film left me with another question : what was the point ? abruptly ending without any susceptible momentum  where none came before that to begin with  " a civil action " seemed to me  at least  to be an example of how not to make a courtroom drama  and it certainly did not do justice to the very serious subject matter the film deals with .
neg synopsis : al simmons  top - notch assasin with a guilty conscience  dies in a fiery explosion and goes to hell . making a pact with malebolgia  a chief demon there  simmons returns to earth 5 years later reborn as spawn  a general in hell ', s army donning a necroplasmic costume replete with knives  chains  and a morphing cape . sullen  wise cogliostro and flatulating  wisecracking violator vy for spawn ', s attention . comments : when todd mcfarlane left marvel comics ( where he had made a name for himself as a first - rate comic book penciller on the " spider - man " titles ) to join the newly - formed  creator - owned image comics  a new comic book legend was born : spawn . mcfarlane ', s " spawn " immediately became a commercial and critical success and a defining comic book series of the 1990s . mcfarlane created a hero who was not only original but visually intricate  allowing mcfarlane to utilize his knack for artistic detail to the max . the early " spawn " issues brilliantly capture mcfarlane ', s genius at illustration and show his early attempts at writing . with the popularity of " spawn " and the success of the current warner bros . ', s batman film franchise  a movie version of some sort seemed inevitable for spawn . in the summer of 1997  hence  new line cinema released spawn  a live - action film based on the groundbreaking series . this topheavy exercise in violence and special effects unfortunately topples quickly and leaves fans of the comic book  like me  numbed by how much spawn misses the mark . what happened ? why is spawn so bad ? todd mcfarlane himself executive produced this disappointing misfire and even appears in a cameo . i don ', t think  however  that his presence necessarily hurt ( or helped ) the film . i place the blame  in part  on the recent hollywood trend  fueled by public demand apparently  for special effects blow - out movies utilizing the latest computer technology . these films focus upon the effects at the expense of everything else : character  plot  dialogue  etc . spawn  reflecting this trend  shows the audience one gratuitous scene after another populated with morphing characters and filled with unnecessary pyrotechnics . hardly a minute goes by in this film without fires  explosions  knives and chains appearing out of nowhere  glowing eyes  or constantly transforming demons . a lot of it is visually interesting and technically solid  don ', t get me wrong  but  because the script and cast aren ', t engaging  spawn ultimately comes across like overwrought wallpaper ( the surface may capture the eye  but nothing exists underneath ) . spawn ', s translation of the comic book suffers the most at the storyline level . mcfarlane ', s spawn was a tortured hero . a mercenary by trade  al simmons was nonetheless a warm man in love with the beautiful wanda . having died and journeyed to hell  he made a pact to return to earth to be with wanda . simmons  however  discovers that his memories are fragmented  his body a creepy mess  and his wife married . despite his sometimes violent nature  readers couldn ', t help but feel sympathetic toward his plight as the spawn of the underworld . spawn attempts to show all of this but does not spend nearly the time it should to do so . when the characters are developed  they seem absurd rather than touching . the cartoonish dialogue and implausible subplot ( a general possesses the antidote to a supervirus called heat - 16 which he wishes to unleash to enslave the world ) do not help matters . spawn  in an apparent attempt to duplicate the success of batman  also unwisely spends too much time on a villain  the violator ( batman favored the joker over batman ) . john leguizamo  like jack nicholson in batman  receives top billing in the cast as the violator ; michael jai white ( al simmons / spawn ) is second . i ordinarily find leguizamo an intensely annoying presence in films which seems to make him a perfect candidate for the violator . the film  however  spends so much time on the violator ', s offensive antics that they grate on the nerves . apparently meant to be the comic relief in the film ( as nicholson was in batman )  especially when contrasted with the sullen spawn  the violator ', s lines are oftentimes grotesque and unfunny  leaving the audience wishing he would leave . leguizamo does a satisfactory job in the role  but he is seen far too often in the film . michael jai white  a relative newcomer to theatrical releases  seems to be an appealing actor  and he handles his role adequately  but we see little of him without various masks on . more time needed to be spent on white ', s character before he became spawn for the movie to pull at the heartstrings . a special note should be made about martin sheen as the over - the - top  obnoxious  evil general wynn . easily the hammiest performance in the movie  it ', s hard to imagine how sheen mucked up his role so much ; after all  he played a vietnam assasin brilliantly in the great apocalypse now . sheen ', s excessive demeanor do not help the audience accept him as a mastermind villain and comes as a surprise considering his extensive career in film . many other elements conspire with the disappointing script and abundant special effects to drag spawn down . mtv - style  jerky  in - your - face editing is one of them . flames  for example  roll across the screen sometimes to announce a shift in setting . cogliostro  unlikely wannabe guide for spawn  serves as a poor narrator for the film . he goofily tells the audience  at one point  that " how much of [ spawn ', s ] humanity is left remains to be seen  " as if the audience really cares as one violent sequence leads to another . the music  finally  assaults the audience as much as the manic violence and offensive dialogue . loud and obnoxious hard rock fused with drum loops dominate some scenes . to be fair  however  marilyn manson ', s " long hard road out of hell " effectively compliments spawn ', s return to earth  while filter and the crystal method ', s " ( can ', t you ) trip like i do " proves a surprisingly fitting theme song . for as good a comic book as it is  " spawn " did not spawn a good movie . spawn  instead  suffers from too much pomp and circumstance  and too little plot and character development . it receives two stars for its technically well - done special effects . many other films  though  have equal  if not superior  special effects and are much better . rated pg - 13  spawn seems more violent than many r - rated movies and probably wouldn ', t be appropriate for the very young .
neg i can ', t recall a previous film experience where the fairly good time i was having turned as sour as quickly as it did during feeling minnesota . for forty minutes or so  i was lured into a loopy if occasionally over - wrought romantic comedy  and i was even giving keanu reeves the benefit of the doubt . then  rather suddenly  i was clubbed over the head with a nasty bit of violence ; shortly thereafter  i was whacked in the gut by another . feeling minnesota is a film that made me feel violated  as though i had trusted writer - director steven baigelman to bring me a cool glass of water and instead he threw acid in my face . feeling minnesota tells the story of a topless dancer named freddie ( cameron diaz ) who finds herself in deep trouble when her boss red ( delroy lindo ) suspects her of stealing from him . red ', s punishment is to force freddie to marry his bookkeeper  sam clayton ( vincent d ', onofrio )  who is far from the man of freddie ', s dreams . enter jjaks ( keanu reeves )  sam ', s estranged younger brother  who arrives at the wedding just in time to catch freddie ', s eye and have sex with her in the bathroom . united in their mutual attraction and their mutual loathing of sam  jjaks and freddie take off together  but sam isn ', t ready to let them go without a fight . freddie  meanwhile  isn ', t ready to let sam ', s money go without a fight  and thus begins a series of violent confrontations . there is both style and substance to the beginning of feeling minnesota  as baigelman opens with an effective montage showing jjaks and sam ', s intense sibling rivalry as boys  and their mother ( tuesday weld ) sending jjaks away to live with his father . it does a great job of setting up jjaks ', unstable life  a life which has landed him in trouble for petty crimes and always trying to please his family ; reeves ', wounded look is just right for jjaks . the wedding sequence includes a number of nice moments  most notably the aforementioned bathroom scene in which a simple question is given a very funny spin . most important  baigelman begins to establish the connection between freddie and jjaks with humor and economy  as in a scene where they both spontaneously begin singing along to the replacements ', " i will dare " on the car radio . you would have every reason to expect that relationships -- both familial and romantic -- would be the focal point of feeling minnesota . unfortunately  you would be dead wrong . i suppose i should have expected daisies and valentines after an early scene in which red threatens freddie as she tries to avoid the wedding  but i certainly didn ', t expect what i got . what i got was yet another in a long line of recent films trying to ride the tarantino wave by mixing gags and brutality  or rather creating gags about brutality . suddenly  the story of romantic entanglements and family conflict becomes a story about a corpse  and everything which had come before degenerates so completely that virtually nothing is recognizable . the sibling rivalry not only becomes little more than an excuse for one round of beatings after another  but there is no consistency to the characterizations . vincent d ', onofrio turns in a manic performance as sam  whose jealousy  competitiveness and apparent sense of inferiority seem far more in keeping with what we know about jjaks  while reeves turns into a framed hero too reminiscent of chain reaction  and both of them spend most of the second half of the film screaming and covered in blood . there are films which have managed to employ a radical shift in tone successfully ( jonathan demme ', s something wild and neil jordan ', s the crying game come to mind )  but they didn ', t try to draw an audience with the promise of relatively innocuous entertainment . i don ', t want to dismiss baigelman ', s successes out of hand -- he gets a fun performance out of dan aykroyd as a crooked cop  and some well - crafted comic moments -- and it is not his fault that fine line has chosen to promote feeling minnesota as a light - hearted caper . it _is_ his fault that he violates his own characters for the sake of shock value  and that he can ', t make his two halves into a whole . feeling minnesota left me feeling used  and there ', s not much funny about that .
neg wolfgang petersen ', s latest  the perfect storm  is like a pineapple . it only tastes good after arduous peeling and digging - if you try to eat the fruit  spikes and all  it ', s going to hurt ? quite a bit . ok  maybe that was a confusing analogy  so here ', s my main complaint about the latest man battles nature flick : there isn ', t really much of a story to tell . basically  a massachusetts fishing crew goes out to sea on a small boat  called the andrea gail  and gets stuck in the middle of " the storm of the century . " how much time does it take for petersen to tell this story ? not nearly enough . so he spends the majority of the film developing pointless side stories which all eventually become superfluous . audiences want to see the storm  they want to see a fight for survival but what they get is a lot of cliched  maudlin drivel . the last quarter of the perfect storm is utterly perfect in every aspect  but just try lasting the first three - quarters . i have yet to read sebastian junger ', s the perfect storm  but from what i have heard it is an unforgettable tale . based on a true story  the book must have found some other way to introduce the characters because in the movie version  the approach is weak . using a wonderfully patriotic score by james horner  petersen almost hides the in - your - face banality . right away the central characters are introduced : the gritty  determined captain ( george clooney )  the ingenue ( mark wahlberg ) torn between his job and his girlfriend ( diane lane )  the loving father ( john c . reilly )  the comic relief who ', s always trying to get laid ( john hawkes )  the new guy ( william fichtner ) who immediately antagonizes a crewmate and the quiet  french guy ( allen payne ) . so many problems strike the opening segment of the film that the remaining portions directly suffer . it is not the all - star cast ', s fault  just the characters designed for their portrayal . allen payne ', s character never speaks in the entire movie  not because he is mute  but because he ', s never given any lines ! are we supposed to root for a guy whose face and voice we are never given a chance to interact with ? fichtner ', s character is terribly underdeveloped - we don ', t know what he ', s doing there  where he ', s from  or who he ', s supposed to be . the remaining four fishermen are all cardboard stereotypes ( hawkes says to a female stranger in one scene " you know what would look good on you ? me ! " ooooh real creative ) . as the script advances and the andrea gail floats farther out into the waters  the crew continues to not feel human . only when the storm takes center stage does the movie jump out of its sleepwalk . the computer - generated images of gigantic waves crashing against a helpless boat are thunderously real . i can only imagine if this was an imax film  this city kid would surely never go in the water again . this is loud  jolting entertainment - adjectives that completely negate the rest of the film . the perfect storm was unfortunately a disappointment . the maelstrom lived up to its potential but everything else failed to do so . i guess i ', ll stick to that other survival spectacle ? you know the one on cbs ?
neg synopsis : valerie  a high school junior who doesn ', t look a day under 22  writes bad poetry  complains about how much she hates school  fantasizes about a young guy on trial for raping and murdering six women  chooses him as a pen pal  and plays hooky to see him in court . after a jailbreak  the killer puts on big sunglasses  wears a half - buttoned jacket  and uses his fatal charm to go after valerie . comments : " alan smithee " directed fatal charm  which should have been more appropriately titled " fatal bore " or " fatal crap " . if you find out that a film you ', re about to see is directed by " alan smithee  " then you should seriously  seriously  seriously consider watching something  anything  else . " alan smithee " is a pseudonym which a number of directors have used when they produce something really bad . frankly  i ', d be embarrassed if i had directed this turkey  so i think i understand why the director might have picked the " alan smithee " moniker for this film . where to begin with this painfully poor thriller ? let ', s start with the acting . it ', s pretty bad . amanda peterson plays valerie and shows at least some talent ( the rest of the cast don ', t )  even though her performance isn ', t exactly stellar material . she ', s also miscast ; she seems way too old to still have a year of high school to complete . her scenes with valerie ', s mother  played by mary frann  are a joke . the two look as though they ', re a couple of coworkers going out to lunch together  rather than a daughter with her mother who just doesn ', t understand . christopher atkins  a handsome enough actor who plays the killer  adam  looks like a clown in the second half of fatal charm . trying to appear malicious and dangerous  he wears large sunglasses and a half - buttoned jacket . if disney decided to do a zany comedy caper about the unabomber  atkins would probably be a perfect candidate for the lead  but he doesn ', t cut it here . early on in the movie  a number of scenes occurs in a courtroom . outside of the laughably poor performances given by the actors portraying lawyers  the people sitting in the benches provide the silliest effort at drama in the film . they constantly shift and turn and arc their heads in mock interest in what has got to be one of the worst perfomances that a large group of people have given at one time ever . fatal charm ', s storyline  such as it is  inspires more yawns than thrills . the script belabors a red herring  early on  about a second suspect who may have committed the murders for which adam ( atkins ) is charged with . this suspect  however  turns up strangled and drowned halfway through the film : an obvious plot fault . even for the idiots who didn ', t consider the movie ', s title as valerie and a blond newsreporter commented how innocent and charming the defendant seemed  it becomes quite obvious that adam is dangerous when the other suspect washes up . so  the audience must wait ( if they haven ', t already stopped watching ) as the necessary details fall into place and the killer goes after the heroine in the drawn - out finale . the video box for this dud describes fatal charm as an " erotic thriller " . a thriller it isn ', t  and neither is it particularly erotic . i can ', t imagine  if someone were in the mood for something " erotic  " that he ', d be happy after watching this fluff . a few erotic moments occur in the film ; they take place in a van with little lighting and are filmed out of focus ( see  they ', re supposed to be valerie ', s fantasies -- how creative ) . on a personal note  i was disturbed by the ludicrous english literature class shown in this film which valerie had to suffer through . it ', s no wonder why she hated high school so much . as an instructor of english myself  i have a hard time accepting the fact that in a course emphasizing great literature  a teacher would stoop to reading a student ', s bad poetry ( of course  it ', s valerie ', s ) about boyfriends out loud and then embarassing its author in front of class with questions about the poem ', s inspiration . i guess the public school system is still setting dubious standards for its students . fatal charm won ', t charm anyone  unless there ', s someone that ', s charmed by boring  lifeless  insipid  suspenseless thrillers . if you happen upon this turkey  just keep moving on .
neg a highly intelligent life form that is completely electronic in nature  beams itself onto a russian science vessel . well  this is the point where the movie strays from becoming a decent and original movie and simply becomes a predictable sci - fi thriller . anyhow  this life form takes control of the computers on the russian vessel then starts creating highly advanced robots to help it in its gruesome task of exterminating the ? virus ', known as man . the original crew of the russian vessel is all but exterminated  and then a hapless crew on a tug discovers the derelict ship and tries to salvage it . no more needs to be said as to what happens and where the conflict lies  the movie is that predictable . the story is full of very shallow characters that don ', t do much other than subsist . the captain of the tug  played by donald sutherland  makes irrational choice after irrational choice leaving the audience wondering as to how he has survived long enough to reach his age ( looks to be in his 60 ', s ) . to add to this we ', re shown this motley crew that at times seems to be highly skilled in specific fields  and at others seems barely capable of basic tasks . some of the supposed capabilities of the characters leads one to wonder what they are doing on a tug transporting cargo in the middle of the pacific  in a typhoon no less . none of the characters seem to work together at all ; they are always bickering and vying for some form of control . this makes no sense what so ever and only takes away from the story  a story that is full of holes and is extremely predictable . all the flaws of the actual story are only helped along by the special effects . the waves that are generated to be part of the typhoon make it look like boat was is small model sitting in a tub and someone is simply creating waves . it looks genuinely fake  granted trying to recreate a typhoon or hurricane cannot be easy by any stretch of the imagination but having the storm approach in a style similar to the huge wave of deep impact only ends up looking corny and amateurish . also on the topic of flaws  the robotics that the advanced life form creates seem to move extremely slowly  why ? if this life form that is so advanced as to be able to create these robotics  should it not be able to create them move faster ? regardless  the special effects in this movie in many cases take away from the film rather than add to it . as to the actual casting for the movie  finally there is nothing to complain about . the actors were superb  but then again it is highly doubtful that chimpanzees would have had difficulty acting the roles . having the cast that was present probably saved this movie from being an absolute catastrophe . watching these actors act this story out made it bearable  if barely . the one saving grace of this movie is that it was highly action packed and there always seemed to be something happening . so if you are going into this movie not expecting to see anything grand and are only going to kill some time and watch a mediocre sci - fi thriller then you won ', t be too disappointed . as the movie is but the latest in a genre that was originally created by aliens  it does little more than try to cash in on that aspect . this movie would be best left for video and even then you might be advised to simply wait for one of the major networks to air it on tv .
neg this movie is based off the wildly popular video - game series of the same name . before this film  the game had a few spin - off cartoons - which were ok . but the idea of doing a movie is insane . it should have been animated  if it should have been done at all . instead the people do the best they can with a talented cast . yet it still fails . the plot is completely different from the game ', s plot - i ', m not complaining about that . the story involves the mario bros . having a plumbing business in brooklyn and having to compete with a rival company . eventually they find a construction site by their nemesis  which happens to be enviromentally un - safe . so  due to luigi ', s ( john leguizamo ) girlfriend - princess daisy - they go and investigate . they get transported to a blade runner - esque world lead by king koopa ( dennis hopper ) . somehow a plot dealing with all the dinosaurs being mutated and transported to an alternate futuristic mega - city jumbles in . the plot is fine - better than the movie deserves . the acting is ok . this seems to be more of a visual film . the special effects are good  especially on the robotic yoshi . however the film drags and is no fun . and it leaves itself open to a sequel  which probably won ', t ever be made . this movie begins sort of promising  but ends up leaving a weird taste in your mouth . so if you want to watch a sort of odd movie starring the excellent dennis hopper  then watch super mario bros . : the movie . you could do worse . but you could definitely do better . . . . street fighter : the movie ( 1995 ) starring : raul julia and jean claude van - damme this movie was based off of a series of never ending sequels to a game called street fighter 2 . it has all the characters from the game in a reasonable plot . it is more like a " movie " than it should be . yes  it ', s watchable . raul julia does a good job  considering this was his final film . while the game had non - stop fighting sequences  this movie is a hodge - podge of action scenes and flashy sets and costumes while trying to show off a plot at the same time . does it work ? sort of . . . the plot involves the evil shadowloo organization run by m . bison ( raul julia ) . guile ( jean claude van - damme ) takes his troops to attack bison ', s main base in an attempt to liberate the innocent villages he has taken over . in a short amount of time  the movie introduces several characters well . it catches your attention . but it ultimately seems like a showcase for fans of the game so you can point out things like " there ', s chun li ! ! " or " look at that fire - ball ryu did at vega " . it hits the bases by presenting the characters in a plot with good sets  but goes no further . this movie needed more action in the first place . the action scenes that are here are short and not very exciting . if you like light - hearted action flicks  or if you liked the game  watch this one . it is even worth watching if you want to see raul julia ', s last performance  or if you can ', t get enough of van damme . other than that  you could find better action flicks . .
neg studio 54 attracted so many weird and bizarre people to its gates that it ', s a wonder why the film about the life and death of the studio centers itself on one very boring  cliched individual  not to mention an ensemble of people who wouldn ', t be at all fascinating unless they worked at the studio  which they did according to this film . are we supposed to believe that out of all the strange folk who populated the studio nightly  that a character who is a bland ripoff of tony manero would really make a good protagonist for the film about it ? " 54 " belongs in the elite group of films known as " the big disappointments " : the films that attain so much hype and / or so much potential in its creation that they come off worse than they are when they are finally finished . i was heavily awaiting " 54  " not the least because i ', ve become fascinated with the infamous club  which has been the subject of an engrossing documentary that ', s been running all summer on vh1  which is  weirdly enough  much more intriguing and engrossing than this " edgy " film . perhaps more importantly  " 54 " is part of the blossoming subgenre  " the 70s nostalgia film  " which has been picking up mighty steam  what with " boogie nights " and " the last days of disco " coming out within the year  and both being such damn good movies that not only captured the feel of a certain time period ( the late 70s party and the early 80s wakeup period )  but brought us interesting and real characters  like scotty  the tragically gay boom mike operator from " boogie nights  " and charlotte  the ironically clueless and bitchy co - protagonist from " the last days of disco  " not to mention several others . " 54 " deals not so much with the timeline of the studio ( how it began  how it was run  how it ended ) - that ', s all dealt with in the narrated opening and finale - but more interested in the characters who populated it . this is a definite plus . here ', s a film that could have been a fascinating 2 hour plus film about the tragic people who went there to party  and had to wakeup in the 80s when things like diseases  economy problems  and perhaps worst of all  reagan  all hit and forced everyone into a rude awakening . the story of the studio is tragedy in itself : let ', s look at how it all affected the people . but this film doesn ', t let that happen . it gives us a half - assed protagonist named shane o ', shea ( ryan phillippe  from " i know what you did last summer " )  who ', s chief character trait is the fact that he ', s from new jersey  which also happens to be his chief character flaw ( i guess ) . he ', s dim - witted  into being part of " the scene  " and soon finds he ', s become a bit of a rave amongst the studio regulars . . . a bit like " saturday night fever  " ', cept no travolta and no real interest put into him . poor  poor phillippe struggles to make him interesting  but all he is a half - assed character and not at all our ticket to the glimpse of the decadence going on inside the club that he could have been . shane begins to hang out with some other denizens of the club  like anita ( salma hayek )  a wannabe donna sommers  and her young hubby  greg randanzo ( breckin meyer  from " clueless " )  who helps shane become a bartender and rise to a bit of fame . although he begins to get somewhere when he sleeps with the foxy billie auster ( sela ward )  an exec of sorts  he falls in lust with a soap star named julie black ( neve campbell )  and thus the boring romance subplot that ', s all too not necessarily important to anything else in the film and never really becomes interesting at any point in the film . the film ', s sole point of interest and one major strongpoint is the all - too necesary personage of steve rubell  played by mike myers ( you heard me ) . rubell  the famous head of the studio acted as if he never stopped partying ever  and is an easy metaphor for the life and times of his creation  but the film  thanks to a surprisingly strong performance by myers  makes him out to be more than that . notice the scenes sole shocking scene  where he tries to get felatio from one of his male employees in turn for a promotion : myers brings the humanity to rubell in this scene  and a couple others  that some of us who ', ve only seen him on tv never saw  and proves to be perhaps the one aspect of studio 54 that this film actually nails . first time feature director mark christopher proves that he ', s a better director than a writer  though not too terribly much . his story is trite and shallow  as are his characters  and his direction is shockingly flat  especially for a film about this subject . it ', s as if he had a great story to tell  but instead opted for the easier route . the studio ', s recreation is amazingly accurate  though  and very impressive  but his direction is never captivating enough . some people say that a film does its job if it makes you want to visit the locale it takes place in ( despite the film ', s tone  i still want to go to rome and its many nightclubs after i saw fellini ', s " la dolce vita " )  and when i watched " 54  " i didn ', t particularly want to stay .
neg in the past  tim burton has taken cinema by storm with the action packed batman  and the hilarious ed wood  but lately his films just don ', t cut it . sleepy hollow has some unique features  but the script is a terrible mess . for those who remember disney ', s fantastic " adventures of ichabod crane "  it is actually superior to this . disney ', s version was at least interesting  while burton ', s film drags on far too long  without any suspense or frights . while the stories are similar  the new version adds too much to the once likable story  and throws in some weak dialogue to top it off . ichabod crane ( johnny depp ) is now apparently a constable  who was sent to new york to investigate suspicious murders . the victims are headless  and no traces of evidence were found  until the murderer reveals himself  hence the headless horseman . now with the help of christina ricci and an orphaned boy  they must stop the headless horseman from a killing spree  that could destroy the whole town of sleepy hollow . sure the headless horseman is an intriguing character  but the story has so many holes that even he nor depp can save this disaster . in the original  the headless horseman was meant to be unstoppable . no one could stop him  not even ichabod . by the end of the film  it had audiences in deep thought . burton however concentrates far too much on the atmosphere  and how to make the main characters heroes . he takes no risk what so ever  and this is where he fails . another pathetic element of the film was the script . like i said earlier  he just stuffed too much in at one time  and made it look real sloppy  kind of like the mess the headless horseman made with his victims . he completely butchered the story to pieces . thankfully there are a few factors that i particularly liked . the acting by depp was quite notable . he took the nerdy character of the cartoon  and simply acted it out in a better manner . if it wasn ', t for his quirky one - liners  i doubt i could have remained awake  because quite frankly i was getting sleepy . just when i thought christina ricci was getting to be a good actress  she winds up doing this . it just goes to show no actress or actor can pass up a big blockbuster . it ', s too tempting to let go  even if the script is mush . the atmosphere too was quite involving . i should have just gazed at the sets  and the eerie fog  rather than actually pay attention to what was going on . at least burton ', s films are eye candy  even if they are trash . the only real scenes of value were the tree full of heads  and the fight between the horseman  depp and casper van dien . other than that  i wish i could just fast forward through all the gaping holes in the film  and just sit back and stare at the scenery . by the end  i can only think back and laugh at how bad sleepy hollow developed . this is the biggest disappointment of the year  especially when such a talented director like burton handles a project like this . don ', t waste your time or money  because your head will feel hollow .
neg plot : a rich psychiatrist with a great home life gets his cute daughter kidnapped by some bad guys who want him to extract some information from the mind of one of his nutty patients . of course  the patient is not cooperative and the doctor only has a few hours to comply with their demands  before they kill his daughter . pretty good premise  no ? critique : if you ', re not a fan of movies packed with plot holes  inconsistencies and yes  even more plot holes  heed my words and skip this hollow thriller . and i don ', t like saying that either  since this film actually had some potential and started off pretty well . sure  the story is basically just an amalgamation of ransom  primal fear and nick of time pureed into one  but the whole " psychiatrist working against the clock " thing  actually had me engaged at first . but it ', s at about the halfway mark of this movie  that the bottom drops out and all that we ', re left with are a lot of questions and very few plausible answers . we get the overly smart kid who manages to " pull one " over on the bad guys . we get a weak woman with her leg in a cast beating the crap out of a tough bad guy . we get douglas ', character  a new york uppedity psychiatrist  suddenly turning into an action hero  with moves and attitude to boot . and what about the film ', s main plot point ? why would the bad guys still give a crap about this thing after 10 years  and even more so  why would they only give the shrink until the day ', s end to do his part ? ( you waited 10 years  what ', s another few days ? - or why not set up another heist instead ? ) . i ', ll tell you why  it ', s because we wouldn ', t have a ( bad ) movie otherwise  that ', s why ! and many  many more . ugh  whatever the case  it was just about the time that douglas ', character suddenly removed murphy ', s character from the mental home ( and how come she went with him so nicely ? i thought she didn ', t trust him )  that i turned to my buddy and asked when the movie had turned into a joke . and a few bogus chase and action sequences later  we were left with a long - winded ending that did little to answer any other questions i might ', ve still had  and actually brought up even more contradictions . badly put together  this movie features some decent acting  some nice cinematography and an initially interesting premise  but loses it all in a haze of plot miscues which ultimately leave you with little care for anyone . in fact  if it wasn ', t for brittany murphy ', s excellent portrayal of a traumatized teen  jennifer esposito ', s embarrassing performance as a police woman ( yeah  right ! watching her delivering lines was the funniest part of this flick - but it wasn ', t supposed to be ) and michael douglas ', cool " regular guy " part  there would be little reason to remain seated until the end of this picture . incidentally  can anyone please give me one good reason why esposito ', s character was in this movie in the first place ? she was completely superfluous . and on top of all that  by the end of this flick  the director seems to have realized how dumb the audience must be to have bought most of the garbage that he ', d been shoveling out for the hour and a half prior  and decides to add insult to injury by flashing back to an earlier character ', s death when one of the bad guys dies  just so we know ( as an audience )  that the two are interrelated somehow . ooooh  thanks  mr . fleder . . . i appreciate the spoon - feeding  dude . . . yum  yum . . . but how about explaining every other plot point in your film that made no sense ? whatever . either way  i don ', t give a rat ', s ass because this movie is a dog and that ', s unfortunate because it actually did have some good points going for it . see it if you like dumb thrillers . incidentally  if you appreciated along came a spider  you will likely enjoy this film as well . they both start off with interesting premises  only to toss all logic and sense out the window about halfway through . where ', s joblo coming from ? along came a spider ( 4 / 10 ) - girl  interrupted ( 5 / 10 ) - kiss the girls ( 7 / 10 ) - primal fear ( 7 / 10 ) -- seven ( 10 / 10 )
neg i wish more films would take on issues of faith and morality in the modern world . and i wish that film - makers would use commandments as a blueprint on how _not_ to do it . writer / director daniel taplitz has created a bizarre conglomeration of satire and soul - searching in this tale of seth warner ( aidan quinn )  a man of faith who runs into a streak of bad luck which usually inspires country - western lyrics : his pregnant wife drowns  his home is destroyed by a tornado  he loses his job and his dog is crippled by a bolt of lightning . convinced that god has broken his half of the covenant  seth decides to break his  and sets out to turn every " thou shalt not " of the ten commandments into a " thou shalt " ( and vice versa ) . his wife ', s sister rachel ( " friends " ', courteney cox ) wants to help seth ; rachel ', s selfish husband harry ( anthony lapaglia )  who tends to break a few commandments of his own  thinks seth is a lunatic . thus begins a film which picks the wrong tone for every occasion . taplitz isn ', t interested in treating seth ', s tragedies as genuinely tragic  making it impossible to sympathize with him . composer joseph vitarelli provides a score full of whimsical woodwinds  turning seth ', s sacrilegious mission into an amusing lark ; quinn ', s performance as seth is all wild - eyed fervor without any genuine pain . the actual breaking of the commandments is almost treated as an afterthought  with one through five dispatched in a five - minute montage . the result is a character whose actions feel less like the authentic responses of an anguished man than the machinations of a high - concept movie plot . it ', s not even entirely clear that commandments is about seth . corporate attorney rachel is given a case which is supposed to soften a hard heart we see no indication she has  while harry gets his comeuppance as part of seth ', s " false witness . " only courteney cox strikes a note of reality in a solid performance ; she is sane center around which too equally troubled men revolve . even she can ', t force taplitz to decide whose story this is  or what we should have learned about dealing with the struggles in our lives and our relationship with the infinite . by the time seth makes a singularly biblical reappearance late in the film  it has become clear that taplitz is aiming for a fantastical fable which makes no connection with real human experience . commandments is a bad comedy which could have been a decent drama if daniel taplitz had had the guts to take faith -- and the loss thereof -- at all seriously .
neg the high school comedy seems to be a hot genre of the moment . with she ', s all that and varsity blues behind us  and several more set for release later in the year  the teen comedy seems to be experiencing its own renaissance . however  you wouldn ', t know it from the quality of the latest entry : jawbreaker . this shockingly bitter candy definitely has a sour center . the most popular  and most feared  clique at reagan high school have an unexpected dilemma . they have accidentally killed one of their own  the " teen dream "  liz purr ( charlotte roldan )  choked on a giant jawbreaker during a kidnapping prank for her 17th birthday . now the three surviving girls must decide what to do . it takes little time at all for the group ', s leader  courtney ( rose mcgowan )  to decide to cover it up . the ditzy marcie ( julie benz ) is game to go along  but the clique ', s final member  julie ( rebecca gayheart )  has a guilty conscience . to make things worse  another student  the hopelessly geeky fern mayo ( judy evans greer ) accidentally discovers the truth . the girls ', cover is surely blown . . . not so fast . thinking quickly  courtney offers fern a once - in - a - lifetime chance . after a quick makeover  fern is transformed into vylette  the beautiful " new girl " at school  and a full - fledged member of the popular crowd . does this mean that popularity is the key to getting away with murder ? or will this finely honed plan crack over time ? jawbreaker is obviously attempting to be the heathers of its generation  and failing miserably  i might add . it manages to capture the mix of murder and teen social observations  but misses three crucial elements : sharp dialogue  witty characters and the much - needed humor . it is possible that jawbreaker might have succeeded in being ( darkly ) humorous if it wasn ', t shackled to its dead - weight plot . the film ', s most innovative twist is the makeover of fern mayo . at this point  jawbreaker seems poised to spin wildly into the uncharted depths . but then  all of a sudden  the innovation stops . the film becomes mired in the murder - and - cover - up plotting  which quickly saps what little life and energy there was right out of the film . in the film  rose mcgowan fares the best . as the manipulative clique leader  she truly dominates every scene she ', s in ( not a difficult feat in a crowd such as this  however ) . it ', s a character crying out for a better movie ( or at least another decently drawn character with which to interact . ) jawbreaker doesn ', t quite know how to handle its semi - likable characters : fern and julie . either one could effectively end the movie at any time by simply revealing what she knows . the lengths to which the film goes to prolong the plot have the unintentional effect of distancing us from these characters . as their motives become murky and unclear  the film finally falls to the point that it doesn ', t really matter who wins or loses  since all sides have become equally detestable . " detestable " is a good word to describe the film  jawbreaker . it ', s certain that  like the murder weapon described in the film ', s title  jawbreaker will be triggering more than one gag reflex in the audience .
neg capsule : a wild jungle woman and an 11 - story gorilla are discovered in tibet and taken to hong kong where the gorilla escapes and causes havoc . this is a laughable 1977 rip off of king kong ( 1976 )  itself a rip - off . production values are low and audiences seem to like the film mostly for derisive laughter .  high - 2 ( - 4 to + 4 ) - directed by ho meng - hua . - this film is provided to be a sort of laughing stock to finish the festival . - an earthquake uncovers an 11 - story tall gorilla in the himalayas . a hunter  chosen because he just broke up with his girl and is at loose ends  gets sent to find the ape and finds a sort of female tarzan who controls the ape . - evelyne kraft is the jungle girl in a leather bikini that she is pasted into so she always looks on the verge of bouncing out of . - gorilla actor has no idea how gorillas move and suit is terrible . nice miniature effects  however . - has almost a music video inside it of jungle girl playing with animals like chi - chi the leopard . - several places there is narrative that is nearly incoherent as if there are missing scenes and the viewer has to guess what happened in the interim . - actual location shooting in mysore . ape shown badly matted behind temple . - combining of images usually pretty bad . incompetent matching of film stocks . - stock footage frequently used . - gorilla brought to hong kong by greedy entrepreneur who really abuses the ape before it escapes and tears things up real good .
neg ` the bachelor ', is one of the best terrible movies you will ever see . wading through this gooey  detestable sludge is quite the chore for even a dedicated romantic . those hoping to find some genuine charm and feeling behind this chris o ', donnell vehicle should wander elsewhere ; ` the bachelor ', is a painfully clumsy mess strung together with a few brief moments of surprising poignancy . awaiting these moments by enduring the rest of the film is certainly not worth your time or money . although he has not quite evolved out of the stereotypical pretty - boy cocoon  chris o ', donnell has an effortless charm as an actor . most will recognize him as the high - flying robin from the two latest ` batman ', films  but other abilities are evident behind his boyish smile . can o ', donnell carry the weight of a film on his shoulders ? perhaps  if he found the proper vehicle . . . but ` the bachelor ', falls far short of the requirements . the actor just can ', t register with such a pathetic screenplay as the guiding light to success . a few instances of adorable humor aside  it becomes apparent that no one could save the festering mess that is ` the bachelor ', . o ', donnell plays jimmie  a hopeless romantic in his late twenties who ', s progressing in a serious relationship with anne ( renee zellweger ) . jimmie takes anne out for dinner to the restaurant specifically used for proposals  and attempts to ask for her hand in marriage . the problem is that his proposal sucks . big time . you can tell things aren ', t going pleasantly  because jimmie gets the infamous ? deer - in - the - headlights ', look when anne questions his approach . and then  the plot ( along with the stupidity of the movie ) thickens . jimmie ', s grandfather ( peter ustinov ) dies suddenly  leaving a video will behind for his grandson ( who also happens to be his only living relative ) . everybody is speechless when grandpa declares that he is passing down an inheritance in the amount of 100 million dollars to jimmie . of course  there ', s a catch : he must get married before his 30th birthday  stay joined with his bride for an entire decade  and produce healthy children within the first five years . the bad news is that jimmie ', s birthday is the following day . with anne out of town  he must find a willing bride to share his riches with . . . and within a very limited time frame . there are certainly a few worthwhile aspects of ` the bachelor ', . for one  the movie ', s approach is interesting and not dripping with clich ? . another is the colorful cast . o ', donnell and zellweger are cute together  and the supporting cast tries relentlessly to rescue the film from drowning in it ', s own mediocrity . ustinov is enjoyable as the cranky grandfather figure  and james cromwell is sincere and effective as a wise priest dragged through jimmie ', s marital adventures . and now the cons : the approach may be interesting  but in trying an old - fashioned method  director gary sinyor gives the film a synthetic feel . the characters are drawn with obvious  broad strokes  and the plot is bogged down with everything humanly imaginable . yes  ` the bachelor ', is far more frustrating than cute . the screenplay is lamely written  and the subject matter poorly conceived . the considerable charm of the two leads is thoughtlessly wasted  along with whatever promise the film initially contained . potential goes out the window early to suit sinyor ', s ` colorful ', approach  but not a minute of this hapless drivel seems accustomed to the director ', s wishes . ` the bachelor ', becomes lost without a homing beacon to save it . you ', ve seen the tv spots  haven ', t you ? o ', donnell is madly rushing down a deserted street and the caption reads ` what is this man running from ? ', in actuality  he ', s fleeing from thousands of angry brides who want to marry him and inherit his fortune ( it ', s one of the few enjoyable sequences in the film ) . after seeing the movie  i believe that the approaching horde could be something else . o ', donnell could be running from his angry fans  who have just endured ` the bachelor ',  and are hunting him down for revenge .
neg topless women talk about their lives falls into that category that i mentioned in the devil ', s advocate : movies that have a brilliant beginning but don ', t know how to end . it begins by introducing us to a selection of characters who all know each other . there is liz  who oversleeps and so is running late for her appointment  prue who is getting married  geoff  liz ', s boyfriend  neil  her previous boyfriend  ant who has written a screenplay . for the first hour  we get to know these people through everyday activities  as they talk on the phone  go out to dinner  hang clothes on the line . the interactions seem so truthful and guileless that it is almost as if the film - makers hid cameras around the place and filmed these people unbeknownst to them . at times  the events border on the ridiculous  like the screening of the film  but they still seem in keeping with the characters and their lives . this doesn ', t sound like a brilliant premise for a film - " we just follow a lot of people around who are vaguely related " - but it ', s the execution of the idea that makes topless women talk about their lives so engrossing . unfortunately this level of honesty isn ', t maintained . with about half an hour to go  a sense of impending doom invades topless women talk about their lives and from there is descends into melodrama . such a disappointment after such a brilliant start . the actors are all quite good with ms . danielle cormack as liz being particularly impressive . the energy of her character is palpable and is a major reason the movie is so watchable . a lot of the performances are a bit rough around the edges but this suits totally the documentary feel of the film . it seems like these are real people we are watching rather than actors playing roles . that is why the melodramatic turn of events comes as such a shock . up till that point  i was transported to this world where these real but mildly insane events were taking place . while the final half hour is not beyond the realms of possibility  it ', s unlikely in a way that is jarring to someone caught up in the world of the film . not just the events  but also the tone of some of the end is wrong  clashing strongly with the sense of fun that has preceded it . this is not to say that topless women talk about their lives is not a good film . as stated above  the first hour is superb and even the end is above average . it just takes a turn which means that an otherwise brilliant movie loses some of its gloss .
neg beware of movies with the director ', s name in the title . take " john carpenter ', s ghosts of mars " ( please ) . if the carpenter brand name wasn ', t superglued to the title  this embarrassment would surely have bypassed theaters entirely and gone straight to its proper home on the usa network . and i would have been spared a headache . the latest from the director of " starman  " " halloween " and " escape from new york " is a lousy western all gussied up to look like a futuristic horror flick . the production is set on mars in 2176  where humanity looks for relief from the overpopulation strangling their home world . six hundred and forty thousand people in a matriarchal society live and work at outposts all over the red planet  terra - forming to make it more hospitable for future generations . a matriarchal society . terra - forming . sounds pretty intriguing  eh ? well  don ', t get your hopes up .
neg august and september are a wasteland when it comes to children ', s films  and october is a dumping ground for munchkin movies the studios don ', t want to see slaughtered against family - oriented thanksgiving films . last year  the benevolent studio gods gave us digimon  and this year  they bestow max keeble ', s big move on delighted moviegoers across the country . parents will be thrilled because they ', ll finally have something to drag little austin and kayla to see that doesn ', t smell nearly as much like ass as digimon did . don ', t get me wrong - keeble  which is actually only a " ment " away from being a fetish film  isn ', t that entertaining . in fact  you ', d be better off waiting to blow your disposable income when the real kiddie pics ( monsters  inc .  harry potter ) come out next month . but if dubya dubya iii tells you to go out and spend money to stimulate the economy  then you ', d better do it ( because gassing up the minivan twice a week just isn ', t going to cut it ) . we first see young max keeble ( alex d . linz  home alone 3 ) as a pint - sized superhero  delivering newspapers with the pinpoint accuracy of a david beckham cross  foiling the diabolical plans of the evil ice cream man ( jamie kennedy  jay and silent bob strike back ) and landing the neighborhood honey ( brooke anne smith )  who  by the way  is the hottest chick in a disney film since emmanuelle chriqui played claire boner in snow day . the scenario is  of course  a dream . max is really a doofus and he wakes up on his first day of junior high school with a pessimistic attitude  no luck with the ladies and only two friends  both of whom can kindly be described as social outcasts ( and who were both in snow day ) - the perpetually robed robe ( josh peck ) and a clarinet - playing cutie named megan ( summer catch ', s zena grey )  who harbors secret feelings for max . things don ', t get any better for max when he arrives at school . he has to contend with  among other things  a red - hot science teacher ( amber valletta  family man )  a pair of polar - opposite bullies ( noel fisher and orlando brown )  and an illiterate principal ( larry miller  the princess diaries ) who ', s secretly diverting the school ', s last dime into the football program . when max ', s father ( grownup nerd robert carradine ) unexpectedly announces the family is moving to a new town at the end of the week  max decides this is the perfect time to exact revenge on everyone who pisses him off . whoa - don ', t worry  parents . he doesn ', t do it klebold - harris style . it ', s all pretty tame stuff  but max ends up in hot water when dad nixes the move  leaving his son dangling in the wind like so many tampon strings . director tim hill ( muppets from space ) adds a few nice touches  like max ', s voiceover character introductions for the film ', s main characters and a flashback scene that ', s pretty funny  but there isn ', t too much else happening here stylewise . . . unless you count some farting  a little puking  and a couple of bizarre cameos from tony hawk and lil ', romeo . 1 : 30 - pg for some bullying and crude humor
neg the event horizon is the boundary of a black hole . . . and  in the future  it ', s also the name of a spaceship that vanished when it tried to go faster than the speed of light by traversing through its own portable black hole . naturally  this is the setup for the other event horizon . . . the movie . when the ship suddenly appears at the point that it vanished at  just outside of neptune  the crew of the ship called the " lewis and clark " has to go to investigate  and dr . william weir  the creator of the " event horizon  " gets to come along for the ride . if you ', ve glanced at a poster for this movie  you know that  supposedly  what follows is " infinite terror . " well  i don ', t know about the " terror " part  but " infinite " certainly seems to qualify . . . event horizon is a mean - spirited  gory  sick excuse for a film . it starts off as an alien rip - off  and then degenerates into a pointlessly bloody slasher flick after about 40 minutes . at least for those first 40 minutes it ', s an * interesting * rip - off of alien . that ', s a lot more than can be said for the rest of them movie  which seems to go on forever . it not a scary monster movie  nor is it a psychological thriller . it is simply a movie which tries again and again to make the viewers feel sick to their stomach at the site of extreme gore . you ', ve seen this kind of movie before . the hellraiser series had plenty of scenes containing this sensibility . this is a kind of movie for which i have no respect  a kind of movie which i had hoped died out years ago . it is quite possible for a movie to frighten or shock its audience without resorting to nothing more than gore  but event horizon takes the low road  and the viewers pay the price . there are many good  respectable performances  from fishburne and neill most noticably . paul anderson ', s direction is impressive  as it was in mortal kombat . there are many nice special effects  mostly dealing with numerous common objects floating around in zero - gravity . the sets are beautiful to gaze upon . and richard t . jones ', character ( cooper ) is hilarious and extremely likable ( more so than most characters i ', ve seen in recent movies ) for the little screen time that he has . and none of this can save the movie from being a d - grade level of film . the idea of a ship that has some sort of life within its walls  a life that knows the fears and inner skeletons of the human passengers  is a promising one . a haunted house story in space isn ', t such a bad idea . but the final execution is extremely disappointing . that ', s not to say that philip eisner ( here making his feature film - writing debut ) doesn ', t have talent . for those first 40 minutes  he manages to make a tired premise interesting  adding in aspects of unique flavor into a rip - off story  and that ', s something that not too many writers can do . he even has one scene that  though it also tries to sicken the audience  has a honestly tense feel to it ( the scene in question deals with one of the crew being in an airlock while others try to save him from floating into space ) . he definitely has something of a gift  but it ', s not fully on display here . i certainly will look forward to seeing more from him  and i hope that his future work fully explores his talent and the story possibilities of the premise . but because of what this movie degenerates into  i have little or no respect  and got little or no enjoyment  out of it . if this is what we have to look forward to in the future of film  then i agree with laurence fishburne ', s sentiment - " god help us . "
neg there is a rule when it comes to movies . a sequel is never as good as the original . there are very few exceptions to this rule  and texas chainsaw massacre : the next generation is not one of them . now if you also take into consideration that the original chainsaw massacre was a really bad movie  and that this isn ', t even the first sequel to it  you have a recipe for a very painful viewing experience . don ', t be fooled by the presence of up and coming talents matthew mcconaughey ( a time to kill ) and renee zellweger ( jerry maguire ) . they made this movie before they were stars . judging by their performances they also made it before they took any acting lessons . it ', s a wonder they ever worked in hollywood again after appearing in this turkey . apparently the producers of this film realized just how bad it was  because it sat unreleased for years until someone decided that they might be able to capitalize off the success of mcconaughey and zellweger . apparently the two young stars were none too happy about this thing ever seeing the light of day . and i don ', t blame them  they would have been better off if this had been some sort of porno flick starring the two of them . unfortunately for them it is a horror film in which zellweger plays your typically stupid horror film character . while mcconaughey plays a guy who wears a mechanical brace on his leg that he controls with a television remote control . ( hey  don ', t say i didn ', t warn you . ) to make matters worse  leatherface  the chainsaw wielding maniac  who was never the scariest of psychopathic killers at the best of times  has now become a full blown cross - dresser  and spends the entire movie in drag . there is a plot to this movie but it isn ', t worth mentioning . let ', s just suffice to say that a group of teenagers are in the typical wrong place at the wrong time and are left to the mercy of remote control man ( mcconaughey ) and his lipstick wearing chainsaw revving half - witted sidekick . man  i can ', t get over just how bad this movie is . this film has absolutely no redeeming qualities . even the obligatory topless babe shot wasn ', t enough to hold my interest for more than 2 seconds . the writing is bad  the direction is even worse  but both of those things look good in comparison to the acting . this is the sort of movie that they should make people in prison watch . a guarantee you  if criminals thought that they would be subjected to this film they would never break the law again .
neg as a hot - shot defense attorney  kevin lomax ( keanu reeves ) has a special talent for picking juries that will ultimately acquit his clients . he is also an excellent judge of character  knowing just which strings to pull to sway the jury while breaking down a potentially damaging witness ', s testimony . and  on top of that  he ', s a damn good trial lawyer . in the opening scene  it is obvious that the defendant that he represents is guilty  but it doesn ', t hamper lomax ', s desire to creatively squeeze his client through the doors of reasonable doubt  thereby getting an acquittal . his unblemished record of victories soon captures the attention of one of the most prestigious firms in the country  headed by john milton ( al pacino ) . he is brought to their headquarters in nyc  where he immediately impresses milton  and is subsequently offered a full - time position as head of their newly - created criminal law division . lomax is soon given the case of his life . he must defend a real estate tycoon who has been charged with a triple homicide . the draw of fame and his desire to prove just how good he really is begins to isolate him in his own hell . he works late  defends the guilty  pledges his soul to his firm  and begins to neglect his smart but fretful wife  mary ann ( charlize theron ) . but what starts off as a promising john grisham - like story about conscience - stricken lawyers takes an abrupt detour as supernatural forces begin to tinker with the story . it begins like a typical parable where a small - town boy makes it big  but then has to balance his sense of self against the allure of money  power  and greed . but milton is far more than just a corrupt partner of the firm . quite literally  he is the devil in disguise  and as the movie progresses  he reveals some uncanny talents that one could have only if he had sold his soul long ago . freaky and frightening things begin to happen  and after much of the film has elasped  milton ', s horrifying intent is finally revealed . the movie tries to give us two separate and distinct acts . the first involves the comeuppance of lomax as a big - city trial lawyer . the second focuses on milton and his ulterior motive for employing lomax . unfortunately  the two never mix well into a cohesive story  and what we get are two underdeveloped stories that rely too much on one shaky revelation to tie them together and an impressive production piece to give it an underlying atmosphere . granted  the film is very handsome - looking . you ', ll enjoy the final scene where the wall mural seemingly comes to life during a heated speech given by pacino . you ', ll also like the images of power and temptation expressed through the fleshy and flashy parties . you ', ll also feel the loneliness and insanity that sets in with mary ann  knowing that her husband is slowly drifting away . this was one of the better storylines  but unfortunately  is only a sub - plot . as with all thing ', s involving the devil  you can expect nothing but the worst . in the first few scenes  reeves anchors the film  but then slowly drifts into the background . his path from self - vanity to self - consciousness is never fully explored . his actions seem arbitrary  and his reasons for them not fully known . pacino ', s comical portrayal is spirited  but the vanity of his character begins to shift the focus of the movie . there is another plot or two that is introduced  but never gets revisited . the focus seemed inconsistent throughout  and the final payoff seemed quick and cheap . this movie tries to be horrifying  thrilling  and dramatic all at the same time . however  while the devil ', s advocate strives to get noticed  ultimately it makes very little impression at all .
neg i ', m not sure i should be writing a review of the witches of eastwick  because i ', m not sure just what the hell ( pardon the expression ) was going on in it . however  i can express the most important observation i made of it  i . e . i didn ', t like it . if i had to summarize this film  i think i ', d conclude it was an updating of one of those old new england folk tales of someone selling their souls to old scratch and how they try to get out of the deal . that ', s the kernel of it  anyway . tossed into this are little bits and pieces that occasionally seem to be saying something about men and women  feminism  the role of the devil  modern reformers  and friendship . unfortunately  little or no effort is ever made to follow up and elucidate on these concepts ; they ', re simply thrown out and then left to rot while the film goes on apace . actually  i think that most of the audience was even more confused than i was . they came in expecting some kind of supernatural comedy  on the level of ghostbusters  and were a bit confused to be getting a folk tale with philosophical overtones . they laughed  or tried to laugh  at moments that were either barely funny  or much more horrible than funny  as if that could bend the film away from it ', s rather frightening direction . three women ( cher  susan sarandon  and michelle pfieffer ) live in eastwick  a small midwestern town . one night  while drinking late into the evening  they begin wishing for the ideal man to drop into their lives . in seeming answer to their idle daydreams  a wealthy eccentric moves into a mansion on the hill and seduces each one by attempting to be everything they want him to be . he soon shows evidence of mystical -- perhaps demonic -- power  and his devotion to the women ', s merest fantasies or wishes has dangerous overtones . even worse  when ignored his moods become ugly  and he mistreats the women for spurning him . anyway  the problems : all three female characters are fairly uninteresting  and several are cardboard stereotypes  especially sarandon ', s character . we never get inside them  never feel sympathetic to them  because their dialogue and personalities seem pretty bland . as for nicholson  well  even the devil needs a direction to go in  and while darryl van horne is the most interesting character in the movie ( due to the grace of the screenwriter and  more importantly  nicholson ', s acting )  he still can ', t be yanked in one direction and then another without making him a little vague . and then there ', s the special effects . not in themselves -- they weren ', t that good -- but their overuse . i was almost positive  until i saw the credits  that the witches of eastwick was either produced by alexander salkind ( who has turned out the slop named superman ii and iii and supergirl )  because of the big name actors in dopy stunts  or stephen spielberg  after the 18th vomit scene and the nicholson - blown - down - the - street stunt . nope  it ', s another bunch of guys  and directed by george miller  who has shown great skill with stunts / special effects before ( the road warrior  " nightmare at 20  00 feet " episode of twilight zone : the movie ) but apparently doesn ', t know when to turn off the wind machine and let his people act . f ', gawds sake  guys  this is jack nicholson ! let him loose ! let him grin demonically ! skip the splitting earth and fake lightning ! watching the scene where nicholson is tossed out of the car by the voodoo doll  all i could think of was  " what a waste " . if you ', re going to use slapstick like that  use it up on pee wee herman . nicholson does what he can with the role  and when he can find his bearings  can be extremely good ( the scene in the church  for instance )  but most of the time  he seems a bit stiff  as if he ', s not sure what he should be doing next . and no wonder . this script goes all over the map  giving you the feeling that it ', d just love to be allegory  but it ', s not sure about what -- maybe if you give it time it ', ll think of something . so what is the witches of eastwick ? a horror movie ? a folk tale ? a comedy ? a statement about women ? an examination of the religious right or comparitive morality ? i tend to think of the image that seems to dominate the movie for me . . . watching someone regurgitate half - digested bits of food and cherry pits all over rooms  people  the screen  and ultimately  the audience . in other words  a mess . ( $ 2 . 00 ) if you like nicholson enough to watch him here ; maybe 25 % of his charm is able to make it through the logjams of others .
neg the most interesting thing about virus is that the title of the film does not refer to the clunky robotic animals that try to kill our heroes . alas  it refers to our heroes ! as it turns out  the alien race that sends a computer virus to earth ( via the mir space station ) thinks of the human race as a virus -- perhaps even a cancer -- that needs to be eradicated before it spreads any further . after all  we have taken up this entire planet  and if they let us live for another billion years or so  we might advance beyond our solar system and into the next one . but the human race doesn ', t have much to worry about . after all  there ', s a woman named foster ( jamie lee curtis ) out there stopping the computer virus . she ', s the chief navigator on a sea vessel ; travelling with her is captain everton ( donald sutherland )  steve baker ( william baldwin )  woods ( marshall bell )  squeaky ( julio oscar mechoso )  and richie ( sherman augustus ) . they ', re all sailing in a typhoon one lovely evening when they stumble across an enormous  abandoned russian satellite ship in international waters . lucky for us  we already saw that the computer virus has taken over the ship and eliminated everyone on board . the evil captain everton thinks he ', s going to take the ship in and get a reward ; he convinces his crew that there ', s going to be big money  so they try to salvage the ship . soon  however  when it ', s apparent that no one is on board and that the ship has no power  they realize that something bad must have happened . finally  they meet nadia ( joanna pacula ) who explains their situation : a computer virus has taken over the ship ! it ', s creating bio - mechanical life - forms to eliminate the human race ! virus is a truly dumb action thriller  one of negligible intelligence and innovation . when considering the entire film  you will realize that it lacks a single original scene . it ', s a direct rip - off of nearly every james cameron film ( aliens  the abyss  and the terminator films are the most plagiarized ) ; more importantly  it ', s basically the same movie as last year ', s deep rising . i liked deep rising simply because it ', s funny -- it knows it ', s silly and derivative . virus takes itself seriously . and  in the most serious manner possible  it steals from every good and bad film of the genre  showing you countless familiar scenes  and sporting a cookie - cutter plot that any film of the sci - fi / horror genre could fit with a little trimming . but what is so amazing about virus is how poorly the whole thing has been thought out . okay  let me get this straight -- the alien race ( which is never really explained ) is basically sentient electricity . they need to make themselves physical  so they use a space station to get onto a ship ( which is surrounded by water  but who cares about that ) . on the ship  they make a bunch of clunky  immobile robots that somehow kill three hundred people . after that  they start using the dead people to create half - human  half - machine creatures that look like the terminator but are much worse at walking around . the leader  of course  is a big creature . every film like this has a big creature at the end  but the big creature in virus is so big that it has to tear down the walls to move around . virus is indeed a cliched film  but the central flaw lies in the fact that the computer virus just isn ', t very threatening . it ', s established that they can simply turn off the power to stop it  but the virus has sealed the power room by the time our heroes get there . on one level  virus is almost passable fun . it ', s really gory  and a few of the scenes have interesting camp appeal ( the director  john bruno  worked on a lot of cameron ', s films ) . there ', s also a nice array of actors  even though none of them do any acting ( except for donald sutherland  who does a lot of very bad acting ) . the bottom line  however  is this : virus is a bad movie . it rips off a lot of good movies that are worth seeing . in that order  i recommend that you rent any one of the alien films  simply to admire the qualities of a creature that actually threatens our heroes .
neg an american werewolf in paris is a failed attempt to recapture the humor and horror of john landis ', 1981 feature  an american werewolf in london . where the original had comedy  the sequel has the kind of revolting silliness that can be found in tv sit - coms . where the first installment had chills  this one has sequences that are inappropriately  unintentionally funny . in short  while an american werewolf in london has become something of a minor classic in its genre  the woeful an american werewolf in paris seems destined for late nights on cinemax ( it even has the necessary gratuitous nudity ) . the film opens with a trio of daredevil americans -- andy ( tom everett scott )  brad ( vince vieluf )  and chris ( phil buckman ) -- sneaking up to the top of the eiffel tower to drink wine and do a little bungee jumping . soon they have company in the person of serafine ( julie delpy )  who has decided to end it all . she jumps  but andy  with a bungee cord attached  goes after her  and manages to save her ( at the price of a major headache ) . serafine disappears  but a smitten andy seeks her out . however  once he learns his would - be girlfriend ', s dark secret  he wishes he hadn ', t . she ', s a werewolf  cursed to change into a hideous beast when the moon is full  and  to make matters worse  he has suffered a nasty bite himself . actress julie delpy is far too good for this movie . she imbues serafine with spirit  spunk  and humanity  which gives us an emotional stake in the character ', s fate . this isn ', t necessarily a good thing  since it prevents us from relaxing and enjoying an american werewolf in paris as a completely mindless  campy entertainment experience . delpy ', s injection of class into an otherwise classless production raises the specter of what this film could have been with a better script and a better cast surrounding her . delpy ', s previous credits include such memorable ventures as krzysztof kieslowski ', s white and richard linklater ', s before sunrise . she was radiant  charismatic  and effective in both . given the nature and level of the material she has to work with here  she gets as close as possible to those adjectives . it could be argued that delpy is the only reason to see an american werewolf in paris  but even her most devoted fans should consider giving this one a miss . and if your primary objective is catching a glimpse of her in the buff  check out either killing zoe or the passion of beatrice -- those movies have intelligible plots in addition to breasts . the rest of the cast acts at a level considerably below that of delpy -- which is to say  they give performances appropriate for the screenplay . tom everett scott ( that thing you do ) plays the lead like he ', s in a made - for - tv movie . it would be kind to call him bland . actors vince vieluf and phil buckman  as andy ', s friends  are no more impressive . julie bowen ( happy gilmore ) is suitably fetching as werewolf meat . and respected french actor thierry lhermitte has a brief turn as another monster meal . on the technical side  it ', s all bad news . the computer - generated werewolves look painfully unreal . the creatures would probably have been more believable had they been men in wolf suits . repeated use is made of the " werewolf cam "  an infrared wolf ', s point - of - view approach that ', s interesting the first couple of times it ', s employed  then becomes tedious . and the soundtrack includes some alternative grunge rock tunes that clash violently with the on - screen action they ', re matched to . director anthony waller  who displayed a confident  edgy style in mute witness  stumbles with this material  never being able to make the comedy and horror elements gel . as a result  we get the worst werewolf sequel since the howling ii : your sister is a werewolf . ( i will give waller credit for killing off a dog  though -- something that ', s rarely seen in movies these days . ) an american werewolf in paris is marginally entertaining in a " bad movie " sort of way  but that ', s a dubious distinction . ultimately  it ', s an unfortunate effort  for  while it isn ', t unbearable to sit through  it isn ', t a howl  either .
neg depending on who you ask  the original sin was either the eating of the apple  the act of disobedience against god  or the act of betrayal . but in case you didn ', t know this  don ', t bother remembering it . . . the words " original sin " never come up in the movie of the same name  let alone the concept of it . the closest the film even gets to catholicism is in its narrative ( the story is told by angelina jolie to her priest while on death row in cuba  circa 1900 ) . regardless of its senseless title  original sin does actually have a plot ( albeit one of the most mangled acts of screenwriting since the art of war  based on the book waltz across darkness ) . boy ( antionio banderas ) places personal ad sometime around 1900  searching for a wife . since this is a century ago  we narrowly dodge a remake of green card  only to find that the girl ( jolie ) faked her photo and is actually beautiful . skipping a few moderately useless sex scenes ( getting the question out of the way  yes  we get to see angelina jolie ', s breasts again )  the girl turns out to be a con artist  swindles boy for his money  and heads for the hills . original sin then briefly tries to be a thriller . we see boy go whore - chasing  saying he wants to find girl and kill her . but as soon as boy actually finds girl  instead of following what might have been a promising ( or at least not completely fucking boring ) thriller  the film degenerates into the worst dissection of the virgin / whore complex since milk money . girl toys with the idea of reforming her con - girl past  all the while avoiding the " other man  " a lover that keeps making her start these scams in the first place . add insult to injury with some of the worst stylistic choices in cinematic history ( literally half of the film is either in slow motion or uses a strobe effect )  and acting roughly the caliber of a b . b . gun  and original sin is one of the most torturous films of the summer  definitely front running to make my bottom ten of the year . don ', t even bother with original sin  but if you do go  be honest with yourself and admit its pure sex appeal . just keep in mind that although this film may not be the most original on the block  it ', s much worse than a sin . this is sacrilege .
neg wizards is an animated feature that begins with a narration of epic proportions . over black and white drawings  we are told that the earth is destroyed in an apocalyptic nuclear exchange  sending the remnants of humanity through generations of radiation - induced mutation . the " original " inhabitants of the earth  fairies and elves  return to populate the globe  along with their evil  mutant counterparts . one day ( and i say " one day " not to be trite  but because that ', s exactly how it happened - no advance notice )  a fairy queen gives birth to twins  one good and one evil . the twins grow up to be powerful wizards  the good one embracing magic  and the bad one utilizing technology to attempt to expand his evil empire . we are given the notion that an ultimate battle must occur between the forces of magic and those of technology . as unoriginal as the premise is  i was still somewhat interested in how this story would play itself out . there ', s a lot you can do in an animated fantasy world  after all . i soon learned  however  that the fantasy was the expectation of a decent film . once the transition was made from still art to color animation  an entirely different feel takes precedence . rather than the epic saga promised by the narration  we get a goofy - looking world of a saturday morning cartoon . not just the look  mind you  but all the zany sounds like > honk boing for years  blackwolf has lost his battles against the magical forces of good  since his armies of ogres and other mutants would get dispirited or distracted soon after battle is joined . however  blackwolf now has a secret weapon : nazis . yup  adolf hitler  the luftwaffe and the wehrmacht . okay  not the real things  but an archival film his minions dug up . projected into the sky for all to see  it inspires his own army while shocking the enemy into submission long enough for the ogres to hack them up . before you know it  there are dead elves everywhere . this is just as well . the characters are so bad that the viewer doesn ', t care about any of them . they ', re either silly  sappy  or both . the dialog gets much of the credit for this . an example is when avatar nonchalantly says  " well  looks like my brother and i begin our final battle . " not very formidable when he ', s also the guy who says  " this is the biggest bummer of a trip i ', ve ever been on . " my favorite line was from a sideline fairy who is asked by her child why good can ', t fight back against the nazi - charged evil . her response is  " they have weapons and technology . we just have love . " suffice to say  the characters are strictly two - dimensional  and we therefore don ', t expect anything more than the obvious to happen . which it does . the only unexpected occurrence is the way the final battle between brothers is played out  which is anticlimactic and disappointing . please note that it is the action that is unexpected . that it is disappointing is not . the film couldn ', t settle on a particular mood . it seems to move from dark to light with the cuts from scene to scene and even angle to angle . scenes which are seemingly meant to contain deep meaning are ruined by acts of levity . the dramatics  which seem to occur at random  are overly staged and overly acted  detracting from any kind of value or even enjoyment which could otherwise be gleaned . ralph bakshi  the director  makes an obvious attempt to get a message across in this film : hitler and the nazis were bad . so who doesn ', t know this already ? well  maybe children . okay  so you might say that this is a movie for children . it ', s not . in the scenes where good fights evil  there ', s a lot of violence and gore that children should not be seeing if they ', re watching a cartoon . so is the film for adults ? if so  we probably don ', t need to be bashed over the head to get the point . why not have the bad guys be symbolic of the nazis instead of using old propaganda in a seriously disjointed attempt to show us something we already know ? wizards gives us a lot of footage of nazi tanks and airplanes  and hitler giving speeches . however  we don ', t see any reason why they should be considered bad . we see no atrocities being committed  not even any real battle footage . there is absolutely no connection made between the armies of evil and the third reich  and we ', re not even given a cursory explanation as to why this stuff is inspiring in the first place . this needed to be thought out much more thoroughly if a point were to be made  since subject matter such as this deserves better treatment . i ', d like to assume that bakshi was trying to say that the same nationalist movement that drove the nazis could happen anywhere  at any time  and we must therefore be vigilant . however  i ', m not sure if i want to give him that much credit .
neg inspired by the 1958 film house on haunted hill starring vincent price . directed by william malone . starring geoffrey rush  famke janssen  and chris kattan . rated r ( contains violence  profanity  and brief nudity ) . synopsis : eccentric millionaire price offers $ 1  000  000 to each of his guests who appear at a gathering at a former sanitarium . the only catch is that they have to survive the night at the establishment  an establishment haunted by its former staff and patients . comments : house on haunted hill is based upon the original 1958 film of the same title directed by william castle and starring vincent price . in an obvious homage  the millionaire ', s name is price and he sports a thin mustache like price used to have . this is a pretty bad horror film  yet bad horror films sometimes are very entertaining  and house on haunted hill is just such a film . it is  surprisingly  better than another recent haunted house remake  the haunting  a film which owes its basis to the classic horror novel by shirley jackson . the haunting had literary pretensions and fell flat on it face . house on haunted hill owes its lineage to a b - movie 40 years old and makes no illusion that it ', s a crappy horror movie . thus  somehow  it proves slightly more successful . i can ', t think of another recent film which has had such an eclectic cast . it is this cast which lifts this ho - hum thriller into a borderline entertaining exercise in camp horror . price  the main character  is played by geoffrey rush  the academy - award winning actor of shine . rush seems to be making a downward spiral in the movie industry  a spiral reminiscent of ben ( ghandi  schindler ', s list ) kingsley ', s ridiculous appearance in the camp sci - fi classic species . i don ', t know why  but sometimes it ', s entertaining to see " quality " actors in bad movies . more surprises ? rising star taye diggs plays a stereotypical african american sports figure ( rather lamely too )  and singer lisa loeb ( ! ) appears as a tv news reporter . the highlight of the cast  however  has to be saturday night live member chris kattan . kattan ', s comic sense provides several good humorous moments as he plays the hysterical proprietor of the former sanitarium . while the first half of the film leaves the audience guessing as to what ', s exactly going on  the second half dissolves into standard ghost story stuff and loses some of its suspense . a disappointingly cheesy ending really mars this movie too . house on haunted hill  i suspect  has just about left the second - run theaters . it ', s worth catching on cable next year  if you get a chance . if you have a choice  pick this movie over the haunting  it ', s the better of two evils  you could say . though  more appropriately perhaps  it ', d be better to say that it ', s the better of two turkeys .
neg capsule : liebes meets tod . this was a film about sex and death . a morgue attendant accidentally revives a dead woman through necrophilia and brings her into his world which is heavy on orgies . this film says something obscure about the relationship of sex and death  but imparts no insights . to make matter worse this print was poorly subtitled into english from french . 0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) - an attractive 18 - year - old dies on a disco floor and gets sent to a morgue . one of the attendants  ben ( jean - marc barr ) is so attracted by her that he attempts necrophilia . we see him crawling away after a shock . in the middle of sex the dead teen has come back to life . - the morgue attendant was just adding a new form of sex to his collection of kinks . he was already part of a group that gets together for s / m sex . the revived teen  teresa ( elodie bouchez ) joins them . - moral dilemma of teresa ', s father . ben has abused his daughter ', s body  but in doing so has saved her life . - part of this opaque allegory is a man saved from suicide who joins in the sexual hijinx . also involved is a man in the final stages of dying of aids  a close friend of the morgue attendant . he does not get involved in the orgies . - the subtitles of our print were white  often on a white background making them often hard to read  but i don ', t think there was a whole lot of meaning there that was lost . - the title means " don ', t let me die on a sunday . "
neg you know that a movie has issues when most everyone in the audience comes out laughing . . . and it ', s not a comedy ! and what a strange career path for director chuck russell . he starts his career off with a decent take on the " nightmare on elm street " series with his debut as director on installment number three . he follows that up with the blob the very next year  but waits another six years to do his next piece  a little film called the mask starring jim carrey  and then one more star vehicle in eraser two years after that . so then he thought  " let me wait another five years  get a weak script jammed with cliches and hope that jimmy smits and kim basinger could pull it out of its ashes " ? ! ? strange dude and one crappy flick . plot : a six - year old girl is believed to be some kind of mysterious prophet sent down from god . a satanic cult wants the girl to switch over to their side  while the girl ', s aunt wants to . . . well  save her from those damn devil worshippers ! enter one occult expert agent  plenty of bobo cops and lots of nuns praying  and you ', ve just about got the gist of things here . critique : with plot holes the size of my ass  this movie barely squeezes any sense out of its clich ? - ridden plot  with wasted talent  cheezy effects  bad dialogue and unintentional laughs to boot . what ', s good about this movie ? well  rufus sewell is pretty fun to watch as the head of a creepy runaway children ', s shelter / satanist supreme  with seriously wicked eyes and just enough ham in his performance to go with all of the cheese lying around . the little girl is also pretty good but unfortunately her character doesn ', t really do all that much . and believe it or not  i was actually enjoying some of the film ', s first half hour  which starts off with some promise  but not before bonehead moves after bonehead moves from our protagonist  basinger  just drown the film ', s entire basis of believability . for some reason  it takes her more time than anyone to figure out that her niece is gifted  and even longer to figure out that every move that she makes . . . is a dumb one ! add that to the entire police force of incompetents  save for jimmy smits ( whose talent agent advised him that playing the exact same cop character from nypd blue would be a good career move ? at least change the clothes  jimmy ! )  zero scares  zero thrills and even less actual drama  and you ', ve got yourself a pretty bad movie . and why would respected actors like christina ricci and ian holm take bit parts in this movie ? did they owe the director a favor or something ? together  they barely have five minutes of screen time  but i suppose that ricci ', s hospital room scene might be worth a look for some of you horn - dogs . the worst part about this movie is its hilariously unbelievable ending  which features police officers coming up with the brilliant idea of " sneaking up " on a man ', s house  who they know to be guilty of a crime ! uuuhmm . . . how ', s about knocking on the door and arresting his sorry ass  officers ? ! anyway  i don ', t usually inscribe spoilers in my reviews but the stupidity of some of these characters is just too difficult to describe without validating it with solid idiotic proof ( and there was plenty to go around ) . and did basinger lose some of her acting " talent " during her hiatus from the profession after her 1997 oscar win ? difficult to say if it was her lines that were really bad  or if she just delivered them poorly . either way  little originality  very obvious computer effects  little thrills  little drama and very little entertainment value  certainly bestow the honor of one of the worst movies of the summer upon this film . but if you really don ', t mind a rehashed gobbledygook of various satanic and " kid " - based thrillers  and enjoy watching films that don ', t bring anything new to the table . . . well  drink some beers  smoke some beans and rent this video  because it may just be one of the funnier thrillers of the year .
neg adam sandler vehicles are never anything special  but continue to make a load of money . which really goes to show the sad state of cinema today . while good comedies like rushmore  to choose a recent example  gets limited release and doesn ', t make a lot of money  big daddy got a huge release and has made a lot of cash . it ', s also nothing special and doesn ', t deserve the money it ', s making . but i digress . sandler plays sonny koufax  a unemployed new yorker with a seemingly low mental age . his girlfriend makes a ultimatum to him : either wise up and get responsible  or she ', s leaving him . by a strange set of events  koufax ends up with julian ( played by twins cole and dylan sprouse ) a five year old kid . after a failed attempt to impress his girlfriend with the child  koufax decides he wants to keep the child . however  social worker mr brooks ( mostel ) finds out that koufax isn ', t the real father and wants to take julian back . koufax along with his new girlfriend layla ( lauren adams ) fight to keep the child . big daddy really isn ', t that good . many of the jokes revolve around toilet humour  and supposedly we are meant to find julian and sonny peeing against a wall to be funny . there ', s the occasional good one liner  but these are usually strangely delivered wrong and lose most of the humour . the film  after all these silly gags  then suddenly turns sentimental  and this is where big daddy really goes from bad to hideous . the court scene at the end of the film is useless and unbelievable  and not helped by the soppy overacting . it ', s a poor attempt to win over the audience . adam sandler basically plays the same role he has in his last few films ( except the wedding singer . ) joey lauren adams is much  much better  and deserves a far better film than this trash . steve buscemi pops up in a funny cameo  and his scenes are pretty funny . rob schneider is also funny as a crazy delivery man . the two twins who play julian are o . k  they start out rather well  but then becoming annoying and brattish halfway through and finally turn ', all american ', wholesome goodness at the end of the film  where the tear juice is turned up high . big daddy is really nothing special  and is not even worth it for a few chuckles . although it is actually well put together  with nice direction  good production design and even some montages  this professionalism can ', t help the fact that the script and characters are trash . big daddy is for die hard fans of sandler  and that ', s about it .
neg deserves recognition for : making this relatively youthful critic feel extremely old and crotchety20 capsule review : this is what feel - good family entertainment has morphed into in the 90 ', s : an hour - and - a - half commercial  disguised as an unnecessary remake  in which the defining image is that of a grown man launching a volume of green protoplasmic goo out of his ass . ( between this  rocketman  and george of the jungle  disney has recently eclipsed longtime champion troma as the studio most likely to include a fart joke in a film . ) as the absent - minded professor who invents the titular computer - generated goop  a listless robin williams manages the difficult task of making original lead fred macmurray seem sprightly . the only thing that made this film borderline tolerable for me is my newly - founded but firm belief that writer / producer john hughes is going to spend his eternal afterlife being conked in the noggin by all of the different blunt instruments he ', s used for comedic effect in films like this and the odious home alone series . take your kids to see boogie nights instead .
neg any movie that kills emilio estevez off in the first fifteen minutes has something going for it . unfortunately  this and the familiar theme music are the only worthwhile things about mission impossible  directed by brian depalma . the first problem is that this film has absolutely no connection with the tv show whatsoever  aside from the music . the tv show was about an impossible mission force whose deft teamwork  orchestrated by jim phelps  allowed them to counfound evil dictators of mythic banana republics from inflicting their sordid schemes upon the world . teamwork was the key . this film is set up as a cross between james bond and depalma ', s " blow out  " where the john travolta character was the victim of real and imagined conspiracies from all directions . it was travolta ', s vulnerability that made that film so exciting and claustrophobic . in this film  tom cruise is basically omniscient ( believe that ? ) and so there ', s no fun going on here whatsoever . the story is about as contrived as contrived gets  and is full of holes . there are basically two memorable sequences : one involves breaking into a kubrickesque computer room -- a task that could have been made much easier had the characters a whit of common sense ( suffice it to say that the alarm system is disengaged when the computer operator is in the room ) ; the second involves a high - speed train  a helicopter  and the chunnel and does not have to be seen to be disbelieved . the actors are all miscast  especially emannuelle beart as jim phelps wife  who cannot act  and ving rhames as a computer hacker ( ! )  who looks lost and embarrased to be in this movie . tom cruise is no james bond  and jon voight looks more like bobby " the brain " heenan than jim phelps . brian depalma ', s career has been bafflingly erratic . at his best  he beats hitchcock at his own game ( " blow out  " " carrie  " " body double " ) but this is not his best . the screenplay was partly written by robert towne  who wrote the best scenario of the seventies in " chinatown  " but this script is perfunctory at best  and terrrible at worst . the cinematography has a comic book red / blue emphasis  which is nice to look at  but the suspense sequences are all telegraphed and this movie even features the old " killer who talks too much before shooting thus giving the victim time to think of an escape " trick . please don ', t spend your money on this ; it ', ll only encourage hollywood to make more .
neg movies based on video games  such as street fighter or mario bros .  have never generated much interest at the box office . but when the first mortal kombat movie came out in 1995  it did surprisingly well . with a simple story  a pulsating soundtrack  and lots of awesomely choreographed fight scenes  the movie moved quickly and displayed lots of energy . it got my vote for ', the movie where i expected the least and got the most ', . and  if you haven ', t had the opportunity  i would definitely recommend that you see it on video . in the world of mortal kombat  based on the popular arcade game  dark forces from outworld try to infiltrate earth ', s realm with the ulimate goal of total conquest and the destruction of humanity . the mortal kombat refers to a competition  fought by human mortals against outworld ', s minions  which if won  will guarantee earth ', s safety for another generation . mk2 picks up almost immediately after the humans return victoriously from competition . despite their victory  however  a gateway has somehow opened  and outworld continues in its quest to conquer earth . outworld ', s warriors include an impressive collection of fighters  including shao kahn  mintoro ( a centaur )  sheeva ( a four - armed ogre )  and sindel . earth ', s mortal warriors  under the leadership of the benevolent god  lord rayden  includes liu kang  princess kitana  sonya blade and jax  who must fight against outworld ', s forces . it ', s an easy enough premise  but unfortunately ( very unfortunately )  the writers try to do too much with the movie . it is only a video game  after all  but the on - screen version tries to go beyond it ', s comic book boundaries by adding depth  a conceptualization of self - worth  and worst of all  a love story . this becomes very awkward  because all of the players are fighters and nothing more . they are likable and impressive when they are showcasing their martial arts and fighting skills  but look extremely awkward and uncomfortable when they are required to actually act . this becomes embarrassingly apparent  for example  as the movie tries to develop a romantic bond between liu kang and princess kitana . the original mk was smart in letting the players do what they do best . they spoke little  but fought a lot . thus  the movie was easy to digest . however  mk2 tries to give these players a certain amount of depth  an element that was lacking in the first movie  but the attempt here fails miserably . this uneasy feeling is readily apparent  for example  whenever you hear lord rayden speak . not only does he talk in riddles and offer enigmatic ( e . g . useless ) advice  but he speaks so slowly as if to simulate infinite wisdom . try reading this half as fast  and you ', ll hear what i mean . but the movie is not a complete fatality . fight scenes are well - choreographed  highlighted by terrific acrobatics and agility . and players of the game will be rewarded with the inclusion of practically every character from the video game  although their screen time amounts to nothing more than a cameo . even if you ', re not familiar with the video game  each fighter has their own costume and unique weaponry to easily differentiate themselves . but it ', s just too little of what movie - goers and especially fans of the game will expect . oddly  the inclusion of the human element actually pollutes the purity of the mortal kombat essence . and the poor acting results in a muddled movie that offers the viewing audience little chance for survival . ( i am now talking very slowly as if to simulate infinite wisdom ) . rent the first one  but the sequel is for kombat fans only .
neg if you don ', t think kevin kline in drag is funny  wait ? til you see will smith in drag - it ', s even less funny . by the time jim west ( smith ) disguised himself as a belly dancer to bail his captured comrade  artemus gordon ( kline )  from the clutches of evil dr . loveless ( branagh )  i was unequivocally bored by wild wild west  the new summer blockbuster from men in black director barry sonnenfeld . is the old west really a breeding ground for high comedy  anyway ? ( if your answer is no  then you recall rustler ', s rhapsody or back to the future part iii ; if your answer is yes  you ', re thinking of blazing saddles  but that movie was a parody of the western genre  not a nineteenth century romp . ) 1869 . jim west is a quick - draw lawman who teams up with brainiac federal agent gordon  under orders from president grant ( kline again  whose impression  for all we know  is dead - on )  to apprehend legless loveless  the mad inventor who is plotting to divvy up the united states and sell it back to britain and spain . how will loveless accomplish this ? well  by hulking around the desert in an enormous  mechanical tarantula  of course . bosomy dance hall girl rita escobar ( hayek )  whose scientist father was kidnapped by loveless  joins west and gordon on their gadget - filled train . ( gordon first discovers rita in a cage  waiting to be rescued . ) racial politics obviously prevented the filmmakers from pairing dull rita romantically with west  despite the movie ', s " hip " attitude toward the black thing . ( west automatically shoots anyone who calls him a " nigger " before that person can finish speaking the word . super . ) at any rate  i kept waiting for rita to say something humourous  but she ', s a walking dress - up toy . ( her single comic moment is also the best shot of the film : she bashfully reveals bare bumcheeks through the peek - a - boo flap of her pyjamas . ) jim west is the role that finally stymied will smith  whose comic timing has always been hit or miss  as episodes of " the fresh prince of bel - air " demonstrate . smith ', s a better reactor than actor  which is why he was so thoroughly engaging in men in black - he didn ', t start out a hero . in wild wild west he ', s required to exude eastwood cool and amuse at the same time ( and from frame one )  a difficult feat i ', m not sure any living performer could pull off . smith is ill equipped  for example  to handle the moment in which jim west performs stand - up for some rednecks at his own hanging . what attracted sonnenfeld to this material ? this isn ', t the first time he has adapted a tv show for the big screen ( the addams family  anyone ? )  but it ', s the first big stinker of his career as a director . wild wild west is poorly - paced bombast  full of doa gags ( ted levine shows up as a general who uses a gramophone horn for a hearing aid ; levine played buffalo bill in the silence of the lambs - he ', s too intense to get an intentional laugh )  lousy special effects ( the bluescreening is amateurish - foregrounds are never proportionate to the backgrounds )  and frequent illogic . ( to wit  its ridiculous villain so badly wants jim west out of the way that he . . . drops him onto a steel platform to do battle with some generic  ugly henchmen  instead of shooting him at point blank rage with one of the many guns on board the tarantula . ) wild wild west ', s bright spots  such as the cool opening credits sequence  bai ling ', s all - too - brief appearance as a femme fatale  or the brilliant " his master ', s voice " joke  are all part of the film ', s first half  which is more clever and enjoyable  at least  than its second . when  towards what seemed like the end of wild wild west  gordon proposes the idea of building an airplane and west rejects it  there was a collective groan among audience members : it meant we were going to have to sit through another loud action sequence before gordon builds the glider  the invention of which would inevitably lead to the proverbial whiz - bang finale .
neg if you have ever seen fox tv ', s special car chase programs  you ', ll have a good idea about the content of ronin  the new action " thriller " from director john frankenheimer . the film involves a mysterious briefcase  that several groups of terrorist want to get their hands on . an irish women  dierdre ( played by the truman show ', s natascha mcelhone )  hires a group of mercenaries to assist her in getting the briefcase . among the people she hires are sam ( robert de niro )  vincent ( jean reno )  and gregor ( stellan skarsg ? rd from good will hunting ) . dierdre ', s groups assignment is too seize the briefcase while the current owners are transporting it . they accomplish this task  but a traitor is in the bunch and the briefcase is soon on the run again . the briefcase stays on the run  as the movie leads the viewer through several plot twists that are badly executed . the writer seemed to be attempting to make a smart action movie  but failed to understand that just because there are surprises  it doesn ', t add too the credibility of a senseless script . the plot twists get no reaction because they come at a time where no one cares what is going on  after the apparent climax of the film . but to add to the excitement  as i mentioned earlier  there are endless car chase scenes . they are unrealistic and fail to add anything to the story . don ', t get me wrong  i love car chases  but they were overdone and too long here . we never do find out what ', s in the briefcase  but i doubt anyone cares by the time they finish sitting through this two hour long attempted thriller .
neg the happy bastard ', s quick movie review wild wild west a better name for this movie might ', ve been " wild wild waste " . warner bros .  in an attempt to get their own men in black style of movie  had managed to lasso in some big names ( actor will smith and director barry sonnenfeld  the duo behind mib ', s success ) in order to get their own fourth of july blockbuster  a contemporary big - screen update to the classic western / sci - fi series the wild wild west starring robert conrad . but somehow  they ran into a problem along the way . they were so busy trying to fill specific roles that they forgot one in general that would ', ve made all the difference - a story writer . wild wild west ', s story and script was compiled by six different people  rather than just the one who put the brilliant touches on men in black  ed solomon . if warner bros . had gotten him  the movie would ', ve possibly been five times better than what it is . heck  ten times . as is  however  the story and screenplay is a mess  filled with dead laughs  enough racist and sex jokes to make even will cringe as he ', s performing them  and a complete lack of chemistry that made the tv show work so well . here ', s the story : us army member james west ( will smith ) teams up with creative genius artemus gordon ( kevin kline ) to take on a ruthless villain by the name of arliss loveless ( kenneth branagh )  whose lower half was blown off during the civil war  leaving him to roll around in a steam - controlled wheelchair . they catch onto a plot of his involving a superweapon that can basically be considered an 80 - foot tarantula ( although it looks bigger than that )  hellbent on destroying anything in its path . as i said  the way the script unfolds is a complete mess . but the acting doesn ', t help either . kevin kline is miserable as gordon  failing to display even a smidgeon of care as he did in the 1985 western silverado . smith seems to be having a better time as west  although he ', s not nearly as charming as he was in mib . branagh goes excessively over the top as the villain  perhaps to the point where we can ', t even stand to look at him or his strange beard . and salma hayek is along for the ride to search for her missing father  but mostly she exists just for sexual attention . her acting is barely passable  but what a " breath of fresh ass " . director barry sonnenfeld isn ', t of great help either . even though he shows some good creativity at some points  his overall urgency for directing is lost . it ', s as if he feels he ', s directing a tv movie  a big no - no when you ', re helming what ', s supposed to be a big - screen hit . last but not least  there are huge gaps of logic that are just plain unacceptable . at one point  smith defies gravity when first boarding kline ', s train . he jumps on the back  gets launched straight up in the air  and somehow manages to land three cars ahead on the train - while it ', s still in motion ! also  he seems to be strangely comfortable talking about racism in front of a lynch mob  particularly considering the fact that his family was killed by the likes of such folks . last but not least  why is he still making kissing faces when he knows he ', s not kissing a woman as he ', s looking through a peephole at the enemy ? ! the only saving grace for wild wild west come mostly in the form of special effects . the huge mechanical spider is a technical marvel  very authentic looking and considerable to the creativity of the show . there ', s also a good sequence involving metal magnet neckbraces and spinning saw blades  but  again  a logic question comes into play regarding their polarity . i would say sit back and have a good time with wild wild west  but it really isn ', t possible . if the racist and sex jokes don ', t bother you  the performances will . if the performances don ', t bother you  the story will . if the story doesn ', t bother you  the racist and sex jokes will . there ', s no end to the vicious circle . go rent men in black instead and pretend smith and tommy lee jones are wearing cowboy hats . you ', ll have a better time . if you do go  keep an eye out for robert conrad in a role as president grant . i bet he wishes he were somewhere else . . .
neg old soldiers never die  they just turn into cliches soldier a film review by michael redman copyright 1998 by michael redman the warrior and the lover are two personality aspects that find it difficult to exist in the same body . jungian archetypes  these two opposites need each other to create a whole  but it ', s difficult to integrate both . often we ', ll encounter lovers who think everything is just wonderful and  with the help of jung ', s magician  sit around imagining grand schemes . without the drive to manifest their plans  much less the wisdom to recognize the darkness  all they have are dreams . warriors on the other hand  are ready to go to war at the drop of a hat  and will do combat with every last bit of their energy . they don ', t care enough about anything to know what ', s worth fighting for : gladiators who live only for the battle . this dichotomy not only describes individuals that we all know  but can also illustrate societies . america during the late sixties was a conflict between old style cold warriors and the new hippie lovers . todd 3465 ( kurt russell ) is a living  breathing archetype . chosen from birth as a soldier  he is raised by the government to be a killing machine . his childhood is cruelty and competition . he is indoctrinated with the big rules . never question authority . winning is everything . strength beats knowledge . a veteran of numerous intergalactic wars  todd is 40 and he ', s obsolete . a new generation of genetically engineered soldiers are faster and stronger . left for dead after a test battle with the best of the new killers  caine 607 ( jason scott lee )  he ', s unceremoniously dumped as trash on arcadia 234  a garbage world . obviously our hero is still alive . he finds a group of shipwrecked settlers abandoned on the planet who nurse him back to health . when the peace - loving colonists get a good look at who todd is  they are afraid of him and he is exiled to live by himself amid the junk on an environmentally hostile world . they are the other good guys . these lovers find that they need a warrior when the military coincidentally chooses this world to conduct exercises for their improved human weapons . todd finds himself in the role of protector . what could have been a fascinating look at the roles played in our culture and the fears of an ultra - right wing future is ruined by turning the film into a cartoon . the effects are mostly second - rate explosions or jerky slow motion . the plot is old hat . we don ', t get even a glimpse at the society that created the soldiers . hardly anything makes sense . the film ', s science fares badly . with all the remarkable advances we ', ve made in just 37 years ( the film takes place in 2036 )  we ', re still stupid . after conquering the stars  for some reason we use vast amounts of energy to load up huge space ships with rubbish tote it to a landfill light years away . even stranger  the garbage barges appear to double as time machines . virtually all the trash is vintage 1960 . there is nothing in the story that is not predictable . the first thing that todd sees after coming back to life is sandra ( connie nielsen )  the woman just a little too beautiful to be living in such harsh conditions who is taking care of him . it doesn ', t take a genius to foresee that her husband isn ', t going to be around much longer . is it a shock to find out that the film ', s climax is an unarmed battle between todd and caine ? who would you guess wins ? some of the scenes would work if this were a comedy . todd ', s first awakening of human emotion comes when he glimpses connie ', s nipple poking through her thin blouse . later as he sits by his lonely campfire  a tear rolls down his dramatically lighted cheek in slow motion . supposedly this clich ? isn ', t meant to be humorous . dastardly col . mekum ( jason isaacs ) with a pencil - thin mustache is as real as snidley whiplash . responsible for last year ', s quirky and visually enticing but problematic " the fifth element "  director paul anderson sees the film as " shane " in outer space . maybe  if shane were played by sylvester stallone in rambo mode . the movie doesn ', t even work as an action film . there is never a question as to the outcome . somehow the new superior soldiers don ', t prove much of a match for todd . the acting isn ', t anything to write home about . nielsen almost comes across as a real person but is soon relegated to a background victim . russell is buffed - up and does a credible job but it ', s not much of a challenge . uttering around 100 words during the film  mostly what todd does is hit things and stare grimly into space . gary busey as todd ', s commanding officer is completely wasted in his low - key role . everything blows up and occasionally it looks cool . sometimes the sets are impressive . unfortunately " occasionally " and " sometimes " don ', t make a film . most disappointing is that the screenplay is by david webb peoples who wrote " blade runner "  possibly the best science fiction movie ever made . sharp - eyed viewers will notice a few obscure references to that film . peoples says that this is not a " blade runner " sequel  but a " sidequel " that takes place in the same universe . although that may have been the intent in his original script  the result is more like a bad television series that the " blade runner " replicants watch to pass time . perhaps those artificial humans would find this entertaining . ( michael redman has written this column for over 23 years and wants to wish everyone an appropriate halloween . . . whatever you ', d like it to be . )
neg " what is this  a homicide or a bad b - movie ? " that is the prophetic question asked by one of the leads in one of the early scenes of this movie . let me clear things up for you cupcake  this isn ', t a bad b - movie  it ', s a really bad b - movie . so bad  it ', s almost good . almost  but not quite . the movie starts off in the 1950 ', s with space aliens sending a botched experiment down to earth . it is a bunch of slug - like creatures that kill people and take over their bodies . the slugs ', first and only victim in the fifties is cryogenically frozen where he is of no danger to anybody . that is  until two loser university students unfreeze him in 1986 . he  and the slugs inside him  promptly begin wreaking havoc and turning more co - eds into slug zombies . a slightly crazed cop ( tom atkins ) and the requisite girl with the face of an angel ( jill whitlow ) join these two geeky university students ( jason lively and steve marshall ) to do battle with the slugs . it more or less falls on the four of them to make the world safe again from the evil slugs . the acting is bad with a capital b . the story is worse . and the special effects are somewhere between an old rerun of star trek and what you see in a home movie . the only saving grace was the requisite tit - shot courtesy of jill whitlow . it had absolutely nothing to do with the story -- but i liked it . actually  it was the high point of the movie for me . of course  that isn ', t really saying much . the story moves around in a hap hazard fashion . which gives it a leg up on some other horror films . unlike most movies of this genre  there actually is a story . not a great one  but it is there . this is one in a long line of movies from the 1980 ', s that were thrown together to capitalize off the success of the friday the 13th  halloween and nightmare on elm street movies . you could randomly select a movie out of the horror section of you local video store and probably luck into something just as good if not better . but night of the creeps might make a nice addition to a b - movie horror marathon . just don ', t be too upset if you can ', t find it . you really won ', t be missing that much .
neg there ', s a scene early on in " jawbreaker " where a character utters the unintentionally prophetic line  " that is * so * not funny " . how right she was . this pathetic tale of three high - schoolers who accidentally kill their best friend in a birthday kidnapping prank gone horribly awry is never even remotely funny . or fun . or original . not content with the too - obvious " heathers " heisting  the filmmakers proceed to lift freely from a staggering variety of sources  including " carrie "  " bride of frankenstein "  " blue velvet "  and even shaw ', s pygmalion  itself recently remade as " she ', s all that " . " jawbreaker " is a pastiche  and not even an enjoyable one . i find it extremely telling that the most engaging part of the film is the credit sequence  a jawbreaker factory montage inexplicably backed by veruca salt ', s " volcano girls " ; serving as a blueprint for the rest of the film  the song has absolutely nothing to do with the footage we ', re watching . just close your eyes and pretend you ', re listening to an alt - rock station ; you won ', t be missing anything . the blame for a mess this big has to be spread around among the principals . rebecca gayheart  following roles in " scream 2 " and " urban legend "  should have known better than to take yet another role in yet another teen body count movie . pam grier has totally wasted any credibility she might have gotten from her role in quentin tarantino ', s " jackie brown " . and rose mcgowan should just quit acting . she has no charisma  no presence  and no acting skills other than rolling her eyes and looking disaffected . mcgowan manages to be upstaged by her real - life boyfriend  rocker marilyn manson  whose fifteen second role here is far more interesting than anything any of the " real " actors are doing . manson  sans trademark makeup & contact lenses  and with an obviously fake moustache  looks eerily like nicholas cage ; who woulda thunk it ? that crack about direction by committee wasn ', t merely a pithy sound - bite . stylistically  thematically & narratively  " jawbreaker " is all over the map  varying wildly in tone & content from scene to scene . though credited solely to writer / director darren stein  one gets the feeling that no two scenes here were actually guided by the same hands . if stein was indeed responsible for the whole of this atrocity  someone needs to get the man some drugs  pronto . prozac  lithium  kava  ritalin  something  anything . he ', s quite obviously in desperate need of chemical help . " jawbreaker " is a monumental waste of effort and resources  and quite likely one of the single worst films i ', ve ever seen . to call " jawbreaker " garbage would be to insult garbage . bad flicks for the rest of the year are safe ; i ', ve already got my pick for worst film of ', 99 . " jawbreaker " runs approximately 90 minutes  though it feels longer than " titanic "  and is rated r for language  sexual situations and graphic violence . not recommended for kids  teens  or anyone else .
neg can you say " dated " ? you can if you ', ve seen rosemary ', s baby which  like the exorcist  was a thrilling horror film in its time but seems boring and laughable in the decades that have passed since its original release . " mystery science theater 3000 " has skewered the bad films of the past  but let me tell you  it could do a number on the " good " ones too . rosemary ', s baby stars mia farrow ( from the time she was actually good - looking ) as an innocent housewife and her not - so - innocent husband ( john cassavettes )  an actor who takes an easy  albeit evil  road to success . it all seems so harmless in the beginning . mia and john move into an apartment where several past murders have been committed . ( there ', s also a skull in the living room  but it ', s only for decoration . ) their elderly neighbors pop in for a housewarming . all ', s well for about the first hour of this slow - moving film  until mia eats some of the neighbors ', chocolate mousse and passes out . when she comes to  she finds herself in a darkened room with a bunch of people yelling and dancing like savages and a big  evil man raping her -- a foreshadowing of her future life with woody allen . it seems like a dream and  when she finds herself pregnant  she almost forgets about it . and everyone ', s helping with the pregnancy . the neighbors have some wonderful vitamin potions for her to drink  a good - luck charm for her to wear around her neck  and the name of an obstetrician who ', s been in the business 66 . 6 years . meanwhile  mia begins having chronic stomach pains and losing a lot of weight . before too long she looks just like the lead singer of the cranberries . that ', s when you know your health ', s failing . the only person in the movie who ', s the least bit suspicious of all this is an old friend ( maurice evans ) who calls mia up to give her the bad news -- and immediately falls into a coma . by about the two - hour mark i felt the same way . rosemary ', s baby is way too long  and leads up to a payoff that ', s about as boring and laughable as the rest of the movie . i guess someone put a spell on this movie .
neg " the 44 caliber killer has struck again . " starring john leguizamo  mira sorvino  adrian brody  jennifer esposito  michael rispoli  bebe neuwirth . rated r . summer of sam will be remembered as a waste of spike lee ', s abilities . lee is a great filmmaker  often exhibiting kinetic visual flair on par with brian depalma and martin scorsese and a storytelling ability comparable to steven spielberg . but here  he gets himself into a bind . his latest effort is a case of a director pretending he has something to say when in reality there is little of substance to absorb from his work . the summer of 1977 was an unusual summer in new york city . it was the hottest summer on record . to boot  new york ', s first serial killer was on the loose : calling himself the son of sam  david berkowitz killed 9 people in the new york area and frightened the whole city population . so it was understandable that when nyc was hit with a citywide blackout  people went berserk  causing billions of dollars in damage to the city . the movie ', s focus is on a group of twenty - somethings during that fateful summer : vinny ( john leguizamo )  a club - hopping  adultrous hairdresser  his benevolent wife dionna ( mira sorvino  looking young )  ritchie ( adrian brody )  a punk who becomes an outcast as well as a son of sam suspect  a gang of small time mobsters and a few more minor characters . we follow them through their roller coaster lives  thrown out of whack even more by the recent killings . vinny and dionna have marital problems because vinny cheats and dionna tries to please him  make him stay faithful to her . ritchie gets shunned by his group of friends because he has started to become more and more " eccentric  " and has degenerated to the point of dancing in gay night clubs and making porno films with his girlfriend . tensions build and conflicts arise as the anniversary night of son of sam ', s first murder looms ; the night he promises he will strike again . a local gang with too much time on its hands makes a list detailing all of the people that its members think might be suspects . at the top of the list is ritchie . vinny  an unwilling part of the said group  is called upon to set a trap for his friend . as we watch these proceedings  some of which are painfully graphic  the dreaded " so what ? " question springs to mind . from the way this movie is made  i ', d have guessed that spike lee was trying to tell us something  but as i searched deeper it became clear that there is very little there to find . lee touches on so much -- the media  the 70 ', s punk scene  the details of the actual killings  as well as the characters ', very personal dilemmas -- but he doesn ', t bring all of his topics together to form a coherent theme or make a discernible statement . all is not lost if a movie turns out to be hollow ; it can be a saving grace for the film to be enjoyable . too bad summer of sam doesn ', t get any help here . frankly  it ', s a bore  a redundant and repetitive two hour and twenty minute film that doesn ', t entertain beyond its first half hour . there is no suspense because the film refuses to be fully about the murders and little involving drama because the film is too muddled and its focus too vague . leguizamo ', s turn as vinnie is annoying and whiny . the script makes it clear that we ', re supposed to believe that his character is flawed  but still a good guy . you ', d never guess from his performance . adrian brody and especially mira sorvino fare better . sorvino gives a riveting  touching performance in a banal movie ( i ', m tempted to think that i liked her because nearly everything else around her was inane ) ; her character is affecting and her emotions true - to - heart . brody  too paints an effective portrait of a young guy desperate for attention who gets a little more than he bargained for . summer of sam has some superficial elements of a good film : it looks great  it has a few notable performances and i suppose it ', s pretty well directed  in a purely technical way . but it ', s also empty  pretentious and boring . like last year ', s the thin red line  it ', s a movie by a director who doesn ', t know what he wants to say but goes ahead and says it anyway . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
neg wow  a film without any redeeming qualities whatsoever . i ', m amazed that someone thought this was a story that must be told on screen . many blacks in hollywood complain that they are not nominated for awards based on their race . i think first they need to concentrate their energy on themselves  and stop making movies which makes them look like nothing more than sex - crazed buffoons . even i ', m offended by it . bill bellamy is a " player " which means he sleeps with a lot of women and lies to them . what a pleasant main character . one day  his friends decide that they want to find out how to be a player . why they decide this " one day " i have no idea . how many years have they been friends and why all of a sudden would they want to learn ? anyway  bellamy agrees to teach  and his wonderful lesson to his friends consists of letting them ride in his car while he rides from house to house having sex with women . this is the bulk of the film folks  guys riding from house to house  one keeps getting out to have sex  while the others sit in the car . since russell simmons is producer  and since the official title of the film is " def jam ', s how to be a player "  i was ready to be jumping up and down and stomping my feet and beating the person next to me because of the comedy . amazingly  aside from gilbert gottfried ', s 90 seconds of screen time  there was no comedy in the film for me to express myself in such a manner . instead of jokes  there ', s just an endless stream of profanity and naked breasts ( and naked breasts aren ', t so bad  but naked breasts alone don ', t make a good movie ) . be sure to bring along your ebonics to english dictionary as well . gilbert gottfried ', s character serves as one in his very brief appearance  asking for explanations as to what is being said . they should have brought him along for the entire film . [ r ]
neg bob the happy bastard ', s quickie review : the odd couple ii grumpy old men  it ain ', t . hell  my fellow americans  it ain ', t . walter matthau and jack lemmon team up again for an even more worn out vehicle than any of their films over the past few years . odd couple ii feels terribly generic  where in the first movie  made thirty one years ago  feels like a wonderful tale . that ', s like repackaging campbell ', s soup in a generic food can  really . how writer neil simon could ', ve made such a horrible mistake in screen writing is beyond me . throughout the movie  i really didn ', t laugh once . honestly . i mean  there were dumb situations  yeah  like the cropduster who let these old geezers have it without any notice  but they just really didn ', t seem funny to me . and that car rolling off the cliff ? the only way i would ', ve seen humor in that is if they were still in it . and the ending gets all super - mushy  too . in the final twenty minutes or so  lemmon meets a girl he thinks is the one  then loses her ; matthau talks to his son ( a wasted jonathan silverman ) about his amrriage to lemmon ', s daughter ; and  of course  lemmon and matthau have another roomie situation on their hands . ooh  i really gave a lot away there  i ', m sure . consider it a hospitable gester  you won ', t waste your time renting this muck .
neg the summer of 00 ', wasn ', t a very good one for devout cinephiles . it offered no blair witches or sixth senses ; the best big budget hollywood could do was an efficient x - men adaptation and a flawed but entertaining shaft update . nurse betty signals the unofficial end of that dreadful summer movie season and the commencement of a potentially brighter fall movie season  that battery - charging ( at least for critics who have to sit through every piece o ', shit that moseys into multiplexes ) time of year when all those oscar contenders ( read : " quality " films ) compete for audiences . alas betty has the dubious distinction of being the first overpraised junk heap of the new season . it ', s also indie director neil labute ', s first attempt at something resembling a mainstream picture  and i ', m sad to report it ', s a resounding failure ( at least on this web site )  a mess that ', s as hopelessly saccharine as people have accused labute ', s previous films of being unrelentingly masochistic . i went in expecting something decent  for betty was gleefully praised  it ', s screenplay even winning an award at cannes  but i exited shaking my noggin in bewilderment . are critics so desperate for something unique that they ', re blind to how derivative the particular brand of " uniqueness " betty dolls out is ? for the first time labute is working from a script he has not written  and he seems unsure of how to handle the material . betty tries to be hip like pulp fiction ( this is another flick featuring a pair of strangely bright and articulate hit men )  enchanting like the wizard of oz ( of which this film makes several allusions to ) and heartwarming like [ stick in your favorite loveable misfit movie ]  but by the end it left me cold with its calculated desperation . it ', s labute ', s half hearted attempt to make a crowd pleaser and he doesn ', t even seem to have half that heart in it . nurse betty concerns a soap opera addict  betty ( brilliantly played by renee zellweger )  who witnesses the killing of her husband  del ( aaron eckhart playing the most casually loutish husband since richard benjamin in diary of a mad housewife ) by two hit men ( morgan freeman and chris rock ) . she happens to have her most beloved soap on in the background and somehow merges the two realities . she ', s blocked out her husband ', s death and thinks she ', s a character in her favorite soap  a reason to love . betty sets out on the road to la ( with some drugs unknowingly stashed in her car trunk ) searching for her soap boyfriend dr . david ravell ( greg kinnear ) while the two bickering hit men follow in not so close pursuit . the labute who birthed the extraordinary in the company of men  slipped a bit ( but not much ) with his sophomore effort  your friends and neighbors  then fell straight on his ass with bash  a play he penned that was recently aired on showtime . the play demonstrated no forward movement as an artist  only labute ', s persistence in wallowing in the horrid things " average " people do to each other  usually with out realizing how horrid they themselves are . in the play  paul rudd  as an obnoxious jock  delivers a monologue detailing how he once followed a gay man into a bathroom and beat him maybe to death  while his clueless girlfriend essentially regards his sadistic behaviors as something along the old maxim " boys will be boys " . another character  schlubby businessman reacts to the loss of his job by actually killing his own baby ! what was once so powerful about labute ', s work  the casual  nonchalant cruelty and selfishness ( often elements we all have in us amplified to a disgusting degree ) had become so over the top it was borderline comic . obviously  at this point  labute could use a dose of some different kind of material before he pigeon holes himself further  but nurse betty isn ', t it . he clearly has little passion for what he ', s doing here  instead replacing his mojo with strained quirks ( one of the hit men is a huge soap fan  and the character of betty would be little more than a one joke gimmick if zelllweger hadn ', t managed to transcend that ) tailor made to appeal to the widest possible audience . nearly every scene between chris rock and morgan freeman fatally slows the picture down  as the two are made to enact soft - boiled tarantino - esque dialogue . they evince little chemistry  with rock constantly in over the top rant mode  acting more like an angry comic than any thing resembling a hit man ( an occupation that ', s represented far too frequently in movies nowadays ) . i think rock is a great comic yet he hasn ', t been able to bring his feral intelligence to movies  whenever he acts  and no matter the part  it ', s like he ', s doing the damn chris rock show . surprisingly ( at least considering her work in me  myself and irene ) renee zellweger gives a revelatory performance  building on her baby faced  apple pie looks . that wide - open face and helium voiced earnestness suggests a little girl not fully grown into her thirty - year - old body . it ', s the best work she ', s ever done . freeman is effective as always  though his performance nonetheless suffers because it seems at odds with where the movie wants to take it . the actor plays the role in his usual calm  collected manner  though the flick tries to insinuate a symbolic kinship between his character and betty ', s  suggesting that both are controlled by their fantasies rather than reality . that ', s interesting but the movie doesn ', t do anything with it other than crash land the sub - theme into a labored speech in the midst of a badly staged gun battle . the film has good moments ( many of the scenes involving a very good greg kinnear  especially his confrontation with zellweger )  an almost soothing  lyrical score ( and you know a movie ', s in trouble when the score sticks out as one of the best things about it ) but nothing jells  it ', s parts  good or bad  are so disparate as to be opposing . the film might have worked had it settled on being one type of film  a mainstream  female forrest gump or an oddball art film  but as both if it falls as flat as diet coke . betty ', s screenplay makes the mistake of relying too much on concurrence  without which betty wouldn ', t make any progress in the film . nurse betty is a film driven by coincidence rather than charter  like how betty becomes a nurse in the film  a job that she takes in order to get closer to her imaginary lover ; she happens to be at the hospital at the exact moment that a drive by shooting takes place and miraculously knows how to take care of the victim ', s wound because she happened to see how on tv  which leads to her being offered a room with the victim ', s girlfriend who eventually gets betty into a party where she meets kinnear ? ? ? a little too tidy  don ', tcha think . betty has an interesting theme  though it doesn ', t even seem aware of this . the current state of tv has been leaning towards reality television what with the enormous success of survivor and moderate success of big brother  with more on the way . this is a film about a women so deluded as to think that her favorite soap opera is reality ( ironically real - life survivor sean kennif has taken a part as a doctor on the soap opera guiding light ) . instead of exploring this timely matter in a way relating to the current tv craze ( since the film does largely appear to be a satire of television  albeit one that would feel more appropriate in the ', 80s than the ', 00s )  the film simply uses betty ', s delusions as a plot device to get her from point a to b . no progress is made and little is unearthed except that maybe labute could use a bit of rest and a lot of contemplation .
neg what do you get when you rip - off good movies like woody allen ', s bananas and martin scorsese ', s after hours ? you ', d think you ', d get the best of both films . instead you get woo . falling in somewhere between def jam ', s how to be a player ( which was awful ) and booty call ( which was ok )  woo is yet another in the embarassing genre of showing african - americans to be nothing more than sexual buffoons . the whole film plays out as a black version of after hours  as wild woman woo ( jada pinkett smith ) goes out on a blind date with straight - laced tim ( tommy davidson ) . mayhem follows them . for some unknown reason ( read : contrived screenplay ) davidson puts up with all of woo ', s antics for the entire night  which include her destroying his bathroom mirror  stealing things from his house  violently questioning him ( accusing and belittling him actually ) about previous girlfriends  causing a riot in an elegant restaurant  and other various infuriating things that any normal person wouldn ', t tolerate . but for the sake of this bad movie ? sure  why not ? there are a few chuckles in the film  the best being the scene swiped directly from bananas . in this case  davidson is running from thugs  gets into a subway car as the doors are closing  starts to taunt the thugs  then the doors open back up again . a good joke  but a stolen one . another chuckle is provided by billy dee williams ', cameo as himself . movies like woo are seemingly released every three months or so  and not one of them has ever been a hit . woo won ', t be one either . so why was it made ? and more importantly  isn ', t there anyone else besides me who thinks these films are offensive ? everyone involved should really reconsider their careers at this point . [ r ]
neg wild things is a way to steam up an otherwise dreary early spring day ? provided  of course  that you ', re the victim of a frontal lobotomy . there is  in fact  no doubt about who this motion picture is aimed at : movie - goers in their late teens and early twenties -- the most lucrative target group . this is film noir for the mtv generation : fast - paced  slick  flashy  gleefully mindless  and hollow to the core . wild things is easily one of the five dumbest movies to arrive in theaters during the first eleven weeks of 1998 . i ', ve seen more convincing drama ( with nearly as much bare flesh ) on that pinnacle of narrative quality  baywatch . wild things wants to dupe viewers into thinking it ', s a thriller with a real story . what it is  however  is a series of increasingly - improbable and shockingly predictable plot twists . everything in between those serpentine moments is filler -- a flash of a breast  a spatter of blood  and some of the most idiotic dialogue this side of a steven seagal movie . the film tries so hard to surprise its audience that the twists end up being easy to guess -- just take a stab at the most unlikely thing to happen  and that will probably be it . using this approach  i was right three times and wrong only once . that ', s not a good average for a production that wants to keep viewers in the dark about what ', s around the next corner . the ad campaign uses two things to sell this movie : the hot  young cast and the old standby  sex . both have an abundance of screen time  although i ', ll admit that the film ', s erotic content is somewhat less impressive than i expected . nothing about wild things is exceptionally risqu ? . the soft - core sex sequences are generic  and don ', t generate much heat . the lesbian kisses can ', t hold a candle to those in bound . theresa russell and denise richards have only token topless appearances ( neve campbell  possessing an iron - clad " no nudity " clause in her contract  keeps her clothes more or less on ) . the film ', s greatest curiosity is a full frontal shot of kevin bacon climbing out of the shower . maybe a few girls will skip seeing a fully - clothed leonardo dicaprio for the thirteenth time in titanic to catch a glimpse of what kyra sedgwick ( mrs . kevin bacon ) is familiar with . the director of wild things is john mcnaughton  whose last effort was the finely - tuned psychological thriller  normal life . that movie featured copious sex  a pair of real characters  and a powerful script . it ', s difficult to believe that something this shallow could come from the same film maker . but i suppose we all need to put food on the table . mcnaughton appears to have completely lost his way here  in what is obviously a stab at mainstream success ( his previous wide - release picture  mad dog and glory  was a box - office disappointment ) . quick cuts and pretty sunrises can ', t even begin to cover up this movie ', s flaws . the main character ( and i use that term lightly  since no one in wild things shows more than an occasional flash of personality ) is sam lombardo ( matt dillon )  a guidance counselor at florida ', s blue bay high school . a student  the deliciously curvaceous kelly van ryan ( denise richards )  has a crush on him . one afternoon  she comes to his house to wash his car  and  when she leaves  her clothing is torn . after confessing to her mother ( theresa russell ) that she was raped  she goes to the police station  where she tells her story to detectives ray duquette ( kevin bacon ) and gloria perez ( daphne rubin - vega ) . they are skeptical about here claims until another girl  suzie toller ( neve campbell )  comes forward with a similar tale . meanwhile  sam  convinced that he ', s being set up  goes to a shyster lawyer ( bill murray ) for help . the acting in wild things isn ', t very good  but none of the principals have much to work with . this is definitely not a character - based motion picture . not only does the ludicrous screenplay ignore the possibility that someone in the audience may have a triple - digit i . q .  but it doesn ', t bother to give any of the on - screen individuals even a hint of depth . the men and women populating the picture are there to look nice  but nothing more . matt dillon is given plenty of opportunities to flex his biceps . neve campbell gets to model the slutty look . denise richards strikes a fetching pose in a see - through  one - piece bathing suit . and nothing in the film gets a rise out of kevin bacon . the only one who ', s even remotely interesting is bill murray  and he seems to think he ', s in comedy  not a thriller ( maybe he ', s got the right idea ) . columbia pictures has specifically requested that critics not reveal the film ', s ending  which prompts the question : which ending do they want kept secret ? wild things has no less than three ( one occurs during the end credits  so stay seated )  all of which are jaw - droppingly absurd -- a feat that joe eszterhas ( the writer of basic instinct and showgirls ) would be impressed by . thanks to jeffrey kimball ', s polished  kinetic cinematography  wild things always looks great  and george s . clinton ', s score keeps it pulsing and throbbing . but  no matter how shiny the superficial sheen is  this is still trash  and  like all garbage  it stinks .
neg like a good action film should  " metro " has action that keeps you involved . some action films have action sequences that are so conventional  our attention is detracted and diverted by other thoughts . " the ghost in the darkness  " which opened a few months ago  is a film that s action was so bland and uninvolving  it not only invited my thoughts to divert me  it nearly put me asleep . but " metro " is one of the best action films in a while . it is hip  sharp  nifty  and has nice little pieces of suspense and comedy . eddie murphy was in bad shape for a while . and this invites me to mention last year s " the nutty professor  " which was his blessed revival back to the position at which he used to be . " metro " happens to be a lot better than any film in the " beverly hills cop " series . that is because " metro " takes itself seriously  but doesn t prevent itself from having a little fun . eddie murphy is at his best in the roles of responsible  and controlled people . the " beverly hills cop " movies all featured eddie as a reckless  wild cop  always crossing the line by just an inch . in " metro " he plays a hostage negotiator  so negotiation is his job  not his hobby or his preferred way out of trouble . his character in " metro " takes himself seriously . eddie murphy s mischievous trademark grin is hardly anywhere to be found in " metro  " and perhaps it is quite better off that way . murphy plays scott roper  and as i previously mentioned  he is a san francisco hostage negotiator . in the first tense situation in the film  we are introduced to roper s kind of work  as he tries to calm down a confused  unkempt young criminal who has taken captive the entire capacity of the san francisco bank he is holding up . murphy handles the scene seriously  without his usual happy - go - lucky  misfit humor . the film develops when its villain is established  and the villain here is the beguiling michael korda  a jewel thief  and murderer who likes to let cops know of his hostage fatalities by giving them the ear of the victim . " metro " takes different twists and slight turns  and there is one great  virtuoso chase scene  involving the a cable car . cars flip . cars crash . cars turn over . and it is done so good in this film  i was reminded of " speed  " and the speeding bus that couldn t go under fifty mile per hour for very significant reasons . there are also some other good scenes in " metro " that a lot of films would rather choose not to have . scenes like the one with roper and his new partner are at the horse track roper is a gambler who knows all the tricks and roper teaches his partner a few little methods of betting and winning . of course  the writers tried to disguise the scene as being insignificant by having roper draw parallels between hostage negotiation and gambling . the scenes between roper and his girlfriend are nice  too . those are the scenes that make up " metro  " which is mainly about eddie murphy s maturing as a personality . the actor that i most enjoyed seeing in " metro " was michael rapaport  who plays roper s new partner  a lip - reading  book - skimming genius  and a master of observation . it was not the actor s presence that pleased me as much as the role he was cast in the role of a proclaimed genius . rapaport is an actor who i usually see in the role of the dimwit the really  really dopey dimwit . i hardly recognized him in " metro  " and it was quite a joy to be able to see him in a role like this i feel that i respect him more . there are two main types of villains in movies like this : the ones that are part of the story  and the ones that are devices . the villain in " metro " is no more than a device  but he is a darn good villain nonetheless . he is played by michael wincott  whose voice is pushed out in a abraded rasp  as if he smokes a cigarette between every take . wincott makes his villain  korda  as mean as could be  the classic type of villain who would push an old lady down a flight of stairs just for kicks  like richard widmark in " kiss of death . " and  in addition  wincott s physical appearance and mannerisms  in the film  actually reminded my of an arrogant friend i use to have  who is no longer on my good list . i liked " metro  " and i do not think would have worked with any other actor but eddie murphy . his past roles were the great ones but they were also a precursor to the maturing that would later take place  possibly from murphy s growing as a person  now having a family . " metro " is a no - nonsense movie . it works as a buddy movie  which it does not overplay . it works as a dry comedy  which it does not overplay . it works as a suspense film  which it does not overplay . and it works as an action film  where it does have a tendency to occasionally go all - out . but who cares ? it still remains serious  and it does not overdo itself . oh  and there were plenty of explosions in " metro  " as well . how nice it was of the filmmakers to give us those . if there is one major objection i had to " metro "  it was the length  an area where a lot of action films seem to wear out their welcomes . " metro " is a film that lasted a little too long  but it was still entertaining  and it gave me something to do while i waited for it to end . paul haynes " >
neg capsule : dumb dud of an entry in the body heat sweepstakes  and now something of a landmark for having spawned a jillion clones . basic instinct ', s worst crime is that it ', s not just a bad movie  but in many ways  an incompetent one as well . it ', s stupid in itself  and stupid to think its audience is as stupid as it is . it ', s supposed to be a thriller  but the plot is dead on its feet  and ultimately arbitrary ; it ', s only put into the movie to jerk us around . it ', s also supposed to be sexy  but it ', s instead got the unpleasant rawness of a teenager showing younger kids his collections of dirty pictures . it ', s a ripoff . the story opens with a rock star being murdered while in the throes of orgasm . the biggest suspect is an authoress  catherine tramell ( sharon stone )  who wrote a novel in which the murder was eerily presaged . or maybe it ', s the work of a copycat ? these and other plot threads get fed to the detective who ', s on the case ( michael douglas )  who has a few problems himself . like we wonder if his elevator goes to the top floor . we can measure with a stopwatch the time from them setting eyes on each other to the moment they are doing the mattress dance . joe eszterhas has written the screenplay  and he uses a device that he used before in the much better jagged edge : the killer ', s identity is kept a secret until the movie ', s final shot . this isn ', t in itself a problem -- the problem is that up until that point  we ', ve been given nothing to work with . every clue in the movie -- every clue -- is ambiguous . the whole thriller aspect of the movie is a shill . red herrings  dead plot threads  violence  and kinky sexuality litter the movie like potholes in manhattan streets . they add up to zip  because they ', re not happening to people we care about . douglas ', s character is foulmouthed and bitter and that ', s it ; stone ', s character has an iron - on smile that never changes ; the rest are forgettable . when we don ', t even have the luxury of giving a damn about anyone in the movie  who cares what happens in it ? especially with an ending that is not only unsatisfying  but in many ways inexplicable ? ( a friend of mine once came up with a rule of thumb about movie characters : " if no one in the movie behaves like anyone you know  or would * care * to know  just leave ! " ) one of the nastier things about the movie is the way it treats lesbianism not as an integral part of someone ', s life  but as a kind of kink -- something to thrill men with . i despair whenever i encounter this kind of stupidity in mainstream entertainment ; are we still so culturally neanderthal that the only way to include something like that in a big - budget hollywood film is as a hefnerism ?
neg capsule : gal is a 50s - ish london cockney gangster who has retired to spain . his old associates want him for one last job and send the vicious don to give him an offer he can ', t refuse . a standout performance by ben kingsley as don cannot save what is essentially a set of cliches recycled from old westerns .  0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) roger ebert asks in his review of sexy beast  " who would have guessed that the most savage mad - dog frothing gangster in recent movies would be played by . . . ben kingsley ? " my response would be that anyone who has seen alan arkin in wait until dark  henry fonda in once upon a time in the west  or anthony hopkins in the silence of the lambs should have guessed it . they should know that the way for a film to create a really creepy sociopath is cast someone who generally plays mild  sympathetic  or even ineffectual character roles . the same characteristics that make an actor seem gentle in most of his roles can work in his favor when a role calls for him to be fierce and vicious . that is the principle that works for kingsley in sexy beast . gary " gal " dove ( played by ray winstone ) has retired from a london career of crime and is living on a luxurious villa in spain . life has become a routine of sunning himself and relaxing . but his paradise is about to be shattered by a one - two - punch . the first punch is a boulder that comes rolling down the hill next to the villa . the second punch comes from gal ', s past . back in london gang boss teddy bass ( ian mcshane  tv ', s lovejoy ) is planning to break into a safety deposit room in a bank and he wants gal . he sends his most rabid henchman don logan ( ben kingsley ) to fetch gal . don will accept any decision gal makes from " yes " to " certainly . " however  if gal says " no " don will do whatever it takes to turn it into a yes including threatening guy ', s ex - porn - star wife deedee ( amanda redman ) . in the meantime don knows just how to get under everybody ', s skin . kingsley makes don a compact package of fury and nastiness . there are some serious problems in louis mellis ', s and david scinto ', s script that should have been caught before filming . when we see the actual crime we have no idea why gal was so important to its success . beyond an ability to use skin - diving gear  no special talents are required of him . any local hood could have done what gal is needed for . additionally the crime involves digging from a swimming pool to the bank vault  flooding the vault . no only could they have let the water out of the pool and avoided the complication altogether  but there is by far too much water to be accounted for by what was in the pool . in spite of the provocative title  the story is cliched and overly familiar . i know i have seen all the plot elements of sexy beast in old westerns like the law and jake wade . the story is usually of the reformed outlaw  a robert taylor type  who has hung up his guns and is trying for a life of peaceful respectability . the old gang  however  wants to do one more job with their old buddy and sends a rabid richard widmark type to go and git ? im . it is not a great plot . in sexy beast even the plot twists have gray beards . perhaps the film has a little more respectability because it was made not as a western but as a stylish british gangster film . it is an old plot dressed up to look new . if the plot is old  at least the style is creative . this is director jonathan glazer ', s first film  but he has reputedly done some notable tv ads for guinness stout . his style does have some unexpected touches including some very odd dream sequences . cinematographer ivan bird uses a lot of half lit scenes . we see one side of a person ', s faces . but the other side fades into the darkness  a sort of metaphor for the half - world these characters in - habit . half of everything that is happening is also kept hidden . we yanks will have a hard time with some of the dialog . at least in my theater it was difficult to make out the words with the quiet speaking  the heavy accents  and the cockney language . sexy beast is a very and familiar minor plot lent respectability in the us by being done in what is here a still somewhat novel genre  the london crime film . the plot may be new to british crime films  but it would be overly familiar as a western . further respectability comes from ben kingsley ', s high - powered performance . i give it a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg synopsis : back - up quarterback moxxon becomes starting quarterback midway through his senior year of high school  even though he ', d rather read " slaughterhouse five " than the playbook . evil football coach kilmer throws away moxxon ', s book  though  while the evil team physician injects painkillers into the players . in the meantime  moxxon ', s kid brother forms a cult  and a bubblegum - blond cheerleader smears whip cream on herself to seduce the new star quarterback . comments : since i usually review horror and science fiction films  i feel a little out of my league discussing this teen football movie . ( pun intended . thank you ! ) varsity blues was produced by mtv  and it really shows . several extended scenes allow for a continual soundtrack of mediocre pop songs meant to appeal to the adolescent male audience this crap was intended for . the teenagers all have reasons for their melodramatic angst . the adults all have problems  of course  and  as one - dimensional characters  they are all fanatically obssessed with how their local high school football team performs . yes  this movie represents high school life in mtv - land . this is a land where your health teacher is also a part - time stripper  your ice cream store attendant girlfriend wears an egyptian ankh around her neck  your kid brother forms a " cute " cult  your football coach is an uncaring  obssessive madman  and your friends ', lives consist of nothing but getting laid and driving around in cop cars naked . all you  as the main character  want to do  however  is read " slaughterhouse five " and attend brown university in the fall . well  at least this is a little more realistic than mtv ', s " the real world . " varsity blues stars james van der beek  this week ', s teen tv star making the leap to the big screen . he plays the hick moxxon adequately  though some of his emotional dialogue will make people chuckle . ( " you dawn ', t own mah life ! " who would want to ? ) jon voight  the stock evil guy in countless other movies  is  surprise  the stock evil guy here . but is he really evil  or is he a product of society ? after all  everybody  young and old  in this movie has no life whatsoever and do nothing but obssess over high school football . maybe the pressures of the 90 screaming fans at the football field drove evil coach kilmer evil . the film ', s screenplay never answers this burning question . at times  iliff ', s story does show glimmers of touching or humorous scenes  but  before the audience gets their hopes up that there might be something redeeming in this movie  they get trashed with another lengthy party sequence or overwrought football game . the movie ', s pacing is slow  and the plot turns are mindnumbingly obvious from start to finish . i suppose i ', m being a little hard on varsity blues . maybe i ', m just a little miffed that i had to pay 3 bucks to see it  even though it was dollar night at the cinema . something about a request from the studio made the theater charge more money . i found the film oftentimes ludicrous and boring . three guys in front of us smuggled beer into the the theater . i wished i had thought of that . alcohol  lots of it  may have helped the viewing experience .
neg susan granger ', s review of " american outlaws " ( warner bros . ) thomas edison ', s " the great train robbery " ( 1903 ) was the first western ever made and " jesse james under the black flag " ( 1923 ) first introduced the outlaw folk hero . now  more than 20 similarly - themed pictures later  jesse james and his notorious gang of outlaws ride again in a banal mtv spin on an american legend . the story begins as jesse ( charasmatic colin farrell ) and his brother frank ( gabriel macht )  cole and scott younger ( scott caan  will mccormack ) and trusty comanche tom ( nathaniel arcand )  after four years of fighting for the rebs in the civil war  return to liberty  missouri - only to discover union troops are occupying their hometown . and an avaricious east coast railroad baron  thaddeus rains ( harris yulin )  is forcing farmers to sell their land at less than true value  aided by allan pinkerton ( timothy dalton ) and his infamous detectives who  back then  were just thugs who provided security . but when ma james ( kathy bates ) becomes one of their victims  jesse and the rest of the guys ( gregory smith  ty o ', neal  joe stevens ) form the james - younger gang to wreak revenge by attacking the railroad ', s supply lines  sabotaging track and robbing the banks where the payroll is kept . plus there ', s romance - between jesse and a spunky hometown gal  lee mimms ( ali larter ) . working from a politically - correct  clich ? - drenched  sanitized and revisionist screenplay by roderick taylor and john rodgers  director les mayfield keeps the action fast - paced and goes for lightweight laughs when he can . the choppy editing hurts but russell boyd ', s cinematography  luke reichle ', s designer duds and trevor rabin ', s music lend authenticity . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " american outlaws " is a galloping  formulaic 3 . it ', s the wild west re - visited as a date movie .
neg dear god  this is a fantastically bad film ! regardless of what i say about knock off  you can ', t grasp its awfulness from my words . you have to see it and experience it for yourself . here ', s the kicker  though -- i suggest that you do so . yes  this is a bad film -- easily one of the most incompetent films of the year -- but it has a certain misguided charm that makes it a unique kind of disaster to endure . in fact  i enjoyed myself for most of its brief running time  despite the dreadful acting and a completely incomprehensible story . don ', t get me wrong : i ', m not excusing knock off . it reaches an unacceptable level of badness ; it ', s so incoherent that i wonder if it was hacked up worse than the avengers was . it also features some truly terrible performances from lela rochon  michael wong  paul sorvino  and -- of course -- jean - claude van damme . it does  however  have the entertaining presence of rob schneider  and the excessively inventive and pretentious direction of tsui hark . as i watched it  i occasionally wondered if it was aware of its own awfulness . now  in retrospect  it seems clear that it wasn ', t  but it ', s still a fascinating kind of mess . i don ', t like writing plot descriptions ( it is  by far  the most boring part of writing a review )  but  in this case  i ', m off the hook : there is no way i could write an accurate synopsis for knock off . for the sake of comparison  i had no trouble understanding the usual suspects during my first viewing . i paid closer attention to knock off  and the only thing i am able to say about it is that van damme plays a dude named ray  and is accused by the cia ( i think ) of selling knock off products ( knock off products are  of course  products that look like name - brand materials but are generic and cheap ) . i don ', t know what any of this has to do with martial arts  but there are lots of martial arts in the film . ray is good at martial arts  so when he has to beat up bad guys  there ', s no problem . rob schneider plays his sidekick  although i had no idea who he really was by the end of the film . lela rochon is just some woman who accuses them of stuff  while paul sorvino is both the good guy and the bad guy at once ! in fact  every character goes through so many shifts from good to bad that the end provides absolutely no insight into what any of them really do . in that order  knock off is completely incoherent and makes absolutely no sense . but what a strange mess it is . it was written by stephen e . de souza  who also wrote die hard and 48 hours . can this be the same man ? i don ', t see how  unless  of course  huge chunks of the film have been removed for the sake of running time . knock off seems to have an interesting premise ( as far as action films go )  but there ', s no semblance here . for instance  van damme is introduced  and then seconds later he ', s running a chariot race through the streets of hong kong . why ? who knows . what are the implications of this ? i have no idea . most action films abandon depth in favor of action  and this is normally a problem . knock off  however  is the first film that i would have preferred to see with all of the talky sequences cut . the acting is embarrassingly bad : rochon  in particular  delivers each of her lines with stiff and talentless insincerity . sorvino  in addition  deserves better than this . van damme is bad  but he ', s charming in that bad way  and so i can ', t say that he ', s hard to watch ( although i rarely understood what he was saying ) . the only exception is rob schneider  who is actually quite funny a lot of the time . tsui utilizes so many tricks that he makes john woo look tame by comparison . they ', re all pointless gimmicks though  such as shots of the inner - workings of a knock off running shoe . but his action scenes are never boring : one particular piece inside of a fruit factory ( a fruit factory ? ) is well - choreographed . lots of the scenes are pitched well to comedy  such as our heroes ', first encounter with the rochon character . but did tsui know that his film is beyond ludicrous ? i hope he did  for the alternative is a frightening thought . knock off has the feel of a truly terrible exercise in camp mania . if it were boring  i ', d give it zero stars . but it ', s not boring : it ', s loud and excessive and completely incoherent . it ', s also funny  even when it isn ', t meaning to be funny . a bad film that succeeds as entertainment doesn ', t deserve to be fully lambasted . i recognize knock off for its irrefutable badness  but i can ', t deny it ', s zany  useless charm . oh  i know  they ', re just action scenes looking desperately for a real story  but they ', re fun action scenes amongst a crowd of laughably inane concepts . it ', s fun to admire the awfulness of a film like this  but that doesn ', t excuse the fact that it is  indeed  awful .
neg welcome to your oh - so typical sequel . it tries to be twice as big as it ', s predecessor  yet ends up twice as shallow . shallow . . . . hmm . . . now there ', s an idea . maybe if the ill - fated cruise liner in this movie had struck a shallow reef early on things may have turned out better . the first thing that struck me . . . and surprised me  was that the camera work ( for the opening sequence anyway ) was terrible . looked like the cameramen were drunk and kept tripping on their own feet . . . . . . very different to the original movie . the characters ? well  not many of the characters actually * had * characters  but here ', s a rundown . annie  who was the highlight of the the original  must have seriously banged her head in the train crash at the end of the first movie . why ? because something ', s got to account for her losing that many iq points . even though annie wasn ', t exactly a rocket scientist in speed  here some of her actions just make you want to beat your head against a wall . for instance  after successfully using a chainsaw to cut a hole in a door so that a group of people can escape noxious gases - she stands in the middle of the opening for about five minutes till someone reminds her that the people can ', t get ut till she get ', s the chainsaw out of their faces . . . . bang bang bang in point of fact sandra ', s character is turned into little more than one of those scantly dressed extras from hercules  who constantly has to be rescued . jason patric ? all i can say is bring back keanu . keanu reeves might have the emotional range of a tree stump . . . but that ', s one more tree stump than jason has . i don ', t think he changed facial expressions all movie - jason  smile for the cameras ! ! now frown ! . . . i said frown . . . . oh . . . you are . . . bang bang bang . . wooden just doesn ', t describe this guys performance  but it ', ll have to do . the bad guy . . . . . ahh . . . william dafoe - there ', s a bright move . how can you go wrong with the star from that acknowledged classic  body of evidence ? ( yes  that is sarcasm ) . his wide eyed maniac of a character doesn ', t start out too bad . . . . but goes steadily downhill as the movie progresses . in the end he degenerates to chasing annie around for a hostage  even though he already has the money and can escape . . . . bang bang . though i ', d like to give this movie a double thumbs down  there were some nice sequences . considering the movie cost over 100 million dollars - you ', d hope there ', d be at least a couple . the real eye - popper for me  even though it was given away in the trailer . . . . bang bang . . . . . was the sequence where the cruise liner sideswipes the oil tanker . this looks terrific and i was very surprised to hear that the cruise liner in it was . . . . completely computer generated ! wow . . . . i don ', t think i ', ve ever seen a cg model look so real before . the sequence where jason patric in trying to disable the propellers from under the ship is also terrific  and the only time during the entire movie where you get that feeling of . . . . speed . this lack - of - speed problem affects many sequences . such as the oil tanker part . . . . . it was - " oh no  we ', re going to hit the oil tanker ! "  20 minutes later - " oh no  we ', re going to hit the oil tanker ! " 20 min . . . . you get the point . this movie failed simply because it didn ', t live up to it ', s name . . . . there was very little feeling of speed . in the original movie  the lead characters had to make split second decisions to survive . . . . . in this movie it felt more like - " well people  we ', re gonna run into that there island in a few hours - i think i might stroll over to engineering and see if i can ', t turn off the engines . . . i ', m passing the cafeteria on the way  can i get anybody anything ? " the ending of this movie really is terrible . even though it features what i ', ve since found out is one of the most expensive sequences ever in a movie - it just doesn ', t work at all . the part where the liner crashes through the town looks very realistic  but . . . . surprise surprise - it just takes waaaaay too long . it seemed to go for 15 minutes before the ship finally stopped . one thing that struck me as extremely poor scriptiing was that as the ship crashes through the harbour and town  around 25 people are killed by the ship . . . . and there ', s only 15 or so people left on the ship . so when it stops safe and sound and the characters are all cheering - the audience is sitting back and thinking - " wait a sec . . . this is a happy moment because ? " bang bang then there was the dog . . . . . i almost fell out of my seat when i saw the bit with the dog dodging the falling debris . putting a dog in peril has become the ultimate hollywood cliche . . . . . . every movie seems to have a ', dog - in - danger ', sequence - volcano  dante ', s peak  independence day  daylight  twister . lost world . . . . . . etc  etc . this movie is a perfect example of how not to make a sequel . director jan de bont should try watching the orignal movie and this one back - to - back and see if he realises where he went wrong .
neg synopsis : the president of a company wants to test his self - appointed successor  who ', s psychotic  and thinks it ', s a great idea to spend a week with him and their wives in an isolated cabin a hundred miles from civilization with no dependable transportation or means of communication after a heavy snowfall . comments : tracks of a killer had a couple of strikes against it before i even began watching it . strike one was the fact that someone had scrawled the word garbage on the videotape ', s sticker in black marker ( not typically a good sign when you rent a film ) . strike two came while the previews played . did you ever get a sinking premonition about a movie ', s quality ( or lack thereof ) while watching the trailers that come before it ? well  the cheesy films being advertised before tracks of a killer were films that no one has ever heard of starring people no one knows  and they all looked bad ( definately not a good sign ) . tracks of a killer itself completed the strikeout . about the only positive thing this film had going for it was the fact that it sports some nice scenery . to be fair  the first half - hour or so promises at least a watchable thriller . wolf larson  who bears more than a passing resemblance to hugh grant  adequately plays the underling obviously set up as the killer of the film ', s title . james brolin and kelly lebrock seem equally adequate as the loving couple larson will later threaten . brolin ', s character  for some inexplicable reason  thinks its a great idea to spend some time in a cabin  practically isolated  with lebrock and larson  whom he ', s decided to test for the week before giving him full control of his company . by the time the characters arrive at the cabin  this film begins to become tedious . apparently  brolin ', s successor ', s test involves chopping wood for the fireplace and skiing  which don ', t seem like attributes necessary to run a business in the city . but  then again  what do i know about business ? i do think  though  that they should have invested in some better furniture for the cabin ; its beds and closets have a habit of just breaking at the slightest touch . larson ', s character accidently kills his own wife rather than the couple he wants to kill . this leaves the movie with an hour to go and only three characters  which really isn ', t enough to sustain it . the film ', s writer must have taken a cue from stephen king  as scenes from tracks of a killer seem lifted out of misery and gerald ', s game . larson and lebrock fight and torture each other ( the tables get turned a couple of times ) while brolin tramps around in the snow looking for help . some old guy ', s around too  just so the killer can add to his body count without killing the couple  who everyone knows will be alive at the end of the film . the old guy  however  miraculously survives his first death and appears later to be killed again by the killer in a scene so ludicrous it ', s worthy of a chuckle or two . outside of that chuckle  unfortunately  tracks of a killer will just bore you as the obvious plot is drawn out ad infinitum and the actors  for some reason  become increasing obnoxious . if you ', re in a video store and thinking about renting this turkey  don ', t . make tracks to a far superior suspense film  like misery .
neg there should be a requirement that a potential viewer be under a certain film iq in order to see " mission to mars . " there are probably quite a few people who are going to enjoy it  and most of them will probably be those who have seen very few films of its kind . but there are those who will not  and those will most likely be people who have already seen one or more of the following movies : " 2001 : a space odyssey  " " armageddon  " " apollo 13  " " the abyss  " " close encounters of the third kind  " " e . t . the extra - terrestrial  " " alien  " and " aliens . " why ? because there is not one original idea in " mission to mars . " all of it is cribbed from other films ( and in most cases  better films ) . if this is the sort of thing you don ', t mind  you might like the film . of course  there are other reasons not to like " mission to mars  " the main one being a script written by people who seem to assume their audience is filled with people who haven ', t used their brains in some time  and who don ', t intend to start during the film ', s running time . " mission to mars " manages to be both stupid and boring at the same time . the plot  cribbed greatly from " 2001  " concerns a team sent to mars  the first manned trip ever made to the red planet . luke graham ( don cheadle ) leads the team  jointly formed of americans and russians . the team encounters a mysterious monolith that emits a strange pulse ( this being nothing like the pulse - emitting monolith in " 2001 " -- that one was on the * moon * )  but when they try to study it  a giant sand tornado comes out of the top and swallows them ( all except luke  who survives long enough to send a garbled message back to the rotating space station  which looks strangely like the rotating space station in " 2001 " ) . a rescue mission is planned with husband & wife team woody blake ( tim robbins ) and terri fisher ( connie nielsen )  obligatory pilot with a troubled past jim mcconnell ( gary sinise )  and extra crew member phil ohlmyer ( jerry o ', connell ) along for the ride . after some zero - gravity dancing  they run into problems when one of their engines is blown  forcing them to attempt a desperate landing aboard a supply vessel . now stranded on mars with minimal supplies  the team must decide whether or not it can risk entering the monolith or if they should return home . after all  that monolith just might contain information about how life originated on earth . " mission to mars " is one of those films that makes a critic wonder where to start when talking about all the things that are wrong with it  so let ', s start with one of the things that does work : director brian de palma manages to create some eerie tension in a few scenes during the middle of the film . that ', s it . everything else fails . the failure isn ', t de palma ', s fault ; he ', s working from an atrocious script . only during the sequence aboard the ship ( looking an awful lot like the jupiter vessel in " 2001 " ) where the rescue team ', s air begins running out and they must frantically search for the hole and patch it up does " mission to mars " come to life . a scene where they attempt to save a comrade floating away into space also provides some tension  until you realize that the entire danger / more danger / attempted rescue sequence has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film ; it ', s just a contrived way to generate thrilling scenes . take it out  and the plot isn ', t affected in any way . the sequence also suffers from a few plot holes ( as does the rest of the film ) : why is the ship ', s computer ( which sounds strangely like hal from  uh  " 2001 " ) able to detect a hole in the main chamber but not one in the engine ? why did tim robbins ', character have to go outside the ship when the solution easily presented itself from inside ? shouldn ', t the astronauts be better trained to deal with a hull breach ? why are the characters such idiots ? because the script makes little attempt to properly develop them . all the " conflict " is clumsily delivered in excruciatingly obvious exposition in the opening scene ( which rips off orson welles and robert altman by utilizing a long opening tracking shot ) during which the characters repeatedly tell each other about things all of them should already know : " jim  it ', s too bad you can ', t go on this mission because you were determined ', psychologically inadequate ', because your wife died right before you were to go on the mission together " -- does anyone really talk like this ? can ', t we find out these things in a less grating matter  like maybe in a flashback ? the whole film is like that . the filmmakers are not content to merely show us something and assume we know what ', s going on ; they must * tell * us exactly what we ', re looking at * every * time . sample dialogue from the film : ( shot of mars ) astronaut a : " look  there ', s mars " astronaut b : " you sure that ', s mars ? " astronaut a : " yeah  that ', s mars all right . " astronaut c : " hey  are you guys looking at mars ? " that exchange isn ', t actually in " mission to mars  " but i wouldn ', t be surprised if it were . for all their cribbing from kubrick  spielberg  james cameron  and even ron howard  the makers of this film haven ', t learned to do something all those directors did very well : show and don ', t tell . de palma used to know how  but seems to have forgotten . this is mentally - challenged filmmaking ; they assume the audience won ', t get what ', s going on  so they explain everything five times over . fourth - graders may appreciate this  but more learned viewers will have their intelligence insulted . the principal actors sleepwalk their way through " mission to mars  " never managing to do away with an apparent " i ', m just here to get a paycheck " attitude . cheadle stumbles over his awkward lines . armin mueller - stahl manages to thoroughly embarrass himself in an unbilled cameo . robbins puts his game face on and phones in his standard " decent guy " performance . and sinise hams it up with " wistful " facial expressions while watching tapes of his dead wife ( played by kim delaney  who only has one scene during which she still manages to deliver some ridiculous dialogue in a heavy - handed monologue about the meaning of life )  and especially during the stolen - from - no - less - than - three - movies ( a lollipop to whoever names them ) conclusion  which combines endless  obvious explanation and sub - par cgi effects with gagging sentimentality and is sure to alienate any viewers who had been enjoying the show up until then . and of course  these aliens from mars who facilitated the evolution of life on earth are entirely different from the aliens in " 2001 " who facilitated the evolution of life on earth ; those aliens were from an * unknown * world . it could be said that fans of brainless action films might enjoy " mission to mars  " but such a comment ignores the fact that the film is also incredibly slow - going . leisurely pacing might have helped a film with a little more substance to it  but all of the substance of " mission to mars " has been stolen from other films  and those other films dealt with their ideas in a much more thoughtful fashion and generally contained more engaging characters . supposedly we ', re intended to choke up when one character decides not to return home at the end of this one ( totally different from the one - character - decides - not - to - return ending of " armageddon " )  but i suspect most people will either be laughing or groaning . me  i alternated between the two . there is only one good thing about the way " mission to mars " finally ends : the fact that the movie is over .
neg underwater science fiction stays submerged sphere a film review by michael redman copyright 1998 by michael redman one of the most unpleasant experiences that can occur in a movie theater is when a cast of fine actors end up in a film that wastes their talents . you keep thinking what they might have accomplished with the time they squandered . psychologist norman goodman ( dustin hoffman ) is called to the middle of the pacific ocean to work with the survivors of a plane crash . when he arrives at the site  he discovers that there is no plane  but rather an enormous spacecraft that has been sitting 1  000 feet below the surface for almost 300 years . having written a paper for the bush administration on how to handle first contact  he is chosen to head up the team of scientists investigating the ship . his group as outlined in his report  consists of beth halperin ( sharon stone )  a biochemist ; harry adams ( samuel l . jackson )  a mathematician ; and ted fielding ( liev schreiber )  an astrophysicist . unfortunately it turns out that the writing was a blow - off project for goodman who did it for the money and named his then - colleagues to the team . " after all  " he explains  " who reads government documents ? " lead by harold barnes ( peter coyote )  a top secret federal operative  the group descends to a mobile undersea headquarters set up next to the alien vessel . once there they stroll over  knock on the door and explore the still - operational ufo . discovering the surprising origin of the ship and the crew finds an astonishing gigantic golden liquid metal sphere . when adams enters the sphere  the weirdness unfolds . a storm rolls in on the surface and the team is forced to remain below just as an unseen presence begins to communicate through their computer . " my name is jerry . i am happy " flashes across the screen . this is unsettling for the psychologist . " what happens if jerry gets mad ? " he asks . barnes is more pragmatic : he needs a last name because he can ', t put in his report that they made contact with an alien named jerry . then the situation turns bad . deadly beasts appear from nowhere . a gang of jellyfish kills one of the navy personnel . lethal sea snakes attack goodman . a giant squid batters the habitat just as adams is reading " 20  000 leagues under the sea " . the suspicious scientists turn against each other . this has all the makings of a first - rate thinking man ', s science fiction film . however even the finest ingredients don ', t go very far in the hands of a chief who doesn ', t seem to care about his product . director barry levinson has churned out a mish - mosh that doesn ', t engage the audience beyond a few skillful suspense scenes . the first of the film zooms by as the situation and players are introduced without any characterization or justification . it ', s much like speed - reading a novel and realizing that you missed the nuances . it doesn ', t get any better when the action scenes begin . while the actors do an adequate job with their limited roles  the people are still flat . oddly they hardly have reactions when deaths occur around them . after adams experiences the interior of the sphere  no one bothers to ask him what happened . their history together is an intriguing plot device but is barely exploited . even goodman and halperin ', s ill - conceived affair when she was his student is just mentioned in passing . her psychotic tendencies are talked about but never convincing . there ', s a truism that items shown early in a movie must be used before the ending  but here they are far too obvious . when an emergency mini - sub is explained  you know what ', s going to happen . the movie affectations are nothing more than distracting . chapter headings that divide the movie have no function . the shaky camera work muddies already perplexing chaos . much of what goes on is confusing and difficult to follow . although some of the disorientation eventually is understandable  a great deal of it isn ', t . even a science fiction film must be internally consistent . there ', s too much here that doesn ', t make sense . are the manifestations real ? the jellyfish kill queen latifa ( in a throw - away role ) and the squid nearly destroys the outpost  but the bites of the fatal snakes have no effect . a scene in the sub suggests that it ', s illusion  but earlier episodes indicate that it ', s not . not everything has to be explained to death  but there are major questions that the film never answers . where the ship came from is clarified  but how it ended up on the ocean floor in 1709 is merely alluded to . even the enigmatic sphere is still mysterious when the credits roll . the climax is followed by 15 minutes of epilogue that does little but weaken the already labored tale . after pre - release audience testing  the actors were called back to re - shoot the ending . it ', s difficult to imagine how the original could have been worse . following the recent tradition of lengthy films  this weighs in at over two very long hours . the weak scenes could have been cut  but then there wouldn ', t have been much left . the movie was supposedly held up by effects work  but there ', s nothing special on the screen . we never even see the monstrous squid or the menacing storm . stealing from " alien "  " the abyss " and the disastrous " event horizon "  this film has learned nothing from them . remarkably levinson and hoffman ', s other currently showing film is " wag the dog "  a smart and entertaining piece of work . this one could have been titled the same sans one word .
neg renowned hong kong action director tsui hark first teamed with jean - claude van damme on the action star ', s 1997 pairing with dennis rodman  _double_team_  and managed to make what initially appeared to be a disaster into a slick  stylish  and somewhat diverting action timekiller . tsui continues to energetically pile on the visual razzle dazzle in his latest collaboration with the muscles from brussels  _knock_off_  but this time around  style neither save a script that is at best ridiculous  and at worst incomprehensible ; nor hide a host of truly lousy performances . writer steven e . desouza ', s fairly straightforward plotline isn ', t as outre as _double_team_ ', s strange yarn involving a secret think tank / prison  but it makes about as much sense  which is little . van damme plays marcus ray  a hong kong - based sales rep for a jeans company ( ! ) who stumbles upon a russian terrorist scheme to implant powerful microchip - sized bombs in hk product exports to the u . s . -- dolls  electronic equipment  and  yes  jeans . it ', s all part of some type of ransom scheme  but all i remember is -- and i kid you not -- graphics on a cia computer screen showing a map of the world  bombs detonating  and an hat - wearing figure on the other side of the world bursting out into laughter . . . . . . which is what the crowd at the showing i attended spontaneously did throughout _knock_off_ . while all of van damme ', s films have its share of unintentional laughs  mostly due to the stiff acting " skills " of the physically agile van damme  _knock_off_ delivers more than usual ( though not as many as van damme ', s embarrassing directorial effort  1996 ', s _the_quest_ ) . a lot of the laughs are earned by some particularly painful lines by desouza : " i smoked that badass like a roman candle ! " and " entrepreneurship  babycakes ! " standing out among my favorites . but it is indeed the pathetic performances that provide the bulk of _knock_off_ ', s laughs . van damme is true to laughable form  perhaps even worse than usual . early scenes actually _require_ him to make funny with co - star rob schneider ( improbably cast as a deep cover cia agent posing as marcus ', s business partner )  and the sight and sound of the still - heavily - accented van damme haplessly trying to drop punchlines is hilarious in the wrong way . even typically good actors are not immune to the bad acting bug . paul sorvino is unconvincing and terribly overwrought as schneider ', s cia superior ; and lela rochon  playing an investigator for the jeans company  spends the entire movie in perpetual snarl mode . in rochon ', s defense  though  her role requires her to do little more than display her toned legs  exquisite bone structure  and perky bosoms  the latter coming in handy for one key scene where she must fish for microbombs stuck in her ample cleavage . tsui picks up where he left off visually in _double_team_  juicing up the proceedings with inventive camera work . here  though  tsui ', s visual razzle dazzle borders on over kill  coming off as desperate attempts to shield the inanity of the entire enterprise . for each nifty trick tsui pulls off  such as a recurring visual theme that has the camera literally going through the circuitry of electronic devices  there are others that are completely superfluous . this is especially disconcerting when the trick in question could be clever when used in the right context . for instance  one scene early on has marcus putting his hand in a box . as he puts his hand in  the same action is shown from an overhead camera angle in a rectangle at the corner of the screen . it ', s undoubtedly an interesting visual  but it would have been nice if its use actually amounted to something . the test of a van damme movie boils down to the action sequences  but surprisingly  those in _knock_off_ leave much to be desired . tsui does what he can to make something of them  employing freeze frames  blurred motion  and unconventional camera angles  but there is nothing fundamentally special about the fairly generic chase and fight sequences written by desouza . there isn ', t anything as preposterously amusing as the climactic tiger / land mine fight in _double_team_  let alone anything remotely close to tsui ', s legendary hong kong works ( but that ', s a given going in ) . if tsui has any hope of approaching his countryman john woo ', s stateside success  he would do best to break free from van damme . . . before it ', s too late . if he continues his involvement with b - grade movies such as _knock_off_  the respect he has from hk action fans will continue to diminish . . . that is  if it hasn ', t already disappeared entirely after this fiasco .
neg upon first viewing of this movie  the phrases " been there " and " done that " come quickly to mind . spy hard manages to steal almost every joke from the zucker brothers films  the most popular of which are airplane and the naked gun series . stealing stuff can be profitable in this industry  but only when you steal the right stuff . what little plot there is involves dick steele  aka . agent wd - 40 ( leslie nielsen ) trying to save the world from an almost deranged madman played by andy griffith . along the way to it goal ( goal ? )  the film manages to spoof mainly the james bond type films  but also manages to hit on films such as home alone and sister act . the trick about spoofing is that you have to actually be funny  or at the least  satirical . spy hard achieves neither  as it borrows all of the wrong elements from the superior zucker brothers films . the " dick  the world is in danger . what is it ? well  it ', s a big roundish ball floating in space around the sun . . ( i ', m paraphrasing ) " type of exchange is used at least four times in the opening ten minutes of the film  each time getting progressively less funny . what they should have stolen were the background sight gags which were so effective in the zucker brother ', s films while writing their own dialogue . director rick friedberg focuses more on the mug shots of his actors ( especially nielsen  who can do this quite well ) than on the delivery and context of their lines  much of the time cutting the punchline short . the whole film seems to be in a race with itself to be over  as is evident in the final sequence  where there is no comedic denouement after the climax . as was usual in the zucker brothers films and in spy hard  the end credits tend to replace this by being out of context . one of the more amusing was  " captain of the enterprise . . . . . . james t . kirk " . overall  i thought this was a very weak effort . while all of the right films to spoof were chosen  they used none of the right spoofing methods . next time they should " spy " a little bit harder . * * * * = excellent . one of a kind . must see . * * * = entertaining . worth the price of admission . * * = fair . nothing much special . * = what were they thinking ? ?
neg first impressions : critically  a close - to - awful film  but money - wise  it has been doing ( and will continue to do ) great . a sometimes - funny film that sags and lags and oftentimes gets boring . an orginal plot that grows old real fast . one of the only 90 minute films that i ', ve gotten bored through . men in black has defied the odds . when i first saw that the flick was 89 minutes long  i thought maybe that this was a poor attempt at an independence day type film that just ran out of gas . however  i now realize that not only did men in black run out of gas  but the film in 90 minutes manages to show off a very original idea ( which summer audiences have embraced ) that becomes old about 25 minutes into the movie . tommy lee jones and will smith play two " government " agents who are responsible for keeping order in alien society . the ridiculous plot begins when an alien " bug "  played weirdly by vincent d ', onofrio  who was so great in full metal jacket  lands on earth to retrieve a galaxy that ', s somewhere on " orion ', s belt . " anyway  the basic plot revolves around jones and smith to stop this bug from getting the galaxy  or a higher power will blow up the earth . the premise is ridulous  but that is not why i didn ', t like this film . i love original plots . this one had an original one . but director barry sonnenfeld did something to this film that ruined its plot : he made the film drag and also put in unncessary elements in it that are found in romance films . whenever i saw d ', onofrio ', s bug stomp and eat people in the film  it got terribly boring after a while . while smith ', s wise - cracks did fill in the gaps  it wasn ', t enough . and also  i cannot believe the screenwriters elected to have a sub - plot where tommy lee jones missed his former lover because as an alien agent  they can ', t have contact with any humans really . and here i see jones  at a satellite computer  watching his lover plant the garden ? a sentimental moment in an alien movie ? nice try  but i don ', t think so . it doesn ', t work here . it just makes the movie even more ridiculous and even more boring : we don ', t only have aliens to worry about  but now we have jones ', s conscience . i came into the movie not wanting to see jones ', s conscience  but wanting to see a real action movie that had lots of aliens in it . maybe it ', s unfair that i partly judged this movie on what my expectations were . nevertheless  even though some parts are indeed funny  the plot in this movie grew old and boring -- quick .
neg there are movies that pose a question in its first five minutes and spend the rest of the time trying to answer it . then there are movies that spend the whole time posing questions and try to answer it all in the last five minutes . writer - director john herzfeld ', s two days in the valley falls into the latter category . weaving together a grabbag of seemingly unrelated characters  herzfeld ', s tries very hard to keep the audience guessing with a altmanesque series of parallel stories . hitmen lee ( james spader ) and his partner dosmo ( danny aiello ) pop a guy in bed while leaving his drugged wife becky fox ( teri hatcher ) lying next to him showing the audience where on her behind she got nicely pricked . an understandeably shocked becky runs out of the house the next morning before hailing down a couple of vice cops  ( jeff daniels ) and wes ( eric stoltz ) . a murder is not vice territory  flirting with asian prostitues is  but wes would rather play inquisitive detective . meanwhile  washed - up director  teddy ( paul mazursky ) is about to end his life . but before he can do that  he must find a good home for his dog . enter nurse audrey ( marsha mason )  who takes the dog and teddy for a ride . stuffy art dealer  allan hopper ( greg cruttwell ) has kidney stones . while struggling about his fancy house  he switches between moaning in self - pity and dropping condescending hints about his loyal secretary ', s ( glenne headly ) plain appearance . don ', t be surprised if you find yourself asking more than once just what the hell is going on . you might like that feeling of cluelessness . herzfeld does answer all the questions in the course of time and pieces it all rather neatly in the last five minutes . the jigsaw puzzle assembled isn ', t stunning by any means though . the characters lack the stature or moral complexity of altman ', s real - life heroes in short cuts  even though they are interesting and funny . funny  that is if you aren ', t comparing them to the likes of tarantino ', s pulp chcaracters . the tie - up is tidy but nowhere near the squeaky clean resolution of ( director ', s name ? guy who also did last seduction ) red rock west . two days isn ', t a bad movie but there isn ', t much else to it than the screenplay novelty of the linkage of seemingly unrelated characters . it ', ll keep you guessing alright but you won ', t remember the answers five minutes after the credits . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg warning : may contain slight mild spoilers . rated : r for intense violence / gore  some strong sexuality and language . starring : arnold schwarzeneggar  robin tunney  rod stieger  gabriel byrne . running time : 132 minutes we go into a movie theater  boom ! the lights go down  our hearts race  we go through ten minutes of preview and finally the movie we ', ve been waiting to see for a long time comes on . we sit there  watch in disbelief that this movie is as bad as it is . why shouldn ', t i have know what i was getting myself into . again like this past summers hit " stigmata "  " end of days " may be worse . it ', s not like this is any kind of original idea  it just throws in some " rosemary ', s baby "  along with " the devil ', s advocate " a little " exorcist " and some " stigmata " here and there . whala you have " end of days " a movie that is extremely disappointing and by the previews made it look terrific . sadly but truly again like most recent films  all the good parts are in the trailers . the plot which is very confusing at times is also very ludicrous and the movie is destined to be a hit in the first weekend  and flop in the next . jericho cane ( arnold schwarzneggar in hit typical macho role ) is a cop who finds out that he is chosen to track down satan ( living in gabriel byrnes body ) and stop him from impregnating christine york ( robin tunney ) because if he does  and she gives birth all existence as we know it will cease to exist . he has to do this before it turns into the year 2000  and strangely he ', s trying to fight him 5 minutes before 2000 comes . he seeks help from the catholic church and help from rod stieger ( in a terrific role ) and tries to save this girl leading to an ending that ', s satisfying  but turns into a typical action movie . that ', s pretty much it on plot . it does have the razzle and dazzle of a great action movie  and with the 100m dollar budget parts seem to show it  parts you have to wonder where all the money went . as for arnie ? good role  ok performance . i think since he is getting a little older he is held back a lot of his stunts . the thing that disappointed me was the fact that there was nothing to the film . in the trailers it looks like a good scary  action film and ends up being a boring  long and preposterous drama that leads into something else that leaves us with questions . gabriel byrnes ( who ironically played a priest in " stigmata " ) here plays satan and gives a good performance but again seems held back and not into his character . two years back al pacino gave a terrific performance in the fun " the devil ', s advocate " and here it seems like the idea of him is in the character also . robin tunney ( great performance as always ) plays satan ', s main person whom he wants to impregnate to carry his child . of course rod stieger gives another great performance which really isn ', t nothing new . the direction by peter hyams is at times a bit overblown  though not nearly as the visual style was in " stigmata " . here we are given great camera work  and some great scenes that are terrifically directed but sadly just don ', t work in this movie . the script written by andrew marlowe has a few witty lines  but again the movie is all style and no substance and by the ending finale climax i was ready to go home . only a few things work here and those are a few of the performances  the writing and visual style  but the storyline and the finished product don ', t work as well . the sad thing is that " end of days " had so many things going for it . the plot could have been more organized  the action scenes could have been more brainy and less mind - numbing . at times it seems like " armageddon " and started to get old and tiresome . hollywood is running out of ideas bad  and like i ', ve always said before needs new ones . even with its 100m budget " end of days " is less than pleasing . in fact the 100m dollar budget is at least 30m over  and easily could have had a 70m budget . maybe i sound crazy  but i am really looking forward to the new exorcist film  and hope that they make it as good as the original . we need to get new ideas and stop recycling old ones just to make money at the box - office . we need to get more films like " the blair witch project " that could scare people to death  while people thinking well what exactly is scaring them and how do i know that it is in fact the blair witch . overblown effects  stupid and thin plot - line  good performances  disappointing . . . . umm yup those pretty much describe " end of days " .
neg " my name is jack carter  and you don ', t want to know me " says our brooding anti - hero ( sylvester stallone ) . take his advice ! to know this guy is as rewarding as being thrown over a terrace . and to watch this film is almost as painful . " get carter " is a gloomy looking  unimaginative film that offers no joy . jack carter is as tough as tough guys come . he works out of vegas as a self - described ', financial adjuster ', . explaining his duties  he says  " people make promises and break them . i help them remember . " he has a chiseled body full of tattoos . he has the weathered look indicative of a man who has seen his share of hard times . he speaks in a hushed but menacing tone of voice . in other words  this is sylvester stallone acting like . . . sylvester stallone . and like most of his previous roles  his character is a shallow  one - dimensional thug whose modus operandi is to talk tough  hassle a few hapless people  find out what he needs to know  and then dispense his own kind of justice . with the charisma of a pit bull  being tough is all that jack carter knows . yet  even tough guys know when to put family first . as the story begins  we learn that jack ', s little brother has died in a car accident . the police attribute it to heavy drinking . however  jack is suspicious  believing that he was ', taken out ', . he takes a break from his vegas duties and tries to see if he can find the truth . as he pokes around  he runs into several lowlife characters . they include a shady business partner  a prostitute  a dweebish millionaire molded after bill gates  and an oily owner of a porn website . any one of them may know something about his brother ', s death . all of them have the means of carrying out the deed . but don ', t expect an exercise in sleuthing where well - placed clues lead carter to the truth . he ', s all brawn and no brains  so there are no epiphanies during his investigation . instead  he uses intimidation to muscle his way forward  cycling through this circle of suspects . flustered with his lack of progress  he cycles through them again and again . this all gets tiring fairly quickly . by the time the film launches into its final act  we ', re numb from its pedestrian pace . oddly  as a tough - guy thriller  it starves us for action . admittedly  there is one nifty chase sequence  but this is related to a tangential and needless plot ( carter ', s vegas ties send thugs to retrieve him ) . the story also fails to generate any kind of emotion . stallone has the personality of a slab of stone . and the look and feel of the film is perpetually downcast . the weather is constantly overcast or rainy . meanwhile  most shots take place at night  in dimly lit rooms  or in dark alleys . it ', s just impossible to get stirred about that kind of atmosphere . as a result  " get carter " amounts to nothing more than a flat thriller  bereft of clever moments and devoid of any excitement . you ', re better off leaving this guy alone .
neg you would think that this film ', s dismal failure would be due to american filmmakers getting hold of a brilliant british comedy and " americanizing " it . you ', d be wrong  since full blame can be placed on the very folks who wrote and created the series : rowan atkinson  robin driscoll  and richard curtis . should you ever happen to meet those chaps  do me a favor . grab them by the hair and yell really loudly in their ear  " what were you thinking ? ! have you ever heard the phrase ', if it ain ', t broke don ', t fix it ', ? ! " then walk away . the film concerns mr . bean ( atkinson ) and his visit to america while escorting the painting of " whistler ', s mother " to an american buyer ( played by burt reynolds  in the type of bit part that his success in " boogie nights " should hopefully do away with ) . now how or why mr . bean is sent on this trip makes no sense  and i can ', t even describe how the film explains it . the point is that mr . bean comes to america and causes wacky trouble . problems problems problems  where to begin ? first  the score music from the tv show has been completely replaced by score that is either at times one note away from the score from " beetlejuice " or one note away from the score from " rob roy " . then  the song choices are totally uninspired . " good vibrations " ? " i love l . a . " ? wow  don ', t put any thought into that guys . also  bean makes way too much noise in the film . the character doesn ', t speak much  but in the series you really only heard the laughter of the audience  and maybe the occasional murmur from mr . bean . each episode was like a chaplin silent movie . in the film  bean is constantly moaning  grunting  whining  etc . it ', s annoying  and just plain wrong for the character . the main problem though is that it ', s just not funny . with each episode of the series there would be dozens of really great laughs crammed into less than 30 minutes . multiply that running time by three however  and the laughs steadily decrease . they even have the gaul to repeat jokes from the series . sad  and creatively lazy . as a series  " mr . bean " only ran for about 13 episodes or so . why on earth did atkinson and the gang decide it was time to completely rework everything ? 13 half - hour episodes certainly hadn ', t exhausted all possible situations . all i can say positively for the film at this point is that it ', s almost appropriate for all ages  if it wasn ', t for a couple of scenes where it appears as though mr . bean is having sex with things . and even that isn ', t a very positive statement . please guys  go back to england and go back to television so you ', ll make me laugh again . [ pg - 13 ]
neg robin williams has the rarest of gifts : the ability to rise above the most inept material and suffuse it with his irreverent style . overwhelmingly  his worst films are pleasantly diverting at worst and enjoyable at best ( with the notable exception of flubber ) . so when i  the one person who has refused to abandon him despite patch adams  tell you that not even williams can save his latest project  you know it ', s in trouble . jakob the liar is a confused  muddled little movie ; a generically " uplifting " film with a fundamental contradiction : the message it delivers is depressing as opposed to inspiring and the movie doesn ', t realize it . williams plays jakob haim  a jew imprisoned in a polish ghetto during world war ii . one night he wanders outside after curfew and is promptly sent to the office of a high - ranking german officer for his punishment . jakob gets off easy and he gets to hear approximately 30 seconds of a radio broadcast . the announcement ( in english  but punctuated by a triumphant " heil hitler ! " ) is that russian troops are only miles away from jakob ', s ghetto . liberation ! he thinks . the next day  jakob tells the news to his closest friend  a volatile prize fighter named misha ( liev schreiber )  who despite being sworn to secrecy passes the message along . soon  it is a common assumption in the ghetto that jakob has a radio hidden in his home -- a crime punishable by death . this is absurdly false  but the more jakob tells the people of the ghetto this  the more convinced they become that he is abreast of the latest developments in the war that is to decide their fate . the danger  of course  is that the germans allegedly have informants throughout the ghetto  and rumors about the radio can get out and put jakob in great danger . in a curiously irrelevant subplot  jakob finds a 11 - year old girl who has separated from her parents and decides to hide her in his small home . apparently he is afraid that she will be discovered  and goes to great length to make sure of that -- just why the idea frightens him is never made clear . he and the girl build an uninvolving  generic relationship that never goes anywhere and is as irrelevant at the end as it was in the beginning . the moral of the story is that hope is the best medicine . but jakob the liar forgets that the hope that jakob brings to his ghetto is false . such hope inevitably leads to expectations of its realization and when those expectations aren ', t met  the results are far worse than if there was no hope . that ', s the film ', s biggest detriment : it is based on a false assumption and thus comes off as painfully false . it ', s never moving because it doesn ', t give us anything to be moved by . jakob the liar fails to tug any heartstrings which destroys its purpose for existing . robin williams doesn ', t inject the film with life  as a matter of fact  he seems a little out of it  as if crippled by his fake accent . he is stragely unenthusiastic ; his character is one who spreads hope but his performance is lifeless  hopeless . not since good will hunting has he abandoned his signature style to this extent ; this isn ', t the robin williams we know and love . in good will hunting he became a serious actor and won an oscar for it . here  he is more of a wannabe serious actor ; an impostor . jakob the liar will be compared with last year ', s life is beautiful because it is being marketed as a " holocaust comedy " . it ', s not a comedy . it tries  sometimes  but it rarely works . is it a melodrama ? a war movie ? a character study ? no  no  and no . jakob the liar is the kind of movie that can ', t be placed into a category ; not because it covers so many different genres but because it fails at just about every one it attempts .
neg say  tell me if you ', ve seen this before : a crisis on - board a commercial airliner causes a stewardess to have to fly and land the plane herself . airport ', 97 anyone ? ray liotta is a psychotic serial killer being transported from new york to california on christmas eve . amazingly  on what would seemingly be a busy day of travel on one of the most flown routes  only about six other passengers are on the flight . anyway  they take off  liotta escapes and kills all the police and the pilots  and stewardess lauren holly locks herself in the cockpit to fly the plane . the story is beyond routine  the script is embarrassing ( at one point  this jumbo jet is flying completely upside down )  the characters are worthless  and the performances are annoying . surprisingly  co - writer steven e . de souza actually wrote the first two " die hard " movies ! " turbulence " takes place at christmas time  yet the film was released a few days after the holidays . brilliant marketing  as no one cares about anything having to do with christmas after december 26th . the studio knew they had a bomb  and purposely dumped it out when the fewest number of people would see it . [ r ]
neg it should have been a classic . a great cast of respected supporting actors . an interesting premise of loser comic book characters . however  " mystery men " proved to be one of the great disappointments of 1999 . the jokes were bland and hackneyed from talents who have previously made audiences laugh with their unique rituals . the number of cliches and shallow characters made the film difficult to sit through seriously hurting its attempt of having a fast paced premise . the script tried to deliver a series of small jokes throughout the film but without a big laugh - out - loud joke and mediocre small jokes  it failed miserably at being entertaining at all . the jokes were not funny for a number of reasons . they had been used a number of times before in previous films  the best ones  which were mediocre to begin with  were ruined in the trailer  and the expectation of laughing at clever  unique gags from clever unique comedians when there were none to laugh at greatly damaged the film . " mystery men " might have worked if it was an ensemble cast of newcomers trying to break into the business . but with veterans doing this kind of junk  it really questioned whether their other work was as funny as originally thought . thankfully most actors in this movie will appear in five other movies before the new year arrives to help viewers forget this little movie . the film follows a band of wannabe superheroes living in a wannabe gotham city who are ridiculed by their fellow citizens and villains because of their clumsiness and failure to save they day and capture the bad guy . the fact is these pathetic losers are not needed because their city already has a successful superhero  captain amazing  who has recently captured every evil - doer in the city . captain amazing ( played terribly by an uninspired greg kinnear )  because of his success in the past  is worried that he will lose popularity . after freeing one of the most notorious bad guys in the city ( geoffrey rush  overacting just a bit too much ) to keep himself busy  things get out of hand when captain amazing is captured . it is up to the wannabe superheroes to save the day . by the time this section of the plot is finished  the interest for what happens ( if you haven ', t already figured it out ) is very low . there are very few scenes which catch the viewers complete attention . the first scene in the film  which shows the wannabes trying to save the day  feels like it was seriously edited down . right when it was beginning to become slightly funny seeing these actors get humiliated at an old folk ', s home by some masked goons  captain amazing comes in and saves the day ? or ruins the movie . instead of editing this scene  more editing should have been done in areas such as the unnecessary romance between mr . furious ( ben stiller ) and monica  a waitress ( claire forlani ) or the vast majority of the film  which is the heroes talking at a coffee table about how their day was . a simple rule : more silly action is needed in order to make a silly action movie work . another major problem with " mystery men " is that every actor in it seemed very uncomfortable and consequently gave terrible performances . the film depended on its cast to work fluently together  like a bunch of old friends working together in an amiable reunion . however  most characters seemed like they did not even want to be in this film or at least the script made it seem this way . to pull one of the actors in this film randomly out of a hat  paul reubens  who disappeared from acting to everyone ', s joy  returns here leaving very little to be impressed about . as a wannabe who uses flatulence for a weapon  all of his jokes must therefore be fart jokes . fart jokes that have all been heard before and will inevitably be heard again in future films thanks to the success of " american pie " and " there ', s something about mary . " " mystery men " drags on towards the end to a point where anything else in the world is more entertaining . anyone with a brain knows each one of the heroes is going to be successful at their talent in the end and each one is going to contribute in a helpful way . so why continue to watch ? this film is far from a worthy guilty pleasure . " mystery men " indeed does this and every time a character succeeds another one congratulates him and says " i knew you could do it ! " " mystery men " fails in every category it attempts to pass . what makes this film so bad is that it had the potential to be wonderful and unforgettable . terrible acting  terrible script  and a terrible waste of time changes opinions about all of these actors . " i ', m unpredictable ! " an overexcited ben stiller shouts out . no ben  you ', re the complete opposite .
neg in my review of " the spy who shagged me  " i postulated an unbreakable law of film physics : every time a sequel is as good as or better than the previous film in the series  it is followed by a third movie that is a bore . the cause is probably complacency ; a studio sighs with relief when part 2 lives up to expectations and figures part 3 is a sure thing . " scream 3 " provides the latest proof of this rule . in los angeles production has begun on " stab 3 : return to woodsboro  " the most recent installment in the series of movies inspired by the murders surrounding sidney prescott ( neve campbell ) . however  life soon starts imitating art  and " stab " cast members turn up stabbed . smelling yet another book deal  gale weathers ( courteney cox arquette ) comes to the set to investigate and finds her ex - boyfriend dewey riley ( david arquette ) acting as a technical consultant and getting chummy with jennifer ( parker posey )  the actress playing gale in " stab 3 . " elsewhere  our heroine sidney is living in hiding under an assumed name . . . until she gets a phone call from a familiar evil voice . the late randy meeks ( jamie kennedy ) makes a surprise guest appearance via video to explain the rules of a trilogy . he notes the third chapter in a trilogy has an overabundance of exposition and a huge backstory to contend with . indeed  " scream 3 " tries to link its murders back to the one that started it all  the murder of sidney ', s mother maureen before the beginning of the original " scream . " at the scene of each murder in " scream 3  " the killer leaves a photo of sidney ', s mother maureen as a teenager in hollywood and even includes a note claiming to be her real killer . to find out who the killer is  our intrepid investigators have to uncover what happened during maureen ', s missing years when she was a starlet appearing in low - budget horror films . ( even with that little information  you can probably already guess what the killer ', s relationship to sidney is ) . unlike its predecessors  " scream 3 " doesn ', t have the guts to even suggest that the central characters might be the killer . the characters we do suspect are all undeveloped  so that by the end we don ', t even care who the killer is . the jaded detective ( patrick dempsey ) ? the kinky producer ( lance henriksen ) ? the driven young director ( scott foley ) ? the ingenue ( emily mortimer ) ? the character who turns out to be the killer seems to be selected at random . wes craven supposedly filmed three different endings to keep the real one a secret  so it ', s quite possible the one in the final cut was randomly chosen . the series ', trademark references to other horror films have become trite and obvious . possibly it ', s the absence of screenwriter kevin williamson  who penned the first two  or maybe it ', s that the hip ironic stance eventually consumes itself and a series that parodies film cliches eventually becomes a cliche . i groaned as an attack on sidney from the first " scream " was repeated moment - for - moment in the hollywood set of her home . at some point  referencing becomes just a means to cover up a poverty of new ideas . " scream 3 " also continues the tradition of having an eclectic set of cameos and familiar faces in small roles . look for jenny mccarthy  carrie fisher  patrick warburton ( puddy from " seinfeld " )  roger corman  and jason mewes and kevin smith ( as jay and silent bob ) to walk through at some point . all these bit players put forth more effort than the series ', returning stars  who are probably saving their energy for the long post - " scream " job search . another prediction i made in a previous review has come to pass : more movies are copying " the blair witch project " ', s web strategy . " scream 3 " has three official websites that ( wink  wink ) pretend that the events of the movie are real and provide additional backstory information not covered in the movie . the sunrise studios site ( scream3 . com ) has trailers for other sunrise releases as well as the " latest ', stab 3 ', news . " there ', s also a gail weathers official site ( galeweathers . com ) and a sunrise sucks site that has more " stab " scandals the studio wants to cover up ( sunrisesucks . com ) . craven and company promise that this is the last installment in the " scream " series . while i hope that ', s true  i don ', t hold out much hope - horror movie series are even harder to kill than their monsters . there ', s a " halloween h2k " in the works  even though michael myers was beheaded in " h20  " and a " freddy vs . jason " has been talked about for awhile  despite the fact that both characters were " killed off . " there ', s bound to be a " scream 4 " someday  even if it starts over with a new set of movie - star wannabes . bottom line : they should have called this one " yawn . "
neg i want to be involved in show business one day . and i refuse to do any sequels to any movie i may make because i believe they only get worse . this movie proves it for me . i was a little worried about the last batman film  as i thought joel schumaccer  taking over from tim burton  would screw it up . i also assumed val kilmer would screw up as bruce wayne . they didn ', t . kilmer did a good job  and the cast was left to carry the movie  which they did ( even jim carrey as the riddler and i can ', t stand jim carrey )  because schumaccer messed up the direction with his glitzy gotham and his awkward camera angles . this film is different . the cast is still impressive  but here  not only does schumaccer mess up with the direction ( he ', s one of those directors who ', s good with actors  terrible with camera angles )  but writer akiva goldsmith doesn ', t really give an impressive cast anything to do . the cast is impressive : clooney is a surprisingly good wayne / batman  o ', donnell is a crafty robin as usual  they could ', ve casted somebody better as batgirl ( my friend likes neve campbell )  but silverstone is not bad  and thurman is a good poison ivy . the major problem is schwarzenegger  who is a terrible freeze . his accent is so heavy  you can ', t understand what he says  and the trouble with action stars like him is they cannot act  and they know it  but they figure that if they flex their muscles  say a limited amount of stuff  and kill a bunch of guys  then they figure nobody ', ll notice . that ', s the trouble with me  * i * notice . schwarzenegger does not deserve billing over clooney  or as much money as he got for this  but hollywood thinks he does . patrick stewart was the person i ', d heard that was considered to play freeze  and he would ', ve been so much better . or sean connery  but not arnold " i ', m not an actor  but i play one in real life " schwarzenegger . i realize that you must be a star to play a major role in a batman film  but it would ', ve been nice if they ', d casted a star that had talent for the role . akiva goldsmith ', s screenplay avoids some stuff that happens in a normal batman film . in a regular batman film  they ', d concentrate on the relationship with the girlfriend a little more  but elle macpherson ', s julie madison is so limited here that we never get a real sense of who she is . there is talk of a fifth batman movie . my interest to see it is low  but i hope it ', s better than this . if you don ', t want to waste your time  rent any of the other batman movies from blockbuster . any other .
neg for a movie with such deep religious and spiritual undertones  it is surprising to find the messenger : the story of joan of arc such an ungodly mess . in the early to mid 1400 ', s  there was little in the way of spiritual light to be found shining from the heart of a man or woman . the church was a dismally dark and oppressive place . france was involved in " the hundred years war " against england . there was no strong political leadership in the country . morale was low  there being little hope for the future . it was within this setting that a young french girl began hearing " voices " and seeing " visions . " convinced that these were messages from god  she brazenly demanded to see the dauphin in order to deliver the message directly to him . the message : if he would give her an army to command  she would deliver to him the crown . he does . . . and she does . then  once seated on the throne  he abandons her to her english captors . director luc besson ( the fifth element ) may have co - wrote the script but he never appeared to have a proper handle on the material . the inconsistencies of the cast  the confusing blur of the violent battle scenes  the inappropriate musical score  and the lack of a vibrant life force at the center of the film adds up to a largely disappointing end product which is oftentimes unintentionally laughable . his biggest miscue was to cast his wife  milla jovovich ( the fifth element ) in the title role . ms . jovovich  looks spectacular as joan  clad in battle armor  astride a similarly protected horse . if looks were enough to fully convey a character  she would have been brilliant . since it isn ', t  she tried ( and failed ) to act the part . her joan is unbalanced  " inspiring " the troops merely by screaming stridently and waving her banner or sword over her head like a woman possessed . john malkovich ( being john malkovich ) fares a bit better as the dauphin  who joan would see on the throne as charles vii . an easily manipulated man  his weakness of character foreshadows the betrayal of joan which would lead to her death . faye dunaway ( the thomas crown affair ) gives a strong performance in minimal screen time as the dauphin ', s mother - in - law and chief advisor . the army under joan ', s command are comprised of comical figures  more stooges than soldiers . the one exception would be tcheky karyo ( la femme nikita ) as dunois  the man who was leading the attack prior to joan ', s arrival . trying to plan a systematic campaign  he sees his leadership authority negated by joan ', s insistence on following her " visions . " dustin hoffman ( sphere ) has a small inhuman role as joan ', s conscience which begins speaking to her while awaiting trial . dressed like cloaked monk  he leads her to doubt herself and her " revelations . " as well she should . scriptures do speak of revelation . god  via his gift of holy spirit  is able to communicate to men . three of the nine manifestations of holy spirit listed in 1 corinthians 12 deal with receiving revelation . they are : word of knowledge  word of wisdom  and discerning of spirits . even the scriptures themselves are a result of god giving revelation to his " holy men . . . who spake as they were moved by holy spirit ( i . e . by revelation . ) " but the scriptures also caution us : " beloved  believe not every spirit  but try the spirits whether they are of god : because many false prophets are gone out into the world . " 1 john 4 : 1 [ kjv ] joan ', s end  ( being burned at the stake at the age of 19 )  the frenzy ( mob rule ) and blood lust her inspiration wrought  and the death  pain  or suffering which followed her campaign all point to a devilish influence rather than a godly one . while her conviction and intense believing remains an admirable quality  she was  as others have been before and since  misled by the spiritual master of deception . as a messenger  she was quite effective . she was just confused as to whose message she was carrying .
neg possibly the years the most anticipated film and finally it arrives here in the uk . it smashed u . s box office office records in it ', s opening weekend and will no doubt do the same here . but is it any good ? in a word  no . i ', ll elaborate further . the story is as follows . apparently there were two islands with dinosaurs on . one where the dinos lived untouched by mankind and the other a tourist attraction which failed before it even opened . ( see jurrasic park . ) imgen  the company that funded jurrasic park  want to reccover their losses by taking more dinos off the other island and move them to a new attraction in san diago . realizing what a bad idea this is  proffessor john hammond ( richard attenborough ) decides to send a team to document the dinosaurs  so as to rally public support to preserve the island . enter familiar mumbling man jeff goldblum who only agrees to go when told his girlfriend is already there . so  basically  what you have is this . two teams  one sent to catch and move some dinosaurs to the mainland and the other  trying to document them  being forced to work together  fighting for survival against the dinosaurs ', firm intentions on eating them . a fairly good idea  however it ', s let down by one slight problem . it ', s crap . over two hours of chase scenes gets way too boring  way too quiclky . add to this a terrible script and some feeble attempts at some occasional characterisation and you end up very disinterested . it becomes background noise while your mind starts concentrating on things like  ', what ', s for tea ? ', and ', should you cut the lawn later ? ', ( yes  you should ) . it ', s a shame then really  that spielberg has lowered himself into making what essentially is a blatant cash in  which adds practically nothing to the far superior jurrasic park . with only a few creative and genuinely tense scenes and fabulous c . g . i dinosaurs ( the t . rex ', s have to be seen to be believed )  there is nothing else to recommend the lost world . a very dissapointing sequel  indeed .
neg " holy man " boasts a sweet  gentle  comic performance from an unusually subdued eddie murphy and a few moderately funny skits . unfortunately  to get to the good stuff you have to sit through a painfully long set - up  loads of tedious filler  interminable shots of jeff goldblum stammering and twitching  a superfluous romantic subplot and quite possibly the most annoying performance of robert loggia ', s career . if ever a movie screamed " wait for video so you can fast - forward through all the dull and annoying parts  " this is it . eddie murphy plays g  a robed nomadic pilgrim wandering the land enjoying the moment and spreading his spiritual message . a chance meeting with ricky hayman ( goldblum )  a stressed - out executive of a home - shopping channel  and kate newell ( kelly preston )  a no - nonsense media analyst  results in physical injury to g . quicker than you can say " the odd couple  " g ends up rooming with an extremely leery ricky . after some script gymnastics  g appears live on the air at the good buy shopping network  wreaking havoc on the cheesy product demonstrations  enraging network owner mr . mcbainbridge ( loggia )  and becoming a national media sensation . " holy man " attempts to be several things at once . it tries to satirize home shopping networks  but it ', s difficult to effectively make fun of something that is already a self - parody . the film attempts to teach us that collecting material possessions is merely a futile attempt to fill the spiritual holes in our hearts  but that ', s common knowledge already . " holy man " also tries to present a story of redemption  as ricky hayman tries to decide whether to exploit g ', s good will to achieve financial security or do the right thing at the expense of his career . anyone want to place a wager on his final decision ? the one genuine asset in " holy man " is eddie murphy  who gives a charming performance  sharing love  good will and relevant advice to all those around him  while beaming his million dollar smile at just the right moments . murphy is delightful and the film takes off whenever he ', s onscreen . unfortunately  he ', s not onscreen enough . jeff goldblum gets the lion ', s share of screen time and his tired storyline weighs the proceedings down . as his potential love interest  kelly preston tries to brighten things up  but she transforms from an all - business media shark to an empathic softy far too quickly and the abrupt change reeks of contrivance . the other principal actor  robert loggia  wastes his talents in a one - note turn as a ruthless  screaming monster . structurally unsound and way too long  " holy man " is appealing when murphy is onscreen and dull when he isn ', t . instead of dropping your money at the theater for this trifle  wait until it hits video and fast - forward past everything except the murphy scenes . g suggests that we focus on enjoying the moment and that ', s the best way to do so .
neg it ', s actually not so bad that dreamworks decided to release the love letter at about the same time as star wars episode i : the phantom menace  because this way less people will have to sit through this dreadful little comedy . and no  i really don ', t feel guilty about wishing this movie death at the box - office . really  i don ', t . not at all . the plot has been done before -- a mysterious  unaddressed love letter shows up in a small town  causing confusion for everyone who reads it . the center of the ensuing disaster is bookstore owner helen ( kate capshaw  and by the way  what is it with bookstore owner main characters ? in the past year and a half we ', ve seen them in life is beautiful  you ', ve got mail  this movie  and the upcoming notting hill )  who finds the letter in between couch cushions in the bookstore . she immediately starts testing other people to see who it might be from  and comes to the ( incorrect ) conclusion that the author of the note is a young employee played by tom everett scott . he  reading the letter himself  assumes that she wrote it for him . after a while  they fall in love ( well  duh ) . kate feels guilty about getting in a relationship with someone more than twenty years younger than her  and she also feels guilty because at the same time she is also involved with the town fireman ( tom selleck ) . to add to her turmoil  her mother shows up ( blythe danner  who apparently must have had her daughter when she was about 9 ) and her trusted bookstore manager ( deadpan ellen degeneres ) quits . supporting characters aren ', t called supporting for nothing . their purpose isn ', t just to move the plot along  they ', re also supposed to give the storyline a backbone . to do this  they must exhibit at least marginal depth and must also be interesting . rarely can a movie work if it puts an interesting protagonist in the middle and surrounds her with hackneyed  dull  cardboard secondary characters  especially when at the core of the movie is the protagonist ', s various interactions with them . this is the love letter ', s damning error . capshaw ', s character is as good as i have seen present in recent romantic comedies  but the people that surround her are all either underwritten or purely one - dimensional . because of that  the love letter is awkward and insincere . even worse -- it ', s a bore . i liked capshaw and her helen  but everyone else is painfully fake  undermining the little drama or sexual tension that has the potential to exist . there is nothing particularly hilarious about all this either -- and besides degeneres ', wisecracks  there ', s little that is even a little amusing . this is not a completely thoughtless film and director peter ho - sun chan does a good job of portraying helen ', s yearnings and various subtle complexities . but it ', s far from profound . there isn ', t a common theme running through the proceedings  thus the movie seems thoughtfully pointless . really  this is a harmless little movie ; it ', s far from an abomination and it ', s not torturous to sit through . but bad  it is . awful  it also is . the love letter is a failure  and an inane failure at that . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
neg surrounded by hype  high hopes  and the promise of an over - the - top performance by clueless ', s brittany murphy  don ', t say a word looked full of promise . hell  when i hear that " i ', ll never tell " whisper on the tv commercial  goose bumps run up my spine . alas  word is filled with little but disappointment  a kooky mix of girl  interrupted and ransom  with michael douglas and company collecting a paycheck to plod through a vapid and dull kidnapping thriller . douglas stars as nathan conrad  renowned new york psychologist  devoted father of jessie conrad ( skye mccole bartusiak )  and loving husband to aggie conrad ( famke janssen ) . after a gang of jewel thieves  headed by sean bean ', s koster  kidnaps his daughter  nathan is forced to extract from his new patient  the catatonic and violent elisabeth burrows ( murphy )  the location of some hidden bank job booty that her father hid from the koster gang a decade ago . but with hard - nosed detective sandra cassidy ( jennifer esposito  doing her best j . lo impression ) tracking down koster and his gang of hoodlums  the stakes are raised as nathan races against the clock to crack the mystery of elisabeth ', s head in order to get the goods inside . the catch - nathan only has until five o ', clock to solve the puzzle ! whoa  the suspense is almost too much . don ', t say a word loses the audience inside of 15 minutes . murphy looks and acts like linda blair from the exorcist during the first part of the movie  then turns around and reprises like her role from girl  interrupted . and the only real " crazy " to be found in the film is director gary fleder ', s ( things to do in denver when you ', re dead ) staggering use of flashback sequences . oliver platt  famke janssen  and even sean bean are decent actors  but the stuff they are given here -- such as a bedridden wife fighting off the token black guy with her crutch -- is insulting and demeaning . additionally  the use of the surveillance cameras and laptops to track nathan ', s every move is downright unbelievable . how do ex - cons fresh out of the big house afford all this equipment ? despite its flaws  don ', t say a word is surprisingly some of the best mainstream film you ', ll find this month -- and audiences will lap it up . americans love lukewarm  half - baked thrillers starring big names and accompanied by cheap thrills . someone get me my lithium !
neg some concepts seem patently hopeless from the beginning  a live - action version of mr . magoo being a prime example . the cartoon figure mr . magoo  the bumbling blind man  can be quite funny  but only in small doses and only within the confines of animated images . if you think naked gun star leslie nielsen is a dubious choice to play the role of the short guy who runs into walls  you are right  but there is an even more astonishing selection . for a director they tapped hong kong ', s stanley tong  whose resume consists mainly of a handful of movies featuring martial arts expert jackie chan . the story  such that there is one  is about a large  stolen ruby  which looks a woolworth reject . mr . magoo gets it and  of course  does not realize he has it . mayhem then ensues as the bad and the good guys chase each other with mr . magoo frequently oblivious to the fact that anyone is being chased . like home alone 3 but without any class  mr . magoo can only be described as painfully bad . fifteen minutes of it feels like an eternity . the movie ', s humor is pathetically lame  and the pacing is way off . when one is stuck in a theater for an hour and a half watching what claims to be a motion picture  one looks for some solace . mr . magoo provides only three such moments . the movie begins and ends with the classic cartoon version of the character  who exudes his usual charm . the only other saving grave in the movie itself is angus  the sweet little bulldog . angus demonstrates more genuine emotions and a wider acting range than any of the humans in the picture . finally  the ending credits contain outtakes of the movie  which have some of the genuineness and spontaneity that the movie badly lacked . rather than attempt to adapt mr . magoo to a non - cartoon movie  nielsen makes the strategic mistake of trying to literally be a human version of the cartoon . he has trouble sustaining the squinting eyes and the affected voice  and even when he does it comes off as awkwardly unfunny . my wife managed to get some sleep during the movie  but i was not so lucky . hopefully  this picture will force producers to think harder about which subjects have promise and which do not . mr . magoo runs 1 : 37 . it is rated pg for comic violence and would be acceptable for all ages . my son jeffrey  age 8  said he thought the movie was good and really funny  but recommends you not choose it if you want an action movie . he said he liked home alone 3 much more . his friend maxim  age 9  said that he thought it was good but very silly and parts did not make sense . his other friend nickolas  age 8  said he ', d give the movie * * * 1 / 2  but that it was really silly .
neg breakdown is an moderately entertaining  if underwhelming  thriller . kurt russell and kathleen quinlan play couple jeff and amy taylor  taking the scenic route to california through redneck country . however  while in the middle of nowhere  their jeep decides to break down  leaving them stranded . a friendly truck driver  warren ( walsh )  offers to give them a lift to town . although jeff rejects the offer ( he wants to stay with his car )  amy agrees  hops into warren ', s lorry  and promptly disappears . jeff wonders where the hell she is  and when he later catches up with warren and warren says he has never seen amy in his life  the plot thickens and jeff goes on a chase to find his wife . although comparisons can be made with this film to deliverance ( 1972 ) and the vanishing ( 1993 ) plot wise  the latter two are far superior character and script wise . kurt russell is o . k as jeff  although he can seemingly only pull of one expression  which is angry . throughout the whole film  he looks angry ( or just pissed off . ) quinlan is o . k again  but again she can only pull off one expression  which is looking dorky . throughout the whole film  she looks dorky . j . t walsh ( who  sadly  recently passed away ) is fine as warren ( who we soon find out is a kidnapper ) although his actual character is pretty weak  and not really menacing enough . the supporting cast do their best aswell  with rex linn as a doubting sheriff  and the other kidnappers . the story  written by first - timer jonathan mostow ( who also directs ) is o . k  if surprisingly familiar and sometimes extraordinarily stupid . some of the things the characters do in this movie is beyond the bounds of idiocy . there are some flaws with the plot also  as the characters do the complete opposite to logical ( presumably to keep the story ', exciting ', ) and also the fact that the story just isn ', t strong enough to sustain the audience ', s attention . the picture moves along very slowly also . it almost threatens to drop dead . the picture does pick up towards the end  but by then it ', s too late . mostow directs the action sequences well enough  however . the film doesn ', t really come to a satisfying conclusion  either . the ending tries to be bleak  but just comes off annoying . breakdown could of been a far more enjoyable picture had it had a stronger cast and director . instead  it just turns out to be merely average . a missed opportunity . overall rating = review by david wilcock
neg ugh . that about sums this movie up . just  ugh . the original godzilla movies are somewhat of a cult classic  and when reviewing the previous films  each film had a certain degree of intelligence . and that was the reason they found such an enviable cult following ; in spite of bad special effects  horrible dubbing  and a man in a lizard suit  they maintained a certain degree of . . . how to put this ? . . . dignity ? not quite the word i ', m looking for . you understand  right ? and in 50 years  godzilla has maintained that degree of ', whatever ', . leave it to america to screw the whole thing up . > from the ', geniuses ', that brought us " independece day "  arguably the worst sci - fi movie of all time  to ruin whatever reputation godzilla had . while they do bring us eye - popping special effects that will amaze you  they lost what was at the center of all the original godzilla movies -- a storyline . summing up the movie is simple . heck  i can do it in one sentence : giant lizard attacks a giant city and a bunch of nobodies stop it . simple as that . matthew broderick stumbles over his lines  and it ', s hard to picture hank azaria in any role besides his classic dog - walking character on the television show " mad about you " . the dialogue seems to be improvized  almost as if there was no rehearsel done at all . i can see the scene on the set right now . " all right ! we spent all of this money making big special effects  and we ', ve gotta get this movie out by summer or it ', s going to bomb in our faces . so  you actors just say what ever comes to the top of your head  all right ? make up something  m ', kay ? good . roll film ! ! " the special effects are enough to keep you interested through one viewing  and some of the cinemtography is well - done ( the scene with the black umbrellas comes to mind ) . still  an hour into it  you will become antsy  wondering how long they can drag it out . and drag it out they do ! ! i have to laugh . the slogan for the film is  " size does matter " . i think they cut this too short . it should read  " size does matter . acting does not . "
neg ripe with explosions  mass death and really weird hairdos  tsui hark ', s " double team " must be the result of a tipsy hollywood power lunch that decided jean - claude van damme needs another notch on his bad movie - bedpost and nba superstar dennis rodman should have an acting career . actually  in " double team  " neither ', s performance is all that bad . i ', ve always been the one critic to defend van damme -- he possesses a high charisma level that some genre stars ( namely steven seagal ) never aim for ; it ', s just that he ', s never made a movie so exuberantly witty since 1994 ', s " timecop . " and rodman . . . well  he ', s pretty much rodman . he ', s extremely colorful  and therefore he pretty much fits his role to a t  even if the role is that of an ex - cia weapons expert . it ', s the story that needs some major work . van damme plays counter - terrorist operative jack quinn  who teams up with arms dealer yaz ( rodman ) to rub out deadly gangster stavros ( mickey rourke  all beefy and weird - looking ) in an antwerp amusement park . the job is botched when stavros ', son gets killed in the gunfire  and quinn is taken off to an island known as " the colony " -- a think tank for soldiers " too valuable to kill " but " too dangerous to set free . " quinn escapes and tries to make it back home to his pregnant wife ( natacha lindinger )  but stavros is out for revenge and kidnaps her . so  what ', s a kickboxing mercenary to do ? quinn looks up yaz and the two travel to rome so they can rescue the woman  kill stavros  save the world and do whatever else the screenplay requires them to do . with crazy  often eye - popping camera work by peter pau and rodman ', s lite brite locks  " double team " should be a mildly enjoyable guilty pleasure . but too much tries to happen in each frame  and the result is a movie that leaves you exhausted rather than exhilarated . the numerous action scenes are loud and headache - inducing and the frenetic pacing never slows down enough for us to care about what ', s going on in the movie . and much of what ', s going on is just wacky . there ', s a whole segment devoted to net - surfing monks that i have yet to figure out . and the climax finds quinn going head - to - head with a tiger in the roman coliseum while yaz circles them on a motorcycle  trying to avoid running over land mines and hold on to quinn ', s baby boy ( who ', s in a bomb equipped basket ) -- all this while stavros watches shirtless from the bleachers . did i mention " double team " is strange ? when it all comes down  this is just another rarely entertaining formula killathon  albeit one that feels no need to indulge in gratuitous profanity . rodman juices things up with his blatantly vibrant screen persona  though  leading up to a stunt where he kicks an opponent between the legs . but we didn ', t need " double team " to tell us he could do that  did we ?
neg synopsis : a man whose lover  paris  was murdered agrees to test out an experimental virtual reality home unit system . the subject escapes from the real world and his current girlfriend  laura  and becomes addicted to virtual reality  which  due to a design flaw in his unit  recreates the dead paris . comments : virtual seduction  executive produced by roger corman and lance h . robbins  serves as a cheaply - made precursor to strange days  a far superior film . both movies deal with desperate men who have trouble relating to their current lovers because they are ( ab ) using technology to be with former lovers ( in strange days  the technology utilized recorded dreams rather than virtual reality ) . interestingly  both films also take place a couple of years from now during the turn of the new millenium  though strange days uses the setting far more effectively . this exemplifies the problem with virtual seduction . it ', s not bad for what it is : low - budget science fiction concerning the psychological dangers of virtual reality . unfortunately  it ', s been done before and since in much better films  a fact which ultimately leaves the sci - fi fan bored by this movie . virtual seduction has many faults ( one of them is the fact that the video inexplicably has its own trailer before it begins ) . the film ', s script explores the possibilities of virtual reality interestingly at first  but its treatment of the subject matter gets heavy - handed and wooden as the movie progresses . many important scenes seem too dark ; the lighting could have been improved significantly . the cast  a collection of veteran b - movie actors and sitcom regulars  do only a mediocre job in their roles . jeff fahey  of the original lawnmower man  convincingly  though unenergetically  plays the lead character . carrie genzel plays paris  the vr lover  but ami dolenz  as the current love interest  seems like a much more interesting and attractive character with a caring personality  which doesn ', t lend credence to the film ', s premise . meschach taylor  of the once popular designing women sitcom  adequately plays a scientist working on the project  but his performance isn ', t something to write home about either . virtual seduction is one of those harmless movies to which you could do some light manual labor and not mind having it on in the background . in other words  one could fold laundry while glancing up at it every now and then  but it ', s rather boring to just sit and watch . the movie is surprisingly not as violent as one expects from b - movies in this genre  but it is still an adult r - rated film due to sexual situations and a suicide attempt . this turkey  ultimately  isn ', t awful  but it ', s not particularly interesting or unique either . don ', t be seduced into watching this movie unless you ', ve got several loads of laundry and nothing else to watch .
neg yeah  yeah  the advertisements didn ', t even try to conceal the fact that this movie had only one hook - sex . neve campbell and starship trooper ', s denise richards getting it on ? ok ! yeah  it ', s a decent two minutes of film erotica  but even if that ', s your main interest in this film  there ', s plenty of cheeziness to sit thru in exchange for those two minutes . wild things does have a lot more to think about than you might expect however . nearly every single scene is a huge plot twist guaranteed to leave you guessing  or at least curious to see the next turn  throughout the entire movie . but this fast - paced  razor - sharp turning of events doesn ', t leave much time to enjoy the surprises . we start off in a high - class california high school where every student resembles a supermodel in the making . guidance counselor sam lombardo ( matt dillon ) seems to catch the eye of every student  particularly kelly van ryan ( richards )  daughter of the locally prestigious family whose social status is about as high as their bank accounts . right off the bat  kelly is using every asset she has in an effort to seduce " mr . lombardo " . the fund - raiser car wash seems the opportune time  particularly when you wash your guidance counselor ', s jeep in all white clothes and take plenty of precautions to insure you ', ll be soaked from head to toe when you ', re done . on the weekend of the car wash  kelly ', s attempts at seduction fall flat  and when they do  she concocts the tale that sam in fact raped her that day . naturally sam is thrown into a state of panicked shock at these accusations . but the otherwise unsubstantial fabrications soon lead to a criminal trial when a low - class  marijuana smoking student by the name of suzie toller ( campbell ) comes forth with a near identical story  also involving her trusted guidance counselor . pitting himself against the communities most respected names and authoritarians  sam must prove his innocence thru the aid of his makeshift defense attorney  ken bowden  played by bill murray . yes  that bill murray ! sound like a good  complete movie ? yes  that alone could have been  but this is just the beginning . in fact  the trial is over about fifteen or twenty minutes into the film . it is merely used to launch the most twisted story of recent time . by the time the movie finishes  you will have gone thru every plot twist imaginable . unfortunately  with so much going on  you ', re not given enough time in one predicament to be as effectively shocked when a new twist comes about . this is just one way director john mcnaughton fails to make this movie as fun as it could ', ve been . the 113 minutes fly by  and although it never feels underdeveloped  this pretzel of storytelling could ', ve been much more richly realized had a slower pace been taken . the acting is incredibly reminiscent of fox prime - time soap operas  which no  is not a good thing . and it ', s not just campbell  who happens to hail from the prime - time fox soap " party of five "  but everyone suffers from heavily melodramatic overtones . dillon  who was so charming in his understated role in last year ', s in & out  gives the best performance  and murray ', s surprising appearance adds some comedic flare to the film . in fact  if the whole movie had been promoted as a subtle comedy  even if it was the exact same film  i would actually give it a better grade . that ', s how cheezy it comes off . but aside from these two  the rest offer nothing more than some good eye - full ', s . in the right hands  wild things could ', ve been a wickedly delightful  scrumptiously twisted thriller  but instead we get juvenile overuses of profanity and some very laughable displays of acting . and what ', s up with these people passing as high school students ? i realize hollywood often casts older actors to play teenage roles  but when i realized it wasn ', t supposed to be a college they were at  i had to snicker . i won ', t lie - this is definitely a guilty pleasure . as corny as it is  it ', s got some interesting aspects and could deserve at least a " b " for effort . but if you just want to admire denise richards  go for last year ', s starship troopers  which was every bit as campy  but a million times better . of course  if seeing her breasts is your most important goal  you ', ll be right at home with wild things . perhaps the wildest thing of all is that somebody actually looked at this and thought it deserved to be in theaters .
neg i was recently told that in china their had been strong protests against the release of red corner \x16 and this is apparently because of the way it shows the injustice of many chinese laws . but if you ask me  the real truth of the matter is that the chinese critics association were determined not to punish the population into viewing richard gere running across rooftops in search for a fellow american . or more the point  anyone that allows him to bask in his own less - than - subtle presence . this is not an insult to gere  as i consider him to be a rather talented actor \x16 but more the choice of character and responsibility of his role . if a film is solely about one person  the main actor must give a faultless performance in order for it to really work . although gere \x12 s performance is in no way poorly acted  it is far from perfect \x16 and i look forward to seeing him star with other talented actors that can reduce the need for him to carry a film by himself . this is where he truly belongs  and if you are reluctant to believe me than look no further that primal fear ( with the sensational edward norton )  the jackal ( with bruce willis ) and pretty woman ( with the delightful julia roberts ) . in red corner gere plays classy lawyer jack moore  who is guilty of the same personality traits as his character martin vail in primal fear \x16 bold and up front  who thinks he is three steps ahead of everybody else but is actually two steps behind . it is with invulnerability of both mental and physical kind that the character of moore is portrayed  which left me barracking for the chinese to haul his sorry ass into jail . it doesn \x12 t take long from the film \x12 s beginning for jack moore \x12 s charm to work on a pretty chinese lady  and in no time they are in bed together in a hotel room \x16 drunk and cheerful . yet instead of a hangover  poor jack finds himself covered in blood and the chinese chick dead on a couch . he is arrested and hauled into a chinese prison . his cell  food and rights \x16 all terrible . now trapped in a foreign land without adequate aid from the american embassy  lawyer shen yuelin ( bai ling ) defends his case by initially pleading guilty to the charge of murder . jack and shen argue about their countries different laws ; shen stating that \x13 they will shoot you in the back and charge the cost of the bullet to your family . \x14 as the plot thickens  scenes get progressively more ridiculous \x16 ranging from richard gere running over rooftops in search of the us embassy to a scooby doo ending where the least expected but - you - knew - along criminal is discovered . red corner is one of those films where you sneer  laugh or vomit you \x12 re way through all of its minutes . what should have been a politically taunt thriller is little more than a pointless expedition to see how stressed out richard gere can act . this is not to say that the film does not have its moments \x16 there are some tense court room scenes that are shrewdly created \x16 telling the tale of foreign injustice and government corruption . but what they amount to spoils the effect of having them in the first place \x16 perhaps this is why red corner is so frustrating to watch . if you look at the films overall concept fairly broadly  the basic idea is quite tangible . it is upon the film \x12 s execution where the diminutive plot twists and developments fail to impress or innovate - the evidence that goes missing  the high powered officials shielding the truth and intolerable love angles have all been done so many times before . if that wasn \x12 t bad enough  red corner \x12 s dialogue is purely laughable on many occasions . shen yuelin attempts to gain sympathy by reciting renaissance of a destitute relationship with her deceased father  whilst jack moore is eager to talk about chinese musical instruments when he could have been working on a plan to free himself . taking itself far too seriously  red corner is not half the film it intends to be . although it would have benefited from the help of a more valuable supporting cast  the film \x12 s main fault is in the bizarre ( and often out of place ) way of unfolding a story which isn \x12 t that meritorious anyway . whilst richard gere still proves that has what it takes to be known as a decent actor  i would think twice before going to see him attempt to manage such a serious yet hollow drama again . martin vail \x05 where are you ?
neg not so long ago  men by the names of peckinpah  ford  leone  and eastwood made westerns . real westerns . these were some of the best films of the twentieth century . those days are gone . now we have crap like wild wild west to pass for the western . and that record is not improved with the unbearable tale of american outlaws . outlaws is yet another re - telling of the jesse james legend  courtesy of b - movie king james g . robinson ( producer of such classics as wrongfully accused and chill factor ) . delayed since the spring  this version stars the irish hunka hunka burning love colin farrell ( the best part of schumacher ', s tigerland ) as the bad - ass jesse james . alas  any sense of his character has been left on the ranch  leaving us with only cute chicks like ali larter ( minus the whipped cream ) to watch . the spin this time around : fresh from serving as southern militiamen in the civil war  jesse james ( farrell )  his brother frank ( gabriel macht )  and his pal cole younger ( scott caan ) lay down their arms and head home to missouri to tend the family farms after the war has ended . but trouble is brewing in their small town of liberty when evil railroad baron thaddeus rains ( harris yulin ) and his cronies rollin parker ( terry o ', quinn ) and allan pinkerton ( timothy dalton ) demand the boys turn over their lands to the railroads . the jameses and the youngers then join forces to fight the railroad -- by robbing banks up and down missouri  thus cutting off the railroad ', s financial surplus and playing robin hood to the local people . along the way  the boys squabble over who ', s the cutest of the gang  who ', s the most popular cowboy in the gang  and who ought to go on mtv ', s total request live . they rob numerous banks with identical interiors  always with the kindest of hearts  strutting in their grungy dusters as moby songs play in the background . the witty banter they share could be plastered within a hallmark card . the biggest disappointment here lies in the acting of colin farrell . after a great job in tigerland  farrell walks through this role easier then nicolas cage in gone in 60 seconds . and his american accent rivals richard gere ', s irish accent in the jackal . combined with feeling like bonanza : the teen years  this homogenized production ( toned down to get the ever - popular pg - 13 rating ) gives us an invincible jesse james that quickly grows tiresome and boring . the unbearable villains courtesy of timothy dalton and thaddeus rains spend the entire film proclaiming that everyone should be hanged  sucking out any energy left in the film . not to mention : the real story of jesse james and his gang bears no resemblance to the plot of american outlaws . instead  the movie is full of old  outrageous tales about the wild west -- tales which went out of style in 5 - cent magazines about a century ago .
neg actually  i ', m fairly sure the experience of having my flesh torn and mutilated by barbed wire would have been more positive than watching this movie . " baywatch " babe pamela anderson lee proves once and for all that she should keep her double - d ', s on the small screen . at least there you don ', t have to pay to see her cleavage . and for those viewers out there who would only lay down money for this movie in hopes of seeing pam topless  hate to burst your bubble  but there are no full - fledged nude scenes in barb wire . you wouldn ', t be reading this review right now if i had known that fact going in . i can ', t go back in time and reverse my mistake  but i can warn other horny teenage boys out there . they do tease us a few times with scenes where you almost see her topless but if she is nude  it ', s so quick you can ', t even tell for sure whether you ', re seeing her andersons or not . a nipple hallucination sort of thing . barb wire was adapted from a comic book  interesting because pamela is probably the only woman who looks like a comic book character in real life  even wearing low - cut leather to do office work ( businesswoman bondage wear ) and having unreal body proportions . yes  like the mona lisa  pamela anderson is a man - made beauty  probably in more senses than one . she is a definite beauty  though  and looking at her is never an unpleasant experience . you ', d just think the woman who began her career as a playboy playmate wouldn ', t have any reservations about appearing nude in the movie  because it ', s obvious she wasn ', t pulling a sharon stone and trying to make people pay attention to her acting skills . i mean  she shows off more cleavage here than a jeweler ', s convention . the movie is set in the year 2017  " the worst year of my life  " pam says . ( " the worst movie of the year  " i say . ) america is going through a second civil war and pamela is a nightclub owner in the only free city in the nation ( silicone valley  i think ) . she also hires herself out as a bounty hunter when the price is right  posing as first a stripper and later as a prostitute . but don ', t call her " babe . " she hates that  and reminds us of that fact way too many times . imagine  a woman who does a trapeze strip tease in a bar while having a hose sprayed on her being referred to in such a sexist  demeaning term . a liberated woman like pamela anderson shouldn ', t have to hear words like " babe " during a strip tease  especially since that movie about the talking pig was such a success . the plot ( ha - ha ) revolves around a pair of contact lenses that allow their wearer to pass through the congressional directorate ', s retina scanners . in the words of one of the characters  they ', re " more than meets the eye . " reminds me of the " transformers " cartoon  and i sure wished the movie could somehow be transformed into something decent  but that never happened . no  the movie just continued on its path of lame action scenes starring pamela van - damme  big - busted kickboxer  and her resistance accomplices  ex - boyfriend axel ( tamuera morrison ) and cora ( victoria rowell ) . thank god they didn ', t name her cora reef . one bad character name is more than enough . pamela originally doesn ', t take sides  giving some speech about she ', s only loyal to the money they pay her  but she changes her mind once the congressional bastards kill her blind brother  jack noseworthy of bon jovi " always " video fame . i still don ', t know if barb wire is a step up or step down for noseworthy  but he definitely is nose worthy ( even if he isn ', t sponge worthy ) . pam gets ready to avenge his death by grabbing up an armful of semi - automatic weapons and strapping an ammunitions belt to her chest . it ', s not rambo . . . it ', s bimbo ! mark my words  barb wire will be all over the cinemax network in a year . it ', s got all the elements of the direct - to - video releases featured on hbo ', s bastard cousin  the cable channel i ', d never watch if it didn ', t somehow come free . it ', s got the non - titillating scenes of voyeurism  laughable flashbacks  bad dialogue and action cliches out the wazzoo . there ', s even a narrator at the beginning setting up the movie ', s premise while the words scroll up the screen . someone needs to tell pamela the wookie this ain ', t star wars . if you ', ve seen any action flick of the past fifteen years  you ', ll recognize plenty of lifted elements . barb wire has the obligatory trucks flipping over  car crashes  explosions  broken glass and slow - motion shots of bodies falling hundreds of feet to their death . this is one of those automatic - pilot movies anyone could write or direct . barb wire has only two things going for it . . . and i think you know what those two things are .
neg part buddy comedy  part fish - out - of - water story  part nature tale  meet the deedles is not nearly as interesting as any of those archetypes . in fact  it is an invitation you ought to disregard . phil and stew deedle ( paul walker and steve van wormer ) are the twin sons of the famous millionaire  elton deedle ( eric braeden )  founder of deedle enterprises . elton wants his sons to be the perfect heirs to his fortune . . . instead the two are careless hawaiian surf bums . to set them straight  he enrolls them into a strict wyoming boot camp  to which the pair inevitably go . after several misadventures in wyoming  where the duo is stunned to discover there ', s no surf  the brothers deedle stumble upon a routine mistaken identity plot . they arrive at yellowstone national park  where they are believed to be two new park ranger recruits . rather than slinking back home and disappointing their dad  the deedles play along . phil  actually  has other motives : the beautiful park ranger jesse ( a . j . langer )  who unfortunately happens to be the beloved stepdaughter of the overprotective park ranger captain douglas pine ( john ashton ) . yellowstone has a problem . it ', s only a week before the famous geyser old faithful celebrates its one billionth birthday  and the park is being overrun with prairie dogs . not just one or two . . . thousands of them . the deedles are assigned to eliminate the p . dog menace  not knowing that it all is part of a fiendish plan by disgraced former head ranger frank slater ( dennis hopper ) . the brothers deedle aren ', t supposed to be out - and - out stupid  like the team from dumb and dumber  or bill and ted . instead  their brains just operate in a different  simpler  realm . a more accurate comparison would be with carrot top in chairman of the board  a film which  unfortunately  this one resembles in several hideous ways . the central problem with meet the deedles is that it simply just isn ', t funny . there ', s a moment when phil utters the line  " insert laugh here "  which nearly sums up the entire meet the deedles experience . the result isn ', t bad in a run - shrieking - from - the - theater type of way . instead  it ', s merely bad in an excruciatingly boring sort of way . the cast seems decent  but they ', re never asked to do anything remotely interesting . instead  the film inundates the audience with countless shots of people and / or cars rolling downhill in the forest  and with constant annoying references to other disney films . you ', ll have much better luck finding a good spot to surf in wyoming than finding entertainment in meet the deedles .
neg adam sandler isn ', t known for appearing in deep  thought - provoking films  but he ', s still a really funny guy . most of his movies are successful not because of the film making behind them  but because they let sandler do what he does best without a stupid plot to drown him out . big daddy is the first film in which the story seems more important than sandler ', s comic performance  and it ', s a miserable failure . sandler plays a thirty - something loser who gets attached to an orphaned young boy ( played by cole and dylan sprouse ) . as one might expect from the synopsis  director dennis dugan resorts to the usual bag of manipulative and sentimental sequences  including a repulsive courtroom battle and a lot of teary scenes in which characters say " good - bye " to one another ; in addition  there ', s a ridiculous amount of disgusting toilet humor ( urine and vomit both get more screen time than sandler himself ) . there ', s a hilarious running joke featuring a female doctor who previously worked at hooters  and the film features passable performances from sandler  joey lauren adams ( as the love interest )  and the two young boys  but the film on the whole is trite and disappointingly unfunny .
neg at the end of an action scene in " lara croft : tomb raider  " a wall collapses near the nubile warrior . with her face on the floor  she gazes into the rubble  then grins abruptly and says " oh  my car keys ! " i mention this scene because it was the only moment in the whole damned production that made me smile . based on an incredibly popular video game  " lara croft : tomb raider " is a lousy movie . the structure goes like this : poorly - staged action sequence  boring exposition  poorly - staged action sequence  boring exposition  etc . etc .  the end . basically  the film exists to showcase angelina jolie ', s puffy lips and enhanced tits . close - ups are framed oh - so - carefully to include her million dollar bazooms . running scenes highlight her bouncing breasts in vintage " baywatch " fashion . there ', s even include a shower scene that offers a brief side view of them . but the filmmakers are so inept they can ', t even flash the audience correctly . the one extended display of nudity is of - get ready for this - a guy . for no particular reason  a muscular supporting character strolls around naked for about 30 seconds  with each shot composed to barely cover his package  ? la " austin powers . " now  i enjoy a good looking male body as much as the next gay guy  but what the hell is beefcake doing in a t & a flick aimed at heterosexual males ? of course  what else should one expect in a film that does virtually nothing right ? " tomb raider " sets up elaborate action set pieces  then renders them incomprehensible with needless jump cut editing ( a promising dual bungee cord battle is ruined by excessive cuts ) . it promises a series of exotic locales  then delivers cavernous sets and grimy matte paintings with smoggy skies . throw in some bargain basement computer graphics and you end up with the ugliest movie to come down the pike in many moons . intended to be a rousing " indiana jones " style adventure  " tomb raider " lacks any sense of tension . the low point comes when lara is " threatened " by statues of monkey warriors and a giant multi - armed shiva figure that come to life courtesy of cgi . easily the lamest menaces i have ever seen  the creatures move like snails and fall apart with a single shot from a gun . if you ever have to be chased by monsters  pray that you get the monkey warriors . " tomb raider " tells a story  sort of . once every 5  000 years  the planets align . a group of very bad men are out to find two halves of an object that  if reassembled just as the planets align  will give them control over time itself . lara ', s goal is to stop them and rescue her long - missing poppa ( jon voight  jolie ', s real life dad ) . none of this matters though  because stunning gaps in internal logic assure that the plot of " lara croft : tomb raider " is as lame as ever other aspect of the film ? except angelina jolie ', s lips and breasts .
neg when robert forster found himself famous again after appearing in " jackie brown "  he immediately signed up for a little film called " american perfekt " . this was almost two years ago . i waited patiently for the film to be released  but it never was . finally  i forgot about it . the other day  though  while i was perusing the selection of the local video store  i stumbled upon  you guessed it  " american perfekt " . i immediately rented it and with a certain amount of glee  rushed home to view it . having now seen the film  i understand why it never saw theatrical release . " american perfekt " is a jumbled mess . the storyline is non - existent . it took me half the movie just to figure out what was going on . and at that point  the only thing i really knew for sure was that the movie was * never * going to introduce a plot of some sort . it wants to get by on quirkyness and so - called charm alone  and it just doesn ', t work . robert forster plays a psychiatrist who picks up amanda plummer  and they head off on the road together . along the way to no discernable destination  they run into all sorts of kooky and wacky characters . i suppose this free - wheeling  no plot style is supposed to give the film an element of danger and excitment  but all it did was make me sleepy . i ', m all for trying new things within the realm of film  but not at the expense of coherence . nothing in this movie makes sense . the actions of the characters go unexplained  even when they ', re truly bizarre . i ', ll give you an example  without giving too much away . david thewlis has a part as a drifting con - man . at one point  mid - way through the movie  he runs forster and plummer off the road with his car . as he passes them  we see that his face is covered in blood . do you think we would get an explanation as to what happened to him ? you would think so  wouldn ', t you . " american perfekt " is a waste of time . nothing is gained from watching this movie  except maybe a migraine . and if you do rent it  don ', t bother trying to figure out what ', s going on in the hopes that everything will be resolved by the end . this doesn ', t happen . and no explanation is given for the misspelling of " perfect "  either .
neg you ', d think that after awhile hollywood would stop trying to make movies out of video games . it hasn ', t worked so far . " street fighter ? " " super mario brothers ? " " wing commander ? " " mortal kombat ? " not a watchable film in the bunch . still i held out some hope for " tomb raider . " after all  the game ', s premise is heavily influenced by the indiana jones trilogy and all the mummy movies  so there are cinematic elements imbedded in the concept . however  despite the potential of the project  " tomb raider " proves to be yet another bomb . the plot is a convoluted accumulation of nonsense probably borrowed from a dozen bad movies . there ', s a once - ever - 5000 - years alignment of planets coming up  and the illuminati have to find both halves of an ancient triangle that controls time in order to take over the world . of course  the ancient folks who divided the triangle buried the halves in tombs on opposite sides of the world . our heroine  lady lara croft ( angelina jolie )  finds the key that opens the tombs in relics that her dead father ( jon voight ) dug up . she figures that if she gets the triangle  she can bring her dad back from the dead . of course  no one was expecting much of a plot from this movie anyway . in both video games and action movies  the plot is just an excuse for the action sequences . however  the action in " tomb raider " shows little style or originality . there ', s lots of shooting and some kung fu fightin ',  but none of it progresses beyond the level of a cheap direct - to - cable flick . the other goofy archeologist flick of the summer  " the mummy returns  " was much better ; it had its flaws  but its action was creative and large - scale . since winning her academy award for " girl  interrupted  " jolie hasn ', t taken any projects that would display her acting talents . " tomb raider " seems to be more interested in displaying her breasts ; so much attention is drawn to them that it ', s a shame there ', s no oscar for best performance by a wonderbra . while we don ', t see much of her acting ability ( with the exception of a wonderful upper - crust british accent )  we do get a hint of jolie ', s less savory side . considering the rumors of incest that hang over jolie and her supposed obsession with death  having lara be obsessed with resurrecting her dead father ( and uninterested in any of the living males around her ) seems a poor choice . having jolie ', s real life father jon voight play the dead dad makes it even creepier . i haven ', t decided what to make of director simon west yet . his first feature was the star - studded disaster " con air  " but my opinion of him improved with " the general ', s daughter  " which was thick with sultry atmosphere . now this train wreck . i hope he improves again because his next project is the big screen version of the cult tv series " the prisoner . " hollywood has already screwed up " the avengers  " and " the prisoner " represents a chance for redemption . ( by the way  speaking of british tv  " red dwarf " fans should look for chris " rimmer " barrie in his first major film role ) .
neg the last of vampire - films offers plenty of blood and gore  but beyond that - nothing . jack crow ( james woods ) is a professional vampire slayer that is secretly working for the vatican . his and his men ', s mission is to clean the earth from vampires . they have lost count of how many vampires they have slaughtered  but one has always escaped them . valek ( thomas ian griffith ) - the dark messias and ruler of the undead that is older than time itself . for all eternity the vampires have searched for their salvation - the black cross . with the cross in their possesion  the vampires will be able to walk in the sunlight . after that it is either the humans or the vampires who will dominate the earth . . . i have never liked john carpenter and his style . after seeing this film  my opinions have not changed . john carpenter remains john carpenter . however  because of the film ', s self - irony  black humour and fascinating cinematography  i would say that it is his greatest achievement in a long  long time . neither the synopses or carpenter ', s direction are original . but there are some things that are interesting . the director ', s negative view on the catholic church  for instance . at the end of the film it becomes clear that cardinal alba ( maximilian schell ) has simply used crow and his team to find valek  so that he would gain eternal life . otherwise the catholic priests are shown cool - drinking  smoking and breaking the rool of celibacy . carpenter has created an interesting atmosphere . set in new mexican dessert  he switches between bright golden sunrises and bloody sundowns  symbolically illustrating the good and the evil through light and darkness . more than anything in this film  this simple illustration shows the battle between good and evil . the cinematography by gary b . kibbe is probably the film ', s greatest achievement . music ( composed by john carpenter himself ) is at times effective  the special effects and makeup are likewise worth a notice . when it comes to the cast ( in an intellectual film like this casting is the last problem ; everyone can scream and swing the axe ! )  but here james woods is suprisingly convincing . he is macho and cool as the dedicated hunter  who lost his family to the " breed of evil " . woods is constantly overacting  which really saves the film from falling into the trap of serious self importance . daniel baldwin is also entertaining as crow ', s loyal partner . the other cast members are struggling . because the film doesn ', t take itself too seriously  it stays afloat . still it is like most vampire - films - a mediocre experience .
neg i ', m not sure who the genius is who came up with the idea of comparing " disturbing behavior " with " scream . " maybe it ', s because they ', re both horror films ( kinda )  both have hot young stars  both have an annoying alternative soundtrack  and both are aimed at the teenage crowd  which i guess includes me . but this is not the next in line with the " scream " flicks as well as the " i know what you did last summer " soon to be flicks . it owes less to " halloween " and more to kafka and orwell  which  in my book  makes for a more interesting feature . and it should have been . this is basically a rehash of " the stepford wives  " the great 70s film i never saw starring katherine ross and dealing  as i ', ve been told  with a bunch of women who are programmed to be perfect housewives . or something like that . " behavior  " starring katie holmes of " dawson ', s creek  " deals with a bunch of teenagers  deep in angst  who are being programmed to be perfect teenagers . suck - ups . preppies . it actually  at least to me  sounds like it would work  and with scott rosenberg  that witty penmen who has written stuff like " beautiful girls " and " things to do in denver when you ', re dead " ( as well as " con air " )  it actually sounds like it may be pulled off with the right amount of frights and satiric wit . alas  it ', s not  and it plumets into that little group of movies known as " the movies with potential that blow it . " i remember a film called " white man ', s burden " which dealt with a reversal of blacks and whites in society that did nothing with it ', s potentially brilliant premise . here ', s another one . it could be a brilliant satire on how teenagers need to go through teen angst in order to find themselves . it ', s a stage  and this film does in fact realize that . it gets its message across and it does it effortlessly . now it just needs to work as a film . which it doesn ', t . it ', s too sloppy and too contrived . it paints a bleak portrait of high school life . . . then lets it lie . it brings us a bunch of scary monsters who are all a bunch of disgustingly icky kiss - ups who do food drives and hang out at a 50s diner drinking milk shakes . . . then gives it a cheap twist : when they get horny  they become homicidal . isn ', t it scary enough that they ', re like this  and can ', t the real terror in the town be that you could be next to be just like them - not that you could be next to die ? the film introduces us two three different characters who  in the beginning  are considered outsiders because they ', re not ( yet ) part of this clique : the new kid  steve ( james marsden - dull dull dull dull )  who ', s having trouble at home because he hasn ', t gotten over his brother ', s ( ethan embry  in quick flashes so you don ', t recognize him - i did ) suicide ; the renegade girl  rachel ( katie holmes  from " dawson ', s creek " )  who ', s chief personality trait is her prominent nose ring ; and by far the most interesting kid  gavin ( nick stahl  the kid from " the man without a face " )  who ', s the most interesting because he ', s the only character who ', s given some dimension . in the film ', s best scene  he introduces steve to every single clique  nailing each one ', s fetishes and hang - ups  and it ', s the best scene in the movie because it ', s witty  satirical  and interesting - something the rest of this film isn ', t . gavin suspects there ', s something awry with the preppie kids  known as the blue ribbons  and in the tradition of all conspirators  and even when he actually shows hard pure evidence to steve  he ', s only treated as a typical raving conspiracy buff . here  we have another case of " the idiot plot  " where not only could steve had done something about gavin and what happens to him  but he may have saved this film from being the dreary  dull film that it is without gavin  who gives it life and humor . the only other half - interesting character is the school janitor  played by william sadler as a retarded  scary guy who may not be what he seems to be . . . but really  we don ', t care anyway . i probably shouldn ', t mention that this was directed by david nutter  who ', s works for " the x - files  " because that would probably tarnish his reputation . like the show  he ', s good at setting up weird conspiracies  and creating a general creepy feel . most of this film is shot at night and with dark eerie shadows for the maximum creepy effect  and some of it works . but what this film is not so good at is coming out with a good payoff . he keeps too much inside  so much that when the characters journey to a mental institution in the third act  you wonder why they just don ', t get the hell out of there . i think what happens to gavin is proof enough that there ', s something rotten in the state of teen angstdom . what this film needs to be is a lot longer  a lot more colorful  and a lot creepier . if the best villain they can come up with is a guidance counselor ( played by bruce greenwood  an atom egoyan regular obviously just trying to pay the rent ) who still thinks he can get away with it even when most is revealed  then they need to come up with a tougher  smarter villain . if he ', s so villainous  then why could two dense teenagers who couldn ', t figure out there was something going on until it was way too late find information on him in a couple minutes ? the film  which runs about 80 or so minutes  just needs to work on these things  and become a lot less sloppy . at such a short running time and with such lame  boring characters as these  it ', s pretty much obvious that leaving this film leaves a horribly unsatisfied taste in one ', s mouth  especially mine .
neg in the interest of being generous  i want to start this review with the scene that i liked in meet joe black . sir anthony hopkins  playing a super - rich media mogul  has gathered his family around him for dinner . his oldest daughter ( played by marcia gay harden from millers crossing )  who has been obsessively planning his sinfully extravagant birthday party  presents him with three superbly decorated little cakes  which are supposed to be scale models for his big birthday cake . the daughter asks hopkins to pick the one he likes . hopkins  frustrated by the weight of planning for the whole elaborate affair  does what any man in his position would do : he punts . whichever one you like  dear  he says . and the daughter does exactly what any woman in her position would do : she cries . i liked that scene for two reasons . first  the cakes looked really cool . second  it was  perhaps  the only scene in the movie where people acted as you would expect people to act . meet joe black is chock - full of odd performances  people doing things for no discernible reason at all  and doing them in slow motion over the course of three hours to boot . it ', s easy to watch meet joe black for the abundant eye candy of the palatial homes and the beauteous claire forlani  but it ', s even easier to sleep right through it ( two people on my row managed it quite nicely ) . the difficult part of the movie is understanding the characters and their motivations and why someone thought three hours was an appropriate length for this overwrought mess . i know my audience had problems with the movie  because they thought it was a comedy . case in point : everyone should know by now that brad pitt plays the angel of death in this movie . however  the first we see of him is as a young lawyer in a coffee shop hitting on the glamorous claire forlani . ( it ', s not clear from the movie whether you need a law degree to become the angel of death  but it makes a certain kind of sense . ) it shouldn ', t take long for the observant moviegoer to realize that bad things are about to happen to mr . pitt . and indeed they do ( after a hideously prolonged sequence where pitt looks over his shoulder at the retreating forlani and forlani looks over her shoulder at the retreating pitt )  because pitt walks into the road without looking and suddenly gets squished . well  when that happened  the audience howled with laughter  and continued to laugh at every comment that was remotely humorous . so  if you think that sudden violent death and sarcastic drawing - room humor are funny  i encourage you to go see meet joe black immediately . anyway  the deceased lawyer ', s body  no worse the wear from its massive injuries  is possessed by the angel of death and brad pitt takes over that role . the idea is that death ( given the pen name of joe black  so as not to disturb others ) wants to take a holiday and experience the world . if this weren ', t hollywood  we might get an interesting metaphysical discussion of life and death  but since it is  we get scene after scene of fish - out - of - water humor  just as if death is george of the jungle or crocodile dundee or some other poor schmuck who ', s wandered in from the jungle or the outback or whatever and doesn ', t know how to act in our society . it also doesn ', t help that the character of death is written so inconsistently . he claims to be on vacation  but he never does anything except hang around the seriously attractive claire forlani ( just try to get your travel agent to book that one ) . he speaks very slow and halting english but perfectly fluent jamaican patois . he knows everything about some characters  nothing about others . and as played by brad pitt  he ', s not especially menacing or charming or glamorous or intriguing  he ', s just there . it ', s as if someone told pitt  " never mind about acting in this picture  son  just stand there and look pretty . " it ', s as if pitt is doing his keanu reeves impression throughout the movie . i ', ve used the phrase " angel of death " in this review very deliberately to contrast pitt ', s performance with this year ', s best angel performance  nicolas cage ', s in city of angels . where pitt is cold and unfeeling  cage is as warm and empathetic as the situation allows . where cage is genuinely curious about the nature of man  pitt is aloof and arrogant . cage struck instant chemical sparks with co - star meg ryan  where the chemistry between pitt and forlani is only understandable if you accept the notion that forlani ', s character is so shallow that she can ', t see beyond pitt ', s good looks . the movie ', s other top name is a much better actor  but that doesn ', t save meet joe black . sir anthony hopkins isn ', t given much better material to work with  unfortunately . he plays one of these good - hearted multimillionaire media moguls that only exist in hollywood . ( one wonders what might have happened if they had made hopkins ', s character more realistically evil . ) hopkins is marked for death due to a bad ticker  but death steps in and grants him some extra time in exchange for being his guide in the world . of course  no one can be sure of how they will act when death taps on their shoulder . but i have to wonder ( and in this movie  you have a very long time to wonder ) how you or i would act in a similar situation  especially if you or i were a multimillionaire . hopkins pretty much goes to the office -- and the major subplot revolves around who will control the corporation . fans of corporate intrigue will be fascinated  i ', m sure . i stayed awake all the way through meet joe black  and i ', m asking myself why . movies about death should encourage you to live life to the fullest  which is what i ', m going to do now . go spend time with your family  go volunteer for a local charity  heck  go take a nap . don ', t go see meet joe black  because all it will do is move you three long hours closer to death . -- curtis edmonds " no children have ever meddled with the republican party and lived to tell about it . " -- sideshow bob
neg a cop with a troubled personal life . a ruthless villain . a friend of the cop . a _dead_ friend of the cop . a quest for vengeance . a new partner . a romantic interest . a chase scene . a chase scene _in san francisco_ . a woman in peril . a confrontation . an explosion . the end . yawn . yawn . yawn . the preceding has been the plot of approximately twelve thousand and six action films ; this one just happens to be called metro . i have learned to expect little from films like metro  and consequently i am bored by them more often than i am genuinely disappointed . with eddie murphy on board  however  you hope for something extra  some kind of spark . when a film makes watching eddie murphy a tedious experience  you know it is doing something terribly wrong . murphy stars as scott roper  a hostage negotiator for the san francisco police department who is exceedingly good at his job . with his personal life  he is considerably less successful  facing an unhappy ex - girlfriend named veronica ( carmen ejogo )  a gambling problem and a mountain of debt . then his professional life gets a jolt as well when a friend and colleague ( art evans ) is murdered while investigating suspected jewel thief michael korda ( michael wincott ) . finding korda becomes very personal to scott  and he joins with new partner kevin mccall ( michael rappaport ) to foil korda during an attempted heist . but all is not well even with korda in jail  as scott  veronica and kevin all continue to face life - threatening danger . metro ( the title  in case you are wondering  means absolutely nothing ) is so badly put together that even the most casual viewer may notice the miserable pacing and stray plot threads . in the first place  korda ', s rage over being discovered before he can make his big score is rendered completely pointless when he proceeds to hit the target anyway ( and  incidentally  to screw it up ) . a reference to payoffs in the police department  followed by a conspicuous decision to keep scott off the korda case and a couple of pointed glances  is dropped abruptly with no resolution after about forty - five minutes ; even the relationship between scott and new partner kevin is so perfunctory  with kevin disappearing entirely after taking a bullet for scott  that you may yearn for bickering buddies . worst of all is a plot structure which places the main villain ( the always menacing michael wincott ) behind bars for far too long  leaving a lot of time to kill with the tedious reconciliation of scott and veronica . you can ', t blame murphy for being unable to muster any enthusiasm for the scenes with his bland leading lady  but he should have known better than to take this role at all . scott roper exists in an uncomfortable middle ground between the kind of street - wise fast - talker murphy has built a career on and an actual three - dimensional character  and murphy is never able to reconcile the two . the script seems to have been doctored for him  with a gambling problem turned into a bit of character color and his supposed inability to form relationships turned into a cause for gags rather than actual conflict  yet there is still too little comedy for murphy to work with . for much of the film  he walks around with an intense frown  and it is over 90 minutes into metro before you hear that trademark laugh for the first time . murphy is stranded with too few solid punch lines  and nearly all of the ones he does have bounce of ejogo and fall to the ground limply . i suppose i should give director thomas carter credit for taking the obligatory san francisco car chase ( how much do you want to bet on the likelihood of seeing a car soar over a hill ? ) and doing a few interesting things with it . as vehicles are sent flying and passengers sent sprawling by a runaway cable car  it is possible at least for a moment to take some pleasure in a goofy spin on a familiar situation . carter does an even better job by taking that old suspense stand - by -- the medicine cabinet mirror which will close to reveal a killer standing behind someone -- and using it to defuse tension not once  but _twice_ . the fact that carter was able to demonstrate even that much recognition of cliches  and a willingness to subvert them  makes his involvement in the rest of the disaster that is metro all the more puzzling . an action film like this plods so relentlessly and obviously from point a to point b to point c that you might find yourself shouting out " point c ! " while they ', re still getting to point b  or getting up with the rest of the audience after the big explosion which signals that nothing else of any consequence is going to happen .
neg can a horror movie truly be called a horror movie if it has no scares  suspense  or even eerie elements ? i think not  but that ', s what children of the corn 666 : issac ', s return wants us to believe . the sixth installment in the horrible  worn out series is by far the worst to date . unlike the other five chapters  children of the corn 666 is a confusing  brainless thriller that takes the psychological horror route rather than slasher horror  but either way  none of these movies are the least bit scary . the film follows hannah ( natalie ramsey ) a teen looking for her mother in gatlin  nebraska  on the eve of her 21st birthday . what starts out as a daughter in desperate search of her long lost mother turns into the story of hannah being the first daughter of the children of the corn  who roam the cornfields looking for adults to murder . that ', s about all that ', s understandable in the film  as after we learn this much  issac ( john franklin ) who led the children of the corn in a previous chapter  now an older  strange man  is looking for hannah to fulfill his prophecy . and this is supposed to make sense . really . from the start the film is unclear of where its going  not developing any characters or throwing any concrete plot details across the table  constantly introducing new characters without personalities or the slightest hint of an individuality  and sub plots that have nothing to do with what seems to the main focus of the film . the film runs at a short 78 minutes  but it seems to be more in the vicinity of two hours  as the bleak  slow pacing makes children of the corn 666 : issac ', s return excruciatingly boring . plot holes are everywhere in tim sulka and john franklin ', s unbelievably horrible script  as nothing is accomplished or clear when the film reaches its conclusion . everyone and everything involved with children of the corn 666 : issac ', s return  namely writers john franklin and tim sulka  along with director kari skogland  should crawl under a rock  and hope no one sees their horrible work of trash . the bottom line : horrible  horrible  horrible . another attempt to revive this worn out genre falls flat . and what ', s with that title ? the devil has nothing to do whatsoever with this film . let ', s pray that this is the finale in one of the worst current film series . one of the worst horror films in years .
neg arnold schwarzenegger has been an icon for action enthusiasts  since the late 80 ', s  but lately his films have been very sloppy and the one - liners are getting worse . it ', s hard seeing arnold as mr . freeze in batman and robin  especially when he says tons of ice jokes  but hey he got 15 million  what ', s it matter to him ? once again arnold has signed to do another expensive blockbuster  that can ', t compare with the likes of the terminator series  true lies and even eraser . in this so called dark thriller  the devil ( gabriel byrne ) has come upon earth  to impregnate a woman ( robin tunney ) which happens every 1000 years  and basically destroy the world  but apparently god has chosen one man  and that one man is jericho cane ( arnold himself ) . with the help of a trusty sidekick ( kevin pollack )  they will stop at nothing to let the devil take over the world ! parts of this are actually so absurd  that they would fit right in with dogma . yes  the film is that weak  but it ', s better than the other blockbuster right now ( sleepy hollow )  but it makes the world is not enough look like a 4 star film . anyway  this definitely doesn ', t seem like an arnold movie . it just wasn ', t the type of film you can see him doing . sure he gave us a few chuckles with his well known one - liners  but he seemed confused as to where his character and the film was going . it ', s understandable  especially when the ending had to be changed according to some sources . aside form that  he still walked through it  much like he has in the past few films . i ', m sorry to say this arnold but maybe these are the end of your action days . speaking of action  where was it in this film ? there was hardly any explosions or fights . the devil made a few places explode  but arnold wasn ', t kicking some devil butt . the ending was changed to make it more spiritual  which undoubtedly ruined the film . i was at least hoping for a cool ending if nothing else occurred  but once again i was let down . i also don ', t know why the film took so long and cost so much . there was really no super affects at all  unless you consider an invisible devil  who was in it for 5 minutes tops  worth the overpriced budget . the budget should have gone into a better script  where at least audiences could be somewhat entertained instead of facing boredom . it ', s pitiful to see how scripts like these get bought and made into a movie . do they even read these things anymore ? it sure doesn ', t seem like it . thankfully gabriel ', s performance gave some light to this poor film . when he walks down the street searching for robin tunney  you can ', t help but feel that he looked like a devil . the guy is creepy looking anyway ! when it ', s all over  you ', re just glad it ', s the end of the movie . don ', t bother to see this  if you ', re expecting a solid action flick  because it ', s neither solid nor does it have action . it ', s just another movie that we are suckered in to seeing  due to a strategic marketing campaign . save your money and see the world is not enough for an entertaining experience .
neg i still can ', t figure out why people went in droves to see this movie . now before you go assuming i ', m some sort of high brow snob  who can ', t appreciate a little dumb humor  let me say that i love cheap humor . i thought there ', s something about mary was one of the funniest films that i have ever seen and it was certainly one of the best films of 1998 . low brow adolescent humor can be a lot of fun  the problem with the waterboy is that it is just low brow and adolescent  there is no humor component . i wanted to like the waterboy  i really did . i think i only laughed maybe 2 or 3 times throughout the entire movie . actually  i smiled a couple of more times on top of that . not a great record for a 90 - minute film . the problem with the waterboy is the same as most other adam sandler movies . those responsible for this mess seem to think that the sheer fact that sandler walks around using a goofy voice and playing dumb the entire movie is a substitute for actual funny material . nothing could be further from the truth  as matter of fact  sandler ', s idiot voice started to get on my nerves at points in this film . it ', s really a shame too  because this film had the potential to be very funny . i personally believe that sandler is probably a very talented comedian  it ', s just that so far he hasn ', t been able to find the right film to showcase his talents . if his only talent is making goofy voices and playing morons  my guess is that his career in the movies will go down the same road as the vast majority of the former stars of saturday night live . most of whom are now happily no longer in the entertainment industry . sandler plays a 31 - year - old  somewhat mentally challenged  waterboy for a college football team . the team ', s somewhat mentally disturbed coach ( henry winkler ) realizes that his waterboy has a great deal of pent - up rage  which  if harnessed properly  would make him a force to be reckoned with on the football field . you can figure out the rest from here . sandler joins the team and this once lowly waterboy becomes a football star . as i said  the film had a great deal of potential . the idea was a decent one  but the main potential of this movie is a result of the cast . all of whom are very good  just hamstrung by really  really  lousy material . even sandler  annoying goofy voice and all  has enough charisma and natural comedic ability to overcome some of his bad material . even as unfunny as his character is  i still found myself rooting for him throughout the film . but it is the supporting cast that i feel most badly about . if their material had been just a bit better  this film could have been such a funny movie . fairuza balk plays sandler ', s leather - wearing biker - chick love interest and does a great job playing sleazy and sexy at the same time . winkler is great as the coach who uses a " coaching for dummies " - style book to help him get through games . the real standout though  is kathy bates . even with some of the worst material of her career to deal with  she is still a treat to watch in her role as sandler ', s overprotective and overbearing mama . even with the performances of bates and winkler  there is absolutely no way i would recommend this movie . although i get the distinct impression that without them  this film would have ranked in negative numbers for me . which is sad  because i can ', t really put my finger on a particular element of the movie and single it out as the cause of the disaster that it became . it ', s obvious that those involved  specifically the actors  tried very hard to make what they thought was going to be a funny movie . it ', s just too bad that 99 percent of all of the jokes fell flat .
neg gordie boggs ( arquette  aptly cast as a moron  as he is one ) and his best friend sean dawkins ( scott caan . the son of james caan should not be reduced to garbage like this ! ) are two losers from wyoming with no jobs and no girlfriends  who look up to world championship wrestling champion jimmy king ( a terribly casted oliver platt )  as he is everything they are not . they finally get to see him live and he is screwed out of his title by the evil  ruthless promoter titus sinclair ( a wasted palitaliano  in a role originally meant for real - life wcw president eric bischoff  whose name was written all over the role ! ) . gordie and sean track down king in atlanta and discover that he is not really the english king the wcw writers created for him  but a drunken  ignorant southerner who is as irritated by these two lunkheads as bob newhart was by larry  darryl  and darryl . they sneak him back onto wcw tv  after which sinclair agrees to book him in a steel cage match in las vegas at wcw ', s next pay - per - view  against his rival  diamond dallas page . if he wins  king gets his title and his career back  plus one million dollars . wcw president eric bischoff  knowing his promotion was desperate with bad writing and ratings skyrocketing down thanks to the far superior world wrestling federation  came up with the idea for this movie hoping it would save wcw . he was then fired and rehired two months ago  but by the time he ', d left  they had already been contracted to do the film  and bischoff could not play sinclair ( which  in itself  is for the best  as anybody who has seen him on wcw programming knows that bischoff is no actor ! ) . the characters of gordie and sean show you exactly what eric bischoff thinks of his fans . he thinks of them as young  dumb pathetic idiots who will believe anything that will be put out in front of them is real . that is why he doesn ', t take the fans into consideration when he books a nitro or a pay - per - view . i have news for you  eric : no wrestling fan in this day and age is dumb enough to believe that professional wrestling isn ', t for show  unless they are four years old . this is 2000  you know  not 1985 . bischoff will try to cover up criticism like that by saying it is a comedy  but i have no doubt in my mind that if this had been a dramatic  rocky - style film ( which it probably should have been . professional wrestling is ridiculed enough as it is  why should the first wrestling movie in ten years be a comedy ? )  gordie and sean would have been portrayed in the same light . anybody who has seen the documentary wrestling with shadows  documenting wwf owner vince mcmahon ', s double - crossing of bret hart  will probably realize via the reviews and previews of ready to rumble  that it is basically a rip - off of that film ', s storyline with the poor man ', s wayne and garth thrown in for comedic affect . you can tell titus sinclair is supposed to poke fun at vince  but any self - respecting wrestling fan knows that sinclair is more inspired by bischoff than vince  and that vince did what he had to do to bret hart . all of these aspects of the film  needless to say  seriously offended me as a wrestling fan . another thing i found disturbing about the film was the romance between gordie and nitro girl sasha ( the lovely rose mcgowan ) . wouldn ', t it have been easier to bring something new into the relationship rather than revealing she was only working on gordie at sinclair ', s insistance ? i hate that cliche ! the world wrestling federation would have made a better film . they are the promotion everyone cares about  they are winning the ratings  they have better wrestlers  and they take their fans into consideration and don ', t treat fans like morons . so  vince  how about a movie ?
neg when i arrived in paris in june  1992  i was surprised to find france plastered with posters twin peaks : fire walk with me  since the movie wasn ', t scheduled to open in the u . s . until late august . happily  the film -- the prequel to david lynch ', s cult television series -- was playing in a fancy  thx theater . unfortunately  the theater was far more impressive than the movie  which absolutely stinks  much like a french lavatory . worse  actually . fire walk with me ( directed by lynch ) will be completely incomprehensible to anyone who has not seen the tv series or read " laura palmer ', s secret diary . " for " twin peaks " junkies  like me  the movie is only marginally improved . the plot is jumbled and illogical  not to mention excruciatingly sluggish . the first 30 minutes  which have almost nothing to do with the main story line  feature chris isaak and kiefer sutherland as fbi agents investigating a murder in portland  oregon . the movie then stops in philadelphia for a nonsensical cameo by david bowie and a brief appearance by kyle maclachlan as dale cooper . lynch then drops this plot strand altogether and abruptly shifts the setting to twin peaks  washington -- one year later . ah  twin peaks : " familiar territory  " you think to yourself as angelo badalamenti ', s distinctive musical score chimes in . wrong ! the movie proves that you really can ', t go home again  or at least lynch can ', t . only about a quarter of the characters from the tv series appear in the movie : leland palmer  bobby briggs  james  shelly  leo  the log lady and a few others -- mostly in meaningless cameos . the rest of the " twin peaks " cast is nowhere to be seen  and consequently  lynch fails to recreate the spirit and flavor of tv ', s most enigmatic town . cast members michael ontkean  sherilyn fenn  piper laurie  and richard beymer are sorely missed  not to mention lara flynn boyle  who has been replaced by lackluster moira kelly in the crucial role of donna . the movie concentrates solely on laura palmer ( sheryl lee ) as she suffers through drug abuse  prostitution  and incest  during her miserable last seven days on earth . the night of laura ', s death  which is truly terrifying  is the film ', s only remotely effective sequence . we finally get to see exactly what happened to laura after she jumped off james ', motorcycle and ran into the woods at that lonely traffic light in the middle of nowhere . her murder unfolds just as agent cooper reconstructed it in the tv series  which is gratifying for faithful " twin peaks " viewers . but it ', s an awfully small reward for sitting through a painfully awful movie .
neg capsule : this super - light situation comedy from sweden tells the story of two close friends with romantic problems . the script involves formerly taboo subjects like erotic toys and sexual enhancers but otherwise the writing is not a lot different from what is shown free on television . the characters are paper - thin and the interesting ideas purely non - existent . this is a decrement - life - by - 90 - minutes card .  0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) jalla ! jalla ! is basically an exuberant tv situation comedy written instead for the wide screen . it tells the story of two park custodians and the problems they are finding on the path to true love . the film is set in sweden where roro and mans ( fares fares and torkel petersson ) are custodians at a public park . roro is from a tightly knit lebanese family who control him very closely  mans is a swede from a much more liberal background . they spend most of the day in the bushes at their park  cleaning up after dogs . roro and mans each have girlfriends  but each has a problem . roro ( nicknamed " jalla " ) is having family problems . it seems that his family wants to arrange a marriage between him and a nice lebanese woman  yasmin ( laleh pourkarim )  but he is already in love with lisa ( tuva novotny ) . yasmin likes roro  but does not want to get married either . mans on the other hand has been having a problem of sexual impotence . the two friends worry about their problems and discuss the problems with each other . mans thinks the answer to his problem is to purchase sexual enhancers . the one catch is that he is too shy to go in and buy them . roro and yasmin decide to give themselves some time by telling the families that they want to marry each other  but then plan to break up before the wedding . not too surprisingly neither finds that his idea works out the way he quite expected . the plot turns in several places are contrived . one knows fairly quickly that if things are going to work our happily for everybody certain plot contrivances have to happen . lebanese - born josef fares who wrote and directed is perhaps a better director than he is a writer . when things start to get slow  he just adds throws in another story . for example halfway into the film mans innocently antagonizes some local toughs and a long chase is added to the film . characterization is a little better with roro than it is with mans who does not seem to have a whole lot more personality beyond fear for losing a biological function . we do see some of roro ', s family life and his concerns . that may be because roro ', s background is a lot like that of the director . while the story was entertaining  i did not feel that i got anything worthwhile from the film . it was just a way to pass about an hour and a half in my life . one does not have to go to the movies to see entertainment like this . i rate it a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg remember tom cruise and brian brown as rival bartenders juggling bottles of booze in " cocktail " ? remember how stupid that looked ? and remember the scantily - clad dancers of " flashdance " getting doused with buckets of water ? well  " coyote ugly " does those films five better ( or six better if you count john goodman )  since here we have piper perado  maria bello  tyra banks  melanie lynskey  and izabella miko doing the absolut spinning and jiggling thing while pouring pitchers of perrier all over their semi - naked torsos . no  goodman doesn ', t flip jim beams or wear anything particularly risqu ? in the film but he * does * get up on the bar and start gyrating with the rest of them . and the central character ', s love interest  played by an australian actor named adam garcia  proves * he * can get up on that bar and start shimmying along with the rest of them too . what seems to have started life as a victoria ', s secret photo shoot quickly deteriorates into one heck of an embarrassing movie . violet ( perado ) is a south amboy hopeful who tries to make it big as a songwriter ( not a welder ) in new jack city . as na ? ve as they come  she ', s fobbed off by music producer ', s receptionists by the scorn - ful and has her apartment robbed hours after touching down in chinatown . and  like her mother before her  she gets stage fright whenever she tries to do the open mike night thing . when she sees a trio of babe - a - licious barkeeps thumbing through a stack of $ 20s in an all - night diner  violet simply has to check out this bar they call coyote ugly . lil ( bello )  the no - nonsense owner  agrees to give violet an audition but violet blows it . still  lil gives violet another chance . a riot breaks out ( riots are the order of the day at ', ugly ', s  since the staff are relentless in flaunting their sexual wares  flambeeing the bar  and soaking the patrons with diet sprite -- this is certifiable behavior in case i didn ', t mention it ) but violet successfully subdues the crowd by singing along to blondie ', s " one way or another " on the jukebox . she ', s hired ! and cured  since this little episode gives her the confidence to sing in an amateur talent contest where her dad ( goodman )  the junk food - eating  laundry - impaired toll collector  comes to see her and is as proud as punch . the end .
neg confucius once said  " governing a nation is like cooking a small fish -- don ', t overdo it . " his maxim might be easily applied to writing a comedy script  for quantity over quality is one of the worst mistakes an amateur scribe can make . granted  mike judge  writer - director of the workplace satire office space isn ', t exactly an amateur ( his most infamous work  the mtv series " beavis and butt - head " was pure gold for its network ) . but unfailingly  judge manages to make some rather inexcusable mistakes in office space by spreading an iffy plot over too much ground . the iffiness in judge ', s plot -- a group of coworkers plan the downfall of their despicable boss -- is not in its appeal . in fact  based on the popularity of scott adams ', cartoon " dilbert  " which will soon have its own television series  a satirical view of the american workplace is a hot item in hollywood . unfortunately the concept lends itself to skit - length sequences which would be more at home on the set of " saturday night live " rather than a full - length feature . the most convincing evidence of this are the trailers for office space  which feature almost all of the movie ', s top content ; this leaves the actual picture appearing very deflated . other evidence of office space ', s failure to work are its lack of good jokes . the comedy is marginally funny at best  but not enough to get a packed house of theater - goers to laugh out loud . the material in the movie is on - key for an older demographic than judge is used to targeting  and this could partially explain his work here . however  the movie is loaded with too many misfires -- including the token plot -- to allow for any excuse . the plot centers around three or four cubicled engineers  headed up by peter gibbons ( ron livingston )  at a company named initech . after the movie elaborately establishes the miserable working conditions at initech  the movie introduces us to two consultants ( john c . mcginley and paul willson ) which are in charge of " downsizing " the company ', s payroll . when peter and his gang learns of this  as well as the reason behind it -- so their smooth talking boss bill lumbergh ( gary cole ) ', s stock will go up -- they set about creating a plan to see his downfall . the circumstances that follow were obviously intended to be hilarious but they come out as anything but . a sympathetic cast and a muddled jennifer aniston - as - love - interest subplot are all that keep this one together  but it ', s definitely missable in lieu of something more intelligent .
neg it seemed like the perfect concept . what better for the farrelly brothers  famous for writing and directing comedies with offensive subject matter  than to make a movie about a guy with a split personality ? it ', s exactly the sort of thing the brothers relish : poking fun at something serious ( in this case mental illness )  throwing all care to the wind to get a laugh . jim carrey ', s signed on too ? even better . the national alliance for the mentally ill even helped out by levying complaints against the brothers ', new film before its opening  claiming it was misrepresenting the condition of split personality  labeling it incorrectly as " schizophrenia  " and so forth . such a protest seemed like just the sort of thing that would  of course  only add more fuel to the farrelly brothers ', fire  proving that some people just couldn ', t take a joke  and that the farrellys would be helping the more enlightened viewers to yet another dose of their brilliantly subversive comedy . yes  it all seemed perfect  but one thing went wrong : their movie isn ', t funny . it ', s not for lack of trying . the farrellys utilize in " me  myself & irene " their most high - concept premise ever : carrey plays charlie baileygaites  a man who after being dumped by his wife for a midget limo driver  decides to bury all his aggressive feelings deep down inside and never release them . this  of course  means all his neighbors exploit his entirely too - forgiving nature  making his job as a rhode island state trooper increasingly difficult . soon enough  charlie ', s repressed aggression manifests itself into a second  independent personality named hank  a deep - voiced  boorish ogre unafraid of taking the assertive actions his predecessor had been unable to muster . this guy isn ', t above crashing a car through the wall of the barber shop in which he ', s been insulted  or holding a little girl ', s head underwater because she refused to stop jump - roping in the street . then things start getting lost in the most complicated plot the farrellys have ever attempted  and the film runs off its tracks . some have suggested that this isn ', t a problem  because the farrelly brothers ', brand of humor doesn ', t require plot to work . they ', re wrong  of course : plot was greatly instrumental in building up the kind of rollicking comic energy that infused the farrellys ', last effort  1996 ', s " there ', s something about mary . " ( 1999 ', s " outside providence " was technically an earlier project . ) the brothers ', earlier film wasn ', t funny merely because it contained outrageous gags ( despite what some newsmagazine articles would have you believe )  but rather because its most outrageous gags were entirely unexpected . in " mary  " the farrellys managed several times to pull off a neat sleight - of - hand trick : they ', d have you thinking the story was going one way  then reveal its real direction in delightfully surprising fashion . " me  myself & irene  " by contrast  seems to have been made by folks who looked at " mary " and saw only the surface grossness  missing all of the subtle machinations that really made it work . having been produced by the same guys who made " mary  " " irene " seems like an even bigger disappointment . the brothers pile on the offensive humor  taking shots at race  midgets  albinos  mental illness  and all manner of bathroom jokes . but they haven ', t come up with a way to make any of it fresh ; most of " me  myself & irene " comes off as rote  by - the - numbers  adolescent comedy . the plot  with carrey forced to drive alleged fugitive irene p . waters ( renee zellweger )  who ', s in more trouble than anyone knows  back to new york  has an ending that ', s entirely predictable from the get - go . ( think charlie and irene will fall in love ? yeah  me too . ) the farrellys then introduce scores of different characters  and none of them ever manage to do anything you haven ', t already expected them to do  no matter how outrageous their actions might be . compared to the curveballs the farrellys are used to throwing  this stuff is almost entirely soft - tossed  presenting an obvious problem : when gross - out humor loses its shock value  it ', s no longer funny  merely gross . the jokes that do work are milked over and over until their effectiveness runs dry . take  for example  the subplot involving charlie ', s three black sons ( anthony anderson  mongo brownlee  jerod mixon ) . the incongruity of it all is funny for a while  with three burly black men discussing higher math in ghetto language and white - bread carrey mouthing said language with an entirely too - pleasant smile on his face . but by the end of the film  they ', re still doing the same schitck ; it hasn ', t been elevated to another  funnier level  and it hasn ', t been dropped either . that ', s too bad  because it ceases to be amusing about halfway through . " me  myself & irene " reeks of wasted opportunities . there ought to be more focus on how other people react to charlie ', s new personality  and on how charlie deals with the consequences of hank ', s actions . this doesn ', t really happen ; nearly every supporting character learns about charlie ', s condition early on  so they don ', t have any opportunity to be surprised by it . the film throws what looks like a patented farrelly curve in a scene towards the midway point ( involving an albino companion charlie and irene pick up called  appropriately  " whitey " )  but the script doesn ', t go anywhere with it  instead leaving the thread twisting in the wind before awkwardly tying it up during the climax . jim carrey is a gifted comedian  both physically and vocally  but he ', s left with nothing much to do here except contort himself in a manner similar to steve martin in " all of me . " it ', s a great showcase of flexibility and split - second role - shifting  but none of it is terribly funny . carrey doesn ', t pull any stunts we don ', t expect him to pull  and the farrellys ', script doesn ', t give him anything else to pull : the situations in which he must perform the role - shifting aren ', t set up in any meaningful way . perhaps carrey can take solace in the fact that his supporting actors fare no better . zellweger ', s irene is not a strong female lead ; mary in " mary " may have been part adolescent fantasy  but she was also intelligent and strong - willed . irene is nothing in particular  as the film never makes clear whether she ', s ditzy  clever  or neither . as such  she gives us nothing to latch onto as the only " sane " person in the film . chris cooper is stuck playing exactly one note as a corrupt fbi agent  and his character is entirely too straight - laced for a movie like this . he  like the others  does absolutely nothing unexpected . after viewing the shapeless mess that " me  myself & irene " eventually dissolved into  i was stuck wondering whether or not the farrellys had outsmarted themselves . maybe their kind of comedy can only work for so long until audiences get wise to it and stop being shocked . but i don ', t believe it -- good filmmakers find ways of surprising their audiences even after people have grown attuned to their style . if the farrellys are indeed good  smart filmmakers ( and i still think they are )  they ', ll rebound just fine . even after that happens  though  i ', ll still consider " me  myself & irene " to be a high - caliber misfire .
neg there ', s a scene somewhere in this film where one of the characters reads the book " screenwriting made easy . " this is funny the first time just ', cause it is  but funnier as the film goes on since it ', s totally ironic since the screenwriters of this inane film probably read it  outlined it and then wrote this film . it ', s like they took the sub - genre of the disaster pic  which can be fun and hokey at the same time  and then forgot one of the greatest parts of them : the stupid  eccentric characters . yes  " the poseidon adventure " is crap  but it ', s fun ', cause of all the stupid  eccentric characters . and " earthquake  " my god ! " earthquake " has got to be one of the worst movies of all time  but at least they had the joke of having charlton heston sleeping with genevieve bujold . " volcano " takes a semi - intriguing yet stupendously inane plot ( a volcano no one knew about suddenly errupts one fine morning and then erupts again later then stops . . . only it ', s in  dare i say it ? l . a ! ! ! ) and then puts no stupid  stereotypical  eccentric characters in it . they ', re just stupid . and the actors are all good ones . tommy lee jones is great  an oscar winner  and a member of the men in black ( my vote for what should be the coolest movie of the summer ) . anne heche is a good indy actress . don cheadle stole the disappointing " devil in a blue dress " from denzel ', s feet . and gaby ', s one of the few good teenage actors . but they get nothing to do but act dumb and scream at what ', s going on . they do their best  god bless them  but they ', re all lost in the fake magma ( only don cheadle gets an interesting part and he ', s the greatest part of the film ) . there ', s no real suspense here ', cause you don ', t care about anyone . i actually was rooting for gaby ', s character to get killed so tommy lee jones wouldn ', t have to keep saving her ( he did it like thirty times ! ) . and there are no interesting sites in l . a . that we see get destroyed . part of the fun of disaster films is watching sites get toppled or destroyed or whatever . in " independence day  " the best part ( other than judd hirsch ) was watching the white house and empire state building get blown up by the aliens . that was cool . watching really fake - looking magma plow down the street is not . okay  so the film ', s not devoid of merit . as i already stated  don cheadle was great and the cast does their best . and there ', s this really moronic scene which looks cool . john carrol lynch ( norm from " fargo " ) goes on a subway car to save people but the lava comes and surrounds it . he has one guy who ', s wounded and could make it . he could throw the guy and jump and still survive . but no ! ! ! he has to go and inanely jump and land right in the middle of the lava . here ', s the cool sight : he melts . here ', s the dumb part of it : he somehow manages to throw the man to safety as his legs are melting . cool sight . no logic . but cool sight . the volcano erupts twice and for some reason  the film ends there . they aren ', t worried about it eruting again  they just go home to their toppled homes . but to tell the truth  i was glad they didn ', t go on . i was hoping the film was over after the first eruption ended . my god  it was actually painful to sit through this little 102 minute long film . i haven ', t seen " dante ', s peak " but i ', ve heard it ', s a masterpiece compared to this . if you want to see a cool disaster flick that ', s inane but interesting  rent " the towering inferno " with steve mcqueen  paul newman  and the schweppervescent o . j . simpson ( he saves a cat ) . if you want to waste your time watching a boring  stupid disaster flick ( literally  it almost grossed half of its budget )  see this . but i warned you .
neg the yet - to - be - released krippendorf ', s tribe is being marketed as a family comedy  but buyer beware . this movie can ', t make up its mind . is it a family comedy with vulgar references to both the male and female bodies  menstruation  circumcision  and sex that would make any parents squirm at the thought of having their child next to them ? or is it an adult comedy approached with such immaturity that only adolescents will appreciate the effort ? either way  " unbalanced " is the word to stamp on this hit and miss and miss and miss effort . the premise is catchy - widowed anthropology professor james krippendorf ( richard dreyfuss ) has spent the past two years " getting over " the death of his wife  neglecting key research and squandering grant money on personal living expenses . now it ', s time to show what he ', s achieved in those two years  and he has absolutely nothing to show for it . with a fabricated tale of studying a previously undiscovered tribe in new guinea  krippendorf petitions for new funds while hiding the fact that the previous $ 100  000 grant was spent on trips to mcdonald ', s . but when his " discovery " becomes the latest craze among colleagues  the professor finds he must do more than talk about the tribe - he must create it . with the aid of his three children  the headstrong teen shelly ( natasha lyonne of everyone says i love you )  the slightly younger mickey ( gregory smith )  and the nine - year - old edmund ( carl michael lindner )  the " shelmikedmu " tribe ( named from the first half of each child ', s name ) is born  and videos quickly produced in krippendorf ', s backyard are passed off as stunning documentary footage of the newly found new guinea tribe . despite the professor ', s wishes  the buzz surrounding his discovery only grows  due in greatest part to veronica micelli ( jenna elfman )  an overly vivacious ( and voluptuous ) anthropologist who barges her way into the discovery and basically deems herself krippendorf ', s main assistant . hungry for recognition  micelli sets up interviews  lectures  etc . in an effort to make this the biggest sociological event in history  a sure fire way to go down in the history books . krippendorf  on the other hand  is seeing himself go down a jail cell corridor  not in history books  and with each new lecture  he must come up with something impressive to unleash about the tribe - mating habits  domestic structure  etc . thru fumbling improvisation  and often some quick thinking from his oldest son  krippendorf makes it thru each new lecture  but only creates more and more interest in the highly unique tribe . on the opposing end is krippendorf ', s arch rival  ruth allen ( lily tomlin )  an arrogant professor whose jealousy drives her on a mission to disprove the existance of the non - existent tribe . it ', s a cute idea  and approached with a more subtle ( and mature ) style  krippendorf ', s tribe could ', ve been a real winner . sadly  the mostly - misfired toilet humor  overly comical musical score ( by bruce broughton )  and sugar coated sentiments ( all the key ingredients of a " family comedy " ) just aren ', t the right tone for this film . cut that crap out  add some razor sharp dialogue and witty sociological perceptions and you ', ve got a good start . at the state it ', s in now  you ', ve got something along the lines of medicine man meets mrs . doubtfire meets dumb & dumber  and that ', s not a concoction anyone should be overly anxious to try . the overall product here is a highly forgettable cup of " average "  with a few laugh - out - loud moments and a great big gap in between them . most of the characters are surprisingly two - dimensional  and the only one who seems to exhibit any real acting effort ( lyonne ) seems to go greatly unappreciated . director todd holland has gone about making this film in all the wrong ways . it ', s stuck in limbo between disney family fare ( jungle 2 jungle ) and potentially hilarious adult comedy ( a fish called wanda ) . it ', s this unbalanced structure that really knocks it down a grade  and it ', s a brutal drop . a strong warning to parents : forget the impression given by advertisements  do you want to take your kids to a film that has a woman asking a man if he finds her attractive merely because she ', s holding his penis ? yes  it ', s put that bluntly ! just be warned - this is merely one example of the many shocking subjects to be brought up in the film  and others might not be as tame .
neg it ', s been hours since i returned from the much anticipated sci - fi opus ` mission to mars ',  and i can still detect the reek of moldy cheddar . why ? the movie is a shoddy cheesefest full of digital eye candy  stapled carelessly onto a flimsy screenplay which somehow manages to leapfrog the great promise of a space opera  instead shooting for the angle of a feel - good science fiction drama more akin to ` 2001 : a space odyssey ', . i got the feeling that most of my fellow movie - going patrons were expecting another ` armageddon ', . but no  ` mission to mars ', certainly isn ', t one large action sequence about colossal disaster . this is a supposedly thoughtful  family - friendly space flick in which the apocalyptic excitement takes a back seat to visual elegance and uplifting drivel . you have been warned . of course  crafting a tightly claustrophobic space drama is not impossible ( see ` apollo 13 ', for an excellent example )  but few directors possess the skill and craftsmanship to pull it off without seriously scarring their reputation . brian de palma has enough directorial expertise and visual wizardry up his sleeve to pull it off . when he gets his hands on an intelligent  systematically practical script like ` the untouchables ', or ` mission : impossible ',  the director has the ability to create a sound technical achievement ( although his overly indulgent style becomes bothersome more than occasionally ) . of course  there ', s also the inexcusable string of crap that has carried his name ( including ` snake eyes ', and the notorious bomb ` the bonfire of the vanities ', ) . . . . all of which makes me want to call de palma the most talented hack in hollywood . that term may be too harsh  but if i were judging him solely on the perpetual waste of talent that is ` mission to mars ',  my choice of words would have been slightly less lenient . if i were gary sinise  i wouldn ', t touch de palma with a 10 - foot pole . sinise is a wonderful  wonderful actor  but after appearing in ` snake eyes ', and this vomit - inducing sham  i ', m sure he wouldn ', t want to risk the embarrassment of a third collaboration . the academy award - winner plays nasa astronaut jim mcconnell  a man who recently lost his wife ( kim delaney ) and is apparently psychologically unfit for an upcoming space shuttle mission to mars ( oops  forgot to mention the year - 2020 ) . after a barbecue get - together for the astronauts  we cut to luc goddard ( don cheadle ) and his team  who are already taking measurements and calculations on the red planet . suddenly  a towering formation of rocks and soil - probably best dubbed a ` sand tornado ', - appears and creates a whirlwind of suction . for some reason  the astronauts just stand there calmly to admire this  as if it were a lovely piece of art . the team is killed within seconds  expect for luc  who was able to send one final transmission and may still be alive . immediately  a second mission - consisting of astronauts mcconnell  husband and wife woody and terri blake ( tim robbins and connie nielsen ) and phil ohlmyer ( jerry o ', connell ) - are dispatched to rescue luc and discover the mysterious secret of planet mars . let ', s put the ` secret ', on hold for now  and discuss the trip there . it is explained  whether scientifically accurate or not ( probably not )  that a trip to mars takes roughly six months . i ', m not sure why the quartet of screenwriters behind ` m2m ', didn ', t capitalize on this juicy opportunity of creating tension and claustrophobia . instead  we join the team during their final days aboard the ship . what happened during the five months prior to this ? did they just play cards and tell dirty jokes ? still  there are few nicely tense moments ( maybe the only in the movie ) during the time - frame involving a fuel leak . depalma ', s direction is quite good in these scenes  although the score by ennio morricone is largely inconsistent ( organ music in space ? c ', mon ) . there ', s a few good  imaginative ideas in the landslide of cheese  a sad realization that causes me to sigh out loud . it ', s a colossal bummer that ` mission to mars ', is poorly assembled and laughably written  with a dubious and supremely silly finale that will only satisfy dedicated optimists . as mentioned before  anyone looking for some disaster - movie carnage is going to feel savagely disappointed . . . maybe even cheated . after the unbelievably hokey final shot ( with the words ? the end ', somehow adding insult to injury )  a few audience members made the effort to boo and hiss at the screen . others muttered obscenities  shaking their heads in disbelief while mumbling ` jeez  that sucked . ', okay  it did suck . but you have to show the actors some sympathetic mercy . . . after all  they do pretty well . sinise is sincere and effective in many of his scenes  robbins and nielsen wholeheartedly convince as a loving nasa couple  and funnyman o ', connell - well  he has a couple lines are actually amusing ( and intentionally so ) . the digital effects accompanying the sand tornado sequence are quite impressive . so  by golly  where did this ` mission ', go wrong ? looking back on the appalling experience  i would say in practically every conduit and crevasse it could have . while watching ` mission to mars ',  my suggestion would be to immediately abort  or better yet  don ', t even strap yourself in for lift - off .
neg despite its exceedingly well - done visual effects  1995 ', s original species was one big hunk of sci - fi cheese  from the writing to the feeble performances . so  coming from such b - grade roots  its sequel ', s stunning ineptitude is not terribly surprising  yet at the same time it is . it would not have been difficult at all for the people behind species ii to top the hokey original  yet they have somehow managed to fabricate something just as bad  if not even worse . something is clearly amiss when the back door left open for a sequel in species -- a sewer rat becomes not quite of this earth after eating a body part from the exploded alien / human hybrid sil -- is never entered into ( perhaps that was left for species iii -- though i ', m not giving away anything when i say that this installment has an open back door of its own ) . the alien fun and games begin this time when a three - person astronaut crew returning from mars inadvertently carries within their soil samples deadly alien dna that eventually infects the mission captain  patrick ross ( justin lazard  late of cbs ', s short - lived soap of a few years back  central park west / cpw ) . this alien dna is not identical to that which created the original film ', s sil  but it ', s close enough  and upon arrival on earth patrick is mating like crazy  engaging in bloody sex with just about every woman he can find . meanwhile  scientist dr . laura baker ( the returning marg helgenberger ) has created a clone of sil named eve ( natasha henstridge again ) for research purposes . it doesn ', t take long for eve to sense another alien presence  which send her libido into hyperdrive . it ', s up to laura and her former partner  bounty hunter press lennox ( michael madsen  another returnee ) ; and patrick ', s uninfected shipmate dennis gamble ( mykelti williamson ) to find patrick before the in - heat eve does . " this isn ', t the x - files  goddammit ! " exclaims one character in the early going . in terms of quality  he ', s absolutely right  but he ', s also wrong . the new alien first appears as an otherworldly oozing sludge that causes patrick ', s pupils to dilate once he ', s infected . looks and sounds an awful lot like the x - files ', s " black cancer " to me . but that ', s not the only source director peter medak and writer chris brancato steal from . species was already a ripoff of alien  but medak makes the cribbing much more blatant than the original ', s director  roger donaldson  did . human patrick is given a tongue that also has a tongue within itself  and his alien form more closely resembles the alien than eve ', s alien body ( which ironically was designed by alien designer h . r . giger ) . a large alien hive that our heros douse with a substance fired from large guns ? aliens sans flamethrowers . the visual effects were by far the best thing about species  and the sequel ', s effects crew at steve johnson ', s xfx inc . keeps that high - quality tradition alive ; no cheap - looking lost in space cgi here . after the effects  the original ', s best asset was the fresh presence of henstridge . however  medak and brancato have no idea what exactly to do with her for this installment . at one point she ', s called on to play alien " empath " ? la forest whitaker in the original  but for most of the duration she ', s holed up in a glass cell . by the time the big breakout so prominently featured in the trailer actually takes place  the film is well into its home stretch . so the rest of the time we are treated to patrick  played with little zest by lazard . one problem with the first film was that the deadly  horny  but innocent - at - heart sil was too sympathetic ; no such problem with patrick  who comes off as a cocky pretty boy before the alien takes control . the rest of the cast also fails to add much  but the writing can be faulted for that . helgenberger and madsen go through the motions  but they are already hampered by the clich ? d development that somewhere between the two films  the once - linked laura and press stopped getting along . williamson suffers the worst indignity . he tries his best to enliven the token african - american role  but how can anyone recite insulting  derivative lines such as " i ', m gonna get african on someone ', s ass " and not appear ridiculous ? but species ii ', s worst crime is being a thoroughly uninteresting piece of work . at least the original featured plenty to laugh at -- unaccountably awful performances by the otherwise fine actors ben kingsley and whitaker  and the sight of helgenberger ', s character performing fellatio on madsen ', s  for a start . but the filmmakers do not display any discernable effort at all  let alone the misguided effort that is required for something to reach the camp level . for all the blood and gore  nudity  and sex thrown in  species ii is  quite simply  a vapid bore .
neg the marvelous british actor derek jacobi stars in writer and director john maybury ', s love is the devil about the popular modern artist francis bacon . as always  jacobi ', s acting is impeccable  but the movie tries hard and succeeds at being unentertaining and opaque . the movie convincingly argues that francis  played by jacobi  was a completely despicable and vain individual  but it never provides any insight into his work or any motivation for his attitude . when interviewed by a fawning talk show host  francis calls his style " chance brushstrokes . " starting with a burglary of francis ', s flat  the film uses loud sound effects that sound like they were lifted from a cheap horror movie . the camera shots are heavy on the avant - garde angles -- lots of wide - angle close - ups and distorted shots filmed through colored - glass reflections . the director is much more interested in filmmaking style than in the substance of the story with the result being a sterile examination of a lonely and vain man . daniel craig  in a lifeless performance  plays the burglar and boxer  george dyer . when francis lays eyes on him after the break - in  francis promises not to call the police if he ', ll stay for sex . he stays for the entire movie but never respects the man with whom he shares a bed . he thinks that francis ', s paintings have " no bloody use  " and the movie presents no counterargument . writer maybury barely outlines francis ', s character  and george and the rest of the supporting cast remain a complete enigma . we learn little of george other than francis ', s reason for liking him -- george ', s " amorality and innocence . " francis ', s love of sadomasochism is shown early and often . " boxing is such a marvelous aperitif for sex  " he reflects to george on the way to watch a boxing match . as the fighter ', s head is sliced open with a heavy blow  the camera cuts to a gleeful francis whose own head is soaked by the flying blood . francis appears to be in complete ecstasy . another of francis ', s favorite activities is viewing old movies of atrocities . as the carnage mounts  we witness an orgasmically happy francis in the audience . in a film that tries obsessively to shock  one dream sequence portrays a family in a car accident . francis ', s mind slowly examines every bloody limb of the mother  the father  and the boy . sometimes the script throws us tidbits of francis ', s wisdom which illuminate little while merely sounding insightful . ( " i ', m optimistic by nature . i ', m optimistic about nothing . " " loneliness is my only true companion . " ) we learn more details about francis ', s makeup techniques than about the man himself . he prefers shoe polish for his hair and sink cleaning powder for his teeth . full of metaphorical interpretations  the film ', s best scene occurs late one night when george has to get up to go to the bathroom . mistaking francis ', s picture of a toilet for the genuine article  he urinates on it and then crawls back into bed contentedly . like a parody of a bad art house movie  love is the devil has horrid characters filmed bizarrely and confusingly by a director who is much more interested in technique than storytelling . by the end  the audience hasn ', t learned any more than it could have in a three - minute sketch . love is the devil runs 1 : 30 . the film is not rated but should be considered nc - 17 for violence  profanity  graphic sex  nudity and sadomasochism and is unacceptable for most teenagers .
neg " payback  " brian helgeland ', s inauspicious directing debut ( coincidentally  he previously penned the award - winning screenplay for 1997 ', s " l . a . confidential " )  is a wildly uneven and thoroughly unpleasant revenge thriller that takes one idea --- a movie with non - stop violence  death  and villains --- and runs with it  or should i say  barely manages to crawl away with it . mel gibson  in yet another disappointing picture ( " conspiracy theory " and " lethal weapon 4  " anyone ? )  stars as the reprehensible villain / hero  porter  a man who becomes determined to get his 50 % share of $ 140  000  which he stole in a robbery  back when his partner - in - crime ( gregg henry ) and drug - addicted wife ( deborah kara unger ) double - cross him  shoot him  and leave him for dead . porter is not dead  however --- not by a long shot --- as he quickly rehabilitates and  along with his loyal prositute girlfriend  rosie ( maria bello )  sets out to make everyone involved in the scam pay . the tagline for " payback " is  " get ready to root for the bad guy  " and sure enough  this is true  as pretty much every significant character who appears is crooked in some way . i wouldn ', t have a problem with this offbeat detail if the painfully thin story had been of any interest  but it wasn ', t  and therefore  i found myself having an especially laborious time investing myself into a wide array of character that have absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever . no attempt is made to flesh the roles into three - dimensional characters  and there are no vacant signs that anyone has any sort of humanity in them . just because the protagonist  a " bad guy  " is played by mel gibson doesn ', t mean i will " root for him  " and i didn ', t . quite the contrary  every person in the movie deserved to die a gory death ( although some of them did  anyway  just to spice up the dull proceedings ) . since none of the respectable actors in " payback " actually have human beings to play  only one performance managed to stand out . lucy alexis liu ( of t . v . ', s " ally mcbeal " )  who plays a spicy s & m dominatrix  brightens up every scene she is in  and has a definite flair for comedy  something i would have liked to have seen more of  since most of the humor fell with a resounding splat . meanwhile  gibson  who is perfectly fine here  sleepwalks through a role that is not the least bit challenging . unger  who made an impression in 1997 ', s " the game  " is surprisingly wasted and it is difficult to see why she took such a part since she disappears ten minutes in  and only has two purproses : ( 1 ) to get high on heroin  and ( 2 ) because she plays a key part in an early flashback . finally  kris kristofferson appears in a throwaway role during the climax  and this unnecessary plot development sticks out like a sore thumb ( tellingly  he didn ', t appear in the original cut of the film  but was cast when extensive reshoots took place months later ) . like most action movies  the star often takes a licking but keeps on ticking . in the course of the 102 - minute running time of " payback  " porter is shot three times in the back  hit by a van  beaten up  and has his feet smashed with a sledgehammer . and guess what ? not only does he survive the whole ordeal  but he is happy - go - lucky in the penultimate sequence ( and can still walk ! )  even though he looks like he had recently substituted for a punching bag . " payback " is not  in any way  an entertaining film  even though i am sure the makers hoped it would be with all the graphic carnage that goes on  but take away that violence and what you are basically left with is a blank screen . perhaps director helgeland would have been smart to consider this  so he could have at least added a few worthwhile elements  like a fresh storyline and characters whom you could even remotely stand to be around for a few hours .
neg did i do something bad ? i must have  because sitting through this movie was sheer punishment . here ', s the plot . ricky ( jeff goldblum ) is producer of the good - buy network  one of those 24 - hour home shopping channels . the new boss ( robert loggia ) plans to can ricky ', s behind if he doesn ', t turn the previous months ', flat sales numbers around  and to add to his problems  ricky also has to work with kate ( kelly preston )  the ivy league wunderkind whom the boss has brought with him . kate and ricky don ', t get along and don ', t have any great ideas until they meet g ( eddie murphy )  a spiritualist who sees something positive in everything . his soothing voice and simple logic makes people feel good  and it ', s this quality that will make g the new gbn television star and the key to the network ', s success . the first problem is a flaw in the plot . sure  g makes people feel good . sure  we ', re told that most people feel guilty after buying an impulse item  no matter how wealthy they might be  and i ', ll even believe that g talks a talk that allows people to feel good about what they ', ve bought . but  hey  that ', s after they ', ve bought it . why do sales skyrocket the first time g is on camera ? far from trying to sell the product  g instead blathers on about how you don ', t even need the thing . someone please tell me how this is supposed to move merchandise in the first place . you might say that people feel good about what they ', ve bought  so they come back and by more  but due to the simple fact that the first round of sales in inexplicable  i ', m not convinced this is what the filmmakers had in mind . the whole movie is therefore seriously undermined because the key point in the plot is never credible . another problem is in the humor . you know  if you see that eddie murphy is in a movie  i think it is not unreasonable for you to expect that the film is a comedy . whoa  partner  are you in for a surprise . holy man is not funny . murphy  the one asset you ', d think this movie has ( remember how they brought him in at the last minute to save best defense ? - then again  maybe you don ', t ) is seriously reigned in . the script gives him almost nothing to work with  and it seems as though director stephen herek kept him toned down so that the other actors in the film wouldn ', t be left as window dressing . there ', s only one moment in the film where murphy is allowed to let loose  and it lasts for three shouted words  which seem totally out of place as a result . pathetic . in all  there are about three jokes that work in the entire picture  and they ', re not even that great . as a side note  there are some cameo appearances such as dan marino pitching a contraption which allows you to cook off of your car engine  and james brown introducing a medic - alert device that shouts " help me ! " just like the hardest working man in show business at the push of a button  but these never cause your personal laugh - o - meter to rise above the level of mild bemusement . " well  " you ask  " surely there must be some convincing performances to make up for the lack of humor . " think again  buckwheat . jeff goldblum disappoints . kelly preston is flat ( but not like that ) . robert loggia  in the kind of role for which he has been virtually typecast  can ', t do anything with it . the script is part of the problem  but these actors don ', t even look like they believe in the move they ', re making . they look a lot like they ', re bored . just like the audience . so what do you have when the humor is absent from your comedy  and the acting is like the siberian steppes ? a film that drags more than a dropped anchor . but wait ! as if these problems don ', t make the film slow enough  the screenplay ', s pacing makes the movie even slower ! it takes the entire first half hour to establish the movie ', s premise  then more time as the film wades through a tortuous ( and seemingly mandatory ) romance between ricky and kate  and a sub - plot involving a conniving pr man ( eric mccormack ) who wants to discredit g and take over ricky ', s job as producer . when the pr guy ', s plan is foiled  the film is climaxes  we ', re treated to that little epilogue  and then we can all go home  right ? wrong . the movie goes on for another half hour ! continental drift is the indy 500 compared to the pace of holy man ! the only thing holy about holy man will surely be the number of people exclaiming " holy ! @#% that movie was awful ! " this one is for the truly pious .
neg plot : something about a bunch of kids going into a haunted house and playing out parodies of other horror and non - horror movies . oh yeah  there ', s also something about a ghost possessing the mansion and shit  but trust me  you won ', t care much about the " plot " in this film . . . critique : parody movies either work or they don ', t and this one just doesn ', t work ! the laughs aren ', t as pronounced this time around  the energy level  the gags and all of the characters just seem to be going through the motions here . it ', s like they were all in a hurry to finish the film or something ( wink  wink ) . and the scariest part of it all ? check out the number of screenwriters it took to pen this puppy : seven ! i say again  it took seven people to write 82 - minutes worth of fart jokes  half - assed stunts and spoofs of films other than horror . now i ', m not exactly sure if each of the writers wrote their own parts separately or just tossed " funny sketch " ideas out there while smoking the chronic themselves  but the end result is a film that basically plays out like an extended skit on " saturday night live " . there are a couple of funny one - liners  but mostly just rehashed one - joke scenes  a lot of dead silence and lame gags . add to that the very unoriginal title and movie poster and you gotta start asking yourself if anybody was even trying here ( the film ', s website isn ', t even up yet ! ! ! what the f * * * ? ! ? ) . i do however have to give it up to james woods  the man who opens up this movie with the funniest parody of them all ( the exorcist take - off -- miss this and you ', ve missed any reason to see the flick ) . i especially liked his one - liner as he walked in to see the possessed woman ', s head turning . very funny ! unfortunately  the film plummets straight down after that  with dumb parodies of many teen flicks that have nothing to do with horror such as save the last dance and dude  where ', s my car  and other action movies like charlie ', s angels and mission impossible 2 . now help me figure this one out  will you ? isn ', t this supposed to be a parody film of horror movies ? ! ? ( or maybe that ', s just the title of the film f - ing with my head ) . well  i ', m sorry to have to say this but the only horror in this film is its lame - ass script ! the wayans brothers should have known better than to look towards the weinstein brothers ( money ) instead of the zucker brothers ( comedy ) for this sequel . unfortunately for us  all we ', re left with here is a skeleton of a film which might ', ve been funny  had it been worked over a few more times  tightened up here and there  and been injected with more solid laughs . but as things stand now  there is no doubt in my mind that the obvious greed to capitalize on the success of last year ', s film has led everyone down this path  so screw them for not trying as hard ( critically speaking  of course ) . you should all be ashamed of yourselves for not putting enough " real " effort into this chop - job and for not providing your fans with the ultimate of your talents . pooh on you ! ( that ', s telling ', em  joblo ! sheesh ) btw  i ', m allotting one point alone to actress kathleen robertson  whose massive breasts and skanky g - string had me chompin ', at the bit . you go  girl ! everyone else . . . stay ! where ', s joblo coming from ? airplane ( 10 / 10 ) - airplane ii ( 10 / 10 ) - galaxy quest ( 8 / 10 ) - hannibal ( 7 / 10 ) - the haunting ( 3 / 10 ) - mafia ( 5 / 10 ) - naked gun ( 8 / 10 ) - scary movie ( 8 / 10 ) - top secret ( 9 / 10 )
neg the cartoon is way better . that ', s the bottom line on disney ', s incredibly hyped live action version of its 1961 animated feature . the alliance between disney and slapstick king john hughes has produced a frenetic " home alone " with puppies  and not much else . when production of this remake was announced  the big question seemed to be " why ? the original cartoon still works  so what ', s the point ? " the answer  it appears  is to give disney an excuse for yet another massive merchandising campaign . the story  for those of you who missed childhood  is simple . two dalmatians  pongo and perdy  fall in love at first sight . they drag their " human pets " together  and in a short time both couples marry . the heavenly match - ups turn chaotic when pongo and perdy ', s new - born pups are stolen ; their dog - napping engineered by the evil cruella devil  who wants them for their pelts . everyone in the animal kingdom then joins in a frantic effort to save the puppies . in the original movie  the animated pooches had a broad range of facial expressions and distinct personalities . we also could hear them talk  which quickly established a crucial element to the charm of the film  the dog ', s view of humans as their pets . in the new version  the dogs are mute and expressionless . hughes attempts to give them character with repeated shots of the dalmatians draping their heads over each other and licking their faces and necks . while he drew the desired " aww  they ', re so cute " reaction from the audience  it was quickly followed by several people whispering " i wonder what kind of food they smeared on the dog ', s heads to get them licking like that ? " the canines ', lack of personality would be easier to take if the human beings had a little . joely richardson and jeff daniels are stunningly bland in their lead roles . in previous films  daniels successfully played off his white bread persona . in " something wild "  he revealed the rebellious thrill - seeker beneath his neutral demeanor . in " terms of endearment "  his hapless appearance masked a cold  manipulative womanizer . here  he and richardson are so consistently bland that it ', s a wonder their images even stick to the film . glenn close  however  has no problems establishing a distinct personality . as the villainous icon cruella devil  she tears up the screen in a deliciously over - the - top performance . close matches the intensity of the animated cruella by becoming a cartoon herself . with a two - tone fright wig  red gloves with long nails attached to the fingertips  garish animal skin outfits and stiletto heels  close bursts through her scenes like a force of nature . she ', s clearly having a ball playing this monstrous icon  and her wicked glee is infectious . when she spits out lines like " you ', ve won the battle  but i ', m about to win the wardrobe !  " the film comes briefly to life . " 101 dalmatians " is crammed with john hughes ', typical heavy - handed approach to comedy . after an ingenuous opening showing pongo ', s morning routine as he gets daniels prepared for the day  the film quickly tumbles into lame slapstick as the pooch drags daniels on a careening trek through a city park . a little slapstick goes a long way  but hughes just keeps laying it on . the second half of the film  where local animals team up to rescue 99 nondescript dalmatian puppies from devil and her henchmen  is a tedious home alone clone  with the bad guys enduring a variety of sadistic assaults worthy of an itchy & scratchy cartoon  including a thug getting his testicles fried on an electric fence . " 101 dalmatians " has cute puppies and a hoot of a performance from glenn close  but not enough to warrant enduring third rate slapstick  bland characters  and unconvincing animatronic raccoons high - fiving one another . rent the cartoon !
neg " spawn " may be somewhat of an older film . in fact it will probably be on video before anyone who hasn ', t seen it will finally get to see it ( that is  if they see it ) . but i managed to catch it before it made it ', s way out of theaters and into the world of rentals and  god forbid  video cassette purchasing . it wasn ', t the worst film of year by any means . it isn ', t even on the top 5 of the worst films of the year . but it did manage to top the bottom five of the bottom ten  which  in simpler terms  means it comes in at number 6 on my " worst of 1997 " list . the only reason it doesn ', t come in lower is thanks to the special effects  which might actually have been some of the best of the year . performances  however  were either wooden or  for the most part  unforgivingly campy . in fact  this film shows no signs of attempting to avoid campiness ! even the editing seemed to boast a campy quality . i don ', t know how to explain that one ; it wasn ', t exactly choppy  but something about it seemed . . . well  annoyingly unprofessional . john leguizamo almost makes it as clown  but not quite . he is the only character who provides the audience with any laughs that can honestly be called intentional . but the main problem i found with " spawn "  as with most films that wind up on my " worst of " lists  is that it was just plain boring . i wouldn ', t even say there was a climax to the film . sure  it had the big battle scene at the end  but the only excitement felt was that the movie might be nearing a conclusion . never too soon  the movie did conclude in a very simple  disappointing way . even though it ', s one of the shorter movies i ', ve seen this year  it ', s one that i would definitely not want to subject myself to sitting thru again . like i said  the special effects are the only reason that this film should have any sense of pride  no matter how small . i was impressed with the opening sequence  so long as i didn ', t allow the melodramatic voice - over and lobotomizing editing to get to me . and batman has nothing on the spectacular visuals spawn ', s outfit created . but even the effects got tiresome during the final scenes  which looked quite a bit like a modern video game . who knows if " spawn : the video game " wasn ', t part of the plan from the beginning ? keeping in mind that the film was based on a comic book makes it somewhat more approachable  and in a very small amount  makes up for the cheeziness of it all . but none of this movie ', s saving graces can it make it something i ', d recommend seeing  no matter what the price of admission . this movie is definitely not for young children  which shouldn ', t really be a problem seeing as how only teenagers  if anyone  would likely find it appealing . if you really want to catch a movie  there are many better ones out there  no matter what your tastes might be ! trust me ! " spawn " has very little to offer even the most avid moviegoers !
neg from a major league baseball radio broadcast  featuring play - by - play man harry canary and color man whitey hashbrown  with special guest commentator james berardinelli . hc : as we go to the top of the 8th  we ', re joined in the booth by film critic james berardinelli  who ', s here fresh from seeing the new baseball movie  major league : back to the minors  the third in the popular saga taking a lighter look at the majors . nice to see you  jim . as a big baseball fan and a movie reviewer  can you give us the scoop on the new flick ? jb : my opinion : the producers should have stopped while they were ahead  and that was nine years ago . one entry was definitely enough  and i ', m surprised there was a third after the anemic showing and low quality of major league 2 . this latest installment has all the earmarks of something that should have been released direct - to - video . it ', s worse than a mediocre made - for - tv feature . i should also mention that this movie likely won ', t play all that well in cleveland . now that the real indians are perennial contenders  they have been replaced by the minnesota twins as the cinematic sadsacks . actually  most of the action involves the twins ', aaa minor league club  the buzz  rather than the actual major league franchise . hc : sorry to interrupt  jim  but we still have to do play - by - play for the game on the field . leading off this inning is john warren . he steps into the batter ', s box and takes kent ', s pitch low for ball one . wh : so  the story ', s strictly minor league  right ? what ', s it about ? jb : scott bakula  the guy from quantum leap  plays career minor league pitcher gus cantrell . when twins owner roger dorn  once again portrayed by corbin bernsen  needs a new manager for his aaa team  he offers the job to gus  who is now faced with two daunting tasks : turn the team around and groom hot prospect downtown anderson ( played by walt goggins ) for a promotion to " the show . " with the help of former major leaguers pedro cerrano ( dennis haysbert )  rube baker ( eric bruskotter )  and isuro tanaka ( takaaki ishibashi )  gus gets the buzz on the right track . in fact  he is so successful that he earns the enmity of the jealous manager of the big - league club  leonard huff ( played with over - the - top relish by ted mcginley ) . soon  dorn has arranged an exhibition game that pits gus ', overachieving group against huff ', s overpaid  last - place bunch . wh : can we guess who wins ? jb : the results have all the suspense of watching the videotape of a game when you ', ve already seen the box score . on top of that  none of the mock - ups are presented with much flair . they ', re not just boring ; they ', re lackluster . but the major league movies have never been about drama or tension ; they ', ve been about using baseball situations to generate laughs . hc : warren fouls off a fastball . 1 and 1 . wh : are there lots of yuks in this one ? jb : not one  from start to finish . i enjoyed the first major league because it was reasonably fresh and funny . okay  a lot of the jokes were sophomoric  but they made me laugh . the two sequels haven ', t just been stale  but their humor quotient has been abysmally low . even bob uecker ', s once - sharp one - liners have turned lame  and they ', re the closest the film comes to being even vaguely amusing . hc : here ', s the 1 - 1 pitch . looooooong drive ? fair or foul ? foul ball ! the count goes to 1 and 2 . wh : does the film at least get the baseball details correct ? jb : yes . there aren ', t any glaring errors like there were in one of the best - ever baseball movies  the natural . but i ', d gladly trade a technically accurate film for one with a good story  believable characters  or even a little genuine humor . heck  the naked gun is a better baseball comedy than major league : back to the minors . wh : it ', s nice to see old friends one more time  isn ', t it ? like cerrano  tanaka  and dorn . jb : depends on whether you really care that anyone is back . there aren ', t any real characters here ? just an assortment of cliched oddballs . yeah  the voodoo hitter  the catcher who can ', t throw back to the pitcher  the japanese player  and the conceited player - turned - owner have all returned  but who really cares ? they have no depth . notable absences include tom berenger ', s veteran and charlie sheen ', s " wild thing . " we don ', t really miss them  though . hc : breaking ball  low and outside . 2 and 2 . wh : so you ', re saying that we should give this one a miss ? jb : that ', s right . to use baseball terminology  it ', s a three - pitch strikeout . if you ', re looking for a good movie that involves baseball  try popping the natural  field of dreams  bull durham  or even the first major league into the vcr . actually  this is an oddly - timed release  since baseball fans are likely to be spending more time in parks than in theaters . even the minor league seasons are already underway . don ', t bother with major league : back to the minors . it ', s a wretched time - waster . wh : thanks for the advice . jb : you ', re welcome . hc : and here ', s the 2 - 2 pitch . fouled back  right into this booth . hey  jim  heads up ! oops . somebody better get him some ice for that . he may be good at deflecting bad baseball movies  but he needs to learn not to duck into foul balls . odd how warren seemed to aim that ball right at him  almost as if he has a grudge to settle . anyway  back to the action on the field ?
neg it ', s time to take cover . after a hiatus of about fifteen years  the disaster movie has come back with renewed zest . in early 1997  there were no less than three movies about volcanoes alone  one on television and two in the theaters  with dante ', s peak and volcano in heavy competition for the moviegoing dollar . of the two  i had heard that dante ', s peak was the better film  so i decided to check it out when it was released on video . the film begins with a slow motion scene of people in a third world country trying to evacuate their little town . the town is being covered in ash and sulfuric water from what we presume is a volcanic eruption . flaming rocks of various sizes also fall from the sky  crushing homes and people . we see people panicking  people crying  and even horses rearing . it is a disaster of biblical proportions  signified to us by one person dragging a cross down a road . symbolism doesn ', t get much more blatant than that . we learn that harry dalton ( pierce brosnan )  a volcanologist with the u . s . geological survey  was there with his wife when the eruption occurred . harry survived  but his wife did not . a few years later  harry is sent to investigate some unusual seismic activity detected near the small town of dante ', s peak  washington ( which  we are told  has been voted second most desirable place to live ( under 20  000 ) by the readers of money magazine ) . there harry meets rachel wando  a single mother of two who serves as mayor of dante ', s peak and proprietor of a small coffee shop . although the mayor doesn ', t seem to be alarmed by the presence of a man sent to determine if the mountain next to their town is going to blow up  a few members of the city council are . they are afraid that harry ', s presence is going to scare off an investor who has pledged to put millions of dollars into developing dante ', s peak . they would rather have any news of possible stirrings within the neighboring dormant volcano swept under the rug . however  when an amorous young couple takes a skinny - dip in the local hot springs  they turn up cooked by lava which bubbles up from a small fissure underneath . thus begins a chain of events leading up to the inevitable eruption . this film contains a number of cliches . the amorous couple is one . as soon as they doff their clothes  you know they ', re going to die . the town busybody and the abrasive mother - in - law make appearances  as does the death - defying dog . countless familiar scenarios only serve to make this film very predictable . watching the movie  i was able to not only anticipate each of the major plot elements  but some of the dialogue as well . unfortunate  since much of the dialog is terrible . for example  harry ', s boss  paul ( charles hallahan )  and a team from the u . s . geological survey join harry to assess the situation . paul basically tells the townsfolk that harry ', s eruption predictions aren ', t cause for alarm . this causes harry to leave in a fit of rage  only to turn up the next day  ready for work . when paul asks harry why he stayed  he says with grim determination  " cause this town ', s in trouble and i ', m the best man you ', ve got . " even better is when harry is trying to explain the need to jolt the residents into leaving . he likens the situation to how a frog will jump out if dropped into a pot of boiling water . if the frog is in cold water which is gradually heated up  however  the frog won ', t move and will allow itself to be cooked . " is that your recipe for frog soup ? " asks one of the team members . " it ', s my recipe for disaster  " responds harry . dante ', s peak has a singular talent for pointing out the obvious . our heroes are in a boat in the middle of a lake which harry realizes the volcanic activity has turned to acid . mayor wando demonstrates her brilliant powers of deduction by proclaiming  in a very grave tone  " acid eats metal . " thanks for the tip . when we first see the u . s . geological survey building  there ', s a caption labeling it as such . this wouldn ', t have been so bad if it weren ', t for the fact that the caption is right above a sign on the building which reads  in large letters  " u . s . geological survey . " i suppose the caption is for people who can ', t read signs . although harry and mayor wando become an item by the end of the film  the viewer has no idea why . there is a severe lack of chemistry between the two characters  and the relationship seems rushed because of this . when they get close to kissing  i was asking myself  " why do they want to kiss ? were they even attracted to each other ? " if i were the mayor  i would sure think twice about kissing a guy who doesn ', t even crack a smile through the whole movie  trying to pull off the rough - yet - debonair act . who does he think he is ? james bond ? the eruption of the volcano feels similarly rushed . there are several " warning signs " prior to the eruption itself  but they are so lackluster and without suspense that we don ', t feel as if they are leading up to anything . for example  one of the survey team members makes his way down into the crater of the volcano in order to retrieve a remote controlled robot . a tremor occurs . does he plunge headlong to his death ? is he engulfed in lava which shoots up from below ? no  a couple of rocks fall on him and break his leg . the sole purpose of this scene seemed to be to set up the subsequent chopper rescue scene  which i suppose was intended to be dramatic as well . it wasn ', t . one plot thread left noticeably hanging was the investment in the town of dante ', s peak . in a disaster movie  there ', s usually one guy who ', s greedy enough to cover up the possibility of eruption / fire / earthquake / explosion / tsunami / tornado / meteorite  and usually gets killed by the disaster . it ', s okay  of course  because we all think he got what he deserved . if you ', re going to be unoriginal  you might as well go all the way . in dante ', s peak  the city councilmembers are concerned  but they don ', t really try hard enough . maybe the mayor ', s abrasive mother - in - law should have been the one . for no apparent reason  she snaps at harry for even positing that the volcano could erupt . perhaps her ancestors invested in some pompeii real estate . there are a couple of good things about this movie . the first is the scenery . there are panoramic shots of forests  lakes and mountains that are absolutely beautiful . the second is the special effects . they are the closest i ', ve ever seen to a real pyroclastic eruption . but when elements which don ', t speak are going to be the best parts of your movie  you ', d probably better rewrite the script .
neg capsule : a ham - handed and over / underwritten morality play masquerading as entertainment  so muddled it doesn ', t even know what it ', s really advocating  if anything . a time to kill has been hailed as the best of the grisham adaptations  and it ', s easy to see why : it presents a strong  almost rancorously so  story ; it is full of good actors ( samuel l . jackson  matthew mcconaughey  sandra bullock  kevin spacey  charles dutton ) ; and it ', s ostensibly about some important social issue that we ', re all tangling with . it is not  however  a good movie  and all of the reasons i ', ve listed above have something to do with why . right from the beginning  the movie is dead - set on stacking its deck as thoroughly and unrepentantly as possible . a pair of redneck whites  boozed and drugged out of their minds  kidnap a young black girl  abuse and rape her horribly  and leave her for dead . after their arrest  their father ( jackson ) takes an assault rifle and guns them down on the way to trial . mcconaughey is then drafted in as his lawyer  and the rest is somehow strangely predictable courtoom movie dramatics . the acting is not quite what it should be  given the cast we have . sandra bullock ( who is a good actress but not a serious one ) looks clueless ; spacey ', s accent switches itself on and off at random ( and he ', s given a totally thankless role to play as well  a role without an iota of depth ) ; and mcconaughey ', s role is stamped from the cardboard back of a cereal box . the most memorable role is donald sutherland ', s  and his is a bit part . i always consider it an index of a movie ', s desperation when it is able to present shocking and outlandish events  and somehow not have them generate an ounce of impact . there is one scene -- a riot outside the courtroom -- that should have created incredible tension  but winds up playing out like a textbook exercise on how not to deploy a scene like this . because the movie doesn ', t know what it ', s really about  it * can ', t * generate any genuine tension  and so it has to artifically inject tension through clumsy plotting . one of the ways it does this is by throwing in a whole subplot about a bunch of vicious kkk cross - burners -- which is tidied up so neatly that it borders on the nihilistic . i was reminded of the despicable betrayed  which tried to tart up a fundamentally empty story by injecting vile  graphic acts of racism as little more than an attention - getter . the movie immolates an enormous amount of its potential by making a few critical mistakes . first of all  the jackson character is not hard to judge ; there ', s no tension in his dilemma . he ', s self - admittedly guilty and should be sent to jail  no matter how moral his crusade . the old saw about how no court in the land would convict him  if he was white  is supposed to be the underlying theme of the movie  but it ', s never developed into an organic component of the story . it just sort of floats around on top while the movie grinds away furiously with its plot mechanics . another mistake is in motivational logic : by not having the two white thugs arraigned first -- or maybe tried and then dismissed from lack of evidence  say -- we have that much less empathy for jackson ', s character . i ', m probably supposed to think that just because he had his daughter raped  we are * automatically * supposed to feel empathy for him  but that ', s precisely the kind of facile thinking that makes real justice impossible . ( see the virgin spring for more on that note . ) is jackson ', s character then simply insane ? that prospect isn ', t given terribly serious treatment either . one of the most aggravating things about coutroom movies is how little they seem to know about how the law works  or how lawyers get their information . mcconaughey ', s character makes an important slipup late in the movie  when one of his witnesses turns out to have been convicted of a capital offense . how did the prosecution get this information ? how come he didn ', t get it ? the whole way these questions get handled are symptomatic of the movie ', s way of dealing with complex legal and moral questions in cheap screenwriterly slam - bang fashion . this is the biggest problem : the movie isn ', t about jackson ', s character  or his dilemma  or this case  or any of its ( frequently interesting despite the porcine writing and direction ) characters . it ', s not ultimately about anything at all  except its stupid geared - down plot  which inches onwards in one unremarkable scene after another towards a totally contrived ending . at two and a half hours  the movie is overlong and drastically overwritten : there ', s endless stuff about things which ultimately add up to nothing  and no writing about the material that should really matter . it ', s all handwaving . the closing argument are also sneaky and underhanded  and underscored my suspicion that the movie is manipulative and unfair . it ', s not easy to make a movie about something . the other day i saw kurosawa ', s phenomenal rashomon  a movie that is really about the way people deal with truth and reality ( or don ', t ) . a time to kill is as empty and ponderous a movie as i ', ve seen in a long time .
neg " deep rising " gives you that sinking feeling both literally and figuratively : not only does the movie take place on a cruise ship slowly being immersed into the middle of the ocean by a squid - like menace  but the unfolding story is artificial  silly and almost completely derivative of countless other ( and  for the most part  better ) films . while dumb monster movies can at least be decent guilty pleasures -- take  for example  the schlocky mountain highs of last spring ', s " anaconda " -- " deep rising " has no tongue to put in its cheek . folks  we ', re only a month into the new year  and already here ', s a candidate for one of its stinkiest releases . most of the action takes place on the argonautica  a luxury liner in the middle of its maiden voyage ( uh - oh -- if these people had seen " titanic  " then maybe they ', d have known to stay home ) when it ', s attacked by a giant  tentacled sea creature . the only survivors are slinky jewel thief trilian ( famke janssen )  argonautica owner canton ( anthony heald ) and a few other crew members . a mercenary team  lead by resourceful captain john finnegan ( treat williams )  board the argonautica looking for assistance after their own boat breaks down nearby . but what their search of the ship uncovers is something blood - soaked  hungry and not very helpful . the main problem with " deep rising " is its overt familiarity ; the movie makes absolutely no attempt to differentiate itself from most sci - fi / horror films in recent memory . the concept is " leviathan " meets " titanic  " with a dash of " speed 2 " thrown in for good ( or is that bad ? ) measure . this monster is equal parts " 20  000 leagues under the sea " and " the relic  " knows how to open doors like the raptors from " jurassic park " and even gets to expel a half - digested victim ( a neat effect  admittedly ) a la the giant snake in " anaconda . " some of the attack sequences are straight out of " jaws " and " alien . " a scene where the remaining survivors have to travel under water to escape death is right out of " alien resurrection . " there ', s even a jet ski chase like " hard rain . " and the list goes on . watching " deep rising " ', s cast battle the beast is a murky chore in itself  because none of them have well - developed characters  nor do they seem to project even the slightest sense of fear when facing their enemy . williams is affable enough  but his finnegan just isn ', t believable . an interesting supporting cast is thoroughly wasted ; pretty famke janssen  best known as " goldeneye " ', s killer thighs  is trapped in a forced romantic interest with williams  while kevin j . o ', connor  as finnegan ', s mechanic  provides comic relief with screechy manic shtick that gets old fast . djimon honsou  who received raves for his performance as a noble slave in december ', s " amistad  " pops up in a brief part . he needs to stay away from the water . the movie ', s final shot is a groaner  as is the 11th - hour regurgitation of a subplot involving an on - ship saboteur . as if a cast deserving of their snack food - fate isn ', t bad enough ( when you taunt the monster  you ', re really asking for it )  " deep rising " is a slow  stupid slog through a story without a single bright spot . and since we all know that the higher the casualty rate is  the closer we are to the end of the movie  rooting for this overgrown squid to swallow the whole ship isn ', t out of the question .
neg " mandingo " has traditionally been seen as one of two things : either a much - needed revisionist look at slavery in the south  or in the words of film critic leonard maltin  " a trashy potboiler " that " appeals only to the s & m crowd . " actually  i think " mandingo " is a strange combination of the two  although it fails on both fronts . it ', s too trashy to be good drama  but too dramatic to be good trash . the story takes place on a dilapidated louisiana plantation run by crotchety old warren maxwell ( james mason ) and his son  hammond ( perry king ) . one day in new orleans  hammond comes across a slave trader selling a mandingo named mede ( heavyweight boxer ken norton ) . although the movie never explains it  a mandingo is simply the name for africans who come from the region of the upper niger river valley . according to the movie  mandingos were the rolls royce of african slaves . hammond pays top price for mede and has to fight off others in order to get him . hammond then spends his time training mede to be a fighter in money brawls with other slaves . meanwhile  hammond has married his cousin  blanche ( susan george )  because she wants to escape her family and he is under pressure from his father to produce a grandchild . hammond  however  is happier spending nights with his " bed wench  " the derogatory name given to female slaves used by their masters for easy sex . it is quickly apparent that hammond  despite his overt racism  is more in love with his bed wench  a sensitive slave girl named ellen ( brenda sykes )  than he is with blanche . hammond considers blanche tainted goods because he finds out on their wedding night that another man had " pleasured " her before he did . of course  it ', s fine that he ', s slept with numerous slave girls  but the fact that his wife  a " white lady  " had been with another man out of wedlock destroys his capacity to care for her . so blanche is usually left lonely and sex - starved while hammond is sleeping with ellen . blanche gets back at hammond by seducing the studly mede and bearing his child . hammond and his father cannot stand the idea that blanche has given birth to a half - black child ( although it ', s okay that ellen was pregnant by hammond )  so warren kills the child by letting it bleed to death after birth  and hammond poisons blanche . hammond then finds mede  shoots him twice in the shoulder  and pushes him into a giant cauldron of boiling water . yes  you read right : the film ends with hammond getting his revenge by boiling mede alive . judging only by the plot  " mandingo " is pure sexploitation . the main purpose of the film seems to be getting as many blacks and whites into bed together as possible  with only the slightest commentary on what that would mean in 19th century southern society . when " mandingo " was released in 1975  it was still a bit of a shocker to see miscegenation on screen in such a graphic detail ; this way the movie could revise cinematic history while attracting large audiences of curious voyeurs . dramatically  " mandingo " is weak and unfocused  and historically it ', s mostly confused . if one were to judge history by this film  it would be easy to walk away with the notion that the entire system of american slavery was based on sexuality  not economics . not once in the film do we see any of the slaves working  except for a few house servants . the men spend most of the time sitting around  while the sole purpose of a female slave seems to be free sex for the owner . there is historical basis in the notion that slave owners often slept with their female slaves  but " mandingo ', s " overwhelming emphasis on this aspect of slavery gives the movie the unpleasant taste of a cheap sex flick ( although there ', s plenty of violence -- fights  vicious beatings  shootings  and the aforementioned human boiling sequence -- thrown in for good measure ) . some tried to write off " mandingo " as a blaxploitation film  one of a number of quickly - made  low - budget films appealing to black sensibilities in the early seventies  but it ', s not that easy . " mandingo " was studio - financed by paramount pictures  and produced by dino de laurentiis  the grandiose italian producer behind such notorious productions as " the bible " ( 1966 )  the remake of " king kong " ( 1976 )  and the ill - fated " dune " ( 1984 ) . the director was richard fleischer  a veteran who was best known for several special effects - laden action movies including " 20  000 leagues under the sea " ( 1954 ) and " fantastic voyage " ( 1966 )  as well as such superior suspense films as " the narrow margin " ( 1952 ) . the script  based on the supermarket best - seller by ken ostott ( and the subsequent play by jack kirkland )  was penned by norman wexler  who had been nominated for an oscar two years earlier for his work on " serpico . " james mason  perry king  and susan george were well - known and respected actors ( mason already had three oscar nominations under his belt )  and ken norton appeared to have a promising film career . so why is " mandingo " so bad ? a number of reasons  including the fact that all those experienced filmmakers behind and in front of the camera did a lousy job . wexler ', s script is pure poor hokum bordering on the offensive ; it combines stereotyped slave - talk ( " yessuh  massuh " )  stereotyped southern white trash talk ( " fer whut ', re you gittin ', outta bed ? " )  and stereotyped contemporary militant black talk ( " if you see me hang  you gonna know you killed a black brother ! " ) . fleischer ', s direction is clumsy  especially during the fight scenes  and all the actors give weak performances  especially susan george whose constant shrieking finally becomes laughable . nevertheless  credit should be given where credit is due . despite its exploitative nature  " mandingo " was one of the first hollywood movies to take an alternative look at slavery . until then  there had been a kind of underlying racism in all hollywood films dealing with slavery . even classics such as " gone with the wind " ( 1939 ) can be seen as inherently racist by its glossing over the subject matter . " mandingo " reassessed the south  and showed that it wasn ', t all beautiful plantations  green fields  and pretty sunsets . but all this is constantly undermined by the film ', s negligible point - of - view -- it claims to see things from the black perspective  but the entire narrative focus is on the soap opera tales of the white owners . with a little more maturity and different handling  " mandingo " might have been an effective  worthwhile film . while it portrays many sensitive aspects of slavery  it never deals with them . the issues the movie brings up are worthwhile  but wexler ', s script refuses to move them beyond a surface level of trashily vicarious viewing . there is a great deal of potential in honestly exploring the nature of a sexual relationship between slave and owner  but " mandingo " never does it . steven spielberg touched on that same topic in " schindler ', s list " ( 1993 )  by looking at a nazi officer writhing in inner turmoil because of his feelings for a jewish maid . the difference between that film and " mandingo " is that spielberg dealt with the situation in a fair  unexploitive manner that focused on the inherent human dilemma . " mandingo " is satisfied to simply show some skin  and because of that  its " trashy potboiler " nature overshadows any potential social good it might have accomplished .
neg the above is dialogue from this film  taken almost completely in context  and not jazzed up a bit to make it more inept than it is . it is spoken between two of the protagonists somewhere in the film  and basically serves as a perfect example of what this film is about  especially if you realize that this exchange is meant to be taken seriously . mr . gregg " i ', m - having - a - mid - life - crisis " araki  the writer and director of this film  wants to show how important teenagers are  and wants to show how they feel in such a horrible  horrible world . and how does he show it ? by really cheap surrealism  and moronic exchanges like this . oh  and it gets better . a similar bit of dialogue is said in the middle of  oh i dunno  the fiftieth sex scene in this film ( i ', m not counting the several masturbation scenes ) . in it  one of the protagonists is humping away on top of another  and he says to her something along the lines of " do you ever wonder what life is all about ? " sorry  man : foreplay takes place before the act of coitus . of course  what do you expect : the film was written and directed by a guy who can ', t even spell his first name right ( yes  i know it ', s a cheap joke  but it had to be done ) . " the doom generation " is advertised as a road trip movie about people who go around killing others who attack them  and also as another " teen angst " film ( one of the slogans is " teen is a four - letter word " - hardy har har ) . it ', s a film about two angsty teens - amy blue ( rose macgowan  who would later play the buxom tatum in " scream " ) and jordon white ( james duval  who would go on to play randy quaid ', s son in " independence day " ) - who pick up an angsty homicidal maniac  xavier red ( jonathan schaech  who would go on to play the angsty lead guitarist in " that thing you do ! " - and by the way  do you get the symbolism ? red  white  and blue ? huh ? huh ? )  and go on a road trip where three things happen  in no order : 1 ) they have sex ; 2 ) they run into weird people ; 3 ) they kill them . the film is basically a remix of a bunch of other far superior films . gregg araki obviously has seen such films as " easy rider  " " natural born killers  " and " kalifornia  " and tries to borrow elements from all these films and make something which is like a pop culture reference guide . but what he forgets is these films either represented something that this film does not  or that they dug deep into their subjects and brought something out of them to make them deeper . " the doom generation " doesn ', t want to do this ; it just wants to show everything in a surreal manner for the sole reason that araki does not want to deal with them on any kind of real level . he wants to show everything in a weird manner  and forgets what the scenes are supposed to be about . here ', s one scene  an earlier scene in the film : amy and jordan go into a quick - e mart type place to get food and other stuff . amy is smoking  and the clerk  an asian man mind you ( i love how racist this film is  i really do )  tells her to put it out . she tells him to fuck off or something to that note . he points a shotgun at her  and she puts it out reluctantly . jordan makes two hot dogs  and takes them to the counter . the cash register rings up " 6 . 66 " ( oh  and this symbolism doesn ', t stop here ) . jordan checks for his wallet but it ', s really in the car . he asks amy for it  but she left her wallet in the car as well . the clerk brings out his shotgun again and asks for the money . they say they don ', t have it . he gets ready to kill them  but then xavier  who they ditched in the middle of nowhere a scene before  pops out of nowhere  fights with the clerk  and ends with him blowing the clerk ', s head clean off ( clean wound  mind you ) . the head is shown flying through the air  and lands in a fryer  where it begins to scream . i don ', t really object to this kind of sick violence  but this scene is in the film for one reason and one reason only : to gross you out . araki thinks that if he takes everything to the extreme  he ', ll make some kind of art . wrong . it takes a kind of resistance to make gore art . when george romero made " dawn of the dead  " a very gory flick even for today  he had control over everything and still was able to make everything sick . same goes for peter jackson ', s disgustingly gory " dead alive  " which features a 30 minute long fest of blood  guts  dismemberments  flesh chewing  and other assorted stuff  all ending with a guy with a lawn mower strapped to his body  taking out all sorts of zombies . it was sick  but it was also satirical  and controled . a scene like this has no purpose in the film  and it sticks out from everything else that happens . here ', s a couple other scenes : jordan and amy have sex in a bath tub and xavier watches  masturbates  and then licks the semen from his hand ; xavier and amy have sex and jordan watches from the window  masturbates  and falls backwards ; a man attacks the trio  and is stabbed in the crotch by a giant sword ( put there just so this could happen ) ; a fast food employee stalks the trio  and his arm is shot off by xavier ; and various other annoyances . also  look for about a million camoes from a wide assortment of people  who probably didn ', t really know what they were getting into when they signed up to do it ( just like peter o ', toole  helen mirren  malcolm macdowell  and john gielgud probably didn ', t when they signed to be in " caligula " ) . people such as indie actors parker posey and nicky katt  alternative rock stars skinny puppy and perry farrel  hollywood madam heidi fleiss  christopher " peter brady " mcknight  amanda bearse  and margaret cho all grace the screen for a matter of seconds  then disappear so that we can return to the annoying main plot line . why are they here ? so that we can all point to them and say " hey  look it ', s ( fill in the blank ) ! wow ! " gimme a break . the film ', s meaning is pretty easy to detect : that  you know  teens are so precious  and the world is such a horrible place  that when the two entities collide  there ', s a giant explosion of horrific violence . otherwise defined as " teen angst  " or the belief that being a teenager is a horrible thing and that the world is too bad for you . look  i ', m 19 years old . i went through a very brief teen angst thing which curiously lasted about as long as my taste in nirvana did . i ', ve since moved on to " i don ', t really know what to do with my life " phase  but the teen angst phase is something which is so annoyingly sophomoric and ignorant that any film that thinks they ', re dealing with it on any kind of serious level is just beating the wrong horse . part of being a teen is experimenting  and testing the waters . it ', s not whining about how awful parents are  and purposely feeling dispondent . this is what the characters in this film do  and the film wants to show how they ', re these great people who are being punished by the world because they ', re teenagers  and how they try to defend themselves but can ', t totally overcome them . it ', s not their fault they kill people ; it ', s the world ', s ! what they really need is a reality check . the world is a bad place  and teenagers can be easily harmed because they are experimenting . but part of it is taking everything that happens to you and learning from it . the film thinks that teenagers are basically doomed  and there ', s nothing they can do about it . hence the title . not only does it have bad fallacy  but it can ', t even express this in an intelligent and coherent manner . everything ', s overly surreal  and all we get are scenes of graphic violence and graphic sex . how does xavier licking semen off his hand express teen angst ? how does a talking decapitated head show that teens are dispondent because the world makes them this way ? and why does the film constantly go back to the teen angst issue of the film ? if araki had any kind of competence in writing or direction  he ', d show them for what they really are . and if he didn ', t want the satirical approach  he ', d show the real problems with the world . and if you still don ', t think that " the doom generation " is incompetent on every single possible level it could be  take the acting . rose macgowan is horrible . yes  she proved herself talented in " scream  " but she ', s so bad in " the doom generation " that if i had not seen her in " scream  " i would have christened her one of the worst actresses working in films today . her entire performance is one - note ( bitchy )  and the one scene where she cries over a dead animal is so forced that it ', s laughable . equally bad is jonathan schaech  who wants to be the slacker serial killer : someone who doesn ', t have any remorse because emotions cause some kind of strain . his performance is annoying as hell  and granted  he was better in " that thing you do ! " and then there ', s james duval . let ', s just say he makes keanu reeves look like brando . he has the same kind of slacker stuttering  only much much much worse  and every line he says is so bad that i have now deemed him " least talented actor in the world . " i have seen lots of bad actors  but james duval has got to be the worst . or at least somewhere up there . here ', s another example of a bad scene  if you ', re still not convinced : the film opens up in a club where they ', re playing nine inch nail ', s most banal song  " heresy " ( example of the lines : " god is dead / and no one cares / if there is a hell / i ', ll see you there " )  and as the song plays  and red strobe lights show the patrons dancing  the film pans over to amy  just standing there  looking dispondent . the film closes in on her  she looks right at the camera and says " fuck . " no explanation of this should be necessary . and finally  a note to gregg : grow up . really . move out of your parent ', s basement  read something other than salinger  and get a day job . and don ', t quit it .
neg " ladybugs " is a typical comedy that relies on three supposed guarantees : the pathetic team who beats the champs ; cross dressing ; and the presence of rodney dangerfield . this picture doesn ', t play like a comedy for children  so who is it aimed at ? and why is it told like a 91 - minute sit - com instead of a feature film ? rodney dangerfield stars as chester lee  a total schmuck working at a huge corporation . he obviously doesn ', t have a lot of self esteem and thinks he has to kiss up to get ahead  which he does by volunteering to coach the company ', s girls ', soccer team . what a shock to learn chester and his assistant julie ( jackee ) know absolutely nothing about the game  and the players seem to know even less . i didn ', t laugh  but for some reason it didn ', t annoy me that much . chester ', s fiancee bess ( graff ) thinks he got a promotion in addition to the coaching position  and of course she has a slacker for a son who is doing poorly in school and is kicked off the sports teams . jonathon brandis is a nice surprise as matthew  who agrees to dress up as a girl named martha to help out chester ( probably because the girl he has a crush on plays on the team - what original story ideas ! ) . what we get is just another retread of the " underdog sports team " mixed with some cross dressing . unfortunately  the film isn ', t smart enough to play upon the drag aspect . in fact  it downplays it so heavily it ', s totally unbelievable . could it be any more obvious martha is a boy ? he only wears a girl ', s wig  without any makeup  and they don ', t even give him falsies . brandis doesn ', t bother to mimic a girl ', s voice either . then there is a pointless scene where chester and matthew shop for a dress  but for what reason ? martha is only seen on the soccer field  why would they buy a dress for her ? just when we think the martha character is going to be useful  she disappears  and the story wanders aimlessly looking for a new plot to pick up on . when bess discovers what ', s really going on she breaks up with chester  and the relationship is forgotten about and the film focuses on the soccer team and the tension between chester and his boss . this film could ', ve been less bad had it been the cliche sports comedy  but it feels the need to go off on tangents that are completely unnecessary ( and bad at that ) . there ', s just too much of a sit - com feel here  especially during the so - called serious moments  and all the confusion between the characters . i ', ve seen worse movies than " ladybugs  " but for some reason it contained some sort of bizarre charm  so even when it turns sour it doesn ', t seem as bad as it is . dangerfield finally gets his respect in the end  but at what a price .
neg the happy bastard ', s quick movie review the concept of enjoying a stupid comedy is best realized as keeping it stupid  really . shift gears even once and the audience can be thrown miserably out of control . sadly  that is the case with kingpin  a film directed by the farrelly brothers  the duo that brought us there ', s something about mary and dumb and dumber . since the duo directed and didn ', t write the script  i can assume that ', s part of the problem . the story seems good enough : a pro bowler in the 1970 ', s by the name of roy munson ( woody harrelson ) is sitting on top of the world . his popularity has gone through the roof and he ', s getting his career off the ground . then  however  he runs into ed mccracken ( bill murray )  a rival bowler with hardly any real consideration for  well  anything . these two form an ill - timed relationship that involves risky betting  and  before roy sees it coming  ed ', s abandoned him and he ', s about to lose his hand in a bowling ball machine . forward seventeen years later  where roy has become quite the loser  complete with mechanical hand  torn - up car  and  of course  the occasional knocking up of the ugly - ass landlord to avoid paying rent for a while . however  he finds a glimmer of a hope upon a visit to a local bowling alley  where he runs into an amish kid named ishmael ( randy quaid )  who has quite the bowling arm . with the kid ', s help  he figures he can be known again  particularly at the biggest bowling tournament rapidly approaching in reno  nevada . of course  the amish kid needs some coaxing  particularly when you consider  well  he ', s amish . this leads to some of the best comic scenes in the film  such as roy ', s process of removing horseshoes or milking the cow . finally  the duo get on the road and  along the way  pick up an additional helper - a beautiful hustler ( played by the gorgeous vanessa angel ) . the main problem i had with kingpin wasn ', t the fact it wasn ', t funny . in fact  it does have some rather hilarious scenes in it  such as the aformentioned above and roy ', s explanation of not having children ( something involving a cheese grater ? ) . but that ', s just it - scenes . there ', s a couple of really serious scenes that throw off the entire momentum of the movie  like the abuse angel takes from her hustler ex - boyfriend . i mean  was this really necessary ? couldn ', t have this been handled just a bit wackier ? i mean  this is a comedy  why throw ethics in ? particularly in a farrelly brothers vehicle  where hair gel can be easily mistaken ? that really ruined it  however  and that ', s too bad . the acting is top notch  especially from angel and murray  and the really funny scenes are worth noting . still  if you ', re going to think dumb  think dumb all the way through  ok ? at least the farrelly brothers got back on track with mary or i ', d still be a little bit irked .
neg " shagadellic ! "  " groovy  baby ! " " smashing ! " adorn the 1 / 4 page ad for this movie tabbed as " the # 1 comedy in america " as of may 8th . did we attend the same movie ? ! at 87 minutes it seemed overlong  like a snl skit on steroids  and at any length it seemed unfunny . yes  the sets and costumes were an interesting exaggeration of 60s pop frills  and yes  the concept  dealing with a 60s secret agent / pop icon ( played by myers ) awakened from his cryogenic slumber to battle his arch enemy ( dr . evil  also played by myers ) in the present day  had a great deal of potential . fun costumes and scenery and potential do not a movie make so lets throw in a hefty dose of bathroom humor . don ', t get me wrong  i like a good " bubbles in the bathtub joke " as much as the next person  but to have this type of humor be the funniest thing about your movie is a waste of yuor talent and my money . but  the way things work these days in the movie business  all a film has to do is call itself the funniest and people will believe it . i do give this film stars because of the sets  costumes  and sadly  unmet potential .
neg robin williams  this time without a beard  returns to drama in this sloppy  sickly sweet fantasy with few redeeming features apart from the incredible effects . he plays chris nielsen  who meets annie ( annabella sciora ) and promptly marries her . they have two great kids  who sadly die in a car crash . just when it couldn ', t get any worse  chris gets killed in a car crash  and goes to heaven where he meets his guide albert ( gooding jnr . ) annie can ', t take the grief anymore  and kills herself . ( all sounding like good fun so far ? ) the ', penalty ', for suicide is to go to hell  and chris goes on a mission to try and rescue her using the help of the traveller ( max von sydow . ) based on a novel by twilight zone writer richard matheson  what dreams may come is clunky  manufactured material doused with a extra load of sugar . this is the worse spielberg film spielberg never made . everything is wrong about this movie : the performances are forced  and the audiences fail to relate to any of the characters . williams puts on a convincing upset face  but that ', s all it is : a face . there ', s no emotion behind it . sciora ', s performance is lazy  and bogs down the whole film . she may look pretty  but she can ', t act . max von sydow is o . k as the traveller  if nothing special . cuba gooding jnr  thankfully  adds some bounce to his performance  and is certainly the best performer in the film . it ', s a shame that his character is so flat and 2 - d  and offers no room for improvement . all the performers have to work with a soppy script  that tries it ', s best to get some emotion going  but never takes off the ground . there are _some_ scenes which could be real heartwarmers  but the faceless characters don ', t help to get anything out of the performers . while films like e . t used great actors  music and direction to pull of a masterful heart - tugging scene  what dreams may come is haphazard  expecting the emotion to come out of the scene automatically . instead  it ', s all rather boring . sure  the music is pretty ( by michael kamen ) and the cinematography isn ', t bad ( by eduardo serra ) but there ', s something lacking . the script doesn ', t help  filled with hopeless romantic clich ? s  and dud speeches . richard matheson can write some awesome science fiction stories  sadly this novel would look embarrassed in a bargain bin  let alone being converted into a $ 70 million vehicle for robin williams . despite being set in heaven  what dreams may come is mightily depressing . the film rushes a happy ending  but everything before this is very  very sad and black  which just adds to make the ending even more hopeless and stupid . but there ', s one redeeming feature about this failure of a movie : the special effects . heaven and hell are truly incredible places  and the actors fit perfectly with the virtual sets . but despite this  what dreams may come  proves to be nothing but the biggest disappointment of 1998 . instead of raising questions about existence  it raises boredom . sadly  i recommend you give this film a miss . better luck next time  robin . a david wilcock review ? 1998 " you know  for kids " - norville barnes
neg the catch phrase for disney ', s rocket man is one spoken by fred z . randall ( harland williams )  the bumbling idiot computer programmer turned astronaut who continuously wreaks havoc everywhere he goes . " it wasn ', t me ! " he proclaims over and over as the aftermath of his stupidity brings about looks of disgust from the others . well when it comes to this movie being as horrible as it is  williams can ', t take all the blame  but he sure can ', t justify himself with his own simple tag line either . fred has dreamed of space travel since he was a young boy  turning the clothes dryer into a mock space shuttle and staring out wide - eyed at a poster of the earth . as a 30 - year - old  fred hasn ', t grown up much  but at least he ', s somewhat closer to his goal  now designing astronaut software for nasa . when an astronaut for an upcoming mission to mars becomes injured  nasa calls on the person who knows the programming inside and out to fill the void . . . fred . yes  although he ', s an obviously klutzy moron  nasa doesn ', t think twice about throwing him into a rigorous training program so he can assist one of the most important events the space program  and time itself  has ever known . for the first part of the film  we watch as fred takes on the training program much like an amusement park . he laughs  he screams  but he never once breaks a sweat or views the preparation as anything more than child ', s play . his passive approach to the program eventually leads to many record - breaking feats  much to the dismay of cocky counterpart  mission commander captain overbeck ( william sadler )  who once held the records . overbeck will regretfully accompany fred and two others to the red planet  one being astronaut julie ford ( the stupids ', jessica lundy )  and the other being a chimpanzee who is much more civilized than our antagonizing protagonist . from here on out  we are subjected to one lame gag after another  dealing with snot  laxatives  and flatulence . you know  standard kid movie material . almost sounding like a poor james stewart impressionist  williams is awful in his first starring role . we get the feeling that if jerry lewis and pee - wee herman were related and produced an inbred offspring  williams would be it . while he ', s not as annoying as other actors who cater to zany  stupid comedy  he ', s just as unlikeable . to say it more understandably  jim carrey might annoy you more  but this guy is even less funny . why ? because while he possesses the stupidness needed to pull off such a role  his performance is too understated and boring . classic comedic dunces were generally oblivious to their own idiocy . stan laurel  for example  was so innocent in all his trouble - making that we were immediately fond of him . peter sellers  as inspector clouseau  was so self - assured and confident that when he did something as simple as trip  it was humor at it ', s best . williams  on the other hand  can ', t garner the pity he needs to make us love him in all his anti - glory . as for the rest of the cast  including some bigger names in smaller roles ( beau bridges and shelley duvall )  nobody is worth watching whatsoever . this is just another example of the fast - food equivalent of cinema : mass - produced  less than mediocre  over priced  and hard to stomach . giving it one - and - a - half stars is * extremely * generous  but even i ', ll admit to laughing a few times . the amazing thing is that even in a theater packed with little kids  laughter was something rarely heard - even from the children ! i must admit that it gave me more respect for the kids when they didn ', t crack up over every little thing . then again  maybe they were asleep . some people might think critics are harsh on kid movies  claiming adults aren ', t the targeted audience and therefore aren ', t meant to  and won ', t  enjoy them . sadly  it ', s also true that kids will enjoy almost anything if it ', s presented right . a two - hour still shot of a dog with a cartoonish voice over could entertain a lot of toddlers out there  but would that make it as artistic as beauty and the beast  which could easily do the same thing ? and saying that a parent ', s perspective isn ', t important is quite a poor theory to have when they ', re the ones who take the kids to these films in the first place .
neg based on the novel set in 1914 by joseph conrad  victory spins a tale of a pair of lovers  heyst ( william dafoe ) and alma ( irene jacob )  who seek refuge on heyst ', s isolated island . however  their idyllic world begins to crumble upon the arrival of mr jones ( sam neil )  martin ricardo ( rufus sewell ) and their servant  pedro ( graziano marcelli )  who have come to steal heyst ', s rumoured plunder . while the novel is largely complex in characterization  the film sadly transposes conrad ', s characters into lacklustre leads  the most disappointing being heyst himself . conrad ', s heyst adheres religiously to his late father ', s ways of detachment and isolation . his ascetic lifestyle is thrown into question when he meets alma  a helpless orchestra girl who charms him with her voice . the struggle to embrace the arrival of alma into his solitude  however  is lost in mark peploe ', s ( director and writer ) diluted version of heyst . without properly establishing the crucial details of heyst ', s character  all that is left of conrad ', s main character is a very shallow treatment of his internal conflict between detachment and human involvement . on the one hand  actualizing the subtext is a mammoth task ( though not impossible )  but on the other hand  dafoe ', s flat acting cannot be excused as an attempt at stoicism . in the end  we are supposed to witness heyst renounce his philosophy and finally come to an understanding of what it is to love another . the final transformation  while perceptible  lacks the cathartic revelation which is undeniable in conrad ', s novel . its absence in the film is unforgivable . the film seems more concerned about moving the plot along when so much has yet to be said about the relationship between the two complete strangers . alma is supposed to have overcome great emotional barriers in the relationship  namely heyst ', s underlying philosophy of detachment  which heyst himself grapples with . the struggle against heyst ', s ignorance of true human involvement accounts for much of the greatness of alma ', s love for him . jacob  fair - skinned  gentle and yet passionate  handles the role with precision  detailing nuances where possible . unfortunately  she is let down by a superficial script . the couple ', s relationship develops too hastily  leaving all subtlety effaced and replaced with a blatant show - and - tell approach . all we know of the characters are mostly explained by their lines alone . this is unsatisfactory when so much of the turmoil experienced by the two stem from their buried thoughts and emotions . the sketchy handling of their relationship stands out as sorely as dafoe ', s american accent ( an inappropriate one since heyst spent most of his life in london ) . the other characters such as schomberg ( jean yanne )  the owner of a hotel  and mr jones ( sam neill )  also fall short of conrad ', s meticulous characterization . while schomberg should have been more menacing and vindictive  mr jones should have been portrayed as something more of an enigma . sam neil ', s caricature of a slightly stout  effeminate and soft - spoken gentleman - at - large nullifies the effect intended by conrad who describes mr jones as " an insolent spectre on leave from hades  endowed with skin and bones and a subtle power of terror " . poor characterization aside  kudos goes to rufus sewell for his excellent portrayal of ricardo  secretary to mr jones  a reckless ruffian capable of murder . sewell  with his cockney accent and large expressive green eyes  becomes the true terror of the unholy trinity  masterminding deceitful plans behind jones ', back . at the same time  we are entertained by the foolhardiness of his plans . despite the authentic setting and marvellous cinematography by bruno de keyzer  very few images are left behind for us to savour after the film has ended . sourabaya and its surrounding islands and volcanoes may have their charm  but mean nothing once the film fails to capture the essence of an epic  which is what victory deserves to be . the delicately inter - woven complexities in the love story are lost to an inadequate production . at the end of the film  we are told that perhaps alma ', s victory was in teaching heyst how to love . a hollow victory indeed . the flying inkpot ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg a couple of criminals ( mario van peebles and loretta devine ) move into a rich family ', s house in hopes of conning them out of their jewels . however  someone else steals the jewels before they are able to get to them . writer mario van peebles delivers a clever script with several unexpected plot twists  but director mario van peebles undermines his own high points with haphazard camera work  editing and pacing . it felt as though the film should have been wrapping up at the hour mark  but alas there was still 35 more minutes to go . daniel baldwin ( i can ', t believe i ', m about to type this ) gives the best performance in the film  outshining the other talented members of the cast . [ r ]
neg chill factor is a carbon copy of speed with one notable exception : instead of a speeding bus  we now have an ice cream truck . the truck is driven by arlo ( cuba gooding jr . ) and mason ( skeet ulrich )  who have been instructed by a dying scientist to transport a deadly chemical weapon to a military base by the name of fort mcgruder . this particular weapon ( nicknamed ` elvis ', ) must be kept below a temperature of 50 degrees  or else the shockwave will goo - iffy everything in a mile radius . that would be pretty nasty . the power of elvis is revealed in the opening scene  as dr . richard long ( david paymer ) conducts a test on an isolated tropical island . long accidentally melts 18 soldiers and defoliates virtually the entire island  due to an enormously miscalculated safety distance . the commanding officer  general brynner ( peter firth )  is sentenced to 10 years in prison for the murder of his troops . upon his release  the general is intent on tracking the good doctor down  snatching elvis  and selling the weapon to the highest international bidder . protecting the fate of the world is a drifting hamburger flipper ( ulrich ) and a feisty ice cream delivery man ( gooding jr . )  who must elude brynner ', s men and get elvis to safety at fort mcgruder . all the while  of course  they must keep the weapon below 50 degrees . this proves to be tricky . among the wild adventures arlo and mason partake in is a trip down a tree - covered mountainside in a boat  and a fist fight on top of a moving vehicle . they also crack a few dozen witty retorts that we are supposed to find amusing . to put it simply  i ', ll use a clever pun : chill factor should be put on ice . director hugh johnson has mixed elements from speed  broken arrow and the lethal weapon series to create a lifelessly bland cocktail of a chase movie . when there is some occasional action  the audience seems oddly detached from it . perhaps that ', s because we ', ve already waded through a pool of clich ? s and boring dialogue ; all material that ', s been used before  and with a lot more spice . take the villains  for example . they are typical stereotypes of every terrorist that has ever walked the silver screen . they speak lines that have been recycled profusely from one movie to the next  divulge important plot details while holding their enemies at gunpoint  and act in very predictable ways . the tag - team of gooding jr . and ulrich sounds much more exciting than it is . frankly  i ', m not sure i can accept cuba as an ice cream man . i suppose it ', s better than him dressed like a giant hot dog  selling jumbo frankfurters on a street corner . gooding displays one single emotion in this movie  which is frequently on display in lines like ` i ', m gonna get on yo ass like last year ', s underwear ! ', and the incessant sputtering of ` oh  sh * t ! ', this is virtually the same character he played in jerry maguire and as good as it gets . but where gooding was once an exciting actor  he now seems dull and endlessly monotonous . at least he ', s a bit more captivating than ulrich  who has all the film ', s worst dialogue  but does nothing noticeable to enliven his character . the supporting cast  which includes every personality you expect to pop up  is also wasted . to be fair  there are a few brief moments of serviceable action . and i did chuckle a few times . one example is when ulrich ( an employee at ` darlene ', s diner ', ) is at the counter when brynner walks through the door . ` you own this place ? ', the general asks . ` yeah  ', ulrich says . ` they call me darlene . ', these little tidbits of humor are ( mainly ) welcome in this weak  disappointing wreckage of an action film . as a speed clone  it could have benefited from a lot more suspense and perhaps ( god forbid ) even some decent writing . sadly  i walked away from chill factor only wondering how much fun it could have been .
neg * * * warning - the following review contains spoilers * * * cast : gary sinise  don cheadle  connie nielsen  jerry o ', connell  kim delaney  tim robbins  elise neal  jill teed  jody thompson  bill timoney written by : jim thomas  john thomas and graham yost directed by : brian depalma running time : 115 minutes the first big event movie of 2000 turns out to be anything but . gary sinise stars as an astronaut who is removed from a mars mission when his astronaut wife  maggie ( kim delaney )  becomes ill and passes away . don cheadle is then given the mission along with a russian couple and a young hotshot . when a strange whirlwind shot from the top of a mars mountain range attacks the crew of the mission  sinise and robbins convince their superior to let them  neilsen  and o ', connell perform a rescue mission for whatever crew might be remaining . what they discover on the surface of the planet will dramatically change their lives forever ( although no one watching the film will come away profoundly affected ) . before i ever saw the film  i was aware of the promotional campaign with dr . pepper . every time i would see a bottle of the soft drink  the mission to mars logo was emblazoned upon it . little did i know that the plot would be taking a back seat to the product placement of the drink and several other products . dr . pepper saves the day at one point  and a dream sequence / flashback features jerry o ', connell shoving m & m ', s in our face . these are but a couple of the ridiculous examples of product placement scattered throughout the film . clich ? s are also the order of the day with mission to mars . dialogue and character motivations are all lifted directly from countless other science fiction films that have all done it better and with more style ( even independence day  which lifted all of it ', s premises from other sci - fi films was better than this film  and i don ', t like independence day ) . films like 2001 : a space odyssey  the abyss  and close encounters of the third kind are all blatantly stolen from ( and poorly at that ) . there is even a sequence where a rover is traveling through a canyon  and i couldn ', t help but whisper " u ', tinni " to myself and wait for a jawa to quickly hide in the rocks before the rover could get a glimpse of it . this film also features one of my all - time least favorite movie clich ? s : the " he would have wanted you to have this " moment  where one character gives another a trinket that yet another character is established as constantly having ( and is usually made fun of by the character who ends up getting all sappy over it later on ) . scenes like these always bother me when they come out of nowhere in regular films  but in a film as clich ? ridden as this  it is particularly irritating . ennio morricone ', s music is usually considered to be some of the best stuff in the projects he works on  but here it is dreadfully overbearing . his music sounds like it came straight out of a vincent price movie in certain scenes . at other times his music is unbearably over - dramatic . one sequence involving a daring spacewalk rescue is given a particularly cheesy sting when it is discovered that the grappling hook device used for the rescue won ', t reach its intended target . mission to mars is push button filmmaking to the greatest extreme . events are set into motion that are obvious to anyone who has ever seen a movie and seem like they are just there to evoke an emotional response in the audience . we are apparently supposed to be upset that tim robbins character removes his helmet in deep space and kills himself to save his wife  but i felt extreme boredom coupled with a twinge of disinterest . what makes it all worse is that fact that there is no real reason that robbins ', character needs to turn himself into a popsicle  except to invoke an emotional response ( i could think of at least one way to save him  and the nasa clowns in this film are supposed to be " smarter " than i am ) . during the finale  when we are finally introduced to the translucent  conehead  kitty - faced aliens that we ostensibly sprung from  we are presented with some of the most ridiculously cartoonish cgi ever put to film ( just slightly worse than the plane crash at the end of air force one or the hell scenes in spawn ) . a brief history lesson about " where we came from " is proffered  then sinise is whisked away to be with " the rest of our people " ( he does this because his late wife proclaims in a video he watches early on that " this is a chance to step foot where no one else has " ) . > from the press i ', ve been seeing this film receive  it is apparent that mission to mars will be dying a quick death at the theater . i ', m sure the first weekend or two will be huge  but once word gets out people will stop going . let ', s just hope the upcoming red planet is better than this and isn ', t hurt by the negativity this film is generating . i ', d venture to say it won ', t be worse than this waste of time . [ pg ]
neg retrospective : city of the living dead ( 1980 ) a film review by mike watson copyright 1997 mike watson i once heard someone describe the films of italian schlock horror director lucio fulci as " dim - witted " . and by golly  just about all other words fail me when confronted with a dog like city of the living dead . although the late fulci managed some rather good thrillers in his career  this is not one of them . two points in the movie ', s favour - the impressive camerawork of sergio salvati and occasionally evocative score by fabio frizzi - keep things from falling totally into the abyss  but by and large city of the living dead is a failure . and like most cinematic failures  it comes down to bad writing  dumb performances and lousy direction . the story starts in new york when  during a seance  a medium ( katherine mccoll ) sees a vision of a priest hanging himself in the town of dunwich  massachusetts . for reasons we won ', t go into here  this opens the gates of hell which must be closed by all saints day or the dead will rise and walk the earth . the medium apparently dies of fright during the seance  but awakens in her coffin in the graveyard the next day and is rescued by a crusty old journalist ( christopher george ) . that scene in itself is a howler : why would you bust open a coffin with a large pick axe when you know someone is alive inside ? and don ', t cadavers have various things stuffed in them and drained out of them before they ', re buried ? anyway  off the two of them go to dunwich to save the world  where various grisly goings - on are already happening as all saints day approaches . fulci ', s graphic gore is in evidence once again  but here it only serves to further highlight the film ', s flimsy script and plodding direction . the dialogue  in all manner of speaking  is unspeakable . not bad in the quotable sense  like an ed wood film  but bad in its sheer dullness or blatantly obvious " lets explain the plot " type approach . mccoll doesn ', t have a clue who her character is : deadly serious one minute  frivolous the next  she at times is genuinely hard to watch . and the geezer ( the actor ', s name escapes me ) who plays the town psychiatrist becomes even harder to stomach than mccoll as the film progresses . christopher george ', s performance is salvageable  but he gets his brains ripped out in the end by a zombie and we don ', t care . in fact we don ', t care for anyone in city of the living dead  though in other fulci films that hasn ', t mattered so much when he was on form as a stylist and an ideas man  as he was in the beyond . as a director  some of fulci ', idiosyncrasies are incredibly silly and annoying here . he constantly uses extreme close - ups of people ', s eyes  a ridiculous technique which suggests an attempt to convey the emotion that his dialogue and actors aren ', t capable of . and despite some gruesome violence  he barely manages a single scare in the entire film . long - time collaborator fabio frizzi  talented but always erratic  offers a patchy soundtrack that veers between eerie  gothic death marches and woefully inappropriate electro - pop that ', s quite frankly embarrassing . fulci ', s other films of this period may be flawed - house by the cemetery  the beyond  the black cat - but they are nonetheless films with more inspiration  atmosphere and better dialogue than this turkey . for completists only .
neg you know the plot : a dimwit with a shady past is seduced into committing a crime only to be double - crossed by a fatal femme . in " palmetto  " the dimwit is harry barber ( woody harrelson )  a reporter who ', s just been released from prison ( he was framed by the gangsters and corrupt officials he was investigating ) . enter la femme : rhea malroux ( elisabeth shue )  the sexy young wife of the richest man in palmetto  florida ( rolf hoppe ) . she and her stepdaughter odette ( chlo ? sevigny ) have a plot to extort 500k from the old man : harry will " kidnap " odette . after groping both women  harry agrees . as everyone except harry can see  he ', s being set up as a fall guy . sure enough  before long  harry has a dead body in his trunk and the cops on his tail . his brother - in - law ( tom wright )  an assistant da  has hired harry to be the press liaison for the case  so harry gets a front row seat for his own manhunt ( and we get to watch him sweat - literally ) . there are several plot twists  of course - a couple of them even took me by surprise . apparently every woman in palmetto is a raving horndog  and they ', re on harry like he ', s the only bone in the kennel . shue vamps so broadly that i expected tex avery ', s wolf to show up . her incredible performance in " leaving las vegas " seems to have been a fluke . here  she could easily be mistaken for melanie griffith . shue ', s character is supposed to be a savvy schemer but she comes off as a brainless bimbo . in addition to shue and sevigny  the kennel includes gina gershon ( who filled the dimwit - with - a - shady - past role in " bound " ) as harry ', s girlfriend nina ; when harry gets out of jail  she licks his face ( now there ', s a horndog ) . the parts are so overplayed that with a little push " palmetto " could have been an over - the - top parody of film noir a la " romeo is bleeding . " as it is  it ', s best watched at 2am on showtime ( the love scenes seem to have been written for one of that channel ', s soft porn programs anyway ) . " palmetto " has a well - known director  volker schl ? ndorff  who ', s best known for his adaptations of major literary works  especially " the tin drum . " i suppose he must have been drawn to this plot - by - numbers script by the same admiration for classic film noir that led scorsese to remake " cape fear . " schl ? ndorff tries hard - he makes an interesting motif out of the ubiquitous palmetto bugs - but nothing can freshen up this stale script .
neg the comet - disaster flick is a disaster alright . directed by tony scott ( top gun )  it tells the story about an asteroid the size of texas caught on a collision course with earth . and you thought that dinky little comet in deep impact was trouble . jeez . after a great opening  in which an american spaceship  plus the city of new york  are completely destroyed by a comet shower  nasa detects the said asteroid and go into a frenzy . they hire the world ', s best oil driller ( bruce willis )  and send him and his crew up into space to fix our globel problem . that ', s like sending a mouse into a cat carrier  isn ', t it ? the action in armageddon are so over the top  nonstop  and too ludicrous for words  i had to sigh and hit my head with my notebook a couple of times . i was not alone . plus  to see a wonderful actor like billy bob thornton is a film like armageddon is a waste of the actor ', s talents . the film is just a reel to show off a bunch of snazzy fx shots . the only real reason for making this film was to somehow out - perform deep impact . producer jerry bruckheimer fails with armageddon .
neg years ago  robin williams made _jumanji_  a brilliant achievement in special effects  but a travesty on nearly every other level . the same can be said for _what dreams may come_  a boring  illogical  weepie - wannabe that left my senses numb . don ', t get me wrong : i love breathtaking special effects and pulse - pounding imagery . _brazil_ is on my personal top ten . _the city of lost children_ is a great film because of its outlandish scenarios . i even love _2001_ and _last year at marienbad_  being in the minority amidst my friends . _what dreams may come_  imagery aside  has little daring thought to complement its imagery . the daring thought it _does_ have is never fully realized . it ', s idea of a plot is so lukewarm  that it insults the bigger questions it raises . it would have been better if the filmmakers rid the film of the live action sequences  put on an electronica soundtrack  and sell it as one of those popular _mind ', s eye_ videos . robin williams plays chris nielsen  who dies too prematurely -- not only in the story  but before we have a chance to really know and care for him . the director  vincent ward  and the screenwriter ronald bass  have chosen to tell his life story in flashbacks while having the foreground story focus on his experience with the afterlife . big mistake . it would have been far better to take the half - hour or so needed to tell his life story first ( ala _it ', s a wonderful life_ )  so that i can build up respect for him  so i could know and possibly care for him  his children  and his long - suffering wife ( played superbly by annabella sciorra ) . instead  the filmmakers insult my intelligence by rushing into the story  expecting that the film to grow in depth as it progresses . it doesn ', t . so in the afterlife  chris learns that ( a ) people still don ', t meet god  ( b ) that our thoughts are reality  and ( c ) time does not exist there . hmm . . . i + ll grant one of those silly giant ideas for the sake of the narrative . ( the " not meeting god " part still irks at me  but perhaps there was no possible way to film it and give it due respect ) . that said  this alternate reality still makes no possible sense . read on . . . chris ', wife commits suicide . since suicides go to hell  chris would be separated from his wife forever . the important question is  is heaven really heaven if you are separated from the one you love ? good question . and i like good thought - provoking questions . i don + t like it when the filmmakers deviate from the question . i _loathe_ it when the filmmakers deviate from the question so that the film becomes a popular rescue film  especially a rescue film which does not take its underlying premise seriously . i _really_ loathe it when it + s story is no longer run by logic  but by special effects . hey chris : did you forget ? your thoughts are _real_ . they are more _real_ than the physical world  according to the new - age screenplay . so  why don + t you conjure up positive thoughts of annie  and let that run wild ? and then she would appear before you  and you two would live in happy bliss for eternity ? because there would be no movie  that + s why . and albert the angel ( played by miscast cuba gooding  jr . ) says bluntly : " that + s fantasy . " umm . . . if your thoughts are more real than the physical  then fantasy is not fantasy  but real . surely some eastern meditation specialist would be able to tell you that . and if you happen to think that you are an unimaginative person  and that your thoughts aren ', t big enough to sustain you for eternity  well  in all due respect  that ', s why i don ', t subscribe to this theology . all due respect . another idea  based on " time  ( pause )  does not exist here ! " so chris  spend your eternity with annie  as she is on earth  reliving your favorite memories  or hang out with her when she was growing up . you + ve got eternity : perhaps you can hang around long enough and learn not to freak her out . and forcing her to write " i still exist " in her diary  imo  is just too tacky . there are many other ideas  all of which are a hundred times better than what + s unraveled in the plot . the great aforementioned question is sidetracked into gimmicky subplots that have been done before  and just come out stale . most insulting is the subplot where important people in chris + life appear in heaven differently than he expects  so when they finally show themselves  he realizes they were with him all along . and when this happens  the film runs in slow motion  as if to build emotion . _gag me with a spoon_ . so the only things for me to like are sciorra + s effective performance  who rises far above this mundane material  and the special effects . please note that while i enjoyed some of the visuals  i did not enjoy _all_ of them : some of the images looked like sandy duncan universe  everybody floating up and down in invisible strings . it sounds like a joke  but it + s really true : i really tried to block out the dialogue  and figure out what music would best work as an alternative soundtrack . my vote goes to a rare cd called " never say die " ( 1981 ) from petra  a christian rock group . it + s pretty good  and they have a song about annie  who commits suicide . ( it + s too late for annie / she + s gone away for good / there + s so much we ', d have told her / and now we wish we could / but it + s too late . . . ) . melancholic  yes . depressing  yes . but far more entertaining . . . so  in case you don + t know  let me be straight . suicide -- bad . _don + t do it_ . no . no . no . ( got it ? -- you shouldn + t have to pay $ 7 . 50 to hear this in an awful robin williams schmaltzfest . )
neg the original _babe_ was my favorite movie of 1995  a sleeper hit that transcended its target audience . being a surprise commercial and critical success  it had no marketing tie - ins  which limited its final take . thus  babe 2 arrives  with a budget greater than the money made in babe 1 . plush dolls  vending machines hawking t - shirts  and macy ', s thanksgiving day balloons arrive for holiday money - grubbing . too late . this is a sad review to write  because babe 2 not only does _not_ live up to the original  but it doesn ', t even come to a fraction of it . i shouldn ', t expect that sequels to modern fairy tales to match their predecessors ', magic  but this film tries too hard  and loses its charm . consider a driver applying the accelerator with great intensity  unaware that his car is in neutral . imagine with me  if you will  _scream_ ', s jamie kennedy  explaining the " rules " for sequels like babe 2 . ( 1 ) there must be _more_ talking animals . ( 2 ) there must be _more_ slapstick comedy . ( 3 ) there must be _more_ songs for those mice to sing : that ', s cute . ( 4 ) keep the story cards to break up the action : that ', s cute too  even though " the pig gets wise " made no sense  given the context of that story partition . ( 5 ) there must be action  however illogical  that will conjure up pivotal scenes from the original : the trademark song that nobody remembers the words to  the baa - ram - ewe secret code  the " that ', ll do  pig . that ', ll do . " now throw in the limitations : ( a ) james cromwell  now a hot commodity  has limited time on the set ( or maybe he didn ', t approve of the script ) . ( b ) christine cavanaugh  the voice of the original babe  demands more money ( $ 200  000 -- paltry considering the $ 80 million budget ) . out . e . g . daily comes in with noticable results . ( c ) george miller  the director  is more well - known for his dark futuristic mad max films and his twilight zone segment  not for kiddie fare ( and no  he didn ', t direct that _andre_ film in ', 94 ) . ( d ) the special effects are impressive  _but limited_ . babe talks  but most of the time from a single shot  repeated over and over again . ( babe is center screen  looking straight into the camera  with a happy smirk -- regardless of whether he ', s happy  or scared  or tired ) . season now with the " original " elements  which  as we will find out  are straight from the screenwriting - is - hell bin . ( i ) change the venue into " the big city " . this has been praised as wildly original . excuse me : didn ', t _home alone_ do this several years ago ? how about the muppets ? even _the bad news bears_ travelled to tokyo . sorry . no dice . side note : to give the city a fairy - tale look  george miller crafted a fantastical fantasyland that merges the landmarks of the world ', s great cities  and yes  it _is_ impressive . but this too is over - used  repeating the same view over and again on multiple occasions . and  for the most part  babe _remains in the hotel_ . ( ii ) given the limitations of cromwell  the human element is taken over by " the boss ', wife " played by magda szubanski . s - t - r - e - t - c - h . she ', s not a lead actress - type  she ', s not funny enough in her physical comedy  and she ', s simply embarrassing in some of her pratfalls . ( have her arrested falsely on drug charges ! have her accidentally incite a riot with biker dudes and scantily clad babes ! have her bounce around on a bungee cord at a prestigious benefit dinner ! ) i was hoping for a little smirk during these scenes  but i felt sorry for the embarrassment that she put herself in . i am restraining myself from talking about the dark nature of the film  the violence  the scene where a pit bull dangles from the bridge  head submerged underwater . even the best fairy tales have a bit of the macabre in it  as the brothers grimm have demonstrated . no . . . my problem is with the story  or lack thereof . _babe_ is sent out to save the hoggett farm  but once in the city  that story is forgotten . being a good - natured pig in the midst of the cynicism of his environs is nice  but  other than rescue that aforementioned pit bull  what did babe actually _do_ ? without giving the ending away  the farm is saved from a left - field quirk that had nothing to do with the pig . speaking of " pig "  or  " pig - pig - pig - pig - pig ! " . the word " pig " is so overused  had they changed it to an expletive  and had the pig be al pacino  i could have been watching _scarface_ . this is screenwriting ? further  i cannot explain the deep gnaw at my gut in the many scenes where accidents happen to good people in fantastically elaborate setups . had it been a cartoon  and the victim be an equivalent of elmer fudd  maybe my reaction would have been softened . but to farmer hoggett ? his wife ? an elderly mickey rooney ? much too irreverent . ( " quick ! splice those singing mice into those scenes ! " ) . the film isn ', t a colossal failure . i did like glenne headley ', s schmoozy chimpanzee . i liked the pink poodle . the dog on the cart  who momentarily thinks he ', s in dog heaven . and a weird looking guy who may have been doubly - cast as an airport employee and a judge . but most of the time  i was looking down  in boredom  or in embarrassment over the hacked - up script . them singing mice  those chapter partitions  the proficient acting of the animals -- none of these can compensate for a story . let me spoil the final scene : farmer hoggett looks at pig  proud  says " that ', ll do  pig . that ', ll do . " that ', s it . hope i didn ', t ruin it for you . but tell me this : what the heck did that pig _do_ ?
neg at first i was intrigued by the strange cast and odd creatures on the galaxy quest trailer  but that was before i saw the film . now my view has completely changed . it ', s time to embrace for impact  because this is a very bumpy ride . the story begins with the cast of galaxy quest including : jason nesmith ( tim allen )  alexander dane ( alan rickman )  gwen demarco ( sigourney weaver ) signing autographs at a convention . they meet fans who dress up in costumes  fans who worship the ground they walk on  and a group of aliens called thermians who believe that they are the ultimate saviors against the dreaded alien colony lead by sarris ( robin sachs ) . of course they are unaware of this until they actually begin performing their duties  and meet the ugly aliens themselves . thus begins the long adventure to help save the thermians . the movie plays like a really bad star trek episode  in fact it ', s worse . i don ', t even think trekkies will appreciate this weak spoof  because quite frankly it ', s just not funny . all the jokes are basically collected observations from the series . one such continuous joke involves a simple crew member who believes he will die in space  because no extra on the tv show ever lives  as proven in the star trek series . creative jokes like this may seem like a clever idea  but not when they are used to death . a person can only take so much . we do not need to be tortured  especially when you have to pay for it . it ', s pretty bad when even tim allen is pitiful . it ', s not like i expected an oscar worthy performance form him  but a few laughs would have been helpful . speaking of acting  2 fine talents were wasted as well . sigourney weaver was here to show cleavage  well at least it worked . it ', s pretty bad when the only entertaining value of the film is cleavage . it just shows you how disgraceful the film really is . alan rickman however was not so lucky . after his last hit ( dogma ) he embarrasses himself by doing this sloppy mess . it ', s just a shame to see talented actors and actresses throw their ability away . when the film couldn ', t get any worse  thankfully some nice special effects pop up . like many big blockbusters ( armageddon  the haunting to name a few ) they rely heavily on effects to help boost the film ', s box office results . times it works  but unfortunately we have to shell out hard earned money and suffer through this junk . when will it stop ? i am getting tired of being suckered into seeing such trash . it may look fine and dandy  but we need to at least have a story . is that too much to ask ? obviously it is . when galaxy quest finally ends  it literally crash lands . aside from the impressive looking creatures from industrial light and magic  it ', s an embarrassment to the cast  and it ', s embarrassing to the science fiction genre . it ', s not the least bit fun  nor was it entertaining . the only place where this movie belongs is to infinity and beyond .
neg the makers of spawn have created something almost as vacuous as this summer ', s other comic book adaptation  batman and robin . both films make the mistake of adapting for the screen not only the look of their graphic counterparts  but also their monosyllabic dialogue and empty - headed character motivations . in panel - sized morsels  implausible plots and " rambo " - esque dialogue are often overshadowed by the artwork  but on thirty foot silver screens  it ', s much more difficult to dismiss the shallowness behind the pretty pictures . spawn is ostensibly about an assassin named simmons ( white ) who is framed by a corporate baddie ( played without irony by sheen )  then set on fire and left for dead . though the movie skimps on the next few plot points  here ', s what i could determine : said assassin then becomes the leader of satan ', s army  under the tutelage of a flatulating midget named clown ( leguizamo  grating as always ) . he is renamed  for reasons unbeknownst  spawn  and granted a really cool costume that enables him to become something of a human chameleon . but when spawn spies on a birthday party for his child  he realizes that he can ', t be the evil superdemon he ', s expected to be  and he sets about avenging his untimely death . typical of summer blockbusters  spawn is an effects - laden ninety minute rock video . while the visions of hell are laughably crude ( think the virtual reality sequences of the lawnmower man )  spawn ', s prehensile outfit and the action sequences are truly something to behold . but the storytelling is completely lacking in emotion ( spawn longs for his wife  but they don ', t have a single scene together before simmons ', death ! )  conflict ( who will triumph is not anybody ', s guess )  and believability ( not that i expected it ) . so many questions are left unanswered  and i ', m sure they won ', t be addressed in the inevitable sequel . while last year ', s the crow : city of angels suffered similar problems with its narrative ( which was lazy and somewhat incoherent )  it had atmosphere to spare and genuine moments of hypnotic power . spawn is an in - your - face  screaming banshee of a film ; these guys know how to graft a comic book onto celluloid  but they haven ', t the faintest idea how to make a movie .
neg phaedra cinema  the distributor of such never - heard - of classics as " soft toilet seats  " " trailer : the movie  " and " the one armed boxer vs . the flying guillotine  " has sneaked its latest release  " the sculptress  " into a few theaters this weekend hoping to cash in on a handful of halloween holidaygoers looking for a right good scare . " the sculptress " is a scary proposition all right  but not in the way its producers intended . from the outset it ', s easy to see why some of the larger  more reputable chains aren ', t carrying it : the film looks like a straight - to - video release from the early ', 80s that ', s been dusted off ( not very carefully ) and re - issued in theatrical format . that staple of schlocky z - movies jeff fahey ( " the lawnmower man " ) plays a washed - up shakespearean actor lacking in some basic people skills . when he ', s not reliving his glory days in his ramshackle nob hill apartment  screaming scotch - induced " hamlet " soliloquies well into the night  he ', s out and about on the streets of san francisco stalking loose women . fahey ', s dobie sizes up his victims ( actually just one  a peep show performer name of sylvie ) dressed like one of the guys from kraftwerk  and approaches them in the ridiculous attire of a bavarian count replete with a cane  dark glasses  and a false beard ( just in time for halloween ! ) . " do you have a castle ? " sylvie asks dobie seductively when he flashes the bulging contents of his wallet outside a coffee shop . " jah . with ze many turrets " is dobie ', s perplexing reply . the real " star " of the film ( and i use that term extremely loosely ) is katie wright  who plays the sculptress of the title . sarah is new in town  studying at the prestigious sf art institute under the mentorship of a " genius " frenchman  played by the beret - wearing patrick bauchau . that ', s convenient  because sarah would one day like to live and work in paris ( you won ', t believe the film ', s final shot  with its cheesy eiffel tower backdrop and " rosemary ', s baby " - inspired imagery ) . bauchau ', s character criticizes sarah ', s work publicly ( her clay busts keep turning into gargoyles -- perhaps she ', s possessed . . . by an incubus ! ! ? ) but he still manages to talk her into dinner . whereas wright does a decent english accent  her talents pretty much end there . on the other side of the wall  dobie ', s troubled past is succinctly summarized in a scene in which he thumbs through an old scrapbook of newspaper clippings with headings like " actor delivers a stunning macbeth  " actor courted by hollywood studio  " " actor renounces hollywood for priesthood  " and " prostitute fingers priest in sex scandal . " the film ', s plot could have been just as easily condensed . " artist moves in next door to shakespearean psychopath . " " yawns ensue . " so dobie rants and raves and sarah chips away at large blocks of granite till way past their bedtimes . late in the film  their paths finally cross with mind - numbing results . nobody else in the apartment complex appears to mind all the racket  but one old dear does go ballistic when sarah ', s bathtub overflows . no  we don ', t see wright in the tub ( or fahey for that matter )  and the gore quotient is virtually nil  so for a horror film " the sculptress " is surprisingly lacking . the only thing worth looking at is san francisco  and writer / director ian merrick manages to make even it look dreary  windswept  and deserted . " the sculptress " isn ', t even bad enough to be fun . luckily  a limited release has made it easy to avoid .
neg here is a movie that sadly follows the hong kong - recipe of moviemaking and storytelling to the letter . these kinds of movies are marked by an eye - opening sequence that introduces us to the main characters ; a life - and - death plot in which these characters become involved ; the inclusion of a host of inconsequential characters ; ridiculous subplots  and sunglass - wearing henchmen . that is not to say that i don ', t like hong kong influenced movies ; however  it is quite obvious that these moviemakers haven ', t a clue that the american filmgoer needs more than hip - hop - talking thugs and stupid sight gags . observe the opening sequence . a band of hitmen are about to storm an apartment  led by melvin ( mark wahlberg ) and cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) . they are waiting for their partner to cut off the power so that they can storm the apartment with the help of infrared goggles . however  their partner is unsure of which cable to cut . he is undecided . this happens for about 10 seconds . the audience finds some humor in his foolishness . the lights suddenly go out . cisco is surprised and says : " whoa . . . let ', s go ! " and they storm the apartment in a very nicely executed sequence . the big hit of the title refers to a kidnapping that happens a quarter of the way through the film . needing cash  cisco devises a plan to kidnap the daughter ( china chow ) of wealthy japanese industrialist jiro nishi . however  the daughter is also the god - daughter of paris ( avery brooks )  who is cisco ', s and melvin ', s boss . infuriated and insufferable  paris commands cisco to uncover the mastermind of the kidnapping . during his ', investigation ',  cisco singles out melvin as the ringleader  and paris orders his capture and execution . melvin must now find a way to stay alive . by the way  do you know how the investigation takes place ? cisco ', s partner makes the ransom phone call believing that his call will not be traced because of a trace buster that prevents tracing . but  mr . nishi has a trace buster buster . to counter that  cisco ', s partner has a trace buster buster buster . but nishi has a trace buster buster buster buster . and so on . . . there is no doubt that this is an interesting world in which they live . and there are lots of issues that we ', d like to know more about . how does melvin justify his profession to his fiancee ? what goes on among this clique ? why is cisco at odds with melvin ? there is actually a lot of potential material that could have been explored  but it seems that no effort is made to go in that direction  and instead we are given a not - so - engrossing plot filled with one - liners  silly sight gags  extraneous sub - plots and tomfoolery . and  i haven ', t even mentioned his financee ', s visiting parents who want them to separate  nor melvin ', s mistress  nor the pimple - faced video clerk demanding the return of an overdue video and on and on and on . if the big hit signals the future of hong kong style movies that are made for american audiences  then shoot me now .
neg after the huge success of " the exorcist " in 1973 a sequel was inevitable  and sadly like most horror fims that make money  the filmmakers decided to make a ridiculous sequel  that makes absolutely no sense at all  and to me was extremely pointless  wasting linda blair and max von sydow completely . needless  dumb sequel flopped in the box office  and never gained much success though it is voted as one of the worst sequels of all time  to which i agree with . to start the " story " it is four years later  and regan is being tormented by memories of what used to be  now a priest played by richard burton  is trying to figure out why this demon tried to possess regan  and now the demon somehow wants to possess her again ( maybe she was good or something ) . now they must try to stop this demon from taking over regan ', s body  before it is too late . some of the bad things exorcist ii has in it is : linda blair  she had no need to revive her character  and she is really terrible in this film  she brings it down to a lull  and in places it seems like it just stops in its place  and doesn ', t go anywhere . louise fletcher is alright for what it ', s worth  but she could have done a lot better than this . the direction by john boorman  is that of a confused  stylish nature that i really couldn ', t figure out . in fact  i had no idea what was going on in this film  the script was jumbled  the plot was jumbled  and the ending is just laugh out loud hilariosly bad . for those exorcist fans who haven ', t seen this one  i recommend renting it . i actually gave this one a high rating  if it were any worse it would have deserved zero pumpkins  i went easy on it however because of the fact that it has a bit of good direction  but nothing else ! im not saying i like the film now  so dont start going anywhere . bad  bad  bad movie .
neg the people who populate the movie 54 are shallow  self - absorbed and self - indulgent . in other words  they perfectly mirror the era as well as the movie this feature depicts . 54 is the story of that well - publicized new york disco  studio 54  the in - place in the ', 70s where anybody who was anybody went to be ogled  photographed and pampered . the difficulty with 54  which was written and directed by mark christopher  is that his script takes no point of view . christopher neither condemns nor glorifies the legendary excesses that were studio 54 ', s hallmark . he keeps an uninvolved distance  thus keeping us from forming any emotional attachment with any of the protagonists . the movie ', s one main asset is the surprising performance by mike myers as steve rubell  the famous owner of the nightspot . he is part rebel  part dreamer  part shrewd entrepreneur . he ', s smart enough and childlike enough to pander to the dreams and desires of his clientele  yet stupid enough to brag on tv about hiding profits from the irs . myers  in his first straight character part  is in turn appealing and appalling . at one moment he can try to pressure a male employee into a sexual situation  then at the next moment apologize for his bad behavior and offer the young man a handful of cash . the story is told by shane o ', shea ( ryan phillippe )  a new jersey lad who dreams of crossing the river to the big apple . shades of john travolta ', s brooklyn - bound tony in saturday night fever . eventually  shane does come to new york  attracts rubell ', s eye and is admitted to the promised land . his looks get him a job as a busboy  and he is later promoted to the prestigious position of bartender  where he mixes with and makes drinks for the rich and famous . shane ', s dream is to meet soap star julie black ( neve campbell )  a fellow garden stater . but both characters are so sketchily drawn that even when they do hook up  it ', s no big deal . the chemistry between shane and julie is nonexistent . 54 is a very cold  uninvolving movie . it ', s all strobe lights and glitz  all substance . it ', s sort of like the musical era it covers .
neg i ', ve always been a kevin kline fan  silverado  fish called wanda  pirates of penzance  and even his hamlet on pbs ', great performances . the minute i saw the trailer for this film  i resolved to see it . besides the fact that kline starred  it looked like a hilarious film . i got sucker punched by the trailer to an extent  however  as i also thought  " wow  if there ', s this much funny stuff in the trailer  there must be a ton of laughs in the rest of the film . " ( oops ) i packed up the wife and headed to les cinemas del diablo ( my name for our local multi - multi - plex . ) the film began . . . . the film concerns an english / drama teacher at a suburban high school  named howard brackett . he loves poetry and great literary works  but his class is more interested in his famous former student  played by matt dillon . ( i ', d put in his name  but my wife won ', t let me take notes during a movie and i ', ve forgotten it . ) they continually interrupt his long poetic expositions with fawning questions about him . brackett has been engaged to another teacher ( played by joan cusack ) for three years  and has finally gotten up the gumption to marry her . the wedding  however  becomes the big question mark of the film as this famous student of his says during the live oscar broadcast that brackett is a homosexual . kline spends most of the first two - thirds of the film frantically trying to convince everyone that he isn ', t . the whole town begins to examine every detail of his life and begins to identifying all those things that confirm his sexual preference . his closest friends don ', t help matters  bringing nothing but barbara streisand laserdiscs to his stag party . there are some genuinely hilarous moments  one involving a tape geared towards helping men assert their masculinity . kline is hounded by a gay reporter played by tom selleck  who waxes poetic on the benefits of coming out  while at the same time doing his best to exploit the situation for his own sleazy tabloid machinations . the movie moves along fine and slowly builds to the climax of the wedding . kline stands at the altar and is asked to take his vows . . . if you want to be surprised  don ', t read  i am going to reveal the ending . . . . instead of saying " i do " in front of his parents and most of the town  and even some cameras  he says " i ', m gay . " this is where the movie  in my opinion falls apart . most of the humor in the film had come from kline ', s insistence that he was straight  while at the same time  loving poetry and being a senstivie guy  dressing well  and occaisionally acting prissy . it reminded me of the " effeminate heterosexual " sketch from saturday night live . it was funny  it was sustainably funny  and kline ', s performance made it doubly so . however  after the wedding  the film drags on . they should have attempted to come to a quick conclusion  but it then gets into the serious side of what he ', s done . he reconciles with his parents and his friends  some of which had turned on him . there are several scenes which seemed like a waste of time  the scene with his mother and her friends  which was hilarious  seemed pointless  and the scene with tom selleck in the bar with joan seemed pointless . finally  even though i am not catholic  i found the scene with the priest to be condescending . the preist cannot believe that a man was engaged for three years and had not consumated the relationship  proclaiming to brackett in the third person  " he ', s gay . " it got a chuckle from the audience  but i was distracted by it  and began to tire of the film . by the time the wedding had come and gone  i found myself hoping it would be over soon . ( much like this review you are saying ) overall  if i have to quantify it  i say  rising action gets * * * * and climax and falling action gets . see it in economy time .
neg a month ago i wrote that speed 2 was the worst film i ', ve ever reviewed on paper . i didn ', t know at the time that i ', d soon encounter and despise batman & robin  which has just overtaken speed 2 as the picture least worthy of your attention this summer . as directed by joel schumacher ( who now specializes in batman sequels and john grisham adaptations and isn ', t very good at either )  b & r is one long excuse for a taco bell promotion . the plot  which has mr . freeze and poison ivy ( uma thurman ) planning to take over gotham city and then " the vorld " ( as an oddly ineffective schwarzenegger states )  is weighted down by repetitive asides about the nature of trust  partnership  blah  blah  blah . but morals are not the point of this film -- topping each bloated  confusing action scene with next one is . the garish art direction and overlit cinematography make this picture oddly comparable to the trashy showgirls . since when did gotham city become a giant las vegas hotel ? only george clooney comes out on top ; he underplays nicely and pretends like he ', s in a real movie .
neg call " hush " " stop or my mom will kill . " or " mommy fearest . " or " the hand that robs the cradle . " call it whatever you want  but certainly don ', t see it unless you ', re in desperate need of a bad movie - induced chuckle -- " hush " scores so many unintentional guffaws that it almost qualifies as a guilty pleasure . chalk its losses up to frequent stupidity lapses and apparent post - production tinkering ( it was supposed to open about a year ago )  the latter of which appears to have given " hush " a send - off that ', s downright infuriating . it ', s too bad that " hush " is so laughable  because the on - screen talent -- including the pairing of gwyneth paltrow and jessica lange -- is nothing to laugh at . paltrow and johnathon schaech play helen and jackson  a photogenic new york couple on their way to spend christmas vacation at his wealthy  well - to - do family ', s horse farm / estate kilronan . jackson ', s mother martha ( lange ) runs kilronan all by herself  and her genteel southern hospitality makes helen feel welcome immediately -- even if her first meeting with martha takes place while helen is in the altogether  caught red - handed after a bedroom romp with her husband - to - be . but it seems that martha ', s friendly smile masks a much more threatening demeanor ; she ', s what you ', d call someone who loves too much . martha eagerly  deviously wants a grandchild  and then helen will be expendable  as far as she ', s concerned . if there ', s one reason to catch " hush  " it ', s lange . she treats the pedestrian screenplay better than it deserves to be treated  injecting martha ( poorly written though she may be ) with a little empathy to level out the psycho - playing field . when she delves into martha ', s dark side  predictable cliches -- chain - smoking  staring in mirrors  praying in a confessional to a priest who isn ', t there  poking a hole in helen ', s diaphragm so she ', ll become pregnant ( and she does ) -- abound  but it ', s moderately entertaining junk because lange is such an interesting actress to watch . veteran performer nina foch is smart and tart as jackson ', s wheelchair - bound paternal grandmother . the rest of the cast looks ill and uncomfortable  especially paltrow . but can you really blame them ? the character relationships in " hush " hold a certain amount of promise  at least until their psychological impact is blown out of the water by sheer stupidity . idiotic situations ( martha yells at a nearby horse so it will bolt up and knock helen over ) compliment idiotic dialogue ( " why did you yell ? " helen yells back at martha )  and the film takes the form of one of the shoddier fill in the blank - from - hell flicks ever made . you can see through a great deal of martha ', s actions and lies from their conception ; why do people who have known this woman for years longer than we have never figure things out ? does nobody communicate or read the newspaper in this town ? if any of her potential victims thought  acted or behaved like normal people  " hush " would be a really short movie . and then there ', s the climax and ending  which abruptly come when helen starts having contractions after eating some pound cake spiked with a labor - inducing drug normally used on horses . after a really weird chase scene  martha calmly knits in a rocking chair while forcing helen to give birth in a bed all by herself . i won ', t spoil what happens next except to say that it ', s contradictory  illogical and ( probably  since i ', m no doctor ) medically impossible . the final scene offers no closure  no resolution  no confrontation whatsoever . it ', s just there  dangling amidst silent displeasure . no one should like this ending  regardless of their feelings on the preceding material . perhaps " hush " ', s title is a plea to silence its audience ', s likely bitter word of mouth while exiting the theater .
neg a big  busy boxing satire with a surprisingly paltry punch  the great white hype stars samuel l . jackson as a shameless boxing promoter whose plan to boost sagging pay - per - view revenues is to " invent " a white contender ( peter berg ) to challenge his black heavyweight " champ " ( damon wayans ) . ( the logic is that people will pay more to see black vs . white than black vs . black . ) he may be right  in an absurdly accurate way  but the film doesn ', t give us a reason to care . as a scathing sports spoof  hype is just that : unfunny  unfocused  and  at times  just plain pointless . as a commentary on race relations  it ', s even * less * effective . the dialogue is the best of this mess  lines like jon lovitz exclaiming " i cannot make caviar out of fish eggs ! " writers tony hendra and ron shelton also do good on the street slang  though we never hear enough of it . the script isn ', t strong enough  though  to support the aggressive camera work of director reginald hudlin ( house party ) . he comes across as absolute overkill . the great white hype * almost * turns around at the end  at the big match  when hudlin attempts an extended gag of rock - concert proportions . with costumed dwarfs  gangsta rappers  and the " champ " dressed as death  only then do we get a glimpse of the spoof that should ', ve been .
neg i know there were times during this movie that i laughed pretty hard . the problem is  i can ', t remember them as i write this review . that ', s not a good sign . in booty call  jamie foxx is bunz  a character whom i can ', t really describe  because i don ', t know that much about him . i only know that he likes to shoot dice on the sidewalk  and that he doesn ', t like relationships  just " booty calls " at three in the morning ( no questions  no commitment ) . bunz has a best friend named rushon ( tommy davidson )  who seems to be bunz ', s direct opposite : on the straight and narrow  and currently in a long - term commitment ( a whole seven weeks  wow ! ) . rushon wants to finally sleep with his girlfriend  nikki ( tamala jones )  but for a reason which is not totally explained  it ', s going to happen after a double date with bunz and nikki ', s friend lysterine ( vivica a . fox )  who have never met . to make a long story short  the two couples pair off and spend the rest of the evening having their attempts to do the deed spoiled by nikki ', s obsession with safe sex . first she wants condoms  so bunz and rushon go out and get them . oh  no  they have to be latex  not lambskin . back to the store . now they ', ve got to get dental dams  or there ', ll be no foreplay . why are both couples stopped each time nikki makes a demand ? nikki phones lysterine  who lives across the hall  and tells her she ', d better be making these demands  too . talk about coitus interruptus . booty call is a film that does not know whether it wants to be a regular comedy or one of those over - the - top comedies . the difference between the two is that in the latter  things constantly happen which are so far removed from reality . in this category  for example  you have ace ventura : private eye on the mild side  and airplane ! at the extreme . there are times during booty call where the film steps out of its shell and tries for this status  but then too often quickly retreats to the safety of convention . it is disappointing  and even worse  distracting . there are also instances where the screenplay by takashi bufford and bootsie parker ( are those real names ? ) does not live up to its potential  as jokes are left unexploited or even ruined by bad writing . for instance  there is a scene where our main characters are in a chinese restaurant . bunz goes up to an asian gangster and speaks to him in fluent cantonese  much to everyone ', s surprise . however  when asked how he learned the language  he goes into this explanation of how he started picking up words from late - night kung - fu films  and soon gained mastery . this negated the ludicrousness of the entire scene . if  on the other hand  when asked how he learned to speak chinese  bunz simply replied with  " kung - fu movies  " and then moved on  the joke would have been much more effective . this is because it would have been totally unbelievable  but funny because we know it is unbelievable . by explaining the point and trying to make the ridiculous plausible  the film is not giving its viewers enough credit . the inconsistency and uncertain believability unfortunately also raise other questions . why are two such disparate people like bunz and rushon best friends ? why do rushon and nikki fix up bunz and lysterine ? if nikki is so obsessed with safe sex  why doesn ', t she have some condoms at her own apartment ? these questions are not answered by the screenplay  but are overlooked for the sole reason of moving the plot forward . a very noticeable quality of booty call is the prevalence of unnecessary foul language . some movies use a lot of swear words  but use them under very justifiable circumstances  as when they are employed consistent with a character ', s pattern of speech . other films  such as the recent jackie brown  use them in ways that almost parody themselves . booty call just sticks them in to get laughs  and it doesn ', t work . they stick out like sore thumbs because there is almost no reason to use them . half of the scenes seem to occur for no reason . the chinese restaurant  a holdup at a convenience store  and a trip to the hospital seem to have nothing to do with the story  and are in there for filler . this is surprising  considering that the film is less than eighty minutes long . it ', s too bad that the core of the film isn ', t much better  since it is comprised of sometimes funny  but forgettable dialog . i refer you to the first paragraph of this review .
neg retelling the classic story of joan of arc has been a popular trend this year . earlier this may  leelee sobieski played the passionate title role in the top - rated miniseries that debuted on cbs . and now  director luc besson has delivered his version of the sweeping epic about the teenage girl supposedly sent by god to rescue france from the clutches of their enemies . starring milla jovovich  who is predominantly unconvincing as the heavenly messenger accused of being a witch  ` the messenger : the story of joan of arc ', is a disjointed and overblown historical re - enactment that prevails merely as a bloated mistreatment of the famous legend . besson ( who ', s previous work includes the hyperactive sci - fi ` the fifth element ', ) perhaps entrusted a bit too much faith in ex - wife jovovich  because in ` the messenger ',  the actress is drowning in a pool of her own inexperience . at first  when reports were indicating that jovovich had been chosen for such a demanding role  i was highly doubtful that her marginal talent could carry a film of such a caliber . after seeing the rousing trailer  my hesitant optimism suddenly skyrocketed - milla jovovich looked superb . with the hopeful propulsion of her stellar performance  ` the messenger ', looked like a timeless epic in the making . a timeless epic it is not . besson is hesitant to abandon his unique and flashy style  and the story behind ` the messenger ', is not entirely suited to his demands . on the shoulders of besson ', s choppy and unexciting direction  the film dissipates into an uninspiring hodgepodge of poorly executed battle sequences and bizarre imagery . there is no human exploration into the character of joan ( or jeanne ) . jovovich merely rambles on about the power of god when we have little or no insight into her visionary objective . jovivich ', s unsatisfying portrayal only helps lead to the realization that besson sees jeanne as a piece of spiritual cardboard . she is just another special effect in this continuous visual feast . jovovich does have a few isolated moments of sheer power  but mainly  she looks lost . quite frankly  i don ', t know of any actress who could successfully navigate her way through ` the messenger ', without a major fumble . the script is chock - full of laughable dialogue and unfortunate comedy  as jeanne confronts the uncrowned king charles vii ( john malkovich ) and informs him of her heavenly intentions . faye dunaway plays charles ', overbearing mother - in - law  and dustin hoffman appears over two - hours into the story as a character dubbed ? the conscience ', . all three actors juggle limited screen time  although malkovich is uncharacteristically awful . the battle scenes are extremely bloody  but with the presence of such jittery camera work  they capture none of the excitement or finesse of something like ` braveheart ', . there ', s a particularly graphic and unsettling scene early on  when jeanne ( as a young girl ) watches in horror from a closet as her older sister is murdered and then savagely raped by a bloodthirsty english soldier . even his fellow troopers are petrified . ` the messenger ', is also strictly a 90 ', s update on the classic story . almost too 90 ', s  it seems . there ', s gratuitous use of the f - word and a barrage of slang terms like ` she ', s nuts ! ', sprinkled throughout the screenplay . i was half - expecting jeanne to invite her homeys to come chill in her crib  but it never happened . there ', s also the familiar presence of bizarre besson humor  but none of it comes even remotely close to functioning properly . it seems terribly misplaced  but in a catastrophe as jumbled and disjointed as ` the messenger ',  almost everything does . the musical score by erric serra is spectacular  and the set and production designs are continuously impressive . if it was visual excellence that besson was striving for  then he achieves his goal . but the only time the dramatics come alive in ` the messenger ', is during the closing trial  in which jeanne is found guilty and burned at the stake . during these moments  the historical relevance and dramatic purpose of joan of arc reaches the audience  albeit in a faint stream of light that provokes little power or meaning . it ', s just too delayed for besson to revive his lifeless interpretation  in which he is always concerned with the wrong aspects . ` the messenger : the story of joan of arc ', is an unlikely and unwelcome historical addition to the hollywood shelf . anyone searching for an entertaining epic is going to be painfully slapped with an overblown and confusing film . despite my original hopefulness  milla jovovich is not going to have to worry about thanking the academy .
neg violence is bad . violence is ugly . violence breeds yet more violence . kids  don ', t try this at home . this weighty message isn ', t the only barrier to enjoying brother  but it ', s certainly one of the largest . written  directed by  and starring the infamous takeshi kitano ( kikujiro  sonatine ) brother is his first film made outside his familial japan  bringing the yakuza tradition to los angeles . ( yakuza translated for the average american is the japanese mafia . ) if you piss a " family " member off  or dishonor yourself in any way  the usual punishment is public display of self - mutilation  usually resulting in the loss of limbs . a definition of dishonor can be anything from making a stupid decision to leaving one family for another . it would be interesting to know more about where these and other customs come from . unfortunately the film doesn ', t give too much of an explanation  assuming its audience is aware of kitano ', s earlier work . there are several shots that focus specifically on detailed tattoos that spread across the entire back of the yakuza members  leading one to assume they would be symbolic of something  but you never know what . then there ', s a scene in which a man kills himself in front of a rival in exchange for that rival joining the family . granted  this is one of the best scenes in the movie  but it doesn ', t make a lot of sense . instead  the two hours are basically spent watching the following : people go out and shoot each other  talk about it for ten - plus minutes  then go out and do it again . the consistently repetitive discussion of territory during these moments involuntarily provokes yawning . there are also plot details thrown in for no identifiable purpose . all of the sudden yamamoto ( kitano ) has a girlfriend . he barely speaks to her  treats her like crap  and then sends her away . another missed opportunity  considering it is such a big deal for kitano to bring his magic to the united states  is the combination of cultures  which rely too heavily on overused stereotypes . though slow moving  brother does have good elements . the action scenes are well directed  clearly defined  and interesting to watch . some of the violence is more hinted at than shown  which produces the luscious squirm that one goes to see such films for . the actors would be more enticing if they had more to do . shirase ', s ( masaya kato ) loud  sarcastic coolness set against yamamoto ', s quietly threatening attitude is truly an entertaining combination . their moments together or apart steal the rest of the show . also to its credit  brother tackles the cause and effect of crime with realism . a life of crime is easy to get sucked into with the first reward of quick cash . sure people get rich  but they can also lose just as easily . it ', s a great moral  with a great cast  just not much substance to back it up .
neg there ? s nothing quite like a gory anime . really  and this is the truth  no other genre in film gets away with such violence without a word being said in the media about it . with anime  a common shot is watching a body getting quickly cut in two  and the rest of the insides falling out seconds afterword . this is a standard practice in anime  or at least the half dozen or so titles that i ? ve seen . vampire hunter d is a gory  gory film . if they ever made a live version of the film  it would be banned in several countries and given a rating somewhere below xxx . it ? s not that it ? s gore is unique - it ? s just like other gory animes - but this one was supposed to stand out because of the complexity it ? s story  characters  animation  etc . . . it really didn ? t . it was disgusting and gruesome  which overshadowed the story  what little of it there was . it seems that in the not too distant future vampires and evil control the world  because god knows that our local police force just can ? t seem to get a handle on vampires in the movies . one evening  a blond peasant girl  drawn to look 17 and innocent ( a foreshadow that we will see her naked  i guessed early on it would be in the shower or in a rape scene ) is out fighting evil in her local forest preserve when she stumbles onto the private property of a ten thousand year old vampire ( insert strom thurmand joke here . ) of course  he never put a ? no trespassing ? sign on his yard  so one can ? t really blame her  but he ? s upset anyway and demands retribution . she gets the obligatory bite on the neck ( aren ? t there other places to get blood from ? it seems like a bite in the elbow would do well enough . if it ', s good enough for doctors to draw blood from  then why do vampires stray from that sight ? ) to fight the spell  she enlists the help of a mysteriously tall  dark and handsome vampire hunter ( you guessed it  his name is d ) . the vampire hunter is torn between fighting vampires  being attracted to the 17 year old peasant girl and finding reasons not to talk too much . you see  like all heroes in these kinds of stories  he ? s a brooder  who ? s sole purpose in life is to remain really  really silent . when he speaks  it ? s in cliches . heroes like this are bad when they ? re live  even worse when animated . later the vampire hunter storms the castle to meet the big bad vampire  who wants to marry the peasant girl because he ? s bored after 10  000 years of living ( the only clever vampire insight made in the movie )  will vampire hunter d rush to save her in time ? will we see blood and intestines spattering on every place imaginable ? in it ? s defense  the animation  when focusing on being original rather than recycling anime slicing  could at times be original . the talking hand was clever - and i think the inspiration for a skateboard - related logo . and that ? s the best defense i can think of . i understand that vampire hunter d is supposed to be a fave among anime fans  but i really don ? t see it . it ? s an excuse to watch blood dripping from teeth  blood exploding out of eye sockets and horses necks  and most importantly  like all violent anime  it is an excuse to see animated breasts . why ? what is the point of that ? maybe i have to understand the genre and look past the obsessive gore and mysogny . i ? m not a prude  i just don ? t think it ? s warranted . it puts itself so far out in front of the movie that everything else gets lost . is there a neccesity in seeing a 17 year old in the shower ? of course not ? it ? s done for shock . it ? s tasteless and despicable .
neg lauded as a genius by many  stanley kubrick commands a superlative filmography that includes such critically - acclaimed films as " 2001 : a space odyssey  " " a clockwork orange  " " lolita  " and " dr . strangelove  or : how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb . " now  sadly  he ', s added " eyes wide shut " to that impeccable body of work and his final film is the first and only blot on his near - flawless copybook . kubrick  alas  should have quit while he was ahead . this much - publicized psycho - sexual tease - a - thon  with its star billing of real - life marrieds tom cruise and nicole kidman  is nothing more than one long ( two - and - a - half hours long ) boring exercise that features kubrick operating with talent wide shut . kubrick  faithless to arthur schnitzler ', s 1926 novella " dream story  " has confused eroticism with nudity . he has confused intellectualism with talking slowly . he has confused profundity with pretentiousness . in addition  the director has made some strange casting choices  leaving sydney pollack in and leaving accomplished performers harvey keitel and jennifer jason leigh out . pollack  the director of such box - office hits as " tootsie " and " out of africa  " is normally solid in his occasional acting stints but here he ', s miserably out of his depth . . . and there isn ', t much depth to begin with ! unhappily  there ', s not likely to be a director ', s cut of this film to determine whether the decision to exorcise keitel and leigh was the right one . in fact  with the exception of the stark black - and - white credits  snatches of baroque music on the soundtrack  and many  many grainy tracking shots down lavishly - decorated corridors  there ', s none of kubrick ', s trademark brilliance in this film . it doesn ', t help that the story  as delivered  is ridiculous . cruise and kidman  who bring little more than marital torpor to the project  play well - to - do new yorkers bill and alice harford . he ', s a doctor and she ', s an unemployed art gallery director and they share a central park west address . at an opulent party hosted by their friend victor ziegler ( pollack )  alice gets a little tipsy and starts dancing with a jeremy irons - like hungarian  who ', s singularly determined to get her in the sack . bill  too  is seen arm - in - arm with a couple of models before he ', s pulled away to deal with an overdoser . back home  bill and alice smoke a little pot before alice ', s aggressive jealousy kicks in . as retribution  she confesses to her husband that she once had deep feelings for a naval officer she eyeballed at a hotel where she and bill once stayed . this hurtful admission sends bill into a tailspin ; he pounds the streets of the village in his heavy black overcoat struggling with black - and - white images of alice in the grip of a horny midshipman . it ', s all way too much for him . for revenge  bill almost has sex with a hooker . he almost has feelings for a underage girl he sees in a costume store . then he almost does the hooker ', s roommate . and he ', s almost involved in an overblown rococo orgy when an old college chum of his tips him off to a mysterious  password - protected party where everyone wears masks and " the women are incredible " ( i . e .  naked ) . this " erotic " set piece  a cult - ish bacchanal complete with chanting  incense  and lots of strategically - placed partygoers covering up the dirty  might impress the likes of hugh hefner  but it ', s a lot less shocking than it ', s intended to be . what ', s the big deal ? bill doesn ', t exactly * do * anything ( other than throw his money and credentials around )  and alice only ever lusted in her heart . whoop - dee - doo . still  they make up at the same agonizingly slow pace -- was kubrick  notorious for multiple takes  paying them at an hourly rate ? even geniuses have their bad days . " eyes wide shut " just happens to be kubrick ', s bad day  an unerotic  disappointing  and altogether pointless end to an otherwise memorable career .
neg by starring in amy heckerling ', s " clueless " two summers ago  alicia silverstone proved she wasn ', t just another pretty  pouty ingenue  showing a buoyant comedic craftiness that blew all previous jobs -- namely a stint as the aerosmith girl and a silly turn as the lethal lolita of " the crush " -- out of the water . her only work since that 1995 gem has been in june ', s " batman & robin  " where she overcame the underwritten role of batgirl . now  she ', s the star and producer of " excess baggage  " a hopelessly phony film that demonstrates how an ill - composed story can drag an otherwise solid performer down to its level . silverstone ', s emily t . hope is stuck with a billionaire father ( jack thompson ) who neglects her emotionally . in an outlandish plan to gain his affection  she fakes her own kidnapping -- emily uses an electronically disguised voice to call her dad and set a pricey ransom  ties her legs together and mouth shut with duct tape and locks herself in the trunk of her bmw . but before the police can " rescue " her  professional auto thief vincent roche ( benicio del toro ) jimmies the locks  hot - wires the engine and makes off with both the car and emily  who ', s still trapped in the back . when vincent discovers emily  the two don ', t exactly hit it off -- she annoys him  he annoys her  and at the advice of his slimy car salesman partner ( harry connick  jr . )  he decides to drive her out to the middle of nowhere and leave her there . along the way  of course  they get into a whole heap of trouble  and come to realize that being together is the only way to get out of their sticky  felony - studded situation . it doesn ', t help matters that emily and vincent are being trailed by cops  crooks and even her shady uncle ray ( christopher walken )  who ', s wise to his niece ', s ploys for attention and has mafia connections . for at least a half - hour  " excess baggage " bounces along fast and efficiently . during this time  emily and vincent sport engaging personalities as well as a nice role - reversal twist -- she ', s an awfully aggressive  combative victim and he ', s quite the aloof  seemingly vulnerable captor . but once it ', s past its set - up  the situation suddenly becomes uninvolving as the story tries to be too many things at once . a road movie  a teen comedy  a mob thriller  a drama about family relationships -- you name the cliche and " excess baggage " likely covers its territory . of course a romance develops between the two leads  but it all seems forced  and thus characterization is manipulated to cause the finally happy outcome . " do you like my tummy ? " emily coos to vincent at one point in the film . huh ? did i miss something ? the hard - edged  foul - mouthed grrrl is suddenly gone and replaced with a pair of batting goo - goo eyes . then again  " excess baggage " becomes so weak in so many areas that the personality transplant is not a complete surprise . a supporting cast attempts to do what they can with colorful but empty secondary roles  but the movie isn ', t game enough to use them all and therefore seems overcrowded . motivations keep shifting  resulting in an often confusing narrative . scant existing story background confuses matters even worse and adds to the growing list of unanswered questions . " excess baggage " has too many characters  too much plot and juggles with one arm behind its back and a remaining shaky hand . i loved silverstone ', s turn in " clueless " as an aloof  pampered beverly hills matchmaker inspired by jane austen ', s " emma . " looking back at the skill she displayed for comedy there  it ', s simple to justify any high expectation or enthusiasm that i had mustered for " excess baggage . " sadly  however  " excess baggage " is no " clueless . " but  on the other hand  it is clueless .
neg " . . . because i ', m a scientist . that ', s what we do ! " --- dr . alexander mccabe ( bob gunton )  in response to why he created evil bats . alright folks  stop me if you ', ve heard this one : genetically altered animals wreak havoc on a town and a small band of locals  assisted by a specialist in the particular animal ', s field  must team up to stop the mutant creatures before they can multiply and spread across the earth . oh yeah  the military is on their way to bomb the town as well  so they are running short on time . sound familiar ? such is the plot of the destination films release of bats . dina meyer stars as the " bat specialist " sheila  who is pulled from her research ( along with her annoying sidekick  played with irritating deftness by leon ) in order to help a small texas town figure out why some local citizens and animals have been chewed to death recently . with the help of the local sheriff ( lou diamond phillips )  a cdc official ( carlos jacott )  and a scientist ( bob gunton )  sheila discovers it is indeed bats ( who have been genetically altered by gunton ', s character to be more aggressive and omnivorous  in order to be used as a military weapon ! ) . i have to say here that i knew exactly what i was getting into going into this film . there ', s not a frame of promotional footage i have seen for the film that would have led me to believe it was going to be any good . in this respect  the film never disappointed me . this film reaches a level that transcends the " so bad it ', s good " level and borders on the downright insane . the effects are awful  the script is contrived  and for most of the feature i was laughing at things that were supposed to be taken seriously ( i think ) . i challenge anyone to sit through the scene  where a bat stalks a baby in a crib while another bat terrorizes a patron eating at a diner  with a straight face . thankfully  the performances are as good as they can be considering the material the actors had to perform with . dina meyer has always been the highlight of any of the films she has been in ( johnny mnemonic  dragonheart  and starship troopers . . . the latter being the only film out of that batch with any actual merit )  and this one is no exception . while one never really gets the impression that meyer ', s character could be a bat expert in reality  one never really cares to doubt it either . she gives as good a performance as could be expected  plus she ', s nice to look at for an hour and a half . lou diamond phillips is also serviceable here  as the small town sheriff turned eventual hero . although when we first meet his character he knows bats are the reason for what ', s going on in town  for some reason later on he suddenly becomes amazed to learn that the actual cause of the deaths in town are because of bats . the only bad performance in the film is that of leon ', s . he is relegated to the " i ', m not sticking around here ! " character and proceeds to repeat variations of that line for the majority of the film even though he stays . anyone who can ', t immediately tell that bob gunton ( the bad guy in patch adams and countless other films ) is going to eventually turn on the gang and side with his creations before his eminent death will probably be surprised  but i highly doubt it . even if he hadn ', t been the villain in just about every film he ', s ever been in  so many obvious hints are given to indicate the devious act that it holds no shock whatsoever . in fact  his death is welcome  because it finally starts moving the plot towards the finale . if the plot doesn ', t sound ridiculous to you yet  then check out these little tidbits : a multitude of bats inexplicably disperses when a police officer cocks his pistol . an entire town disregards the sheriff and doctor ', s orders to stay indoors after a curfew is instigated  causing mass hysteria when the bats come out in full force  killing several townsfolk . a government official blows off shelia ', s instructions ( to wait until dawn to install a cooling unit in the bats ', cave that will kill all of them off ) by pulling a night job  resulting in the death of an entire military unit . a cavern full of bat feces never ignites when a phosphorus flare is lit right in the middle of it . finally  to top it all off  this little texas town is showing nosferatu in it ', s single screen theater ( for reference  our town has over a million people in it with nearly 150 movie screens  and we ', re lucky to even get kevin smith ', s dogma ) . the most laughable part of the movie though comes from the ill - conceived bat puppets . while the actual bat attack scenes are shot with rapid fire editing ( making the scenes nearly impossible to comprehend what ', s going on )  the scenes where a bat is called upon to interact with a live actor are usually shot more low - key . therefore we the audience get loving close - ups of the most unrealistic  rubbery bat puppets ever committed to film . being able to see the puppeteer ', s arms would be the only things that could have made these creations worse . after all of this  if you still decide bats might be the movie for you  don ', t say you haven ', t been warned . trust me when i say that it ', s a lot more fun to trash than it is to sit through . i just wish that dina meyer would be cast in more roles or at least choose better films to appear in . she ', s definitely a talent that is going to waste in films like these .
neg the word to describe sharon stone is " wonder " . not that she _is_ a wonder  but rather that i wonder how she can be so inconsistent . she has a dynamic screen presence in " basic instinct "  turns in a surprisingly fine acting job in " casino "  but possesses neither of those here . stone teams up with private school headmaster ', s wife isabelle adjani to kill adjani ', s thoroughly unlikable husband ( chazz palminteri ) . in a comedy of errors and unexpected twists straight out of hitchcock ( as in ` homage to ', [ read " steal from " ] )  it turns out that someone saw them or he ', s not dead or maybe . . . kathy bates turns in a credible  if unspectacular  performance as an investigative police detective . her character is a bit dull but realistic  although her actions at the end are puzzling . adjani is more than satisfactory as the timid beaten spouse driven to desperation . it ', s stone that is a disappointment among the actors . how can she be the epitome of a femme fatale in previous films and come off as a blank in this one ? costumed in skin - tight clothes and looking down her nose at everyone  she is someone you would want to avoid because she is boring  not enticingly dangerous . even the threat ( or promise ? ) of a lesbian relationship between the conspirators is only half played out . on the positive side  there are enough unexpected plot developments to keep your interest alive . that is if you can put up with stone ', s cardboard cut - out character and scenes directly lifted from hitch ', s movies .
neg the tagline on random hearts reads " in a perfect world  they never would have met . " in a perfect world  i never would have seen this movie . the biggest flaw is that 20 minutes into this film  kay chandler ( kristin scott thomas ) and dutch van den broeck ( harrison ford ) are the only two major characters alive ; resulting in little doubt that they will end up together at some point during the laborious two - hours - and - then - some production . dutch is a sergeant in internal affairs at the district of columbia police department . kay is a congresswoman from new hampshire . although they both think they are happily married  their spouses are cheating with each other behind their backs . dutch and kay are soon widowed when a plane goes down carrying their partners ; they subsequently discover the affair . the rest of the film is the pointless  unrealistic and often - times boring story of their researching the sexual relationship that they were blind to  and getting to know each other in the process . two sub plots are of little help to the already problematic film . dutch is trying to arrest a fellow officer  a task that seems rather ordinary for hollywood fare . all the great stereotypes get pulled  including my personal favorite of the key witness that makes bail and is murdered soon thereafter . kay ', s distraction from the film ', s primary focus is her campaign for re - election and attempts to shield her 15 year old daughter from the truth about the father she put on a pedestal . these sub plots could have made for semi - interesting points  but the film seems afraid to explore politics or mother - daughter relations in depth  and consequently suffers . random hearts ', two primary characters seem to live in shells . although both kay and dutch are given their own sub plots  they seem to never deal with anyone other than themselves or each other . there is plenty of opportunity  dutch having a partner and kay having close friends and her daughter  but the movie shies away from exploring these relationships . veteran actor and director of this film sydney pollack  and critically acclaimed up - and - comer dylan baker both have cameo roles  but be careful not to blink too much or you will miss them both . other than its weak plot  it is hard to criticize random hearts . however  it is also hard to compliment it . had the film taken some small risks and more fully explored its extra characters and plots it may have tasted more like a well frosted cake  rather than the dry one that equates to be .
neg in double jeopardy  the stakes are high . think of the plot as a rehash of sleeping with the enemy  and then rearrange the details and the gender of the stalker . the finished product  although able to maintain the viewer ', s attention  is a predictable and unexciting thriller with an idiotic script . ` alex  i ', ll take homicide for $ 400 . . . ', libby parsons ( ashley judd ) is a happily married mom leading a normal life . one night  her husband nick ( bruce greenwood ) takes her out for a romantic escape on a sailboat . libby awakens in the middle of the night to find she is covered in blood and nick has strangely disappeared . she follows a trail of bloody footprints up to the deck  where she handles a fallen knife ( like any stupid character ) and is spotted by the coast guard  who are responding to a distress signal sent earlier in the evening . nick is presumed dead  and although she pleads her innocence  libby is tried and convicted for the murder of her husband . now  please don ', t think i ', m spoiling any vital plot details  because the informative trailer has already spilled most of the beans . if you haven ', t seen this preview  don ', t read any further . but seriously  the inane screenplay by douglas weisberg and douglas s . cook is so elementary that the average viewer will be two or three steps ahead of the characters . during the most vital scenes in the movie  i was anticipating every twist or ` surprise ', that eventually popped up on the screen . i imagine the writers presume their core audience for double jeopardy is a very naive group of individuals . most  unfortunately  will be too distracted by the moronic plot to appreciate the few positive aspects of the production . one is tommy lee jones  who plays travis lehman  a parole officer given the tedious task of watching over libby after she serves her sentence in prison . jones is always wonderful as an authority figure  and he ', s certainly familiar with this sort of role ( as he played so well in the fugitive and us marshals ) . judd  as a likable heroin with gusto  also has a chance to flex her acting abilities . while emotionally unconvincing  the actress is tremendously fun in her juvenile role  perking up the movie like an injection of anti - depressant . the actors  and their relationship together  present the one - two punch that prevents double jeopardy from derailing itself entirely . and now  back to the plot . while behind bars  libby learns an interesting little bit of information : a person can ', t be convicted of the same crime twice . this law  called ` double jeopardy ',  could be her motive for hunting down her husband . . . who may still be alive . yes  you heard right . the movie degenerates into a cross - country chase  where everything you expect to happen . . . does . the final scenes  which could have redeemed the film  are poorly handled by director bruce beresford - whose previous work centers highly around drama ( driving miss daisy  paradise road ) . ironically  it is those elements - like the driving force of libby to reunite with her son - that don ', t quite work here . at least double jeopardy is paced well enough to satisfy diehard fans of the two stars . unfortunately  jones lacks some of the edge that he had as sam gerard in the fugitive  and the real depth of his character is only skin deep . but he and ashley judd are more than welcome considering the material  and both have some memorable comic moments . judd  in particular  has a hilarious scene in which she wards off an oncoming male by explaining she has to check in with her ` parole officer ', . hmmm . . . perhaps this would have made a good comedy . it is disappointing  because there are the makings of a competent action film here . it ', s nicely shot and choreographed in downtown vancouver  and will entertain those who aren ', t turned off by the woeful story - line . ? tis a shame that double jeopardy is an adult thriller that wouldn ', t fool most children .
neg synopsis : melissa  a mentally - disturbed woman who likes to smoke  seduces doug  a minor - league baseball player who likes to study anatomy  work on motorcycles  and make out with his girlfriend in a public library . when doug decides to stop seeing her  melissa maliciously takes revenge on those around him  including his girlfriend  his mother  and his cat . comments : malicious  i suppose  is an acceptable moview for what it is : a cheap  b - movie thriller which rips off dozens and dozens of spurned - psycho - lover - who - wants - revenge films ( like fatal attraction  hand that rocks the cradle  etc . etc . ) that have come before it . malicious  however  really doesn ', t provide very many particularly suspenseful moments . the plot starts off energetically enough  the main characters are introduced and the affair between doug and melissa begins and ends pretty early on in the film . it starts to drag  unfortunately  after this . melissa will obviously try to take her revenge on doug ( as always seems to happen in movies like these )  but she does so in unimaginative ways that have been done in other  better thrillers before . she drugs someone . she kills a family pet and leaves it in the girlfriend ', s apartment . and  of course  she stalks  so we see a number of shots  which are supposed to be suspenseful  where she ', s spying on doug and his girlfriend . i won ', t reveal the ludicrous ending to this turkey  but i warn you that it ', s both painfully obvious and a real yawner . john vernon does a remarkably good job at playing the not - so - bright baseball jock who initially gets swept away by melissa ( one of the script ', s faults is to try to pass off a character like this as a pre - med student ) . the same cannot be said  though  for molly ringwald . at times  she can effectively pull off the obsessed lover routine  especially during her silent  i ', m - going - to - stare - you - down scenes . at other times  however  she just seems somehow goofy and out of place . in one particular scene which i guess was supposed to be suspenseful  she screeches " f -- k you  you b ----- d " and throws a phone . she delivers the line so ridiculously that one can ', t help but laugh . malicious certainly isn ', t the worst thriller of its kind out in the video racks ( a number of really fat turkies in this genre are out there )  but it isn ', t all that good or original either . feel free to treat this film maliciously  watch something else .
neg warner brothers ; rated pg - 13 ( mild violence  sexual situations ) ; 132 minutes director : luis mandoki screenplay : gerald di pego ( from the novel by nicholas sparks ) cast : kevin costner  robin wright - penn  paul newman  illeana douglas  robbie coltrane  jesse james  john savage . review by : geoff berkshire i ', m not an overly cynical guy . there have been many glossy hollywood romances that have carried me away with their romanticism over the years . however  i have my limits and i also have standards . this brings us to the subject at hand : message in a bottle  the big ticket romance that warner brothers ', unleashed upon the movie going public just in time for valentine ', s day . the story  what little of it that there is  involves boring chicago tribune reporter theresa osborne ( robin wright - penn ) dealing with her recent divorce and trying to raise her young son jason ( jesse james ) . during a brief stay somewhere in new england she finds the titular message in a bottle while on a morning run by the ocean . the letter  written to a mystery woman named catherine  instantly captivates her . upon her return  theresa shares it with her best friend lina ( illeana douglas )  her boss charlie ( robbie coltrane )  and the entire city of chicago ( the newspaper publishes an article about it ) . it turns out that the message was written by grieving widower garret blake ( kevin costner ) and so theresa travels to north carolina and tracks him down . he turns out to have a colorful father ( paul newman ) but is otherwise perfectly dull and overly obsessed with sailing . this is somehow attractive to theresa and the two begin their awkward courtship . of course she doesn ', t tell him that she found his letter  she wants to but the rules of this type of film require him to find out later ( preferably right after they first make love ) . this way garret can get very angry and the relationship can be threatened . the discovery of the message and garret ', s discovery that theresa discovered the message are really the only two noteworthy events that happen during the nearly two and a quarter hour running time of this film . there ', s a truly lame subplot about garret ', s relationship with his dead wife ', s family ( he gets into a bar fight with her brother  played by john savage ) and then the necessary tear - jerking ending . a fun way to pass the time is to take bets on exactly who will die  although it becomes pretty clear by the second reel . the actual death sequence is one of the most ridiculously forced  and unintentionally humorous  sequences filmed since . . . well  since costner ', s the postman ( 1997 ) . message in a bottle is one slow moving film . last year audiences were offered endurance tests such as the horse whisperer and meet joe black but both of those films resemble jerry bruckheimer productions next to this . they also had redeeming qualities in the form of quality performances and some stand out technical work . message in a bottle has a decent enough cast but they ', re fighting the material all the way  and losing badly . costner and  especially  wright - penn are both likable and attractive enough to cheer for but their characters are simply too boring . they also fail to generate any kind of real romantic chemistry . the supporting players are given very little to do . the reliable douglas is particularly wasted . old pro newman gives his all and occasionally threatens to kick some life into this dead horse of a film . a confrontational scene he has with costner near the end is especially well played . however  too frequently he just reminds us how unexciting our lead characters are . the film is very polished on the technical side to be sure but it only works to undercut the story . gabriel yared  who previously set the romantic moods of the english patient ( 1996 ) and city of angels ( 1998 ) with his scores  overdoes it a bit here . caleb deschanel ', s camera makes everything look a little too beautiful . do the offices of the chicago tribune really need to look heavenly ? the editing by steven weisberg is troubling not only considering all that could have been cut out but is also simply messy at times . the real offender here is screenwriter gerald di pego . working from a best - selling novel by nicholas sparks ( which i have not read but have been told is on the same literary level as the bridges of madison county )  di pego creates one of the most uninspired scripts of recent times . its strict adherence to clich ? s brings to mind such disasters as i still know what you did last summer ( 1998 ) . there simply isn ', t an original scene in this film . the dialogue is rarely better than laughable and this is only accentuated by the excessively long pauses every character takes while speaking . this is director mandoki ', s first film since when a man loves a woman ( 1994 )  the solid meg ryan / andy garcia romance . he ', s simply going through the motions with this . message in a bottle is easily the worst of the several romantic offerings available in theaters at the moment and vies with what dreams may come ( 1998 ) as one of the most misguided romances of the decade .
neg disconnect the phone line . don ', t accept the charges . do anything you can to avoid the wretched  melodramatic sisterhood dramedy ` hanging up ', . i figured i needed to get in touch with my feminine side  and ` hanging up ', seemed like an ideal opportunity to do so . the film features an incredible palate of female talent  and the capability behind the camera brought to mind such sparkling gems as ` sleepless in seattle ', and ` unsung heroes ', . meg ryan  diane keaton and lisa kudrow play a trio of sisters who  once separated by career judgments over family ties  must reunite when their father ( walter matthau ) is admitted into the hospital with alzheimer ', s disease . while this may read like an optimum opportunity to rekindle their relationship and reflect with poignancy on the past  the script by sisters delia and nora ephron is exasperating  shapeless dreck teeming with emotional fakery . ` hanging up ', has the overall effect of a tele - marketer pestering you for two hours  while you don ', t have the option of doing as the title suggests . for the first half - hour  the ephron sisters use telephone conversations for a basis of character development . this is an annoying and ineffective device . cell - phones ring every five minutes  and everyone hurriedly rushes along  leaving marginal time for the frustrated viewer to relate to the sisters ', issues and problems . if ` hanging up ', was an apple pie  then i felt as if we were getting the mere crust of the story . granted  there are a few genuine and sincere moments in the film . but they only help to establish that the remainder of the strained emotions are nothing but inferior dramatic muck . the most outrageous strategy in ` hanging up ', is that  after a series of largely unrealized attempts at character development  we are expected to exhibit compassion and courtesy toward the sisters as they join for a melodramatic finale . we are able to identify with eve ( ryan )  the most open and caring daughter  because she is the one who stayed by her father ', s side as everyone else moved forward to pursue a impending career . georgia ( keaton )  the eldest daughter  is celebrating the fifth year anniversary of her magazine called . . . . ` georgia ', . maddy ( kudrow )  the soap opera actress  spends time either contemplating her possible path to stardom or nursing her dog . ryan ', s convincing performance and diverting cuteness are two of the more agreeable aspects of ` hanging up ', . kudrow  so delightfully eccentric as the off - kilter airhead phoebe in ` friends ',  is totally wasted . ditto for keaton  who is serving a double shift as co - star and director - a time slot that can be a difficult priority juggle . her frenzy is apparent . for a chick flick  there is a distressing lack of chuckles . the reliable matthau is reduced to chaotic shtick that  given his character ', s situation  seems more depressing than amusing . even so  the peak form of humor in ` hanging up ', is represented by some of matthau ', s nasty quips and ryan ', s eternal battle to have the aforementioned pooch swallow a pill . that about accounts for the three or four chuckles you will expel during the film . my curiosity has suddenly been tweaked to discover how such a promising and star - studded approach could turn so viciously sour . but really  it ', s no mystery . the predictable  melodramatic filth that is ` hanging up ', is certainly not the fault of these actresses . pin it on the screenplay  which attempts to clear up vital issues in three or four minutes  while spending the rest of the running time in an annoying flurry of phone conversations . it ', s certainly a far cry from what one would label as a rewarding experience  but ` hanging up ', should have at least been enjoyable . uh - uh . it ', s a wrong number from the beginning .
neg running time approximately 1hr 40mins reviewed by jack choo rating : the movie starts with a rather se7en - ish opening sequence  rather cool and sets the mood for things to come . the story propels the audience into a neo - reality ; somewhat very close to conscious reality but laced with weird tinges of blue and red . existenz is actually the name of a new virtual - reality game . supposedly  vr games are highly popular as is considered a legal - drug in this neo - reality . * * * * ( leigh ) is the ultimate game creator and introduces her ultimate game - experience in the form of existenz . players are required to have bio - ports embedded in their spine  which plugs to a game - pod in order to enjoy the immersive experience . during a secretive beta - testing - cum - teaser meeting for this new game  an assassination attempt on * * * life occurs and she runs off with fellow bodyguard * * * ( law ) . * * * is more of a realists than anything else  afraid that he ', ll lose reality if he begin to play these games but * * * requires his help to immerse together with her into existenz to check if the program is still functioning properly after the assassination attempt . as they soon discover  they are transported between realities within existenz uncovering more than they initially expected . existenz has all the cronenberg - gore that is expected of him . even so  this film is no - where near his cult classics such as videodrome or scanners . not even half as suspenseful as the commercially successful the fly . existenz can probably be looked upon as his 90 ', s version of videodrome  even so  it is a poor follow - up . while in most of his famed films  his penchant for gore always hit the right note with theme of the film and plot . in existenz  the gory sequences are no more attached to spirit of the film and seem to be an act of over - indulgence than anything else . jennifer jason leigh and jude law  both commendable actors  looked aloof and miss - directed throughout the entire film . the scripting and acting barely pulls the film out of the b - grade category . it was obvious that cronenberg worked on a really tight - budget and it seems that he handled that pretty well in the production design and values created for this film ( the opening sequence  though  probably formed a considerable portion of the budget ! ) which is actually quite good . existenz is too predictable and cliched in these times . 10 years ago  it would have been another classic for cronenberg . cronenberg fans however  ( those people who enjoy seeing friends getting queasy over mutilation on film ) should not give this film a miss as some form of appreciation can still be offered by you .
neg in china in 1982 i turned the tables on our national guide and asked him if he had any questions about america . i guess i was expecting some sort of political question . instead  i was dumfounded by what was most on his mind . " in america  do wives and their mothers - in - law get along well ? " he assured me in china that they did  but i am certain if that were true he would not have asked . even in china people seem to have problems relating to in - laws . perhaps some of life ', s most difficult relationships arise when families are suddenly artificially joined by marriage . a man trying to relate to his new prospective in - laws and vice - versa could be the basis of a very strong comedy . meet the parents does not demonstrate that fact  however . greg focker ( played by ben stiller ) has been dating and in love with pam byrnes ( teri polo ) for ten months and is now ready to propose to her . he will do it during a weekend visit to meet debbie ', s family and to attend her sister ', s wedding . from the beginning the relationship is awkward between greg and jack and dina byrnes ( robert deniro and blythe danner ) . through no fault of his own  the airline has lost greg ', s luggage . and he has to ask to borrow clothing . it is the beginning of a game of one - upmanship in which greg is nearly always one - down . as the games go on greg is more and more uncomfortable and uneasy which only contributes to the mistakes he makes . greg is playing a game he does not understand  in a league he is new to . but perhaps along the way he will discover some unexpected secrets about his father - in - law . this film had potential in its tale of one - upmanship . it has hit on a situation that many in the audience may find familiar -- one that has not been done overly frequently in films . but the script by jim herzfeld and john hamburg is a little too contrived . too many coincidences in the story work against greg . the script could not decide if the main character was incompetent or simply unlucky . certainly he does not help his situation by doing everything wrong he possibly could  but even when he is trying to do the right things nature conspires against him . there is an uneven mix of slapstick sequences and human comedy . certainly the last part of the film feels awkwardly written . the main reason to see meet the parents is to see robert deniro ', s performance . deniro plays the suspicious and not a little fascistic father as tightly wound and threatening as he can . the little judgmental expressions on his face are a show in themselves as greg digs himself deeper and deeper into his insecurities . but we do not really see much of that digging . ben stiller is an affable presence in the film but is not really stretching himself by playing the role as the nebbish to whom so many bad things happen . it is nice to see blythe danner again on the screen . but her character has a basic conflict between a basic decency and her love for her husband and the script should have given her more to do with that . randy newman has written a playful score . in the first few seconds of the film it does something creative i have never heard a film score do before . there is a lot of source music that is popular music of the 1960s . presumably that is what the upper class listens to at least in somebody ', s imagination . humor is subjective and some this film has been getting some favorable comment . but this is a comedy that works only occasionally for me . i would have to rate it 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg the " fab 4 " of ronald reagan high are four stuck - up girls  played by rose mcgowan  rebecca gayheart  julie benz and charlotte roldan  who overdress like 4 posh spice wannabes . their daily ritual is to parade up and down the school halls like royalty  and their constant reflex action is to grab their compacts so they can check their make - up and powder their cheeks . under no circumstances will they ever let themselves be seen eating in public . in writer and director darren stein ', s jawbreaker  it isn ', t as funny as it sounds . in fact  it isn ', t funny at all . stein has taken the black comedy of a teen movie like heathers and stripped it of any intelligence  wit or charm . his actresses toss off their lines so fast that they don ', t have time to add any emotion . and all of his female characters have considerably more lipstick than brains . the setup for the movie has one of the fab 4  liz  who is referred to as " the princess di of reagan high  " be killed when a prank by the other 3 goes wrong . the princess di reference is in bad taste  as is much of the movie . granted  bad taste can sometimes be funny  but the mere presence of bad taste doesn ', t guarantee it . liz ', s girlfriends stick a jawbreaker that is literally larger than a golf ball in her mouth  tape her mouth shut  and stick her bound body in the trunk of a car . when they open the trunk later  liz is dead . they eventually put her blue and bruised body into a sexual position and make it look like liz was the victim of a brutal rape . these realistic and disgusting scenes of a dead  seminude teen have a pornographic feeling that is hard to forget and will likely turn the stomach of many a viewer . the film ', s dialog not only isn ', t funny  it ', s trite . one nerdy young girl introduces herself with " my name is fern mayo  as in hold the mayo . " when fern discovers what has happened  the fab 3 make her an offer she can ', t refuse -- make - up ! they cake it on her and welcome her to the clan . the parents in the movie brag about learning parenting skills from watching oprah . the teachers fare no better  especially in the ridiculous lines they are given . " miss shayne  please cover your bosom  " one young teacher  who has been made up to look old and ugly  says without any conviction . " this is a learning institution  not a brothel . " besides the obvious question of why this movie was ever made  there is one other question that i ', d like to ask the director . why do you have a phone number start with 555 if you going to cover the rest of the number anyway ? in a cameo  pam grier plays detective vera cruz  who investigates liz ', s murder . as she interrogates the other people  she stares at them like they are all idiots  proving that she is the only one that gets it . i am sure that if the hard nosed detective cruz were to see this movie  she ', d walk out after about 5 minutes  and you ', d be well advised to do the same if you should happen to find yourself in a theater showing it . jawbreaker runs 1 : 27 . it is rated r for violence  gore  profanity and sex . i would advise everyone to avoid it  but if teenagers go they should be older and mature .
neg hollywood never fails to astound me . every time i think those coked - up little buggers have hit rock bottom ; they come up with a new excavating tool . i was truly convinced that " wild wild west " marked 1999 studio filmmaking at its most hapless  but then along comes " end of days " to prove me wrong . this big budget  brain dead apocalyptic thriller bludgeons its audience with overwrought music  grisly violence  explosions galore and lots of cheesy special effects . the result ? nothing but groans and yawns . even the devil himself is unable to produce a decent scare in this festival of the inept . at the very least  " end of days " should have done us the courtesy of being bad - enough - to - be - good  but it can ', t even manage that . it ', s just lousy . arnold schwarzenegger  still recovering from heart problems and " batman & robin  " plays an ex - cop turned security agent or bodyguard or something . along with his obligatory comic relief partner ( kevin pollak  impersonating matthew perry ', s chandler character from " friends " )  he gets involved in some major league supernatural hoodoo . it seems that satan ( gabriel byrne ) gets a shot at world domination only once every thousand years ( and here i thought he ', d pulled it off with the republican landslide of ', 94 ) . if he has sex with 20 - year old christine york ( robin tunney )  " the chosen one  " their child will be the antichrist  or at least a brat . ah  but this deal has more catches than a new year ', s eve pass from a halfway house . the unholy union must take place on december 31  1999 ( you see  999 is just 666 turned upside down )  but only between 11 p . m . and midnight ( no wonder this guy is so cranky ) . and if the chosen one is given refuge in a church  the devil won ', t know where she is  because he can ', t see into the sanctuary . you know  it ', s kind of like superman ', s x - ray vision and lead walls  only evil . a group of guerrilla catholic priests decide the best way to stop the situation is by killing the girl . arnold chooses to save the girl and kick the hell out of satan  if you ', ll pardon the expression . and kevin meets up with an exploding van and has to make some decisions of his own . oh  the anguish ! oh  the humanity ! oh  the writing ! andrew w . marlowe ', s screenplay ladles implausibility upon implausibility  from the preposterous otherworldly histrionics to his handling of jericho cane  schwarzenegger ', s character . cane starts the film a la mel gibson in the first " lethal weapon  " preparing to put a gun in his mouth due to ongoing despondence over the murder of his wife and daughter . twenty minutes later  he ', s racing through the bowels of new york city  deciphering clues that sherlock holmes and kreskin would find baffling . when cane meets up with christine york  he instantly switches to terminator father figure mode  with the young woman serving as surrogate daughter . in case anyone misses the connection  the camera comes in for a close up of christine ', s music box  which just happens to be identical to one owned by cane ', s daughter . subtle  marlowe  subtle . speaking of cameras  director peter hyams is just the man to take marlowe ', s script and make it even more self - important  murky and annoying . hyams ', direction shows all the subtlety of a gwar video  with cane running a gauntlet of ridiculous action set pieces  punctuated with loads of big explosions . eager to satisfy arnold ', s core audience  he even throws in a few pairs of breasts as well . what a guy . had the film delivered some decent scares  or even maintained a consistently ominous tone  the bombastic clich ? s might have been tolerable  but " end of days " is simply a flaccid special effects show . the cast is just as ineffective . in his early scenes  gabriel byrne attempts to invest beelzebub with some panache  but he all too soon turns into just another standard issue monster . kevin pollak comes and goes quickly  robin tunney comes off like a bargain basement winona ryder and as for arnold  well ? he ', s a better actor than casper van dien . that should count for something . way back in the aftermath " the exorcist " and " the omen  " supernatural swill like " end of days " might have passed muster as a b - movie . but that was then and this is now . " the x - files " and " buffy the vampire slayer " deliver real scares on a weekly basis and  if we want to see the devil  all we have to do is flip on " the 700 club " and take a gander at pat robertson ', s grinning maw . after enduring " end of days  " all i can say is " get thee behind me  satan . and while you ', re at it  get thee a better agent as well . "
neg i have little against remakes and updates of older films and tv series . if there ', s a will  there ', s a way ; and i believe that anything  no matter how great or revered can be effectively improved upon . this is the reason that i responded so well to gus van sant ', s universally panned update of psycho ; i thought it to be not only an intriguing cinematic experience  but also very on - par with an original . but i do have a big problem with remakes that are blatantly bad . you see  the point of a remake is  or at least it should be  to iron out the original ', s flaws and bring the work that much closer to greatness or even perfection . but what if the source material on which the remake is based isn ', t any good to begin with ? that is the only cinematic question pondered by the bland actioner the mod squad . i ', ve only seen a couple episodes of the late 60s tv series on which it is based  and to be honest  i didn ', t like it all that much . it has a concept that -- and still is -- interesting ; a group of corrupt young adults  all in their early 20s are given a choice : they either go to jail for the various crimes that they all have committed  or they can become undercover cops  helping the police get into places that they normally wouldn ', t be able to access . obviously  all 3 opt for the latter option and become undercover policemen ( and policewomen ) . the three main characters here are played by claire danes  omar epps and giovanni ribisi . of the three  only danes has a real character . ribisi ', s dumbass 20 year old is played exclusively for laughs ; epps ', slightly more intelligent one is used to create various chase scenes . when the squad ', s superviser gets killed off and his reputation dirtied in death  the three of them  sure that their beloved master was framed  go off and investigate on their own  discovering corrupt cops  lots and lots of expensive whores and very lucrative drug operations . all kinds of good stuff ! the only times that the mod squad comes even close to working is in its comedic moments . although ribisi is a trite actor and his characters repeat movie after movie  his man here is really rather amusing  when the script gives him a chance . epps ', straight man is effectively played against ribisi ', s clueless spontaneity . but the rest of the film is dull  boring and singularly uninteresting . a drug - op action plot is no longer anything new  not even with teenage action heroes  and the way it ', s executed here  it ', s also nowhere near exciting or suspenseful . claire danes ', character has potential  but it is buried under heaps of cliches and her performance is too restrained . she could have been a tour - de - force  but instead director scott silver puts shackles on her and simply does not allow her to do anything really significant with her role . epps and ribisi fare slightly better and do as well as can be expected  although their characters aren ', t nearly as rich as danes ', could have been . the mod squad is a mind - numbing marketing plot of a film  and teens will jump all over it . it ', s full of bad dialogue  scenes and concepts that make no sense and -- get this -- drug dealers that like to tango with other guys in their spare time . nothing is remotely intriguing or worth paying for . claire danes is no longer alluring -- mainly because she ', s got a horrible hairdo  so that draw is out . there are  however  cool explosions  guns and chases which may lure a viewer into thinking that he or she is about to experience an exciting thriller of some sort . do not be fooled . some may call this escapist fare -- i call it escape - as - quickly - as - you - can fare .
neg when the mediums in question are video game and feature film  has there ever been a respective here - to - there transformation that achieved any ground higher than noodle - headed mediocrity ? " super mario bros .  " " street fighter " and " mortal kombat " were silly stinkers all  and now the empty  execrable " wing commander " joins their lowly ranks . enduring this spectacularly bad bit of sci - fi  easily the worst of its kind  is like watching someone futz around with a video game for 100 minutes - that is to say  there ', s little fun to be had when you ', re not the one holding the joystick . the movie  then  is a missed opportunity for director chris roberts  who created the original  groundbreaking pc incarnation of " wing commander " back in 1990 . how an interactive brainchild so revered could end up such a cinematic pile of junk under the helm of the same guy is a head - scratcher . " wing commander " ', s story  credited to roberts and screenwriter kevin droney  is clueless chaos melding incoherent narrative and unoriginal ideas . it rips off the finest films of its genre  top gun and  in one scene  even those spiffy " stereoscopic freeze " gap commercials . set in 2654  " wing commander " stars freddie prinze jr . as a daredevil cosmos cowboy who hopes to be a great fighter pilot like his father before him . along the way  he plays kissy - face with his stoic superior ( saffron burrows ) at the new galaxy hangout where he ', s posted  comes to terms with bigots who resent him for his " pilgrim " heritage ( don ', t ask )  and goes on a top - secret mission involving the " jump coordinates " ( what  no death star plans ? ) of a nasty alien race known as the kilrathi . or something like that . given the immensely confusing activity  it ', s hard to tell . on the other hand  what ', s easy to see is that " wing commander " is a big old mess . the lame dialogue strains  filled with such original lines as " don ', t you die on me ! "  " battle stations ! " and repeated ( and frequently unanswered ) calls for a " medic ! " action sequences fizzle . the character conflict garners unintentional giggles . the sole source of suspense here is what these kilrathi creeps look like  as they ', re kept out of view until the concluding 15 minutes . imagine bearded siamese cats crossed with something from a ? 50s roger corman cheapie and you ', ve got a good idea . little but techno - babble happens for an hour  and then it ', s as if " wing commander " tries to do too much at once ; when it appears as though the movie ', s about to show signs of a pulse  it instead provides a hilarious touch of human drama culminating with a use for a bulldozer that has probably never been seen in this kind of space camp before . matthew lillard  featured prominently in said sequence  is cast as prinze ', s hotshot partner  and though the two are fine young actors - recently paired in the hit " she ', s all that " - they ', re fighting more than otherworldly evil here . rumor has it that " wing commander " was slated as a later - in - the - year release  bumped up to capitalize off this hot casting coup as well as the premiere of the new " star wars : episode i " trailer . but in my audience  there were no females present to make goo - goo eyes at prinze or lillard  and many a member exited after the much - ballyhooed sneak peek . since most cineplexes won ', t be granting refunds to the latter contingency  " commander " might rake in some dough  but be warned : the high wears off as soon as the coming attraction gives way to the feature presentation .
neg it ', s almost amusing to watch 21 - year old christina ricci get drastically overshadowed in sally potter ', s follow - up to 1997 ', s the tango lesson  the man who cried . the gen - y actress  with her cold stare and big  black eyes  has appeared in an impressive range of films ; but she doesn ', t even come close to being the bold heroine the film  set against the historical backdrop of world war 2  requires her to be . ricci  whose character is shockingly silent and blank  showing only the occasional smile or hint of concern  shares most of her scenes with the astounding cate blanchett : quite an amusing sight to behold . blanchett ', s lola  a paris dwelling dancer who befriends the aspiring singer suzie  is bold  interesting and layered ? everything our heroine lacks . co - star of the upcoming lord of the rings trilogy  blanchett has a good seven inches on ricci  sports twice the makeup and dons a flashy wardrobe . the actress inhabits the role ? as she always so remarkably does ? with a fervor and life that makes you want her to hold the screen as the film ', s lead rather than her dull companion . important historical events involving hitler and his nazis scatter themselves across the film ; these landmarks serve as the film ', s little conflict . obviously  the tables are turned in the life of suzie by these events  whose jewish origin is unknown among her parisian colleagues . the man who cried has many aspirations  none of which come full circle by the film ', s close . there are forced messages here and there : " go forward ; always go forward  " lola preaches to suzie ; there ', s romance between suzie and a fellow target of hitler ', s nazis  the gypsy cesar ( johnny depp  who  like ricci  barely gets to speak ) ; lola struggles with her character that desires above all things wealth and men who have it ; and at the core of all these devices lies suzie ', s desire to travel to america  where her father journeyed after leaving her and her mother years ago . the film ', s main problem is that potter isn ', t skilled enough to tell the epic - sized story of suzie . the time period ', s instability  the conflicting social classes  the prejudice against suzie from all those around her in her new life : serving as both writer and director  potter throws in some of each  but hardly an inch of depth is to be found in any . by the time the sigh - inducing climax hits  the believability and complete absence of focus leave one ready to leave the theater . the film ', s falling action is weirdly unsatisfying and unlikely ; are we really meant to believe any of this could happen ? contrastingly  in its moving final scene  the man who cried strikes a note that is made effective in its ties to the emotional beginning of the film . although it ', s apparent that potter can ', t grasp what she reaches  i ', m puzzled as to why she reaches for so much in the first place . ricci ', s suzie is meant to be the film ', s core : from the extended flashback at the film ', s beginning to the quickly drawn ending  everything seen in the film  in some way  relates to her . so why then does potter spend so much time on subplots involving other individuals ? the character of suzie is too present for the man who cried to work as an ensemble  but not present enough for the film to be ricci ', s . the almost constant lack of flow and one - note tone with which potter depicts the man who cried are somewhat improved upon by sacha vierny ', s beautiful cinematography that renders the film ', s various locations wonderfully . also worthy of note are lindy hemming ', s costumes that help to depict the area quite nicely . and then there ', s the music . from minute one to minute ninety - seven  there ', s hardly a moment when the wavering  skilled voice of an opera singer or the rhythms of the gypsy music don ', t undercut the action ; the notes stricken both overwhelm ( particularly john turturro  portraying fictional opera singer dante dominio  whose money and reputation catch lola ', s interest ) and accompany ( oftentimes  the perfect chords are captured to undermine the state of the film ', s characters and reinforce that state ) . potter obviously cares much about each and every musical note ; unfortunately  the same effort isn ', t given towards ( almost ) everything else .
neg sandra bullock in high heels and wielding a chainsaw ? yup  it ', s gotta be summer . just when you thought the pointless sequel had gone the way of franchise films and direct - to - video releases  into port slams speed 2 : cruise control  the gloriously godawful follow - up to the 1994 sleeper about a bus rigged to explode if it slowed below a certain speed . the gimmick  this time  is an ocean liner rigged to  well  crash into stuff . sound exciting ? dennis hopper ', s disgruntled bomb squader  the villain of the first film  has given way to willem dafoe ', s disgruntled computer programmer  a maniac whose main beef has something to do with having to use live leeches  i kid you not  as a self - treatment for copper poison - ing . ( and said poisoning induced by prolonged exposure to electro - magnetic fields  no less ! calling dean edell . . . ) so  he overrides the boat ', s computer  convinces the crew to abandon ship  and sends the remaining passengers  those who couldn ', t evacuate in time  on a col - lision course with destiny . ( oddly  no one thinks to just . . . jump off the back of the boat . ) with keanu reeves electing not to return -- perhaps he read the script ? -- the job of john mcclane goes to jason patric ( sleepers )  as the * second * la cop and swat team member that that bus drivin ', babe annie ( bullock ) has dated . ( what are the odds ? ) they ', re on this caribbean cruise for pleasure  as are a handful of requisite stock characters  including a deaf teenager ( ! ) who has a crush on the hero ( ! ! ) who also knows how to sign ( ! ! ! ) . ( and you thought the raptor slam was a cool summer movie move ? wait till you see the feats that * this * little girl can do  when stuck on a shipboard elevator ! ) bullock is her pesky  perky self  though she ends up with far less screen time than her top billing suggests . ( those paying attention to her bikini - and tank - tops probably won ', t complain  however ) patric is the main man in motion and that ', s damn good  ', cause when he stops to talk  he ', s only slightly less monotone than his predecessor . ( his first lol line is to ms . bullock : " i ', d like to boogie with you . " ) of course  nobody in front of the camera embarrasses themselves quite the way that returning director jan de bont does . he also produced this mess  which is insulting even by the most lax summer standards . ( con air  buddy  father ', s day  romy and michelle ', s high school reunion  murder at 1600  8 heads in a duffle bag  anaconda  vegas vacation  meet wally sparks  metro  bevery hills ninja  the relic  all is forgiven ) . worse  he ', s spent a hundred mil on a premise that doesn ', t even live up to its title ! there ', s no sweat - inducing motion of the ocean here -- just two hours of shaky handheld camera work and a handful of cross - cut exteriors  all leading up to the big slam  when the love boat sideswipes an oil tanker and then plows into a harbor town . ( oh  how far we ', ve come in twenty years . remember the simple fun of seeing a locomotive smash into railway station in the silver streak ? ) admittedly  either of the aforementioned sequences is worth the price of admission . it ', s just the rest of the movie -- the other hundred or so minutes -- that ', s pure nonsense . and wonderful nonsense at that . i know he didn ', t intend to  but de bont has done one thing right : he ', s created the hands - down funniest film of the year . so  now  allow to present a few more things that made me laugh : o a box with a big label : " fiber optic converter " o plain english  whole - sentence computer instructions o an entire sequence devoted to opening a fire door o jason patric ', s character walks onto the bridge and immediately understands everything that ', s happening o a ships ', navigator who speaks in a scottish accent and actually gets to say " i canna override it ! " o willem dafoe ', s amazing arm - mounted keyboard o two living  breathing adults ( bullock ', s character and the first mate ) who have to be told  step by step  how to disconnect a trip wire from the pin of a hand grenade . duh o " no wait ! " screams the ship ', s intercom o yet another damn dog in peril o fishing reel . pontoon plane . memories of weekend at bernie ', s
neg how do films like mouse hunt get into theatres ? isn ', t there a law or something ? this diabolical load of claptrap from steven speilberg ', s dreamworks studio is hollywood family fare at its deadly worst . mouse hunt takes the bare threads of a plot and tries to prop it up with overacting and flat - out stupid slapstick that makes comedies like jingle all the way look decent by comparison . writer adam rifkin and director gore verbinski are the names chiefly responsible for this swill . the plot  for what its worth  concerns two brothers ( nathan lane and an appalling lee evens ) who inherit a poorly run string factory and a seemingly worthless house from their eccentric father . deciding to check out the long - abandoned house  they soon learn that it ', s worth a fortune and set about selling it in auction to the highest bidder . but battling them at every turn is a very smart mouse  happy with his run - down little abode and wanting it to stay that way . the story alternates between unfunny scenes of the brothers bickering over what to do with their inheritance and endless action sequences as the two take on their increasingly determined furry foe . whatever promise the film starts with soon deteriorates into boring dialogue  terrible overacting  and increasingly uninspired slapstick that becomes all sound and fury  signifying nothing . the script becomes so unspeakably bad that the best line poor lee evens can utter after another run in with the rodent is : " i hate that mouse " . oh cringe ! this is home alone all over again  and ten times worse . one touching scene early on is worth mentioning . we follow the mouse through a maze of walls and pipes until he arrives at his makeshift abode somewhere in a wall . he jumps into a tiny bed  pulls up a makeshift sheet and snuggles up to sleep  seemingly happy and just wanting to be left alone . it ', s a magical little moment in an otherwise soulless film . a message to speilberg : if you want dreamworks to be associated with some kind of artistic credibility  then either give all concerned in mouse hunt a swift kick up the arse or hire yourself some decent writers and directors . this kind of rubbish will just not do at all .
neg miramax " disinvited " on - line media from press screenings of scream 3 . they ostensibly feared that folks like me would write spoiler - filled reviews and post them prior to the film ', s february 4th release date - unsound reasoning . you see  ', net critics established enough to be on any sort of vip list are professionals - miramax surely knows the difference between a member of the on - line film critics society ( ofcs ) and the type of fanboy who posts spy reports at ain ', t it cool news . no  the ? mini major ', was afraid we ', d let a bigger cat out of the bag than whodunit  that scream 3 is a dismal conclusion to the beloved ( by this writer  at least ) franchise . something smells rotten in the state of california right from the get - go : cotton weary ( liev schrieber )  the former lover and would - be killer of maureen prescott  sidney ', s mother  is juggling phone calls in his luxury car . ( once considered a danger to society  weary now hosts his own talk show  " 100 % cotton "  a clever  if dated  jab at american pop culture . ) of course  a new ghostface dials him up  and  with memories of scream ', s unbearably suspenseful prologue in mind  we immediately wonder  where is the killer ? the backseat ? the next car ? thrilling prospects  to be sure  but actually  ghostface is at the weary residence  waiting for cotton ', s girlfriend ( kelly rutheford ) to finishing showering . what ', s missing from this sequence  and indeed scream 3 ', s remaining frights ( most disappointingly  the moment when an ingenue is forced to hide in a wardrobe room filled with ghostface costumes  one of which might spring to life )  is an elaborate and attenuated payoff . our other surviving regulars have become estranged . sidney ( campbell ) is living a paranoid existence of electronic gates and password - protected locks  while dewey ( arquette ) acts as technical advisor on the second sequel to scream 2 ', s movie - within - a - movie  " stab 3 "  and gale weathers ( cox arquette ) headlines a gossipy news program . murder reunites them  as knife - wielding ghostface stalks the set of " stab 3 "  imitating its sadistic screenplay - and his / her / their own personal draft climaxes with sidney ', s death . the appeal of ghostface ', s villainy is that he / she / they could be your boyfriend  your classmate  your next door neighbour . . . or a combination of people . scream was the first of its kind : a slasher mystery  with the guessing game not only entailing who will be next  but also who is / are the perpetrator ( s ) and what is / are his / her / their motive . ironic self - reflection aside  parts one and two stand out in a crowd that includes umpteen friday the 13th and halloween flicks because there ', s at last articulate human beings behind the iconic costume . with scream 3  the novelty of ghostface ', s ever - mutating identity has worn off some  but the character remains conceptually potent . conceptually . the execution of ghostface ', s master plan this time around is creaky  because screenwriter ehren kruger has invented a new mythology for the world of sidney prescott far afield from what we ', d come to understand in scream and scream 2 . the movie gets in the silly habit of saying " all bets are off ! " in reference to the " rules " of a trilogy ', s third act  but there ', s a difference between rule breaking and cheating . with the departure of kevin williamson  who authored the previous screams as well as a tidy outline for scream 3 ( that  for reasons incomprehensible to me  was ignored  save the notion of " stab 3 " )  kruger needed to be reined in tighter  and by wes craven . craven ', s direction of scream 3 is lazy in most respects . how else to explain the jay and silent bob cameo ( the slacker duo of kevin smith movies )  akin to seeing mickey mouse pop up in mulan and more distracting than funny . it pains me to write this  but scream 3 ', s comedy is generally laughless  with the exception of well - timed performances by josh pais ( as a police detective possessed of the same personality he had as a persnickety teacher in craven ', s music of the heart )  jamie kennedy ( resurrecting film geek randy for the sendoff he was denied in scream 2 )  and parker posey ( through sheer force of will as a b - actress ) . the visuals are much weaker in part three  as well - the occasional sweeping gesture of peter deming ', s camera is a pale imitation of the stalking steadicam craven gave us twice before . ( aside : in the wake of columbine  craven toned down the violence significantly for scream 3 - why the sanctimony  when scream and scream 2 are still readily available on video store shelves ? ) finally  marco beltrami ', s music cues the suspense too blatantly - do you recall the tense chase at the college radio station in scream 2 ? it ', s mostly silent . sting notes are a whole lot more effective if they spring from nowhere ; here  they act as the crescendos of an incessantly nerve - jangling score . i look at scream 3 as coming from an alternative universe  the same place that birthed the godfather part iii and superman iii - woefully out of synch with its prequels  scream 3 is a nightmare instead of nightmarish  and will likely put the horror genre back in mothballs . the film unintentionally follows the unspoken rule of a trilogy to a t : ? part three must disappoint ', .
neg a backdrop of new year ', s eve in 1981 would seem to lend itself to a great party movie . the decor possibilities are endless - disco balls had yet to migrate into the dark corners of the attic  big hair was worth its weight in aquanet  and the louder the fashion  the better the look . but despite this setting  these details and a soundtrack that includes some 40 - plus irresistible hits from the early days of the me decade  something is inherently wrong with " 200 cigarettes . " a better title for this nostalgic mess would be " 50 missed opportunities . " what is it that makes this retro - comedy such a downer ? it ', s certainly not the cast  which includes enough hot  young talent for several movies . there ', s courtney love  cementing her reputation as a serious actress ; christina ricci  hot off her shoulda - been - nominated turn in " the opposite of sex " ; paul rudd  who gets even more appealing with every role ; kate hudson  inheriting some fine acting genes from mom goldie hawn ; and affleck brothers ben and casey  two of the best things about " good will hunting . " perhaps the question is this : what drew these and other immensely talented actors to such a dreary project ? maybe it looked good on paper . " 200 cigarettes " is composed of a series of vignettes  as various characters make their way through new york ', s festively decorated east village to a holiday bash thrown by a jittery bundle of nerves named monica ( martha plimpton  all dressed up in her best cyndi lauper ) . among the potential guests are likeable cad kevin ( rudd ) and his best friend lucy ( love )  busy bickering over his recent break - up  and a clumsy but seemingly charming bartender ( ben affleck ) who opens his mouth only to spew forth bad pick - up lines . more subplots - _many_ more - dot the big picture  but those listed above are the only ones worth noting in a positive light . all the other story tangents are as frazzled as a cokehead trying to solve a rubick ', s cube . ricci and gaby hoffman grate as two ronkonkoma gals ( the kind that have trouble pronouncing hard consonants ) out to have a high time in the big city . infamously acerbic comedienne janeane garofalo is wasted in what amounts to a several - scene cameo . hudson  as a pretty - in - pink klutz recently devirginized by a reprehensible ladies ', man ( jay mohr )  trips  pukes and gets smeared with dog poop . are we laughing yet ? the film boils down to a mixture of the good  the bad and the gaudy  with the latter two overtaking the former . game performances - especially by love  rudd and plimpton - are almost shot down by the bizarrely colorful parts and a constantly roving focus  here a combination that mostly sputters when it should crackle . too many sidetracks rate as uninteresting and have little payoff until a lengthy final montage where we find out many of the performers served as one night stands for each other . if this is " 200 cigarettes  " then get me 200 nicotine patches .
neg the premise of the new james wong film  final destination  is that alex browning  the protagonist  prevents six of his friends from boarding a doomed airplane  thereby cheating fate . however  fate is not so easily bested  and alex ', s friends soon begin dying in unusual circumstances . essentially  this premise is a clever - way to make a slasher - flick without the slasher . unfortunately  this is practically the only clever thing about the film . as far as teen horror flicks go  final destination is better than many . there is enough shocking death  graphic gore  and requisite black humor to provide the essential " roller coaster " type thrill at the heart of the average horror flick . unfortunately  this film also suffers from the worst characteristics of this genre . the relationships between the main characters are tenuous and their motivations are meaningless except as excuse to set - up the next death . the scene where two of the characters break into a funeral home to view the body of their recently killed friend is suppose to be scary and dramatic but features some of the dumbest dialogue i have witnessed . if you are looking for a saturday night thriller to scare your date  this film might do the trick . other than that  wait until it goes into heavy - rotation on cable .
neg there is a scene in patch adams in which patch is in the center of a courtroom  surrounded by people who are giving him a lively standing ovation because of his strong - worded attack on a group of stoic doctors . when i noticed that the audience with whom i saw this film was reacting the same way  i realized that i was going to have a hard time finding someone who agrees with me about the quality of the picture . you see  patch adams revolted me beyond all boundaries . i hated this movie for every second that i sat watching it  and i actively hate it now  days later  with the simpering  superficial  nauseatingly sentimental images forever plaguing my memories . i hate every element of the film  beginning with tom shadyac ', s shameless direction  and all the way up to the misguided and mishandled themes that the screenplay wants so desperately to convey . the badness of patch adams is stupefying . it ', s confounding . i can ', t believe a film can be this bad . and yet  it ', s based on a real man who probably has a good point to make . in the film  patch is played by the undefeatable and indefatigable robin williams  in a performance of such insulting pathos and sledgehammer sympathy that i wonder now if he is even human . in the beginning of the film  patch commits himself to a mental institution because he doesn ', t want to kill himself . while there  he notices that the doctors don ', t care about the patients  and that the best way to get through to the patients is to treat them like human beings . so  patch goes on a crusade to be a great doctor who actually talks to his patients . he goes to medical school  where he meets truman ( daniel london ) and convinces him that it ', s good to help people . he also meets carin fischer ( monica potters )  the anti - male med student who just wants to go through the motions and be a successful doctor . naturally  the dean of the medical school ( bob gunton ) hates patch  and wants to thwart his plans  even though patch gets the highest scores on all of his exams . so patch decides that he ', s going to build a free clinic in the middle of nowhere to help people with any problem they may have . and that  my friends  is the synopsis for what is easily the most abhorrent picture of 1998 . on a superficial level  the film is not particularly bad : i wouldn ', t say the cinematography bothered me  and most of the performances seem to be exactly what shadyac was aiming for ( i actually liked potter ', s performance  even if she is wasted ) . but the film fails fundamentally in execution . every scene swells with grand  " emotional " music  played at maximum volume just to get us all to cry real hard . take  for instance  the first scene  which shows patch sitting on a bus . we don ', t know patch yet  but there ', s sad music  and it ', s supposed to make us really sad that he ', s sad . later on  patch makes a lot of progress : he helps a dying patient ( peter coyote ) to enjoy the last days of his life  and the music as patch is pushing the patient recklessly through the halls of the hospital is very lively . and when that patient finally dies ( spoiler alert ! )  the music is very very sad . but the problem with all of this is that the music should not be the center of the emotions . real drama is character - based . you grow to like someone  and then something bad happens  and you feel it . we don ', t ever grow to know the dying patient ; he ', s simply a vehicle for patch ', s greatness . real drama doesn ', t seem forced  or present just to make the audience cry . that ', s why patch adams is not real drama . it goes for every cheap tear imaginable  wringing tired and overbearing sentimentality out of every scene . even scenes that have very little impact on the overall film are drowning in marc shaiman ', s sickening musical score . sentimentality like this is indeed bad . but it ', s not as bad as half - baked  simplistic themes . you see  patch is a really great student . he aces his tests without studying  and does it so effectively that people think he ', s cheating . but patch doesn ', t think that memorizing facts is the way to become a good doctor . " why don ', t we see patients until the third year ? " he bursts out every three seconds . well  patch  that might have something to do with the fact that you need to learn something before you go treating patients . not everyone has the capability of memorizing facts with no effort . most of us have to study . and a doctor who really wants to help  but doesn ', t know a toe from a finger  probably won ', t be too successful in preventing death . oh wait  i almost forgot : the point of doctors is not just to " prevent death  " but to " improve the quality of life ! " yes ! that is true ! and you can not do that without studying . you can not do that without going to medical school . what patch never seemed to understand was the possibility that maybe  just maybe  it is a good idea to study first and talk to patients later . follow the rules ? bah ! who needs the rules ! only uptight doctors follow the rules . the real saviors are the ones running around the hospitals with big red spheres on their faces and sporting baggy yellow pants . and then there ', s the free clinic issue  which i find shockingly  frighteningly idealistic . a free clinic . in the middle of the forest . where patients can be taken to be helped . for free . how will patients be transported to the free clinic ? will it have an emergency room ? or is it just for mental patients ? and who  may i ask  will pay for it ? the film does give some token attempts to question patch ', s motives ( i think another character asks him how he ', s going to pay for it  in addition to a little bit of meaningless blather about hmos and medical insurance )  but they certainly don ', t explore or challenge patch ', s ideas to any meaningful extent . reader  please understand this : i am not making any kind of judgment on the real patch adams . i know nothing about him . if his beliefs mirror those of this film character  then i might like to have an intelligent discussion with him about them . but regardless of what the real patch adams believes  the themes put forth in this film are simplistic and phony . and in the last scene  the big  obligatory courtroom scene that forced my lunch halfway up my esophagus  patch does a lot of shouting . actually  robin williams does a lot of shouting . he shouts a lot about helping people  and a lot of people cry because they are moved by his words . i won ', t tell you that you can ', t be moved by his words  because i  too  was moved by his words . i was moved in such a profoundly negative way that i was reminded of how cheap and phony a cinematic experience can be . patch adams is the cheapest of them all .
neg i have a great idea for a movie  one that can ', t miss . see  i ', ve got coolio to do a song for the soundtrack  and about fifty athletes and celebrities to do cameo appearances . it ', s about professional basketball  so i ', ll release it right around the nba finals to guarantee added publicity . as for what the movie is actually about . . . well  that will all sort itself out eventually . i figure it will be a comedy  so i ', ll throw a half - dozen writers at it and take the best of whatever they come up with . maybe we ', ll put a gender spin on it  see if we can get some women out to see it  too . eddie is one of those phenomenally lazy films that infuriates me more than any other kind . twister  as inane as the script might have been  at least required some creative technicians ; mission : impossible  overwrought plot and all  at least involved genuine effort . eddie just sits there  hawking up a formula story without any laughs  and makes every possible bad decision when a decision is required . whoopi goldberg plays eddie franklin  a new york limo driver and die - hard knicks fan who is suffering through a dismal season for her beloved team . coach john bailey ( dennis farina ) has lost control of his overpaid prima donnas  and the losses are beginning to mount . the dwindling attendance inspires new team owner wild bill burgess ( frank langella ) to try a publicity stunt in which a lucky fan will get to be an honorary coach of the team . the winner ( surprise  surprise ) is eddie  who becomes a fan favorite  and eventually the actual coach . the knicks continue to lose  but eddie has some sassy tricks up her sleeve to inspire her troops . incidentally  the knicks eventually start winning . please raise your hand if that comes as a shock  and i will invite you to my all - night marathon of the bad news bears  major league  angels in the outfield  the mighty ducks  the big green  cool runnings and little giants . awful teams in sports comedies make miraculous turnarounds ; it ', s what they do . those teams usually involve kids  for a very sound comedic reason : it ', s funnier when they screw up  and they ', re more sympathetic . those which _don ', t_ involve kids usually have actual actors in the lead roles  for another very sound comedic reason : they generally have developed some sort of comic timing . eddie was cast under the misguided premise that it ', s easier to make basketball players look like actors than it is to make actors look like basketball players . this finds nba players like greg ostertag  dwayne schintzius  rick fox and malik sealy delivering punch lines as though they were reading them for the first time off a bazooka wrapper ( though sacramento kings center olden polynice has a nice moment describing a black hole to fellow players ) . perhaps that all didn ', t matter to anyone because there are so few punch lines  and because the whole film is one big casting gimmick . steve rash directs the spiritless script as though waving a flag of surrender and screaming  " don ', t blame me  i just work here . " perhaps it was patently obvious to him that eddie isn ', t a movie -- it ', s a cameo appearance that trips over a plot every once in a while . among the notables who lend their faces to this travesty are donald trump  new york mayor rudolph giulianni  former new york mayor ed koch  david letterman  letterman regulars mujibur rahman and sirajul islam  espn broadcaster chris berman and knicks announcer marv albert  as well as dozens of nba players and several nba arenas . and those are the real jokes in eddie . nothing these individuals say or do is funny ; you are supposed to be laughing simply because you notice  " hey  it ', s donald trump ! " or " hey  it ', s mujibur and sirajul ! " it ', s difficult to decide whether eddie is so bad because it was so shamelessly lacking in imagination or because it can ', t even get the cliches in a cliche - ridden genre script right . the knicks coach who is eddie ', s antagonist early in the film reappears at the end  but he isn ', t given a chance to be the villain eddie desperately needs . neither is frank langella  and none of the athlete - actors have the ability to give whoopi goldberg anything to play off of . that leaves her to do her street - wise miss thang routine  but with no character  no sharp lines and no help . eddie isn ', t just a bad movie with a formulaic premise . it ', s a movie that makes you feel cheated and offended  because someone came up with a poster and a marketing plan to which they had to attach an actual movie  and you had the nerve to believe it was going to be a comedy .
neg as any reasonable human being would  i must admit that occasionally i am befuddled by certain things . i am befuddled by fight club . now sometimes our favorite films are panned by critics and do not achieve critical success until much later  sometimes as much as ten or twenty years later . perhaps it is because these films are way ahead of their time . perhaps it is because they are so new and complex that only after years of allowing them to sink in do we truly appreciate and understand them . fight club is either garbage or brilliant  but  at least right now  i must lean toward the former . maybe i am subconsciously affected by word of mouth that has been slowly leaking throughout the media for weeks that this film is pure gold . but if it is  i sure don ? t see it . edward norton plays jack  a field examiner for a major automobile manufacturer . his insomnia  coupled with his compulsive desires to fill his world with ikea furniture to ? complete ? himself  make him a loser at the game of life . but when all of his worldly possessions are blown out his 15th story window  he seeks comfort in a stranger  tyler ( pitt ) whom he met on a flight home . once jack is sucked into tyler ? s world  he can ? t get out  literally . they begin fight club  an organization based on brutal and bloody fistfights that signify nothing other than to provide those that join a sense of belonging . as the fight club grows  things get out of control and take on cult status  beginning with one future soldier who proves his worth by standing still outside tyler ? s house for three days . i dare not even begin to bring up the last quarter of the film  since that contains the twist that ? explains ? the pointless journey . suffice it to say i was truly disappointed in fincher  who ? s previous two films  se7en and the game put him in a very slim category of truly brilliant young filmmakers of the next generation . this is not to imply by any means that he is no longer a genius or capable of bringing more masterpieces to the table . but with fight club  he has allowed his unique talent for extraordinary vision to be distorted by silly digital experiments and self - referencing film elements  such as talking to the audience about what they are seeing  telling them that the little blips in the right hand corner are signifiers that the projectionist is changing reels and that a slightly altered recurring line is good ? flashback humor ? . now  throughout the film ? s coarsely woven texture and over - extended plot lines  fight club is obviously trying to make various social comments about the state of the world today . advertisements  inter - office politics  corporations  you name it  it ? s addressed . ( though the media are suspiciously absent from the institutions that are referenced . ) all of them play an important role . how so ? well  i can kinda just tell . i can ? t really put my finger on it . to say that starbucks and barnes & noble are taking over their respective markets and kicking out the small business owner is no big news . is that bad for the world ? probably . not much room for social commentary there . we all know that inter - office politics are just that . . . politics . so what was the point of all this ? the film seems desperate to make a point  or a number of points  but i couldn ? t figure out what they were . all i saw was a very bizarre social satire that was woven with strange film techniques  a bleak visual design and some fine acting . ( pitt  carter  norton . . . all of them are good . even meatloaf is good . ) when you get to the end  you will most likely be filled with questions  many of which the filmmakers wanted you to ask of yourself . not them  because each of them would likely give you a different answer . fight club means what you want it to mean  i think fincher just gives you the stuff to think about . but it couldn ? t be more bizarre and unappealing . sure  it had shock value  but so did se7en and the game  and they were significantly stronger films .
neg staring  george clooney  arnold schwarzenegger  chris o ', donnell and uma thurman with alicia silverstone . well to start this off i ', d just like to say a couple things . first is  i miss michael keaton  i miss tim burton and would much prefer to think that these last two batman films are all like a dallas dream sequence . not even from the first film was batman really the ', star ', though he was damn close in the first couple anyway . in ', batman forever ', and now in ', batman & robin ', he ', s almost pushed to being a bit player . i can ', t really say if clooney ( who regardless was better than kilmer ) was a very good batman or not . he ', s given next to nothing to do at all  he might as well not have been there and it wouldn ', t have made much difference . now  joel schumacher has said that he refuses to bend to the masses that have hated his films and cheered for the return of buton that he wont make batman brooding and dark . fine  i mean granted ', batman returns ', while being an awsome film was a bit to dark sometimes . yet his bright neon  campy style is just killing anything this series meant to me . i ', m usually very easy on films . i loved ', con air ', and other films some critics have slammed . granted that film really was paper thin  cliche ridden  except for one thing  it was fun . there is virtually no fun in this film at all . i couldn ', t have cared less . it ', ll thrill the little ones as theres no violence really  none everyone comes out fine in the end like those old tv shows where it ends with everyone laughing . schwarzenegger is awful  i mean really  really bad . . . and this is coming from a regular fan of his work . i love his movies most of the time and the basic reason is he never says much in any of them . he talks all to often in this movie . i would have much prefered to have seen patric stewart in the roll . i believe to truely like a film you have to care about at least someone in a film . i liked alfred but the reason behind it is a cheap shot .
neg even though i have the utmost respect for richard dreyfuss as an actor  his presence in a motion picture does not guarantee any particular level of quality . like everyone else  dreyfuss has bills to pay  so he occasionally accepts big paychecks for prominent roles in bad movies . consequently  while his career highlights include jaws  close encounters of the third kind  stakeout  and tin men  his resume is dotted with titles like moon over parador  let it ride  and now krippendorf ', s tribe . let me start out by saying that krippendorf ', s tribe is occasionally funny ( although never riotously so )  but that ', s about its only asset . the best word to describe this film is " asinine . " the target audience would appear to be recent nursery school graduates if not for the numerous sexual innuendoes  which are aimed at someone going through puberty . krippendorf ', s tribe tries to be a zany  off - the - wall comedy  but the film makers have forgotten three important rules . the first is that some minimal level of plot credibility has to exist . the second is that viewers should be able to identify with  or at least care about  a character or two . finally  and most importantly  more than 5 % of the jokes have to work . once upon a time  james krippendorf ( dreyfuss ) was a respected professor of anthropology at little bounderby college . he and his wife obtained a grant to seek out a " lost tribe " somewhere in the wilds of new guinea  a goal which they never accomplished . shortly after their return from the failed trip  krippendorf ', s wife died and he was left with the herculean task of raising three children -- shelly ( natasha lyonne )  mickey ( gregory smith )  and edmund ( carl michael linder ) -- on his own . now  over a year later  the college wants to see the results of the money they gave krippendorf ( which he has spent not on research  but on things for his family )  so they send a new member of their faculty  professor veronica micelli ( jenna elfman )  to inform him that he has been scheduled to give a lecture on his findings . when he arrives at the college for the momentous event  rather than telling the truth and risking being sent to jail for misappropriating school funds  he fabricates a tale about a mythical lost tribe  the " shelmikedmu " . to provide video footage  he films his children dressed in native garb . soon  much to krippendorf ', s surprise  the shelmikedmu are a national phenomenon . but one disaffected professor ( lily tomlin ) is determined to prove that the tribe is a fraud . the only way krippendorf ', s tribe works is if you assume that all of the characters ( not to mention the viewers ) are dumber than dirt . unfortunately  it ', s impossible to like or sympathize with a bunch of putzes like this . director todd holland completely fails to develop any character into something more substantial than a device to implement various dubious gags . meanwhile  attempts at satirizing the shallowness of american culture ( i . e .  how easily the public can be fooled into jumping on the bandwagon of the latest trend ) come across as feeble and derivative . the acting in underwhelming . dreyfuss has definitely not given his " all " to the role of james krippendorf . alongside him  jenna elfman  the spunky co - star of tv ', s dharma and greg  radiates perkiness and little else . this quality  while fine for a 22 - minute television program  quickly becomes irritating in the arena of a feature - length movie . no one in the supporting cast -- lily tomlin  david ogden stiers  natasha lyonne ( woody allen ', s daughter in everyone says i love you ) -- excels . i know that a movie ', s in trouble when it ', s half the length of titanic  but seems much longer . most of what comes on screen is generic sit - com level material -- the kind of slop that people will absorb while dozing off in their favorite easy chair in front of the television set . if there ', s any upside  it ', s that i don ', t see much box - office support developing for this lame  ill - marketed miscue . krippendorf ', s tribe will quickly become extinct .
neg movies about teenagers and teenage culture rarely prove to be either interesting  entertaining or convincing  because of one fundamental reason : movies are made by adults and not teenagers . occasionally  however  films like say anything  dazed and confused and the breakfast club will break the mold and offer genuine insight into the lives of those bizarre creatures which surround us called " teenagers . " can ', t hardly wait  however  does not . instead  the writing / directing team of harry elfont and deborah kaplan manages to take every clich ? found in the teenage genre  strip it completely of perception  intelligence and wit - and turn it into one of the most nauseating cinematic experiences i have ever been subjected to . can ', t hardly wait follows a group of characters as they attend a house party on the night of their high school graduation . the main characters are such perfected stereotypes that no analysis needs to be provided to perfectly understand them : there ', s the average male protagonist preston ( ethan embry )  prom queen and cheerleader amanda ( jennifer love - hewitt )  football star mike ( peter facinelli )  white rapper wannabe kenny ( seth green )  computer geek william ( charlie korsmo )  and brainy outsider denise ( lauren ambrose ) . i couldn ', t stand any of those characters . whether it was william getting drunk and signing along to heavy metal songs or kenny proclaiming " yo  i gotta have sex tonight ! "  all i could think of was how elfont and kaplan possibly managed to con columbia pictures out of ten million dollars to fund their film . apparently  can ', t hardly wait is supposed to be a comedy  but it tends to fail in this respect because of the fact that it ', s not funny . in all honesty  elfont and kaplan should be forced by their employers to attend remedial classes in humour . and when i say " forced "  i mean it . they should be strapped down to a chair and have their eyes wedged open in a similar fashion to alex in a clockwork orange . this is how desperately they need to be educated about the concept of humour . for instance  can ', t hardly wait features a foreign exchange student who is instructed to repeat absurd statements such as " i am a sex machine . " for some reason  elfont and kaplan believe that if this character repeats it enough  eventually it will be funny . if only elfont and kaplan could recognise the irony that they actually got paid for making this junk - now that ', s funny .
neg way of the gun is brimming with surprises  some good  most bad . one of the good ones is ryan phillippe ', s surprisingly halfway decent performance . after the actor gained much attention by posing and preening through teen swill like i know what you did last summer  he hinted at a bit growth in last year ', s cruel intentions with his amusingly contemptuous john malkovich meets james spader performance  though his acting in that film faltered around the third act mark  precisely when the screenplay made his character grow a heart ( presumably to appeal to his training bra wearing fans ) and start bellyaching about how he ', d fallen for his " target " . it was a dramatic shift that neither phillippe nor the film ', s director could negotiate . but he seems to be trying and that shouldn ', t be overlooked ( or probably over praised ) seeing as how  at this point  he really isn ', t required to do much but look pretty . here  phillippe has procured a five day growth of beard  his hair askew and his affect altered to sound something like james cagney in all his " look here  see " glory . it ', s tough to believe a pretty boy like phillippe as a hard ass  but his performance actually helps with the illusion . unlike ben affleck ', s puppy dog approach in reindeer games  phillippe is believable and not too bad at that . as for the plot  well  that ', s one of the bad surprises ; phillippe and the great benicio del torro play two moronic ( and not even remotely likeable ) criminals ( introduced to us in the parking lot of a rave where they stupidly pick a fight with about twenty people ) who hatch a scheme to kidnap a surrogate mother ( juliette lewis ) after overhearing that she ', s carrying the baby of painter ( scott wilson )  a very well connected wealthy man . the kidnapping devolves into a laborious shoot out where much damage is done and many are killed . but the anti - heroes escape with the woman while an aging hit man ( james caan ) and two scheming bodyguards ( taye diggs and nicky katt ) remain in pursuit . directed by christopher mcquarrie  the screenwriter who won an oscar for his work on usual suspects  an overrated piece of crime noir in many circles ( this one included )  way of the gun is a hodgepodge of crime thriller motifs that just oozes eye rolling familiarity . unlike phillipe  mcquarrie doesn ', t seem to be growing at all ; he fills his flick with a sprawling labyrinth of plot all snatched from movies i know i ', ve seen before and worse  it feels like it . the film lacks even a fresh approach ( like what soderbergh did out of sight or the limey ) to its clich ? s  all of which are spewed before us in a picture that tries so desperately to be hip and gritty without bothering to notice how common it is . it features characters living by a code they seemed to have picked up in sam peckinpah 101 rather than any thing resembling life . even attempts at emotional weight feel strained like in preposterous scene where enemies james caan and benicio del torro stop in their tracks to have a cup of coffee and pontificate on life  philosophy  etc . i didn ', t like the bit much when it first appeared in heat  here  it ', s even more self consciously " dramatic " . usual suspects  which also featured a bunch of low lives that seemed to live by a code they learned from the movies  worked to some degree because of that astonishing twist ending . nowadays an astonishing twist per ending is de rigeur  never mind if it deems all that transpired before it completely inconsequential . thus  nearly every character in way comes with at least one dirty little secret ( most amateurishly projected before they appear ) and it too has an ironic little twist at the end ( nothing earth shattering  like in the usual suspects ) but i admit  i didn ', t see it coming  and i smiled . however most of the movie feels exactly like the interrogation scenes between palminteri and spacey in usual suspects : a lot of faux huffing and puffing with no rhythm or reason . or substance . it ', s just as overplotted as suspects  and often dull as any overplotted movie without interesting characters  a distinctive style  or a good script would be . even the good stuff  most of which involves james caan ( doing a fine job )  feels odd and out of place in a movie that thinks lines like " karma is only justice with out the satisfaction " are clever . at one point caan laments " need is the ultimate monkey " a line so inexplicable he might as well have said " love is like hippo ass " . i ', ve seen porno with better dialogue . and some with better plot lines too . but rarely has porn offered up such a talented cast ( i mean  can you even compare james caan to ron jeremy ) . caan slips into this role with seeming ease  he could do this kind of soft - spoken tough guy in a coma  but he manages to give his character depth and weariness . benicio del torro is always welcome  though here he plays it fairly straight ( rather than another oddball character creation like the ones the actor gave us in usual suspects and excess baggage )  adopting a brad pitt - esque quizzical pout to go along with his heavy swaggering . speaking of pitt  his ex  juliette lewis  is a weak link  either shouting her lines with ear shattering shrillness  or waddling about like a silly goose . nicky katt was brilliant in a brief role in the limey  here his role is just as brief only he seems wasted ; he ', s only kept around for his cold presence . taye diggs has a similar function  cool as ever  but never a character  though the guy has one helluva death scene . for the most part way is incessantly talky with no reason to give a hippo ', s ass about any thing that transpires since its characters are never more than simplistic pawns . it ', s vaguely tarantino - ish  but in a bad truth and consequences nm way  with phillippe  in one scene  leaping into a stupid rant about " faggots " migrating to los angeles . you know the routine . the final shoot out is pure bargain basement john woo ( who himself seems to be doing bargain basement john woo ) with interchangeable bad guys lining up to be shot at . but those gun shots sure crack like thunder . just the other day i was watching an old dirty harry movie on cable and was stunned to hear the weak elephant grunt - like sound that emanated from harry ', s fetishized smith and wesson . oh how far we ', ve come .
neg when critics attack seemingly well - intentioned films like patch adams or more recently pay it forward as i am about to do  their opinions are often greeted with a backlash of angry e - mails  sometimes even mock death threats from those who ( i suppose ) like to be shamelessly manipulated by their entertainment . even politicians ( ! ) tend to dismiss film critics as heartless cynics for occasionally dumping on good - hearted films while praising " filth " like pulp fiction . these [ fill in the derogatory term that you are comfortable with ] tend to forget that a film critic ', s job is to review the movie  not the message  however sweet and endearing that message may be . thusly patch adams isn ', t a bad film because it ', s about a doctor who cares for his patients ; it ', s a bad film because it ', s a calculated piece of brazen audience exploitation . similarly while pay it forward may have its heart in the right place ( though i even doubt that  stay tuned  an explanation is forthcoming )  it ', s still an unpleasantly maudlin mess . the picture is about an emotionally guarded 5th grade history teacher ( a somewhat similarly guarded kevin spacey )  with a burn scared face and equally singed attitude  who gives his class the seemingly impossible assignment of doing one thing over the course of the semester that will change the world . 12 year old trevor ( haley joel osmet )  a disneyfied do gooder who takes care of his alcoholic mother ( helen hunt )  comes up with the notion to pay it forward ; this entails a person doing one good deed ( call it an uber favor ) for three others  then telling them to do the same for three others and before long we ', re all living in a frank capra movie . meanwhile in a parallel story  a weasely reporter ( jay mohr ) tracks the " movement " which has apparently begun to grow . pay it forward has odd ideas about tone ; at certain points it hurls a smattering of unnecessary cynicism at us as if that would be the appropriate antidote to the unrelenting sappiness at its core . it ', s as if director mimi leder didn ', t have the confidence to make pay it forward the way she intended  and compromised out of fear that her film wasn ', t " gutsy " enough to earn the acclaim it has clearly been made for . so the picture adds grit ( a child molester propositions trevor  a homeless man returns to heroin after being " saved "  a character is knifed while doing a good deed  etc ) though it seems shallow  incorporated into the proceedings because the film itself isn ', t quite sure if it ', s ready to buy into its own utopian blather . pay it forward offers " crowd pleasing " elements for general audiences ; jay mohr ', s umpteenth variation on the waspy sleazeball  angie dickinson ', s earthy alcoholic bag woman  and the jive - talking " black hoodlum with a heart of gold " ( coming on the heals of the black  god - like inmate embodied by gabriel casseus in bedazzled  this may just be the beginnings of a brand new guilty white liberal clich ? . hurray for hollywood ) who actually calls the mohr character a " nigga " and says things like " can you feel me ? " leave it to pay it forward to happily include a little minstrel act for our further enjoyment . ( maybe spike ', s flick wasn ', t so misguided after all ) . these scenes feel as if they belong in a dopey comedy with feel good aspirations rather than the irritatingly saccharine drama that you ', ll find yourself trapped in should you not heed my warnings . while the filmmakers have stressed in interviews that they actually hope this is a film that could make the world a better place  to me the final product has the oily feel of a cynical politician contemptuously reciting cookie fortune slogans to a hopeful audience . it ', s a picture that looks to be tailor made for academy consideration  with the main players ( all previous oscar winners or nominees ) given big emotional scenes that are practically variations on their most lauded turns . one scene in which a slightly de - glamed helen hunt ( de - glamed here means that not only is she a fashion victim [ her look is somewhere between goth queen and trailer park mama ]  hunt ', s hair is also natty and badly bleached ) verbally castigates spacey  feels right out of her as good as it gets oscar clip . spacey  of course  responds in his cultured monotone  that could be straight from his low key american beauty performance . maybe the actor should get an award for coming off the least self consciously irritating ; though how can he not  even when he ', s emoting spacey seems somehow shielded by a wry indifference . the usually talented helen hunt is the worst offender . in one atrocious touched by an angel moment hunt slaps osmet  immediately covering her mouth with the guilty hand in that very same stroke  and with said hand still on said mouth  she actually begins convulsing ( dry heaving really )  then ( and i ', m not making this up ) she scurries to the kitchen tearing the place apart in a frenzied search for alcohol . the scene is so hokey it could very nearly be construed as a parody of hackneyed tv movie blow - ups ; it ', s all very theatrical  especially hunt ', s performance  which feels like a pathetic plea to the academy for another oscar . pay it forward has the dubious distinction of being a film that could be used as an argument for why actors shouldn ', t get academy awards . the picture unknowingly affirms that oscars transform nuanced talent into overwrought expressionists . even haley joel osemt  the wunderkind who was nominated for an academy award for his unforced performance in sixth sense  seems more divisive about his expressions and inflections . his acting has become broader  less intimate ; it ', s as if we can make out the little munchkin ', s thoughts : " boy this outta floor em " . naturally osmet is made to play one of those only - in - the - movies children  a martyr - figure who cleans up after his mother  lectures her on the ills of drinking  and even fixes her up on a date with his intellectual teacher . never mind that the two couldn ', t be more dissimilar ; his mother is trailer trash dopey  and the teacher is one of those dennis miller - ey intellectuals who hides his insecurities behind a vast vocabulary . nevertheless this little nudnik goes out of his way to bring the pair together in a scene that recalls parent trap - ish cornball antics . but oh how we love bright  articulate  self - sacrificing children who pick adults up by their bootstraps and guide them through life . they ', re so adorable . of course the blame can ', t all be hoisted onto the actors ( though with the exception of the little kid  they probably should have known better )  instead the brunt of it should be passed on to mimi leder  who directed one of the most thrilling episodes of er  then went on to make two awful genre films in a row . the first being the peacemaker  a witless post - cold war george clooney vehicle  and deep impact  one of the two films of 1998 to squander the premise of earth ', s possible demise by a crazed meteorite . the first flick was sunk by an over reliance on clich ? s  and a complete absence of any kind of emotional involvement  not aided by an ending which actually centered around the diffusing of a ticking time bomb complete with digital read out ( apparently present for an invisible audience ) . deep impact has more in common with pay it forward ; it ', s a movie that treats earth ', s impending destruction in awfully simplistic terms  completely ignoring the havoc that would so obviously take place if the world believed its planet would be a goner within days . the film was full of inspirational speeches where people really said nothing  though the sappy score swelled up to make it appear as if they were being profoundly touching . in pay it forward leder continues in this vein with her intermittent dollops of cynicism seeming almost like a rebuttal : " see my movie isn ', t as na ? ve as you might think " she seems to be saying . no  it ', s just horribly confused .
neg where do i begin ? okay  how about with this : starship troopers is one of the worst movies to hit theaters in a long time . in fact  it might even be the worst * major * release film to come out in years . . . or even a decade . this is bad beyond belief . i would * not * suggest paying money to see this . there ', s a good chance you ', ll regret it . if you see it for free  you could still want to walk out . go right ahead . the movie starts off with cheesy 90210 scenes set in the future world of . . . buenos aires . here we meet the group of horrendously bad actors and actresses playing obnoxious  easy - to - * despise * - with - a - passion characters that have love triangles  love rectangles  and love hexagons screwing up their life . before long they all go off and join the military  primarily in the interest of having sex with the other youngsters that joined . they train . they strut around nude for no reason whatsoever . after an hour of making the audience scream in agony  they start fighting bugs . the big bugs look nice  even though their design is only " okay . " unfortunately  the fights are boring since we * want * all of the characters dead anyway . cue more agony . then some characters have sex . then some more die . * * * who cares ? ? ? * * * cue more agony . the movie ends  the audience runs out to their cars  vomits over the pavement  and attempts to drive home . unfortunately  after that torture  they can ', t think straight  don ', t pay attention to the road  and many are in ugly car wrecks . you remember how batman & robin was bad ? well  batman & robin kicked this movie ', s sorry butt  people . starship troopers does not succeed as an action movie . it does not succeed as a drama . it does not succeed as a war movie . it does not succeed as a comedy . it does not succeed as a satire . it does not succeed as a parody . it succeeds as being horrible . terrible . gut - wrenchingly bad . i wanted to run away from that movie every minute . but i paid my money and i owed it to others to see if the movie got any better . so i stayed . it never got better . frequently  it did the impossible  and got * worse * . the movie as written  acted  directed  and basically just feels as a whole like it ', s about on the mental maturity level of a free willy 4 . the whole thing feels like a movie that only three - year - olds could enjoy . . . except for the ridiculously gratuitous blood and gore  and pointless nudity . it ', s written for little children  but children should definitely * not * go anywhere near it . of course  i recommend the same for everyone . don ', t go anywhere near it . verhoeven ', s got a streak going now . his last movie was showgirls . he seems to be trying to see how bad his movies can get before people finally stop coming . showgirls was a failure  but it appears that  though it ', ll be lucky to make near its budget  this movie will still do okay gross - wise . is it really * all * bad ? well  no . troopers has about four or five lines of dialouge / short humorous scenes that are actually funny  mostly from the " do you want to know more ? " commercials that pop up throughout the story  promoting the joys of the joining the troopers . so that adds up to about 30 seconds of entertainment and still about one hour  59 minutes  and 30 seconds of miserable torture . i ', m totally confused as to the way that some people are really enjoying this movie . but i do admit it . so  if you ', re willing to possibly put yourself through torture  go ahead and see it  and decide for yourself if you love it or hate it . i don ', t know how anyone or any * thing * could love this movie  but hey  to each his own . feel free to give it a shot . of course  in the interest of saving your souls  i don ', t recommend it . but guess what ? alien resurrection comes out november 26th  and  having already seen some of it and having read the script  i assure you that it will blow pretty much everyone away . though opinion on starship troopers is reasonably split  it ', ll be difficult to find someone that * won ', t * like alien resurrection when they ', ve seen it . this is possibly the year ', s best intense action film  or at least * one * of the best . if you really want to see alien warfare that ', s played out intelligently and seriously  see alien resurrection . please  avoid this .
neg adam sandler turns up the charm in his latest romantic comedy  the wedding singer . unfortunately  that also has the effect of softening his edge . he ', s nowhere near his peak of happy gilmore  not that it was much of one . he ', s certainly not helped here by a rather frail plot . the year is 1985  letting the whole film obsess with 80s nostalgia . adam sandler is nice guy robbie  the titular wedding singer  who entertains at the local reception hall by belting out his interpretations of classic 80s hits . robbie ', s life is thrown into turmoil when his fiancee  linda ( angela featherstone )  leaves him at the altar . however  things are looking up when he meets julia ( drew barrymore )  a waitress at the hall . she ', s the perfect woman  but for one small flaw : she ', s engaged to be married to a slick junk bond king  glenn ( matthew glave ) . so  most of the film deals with the slow realization by robbie that he and julia are in love  and his attempts to stop the wedding . as far as plots go  it ', s a pretty thin and tired one . to fill the gaps  the wedding singer delivers heaping spoonfuls of 1980s nostalgia . from boy george to michael jackson  from miami vice to dallas  from the first cds to the last rubik ', s cubes  this film revels in all the minutiae . and then there ', s the music . . . learning a lesson from the successful soundtracks to grosse pointe blank  and romy and michele ', s high school reunion  this film packs more 80s songs in the film than the running time will allow . as a result  most songs get maybe a lyric or a half  but you can almost see the bright gleam in the record executives ', eyes : the wedding singer vols . 2  3  and 4 ! while the nonstop 80s riffs get incredibly tiring  at least they distract you from the plot . at least last year ', s my best friend ', s wedding stirred up the standard " keep your true love from marrying someone else " plot by making the rival a nice person . here  glenn is such a lowly rat of a man that you never see what julia saw in him . barrymore  on the other hand  is simply charming as julia . which leaves us with adam sandler . he ', s at his best in the film when his nice guy persona fades a little ( such as when he has a breakdown on stage during a wedding reception ) . when he ', s in full nice - guy mode  he ', s more pathetic than endearing . the film boasts several cameos ( most notably by steve buscemi and jon lovitz ) . but none of them work well at all . buscemi ', s role as a drunken best man simply fails to be humorous . lovitz  on the other hand  as a rival wedding singer  makes you long for his good old days on saturday night live  where he was actually funny . the only cameo which has some appeal is a guest appearance by a classic 80s rocker during the film ', s finale ( surprisingly  one of the only plot - related scenes which actually works . ) adam sandler still has some work to do before he can become a dependable leading man . while he attempts to change his image in the wedding singer  the end result is no net gain .
neg arriving in a barrage of hype  the blair witch project is one of the biggest box office success of the year . however  like the golden child  although blair witch has made a lot of money  it ', s not very good . donahue  williams and leonard play themselves as three students who set out to make a documentary about the blair witch myth . the film is made up of the camcorder footage they recorded  which means grainy footage and woozy camera angles . although events start of normal  they get weird pretty quickly  while the threesome argue more and more as the journey goes on . although an interesting premise  the blair witch project amounts to nothing more than a missed opportunity . the biggest mistake the film makes is to let three mediocre actors the chance to improvise . most of the dialogue is ad - libbed  and still manages to sound like a poor b - movie . the ', script ', eventually degenerates into shouting matches  with the f - word included a lot to sound like students . there are breaks in these arguments where some creepy events occur  but then it ', s back to the shouting and swearing  which gets very tiresome very quickly . if i wanted to see three people get lost in the woods  shout a lot and swear  i ', d go on scout camp . but no  the audience is meant to get some entertainment factor out of this  but i ', m not quite sure how . the supernatural parts of the film are actually interesting  especially if close attention is paid to the story developing first twenty minutes . with no music and no budget to work with  the film has to depend on natural  psychological scares  which are sometimes well delivered  sometimes not . i never really felt truly scared during any part of the film  although there is a small sense of fear underlying throughout the film . however  because the actors are so irritating  the scares are lost when it eventually reverts back to heather saying ', what the f * ck is that ? ', a lot  and mike giggling like a loony . there ', s also the niggling fact that these student filmmakers do some really stupid things . the main problem is the fact that even though these hapless bunch could be killed at any moment  and are hopelessly lost  heather still insists on filming it all . the film gives a half hearted reason why she should want to do this  but it isn ', t very convincing . also  the students have no idea how to survive in the woods  such as following a large river flowing through the woods to civilisation . there are also some parts where the ', amateur ', camcorder footage is obviously staged  heather ', s apology being a major one . the blair witch project  in the end  just fails to deliver . i suppose if you ', ve been lost camping before  the film may deliver some chills  but this is no use for the other 99 % of the paying audience who haven ', t been lost in the woods . apart from the final minutes  the film is mind boggingly unscary  and the shouting matches get hideously dull . the spook scenes are short and far between  and any other horror movie could probably achieve the same amount of fear that these scenes provide . although a good idea  it ', s not executed well enough to be a fun  scary cinema experience . it ', s a worrying fact when the website ( http : // www . blairwitch . com ) is better than the film .
neg the u . s . army utilizes a number of books known as field manuals which stipulate the specific way in which almost every action imaginable must be done . one particular field manual is known as the fm 22 - 5  which among other things  covers the practice of saluting . under the " saluting " section is a sub - section which covers how a salute is rendered by a military work detail in the presence of a superior officer . the salute is rendered by the highest - ranking individual present when the superior officer comes within six paces of the detail  and is dropped when the officer passes six paces from the detail . in any event  the salute is rendered only by the man ( or woman ) in charge  rather than by the whole group . almost at the very beginning of the general ', s daughter  we see a general ', s motorcade passing a work detail . everyone salutes . it looked impressive  but it just wasn ', t right . that little bit showed me that someone either didn ', t do the appropriate research  or made the conscious decision to go with style over substance for the scene . in fact  this would serve as a metaphor for the rest of the picture  as it seems director simon west tried so hard to craft a film with atmosphere and flash that he forgot a coherent story and good characterization are also crucial to a good movie . what results is a film that looks good  but like that one scene  just isn ', t right . the first fifteen minutes of the film is a good example . paul brenner ( john travolta ) is an agent for the army ', s criminal investigation division  undercover at a georgia army base to investigate an illegal arms sale . prior to the transaction  the buyer gets a whiff that brenner isn ', t the unscrupulous supply sergeant he ', s supposed to be  and later that night attempts to kill him by shooting up the houseboat on which brenner is living . so ensues a cat and mouse action sequence which ends like a certain scene in raiders of the lost ark ( we ', ll just say that it involves propellers ) . brenner then receives new orders when the commanding general ', s daughter  captain elisabeth campbell ( leslie stefanson )  is found naked  bound  and dead on one of the base ', s training ranges . he is teamed with rape investigator sarah sunhill ( madeleine stowe ) to uncover the truth about the peculiarly gruesome murder . what i want to know is why the whole action scene with the arms buyer was even necessary . it gives no insight into brenner  other than the fact that he ', s a little cocky . does the arms subplot turn up later ? no  so why add this extra running time to the film ? the answer : it looked cool . or how about the " atmosphere " ? the beginning of the general ', s daughter presents us with imagery of the deep south - thick trees  dirt roads  sultry colors over water - all backed up with bayouesque music . nice immersion in the setting  but it soon doesn ', t matter  for when the film ', s plot shifts over to the murder investigation  so does the entire mood . no attention is paid to the location of the story  and the music is altered to fit a very generic thriller theme . did the filmmakers start out thinking they were making a different movie ? instead of creating a cohesive atmospheric theme for the entire film  we get the distraction of one of theme followed by another  just because the director thought he should show off some of the countryside . the above examples also serve to illustrate that inconsistency is another problem with this movie . as i ', ve already mentioned  an entire section of the film doesn ', t jibe with the rest  and the characterization only adds to the difficulty . brenner  who comes across as a man with little respect for authority  suddenly snaps to in the presence of general campbell ( james cromwell ) and utters some of the corniest " yes  sir " s i ', ve ever heard . he even delivers an emotion - charged monologue about why he will work so hard to catch the person who killed the general ', s daughter  even though he was totally flippant about the whole thing just a couple of minutes previous . sunhill  who initially comes across as a professional investigator  utilizes a couple of blatantly illegal methods to obtain information  and even revels in her ingenuity . both characters are protagonists  but it ', s hard to get behind them when their personalities are all over the place  and in some cases  simply unappealing . i could imagine that during filming  west would shoot a scene  then take the actors aside and tell them  " let ', s do it again  but this time  i want more . " i say this because although travolta and stowe are normally very good  in this film they overact in most of their scenes . an even worse offender is clarence williams iii as the general ', s aide  colonel fowler . i swear the guy says all of his lines from the position of attention . a far cry from his days as linc in " the mod squad "  i can ', t help but think he was acting from west ', s direction . a couple of side characters including a west point psychologist ( john beasly ) and a young female private ( ariyan a . johnson ) make their scenes nearly impossible to bear . the only two actors who seem to have escaped west ', s influence are james woods  who provides a good performance as colonel moore  elisabeth ', s mentor at the psychological operations unit  and timothy hutton as colonel kent of the military police . woods relishes the role of a man whose job is playing with people ', s minds  and does so without ever taking it over the top . hutton just kind of hangs around  but at least he wasn ', t overacting . i haven ', t read the nelson demille novel on which this movie was based  but i ', ll bet more than a few dollars that the story was better in book form . the movie version has got characters which come and go with little or nothing to do except fill up space  or provide bits of information which seem to neither mean anything in terms of advancing the story nor reveal any significance once the whole story is finished . every time we ', re presented with some new aspect to the case  west gives us more of that flash by playing it up like it ', s the most momentous discovery ever  but the information is not used by the investigators at all . instead  when conclusions are drawn  they are such tremendous leaps of faith that you wonder if successful investigations are not based on facts  but lucky guesses instead . the army should have saved time by bringing in brennan and sunhill  letting them play a game of twenty questions with the suspects  then letting them guess who the killer was . would ', ve been over in a half hour . the film finishes with a sort of bookend  featuring the same style and southern scenery as the very beginning . literally during the closing credits  we get to see brennan get in his car and drive off  then we get to see sunhill get in her car and drive off . they both seem kind of happy . maybe they were driving away from simon west .
neg i don ', t appreciate it when a thriller manipulates the viewer into thinking the plot is interesting  when in fact it ', s ludicrous . in the case of the general ', s daughter  the plot is more than capable of intriguing you to a certain point . but at this juncture in the story  the movie begins to fall apart like a crumbling cookie . this predictable summer thriller is only sporadically involving  and that is unfortunately not enough to compensate for all of it ', s detailed flaws . get past one moment early on where john travolta exercises his southern accent  and you ', re likely to survive this entire movie . travolta plays criminal investigations divisions officer paul brenner  who ', s working undercover at a military base when another situation arises : the apparent rape and murder of a young female officer ( leslie stefanson ) . it turns out that the victim is the daughter of general joe campbell ( james cromwell ) . let the investigation begin . with the assistance of fellow cid investigator sarah sunhill ( played rather on - the - sidelines by madeleine stowe )  brenner uncovers what appears to be an intricate and bizarre homicide case . things begin to get marginally engrossing when we meet colonel moore ( james woods )  a former commanding officer of the deceased who has a few secrets up his sleeve . woods submits another scene - stealing performance here as he oozes authority  surrounded by clouds of smoke emitted from his cigar . with echoes of his supporting role in true crime  in which he duked it out with clint eastwood in enjoyably profane verbal exchanges  he makes every moment believable . here though  the intense dialogue comes care of confrontations with travolta  as the two send mindful  knowing glares across the room . there are many scenes such as this in the general ', s daughter  in which the veteran cast performs splendidly under pressure  but the circumstances that tie these meetings together are difficult to absorb . director simon west ( con air )  shows a watchful eye of delivering a stylish looking thriller  but he fails miserably when it comes to the intellectual part of it . the general ', s daughter is  more often than not  a predictable and unexciting mess . it does not help matters that the plot is virtually actionless  dragging it ', s heels all the way at a mind - numbing snails pace . a few brief action scenes  marvelously handled in the editing department  show that the movie could have delivered such a more proficient package . from a director who does such a great job of staging explosions and miraculous stunts  i suggest west should stick with mindless  rip - roaring action features and attempt to avoid future projects like this . still  the movie is certainly not without it ', s merits . the acting is very good from the majority of the experienced cast . the performances range from commanding ( travolta ) to electric ( woods ) to stiff - as - a - board ( cromwell  who doesn ', t show off his real talents here ) . madeleine stowe manages to hold her own for a while  but as the female lead in an action - thriller  she doesn ', t pull through sufficiently . one of the problems with the execution is that it ', s very predictable . > from minute one  i had few doubts about the identity of the killer in question . the script even unwillingly points him out for us  using familiar techniques to hide his guilt until the unmasking toward the end . in all fairness  we ', ve seen many of the devices used in the general ', s daughter put to greater effect in other films . the secrets behind the girl ', s mysterious death are explained gradually  but by the resolution we have tunneled through so much malarkey that it feels unnecessary and surprisingly silly . the general ', s daughter is not a terrible movie  and it is involving enough to sustain a viewer ', s attention span for a certain period of time . but it just could have been so much better .
neg at one point in this movie there is a staging of an opera that goes completely wrong . but one member of the crowd stands up and cheers  thinking the performance was planned  and applauding it for their efforts . that ', s " dirty work " in a nutshell . a very different kind of movie . this is not a movie that i can easily review . the critic in me analyzes the structure  plot  acting  characters . . . and tells me this movie is terrible . but the norm macdonald fan in me had me rolling on the floor laughing . this movie plays more like an hbo sketch comedy than a movie . it ', s a one note concept . mitch and sam need $ 50000 in order to bribe a doctor to give their father a heart transplant before other more needy patients . realizing they are very good at revenge plots  they open a revenge for hire business  eventually running afoul of a rich businessman played by christopher macdonald ( who after roles in " happy gilmore " and " veronica ', s closet " seems typcast in this role )  who sends them to destroy a building that mitch learns is the home of his girlfriend ', s grandmother  thus leading them to plot against the rich businessman on the night of the grand opening of a new opera house . first the critic in me . the plot is the standard poor guy vs evil rich guy device  where the main character meets the girl of his dreams along the way . here ', s the catch . none of the characters are sympathetic . they ', re all selfish jerks who don ', t care who they hurt in their attempts to do whatever they want . the jokes are juvenile  crude  appealing to the worst elements in people . there ', s jokes about prostitutes  the homeless  beastiality  anal sex . there ', s even a subplot that ', s developed  it seems  only to make jokes about infidelity and incest . and i loved watching it . i was a huge fan of norm macdonald ', s sarcastic  to - the - point comedy on saturday night live  and this movie is an hour and a half of it . norm macdonald takes a joke  strips it to the core  and tells it like it is with a dry wit . like the scene were he and his friend are learning the ropes at a new construction job . the foreman goes over the basics  which mitch and sam don ', t understand . how do they get out of it ? by admiting they lied on their resumes  and don ', t know a thing about construction ! and surprise  they get fired . the characters are incredibly mean - spirited . there ', s a father who ', s loud and obnoxious  a gambling addicted doctor played by chevy chase who tells sam of his father ', s condition by saying " if i were a gambling man i ', d put a lot of money on death . " the businessman cole who always has his dog spunky  and does who knows what with it . and then there ', s mitch and sam  who  thinking they can get $ 50000 by destroying a building  ponder how their actions would ruin the lives of the residents . " too bad we have to do it  " mitch says . here ', s a movie where every joke that is executed as it is set up  where you see every punchline coming  where every spot profanity could be used and then is used . at least the film is honest  and makes no mistake that it is anything more than idiotic . but at least it isn ', t dull  and it isn ', t predictable . and that ', s the way it should be . it ', s sketch comedy  and if you ', re a fan of norm macdonald  you ', ll love it . the jokes are crude  the characters are mean to the core  the attitude of the movie is that it just doesn ', t care . if you don ', t like norm macdonald  or stupid movies  then you probably won ', t like this one . the jokes are crude  the characters are mean to the core  the attitude of the movie is that it just doesn ', t care . so before seeing this one  tune your mindset  and prepare for a slew of norm macdonald humor  gay animal sex  prison rape jokes  uncaring characters  and one last performance from chris farley . the critic in me says ( * ) but i give it an 8 ( * * * ) . i just couldn ', t stop laughing .
neg the new austin powers film continues a movie tradition begun in the eighties . produce something  anything  that will get the high school and junior high kids in the theater because they buy more soda and popcorn than senior citizens . the usual hallmarks of this filmmaking tradition are all here . gross humor  sex jokes  silly sight gags  more sex jokes . and the film is a strong contender in the current race to be cruder  grosser and more outrageous than that last film . what the film is not  however  is funny . the plot centers around the return of dr . evil  who goes back in time to steal austin powers ', mojo ( a liquid with red stuff in it extracted from austin ', s pelvis ) which gives austin his sexual prowess and the charisma to defeat his enemies . austin must go after him  and returns to the swinging sixties where free love and sexy secret agents had their heyday . i almost avoided this film because i did not like the original . but the films premise sounded like an excellent comic vehicle and the film received many good reviews . i wish i had stuck to my first impression . myers is trying to be the jerry lewis of this generation . and he has the talent to do it  at least as an actor . but the material he is working with here  much of it his own  falls short of anything resembling comic genius . this movie tries to carry the day with sight gags about drinking distilled feces  a five - hundred - pound fat man ', s butt crack  and a barrage of sex jokes aimed at the level of the average 15 year old . after some of these scenes  one has to wonder how gross the next generation of films will have to go to get an audiences attention . the direction also helps the film achieve a new low point in cinematic humor . for the most part  i felt as if i was watching a saturday morning chalderns live action tv show . there is no sense of comic timing or subtlety . the director just throws the material at us  giving us nothing except the hope that anyone with a camera could be a film director . i am sure the film will have appeal to many of the under 22 crowd  at least the one ', s who have yet to discover literacy . certainly the movie is directed towards the generation that prefers everything described as ', in your face  kick you in the teeth  take no prisoners  ( action - verb + blah blah blah ) . ', if you see the film and you find you ', re not laughing  there is nothing wrong with you . it just means you grew up since seventh grade .
neg to sum the entire film " 54 " up in one sentence  it would be : watch a vh1 documentary instead . " 54 "  seems like someone brought william faulkner into 1978  brought him into studio 54  got him really drunk  told him to write about it  and then dumbed that down to be released to the public . a sloppy version of almost stream of conciousness spirals down into an oblivion of the illusion of sex  drugs  and disco . the narrator  shane o ', shae ( ryan phillippe )  works as a grease monkey in new jersey who  of course  on a whim decides to go into new york and try to get into studio " 54 " . phillippe gives a passable performance which could have been made by any young  attractive actor with a six pack stomach . he is let in by steve rubbell ( mike myers )  the infamous co - owner of studio 54  because he is attractive . he eventually becomes a bus boy and then a bartender . . . you expected more  didn ', t you . there isn ', t . the film builds up from nothing and becomes nothing as it ', s climax ( isn ', t that an apt word for studio 54 ) lands with a thud . the glitz of the club and perpetually semi - clothed patrons are used in an to attempt to show the it ', s glamour . for much of its target audience  college age to early thirties  it attempts to show celebrities mixing with " normal people . " this even fails since the only two celebs truly introduced are andy warhol and truman capote . you can be sure that half of the audience hasn ', t heard of them  another quarter only know their names  and the other quarter knew they were there already . the humor  if you can call it that  is built on an eighty year old woman getting high and 70s references like john travolta and olivia newton john making us laugh at how stupid we were back then the best performance in the film is given by mike myers as the perpetually high  sexually ambivlaent  very new york steve rubell . he seems to play rubell better than rubell would if he was still alive . he looks like rubell and sounds just like him while giving a subdued  almost nostalgic performance  when needed . it reminds you of his saturday night live character linda richmond on " coffee talk " sans dress and wig . the supporting cast of salma hayek  breckin meyer  and neve cambell are their only there to give added subplots which are introduced but lead absolutely nowhere . the romance between phillippe and cambell  as a soap opera star  is completely implausable . the two share about half as much screen time as there are shots of the eighty year old hooked on amphetimenes . hayek ', s wanna - be singer seems extremely forced and her husband  greg ( meyer ) stands in as shane o ', shae ', s surrogate best friend . the subplots seemed forced and seem like they have been added just to make sure the film was over an hour and a half long . overall  " 54 " tried to give a view of the brashness of the place where crack flowed like heroin which flowed like wine . the film never leads to anything  has no obserable point  and covers up a lack of real plot with a veil of beautiful people . in truth  that reminded me of the eighies .
neg you know  i never really wondered what the tarzan films would have been like had tarzan been an old man . while watching instinct  i couldn ', t help but acknowledge the way the film carelessly rehashes the well - explored themes of those earlier movies . even beside the tarzan comparison  instinct just isn ', t a very good film . it ', s painfully idealistic  manipulative  and silly . i didn ', t hate it -- it ', s simply impossible for me to hate any film starring anthony hopkins ; furthermore  most of the acting is quite good . but i can recognize instinct for what it is beyond my subjective admiration for the actors involved . i can also recognize reasons for wanting to make instinct  and it ', s pretty clear that this could have been a good film with a massive script overhaul and a director less interested in imitating movies like patch adams . things start off in the predictable way  as director jon turtletaub introduces us to our hero  theo caulder ( cuba gooding  jr . )  an ambitious  young psychiatrist under the supervision of an experienced  old psychiatrist ( donald sutherland ) . caulder soon finds himself involved in the case of his life  the one he thinks will make him famous . the subject is ethan powell ( hopkins )  an anthropologist who has been living among gorillas in africa for the past two years . powell has been charged with the brutal murders of several men in africa  and it ', s now caulder ', s job to find out of he ', s mentally competent enough to stand trial . through a series of short sessions  caulder tries to put together the complex psyche of powell . even though it really is an old man version of tarzan  much of this central idea is rather interesting . as i said  hopkins is captivating for every second he ', s on screen ; he has a way of convincing us that he ', s not acting  that he ', s actually a man who has just spent two years of his life living with a family of wild gorillas . the character himself isn ', t very interesting -- he ', s just an anthropologist who really likes gorillas -- but hopkins makes him interesting with subtleties both in speech and action . gooding jr . does strong work opposite hopkins  playing caulder as an intelligent and flawed individual . the screenplay  written by gerald di pego and " suggested by " a novel by daniel quinn  gives us no background information on caulder  but that seems to be the point ( he has no time for friends because he ', s obsessed with his work ) . nonetheless  these two actors are essentially the entire list of things that are good about instinct . unfortunately  filmmaking this inept can mangle the effect of even the best acting . turtletaub and di pego are both guilty of instinct ', s artistic failure  for they work together to make the dumbest  most cliche - ridden environment in which their characters are to live  and they do so by means of brainless subplots . first  we have the prison warden subplot . the prison warden is evil and wants to stop caulder ', s progress at any cost ; if this means taking caulder off the powell case  then that ', s fine . there ', s also the prison guard subplot . the prison guard is played by john ashton ; the prison guard seems to enjoy mercilessly beating upon the psychotics under his supervision  and he ', s instrumental in helping the story along to its obvious conclusion . then there ', s the daughter subplot  in which maura tierney ( playing the daughter ) must look very upset a lot of the time ; after all  she is the daughter of a deranged man . if some of this stuff sounds familiar  that ', s because they ', re all devices that have been used and reused in countless other films . the evil doctor in patch adams is not unlike the evil warden here . the offensive caricatures of mental patients lack the depth that the similar portrayals in one flew over the cuckoo ', s nest had . ashton ', s evil prison guard pales in comparison to clancy brown ', s in the shawshank redemption . hopkins ', performance will undoubtedly remind audiences of his turn in the silence of the lambs . and then there ', s the whole tarzan thing  which is more than a little bit obvious through the entire film . perhaps what irritates me most about instinct is the half - hearted attempt at philosophical depth . the message powell brings back from the wild is not a subtle one : he thinks that humans are " takers  " that they expand and kill and that we should all just live like gorillas . i can sympathize with that  but only when it ', s in a compelling film . this is the kind of stupid movie -- just like patch adams -- in which a big group of characters ( psychotic inmates  in this case ) rise against the evil forces oppressing them by tearing up playing cards . what does any of this have to do with a man who has just spent two years of his life with gorillas ? if all the subplots of instinct had been left on the cutting room floor  we would have had a thirty - minute movie far superior to the two - hour one that i watched today . if the central idea had been developed beyond the old man tarzan premise  then we would really have had something interesting -- a movie that doesn ', t rely on the strength of its actors .
neg in the finale of disney ', s " mighty joe young  " a 15 - foot tall  2000 - pound gorilla holds a frightened young boy in its clutches as it topples from a crippled ferris wheel and plummets to the ground . upon impact  rugged everyman and perennial do - gooder bill paxton rushes in  containing the emotional crowd with an earnest " move along now folks  there ', s nothing to see here . " ok  so those aren ', t exactly the words he uses  but it ', s probably one of the few clich ? s not uttered in this unnecessary remake of an unnecessary remake of that mother of all monster movies  " king kong . " 1949 ', s " mighty joe young " was an update of that classic creature feature  also based on merian c . cooper ', s original story ( 16 years after " ', kong " it appeared the world was ready for a new take on the beauty and the beast fable ) . now some 49 years later  at least according to disney ', s way of thinking  the world is ready for one more . not so . the only -- and i mean only -- reason to see the 1998 version is for the special effects . and these  unfortunately  run hot and cold . today ', s joe young is designed and produced by special - effects whiz rick baker  who has been wowing audiences with his state - of - the - art make - up effects since 1971 ', s " schlock " ( which  incidentally  featured a baker - enhanced " gorilla " ) . joe is a combination of animatronic effects  computer graphics  and that old standard  a man in a monkey suit . while there are occasional flashes of brilliance -- baker ', s had a lot of practice with simian effects  after all  including " gorillas in the mist  " " greystoke : the legend of tarzan  lord of the apes  " and the 1976 remake of " king kong " -- there ', s also some surprising cheesiness . one of the film ', s most embarrassing moments is when paxton ', s band of african trackers first encounter and pursue the larger - than - life primate ( in a scene unashamedly ripped off from " the lost world : jurassic park " ) . paxton jubilantly extols the beast ', s majestic gait at the same exact moment as joe  and the computer effects driving him  stutter to a halt . also  if the film ', s producers had wanted us to focus our attentions on the titular ape they shouldn ', t have paraded female lead charlize theron ( " trial & error " ) around in a seemingly - endless wardrobe of spaghetti - strapped tops . even joe seems distracted at times . the film piles on the clich ? s like there ', s no tomorrow  including the predictable plot ( anthro - zoologists ship gigantic gorilla to l . a . where urban havoc is inevitably wrought )  predictable villain ( a lithuanian i think i overheard someplace )  predictable love story ( bill and charlize -- surprise ! )  and predictable denouement ( " ', twas box - office receipts that killed the beast " ) . kids raised on " men in black " ( non - monkey effects also by baker ) are going to find ron ( " tremors " ) underwood ', s outing a little lame by comparison . while certainly better than 1978 ', s " king kong lives " ( itself a lousy sequel to a not particularly good remake )  " mighty joe young " proves how the mighty keep falling .
neg an attempt at florida film noir  palmetto fails at the most fundamental levels . it ', s slow moving  uninvolving  and plain just uninteresting . harry barber ( woody harrelson ) is an ex - newspaper man  just out of jail after being framed for a crime . his luck hasn ', t been the best  but things are looking up when a mysterious woman  rhea malroux ( elisabeth shue )  approaches him with a proposition . she wants harry to help her and her stepdaughter  odette ( chloe sevigny )  pull off a fake kidnapping scheme to get $ 500  000 out of her stingy  but rich  husband felix ( rolf hoppe ) . at first  all harry is expected to do is provide a threatening voice on the phone  and to collect the money ( of which he gets to keep 10 % ) . but  as the deed is carried out  things are not what they seem  and harry gets caught in the ensuing storm . palmetto pulls out all the stops to achieve a film noir film  but the effect never quite comes together . it ', s got the sultry florida heat  seductive women  and even curvier plot twists  but the whole thing smells of paint - by - numbers . sure  the right ingredients are there  but the end result is much too artificial . a lot of the problems lie with the script  which  though providing some genuine surprises  is packed full of leaden dialogue and bland situations . even the plot twists don ', t seem to flow well with the rest of the story . some of them  for example  come from so far afield that they seemingly only make sense because the writer needed a twist ( for example : harry ', s spontaneous job offer  or the whole typewriter situation ) . the characters are mostly lifeless  played to type  but not much more . woody harrelson plays harry with such imbecilic thick - headedness that it ', s hard to even picture him as an ex - journalist . elisabeth shue vamps it up  but doesn ', t add anything special to the role . chloe sevigny gives a terrible performance  trying to be a sexy 17 - year old  but she just leaves a bad taste in your mouth . some of the supporting cast ( notably gina gershon and michael rapaport ) give stronger  but  in the end  meaningless performances . and to top it off  the pacing of the film is much too slow . as the movie grinds to a halt  you ', re given too much time to wonder why you ', re wasting it watching palmetto . if you ', re in the mood for this type of movie  you ', d be much better off going out and renting some classic film noir .
neg this film is worth seeing for those who want to see what mick jagger looks like when sporting an abe lincoln beard . the rock and roller is asked to carry the film as the action antihero of australian legend . . . ned kelly  the so - called robin hood of the aussies . but he fails to be convincing  in my opinion he is better suited to play gene kelly than ned kelly . the film opens to a b / w prologue of ned kelly bravely going to his execution . then it goes to technicolor and ned is seen in what goes for flashback  coming home from jail after a 3 - year sentence to see his mom and reacquaint himself with the large kelly family . this scene is set in 1871 . in the background we hear the booming voice of waylon jennings  as he sings shel silverstein ', s lyrics  which tells -- of ned ', s hatred for the british rule and hope for ireland to be a republic . ned says a debt must be paid . . . as he hears voices from his dead father  his class - divided country  and his conscience  all telling him to get revenge . so begins ned ', s romp through australia ', s outback  seeking justice for all the wrongs his people have suffered . he begins by stealing horses  after complaining about the unfair tax law on horses that stray  which favors the rich landowners . when he ', s only 20 he forms a gang  causing him to hide the rest of his life from the police  who put a price on his head of two thousand pounds . when ned ', s mother ( clarissa kaye ) is jailed on a false charge of abetting criminals and sentenced to 3 - 5 years  ned offers to surrender in exchange for his mother ', s freedom . when the authorities refuse  the kelly brothers go on a robbing rampage  burning mortgages of the poor found in postal vaults and murdering some soldiers . rampaging through the outback  they gather sympathy among the poor and lower classes  who don ', t trust the traps ( police ) . spoiler to follow in the next paragraph . in the climax  kelly and his gang plan to ambush a train with british police  but someone kelly trusted tips the police on the train and kelly is trapped in a saloon and captured . ned ', s brothers commit suicide rather than be taken alive . but kelly ', s gang escapes  as ned heroically has the police go after only him and his brothers  as they become decoys . this was a flat presentation  hardly touching an emotional button on what all the fuss was about over ned kelly ', s call for justice . jagger didn ', t have a prayer in succeeding in this dry script offered by ian jones and tony richardson . the story failed to focus on australia  seemingly a more british film than australian . under richardson ', s lackluster direction  all jagger seemed to do  was proclaim his innocence and vow revenge  which soon became a shrill cry . if you want to see a better film about ned kelly  catch " mad dog morgan " ( 76 )  a much truer and more daring version  with dennis hopper giving a much better characterization of ned kelly ', s madness  something this film could only do in a ho - hum manner .
neg i think we should  as responsible citizens  all get together and stop jim carrey from making another movie . he ', s changing the cinema as we know it -- and for the worst . i would willingly rewatch batman and robin rather then again sit through this miserable collection of filmic moments -- prologues  epilogues  etc . the premise : a lawyer can ', t lie for a day . ho  ho . normally a movie made from this premise would be terrible -- mr . carrey suceeds in making it unwatchable . i laughed once -- and i was laughing at the sight of everyone else laughing . grinding doesn ', t begin to describe . it pounds on your head so forcefully and so unstoppably that  if you are a normal person  you leave feeling sick . when it ', s not trying to be funny  it ', s trying to be melodramatic -- but it ', s just annoying  stupid and sappy . at best . this movie is intended to make people laugh  yes  not to be voted best picture of all time by sight and sound . but  it fails on every possible level . it fails to be funny . it fails to be insightful . it fails to be suspensful . it fails to be fun . they should pay people to see it . it suceeds on one level -- it makes me want to get down on the ground and start thanking orson welles  for having lived . if you go in with the intention of coming out alive  please make sure that you are overly fond of boob  fart  pimple and fat jokes -- otherwise you will go insane . yes  literally insane . stark  raving mad . it is boring  stupid  melodramatic and in the end ugly . i reccemond it strongly . to ed wood .
neg the best thing -- in fact  the only good thing -- i can say about dark city is that it made me want to go see l . a . confidential again . or go rent body heat  to see william hurt do some real noir . or even -- god help me -- palmetto . alex proyas ', s new movie screams atmosphere . i screamed  too  " get me out of this theater ! " new line cinema spent millions of dollars creating the expressionistic film noir visuals and paying the actors  and doesn ', t have any way to get it back . i paid $ 4 . 25 for a matinee screening and don ', t have any way to get my money back  either . you ', ll hear a lot from other critics about the look and feel of this movie . i will admit that the cinematographers and costume designers and set artists and cgi graphics geeks all worked hard to create a stunning  nightmarish future world where it ', s always a late night in 1948  complete with rotary phones and automats and fedoras . i ', ve got news for you fellows -- i don ', t care how hard you worked  or how visually stunning this movie looks -- you wasted your time and mine  working on a movie without a plot  without a clear sense of direction of where it wanted to go  without a soul or a reason to care . the movie starts out oh - so - promising . john murdoch ( rufus sewell ) is lying in a bathtub in the sort of seedy hotel that in real life  would have been boarded up long ago . there is a dead  mutilated prostitute in the other room -- a surprise  as he has lost his memory . the phone rings : it ', s a sinister - sounding man  claiming to be his doctor  telling him to flee for his life . all well and good  right ? wrong . apparently  someone decided that the audience was just a bit too dim to figure out the intricacies of the plot . ( this is getting to be a popular assumption in hollywood . ) so  the actual beginning of the movie is not sewell running for his life  rather  it ', s a voice - over narration by the aforementioned doctor ( keifer sutherland ) explaining exactly what is going on and who is responsible . it ', s as though sam the piano player had told us that rick and ilsa had been getting it on in paris in the first three minutes of casablanca . no  wait  that ', s not fair to casablanca . it ', s more like watching a new plotline at the first of the show -- or if you want to know how i really feel  having an off - screen narrator explain that gilligan won ', t be getting off the island in this episode . > from here  the coherence of the plot goes down faster than ( insert monica lewinsky joke here ) . the characters just wander around the city aimlessly and bump into each other for no apparent reason  and that ', s what moves the plot . what we ', re left with is a string of unanswered questions that don ', t make any sense . we ', re given aliens with unlimited omnipotent powers  yet they forget to use them at critical moments and get themselves killed . we ', re given a hero who can " tune " into these same powers  yet he only uses them when it ', s convenient to the plot . we ', re given a whole long list of loose ends that go nowhere usually  critics will say that an actor playing an underwritten part " isn ', t given much to do . " in this movie  no one is given anything to do . sewell is given the impossible role of a man who doesn ', t remember anything  and plays it like . . . um . . . a man who doesn ', t remember anything . the aliens are tall  pasty - faced  and bald  and wear long black cloaks and fedoras to remind us that they ', re evil -- and there ', s a child alien as well  straight out of an anne rice novel . sutherland is saddled with a limp  a twitchy eye  and a breathy accent to remind us that he ', s in league with the aliens . to its credit  dark city boasts two impressive bits of casting . william hurt is perfectly cast as the world - weary inspector charged with catching the man who is murdering prostitutes all over the city . jennifer connelly  playing sewell ', s love interest  is given two all - too - brief moments on screen as a lounge singer -- and turns in the sexiest performace this side of jessica rabbit . but instead of the dogged policeman and the femme fatale given central treatment in the script ( the way they would be in any self - respecting noir movie ) they ', re almost tangiential to the plot  such as it is . the problem with dark city is this : it ', s a bad science fiction movie pretending to be film noir . the essence of film noir isn ', t  as proyas seems to beleive  breathy dialogue or snap - brim fedoras or tall  bald evil villains who would make peter lorre curl up in a corner . dark city has not one bit of intrigue  moral ambiguity  suspense  or anything else that keeps us coming back to the noir classics . dark city is like the intricately carved door that kate winslet floats on in titanic . it ', s an exceptionlly well - made and intricately designed piece of flotsam  sailing around and around the middle of the ocean  going nowhere .
neg you always have to be careful with the first official studio release out of the gate each year . they ', re obviously films for which the studios have no great hopes ( having missed both the deadline for academy award eligibility and the big box - office holiday season ) . combine that with howie long ', s first starring action role  and you ', ve got a doozy of a movie that  while not as bad as it could have been  isn ', t a very good film . howie stars as an ace smokejumper ( a firefighter who parachutes into forest fires unreachable from the ground ) . in the slightly contrived opening scenes  we witness his heroism in action  as he  and his mentor ( played by scott glenn ) attempt to rescue a small girl and her dog from an oncoming forest fire . william forsythe plays the bad guy  a mass murderer who has several million dollars tucked away to help fund his jailbreak . he ( and five convict cohorts ) manages to get selected for firefighting duty when a woodland blaze just happens to ignite nearby . his escape plan bets a lot on the laxity of the guards  but ( since there must be a movie ) luck is with him . soon the now - escaped convicts are masquerading as canadian firefighters . why canadian ? who knows  eh ? along the way they pick up a pretty birdwatcher ( suzy amis ) to be their hostage . enter howie long . he ', s called in to help fight the blaze  and when he spots the group of " ground pounders "  apparently lost  he parachutes in to help . when he discovers their true identity  he is the only thing standing between them and escape  and the only hope of help for the hostage . long ', s acting talents are above those of  say  steven seagal  but not by much . although his delivery is mostly flat and wooden  he ', s a likeable hero  and there are some hints here and there that he may get better . the script doesn ', t help him out any  however . all too often  it veers into the realm of the unintentionally funny . the dialogue is strictly b - movie material  and the plotting relies too heavily on coincidences to be believable . long ', s co - stars are a mixed bag . at least they ', re all comfortable in their respective roles . forsythe has the scenery - chewing villain down cold  down cold  and scott glenn is always enjoyable to watch  even when he doesn ', t seem to be stretching his talents ( as is definitely the case here ) . suzy amis plays peril pretty well  but isn ', t given much more to do . some of the nature and wildfire shots are interesting  but many are rather bland . you ', d think that the director  dean semler  a former cinematographer  would at least produce a film with interesting visuals . that ', s not the case . there ', s a lack of originality to nearly all the sequences . . . we ', ve seen this stuff before . it ', s not the most auspicious start to 1998  but it could have been worse ( just think back to 1996 ', s debut  bio - dome ) . however  after a month of oscar - caliber pictures  a movie like firestorm at least gives you some perspective on how good those movies really were . in fact  there ', s a good chance that some of them are still playing near you . . .
neg synopsis : easily - angered  chainsmoking architect david encounters his homicidal first wife diedre five years after their divorce . diedre easily cons david ', s not - so - bright new wife molly into believing she ', s a child psychologist so that she can influence molly and david ', s quick - tempered son  michael . diedre  at the same time  murders a bunch of people . comments : the ex is a very bad movie . i haven ', t seen a turkey of this magnitude in quite a while . i kept vacillating  however  between giving the ex one star for its sheer awfulness and three stars for its campy humor ( ultimately  i decided to split the difference and give it two stars ) . as summarized briefly in the synopsis  this is yet another spurned - psycho - lover - gets - her - revenge type movie . i ', m not sure how many films have been produced since fatal attraction which use this tired storyline  but it seems like 10  000  000  000 . the ex  however  though following many of the standard cliches of this thriller subgenre  differs slightly from the norm in that  at least  it doesn ', t take itself too seriously like so many other duds do ( malicious and stalked are two examples which come to mind ) . those involved in the movie realize they ', re in a turkey  apparently  and turn in hammy performances which compliment the ludicrous dialogue contained within the script . the ex ', s storyline  as i said  incorporates many cliches predominant in films of its nature ; however  the plot is so overwrought and unbelievable that  after a while  the viewer must accept that logic does not operate in the realm of the movie . diedre  david ', s first wife  kills and kills and kills  for example  without ever having to worry about police investigations and the like ( it ', s not as though she ', s bright enough not to leave fingerprints at the scene of the crime ) . david and his new wife molly have an incredibly difficult time understanding why michael  their son  has emotional problems  specifically his inability to control his anger . though david smokes like tomorrow will never come and blows up at people every other minute in the movie  the connection between him and his son is not made . molly is easily swayed by diedre into believing she ', s a child psychologist and allows the demented woman to spend time with her son . time and time again  things do not add up in this movie . if a viewer can ', t accept this fact  then he will definately not like the ex . if  on the other hand  he can appreciate the movie for its campiness  then he ', ll probably like it much better . i don ', t mean to necessarily suggest  however  that the ex is a memorable exercise in camp . even when viewed from an it ', s - so - bad - it ', s - good angle  this movie isn ', t all that successful . the ex does have its moments  though  almost all of which involve yancy butler ( the psychotic diedre ) and nick mancuso ( david ) . these two actors turn in decidedly hammy performances which  oftentimes  elicit chuckles from the audience . the truly awful lines written for them help this humor along . butler gets the larger portion of bad dialogue ; every time her character kills someone  she has a punchline that ', s unbelievably inane . when she murders a tenant of an apartment she wishes to use to spy on david  for example  diedre whacks the elderly lady with a crowbar and states " i ', m so sorry  your lease is terminated . " or how about when diedre takes out her therapist in another ridiculous scene ? ( diedre ', s therapist wishes to have her recommitted  so she decides to visit diedre  alone  in her new apartment -- never realizing  of course  that it ', s not her ', s . therapists typically are catatonically brain - dead in these movies ) . having successfully snuffed the woman out  diedre looks at the body and says : " what was it that you always said to me at the end of each session  dr . jones ? oh  that ', s right . ', i ', m sorry  but your time is up ! ', " this is what passes for humor in the film . the audience doesn ', t necessarily laugh but groan ( the type of groan that suggests the audience can ', t believe they ', re watching this crap -- although watching it they are ) . nick mancuso ', s chainsmoking  nervous - wreck character does not have the cheesy lines that butler ', s character delivers  but his ridiculously overdone performance provides for some better comic relief . in between drags off his cigarette  for instance  in one of the movie ', s best scenes  david tries to explain to his lawyer what a creep his ex - wife is . in exaggerated exasperation  he nearly shouts " the woman is a cuckoo - bird ! " ( trust me  it is funny in context . ) and so  the movie continues until its painfully obvious conclusion . i won ', t reveal the ending specifically ( though anyone remotely familiar with thrillers of this type could probably guess the ending just from this film review )  but i will say that the ex has one of the biggest fire hazards appearing recently in film . molly and david own a cabin that becomes engulfed by flames in approximately three seconds ! molly  at one point in the film  not - so - brilliantly observes  after discovering diedre has moved into an apartment across from her family ', s to spy upon them  that " she ', s crazy . " you ', d be pretty crazy too if you ', d rented this turkey . i ', d avoid it unless it ', s on tv and you come across it . if you do  you may want to watch it  groan at the bad punchlines and stupid plot  and feel good that you didn ', t spend money renting it .
neg the blues brothers was a wonderful film  a hilarious comedy packed with good music . it cried out for a sequel  but john belushi ', s untimely death seemed to eliminate the idea . however  eighteen years have passed  and the long dormant sequel has finally emerged . unfortunately  it ', s a sequel not worthy of the original . the film starts exactly eighteen years after the first one ended . elwood blues ( dan aykroyd ) is just getting out of jail  his brother jake having recently died . as in the first film  he first visits mother mary stigmata ( kathleen freeman ) and then sets about getting the band back together . john belushi ', s absence leaves a terrible hole in the film  and although three new characters are created to fill the void  it is still very noticeable . first  there ', s cabel ( joe morton ) the illegitimate son of elwood ', s stepfather ( played by cab calloway in the first movie ) . cabel is reluctant to join his destiny  and spends most of the movie as an illinois sheriff  chasing the blues brothers band . next  there ', s mighty mack ( john goodman )  a bartender who becomes the new lead singer of the band . finally  there ', s buster ( j . evan bonifant )  a ten year old orphan who tags along with elwood and eventually joins the band . the plotting of the film is hardly original . . . it seems to be almost a clone of the original . elwood has to go to reluctantly retrieve each member of the band  they then travel  while being pursued by the police  and perform at several odd stops until they finally reach the big concert finale . the first film had neo - nazis as the random element  this time around  the russian mafia and a militia group fill their role . in fact  the duplication of the plot is so ridiculously complete that certain scenes are practically identical to the original . remember the classic performance at country bob ', s ( where they like both types of music : country and western ) from the first movie ? well  this movie has a performance at a country fair  where the band is expected to play bluegrass music . there ', s the massive police car pileup  although this time the gag falls completely flat . there ', s even an exact replica of the conversion scene in the church of reverend cleophus ( james brown ) . there are plenty of recurring characters too . in addition to mother stigmata and reverend cleophus  aretha franklin reprises her role as mrs . murphy . frank oz  a prison guard in the first film  makes an appearance here as the prison warden . as the stars  the new blues brothers don ', t live up to their legacy . aykroyd is more loquacious  yet much flatter as elwood . john goodman barely has a character as mighty mack . joe morton has the deepest character  but not a terribly interesting one  as cab . and what ', s the deal with the orphan ? it plays like a desperate gimmick that doesn ', t mesh at all with the rest of the film . at least bonifant isn ', t as precocious as he could have been in the role . but the true star  and the only saving grace  of the film is the music . and the film is packed with it ( even during and after the ending credits ) . although there are no brilliant mergers of comedy and song as in the original ', s rawhide / stand by your man medley  the music is very much enjoyable . to top it off  the film is packed to the gills with cameo musician appearances . b . b . king  blues traveler  eric clapton  travis tritt  wilson pickett  erykah badu  bo diddley and steve winwood are just a sampling of the multitude of stars that make an appearance here and there . unfortunately  the music pauses here and there to allow in the familiar plot . if simply copying the original blues brothers wasn ', t bad enough  writers aykroyd and john landis dumb it down  removing any memorable characters  and replacing them with flashy  but unbelievable  magical gimmicks . it ', s a shame . buy the soundtrack and avoid the film . better yet  rewatch the original . . . you ', ll have a much better time .
neg michael crichton has had a long career of writing novels  many of which are science fiction . the most profitable film adaptation of any novel was an adaptation of a michael crichton science fiction novel . so in the logic of the film industry a good way to make a profitable film would be to make a big - budget adaptation of another crichton science fiction novel . congo failed  and i am afraid that sphere is probably not going to fare a whole lot better . it a little better than just okay novel and it makes a film that is not even that good . the film is expensive  over one hundred million dollars ; is long  133 minutes ; has a terrific cast  including dustin hoffman  samuel l . jackson  and sharon stone ; but has little that is really original and less that is exciting . several years ago dr . norman goodman ( played by dustin hoffman ) was asked to write up a set of procedures for the government to follow if an alien entity was actually encountered . the plan he wrote was only semi - serious  but did explicitly define a team of experts who should investigate the alien . now that team has been assembled by a mysterious team leader named barnes ( peter coyote ) to study a spacecraft almost a half mile in length that apparently dropped into the pacific ocean in the early 1700s . suddenly norman ', s less than serious procedure has become an action plan for dealing with a real alien spacecraft . included in the team to investigate are mathematician harry adams ( samuel l . jackson )  biologist beth halperin ( sharon stone )  and astrophysicist ted fielding ( liev schreiber ) . together they travel to the deep pacific spaceship to understand its secrets . one major secret is the meaning of the huge sphere of gold - toned liquid metal at the heart of this spaceship . what is disappointing about this film is that it does not have really effective performances . director barry levinson is at his best with good actors rather than good special effects . the problem here is he is making a big - budget science fiction film . it has some effects  but the most intriguing effect he shows only as an outline on a radar screen . the technique is to suggest rather than to show and let the actors and the viewer ', s imagination carry the film as robert wise did with the haunting . that could be a reasonable approach in a low - budget film . but that requires creating much more atmosphere than levinson can manage to muster . it requires the actors to give really compelling performances and simply put  they don ', t . hoffman ', s acting seems muted . jackson seems to laid back . we do not feel for these characters and do not get inside their heads . levinson paid big bucks for his actors and does not really get price performance . and why we have queen latifah as a minor functionary on the expedition is anybody ', s guess . a cast of unknowns could have delivered as much emotional impact at a fraction of the price . look how much more powerful a film like alien was with only moderate actors . most science fiction spectaculars these days have second - tier actors and first - tier special effects . levinson tries second - tier effects  and first - tier actors  but never makes that exchange pay off for the viewer . perhaps sci - fi spectaculars are just not an actor ', s medium . the result gets a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg american pie 2 is filled with laughs . but they are mostly cheap ones built primarily upon sexual degradation and adolescent humor more fit for a locker room than a movie theater . i ', m no prude and i admit to laughing along with everyone else at the preview screening to this sequel to the 1999 hit comedy . but the laughs are built on discomfort and embarrassment  not on any intrinsic humor from within the story itself . what separates american pie 2 from its predecessor is heart . of the original  i noted it was " a warm  pleasant outing about the travails of growing up . " well  the quartet of chums - jim ( jason biggs )  oz ( chris klein )  kevin ( thomas ian nicholas ) and finch ( eddie kaye thomas ) - have grown up . at least they are a year older  but don ', t seem any wiser . fresh from their first year of college the quartet  along with the obnoxious stifler ( seann william scott )  rent a summer house by the lake in order to attract girls in an attempt to score . as usual nothing goes right until the last reel . but what we are left with is five guys spending nearly two hours drooling over various young women . and american pie 2 is rather degrading to women . for the most part  they are not shown as individuals . they are nothing more than potential recipients of over - active  raging hormones . it is telling that the most normal couple  oz and heather ( mena suvari ) spend the bulk of the film trying to have phone sex - she ', s overseas on an exchange student program . despite having been to college  jim is still klutzy and awkward  unsure of himself around the opposite sex . most of the pratfalls and humiliations are heaped upon him  including a painful episode involving an instant glue - like substance . also uncomfortable to watch is a sequence involving three of the lads with two young women roommates  whom the boys suspect of being lesbians . it is offensive and plays upon outdated  adolescent stereotypes to generate laughs . the first film  despite some raunchy moments  had an innocent charm to it . the sequel is more cynical . it knows what its predominantly male audience members want and unabashedly gives it to them : the many mentions of finch ', s encounter with stifler ', s mom becomes a tiresome running gag throughout as does eugene levy ', s return as jim ', s well - meaning  trying - to - be - hip dad . the only performer who is actually given some new  fresh material is alyson hannigan as michelle  the band geek from the original . in the sequel  she imbues her character with vulnerability  wisdom and maturity . american pie 2 is a pre - sold commodity that will earn several million at the box office . it is a shame  though  that in its rush to rake in some bucks screenwriter adam herz  who also penned the original  could not have set his sights higher . american pie 2 is funny  but it ', s still a comedown as well as a letdown .
neg well  what are you going to expect ? it ', s a movie about a big snake that eats people . that ', s what i should have been thinking when i viewed this film  because maybe then i would have enjoyed myself more . instead  i ended up wishing a giant snake would come along and eat me  too . anaconda is about a documentary film crew sailing down a south american river . led by anthropologists dr . steven cale ( eric stolz ) and terri flores ( jennifer lopez )  the crew is attempting to locate a lost tribe of natives . along the way  they find poacher paul sarone ( jon voight )  and become unwillingly embroiled in his quest to capture the elusive anaconda . to simply say that this is the world ', s largest snake wouldn ', t be doing it justice  since the anaconda in this movie is at least two feet wide . if this isn ', t a good reason to avoid picking up hitchhikers  i don ', t know what is . at the beginning of anaconda  we find that flores and cale have had some kind of relationship in the past  but that seems to be more or less over now . i expected that fact to play a key part somewhere down the line  but it ended up being a set - up for nothing . cale chokes on a deadly wasp ( don ', t ask me how that happens - i don ', t know ) and is put out of action  relegated to being the person whom the rest of the film crew must get back to civilization for medical help . this minimally helps to add a sense of urgency for the plot  since this goal now comes in direct conflict with sarone ', s plan to capture the snake . however  this is negated by the fact that cale seems to get better by himself about halfway through the film  and in any event still results in zero payoff from the relationship angle . most bad characters are either annoying or stupid . in this movie  they ', re both . since this description applies to all the characters except sarone  it ', s hard to find someone to root for . you ', re supposed to back the good guys  but you really end up cheering for sarone because he ', s smarter than everyone else . or maybe he ', s just not as dumb as everyone else . at times  i almost found myself rooting for the snake . there are no standout performances here . everyone seems to be reciting lines written for stock characters . even voight appears to be doing his best impression of christopher walken for some reason . no matter  as in most monster movies  the snake is supposed to be the real star anyway . in most of the scenes  the snake is computer generated  and the effects crew did a decent job of making it look real . however  the realism is thrown off by some pretty unrealistic occurrences . sometimes  for example  the snake just moves too fast . it catches a guy jumping off of a waterfall  for crying out loud . then there ', s another scene where the snake eats one of the characters  and we see the snake ', s skin drawn so tightly over its prey that we can see the victim ', s pained expression from within the snake ', s belly . absolutely ridiculous . a testimony to the film ', s bad direction is the inclusion of a scene early on the in the film  where we get to see just how dangerous the mighty anaconda is . in a scene totally unrelated to anything else  we are witness to the big snake winning a showdown with a panther . the anaconda wraps itself around the powerful feline as if it were a stuffed animal and squeezes it so hard  one of the panther ', s eyeballs pops out . eeeewwwww . above and beyond the sick factor  however  this scene surprised me because it actually showed the face of the snake before a quarter of the movie had even passed . in films like these  a sense of mystery surrounding the monster must be maintained . if the characters are reacting to something they fear more than see  we as an audience must experience that feeling along with them . to show us the monster early on is to let us in on something the characters don ', t know about  and therefore allow us to get used to the danger before the pivotal moment when man and beast have their climactic showdown . in a case like that  the showdown just ends up being a letdown . when i saw the snake for the first time  i decided to give the film the benefit of the doubt and assume that the snake i saw wasn ', t the real danger . this one was just a decoy  and there was actually a bigger snake waiting to make its appearance just when everyone thought they were safe . no such luck . okay  maybe anaconda is actually a decoy  and there ', s really a better movie waiting to make its debut .
neg this film is extraordinarily horrendous and i ', m not going to waste any more words on it .
neg midway through " anaconda "  documentary filmmaker terri flores ( jennifer lopez ) turns to a co - worker and says " i thought this movie would be my first big break . instead  it ', s turned into a disaster . " truer words have never been spoken . " anaconda " is a monster movie with a lousy monster . it ', s a suspense film that is utterly predictable . it ', s a mess the film does manage to drum up some scares  but only in the most elementary way  like a jack - in - the - box . as you turn the crank  you ', re totally aware that the damn clown is going to pop up  but somehow it ', s still mildly startling when it happens . the main difference between the giant snake in " anaconda " and the clown in a jack - in - the - box is that the clown is more realistic . " anaconda " boasts some of the worst special effects to appear onscreen in years . animatronic shots of the snake look as phony as any of those cringe - inducing robots you ', ve endured at disney world . but it ', s the computer animated scenes that truly expand the meaning of the word lame . in one shot  a character tries to flee from the monster by diving from a tree near a waterfall  but the giant snake springs out and loops around its hapless victim in mid air . the scene  if done well  would have been a jaw - dropper . here  the horribly bad digital effects look less convincing than a saturday morning cartoon . what ', s really amazing is that the filmmaker ', s were so proud of this dreadful shot that they actually included it in the promotional trailers for the movie . but enough about the phony snakes . now it ', s time to talk about the lousy story . heroic and very pale anthropologist eric stoltz leads a documentary film crew down a brazilian river in search of the shirishama indians  a legendary tribe that supposedly lives in the boondocks of the rain forest . stoltz tells his crew " pray that you didn ', t forget your bug spray . " apparently the female crew members bathed in the stuff  because they spend most of the film wearing skimpy tops and short shorts with no ill effect . along the way  the group rescues a whacked - out lapsed priest ( jon voight ) who claims to know how to find the shirishama . within minutes  they throw away all their plans and follow voight down a tributary into the land of creepiness . from that point on  the film is a hodgepodge of scenes and shots ripped off from " jaws " and " dead calm . " one of the oddest structural points of the film is the handling of eric stoltz . early in the story  his character gets knocked into a coma by a river insect and spends virtually the rest of the movie unconscious . so why did they hire an actor of the caliber of stoltz for what amounts to a cameo appearance ? also  why did stoltz  who generally selects his roles with great care  agree to appear in this crap ? ah  the mysteries of hollywood . the remaining crew members are basically just snake food waiting to happen . jonathan hyde is mildly diverting as a pompous englishman hired to narrate the documentary  but lopez and ice cube manage to rise above their cardboard characters . lopez  who starred in " selena  " is an enormously appealing performer  possessing a vibrancy that makes even the most trite lines seem credible . ice cube has a special charisma ; an ability to look like a macho adult and a frightened boy simultaneously . there ', s also a special twinkle in his eyes  as if he ', s gently mocking his own tough - guy posturing . but the movie really centers around the outrageously hammy performance of jon voight . obsessed with capturing one of the giant anacondas  voight plays the villain in thick accent  with a series of leers and hisses  spouting the kind of dialogue usually heard only in episodes of " jonny quest . " at one point  he looms over the crew and says " the anaconda is the perfect killing machine . it strikes  wraps around you  holds you tighter than your true love . and you get the privilege of hearing your bones break before the power of its embrace causes your veins to explode . " that moment is so high - camp that it almost made the film tolerable . almost . fans of the horror genre may be tempted to check out " anaconda . " don ', t . there are a lots of horror films scheduled for release this summer  including another " alien " sequel . wait for them  rent " jaws " in the meantime  and don ', t throw away your money and time on drivel like this .
neg if the 70 ', s nostalgia didn ', t make you feel old  the 80 ', s nostalgia is bound to . one of the latter set  " the wedding singer  " seems to be written by someone who did not experience the 1980 ', s directly but only read about them in an article in parade magazine . the wacky fashions are here . . . and the music . . . and references aplenty to celebrities and signs of the times  but it all seems tediously - and too obviously - inserted for the didn ', t - we - dress - funny - back - then chuckle . the plot is standard romantic comedy with nothing original : robbie ( adam sandler ) is a wedding singer ; julia ( drew barrymore ) waits tables at weddings . both are engaged ; however  robbie ', s fiance ( angela featherstone ) dumps him at the altar  and julia ', s fiance ( matthew glave ) is a skirt - chasing speculator in junk bonds . robbie and julia go through the expected ups - and - downs as they realize they were meant to be together . i ', ll fess up - i ', ve never found adam sandler funny . whatever his appeal is  i ', ve missed it . ( other comedians i don ', t get include pauly shore and pee wee herman - make your own judgments ) . the stupidity and artificiality of the whole project is summarized in a cameo by billy idol as himself . idol looks like hell  and the ravages of his lifestyle are barely concealed by thick makeup . he ', s mocked by a photo of his younger self on a rolling stone cover in the same scene . we ', re not supposed to notice that  and we ', re not supposed to notice how silly it is that billy idol suddenly appears to play fairy godmother to robbie . other cameos  by steve buscemi and jon lovitz  provide the only real laughs in the movie . lovitz is especially good  playing a rival wedding singer plotting with the mania of a bond villain to take advantage of robbie ', s post - break - up depression .
neg synopsis : nice girl susanne has sex with her boyfriend daniel in his car  visits daniel ', s rich family during thanksgiving at their mansion in the middle of nowhere  and has sex with daniel again in the basement . susanne and daniel must then decide where to hide from evil art thieves who shoot everyone else in the mansion to steal paintings . brace yourself for one of those painfully obvious " surprise endings . " comments : thanksgiving . for most  it ', s a time to be with your loved ones and enjoy a good  home - cooked meal . for the makers of body count  however  thanksgiving is a time for multiple murders  violence  profanity  family dysfunction  and sex . boy  do i feel all the more better having sat through this crap . alyssa milano  the former child star of who ', s the boss ?  matures to made - for - video sludge like this movie . someone somewhere thought it ', d be a great idea to pair her with rapper ice - t  who has since guest - starred in the made - for - the - sci - fi - channel series welcome to paradox . this isn ', t exactly a winning combination . outside of permanently ruining a holiday for me  what else may be said for this turkey ? well  it teaches us that beautiful  attractive women who look strikingly like alyssa milano fall in love with nerds who drive down long winding roads with their eyes closed and complain about being english teachers . it presents us with a heartwarming thanksgiving dinner attended by alcoholic  stuck - up rich white people waited on by black servants . it shows us that old guys  try not to laugh  sit around and talk about " the appeal of postmodernism " during their free time . and  it proves that you can have sex in your parents ', basement when they have a dozen or so guests over  and no one will notice . before i go any further  if any young male reading this has hopes of seeing alyssa naked  forget it . the filmmakers cleverly shoot the simulated sex scenes in a manner that makes sure you don ', t see any of milano ', s attributes . they do  however  inexplicably throw in a scene where ice - t whistles " jingle bells " after killing people  for whatever that ', s worth . this film was originally titled below utopia . perhaps they should have renamed it hell . avoid this clunker .
neg well lets see . . . i ', m not quite sure how to review this film  based on its laughter factor . well yeah i can  it ', s not funny . ok so i laughed one time which warranted the 1 / 2 star  but other than that i sat in my seat wondering when this pos would be over  ( which at a running time of 107 minutes seemed like forever ! ) . in fact  this could be the un - funniest movie i ', ve seen in a long time  if not the un - funniest . let me be the first to say " ready to rumble " is a huge disappointment . long time wrestling lovers ( david and scott ) dream of making it to the wcw  and watching jimmy king wrestle . that is their hero of course  whom is kicked out of the wcw . well here is where the plot thickens ( lol ) : the two wish to rescue the king  and put him back into the wcw but not that easily  because they are being tampered with by many people who are out to get them  while david ', s father wants him to become a police officer  and scott is a loser who has to with the help of david clean out johnny on the spots . what a plot eh ? " ready to rumble " is one of those films that tries to be funny  but sadly fails miserably  everything in the film is imcomprehinsable  and even the trailer wasn ', t funny . the actors are dull  the script awful  and the plot which there isn ', t much of . . . . really annoying . i ', m not quite sure how great actors like these  and very funny actors too  are given such a lame script  and directed in such a childish manner  that i wonder if hollywood is ever gonna make good films these days . this review isn ', t going to be very long because of the fact that there isn ', t much going for the film  if anything at all . only one big laugh is in the film  which isn ', t all that hilarious . i sat in my chair wondering with this 107 ( ! ! ! ! ! ) minute " comedy " was going to be over  and sadly it went on forever . i ', m not sure if anything could have saved this film from being such a total waste  but believe me you  it is . reviewed by brandon herring 4 / 29 / 00 for more reviews please visit movie review central at http : // www . geocities . com / moviefan983 / moviereviewcentral . html
neg 14 years ago  national lampoon introduced us to a new family - the griswolds . in 1983  the griswolds embarked on a cross - country journey with the destination of wally world  a world - renowned theme park in california . we laughed our heads off as we shared the wild and crazy mishaps the family endured . two years later  we watched again as they went to europe  and four years after that  we shared christmas with them . now  eight more years have passed  and the laughs have done more than die . they ', ve been cremated . vegas vacation brings back chevy chase as clark griswold  the good intentioned but ill - fated father of two . the premise is basically the same . clark has a wonderful idea to take his family on a bonding vacation  this time to las vegas . his wife ellen ( beverly d ', angelo ) and teenage kids rusty and audrey ( always played by different actors - this time around  by ethan embry and marisol nichols  respectively ) join him and they soon find themselves in sin city where casinos will make the backdrop for ninety minutes of slapstick . of course a " vacation " movie wouldn ', t be complete without good ole eddie ( reprised by randy quaid )  the misfit cousin  showing up at all the wrong times . there isn ', t too much of a plot here when it comes right down to it . it ', s really just a skit movie . there are a couple of ways to define a skit movie  which is not a real term as far as i know . the first would be a movie that basically has one running gag for two hours  therefore coming off like a two hour skit . the second would be a movie that seems comprised of about twenty shorter skits  each lasting about five minutes . vegas vacation comes off like the first . a good example of the latter would be last year ', s black sheep . the problem with this format is that it becomes old fast  and it doesn ', t really fit into a movie mold . in these cases  a " plot "  which is generally very thin  is used either as a shameless filler between scenes or to simply add convenience to the gags ( i . e . have a good vegas joke  make a vegas movie ) . such is the case with this movie ', s mini - plots . clark gets gambling fever and begins spending all of the griswold ', s money  ellen is on the verge of an affair with wayne newton ( ! )  rusty has a fake id and is using it to his gambling advantage  and audrey is desperate for fun and winds up joining her cousin vickie ( shae d ', lyn ) as an exotic dancer . the simple fact is : this movie isn ', t funny . at first  i did find myself chuckling heartily at a couple of little jokes  but when the movie got rolling  my interest suddenly stopped . chase plays clark griswold really well . he made the character and he is the character . d ', angelo  to be quite honest  never was too impressive as ellen  and this movie doesn ', t show any signs of redemption . as for the two new griswold kids  the word " blah " comes to mind . the " vacation " series seems out to prove that anybody can play these two characters  the simple reason being that there is nothing to them . they ', re so generic  you ', ll expect the credits to read " girl # 1 as audrey griswold " . vegas vacation differs from the first three in the series by more than just laugh factor . yes  it ', s true that vegas vacation isn ', t even close to being close to being as funny as the others  which were actually pretty fun in their own doofy ways  but there are a couple of other things that set this one negatively apart . first off  why did they leave off the national lampoon ', s heading on the title ? i couldn ', t find any reasons why  but maybe the fact is even national lampoon didn ', t want to be associated with such a lame film . that ', s saying a lot  especially when you look at what else the company has proudly presented : loaded weapon 1  pcu  etc . if they expected this to be another hit  you would assume they ', d be proud to tack on the notorious header  but for reasons only we can guess at  like the movie sucking  they didn ', t . there is another difference here that makes an obvious impact . the first three films in the " vacation " series were written by john hughes  a talented writer who is behind several popular films of the 80 ', s including mr . mom  sixteen candles  the breakfast club  weird science  pretty in pink  ferris bueller ', s day off  planes  trains  and automobiles  and uncle buck . wowzers ! what a r ? sum ? ! looking at the names  you ', d think this guy wrote everything that now stands as a movie icon for the 1980 ', s . well that ', s not all . this guy also brought us 90 ', s hits including the home alone series  the remake of 101 dalmatians  dennis the menace  and the current flubber . vegas vacation  however  didn ', t have john hughes behind it  and the loss is very obvious . this time around  the script is in the hands of elisa bell  whose only credits thus far include four made - for - tv movies . vegas vacation plays very much like one  and it would actually work much better as a made - for - tv sequel . if this sounds like a wild idea  it ', s not . revenge of the nerds third and fourth installments were both television movies  and they seemed like it . vegas vacation would fit in well on the fox network as a 2 : 00 a . m . sunday morning movie  but as a silver screen major motion picture  it ', s quite out of place . stephen kessler ', s jejune direction doesn ', t help things either . he only makes the film even more tv - movie - ish . each consecutive " vacation " movie has suffered a drop in directing power . we started the series off with harold ramis  who also directed caddyshack and groundhog day as well as co - writing ghostbusters . not too bad . then we had national lampoon ', s european vacation being directed by amy heckerling  who would go on to direct the hits look who ', s talking and clueless  as well as having already directed the infamous fast times at ridgemont high . lastly we had national lampoon ', s christmas vacation  directed by jeremiah s . chechik  who went on to direct the charming benny & joon . kessler  so far  has one title under his belt  the short film birch street gym  which received an oscar nomination in 1992 . granted that this was his first attempt at a feature length film  we can allow for some amateurish quality  but instead we get a movie straight from the text book - boring  bland  and deeply unoriginal . if you loved the " vacation " movies  and i know * some * of us did  there still isn ', t anything here worth seeing . if you loved them  don ', t ruin your good impressions of the series by indulging in this tragic example of cinema ala carte . if you never did like the series  why the need to confirm why ?
neg plunkett & macleane marks the directing debut of jake scott  brother of ridley and tony . naturally  this got me worried . would jake ', s talent be inherited from ridley or tony ? if it was from ridley  than the movie would be a thoughtful suspensor with action thrown in . if it was from tony  it would be wham bang drivel . unfortunately  the latter is true for this worthless picture with little charm . carlyle and miller are the titular highwaymen  plunkett ( carlyle ) who is poor and unruly  and captain james macleane ( miller ) a clean cut gentleman . as the tagline clearly wants to make known  they rob the rich and nothing else . the film basically follows the rowdy hold ups the two stage  along with romantic interludes with lady rebecca ( tyler . ) hot on both their tails is mr chance ( ken stott ) who wants to see them both dead . plunkett & macleane is an annoying little film that serves little purpose . although undoubtedly slick and fast paced  there ', s very little merit contained in the film . carlyle and miller are fun enough as the foul mouthed pair  although their characters are criminally undeveloped . it appears that much of the money has been spent on the expensive looking sets and costumes  but not on the script . the five ( ! ) screenwriters ( three credited ) have produced an still born movie : there ', s very little development in the story . also  major events  such as mr . cash finding out who plunkett and macleane really are  are so rushed that they barely happened . the story is a bit of a mess  frankly . the performances aren ', t bad : carlyle and miller are typical lads  but liv tyler is a huge disappointment as the love interest . her irritable  stilted performance sticks out like a sore thumb  and i was quite unsure on what accent she was trying to put on . she looks nice  though . more interesting is alan cummings as the campy lord rochester  and although his character amounts to nothing more than a two dimensional comedy gay character  he hams it up well . ken stott is suitably evil as chance  but again he is nothing but a flat character . i didn ', t particularly care when the predictable death sequence arrived . although a disappointment in writing  and a minor success in acting  the film certainly look lavish  with good costumes  and wonderful sets . but production design alone can ', t save a movie  especially a movie as bad as this mess . jake scott would be more suited to directing a music video rather than this failed update of a period drama : the only update seems to be the fact that everyone must talk dirty  with ', f * ck this ', and ', stand and f * cking deliver ', splattered all over the place . the mtv editing and direction are flash enough  but in the end decidedly empty . plunkett & macleane is a massive disappointment . although somewhat enjoyable during parts  it ', s so light it could float off the screen if it wasn ', t just images on a reel . there ', s no thought  no development  no plot  just a series of manic edits and quirky camera angles to make this film appeal to gen - xers . although it ', s a great idea : update a period drama to the mtv generation : it ', s execution is awful  and would more likely bore than excite . sloppy and occasionally off puttingly tasteless  it ', s hard to recommend plunkett & macleane as a movie  but easy to recommend it as a overlong music video . give it a miss .
neg capsule : silly and inane adaptation of gibson ', s short story  which is nowhere in sight . gibson ', s script only adds insult to injury . johnny mnemonic is an awesomely bad movie . i say " awesomely " because it ', s one thing to fail  but another thing entirely to fail so completely that even the chances for camp value are sabotaged . keanur reeves ( who is terrible ) stars as johnny  an " information courier " who can carry dozens of gigabytes of data in his head . he is given " one last job " ( whenever you are in a movie and you hear those words  run )  which involves him shoving so much data into his cranium that it could be lethal . one of the neater touches that the movie brings in is that the only way he could make such an arrangement work was by ditching all of his childhood memories  but it ', s only followed up on in a token fashion . for his trouble  johnny gets chased by the yakuza  who seem to be the new bad guys in all the high - tech thrillers . what ', s funny is that if you watch gangster movies made * in * japan  there are whole gobs of details about genuine yakuza behavior and ethics  but of course there ', s no room in this movie for any of that . the yakuza are simply used to point guns  wave swords  flaunt tattoos  and grimace menacingly . ( i could go on about how gangsters and criminals of many other ethnicities have gotten thoughtful examinations in the movies -- bound by honor  sugar hill and american me come to mind -- when asians remain perpetually stereotyped . but that ', s another essay . ) anyway  johnny runs and eventually winds up in newark . why newark ? maybe because it was cheaper to fake a future newark than a future new york  that ', s why . there  he meets an assortment of odd characters ( ice - t  dolph lundgren and henry rollins play a whole gallery of weirdos ) . the script deals with them with all the depth of pieces of furniture . it turns out ( what else ? ) that the data in johnny ', s head could save a lot of people  but of course johnny only wants it out of his head so it doesn ', t kill him . handled right  this could have been absorbing  but the script manages to mangle any chance of real sympathy for johnny at every opportunity . the details about the look and feel of the future are all phoned in from other  better movies -- blade runner and brazil come to mind . everything looks run - down and scummy  everyone dresses like they ', re punk rockers  and videophones are commonplace . snore . the only really interesting flourish is an extended depiction of the way the internet might work in the future ( complete with vr goggles and feedback gloves )  but i kept thinking that it was more like what some relatively un - technical fellow would * think * it would look and behave like . a hacker of johnny ', s caliber would be blasting away with one command - line function after another  instead of wasting all this time twiddling with holograms  but of course that ', s not cinematic . whatever . what went wrong with this movie ? gibson wrote his own screenplay  which i guess is part of the problem : what works as a short story doesn ', t work in a movie . his ear for dialogue is terrible and the plot doesn ', t advance  it convulses . from the script on out  it was probably all downhill . renting the movie to make fun of it is sort of pointless ; there ', s no fun in kicking a wounded dog  is there ?
neg i didn ', t hate the big hit  even though it is a stupefyingly terrible film . for the entirety of its running time  my eyes were attached to the screen  and i never once got bored . i found the film interesting because of its unique awfulness : this is such a confused disaster of a film that it ', s entertaining to watch it in the same way that it ', s entertaining to witness a thirty car pileup on a freeway spaghetti bowl . as a narrative  the big hit is pure garbage  never truly deciding its genre and constantly crossing all kinds of boundaries . it reminded me a lot of grosse pointe blank  which is a similar film that fails in a lot of the same ways . it ', s fine to mix genres  if the film makers know what they ', re doing . unfortunately  writer ben ramsey and director kirk wong don ', t seem to know how to handle the material  and the result is an action film that wants to be a comedy . the biggest problem with the amalgamation  in this case  is that the film is absurd and the comedy is out of place . but it sure is a fascinating failure . marky . . . er  mark wahlberg stars as melvin surley  a hitman . he ', s a good hitman  apparently  although his tactics seem a bit rambunctious ( he doesn ', t snipe or make clean kills -- he just kicks the door down and shoots everything ) . he works with a few other hitmen -- cisco ( lou diamond phillips )  crunch ( bokeem woodbine )  and vinnie ( antonio sabbato  jr . ) . they ', re a nice bunch of muscular guys  who stand around in the locker room after working out and compare masturbation to sex . they all work for a man named paris ( avery brooks )  who is rich  powerful  and in constant need of four sloppy hitmen . it is very important that they never go beyond their boss and do work on their own ; this  of course  is where the plot comes in . they decide to kidnap a young japanese girl named keiko ( china chow )  who has a rich father . when they do this  it turns out she is paris ', . . . goddaughter ! it ', s very bad to have paris against you . the story is standard action film stuff . it ', s nothing new  and nothing particularly offensive ( but certainly not the slightest bit compelling ) . clearly the major selling point of the big hit is that it ', s a john woo - type of action film mixed in with some really hip comedy . it ', s true that a lot of the action sequences resemble recent films that go for the same idea ( such as face / off and the replacement killers  which are both far superior ) . there are stunts that are fun to watch : the opening sequence has melvin and two of his partners going in to kill some guy who has nothing to do with the story . they use night vision goggles and really powerful handguns . melvin is also very good at breakdancing  and uses this talent to avoid bullets and knives . like i said  it ', s not boring ; most disasters aren ', t . what makes it so bad is its genre - shifting madness . it seems to start out as a quirky - but - realistic action comedy  as melvin is seen transporting bags of human remains . then  as soon as they go to their first hit  it turns into a music video with bodies and bullets flying everywhere . then  somewhere in between  it turns back into comedy . keiko turns out to be a spunky little girl ; in one amusing scene  she is forced to read a letter out loud  indicating that she has been kidnapped  but the letter is littered with grammatical errors that skew the meaning of the words . and scenes like this work alone  but wong applies this goofy tone to scenes that should be more serious  or not be in the film at all . one of the most irritating moments has paris ordering cisco to come up to his office after he learns that keiko has been kidnapped ; when cisco gets there  paris and his men are standing around as if they knew cisco did it  but they let him out of there  telling him to find the perpetrator . the scene is played for laughs  but it isn ', t funny . and since it doesn ', t quite work as a comedy  it tries to fall back on the action  which also fails . this is a film where people fly fifteen feet backwards when shot with a handgun . cars land on tree branches and are supported by them . characters betray each other without a second thought . grenades are thrown in tight places . people jump out of tall buildings and survive . people outrun tumbling cars  and get out of the way of falling objects in small fractions of seconds . most frustrating of all  though  is the film ', s definition of a hit man : these guys are anything but subtle  quiet  and skilled individuals . they ', re more like socially depraved militia men ( melvin has an extensive collection of firearms in his garage  including missile launchers and hand - held machineguns ) . the characters each have one trait that distinguishes them from the rest ; this obviously doesn ', t make for deep or interesting people to watch . the acting is kind of fun  though -- wahlberg is a good actor  and his innocuous presence in this film is charming in a silly sort of way . phillips certainly has fun with his psychotic character  while christina applegate  who plays melvin ', s fianc ? e  is convincingly air - headed . the big hit is an action film that unknowingly spoofs itself in trying to be funny . the funniest parts are supplied by the actors  and not by the numerous failed attempts at sight gags and one - liners . it ', s a true disaster  one that makes me believe that the goofy and unrealistic tone is completely unintentional . despite all this  though  i must reiterate the entertainment value here . you can cherish the awfulness of a film like this . if you embrace the big hit for the catastrophe that it is  you just might enjoy yourself .
neg when the film features richard lynch in the role of chief villain  you know that you can expect nothing more than a b grade action movie . however  since this film also featured michael madsen  more than capable character actor  this time in the role of protagonist  the author of this review decided to give the film some benefit of the doubt . however  the very first scenes show clear b grade action credentials - madsen plays richard montana  tough policeman who raids a drug warehouse and make life miserable for local crime lord mario gio ( played by lynch ) . however  the raid was only partially successful  and montana is getting the rap . so  he begins his own private war against gio  trying to penetrate his organisation pretending to be corrupt . in the process  he meets gio ', s mistress gina zamora ( played by rosie vela ) and starts relationship with her too . although it doesn ', t stink like many of the similar films can  inside edge is mostly forgettable b grade action routine . nobody in this film actually puts much effort  including madsen or lynch  and this is especially case with uninspired screenwriter william tannen or director warren clarke . the only not so forgettable element in this film is presence of former supermodel rosie vela  who  apart from showing her more than impressive looks  shows some of the singing talent too . however  this isn ', t reason enough for viewers to spend hour and half watching a film that they would  in most likelihood  forget the next day .
neg what are the warning signs of a * terrible * movie ? making it ', s debut at the dollar theater ? locally  chairman of the board did just that . having the annoying prop comic scott thompson ( better known as carrot top ) in the lead role ? chairman of the board  once again . how about an overly exhausted  paper thin plot approached with utter incompetence ? did somebody say chairman of the board ? that ', s right  carrot top ', s long dreaded major motion picture debut ( at least for a starring role ) is poking up in a handful of theaters across the country . chairman of the board stars the obnoxious  wannabe - zany king of redheaded standup comics as a lazy but creative  inventive but uneventful generation x - er named edison . living with a pair of surfer dudes in a small  rented house  edison bounces from job to job  always squandering away the money on his eccentric ( to say the least ) inventions and ignoring crucial responsibilities such as rent . this has the crabby landlady  ms . krubavitch ( estelle harris  best known as george constanza ', s mother on " seinfeld " )  threatening an eviction if past due expenses aren ', t furnished post haste . as luck would have it  edison soon meets armand mcmillan ( jack warden )  an old surfer dude who just so happens to be president of the multi - million dollar mcmillan industries . sharing a passion for more than just riding waves  armand is deeply impacted by the young inventor ', s notebook of dreams and ideas  and when the old man dies soon afterward  edison learns he is named a benefactor in armand ', s will . predictably  edison acquires the entire corporation and has to maintain productivity with absolutely no knowledge of the business world . predictably  there is a bitter nephew ( larry miller ) whose lesser inheritance fuels resentment that will lead to an elaborate sabotage plot . predictably  there is an attractive employee ( courtney thorne - smith ) whose initial repulsion will transform into love for our doofy protagonist . predictably  the man who knows nothing will fight against the odds and give the company it ', s most profitable and successful turnaround ever  all because he ran things by common sense and not greed . it ', s as though writers turi meyer  al septien  and alex zamm ( meyer and septien also wrote leprechaun 2 together ! ) pulled a plot out of a hat and worked carrot top into it . the jokes  the " surprises "  the developments - all of them run such a predictable path  it may only be carrot top ', s signature brazen red hairdo that sets this one apart from the myriad of similar films . a movie this bad speaks for itself . what ', s left to say when every element the movie possesses is a shameful retread of movies past ? the script is 100 % recycled  the direction is hokey  and the acting is absolutely horrible . it is only thorne - smith who seems to take her job seriously  an accomplishment which surely deserves the medal of honor . she certainly went beyond the call of duty - she has to kiss carrot top ! ! ! ! ! ! ( barf bag  please ! ) movies like this give the audience nothing to do but ponder just how many synonyms for " bad " there really are . chairman of the board  without a doubt  deserves each and every one . the only way this won ', t end up on everybody ', s " bottom ten of the year " list  is if they were lucky enough never to have seen it . just because you can ', t miss his outlandish fiery mane  don ', t skimp on avoiding this abhorrent feature .
neg you don ', t look at a ren ? magritte painting and search for a deeper meaning . you likewise don ', t look at one for 88 minutes straight . surrealist works are notable for their quirks  and they are fun  but looking at one quirk for an hour and a half is exhausting . that was my experience with i woke up early the day i died  a surrealistic  hyperactive comedy with no dialogue . it ', s not a silent movie ; there is lots of atmospheric music  occasional screams and weird sound effects  but nobody ever utters an audible word . though the film is distinctive  its unique style wore thin after about 20 minutes  and as it progressed  watching became a chore . the only reason the script ever got filmed is because it was written by the pseudo - legendary ed wood  the man behind such " classics " as plan 9 > from outer space and night of the ghouls . the joke  of course  is that his films are so bad  they ', re good ; so humorous in their inanity that they become hits . i woke up early the day i died  unfortunatly  is so bad that it ', s really bad . it stars billy zane ( titanic ) as a dangerous lunatic who overpowers a nurse  escapes from a mental hospital and proceeds to wonder around  stealing a car  clothes  and a load of money . our thief reaches a cemetery  where he witnesses a bizarre ritual . he falls asleep and finds himself  literally  in a hole  with his money gone . for whatever reason  he is bent on getting his hard - unearned cash back ( considering how easily he stole it the first time  why didn ', t he just go steal some more ? ) . he comes upon a list of the people who were at the mysterious ceremony and commences to seek out each of them and kill them if they don ', t have what he is looking for . i don ', t think either director aris iliopulos nor ed wood realized that this would have made a glorious 20 minute short . the subject and the style seem to have been made for it . unfortunately  twenty minutes worth of material is stretched out to more than four times that length  and the film simply overstays its already dubious welcome . it grabbed my attention in the beginning and gradually lost it as it went on  up to the point where halfway through i was already weary . it might seem odd that a film as furiously paced as this one can be so tedious ; but the surprise will wear off when you consider how repetitive it is . i woke up early the day i died is a comedy  i guess  though it could have fooled me . unlike most ed wood films  this one tries to be funny and fails  instead of the other way around . there ', s nothing inherently wrong with that  in fact  i think it would only make sense for someone who has been so " good " at making unintentional comedies to take a stab at a real one . whether wood actually went for comedy in his script we ', ll never know  but in either case  this is a failure . jonathan taylor thomas  christina ricci  summer phoenix  john ritter and others show up for short and pointless cameos . ricci  for example  plays a prostitute . her role consists of dancing around with zane in his motel room and then being thrown out . thomas is an astonished onlooker as a woman gets thrown off a cliff . was the home improvement teen heartthrob really that desperate for work ? zane  meanwhile  occupies himself by making weird faces at the camera when he is not called upon to run around wildly and beat people up . lack of dialogue makes him the ultimate caricature . the carnival side - show climax manages to demonstrate everything that is wrong with this no - budget production . it ', s desperately unfunny  but thinks it ', s the funniest thing since plan 9 ;  it ', s so spontaneously surrealistic it makes your head spin all while being confusing enough to make your head spin twice as fast in the other direction . i hope another film is made from an ed wood screenplay for i woke up early the day i died is not a fitting send - off . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
neg well  as i check my score card for what i ', ve done this holiday weekend  it reads good ideas : 0 and dumb ideas : 1 . i don ', t know what i was thinking when i decided to watch this movie . but in my defense  i can only say that it was someone else who urged me to see this with him . the film that i ', m talking about is ` a night at the roxbury  ', one of those offerings based on a saturday night live skit . wayne and garth  these two are not . rather  we meet doug and steve butabi ( the actors ', names are not worth mentioning )  two eternal partyers whose greatest ambitions in life seem to be finding a way to get into the hottest night club in the city  the roxbury . driving in their dad ', s bmw and donning metallic disco suits right out of miami vice  they try to bribe the bouncer to get into the club . ` have you met my friend washington and his friend roosevelt  ', they confidently say as they pull out spare pocket change . their second greatest ambition seems to be oozing out as many silly pick - up lines as is humanly possible in order to start a conversation with a girl ( ` let me see that label . just as i thought - made in heaven  ', says one of the brothers ) . and  like the losers that they are  they fail to do either for much of the film . however  as fate would have it  an accidental meeting with ` what - ever - happened - to ', richard grieco gives them the all - important ticket to get in . their sad lives take on a whole new direction . they make an important contact with the club owner who believes that these two brothers have uncanny insight into the club scene . and they are mistaken as rich swingers by two voluptuous young women . but their newfound popularity does not impress their father  who has other plans for them . the unfortunate thing about this film is that this is a one - joke movie  and the brothers are the joke . actually  there ', s about 10 mintues worth of tolerable stuff . alas  too long for tv and way too short for a feature - length film . thus  there just isn ', t enough material to sustain the 83 - minute movie . there ', s no plot to be found and everything that these two do seem to culminate in an opportunity to execute their trademark move of snapping their heads in unison to the funky beat of haddaway ', s europop song  what is love . i was amazed that none of the two suffered from whiplash . to take up more film time  there is a subplot involving the daughter of the businessman next door who wants to marry doug . this creates not only friction between the brothers  but their unlikely pairing will also agitate audience members as well . she ', s educated and a forebearing witch . meanwhile  doug is a complete loser . how did these two ever get together ? i suppose that if i can ever figure out the answer to that question  i ', ll have figured out why i decided to go and see this movie . if you ', re looking for entertainment  you won ', t find it at the roxbury .
neg terrence malick made an excellent 90 minute film adaptation of james jones ', world war ii novel . unfortunately  he buried it within an overlong and overreaching 3 - hour long pseudo - epic . this is a shame because the film features an outstanding performance by nick nolte . the best scene is when nick nolte ', s character  lt . col . tall  is forced to deal with the direct refusal by capt . staros ( elias koteas ) to execute an order . nolte ', s reaction and transformation may be the best work of his career . had terrence malick concentrated on the great performances of nolte and koteas as well as those by sean penn  woody harrelson  and john cusack  he could have made a truly great film . instead  malick saddled the film with plodding pacing  unnecessary flashbacks  and a voice - over narration all designed to telegraph the great philosophical underpinnings of the story . the narration was especially annoying as much of it sounded like very bad high school poetry . with a lot of editing  the core story could be transformed into a truly classic war film . hopefully  the dvd version of this film will feature options to suppress the narration  and perhaps will even provide for an alternate  shorter version of the film . i give this film .
neg i cried during _babe_ . i admit it . the special effects  the story  the great dialogue were woven together so delicately and successfully that my mind lost track that this was a " children ', s film " -- so much so that  yes  i got a little overly sentimental . such  my friend  is the power of cinema . when word came out that they were using this newly developed f / x for a doctor dolittle update  in which eddie murphy plays the title character  and many great comic actors supply the voices  my anticipation rose to great expectations . they can ', t possibly drop the ball on this one . can ', t miss . can ', t possibly miss . they missed . what went wrong ? after much thought  i supply three general rules . ( 1 ) don ', t let a television actress - turned - comedy movie director near an urbanite script ( i . e .  penny marshall ', s dreadful " preacher ', s wife " ) . betty thomas worked wonders with " the brady bunch movie "  but the same sitcom - airiness doesn ', t quite work here . it ', s as if she lifted a generic sitcom  and iced it with light doses of modern r & b . take away the black cast  take away the atrocious soundtrack  and you have the residue of some mid - 80 ', s kirk cameron show . ( 2 ) the greater the cast  the less the individual cast - member has to do ( i . e .  " con air " ) . it is great to have the comic voices of jenna elfman  garry schandling  john leguizimo  ellen degeneres  and gilbert godfried in your lineup  but they have nothing to do but improvise their underdeveloped  stereotyped characters  one - line - at - a - time . it ', s even worse  because sometimes their voices are so unrecognizable that you don ', t get the satisfaction of linking the voice to the comedian until the credits . now there are three character actors who do get special treatment : albert brooks brings dignity to nearly every project he ', s in  and the scenes as a depressed tiger do resonate a certain poignancy . norm mcdonald fares nearly as well  as a stray dog who learns to bond with dolittle . but there ', s little humor here . that rests on the shoulders of chris rock  sorely miscast and unfunny as the voice of their wise - ass guinea pig . even the mouth is ill - synched . ( 3 ) don ', t let the special effects technicians walk away with the script . there ', s a certain timing that ', s mandatory in comedy . to have this timing usurped by the brilliancy of computer generated mouths or lifelike creations of jim henson ', s creature shop  is a travesty . this is not to say that special effects filled comedies or muppet movies aren ', t well - timed laughfests ; with the right director  they can be and have . here  betty thomas is clearly over her head . i wish i could commend the special effects  but they ', re merely average . count the number of times where the animal ', s mouth is turned away from the camera  or too far to notice  or ill - synched . this is less a " babe " and more of a " look who ', s barking " clone . you may be wondering  ', how does eddie murphy fare ? ', well  he came back with the exceptional " nutty professor "  and i don ', t doubt he can come back again . here  he ', s tied into a straight man and given little to do . the exceptions are when he fears he ', s going crazy : a far cry from his smarter - than - you ', d expect routine that he ', s more adept at . it ', s unfortunate that he is where richard pryor was ten years ago  making lame comedies without the same bite he had given in his early years . after all this  what ', s left ? butt jokes . a _lot_ of butt jokes . i guess for kids that may be funny  but i was stone - faced . if there ', s a lesson the film may be telling us  is that animals have feelings too  and they care way too much for your butt .
neg saw an advanced screening of the movie sniper last night  and i have to say i wasn ', t too impressed . this film is about an expert marine sniper  played by tom berenger  who is teamed with a hot - shot - young - no - experience - never - killed - a - man new partner to take out some drug - kingpins and military strong men in panama . sound cliche ? that ', s only the beginning . billy zane ( memphis belle ) played the rookie  and never seemed to get a handle on his character . he was so contrary and pig - headed in the beginning  you just wanted to smack him . then he goes " crazy " from the pressure  but seems to immediately snap out of it . i ', m not sure if the blame should lie with the directing  editing  scriptwriting  or acting . . . but it didn ', t all come together . i think berenger is a pretty good actor  and he looked great in the part  covered in camo  face painted  stalking through the jungle with his high - power rifle . . . but once again  his character was given some pretty bad dialogue  and didn ', t react too logically to many of the situations . there was very little logical development in these characters . my biggest problem with this film was it ', s tendency to put these two snipers in as * many * inches - from - death situations as possible . they began to resemble g . i . joes  the greatest american hero . and of course their almost supernatural accuracy with their guns was called upon to get them out of far too many close calls . now a lot of movies are stamped out of this mold  in fact that ', s what made die hard so much fun : the super - hero avenger type . so some will enjoy the action hero heroics  but i didn ', t think it fit with the nice tension that was built up in the earlier scenes  and the " real life " feel of covert operations in panama . a word must be said on the camera work  much of it was very nice . the jungles of panama ( or their stand - ins in this case ) formed a very picturesque background . . . and the drama of speeding bullets was captured using some nice trick photography . many have seen the slowed down " bullet - cam " following the projectile to its target . this was used well in the beginning to show the feverish nightmares berenger gets when remembering the moment of the kill . it was dramatic when used in flashback . . . but it seems the director liked the technique so much he started inserting these shots ( pardon the pun ) into the real time action . . . then it just seemed silly . all in all  not a real dog : there is some nice action  good atmosphere  and pretty photography . but the plot is pretty lame  the acting didn ', t form a cohesive whole  and far too much thisclosefromdeath heroics .
neg an 18 - foot - high  43 - foot - long dragon is the computer - generated co - star of this strictly - by - the - numbers sword ', n ', sorcery flick . as voiced by sean connery  " draco " is a surprisingly expressive creation who is well - deserving of his 23 minutes of screen time . he walks  talks  flies  fries  and even fakes his own death  all with the help of 96 computer - aided animators . too bad that ilm ( industrial light and magic ) couldn ', t spare some special effects for dragonheart ', s * human * co - stars . a bearded black hole exists where dennis quaid should be . he ', s a near - total loss as he growls glumly through his role of a disillusioned knight . david thewlis ', evil king has a high hiss factor ( hf )  though he ', s more of a mumbling oddity than anything else . oh  and there ', s some redhead in a ', 90 ', s wig  who runs around either screaming or scowling  depending upon if the particular scene has her playing the woman in peril or the put upon peasant . the fringe flourishes include pete postlethwaite as a wandering monk with literary ambitions  julie christie ( ! ) as the good queen mother  a band of mercenaries that appear dressed for ye olde heavy - metal concert  and  believe or it not  the speaking spirit of king arthur . bring out your dead ! unfortunately  when we add it all together ( draco + fringe bits - quaid - thewlis )  the sum total amounts to zero . dragonheart is  well  too much of too little . director rob cohen ( dragon : the bruce lee story ) has made a big  expensive movie that  while ambitiously plotted  is both murky and predictable . and overscored . and self - important . and the list goes on . ( i must ask : did screenwriter charles edward pogue intend that * every * character be stabbed  lanced  or sliced at least once ? keep that man away from the knife drawer ! ) the last five minutes of this movie are the worst  with some silly celestial nonsense that would be laughed out of any planetarium light show  much less a summer movie . save your money .
neg 1989 ', s " major league " was a delightful surprise . i didn ', t expect much of it when i decided to watch it on cable  but it proved to be fresh and funny . however  when the appeal of a movie is its freshness  the sequels are virtually guaranteed to be stale . that ', s certainly true of " major league ii " and the most recent entry  " major league : back to the minors . " the title is  of course  a contradiction . shouldn ', t it be " minor league ? " that contradiction suggests the lengths to which writer / director john warren has gone to squeeze a third movie out of the formula established by the first movie . original stars charlie sheen and tom berenger ( who returned for " major league ii " ) are not around  leaving corbin bernsen the only original headliner to make the third movie . the other veterans who return ( dennis haysbert as voodoo - inspired batter cerrano and takaaki ishibashi as tanaka  who was introduced in " league ii " ) seem to be around just to lend legitimacy to the enterprise . the only returning cast member who produces any laughs is bob uecker as radio announcer harry doyle  inexplicably broadcasting the games of a minor league team far from his home turf . the protagonist this time around is retiring pitcher gus cantrell ( scott bakula )  who is hired by minnesota twins owner roger dorn ( bernsen ) to manage the twins ', aaa team  the buzz . you can write the movie from here : he finds a group of misfits who need to learn how to play together as a team in order to win . there ', s a future superstar whose ego keeps him from growing ( walton goggins )  an ex - ballet dancer ( kenneth johnson )  a broken - down old timer ( thom barry )  twin outfielders both named juan ( the difilippo triplets )  and a couple pitchers with throwing problems ( judson mills and peter mackenzie ) . along the way  gus picks up cerrano and tanaka ( gus is supposedly an old teammate of theirs  even though he wasn ', t in either of the preceding films ) . sum total : none . the entire enterprise is artificial  and the cast is not ready for the hollywood majors . gus ', antagonist is twins manager leonard huff ( ted mcginley ) . leonard is a slimy  sniveling little egotist  and the twins are lazy  spoiled  and full of themselves . ( even watching the first movie i wondered why any real - life team would lend itself to being caricatured in this manner ) . gus challenges leonard to a match  the buzz vs . the twins . ( wanna guess who wins ? ) " back to the minors " is a movie that has no reason to exist . there ', s hardly a laugh in it  the cast is weak  and the first movie left no room for even one sequel .
neg * * * the following review contains some harsh language . . . but what did you expect when you clicked on this title ? * * * cast : kristen holly smith  danica sheridan  alex boling  michael dotson  sonya hensley  janet krajeski  sabrina lu  dionysius burbano  calvin grant  jeff b . harmon written and directed by : jeff b . harmon running time : 97 minutes " the thought of losing you makes me all vomity inside . " --- blatz balinski ( danica sheridan ) laments the fact that her lesbian lover  april ( kristen holly smith )  has just received a telegram from her ex - fiance . isle of lesbos is an incredibly offensive musical comedy about april pfferpot ( smith )  a resident of the small town of bumfuck  arkansas who is about to get married to high school sweetheart and football hero dick dickson ( michael dotson ) . when april gets extreme cold feet she runs home  sticks a gun in her mouth  and pulls the trigger . instead of killing herself  she is magically transported through her mirror into the isle of lesbos  an alternate dimension where lesbians rule and no men are allowed ( except for lance  the homosexual toilet cleaner / slave ) . april loves her new home and friends  but dick and her parents are not so ready to give her up . mr . and ms . pfferpot ( director jeff b . harmon and janet krajeski ) decide they need medical help so they enlist the aid of dr . sigmoid colon ( also jeff b . harmon )  who claims he can cure homosexuality . in actuality  dr . colon is homosexual as well and begins his special " treatment " on dick dickson ( unbeknownst to dick ) . when april turns down dick ', s demand for her to return to bumfuck  he decides to take matters in his own hands and attack the isle of lesbos rambo - style . instead of leveling the place he falls in love with lance ( alex boling ) and the two of them  along with april and her lover blatz  get married . ( note to the filmmaker : why did the character of lance make asides to the camera followed by silence that i ', m assuming was inserted for the purpose of waiting until the laughter of the audience had subsided ? ) april ', s parents  feeling like there is no recourse  call in a favor to president clinton and send a nuclear bomb ( whose circuitry inexplicably is made up of a homosexual performer ) their way . the bomb is a dud thanks to the work of the " circuitry " and they re - wire it and send it back to washington d . c .  destroying it . mr . and ms . pfferpot give up trying to get their daughter back and instead decide to join her as they have some alternative sexual practices of their own . i ', m not sure if writer / director / co - star jeff b . harmon was purposely trying to offend people because he believes in some of the ideas his movie presents or if he was just going for cheap laughs . either way  he manages to present some of the most offensive material i have ever seen in a movie . the film opens with a preacher running a small african - american child out of town  and then later moves on to the hanging of a michael jackson impersonator by the ku klux klan ( during a jaunty musical number )  preceded by remarks about " gays and straights finally being able to put their differences behind them and work together to hate others  such as the jews " . if harmon was merely trying to point out how idiotic society can be  then i apologize for being so harsh on elements of his film  but it is presented so mean spiritedly that i can ', t help but feel like he had some serious intent . as for the entire central theme of the movie  i ', m afraid that it ', s one that i just don ', t get . i tried to keep an open mind while watching it  but the homosexual elements were just too prevalent for my tastes . it was hard enough to watch them bash other races and sexes without them preaching about the virtues of being homosexual and accepted by society . how does one expect to be accepted if they are just as guilty of non - acceptance ? i ', m not prone to judging anyone and i believe that people should be free to explore whatever avenues they wish free from the scornful eye of society  but don ', t force your particular rhetoric down my throat if you aren ', t going to show the same respect for my preferences that you wish from me . again  maybe i ', m missing the satirical point that harmon is trying to make  but if so  i think it could have been handled a little more tactfully . as far as musical comedies go  isle of lesbos is no trey parker and matt stone musical  but a good portion of the songs are maddeningly catchy . despite the disturbing visuals  " mom and apple pie " stuck with me for the rest of the day . speaking of disturbing visuals  " wedding bells ain ', t ringing " could have been a decent song  but the accompanying visuals of spousal abuse are more harrowing than this film should be displaying . " i ', m a lesbian " ( which is touted in the press release as being particularly popular ) is also pretty good  but a good portion of that could be due to the stellar singing voice of ms . smith . it ', s mainly on her excellent vocals that my rating of this film is based . the other performers are decent  save for the rosie o ', donnell like performance given by danica sheridan . i have no inherent problem with her character ; it is just her singing voice that leaves little to be desired . one particular musical number  " lesbian rock "  was one of the lowest points i have ever experienced in my film - going life thanks to a strained and lackluster vocal job by sheridan . the film ends about twenty minutes before the credits actually roll . the remainder of the running time is padded out with a few more songs ( " lesbian rock " included ) and the ridiculously presented anti - nukes message tacked on to the end for no reason other than to make it a feature length film . once the " isle of lesbos reprise " was reached  i felt the story had already been wrapped up well enough to end it all . why was the film needlessly stretched out past its obvious end ? isle of lesbos is available on videocassette from www . indie - underground . com . the transfer is pretty clean ( and all the detail of the wrinkled cloth and paint backdrops are readily apparent ) and the film is letterboxed at approximately 1 . 85 : 1 . in many respects  isle of lesbos has incredible cult potential ( like a rocky horror for the new millennium ) . this film is by no means my cup of tea  but i know there are those out there who will enjoy it . if you think it might be for you  then by all means seek it out . i  on the other hand  will be cleansing my palette with a good action film like gladiator . . . wait . aren ', t gladiator films considered to be . . . oh  never mind .
neg one of the indicator of badness in film is the hype being remembered more than film itself . such was the case with boxing helena  1993 directorial debut of jennifer chambers lynch  daughter of the great david lynch . made in the dying years of post - twin peaks lynch craze among movie snobs  it was hyped as another  " warped  twisted masterpiece " of lynch clan . kim basinger also provided extra publicity by quitting the lead role and being sued for the breech of contract . but  the result was extremely disappointing film  which quickly sank into well - deserved oblivion . the movie protagonist is nick cavanaugh ( played by julian sands )  talented surgeon who is getting obsessed by helena ( sherilyn fenn )  beautiful woman who ditched him after brief affair . cavanaugh stalks her and uses every opportunity for the pathetic attempts to re - establish the relationship . during one of such occasions  helena is hit by a car  and nick quickly takes the role of her personal physician in order to have his way with her . after she wakes up  helena discovers not only that she is prisoner in cavanaugh ', s stylish residence  but also that cavanaugh amputated her legs in order to prevent her from escaping . she is still trying to escape  so cavanaugh takes off her arms . apart from casting sherilyn fenn ( audrey horne in twin peaks and small cameo in wild at heart ) and the use of twisted characters and their perverse fantasies  this film by ms . lynch hasn ', t got anything in common with the works of director ', s more talented father . despite rather bizarre subject  the style of this film is conventional and setting is light  characters are beautiful - but the result at the end is quite sterile and the film in the end looks too artificial for dark sexual fantasy it was supposed to portray . jennifer lynch obviously lacks talents in directing and it becomes painfully obvious in the scenes that are supposed to erotic - its banal artificiality is even bellow the standards of playboy videos . the actors aren ', t good either . julian sands is terribly miscast as emotionally disturbed man - this actors is best either when he plays charismatic protagonists or villains ; being neurotic doesn ', t suit him . bill paxton was better for this role  but his presence was wasted in forgettable and unnecessary subplot dealing with helena ', s boyfriend . sherilyn fenn contributed to this film mostly by her looks  but even the her greater effort in acting couldn ', t help this film . the screenplay  on the other hand  is awful  at least for someone who had made best - seller with laura palmer ', s diary - the events in this movie are implausible  characters come and go without purpose and many unnecessary subplots only slow down the film and add to the total confusion . one of those subplots involves character of cavanaugh ', s " regular " girlfriend  played by betsy clarke . the twist at the end  although unpredictable  is unbelievable and the viewers  who had the stomach to endure entire film  would feel cheated . all in all  boxing helena is disorganised quasi - artistic mess of a movie that should be remembered as nothing more than one of the wiser decisions in kim basinger ', s career .
neg let ', s get this one over with as quickly as possible . if there was a possibility to receive a refund  this review would not be forthcoming . but as it is  " godzilla " is without a doubt the loudest  longest  and ultimately most amateurishly written film ever released through a major studio . producer dean devlin and director roland emmerich should be ashamed of themselves  and as penance be forced to return to film school to watch " last year at merienbad " until they can grasp the idea of content and plot . no amount of hype  no amount of money can hide the fact that these filmmakers are the 90s equivalent to william beaudine ( billy the kid vs . dracula ) . " godzilla " opens with stock footage of the bikini atoll nuclear tests interspersed with footage of iguanas playfully swimming and nuzzling their eggs . we are then introduced to the crew of a japanese fish canning ship ( a questionable enterprise considering that tuna processing is supposed to be supervised to eliminate the netting of dolphins ) . well  the ship is attacked and sunk by an unseen creature . later  a group of frenchmen led by philippe roache ( jean reno ) interview the sole survivor . in a state of shock  the only thing the man can utter is the word " gojira " ( the japanese name of the famed beast ) . we are then introduced to dr . nick tatopoulos ( matthew broderick  with a moniker obviously taken from the effects designer of the film ) . he is currently studying the effects that the chernobyl disaster has had on the local earthworm population . he is immediately drafted by the u . s . military and taken to panama where he is shown the huge footprints of a creature . in a short amount of time  another fishing boat ( loaded with canned tuna from the u . s . and korea for some reason ) is found grounded in jamaica . well  it seems that whatever is eating these ships is headed for new york . when the beast finally appears  he tears up one building  stomps a couple of trucks and makes life hell for the incumbent mayor ebert ( thumbs up for new york ) . the military  with dr . tatopoulos ', s help  have two tons of fresh fish dumped in the middle of new york to lure the beast out of its hiding place in the new york subway system . it finally comes crashing through the city streets and has a cute face to face with dr . tatopoulos who snaps the beast ', s picture . the monster eats the fish  the military starts shooting  and the chase is on  with the army causing 90 % of the ensuing damage . working from a hunch as to why godzilla has decided to come to the big apple  dr . totopoulos buys a few home pregnancy kits from a local drugstore that has chosen to remain open ( even though new york has been evacuated ) . well the test proves that the monster is a hermaphrodite and is pregnant . needless to say  no one believes the good doctor about his discovery  so he must join up with the renegade french secret service agents and find the monster ', s nesting site and destroy the eggs before the mayor starts letting the populous back into the city ( even though the monster isn ', t dead yet ) . i sincerely hope that i ', ve completely spoiled any interest anyone might have of seeing this film . i gave away the relevant plot so that i could spare those of you courageous ( or foolish ) enough to drop down an hour ', s wage on this tripe . everything about " godzilla " reeks almost as bad as the piles of rotting fish used to trap the beast . the script ( and let ', s be clear here ) by devlin and emmerich is so full of plot holes and non characters as to be sure to be the recipient of next years " razzie " award . the dialogue between maria pitillo ( as audrey timmonds  dr . tatopoulos ', estranged girlfriend ) and mr . broderick is so adolescent  it makes teenagers giggle in disbelief ( as happened during the screening i witnessed ) . the film could be enjoyably campy if it didn ', t take itself so damn seriously . but to what end  as there is no commentary on humanities foibles against nature  nor is there any reference about godzilla being some sort of retaliation against mankind . no . godzilla is just a big dummy that got knocked up by some french immigrants and decided to let the state of new york pay for it . the film is bleak and ugly looking . taking place at night during a rain storm  the movie has little or no depth . everything is ugly and dark . new york has never looked so inhospitable since " death wish " . in an attempt to give the film some color  audrey timmonds carries a bright red umbrella which is unique in that everyone else in the film carries the standard gray issue . the only moment of composition and color is during the brief scenes on jamaica  where dr . tatopoulos finds himself standing in a giant footprint . the scene is nicely photographed but poorly set up . you know from the outset that nick is standing in a footprint . for a scientist  this is very poor observation . let ', s look at some of the more interesting plot holes in the film ( this activity  is becoming almost as popular as the kevin bacon game ) : 1 . ) why does the french nuclear tests only affect one clutch of iguana eggs  and how do those eggs fuse into one beast ? 2 . ) why would a cold blooded creature choose a cold climate ( such as new york ) to nest ? i don ', t think iguana ', s have a habit of migrating . 3 . ) how can godzilla crawl through the new york subway system  slice a submarine in half  yet be unable to extricate himself from some thin ( in comparison ) steel cable on the brooklyn bridge ? 4 . ) the brooklyn bridge is the only suspension bridge in existence that does not need it ', s suspension cables . 5 . ) did godzilla carry all two hundred eggs in her belly ? if so  then radioactive mutations surely are wondrous creatures . ( note : each egg is 10 feet tall and almost as wide . godzilla would have to be over 1  000 feet tall to carry them all ) . 6 . ) godzilla can crush ships and eat helicopters  but new york cabs are made of stronger steel . 7 . ) godzilla can out maneuver helicopters  bullets  torpedoes and missiles  but can ', t catch you on foot . 8 . ) taxis can out maneuver godzilla . 9 . ) godzilla can burrow through the subway system but can ', t tear through the park avenue tunnel . 10 . ) why was nothing else mutated by the nuclear test as quickly as godzilla ? maybe a giant hermit crab in the sequel . 11 . ) galapagos iguana ', s actually live in the french polynesian islands ? 12 . ) why was dr . tatopoulos brought in by the military if they were not going to listen to him anyway ? 13 . ) how did they evacuate new york island in less than a day  and how did they convince those new yorkers to go to new jersey ? 14 . ) new york television stations use vhs tape for both filming and broadcasting . new yorkers hate beta cam . i could go on and on  but that would only serve to make the film seem more enjoyable than it is . don ', t be fooled  this film has less gray matter than any episode of " america ', s funniest home videos " . the performances in the film are singularly bland . not one performance belays any awe or fear in the face of this two hundred foot tall terror . the characters  in the midst of the onslaught  have time to stop and discuss the lack of good coffee  failed relationships  career choices . the only common occurrence that doesn ', t take place here is having one of the characters have a bowel movement  but then that would have made them believable . godzilla for the most part is okay . the design of the beast is funky  if not very memorable . one thing that comes to mind -- the major redirection of godzilla in this film is to remove his most familiar trademark  namely his atomic breath . now  i for one can ', t quite fathom how you can call this monster godzilla without that little trait . a good comparison would be to make a superman film and eliminate his ability to fly . there is so much wrong with this film that i can ', t really recall anything recently that has left me this cold hearted ( except for my divorce ) . any film that can have a two ton lizard slipping on gum balls has got to be envisioned under the influence of prozac . the addition of the baby raptors ( ah  i meant godzillas )  are nothing but a direct rip off of ', jurassic park "  but with none of that film ', s suspense or tension . suffice to say that  " godzilla " is without a doubt the most brain dead motion picture of the decade . this is a film that needed the hype . with the current level of writing and directing  nothing else about the film succeeds . if you ', ve seen the trailers  you ', ve seen the best parts . my only suggestion for mr . d and mr . e . is that they could always go back to selling shoes . . this film could be the next " rocky horror " . only it ', s not funny !
neg woody allen is one of the most successful artist - directors in hollywood  but he is becoming less and less reliable as a filmmaker . in his early years of film - making he mastered the simple comedy . from there he went into a second phase and took risks experimenting with different approaches and styles . some of these work better than others . zelig and crimes and misdemeanors are the work of a creative and intelligent artist . deconstructing harry goes to the other extreme and is a bizarre experiment demanding more of the viewer than it gives back . harry block ( allen ) has in his life only two drives . he wants to have sex with as many women as possible and when he makes a mess of his life and those of his lovers he wants to retreat into his writing . the story of this static and highly unsympathetic character is told with a number of often clumsy stylistic experiments . perhaps the most irritating device is to express the disjointedness of harry ', s life by editing harry ', s scenes putting in cuts in the middle as if to show missing time with something edited out . as a writer  harry puts his friends into his books in the thinnest of disguises . the film dramatizes incidents from these supposed books and cuts between his real story line and fragments from harry ', s books with different actors playing the real and fictional people in harry ', s life . these fragments are frustrating in their lack of completion  but even more frustrating is the bringing of the characters out of the fragments into scenes with the real characters . it is up to the viewer to keep track not just who is fictional and who is real but also to keep straight who is the fictional doppelganger of which real person . if that sounds complicated  it is . then as another device in one of the stories  an actor seems to have the peculiar property that he has gone out of focus and can only be seen in blurry image . harry sees this as a metaphor for his own condition and himself goes blurry for a short time . as if these touches did not create sufficient confusion  the story is told out of chronological order . if allen were giving the audience a story that was worth decoding  any and all of these stylistic touches could be excusable . but allen puts the audience through all of this to give us a portrait of harry block who is a selfish manipulator who is not worth the effort to understand . deconstructing harry is set at a time when harry ', s old college  the one that expelled him when he attended it  wants now to honor him for a lifetime of writing achievement . harry is searching among his friends to find one who will go with him . just why someone who is so unwilling to commit to a relationship with anyone suddenly needs the support of someone else is unclear . harry tries his current girl friend fay ( elizabeth shue ) only to find that she is about to marry harry ', s old friend larry ( billy crystal ) . block would like his son hilly ( eric lloyd ) to accompany him  but hilly ', s mother  previously first harry ', s psychiatrist and more recently his wife  refuses to let her son see his father . another friend richard ( bob balaban ) would go but has health problems . harry also considers bringing a prostitute cookie ( hazel goodman ) . it is interesting that allen should introduce another likable prostitute so soon after mighty aphrodite  but cookie is considerably different -- black and a lot brighter than mira sorvino ', s character in the previous film . while the comedy sequences are never complete  a few are elaborate and some quite funny . the centerpiece of the film is a journey into hell with allen playing a sort of orpheus rescuing fay from the clutches of the devil  who looks a lot like larry . that story also is left uncompleted  perhaps to show harry ', s unwillingness to commit even to telling a story . the linchpin that was needed to tie together the stylistic quirks of this film was a central character who changes and who gives us something about which to care . that character is patently not the one allen creates in harry block and not the characters around harry as seen through his acerbic eyes . allen can do much better than deconstructing harry . i rate it a 3 on the 0 to 10 scale and a - 1 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg here ', s a rarity : a children ', s film that attempts to tackle a weighty subject  is there a god ? done well  it could have been a gem among the wasteland of modern children ', s cinema . unfortunately  it isn ', t . with jumbled messages  and an unclear audience  wide awake was better left asleep . fifth grader joshua beal ( joseph cross ) is in the middle of a moral crisis . his beloved grandfather ( robert loggia ) has died  and joshua has begun a quest . he wants to find god  to discover why bad things happen . this religious quest is slightly disturbing for his parents ( dana delany and denis leary )  but they do their best to cope with their son as he explores different religious faiths . at his catholic school  his favorite teacher  sister terry ( rosie o ', donnell )  tries to give him guidance  but this is a journey he must make on his own . meanwhile  he is having the most momentous year of his life . he has several adventures with his daredevil best friend dave ( timothy reifsnyder )  he gets his first crush  and begins to wake up to the world around him while he is on his spiritual journey . it is somewhat confusing as to what the real audience for wide awake is expected to be . on its surface  it appears to be a kid ', s film . however  it deals with serious issues  and is likely to be boring for today ', s instant - gratification kids . and while it might seem heartening to see that someone is trying to produce something thoughtful for the kidvid audience  wide awake asks serious questions  but only delivers a cheap gimmick for an answer . if there were a bit more meat in the story  adults on a nostalgic bent might get a kick out of the movie . the actors who might have created a great cast ( o ', donnell  leary and delany ) are wasted in roles that amount to little more than cameos . the nostalgic elements ( best friend  favorite teacher  first crush  etc . ) have been done much better in other movies  and actually seem more like filler here . the film ', s strongest scenes are some touching flashbacks depicting joshua ', s relationship with his grandfather . they show more depth than is present anywhere else in the movie . maybe the film would have been better if  instead of playing the relationship through flashbacks  it were set entirely during joshua ', s last year with his grandpa . it certainly would have been more entertaining . wide awake can best be described as a failed experiment . it starts out with noble aspirations  but never delivers on its promise . parents who do take their children to see this one ought to be prepared to answer some tough questions . . . that is if their kids aren ', t bored to death first .
neg there ', s no reason to doubt that donnie brasco is based  as its opening credits proclaim  on a true story . but if it ', s an accurate picture of life on america ', s mean streets  than cinematic depictions of organised crime have had a much stronger basis in reality than i would have previously thought . for from the film ', s outset  when a group of hoods jocularly trade differing opinions on the merits of various automobiles ( not unlike a number of movie lowlifes who recently gave a madonna song a close reading ) donnie brasco resembles more than passingly a few gangster flicks once believed to be works of fiction . our eponymous hero ( johnny depp ) is not the cheap crook he first appears to be . brasco is joseph pistone  an undercover fbi agent who has the task of chumming - up to lefty ( al pacino )  a seasoned hood who tutors pistone in the art of being a " wiseguy " . regrettably  pistone learns his lessons all too well . his concern for lefty  who is burdened with a heroin addicted son  exacerbates his own family troubles : his children resent his lengthy absences and his wife fears that her husband ', s gangster persona is becoming a little too convincing . true  the focus on pistone ', s family life does deviate from the typical gangster - flick formula  but this subplot never rises above its television drama origins . the unhappy couple trade predictable lines and engage in drawn - out domestic squabbles ? including an ill - advised marriage guidance routine ? that slow the film down unnecessarily . the biggest problem with donnie brasco  however  is that its wiseguy attitude and style lacks the flair of its many predecessors . the awkward use of an occasional disco tune momentarily reminds us its the 70 ', s  but not with the consistent and blindingly tacky style ? i loved those fluoro coloured suits ? of scorces ', costume drama casino . more importantly  pacino ', s presence triggers memories of his earlier movie triumphs in which similar territory was covered far more effectively . donnie brasco ', s take on american values  for instance  is feeble and obvious . lefty rambles out dreams of material betterment to the accompaniment of grating inspirational music . inexplicably  lefty ', s horatio alger inspired gush is supposed to move us . it doesn ', t any more than his family troubles do  which are dealt in the same saccharine and obvious manner as pistone ', s . just think a minute on how these themes were explored in the godfather movies and scarface . in these pictures pacino ', s dedication to a peculiar and bloody hyper - capitalism was twisted and confronting  while his dogged application of macho wiseguy procedure meant that his relations to friends and family was intriguingly dark ? neither were spared bloody retribution for breaching wiseguy regulations . donnie brasco ', s tawdry little crime  therefore isn ', t so much its repetition of familiar gangster themes  but the shameless way in which it sanitises them . ( oh and by the way  i forgot to mention that the script also sports a startling subplot : pipstone ', s superiors are obstructive incompetents who are infuriated by his constant insubordination ? is that a " damn you mcbain ! " i hear from springfield way ? ) so the movie is cliched . big deal  what do you expect from a gangster - flick ? well you expect quality action sequences and bravado performances in abundance if its going to be a decent example of the genre . donnie brasco fails on both counts . the action scenes never rise above the ordinary and depp ', s woeful performance tends to smother the good - work of his comrades . admittedly  pacino does nothing new and michael madsen ( sonny ) simply smirks his way through the picture like a slightly subdued mr . white  but both possess an unmistakable sly charm . depp usually exhibits a bit of class himself  but regrettably  being in the presence of one of his betters must have left him star - struck  for he is completely hell - bent on mimicking pacino ', s well - earned high style . the consequences are painful to watch . its no exaggeration to say that the film ', s credibility is seriously strained by the sight of the pistone family ', s uncanny ability to keep a straight face in front of their breadwinner ', s phony brooklyn accent . perhaps we should take pity on the makers of donnie brasco . maybe a scrupulous adherence to pinpoint accuracy demanded tiered dialogue and scenarios weakly reminiscent of classic gangster flicks . if this is indeed the case  surely the makers of donnie brasco could have explored the fascinating possibility that america ', s underworld is committed to emulating  albeit in heavily attenuated form  their movie namesakes . depp could have poignantly played a simple cop who becomes a hideous parody once he is forced to mimic big - screen gangster greats . who knows what insights into the criminal psyche could have arisen ? but then again  perhaps donnie brasco isn ', t so true after all .
neg these days the lack of originality in hollywood reflects itself in the deluge of remakes . but  only a few years ago  before wes craven publicly made fun of the practice  sequels had been more popular among hollywood producers . sequels also used to be popular among directors and movie stars whose careers went south . the way to regain popularity and prestige  they thought  was the use the same formulas  characters and story lines that brought them success in the first place . one of such celebrity was eddie murphy  black comedian of 1980s whose career was in big decline during the first part of this decade . in order to return to the spotlight  he chose to resurrect the franchise created by his most popular film  beverly hills cop  1984 action comedy that had already spawned the sequel in 1987 . seven years later  for the third instalment  he used the directorial service of john landis  another fading star  with whom he successfully collaborated twice - in trading places and coming to america . this time  however  third time wasn ', t the charm and beverly hills iii was failure . eddie murphy had to wait few more years for real comeback . eddie murphy here plays axel foley  fast - talking streetwise detroit policeman  who raids illegal chop shop . the routine police action ends in tragedy  when the criminals kill foley ', s boss . determined to bring the killers to justice  foley realises that their leader is ellis de wald ( timothy carhart ) . when it turns out that de wald happens to be security chief for wonderland theme park in los angeles  foley goes back to los angeles . there  with the help of his old friend  local policeman rosewood ( judge rheinhold )  foley would clash with money counterfeit ring . ten years has passed since the original and times are definitely different . in this decade  the contrast between blue collar detroit and yuppie beverly hills  which provided a lot of gags in 1984 film  simply doesn ', t work . screenwriter steven e . de souza provides another conflict  this time between the childish sillyness of the good guys and business - like professionalism of the bad guys . since foley belongs to the former  his character had to watch his language  and the tone of the film in general is more infantile . unfortunately  this film still belongs to action movie genre  and there is too much violence for little children . nice example is the humorous scene in the beginning  which turns into standard ramboesque bloodbath . unlike donner with the lethal weapon series  landis simply can ', t balance the comedy with " regular " action  and the result is a film that fails in both aspects . action scenes are sometimes interesting  but not too spectacular ( at the end  scenery of wonderland is more fascinating than the action itself ) ; humour  on the other hand  falls flat . to make even worse  some minor characters from 1984 film gets unnecessary and sometimes irritating overexposure ( especially art expert turned into arms dealer  played by bronson pinchot ) . in the end  although the film provided some entertainment  viewers  at least critical ones  would probably be happy to know that there aren ', t any plans for beverly hills iv .
neg i have never been so confused after watching a movie . " meet joe black " is probably one of the most visually satisfying films of this year  with a cinematography  music and cast that will dazzle most of us . at the same time it is probably the most boring and ridiculous experience hat you will have this season . at first you marvel at the elegant direction  graceful cinematography and sensual musical score . then you ', ll wait for something to happen for half an hour  but when you finally understand what ', s going on  you ', ll wonder what are actors such as anthony hopkins  brad pitt and claire forlani are doing in a film like this ? the script is simply a silly and unresolved story  which is artificially stretched into a three hour long motion picture . it feels like an eternity . most of the time it is a pompous soap opera  filled with empty dialogue that the actors deliver in a high pitched voice and " meaningful " winks . the film is based on alberto caesella ', s play " death takes a holiday " . the story concentrates around bill ( anthony hopkins ) who lives a fulfilled life as a successful business man  but sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and hears a voice that is saying " yes " . soon he meets a young elegant gentlemen ( brad pitt ) who introduces himself as " death " . it is bill ', s time . but death has other plans . it has come down to us simple mortals to find out what it means to be alive . our bill is chosen to be death ', s guide and in exchange he gets time . bill introduces death as joe black  who immediately becomes the center of everyone ', s attention . bill ', s business partners speculate about why joe is constantly at bill ', s side  lives in his house and resides at his office . that is not all  however . bill ', s youngest daughter susan ( claire forlani ) falls in love with the mysterious stranger and joe falls in love with her . this relationship is bound to have some serious consequences . it wouldn ', t be fair to say that this film didn ', t have some interesting moments  such as the scene where joe is invited to join bill ', s family for dinner . when joe starts enjoying peanut butter and later falls in love  the experience is somewhat different . it is obvious that a story like this story is very difficult to structure . it ', s one thing to say : " wouldn ', t it be fun to have death take human form and come down to earth . . " to create a motion picture out of this is another . four screenwriters have worked on a script that lacks drive and logic . it is overlong and too primitive to pass as a serious film . on the other hand it demonstrates incredible performances and a very decent direction by martin brest ( " scent of a woman " ) . hopkins looks great in any role  and no matter how shallow or hollow it is  he will complete it . his talent and charisma are needed here more than any where else  since it actually saves the film from a complete embarrassment . but pitt is the one that got one of the most difficult roles of recent time . how can you play death in human form ? to me it seems that death and life are not something that can be associated with earthly matters . they are not creatures  but phenomenas . saying that death takes human form would be the same as to suggest that eternity would take human form . handling such a ridiculous task is incredibly difficult and pitt deserves some credit for his work . speaking in a calm  soft voice  portraying death as a lonely  distant and powerful guy that is unfamiliar with practical earthly matters . he looks and acts more like an angel of death  rather than a demon or a red - eyed executioner . claire forlani and others are also fine  stretching their stereotypical characters to their limits . unfortunately their performances are not enough to rescue this film from its self inflicted misery . in other words this is not what i expected from the director of " scent of a woman " . it could ( and should ) be better with such cast and crew . in the end it seems as if they have all been intensively working on a ravishingly looking soap opera .
neg this is crap  but  honestly  what older american audience is going to be able to resist seeing jack lemmon and james garner as bicker - ing ex - presidents ? especially when their supporting players in - clude dan aykroyd as the current commander in chief  lauren bacall as a former first lady  and john heard as the dan quayle - ish vice president . yup  you ', re talkin ', pre - sold property here and  for warner brothers  the perfect fit into their now - ritual grumpy old men holiday slot . for the non - discriminating viewer  my fellow americans is fine . the raw star power alone will have audiences applauding this atrocious political - thriller road - comedy . ( they did in mine  heaven help us . ) for the rest of us  the movie is immediately tiresome . the tone is terrible and the banter is worse . forget wit -- lemmon and garner merely exchange profanities through most of the movie . ( has anyone counted the number of first penis references ? ) sure  some of the bits are absurdly funny  including a men ', s room macarena joke  the appearance of an elvis impersonator on a trainload of tarheels  and an all dorothy marching band performing " over the rainbow " at a gay men ', s march . the get there from here  though  you have to submit to one of the most offensively overbearing musical scores of all time . judas priest  is there a single moment of silence in this film ? even the dialogue gets drowned out . what a waste .
neg keep cool  a chinese film directed by semi - accomplished filmmaker yimou zhang  was one of the kickoff films for this year ', s hawaii international film festival . on the day it premiered  lines of eager moviegoers stretched around the block  some anticipants having queued up well in advance to get a good seat in the theater . they need not have wasted their time . the movie is billed as a comedy  but is surprisingly bereft of humor . there are noticeable attempts at laughs  but very few tries actually click . i wondered if there were jokes that i wasn ', t getting because i ', m not from china  but unfortunately my conclusion was that this lack of humor couldn ', t be attributed to the cultural barrier either . keep cool just isn ', t very funny . the prelude to the film was a visit by keep cool ', s producer who  with the help of an interpreter  regaled us of how in order to get the print to the festival in time  an assistant hand carried it on the plane from china to hawaii . although the print made it  the assistant ', s luggage was lost . too bad that story wasn ', t in the movie  because it got a big laugh . qu ying  the film ', s female lead  was also on hand to give a few comments . however  whereas the producer politely made regular pauses in his dialog so the interpreter could bring us up to speed  ms . ying saw fit to say everything she had to say in one  fast - paced  incredibly long tirade . it was dizzying ; good foreshadowing for the film . you see  keep cool is filmed almost totally with a camera handheld by a man with a bad case of the shakes . at least that ', s the way it seems  since the camera is constantly moving . cinema verite is one thing  but panning and shaking around until your audience has a headache is another . although some might consider it a form which helps give the viewer an idea of the anarchic state into which chinese youth is slowly growing  i found it thoroughly distracting  and after a while  quite annoying . headache  as i said . the film is about a young bookseller ( wen jiang ) who is after a young woman ( qu ying ) . they used to be romantically involved  but the woman grew tired of him and left the relationship . the first half of the film is about the young man ', s plan to win her back . of course the thing is  she doesn ', t want to be won back  and has a nightclub owner friend of hers rough him up a bit . in the fight  the young man grabs a laptop computer belonging to a bystander and attempts to use it to fend off his attacker  but only ends up smashing it against a lamppost . we later find out that the laptop belongs to an older man who wishes to get his damaged computer replaced . there is a funny scene ( the only one in the film ) where the young man tries to use some twisted logic in order to get the older man to seek out the nightclub owner ( baotian li ) in order to recoup his losses . there is no sense to be made out of the young woman ', s behavior ; cold one minute  caring the next  so we feel no sympathy for her character . the bookseller would be better off without her . although the second half of the film causes us to lose a lot of sympathy for the young bookseller as well  who is obsessed with chopping off the nightclub owner ', s hand as revenge for the beating he took  it also offers us some nice interaction between the bookseller and the older man . while the bookseller is blinded by his thirst for revenge  the older man is the voice of reason and tries to rationalize each situation . his quest to end the dispute peacefully and equitably is the one we identify with  but it is frustrating to see that he seems to be talking to a brick wall half the time . a friendship develops between the two men  but it occurs too late in the film for the audience to appreciate . although only an hour and a half in length  keep cool contains extraneous material . the whole plot of how the bookseller is after the young woman could have been taken out  since we don ', t see her from the midpoint on . a case of mistaken identity or some other device could have served as the point of conflict between the bookseller and the nightclub owner  and would have saved us from the bookseller ', s boring pursuit during the first half . but of course  this would have shortened the movie to less than an hour . there are a few things that keep cool does right . as mentioned before  the interaction between the bookseller and the older man is generally pretty good . although it grows tiresome  the reasoning with the unreasonable is a nice exercise in logic  and represents the differences in thinking between generations . in one scene  for example  the bookseller quotes confucius to get his point across  but the older man claims the quote was misinterpreted  and that it means something entirely different . also effective is the way zhang sets up tension within a scene  such as when the bookseller is getting ready to cut off the hand of the unwitting nightclub owner . the nightclub owner is counting out money  slapping each bundle of currency on the table . with every shot of his hand  we can hardly stand the interminable wait before the bookseller is going to pull out his cleaver and exact his revenge . unfortunately  these crumbs are not enough to overcome the rest of the film ', s shortcomings  and weren ', t enough to prevent that headache from lingering after i left the theater .
neg although i had not been a viewer of the " rugrats " television series  i went into their first animated feature film  " the rugrats movie  " with a positive attitude . the trailer looked cute enough  after all . after seeing it  i think the words in my recent " antz " review  in which i stated that it was the worst film of its type since 1995 ', s " the pebble and the penguin  " were a bit premature . " the rugrats movie  " is bottom - of - the - barrel children ', s fare at its worst  and starts to make  " antz " look good in comparison . as in the show  " the rugrats movie  " is about a group of very little friends  ranging from babies to a three - year - old . the head of the group  tommy pickles ( e . g . daily )  becomes distraught when his mother has a newborn baby named dill ( get it ? dill pickles ? . . . hardee - har - har ! ) and is informed by his three - year - old cousin  anjelica ( cheryl chase )  that the new babies always take all of the attention away from the other children . when the other children  chuckie  and twins lil and phil  suggest taking dill back to the hospital  tommy goes along with it  but on their way there  they crash in the forest  and become lost  running into wolves and circus monkeys  among other things . " the rugrats movie  " judging from the idea of being lost in the woods  could have been a potentially fun family film  and there were many different things that could have been done with the story . so what did the writers choose to do ? why  they set up a protracted  cliched scene where the children almost go over a waterfall  of course ! for the youngest of children ( ages 3 - 7 )  " the rugrats movie  " may very well entertain them  judging from the audience i saw this with . of course  if you looked around at all of the older kids and their parents  they were all desperately struggling to stay awake  and that included me . for an adult  " the rugrats movie  " is a piece of garbage . the plotline is unoriginal and the writing has absolutely no wit or charm . there isn ', t one laugh to be had in the film  nor is there any excitement . if anything is even marginally good in the picture  it is the bright animation style  so it is especially unfortunate that it wasn ', t to service a more quality film . " the rugrats movie " is doa from the start . i am all for a worthwhile family movie  but sometimes an animated film comes along that is simply awful . as said before  young children may like it  but even they deserve better than this . for adults  it is a nearly unbearable  excruciating chore to sit through . as for me  " the rugrats movie  " is not the worst of the year  nor is it the most deeply hated  but it is the most boring . parents : do yourselves a favor and take your kids to see the rerelease of  " the wizard of oz . " that is a picture that contains a great deal of magic and wonder  two things of which  " the rugrats movie  " is completely missing .
neg plunkett & macleane is a period piece mired down by modern mtv pretentions . i have nothing against the mtv approach to filmmaking -- used properly it can save a movie ( see stigmata ) -- but it ruins this one  making a muddled  incoherent mess out of a potentially interesting premise . there are certain genres that just don ', t go together . the film opens with a sequence that i still don ', t understand . it involves some sort of prison outbreak  a robbery  and a gem that keeps being eaten . in any case  the caper ( whatever it may be ) brings together plunkett and macleane ( robert carlyle and johnny lee miller  respectively )  two happy - go - lucky brits with no way to make a living . they make a pact to steal money from the rich and give it to themselves until they earn enough money to buy a ticket to america . their first heist involves a young debutante named lady rebecca ( liv tyler ) ; a woman macleane was especially friendly with at a party just earlier . his decorum when stripping her of her valuables earns our two crooks the name " gentleman highwaymen . " lady rebecca also happens to be the niece of the lord chief justice  a glaringly arrogant man nearing the end of his political career . he demands that the robbers be caught and punished immediately  leaving the job in the hands of the devious chance ( ken stott ) who has a few more things on his mind than catching criminals . meanwhile  macleane falls in love with rebecca infuriating the businesslike plunkett  who doesn ', t want his plans to be foiled by his partner ', s mindless romantic travails . director jake scott  son of ridley scott ( alien  blade runner )  has his father ', s knack for setting up atmospheric shots but none of his skill in actually moving the camera . most of the action scenes are filmed in such a rapid  jerky way that it ', s impossible to comprehend what ', s going on . the camerawork is even more nauseating than in the purposefully dizzying the blair witch project due to its lack of fluidity . instead of utilizing panning shots to impress upon us the scope of the events scott uses attention - deficit - disorder edits . he barely ever holds a shot for more than ten seconds and during the faster scenes it seems more like a couple frames between each cut . the weird  almost defiant lack of dialogue ( there are no -- no -- conversations lasting over  say  20 seconds ) undermines character definition and our two protagonists come off as ciphers rather than characters . the love affair between macleane and rebecca is no different  emotionless and unrealistic . when the script calls for macleane to decide between going to america and going to meet his lover  there is no reason for us to believe it would be worth it for him to abandon his goal ; he and rebecca barely even speak to each other throughout the film . plunkett and macleane wants desperately to be a triumph of style over substance but since its style  quite frankly  blows  the film has no hope of succeeding on any level . i wanted to appreciate this movie on the basis of its admittedly kinetic pace but i couldn ', t -- it was so kinetic it gave me a headache .
neg * this review contains spoilers * as with most of her films  director amy heckerling ', s latest  loser  seesaws between unpleasant and artificial  and is sometimes both at once . when she tackles big issues  such as abortion in fast times at ridgemont high  it ', s impossible to tell whether she ', s being matter - of - fact or glib about them ( they carry an almost documentary starkness )  but whatever the case  she continually refuses to comment politically . such is the sitcom tendency of her work : to jeopardize the innocence of her characters and then hit the reset button . this fear of drama soured me on fast times . . .  look who ', s talking  clueless  and now loser  in which ms . heckerling also demonstrates  for the first time  zero affinity for the milieu . has anyone  for instance  ever met a girl in the stylistic vein of mena suvari ', s dora ? attired in black thrift  her eye shadow smeared to racoon chic and her bangy red hair barely contained by girlish clips  she accepts the label of goth  but no self - respecting goth girl ever admitted to digging  as dora does  those geriatric rockers everclear  nor willingly went anywhere with a six - pack - wielding fratboy stranger . the mechanics of loser ', s tired old introvert - boy - falls - for - extrovert - girl plot drive its protagonists into cultural non - specificity  so that they become even less than stereotypes . they become walking wardrobes . small - town transplant paul ( a strangely static jason biggs )  our eponymous hero  always wears his woolly hunter ', s cap with flaps covering the ears  and beneath it rests a parted moptop that couldn ', t scream " shemp " ( the lame stooge ) wig louder . he has three smug - looking roommates ( the one - dimensional trio is not supposed to be brothers  but they share similar facial features  including and especially mouths )  and their fashion sense is incomprehensibly glam . though they ', re not overtly transvestites  heckerling seems to be equating flamboyance with villainy ; how very cruising of her . ( the dormies conspire to evict paul and regularly molest women they have drugged . dora ignorantly downs one of their date rape potions . unfortunately  either heckerling or the studio is too cowardly to admit if she was subsequently violated . ) when paul rescues dora from said narcotic scare  he learns that she is dating their unctuous european lit professor edward alcott ( superb greg kinnear ) . although paul ', s already in love with dora by this point  as is bound to happen to losers when pretty girls address them by name  he gets altruistic and pretends the flowers he bought her are actually from alcott . she ', s thrilled  but nevertheless spends a few days at paul ', s to recuperate ; the two bond over emergency kitten surgery and a broadway play ( " cabaret " )  and just when paul ', s got in his head that she ', s starting to love him back in that non - friendly way  she decides to become alcott ', s live - in girlfriend . cue precious hommage to the graduate  shots of paul drifting around berkeley -- er . . . ( aside : simon & garfunkel ', s " parsley  sage  rosemary & thyme " should never have been allowed in another motion picture . ) heckerling has a lot in common with nora " you ', ve got mail " ephron  the only other prominent chick directing comedies today  in that neither has any use for strong - willed women . men continue to trod on dora until the bitter end ( in the final scene  she gives paul a big smooch after he blurts out his feelings in what amounts to a creepy ultimatum )  and dora ultimately shrugs off being drugged against her will -- mere hours after paul hints to her that she was poisoned  she ', s cheerily redecorating his apartment . ( heckerling is so laissez - faire about the issue in general that she reserves the comeuppance of the would - be rapists for jokey epilogue titles . ) goth veneer aside  there are an awful lot of girls out there who behave as erratically as dora  and enough angry young dude filmmakers to make movies about them . heckerling misses her shot at having dora transform herself into a role model  and while such arcs may not be heckerling ', s social responsibility  it is a privilege i would have taken advantage of if i were in her shoes . ( consider  too  that dora is the film ', s sole female principal . ) not that loser is worth contemplating this seriously -- god knows heckerling didn ', t . that is her hallmark . ( --- for more first - run  dvd  and books - about - movies reviews  plus contests and the proverbial " more ! "  visit ', film freak central  ', @ http : // filmfreakcentral . net --- )
neg fantastically over hyped  godzila finally lumbers onto the big screen . the film opens with footage of nuclear testing on the french polynesian islands  then an attack on a boat from some beast  and finally we join dr . nick tatopoulos ( broderick looking about 17 years old ) doing some research in chernobyl . some shady u . s government guys appear  and ask him to come to an island where they have massive footprints  from what looks like a giant lizard . and what ', s more  this beast is heading for new york . gulp ! although godzilla should be a non stop roller coaster ride  and at some points it is  there is something curiously uninvolving and unexciting about this movie . the main faults lie with the acting and writing  common problems with ', summer blockbuster ', movies . broderick is pretty useless as the hero  with no humour or a ', tough guy ', image . while emmerich ', s previous summer flick  independence day ( 1996 ) had wisecracks and action from jeff goldblum and will smith  this has neither . also  maria pitillo  as broderick ', s former girlfriend  is just as useless  with a chronic disability in acting . she ', s incapable of showing emotion  speaks every line in the same way  and basically she ', s total crap . it ', s up to french actor jean reno to save the day  and indeed he does  turning in a campy performance as a french secret agent . shame he has such little screen time in such a overlong film . hank azaria also turns up as a crazy cameraman named ', animal ',  and he adds a little life to the picture . also making an appearance is harry shearer ( probably best know for doing voices in the simpsons ) as a slimy news reporter . o . k  so the acting is not up to par  but it never is in these movies . but what about the script ? well  that ', s not up to par either . emmerich and screenwriting pal dean devlin seem so caught in the destruction of new york city that they forgot to write a script . the dialogue is banal ( broderick looks at a lot of fish and utters ', that ', s a lot of fish . ', )  and the character development is non existent ( reno plays the typical frenchman ( ', no croissant ? ', )  broderick forever remains a geeky scientist . ) also  the film is seriously lacking a sense of humour . the jokes that are uttered are pathetic  and there ', s an ', hilarious ', running gag about siskel and ebert . ( the mayor is mayor ebert  and is assistant is called gene ! ha ha ha ha ! . ) the plot is dire  and in the end just rips off jurassic park ( 1993 ) by having lots of baby godzilla ', s ( i . e . velicorapters ) running around new york . right  so the script and acting suck . but what about the special effects ? thankfully  they ', re are quite good . godzilla is an impressive piece of cgi  although we don ', t see much of him because the movie is so dark . the destruction of new york is pretty well done aswell . but although they are impressive  they can ', t save godzilla from being an hugely disappointing and boring movie . the movie goes on for far too long aswell  and it can ', t seem to decide on a ending . and of course  the ending itself leaves possibility for a sequel . let ', s just hope one never arrives .
neg movie concepts are often pitched to producers with mathematical formulas involving successful films of the past . so  undoubtedly one day someone said  " ', evolution ? ', it ', s ', ghostbusters ', plus ', men in black ', plus ', tremors . ', " and so it is . sum total none . the alienbusting begins when a meteor lands in glen canyon  arizona . community college science profs ira kane ( david duchovny ) and harry block ( orlando jones ) take some samples from the meteor and discover that one - celled organisms from inside it are evolving rapidly  doing in hours what took millions of years for life on earth . just about the time i was wondering  " hey  doesn ', t the government usually come in and take over the whole area in these movies  " the government came in and took over the whole area . the leader of the pack  gen . woodman ( ted levine )  turns out to be an old nemesis of ira ', s  and ira and harry are blocked from doing further research . meanwhile  the organisms continue to grow until they are large enough to start attacking people . by this time  ira and harry have gained a friend in dr . allison reed ( julianne moore ) of the center for disease control . a country club poolboy  wayne green ( seann william scott )  has also attached himself to the merry band . but can they find the means to stop the aliens in time ? director ivan reitman seems to be revisiting his biggest hit  1984 ', s " ghostbusters  " but " evolution " falls miserably short . one reason is readily apparent . " ghostbusters " had three really funny guys as its scientists ( bill murray  dan aykroyd  and harold ramis )  but " evolution " has one really funny guy ( orlando jones ) who can adlib and milk the comic potential of lines that prove useless in anyone else ', s hands . for good measure  " ghostbusters " had the comic talents of rick moranis ; " evolution " offers seann william scott  who was much funnier in " american pie " and " road trip " than he is here . scott has one amusing scene where he sings " you are so beautiful to me " to a dragon - like alien to draw it into a trap . other than that  scott seems unable to make much of the thin material the writers gave him . an actor in search of a forte  david duchovny looked for his gritty action hero side in " playing god " and his romantic side in " return to me . " now he wants to find his wacky comedic talent ; what we all find is that he doesn ', t have any . look for him to be back on tv in five years or so . another sad case is julianne moore  who needs to be more selective about the offers she accepts . she ', s a talented actress with an impressive list of credits and award nominations  so why is she trying to do slapstick comedy ? her character has a tendency to trip over and bump into things  but the trait comes off as a pathetic plea for laughs . the sole saving grace of the film is jones . he ', s at the center of the movie ', s funniest scene -- where an alien bug invades harry ', s body and has to be pulled out through his ass . jones is the only cast member who can take the comedic ball and run with it  but he can ', t carry the whole movie by himself . he found himself in a similar situation in " the replacements  " where he was also the only comic talent in an ensemble cast . jones will eventually find the project that will make him a major comedy star  but this isn ', t it .
neg well arnold has completed the seemingly impossible task . he has made three consecutive unsatisfactory action films . in a domain that he owns  it is very surprising that this goliath of an action star can not tell a good action script from a bad one . eraser  back in 1996  was a confused film that made no attempt at all to make sense . batman and robin  in 1997  was the black sheep of the batman series with ridiculous acting  idiotic action scenes  and painfully flashy costumes . now in 1999  " end of days " ( not " the end of days " ) is the third strike in a tough at bat for arnold . is this the end of a powerful action star ', s long - lived career ? will arnold ever give us another unforgettable performance in another unforgettable classic like those in the past ( " terminator "  " terminator 2 : judgement day "  " predator " ) ? or an unforgettable performance in a great guilty pleasure like those in the past ( " commando "  " red sonja "  " true lies " ) ? it doesn ', t look that way . " end of days " begins with the birth of a baby girl in 1979 who inexorably  due to the formation of the stars on that night  will be the carrier of satan ', s baby the hour before new year ', s of 2000 . fortunately for the movie ', s sake  the girl grows up and now resides in manhattan with skyscrapers  subway trains in dark tunnels  and a myriad of inept nypd officers . it ', s an action film ', s dream come true when the director is given tons of cool stuff to blow up . imagine if the girl had lived in anytown  usa  where the only thing to destroy is a dairy queen and a post office . arnold schwarzenegger ( jericho cane )  in a series of boring events finds himself in the middle of a religious battle between the church  who is trying to hide the girl ( or in some cases trying to kill her )  and satan ( gabriel byrne ) who is trying to make her pregnant . if the devil is successful  the world will no longer exist as we know it . jericho feels it is his duty to protect the girl from everyone because 1 ) he once had faith but no longer does and 2 ) his wife and daughter were killed and he feels responsible for it . jericho cane is your cliched  by - the - numbers hero right up to his name . arnold fittingly plays the character as cliched as he can . he shouts at everyone  from cops to priests  to the devil . in one truly hilarious scene  which was supposed to be the ultimate dramatic high point  jericho screams to the devil ; " you are a @#$^% ! & choir boy ! you are a choir boy ! " those two lines marked the high points of this film . a movie can still be enjoyable when the supporting cast is more effective than the main actor . " end of days " fails to contain any memorable performances with the exception of gabriel byrne . byrne  playing a man who has been made the manifestation of the devil  seems to be the only one who is having fun in this whole movie . he wonderfully plays a manipulative villain with the power to control everyone at any time . the annoying thing about his character  however  is that he has the power to kill any human with a simple punch in the face  yet he finds it impossible to seriously hurt jericho . i can not count the number of times he could have killed jericho and taken the girl from his custody . the other actors in the film give very weak and unconvincing performances . kevin pollak  who plays the partner and close friend of jericho  is the supposedly funny character in the film ( every action movie has one ) . the one problem is that pollak does not deliver one funny line . robin tunney plays the chosen mother of satan ', s baby with extreme annoyance . she gets no sympathy from any of the characters in the film  except arnold who pretends she is his wife and daughter  or any of the viewers in the audience . in one unnecessary scene  tunney walks out of her room and takes her top off . is this her job in the film ? the actors are not to blame entirely because the script is terrible . you can tell a script is terrible when you are able to predict what will happen minutes before it does . this little prediction game is a very fun exception to trying to sit through this nonsense of a movie . in a last attempt to make this movie good  special effects are used to try to entertain the audience . but without a memorable action scene in the whole film  the director has not done his job successfully . this film would have gotten a c + if arnold stood in front of a camera and shouted " you are a ! $@^@ * ^ choir boy ! ! " for two hours .
neg whether or not i would be considered a trekker probably depends on whom you would ask . i have been a fan of both the original series and its recently retired follow - up  as well as the even - numbered entries in the film series . however  i have never been one of those folks who store away trek minutiae and get into debates over the relative merits of spock vs . data . somewhere along the line  the " star trek " film series began to seem more and more directed at those in the latter category  and star trek : generations may be the natural conclusion of this direction . its production values may be high  but the writing is frequently appalling  and instead of a script has a collection of references  in - jokes and ill - defined characters . generations opens in the late 23rd century  where members of the original enterprise crew  including captain james t . kirk ( william shatner )  are present for the christening of the latest ship to bear that name . no sooner is it out on its maiden voyage than a distress signal brings them to the nexus  a mysterious ribbon of energy . among those rescued from the nexus is long - lived alien dr . soran ( malcolm mcdowell )  but he is none - too - pleased at being back in the real world . seventy - eight years later  soran is still trying to get back to the nexus  and again encounters an enterprise  this one led by captain jean - luc picard ( patrick stewart ) . soran ', s plan involves destroying a star with an inhabited planet  and the only hope for saving 230 million people is the historic meeting of two enterprise captains . i don ', t think it is an insult to fans of " star trek " to suggest that to a certain extent  the particulars of a plot are not really the most important elements in a " trek " film . it ', s about a chance to visit with old friends  and if they are involved in a truly interesting story it can be considered gravy . but even that interpretation assumes that characterization has to be consistent  and in generations that just doesn ', t happen . data ( brent spiner ) is particularly victimized by this sloppy writing . in the film ', s major sub - plot  data decides to use a chip which will give him human emotions  a chip he has had in his possession for over a year . what is his motivation for taking this drastic and perhaps dangerous step ? he doesn ', t get a joke . once the chip is in place  spiner gets to have a lot of fun with data ', s new emotions  but the point is that he ', s no longer the data we know . if the rest of the " next generation " cast fares any better  it ', s only because they ', re on the screen so little that they ', re simply window dressing . but then again  this story isn ', t really about the new crew . it ', s about kirk and picard  the cowboy and the politician  sharing the screen . the huge surprise is that william shatner blows patrick stewart away . perhaps because he knows this is his last go - round in the part that made him a legend  shatner looks like he ', s having the time of his life ; stewart  on the other hand  borders on the deferrential  and is saddled with the same lackluster motivations as everyone else in the cast . stewart ', s edginess is indicative of what may be a very bad sign for paramount ', s hopes to turn the new cast into the same kind of franchise the original cast was : these are clearly the not ready for big screen players . by contrast  the prologue which features scotty ( james doohan ) and chekhov ( walter koenig ) is the highlight of the film . these characters have become part of the popular mythology  and when they take over the enterprise in a moment of distress  it ', s a moment of high energy . only thirty years of history can create a moment like that  and that ', s time this new crew doesn ', t have . it certainly doesn ', t help that the plot they are stuck in is so convoluted and badly constructed that you need to leave a trail of bread crumbs to find your way out again . it ', s also loaded with little gags all aimed at those who are familiar enough with the series to turn to all their friends in a shared nudge of recognition . i wonder whether anyone who is coming in cold to the " trek " universe at this point would be anything but baffled and bored by what is going on . and what a waste of malcolm mcdowell  who could have been a great monomanical villain but should have been given a much more compelling reason for his obsession . there are plenty of details both scientific and of continuity to pick at  but to do so would be to ignore generations ', major flaws . however  i would like to make one recommendation : seatbelts . not just for the enterprise crew  although you ', d think by the 24th century space travel wouldn ', t involve rolling around on the floor during a battle . no  i think the audience might need them more . this journey is one bumpy ride .
neg they should have stuck to the promise emblazoned on the original movie ', s poster : " no sequel . " scary movie 2 is nowhere near as funny as its predecessor  and it is not because the wayans brothers  shawn and marlon doing the writing and keenen ivory behind the camera  don ', t try . what defeats them is the genre they have chosen to spoof . the first movie - an outrageous  low - brow  savage satire of teen slasher flicks such as scream and i know what you did last summer - succeeded because of its take - no - prisoners attitude toward a type of film that was in vogue  familiar and popular . in scary movie 2  the filmmakers take on the haunted house - ghost story format which  if you look at the grosses for such recent lame offerings as the respective remakes of the haunting and house on haunted hill  did not draw audiences nor enter the cultural psyche as did the various teen slasher series . scary movie 2 does start off promising with a wonderful spoof of the exorcist  featuring james wood in the max von sydow role and veronica cartwright lampooning ellen burstyn . of course split pea soup is the punch line - an overabundant amount  which offers the hope that the rest of the movie will be just as tasteless and excessive . but this pre - credit sequence has nothing at all to do with the main action  which features the cast members from the original signing up to spend a weekend at a creepy haunted mansion as part of a university class project . some of the jokes are as scatological and offensive as in the original  but they lack that take - no - prisoners bite that raised scary movie to the heights of burlesque . scary movie 2 merely lurches from one lame sendup to another  offering weak spoofs of that nike shoe ad in which everyone does acrobatics with a basketball  and the films what lies beneath and hannibal ( features that only faired adequately at the box office )  john woo ', s mission : impossible 2 and charlie ', s angels . it is as if the wayans and their team of writers - at least seven are credited - just threw ideas in a blender and hoped they ', d coalesce . they don ', t . while the pace of the original left you breathless  the sequel moves with the speed of an 18 - wheeler carrying two tons of concrete up a steep mountain road . you can almost hear the reels panting . scary movie 2 tries very hard to live up to its original  but it falls very short . it ', s a dissatisfying spectacle  a very weak sister of a very good movie . the really scary aspect of this sequel is how disappointing it really is .
neg vikings v . bears ? no  this isn ', t the lineup for monday night football . rather  these are the two opposing forces that will battle to the death in " the 13th warrior  " a film that is as dramatically flat as it is gratuitously gory . based on michael crichton ', s book  eaters of the dead  this viking saga tries to evoke the mysticism of fabled norsemen and the glorious battles that they fought . their strength and honor would eventually etch their place in history among the greatest warriors that ever picked up a sword . luckily for the vikings  however  their warring abilities were not as clumsy as this film . antonio bandaras is ahmed  a travelling ambassador . accompanied by his friend ( omar shariff in a cameo )  they eventually come across a small viking village . we see that the vikings are an extremely proud group whose greatest strength is their fortitude . they laugh heartily  revel in their arrogance  and sing songs of battles won . but their festivities are about to be halted when a messenger boy arrives to tell the village leader that a great evil is threatening their land . help is needed quickly . an elderly  fortune - telling witch arrives . after a brief incantation  she proclaims that 12 warriors and one more " not of norse blood " are needed to ensure victory . personally  i always wonder why people believe these oracles when they look so haggardly and on the brink of insanity . nonetheless  12 men eagerly accept their place while ahmed becomes the pivotal 13th . the group then sets out to do the greatest battle of their lives . of course during their ride  ahmed becomes the target of fun for the other 12 burly viking warriors . but he ably shows that it ', s not the size of the dog in the fight but rather the size of the fight in the dog . he is able to overcome the proud arrogance of the vikings  but will his skills ( and that of the group ) be enough to defeat whatever evil is menacing the countryside ? it does not look promising . these creatures  resembling bears  are strong and have high morale . they are fearless and display a desire for decapitating the heads of their enemies . they attack by the hundreds and the next strike will come soon . the warriors prepare their defenses and pray to their gods . they are ready to sacrifice their lives . " this is a good way to die  " says one of the fallen warriors . despite the larger - than - life battle sequences  i was unmoved by the entire experience . at many points  i was even confused . for example  somewhere in the middle of the film  a sub - plot creeps up involving the prince of the threatened land . he seems to have an agenda to elevate himself to greater power during this crisis . however  the sub - plot never fully materializes  and we are left scratching our heads as to the purpose of its inclusion . there are other questions that i had  but the real problem was that the story ( little of it that there was ) offered no characters to love or hate . the leader of the viking warriors had the most charisma . however  banderas ', s role is completely underwritten and it is unclear why being the 13th warrior makes him so special . an entire rewrite of the ahmed character is in order . also  much of the action takes place during torrential downpours or at night  which made battles very difficult to follow . i would have preferred more time looking at the viking culture and how their beliefs shaped their decision to do battle against the enemy . as it stands  the film manages more confusion than intensity . it would make thor cry .
neg apparently  when crap calls  jim carrey answers . here he is  mugging it up in countless unfunny ways for the fifth time  his second go - around in the role of pet detective ace ventura . that means more talking ass - cracks  penis jokes and cries of " al - l - l - l - l - l - l - l - l - l - lrighty then . " it all adds up to a sequel that makes the original resemble schindler ', s list in terms of dramatic merit  or lack of . granted  there are a few laughs amid the constant barrage of pre - school humor  but anyone who appreciates good comedy will bang their head against the wall ten times for every minor chuckle . it ', s a painful experience for anyone with a brain . ace is distraught after accidentally dropping a racoon into a canyon ( in a parody of the opening scene of sylvester stallone ', s cliffhanger  jim carrey being the only person who can make stallone look like a college professor in terms of intellect  or lack of ) and decides to retire to the mountains of tibet to gain a higher level of consciousness ( or  in his case  a level of consciousness ) . but he is pulled out of retirement to the tune of $ 20  000 to retrieve a sacred white bat for an african tribe . why africa ? so carrey can disguise himself nude inside a fake rhino and later climb out the rear end as a tourist family watches ( " look  the rhino ', s about to give birth ! " ) . if that seems like hee - haw humor to you  by all means  see the movie . if not  claim your place in human civilization with the rest of us . obviously  there are quite a few nonmembers of civilization who made this movie  like the first ace ventura film ( i use the word " film " only because it was filmed  not because there ', s any level of artistic merit . )  a huge success . in fact  carrey only has a career because of the decline of intelligence in our culture . you may say to me  " but andrew  look at jerry lewis . he was born with a negative i . q . and look how popular he was thirty years ago . " maybe  but i still say jerry lewis is a notch or two up on the comedic ladder because he never actually did an impression in a movie of a rabid bulldog biting off a man ', s testicles . . . lewis at least had the dignity to save that performance for when company came over .
neg one of my favorite songs by the stranglers includes the lyric  " you ', d better watch out for the skin deep . " i ', d like to extend the same warning : watch out for skin deep  but whatever you do don ', t watch skin deep . skin deep is a tedious and uneven comedy written and directed by blake edwards . john ritter stars as zach  a dried up writer and insatiable womanizer with a big - time drinking problem . i never saw edwards ', comedy the man who loved women  but i have to wonder whether skin deep is a remake . you see  to put it mildly  zach goes to bed with just about each and every woman he meets . as the movie opens  zach ', s wife  alex  catches him with not only his mistress but also his mistress ', hairdresser . like any sensible wife  alex kicks zach out of the house and divorces him . in response  zach goes on a spiritual journey of drinking  womanizing  psychotherapy  and self - discovery . if you ', re turned on by the idea of watching ritter drink  get arrested  have sex  drink  crash his mercedes  have more sex  drink  get arrested again  drink  and sing horrendously at the piano  then skin deep should be right up your alley . skin deep makes the fatal mistake of inflicting on us unbelievable and unsympathetic characters . zach is a rich  ', 80s l . a . version of ritter ', s jack tripper character from " three ', s company . " like jack  zach is clumsy and inept ; he ', s the type of guy whose bad aim makes him accidently squirt breath freshener into his eye . zach is supposed to be charming and charismatic  but i failed to see even one redeeming virtue in him . consequently  i never felt the least bit of sympathy or pity for the philandering alcoholic during his moments of crisis . in fact  when zach crashes his ex - wife ', s wedding in a desperate attempt to stop her from remarrying  i actually rooted for her to go through with the ceremony . to add insult to injury  edwards gives his large supporting cast nothing but stereotypes with which to work . for instance  vincent gardenia ', s talents are wasted in his role as the fatherly bartender . of all the women in the film -- and there are many -- alyson reed  alone  stands out as zach ', s wife ; reed brings intelligence and sensitivity to the role . because we don ', t care the slightest bit about anyone in skin deep  the film ', s few feeble attempts at drama inevitably fail . the comedy in skin deep doesn ', t fare much better . most of the jokes are dumb  predictable  and sitcomish . about every ten minutes  however  edwards does manage to come up with a good line or a novel sight - gag  the most effective of which involves a pair of " dueling " condoms . overall  the laughs in skin deep are just too infrequent and the characters just too shallow for the film to stay afloat . my final criticism of the film lies in its glamorous depiction of alcohol and alcoholism . zach ', s excessive drinking is clearly ruining his life  but nevertheless it seems to give him more pleasure than pain . zach ', s drinking binges never have any truly serious or lasting consequences . if he crashes his mercedes  he gets a new one . if he gets arrested  his lawyer bails him out of jail . if his wife leaves him  she will eventually decide to give him a second chance if he ', ll clean up his act . the tone in skin deep is all wrong ; edwards treats a very serious issue far too lightly  making a joke out of a problem that is no joking matter . perhaps edwards should have studied dudley moore in arthur or  better yet  michael keaton in clean and sober before making skin deep .
neg this movie about two dysfunctional families never really gets off the ground  despite some good performances from a basically competent cast . eddie ( sean penn ) and maureen ( robin wright penn ) are a not - so - happily married couple down on their luck . living in rented rooms in the seedier part of an unnamed city  they spend what little income they have at the local bar  owned by shorty ( stanton )  eddie ', s best friend  and his wife georgie ( mazar ) . maureen and eddie share an odd relationship marked by eddie ', s frequent disappearances . on his return  he promises her the world and professes his undying love . their manic reunions all too soon lead to new lows  as eddie disappears again . like a junky craving the next high  maureen suffers through the lows to reach the next high . their relationship is further complicated by maureen ', s pregnancy . she wants the baby and the father  but deep down seems to sense the inevitability of losing the latter . during one of eddie ', s absences  maureen is attacked by kiefer  her neighbor  who gets her drunk ( with her cooperation ) and then insists on intimacy . she leaves badly bruised and in fear of what eddie might do -- not to her  but to kiefer . she lies about what happens to ensure that no harm will come to eddie as the result of his inevitable rage . he lashes out as she expects  and ends up in an institution for what he believes to be 3 months -- but in reality is 10 years . during this decade  maureen divorces eddie and remarries a more solid and reliable individual  joey ( travolta  in a small role ) . her life falls apart again when eddie is released from the institution and comes to find her . joey insists on bringing eddie into his home and making his wife choose between her husband ( and father of two children ) and stability ( joey makes a good living  drives a cadillac  and they live in a large house in the suburbs ) and the love of her previous life . she chooses her past  and sacrifices not only her new life but her old ( by giving up her and eddie ', s daughter to joey ) . but the eddie that she knew is gone  replaced by a mere shell of the man he was . maureen is herself a mere shell  more an automaton than a woman -- as if she had gone through whatever therapy and treatment eddie was given along with him . perhaps these two really do need each other and can find happiness ( or maybe the lack of sadness ) together  but the movie ', s denouement was not convincing .
neg michael richards leaves his spot as kramer on the infamous seinfeld tv sitcom for a stint as a lanky  goofy best friend to jeff daniels ', lawyer character in this ill - fated  and unfunny  " comedy " . plot : richard the actor ( richards ) has to take the place of charles the lawyer ( daniels ) in a real court case  after charles is left unintelligible from a night of heavy drinking at his bachelor party . the film follows the antics of the two men as they try to get away with their tomfoolery . critique : this movie did not make me laugh once . perhaps it was because i was tired when i watched it . perhaps . perhaps it was because i had seen richards perform most of the same schtick a thousand times on seinfeld . perhaps . perhaps it was because the movie just wasn ', t funny . absolutely . the lack of humour wasn ', t the only issue that i had with this film either . the movie attempts to weave a couple of love stories through its vision  but unfortunately  they are also lacking in conviction  believability and credibility . they are contrived and appear to be placed into the story for convenience sake . the actors were all adequate enough in their roles  but the problem didn ', t lie in the acting . i wish i could find one good reason for you to see this waste of time  but i can ', t . unless of course  you need something playing on your tv set while you waste some time around the house . overall  this movie stinks . on the good side  charlize theron is darn cute  and the movie is no longer then 90 minutes . on the bad side  this movie is not funny  interesting or enjoyable in any which way possible . a person wouldn ', t even enjoy his nachos while watching this emptiness . please skip it . little known facts : jonathan lynn earned a degree in law from cambridge before becoming an actor / director . charlize theron grew up on a farm outside benoni  south africa  as the only child . at the age of 18 her mother made her go to los angeles to try a career in the movie industry . she came to la without knowing anyone in the city but after two weeks when she was standing in line on hollywood boulevard an agent gave her his card . after eight months in la she got her first part . since then she has taken acting lessons and her career has skyrocketed  specifically in devil ', s advocate ( 8 / 10 ) . charlize was narrowly beat out by elizabeth berkley for the lead role in the " movie "  showgirls . she was quoted as saying " it was like i had some guardian angel . "
neg jackie chan kicks his way into van damme territory with twin dragons  an embarrassingly bland action comedy of mistaken identities . chan plays separated - at - births boomer and john ma  whose drastically different paths . . . aw  forget the plot description  it ', s not even worth the space . but let ', s face it . no one goes to jackie chan movies for the plot anyway . the scenes where nothing happens in chan ', s films have always been little more than glue thriftily spread to hold the action sequences together . in the case of twin dragons  however  the tiresome plot - driving scenes fritter away so much of the movie that you almost want to shout ( at the risk of demeaning the artistic value of cinema )  " get to the good part already ! " most of the film is devoted to showing the brothers ', efforts to hide the other ', s existence from their own acquaintances . why it is necessary to do this is not satisfactorily explained  but neither are a lot of aspects of the plot . the twins ', love interests  demure club - singer barbara ( chan - film regular maggie cheung ) and lusty bride - hopeful tammy ( nina li chi )  get disoriented in all the brouhaha  yet strangely seem not to mind that they are not sure which brother they are in love with . the scenes describing the boys ', bumbling antics get stretched so thin we stop caring who chan is supposed to be in any given shot ( in several shots  in fact  even the make - up and hair people seem to forget which brother is which . ) . even chan ', s so - corny - it ', s - funny humor is off - kilter in this outing . some of the gags are so carefully innocuous they ', re annoying . a case in point : whenever anyone sees the brothers together  they fall to the ground in a dead faint . are we laughing yet ? as usual  the final showdown is the film ', s jewel  a tour de force display of chan ', s agility and grace . never mind that it ', s not clear how the brothers end up fighting suited bad guys inside an automobile crash - testing facility . it ', s all good fun  but too little too late . perhaps chan ', s next movie should just be a collection of the last fight sequences of all of his movies . they could call it jackie chan ', s the final fight scenes  and everybody would go home happy . reviewed april 14  1999 at loews theaters white marsh  white marsh  md .
neg the general ', s daughter will probably be the cleverest stupid film we ', ll see this year -- or perhaps the stupidest clever film . it ', s confusing to a critic when so much knuckleheaded plotting and ostentatious direction shares the screen with so much snappy dialogue and crisp character interaction . that  however  is what happens when legendary screenwriter william goldman takes a pass at an otherwise brutally predictable conspiracy thriller . the punched - up punch lines are ever on the verge of convincing you the general ', s daughter has a brain in its head  even as the remaining 75 % of the narrative punches you in the face with its lack of common sense . our hero is warrant officer paul brenner  a brash investigator for the u . s . army ', s criminal investigation division . his latest case is the murder of captain elisabeth campbell ( leslie stefanson ) at a georgia base  the victim found tied to the ground after an apparent sexual assault and strangulation . complicating the case is the fact that capt . campbell is the daughter of general joe campbell ( james cromwell )  a war hero and potential vice - presidential nominee . general campbell wants to keep the case out of the press  which gives brenner only the 36 hours before the fbi steps in . teamed with rape investigator sarah sunhill ( madeleine stowe ) -- who  coincidentally enough  once had a romantic relationship with brenner -- brenner begins uncovering dark secrets from the late captain ', s past that make the case ever more sordid . if only the sordidness were the worst of the general ', s daughter ', s problems . scenes of sexual degredation do linger much longer than necessary  their negligible dramatic value overwhelmed by filtered - light sleaze . director simon west likely thinks he ', s covered himself by juxtaposing these images of violence with sweet flowers  but all he does is prove himself dependent on visual cliches  which is the film ', s fatal flaw . it ', s a trend he continues for two hours  taking the story ', s few virtues and slapping a coat of moron - proof obviousness over them . characters who may ( wink wink ) turn out to be villains are photographed in ominous shadow ; cutaway inserts of the captain campbell ', s still - living face after the corpse is uncovered insure against five - minute attention spans . west just can ', t help himself from overdirecting every minute of the general ', s daughter . he even turns a scene of footage shown on cnn into an excuse for slow - fade edits . bubbling up from this overcooked stew are enough tasty lines to distract you from its smell . the slickest scene finds brenner squaring off with captain campbell ', s mentor  a psychological warfare expert named moore ( james woods ) . there ', s something invigorating about watching two smart actors playing smart characters firing honesty at one another . indeed  travolta gets to sink his teeth into dozens of choice lines based on his delight at provoking authority figures ( to the local sheriff of the georgia county : " shouldn ', t you be out night - sticking the colored folk ? " ) . even the lame device of brenner and sunhill ', s sexual history provides a few winning zingers . goldman ', s dialogue can serve up a bigger laugh than you ', ll find in most so - called comedies . dialogue  unfortunately  just isn ', t enough to make a quality script . it ', s difficult to take a movie about a criminal investigation seriously when the investigators are both too stupid to solve it sooner ( an idiotic inability to recognize the nature of the crime scene ) and too lucky for it to last any longer ( not one but two occasions where brenner catches a vital piece of evidence out of the corner of his eye ) . by the time the general ', s daughter wanders towards its over - wrought  psycho - in - the - rain finale  west ', s heavy hand has obliterated most of what made the film occasionally fun . it ', s silly and pretentious film - making  but at least it provides a giggle or five . goldman should tear the 15 decent pages out of this script and turn them into a stand - up routine .
neg cradle will rock is the latest effort from director / actor tim robbins . while he may have had an oscar worthy film back in 1995 ( dead man walking )  he gets a little overconfident and sloppy here . the story is confusing  and filled with many subplots  so i ', ll try my best and explain it as simply as possible . the film is based on a " mostly " true story about a federal theater in the 1930s  that produced a play ( the cradle will rock ) that apparently was offensive to some  so the government shuts it down . it ', s during the time of the depression  and all this theater wants to do is entertain and cheer up those who do not have jobs  or are poor . between this conflict lies what seems like 10 subplots  about those who work in theater  or those associated . also along the way are some other messages mashed together to create an even more overwhelming experience . tim robbin ', s just keeps piling on political views  and characters  that we just give up on the film  or in some cases walk out . for robbin ', s it may be a nice achievement  but to me it seemed more like a friendly get together with slightly more sophisticated dialogue  and fancy outfits . i thought the main reason for seeing the film would be for the outstanding cast  unfortunately are all uninteresting  except for a few . let me recap what each important character does  so please bear with me ( it ', s the least you can do  especially if you were considering seeing this ) . i ', ll begin with those involved with the play . there ', s orson welles ( angus macfadyen ) who of course is the director of the play  the producer john houseman ( cary elwes )  marc blitzstein ( hank azaria ) the writer of the play  emily watson  a woman who gets her break by playing the main part in cradle will rock . outside the play there ', s the : ventriloquist ( bill murray ) who wants a relationship with a federal theater clerk ( joan cusack )  another subplot involving a painter diego rivera ( ruben blades ) who ', s unhappy that his painting is too be destroyed by nelson rockefeller because he feels it to be an outrage ( john cusack ) . there ', s a few other actresses and actors who have their own stories ( susan sarandon  philip baker hall too name a few ) but those that i mentioned  were the most significant to the story . anyway  most of these talented hollywood stars were completely wasted  except for emily watson  who does another great job  and one of my personal favorite actors john cusack  who always delivers through thick and thin . now although most of the film was weak to say the least  there were some nice moments and some involving subjects  but all this is overblown . sure the free speech segment was a nice feature  but not when it becomes repetitive . the whole film is like this  and it ', s basically nothing but a headache . on the brighter side  tim robbin ', s direction was masterful . his camera direction seemed reminiscent to the works of paul thomas anderson ', s latest magnolia  only smoother in my opinion  but even that can ', t make a movie that much better . although it has it ', s moments ( not many of them  but they ', re there )  cradle will rock stays true to it ', s title  because the cradle rocked too far and tipped over .
neg disillusioned and trying to find the spice of life  richard ( leonardo dicaprio ) sets off for thailand . there he a meets crazed man by the name of daffy ( robert carlyle ) who gives him a map to a beach  a secret utopia  then commits suicide . richard sets off for this beach with his neighbors from this hotel  ? tienne ( guillaume canet ) and fran ? oise ( virginie ledoyen ) . once they get there the three discover a secret society existing on this beach  there richard falls for fran ? oise . this covers about half to two thirds of the movie and aside from the romantic element  which is solely a creation of hollywood  seems to hold to the original novel . the cinematography and general beauty of this part of the movie is breathtaking . i don ', t think anyone can argue that this movie is visually stunning . but that is were many things go wrong  darius khondji has totally outdone himself in doing the cinematography . though the script and the interpretation of the novel are quite lacking . the plot of the movie moves along at a decent pace for about half of the movie or there abouts . this is where the movie has some great potential  then the three travelers get the island and there is a turn for the better  yes folks i said better . now up to about two thirds of this movie its actually pretty good  nothing spectacular aside from the cinematography but it still has promise . this is where things start to degenerate to something that becomes almost un - watchable . there is even a ', video game ', style sequence that borders on the disgusting  it doesn ', t make sense for the movie and just looks dumb in my opinion ( and i am hoping many other peoples ) . i am hoping that in my little rant i ', ve made it abundantly clear that the movie is lacking quite seriously in plot and uneven pacing  so if you go see it and you don ', t like it because of this don ', t blame me . the character development was not up to par either ; i found the character of richard to be nothing more than a spoiled child . although there is a feeble attempt to make this whole story profound it fails and richard ( leo ', s character ) comes off as a wannabe philosopher . the character seems to be underdeveloped from the get go and seems to just do things for no apparent reason  granted some people are like this ( myself included ) but i nor anyone i know that is fairly random would ever do things of the sort this character does . the next point is that some of the really interesting characters are simply not developed enough . richard is obviously obsessed by fran ? oise at the early stages of the story  yet there is actually very little development along this story line . this i am sure contributes to the movie ', s lack of core plot and being unfocused . now  i shall move onto something a little better about the movie ( for all you cynics out there the movie did have a few good things about it ) . the cast and acting was passable at the very least  and i think that leonardo dicaprio actually did pretty well in the role of richard . mind you i think the rest of the cast that had some which had reasonably sized roles did equally well if not better . which begs the question why is leonardo paid so much ? ( i think this is a topic all on its own so i won ', t get into it ) . but i like the fact that there was an international cast used  had only and american cast been used i can see this movie being horrible . the international flavor added a more global feel to the movie that made it that much more bearable . not to mention the movie is set in thailand and a global cast makes more sense . when all is said and done i liked the movie for the most part but the gaping inadequacies of the plot are unforgivable . i would not recommend this movie to anyone  the fact that i liked it has a lot to do with the cinematography and the sheer beauty of the movie not its plot or story . as it is the story tries to be much too philosophical and fails at its attempt . if you do end up going to see this movie be forewarned about its shortcomings .
neg kate ( jennifer aniston ) is having some problems . it appears the twenty - eight year old is not happy with her slow progression up the company ladder  and her love life apparently leaves something to be desired . she learns that her problems are related  as the owner of her advertising agency  mr . mercer ( kevin dunn )  explains to her that her single status does not bode well with the company . her freedom would make her more likely to leave the company  taking clients with her . a solution presents itself in nick ( jay mohr )  a wedding videographer who kate meets through a coincidence and gets photographed with . kate ', s boss  darcy ( illeana douglas )  uses the photograph to fabricate a wedding engagement between kate and nick . kate is at first repulsed by the idea  but after getting immediate positive results  she pursues it . her first task is to convince nick to go along with her plan . the actual plan consists of nick pretending to be her fianc ? . at a dinner with kate ', s bosses he will provoke a fight and they will break up . she meets nick to propose the plan . he accepts . kate ', s new status brings unexpected results in other areas . the office bad boy  sam ( kevin bacon )  who wouldn ', t give kate the time of day  now does . now that she is engaged  he pursues an affair with her  as doing so would destroy her good girl image  hence sam ', s sudden interest . things start to fall apart for kate  as it becomes apparent that nick really likes her  and does not wish to break up with her . after some provoking nick does oblige  but problems continue for kate . it appears sam is no longer interested now that she is available . or maybe kate does like nick  but " reconciliation " will force her to admit her lies to her employer . adding to her mess is the constant prying of her mother ( olympia dukakis )  who wants her to get married and settle down . there is a scene in this movie where jennifer aniston is ( from the waist up ) only wearing a bra . it made me chuckle because it is the only time in the movie when she actually wears one . there is enough cleavage in this movie to satisfy russ meyer . it ', s like the director said ', well  we know the story is formulaic and the performances aren ', t that great so  what the heck  let ', s show jennifer ', s assets as often and as uncovered as humanly possible to keep the pg rating . " quite frankly it ', s insulting . i don ', t think aniston is a competent enough actress to carry a movie . she did a decent enough job in ed burns ', " she ', s the one " because it was a smaller and supporting role  and she just doesn ', t deliver the goods effectively in this movie . her performance was not convincing . unfortunately  as far as romantic comedies go  this movie adds nothing new to the standard formula for these types of movies . the film is similar to " my best friends wedding " in a sense that the leading female character is actually quite vindictive and due her actions  gets no sympathy from me when things go awry . i didn ', t care for how quickly kate puts down nick ', s profession by explaining that videotaping weddings wasn ', t glamorous enough for her co - workers . at least " my best friends wedding " changed the formula a bit and had a somewhat surprise ending . no such luck with " picture perfect " . every plot occurrence can be spotted a mile away  including a couple that really made no sense . after everything kate had done to prove her loyalty to her company  why would she blindly throw it all away when she should have made sure that nick would even talk to her first  let alone consider a relationship ? was quitting her job a prerequisite to making amends with nick ? throw in the fact that i don ', t think nick and kate spent enough time together to even warrant that rash of a decision . i believe that kate liked him  but liked him so intensely that she was willing to throw her career away ? i doubt it . and what of the ending scene at a wedding where the entire congregation feels it necessary to stop everything and stare at the couple ? are mass groups of people simultaneously that interested in total strangers ? well  i guess of the congregation consists of movie extras and the strangers are the movies two lead stars  then that would make sense . picture perfect directed by glenn gordon caron kate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . jennifer aniston nick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . jay mohr sam . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . kevin bacon mercer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . kevin dunn darcy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . illeana douglas rita . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . olympia dukakis written by randy turgeon  february 26  1998 . visit my movie reviews ! www . xtdl . com /~ canran
neg this review contains spoilers  but believe me  i don ', t say anything you can ', t guess 10 minutes into the movie . i * did * go into this one with high expectations . i had been exposed to media reports that this film would signify a departure from the slasher flicks . i sort of expected another exorcist or the shining . i even put aside my general rule of not seeing this type of film . boy  was i wrong ! another garbage slasher flick  the only difference being that * this * one has a story ! the story  you ask ? well  a scumball buys a chinese puzzle from a guy in an arab souk . he takes it home  somehow getting it past customs : - ) and starts fiddling with it in his attic . lo and behold  after he takes it apart  three demons appear and start taking him apart  but with meat hooks . when they ', re finished  his gizzards are hanging from the ceiling . they botch up their cleanup job  however  and manage to leave his heart ( or some gland ; i didn ', t really recognize the organ ) under a floorboard . the guy ', s brother and his brother ', s wife appear at the door soon after  and decide to move in . they throw away scumball ', s belongings  and set up house . turns out that wife is a bit of a nympho  and screwed around with scumball right before her marriage . she starts having some wild hallucinations . later  hubby spills some blood on the attic floorboards ( slow - mo special effects of the buckets of blood hitting the ground -- all from the tiny cut on his hand ) . said blood is eagerly sucked up by scumball ', s organ . the organ grows into a thing that requires yet more blood in order to complete the regeneration into a really ugly thing . it establishes mind contact with wife  who agrees to help him get more blood  because she really wants to be screwed again . so  she helps him kill three businessmen . scumball  at this time  gradually gets his strength back and grows all his organs back . problem is  he doesn ', t have any skin  and even after three or four corpses  still doesn ', t get any skin . he finally gets some  though  but strangely enough  he ends up looking like his brother . guess they couldn ', t get the original actor back . who knows . scumball ( whose name is frank ) is not a nice guy . he describes his torture by the demons fondly  as the " ultimate pleasure and pain  since at that level there is no difference between the two . " somehow  i don ', t see getting torn apart by 90 fish - and meat - hooks a lot of fun . this guy is * so * bad ( " how bad * is * he ? " )  * so * bad that the * rats * cower in a corner in fear . for good reason  too ; he crucifies two of them for fun  and carves a third while the nympho ', s horsing around with hubby . anyway . hubby ', s daughter ( who  if course  is not * wife ', s * daughter ) starts to suspect something is wrong after she sees wife going into the attic with one of her johns and the ensuing screams . the dumb bimbo meets scumball  and is not impressed . she manages to escape with the chinese puzzle  and brings out the demons . at any rate  the demons are pissed off that they screwed up their cleanup ; they ', re normally quite meticulous about that type of thing . the story boils down to the demons trying to correct their mistake . the demons are not  however  the good guys . the dumb bimbo ', s the good guy . she somehow not only gets them to take care of frank  but also banishes them to hell or oblivion  we ', re not too sure which . not too shabby for someone with single - digit iq . this is basically a " bad jinn " story . it is an * awful * movie . awful acting  bad focus in the photography  many scenes of skin being penetrated by meathooks  which is really unrealistic  and looks like the latex that it is . continuity ? who cares . acting ? * terrible * . script ? horrible . sounds canned . unrealistic . story is so - so  but the impact is lost long  long before the film ends . i do think the * rat * acting was quite good . i have never seen rats look afraid . they should get nominated for an award . really good acting there  the best in the movie . " the envelope for best furry rodent  please . . . " a " " rating would be far too generous . a " 1 / 10 " rating ( or - 4 in the - 4 to + 4 rating system ) is far more accurate . this movie is so bad that people in the audience were laughing  chortling at the bad acting and crummy dialog . i can see this film turning into the next rocky horror picture show . people were getting so fed up they were yelling warnings up to the characters on the screen . had to have something to do . dumb  dumb  dumb movie . i was embarrassed that i spent money to see it . it goes without saying that i disagree with the other reviews on the board that attempt to review the film for itself . lots of slime and red - dyed corn syrup does not constitute " horror  " in my opinion .
neg " have you ever heard the one about a movie so bad that it made a guy run out of the theatre screaming ? " obviously the producers at columbia tristar did not think that we suffered enough from the first installment  and so to finish us utterly  they have now released " urban legends : final cut " . this is another " scream " - like feature  consisting merely from the recycled materials of rip - offs from the most pointless movies of all time . amy ( jennifer morrison ) is a film student who is attending a film school filled with uninspired film students who do not have a clue about what to do . but just as she reaches the halfway mark of her final semester at prestigious university ', s film program -- where each year ', s best thesis production takes the coveted hitchcock prize  a virtual one - way ticket to hollywood success -- she has a chance encounter with campus security guard reese ( loretta devine )  whose tale of a series of murders based on urban legends at another university inspires amy to try her hand at a fictional thriller organized along similar lines . soon enough  fake -- and real -- blood starts to flow  and amy is being chased around by scary killer  while her cast and crew get slain  one by one . is the culprit the original urban legends murderer  just some random psycho  ! a member of the faculty  one of her competitors for the hitchcock  or is there something even more stupid going on ? this is another one of those tiring  pointless teen slasher flicks : neither scary  funny  or interesting . it simply lacks the ability and the story to entertain . the body counts and screams continue to grow  as the weak level of intelligence sinks rapidly . in fact watching films like that after having watched " scary movie " is impossible keeping a serious face . several times i tried to prevent myself from laughing  without succeeding . and then i realized that practically the whole theatre was laughing . it ', s the same thing that has been told and told and told over and over again as if it was the revelation of the century . how many times must we tolerate the same clich ? s that have haunted the slasher genre since its birth ? it has been so many films about masked killers that most of us have developed an allergy for them . they are the most stupid  meaningless  predictable and soulless films in existence . however  director john ottman manages to make " urban legends : final cut " into one of the worst achievements of this godforsaken genre . what was done with a sense of redemption for past failures and irony in " scream "  ottman takes seriously . for that reason alone  it is worth a look  just to realize how bad a movie can be . it ', s tough to find comparisons for such an achievement  and we have to dig in ancient history to find a movie that would match its intellect . even movies like " lost in space " and " mission to mars " seem spectacular in its shadow . we have not seen such waste of t ! ime and resources since " showgirls " ( 1995 ) . no matter how hard i tried to find positive elements in this so called production  i came up with nothing  except the way the killer was dressed . here i feel that i have to compliment the costume designers trysha bakker and marie - sylvie deveu  that have wisely replaced the well known scream - mask with a very elegant fencing mask . jennifer morrison ( " stir of echoes " ) is all right  and the other actors ', best achievement is keeping a straight face when pronouncing the words from the script . in fact the only thing that is terrifying about this film ( with the exception of its screenplay ) is its portray of film schools . if these graduates will be the directors of the future  then hollywood ', s golden days are over . rumors are already spreading through the internet that columbia tristar is already developing a third installment . let ', s just hope and pray that it ', s just an urban legend .
neg " we are grateful that we have the songs of grace chan to comfort us . " starring lee kang - sheng  yang kuei - mei directed by tsai ming - liang written by tsai and yang ping - ying cinematography by liao peng - jung taiwan  24 / 12 / 99 . the millenium approaches . an incessant downpour batters an unnamed city . sectors of the city are being sealed  quarantined due to the onset of a mysterious virus . the virus causes people to act like insects : they crawl about on all fours  hide from bright lights  huddle in damp corners . the water supply to the quarantined zones will be cut off in a week ', s time . residents are advised to evacuate the area  asap . this premise -- kafka by way of cronenberg -- is the background for the hole  which could have been a great movie  but  sadly  ends up as a waste of good ideas . the quick sketch above suggests a dark  absurd  hallucinatory near - future parable of life in the late 20th century ; in execution  however  it is nothing like that . the virus  the evacuation  the visual possiblities of the deluge : these are all relegated to the background . instead  the hole focuses on the lives -- for want of a better word -- of a man ( lee kang - sheng ) and a woman ( yang kuei - mei ) who live in the same apartment building  and who have no personalities . the entire movie taks place in settings that are uniformly ugly and sterile : the charmless rooms and corridors of a post - industrial apartment complex  photographed to look as dim and dingy as possible . it ', s a vivid setting  but an unappealing one  especially with the monotonous hiss of falling rain and the gurgle of drainage pipes in the background . the man lives in the apartment directly above the woman ', s . one day  a repairman investigating a leak leaves a small hole in the floor of the man ', s living room  opening into the ceiling of the woman ', s living room . this hole -- symbol of the solitary opening in the character ', s lonely  compartmented lives -- allows them to interact in unusual ( and mostly non - verbal ) ways . example : the man  suffering from the onset of the virus ( or so i assume -- everything is obscure in this movie ) vomits through the hole . the woman  wandering around in the dark  accidentally puts her hand on his vomit  and then cleans it up . this is what passes for meaningful communication . and they say romance is dead . much of the film does not even focus on their interactions  such as they are . there is almost no dialogue and we learn next to nothing about these people . they are ciphers . instead  we are treated to long takes in which we witness their miserable lives ; we watch  for instance  as the woman boils some water  pours it onto some noodles  then eats the noodles . ( this is as fascinating as it sounds . ) offered as counterpoint -- or perhaps relief -- to these dreary sequences are a series of musical numbers  fantasies in which the woman lip - synchs to pop songs by grace chan ( popular  so i ', m told  in 1950s ', china ) . she prances around in grimy hallways and grungy stairwells  incronguously lit by cheerfully bright spotlights . sometimes  in these fantasies  she is joined by the man . these scenes are presumably intended to be bright and fanciful  sharply contrasting the dreariness of reality  but they fail . when the man and the woman dance  it seems half - hearted and listless . astaire and rogers this is not . even in imagination  these people are numb  weary  boring . the hole is part of the ', collection 2000 ', series  a group of films commissioned by french tv station la sept arte on the subject of the millenium . others include canada ', s last night  brazil ', s midnight  and american hal hartley ', s the book of life . the book of life is the only other one that i have seen  and it is infinitely superior to the taiwanese entry . witty  energetic  humane  it makes the the hole seem ( ahem ) empty . american movies with nothing to say try to disguise their lack of content with flashy movements  quick cuts  superficial emotions . foreign movies with nothing to say do what the hole does : they point the camera at something of minimal interest for unbelievably long periods of time  and call it art . the hole is self - evidently a film about alienation  and perhaps director tsai ming - liang wants the audience to share in his characters ', alienation . if so  he succeeds . perhaps it is a challenge : he dares us to enjoy this movie  despite his best attempts to ensure that we don ', t . if it was a challenge  i wasn ', t up for it .
neg what happens when you put martin lawrence in a fat suit in real life ? you get martin lawrence in a coma ( the comedian thought he was getting fat  so he put on numerous layers of heavy clothing and went jogging in 100 degree heat  ending up in a coma ) . so what happens when you put martin lawrence in a fat suit in the movies ? you get an audience in a coma . in big momma ', s house  lawrence plays a fbi agent who ', s a master of disguises . when a naughty  naughty man escapes from jail and seeks out his former girlfriend ( the very sexy nia long . . . the only thing worth looking at in this movie )  she flees to georgia to stay with her rather large southern aunt " big momma " ( ella mitchell ) . the fbi follows her in order to recover the large sum of money stolen in the bank robbery that sent the naughty man to jail . however  big momma is called away on an emergency . sensing that they could lose their only chance to capture the criminal  lawrence goes undercover as big momma . and let the comedy begin ! big momma ', s house is the definition of a " gimmick " movie if there ever was one . the plot can basically be summed up as " martin lawrence dresses up as a fat woman " . . . and even that description is too wordy . you can just see this script plotted out on a chalkboard with martin lawrence / fat woman in the middle of the board with a big circle around it  and all sorts of clich ? d  " humorous " situations pointing to it . fat woman plays basketball ! fat woman takes a dump ! fat woman kung fu ! well they left one off the board . . . movie critic slips into coma ! paul giamatti ( private parts  the negotiator ) plays lawrence ', s partner and as much as i enjoy his work  even he can ', t inject life into this lifeless comedy . hell  the greatest performers on the planet couldn ', t make this material work . . . it ', s just that awful .
neg blatantly borrowing elements from 1993 ', s " like water for chocolate " and 1991 ', s " the butcher ', s wife  " " simply irresistible " attempts to be a whimsical romantic comedy but  more often than not  comes off as laughable  leaving you to wonder why rising star sarah michelle gellar ( t . v . ', s " buffy  the vampire slayer " ) would choose such an obviously inept film project to waste her time on . things get off to a bad start right from the onset as amanda ( sarah michelle gellar )  a young woman who runs her late family ', s struggling new york restaurant  runs into a mystery man who forces a bushel of crabs on her and then vansihes into thin air . while out shopping  she also meets tom ( sean patrick flanery )  a charming  handsome man  who happens to be planning a ritzy restaurant for the department store he works for  and later when he decides to drop by her dive  called southern cross  for lunch  she somehow makes a delicious crab dish for him  even though she is known to not be a very good chef . suddenly  amanda finds her restaurant  on the edge of foreclosure  rejuvenate to life as customer begin to swarm for her food  which strangely causes everyone immediate jubilation when it hits their mouths . are amanda and tom destined to be together ? and is it not just because of the magical food  but because they really  truly like each other ? and what exactly is going on with the food she is making ? does it have anything to do with that pesky crab she got that sits on the shelf in the kitchen somehow assisting her in her food preparation ? " simply irresistible " is a ridiculous and just plain goofy romantic fantasy that ', s as flimsy as a slice of bologna . it takes one joke --- that people who eat the food are taken aback by it in most unusual ways --- and recycles it over and over again until the film has reached an appropriate running time of 95 minutes . add in a music montage every ten minutes ( these are actually the best scenes in the movie  which certainly tells you something about the film itself )  and what you ', ve got is an utterly empty  if not necessarily boring  excursion . the cast of " simply irresistible " is fairly good  but it is the supporting characters who are the most interesting . patricia clarkson ( 1998 ', s " high art  " in which she played a drugged - out lesbian ) is a standout as tom ', s colleague  and is thankfully given a few funny lines of dialogue . also of note is larry gilliard jr .  as amanda ', s cooking assistant and buddy  who is allowed to create a seemingly full character out of only a handful of scenes . of the main stars  sarah michelle gellar is fine  but really does often look like she ', s struggling through the unmistakably clumsy material  and if sean patrick flanery plans on keeping a film career in the future  he has certainly got to pick better projects than this . the bottom line is that " simply irresistible " is the exact opposite of its deprophesized title  and when the movie got to the point where the characters began to float in mid - air ( an unamusing plot device that was repeated in the stupid last scene )  my mind checked out from the characters and the romance . when i think about it in hindsight  i should have checked out in the very first scene  where the point of the action was for gellar to crawl under tables looking for a runaway mechanical crab . now  that certainly is what i ', d call magical !
neg i won \x12 t even pretend that i have seen the other 3 alien films . i saw glimpses of alien and aliens and fragments of alien 3  but i have by no means actually sat down and watched any of them . so take my opinion from an unbiased and impartial perspective : alien resurrection is not worth the large bag of lollies i was munching into after a hard day \x12 s work . i didn \x12 t just dislike it so much because the plot was awful ; most of the acting was very average or the special effects got tiresome after 5 minutes of painful viewing \x16 but also the fact that every tedious ingredient thrown in attempts to give this pointless dribble some meaning . sigourney weaver  who \x12 s role in alien earned her an academy award nomination  plays the character of \x13 ripley  \x14 who died fighting against extraterrestrial scum in alien 3 . 200 years later  scientists \x12 use a sample of blood found at the site of her death to recreate ripley - including the alien that was stuck inside her . in no time they remove the alien from her body and separate the two ; yet ripley is now not completely human  possessing strange amounts of strength and being able to withhold greater pain than a normal being . i \x12 m sure someone can explain exactly why this is so  but for now we \x12 ll just ignore it and move on . why  you ask  would ripley and the alien inside her be recreated ? well  the smart little lab researchers believed that they would be able to discover many advancements in science from studying the alien creature . these were the same people who said they could control the alien and that their was no danger in their research . they ( yawn ) were wrong . it doesn \x12 t take a genius to figure out that the rest of the film is a continuous cat and mouse chase between the humans who die off one by one and the aliens who open their mouths on every possible occasion to show off their frightfully scary un - flossed teeth . there \x12 s a little saying that goes something like this : \x13 if you \x12 re going to make a bad film  do it well . \x14 i have seen plenty of disappointing and underachieving movies  but they are not the ones that really bother me . alien resurrection  a good example of a film that really gets up my nose  is not so much a discouraging experience but an off putting one . there is no way to describe why the australian ma rating was given to this film other than unnecessary and repulsive gore  which attempts to distract us from the wandering - but - not - going - anywhere plot . in one scene my stomach churned as i witnessed a mawkish looking alien put its hand on a characters head and literally ripped most of his face off . another one featured ripley sticking a knife through her hand just to impress someone she was talking to . fair enough if it were in a horror film or even if it bared any significance to the story  but this is unfortunately not the case  and this sort of bizarre gore is inexcusable . if you think i \x12 m struggling to find one good aspect about the film  then you thought right . one exciting scene is a credit ( and the only part remotely worth seeing ) to the film  in which an alien chases two men ( one a cripple ) up a tall ladder with interesting results . but of course after that thrilling scene alien resurrection had no problem in returning to its pathetically low standard  and ends up crashing into the shores of movie dullness more often than japanese kamikaze jet fighters fall off their skis . so in a film where the one liners come as bad as \x13 earth man  what a shit hole \x14 and the primary means for one mans strategic attack is to bounce bullets off walls to hit an opponent  its no wonder why alien : resurrection turned out to be as off putting and clumsy as it is . oh  and in case you \x12 re wondering about my bag of lollies \x16 the less i enjoy a film  the more i eat . so all the lollies were gone in 15 minutes ; but however empty the bag turned out to be  it was still a long way ahead of the movie \x05
neg synopsis : lifelong friends rafe ( affleck ) and danny ( hartnett ) join the us air force and are stationed at pearl harbor  hawaii . rafe goes to england to fight alongside british pilots and is seemingly killed in action . danny falls in love with rafe ', s girlfriend  evelyn ( beckinsale )  but rafe survives and returns to confront his former friend . meanwhile  the japanese sneak attack is imminent . . . review : " pearl harbor " is a perfect example of movies as product rather than as art . it is little more than a crassly - calculated attempt to woo the masses  enticing them with big stars  big effects  and a big setting -- but no heart . it is difficult to criticise the actors  because they do everything the movie demands of them . sadly  this amounts to barely more than reciting dialogue of such sheer banality that it makes one eager to see the script randall wallace wrote with his right hand at the same time as he was writing " pearl harbor " with his left . the plot here is pure cliche  and the wartime setting simply a convenient backdrop . there is no genuine exploration of what pearl harbor meant to the united states  and no insight into its vital role in inciting that country to join world war ii . instead  there is just an assembly - line love triangle  some empty patriotic rhetoric  and a laughable attempt to placate japanese viewers via the inclusion of some reticent imperial commanders ( when one intones  " i fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant "  i nearly fell out of my seat ) . to the movie ', s credit  it does include a fantastic portrayal of the attack itself  an exciting and dizzying hour which plunges viewers into the war . if only the remaining two hours had been crafted with such skill  perhaps this memorial day non - event would have been worth watching .
neg this is a film that i was inclined to like at the outset : the two main characters had been involved with the fine television drama st . elsewhere for several years  and i had understood that the director / screenwriter had written for the show on occasion also . i am sorry to report that the results were not up to my expectations  nor were they satisfactory . if i had to list a reason why . . . . but that would be getting ahead of myself ; besides  it ', s not immediately clear  as there are so many problems with the film . adam arkin plays a grade - school teacher who is sardonic  cynical  and somewhat abrasive  but a good teacher . he spends his lunches playing basketball by himself on a nearby court . one day  he meets a drifter ( david morse  who plays jack morrison on st . elsewhere ) in the park  and inveigles him in a game of one - on - one basketball . morse turns out to be good  and a friendship slowly develops between the two  as their respective professions progress on the screen -- arkin ', s teaching  and morse ', s selling of paper flowers to passing motorists . so far  my major complaint would be the lack of dialogue  and the constant intrusion of the musical soundtrack . good music to be sure  but it doesn ', t replace the dialogue for setting the mood or telling the story -- it makes the film somewhat minimalistic  a technique i rarely admire . suddenly their friendship is interrupted by morse ', s introduction to a fellow teacher of arkin ', s  a woman arkin has long admired from afar  but it too reticent to approach . it appears that she begins to admire morse ( who enjoys here attentions  but isn ', t sure what to do about it -- she doesn ', t realize that he is a drifter  and knows nothing about his past )  and this causes friction between arkin and almost everyone else . until then  i had only a vague dissatisfaction with the film . the conclusion is where it begins to evolve into a full - fledged failure . the woman  at least to me  appeared to be fairly shallow ; i didn ', t realize how shallow until her final scene with arkin  where she reveals that she has been trying to make arkin jealous by her attentions to morse . somehow  this is made to appear as if it is arkin ', s fault  and it is left with him feeling somehow victorious that he ', s gotten such a find of girlfriend . frankly  dropping her on the spot would have seemed the most civilized action arkin could make ; punching her in the mouth not the least . after this  the childish confrontation between morse and arkin at the end seems almost natural . if i had to summarize a major gripe  it ', s that this is a story spread too thin  that creates semi - likable characters at the outset  and then suddenly jerks them into being 16 - year - olds at the last moment . it might be true - to - life with some people ; but that doesn ', t mean * i * have to like it . i don ', t . . avoid .
neg i love movies . i really do . every time i watch great movies like goodfellas ( 1990 ) or raiders of the lost ark ( 1981 )  a tear comes to my eye due to the awesome talent  skill and entertainment that is on display . even lower grade films such as the naked gun 33 1 / 3 ( 1994 ) or ghostbusters ii ( 1988 ) while not exactly brilliantly well made  are certainly not a waste of celluloid and present entertainment value . then there ', s my favourite martian  the exact opposite of what a movie should be : a hurried  poorly written and acted movie with one goal  to make money . disney  ever since the lion king ( 1994 ) have lost their magic touch  but this dross just shows how far disney have sunk . christopher lloyd plays a martian who crash lands in front of t . v reporter ', s tim o ', hara car ( daniels )  and soon tim finds the martian in his home  trying to recover and fix his spaceship . along with his ', zoot ', spacesuit  voiced by wayne knight  must fix his spaceship before it explodes  and also try to stop his identity being revealed to the public  firstly by o ', hara  but later by rival t . v presenter brace channing ( hurley )  by calling himself tim ', s ', uncle martin . ', ', laughter ', is supposed to arise from the ', comical ', events  but never does . many bad films have good intentions  but my favourite martian doesn ', t appear to try to provide any entertainment . filled to the brim with wham bang special effects  my favourite martian offers little more than some nice eye candy . christopher lloyd mugs his way through the entire movie  i ', ve never seen a man pull a face for 93 minutes until now . jeff daniels plays ', staple nice guy ', and his role is useless . his performance is incredibly lazy  although his paperthin character doesn ', t deserve more than the performance he gives . darryl hannah looks as pretty as ever  but her role is somewhat  erm  limited . hurley mistakes ', acting ', for ', shouting and looking like a twit ', and wins the david wilcock award for ', most irritating  godawful performance in a moving picture . ', way to go liz ! for the supporting cast  disney manage to assemble every character actor out there  during the film i was going ', he was the guy in . . . ah . . er . . . ', before finally giving up and switching off . another major setback is the staple ', comedy sidekick . ', unfortunately  the writers ( sherri stoner and deanna oliver  if anyone cares ) forget that a comedy sidekick needs to be ', funny . ', instead  they deliver zoot  the martians deeply unfunny sidekick . although meant to be a manic character no doubt  every line that comes out of his ', neck ', is a dud . a real dud . citizen kane delivers more laughs a minute than his hell spawn piece of polyester . even the kids in the audience were insulted by this character : not one child even bothered to smirk . it ', s a nice special effect  though . another problems with this comedy are the gags themselves . or rather  the lack of them . my favourite martian reaches a new level of toilet humour : it goes past the bowl  down the pipe and into the sewer . now  toilet humour can be funny  as dumb and dumber ( 1994 ) humorously showed . but here  characters farting  belching and almost getting crapped on ( literally ) is not ', amusing . ', it ', s insulting . there ', s one good gag right before the credits  but it appears the guy who wrote that gag tragically died and his unfunny twin continued . either that  or they were hoping that easy to please six year olds wouldn ', t mind the fact that his movie is beaten by men at work in the funny stakes . yes  men at work . yowza ! the fact that a lot of money was pumped into this film  and that they actually got people to agree to be in this film just depresses me even more . there are thousands of brilliant films out there that can ', t get distribution  yet trash like this gets released nation - wide with ease . thankfully  as soon as it makes it ', s money  it will never be seen again  and my favourite martian will end up where the two lead characters do near the end of the movie : down the toilet .
neg i looked at the " internet movie database " ', s awards section for this film  and found that this was nominated for a golden globe for " best picture ( drama ) . " anyone who ', s seen this film can back me up on this : this is the worst of the " great " disaster films  and that ', s not really saying a lot for this film . " earthquake " is basically notable because it originally included some theatre thing where the theatre shook when the big earthquake occured . on video  it ', s a bland and slow - moving film which gives us a bunch of different characters ( the disaster film requisite )  then brings them together in the struggle against the big disaster . while this worked in  say  " the towering inferno  " it doesn ', t here for one single reason : we don ', t care about any of the characters . the film gives us charlton heston ( in one of many crap 70s films he made  including " skyjacked " and that classic  " soylent green " ) as a rich man married to ava gardner  who is having a little affair with a young single mom ( genieveve bujold ) ; a renegade police officer on suspension ( george kennedy  in his least humored performance ) ; in the second weirdest subplot  a motorcycle stuntman ( richard roundtree  right after his " shaft " thing ) whose big stunt is he goes on a little track that goes upside down ( yea  snore ) ; and the weirdest subplot : a military man / bag boy at a grocery store who has a little thing for buxom victoria principal  and eventually gets vengeance on those guys who made fun of his hair ( ! ! ! ) . in smaller subplots  there ', s a pointless bit about people who are flying over l . a . ( the city in the film  by the way )  one who ', s playing cards and married to a boring non - acting husband ( you think this one can go nowhere ? guess again . he gets interested in the final frames ) ; there ', s genieveve bujold ', s moron son  who has a little adventure with wires ; and for some much - needed comedy  there ', s walter matthau ( billed as walter mutha . . . . - the only laugh in the film )  as a wild drunkard  who ', s big moment is a dance he does at a critical time . as for the actual " earthquake  " it ', s rather a let - down . there ', s a full hour of character - setups  none of which is interesting  then about 10 minutes of shaking  crumbling  and a bit where a house almost falls on bujold ( narrowly missing ) . this film needed that whole theatre - shaking : they needed to wake everybody up because they were so bored . there ', s little suspense following the quake  although this film tries for it . there ', s an adventure in a crumbling high - rise office building  the wires with the kid  and the movement of people who are all injured . but none of these are all - too suspenseful . the finale with the heston / gardner / bujold love triangle is ended in a basic flip - of - the - coin bit  which brings out a big let - down . and there ', s no real finale . even " volcano " ended nicely  and that movie really sucked . not only is it hokey  but you don ', t care about any character . who cares if heston dies ? who cares if he choses bujold or gardner ( although i would have chosen gardner  mainly on the basis that she can actually act ) ? who cares if richard roundtree makes money on his stupid " stunt ? " who cares if that idiot kid falls to his death on some wires ? and who cares about that whole plane spiel ? if anything  " earthquake " is worth a viewing for the same reason " glen or glenda ? " is . i mean  i laughed at this more than i did at " bio dome . " but that ', s another story ( and review ) . in short  " earthquake " gives disaster pics a bad name .
neg the formula is simple . trap a varied group of people on an isolated location  then pop in a seemingly unstoppable monster to kill them one by one . these have been the successful ingredients for many good films ( the thing  alien  aliens  and tremors to name a few ) . so  why is it that so many films following this recipe end up pathetically bad ? ( see the relic for a particularly putrid example . ) perhaps it is simply too easy to forget the necessary binding ingredient : effort and ideas . deep rising meets these two requirements part way  but not enough to salvage the film . treat williams is finnegan  the leader of a small boat crew who hire out their services ( and their boat ) for any activity . . . no questions asked . this time  however  they may have gone too far . their passengers  led by the ominous wes studi  are the type of multi - national terrorist squads usually only seen in die hard films . and their cargo . . . let ', s just say it has very high explosive potential . what is the target of these thieves ? why  the argonauticus  of course  a high tech luxury cruise yacht on its maiden voyage . but something else is hunting the argonauticus . . . something ancient and deadly . by the time the thieves arrive  nearly everyone on board the ship has been killed . and now the creature senses fresh meat ! so  you have the thieves and their mercenary boat crew  joining forces with the surviving passengers ( including the ship owner canton ( anthony heald )  and a thief with less lofty goals  trillian ( famke janssen ) ) against the terror from the deep . and the monster gets to pick them off one by one . fortunately for the creature  this particular band of criminals happens to be the dumbest the world can offer . why else would they indulge in petty squabbling while they watch their friends become fish food . if there ', s a more clarion call for unity  i don ', t know what it might be . it ', s pretty easy to guess who will get killed off when . there are no surprises in that the most interesting characters seem to last until the end . for the most part  the watery tentacles seem to be acting on the audience ', s impulses to get rid of the most boring characters first . ( although i wonder if the filmmakers might have extended djimon hounsou ', s life a bit if they knew this would be released so soon after his acclaim for amistad . ) treat williams is a passable hero  and famke janssen does her best julia roberts impersonation . but while wes studi and anthony heald are particularly slimy  very little of the rest of the company stand out in any way . the biggest treat in the film  however  has to be pantucci  kevin j . o ', connor ', s whining engine - boy  under finnegan ', s employ . his constant quips may be a bit over - written  but they manage to capture the same vein of nerve - addled humor that bill paxton delivered as hudson in aliens ( or todd graff as hippie in the abyss  for that matter ) . it ', s just a stock part ( the comic - relief character )  but it almost makes this tired alien clone bearable . as far as the monster goes  although the cgi is done well  the creature has no logical consistency . think back to the great ( or even just good ) movie monsters . they all had a set of " rules " about what they could do  and how and why they would do it . part of the joy of those films was slowly discovering  along with the heroes  just what those rules are . the tentacle monster in deep rising doesn ', t have a set of rules . . . or if it does  not a very good one . it merely eats ( or drinks  as the case may be )  and there is no rhyme or reason for what it does in order to do so . the film never explains why the argonauticus is attacked in the first place . it simply happens . the action scenes are decent  but few are noteworthy . the film definitely does suffer from its proximity to titanic . deep rising ', s peril in the water scenes pale next to cameron ', s ( but can you really blame them ) . unfortunately  deep rising ', s efforts are more on par with speed 2 . on the plus side  however  the film ', s closing image shows some promise for a potentially interesting ( but unlikely ) sequel . perhaps you ', d be better off waiting for that one .
neg the thirteenth floor is a bland  obligatory exercise in genre film - making . if i hadn ', t recently watched the matrix and open your eyes -- both of which are similar but far superior -- i might have been a little nicer to this picture . craig bierko makes an adequate hero as douglas hall  the rich co - creator of a perfect human world simulation who is suddenly blamed for the murder of his boss ( armin mueller - stahl ) . everything that was subtle and smart about the previously mentioned films is battered over our heads in this one  and characters stare at each other for maddeningly - long periods of time and refuse to communicate on any realistic level . the acting is okay  but the film suffers from every logical flaw one could think of  and features a script ( co - penned by director josef rusnak ) loaded with cliches and stock characters . there are individual scenes and ideas that work -- i like the thought of a sentient computer program -- but none of the film ', s strengths are recognized to any meaningful degree . producer roland emmerich  based on this and his previous directorial efforts  seems hell - bent on bringing us the ultimate standard in mediocre science - fiction .
neg my giant begins with a monologue that ', s more funny than not and a distinctive ` princess bride  ', medieval fairy - tale - in - the - ? 90s feel . i was pleasantly surprised how sharp the comedy was  with very funny scenes occurring on a movie set in romania where talent agent sammy ( billy crystal ) is visiting a client and in the monastery where sammy ends up after being mysteriously saved when he accidentally plunges his car into a stream . and when sammy meets max  his giant  mysterious savior played by gheorghe muresan  there is magic in the air ; albeit it a bit goofy  i loved every minute of it . the film  of course  plays on the size difference between the two  and at times you would almost swear it must be special effects . i particularly enjoyed a shot of sammy dangling his legs from a max - sized chair as the two face each over an enormous table and eat from oversized bowls and spoons . i also liked jere burns ', ( from tv ', s ` something so right ', ) performance as the director of the film in romania . at this point  the primary flaw in the film is that gheorghe muresan is incredibly hard to understand  particularly during his fast - paced first scene . it is unfortunate that the script required him to speak quickly right out of the gate  as i did understand him more as the film continued and i became accustomed to his speech . however  about the time muresan becomes coherent  the characters head to new york and the film takes a dive . off the high board . suddenly  we are expected to believe sammy is a do - whatever - it - takes slime ball . up until this point he was pursuing his own interests to be sure  but he didn ', t come off as a desperate jerk . if he had  the first scenes could never have been so lighthearted and magical . but now  in new york  we are further introduced to his neglected wife and son  and his character is desperate enough to involve max in a disturbing giant vs . midgets wrestling match  which i found quite unpleasant and jarring within the framework of the film . indeed  many scenes stuck out of this film like incorrectly placed puzzle pieces . this includes the scenes featuring steven seagal  when sammy gets max a role in a big  hollywood movie filming in las vegas . while i enjoyed seeing seagal poke fun at himself  the scenes appeared to exist solely because of his participation  rather than because the film demanded it . and the audience is required to take a huge leap to believe that max would win the role based on his quotations of shakespeare . at this point i found myself thinking  ` we ', re supposed to believe that someone would cast this guy in a film ? ', then i realized he was  and i was watching it . in the final third  the film undergoes another transformation  this time to unbridled sentimentality . note : major plot points are revealed in this and the final paragraph . max went to america because sammy promised to reunited him with his childhood love  lillianna  who hasn ', t seen him since he was a normal - sized kid . her refusal to see max ( unbeknownst to him ) leads us to an awkward ` ends justify the means ', scene as sammy ', s wife serena  played nicely by kathleen quinlan  poses as lillianna . i found this scene offensive . not only did it rely on deception to induce warm  fuzzy feelings from the audience  it reduced max to someone we should pity and coddle  which i thought was quite undeserved . i think max could have handled the truth  gratuitous illness and all . late in the film we learn max  and in fact all giants  have a heart condition which shortens their lives considerably . this could be an enlightening revelation  but the film seemingly presents it only to justify sammy ', s transformation into a caring  sensitive guy -- and hey  a great dad and husband  too ! ` my giant ', suffers from a poorly constructed story line and undeveloped characters whose actions are determined by plot points rather than their own internal persuasions . a stronger story with more room for character growth might have been possible if the focus was on max ', s struggle to be accepted and cast in movies instead of sammy ', s struggles to get money and become a better person . in this scenario  max ', s illness could have been a integral part of the film not a story motivator . sentiment and emotion would have followed naturally . instead  we ', re apparently not supposed to like sammy until the end  but we ', re not allowed to focus on max . crystal and muresan give adequate and at times enjoyable performances  but in the end  ` my giant ', left me feeling like i ', d been fed gruel from a giant spoon .
neg alexandre dumas meets hong kong action with newcomer justin chambers reprising the oft - played character of dashing swordsman d ', artagnon in director peter hyam ', s adventure " the musketeer . " for some reason that i may figure out later  i don ', t know why the time  money and effort were put into the making of " the musketeer . " it may be that someone had the clever idea of combining the dumas characters and story with the current enamor with the action work of hong kong imports like this film ', s xin - xin xiong ( " once upon a time in china " ) and yuen woo - ping from " crouching tiger  hidden dragon . " the result is a mix of genres that don ', t mesh well . elements of the ritz brothers - style comedy ( for those few who remember that comedic troupe from the 1939 " the three musketeers " )  the man with no name from " a fistful of dollars " ( d ', artagnan demands that the bad guys apologize to his horse in a direct ref to the clint eastwood spaghetti western ) and hong kong action choreography are all utilized in the original script by gene quintano . the result is an action flick that bears little resemblance to its source material while it makes contemporary that material in an effort to grab the " matrix " crowd . alexandre dumas may well be rolling in his grave if he knows what was done to his classic oeuvre and characters . the real problem with the " the musketeer " lies in the casting of the two lead  romantically intertwined characters  d ', artagnan and francesca ( mena suvari ) . chambers has the boyishly handsome good looks for the character  a la chris o ', donnell  but lacks any onscreen charisma . suvari has the doe - eyed  pretty looks as the chambermaid who has the ear of the queen  but she  too  does not have the chemistry to command the screen . if " the musketeer " makes them any money  they should invest in acting lessons . stronger performers may have helped to raise the bar on this one . the supporting cast is  on the surface  impressive . catherine denueve plays the queen of france and lends her character an air of royalty  dignity and humor  especially when she plays off of d ', artagnan ', s mentor  planchet ( jean - pierre castaldi  who reminds of andre the giant in " the princess bride ) . stephen rea looks good in the part of the conniving usurper cardinal richelieu  but is given very little to help flesh out his character . tim roth is the kind of bad guy you love to hate as the cardinal ', s chief henchman  febre . he is so bad he makes simon legree look like a boy scout . the rest of the players  particularly the three musketeers aramis ( nick moran  " lock  stock and two smoking barrels " )  porthos ( steve spiers ) and athos ( jan gregor kremp )  are background fodder whose role is to come to d ', artagnan ', s aid when needed . peter hyam ', s does double duty as director and cinematography and may be too stretched to do both well . a stronger hand at the helm could have helped the mediocre performances of the leads and better utilized his veteran thesps . photography is straightforward action fare that goes through all the appropriate action flick motions - d ', artagnan takes on a tavern full of thugs and bests them single - handed ; he fights a gang of febre ', s henchmen aboard a speeding coach to protect the queen ( with the obligatory branches hanging over the road ) ; he goes one on one with his lifelong enemy  febre  who murdered d ', artagnan ', s folks years before . it is all routine stuff . the renowned wire work developed by the hong kong action masters is used to artificial effect as the players leap  defying gravity  up walls and from horse to horse . it works in a sci - fi film like " the matrix " or in a classical fantasy like " crouching tiger  hidden dragon " but just calls attention to itself in " the musketeer . " at one point i could swear i saw the stunt wire being used . it did not make me a believer and i am very disappointed . with a run time of 106 minutes it should have been more like 80 and i give it a d .
neg i think maybe it ', s time for the batman series to be put to rest . not only has the first two films ', unsettling insight into what it would really take for someone to make himself into a " superhero " been abandoned  but this one throws any lingering realism out the window and goes for all - out camp with few traces of the self - mocking restraint of the relatively light - hearted third installment . let me give you an example : in the first scene of the movie  batman ( george clooney ) and robin ( chris o ', donnell ) are summoned to a museum that has been literally turned to ice by mr . freeze ( arnold schwarzenegger ) in an attempt to steal a diamond . mr . freeze ', s thugs are armed with none other than hockey sticks  but this is no problem for our heroes : automatic skates shoot out of their shoes  at which point robin manages to get hold of a hockey stick  grabs the diamond  and stick - handles it through the museum . i might have expected this from an airplane - style farce  but i don ', t think that ', s what this movie is supposed to be . after all  the previous three batman movies were actually fairly realistic by the standards of the superhero / action genre and kept the corny death - defying stunts to a minimum  while playing the obligatory cheesiness with at least some amount of irony . not any more ; the list goes on and on in this one . robin holds onto the outside of a flying rocket ship 30  000 feet high in the atmosphere  climbing in the door to save batman . mr . freeze and poison ivy ( uma thurman ) leap from a skyscraper and survive by landing in a small pond . a world dominating mad scientist lives in a fortress that seems to have been stolen from the old he - man cartoons . my very favorite example is the scene in which batgirl ( alicia silverstone ) gets in a race with motorcycle thugs  during which they come up with the clever notion of dousing the road with gasoline and setting it on fire to distract her . not bad  but wouldn ', t the police ( or maybe batman ? ) notice if the road was on fire ? i knew gotham city was this crazy anarchic place  but . . . . it also seems that the creators of the batman movies are obeying some unwritten rule that there have to be more main characters and plot lines in each successive installment . as if three protagonists and two villains weren ', t enough  batman and robin further weighs itself down with an underdeveloped side story of the failing health of bruce wayne ', s butler alfred ( michael gough )  which might have seemed poignant if it wasn ', t surrounded by so much silliness  as well as several scenes with elle macpherson as bruce ', s girlfriend which serve no purpose other than to remind us that she is in the movie . all this might be semi - excusable if the story were interesting and entertaining  but it isn ', t . in fact  it ', s kind of boring . mr . freeze and poison ivy pale in comparison as villains to past baddies such as jack nicholson ', s joker and danny devito ', s penguin . their evil plot is as predictable ( schwarzenegger actually pronounces the words  " today gotham city  tomorrow the world ! " ) as it is lame - brained ( didn ', t it ever occur to poison ivy that freezing the entire world would kill her precious plants too ? ) . and robin ', s constant challenging of batman mostly just makes him look bull - headed and stupid and makes us wonder why batman ever would have taken him on as a partner in the first place . strip away the stars  the fancy set design  and the status as a " batman movie  " and all you have here is another barely passable summer action flick .
neg in my opinion  a movie reviewer ', s most important task is to offer an explanation for his opinion . but with soul survivors  i ', m so full of critical rage that this review is liable to turn into a venomous  uncontrollable rant  obligations damned . however  protocol forces me to do otherwise . soul survivors tells the story of four college - bound friends : cassandra ( melissa sagemiller ) is sweet and innocent . party girl annabel ( eliza dushku of bring it on ) is dating world - weary harvard student matt ( wes bentley ) . matt still has feelings for cassie  who is now dating sean ( casey affleck ) . driving back from a creepy  gothic party  the quartet gets into a horrific car crash . sean dies  leaving cassie crestfallen and guilty  made worse because sean saw matt kiss cassie just minutes after sean revealed his love for her . as cassie mopes through her classes  she sees the ghost of sean all over the place  urging her to follow him . along with being plagued by other ghastly visions  cassie is also followed by thugs from that strange party . annabel and matt try calming her down  but no one shares cass ', s visions . she has to figure out this purgatory all by herself . rarely have i seen a director so thoroughly mishandle material . in his directorial debut  steve carpenter does nothing to provoke the audience into feeling any emotion . when the movie ', s camerawork isn ', t pedestrian  it ', s clich ? d . carpenter ', s need for close - ups  his camera following sagemiller from behind  drain the movie of any anticipation . we already know what to look for  so why should we be surprised ? and the sense of scary atmosphere  which was recently done so well in the others  is nowhere to be found here . carpenter ', s script relies on random twists and turns with a minimum of logic and loads of laziness . this is a movie where the ending features one character providing an explanation about the plot to another character  which is one of the lamest screenwriting devices around . the second lamest device  of course  is the  " oh  it was all a dream " resolution . and guess what ? this movie has both ! not that the main body of the film  which has sagemiller constantly running in fear or having a nervous breakdown  is anything worthwhile . since there ', s no captivating dialogue  no character chemistry exists anywhere . that ', s a huge problem  since the four main characters are supposed to be couples . carpenter can ', t even get the smutty scenes right  which are becoming more prevalent in pg - 13 movies like bring it on and get over it . [ the film was recently re - cut from an r rating to get more kids in the seats . - ed . ] when sagemiller and dushku dance together at a club  he rarely shows them in a full shot and he never keeps the camera on them for longer than a second before relating to some michael bay - style quick cuts . and when sagemiller and dushku take a shower together after getting covered in paint  they ', re fully clothed . regardless  any sexiness in that scene is undercut by its stupidity . why wouldn ', t they wash the clothes in the sink or in the washing machine ? why would they shower in their clothes ? what if they weren ', t covered in latex paint ? the cast  which will see better material in the future  would be wise to leave this one off their resumes . i felt sorry for affleck  who i ', ve liked in other movies  and bentley  who was great in american beauty . dushku  who possesses an alluring femme fetale quality  has got to stop taking roles belonging to rose mcgowan . as for sagemiller ( star of the aforementioned get over it )  i want to see her in a movie where she plays a person  and not an object for gawking . and i ', m not even getting into luke wilson ', s role as a priest . at least he ', s friends with wes anderson . bottom line : soul survivors is so awful i feel compelled to knock on doors and warn people about it .
neg reading the cast and director for the new mobster comedy  " analyze this  " i asked myself  " how could this miss ? " robert de niro ( " taxi driver  " " raging bull " )  billy crystal ( " city slickers " )  lisa kudrow ( " the opposite of sex " )  and director harold ramis ( " national lampoon ', s vacation " ) . these are usually reliable filmmakers ( well  okay  crystal has been in a sizable slump lately )  and tellingly  the first half - hour of " analyze this " was very funny . unfortunately  as the running time ticked away  i began to think that the first thirty minutes had  unbeknownst to me  been rewound and were being replayed another two - and - a - half times . the film has obtained a clever premise  but does not have any idea what to do with it as it progressively becomes more and more repetitive until i finally stopped enjoying or caring about what was happening on the screen . middle - aged psychoanalyst ben sobel ', s ( billy crystal ) life is finally going very well . although he has never gotten along with his own uncaring parents  especially his father  who is also a psychiatrist  ben has an easy - going teenage son ( kyle sabihy ) and is about to travel down to miami to get married to his tv news reporter girlfriend  laura ( lisa kudrow ) . in little but a flash  however  ben suddenly sees his plans ruined when he accidentally hits the car of the mob and subsequently gets paid a visit from famed mafia guy paul vitti ( robert de niro )  who desperately wants counseling  even though he himself won ', t even admit to having anxiety attacks . ben tries to help paul  mostly so he will get him off his back  but the plot gets more complicated when paul follows ben to his wedding  which ends with a man dropping eight stories to his death . it seems to ben that no matter what he does  paul vitti will not go away  and the more they become involved  the more ben ', s potentially happy life gets into danger . " analyze this " has a few laughs sprinkled throughout ( mostly in the first half )  but i always had the nagging thought that what director ramis and writers peter tolan  ramis  and kenneth lonergan had done was thought of one joke ( robert de niro lightly spoofing his serious past mafia roles  while terrorizing and becoming buddies with comic billy crystal ) and then tiresomely recycled it for the duration of the 106 - minute running time . admittedly  de niro is very funny here ( and i can ', t remember the last time you could use that adjective to describe him )  and crystal is in top - form  but the whole movie is weighed down directly on their shoulders with nothing else to support them  including a substantial plotline . since " analyze this " bills not one  not two  but three writers  you ', d think that they would have been able to work together to fix the noticably large flaws  but they must have all been on auto - pilot . one of the most disappointing and wasted opportunities in the film is the way the movie deals with the supporting characters  all of which have next to nothing to do and aren ', t even given multi - dimensional characters to attempt to develop . coming off of her oscar - caliber work in two of last year ', s best films  " clockwatchers " and " the opposite of sex  " lisa kudrow ', s throwaway " girlfriend " role is an incredible step down . sure  kudrow ', s fellow " friend " jennifer aniston did the same thing two weeks ago in " office space  " but at least we got to spend a little time with aniston . kudrow  meanwhile  mostly just stands around  no doubt wondering why she agreed to appear in this film in the first place . chazz palminteri  as rival gangster primo  fares even worse  in a role that plays more like an afterthought than an actual character . finally  molly shannon ( rising film star and cast member on " saturday night live " ) has a rousingly hilarious one - scene cameo right at the beginning as one of crystal ', s patients and then completely disappears . too bad  considering that the supporting actors surely have proven that they have the abilities to support de niro and crystal . once " analyze this " approached its second wedding scene leaving kudrow ', s laura standing alone at the altar once again  i had become thoroughly annoyed by where the story had gone  and had mostly lost respect for the character we were supposed to sympathize with the most  ben . afterwards  the climactic scene with ben posing as a fellow mob boss in place of the depressed paul  became a real laugh - free dead - zone  losing its last remaining comic punches . " analyze this " proves that talent can certainly help any film out  but when the written material isn ', t up to their level  what we are virtually left with is a vacuum of thin air .
neg as we see the terrible events that unfold before our eyes in the middle east at the moment  hollywood doesn ', t loose the oppertunity to get involved  by telling stories and expressing opinions . this film centers on a relationship forged throughout the adult lifetimes of two marine colonels  hays hodges ( tommy lee jones ) and terry childers ( samuel l . jackson ) . they fought side by side in vietnam  where childers saved hodges ', life by shooting an unarmed pow . that ', s against the rules of war but understandable  in this story anyway  under the specific circumstances . certainly hodges is not complaining . years pass . hodges  whose wounds make him unfit for action  gets a law degree and becomes a marine lawyer . childers  is now a respected and much - decorated hero that has served his country with his life and sould . because of his excellent record  childers is sent to yemen to rescue the american ambassador ( ben kingsley )  cowering in the embassy under assault from violent demonstrators and snipers blasting from rooftops . childers does what he has to do : evacuate the family and protect the men under his command . after three marines die and the colonel thinks he sees ground fire  he orders his troops to shoot into the firing crowd . more than 80 yemeni men  women  and children are mowed down . childers is immediately accused of ordering his men to fire on a crowd and murder of unarmed civilians . he persuades his old friend hodges to represent him in the courtroom drama that occupies the second half of the film . did childers violate authorized u . s . military rules of engagement ? or are there simply no rules in war ? the answers to these stereotypical questions are obvious  but the inconsistent plot immediately raises all sorts of other questions . the murder of 83 " innocent civilians " has to result into something greater than a simple trial in the u . s . where is the accusations from the arab leaders ? where is the u . n . ? the film ends without even telling the most interesting story : what happens on the international arena ? this film ( in a way akin to films such as " a few good men " ) has already been accused of breaking the rules of morality and ethics and even of racism . these accusations are pretty heavy  but also unfair . what director william friedklin truly broke was the rules of decent filmmaking . one of the earliest apparent problems with ', rules of engagement ', is its lack of credibility . the entire operation in yemen may remind us about what happens in the middle east right now  but is overdone  contrived and unrealistic - as if a chain of events had to happen in a particular manner in order for the plot to proceed . a lot of it is so cheesy that no one could possibly accept it as reality . that is precisely why it ', s not offensive . it is completely unobjective . many stories are started and never finished . many questions are asked  but never answered . a lot of parallels are referring to nothing . it seems that neither the director  producers or the screenwriter can make up their minds about the contents of their film . is it about arab mentality ? america ', s foreign policies ? america ', s role in the world ? corruption in the higher circles ? it goes on and on . it consists of countless stories  but not a definable plot . it tries to be everything for everyone and ends up being nothing for no one . i think that it is ironic  because director william friedkin ', s probably most acclaimed film was " the exorcist " which had a silly story  but became a rather effective film . in this case you have a strong story with many possibilities and the result is a silly film . though several scenes bare the mark of professionalism ( such as the impressive battle scenes )  his latest film does simply not engage . i believe that friedklin is a director that is absolutely depended on great scripts and talented producers in order to succeed . it ', s obvious that he has neither and the result is therefore a catastrophe . the characters feel designed  unreal  merely shadows  with no life outside the conflict . even the actors can not save this film from going under . though both jackson and jones act admirably  with performances that are as good as you get with a script like this  it is not something that these great actors can boast of . they have roles that they could play blindfolded with their hand on the back . jackson is gray and jones uninteresting . the rest of the cast  including ben kingsly  blair underwood and guy pearce are simply waiting for their paychecks . the time has come for the verdict . on the charges of complete lack of objectivity  i find this film guilty . on the charges of breaking the rules of reasonable filmmaking  i find it guilty . but on the charges of racism i find this film not guilty  because of it ', s inconclusive and often silly plot that lacks objectivity everywhere  not only when concerning the arab population . i must admit that the film is dangerously near the line of being racially offensive and i do think that screenwriter stephen gaghan went a bit too far  portraying the yemeni people almost as stereotypical hollywood bad - guys . this is very sad  since in a time like this it is crucial to not lose objectivity and proclaim the truth . however  it is absolutely necessary to remember that the muslim terrorists are responsible for most of the terrorist activity in and outside the united states . and that it ', s not a coincidence that u . s . residents in the middle east  including yemen are on constant maximum alert .
neg from dusk till dawn ( director / editor : robert rodriguez ; screenwriters : quentin tarantino / robert kurtzman ( story ) ; cinematographer : guillermo navarro ; cast : quentin tarantino ( richie gecko )  george clooney ( seth gecko )  juliette lewis ( kate fuller )  harvey keitel ( jacob fuller )  ernest liu ( scott fuller )  salma hayek ( santanico pandemonium )  tom savini ( sex machine )  fred williamson ( frost )  cheech marin ( border guard / chet pussy / carlos )  michael parks ( texas ranger )  brenda hillhouse ( hostage gloria ) ; runtime : 108 ; dimension films ; 1996 ) reviewed by dennis schwartz it ', s a love it or hate it film . i simply hated it . on its menu for fun  is a violent feast served up as charm and done in a tongue - and - cheek manner . it ', s a serial killer / horror film farce of nonstop over - the - top action and sleaze  involving decapitations  vampires  biker fights  extended gun play  and an array of gore that has to be seen to be believed . a film that regales in its vulgarity and campiness for blood - and - gore  as it goes out of its way to gloss over the clich ? s of the conventional b - films . it ', s geared only for the cult film crowd  and will make its mark there one way or the other . the plot involves two psychopath brothers  the older professional bank robber and killer seth gecko ( clooney ) and the perverted psychopath killer  richie ( tarantino )  who kills for pleasure and is also a rapist . they escape jail and go on a killing spree in wichita and then flee to a liquor store in a small texas border town . they have just robbed a bank and killed a number of cops  they have also taken a middle - aged bank teller as a hostage . in the liquor store they kill a texas ranger and the store clerk  and burn down the store . stopping off in a flop - house motel  richie rapes and slaughters the hostage . these scenes are all done with an eye for comedy and parody  if that ', s possible . on the tv news  it says they have killed 16 so far and most are texas rangers . the brothers plan to get to mexico and meet carlos ( cheech )  who will give them a place of sanctuary for thirty percent of their illegal take . with road blocks and car searches at the border  the brothers commandeer a motor home of a vacationing family who stopped at their motel so that the father could sleep in a real bed . there is the father  jacob fuller ( keitel )  who just resigned as a minister because he lost faith ever since his wife died in a car accident ; his sexy 20 - year - old  innocent daughter  kate ( lewis ) ; and  her shy brother scott ( liu ) . it ', s not explained how he happens to be chinese . the story really becomes bizarre when they get across the border and get ready to meet carlos in a bar / whorehouse for truckers and bikers called the titty twister . the place is open from dawn to dusk  thus the film ', s title . here ', s where rodriguez has a chance to throw convention out the window and have some absurd fun  as the place turns out to be a vampire hangout . it sells sex to its patrons  and has exotic stripper santanico pandemonium ( hayek ) do her alluring strip before turning into a vampire . the brothers and their hostages have to fight their way out of the place  as the vampires keep coming and the killings become the film ', s staple . this supposedly clever script did nothing but turn me off  though there were a few funny moments in a film that was dripping with special effects and spent most of its script in finding novel ways to showcase its killings . i ', ll take a pass on this one  it ', s just not my style of a film . the characters were as empty as the story  and the film was an easy one to forget .
neg plot : a little boy born in east germany ( named hansel ) loves the american music . one day  he gets the opportunity to meet and marry an american g . i .  but first  he must get a sex change ( enter hedwig ) . once married  the two move to the states  but quickly thereafter  get a divorce . at that point  hedwig starts writing music and meets another confused boy  who soon turns into a star . that boy also turns his back on hedwig  and it isn ', t long before hedwig puts together his / her own band and tours the states via seafood restaurants . this is the story of his / her life  told via flashbacks and musical numbers . critique : an artsy - fartsy musical with great songs and a superb performance by john cameron mitchell  doesn ', t really come together as a whole  with over - the - top symbolism  incoherence and too much pretension to retain my interest all the whole way through . in fact  this isn ', t so much of a realistic  articulate  behind - the - scenes look at the rise of a rock ', n roll star  as it is an ambiguous  overly poetic and incomprehensible struggle of a man  his sexuality and his identity as a whole person on this planet . i guess that i was expecting the former going in . the film is somewhat interesting to a point  but i was personally never able to involve myself too much  as the basic symbolic and incongruent nature of the film left me feeling cold and distant . but it is definitely tuned to a certain type of audience . chances are that if you are a fan of the wall  the rocky horror picture show or even priscilla  queen of the desert  the elements tangled in this movie will likely strike your fancy ( some of the characters in this film even ask the audience to sing along at some point  and provide the lyrics of their song  on - screen ) . well  i personally don ', t care for those films  and didn ', t really get into the whole " show " atmosphere of this movie either . i guess i might ', ve looked at it all too literally  but like i said earlier  i just didn ', t care enough about the characters to delve into the " so the butterfly represents his freedom ? " side of things . all i know is that the film left me with many questions unanswered and didn ', t make me feel any more fulfilled . what was hedwig ', s relationship with that other member of his band ( with the beard ) ? what happened with hedwig and tommy gnosis at the end of the movie ? ( was that an actual sequence or a fantasy ? ) what ever happened to the lawsuit ? and more . . . all of which were part of the film and interested me somewhat . if the only idea behind the film was for the main character to uncover his / her sexuality  then that ', s one thing  but as many of the relationships and situations presented themselves in this movie  i wanted some resolution to those pieces as well . i didn ', t get it . the film ', s humor also didn ', t tickle my funny bone either . then again  i ', ve seen many a film in these art - house theatres in which patrons are rolling down the aisles with laughter  while all i see is a tiny bit of whimsy on the screen . some of these films are also better enjoyed with the added " atmosphere " of a plant called marijuana  and i can certainly see how this movie ingrains within itself some nifty visual elements  in order to jazz up that experience . but being sober as i was and expecting a coherent  funny  musical with a transsexual twist  i didn ', t leave the theater very satisfied . i came out having watched an existential story of a confused man caught up in a musical lifestyle  wrapped in metaphors  dramatics and more questions than answers . i will  on the other hand  definitely hand some props out to the lead in this film  john cameron mitchell  who is also the man who wrote  directed and created the play on which this movie is based  and the tunes  which will likely be enjoyed by anyone who digs the sex pistols  david bowie and the whole 70s glam - rock scene . note : btw  it seems as though pretty much every single " mainstream " critic in the united states loved this movie from top to bottom ( and thought that it was really funny to boot ! )  so you might want to take that into consideration yourself . but having said that  the main reason that i started this dinky website in the first place was because films like this would sometimes be uniformly applauded by the " official " critics  while i  a regular " joblo " in the audience  just wouldn ', t get what all the fuss was about . this movie is a perfect example of why i continue to write movie reviews . where ', s joblo coming from ? moulin rouge ( 8 / 10 ) - grease ( 8 / 10 ) - everyone says i love you ( 5 / 10 ) - the opposite of sex ( 8 / 10 ) - dancer in the dark ( 5 / 10 ) - o brother  where art thou ( 7 / 10 ) - love ', s labour ', s lost ( 8 / 10 )
neg 8mm is not going to enlighten your day . it ', s a dark  grimy and disturbing portrait of underworld snuff films and filled with excessive violence . not only do you need the stomach to make it through this bloated mess  you ', ll require a lot of patience as well . nicolas cage seems to be doing quite a bit of overacting as of late . he wore a bizarre get - up and did a lot of yelling in the terminally awful snake eyes  and here he attempts a performance that can relate to someone completely losing their grip on reality . cage plays private investigator tom welles  praised for his secrecy and reliability . at home  welles is a family man  with a wife ( catherine keener ) and a small daughter to take care of . his new assignment is a bizarre one : the wife of a formally deceased millionaire has hired him to solve a mystery regarding a film found in her husband ', s safe . the film appears to be some kind of cheap pornography involving a teenage girl and a masked man  until the girl is brutally murdered . or so it seems . welles  of course  begins to burrow deeper and deeper to uncover the truth . and the more he becomes involved in this disturbing case  the more he gets in over his head . he hires an adult book store clerk named max california ( joaquin phoenix ) to be his guide through the ugly underworld of pornography . max knows what welles is getting himself into  and explains  ` you dance with the devil  the devil don ', t change . the devil changes you . ', these turn out to be very wise words . 8mm has a premise that begs for a better execution . the set - up is slick and well played  as cage uncovers the identity of the girl and travels to hollywood to locate her . this is where everything goes awry . although director joel schumacher succeeds in frightening us with his grotesque portrait of the ` real world ',  he forgot to inject any interest or excitement to the formula . everything about the movie becomes dull and lifeless  repelling the viewer like the effect of bug spray to insects . although it had enormous potential  the third act of 8mm is a total bust  leaving intrigued audiences in a baffling state of extreme disappointment as the proceedings spiral out of control . cage is the film ', s sole flame of energy . his performance is actually believable  but soon the director ', s demands start to weigh heavily on his shoulder and he begins stumbling along in desperation . still  you ', ve got to give him credit for holding this project together as long as he did  for that is no easy feat when you consider the problems at hand . welles ', trail soon leads him to a bizarre filmmaker ( played convincingly by peter stormare ) who is notorious for the hardest - hitting snuff films in the industry . this is where cage goes over the edge into a serial killer - like phase  in which he must take revenge on all those who murdered the innocent girl in the film . he tracks down the masked man responsible for the killing ( chris bauer )  and they have a bloody brawl in the local cemetery  a fight sequence that would look more at home in a schwarzenegger movie . written by andrew kevin walker  8mm dissipates into a poor man ', s seven  with all the violence but little of the effectiveness that made the latter such a chilling masterpiece . furthermore  what has become of joel schumacher ? the director has recently experienced a major drought  slumming in the depths of dismal flop after flop ( batman and robin  anyone ? ) . this putrid thriller is certainly not going to revive his career  so perhaps schumacher should start exploring his lighter side .
neg synopsis : original " jurassic park " survivor alan grant ( neill ) is tricked by paul and amanda kirby ( macy and leoni ) into leading an expedition to an island overrun by dinosaur  to rescue their stranded son . grant ', s team is picked off one by one as they encounter dinosaurs both new and familiar  and grant grows to realise that some breeds are more intelligent than he previously thought . review : there is one reason why " jurassic park iii " is better than its immediate predecessor  " the lost world : jurassic park " . the latter wasted 129 minutes of my life ; the former  only 94 . the first " park " was a marvellous film  full of awe - inspiring sights  interesting characters  and genuine thrills . its two successors have been pale imitations  amounting to hundred - million - dollar b - grade horror movies . at least this third entry realises it ; whereas " the lost world " tried to justify its existence with a ludicrous and overextended plot  " jurassic park iii " simply sticks its characters on an island with a bunch of dinosaurs and lets the mayhem begin . there is a desperate sense of deja vu presiding over this movie ; the computer - animated dinos are no longer novel or exciting  and even the first - time presence of aerial lizards scarcely improves the situation . remember that wondrous first trolley ride through the park in the original movie ? nothing in this rehash even comes close . add in execrable dialogue from screenwriters buchman  payne and taylor  and phoned - in performances by the normally capable macy and leoni  and it is difficult to recommend the film to anyone but dino enthusiasts . at least neill makes some effort to retain the dignity of his character  and there is much less gore than in " the lost world "  making this installment more suitable for children .
neg the characters in jonathan lynn ', s " the whole nine yards  " yet another in an endless recent string of mob comedies ( 1999 ', s " analyze this " and " mickey blue eyes  " 2000 ', s " gun shy " )  are rarely ever written as real people  but merely as one - dimensional caricatures . when an added layer to one of their personalities is revealed  it is not to service the character development  or to naturally offer up instinctive characterizations  but to accommodate the convoluted plot . in a lightweight comedy  you might say  it is not required to have perfectly realized figures  just as long as they get the job done . unfortunately  for a comedy to work  it has to at least succeed at being funny  and if there was a laugh - o - meter available  i ', d guess that it briefly ascended around 2 . 5 % of the time for me . suffice to say  the comedy in " the whole nine yards " works about as well as the broken - down lawnmower in my backyard  and when a giggle surprisingly arises every twenty to thirty minutes  it is by sheer luck . nicholas " oz " oseransky ( matthew perry ) is an amateur dentist living in the quiet suburbs of quebec . trapped in a hateful marriage with the conniving sophie ( rosanna arquette  delightfully hamming it up with a clearly artificial french - canadian accent )  one day oz sees that someone is moving into the house next - door . walking over to greet him  he is horrified to discover it is jimmy " the tulip " tudeski ( bruce willis )  a former contract killer for the mafia who has just been released from prison . once getting to know him and becoming his friend  oz is more comfortable with his identity  but for sophie  it means a possible hitman to do away with oz . in her scheme  sophie sends oz to chicago to cash in by informing his old mob boss ( kevin pollak ) about jimmy ', s whereabouts  but in the process  he falls in love with jimmy ', s wife  cynthia ( natasha henstridge )  who is being held hostage . upon return to quebec  and with one contrivance after the next  oz ', s dental assistant  jill ( amanda peet )  is overjoyed to discover that he lives beside " the tulip  " and forces him to set up a meeting  since jill ', s dream in life turns out being a contract killer herself . have you got all that ? because there is more . much  much more . and this is a movie that  without credits  is little over 90 minutes and feels only like an hour . " the whole nine yards " is an ultimately unsatisfying and empty - headed excursion into well - worn terrain already set by far superior pictures . how the cast  most of which are respectable actors  got caught up in such a cliched  deficient film remains a mystery  unless they thought it might aspire to match the congenial screwball zaniness of director lynn ', s 1985 comedy classic  " clue : the movie . " going into the theater  preliminary comparisons between the two movies were unavoidable  but by the twenty - minute mark  when i had chuckled once and laughed nary a single time  it was clear this production was in serious trouble . since the entire running time depends on the mechanisms of the plot  and the screenplay  inauspiciously written by mitchell kapner  collapses with every failing " comedy " bit  the film is an inevitable dead zone in the way of substance and  frequently  entertainment value . " the whole nine yards " is neither facetious nor  aside from the subplot about jill ', s shocking eagerness to become a professional hitwoman  inventive  and more often than not  just lies there  the film spinning drearily around and around in the projector  but never igniting any sort of spark . a few select actors do what they can with the material  while others make no impact at all . on the mediocre side are actually those playing the two central characters : matthew perry and bruce willis . perry  innocuously enjoyable on tv ', s " friends  " plays the same exact sitcom - style character in all of his movies ( from 1997 ', s " fools rush in " to 1999 ', s " three to tango " )  and it has become a crushing bore . meanwhile  willis makes next to no impression  and because of the limited guise of his jimmy " the tulip " tudeski  oftentimes disappears into the background . their three female counterparts fare noticeably better . best of all is natasha henstridge  far more radiant than in the exploitative " species " movies  who adds unanticipated depth and emotion to cynthia . henstridge has the talent  for sure  to break out of these countless throwaway roles  but first she must fire her agent . amanda peet has a lot of fun as the quirkily straightforward and giddy jill  and seems to know more about the art of comedic payoff than even perry who  thus far  has strived on a career based solely on comedy . it is too bad  then  that peet is unnecessarily asked to disrobe in a climactic scene  with the obvious sole purpose being to show off her breasts . finally  rosanna arquette is awful as sophie  but something tells me that was her purpose  and her clear overacting only aids in brightening up her limited screen time . also popping up is michael clarke duncan  fresh off an oscar nomination for his role in " the green mile  " as jimmy ', s largely built friend and fellow killer  frankie figs . when " the whole nine yards " eventually sputters to its underwhelming conclusion  one is left pondering how such a film ever got greenlit . a great deal of movies of this type have been made in the past  and this one is nothing but a duplication of better films  so what was the point ? without a passable screenplay or any notable technical accomplishments  " the whole nine yards " rests solely on the presumed charm of the cast  and half of the actors are not charming at all . now  what does that tell you ?
neg take two old and dying men  a lifetime of regrets  a house full of sins  a thoroughly despicable man  enough lies  insecurities and other character defects to keep a team of psychiatrists gainfully employed  then add a inexplicable meteorological and amphibian - based phenomenon and you will have summed up magnolia  the newest film from paul thomas anderson ( boogie nights ) . the movie tells multiple stories  weaving them together  or overlapping them during the course of its three hour running time . would that the stories were worth the telling . earl partridge ( jason robards  a thousand acres ) is dying of cancer . bedridden  in much pain  it is obvious that his time is growing short . his much younger wife played by julianne moore ( an ideal husband ) is surprised to find herself struggling with his impending death . having married for money  she discovers that she has actually fallen in love with the old guy and regrets having cheated and lied . earl regrets having cheated on his first wife and estranging himself from his only son ( tom cruise  eyes wide shut )  now a misogynist self - help guru who teaches men how to " seduce and destroy  " his sexual and vulgar perspective on male / female relationships is so over - the - top as to be utterly unbelievable . meanwhile  jimmy gator ( philip baker hall  the insider ) is also dying of cancer . not as physically incapacitated as earl  jimmy is still able to perform his duties as the lovable host of a long - running quiz show which pits adults against children . the current whiz - quiz - kid is stanley spector ( jeremy blackman in his film debut ) who is tired of the pressure of performing and is willing to call it quits . on the other hand  quiz kid donnie smith ( william macy  mystery men ) would like nothing more than to return to the spotlight when he was a " somebody . " his pathetic life is souring as he can no longer capitalize on his brief 15 minutes of fame which stanley is all too eager to relinquish . jimmy has his own family crisis as his drug - addict daughter ( melora walters  boogie nights ) refuses to have anything to do with him for reasons which are not disclosed to us until the end of the film . grabbing at one last attempt at happiness she reaches out to a softhearted cop ( john c . reilly  never been kissed ) even as she tries to push herself away from him because she deems herself not worthy of his affection . this dysfunctional group carries on for what seems to be an interminable two - thirds of the movie . and then it gets worse  literally raining frogs . yes  frogs . assuming it to be an intended deus - ex - machina device  it is an ineffective one because it doesn ', t seem to faze the characters much . oh  they may step gingerly around the splattered frog corpses littering the streets  but otherwise  the frog shower didn ', t seem to change their behavior or pattern of living ( or dying ) . there is simply too much going on in this movie and most of it is distasteful to watch . mr . anderson further obscures the film by incorporating a loud and intrusive sound track that often drowned out the dialogue  a character who apparently rapped a significant clue to a plot development which was completely unintelligble  and a heavy handed segment of " historical " occurances containing ironic twists which set up absolutely nothing . one of the recurring themes is found in a line donnie quotes : " we may be done with the past  but the past is not done with us . " this is an absolute lie . god is in the forgiveness business . in fact  as we humbly ask for forgiveness and repent or change our offending mindset  god ', s word says that he not only forgives  he also forgets . " i  even i  am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake  and will not remember thy sins . " isaiah 43 : 25 [ kjv ] the spiritual one who keeps bringing up our unrighteous past is the same one who wants to keep us in a state of condemnation . don ', t let him . next time your spiritual adversary reminds you of your past  take great pleasure in reminding him of his future . he hates that .
neg so much for sweet returns . after smart horror films were starting to be made again after the exploitative 80 ', s slasher movies  starting with 1996 ', s " scream  " and followed by " scream 2  " " urban legend  " and the original  " i know what you did last summer  " a film like  " i still know what you did last summer  " was bound to be made sooner or late . it is a perfect example of the exact reason why horror films temporarily burned out  and that is because they reached for the lowest - common - denominator in filmmaking  favoring non - stop deaths and gore for suspense  and trading in fleshed out  likable characters for one - dimensional nitwits . it has been exactly one year since julie james ( jennifer love hewitt ) suffered through the ordeal of being terrorized by ben willis  a psychopathic fisherman whom her friends and she accidentally hit in the middle of the road  and then  thinking he was dead  dumped him into the ocean . since then  julie has relocated to boston university  and although often paranoid and haunted by bad dreams  she has been able to put her life back together . when julie ', s friend  karla ( brandy )  is called up by a radio station and answers correctly what the capital of brazil is  she wins a vacation to the bahamas for four people  which also includes karla ', s horny boyfriend  tyrell ( mekhi phifer )  and will ( matthew settle )  who karla sets julie up with after her own boyfriend  ray ( freddie prinze jr .  also returning from the original )  doesn ', t show up . when they reach the secluded island  they discover it is the last day of the open season  and will be stranded there for the 4th of july weekend with a few employees to fend off a violent storm headed for them . of course  julie  her friends  and the workers aren ', t the only ones there  as the murderous ben willis  dressed in fisherman garb  returns to seek revenge on julie once and for all . it is a sad state of affairs when a movie like  " i still know what you did last summer  " is made . i am a very big fan of horror movies  and so it is especially disheartening to find out that this sequel to " ikwydls  " which i am a fan of  is almost an exact replica of a " friday the 13th " movie . while the original focused more on the story and characters  as well as genuinely suspenseful moments  thanks to the screenplay by kevin williamson ( who didn ', t return to write the sequel  and it shows )  " i still know . . . " has no story to speak of  and is so vacuous of ideas  that the filmmakers  were forced to have a murder occur every five minutes just to keep the audience interested . also gone are any signs of character development  and since every single character died before i got to know them  all i was left with was to stare at the screen  indifferent to what was going on . while i cared about the fates of the characters in the original  it made no difference to me in this sequel who lived and died . they were all paper - thin and pointless  except to become victims to the lethal hook of the fisherman . another element that made the original so memorable were some superbly crafted set - pieces  like the store sequence with sarah michelle gellar  but there are none to speak of in this sequel ( although they do come close at one moment with brandy ) . since so many people were killed every couple minutes  the suspense and scares evaporated faster than salt in water . also of note is the mystery of the second killer  and accomplice to ben  but it is obvious from the first frame who it is  and so i couldn ', t even have fun at that  like i did in the " scream " movies and  " urban legend . " it figures that just as slasher films were starting to get some recognition again  a film would come along and ruin it for everyone else . maybe the people who made  " i still know what you did last summer  " should have realized that in order to make a good movie  you must have a screenplay --- or at least one that isn ', t such a black hole for thoughts and ideas . the ending of the film inevitably leaves the door wide open for a third part  but judging from this amazingly lackluster first sequel  everyone involved should have quit while they were still ahead .
neg around the end of 1998  a japanese cartoon came to the usa television  and really wasn ', t that big . in fact not many people even knew what pokemon was  but in 1999 it hit big with kids and adults alike  and became one of the biggest franchises and merchandise seller of all time . in fact it even spawned a big screen adventure pokemon : the first movie which for what it was  wasn ', t all that bad . it grossed $ 31 million in its opening weekend  and went on to make almost $ 90 million . fans thought it was great and now is a second movie in the pokemon craze  " pokemon : the movie 2000 " which is far inferior to the original animated movie . first up is the plot  which there really isn ', t much of  in fact the plot what there is : a bad guy trying to destroy the ancient never before seen pokemon  lugia  is about it  except the fact that ash kethcum the worlds best pokemon trainer must try and stop him before he destroys this one pokemon forever . well there you go  of course ash is followed by his friends misty  brock  gary and his pokemon friends  pikachu  squirtle  charizard  the usual . even though the first movie wasn ', t a great film  it was definately an enjoyable well - made movie with an actual thin storyline . this new movie however is nothing but garbage  there is nothing good to it storywise  and its only good thing comes from some plush animation and colors . compared to the first film  this movie is awfully bland  from its opening titles  to the end titles it tries its best to work  but fails miserably at every corner . the characters are 1 - dimensional  the story thin as chicken broth  and the writing very lame . even the so called action scenes are extremely lame  and falls before it even gets a chance to go . the voices even aren ', t that good and almost feels like the stars don ', t want to be there  like they can tell that this is an extremel bad movie . which it certainly is . the film has one thing going for it and that is the animation  although not up to disney standards  it is still very good with some interesting cgi ', s and very colorful animation  the colors jump out at you very fast  and seem very nicely put on film . why a film this bad got such a good treatment with its animation is still a question to be answered  hopefully pokemon 3 next year will be much better than this trash . for now watch the first one . its much much better .
neg its a stupid little movie that trys to be clever and sophisticated  yet trys a bit too hard . with the voices of woody allen  gene hackman  jennifer lopez  sylvester stallone  and sharon stone  this computer - animated yak - fest ( think toy story [ 1996 ] filled with used merchandising ) is one for the ant - eaters . the main story is the independence of a worker named z ( allen ) . he wants more to life than just digging away underground for the colony . when he finds out about `` insectopia  " a mythical place where all insects can run free  z  along with his colony ', s princess ( stone )  journey out into the world to find a meaning for life . about 15 minutes into the picture  i began to wonder what the point of the film was . halfway through  i still didn ', t have an answer . by the end credits  i just gave up and ran out . antz is a mindless mess of poor writing and even poorer voice - overs . allen is nonchalant  while i would have guessed  if i hadn ', t seen her in the mighty and basic instinct  stone can ', t act  even in a cartoon . this film is one for the bugs : unfunny and extremely dull . hey  a bug ', s life may have a good time doing antz in .
neg godzilla is a nuclear freak . he is a lizard that has been mutated over the years and has become a new species  one that has a foot as long as this bus  and a claw as long as this sign . this aquatic creature made its first attack in the pacific islands . he tore up a ship that carried dozens of japanese men . one survived . only he was left to recount the terror that he had seen . he was merely able to repeat the words " godzilla . . . godzilla . . . godzilla " . the film then introduces us to matthew broderick  a biologist who has been studying the fascinating growth of chernobyl earthworms . " they ', re 17 % larger than they used to be ! " he proclaims . the u . s . military pulls him off this three year project and assigns him to figure out what godzilla is . and  boy  does he find out . and  boy  does godzilla suck . i hate to use such a word in a review  something that is supposed to inform my audience  but i really need to drive this one home and i refuse to use explitives . it is unbelieveable to me how the producers of this movie saw the final cut and said  " ok ! it ', s great ! let ', s show this puppy . " roland emmerich needs a good horse whipping . his latest piece of trash makes id4 look like a masterpiece of modern american cinema . and if steven spielberg had never made the jurassic park films  emmerich and his team of talent - challenged imbeciles would never have had a clue as to how the creature should look . let me give you a few examples of this terrible attempt at filmmaking . i plan on giving some things away here . belive me  godzilla holds no surprises for anyone with an iq higher than their shoe size  so . . . no worries . however  if you are looking for that " first time thrill " and you refuse to let me do you this favor  by all means  stop reading now . a . ) godzilla makes his first ever attack in the pacific islands . he next strikes in new york city . um . . . anyone have a map handy ? b . ) the mayor of new york city is a heavy set individual with parted gray hair and thick glasses . his name is mayor ebert . his assistant is named gene . gene gives ebert a thumbs down at the end of the film . i couldn ', t make this up if i tried  folks . c . ) stay with me on this one . . . ok . godzilla can out run torpedoes . hank azaria can out run godzilla babies . ( which look more like jurassic park raptors than the jurassic park raptors . ) d . ) the u . s . military  upon realization that godzilla has disappeared after running rampant through the city  decides that he " might be hiding in a building . " e . ) ( oh yeah  i can go all the way to e . ) godzilla strikes at manhattan . manhattan  an island approximately the size of san francisco holds three million people . they evactuate to new jersey in about one day . no problem . f . ) early on  they bait godzilla with fish . ( he likes fish  you know . ) the thing is on an island . the atlantic ocean is three steps east  but pile a whole bunch of grouper on fifth and 57th . . . oh he ', s gonna come running . g . ) you know what ? i ', ll stop with the list now . . . the alphabet isn ', t big enough anyway . the dialogue makes me wonder if producer dean devlin had his five year old do a re - write . " the kid is good ! " he must have said . maria pitillo is looking to become a name in hollywood by starring in this potential blockbuster . bad move  maria . acting doesn ', t get much worse than her turn as broderick ', s ex - flame . matthew broderick is a good actor  but you ', d never give him a chance if godzilla were the only film of his you ', d seen . jean reno needs to pick his american films a bit more carefully . at times  godzilla seems to be headed toward a zucker  abrahams  zucker film . ( airplane !  naked gun . ) the jokes are indeed that bad . but just when you think the filmmakers are having fun with you  they take themselves seriously . how dare they ! godzilla would have been better if it had only thrown in visual sight gags and fart jokes . at least then we would know we were supposed to laugh . each and every character in godzilla is beyond stupid and i was really pulling for the beast to kill more of them . emmerich did do one thing  though . ( and i ', ve no idea if it was intentional . ) he made me sympathize with godzilla . his attackers were so damn dumb that i felt sorry for him being pelted with bullets and missles . but what made me feel even sorrier for him was that his famous name will always be attatched to one of the worst films hollywood has ever produced .
neg after the recent animated debacles of  " a rugrats movie  " and " a bug ', s life  " i am seriously considering raising my highly negative rating on dreamworks ', other insect film from october  " antz . " i hated that movie  and yet  it is so much better than these latest two excursions . " a bug ', s life  " is the second animated insect film in the last two months  and i hoped for the best  considering it was done in the wonderful style of pixar ', s last film  1995 ', s " toy story  " but in no way does  " a bug ', s life  " even remotely match up to that . flik ( david foley )  an ant  who along with his many comrades  has the job every year of gathering up the seasonal harvest  only to have to give half of it away to the dominating grasshoppers  led by hopper ( kevin spacey ) . flik  however  feels all alone and unwanted in the world  especially after he accidentally loses all of their food  and the ants are threated by hopper to gather up a whole other season ', s load by the time the last summer leaf falls from the trees . banished from ant island  flik leaves the colony in search of some strong reinforcement to help out  but through a misunderstanding  returns with a handful of helpless circus bugs  including a walking stick ( david hyde pierce )  a dung beetle ( brad garrett )  a gypsy moth ( madeline kahn )  a male ladybug ( denis leary )  and a caterpillar ( joe ranft ) . " a bug ', s life  " has one thing going for it . only one thing . with its glorious  bright colors  the computer - generated animation is a spectacle to look at . the film itself  unfortunately  is a lifeless  unamusing contraption without any of the flair or excitement of  " toy story . " the characters in  " a bug ', s life  " are an assortment of either unlikable or dull insects without any charm or personality  other than to stand around and recite arbitrary and thoroughly unfunny one - liners . the thin story was also stretched out to a nearly unbearable 94 minutes  and it often felt as if they ran out of ideas throughout  and so they made up pointless scenes to pass as time - filler . after giving such scathing reviews to the animated films from this year  i was beginning to think that i had simply outgrown them  but then i realized this is just not so . i still adore almost all of the older disney films  and many of the newer ones  such as 1989 ', s  " the little mermaid  " 1991 ', s  " beauty and the beast  " 1993 ', s  " the nightmare before christmas  " and yes  1995 ', s  " toy story . " maybe this has just been a bad year for children ', s films  and hopefully  the upcoming  " the prince of egypt  " will not be a disappointment . as for  " a bug ', s life  " i did not enjoy anything about it . not the story  not the characters  and not even the voiceover work  which was far more lively in  " antz . " " a bug ', s life  " goes down as yet another failure for disney  and it is a sad state of affairs when their best film in the last two years has been the minor jonathan taylor thomas picture  " i ', ll be home for christmas . "
neg once upon a time jean - claude van damme was a decent action hero . the muscles from brussels bursted into the hollywood market with mindless adventure films  boasting his spectacular martial - arts ability . some of these excursions were fun . but now it seems like watching a van damme movie has become a painful chore  with no rewards but the virtually guaranteed helping of mind - numbing action . and when the action goes sour  what is there left to enjoy ? i ', ll explain . knock off is about a pair of counterfeit jeans salesmen working out of an office in hong kong . marcus ray ( van damme )  a babe - magnet and stylish dresser  heads up the company with an annoying weasel of a partner ( rob schneider ) . they become part of a plot involving microbombs implanted in counterfeit jeans  seemingly by a mole in the business . i ', m going to reveal about everything in the next paragraph  so if you want a review devoid of spoilers  skip onto the next one . i ', m not quite sure who gives a crap  but i ', ll issue a warning anyhow . tommy is really working with the cia . his boss ( a very hammy and flat paul sorvino ) is the mole  and he wants to cause carnage with these tiny but immensely powerful super weapons . he even stoops so low to put them into children ', s toys . if you thought this plot outline sounded intriguing  then you probably will enjoy knock off . if you think that this ridiculous set - up couldn ', t even fill five minutes of screen time without causing you to roll over laughing  this might not be your cup of tea . knock off sucks . it stoops to ridiculous levels that most individuals could only conjure up in horrific nightmares . it amazes me how far these producers will go to sell something  simply because van damme is the star . the plot is pathetic garbage strung together by inane action sequences that will baffle your mind  the performances are so wooden you could use them to row a canoe  and the action itself is an absolute catastrophe . director tsui hark ( who teamed with van damme in the superior  but still lame - brained double team ) is at the helm  and he would rather attempt to dazzle us with fantastic camera angles than engage us with the plot . i suppose i enjoyed some of the camera work  but the incessant desperation of it all made me rather nauseous . the picture freezes in the middle of an action sequence  speeds are altered consistently  and the camera tricks mostly apply to traveling up gun barrels as the weapons are fired . it all sounds very cool . trust me  it isn ', t . as much as it scars me to say this ( har  har )  van damme is terrible . sure  he does lots of fancy kickboxing moves and dodges giant crates with the greatest of ease . he looks like he ', s doing a bad impersonation of jackie chan  and his performance is stiff and tired . i hate to say it  but perhaps it ', s time for mr . van damme to give up his day job . it ', s really a test of endurance watching knock off . i suppose there ', s some enjoyment derived from schneider ', s character  who is extremely annoying  but provides the film ', s better moments . and what is the beautiful lela rochon doing in this movie ? hopefully she grabbed her paycheck and then fled the premises like an olympic sprinter . knock off doesn ', t even stand strong as a mindless but entertaining action film  like a handful of van damme ', s others . no  this movie is an embarrassment to the entire action genre of modern filmmaking . and considering how low hollywood has stooped as of late in that department  that is certainly not saying much . note to self : avoid universal soldier 2 : the return upon release in august ? 99 .
neg the year is barely a week old  and there is already a candidate for the worst of 1997 -- the relic  a would - be chiller that ', s more successful at making the audience laugh than scream . in this ridiculous film from uberhack peter hyams ( whose last two pictures were dreadful jean - claude van damme vehicles )  a creature that feeds on the hypothalamuses ( hypothalamii ? ) of humans and animals goes on a killing spree in a chicago museum . how did this creature come into existence  and why does it feed on hormones ? the " scientific " explanation cooked up by the four -- yes  four -- credited screenwriters ( amy holden jones  john raffo  rick jaffa  and amanda silver ) takes " suspension of disbelief " to new heights  even by monster movie standards . but as cockamamie as the science is in the film  it isn ', t quite as hard to swallow as the casting of the clueless penelope ann miller as a brilliant molecular biologist who specializes in evolutionary genetics . miller acts as if she wants an oscar nomination  turning every scene that requires the slightest display of emotion into an overblown oscar clip  complete with piercing wails and glycerine tears . give it up  penelope -- it ', s a _monster_movie_ . on the flip side  tom sizemore just phones in his performance as a police lieutenant  but his role is so thankless that it ', s hard to imagine it being played any more effectively . it ', s quite funny to see a film indulge  with the straightest of faces  in all those cheesy horror movie cliches that wes craven lampooned so well ( and so recently ) in scream . for example  in one early scene  a museum security guard goes into a bathroom stall late at night . ok  we all know what ', s coming  but as if we didn ', t need any more confirmation  he pulls out a joint and starts puffing away . everyone knows what happens to people who do drugs in a scary movie . and later  miller frantically runs out of a museum exhibit after she hears some suspicious heavy breathing . does she make a beeline for the front door ? of course not -- she runs into the ladies room and cowers in a stall . with all the cliches  it is only fitting the film ', s climax offers what is perhaps the most overused one in recent film : that of someone outrunning a fireball . if the relic is truly " the next evolution in terror " as the poster states  then the horror film -- and humanity -- is in even worse shape than we thought .
neg susan granger ', s review of " two can play that game " ( screen gems ) since the success of " waiting to exhale  " there have been several romantic comedies about african - american professionals . this female revenge fantasy  vivica a . fox plays shante smith  a stunning ad exec who seems to have reached the pinnacle of success : a mansion  a sporty car and an idyllic relationship with a hunky  hot - shot lawyer  morris chestnut . she ', s at a point in her life when she dispenses advice to her grateful girl - friends ( mo ', nique  wendy racquel robinson  tamala jones ) . " when your man messes up  no matter how small it is  " she smugly decrees  " yuh gots to punish him . " so when she catches her hot man dancing at a bar with a smart and sexy rival  gabrielle union  she devises her own version of " the rules  " a 10 - day " tough love " emotionally punishing plan to get him back . unfortunately  writer / director mark brown ( " how to be a player " ) breaks the cardinal rule of romantic comedy : you have to like the protagonist - and shrill  self - congratulatory shante smith is a smirking  superficial  spiteful shrew who doesn ', t realize that rational rules cannot always be applied to love . having her talk directly into the camera gets stale very quickly and the " day one  " " day two " title - card device underscores the tedium . comic anthony anderson scores as chestnut ', s boisterous best - friend  and singer bobby brown does a cameo as a scuzzy mechanic who ', s given a smooth makeover by ms . robinson . but the out - takes over the closing credits contain more humor than the film itself . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " two can play that game " is smarmy if slick 4  filled with misogynistic attitude and blatant product placements ( coca - cola  miller genuine draft ) but little else . in this r - rated ( for explicit sexual language )  pseudo - hip battle of the sexes  the audience loses .
neg susan granger ', s review of " glitter " ( 20th century - fox ) there ', s less here than meets the eye . or  put it this way  if you thought madonna was awful in " shanghai surprise  " mariah carey ', s worse in this reworking of " a star is born . " she plays billie frank who  despite being abandoned by her singer / alcoholic mother ( valerie pettiford )  believes she ', s destined for greatness because everyone tells her she is . " you ', ve got this amazing gift  and you gotta use it  " her roommate says . " your voice - it ', s incredible  " says another singer . " i ain ', t never met anyone like you  " proclaims julian " dice " black ( max beesley )  the hot new york dj who becomes her svengali - like producer / lover . problem is : her signature song  " i didn ', t mean to turn you on " is wretched . and when she fumes out of filming her first music video because the director wants to " exploit " her by having her wear a bikini  the audience bursts into laughter . exploit mariah carey  who chooses to wear as little as the law will allow ? come on ! writer kate lanier ', s script is fatuous and director vondie curtis - hall doesn ', t have a clue how to handle the glitzy pop diva and  as a result of their incompetence  whispery - voice ', d ms . carey seems to be embarrassed on - screen . she almost cringes when the camera comes in for a close - up  pursing her lips and averting her glassy eyes . talented british musician max beesley appears equally inept  and as cinematographer geoffrey simpson pans around the manhattan skyline  there ', s an audible audience groan when the twin towers of the world trade center come into view . perhaps one of the reasons ms . carey suffered her highly - publicized nervous breakdown this summer is because she saw a preview of this clunker . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " glitter " is a pathetic 1 . right now  it ', s tops on my list of the worst of 2001 .
neg the ads make " hanging up " seem like an upbeat comedy about a rascally father and his three daughters . anyone who went to the movie expecting that left disappointed . all of the movie ', s funny scenes were included in the ad . so what do we get ? eve marks ( meg ryan ) just put her father lou mozell ( walter matthau ) into a hospital . once upon a time  lou was a hollywood screenwriter who collaborated with his now - estranged wife . his one great moment in life was writing a film for john wayne  who gave him a giant bullet - shaped trophy . now lou is senile and deteriorating rapidly . eve tries to convince her sisters georgia ( diane keaton ) and maddy ( lisa kudrow ) that their father is dying and needs them . both are slow to show concern . so devoted eve stands vigil over her father  who constantly asks for his favorite daughter georgia  while running her own business ( planning special events ) and caring for her son ( jesse james ) . ( some comic relief comes when maddy also drops off her ailing st . bernard for eve to care for . ) the tension builds until all three sisters are finally in one room at one of eve ', s events where georgia is the keynote speaker . there ', s a superficial resemblance to shakespeare ', s " king lear " ( senile king with three daughters : one devoted saint and two selfish bitches )  but the material is apparently drawn from life . sister screenwriters delia and nora ephron had parents who were a successful hollywood writing team . henry and phoebe ephron collaborated on 17 screenplays  including " desk set " and " there ', s no business like show business . " ( delia ', s novel  the basis for the film  is dedicated to henry ) . surprisingly  the script is as thin as an anorexic ', s wet dream . the virtue of a semi - autobiographical project would seem to be the wealth of material available . yet  the ephrons provide only the barest minimum of information about their characters . also  the spaces they inhabit seem artificial . eve lives in a house that looks like a magazine layout ; no matter how put - upon she is  we can ', t feel sorry for anyone whose house is so pristine on any given day . georgia is a famous magazine editor  and in her brief scenes while she chats on a cell phone with eve seem like the photo spread for a profile . when we first meet maddy  she ', s fishing at a picturesque mountain stream . i expected to see the credit " cinematography by ', vanity fair . ', " and  yes  diane keaton is literally old enough to be lisa kudrow ', s mother . to her credit  though  she looks young enough to pull it off . the one redeeming aspect of " hanging up " is that  at its core  is a truth about siblings . there ', s always one on which everyone else in the family relies  freeing the others to be selfish and emotionally distant . my wife is the reliable child in her family ; for better or worse  my brother has the role in mine . ( being selfish and emotionally distant may not be fulfilling  but it is a lot less work ) . if you have nothing better to do than watch this movie  look for a powerful cameo by cloris leachman as the sisters ', mother pat . in a devastating scene  eve discovers that her mother doesn ', t love her . although leachman is best known for comedies like " young frankenstein " and " the mary tyler moore show  " her performance here reminded me of the considerable dramatic talent she displayed in " the last picture show . " bottom line : everyone involved has lived in hollywood so long they don ', t recognize real life anymore .
neg this is the worst movie i ', ve seen since the " so bad i walked out on it " " jingle all the way " . it is crap on toast made of crap baked in a an oven fueled by crap . it is crap through and through . nothing works in this film  as to be expected from joel schumacher  who has made only one watchable film in his entire career ( that being " cousins " ) . here ', s a man who admits he ', s a medicore director  a rather charmingly self - effacing statement . but truth be told  he is much worse than mediocre . not all scorn should be heaped on schumacher though -- akiva goldsman should not be allowed to write ever again . there is no plot anywhere  and the " dialogue " is unrelentingly shallow  preposterous  and boring . they set up mr . freeze as a tragic figure trying to cure his cryogenically frozen wife  then completely sabotage his character by giving him the lamest one - liners . it turns him into a stock maniacal villain who thoroughly enjoys his villainy instead of a brooding scientist who has spent much of his life to bringing his wife from the brink of death . but that ', s par for course -- nothing in this film makes any sense  including half of arnold schwarzenegger ', s lines . as mr . freeze  arnold is given way too much dialogue to spit out at once . this is the same problem he had in " jingle all the way "  and it seems that his austrian accent is getting thicker and more unintelligible as the days pass . personally  i think that he has more pull with the directors and doesn ', t retake scenes to make him understandable . compare his dialogue in the terminator series to the load of nonsense that streams forth in " batman & robin " . apparently  james cameron knows how to get a competent performance out of arnold . uma thurman is not as bad  but nothing resembling good either . her poison ivy vamps around terribly  chewing up scenery left and right . and her pamela isley scenes are marred by sub - snl standard " acting "  as if she ', s reading off cue cards and is about to laugh at any given moment . given the " script "  it ', s a wonder it didn ', t happen more frequently . there is no redeeming feature in this film -- not george clooney as batman  chris o ', donnell as robin  nor alicia silverstone as batgirl . michael gough is eerily sickly looking as alfred  as if the conceit of his illness was prompted by his cadaverous appearance . in fact  there was something unsettling about his appearance  which seems to have been accomplished without any make - up tricks  looking as if it were scenes from a documentary about a dying man . unfortunately  every scene about alfred ', s sickness is bungled with such incompetence that there is absolutely no emotional resonance -- they just go through the motions  losing whatever impact the scenes were supposed to impart . the movie is rife with poorly choreographed fights scenes that never give any sense of a big battle -- you know there ', s a bunch of people  but instead of a melee  schumacher decided to focus on a foot or a fist . there ', s never a moment of awe  wonder  or mayhem . the only interesting part of the battles scenes are the freezing effects  which are impressive ( and probably expensive ) . even then  the fights are so full of camp and stupidity that they become unwatchable . the hockey team from hell ? not even the tv series got that stupid ( at least not on the grand scale of stupidity that " batman & robin " showcases ) . frustrating too are the various supporting characters that walk on and off with nothing to say or do . blink  and you ', ll miss elle macpherson as julie madison  vivica fox as a " why is she even in the film " vamp in freeze ', s lair ( with all of two lines )  and pat hingle as the most ineffectual commissioner gordan the batman series ever had . and in what almost seems like an effort to save on costs  vendela kirsebom has no lines as mrs . fries -- she isn ', t even filmed well enough to look good ( trust me  she ', s quite attractive outside of this dreck ) . and as if the film weren ', t bad enough to limp along with bad direction  bad dialogue  bad performances  and bad fight scenes  there are inconsistencies and illogic galore . i know it ', s nit - picky to ask where the hundreds of feet of cable are stored in the batarangs  why the character ', s arms aren ', t ripped out of their sockets when they accomplish a one - armed batarang save after falling hundreds of feet ( while holding on to another person no less )  or where the moisture comes from when freeze ', s weapon creates tons if ice . that ', s all traditional comic book stuff . but why does batman spring a trap for freeze at a public charity event that endanger the lives of hundreds of by - standers ? why is there a big switch clearly marked  " heat " in mr . freeze ', s lair ? why do countless bumbling police officers even try to take on mr . freeze hand to hand ? why does alfred encourage silverstone to become batgirl and even go so far as to have a suit made for her ? why do batman & robin take 10 minutes to bicker before leaving the batcave in response to an emergency ? and since it established early on that ivy is using pheromones  why don ', t they wear masks to filter it out ? i could go on and on . " batman & robin " is a braindead  pointless  garish  loud film that should still reign as the " worst film of the year " by the time 1998 rolls along . note to warner bros . -- if you ', re going to make another batman film  please replace schumacher with nearly anyone . because it could actually get worse than this . what schumacher does not understand is that " comic book " doesn ', t automatically equal unbearable idiocy . the true equation seems to be schumacher + batman = unbearable idiocy .
neg when i ponder childhood memories past  one of the things that always springs immediately to mind is watching the " inspector gadget " tv show with my older brother . truth be told  we were rabid fanatics ; our version of cowboys and indians was chasing each other around our coffee table to the theme tune  alternating who would get to be gadget and who would be stuck playing the part of dr . claw  the inspector ', s arch nemesis . i was never a biggie on nostalgia  but you just can ', t help but have fond memories of something like that . sometimes i even find myself up at 4am watching re - runs of my favorite episodes  trying to recapture some of that sense of wonder i felt as a kid . at the very least  i was expecting the new film version of the classic television series to have at least some kind of similar effect on me . despite how horrid a film may be  the simple task of rekindling even a slight feeling of nostalgia is pretty tough to screw up . so back i sat  with minimum expectations of what the movie would deliver ( let ', s face it ; exactly how good can a live - action disney film really be ? ) . i was wise enough to steer clear from the likes of mr . magoo and george of the jungle ( two previous disney adaptations )  and i wish to god that i had been sharp enough to skip gadget as well . rarely has a movie left me with such an utter feeling of emptiness . as everyone else was getting up to exit the screening room after the movie had completed its assault on mankind  i was left sitting there  absolutely speechless and totally dumbfounded at what i had just seen . can something this awful truly exist in such an evolved world ? right from the beginning  i knew i was in trouble . in the opening scenes  each character is introduced as if their sole purpose is to just be  to simply serve as real - life duplicates of their cartoon clones . when referring to them  people almost yell in fear that the audience will not catch on as to who a certain character is supposed to be ( " oh  hi penny ! is brain with you ? " ) . creating one - dimensional replicas is one thing ; having mere names take the place of them is quite another . the " plot "  shall we call it  stays fairly in tune with the original series . matthew broderick stars as john brown ( how creative is that ? )  a security guard who is horribly injured by a pack of ruthless businessmen headed by scolex ( why  rupert everett  for the love of god why ? ? ? ! ! ! )  who himself is transformed into claw by an unfortunate chain of events . brown is then rescued and used as a prototype for a new law - enforcement technology wherein he ', s joined with various machine parts and some nifty gadgets to form ( drumroll  please ) . . . inspector gadget ! > from here on out  the movie becomes a hodgepodge of stupid dialog and confusing situations ( although  to be fair  my confusion could have been caused by the virtual concussion the film was inflicting upon my fragile mind ) . there ', s something about an evil gadget taking over the city ( his first crime must have been swiping matt dillon ', s dentures from there ', s something about mary ) and it all ends with ( what else ? ) a bunch of post - credit nonsense and a cameo by don adams himself . to be honest  i wasn ', t much paying attention to these " treats " . i was just glad that it was over .
neg perhaps if the impostors didn ', t have so much going for it  it wouldn ', t have been such a tremendous disappointment . written  directed  and produced by one of its two stars  stanley tucci  whose last picture was the indie smash hit  big night  the impostors almost never catches fire . sputtering like a two - day old campfire  the story plays like an ad - lib sketch that was never polished or completed . the film ', s other star  oliver platt  was hilarious as the senator ', s aide in bulworth . the bloated supporting cast is a veritable cornucopia of acting talent  including woody allen  steve buscemi  hope davis  alfred molina  campbell scott  lili taylor and tony shalhoub . all are wasted save allen  who plays a theatrical director who stares in disbelief at the bad acting before his eyes . ( the audience will easily identify with allen ', s sentiments . ) with the exception of a single original joke involving mirror - imaged subtitles  the movie engenders little genuine laughter . the stale humor is so embarrassingly bad that you will find yourself laughing sporadically at the picture rather than with it . the plot for the movie involves two starving actors  maurice ( oliver platt ) and arthur ( stanley tucci )  who accidentally end up on a cruise ship . in order to escape an angry shakespearean actor ( alfred molina )  who is chasing them  they dress up as ship ', s stewards . the over - the - top script has the subtlety of a sledgehammer . when the leads hide from their pursuers  arthur covers maurice ', s mouth as he suffers an unending sneeze . at other times  we have the typical zany comedy routine where everyone chases everyone else  while darting in and out of staterooms . with the film ', s chapters introduced like placards at a vaudeville stage  it is clear the movie wants to be taken as farce . the press notes describes how everyone that came on the set remarked at what a good time all of the actors were having . too bad they weren ', t more concerned with the audience ', s potential enjoyment . the jokes  frequently framed in silence  fall like stones with such intensity that one can almost hear them hitting the ground . one wonders if anyone ever viewed the film ', s dailies . surely  if they had  they would have realized what leaden results they were producing . it is tricky having good actors play bad ones  but  if they couldn ', t pull it off  they should have just given up . " the show is over for this fella  " steve buscemi ', s character says towards the end . the mystery is why they didn ', t all give up in the beginning . there must have been a better script somewhere for such a wonderful cast . the impostors runs 1 : 42 . it is rated r for a little profanity and would be fine for kids around 12 and up .
neg this was the last carry on movie ( if you discount ', carry on columbus ', as a carry on movie ) and was made by a new production company . based in central london  this movie is about the attempts by emmanuelle prevert ( suzanne danielle ) to bed her husband emile the french ambassador ( kenneth williams ) . when he seems unwilling  she is given his permission to bed anyone she likes  such as the prime minister and the u . s . ambassador . her antics get her into trouble and the british press spread these rumours all over their front pages . she is invited to talk on television to set the record straight but only confirms the rumours instead . meanwhile  theodore valentine ( larry dann ) is in love with emmannuelle after a chance encounter in the toilet of the concorde and is determined to marry her . however  she is only interested in restoring her husband ', s ardour which seems a little difficult after emile ', s accident with a church spire ! this film is the second worst carry on movie  the worst being ', carry on england ', . it is embarassing to see some of the remaining regulars struggle through this diabolical script by lance peters and try to pull off some of the crude and tasteless jokes that he has written . newcomers suzanne danielle and beryl reid ( as mrs . valentine ) are mildly funny  but larry dann as theodore is excruciatingly bad . kenneth williams only appears in a few scenes and his lacklustre performance is warranted  given the script . the small parts for jack douglas as lyons the butler  joan sims as mrs . dangle  kenneth connor as leyland the chauffeur  and peter butterworth as richmond  are worthless and embarassing . in fact  all four parts are surplus to requirements . however  the only humourous scene in the film is when the four of them and emmannuelle talk about their most amourous escapades . an awful script  a terrible collection of jokes  very poor production values ( especially the scene where emmannuelle takes her clothes off at st . james palace )  a ludicrous and cringeworthy musical score  and a non - existent plot or storyline . its just a succession of awful set pieces about who emmannuelle will bed next ! jack douglas is not so annoying but is more boring  joan sims and peter butterworth are wasted  and kenneth connor and kenneth williams put in some poor performances as leyland and emile . a complete waste of time  this movie was trying to catch up with the new sexually permissive seventies . it was a certificate 15 film but by 1978  there was little interest in this kind of film and it flopped at the box office and was only given its premiere on uk terrestrial television in april 1998 ! avoid at all costs !
neg if you ', re debating whether or not to see _breakfast_of_champions_  ask yourself one simple question : do you want to see nick nolte in lingerie ? the only people who would get much enjoyment from alan rudolph ', s chaotic adaptation of the kurt vonnegut novel is the cross - section of the population with the unhealthy urge to see that unpleasant sight . everyone else -- and i ', m hoping that ', s most people -- would be wise to steer clear of this excrutiatingly unfunny mess . actually  though  the sight of nolte in high heels is one of the more amusing things about this muddle  which focuses dwayne hoover ( bruce willis )  the owner of dwayne hoover ', s exit 11 motor village in midland city . not only is he a huge success as a businessman  he ', s also something of a celebrity  his face made recognizable by an ongoing series of television commercials . with a nice home and family to boot  dwayne appears to have it all the ingredients to be happy -- yet he ', s not . his wife celia ( barbara hershey ) is perpetually in a pill - induced haze ; his son george ( lukas haas ) is a flamboyant lounge singer who goes by the stage name " bunny . " not only that  the environmental protection agency is on dwayne ', s ass over a building development project . it ', s enough to send dwayne on a nervous breakdown -- that is  if he doesn ', t succeed in blowing his brains out first . meanwhile  midland city is about to host a fine arts festival  and the guest of honor is one kilgore trout ( albert finney )  a writer who is far from the renowned author the festival ', s organizer ( buck henry ) was led to believe -- in fact  he ', s a penniless hack who writes second - rate sci - fi that appears in porn magazines . his trek to midland city is also a spiritual journey  one that reaches its apex after meeting dwayne  who for some reason thinks that trout will hold for him all of life ', s answers . the above is already a longer plot synopsis than i usually give in my reviews  but  ironically  i have barely scratched the surface . i haven ', t yet mentioned wayne hoobler ( omar epps )  an ex - con with an obsessive admiration for the similarly - named dwayne . then there ', s the matter of francine ( glenne headly )  dwayne ', s devoted secretary . not to mention dwayne ', s employee and old friend harry lesabre ( nolte )  the one with the secret penchant for cross - dressing . and so on . the film is essentially dwayne ', s story  but too often rudolph goes on distracting tangents with the eccentric peripheral players that one often wonders what the point is . rudolph does arrive at a point ( more on that later )  but it ', s blunted and obscured by his hyperactive approach to the material . the surreal visual style  complete with printed words flying through the air and into dwayne ', s ears  is obviously meant to convey a sense of madness  but its bludgeoning nature is likely to make viewers mad . the actors are called on to act accordingly  resulting in some of the worst  most overdone work all of them have ever turned in . willis fares best of all -- but that ', s because his frozen expression of befuddled bewilderment mirrors that of the audience . with such an aggressively outrageous atmosphere for nearly all of its running time  it comes as a shock when things suddenly turn serious  and rudolph tries to make a statement . unlike _american_beauty_ ( a film that _breakfast_ resembles in more than a few ways  to its great detriment )  there isn ', t any palpably earnest undercurrent that would prepare the audience for the big shift . as such  the cartoony characters fail to win a sympathy that needs to be earned ; and the film attempts  to no avail  to reach a profundity that it doesn ', t deserve . vonnegut ', s original novel is considered a classic  but it had been called unfilmable -- the same that was said of hunter s . thompson ', s _fear_and_loathing_in_las_vegas_  which was disastrously committed to film last year by terry gilliam . with the similar failure of _breakfast_of_champions_  will hollywood ever learn that books labeled " unfilmable " inevitably results in a film that is unwatchable ? likely not .
neg suicide is pointless  everyone should know that . so what ', s this movie like ? you guessed it . . . pointless . the virgin suicides focuses on the lives of the five lisbon sisters  from the perspective of the teenage boys who are fascinated by them . when the youngest lisbon sister commits suicide  it sets in motion a series of events that will change the lives of many people forever . that ', s what the press materials for the film probably say . now here ', s what i say : the virgin suicides is a huge waste of time . boring  arty  pretentious junk that is about as entertaining as . . . well as committing suicide . the movie lost me early on  immediately following the scene where the younger daughter jumps to her death from her bedroom window . the girl ', s father ( james woods ) holds her lifeless body in his arms as their horrified family looks on . then  as the scene ends  the lawn sprinklers come on . is that a joke ? is that supposed to be amusing in some way ? from then on  the movie failed to draw me back in . performances are the only saving grace of the virgin suicides . woods plays the only character who would actually interest me when he came onscreen  but the performance of kirsten dunst as the next youngest daughter lux is worth mentioning as well . dunst has the potential to be a big star  if she chooses her projects well . and while this film is awful  she manages to come away from it virtually unscathed . there are also a few cameos in the film here and there  which only frustrate the audience as they leave you wanting more . as a result  they all seem rather pointless ( although there ', s a brief role given to michael pare from eddie and the cruisers which turns out to be his best role since . . . well since eddie and the cruisers ) . perhaps the virgin suicides would have worked had the story not been told from the point of view of people who had very little access to the main characters . we never get any significant insight into the girls and why they might be feeling what they ', re feeling . all we really know is that mrs . lisbon ( kathleen turner ) is strict and keeps them on a short leash . what mother doesn ', t ? it ', s certainly no reason to commit suicide . with the godfather part iii  sofia coppola proved that she had no business being in front of the camera . with the virgin suicides  she proves she has no business behind it either . having family connections doesn ', t entitle you to be allowed to make movies . so attention film directors . . . stop letting your daughters pout their way into the industry . just because they share your dna doesn ', t mean they share your talent . [ r ]
neg the realm of science fiction has always been an allegory of political and or moral sensibilities . the best tales of the genre deal with mankind ', s struggle for survival or knowledge . such popular and noteworthy tomes as " stranger in a strange land " by robert heinlein  " childhood ', s end " by arthur c . clarke and " man in the high castle " and " do androids dream of electric sheep " by philip k . dick all deal with man ', s need for identity and struggle for self worth . hollywood has regularly adapted the milieu ( if not the message ) of science fiction since it ', s beginnings . most films just created fancy pulp tales with no more thought that the escapism they achieved . it really wasn ', t until producer george pal  took charge of robert heinlein ', s novel " rocketship galileo " and crafted the film " destination moon "  that ', sci - fi ', ( as it is commonly referred to )  came into it ', s own . from there  such diverse filmmakers as roger corman to stanley kubrick  have sought to express ideas through the medium of the genre . with the release of touchstone pictures " mission to mars "  we have an unabashedly nonchalant sci - fi film for those who read the national enquirer and the globe . the film opens on a summer barbecue  as phil ohlmyer ( jerry o ', connell ) woos a young female with his tales of space glory and the upcoming mission . woody blake ( tim robbins ) and his wife terri ( connie nielsen ) commit to his coming authority on the mission  and luc goddard ( don cheadle ) consoles his son . entering the party is jim mcconnell ( gary sinise )  who gave up command of the mission due to the untimely death of his wife  maggie ( kim delaney ) . luc consoles jim with woody ', s assistance . the three men are friends and carry a fine bond of trust and caring between them . but jim still longs to set foot on the red planet . the mission is in earnest as luc and his team land in the cydonia region of mars . they send out the rover to investigate the area and discover what seems to be water or ice under the surface . going out to investigate  luc and his team approach the famed ', face on mars ', . a strange noise emanates from the rock . as the team tries to scan through the rock with radar  a violent wind storm erupts  creating a vortex that kills all members of the team  save for luc . back on the space station orbiting earth  woody and jim receive the information that the mars landing team is missing . luc ', s interference laden emergency message urges the two men to attempt a second mission to the red planet in the hopes of rescuing the previous team . the second journey to the martian world is fraught with danger . meteorite showers  explosions  and rescues all come into play as the intrepid heroes make there way to the planet ', s surface . the big question is  is there now or has there ever been intelligent life on mars . and if so  what is its relationship with us ? now for the bad news . the entire plot of " mission to mars " is based almost wholeheartedly on outdated and preposterous national enquirer type martian civilization tripe . the famed ', face on mars ', becomes the centerpiece of the film  revealing some of the most harebrained sci - fi pabulum the screen has witnessed . borrowing ideas from such films as " robinson crusoe on mars " ( 1964 )  quatermass and the pit ( 1967 )  " 2001 : a space odyssey "  and even mario bava ', s " planet of the vampires " ( ', terrore nello spazio ', ) ( 1965 )  " mission to mars " is a hodgepodge of ideas that don ', t add up to a satisfying whole . while some sequences are wonderfully handled and executed  the film remains flat and un - involving . so much time is giving to establishing the lead characters in the film  but to no good use . the performances are all workmen like  with only don cheadle ( as luc ) carrying any sort of real chemistry . gary sinise is wasted in role that requires him to look as if he is experiencing sleep depravation . and the mistaken idea of having jerry o ', connell ( as phil ohlmyer ) play his part for comic relief is just too painful to excuse . and the less said about tim robbins called in from home performance the better . he ', s just having too much fun here to give a damn . the script has a few lapses  namely that after discovering several breaches in the hull of the ship caused by a meteorite shower  no one thinks of checking the fuel tanks or the remainder of the ship for damage . this of course leads to our heroes having to abandon their rescue ship . also  when one character sacrifices himself  the character takes on a religious demeanor that is completely at odds with the situation . but the biggest offence in the film is the horrid  intrusive score by ennio morricone . subtlety is non - existent here . in fact in some scenes the music becomes so extravagant that dialogue is almost drowned out . the only sequence in which the score almost works is during the protracted meteorite shower . the pacing of the film is very leisurely . after the opening introduction of the characters ( which lasts a full 22 minutes )  we are finally dropped onto the martian surface . then  there is another long pause in the plot for more character development  including an elaborate dance sequence in zero gravity . the film could lose about 30 minutes and actually gain some momentum . there are so many scenes of talking heads  discussing what we already know is going to happen  that it drags the film to a dead stop . the good news is that the film is absolutely sumptuous to look at . the vistas of the planet mars are majestic and awe inspiring . the design of the numerous spacecraft and suits are all expertly drafted  with a level of realism that hasn ', t been seen since " 2001 : a space odyssey " . the visual effects are just stunning  from the space walk sequences  to the visualization of evolution on earth . the only fault come with the martians themselves  which look more like something out of a plastic model kit than something from another world . director de palma stages some wonderfully creative scenes through out the film . the opening sequence alone in a seemingly un - interrupted cut lasting almost 15 minutes ( an homage ', to hitchcock ', s " rope " )  as we are introduced to all of the characters . scenes in the rescue ship  with its rotating centrifuge  are just amazing in their execution . but the nagging question  is the final explanation worth all of this sturm und drang . sadly it is not . director brian de palma has crafted an extravagant production . the set design and visual effects are all arresting . but it ', s the comic strip denouncement that ruin what might have been a fine return to good adventurous  thought provoking science fiction . a disappointing film  but one that might still entertain if you can settle for the visuals .
neg back in february at the monthly los angeles comic book and science fiction convention  new line cinema put on a lavish presentation for its big - screen update of the cult 1960s sci - fi tv show lost in space  complete with in - person appearances by cast members mimi rogers  matt leblanc  lacey chabert  jack johnson  and even gary oldman . that should have set off my warning alarms -- the last time such an extravagant film presentation took place at the convention was nearly five years ago  when none other than arnold schwarzenegger made an in - person cameo to peddle . . . last action hero . but no  like millions of others  i bought into the hype and " got lost . " if only i had gotten lost -- literally -- on the way to theatre and spared myself the tedium of this sloppily slapped - together blockbuster wannabe . you may find yourself wondering if director stephen hopkins and screenwriter akiva goldsman were lost themselves when they made the film . at the convention  goldsman claimed to be a rabid fan of the original television series  and if that really is the case  i ', d hate to see what he does with concepts he only has mild interest in . to say that his script lacks narrative cohesion is to imply that there is a narrative to begin with -- which there most certainly is not . after the setup  in which the robinson family -- father john ( william hurt  looking and sounding as spaced out as he does in interviews )  mother maureen ( rogers  wasted )  daughters judy ( heather graham  ditto ) and penny ( a heavily made - up chabert  looking like a junior version of neve campbell in wild things )  and son will ( young newcomer johnson  making the best of it ) -- and pilot don west ( leblanc  doing a bad han solo impression ) find themselves lost in space after their ship is sabotaged by evil stowaway dr . smith ( a watered - down but still - lively oldman  cashing a paycheck and loving every minute )  the script ', s " stream " of events becomes so fragmented and random that it seems to be made up as it goes along -- and hopkins does little to make what does go on the slightest bit interesting . they encounter another ship . they board it . alien spiders attack them . they return to their ship . the other one explodes . they land on a deserted planet . and so on . an attempt at a plot involving time travel occurs in the third act  but goldsman doesn ', t seem to understand the rules that come with using such a story device ; when one character ', s past self dies  the future incarnation inexplicably lives on . the look and effects should be lost in space ', s ace - in - the - hole  but hopkins even manages to botch that . for a big - budget film  the visual effects are incredibly shoddy . in one composite background shot  i could see the blue outline around oldman ; the various digital effects for the space battle scenes look like . . . digital effects . but nothing in those shots is as jaw - droppingly unconvincing as blawp  a monkey - like space creature that becomes penny ', s pet . entirely computer - generated and every inch showing it  blawp looks like it was lifted directly from a sony playstation game . apparently hopkins thought the same and tried desperately to hide it ; how else can one explain the graininess of blawp ', s composite shots with the human actors ? but in doing so  the seams are that much more obvious . you have to be severely visually impaired to not be distracted when a grainy shot of penny and blawp is immediately followed by a crystal - clear solo reaction shot of judy . new line is hoping lost in space will become a big franchise much like the long - running star trek cash cow at paramount . i don ', t think so . in a few years  the lost in space movie will likely live on not as a series but as the obscure answer to a trivia question : what film ended titanic ', s 15 - week reign at the top of the weekend box office ?
neg the working title for no looking back was long time  nothing new  and rarely has there been a more apt name for a motion picture . even though this movie clocks in at a relatively skinny 96 minutes  it seems to run long enough to engulf two titanics . writer / director edward burns has trotted out a hackneyed storyline  the trajectory of which will be instantly recognizable to anyone who hasn ', t spent their life in seclusion . instead of tweaking the formula a little to invigorate the proceedings  burns is content to allow the film to ramble aimlessly towards its irritatingly predictable conclusion  offering precious few momentary pleasures along the way . no looking back is dominated by three very dislikable characters whose constant presence on the screen is painful . the most appropriate ending would have been a triple suicide  and the sooner  the better . alas  that ', s not the case  and those who stick with this film for its entire length will be forced to endure the prolonged company of this wretched trio . and  to further depress audiences  burns has shot the entire film on cold  rainy days in a gray new york state beach town . peeks of sunshine are few and far between . no wonder the characters are all so miserable . first of all  we have charlie ( burns )  a generation x slacker who abandoned his girlfriend three years ago after she had an abortion  then spent some time bumming around in california before deciding to come home . that girlfriend is claudia ( lauren holly )  and  after picking up the pieces of her life following charlie ', s departure  she has moved on  shacking up with one of charlie ', s old school buddies  mike ( jon bon jovi ) . the two have a comfortable relationship  but it ', s apparent to even a blind person that they ', re not right for each other . claudia years for some spice in her life ; mike wants to settle down and have children . then charlie re - enters the mix . so who  if anyone  will claudia end up with ? who cares ? ? no looking back goes to extraordinary lengths to make sure that we ', re not especially interested in the outcome of the romantic triangle . so what if no one finds happiness -- these characters don ', t deserve it anyway  especially after wasting 90 minutes of our time . they aren ', t real people -- they ', re a writer ', s construct stumbling through a too - obvious storyline . they should know the ending as well as we do . and burns should have given his audience more credit and presented them with a plot that at least offered a surprise or two . another frustrating thing about no looking back is that burns has populated the film with a group of potentially - interesting supporting characters . blythe danner is solid as claudia ', s housebound mother  connie britton is suitably high - strung as claudia ', s neurotic sister  and jennifer esposito is eye - catching as a bartender in search of a little romance . sadly  all we get is quick glimpses into their lives  although a movie about any of them would have been far more intriguing than the story burns has chosen to tell . none of the lead performers are going to wow critics with their thespian attributes . edward burns is pushing the edge of his limited range here . jon bon jovi shows more acting ability than one might reasonably expect from a singer branching into a different career  but he could still use a little polish . the worst case is lauren holly  who presents a completely bland claudia . as portrayed here  she ', s hardly the kind of woman who would inspire even a moment ', s interest  not to mention undying love . burns ', ex  the monumentally untalented maxine bahns  would have been hard - pressed to do a less inspired job . when he released the brothers mcmullen  edward burns was revered as the wunderkind of the 1995 sundance film festival ( robert redford has apparently stuck with him -- the aging actor / director executive produced this mess ) . two films and three short years later  the luster has faded . some movie makers have only one good film in them . with back - to - back duds like she ', s the one and no looking back to follow the delightful brothers  burns is beginning to look like a member of that undistinguished club .
neg the job of the film critic is to see a movie and write a review of it that tells you what it ', s about and why it ', s good or bad . i feel kind of embarrassed to admit this  but i after having seen " get carter " i really can ', t tell you what it ', s about although i could go on and on about how and why it ', s a bad movie . " get carter " falls into that category of ? movies that continue to be made for reasons unknown to anyone outside of a hollywood executive board room . you might call them the " steven seagal / mickey rourke / jean - claude van damme / wesley snipes school of mediocre action / crime thrillers . " you know - the potboilers that are heavy on fistfights  shoot - outs and car chases but really light on plot and character development . they have stories where the so - called hero just keeps running into characters who have some connection to one of the other characters who are all antagonists without a reason for being in the movie other than to give the protagonist someone to fight  chase or shoot at . sylvester stallone stars as jack carter  a las vegas - based mob enforcer who returns home * for his brother ', s funeral . he believes his brother ? richie was " taken out " and didn ', t die from a dwi accident . carter ', s one of the most cliche bad - asses ever captured on celluloid . his face alone is pretty intimidating and there ', s quite a few scenes in which he leans on both regular citizens and criminal lowlives simply by staring them down and speaking with confidence in his " rambo - on - testosterone - therapy " voice . stallone ', s performance in this movie is so forced and unnatural he doesn ', t realize he ', s mocking himself . the actual story involves carter ', s investigation into his brother richie ', s death . he ', s in a town that ', s not his but somehow the local top dogs know him very well . mickey rourke co - stars as one of these characters  a sort of crime boss who has something to do with running a porno web site and blackmailing a young internet tycoon ( played by alan cummings looking and acting a lot like pee wee herman ) . there ', s also another plot involving richie ', s mistress  a secret cd - rom with some convicting and disturbing evidence on it and something terrible involving one of carter ', s still - living relatives . i ', m rolling my eyes just thinking about trying to critique all this in a way that could be remotely comprehendible . i could just rip the screenplay to shreds  plus the direction or the editing or the production values but that would require discussion of nearly every scene in order to explain it all . i don ', t like to put spoliers in my reviews either intentionally or accidentally . yes  " get carter " is just that complicated and complex . and what ', s worse is that it ', s not this intricate to make it seem smart like " the usual suspects " for example - just the opposite . you get the feeling whoever wrote this script did it in short intervals spaced far apart and they probably didn ', t remember what had already happened and didn ', t figure out how each scene would lead in to the next one or how the major plot points would work towards the climax . all you really need to know is that most of the film is just scenes of carter tracking down one scumbag or supposed witness after another  asking them what they know  getting information and then realizing that if he wasn ', t a complete idiot he could have figured it out in the first five minutes . although the supporting characters are equally stupid themselves since they tell him everything which comes back to haunt them in one violent way or another . making a movie entirely about criminals doesn ', t necessarily mean they have to be unlikable and cliche cutout characters . mel gibson starred in " payback " a few years ago that had a story not unlike this one but had such a good screenplay you couldn ', t help but like him even though he was just as bad a guy as jack carter . so ultimately " get carter " fails for pretty much every selling point it has . carter is not a likable character and you really don ', t care if he gets revenge or not . the action sequences are not at all exciting or original . the enemies and their massive conspiracy are not threatening at all ( c ', mon  you know who ', s going to win every brawl and shoot - out and car chase ) . in the end you don ', t feel nearly satisfied with the results . the filmmakers did a good job in doing everything as unoriginal as possible . * the city is never mentioned by name but i assume it ', s seattle since all the cars have washington license plates and it ', s always raining .
neg i ', ve got to admit it . . . i ', m a huge jim carrey fan . i loved the first ace ventura  as well as the mask and dumb and dumber -- and even in batman forever ( which was a pretty awful movie )  carrey was one of the few people to come off looking reasonably good . until i saw ace ventura 2  i had no idea how people could find the guy annoying . sadly  ace ventura 2 shows just how irritating and annoying carrey can be . carrey goes through the same schtick he went through in the first ace movie  but this time it is no longer funny -- it is just a rehash of many of the same jokes used in ace i . the plot sees pet detective ace ventura retiring after failing to save a raccoon ( in a reasonable cliffhanger spoof ) . soon he is called out of retirement to find a bat which was kidnapped and  if not returned in four days  will cause two warring african tribes to destroy each other . once again  it ', s up to ace to save the day  using his uncanny detective skills . those who have been disappointed by carrey ', s more restrained roles in the films following the first ace ventura may be glad to see him over - acting to the best of his ability  but some may be disappointed by the fact that this sequel doesn ', t capture the feel of the original . the original benefited from what looked to be carrey ', s constant hyped - up improv sequences  which were hysterically funny . here  however  the tighter script ( which is reminiscent of the old disney telemovies ) takes the improvised material from the first  and shamelessly recycles it in the new movie  giving carrey little chance to improvise . instead  his extremely funny manner has been reduced to just walking around stupidly . but one of the biggest problems i had was with the character of ventura himself . in the first movie  he was always cool  and one step ahead of every one else -- perfect for carrey ', s off - the - wall approach . but here  ventura is made to look a lot stupider  and is often made out as the straight guy -- a role which is definitely not carrey ', s style . there are definitely some very funny moments  but they are few and far between . they are also nowhere near as funny as anything carrey did in the first ace ventura  or even dumb and dumber .
neg for about twenty minutes into mission impossible 2 director john woo ( the killer  hard boiled  face off ) appears to have made an exciting  elegant  charming spy thriller  kind of a post millennium james bond adventure with a strapping american ( read : unsophisticated ) hero more willing to drop kick villains than out fox them . sadly  as the picture progresses  the final product begins to bear a closer resemblance to a souped up  two - hour long episode of magyuver . and not a particularly good one at that . what went wrong ? mi2 begins flashily enough  that initial flash leading us to believe that it ', ll soon give way to something of a plot  but it only gives way to more flash  then digresses further into a presumably unintentional parody of itself with much slo mo posturing and countless action set pieces wherein bad guys seem to deliberately leap into the way of tom cruise ', s firing gun just so they can die really cool . early on  during a car chase between soon to be lovers ethan hunt ( tom cruise ) and nyah nordoff - hall ( thandie newton )  woo works some of his trademark magic . in one hypnotic  though completely inexplicable sequence  the director slows the action down to a languid semi - stall as cruise and his stunning opponent stare into one and other ', s eyes with come hither sexuality ? ? ? just as their respective cars smash and spin in accordance  coming ever so close to toppling over a neighboring cliff . prior to this we see the famed trailer opener of cruise climbing a steep mountain  sans scaffolding  then leaping from one jagged rock formation to another . why ? i haven ', t the foggiest . i doubt even john woo could provide you with a logical reply . with mi2 woo has become a slave to the summer movie machine  the one that jettisons logic for gravity defying effects and story for more gravity defying effects . it ', s possible that these " spies " could be adrenaline junkies climbing mountains and crashing into each other as means to get off  though of course this is never explored . the scenes i ', ve described are really only included to titillate  not to give any insight into character . god forbid . woo certainly knows how to make each set piece energetic  but they remain individual set pieces never connecting to form anything more than splices of beer commercial - like visuals . still in terms of crackerjack eye candy  the opening has much to cherish . cruise and newton first meet during a vigorous flamenco dance featuring several welcome woo devices ( the graceful slow mo artistry of synchronized movement juxtaposed against the stage 1 romance of two attractive individuals discovering how attractive the other is ) . between the frantic dancing  woo trains his camera on cruise and newton as they make with some sensuous eye contact . the scene is a little over the top in a bon jovi music video circa 1988 kind of way  yet it has style and something of soul  and woo casts a bit of a spell on us . sure it ', s all smoke and mirrors  but we can see that there happens to be a talented maestro behind this particular product . thandie and cruise later meet in a bathtub in a scene that ', s about half as playfully charming as the jennifer lopez \\ george cloony trunk meeting in out of sight . they flirt and exchange obvious double entendres . newton bats her eyes flirtatiously . cruise grins a little too slyly . the cruise character  ethan hunt  has been drastically altered since the first film . here cruise plays him more as a hip  sexual dynamo than the square jawed robot he impersonated in part 1 . he ', s cool and dashing  which is precisely the kind of role we want to see cruise in after watching him sleep walk through eyes wide shut ( which might just be the longest episode of red show diaries ever committed to film )  and blustered his way through magnolia ( quite possibly the most overrated performance of the 90 ', s ) . sadly as the film progresses we see less of cruise ', s initial " i ', m the man ! " charm and more slo - mo close - ups of his preening mug . mi2 falls apart on nearly every level during its repetitious third act  which is essentially one hour long action sequence that just won ', t stop . the whole thing commences with an utterly generic gun battle ( the first gun fight in the film )  which really should be unheard of in a john woo film  but alas this particular battle could ', ve been staged by anyone from renny harlin to joseph merhi ( of course excepting the " symbolic " pigeons who seem to find their way into every john woo picture ) . we ', ve all seen guys slide across the floor in slo mo while firing a gun in each hand . it isn ', t done any differently here . the action is pure hard target \\ broken arrow theatrics with nothing to propel it but the apparent need to see tom cruise drop kick face less villains while his hair whips stylishly in the wind . he ', s cool for sure but he ', s made to be as empty as the movie . the actor isn ', t used so much for his boyish appeal as for his chiseled looks ; he smiles narcissistically into the camera at literally any moment  be it during a gunfight  before one or after one . when he ', s not beaming away  he ', s staring into the lens with cold eyes trying to look mad as hell  but woo ', s editing seriously undermines the effort . he fetishizes cruise ', s angular face with such glee that it turns into a naked gun style spoof . i half expected cruise to peel off his facemask and reveal that he ', s really austin powers . in a classic woo action moment  ethan hunt struts past a fiery doorway glaring at the baddies within its frame like a pin - up boy angel of death . the gunfight turns into a daring escape which turns into a reckless mission which turns into a motorcycle attack in which bad guys seem to angle directly for cruise to kill them like some kind of mass suicide ritual ( one dumb bastard even jumps his bike over the gun toting cruise  basically inviting our handsome hero to shoot him in mid air which he does ) . the lead bad guy ( played by the appropriately british dougray scott ) and cruise face off in a mentally deficient game of chicken ? ? ? on motorcycles . though instead of jumping off to the side at the last moment  the two grown men leap directly into the other giving each other a mid air bear hug  only to fly about a hundred feet ( still in bear hug position )  land on a beach below and begin a mano - e - mano fist fight that ends with the bad guy pulling a " so you thought i was dead . . . " . not to worry  cruise takes care of the problem without even breaking a sweat . what a hero ! you may have noticed that i opted not to describe an iota of mi2 ', s plot . my reasoning is simple : i ', m not sure of any good it would do . the film itself has absolutely no concern with story  only with hurtling forth to the next " special " effect . i wasn ', t kidding when i told a friend of mine that mi2 has less plot than the average aerosmith video . nobody will go to this for the plot  and if they do they ', ll surely regret it . as summer movies evolve ( or devolve ) character and plot have become increasingly whittled down to nearly nothing . in mi  the plot seemed to be built around brian de palma ', s ( that film ', s director ) stylistic flourishes  while in mi2 the plot only serves to give us an intermittent breather from woo ', s non - stop masturbatory pandemonium . it ', s irrelevant in every sense  as is character . all that ultimately matters are those pesky smoke and mirrors .
neg every now and then  reviewers are faced with the films that are hard to be properly reviewed . most of the time it happens with films that leave so overwhelming impact  either good or bad  that in the end reviewers must work hard to express his thoughts or feelings . but  sometimes it can happen for rather trivial reasons . i love trouble happened to be one of such occasions for the author of this review . the impression left by the film wasn ', t overwhelming - on the contrary  there were hardly any impression at all  since i had real trouble keeping myself awake while watching it . which surprise me to this day  because the movie theatre was full  i was close to sound speakers  the show wasn ', t late and i didn ', t lack sleep before the show . such things happen very rarely to me  and  after many years  the closest thing to solution to this mystery is probably the quality of the film itself . the plot revolves around two rival chicago reporters - old peter brackett ( nick nolte ) and young  aspiring sabrina peterson ( julia roberts ) . two of them are assigned to cover the train collision . as soon as they meet  they start scooping each other  but during the process they both discover sinister plot involving cancerogenic milk  and also the romantic feelings they have for each other . the plot in this film is rather secondary to its real raison d ', ? tre - romantic pairing reminiscent of classical screwball comedies starring spencer tracy and katharine hepburn . movie author  director and screenwriter charles shyer  who had some experiences with turning the screwball spirit into modern setting with father of the bride  tries again  this time pairing old nick nolte with young julia roberts . however  although there is some chemistry between the two  soon it stops to arouse any interest . it probably happens due to poorly executed genre mix  that collides light - hearted romantic comedy with rather uninteresting plot suitable to pure action thrillers . shyer as director fails to make the proper transition between the two  and fails in both areas  making the story cliched and predictable . the end result is rather forgettable effort  which convinced me not to watch movie again . i ', ll give it the benefit of the doubt  though .
neg the only two really good things that i can say about tarzan and the lost city are as follows : jane march was very cute as jane  and the movie was thankfully under 90 minutes in length . if you haven ', t already figured it out  i didn ', t like this movie very much . the plot was boring and contrived to the extreme . tarzan ( casper van dien ) has now left the jungle and living in civilized society . he is just days away from his impending marriage to jane  played by the aptly named jane march . back in his former home of africa  a group of looters has found the key to locating a lost city . ( mind you i never really figured out why they actually wanted to find this city . ) anyway  tarzan ', s old jungle friend appears to him in a vision . tarzan realizes that he must return to africa to help stop the bad guys from finding the lost city . he leaves jane ( his first mistake  in my opinion ) and travels to africa . of course  jane is hot on her ape man ', s heals . the two of them are reunited in africa where they do battle with the bad guys . sound like a dumb explanation of the plot ? it ', s actually an improvement over the real thing . the acting is just plain awful . i ', m not quite sure what casper van dien was doing in this film  but it wasn ', t acting . jane march wasn ', t a heck of a lot better  but at least she is easy on the eyes . compounding the bad acting was the fact that in many places the dialogue had obviously been re - recorded  and i ', ve seen better dubbing in some old bruce lee movies . added to the sound problems was the cinematography . this film was filled with beautiful african scenery . but the panoramic scenery shots looked overexposed to me . quite frankly  i think you could probably do a better job capturing the beauty of africa with a camcorder than this bunch did with professional film equipment . then we have the special effects . " special effects in a tarzan movie ? " you are no doubt asking yourself ? yes friends  the writers injected some very out of place supernatural elements into the story . probably for the sake of using cgi  since it did nothing but hurt the story . in most parts  they weren ', t bad  just nothing special . but  they were more than a little on the hokey side . except of course  when we got to the ridiculous climax of this movie . the grand finale ', s special effects went right into the toilet at that point . it almost looked like they had run out of money . these effects were of noticeably lower quality than those in the rest of the film and looked like something in an amateur video production . i took one lesson away from watching tarzan and the lost city -- ape men and bones that morph into skeletal warriors don ', t mix . stay far away from this version of tarzan .
neg silly performances and some huge gaps in logic mar an otherwise interesting tale of an eclectic group of people stranded at " the last stop cafe and motel " due to heavy snowfall . one of the stranded is a colorado state highway patrolman ( adam beach ) who discovers a murder scene and a bag full of cash from a recent bank robbery . someone amongst the group of strangers is a bank robber and a murderer  but is it the same person or are there multiple criminals ? adam beach unfortunately was the wrong choice for the lead in this film . he doesn ', t play the role with enough seriousness to be believable or enough goofiness for it to be funny . his performance is stuck somewhere in the middle  and this film really needed it to be on one side or the other . rose mcgowan is cold and unpleasant to the eye as always  and jurgen prochnow . . . what on earth is he doing in this ? best performance comes from william s . taylor as a cheesy ( yet still somehow cool and confident ) wayne newton drifter type . the last stop is available on dvd from sterling home entertainment . as usual with sterling  they ', ve filled out this dvd with extra features . the disc contains the film in its original aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1  a choice of 2 . 0 dolby surround sound or 5 . 1 dolby digital surround sound  a full length audio commentary track with director mark malone  interviews with the cast and crew  the original trailer  and the usual cast and crew biographies . the film itself might not be the greatest  but sterling ', s effort of adding decent extra features while keeping the price affordable ( suggested retail of $ 19 . 95 ) makes this dvd worth the money . [ r ]
neg so i went and saw this film right  it was called " battlefield : earth "  i was never interested in the previews  and never too terribly interested in the book  nor do i find scientology interesting  but after reading advanced reviews of how bad this film really is  i had that weird urge just to watch it . well let me be the first to say  and so far in my view it ', s safe to say : battlefield : earth might be the worst film i have ever seen  yes even worse than " mr . magoo "  " blue in the face "  or " jaws : the revenge " . roger christianson whos credits include set direction  and art direction for such great films as " alien " and " star wars "  directs this film with such amateurism  that the film looks and feels and in fact sounds so dumb  that it ', s quite depressing . the look of the film  is dark and drabby at times  but then bright and happy at other times . the sound is terrible  and has the worst surround sound effects i ', ve heard . the acting is nothing  the dialogue poor  and the make - up effects hideous . here ', s the so - called plot : earth 3000 . . . . man is a endangered species  while aliens from the planet psychlo ( the aliens are named psychlo . . . i wonder why ? ! ) are invading earth  destined to put an end to those " man - animals " to an end  and destroy earth once and for all  of course we have our typical hero ( played terrible by barry pepper  who was great in a small role in 1999 ', s " the green mile " ) who is destined to go out  and save his planet ! one thing : he has to go up against  terl  the chief of security psychlo  who is played frankly  quite bad by john travolta  whom with dreadlocks  a big head  and green eyes just doesn ', t work . of course the sidekick to terl  is played by ( lol ! ! ) forest whitaker  who looks like a deformed werewolf of some kind . our friendly human johnny ( barry pepper ) looks just as bad as well  with long scraggly hair . i ', m not really sure how to quite explain the badness of this film  except just to say it ', s terrible . everything in this film is imcomprehinsable  from the make - up effects  which by the way aren ', t good  to the phony looking special effects  everything in this film is faulted . in fact i don ', t remember one part in this entire movie where i was having a good time  or enjoying myself . in fact there is no part in the movie that i liked or enjoyed . throughout the entire 127 minute running time  i was dying  constantly looking at my watch  and hoping maybe the projectioner would blow a bulb or something  sadly it didn ', t . my advice to hollywood : get new scripts  new acting classes  better directors and damnit  make films like american beauty more .
neg by phil curtolo " madonna - antonio banderas - jonathan price - in an alan parker film - with music from andrew lloyd weber - and lyrics by tim rice - evita . " now i have to admit  the trailer for this rock - opera - turned - major motion picture is almost breath - taking for some . the soundtrack is wonderful to listen to . so why wouldn ', t the movie be wonderful to see . simple  a little over 2 hours of constant singing can almost drive you insane . the story of eva duarte ( madonna )  evita is full of drama that ', s trapped inside by all the notes and chords . she was an orphaned child who ends up becoming a hooker  then goes into the field of acting  and finally meets juan peron ( price )  the soon - to - be first president of argentina . they fall in love and eventually marry . sounds pretty good  doesn ', t it . well the story gets better  as eva goes on the " rainbow tour " across europe  trying to win respect . eva duarte was a wonderful lady . however  all of the drama - packed moments above were never understood because the actors and actresses sang to fast to be understood . i went into theater 4 at magic cinemas with the attitude that evita was going to be terribly boring and i left with happy  because i was right . they only thing that kept me awake during the movie was the loud bangs of the drums and strums of the guitar . although it did come off as dull  the beautiful cinematography is eye - catching  as was madonna ', s performance . as the " spiritual leader of argentina  " madonna would have definitely been an oscar - contender had she spoken a single line . but her chance was taken away with the stubbornness of making an exact replica of the broadway musical a film . don ', t get me wrong and don ', t look at my grade . i am not a big fan of musicals on the big screen . if you ', re going to pay to see a movie  you want to see a movie . now i have to admit  it ', s a lot cheaper to pay $ 5 than $ 200 plus to see the play  but that ', s what did me in . all this review contains is my opinion and my grade was set before i even saw the movie . now you may be saying  " what kind of critic is he ?  " and you ', re right . as a critic  i should have given the movie a chance . but as a 17 - year old quentin tarantino fan  it was way too hard . ])
neg i have never seen a man so in love with himself than george lucas . with the overt success of the three original star wars films  lucas has become  not necessarily a filmmaker  but the head cheeze at a huge toy company  with the phantom menace the new product on the shelve . only this toy was made for $ 115 million  but every kid wants it  and  like all other expensive toys  falls apart within an hour after playing with it . the product in question  star wars episode 1 : the phantom menace ( jeez ! )  is pure and simple : its about the money  baby ! no one in their right mind would create such a fiasco if they knew it wouldn ', t make a ton of money before its fourth week of release . i come to the sw franchise as a stranger  since i have absolutely no idea why the sw movies are so popular . i find them rather boring and full of nothing but eye candy . phantom menace is like the first sw  minus 10 . nothing in the whole concept is remotely enjoyable . even the special effects seem rather bland . the story in this new one is a mindless mess . . . the acting wooden . . . and the action sequences like something out of a video game . sw : phantom menace is one of the worst films of the year so far . with a title like sw e1 : tpm  lucas has one big head on those shoulders . i thought chris carter did for releasing an x - files movie  although  that movie adaptation was an excellent way to spend two hours . pm is one long headache .
neg an affluent horse breeder ', s past comes up to haunt him ; an ages old cover - up and blackmail comes back to haunt him at the hands of one of his accomplices . that ', s pretty much the essence of the movie and i have to say that it becomes quite boring at times and is very slow . that aside the story was well presented and probably quite close and representative of its source . the acting in particular i found very good  the character development was also quite interesting but alas the story simply did not hold my interest enough for me to get into the movie . a few things about the story didn ', t sit very well with me for example the original scam and cover - up heavily involved the character played by sharon stone  yet in the end her character played a relatively small role and it seems she should have been utilized more to further the story along better . on the flip side the character played by catherine keener i found to be very interesting and i thought that it was developed very well and helped the story a lot . the character ', s aside this movie had some interesting merits but in the end it lacked in story and pacing . as far as the acting and casting for this movie is concerned i have to say that the choices of nick nolte and jeff bridges were great as well as that of catherine keener . all these people acted their parts admirably  as for the part that sharon stone played  she played it well but the part was not utilized enough . the directing for this movie is something that i have to comment on because for once in a long while you see a director actually add a very distinctive flavor to a movie  this is one of those occasions . matthew warchus in my opinion added an interesting touch and spin to the movie and i think he tackled a touch subject ( i myself wouldn ', t be able to look at horseracing and make a movie out of it ) . there is a certain flavor about this movie and i think that the direction of the movie is the reason for this . the one flaw that i do have to comment on is the pacing  the subject matter in my opinion wasn ', t interesting enough on its own to have this kind of flavoring and directorial touch about it . i certainly hope that the director makes more movies as this does show promise even if i myself don ', t like it . all in all i found this movie boring and very slow  the acting was good but the story just didn ', t evolve enough and wasn ', t captivating enough to make simpatico an enjoyable movie to watch . although there is much going for the movie i didn ', t find it good even though i see the merits and style used and can compliment the movie on them . i wouldn ', t recommend this movie to anyone but if you are a horse fanatic or a racing fanatic then you will most likely enjoy this movie .
neg a fullyloaded entertainment review : website coming soon ! hunter s . thompson ', s fear and loathing in las vegas  written in 1971  is already an american classic ; not merely because it was an unadulterated journey through the post - psychedelia of the 1960 ', s  but also because it ushered in a new form of journalism known as " gonzo " . soon after the book was written  hunter s . thomspon became the basis for a character in doonesbury known as uncle duke . and that is the problem with fear and loathing in las vegas ( the movie . ) although the book is one of my favorites  i now agree with thompson ', s own assessment of the novel as " unfilmable . " the main problem is that the book  although detailing wild drug use and tripped - out adventures  was not written on the road . it was written and edited by hunter s . thomspons  relatively sober  at his home . so although the book depicts drug use and still more drug use  it is told with a sense of aloofness and some humor . hunter s . thomspon  the narrator  while always drugged out  still has a grip on reality  and can still tell  with journalistic ability  what is going on around him . not so with the characters in fear and loathing in las vegas . despite name changes and one minor scene from the book dropped  the movie is an exact duplicate of the book  in terms of dialouge . unfortunately  this can get annoying  in the form of johnny depp ', s ( who plays thompson ) excessive narration . and the characters  while having vivid personalities  are played as 2 - d characers on the screen : dr . raoul duke ( johnny depp  the name raoul duke was an alias of thompson ', s ) and his riding companion  dr . gonzo ( benicio del toro )  who is a large samoan lawyer  have no personalities or emotions at all  save for stoned . the film is very faithful to the plot ( what there is ) of the book  in that dr . raoul duke is sent by sports illustrated to cover the mint 400  and takes along not only his samoan lawyer but also car trunk full of drugs . from there  one set of stoned adventures after another happens  including one of the few good scenes in which depp  high on acid  watches all the people in the bar around him turn into  literally  lounge lizards . while the movie has its moments ( few )  it is almost unwatchable at parts  especially towards the end . despite a lot of celebrity cameos  the stars never get off the ground . the set decoration and costumes are great  and probably deserve an oscar nomination . however  as we all know  it ', s not sets or effects that make a movie  its the characters ; and quite frankly  these characters are no good .
neg filmmakers will use all manner of tricks to flesh out and brighten up a dull  dreary  and overused idea . doug liman ( swingers )  director of the ultra - hip and severely dark comedy go  is an example of just such a filmmaker . in his latest  he gives the viewers a raucous  neon - lit backdrop as cinematographer and points the audience down a drug - infested path of misadventure as director . but he fails to come up with any parallel structure in his multi - tiered movie and he fails to connect with the audience on any level  bringing the worth of his efforts to nil and the value of go to about the same . his movie is produced anthology - style -- telling the same story from multiple ( three ) points of view  much as an author might write a serial novel . consistent with this ethic  liman and screenwriter john august provide a bit of an overlap at the beginning of each narrative and insert brief connections to other narratives . the thread that laces the three stories together is a drug deal and the events thereafter . in story a we have checkout clerk ronna ( sarah polley ) looking to score some rent money and turning to drug trafficking to do it ; in story b we have regular drug dealer simon ( desmond askew ) gone to las vegas giving ronna her opportunity ; and in story c we have gay soap actors zack ( jay mohr ) and adam ( scott wolf ) working undercover for the police to bust said drug deal . neither of the three stories have much substance  and the movie has the feel of a campfire story ( albeit a rather strange one ) that could be told in five to ten minutes . ( in fact  the movie was originally a short film entitled x expanded to feature length . ) the early april release date is too mistimed to capitalize on the movie ', s christmas setting  and the los angeles / las vegas nightlife is something too far from the mainstream for most theater - goers to attach themselves to . the characters are shallow to the point of prerequisite  and performances from little - known players like polley  askew  and taye diggs don ', t help or hurt the roles . in fact  even bigger names like mohr  wolf  and katie holmes don ', t have enough time to make substantial success . although that ', s almost expected for lack of continuous screen time  the success in the picture should come from a thread that binds the stories . go doesn ', t have this  and it suffers because of it . as far as teen movies are concerned  go represents the absolute bottom  for its constant stream of indecipherable light and sound mean nothing without some sort of common theme . ( the following do not count as common themes : drug deals  people attempting to have romantic interludes with drug dealers  people resorting to drug deals for alterior motives  or people not involved in drug deals stumbling into them . ) at times  the humor in go is sickly funny  and on a low night  almost watchable ; but for the majority of its running time and for most viewers  this movie will best be left to teens at blockbuster on a saturday night .
neg i feel sorry for the financial backers of " waterworld  " which is supposedly the most expensive film ever made ( at $ 172 million ! )  and is also one of the stupidest - boy did they get ripped off ! in fact  this film is not really a movie  but more of an amusement park ride with a plot . it ', s not even just another case of cliches strung together ( well  it is that too )  it ', s something that ', s painful to watch because it relishes in its flaws . kevin costner stars as a man who is some kind of mutant half man / half fish . he is an explorer / mariner on an alternate earth that is completely covered by water because the polar ice caps melted . he ', s referred to as the mariner  but they " the meaner " would have been a more appropriate title because he ', s cold  rigid  and strict - and he ', s supposed the be the good guy ! he docks at a small floating village of sorts . he trades dirt for money and this introduces us to the other important characters . first we meet one of the villains  then the soon - to - be heroine  a child prodigy  a wacky inventor  and a group of primitive people that somehow have some of the technology we have today  but also some of the low - tech tools used by pirates and vikings . immediately the film ', s biggest flaw is apparent : are these people primitive or highly advanced ? it doesn ', t seem like anyone can read yet they have ski - doos and airplanes ! how are these things powered ? and if they have airplanes  couldn ', t they just keep flying until they reached dry land ? also  if the planet is completely covered in water where did they get the materials to make these things ? i ', m sorry  i ', m all for checking your brain at the door when going to the movies  but elements like these cannot go unnoticed because they draw our attention away from the story and confuse us . there was potential here for a good pirate story set in medieval times before modern technology  so why mix the two together ? it doesn ', t make any sense . there really isn ', t much of a plot here because the story moves so quickly it never takes time to explain anything . the only thing we learn is that the prodigy child  enola ( mojorino )  has a tattoo on her back that is supposedly a map to " dryland . " who put the tattoo there and how come it has taken them this long to figure this out ? we never get an answer  just a stupid action movie about whoever can get the girl will be the victor of sorts if they reach dryland . to make a long  boring  stupid  and just plain bad story short ; the mariner escapes with a woman named helen ( tripplehorn ) and enola . they sail for a long time  encountering some strange people in the process and fight off " the smokers " as lead by the idiot villain deacon ( hopper )  who kidnaps enola . the story becomes a overly grand adventure with the mariner taking on an army of goons  rescuing enola  and bringing them all to salvation ( how original ) . even with all its special effects  action  and adventure this film is boring . not a single character is likable  therefore neither is the plot . dennis hopper completely rips off jack nicholson ', s joker  while costner just plain rips . still  " waterworld " is professionally made with a good production design and an original idea but no substance to it . i just hope they don ', t make a sequel !
neg to watch ` battlefield earth ', is to wallow in misery . it is one of the most ludicrously conceived efforts in recent history . it has a clumsily told story  insipid dialogue  shallow characterizations  ugly scene transitions  no evidence of dramatic arc  headache - inducing sound effects  and a resolution that is completely implausible . worse  there ', s the promise of a sequel . why ? ! save your money . some films go quickly to video . this one  however  should go straight to the sci - fi channel ', s ` mystery science theatre . ', in the year 3000  man has become an endangered species . most of humanity ( called ? man - animals ', ) was destroyed generations ago in a battle against a race of plundering aliens ( called psychlos ) . survivors have either taken up shelter in caves or were enslaved to mine earth ', s resources for the rest of their lives . the aliens are a menacing looking humanoid species that stand nine - feet tall  who resemble inbred klingons . dimwitted as they are tall  their culture is predicated on power  extortion  and getting ? leverage . ', travolta  the leverage - using star  plays terl  the conniving security chief that oversees the mining facility on earth . much of the movie is spent showing us examples of terl ', s petty machinations . he routinely employs deception and then punctuates his statements with maniacal laughter . but one thing is certain ; he hates being stationed on earth . when the home planet informs him that he will be spending the rest of his life on this planet  he begins to devise his latest plan . he will select a group of slaves to secretly mine out a gold ore site . it ', s not clear how this benefits terl  except that it makes him richer in a place where he has no use for it . the scrappy jonnie goodboy tyler ( barry peppers ) is selected as the slave group ', s leader . a psychlo knowledge machine gives him the mining know - how . but the machine also teaches him other things such as the psychlo language  the principles of our founding fathers  euclidean geometry  and the location of fort knox . this enlightenment just doesn ', t prepare him for the mining assignment . it also prepares him to organize and stage a massive revolt against their captors . ` we ', re going to blow up their home world  ', he says . ` but first  we need a few more supplies . ', in days  he and his comrades evolve from cave dwelling  loincloth wearing  rat eating slaves to fighter pilots and nuclear weapons experts . by now  the audience is laughing as maniacally as terl . the media have been working overtime to let the public know that john travolta ', s labor of love is a piece of sci - fi drivel . numerous journals have called it an ill - conceived idea stemming from blind hubris  arrogance  and poor planning . and after watching this movie  you ', ll wholeheartedly agree . this is a terrible film that is illogically constructed  tediously acted  and frequently begs the question : why was this ever made ? at a price tag of $ 90 million  this film will be remembered as a gigantic folly  assuredly becoming ` the avengers ', of this summer . both films were unforgivable and this promises to suffer the same speedy fate and subsequent indignity . in addition to the universally pejorative reviews  there ', s another bizarre element to the ` battlefield ', saga . this film would never have been made if not for the star power of travolta  who for over a decade  had been trying to persuade studios to bring the story to the big screen . the controversy is that travolta is a scientologist  and ` battlefield ', is based on a 1982 novel by l . ron hubbard  the religion ', s late founder . this led some to believe that ` battlefield earth ', would amount to scientologist dogma  laden with subliminal messages . but the story is so poorly told that any message  subliminal or otherwise  is totally undetectable . if the audience got anything out of this film  it was this : we are not too unlike the psychlo leader . like terl  the audience felt imprisoned  dreaded their situation  and looked for any opportunity to leave . could that be the scientology message ?
neg " you can ', t have any of this . it ', s all mine ! " --- a twisted priest ( charles huevelman ) hordes his tasty fried chicken while dana ( angela zimmerly ) looks on uninterested . an evil presence  appropriately named the presence ( dj vivona )  rules over an alternate dimension where neither angels nor demons can touch him . for kicks  the presence likes to trick a human into rounding up five of his or her friends so they can all be sent to his dimension and be systematically slaughtered . when something goes wrong and one of the presence ', s recent victims escapes  the angels and demons are alerted to his existence and feel he is a threat that needs to be stopped . they enlist the help of alison ( ramona midgett )  a recent suicide victim  to return to the flesh and follow the six new enlistees through the ice wall that surrounds the the nether - realm . her mission is to melt away the ice barrier and allow the angels and demons access by reminding the presence of who he once was  an ancient court jester named abraham who lost his job when his king and queen were killed . the king ', s sorcerer  amblyn ( who also lost his job )  decided to take abraham under his wing as an apprentice . during the downtime in his unemployment  amblyn decided to create a new dimension where sorcery  evil  and torture ruled . abraham wished to follow his master into this new realm  so he was asked to show his devotion to the evil wizard by murdering his one true love . in this new realm  amblyn would allow abraham to pursue the sport of hunting and destroying the humans that would be brought to this realm . after each murder  abraham would become stronger  until his power surpassed that of amblyn ', s . because of the screw - up that allowed the recent escape  abraham was able to destroy his master and take control of the realm himself . as alison quests to find abraham and show him the errors of his ways  the six new hapless humans are allowed to live out their worst nightmares and then be brutally murdered . if there ', s one thing i can ', t stand when i see a film  it ', s when the film is pretentious and arty just for the sake of being pretentious and arty . films like eraserhead and begotten are two of the worst examples of this  and now ice from the sun can be added to this list . this film is essentially an 80 minute stalk - and - slash film ( following the dante ', s inferno idea that your hell corresponds to how you lived your life or any one of the plots to nightmare on elm street 3 through 6 ) intercut with almost 40 minutes of strange and ( supposedly ) haunting images  many of which serve more to confuse than to further the plot . if there aren ', t bizarre images floating past the screen  then we get pointless shots of a suicidal alison staring at her breakfast for minutes at a time or contemplating whether or not she should answer her phone . compelling  but ultimately not . the opening credits sequence is designed like a music video for some unknown industrial band featuring various random images from the film interspersed with other random images . the credits run the entire length of the song which is almost five minutes and the actual cast listing and other credit information doesn ', t pop up until near the end of the sequence . when the opening credits began i thought my vcr had accidentally cut off and a interstitial from mtv2 had found its way to my tv . at least the music in the film is pretty decent  made up of mostly industrial and hard rock music and even features a song by ramona midgett . at the beginning of the film it is established that the presence possesses supernatural powers like shooting bullets out of the palms of his hands and decapitating people by waving his hand in front of them ( and he talks like a darth vader clone without the heavy breathing ) . for some reason though  he delegates all of his main stalkings to what seems like the supporting cast of deliverance . one over - alled cretin handles the presence ', s gravedigging and likes to chop peoples heads off with his shovel  then there ', s an inbred father ( dwight spurgin ) and his two inbred children ( mark kettler and jennifer poirrier - wallace ) that take care of a young woman who has been transformed into a half dog - half human mix with a shotgun  and of course a big truck driving guy that likes to tie people up naked to the back of his vehicle and drag them across stone roads before pouring salt all over their wounds . why would you want to give responsibilities to a bunch of " rednecks " when you yourself had all of these cool powers ? and how is it that the fellow that screws over all of his buddies is able to round up exactly five friends to complete the number of people required to enter the realm at exactly the same time ? i can barely get more than two together all at once at any given moment . the most ridiculous segment though comes right before the aforementioned dragging / salting sequence . the character in question  dana ( angela zimmely )  has her turn up to be killed and is standing at the front of a movie theater in which the presence is seated . a priest holding two naked dirty humans on leashes walks in and sits down next to a large platter of fried chicken . he picks up the entire platter and starts to enjoy the chicken  taunting dana as she looks on with no interest whatsoever . when she starts to leave  the priest chides her for going before the performance starts and then something that looks like a either a creature from a gwar show or a terry gilliam animation from monty python come to life  walks out  and makes like it wants to be crucified by her . the presence starts to clap annoyingly ( which continues for the rest of the sequence ) until dana takes off with the strange creature following her . when it finally catches up to her  she stabs it in its giant eyeball and is covered in slimy glop that spurts from the ruptured organ . the box for the film claims " because of the horrifying nature of the motion picture  parental discretion is advised for persons under the age of 18 . contains nudity and graphic violence " . while both is certainly true  there doesn ', t seem to be much of either in any large amounts . besides a loving close up of a spurting neck stump  a semi - graphic self - surgery scene  and two instances of head trauma ( one run over and one melting )  most of the gore is just of the spraying blood or bloody wound covered body variety . as for nudity  it is very sparse  but at least we get to see angela zimmerly ( far and away the most attractive cast member ) before her body is bruised  torn  and bloodied by the dragging incident . ice from the sun has been released on vhs by www . b - movie . com . it has been presented in in full - frame only and the transfer ( for a film shot a good deal in 8mm ) is pretty decent . besides the decent soundtrack ( which is also available from www . b - movie . com )  a making - of video is also available called on thin ice . i haven ', t had the opportunity to see the documentary  but i actually would have been interested to see what the set was like while all of the shots were being filmed  if only to see how director eric stanze ( director of a similar cult film called savage harvest )  conducted the atmosphere on set .
neg an 80 - year old woman jumps enthusiastically on her couch  wearing tight - fitting leather  as she cheers on her favorite tv wrestler by calling his opponent a ` pump - bitch ', . two men messily eat fast food as their septic truck leaks raw sewage directly behind them . and roughly 17 people are booted in the crotch . welcome to ` ready to rumble ', . judging from the fact that potty - mouth adam sandler is the reigning box - office comedy champion  you realize -- albeit while shaking your head -- that yes  there is an audience for this sort of thing . ladies and gentlemen  i weep for society . mind you  when executed with style and comic ingenuity  jokes like an alarming bodily fluid mistaken for hair gel ( ` there ', s something about mary ', ) and a laxative - induced attack of explosive diarrhea ( ` dumb and dumber ', ) can be extremely funny . unfortunately  ` ready to rumble ', is not being helmed by the farrelly brothers  nor is it bolstered by a script that accommodates the viewer with anything even remotely clever or inspired . ` ready to rumble ', is built around the dedicated fan - base of professional wrestling . . . . which  in fact  sounded like a fine concept for a goofball comedy . but director brian robbins and screenwriter steven brill handcuff themselves  and limited to a stampede of asinine  humdrum bathroom humor  basically the only thing they manage is to evoke memories of pauly shore and ` bio dome ', . gordie boggs ( david arquette ) and sean dawkins ( scott caan ) take pride in being hardcore wcw wrestling fanatics . by day  they transport raw sewage . by night ( particularly on ? nitro ', monday )  they pay homage to their personal hero and savior - jimmy king ( oliver platt )  the undisputed leader of the professional wrestling community . with two tickets to an upcoming nitro performance  gordie and sean are psyched about witnessing the king defend his title first - hand . but unscrupulous boxing kingpin titus sinclair ( joe pantoliano  sporting long hair and cowboy boots ) has other plans . sinclair is plotting to have diamond dallas page ( playing himself ) pummel the king into the tarp  thereby dethroning the dignified wrestler and embarrassing him in front of a bewildered auditorium full of fans . gordie and sean are shocked  rioting madly while arguing ` this isn ', t even a pay - per view event ! ! ', they take it upon themselves to track the king down and supply the encouragement essential for their fallen idol to make a come - back attempt . along the way  you can expect a lot of sh -- jokes as well . you may find something to like in ` ready to rumble ', if a ) you are a rasslin ', aficionado yourself  or b ) you are a dedicated fan of the lowest of low - brow comedies . i welcome low - brow humor with open arms - that is  if its fresh and resourceful . ` rumble ', is nothing but a sloppy  frightfully unfunny swamp land of misbegotten retardation . the first half - hour is the ultimate test of patience . luckily  the simple - minded events pick up steam  particularly with the well - choreographed wrestling action . director robbins showed a knack for capturing the brutality and excitement of football in ` varsity blues ',  and when in the ring  he does professional work . but the violence is too excessive . having the fake soap opera of wcw wrestling turn into a bloody skirmish brings back unfortunate memories of owen hart ', s tragic accident just last year  especially with one character ', s dive during a cage match . this is not something you want a comedy to be reminiscent of . outside the wrestling action  the lewd jokes and puerile sight gags bring new meaning to the term ? scattershot ',  while the dialogue fluctuates in on the vulgarity scale of 1 to 10  with brill ', s extensive vocabulary ranging from ` diddly ', to ` boob ', and so on . the final tally : i chuckled a few times  groaned a lot  and indulged in one spirited belly laugh involving martin landau as a geriatric wrestling coach who fights pretty impressively for 105 . casting - wise  ` ready to rumble ', is an odd duck . oliver platt as a champion wrestling figure ? he ', s perhaps a bit chunky  but fellow wrestlers acknowledge this in the ring by calling him ` fatty ',  which dampens the blow i suppose . rose mcgowan is fully disposable as a sultry wcw cheerleader ( ` the nirto - est of the nitro girls  ', proclaims gordie )  but extra pep is added with appearances by wrestlers goldberg  ` macho man ', randy savage and sting ( among others ) . wcw fans are sure to appreciate these . others . . . well  won ', t . i found merit in david arquette ', s bountiful energy as gordie  which brings me to my finishing . . . . ahhh . . . . ` praise ', for the film : in ` ready to rumble ',  i have discovered something even more annoying than arquette ', s ` at & t ', television commercials . now there ', s a low blow for you .
neg it ', s a rare treat when a quality horror film is released in the theater . and unfortunately with man ', s best friend  we ', ll be waiting a while longer . the film stars ally sheedy and lance henrikson in a tale of bio - genetics gone wrong . sheedy plays a nosy reporter whose need for a " good " story provokes her to snoop inside of emax  a poorly guarded million dollar bio - lab that she finds herself effortlessly intruding . the result : she unleashes the experimental wonder dog named max  a german shepherd with genetic recombination allowing it to swallow like a snake  camouflage like a chameleon  climb trees like a leopard  and attack with the strength of tiger . max takes a liking to sheedy  and she finds herself protecting the animal from the cruel technological realm of emax  owned by henrikson . well  it doesn ', t take long before the hormonally unstable biohazard unleashes his jowls upon the unsuspecting suburban landscape which offers max juicy leg of mailman  etc . . . sheedy is a boring non - presence on the screen  tripping through the enormous plot chasms neglected by the writer / director ( i apologize for a lack of credits . i suppose i was eager to leave the theater  and in my rush  forgot to take note of the director  writer  producer  etc . . . ) . henrikson offered the only relief from the contrived narration of the script  giving his character as much development as he could considering the flat dialogue plaguing the film . the movie depends upon it ', s ability to impress the audience with animal special effects  but all it presents is a dog that can growl  open door handles with his paw  sit  roll over  play dead  and sick . the rest of the special effects were so poor  i found them offensive . the film attains sub - mediocrity  an unambitious film at best . horror fans might find that cujo offers a better bite .
neg joe versus the volcano is really one of the worse movies made in very recent memory . the strangest thing is that you would think nothing would go wrong with it . it has a solid cast with tom hanks & meg ryan as the lead roles . but you can never judge a movie by its cast . . . if there is one good thing about joe vs the volcano  it is that the plot is original . unfortunately  it is also incredibly stupid . the movie begins with joe ( tom hanks ) going to work . this opening sequence is very boring and slow . it shows joe walking to his office . but on the way  he has to wait in a long line passing by strange and slightly depressing scenery with obnoxious lighting . a sequence like this should take 2 minutes . here  it takes over 5 . . . it is obvious that joe hates his job . at his office  one of his co - workers is meg ryan . oddly enough  she plays 3 different roles in this movie ! ! joe leaves to go to a doctor ', s appointment . his doctor informs him that he has a " brain cloud . " this means that in a few months  he will die . so what does joe do ? quit his job  of course ! ! when he arrives home  joe meets an old man named graynamore ( lloyd bridges ) . graynamore tells joe that in order to get some important mineral for his company from an island  the natives need someone to sacrifice to their volcano to please their fire god . by a startling coincidence  the boat trip to the island takes a few months . by the time he reaches the island  he will almost be dead from the " brain cloud " anyway  so joe agrees . graynamore gives joe a credit card to buy everything he needs to go on this " great adventure " . joe goes on a date with meg ryan  his co - worker . the day before the boat trip  joe meets one of graynamore ', s daughters . she is also  surprise  meg ryan . except she looks more hippyish . they both have dinner and the next day  joe gets driven over to his boat . the lady that sails the boat is another one of graynamore ', s daughters . and  wonder of wonders  she is also played by meg ryan . as they sail to the island  meg ryan tells joe that the natives of the island have a craving for orange soda . after some stupid talking scenes  they also deduce that graynamore had his doctor be the one that joe went to . and that the " brain cloud " thing was made up ! ! they do plently of cheap special effects on the boat voyage . joe goes fishing and catches a hammerhead shark . this is a cheap gag that has been pulled off many times . but  to top it off  the shark is obviously rubber and fake ! ! one night there is a storm . a cheap - looking lightning bolt strikes the boat and everything is cast overboard . fortunately  joe and meg ryan manage to find some of the luggage that joe brought to sail . by pure luck  they get to the island . since the natives like orange soda  they wear soda cans as attire ! ! stupid or what ? ; ) before joe leaps in the volcano  he gets fed . right before he jumps  meg ryan pleads him not to . when joe decides to  she goes in with him because " she loves him " . now this is where the movie should end . but  unfortunately  the " cheesy ending " bug comes in . the volcano blows the couple out and into the ocean where they land on joe ', s luggage . they float to another part of the island as they watch lava pouring out of the volcano towards the villagers . i give this movie a . see it only if you ', re a film buff that enjoys a bad movie every now and then or if you really like tom hanks or meg ryan . . .
neg " be gentle  " urges natasha henstridge to matthew perry in " the whole nine yards . " " i haven ', t made love in five years . " " neither have i  " rebuts perry . " i ', m married ! " if jonathan lynn ', s latest comedy relied simply on jokes of that caliber -- and it certainly tries -- then it ', d be an innocuous if rather obvious little film . instead  its failings go much deeper . first off  who hasn ', t had enough of the tough wiseguy intimidates the timid wise guy genre ? if you want to make a pretty penny or two in hollywood nowadays simply write a " comedy " which pairs a robert de niro / james caan / bruce willis type with a billy crystal / hugh grant / matthew perry type and wait for the royalties to roll in . who ', s next ? jack nicholson and martin short ? it certainly doesn ', t have to be funny . " the whole nine yards " is not a particularly funny film  but it is borderline offensive . offensive in the way it continues a trend of poking fun at career criminals who wouldn ', t think twice about pushing your mother - in - law off the brooklyn bridge with her feet encased in concrete . that might sound like a funny sight gag  but the problem is these films have long since lost sight of the fact that taking a human life isn ', t all that funny to begin with . when the corpse is placed in a car  doused with gasoline  set ablaze and referred to as " barbecue  " it makes you wonder when all this playing killing for laughs is going to end . " the whole nine yards " is also offensive in so much as its three central female characters are portrayed as nothing more than sex objects . rosanna arquette plays a slutty  chain - smoking french canadian who ', s married to matthew perry ', s none - too - successful dentist . it ', s an unflattering role made all the more so by the unflattering outfits -- and unflattering situations -- into which arquette is thrust . then there ', s natasha henstridge ( " species " i and ii ) who plays the well - to - do wife of contract killer bruce willis . she gets involved with perry ', s character when he comes to chicago hoping to negotiate a finder ', s fee with mob boss yanni gogolack ( kevin pollack  transposing his vs with his ws ) after willis ', jimmy the tulip tudeski moves in next door . henstridge and perry ', s characters hitting it off is about as likely as bruce and demi getting back together . perry might have the charm but he doesn ', t have the physical attributes of a traditional leading man  especially in close - up . most objectified of the bunch is amanda peet  who turns in a sexually - ripe performance as perry ', s dental assistant with  it transpires  questionable career goals . peet ', s gratuitous nude scene proves how low this movie will stoop to keep its audience from dropping off . when " my cousin vinny " is the highpoint of a directorial career including such forgettable films as " clue  " " greedy  " and " sgt . bilko  " you have to wonder if lynn chose the wrong career path . perry ', s pratfalling goofiness coupled with willis ', likable hardness could have had some potential but with no script to work with  and a director who seems to be watching from the wings  their characters run out of gas quickly .
neg " flubber " is the second best example of how to take all the life out of a film remake an adaptation  and hysterically enough both were distributed by disney . it ', s the kind of film that may be slightly entertaining to tiny kids  but anyone else will feel left out as it ', s boring  slow  and incredibly lifeless . what could be a film with cinematic magic is instead dead in the water  and it ', s a shame because it could have been a great film . hypothetically  i mean . " flubber  " as you probably know  is a remake of the disney classic i never saw  " the absent minded professor  " where a  well  absent minded professor played by fred mcmurray created an erratic substance known as " flubber  " you know  flying rubber ? the new one keeps the basic plot  but appears to have added a lot else  like more absent - mindedness on the part of the proffessor  some more villains  and several " show - stopping " moments  like a big rumba with the flubber  and some more elaborate setups  none which really make it any better  but instead make it worse . the basic plot revolves around a college professor  philip brainerd ( robin williams )  who creates lots and lots of inventions  but is sadly absent minded . in fact  he ', s forgotten his wedding to the college ', s president  sara jean reynolds ( indie actress marcia gay harden )  two times before he forgets it again at the beginning . doesn ', t this warrant some kind of mental treatment ? anyway  on his wedding day ( the third one )  he invents the flubber  which not only bounces off of everything like a super ball on speed  but can also change shape like the aliens in water form in " the abyss . " philip believes that this invention  once fully realized  will save his college  which is in threat of being shut down by a millionaire tycoon / villain  chester hoenicker ( raymond j . barry )  which is ironically enough the same college his brat son ( will wheaton - thought he was dead ) goes to . through a plot twist  hoenicker ', s goons  named smith and wesson ( ha ha - what a great sense of humor this film has ) who are played by clancy brown and ted levine ( both who needed the pay check )  discover it the hard way  and try to steal for hoenicker  who wants it just ', cause he ', s evil enough . a sub - plot involves philip ', s attempts to win back sara  who ', s angry at him ( and with good reason )  but who is being seduced by who is basically philip ', s belloq  wilson croft ( christopher mcdonald  playing the hysterically suave - yet - unsuave asswhole once again ) . and in another subplot  philip ', s day - timer robot  weebo ( voiced by the one - and - only jodi benson )  falls in love with him . yuckity - yuck . what ', s most pathetic about this film is how dull it is . you don ', t need to be a cynical college student to be able to see right through this film  which is another in a long line of cheap attempts at making a quick buck by disney  who have essentially become the puff daddy of the film industry  half - assedly re - mixing classics ( or non - classics ) for distribution to the general public  who sadly eats it all up . earlier in ', 97  they released " jungle 2 jungle  " an adaptation of a really awful french film  " un indien dans la ville  " which  yeah  improved over the original  but not by much . disney ', s in about as bad shape as warner brothers right now  only creatively . in the rush to ship out a film for distribution  disney has forgotten to give this film a little thing called " magic . " such scenes as dancing flubber  a flying car  a basketball team that pretty much sucks flying all around thanks to some carefully placed flubber  and an elaborate ending all fail to amaze  delight  or even cause people to laugh . i sat there the entire film stone faced  chuckling perhaps twice  and shaking my head at all the bad jokes . who could really laugh at a scene where philip enters the wrong classroom and starts teaching chemistry ? didn ', t think so . it doesn ', t help that our protagonist is essentially unfunny or even really respectable . philip is not a lovable absent minded professory  just a really dumb man being played by robin williams . williams is a brilliant comic actor . . . okay  a brilliant actor in general  but here he ', s given very little to do but occasionally get hyper over something  and other times act sad . those times  he ', s not bad . but what are we supposed to think of a man who ', s forgotten his wedding thrice ? maybe it was funny and / or respectable in the 60s . . . i like disney  and i usually enjoy their films  not only animated but live action  and their recent films ( save for " hercules  " which was good  but not great ) have been worse than lackluster  they ', ve been pathetic . " jungle 2 jungle " is probably the worst film i saw last year . " flubber " ', s probably second . what do they need to do ? perhaps create something new . get writers who can write something that ', s universally entertaining . films like " the parent trap " and " mary poppins " are films that are live action ( or in the latter case a mix of both )  but even i can still watch them because they ', re not only written to be magical to children  but to be fun to adults . what ', s more torturous that taking a child to a film that insults you and annoys you at every turn ? and my god  couldn ', t they have done something else with edie mcclurg ?
neg i ', m going to start this review off with a hypothetical question . let ', s say you ', ve just been in a car accident  and the driver of the other vehicle is unconscious . your friends have left to go get help  and you ', re waiting to see if the victim wakes up . a tow - truck comes along  and the driver hops out of the truck to see what ', s going on . he then proceeds to kill the unconscious victim by snapping his neck . do you : a ) run away screaming for your life  staying away from the main road  b ) run away ( but not too fast ) and stay on the main road even when the madman in the truck starts following you  * stop * to catch your breath  try to negotiate with the psycho  and when that fails  start running away again  all the while * staying on the main road * ? if you answered " a "  you are far more intelligent than the screenwriter of " texas chainsaw massacre : the next generation " and will likely hate this movie . however  if you answered " b "  prepare to enjoy a film made with idiots like you in mind ! " texas chainsaw massacre : the next generation " is being called a sequel  but it ', s really more of a remake of the original . there ', s a few changes here and there  but it ', s essentially the same ( even the infamous " meathook " scene has been re - created . ) the story opens with four teenagers hitting the road on the night of their prom  and somehow ending up in the middle of nowhere . needless to say  they soon encounter leatherface and his nutty family . much carnage ensues . to call this movie inept would be putting it mildly . in addition to the laughably idiotic situation i mentioned in my hypothetical question  there is a moment towards the end of the film where one of the baddies is killed by an airplane that literally comes out of nowhere . it just swoops down and kills him with its wheel . no explantion is given as to who was flying it or why he / she is going around killing people with the planes wheel . the dialogue is even more atrocious . zellwegger  who is kidnapped by " the family " early on  keeps trying to have normal conversations with these people . when you ', re surrounded by maniacs wielding chainsaws and dead corpses  i would think that rationality would go out the window . speaking of going out the window  there is a scene in which zellwegger jumps out a window . apparently  the stunt double had a little trouble  because she visibly gets stuck in the window . the director quickly cuts to a wide shot where the stunt double * doesn ', t * get caught in the window . this was one of many glaring inconsistencies . there are so many  in fact  that if i were to name them all  this review would be several pages long . the only reason i am giving this movie one star instead of no stars is because of matthew mcconaughey . he plays a member of " the family " with a hydraulic leg ( home - made  i might add ) and is so completely over - the - top  you can ', t help but be amazed by his performance . he obviously had a lot of fun with this part  and it really shows . he makes jack nicholson ', s portrayal of the psychotic inn keeper in " the shining " look restrained in comparison . for a horror movie  " texas chainsaw massacre : the next generation " contains surprisingly little gore . in fact  in contains none . there ', s a little blood here and there  but that ', s as far as it goes . which leads me to believe that the budget must have been * astonishingly * low  and it shows . everything about the movie looks cheap  from the sets to the costumes . especially leatherface . once frightening and nightmare inducing  he ', s now as terrifying as dame edna . do yourself a favor and take a pass at this remake . check out the far superior original instead .
neg susan granger ', s review of " session 9 " ( usa films ) sometimes you just get more than your bargained for . . . like when boston - based hazmat elimination  run by scottish actor peter mullan and his trusty assistant  david caruso  assures a town engineer ( paul guilifoyle ) that they can remove insidious asbestos fibers from a victorian hospital facility in a week . erected in 1871  deserted and decomposing since 1985  the danvers mental hospital  is one of the most malevolent " locations " ever chosen for a film . the structure is so massive - with its labyrinth of rubble - strewn corridors  collapsing floors  stagnant pools of water  isolation cells  and ominous surgical chambers where experimental pre - frontal lobotomies were performed - that their task seems impossible within that time frame . and each member of their inexperienced crew ( stephan gevedon  brandon sexton iii  and josh lucas ) is coping with his own personal demons as  one by one  their minds seem to be affected by the grim areas in which they ', re working . the film ', s title is derived from salvaged reel - to - reel audio - recorded sessions involving the demonic possession of a young woman who is suffering from multiple personalities . by the time session 9 occurs so do dreadful disasters . filmmaker brad anderson obviously envisioned this as a gruesome chainsaw - massacre - type ghost story but the script lacks structure and isn ', t particularly scary . the conclusion is more ludicrous than convincing . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " session 9 " is a dark  gloomy 4 . silly me . . . at first  i thought that the original name of the danvers lunatic asylum bore some reference to mrs . danvers  the creepy housekeeper played by judith anderson in alfred hitchcock ', s truly terrifying " rebecca " that also involved a cavernous mansion called manderley .
neg by the time dennis quaid  the ostensible star of switchback  makes his first appearance at about the 22 - minute mark  you may find yourself wondering why he bothered . after all  writer / director jeb stuart has already set up a fairly promising pair of parallel story lines . the first finds amarillo  texas sheriff buck olmstead ( r . lee ermey ) facing a hotly - contested election battle just as a brutal double homicide is discovered at a motel in his jurisdiction . as olmstead begins his investigation  we also meet the two men who come to be our prime suspects . lane dixon ( jared leto ) is an enigmatic young hitchhiker ; bob goodall ( danny glover ) is the jovial motorist who offers lane a ride from texas to his utah destination . all the necessary conflicts seem to be in place -- the internal struggle of olmstead over the clash between good politics and good police work  and the external struggle as one of the two travelers eventually becomes villain to the other ', s protagonist . but then quaid shows up as grimly determined fbi agent frank lacrosse . lacrosse is certain that the amarillo murders are the work of a serial killer he has been tracking for nearly two years . he ', s not supposed to be tracking him any more -- according to the bureau  they ', ve got their man -- but lacrosse has a very important reason for believing otherwise . two months earlier  lacrosse ', s own son was kidnapped by the killer  and the boy has yet to turn up anywhere . lacrosse knows his killer ', s work  and he knows that the man is still out there somewhere trying to continue their game . it wouldn ', t be fair to reduce everything that ', s wrong with switchback to quaid ', s presence  but it ', s a pretty good place to start . there ', s a reason lacrosse feels like an intruder in the narrative instead of its vital center : as a dramatic actor  dennis quaid possesses exactly one facial expression and one vocal intonation . we can tell lacrosse is determined because his face is a perpetual tight - jawed  sourpuss pucker ; we can tell he ', s grim because every word comes out in an eastwood - esque rasp . a more flexible performer might have given weight to the character  pulling the audience into his haunted intensity  making switchback _his_ film . quaid merely looks annoyed and slightly constipated . it ', s tough to become emotionally invested in a character ', s turmoil when it looks like all he really needs is a big bowl of bran flakes . even without quaid  it doesn ', t appear that switchback would have stayed on course . the early scenes between leto and glover have a lively energy  building our curiosity over which man -- the taciturn kid or his gregarious benefactor -- is the real threat . unfortunately  stuart tips his hand far too early in the game  both through the pitch of the individual performances and the facts he chooses to reveal . once the mystery of the killer ', s identity is dispatched  the interaction between leto and glover becomes stale and predictable . in fact  " stale and predictable " describes the direction that switchback takes in general  falling back on far - too - common hollywood devices like cats jumping out of nowhere  a climactic fistfight on board a freight train  and edgy law enforcement agents . it ', s too bad stuart wasn ', t willing to spend more time with sheriff olmstead  far and away the most interesting and appealing character in the film . played with atypical restraint by r . lee ermey  he ', s a wonderful  unconventional hero who seems genuinely comfortable accepting the consequences of acting on his convictions . a film focusing on the olmstead would have signaled a film - maker willing to take a few risks with his casting and story - telling . instead  stuart places his trust in a " name " star who can ', t carry the material . maybe next time he ', ll throw away that one crucial page in the script  the one where the grimly determined fbi agent wanders onto the scene to muck up a perfectly good story .
neg gregg araki ', s the doom generation was possibly the very worst film ever made . so why did i see his latest teen bisexual angst opus ? first of all  some of the reviews were fairly positive . also  the cast  consisting of cameos from dozens of washed up ex tv stars ( including christopher knight  eve plumb  shannen doherty  and david leisure ) was promising . last of all  i wanted to give arraki one more chance . i mean  the guy can ', t be that untalented  can he ? the answer to that question is three letters long . nowhere follows the character dark on his wild and odd journey through los angeles . since arraki doesn ', t know how to make anything coherent  it ', s hard to describe the plot . let ', s just say that dark spends the bulk of the movie whining that his girlfriend won ', t make a commitment to him and jealous because she sleeps around with other guys and girls . the only remotely compelling storyline involves sarah lassez as a teen who has a chance encounter with a famous tv star . he turns out to be a nice guy who doesn ', t care for fame and wishes he could walk down the street without being mobbed by fans . this story has a shocking twist and a tragic end that i did not see coming . it is the first time i ever felt any compassion for a character created by arraki  and this can be attributed to the appealing performance of lassez . i thought maybe arraki was improving in his craft . he works better with the camera this time around  especially in the early scenes . halfway through the film  i didn ', t necessarily find myself enjoying the film  but it seemed like a considerable improvement on the doom generation . then as the movie went on  arraki loses all sensibility and introduces us to exploding heads  twisted sex games  and alien abductions . it ', s sad  because he almost actually had some decent material here  but he ruined it with his usual in your face " i ', m such a renegade maverick filmmaker  look what i can do " attitude . the performances are generally better than in the doom generation  which isn ', t saying much . at least we don ', t have to suffer jonathan " i am the most hideous man in america " schaech . we are  however treated to another round of james " i ', m more wooden than keanu " duval . sarah lassez gives the best performance in the film  and kathleen robertson ( formerly of 90210 and now arraki ', s wife ) and rachel true are talented actresses caught up in this mess . of the tv star cameos  john ritter is the most interesting as a deranged right wing tv evangelist . if i prefer nowhere to the doom generation  it is only in the way that i would prefer being assassinated than receive constant physical torture . maybe greg arraki doesn ', t want you to like his characters . maybe he wants to laugh and make fun of those of us who try to care about them . maybe he just wanted to piss me off . if so  he was successful .
neg sometimes  when i decide to write a short story or a poem  i think of a title first  and then think of a subject to go with it . it seems that the makers of disturbing behavior had a similar train of thought when it came to the title sequence . i wouldn ', t be surprised if a couple of guys got together and created the opening credits  and then someone saw it and made up a story to go along with it . the title sequence is so good  so ominous and original  that it had me engrossed before the picture even began . of course  my attention dwindled shortly into the film . disturbing behavior  like so many thrillers  starts off interesting and ends up laughably ridiculous . it ', s a teen horror film with no interesting violence or sex . it ', s a suspense film with no suspense . it ', s an evil small town story with no story to speak of . it ', s a disaster  a listless and uninspired disaster  that just barely misses one - stardom because of a few good sequences  a mercifully short running time  and one terrific set of opening credits . our main man is a fellow named steve clark  blandly played by jimmy marsden . he moves to a small town with his family after  tragically  his brother shoots himself . steve is very upset about the untimely death of his brother ; we learn this through strange home - video like nightmares that he has occasionally . the big trial for steve is  of course  to fit in at school and make new friends . marsden looks like your stereotypical jock down to the last detail  so he seems a poor casting choice for a social reject . as a social reject  he falls in with some pretentious dope - smoking philosophers  gavin ( nick stahl ) and rachel ( katie holmes ) . gavin informs steve that the local group of jocks  known as the blue ribboners  are actually a bunch of zombies  assimilating new members into their group  while sporadically killing innocent people . so  it ', s up to our group of mismatched protagonists to 1 ) solve the mystery  and 2 ) do something about it . by the end of it all  something has happened and things have been explained  but the film still doesn ', t make any sense . disturbing behavior was written by scott rosenberg . i ', ve seen his name around recently ( he was one of the toucher - uppers on the armageddon script )  and i imagine that  for the most part  he knows what he ', s doing when it comes to screenwriting . he did  however  have a complete lapse in judgement when he got the idea for this film  and then decided to actually take the time to write it out . evil small town films are pretty common ( the last one  phantoms  is also a dismal failure )  but it takes a lot of skill to make the formula work . rosenberg ', s script is a complete mess  lacking in even the most basic attempts at characterization . and it makes no sense  nor is their any purpose when things are finally " explained . " there is supposed to be an element of surprise when we see what is happening to the jocks  but the film never explains exactly what * is * happening . they get strapped to chairs  a microchip is inserted into their eyes  and -- poof -- they become sex - crazed  superviolent  machine - like creatures . the doctor responsible for all this  dr . caldicott ( bruce greenwood )  must be pretty nuts for thinking that this kind of behavior is a step up from the way high school jocks actually behave ( or  perhaps  this is the only realistic element in the film ) . much of the writing is simply bad  and rosenberg has no intuition when it comes to the way high school kids act . in one terrible scene  gavin explains to steve all of the high school cliques  while pointing them out in the cafeteria . up front  i should say that  in four years of high school  i did not eat in the cafeteria even once . that aside  the various social groups he points out are general  uninteresting  and poorly - shown . for instance  he points to the " nerds  " who are all wearing glasses and playing with their laptops . it ', s such an obvious cliche that i can ', t believe rosenberg even bothered . most of the dialogue is forced ( no one says  " bite me ! " anymore )  and none of the scenes have any degree of wit . this picture is not inspired  and most scenes flop from one to the other  with no sense of momentum or energy . the blame for this can be placed on director david nutter  who apparently likes his films dry . horror films should at least exploit violence  but this one is shockingly timid . there are a few good scenes  though  such as an interesting trip through an insane asylum ( this is  however  the most forced scene in the film  for how our heroes get there or why they bother are things we never learn ) . i also liked the school janitor character  played by william sadler . he has a few lines that are surprisingly thought - provoking . the acting is largely a waste of talent . marsden is  as i said  bland ( thought not particularly bad ) . bruce greenwood is shamelessly wasted . stahl and holmes both show they have talent  but the direction isn ', t good enough to hone in on their skills ( stahl ', s performance seems more like a parody of high school potheads ) . none of these characters expand beyond their one dimension  and  frankly  watching cardboard cut - outs of human beings run down hallways while screaming just isn ', t all that cool . disturbing behavior is a wreck of a film  and it started out a wreck before shooting even began . i ', m surprised there were producers who read this script and thought that it would make a good film  or that it would make a lot of money at the box office . it ', s not boring  or even blatantly awful  but it ', s an uninspired lump of a film . it sure starts off nicely  but the regression into total absurdity is so consistent that the very last scene is outright laughable . so  if you go to see this film  take my advice : appreciate the credit sequence  and pray it never ends .
neg written by david j . schow and john shirley  based on the comic book series and comic book strip by james o ', barr . cast brandon lee  ernie hudson  michael wincott  david patrick kelly  rochelle davis  and jon polito . mpaa rating " r " ( presumably for rape  language  and violence ) running time 100 minutes " looks like he zigged when he should ', ve zagged . " - ernie hudson  as a police officer commenting on a suspicious death . comic book translations are notorious tricky -- anyone up for a double - bill of the punisher and captain america ? -- and the crow proves no exception . despite a gross of good intentions  brandon lee ', s final film doesn ', t fly very high . the story opens on halloween eve  better known as devil ', s night . wilmington - as - detroit is in flames and the police are tending to at least * one * murder : young rock - musician - turned - pavement - artist eric draven ( lee )  found on a sidewalk six - stories below the apartment he was thrown from . the cops are also upstairs  administering aid to his fiance who was assaulted and raped and not necessarily in that order . she dies  the perps . escape  and  exactly one year later  draven rises from the grave to wreak revenge . sound familiar ? unlike charles bronson  whose only known superpower involves an inability to refrain from filming death wish sequels  lee ', s character has supernatural strength and amazing agility and can even reheal from gunshot wounds faster than robert patrick in terminator 2 . by his side is his crow  the presumable source of his powers as related in the narration . wearing what appears to be alice cooper ', s leftover make - up  lee is plopped into an underlit urban landscape that was obviously modeled after batman and blade runner . but no number of red - lit  rain - soaked streets can compensate for cheap fx that make the crow seem closer to darkman than batman . ( the glaring miniatures should show better on video  though . : ) a nod to darkman is an insult to sam raimi  though  because alex proyas can ', t film a decent action scene to save his life . his two " best " set - pieces -- some banzai board - room butchery and a cool church - roof sword fight -- are also undercut by the awful editing of dov hoenig and scott smith . blame said editors for the film ', s frightful flashbacks  as well . but the pace is quick  thank god  and every good - idea - turned - bad is over before it begins . the cast is better than it should be . ernie hudson is a good choice as a friendly policeman and he gets off most of the film ', s funnier lines . newcomer rochelle davis does well as both the narrator and draven ', s scrappy ward . jon polito has a small  succulent role as pungent pawnbroker . and michael wincott makes a distinct impression as a long - haired mr . big whose collection of ancient - swords makes him seem like he walked into the film from the trailer to highlander iii . there can be only one . finally  there ', s brandon lee  son of bruce lee  and a 28 - year - old rising - star who was fatally shot during shooting . lee had four films to his name -- kung fu : the movie  laser mission  showdown in little toyko  and rapid fire -- and the crow would ', ve been a nice feather in his belt and that ', s about it . there ', s nothing great from him here -- just a good performance that owes as much to presence as ability . when the echo of that gunshot finally fades  watching the crow should prove an even * less * remarkable experience . despite a healthy dose of humor and some surprising sincerity  the crow is still just a couple notches above its straight - to - video brethren . for now  maybe it ', s an appropriate eulogy to an actor who could only get better .
neg synopsis : sullen julie james  still haunted by nightmares of the killer ben willis from i know what you did last summer  perks up when her new best friend karla wilson wins a trip for four to the bahamas . arriving at the start of the hurricane season  julie and karla run around in very tight clothing and realize they ', ve walked into a trap set by the rainslickered slasher with a huge hook for a hand . comments : i may be showing some pop culture illiteracy here  but i have never seen an episode of the fox tv series " party of five . " i am only vaguely aware of the show ', s premise  and my knowledge of it comes from brief commercials i half - paid attention to while watching the tube . " party of five  " i do know however  seems to be the starting ground for actresses in the teen horror genre . neve campbell  scream queen of the 90s and star of scream  scream 2  and the craft  is a regular of the show . so too is jennifer love hewitt . lo and behold  following in the footsteps of campbell  hewitt now has a horror franchise of her own : the i know what you did last summer line . though the original film  released last year  was watchable enough  this insipid sequel had me looking at the theater ', s glowing red exit sign longingly throughout . jennifer love hewitt is a very good - looking young leading lady ; however  unlike neve campbell  hewitt struggles with acting . she just isn ', t convincing in this film ( and she wasn ', t in the original either ) . this puts many young males  including myself  in a paradoxical quandary : she ', s very attractive  but the annoying  spoiled  valley girl - type character she tries to play here is annoying to the extreme and ruins many of the scenes which emphasize  exploitatively  her figure . add to the mix the equally pleasant yet irritating brandy  another rising teen tv star  and you get one frustrated male audience . i ', ve spent so much time on hewitt and brandy for a reason . i still know what you did last summer  though cashing in on the success of the original  ultimately serves as a vehicle for these two young actresses . nothing else here is original or interesting . this movie  in fact  makes other recent so - so horror films like urban legend and john carpenter ', s vampires seem like stunning works of high art . i still know relies heavily on tired slasher film cliches : an isolated location  a storm  parentless teenagers  false alarm nightmares  lots of blue - lighted darkness scenes  a garbed slasher who walks around in the background without the characters seeing him  knives and other sharp instruments lying around everywhere  etc . you get the picture . the entire audience knows all the secondary characters introduced in the film are going to receive the business end of the killer ', s hook . they may as well have huge targets painted on them . like scream and its numerous knockoffs  these secondary characters are supposed to serve as comic relief . unfortunately  i still know ', s characters aren ', t all that funny . in particular  one character  a chain - weed - smoking guy  is obnoxiously annoying and certainly doesn ', t die soon enough . the death scenes  by the way  are relatively violent for a theatrically released horror film . several of them are uncomfortable to watch  and they reminded me of the sickening gore scenes in hellraiser : bloodline  a truly sadistic movie . this  too  did not help the supposed humor i still know was shooting for . and what is the deal with the slasher himself ? i know that the slasher film is not a particularly intelligent genre  but ben willis has got to go down as one of the most silly slashers in mainstream horror . come on  the guy looks like the gorton ', s fisherman  and his gruff voice makes him sound like a disney pirate . though his lightning - lit appearances ellicited much - needed laughter in the theater  his appearance borders on the absurd in the horror film  and that ', s * really * saying something . so  all that ', s left to talk about here is jennifer love hewitt and brandy . both prance about in tightfitting  revealing outfits or in various states of undress  yet neither of them ever actually do a nude scene . hewitt  however  does do a post - shower scene in which her thin bathrobe is quite . . . titillating . this scene alone made this one - star turkey earn two stars under my rating system . otherwise  hewitt and brandy both grate on the nerves . early in the film  for instance  brandy wins the trip to the bahamas . she and hewitt jump around and scream and screech for what seems like forever . i needed extra - strength tylenol after that part . oh  and the film ', s conclusion  talk about repetitive ! people who saw i know what you did last summer will predict i still know ', s ending at least 5 minutes before it happens . boring ! i saw this movie with my brother at the local downtown movie theater . admission is only one dollar on wednesdays  and we often go see bad movies on these days just to ridicule them . it ', s usually a fun thing to do along with the rest of the audience  who don ', t seem to mind participating in a mass " mystery science theater 3000 " - type viewing . i still know what you did last summer  however  produced several lengthy uncomfortable silences from the audience  underscoring how bad it * really * is . if it weren ', t for the main actresses ', revealing wardrobes  i ', d have had a very  very hard time sitting through this lame sequel . i can ', t imagine trying to watch it on video ( horror films seem 10 times better in a theater because they rely heavily on audience participation ) and wouldn ', t recommend it to people  unless they ', re horror film fanatics or huge fans of hewitt and brandy . i read on a website somewhere that another sequel is already in the works . what a depressing thought . hewitt apparently needs to spend more time on tv figuring out how to act . rated r  this film contains lots of violence  several gory scenes  and a couple nubile  horny teenagers -- though the sex act itself is always thwarted . i ', d say this is unsuitable for kids  but teens wouldn ', t have a problem sitting through it  especially since they obviously compose the film ', s target audience .
neg note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . to assess alex cox ', s film the winner as a loser would be so indolent . it would be derisive . it would be glib . it would be dismissive . it would be entirely accurate . rarely have i seen a film as excruciatingly annoying as the winner  a would - be comedy which quickly proves to be tedious  unfunny  and unengaging . the film attempts to be fresh and quirky  utilising a myriad of colourful characters to weave its absurd tale  but appears to overlook the fact that nobody in the film is remotely interesting and that all of the characters are essentially preposterous . the film is set in las vegas  and the focus in the winner is on philip ( vincent d ', onofrio )  an aloof  naive young man blessed with the odd gift of luck ; he virtually cannot lose at the tables . despite this prodigious talent  philip is perpetually mournful and quite indifferent about his gambling fortunes  neither taking joy in his winnings nor having the foresight to mask his abilities . consequently  he becomes an easy target for those who would ride upon his coattails and take advantage of his talent . louise ( rebecca demornay )  a sultry lounge singer  insinuates herself into philip ', s life for the purpose of swindling him  while philip ', s estranged brother ( and  conveniently  louise ', s ex - beau ) johnny ( michael madsen ) arrives on the scene . ( to add some colour  johnny also happens to be toting their father ', s corpse  sans one hand . ) meanwhile  philip is also befriended by a trio of low - rent  opportunists ( frank whaley  billy bob thornton  and richard edson )  who have every intention of taking advantage of their new buddy ', s gift with the dice . serenely overlooking the chaos from behind the scenes is the casino owner ( delroy lindo ) ; it is probably not giving away much to reveal that his role in the winner is essentially that alluded to at the end of the flashy sequence in martin scorsese ', s casino which details the organization hierarchy of a casino ', s operations - he * is * the eye in the sky . it could be maddening to endure a film whose central protagonist is so oblivious of the ongoing blatant manipulation  but fortunately this is not the case in the winner  if only because our sadsack hero is such a sap ; not even remotely sympathetic or compelling  it becomes impossible to root for philip or even care about his fate  and the would - be swindlers of philip ', s fortunes are all drawn out as such ludicrous  transparent buffoons with entirely unimaginative and uninteresting schemes that one watches the winner with a complete sense of disinterest . it is a shame  as the winner features a talented cast - mr . d ', onofrio is an underrated and gifted actor with a huge range ; mr . lindo has a remarkable screen presence which infiltrates every film in which he appears ; mr . madsen  ms . demornay  and mr . whaley have all done good work in the past . none of the actors in the winner are in top form here  and this film won ', t likely be a prized addition to their respective resumes . director alex cox does what he can with wendy riss ', screenplay  and it is to his credit that this film at no point feels like an adaptation of a stage play ; i was startled to learn that the winner was in fact based upon one . while tedious  the film is well - paced and does not meander  but it would be near - impossible task for mr . cox ( or  for that matter  virtually any other director that comes to mind ) to overcome the film ', s widespread shortcomings in plot and characterization . to his credit  my understanding is that he has chosen to distance himself from the project in acknowledgement of its deficiencies . i caught the winner at its world premiere at the toronto international film festival in september 1996  and in fairness it is entirely possible that the film has been extensively revamped since then due to the lacklustre audience reaction generated - there were more walkouts on this film than any of the others i screened . to be honest  though  i couldn ', t begin to isolate what could be done to this film to improve it - i assume that throwing the whole thing out and starting over is out of the question . the winner has apparently played on cable television in the united states and is beginning a limited theatrical release at the time of this writing . the film has a nice upbeat score by pray for rain  but i am honestly not being facetious when i state that the thing i treasured most about my screening of the winner was the bag of popcorn upon which i was munching .
neg what ', s to like about the world of extremely violent trash pornography -- ie . the garbage known as " snuff " films ? nothing  right ? what ', s to like about a film chronicling the world of violent trash pornography ? well . . . nothing . so  why make it  hollywood ? there ', s no reason why the average  sane movie - goer will be interested in such a topic . no one is going to enrich their life or have a good time by watching material such as this . the lack of quality filmmaking in " 8mm " ( from technical to acting ) stands out even more when you consider the star  writer  and supporting cast -- all reputable . but joel schumacher and his brand of unlikable filmmaking strikes again ! like paul schrader  schumacher has his moments  but they ', re few and far ( far ! ) between . basically  this picture is crap and no one should pay to see it . why not walk out ? well  this wouldn ', t be a thorough review about a thoroughly bad movie . here ', s why you should spend your money on dog food or gum instead of " 8mm " . . . first thing -- if you don ', t heed my advice  then understand what you ', re about to see before you even think about paying good money for this crud . it ', s not easy to watch . i didn ', t know the details of the story beforehand  but at least my ignorance can help others now . the ( ha ! ) plot revolves around tom welles ( nicolas cage ) as a surveillance expert and private investigator . a rich old woman discovers a " snuff " film in her late husband ', s safe . she calls welles and hires him to try and find out if the young girl ( it had to be a young girl  didn ', t it  schumacher ! ) who appears to be murdered in the film really is dead . she ', s horrified that her husband would have owned such a film ( in 8mm  of course ) and just wants welles to snoop around without police interference to see what he can find . family - man welles agrees against better judgement or any concrete leads even after cringing and grimacing at the sight of the grotesque " murder " . let me backtrack for a moment . see  " snuff " films are pornos with a violent twist -- people are tortured in very sick ways and end up dead . however  the deaths are often staged and  in those cases  special effects and " good " acting make all the difference . very sick people enjoy and pay top dollar for these hard - to - find movies . the thought of this " industry " makes me want to throw my computer out the window and stop this review  but i ', ll swallow my bile and move on . welles follows clues to hollywood and the porn industry . you ', d think he ', s sherlock holmes the way clues drop so easily for him ! he comes across smut clerk max ( joaquin phoenix ) who knows everyone and everything in the underground business of sleaze . after a lot of digging and bribing  welles finds the men who are responsible for making this  and other  " snuff " films . skip ahead  skip ahead  skip ahead . . . led by dino velvet ( peter stormare in an uncharacteristically terrible performance ) and star - torturer " machine " ( christopher bauer )  they have a big showdown with welles where death and mayhem ensue . the movie doesn ', t end there  unfortunately  because welles has to do what all heroes in schumacher films do -- become a vigilante . this film doesn ', t draw you in . it keeps you about 700 miles away from it and who in their right mind would want to get close ? it is possible to like a film that focuses on grime and sick behaviour ( ie . " se7en " )  but it takes a large measure of restraint ( schumacher has none ) and a larger amount of talent ( schumacher has little ) . by those jabs  i ', m not only referring to his stylish destruction of the " batman " franchise  but " a time to kill " was an immensely overrated disappointment . for a guy who gets so much studio money  his track record of making rather bad movies is unparalleled . a good screenwriter and a good director can make you hypnotically watch even disgusting subject matter . writer andrew kevin walker didn ', t recapture the smarts of the fascinating script he authored for ', 95s twisted thriller  " se7en " . director schumacher doesn ', t have that innate ability to make you watch things you don ', t really want to see like better directors are capable of doing . he must not have believed hitchcock who espoused the theory that what we don ', t see is more frightening than what we do ( especially when it ', s a scene where young girl is supposed to be murdered ) . however  gratuitous is joel ', s middle name . he must think that not flaunting a hard - core act of violent sex is showing plenty of tactful restraint . no  he doesn ', t go that far  but we see enough unpleasantness . he doesn ', t leave much to the imagination . it ', s manipulating to hurt ( or kill ) young girls just to get the audience on the side of a murderous vigilante . the script and acting should be what gets us to believe in these characters  yet schumacher has no subtlety in his ( ha ha ! ) craft . case in point  a shot of a christian fellowship bus ( good  right ? ) drives away to reveal one of the villains ( bad  right ? ) . see . . . no subtlety . does joel think we ', re stupid or that we need to be held by the hand to comprehend the contrasting imagery ? who do we root for in this mess ? is there anybody out there ? it ', s not all the director ', s fault  though . why did the actors sign up for this ? nicolas cage is an oscar - winner  for cryin ', out loud ! if he claims to do films to challenge himself and for the artistic merit rather than the money  what was he smoking when this script dropped on his veranda ? what is cage supposed to be in this movie -- a whispering batman without the charisma and pointed ears ? villainous peter stormare is five steps past hammy . and what is james gandolfini doing in this trash ? he was so solid as a concerned father in " a civil action " . i guess ol ', nic  pete  and jim were promised a mountain of money . . . or they ', re suckers . or they just don ', t care . there are moments ( albeit brief ones ) where this rises above the wasteland . catherine keener is good ( although too quick to threaten divorce ) as mrs . wells . baby cindy is obviously cute and wells ', devout love of his daughter is sweet . the mother ( amy norton ) of the girl in the infamous 8mm film is not too bad as a woman dealing with the uncertain loss of her runaway daughter . this film has an appropriate blue - toned  washed - out look like " payback " ( which was a much better movie ) . the editing is okay in scenes of no dialogue  but at other times it ', s rough . during some conversations  close - ups and wide shots are not cut very well  making it look to be editted by someone whose instincts aren ', t good and whose timing was a half - second off . such a technical error indeed stands out . speaking of standing out  don ', t believe the misleading trailers . there ', s not much action here . occasionally  yes  but not as often as your tv will have you believe . after seeing " 8mm "  i may not be interested in ever watching any kind of porn again . is that a positive ? well  if making me almost ill at the thought of glimpsing a dirty movie again is their motive  they ', ve done a swell job here . it ', ll be a long time before i give a schumacher film another chance -- unless i lose my mind and become seriously depraved . but today i ', m not depraved  so i ask  why does this film preach that this garbage is out there and that society should be worried about it ? i ', m sure that somewhere right now there ', s some pretty sick crap going on  but that doesn ', t mean i need to know about it . yes  mr . walker  your script tells us that there are some screwed - up folks out there . yes  mr . walker  the proverbial monster doesn ', t look like we expect him to . you said all that in 1995 . move on . this film serves no purpose . it doesn ', t entertain  it doesn ', t teach us anything  it doesn ', t make a statement beyond the obvious " this stuff is bad " approach . only if this film awakens the authorities to find a way to abolish these types of horrors would it ever do someting truly worthwhile . that ', s not likely to happen  though  so " 8mm " is indeed a scummy waste of money . orson welles said years ago in a tribute to film  " to movies . . . to good movies " . if only joel schumacher and the producers had listened and told andrew kevin walker to bury this crud deep in a hole . like " snuff " films  " 8mm " should never have been made . now  excuse me while i go try to forget i ever saw it . useless trivia -- joel schumacher loves the vigilante theme . he used it in " batman forever "  in " batman & robin "  in " a time to kill "  in " falling down "  and it ', s rumoured that joel himself will play the vigilante at his breakfast table tomorrow . . .
neg in the james bond film " diamonds are forever  " tiffany case asks 007 whether he prefers brunettes to redheads . bond ', s response is that it doesn ', t really matter  as long as collars and cuffs match . well  collars and cuffs don ', t match in " the real blonde . " what might have sounded good on paper ends up as a largely unfunny  meandering comedy on screen . the film  supposedly a satire of the superficiality of soap operas and the modeling business  is wafer thin . it plays like an " ally mcbeal " episode dragged out to the nth degree  replete with a few unnecessary " fantasy " sequences . writer / director tom dicillo manages the material as if poking fun at daytime dramas is a fresh idea . it isn ', t . the only surprise here is that the talented dicillo could make familiar terrain so dreary . matthew modine plays joe  a struggling actor waiting tables in order to pay the rent . he ', s 35 with no agent and no credits since he ', s too proud to take on roles in commercials or soap operas . " that ', s not really acting " he tells his girlfriend of six years  mary ( catherine keener )  with whom he bickers constantly about sex . but they need the money  so joe finally agrees to take a part in a madonna video . but it ', s not really madonna starring in the video but a lookalike ( played by elizabeth berkley  still trying to jump - start her career after " showgirls " ) . this points out how artificial this whole business is  one supposes . dicillo has referred to " the real blonde " as " off - kilter  but an interesting combination of all sorts of stuff . . . " the film  which wanders all over the place without getting anywhere  is remarkably * on * - kilter and  with perhaps the single exception of the always - likable modine ( who ', s not afraid to stand around in a very unattractive bathing suit surrounded by hunks )  the entire cast is vague and uninteresting . catherine keener  who ', s appeared in dicillo ', s previous three films ( including the brilliant " living in oblivion " )  is at her most annoying in " the real blonde . " look at her closely ; she really can ', t act at all . her reactions are all wrong  almost always out of sync with her co - stars . she reacts too soon  or too late  to lines and situations . she moves her eyes  or her mouth  far too much . she frowns  she yells  she babbles -- she blows chunks . maxwell caulfield plays joe ', s actor / waiter buddy bob  the one obsessed with dating a " natural " blonde . bob ', s personality ( not to mention caulfield ', s acting ability ) parallels that of the character he plays on the soap opera " passion crest " -- stiff and uninteresting . maybe that ', s the point . daryl hannah is dim and uninteresting as the real blonde of the title  a soap dish who beds bob both on - and off - camera . hannah looks about fifty in this movie ( she ', s only 37 ) . why is that ? almost all the women in the film wear tops that show their nipples . why is that ! ? marlo thomas plays an uninteresting fashion photographer . kathleen turner plays an uninteresting talent agent . buck henry plays an uninteresting shrink . christopher lloyd plays an uninteresting caterer . and so on . the best parts of the " the real blonde " are the beginning and the end  brief scenes of an elderly woman losing and then finding her dog . there ', s more depth and sincerity in a single close - up of her expressive face than in the entire film . while this contrast is supposedly meant to highlight the shallowness of the other characters ', lives  the only thing that makes shallow and superficial interesting is if it ', s funny .
neg if i were to plot a graph of year against movie - plot - ridiculity for = hollywood movies  you ', ll probably see a line with constant gradient . = now  if i were to plot that same graph for the movies that the michael = bay / jerry bruckheimer has made over the last 4 years  that line would be = exponential in growth . the team started out with the will smith vehicle = bad boys which was no more than a 2hr long action - music - video  = nevertheless entertaining . then came the rock  where audiences flocked = to see nicholas cage team up with sean connery against some terrorizing = general fighting over some stupid cause . con - air was ridiculousy dumb in = its premise but it did have fun moments  and who can forget the nursery = rhyme sang by that psycho killer played by steve buscemi . while these = movies worked because there was something better to cover - up the dirt  = armageddon does not . very much like deep impact  a meteor is heading towards earth and they = didn ', t realize it until 18 days from impact . deep impact settled with = the modest meteor size as large as the city of new york but armageddon = just had to be bigger . . . . well about the size of texas ( that kinda meteor = whould probably knock earth out of its orbit ! ) . the panic of this = sighting spurs the idea of landing people on the meteor  drill it then = nuke it ( sounds familiar ) and who better to do such a job than harry = stamper ( bruce willis )  your very own oil - driller extraordinaire and = his team of macho - misfits  nursing the tagline ` there ain ', t nothin ', on = this planet that harry can ', t drill ! ', . in that 18 days  harry ', s group was = split into 2 teams  trained for deep - space flight and finally blasted = into space in with special drilling vehicles on 2 new space shuttles . the main relationship drama of armageddon is formed within the = relationship of harry  a . j . and grace . to give you an idea  a . j . works = for harry  and loves grace  harry ', s daughter . the problem is  harry = hates to see his daughter hanging around some scruffy grunt like himself = for the rest of her life . so while a . j . and harry struts it out  grace = is place in a position where she is unable to take sides  so she remains = seated in the nasa control tower  crying over both of them in about 80 % = of the movie . the human elements this movie tries to inject proves to be nothing more = than just an excuse for more slow - mo ', s and gold - tinted photography . the = anguish of the world is potrayed with scenes of people praying  running = for their lives or just sitting still staring at the sky  sounds fine = right ? i know  but it looks too out of place on screen  too staged . if = you were to ask yourself  ` what ', s the difference between armageddon and = a r & b music video ? " you ', d probably just said ` the music . " . not = surprising since michael bay is a child of that industry and has = actually managed to transpose his mtv skills to screen successfully . his = foray into armageddon just proves that he doesn ', t when to stop . well there ', s really nothing much to sum up here . the = stock - aitken - waterman of hollywood movies have projected their art - form = into ridiculity  beyond the plane believability  where people still = accept even if they didn ', t believe . deep impact was ridiculous in most = aspects and i believe the makers know this . the thing is  they decided = to shroud myth and fantasy with a purely believable human tale of = suffering and coming in terms with ones problems  which ultimately = brought it above the ashes which it had initially put itself in . = armageddon  is an overcrowded  loud  messy  preposterously manipulative = waste of money and deserves to remain in that same pile of ash . . = 20 if you have planned to watched this over deep impact because of liv = tyler  bruce willis or the tagline " from the makers of ` the rock ', ! ! " . = please catch deep impact before it finishes its run  it may be the only = meteor worth watching in long - long time . if you have to see it  please = bring ear - plugs and some aspirins ( for the vertigo ) . expect armageddon = ld ', s to retail at s $ 19 . 90 at carrefour come release time . gee . . . . . . even = that ', s not worth it !
neg " tina ! ! ! fetch me the axe ! ! ! " a favourite book of mine called the golden turkey awards relates the story that when mommie dearest was unleashed upon unsuspecting audiences back in 1981  paramount soon realised they had a problem on their hands . it wasn ', t just the film ', s disappointing box office performance . indeed  in the coming years some people would be going back to see it two  three  even six times . no  the main problem was that what was intended as a serious biopic of screen queen joan crawford was turning into the laugh riot of the year . in a desperate attempt to capitalise on this unexpected turn of events  some publicity hacks dreamed up outrageous print advertisements screaming : " mommie dearest : the biggest mommie of them all ! " . executives at paramount were appalled and soon had the ads withdrawn  but it was all too late . mommie dearest was already cementing its place in camp cinema history . unfortunately  faye dunaway ', s energetic  at times ridiculously over - the - top performance is about the film ', s only redeeming feature . based on daughter christina crawford ', s trashy biography  mommie dearest chronicles a series of mainly private events in the life of her moviestar mother . if you believe this movie  it was a life was racked by obsession  lonliness  child abuse and rampant egomania . the film begins with crawford adopting two children  and concludes in the office of her lawyer where her now grown - up daughter and son find out they have been left out of their mother ', s will . joan always wanted her kids to be able to fend for themselves  you see . but that ', s about the only thread in the narrative that manages to survive to the film ', s end . the script - laboured over by four writers  a bad sign in itself - is a poorly connected series of episodes that builds little dramatic momentum . frank perry ', s direction is no more than competent  and dunaway ', s bitchy lines aside  the dialogue is flat and uninvolving . in fairness  the film ', s second half ditches some of the cartoon hysterics and does develop a degree empathy for its characters . when the adult christina moves out of home into her own modest dwelling  joan visits and keeps in touch  not helping her financially but encouraging christina ', s own acting and career ambitions . crawford does seem to care about her daughter  but you can sense the emotional distance and feel some of their pain . you also get glimpses of what the film could have been in the hands of better writers . ah  but there is dunaway ', s performance . and what a delicious piece of campery it often is . having just been sacked by her studio after a run of box office duds  crawford storms home late at night and proceeds to go ballistic in the garden . she has the maid drag the kids out of bed to come down and clean up the mess she ', s making . spotting a young tree she doesn ', t like the look of  she turns to the trembling christina and utters the immortal line " tina ! ! fetch me the axe ! ! " with which she proceeds to enthusiastically dismember the poor sapling . in the film ', s most outrageous scene  joan realises that some of her daughter ', s clothes are hanging on wire coat hangers . oh dear ! sounds like the perfect excuse for another temper tantrum  doesn ', t it ? this time she gives her daughter a horrible beating while delivering another classic outburst : " no . . . wire . . . hangers . . . . ever ! ! ! ! " . and later  when the board of her late husband ', s company pepsi cola tries to divest her of her directorship  she displays a superb grasp of business etiquette by jumping to her feet and roaring : " don ', t fuck with me  fellas ! ! " . oh joy ! something of a camp classic  then  but if that ', s not you ', re cup of tea then mommie dearest doesn ', t have too much to recommend it . better you see the real crawford in the women ( 1939 )  mildred pierce ( 1945 ) or whatever happened to baby jane ( 1962 ) . great films distinguished by great performances  and a far more eloquent testament to this great woman than frank perry ', s shrieking piece of tabloid froth .
neg phil ( radmar jao ) has a hairy problem . his beard is growing so rapidly that he has to shave every hour . he recently met the author of a non - fiction book on lycanthropy  also referred to in the movie as werewolfism  and phil now believes that his problem is that he has become a werewolf . using enough chains and handcuffs to be a hit at a sadomasochists convention  he ties himself in at night lest his urges overcome him . and phil is just one of the many quirky characters that inhabit shopping for fangs . made on a pittance  the film features an almost exclusively asian - american cast . as directed by quentin lee and justin lin  the movie is so amateurishly bad that it could almost be a parody of indie films . jeanne chin plays katherine  a meek and soft - spoken wife  who worries that her husband is unhappy with her because she is not giving him enough sex . we know this through the endless scenes of her confessing her sins  real and imagined  to her therapist . as her husband  jim  clint jung plays a muscle man with a macho crudeness . the picture is filled with stereotypes . there ', s a mysterious  loud - mouthed waitress with a big  platinum blonde wig who brags to everyone she meets that she ', s a lesbian . she spends most of the movie putting the moves on her favorite customer  a gay guy . and the lone white with a major role  the author on werewolfism  has wildly unkempt  orangey blonde  curly hair . from its opening scene of an attempted rape at knifepoint to its easy to guess ending twist  the script rarely has anything to offer . the story is so minimally developed that it feels almost like the actors were ad - libbing . one can only hope that the directors ', next film will have some substance and some credible acting . shopping for fangs runs 1 : 30 . it is rated r for sex  violence  and profanity and would be fine for older teenagers .
neg writer / director lawrence kasdan had a hand in penning some of the biggest film successes of the 1980s . yes  that ', s right  he co - wrote raiders of the lost ark ( 9 / 10 )  the empire strikes back ( 8 . 5 / 10 ) and return of the jedi ( 8 / 10 ) . now with this film  it looks as though he has decided to test his skills at mediocre screenwriting and bland directing . and guess what ? he succeeds once again ! plot : a man with a shady and regrettable past decides to run away and into a small american town  where he pretends to be a licensed psychologist to an open - armed swarm of people with problems . it isn ', t long before he befriends the small - town billionaire  folks become suspicious and he falls for one of his own patients . critique : this film is not a comedy ! it is a drama . i say this right up front because from the looks of the trailer  you would think that this film secures its base in humor  but unfortunately for us  it does not . it is a serious film ( seriously flawed if you ask me  but i digress ) which offers a couple of witty quips to keep you awake  but overall  just sits there . now on to my review . this movie sucks because it was slow and boring  starred an uninteresting protagonist with an unbelievable past  included extremely dull patients whose problems left me indifferent at best and pissed at worst  and certified it all with many a predictable ending . i have no idea what lawrence kasdan was trying to accomplish with this picture  but whatever it was . . . he missed ! anyone without his name could never have made this film because it is an extremely generic puff - piece  which on a good day  might be described as predictably digestible . it ', s no wonder that the studio is trying to sell it as a comedy ! it sucks as a drama  and bored my movie cohort right to sleep . i ', ve given it four points on four extremely shallow yet distinguishable marks . first of all  i couldn ', t help but think about how much the lead actor  loren dean  looked like a young charles grodin . he even acted like him  save for the dry  sardonic wit . this kept me interested in watching him at least . number two  and this one is really shallow ( seemed to be geared that way as well )  there were quite a few " titshots "  as they would say back in high school . and god help me if i can ', t get enough of those in an aimless drama . and three  and this one surprised me the most  actor ted danson ', s cameo ( yes  he will always be sam malone to us real fans ! ) was the best part about this movie and actually made me see him as a different person . a different asshole  but a different person nonetheless . if ever you rent this movie one day ( promise you won ', t throw away your hard - earned money at the theaters ? ! )  wait for his scene because it ', s actually pretty good . other than that  drab  drab  drab and drab . even jason lee  a personal favorite of mine  was left out to dry with lame dialogue and one of the phoniest romances to hit the big screen in a while . well  at least he finally " came out " and did some real skateboarding in this movie ! oh yeah  and i guess that ', s the fourth point in my rating . anyway  if you enjoy watching boring patients babble on about their boring problems to an uninteresting psychologist . . . this film ', s your bag ! otherwise  skip it and see analyze this ( 8 / 10 ) again . . . now there ', s a great shrink movie ! little known facts about this film and its stars : " three ', s company " fans alert ! ! ! terri from the tv show  also known as actress priscilla barnes  plays a small but pivotal part as the landlady in this film . the scene is actually a fantasy sequence and does feature cleavage  so stay tuned  kids ! also  it is to note that the actress was once named " penthouse pet of the month " in march of 1976 . she was known as one joann witty back then . she ', s originally from jersey . who the hell is loren dean  the dude who plays mumford in this film ? you got me  but all i know is that he was born in las vegas in 1969 and played the character of billy bathgate in the 1991 film of the same name . jason lee was born in the state of california in the year of 1971 . he was a professional skateboarder before his acting career took off after mallrats ( 6 / 10 )  and even owns his own skateboarding company called stereo manufacturing corp . he ', s been in every kevin smith film except for clerks ( 8 . 5 / 10 ) . listen closely and you will hear the pharmacist in this film ( the ballooning actor formerly known as pruit taylor vince ) make a reference to the " lost ark "  which is obviously an in - joke  considering that it is the writer / director of this film  lawrence kasdan  who co - wrote raiders of the lost ark ( 9 / 10 ) . kasdan also played the part of dr . green in 1997 ', s as good as it gets ( 8 / 10 ) . ted danson also played the role of lawyer peter lowenstein in kasdan ', s 1981 directorial debut body heat starring a sexy kathleen turner and william hurt .
neg ladies and gentlemen  payback is the most expensive episode of " the equalizer " i ', ve ever seen . gibson plays porter  a burglar shot and left for dead by his wife ( deborah kara unger  in an all - too - brief cameo ) and partner ( henry ) after a successful heist . as a morgue attendant sets about removing the bullets from porter ', s back  porter miraculously springs back to life . he makes it his mission  as a walking dead man without a conscience  to exact revenge on those who screwed him and reclaim his share of the loot . ( in a running gag  porter demands $ 70 000  but everybody mishears him and assumes he ', s after the entire $ 130 000 haul . ) in his travels ( or travails )  porter encounters several other one - named villainous cretins like fairfax ( james coburn as a white - haired  millionaire thief ) and carter ( kristofferson  as a brown - haired  millionaire thief - the kingpin of the obligatory " operation " ) . helgeland ', s film ( which was recut by mel the producer ) is devoid of an imperative dime store charm . the novelty of seeing a big movie star mercilessly dispatching criminals wears off quickly : a ) because the bad guys can only be differentiated by their coifs  and b ) because mel ', s schtick doesn ', t evolve from act one - he ', s the terminator stranded in a plot without a sci - fi hook to keep us interested after the initial sadistic thrill is gone . payback should have been called playback : it ', s a 102 - minute loop of the same short sequence . ( mel : " i want my money . " anonymous villain : " no . " mel shoots gun . anonymous villain dies . mel meets up with his hooker friend ( bello ) . second verse  same as the first . ) it ', s not porter ', s single - mindedness that robs the film of snap  crackle  and pop ; as a character who has already " died " once  he has nothing to lose and so much to gain . the movie lacks danger . the only thing porter is in jeopardy of is putting the audience to sleep . payback has a gritty  metallic look to it that also becomes monotonous ; its cinematography would be more appropriate in one of those bleak urban psychodramas that come out of england every couple of months . ( director of photography ericson core should have been fired early on for lighting bello  so va - va - va - voom in permanant midnight  to look like a potato in a gregg allman wig . ) to analyze such mediocrity is to grant payback far more attention than it deserves . perhaps only someone as experienced with antagonists - as - protagonists as tarantino - look what he did with the similar hero - less botched - robbery tale reservoir dogs - could have pulled off this material ( a loose remake of john boorman ', s point blank ) . the movie presents us with the conventions of pulp fiction ( all women are femme fatales ; even the cops are in on it  etc . ) and crosses them with the conventions of cheesy tv crime melodramas ( death is never in the cards for the main character  etc . ) but transcends neither .
neg when you ', ve run out of old tv shows to turn into movies  i guess you try video games . why did i go to see mortal kombat : annihilation ? the quest to seek an answer to this query may prove a better movie that the one i just saw . this film was a bunch of fighting  yelling  special effects  and bad acting set to an oppressive techno music soundtrack . the plot is fairly simple : a portal has opened between our world and the " outworld "  allowing evil forces commanded by shao kahn ( brian thompson ) to wreak havoc and attempt to destroy humanity . the good guys  led by sorcerer rayden ( james remar ) and human mortal liu kang ( robin shou )  must take the fight to outworld  where the fate of both worlds will be determined . here ', s the catch : they must reunite princess katana ( talia soto )  who ', s on the good side  with her resurrected mother queen sindel ( musetta vander )  who ', s on the bad side  for their love for each other will close the portal and ensure humanity ', s safety for another generation . how this is supposed to work  i still have no idea  but i liked katana ', s line  " i knew love would keep us together  " since that captain and tennille song ran through my head and i got a good laugh . there are some seriously stupid things in this movie . take  for example  a transportation system which utilizes the " inner winds "  generated by earth ', s magma flows . you get in this metal ball which transports you through underground tunnels really fast . how fast ? as katana says  " you will be moving so fast  it will be as if you are not moving at all . " what ? later  sonya blade ( sandra hess ) goes to find jax ( lynn " red " williams  otherwise known as " saber " on tv ', s american gladiators ) at a medical research facility on the island of oahu . how do we know this is where she went ? there ', s a sign on the facility ', s perimeter fence that reads : medical research facility - oahu  hawaii . remember  this is not a caption  but an actual sign . i guess the location is on there for all those medical researchers who keep forgetting where they are . there ', s a lot of major flipping action  too . the first encounter between good and evil shows kahn and rayden swiftly arching though the air toward one another . do they land and immediately get into the fighting ? does one of them land first and catch the other off guard ? do they collide in mid - air ? no  apparently they flip toward each other so they can talk without having to yell from far away . why did they need those metal balls to travel ? everyone could have just flipped from point a to point b . i have to admit  the fight scenes are pretty good  although you can tell they are heavily enhanced by digital effects and fly wires  allowing the characters to surpass the limits of the human body and the laws of physics . the movie ', s thrills are derived from these scenes and most of the audience responses are on the visceral level when someone gets trashed really badly . " ouch " was the most common expletive heard when i screened this one . you could tell that the filmmakers knew in advance that fights  not plot  would be the main draw  since dialog is apparently in the film just to get from one fight to the next . it seems that ', s all there is in this movie . maybe it is . as i had mentioned  the acting is bad . there ', s not one solid performance in the film  although williams as jax was pretty funny . after a fight between sonya and one of the bad guys degenerates into female mud wrestling  jax says  " you look good in mud . no  really  you do . " remar plays rayden with an inconsistency which makes it hard to take his character seriously  and shou is relatively emotionless as liu kang . brian thompson  who has played good guys  bad guys  and even an alien on tv ', s the x - files  but always some muscle - bound behemoth  is your average evil demi - god  but it ', s more the script ', s fault than his own that he doesn ', t have anything original to say . the one really impressive thing about this movie is that there is not one swear word in the whole hour and a half . another thing which should be noted is that for all its punching and kicking  blood only appears in one scene . all in all  mortal kombat : annihilation is loud  violent  shallow  and marketed toward kids . hey  just like the video game !
neg the swooping shots across darkened rooftops suggest a very tim burton movie  but  alas  no caped crusader descends to save * this * film . instead  it ', s a skeletal housemaid ( julia roberts ) who must bear witness to this unfortunate retelling of " dr . jekyll and mr . hyde . " for a few  fleeting  maddening moments  director stephen frears ( dangerous liaisons ) gets everything just right -- the tone  the colors  the characters ; all the ingredients to make a most - powerful potion out of valerie martin ', s best - selling novel . yet it fizzles too quickly ; the volatile mixture losing potency from the very first scene . casting is a large part of the problem . the story all but collap - ses around ms . roberts -- she doesn ', t have the range for this kind of drama . her accent also comes and goes  though it ', s nowhere near as glaring as the total lack of chemistry between her and co - star john malkovich . ( he looks the same in both of his roles -- an incredible fact that ', s missed by everyone in the story ! ) the very british supporting cast -- including michael gambon and george cole -- gives credibility to the smaller parts . glenn close also appears as a madam that the good doctor calls upon . her performance is as close to intentional camp as the movie ever gets and -- as a bonus -- offers a likely peek at her upcoming cruella de ville in the live - action 101 dalmantions . the biggest botch in mary reilly is suspense : there is none . no terror  no tension ; nothing . without any weight  wit  or wonder to propel the story  the viewer is left with little more to do than pay attention to the period detail  a few buckets of blood  and stuart craig ', s fabulously dreary production design . all of which gets old after about an hour  at which point i recommend leaving . ( the pacing in the second - half is especially abominable . if you * do * stick it through  your sole reward is a half - hokey special effect depicting the infamous transformation . ) mr . frears reportedly recut his film several times  missing several release dates in the process . ( obviously  no one advised him to throw up his hands and just turn the whole damned thing over to mel brooks . blucher ! ) mary reilly is the second robert louis stevenson story of the month  after muppet treasure island . perhaps mr . frears should consult with brian henson on future projects . i daresay that even ms . piggy is a better choice for a certain roles than julia roberts . and she does have a great chop !
neg guilt . guilt is something i felt while watching basic instinct for the ninth time ; the penultimate t & a thriller  basic instinct made my last few teenage years worth living . but i know so well that it ', s a terrible film  made by a terrible director incapable of feeling guilt . verhoeven went on to make the even more offensive showgirls and  on november seventh  1997  unleashed starship troopers to innocent moviegoers like me  who cannot control the urge to see giant bug movies . the pic begins with the most unintentional laugh of the year . a simple  white on black title card reads " starship troopers " - my friends and i speculated that the night before the prints were shipped  verhoeven realized he forgot the credits . is this how a hundred million dollar movie should open ? were the rest of the film that subdued . . . starship troopers is about a group of white  blond - haired himbos and bimbos who all have spanish last names . they graduate high school  join the military  and then  rather curiously  decide to travel to an alien planet and destroy all lifeforms on that planet . the story is so incomprehensible  and told so bombastically  it ', s akin to 129 minutes of someone screaming punishments at you in a foreign tongue . ( aside  club lovers will be happy to know that dance music hasn ', t changed in the future . ) one plus : starship troopers contains some very funny sequences  specifically the newsreels of the future . hysterically funny  actually . but the cynicism of these reports left me curious as to whether verhoeven felt pessimistic about the story in between . the storytelling lacks focus  to say the least . the politics of the film are scary . the actions of the major female characters are dictated by their out - of - control libidos . there ', s even a creepy sex scene : the lovely dina meyer makes out  nude  with the sickening van dien while half her face is covered by her opaque sweater  just the way he seems to like it . i use the term sickening because van dien is the least appealing actor i ', ve encountered in a big budget picture ; all chiseled features and machismo  he even barks a eulogy at a funeral like military orders . of course  verhoeven ', s probably the one to blame  and perhaps i ', m jealous because i ', m so disgusting . at any rate  a movie called starship troopers shouldn ', t be about sex . exactly ten years ago  verhoeven made robocop  which was about nothing but skillfully made and oddly moving . and r - rated  despite its goofy premise . maybe it ', s asking too much for verhoeven to make a pg - movie  then - he ', s a master of insipid violence . however  ten year old boys would adore starship troopers if they could see it .
neg " what ', s your favorite new york moment ? " " this one ', s climbing the charts . " starring john cusack  kate beckinsale  eugene levy  molly shannon . directed by peter chelsom . rated pg - 13 . there ', s no doubt that 95 % of romantic comedies follow a distinct pattern : guy sees girl  guy wants girl  guy goes through unreasonable obstacles to get girl  guy gets girl . in rare cases  the genders are flipped . predictability is a given . rarely  though  is a romantic comedy as cheap  as obvious  or as pointless as serendipity  a film that uses its " theme " as an excuse for its plot contrivances . " lightweight " doesn ', t begin to describe it . this is like anti - gravity . it begins in a new york city bloomingdale ', s  a product placement that rivals cast away ', s fedex for sheer blatancy . jonathan trager ( john cusack ) and sara thomas ( kate beckinsale ) both go for the same pair of gloves . after going through the perfunctory motions  jonathan gets to keep the gloves and the two of them go out for ice cream  followed by ice skating . jonathan falls hard  and sara is charmed . when she writes her name and number down on a piece of paper  a truck rumbles by and blows it out of her hand . she takes this as a sign from fate that they shouldn ', t be together ; jonathan is flabbergasted . to pacify him  she comes up with an idea : jonathan will write his number on a 5 dollar bill  which she will promptly spend . when she gets home  she will write her name and number inside a book ( " love in the time of cholera " ) and sell it to a used bookstore . if the bill gets back to her or the book to him  it will mean that they are meant to be together . three years later . both sara and jonathan are now engaged to other love interests . both realize they aren ', t content . both go looking for the other . what happens now is so absurd that i ', m almost tempted to recommend the film for the sake of seeing it . the two of them run circles around each other in a set of incredible " coincidences " that i would describe as contrivances if it weren ', t for the film oh - so - cleverly dismissing that criticism by building its plot around " serendipity . " of course  since the movie is about fate  the screenwriter can do anything he damn well pleases . i ', m not buying it . there ', s no suspense in any of this because we know exactly what ', s going to happen  but serendipity insists on drilling its purportedly " adorable " non - story into our heads . instead of " will they meet ? " the question we ', re asking is " when will they meet already ? " to make matters worse  every " coincidence " is telegraphed from a mile away ; by the last reel i was bored enough to actively look for signs that something else " incredible " was going to happen . cusack is fine and beckinsale  at least  isn ', t saddled with another lumbering  clunky screenplay ( she ', s had bad luck  what with brokedown palace and pearl harbor on her resume )  just an inanely pointless one . serendipity also relieves the tedium with the amazing eugene levy  who plays a snarky bloomingdale ', s salesman . what ', s the interest in watching a movie that spirals around and around a predestined ( no pun intended ) conclusion ? serendipity wants to tug at the heartstrings  but it only tests our patience .
neg i didn ', t come into city of angels expecting greatness . i ', ve never seen wim wenders ', wings of desire  the classic movie upon which city is loosely based . then again  i have seen enough stories which are based upon a similar plot device  with the little mermaid ( both the disney version and the original folktale ) being among them  that i had some high expectations about the possible power such a story of impossible love can hold . unfortunately  city of angels ended up fulfilling few of them . the plot  for those that couldn ', t tell from the previews  revolves around the angel seth  played with an almost creepy intensity by nicolas cage  who  in the midst of his angelic duties  falls in love with a heart surgeon named maggie ( meg ryan in her most endearing performance since when harry met sally ) . of course  his being an angel prevents him from doing much about his love except appearing at random times to talk to her  watch her buy groceries  only to disappear in the blink of an eye . their love must remain unrequited unless seth decides to make the ultimate sacrifice and become human . using this framework as a jumping - off point  the movie attempts to veer through some heavy philosophical ruminations on the nature of desire  the joys of being human  and the definition of perfection . the first half of the movie succeeds on most points . cage excellently plays the eminently difficult role of an angel who doesn ', t know feelings so can ', t really express  preventing the character of seth from getting boring despite his limited repertoire of intent looks and hang - dog expressions . unfortunately  cage takes the intensity too far sometimes  and then seth comes across as more creepy than sensitive . as maggie  ryan manages to be convincing as a heart surgeon who has trouble coming to terms with her having lost a patient on the operating table despite having done everything right . her beauty  unlike her unbearable cuteness in french kiss  is mature  intelligent  and winning . likewise  some interesting ideas float around at the beginning of the film . when the camera pans through traffic jams and libraries and we get to hear the thoughts of the random people who flash across the screen  the audience experiences a little of what it must be like to be an angel . the beautiful camera work  shooting down onto the hectic world of los angeles from the improbable perches of the angels  also gives us a sense of the unique wonder angels feel . the film begins to lose its way  though  when the focus tightens more and more on seth and maggie . the grand  angelic perspective gets lost  except for some idly tossed lines about the incredible beauty of the world through an angel ', s eyes . the movie devolves into an examination of how seth can ', t feel the world or  more importantly  he can ', t feel maggie : he can ', t smell her hair  feel her touch  or taste the pears she eats . this change in focus attempts to capture the audience in seth ', s intense longing  but in doing so  the conflict disappears . if he wants maggie so badly  then why doesn ', t her just make the leap and become human ? after all  what ', s so great about being an angel ? sure  you get to sit on marlboro signs  but what ', s that compared to getting to be with meg ryan ? and from there  once the yearning has been established and the romantic denouement must occur  it ', s all downhill . the philosophy becomes heavy - handed  the dialogue pedestrian when it tries to be deep  and the plot twists simply attempt to yank a few more tears into the audience ', s hankie . it ', s the last thirty minutes of the movie  then  that wrecks the film . i feel like the writer  by pulling out all the melodramatic stops  has robbed me of what could have been a genuinely powerful movie experience on both the romantic and the philosophical level . i came out feeling robbed  seeing so much possibility in a film becoming nothing . i could go on longer  but i don ', t want to " ruin " the end by revealing any of the cheap plot devices the film relies on . city of angels  then  is a paradox . it ', s a well - acted ( particularly look for dennis franz cutting against type - casting as a happy - go - lucky fallen angel )  well - filmed  and based on a wonderful idea . all these possibilities  though  are what make the film so unredeemable when the closing credits come up .
neg plot summary : the year is 2024 . the ozone layer has long since gone and the earth is now protected from radiation by a shield invented by connor mccleod . the shield  although saving lives  has made the atmosphere hot and humid . connor is a mortal and a tired old man who has given up hope . on returning from the opera one night connor is accosted by the leader of a " terrorist " organisation . they have tried to find out what the company that now runs the shield unit are covering up . connor is then attacked by two assassins sent by katana from the planet zeist ( like zeit -- get it ? ) . they fail and connor becomes immortal again by chopping their heads off . he then brings ramirez back to life in glencoe in scotland . both ramirez and connor are rebel leaders back on zeist and have been sent to earth as punishment . connor now has the option to return being the last one but opts to stay with his new found immortality and fight to find out about the company and the shield . katana meanwhile  fearing connor would return  sets out himself to kill the highlander . if you have never seen it . being a fan of highlander and mr . connery  i was in the cinema as soon as i could to see highlander ii : the quickening . i wish it had been quicker . i feel whatever else you can say about a film ( bad script bad music  etc . ) if you sit just plain bored through most of it then nothing much else needs to be said . the film was short but in my opinion only twelve minutes or so ( the time mr . connery is on the screen for ) is worth watching . the plot sounds a little ridiculous but i was willing to give it a chance . maybe they could pull it off . instead  i find that the characters have completely changed from those in the first film . it ', s as if they are different people with the same names . witness connor jumping into bed with the leader of the resistance -- where is the attitude of " who wants to live forever  when love must die " gone to ? the love sub - plot * must * have had footage cut out . the highlander and ramirez both seemed aware of powers they had never mentioned before . putting our heroes in deadly situations and then having them walk away because of some new power is very annoying . i still want to know why connor ', s coat becomes flame proof when he is immortal ! we are not given enough time on zeist to believe in it  nor are we told why advanced aliens still use swords to kill . why not dynamite or laser saws or just plain bullets followed by a quick chop to the neck ? i know the head needs to come off but you could at least immobilise your opponent with laser rifles first . to be fair one assassin tried this but he must be the world ', s worst shot . meanwhile connor develops luke - skywalker - like powers of laser beam deflection . as for " bad guys  " we see a rebellion on zeist  crushed easier than a grape and then the rest of the plot depends on katana being obsessed with killing mccleod in case he returns to zeist . two assassins are sent  presumably they are meant to be good at killing but an aged connor kills them both with no problems . no more assassins are sent . katana  supposedly a very powerful man goes himself to kill connor . has he no more assassins ? has he no better ? why was the rebellion crushed so easily then ? michael ironside is totally unconvincing ( bring back the kurgan ) . he seems like a cartoon character and really isn ', t that evil  just stupid and violent . we see the hollywood trick of the chief nasty threatening a child again and killing lots of innocents . yet he still seems like no threat -- perhaps because he seems too stupid to threaten connor  or maybe because his two best assassins wouldn ', t have been amiss with larry  curly and mo . so much for plot and characters . the music is atrocious . it is at best intrusive and at worst annoying . bring back queen . there was an audible sigh ( of relief ? ) when connor played a queen track in a juke box . i believe this at least is to be corrected for the american release . the acting is at best flat  except for mr . connery . lambert is uninteresting and when he delivered " there can be only one " this time around it just made me wish there had only been one -- highlander . michael ironside is unconvincing ; sorry  michael  i usually like you and everyone else was incredibly forgetable . so why 2 / 10 ? visually the film is interesting at all times . it has a blade runner feel to it and some of the special effects are quite stunning . add to this an irrepressible sean connery who smiles throughout the whole film -- or is he smirking to himself ? his lines and delivery might make the film worthwhile had it not been so obvious that he cannot take the whole thing seriously at all but hey -- * i ', d * have done it for 12 million . oh  and i agree with a previous reviewer  she * does * look like sharon stone but i believe it is her first film . incidentally there is a line producer credited and i hear rumours of highlander iii : the wizard .
neg 200 cigarettes takes place on new year ', s eve 1981 . monica  played by martha plimpton is having a huge new year ', s party . everyone in town is trying to get there  but some are caught up in other things . this is the basic plot of 200 cigarettes . as we meet the characters headed towards the party  we are sent into many subplots which are unoriginal  and not interesting at all . this disappointed me greatly . the film should have been more about the party than the people trying to get there in my opinion . lucy  played by courtney love  is with kevin  played by paul rudd . the two are in a relationship that is more of a friendship  but starts to blossom into something more than that . this subplot is extremely boring and dull  and i am getting quite sick of plots like that . janeane garofalo is involved in another subplot  dealing with kevin . she plays ellie  an ex - girlfriend of kevin ', s . this subplot is completely a waste of garofalo ', s talent . there was no point to it at all  and it was hardly even in the movie . when lucy runs into a bartender  played by ben affleck  another subplot is formed . the bartender is invited by lucy to come to monica ', s party . at the bar  he runs into two more girls . the girls are played by angela featherstone and nicole parker  but unfortunately  due to the terrible acting of both of them  i don ', t even remember their characters names . ben affleck is a good actor  but his character doesn ', t go anywhere so he doesn ', t have much screen time to give a good performance . featherstone and parker are horrible in their roles  and they are part of the reason the film is so bad . christina ricci plays val  and gaby hoffman plays stephie . the two girls are trying to get to the party but are extremely lost . they meet some guys and end up going around with them all night . this subplot was alright  but it was quite annoying with stephie ', s accent . hoffman did an okay job of acting  but ricci did good . she was underused  considering she is such a wonderful actress . another subplot in the film is the relationship between cindy  played by goldie hawn ', s daughter  and jack  played by jay mohr . jack is an actor who doesn ', t care about the girls he goes out with  he just likes dates for one night  and the next day he doesn ', t . kate hudson is a huge klutz . she gets herself into very funny situations  that are the funniest parts in the entire movie . they are probably the only funny parts in the entire movie as well . this subplot could have been used more  mainly due to hudson ', s performance . mohr wasn ', t good  but he wasn ', t bad . he was just alright  which i didn ', t find acceptable . there is not much to say about the performances in the film . none of the characters are developed or shown enough to really tell if the acting is good or not . the only performances that i can judge are christina ricci ', s as always good performance  kate hudson ', s funny role  courtney love ', s mediocre performance  and paul rudd ', s annoying and overused performance . i was hoping for a little more out of jaw mohr  ben affleck  casey affleck  gaby hoffman  dave chapelle  and especially out of janeane garofalo . the two strongest things in the film were the great soundtrack and the original costumes . martha plimpton and christina ricci had very different and original outfits which made me feel like i was in the year 1981 . the soundtrack is full of 1980 ', s tunes  ranging from " i want candy " to " tainted love . " the songs in the movie also helped create the feel that you were back in the 1980s . during the film  i often found myself asking the questions  " is there a reason to this ? is there any moral story ? is there a point ? are any of the events going on in the film necessary ? do i care what lucy and kevin are going through ? " the movie is extremely boring  and by the time they reached eleven - o - clock  one hour before midnight  i could not wait for the movie to be over . the plot is okay  but the subplots make it terrible . maybe if the film was about the party  not about the people at the party  it could have been a lot better . the bottom line : just like a slasher movie  this ? 80s comedy is just one too many .
neg i ', ll bet right now you ', re just lounging by the pool  humming " i will always love you " and wistfully recalling your candlelight dinners with success . it isn ', t necessarily over for you : i say you still have enough charm that you could avoid starring in " kevin ! " for at least a few more years . begin by scribbling " the star that burns twice as bright burns half as long " somewhere you ', ll always see it  perhaps on the fridge door  or on a bedroom mirror with lipstick . you had a heck of a thing going there until you agreed to star in robin hood : prince of thieves  where you were not only upstaged by powerhouses morgan freeman and alan rickman  but christian slater ( ! )  several dozen tall trees  bows  arrows  and a canoe  too . after dances with wolves and jfk  you decided the world needed more three hour movies  expensive three hour movies  so you starred in and produced wyatt earp ; wyatt earp the man was a boring idiot who made the history books solely due to a general lack of famous wyatts . wyatt earp was so dull a cowboy that he died of natural causes . tombstone was a vastly superior movie based on the same legend  and that featured kurt russell as earp and dana delaney as his girlfriend ! ( she was played by joanna going in your movie - you know  the character known best in wyatt earp as " jew whore " . what were you and lawrence kasdan thinking ? ) now  you ', re suffering the demise of yet another of your epics  the postman  a film so financially disastrous that it all but eradicated the memory waterworld ', s and tin cup ', s mildly lucrative box office takes . the postman is not the worst movie ever made - people in hollywood are quick to forget movies like howard the duck whenever the next bomb comes along . yet it is a ridiculous movie . i suspect you thought you had another braveheart on your hands - why else line up two armies on horesback  all prepared for battle  for the climax of your film ? - but " mailheart " the postman is not . ( i can think of some more appropriate alternate titles : post encounters of the worst kind ; farewell  my salary ; howard the postman ; the postman ', s never watched twice . . . ) what a brown movie . i hate brown . you love brown . dances with wolves was golden and brown - it looked like an eggo commercial . the postman had me running for a glass of water every two minutes ; would the post - apocalyptic world look this maddeningly bland and dry ? what exactly happened to this desert world  anyway ? did we all become so stupid that we didn ', t immediately begin rebuilding homes  restaurants  and most importantly  shopping malls  after " the war " ? why did you choose to drive the movie ', s plot with a dumb group of terrorists who  well  terrorize townfolk across america ? why is it only * they * have ammunition  anyway ? was it really appropriate to cast your daughter as a girl who has a sweet crush on you  the drifter - cum - postman ? why cast english actress olivia williams as an american ? don ', t you realize that european women can only deliver their big emotional scenes in their native accent ? ( take a look at the less - than - stellar performances of an american - ized nicole kidman or an american - ized minnie driver . ) who could give a damn whether you lived or died at the end of this movie ? if it came down to a fight for leadership between you and the leader of the terrorists  why didn ', t you do that halfway through the film and save us all a lot of headaches ? why cast will patton as the bad guy ? because you worked with him in no way out ? sure  he ', s a suitably creepy villain ; know why ? because he ', s creepy in everything  including armageddon  in which he plays a heroic astronaut who practically slithers into his space suit ! why heroize the most demonic institution in america  the u . s . postal system ? was tom petty supposed to be playing tom petty ? if so  why didn ', t he look more skeletal ? ( he should have been around 70 years old . ) why  oh why  do i have so many questions ? ( i could ask plenty more . ) shouldn ', t a three hour running time have provided you enough space to answer everything ? you have one great line in this film  and you deliver it to a mule ! : " the things i like about my ass . . . " i had to wonder . actually  i enjoyed the tone of the opening scenes  a relaxed cynicism  if you ', ll accept such clunky phrasing - too bad you couldn ', t resist the temptation to film yet another love letter to your country . ultimately  i ', m saying relax . there is no quota  no need for you to make a picture a year . settle down . really question future screenplays before you commit to them . feel free to write back . i know how much you like letters .
neg " i seem to have glued myself . . . to myself . " starring jason biggs  seann william scott  chris klein  thomas ian nichols  allyson hannigan  shannon elizabeth  natasha lyonne  tara reid  mena suvari  eugene levy  jennifer coolidge . directed by j . b . rogers . rated r . american pie 2 reunites the cast members from american pie in a different setting ; instead of being high school seniors looking to score before they graduate  they are now past their first year of college and have gathered in a beach house to enjoy the summer of their lives . jim ( jason biggs ) is still an insecure geek looking to improve his performance  oz ( chris klein ) is still the sweetest guy on the block  having sickeningly saccharine phone conversations with his studying - abroad girlfriend  stifler ( seann william scott ) is still a horny stoner  kevin ( thomas ian nichols ) still has no personality and finch ( eddie kaye thomas ) still longs for stifler ', s mom . have i missed anyone ? so  obviously  not much has changed . this is not a problem  provided that the movie boasts the rapid - fire hilarity and unexpectedly true sentiment of the original . but american pie 2 is the very definition of " sequelitis . " it ', s coarser  yes  and it pushes the envelope even more  but its heart isn ', t in it . it ', s easy cash to capitalize off the first film ', s success  but it would have been a worthier investment to prolong the franchise by coming up with something original . part of the reason why the film doesn ', t work  i think  is that while in the original the kids ', quest for sex was a coming - of - age stepping stone as much as an outlet for their horniness . here  everything has been cheapened . they behave like those idiot frat boys who kill themselves drinking ; they have no motivation except for sex  sex  beer and sex . that ', s not to say that you can ', t make a decent comedy from that premise  but it is one of american pie 2 ', s undoings . missing  too  is the sweetness that permeated american pie  the this - could - be - you quality of the main players . here  the characters are too aware of themselves as pop - culture icons  and they ', re even more one - note . stifler and finch are now caricatures while jim  oz and kevin are forced to make awkward self - discoveries at arbitrary moments  none of them betraying what the writers think the audiences want to see . and then there ', s the soon - to - be - notorious scene where jim superglues " himself to himself  " which perfectly demonstrates yet another of the film ', s ailments  one that also permeated say it isn ', t so  director j . b . rodgers ', debut . there ', s a fine line between comedy and abject humiliation  and american pie 2 is on the wrong side of it . it ', s hard to laugh at the characters when you are profoundly embarrassed for them . i shielded my eyes watching this more than i have watching any horror movie . if there ', s one redeeming factor to american pie 2  it ', s the inimitable eugene levy as jim ', s dad  who pops in on jim as he ', s about to score and utters lines like " your mother and i have been known to get frisky . . . not so much anymore  but . . . " and then when the girl ', s parents walk in  blurts out " this must be your daughter ! i didn ', t get her name  but hopefully my son did . " if only the rest of the movie had the wit and wisdom of levy ', s performance . this is an unworthy sequel to a gross - fest that brought back the raunchy teen comedy . the box - office of this onw should keep the genre going strong  which is disappointing . the genre needs a hiatus ; filmmakers are getting lazy .
neg i ', ll be the first to admit it . when you mention the book great expectations  i immediately begin experiencing flashbacks to junior high english class  where i was confronted with a torturously boring book filled with people with such nonsensical names as pip and magwitch . yes  it ', s a classic of literature  but it was a rather dry one  shoved down my young throat like a spoonful of bitter medicine . certainly  the experience wasn ', t truly that bad  but  to quote ethan hawke in the latest movie adaptation of said book  " i ', m not going to tell the story the way it happened . . . i ', ll gonna tell it the way i remember it . " anyway  to return from nostalgia lane  and get back to the present  hollywood  in it ', s trendy attempt to modernize the classics  now presents an updated film version of great expectations . instead of pip  this time the central character is named finn ( played as a boy by jeremy kissner  and by ethan hawke as an adult ) . finn is an orphan being raised by his unfaithful sister maggie  or should that be mrs . joe  ( kim dickens )  and her boorish fisherman husband  joe ( chris cooper ) . the setting is the florida coast during the mid - 70s . finn is a blooming artist  and spends his time running around the beach drawing fish ( one of his two favorite subjects ) . during one of these escapades  he literally stumbles upon an escaped criminal ( robert deniro ) . borrowing a page from the superhuman max cady  deniro ', s criminal has a seemingly limitless lung capacity  and favors hiding on the ocean floor . ok . . . maybe that ', s an exaggeration  but he certainly beats any of houdini ', s records in the opening scenes of the film . and that ', s nothing next to the fuel efficiency of finn ', s motorboat  but i digress . anyway  finn does the convict a good deed  just to show that he ', s a really swell guy . and then the plot moves on . enter miss havisham . . . or ms . dinsmoor here ( anne bancroft ) . abandoned at the altar some 26 years ago  ms . dinsmoor is the epitome of the crazy rich old maid . with bizarre clothing  eccentric mannerisms and a few pounds of makeup  anne bancroft seriously overacts in this role . although she ends up nowhere near a believable character  she does add some humor to the film . joe is hired to help with the gardening at her unkempt manner  but the insane ms . dinsmoor soon hires finn to be a plaything for her niece  estella ( raquel beaudene as a young girl  gwyneth paltrow as an adult ) . for no apparent reason  other than to provide the main plot of the film  finn is instantly stricken for the estella . perhaps it ', s her snooty attitude or her utter disdain for his person  or maybe finn has simply never met a girl before . in any case  neither as children nor adults  chemistry simply doesn ', t exist between the two  and yet finn spends the remainder of the film pining for her . even when  as an adult  finn arrives in new york at the behest of a mysterious benefactor  reacquaints himself with estella  and draws her portrait in the nude  there ', s nothing . in fact  there is more sexual tension between helen hunt and greg kinnear ', s gay artist during a similar scene in as good as it gets . at this point  the audience has grown as cold and detached as estella ', s character  and couldn ', t care less about the two characters . the bulk of the blame here falls upon gwyneth paltrow . she fails to imbue estella  a remote character in the book  with even the vaguest traces of humanity . there ', s obviously something wrong when  watching the film  you ', re more interested with how big her nose looks in silhouette than you are about her character . without a strong estella  finn ', s obsession seems baseless . you wish he would just stop whining  let estella marry his rival  walter plane ( an oddly subdued hank azaria )  and just get on with his life . in fact  the two relationships that work in the film are purely tangential to the main plot . finn ', s relationship with his brother - in - law  joe  is interesting  if a bit stereotypical . what ', s more fascinating are his interactions with deniro . although it ', s only a bit part  it goes to show how much vitality a strong actor can create . it is apparent that director alfonso cuarsn put a lot of work in creating the imagery of the film . some of the shots work  but others are too obviously staged ( for example  both of the water fountain scenes ) to have any impact . finn ', s art ( actually the creations of italian painter  francesco clemente ) is used throughout the film  but it mostly fails to have the intended effect . we never see why finn would generate this style of art  which is simultaneously crude and insightful . as a result  it ends up as distant as the rest of the film . modernizing the classics is currently in vogue ( just see william shakespeare ', s romeo + juliet ) . simply update the action to a modern setting  and apply plenty of modern rock . but such adornments do little to perk up great expectations . as much as i dreaded the novel when i first read it  you ', d probably be better off suffering though a reading than watching this romanceless film .
neg " you damn dirty apes ! " that ', s just one of the inadvertenty hilarious lines from planet of the apes that ', s taken on a comedic context over time . no one back then seemed to realize how over - the - top charlton heston ', s acting style was  but it shows now  particularly in this " mystery science theater 3000 " wannabe that was taken for a film masterpiece in its time  actually winning one oscar ( for makeup  no less ) and being nominated for a couple others . it also spawned multiple sequels like beneath the planet of the apes  escape from the planet of the apes  return of the planet of the apes  beneath the escape from the return of the planet of the apes  planet of the apes : the next generation  police academy of the apes . . . the list goes on . heston is an american astronaut who spends a few thousand light years in space with his three companions and ends up on a planet not too dissimilar from earth . the thing is  on this planet humans can ', t talk or think and the guys in the gorilla masks are the dominant species . heston ', s companions are killed or turned into vegetables by the apon is imprisoned . he surprises them all with his gift of speech  making two primate scientists ( roddy mcdowall and kim hunter ) believe heston is the missing link between ape and man . believe me  we movie critics have been thinking the same thing for years . when the two apes present the idea before a judicial counsel ( the head ape being shakespearean actor maurice evans )  it is received as heresy  for all good monkeys know god " created ape in his image . " but heston has already seen a cave that contains evidence that humans were originally the dominant species  before apes ever gained the ability to speak and run for president . and he takes them there  holding up a baby doll and yelling  " if humans couldn ', t speak  then how do you account for this talking doll ? ! " and how do you account for your acting ability  mr . heston ? the absolute most laughable scene comes with the movie ', s surprise conclusion . i won ', t reveal the details except to say it involves heston falling to his knees on a beach and yelling " god damn you all to hell ! " several times in succession . the movie is atrocious and should only be viewed by those members of society who like to watch bad movies and laugh at them . what makes planet of the apes even more amusing is that it was supposed to function as some sort of social irony  a condemnation of fundamentals who reject the theories of evolution . but let me tell you  if darwin could see the ape masks and hear the rotten dialogue exchanges ( heston [ to female ape ] : may i kiss you before i go ? ape : but . . . you ', re so . . . ugly . )  he ', d convert to creationism on the spot . luckily for us  science - fiction movies have evolved over time to the point at which some of them are actually good .
neg new address . same old attitude . don ', t forget to recommend a film  read the journal  or send me some of that nasty hate mail . ) starring bruce willis  billy bob thornton  liv tyler  ben affleck written by jonathan hensleigh and j . j . abrams directed by michael bay it rocks - actually  lots of rocks fly at us or from us  in slow or fast motion  at several points in the film . they seem like dangerous rocks because they kind of twirl through the air instead of just propelling forward  and when they land - once in a while  when we need a break from the space sequences - they cause damage enough to destroy the chrysler building and the like . ( nary a mention of these apocalyptic events is made after they occur . ) they also just might be the most interesting element of armageddon  a steroid user ', s answer to deep impact . bruce willis stars as harry stamper  a famed oil - driller commissioned by the white house and nasa to stop a giant asteroid before it travels beyond " zero barrier " and destroys our planet . why an oil driller ? they require someone experienced with deep - core mining to plant a nuclear missile into said asteroid . ( in one unintentionally ( ? ) hilarious sequence  nasa asks harry to inspect a deep - core driller they built based on his own blueprints ; it is poorly constructed - harry criticizes almost every aspect of it . we trust nasa to build space shuttles that can land on twirling asteroids ? ) harry assembles the obligatory " ragtag " bunch of " cowboys "  including a blond guy  a fat guy  a black guy  a wiseass  and the man who is sleeping with his daughter ( affleck ) . once they reach space  we experience sequence after sequence of something going wrong - perhaps the fact that they sent a bunch of nincompoops into outer space has something to do with it ; i cannot count the number of times they almost fail the mission on all my fingers and toes . whether or not they save the day  i will not reveal . nor will you care . i will say this : you know you ', re in trouble when deep impact dwarfs your asteroid movie in terms of emotion and scope . willis has barely a chance to come alive ; ditto for affleck . their big scenes are mostly reserved for the third act  in a last minute - and futile - attempt to inject warmth into the material . steve buscemi ', s character - the wiseass - is exceptionally problematic . " rockhound "  as he ', s called  is sarcastic and foolish  so they tape him to a chair  where he spends most of the film . so why did they bring him up there to begin with ? rather  why write him into the film ? - give his almost - witty one - liners to serious willis  who scowls and mopes and demonstrates psychotic tendencies : at one point he chases after affleck with his shotgun for screwing his daughter  firing often and causing significant damage to his oil rig . i ', m guessing he qualifies under nasa guidelines as someone unfit for space travel  at least in my world where the sky is blue . liv tyler is pretty and humourless  as always ; suspiciously  four of her father ', s band ', s ( " aerosmith " ) songs grace the soundtrack . director michael bay lays the visual and sound effects on thick  like ketchup  eventually drowning the movie on - screen . ( the middle hour is a non - sensical  pyrotechnic assault on the average primate ', s brain . ) whenever someone dies in this movie  a crew member inevitably yells out " we lost ( insert dead person ', s last name here ) ! " i must admit that not once could i distinguish a dead oil - guy - cum - astronaut from a live one  and close - ups of the corpses ', faces beneath cracked helmets provided little assistance  as their skin was often covered in fake blood . armageddon is not as terrible movie as godzilla . it looks nicer  and has fewer plot - holes within its equally ludicrous framework . it has a vivid soundmix . but at almost two - and - a - half hours  i could not believe how little actually happened over the course of the story . the love story has been played up in the ads  perhaps hoping to catch people before they recover from titanic - fever . bollocks ! the lovers in the film are miles apart throughout - erase all thoughts of nude sketching or car - sex and replace them with obligatory shots of liv tyler tearing up while ben affleck dicks around in a moon - crawler . remember a little film called jaws ? in this film  three independent - minded men suddenly found themselves on a fishing boat in pursuit of a deadly shark . they didn ', t much like each other at first ; eventually  they started to respect one another . one of jaws ', great scenes involved the would - be - ahabs drinking and singing songs and telling stories . this is the sort of male - bonding foreign to bay or his producer  jerry bruckheimer  who throw too many characters into the mix and expect we ', ll care about them on the grounds that the world is about to end . not once do we get the feeling that these characters are even acquaintances - i ', d be surprised if these actors bothered to introduce themselves to one another before " action " was called . a male friend who loved the film suggested to me that perhaps i cannot relate to a bunch of men who don ', t bare their souls  who believe in dying macho concepts like heroism and a kind of chest - beating bravery . to this  i will respond that the boys in armageddon are neither heroic  nor brave  nor smart  even : this team couldn ', t build a birdhouse . and if i get no respect for disliking a movie with all the synthetic feeling of a trailer - a trailer for a movie written by a team of body - builders and greeting card authors - i ', ve never been a prouder wimp my whole life .
neg the one question that eats at me after seeing corky romano is why touchstone spent so much money marketing this throwaway film . since june  i haven ', t been able to turn on the tv or go to the movies without getting hit by some ad depicting chris kattan as the spastic corky  shrieking out a - ha ', s " take on me " in his yellow miata . why would disney sink so much cash into the corky hype machine ? honestly  i was hoping that all the goofball ads were actually a front for a decently funny movie . man  was i wrong . corky romano is one of those throwaway  clich ? - ridden tv - star - to - film vehicles built upon the most rickety of plots . fortunately for chris kattan ', s precariously positioned career  corky does have some good laughs  even if most of them are of the lowest - brow variety . kattan plays the title character  the unsinkable assistant veterinarian corky who has a penchant for sunshiny ', 80s tunes  bright ties  and banal coffee mug slogans ( " you don ', t have to be crazy to work here  but it sure helps . " ) . when his mob boss dad ( peter falk ) is about to be put away on murder charges  his bungling  lughead brothers ( peter berg and chris penn ) rope in innocent  black sheep corky to infiltrate the fbi as an agent and steal the evidence . predictably  hijinks ensue . if the basic plot sounds bad  wait until you get into the inner - workings of this clunker . the writers will amaze you with the depth of their inanity . corky ', s fbi agent identity is named corky pissant ( " that ', s pronounced pees - ahn . it ', s french . " ) . he becomes a first - rate agent by accidentally stumbling mr . magoo - style onto the proper clues and talking his way in and out of situations  which plays like something out of a sitcom . and not a good sitcom  i mean . the romano family brothers even insult each other by farting in each other ', s face . and in a scene taken straight from there ', s something about mary  corky gives a dachshund mouth - to - mouth resuscitation . but it ', s not a complete disaster . the manic kattan does occasionally rescue some comic moments  including a bit featuring a cat in a fat suit named jesus and another involving schoolchildren  a german shephard  and a kilo of cocaine . plus  berg -- whose career has obviously gone downhill since the last seduction and chicago hope -- gives a great turn as the illiterate brother paulie . and  it ', s nice to see that richard roundtree of shaft fame is getting work . unfortunately for those out there who can ', t truly appreciate animal or fart jokes  corky won ', t have much to offer you . so the next time one of those pesky ads appears on your tv  asking  " who is corky ? " you can simply reply  " who cares ? "
neg kids today  they don ', t just want to see heartthrob and master thespian freddie prinze jr . loving on the ladies . no  they want to see him doing something that takes a little more in the acting department : namely  playing baseball . through a series of drippy voiceovers  we are informed that there ', s no better proving ground for major league baseball than the cape cod summer baseball leagues  where college also - rans and hopeful dropouts go to play in the hopes of attracting big league attention . our man freddie has landed a spot as a pitcher on the prestigious chatham a ', s  where he is hoping for his big break . it ', s only after he is given ample time to show off his abs and scamper about in a woman ', s thong ( don ', t ask ) that we learn what the real story of summer catch will be : that prinze is a poor townie named ryan dunne  struggling to make a name for himself ; that neither his father ( fred ward ) nor brother ( jason gedrick ) pulled themselves out of their blue collar jobs and resent anyone who tries ; and that the local beauty tenley -- tenley ! ( jessica biel ) -- is so far out of his league that he probably shouldn ', t even bother . . . but of course he makes a play for her . summer catch also makes an abortive stab at another half a dozen subplots -- the jealousy of fellow townie and brazen slut dee dee ( brittany murphy )  the alienation felt by ryan ', s non - baseball playing best friend ( gabriel mann )  or the fat chick fetish of fellow player miles ( marc blucas ) . worst of these is a ludicrous bit involving that ', 70s show ', s wilmer valderrama and beverly d ', angelo  both of whom appear in the film simply to provide a nutty mrs . robinson - like substory and to remind you of how much better done that was in bull durham . in fact  virtually all of summer catch feels like it ', s been done better somewhere else . for starters  the film has a major question of identity . it ', s definitely not a sports movie  and it fails pretty miserably at being a romance . the worst part is the amateurish script ( co - written by an arli $$ writing alumnus and a guy that starred in leprechaun 3 )  chock - full of phony emotion . by the end  it all becomes a platform for each character to deliver a soliloquy to ryan that he must take to heart . dad is on hand to give fatherly yet drunken advice . coach ( brian dennehy  just loving the fact that he ', s got some work on the big screen ) is on hand to give the curmudgeonly counterpoint . ryan ', s catcher ( matthew lillard  playing himself again ) is on hand to tell ryan to " play catch " with him and make fun of the fat fetish guy . ryan ', s stoner best friend is on hand to give the go - get "-'", em - tiger - we ', re - behind - you talk . and the girlfriend is on hand to give heartwarming - nuzzly - follow - your - dreams counsel . before long  you start to wonder : is freddy prinze jr . is capable of having a thought of his own ? don ', t answer that . the only real joy in the film is found in biel ', s character  and not just because of the skimpy outfits  which are also usually wet . she ', s the only one in the movie that is able to do much with her role  taking the rebelling - against - daddy character to at least a passing grade . when she ', s on screen  the time flies by . when she ', s not  you realize that for some ungodly reason this movie is almost two hours long . for a pg - 13 teen romance ( despite near - constant sexual innuendo )  one has to ask warner brothers : what were you thinking ? ? ? for her part  biel has fallen so far from her 7th heaven roots that she has almost become denise richards . hollywood is either about to eat her alive . . . or vice versa . either way  good luck  jessica . as for freddie  if he keeps pumping teen romances out at the rate of two a year  prinze ', s next " summer catch " is liable to be a venereal disease .
neg plot : two sister witches have to live with a curse placed upon their family  which prevents them from ever enjoying a full life with a lover . the hex invokes the eventual demise of their loved one . when one of their past loves comes back to haunt them  they have to figure a way out of their eternal dilemma . critique : i ', ve been waiting for a good witch movie for a while now  but hold on to your brooms and incantations  cause this puppy is far from being it ! for a film that has the word " magic " in its title  this movie contains very few moments of magic . . . or humor for that matter  drama  suspense  or romance . well actually  there is some manufactured romance within a plot that is so muddled  it never lets you in on whether it ', s a comedy  a drama  a horror show  or a murder mystery . or maybe it ', s a romance  eh ? it doesn ', t really matter  cause the characters in the film are so boring and uninteresting  that you have absolutely no basis on which to care for them  or the film as a whole . if only the filmmakers had spent as much time on the plot as they did the sinfully obvious soundtrack  this film might ', ve had a chance to be more than what it is now . which is an unentertaining  crappy film that uses the witch angle as a diversionary tactic to weave us away from its grab - bag of stupid voice - overs  overdone songs  melodramatic romance  undeveloped story and uneven acting . i only wish that i could make that one hour and forty - five minutes of my life re - appear  but alas  it is lost in the spiritual world of " interesting ideas gone wildly awry " . little known facts about this film and its stars : this film is based on the novel written by alice hoffman . co - screenwriter akiva goldsman also wrote the screenplay for 1997 ', s batman & robin . director griffin dunne is known mainly as an actor in such films as an american werewolf in london and after hours .
neg tri - star ; rated r ( language  sexual situations  violence ) ; 87 minutes director and writer : darren stein cast : rose mcgowan  rebecca gayheart  judy greer  julie benz  chad christ  ethan erickson  carol kane  pam grier  tatyana m . ali . review by : geoff berkshire jawbreaker is the very definition of a " rip - off . " this uninspired teen comedy takes equal parts carrie ( 1976 )  heathers ( 1989 ) and clueless ( 1995 ) and mixes in all the necessary teen movie clich ? s . along the way writer / director darren stein forgets to give the film a life of its own . the film opens with a voice over from geeky fern mayo ( judy greer ) about the four most popular girls at reagan high : courtney shayne ( rose mcgowan ) who can basically be summed up as satan in heels  julie freeman ( rebecca gayheart ) a good girl with the face of a supermodel  marcie fox ( julie benz ) a dim - witted blonde who demands that people call her " foxy "  and liz purr ( charlotte roldan ) an angel in disguise . liz is everyone ', s favorite because she ', s both beautiful and kind . liz is about to turn 17 and  as a prank  courtney convinces the other girls to help her in kidnapping liz on her birthday morning . in order to keep liz from making any noise courtney stuffs a jawbreaker into her mouth before they gag her . they then stuff liz in the trunk of courtney ', s car but when they open it later  polaroid camera waiting to capture the moment  their lives will never be the same : poor liz has swallowed the jawbreaker and choked to death with it lodged in her throat ( the audience is treated to a few too many graphic looks at liz ', s dead body ) . courtney  thinking fast  decides to pass the death off as a rape / murder and marcie and a reluctant julie assist her . things get complicated when fern discovers what the three girls are up to . in order to keep her quiet courtney comes up with another plan and transforms geeky fern into " vylette "  hoping that she will also help to replace liz in the minds of the devastated students . up until about this point the film is effective enough . however  an investigation begins into liz ', s death and the film becomes excessively dull . the recently rediscovered talents of pam grier are thoroughly wasted in the role of detective vera cruz and the film is downright insipid in its treatment of both the characters and the audience during this long middle stretch . courtney ', s plan to frame a sleazy guy ( marilyn manson  in a brief cameo ) is never believable for a second . meanwhile  the audience is stuck watching a string of random events which fail to develop the characters or add anything of interest to the plot . julie leaves the group and begins a lame romance with aspiring actor zack ( chad christ ) . he apparently gives her the courage to turn on courtney but the way things develop only make julie look stupid . fern ', s rise to popularity is equally lame . we do get the best scene in the film ( the only one with a spark of originality ) during this section . it ', s a smart and subversive bit where courtney gets the high school ', s resident jock stud dane ( ethan erickson ) to demonstrate  using a popsicle  exactly what he would like for her to do to him . it at least provides us with a look at courtney ', s personality but the way the scene finishes doesn ', t make any sense . stein is very conscious of the teen movie tradition he is working in and not only freely borrows major plot elements but also includes direct acknowledgment of this with some stunt casting . william katt and p . j . soles ( students in carrie ) are liz ', s distraught parents  jeff conaway ( from grease ( 1978 ) ) is julie ', s creepy single dad and carol kane ( the frightened babysitter in when a stranger calls ( 1979 ) ) camps it up as principal miss sherman . at times jawbreaker feels simply like teen cinema ', s greatest hits but the audience is cheated with watered down interpretations of the best this genre has to offer . the only notable aspect of jawbreaker is the incredibly stylish look . the costume design by vickie brinkford and the production design by jerry fleming are both bright and vivid . they were apparently instructed to work from the color palette of a jawbreaker and the screen is always splashed with bits of vibrant color . director of photography amy vicent  who beautifully lensed eve ', s bayou ( 1997 )  does a remarkable job here as well . shot composition and camera movement is consistently impressive . performances are mostly sub - par with mcgowan providing only a few good moments ( compared with her excellent work in the doom generation ( 1995 ) and scream ( 1996 ) ) and gayheart making the biggest impression due to the sweet nature of her character and her obvious beauty . none of the actors look as if they have set foot inside a high school within the last five years with the exception of actress / singer tatyana ali  who has a small role as a cheerleader . the male cast all resemble male models and are credited with names like " auto stud  " " college stud  " and " high school stud # 2 . " the soundtrack is decent and imperial teen ', s catchy " yoo hoo " makes a bigger impression than any other aspect of the film .
neg " with all that education  you should know what happiness is . " starring sylvia chang  teresa hu  hsu ming  li lieh  mao hsueh - wei ; directed by edward yang ; written by yang and wu nien - chen ; cinematography by christopher doyle and chang hui - kung every country has  eventually  its new wave . france had its nouvelle vague  brazil its cinema novo  china its fifth generation  and on and on . some waves just take longer than others  before they wash over us  cleansing us with the balm of discovery . taiwan ', s new wave came in the 1980s  in the work of directors like hou hsiao - hsien  wan jen  and edward yang ; that day  on the beach -- yang ', s first feature -- is central . it created a new language for young taiwanese directors  even if the first attempts to speak that language were hesitant and faltering . later works refined the techniques that yang first explored here  giving taiwan a distinctive international presence . that day itself is long and frustrating  the document of a nation ', s attempt to find a voice . it does not lack ambition . it anatomizes urban life in modern taiwan  in the manner of antonioni  elaborating the alienation that the westernized white - collar middle - class feel as their lives are shaped by old - fashioned roles -- dedicated career men  loyal housewives -- that they find unfulfilling . jia - li ( sylvia chang ) is the focus  but the film brings others into its compass -- her husband  her brother  friends from her college days -- as it charts her discontents . no one is happy . jia - li married her husband  we - lei  at a young age . at the time  her brother had been urged into an arranged marriage  despite his affection for another woman  and so jia - li ', s marriage seemed  in comparison  a good one : she chose we - lei of her own free will  they loved each other . but it goes wrong . that day dutifully presents all the clich ? s : we - lei becomes absorbed in his career  indulges in an affair with a co - worker ; jia - li feels restless and trapped  bound by a choice she made while young  but which no longer seems wise . the film never redeems these clich ? s by conveying the feel of authentic experience  the intensity of lived pain  and much of it seems trite and belaboured . it unfolds  awkwardly  as a series of flashbacks  told during a luncheon in vienna  where jia - li meets her brother ', s old flame ( teresa hu )  now a concert pianist  whom she has not seen since college . both women seem rather sad  and resigned to their sadness . their circumstances ( and those of jia - li ', s brother and a college friend ) suggest not so much that they have made the wrong choices -- married the wrong man  chosen the wrong career path  etc . -- but rather that the choices available to them were inadequate . it is not that jia - li married the wrong man ; she didn ', t . the problem is that she needed to marry at all -- and that if she did not marry  she would still be just as unhappy . for a woman in modern taiwan  that day tells us  the cards are stacked  the dice are loaded : she can play the game  but the house always wins . the film ', s sympathetic feminist implications are presumably the reason it caused such controversy upon its release in taiwan . seen now  it does not seem provocative . indeed  it ', s hard to imagine anyone having felt passionate enough about the film to generate any controversy : it may be ambitious  it may be innovative  but it is also terribly  terribly dull . and what was new for taiwan was not necessarily new for the rest of us : yang adopts methods established years before by antonioni and others  and his use of those methods is fumbling  uncertain  undisciplined . nor does he bring anything new -- other than the locale -- to the material . there are moments when that day takes on some of the emotional richness it strives for -- in a young couple ', s first kiss  in the awkward meeting of a woman and her husband ', s mistress -- but they are brief . too often  yang devotes needless time to mundane scenes -- grocery shopping  flower - arranging -- in which nothing happens  little is said  no emotion imparted . perhaps  if the film were content to focus on such reflective  inward moments  leaving us to guess at thoughts and feelings  it might have been ambiguous  suggestive  insinuating . but jia - li and her disaffected companions do not only brood in silence : they talk about their problems  at length  in detail  redundantly  and eliminate all subtleties . at two hours and forty - five minutes  it all seems exorbitantly long  indulgently long - winded . consider the defining moment for jia - li  the titular day on the beach . the thrust of the whole film explains  easily enough  what we are to think of that moment  what it means when she walks away from a particular situation . even so  the film has not one but two characters explain it for us verbally  in case we may have missed the point . needless time is devoted to expressing what should have remained unexpressed  and that is the problem throughout . the look of the film is as tedious as the drawn - out narrative . it was the first feature shot by christopher doyle -- at least  it ', s his name in the credits -- who is now rightly regarded as one of the world ', s leading cinematographers . in the freewheeling expressionism of his work with directors like chen kaige and wong kar - wai  he seems incapable of fashioning a boring image . you would never know it from watching that day  which  due either to doyle ', s inexperience or yang ', s humdrum direction  is almost perverse in its insistence on making the physical environment seem as drab and banal as possible . in scrutinizing the long decay of a marriage  that day manages to capture the ennui of the experience  but none of the damage  none of the heartbreak .
neg the first in a very long list of things wrong with " i still know what you did last summer " is the title . think about it for a second . if the last movie was called " i know what you did last summer "  wouldn ', t the next movie have to be " i still know what you did two summers ago " ? if anyone working on this movie had an i . q . greater than five would have thought about it logically and said  " hey . . . wait a minute " . but alas  the people behind this film are obviously idiots  so i won ', t hold them to that . what i will hold them to is the fact that they have a pretty bad movie on their hands  even for a teenage slasher flick . i guess i ', m one of the few critics who actually kind of liked the original film ( emphasis on the " kind of " ) . it wasn ', t great or anything and maybe not even necessarily good  but at least it didn ', t have me glancing at my watch every minute or so like it ', s sequel did . there are just so many problems with this movie that it ', s hard trying to figure out where to start . first of all  i guess  is the setting . the movie offers no rational reason why the film had to take place in the bahamas  other than the fact that the producers wanted a seaside setting . exactly why does the fisherman want to go through all the trouble of faking a radio contest to get julie james ( jennifer love hewitt  one of the only survivors of the first film ) and her new college buddies out to the islands before he hacks them up ? the movie suffers from this kind of logic all the way through . in one scene  julie is in a tanning booth at a deserted gym when the hooked fisherman with the slicker comes in and seals up the booth so the damsel in distress can ', t get out  no matter how hard she tries . when julie discovers she ', s going to slowly fry to death  she screams for help and her friends come to her rescue . now  this is all fine and dandy except for one thing ; instead of spending five minutes trying to bust open the booth  why not just turn the freakin ', thing off ? in another scene  one of the characters  after having their significant other all but decapitated by the man in the slicker  says to julie  " just don ', t tell anybody it rained the whole time . " oh yeah  i ', ve just been terrorized by a hook wielding sociopath and had some of my best friends gruesomely slaughtered  but hey  i ', ll crack jokes anyway . after all  it is in the script . the film ', s only saving graces are a few well - executed suspense sequences and a really cool cameo by the " re - animator himself  jeffrey combs . he brings some good comic relief and life to an otherwise limp movie . way to go  jeffrey . i have a hunch that the reason this film fizzles while the first one at least kept it ', s head above water is the recent absence of writer kevin williamson . with " scream " and even it ', s sequel  he displayed a real talent as a screenwriter . his ear for dialogue and the terrific endings he puts on all his films make him a standout from all the rest of the horror writers  and i think " i still know " has really suffered by not having him on board . the cool atmosphere is still there this time around  but i just didn ', t like the characters or the writing as much as i did in the first one . even though the movie doesn ', t have williamson  it still has a hacky ending  trying to do what kevin did with the first two " scream " s by ( some may consider this a spoiler  but if you have seen any horror movies whatsoever  then you should be able to guess the identity of the madman within twenty minutes ) having two killers and  this time  having one of them being a family member to the other . i think someone in the audience put it best when  after the movie had ended with another " the killer is back ! " cliffhanger  he said " who is this time  the grandma ? " all in all  " i still know " tries to be as successful as the first the film was  but really fails in the attempt . i mean  it ', s okay when slasher movies rip - off each other  but when they start copying themselves . . .
neg " there ', s nothing new under the sun " is a phrase often used when the speaker actually means " let ', s find something to copy . " of course there are very few completely original ideas . even earth - shattering concepts are built upon the vast body of human experience . there is  after all  no need to re - invent the wheel time after time . recently it seems that hollywood doesn ', t feel the need to even re - write the script . my understanding of the word " sequel " is a continuation of the story . the film industry has defined the word to mean reshooting the original with minor changes . have an overwhelming desire to see an inferior version of brian depalma ', s adaptation of the steven king novel ? this is your dream come true . rachel ( emily bergl )  a high school outcast  is beginning to notice weird things happening around her . doors slam shut by themselves . glass globes blow up . her mother has severe mental problems and her father is absent . a popular boy unexpectedly asks her out . the in - crowd conspires to embarrass her at a public event . any of this sound familiar ? once the audience catches on that this is the same story as " carrie "  there ', s little to do but wait for the inevitable ending . the effects are a bit better this time around  but the film doesn ', t work nearly as well . there are a couple of minor plot differences . rachel lives with foster parents because her mother is institutionalized . the boys at her school are portrayed as even more evil than in the original . they keep score of their scoring with points given for each conquest . and  uh  there must be other story changes but none stand out . one nice touch is the casting of amy irving again as sue snell . over 20 years ago she was the one girl who tried to help carrie . now a high school counselor  she befriends rachel  but her character ', s potential is squandered . there ', s too much about sue that doesn ', t make sense . after the slaughter when carrie kills most of her classmates  sue is driven mad and spends time in the institution that rachel ', s mother is in . still living in the same small town  the woman with a well - known history of mental problems is hired as a high school counselor ? sue tells rachel that her telekinesis is a genetic disease . this may be the one original idea in the film  but the reasoning behind describing psychic powers as a " disease " is never explained . sue ', s eventual fate is an admission by director katt shea and writer rafael moreu that they had an interesting character but couldn ', t figure out what to do with her . blink and you ', ll miss it . some of the events are filmed in black and white  but the rationale for this is unknown . it doesn ', t add anything and the choice of scenes appears somewhat random . " the rage " retains some of the trappings of " carrie " without the meaning . in the first film the color red was a motif connected to carrie ', s onset of powers at the same time she began menstruating . here there ', s an abundance of red  but for no apparent purpose . the casting of high school jocks and cheerleaders as villains is beginning to wear thin . one might be lead to suspect that most filmmakers were unpopular in school and the history of teenage films is an extended cinematic revenge of the nerds . the biggest mistake the film makes is including clips of the original . seeing sissy spacek on the screen only points to the quality of that film - and the flaws in this one .
neg plot outline - wendy ( samantha press )  a jazz singer  loves mack ( hugo race ) a criminal and wanna be rock singer who ', s planning a bank heist . mack is also being tailed by a couple of cops  one an inexperienced rookie ( dominic sweeney )  the other ( john flaus ) a worn out veteran who frequents wendy ', s jazz club . they ', re tailing mack  because he has an audiotape that may show evidence of governmental corruption . meanwhile wendy ', s sexually awakener  fifteen year old sister ( rebecca elmaloglou ) has moved in with her  and is secretly watching mack and wendy ', s late night love trysts ? much zaniness ensues the review : main problem first - about 2 % of rood rock star to actor conversions in filmdom ever really work . unfortunately  trying to cast hugo race as a violent  sexy criminal falls into the " what the hell where they thinking " category that takes up 98 % of the rest . but  hell  it ', s not as if he ', s the only problem in this well - intentioned but ultimately below average aussie thriller . leads  race and samantha press are wooden and dull  hampered by some unfortunate attempts at sexy dialogue early on . though they do manage some heat later in their love scenes  helped  no doubt by them keeping their mouths shut . the film suffers every time the story shifts back to these two . which is unfortunately  the other main story isn ', t any great shakes either . the second part  concerning two cops  political corruption and that elusive tape is incredibly muddled . at many points during the movie i had no idea what was going on  a situation that didn ', t improve on repeated viewing . there is no doubt that this film ', s achilles heel is its script . as for the rest of the cast  it ', s a mixed bag . john flaus  one of australia ', s most criminally underused actors  is in top form as the withering  alcoholic jazz fan cop  who may or may not have sold out to the highest bidder . although he falters at one point  when the script calls for him to get up on stage and deliver a drunken beat sermon  but believe me  they way it was written  no one could have pulled it off . dominic sweeney is fine  though he seems to be uneasy in front of the lens but he really isn ', t given a whole lot to do . pre home and away elmaloglou is pretty good as the inquisitive jojo  but her character seems extraneous to the story  well  at least until the final scenes . i must admit  in too deep does have some impressive qualities  not the least of which is it visual element . cinematographers mark gilfedder & peter zakharov have achieved the almost impossible by making melbourne look like a sweat drenched tropic city  which is akin to turning london into san paolo . the bar is an oppressive red  like all of it ', s patrons are being baked while they drink  outside it hazy orange by day and cool blue by night . if only deborah parson ', s script could have supported this idea better . having two director ', s ( colin south & john tatoulis ) doesn ', t help either  the most glaring example of which is the final retribution / fight scene  where for some reason the camera pulls away from the onscreen action  and more importantly it doesn ', t pull away to anything else . it just stays static as the fight happens in the distance . it has no reason to it ; it ', s just bad direction . and  ultimately  that is what sums up in too deep  it ', s tries to be good  and you want it to work  but  it ', s just lacking the talent behind it  that it needs to succeed .
neg the scene at the end of 1989 ', s ` dead poets society  ', when robin williams ', english students stand up on their desk and say  ` captain  my captain  ', gets me every time . unfortunately  the court room scene near the end of robin ', s newest film  ` patch adams  ', doesn ', t have anywhere near the same impact . from the surface ` patch adams ', looks very promising . it ', s a story about a not so young man  patch adams ( robin williams )  who finds meaning in his life through helping sick people . when the film opens  we find patch  depressed and suicidal  checking himself into a mental hospital . in a few scenes  strongly reminiscent of ` one flew over the cuckoo ', s nest  ', he ends up helping the patients through their problems ; and it ', s here that he finds how much he loves working with people . so he checks himself out of the hospital  and heads straight to medical school . right from the start  patch uses comedy to help make the patient more comfortable . he continuously breaks medical tradition and makes the dean of the school angry . shortly after joining medical school  he meets and falls in love with carin ( monica potter ) . they  along with patch ', s dork friend  truman ( daniel london )  start a medical clinic for uninsured people . once the dean catches wind of the clinic  he tells patch he can ', t graduate and kicks him out of school . patch  like what any true american would do  takes the school to court . it ', s here where the not so climatic court room battle takes place  over whether or not patch can become a real doctor . i have never seen a movie with some potential just completely blow it . it seems more like a series of short sketches  rather than a full - length movie . considering it runs almost two hours  much too long for such a light film  it could have flowed much smoother . not to mention the fact of how serious the film takes itself  and manages to cover all the cliches of bad melodrama . robin williams saves the film from being abysmal with several comic scenes that elevate the movie to entertaining and worthwhile levels . but those moments are rare and in the end ` patch adams ', is barely average .
neg the real blonde ( r ) a woman ', s face  an arm  some pumped - up pectorals  blond hair  a man ', s sad face  slender legs  a random hand here and there . as the opening credits of tom dicillo ', s the real blonde unfold  these scattered  fractured glimpses eventually come together to form the image of a bikini brief - clad man on his knees clinging to a nurturing woman  his head concealing her unclothed breasts . if only the rest of this formless  aimless ensemble comedy assembled so coherently . joe ( matthew modine ) is a waiter / struggling actor too proud to take gigs in commercials or soap operas . he ', s feeling somewhat dissatisfied with his relationship with his live - in love  mary ( catherine keener )  who holds some subconscious hostility toward the male gender . mary  a makeup artist  regularly works on model sahara ( bridgette wilson )  who is obsessed with the underlying messages in disney ', s the little mermaid . the bottle blonde has a turbulent on - again  off - again relationship with bob ( maxwell caulfield )  a soap actor who yearns for the taste of a real blonde  which he finds in co - star kelly ( daryl hannah ) . as the film unspools  a variety of other characters pass through : fashion photographer blair ( marlo thomas ) ; mary ', s shrink ( buck henry ) and self - defense instructor ( denis leary ) ; joe ', s casting agent ( kathleen turner ) and hardass boss ( christopher lloyd ) ; and a mystery woman ( elizabeth berkley ) who keeps on crossing joe ', s path . where exactly does all this go ? that ', s a question best posed to writer - director dicillo  who doesn ', t appear to have the slightest clue himself . his meandering  largely unfunny script and direction are like hopelessly lost drivers  turning into dead - end narrative streets only to reverse course and hit another creative cul - de - sac . and another . and another . at one point bob  frustrated with the soap scripts  complains to the head writer ( jim fyfe ) that his and kelly ', s characters keep on going in circles  with no hint of development or growth . that is most certainly the case here . joe gets a job and ultimately botches things ; he and mary bicker ; they make up  only to have the pattern repeat itself . unhappy with his bottle blonde  bob gets his real blonde but is unsatisfied ; he returns to the faux and is still unsatisfied . if there is a point to all of this  dicillo dances around it  spending his time on apparent digressions that  as it turns out  aren ', t digressions at all . the real blonde is not without some amusements . it does have the occasional funny line and situation ; leary  henry  lloyd  steve buscemi  and dave chappelle shine in their small roles ; keener is a likable  refreshingly earthy lead ; berkley ', s appearance is mercifully brief ( she receives outrageously prominent billing and ad placement for a ten - minute role ) ; and there is the irony of having caulfield play a wildly popular soap star who makes the ratings skyrocket ( last year  the actor was fired from the daytime drama all my children after a scant six months -- due to lack of viewer interest ) . but on the whole  the real blonde is a frustrating sit that lives up to the stereotypes of its title -- it may be glossy on the surface  but there ', s nothing going on inside . ( opens february 27 )
neg " jack frost  " is one of those dumb  corny concoctions that attempts to be a heartwarming family film  but is too muddled in its own cliches and predictability to be the least bit touching . this does not come as a surprise  since the studio that made it is warner brothers  who is on a current streak of one bad film after the other . jack frost ( michael keaton ) is a struggling middle - aged rock musician who loves his wife  gabby ( kelly preston )  and 11 - year - old son  charlie ( joseph cross )  but doesn ', t spend nearly enough time with them . when he receives a call from a music label that wants to hear him play  he has to cancel his planned family outing up in the mountains for christmas . halfway there  jack has second thoughts  but on his way back home  is in a car accident and dies . switch forward a year  christmas is approaching once again  and charlie and gabby are still having a difficult time coming to terms with jack ', s death . when charlie begins to play the harmonica his father gave him the night before he died  the snowman outside the house is taken over by jack ', s spirit . jack wants to spend some time with his son before the upcoming warm front melts him  but charlie desperately tries to prevent his melting demise . " frosty the snowman  " is a classic cartoon  and the idea of a snowman that is alive works splendidly when animated  but as a live - action film  it doesn ', t work at all . after a somewhat promising prologue in which the frost family is established  " jack frost  " quickly goes downhill  especially once the snowman comes into play . since jack has been deceased for a whole year  you would think there would be many questions to ask him  such as  " what happens after you die ? " or  " how does it feel to be a snowman ? " but instead  the film focuses on a snowball fight subplot and an inevitably oversentimental climax that could be telegraphed before i even sat down to watch the movie . the performances are respectable enough  but no one deserves to be punished by appearing in a silly film like this . michael keaton at least got off easy  since he disappears after the first twenty minutes  but what exactly does he think he is doing with his career here ? i have always liked kelly preston . she is clearly a talented  charismatic actress  but has never been given a good role in her life  usually having to settle for a one - dimensional supporting character  as in  1997 ', s  " nothing to lose  " and  " addicted to love . " joseph cross was probably the highlight in the cast  since he believably portrayed a boy suffering the loss of a parent . in one of the only subplots that actually works  due to its wittiness  henry rollins is highly amusing as a hockey coach who becomes terrified and paranoid after seeing the live snowman . this brief hint of cleverness is pushed to the side  however  by the tried - and - true main plot at hand  which is the sappy story of a father and son . since i knew what was going to happen by the time the conclusion came around  i had no choice but to sit there and listen to painfully insipid  cringe - inducing lines of dialogue . some of my favorites was an interaction between the son and father : " you da man  " says charlie . " no  i da snowman  " replies jack . or how about this little zinger  coming from a school bully that miraculously becomes friendly towards charlie and tries to help him out : " snowdad is better than no dad . " do people really get paid in hollywood for writing pieces of trash like this ? the snowman  created by john henson ', s creature shop  is more believable than the snowman from last year ', s unintentionally hilarious direct - to - video horror flick  also called  " jack frost  " but it still was difficult to tell if it was a person in a suit or computer effects . either way  it was an awful lot of work to go through  just to come up with a final product as featherbrained as this project . as a seasonal holiday picture  " jack frost  " is pretty much a clunker . a better christmas film from this year is  " i ', ll be home for christmas . " better yet  my suggestion would be to stay home and watch a quality film  such as  " it ', s a wonderful life  " " a christmas story  " or  " prancer . " " jack frost  " is an earnest  but severely misguided film  and children  as well as adults  deserve better . i doubt they would want to see a movie about the death of a parent  anyway .
neg some movies require you to turn off your brain in order to watch . then there are movies that require you to accept that everyone * in * the movie has turned off * their * brains . the real mccoy is both . it ', s charmless  molasses - slow and so full of genuinely stupid people that the film commission of atlanta  where the real mccoy is set  might well consider some sort of ritual suicide for their complicity in this humiliation . the real mccoy opens with bank robber karen mccoy ( kim basinger ) being arrested in the middle of a job . six years later  karen is out on parole and looking to stay straight . she soon bumps into j . t . barker ( val kilmer )  a hapless would - be thief who idolizes karen . j . t . also has ties to jack schmidt ( terence stamp )  the man who blew the whistle on karen six years earlier for refusing to work with him . schmidt  who is in cahoots with karen ', s sleazy parole officer ( gailard sartain )  again wants karen to help him stage a robbery . this time he has some leverage : karen ', s kidnapped son . just when she thought she was out  they keep pulling her back * in . * contrivances and sloppy plotting fly off the screen so fast and furiously you have to duck to avoid being hit by them . leading the list is the jack schmidt character  who through unexplained but presumably foul mains is already extremely wealthy when our story begins . there is no reason given why he should need or want to get involved in another crime  let alone why he would actually participate in the break - in . karen ', s initial encounter with j . t . during a botched convenience store hold - up also strains the limits of credibility . it would have been simple enough to have them somehow entangled at that point  but instead they run into each other the next day because they ', re leaving their parole officers at exactly the same moment . small world  eh ? then there ', s the convenient car trouble during an attempted escape  and pet tigers which  through the power of the laws of bad cinema  must inevitably confront someone who has blundered into their cage . however  the buffoon prize goes to the atlanta police  who come off like the keystone kops on a bad day . but the fun doesn ', t end there in the shambles of a script by william davies and william osborne . there is also the absence of a single  solitary interesting character . karen is earnest and single - minded in her motherly devotion  but lacking any kind of edge which would make her a convincing criminal  and basinger is not a thespian adept at fleshing out flimsy material . schmidt is a flaccid villain  the parole officer is a complete blank  and karen ', s son and ex - husband might as well be furniture . only kilmer ', s j . t . is remotely appealing  but his one potentially intriguing quality  his ineptitude  is never developed . in fact  kilmer disappears during the middle of the film  just when his admiration for karen could have made for an interesting sub - plot . i might have been more forgiving if the pacing had been more appropriate to a caper comedy  but the real mccoy goes nowhere fast . various scenes of sneaking and skulking seem to take forever  and some end with no reason evident why they didn ', t end up on the cutting room floor . even the reasonably clever climactic break - in falls victim to this syndrome  including a scene of one of the thieves drilling open a vault which lasts ( i kid you not ) four minutes . there is no tension in the scene  just tedium . russell mulcahy ( highlander ) is a director with some style  and indeed the real mccoy looks reasonably good  but he completely stumbles in the editing room . there are so many big problems with the real mccoy that i ', m tempted to overlook the little ones . like karen disarming one of schmidt ', s henchmen and throwing his gun into the middle of a park where her son is playing . like a fountain crushed when a van runs into it reappearing in one piece a few moments later . tempted . but i ', m pretty good at resisting temptation .
neg you think that these people only exist in the movies  but trust me  they ', re as real as life . i once talked to a guy who thought the united states government was putting satellites into orbit which could fry an individual person ', s brain with microwaves . then i sat in a room full of people who believed that the government rigged state elections . i even listened to a man who swore that nicotine was an additive that cigarette companies put in their products for the specific goal of getting people addicted . these people had what are known as " conspiracy theories " - ideas about how unseen forces work to deceive and control the public . a little imagination goes a long way . in richard donner ', s conspiracy theory  jerry fletcher ( mel gibson ) is a new york city cab driver who seems to have a conspiracy theory about everything . his latest  that nasa is trying to kill the president by causing an earthquake from the space shuttle  might sound outrageous to us  but is all in a day ', s work for him . he combs the newspaper  looking for tidbits that leave telltale warnings about the goings - on behind the scenes  and from there jerry draws his conclusions . upstanding citizen that he is  he tries to convince alice sutton ( julia roberts ) of the justice department that the president must be warned . lucky gal  alice  who met jerry when he saved her from a couple of muggers and has had to listen to his theories during the six months since . what she doesn ', t know is that jerry ', s interest in her is far more than  well  professional . he goes to great lengths to follow her around and watch her in her own apartment . but when some secret government types seem to take an interest in jerry ', s ideas and his limited - circulation " conspiracy theory " newsletter  he finds himself in danger and in real need of alice ', s help . one of the problems with conspiracy theory is that it tries to pass itself off as an action - thriller when it seems to have neither a whole lot of action  nor a significant number of thrills . part of this is a result of the film ', s slow pace . it takes forever to set up the relationship between jerry and alice  and even once that is over with  the rest of the film seems to be a lot of boredom that every once in a while stops to take a break for excitement . at over two hours  this film could have been significantly condensed and had it ', s running time shortened by twenty minutes to half an hour  but even then  the action scenes would not be able to save the film . instead of truly exciting and engaging set pieces  we ', re treated to a few of the generic scenes with the requisite " black elements " : black helicopter  men in black action suits and body armor  black vehicles - you know the drill . they come on down with all kinds of neat gadgets and weapons  but for some reason a guy with just a bunch of theories and some chick with no training somehow manage to elude them every time . big deal  we ', ve seen it all before . watching the film  i wished donner had at least tried to use a little imagination  but i was out of luck . now  when i say it took forever to set up the " relationship " between jerry and alice  i completely mean what one person is relative to the other  and not romantic involvement . oh  donner and screenwriter brian helgeland would like you to believe that by the end of the movie  the two main characters will end up falling hopelessly in love with each other  but there seems to be no evidence of that ever occurring . you see  there were more sparks between gibson and danny glover in the lethal weapon movies ( also directed by donner ) than between gibson and roberts in conspiracy theory . the two just don ', t click  and when you throw in a number of happenings that would cause alice to reject jerry altogether ( like finding out he ', s been stalking her )  the subsequent attraction is absolutely forced . the script in general also seems forced  like someone sat helgeland down and forced him to write it  then took it and forced it upon us . dialog is undistinguished and rather unmemorable  to the point that i almost stopped listening . even gibson ', s usual gift for ad lib couldn ', t punch up the film sufficiently to raise my interest  although one of jerry ', s theories about oliver stone was mildly amusing . unfortunately  much of what ', s discussed in the film is not inherently important to what ', s going on  but instead filler that starts out with potential  but ends up just being extraneous because it ', s never followed through . for example  jerry professes that a man found drowned in his swimming pool was actually murdered by the government in a new york subway station . he even goes so far as to explain that the station was flooded at the time due to a water main break ( hence the water in a subway station )  and that the coroner should check the man ', s lungs for chlorine . this is convincing enough to alice that she seems to believe him . you know what happens then ? nothing  zip  nada . no follow - up whatsoever  so what ', s the significance ? okay  here ', s another one . a couple of well known ( real life ) assassins were found to have possessed copies of the j . d . salinger novel " the catcher in the rye " . jerry also has a bunch of copies . whenever he goes into a bookstore  he has to buy one . leaving out the question of whether or not this makes jerry an assassin  we ', re never given a reason to believe why this would make him an assassin . not when we find out about his salinger collection  not when he goes to the bookstore  not later on when we get the answer to our first question . the point becomes totally extraneous . oh  did i mention that patrick stewart is in this film ? yeah  he plays this government psychiatrist named dr . jonas who may or may not be a bad guy . that ', s about it . for all the presence this usually marvelous actor has  he ', s nearly forgettable in conspiracy theory . you can just lump him in with the supporting players  with the exception of cylk cozart who plays agent lowry of the fbi . this guy was really likable  and i wish he and his character had gotten more screen time . okay  here ', s my theory . this really started out as a great film  but some of its jokes were actually true ! the government came in and forced donner to make edits for the sake of national security  and this was what was left over .
neg my son and i share a perverse predilection for bad movies . we are amused and entertained by the cheap thrills  the corny dialog  the ludicrous premises and the bad acting . since other family members aspire to higher forms of entertainment  we usually wind up indulging our proclivity together . i can ', t remember when we disagreed on the relative merits of a clunker until species 2 came along . he was not amused . i on the other hand was able to easily suspend the applicable requirements in the usual manner and declare myself suitably entertained . perhaps the evident skills that were brought to the process of producing a bad product was what prevented him from extracting fun out of mediocrity . i on the other hand appreciated the fact that the producers and director knew exactly what they were doing : insulting my intelligence  and brought adequate movie - making skills to the project a movie does not have to be good to be well made  at least in terms of the craft . the movie could have been better if it were not so brusque . this movie slaps you with conception  pregnancy  delivery and young childhood in consecutive frames  without pausing for infancy . the producers of nescafe have nothing on this alien race in which a woman ', s womb balloons immediately after the male orgasm  and a few seconds later a young child tears its way out of her abdomen in a sloppy and gory version of an inside - out cesarean . an autopsy scene in which a buzz saw cuts through the cranium was not the kind of indulgence that i condone  to say nothing of the fact that it was scientifically incorrect . in a real autopsy the saw does not cut through the scalp ; it is used only after the skull has been exposed . the opening sequences of exploration of mars were very good . the writers showed excellent skills for ceremonial speech writing but the spontaneous dialogue would qualify for a subtitle : ` as bad as it gets ', . as the movie progressed i vowed to remember the lines that made me cringe but only one stuck . eve ( natasha henstridge ) was cloned from sil  the original alien sexual predator  but her mating instinct was artificially attenuated  which was all that was needed to turn her into a noble and cooperative prisoner . in a wistful display of resignation and understanding she tells her friend and jailer ( marg helgenberger ) : ` i think of all the places that i will never see and all the people that i will never meet . ', it ', s enough to melt the most callous heart . at another point she protests : ` i ', m human too  you know . ', she is only half right . peter medak  the director  knows his business . justin lazard as the doomed astronaut does nothing to enhance his hollywood credentials . james cromwell  his father  is perfect in a short role . marg heldenberger  the dna scientist is pleasant and beautiful . natasha is an exquisite ornament . george dzunza knew and delivered what was expected of him as the dumb general that messes things up . michael madsen was there . black buddies do not usually survive in this type of movie but mykelti williamson manages to stay around for the final credits  which is more that we can say for lazard . .
neg it seemed like the perfect concept . what better for the farrelly brothers  famous for writing and directing comedies with offensive subject matter  than to make a movie about a guy with a split personality ? it ', s exactly the sort of thing the brothers relish : poking fun at something serious ( in this case mental illness )  throwing all care to the wind to get a laugh . jim carrey ', s signed on too ? even better . the national alliance for the mentally ill even helped out by levying complaints against the brothers ', new film before its opening  claiming it was misrepresenting the condition of split personality  labeling it incorrectly as " schizophrenia  " and so forth . such a protest seemed like just the sort of thing that would  of course  only add more fuel to the farrelly brothers ', fire  proving that some people just couldn ', t take a joke  and that the farrellys would be helping the more enlightened viewers to yet another dose of their brilliantly subversive comedy . yes  it all seemed perfect  but one thing went wrong : their movie isn ', t funny . it ', s not for lack of trying . the farrellys utilize in " me  myself & irene " their most high - concept premise ever : carrey plays charlie baileygaites  a man who after being dumped by his wife for a midget limo driver  decides to bury all his aggressive feelings deep down inside and never release them . this  of course  means all his neighbors exploit his entirely too - forgiving nature  making his job as a rhode island state trooper increasingly difficult . soon enough  charlie ', s repressed aggression manifests itself into a second  independent personality named hank  a deep - voiced  boorish ogre unafraid of taking the assertive actions his predecessor had been unable to muster . this guy isn ', t above crashing a car through the wall of the barber shop in which he ', s been insulted  or holding a little girl ', s head underwater because she refused to stop jump - roping in the street . then things start getting lost in the most complicated plot the farrellys have ever attempted  and the film runs off its tracks . some have suggested that this isn ', t a problem  because the farrelly brothers ', brand of humor doesn ', t require plot to work . they ', re wrong  of course : plot was greatly instrumental in building up the kind of rollicking comic energy that infused the farrellys ', last effort  1996 ', s " there ', s something about mary . " ( 1999 ', s " outside providence " was technically an earlier project . ) the brothers ', earlier film wasn ', t funny merely because it contained outrageous gags ( despite what some newsmagazine articles would have you believe )  but rather because its most outrageous gags were entirely unexpected . in " mary  " the farrellys managed several times to pull off a neat sleight - of - hand trick : they ', d have you thinking the story was going one way  then reveal its real direction in delightfully surprising fashion . " me  myself & irene  " by contrast  seems to have been made by folks who looked at " mary " and saw only the surface grossness  missing all of the subtle machinations that really made it work . having been produced by the same guys who made " mary  " " irene " seems like an even bigger disappointment . the brothers pile on the offensive humor  taking shots at race  midgets  albinos  mental illness  and all manner of bathroom jokes . but they haven ', t come up with a way to make any of it fresh most of " me  myself & irene " comes off as rote  by - the - numbers  adolescent comedy . the plot  with carrey forced to drive alleged fugitive irene p . waters ( renee zellweger )  who ', s in more trouble than anyone knows  back to new york  has an ending that ', s entirely predictable from the get - go . ( think charlie and irene will fall in love ? yeah  me too . ) the farrellys then introduce scores of different characters  and none of them ever manage to do anything you haven ', t already expected them to do  no matter how outrageous their actions might be . compared to the curveballs the farrellys are used to throwing  this stuff is almost entirely soft - tossed  presenting an obvious problem : when gross - out humor loses its shock value  it ', s no longer funny  merely gross . the jokes that do work are milked over and over until their effectiveness runs dry . take  for example  the subplot involving charlie ', s three black sons ( anthony anderson  mongo brownlee  jerod mixon ) . the incongruity of it all is funny for a while  with three burly black men discussing higher math in ghetto language and white - bread carrey mouthing said language with an entirely too - pleasant smile on his face . but by the end of the film  they ', re still doing the same schitck it hasn ', t been elevated to another  funnier level  and it hasn ', t been dropped either . that ', s too bad  because it ceases to be amusing about halfway through . " me  myself & irene " reeks of wasted opportunities . there ought to be more focus on how other people react to charlie ', s new personality  and on how charlie deals with the consequences of hank ', s actions . this doesn ', t really happen nearly every supporting character learns about charlie ', s condition early on  so they don ', t have any opportunity to be surprised by it . the film throws what looks like a patented farrelly curve in a scene towards the midway point ( involving an albino companion charlie and irene pick up called  appropriately  " whitey " )  but the script doesn ', t go anywhere with it  instead leaving the thread twisting in the wind before awkwardly tying it up during the climax . jim carrey is a gifted comedian  both physically and vocally  but he ', s left with nothing much to do here except contort himself in a manner similar to steve martin in " all of me . " it ', s a great showcase of flexibility and split - second role - shifting  but none of it is terribly funny . carrey doesn ', t pull any stunts we don ', t expect him to pull  and the farrellys ', script doesn ', t give him anything else to pull : the situations in which he must perform the role - shifting aren ', t set up in any meaningful way . perhaps carrey can take solace in the fact that his supporting actors fare no better . zellweger ', s irene is not a strong female lead mary in " mary " may have been part adolescent fantasy  but she was also intelligent and strong - willed . irene is nothing in particular  as the film never makes clear whether she ', s ditzy  clever  or neither . as such  she gives us nothing to latch onto as the only " sane " person in the film . chris cooper is stuck playing exactly one note as a corrupt fbi agent  and his character is entirely too straight - laced for a movie like this . he  like the others  does absolutely nothing unexpected . after viewing the shapeless mess that " me  myself & irene " eventually dissolved into  i was stuck wondering whether or not the farrellys had outsmarted themselves . maybe their kind of comedy can only work for so long until audiences get wise to it and stop being shocked . but i don ', t believe it -- good filmmakers find ways of surprising their audiences even after people have grown attuned to their style . if the farrellys are indeed good  smart filmmakers ( and i still think they are )  they ', ll rebound just fine . even after that happens  though  i ', ll still consider " me  myself & irene " to be a high - caliber misfire .
neg wesley snipes is a master of selecting bad action roles . murder at 1600  u . s . marshals  money train  drop zone  boiling point  and the ultimate camp film - passenger 57 . the art of war is another entry in this very ugly and unique category . ultimately  it is little more than a ridiculous action film with a plot as believable as the warren report  ugly violence that would have made peckinpah cringe  and terrible acting by b - list actors like michael biehn and anne archer . oddly  it feels like the undiscovered sequel to another snipes " masterpiece  " rising sun . the movie revolves around the convenient story of a special un operative caught up in a secret murder conspiracy involving a chinese ambassador  the chinese triad brotherhood  a rich chinese businessman ( played by ? that bad guy from rising sun  cary - hiroyuki tagawa ) a chinese un interpreter  and  inexplicably  donald sutherland . the film ends with more confusion than a boatload of chinese immigrants trying to register at ellis island . or should i say the film ends with the most blatant ripoff of both the matrix and all of john woo ', s hong kong films combined . i am really at a loss to figure out why wesley snipes had the gumption to not only star in this action dud but also act as one of the producers of the film . i usually enjoy snipes ', movies - though his dramatic roles better show off his creativity as an actor than the flashiness of his action films . simply  i am amazed by the how inane the script was  filled with terrible cliches and extremely violent action sequences . director christian duguay ( screamers ) has a strange attraction to the viciousness of violent acts -- showing splattering brains  people impaled with broken shards of glass  and lots of gargling and gagging as blood sprays everywhere . it also sickens me to know that oliver stone  one of the greatest directors working today  had his hand in producing this monstrosity . i guess snipes sold stone on the conspiracy angle and stone chose not to read the script  watch the dailies  be involved in casting  or anything else -- or else he ', d be filing a court order to remove his name from the credits . it ', s also seems evident that with the russkies as our new bosom buddies and the middle eastern terrorist angle being beaten to death in the last couple of years that the new international enemies in hollywood are the communist chinese . i ', m sure over the next couple of months  even more " chinese conspiracy / martial - arts action flicks " are going to be popping up in your local multiplex . hopefully they won ', t include wesley snipes .
neg senseless is a prime example of what can happen when you try to push a one - joke concept a bit too far . director penelope spheeris is no stranger to this  having subjected audiences before to such tortures as the beverly hillbillies . marlon wayans stars as darryl witherspoon  a college senior vying for a lucrative job at a prominent brokerage . however  he lacks the advantages of his chief opposition  scott thorpe ( david spade  in the smarmy sort of role he can deliver in his sleep ) : an athletic record  sponsorship by a fraternity  and  most of all  a wealthy family to back him up . in fact  darryl has to work at four jobs simply to make ends meet . but there may be a light at the end of that tunnel . he signs up as a human guinea pig in a neurological experiment run by the university ', s dr . wheedon ( brad dourif ) . as a result  his senses are magnified tenfold . using his newfound abilities  he sets himself in complete pursuit of the job ( unaware that there may be some disadvantageous side - effects to having super senses ) . naturally  marlon wayans plays this comedy at full throttle  giving jim carrey - ish amounts of physical humor . the problem is  aside from a few genuinely inspired bits  there ', s not much that ', s funny here . the film has it ', s one central gag  and pads out the rest of its length with rather obvious lowbrow humor . there obviously wasn ', t much thought put into the plot . the entire job selection process is completely ridiculous . i mean  why the emphasis on extra - curricular activities if the entire job is going to come down to a single - elimination quiz anyhow ? and is this the only job being offered to economics majors this semester ? to give it credit  senseless does try to create a secondary joke with darryl ', s roommate  tim laflour ( matthew lillard ) . apparently  he is supposed to be faddish  but the film never does anything with him  leaving him in a piercing phase throughout the movie . his " intervention " scenes with darryl  however  do provide a rare  and welcome  laugh . and then there ', s the love interest which is always pathetically tacked onto comedies like this one . in this case  the object of darryl ', s amor is janice ( tamara taylor )  a fellow student who won ', t have anything to do with darryl until he gains his super - senses . needless to say  the romance is completely extraneous  and adds little to the film . this is a film that desperately needed something else . be that a good plot  more jokes ( or simply funnier ones )  or a strong character or two  anything would have helped senseless get off the ground . as it is  all the manic exuberant mugging in the world can ', t help marlon wayans get this one off the ground .
neg i came to an epiphany while watching the bachelor  an innocuous - enough - on - the - surface romantic comedy . it ', s not the sort of film in which one would expect to achieve any moment of clarity  but there it was nonetheless . i sat there watching this marshmallow of a movie unfold when suddenly i realized what is so ridiculously wrong with the entire romantic comedy genre circa 1999 . in a word  it ', s the same thing that ', s wrong with so many movies circa 1999 : writing . more to the point  it ', s the refusal to acknowledge that characterizations matter when you ', re telling a story about a relationship . the bachelor is merely the latest in a long line of films where we ', re expected to get dewy - eyed over any pairing of attractive  pleasant people just because they ', re attractive and pleasant . in this particular case  attractive and pleasant exhibit a is jimmy shannon ( chris o ', donnell )  a single guy who has been watching his friends slowly but surely sucked into marriage . it ', s a scary notion for jimmy  even though he dearly loves attractive and pleasant exhibit b anne ( renee zellweger )  his girlfriend of three years . convinced despite his reservations that it ', s time to " sh * t or get off the pot  " jimmy proposes to anne -- very badly . anne refuses  which leaves jimmy in a very odd position when his eccentric grandfather ( peter ustinov ) dies and leaves a very specific video will . jimmy stands to inhereit $ 100 million if he is married by 6 : 05 p . m . on his 30th birthday  stays married for 10 years and produces a child . there are only a couple of minor problems : 1 ) jimmy ', s 30th birthday is the next day ; 2 ) anne is nowhere to be found  meaning jimmy has to find another willing bride from among his many ex - girlfriends . it ', s a wacky  brewster ', s millions - esque premise ( acknowledged as such in one of the film ', s better  more self - aware lines of dialogue )  the kind where a shallow and materialistic guy learns what really matters . at least that would be the case if jimmy weren ', t already a world - class altruist . screenwriter steve cohen slides into the story an even more draconian condition in the will : if jimmy doesn ', t get married  not only will he lose all the money  but the family billiard table buisness will be sold out from under him  costing hudreds of jobs . from the outset  jimmy ', s motivation isn ', t cash ; it ', s the livelihoods of his devoted employees . it ', s almost embarrassing for his marital misgivings to play a role in the bachelor ', s plot development . by any human standard  the guy is impossibly selfless . and that ', s the essence of the gutlessness endemic to films like the bachelor -- the fear of giving the characters flaws to overcome on their way to happiness . there ', s never any tension between the two star - crossed lovers  because there ', s no sense that anything remotely significant is at stake . the blandly nice o ', donnell couldn ', t pull off a randy cad if he tried  so the filmmakers don ', t even let him ; zellweger ', s anne may have issues with her sickeningly affectionate parents as an impossible standard to live up to  but no one dares make her anything but the woman ( lightly ) wronged . and forget about seeing enough of jimmy and anne together to feel invested in their potential reconciliation . the parade of sit - com set pieces had better be damned funny  since they ', re all that stands between us and a blissfully sweet foregone conclusion . i ', ll admit a couple of those set pieces are amusing  including ustinov ', s rantings about procreation and a restaurant full - to - bursting with men popping questions and champagne corks . far more of them are either tedious or downright ghastly  like the shudder - inducing sight of brooke shields as an icy fortune - hunter or the hideous collection of stereotypes when hundreds of potential brides gather in a church . you ', re never going to get too many raucous belly laughs from a film like the bachelor  but that ', s not the real problem . nor is it the real problem that you know exactly the kind of warm - n - fuzzy conclusion it ', s leading up to . the problem are a beginning and middle that are equally warm - n - fuzzy -- there ', s no spark  no energy  no humanity . it ', s an emotional pudding guaranteed not to offend any consumer ', s digestions . we ', ve reached a point where our proxies for cinematic romantic wish fulfillment don ', t even have a pulse . the bachelor is love among the mannequins .
neg are you like me ? do you get annoyed seeing people talk on their cellulars in public places  shouting out loud  not giving a ratt ', s ass about anyone around them  and basically just wallowing in their own self - importance ? well if you are  than you will most likely agree with my rating of this film since it basically features a trio of annoying ladies bickering away on the phone for an hour and a half . . . only to make up and hug in the end . aaaaaaaahhhh . . . plot : three grown - up sisters living their own separate lives  begin to re - establish their communication lines when their dear old dad falls ill . critique : this would be a good movie if it wasn ', t for the fact that it ', s got very little to say  features uncaring people sharing annoying phone conversations  is chockfull of bad acting moments and provides less emotional satisfaction than any third - rate after - school special . and i ', m being nice ! how junk like this gets made is beyond me  but happy am i that the ephron sisters will finally be dealt a professional blow  considering the regurgitation level of their material had just about reached its limit . the only true emotional moment demonstrated between meg ryan ', s character and her dad in this film is when he hugs her and swings her around at a christmas tree lot . wow . . . how deep . of course  the same christmas tune that ', s played in every ephron flick chimes out in the background  while characters continue to build " bonds " among one another by making reference to old  quaint movies or movie stars . stop me . . . i ', m gonna cry again ! this film is a mess . the characters are boring and irritating to watch  the plot has something to do with three selfish sisters talking on the phone a whole lot  kind of liking their father ( but not really ) and then finally realizing the error of their ways  while sharing an " emotional " moment about movie stars from the 50s . admittedly  i was not expecting much from a film whose television trailer features meg ryan screaming every two seconds and a big dog rolling its eyes  but even i was surprised at the level of ineptitude when it came to some of the acting efforts put forth in this film . meg did fine as the sister who cries a lot  looking as adorable as ever  but someone please put lisa kudrow inside a permanent home of limited range  cause this woman basically is that very same character that she plays in every single movie / tv show that she ', s in . enough already ! and diane keaton must ', ve spent more time thinking about her role behind the camera in this one  cause her acting was amateurish at best . neither one convinced in " emotional " scenes . granted  they gave walter matthau the best lines in the film and that ', s probably where my rating of three points comes from . all in all  this movie is not funny ( unless you ', re one to chuckle at train wrecks )  provides zero drama ( unless you consider loud phone conversations moving )  generates absolutely no emotion ( although i did tear up when meg hugged a coffee machine ) and ends on a perfectly pretentious note ( " oh no  please don ', t get any flour on my donna karan dress ! ) . ugh . i suggest that all ladies take their husbands / boyfriends to see this movie if they are pissed off at them about something ! that ', ll teach ', em to mess with you ! oh and incidentally  mrs . joblo also likened this movie to a piece of cow dung flailing in the wind  so there ! then again . . . maybe you ', ll like it . : )
neg i have a confession . even though i am a movie junkie - i saw eye of the beholder and yet i still watch movies - i ', ve never seen any of the original godzillas . ( note that godzilla 2000 is not a sequel to the u . s . godzilla released in 1998 ; it ', s the american release of a 1999 godzilla flick called gojira ni - sen mireniamu . ) so  part of me was excited as i drove to the local multiplex to see godzilla 2000 - the latest entry in an almost 50 - year old franchise . this was a long - awaited treat . i was expecting a goofy good time  complete with bad dubbing  science fair level sets and a ludicrous plot line . the last thing i expected was for the movie to be so ? boring . i can only imagine what the theatre full of kids i saw this with felt . you do get all of the " so bad they ', re good " traits so normally associated with the franchise . but you have to sit through a snoozer plot that has the organization of a rorschach blot . it ', s a deal i wasn ', t willing to accept . hiroshi kashiwabara and waturu mimura ', s script crams in way too many details  and in many cases  fails to follow up on them . the maneuver is not only disconcerting  but gives the movie a permanent logy  weighty feel . godzilla starts off destroying power plants and then just stops . was it a whim ? a bold political statement ? i don ', t know . its foe  an ancient meteor that looks like prudential ', s logo  doesn ', t just fight the beast from the far east . no  it ', s got to have life - saving powers  a plot to erase " the data " from japan  a desire to clone and the ability to become a spaceship and then some kind of tentacled space creature . there ', s a battle between the head of the godzilla prediction unit ( takehiro murata ) and a slimy government official ( hiroshi abe ) over the handling of godzilla  and personal issues . and then there ', s the plucky news photographer and blah  blah  blah . it ', s like watching magnolia all over again - except without the good writing  keen sociological insight and aimee mann songs . what a waste . when the talking and the plot points stop hurtling at you  godzilla 2000 does the job - it ', s entertaining and goes down easy . the action scenes are cheesy in their grandeur though a little sluggish . the dubbing is nice and awful  with murata sounding like he ', s in constant need of a cough drop . as for the dialogue  one line summarizes the goofiness factor : " did anyone see that flying rock go by ? " this movie also marked the first time since the three stooges that i ', ve heard the word " imbecile " used in casual conversation . though the summer movie season is drying up and godzilla 2000 has its moments  i wouldn ', t take kids to see it . they ', ll probably end up asking more questions than charlie rose .
neg capsule : five friends at a stag party are involved in the accidental killing of a prostitute . the cover - up attempt becomes a monster that eats up the friends  two wives and several innocent bystanders . this was a real audience pleaser at toronto  but it did not do much for me .  low 0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) - directed by peter berg who acted in the last seduction and copland . - five buddies go on a stag outing to las vegas while cameron diaz works through the logistics of her upcoming wedding to one of them . one of the buddies accidentally kills a prostitute . - several people with no moral compass . they started out with a simple  innocent little cocaine party ( ! ) and by accident look what happened . they have one moral person among them ( daniel stern )  and one totally amoral person ( christian slater ) . it is more selfish to let the amoral lead  so they do . - this film is strange  but not really funny or biting . black comedy should actually be funny as well as strange . there should be some element of satire . the satire is missing here . i did not find myself laughing here either . what we have is a strange crime tale . - one just does not care what happens to these people . - the same idea of people just getting themselves in deeper and deeper has been done frequently . if this film is popular it is just bringing a familiar plot to a new generation . - it begins like diner ( particularly with daniel stern ) and ends up like an extended horror / crime comic book . - there are several logical holes in script . if a security man goes to investigate a complaint and disappears  wouldn ', t the guests he was investigating be the first suspects ? someone framed for a crime in the way shown would be judged innocent after minimal forensic detective work . ( i am desperately trying to avoid making this a spoiler . ) - popular and situation ethics get a real slamming . - some acting of grief is hammy and overdone . more yelling than humor .
neg what hath kevin williamson wrought ? while the horror movie revival spurred on by his _scream_ has yielded a few decent entries in the genre -- _i_know_what_you_did_last_summer_  _halloween : _h20_  and _scream_2_ -- it must be noted that williamson himself had a hand in the writing of those films . those williamson - less post - _scream_ efforts  among them _wishmaster_ and the recent _disturbing_behavior_  have been frightening all right -- frighteningly  insultingly _bad_ . add to that list _urban_legend_  which takes a promising premise and runs it through a predictable meat grinder of idiocy . the influence of williamson on screenwriter silvio horta is clear in two key areas . first  the opening sequence  like that of _scream_  is an extended set piece detailing the singular murder that gets the proverbial ball rolling . this sequence  in which pendleton college coed michelle mancini ( natasha gregson wagner ) is decapitated while driving  also reveals the other obviously williamson - esque touch : the killer ', s look . dressed in a large hooded parka  wielding an axe  the killer bears more than a passing resemblance to the _i_know . . . _fisherman  sans the hook . one thing horta does not borrow from williamson  however  is the intriguing premise . students at pendleton are being killed by way of urban legends -- those contemporary bits of " mythology " passed from person to person  group to group  year to year that become so embedded in the social consciousness . it hardly matters if they are true or not  such as the tall tale that mikey from the life cereal commercials died from a fatal combination of pop rocks and pepsi ( he didn ', t ) . michelle  slain by the " killer lurking in the backseat " of lore  is but the first to fall prey to an urban legend come true ; as the body count rises  fellow pendleton student natalie ( alicia witt ) suspects not only a link between the murders  but a personal link to her past as well . the setup shows promise  but the story never takes off  due in large part to horta and the director  the aptly named jamie blanks  who fires round afer round of his namesake in terms of suspense and scares . too many of the would - be shocks are fakeouts reliant on bombastic music cues  and the film ', s chase scenes are riddled with the cliches that _scream_ tried to subvert  like screaming damsels knowingly running themselves into dead ends when they should -- and could -- run out the front door . but that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to cliches ; there ', s also the climactic villain confession  in which a contrived and way - too - convenient motive is revealed  not to mention the credit card opening up the locked door trick  which is a cliche in any film genre . banks and horta ', s ( intentional ) attempts at humor are also lame ; the fact that the best gags are lazy  in - jokey references to the other credits of co - stars joshua jackson and rebecca gayheart says a lot about the imagination of their humor . some laughs are also had when the rather predictable identity of the killer is revealed  but i ', m not so sure if some of the more hilarious things about it were meant to be so . the filmmakers don ', t get much help from their onscreen talent . i was far from a fan of bland _i_know . . . _ starlet jennifer love hewitt  but i ', d talke her any day ove the dreadfully stiff and uncharismatic witt  whose inept attempts at emoting were often met with laughter ; witt has a pefect foil in her equally pesence - challenged leading man  jared leto . _dawson ', s_creek_ star jackson mugs his way thorugh a glorified cameo ; gayheart displays all the depth and range of  well  a noxzema spokeswoman ; and robert englund lends the film little more than his freddy krueger pedigree as a folklore professor . granted  the cast is hampered by their material . loretta devine  who has done some fine work in films such as _waiting_to_exhale_  is saddled with the ridiculous role of a pam grier - worshiping campus security guard . the recently resuscitated horror genre cannot rely on the efforts one man -- namely  kevin williamson -- to stay alive . if other filmmakers continue to make such shoddy product as _urban_legend_  the genre looks to once again go the way of screen slashers ', many victims .
neg warner brothers has scored another marketing coup . the one - two punch was started in the summer  with the release of batman forever . trailers for ace ventura 2 were bundled with the bat  ensuring that every jim carrey fan in the free world would know about the impending sequel . carrey went on to win raves as the riddler and the ever - wise warner chose halloween as the release date for the video ( $ 11 . 99 at wal - mart ) ; a mere two weeks before carrey ', s return in this marketwise  but misfired comedy . ace ventura : when nature calls is a painful reminder of just how grating the rubber - faced comic can be when allowed to perform within an uncontrolled environment . he may have been brilliant under the direction of joel schumacher  in batman forever  but  here  left to his own devices  carrey quickly wears out his welcome . the opening sequence is by far the best -- an amusing spoof of cliffhanger  with ace performing a mountain rescue of a stranded raccoon . ( you can guess what happens to mr . paws . hint : it sounds like splat . ) the plot quickly shifts to a temple in the himalayas  and then to not - so - darkest africa  where ace is on the case of a missing white bat . with his hair and limbs both wildly askew  carrey flies through his routine in about thirty minutes . the rest of the film is just more of the same . sure  the plot ', s linear  and the production values solid  but where is the scripted humor to support carrey ', s sloppy slathering ? writer and director steve oderkerk provides precious few set - ups . instead  carrey just mugs away  playing for the camera even when most of it isn ', t funny . the better gags have been shown in the ads  though a bit with ace emerging buck - naked from the backside of a mechanical rhino is something to see . though an arguable improvement over the original  ace ventura : when nature calls is still a snooze for anyone over the age of ten . the script is virtually devoid of wit . tribal mask jokes ? jerry lewis cameos ? forget it . if anything  the inexplicable presence of simon callow ( four weddings and a funeral ) and bob gunton ( the shawshank redemption ) suggests that working with carrey is the classical actor ', s ultimate challenge . just how long * can * they keep a straight face ?
neg synopsis : wealthy cuban landowner luis ( banderas ) gets more than he bargained for when he sends away for an american bride . not only does his new wife turn out to be the beautiful julia ( jolie )  she also harbours a secret past of dubious merit . soon  julia has absconded with both luis ', fortune and his heart  and as he pursues his wife through the cuban underworld  luis begins to realise that  for him  there is no turning back . review : given the absurdism of its would - be plot  it ', s unlikely that " original sin " could have been turned into a reputable piece of filmmaking  regardless of writer  director or stars . this is  at its heart  b - movie junk : a lurid melodrama which appeals to neither the brain nor the heart but to the nether regions . that said  " original sin " could at least have become enjoyable junk had the filmmakers embraced its trashiness and indulged in it . instead  cristofer seems to have mistaken this for a serious production  and directs it as such . the result is a vapid  uninteresting morass of obvious crosses and double crosses  as likely to incite a yawn as a thrill . consider the initial sex scene between banderas and jolie : brightly - lit and mostly filmed from above  it looks like an excerpt from an amateur soft porn show . cristofer doesn ', t even manage to capture the allure of cuba ; instead of portraying his setting as a steamy  sensuous island paradise  it appears bland and lifeless . at least banderas and jolie manage to inspire some interest ; there are hints at times that they want to have more fun with the script  but aren ', t being given the chance . the same cannot be said of jane  whose billy is nebbish and transparent . also unwise is the jolie framing sequence  which practically gives away the film ', s denouement .
neg when a pair of films from the same director gets released just three weeks apart  it could mean one of two things : that the recently overworked individual is due for a well - deserved rest  or that either of these movies has been sitting in a studio safe for a while and the timing is merely a coincidence . the latter ', s the case with john mctiernan and " the thirteenth warrior  " which finally hits theatres a year and counting after its original spring ', 98 opening - and fast on the heels of mctiernan ', s " the thomas crown affair " remake  a flick that got good reviews . you don ', t have to believe superstitions to wager a guess that " thirteenth " won ', t be so lucky . reportedly shelved following skirmishes between mctiernan and producer michael crichton  whose " eaters of the dead " novel provides " warrior " ', s source ( and its initial title )  this messy melange of culture - clash drama and brutal warfare feels empty and sluggish - sorta like " braveheart " without any of the passion . but the bloodshed certainly remains : there ', s enough carnage on display here to satisfy those in search of purely visceral thrills  though please note that the admittedly pungent battle sequences containing all this death and dismemberment alternate with talky passages interminable in their dullness . these circa - 10th century clashes involve a roving band of cannibalistic creatures capable of decapitating opponents with their bare hands and a dozen norse soldiers out to stop them from terrorizing the viking countryside . the good guys are loud  crude  often unintelligible and - judging from their highly icky hygiene habits -- pretty smelly to boot  which makes them perfect foils for the dignified arab ambassador ( antonio banderas ) who tags along quite reluctantly . they ', re also so hard to tell apart that it hardly matters when a few of them meet violent demises . you ', ll wince  you ', ll groan  you ', ll grouse  " haven ', t we seen this guy killed twice before ? " banderas stands confused amidst the chaos  partaking mostly from a distance as savages in darth maul facepaint and draped in the latest animal - skin fashion run amok . he ', s not the hero - his soulful eyes and lean build don ', t exactly herald a champion of shwarzenegger proportions - and " the thirteenth warrior " wisely doesn ', t pretend he is  allowing his foreign and physically imposing co - stars to step into the spotlight when the going gets rough . let the characters interaction sans swords and shields  however  and there ', s still a struggle - for the audience to follow or even care about the story . it isn ', t the end until audiences have witnessed a half - baked romance  murky political intrigue  veteran actor omar sharif ( " funny girl " ) dropping by in a cameo role and a climactic " indiana jones and the temple of doom " - esque chase through the villains ', underground lair . all this clutter receives stunning visual treatment courtesy of cinematographer peter menzies jr .  but the collaboration between " die hard " - helmer mctiernan and " jurrasic park " - creator crichton should have yielded more than sumptuous sights  graphic action and unintentionally telling moments . heard during " the thirteenth warrior " ', s final scene : a dog whimpering . how appropriate .
neg " the red violin " is a cold  sterile feature that leaves you uninvolved and detached . it ', s a movie that seems almost clinical  as it traces the 300 - plus - years history of the legendary musical instrument of the title . opening in the 17th century  the story shows how violin - maker nicolo bussotti created the instrument as a gift for his unborn son . but when tragedy strikes  the violin becomes the personification of its maker ', s grief . from there the violin comes into the hands of an orphaned child prodigy at an austrian monastery . again  tragedy strikes as the child is struck down at the moment of his triumph . we follow the violin through the centuries as it finds a home in england and in mao ', s communist china before being discovered by expert charles morritz ( samuel l . jackson )  who mounts a painstaking investigation to prove its authenticity . the violin becomes morritz ', s obsession  just as it is for all those who converge on a montreal auction house to bid on it . morritz  however  is the only one who knows the secret of the instrument and can understand and appreciate its creator ', s intention . " the red violin " could have been a touching  inspirational story  as soaring as a beethoven symphony . however director francois girard fails to make any emotional connection with the viewer . here is a story that could have made use of various camera angles and lighting to heighten its impact . girard  for some unknown reason  uses mostly master shots  keeping his camera - and thus us - at a distance . we get no feel for the miracle that is the violin . it ', s resonance  its purity of sound are not emphasized enough to make an impression . nor are any of the performances memorable . it ', s as if girard wanted all his actors to play second fiddle to his violin . " the red violin " promises much  but delivers little . it is dull at times  a bit pretentious and a might murky . the movie ', s music soars over its story and performers . and that is its only saving grace .
neg there have been merchant - ivory costume dramas with more of a pulse than " the mod squad  " a self - consciously " hip " cinematic rendering of the old tv series still looked upon fondly by so many baby - boomers . well  said " squad " certainly won ', t be a pleasant viewing experience for them or anybody else  maybe even the teen target audience the movie has been geared towards . a contemporary take on this decidedly ', 70s show doesn ', t exactly seem unwarranted  but one wonders if the mold it accumulated while waiting on the shelf didn ', t transform into a full - blown case of botulism . how curious that the film begins by defining both mod and squad  insisting that the latter is a group of people working together and then contradicting this definition by keeping its titular trio apart for a sizeable chunk of the running time . they are julie  pete and linc  reformed delinquents working undercover for the lapd ( exposition put out of the way so fast that you ', re likely to be lost from the opening moments on )  and they are respectively played by claire danes  giovanni ribisi and omar epps  talented actors each deserving of better than this . their plight involves standard cop - corruption stuff  as our would - be protagonists catch wind of an internal cover - up after their superior ( reliable dennis farina  one of the best things here and gone so quickly ) gets killed and framed for drug trafficking . they pout a lot and eventually get cracking to expose this convoluted conspiracy using surveillance tactics that would impress the hardy boys and linda tripp but few others . when you ', re supposed to be asking  " what ', s going to happen next ? "  you ', ll instead entertain thoughts like " who are these people and why should i care ? " or " aren ', t thrillers supposed to contain thrills ? " not that danes  epps and ribisi don ', t give it a shot . danes can do the troubled teen thing in her sleep  as evidenced by " my so - called life  " but she ', s saddled with a mysterious - boyfriend ( josh brolin ) subplot so see - through you begin to seriously question her so - called intelligence . ditto for ribisi ', s ( " saving private ryan " ) looney loose cannon  though at least he performs with a wild - and - crazy vigor that occasionally demands attention . but epps - poor epps . epps ( " higher learning " ) is so short - changed he ', s reduced to literally waiting around for a bad guy to chase him . all this sloppiness can be attributed to the screenwriters  one of whom  scott silver  is also the director . they must think that if they dress up their stupid story in such spiffy trappings ( the look of the film is really quite impressive )  it ', ll somehow pay off  but this " mod squad " plods anyway . characters are non - existent ; present are just some good - looking young things modeling cool levis and cooler attitudes . plot hardly escapes confusing convention . and the one genre element you ', d think would be show up in generous portions - a few nifty explosions  some fights  any kind of action whatsoever - only rarely makes it to this dull gabfest . all those quick to put down last month ', s inept but serviceable " my favorite martian " update need to take a step back . here ', s a small - to - big - screen translation that really should ', ve stayed in its former incarnation  " mod " or not .
neg ready to rumble is not a masterpiece in film ; i have a problem even regarding it as a film . it ', s more of a show  a big commercial for ted turner ', s world championship wrestling ( wcw ) . the movie is almost entirely about and fully showcases the wrestlers of the wcw like diamond dallas page  goldberg  and sting . the story is very minimal and basic . there are these two guys  gordy ( david arquette ) and sean ( scott caan ) . they are two twenty - something wrestling fans from wyoming . when they go to a live event for the big match up  there favorite wrestler jimmy king ( oliver platt ) is defeated and his career is announced to be over by the mean commissioner titus ( joe pantoliano ) . gordy and sean decide to go on a quest to find jimmy and bring him back to the top and defeat the evil titus ', plans . on the way  they meet some people  have some fun  and clean up some port - o - potties . sounds great huh  well it ', s not . the movie makes many attempts at humor  only a few of them work . the jokes that make you laugh  however  do not outnumber the film ', s many duds . there is a funny repertoire between arquette and a convenience store cashier played by ahmet zappa . the cashier is very mean to arquette so arquette dreams of ways to get him back . i especially enjoyed one version in which they have a wrestling match and arquette ', s tag team partner is ', macho man ', randy savage . they wrestle between the aisles knocking over cans and getting body slammed on the floor . the other good part of the film is the sexual confrontation between arquette and rose mcgowan . mcgowan plays sasha the head nitro girl  the cheerleaders of the wcw . she becomes attracted to gordy and they have some nice  funny scenes together especially one scene in which arquette calls mcgowan ', s breasts foreign objects than punches her directly into the face . now what didn ', t work in this movie ? that would be the rest of it . the flick was filled with stupid potty humor about farts and toilets . the two lead characters work for a port - o - potty cleaning company and when they crash the truck  the excrements spill all over the road . it ', s not funny ; it ', s pathetic and brainless . the film is giving homage to how blindly faithful of their wrestlers but not all wrestling fans are that way . i watch it for entertainment and i would think some people would take offense to what is said throughout the movie . the main characters in the film actually get to wrestle  like that would happen to any fan  especially to 2 that stalk a wrestler and sneak him back onto set . also  i wondered how they got into the backstage so easily ; they just walked right in . i like wrestling . i watch it at home and laugh . it ', s continuously funny and has great characters otherwise i wouldn ', t watch it . this movie wasn ', t even funny or fun to watch like the wrestling on tv . the only fun i had in the movie was pointing out the wrestlers i knew . the funny thing was that many of the wcw featured wrestlers like saturn and chris benoit have left wcw for more money but are still featured in the film prominently . the movie was too dim - witted to be funny . it is possibly the most useless and under - developed film ever . a recent film in this genre of fans would be the kiss fan film  detroit rock city . that movie was interesting  well done and continuously funny unlike this film . the acting was good plus the jokes had humor and made you laugh . now that the scream trilogy is over  arquette has nothing else to do so he has to do crap like this and be a spokesman in those dumb 1 - 800 - call - att ads . at least he has a hot wife in courtney cox . he ', s in the funny parts of the film but there aren ', t enough to make him look good . the music was bad also feature such overplayed tunes as kid rock ', s " bawitdaba " and " cowboy " . martin landau has a great cameo as a classic  hard - nosed wrestling trainer named sal that whips the king back into shape to regain his throne . script is important to a film but this piece of crap could have been made with a couple of scribblings on a napkin . a fan of the wrestlers who are featured in the film probably wrote it . at times the movie even tries to show wrestling as real . the wrestlers form alliances  go to people ', s houses and beat them up . it ', s utterly ridiculous . the whole film was a wasteful  dumfounding experience . the movie was made to pay homage to the fans  telling them things that made wrestling  not the wrestlers . the wrestlers are making more money to make a movie to thank the fans for begin fans by paying 5 dollars to see a potty - humor movie . the wcw sucks and this movie is just a pathetic two - hour commercial to watch it . if you ', re going to watch wrestling watch wwf  it ', s actually entertaining . the wrestling is betters  they ', re funnier  more diverse  and have better entrance themes . oh and the girls are hotter . is this what movies have become  2 hour - long commercials that you have to pay to see ? don ', t waste your money .
neg wyatt earp details thirty - five years in the life of same from around 1865 to 1900 . after seeing the movie speed twice recently  i kept thinking that i was seeing wyatt ', s life pass before my eyes in real time . this movie was boring  slow  boring  and slow . there were a few scenes that tried to be great scenes that tried too hard and just fell flat . the script happily woman - bashes but also tries to sound like an 80s movie . they cannot have it both ways . " i now pronounce you husband and wife . " sure  they said that in the 1800s . " entrepreneur . " sure . every bit of male - ego - stroking dialogue that wyatt ', s third wife speaks to him made me sick to listen to it . " oh  the script was written by two men ? " " no kidding ! " the movie is torture to sit through . the scenery is boring . the fades were either awkward or cliche or to self important . can you say poor editing ? everyone looks ugly in this movie . when you shoot people from under their chins  they look like they have double chins . kevin costner has never looked worse . he should sue . he looks like he gained the 43 pounds that dennis quaid lost . dennis quaid is marvelous . if you have to see this movie just for his performance  go into the theatre at the movie ', s halfway mark . doc holliday ( quaid ', s character ) shows up at about the 90 - minute mark . gene hackman is very good . is he in the credits ? i don ', t remember seeing his name . mare winningham makes the best of a small role as wyatt ', s second wife . annabeth gish is good as wyatt ', s first wife . i though that jamie gertz played wyatt ', s third wife  but i later heard that her name is joanna going . she looks great but her dialogue sucks . she also seems way to young for costner . costner seems way to old for 90 % of this movie . in his first scene he is supposed to be about 19 years old . yeah  right . catherine o ', hara and jobeth williams are always good and totally wasted here . this is the worst movie that i have seen in years . the last action hero was better that this . go see maverick if you want to see a western . bullets for dennis quaid ', s performance only .
neg david schwimmer ( from the television series " friends " ) stars as a sensitive ( and slightly neurotic ) single guy who gets more than he expected from the grieving mother ( barbara hershey ) of a classmate he can ', t remember . hello mrs . robinson ! though quite cute as a romantic comedy  the pallbearer is paced like a funeral march . the characters act  react  and interact at half - speed  making for one * excruciatingly * long sit . ( and what ', s with the dreary lighting ? ) co - writer / director matt reeves brings some snap to the story ', s midsection ; the film briefly comes to life when our hero attempts to resolve his feelings for * another * classmate ( a very appealing gwyneth paltrow ) . by this time  though  most viewers will have either fled or fallen asleep . those tough souls who stay with it can marvel at the sleepy - eyed schwimmer  a hound dog with a head cold  who can go for over an hour without ever changing his expression .
neg " saving silverman " is a good example of a good comedy gone bad . as a love story it is good  however as a comedy it falls flat on it ', s face . i think throughout the short 90 minutes i laughed a total of seven times . . . and those were just chuckles at the most ! the movie doesn ', t have the oomph to make it a great movie  and doesn ', t have the script to make it a funny movie . wayne lefessier ( steven zahn )  j . d . mcnugent ( jack black )  and darren silverman ( jason biggs ) have grown up all their lives together  they have been best friends forever and vow to stay close till the end . while in a bar after doing a show with their band  based on their love of neil diamond  darren meets a young woman named judith ( amanda peet ) whom he instantly falls for . wayne and j . d . however think differently and when judith tells darren that he can never see his friends again  it ', s up to wayne and j . d . to try and begin saving silverman . the performances are topnotch and surprisingly  they are what keep the movie afloat . jason biggs right off the flop " loser " does an ok job playing silverman  but he is stale and flat at times . steve zahn is perfect in the role of wayne lefessier  and even though the movie is about silverman  lefessier is really the main character and the narrator of the movie itself . jack black is well jack black  and he does an all right job as j . d . but he isn ', t as funny as he has been in the past . amanda peet plays the ultimate bitch as judith  and neil diamond plays neil diamond ( he ', s better at singing than acting ) . anyway the performances in the film are good  but it ', s too bad the script isn ', t . speaking of script  hank nelkan ', s choppy script is not only badly written  but not funny enough even for an episode of sesame street . the trailer for the movie  as with most movies gives away everything that happens in the movie  especially the funniest parts . somewhere " saving silverman " was meant to be a good movie  and it could have been  but alas in the end it wasn ', t . dennis dugan ', s direction is all right  he adds a few directorial touches here and there  nothing special being a simple comedy . " saving silverman " is a perfectly bad movie in more ways than one . it has a great cast  a good director and a sweet story . . . it ', s just too bad it has a bad script and is all together a bad movie .
neg one of my brother ', s favorite movies is h . b . halicki ', s 1974 cult flick " gone is sixty seconds  " one of the best products of the car - chase genre that provided drive - in fare during the 1970 ', s . chase pics had more tire squeals than dialogue  but they had a strong visceral appeal . although it boasts a bigger budget and familiar stars  the remake of " gone in sixty seconds " is relatively weak and dull . randall " memphis " raines ( nicolas cage ) is a retired car thief who runs a go - cart track . he got out of crime so that his younger brother kip ( giovanni ribisi ) would not take up boosting cars . however  kip became a thief anyway  and now he ', s in big trouble . kip promised to deliver fifty luxury and sports cars to gangster raymond calitri ( christopher eccleston ) by the end of the week . calitri expects memphis to fulfill kip ', s bargain ; if he doesn ', t come through  kip dies . memphis gathers his old crew ( angelina jolie  robert duvall  will patton  chi mcbride  and vinnie jones )  and kip brings his boys ( t . j . cross  william lee scott  scott caan  and james duval ) . as if calitri breathing down their necks wasn ', t bad enough  the team is pursued by a cop ( delroy lindo ) who ', s still ticked off that he never busted memphis and by a rival gangster ( rap star master p ) who wants to take over calitri ', s clients . watching " gone  " i discovered that stealing fifty cars is not any more interesting than stealing one . maybe that ', s why the first forty - nine are fairly easy  and the thrills are saved for " eleanor  " a 1967 shelby gto  a model that has always eluded memphis . but the big chase doesn ', t live up to the long wait . i had high hopes for " gone " because it is director dominic sena ', s second film . " kalifornia  " his 1993 debut  was a brilliant study in the relationship between violence and its audience . in that movie sena took a simple thriller plot ( a couple gives a serial killer a ride ) and successfully endowed it with deeper significance . in " gone " he seems to be aiming for a drama about two brothers who can ', t communicate with each other  but that goal just doesn ', t mesh with this plot . " gone " either takes itself too seriously or not seriously enough . it ', s not light enough to be fun  or mean enough to be intense . this chaser has more dialogue than tire squeals but is none the better for it . the lack of action is a waste of the premise  which should have challenged the filmmakers to create the most spectacular car chases ever . the weak script is a waste of a talented cast . in a " newsweek " interview last year  sean penn blasted his old pal nic cage for making bad movies . much as i like cage  for every good picture he does ( " leaving las vegas  " " bringing out the dead " )  there are two major stinkers ( " snake eyes  " " con air  " " 8mm  " " city of angels " ) . that ratio is probably better than what a lot of his peers can boast  but cage has real talent . it ', s a shame to waste it in glitzy  superficial tripe like " gone in 60 seconds . "
neg steve martin is one of the funniest men alive . if you can take that as a true statement  then your disappointment at this film will equal mine . martin can be hilarious  creating some of the best laugh - out - loud experiences that have ever taken place in movie theaters . you won ', t find any of them here . the old television series that this is based on has its moments of humor and wit . bilko ( and the name isn ', t an accident ) is the head of an army motor pool group  but his passion is his schemes . every episode involves the sergeant and his men in one or another hair - brained plan to get rich quick while outwitting the officers of the base . " mchale ', s navy " ', s granddaddy . that ', s the idea behind this movie too  but the difference is that  as far - fetched and usually goofy as the television series was  it was funny . there is not one laugh in the film . the re - make retains the goofiness  but not the entertainment . everything is just too clean . it was obviously made on a hollywood back lot and looks every bit like it . it all looks brand new  even the old beat - up stuff . martin is remarkably small in what should have been a bigger than life role . in the original  phil silvers played the huckster with a heart of gold and more than a touch of sleaziness . martin ', s bilko is a pale imitation . the only semi - bright spot is phil hartman as bilko ', s arch - enemy . it ', s not saying much  considering martin ', s lackluster character  but hartman leaves him in the dust .
neg have you ever been in an automobile accident where you ', ve miraculously walked away with only a few scratches  yet the car has been obliterated into an unrecognizable  mangled wreck ? well  that has never actually happened to me and i hope that none of us will ever experience this situation . but after watching this inane exercise of a movie  i certainly feel that i ', ve miraculously walked away unscathed after a two - hour ride that mercilessly careens back and forth before finally plummeting into an icy pond . oddly  ` eye of the beholder  ', which is a psychological - romance - thriller  starts off promisingly enough when the opening sequence introduces us to a british intelligence agent  called the eye ( ewan mcgregor )  working in washington dc . in the humorous opening scene  he eyes a top lawyer across the street in his office with his pants down . using an array of high - tech surveillance and communications equipment  he proceeds to transmit pictures of the bared lawyer to pc screens and fax machines in his office . the law firm ', s employees get a good chuckle . the audience gets a good chuckle . the eye is later given an assignment where he encounters a beautiful woman ( ashley judd ) . there is something compelling about this mysterious woman . despite her glamorous looks  however  we learn that she is a psychopath with a propensity to kill men that get too close to her . after the murders  she sobs while singing the christmas tune ` little bluebirds ', and laments about being abandoned by her father long ago . after each killing  she puts on a different wig  assumes a new name  and then makes her way to another state . the eye has witnessed all her murderous transgressions . but he does not alert the authorities . he somehow empathizes with her sense of loss . the eye  it turns out  also is haunted by his past . his daughter was taken away from him and he anguishes this loss every day of his life . his tormented psyche creates a ghost - like image of his daughter with which he engages in conversation . she becomes a sort of spectral adviser  and one thing that the ghostly daughter says is that he must help the woman . he now diverts his energies into trying to help her find some kind of salvation . it doesn ', t matter that he has witnessed all of her murders . and it doesn ', t matter that the eye is abnormally reticent  hiding his entire life behind computer screens . he follows her to a dozen different locales and shadows her every move to keep her out of trouble . when a crazed druggie ( jason priestley ) attacks her  he shows up for some quick butt kicking . when the police are closing in to arrest her  he provides a distraction so that she can escape . all the while  the woman has no idea who her guardian angel is and the eye stays just out of sight . peculiar . how bad is this movie ? i refer you to my ` review quote source ', litmus test . just take a look at the full - page ad in the newspaper and see where they are pulling quotes . for this movie  they are from magazines called ` flaunt ', and ` mirabella . ', no doubt  they were impressed with judd ', s series of catwalks and disguise changes . the major problem with ` eye of the beholder ', is that the film jerks forward  always unsure of its ultimate destination . if it was a thriller  there was little to keep us entranced . if it was a love story  there was absolutely no emotional pull . completely disjointed in structure  it ', s only saving grace was its stylish look which reminded me of my favorite car commercial ( the one where the ` 6 ', on the tachometer dissolves into a winding road and a passenger rail car dissolves into a small miniature on a child ', s train set ) . i am also still hopeful that ashley judd will find a serious role to showcase her potential talents . beyond that  the film is hopelessly out - of - control and is in need of seriously better traction and handling .
neg bad . bad . bad . that one word seems to pretty much sums up beyond the valley of the dolls . if that summary isn ', t enough for you  how about t & a  t & a  t & a ? still haven ', t got the point ? other than director russ meyer ', s predilection for casting attractive large breasted women who ultimately expose the afore - mentioned anatomical areas  there is really only one other reason to recommend even taking a look at this movie . that is the fact that it was co - written by famed film critic roger ebert  who also was responsible for the screenplay . after watching this movie you will never be able to sit through another one of his reviews where he gives a movie a thumbs down for bad writing with a straight face . this movie stinks out loud . quite frankly  this movie deserves a . but there are parts of it that are so bad they are almost funny . so i ', m giving it a . and maybe that is too generous . right from the opening credits  i knew that i had a class - a bomb on my hands . not only are the way the credits actually shot distracting  but the first scene you see includes a big breasted young woman being chased by a guy in a nazi uniform . i had absolutely no idea why the hell that was happening ( it does get explained later ) and as soon as the first scene is over  we cut to a completely unrelated scene . to be honest  as i sat through this movie mesmerized by just how incredibly awful it was  i actually forgot about the seemingly out of place opening until it popped up again later in the film . with the quality of the writing during the rest of the film  it wouldn ', t have surprised me if the opening had never been explained . so what is this movie about ? you ask . like it really matters . ok  here goes . this all - girl band headed by kelly macnamara ( dolly reed ) and her friends go to hollywood to try to gain a foothold in the music industry . once there  they do manage to find success ( due as much to their hooters as anything else ? it sure wasn ', t for their brutally bad singing voices )  and the movie chronicles how their lives change for the worse as the pressures of fame get to them . everything from big egos  to booze and drugs to free flowing sex sends them on a downward spiral . there are a couple of other idiotic subplots thrown in for good measure  but the fame is the one that pretty much sums up this thing . > from a creative standpoint there is nothing redeeming here . other than the above - mentioned obsession with big knockers that russ meyer seemed to have . the dialogue is so incredibly bad that it literally is funny in parts . mr . ebert has generously thrown in helpings of " hey man "  " dig " and my all time favorite -- " this is my happening  and it freaks me out " . now i ask you  with lines like that how can you go wrong ? ebert had tried to inject as many big words as possible into the dialogue . maybe he thought it would make the movie seem smarter . i don ', t know  but all the big words in the world wouldn ', t be able to disguise the bad writing and even worse acting . but the wretched dialogue goes along well with the wretched quality of everything else in this movie . i ', ve seen home movies directed better than meyer managed with this turkey . in fact  there is one scene -- the one in which they are in a van driving to hollywood to make their fortunes -- during which i really had to question if meyer or his editors had just suffered serious head injuries . add to the directing and writing the music in this movie . i almost got up to check my sound system to see if it was broken  there was such a pile of crap emanating from the speakers . then we have the cast . first lets start david gurian who played harris  the manager of the band . this has got to be the goofiest looking guy that has ever set foot in front of a motion picture camera . sadly  his acting doesn ', t come close to making up for his looks . if you have been following along up to this point  this shouldn ', t surprise you . meyer ', s stable of well endowed girls also have the benefit of being fairly attractive to go along with their other assets . dolly reed plays kelly  the leader of the band . and no surprise here  she was cast for her cup size  not her talents . and yes  she does loose the shirt a few times and display her impressive talents . sadly  her ass is almost as large as her chest . hey  it a sexist movie  so i ', m writing a sexist review . then we have former playboy playmate cynthia myers in a fairly small role as casey  one of the other band members . this goes along with the rest of the idiotic thinking in the movie . meyer casts a gorgeous playmate with a rack to kill for and who obviously has no acting talent at all  but her nude scenes are the biggest disappointment of all . sure russ  now is the time to get artsy and throw in some well placed shadows . on the up side  she does have a fun lesbo scene . i sound like i ', m writing a review in a porn magazine . but hey  i ', ll admit it ; the only reason that i actually managed to sit through this damn movie was to catch a look at cynthia myers naked . and since that was a huge disappointment  i pretty much wasted two hours of my life on this turkey . the only thing that i can say about this movie is that you should stay away from it . unless of course you want to feel good about yourself by knowing that even a pulitzer prize winning film critic like roger ebert has screwed up at least once in his life too . and if you are thinking of checking it out for the double d ', s -- you are better off just downloading nude cynthia myers pictures off the internet . this is a movie that should be avoided at all costs . an even better idea might be to require video stores to place a warning on the box of beyond the valley of the dolls -- beware : this movie is extremely hazardous to your common sense . proceed with extreme caution .
neg by - the - numbers : a film which introduces characters  situations  dilemmas and developments that we ', ve seen before in a parade of other films . a film which can easily be guessed out by the end of frame number one . a film which is packed to the cap with predictability  leading to very little tension  excitement  suspense or interest on the part of its paying audience . in short  a clich ? - ridden formula film . welcome to my review of the general ', s daughter . plot : an undercover army detective and a rape counselor find themselves locked inside an investigation into some bigwig general daughter ', s rape  torture and murder . they must delve through all of the unspoken army rules and the hush - hushes  to figure out the conspiracy behind the shocking murder . critique : by the numbers ( see above ) . this film is just there . it sits there on the big screen for a couple of hours  floats around  goes away  hopefully never to be heard from again . it is so predictable that even a blind man could see its plot points coming a mile away . it ', s as suspenseful as a leaf dropping from a tree . it ', s as action - packed as a canadian curling tournament . get the picture ? i sure did . . . it ', s too bad that it took my friend and i less than two minutes to figure out the entire plot  and to break down each scene before it was even completed . easy as pie . it ', s unfortunate because james woods and john travolta actually have one extremely enjoyable scene together near the beginning of the film  but alas  t ', was not to be ( that scene alone scored two of my four points allotted . ) woods chews it up in the few scenes that he ', s in  travolta passes the test  cromwell plays  well  cromwell  and stowe is window dressing with a smile ( mia since 12 monkeys ( 8 / 10 ) it seems ) . and this predictability isn ', t reserved only to those who have seen films like courage under fire or a few good men  it runs deep inside every one of us who knows to suspect someone as soon as they see their obvious guilty mug on the big screen . it ', s like riding a bike . other scenarios which sponge out any tension  suspense or interest from this film include every single character eventually " breaking down " to the investigators without much reason given  a ridiculously placed background relationship between two of the lead characters  as much action as my grandparents bedroom nightly  and a directorial style that can only reward director simon west with a solid nomination for the " best poor man ', s michael bay doing his best poor man ', s impression of tony scott " ( add two scenes with sunlight shining through some half - open shades for grit and integrity  and an all - out rainfall for the finale for further chaos  and you ', re a great director . yawn . yeah  whatever tony . . . i mean  simon . ) and aren ', t we all sick of hearing about these army " bad boys " and their overdone " code of silence " ? ! enough already ! next subject  please . see it on video if you wanna fall asleep after seeing a much better movie like an officer and a gentleman ( 8 . 5 / 10 ) . otherwise  save yourself the trouble and go take a crap instead . you ', ll feel much better afterwards . trust me . little known facts about this film and its stars : ironically  john travolta turned down the lead role in an officer and a gentleman  which eventually went to little dickie gere . ironically on james woods ', part  he completed one of his earliest acting roles on tv ', s " welcome back  kotter "  starring none other than john travolta . actor james woods recently confirmed reports of his " big dick " on howard stern ', s radio program . unlike rocker tommy lee  woods is also alleged to have an iq of 180 . he apparently scored a perfect 800 on his verbal sats and a 779 on the math section . what a man ! john travolta is married to actress kelly preston  and they have a son named jett ( travolta loves them planes ! ) . word on the street is that the kid was apparently conceived during a weekend at demi moore and bruce willis ', home . director simon west ', s first film was the jerry bruckheimer produced con air ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) . before that  he directed tv commercials including the budweiser ad with the dancing ants . yippee ! veteran director john frankenheimer ( ronin ( 7 . 5 / 10 )  the manchurian candidate ) portrays the character of general sonnenberg in this film . the imdb reports that when senator robert kennedy was shot at the ambassador hotel in los angeles on june 5  1968  it was his good friend john frankenheimer who had personally driven him there that day . clarence williams iii  who plays colonel fowler in this film  is known to some from his role as " linc " in the original " mod squad " tv series . younger folk may remember him as prince ', s father in purple rain .
neg who knew that in 16 years eddie murphy  who made such a brash  raucous big - screen splash in _48_hrs . _  would become . . . cuddly . the disconcerting trend begun in this summer ', s cutesy  largely laugh - free _doctor_dolittle_ continues with this earnest - to - a - fault dramedy . although he is top - billed  here murphy is merely support for jeff goldblum  who plays ricky hayman  the programming director at a home shopping network . sales are way down  and ricky ', s job hangs by a thread until he meets g ( murphy )  a mysterious spiritual guru whom a desperate ricky puts on the air . while sales skyrocket and g becomes an overnight sensation  the reinvigorated ricky ', s greed grows  endangering his budding romance with a goodhearted media research consultant ( kelly preston ) . writer tom schulman has some promising ideas  satirizing home shopping and infomercials and the nature of instant celebrity . but these ideas would have more bite if stephen herek had invested any energy into the direction of the film . the sluggishly paced _holy_man_ is not only slow and overlong ( 113 minutes )  but an unfunny bore  and murphy can do little to juice up the proceedings ; cleansed of both the attitude _and_ comic sensibility that made him a star ( g is  for the most part  a straight man )  he is a curiously lifeless presence . goldblum is actually quite good  but it ', s hard for the audience to sustain much interest in his character and spiritual journey when the director doesn ', t seem to be much interested  either .
neg " pokemon 3 : the movie " has a lot of bad things in it . first of all it ', s a plot heavy mess that has bad voice talents  badly written script and fantastic animation . the first film came out the end of 1999 and was a huge hit grossing almost $ 90 million domestically . a sequel soon followed and even made $ 45 million . warner has released their third movie based on the immensely popular video game and tv series and its a waste of time and celluloid . this time ash ketchum and his friends are on their way to the johto battles ( which my little brother told me the new spinoff is " pokemon : the johto journeys " so go figure ) anyway he comes in contact with a young girl who ', s father has disappeared after trying to discover the unown . they are small pokemon with a powerful punch and have great psychic abilities . the unown bring together their psychic abilities and create entei a powerful legendary pokemon who barriers young molly ', s house and creates every wish she wants . now it ', s up to ash and his friends to stop this pokemon entei and show him to be a good pokemon rather than a bad one . too bad really that this is a bad movie  surprisingly the first movie was entertaining and somewhat absorbing  the second was a piece of trash and this one is almost in between . it has some good qualities ( animation  message in the end ) but the flaws seem to overpower the goods . i ', m still not sure what the big thing is about pokemon  they are ugly little animals who speak their own name for their language ( besides meowth  my personal favorite ) and you don ', t understand what they are saying . my little brother just thought the movie was amazing  and i kept leaning over and asking him happened  or what pokemon that was . his response was a big lecture of how this is that  and that is this . . . he sure did put me in my place . with the second and third movie being bad  i have a feeling pokemon 4 : the movie might be a total bust as well . " pokemon 3 : the movie " has some redeeming qualities for the kids  and the pokemon fans will dig every minute of this film . for those parents and / or brothers and sisters who have to sit through this . . . bring a pillow .
neg 1 . he doesn ', t have a hard - to - decipher accent  2 . he doesn ', t always speak in a monotone  and 3 . his face doesn ', t always wear the same impassive expression . in short  the former nfl player turned fox sportscaster turned actor is too good to be bad  but too bad to be good . unfortunately  the same cannot be said of his first star vehicle  firestorm  which is just plain awful . one of the most glaring problems with long ( who made his acting debut in john woo ', s broken arrow ) is that he ', s so mediocre that he often blends in with the scenery . as ace firefighter jesse graves  long is supposed to be playing a bigger - than - life action hero -- the kind of he - man who will crash through a flaming door to save a child or parachute into a burning clearing to rescue some stupid campers . unfortunately  despite the best efforts of first - time director dean semler to photograph long using heroic shots that make kevin costner ', s work in the postman look stark  jesse turns out to be a pretty boring good guy . to put it kindly  this is not a well - written motion picture . firestorm is a collection of howlingly bad lines set against a backdrop of disaster movie clich ? s which  taken together  form something that requires a level of viewer inebriation to be recognized as a plot . the only reason this film is getting one star ( instead of something lower ) is that most of the fire sequences are realistic  and i was fascinated by the meticulous planning that must have been necessary to stage them effectively . we ', re introduced to our big burly hero one afternoon when he and some colleagues jump into the midst of a forest fire to save a group of people . during this sequence  our big burly hero proves that he ', s also a sensitive guy by risking his life to save a little girl and her dog ( yes  the dog lives ) from being broiled alive . flash - forward a year . now  our big burly hero is taking over as chief of his smokejumpers association  replacing outgoing honcho wynt perkins ( real actor scott glenn ) . but this day  our big burly hero ', s first in charge  isn ', t going to be business - as - usual . a group of nasty escaped criminals have set a wyoming forest alight to aid their flight to freedom . led by randy earl shaye ( william forsythe )  the sadistic creep who must be killed twice to really die  they pose as canadian firefighters who somehow got lost across the border . along the way  they meet and take hostage the damsel in distress ( suzy amis ) . eventually  our big burly hero is placed in a position where he has to fight the fire  rescue the damsel in distress  defeat the sadistic creep who must be killed twice to really die  and restore order to the galaxy . firestorm ', s director  dean semler  is a former cinematographer ( he won an academy award for his work on dances with wolves )  so it ', s no surprise that the film looks good . unfortunately  that ', s firestorm ', s lone asset  and it falters near the end  when computer - generated special effects fill up the screen . these are of about equal quality to what you might observe on a nintendo 64 video game . the action sequences  which include a variety of chases  are occasionally interesting  but never invigorating . everyone  including long  appears to be going through the motions . there isn ', t a memorable performance to be found from beginning to end  unless you count the forest fire  which generates some heat . as the sadistic creep who must be killed twice to really die  william forsythe lacks panache . he ', s worse than a generic bad guy ; he ', s a boring generic bad guy who doesn ', t have any snappy one - liners to hurl at our big burly hero . my advice to scott glenn ( absolute power ) and suzy amis ( titanic ) is to accidentally forget this film the next time they ', re making out a resume . there ', s some small comfort in knowing this early in the year that i already have one entry for my bottom 10 list . ( at least i hope there aren ', t 10 worse films than this . ) and i know i wasn ', t the only one who really disliked this movie . as the audience was filing out of the screening  i loitered in the theater lobby to catch a few comments . the general consensus seemed to be that  although the movie sucked  the promotional key ring was cool . the problem is that fox won ', t be giving out key rings to regular movie - goers  so that nixes any reason to see firestorm .
neg seen at : amc old pasadena 8  pasadena  ca ( in sdds ) paul verhoeven ', s last movie  showgirls  had a bad script  bad acting  and a " plot " ( i use the word in its loosest possible sense ) that served only to allow lots of sex and nudity . it stank . starship troopers has a bad script  bad acting  and a " plot " that serves only to allow lots of violence and gore . it stinks . nobody will watch this movie for the plot  but here ', s a brief synopsis anyway . some friends straight out of high school sign up for the federal reserve ( armed forces ) at a time when evil bugs from the planet klendathu are sending meteors towards earth from the other side of the galaxy . after one slips through the defences and destroys buenos aires ( the home city of the main characters )  war is declared . this involves sending the grunts  who include johnny rico ( van dien ) and dizzy ( meyer )  down to the surface of the bugs ', planet . much carnage ensues . the troops are withdrawn and sent to another planet to answer a distress call . more carnage ensues . after being rescued  their plans are changed to capture a " brain bug " which is believed to be controlling the aliens ', battle plans ( look  i didn ', t write this  ok ? ) . yet more carnage ensues . get the picture ? interspersed throughout all this are brief " ads " from the federal network  which present the picture of a neo - fascist state  much like in verhoeven ', s robocop . there are many problems with starship troopers . the plot  where one exists to drive the movie onwards  is silly . harris ( star of tv ', s doogie howser  md ) is presented with a psychic ability to talk to his ferret early on in the movie  apparently so we will accept his ability to mind - meld with a " brain bug " later on . in addition  the first thirty minutes of the movie ( until the characters sign up for service ) drag on like a bad episode of beverly hills  90210 . the characters are one - dimensional  so much so  that when dizzy is killed  she says it ', s ok because she got to sleep with rico . i had hoped that verhoeven ', s use of a no - name cast would allow him to kill off several of the lead characters to surprise the audience  but such an idea appears to have escaped him . the dialogue is embarassing and isn ', t helped by the frequently terrible delivery ( i almost burst out laughing when harris delivered his speech about the need to sacrifice a few hundred people for the good of the species ) . finally  the fake " ads " become a nuisance . although they evoke the propaganda of the wwii - era movietone reels ( as presumably they are meant to )  their complete lack of subtlety blunts their effect . some people will say all of that ', s irrelevant -- the movie hinges on the battle scenes . so what about those battle scenes ? well  i admit the effects are good -- the bugs move about quite convincingly  especially when they have been deprived of a few of their limbs . and people have their brains blown out  their limbs cut off  and their bodies ripped in two in quite impressive ways . but this is my problem . the entertainment value of the film rests almost entirely on its graphic portrayal of gore  and its continous attempt to gross us out ( starting early on when richards ', character vomits on - screen ) . verhoeven appears to be trying to make a movie employing the elements that made a robocop a success  but fails spectacularly . while robocop had a message about the importance of being human  and gave the bad guys some motivation  starship troopers lacks even these simple features . when the brain bug sucks out a character ', s brain near the end of the film  it ', s merely an analogy for what the film has done to us . this film is full of graphic violence and is not suitable for children under 16 .
neg often similar to a little boy lost in a park that he had no right venturing into  the call of the oboe ( o toque do oboe ) is a disappointing film that seems to have wandered astray . many elements of the film are solid  and have potential far greater than director claudio macdowell will ever know  but they simply don ', t convert into a solid work . although a setting is never established  it becomes apparent . the film takes place somewhere in a latin american village in present day . the community is a dull one  where every day is a downhill slide from the last . over time  the people have taken to themselves . the town cinema is closed  no tourist has passed through in years  and the daily funeral processions are accompanied by no one other than the grave digger . so what happens when a " tourist " ( paolo betti ) does arrive one day ? he sends this routine and dull town into mayhem and shock . it is revealed that he is a musician who plays the oboe as a hobby . when he sits down in the park one day to give a solo performance  the entire community gathers around for their first bit of entertainment in countless years . it is from that that the musician meets some of the villagers  and agrees to play at the local cinema in accompaniment to a silent film  thus opening the theatre for the first time in ages . the woman that talks him into this witty task is the cinema owner ( leticia vota ) who also happens to be engaged to the town ', s police inspector  a figure who soon becomes suspicious of his fiance ', s involvement with this musician . the rest of the plot closely resembles a freak show gone horribly astray . it features a character who literally rises from his grave  a woman who has a phone conversation with god  and the aforementioned inspector who goes from an intriguing and serious character  to an almost humorous drunk . technically  this film is a nightmare . the music score is poorly edited into the film  so it is often choppy  rough  and abrupt . the lighting is poor at best  which makes it increasingly difficult to focus on many scenes  and the english subtitles are full of misspelled words  and are often absent presumably on the assumption that the audience will be able to understand some simple portuguese and spanish phrases . this translation flaw is best highlighted at the beginning of the film when what seems to be a relevant fight is filled with dialogue  but the subtitles are limited to fewer than 25 words . in addition  the pace of the film seems uneven . it opens with a series of long panoramic shots that alone can test one ', s patience . the film then moves into a faster pace  that again slows towards the end  as the director seems determined to reach the two hour mark . there was  however  potential for this film . it is a piece exploring the beauty of cinema and music  and the re - unification of people . these are all topics that could easily fill a movie . perhaps  if there were no freak show  and the technical aspects were to improve  there might just be a thing of beauty at the end . most importantly  though  the director would have to patch up the plot and make it flow better so that the two hours aren ', t such a bore . until then  there seems to be little more hope for this piece  than that boy has by simply crying out " mommy " while he wanders astray in a park .
neg a friend invites you to a movie . this film would evade the explosions and special effects of standard summer fare  and be grounded in reality . the plot is as follows : after a terrifying incident  a mother and her independent daughter separate from the father and move away from the city . they need fresh air to get some perspective  maybe to start over . romance begins to brew  however  as one of the locals  played by an international superstar in rugged clothing  sparks things up  ( especially at a country - western slow dance ) . it stars a rising young starlet  helms a good cast  and is directed by one of the better actor - turned - directors in hollywood . you accept . you jump at the opportunity to see  what you believe to be  _the horse whisperer_ . but  poor moviegoer  you have been conned . alas  you find yourself watching  incredulously  _hope floats_ . oh  woe . your hope has sunk . why was this movie made ? why was it released ? it is a travesty on nearly every level  and has the authority to sink the careers of nearly everyone involved . at the hands of a better script  the film could have been a gem . but it is clueless as to what it is about  and only succeeds in transferring same cluelessness to us poor viewers . _hope floats_ stars sandra bullock as birdy  who  after discovering her husband has been cheating on her with her best friend ( on national television no less )  takes her daughter and drives back to her home  helmed by a countryish bumpkin eccentric played by gena rowlands  ( she decorates with stuffed wildlife ) . birdy ', s nephew  travis ( played by _leave it to beaver_ ', s cameron finley )  is under her custody  and in one of the film ', s many failed in - jokes  is always seen wearing a different halloween costume . what is the point of this ? does it make any sense ? is it supposed to be funny ? the point of the film is to show that the family is eccentric  but i was convinced that the grandma should have been locked up for endangering the mental welfare of a child . all of this undercuts the plot  of which there is none . there are only many scenes that are supposed to register emotion . there ', s the scene where birdy  who used to be the prom queen  is humbled by approaching a peer she once mocked  for a job . there ', s the scene where birdy dances with her father  in the hospital for alzheimer ', s . and then there ', s the sentimental scenes with justin  played by harry connick jr .  who is taking a liking to her again  showing her a beautiful pad that he built from scratch . and during each of these scenes  i was sidetracked by my earlier question . what sort of eccentric grandmother go through such great pains as to provide a dog costume  a kermit costume  a cowboy costume ( with whip )  and a full furred barney costume for her grandson to wear during dinner ? what sort of warped ramifications would this lead for the rest of his life ? outside of this  there are other sure signs of screenwriters block . when the daughter stands up to the bully at school . when birdy almost loses her job . when the family pulls in a goofy lip - synch to cheer someone up . when someone dies . when the daughter cries  ( no  wails ) in exasperation that her father is not coming back . in a movie like this  you notice the strings being pushed  and you sit there  comatose  hoping it will end . who can survive such a debacle ? i worry for bullock ', s career  which has been running on auto - pilot for the last few years . she has an attitude  a solid perkiness  and can drive a bus -- but she can ', t handle the emotional scenes  much less hold a southern accent . harry connick  jr . is worse -- stick with singing  or get some acting lessons  please ! gena rowlands is the best part of the film . but she ', s such a good actress  that it staggers the mind that she ', s weighed down by such lukewarm material here . it would be a severe tragedy if the recurring star of john cassavettes ', great films is known for this film . two notes to forest whittaker : ( 1 ) cut the slow - motion sequences . there are twelve times where you undercut your own direction by such a failed trick . have you done so  you could have shaved off ten - minutes of this almost unbearable debacle . ( 2 ) you ', ve had to know something was wrong if your cinematographer ', s filter makes the candlelight appear like little " x " s . you ', re not a bad director  but you can ', t change a terrible script . there ', s a recurring scene where birdy  working at the neighborhood fotomat  finds the machine go wrong  and image after destroyed  warped  dark image appear . think about it . a succession of destroyed images may have been more entertaining than this movie .
neg any remake of an alfred hitchcock film is at best an uncertain project  as a perfect murder illustrates . frankly  dial m for murder is not one of the master director ', s greatest efforts  so there is ample room for improvement . unfortunately  instead of updating the script  ironing out some of the faults  and speeding up the pace a little  a perfect murder has inexplicably managed to eliminate almost everything that was worthwhile about dial m for murder  leaving behind the nearly - unwatchable wreckage of a would - be ', 90s thriller . almost all suspense films are loaded with plot implausibilities . the best thrillers keep viewers involved enough in what ', s going on so that these flaws in logic don ', t become apparent until long after the final credits have rolled . unfortunately  in a perfect murder  the faults are often so overt that we become aware of them as they ', re happening . this is a very bad sign . not only do such occurrences shatter any suspension of disbelief  but they have the astute viewer looking for the next such blunder . of course  in the case of a perfect murder  at least that gives an audience member something to do besides concentrating on the inane plot and the lifeless  cardboard characters . a perfect murder isn ', t a strict remake of dial m for murder  but it does borrow heavily from frederick knott ', s play ( which was also the source material for hitchcock ', s version  as well as a 1981 made - for - tv retelling ) . emily hayes ( gwyneth paltrow ) is the wealthy wife of powerful wall street mover - and - shaker steven hayes ( michael douglas ) . their marriage isn ', t going well -- emily resents steven ', s controlling instincts  and  as a form of rebellion  she is having an affair with a penniless painter  david shaw ( viggo mortensen ) . when steven learns of the relationship  he decides to confront david  but his approach isn ', t that of a typical cuckolded husband . instead of yelling or threatening  steven offers david a proposal that ', s too good to resist : for $ 500  000 in cash ( $ 100  000 before  the rest after )  he is to break into steven ', s new york apartment and kill emily . ( of course  after getting the first payment  david never bothers to ask how he ', s supposed to get the rest . ) ultimately  i ', m not sure which of the three main characters we ', re supposed to be sympathetic to : the cold - hearted husband  who wants his wife dead so he can get his hands on her fortune ; her mercenary lover  who is willing to do the deed for half - a - million ; or the woman  who is happily carrying on an extramarital affair . not only are these individuals all profoundly dislikable  but they ', re not interesting . ( it ', s possible to make a good movie with detestable characters -- see reservoir dogs -- but there has to be something compelling about them  which  in this case  there isn ', t . ) steven  emily  and david are all lifted directly from the screenwriting 101 text book on stereotypes . the actors in this film are obviously just on hand to get their paychecks . michael douglas is playing the kind of heartless tycoon that he can do in his sleep -- he ', s gordon gekko with an unfaithful wife . gwyneth paltrow  who was recently delightful and appealing in sliding doors  is simply awful here . she now has the dubious distinction of have starred in two of 1998 ', s worst thrillers ( the other being hush ) . at least viggo mortensen ( g . i . jane ) has a little fun with his part  but then he usually does interesting things even in bad movies . the thin supporting cast includes david suchet  the star of " poirot  " as a police inspector  and sarita choudhury ( kama sutra ) as emily ', s best friend . a perfect murder is a plodding production that generates almost no suspense from beginning to end . there aren ', t many twists and turns in the unexpectedly linear script  which makes the ending inevitable almost from the start . it ', s surprising to see director andrew davis  the man behind the fugitive  involved in this mess  but  like his stars  he too needs to earn a living . it ', s just that remaking hitchcock  and doing it so badly  hardly seems to be an honorable way to go about getting the dough .
neg steve martin shines but sgt . bilko fails to impress based on the popular 50 ', s sitcom  sgt . bilko follows the string of old - sitcoms - to - movie conversion fever . remember the brady bunch movie or the beverly hillbillies released sometime back ? ( brady bunch was a moderate hit in in the us while hillbillies flopped ) . i do not really know whether the hollywood minds are running out of good ideas or just being plain lazy  but the tv - conversion - movies are hitting our screens like wildfire  sad to say  with mixed success . such movies are mostly targeted at us viewers since they are usually followings of such series over there and the larger the following  the more likely the sitcom will be made into a movie . sgt . bilko ( frankly  i have not seen any its original tv version )  even with the charm and wild antics of funnymen steve martin and dan akroyd ; failed to entertain . sgt . ernest bilko is the man behind the motor pool ( place of vehicle storage and repair ) of fort baxter . though totally unskilled in the field of work that he is supposed to be in charge of  he has an almost superhuman ability and zeal to sniff out money - making opportunities ; from running a gambling den in the military garage to 4 - d pools . though materialistic in mind  bilko ', s methods has thoughtfully ` enriched ', the lives of the men of fort baxter  providing them with some form of real recreation within the camp and the people love him for that . colonel hall runs the entire fort and thanks to his inborn ` blissfully - confused ', state  bilko has managed to hide his operation  though nearly every living person in the fort knows about it . bilko ', s state of ascent is suddenly under - fire when the pentagon sends major thorn  a tough cookie on army regulations  to check on the progress on the $ 70 million hovertank project  a new weapon under development within the fort ', s grounds . to add to his problems  thorn is determined to bring bilko down in retalliation of a major ` sabo ', done on him by bilko during their younger army days . director jonathan lynn  who directed my cousin vinny ( in which marisa tomei won an oscar for best - supporting actress ) managed to pull sgt . bilko through with suitable pacing and some exceptional moments of laughter  but that is about it . there are really not enough laughter - packed - moments in sgt . bilko to fully entertain the average movie - goer . still  steve martin ', s sgt . bilko is played with finesse and full - force by the renowned comedian . without him  sgt . bilko would have just fell flat on its face . sgt . bilko did moderately well in the us box office early this year but i doubt it will earn much elsewhere around the world . the current trend in mixed successes in such tv - conversions may be a blessing in disguise  really ; at least it will force hollywood to re - think any of its initial intentions to turn another tv - idea into a movie or at the very least approach those ideas with more creativity . unless you are a fan of the tv - series or love to watch steve martin in action  you can skip this one when deciding which movie to catch in the local theatres . i ', m sure there are better ones around .
neg look ! the new version of " psycho " came out and the world didn ', t end ! i guess gus van sant really isn ', t the bringer of the apocalypse ! unfortunately  though  that " psycho " didn ', t end the world as we know is the best thing that can be said for it . van sant ', s controversial " re - telling " of alfred hitchcock ', s classic 1960 film has polarized filmgoers everywhere ( even before it premiered . ) without benefit of an actual viewing  many have said that the film will  at best  suck . being an ( almost ) good critic  i waited until i actually saw it to decide that the film  at best  sucked ( and that concludes the use of the word " suck " and  hopefully  the thoughts that i am a brain - dead orangutan . ) director gus van sant took the original hitchcock film and refilmed it  shot - for - shot  using the same  exact script ( with a few minor alterations . ) the inherent challenge was in making the film suspenseful and scary  even though a large group of the audience will know exactly what will happen at the exact time . suspense probably could have been attained if the actors had been able to create something new or different than the original . sadly  that did not occur . it is hard to be overshadowed by vera miles and john gavin ( from the original " psycho )  but that is what exactly happened to julianne moore and viggo mortensen . in moore ', s case  the film would have been helped if " the x - files " gillian anderson had been cast instead ; especially since moore goes through the entire film doing a scully impression ! from the cold demeanor and expressions to her rigid way of forming a sentence  moore is scully ! mortensen ( who i liked in " g . i . jane " ) opts to play sam loomis as a cowboy / hick  which would have been nice if he had gone past that starting point . sam has a twang and a cowboy hat  but that ', s about it . mortensen turns in one of the most uptight performance in recent memory . anne heche  in the janet leigh role  does a few good things in her brief time on screen . at least her marion crane has a little life in her  which can ', t be said for most of the rest of the cast . the best work  though  comes from vince vaughn  as the demented mama ', s boy  norman bates . he ', s not going to make anyone forget anthony perkins  but he is effective both in being naughty and nice . the best part of the film is the dinner scene heche and vaughn  where they simply talk . there is some solid acting there  something that is not carried through the rest of the film . van sant has made a boring film . all the camera tricks that hitchcock so eloquently used in 1960 aren ', t as eye - catching now . what passed for brilliance then has been copied so many times by so many directors that they don ', t impress or excite . van sant  in what i assume is a grasp at originality  decided to put some stream - of - consciousness images into a few famous scenes ( was that a lamb in the middle of the road ? ) these images  included with some questionable editing choices  took away from the scenes themselves and caused  at first  bewilderment and  later  laughter . definitely not hitchcock ', s intention ! at least danny elfman had the good sense to not mess with bernard herrmann ', s original famous and terrific score . if a film like " psycho " does not frighten  then what ', s the point . aside from norman  the characters are thinly drawn people who leave no connection with the audience . there are things van sant and company could have done to at least make their recreation interesting . in the end  however  the new " psycho " is a noble attempt  but  alas  a dismal failure .
neg an american werewolf in london is john landis ', groundbreaking feature about an american tourist who gets himself bitten by a werewolf in jolly old england . the groundbreaking part of the movie is the special effects . more specifically  the makeup used for the transformation of a man into a werewolf ; and for the ghosts that haunt the main character . even twenty years after its release  that part of the movie is still impressive . although  i would have to say that it really is the only part of the movie that could be considered impressive . the rest of the movie is a run of the mill werewolf flick with some extra gore thrown in for good measure . if it weren ', t for the cutting edge makeup effects used in the werewolf transformation it is most likely that this is a film that would have gone largely unnoticed when it was released back in 1980 . and with good reason -- the acting isn ', t great and neither is the writing . well ok  we don ', t actually expect either of those things to be great in a horror film . but one other important element is lacking here too -- it isn ', t scary . with no exception  you know what is going to happen before it happens . you don ', t even need the obligatory scary music to give you a hint . i will give director john landis credit for this being one of the best looking horror films that i have ever seen . but john  it just wasn ', t scary . i didn ', t know if this was intended to be some sort of romantic drama and the whole werewolf thing was just thrown in to get people to come to the theater to see it  but it didn ', t work for me . actually  it was intended as a sort of a spoof on horror films . but the mix of the comedic moments with the melodrama was so bad ; the intended humor was lost on me . it ', s never a good sign that you don ', t realize a movie is supposed to be funny until after the movie is long over and you read it in the background material . call me crazy  but you shouldn ', t have to do research on a movie to enjoy it . i ', m not even going to get into the plot of the movie that much  since the title pretty well sums the whole thing up . werewolf bites boy ( david naughton ) . boy ends up in hospital where he is tended to and eventually falls for pretty nurse ( jenny agutter ) and then strange things begin to happen to boy . including  and i must admit this is a very nice touch  visits from his friend who was killed in the same werewolf attack that ended up with him in the hospital . the neat thing here is that his buddy is a rapidly deteriorating corpse . i know it sounds strange  but it actually works . the scenes between david naughton and the dead buddy ( griffin dunne ) are really the best parts of the movie . as i said  probably the only reason that this film was a hit was because of the special effects . while they are still impressive today  they aren ', t impressive enough  or plentiful enough to warrant watching this film . and since they are more or less the highlight of the film  there are far better choices out there if you want a scary movie to curl up with your sweetheart to watch . actually  the 1998 sequel  an american werewolf in paris  is more entertaining since it doesn ', t take itself as seriously and actually provides a few more laughs along the way .
neg capsule : annoyingly unentertaining  obvious and paper - thin buddy / cop / drug / sexy - witness movie . presence of director michael bay shows none of the talent he demonstrated in the rock . i ', ve seen this movie already  i said  as i looked at the box art . no  i haven ', t even seen a trailer for the movie ; i don ', t even know what it ', s about  but i can look at the way they ', re promoting it  and i know i ', ve seen it already . i thought : it ', s about these two cops . and they ', re buddies  sort of . they ', re at each other ', s throats a lot  but they really do like each other . and everyone else in their department hates them ', cause they ', re hot - shots . and they have some kind of diametric opposition in their relationship . and one day they ', re in the middle of cop business as usual when they get mixed up in this plot that involves a really sadistic bad guy with lots of henchmen who can never hit anything with the billions of rounds of ammo they are always carrying . and the bad guy is a drug lord . and there ', s a witness  and she ', s this sexy thing who rubs both of them the wrong way . and their supervisor wants their badges for breakfast when they blow up half the town bringing this guy down . i only missed the bit about the badges . the rest i got dead - on . and i hadn ', t even left the video store yet . the cops in this movie are will smith and martin lawrence  and the bad guy is the immensely underutilized tcheky karyo . smith plays a cop who has a trust fund and is thus not a cop for the money ; martin l . is a family man ( shades of the now - tired lethal weapon dynamic here ) whose wife and he are at total odds . this leads to some strained scenes about lawrence ', s " not getting any "  and some totally unneccesary bits with him skulking around his own house  thinking his partner is now his wife ', s " back door man " . not funny ; tiresome . bad boys gets some of its incredibly meager selling points from the presence of will smith and martin lawrence . will smith is a natural  and i ', m happy to see him in movies like six degrees . . . and men in black . he ', s funny and charming without trying to be ; he really does seem to be enjoying himself . martin lawrence is a different story ; he ', s so uptight and verbally constipated that sitting through his improvised riffs are a trial . movies like this are not about originality . i know this . they are about style and energy and synergy between actors . i know this  too . and yet  while watching bad boys  which its glamorous photography and impossibly exact stunt choreography  i felt fed up . i ', d seen con air  which despite being completely implausible  was still great fun  because it tried however feebly to put some new life into the mix . bad boys is a dry run -- and overlong  too  clocking in at just over two hours with a lot more by - play than i felt could be justified . i could write this movie . you could write this movie . many people have . many people will continue to write this movie  over and over again . other people will buy it from them  and make it  and we will pay money to see it . more the fools we all . in a terrifyingly prescient line from his book a scanner darkly  phil k . dick once mused that the mcdonaldburger ( as he called it ) would eventually eclipse money as the token of cultural and financial exchange . one day we will all just sit in our living rooms and sell the same burger back and forth to each other . the same could be said about this movie . i have the sinking feeling we ', re going to see it again . soon .
neg in the first death wish movie  mild - mannered new york architect paul kersey  played by charles bronson  was avenging the death of his wife . in the second  he was avenging his daughter . in the third  he instigated small war in order to avenge the old friend . fourth movie  on the other hand  begins with kersey doubting the point of his violent crusades and living the quiet life with his girlfriend karen  played by kay lenz . however  since this is death wish movie  we know that sooner or later something bad is going to happen to the people kersey cares for . this time karen ', s teenage daughter dies of a crack overdose and kersey is forced to return to his old vigilante ways . kersey ', s new targets  unlike the previous movies  aren ', t the ordinary street punks but rich  heavily armed and well - connected drug dealers . even such unstoppable killing machine like kersey needs some support  and it comes from the publisher nathan white ( john p . ryan )  determined to avenge the drug - related death of his own daughter . white ', s plan is to make kersey kill major players in two rival drug dealing organisations and thus instigate the war between them . the plan begins to take shape  but kersey ', s actions bring attention of two police detectives - reiner ( george dickerson ) and nozaki ( soon teck - oh ) . fourth ( and  unfortunately  not the final ) installment in the death wish series  will probably remembered as the typical movie of cannon group  production company responsible for some of the worst cinematic trash of the last decade . however  although some critics might argue  death wish 4 : the crackdown represents slight improvement over the death wish 3 . paul kersey  one of the most intriguing ( and potentially controversial ) characters of the 1970s  is still being dumbed down by mediocre script  and charles bronson really doesn ', t feel the need to put much effort in his acting . however  the hand of a veteran director j . lee thompson seems more capable of michael winner ', s and the action scenes seem slightly less surreal  although they still look cheap and repetitive and downright boring . there are some attempts for the movie to have a plot between the numerous scenes of violence  and one of such attempts is a potentially interesting plot twist at the end . the script even tries to fake some social conscience ( through criminally underused kay lenz ', s character ) and predates the war on drugs campaign that would inspire many hollywood products in next few years . there are even some half - hearted attempts of humour - both intentional and unintentional  like in a scene where kersey assassinates mob figures by a wine bottle - but the quality of this movie is still far away from bronson ', s 1970s classics . ( special note to x - philes : mith pilleggi  the actor who plays ad skinner in the x - files  could be seen in a small role of cannery lab foreman ) .
neg i ', ve never written a review for a movie i haven ', t watched all the way through  but i had to make an exception with powder . i was about forty - five minutes into this one at a friend ', s house when he and his brother got into a huge shouting match that would have ended in violence had we not left the house . so i never got to finish the movie and i ', m sure as hell not going to pay three more bucks to watch half of a bad movie . but i can at least get a partial review out of it  because i saw enough to know this one wasn ', t worth finishing in the first place . the movie centers around a freaky teenager who ', s spent his entire life living in the cellar of his grandparents ', house . when grandpa dies ( taking his department store down with him )  social worker mary steenburgen has to take powder ( first and middle names ? gold bond ) to a state home  where we find out he ', s a different from the other kids . actually  we find out he ', s different when we first see him  because he ', s the most pale individual we ', ve ever seen and moreover he has no body hair whatsoever . when powder is born in the opening minutes of the movie  the father takes one look at him and says " he ', s not my son . " obviously . all i want to know is where the pillsbury dough boy was nine months ago . so the white - faced freak leaves his neverland ranch for the state home and faces the ridicule of other kids . that is  until they try to haze him during his first cafeteria lunch by making him " wear " his spoon ( " you can either wear it on your nose or up your ass . " decisions  decisions . . . ) and he uses telepathic powers to draw all the silverware in the room into a giant pile in the middle of the table . so if his father is the pillsbury dough boy  his mother must be sissy spacek ', s carrie character . and you have to factor in two more things from the subsequent scenes  as we find out powder has some sort of super - intelligence ( " your i . q . test went straight off the chart ! " ) and attracts electrical power . this first shows up as powder visits the world of high school ( if he ', s such a genius already  why would he need a high school education ? ) and sits through a demonstration in jeff goldblum ', s science class . goldblum plugs in a " jacob ', s ladder " device that shows current running up two wires and immediately the current flows across the room and into powder ', s chest . but goldblum just stands there for about thirty seconds watching  instead of just unplugging the damn thing . i guess he was too busy contemplating why he was appearing in his third bad movie in a row ( following hideaway and nine months ) . that ', s about all i saw before the big fight began and  let me tell you  that was twice as interesting as the movie itself . but like i said  i saw enough to know this would be one of those terrible melodramas about the isolation of people who have superior abilities and how hard it is for those people to assimilate themselves into mainstream civilization . none of these movies ever handle the subject properly  instead introducing the feeble beauty and the beast copout of having a beautiful woman fall in love with the guy ', s personality  overlooking his personal appearance . i already had the female character picked out ( the girl who was sitting next to him in the back of the room during the electrocution scene )  but i guess i ', ll never know for sure what happened . from noraruth @ aol . com mon jun 10 15 : 04 : 03 edt 1996 article : 3654 of rec . arts . movies . reviews path : nntphub . cb . att . com ! not - for - mail from : noraruth @ aol . com ( andrew hicks ) newsgroups : rec . arts . movies . reviews  rec . arts . sf . reviews subject : review : powder ( 1995 ) followup - to : rec . arts . movies . current - films  rec . arts . sf . movies date : 10 jun 1996 18 : 16 : 03 gmt organization : university of missouri - columbia lines : 70 sender : ecl @ mtcts1 . att . com ( evelyn c . leeper ) approved : ecl @ mtcts1 . att . com message - id : " > reply - to : noraruth @ aol . com ( andrew hicks ) nntp - posting - host : mtcts2 . mt . lucent . com summary : r . a . m . r . # 05425 keywords : author = hicks originator : ecl @ mtcts2 xref : nntphub . cb . att . com rec . arts . movies . reviews : 3654 rec . arts . sf . reviews : 710 status : ro powder a film review by andrew hicks copyright 1996 andrew hicks / fatboy productions i ', ve never written a review for a movie i haven ', t watched all the way through  but i had to make an exception with powder . i was about forty - five minutes into this one at a friend ', s house when he and his brother got into a huge shouting match that would have ended in violence had we not left the house . so i never got to finish the movie and i ', m sure as hell not going to pay three more bucks to watch half of a bad movie . but i can at least get a partial review out of it  because i saw enough to know this one wasn ', t worth finishing in the first place . the movie centers around a freaky teenager who ', s spent his entire life living in the cellar of his grandparents ', house . when grandpa dies ( taking his department store down with him )  social worker mary steenburgen has to take powder ( first and middle names ? gold bond ) to a state home  where we find out he ', s a different from the other kids . actually  we find out he ', s different when we first see him  because he ', s the most pale individual we ', ve ever seen and moreover he has no body hair whatsoever . when powder is born in the opening minutes of the movie  the father takes one look at him and says " he ', s not my son . " obviously . all i want to know is where the pillsbury dough boy was nine months ago . so the white - faced freak leaves his neverland ranch for the state home and faces the ridicule of other kids . that is  until they try to haze him during his first cafeteria lunch by making him " wear " his spoon ( " you can either wear it on your nose or up your ass . " decisions  decisions . . . ) and he uses telepathic powers to draw all the silverware in the room into a giant pile in the middle of the table . so if his father is the pillsbury dough boy  his mother must be sissy spacek ', s carrie character . and you have to factor in two more things from the subsequent scenes  as we find out powder has some sort of super - intelligence ( " your i . q . test went straight off the chart ! " ) and attracts electrical power . this first shows up as powder visits the world of high school ( if he ', s such a genius already  why would he need a high school education ? ) and sits through a demonstration in jeff goldblum ', s science class . goldblum plugs in a " jacob ', s ladder " device that shows current running up two wires and immediately the current flows across the room and into powder ', s chest . but goldblum just stands there for about thirty seconds watching  instead of just unplugging the damn thing . i guess he was too busy contemplating why he was appearing in his third bad movie in a row ( following hideaway and nine months ) . that ', s about all i saw before the big fight began and  let me tell you  that was twice as interesting as the movie itself . but like i said  i saw enough to know this would be one of those terrible melodramas about the isolation of people who have superior abilities and how hard it is for those people to assimilate themselves into mainstream civilization . none of these movies ever handle the subject properly  instead introducing the feeble beauty and the beast copout of having a beautiful woman fall in love with the guy ', s personality  overlooking his personal appearance . i already had the female character picked out ( the girl who was sitting next to him in the back of the room during the electrocution scene )  but i guess i ', ll never know for sure what happened .
neg this is the movie that could single - handedly bring " mystery science theater 3000 " out of cancellation . it ', s one of those movies that ', s so bad it ', s absolutely hilarious  due in no small part to its big star  supermodel cindy crawford . if you only remember one thing about fair game  it should be that it singlehandedly proves crawford should stick to the sports illustrated swimsuit issues . if you thought kathy ireland was laughable in alien from l . a .  you ', ll change your mind when you see fair game . ireland would win handfuls of oscars if this was her only competition . in a real casting coup  crawford plays a super - intelligent lawyer ( in a jogging bra  of course ) . we all know this is a stretch  the only legal opinion crawford has ever put forth being that she favors the death penalty for anyone who wears white after labor day . nonetheless  someone out there thought she ', d make a good lawyer  but we ', re reminded of her true function in the movie when she takes two showers in a period of twenty minutes . and for you horny teenage boys out there  you actually get to see her topless for two seconds in the dark . . . come to think of it  that may have been a body double . cindy crawford isn ', t black  is she ? like i said  crawford is a lawyer with a bunch of russians after her . billy baldwin ( or is it stephen ? alec ? adam ? kim basinger ? ) is the police detective who has to save her life  time after time  chase after chase  explosion after explosion . there ', s absolutely nothing original about this movie . it ', s every cop show of the 70 ', s mixed with every action thriller of the 80 ', s and every technology - exploitation movie of the 90 ', s . three decades of crap all in one place  driven further into the ground by crawford ', s complete lack of acting talent . and it ', s all completely predictable . you know the mistakes baldwin and crawford are going to make before they make them  you know when the " sexual tension " will finally end up in them consummating the relationship  you know when the villains will capture crawford so baldwin has to rescue her in the climax and you know the movie ', s going to suck from the first scene . the plot isn ', t really explained until the end . all we know is these russians have every detail about crawford in their computer . in the words of one of the villains  " we even know what size pantyhose she wears . " ( yeah  you and every 14 - year - old boy in america . ) he goes on to add  " we know more about her than she does . " ( _that_ i find very easy to believe . ) i hope you enjoyed those two sample dialogue quotes  because i wrote down plenty of other bad ones ( " if it weren ', t for me  you ', d still be pulling bananas out of your ass in cuba ! " ) because  you see  fair game is not only a showcase for recycled action cliches and terrible acting  but also some seriously bad dialogue . it all adds up to a really terrible movie that made me laugh in plenty of places i wasn ', t supposed to and grimace in places i was supposed to laugh . one more thing fair game has against it is some awful comic relief . would you laugh at a scene where crawford tortures a computer nerd with double entendres like " i ', m very interested in _hard_ware " and other crap about playing with his joystick ? i wouldn ', t  but not because i ', m a computer nerd . it ', s just not funny . crawford ', s only contribution to the information age are a few gif files floating around with her head on a nude traci lords ', body . . . or was it jack lord ', s body ? i ', ll leave you with the final line of dialogue in the movie . the boat with all the russians has just blown up and baldwin and crawford are floating on a life raft . crawford says woodenly  " that was my client ', s boat you just blew up . i ', m filing a lawsuit against you . you ', re in big trouble  " or something to that effect  and baldwin replies smugly  " what do i have to do to get out of it ? " they of course begin making out and the credits roll . i ', m not going to talk about how stupid the line is or how  if they ', d really wanted to go for a bad closing line they would have had baldwin say  " you think i could settle out of court ? " but i will tell you that  if anyone ever suggests you watch fair game with him or her  you quote the final line of the movie to that person : " what do i have to do to get out of it ? " serving america for over 1 / 50th of a century !
neg attention moviegoers : you are about to enter a meaning - free zone . should the sound system malfunction during your viewing of 200 cigarettes  do not panic . the film will work just as well as a silent movie . chronicling the meaningless lives of vain  yuppie types  the movie covers the same ground as the wilt stillman films ( last days of disco  barcelona and metropolitan ) but without any of his acerbic wit and the inviting style of his writing . first - time writer shana larsen makes the mistake of creating a couple of dozen characters and not giving any of them any depth . there isn ', t one of these characters worth caring about . the movie features such a cornucopia of hot young stars that it looks like a celluloid version of " people magazine . " among others  the movie features : ben affleck  casey affleck  david chappelle  janeane garofalo  gaby hoffmann  catherine kellner  courtney love  jay mohr  martha plimpton  christina ricci and paul rudd . and unlike people magazine  the people speak  not that they have anything interesting to say . it ', s new year ', s eve in 1981  and monica ( martha plimpton ) is preparing her big party . structured as a series of relatively unrelated stories about her guests on the way to the party  director risa bramon garcia flits back and forth among her stars . monica ', s apartment is in " noho  " an area that one of the guests describes as " so cool  all of the poor people live there . " typical of the shallow couples in the movie are kevin ( paul rudd ) and his friend and would - be sexual partner lucy ( courtney love ) . they argue about whether lucy is a slut or not since she sleeps with everyone  except him  of course . she dares him to go immediately to a bathroom stall and have sex with her  which turns out to be neither erotic  funny or successful -- rather like the rest of the story . the movie gets its title from the carton of cigarettes that lucy gives kevin for his new year ', s eve birthday . " cigarettes are a shield against emotional interaction with other people  " kevin later tells lucy in a snippet of dialog that sounds profound only outside the context of the movie . another character  played by jay mohr  has a problem with his sexual triumphs . every woman he beds falls deeply in love with him by the next morning . when his latest conquest tells him of her affection for him  his response is " i like a lot of people . " as the movie finally draws to a close  the characters awaken from their post - party game of musical beds . some have passed out early from alcohol abuse and remember little  while others actually have some clue as to what happened . the movie itself is so forgettable that by the time you reach your car in the parking lot  all trace of the film will have vanished from your mind  which is probably the best thing that can be said about the movie . 200 cigarettes runs 1 : 40 . it is rated r for profanity  sex and one dope smoking scene and would be acceptable for older teenagers .
neg i have nothing against unabashedly romantic films . when done right  with at least slightly evident restraint  they can be engaging  sweeping  appealing . but it ', s a hell of a shame when someone botches it as badly as nora ephron botched sleepless in seattle  a hollow  boring romance that should appeal only to the most gullible of viewers ; the ones willing to buy into ephron ', s whiny views of life and romance . tom hanks and meg ryan  two of hollywood ', s most likeable stars play sam baldwin and annie reed  repectively . baldwin ', s wife recently died and he moved to seattle with his son  jonah  seeking to get away from the familiar surroundings which remind him of his late spouse . jonah senses tension and calls a talk radio show to tell the world about their problems . sam seems ready to strangle his son for calling the show  but when he gets on the phone he begins pouring his heart out . ephron has him do this so that annie reed ( meg ryan ) can hear it . annie is a happy woman . she is engaged to walter  an allergy - prone working man and seems to be perfectly content . but after hearing sam the widower on the radio show  she becomes convinced that he is her destiny and is willing to risk her engagement for it . five years after this movie hit theaters  hanks  ryan and ephron would team up again in the far better  although still sub - par romantic comedy you ', ve got mail  which is about people who hate each other in real life falling in love on the internet . at least that movie had a sense of spontaneity . here it seems that the first one hundred minutes exist solely to set up for the last five . the fact that sam and annie will finally meet is so excruciatingly obvious that everything else is perfunctory . sleepless in seattle is full of wonderful performers ; from its two leads to supporting stars like bill pullman and rosie o ', donnell . but none of them can save the film from being a bore . its characters are dull and empty  its script isn ', t funny or particularly charming . the script has a fundamental problem : annie gives up  for little reason  her life with walter to pursue " sleepless in seattle  " whom she has never even seen . it ', s the kind of life decision that real people don ', t make  and its a major  unforgivable plausibility sacrifice . in essence  this movie ', s purpose is to head towards a goal that shouldn ', t even exist . it ', s a ten minute short film with ninety - five minutes of filler . if you were to show me sleepless in seattle and i didn ', t have to review it  you could just call me " asleep in philadelphia . " ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
neg if you ', ve seen the trailers or commercials  it ', s rather difficult to really figure out what this movie has in store . well  it ', s hard to tell after watching the movie as well . bruce willis is a resident of the future  and it is a rather bleak future . the world ', s population had disintigrated into a mere 200  000 and is no longer ruled by humans but animals . the reason ? in 1995  an organization called the army of the 12 monkeys contaminated the world with a pure virus  thus wiping out practically the world ', s population in a mere month . bruce willis ', character is one of the surviving few  but is enslaved by scientists  as are most of last living humans . they barter his freedom by sending him on an assignment and having him do the ultimate task : go into the past  find the leader of the army of the 12 monkeys  and kill him . well  this explanation didn ', t come easy . although the movie is very thought provoking of us as a people  our future and the evilo in the world  as a story it is very confusing . and dragging . i know a movie isn "''", t keeping my interest when i fidget in my seat or feel the need to look at my watch only to find that it ', s only been an hour passed . terry gilliam has a certain style that i realize many appreciate  and i haven ', t watched his previous work brazil  but this movie felt like it took too long to tell and yet when one realizes the end is near because it is very easy to figure out  you wish it were more complex  and not to mention that the movie is depressing is the only reason why it did invoke emotion from me .
neg house on haunted hill ( 1999 ) starring taye diggs  geoffrey rush  ali larter  famke janssen  peter gallagher  bridgette wilson  max perlich  lisa loeb  james marsters  and chris kattan . directed by william malone  written by dick beebe  " house on haunted hill " initializes itself to the audience with a scene involving zombie - like mental patients attacking and murdering doctors in the goriest ways possible . one doctor is killed instantly after having a pencil rammed completely through his neck . a nurse has her head forced into a barrel of water . these mobs of zombies presented are like those in previous b - horror flicks  with grunting noises and cadaverous movements . except this time  at the end of the millenium  the film is given the power to show exactly how horrific these creatures can be . in past horror films  the actual murder scenes are left out or not shown forcing the viewer to assume their own nasty bloody deaths for the hapless victims . " house on haunted hill " doesn ', t want their audience to have an imagination  everything is provided for them to watch and squirm  not think . this nonsense violence thrown out of nowhere is unfortunately the most refreshing part about this film . " house on haunted hill "  which is based on the 1958 film of the same title  introduces a handful of characters as quickly as it can  following the opening blood fest . the film has no intention of providing character development or a laudable plot . the aim here is to scare the audience with chilling  unexpected shots of blood  guts  and mayhem . however  the film is neither scary nor unpredictable . the plot involves five people who are dared to spend the night in a haunted house for one million dollars by an amusement park owner ( geoffrey rush ) . each character is a failure in the external world and acknowledges that they would do anything for that money . since the characters are immediately generalized as either greedy or caring  the expectations of who will survive or not is killed five minutes after you meet them . the problem is that every character is not likable . the two who come closest to being civilized are a womanizer ( taye diggs - who should be doing films a lot better than this with all of his talent ) and a businesswoman who accepts being womanized ( ali larter ) . the characters presented are so annoying and pathetic  that it is hard to cheer for them or scream them . the worst character in this film  or maybe in any film released this year  is chris kattan ', s watson pritchett . he spends the whole film whining about the spooky house in a tone so irritating and inappropriate  that he unintentionally begins to seem more evil than the house itself . waiting for pritchett to die  was a strenuously difficult act to sit through . the most humorous actor of the bunch is geoffrey rush playing steven price ( an homage to victor price who starred in the original ) . playing the rich man who supposedly organized the party  he plays the role perfectly in a twisted way where it is obvious that he is up to something just by the expressions on his face . however  rush is pretty much wasted in a confusing subplot involving a hateful marriage with evelyn price  played by famke janssen . the main problem is that " house on haunted hill " is not scary . to top off that huge disappointment  every actor was wasted and the script was completely ludicrous . if the annoying characters and hilariously bad dialogue were intentionally underdeveloped ( similar to " deep blue sea " )  the goal for creating a creepy  suspenseful action film was completely missed .
neg fit for a ghoul ', s night out  fat girl stands cast iron firm with the simplistic  fatuous  built - in excuse that its woman director is baring the harsh sexual realities of adolescent girls . being a boy  i might not understand female behavior and am unequipped to analyze this particular pseudo - feminist coming - of - age story . fair enough . i ', ll pretend to ignore the mannered posturing and health class 101 " this is a no - no " dialogue when older teenage boy coaxes younger teenage girl to let him fuck her up the ass  speaking variations on " it won ', t hurt ! " for a scene that seems to last at least ten minutes . this is done almost entirely in an unbroken master shot that suggests unimaginative camerawork more than unblinking voyeurism . they dare you to look away  without possessing the courage of allowing the children to actually sound like children ( they ', re mouthpieces for writer - director catherine breillat ', s one - note clinical politics ) . rather than show an even - handed evaluation of the rigors of hormonal change  breillat ( previously responsible for the unwatchable romance ) wants to indulge in her hour of hate . life is pain  highness . get used to it . she ', d find keen bedfellows in neil labute and todd solondz  other sultans of misanthropy who lack the balls to be earnest or honest . for children  dealing with trauma and pain is complicated . to bury that in sarcasm and academic theory feels cheap . these would - be auteurs ( more like hauteurs ) haven ', t earned the right to display suffering because they don ', t layer it in emotional truth ( as mike leigh does throughout naked and david lynch in several key scenes of blue velvet ) . of course  there i go again comparing her to all these ( better ) male directors . i don ', t care . gender be damned  she ', s borderline inept . braced for a knee - jerk reaction from the art house crowd ( mortified shock or compulsory applause will suffice )  writer - director catherine breillat may well accomplish her mission to get a rise out of people . don ', t be fooled . this grotesque oversimplification of awkward forays into passion may be quickly forgotten  remembered only as cold  boring  philosophically arid  and incompetently photographed . the hyperviolent climactic sequence proves so extraordinarily misguided that i honestly wondered whether breillat had thrown in an impromptu dream sequence . twelve years old  a bundle of dough with a sour pout  the superb ana ? s reboux plays the titular fat girl with a thousand yard stare and a frumpy insouciance . ( her character is also named ana ? s . ) sitting at the table morosely slurping down a banana split  her presence is grounded and heartbreaking . it ', s a pity breillat never finds anything for her to do other than get defensive against her evil storybook sister  15 - year old elena ( roxane mesquida )  for bringing a transitory boyfriend home to their shared room . in this summer cottage  ana ? s has no escape from her position as stoic bedside observer to elena ', s depressing confusion of cheap sex with romance . the boy in question  a smug italian college kid named fernando ( libero de rienzo ) is a real piece of work  claiming that the experience is a declaration of love while begging for a blowjob . ana ? s doesn ', t receive any warmth from her largely absent parents  who join elena in making fun of her hefty girth . she finds pleasure in wandering the beach alone  singing songs to herself  and swimming in the pool kissing the metal railing and pretending that it ', s her paramour . reboux commands the screen  but there ', s only so much a child actress can do recounting pretentious monologues to herself . if one is inspired to rescue this young performer and place her in a better movie  at least she fares better than the other young talent asked to perform in intense love scenes that might feel justified if they weren ', t so dramatically misguided . this 83 - minute vignette is something of a horror show  but breillat saves her nastiest poison for the very end . on the long ride home punctuated by an uncomfortable silence between family members  gigantic trucks swerve by as the hour grows late . will mommy fall asleep at the wheel ? perhaps . or maybe there ', s something deadlier around the corner  lying in wait to pounce upon the unsuspecting fat girl . what ', s more  she might even like it . with the intent of being unfair and unpredictable  placing her heroine in the most diabolical of corners in order to face up to impending adulthood  breillat ', s extreme flourish of sadistic tawdriness reveals her as a master purveyor of contempt . fat girl is a bitter pill indeed . aka ? ma soeur ! screened at the 2001 new york film festival ( feature coming soon ) .
neg " marie couldn ', t talk  " paulie  the parrot star of his own movie  tells us about the daughter in his original family . " dad couldn ', t listen . and mom couldn ', t cope  so they got rid of me . " paulie  the autobiography of a talking  not merely a mimicking  parrot  has jay mohr in the lead role of the bird - the voice  not the body - and as the minor character of benny  a small - time crook who uses paulie to pull off small scams like stealing twenties from atms . as the parrot  mohr is delightful when director john roberts allows him to cut up . benny  on the other hand  is a character you ', ve seen a thousand times before  and mohr brings nothing new to that role . roberts ', s deliberately slow pacing of laurie craig ', s script lends a subtle sweetness to its humor but creates some definite problems . when a kids ', movie wants to mosey along  watch out . if the material is not crisp and perfectly composed  beauty can sometimes dissolve into tedium . so it is with paulie . when they let their bird do his stand - up comedy routines  the show hums and the audience roars . too often  however  a sleepy silence ensues among the viewers as they wait for the story to pickup again . tony shalhoub  the smart - mouthed chef from big night  plays misha  a recent russian immigrant to the u . s . he had been a teacher of literature at home  but now he makes his living as a janitor in the animal research lab to which paulie has been taken for study . although misha gets a few nice lines ( " i ', m russian . i like long stories . " )  his somber part seems designed only to elicit our sympathy . besides paulie  the only character worth noting - other than 2 cute small parts played by cheech marin and gina rowlands - is the speech - impaired marie  played in a precious performance by cinematic newcomer  5 - year - old hallie kate eisenberg . naturally enchanting  she gives the picture genuine heart . the bad news is that her part is confined to the first half . the best scenes have the bird dancing and strutting to show off his comedic skills . when marie ', s family gets a cat  for example  the bird  who hasn ', t wanted to learn how to fly until then  takes an instant interest in soaring . tricking the cat while insulting him at the same time  paulie calls him a stupid hairball . their rapid physical antics add to the humor of the situation . it ', s good quality sitcom material but performed by animals . when one of the humans without much of a voice begins to sing  paulie cringes . " i ', m a bird  " he explains with his frequently subtle humor . " i have a small brain  and it ', s about to explode . " the movie contains rich doses of john debney ', s dreamy music . with heavy use of a solo violin  he keeps reinforcing the film ', s heart - warming themes . and when paulie finally takes off in flight  the orchestra comes up loud and strong with cymbals clashing . " it ', s a long story  " says paulie . " it ', s the only kind he knows  " reflects misha . and the motion picture  which runs the standard length for a kids ', movie  still feels too long . the best parts are enthralling  but then there are all of those dead spots in - between . paulie is a movie that never quite lives up to its promise but manages to charm nevertheless . paulie runs 1 : 32 . it is raged pg for a few mild profanities and would be fine for all ages . my son  jeffrey  age 9  gave the movie * * with his biggest complaint being that there wasn ', t enough action . he thought paulie was funny  and the actress that played marie was quite good . his friend sam  almost 9  thought the movie was " awesome  excellent  " and gave it * * * * . he thought paulie was good  but he didn ', t believe the way marie ', s speech impediment was acted .
neg well  here ', s a distasteful  thoroughly amateurish item that  surprisingly  was actually a box - office hit at the time of its release . after just viewing the film for the first time  my primary question is how did anyone with an iq north of 35 enjoy this movie ? it is cheap  idiotic  unfunny  and not nearly as raunchy as i had heard it was . at least some smut would have livened things up a bit . " porky ', s  " tells the story ( if you can call it that ) of four clueless high school buddies  pee wee ( dan monahan )  billy ( mark herrier )  tommy ( wyatt knight )  and mickey ( roger wilson )  whom desperately want to get laid . women  for the most part  are a mystery to them ( and in this movie  they are to the audience  as well  since all of them are written and acted as if they are aliens from a different planet ) . their plan is sidetracked  however  when they venture out to a smarmy strip bar named porky ', s  which they are able to get into using fake id ', s . after they pay the manager one - hundred bucks for three hookers  they are played a trick on and find themselves being dumped into the swamp below the building . for these four teenage guys  this means war on porky ', s . " porky ', s  " ultimately manages to fail on almost every possible level . as a teenage sex - romp  it is not wild or amusing enough . as a comedy  all of the jokes are predictable and fall flat . as a look back at the 1950 ', s  it is something  i suspect  most people from that era would want to bury deep in a grave . and as a revenge movie  it is a crushing bore . one of the most offensive things about  " porky ', s  " is how jaw - droppingly inaccurate the film is about teenagers . the four main characters are not even attempted to be developed as characters  and we learn very little about them  except that they are horny and would probably feel more comfortable in a preschool . that sure is revealing information . the female characters fare even worse under the inaudacious screenplay and direction by bob clark . the women are all treated as objects or comedy props  rather than real people . for example  the two gym teachers  mrs . balbricker ( nancy parsons ) and honeywell ( kim cattrall )  only have one purpose  and that is to be made fun of . mrs . balbricker is a gruff  no - holds - barred  overwight woman who will not stand for any foolishness  and  in one particularly embarrassing scene for all involved  honeywell has sex with a coach and barks like a dog . there is no way to tell if parsons or cattrall are servicable actresses ( even though i have the suspicion they are not )  but one thing is for sure : they are asked to do things in this film that are not at all funny  only humiliating . to prove how out - of - touch this so - called comedy is  compare it to other more serious 80 ', s films about teenagers  and it looks even worse in comaprison . any of the john hughes pictures  such as 1984 ', s " sixteen candles  " or  1985 ', s " the breakfast club  " put  " porky ', s  " at an even greater shame . those films actually dealt with serious teen matters  but remained a great deal funnier  thanks to their bright and truthful writing . and heck  if  " porky ', s  " wanted to be a teenage sex movie  i ', d take 1982 ', s " fast times at ridgemont high  " or 1982 ', s " the last american virgin  " over this any day of the week . director bob clark is not a bad director . two years after he made  " porky ', s  " he directed the nostalgic holiday classic  " a christmas story . " i would forgive him for this misfire  in fact  if it wasn ', t for the fact that he also wrote the screenplay . just the thought that someone would actually sit down to write such a piece of garbage  and think that it was actually a film worth releasing unto the unsuspecting world  is actually a whole lot funnier than anything in  " porky ', s . "
neg okay  i just don ', t know why  but i seem to be getting this diversion to disney - made real - life actors movies . . . as well as real - life acting tim allen movies . i couldn ', t even make it through " the santa clause  " so why did i even see this ? ( just to make an idle point  i did like " toy story  " but that was good ) also  i have this aversion to bad french farces  and if they remake them into american films . well  this is my excuse : it was prom night  i ', m not a prom person  my best friend and i impulsively went to the drive - ins where they were playing " grosse pointe blank " - wouldn ', t mind seeing it again - but i had to suffer through this first . i agreed to go . ugh . in all fairness  i can say that at least this inane plot wasn ', t dreamed by an american . it was originally a french film released in america under the pseudonym of " little indian  big city " ( french title - " un indien dans la ville " ) . i stayed away from it like it was limburgher  and according to roger ebert  that was a good idea . but i can only imagine how bad that must be if this is an improvement . the stupid plot concerns a father who just learns he has a son from his current marriage . let me clarify : his wife ( jobeth williams ) left him years ago  and i mean years - around 13 or so - and went to an island in the carribean or something . he goes to her to finally get the divorce papers signed so he can remarry this . . . thing ( played with an emphasis on over - done by lolita davidovitch  who is usually good ) . she tells him he has a son as his boatman goes off . he meets him  he has a weird name ( mimi seku  i think . . . or as the bad joke goes - " mitsubishi " - laugh track cue )  he knows english  they fish  more bad jokes  pirhanna joke  the kid has a pet spider  he makes a promise to take him to the statue of liberty . . . you know the drill . now this is where the plot complicates ( well  complicates for this one  at least ) : the fish - out - of - water joke switches from tim allen on an island to his island son in new york city . tim is a stock broker and his coffee profits are plunging because his laptop died and he wasn ', t able to communicate with his assistant or whatever he is - martin short . a russian mob is tossed into the plot somewhere ( how come in every hokey french import  there is a mob ? ! ) tim learns a lesson of life from his son and we discover that cellular phones can operate on an island even though there are no sockets to recharge the batteries . the story is crap  the jokes are hokey and not really funny  and the actors have to struggle to make it interesting . but the material is so fowl that even a rewrite by quentin tarantino couldn ', t help it . the whole time  i kept thinking that a grown person had to think this up and several more grown people had to do this . at the end of filming  did they all scream out  " we ', ve made a great movie  guys ! " i sure hope not . big question to get from this film : why would someone want to remake what was billed as one of the worst films of all time if they ', re just going to do it the exact same way ? huh ? my ( for some of the actors ', names and a joke or two that made me chuckle  i guess . . . okay  so i really feel bad for it  so i only gave it one star )
neg " the beach " is a structurally confusing film that i can only describe has having multiple personality disorder . every forty minutes of this two - hour film begins with a new theme  virtually discarding what has been set up in the preceding act . it starts off purposefully as a film about an innocent man seeking new thrills in a dangerous environment . but then in the second act  the mood of the film abruptly changes and it becomes a story about a love triangle on an idyllic island paradise that evokes visions of " blue lagoon " . forty minutes later  the mood changes once more  and it becomes a dumbed down version of " lord of the flies " where an isolated community is discovered  where their moral code touts maintaining a sense of bliss at all costs . by the time it ', s over  you can only scratch your head and wonder what this film was really meant to be about . the main character of " the beach " is angst - ridden richard ( leonardo dicaprio ) . he travels to the netherworld of bangkok where back alley merchants push their wares upon unsuspecting tourists and scantily clad women brazenly ask if you ', re looking for a good time . richard ', s voice - over tells the audience that he has come to this place because he is bored with his life and feels that one way to reinvigorate himself is to let go of the familiar and to enter into a world of the unknown . this seedy environment is just what richard is looking for . he checks into a fleabag hotel where he meets the crazed daffy ( robert carlisle ) . he seems like a raving lunatic  obviously high from heavy drug use and looking as if he is afflicted with some sort of psychosis . though his jagged behavior would distress most of us  richard listens to him as he speaks of a mysterious island that contains the most perfect beach that anyone has ever seen . moreover  the island itself flourishes with enough hemp plants that can make a small city high for life . captivated by the idea  he asks two other hotel guests to join him on his journey . they are worldly etienne and the alluring francoise  who have also come to thailand for reasons similar to richard ', s . once they finally arrive at this paradise  however  the mood of the story shifts to richard ', s growing desire for francoise . this particular plot point is weak at best because there is absolutely no question in my mind that francoise will wind up with richard . etienne is about as exciting as fluffy  white sand . it ', s odd that etienne never sees this coming  but paradise has a way of hiding potential threats just out of view . and once the three stumble across the hidden community ( mood shift imminent )  more events transpire that depict its hidden dangers . for example  there are marijuana fields close by patrolled by armed guards . and the lagoon in which they swim invites the occasional shark . there are several ideas that are introduced in " the beach " and each one could merit its own feature - length film . there ', s the man vs . nature angle  the love triangle angle  and the utopia - gone - awry angle . but the film meanders so tremendously that its entire purpose becomes blurred . dicaprio  as a result  has an almost impossible time of trying to embody the different states of mind that he and the film goes through . consequently  the audience has an equally difficult time trying to keep up .
neg the most absurd remake of 1998 ? it ', s a toss up between gus van sant ', s psycho and mighty joe young  the new disney picture based on the old rko picture . ( i knew i was in trouble when a polished  computer - generated version of that famous rko logo appeared before the head credits . ) there is no great demand for another giant ape movie - make that ape movie  period . ( witness the quick deaths of buddy  born to be wild and congo . ) and while this latest entry is inoffensive and watchable  it ', s also an assembly line product through and through  lacking the charm and unpredictability of the jungle serials that partly inspired it . theron is jill young : as a young girl in the wilds of africa  she befriended a baby gorilla after both their mothers were slain by poachers . that baby gorilla ( nicknamed joe ) grows to immense proportions  and adult jill basically bides her time looking after him  playing hide and seek with him and guarding him against poachers . enter conservationist greg ( paxton )  who convinces jill to move with joe to california  where they can protect him better in a controlled environment . joe is restless at first ; no sooner does he finally settle in to the new place than those nasty poachers show up in l . a .  plotting joe ', s demise . suffice it to say  the movie could have been called " joe : ape in the city . " theron ( so good in devil ', s advocate ) and paxton ( so good in the recent a simple plan ) are fine actors  but not fine enough to transcend the material  a paint - by - numbers script from the hack writers of superman iv and mercury rising . the plot arguably borrows more from steven spielberg ', s the lost world than the 1949 original  with the computer - generated t - rex - i mean  joe - wreaking havoc on the busy streets for an encore ; the storytelling becomes especially lazy during this final third  with jill shouting  " look  joe ', s headed for the movie theatre ! " followed by a shot of joe scaling mann ', s chinese theater ; a moment later  jill shouts again something like " look  joe ', s headed for an amusement park ! " and what do you know  there ', s joe at the pallisades carnival  scaring the bejesus out of innocent thrillseekers . the seams of last - minute edits to mighty joe young show - unrelated scenes are patched together with quick dissolves . the movie sure feels uneven  regardless : act two is underdeveloped  while a little of joe smashing cars in act three goes a long  long way . underwood ( tremors  speechless ) was perhaps not the director for the job ; even the plentiful  untamed landscape looks dull in his hands . ( capturing the beauty of nature requires more than his point and shoot style . ) i did enjoy certain sequences  especially the demoliton of a black - tie dinner sequence ; and the prologue  however implausible  is touching . ( as a tyke  joe acts just like e . t . ) rick baker ', s make - up effects and puppetry are outstanding  the real star of the show - yet  for all its technical flawlessness  the creature remains too grumpy and homicidal to love . ( his facial expressions are variations on a scowl . ) to be fair  i saw mighty joe young in a cinema packed with wailing children - it ', s a wonder i was able to decipher the dialogue . it ', s certainly not a film for very young kids - intense fighting scenes may scare them  while any time joe ', s not on camera may bore them to tears . ( note : older boys are more likely to be dazzled by theron ', s colourful array of tank tops . ) i suspect bland mighty joe young is passable entertainment for a family outing  but they sure don ', t make ? em like they used to .
neg in 1990  the surprise success an unheralded little movie called ghost instantly rescued the moribund careers of its trio of above - the - title stars  patrick swayze  demi moore  and whoopi goldberg . eight years later  moore and goldberg ', s careers aren ', t exactly thriving  but they have had their share of screen successes since ; the same can ', t be said of swayze  who has just added yet another turkey to his resume with the aptly named black dog . forget the mortal kombat movies -- this trucksploitation flick is the closest the movies has come to video games . good truck driver jack crews ( swayze ) must drive a cargo of illegal firearms from atlanta to new jersey . along the way  jack and his crew of three run into a number of obstacles -- such as a highway weigh station  evil truckers  and deadly uzi - firing motorcyclists . every so often  like at the end of a video game " level " or " stage  " the main baddie pops up : red ( meat loaf  fresh from the triumph of spice world )  who wants to steal the cache of guns . just in case you forget his name or have trouble keeping track of who ', s driving what  all of red ', s vehicles  be it a pickup or a big rig  are painted -- you guessed it -- red . i could go into more of the plot specifics ( such as jack ', s dream of having a nice home with his family  the past trauma that sent him to prison and cost him his trucking license  the fbi / atf crew tracking the cargo )  but they are of little importance . all that matters to director kevin hooks and writers william mickelberry and dan vining are the obstacles jack confronts in his drive from point a to point b . but they fail at even this modest goal  for none of the highway chaos  as credibly staged as it is  is terribly interesting  let alone exciting . once you ', ve seen a couple of trucks bang against each other or a big rig explode the first time  you ', ve seen it every time . as dreary as black dog is as an entertainment  the saddest part about the film has nothing to do with what shows up onscreen ; it ', s that swayze has to reduce himself to such work . while far from the best of actors  he is certainly not horrible  and he is a charismatic presence . i don ', t know if it ', s his judgment or the dearth of quality job offers that leads him to involve himself with bombs such as black dog . regardless  if he continues on this career track  could a tv series be far behind ?
neg these days  we are witnessing the deluge of films based on old  cult tv shows . most of the times  the fans of these shows shudder thinking what could hollywood hacks of the present do with the memories of their past . but  some five or six years ago  there weren ', t that many movies and the trend didn ', t look that depressing . so  the people who  like the author of this review  grew up watching flintstones  popular 1960s animated series about " modern stone age " family  weren ', t particularly worried when the word came about live action remake . after all  the producer behind the project was steven spielberg and  if anything else  at least the special effects would be good . the plot revolves about flintstones  family set in fictious stone age " town " of bedrock  whose members enjoy the lifestyle of 1950s middle class america . fred flinstone ( john goodman ) works in the quarry  and one day he helps his best friend and neighbour barney rubble ( rick moranis ) and his wife betty ( rosie o ', donnell ) to adopt a baby . to return the favour  barney switches his results of aptitude test with fred  and  based on that  fred gets well - paid job in management . but  of course  this is just a sham - corrupt official cliff vandercave ( kyle maclachlan ) and his sultry secretary sharon stone ( halle berry ) need a scapegoat for their embezzlement scheme . in the meantime  fred ', s wife wilma ( elizabeth perkins ) must face her mother ( elizabeth taylor ) who can ', t stand fred . on the superficial level  the flintstones did the excellent job in bringing the animated series to life . computer effects are flawless  and the costumes  settings and other details are authentic for all the fans of the show . unfortunately  problems with this film start with inadequate casting - rick moranis is too thin for the role of barney  while the cartoon betty used to be much skinnier than rosie o ', donnell . but the greatest problem of all is plot  or to be precise  the lack of plot . some thirty six screenwriters made sure that the plot of the film is lame  original characters one - dimensional  and many elements of the story  like embezzlement and inter - office politics  totally incomprehensible for the little children  the main targeted audience of this film . result is almost unwatchable mess  occasionally saved mostly by excellent acting ( elizabeth perkins was right on mark as wilma ) and one of the classic example of mortal hollywood disease known as " high concept " . after great hype  movie quickly sank into oblivion and the fans of the show returned to the animated version . all in all  film isn ', t that bad  but only the hard core fans and nostalgics can find more than guilty pleasure in it .
neg after 1993 ', s " falling down  " i hoped that joel schumacher would mature into a great director . since then he has offered us two so - so adaptations of john grisham novels ( " the client " and " a time to kill " ) and two batman movies that lowered the standards of that franchise . although these disappointments dampened my enthusiasm for schumacher ', s potential  the publicity for his latest release  " 8mm  " raised new hope . it promised to be something unusual . it wasn ', t . the plot goes like this : tom welles ( nicolas cage ) is a private eye who is hired by a wealthy woman  allegorically named mrs . christian ( myra carter )  to investigate an 8mm movie found among her late husband ', s belongings . the movie appears to be a snuff film in which a teenage girl is raped and murdered by a man in a leather mask ( who reminds me of bane in schumacher ', s " batman & robin " ) . because murders can be realistically simulated in movies  mrs . christian wants tom to discover if the girl is alive or dead . by combing through missing persons reports  tom finds the girl ', s name and tracks her to los angeles . with the aid of max california ( joaquin phoenix )  a video store clerk ( and another symbolic name )  tom wanders through the underworld of pornography in search of snuff . the plot bears an obvious resemblance to paul schrader ', s " hardcore  " in which a father goes deeper and deeper into the industries of porn and sex to find his missing daughter . both films are modeled on dante ', s " the inferno  " of course ; " 8mm " makes that connection overly obvious by casting max as virgil and having him constantly tell tom that they were heading toward a meeting with the devil . " hardcore " is a much more subtle and meaningful film . " 8mm " had a lot of promise . in its better moments it ', s an examination of violence as entertainment and of the beast within even a nice guy like tom . one moment of the first sort : when we first meet max he ', s reading truman capote ', s " in cold blood " underneath the cover of a porn novel . " in cold blood " was the father of the true - crime genre  which is the literary equivalent of snuff films . max promises that we will see examples of the second theme when he tells tom  " dance with the devil and the devil don ', t change ; the devil changes you . " tom does change - i ', ll let you discover the specifics for yourself - but not permanently . schumacher and screenwriter andrew kevin walker didn ', t have the guts to take tom so far down the dark tunnel that he couldn ', t come back . ( walker ', s " seven " did a much better job on that theme by refusing to compromise ) . cage tries hard to pull it off  but the script doesn ', t give him enough to work with . phoenix walks away with the movie - he ', s smart  charming  and funny . other cast members include " fargo " ', s peter stormare camping it up as porn auteur dino velvet and " the sopranos " ', s james gandolfini as a soulless porn merchant who pushes tom too far . in the last analysis  since " 8mm " falls short of its pretensions and its promise  its just another private eye story in the raymond chandler / ross macdonald tradition of having the detective uncover the depravity behind the glossy facade of wealth and privilege . however  unlike other predictable fare in the genre - last year ', s " twilight  " for example - " 8mm " is especially disappointing because it could have been much more than it is .
neg i think of i know what you did last summer as the movie that scream and scream 2 could have been . mind you  though  i mean this in the worst possible way . i know what you did last summer is a typical slasher flic without the smarts of the scream ', s . as a result  it ', s even worse than some of your better campy horror pictures ( see nightmare on elm street ) because it thinks it ', s about thirty times smarter than it is . based on a teen book of the same name and  disappointingly  adapted by scream scribe kevin williamson  i know what you did last summer begins with appropriately angsty modern rock music combined with some startling cinematography of a cliff along the ocean and an angsty sort sitting at the top . the appropriate mood being set ( this is angst - horror for the 90 ', s )  we cut over to the july 4th parade in a small north carolina town . from there  we see the blond  female protagonist  helen shivers ( woodenly played by sarah michelle geller )  getting crowned croaker queen as the blond male " hero  " barry cox ( woodenly played by ryan phillipe )  and matched brunette pair of protagonists  julie james and ray bronson ( woodenly played by party of five ', s jennifer love hewitt and freddie prinze jr .  respectively ) cheer her on . after getting drunk at a party  going to a beach to wittily discuss urban legend and indulge in some foreshadowing  and having some meaningful sex ( if you believe what the characters say )  the four run down some guy crossing the windy cliff road at night . his face is mangled so they can ', t tell who it is  and they come to the decision to dump him in the ocean so as to not ruin any of their future chances for success in the world . cut to one year later . the lives of our protagonists have gone from annoying to bad . main brunette female  the bright one of the bunch  has been plagued with guilt and almost failed out of college . blond female has forfeited her dreams of starring on guiding light  and now works at the family store in town . brunette male is a fisherman  living off the land . blond male has become a complete jerk and quarterback on some college football team . then  predictably  their past comes back to haunt them . it all begins with an irrational murder  followed by some taunting of protagonists by the mysterious killer  bad acting by a good actress ( anne heche )  an improbable plot  bad acting by the main bad actors  some more killing  concluding in a climactic scene  mostly climactic in the relief at the end of the movie . all the while  the actors and actresses spout off bad lines  and main brunette male does his best keanu reeves imitation . not that the movie was without pleasure . count the illogical plot twists and bad lines for some fun . mostly  though  note the costumes of main females and how trendily unattractive they make the otherwise eye - catching pair look .
neg " nothing more than a high budget masturbation fantasy " showgirls ( nc - 17 ) - contains graphic nudity  profanity  sexual situations and violence . some people  however  keep their clothes on . you do not watch porn films for their intellectual values  nor do you write reviews on them . that ', s why this review will be short . it seems that this film will end up in the porn section when it hits the video stores . there is no story  script  point or acting . only naked bodies  which is exactly the point . here is the so called plot : nomi  the 23 - year - old with a dark past as a hooker  has hitchhiked from somewhere back east to perform in a show where a dancer doesn ', t wear much more than a light coating of powder and a big  fake smile . no one is twisting nomi ', s arm . no one is holding her grandmother hostage . she wants to do this . and that is what she is doing till the end credits . so what ', s the problem then ? what ', s the point ? what ', s the film about ? is there anyone whose aspirations could inspire less sympathy ? this film can be described in one sentence : obscene level of incompetence  excessive stupidity in the story line  gross negligence of the viewer ', s intelligence  a prurient interest in the quick buck . believe me  after an hour with these characters  acting and script  you ', ll start hoping for someone to kill somebody . elizabeth berkley makes a laughable try as the heroine of this film  that is bad even for eszterhas ', script . her character is the only one that is at least half written and she could really have done better . her character denies the fact that she is a whore for the industry  selling her body to the hungry eyes of the horny public . " i am not a whore ! i am a dancer "  she screams  but does it in such an over dramatized way that you ', ll start laughing . in fact the acting in " showgirls " brings terrible to a new and previously unknown level . not one single achievement  besides the conventional cinematography  is worth mentioning . it is a total waste of time and money . there is not a single moment of what you might call intelligence . the dialogue is structured of ancient stereotypes and cliches lined up one after another . its attempt to even imagine to have half a brain results in a catastrophe . " in my films  " writes director paul verhoeven ( ', basic instinct ',  ', total recall ', )  " i hold the mirror up to life . " well  excuse me ? his attempt to go behind the scenes of las vegas  and as he put it " show the naked truth "  is simplified and unreal . occasionally  between his collection of mistakes and logical irrationalities  screenwriter joe eszterhas ( the creator of some of the worst screenplays in hollywood history ) inserts some lines of deep morality  that sound something like this : " hey  i see you . i see that you ', re hiding " - " from what ? " - " from you " . yes  and even the only decent line in this film : " nomi is what las vegas is all about " can ', t save ', showgirls ', from going under . it ', s a strange phenomena . it ', s not erotic  because it lacks sensuality . not dramatic  because it lacks the acting . and not intelligent because it lacks a story . it is simply verhoven ', s bad excuse for making pornography . you want to see naked women ? bare breasts ? full frontals ? it ', s nothing wrong with that . but in that case i suggest that you rent a porn film in your local video store  and not waste time surviving through eszterhas ', pathetic dialogue . b qualities  while it ', s only a high budget porn - film .
neg one of the 90s ', most unwelcome thriller trends returns from the grave : it ', s the " ___ from hell " movie ! starting in the early nineties  we were subjected to nearly every conceivable combination of relationships - from - hell ! there were boyfriends from hell  friendly neighborhood cops from hell  nannies from hell  and even secretaries from hell . but hush has found an old standby that somehow was forgotten in the rush : the mother - in - law from hell ! ! ! ! ! the mother - in - law in question is martha  played by jessica lange . she has been single - handedly running the family horse farm  kilronan . her son  jackson ( johnathon schaech ) and his girlfriend  helen ( gwyneth paltrow )  live in new york  and have no intention to move back down south to the rural kilronan . but those intentions are about to change . you see  martha lives by manipulation . she has used it in years past to breed many championship horses . now  she believes she can use it to breed herself a grandson . though at first  helen finds martha charming  soon she is caught in the domineering martha ', s web of deception . it ', s hard to understand why nobody ever wises up to martha ', schemes . as written  most of the characters in the film must be very slow witted . but then  the film even treats the audience like idiots . it tries to get away with things ( like leaving a critical piece of evidence in a rather unlikely place ) without even batting an eye . then again an audience which accepts characters as shallow as these isn ', t one that ', s likely to question details . jessica lange ', s martha is the only semi - developed character in the film  and she applies her talents to redeem it as much as she can . a character that could have been simply awful is merely groan - worthy . gwyneth paltrow doesn ', t have much to build upon  as helen ', s only character trait seems to be " daughter - in - law " . still  she fares better than johnathon schaech  whose character is so nonexistent  he ', s inexplicably missing for much of the film . still  there have been much worse " ____ from hell " films . even with its paper - thin characters and ludicrous setups  hush manages to create a few thrills in a color - by - numbers fashion . you know what ', s coming  but occasionally the film will deliver a shock or two . the old formulas are around for a reason  but that doesn ', t mean they taste fresh .
neg mugshot ( director / writer / cinematographer / editor : matt mahurin ; cast : belinda becker ( stella )  michael williams ( rumor )  robert knepper ( joe / chris )  robert walker ( random )  willie lassic ( young brother of rumor )  maxine joiner ( rumor ', s mother ) ; runtime : 87 ; mortal films ; 1995 ) reviewed by dennis schwartz a bleak indie film about a stolen identity . there ', s not much more to this visually stylish film than what meets the eye  as it relies on shock to tell its story of a prolonged vicious mugging . it falls into the category of being a pretentious art - house film  leaving a bitter taste in one ', s mouth as it stereotypes its characters and unintentionally further inflames the racial issues . it tries to make a heavy - handed point about disenfranchised black youths trapped by their environment  with their only way out being crime . but the story is so filled with violence and its nyc setting looks like hell  that it ', s hard to enjoy this film and to follow what the logic in the story is supposed to mean . the relationship between the black mugger and his white victim is a cloudy one  which the film never determines what it wants to say about it . matt mahurin is virtual one - man crew in putting this film together ( director / writer / cinematographer / editor )  who is a still photographer in his day job . the film works best as a visually challenging piece  as each shot looks like a photograph carefully telling the story unfolding . a white photographer ( robert knepper ) is mugged by a black gang while he ', s on a freelance assignment to take a photo shoot of harlem at night . he becomes a victim of amnesia and his head is bloodied as he ', s left in a deserted harlem building  as the gang leaves him for dead ; but  one of the muggers  rumor ( michael williams )  comes back and pretends to help him . he ', s a would - be photographer  who keeps a scrapbook entitled mugshots in the project apartment he shares with his mother and younger brother . keeping his victim in the dark about who he is by calling him joe and not telling him what ', s happening  he becomes the photographer for a few days . he enters the photographer ', s stylish greenwich village apartment and steals his expensive camera  and decides to hold the mugging vic for ransom when he finds out he has a black girlfriend  stella ( belinda becker ) . she ', s the only one in the film who could act . the film is stuck with a clumsy dialogue and an overuse of symbolism  as it ends with nothing more to tell after the shock and the violent situation it created except to beat it into the ground . it could only be commended for how appealing the film looks  as if it ', s a scrapbook of still photos put together to celebrate a mugging .
neg i can imagine how good krippendorf ', s tribe must have looked on paper . it does not surprise me in the least that a group of extremely talented actors  led by the great richard dreyfuss and a good director ( todd holland )  all wanted to make this film . in fact  it is only the expertise by which this excruciatingly bad script has been executed that keeps me from suggesting that you stay as far away from krippendorf ', s tribe as possible . in retrospect  i can imagine how bad this film could have been . i shudder at the possibilities of awfulness had it starred an actor less able than dreyfuss . dreyfuss plays james krippendorf  an anthropologist who is granted $ 100  000 by his university to find an undiscovered tribe in new guinea . halfway into his two - year expedition  his wife ( apparently ) dies . i say apparently because when or how she dies is never truly established . later  we find out that much of the grant money was spent on big - screen tvs and other such pleasures . so  when krippendorf finds out what happens to professors who do not use their grant money wisely  he decides to construct an elaborate lie . he makes his own tribe  using his three children as actors in a video . he simply makes up certain incredible facts about this tribe ( which he calls the shelmickedmu ) . audiences at krippendorf ', s lectures are amazed by his findings that the shelmickedmu practice circumcision . and proof that the typical family unit is led by a single father is truly amazing to the anthropological community . like all films like this  the lie becomes more and more complex  and the suspense is generated with us wondering at what point it is all going to fall out from under our hero . dreyfuss is a funny  talented man  and he is funny in this film . he has lots of positive energy and  unlike most comical actors  really manages to play people like this realistically . this film also requires a lot of physical humor that i ', ve never seen dreyfuss perform  and he does a great job . jenna elfman  who plays veronica mecilli  a scientist who wants in on krippendorf ', s work  is also very funny and appealing here . and the kid actors are great  as well . but we ', re talking about the script from hell . this is one of those stories that requires such extreme suspension of disbelief that they might as well have established that the story just takes place in an alternate universe where things like this can happen . but the ridiculousness of the story is not really what is so bad about it . all the cliches and the irritating plot devices could have easily been overcome by dreyfuss and crew . no  the script is plagued with so many clueless stereotypes and mean - spirited characters that i was in disbelief as i watched . furthermore  the manor in which all of this material is covered up is truly shameless . take  for instance  the scene in which krippendorf gets veronica drunk so he can tape them having sex . they get all decked out in the tribe getup  complete with paint to darken their skin . krippendorf does this because he needs footage of the mating rituals of his tribe . now  i saw this scene coming from a mile away  but i said to myself  " no  that would be far too tasteless . there ', s no way they ', ll do that . . . oh god ! " they did do it . it ', s there . i was almost more appalled by the fact that this didn ', t bother the other audience members with whom i saw this film . i found it deplorable . and when krippendorf is forced to admit that he did it  he simply apologizes without the slightest hint of conviction in his voice . the film is filled with scenes like these . they not only insult the audience  but they insult the types of people that the film portrays . it would take some truly professional work to create videos convincing enough to fool an entire community of scientists  yet krippendorf does it easily in an afternoon . and watching dreyfuss stumble over a completely unprepared speech is funny and entertaining  but i think that most members of the on - screen audience would be able to see that he is making everything up as he goes . if i were an anthropologist  this film would insult me immensely . moving right along  the film plays off every stereotype our culture has ever learned regarding african tribes . sure  dreyfuss dressing up like a chief is really funny  and it allows for some entertaining scenes  but the heart of this material is deeply clueless as to the themes and thoughts that it provokes . it is because of dreyfuss as an actor that i was able to watch this film . his character here is not a good subject for a film because he is a shameless liar  and never once does he show any kind of penance for what he does . i suppose it was interesting to see the formula defied in this case  but for the purposes of good taste  i would have expected something . no  this man sets a terrible example for his kids and colleagues  and the writer of the film ( charlie peters ) didn ', t include a single scene in which krippendorf takes his kids aside and tells them that what he is doing is very bad . in fact  it ', s his eldest daughter that frequently tells him that he is doing the wrong thing  and he continually shrugs off her warnings . i suppose it ', s important to admit that this is a funny film . dreyfuss and elfman  and many of the contrived and insulting scenes  add up to a picture that is anything but boring . and if you ', re less serious than i  you probably will enjoy it . i  however  can ', t get past these elements . krippendorf ', s tribe is being marketed as a family comedy  but this is the kind of film that teaches the kids of our society faulty lessons that they shouldn ', t be learning . with a little more insight into its story and themes  this could have been a good movie .
neg after a marketing windup of striking visuals and the promise of star caliber actors  mission to mars ends up throwing a whiffleball . fiercely unoriginal  director depalma cobbles together a film by borrowing heavily from what has gone before him . there are aliens similar to those in close encounters of the third kind . the stranded astronaut theme is reminiscent of robinson crusoe on mars . the astronauts encounter space flight difficulties that smack of apollo 13 . interior spacecraft visuals are redolent of 2001 : a space odyssey . instead of using these components as a launching pad to create his own movie  de palma stops right there  refusing to infuse the film with anything even remotely resembling cleverness or heart . mission to mars takes it ', s first wobbly steps at a pre - launch barbeque in which the perfunctory character introductions are done . during these surface scans of the characters  we learn that jim mcconnell ( sinise ) has lost his wife . it ', s a plot point revisted throughout the film with jackhammer subtlety . the rest of the crew exhibit a bland affability . there is no contentiousness  no friction to add the the dramatic tension of these men and women being confined to close quarters for an extended length of time . maybe depalma was going for the comraderie of the right stuff  but in that movie  the astronauts had embers of personality to warm us through the technical aspects . it ', s the year 2020 and this is nasa ', s first manned excursion to the red planet . a crew  led by luke graham ( cheadle )  arrives on mars and quickly discovers an anomaly  which they investigate with tragic results . graham is able to transmit a garbled distress call back to earth . in response  earth sends a rescue team comprised of mcconnell  woody blake ( robbins )  wife terri fisher ( nielsen ) and phil ohlmyer ( o ', connell ) . obstacles are put in the crew ', s way and and they matter - of - factly go about solving them . i should say  mcconnell goes about solving them . time and again  mcconnell is presented as some kind of wunderkind  which wouldn ', t be so bad if the rest of the crew didn ', t come across as so aggressivelly unremarkable . ( mention should be made of the misogynistic handling of fisher in a situation where the entire crew ', s mission and life is in mortal danger . on a team of professionals  she is portrayed as an emotion directed weak link . women serve no purpose in the movie other than to serve as a reflection of a male character ', s personality trait . ) by the time they land on mars and try to solve the mystery of what occurred  mission to mars starts laying on the cliches and stilted dialogue with a heavy brush . there is an adage in film to " show  don ', t tell . " mission to mars does both . repeatedly . characters obsessively explain the obvious  explain their actions as they are doing them  explain to fellow astronauts facts which should be fundamental knowledge to them . the film ', s conclusion is momumentally derivative  anti - climatic and unsatisying . as i walked out i wondered who the target audience might be for this film . the best i could come up with is pre - teen age boys  but in this media saturated era  this film ', s components would have been old hat even for them . i have to think what attracted such talent to this film was the lure of making a good  modern day b - movie . the key to such a venture is a certain depth and sincerity towards the material . i felt no such earnestness .
neg some movies ask you to leave your brain at the door  some movies ask you to believe in the impossible to really have a good time . playing god asks just one simple  eensy  teensy thing so it can fully entertain you  it ', s accomplished in just four easy to follow steps : crack open your skull  scoop out your brain  squish it under your foot several times and reverse steps two and one . congratulations  you now have all the necessary requirements to fully enjoy a whole lot of nothing . some movies fail at the box office but you manage to see why the producers thought it could have been a good movie  others are simply good ideas that are badly executed . then there ', s playing god  which enters the esteemed category of movies which seem to have grown from the union of a drunk director  actors satisfied in the knowledge that this horrible flick will have no lasting impact on their careers and a bunch of rip - offs ( or homages as they like to call it ) from other  better movies that end up looking like an unflushed toilet . harsh ? maybe . justified ? hell yes ! this is a movie that is not just satisfied in ripping off other movies but feels the need to remind us of that fact every ten minutes . for example  a gunman bursts into a garden with the two guns in his hands firing away . this does look moderately kool  but the camera lingers on the actor for so long you can almost hear the director yelling : " oooh  look look ! john woo ! two guns blazing ! slooooow motion ! " and if that wasn ', t enough  you can also hear the script grunting under the effort it must take to try and make every single line of dialogue sound like something deep and meaningful like in a tarantino movie . poor timothy hutton gets to deliver most of the corny lines  you have to admire the effort he puts into it  this guy deserves better . unlike most movies this one does not suffer from " stupid bad guy " syndrome  just to make things a little different this time we get stupid heroes . example : duchovny manages to distract a bad guy by making him go into the bathroom to get some bandages . now the bad guy is  like  stoned  man  so he leaves his shotgun next to our hero . ( term used as loosely as possible ) survival instincts and a good dose of common sense seems to suggest grabbing the shotgun  which our hero does  but only after contemplating it for about thirty seconds . even when he does grab it he seems unsure how to hold it  going so far as to actually wonder if he should place a finger near the trigger . mind you  i ', ve never fired a shotgun in my life but believe you me that the bad guy would be missing most of his vital organs  be he stoned or not . some will argue that our hero does not have a killer instinct  the hell with that ! two fbi guys have just been shot in front me  along with one bad guy and the other looks like he might go ballistic at any second . solution ? boom ! i ', ll take the time to feel sorry about it later thank you very much . another prime example of the idiot hero syndrome : our boy duchovny needs to reach his girl before something bad happens to her . he knows the head bad guy has her on the tenth floor of a building and that he might be running into a room full of people with itchy trigger fingers . he still has his shotgun  bring it along you say ? no thanks  i ', ll just ditch it in the back of my car . and the real kicker is this : when he reaches the room and people start shooting at him he has the nerve to look surprised ! while we are on the subject of getting shot  why in hades were those fbi guys sitting with their backs to the door ? i ', ve got no formal training but even i know you never sit with your back to the door . ask mr . wild bill  the first and only time he did not sit with his back to a wall cost him his life . this is the major problem with this movie  any mook could have thought of a hundred ways to make it better . is it so much to ask that hollywood actually put a little common sense into their characters ? for instance : our heroes hide at duchovny ', s summer home  now the bad guys could come knocking at any moment . ok  this time our hero does get himself a gun and has it at his side most of the time . but see  our hero is a drug addict and guess what ? he chooses now to go clean and suffer through dt . oh sure  he ', ll be really impressive when the bad guys come calling . going clean is really honorable of him  but i would have waited until i did not need to be conscious or being able to fire a gun . for an enjoyable performance by timothy hutton  plot holes the size of godzilla  getting our intelligence insulted and several " oh come on ! " moments .
neg preposterous religious action film ( produced by the trinity broadcasting network ) about a code hidden within the text of the bible that when deciphered will lead to the end of the world ( nice of those bible authors to put a doomsday code into the most read book ever eh ? ) . michael york plays a millionaire diplomat who breaks the code and sets out to become god on earth and fulfill the doomsday prophecies  while casper van dien ( terribly miscast and giving an awful performance as a result ) plays the atheist motivational speaker who must stop him . michael ironside ( great as always  despite the silly film surrounding him ) plays a fallen priest and right hand man to michael york ', s character . here ', s some subtle character development you may have missed pertaining to ironside ', s character . now despite the fact that we see him murder a man in the opening scene  the filmmakers aren ', t quite sure if their audience will understand that he is evil . how do they fix that ? make specific efforts to show that his character is the only one in the film who smokes ! there are lots of ominous shots of michael ironside smoking . . . oooooo scary . but even that wasn ', t enough for the filmmakers apparently  as they later have to infer that ironside ', s character is gay ! it comes out of nowhere and just makes no sense . my main problem with this film is that  despite the silly story ( which could have been pulled off . . . anything can be made believable if executed correctly )  the events of the film aren ', t shown with any sense of urgency or importance . for example  at one point york ', s character is declared chancellor of the world or something  and we see one brief  cheesy news report about it . the movie keeps telling us that the apocalypse is coming  but it never seems that way . there ', s no " world reaction " to anything . the omega code is available on dvd from goodtimes home video . it contains the film in the original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1  and includes the original theatrical trailer  a documentary on the making of the film  production notes  and cast and crew information . the documentary runs about 25 minutes and is actually surprisingly good ( it looks as though it was made for broadcast on tbn )  and it does a comprehensive job of interviewing practically everyone in the cast and crew ( with the exception of michael ironside  unfortunately ) . the best thing about it is that whenever crew members are interviewed  they do an excellent job of explaining their profession and exactly what it is they do on a movie set . most documentaries tend to overlook this . doomsday expert hal lindsey is even interviewed ( you ', ll remember his documentary from the 1970 ', s called the late great planet earth  where lindsey speculated that jimmy carter might actually be the antichrist ) . however  at the very beginning of the documentary the producers of the film managed to get on my bad side . when interviewed they actually have the nerve to say " ever see raiders of the lost ark ? well  our film is like that ! " no it isn ', t . not by a long shot . [ pg - 13 ]
neg " america ', s sweethearts " has an intriguing premise and a great cast  but it isn ', t nearly as edgy or funny as it should be . almost all the problems with the project can be traced back to co - script writer billy crystal  who shows the same lack of discipline with the screenplay that he typically displays while co - hosting " comic relief " charity shows with robin williams and whoopi goldberg ( two other paragons of self - indulgence ) . crystal ignores a simple  but crucial  rule : for a screwball comedy to work  the characters must be placed into a rigid social setting  because only in that context will their unorthodox antics be humorous . " america ', s sweethearts " takes place at a press junket  where decorum must be maintained in front of the reporters . it ', s a promising set - up  but the screenplay quickly blows off the rules  thus dissipating the tension of the situation . by the end of the film  all the lead performers participate in a huge fight with a room full of journalists looking on  but their outbursts are only mildly amusing because the structure has been destroyed . john cusack and catherine zeta - jones play eddie thomas and gwen harrison  a beloved acting duo whose marriage hit the skids when gwen began seeing hector ( hank azaria )  a spanish actor with an ego almost as pronounced as his lisp . of the last nine films eddie and gwen made together  six crossed the $ 100 million mark  but the prospects for their final effort  a space opus titled " time over time  " are far from rosy . while eddie has spent many months in a new age rest clinic fretting over the breakup  gwen ', s solo films have tanked . to make matter worse  the director of the movie ( christopher walken )  a " visionary " who purchased the unabomber ', s cabin and had it moved to his backyard  is withholding the film from the studio  insisting that the first screening be held at the junket . desperate to win over the press  the studio elects to hire lee ( billy crystal )  a recently fired publicist  to salvage the situation . lee hopes to turn lemons into lemonade by convincing eddie and gwen to pretend to be on the road to reconciliation . he enlists the help of kiki ( julia roberts )  gwen ', s sister  personal assistant and whipping girl . what lee doesn ', t know is that kiki is in love with eddie  a fact that could temper her effectiveness . press junkets are a haven for control freaks . studios fly journalists in from around the world and put them up in a plush hotel  with food and drink always at hand . generally  on the evening of their arrival  writers are bussed to see the featured film  then ferreted straight back to the hotel . the next day  writers go to the studio suites and assemble in groups of five or six for roundtable interviews . every 30 minutes or so  a producer  director  writer or actor is brought into the room for a few minutes of questions  with a publicist hovering in the corner to keep an eye on things . the atmosphere is one of cordial oppression ? writers are free to ask what they want  but understand that if the studio dislikes a question  they may not be invited to future junkets . representatives from tv stations face even more restrictions . they get roughly five minutes to interview each member of the cast and crew  with the studio filming the exchanges . the " reporters " are notorious for tossing softball questions as they suck up to the stars  but to play it safe  the studios stand ready to erase the tapes if anything unpleasant occurs . placing two spoiled actors in a setting where image is everything is inspired  but the screenplay undermines the conceit . the junket is moved from the handsome  but highly confining  four seasons hotel to a plush resort near las vegas . for most of the film  the movie stars run around the sprawling grounds  completely safe from the eyes of the press . when they do deal with journalists  the " it is imperative that you be on your best behavior in front of the reporters " premise is de - clawed . gwen and eddie insult each other while the tv cameras roll  they scream at each other in a restaurant filled with the media and  at the screening of the movie  everyone connected with the film goes nuts  all without any repercussions . lee certainly isn ', t bothered by any of the infantile outbursts ; in fact  he makes arrangements for footage of even more inappropriate behavior to be delivered to the tabloids . is the studio angry about his handling of the combative actors ? hell no ? they feel lee is a genius for garnering so much publicity for the movie . all of which underscores how billy crystal and co - writer peter tolan screwed up their own premise : the comedy in " america ', s sweethearts " is based on barely - in - control people trying to contain themselves in the presence of reporters  except that it doesn ', t matter because any publicity is good publicity . and thus the very set - up for the film implodes  leaving smoke and dust in place of laughter . so what about the cast ? julia roberts  at her best playing the underdog  is utterly charming here  although i could have lived without flashbacks that exist solely as an excuse to show her in a fat suit ( and not a very convincing one  by the way ) . catherine zeta - jones makes a believable brat and john cusack fleshes out his obsessed character enough to make him vaguely sympathetic . by casting himself as the publicist  billy crystal allows himself to do roughly the same thing he does on " comic relief " - stay on the sidelines of the action while tossing off cornball jokes and snarky remarks . in supporting roles  hank azaria wears out his welcome fast with broad gestures and a spanish accent that speedy gonzales would have deemed " too broad . " seth green is amusing as a toadie  stanley tucci is very good as a ruthless studio head and christopher walken plays the eccentric director with suitable flair  though he has little to work with . come to think of it  " little to work with " is the operative phrase for this movie . as a hollywood satire  " america ', s sweethearts " is toothless . as a romance  it is at best a minor pleasure . such a good cast  such a waste of their efforts . had it not been taken long ago  a better title for the film would have been " much ado about nothing . "
neg do the folks at disney have no common decency ? they have resurrected yet another cartoon and turned it into a live action hodgepodge of expensive special effects  embarrassing writing and kid - friendly slapstick . wasn ', t mr . magoo enough  people ? obviously not . inspector gadget is not what i would call ideal family entertainment . younger viewers will likely be taken in by the abounding goofiness  but their adult companions may feel a wave of nausea sweeping over them as they attempt to endure this appalling 80 - minute exercise in glaring stupidity . the movie is poorly edited  grossly manipulative  and the finished product resembles somewhat of a failed jigsaw puzzle . all the elements are there  but the manner in which director david kellogg pieces them together is laughable and trite . as a huge fan of the 80 ', s animated tv show  the first thing i must express is my anger toward the treatment of the main villain . in the cartoon  dr . claw was a frightening  raspy - voiced presence who remained a total mystery to the viewer . we never saw his face ; he simply sat back in his arm - chair  watching surveillance cameras and gently stroking his loyal cat . as a child  i always imagined what dr . claw would appear as - and this curiosity kept me watching for many years . with the release of the live - action movie  the face of this once intriguing villain has been unrightfully exposed - it ', s . . . rupert everett ? ! only now  dr . claw is simply known as claw ( ` one word  ', he explains  ` like madonna ', ) . he sports a shiny clamp instead of the steel glove  and seems far less interesting than the animated version . it helps that the dashing everett is enthusiastic  but he overplays the role entirely too far . when all is said and done  this wasn ', t a very wise move on the part of the screenwriters - the infamous dr . claw has been turned into a wisecracking game show host who makes cheap attempts at being suave and cool . he does still have his cat  though . in the title role  matthew broderick looks lost . the actor  while usually downright charming  doesn ', t know exactly where to take his character - a fault that again can be blamed on the hapless writers . broderick first plays a friendly  naive security guard named john brown  who dreams of becoming a cop and upholding the law for the good of the people . he has a mad crush on pretty scientist brenda ( joely fisher )  who has stumbled upon a new wave of technology involving the interaction of human tissue and electronics . but one fateful night  her lab is destroyed and her experiment is stolen by a fiendish millionaire ( everett ) who wants to take over the world . john courageously pursues the limousine from the scene of the crime  but loses the chase when his vehicle bursts into flames . in a full body cast  he is chosen to be the first human prototype for brenda ', s work ; a revolutionary crime fighting tool with numerous fancy gadgets to dispatch bad guys . and so is born inspector gadget . as bad as this movie is  it does have a certain charm in isolated scenes . broderick actually fares better playing robo gadget  an evil and destructive clone that claw has set loose on the city . and there are about two or three amusing punch lines  the funniest being when robo gadget impersonates a rampaging monster with shadow puppets on a brick wall  and a japanese man flees the scene while screaming  ` this is why i left tokyo ! ', alas  the hit ratio of the ongoing gags is about 20 to 1 in favor of not even cracking a slight giggle . there are so many tired plot additions . gadget ', s talking car ( voiced by d . l . hughley ) is the same type of character as zoot the suit from my favorite martian . both are wisecracking  non - human additions designed to coax laughter from smaller children . well  it just doesn ', t work ( in fact  zoot functioned marvelously in comparison to this ) . and don ', t even get me started about the villains . i didn ', t mind everett ', s performance  but his bumbling assistants will make every adult cringe with disgust . the characters from the cartoon have been reduced to thankless supporting roles . penny ( michelle trachtenberg ) and brain the dog now have little to do with the action  and chief quimby ( dabney coleman ) has lost considerable appeal in the transition of animation to live action . the special effects are everywhere  but not so annoying they will cause your eyes to peel over . the problem here lies solely in the script . perhaps the next time disney attempts a remake like this  they will invest more in the screenplay than the fancy - schmancy visuals . here is one critic crossing his fingers  anyway .
neg if you haven ', t plunked down your hard - earned money yet for " wild wild west  " the latest summer holiday offering from will smith  let me say right now that your money will be better spent on a starbuck ', s frappacino or on a ben & jerry ', s sundae . these treats are great relief from the summer heat . in contrast  this film made me simmer in disappointment . i can accept the fact that summer movies tend to put more weight into special effects and that good stories and flavorful characters usually take a back seat . this was true of star wars episode i  but at least in that film  the story and the characters were still in the back seat . in this film  they are no where to be found . what remains are hundreds of male extras costumed as gunslingers and foppish aristocrats  lots of female extras who look like can - can dancers  and a clunky  80 - foot tall instrument of destruction that resembles a mechanical tarantula . two men are asked to stop this threat . one is artemus gordon ( kevin kline )  an inventor who uses his intellect and array of disguises to best his opponents . among his creations are false breasts and the bulletproof vest . the other man is jim west ( will smith )  who prefers the shoot - first - then - shoot - some - more method of investigating . although their individual talents must be combined to achieve success  their interaction with one another merely seemed like a second rate  two - man vaudevillian act . for example  there is a scene where west  being more debonair than the reserved gordon  notes that the fake breasts should be filled with water rather than buckwheat  which is what it is currently filled with . " now touch my breast  " west says . gordon does so and then softly coos his approval . i found myself groaning at this kind of silliness . the script fails to generate any sense of drama  humor  or fun for that matter . i did enjoy kline ', s reserved performance  but was surprised at how much latitude they gave to smith . could it be that will smith is just so bankable that he ', s not even required to act ? it was as if the director was yelling " will smith  do your own thing . . . and action ! " here ', s an example . in this scene  will smith is about to be hanged by a group of angry white people . he must endear himself to the crowd to escape . the director yells  " will smith  do your own thing . . . and action ! " in another scene  he has to masquerade as a belly dancer in order to save his comrades . " will smith  do your own thing . . . and action ! " worse still  the final battle scene aboard the mechanical tarantula is a horrid mess . there are cogs spinning and pulleys pulling and levers going up and down everywhere you look . there ', s actually a lot of imagination at work in this film . there are some genuinely clever inventions and gizmos introduced  but all of this imagination is wasted in a film that is visually cluttered and dramatically flat . and that ', s too bad because if there was more focus on the story rather than will smith just doing his ', thing  ', this film might have been palatable . as it turns out  " wild wild west " is the wild  wild worst and receives my vote for biggest disappointment of the year .
neg synopsis : two con artists find the perfect patsy in harry ( woody harrelson ) - - an inept former journalist who trips and bumps his head into a post  tries to slap a girl and gets poked in the eye  has ill - timed fits of coughing  and fails at everything he does . the story is told from harry ', s point of view . harry always carries around a shot of whiskey although he swears he doesn ', t drink . one day harry is approached by the con girl rhea ( elisabeth shue )  who is similar to harry in that she carries around a cigarette but swears she doesn ', t smoke . seduced  harry agrees to participate in a money - making scheme involving faking the kidnapping of odette ( chloe sevigny )  the teenage daughter of a rich man . turns out  it ', s all part of a needless  very puzzling  extremely elaborate and convoluted scheme ( it involves hiring special impersonators ) by two cons in order to fool harry  a hero who barely has the intellectual capacity of a wooden post . when the ', kidnapped ', odette is found dead  the clues point to harry as the kidnapper / murderer  and the police are hot on harry ', s trail . harry suddenly realizes he has been framed while others have taken the ransom money . can he get out of this mess ? opinion : palmetto is a long  uninteresting film with all the wrong feel . hero harry is an inept bungler who trips up often and consistently overestimates his own intelligence . this farcical kind of character works best in an entertaining naked gun action comedy or dragnet spoof . but palmetto is played like a dark  serious  detective noir drama  and watching harry ', s bumbling confidence amounts to an irritating distraction . there ', s a lapse in concentration in the middle of the movie as the camera goes wild on breasts  buttocks  short skirts  colored painted nails  and women ', s legs . even when the focus is supposedly on harry and his dilema  you can always notice the side of elizabeth shue ', s breast forming a prominent foreground . towards the end  palmetto re - focuses on plot for the grand finale - - a confusing explanation involving impersonators  with woody harrelson handcuffed and suspended over a tub of acid as he hears the criminals ', confession . if you can imagine ', shemp ', from the three stooges playing the detective hero of an hbo ', lingerie suspense ', thriller  that ', s how out of synch this movie feels .
neg starring arnold schwarzenegger ; danny devito ; emma thompson & frank langella the only thing that you can say about junior is that it is a disappointment  and a big one at that . junior brings together arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito with director ivan reitman . these are the same men that brought us the very funny twins . so foolish me  i was hoping for something that would at least come close to the level of quality of twins . so much for hopes . schwarzenegger and devito play two scientists ( doctors hesse and arbogast ) who are working on a new drug that will reduce the possibility of miscarriage in pregnancy . unfortunately  due to circumstances beyond their control  they are denied permission to test this new drug on humans  and subsequently lose their funding . still believing that their drug will work  they decide to test it anyway  on hesse . so  dr . hesse ( schwarzenegger ) artificially inseminates himself and begins taking the drug . their theory is that if the drug can prevent a man from miscarrying  surely it will work on a woman . does the thought of arnold schwarzenegger pregnant sound funny or humorous to you ? well  it must have to the producers of junior . admittedly  schwarzenegger has the comedic talent to pull it off . perhaps if it had been done differently it might have actually been funny . but it wasn ', t  schwarzenegger pregnant is goofy at best . the sight of schwarzenegger running around going through the hormone imbalances that come with pregnancy  and the accompanying emotional swings  is not funny . schwarzenegger comes very close to embarrassing himself with these antics . i kept thinking to myself  with the time arnold wasted making this turkey he could have been making an action picture . better yet  with schwarzenegger  devito and reitman all in the same place at the same time  why didn ', t they make a sequel to twins ? anything would have been better than this mess . danny devito is wasted in this movie . his part could have been played by any joker they pulled in off the street . ( after seeing the movie  if i was devito  i probably would have wished they had pulled someone in off the street . ) emma thompson is wasted here as well . while thompson is best known for her jane austin adaptations  she is also a fine comedian . too bad she didn ', t get to use any of that talent here . am i being too hard on this film ? i don ', t think so . schwarzenegger and devito are two of my favorite actors in film today  and ivan reitman is one of the more talented directors in hollywood . with a supporting cast of emma thompson and frank langella  the filmmakers really have to be trying hard to make a bad film . they certainly managed here . maybe it was well intentioned  but unfortunately this is a movie that never should have been made . if you are tempted to see this film  do yourself a favor and go rent twins  a film that truly takes advantage of arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito ', s comedic talents .
neg there are scenes in " the big hit " that are so awful  they simply defy description . the movie is infected with the same kind of blunderheaded idiocy and misplaced confidence that made " last action hero " ( 1993 ) such a chore to sit through . presumably  " the big hit " is an action - comedy  a difficult but not impossible genre to pull off . movies of this sort require a fine balance and careful tone  and the comedy is usually meant to work as catharsis for the violence . " lethal weapon 2 " ( 1989 ) is a perfect example of an action thriller that was also very  very funny . unfortunately  in " the big hit  " it seems that comedy is the main motive  and the violence is only intended to punctuate the laughs . unfortunately  there are no laughs . the movie resembles some of the goofy  throwaway ridiculousness of early jackie chan films  but it doesn ', t benefit from chan ', s incredible stunts and goofy  charismatic presence . instead  we are left with a lot of digital effects and mark wahlberg  who must have considered himself invincible after his critically - acclaimed performance in last year ', s " boogie nights . " however  if he wants to maintain a decent career  he had better start selecting his projects more carefully - movies like this are a sure - fire recipe for a long career in the straight - to - video market . wahlberg plays melvin smiley  an amiable guy who also happens to be a professional hitman ( see " grosse pointe blank " for the same character  much better developed ) . the movie wants us to think  " gee how clever and ironic - a guy who can kill without any moral implications  and yet he can ', t stand for anyone not to like him . " the fact is  melvin is so desperate to keep people from not liking him  that he puts up with both an obnoxious fiancee ( christina applegate  with a horrendous new york accent ) and an abusive girlfriend ( lela rochon ) who is only using him for his money . his constant bending over backwards to please people makes him a complete patsy at best  and a thoroughly unbelievable character at worst . melvin is employed exclusively by a crime boss named paris ( avery brooks ) as part of a team of hitmen  which also includes cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) and crunch ( bokeem woodbine ) . one day  melvin agrees to do some moonlighting with cisco by kidnapping the teenage daughter of a rich japanese mogul named jiro nishi ( sab shimono ) for a million dollar ransom . however  not only has jiro nishi lost all his money producing a big hollywood movie ( inside joke  get it ? )  but his kidnapped daughter  keiko ( china chow )  also happens to be paris ', goddaughter . so  when paris finds out she ', s been kidnapped  he takes it personally and becomes determined to find out who did it . not knowing the cisco is actually behind the whole scheme  paris puts him in charge of rooting out the kidnapper . of course cisco blames the whole thing on poor  innocent melvin . along the way  there are several obligatory gunfights  explosions  and car chases  plus a literal cliffhanger inspired by " jurassic park  " and a completely unconvincing romance between melvin and keiko ( who looks like she ', s barely pushing fifteen ) . what the movie passes off as humor resorts to thoroughly unfunny jokes about overweight jewish mothers  hara - kiri  drinking problems  leaking body bags  and a running gag about how crunch has recently discovered the pleasures of masturbation  and now spends all his time doing hand exercises . not to mention the pimply video store clerk who is always calling melvin and screeching about how he needs to return his copy of " king kong lives  " which is two weeks overdue . this mess of a movie was helmed by che - kirk wong  the latest hong kong director imported by john woo ( " face / off " )  who also served as executive producer . woo needs to stop acting as a conduit for other directors  and start making more of his own films . wong  who directed such films as " rock ', n ', roll cop " back in hong kong  is completely tone deaf when it comes to comedy . maybe jokes about vexatious video clerks and vomiting on other people are funny across the ocean  but they ', re not here  at least in the manner wong handles them . many of the problems can be traced back to the script  which was penned by obvious freshman writer ben ramsey . in addition to his vague characterizations and uninspired action sequences  ramsey ', s script assaults the audience with his attempts to copy the vulgar  poetic rhythms of tarantino or mamet - style dialogue . what he comes out with is just a lot of annoying blather  most of which spews from the lips of lou diamond phillips ( whose favorite phrase is " it ', s all love " ) and robin dunne  who plays cisco ', s stuttering  black - wannabe assistant . the irritation factor of phillips and dunne combined is almost off the scale  which can pretty much describe the film as a whole .
neg well i guess it ', s that time of the year again . the one time of the year where movie craftors are exonerated from the need to even * try * writing a script that has more dialogue than explosions . it ', s also the best time for the handful of existing bigtime hollywood mr action heroes to dust off their miniscule vocabularies  pull on their black vests and charge onto our screens tersely expirating what they hope will become memorable catchphrases . in america they call this time " summer " and it happens once every year . and maybe it ', s the exposure to all that nasty sun that does it  but in the process normally weak  insipid lines like " consider this a divorce  " " hasta la vista  baby  " and " you ', re the disease . i ', m the cure " actually do end up being repeated more often then the phrases from my book of biblical proverbs . this is not entirely a bad thing  of course . what am i talking about ? i ', m talking about the summer " blockbusters  " the " action thrillers  " the " this - obviously - cost - a - lot - so - you - know - everyone ', s - going - to - go " explosions  gas threats  flying saucers  and special effects . in the rash of " my  what big guns you have  but wait ! mine are bigger " movies  there are also the usual boy - meets - fish - and - saves - environment movies ( or whale  whatever )  and * this * year  the odd crop of " save - the - world - from - aliens - or - environment - threats " offerings . i ', m talking about the three batmans  the speeds  the terminators  etc . this year i ', m talking about twister  independence day  the arrival  the rock  mission : impossible  and of course  eraser . here in singapore  as our local movie critics like to whine  we seem to get the pick of the crop of " my explosion is more real - looking than yours " movies  but nothing else . mission : impossible opened in our theatres almost as soon as it did in the us . the same goes for eraser  which is unfortunate for arnold schwarzenegger because coming so soon after what time magazine recently called " mission : unavoidable " ( on account of its worldwide mega - advertising blitz )  eraser seems like a cheaper  less thoughtful imitation . that ', s saying a lot  because mi the movie was already a cheap  thoughtless imitation of its tv originator of the ', 60s "/'", 70s . in eraser  arnie is a us federal marshall who relocates trial witnesses whose testimonies place their lives in danger . he does this by destroying all evidence of their present existence and re - situating them with new identities . his new case is lee cullen  played by vanessa williams who  unlike all the other scumbags he ', s ever relocated  is " an actual  real life honest person . " because she ', s so good  and has such nice legs  arnold spends the whole movie trying to protect her  and only uses the opening movie sequence to save robert pastorelli from * his * killers . lee obtains evidence that the high - technology weapons company she works for is secretly selling sophisticated  black - market arms to people with foreign accents and stringy hair . of course  as the formula goes  her revealing this information will destroy the system as we know it because heck  there are people in high places who will go down with this  because yes  this is the biggest conspiracy in the history of the world ( that is  america ) since watergate . in protecting lee  arnold is framed by the mentor - turned - evil robert deguerin  nicely played by james caan  and ends up having to prove that he isn ', t the one killing the programme ', s witnesses in addition to making sure lee isn ', t accidentally torpedo - ed to death by the new  green guns his enemies all have . it ', s around this time that people in the theatre with me starting humming the mission : impossible theme  because arnie ', s mission includes breaking into a high - security building to run a disk . i guess i should tell you more about the particular gun everyone in this movie is so antsy about . it ', s an electro - magnetic pulse gun thing which fires aluminium missiles  and which can see through walls . it has some sort of x - ray vision  so its user can target the victim ', s heart even from great distances . despite this  which i figure is a pretty cool feature in a gun ( though i ', m certainly no expert )  however  arnold  whose own heart is targeted a number of times  * never * goes flying 10 feet backwards with a two - foot missile through his chest like all the others who get shot by this gun . instead he outruns and outsmarts his trackers each time  giving eery and ironic resonance to that terminator line that practically made him famous : " i ', ll be back . " like everyone else in the theater  i left the movie feeling that the trailers had duped me  because they made me want to watch this movie voluntarily . although there is a * lot * of violence in this movie  not to mention mutilation and some bloody tussles with alligators  i recommend this movie to most over - 18s who need some therapeutic mindless action to get over the weirdness of fargo or the hangover effect of leaving las vegas . review ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg the rapid - fire formula that worked so well in airplane !  the " police squad ! " television series  top secret !  three naked gun films  and two hot shots ! movies has finally reached a desperate dead - end with spy hard . even ezio gregio ', s the silence of the hams is arguably funnier than this over - extended spy - and action - movie spoof . leslie nielsen stars as secret agent wd - 40  who returns from retirement to battle his old nemesis  general rancor ( a cackling andy griffith ) . the jokes fly in every direction and with hardly a hint of restraint  timing  or tact . most the movie is comprised of recycled airplane and naked gun gags  recreated movie sequences  and soggy star cameos . yeah  maybe we * do * need ray charles driving an l . a . bus bound for a speed bump  but did mr . t  hulk hogan  and dr . joyce brothers also have to appear in the same movie ? leslie nielsen plays it straight with his usual dopey flair . there is something oddly inspiring about the sight of nielsen wearing a nun ', s habit  even the resulting sister act spoof is silly . as are the bits directly lifted from home alone  pulp fiction  true lies  etc . etc . ( adolescent males might enjoy this mess  tho . the butt shots  breast peeks  penis pokes  flatulence gags  and related innuendo are right up beavis and butthead ', s alley . ) beyond the hilarious title sequence with " weird " al yankovich performing the theme song  spy hard is barely the stock that it ', s printed on . my recommendation : duck in while you ', re waiting for another movie to start . stay long enough to see the camera dart inside of weird al ', s nostril and then leave . you won ', t miss a thing .
neg tim burton has now completed his evolution from the brilliant director of macabre stories about outcast individuals yearning for acceptance  and into a studio monkey whose name is used as part of multi - tiered marketing materials for crap movies . and here he hits rock bottom  with planet of the apes . i didn ', t expect much from this latest " interpretation " of pierre boulle ', s classic novel planet of the apes . i mean  how could you top the force and impact of the original film  intelligently co - scripted by rod serling ( of twilight zone fame ) combined with the overbearing chuck heston growling and yelling at those " damn dirty apes  " in one of his best roles of his career ? sadly  i sat down to watch burton ', s version of planet of the apes and within the first 20 minutes  i was checking my watch and my girlfriend ( a big fan of the original film ) started to nod off . this time around  the story plays out like a cross between enemy mine  braveheart  and project x . marky mark wahlberg  who was enjoyable in boogie nights and the corrupter  plays leo davidson  a hot shot u . s . air force pilot . leo and his crew are in search of some mysterious magnetic storms ( no real explanation given in the film ) and leo sends one of his genetically altered " smart " chimps into the storms to collect data . leo and his crew lose communication with the chimp  leo hops in another ship to find the monkey  and then he ', s thrown through some type of time - space wormhole which crashes lands on the twentieth century fox studio backlot  all mocked up to look like the amazon jungle . leo ends up getting captured by a group of talking apes and is sold to a slave trader named limbo ( paul giamatti ) who in turn sells leo to a chimpanzee named ari ( helena bonham carter ) . the kind ari then helps leo and his fellow humans escape to the mountains to find leo ', s ship . along the way  monkeys played by tim roth ( overacting his role of a vicious general named thade ) and michael clarke duncan ( who further enhances his career by playing another heavy in a bad action movie ) strive out to hunt down leo and his band of human savages  just like battlefield earth ! in the end  it all culminates into another braveheart rip - off human versus ape battle scene . while rick baker ', s makeup work is amazing  the script is a pathetic hodgepodge ( courtesy of three writers )  the acting is horrible  and the " surprise " ending feels like a swing from a ball - peen hammer into the temple . wahlberg does not have the physical or mental presence of a chuck heston to carry the film or any of its action sequences . this remake  or re - interpretation  as tim burton has proclaimed it  is an insult to the intelligence and wit of the original film . the ethical arguments about the equality of species  fascism  and military buildup have been replaced by tremendous amounts of ridiculous dialogue  an unimaginative narrative structure  and a romance between a monkey and a human . even chuck heston ', s anti - gun tirade ( in the de rigeur cameo ) seems shallow and jokey . but the main element missing from this tim burton film is tim burton . even though his name is plastered across every billboard in america  john badham could have directed this film . even joel schumacher could have directed this film . he probably should have . burton ', s predominant themes of rejection  isolation  and the search for one ', s place in the universe  as seen in ed wood  edward scissorshands  and pee - wee ', s big adventure  are completely absent in this planet . i suppose that ', s what happen when a great director gets sucked through a wormhole .
neg the premise of this movie is  well  pretty far - fetched . tom berenger plays shale  a mercenary who is temporarily out of work ( those fools at the cia have denied his existence just because he and his buddies botched a job in cuba ) . fortunately  his girl friend ( diane venora )  a teacher at christopher columbus high school in miami  gets her knee cap broken by a disgruntled student  creating a job opening for shale as a substitute teacher . not telling his girl friend  who might object on pedagogical grounds  he creates a number of fake higher degrees for himself ( from yale  harvard  princeton  et al ) and begins his tenure as a high school teacher . the students ( junkies  drug dealers  gang members  sleazy sluts  ice - pick wielders . . . you get the picture ) don ', t really take to him right away  so he hits one in the face with a can and breaks a few fingers . this gets their attention to a certain extent  so he tells them the story of the vietnam war : " see  some homeboys from the north tried to muscle in on the turf of the homeboys from the south . " oh yeah  now they can dig it ; the problem is just that nobody ever explained it properly before . but wait ! there are drugs being dealt in the school itself ! and behind the whole scheme  in cahoots with the head gang  the kod ( no  not " cod "  but " knights of destruction " . . . really ! )  is none other than . . . the upright  ex - cop principal  played by the forgotten ghostbuster  ernie hudson ! so shale does what any good teacher would do . he gets his buddies together  they gather together a bunch of bazookas and other major weapons  explosives  and cool stuff like that  and they have a big showdown against the drug dealers and kod at the high school . ok  so the premise is not just far - fetched  it ', s downright dumb . if this were a hong kong action comedy  we might just accept it  but it takes itself far too seriously to be truly fun . oh  it has its moments ; how one can truly hate a movie in which huge ( really huge ) amounts of cocaine are delivered in school busses ? and to be fair  it is almost never really boring  as the action is interrupted by only short sequences of actual story . but over all  this is pretty much a made - for - tv movie with more ( and bigger ) explosions and more foul language . in fact  it reminded me of " miami vice " without the production values  babes in skimpy bikinis  and pastels . if you can sneak into the theater without paying  go for it . otherwise  wait for video . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg chris tucker is one of those guys you immediately get a reaction from -- you either find his helium voice  crazy eyes and jerky mannerisms funny or annoying . i think i fall into the former category ( i ', m one of the few who thought his turn in " the fifth element " as a prancing  prince - like deejay was complete inspired lunacy and not the least bit aggravating )  but his new vehicle " money talks " just doesn ', t do him service . tucker is good in the movie -- and this is the kind of film that  if people see it  could make him a big star -- but he ', s also really the only thing good about the movie . in fact  if you see " money talks  " it should shock you beyond recognition that two of " toy story " ', s writers penned the sloppy script . tucker ', s role here is that of franklin hatchett  a petty los angeles con artist whose carwash scams get him dogged by investigative reporter james russell ( charlie sheen ) . after being busted on the job for some illegal business involving counterfeit passports  franklin finds himself on a bus to the county jail and handcuffed to slick international jewel smuggler raymond villard ( gerard ismael ) . but villard ', s thugs blow up the bus in an attempt to free their leader ( never mind that the explosion could have instead killed him )  and because he and franklin are joined at the wrist  franklin is allowed to escape as well  but not before overhearing some important information regarding a diamond stash that -- for some reason or another -- is being hidden in a vintage roadster waiting to be auctioned off at an upcoming auto expo . the local media mistakenly puts the prison break - out blame on franklin  which is where james comes back into the picture . he makes a deal to protect franklin if  in turn  franklin gives him an exclusive interview . this means james must present his new " friend " in the stickiest of situations -- a formal dinner party for he and fiancee grace ( heather locklear )  also attended by her uber - rich parents ( veronica cartwright and nicely game paul sorvino ) . and of course the bad guys track franklin down and try to knock him off  all the while he spars and forms an unlikely bond with james . " this ain ', t no buddy movie  " claim the print ads . yeah  right . actually  for the better part of  oh  20 minutes  it appears " money talks " has the momentum to cover entertaining ground  and this is mostly due to the presence of spastic motormouth tucker . this is tucker ', s first leading role  and if you imagine a slightly lankier  african - american jim carrey with a reliance on wild r - rated raunch rather than pg - 13 physical comedy  you have a good idea of the conviction with which he assaults the role . but you realize all too quickly that tucker ', s overstated liveliness is the only thing " money talks " has going for it . and a lively actor alone does not a successful movie make . it ', s all too easy to pick out everything wrong with " money talks . " the plot is recycled buddy - buddy comedy - thriller tripe that seemed overused even when " nothing to lose " employed it last month . everything is paint - by - numbers  especially the los angeles coliseum finale  which finds not one  not two  but three separate enemy factions firing at franklin as they pursue him through the bleachers . the villains  as many as there are  are dull . certain story elements are too coincidental . and too much of the film ', s dramatic agenda is played too straight . a scene where grace confronts james after learning franklin ', s true identity ( " you brought a killer into my parents ', house ! " ) is extremely silly . you get the picture . obviously  i did not have a pleasant experience at " money talks . " but the people around me appeared to be having a rip - roaring good time ( one gentleman several rows behind me chortled with such expressive conviction i began fearing for his health ) . but tucker  at least for me  is a pretty funny guy  and aces the movie ', s best scene  where franklin passes himself off as vic damone ', s son at james and grace ', s engagement bash and toasts the couple with barry white lyrics . tucker ', s audience -- and he does have one -- will probably like " money talks . " those who he irritates  however  will have a more productive day staying home and scraping the gook out from under their toenails .
neg " soldier "  by director paul anderson  is a film in which any presence of originality is fleeting . the best moments of the film are in the opning scenes where kurt russel ', s character todd is shown growing up under strict military supervision . brutality through the eyes of the innocent and stripped of it every single day growing up is something that has a lot of emotional potential power behind it  and the opening scenes tap into it a little . then it goes nowhere with that idea . there is perhaps one rather fleeting scene afterwards that deals with the potential trauma of this dehumanization  and the rest of the film is just some of the biggest action movie cliches i ', ve ever seen . the whole idea of the inhuman  soldier - type character gaining some degree of humanity by defending a potential female love interest and family from his evil counterpart out to kill her is done  and it ', s been done much better . i was able to predict the plot of the _whole_ story  which wouldn ', t be so bad if other aspect of the film somewhat interesting . between the action sequences  it tries to deal with the aforementioned issues of humanity through the performance of mr . russel in the film and the tiny little window to his soul that is his eyes  since his dialog is extremely limited . his performance in that way isn ', t all that bad  but certainly is not enough to carry this film . other performances in this film are really not worth much mention at all  and they generally are about as weak as their characters . but enough of this stuff about plot and character  right ? isn ', t the most important part of an action film  well  the action ? even in this aspect the film is a disappointment . in mortal kombat ( 1995 )  director paul anderson proved that truly engaging use and choreography of action in a film can override problems with plot and produce something entertaining . however  he fails to repeat that in this film . the combat scenes  particularly the big one at the end  is incredibly unimaginatve . fighting and combat scenes are supposed to bring about thrills in this type of movie  a point which even an otherwise unimpressive film like starship troopers seemed to realize . but instead of reaching for something truly interesting to end the film with  it goes for the old  shoot - em up  one guy vs . an army type of cinema that i thought died with the military action films of the 80s . if the film went with some of the ideas it opened up with the introduction more seriously  it could have been a rather engaging science fiction film . however  it utterly failed to go in any new directions after that  making the film a big disappointment .
neg the first scene of operation condor has jackie chan preparing for a secret mission . he attempts to pop a couple of pieces of chewing gum into his mouth  but misses . after they ricochet off his face  he says  " not a good start . " as it turns out  this line not only gives foreshadowing to the opening sequence  but to the rest of the movie as well . in this  the latest of the jackie chan movies to be released in america after first runs in hong kong  chan plays an international operative codenamed " condor "  and is tasked by the united nations with finding a stash of gold hidden at a secret base by the nazi ', s during their retreat across the saharan desert during the second world war . for some reason  condor is given his mission at the u . s . embassy in spain . i think this may have been done so that in a chase scene  they could honor the time old tradition of knocking over a fruit cart . watch for it in any chase scene set in a foreign country  most notably in europe . the chase will take itself through a marketplace  and a fruit cart will be overturned . it ', s almost a guarantee . anyway . . . . condor is given a key which is supposed to unlock a giant vault in which the gold is hidden ; the problem is that the key has insulators integrated into it  which may mean a booby trap might be electronically triggered if the key is used improperly . to help him figure out where the gold is hidden and how to use the key correctly  condor is accompanied by a desert expert ( carol cheng ) and the granddaughter of the captain who was in charge of hiding the gold ( eva cobo ) . there aren ', t supposed to be any relatives of the nazi captain living in spain  but condor finds the granddaughter by looking her up in the phone book or something . although these two women are supposed to be integral parts of the mission  they prove no help at all except to get in trouble and provide an excuse for chan to jump into his martial arts . in fact  most of the scenes are so ridiculously contrived that it seems everything is just a way to set up a fight . i suppose this isn ', t so bad  since chan ', s action is really the best part of the movie  and the only reason you go to see one of his films anyway . if you ', ve never seen a jackie chan movie  don ', t expect a great plot  but do expect to be entertained by his moves . they are so well choreographed and often so amazing that you wonder if this guy is human . knowing that he does his own stunts  and knowing that this is the real stuff ( no computer - masked bungee cords here ) makes the action sequences all the more exciting . you ', ve got to hand it to a guy who ', s probably broken every bone in his body for the sake of his art . also of note in this  as in any jackie chan movie  is the humor . as far as i know  none of his films take themselves too seriously  and even the dramatic parts have a certain tongue - in - cheek quality about them . what is almost masterful is the way that humor is even integrated into the fight scenes . unlike a martial arts film such as anything with jean claude van damme  where the fights get you on the visceral level  fight scenes in chan ', s movies are simply entertaining . you marvel at both his moves and at the way he employs them in such a way to make you laugh . unfortunately  even chan ', s mastery can ', t save this film . the plot and characters are so weak that they don ', t hold the movie together at all  and the acting is terrible . carol cheng has apparently won best actress honors at the hong kong movie awards in the past  but since operation condor is a dubbed movie it kind of takes all bets off . this  combined with an obviously low production value made we want to turn away from the screen until i heard those kicks start flying .
neg cashing in on the success of white men can ', t jump and the failure of most of their solo vehicles ( including the cowboy way and drop zone )  wesley snipes and woody harrelson have reteamed  hoping that they can strike up the same success . sadly  if this dismal  cliche ridden and mind - numbingly boring action pic is anything to go by  they haven ', t got a chance in hell of even coming close . this time out  the duo play foster brothers who are transit cops . following several run - ins with their tyrannical boss ( robert blake )  who is obsessed with the " money train " -- a train which carries all the subway ', s takings -- and will let nothing stop it ( now * there ', s * an original plot device )  harrelson ', s character decides to try and take off with the cash . along the way  both of them fall in love with the same woman -- another transit cop who also hates her boss . this leads to the typical sibling rivalry crap that you usually find in a film of this standard ( ', you were always the better brother ', etc . etc . etc . )  and doesn ', t help to add anything to the film . given a better script  better performers in supporting roles and a shorter running time ( the film almost went for two hours -- or did it just feel like it ? )  this film might ( and i mean * might * ) have turned out okay  but as it is  it is stocked with the worst action film cliches  whose only purpose appears to be to pad the film out to its painfully long running time . robert blake  who plays the evil boss  has got to be the most pathetic bad guy in film history ! he sounds like wayne newton  and appears to think the best way to appear evil is to have your eyes bulging as though they are about to burst out of their sockets ! but this is only one of money train ', s problems . if you look at the script as if it was an action film  it lacks originality and suspense . but if you try to look at it as if it were a heist film  it is even worse . the final robbery sequence is almost trivialised and the characters definitely ain ', t butch and sundance . the film isn ', t all bad though . snipes and harrelson  when they aren ', t using the dumb cliches that the script gives them  make an agreeable duo  and some of the stunt - work is indeed excellent . but good stunt - work cannot save a bottom - of - the - barrel action movie . if you ', re a really undemanding action freak  there ', s a chance you ', ll like this . but if you ', re looking for something original  or suspenseful  try somewhere else -- i doubt you ', ll find it here .
neg girl 6 is  in a word  a mess . i was never able to determine what spike lee was trying to accomplish with this film . there was no sense of where the film was going  or any kind of coherent narrative . if there was a point to the film  i missed it . girl 6  by the way  is the way theresa randle ', s character is addressed in the phone sex workplace ; all the girls are known by their numbers . the plot  such as it is : theresa randle is a struggling n . y . actress  and eventually takes a job as a phone - sex operator . she begins to lose contact with reality  as her job consumes her . also  she must deal with the advances of her ex - husband ( isiah washington ) . he is an ex - con thief  and she tries to keep him away  while at the same time  it ', s clear that she still harbors feelings for him . her neighbor  jimmy ( spike lee ) functions as the observer ; mediating between the ex - husband and girl 6 . he also functions as a point of stability  as he watches her become seduced by the lurid world of phone sex . the soundtrack  consisting of songs by prince  was jarring . it kept taking my attention from the film - not altogether a bad thing  i ', ll grant you  as what was transpiring onscreen wasn ', t that riveting . for parts of the middle of the film  the music stayed blissfully in the background . in the opening sequence and one scene later in the film  however  the music was particularly loud and distracting . of course  i ', ve never really cared for prince ', s ( or tafkap if you like ) music . prince fans might love the soundtrack  but it will probably be distracting  even to die - hard fans . of the performances  the only one that stood out was spike lee ', s buddy character  jimmy . he was excellent as the always - broke neighbor of girl 6 . he should have stuck to acting in this film . there are several sequences that gave me the impression that he ', d like to be oliver stone when he grows up . there are scenes shot with different types of film  which are purposely grainy  and reminiscent of some of the scenes in oliver stone ', s natural born killers . in that film  they worked to propel the narrative . in this film  they just made me more confused . there are some amusing moments  and a few insights into the lives of the women who use their voices to make the phone - sex industry the multi - billion dollar industry that it has become . other than that  though  nothing much happens . there are a few intense moments  as when one caller becomes frightening  but even that is rather lackluster . i ', m not the biggest fan of spike lee  though i ', d agree that he has done some very good work in the past . in girl 6  though  he seems to be floundering . he had an interesting idea  a fairly good setup  and seemed to wander aimlessly from there . girl 6 earns a grade of d .
neg back in 1980s  chuck norris used to be synonym for the action films . he couldn ', t  of course  top the success and fame of big action names like sylvester stallone or arnold schwarzenegger  but sheer quantity of his films guaranteed that he was household name among shoot ', em up and beat ', em up genre aficionados . that quantity was mostly provided by cannon group  prolific production company that dominated the b - movie market in previous decade by flooding it with cheap  formulaic and  more often than not  unwatchable genre products . the hitman  1991 action thriller directed by chuck ', s brother aaron  is one of the last among them . chuck norris here plays seattle cop betrayed  shot and left for dead by his partner ( which shouldn ', t surprise anyone  considering the fact that the partner is being played by michael parks  specialised for roles of usually very mean characters ) . surviving the shooting  cop is pronounced dead and hired as deep undercover agent . he infiltrates the underworld circles in seattle and becomes their top hitman  using his abilities to start brutal war between three major crime organisations - italians  french canadians and iranians . since it is rather absurd to expect great acting ability from chuck norris  at least not in this kind of movie  the biggest attraction of this film should have been action . well  the action in this film falls flat - it is boring  repetitive and not at all exciting . it is nothing more than monotonous series of scenes that contains violence too brutal even for this type of films . we know very little about norris ', character while  on the other hand  gangsters are portrayed with more human dimension . in the end we almost feel sorry for them  since they are shown totally powerless against norris and his unstoppable and bloody crusade . during the film  somebody obviously became aware of that problem  so the screenwriter introduced the subplot dealing with the black boy who gets adopted by norris . that caused another problem - any questions about nature of that relationship had to be quashed with another subplot - this one dealing with lady lawyer who sleeps with the hero and gets killed after fulfilling that screenplay obligation . the photography in this film is dark  setting is depressive and this forgettable piece of 1980s style cinema leaves viewers without any reason to justify the hour and half spent in watching it .
neg as forgetful as some people may be it is doubtful that anyone could forget their wedding  especially three times . but  alas professor brainard somehow manages to accomplish this feat twice before the momentous night that he actually creates flubber . it ', s amazing that he is able to remember any of the processes he uses to make anything . the whole point here is how could a man be so blatantly forgetful . this is not absent minded this is almost mindless and he is a professor . well  this is the case for about the first half of the movie then things begin to settle into what might truly be considered absent minded . along the way to becoming absent minded from absent of mind the professor stumbles onto flubber . thankfully or there would be no movie or any amusement for the audience . the flubber is supposed to be flying rubber  but it seems to have a life of its own . this is there strictly for the kids . the properties of the flubber provide some antics for the audience when flubber coated golfballs and bowling balls assail two would be thugs . although amusing this is not original what so ever and brings back haunting memories of home alone . the poor professor has to save the university where he teaches at  get his fiancee back  finally stop the plotting of an evil millionaire  and do all this in the funniest way possible . admittedly there are funny moments but the movie is rather shallow and does not compare very well to the original ( the absent minded professor ) . the whole scene with the basketball game was just atrocious and totally unbelievable . the basketball players  stereotypically unqualified for the sport  somehow manage to bounce  fly and dribble their way back to being close to winning ? this just sounds too bad to be true  the least that could have been done was keep semi close to the original movie to give this film a chance . as for innovations and new ideas there is but two good ones in this movie . giving life to the flubber  which is so poorly executed that it ', s best forgotten  and prof . brainard ', s flying robot weebo . giving life to the flubber would have worked beautifully if it wasn ', t for scenes of the sort where you have the flubber dancing around on tables and books for no real reason other than to put in a bit of music and extend the length of the movie . the life of the flubber had brief and rather whimsical moments where it might have been used well  but it wasn ', t and in the end might have done the movie more harm than good . now  weebo is a totally different story . it ', s a robot that prof . brainard created but forgot how and gave something of a life too . this is a really original idea  well maybe not  but it is an idea that is well executed and in the end makes the poor robot the most developed and real character in the movie . yes folks the little yellow robot has more emotion and character than the characters . the film lacks the emotional punch to pull the audience in at all . the acting by robin williams ( prof . brainard ) seems to be half hearted for most of the movie and in many cases quite forced . most of the acting in the movie was so convincing as to fool only the part of the audience that had not quite yet reached the age to 12 . people when stood up at the altar  don ', t usually give third chances . or for that matter talk to the fiancee afterwards  but what can be expected this is a children ', s movie . flubber  as a movie does little original and is nothing special in any respect . with the best character in the movie being something of a prop i doubt that many people will find it all that great . it does have its amusing moments and it is a good story in the end  but it does not wash up to the original . kids should find this movie amusing and fun and they ', ll probably enjoy the whole movie . as a movie it ', s just a kids movie and not the best of ones at that .
neg how do you judge a film that is so bad  but intentionally so ? in spiceworld  the highly popular singing group the spice girls accomplish their major goal : mocking themselves with a purposely cheezy film and having a lot of fun doing it . if that was their goal  they did a fantastic job . so is it fair to give it such a low grade when it wasn ', t really meant to be much better than this ? honestly  i ', d rather see this film before many others i gave higher grades  so does that mean i graded it inaccurately ? truth be known  i don ', t really think i can answer this question . to understand spiceworld  you have to understand the spice girls . unless you ', re very * very * young  or fairly older  you probably have at least heard of them . they ', re a group of five busty british babes who ', ve had # 1 hit singles and whose debut album sold millions . they ', re primarily adored by pre - teen girls who hope someday the contents of their training bras might match those of ginger spice ', s ( real name : geri haliwell ) wonderbra . all five of the girls have these " spicy " names for which they are better known than their real names . there is the aforementioned ginger spice  as well as sporty spice ( melanie chisholm  or mel c . )  scary spice ( melanie brown  or mel b . )  baby spice ( emma bunton )  and posh spice ( victoria addams )  and all of them  to some degree or another  resemble their stage names . the spice girls took the world by storm  and spiceworld is actually a good - humored spoof of all that transpired during their quick rise to fame . it ', s quite nice to see what good sports the girls are ( and not just the one dubbed sporty ) about poking fun at themselves . they don ', t take themselves too seriously  and that ', s probably the best thing about them . it ', s also surprising how natural they seem in front of the camera * acting *  and not just singing and dancing . they ', re not flawless by any means  but for the most part  they deliver their lines without feeling staged  and  like them or not  we get the sense the five are very at home within their characters ( which seems reasonable since they portray themselves ) . what makes the film bad is that extreme fans of the spice girls won ', t get enough of their music  while the rest of us don ', t get enough of a movie . the real point of this is to look at the spice girls for over ninety straight minutes . most of the film is very blas ?  but several parts are downright boring  and then they have those sporadic moments that actually make us laugh out loud ! if you ', re a big fan of the group  you probably won ', t get enough of what you want  and if you ', re not a big fan  you get too much time devoted to nothing more than " look at us " moments . for the right crowd  the " music video " sequences will be the highlights of the film  but for others  they will serve as three - minute lulls in a hectic - but - overall - uneventful storyline . other key actors include richard e . grant as clifford  the spice girls ', manager  alan cumming as the film - maker piers cutherton - smyth who attempts to make a documentary of the group  george wendt as martin barnfield  a producer who constantly works on pitching a spice girls movie  and roger moore in a small  self - parodizing role . all provide relatively good performances  keeping in mind once again that this film wasn ', t meant to be acted seriously . even meat loaf shows up as dennis the bus driver and seems to have fun with it . while this film is continuously compared to the beatles ', a hard day ', s night  i think that is an unjust comparison . it is supposedly the movie studio that first mad the comparison by way of press kits  but i don ', t think drector bob spiers  nor the spice girls  intended it to be so . i think the studios were just trying to boost hype and interest in the film  and have instead  come off rather pretentious . i don ', t think this film is trying to be anything more than a fun  satirical look at a group that got so big  a movie seemed the next likely step . and what could ', ve been better than a self - indulged yet self - mocking approach ? probably nothing  and so it is . spiceworld is a movie i thought would be embarrassing to enjoy  but now instead  i find myself wanting to defend a movie i didn ', t even give a good review . it ', s bad  but it succeeds in every way it intended . it gives the spice girls a chance to play while allowing all those obsessive fans out there to indulge in every brainless moment . perhaps the group is nothing more than a gimmick . if that ', s the case  the movie ', s gimmick is that it * is * such a gimmick ! you might be saying  " a spice girls movie ? come on ! "  but when it comes down to it  i think that ', s the point .
neg we could paraphrase michelle pfieffer ', s character in dangerous minds and say that beyond rangoon starts with an " a . " that ', s fair enough . all movies  like all school children  should be given the benefit of the doubt . the chance to succeed . after all  we like to think that the right combination of talent and effort can do wonders . mountains can be moved  and good movies can be made . yeah right . children fail  as do films . as does director john boorman ', s latest . the success of beyond rangoon hinges on the believability of patricia arquette ( ed wood  true romance ) as the busty westerner - in - peril wandering about 1988 burma without a passport . though we can stomach the mild plot contrivances that get her there  it ', s a tougher task to overlook the actress . she ', s a lightweight . as the first scene ( with narration ! ) demonstrates  she doesn ', t have * nearly * enough range for the emotions that her character -- a mother fleeing the memories of a murdered husband and son -- is supposed to show . she may give a stronger performance than  say  keanu reeves in a walk in the clouds  by not by much . beyond rangoon is a very physically appealing film  thanks to the practiced craftsmanship of john boorman ( deliverance  excalibur  hope and glory ) . he keeps the narrative moving  no matter how muddy the story -- or the heroine -- gets . why he chose arquette remains a mystery  though . maybe he was thinking that the dramatic weight of the story would overcome any casting deficiencies . but even after an hour of half - stated political statements and murky mass killings  we * still * don ', t know enough of what ', s happening in this country to feel distressed for the characters or their situations . empty exoticism . the technical credits in beyond rangoon are a curious mix  combining lush jungle photography with bad blue - screen work . also odd is the obvious dubbing . done to make some of the foreign characters sound less foreign ? and  is it my mistake  or do the same extras keep reappearing as different soldiers ? ? doo doo doo doo . [ " twilight zone " theme  or opinion of movie . you be the judge . ]
neg i think that saying that the x - files is one of this summer ', s most anticipated films is safe . for five years  " the x - files " television show has developed a dedicated fan culture  whose rabid devotion to the series rivals that of " star trek " fans . the premise of both the movie and the television series is two fbi agents who investigate the paranormal ; fox mulder ( david duchovny ) is the avid believer whose quest to find the truth about extraterrestrial life borders on the paranoid  and dana scully ( gillian anderson ) is the scientific skeptic trying to find a rational explanation to mulder ', s flights of fancy . outlining the plot of the x - files movie is virtually impossible  since to be general would result in confusion  yet to be specific would give too much away . nevertheless  i will try . " the black ooze  " and extraterrestrial  virus - like substance is threatening earth . a " shadow government " is aware of this  but tries to cover - up the alien existence . mulder and scully know " the truth is out there  " and so try to expose both the invasion and the cover - up . there are three central questions i have heard asked about this movie : 1 . will those who don ', t watch the series be able to understand the movie ? yes . isolated as an individual text  the x - files can stand alone . they have given enough background for anyone  familiar with the show or not  to understand the movie . although some of the secondary characters ', histories may confuse the uninitiated  those characters are not essential to the film . this is a major problem : they trot out token secondary characters from the series out for an appearance and then disappear just as quickly . why bring superintendent skinner into the picture in the first place  and then have him sat silently on an fbi internal affairs committee ? why bring in " the lone gunmen  " three computer geek conspiracy theorists  for an even briefer appearance ? these characters are recurrent on the series  and their appearance in the film was met with whoops from the audience ( suggesting their popularity among fans - actually most of the audience could pass for " the lone gunmen " ) . still  then they vanish just as quickly . 2 . the television show never gives us any answers . will the movie actually explain some things ? yes . in the x - files we get a fairly complete history of " the black ooze  " what it is and what it wants . we finally get some understanding of the motivations behind the " shadow government . " there are even some subtle tie - ins with contemporary ufo - ology  including the " greys " and the roswell crash of 1947 . 3 . is the movie any good ? no . the x - files is a dreadful movie and shows some fundamental problems with writer / creator chris carter ', s talents and the relationship between cinema and television . first off  the screenplay by series creator chris carter is sloppy and cliched . after approximately forty - five minutes ( the length of a television episode minus the commercials )  the pace drops to a snail ', s crawl . not long after that point  when carter attempts to answer some questions we have had about the series  we wish he had not . the explanations are so trite and ridiculous that one would have preferred it had carter not explained quite so much . i am willing to suspend my disbelief a fair bit  but the absurdity carter wants me to swallow was just too much . breaking the suspension of disbelief destroys the movie - and listening to other fans leave the cinema  maybe the series too . the explanations are not only absurd  they are tired and unoriginal . the extraterrestrials breed and gestate like those from the alien series  and their craft looks like a leftover set piece from independence day . note that the alien movies  id4  and the x - files are all from 20thcentury fox - a studio that is beginning to cannibalize itself i think . the x - files is noteworthy for being the only movie based on a television series to be produced while the series was still running . in comparing the movie and television series certain aspects of the respective media emerge . the avoidance of the series to answer the questions it raised annoyed and frustrated many people . however  i rather liked that about the series . television allows you to impose as much  or as little  meaning on a show as you want . it is the proverbial " blank screen " which we project our minds on . meaning on television is open and ambiguous ; it is the nature of the medium . cinema  on the other hand  is the opposite . it projects onto us the filmmakers mind . we can  in some films  fill the textual gaps ourselves  but that almost never happens in an american film . meaning  in cinema  needs to be self - contained and determined . so  when the x - files made that jump from small to big screen  carter needed to take into consideration the differences in the medium as well . he did not . by making explicit  what the television show left implicit  carter reveals the limits of his creativity and skill . when they say that " fans " make a tv show  it is not far from the truth . on television  fan culture must impose its meanings on the text because there is nothing there . how true that is when we see the " explicit " x - files - there is nothing there . the following was printed in the st . john ', s express  st . john ', s  newfoundland  canada . all views are the authors  but copyright is held by robinson - blackmore  1998 . & nbsp ; movie review by mikel j . koven & nbsp ; i think that saying that the x - files is one of this summer ', s most anticipated films is safe . & nbsp ; for five years  " the x - files " television show has developed a dedicated fan culture  whose rabid devotion to the series rivals that of " star trek " fans . & nbsp ; the premise of both the movie and the television series is two fbi agents who investigate the paranormal ; fox mulder ( david duchovny ) is the avid believer whose quest to find the truth about extraterrestrial life borders on the paranoid  and dana scully ( gillian anderson ) is the scientific skeptic trying to find a rational explanation to mulder ', s flights of fancy . & nbsp ; outlining the plot of the x - files movie is virtually impossible  since to be general would result in confusion  yet to be specific would give too much away . & nbsp ; nevertheless  i will try . & nbsp ; " the black ooze  " and extraterrestrial  virus - like substance is threatening earth . & nbsp ; a " shadow government " is aware of this  but tries to cover - up the alien existence . & nbsp ; mulder and scully know " the truth is out there  " and so try to expose both the invasion and the cover - up . & nbsp ; there are three central questions i have heard asked about this movie : & nbsp ; 1 . & nbsp ; will those who don ', t watch the series be able to understand the movie ? & nbsp ; yes . & nbsp ; isolated as an individual text  the x - files can stand alone . & nbsp ; they have given enough background for anyone  familiar with the show or not  to understand the movie . & nbsp ; although some of the secondary characters ', histories may confuse the uninitiated  those characters are not essential to the film . & nbsp ; this is a major problem : they trot out token secondary characters from the series out for an appearance and then disappear just as quickly . & nbsp ; why bring superintendent skinner into the picture in the first place  and then have him sat silently on an fbi internal affairs committee ? & nbsp ; why bring in " the lone gunmen  " three computer geek conspiracy theorists  for an even briefer appearance ? & nbsp ; these characters are recurrent on the series  and their appearance in the film was met with whoops from the audience ( suggesting their popularity among fans - actually most of the audience could pass for " the lone gunmen " ) . & nbsp ; still  then they vanish just as quickly . & nbsp ; 2 . & nbsp ; the television show never gives us any answers . & nbsp ; will the movie actually explain some things ? & nbsp ; yes . & nbsp ; in the x - files we get a fairly complete history of " the black ooze  " what it is and what it wants . & nbsp ; we finally get some understanding of the motivations behind the " shadow government . " & nbsp ; there are even some subtle tie - ins with contemporary ufo - ology  including the " greys " and the roswell crash of 1947 . & nbsp ; 3 . & nbsp ; is the movie any good ? & nbsp ; no . & nbsp ; the x - files is a dreadful movie and shows some fundamental problems with writer / creator chris carter ', s talents and the relationship between cinema and television . & nbsp ; first off  the screenplay by series creator chris carter is sloppy and cliched . & nbsp ; after approximately forty - five minutes ( the length of a television episode minus the commercials )  the pace drops to a snail ', s crawl . & nbsp ; not long after that point  when carter attempts to answer some questions we have had about the series  we wish he had not . & nbsp ; the explanations are so trite and ridiculous that one would have preferred it had carter not explained quite so much . & nbsp ; i am willing to suspend my disbelief a fair bit  but the absurdity carter wants me to swallow was just too much . & nbsp ; breaking the suspension of disbelief destroys the movie - and listening to other fans leave the cinema  maybe the series too . & nbsp ; the explanations are not only absurd  they are tired and unoriginal . & nbsp ; the extraterrestrials breed and gestate like those from the alien series  and their craft looks like a leftover set piece from independence day . & nbsp ; note that the alien movies  id4  and the x - files are all from 20thcentury fox - a studio that is beginning to cannibalize itself i think . & nbsp ; the x - files is noteworthy for being the only movie based on a television series to be produced while the series was still running . & nbsp ; in comparing the movie and television series certain aspects of the respective media emerge . & nbsp ; the avoidance of the series to answer the questions it raised annoyed and frustrated many people . & nbsp ; however  i rather liked that about the series . & nbsp ; television allows you to impose as much  or as little  meaning on a show as you want . & nbsp ; it is the proverbial " blank screen " which we project our minds on . & nbsp ; meaning on television is open and ambiguous ; it is the nature of the medium . & nbsp ; cinema  on the other hand  is the opposite . & nbsp ; it projects onto us the filmmakers mind . & nbsp ; we can  in some films  fill the textual gaps ourselves  but that almost never happens in an american film . & nbsp ; meaning  in cinema  needs to be self - contained and determined . & nbsp ; so  when the x - files made that jump from small to big screen  carter needed to take into consideration the differences in the medium as well . & nbsp ; he did not . & nbsp ; by making explicit  what the television show left implicit  carter reveals the limits of his creativity and skill . & nbsp ; when they say that " fans " make a tv show  it is not far from the truth . & nbsp ; on television  fan culture must impose its meanings on the text because there is nothing there . & nbsp ; how true that is when we see the " explicit " x - files - there is nothing there .
neg contrary to popular belief  not every single foregin film released to an american market is a masterpiece . some of them aren ', t even good . some examples of this principle are the aboslutely dreadful " un indien dans la ville " ( presented as " little indian  big city  " and remade into that crap tim allen flick  " jungle2jungle " )  and this . what could have been a clever little sex comedy turns into one mess of a french flick . " french twist " ( the " cool " american title  not the real one  which was " gazon maudit  " literally meaning " twisted ground  " or something like that ) deals with a married couple with kids  and the intrusion of a stranger who kinda screws things up for them . loli and alain chabat ( victoria abril and alain chabat ) are not exactly happily married . always on business trips  alain chabat more than once cheats on her  and she eventually finds out . and one day  she meets a butch mechanic  marijo ( the co - writer / director josiane balasko )  and they two kinda hit it off . so she decides she will get back at alain chabat by doing the obvious : sleeping with marijo . but she soons starts to not only fall in love with marijo  but she ', s also realizes she ', s still in love with alain chabat . so  of course  she does the obvious from that : she decides to keep them both . she ', ll be ( and sleep ) with each of them for 3 days each  then on sunday  she ', ll rest by herself . after all  she needs it if she ', s gonna have more sex than sylvia kristel . the film goes on for over an hour and a half  through stupidity after stupidity  moronic twist after moronic twist  and soon there ', s the little ironic ( ! ! ! ) ending . i know it ', s a completely different culture  and i ', m quite familiar with the french and their cinema  but this is just bad . none of the characters are more intelligent than peter stormare in " fargo " ( a movie where stupid characters were backed up to make a point )  and any action they do is pretty much just to get a hopeful chuckle from the audience . what ', s shocking is this was not only one of france ', s biggest hits  but it was nominated for a lot of cesars ( french equivalent of oscars ) . the writing and directing is really the big problem with it . josiane balasko does a good acting job with her role  but her little sex comedy isn ', t very humerous  entertaining  or even deep at all . even woody allen ', s not - very - good " a midsummer night ', s sex comedy " is intelligent  well - written  and possesses some depth . this is shallow  unfunny  and pretty annoying to watch . the film moves at the pace of a snail  and is damn - near painful to watch . thank god for the fast forward button . the acting  however  isn ', t bad at all . the actors do the best they can with the bad material  and victoria abril is pretty likable despite the script ( and the fact that she ', s stupid enough to try to divide herself over two people when she has kids ) . and alain chabat has some funny moments as the neurotic husband . but " french twist " is just pretty lame . it ', s not overly horrible  and has a couple very  very  very brief moments . but it ', s just a really crap film  and an example of an ill - advised distribution of a foreign film .
neg i can see a decent sports movie struggling to break free of oliver stone ', s ` any given sunday ', . it ', s an entertaining movie that offers both insight and excitement into the rock - em  sock - em profession of pro football . unfortunately  the director seems to have only one priority on his mind : sprucing up the film with an assortment of fancy camera maneuvers . in altering each frame with quick - flash photography and dizzying  in - your - face editing  stone appears to have completely ignored the matter of plausible character development and football politics . we see glimpses of greatness  but ` any given sunday ', has its agenda all tangled in technical gobbledy - gook . it grows tiresome and monotonous . yes  stone has pulled a brian depalma . matters of importance are pushed aside right from the get - go . tony d ', amato ( al pacino )  coach of the struggling miami sharks  finds his team stuck in a losing rut . aging quarterback cap rooney ( dennis quaid ) appears to be losing his touch  and d ', amato can ', t seem to ignite any passion in his squad . when cap is injured on the field  and after a patch of unlikely events occur  third - string qb willie beaman ( jamie foxx ) is brought into the game . once in the huddle ( and this becomes an in - game ritual )  beaman horks all over the field . nerves  you see . eventually though  the ancy youngster wins the game for his teammates  sparking his rise to fame in the football world - the endorsements  the music videos  etc . - and stone straps us in for the jolting ride of behind - the - scenes stress and fury that the business is apparently like . and i believe it . there is some intriguing insight posed  but in the big scheme of things  stone fumbles the ball . the problem with the director ', s visual approach is this : he uses extravagant editing devices when a more conventional approach would have been appropriate . football is an exciting game to watch  but stone seems to think dizzying the audience with an assault on the senses will only add to the adrenaline rush . i guess he is mistaken . ` any given sunday ', is a visual kaleidoscope that leaves the audience in a frustrated stupor more frequently than it excites them . many football fans ( including one i attended with ) are liable to be disappointed with the ` ultra - stylish ', way stone has decided to present the game . in return  a three - star film becomes unfortunately degraded due to the director ', s tampering . in welcome scenes when the visual pummeling comes to a break  this actually shows decent character development and interaction . for instance  heated returns between d ', amato and feisty young owner christina pagniacci ( cameron diaz ) are enjoyable to watch . there is also a solid performance from jamie foxx  who experiments with great success in his first trek into dramatic territory . the stellar supporting cast includes matthew modine  aaron eckhart  lauren holly  ann - margret and charlton heston ( in an extraordinarily brief appearance ) . unfortunately  too many big names are wasted - a typical demise for a film with such a large and experienced cast . pacino makes some interesting progress with his character . you begin to identify with coach d ', amato and the morals he is striving for . . . . but i often felt he was just another play thing stone could weave in and out of his editing dynamics . ` any given sunday ', is a watchable but disappointing sports film in which plot and characters take a back seat to excessive filmmaking technique . and a very distant back seat  at that .
neg this well - conceived but ultra sugary coming - of - age film is not for everyone  and i include myself as one of those who found it too sappy for my digestion . joseph cross ( joshua beal ) is a 10 - year - old who is saddened by the recent loss of his grandfather ( loggia ) to bone marrow cancer . loggia is wonderful in relating to the child in such a wholesome manner  it almost saves this film from drowning in syrup . the beals are like a sitcom idyllic family  where everyone is just so nice and affluent  and properly religious without being fanatical . the beals  the father ( denis leary ) and his wife ( dana delany )  are both successful doctors ; julia stiles plays joshua ', s older sister  needling her younger brother but also showing that she really cares about him . this is a family seemingly conceived in heaven  but living in south philadelphia  sending their children to a well - run catholic school . joshua  the protagonist and the narrator of this yarn  is a handsome  sweet  intelligent  friendly  and endearing child  who does well in school  relates to the nuns and priests  and talks politely to his well - meaning parents . all this mawkish interplay makes it almost too nauseating to watch . the plot arises when joseph has a problem coping with the death of his beloved grandfather  who promised to be with him forever . his answer is to search for god  pretty heady stuff for a youngster his age to do  but that ', s just the way it is  sometimes . this search for god takes us nowhere because  as his friend david ( reifsnyder ) says  where can you look for him if he doesn ', t exist . now  that ', s a smart kid . but joseph looks for him in the usual places  and what better place than to start in the parochial school he attends . one of his teachers is the kind - hearted sister terry ( rosie o ', donnell )  who wears a philly baseball hat and equates the jesus stories with baseball  making him the clean - up hitter  and in my opinion  if she wasn ', t a big tv star  would have a vocation as a parochial school teacher  she is that convincing . throughout the film  she is saved from answering any tough ( sic ! ) question about god by the bell  as it rings to end the class . nothing much happens in the search for god  there is no parody of the catholic school ; though a visiting cardinal is found by the boy not to be able to talk to god  but this is gentle stuff  no real criticism or search for god is attempted . what comes next into play is some hollywood hokum  which is designed not to upset anyone  as joseph has a reassuring encounter with a real  live angel  a blond little boy his own age and dressed like him in the catholic school uniform who wears the innocuous smile of a goody - goody . the film ends as this angel ( ! ! ! ) tells him his grandfather is all right . his quest is ended  as apparently angels don ', t have wings and are approachable ; and god  well  . . . maybe that ', s for another film down the road . this part of the film was the final straw for me  i couldn ', t swallow any more goo . as this film flopped commercially  his next one  the sixth sense  pared down the schmaltz and came up smelling like a rose . though if you look through the cleverness of both scripts  this director is loaded with hokum  all he has learned how to do  is hide the hokum better . well  god bless him  if he can do that . this is a nice family picture and there is room for it in hollywood . it ', s just too bad that it had nothing relevent or even truthful to say about death  children in a parochial elementary school  or for that matter  about god . and that family of his  they ', re too good for words . yet the film meant well and its benign message had its heart in the right place . for those who want to see something soft  without a bite to it  this is the one .
neg " battlefield earth " is the best comedy of the year . it has to be . the other prospect is just too horrifying to consider . bad movie syndrome struck me again  so after witnessing how much " battlefield earth " has been proclaimed a train wreck in both critical and popular circles  i felt the masochistic urge to see the disaster first - hand . is it as bad as advertised ? oh yes  very much so . the plot is incomprehensible . the acting is atrocious . the special effects are mediocre . the action is dull . the implausibilities are legion . the dialogue is cringe - inducing . the whole package is funny when it wants to be serious and irritating when it wants to be funny . i don ', t even want to continue reviewing this movie ; i ', d like to purge the atrocity from my mind as soon as possible  but you probably want to read my thrashing in all its sarcastic glory  so here it is : the premise is basically a rip - off of " planet of the apes  " only minus the apes and philosophical discussion  and plus a race of evil aliens from the planet psychlo . the year is 3000  the psychlos have conquered earth  and the human population has been enslaved . only a handful of humans escaped to radiation - rich areas to escape the aliens ; they live out their lives in fear . one man  johnny goodboy ( i know  i know ) tyler ( barry pepper )  ventures to the outworld and is captured by the psychlos . there he confronts the psychlo head of security : a big  ugly  klingon - looking creature called terl ( john travolta ) . pressed into slavery  johnny vows to lead a revolution and take the planet back . meanwhile  terl is faced with his own problems : he has recently learned that he ', s stuck living on earth ( which he hates ) for the rest of his career because he pissed off his boss by sleeping with the big man ', s daughter . he decides to give johnny knowledge of the psychlo language and technology ( this is where the plot gets ridiculous . . . ) so the " man - animal " can lead a mining expedition into places the psychlos can ', t go . terl then plans to keep the mined gold for himself . of course  his plan doesn ', t work . so many things wrong with this movie -- where to begin ? how about with travolta  whose hollywood clout brought about this  the cinematic version of scientology guru l . ron hubbard ', s sci - fi novel ? early previews for " battlefield earth  " with constant shots of a makeup - laden travolta cackling like lex luthor  had me ( and several audience members ) remarking  " what the hell is travolta thinking ? " the movie did nothing to stem such remarks . all that ridiculous cackling he did in the trailers is in full force here : terl cackles after nearly every line  and so does every other psychlo . of course  this makes every scene hilariously overwrought  no more so than when the script clumsily stumbles into political commentary . the psychlos are probably supposed to be some kind of satire of corporate america  but ceos generally don ', t laugh maniacally after denying pay raises to their employees . ( " you were going to be promoted -- but now you ', re not ! fwahahahahahahahaha ! ! ! ! ! " ) it ', s no big surprise terl loses to the humans -- he ', s an idiot . he breaks every kind of supervillain rule in the book . he underestimates his enemies  assuming he ', ll win just because he ', s smarter . ( he uses the word " leverage " like some sort of scientologist mantra . ) not content to go the james bond villain route of explaining his plans to the hero  he hooks him up to a machine that gives him knowledge of all the psychlos ', language and technology . ( why this machine is even around in the first place is beyond me . ) he then appears shocked that johnny points a gun at him . no wonder this guy never got his promotion . the plot inconsistencies are too numerous to mention . why do the psychlos build an earth base in which both they and the human slaves must wear little breathing apparatuses to survive ? how come the psychlos are wasting their time mining for gold when the doors of fort knox are wide open ? how in the world did all those fighter jets survive sitting in a hangar for 1  000 years ? and how do all these previously brain - dead cavemen learn to fly them so quickly ? there ', s a whole lot more to scratch one ', s head about in " battlefield earth . " bring a scorecard to track the plot holes . director roger christian shoots " battlefield earth " in the most distracting way possible  tilting nearly every shot sideways for no discernible reason . all the characters appear to be standing on the walls  and it ', s awfully difficult to watch a movie when you must tilt your head just to watch ordinary passages of dialogue . the action sequences are atrociously edited  every one turned into an endless slow - motion parade that drains all potential excitement . are these things really so hard to construct ? my respect for supposed " lightweight " action directors has grown by leaps and bounds after witnessing in " battlefield earth " how badly an action sequence can be shot . this movie is an absolute headache . it ', s not just the shot selection and editing ; the movie  quite frankly  makes no sense . for most of " battlefield earth ', s " running time  i just didn ', t know what was happening . it didn ', t have anything to do with me finding the events stupid or illogical ( though they certainly are ) -- i really had no idea what the hell was going on . when i pieced the plot together later  it didn ', t look any better . here ', s how much of a disaster this is : " battlefield earth " is already the worst movie of the year  and it ', s going to take something really  really inept to top it . the only thing we can take comfort in about the film is that no one will be suckered into joining the church of scientology because of it . in fact  i ', d think that hubbard ', s cult would want to distance themselves from this bomb as fast as possible . that ', ll teach me to give into bad movie syndrome again .
neg long time buddies and neil diamond tribute band members wayne ( steve zahn  " happy  texas " ) and j . d . ( jack black  " high fidelity " ) watch in horror as third mate darren silverman ( jason biggs  " american pie " ) disappears under the thumb of his new fiance judith  ( amanda peet  " the whole nine yards " ) a controlling psychiatrist . they ', re doubly troubled when the return of darren ', s ', one and only love ', sandy perkins ( amanda detmer  " final destination " ) returns to their home town but doesn ', t cause a ripple in darren ', s devotion to judith . there ', s only one thing wayne and j . d . can think of doing - they kidnap judith and fake her death in " saving silverman . " written by hank nelken and greg depaul after seeing a friend engaged to the wrong woman  " saving silverman " is directed by ', hit comedy director ', dennis dugan of such films as " big daddy  " " brain donors " and " problem child . " it ', s a dismal  third - rate farrelly brothers rip off that attempts to milk humor from such inspired bits of whimsy as having darren ', s love interest come from a family of circus freaks and be about to become a nun . gross out gags include a visualization of darren getting butt cheek implants . " saving silverman " is almost saved by stars zahn and black . these two are so comically talented they can take bad material and still deliver the goods . they ', re in " animal house " mode while the rest of the film trawls along and comes up empty . jason biggs can attribute his entire career to the luck of having been cast in the smash hit " american pie . " peet shows some physical moves but no flair for comedy here while detmer slaps a brave  sweet smile onto her face and soldiers through . r . lee ermey ( " full metal jacket " ) is one note in an embarrassing performance as a psychopathic ex - football coach . neil diamond appears at the film ', s climax as himself and miraculously enlivens the proceedings by belting out some of his old standards .
neg well if you are up for stellar effects then this is the movie for you . because thats all that there really is . . . . i found that after watching this movie it had many many gaps and flaws in simple logic in the plot . for one thing  a white leading actor who has a black daughter does leave some curiosity . . . . i am not saying that this isn ', t possible . . but it does leave one to wonder . . . i know i did . another thing is that this movie has sections which are painfully stretched out . . . . and certain scenes are repeated essentially but with slight variations . there was one scene that should have been short . . . but it was horribly stretched and somewhere in the middle of it i found myself thinking . . ok enough already get on with it . there are also times where you have to wonder why things happen the way they do . . . things just magically happen and there is no prelude or anything of the sort . . . another thing that i noticed towards the end was that some characters just vanished without a trace but they were fairly major through most of the beginning . this movie is also very predictable . . . you can almost tell the final story somewhere in the middle and you definitely know what will happen at a given moment . . granted this is hard to omit but here its just blatant it sits there and stares at you . also some of the things that happen are a little too predictable and several cliques are repeated . . . it gets boring at times to tell you the truth . . . even though there is still action going on . another little point i might add is that the main character is supposed to be a quiet chaos mathematician not some shoot them up type of hero . some of the characters are not proper for their roles . the acting is fine but the characters just don ', t seem to add up . if i was to base my review totally on the plot then i wouldn ', t rate this movie too highly but that ', s just the thing this movie isn ', t just the plot  its the whole package and this package is really well done . the whole movie is really well done and looks really good and if one was to overlook the flaws in the plot and characters then this is really a movie . the special effects are just amazing  you can ', t tell that the dinosaurs are created it looks like they were there live  in a few instances of course you know its fake but there are other times that you just wouldn ', t be able to say that the creature wasn ', t there during filming  extinct or not . another thing is the destruction scenes . . . wow  those were masterpieces . . well some of them were they were well choreographed and along with the dino ', s make this one of the reasons to see this movie . this movie is fairly long but it is action packed so it should do well in the box office . . unfortunately it will take away from fifth element but alas what can we do . . i may be too cynical for my age but this movie is only worth seeing for the effects and for it few funny moments . . go see it in a matinee if you really must see it its not worth full price if you ask me . one little side note  although my opinion of this movie may not have been the best the way that this movie was marketed and how many theaters it was shown in toronto this opening weekend is nothing short of stupid  there were 10 theater movie theaters that were playing this movie around the clock i think that some people really want money badly . . . . and i think that this type of activity hurts the movie industry let the other movies also have a chance . . . . you know any movie with that much play would succeed even if it was the worst movie ever made . . . . . i thought i ', d put this here to deflate the movie hype about this flick . . . its not that bad a movie but its not that great either hope you people realize this .
neg when a film is produced on a shoestring budget by a couple of hardworking filmmakers and when it tells the story of a genuine tragedy  the easy path for a reviewer who hated the movie is to give it a pass . toss out your usual objectivity  ignore how many times you checked your watch while viewing it  forget how unbearable it was to sit through  and find some meaningless way to compliment it . this  of course  will be of no service to your readers  but at least you ', ll avoid the hate mail from the movie ', s fans . thus it is with a heavy heart that i review the movie paulina ( not to be confused with the recent movie paulie about a talking parrot ) . directed by vicky funari as a labor of intense love - she spent the last one third of her life on film - the movie blends documentary footage with historic and fanciful recreations to relate the bitterly sad and true story of paulina cruz suarez . paulina was a maid in vicky ', s household when vicky was young . i got to learn the film ', s background when i attended a screening in which the two women who made it were present . for those without such context  the reaction to the film may be that it is a parody of a bad indie film . the acting is amateurish  the story is maudlin  and it has all the visual appeal of a bad home movie . grainy and overexposed  the movie  shot on 16mm film and videotape  has little to recommend it . confusingly composed  the movie jumps about jarringly as it tells its story . quite bloody at times  the story  full of horrific images  seems designed to shock and repulse us . why else would you include a scene with a completely nude and bloody 8 - year - old paulina ? another scene has a teenage paulina being fondled on a bus by the man sitting next to her . in retaliation  she bites off part of his finger . this covers the both of them in a bucket of blood . the passengers on the bus then view the girl in their minds as everything from saint to sinner . one  for example  sees her as an aztec priestess holding out a large heart that she had just cut from a body . the lugubrious tale has paulina being raped and beaten . certainly she had to endure a miserable life . but that does not guarantee that a movie about her will necessarily being good . i felt trapped in the theater watching it . only the opportunity to talk with the filmmakers afterwards made the movie bearable . paulina runs 1 : 28 . the film is in spanish with english subtitles . it is not rated but would be an r for violence and nudity and would be acceptable for older teenagers .
neg in this year ', s summer movie preview issue of _entertainment_weekly_  theresa connelly described her writing - directing debut  _polish_wedding_  as " a child that did not quite become the child i thought it would . " one wonders what exactly she originally had in mind for this jumbled film  a comedy - drama that appears doomed at its most basic elements . the family at the center of _polish_wedding_ is the pzoniaks  which consists of mother jadzia ( lena olin )  father bolek ( gabriel byrne )  sole daughter hala ( claire danes ) and four sons of varying degrees of facelessness . it ', s a large family  but there ', s not a sympathetic one in the whole bunch  certainly not in the primary trio . jadzia takes pride in building and maintaining a home and family  but she ', s kind of a hypocrite since she ', s carrying on an affair with a businessman rade serbedzija ) . her excuse for her affair is neglect from bolek  who is such a passive wimp that one cannot connect with his sadness and frustration . also  how could he possibly pay so little attention to the saucy  sexy jadzia ? hala is a spoiled  self - centered high school dropout whose reckless sexual experimentation predictably leads to pregnancy . with such an unappealing set of characters  it ', s no surprise that _polish_wedding_ ', s plot complications are far from involving . naturally  jadzia and bolek would like hala to marry the young cop  russell schuster ( adam trese )  who fathered the child  but he refuses to make such a commitment . ho - hum . another complication  involving the decidedly un - virginal hala being selected to crown a statue of the virgin mary  is first played for laughs and then  inexplicably  as a profound statement in the film ', s climax -- which  ironically  is funnier than any of the film ', s lame attempts at humor  such as a painfully labored slapstick attempt where jadzia leads her sons in a charge to beat up russell . that scene is but one in a number of writing miscues by connelly . the jadzia - bolek conflict is resolved in an overly pat way not unfamiliar to sitcom viewers . the hala - russell conflict isn ', t resolved in as contrived a manner  but their ultimate resolution will leave viewers wondering if they had missed something . and then there ', s some atrocious dialogue  which i am sure was not supposed to be as ridiculous as they sound : " look at all these pickles . just looking at them gives me such great sadness . " as misguided as _polish_wedding_ is  the affair is something of a letdown  considering the strong performances by byrne  danes  and especially the fiery olin . they obviously believed in connelly and her material -- a faith that audiences will be hard - pressed to share .
neg several days after having seen this movie  i ', m still trying to determine what director christopher guest  a man whose sense of humor i usually appreciate  found funny in either the concept or the execution of almost heroes . this is a dreadful motion picture ? a lowbrow example of period piece comedy with terrible production values and an exceptionally poor laughs - to - jokes ratio . there ', s a kind of desperation in the movie ', s approach to humor that reveals the film makers ', uncertainty about how entertaining the material is ; the manic style betrays itself as a last - ditch attempt to hide the flaws of a failed script . the premise doesn ', t sound especially amusing to begin with ? almost heroes tells the tale of two explorers  the effeminate leslie edwards ( matthew perry ) and the uncouth bartholomew hunt ( chris farley )  who are racing lewis and clark on the trip to the american northwest . edwards and hunt are accompanied by the kinds of weirdoes we find in road movies ( albeit of the early - 19th century variety )  including a frenchman named guy fontenot who claims to speak hundreds of languages ( none of which prove to be useful )  a pretty indian maiden who turns into the obligatory love interest  and a bizarre man who suffers a series of debilitating injuries . along the way  the intrepid explorers encounter bears  bald eagles  aging native american warriors  and a conquistador named hildago ( kevin dunn ) who raves about his beautiful hair . the explorers ', trek takes them through forests  across the snow - capped rocky mountains  and over a waterfall . this setup leads to a lot of shouting  a great deal of lunacy  and very few laughs . farley engages in his usual shtick of falling down and bellowing  but  aside from an momentarily diverting confrontation with an eagle  his heart doesn ', t seem to be in it . matthew perry  one of the stars of tv ', s friends ( who had some modest success in the romantic comedy  fools rush in ) is badly miscast . as a foil for farley and an antidote to his runaway energy  perry lacks the necessary edge of the proverbial straight man . i ', m not a big fan of david spade  and i didn ', t like tommy boy  but at least he and farley worked well together . as far as the supporting players go  none of them makes more than a fleeting impression . eugene levy is wasted  and kevin dunn is about as interesting here as he is in godzilla . frankly  it ', s a disappointment to see something this dumb and ugly come from christopher guest  the brilliant comic force behind such films as this is spinal tap  the big picture  and waiting for guffman . although guest gets the costumes right  this nearly - inconsequential success is no substitute for the weak script and unfunny execution . the special effects  such as they are  are execrable . for an example of some really poor blue screen work  look at the scenes where the characters are shooting the rapids ( they ', re obviously getting buckets of water thrown on them ) and where farley is being carried off by an eagle . even though farley didn ', t have the most stellar of acting careers  he doesn ', t deserve the kind of unfortunate epitaph offered by almost heroes . while some of the more outrageous attempts at humor may coax a few guffaws from 12 - year old boys  the level of comedy in almost heroes falls far below the level of sophomoric . farley fans who see this film as a way to say goodbye should be commended for their loyalty  since it takes real stamina to stay seated for the full running length of this cinematic torture session .
neg when i was nine  i started buying the coolest toy figures in my local department store . masters of the universe was the pinnacle of what i was after for action figures : they combined science fiction and fantasy  had cool names like mekanek and stinkor and each came with its own little comic book to read . of course  the animated series produced by filmation remains one of the most wildly successful television products in world history . given the tremendous success of the toys and the cartoon ( not to mention its moderately successful spin - off she - ra : princess of power )  it was inevitable that a production company would put two and two together  come with the result of " trillions " and make a live - action masters movie . let ', s be blunt : masters of the universe is a very bad movie . the story is painfully dull and mind - numbingly cliched ( hands up who * wouldn ', t * guess he - man and skeletor take their fight into the real world ) and is acted out by either incredibly untalented actors ( dolph lundgren as he - man for one ) or good actors ( james tolkan  meg foster ) given such awful characters and dialogue that they can ', t help but seem terrible . it is extremely clear that someone making the movie wanted it to be as good as star wars . we have the alien bounty hunters  the desert skif technology  stormtrooper lookalikes and a musical score so reminiscent of john williams that " deja vu " is too polite a term to use in describing it . " blatant uninspired ripoff " would appear more appropriate . tv fans might want to check out courtney cox ( monica in friends ) and robert duncan mcneill ( lt paris in star trek : voyager )  very early in their careers and not doing to well in them either . so in the face of such mindless sub - mediocrity  is there anything to make masters of the universe worth watching at all ? yes  there is . one incredible good reason . his name is frank langella . langella has always been one of the underrated actors of hollywood  appearing in countless films over the years . here he plays skeletor  the villain of the piece . dressed in opulent black velvet robes and bearing a skull for a face  he is one part darth vader  one part emperor and two parts grim reaper . given this character  langella falls right into it with style and precision . skeletor is believable  interesting and manages to tread the fine line between being a homage to the past and startlingly original in his own right . masters of the universe . i remember loving it when i was eleven . at twenty one it ', s difficult to see why . but  as i said  it is blessed with a superlative villain who makes the entire thing worth the tedium of the remainder . besides  this year marks the film ', s 10th anniversary . watch it with some friends for a good laugh and celebrate .
neg in " gia "  angelina jolie plays the titular character  the first so - called supermodel . and right there you have the biggest hurdle this movie had to overcome ( in my eyes  anyway ) . i just don ', t see how the life of a model is worthy of a two hour film . despite this  i kept an open mind when i began watching the movie . sadly  though  my fears were realized . it ', s just not possible to make an interesting  full - length film about a person who spends their days wearing different clothes . the movie follows the rise and fall of gia ( no last name )  a tumultuous woman who doesn ', t particularly enjoy the world of fashion . she becomes famous more quickly than she can handle  and finds herself hooked on drugs and on a woman she cannot have . the last hour of the film is just one scene after another of gia getting high  losing a job  and going into rehab . this formula is repeated several times  and i really got tired of it . in general  i tend to dislike movies featuring heavy drug use . no because it offends me or anything like that ; it just bores me . quite frankly  i don ', t see the appeal  so when a director shows me a point - of - view shot of a junkie  complete with tipsy camera angles and echoing voices  i am left somewhat unimpressed . the first hour of the film  though  was actually quite engaging . we see gia as she is discovered and moves to new york with her boyfriend . these early scenes were interesting . we ', re shown the fashion world through a newcomers eyes  and it was a perspective i hadn ', t seen before . the movie begins to go downhill  however  once gia becomes an established model . > from that point  i lost all interest in the movie and was counting the minutes before it would end . it all seemed so excessive . fine  so gia had a drug problem  does this really need to dominate the film ? couldn ', t the same effect have been had with a five or ten minute montage of scenes featuring gia experimenting with drugs ? or perhaps this film is meant to be a warning to aspiring models not to get into the drug world . quite possibly  although since i have no desire to become a model  this warning is lost on me . as i stated at the beginning of this review  i simply don ', t see how the life of a model is worthy of a feature - length motion picture . what do they do that warrants a movie ? strut their stuff for thousands of dollars an hour ? i suppose the same could be said about making movies about baseball players  for example  but at least somebody like lou gehrig led an interesting life . gia did not . and by the end of the film  all i knew about gia for sure was that she hated modelling  was bi - sexual  and was heavily into drugs . not exactly a meaningful contribution to society  as far as i ', m concerned .
neg talk about beating a dead horse ! when home alone was released in 1990  it was a breath of fresh air  and the final box office tally indicated how much audiences appreciated a genuinely - funny family film . the unexpectedly high gross guaranteed a sequel  so  two years later  we were subjected to home alone 2  which might as well have been called clone alone for all of the originality it exhibited . for john hughes  two home alone movies weren ', t enough ? he began recycling the same kinds of villains and situations in almost every movie he was involved with  including a pathetic box office bomb called baby ', s day out  last year ', s live - action 101 dalmatians  and this year ', s flubber . now  inexplicably  hughes has exhumed not only these worn - out plot elements  but the " home alone " name as well . the result ? 1997 ', s worst sequel ( edging out speed 2 and batman and robin )  home alone 3 . by changing the characters  hughes ( who wrote and co - produced the film )  along with his co - conspirator  director raja gosnell  has attempted to inject new life into a series that is way past the point of cardiac arrest . the new kid  alex pruitt  is played by alex d . linz ( one fine day )  and the only thing he has going for him is terminal cuteness . he ', s not half as interesting as macaulay culkin once was . the villains  pale copies of joe pesci and daniel stern  are even less engaging than the pair of idiots in flubber . in home alone 3  there are four of them ( olek krupa  david thornton  lenny von dohlen  and rya kihlstedt )  but all that means is an opportunity for twice as many pratfalls . this time  the kid isn ', t left home alone because his parents have gone on a trip . instead  he has developed a bad case of chicken pox  so he can ', t go to school . his dad ( kevin kilner ) is away on business and his mom ( haviland morris ) has to run errands  so  for the most part  he ', s all by himself during the day . through a series of coincidences too irritating to relate  a top secret u . s . air force integrated circuit comes into his possession . it ', s wanted by a gang of four international crooks who intend to break into alex ', s home to retrieve it . the eight - year old  who is wise beyond his years  booby traps the house with all sorts of rube goldberg - type devices designed to humiliate and incapacitate the villains . the movie ', s climax takes place during a raging snowstorm ? only none of the falling flakes looks remotely believable . previously  the most counterfeit - looking snow effects i can remember were in star trek iii . these are far worse . in fact  the production values are so shoddy that there are some scenes in the midst of this near - blizzard when a shining sun can be seen . if it ', s a wonderful life could generate real - looking snow back in the 1940s  why can ', t home alone 3  which has a significantly larger budget and ', 90s technology at its disposal ? there has been an ongoing debate regarding the appropriateness of live - action cartoon violence for young children . home alone 3 will add fuel to the fire . it ', s one thing to see wyle e . coyote flattened by a 10 ton acme weight  but quite another to watch a running lawn mower fall on lenny von dohlen . adults and even older children will recognize that this is obviously fake and intended to be humorous  but what about five and six - year olds ? the level of violence in home alone 3 is extreme ? many of alex ', s schemes are nasty enough to kill . but  because this is a " family film  " no one dies  despite being electrocuted  falling thirty feet  and getting smacked on the head by a barbell . not only is home alone 3 unnecessary  but it ', s offensive . it ', s an exercise in tediousness  and there isn ', t a genuine laugh to be found from the beginning to the end ( unless  by some strange quirk of fate  you have missed every 1990s movie associated with john hughes  and thus haven ', t seen this stuff before ) . i can ', t imagine anyone with a reasonable attention span being more than momentarily distracted by this pointless adventure . maybe that ', s why the only ones laughing at the screening i attended were still in their thumb - sucking years .
neg conventional wisdom among collectibles retailers is that children ', s items begin to dramatically escalate in price about twenty - five or thirty years after the item was made . that ', s when the kids of that time have jobs  disposable income and a desire to re - visit the awe and wonderment of childhood that has disappeared from their lives . check out the prices of toys from the late sixties and you ', ll find that yogi bear lunch boxes are demanding big bucks . there ', s a heavy nostalgia nowadays for the late sixties and early seventies and nowhere is it more apparent than on the big screen . boomers are now mostly in their forties and fifties and have lived in the work - a - day world for a long time . they ', d like to re - capture some of that fun they remember from days of yore . hollywood seems more than eager to churn out product to help them . directors are zealous to put their stamp on icons from that time . and for the most part they ', re messing it up . " mission impossible "  " lost in space "  " godzilla "  " zorro " . none of these successfully capture the originals . none of these are even good films . you can now add " the avengers " to the list . the british television series began in 1961 . super secret agent john steed ( then - patrick macnee ) and his third partner  emma peel ( then - diana rigg ) are the pair that the american audience fell for . surrealistic and witty  the series fit the mood of the times . the leather - clad rigg probably didn ', t hurt the ratings either . after all it ', s not a coincidence that you can ', t pronounce her character ', s name without " appeal " . now we ', re in the nineties . steed ( now - ralph fiennes ) and peel ( now - uma thurman ) are battling evil genius sir august de wynter ( sean connery ) who is screwing with england ', s weather . that ', s about as much of a plot as we have . there ', s some footage about a lot of other things that either don ', t make sense or make even less sense . we get betrayal for some unknown reason . evil clones appear and vanish and have no connection to the film . remarkably ineffective giant flying robot wasps with machine guns in their belly come from nowhere for no good reason . there ', s a high tech hot air balloon  but i have no idea why anyone ', s in it . the spy agency is run by a man called " mother " who is in a wheelchair and a woman named " father " who is blind . . . at least in some scenes . there ', s probably a reason for all of this  but we ', ll never know it . macnee makes an appearance of sorts . he is the voice for an invisible man whose character goes nowhere in a scene that does nothing . a group of villains sits around a table  all clad in huge pastel - colored teddy bear outfits . at first it ', s humorous to watch the teddies waddle around  but then it becomes goofy . the movie is a medley of clutter  confusion and wrong decisions around every corner . it feels like major portions of the film are missing . the storyline jumps rather than flows . reportedly the film was re - cut several times . this is one of those times where the whole is less than the sum of the parts especially since some of the parts appear to be missing . there ', s one good point where peel is running from one room to another in a house designed by escher . other than that  the effects are second - rate . the weather threat is old hat as are the scenes of huge tornadoes . thurman almost makes an adequate emma peel but it doesn ', t work . she looks good  dresses in all the right fetish outfits but there ', s no spark . fiennes fares even less well . macnee ', s steed was a witty man of the world with a sense of humor . fiennes ', agent comes across as a dour kid in grown - up clothes who has never been out of his home town . even connery  one of the greatest living actors  doesn ', t have much of a presence outside of a few fiery scenes . the action scenes are difficult to follow . director jeremiah chechik ( responsible for the atrocious remake of " diabolique " ) somehow manages to put the camera exactly where it shouldn ', t be . things happen  people move around  but even if  with the utmost effort  you were able to care about any of it  the scenes are bewildering . the primary allure of the original was the interaction between the two leads . witty banter and an underplayed sexual tension were a winning combination . admittedly there are a few humorous sexual puns in the film  but there ', s no chemistry and the repartee is anything but clever . one of emma peel ', s first lines of dialog is " rules are made to be broken . " it doesn ', t get any better . advance word alone should have been enough to scare off anyone . the release date was changed several times . connery refuses to promote the film . there was no screening for critics which may have been a good choice for warner brothers . at least this way  they get something of an audience for the first weekend before the news gets out . admittedly i haven ', t seen an episode of the television series for a couple of decades . my guess is that it would be severely dated now . no matter how antiquated it might be  there ', s no doubt that it holds up better than this film is at first viewing . there ', s no reason to waste any part of the last few days of summer inside watching this movie . no reason at all .
neg the following review encompasses two versions of dune : dune : the theatrical version ( 1984 ) runtime : 137 minutes capsule review : cut down to just over two hours by nervous studio executives  the theatrical version of dune is a spectacular mess and may be incomprehensible to those unfamiliar with the book . the film ', s visual splendour  mystical beauty and impressive action scenes only partly compensate for gaping holes in the narrative . dune : the extended version ( 1988 ) runtime : 189 minutes capsule review : a bit of a throw - together assembled by mca tv special projects for cable television . it was disowned by director david lynch but it ', s considerably closer to his original vision by virtue of its improved characterisation and clearer storyline . quality dubs of this version from the out - of - print japanese laserdisc release are available from various dealers on the world wide web . * * * the review * * * released in 1984 and made on a then mammoth budget of $ 40 million  the film of frank herbert ', s cult novel dune was eagerly awaited by sci - fi fans . director david lynch ( blue velvet  eraserhead  twin peaks ) was working on his biggest production to date  a mammoth undertaking filmed under trying conditions on location in mexico . the screenplay was lynch ', s own  chosen after the script submitted by original author herbert was rejected . dune is set in a universe ruled by powerful families overseen by a successive line of emperors . the key to cosmic power is the planet arrakis ( dune )  a windswept desert planet that ', s home to giant sandworms and the precious spice melange . the spice is the most valuable commodity in the universe . it extends the life and expands the consciousness of those who consume it . most importantly  it allows the navigators of the spacing guild ( once human but now hideously mutated ) to " fold space " and navigate their spacecraft across mammoth distances instantaneously  enabling interstellar commerce and trade to flourish . lynch ', s film by necessity excises parts of the book while retaining the story ', s two main strands . one is the long - standing rivalry between two families  houses atreides and house harkonnen  and their battle for lucrative mining rights on arrakis . the second strand is the emergence of young paul atreides as the reluctant messiah long - awaited by the natives of arrakis  the fremen . the deeply religious fremen want control over their homeworld  and young paul may be the fulfilment of their prophecy that a man would come from the outer worlds and lead them to freedom . unfortunately  this epic story unfolds in a confusing and haphazard manner in the theatrical cut of the film  which runs 30 to 60 minutes shorter than what lynch originally intended . the thinking among universal ', s oh - so - wise money men was that films over two hours in duration were not popular with audiences at the time and would not do well at the box office . with lynch ', s initial cut running at closer to three or more hours  the studio demanded that further cuts be made . what a great idea ! why not trim down an already complex film so as to make it almost incomprehensible ? the most glaring consequence of this one - eyed stupidity is a hopelessly jumpy narrative  leaving us with badly underdeveloped characters . thus their personalities are vague  their motivations unclear and  in the case of paul ', s father duke leto  their demise rather meaningless . the end result is a distinct chill : we can ', t warm to most of the cast and we don ', t care much for them . and it hardly helps that the voice - over narration is sparse and that the dune - esque language and terminology sounds like so much gobbledegook to those unfamiliar with the book . dune is also a very serous film . the constant " self - talk " by various characters makes it so serious and self - absorbed at times that you may find it hard not to wince with embarrassment . the overall impression is a world full of people so intense that no one is allowed a joke lest the universe come crashing down around them . humour - or at least a gentle kind of humour as distinct from the harkonnen ', s mad  sadistic kind - is hard to find . you may balk at the comparison  but as a writer lynch could well have done with some lessons from george lucus ', star wars trilogy . the theatrical version is still some way from being a complete disaster  however . it still possesses enough of lynch ', s stylistic quirks and enough visual invention to sustain the interest of viewers with a taste for imaginative sci - fi . special effects whiz carlo rambaldi ', s giant sandworms are an awesome sight . both the production design ( anthony masters ) and costume design ( bob ringwood ) are striking and original . and the magnificent score by toto and brian eno is one of the most underrated soundtracks of the last twenty years . with these elements in place and the benefit of freddie francis ', lush cinematography  the film is at least a feast for the senses . see it in the widescreen format if you can . and despite all the cuts  several cast members still make a strong impression  most notably kenneth mcmillan as the supremely nasty baron vladimir harkonnen . sian phillips also registers strongly as the reverend mother gaius helen mohiam  leader of the bene gesserit religious order who ', s secret aim is to manipulate paul ', s destiny for its own shadowy ends . as paul atreides  the young kyle maclachlan starts off somewhat shakily  but as his character grows in strength so does his performance and he emerges as a credible leader of the fremen crusade . the conclusion ? any assessment of this film must take into account that frank herbert ', s original novel is a complex piece of work and presents a tough challenge for any filmmaker . david lynch took a brave stab at it and  partly due to forces beyond his control  ended up with an officially released version that fails in several key respects . dune certainly confused and frustrated a lot of people on its release . many chose to stay away altogether  as the film ', s disastrous box office showing attests . the extended version  however  is a rather different beast . in 1984 lynch stated his intention to release his own special edition " director ', s cut " of the film on home video  a clear indication of his dissatisfaction with the version that ended up in the theatres . but  alas  he failed to do so  choosing to move on to other projects . in a way  then  it is partly lynch ', s own fault that what appeared instead was an unauthorised extended version  put together in 1988 by mca tv special projects for airing on cable networks in the usa . stung into action  lynch successfully petitioned the director ', s guild to take his name off the credits and replace it with " allen smithee "  the standard pseudonym for directors who wish to disown their own work . he also had the screenwriting credit changed to the anonymous " judas booth " . certainly  looking at the results of mca ', s handiwork there ', s at least half a dozen instances that  for sheer technical sloppiness  are good enough reasons for the director to object . but these gripes must be considered in light of the improvements that the extended cut of dune offers in several crucial areas . most of the changes involve the restoration or extension of cut scenes and the addition of extra narration  both of which fill many holes in the original version ', s storyline . paul ', s relationship with his father and associates is more intimate  with moments of humour and warmth lacking previously . the political skulduggery involving the emperor  the spacing guild  the bene gesserits and the two warring houses is far better explained . paul ', s initiation into the fremen way of life on arrakis is also fleshed out considerably . and as further background  a new prologue has been added featuring narration and painted stills to give us a brief history of the dune universe . as a piece of storytelling  then  mca tv ', s version of dune is clearly superior . as a piece of editing  however  it is at times surprisingly inept . the use of painted stills in the new prologue works well enough  but their occasional appearance once the action begins is inappropriate . there ', s some sloppy cutting  too  and in a few instances shots even appear out of order . and the use of repeated footage to fabricate certain scenes ( eg . ships coming and going  soldiers coming and going ) is at times clearly out - of - context . this is the kind of thing to which lynch objected  and rightly so . it should also be noted that several questionable scenes and shots from the theatrical version were deleted to satisfy the censorship demands of u . s . television . but the most notable omission is a gratuitous piece of nonsense from lynch that wasn ', t even in herbert ', s book . the scene features baron harkonnen killing a beautiful young man in front of his slobbering henchmen by pulling out his " heart plug " . its a surreal and disturbing episode that ', s very lynch - esque but adds nothing to what we already know : the baron is a nasty piece of work . despite its own peculiar flaws  then  the extended version of dune is a generally superior film . all up  it contains 35 minutes of restored footage and approximately another 15 minutes of either altered  fabricated or newly created sequences . unless the idiosyncratic lynch has a sudden change of heart  the " alan smithee " version remains the closest we ', ll get to what the movie should have been . on repeated viewings  one suspects it is closer than what lynch would be prepared to admit . still  as one of this century ', s great science - fiction novels  some fans and perhaps the late herbert himself would argue that dune deserved a better fate in its transfer to the screen . with rumours circulating of a new six hour mini - series planned by production company new amsterdam entertainment in 1998  it is unlikely that we have heard the last of the dune saga .
neg in 1970s  many european intellectuals  especially those on the left political hemisphere  became obsessed with the rise of fascism . which wasn ', t so hard to expect  because the social turmoil of 1960s and economic decline of 1970s seemed to be the breeding ground for many dangerous ideologies . in such times  when political involvement could be associated with noble passion  many filmmakers tried to warn the present generations of dangers that lurk ahead by giving the look of pre - war europe and circumstances that led to phenomena like fascist italy and nazi germany . of course  there were authors who jumped on the bandwagon for other  less noble reasons . for them  moral depravity of fascism could be explained to the audience by explicitly showing sexual depravity of those era . which  naturally  made some of those films very popular among teen audience . one of such filmmakers was italian director tinto brass  who later made career shooting expensive  stylish soft porn . salon kitty  his 1976 film  is very losely based on the novel by peter nordern  book that deals with bizarre yet true story that took place in the first years of ww2 . in 1939  walter schellenberg  one of the heads of nazi intelligence service has set up the elite  exclusive brothel in berlin with clientele comprised of top nazi officials and foreign diplomats . none of the customers knew that the girls were all nazi agents  and that all the rooms happened to be bugged . the most bizarre thing is the fact that not even kitty  nominal madame of the brothel  didn ', t know the real purpose of that enterprise . screenplay by tinto brass  of course  simplifies the story and changes few names . schellenberg is now wallenberg ( helmut berger )  ambitious nazi official who wants to use the brothel in order to blackmail his way to the top . kitty kellerman ( ingrid thulin )  apart from being madam  has a second job as a cabaret singer . caught in the net of depravity is sweet  innocent girl margerithe ( theresa ann savoy ) thrown into brothel . there she falls in love with customer hans reiter ( bekim fehmiu )  disenchanted pilot of luftwaffe . when margerithe discovers that her lover had been executed for defeatist speeches he made in the brothel  she finds out that the place is bugged . she informs the madam of the real situation  and both women decide to confront wallenberg . those who tend to bash benigni for exploiting holocaust as the topic of comedy would probably go bananas watching this film  that uses the darkest pages of european history for cheap sexploitation . but  although salon kitty doesn ', t happen to be anything more than rather more stylish and expensive soft porn ( although not very successful ; some of supposedly erotic scenes are quite unappealing )  it does try to have more multidimensional characters and even something resembling dramatic conflict - this time between power - hungry and scruples wallenberg and hedonistic womanhood symbolised by kitty . unfortunately  brass seems to overuse other cinematical references  probably thinking that he could repeat the successful interaction of berger and thulin in luchino visconti ', s the damned  but the most noticeable and irritating is ingrid thulin ', s unsuccessful attempt to imitate lisa minelli ', s musical numbers from cabaret . all in all  salon kitty is failure  although with some very interesting moments .
neg dr dolittle ( 20th century fox ) running time : 1 hour 25 minutes starring eddie murphy directed by betty thomas riding high on the success of the nutty professor ( 1996 )  murphy returns in this abysmal comedy . he plays doctor john dolittle  who as a child had the ability to understand animals . however  after being ', exorcised ', he loses this ability  and we fast forward to see dolittle in a crummy job surrounding by crummy people ( most notably dr mark weller  played by oliver platt . ) however  with a bonk on the head his ability to understand animals returns  and ', comedy ', is ready and waiting to happen . except comedy never does happen . doctor dolittle  even with the excellent premise  rarely manages to raise a laugh . poor old murphy looks bored stiff throughout the whole movie  and his performance suffers . the manic murphy we saw in the 80 ', s is gone  his more mature ( and more boring ) twin appears to be getting all the work in the 90 ', s . the voices of the animals  which include albert brooks  chris rock ( the ', new ', eddie murphy ) and norm mcdonald as ', lucky ', the dog are marginally better  and at least they put enthusiasm in the movie . sadly  most of their lines are pretty dumb . and they ', re not ', funny ', dumb  like dumb & dumber ( 1994 )  but just boring dumb . the film even succumbs to fart jokes halfway through  in a desperate attempt to raise some laughs . there are a few good jokes in the script  but they are few and far between . if i had to choose a favourite performance  it would probably be albert brooks tiger  who has a certain charm about him . sadly  he ', s barely in the movie  and rock ', s really annoying hamster is given far too much screen time . joke wise  we are thankfully  spared the mocking and insulting type of jokes that featured heavily in the nutty professor . the director  betty thomas  has  well  done better films . she bought us private parts ( 1997 ) and the brady bunch movie ( 1995 ) which were  sadly  much better than this . the scenes lack any charm  she just gets the job done . the animals themselves  are reasonable realistic  although most of them are obviously puppets . there ', s an impressive looking tiger  however  and the lip sync is pretty good . you ', d have no problem guessing that most of the close up ', s are puppets  however  with their jilted movement . i was hoping jim hensons workshop  who created the furry friends  would have done a better job . doctor dolittle  in the end  is a disappointment for everyone involved . murphy has done much better movies ( i . e trading places ) the director has seen better days  and even the creatures aren ', t that good . the target audience  aged between 7 - 13  who are undemanding  will probably like it however  thanks to it ', s dumbed down humour . everyone else  however  should give doctor dolittle a miss .
neg the general ', s daughter is a heartless  absurd film  a movie so hopelessly dedicated to its inane plot that it forgets entirely about its own characters . director simon west treats issues like rape and sexual fetish with ham - handed obscenity  creating a film that banks almost entirely on exploitation and offensive pseudo - depth . what ', s worse is that the movie is haphazardly glued together by two characters who are neither interesting nor sympathetic -- the ridiculous story requires them to do unbelievable things in the interest of reaching a dark conclusion in a sudden rain storm . john travolta finds himself in the middle of the mess  playing warrant officer paul brenner ; brenner is assigned to find the murderer and rape of captain elizabeth campbell ( leslie stefanson )  daughter of general joe campbell ( james cromwell ) . brenner is teamed up with ex - spouse sarah sunderland ( madeline stowe )  and they check out all the suspects on the base  including elizabeth ', s mentor  colonel moore ( james woods ) . soon  it becomes apparent that elizabeth was into kinky sexual stuff  but the question comes down to why -- and  of course  who . ebert ', s law of the economy of characters can be applied here ; one interesting thing i noted is that not only are all the characters suspects at some point ( including the two protagonists )  but almost all of them end up directly intertwined with the story . perhaps i should have issued a spoiler alert before mentioning that  but it ', s painfully obvious from the beginning that everyone in the film is hiding something . on a story level  the general ', s daughter is ineptly constructed . the film  adapted by christopher bertolini and william goldman from nelson demille ', s novel ( which was apparently based on a true story )  plods along to its conclusion  filling in the blanks with stale  unrealistic dialogue and " shocking " plot developments . having not read the novel  it ', s difficult to determine if these problems are the fault of the adapters or the original author  but i suppose they all are guilty to some degree . scene after scene stumbles with pointless insincerity ; minutes after finding the dead young woman  brenner and sunderland engage in sarcastic dialogue  which includes endless strings of forced lines . ( sunderland actually asks brenner  " why was she killed ? " to which i would have answered  " if i knew  then the movie would already be over . " ) only after we ', ve spent twenty minutes or so with these characters do we learn that they have a sordid history together ; this angle  though apparently present to develop their characters  is never explored . not that it really matters  since the characters consistently do ludicrous things for no other reason than to drive the plot . in one scene  sunderland is attacked by a man in a mask . she sees one of his rings  and she and brenner find the man later that day based on the ring . instead of questioning him like as they would a real suspect  they take him to brenner ', s houseboat  beat him up  and pour hot coffee in his lap . this scene really pushed me over the edge  not because it ', s gratuitous and mean - spirited  but because it illustrates the film ', s complete disregard for the characters and the audience . it was impossible for me to feel anything for these people beyond this scene  mostly because nothing they do comes as a surprise . i realized that these constructs on screen aren ', t actually characters  but devices present only to serve the story . this would have been bad enough without the west ', s need to hose his movie down in tasteless images of rape and sexual misconduct . compelling films about sexual crimes don ', t spend a lot of time on rape flashbacks  and they certainly don ', t show as much skin and sweat as a typical pornographic picture . these scenes are not the least bit powerful ; on the contrary  they ', re intended simply to provide the audience with the necessary resentment for the villain  whomever that may turn out to be . in addition  the movie treats sexual fetishes -- and sadomasochism in particular -- as if it ', s a perversion of everything we know to be pure . this standpoint is certainly allowed  but only in accompaniment with well - developed themes to back it up . as it is  the film forgets that a lot of people have sexual fetishes  and that putting on a pair of handcuffs does not make a person insane . perhaps the only positive elements in the general ', s daughter are a couple of the performances . james woods has a few terrific scenes  and plays his role with sharp  witty subtlety . i also liked james cromwell  mostly because he comes across as slightly sympathetic despite the obvious intent of west to make him villainous . nonetheless  these performances are undermined entirely by the dreary  obligatory atmosphere and the senseless neglect of characterization . the general ', s daughter is the worst kind of hollywood film -- it pretends to have a soul  to be of strict moral code  when in fact it has nothing more than a group of cardboard cut - outs force - feeding the audience a toxic landfill of plot contrivances and one - sided moral judgments .
neg disney ', s " air bud " tells a boy - and - his - dog story with a twist -- the pooch is quite an accomplished basketball player . granted  for a family comedy  it ', s not a very funny or successful idea to begin with  but it doesn ', t seem to matter -- " air bud " is surprisingly solemn . save for occasional moments of forced slapstick  the movie wags its tale with a straight face -- not a very enjoyable approach . if " air bud " had realized its own absurdity  then it possibly could have been better . here  we ', re actually asked to cheer a moment when the dog marches out to save the big game  clad in two pairs of sneakers and even a jersey . its number ? k9 . yeah  whatever . the movie opens as golden retriever buddy ( as himself ) escapes from his current owner  abusive clown - for - hire norm snively ( michael jeter ) . he ends up in fernwell  washington  where mopey new - kid - on - the - block josh ( kevin zegers ) is trying to cope with the move and the recent death of his father . buddy  kevin . kevin  buddy . once the dog proves his on - court prowess  kevin ', s self - esteem rockets . they both win places in the school ', s basketball team  with the animal as their mascot . but before they can make it to the finals  snively surfaces to reclaim buddy . everything plays out just as one would think : heavy on predictability  light on an actual story . the movie follows a calculated chain of events -- kevin ', s gloom fades  snively gets his comeuppance and buddy contracts rabies and must be executed old yeller - style . okay  that last one ', s a lie  but at least it would have been a quicker send - off than " air bud " ', s courtroom climax -- no joke ! there ', s even a faux - cute musical montage where a reluctant buddy gets cleaned - up to " splish splash . " paint cans are spilled and newspapers are buried  all in the name of formula . the end credits note that " no special visual effects were used in the basketball sequences of this motion picture . " that very well may be true  and although to see a dog sink shots is quite a sight  a movie cannot exist on feat alone . but " air bud " doesn ', t seem to be interested in anything else . a friend of mine insists he saw buddy a while back on a segment of david letterman ', s " stupid pet tricks . " i can ', t think of a more appropriate connection -- this movie is a stupid pet trick .
neg a few months before the release of star wars episode 1  the phantom menace  20th century fox decides to release another space film  that is a complete rip off of star wars . what is the point of this ? i do not know  but i wish it hadn ', t been done  considering wing commander is definitely the year ', s worst film so far . to attract people to this horrible movie  they attached the full trailer for the phantom menace . wing commander will draw large crowds  because this is the only film where you can find the phantom menace full trailer attached at this time . the trailer for the phantom menace was certainly the best part of the movie experience i had tonight . many people do not know that wing commander is based on a star wars computer game . i found this very interesting  considering this fact almost says that wing commander is a star wars movie . it is nowhere near the level of the star wars films though . freddie prinze jr . stars in the film as christopher blair . wing commander was a huge mistake for freddie . this was definitely his worst performance to date . after january ', s she ', s all that  i actually saw a good actor in freddie  but now all those visions have been crushed . ( for now anyway . ) christopher blair is a pilot who is a part of the battle to stop the kilrathi  a group that is trying to destroy the earth . blair ', s parents also fought in the space battles  and also died there . his parents were pilgrims  so many people disrespect him because of this . blair is under the command of " angel "  played by saffron burrows  and he is friends with another pilot  todd " maniac marshall "  played by matthew lillard . matthew lillard seems to play the same role in every movie  and he does in this one too . his character as stu in 1996 ', s scream ( a + )  was a great one  but now  it seems like that same role is being played again  only in a space movie . the three are just a small part of a large group trying to stop the kilrathi before they take over earth . this plot is very flimsy  and doesn ', t give a whole lot to work with at all . this explains why wing commander drags on  seeming like there is no point to any of the events that are going on . the acting is horrible in wing commander . many lines seem out of place  and are completely meaningless . the acting and dialogue was so terrible  i even found myself laughing at it . the other things which are very bad about wing commander are the special effects and the music . the special effects are very unrealistic . when looking at two ships flying side by side  it is simple to tell they are hanging and a blue screen is behind them . the explosions look very unrealistic as well . a ship will be blown up  but there will only be fire present four about one half of a second . this is very unrealistic . music pretty much accompanies the film the entire time . the music also felt like video game music  and it was very corny and annoying sounding . after we are given the plot  the film repeats itself for another hour  without any plot twists  interesting scenes  or anything important to the film . blair is forced to make jumps over other planets  and he must also fight against the kilrathi aircraft . for the entire length of the movie  it takes place in space . it is truly like you are in a video game  because you are just watching people shoot at each other in ships for a long  extended period of time . it ', s not much fun to watch at all . if i wanted to watch people shoot at each other in ships  i would go watch star wars at home . at least star wars pays attention to people  myth  feelings  and has some real plot to it . the bottom line - bring on the phantom menace 20th century fox !
neg bad movies described as " a swift descent into sinful pleasure  decay  and debauchery " are hard to watch . bad 2000 ', s movies that resemble bad 1980s films are even harder to watch . shadow hours falls into the latter category  a mish - mashed train wreck of b - movie actors ( including michael dorn  aka star trek ', s worf )  an uninteresting plot  vain attempts at capitalizing on the " underground " scenes of seedy los angeles  and really  really bad directing and horrendous music video - esque ballistic editing that was taught to me in film school right before i decided to drop out . the film revolves around the life of michael holloway ( balthazar getty ) who is trying to restart his life with his one - dimensional wife chloe ( rebecca gayheart ) after a nasty bout of drug and alcohol addictions . michael takes a job of working the graveyard shift at the local gas station and is bombarded by the ugliness and weirdness of the nightlife of l . a . one night  he meets a strange gent named stuart ( mr . buckaroo banzai  peter weller ) . he drives a porsche  smokes french cigarettes  and drones on about life  eventually coaxing mike into exploring the " underbelly " of l . a . together  a tour of punk bars  s & m clubs  and bare - knuckle fights . the film then throws in a murder mystery with a cop played peter greene  acting like he wants to get the chance at a reprisal of his role in the mask 2 . the film then simply dissolves into a cheap rip - off of dante ', s inferno mixed with an old stephen j . cannell television pilot . the pace of the film is jarring and utterly without focus . other horrors include the endless montages of people pumping gas and the charlie sheen  johnny depp  richard grieco - esque acting of balthazar getty . peter weller clearly knows his career is completely gone and doesn ', t give two shits about it . and after the cheap exploitation of bondage clubs  dance clubs  and brothels - damn  isn ', t anyone safe any more from the ugly eye of hollywood ! ? way back in 1984  a great but crazy director named abel ferrara made his worse film and called it fear city . shadow hours reminds me of an almost perfect sequel . director / writer : isaac eaton producers : peter alevey  andrea mia  shon greenblatt  balthazar getty starring : balthazar getty  peter weller  rebecca gayheart  peter greene  frederic forrest  brad douriff  michael dorn
neg bruce willis needs to stay away from straightforward action pictures . mercury rising adds to a growing list ( including such stinkers as the jackal  last man standing  striking distance and the last boy scout ) of stale actioners he has headlined . and though mercury rising tries to spice things up by throwing an autistic kid in the mix  it is every bit as stale . art jeffries ( bruce willis ) is your typical tormented fbi agent . you know the type  haunted by his job  yet so good at what he does that even physically assaulting another agent merely gets him a slap on the wrist . enter simon ( miko hughes )  an autistic boy  who  like rain man and all other autistic people  is a savant . he can merely gaze at a super - encrypted message  and  while little computer beeps go off in his head  he can understand what it says . naturally  this talent has brought him to the attention of the federal government . lt . col . nicholas kudrow ( alec baldwin )  an nsa official bubbling over with evil  has spent countless time and money implementing the newest " unbreakable " code  mercury . however  when two of his underlings ( robert stanton and bodhi pine elfman ) publish a mercury - encrypted message in a puzzle magazine as a final test of its effectiveness  simon cracks the code . naturally  this infuriates kudrow  who sends a terminator - like hitman ( l . l . ginter ) to eliminate the security hazard . and that ', s where art jeffries comes in . for some reason that ', s never explained in the film  the fbi is called in to help  and through a series of intricate machinations  art becomes the sole protector of the young autistic boy . in a few unrealistic sequences  he enlists the aid of a stranger  stacey ( kim dickens )  to help out  but she is given very little to do overall . the central concept behind mercury rising is ludicrous . why bother trying to kill the kid . . . i mean  who would know ? it ', s not like the kid ( or anyone else for that matter ) knew he was cracking a government super - cypher . and even if he is eliminated  what does that help ? he ', s already proven that mercury can be broken . there ', s always the chance that someone else would crack it . . . but i guess without a kid in jeopardy  there ', s not much of a movie here . for all its faults  the film actually starts relatively well ( once you pass the painfully familiar teaser ) . the film flirts with developing real characters  and a semblance of a plot . . . then mr . terminator the hitman appears and everything begins going downhill . . . quickly . miko hughes does a decent job  for his age  at creating a touching performance . however  don ', t go to this film looking for any new insights into autism ( not that many people will ) . instead he merely becomes the latest unique partner in a routine buddy - cop movie ( think cop and a half . . . with a twist ! ) willis and baldwin are just overplaying to type . rather than creating a nuanced character  baldwin simply oozes sliminess . and for willis ', part  he simply recycles the stock role of the loner cop / fbi agent ( which he has honed in the die hard series ) . as almost an afterthought  about halfway through  the film carelessly gives him a character trait ( an addiction )  and then drops it in the next scene . but the biggest problem with mercury rising is the screenplay . this film wasn ', t well thought out at all . the film goes to extraordinary lengths to pad in as many convenient coincidences as possible . the carbon paper scene alone is unworthy of the most gullible audience member . at first the bad scenes just trickle in  but by the gruesomely bad finale they ', re a veritable flood . the film ', s few decent moments come in the form of bad jokes ( mainly from the geeks who developed the supercode ) . but they ', re not nearly enough to make the film worthwhile . mercury rising is a thriller that you ', re more likely to groan at than cheer .
neg capsule : godawful " comedy " that ', s amazingly shabby and cut - rate  and rather bereft of laughs . i was having a bad week in my life when i saw austin powers : international man of mystery . i desperately needed something to cheer me up  or at least distract me so i could get a clear head . get some perspective . even dumb movies can do that for me  sometimes . i tried hard not to let my dejection affect my judgment  but i am certain now that austin powers would have also sucked rocks through bamboo shoots on the day i won the lottery . michael myers has taken a character that would barely have supported a five - minute sketch on saturday night live and stretched it to the length of a feature film  padding it out with toilet jokes and the sort of props - strategically - positioned - between - naked - actors - and - camera gags that benny hill got tired of fifteen years ago . the plot  what little there is of it : back in the swinging mod hep sixties ( i don ', t think i ', m doing a disservice to the movie ', s attempted early look and feel by describing it that way )  sexy british secret agent austin powers tangled with his nemesis dr . evil . evil launched himself into orbit and cryogenically forze himself to return decades later  when powers was out of the picture . powers also had himself frozen  and he wakes up to find the nineties a very hard time to deal with . the basic gag  that of powers ', total inability to cope with the nineties  is not so much exhausted during the course of the movie as never even really dealt with . the bulk of the movie is taken up with dumb jokes of several basic rubrics : james bond gags ( of which this movie has no end  right down to the silly character names )  inept slapstick  toilet humor  and strategically placed props . . . the movie ', s amazingly bereft of ideas  come to think of it  with a couple of bright exceptions . one is dr . evil ', s son -- there is a sidesplitting scene where father and son go to an encounter group  chaired by carrie fisher -- and the other is a throwaway gag where austin mimics various forms of transportation from behind a couch ( it ', s a visual gag -- hard to describe  and hard to recommend seeing the movie for ) . a lot of sixties kitsch has been resurrected and thrown on the screen for this movie  but it ', s desperate rather than clever . instead of skewering the whole thing  it ', s a rather bloodless and unfunny tribute . myers himself is also desperate : he ', s given an idea to play  not a character . plus  the attempts to make the character work by giving him a relationship with another sexy ( albeit " nineties " ) agent are a waste of time . i wanted to have the movie end with him trying yet again to get it on with her  only to have her deck him one . with a couple of exceptions  the movie misses all of its own best moments . the movie even looks cheesy  and not in a good way : i kept wondering if it had been transferred down from hi - def video or something  so grainy was the film stock in a good many scenes . the whole thing has the air of being done on the cheap . my definition of comedy is simply : did it make me laugh ? the few times that i laughed in austin powers were completely offset by the time i spent cringing and wanting out . the most damning thing i could say about the movie is that wayne and garth would most likely have shoved it into mike tyson ', s shorts and sent it sailing .
neg battlefield earth is the worst film of 2000  and i guarantee you that nothing else this year will even come close . in fact  i ', ll be surprised if i see anything this bad in the next ten years . based on the novel by scientology guru l . ron hubbard  battlefield earth begins and we immediately find out two pieces of key information . it ', s the year 3000  and an alien race called the psychlos ( which sounds like a tag team of mexican wrestlers ) conquered our planet in nine minutes . ok  we are all of 10 seconds in and i have a zillion questions racing through my mind . when were we conquered ? the audience is led to believe that this happened about 1  000 years earlier  and if that is the case then we ', re going to get into a whole bunch of problems later ( trust me . . . keep reading ) . also  why don ', t we get to see earth get conquered ? how the hell do you make a popcorn sci - fi flick and not deliver the goods on the one event that sets up the film ? humans now live as cavemen or slave labor  and for the film ', s first act we focus on one particular cavemen group outside of denver  colorado . they grunt and groan and babble about monsters . so  when the psychlos conquered earth  were the only humans not captured a herd of newborn babies that crawled their way to safety in the hills ? none of these characters have any knowledge of the planet being conquered ( whenever that was ) . this is definitely not the way to start an action / sci - fi film . one of the humans wanders out into the wilderness and stumbles across what he thinks is a monster  and he begins to fight it . the " monster " turns out to be a dinosaur from an old miniature golf course . he turns around and sees all sorts of other characters from the golf course  with some shrubs growing over them . so  in 1  000 years this stupid little golf course has stood the test of time  with only a few weeds growing over it ? anyway  some of the humans are captured by the psychlos led by terl ( john travolta ) a smarmy and opportunistic alien planning on stealing a recently discovered gold deposit . the cavemen ( led by barry pepper ) are forced to do their bidding or whatever  but eventually they gain the upper hand and reclaim the planet  or something . so these cavemen are able to do what earth failed to do 1  000 years earlier ? and  we ', re supposed to believe that earth was conquered in nine minutes by a group of buffoonish aliens who can ', t even handle a few cavemen ? one of the ways the humans reclaim the planet is by taking control of abandoned air force jets and using them to fight the psychlos . so jets left unattended for 1  000 years are still able to fly ? please  if i leave my car unattended for two weeks i have to replace every fluid and hose under the hood . why did the psychlos leave jets around anyway ? shouldn ', t they have destroyed military installations during their massive nine minute campaign against us ? the psychlos refer to humans as " man animals " but yet dogs are still " dogs " . why aren ', t they " dog animals " ? the psychlos are after mining earth ', s precious resources  but for 1  000 years are unaware of fort knox ? why do i even care at this point ? i ', m a fan of travolta ', s and i ', m glad to see he ', s back on the a - list in hollywood ( despite the fact that he occasionally puts out crowd pleasing dreck like michael and phenomenon ) . but how did he possibly think this was a good movie ? and how did he think he was giving a good performance here ? he ', s more than capable of making a menacing villain ( see broken arrow and face / off ) but whenever his character came on screen i couldn ', t hold back my laughter . now despite the different facial features members of this alien race seem to have  travolta just looks like travolta . all of the other aliens have weird foreheads or other pointy bones on their face  but travolta just has a goatee . also  travolta ', s acts with a sort of phony upper - class snooty accent and constantly whines about bureaucratic nonsense back on his home world . ooooo  scary villain . as a producer he should know better and as an actor he should definitely know better . you can make a dumb but good sci - fi film ( i love independence day for example )  but there is absolutely nothing entertaining about battlefield earth . i did everything i possibly could to stay awake during the screening . . . i cleaned my glasses  walked around the theater  made a grocery list  chose my lottery numbers for the week  replayed super bowl xxv in my head ( with commercials ) . . . and still was compelled to scrutinize the insides of my eyelids . by the time we actually reach the year 3000  people should still be avoiding this film . folks  save your cash . . don ', t go see it  don ', t rent it  and don ', t buy it . you ', d be more entertained by taking the money you ', d use for this movie and just throwing it into the wind  watching it sail away ( hell  send it to us here at the jacksonville film journal . . . we ', ll entertain you plenty with that kind of money ) . unless of course you ', re just captivated by countless slow motion shots of barry pepper running  which is just about all you ', ll come away with from this movie . that  and a headache . [ editor ', s note : for some reason though  the day after my screening i converted to scientology . i ', m not sure why . . . something just made me feel compelled make the choice . ]
neg jet li busted onto the american action movie scene  when he stole the show in 1998 ', s lethal weapon 4  with his wicked looks  his nasty moves and his undeniable charisma . it only took another two years for mega - producer joel silver to set him up in an all - american movie  primed to take over some of the empty action - hero seats left by alleged coke - head van damme and that pudgy guy named steven seagal . would this film take li past his rival asian action counterparts  namely chow yun - fat and jackie chan ? let ', s find out . plot : rival chinese and black gangster organizations fall further out of favor from one another  when members of their respective families start turning up dead . that ', s when badass jet li blasts into the picture to find out who the men were behind his brother ', s death and to exact some of his own style of revenge . critique : three words : not enough action ! simple enough ? not enough hong kong kickass jet li action to compensate for a horribly predictable screenplay  bad actors  crappy dialogue and oh - so many over - the - top melodramatic moments . and a romance angle ? why  one must ask . . . why ? i love fight scenes and i really dig jet li too  but this little ditty barely contained three memorable action sequences  and jet  well  the poor dude was barely in the movie . and i thought this was supposed to be his big break ? how ', bout giving the slickster some more opportunities to show us his kung - fu fighting chops  slap him in a few more scenes  and give him more chances to practice his acting / english abilities ? what a letdown . even black mask was more entertaining than this glossed up  empty shell of a film . in fact  i am sure that more time was spent gathering the " hits " for the soundtrack of this film  than were on the so - called " screenplay " . i felt like i was watching a soundtrack rather than a movie most of the time . the sad part about the bad script is that it wouldn ', t matter so much if the film actually had some decent actors spouting out the tacky lines . but no  save lindo and aaliyah  who weren ', t too shabby  i thought the rest of the cast was picked primarily from their inability to deliver lines convincingly . and what was the deal with the whole nfl franchise deal run by some 15 - year old looking guy  acting like he ', s the overlord of a drug ring ? ! what a mess . then again  i don ', t want it to seem like i ', m complaining solely about the story which was completely foreseeable  since we all go to see these movies for the action anyway  not the story . well  i guess that ', s what disappointed me the most out of this film . there were a couple of cool fight scenes with li  but simply not enough to satisfy my overall craving . also  as much as i love the way they incorporate wires and special effects in some of their stunts  a couple of the exaggerated fight scenes were simply too obvious a stunt . it should be seamless  fellas  not necessarily against the laws of gravity ! the one cool thing that was original in the movie was the way in which the director showed us some of the inside cracklings of the human body when penetrated by a blow  but that simple creative touch couldn ', t save the rest of this film ', s uninteresting plot movements . i ', m disappointed for jet li that this film didn ', t give him the real opportunity to star in a good story with many great action scenes . hopefully  the next time will be a charm for this charismatic actor . for now  i just hope that for his sake  the film ', s title isn ', t a premonition of the movie ', s ultimate fate at the box - office .
neg one night  during a torrential downpour that flooded the streets  we went to see -- what else -- hard rain . " so  are we all going to die ? " the sheriff ( randy quaid ) asks in the story ', s opening line as he evacuates his flooded town . the answer is pretty much yes  but not nearly soon enough . and to add insult to injury  the supposedly dead  regretfully  often turn out not to be so . populating this bad tv - movie - of - the - week material are a host of talented actors . one can only hope they were rewarded handsomely for acting in this hopelessly muddled picture . besides the obvious hardships of acting most scenes while dog paddling in the water  they will all receive black marks on their records for appearing in this dismal movie . graham yost ', s script serves up one cliche after another for the actors  who thankfully managed to mumble quite a few of the lines . director mikael salomon ', s staging is so confusing that you may have trouble figuring out what is happening . the befuddled presentation is exacerbated by peter menzies  jr . ', s dark and ugly cinematography . the plot concerns an armored car that gets stuck in the raging water . onboard are guards tom and his uncle charlie . christian slater  who is much better in his tender roles as in untamed heart  plays tom . edward asner drops by briefly to take on the role of the soon to be dead charlie . coming to their " rescue " is a gang headed by jim  played on autopilot by the great actor morgan freeman . he views the loot  three million dollars worth  as his retirement plan . the entire movie is one big watery chase with the sheriff and his posse tracking jim and his gang  who are in turn after tom . along the way  tom picks up a love interest in the person of a crucifix - weapon wielding woman named karen  played in a totally wasted performance by minnie driver . the action sequences are repetitive and without much interest . they do feature lots of explosions and gunfire to keep you awake . christopher young ', s emotionless score for the film has a single trait  ear - shattering loudness . the plot holes are as big as the ones in the dam that breaks  submerging the town . the characters have an infinite number of bullets and rarely do they have to bother reloading their guns . the weapons and the ammunition spend most of the time under water or being rained on but always fire perfectly . when one of the bad guys drops a gun into the water  it stays in the same place until much later when tom swims to get it  even though the swift water is so strong it is uprooting large trees . counting these improbabilities is one of the more enjoyable ways to spend your time as you wait for the characters to kill each other . the show has a single  but unprintable  good line . betty white plays an incessantly bossy wife  and  when her hen - pecked husband finally told her off  our audience roared with laughter . the show concludes with a sickening set of twists . the best that can be said of the picture is that it is merely stupefyingly awful as opposed to laughably bad . hard rain runs 1 : 37 . it is rated r for violence and would be fine for teenagers . ( the two families behind us shockingly had a half - dozen preschoolers among them . )
neg it was with a huge lack of something to do that i decided to watch this on good old upn on sunday afternoon  when the only good things on tv are the second - rate movies they show ( some are good : they showed " total recall " before this one ) . if you know me  i think seagal is probably the most boring action star to ever live . and this includes keanu reeves . what do i hate about seagal ? i hate how he uses one facial expression for every single threatening and non - threatening situation ( the squint ) . i hate those scenes in every movie where he goes around  bullying people up  saying stupid lines with a brooklyn accent more fake than burt reynold ', s hairpiece in " boogie nights . " i despise how he never gets a bruise in any of his fights . i hate how every single plot twist leads to just a melodramatic fight between he and the chief villain . i hate his non - satirical messages ( in the beginning of this one  he slaps on a quote from arthur miller  which has nothing to do with the film  except it ', s about brooklyn where this film takes place ) . and i hate how he ', s so narcissistic that he thinks that he can actually fucking sing ( during the end credits  he has a good old hill billy rock tune sung and penned by him ) . sure  the guy ', s probably a nice guy in person ( i actually found him very non - threatening when he was on letterman not too long ago ) . but the guy makes worse films than reagan did . so what ', s the plot of this shit - terpiece ? well . . . something about him trying to catch a stupid - ass crook ( william forsythe ) who shot and killed his partner in broad daylight . i couldn ', t believe how bad this scene was - the guy was conveniently with his family so we get the maximum emotional effect ( ahem ! ) . and forsythe even said some stupid lines to him before he took off . i ', m sorry  did anyone ever hear of concealing one ', s self ? so in comes ex - brooklynite seagal  who dedicates his life to catching this guy . and i just wished he had caught him in the beginning  then ended the film . but noooo  this drags on  as he bullies forsythe ', s family members ( including a stupid bar - owner  and none other than gina gershon as his other bar - owner sister ) . and forsythe more than once threatens his family . at one point  he actually comes to their house and stalks them like a non - threatening nicholson in " the shining " ( complete with them all hiding in the bathroom  but with an added bonus of one girl conveniently loosing her cool and screaming to give them away ) . seagal paints himself as a lovable person  with a son  and a fiancee . he even shows him hanging with his son  checking up on his homework  and then about to take him out for a bit of " catch  " when he ', s conveniently called away on assignment . i dunno about you  but playing " catch " with seagal was one of my childhood nightmares . he also shows him as that bad - ass he wants to be  with scenes of him bullying crooks around  and taking out people who are stupid enough to attack him even after he ', s unarmed a chinese guy swinging bats with a pool cue . serves them right . this film  as some of his do  has an interesting supporting cast of actors who are actually talented  but don ', t appear to be in this film . i already mentioned gina gershon ( who ', s pretty horrible in this one )  as well as william forsythe  who over - acts terribly . i know this guy can act : he was awesome in " raising arizona " as goodman ', s partner in crime . but he ', s just awful here . jerry orbach gives the only credible performance in the film as the police chief who checks up on segal after things have gone down . why is he the only one who gives a good performance ? well  because his role is small enough and sporadic enough to not tarnish his credibility . he seems to be in here just to give it a cool " law and order " feeling ( even if it ', s not a " cool " feeling ) . and in cameos are b - rated erotic - thriller - cinemax - style stars  shannon whirry ( as " terry malloy  " which is more of a bad joke than a clever one ) and athena massey . oh ! and " er " ', s julliana margiulles has two scenes . " out for justice " just proves once again that american action films just suck . i know that there ', s such a good thing as good action - he ', s called john woo . but if you ', re in the mood for some good old no - brainer  fun - yet - dumb action  don ', t bother watching this . it ', s so stupid that it ', s boring .
neg vampires starts out almost in the style of a spaghetti western with an attack on a small homestead in new mexico . the house has a nest of vampires and jack crow ( james woods ) is leading a team of vampire hunters in to clean them out . while the initial imagery is a little over - dramatic  it gives way to what is a fairly decent action sequence . that is enough action to last us a while and we could  director john carpenter would let us  get to a story line . but it is not very long and there is not much plot until the next big action scene . then there is only a bit more of plot before the next action scene after that . the plot is kept to a minimum and the interesting ideas in the plot really get the short end . and that is something of a pity because the film  based on the book vampire $ by john steakley  gives us a myth for the origins of vampires and explains why vampires are so intertwined with religious imagery . this could be an interesting departure from the standard vampire film  but carpenter decides to tell us about it rather than to show it . what carpenter saves his serious screen time for a sequence of spectacular fights between hunters and vampires . there is a lot of fighting and lots of gore . anything intriguing is kept to a minimum to so it does not get in the way of pleasing the action film fans . this has not always been carpenter ', s style . his 1981 version of the thing has action but also challenges the viewer to do a little thinking about the film ', s central science fictional question . jack crow heads a vampire swat team  cleaning up nests of vampires with high - tech spears and crossbows . in the early part of the film his team is wiped out by a particularly mean vampire valek ( thomas ian griffith ) who has been tipped off to who crow is . now crow team is gone and he is down to himself and his sidekick tony montoya ( daniel baldwin ) . to make matters worse  he does not know the people on his own side  tony and his backers  he can trust . meanwhile jack is sure the vampires are looking for something that must be hidden somewhere here in new mexico . if this is sounding like a very tired police corruption plot with a few obvious substitutions  that ', s exactly what it is . the same story looks just as well with two partner cops looking for a gang of hood who are themselves looking for a packet of heroin . but carpenter goes against a familiar principle of film : show people  don ', t tell them . just about everything in the plot other than the fights we are told about in the dialog and not shown . fundamental questions in the plot like where does crow get his funding  why are the vampires in new mexico -- what do they want and why do they want it  what is the connection of the vampires and the catholic church  how did crow come to be a vampire hunter and why devote his life to it ? the answers to any of these questions could have been dramatized  but instead are revealed through dialog . now if all this was not bad enough  carpenter misuses the james wood persona . woods plays a particular sort of cool lowlife very well . but carpenter leads off the film by having woods do some sergio - leone - style mythic posturing . while his crew prepares for an attack he stands staring fixedly through shades at the house that will be his target . woods does not work as a larger than life mythic hero . that is not his style and it just does not work very well . there are some simple things that carpenter should be looking for as director that he misses . in one scene we are looking at a motel room with dead people on the floor . one female corpse is on the floor in front of a chair so that there is about an inch of daylight between her and the chair . as the actress breathes the gap widening and narrowing makes it obvious her arm is moving up and down . one also wonders how the existence of vampires is kept secret . these vampires do not maintain a low profile . there are arguably logical flaws in the film . there is some question in my mind whether carpenter has a consistent policy on what effect bullets have on vampires . it would take some rationalization to explain why in some scenes sunlight has a dramatic effect on vampires  yet in a scene toward the end a vampire can walk under a burned roof that lets him be swept by beams of sunlight . i suspect that the book on which this film was based was better thought out . while i might recommend this film to an action audience i would say that what i look for in a vampire film vampires rates a 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale . perhaps i will read the book .
neg when considering david fincher ', s latest film  " the game "  four words come to mind . " don ', t believe the hype . " this michael douglas vehicle  from the director of " seven "  isn ', t nearly as clever or innovatively suspenseful as it would have us believe . the film draws us in with an intriguing concept ( aided no doubt by the riveting trailer ) where a jaded millionaire ( douglas ) is presented with the opportunity to enter into a living fantasy . this isn ', t simply virtual reality . this is real life with a deadly twist . on his 48th birthday  nicholas van orton ( douglas ) is invited to dinner by his underachieving younger brother  conrad ( sean penn ) . conrad has a special birthday present for his brother . he hands nicholas a gift certificate and tells him to contact a company called consumer recreation services . " they make your life fun  " conrad tells him . nicholas humors his brother  telling him he ', ll call  but it ', s clear he has no time for any foolish  " fantasy role - playing  " as he calls it . then  for reasons that are never really made clear  nicholas decides to go to crs and see what they ', re all about . he ends up spending a whole day going through their screening process  which to me made no sense considering the tight schedule he keeps claiming to have . nevertheless  when it seems nicholas has been rejected as a crs client  the weird things start happening . of course  when we ', ve only covered about 30 minutes of screen time  what else should we expect . douglas has built his modern career around playing powerful  violent and unlikable men being manipulated by unseen hands . one of those films  " basic instinct "  came from the creative minds of writer  joe eszterhas and director  paul verhoeven . the premise of " the game  " is not unlike the concept of another verhoeven film  " total recall . " in that case  the premise was implanting someone else ', s memories as a way to enhance one ', s own life through a dream vacation . yet  in both films  the real goal is to create a vicarious bond with the audience . we live the adventure along with the protagonist  reacting to each twist and turn . in theory  the key to the suspense is not being to tell what is real and what isn ', t . all we can do is hang on until the end of the ride  when the truth is finally revealed . now  for those of you who forgot  let me say this again . " don ', t believe the hype . " " the game " is not a thrilling roller coaster ride . as a suspense - thriller  it doesn ', t do much but spin in circles . by the third reel  i was fighting back sleep and checking my watch as i endured the predictable plot . is it any wonder douglas won ', t be able to resist the charms of a mysterious  potentially life - threatening blonde ( ever heard of glenn close ? no ? well  how about sharon stone ? thought so ) . if anything in this film surprises you at all  i would guess you haven ', t seen that many films . there is no suspense here . trust me  i looked hard to find some . i had to settle for contrived gimmicks and ridiculously implausible situations . fincher aim ', s for hitchcock but lands somewhere just north of joe eszterhas . there are those that might say " the game " is not intended to be viewed literally . i would submit that is exactly the way i tried to view the film . the film simply does not have the teeth to bite into any real psychological issues . there is a moment early in the film where van orton  realizing his game has begun  smiles as he walks through the airport trying to figure out who ', s in on the whole thing . he is charged by his paranoia . he is looking at the world through new eyes . it is the last thought - provoking moment in the film . from there on  the director only wants to stay a step ahead of us . any significant archetype that is set up in the beginning of the film is simply turned into a plot device . at the outset  we ', re told each " game " is tailored to the individual . ultimately  this " game " is supposed to work like a crucible  trying this obscenely wealthy and emotionally detached aristocrat by fire  proving his soul . yet  as douglas endures his personal gauntlet  we ', re given very few pieces of the puzzle to illuminate us on who this man really is . i wanted to like this film more than i did . i look at it as just anothergreat idea  poorly realized . i can think of at least two other superior films where watching the film didn ', t mean we were seeing what was really happening . bryan singer ', s " the usual suspects " for one  a film that was truly unique in its ability to get you lost in the details before pulling back to show you the full masterpiece on the canvas . also  there is the underrated " jacob ', s ladder  " with tim robbins  a film that really has to be watched twice before you recognize the significance of all its symbolism . here are two examples of films that don ', t simply manipulate for manipulations ', sake . there are films that use their labyrinth structure to lead us to a meaningful place . one major issue that comes up in " the game " is whether or not the whole " illusion " is just a highly sophisticated con game . well  i can tell you right now  after you ', ve spent your $ 7 dollars  you may be asking yourself the same thing .
neg weighed down by tired plot lines and spielberg ', s reliance on formulas  _saving private ryan_ is a mediocre film which nods in the direction of realism before descending into an abyss of cliches . there ought to be a law against steven spielberg making movies about truly serious topics . spielberg ', s greatest strength as a director is the polished  formulaic way in which every aspect of the film falls carefully into place to make a perfect story . but for a topic of such weight as combat in the second world war ( or the holocaust ) this technique backfires  for it creates coherent  comprehensible and redemptive narratives out of events whose size  complexity and evil are utterly beyond the reach of human ken . in this way spielberg trivializes the awesome evil of the stories he films . _saving private ryan_ tells the story of eight men who have been detailed on a " pr mission " to pull a young man  ryan ( whose three other brothers were just killed in fighting elsewhere ) out of combat on the normandy front just after d - day . ryan is a paratrooper who dropped behind enemy lines the night before the landings and became separated from his fellow soldiers . the search for him takes the eight soldiers across the hellish terrain of world war ii combat in france . there ', s no denying spielberg came within shouting distance of making a great war movie . the equipment  uniforms and weapons are superbly done . the opening sequence  in which captain miller ( tom hanks ) leads his men onto omaha beach  is quite possibly the closest anyone has come to actually capturing the unendurably savage intensity of modern infantry combat . another pleasing aspect of the film is spielberg ', s brave depiction of scenes largely unknown to american audiences  such as the shooting of prisoners by allied soldiers  the banality of death in combat  the routine foul - ups in the execution of the war  and the cynicism of the troops . the technical side of the film is peerless  as always . the camera work is magnificent  the pacing perfect  the sets convincing  the directing without flaw . hanks will no doubt be nominated for an oscar for his performance  which was utterly convincing  and the supporting cast was excellent  though ted danson seems a mite out of place as a paratroop colonel . yet the attempt at a realistic depiction of combat falls flat on its face because realism is not something which can be represented by single instances or events . it has to thoroughly permeate the context at every level of the film  or the story fails to convince . throughout the movie spielberg repeatedly showed only single examples of the grotesque wounds produced by modern mechanized devices ( exception : men are shown burning to death with relative frequency ) . for example  we see only one man with guts spilled out on the ground . here and there men lose limbs ; in one scene miller is pulling a man to safety  there ', s an explosion  and miller looks back to see he is only pulling half a man . but the rest of the corpses are remarkably intact . there are no shoes with only feet in them  no limbs scattered everywhere  no torsos without limbs  no charred corpses  and most importantly  all corpses have heads ( in fairness there are a smattering of wicked head wounds ) . the relentless dehumanization of the war  in which even corpses failed to retain any indentity  is soft - pedaled in the film . ultimately  _saving private ryan_ bows to both hollywood convention and the unwritten rules of wartime photography in its portrayal of wounds and death in war . rather than saying _saving private ryan_ is " realistic  " it would be better to describe it as " having realistic moments . " another aspect of the " hollywoodization " of the war is the lack of realistic dialogue and in particular  the lack of swearing . anyone familiar with the literature on the behavior of the men during the war  such as fussell ', s superb _wartime : understanding and behavior in the second world war_ ( which has an extensive discussion on swearing )  knows that the troops swore fluently and without letup . " who is this private ryan that we have to die for him ? " asks one infantrymen in the group of eight . rendered in wartime demotic  that should have been expressed as " who is this little pecker that we have to get our dicks shot off for him ? " or some variant thereof . conversations should have been literally sprinkled with the " f " word  and largely about ( the search for ) food and sex . this is all the more inexplicable because the movie already had an " r " rating due to violence  so swearing could not possibly have been eliminated to make it a family film . however  the most troubling aspect of the film is the spielbergization of the topic . the most intense hell humans have ever created for themselves is not emotionally wrenching enough for steven spielberg . he cannot just cede control to the material ; he has to be bigger than it . as if afraid to let the viewer find their own ( perhaps unsettled and not entirely clear ) emotional foothold in the material  spielberg has to package it in hallmark moments to give the war a meaning and coherence it never had : the opening and closing scenes of ryan and his family in the war cemetary ( reminscent of the closing scene from _schindler ', s list )  the saccharine exchange between ryan and his wife at the close ( every bit as bad as schindler ', s monologue about how his car  tiepin or ring could have saved another jew )  quotes from abraham lincoln and emerson  captain miller ', s last words to private ryan  and an unbelievable storyline in which a prisoner whom they free earlier in the movie comes back to kill the captain . that particular subplot is so hokey  so predictable  it nigh on ruins the film . nowhere in the film is there a resolute depiction of the meaninglessness  stupidity and waste which characterized the experience of war to the men who actually fought in combat ( imagine if miller had been killed by friendly fire or collateral damage ) . because of its failure to mine deeply into the terrible realities of world war ii  _saving private ryan_ can only pan for small truths in the shallows . .
neg if you ', re going to make a two - hour hollywood in - joke  why bother releasing it to the general public ? if you ', re going to create a film that will appeal primarily to big - name actors and people who know woody allen  then why waste the time of the rest of us peons by playing it in theaters ? while watching celebrity  i realized that allen had only marginal interest in creating a story about real people . what he really wanted to do was continue on his recent kick of conceited self - deprecation . celebrity is yet another film in which allen tells a story about himself  living in a world that he ', s familiar with  dealing with people like the ones he actually knows . allen recruited poor kenneth branagh to bumble through this picture  in an imitation of allen so perfect that it almost made me like the film more . branagh plays lee simon  a journalist - turned - screenwriter who divorces his wife  robin ( judy davis )  shacks up with some hot women ( famke janssen  charlize theron  winona ryder )  and goes about trying to get big stars ( melanie griffith  leonardo dicaprio ) to read his script about an armored car robbery . the usual elements of recent allen films are all here  including the sexual insecurity of the main character  lots of self - loathing women  and a tiring continuum of episodes that are only loosely related to one another . unless you work in the film industry or know woody allen personally  it ', s not likely that you ', ll find a whole lot of interest in celebrity . aside from all the in - jokes  the story falls far short of compelling  and the characters are all empty and lifeless . branagh proves once again that he ', s a superb performer  nailing his imitation of allen flawlessly . the problem is that he ', s the same character allen always plays  a character who ', s getting more than a little dull to watch . i mean  come on  how many times have you seen this guy ? -- he hates his work  and he can ', t be satisfied by any one woman  and  at the end of the movie  nothing has been solved . he brings all of his problems upon himself ( crashing his car because he ', s receiving fellatio  and other such stunts )  so it ', s pretty hard to care about him . in addition  isn ', t allen capable of creating characters who aren ', t just like him ? i know he is  but he didn ', t do it in celebrity . the vacant emotional attachment with the main character is not recaptured in the supporting performances . davis  playing the same woman with low self - esteem that she played in deconstructing harry  has a few touching moments  but ends up the same despicable celebrity - type that fills the rest of the movie . some of the actresses are saved because of their beauty -- theron and ryder  especially -- but they ', re not likable people . only famke janssen  as a book editor interested in simon ', s new novel  has any life . the men in the picture don ', t do much better -- joe mantegna is pretty dull as the man who remarries robin  while dicaprio  as a christian slater / johnny depp - type spoiled young actor  is funny but disengaging . what ', s really insulting about celebrity is how dull and standard its " themes " are . allen seems to think that he ', s making an insightful movie about the way " normal " people look at celebrities . the main problem with this is that the character with whom we ', re supposed to identify  simon  is not a " normal " guy -- he ', s just as entrenched in the hollywood image as the rest of the characters . the other problem is that the image we get of these celebrities is no more enlightening than the view the media gives us -- none of them register as realistic  interesting characters ; they mostly just function as set pieces for boring dialogue . in addition  allen decides he needs a scene in which the theme is expressed explicitly ( robin  in this scene  says something like  " it ', s interesting to see the way we all look at the people we celebrate ! " ) . celebrity is arguably allen ', s biggest misfire to date . it does have a few good scenes -- theron ', s super - orgasmic model character is kind of funny  and the last scene might have been moving had the rest of the film shown us a character or two . but celebrity is a failure at the core  unless allen ', s point was to make a self - indulgent movie about himself and his friends . if he wanted to make his audience feel like they were on the outside of a big joke  then he succeeded in that . i  for one  don ', t enjoy feeling like an outsider .
neg it used to be that not just anyone could become a vampire . usually  you had to be an aristocrat - a count such as dracula or karnstein . to qualify  you ', d have to have a modicum of sophistication  so you ', d at least look cool - or suave - when biting into some young damsel ', s throat . but today  in our overly politically correct world  any scuzzy - looking  long - haired  unshaven lout or any spiked - haired harridans can put the bite on you . by the same token  to be a vampire hunter  one had to have some sort of medical training and knowledge of the occult or maybe perhaps be some sort of professional soldier  or at least one who retired with honors . not in these times . all you need are some sharp weapons  some bullets forged from silver and any yahoo can be a buffy - or a blade . without sounding elitist  the fear of vampires has greatly diminished because of this lack of exclusivity . which brings us to blade  the latest in a long line of vampire movies in which  it seems  half the population is putting the bite on the other half . not only are there thousands of vampires  but they seem to move from city to city  pay off police departments and  most importantly  establish their own exclusive after - hours raves in which the highlight is the sprinkler system going off and dousing all the occupants in a blood shower . with all that blood  you wonder why they have to hunt for victims . you also wonder when they get the time to get their clothes dry - cleaned and why no cleaner ever complains about all the bloodstains . blade  which is based on a marvel comic book character  is  like a comic book  all visual . the plot is basically blade repetitiously slashing his way through the vampire army seeking their leader  deacon frost . it ', s all hokum and nonsense  of course . but the filmmakers play it straight . unfortunately  at least at the advance screening i attended  the audience didn ', t see it that way and laughed through much of the proceedings . you know a movie is in trouble when the scenes of blood and gore that should elicit screams of fright instead evoke peels of laughter . another tell - tale sign is when the audience seems to be admiring the hero ', s costume more than the hero . also it seems it ', s not enough for today ', s vampire merely to have fangs . he must also be proficient in the martial arts . why a supernatural being  one of the undead  needs such skills is beyond me . ( of course  this concept dates to the 1974 hammer films - run run shaw production of legend of the seven golden vampires  in which dracula is defeated by seven karate - chopping siblings . ) wesley snipes is buff as blade . he growls his lines - the few he has - and spends most of the time glowering - as if he was suffering from indigestion or having second thoughts about starring in and co - producing this turkey . blade is just another example of how the vampire film  a once honorable member of the horror family  has gone downhill . this dud mostly makes you yearn for those quaint old days when christopher lee could be stopped just by dangling a crucifix in his face . today ', s vampires lack the panache  the style of a bela lugosi or a christopher lee . they are not even worthy enough to carry those great bloodsuckers ', capes . they are more farcical than frightful . this whole enterprise is one dull blade that could have used lots of sharpening .
neg hav plenty  as we are told in the beginning and reminded during the film  is a true story . life itself is a series of true stories  but most are not movie material . as scripted  directed  and acted by cinematic newcomer christopher scott cherot  hav plenty limps along at best . its dialog is so stilted - " you know what they say  ', no women ; no cry . ', " - that the actors are content to read the screenplay rather than invest much energy in trying to act it . in the story  lee plenty ( cherot ) is a 28 - year - old author and teaching assistant . the movie  which happens mainly over the new year ', s holiday  consists of a series of incidents in which various single and married women try to kiss lee or take him to bed . since he consistently refuses  caroline gooden ( tammi katherine jones ) figures that he must be gay . eventually he and havilland " hav " savage ( chenoa maxwell ) get together  proving that he wasn ', t gay after all  just picky . sexy women can sit on his lap and ask him to go to bed with them  but he will not even kiss them . he ', s a man who knows his mind  which he frequently shares directly with the audience in a series of trite and overly cute monologues . filled with wealthy african - americans  the story is closest in tone to love jones  which was better . hav plenty ', s story doesn ', t go anywhere . at the end it subjects us to lee plenty ', s new film  which is a movie of the movie we ', ve just seen  but with even worse acting . " remember folks that  as outrageous as this all seems  this is a true story . " hav tells the camera  but the problem is that it ', s not outrageous at all or even the least bit interesting . hav plenty isn ', t so much a bad film as it is a total waste of the audience ', s time . hav plenty runs 1 : 32 . it is rated r for profanity and would be fine for most teenagers .
neg it seems that i ', ve stopped enjoying movies that should be fun to watch . take payback  for example  a movie that most people seem to like . however  it ', s horrible schlock  straight out of hollywood ', s vast talent for sucking creativity out of movies . it was written and directed by a guy who should have done better ; however  maybe he did do better  after all  30 percent of the movie isn ', t his own . mel gibson  that hollywood zombie  decided he didn ', t like the ending and had another director reshoot it . what a crock . if you sign on to do a movie  then do it the way the script calls for . why film a movie and then look at it later and say  - no  i changed my mind  i don ', t like the ending . you ', re fired . let ', s get someone else to do it . - i suppose honor is dead in hollywood . the end of the film is  of course  hollywoodized . which is to say that it ', s happy and the guy you root for beats impossible odds to win his prize . in this case  as is most victories in hollywood movies  gibson ', s prize is a blond and money . i miss originality in film  i really do . i think audiences are so starved for it that they ', ll flop down a lot of money in hopes that a movie will be original . payback ', s tagline - get ready to root for the bad guy - promised an original idea  but it was far from the truth . while gibson ', s character certainly broke the law  he was a character that had honor ( odd that gibson himself seems to have very little of it )  wouldn ', t kill in front of children and protects his blond woman . there ', s nothing bad about him - he ', s a hollywood character  a person who could never exist in real life . and gibson knows it - he spends his time trying to act like a " bad guy "  and instead comes off as pretentious and arrogant . the story involves gibson being double - crossed by his partner ( who is a real bad guy  which made me wish that we could root for him ) over $ 70  000 . gibson recovers from multiple gunshots  is pissed ( naturally )  and will do whatever it takes to get the exact amount of money back - no more  no less . he makes a point of it that it ', s strictly 70 grand . a real bad guy would have made his ex - partner pay 25 % interest . this idea is completely stretched out . gibson ends up going after his partner and the chicago mafia that his partner is affiliated with . what i didn ', t understand - this is the chicago mafia . $ 70  000 is like spare change to them . they ', d probably just pay the guy rather than go through the trouble of dealing with him . i think they ', d respect a guy going through this much trouble for a simple $ 70  000 . maybe i ', m being too hard on the movie . perhaps the filmmakers were just trying to make a simple popcorn movie . i read roger ebert ', s review and he liked gibson in the role because he is a comic at heart playing a bad guy . that ', s why we ', re allowed to root for him . and it ', s true - gibson walks the movie as if he ', s smiling at a joke he just heard . but he ', s wrong here . i wanted a lee marvin or old - time clint eastwood or somebody who wasn ', t a comic  just an ass kicker . as a side note  i ', ve just checked the internet movie database and discovered that i am the 38th person to post a newsgroup review of payback . after this many reviews  why would anyone want to read this ? really  i don ', t care . i ', m just trying to gain membership into the on - line film critics society by posting as many reviews as i can .
neg note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . " quick  robin ! the anti - shark repellant ! " - adam west in the 1966 batman feature film  casually kicking at a pathetic - looking rubber shark attached to his leg i had never thought that an entry in the modern incarnation of the batman feature film would approach this level of campiness  but in many instances batman and robin nears  and at some point even exceeds this standard . this is a disasterously bad film  easily the worst in the series to date  and fairly epitomizes a cinematic definition of the word excessive - it ', s loud  garish  and obnoxious  with pointless  gratuitous action sequences and set pieces which clutter up the screen with elaborate production design to the point of overkill . batman and robin features the caped crusaders ( george clooney debuting as batman  with chris o ', donnell returing as robin ) squaring off against another bevy of chemically - induced villains - the nefarious ice - cold mr . freeze ( arnold schwarzenegger )  armed with a weapon which freezes everything in its sights  and the slinky poison ivy ( uma thurman )  who has the ability to blow powerful love dust into the faces of men in order so that they will fall helplessly in love with her ( not that the dust is really necessary to accomplish this result  but whatever )  and then dispatch them with a poisoned kiss . by ivy ', s side is the giant steroid monster bane ( jeep swanson )  a grunting hulk of a beast . the villains ', goals are noble ones - freeze steals diamonds to power his climate suit ( in order to keep his body temperature at zero degrees )  so that he can survive in order to devise a cure for his beloved wife ( vendela )  dying of a degenerative disease and frozen in suspended animation  and ivy ', s intent is to restore the dominance of plant life on earth  albeit by destroying all human life . meanwhile  on the homefront  life at wayne manor is thrown into upheaval by the illness of butler alfred pennyworth ( michael gough )  and the arrival of his niece barbara ( alicia silverstone ) . akiva goldsman ', s screenplay for the film is ridiculous and laughably bad  with astonishingly terrible dialogue  lame jokes  and an awful by - the - number plot which simply coasts along and fails to generate any genuine excitement . it makes goldsman ', s screenplay of batman forever  which i thought was dreadful  look positively inspired in comparison . i am still astonished that a cheesy plot device which i ', d seen used in - no joke - an episode of gilligan ', s island somehow make its way into a multimillion dollar blockbuster production . joel schumacher ', s direction of batman and robin is horrific  with a terrible balance of flashiness over substance . there is a clear conceit towards neon in this film  even moreso than with his previous batman forever  with the revamped batcave helpfully sporting gigantic glowing emblems for the dynamic duo ( just in case  i suppose  if they ever happen to forget that the batcave is the headquarters of batman and robin )  and with neon prominently figuring in an utterly - pointless fight sequence with bane and a street gang over ivy ', s chosen new abode . another action sequence which fails to serve any useful point other than to chew up five minutes of screentime involves an incredibly uninvolving late - night motorcycle race with barbara and some gotham goons . mr . schumacher ', s focus for batman and robin appears to be to make the film as visually striking as possible  to the detriment of the story - there are drastic shifts in the tone of the film between all - out camp and heartfelt drama  with the latter completely unconvincing and ineffective . it is perhaps not the most promising of signs when the group i was with burst out laughing within twenty seconds of the film ', s opening  even before a single line of dialogue had been uttered . is batman and robin supposed to be campy ? i think it is - it ', s hard to imagine that the filmmakers could have intended many parts of the film to be taken at all seriously . ( one of my favourites was when bane helpfully grunted " bomb ! " each time he laid down an explosive device in the gotham observatory . ) is it supposed to be as overly campy as it turned out to be ? i somehow doubt it - the subplot involving afred is delivered so solemnly and with such graveness that the impression is made that the film isn ', t attempting to be the utter farce which it is . arnold schwarzenegger is top - billed in the film as the villainous mr . freeze  and is bland and uninteresting  perhaps the worst thing that a villain can be . mr . schwarzenegger ', s attempts to be menacing are laughable  and his attempts at conveying pathos are laughable ; frankly  everything he does onscreen is laughable . by the end of the film  i was stifling a chuckle every time he simply appeared onscreen . the bulk of his performance consists of uttering near - unintelligble puns and one - liners featuring every possible permutation of " cool ! " in the least inventive way . george clooney has been given very little to do in batman and robin  being overshadowed by the villains  and consequently he looks rather uncomfortable in the film . his batman is hardly an imposing figure . chris o ', donnell is unimpressive in a one - note performance  while alicia silverstone lackadasically fails to make any impression at all . the film ', s one saving grace ? undoubtably uma thurman ', s entertaining performance as sexy villainess poison ivy . her work in batman and robin is certainly over - the - top  but in a controlled fashion which works splendidly within the tone of the film . ms . thurman ', s comic timing is impeccable  and reminds us that it takes skilled performers to make campiness work successfully . ( i ', m already starting to positively reassess jim carrey ', s performance in batman forever . ) her amusing poison ivy is the most entertaining character in the film  and when she ', s offscreen the film greatly suffers . i figure that if one has to die  being kissed to death by uma thurman isn ', t a half - bad way to go . while batman and robin was hardly a ride of pulse - pounding excitement  i must admit that i was not bored watching it  although i did glance at my watch repeatedly through the screening - my attention was kept through anticipation of the utterance of yet another terrible pun or one - liner  and by awaiting yet another scene to fall flat . it ', s been a long time since i ', ve laughed so much at a movie . " at "  of course  is the operative word .
neg everything about this ninth trek movie seems on the cheap  from the roger corman - grade special effects to its highly derivative and ugly ad campaign ( the poster is nearly identical to that of star trek vi : the undiscovered country ) . but piller ', s not - quite - half - baked screenplay should ultimately claim responsibility for insurrection ', s failure . i ', m about to give the same advice to rick berman and co . as i ', ve given to the financiers of james bond movies : it ', s time to breathe life into this workhorse by hiring solid genre writers and a real director . ( while we ', re at it  put that visor back on laforge ! ) for three hundred years  the ba ', ku species ( who look just like humans ) have lived on a ringed - planet that might as well be called the fountain of youth . six hundred of them occupy the briar patch  the area affected by metaphasic radition  a positive energy that reverses the aging process in the elderly . but evil ru ', afo ( this is probably abraham ', s last stop before performing " amadeus " at a dinner theatre near you )  leader of the son ', a ( who look just like burn victims after reconstructive surgery )  wants to relocate the ba ', ku and movie his people onto the briar patch in their place  in order to replenish his dying breed . the federation is all for this  but picard feels this is a direct violation of the prime directive : to not interfere with the development of an alien race . ( never mind that the ba ', ku didn ', t exactly evolve - they went wandering in the universe one day and stumbled upon the magic world . ) every time frakes gives an interview lately  he seems to top whatever ludicrous statement he last gave regarding this installment . he has called it a comedy  a thinking man ', s picture  a throwback to the old series  and  most grievously  he has likened it to a john ford western . ( i presume that ', s some john ford he went to school with  not the director of the searchers . ) he has also gone on record as saying paramount recut the film from his version . that ', s no excuse - someone generated this footage . muddy cinematography and sitcom sets are the least of its problems ; star trek : insurrection appears to have been beamed in from the planet plotholia . consider such curiosities . . . picard ', s love interest  anij ( donna murphy )  can slow things down by staring at them ( such as a waterfall or falling rocks ) - her scientific explanation for this ? " don ', t ask . " worf gets a pimple ( he ', s re - experiencing klingon puberty thanks to the time - defying atmosphere )  laforge regains his eyesight ( trust me  levar burton ', s real eyes are scarier than those electronic lenses he wore in first contact ) and troi brags about her firm boobs  but picard remains as bald as an android ', s butt . most suspiciously  what exactly is the problem with letting this endangered race have a little fun in the sun ? the filmmakers cloud the issue with some nonsense about a family feud of sorts  and they also turn ru ', afo into a completely power - mad superfreak  just so the characters will have something to do in the climax . ( and if you ', ve seen return of the jedi  you ', ve seen the ending of this movie . ) didn ', t picard himself previously disobey the prime directive when he prevented the borg from assimilating millions ? frakes lucked out with first contact  and repeat viewings of that film reveal the seeds of what went wrong in his direction of insurrection : he has no sense of comic timing  and he mines for acting chemistry where none exists . ( take a look at the painful " troi gets drunk " scene in fc and you ', ll get the general idea of insurrection ', s unsuccessfully jokey and hollow tone . ) even the worst shatner and co . treks  like the final frontier  maintained a watchability thanks to the effortless  charming comaraderie between kirk  spock  and bones . neither first contact nor insurrection has any idea what to do with crusher ( gates mcfadden  whom i must say maintains a fabulous physique )  troi  or laforge . and all three next generation films spend too much time on data  who is the franchise ', s answer to urkel . need a cheap laugh ? have data say something sexual  or start singing  or lift up a four hundred pound boulder as if it ', s the hunk of styrofoam it really is . here ', s my proposed title for number 10 : data star data trek : data data data data data . in this movie  data will become preoccupied with learning to blow his nose  while crusher and troi watch silently from 500 yards away and laforge points his sinister gaze at the android in doubly robotic observation . star trek : insurrection had one nice  eerie  silent moment that hints at a better  darker film . i ', m not saying all of them should be star trek ii : the wrath of khan  but this one boldly went where no movie should go again .
neg this is one of the worst big - screen film experiences i ', ve had for a while . with this film  plus ` showgirls ', and ` basic instinct ',  paul verhoeven has stamped himself as currently one of the worst blockbuster directors . his celebrated film ` total recall ', was ? i admit ? successfully scripted  but it nonetheless contained directorial flaws . obviously nobody wanted to invest too much money in a production from someone like verhoeven  the result being that much of the special effects in ` starship ', seemed fake . but not everything bad in the film was the director ', s fault  even though he was one of the guys who employed the actors . it is surprising that none of the actors received nominations for the razzie awards ( i expected five for the acting categories ) . casserole vanity devoid  dense ribald  dingy miasma  and jackass bushy are in serious need of acting school . no  they have to pass primary school drama classes first . while ` total ', was written well  ` starship ', is purely pathetic . all right  it is supposed to be a fast - paced entertainment film  and you ', re supposed to turn off your intellect ( completely ) and enjoy the action sequences and special effects ( that is  guts and gore ) . as a matter of fact  i found the activity incredibly boring  a complete waste of more than two hours . half of the film was a bad episode of ` beverly hills 90210 ', ( dina meyer was in " beverly hills " )  while another quarter was simply nothing ( things like presenting irrelevant information in an irritating way on the web )  and the rest was a display of humans fighting computer - generated images . the battles were all the same ? jumping around  shoot or get stabbed ? and on barren planets that only had giant insects . there weren ', t even any stunts  which i consider slightly more exciting than pictures running around . i wonder what the insects eat  if there ', s nothing but them on the planets ? there is so much laughable treatment in this film  and it is frankly not amusing when jokes are intended . this type of story is obviously aimed at 10 - year - olds  who can ', t see it anyway because of the violence and some sexuality . but then  there are always 16 - year - olds who have that frame of mind . the pointless plot begins when johnny ', s ( vanity devoid ) girlfriend carmen ( richards ) decides that she wants to join the troopers to fight the insects who are throwing asteroids at earth . johnny then signs up as a trooper also  after an overacted argument with his parents . but there is another girl  dizzy ( meyer )  who likes johnny and then there is another boy who likes carmen  which results in a love quadrangle  which isn ', t better  because it means augmented worse - than - stereotyped soap opera  increased bitchiness  and more bad beverly hills + melrose . and the result of this love quadrangle at the end is also rather stupid . anyway  getting back to the thing you might call plot  johnny is too stupid to be a pilot and has to join the infantry  while his girl and the other dude are in the same league . dizzy comes chasing johnny and joins the infantry also . they then start training  which contains what roger ebert calls ips ( idiot plot syndrome  moments when only an idiot would have made such obvious mistakes )  then real combat . and guess what ? that ', s about as complex as it gets . oh  and one of their friends  carl ( neil patrick harris a . k . a . doogie howser m . d . )  becomes involved in war intelligence  and his abilities at the end are really corny and make me want to spray insecticide on someone for it . he ', s my fifth nom for a razzie . the troopers fight  fall in love  die  kill  and try to act . naturally  they win  or sort of half - win . of course  in between ( and at the end ) there are soldiers chatting and smiling while carrying grievous wounds caused by bug legs . the bugs also suffer from ips : why would you release hold of your captive before killing it ? isn ', t it also amazing that earthlings haven ', t invented better hand - held weapons by then ? the only question that remains is why i gave it one star instead of zero . well  maybe a - quarter ( of a star ) for the originality of the co - sex shower scene and the ( very ) brief moments of suspense  another quarter for copying ` zulu ', and letting the good guys ( the bugs ) win  and half a star for the sucking - out of the brain of one of those people who call themselves actors ( but there should have been more  the troopers deserved to die ) .
neg phew  what a mess ! for his fifth collaboration with director rich - ard donner ( lethal weapon i - iii  maverick )  mel gibson plays a motormouth  maybe mentally ill new york city cabbie  jerry  whose wild conspiracy theories are all but ignored by alice ( julia roberts  acting all serious )  the justice department employee that he has a crush on . she not interested  but another person is : a cia psychiatrist ( patrick stewart ) who promptly kidnaps him . is one of jerry ', s conjectures correct ? * is * the metal strip in the new $ 100 bill being used to track your movements ? is oliver stone still alive  because he cut a deal with george bush to spread * dis * information ? is this movie really about * any * of the crazed cabbie ', s theories ? no  no  and no . as it turns out  there ', s some other nonsense going on here  involving and revolving around jerry ', s background . ( hint : pay attention to an early scene where jerry blacks out and flashes back  in quick succession  to images of an interrogation room  hypodermic needles  and ms . roberts herself . ) the * initial * premise is pretty good and is played  for a while  at a delightfully dizzying clip . mel is wider - open that we ', ve ever seen him and  if his character ', s relationship with roberts ', initially strains credibility  their combined star power is blissfully intoxicating . ( the highest wattage of the summer  perhaps ? ) even when the plot contrivances begin to intrude  the two remain a randy dandy screen pair . there ', s a great scene in jerry ', s fortress  er  apartment  with alice trying to act casual as her hyperactive host tries to remember the combination to a locked coffee bean container . ( which he stores in another locked con - tainer  his fridge . ) other hilarious moments  of which there are many  include a trio of memorable convention - breakers  where alice ditches a tail  jerry cold - cocks someone  and  later  eludes a foot pursuit  each in a uproariously unexpected fashion . ( that ', s donner ', s own ladyhawke playing in the theater  btw . ) let ', s see  other pleasures include . . . a brilliant title sequence  a jazzy score from carter burwell  and the worth - paying - to - see sight of roberts pumping lead into one bad guy and slamming another ', s head into a wall . oh  pretty woman ! getting to the latter  however  requires slogging through an increasingly overburdened and ultimately unappealing story . the last hour of conspiracy theory devolves from tolerable to torturous to almost unwatchable . more stuff happens of the stupid shit variety than is worth mentioning here  except  perhaps  for a late sequence that has alice locating jerry in an abandoned wing of a mental hospital by hearing his voice carrying through the air ducts . and here i thought it was wabbit season . good god  who rewrites these movies ? and do they arrive in nondescript black vehicles ?
neg in french  the phrase " film noir " literally means " black film . " webster defines it as " a type of crime film featuring cynical malevolent characters in a sleazy setting and an ominous atmosphere that is conveyed by shadowy photography and foreboding background music . " classic film noir  including such memorable fare as " the big sleep  " the original " cape fear  " and orson welles ', striking " a touch of evil  " employed black and white photography to emphasize the long shadows associated with the genre . color came into play with neo - noir films like " chinatown " and " blade runner . " " l . a . confidential  " easily the best film of 1997  is a wonderful piece of contemporary neo - noir filmmaking . for a textbook example of how to take all the elements of neo - noir and create an absolute mess  there ', s " palmetto . " based on " just another sucker  " a short story written by british author rene raymond under the pseudonym james hadley chase  " palmetto " shows what happens when a filmmaker puts style ahead of substance . director volker schlondorff ( " tin drum  " the handmaid ', s tale " ) stated " we weren ', t even sure for a long time if it was going to be a thriller or a comedy . " it shows . " palmetto " is too preposterous too be taken seriously as a thriller and too ponderous to work as a comedy . the story begins when journalist harry barber ( woody harrelson ) is released from prison . someone turned state ', s witness and revealed that harry was framed  a " reward " for blowing the lid on corruption in the small florida town of palmetto . bitter and broke  harry plans to hitchhike to miami and start his life over  but ex - girlfriend nina ( gina gershon ) appears to return him to palmetto . while hanging out at a bar  he notices that a beautiful woman has left her purse in a phone booth . harry pockets her cash  only to have the woman reappear and catch him with her money in his pocket . no problem  though . the radiant blonde is rhea malroux ( elisabeth shue  ) the young wife of a very rich older man with heart problems  and she has a proposition for harry . rhea needs " a threatening voice and someone to collect the ransom " for the staged kidnapping of her teenage stepdaughter odette ( chloe sevigny . ) the girls want to bilk a half - million dollar " ransom " from the old man and will happily give harry $ 50  000 for helping with the scam . things go wrong  of course . odette is found dead  leaving harry frantically trying to dispose of the corpse and cover his tracks . in an ironic twist  harry is asked to work for the local d . a . ', s office . they need a press liaison to field questions about odette ', s kidnapping and feel that harry is the perfect man for the job . not a bad set - up for a noir film  if only schlondorff knew how to handle the material  but he never settles on a consistent tone . the actors don ', t know what to do with their characters either  muddling the proceedings even further . as if that wasn ', t enough  the story suffers from major problems in logic . woody harrelson is a talented actor with an admirable willingness to take on risky parts  but he ', s lost here . presented as a crusading journalist who was horribly wronged  it makes no sense that harry would be stupid and dishonest enough to get caught up in this scheme . harrelson clearly doesn ', t know what to do with harry ', s character  so he spends most of the film glowering  sweating and generally acting miserable . meanwhile  elisabeth shue gives a goofy performance  behaving like a vamp on nitrous oxide . as the stepdaughter  chloe sevigny lays on so many slurpy quirks that she comes off like juliette lewis jr . despite a number of steamy scenes  there ', s no chemistry between harrelson and the women . to make matters worse  schlondorff badly dubs in dialogue while the character ', s lips are running over each others bodies . two particularly bad scenes highlight the film ', s problems . while driving with a body in his trunk  harry has a minor car wreck and a cop shows up . the officer wants to help change harry ', s flat tire and asks him to open the trunk . harry ', s pathetic attempts to keep the trunk closed might have worked if played as comedy  but under schlondorff ', s grim direction  the scene is just embarrassing . the film ', s nadir comes when a bad guy prepares to kill harry and nina . we ', re supposed to be horrified watching our hero dangling over a bathtub filled with acid  but by this point the film has foundered so badly that the scene is merely reminiscent of when jessica and roger rabbit were suspended over a vat of dip . had " palmetto " been played with tongue firmly in cheek  it might have been an entertaining shaggy dog story . but under the harsh direction of schlondorff  the film is just a sluggish paint - by - numbers exercise in neo - noir cluelessness . avoid this nonsense and go see " l . a . confidential " instead .
neg plot : lara croft is british  rich and kicks a lot of ass . she also likes to raid tombs but when the illuminata discover that all nine planets are about to stand in alignment for the first time in 5000 years  and that lara holds the key to time  well  needless to say  they want to nab it from her . oh yeah  lara also likes to sport a lot of tight shirts . . . hummana - hummana - hummana . . . critique : angelina jolie was great in this movie . there were also about three " action scenes " that were pretty cool to look at in this film . uhhhhhm  unfortunately the rest of the movie sucked ! bad dialogue  generic sidekicks and bad guys  a lame mystery  yoda - esque moments with mumbo - jumbo being sprouted about and even some crappy cgi near the end . all in all  this movie wasn ', t the horror show that some of the early reviews had warned us about  especially since every other scene does feature jolie ', s torpedoes begging to burst out of her lucky shirts  but it was quite the letdown nonetheless  especially when you consider the major opportunity that the filmmakers had here to create a cool  hip woman hero  based on a popular video game . i don ', t know  i guess you have to put most of the blame on director simon west  who didn ', t really tie the whole movie together all that well . the film lacked energy  a consistent pace and well . . . a fun time ! i felt kinda depressed while watching this movie . all that " father " crap was horrible and the dialogue given to poor john voight to recite was just plain embarrassing ( and i ', m not even gonna mention his moustache . . . hehehe ) . why have this shite in the movie at all ? ! ? i especially hated the scenes in which some ghost - like figure  friend or child would ramble on about lara croft ', s father while all the time  i ', m not giving one ounce of crap as to what they ', re talking about . i guess that ', s called lack of " character development "  right ? that ', s when a movie builds enough background into the characters on the screen  so that we could actually " get into " it and care about them . i didn ', t care about anyone in this movie  and was bored during most of its " let ', s explain why we ', re doing all this gobbledygook " moments . and even though i thought that jolie kicked some mighty ass ( damn  did she look sexy blasting those guns or what ? ! ? )  everybody else around her was so goddamn boring ! her butler was a throwaway with no personality  her side - kick was supposed to be funny but just annoyed me every time he said the word " bugger " ( and he says it a lot  trust me ! ) and all of the so - called bad guys just spewed one - dimension ! they had no spark  no energy amongst them  and even though a few of the action scenes in the movie were cool ( see the trailer and you ', ll know which ones i ', m talking about )  the overall picture was lame and the dialogue and mystical bull - crap just buried it even further . also  for a movie that ', s supposed to be about all of these exotic locations  i wasn ', t necessarily impressed by any of its exterior shots  and even less so with its interiors  which all looked like they were shot in the same room . mind you  i won ', t go as far as to say that it ', s the " worst movie of the year " ( remember that i actually have to go see freddie prinze jr . movies also ! )  but it ', s definitely the worst film that i ', ve seen during this summer movie season ( of course  it ', s still early and i ', m sure there are a few more garbage heaps coming down the pike ) . skip this one altogether and rent any of the indiana jones movies instead . . . trust me  you ', ll miss the boobs but end your night with some rock - solid porn and it ', s all good ! where ', s joblo coming from ? raiders of the lost ark ( 10 / 10 ) - the mummy ( 8 / 10 ) - lost in space ( 7 / 10 ) - the mummy returns ( 6 / 10 ) - the general ', s daughter ( 3 / 10 ) - romancing the stone ( 7 / 10 ) - wild wild west ( 3 / 10 ) - mission impossible 2 ( 7 / 10 )
neg it happens every year -- the days get longer  the weather gets warmer and the studios start releasing their big - budget blockbusters . this year ', s crop already seems inferior to that of past summers  even 1997 ', s lackluster trio of batman & robin  the fifth element and the lost world . the marketing blitz in 1998 has been centered on godzilla ( " heeere  lee - zerd  lee - zerd . . . " )  which doesn ', t make me optimistic about future summers . godzilla is  of course  based on a series of cult movies ( translation : really bad movies only a few people can tolerate ) from japan that turn up really late at night on ted turner - owned cable stations . that this big - budget remake won ', t rise above its roots is fairly obvious . the credits show us the origin of godzilla . in five words : nuclear explosion creates giant lizard . sounds like an enquirer headline  doesn ', t it ? the mushroom cloud is followed by the inevitable " discovery " sequence . this time  a japanese guy is eating noodles with chopsticks while watching sumo wrestling ( if that ain ', t a stereotype . . . ) when he discovers the telltale radar blip . people die . cut to our protagonist  played by matthew broderick . he makes his first appearance wearing headphones  warbling along to " singin ', in the rain . " it ', s a none - too - subtle sign that he wishes he were in a classier movie . no dice  bueller . from the beginning  poor matthew has to do embarassing things like fondle giant earthworms and stand in godzilla ', s enormous footprint . every disaster movie has to have a know - it - all scientist  and this time broderick is it . as the world ', s leading expert on radiated earthworms ( and wouldn ', t you love to have that printed on your business card ? )  broderick is invaluable to the government . he immediately dispels vicki lewis ', theory that godzilla is a dinosaur because  hey  you can ', t take seriously the intellectual arguments of " newsradio " cast members . broderick instead hits the nail on the head  announcing godzilla is a radiated lizard . " the radiation isn ', t an anamoly  " he announces  and lightning strikes . " i believe this is a mutated abberation  " he continues  and lightning strikes again . it ', s vocabulary lightning  you see  activated by words of four syllables or more . meanwhile  we ', re introduced to our new york cast  headed by an ambitious broadcast journalist ( maria patillo )  broderick ', s former love . gee  what are the odds their paths will cross again at a dramatically important time ? poor patillo has been trying to get ahead in the news business for years but has been held down by heartless anchorman harry shearer . italian cameraman hank azaria tells her she ', s not ruthless enough : " nice doesn ', t get you anywhere in this town . it ', s dog eat dog . " actually  it ', s lizard eat city  as godzilla emerges from the atlantic to begin a rampage on the big apple ', s core . the filmmakers provide us with a one - note drunk fisherman who hooks godzilla . " i think i ', ve got a bite  " he announces as a gigantic tidal wave begins rushing toward him . you can guess what happens next . similar reactions spring forth as the monster prowls the city . hearing the rumble of approaching footsteps  one new yorker remarks  " please don ', t tell me that ', s another parade . " please don ', t tell me that ', s the best line you could come up with . mayor ebert is not pleased . played by the principal from " head of the class  " he continually makes the wrong decision when given an option  and bickers with his assistant gene . i guess the filmmakers knew they ', d be getting two thumbs down from the critics and didn ', t even bother to kiss ass . the problem is  if you ', re going to attack siskel and ebert  you should at least make it funny . dialogue like  " didn ', t we agree that we weren ', t going to have any sweets until after the election ? " followed by  " back off  gene  " just doesn ', t work for me . other lame running jokes include everyone mispronouncing the broderick character ', s last name and frenchman jean reno ', s inability to find a good cup of coffee in new york . there ', s even more fun to be had as godzilla progresses . as the beast heads back into hiding  broderick suggests the military lure it out with food . cue twelve dump trucks  all dropping fish into a new york intersection . ( broderick : that ', s a lot of fish . ) that ambush fails  but broderick soon figures out why godzilla came to new york by buying $ 50 worth of home pregnancy tests and running lizard blood through them . yep  godzilla ', s with children  which makes you wonder just what kind of creature would be horny enough to have sex with godzilla . that ', s until broderick explains that godzilla reproduces asexually  like linda tripp . godzilla comes to us from the makers of independence day  so it has a lot of dumb action scenes  destructive special effects and shallow subplots . look no further than patillo ', s betrayal of broderick ( patillo : what have i done  animal ? what have i become ? ) and the climactic " godzilla ', s nest " sequence in madison square garden . the main difference is  independence day was about the experience . it had a real global  patriotic element to it  and some genuinely fun characters . godzilla has lots of rain and lightning  reptilian action ripped off from jurassic park and endless product placement from the likes of kodak  blockbuster  juicy fruit  swatch  sprint and bumble bee tuna . yes  bumble bee actually paid to be known as the official tuna of godzilla . that fact alone is twice as interesting as anything in the movie .
neg i heard actor skeet ulrich discussing this film in a couple of interviews  and in both instances  he felt the strange compulsion to compare it a little series of films called lethal weapon . now  i personally remember those films as a ) starring a major motion picture star b ) being funny c ) having great action sequences d ) great chemistry e ) decent character development . hmmm . . . . okay . . . now on to my review of chill factor . plot : a graveyard shift regular working joe and ice cream truck driver fall onto a malicious plan by an ex - army general  to propose a nuclear device to international prospects . when the device suddenly falls into their reluctant laps  they must keep it cool on ice  and rush it over to an army base  before the contraption ticks over 50 degrees fahrenheit  and kills millions of people . critique : " speed on an ice - cream truck " is probably the pitch that was used to sell this one - tone movie to its backers  but unfortunately  the only way that anyone could compare this film to that tension - filled  original two hours of cinema  is in its distinct honor of being the complete opposite of what that film  and the lethal weapon movies  stood for . this film is seasoned in cliches  with plenty of badly written dialogue  over the top acting from cuba gooding jr .  zero chemistry between the two leads  and horribly tacky bad guys  tossed in to complete an overall bad movie recipe . my friend and i enjoyed watching this movie to a certain extent  because some of the lines in it were so bad and obviously " written "  that we just had to crack up . that  and the formula for the film ', s script which followed the proverbial 1 - 2 -  and you guessed it . . . 3 scenario ! and what about all those catchy  hip names to get us to relate to the characters . . . . " elvis " and " nighshift "  oh what talent lies in the minds of these screenwriters ( and yes  it actually took two guys to come up with this regurgitated drivel ) . it is unfathomable to me as to how actors skeet ulrich and cuba gooding jr . got involved in this one - week - old - blue - cheese - smelling project . did they actually think that it would boost their careers  or did they know that the script sucked  but discounted any fall from grace  knowing full well that the stack of cash in their back pockets would pad their fall ? most probably the latter . have you seen either fled or bulletproof ? well  despite the slight differences in plot  the essentials are basically the same here . you get a black guy and a white guy being chased by a bunch of people  having no choice but to work together to get somewhere  hating each other at first  but over time  learning to respect one another as individuals . yawn . add to that  the fact that our film actually has bad guys who are all dressed in black  drive black cars and black vans  and run around with all kinds of telecommunicative devices sprinkled around their head . not too conspicuous  eh ? call me a party - pooper  but as much as i like a nice cheezy movie as much as the next guy  this film just doesn ', t even try to do anything original or reasonably entertaining . one cool scene with a boat careening down a mountainside  and another with a nuclear device obliterating everything on an island  do not a fun  buddy - action flick make . show cuba the money  everybody ! : ) little known facts about this film and its stars : this is not a little known fact or anything  but damn  is it just me or does skeet ulrich look an awful lot like great - looking actor johnny depp ? skeet ', s real - life nicknames include chester  skeeter and mosquito . he stands 6 ', 1 "  was born in north carolina  and got married in 1997 to that sex - kitten actress from clay pigeons ( 7 . 5 / 10 )  georgina cates . they own a farm together in virginia and seven dogs . skeet has a long scar on his chest from open - heart surgery done when he was 10 to correct a ventricle defect . actor cuba gooding jr . was born in the bronx  new york . in 1984  he break - danced during the closing ceremonies of the olympic games in los angeles . he stands 5 ', 10 " . actress hudson leick  who plays one of the " bad guys / girls " in his movie  is better known from her role as " callisto " on the popular tv series " xena : princess warrior " . this film reportedly had a budget of $ 40 million ? ? i ', m not exactly sure where all this money went  but it certainly did not register onscreen . interestingly enough  director hugh johnson  who makes his big screen debut with this film  was the cinematographer on the 1996 film white squall and the 1997 demi moore vehicle  g . i . jane ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) .
neg it is with some sad irony that i screened fright night part 2 on the day that one of it ', s stars  roddy mcdowall passed away at the age of 70 . mcdowall was one of the most talented and prolific actors in hollywood  having a career that spanned over 60 years and appearing in more than 100 films . fright night part 2 probably will not be counted among his more memorable roles . this is really sad considering how good the first fright night film was . william ragsdale and roddy mcdowall both reprised their roles as the somewhat reluctant vampire killers who seem to be the only ones that realize that vampires walk among us . ( at least in the movies anyway . ) it has been several years since charlie brewster ( ragsdale ) and b - movie actor turned late night horror film host  peter vincent ( mcdowall ) came face to face with a real live vampire who just happened to be charlie ', s next door neighbor . charlie and peter won that battle  but apparently even vampires have relatives who get pissed if you kill members of their family . apparently charlie ', s former bloodsucking next door neighbor had a sister who was none too pleased to find out that some kid and an aging actor staked her sibling . so she decides to exact a little bit of revenge . this ends up forcing charlie and peter to battle the forces of darkness yet again . one of the things that made fright night such a success was chris sarandon who played charlie ', s stylish next door neighbor with a taste for blood . fright night part 2 tries to duplicate that modern style but it falls sort . while they are stylish  the vamps in this film just don ', t have the personality of the undead in the first film . with the exception of a werewolf who adds some much needed comic relief to a few of the scenes . one bright spot  speaking from a strictly sexist point of view  is traci lin  who plays charlie ', s very skeptical girlfriend . it ', s really a shame that her career hasn ', t been better since she made this film . ragsdale does a fair job in this film  but doesn ', t give nearly the performance that he did in the original . roddy mcdowall makes the most with what he is given  which unfortunately isn ', t much which is a shame because his character was a lot of fun in the original movie . i guess i would have to say that the first film was a superior product in every way . the original always left you feeling danger was lurking right around the corner  part 2 had more of the feel of a music video . never a good thing for a horror film . another minus for part 2 was the traditional scenes that leave the audience on the edge of their seats waiting for something to jump out of a shadow where very rare . for that matter  they were almost nonexistent . if i was going to watch a horror film  this would be far from my first choice . the first fright night  on the other hand  would be right up near the top of my list . if i was in the mood for a roddy mcdowall film i ', d probably head to the science fiction section of my local video store and rent planet of the apes . either way fright night part 2 would most likely not enter into the equation .
neg sometimes a stellar cast can compensate for a lot of things  and " pushing tin " certainly features some name stars who are going places : billy bob thornton  cate blanchett  angelina jolie  and oh yes john cusack who might not realize it at first  but he ', s actually the * veteran * among this quartet of fine - looking people . sometimes a terrific cast like this can compensate for a lackluster screen treatment of an idea that has " hip comedy " written all over it  compensate for workmanlike but uninspired direction  compensate for an obnoxious score that would have anyone but the tone deaf screaming for the exits  compensate for clich ? d characterizations  compensate for embarrassing " you have to be joking " situations . etc . in " pushing tin  " thornton  blanchett  jolie  and cusack don ', t have an earthly . from the opening sequence the film is in big trouble : squiggly  " quirky " credits  fake - looking passenger planes circling new york  and anne dudley ', s in - your - ear music making us wonder how she ever got that best original score nomination for " the full monty  " let alone won it . but i  for one  wasn ', t ready to walk just yet . so quickly we descend into a tightly - edited air traffic controllers montage which screams to us in large capital letters these people have a difficult job  yes  what with their frantic  mile - a - minute instructional personas  juggling planes and passenger ', s lives like some huge  real  mid - air video game . hip  cool  demonic auctioneer nick " the zone " falzone ( cusack ) is the best in the biz . of course . until some hipper  cooler  leather - clad flyboy assist in the guise of russell bell ( thornton ) shows up to challenge falzone ', s finite air space . boys will be boys and some heavy duty testosterone starts exuding  then the macho one - upmanship begins . it doesn ', t stop with seeing who can juggle three 747s within a cat ', s whisker of each other . oh no . there are some broken hoop dreams  some wanna - see - how - fast - i - can - drives  and then the ultimate showdown : was that my wife i saw you with last night ? director mike newell ( " four weddings and a funeral " ) must have read a different draft of this script because the one that ', s being acted out up there between newark  jfk  and la guardia doesn ', t have an ounce of subtlety  and newell has made some awfully good - and funny - movies before . the antics of these air traffic controllers will make you cringe . they ', ll make you frown in disbelief . they ', ll have you constantly looking at your watch . but wait ! there ', s still 100 minutes to go ! ! the film ', s only saving grace is blanchett  whose connie falzone is a spunky  brash  long island housewife who wants to better herself by taking art classes . this is a wonderful accomplishment for the fine actress who has previously played a red - headed australian gambler ( " oscar and lucinda " ) and a tempestuous british monarch ( " elizabeth " ) . but she ', s not enough to save the picture . thornton looks terrific and performs solidly but his character is a joke . jolie ( as russell ', s knock ', em dead wife ) isn ', t bad  but the up - and - coming actress disappoints by allowing herself to be displayed like a plaything . cusack cracks gum  dons shades  and acts hip throughout but  like everything else in the film  his performance is forced . in the last ten minutes or so  for some inexplicable reason  things start coming together and you begin to get a sense of how this film might have been  like the trailer teases . but it ', s too little too late . a fine cast aside  " pushing tin " is nothing more than an embarrassment .
neg the most depressing thing about the depressingly pedestrian james bond film " the world is not enough " is its final frame : white letters on a black background proclaiming " james bond will return . " oh i certainly hope not . with pierce brosnan in his third and reportedly last go - round as james bond 007  " the world is not enough " is the best example to date that " ', enough " is enough . in this  the 19th chapter in the seemingly - endless franchise featuring ian fleming ', s debonair british secret agent who likes his martinis -- and his nemeses -- shaken not stirred  the sub - inspired screenwriters have chosen to rehash all of the setups  stunts  and sexy encounters of the previous 18 bond flicks rather than coming up with anything the slightest bit original . we ', ve got previously - used speedboat chases  ski chases  and sticky situations aboard nuclear submarines . we ', ve got a couple of hot - to - trot babes without an ounce of acting ability between them . we ', ve got a post - cold war megalomaniac bent on world domination slash destruction ( here played by a skinheaded robert carlyle with mean  lean panache ) . and  as has been the case since 1977 ', s " the spy who loved me  " we ', ve got a plot that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything conceived by mr . fleming . we ', ve also got a main title song by garbage to which  with very little effort  you can fit the lyrics to * both * songs from " tomorrow never dies . " while originality was never the series ', strong suit  the films were almost always fun  with at least some thought going into the nonstop stunts . i can ', t think of one memorable set - piece in the entire -- and very dull -- " the world is not enough . " in addition  michael apted ( yes  the respected director of such films as " coal miner ', s daughter  " " nell  " and the " 28up " documentary series ) takes embarrassing advantage of the full range of bond clich ? s . you get the " talking killer " plot device -- you know the scenario : the bad guy has the good guy at his mercy yet waxes poetic just long enough to die of old age . and you get a slew of high - priced assassins who can ', t hit a barn door at 20 paces : in the film ', s opening minutes ( of an endless 128 )  bond chases a sultry sniper along the thames and the leather - clad lovely fails to hit bond ', s souped - up " fishing boat " with a bazooka when he pulls within a few feet of her . later  she takes off in a hot air balloon with bond dangling from a guy rope beneath her but is still unable to take him out . these reliable absurdities are more frustrating than usual since there are no distractions other than occasional ads for luxury automobiles  vodka  or credit cards . in and among the rampant product placements  brosnan grapples with carlyle  " braveheart " ', s sophie marceau ( as former kidnap victim slash heiress elektra king ; she ', s terrible )  " wild things " ', denise richards ( as a nuclear physicist lord help me ; she ', s laughable )  and judi dench as m . dame judi brings the only shred of dignity to a series that has long since jettisoned its self - respect ( about the time roger moore inherited bond ', s walther ppk ) . brosnan goes through the motions with the grace and charm you ', d expect of the former " remington steele " star  but even he has to be thinking there ', s more to life than an easy paycheck . he ', s given plenty of wiseacre asides to deliver  but only one of them -- " i don ', t know any doctor jokes " -- made me chuckle ( although " i thought christmas only comes once a year " is more in keeping with the series ', penchant for grown - worthy puns ) .
neg when walt disney pictures announced a live - action feature based on the ', 60s cartoon series of " mr . magoo  " special interests groups representing the vision - impaired let out a cry of dismay . mr . magoo  they claimed  would be an insult to the men and women they represented . in fact  they were wrong . mr . magoo is not just an insult to the blind and near - blind  it ', s an insult to every human being who has the misfortune to suffer through this dreadfully unfunny  90 minute atrocity . it ', s stating the obvious to remark that disney appears to have run out of original ideas . look at their roster of 1996 and 1997 releases  and you ', ll see a shocking list of retreads  including 101 dalmatians  george of the jungle  jungle2jungle  that darn cat !  flubber  and now mr . magoo . the best of these ( george of the jungle ) was mildly entertaining . the worst  mr . magoo  exposes just how painful a bad movie experience can be . the first problem with mr . magoo is the script . despite the collaboration of naked gun scribe pat proft  mr . magoo is comically barren . from beginning to end  there ', s not a laugh to be found . every attempt at humor -- and there are lots of them -- falls flat with an audible thud . you ', d think that out of the dozens of gags jammed into this film  at least a few would work  but that ', s not the case . i ', ve had more laughs during ingmar bergman pictures . then there ', s leslie nielsen  who looks  sounds  and acts absolutely nothing like the animated character ( memorably voiced by jim backus ) . in the past  nielsen has proven his comic aptitude with roles in movies like airplane and the naked gun . lately  however  he has been getting lazy  taking parts in the likes of dracula : dead and loving it  spy hard  and mr . magoo . even if nielsen was in top form  it would take an incredible stretch of imagination to see him as magoo ( especially since we ', re reminded of the original by the short cartoon segments that open and close the film )  but " top form " is not a phrase i would use to describe his performance here . this is strictly a take - the - money - and - run operation . the story  which  like many disney stories  can be described in one long sentence : magoo is the only witness to the theft of a rare jewel from a museum  and  as he is trying to apprehend the thieves on his own  the police mistake him for the robber . the cops are played by ernie hudson and stephen tobolowsky  who take their lumps early and often . the bad guys are kelly lynch ( who does a lot of martial arts - type kicking )  nick chinlund  and malcolm mcdowell ( who has the good sense to look embarrassed ) . matt keeslar portrays one of magoo ', s sidekicks -- his nephew  waldo . the bumbling man ', s other  more interesting companion is a dog named angus . most of mr . magoo ', s humor comes in the form of failed slapstick . the cartoon violence level in this film doesn ', t approach that of home alone 3 or flubber  but it ', s still pretty acute  with characters getting hit on the head with sledgehammers and knocked off snowy precipices . there ', s a non - violent bit with magoo preparing a chicken dinner that could have been funny if it was handled better  but  compared to mr . bean ', s recent  similar misadventure  it doesn ', t hold up well . then there is the series of lame jokes that result from magoo ', s near blindness  such as the occasion when he mistakes a wild animal for a baby . i ', m willing to cut director stanley tong a little slack . tong  a hong kong film maker trying to break into the hollywood market  has helmed several jackie chan movies  including first strike  rumble in the bronx  and supercop . his chief talent  that of choreographing martial arts fights  is wasted here ( despite some high kicking by kelly lynch ) . like john woo ( hard target ) and ringo lam ( maximum risk ) before him  it appears that tong has been consigned to the purgatory of making a bad movie as his entry into the american mainstream . it is worth noting that  unlike many disney films which hold a perverse appeal for the under - 10 crowd while driving parents to distraction  mr . magoo appears to bore viewers of all ages . the screening i attended was wall - to - wall kids  and  for the most part  they didn ', t seem to be enjoying themselves . when the film was over  i asked one little girl what she thought of it . her pained expression confirmed the adage that a picture can indeed be worth a thousand words . mr . magoo is the kind of movie that should be rejected by any potential viewer  sight unseen .
neg david spade has a snide  sarcastic sense of humor that works perfectly on the tv sitcom just shoot me . it also served as a good showcase for him when he co - starred  opposite the late chris farley  in tommy boy and black sheep . lost and found marks the comedian ', s first attempt at going solo in a movie  and it also reveals that when spade doesn ', t have a reliable back - up system  his brand of humor seems more desperate than one may expect . david spade is not the problem with lost and found . he plays dylan ramsey  the sweet main character  to the best of his abilities . the story revolves around dylan ', s obsessions with his beautiful new neighbour  lila dubois ( sophie marceau  from braveheart )  and her terrier named jack . dylan believes that the best way to a woman ', s heart is through her dog . and so he kidnaps jack  planning to stage a fake rescue  in hope to win lila over . there are three good things about lost and found . the first is spade . the second is sophie marceau  a lovely actress who ', s been planted into the wrong movie . lastly  there ', s the dog  who is used here in a similar context to puffy from there ', s something about mary . unfortunately  director jeff pollack finds more humor in putting jack through a cycle in the drier than he does with simply making him look cute . this kind of physical humor is dead . pollack does everything but beat the poor pooch with a baseball bat to get laughs  and this procedure is cheap  unfunny and resoundingly cruel . this is where i start to get fuzzy . also in this unusual blend is ( apparently ) a sweet - natured love story between dylan and lila . given the mean - spirited comedy that the movie is obviously striving for  i found this hard to swallow . and  why does dylan even deserve someone like lila  after kidnapping her precious dog and putting it through such pain ? predictably  lost and found opts for a happy ending  one that feels so sentimental  gooey  and rings so false that it sets off a siren in your head that makes you feel a bit cheated . david spade ( who also co - wrote the movie ) tries hard  so very hard  to make this project amusing . there are some choice scenes that are quite funny  but the movie is only sporadically funny . patrick bruel plays the stock character of rene  the pompous jerk who also wants to win lila over  with his good looks and money . jon lovitz and martin sheen are welcome additions in two tiny supporting roles . despite a few positive attributes  lost and found just doesn ', t work . if you ', re searching for an enjoyable romantic - comedy  you could do far better than this obvious  misguided failure that shows a blatant disregard for what it ', s trying to present .
neg 9 : its pathetic attempt at " improving " on a shakespeare classic . 8 : its just another piece of teen fluff . 7 : kids in high school are not that witty . 6 : the wittiness is not witty enough . 5 : the comedy is not funny . 4 : the acting is poor . 3 : the music . 2 : the poster . 1 : its worse than she ', s all that ! 10 = a classic 9 = borderline classic 8 = excellent 7 = good 6 = better than average 5 = average 4 = disappointing 3 = poor 2 = awful 1 = a crap classic
neg sometimes i wonder just what the censors are thinking . take this film  " naked killer "  among it ', s ingredients are heavy doses of violence  rape sequences  straight and lesbian sex scenes and what our system calls " coarse language " . but what do those intelligent people at the censorship bureau choose to remove in case someone will get offended ? one word - penis . that ', s it . in spite of everything else in the movie the one thing that the censors decide is too much is " penis . " . it really restores you ', re faith in the system  huh ? anyway  that ', s just a side point . when naked killer was released in the local independent cinemas around melbourne  it was advertised ad nausuem as a hip  cool  controversial thriller . what they forgot to mention was that it isn ', t very good . the plot involves male cop tinam ( simon yam )  investigating a series of brutal murders . while getting a haircut he meets and finds himself attracted to a girl named kitty ( chingmy yau )  who  after extracting revenge on the man who killed her father  falls in with professional killer sister cindy ( svenwara madoka ) . realising kitty has potential  cindy decides to train kitty in several unusual and ridiculous ways and gives her a new identity . however in the course of his investigation tinam ( who believed kitty had disappeared )  runs into her again  but isn ', t quite sure if it ', s her . to complicate matters the actual serial killlers  princess and baby  who a former students of cindy  and have been told to kill their old master and her new student . from then the action ensues . . . all in all  this is not a well done movie . the script is awful  the direction all over the place  the editing is jerky and confusing and the subtitling is surprisingly poor . however the are a few stand alone pieces that do entertain . the shoot out in the car park is almost woo - like in adrenaline . the fight scenes are energetic and i guess it must get a few points for trying something a little different . let me put this way  if you like action - get something else  if you like strong women in movies - get something else  if you have do decide between this and " black cat " for your hong kong female action - don ', t get either . even for curiosity value it just isn ', t worth it . let ', s face it - if ever the was a movie that became popular on it ', s subject alone  this is it .
neg after seeing blaze and driving miss daisy  i was ready for some mindless fun -- oh  maybe something like tango & cash . maybe not ! mindless fun is one thing  but brain - dead slop is another matter altogether . tango & cash has " lowest common denominator " written all over it . the movie stars sylvester stallone and kurt russell as rival undercover cops in l . a . russell plays cash  a reckless slob who dresses in jeans and tee shirts . stallone plays tango  a wealthy investor who works on the force strictly for the thrill of it ; he doesn ', t need the money . in an effort to change his image  stallone goes for a yuppie  gq look in the film  wearing spectacles and three piece suits . the two detectives reluctantly become partners after they are framed for murder and have to break out of prison to clear their names . tango & cash is unbearably noisy . for starters  there ', s harold faltermeyer ', s annoying synthesized score  which gets old after four notes . to make matters worse  the filmmakers seem to think that when it comes to loud explosions and screeching cars  the more the merrier . in fact  the movie begins with not one but two car chases . there ', s nothing like a good old car chase to introduce the characters in a movie . screenwriter randy feldman ', s brain must have gone to mush from watching too many cop shows on tv . his shockingly stupid screenplay undermines anything and everything the movie has going for it  such as stallone ', s efforts to convince you that tango is an intellectual . in a movie with the iq level of an amoeba  even a great actor is going to have trouble looking intelligent -- and stallone is no lawrence olivier . it ', s hard to imagine anyone reading feldman ', s script and thinking  " i want to be in this movie . " the film ', s plot doesn ', t have one original bone in its body  and -- again -- you have to point your finger at the screenwriting . feldman ', s story line succumbs to every crime thriller cliche in the book  making tango & cash altogether generic and predictable . they simply could have called it " action movie . " every character  every twist and turn  is stolen from television or from other movies . adding insult to injury  tango & cash is about as believable as a " road runner " cartoon . action movies don ', t have to be realistic  but they should absorb you enough so that you ', re not thinking about the lack of realism . the only artistic aspect of tango & cash is the cinematography . there are some spectacular shots  especially during the rainy nighttime prison break in which tango and cash slide to safety on electrical wires . the film ', s main draw is the chemistry between stallone and russell . unfortunately  their relationship rarely progresses past macho competition as they endlessly bicker about who packs more meat in his pants . the dialogue consists of nothing but one - liners  and consequently the attempts at character development are embarrassing . it ', s a shame because with a workable screenplay  russell and stallone could have turned tango & cash into a charming " lethal weaponesque " adventure . tango & cash tries to maintain a light tone  and you do laugh about once every five minutes . seeing russell in drag is the movie ', s funniest moment  but you probably already have seen it in the commercials . furthermore  the light tone does not sit well against the relentlessly brutal violence . machine guns and torture generally don ', t mix well with comedy . jack palance appears in tango & cash doing what he does best : playing a sleazy  conniving villain . his character  however  is run - of - the - mill  except for his strange obsession with mice . like many movie villains  palance likes to play games . in fact  he sets a ridiculously elaborate trap for tango and cash  a trap which sends the two detectives to prison so they can be beaten and electrocuted by some meanies in the boiler room . you have to wonder why palance doesn ', t just shoot the detectives in the head ! the story would crumble if any of the characters were to do anything intelligent . teri hatcher plays stallone ', s sister and russell ', s love - interest  and she is just as pretty as can be . but regrettably  hatcher ', s acting is not on par with her exceptional beauty . every time she opens her mouth  you cringe ; corny dialogue and atrocious acting are always a fatal combination . there ', s really very little  if anything  to recommend in the film . and  more to the point  tango definitely isn ', t worth a penny of your cash -- so don ', t bother .
neg in " the 13th warrior  " arab poet ahmed ibn fahdlan ( antonio banderas ) finds himself kicked out of baghdad for feeling up the king ', s old lady . with his translator ( screen legend omar sharif in a small role )  ahmed heads north to act as ambassador to the northmen ( vikings ) . he finds a group of warriors mourning the loss of their king . a messenger soon arrives from another kingdom requesting assistance . a soothsayer says that thirteen warriors must answer the summons  twelve northmen and one outsider . thus  ahmed becomes the " 13th warrior . " on the trip  ahmed manages to learn the vikings ', language by listening to their fireside conversations . a bit far - fetched  it ', s true  but we have to swallow it if this flick is going to manage a few lines of dialogue amidst the grunting . ahmed  who ', s called " ibn " by the vikings  forms friendships with herger the joyous ( dennis storh ? i ) and the viking leader buliwyf ( vladimir kulich ) . when they arrive in the other kingdom  the thirteen warriors discover that they ', re facing an army of supernatural cannibals that live up in the caves . hereafter  most of the movie is battle scenes : the cannibals attack the vikings  the vikings attack the cannibals  the cannibals attack the . . . well  you get the idea . just to add some action  there ', s also a viking vs . viking duel . other movies insert scenes between the fights ; these scenes are called character development . i suspect that " the 13th warrior " had a better script at one time and that it fell through the cracks because of the tag - team direction . the movie started off in the hands of john mctiernan ( you ', ll notice a lot of similarities between " warrior " and mctiernan ', s " predator  " including the chittering jungle sounds ) . somewhere along the line  mctiernan bailed and michael crichton took over . crichton  whose novel " eaters of the dead " is the basis for " warrior  " has directed a small assortment of goofy science - fiction " thrillers " : " westworld  " " coma  " " looker  " " runaway . " their result of their consecutive efforts is a murky and pointless movie . perhaps what " the 13th warrior " needs more than anything else is a villain . the " eaters of the dead " are a faceless mob in blackface . they have no personality  and by the end they don ', t even seem particularly threatening . the audience has no target toward which to channel its aggression . mctiernan should know about the importance of an interesting villain ; it was his " die hard " that made villains seem fun and attracted big - name stars to the evil roles in action films . " the 13th warrior " suffers from a lack of vision . it wants to be " predator " meets " braveheart " meets " the magnificent seven " meets " dances with wolves . " with so many competing goals  all it can do is echo what it might have been . it might have been a satisfying action film . it might have been a beautifully - rendered medieval epic . it might have been a thought - provoking examination of the meeting of cultures . what a shame it turned out to be nothing in particular . bottom line : if you want to see antonio swing his sword  rent " the mask of zorro . "
neg there isn ', t much good about this movie . not much i can say about the acting  directing  or writing that would make you consider seeing this movie . so i ', ll get my one good comment out of the way  at least joel schuemacher ( batman & robin ) didn ', t direct it or it would be titled " technicolor city " . in fact there is nothing colorful about this movie  its dark and depressingly gloomy right down to the bitter end . the plot has a tendency to be interesting  but all that passes while your laughing at the ridiculous things thrown into what could have been a fascinating movie . the plot is impossible to explain due to how senseless it gets  so i will just touch on the bare minimum . john murdoch ( rufus sewell ) awakes in the bathtub of a cheap hotel  only to find out he has forgotten everything . john must find out who he is before the " strangers " ( a . k . a . mind erasing aliens ) find him and use him for their own evil conspiracy . during the film some interesting points are raised about human individuality  and the existence of inherently evil people . any of these points however are completely " erased " from your mind as you watch the actors stumble through the dreadful script . as i mentioned earlier  nothing but the atmosphere is right in this film . the acting is bland  and since there is virtually no character development no one seems to care . the special effects are low budget and some even hilariously fake  a sign of a true " b - movie " . the direction is poor and there is little continuity  not that you would expect it in a movie switching realities constantly . lastly the script is weak and has no concept of reality  and doesn ', t deserve to have the word " science " in science - fiction . if i haven ', t got my point across  i ', ll say it more plainly : this is a bad movie . lets hope the next movie by alex " i wish i was tim burton " proyas is at least tolerable .
neg " varsity blues " is the best film of 1999 thus far . unfortunately  it is also the first film i have seen from 1999 . it is another one of those small - town sports movies that involves a flawed  but good - heartedfrom 1999 . it is another one of those small - town sports movies that involves a flawed  but good - hearted protagonist ; a rough and meanspirited coach ; and the " big game . " by the end  will the underdog overcome great odds and triumph ? will everyone in the town turn against the coach ? will the team win the climactic game ? do cats bathe themselves regularly ? the so - called " hero " in question is john moxin ( james van der beek )  a senior at west canaan high school who plays for the varsity football team  but is really just hoping to get a scholarship at brown university so that he can get out of the dead - end town . at least he ', s got the right idea  since west canaan  texas is portrayed in the film as  frankly  pathetic  with the whole town treating the weekly football games as the second coming . heck  in one scene  the front page of the town ', s newspaper is proclaiming about the west canaan badgers ', big win the night before . when the team ', s star quarterback is severely injured  tearing the ligaments in his leg  john finds himself taking over as the team ', s leader  but his few minutes of glory do not last long  as he begins to have problems with his girlfriend ( amy smart ) when she discovers he spent an evening with another girl ( ali larter ) . and after staying out all night with his drinking buddies at a strip joint ( all of the teenagers in the film are portrayed as raging alcoholics )  the team loses their second - to - last game  putting john at feuds with the coach ( jon voight who  like gary oldman  is overstaying his welcome in the typecasted role as the " bad guy " ) . worse yet  the coach is threatening to ruin john ', s scholarship chances if the badgers don ', t win their final game . the plotting of " varsity blues " is as old as the hills  and contains every cliche in the book . admittedly  i was never exactly bored while i was watching it  but i hasten to add that i was rarely ever entertained . throughout  all i could really think of is how virtually the same exact story had been filmed with a great deal more thoughtfulness and maturity in 1983 ', s " all the right moves . " one of the biggest problems i had with the film is how little of interest any of the characters actually were  least of all certainly not john  who  played by van der beek ( of tv ', s " dawson ', s creek " )  is pretty much a bore without any engaging qualities . while i probably shouldn ', t blame this on van der beek  since the inauspicious and " by - the - numbers " screenplay by w . peter iliff isn ', t of any help  he is still certainly not in the league of tom cruise in " all the right moves . " the story revolving around john  meanwhile  is extemely thin throughout  particularly for its 104 - minute running time  and it alternates between uninspired comic relief ( as in when the students see their sex education teacher working as a stripper at the club ) and heavy - handed melodrama . the romance between john and his girlfriend had the potential to be an adequate subplot  but we also learned very little about her  which is unfortunate since amy smart  whom i don ', t think i ', ve seen before in past films  is probably the only character written with any sort of intelligence . smart does not allow her character to become the " passive girlfriend  " instead coming off as a young woman with her own ideas and opinions . it ', s too bad the camera didn ', t linger on her long enough so we could hear some of those thoughts . the adult characters probably fare the worse of any  since they all must play residents of a dim - witted town that cares about nothing but football . john ', s relationship with his parents can also be telegraphed far in advance . his father is set on him becoming a football player at a university  but john doesn ', t want any part of that . his mother stands beside her " big  strong husband " and is a passive female . finally  jon voight plays the stock bully coach character and he does nothing to make the thankless role any more than one - dimensional . saving " varsity blues " from being a total washout are a few amusing sequences  including one set in the sex education class  which did get a laugh out of me . the scenes of playing football were well - shot and thankfully didn ', t overstay their welcome  as many sports films fall victim to . but leaving the theater  the question i had in my mind was why did this film need to be made ? i seem to be asking this question quite a lot lately  since the same old stories seem to be cranking out of hollywood . do we really need another high - school sports film ? no  we don ', t  and certainly not one of this low - caliber  which felt like a cut - and - paste job of spare parts from much better  but similar  films . " varsity blues  " no doubt is the first one  however  to include an earnest scene in which one of the characters is only wearing whipped cream on their private parts .
neg for a film touted as exploring relationships and black sexuality  trois is surprisingly tame . despite it ', s lurid subject matter and it ', s passing nod to fatal attraction  it moves along with flat  uninspired dialogue as it sets up a surprising climax that tries mightily to overthrow the considerable dead weight of the rest of the film . freshly moved to atlanta  jermaine ( dourdan ) and his wife  jasmine ( moore )  have the trappings of a perfect life . they have a beautiful house in suburbia . jermaine is a lawyer on the fast track at his firm . jasmine is his supportive wife  who is finishing up her college degree . in an opening montage via a home video of the pair  we see the unremarkable story of their marriage and early marital triumphs . this is a couple that has it all . into this eden slithers the lure of lust . despite his outward appearance  jermaine reveals himself as selfish and covetous of his wife more as a possession than a person . a glimmer of his true nature peeks out during an early sex scene with his wife as he goes about his business  oblivious to jasmine ', s concerns . we also find that he has been relentlessly asking jasmine to participate in a menage - a - trois  much to jasmine ', s dismay . as jermaine puts it  " don ', t you want to be sexually free ? " jermaine shares his desire with co - worker terrence ( smith )  who obligingly sets jermaine up with a woman who might be interested in just such an encounter . the woman  jade ( palmer ) is a direct counterpoint to jasmine . jade  at one point was a college student  too . unlike jasmine  she found herself pregnant  dropped out of school and now struggles to make ends meet . to further reinforce their differences  it ', s revealed that jade is involved in a custody battle over her son . inevitably  through liquor and a touch of duplicity on jermaine ', s part  the forbidden act is consummated . the aftermath of the encounter sidesteps into fatal attraction territory as acts of violence are perpetrated upon jermaine ', s property with the hint that the violence may escalate . by this point  trois shows itself to be a soap opera without the requisite melodrama : a fatal attraction without the social significance . the exploration of relationships is strictly superficial and stereotypical . jermaine comes off as insincere  sexually driven and selfish . jasmine is bland and subservient . jade comes off a bit sympathetically  but that is negated by her moral bankruptcy . yet another tale of a sexually aggressive " dog " of a man who imposes his will upon his accommodating  innocent mate . the last 10 minutes will undoubtly throw you a curve  but by this point  will you even care ? if the rest of the movie was as dynamic as the ending  perhaps there could have been some freshness to it . as it stands  trois is pretty standard fare .
neg " mission to mars " is one of those annoying movies where  in the middle of the movie  you get the sneaking suspicion that the reason the trailer looks so good is because they showcased all the best parts of the movie : all five minutes of it . " mission " * does * give you payoff ; but when it does come  it ', s too little  too late . " mission " has some good ideas  but they get lost in the unbearably boring delivery  dime - a - dozen dialogue  and spate of good actors wasted in cardboard - cutout roles . i ', m sure the director and writers were very proud of each hallmark moment they came up with  so they stretch each dramatic moment out like silly putty until it loses all its charm . glances don ', t communicate any deeper emotions just because you draw them out for five hours on end . the film spends an hour on this kind of stuff  building to its climax . a lot of it is a cliched glorification of family relationships  marriage  friendship  unite we stand divided we fall kind of crap . there are some spectacular special effects sequences in this film  and i give it points for trying to stay true to the science i know ( trying is the key word here ) . the sequence with the martian demonstrating their history is oddly beautiful and touching  but as mentioned by then we ', re so sick of the goddamn thing we want the movie to be over . great design  good intentions  but no cigar . if you ', re not a die hard sci - fi  fx or jerry o ', connell fan ( his character is the only one who has some semblance of character )  don ', t waste your eight bucks on this . and what the hell  tim robbins died halfway through the movie  in a stupid way too . that ', s just unforgiveable .
neg my friend here in film school just made a two minute - long film for one of his classes that includes a staged anal rape scene  done by two guys and shot on the shadow of the incident  with a banana being used as the instrument of penetration . as sick as this all is  watching it is one of the most admittingly hysterical moments i ', ve ever witnessed . sure  it may be in bad taste  but what the hell is bad taste other than something that may be offensive to some but is riotously amusing to the rest ? then there ', s " caligula . " this film features incest  necrophilia  beastuality  anal rape  homosexual felatio of both sexes  elaborate and lengthy orgies  a greased - up fist forced up a man ', s rear  wine poured down a man who ', s had his urinary tracts tied off  a penis chopped off and fed to hungry dogs  etc  etc  etc . this could very well be a respectable film  and if could have been had the following not occurred : a ) the events were graphically shot in clear view ; b ) the tone was not that of trying to shock comically but to  well  show " historical accuracy ; " c ) the film was a 20 million dollar production with lavish sets  a rather impressive cast  and a whopping 2 1 / 2 hour running time . produced and funded by none other than bob guccione  owner of penthouse magazine  " caligula " comes across as the most hysterical dramatic picture since " plan 9 from outer space " because underneath there ', s a sense that everything this film is doing is not only accurate and justified  but also brilliantly entertaining . after all  it ', s not really the fact that this film features the aforementioned disgusting moments  but that it actually believes in them as dramatic weaponry . no film should be discarded because its content  because film is never about what it ', s about  it ', s about how it ', s about ( as the old cliche goes ) . those who bash this film for content are glancing over the biggest and most obvious problem with " caligula  " and that ', s that it ', s nothing but overdramaticized bullshit from start to finish  without a second of credibility in its mammoth running time . " caligula " allegedly tells the true story of the evil roman emporer of the same name  a man who was so insanely decadent that his assasination came as a blessing . . . or so i guess  even though almost every single roman emporer was assasinated as well and for much the same reasons . the film opens on the wrong note  of course  with a quote from mark appearing before any image graces the screen  using the over - used passage " what shall it profit a man if he should gain the whole world an dlose his own soul  " depite the fact that the opening scene of the film is of the emporer before he was an emporer  fucking around with his own sister in a field ( i suppose if one has to lose their soul  one has to have a soul in the first place ) . the plot is so incomprehensibly done that all i or anyone else can make out of it is that caligula ( disastrously played by the great malcom mcdowell  a performance that does the opposite that his performance in " a clockwork orange " did ) is next in line for the throne but can ', t wait for the current emporer  tiberius ( peter o ', toole - ditto  only for his performance in " lawrence of arabia " )  his grandfather  to die . . . so he kills him and ascends to the throne . then he abuses his position  marries a woman ( helen mirren  who retains her dignity as an actor by not exactly acting ) so he doesn ', t just have to sleep with his sister ( a dreadful teresa ann savoy  there to be pretty  naked  and willing to hop in the sack with mac or anyone he asks her to hop in with )  abuses his position a little more  a little more  and a little more  and then  i believe  invades england  then is killed off . the filler  instead of recounting his life  is supposed to be  as guccione claims  the ultimate portrait of decadent pagan rome  complete with orgies  vicious deaths  and lots of nudity . but instead of being the historical accurate film it really really wants to be  it instead becomes guccione ', s twisted masturbatory image of what it could be like . oh  isn ', t it great that they just loved having sex ? and that they killed people so disgustingly ? and wouldn ', t it be great if i could make a couple bucks by selling this shit off as accuracy even though it ', s so blatantly real bad porn that i ', ve completely convinced myself that it ', s not . i mean  why not just show a roman orgy when i can spend a good ten minutes examining every single facet that makes it up . and it ', s not just that it ', s disgusting or vile or whatever adjective you want to use to describe this film - it ', s that in a film where the entire feel it ', s going for isn ', t felt  it ', s also the sloppiest expensive movie of all time . the sets are lavish  but so blatantly innacurate that i wonder if no historian wanting to have his name on this film explains this . but that doesn ', t matter since the cinematography is so dark that you wonder if a light meter was used at all  making this not only dark and ugly  but just plain dark . the camera operation is also the worst i ', ve ever seen in my entire life . not only does this film hold the record for the most unnecessary zooms in one single shot ever  but often the camera will lose its subjects and pan around till they find them  then have them out of focus . the editing is so sloppy that some scenes are absolutely impossible to follow . there is no writer to speak of ( what the hell does it mean that it ', s " adapted from an original screenplay by gore vidal ? " )  but nevertheless  the dialogue is shit  so laughably bad that i can ', t in good faith believe that anyone with an iq over 5 could say them with a straight face ( my favorite being the line when caligula inquires the doctor about the health of the dying tiberius : " he could go at any moment  but with care  he could last a year or so . " ) the music in this film is mostly prokofiev and khachaturian ( they use his gorgeous " adagio of spartacus and phrygia  " ad nauseum )  used in an attempt to give the film some emotion  but instead feels as if it was shipped in from elsewhere . the orgy scenes ( and one infamous lesbo scene between penthouse pets lori wagner and aneeka dilorenzo ) are the result of reshoots by guccione himself  which are so obviously removed from everything else in this film that it only adds to the embrassment ( every five seconds or so  the film cuts to random nudity  as if it was afraid its audience would forget this film is rated " x " ) . john gielgud represents the only voice of sanity  walking around in his brief role as if he was constantly the mantra  " i ', m going to kill my agent  i ', m going to kill my agent . . . " and so on and so on  for over 2 1 / 2 hours  making " caligula " about as exciting and enriching as a three hour college lecture class and twice as deliriously annoying . guccione  in his pursuit of historical accuracy has instead made a film that is such a painstaking  arduous task to watch in its entirety that i doubt anyone can sit through an hour of it without irreversible psychological damage . throughout the entire film  the presence of guccione is easily felt  as if he were standing there at the edge of the screen  pretentiously looking down upon us saying " look what i can get away with ! and if you don ', t like this  then you ', re a prig  and worse than that  you know nothing about history ! " uh huh . there ', s a clear difference between historical accuracy and doing something that ', s artistically good . a film which showed roman decadence as something that was perhaps liberating for some but could not last - that would probably make for a good film . but using historical accuracy as a licence to get away with any kind of disgusting - for - disgustingness "'-", sake acts is total  total bullshit  and all i can say is that guccione and the makers of this film have lost any kind of touch with either entertainment or eroticism  and have developed a pathetic and sadistic taste for both  judging from this film . there ', s a film that came out in 1989 called " the cook  the thief  his wife  and her lover  " a magnifcent film by legendary cult director peter greenaway ( also starring helen mirren )  which deals with graphic sex  heartstopping violence and gore  and even a little cannibalism for good measure . that film not only never patronized its viewers  but also handled them in a way that was shocking  yes  but also  in a bizarre way  entertaining and totally involving . there were real characters there in a real situation  and best of all passion and just the right amount of restraint as not to get off on the fact that it ', s going to be offensive to many . that film achieved everything it wanted to do  and has since retained a status as one of those cult films that is not only popular but actualy good . and it ', s everything " caligula " might have been but  alas  wasn ', t .
neg remember back in the mid 1990s when crime and macabre movies were all the rage ? " pulp fiction " and " fargo " both managed to get oscar nominations for the best picture  and not surprisingly  a slew of rip - offs followed in the years thereafter . that fad seems to be over but here comes christopher mcquarrie writing and directing " the way of the gun " that at first glance looks like another of those wanna - be ', s but upon closer inspection doesn ', t look like anything comprehendable . it ', s a crime story so wrapped up in its own little world it has a claustrophobic atmosphere - a film that won ', t allow the story much room to expand outside its handful of characters and somehow still manages to turn a simple premise into something so complex its ridiculous . complexity should come as no surprise to anyone who ', s familiar with mcquarrie  he wrote " the usual suspects  " which has become a cult favorite despite little critical acclaim . that film had a great story and was well directed but had such an elaborate  confusing screenplay it leaves many viewers scratching their heads after repeated viewings . you have to wonder if mcquarrie really had everything mapped out or if he was going for the hollywood idea that " if it ', s really confusing and about criminals and cops that makes it fascinating . " with " the way of the gun " mcquarrie seems to be capitalizing on the same idea  but this time the story is far less commercial - a shame because maybe that would have helped . the film tells the story of two drifters with no ambition and barely a reason to live but aren ', t hell - bent on death either ( played by ryan phillipie and benecio del toro ) . they get lucky when they hear about a scheme between a big - shot exec guy and his trophy wife who are going to have a baby through in vitro fertilization . they figure they can kidnap the surrogate mother ( played by juliette lewis ) and get a nice ransom . along the way we continually learn of the shady dealings between the exec  his wife  their hired goons and the " bag man " ( played by james caan - the only actor in the film who looks like he knows what he ', s doing ) . the exec is some kind of money launderer so he obviously can ', t call the authorities for help . his goons and the bag man are on the kidnappers ', trail and each make different offers to get the mother back . the exec ', s son is a doctor who also gets pulled into the fray and wants to make sure his patient is all right . meanwhile each of these characters has something hidden up their collective sleeves and the double - crosses  secret love affairs and torrid pasts come as no surprise even though little of it has any relevance at all . mcquarrie doesn ', t know the meaning of the word simple . he seems to be more interested in showing us how clever he is than making a good movie . everything has to be complicated and confusing  so much so that it ', s to the point of surrealism . nothing is what it seems in this reality  it ', s one of those movies where you get dropped right into the middle of the criminal world and are expected to know most of the industry ', s rules and regulations . every scene with caan ', s character exemplifies this perfectly - the kidnappers already know who he is and even chat with him  getting into conversations about " the business " and how it works and we ', re hardly given a clue as to what they ', re talking about . these characters are probably supposed to be great criminal sketches but they ', re more like ideas ripped - off from sketches found in david mamet ', s trash . no one here really acts like a real person  and the story is even further removed from reality . it ', s like a dream without any appeal . take the opening scene for example ; the phillipe and del toro characters are in a parking lot across the street from a bar or a club counting their money and stuff . they sit on a brand - new mercedes and the car alarm goes off  the owner is waiting in line and yells at them to get away from his car but they don ', t move . the guy and his loud - mouth  potty - mouth girlfriend and about 20 other people cross the street and gang up on them . you ', d think phillipe ? and del toro are ? going to pull out guns and scare them away but they don ', t  instead phillipe throws one punch and the two get beat down by a mob . there ', s a lot of things i didn ', t understand about this scene : first of all the owner of the mercedes isn ', t some yuppie or old rich snob  he ', s like a hippie straight out of the 60s . secondly  the two main characters seem to believe that they can actually take on the mob unarmed . lastly  it serves no purpose in the long run because later in the film the two are packing more artillery than a small country ', s army . if they were suicidal they wouldn ', t have gone on the kidnapping job in the first place ( and where they get all those guns is never explained either ) . there ', s a lot more i could pick apart about this film but that would be an exercise in futility . what it all comes down to is that nothing here is what it seems - which would be great if this movie were about pretty much any other story than what it is . absolutely none of the characters are likable or believable . and it ', s all coated with a thin layer of black comedy which is good for a chuckle here and there but this film is definitely not a flat - out black comedy and its use of such seems like a desperate attempt to kill screen time . with any film you see  whether you like it or not  you can at least understand what the appeal was to it  why someone would want to make it and why someone would want to see it . i can ', t say either for " the way of the gun  " because it has very little going for it and i can ', t imagine anyone intelligently defending it .
neg _dirty_work_ has a premise of deliciously mean - spirited potential . mitch weaver ( norm macdonald ) and his lifelong best friend sam mckenna ( artie lange ) are losers in life : they were constantly picked on in school  and now they cannot hold regular jobs . but as the trailer goes  " there is one thing mitch weaver is good at -- revenge . " so he and sam parlay their unmatched skill in getting - even schemes into a marketable revenge - for - hire business called dirty work inc . this should be the groundwork for a wonderfully wicked black comedy  but for a film called _dirty_work_  what ensues is rather clean of spirit . in fact  what makes mitch and sam start up their business is not a giddy desire to give bullies a taste of their own medicine  but rather a more sappy reason : sam ', s father ( jack warden ) needs a heart transplant  and in order for him to move at the top of the recipient list  his compulsively betting doctor ( chevy chase ) asks the guys for $ 50  000 to pay off his bookie . so for all the scheming that goes on  beneath every underhanded plot is -- gasp ! -- a heart  which undercuts the inherent nastiness of the premise . not that there isn ', t a lot of nastiness on display -- there is  but of a different sort . there are frequent sexual references  most prominently in the form of prostitutes and sam ', s impotent father ', s ongoing lust for them . and for a film rated pg - 13  director bob saget ( yes  that bob saget  of _full_house_ and _america ', s_funniest_home_videos_ fame ) and writers frank sebastiano  fred wolf  and macdonald himself  stretch the boundaries of good taste rather far -- arguably a bit too much so ( was not one  but two separate instances of sodomy between animals really necessary ? ) . but the issue  of course  is not so much of taste as it is humor -- as in  is it funny or not ? the answer is a resounding no . it ', s not that macdonald isn ', t a funny guy . he was one of the more consistently funny performers on _saturday_night_live_ before his much - talked - about firing  and his dry brand of smartass wit translates well to the big screen ; it also doesn ', t hurt that he ', s a natural  likable screen presence . he is able to give some of his lines a nice acid touch  but  for the most part  the oneliners  as written  are flat  and the broad slapstick gags just don ', t work ( one running gag has him being literally tossed out of buildings -- a real riot ) . still  macdonald ', s few shining moments are just about the only moments the film has . the late chris farley  as hysterical as he ever was  is amusing in a cameo role  but  as a whole  the supporting players are amateurish and seemingly free from any directorial guidance . saget tries to juice up the proceedings with kitschy cameos by gary coleman  adam sandler  and john goodman  but their minimal novelty value cannot prevent _dirty_work_ from sputtering to the end of its brief 81 - minute running time . the film closes on a sad note of desperation  an indulgent reel of outtakes from which only those involved in the production would derive any amusement . come to think of it  i cannot imagine anyone but those involved in the production to find much amusement in the entirety of _dirty_work_ .
neg america ', s favorite homicidal plaything takes a wicked wife in " bride of chucky  " and their unholy matrimony is something old  nothing new . the burning question on the minds of most moviegoers  however  has nothing to do with nuptial specifics or even how the movie stacks up  but rather whether or not the duo gets down and dirty on their blood - soaked honeymoon . the answer is a sick - and - twisted yes - and viewers are treated to a shadowy glimpse of some hot - enough - to - melt - rubber ( or at least singe it ) lovin ', . guess they ', re anatomically correct . chucky ( again voiced by brad dourif )  of course  is the star of the " child ', s play " series  a my buddy - type doll possessed by the spirit of a slain serial killer . in " bride  " the plot ( heh ) picks up with his girlfriend tiffany ( jennifer tilly ) resurrecting chucky ', s remains ( he was blown up at the end of " child ', s play 3 " ) with the help of a black arts manual called " voodoo for dummies . " silly mortal . before long  she ', s also been reduced to shin - high figurine status  and the plastic incarnations of these one - time lunatic lovebirds hit the road to scope out some potential new human bodies . the rest of this rocky horror puppet show plays out as tiff and the chuckster stalk a young couple ( nick stabile and katherine heigl ) with conjugal plans of their own  leading them towards a new jersey grave where a magical  soul - transferring amulet allegedly lies in wait . along the way  our murderous barbie and ken go through post - marriage motions similar to any given pair of newlyweds - bicker  argue  kiss and make up . but when they squabble over who ', s going to do the dishes  watch out . hey  even faux people have got to work through their problems . director ronny yu keeps the mayhem flashy and stages an inventive scene or two  but not even visual flair can make up for the fact that these creepy kewpies are neither scary nor menacing . when one of them charges  it ', s nothing a good forward punt couldn ', t take care of . and when a climactic chase scene is needed  one of the dim - bulb protagonists must _pick_chucky_up_ so the demonic toy can force his hostage to run at gunpoint . throw in some silly casualties and a ridiculous ending ( will " son of chucky " be next ? ) and this is a bizarrely bad 89 - minutes at the movies . as is the thing to do in post - " scream " slasher cinema  don mancini ', s screenplay slathers on the in - jokes and genre - parody . but little of the humor succeeds  proving self - reference can be completely worthless when it lacks bite . to be fair  though  most of " bride of chucky " is on auto - pilot  so it ', s not quite right to single out one misfired aspect of the film . similarly shaky  the acting ranges from screeching camp to boring bland  the effects aren ', t that special and the story is one big groaner . here ', s hoping chucky and his entire clan - past  present and future - rest in peace .
neg this is the first film in what would become the most successful series of horror films of all time . a fair warning to those of you who might be inclined to watch this movie for the first appearance of everyone ', s favorite goalie - mask - wearing homicidal maniac . jason  the guy who single handedly controlled the overpopulation problem around the crystal lake area  doesn ', t start his quest to find the most interesting household item with which to kill someone until the sequel . while he does have a small role in this film  we the audience have to depend on another blood thirsty maniac to rack up the body count . the plot  like every other friday the 13th movie goes something like this -- crazed killer murders as many unsuspecting teenagers as he / she / it possibly can in the space of a 90 minute movie . the reasons that the afore mentioned unsuspecting teenagers come into contact with the bloodthirsty killer are usually of little importance to the story . but for those of you out there that might actually care about such trivial matters in a movie such as a plot  here are the basics . a bunch of unsuspecting teens get a summer job at a long closed summer camp . they are days away from the arrival of the kids and they are spending their time fixing the place up and making sure it is ready for the kids . sadly  they start being butchered one by one by the bloodthirsty killer . at this point i would usually say something about the quality of acting  directing or maybe something about the high quality of the production . since i ', m not going to do that  feel free to assume that if i did  it wouldn ', t be positive . i will say that this movie looks as if it was made for about a hundred bucks  and that includes the actors ', salaries . if you are used to recent horror films like scream  you are in for a bit of a surprise . the only saving grace for friday the 13th is that it was really the first of its kind  with the killer taking real pride in their work . using as many methods of murder as they could . none of this single murder weapon stuff life that unimaginative leatherface in chainsaw massacre  or the creatively stifled imagination of halloween ', s michael myers who just used brute force or a really big kitchen knife . nope  in the friday the 13th movies  you can always count on the killer taking great pride in his work . one fun fact about this movie is that the cast includes a very young kevin bacon  although after this movie it is a wonder he ever worked again . the main reason to see friday the 13th is if you want to watch all of the series from the beginning . if not  stick with the later films with jason  everyone ', s favorite hockey fan . friday the 13th is the sort of movie that is fun to sit down and get a couple of scares from  just don ', t sit down expecting a whole lot .
neg there ', s a good  and timely  story trapped deep within the excess of murder in the first  a new movie about the abuses of our prison system . with a country wrapped up in feverish debate over the crime issue and the rights of the accused and the incarcerated in jeopardy  this expose would offer something rare to recent american movies -- a point of view . but director marc rocco makes it clear from the beginning that pretentious  often nauseating  camera movements and slick  mtv - style lighting and editing are far more important . there ', s not a moment in the picture where he surrenders technique for pure storytelling . and everything suffers . christian slater and kevin bacon star as defense attorney and alcatraz inmate  respectively . after spending an unprecedented amount of time in an isolated cell for attempting to escape  bacon murders another prisoner and faces trial . his young lawyer ( slater ) is fresh out of law school but determined to " put alcatraz on trial " for the abuses of it warden ( gary oldman ) . the result is the usual courtroom theatrics - imagine a stanley kramer production shot by hyperactive film school students . there ', s very little to praise here outside of kevin bacon ', s earnest overacting and the appropriate story . there ', s a lot of overacting from everyone -- you know you ', re in trouble right away when r . lee ermey ( the drill sergeant in full metal jacket ) is cast as a judge  the center of reason and moderation . slater has never been convincing and certainly isn ', t here and oldman is on a bad streak of hammy performances . but the worst feeling you get while watching murder in the first is that the man behind the camera could care less about telling a good story . there are long exchanges of dialogue where the camera is not even moving near the characters  let alone with them . how frustrating it must be for actors to work under these conditions . if there ', s anything that has alway distinguished american films over the rest of the world  it is our ability to tell a good story . have we forgotten ?
neg this is the worst movie i ', ve viewed so far in 98 . the avengers = silly = man dressed in a bowler hat + woman wearing tight leathers > evil scientists dressed in teddy bear suits + greater evil  sir august de wynter wearing kilt . the question is what could have gone wrong with a potentially great idea with big name cast ? the same question was probably asked of last year ', s stinker batman and robin . i feel the production got a little too smug  the script a little to smart and direction was somehow lost in the chaos of random events that collided together to form a movie . my greatest criticism rests on the fact that there was no chemistry between emma peel and john steed ( thurman and fiennes ) ? something that was a vital element of the 60 ', s tv serial of the same name . the dialogue goes on and on about tea and other finer british perks  but does not allow much room for character development and interaction  except to perhaps grate on the viewer ', s nerves . one wonders why the dynamic pair bother kissing in the end except for pure english formality . connery as sir august  does not fair better than thurman or fiennes . his dialogue is as erratic as stormy weather  mostly embarrassing and poor quality . if there is a movie you would prefer never to see  i believe the avengers would be a good choice . for one thing  you will not have to witness a product that is far inferior to the three high profile names that is associated with the title . i cannot understand how something so poorly produced could have been released  but i put it down to one of those freak happenings in nature  like lightning you can ', t see it coming until it hits you .
neg synopsis : big - breasted and dim - witted sculptress britt gets really mad at her grad student boyfriend because he spends too much time on his thought - transference experiments instead of her art showings . elderly  evil scientist everett longstreet switches minds with britt ', s boy  in the meantime  and goes completely mental . comments : naked souls opens with a naked woman  and the movie makes no illusion that it ', s a sci - fi vehicle designed to show pamela anderson ', s  um  talents . if you are really interested in seeing anderson ', s talents  however  i suggest you skip over this dud and watch the infamous pam and tommy lee honeymoon sex tape  now available on home video . at least with that " movie  " you don ', t have to go through the painful experience of watching pamela try to pronounce multiple syllable words like " eclectic . " a premise does exist in the movie . basically  while anderson wears skimpy clothes which barely contain her talents  she practices her art -- brilliantly slapping plaster of paris on naked women . her boyfriend  meanwhile  spends 20 hours a day in a morgue trying to view the memories of dead prison inmates because this will " make a difference to humanity . " whatever . the movie fails to explain how these two hooked up . be grateful . after we meet the evil everett longstreet  lots of technobabble and mystical mumbo - jumbo get tossed about  pammy has sex replete with cheesy make - out music  and minds get transferred . never fear  though  pammy uses her sharp mental abilities ( ahem ) to save her boyfriend in the end . unfortunately  no one saves the movie . avoid this would - be sci - fi thriller  unless you ', re in for a good laugh or two .
neg mr . bean  a bumbling security guard from england is sent to la to help with the grandiose homecoming of a masterpiece american painting . the first two words should have said enough to let you know what occurs during bean ', s trip to la  but if they didn ', t look out because you are in for a rather interesting if not odd ride . heck depending on your humor you might end up laughing through the whole flick . either way look out america bean is coming . well  what can really be said about this movie  there is very little discernible plot . that much is not hard to grapple with for it is a slapstick comedy . it achieves that goal rather admirably  but because it is that  the plot is just screaming for help . the whole premise that the movie is based on is to say the least flawed . the movie had its funny moments but there was no real story line other than something that could be thought up on a whim and carried through and in many causes ad - libbed as you went . don ', t go into this movie expecting and theatrical masterpiece . but if this form of humor floats your boat then you will truly enjoy this movie  even if you don ', t like slapstick style humor you will end up laughing because something ', s are just so stupid . the movie goes out and accomplishes what it aims  or so it seems . now when you look at the acting in this movie you have to think about two things  first was there any real acting and how hard is it to act in the slapstick manner . well  there was no real acting in this movie but some of the slapstick wasn ', t the easiest i am sure . i have to concede that mr . atkinson ', s acting in this movie is well done . although the role isn ', t too demanding the slapstick is . i think that the character could have had a bit more dialogue  it would have added quite a bit to the overall effect of the movie . now the rest of the actors in the movie  bad acting and poor casting . i think that the role opposite bean could have been better  just seemed wrong for the movie . a different actor might have done a better job of it but i wont presume that wasn ', t what was trying to be achieved . one thing that i must say  simply to get if off my chest is that i think transferring a sitcom to tv usually produces rather disastrous results . tv shows should do just that stay on tv  it will probably save some producers from getting ulcers . i can only think of a couple examples of tv going to the big screen effectively  the best known of those would have to be star trek . bean seriously fails to accomplish anything close to what that series gone movie achieved . now another thing that i have to state again is this movie has narrowed its target audience fairly tightly . the form of humor in this movie will not be liked by most people  these people will think like i did that this movie is stupid and pointless . but if you like the tv show you might actually like this movie . but to be on the safe side i am opting to recommend you save your money and not go to see this movie . there are many movies that are truly worth seeing unlike this one .
neg wonderland is a rather sugary romance film that is as subtle as a ton of bricks falling on you . you can see its plot developing from a mile away . you are lured into its benign story of a single 29 - year - old girl looking for a soul mate in boston  as that city is depicted as a mini - wonderland for singles . this is a star oriented film  and the star who carries the film is erin ( hope davis ) . that this is a dating film  about singles who for reasons of fate or luck  or whatnot  have not had a successful match and are now putting most of their energy into fulfilling their careers  is nothing new  this type of film has been done often and better many times in contemporary films . the fictionalized documentary unmade beds did it more provocatively and with more of a sense of urgency than this film . the main quirk in the plot here  is that hope ', s pushy mother ( hollan ) visits her in boston  sees her daughter ', s live - in relationship with a radical protester ( hoffman ) breakup and decides to put a personal ad in the newspaper for her harvard medical school drop - out daughter  who works as a nurse . this is done without her knowledge . it is cornball sitcom stuff  but  at least  it is handled as best it could be by the actors and director . it is easy to like erin  she is bright  caring  and attractively blonde . it is equally easy to care for the soul mate she keeps missing contact with  the financially strapped  ruggedly handsome  intelligent 35 - year - old alan ( alan )  who no longer wants to work with his father as a plumber but is doing volunteer work at the aquarium and attending college to be a marine biologist . of course  he comes across as being so good ( though  he does kill some fish in the aquarium )  that it is hard to believe he ', s for real  or just some cardboard shining knight put into the story to give it an ideal to shoot for . the contrived story revolves around their near misses in meeting each other in such spots as  the subway  at a restaurant  or on the phone . alan ', s brother answers erin ', s ad with a few of his pals  as they each try to respond to her ad in a phony way  making a bet that the first who gets to tongue kiss her  that the others witness  will win the bet . this sub - plot was as obnoxious to see take place as it is to hear told . that we have to see erin go through several dates to prove the point how ego sick these guys are  each one more annoying than the other  culminating in the most obnoxious one of all  that brazilian lover ( jose )  who is about as charming as a snake - oil salesman  who is actually the one she nearly flies away with for a holiday in brazil  was not only incredulous but downright contrary to the rich presentation of her character that was the heart of the story . anyway  as expected  all ', s well that ends well  for this watchable piece of fluff  that comes over on screen better than it does when relating its story - line . the dialogue was actually not bad  those dating erin or trying to flirt with her seemed to be uttering authentic things they would actually say in their situation . and  oh  by the way  wonderland refers to the stop on the boston metro  it is where greyhound racing takes place .
neg be warned . . brit love story in the offing . effeminate  mild - mannered karl is about to take a beatng from a bunch of ruffians at school as he bathes himself under a shower  his genitals tucked between his legs in the manner of a posing transvestite . he is only just saved by prentice  who appears in all respects barring his protective attitude towards karl to be your average street - wise punk - in - the - making . the ensuing scene ends up with both boys being ridiculed and then unfairly expelled from the school . they do not see each other for another eighteen yeas . in that time  prentice has matured into a somewhat loveable  if brash and bull - heaed goon who screws up his jobs and relationships while gamely clinging onto perennial adolescence via lether jackets  motorcycles and punk rock music . karl  on the other hand  has grown up to become kim  a drabby  insecure woman who works as a verse writer for a greeting card company . chance brings the two together  and love  such as will inevitably blossom in your quirky british romantic comedy  is what this skewed little story is largely about . if at this point you think you ', re going to get any cheap laughs with that gender - bending theme ( see the birdcage  to wong foo . . .  priscilla queen of the desert )  you can just go home and brood on your own maladjusted sexuality you low - life deadbeat . kim is a post - operative transsexual  thank you very much . . . a new - born woman for all purposes  with confusions and sensitivities that deserve treatment with a touch of delicacy . personally  give me those cheap laughs any day . i ', d rather enjoy obvious camp than endure the shallow exploration of a soft - hearted transsexual love story . different for girls comes up with a promising enough proposition  but does nothing that surpasses the merely workmanlike with it . by refusing to make the audience really uncomfortable with the notion of kim and prentice ', s relation - ship  or at the very least feel uncomfortable for them ( prentice for example  doesn ', t seem to give hiself all that much grief when he becomes attracted to kim despite being a fight - picking  beer - drinking  macho kind of guy  and kim  for all her insecurities and fears is always saved any truly disturbing victimisation in the film )  and instead drawing them into a basically wimpy love story  the film manages to lobotomise itself . lightweight comedy as it ', s doomed to be  it could ', ve still have hacked it with the requisitive endearing couple . but this doesn ', t either  since even mrs doubtfire is sexier than steven mackintosh ', s kim foyle  and as either sex  he ', s just plainly a simpering wanker nobody should like . prentice does though  and that ', s never explained . but then rupert graves gives us so heroic performance as prentice  the guy who never grew up ( and if there is a bafta prize for most convincing portrayal of a rabid fan at a buzzcocks ', concert  he should win that too ) that i guess there ', s no reason to explain why he ', s so screwed up . if oddly enough you grow to like this show  you ', ll be wanting your happy ending  and the film won ', t fail you there either . snide underling at kim ', s office gets her come - uppance . misogynistic police officer who beats up prentice gets his come - uppance . the couple prevail against a disagreeable society and come together in kim ', s apartment . kim ', s sister and her impotent sarge - type husband kiss and make up after a tiff ( tv movie sub - plot with incidental juxtaposition ) . and best of all  kim sheds her insecurities and learns how to ride the motorcycle and wear leathers  making prentice ride pilion . awwww . terrific closure . happy ending . but just what is it that ', s differnt for girls anyway ? if you figure that one out  let me know . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg a silly film that tries to be a black comedy but plays more like lightweight comedy  with its main asset being a beautiful film location along spain ', s mountainous coastline . howard pigeon ( jeff goldblum ) is a 40 - year - old mineral water salesman who is married for 13 years to a wife constantly nagging him  elizabeth ( mimi rogers ) . after a surprise birthday party for him  where his wife bawls him out for coming late to his surprise party  he confides to his best friend that he can ', t stand it anymore  and then tells him his plan to kill her while vacationing in the same barcelona hotel where they spent their honeymoon . jeff is going through a severe mid - life crises  worried that he looks older than his age . he incessantly talks to himself  mostly agonizing over his bitter marriage and chastising himself why he went out with elizabeth for a second time  and then why he married her just because she laughed at his jokes and was attractive . he stutters and acts like a man who has lost his confidence . things change on their vacation  as elizabeth makes an effort to be nice while jeff now becomes the grouch . he nervously rehearses his murder plan in the hotel room . by accident the gun goes off and into the pillow where he imagined elizabeth would be sitting . when other hotel guests and staff come to check about the gunshot  he nervously explains that it was the tv . realizing how unworkable his plan is  he places the gun in the shattered pillow and throws it into the ocean while he waits for elizabeth . but elizabeth found his behavior odd during the entire trip  and when after a great deal of effort to get a reservation at the hotel ', s 5 star restaurant he insists on eating in the room  she decides she had enough of him and checks out without telling him . as a result  he goes to the police to report her missing . while with the police  a telegram comes from his wife saying she left him and is going away because she wants to be alone . his boss and all those he works with are sympathetic to him  and he gets a job promotion . but soon the pillow with the gun is fished out of the water  giving the police cause to arrest him and search his home . there they find letters he has written incriminating him to the murder . the police also find out from the hotel staff about the gunshot heard in his room . in jail  things look bad for him . no one believes him  including his friends and lawyer . his boss fires him and the papers have a field day with the headline story : pigeon : a jailbird . out on bail  he realizes that his only hope is to track down his wife . through a call placed on his credit card  he tracks her down to a mountain resort . once there he learns that she took a hike up the steep mountain and he gets a priest to be his mountain guide after telling him the true story . the film is watchable just for the antics of the jeff goldblum comic performance . he is someone coming apart by the seams  while mimi rogers is his perfect foil . it was mostly pantomine humor  with the comedy charged in the changing facial expressions of the characters and the absurdity of the situation . a very minor farce that might appeal to the sitcom crowd . the film just didn ', t take its situation seriously and the story had many gaps in it  so it had no chance for black humor to develop . it instead played its set - up of the henpecked husband acting out his fantasy strictly for entertainment value to see how many chuckles it could draw .
neg * * * be warned . . . the following review contains some harsh language * * * the blair witch project . quite possibly the least scariest movie of all time . if you want to see real terror on the big screen go back and watch any scene with jar jar binks in the phantom menace  because this movie is not scary or even remotely creepy . my colleague and friend chuck dowling wrote that if less is more  then the blair witch filmmakers must have thought that nothing is more . and this worked for him . well  i ', m sorry  but nothing . . . is nothing ! ! ! ! ! nothing is not more . it ', s nothiiiiiinggggggggggg ! ! ! ! ! ! . i do not pay 5 dollars to see nothing . " nothing " is free  available all around the world at a location near you . i am absolutely in amazement that some people find this movie scary . i could just discount them and say  " well  i guess they are just pansy chicken shits who are probably scared of their own shadow . " but i have intelligent friends who like this movie and so that doesn ', t hold water . there must be some other reason . ( then again  maybe my first thought is correct  i think i ', ll try pointing their shadow out to them one day and test their reaction . ) when i hear people praising this film  i never hear them talking about what makes up about 97 % of this movie : three kids bickering with each other about being lost . they only talk about what might make up possibly 3 to 4 minutes of screen time . this being a few very short night scenes where the kids hear some unscary sounds and another where they shout " josh ! ! " over and over . this film should not be called the blair witch project  it should more accurately be called three dumb and pisspoor filmmakers get lost . . . and argue with each other . oh ladies and gentlemen you will be so scared when you hear them shouting " josh ! ! " . and if you thought that was scary  wait till you see a pile of rocks  and then some tinkertoy lincoln logs  oh my dear lord you will be pissing in your pants with fear . oh yeah  and some goo on one of their backpacks . you ', ve never seen terror like this folks  and you don ', t want to . the chevy chase / goldie hawn comedy foul play is creepier than this film . ( for current films  i highly recommend the sixth sense or a stir of echoes for a creepy filmgoing experience . ) this film is an example of marketing with no substance . the marketing was brilliant  and the whole nation is in awe of just the premise for the film . they want this film to be good . and i think they are reaching and praising the wrong movie because they don ', t have anything else to praise . that wonderful film that rejuvenates the horror genre may come along  but this is not it . this film could have been so much better . just think  if maybe there had been only 10 minutes of arguing about being lost  and 80 minutes of nighttime stuff . i saw this movie with a girl who was extremely pumped for it . she was sold on this film . and then  at one point during it  she turned to me and asked ', . . . are we supposed to be scared by this ? ', . i ', ve heard one opinion that you " have to use your imagination " to create the fear in this movie . well  i thought that was what the filmmakers were supposed to do . use their imagination and create a good movie . i mean anyone can use their imagination and not pay 5 bucks for it . but even if you like this idea  then what are you imagining ? an entity called the blair witch ? some rednecks fucking with these kids ? are either of these things really scary when you think about it ? ? ? i ', ve heard several people say that this movie makes them recall how scary it can be to be out in the woods and hear something . well sure thats scary in real life  but there are a lot of things that are scary in real life that are not scary in a movie nor even interesting . you could sit in your house and see a snake or a spider and it could be scary  but in a film it wouldn ', t be . and no  a movie does not need a big budget or cgi special effects to be scary or creepy . actually the less the better ( see the equally awful remake of the haunting ) . but you have to do something . you cant just count on us all having nostalgic memories of how something like this could be scary  if it were real . and by the way  about the shakycam filming in blair witch . aren ', t these supposed to be " filmmakers " who should know how to point a camera and shoot something without shaking the camera constantly ? i ', m not even talking about the couple scenes where they are terrified  that ', s justified . i ', m talking about the other 87 minutes of the movie where they can ', t seem to shoot anything smoothly at all . minor quibble there . there is a feeling in me that the people that like this movie are suckers . that the filmmakers are just laughing their asses off all the way to the bank . and i think there is a good chance they will see this film again and say to themselves " what was i thinking ? ? " . but  if they don ', t  then thats fine . if it works for them then that ', s okay i guess . i just lament that by making this movie a hit  we are going to be subjected to more of the " nothing is more " approach . pretty soon we ', re going to get some movies like this : just a still shot of a prison jail cell . for 90 minutes . and we ', ll have to use our imagination and think to ourselves  " my god  wouldn ', t it be scary to spend life in prison ? ! ! this movie is the scariest movie of all time ! ! ! ! ! " . or  a shot of a coffin  with some funeral directors arguing with each other . " man  do you know how scary it would be to die ? ? ? ! ! ! ! now this is the scariest movie of all time ! ! ! ! " [ r ]
neg there were four movies that earned jamie lee curtis the title of " scream queen " in the early ', 80s . two of them were halloween movies  but the other two -- prom night and terror train -- were the uninspired knockoffs that came directly after the success of halloween . the same " god  i ', m scared  there ', s some guy in a mask coming after me " routine she did in john carpenter ', s classic  jamie lee copies here  with none of the urgency or suspense . terror train takes place on ( where else ? ) a train  charted by some pre - med students finishing their first four years of higher education . most of them won ', t make it to med school  though  and it ', s obvious from the foreshadowing done when the conductor complains  " i wish to hell they ', d put a radio on that train . " the conductor character probably has the most lines of anyone  even jamie lee . from the beginning  he ', s talking his head off ( he tells one of his co - workers " think on this -- when ', s the last time someone built a shopping mall next to a train station ? " as if it makes any kind of sense ) and it only gets better as he engages himself in an argument about the benefits of railroad over recreational vehicles . of course  the loudmouth conductor is the first person to find a bloody body  which is then gone when he brings a skeptical trainman back to view it . i forgot to mention the prologue . it ', s a party three years earlier  with the same group of students . two of them play a trick on a geeky frat pledge  promising him he ', s going to get laid . they send jamie lee up to stand behind the bed and talk to the geek as he comes in  noticing a form on the bed . she says  " kiss me  kenny  " and he kisses the body on the bed  which happens to be a cadaver . ( " oh my god  they killed kenny ! you bastards ! " ) it ', s a sick trick  and one jamie lee wasn ', t let in on . she still hasn ', t forgiven the guy as they board the terror train ( " you asshole  you can ', t have a good time without hurting somebody ! " ) . the killing starts before the train even leaves the station . since it ', s new year ', s  everyone ', s wearing disguises ( a convenient plot device we ', ve seen before )  and someone stabs the guy in the groucho mask when no one ', s looking . at least one of the characters says it ', s a groucho mask ; when the killer dons it and steps aboard  it looks like gene shalit who  by the way  would make a great killer in a slasher movie . speaking of weird - looking dorks who still persist on the entertainment scene  one of terror train ', s most famous gimmicks is the appearance of david copperfield " as the magician  " who regails those aboard with illusions set to disco music . then there ', s his greatest trick -- getting laid with hair that looks like that . for all its attempts at visual style and substance  terror train is more lionel than amtrak  more prom night than halloween  and nothing really worth watching . only die - hard fans of jamie lee curtis and david copperfield ( if he truly has any fans ) should even attempt to watch it . and it makes me wonder if a horror movie set in an rv could be much worse . i mean  when was the last time someone built a shopping mall next to a train station  anyway ? terror train is definitely the cinematic equivalent of a sleeper car .
neg according to hitchcock and various other filmmakers  isolated motels  diners  gas stations and similar establishments in american southwest can be rather dangerous place for weary travellers . at the beginning of eye of the storm  1991 german - american thriller directed by yuri zeltser  one of such places becomes deadly for their owners who get murdered during the stick up . ten years later their son steven ( played by bradley gregg )  who was blinded during the incident  still runs motel together with his older brother ray ( played by craig sheffer ) . hardly anything happens there until alcoholic and abusive william gladstone ( played by dennis hopper ) gets stranded there with his attractive wife sandra ( played by lara flynn boyle ) . their unexpected presence creates the chain of the events that would end in bloodshed . yuri zeltser  author of this film  was obviously inspired by hitchcock ', s psycho  but he chose to add some new and potentially interesting elements to the original plot . instead of norman bates we have two brothers - one of them traumatised physically  another mentally . sexual tension between beautiful female patron and shy motel clerk is heightened with the presence of alcoholic husband . eye of the storm is impressive in visual sense  with photography by karl walter lindenlaub providing a lot of claustrophobic atmosphere . the acting is fine - hopper  gregg and boyle are comfortable with their roles  but sheffer at times overacts his psycho routine . unfortunately  eye of the storm  which was supposed to be intense psychological drama  deteriorates into cheap and predictable slasher flick during melodramatic finale . in the end  this film reminds us that original approach can ', t prevent filmmakers from wasting too many opportunities . ( special note to the profiler fans : ally walker appears in the beginning of the film in the small role of killer ', s girlfriend . )
neg if you ', ve been following william fichtner ', s career ( and there ', s absolutely no reason why you should have )  you might have noticed that he ', s played some rather similar roles over the years . like sully in " the perfect storm " -- tough  gruff  and a little bit scary . or law in " albino alligator " -- tough  gruff  and little bit scarier . or colonel william sharp in " armageddon  " or dwayne engelman in " strange days  " or even his brief appearance towards the beginning of " pearl harbor  " as the abusive father of danny -- here is an actor who gravitates towards tough  gruff  hard - hitting roles . which is why his performance in " what ', s the worst that could happen ? " is such a shock  such a delight . in the film  fichtner plays a blonde haired  meticulously dressed  overtly effeminate  dog - loving detective . as alex tardio  fichtner ', s performance borders on caricature but goes beyond it . it borders on offensive but doesn ', t really manage it . and it borders on clich ? d stereotype but doesn ', t quite succumb to that definition either . in a role so diametrically opposed to what the actor has played before we should have seen it coming  fichtner isn ', t perfect -- you can see him struggling a little at times  concentrating a little too hard on the look as he swishes his hand through the air  or nuzzles a coiffed canine up close and personal -- but he ', s pretty damned good  and silly  and without question the best thing in the film . in fact  had it not been for fitchner ', s sudden and bizarre appearance  and his jarring screen presence thereafter  i would have walked out  for " what ', s the worst that could happen ? " is mesmerizing in its awfulness  a poorly written  haphazardly edited  and totally unfunny ( yes  it stars martin lawrence and danny devito so how could that be possible ? ) moviegoing experience . fichtner ', s performance doesn ', t exactly save the film  and it ', s not like i ', m recommending " what ', s the worst that could happen ? " solely on the strength of the actor ', s dramatic turnaround  but his contributions do raise the film ', s rating from no stars to one - and - a - half . thumbs up to fichtner then  and thumbs down -- way  way  down -- to everyone else involved in this sorry mess  a movie so dull and pedestrian and nonsensical it doesn ', t even warrant discussion .
neg note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . it ', s rather easy to start tuning out after about twenty minutes of finn taylor ', s first feature film  dream with the fishes  when the plodding  tedious opening sequence finally pays off with a potentially provocative setup . any hopeful expectations  however  are soon vanquished as the film settles upon being an uninvolving mismatched - buddy movie which is rarely as funny as it aspires to be nor nearly as affecting as it eventually strives to be in the film ', s latter half . the film ', s central characters are terry ( david arquette )  a depressed  lonely voyeur who claims to be despondent since the death of his wife in an automobile accident  and nick ( brad hunt )  a carefree young street tough later revealed to be terminally ill . nick lives in the apartment building across from terry  who spies on the trysts between nick and girlfriend liz ( kathryn erbe ) with his trusty set of binoculars  but the two young men first formally meet at the bay bridge where a half - drunk terry precariously teeters upon the edge  unconvincingly vowing suicide . nick casually asks for terry ', s wristwatch  and eventually cons terry into a trade - the watch for a bottle of pills . of course  terry finds that the pills do not end up having the presumed lethal effects  and he angrily sets out to find nick in order to retrieve his watch . learning of nick ', s condition ( he only has a handful of weeks left )  terry ', s compassion kicks in  and the two eventually come to a distinctly peculiar arrangement - terry will agree to bankroll the dying nick ', s lifelong fantasies  and nick will fulfill terry ', s death wish by killing him . this is a promising premise  and mr . taylor ', s film could have gone any number of ambitious ways from this point  but he instead chooses to capitalise upon the obvious inversion of the characters ( terry is a repessed  mournful character who wants to die  while nick is a free spirit with a joie de vivre who is dying but wants to live ) and takes the easy route out by turning dream with the fishes into a typical lark where the two characters engage in a series of generally dull exploits  and where the straight - laced character learns to enjoy and ppreciate life when hooked up with a quirky character . this is by - the - numbers plotting  buddy movie / road movie redux . however  dream with the fishes is most hampered not by its uninspired storyline  but by the characters which carry the story - it helps in such a film to have at least one of the protagonists be at least somewhat empathetic  if not likeable . unfortunately  that is not the case here  where both of the film ', s leading characters are thorougly uninteresting and annoying  giving the audience very little to sympathise with their respective plights  and even less reason to want to follow their onscreen exploits . far from a romp  this fatal flaw makes dream with fishes more like a chore to endure than a playful jaunt  and undermines the attempts at emotional resonance in the latter stages of the film as the two men begin to bond . mr . taylor ', s dialogue sporadically falls flat in dream with the fishes - while attempting to capture a quirky and clever tone  it too often comes across instead as hopelessly contrived ( witness such lines as " you should have asked something more interesting  like ', do you enjoy the pain ? ', - see  that ', s provocative  leaves room for further questions . " ) the film enjoys a few inspired moments - the urn scene  a session of nude bowling  the policeman joining in on terry and nick ', s acid trip - but unfortunatetely these instances are few and far between  and for the most part the humour in dream with the fishes registers more as attempts rather than actual successes . this occurs particularly often during the film ', s opening sequence - as terry is wrestling the bedridden nick for his watch in the hospital  i ', m realising that this is * intended * to be funny  although nary a smile crept upon my lips - which is probably due to the obvious fact that it ', s painfully clear to the audience from the outset that terry is going to be thwarted in his initial suicide attempts  sapping any element of surprise or amusement from nick ', s scheme of tricking him ; this is not a film which has the wherewithal to kill off its leading star in the opening ten minutes . the entire sequence is  then  clearly an exercise for character exposition  with attempts at humour terribly diminished by utter predictability . among the cast  coming off best is david arquette  the current master in the portrayal of meek  squirming  stammering fresh - faced characters - he would have been terrific as the lead for george huang ', s swimming with sharks - who gets to apply his adeptness for timidity as terry . mr . taylor ambitiously employs an interesting visual technique  where the portions of the film set in an urban environment have been processed to appear extremely grainy and heavily saturated  as opposed to a bright  crisp look for the smalltown scenes . the charge of dream with the fishes ', s protagonists being wholly unempathetic is a bit of an odd one coming from me ; i seem to have a predilection for films with unlikeable characters  and indeed  in many cases have i been in the minority  supporting films which have been condemned as interminable due to the difficult  audience - unfriendly nature of their characters . for dream with the fishes  though  i did find myself on the flip side of coin  often hoping that the film would quickly conclude  and that the nick character would just hurry up and die .
neg for his directoral debut  gary oldman chose a highly personal family drama about a violent  alcoholic husband and father  and the various lives he affects . but while the characters  places and events may have special meaning to the writer - director  the audience is left in the dark . the center of this tale is the abusive raymond ( ray winstone )  and the film focuses on him and the people who orbit around him . he spends his days hanging out with his friends at pubs and girlie bars . then  he returns home to his pregnant wife  valerie ( kathy burke ) and their five - year - old daughter . raymond demonstrates his violent tendencies ( and his paranoid delusions ) early on when he accuses valerie ', s brother  billy ( charlie creed - miles )  of stealing . raymond then proceed to beat ( and bite ) him to a bloody wreck . but these are the least of billy ', s problems . billy is a heroin addict on the downturn  and it doesn ', t seem that he ', ll last much longer . billy and valerie ', s mother  janet ( laila morse )  is raymond ', s nemesis . she disapproves of him ( and he of her )  but is powerless to do anything about it . she merely struggles on  hoping her children will survive their respective torments . if this description seems bleak  i haven ', t told the half of it . this is not a cheery movie  and most of the time it ', s downright depressing . while at times it is interesting to watch to see just what makes raymond tick  and why no one ever simply calls the cops on him  in the end  it ', s not quite worth it . there are too many scenes which randomly dot the picture with little or no purpose . take for example the extended sequence where one of billy ', s scuzzy friends defends a stray puppy . the film is filled with these " character moments " that never really achieve anything . granted  there are a few genuinely powerful ( and sickening ) moments in the film  but their expression seems to be more of a catharsis for the creator than us . the actors do a fine job  particularly in the central roles . the good thing about an actor turned writer is that oldman knows how to write good scenes  and the actors in nil by mouth have some meat they can tear into . the bad thing about an actor turned director is that there ', s no one to restrain oldman from making poor choices . a good character drama should mean something to those involved in making the film and the audience . oldman got it about half right .
neg my first exposure to the nightmare on elm street series of films was not this one  but in fact the third installment ( it was the first to gain a national theatrical release ) . i didn ', t see the first film until much later . so looking back  the original didn ', t hold a lot of great memories for me  since i didn ', t think too much of it when i initially saw it . watching it now for a second time confirmed that it ', s an overrated horror film that ultimately makes no sense whatsoever . you all know the story by now : child murderer freddy krueger ( robert englund ) returns from the grave by haunting the dreams of the children of those who burned him alive years before . this first installment does an adequate job with it ', s low budget  but there ', s some absurd dialogue and conceptual problems with the story . plus the movie ', s ending ( understandably the result of the studio wanting the end of the film to have a " hook " for a sequel ) renders the rest of the film pointless . and does anyone understand what happens to nancy ', s mother at the end of this film ? don ', t get me wrong though . . . it ', s not as if a new generation of horror films have spurned me away from the classics . most horror movies released today are just as inane as this film is . horror is a difficult genre to pull off credibly  and a nightmare on elm street just doesn ', t cut it . a nightmare on elm street is available on dvd from new line home video . it is available both as a single disc and as part of the nightmare on elm street collection box set . the film is presented in both pan and scan and it ', s original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 78 : 1 ( although on the disc that comes in the box set  only a widescreen transfer is provided ) . the film has been digitally remastered and includes two options for audio : a mono mix and a new dolby digital 5 . 1 mix . also included on the dvd is a full - length audio commentary track with writer / director wes craven  stars john saxon and heather langenkamp  and the film ', s director of photography . other extras include the " jump to a nightmare " feature ( i ', m sure you can figure that one out )  the usual cast and crew bios ( which are from the film ', s original press release kit  and notably leave out robert englund and johnny depp ! )  and the film ', s original theatrical trailer . some dvd - rom features are also included  but since i don ', t have dvd - rom capabilities i can ', t really get into that . the commentary track is entertaining and informative  but nothing spectacular . the first thing of note is that it ', s the same commentary track that was on the special edition laserdisc from a few years ago . i ', m not saying that ', s a negative thing  just pointing it out . everyone seems enthusiastic about being there  with the possible exception of john saxon  who just doesn ', t say much at all . most of the time you ', ll forget he ', s even there . everyone else talks really quietly though for some reason  as if because they ', re commenting on a scary movie that they need to stay as quiet as possible . the bonus disc with the boxed set called the nightmare series encyclopedia features about 45 minutes worth of interviews relating to the first film of the series . also included is the original theatrical trailer and two alternate endings to the film . . . however you can only access one easily . the other is hidden in what ', s called " the labyrinth "  which might possibly be the most annoying feature of a dvd ever created . basically  it ', s an interactive game of sorts where you wander through different nightmare locations looking at objects which give you access to extra little snippets of footage  interviews  etc . somewhere in the labyrinth is the second alternate ending to the film . finding it though is both a chore and a bore . [ r ]
neg in 1989  tim burton took the legendary comic book figure of batman and turned him into a huge box office hit with an atmospheric little film that created an utterly distinct feeling somewhere between film noir and the godfather . was it " deep " ? nope . however it was a perfect entertainment and the audience ate it up . it was natural that roger ebert trashed it writing that it was " without the comic book uplift " of the indiana jones and superman pictures . which was true . if what you were looking for was the tale of a heroic man ', s escadapes and adventures you were looking in the wrong place . if those films were tom sawyer  then batman was huckleberry finn . some critics ( glenn lovell of the san jose mercury news and peter travers of rolling stone ) realized that it was something special ; mr . lovell gave it * * * 1 / 2 and wrote that " this is batman as batman should be . " ; mr . travers called it one of the ten best films of the year . the praise was deserved - from start to finish the film was enthralling  exciting  and superb in every respect . there was no doubt that there would be a sequel directed by burton . the result was batman returns which forgets that it wants to be fun within the first five minutes . the villains ( the hideous penguin and seductive catwoman ) take over  and our epectations are always left unfulfilled - when we wanted the penguin to bite off batman ', s nose he simply gets mad  and when we want catwoman to slither over batman ', s body she gets pushed off a building . i admire mr . burton for trying to do more then entertain  but the result is a mess . nothing works out as planned - it fails both to entertain and to enlighten . hints are made to the audience that this film could be a blast . alas  these are only hints . there are  don ', t misunderstand me  several moments of cinematic genuis contained ; catwoman and batman understand eachother perfectly without a word on the subject being said ; christopher lloyd is trapped  by the penguin  within a giant cage ; a small basket is dropped into a large river ; but nothing is drawn together and burton is unable to make the film work on any regular basis . a weak followup  both career and sequel wise  batman returns is sometimes dazzling  but to often dissapointing .
neg and i thought " stigmata " would be the worst religiously - oriented thriller released this year . turns out i was wrong  because while " stigmata " was merely boring and self - important  " end of days " is completely inept on all fronts . it ', s a silly  incomprehensible  endlessly stupid mess . for a guy like me who grew up watching arnold schwarzenegger at his best  it ', s extremely disconcerting to see where the big man has ended up . for the first time in recent memory  an arnold action movie ( and " batman & robin " doesn ', t count ) is no fun at all . " end of days " is a major stinker . the movie opens in vatican city  1979 . some catholic priests have observed an ancient prophecy  which says that a girl will be born on that night that satan will have targeted for impregnation . if he impregnates her between 11 and midnight on december 31  1999  the world will be destroyed . the pope orders protection of this girl  though some priests believe she ought to be killed . in new york  that very night  a girl is born to fulfill the prophecy . twenty years later  we meet jericho cane ( schwarzenegger )  a suicidal ex - cop with a drinking problem . now working as a security guard for hire  he is protecting a local businessman ( gabriel byrne )  who is actually possessed by the devil . an assassination attempt on the businessman by a crazed former priest leads him to the girl satan is after  christine york ( robin tunney ) . recognizing elements of his own murdered daughter in christine ( including ownership of the same music box  apparently )  jericho swears to protect her against the devil and the faction of priests looking to kill her . there are so many problems with this film it ', s hard to know where to begin  but how about starting with the concept ? casting arnold in a role like this was a mistake to begin with . schwarzenegger is a persona  not an actor  so putting him in a role that contradicts his usual strong personality is a bad idea . arnold has neither the dramatic range nor the speaking ability to pull off a character tormented by conflicting emotions . in other words  trying to give him dimension was a mistake . harrison ford  mel gibson  or even bruce willis could have played this role ( they ', ve all played noble and flawed heroes )  but not schwarzenegger . there are several scenes that attempt to establish jericho ', s character ; one has him contemplating suicide  another crying over the loss of his wife and daughter  and even one in which the devil tries to tempt him into revealing christine ', s location by offering him his old life back . none of these scenes really work  because arnie isn ', t up to the task . the filmmakers would have been better off making jericho a strong  confident character ( like the terminator  for example )  the likes of which schwarzenegger has excelled in before . this one isn ', t at all believable the way arnold plays him . the supporting cast tries their hardest  and only gabriel byrne makes any impact at all . as the prince of darkness  he ', s suave and confident . he acts like one would expect the devil to act . the problem is that the script has him doing things that make no sense ( more on that later ) and that undermines him as a powerful villain . byrne out - performs arnold in every scene they have together ( including the aforementioned temptation bit )  but this is problematic when it causes the audience to start doing the unthinkable : root for the devil . byrne ', s speech about the bible being " overrated " actually starts to make sense  mainly because arnold ', s attempts at refuting it ( mostly of the " ', tis not ! " variety ) are feeble at best . the only problem is  arnold has to win  so in the end  nobody really cares . kevin pollack plays jericho ', s security guard sidekick and tries to liven things up with some comic asides  but like most bad action movie sidekicks  he disappears after about an hour . robin tunney isn ', t given much to do except look scared . in fact  all of the supporting players are good actors  but none  save for byrne  is given anything interesting to do . performances aside  it would be really hard to enjoy this film no matter who starred in it . this being an action blockbuster  it ', s no surprise that the worst thing about it is the script  which starts off totally confusing  and when some of it is explained ( and not much of it is )  it ', s utterly ridiculous . why is the devil coming on new year ', s eve  1999 ? because it ', s exactly 1000 years after the year of the devil  which isn ', t 666  it turns out . some nutty priest accidentally read it upside down  so the real year is 999  so just add a 1 to the beginning  and you ', ve got 1999 ! if you don ', t buy this explanation  you ', re not alone . it ', s convoluted and silly at the same time . the method by which jericho locates christine york is equally ludicrous ( she ', s christine  see  and she lives in new york  see . . . )  and if that weren ', t bad enough  there ', s plenty of bothersome stuff in this film that isn ', t explained at all . why can satan kill everyone he passes on the street  but when it comes to snuffing out one drunk ex - cop  he ', s powerless ? is he impervious to only one kind of bullet ? how come he can ', t control jericho or christine ? and how did those gregorian monks deal with time zones in their prophecies ? a clumsy attempt at a joke is made about this  but it ', s never actually explained . usually  this sort of thing wouldn ', t matter in a schwarzenegger flick ( i mean  don ', t get me started on the time paradoxes offered up by the terminator movies )  but this time the plot inconsistencies stand out even more than usual because the action is rarely exciting . there are several predictable horror film clich ? s present in " end of days  " complete with the old " black cat hiding in a cabinet " bit  not that we ever find out what the cat was doing in there . it gets so formulaic that it ', s possible for those uninterested in being scared to close their eyes at the precise moment a " boo " will come . their predictions will rarely be wrong . the more grandiose action sequences are utterly charmless  partially because we don ', t care about these characters ( due to the script ', s pathetic attempts at characterization and setup )  and also because they  too  don ', t make any sense . there ', s a scene where schwarzenegger gets thrown around a room by a little old lady . it ', s good for a few chuckles  but not much else . supposedly we ', re to believe she now has super strength by virtue of being controlled by satan  but the script never sets that up  so the scene is merely silly . none of this is terribly exciting  because all the action sequences are so badly framed that it ', s often hard to tell why it ', s happening in the first place  not to mention that they ', re edited in full - on incomprehensible mtv quick - cut style . most of them had me scratching my head  rather than saying  " wow  cool ! " " end of days " is not only silly and confusing  but it ', s also distinctly unpleasant to watch . the devil apparently doesn ', t operate in the more subtle  i ', ll - convince - people - to - kill - each - other fashion outlined in the bible  but instead enjoys killing people gruesomely in broad daylight . this doesn ', t only make him an awfully predictable sort  but it also means that not a single scene in " end of days " goes by without unnecessarily graphic violence  or the odd kinky sexual encounter ( yet another bit that had me scratching my head ) . if violence is supposed to be shocking  it ', s not a good idea to throw so much of it into a movie that the audience goes numb . scenes aren ', t connected through any reasonable means  so a lot of the time  stuff gets blown up  or people get killed  and i had no idea why . reasons ? to hell with reasons ! let ', s just blow stuff up ! isn ', t it cool ? nope  not by a long shot . this film is thoroughly unwatchable . it ', s dull  interminable  and unrelenting in its stupidity . perhaps arnold needs to make some movies with james cameron to revive his career  because it ', s not happening with hack peter hyams here . " end of days " might have had camp value  if only it didn ', t top itself off with an overly pious ending that nobody ', s going to buy . if the movie is going to be serious  the filmmakers should have come up with a decent script . if it ', s going to be campy  arnold shouldn ', t be taking himself so damn seriously ( i didn ', t actually see him put up on a cross  did i ? )  and his character shouldn ', t be such a sad sack . as it stands  " end of days " is just a bad movie  and an awfully gloomy one at that .
neg stephen  please post if appropriate . " mafia ! " - crime isn ', t a funny business by homer yen ( c ) 1998 on a particular night when i found myself having some free time  i had a chance to either go to sleep early or to see " mafia ! "  a spoof of mafia and crime films such as " the godfather  " " goodfellas " and " casino " . at 84 minutes in length  i thought that i could enjoy a few laughs before getting a good nights sleep . but by my account  i think that my laff - o - meter only registered a few grins  one giggle  and maybe one chortle . i suppose that you could justify your time as homage to the venerable hollywood star  lloyd bridges  who just recently passed away and whose last performance was in this film . " mafia ! " chronicles vincenzo cortino ', s ( lloyd bridges ) life . separated from his family when he was young  he escapes to america and tries to live an honest life . but as fate would have it  vincenzo grows up to be a powerful and klutzy crime lord . following in his footsteps are his two sons  joey ( billy burke ) and anthony ( jay mohr ) . like all siblings in powerful crime families  they squabble over power  the future of the family  fortune  and women . " mafia ! " is co - written by jim abrahams  who also contributed to some gut - busting funny spoofs such as " airplane " and " the naked gun . " but these previous movies were funny because the jokes seemed more universally understood and there was more of a manic silliness at work . as i write this  i also wonder how many people have actually seen the movies on which this spoof is based . crime movies in general contain a lot of profanity and violence . it ', s a tough genre to parody . i was kind of hoping that they could somehow spoof the profanity used in all of those crime movies  maybe by having all of the tough crime lords say " please " as they decide which sector to take over  but this opportunity was never explored . there were one or two moments that made me smile such as the scene where vincenzo is dancing with his newly wed daughter - in - law . a gunman shoots him several times . the impact of the bullets cause him to make these wild contortions that force the wedding band to change music styles to keep up with him  from the samba to disco to the macarena . i think that i just gave away the best part of the film . oh well  that just means that you can go to sleep a little earlier .
neg die hard 2 is an altogether unfortunate fiasco  inferior to the original in every respect . place the blame squarely on the shoulders of steven de souza and doug richardson  who wrote the film ', s pathetic screenplay . every line of dialogue reeks of either smarmy sap or forced humor . the plot is altogether implausible ; the convoluted story line involves a band of terrorists who take over dulles airport and shut down the control tower  leaving a dozen planes stranded in the air waiting to land . the film has zero credibility  and all of the characters come off as cliched  cardboard cut - outs . so much for the script . how about the action ? well  let ', s put it this way : director renny harlin could learn a few things from john mctiernan  who directed the original  as well as the hunt for red october and predator -- all standouts for their hair - raising suspense . by contrast  harlin doesn ', t have a clue when it comes to choreographing action  and consequently  die hard 2 never picks up steam . die harder is impossible to take seriously even for a minute . in fact  the movie often seems deliberately campy  and it almost reaches the threshold of being so bad it ', s good . you do laugh  but you laugh at the film  not with it . die hard 2 should have never been cleared for takeoff .
neg i admit it . i thought arnold schwarzenegger had a knack for comedy when he made twins and true lies . watching him in jingle all the way  i wondered why anyone ever thought he could carry such a lame movie targeted at susceptible kids . it was one thing to scare the crap out of kids with the pg - 13 kindergarten cop  but parents who let small children see this movie will have to explain themes of violence  alcohol consumption  burglary  racism and child molestation . and you know they ', ll burst out in tears when arnold punches one of santa ', s elves . he later decks a reindeer . hey  man  why don ', t you just kick the easter bunny in the nuts while you ', re at it ? jingle all the way is formula crap that follows the if someone falls on his ass  it must be funny school of thought . arnold  sinbad and phil hartman crash to the ground more times in this movie than a special olympics hockey team  and the movie dredges up more cliche and less believability with each successive scene . what can you expect from a movie whose entire premise is that two parents can ', t find a rare toy on christmas eve  and will do anything to get one ? arnold is  of course  one of the parents  a crack salesman who is never there for his son . he races from the office to his son ', s karate game  only to find out he missed it . and his kid distrusts him because he ', s never around . ( gee  we haven ', t seen that in a movie before . ) arnold the absentee father becomes convinced that the only way to buy back his son ', s affection is to get him a turboman doll  which his wife ( rita wilson  who will never be the breadwinner of the hanks household choosing roles like this ) told him to get weeks ago . so arnold sets out to find a turboman  which turns out to be more rare than the tickle me elmo was when jingle all the way came out . let me back up for a minute here -- arnold ', s kid is totally obsessed with this turboman character  which is unhealthy beyond belief . watches the show  eats the cereal  sleeps on the freakin ', turboman sheets . i ', d try to discourage any further obsession myself  lest any kid seeing this movie think it ', s a wonderful thing to con your dad into racing out to buy you any toy you want . but nooooo  the climax of jingle all the way has arnold dressed up as turboman in a parade  exonerating himself of all wrongdoing in the eyes of wife and son  who don ', t recognize him until the last minute . this is a sad movie all the way through  but it only gets worse after the opening scenes of arnold and mailman sinbad stampeding through a store  racing off to the mall and hooking up with a santa ( jim belushi ) who runs a bootleg toy factory . most painful to watch is a scene at a radio station  where sinbad holds off the cops with a letter bomb after beating up the deejay ( an embarrassed martin mull ) who said he was giving away a turboman doll . capitalism has produced some pretty evil things ( chia pets )  but this ode to excess and violent consumerism is one of the most shameful . never mind the subplot with perfect neighbor phil hartman trying to seduce wilson while arnold is off shopping ( " your cookies are incredible " )  it ', s the main plot of the movie that sends the message that it ', s okay to do whatever it takes to get your hands on what you want . maybe that ', s what christmas is like at the schwarzenegger house  but not at mine .
neg when the haunting arrived in theaters  all i kept hearing about was the overdone special effects and the fact that very often the unseen bumps in the night in a horror film are far scarier than those that you can put a face to courtesy of special effects . while i agree that this remake of the haunting goes a bit overboard in the visual effects department  i don ', t think that they are completely to blame for this movie ', s failure . it appears that some people have failed to take into account that the original haunting had the " unseen " terrors  and it was about as scary as a dust bunny . so special effects or not  if the story isn ', t the least bit scary  you aren ', t going to end up with a very frightening movie . the thing that interested me most about this movie was the caretaker of this building played by bruce dern . dern is always great  and even though he may have had only about 3 minutes of screen time he was still the most interesting element of the movie . as i sat through the seemingly endless  albeit fairly impressive  special effects  i kept wishing that this movie was about dern ', s caretaker and not the one dimensional characters that populated the cast . never a good sign when a bit player is the best part of the movie . liam neeson plays a scientist who is conducting experiments on fear . he decides the best way to get results is to trick a group of fairly unstable individuals to spend a few days in a haunted mansion . he tricks them into participating by letting on that he is conducting an experiment on insomnia . and he also fails to mention that the mansion has a reputation for strange goings - on . catherine zeta - jones  lili taylor and owen wilson play his subjects . like the original  taylor ', s character is the star of the movie . but since she doesn ', t quite have the marquee power of liam neeson and ms . zeta - jones  their parts did seem to be a big larger than in the original . and let ', s face it  probably half the people who see this movie will do so because of zeta - jones . i ', ll admit that i would have never seen this thing if she weren ', t in it . but the real stars here is the special effects combined with the fairly overdone sets . they take over the movie as the supernatural elements of the house start to interact with our hapless insomnia patients . there really isn ', t much of a story here . just endless setups so director jan de bont can showcase all the nifty special effects that he got to play with . and the special effects are great . in many cases they are as good as you are likely to see anywhere . in other cases they are overdone and obviously thrown in just for the sake of hitting the " cool shots " quota . at no point in the movie do any of these things ever come close to being scary -- funny  maybe . but not scary . then we have the set . when i first saw the house  i was very impressed with the very cool gothic look about it . but it only took a short tour by the characters around the place to see that the set designers obviously had as much money to burn as the visual effects people did  and decided to take the idiotically overdone route . this included a flooded hallway with books as stepping stones and a mirrored circular room that revolves . what part did these rooms play in the story ? absolutely none . they were just there to take our minds off the fact that there was neither a descent story nor a single scare in the entire movie . then we have the actors . lili taylor has never been one of my favorites . and when the fact that her character is mousy and pathetic is factored in  she comes in around the average or slightly below mark . i have no idea why liam neeson took this role . he basically reminded me of the ringmaster at an out of control circus . his character was in charge of this farce but it quickly got away from him . i have no doubt that liam will want to lock all prints of this movie in a very secure vault along with all copies of darkman . zeta - jones was cast because she is too hot for words . the fact that her character is bi - sexual is just icing on the cake . all catherine has to do in this movie is look good . fortunately that is something she does very well . while she does have a fairly good size part  it is obvious that her only purpose in the movie was as eye - candy . it ', s too bad someone of her talents wasted them here . any random supermodel pulled out of a fashion show could have easily filled her role . the haunting is the antithesis of another of 1999 ', s horror movies  the blair witch project . the haunting had a seemingly limitless effects budget  while blair witch relies on piles of rocks for its scares . both prove quite nicely that special effects are irrelevant to a horror film . if the story sucks  it ', s all downhill from there . my advice ? if you are looking for special effects  go rent star wars . if it ', s scares you want  rent halloween . either way  it ', s probably in your best interests to skip the haunting .
neg plot : set in the future  a courier has uploaded some data into a " hard drive " that resides in his head  and must now escape the bad guys who are after that very important information . since he overloaded his " hard drive "  he ', s also racing against the clock before the information seeps into his brain and kills him . critique : incoherent  boring  one - act drivel with no suspense  horribly unbelievable futuristic environment  bad dialogue  career - defining bad acting by keanu reeves and a hilarious ending . it ', s too bad because the premise of the film was interesting  but unfortunately for my friends and i  this movie turned out to be just as bad as everyone had warned us . it ', s one of those films that makes you start laughing half - way through  when you realize that most of the actors in it suck  the location shots are filmed in dark " junkyard " type areas which they would like to have us believe to be futuristic ( whatever . . . )  and all the sets look like . . . . well  sets . there is also absolutely no arc to this story . it basically starts off with keanu uploading info into his brain  and then a bunch of folks chasing him from place to place until a laughable ending puts a stop to the former uneventful proceedings . gibson should stick to writing novels and " x - files " episodes  since his segue into the paranormal tv series was much more entertaining than any of this garbage . some other hilarities of this film include dolph lundgren as some futuristic jesus character whose supposed to kick ass  henry rollins as a pumped - up cyber - doctor or something  and ice - t as some kind of a hobo dude with paint all over his face ( don ', t ask ) . the ending is the funniest with some robot dolphin and a stupid ghost - lady from inside the computer doing some stuff that no one really cares about by that point . i ', m ashamed to say this film was shot in my hometown of montreal  canada  but sadly enough for us all  it was . some of the cyber - travelling special effects were okay ( hence  the 2 / 10 )  but overall  it ', s one of those bad movies that ', s just funny to watch and cringe at . thankfully for keanu  he redeemed his sci - fi career with 1999 ', s the matrix ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) . it ', s too bad that he has yet to redeem his lack of acting talent . little known facts about this film and its stars : as of 1999  director robert longo never directed another full - feature film . hmmm . . . now isn ', t that odd ? : ) writer william gibson immigrated from the us to canada in 1968  after being rejected for the draft . he lived in toronto at first  but since 1972  has made vancouver his home . his 1984 novel " neuromancer " and its sequels 1986 ', s " count zero " and 1988 ', s " mona lisa overdrive " are generally considered to be the definitive works of the " cyberpunk " science - fiction sub - genre . this film garnered keanu reeves a nomination in the " worst actor " category in the 1996 razzie awards .
neg i am a steven seagal fan . i only say this now because " mufti splenetik " isn ', t my real name and because i probably need to explain why i went into this film expecting great things . any proud seagal fan worth his beans will tell you that the seagal formula is something you can depend on . seagal films can always be counted on for minimal dialogue  heaps of expendable baddies with extemely crunchable bones ( which we ', ll always hear when seagal does his limb - twisting thing )  rarely a female co - lead in sight ( unless it ', s a real - life model - wife who hasn ', t worked since weird science ) and  usually the worst possible titles you can imagine . not to mention very straightforward plots  generally all - round bad dialogue and mr implacable leather - face himself in that same black outfit he ', s been in since nico doing his " my hands are sharp  nimble knives " thing  seagal the stoic  sir petrified ponytail  duke of dull . in the glimmer man  seagal breaks out of this formula : he gets a * sidekick *  attempts to banter  and puts on a new vest . he ', s also put on quite a lot of weight . small potatoes  you may say  a man should be able to accessorize and banter if he wants to  but damnit  if it ain ', t broke  why fix it ? ( more on this disappointed person ', s dashed expectations later ) . as jack cole  seagal is a homicide detective with a questionable past . while he and his partner ( played by keenen ivory wayans ) are investigating a series of ritual killings  cole himself becomes a suspect  especially when a background check run by campbell reveals practically nothing on cole . it turns out that cole is a former trained government assassin ( you just can ', t trust these homicide detectives )  someone whom victims used to catch just a glimpse of in the jungle before he pounced on them  and hence  well  you know  that " glimmer man " thing . an increasingly fishy homicide investigation in the present soon leads to the gradual uncovering of a larger  more threatening conspiracy that involves a crooked businessman ( bob gunton )  cole ', s former cia boss ( brian cox ) and deals involving chemical weapons . the glimmer man plot is pretty standard stuff  drawing ( as with his other films ) elements from the hotter films of the year ( eg  se7en ) . it ', s the other changes that disappoint . for example  although there ', s a fair amount of violence in this movie  there ', s also the disastrous pairing of seagal with keenen ivory wayans  probably the best known of the wayans tribe ( how many are there  exactly ? ) from television ', s " in living colour . " wayans plays whiney straightman to seagal ', s bead - adorned and brocade - draped cole  keeping up his " are you crazy " part of the dialogue with wasted zest . as campbell  wayans confines himself to bemoaning his new partner ', s eccentric habits  but the chemistry between the two is minimal  and seagal ', s wooden comebacks make for painful watching . a cook in under seige 2  seagal is now a buddhist who speaks chinese and wears prayer beads and intricate silk jackets over his normal black ensemble . he chants  refuses to fight unless truly provoked and introduces campbell to powdered deer penis to cure his allergies . again  a benign ( if trite ) plot device except for the fact that these new character traits require seagal to speak more than usual . heck  he has to deliver punchlines and carry a steady conversation with someone other than himself for a large part of the film . is that a lot to ask of the seague ? too much . seagal ', s best characteristic used to be that he knew his purpose in this already complicated world of movies : to crunchily snap off bad guy appendages  and to do it silently  and alone . not for seagal  the snappy one - liners of arnold and stallone  nor the attempts to show that he can act  much less think . no kindergarten cop  no oscar  just simple  unadulterated deathblows . that ', s really how it must have started : like - minded fans who knew what they wanted streamed in to watch the seague do his thing  knowing that never in the seagal universe would they ever have to see him do anything else . we trusted him . we got to know him . now  betrayal . i don ', t know if i can watch another seagal movie without that little niggling doubt that he ', s going to try to be funny again . i ', ll try  but it won ', t be easy . if you haven ', t watched the glimmer man yet  you might want to wait for the video to come out . it ', s easier to just fast forward the dialogue parts and linger on the action sequences . after all  if we can ', t depend on our fantasies  what can we depend on ? the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice . mufti spelenetik is still a steven seagal fan . everybody makes mistakes once in awhile .
neg " the 13th warrior " comes at the end of as summer where we ', ve already experienced man eating sharks ( " deep blue sea " )  man eating crocodiles ( " lake placid " ) and even a man hunting witch ( " the blair witch project " ) . now  " the 13th warrior " presents a tribe of flesh eating men who believe that they are bears . the story  if that ', s what you want to call it  follows ahmed ibn fahdlan ( antonio banderas ) an arabian poet who falls in love with his king ', s wife and is banished from his home land . he then travels to the land of the vikings and becomes an ambassador to them . eventually the vikings are called upon to protect the people of the village who are being hunted by the flesh eating men . thirteen warriors are chosen to go on the mission  and as you guessed it  ahmed is chosen as the thirteenth . he ', s not a warrior  and at first not well accepted by the vikings  but as the movie advances he ', ll have to prove himself both on and off the battlefield . that ', s basically the entire plot . there is also a romantic subplot that has been so badly mishandled and  one assumes  drastically cut that you begin to wonder why the filmmakers didn ', t just edit out all of the scenes attaining to that part of the story . instead they chose to leave just enough of those scenes in to annoy the viewer . the film is basically non - stop action and when it pauses and tries to develop a story it becomes a laughing stock . the battle scenes  although well choreographed  are not involving and not the least bit exciting . we don ', t get to know any of the characters and so we don ', t care who lives and who dies . the film  which wants to be beowolf  comes across more as a failed action - adventure story aspiring to epic proportions but not achieving it on any levels . it was directed by john mctiernan who ', s  " the thomas crown affair " is also playing in theaters currently . and it ', s not that mctiernan worked simultaneously on both films but that  " the 13th warrior " was placed on the shelf for so long with the studio just waiting for a time to dump it on audiences . it belongs back on the shelf .
neg when i watch a movie like mike nichols ', what planet are you from ? i can ', t help but feel like everyone is looking at me . it ', s as if all the audience is gazing at the back of my head in the darkness  eyes shooting daggers  quietly blaming me for the fact that they paid hard - earned money to spend their time watching this . . . this . . . thing . i shift uncomfortably in my seat . i ', m reminded of how i feel when i see a pair of second - or third - rate celebrities engaging in a teleprompted " funny " conversation to introduce the next blockbuster award . it ', s not my fault  i know it ', s not my fault  but dammit  someone ', s gotta be embarrassed  because it doesn ', t look like anyone on the screen is ready to take the blame . i ', m about to give you a list of names of people who are gonna make a movie together : garry shandling  annette bening  john goodman  greg kinnear  mike nichols . do any of these names make you instantly shudder ? the answer i would have come up with before today is no  this is quite a list of talented individuals we ', ve got here . granted  john goodman was in the flintstones  and greg kinnear has turned in some less - than - lackluster leading man performances in certified failures like a smile like yours  but even so  they ', ve got proven power as excellent supporting players . garry shandling has two television classics under his belt  his ingenious little it ', s garry shandling ', s show and the larry sanders show . and for god ', s sake  mike nichols directed the graduate  and annette bening is just walking away from american beauty . so explain this . . . this . . . thing . what planet are you from ? purports to be a comedy exploring the relationship between men and women satirizing the whole pop - psychology mars / venus phenomenon . but what this movie winds up being is a collection of unfunny cringe - inducing moments coupled with uninsightful cringe - inducing moments ; the end result is  unsurprisingly  an unfunny  uninsightful  cringe - inducing  thoroughly icky embarrassment . garry shandling plays an alien from a planet populated by technologically advanced but emotionally vacant males ( they reproduce through cloning  of course ) . his leaders put a select group of males through a series of tests designed to determine which one is most fit to fly off to earth  find a female of the species  and impregnate her . they ', re taught how to pretend that they ', re listening by nodding and saying " uh - huh  " and how to compliment shoes . imagine my delighted surprise when  oh heavens  all their carefully practiced tactics turn out to fail miserably  producing comedic results ! the lucky winner is fitted with a penis ( since theirs  after generations of disuse have long since shrunk out of existence . . . i will restrain myself from mentioning the implausibility of such a scenario since the population has stopped evolving due to the fact that they ', re all just clones . . . whoops  too late . ) the penis  when aroused  tends to make a humming noise . the writers  when frequently strapped for ideas  tend to turn to this as a source of " comedy . " it isn ', t funny the first time . it isn ', t funny the eighth time . it isn ', t funny the eighteenth time . if anything  it made me feel vaguely self - conscious . garry meets up with a coworker at a bank played by greg kinnear  who turns out to be a generic  unlikable scumbag . he ', s meant to fill the part of unfortunate role model for shandling ', s alien character  but he ', s so flatly drawn that even the writers quickly give up and toss him aside . kinnear ', s scumbagginess is demonstrated by the fact that he claims other peoples ', work as his own to worm his way into a vice presidents ', position and goes to aa meetings to pick up chicks . wow . what a magnificent bastard . nearly every man in the movie  in fact  is played as the same sort of sex - driven slimeball . when kinnear ', s wife walks into the office  there isn ', t a single guy who doesn ', t trip  bump into a wall  or otherwise pratfall as if they ', d never seen a woman before . the few guys that aren ', t particularly slimeballs  such as john goodman ', s detective character  are simply uncommunicative workaholics . shandling meets up with annette bening  who will inevitably prove to be the love he never knew existed  at one of kinnear ', s aa meetings . shandling ', s mission is to have a baby  and when he reveals his desires to her  bening instantly falls for him  and the next day . . . they get married . yup . the next day . cuz ya see  it turns out she wants a baby too ! bening ', s character perhaps was the most difficult to watch  especially after seeing her come apart at the seams so effectively in american beauty . . . if her character here is supposed to be representing the female of the species as a whole  then woe  i say  to the species . she ', s unfathomably insecure  and succumbs so easily to all of shandling ', s lines and lies that it borders on tragic . there ', s a point where  after thinking she may not be able to bear children  she learns that she is indeed pregnant . when garry comes home after nearly cheating on her  she strolls into the kitchen and sings " high hopes " ( you know  the uplifting ant and the rubber tree plant song ) to deliver the news  and then says to him  " now you can ', t leave me . " we ', re supposed to empathize with shandling ', s discovery of the feeling of " guilt  " but instead i wanted to weep for bening that she was placing her entire life and soul firmly in the lap of a great big nothing . and eventually  shandling falls in love with her . . . for real  i suppose  though i ', m not sure exactly what prompted it . what ', s the message i derive from all this ? men are liars  inherently empty creatures  but if you hang around long enough . . . well  maybe something will click . ha ha . . . ha ? i ', m thankful such broad cynicism isn ', t frequently allowed to run so rampant . let ', s all join hands and pray that the planet these folks are from is not this one . there ', s also a subplot involving john goodman as an airline incident investigator that wades in the bog of stupidity . goodman  through a series of astoundingly implausible realizations  puts together the fact that shandling is a being from another world with a magic  vibrating penis . it has all the makings for a subplot of having shandling be discovered  that  thankfully  never comes to the inevitable hackneyed fruition . instead  it just dangles limply on the branch for a while  withers  and falls away . further proof that goodman should just stick to doing coen brothers movies . but let ', s not dwell on this any longer  i ', ve already wasted plenty of your time and my own . let ', s move on  forget about what we ', ve seen here  and get on with our lives . and to help us out  let ', s end things on a happy note . . . congratuations go out to annette bening  winner of this week ', s " title ! " award  for delivering the awkward line of dialog containing the movie ', s name .
neg it seems like i ', m reviewing cheeseball horror movies on a monthly basis now . scream revitalized a genre the studios are now intent on burying into the ground again - the serial killers in these new slasher movies have nothing on sony and miramax in the " relentless " department . i still know what you did last summer is a terrible film in many respects  but in the wake of the stupefyingly bad urban legend  it ', s citizen hook . jennifer love - hewitt reprises her role as buxom teenager julie james - who apparently escaped certain doom at the end of the last movie by . . . waking up . she lives in fear of ben willis  the vengeful fisherman - victim of a hit and run by julie and her pals . paranoid and beat  she accepts a free trip to the bahamas from her friend karla ( norwood )  winner of the local radio station ', s 4th of july getaway giveaway . bikini - ready julie invites boyfriend ray ( prinze  jr . )  who - and here ', s the movie ', s biggest mystery - turns her down  but changes his mind and plans to surprise her before take - off . until he gets a roadside visit from captain hell - liner himself  that is . unaware of this and feeling shunned  julie goes on vacation  anyway  with karla  karla ', s boyfriend ( pfeiffer )  and will ( matthew settle )  a real boy - next - door type who ', s sweet on julie . to make a long story short - i can ', t believe it took a paragraph to describe the set - up for this gratuitous sequel - the trip is a disaster . not only is it storm season  not only is the desk clerk ( the frighteners ', jeffrey combs ) a jerk  not only are the few island residents and our heroic vacationers getting picked off by the resourceful willis one - by - one  but the karaoke machine isn ', t working properly ! ( you think killing is hard ? try reprogramming a laserdisc so that gloria gaynor ', s " i will survive " now contains the lyric " i still know what you did last summer ! " ) all is not lost - ray is on his way to save the day  and a helpful witch doctor is saying little prayers for julie and co . this picture is really about breasts : two of them . julie  like a good horror heroine  never does up her shirt to the collar  always wears white in the rain  and keeps sexy underwear on in case of a sudden desire to tan . based on the hormonal charge i got out of the movie  i can ', t imagine what it was doing to the ten year old boy who sat next to me - he gets jennifer love - hewitt  and my generation got heather langenkamp ! lucky bastard . i didn ', t like i know what you did last summer and i can ', t say i liked this continuation any more or less . the pacing in both films is languid - how is it that so much time passes with neither murder nor character development ? i still know what you did last summer has a better sense of humour than the first one  though  and at least it explains away willis ', s random selection of victims . ( i don ', t think the hotel maid or the stoner dude had the slightest idea what julie did last summer . ) director cannon ( judge dredd ) is a competent filmmaker but not a particularly imaginative one - if there is a part three ( what on earth would they call it ? )  and the fun denouement suggests there will be  here ', s my suggestion : hire a filmmaker with flair  someone who can really energize this stillborn series - someone who won ', t rely on so many shock notes . and let that person run wild with the camera . ( aside : if blandy [ sic ] must appear in the next one  try to keep the number of times she says " baby " to a minimum . thanks in advance . )
neg we ', re back in blade runner territory with this one  conceptual artist robert longo ', s vision of a william gibson - inspired future where information is the commodity to kill for . front and center is johnny ( keanu reeves )  a " cyber - courier " who smuggles data via a " wet - wired " implant . he ', s ready to quit the biz and get a portion of his long - term memory restored  but  first  he has to finish one last  dangerous job . . the pressing problem in johnny mnemonic is that keanu reeves seems to have forgotten how to play an action hero since his stint on speed . he ', s walking wood in a forest of stiffs that includes henry rollins  ice - t  and dina meyer . ( dolph lundgren ', s street preacher is in an acting category all its own . : - ) without a believable performance between them  all we can do is sit back and watch the atmosphere  which is pretty good in places . the vr sequences are way cool  but the physical fx -- such as miniatures and mattes -- leave a lot to be desired . watch out for those bad blue - screens ! we wouldn ', t mind a minute of johnny mnemonic if the action played better . too bad the debut director isn ', t very strong in this de - partment . his big finale is a sloppy  silly mess that runs twenty minutes too long  which is way past the time that most of our " wet - wired " processors have already shut down . bottom line : yatf ( yet another tortured future ) . skip it .
neg ok  i admit it -- i find camp amusement with the spice girls . yes  the same spice girls of the gimmicky individual " identities  " they of the annoyingly infectious bubblegum pop hooks and cheesy unifying mantra of " girl power . " but not even their guilty pleasure appeal isn ', t enough to carry their big screen debut  a junky mess which would be more aptly named shite world than spice world . the film begins amusingly enough  with a cheeky 007 - esque title sequence in which the british quintet -- " scary " ( melanie brown )  " baby " ( emma bunton )  " sporty " ( melanie chisolm )  " ginger " ( geri halliwell )  and " posh " ( victoria adams ) -- are introduced one by one ( to  much to my surprise  excited and only slightly mocking cheers from the press audience ) as they croon the silky ballad " too much " ( a tune that would sound right at home in an actual james bond film ) . a few minutes and an elton john cameo later comes an introductory tour of the numerous plotlines that run through the film : ( 1 ) the spicy ones go on a european publicity tour leading up to their first live concert at london ', s royal albert hall ; ( 2 ) a film producer ( george wendt ) and a screenwriter ( mark mckinney ) pitch various film ideas to the girls ', manager  clifford ( richard e . grant ) ; ( 3 ) a documentary film crew follows the girls ; ( 4 ) a pregnant " mate " ( naoki mori ) of the group rapidly approaches her due date ; and ( 5 ) a tabloid publisher ( barry humphries ) attempts to destroy the group with the help of a sneaky shutterbug ( richard o ', brien ) . capped off by a live rendition of the girls ', bouncy hit " say you ', ll be there  " a wealth of laughs and merriment is sure to follow  right ? wrong . it ', s all downhill from there as spice world collapses into a series of misfired comedy sketches . i must give the girls credit for their refreshing willingness to make fun of themselves  but writer kim fuller and director bob spiers can barely come up with a funny joke between them  much less a organized framework for all the " wacky " goings - on . spice world jumps from vignette to vignette  subplot to subplot with no direction and little sense  at one minute having the girls meet with aliens ( no joke ) and at another having them stage a daring rescue of two young fans who fall into the water during a boat ride . while a decent joke slips through the cracks here and there -- during a " dance bootcamp " scene  the girls sing the lyric " we know how we got this far / strength and courage and a wonderbra " -- much of the material is not even funny on the chuckle level . some gags are just plain pointless  such as roger moore ', s recurring role as the mysterious chief  who dispenses cryptic  metaphor - heavy advice to clifford . the only reason why i can think anyone would find that funny is the fact that moore once played james bond . ha ha . as weak as the script is  i think there ', s one insurmountable problem with even attempting to make a spice girls movie  and that is the girls themselves . the point is not that they can ', t act ( and  for the record  they really _can ', t_ ) but that their individual personas  which works as a gimmick over the span of a four - minute music video  are too thin to survive outside of the truncated  video bite mtv world . posh ( who garnered the most enthusiastic cheers during the introductions ) comes off best by default because her persona ( rich bitch ) most easily translates into character in a film . baby ', s persona ( young innocent )  to a lesser extent  also works  but the remaining girls ', identities are a little harder to flesh out . there really isn ', t much to do with sporty besides having her exercise every so often ( which is _exactly_ what fuller and spiers do )  and  after all  what exactly entails being " ginger " or " scary " ? apparently  just their wardrobes . spice world manages to pick up some steam in the late going following a flashback performance of the spices ', signature hit  " wannabe . " the song is as grating as ever  but the energy of the number gives the proceedings a much - needed shot in the arm  setting the stage for a wave of self - referential humor stemmed from the screenwriters ', film ideas ( the film almost mirrors robert altman ', s the player in the way the film snails into itself ) . this section of the film  involving all manner of derring - do involving a speeding bus  is perhaps its most effective  but it also points up how all the other storylines ( the publisher  the documentary crew ) lack a satisfactory payoff . spice world is harmless entertainment suitable for the entire family  and it will please the spice faithful . but this sloppy enterprise surely won ', t win them any new fans  which is what the group sorely needs to bolster its rapidly waning girl power in the states . once the hype disappears  spice world will likely serve as the the spices ', final hurrah in america .
neg sylvester stallone has made some crap films in his lifetime  but this has got to be one of the worst . a totally dull story that thinks it can use various explosions to make it interesting  " the specialist " is about as exciting as an episode of " dragnet  " and about as well acted . even some attempts at film noir mood are destroyed by a sappy script  stupid and unlikable characters  and just plain nothingness . who knew a big explosion could be so boring and anti - climactic ? unless you saw " blown away " . . . " the specliast " of the title is none other than action star sylvester stallone ( in comeback # 19  i think )  who plays a quiet  hermit - like bomber who was once a bomb expert with the army or something  but who suffered a change of heart when he and his assistant ( james woods  who shows us exactly what over - the - top is  other than another bad sly film ) accidentally killed some innocent people during a job . his credo is killing bad people  not innocents . and that ', s why he makes big bombs . so anyway  into his life steps the seductive sharon stone  who is basically the girlfriend / moll of the stupid son ( eric roberts ) of a cuban / miami kingpin ( rod steiger  in an indecipherable accent  which is sometimes cuban  sometimes brando  sometimes scottish  etc ) . turns out sharon is actually using her boyfriend so she can kill him  since he killed her parents when she was young . so she calls sly  leaves messages with him  sends him e - mail  etc  about planting a bomb to kill roberts  which sly listens to obsessively  and while he works out naked . yea . also into his life  though again  comes woods  who has been tipped off by stone to catch sly . using the cops  he tries to set up traps  none which really work  so when sly calls him  he goes ballisitic on his ass over the phone  getting so worked up by saying his must - be - improvised speeches that he seems to pop the vein in his head wide open . these are the most exciting scenes in the film  and woods becomes the only ounce of entertainment in the film . the film tries to offer us a moody film noir  except with explosions  but comes up completely snake - eyes . it ', s just a pretend film noir  making it a big waste of time . and for action buffs  the action scenes are pretty lame  with some really unrealistic - looking special effects ( a penthouse being blown off of a hotel looks like a piece of cardboard falling into a tub ) . then there ', s the much - discussed sex scene between sly and stone  which are about as mispaired a couple as rachel and ross on " friends . " their sex scene is more nauseating then sexy  because it shows us more of sly than stone . now let ', s guess who we ', d rather see naked  okay ? stone ', s small but perky breasts  which we ', ve seen more times than harvey keitel ', s dick  or stallone ', s veiny ass  which isn ', t usually shown for a very good reason ? i know i can ', t really judge it as a flaw of the film  but come on . the worst flaw of the film is this : it ', s boring . i mean  i was on caffeine when watching it  but my friend fell asleep only to be woken up by james woods ranting . but a good movie does not james woods going nuts make . if you ', re in for some fun action  rent sly ', s earlier " demolition man  " which sucks too  but in a much more entertaining fashion . skip this dull film  unless you want to see woods  or make fun of steiger ', s accent  or see stone ', s breasts again .
neg ` the skulls ', is a laughably bad thriller  a teen - orientated doppelganger of ` the firm ', so blazingly ridiculous that it caused me to drift into a hypnotic stupor . certain moments are so preposterous that i nearly herniated myself in an attempt to stifle laughter . i chuckled incessantly  all the way home . let me share . the skulls is a secret society conceived inside the walls of yale ( designed  i ', m sure  to mirror the actual skull & bones from the same college ) . luke mcnamara ( joshua jackson )  a townie and local varsity rowing championship victor for the third consecutive year  highlights the latest skull scouting report . despite some anxiety and caution from others  luke accepts entry into the organization . soon after  he finds himself surrounded by beautiful women  driving a new car and marveling at the $ 20  000 that somehow surfaced in his bank account . yeah  dude  pretty good deal eh ? but luke soon learns that the membership is somewhat suffocating ; when circumstances become extreme  there is no way he can leave the society - except maybe as a drooling vegetable . the premise  although lacking in originality  certainly offers its share of potential intrigue and suspense . unfortunately  ` the skulls ', is neither intriguing  nor suspenseful  nor anything else you would associate with fresh or exciting . it ', s just another abysmal teen prototype that has the soundtrack  the stars . . . . but not the script . ` the skulls ', is so bad it attains a certain level of entertainment value  with the screenplay  by jon pogue  immediately becoming the basis for a slew of unintentional howlers . first off  upon their initiation into the skulls  each new member has to have a skull branded onto their arm . afterward they are supplied with a wristwatch that conveniently covers up the scar . will they never take this watch off ? and what if they forget it by their bedside ? perhaps their ? secret ', society was being a little too conspicuous when they decided to brand new members like cattle on an area of the body that is easily exposed . on top of this  they are each given a rulebook and a key to headquarters . gee  why not member t - shirts ? but my favorite bit is this : the voting committee for the skulls does not bother with individual ? agree ', or ? disagree ', notions when making collective decisions . they are given official skull paddles . when flipped to one side  they indicate the member agrees with the proposal . facing the opposite way means a disagreement . wouldn ', t they merely express themselves verbally ? hell no . they have to retrieve the paddles for a proper vote  and maybe afterward they can play ping - pong . i ', m still chuckling about these ludicrous details  but the humiliating dialogue is enough to send one into arrest . the cast  meanwhile  combines a pinch of veteran talent with a dash of the ` dawson ', s creek ', crowd  and fuses the two together  ensuring that the embarrassment will be a mutually shared union throughout . but not entirely . accomplished actors like craig t . nelson ( as skulls chairman judge litten mandrake ) and william peterson ( as fellow board member senator levritt ) are dealt pathetic villain caricatures  and look suitably embarrassed handling them . and then there ', s christopher mcdonald  who has the capacity to be a fun  exciting actor . mcdonald ', s charisma is totally diminished here as he sleepwalks through another perfunctory bad guy role ( yes  pogue makes it a hat - trick ) . i pray it was a ` snatch - the - paycheck - and - run ', exercise for all these actors . the young troupe of performers involved fair moderately better . let ', s cut the talented canadian lad joshua jackson some slack for maintaining believability within the confines of his character . paul walker  the strapping quarterback from ` varsity blues ',  is bland but passable as caleb mandrake - the judge ', s son . walker preserves a straight face  even when dealt the silliest dialogue in the movie ( ` dad  i just killed a guy in the ritual room ! ', ) . some actual spark is generated by leslie bibb  who plays luke ', s longtime chum chloe  and manages to successfully pull off some convincing dramatics . it really boils down to the actors attempting to puncture the surrounding plastic bubble of absurdity that cages them from minute one . or maybe not minute one  thanks to a decent set - up from director rob cohen  who films early sequences with a sense of atmosphere and style . it makes you wonder why he didn ', t flee indefinitely from the project  because while enjoyable cheese like ` dragonheart ', and the moderate stallone thriller ` daylight ', aren ', t superior cinema  they belong on the afi top 100 list when compared to this degrading trash . aside from unintentionally humoring the audience  ` the skulls ', gets little accomplished . the thrills and action are lazy and mechanical . the story is stuffed with ridiculous  formulaic plotting that sheepishly overlooks the cool potential of a secret underground society flick . instead of gaining knowledge about the skulls as an organization  we are thrust into a lame video surveillance conspiracy that has developed barnacles from excessive usage . we ', ve seen it all before  and better . ` the skulls ', is a feeble little circus of stupidity  so miscalculated that -- while it would serve as a clever pun -- a term like ? boneheaded ', seems just too generous .
neg it ', s difficult to expect much from a director whose greatest accomplishments to date are a handful of " award - winning " tv commercials  as is the case with bubble boy director blair hayes . that said  hayes ', s feature film debut lives up to expectations  coming off mainly as equal parts offensive and moronic . but occasionally  bubble boy transcends its substandard roots with glimmers of humor and scathing social commentary . those moments of intelligence are delivered mostly by the film ', s two stars  jake gyllenhall as the immuno - deficient jimmy and swoosie kurtz as his over - protective  hyper religious  reagan - loving mother . gyllenhall ', s sweet - natured delivery of jimmy ', s hilariously na ? ve narration serves as the backbone for an otherwise flimsy coming - of - age story : jimmy is a bubble boy  a kid born without immunity who could die if he comes in contact with a single germ -- a plight explored more seriously in the john travolta tv movie boy in the plastic bubble and less so on seinfeld . his mom home - schools jimmy  filling his head with wildly twisted conservative propaganda and anti - sexual messages  until he ', s befriended by chloe ( marley shelton )  the beautiful girl next door . jimmy falls in love with chloe  but is afraid that his love will literally kill him  as evidenced in a scene when she drunkenly tries to enter his bubble for a kiss . but when chloe decides to marry her high school boyfriend  jimmy builds a bubble suit and embarks on a hijinks - addled cross - country voyage to stop the wedding by professing his love . the offensive bits have little to do with jimmy ', s rare handicap ( regardless of what the film ', s protesters would have you believe )  but instead center on outrageous racial stereotypes  including a screaming chinese strip club owner and a devout east indian hindi . but even if you find stereotype humor funny  it ', s hard to muster more than a giggle for these shallow gags . they even manage to bungle some potentially great moments with a group of carnival freaks . but a few of the harsh jabs manage to work  especially in the case of kurtz  who very bluntly shows the dark  hypocritical side of the religious right  and a wacky send - up of a cult called " bright ', n shiny  " led by the inimitable fabio . unfortunately  a few giggles can ', t make bubble boy the riotous  off - the - wall comedy it so desperately wants to be . honestly  it ', s a mystery how on earth this movie was ever made  and i ', m not just saying that because it ', s so mediocre . how odd for disney to take a gamble on a film with an unknown director starring virtually unknown actors that doesn ', t seem to appeal to any particular demographic and has the potential to offend so many . and now that the studio is suffering through a very public protest against the film by the parents of real - life bubble boy david philip vetter  maybe disney ', s wondering the same thing . hope the opening box office take makes it worthwhile .
neg bats is this year ', s camp flick . with the world ', s worst dialogue  cheesiest premise and stupidest editor  this one should be heaven for those who enjoy films humorous in their inanity . as for the rest of us  well . . . i ', d say skip it  but looking at the box office figures for this one  it seems as though most of america is following that advice anyway . follow their lead and you ', ll spare yourself 90 minutes of your life and 8 bucks to boot . i love alfred hitchcock ', s the birds  almost as much as i love the short story on which it is based . it saddens me even more  then  to see that american treasure ripped off so blatantly by wannabe horror / schlock such as bats . when mysterious bat attacks occur in a small texas town  the authorities call in a batologist ( dina meyer ) to investigate . it turns out that a creepy scientist ( bob gunton ) has genetically enhanced a couple bats that escaped from his lab  making them smarter and more vicious . why has he done this  you ask ? because  you see  it is apparently a scientist ', s job to make things " a little better  " even if that means the death of all mankind . so the batologist  her wisecracking sidekick and the town sheriff ( lou diamond phillips ) have to kill all the bats and save the world . of course  that can ', t happen before they wallow in some guamo ( bat shit  for the uninitiated )  get up close and personal with some truly repulsive flying mammals and survive some of the dumbest situations ever seen in a professionally produced motion picture . consider  for example  a scene where two people are in a bat cave . the bats are all sleeping  but the humans are afraid they might wake up before they can get out . what do they do ? do they get the hell out of there as fast as they can ? nope . they stand there for a while  transfixed by the thousands of bats opening their eyes . what keeps bats from being scary or creepy is the hyperactive editing in most of the attack scenes . we don ', t even get to see what ', s going on ; the screen becomes a mush because the cuts are so quick . all we know is that bats are attacking . how they are attacking and what exactly is happening remains a mystery . a little technical proficiency does wonders for horror movies  and bats sure could use some . of course  director louis morneau tries to liven things up with some intentional humor  but it is so conventional it doesn ', t really go anywhere . most of the ocmic relief comes courtesy of the batologist ', s wisecracking sidekick ( leon )  who takes every opportunity to sputter ingenious lines like " i hate bats ! " some of these are so bad that they take on a double quality : they may inspire a smirk by their very nature and a roaring laugh because they are so inept . i hate characters who exist for the sole purpose of spouting lame one - liners . playing such characters does not help actors ', careers . still  i suppose that if you ', re looking for a movie that is " so bad it ', s good  " you could do worse than bats . it does have a tremendous amount of camp value . i ', m not " recommending " the movie because  quite frankly  it sucks  and i know that this might convince some people to go out and see it . more power to them .
neg starring shawnee smith ; donovan leitch ; ricky paull goldin ; kevin dillon & billy beck the blob is the remake of the 1960 ', s classic ( a term that i use very loosely to define the original ) about a really mean glob of goop that takes out anything that gets in its way . now the original version has the virtue of cheesy special effects which give it a kind of nostalgic campy feel . the fact that steve mcqueen was the star of the film doesn ', t exactly hurt it either . fast forward to the late ', 80 ', s . steve mcqueen isn ', t in the remake ( this might have something to do with the fact that he had been pushing up daisies for years ) . nor is there any hollywood heavy hitters in the lead role . that is unless you count matt dillon ', s brother kevin as a hollywood heavy hitter . the other thing that works against this new blob is that special effects technology has improved dramatically since the original . the only things you need now to have great special effects in a movie are deep pockets . it looks as if the produces of the new blob had a couple of holes in their pockets . the special effects in this movie are cheesy  like the original ', s . unlike the original  they don ', t look campy  they just look cheap . one bright spot in the movie from a purely sexist point of view is shawnee smith . she is very attractive and can actually act  which is more than i can say about some of her costars . in terms of plot  a little ball of pink goop falls from the sky . seems this goop was an experiment that was being housed up on a satellite . anyway  the pink stuff has a taste for humans . the more people it absorbs  the bigger it gets . and it isn ', t the friendliest goop on the block either . anyway  it attacks this little town and it ', s up to the attractive local teenage population to stop it . not really  but that is how it seems . this version attempts to recapture the camp of the original . as i ', ve already said  this new version of the blob comes off more as cheap  badly acted  and badly written than campy . in the years since this film was made none of the cast have gone on to greatness . although  star shawnee smith had a very tiny role in armageddon . the reason that we have never heard of any of them again is quite simple -- they all stunk out loud . although some of the film ', s smaller roles are filled with some actors that  while not big stars  are doubtless people that you will recognize from their supporting roles in other movies and tv shows . it also appears that the producers of the blob tried to compensate for the lack of a special effects budget by making the scenes in which the blob makes meals of the townsfolk as gory as possible . sadly  it doesn ', t work very well . if you want to see a big ball of goop terrorize a town  then i would say that you should skip the remake and rent the original . ( although that isn ', t so hot either . ) this newest version is seriously lacking in any redeeming qualities .
neg toward the bottom of the ', 80s action movie barrel lies action jackson  the only movie in hollywood history to show sharon stone and vanity topless within a span of ten minutes . this carl " apollo creed " weathers vehicle features the traditional cop vs . evil establishment crook  and relies on all the ', 80s trappings  from the token heroin addict who needs a fix to the shouting superior officer . somewhere in between come the explosions and boobs  although there is a curious lack of exploding boobs . weathers is action jackson  a detroit cop known for all sorts of crazy vigilante techniques . speaking of one past criminal apprehension  jackson ', s superior yells  " you tore his arm off ! " jackson replies  " he had a spare . " jackson has been busted down to a desk job because of past problems with auto manufacturer dellaplane ( craig t . nelson ) and now has to act as department liaison to a dinner honoring nelson . after hearing what jackson thinks of him  stone says  " i take it you ', re not one of dellaplane ', s friends . " " not unless they changed the definition  " jackson glowers . and of course it turns out stone is mrs . dellaplane . faux pas  jackson . . . not everything is happy in motown ; people are being killed and dellaplane has evil plans for the awa . it ', s all up to jackson to stop it  and his only lead lies in vanity ( not his own ) . wherever she left off with prince in terms of exchanging sexual favors for career advancement she picks up in action jackson . she plays the heroin addict and chanteuse in dellaplane ', s nightclub . after singing one particularly sultry number for him  she saunters over and complains  " i expected a standing ovation . " he responds  " you ', re getting one  " and it ', s damn clever because he ', s sitting down at the time . prince wouldn ', t even let out an innuendo that lame and he ', s the king of the horndogs . . . or at least the prince . it ', s a testament to the ', 80s that sharon stone is killed off within the first 30 minutes but vanity survives the whole movie . action jackson is another variation on the " unlikely partners " buddy action flick  with jackson lugging junkie vanity around . this leads to some of the worst paired acting of the me decade  and with the dialogue they ', re given  there ', s not much room for improvement . my favorite is when vanity  feeling the effects of drug withdrawal  says  " i feel like my teeth are hollow  my gums are made of dry rubber and someone ', s trying to start a bonfire in the back of my bloody head . " jackson ', s response is  " i think i felt that way once . they called it love . " you ', ll understand when i say watch this at your own risk . serving the world for nearly 1 / 25th of a century !
neg if anyone had been able in 1983 to forsee a late - night cable show hosted by gilbert gottfried showcasing some of the worst films of the 80 ', s  they ', d agree d . c . cab is the quintessential " usa up all nite " movie . it ', s one of those childish r - rated movies that kids would love but can ', t see until it ', s edited for tv . it ', s also one of those pointless  almost plotless movies with hardly any laughs . and  strike three  it pairs mr . t with gary busey . i heard gilbert say d . c . cab had " an all - star cast  " but i ', m still hoping there was some degree of facetiousness in that statement . when third - billing goes to a two - minute appearance by famed flashdancer irene cara " as herself  " you can ', t say a damn thing about all - star casts . likewise for token appearances by marsha " roz " warfield  paul rodriguez and " politically incorrect " host bill maher  before he was somebody . appearing in d . c . cab pretty much had the opposite effect on everyone else  especially irene " i ', m gonna live forever " cara . d . c . cab is an ensemble comedy from joel schumacher ( who would go on to direct batman forever ) about a bunch of misfits who drive cabs . you get the feeling if the police academy cadets had made a different career choice  this would be the result  except here you have such interesting characters as the " token white guy " ( busey ) who wants to get in tight with the blacks now before they take over the world  the token jive talker named tyrone ( charlie barnett ) who wears his hair in rollers and uses the word " honkey " as much as possible  the tough guy with the mohawk and gold chains ( mr . t -- a real stretch for him )  the aspiring musician waiting for his big break ( maher )  the mexican gigolo ( rodriguez )  the woman who actually wants to drive cabs for a living ( warfield ) and the guy who wants to own a cab company for a living ( adam baldwin ) . we ', ve all seen dozens of bad comedies from the 80 ', s . some are fun to watch and some are actually funny . this one is more or less neither . you ', d think plenty of comedic sparks would fly from the assemblage of talent ( whatever )  but d . c . cab more or less falls flat on a continual basis  culminating in the usual contrived hollywood finale as baldwin is kidnapped and the other cabbies have to go to rescue him . it ', s a shame no one was able to rescue this movie from the depths of stale jokes and unoriginality . d . c . cab has rightly earned its position on " usa up all nite . "
neg written by alex cox  tod davies  terry gilliam and tony grisoni directed by terry gilliam i ', ve always preferred mushrooms to blotter acid . dropping acid is like riding a roller coaster blindfolded ; you have no idea where the peaks and valleys are  no idea when the next terrifying decent will send your stomach into your throat  and no idea how long the ride will last . then there ', s the hard knot in your gut and the clenched teeth that come with ingesting a strychnine - laced dose . mushrooms  on the other hand  offer the psychedelic equivalent of a leisurely ride on a ferris wheel : a steady  reassuring assent  a short period of thrilling motion and color  and then a smooth landing . acid is for daredevils ; mushrooms are for refined seekers of joy . my point is that in fear and loathing in las vegas  director terry gilliam has made an acid movie  when i wish he would have made a mushroom movie . full of shocking sight gags  aggressive images and grotesque comic performances  the film certainly offers something for those fans of hunter s . thompson ', s book who want to experience its twisted pharmacological world - view from the inside out . but for those of us who just want to enjoy a well - made film  gilliam has produced a mixed bag . fear and loathing tells the ostensibly true story of how self - professed " gonzo " journalist hunter s . thompson ( johnny depp ) and hispanic activist attorney oscar zeta actosta ( benicio del toro )  came to las vegas to cover a motorcycle race and found themselves trapped in the middle of a district attorney ', s convention while ingesting every conceivable drug available to a man of means in 1971 . operating under the pseudonyms of " raoul duke " and " dr . gonzo "  the two men careen into vegas on an acid and mescaline bender  then hole up in a hotel suite to binge on amyl nitrite  cocaine  tequila and a rainbow of multi - colored uppers and downers . they terrorize every one they meet  mostly because every one they meet terrifies them . duke hallucinates giant bats on the way into town  then is attacked by horrifying lizards in the casino lounge . dr . gonzo becomes enamored of a thick - bladed hunting knife and begs duke to throw the tape player into the bathtub with him just as jefferson airplane ', s " white rabbit " reaches its climax . and these guys don ', t just trash hotel rooms - they rape them  humiliate them and leave them for dead . that neither of them ends up dead or in jail is testament to blind luck or providence  depending on your point of view . thompson ', s book  besides being a hilarious read  has stood the test of time as an important historical document . it simultaneously exposed the 60 ', s drug culture for the sham that it was and exposed las vegas as the place where the american dream came to die . pontificate all you want about how the film illustrates thompson ', s message  but the truth is that  stripped to its bare essentials  what gilliam has wrought is a drug comedy . it ', s a cheech and chong movie . you ', re there to watch depp and del toro ingest a lot of chemicals and then laugh at the results : see johnny take drugs  see johnny fall down . there ', s nothing wrong with this concept  but gilliam tries too hard . this is a frantic movie - all sweaty close - ups  wide - angle lenses  dutch tilts and other - worldly lighting schemes . there are times when gilliam really does put a convincing representation of an acid trip on the screen . but to what end ? much of the dialogue comes verbatim from thompson ', s book  and there are some priceless comic observations . but you ', re hard pressed to hear or digest them amidst all the jumbled camera work . this brings us to the performances  which strike me as all wrong . depp plays thompson as groucho marks filtered through george c . scott in patton - a gimmicky performance which works against the biting satire of thompson ', s dialogue . in between his several puking scenes  del toro fares better as dr . gonzo  but he also mumbles and sputters so many of his lines that their weight is lost . watching these two made me wish that the movie had been made twenty years ago  with dan akroyd and john belushi as the leads - now that would have been something to see . it ', s interesting to note that alex cox  credited as a co - writer on the screenplay  was originally slated to direct before gilliam took over . as much of a fan as i am of gilliam ', s work  cox would have been the better choice . sid and nancy  cox ', s best work  covered essentially the same subject matter  but cox was able to pull back and allow the characters of sid vicious and nancy spungen to carry the film . gilliam commits the compound sin of over - directing his film while being uncertain of his purpose . what kind of movie was he trying to make  anyway ? it doesn ', t try to be a cautionary tale  and it doesn ', t work as broad comedy . if he had considered more carefully his purpose  the result would have been a much more interesting film . but i don ', t want to be too hard on it . there are some truly funny moments  and if you ', re in a good enough mood you might get a kick out of it . i do  however  recommend watching fear and loathing in las vegas under the influence of your favorite controlled substance - i guarantee it will enhance the effect .
neg the best thing about  " lake placid " is that it ', s only 80 minutes long and when it ', s over you ', re glad that you didn ', t waste more than an hour and a half of your time . it ', s nothing more than a bad rip - off of  " jaws " ( and i think that ', s being kind . ) it was written by david e . kelly ( " ally mcbeal " ) as a horror - comedy but fails at both  miserably . i was never scared and i think that i only laughed once . the crocodile even fails in comparison to the snake in  " anaconda . " the plot begins when a man is eaten in half by the giant crocodile in black lake in maine . that brings the local sheriff ( brendan gleeson ) and a fish - and - game warden ( bill pulman ) to investigate . also  a paleontologist ( bridget fonda ) from new york is sent to look at a tooth and an eccentric millionaire / crocodile lover ( oliver platt ) flies in because he wants to swim beside the beast . soon there is tension between everybody because half the people want to kill the croc and the other half want to save it . there ', s also an eccentric old lady ( betty white ) who lives by the lake and has a few secrets . as i mentioned before kelley and director steve minor ( h20 ) don ', t go for a serious approach towards the material but they also don ', t have anything sly or satirical or witty to say either . the betty white character is completely unfunny and none of the other characters are really that interesting  they ', re all basically idiots . if they had any brains the croc wouldn ', t have been that much of a challenge to catch and they wouldn ', t have put themselves in half of the situations that they did . but then again  if they were smart there wouldn ', t be a movie . basically  " lake placid " is best undiscovered .
neg that is  unless you ', re one of those people who have seen the preview a thousand times on tv or in the theaters . i can tell you one thing now : they gave the entire movie away . why someone would want to base an entire movie on one premise and then give that crucial detail away in the trailers is beyond me . however  if they * hadn ', t * given it away  the film would ', ve still been suprisingly devoid of suspense given its subject matter . obviously  the producers thought they could remake " the deep end of the ocean  " throw in tommy lee jones and a couple of cliches and call it an action drama . " double jeopardy " offers solid acting from ashley judd and tommy lee jones  who got first billing even though he didn ', t see to be on screen half as much as judd did . it also offers some genuinely funny  clever  or full - of - tension moments ( my favorite : judd waking up in the coffin )  but none of that can salvage the film from its insanely predictable plot . half the time i ', m wondering whether i ', m watching one of those overhyped tv miniseries  which always turn out to be less exciting than advertised . judging by the beginning  end  and a huge chunk of the middle  i might have been watching a special hallmark presentation too . the movie ', s stretching for an almost two hour long film with only 30 minutes worth of material . implausible material  no less . loose interpretation of one of the amendments aside  too many times in the movie i thought  " that is * not * possible * . " that kind of stuff is excusable in popcorn movies  but not one like " double jeopardy " that tries to pass itself off as serious drama . everything seems dragged out  overplayed . when they should ', ve kept us in the dark  they let the cat out of the bag too early .
neg i had an epiphany today . it occurred to me while i was watching " house on haunted hill . " it is as follows : if a trailer makes the film it ', s advertising look like a trashy  stupid movie  well guess what ? chances are  there * is * truth in advertising . too bad i didn ', t trust my own instincts when something - or - the - other possessed me to see this movie . i blame it on my sudden craving for a scare and my anticipation of " sleepy hollow . " that and " dogma " started too late in the afternoon for my schedule . an hour of " angel " or " buffy " is scarier than this doozy that tries to be scary and shtick but falls flat on its face . i wish i ', d seen it when it was halloween . at least i would have been forgiving . hey  tis the season . the movie was scary ( albeit very confusing  dizzying  and nauseating ) at first  but soon the horror got repetitive and downright laughable because the film obviously wasn ', t going anywhere . now i truly appreciate films like " scream  " " halloween  " or any old hitchcock film where the scariness stems from situations that are at least somewhat realistic . that ', s what spooks people out  the fact that it could happen to them or someone they know . there has to be a logical precedent for the situations they want to scare us with . sure  utterly unpredictable is good  too  but that ', s different from utterly nonsensical . hohh ( house on haunted hill )  on the other hand . . . well let ', s just say i about fell off my chair laughing when they oh - so - cleverly revealed that everyone who got invited to the party was related to the psycho doctors who died in the house a couple of decades ago . riiiiight . y ', know  that just sends chills down my spine . yeah . just like i wet my pants when they told me the house is evil . ooooooo . hint : blood and guts only work a few times . sooner or later people start to tell themselves that it ', s just ketchup and props and you ', ve got to come up with something better than that . there were just too many things in this movie that we ', ve all seen before ; from the inevitable " plot developments " of strangers unwittingly trapped together ; strangers turning against each other ; the evil manifesting itself ; the dead coming back for a last scare . each was more predictable than the last . why didn ', t these fools just stay together in one place anyways ? sheesh . was i grossed out ? yes . did i get spooked a few times ? yes . but why ? i get really disturbed when there is no why . when there weren ', t random scares that were there for no other reason than for the visual effect ( which wasn ', t that good either  trust me ) and the scare  the film was filled with drab  laughable dialogue . the characters were incredibly flat and cliched . not to mention downright annoying . you ', ve got a bunch of people going nowhere in their lives ; of course they ', re dumb enough to go to a party some stranger invited them to provided they win a million dollars if they survive the night . jeez  i thought no one fell for those " you may already be a winner " things anymore . and of course  all three gals are babes . i wonder how on earth the geoffrey rush of " shine " ended up in this movie . keep that up  geoff  and you ', ll qualify for the next batman venture . the only single person i enjoyed was chris kattan because  well  he just cracks me up . and famke jansen ( sp ? ) because she reminds me of the delectable brosnan . pierce brosnan ( hey  i willingly endured " dante ', s peak " three times for him : ) . all right  i concede . there were a couple of things i enjoyed . that perverted little amusement park at the beginning . i probably won ', t ride a rollercoaster for a while . and the machine they used to drive geoffrey ', s character mad ( see  i don ', t even remember their names ) . the machine  not that stupid fishtank with naked wimmin in it . i kept waiting and waiting for that inevitable twist at the end of the movie . it wouldn ', t have redeemed the film  but at least it would have made me feel better . but no  they opted for the beautiful sunrise ending . thank god they didn ', t add a kiss at the end or i would have puked . god  there is no hope .
neg director andrew davis reworks his fugitive formula and the results are about as exciting as his last film -- the dreadful comedy steal big  steal little -- was funny . keanu " i ', d rather play music than play another action hero " reeves is the grad student on the run  who  along with his superfluous sidekick ( rachel weisz )  has been framed for a sabotaged science experiment that vaporized eight chicago city blocks . ( the mushroom - cloud explosion is a knock - out and easily the best part of the movie . or  as one audience member succinctly summed it up : " whoa . " ) false information implicates their involvement and boy and girl are soon on the run  fleeing over open drawbridges  across icy lakes  and through the corridors of power at a top - secret  underground energy facility . aiding and abetting is the team ', s shady mentor  played in an excellent - but - so - what performance by morgan freeman . ( brit brian cox is also about  as the behind - the - scenes bad guy . he has some fun fiddling with a southern accent . ) unfunny  overscored  and without a single shred of suspense  chain reaction is * the * summer movie to walk out on . if you make it to the end  a mess of cross - cutting involving another imminent explosion  you ', ll hear somebody say " i guess it ', s time to go . " heed that warning .
neg one of the most blatantly obvious signs that often - acclaimed director sidney lumet ', s " gloria  " a remake of the 1980 john cassavetes film  had absolutely no effect on me occurred when i was driving home from the theatre . suddenly  i realized that since i had stood up from my theatre seat five minutes before  i had not thought once about the film i had just invested nearly two hours of my life in . when a movie is over  aren ', t we supposed to think about it for a while  and have a conversation about it with the acquaintances we have just watched it with ? i thought so  but  for one  i saw this particular picture by myself  and # 2  even if i had been with someone there wouldn ', t have been anything to talk about in the first place . to be sure  " gloria " begins with a stirring  rather poignant prologue in which a seven - year - old boy ', s family is brutally gunned down by mobsters  in search of a disc his father had with incriminating evidence on it . right before the men broke in  of course  his father gave him the disc to escape with . eventually  the boy  named nicky nunez ( jean - luke figueroa )  is caught by the mobsters  and taken back to their apartment . meanwhile  gloria ( sharon stone ) has just gotten out of prison for a crime she didn ', t commit and returns to her ex - boyfriend ( jeremy northam ) to recieve the money he promised her for covering up his crime . when he refuses to give it to her  and then hears the group of men talking about killing nicky  she leaves with him in order to save his life  but not before holding the men at gunpoint  stealing all of their money  and forcing them to strip nude . gloria is the type of fast - talking  smart - mouthed new yorker who always seems to get involved with the wrong people  and she never expected to be stuck with a kid  but she has a heart of gold ( don ', t they always in this type of movie ) and is only trying to protect the boy  whom she quickly begins to form a close bond with . the previous incarnation of " gloria " by cassavetes and starring the luminous gena rowlands  remains unseen by me  but was no doubt superior  even though i can ', t really imagine how this considerably dull story could be transformed into an entertaining one  regardless of the director or stars . there is no doubt in my mind that director lumet has stuck closely to the original  but the film itself is simply lifeless  with only an occasional laugh popping up here and there so that it isn ', t completely unbearable to watch . i liked  for example  a very funny climactic sequence where gloria is deciding whether to leave the school she has left the boy at  and keeps turning the car around  then driving a little ways  then slamming on the brakes and turning around again . these bright moments  however  appear long and far between  and the majority of the film deals with the budding relationship between nicky and gloria  which is both painfully predictable and by - the - numbers . throughout  my mind was repeatedly asking the question  " who really cares ? " as gloria  sharon stone has adopted an over - the - top brooklyn accent that honestly doesn ', t sound realistic at all . in the beginning  in fact  i was amazed at how amateurish stone ', s performance was  but as the film progressed she got better . although not one of her better turns  stone does have a comic flare that refuses to be ignored . jean - luke figeroa was fine as nicky and a little more natural than the usual child actors who are so precocious they make you want to gag . all other actors who appeared were considerably wasted  none more than cathy moriarty  an entertaining actress in her own right  who is billed fourth and has all of one scene  as gloria ', s friend whom she turns to for help . sony  the studio that released " gloria  " obviously does not have any faith in the film  and i don ', t blame them . they declined to screen the picture for critics  which is never a good sign  particularly with the high - profile people involved . although how much money a movie makes does not determine how good it is ( just look at the spectacular " in dreams  " which failed to even make the top 10 last week )  i have a suspicion " gloria " is going to vanish from theaters faster than " ishtar  " judging from the opening night 7 : 00 p . m . showing i saw it at  where there were about ten to fifteen people present  counting myself . although stone can be an impressive actress ( just watch her in 1995 ', s " casino " or 1996 ', s " last dance " if you don ', t believe me ) and sidney lumet can be a respectable director  there is no reasoning for why they thought the cliched story of " gloria " was worth remaking or  for that matter  why columbia pictures agreed to finance it when they could have been making a picture that actually looked like it might have an inkling of a chance to be successful .
neg pre - review note : seeing as the only concern of body shots is " sex "  i will be forced to refer to that particular act innumerable times throughout the duration of this review . because of this  i will try to vary word descriptions of " sex " ( meaning if you are offended by pejorative terms  and \\ or your name is jerry falwell  you are kindly invited to hit the x up on the left corner of your screen )  so if there happens to be a word you come across and cannot comprehend  fret not  it ', s most likely just another way of referring to " sex " . i think we ', d all agree that any word used incessantly becomes a bit monotonous so i hope you appreciate my attempt to liven up what could potentially be a very boring review . though not as boring as the movie which makes steve forbes flat tax plan seem as lively as watching a naked mathew mconaughy play the bongos while high on god knows what . body shots is a film so frightened of coitus that scenes of copulation are filmed ominously  in the way you ', d normally expect to see a violent attack . it ', s about people who think about screwing  seek it out  and talk about it . these are things we all do  sometimes . the characters in this film spend every waking moment pondering the simplicities of sexual acts . their lives center around the next sexual encounter  but they seemed depressed . it ', s as if fucking is all they have to look forward to after a busy workweek . at its core body shots is a message movie  the kind of thing i could picture really progressive church groups showing to middle schoolers in order to turn them off coition . michael cristoffer ( who directed gia  another film that treated bumping uglies as if it where evil ) is a moralist with nothing new to say . his characters don ', t communicate anything of interest to each other  so cristoffer gives them an opportunity to let out their inner thoughts by speaking directly into the camera . they voice simplistic platitudes like " i like to come " or " sex without love equals violence " . huh ? and yes that is as complex as this movie ', s observations get . the characters are stupid and shallow  with not one registering as anything more . the plot concerns vapid over sexed twentysomethings on an all night hunt for carnal pleasure  then the after math ( the morning after ) of such events . we meet the characters as they speak directly to us  confiding in us with their idiotic ruminations on intimacy . i would normally go into the characters and the actors who play them  giving you the pros and cons  but for this film i cannot . i ', m not trying to be clever or witty  but i honestly hardly remember anything that would set them apart from the others . with the exception of trent ( played by ron livingston as a bargain basement patrick bateman )  the rest fade into each other -- a patchwork of fake breasts  defined abs  pearly white teeth  and creamy  flawless skin . i vaguely recall brad rowe as the sensitive one  only because his character gets the worst lines ( " sex without love equals violence " ) . in between all the confessionals  cristoffer films everything like a headache commercial  with blurry slo mos and dramatic head turning . the fact that this director at one point won a pulitzer prize completely baffles me . this film is made without one iota of intelligence or insight into the generation that its tag line claims to be defining . if body shots is meant to say that all twentysometyhings are idiotic and f * * k - obsessed  fine  i don ', t have any problem with a film that tries to persuade me to think a certain way  but cristoffer only gives us one side . additionally that one side isn ', t even entertaining ; the characters indulge in buggery without an ounce of sexiness . or realism . one sexual encounter takes place outside a club on a chain link fence between the two most sensitive characters . they suddenly have vigorous intercourse with each other for no apparent reason ( other than that they both happen to be standing next to each other ? ? ? alas  if it could only be that easy ? ? ? kidding of course )  then  not only isn ', t it erotic  it isn ', t real . it doesn ', t feel like an authentic sexual encounter . every f * * k scene in this film ( and there are many ) is treated in the same unsexy manner . body shots makes fornication dirtier than the most scummy porno film . it shows us none of the pleasure that should go along with it  and most of all  it fails to show us why its characters love making it so much if they seem to hate the act of actually doing it . the resulting search for nookie ( and you can take that cookie ? ? ? ) over one night leaves us with several tedious plot lines to follow . the main concern is much ado over a rape that may or may not have occurred . the film shows us two separate versions of the possible rape ( one where it is consensual the other where it is not ) and in both versions the young actress playing the possible victim gets her shirt torn off . this is a topic that could be interestingly explored if done intelligently  and if memory serves me i can ', t think of one film that has done so  and yes i saw the accused which may be one of the most overrated movies of the 80 ', s next to wall street . unfortunately nobody gives us reason to care  not the writer  the director or the actors nearly all of whom seem to have wandered off the set of a noxious 90210 spin off . paul thomas anderson approached boogie nights in a manner similar to what cristoffer does here  though boogie nights succeeded . it was similarly moralistic  but it gave us two different viewpoints ; it showed us how the lifestyle of porn enticed its characters  and it showed us the possible fall - out of such a decision . the characters in boogie nights were as idiotic as the characters are here  but anderson seemed to care about them . he gave them heart . cristoffer gives them nothing but raging hormones . he preaches to us  by using his characters to preach to us . this is not the way to get any message across . why not just direct a public service announcement on the perils of hittin ', skins ? cristofer kind of does that  though without an ounce of insight  and with a helping of leering exploitation .
neg i ', m guessing -- and from the available evidence  it ', s not a great guess -- that burn hollywood burn began life as an insider satire of hollywood excess  stupidity  ego and power - mongering . if so  the film that ended up on the screen ranks as one of the most spectacularly ironic unintentional jokes in film history . it has already been well - documented that the original title  an alan smithee film  became a problem when miserable test screenings forced re - cuts against the will of director arthur hiller  prompting hiller himself to opt for the directors ', guild - mandated pseudonym of alan smithee . that left a film satire in the hands of writer joe eszterhas  as humorless a hack as ever put finger to word processor . and you could just smell the disaster brewing . if you ', re unfortunate enough to sit through burn hollywood burn  you ', ll still be smelling that disaster long after the lights come up . ostensibly  it ', s a pseudo - documentary account of a director named alan smithee ( eric idle ) who loses control of a big - budget action film called trio starring sylvester stallone  whoopi goldberg and jackie chan ( all of whom appear as themselves ) . when the only recourse available to him is abandoning the project to be called " an alan smithee film " -- which  of course  it already is -- smithee steals the negative of the film and threatens to destroy it . among the parties interviewed are the film ', s producer james edmunds ( ryan o ', neal ) and studio boss jerry glover ( richard jeni )  who spend virtually the entire film narrating the story while painfully unfunny things go on around them . it ', s bad enough that burn hollywood burn has -- literally -- not a single laugh for its entire  blissfully brief 84 minutes . what makes it even worse is eszterhas ', insistence upon telling every bad joke not once  but twice or even three times . michael ovitz references  showgirls references  oral sex references  whoopi goldberg / ted danson references -- all show up multiple times with all the subtlety that is eszterhas ', stock - in - trade . the reduncancy even manages to turn actively offensive with some frequency  notably with the hilarious use of the word " feminist " as an identifying caption for every single female character in the film . by the time coolio and chuck d show up as black independent film - makers the brothers brothers ( cleverly identified as " bad a -- " and " badder a -- "  among other unprintable things )  you may be ready to walk out of the theater with your coat over your head to avoid being identified . those documentary captions  for all their leaden obviousness  allow the best insight into what ', s so hideously wrong with burn hollywood burn . not content to stick any hollywood type with only one jab from his rapier wit  eszterhas fills the screen with bullet points every time a new character appears . the producer is a " liar " who " slept in the white house ; " the media are " maggots " and " leeches " working for publications like " the new york slimes " and " newsleak " ( with the camera zooming in on the altered title to make sure you don ', t miss the joke ) . it doesn ', t even matter that eszterhas tags " penile implant " after his own name when he makes a cameo  because it seems like such a desperate attempt to feign self - deprecation . this is a petulant schoolboy ', s idea of satire -- pictures of hollywood insiders to which eszterhas has taken a pen to draw little moustaches and black out the teeth . the last stomach - churning straw comes when burn hollywood burn closes with out - takes over the closing credits  the kind that show the audience how much fun everyone was having making the film that just sucked an hour and a half of your life away . perhaps it was just a final  desperate attempt by eszterhas to convince himself there was some purpose behind the film  or to convince everyone involved that a few blown lines warranted threatening to blow their whole career . pity everyone involved with this excessive  ego - driven " satire " of excess and ego . it ', s too bad that only directors can remove their names from noxious material like this . otherwise  you might have seen credits for burn hollywood burn overflowing with alan smithees .
neg " meg ryan is irresistible in the comedy that celebrates sisterhood !  " screams the television ads for " hanging up  " disastrously written by real - life sisters delia and nora ephron and sloppily directed by diane keaton . make me laugh again ! not only is " hanging up " misadvertised  since the film wholeheartedly focuses on middle sister meg ryan and gives her two co - stars  lisa kudrow and diane keaton  little more than extended cameos  but they don ', t actually come together until the final ten to fifteen minutes . and we are supposed to believe their strong bond  and smile in the last scene when they rekindle their rocky relationship  despite them being apart for the majority of the running time ? excuse me  again  while i almost bust a gut at that truly delusional notion . eve marks ( meg ryan ) is the middle mozzell sister  still living in the california town where she grew up  and with a husband ( adam arkin ) and pre - teen son ( jesse james ) . her elderly  wisecracking father  lou ( walter matthau  in his brightest performance in years ) has just recently been put into the hospital  in the final stages of what i assume is alzheimer ', s ( even though the film never enlightens us on exactly what is wrong with him ) . while eve ', s relationship with her mother ( cloris leachman ) is nearly nonexistent  since she ran out on lou and her children years ago  she has had her fair share of up ', s and down ', s with lou  who used to be an alcoholic . her older sister is georgia ( diane keaton )  an editor for the self - titled magazine  " georgia  " while maddy ( lisa kudrow ) is the youngest  a soap opera actress . interestingly  their professions are given  but we not once ever see them working at their jobs  or  for that matter  learn much of anything about them . maddy  georgia  and eve do not see each other much anymore  their adult lives gradually causing them to drift apart  but they do manage to consistently talk on the phone to one another . and they talk . and talk . and talk . . . in fact  the telephone is the major star of the film  even more so than ryan  as it appears in virtually every scene of this interminable 92 - minute catastrophe that feels like its three hours long . if you are able to get through the opening half - hour  in which phones ring so much you feel like jumping through the screen and taking a sledgehammer to them  you will surely survive the rest . the question is  who would want to subject themselves to this resolutely irritating  self - involved pat - on - the - back ? how could a comedy - drama that has the star - power of meg ryan  lisa kudrow  and diane keaton be so very bad in so many different ways ? issues from the past involving the possible jealousy each has had for one of the others is fleetingly brought up  but the film isn ', t mature enough to deal with such a thing in a thoughtful manner  and since we learn next to nothing about their childhood  it is a lost cause that comes off as nothing more than an afterthought . also  it is expected that the viewer quickly catch on to the tricky dynamic that the three sisters have with one another  but no dynamic metamorphosizes . and when they do reunite in the finale  their whole consanguinity is reduced to a repulsively annoying three - minute scene in which they argue like little children . you can see the impending death coming a mile away  and it conveniently occurs in the next scene  so that the three can quickly come to terms with themselves  and with each other . you think to yourself : " the only thing left for them to do is have a playful food - fight  " and like clockwork  it also occurs by the end credits . meg ryan is a versatile actress ( look no further than 1998 ', s " hurlyburly " or 1994 ', s " when a man loves a woman " )  despite her various detractors who stubbornly believe all she can do is romantic comedies . with " hanging up  " the only thing she needs to do is completely sever her filmmaking ties with nora ephron  a writer / director / hack who shouldn ', t be allowed to work in hollywood again after this big - budget  high - profile debacle . even if she knew what she was making was not exactly up to par in the quality department  she nonetheless is very good  and the two scenes that work  flashbacks to christmas 1988  when she had a heartbreaking run - in with her mother  and to halloween 1993  when lou crashed her son ', s birthday party in a drunken stupor  are effective because of the realism ryan brings to the situations . diane keaton  as georgia  is better as an actress than a director here  but that is a wildly feeble compliment . what is more than a little far - fetched is that keaton is distinctly older than ryan and kudrow  although in the very brief glimpses we get at them as children  she is no more than five years ryan ', s senior . yeah  right . lastly  poor lisa kudrow has been wasted once again in a big - screen venture  after her even more thin role in 1999 ', s " analyze this . " kudrow isn ', t given enough time to create a full personality with maddy  so it isn ', t her fault she doesn ', t register until a few quiet moments sprinkled throughout where she is actually blessed with being given dialogue . if anything  though  kudrow is a real talent  and i anxiously await the next time she is given a role more deserving of her time  as in her brilliantly nuanced  oscar - caliber work in 1998 ', s " the opposite of sex . " if you are a fan of kudrow ', s ( and who isn ', t ? )  do yourself a favor and rent this gem that puts more good use to kudrow in sixty seconds than " hanging up " does in its entirety . as eve ', s hardworking husband  adam arkin is  predictably  squandered with a role that gives him next to nothing to do  until a subplot reveals itself midway through  only to never be mentioned again . cloris leachman  as with ryan and matthau  makes a small  but noticeable impression with her  albeit  very brief appearance  while edie mcclurg  as a rosy - cheeked woman lou had an affair with in the christmas 1988 flashback  manages one of the few laughs in this otherwise joyless production . nearly all the emotions displayed within " hanging up " are patently manufactured  and despite the movie wanting the viewer to care about the characters  aside from eve  why would you want to when they are all spoiled brats ? if  for some bizarre  " twilight zone " - type of reason  you find yourself in a movie theater showing this film  my suggestion would be to hang up on it before the opening credits are over . saying it is a waste of time is an understatement of epic proportions .
neg under any other circumstances  i would not be discussing the ending of a film to the extent that i will in this particular review . however  in order to fully explain exactly how and why this movie is so awful  a minute dissection of the ending is necessary . even though i will not reveal the details of the last scenes  do proceed at your own risk . the movie opens ( quite poorly  i might add ) as child psychologist malcolm crowe ( bruce willis  looking like he was dragged out of his trailer at the wee hours of the morning to shoot each scene ) and his wife are intruded upon by one of malcolm ', s past patients . distraught  the suicidal man ( a cameo by new kid on the block donnie wahlberg ) shoots malcolm and then turns the gun on himself . cut to the " next fall "  as we find the good doctor quietly observing his latest case  a trouble young man named cole ( haley joel osment  one of the only child actors in a while i didn ', t want to bludgeoned over the head with a blunt instrument ) . after about 45 minutes of seemingly unrelated freak occurrences  we learn that cole has " the sixth sense "  the gift of being able to communicate with the dead . and this  as they say  is where the healing begins . the sixth sense and its unexpected popularity is founded upon a twist ending that i knew going into the film ( one of roger ebert ', s colleges was kind enough to give it away on a recent segment of " siskel and ebert " ) . although i was at first enraged that an established film critic could so callously ruin a film for thousands of patrons  i soon realized that this turn of events could in fact have been a blessing in disguise ; i ', ve always been a sucker for surprise endings ( my favorite movie is the usual suspects ) and rarely dislike a film that sports one . here  since i knew the major plot twist that was coming at the film ', s conclusion  the possibly of being bamboozled into loving a bad movie solely because of its ending ( something i ', ve fallen victim to in the past ) was eliminated . and indeed  my viewing of the sixth sense did prove to be quite an enlightening experiment . stripped of the element of surprise  the film was put to the task of showing what it really had  instead of simply hiding behind a shocking conclusion . after seeing its true colors  i came to the conclusion that the sixth sense is  despite what the many champions of the movie may say  void of any real power . it ', s a neat concept  but not one that justifies being made into a feature - length movie . in fact  the sixth sense relies so strongly on its finale that the rest of the film develops as a sort of prelude to the supposedly earth - shattering revelation that is yet to come . and when the final moments do come  it ', s a huge letdown ; the end makes no sense at all . it stupefied me with the heights of its ineptitude and is completely idiotic on a fundamental and very rare level . i won ', t go into any details  but suffice to say that  as far as i can tell  it negates to rest of the movie to such an extent that anyone who buys it even for a second must be suffering from a very acute case of attention deficit disorder . now  in all fairness  i cannot say for sure that i would have guessed the ending ( however stupid it may be ) had it not been revealed to me before hand . however  i feel very confident that i  as well as anyone who had seen a few " twilight zone " episodes  would have seen it coming a mile away . the fact that movie - goers nation wide are surprised by the ending still has me stumped . ironically  to fully appreciate the best scene ( that of cole and malcolm attending a little girl ', s funeral )  the viewer is required to be aware of a very rare psychological disorder called munchausen syndrome by proxy . i wouldn ', t have even known about this mental disease if i hadn ', t  by pure dumb luck  caught " dateline nbc " the other week when they did a feature story on it . despite being blessed with some really amazing cinematography and a brauva performance from osment ( where was this kid when casting calls were going out for the phantom menace ? )  in the end  the sixth sense is too chalk - full of contradictions and just isn ', t plausible enough to warrant even a slight recommendation .
neg brian de palma ', s snake eyes stars nicolas cage ', s evil twin  who confusingly uses the same stage name as his talented brother . like a foreign tourist who screams his lines in english to ensure that he will be understood  cage yells with the ferocity of a man with a bad case of caffeine overload . de palma  whose last great film  the untouchables  was crafted over a decade ago seems to have lost his magic . in snake eyes  he manages to elicit some of the worst performances possible out of a skilled cast . only gary sinise rises slightly above the hackneyed material . the rest of the actors become caricatures in this by - the - numbers thriller . ryuichi sakamoto ', s atmospheric and melodramatic music dominates almost every scene . heavy on the long violin notes  its rhythm is punctuated by thunder . ( the script by de palma and lost world ', s david koepp sets the action during a hurricane in an attempt to pump up the adrenaline level and the noise . only the latter is achieved . ) cage plays rick santoro  a corrupt atlantic city cop who shakes down criminals to get betting money . the movie takes place over a single evening when a world championship fight is being held . with a flashy  bad wardrobe and a gold cell phone  rick is an obnoxious cop who doesn ', t know when to shut up . spouting cliched and ridiculous dialog  he screams such lines as  " i was made for the sewer  baby ! " actually the line is more apropos for the movie as a whole . sinise plays kevin dunne  a naval officer who is in charge of the security for the secretary of the navy  who has come to watch the fight . but most people in the film are not who they seem to be  and the thin script makes all of them easy to guess . the plot  which is told in endless flashbacks  concerns the assassination of the secretary through a scheme set up by some malevolent businessmen ? that adjective is  of course  redundant in hollywood thrillers . the flashbacks become repetitious with the same scene shown again and again  sometimes from a different perspective and sometimes not . although a brian de palma film requires a certain amount of gratuitous violence  this one is remarkably tame for the man who became famous when he made carrie . the movie ', s outline has some promise  but the movie itself is leaden . the film takes itself all too seriously . at best  it is a 1940s - style b movie . a little humor would have helped the script some  but a complete rewrite would have been better . and  although i hate to say it  a different director would have been the biggest improvement . snake eyes runs 1 : 39 . it is rated r for violence and would be acceptable for teenagers .
neg a disappointing biography about the homosexual relationship of two famous 19th century french poets . the film managed to remove all the poetry from the poets and instead concentrated on their abrasive personalities . the result is merely an academic exercise  leaving an emotional vacuum that it couldn ', t build on to show them as the poets they were . on paper  this shouldn ', t have been so terrible -- it had a talented director in agnieszka holland ( " the secret garden " )  a proven screenwriter in christopher hampton ( dangerous liaisons )  and a capable cast . but the film was done in by its inept script  the unappealing way the film was directed  and the miscasting of leonardo dicaprio as rimbaud . i found his performance to be the most risible one in the film  with him acting more like a teenage brat than a young genius  spouting obsenities without giving a hint that a true poet lies behind that facade . he  especially  looked bad because david thewlis as paul verlaine looked so good despite the turgid dialogue that was thrust upon him and how thin a character he was forced to be . but when the two of them were together  it looked like a mismatch . leonardo ', s rimbaud only made the young poet look petulant and crude  yet we know from rimbaud ', s poetry  that he must have had something going for him because his poetry was awe inspiring . the film opens in post - revolutionary france in 1871  the 16 - year - old rimbaud has sent the established symbolist poet verlaine a letter with his poems . he accepts verlaine ', s praises and invitation to be a house guest in his splendid paris home  and rimbaud leaves his sullen farm in rural charleville . once there  rimbaud is disappointed in the bourgeoisie household  has an immediate conflict with verlaine ', s busty 18 - year - old wife mathilde ( romane )  and finds to his regret that the drunken verlaine loves his rich wife for her body and that he lives off her family ', s money  even though he has nothing else in common with her . when verlaine states  " poets can learn from one another  " rimbaud replies in a haughty tone  " only if they ', re bad poets . " he will continue to treat the older poet like dirt for the rest of their relationship . verlaine proves to be weak - willed  beating his wife regularly  and plays just as despicable a character as rimbaud . when mathilde ', s father kicks rimbaud out of the house  verlaine finds him in a rooming house and the two become lovers . it ', s a real downer to watch this story unfold into a series of obnoxious behavior patterns on the part of the two poets  which leads them to traveling together and mathilde asking for a divorce . in brussels  verlaine gets arrested for sodomy and spends two years in jail . while rimbaud becomes angered at the literary world and never writes another poem after he becomes 19 . he instead goes to north africa and becomes an adventurer and a gun - runner  and after ten years there  comes home with a tumor on his knee and dies a changed man at the age of 37 . the hopeless relationship between the two is what the picture covers in detail and that was not very satisfying . the film ends on a whimper . . . with verlaine talking with rimbaud ', s sister about her brother and the poems of his he still possesses  which the sister wants destroyed so as not to embarrass the family or ruin the name of her deceased brother if published . this film was especially annoying because rimbaud ', s poems are filled with a visionary tenseness that are not even approached in this film  as the film only manages to skim the surface of the lives of these poets and completely ignores the value of their poetry . i have no idea what the filmmaker was trying to say in this film  but whatever it was  it just didn ', t work . it certainly didn ', t bring any light into understanding what rimbaud meant to modern poetry and why he earned the reputation as the so - called father of modern poetry .
neg in our time . in our modern world  where the cool rule  it ', s hard to imagine that shakespeare is becoming ', the man ', . and yet - film after film  after film  is based on his everlasting magic . in warner brothers ', latest production  shakespeare is kicking ass to a rap beat  while his magic and intelligence slowly fades away . though the producers of the matrix have vaguely based their picture on william shakespeare ', s ', romeo and juliet ',  its title sequence with a frightening rap song and a black limo making its way through the dark streets of new york  is very hard to associate with shakespeare ', s poetry . the film takes place during a silent war between the two major mafia families in the city - the afro americans against the chinese . the youngest son of a chinese mafia chieftain is found murdered . the afro - americans are immediately suspected  but a peace treaty is signed between the two godfathers . it is at this point that han ( the romeo of the story ) finds out about his brother ', s death . escaping from a prison in china  he returns to united states to avenge his brother ', s fate . but before he can restore justice with his kung fu kicks  he falls in love with a mysterious beauty . the only problem is that she is the daughter of his enemy . . there ', s only a weak echo of shakespeare ', s talent in this disappointing production . and there are more problems besides its title . of course we don ', t call it a deformation of a great masterpiece . we call it ', modernization ', . it seems that the producers fear that the audience will not respond to lyrics  without any car chases and gun fights . this lack of respect for the audience i find very disturbing . kenneth brannagh has already proven that shakespeare doesn ', t need to be updated  because his tales are grounded in the basics of life and human nature . and as long as love  hate  honesty and corruption do exist  everyone will understand and embrace shakespeare . i must admit that i found ', rome must die ', very confusing . i can forgive andrzej bartkowiak  since it is his first attempt at directing . he manages to create an incredible atmosphere and directs with a firm precision . unfortunately he completely forgot about character - and story developments . his latest picture is therefore visually impressive  but intellectually hollow . the love story between han ( jet li ) and trish ( aalyah )  and the mafia intrigues are undeveloped and simplified . jet li is one of the most amazing fighters to ever hit the silver screen and aalyah has a magical voice . their achievement save this film from being completely braindead  but they are not actors  and therefore can not act . they are nothing more than two celebrities put together . the other actors  including isaiah washington  russell wong  henry o and dmx all give the standard mediocre performances . delroy lindo is the only one that projects a coherent image of reality . but there ', s more than acting to worry about . even with li ', s incredible skills in martial arts  the action scenes ( though technically excellent ) are too long and story updates simply embarrassing . to make a long story short : ', romeo must die ', is not intelligent enough to be a thriller  not sensual enough to be a love story and too serious to be a fun action film . it is certain that bartkowiak would be much better off with o this embarrassing and completely unnecessary parallel to ', romeo and juliet ',  so the film is completely stuck - not sure of what to be . and in the end it ', s nothing . there are no performances worthy of notice  no interesting character - or story surprises . so again  the only good thing about it is its technical achievement . this film can boast of great sound  fast paced editing  solid cinematography and some very well coordinated action sequences . the music is another factor that prevents you from leaving the theatre . it is mostly provided by aalyah ', s enchanting voice and several carefully inserted rap songs by various artists  that create a kind of ', ghetto feel ', to it . but when i think back  it ', s not much i remember from this ', production ', . as in almost every summer movie  there are some interesting scenes  but most of the moments that i remember are associated with massive special effects . it is not a film that will get any attention for its artistic qualities  simply because it doesn ', t have any . for someone who has never read shakespeare  it ', s another popcorn film . for those of us who has  it ', s a waste of money  time and brain cells .
neg isn ', t it the ultimate sign of a movie ', s cinematic ineptitude when you can ', t think of much to say about it other than " it sucks " ? one of the first official year 2000 releases  supernova is such a movie . i can ', t seem to get past one - word adjectives with this one  although " boring  " " stupid " and " absurd " doesn ', t amount to much of a review . a shame . i would have been able to save myself the chore of desperately trying to elaborate . but c ', est la vie . here goes nothing . i ', ll keep it short . i suppose the first bad omen for supernova came when director walter hill ( 48 hours ) removed his name from the movie  requesting that it be replaced with the pseudonym thomas lee . the film ', s fate was sealed in many minds when struggling studio mgm declined to screen it for the press  an event usually signifying a studio ', s lack of confidence in a particular movie . hill ', s and mgm ', s actions were prudent . when the captain of medical space vessel nightingale dies in a tragic hyperjump accident  a reformed drug addict who is also the first officer  for some reason ( james spader ) is forced to take command . the ship picks up a distress call from a nearby planet and  on arrival  picks up one survivor from an apparent accident in an abandoned mining colony . one of the crew members ( angela bassett ) knows this passenger  who is played by peter facinelli  and has some bad feelings about it -- and we all know what that means . this intergalactic hitchhiker is carrying some mysterious cargo -- a jellylike substance the purpose of which is unknown  though it seems to bring some form of pleasure to whoever touches it . another one of the crew members experiences this first hand ; after spending a few minutes partially inside this glob of goo  he does some impressive handstand pushups . evidently  touching this enigmatic egg - shaped thingie makes you younger and stronger . how ? why ? the movie never bothers to explain . soon enough though  spader and bassett are running around the ship like mad  being chased by the all - of - a - sudden - superhuman facinelli . to be honest  i don ', t even remember exactly why . i just remember that i didn ', t care . supernova ', s plot suggested some more or less interesting ideas  such as the ball of goo being an intergalactic time bomb  but they are all dropped before they have a chance to develop into anything truly intriguing . in fact  everything is dropped just so the actors can have some fun running around what looks like an elaborate set . well  the effects are good  though there ', s hardly a studio movie with bad special effects these days so i ', m not sure whether that ', s so remarkable an accomplishment . the performances are hardly worth talking about . i ', m not even sure i can call what ', s here " performances  " though angela bassett sure is good at giving people the finger . james spader is not a bad actor  but he proves to be one of the blandest action stars i ', ve seen in a while  mostly because he isn ', t given a character with a personality . the action scenes are just as bland  since they ', re pretty much just rehashes of action elements that weren ', t particularly entertaining the first time around . and since the action scenes are everything to this movie  it ', s pretty much dead in the water . and for the life of me  i can ', t figure out why it ', s called supernova .
neg " idle hands " is distasteful  crass and derivative . if an original thought found its way into this horror - comedy it would die of loneliness . plus  you have to question the judgment and sensitivity of studio executives who would green light the release of a movie dealing with the slaughter of innocent teen - agers the week after the tragedy in littleton  colo . the movie is insulting to horror film fans and teen - agers . the plot  what little there is  deals with anton ( devon sawa )  a high - school slacker who ', s hand goes on a murderous rampage after becoming possessed . along the way the hand kills anton ', s parents and his two best friends . the friends  also slackers  are so lazy that they return from the dead because the walk into the light was too far for them . that is the level of this ', s atrocity ', s humor . the movie treats death as a joke . " idle hands " is gruesome and morbid . the performances are stereotypical and cartoonish . i realize this is supposed to pass for comedy  but recent events have surpassed what is on the screen . it is not the fault of the filmmakers that real life has overtaken reel life . and i can only presume that the writers of " idle hands  " terri hughes and ron milbauer  were trying to make some statement about today ', s young people and their values in a satiric vein . however  it ', s hard to laugh at death these days  especially ones involving young people . with the real horrors of the world put before us on television  a stale pastry such as " idle hands " should be held from release for a few weeks or months to give us time to catch our collective breaths . " idle hands " is bad  no matter the circumstances in the world outside . but the context of recent events only heightens its shortcomings . the time is not right for this type of movie . and as far as " idle hands " goes  the time may never be right . this is a movie that shoud be consigned to the trash bin of cinema .
neg a movie about divorce and custody in 1995 seems about as timely as a movie about mood rings . family breakups have been an all too familiar part of the american landscape for nearly thirty years  and countless dramas have told stories of acrimonious court battles in hand - wringing detail . still  i can ', t recall a comedy about the subject before bye bye love . and after it  i still can ', t . bye bye love is rarely funny  more often a weak and melodramatic retread of common tv - movie fare . only a few moments which have nothing to do with the film ', s main premise offer big laughs instead of cliched emotion . bye bye love follows one weekend in the lives of three divorced fathers who get weekend custody of their children . dave ( matthew modine )  a father of two  is an inveterate womanizer having difficulty staying faithful to his latest girlfriend ; vic ( randy quaid ) is a foul - humored father of three about to go on a rare date ; donny ( paul reiser ) pines for his ex - wife and has trouble relating to his teenage daughter emma ( eliza dushku ) . over the course of the weekend  the three men face various crises  including vic ', s blind date from hell ( janeane garofolo ) and donny ', s growing estrangement from emma . the three lead actors form a rather unlikely combo  and the quality of their performances is of widely varying quality . randy quaid is the best of the three  bitter without being irritating  gleefully spiteful without being frightening . his run - ins with is ex - wife ( lindsey crouse ) are a bit over - played  though  and his confrontation with a pompous radio psychologist ( rob reiner ) is gimmicky and implausible . he does get bye bye love ', s best sub - plot  a hilarious dinner date with a gloriously demented janeane garofolo  and he does a great slow burn . paul reiser really has only one character  his slightly befuddled  uptight nice guy " mad about you " persona  but he does it well . as a personality  he is appealing  but as a character  he becomes pretty boring here . matthew modine  is  quite simply  terrible . this isn ', t a performance good enough to be called mailed - in ; he even forgot to put a stamp on it . modine lacks any charm in an appallingly under - written role  looks bored most of the time  and gets stuck with a trite little speech about how it ', s all his father ', s fault he ', s such a cad . carolco ', s executives  whose entire future is resting on modine ', s bankability for the upcoming cutthroat island  must be sweating buckets right now . bye bye love basically comes off as a very confused movie  because it spends far too much of its time on the new relationships of its main characters instead of on the relationships between the fathers and their kids  making it just another " dating in the 90s " movie . when the movie does deal with the children at all  it is to have one of them scream out an accusation and / or cry  perhaps to be resolved later by a sensitive talk and a hug  perhaps not . even more confusing is a sub - plot featuring the late ed flanders as a widower who goes to work and a mcdonald ', s and befriends a troubled youth . it is a sad end to flanders ', career  getting caught up in a truly annoying over - use of mcdonald ', s as a location  a plot device and  apparently  a major advertiser . even if bye bye love had decided to spend its time focusing exclusively on the parent - child relationships  it still would have been pretty difficult to pull off  because ultimately there is very little humor one can wring from family break - ups and their effects on children . any way you slice it  it is a bad situation for kids  and the makers of bye bye love mostly go for the heartstrings when dealing with the single parenting issue . it is left to the dads ', romantic fumblings to probide what little humor there is  and it isn ', t enough . there have been comparisons between bye bye love and parenthood  but parenthood was both genuinely funny and genuinely touching . bye bye love is a genuine shame .
neg according to the publicity material  with this movie the directors " hope to restore good old - fashioned bowling to its rightful place in the mainstream of american consciousness . " hmm . you never know  they just might be on to something . what with the rise of geek chic  lounge music and seventies fashion  the ever - contrary kids of the nineties might just latch on to bowling as another terminally unhip bastion of tackyana to claim as their own . but then  i doubt if kingpin will have anything to do with it . it ', s cheesy all right  but connoisseurs of bad taste will find this film exudes that bland smell of stale jokes rather than the invigorating stink of true kitsch . that ', s a shame  because  in the first ten minutes or so the film promises to be a lot more . woody harrelson plays the hotshot bowler on the rise  roy munson . the movie opens in the fifties with roy ', s dad dishing out the reader ', s digest / gumpian wisdom in scoopfuls  shifting to the 70s for a hilarious spoof of saturday night fever . the sardonic tone of the proceedings is much enhanced by the presence of bill murray  as the delectably slimy big ern mcracken . it ', s thanks to murray that the first quarter of kingpin seems so good - he gives the wry  derisive edge to this otherwise rather unfocused comedy . mccracken dupes munson into a hustling job  then abandons him to an angry mob who mangle roy ', s hand . then it ', s fast forward 17 years later when munson is a fat  balding loser with a prosthetic rubber hand . he ', s hopeless until he meets ishmael ( randy quaid )  an amish amateur bowler that munson takes on as protege . so together they set out for the million dollar bowling tournament in reno  picking up pretty hustler claudia ( vanessa angel ) on the way . with the exit of bill murray  the filmmakers seem to have only one direction to go  and that ', s . . . dumb and dumber . yes  indeed  kingpin is brought to you by those modern proponents of laxative humour  peter and bobby farrelly  the directors of the aforementioned jim carrey vehicle . so  prepare for much slaparound comedy with flying rubber hands  distended nipples  ridiculous hair and bull semen . get set for stock fish - out - of - water situations when city - boy roy puts on a beard and tries to blend in with the amish community  or when suaku straitlaced ishmael takes on smoking  striptease and unchristian neighbour - socking . now  don ', t get me wrong  there ', s nothing wrong with cheap humour  and i had my fair share of lavatorial laughs with woody and randy . the trouble is that these jokes aren ', t bold or funny enough to drive a movie that bumbles along without much sense of direction . it lurches from sports movie to amish - mocking to road - trip to sentimental melodrama  ( pausing for a broadside spoof of indecent proposal  and many shameless plugs for the accompanying pop soundtrack )  never quite getting it all together . some gags fall flat from a lack of build - up  while there are bits and pieces in the movie that simply don ', t do anything . why the long  unfunny fight in the car park ? why two of these ? why does that guy wear mascara  or that guy have a glass bowling ball with a rose in it ? the film is full of these half - thought - through ideas that give the impression of any old gaffer  grip or makeup artist throwing in random stuff and saying  " wouldn ', t that be funny ? " . well  no  actually . the actors don ', t do the movie much favours either . woody harrelson comes off okay  plausibly acting dumb  smart  cynical or innocent when the implausible script calls for it  but randy quaid is a ceaseless ham  and vanessa angel has no talent ( like schwarzenegger  she seems more convincing playing a computer - creation than a human -- take the tv series weird science . . . please ) . even murray hams it up when he reappears in the movie ', s climax . all in all  a fairly useless attempt at comedy  and a certified no - hoper at kickstarting the bowling renaissance . we ', ll have to look to a reinspired john waters  or perhaps somebody from down under ( " strictly bowling "  anyone ? ) for the definitive bowling comedy . the flying inkpot ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg starring kiefer sutherland ; reese witherspoon & bokeem woodbine i used to think that the conversation was the worse film i had ever seen . freeway is giving me second thoughts . freeway is a modern retelling of little red riding hood . only in the nineties  little red riding hood is a foul - mouthed juvenile delinquent played by reese witherspoon  and the big bad wolf is a serial killer ( keifer sutherland ) . to top that pathetic premise off -- reese goes to visit granny and you ', ll never guess who ', s waiting under the cover ', s in granny ', s bed . keifer sutherland is one of hollywoods most talented  yet underrated actors  and reese witherspoon is exceptionally talented and will most likely become a major star . so what are they doing in this movie ? after seeing the end result  undoubtedly they are both asking themselves the same question . you might be asking yourself why this is such a short review . the answer is quite simple -- i dont want to waste any more of my time writing or thinking about this movie than absolutely necessary . i wasted enough of my time just sitting through it . note to keifer : you wonder why you aren ', t a bigger star in hollywood ? because you keep making movies like this . note to reese : you were great in fear  what happened this time ? note to both : don ', t worry about it too much  no one saw this movie anyway . bottom line -- i ', m still shaking my head . don ', t waste your time on this turkey . if you want to see a great keifer sutherland movie  go rent flatliners or young guns . reese witherspoon ', s abundant acting talents are used to their full potential in fear  a great thriller . do yourself a favor and rent one of these movies -- but stay as far away from freeway as you possibly can .
neg synopsis : in " sooner than you think " america  the future of law enforcement resides in blade squad  a ragtag group of culturally diverse rollerblading cops with jetpacks strapped on their backs . a dangerous criminal  however  attempts to destroy blade squad after his brother dies while being chased by them . comments : so  what do an ex - gangbanger turned insubordinate traffic cop  a former prostitute with a substance abuse problem  and a junkie turned dennis rodman wannabe turned cop who crashed four police cruisers all have in common ? why  they ', re all members of blade squad  an elite new crimefighting unit wearing black uniforms  rollerblades  and jetpacks ! they also carry video cameras so they can communicate with one another a la the marines in james cameron ', s aliens . yes  it ', s blade squad  the fox network ', s wednesday night movie of the week . this " movie  " marking its dubious world premiere today  curiously has a number of guest stars . " how can a movie have guest stars ? " you may ask . well  blade squad is not really a movie so to speak but a 2 hour pilot for a possible tv series packaged as a movie . blade squad is dumb . blade squad is loud . blade squad is obnoxious . blade squad will probably be a ratings hit and spawn a long - lived tv series . why not ? after all  television has given its audience crimefighters with talking cars ( " knight rider " )  fast helicopters ( " airwolf " )  and super fast motorcycles ( " street hawk " )  and viewers have eaten it up in the past . so  why not crimefighters with jet - powered roller blades ? to be honest  as a made - for - tv presentation  blade squad is at least watchable . the film has a relatively large cast of characters  a surprisingly intelligible albeit predictable script  and enough action sequences to keep one half - interested . i ', d imagine adolescent males  probably the target audience of this turkey  would get a kick out of it . i tried to keep that in mind when i watched blade squad . i can remember liking " airwolf " and " street hawk " when i was 10 or 11 . and  although this isn ', t saying much  blade squad is leaps and bounds better than the last fox network movie i had the displeasure of wasting time on : the insipidly awful generation x ( a huge disappointment considering the comic book ', s terrific two - year beginning ) . but  i digress . despite its limited appeal  blade squad has a lot of kinks to work out if the movie is to become a tv series . one  it suffers from mtv syndrome : a lot of quick shots and weird angles continuously jar the viewer ', s senses while a near nonstop generic rock soundtrack blares incessantly in the background . oh yeah  dylan ', s " knockin ', on heaven ', s door " and bowie ', s " i ', m afraid of americans " are used here  in rather poor taste . two  blade squad needs a new crew for the sound . the substandard sound editing irritated me to no end . characters ', dialogue  at times  sounded choppy and unintelligible . during one important scene  a song played loudly in the background . when a character spoke  the song ', s volume dropped but did not disappear . as soon as that character finished speaking  the song ', s volume immediately returned to its original level until the next character spoke . this sounds trivial  i ', m sure  but it distracted me immensely . finally  this is commercial television . foul language is not allowed  typically  on commercial television . thus  don ', t use foul language in a made - for - tv production because that foul language has to be censored in some manner . in an early scene of the film  for example  the lead good guy and bad guy have a minor confrontation in the streets . when the good guy spouts out a bad word  a driver conveniently honks his car ', s horn off - screen to muffle the word out . in a " seinfeld " episode  this technique proved funny ; here  it seemed goofy and cut the dramatic tension considerably . perhaps future writers  if a show is spun out of the movie  could take a cue from marvel comics ', 2099 series of comics . make up a bunch of new bad words for the future . this way  you don ', t need a bunch of honking horns or other silly devices to cover up foul language . compared to the usual crap broadcast tv networks have to offer in terms of movies  blade squad is a suitable exercise in camp . when compared to  say  a movie studio film  blade squad has a lot in common with a term which shares its initials : bs . ( review written august 12  1998 )
neg what a contrast ! in the space of two days  i saw shakespeare in love and hurlyburly . i ', m not sure you could get two more different movies . while the former was all over the top  telegraphing everything  shoving its philosophy of life down our throats  hurlyburly was the complete opposite  wound so tight and with so much buried in its script  one could spend weeks thinking about it . this is one interesting movie . it ', s very much in a similar vein to one of my favourite movies of ', 98  in the company of men  although not quite so nasty . there ', s lots of talking and some scary insights into the world of men . hurlyburly doens ', t contain much plot : we just follow eddie ( sean penn ) around as he tries to make sense of his life and the people around him . his big question is : does it all pertain to him ? and if it does  how is he supposed to feel about it all ? " it " means everything : television  friends  events that happen . i guess it could be summed up more crudely as : what ', s it all about ? this is not a movie for answers . donna ( anna paquin ) gives some but they ', re not really satisfying : they just lead to more questions . that ', s what makes this movie stay on your mind . these are the sorts of questions that occupy our time . even when we push them to the background  however we resolve these questions influences everything we do . the performances are all superb in hurlyburly . i haven ', t seen sean penn in much before ( in fact  i can ', t remember seeing him in anything )  but he is brilliant in this . eddie isn ', t a likeable character  but sean penn makes him understandable . i don ', t want to be his friend but i ', d like to help him . chazz palminteri is also great as phil  making him an awful person . i ', d never want to know phil but still i understand why eddie wants to be his friend . everyone in this film nails their performances  making this world real . it ', s a nasty world ; it ', s a sexist world . unlike shakespeare in love which is unfailingly politically correct  hurlyburly is a man ', s world  seen unapologetically through the eyes of men . i find this fascinating and on two counts  depressing . first  it ', s depressing that such a world exists . a large part of hurlyburly ', s success is that it convinces me that such people are real and that this sort of environment exists every day in hollywood ; that there are a large number of men out there who believe women to be completely peripheral to their world  toys  playthings . sure  everyone is background to everyone else but in this world  women are a long way in the background . second  these are the movies that are being made : stories about men ', s world . where are the stories about women ', s world ? not the soap operas and the " chick flicks " that are meant to satisfy women  but the real stories that touch on the essence of life like hurlyburly does for men . hurlyburly is based on a stage play and that is evident from the moment the film starts . it ', s very talkative  intelligent and static . while this can make the film drag a bit  and people sometimes sound like they ', re quoting textbooks  mostly this is a good thing . not all films have to be filled with special effects and sweeping panoramas . not all films have to underestimate the intelligence of their audience . all it means is that hurlyburly is probably just as effective on video as it is on the large screen . it also means that you have to pay attention .
neg capsule : the running gag pair of characters from all of kevin smith ', s films gets their own movie . the gags are sporadically funny . it is more than occasionally funny for teens who are fond of scatological humor and anti - gay jokes . the plot is weak and the leads are not a particularly funny comic team . the little inside jokes and digs at other entertainment and particularly at kevin smith films are the best features of the film . sadly for me they were just not funny enough to make the film worth watching . this feels like the high school skit that that the principal would not let the kids do on talent night . ( and it turns out he had very good reasons . )  low 0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) a film needs a plot . it needs characters for empathy value . it needs a story and an emotional center . if a film is just a chain of jokes it can only be so good and any entertainment value will succeed or fail based on how funny the jokes are . kevin smith has now made two satisfying films  clerks and chasing amy . with dogma he tried to make a philosophical religious comedy and mixed with a madcap romp . peter cook and dudley moore did that very successfully with their bedazzled . but getting the combination to work is very hard to do right and kevin smith ', s fecal monsters in dogma were not the way to do it . his remaining two films  mallrats and his new jay and silent bob strike back are aimed squarely at a teenage audience . jay and silent bob strike back is a compendium of gay jokes  penis jokes  flatulence jokes  film pastiches  and in - jokes . how funny the jokes are will be a subjective call . for me  the vast majority of the jokes were just not very funny . there was not enough cleverness or variety . it is funny at most once or twice to accuse someone of being gay . penis jokes work only so many times . showing up as minor characters in every kevin smith film jay and silent bob were a clever pair of human running gags . they were sort of the modern equivalents of naunton wayne and basil radford  the comic duo who showed up satirizing the english middle class in several good british post - war films including dead of night  the lady vanishes  and passport to pimlico . jay and silent bob were originally supposedly typical generation x stoners . as the series wore on they had larger and larger parts . in jay and silent bob strike back they are the leads . jay and silent bob ( played by jason mewes and kevin smith ) are chased away from the front of the convenience store where they were dealing drugs in clerks . this leaves them at loose ends . they are not sure what would be worthwhile to do with their lives when they hear that a comic book with characters visually modeled on them will be adapted into a movie . they decide to devote their lives to wrecking the movie or getting some of that big movie industry cash . so it is off to hollywood to shake down the movie company and having adventures along the way . the film is mostly about their adventures on the road and when they get to hollywood the problem with this comedy team is that neither really pulls his weight to make the film funny . silent bob  being silent  can only contribute to the comedy by reacting with that very expressive face of his . this makes his piece of the comedy even less than a straight man like a dean martin or bud abbott would have . jay has to be the comic . he could carry the load for both if he were extremely inventive . the problem is that he is not sufficiently funny . he is too bland to be the comic half and his lines just do not show any comic flair . so jay and silent bob are a long way from being a successful comic team . their starring roles and the low humor make this a comedy for those young at mind and for people who can laugh at gags they have seen before -- sometimes just minutes before . like dogma before it  but definitely not like chasing amy  this film feels more like an amateurish skit than a real movie . certainly neither the plot nor the characters are at all involving . they are excuses for gags  many of which still fall flat . it is dogma without any of the humorous theological content . the film does not offer much to an adult audience . i rate it 4 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low 0 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg the previews for the movie are pretty good . they show a little plot  all the characters  and the emotional highlights  all spliced together to give a general impression of the script . unfortunately  the full movie adds nothing but 115 minutes . the residents of mystery love hockey . mystery and hockey go together like texas and high school football . the townsfolk love hockey so much that they even acquit a player who ', s guilty of shooting another man ( yes  that ', s one of the movie ', s jokes . ) every saturday  the best players pair off for a game  and the whole town comes to watch . the town ', s prodigal son charlie ( hank azaria ) wrote an article on the weekly game for sports illustrated . mystery ', s national fame has the town abuzz . a week later  charlie actually shows up in person  and he brings with him an offer from the nhl . the new york rangers will come to mystery to play the locals . the mysterians see this as both good and bad . on the one hand  they ', d love to have the fame and the money of such an exhibition . on the other hand  they don ', t want to turn up as the butt of leno and letterman jokes . the movie follows a handful of lives that are affected by the proposition . biebe ( russell crowe ) has just been retired from the team and is asked to coach the boys  including his new replacement . he ', s already resentful  and to top it off charlie has been making eyes at his wife . crowe is not given a lot of room to act in this film  so he ', s just kind of stuck with constantly brooding . charlie  meanwhile  is resentful of having born in a town where hockey is the only measure of a man ', s worth . his " gift " of the feature story  and of the new york rangers  was his way of compensating for not being a better skater . he hoped it would earn him some respect and merit  but the townspeople find reasons to continue disliking him . burt reynolds could have been interesting as walter  the judge whose courtroom was befouled by a moronic jury of hockey fans . walter actually has some experience with collegiate hockey  but he actively tries to put it behind him . he wants his son to take the game more seriously  but he wants his community to just get over it . reynolds could have been good  but sloppy writing and / or editing keep walter in the corner  and so reynolds never really gets to pull his performance all together . one character actually was interesting . biebe ', s wife ( mary mccormack )  like the judge  understood that there was more to life than hockey . but unlike him she has come to accept the skewed view of the community . she chose the town and her husband with her eyes wide open . her unique insight is verbalized once  and it lasts only a scene before it is gone  but her performance carries the hint of some deeper wisdom . mysterty  alaska follows a handful of other characters  but none are well developed or worth mentioning . the biggest problem with this movie is that there is no real heart to the story  no underlying thing that the movie is really about . instead  roach and screenwriters david e . kelley and sean o ', byrne try to cram the entire human condition into this sports comedy . they try to make you laugh and cry  to feel outrage and pride . they present the framing and cadence for jokes  but there ', s nothing truly funny . they show appropriately staged scenes of sadness  but they give you nothing to be really sad about . as columnist molly ivins would say  it ', s all hat  no cattle . the perfect opportunity arises for roach to say what this movie is really about . there is a funeral scene  played with appropriate gravity and somber music . it is a chance for the characters to reflect on their lives and decide what ', s truly important . russell crowe steps forward to speak  about to spell out the movie ', s metaphor for us . he says that what really matters in life is " community . . . . " then adds " and hockey . " i guess these mysterians really are as shallow as they appear . only mildly bad  mystery  alaska probably deserves 2 stars . i even laughed out loud  genuine laughs in places . but i docked it an extra half star when mike myers  a friend of roach  turned up in a role that didn ', t suit him . myers is a comic character actor . he puts on masks  becomes an outrageous caricature  and is funny . he ', s great as austin powers  dr . evil  or any of his scottish characters . nobody else in mysterty  alaska is a comic caricature . all the other people have the feel of dramatic characters in semi - serious roles . for roach to bring in myers for a few cheap laughs shows incredible contempt toward the rest of his cast  toward his audience  and indeed toward the film itself . it ', s an acknowledgment by the director that the film is not worth taking seriously .
neg a suave  cool  collected  rich  uptight bad guy = cliche . a clumsy criminal oaf to add to the laughs = cliche . a bad guy who owns a wild animal = cliche . a crooked  chauvinistic law enforcer type = cliche . at an intense moment  our main character tries to get away  but the car has trouble starting = cliche . complaining about cliches = cliche . ok  ok . so we always hear about cliches . but if there was ever to be a prime example  the real mccoy is it ! not one uttered word  not one frame of film  not one character in this whole movie isn ', t a cut and paste example of everything we ', ve ever seen . they might as well use this as a training film : " how to make a bank robbery film in the 90 ', s " . karen mccoy ( kim basinger ) is a bank robber who just got out on parole after a six - year stay at the state prison . she wants to make things right and go straight  especially with the fact that she has a six - year old son out there who doesn ', t even know she ', s alive . aware of mccoy ', s bank robbing expertise  sniveling bad guy jack schmidt ( terence stamp ) uses the same six - year old to coerce mccoy into returning to her past . he wants mccoy to pull off an elaborate heist of 18 + million dollars at the same bank she got caught trying to rob six years earlier  which  by the way  is somehow due to schmidt . and if she refuses ? who knows what he ', ll do to the kid . ( cue sinister laughter ) this movie is so pathetically pitiful that it ', s hard to know where to begin . the aforementioned cliches are brutally abundant . i can ', t stress enough how every single element  whether it be a character  the dialogue  a plot " twist "  etc .  is so damn generic that you ', ll wonder if * anyone * is working behind the scenes  let alone in front of the camera . basinger is absolutely vacant . and where do they get off trying to make us emotionally attached to her ? here ', s someone that spent their time robbing banks  and now as she heads onto the street  we ', re supposed to feel sorry for her . as she confronts her son  who doesn ', t even know who she is  are we supposed to break into tears ? ? especially when neither basinger nor zach english  who plays the kid  has any depth or emotional - radiance whatsoever . i suppose i should mention val kilmer . yeah  that ', s right - he ', s in it ! quite sadly too  seeing as how i can discuss everything about the movie and never mention his name . and he got second billing ! to be fair  i will admit that kilmer had potential in his role as the bumbling criminal wannabe j . t . barker . unfortunately the script doesn ', t allow much room for improvement  and when his character is used like bookends ( he never shows up in the middle of the film ! )  we have no time to appreciate what he might have brought to this project . the real mccoy just can ', t keep it ', s head above water  and soon  * very * soon  sinks into a cliched mess of movie . the actors are like dummies being moved about by an unenthusiastic puppeteer  and the dialogue  particularly schmidt ', s trite dialogue  falls like the niagra . this is definitely one to avoid  folks . the real mccoy is anything but !
neg ironically  one of the themes of 200 cigarettes is that you should try to make the best of every moment in life . unfortunately i will no longer be able to say that i lived every moment of my life to the fullest  because i spent 95 otherwise perfectly good minutes  watching this sad excuse for a movie . actually smoking 200 cigarettes in the same 95 minutes couldn ', t be any worse for you than it is to watch the movie . not only is it a pathetically bad film overall  but 200 cigarettes actually has no redeeming qualities whatsoever . the plot is scattered  thin and predictable ; the acting is monumentally bad ; and the style of film making resembles a home video . it is december 31  1981 and the big party is at monica ', s ( martha plimpton ) house . but no one has arrived yet . her 8 invited guests and several people that they have picked throughout the evening are wandering the streets of new york city in various groups . some of them know each other through their common bond of having slept with monica  and some are total strangers . but they all are to face their own personal neuroses before night ', s end . those who are invited are the ones that have the issues . it is up to those who aren ', t to help them come to terms . first there is eric ( brian mccardie ) who is a former boyfriend of monica ', s and is just getting over the heartbreak of their relationship terminating prematurely because of his sexual performance  or lack thereof . he is one of the most bland characters  in a film full of dullness  because he is so utterly predictable and stereotypical  a common trait of this poor production . bridget ( nicole parker ) and caitlyn ( angela featherstone ) who are both extremely sensuous young women looking for someone to handle their desires on new year ', s eve and tag along to the party with them . they stumble across a nameless bartender ( ben affleck ) who is the one truly perfect character in a film of imperfections . he is nether sexually deprived  nor uncertain about his future  as he is in law school . his lack of flaws is both boring  unrealistic and painful to watch . as bridget and caitlyn make passes at him you are neither entertained nor humored by the sub - standard comedy . moving on  there is val ( christina ricci ) and stephie  ( gabby hoffman ) 2 teenage girls with fake identification and very different thoughts . val is monica ', s cousin and a true fan of the new york scene . on the other hand  stephie is convinced that she is vulnerable to crime when the two venture out of their usual locations in search of the party that they just can ', t find . paradoxically  it is 2 punks that they meet at a bar ( actually they attempt to flee from their presence  but aren ', t successful ) who guide them through their fears and force a level of relaxation upon their warped minds . of all the insanely dull and uninteresting couples  only one approaches a level of decency in both acting and plot . wisely  the movie ', s creators have put heavy emphasis on lucy ( courtney love ) and kevin ( paul rudd ) who are best friends and share the common bond of being dateless . paul has just broken up with long time steady ellie ( janeane garofalo ) and is starting to come to terms with his loss when lucy informs him that ellie had been sleeping around during their relationship . however  the only complexity to these two characters is that they seem to want to be more than friends  and that is reiterated when they attempt sexual intercourse in a bathroom stall on more than one occasion during this strange evening . finally  there are the two worst performances and worst sub - plot of the film . jack ( jay mohr ) and cindy ( kate hudson ) have been going out for a short period of time and jack just learned that he took cindy ', s virginity the night before . while she attempts to play this down and be her usual self  he is a predictably self loathing male as he attempts to deal with a string of one night stands that includes the recently deflowered cindy . very often  when a film is as putrid as this production  there will at least be a decent quality of film making to reveal an occasional moment of glory . however  this film has neither the quality of cinematography nor the moments of glory to be highlighted . instead  what you get is a collection of rough and inconsistent cuts  bad continuity and inaccuracies . first  and most noticeable is that as the film goes from one subplot to another  there is no apparent order that it follows  and it is also weekened by unnecessarily edgy edits from scene to scene and shot to shot . at other times  objects seem to get up and move and hairstyles and costumes change from shot to shot . there are also at least 4 scenes in a taxi cab that go from start to finish . not in a single one of them does anybody pay the driver . and yet  no matter how miserable this film may be  and no matter how poor the acting is all around  there was a ray of a hope for these many bad plots . perhaps  if the makers had just decided to concentrate on one or two or  perhaps  even three  there might have been the time and opportunity for some character development  or quality acting  or even a decent plot payoff at the end . but it didn ', t happen that way . the cast of quality name actors was forced into roles that not even one of them could convert into a mediocre performance  and every story line crashed and burned quicker than it takes for the ball to drop at midnight .
neg 1990s would remembered as the era of binary movie events in hollywood - two movies dealing with the same subject  or  to be precise  same " high concept " . in summer 1994  that " high concept " was " mad bomber action thriller " . in few weeks  " thrillride of the summer " actionfest speed was followed by rather action thriller blown away  so disappointing that most of the people these days associate the title with the 1992 thriller in which nicole eggert did few nude scenes . the movie begins in the prison in northern ireland  where gaerity ( tommy lee jones )  ira terrorist with the great talent to make lethal explosive devices from almost any material  escapes from prison . he comes to boston  where he accidentally notices jimmy dove ( jeff bridges )  dedicated bomb disposal expert within boston police . few people except gaerity know the dove ', s violent past  when he used to be ira terrorist before becoming sick with violence  betraying gaerity and emigrating to america where he changed the name and started using his experience for good purpose . gaerity holds dove personally responsible for his captivity and begins the campaign of bombing terror  directed specifically at dove ', s colleagues  friends and relatives . dove  who is just going to retire and start family  now must confront the mad bomber . while speed doesn ', t even try to bother with plot and characters  using them only as an excuse for long and spectacular action scenes  blown away tries to be more conventional and provide the action with some back story . and that is the main reason why it is inferior to speed . badly written plot and badly written characters are sometimes worse than no plot and no characters at all . screenplay by john bateer and john rice  barely touches the complicated issues of northern ireland  using the tragedy only as the cheap backstory for even cheaper drama . the plot is  of course  full of implausibilities . the main one is the fact that movie fails to explain how the single individual  no matter how brilliant he is  can produce thousands of deadly devices and hold entire city at bay . those questions  same as in the case of speed  could be forgotten while the action goes on  but the pauses between action scenes are filled with cliched and predictable situation that should provide some background to the characters . because of them  movie seems a little bit too long  and boring at times . the most annoying element of the film  however  is tommy lee jones in the role of mad bomber . his acting is so over - the - top that potentially fascinating villain turns into pathetic caricature of himself . this role is in painful contrast with the strong performance given by that same actor in fugitive . the film have few bright points  though . some of the action scenes are fine  which should be credited to director stephen hopkins ( predator ii  judgement night ) . and forrest whitaker really shines in minor role of dove ', s colleague . but  all in all  blown away is a film that was justifiably shadowed by its more famous  yet hardly unforgettable competitor .
neg don ', t get me wrong -- i tend to appreciate besson ', s naive  unashamedly romantic worldview  an artsy european sensibility gone thoroughly hollywood . his 1994 leon is exciting and absurdly moving  thanks mainly to the interplay between jean reno and a young natalie portman  and 1997 ', s the fifth element is a goofy paean to love  l - u - v  that ', s even more of a hoot on repeated viewings . but his joan of arc is a mess  despite some stirring battle scenes and the mostly knockout presence of a close - cropped milla jovovich as the maiden herself . jovovich  besson ', s own personal muse through the making of his last two films ( though they ', ve since separated )  is magnetic and energetic enough to play a credible joan ( as long as you believe joan was not just a warrior  but also a fabulous  supermodel - level babe ) . and besson remains a servicable action film director  though not an especially facile one . leading her army against the seemingly impenetrable fortresses of the english  joan ', s struggle against great odds is undeniably stirring  and besson helps you understand how the french could believe  fervently  that god is on her side . besson ', s big mistake  i think  is trying to dramatize the interior life of his subject . yes  joan had visions -- but i guarantee that whatever image a sympathetic audience conjures in its collective mind will be more compelling than the blue - eyed christ figure on display in besson ', s hallucinatory dream sequences . the whole conceit turns into a disaster right about the time dustin hoffman ( billed as " the conscience " ) shows up  spouting platitudes and sending poor milla running around her cell  babbling like ally mcbeal . that ', s kind of a shame  since she does quite well up to that point  charging into battle with a banshee wail that suggests the eruption of a sublimated bloodthirstiness . that darkly attractive aspect of her character -- that she ', s as likely a charismatic madwoman as the vessel of the lord -- is more or less betrayed by the final reels  in which the conscience browbeats her over the killing she ', s overseen and joan starts to look like little more than a very confused young lady who ', s about to take a fall . as the story winds down  with joan condemned to a horrible death by fire  besson is aiming for tragedy and psychological significance . trouble is  he ', s chosen a lurid  often jokey tone for the balance of the picture -- including some blithe cgi bloodshed in the battle scenes -- and it ', s impossible to shake the feeling that this particular vision of the middle ages is  to a great extent  nothing more than a put - on . this glib  pre - fab version of such a great story makes me all the more grateful for dreyer ', s the passion of joan of arc ( 1928 )  a film whose dialogue is drawn from the actual transcripts of joan ', s trial  and which stands as one of the most harrowing experiences in all of cinema . compared to that film  the messenger plays as a crime against history . -------------------------------------------------------------- directed by luc besson written by besson and andrew birkin cinematography by thierry arbogast music by eric serra starring milla jovovich france / usa  1999 theatrical aspect ratio : 2 . 35 : 1 --------------------------------------------------------------
neg delicatessen ( directors : marc caro / jean - pierre jeunet ; screenwriters : gilles adrien / marc caro ; cinematographer : darius khondji ; editor : herve schneid ; cast : dominique pinon ( louison )  marie - laure dougnac ( julie clapet )  jean - claude dreyfus ( clapet - the butcher )  karin viard ( mademoiselle plusse )  ticky holgado ( marcel tapioca )  anne - marie pisani ( madame tapioca )  jacques mathou ( roger )  rufus ( robert kube )  howard vernon ( frog man )  edith ker ( granny )  boban janevski ( young rascal )  mikael todde ( young rascal )  chick ortega ( postman )  silvie laguna ( aurore interligator )  howard vernon ( frog man ) ; runtime : 96 ; miramax / constellation / ugc / hatchette premiere ; 1991 - france ) reviewed by dennis schwartz a black comedy set in the near future in a boarding house run by a depraved butcher . the comedy is played more in comic strip style for entertaining value than for deeper satire  as it features mostly zany sophomoric sight gags and relies heavily on special effects . the world has fallen on hard times and there are food shortages which include no meat  so the butcher serves up meat from human flesh to customers who pay with grain  almost as valued a commodity . that ', s the big joke in the film and the novelty of that cannibalism idea wears thin mighty fast  as the characters are too absurd and sketched too thinly for us to care about them . this tasteless postapocalyptic french comedy is a first feature for the co - directors marc caro / jean - pierre jeunet . it failed to reach my funny bone and instead left me mostly annoyed at its slight story and its dark projections for the future . an ex - circus clown named louison ( dominique pinon )  the film ', s too - good - to - be - true hero  answers an ad for work as a handyman for clapet ( jean - claude dreyfus )  and the butcher and landlord  offers him room and board in his house . the butcher ', s clumsy and near - sighted daughter julie ( marie - laure dougnac ) falls in love with the skinny  weird looking clown  and the two make some music together  with her playing the cello and him a saw . they are the innocents  surrounded by a boarding house of misfits suffering from fear and watched over by her overbearing father  who has lured into his tenement the clown  as he has his past innocent victims  so that he can put his cleaver to him and then sell him as meat  which he intends to do as soon as the clown fixes up the tenement . the entire film takes place in the shabby tenement  and the tenants are an odd lot of bizarre malcontents  who do not trust each other . there are two youngsters ( boban janevski & mikael todde ) who do any kind of mischief they can . a frog man ( howard vernon ) who lives with water on the floor so he can raise his frogs and snails that he eats . two brothers ( mathou & kube ) who create little cow - moo novelty toys . a man ( holgado ) who sells a bullshit detector to the butcher for his piece of meat . a slutty woman ( karin viard )  who lives with the butcher and only wants his meat . the aristocratic woman ( silvie laguna ) who tries numerous times to commit suicide but is too inept to do it right . the tenants are too afraid to come out at night because they know what the butcher is up to  so they are forced to communicate with each other through a pipe that runs through the building ( in one scene they are all in musical harmony to the lovemaking of the butcher and his gal  as their bedsprings squeak ) . there is also a sex - crazed postman ( chick ortega )  who lusts for the butcher ', s daughter and carries a gun while delivering the mail . there is also an underdeveloped subplot about a band of incompetent underground veggie fanatics  called trogolodistes  who have been summoned to rescue the clown and steal some grain . the directors overloaded the film with too many eccentrics  as the comedy seemed forced while the surreal look of the film added no dramatic intensity . delicatessen could have some appeal to the cult film crowd who like their meat sliced thin  monty python fans  and those who liked terry gilliam ', s brazil  a film similar in spirit .
neg it ', s a shame the execution of this concept falls very short of its premise . the movie is lacking and most unsatisfying . osmosis jones is crude  gross  disgusting  and was directed by the farrelly brothers - the twisted siblings behind there ', s something about mary  me  myself and irene and a couple of other movies in which the humor is mostly targeted below the belt . not that there ', s anything wrong with scatology . i bet even cavemen appreciated bathroom humor - such as it was . it ', s merely that with osmosis jones  the farrellys humor is too juvenile  too predictable . you can almost foresee the puns just by viewing the part of the inner anatomy a sequence is drawn . osmosis jones looks like one of those old health class movies gone psycho . the trouble is  the animation may please the very young  but the jokes may be over their heads  while the teen - age audience may find it too tame for their tastes . adults ? well  let ', s just say most will find it unappetizing . osmosis jones plays like a 100 - minute infomercial for the eat healthy foods lobby . the live action sequences revolve around frank ( bill murray )  who seems to be the grungiest human being in the universe . he continually looks as if he needs a shave and a shower . frank  much to the consternation of his daughter  is a fast - food addict  eating anything - and everything - that can kill you . he works at a zoo where the animals look cleaner - and presumably smell better - than he does . frank ', s body is invaded by thrax  a lethal virus  after frank eats a hard - boiled egg that had fallen to the ground . it ', s not gross enough that frank picks the egg up from the dirt and plops it into his mouth . nope  the farrellys pile it on by first having frank wrestle a chimp for the egg  wresting it from the primate ', s mouth . like i said  the gross meter tips the scales on this one . after ingesting the egg  the movie begins its animated sequences . here  osmosis jones ( voiced by chris rock )  a renegade white blood cell is teamed with drix ( voiced by frasier ', s david hyde pierce )  a 12 - hour  painkiller cold capsule to battle thrax ( smoothly voiced by laurence fishburne ) . basically  what we have is a cliched cop - buddy movie  rife with all the clich ? s of that genre . and this is why osmosis jones doesn ', t click . it merely falls back on tired  familiar conventions instead of creating new and exciting situations . the jokes and puns are lame : osmosis searches out a snitch  a former flu virus . after pumping him for information  drix tells osmosis  " funny  he doesn ', t look fluish . " and the jokes don ', t rise above that level . the live action scenes are no better . frank is such a slob  so unappealing that it is difficult to fathom how he ever married or even sired a child . he ', s almost a bigger cartoon than the animated characters . osmosis jones is a movie that may be too violent for young children as thrax burns and dissolves blood cells right and left . the animation is rather two - dimensional and flat . it lacks scope and depth . it is an unappealing movie that will leave you scratching your head  and maybe leaning toward a shower after you walk out of the theater .
neg has hollywood run out of interesting characters and plot - driven suspense thrillers that we must spend two hours watching will smith and a gritty gene hackman exchange obtuse dialogue and run around dodging fireballs ? in enemy of the state  that is exactly right . a few parts the net  and a few parts conspiracy theory  enemy is about as exciting as watching smith talk to cgi aliens in 1997 ', s lame brained men in black . will this guy ever get a real role ? he has the bruce willis syndrome . the plot is bascially smith  playing a lawyer  getting into hot water with some high government murderers  who assassinated a powerful political figure earlier in the movie  when a tape of the killing gets into his hands . he inlists the help of an old conspirator ( hackman )  and  at the end  er . . . you know . enemy was one of the worst films of last year . not only was it sloppy in telling its story and getting its facts straight  the acting was mediocre when it should have been energy driven  and i didn ', t like how smith always magically out - smarted the badies when all the other extra characters  seeming more intelligent than smith  somehow got run over by a truck . enemy came out around the same time as the superior star trek : insurrection . i know these two films are different in  well  everything  but the fact that enemy outgrossed insurrection just baffels me . somehow  quality can ', t overshadow quantity .
neg vegas vacation is the fourth film starring chevy chase and beverly d ', angelo as the heads of the hapless griswold family . as with the other three films  their two children  rusty and audrey  are played by a revolving series of actors . this time ethan embry and marisol nichols fill the roles . also back  is cousin eddie ( randy quaid )  the slob relative who seems to bring problems wherever he goes . in vegas vacation clark griswold ( chase ) decides to take the family on vacation to las vegas so that he and wife ellen ( d ', angelo ) can renew their wedding vows . it is at this point when comedy is supposed to ensue . apparently the filmmakers thought that putting the griswolds into las vegas would be so funny on its own that they wouldn ', t bother to write any jokes into the script . at least that ', s the way it looks when watching this turkey . about half way through vegas vacation i began to have serious doubts as to whether there would actually be a single laugh in the entire film  since there had been none up to that point . by the end of the movie i had actually snickered a couple of times  and i had smiled at a couple of gags . i might add that none of the funny ( and i use the term loosely ) moments came as a result of anything chase  d ', angelo or quaid were involved in . they might as well have stayed home for as much as they contributed to this film . the two best things in this movie were ethan embry and marisol nichols as the griswold kids  who manage to have a couple of their own adventures . rusty becomes a vegas high roller  providing most of the film ', s best moments . every time chase and quaid were involved in a gag  it just made it more and more apparent that they should have stopped this series after the third film . which brings me to the best moment of the film . the griswolds are driving down the highway and holiday road ( the theme from the original vacation ) begins to play . christie brinkley and her red ferrari ( also from the first movie ) drive by . it was a cute moment  but all it really did was remind me just how funny the first film had been  and just how far that this series has fallen . too bad .
neg burnt money is the perfect festival film . it will show once or twice  and then no one  thankfully  will ever have to hear from it again . this film from the seattle international film festival 2001 ', s emerging masters series is easily one of the year ', s worst . billed as a gay ` bonnie and clyde ',  this gritty film from director marcelo pi ? eyro has its only highlight in a well - designed title sequence . two gay lovers get involved in a bank robbery that makes a gang leader  whose plan they screwed up  angry . this causes the gang leader to send his boys out to get the gay guys  one of whom may not actually be gay . hiding out in a prostitute ', s apartment  the two men must fight off police and gang members in a very long showdown for the movie ', s conclusion . if caught  they risk losing all the money  and their love . as an added emotional bonus  one of the gay men is dying . or something like that . everything that happens is so quick and confusing i was completely lost . clarity isn ', t exactly this movie ', s striving virtue  so it was a little hard to pick up . not much could have really happened though . the main events in this long two - hour film are explicit homosexual and heterosexual sex  graphic drug use  extreme violence  and strong language . lots of explicit material is never a bad thing when there ', s a reason  but there ', s no purpose to anything in this film . most of the sex and violence scenes come off as silly  while the heavy drug use comes off as ridiculous and depressing . it appears pi ? eyro ( who co - wrote with marcelo figueras  from a novel by ricardo piglia ) purposefully adds more blood and lovemaking for his own amusement . he makes the actors as sweaty and dirty as possible  makes them snort cocaine  gives them guns and condoms  and lets them go . burnt money is pointless . the performances are bad . it tries to thrill and shock  but only causes boredom . god forbid it will ever get a distributor . another disappointing film from this year ', s so - called emerging masters series . pass on by .
neg claire danes  giovanni ribisi  and omar epps make a likable trio of protagonists  but they ', re just about the only palatable element of the mod squad  a lame - brained big - screen version of the 70s tv show . the story has all the originality of a block of wood ( well  it would if you could decipher it )  the characters are all blank slates  and scott silver ', s perfunctory action sequences are as cliched as they come . by sheer force of talent  the three actors wring marginal enjoyment from the proceedings whenever they ', re on screen  but the mod squad is just a second - rate action picture with a first - rate cast .
neg the haunting  a film so confusing that it forgets the true meaning of a horror film : to scare us . if you ', ve ever seen a movie  which you probably have considering you are on this website  you should know about all of the trivia they post before a movie . they have things like illustrations and you have to guess the movie or facts about the film . but  the one i always like are the & quot ; other name & quot ; joke that try and rename a particular film . for instance  the one playing before the haunting had different titles for the film  small soldiers . they had titles like little infantry and can i get those fatigues in a smaller size ? well  after seeing the haunting  i had a few particular names for it as well . unfortunately  i can only post one of them  otherwise  i ', d be getting some pretty angry e - mails from overprotective mothers . that title would be the confusing . ok  that is a pretty bad title  but it fits this film perfectly . it basically serves up no purpose  and combined with dry dialogue and a boring and confusing plot  it completes the formula for a cinematic bomb . liam neeson once again gets wrapped up in a film without any depth  but at least the phantom menace was exciting and had some depth . the haunting is nothing but trash  but unfortunately  will still make a boatload of money . before i rant and rave about how bad this film is  let me point out the few  and i stress the word few  bright spots in this film . first  the house is great - looking . it looks beautiful  but this is also a dark spot . it looks so great that it is hard to be frightened by it . this is something that rears its ugly head at all points of the film . things look so great  that you are looking on in awe instead of being scared straight . haunted house films have to contain one element to even be slightly successful and that is being eerie . the hill house is not eerie . it is beautiful  but not the least bit frightening . ever heard of lili taylor ? before this film i did not  but i am glad that i do now . she gives the only satisfactory performance in the film . despite the dry dialogue and boring / confusing concept  she manages to light up the screen every time she appears  but unfortunately  her co - stars are usually following right behind . owen wilson  who plays luke  is the only other cast member even close to giving an admirable performance  other then taylor . he is basically there for the comic relief  and his character development is poor in all other areas . all of the characters are desperately underdeveloped . wilson had potential as luke  but it seems they just needed him to add a few laughs . liam neeson and catherine zeta - jones suffer from the dialogue and plot and should not have been in this film . their characters must suffer from wicked mood swings because in each scene they turn from ruthless to compassionate to scared to brave and whatnot . they just are not believable and this is the final nail in the haunting ', s coffin . the plot is terrible . the opening scene of the film is very important  but the director makes it too obvious by getting close - ups of all the things that will play a major role in the end of the film . as i sat through the film  i kept wondering what this film was trying to accomplish . nell  lili taylor ', s character  goes from the hunted to the savior . it makes no sense and the director gives the audience no reasoning for the ridiculous changes that take place in the film . he forces the viewer to make various assumptions and does not give any in - depth information . for instance  the beginning of the film gives us a sense of why nell is getting involved in the program . but  we get zilch for the other four . plus  two of them get wiped out in the first ten minutes . and the worst part : most horror films have killings . for some reason  they kill off luke at the end of the film . no reason whatsoever  just off with his head  literally . overall  the haunting is the epitome of a bad movie . bad plot  confusing storyline and a waste of good talent . hopefully  liam neeson can rebound and get into a good film and be used to his full potential . hopefully  lili taylor will be recognized for doing such a great job in such a bad film . and hopefully  other horror films  such as the blair witch project and the haunting of hill house  will not be as bad as this one .
neg in 1989  director edward zwick began his career with the powerful civil war drama  " glory  " but since then  he has made continuous disappointments  to me at least  with 1994 ', s " legends of the fall  " and 1996 ', s " courage under fire . " those two films weren ', t bad  just not very good  but with zwick ', s latest film  " the siege  " he has finally made one . " the siege  " is a modern - day action - thriller that focuses on terrorism that is sweeping through new york city . investigating the matter is fbi agents anthony hubbard ( denzel washington ) and frank haddad ( tony shalhoub )  who are first hit by the ordeal when a city bus explodes with several innocent people on it . later  a bomb goes off in a broadway theater  killing even more . they soon meet cia operative elise kraft ( annette bening )  who may very well hold the key to the identity of the arab terrorist . there are some movies that simply don ', t need to be made  and  " the siege " may very well be one of them . oh  sure  zwick thinks he is making a " meaningful " action film  since he has added lots of exposition scenes in which the audience is basically lectured on the horrors of terrorism  but what he really has made is actually no more substantial than  say  " die hard  " which also starred bruce willis . this time  willis is horribly wasted as a general of the u . s . army  who puts a state of martial law over nyc during the climax . whatever points  " the siege  " earnestly tried to make  were obviously lost in the translation from page to screen  or maybe  zwick never really had anything serious to say in the first place . the role of the arab community is offensively stereotypical  just as women were in the recent  " john caprenter ', s vampires  " by placing them all in the category of " bad guys . " " the siege  " contains three fine actors --- washington  bening  and shalhoub --- but washington is stuck with a character that contains not an ounce of even remote development . bening has slightly more to do  and has an intriguing character to work with  while shalhoub pretty much steals the show  even though  again  he has no real character . by the climax of  " the siege  " with washington giving a sermon to willis on the so - called " message " of the story  i felt like i had wandered into a sequel to  " on deadly ground  " in which steven seagal gave a 10 - minute speech at the end about preserving the environment . " the siege " is constantly heavy - handed  not entertaining or insightful  and just goes to prove that not even the best actors can save a film that lacks a satisfactory screenplay .
neg i guess that if a very wild bachelor party had gone really bad  there would be broken furniture  traces of smack and cocaine on the floor  and a dead prostitute in the bathroom . i guess that if a movie had also gone really bad  there might be the same elements present . coincidence ? poor kyle ( a meek looking jon favreau ) . . . he is about to marry his radiant fiancee  laura ( cameron diaz ) . but before he exchanges his vows  he embarks to las vegas with his friends for one last blowout . but this bachelor party has gone about as bad as it could possibly get . the prostitute has met a horrible  though accidental death  and drugs are everywhere . the five friends agree that there is enough bad evidence here that will send them to jail for a very long time . a surprisingly calm robert boyd ( christian slater )  who looks like he was groomed to make nefarious decisions  ponders their dilemma for a few minutes before deciding that the best thing to do is to bury the body in the desert where she ', ll never be found . although they stomach the gruesome deed of getting rid of the body ( which also disturbingly involves dismantling the body using power saws in order to stuff it into suitcases )  when they return from their trip  guilt and paranoia begins to set in which slowly consumes some of the five friends . one is adam ( daniel stern ) he grows increasingly agitated . whenever people look at his van or whenever a cop glances his way  his blood pressure increases . or that just may be because of his dysfunctional family . another is michael  who was actually responsible for her death . he tries to bury his feelings  but the burden of guilt begins to affect his judgment as well . boyd is the ? doer ', of the group . seemingly suffering from a long psychosis  when he feels as if his secret is about to be exposed  he is apt to take extreme measures to cover up his tracks . kyle just hopes that his wedding will live up to laura ', s demanding expectations . then  there ', s moore ( leland orser ) who speaks 5 lines and walks around with a puzzled look on his face . the problem with this reprehensible movie is that it wants to be a cruel comedy  but it presents things in a manner that just aren ', t funny . drugs  mutilation  and killing your own friends isn ', t something to be laughed at . as a straight psychological drama  i could see how it might have worked  as each one tried to maneuver and overcome the weight of their own guilt in their own sometimes - sick ways . but this movie insults us by assuming that we could simply discard our values for 2 hours . if you do like this movie  i don ', t think that i want to know you . i did find slater a convincing leader who sways his friends to choose not the right thing but the ? smart play . ', and diaz adds some brightness to this film as a wedding - needing fiancee . but her talents are essentially wasted here . it ', s obvious that the film maker is trying to strike a certain tone . but the way that he chooses to do it is tasteless . do not make a very bad decision by seeing this film .
neg i had been looking forward to this film since i heard about it early last year  when matthew perry had just signed on . i ', m big fan of perry ', s subtle sense of humor  and in addition  i think chris farley ', s on - edge  extreme acting was a riot . so naturally  when the trailer for " almost heroes " hit theaters  i almost jumped up and down . a soda in hand  the lights dimming  i was ready to be blown away by farley ', s final starring role and what was supposed to be matthew perry ', s big breakthrough . i was ready to be just amazed ; for this to be among farley ', s best  in spite of david spade ', s absence . i was ready to be laughing my head off the minute the credits ran . sadly  none of this came to pass . the humor is spotty at best  with good moments and laughable one - liners few and far between . perry and farley have no chemistry ; the role that perry was cast in seems obviously written for spade  for it ', s his type of humor  and not at all what perry is associated with . and the movie tries to be smart  a subject best left alone when it ', s a farley flick . the movie is a major dissapointment  with only a few scenes worth a first look  let alone a second . perry delivers not one humorous line the whole movie  and not surprisingly ; the only reason the movie made the top ten grossing list opening week was because it was advertised with farley . and farley ', s classic humor is widespread  too . almost heroes almost works  but misses the wagon - train by quite a longshot . guys  let ', s leave the exploring to lewis and clark  huh ? stick to " tommy boy "  and we ', ll all be " friends " .
neg the original babe gets my vote as the best family film since the princess bride  and it ', s sequel has been getting rave reviews from most internet critics  both siskel and ebert sighting it more than a month ago as one of the year ', s finest films . so  naturally  when i entered the screening room that was to be showing the movie and there was nary another viewer to be found  this notion left me puzzled . it is a rare thing for a children ', s movie to be praised this highly  so wouldn ', t you think that every parent in the entire city would be flocking with their kids to see this supposedly " magical " piece of work ? a tad bewildered  but pleased to not have to worry about screaming kids and other disruptions that commonly go along with family films  i sat back for 97 minutes and watched intently and with a very open mind  having great expectations for the film . looking back  i should have taken the hint and left right when i entered the theater . believe me ; i wanted to like babe : pig in the city . the plot seemed interesting enough ; after the events that took place in the original  babe the sheep - pig has become a legitimate national phenomenon . but after a fateful encounter with a water well  arthur hogget ( james cromwell  who the movie could have used alot more of ) has been rendered bed - ridden for a number of weeks and the farm begins to go under financially . the only solution that his wife ( magda szubanski  going from delightfully charming to downright annoying ) can come up with is to make an appearance with their new celebrity pet at a national fair ( i think ) and to use the money they earn to pay off the bank ( set aside for the moment the fact that they could get more than enough cash from donations if they just made their case known to the public ) . problem is  the fair is being held in the middle of the dreaded " city "  a completely foreign place to both the pig and his companion . setting the main plot in motion  mrs . hogget and babe travel to the unnamed city and shack up with a sweet lady who just happens to love to help animals  despite the law that you cannot keep them in hotels . it is here that we meet an array of eccentric characters  the most memorable being the family of chimps led by steven wright . here is where the film took a wrong turn . up until this point  i had being having a rather enjoyable experience . the beginning featured some smart writing and funny situations involving the farm animals from the first one and even an inspired moment at the airport where mrs . hogget is accused of smuggling drugs . unfortunately  the story wears thin as we are introduced to a new set of animals that reside at the hotel  none of them being even one - tenth as interesting as the characters from the previous babe . the main topic of discussion surrounding babe : pig in the city is the question of whether or not it is to dark and disturbing for small children  and i believe it is . at one point  a dog is hung from his neck and slowly starts to drown . at other times  we are treated to surrealistic flash - backs to mrs . hogget ', s full cavity search at the airport . in fact  the overall tone of the movie is rather bleak and depressing . however  that is  as they say  neither here nor there because kids will probably not like the movie anyway . the animal characters and their plights were simply not intriguing enough to sustain my interest for an hour and a half  let alone entertain a child . another problem i found with the film was it ', s sudden change of pacing and tone near the end of the story . if you ', re going to make a darker and more sinister sequel  fine . it may not be my cup of tea  but at least it is a noble ambition . but to go from the downbeat feel of the rest of the movie and all of a sudden have slapstick finale with mrs . hogget swinging from wall - to - wall of a ballroom in elastic overalls ? it just didn ', t feel right and was more painful to watch than it was funny or entertaining  and the same goes for the rest of the movie .
neg to put it bluntly  ed wood would have been proud of this . a totally ridiculous plot is encompassed with bad humor  hokey drama  zero logic and a crap screenplay . also  a beautifully anti - climactic ending . not to say it didn ', t look intriguing when i saw the previews . so much for truth in advertising . roland emmerich  who ', s later " independence day " would look like " the 400 blows " compared to this  co - writed and directed this inane sci - fi film which uses the cliche of there being some connection between eqypt and aliens . in a useless opening sequence  men find a stone in 1914 with hieroglyphics on it . it wouldn ', t be till present day ( ', 94 ) till they would actually figure it out . they ', re decipherer ? a slightly - neurotic scientist ( nice twist )  dr . dan jackson ( james spader  doing his best outside of erotic thrillers and some indy fare ) who ', s life sucks so much that people walk out of his lectures after the third word . why do they use him to decipher what no one else could ? so there is a hokey ending ! duh ! he figures it out in about a minute . yea . and then they get a suicidal colonel or something  " jack " o ', neill ( kurt russel  with his wyat earp locks in the beginning then a flat - top that would make howie long snap into a fetal position ) . why a suicidal colonel ? for the ending ! you ', ll get the hang of this . they open the stargate  a bunch of them go through it with a bomb to blow it up if they find anything bad . after an overdone special effects thing  they ', re . . . inside a goddam pyramid . so they went to egypt  right ? wrong . they ', re on another planet that was filmed in egypt . they discover a cilvilization ruled by ra  the sun god ( the androginous jaye davidson  with a voice modifier to make him sound like barry white with asthma )  and there are fights  explosions and a kiss between two people . yea . also melodrama  stupidity  hokey scenes and a bizarre language . an anti - climactic ending ends with stupid lines ( " say hello to king tut  asswhole ! " - the quintessential line  lemme tell ya ) and some convenient pesudo - pseudo - pseudo - character development . by the end  you just wanna go home and watch  i don ', t know  the " outer limits " or something . the script ', s terrible . the special effects are okay  but nothing great . the story ', s so weak that it ', s almost opaque . the whole experience just isn ', t worth it unless you ', re so bored that you ', d consider watching a " full house " marathon . . . or this . i ', d pick this  obviously  but still  it ', s just not fun at all . and i can ', t wait for it to premier on mst3k .
neg i wonder if budget is at all a criterion for whether or not a movie can be considered an exploitation flick . take the professional  for example . it boasts extremely glossy cinematography  a couple of recognizable name actors  and a couple of fairly impressive explosions . it ', s also basically about violence and cheap titilation  and features a central relationship between a middle - aged man and a twelve - year - old girl with a decidedly ambiguous sexual dimension . the professional is all over the map  and its pretensions of being about anything more than its most unpleasant elements simply make it all the more unpleasant . the professional of the title is a new york hit man named leon ( jean reno )  brutally efficient but also very isolated . one day he is forced to let someone into his life when a girl from his apartment building knocks on his door . her name is matilda ( natalie portman )  and the rest of her family has just been killed by crooked and very wired d . e . a . agent norman stansfield ( gary oldman ) after matilda ', s father tried to rip him off . leon reluctantly takes matilda in  then begins to teach her his profession when she says that she wants to avenge the murder of her young brother . the two become closer  which makes them all the more vulnerable when stansfield learns that they know too much  and sets out to eliminate them both . writer / director luc besson has gone this route before with his popular french import la femme nikita  a slick potboiler about a female assassin . there is no question that besson can make a great * looking * film ; with the assistance of cinematographer thierry arbogast  he has created a film chock full of moody close - ups and evocative lighting . but beneath the shiny wrapper  there isn ', t nearly as much going on as besson would like us to believe . the relationship between leon and matilda never clicks because neither one is given a character to develop . leon is mostly a collection of quirky traits  all intended to show us that for a hired killer  he ', s really not so bad a guy : he drinks lots of milk  takes meticulous care of a potted plant  and enjoys gene kelly movies . jean reno succeeds at giving leon a haunted and desperate quality  but he never makes an emotional connection to matilda . natalie portman is all wrong for a part that called for a much grittier quality  but she doesn ', t have too much to work with  either . besson would have been better served spending more time trying to bring his characters to life  and less on feeble attempts at humor which are often embarrassing . a silly game between leon and matilda involving celebrity impersonations is completely out of place  as is a scene where matilda shocks a hotel manager by announcing that leon is her lover ; character is thoroughly sacrificed for a cheap gag . gary oldman ', s entire part is something of a cheap gag  wild - eyed and way over the top  but at least he is interesting to watch . there isn ', t a real person to be found anywhere in the professional  which isn ', t always a problem in an action thriller  except that this one is trying to pass itself off as something more . a more disconcerting problem with the professional is that it plays around with the sexuality of a twelve - year - old in a really distasteful way . there were only two real choices for dealing with that component of leon and matilda ', s relationship : confront it head on  or ignore it entirely . but besson flirts and teases the audience with the idea that he ', s going to show them a forbidden love story  while choosing simply to focus his camera on portman ', s rear end and dress her in skimpy clothing . this is to say nothing of the questionable decision to make it look like quality paternal time when leon is teaching a child to load a 9mm pistol  or the blood which is spilled aplenty . a great deal of the time  the professional is just plain sleazy  and all the soft filters in the world can ', t disguise that fact .
neg one of these days  i ', ll make good on my promise never to rent another abel ferrara movie . king of new york and body snatchers notwithstanding ( and bad lieutenant is only fit for a single  emotive viewing )  his exploitation flicks have fallen into a rut of hoary art - house trappings . it ', s a perfume - drenched  coke - addled visit to the seedy pornography shop  where beautiful models ( no  hookers -- no  courtesans ) usher you through the silk curtains . ferrara ', s only consistently smart move has been casting christopher walken over and over again  since walken can make a good movie great and a loathsome movie durable whenever he ', s onscreen . his 8 - minute scene in the addiction is the saving grace of that otherwise abysmal  unwatchable  and pretentious failure . when he starts talking about his vampiric bowel movements  or questions whether lili taylor has ever read naked lunch  there ', s a much - needed dose of humor in an otherwise terminally unfunny affair . you know those gothic club kids who are too cool to smile and let you know they ', re actually having fun ? the addiction is that movie . walken  sadly  does not appear in the blackout . the central role of matty  a junkie film star whose lightning paced hollywood life among the beautiful people is inevitably leading to his destruction  is played by matthew modine ( who takes what he can get after cutthroat island ) . much like the protagonists of michelangelo antonioni ', s terminally bored cultural elite  matty is involved in a bitter pill " relationship " with high fashioned model annie ( at least i think she ', s a model . ) matty ', s lady is played by french actress b ? atrice dalle  arrested twice for cocaine possession during filming of the blackout -- not that you needed to know that  but it lends credence to the idea that ferrara ', s entire oeuvre has been filmed in a fucking blackout . no kidding . requiem for a dream has nothing on the junkie presentations seen in ferrara ', s movies and his controversial urban lifestyle . matty and annie struggle over her decision to have an abortion without consulting him . no doubt  he was off chasing the dragon . in his despair  matty indulges in a chemical induced weekend of debauchery  tooling around the streets of miami with video filmmaker mickey wayne ( dennis hopper  in full " dirty ol ', man " mold smacking models on the ass and telling them to spread their legs . wider ! ) toward the end of the night  they pick up a teenage waitress also named annie ( sarah lassez )  start shooting a hastily improvised sexual scene  then matty thankfully blacks out . something happened that night which haunts him throughout the rest of the movie  and it ', s exactly what you think it was . suffice to say  there ', s some confusion over whether he killed annie one or annie two  or anyone at all . the blackout is typical ferrara : no plot to speak of  plenty of raunch  and horribly vogue images of matthew modine downing a bottle of jack daniels and a beer while wrapping himself in a see - through curtain in his hotel room by the sea  by the sea  by the beautiful sea . cinematographer ken kelsch finds inconsistent glory in alternating gorgeous painterly sunsets with docu - style sleaze ( and we ', re back to dennis hopper leering at girls in bathing suits . " yeah ! ! ! yeah ! ! ! arrrghhh ! " says mr . hopper . dirty old sod . ) it ', s compulsive viewing in a tacky sort of way  leading to a ridiculous climax where modine seizes control of his destiny . how ', s that for cryptic ? never fear -- ferrara finds time for some female full frontal nudity to remind us what he ', s all about . i can picture it now . " take off yer clothes  kid -- it ', s essential to depict the inner maelstrom of my central protagonist  and you ', re his visual id . you ', re the soul  the heart  the bloodstream of the picture . take it off ! take it all off ! ! ! ha ha ha ! " friggin ', vampire . yeah  you  ferrara . a final word about matthew modine : he ', s actually a fine actor when properly cast  but there ', s something too squeaky - clean in his demeanor . he ', s ideally suited for sarcastic men in tightly controlled situations  such as his private joker in full metal jacket or the time - bomb nebbish in short cuts ( who is every bit as superb as julianne moore in that famous scene  though no one seems to notice him ) . [ he was in that scene ? - ed . ] here  he ', s asked to let it all hang out  sporting a three - day stubble and oily bangs . he throws around furniture like stanley kowalski  but it ', s somehow lacking . modine lacks the feral intensity of brando  entirely miscast in ferrara ', s flesh fair . better luck next time  matt . someday  you ', ll be forgiven for cutthroat island  which wasn ', t really your fault in the first place . maybe atom egoyan will find a place for you somewhere  and all will once again be well in your world .
neg making your first feature film ain ', t easy . assemble a decent  if not  strong cast  as writer / director robert moresco has done with one eyed king  and you ', re already ahead of the game . but rehash old plot lines  tired dialogue  and standard clich ? s  and a well - intentioned effort such as this one could jeopardize your chance at a second feature film . how many more movies do we need about a rough neighborhood full of lifelong friends hopelessly turned to crime or worse ? the enormous catalog of such movies might dissuade a filmmaker from making yet another  but here we have it . again . five irish kids in nyc ', s hell ', s kitchen make an overemotional pact over some stolen rings on an anonymous rooftop . with teary music . and slow motion . in the film ', s first scene . the kids grow up to be fairly worthless adults  unable or unwilling to make their way out of the heat of the kitchen . leading the clueless pack is william baldwin as a good - hearted guy who watches out for his buddies and is in tight with local mob head armand assante . i ', d like to say that his character gets involved over his head in some sort of blah  blah  blah  but all we seem to get are little tastes of possible plot points . he ', s concerned about buddy jason gedrick ', s heroin abuse . he sticks up for jim breuer after he impregnates baldwin ', s character ', s sister . he looks into who might be pushing the most moronic - looking counterfeit cash ever made ( a genuinely funny touch ) . but none of this ever really amounts to anything . it seems that moresco ', s greater concern is to provide that intangible " slice of life "  that flavor of the neighborhood that everyone ', s been trying to evoke since scorsese ', s early work . so  we get the drunk guys  hugging and singing together at the local bar  to prove to us that they really love each other . ( do people actually do this ! ? ) we get a lot of tough street talk -- usually mumbled for effect -- and a whole lot of the f - word  whether it sounds like it fits or not . we also get a handful of good actors in small roles that seem to lack purpose . bruno kirby  chazz palminteri  you know  guys you ', ve seen in movies just like this one before . assante is intelligent casting as the man that everyone fears  and baldwin ', s performance is adequate  but most of the rest of the cast jump into the tough guy persona so thoroughly that it ', s almost funny . moresco  a theater guy and sometimes tv writer ( including the series falcone )  obviously labored over this one as anyone might a first child  but the content is probably too personal . as a result  the movie ', s style is heavy - handed  in need of a considerable amount of toning down . nearly every time an action by the grown up gang recalls something they did as kids  moresco reminds us -- boy does he remind us . with slow dissolves to the earlier scene  running in slow motion  complete with dialogue from the present  just in case we don ', t comprehend the link to the past . moresco needs to either trust his audience ', s intelligence  or have more faith in his own presentation rather than beat us over the head with it . his next project should have a little more personal distance  and a lot more subtlety . if he actually gets that chance . reviewed as part of our 2001 boston film festival coverage ( feature story coming soon ) .
neg whenever u . s . government starts meddling into other countries ', affairs  under the pretext of supporting human rights or preventing political  religious or ethnic persecution  the other side is ready to use mantra that says " look who ', s talking ! what have you done to the indians ? " however  even the americans themselves are ready to use that dark chapter of their own national history when it suits their purposes . hollywood is just another example  with its revisionist westerns  made in early 1990s . those movies tried to exploit the emerging wave of political correctness  coinciding with the 500th anniversary of columbus ', discovery of america . one of such examples is geronimo : an american legend  1993 western directed by walter hill  film that deals with one of the last conflicts between american natives and white settlers . the hero of the film is geronimo ( played by wes studi )  leader of apaches  fierce warrior tribe that used to give hard time to white settlers during the second half of 19th century . when the movie begins  in 1885  geronimo and his apaches made peace with u . s . government and try to live peacefully in arizona reservation . however  broken promises  injustice and violence against his people would make geronimo restless . with not more 30 or so of his followers  he escapes reservation and begins guerrilla campaign . general crook ( gene hackman )  commander of u . s . army forces  respects geronimo and knows that even his 5  000 force isn ', t enough to catch geronimo in the great spaces of the american southwest . instead  he turns to people who are more experienced with apaches - lt . charles gatewood ( jason patric ) and indian hunter al sieber ( robert duvall ) . together with young lt . britton davis ( matt damon ) they would begin mission aimed at capturing geronimo . geronimo : an american legend  like many movies made under the shadow of political correctness  try to tell the tale about oppressed minorities  but instead the real subject is the bad conscience of the oppressors . so  the story about geronimo is told from the perspective of his enemies . almost all of them happen to be his greatest admirers and use every opportunity to express how sorry they feel for having to fight him and his people . although such elements of john millius ', screenplay do indeed have some basis in history  they harm the story of geronimo . to be honest  walter hill does try to make geronimo the real hero of the film  but the movie segments that deal with the plight of apaches and the uprising are given too little time . instead  they turn out to be nothing more than the back story for rather uninteresting adventure story of gatewood and his band . to make even worse  hill has some real problems with pacing and style  and in the end we have impression that we are watching two films badly edited into one - story about geronimo and story about his pursuers . the movie should have been better if it turned to geronimo ', s life before and after his last uprising  in many ways more interesting than the story about gatewood . the difference between those segments could be observed through the different quality of acting . wes studi  cherokee actor who was so impressive as magua in the last of the mohicans  was perfect choice for geronimo  not only because he resembles geronimo  but because he induces a lot of passion in his role . contrary to him  we have disinterested actors who sleepwalk through the roles of his white enemies . while this could be expected from someone like jason patric  it is shame when we have veterans like gene hackman or robert duvall . even hill ', s directing is bellow expectations - battle scenes are too short and  like in many of his late films  force viewers to ask what had happened to the great action director of 1970s . even his old associate  music composer ry cooder  disappoints  with the score that shifts between indian motives and classic . on the other hand  photography by lloyd ahern ii  with the use of red lenses  gives somewhat dreamy atmosphere  ideal for this movie that was supposed to be melancholic epic . all in all  compared with some of the hollywood ', s examples of political correctness  this film isn ', t so bad  but we are left with the unpleasant impression that it could have been better .
neg aspiring broadway composer robert ( aaron williams ) secretly carries a torch for his best friend  struggling actor marc ( michael shawn lucas ) . the problem is  marc only has eyes for " perfect 10s  " which the geeky  insecure robert certainly is not . meanwhile  marc ', s spoiled ( hetero ) female roommate  cynthia ( mara hobel )  spends her days lying about their apartment and harrassing magazine editor tina brown . writer - director victor mignatti ', s " very romantic comedy " ( as the ad campaign states ) is supposed to be ( pardon the pun ) a gay ol ', romp  but it ', s hard to have much fun with these annoying  self - absorbed characters and their shallow personal problems : marc and cynthia have sitcom - level domestic " crises " ( such as trying to kill bugs -- how hilarious ) ; robert and marc go to acting class ( how riveting ) ; the zaftig cynthia goes on eating binges ( how original ) . but more than anything else  the three whine . constantly . marc whines about his turbulent romance with an apparent " 10  " david ( hugh panaro )  the hunky musician from across the way ; robert whines about not being able to find the right guy ; cynthia whines about having to find a job ( horrors ) . the terrible trio whine their way to a happy ending that is wholly undeserved . add in overly broad performances and some laughable lipsynching by panaro  and you ', re left with one astonishing piece of cinematic damage .
neg " easely one of the worst films of the year . . " with the millenium just around the corner  hollywood is playing with our insecurities concerning the biggest event of this century . this time it is arnold schwartzenegger against the powers of evil . the result is somewhat predictable . i didn ', t have high hopes about arnold ', s " much anticipated " return to the big screen . schwarzenegger fans will probably be pleased  action lovers won ', t be bored  and the catholic league will be angry . everyone else will see ', end of days ', for what it is : a deliciously bad motion picture . think of it as hollywood ', s own y2k bug . did you know that if you turn the three diabolical numbers 666 you ', ll get 999  as in 1999 ? yes  you better believe it . . satan is here on earth  working on his latest project -- the end of days . this time it is gabriel burne who gets the privilege to play lucifer and  although not al pacino  he is fun to behold . he coolly strolls through manhattan in the borrowed body of an investment banker  wreaking  as they say  havoc . the way it works is he smirks and something explodes . before the stroke of the new millennium he ', s got to find and impregnate a certain woman in order to climb out from under a heavenly curse as spelled out in the book of revelations . only schwarzenegger ', s cop attached to an anti - terrorist unit can stop him . films like this has one serious weakness -- logic . no matter how you twist the " plot "  you ', ll find it incredibly stupid ( even for a schwartzenegger movie ! ) . the incredible fact is that such directors never learn . after thousands of headless productions  this theme has become one big clich ? . here the devil looks more like a sex addicted maniac that has just got out of a mental institution . he is walking around n . y .  blowing everything up and killing everyone that gets in a 5 meter radius . all he wants is the girl  that is somehow special . but schwartzenegger is more clever than he looks  he has hidden her in a church  where satan dare not enter . so the evil one is forced to seduce the good cop in order to get the valuable information : " you can have your wife and daughter back . . i can give you happiness that you can only dream of . . just give me the address . . " indeed with a script like that  you could make a wonderful parody  but unfortunately the director is taking this subject very seriously  attempting to create a provoking an dramatic thriller . and for you who have awaited arnold swartzenegger ', s comeback  will not be very satisfied . we ', ve not seen him in a while . that ', s because he didn ', t have a worthy opponent . he has battled nuclear terrorists on earth and power mad conspirators on mars . he has taken on alien predators in the darkest reaches of the jungle and morphing cyberkillers that seemingly nothing can stop . so  after all those fights  what ', s left for arnold schwarzenegger ? how about satan ? in my opinion  he has never quite overcome his first role as the deadly robot in cameron ', s " terminator " . and that is schwartzenegger ', s strength -- muscles and no emotions . here he tries to achieve an artistic level  moving towards the oscar . this is called " an adult turn " if successful and " a flop " if unsuccessful . make a wild guess ! his character has lost his wife and daughter and has serious drinking problems . this requires at least some acting skills . regrettably  the only thing convincing about old arnold is his muscles . the rest of the cast are struggling with their so called characters . the movie is otherwise technically impressive  with a solid cinematography and fine lighting . but the movie doesn ', t serve neither as a serious thriller ( because of its stupidity ) nor as comic entertainment ( because of its serious tone ) . the only real comic relief in this film is when swartzenegger tries to cry . the action sequences are all recycled and the effects are everything but spectacular . so i really have a hard time recommending this film to somebody . unless you are a die - hard schwartzenegger fan  stay away . as for schwarzenegger  he ', ll be back .
neg these days  people have rather short attention span and hardly anything can satisfy them for the long run . 1970s nostalgia is already wearing off  and now  people are becoming more and more interested in 1980s . few years in the future  early 1990s are going to be regarded as next golden age of nostalgia . however  i doubt that people are going to be very nostalgic about the hollywood products of that period . one of the reason would surely be films like national lampoon ', s loaded weapon 1  that  in many ways  symbolise the biggest problem of contemporary american film industry - lack of originality and ideas . being made as some kind of parody on lethal weapon series  this film pairs two l . a . policemen - jack colt ( emilio estevez )  burn - out alcoholic cop on the edge  and wes luger ( samuel l . jackson )  by - the - book policeman  days away from retirement . two of them  following the murder of luger ', s ex - partner  must confront evil general mortars ( william shatner )  crime lord who is going to flood the market with cocaine stashed in wilderness girl cookies . the authors of this films ( whose director  gene quintano  worked on such projects like third and fourth sequel of police academy ) lacked any original idea before they undertook the projects  and that reflects in the lack plot  characters  and  even original lines . the plot  or what goes for the plot in this movie  is nothing more than a series of gags that make laugh of some popular films made in previous few years ( apart from lethal weapon series  this film " borrows " its female lead from basic instinct ) . the best gags  are  same as with many other similar movies  shown in the trailers . the rest simply doesn ', t work . only those who used to watch a lot of hollywood products in that period would laugh . others would probably wince at the lameness of humour . some would be entertained by celebrity cameos that pop up every once in a while . but  at the end  spending hour and half in front of this disorganised mess of a movie is simply not worth the effort . the film was sometimes criticised for being the parody of a series that already had strong comic overtones . the authors of lethal weapon returned the favour by using the loaded weapon 1 joke in their fourth sequel .
neg paul verhoeven  the dutch auteur who dragged his violent  sexually aggressive aesthetic into american film  has never been what i ', d consider a thoughtful director ( though some of his films  notably starship troopers  have been lauded as artistic achievements )  but he is the kind of hollywood film maker who ', s managed to  no matter what the budget  make his films distinctive and even sometimes smuggle stimulating themes into the lavish high concepts on which he toils . starship troopers was essentially a b - monster movie remake of his enthralling dutch war film soldier of orange ( a great film that ', s nearly impossible to find on video  yet showgirls is everywhere )  in which he cast a troop of stunningly attractive mannequins ; the square jawed casper van dien and denise richards ( who may actually be 45 % silicone )  in what feels like an american propaganda picture set to monotonous scenes of graphic carnage . it ', s not a completely successful film  but as a failure it ', s certainly an interesting ( and mostly entertaining ) one . my favorite verhoeven films were the ones he made before he hit our shores ; spetters  a dark near pornographic coming of age film set within the sub - culture of drag racing and the aforementioned soldier of orange ( haven ', t yet gotten around to seeing the 4th man or turkish delight ) . i believe his best hollywood film to be robocop  a bleak super - hero satire with a robotic hero that ', s as touching as schwarzenegger ', s in t2 . that movie was violent but not in the overdone cartoonish manner of more recent verhoeven pics . its violence seemed to be there for a purpose  namely to create an atmosphere of unpredictable dread  not to simply titillate an attention deprived audience . there ', s a jaw - dropping scene within the first ten minutes of robocop wherein the lead villain toys with a cop before snuffing him . he tortures the officer by taking glee in his victim ', s every fearful tic . it ', s a startling moment of barbaric  maddening violence that effectively sets the tone for the film that could be designated as splatter punk - noir . in hollow man kevin bacon brutally slays a dog because it just won ', t shut up  he impales a co - worker  drowns another and so on . but why ? his character is introduced as a smug genius  the kind who ', s always impeccably dressed and races a sports car while generic rock tunes blare from his stereo for the world to hear  sort of like a scheming uber villain from dallas or melrose place  though once the character becomes invisible  this film has him pull a 180 shift into a psychotic movie monster . the kind who just won ', t die . hollow man ', s protagonists are the completely bland but beautiful scientist linda ( elizabeth shue  acting as if she were rebecca of sunnybrook farm ) and her lover  a hunk of beef scientist played by josh brolin who ', s saddled with the film ', s worst lines ( " i ', ve lost cohesion again ! " ) . they ', re a typical aaron spelling couple  good - looking but as vacant as george w . bush ', s republican national convention speech ( i . e . bush referring to clinton ; " ? ? ? so much promise ? ? ? but to what end ? to what end ? " -- this actually got applause ! suddenly warren beatty doesn ', t look so absurd ) . the rest of the film ', s characters are all well past thirty  though act like annoying high school party animals insulting one and other with a series of strained one - liners ; is it just me or have labored insults become big budget hollywood ', s new character developing technique ? ahh  what a cynical time we live in ? ? ? as the picture opens we meet cain ( kevin bacon )  an egocentric scientist working with the crew of aforementioned irritating scientists on a top secret ( so top secret the government has only provided them with a dilapidated warehouse in which to perform their extensive experimentation ', s ) project with the goal to make invisibility a possibility ( for what purpose is never hinted at ) . they ', ve performed several experiments on animals and have nearly solved the quandary causing caine  in a twist worthy of the film ', s 1950 ', s late show origins  to impulsively experiment on himself . caine neglects to let the pentagon in on his plans and somehow gets two of his co - workers to lie for him so the rest of the crew will think the pentagon gave the go ahead . our mad scientist is turned invisible ( after several fx - heavy complications )  then he inexplicably ( it ', s hinted that the process of invisibility has made the animals into more savage creatures  but this is never explored  and if that was the case why the hell would anyone be stupid enough to test this out on a human ? ) begins raping  assaulting and murdering anyone he pleases  always with a lame wisecrack ready a la freddy krueger . it grows abundantly clear with each new release that it ', s verhoeven ', s films that have become hollow . like the rest  this one is cold  heartless  and full of contempt for humanity  but in addition to all that it lacks any trace of wit  insight and makes no statement other than " audiences will pay for anything these days " . it ', s an affront to anyone looking for something stimulating on an intellectual level  or even those hoping to spend a saturday night with a fun  thrill - a - minute ride . verhoeven has instead served up an utterly routine mad slasher flick with nobody to root for and no reason to care . the previews make hollow man look like an irresistible flick . how can one not have a good time at a film that utilizes state of the art fx to illustrate an invisible man getting down and dirty with his bad self ? a couple weeks ago  after seeing the trailer  a bunch of friends and i got into a long discussion of how invisible man flicks never go so far as to have the invisible individual indulging in their newfound ability . hollow man looked like the first film to do so and whoa  in a serious manner to boot . but oh yeah  it is directed by paul verhoven not atom egoyan or peter greenway . verhoeven delivers the sleazy " goods "  but not in a watchable or thrillingly disturbing manner  here it just feels icky and uncomfortable . the director keeps his camera trained at his nubile actresses  caressing their breasts with his lens all while faux - psycho music strains in the background . it ', s plainly obvious that verhoeven isn ', t exploring voyeurism ( like in the classic peeping tom ) but exploiting it and not even doing that very well . it ', s funny that with all the technology $ 90 million can get you verhoven is stuck at trying to figure out how to show a woman ', s naked breast manipulated by an invisible hand . most vexing is that the invisibility aspect is used simply as gimmick in yet another slasher movie wherein characters do stupid things just so the villain can pop up for more attacks . in fact it ', s largely irrelevant that bacon is invisible since  by the end  most of his potential victims don infer - red glasses that track his body heat . as in every mad slasher film we get the killers pov ( a scene where he spies on his neighbor while she undresses triggered unpleasant memories of slumber party massacre )  and lots of scenes where people are unknowingly stalked . the film only provides one moment that i found genuinely creepy . it happens when a lab assistant ( kim dickens  who looks like she stepped out of playboy ) in the middle of a chit chat with an invisible bacon  suddenly pauses . " are you looking at me ? "  she queries  obviously haunted . it ', s a little moment in a big film with nothing to offer but ground breaking special effects set to a plot that should have run its course by 1982 ( the apex of the mad slasher craze ) . those special effects are so stunning they alone keep this from being as bad as urban legend or i still know what you did last summer . and they ', re the only reason to check out hollow man  preferably as a mid - week bargain rental . you ', ve been warned . but you probably won ', t listen  will you ? tis ', a pity ? ? ?
neg fact that charles bronson represents one of the most important movie icons of the 1980s represents one of the biggest and almost tragic ironies of that decade . tragedy lies in the fact that the icon status was earned less by quality of his work in movies  but the quantity . most of those movies were produced by cannon group  company led by israeli producers menahem golan and yoram globus . those two men probably thought that they could be the next roger corman  b - movie mentors of future hollywood legends . unfortunately  that didn ', t happened  and when cannon finally went bankrupt at the end of the decade  behind it stood the huge pile of cinematic garbage  that would require at least few centuries before it reaches the camp appeal . sadly for bronson  that garbage also contained numerous movies in which that capable character actor and action hero of the 1970s tried to raise their worth simply by being the main lead  and lowering his own reputation in process . on the other hand  bronson could take comfort in a fact that those movies were extremely popular  especially among the audience 3 or 4 times younger than bronson himself . one of such movies that seriously marred bronson ', s reputation is death wish 3  third sequel in the series which began with death wish in 1974 . in the original movie  bronson played paul kersey  mild - mannered new york architect who turns into deadly street vigilante after his family fell victim to urban violence . that movie was far from masterpiece ; yet  in it the director michael winner was skillfully offering the cinematic remedy for very real disease of growing crime rates of the time ( on the same lines like siegel in dirty harry ) . unfortunately  six years later cannon group got rights to the character of paul kersey and began destroying it by pumping out sequels ; even the presence of its original director didn ', t stop the rapid decline of the quality . death wish 3 begins when kersey comes to visit an old friend  living in the urban wasteland of east new york  populated by young criminals and people too old or too poor to move out . before the reunion  kersey ', s friend falls victim to the street gang led by evil fraker ( played by gavan o ', herlihy  probably the only noteworthy role in the film ) . kersey decides to avenge his death and slowly prepares for his crusade  while the police inspector shriker ( ed lauter )  ants to use him as a secret weapon in his losing war against the urban crime . bronson  the main asset in this movie  plays the character who is nothing more than an efficient killing machine . although bronson ', s charisma does help in overcoming some implausibilities ( single man in his 60s and armed with a single pistol manages to wipe out dozens of opponents with superior firepower )  the lack of emotions or bronson ', s own commitment could be seen in a very few lines spoken in a film . the movie authors were somewhat aware of that emotional shallowness  so they added romantic interest for their hero - public defender played by deborah raffin and conveniently terminated in order to give some more motives for kersey ', s crusade . on the other hand  emotions are much better played by confronting law - abiding  yet ethnically stereotyped citizens with their daily nemesis of street punks - ruthless enough to exercise their reign of terror on the entire city blocks  and stupid enough to be killed in droves by kersey . unfortunately  michael winner doesn ', t know how to work out the plot  and after torturing the viewers with mostly uninteresting characters and cliched and formulaic situations  ends this movie with a bang . the big showdown at the end - that turns east new york into the sarajevo - like battle zone - is probably the worst part of the movie  because of the poor editing and the cheap sets and props that give away the low budget . in short  this movie could be recommended only to the most fanatical charles bronson fans or for the people who are already desperate for 1980s nostalgia . ( special note for trekkies : marina sirtis  the actress who played counsellor deanna troi in star trek : the next generation could be spotted in a small role of portorican wife ) .
neg overblown remake of the 1963 robert wise film of the same name ( based on shirley jackson ', s novel " the haunting of hill house " ) stars lili taylor as one of three " lab rats " that participate in a supposed " insomnia " study being initiated by liam neeson . he is actually conducting a study on the causes of fear and why the human mind is still affected by it . he drags the test subjects out to a foreboding mansion where all types of " creepy " cgi effects scare the cast and try the audience ', s patience . i know this question has been posed before  but why do people keep remaking good movies ? the original was a great psychological horror film . this new version is dull and very decidedly not scary . in fact  i feel it is downright impossible to make a modern day pg - 13 horror movie that is scary . unless you find obvious computer generated special effects frightening  then there ', s nothing in this film that will raise hackles . i nearly fell asleep twice during the film  and probably would have if they guy two rows behind me didn ', t seem to have such a personal relationship with the characters that he felt he needed to discuss every decision they made with them as the film progressed . it ', s sad to see such an amazing cast wasted so badly . owen wilson spends most of the film wandering the halls of the house  and the script does no justice to his wonderful comic ability . catherine zeta - jones ( always nice to look at ) is given the woefully underwritten role of a bi - sexual insomniac that gets to run out of her bedroom perplexed every time some strange noise occurs . liam neeson pops in from time to time to talk into his tape recorder and attempt to convince the others that he has as much knowledge about what ', s going on as the rest of them do . finally  poor lili taylor  the center of the film  gets the brunt of the cgi effects thrown at her while everyone else gets to scream and try to rescue her . apparently  a subplot involving a tryst between zeta - jones and taylor ', s characters was filmed but removed . that ', s too bad  because it might have lent some better characterization to the narrative . this is jan de bont ', s second straight misfire ( speed 2 : cruise control being the first ) . when is he going to learn that bigger is not always necessarily better ? robert wise knew that when he made the original and the makes of the blair witch project also knew that . one should not approach a haunted house movie with a twister mindset . if de bont and screenwriter david self had let our minds fill in the blanks as to what was happening instead of showing us everything  it would have served to make the film terrifying . what our mind fashions on it ', s own can be a thousand times more frightening than having having it completely led towards everything . apparently  yet another version of this story is being filmed under it ', s original title . i certainly hope that this newer rendition will not be hurt by the insanity of jan de bont ', s version and that it will retain the psychological impact that the original release had . [ pg - 13 ]
neg " tarzan and the lost city " is one of the most anemic movies to come out in quite a while . not only it is poorly written  badly acted  and generally incompetent in all cinematic areas  it is thoroughly uninspired and insipid . unfortunately  it ', s not bad in the way great  colossal misfires like " heaven ', s gate " ( 1980 ) or " ishtar " ( 1987 ) were bad . instead  it literally drips off the screen like a movie nobody wanted to be associated with  which begs the question of why it was made in the first place . with all the good scripts lying around hollywood un - produced  how does needless drek like this make its way to the big screen ? of course  tarzan is one of the most filmed characters in all of motion picture history - he has appeared in over forty films  which have ranged from the very good ( 1984 ', s " greystoke : the legend of tarzan  lord of the apes " ) down to the really bad ( 1981 ', s " tarzan  the ape man " with bo derek ) . most of these films were just cheapie b - movies made in the thirties and forties  starring ex - olympic athletes and a lot of cutsie chimps . therefore  if another tarzan movie is to be made  one might assume that it would have something new to offer - a different angle  an original storyline  anything to set it apart from all the others . " greystoke " added a never - before - seen level of realism to the pulpy tale  and even " tarzan  the ape man " at least had the mis - guided audacity to sexualize the story as a vehicle for bo derek ', s bare breasts . " tarzan and the lost city  " on the other hand  has absolutely nothing to offer but a bunch of recycled storylines and bad dialogue . the script  by bayard johnson and j . anderson black is about as formulaic and generic as they come . comic books have better plots than this . the movie is so bad  in fact  that it retains that ridiculous tarzan call that was so tirelessly mocked in last summer ', s comedy " george of the jungle . " didn ', t the producers think to leave that back in the old weissmuller pictures where it belongs ? the story starts with the legend of tarzan already firmly established : a quick opening narration tells of tarzan ( casper van dien ) being found in the jungle after having been raised by apes  and his return to england where he assumes his greystoke heritage . when the movie starts in 1913  he is a civilized english gentleman ( without an english accent )  and he is to marry jane ( jane march ) in less than a week . however  when a wicked archeologist / grave - robber named nigel ravens ( steve waddington ) begins hunting for the fabled lost city of opar  one of africa ', s last great secrets  the witch doctor of an ancient african tribe summons tarzan back to the jungle . at first  jane refuses to go  pouting about how it will interfere with their wedding ; but after tarzan leaves she changes her mind and tracks him down  therefore assuring lots of lame smooch scenes between her and her ape - man . once the film gets going ( in its own sluggish way )  it delves into a series of jungle adventures  as tarzan  jane  and the natives attempt the thwart ravens and his crew from discovering the city . most of the so - called adventures are cheesy  predictable  and unexciting  with no pace  tension  or action to speak of . there are sequences stolen from innumerable recent adventure movies  ranging from " raiders of the lost ark " ( 1981 ) to " the goonies " ( 1985 ) . when the movie is running short on action  it includes a few greenpeace - friendly scenes of tarzan freeing caged animals  releasing a baby elephant from a trap  and throwing ivory tusks into the river . the movie is also lacking even a remote hint of reality . for instance  when tarzan - who was raised in the jungle - is bit by a cobra  he doesn ', t even attempt to suck the venom out like any semi - experienced weekend backpacker would do . instead  he ties a tourniquet around his arm and stumbles off into the jungle with no plan for survival . of course  one can ', t help but notice how fundamentally misleading the title is . not to ruin the ending or anything  but there is no lost city . there is  however  a lost pyramid  which i suppose is all the resource - strapped fx department could come up with ( the special effects are not worthy of a made - for - tv movie ) . which also brings up the question of why the treasure hunters had to slog through numerous underground caverns to get to the lost pyramid  when it ', s sitting right out in the middle of an open field ? strictly speaking  " tarzan and the lost city " isn ', t even bad enough to have camp quality  although casper van dien ', s laughably stiff performance comes real close . this movie proves what " starship troopers " only hinted at : he cannot act  but he sure looks well - groomed  even in the deepest heart of the african jungle . van dien is much too much of a pretty - boy to be an effective tarzan ; he ', s a calvin klein model in a loin cloth . i also wondered what the make - up department was thinking when it outfitted him with that awful circa - 1983 steve perry haircut . waddington makes a decent villain  although he ', s like a charmless version of belloq from " raiders of the lost ark . " as jane  the ex - model jane march has little to do but smile and look pretty next to tarzan . she does fire off a gun at the evil treasure hunters a time or two  but whenever a snake comes into the picture  she is reduced to a hysterical mess . however  amidst all this complaining  i do have one piece of good news . " tarzan and the lost city " is so lacking in ideas both new and old  that it is unable to fill even an hour and a half of celluloid . so  we can say this much for it : at least it had the decency to be short .
neg everything in the phantom you have seen many times before and there is nothing new presented here . wincer displays absolutely no skill in setting up an exciting action sequence . billy zane is wooden as the hero . kristy swanson is given very little to do  and does very little with it . treat williams  looking like rhett butler but sounding like mickey mouse  is one of the worst villains i have ever seen in a movie . only catherine zeta jones  as one of williams cohorts turns in a good performance . she has energy and spunk  which the movie needed much more of . oh yeah  the phantom also has a secret identity but this is so poorly played out you won ', t even care . about the only things i can recommend are a good performance by jones  and some colorful scenery . however  if youre looking for a fun family movie  go watch the underrated flipper . this is not a good movie .
neg a life less ordinary ( r ) while the extremely peculiar a life less ordinary does live up to its title  a more appropriate moniker would be a movie more misguided  for this confused  confusing attempt at romantic comedy is a most disarming disaster from the talented trainspotting team of director danny boyle  producer andrew macdonald  and screenwriter john hodge . at the core of this strange film is a fairly basic -- and  yes  ordinary -- premise . after robert ( boyle regular ewan mcgregor )  an aspiring writer of trashy novels  is fired from his janitorial job at the naville corporation  he kidnaps naville ', s ( ian holm ) spoiled daughter celine ( cameron diaz ) and holds her for ransom . the joke here is that celine is a willing victim -- her father threatened to cut her off financially  so she wants revenge -- and that she soon becomes not only an accomplice but the brains behind the scheme  teaching the inept robert a thing or two about kidnapping . . . and  ultimately ( didn ', t we see this one coming ? )  love . so far  so mediocre . but mediocre is better than dreadful  which this film is  thanks in no small part to the hodge ', s contextual frame for the romance . it turns out that god is displeased with the divorce and romantic breakup rate on earth  so the chief of heaven ', s police  gabriel ( dan hedaya ) dispatches two angels  o ', reilly ( holly hunter ) and jackson ( delroy lindo )  to earth to hook up celine and robert -- or lose their angel status . this conceit might have worked if the angel dimension played an integral role in the entire picture . but it could have easily been cut without any clear loss to the film ; as it stands  it is simply a waste of time that distracts from the romance at hand . not that there is much of a romance to begin with . try as diaz and mcgregor may  celine and robert are too one - note to become very endearing characters . celine is rich bitch ; robert is a dullard . as such  it is quite hard for the audience to really connect with these two -- then again  they never seem to really connect with each other . when celine and robert start to overtly act on their " feelings  " it comes off more like something scripted than anything natural . but i am not exactly sure if boyle and company ', s point was romance ; honestly  i am not exactly sure what they were trying to accomplish . boyle juices up the visuals with his characteristic razzmatazz  but it remains just that -- energy  not energy in service of a story or even acting . the cast seems lost  especially hunter  whose performance is so adrift as to be baffling . and then there are the many eccentricities splattered onto the film : some violent confrontations involving the angels  who are not exactly angelic -- in fact  they end up staging their own ransom scheme ; some mystical hokum in the climax ; and a cutesy claymation epilogue . watching much of a life less ordinary is like being trapped in indie hipster hell  stockpiling quirks in the name of cool . instead  the film just gives quirky a bad name . my best guess as to what the filmmakers wanted to accomplish is an atmosphere of warped womantic ( yes  misspelling intended ) whimsy  which comes through in only one scene : an extended musical number where celine and robert sing " beyond the sea " at a karaoke bar . after a verse or two  the couple are magically dolled up in snazzy outfits and hairdos  and engage in a spirited dance routine on the counter . the scene works not only because of its relative simplicity but also because it does not try too hard  just relying on the innate charm of the leads  allowing them to build a romantic rapport . alas  not nearly enough is built  for this moment comes to an abrupt end . i applaud any attempt to bring something fresh and unique to movie houses  but sometimes even cleverness can reach overkill . a life less ordinary certainly delivers something " different  " but by the time the film was over  i was clamoring for a life more ordinary . " i can accept failure . everyone fails at something . but i can ', t accept not trying . it doesn ', t matter if you win as long as you give everything in your heart . " -- michael jordan
neg how could a g - rated disney film based on meg cabot ', s novel " the princess diaries " be anything but cute  harmless fun ? easy . take all the cute  harmless fun out of it . and while you ', re at it make it borrr - ring . that ', s what director garry marshall  screenwriter gina wendkos and  not to be outdone  producer whitney houston have done with the g - rated disney film " the princess diaries . " you couldn ', t tell it from the audience though  a braintree  mass . of growing  glowing pre - pubescent girls ( and the odd parental  popcorn perched about their persons )  who positively cheered when the end credits rolled ( ah the film had struck a lovely nerve with them but not with fuddy - duddy old me ) . well  i might have cheered that the utter tripe was now well and truly over  but that would have been too obvious . too obvious is the least of the problems with marshall ', s film ( garry made a couple of other " princess " movies -- " pretty woman " and " runaway bride " -- but this one ', s way without julia roberts so maybe * that ', s * its problem ) . in addition to being predictable as molasses  " the princess diaries " has hardly got a laugh in it ( it ', s a comedy )  could bore the pants off an abyssinian for long  long stretches  and is so sloppily edited the principals refer to scenes we haven ', t even seen yet ( and probably never will except  perhaps  in the dvd edition ) . marshall should take virtually all of the blame here  since he ', s been at this for some time and should know when a scene or two isn ', t working . . . and hardly * any * of " the princess diaries " works ( " works  " alas  implies cleverness and there ', s none of that here either ) . newcomer anne hathaway stars as mia thermopolis  a bright but socially invisible san franciscan teen who learns that her single mom ( a wacky artist played by the likable caroline goodall ) had a bit of a fling with some royal member of some miniscule european country nobody ever heard of ( the filmmakers go out of their way * not * to call it serbia  which is pretty much what all miniscule european countries are called in the movies mark my words ) and now she  mia  is next in line to rule " genovia " ( hence the headphones / tiara combo in the print ads ) . julie andrews  with the luminous factor cranked to 11  plays mia ', s grandmother ( aka queen clarisse renaldi )  who shows up out of the royal blue and lends mia much advice and direction in the eating  talking  and looking like a princess department ( although mia ', s big makeover simply transforms her from ugly duckling to ugly swan ) . does queen julie lose her dignity for the sake of a good laugh ? not really . consuming a corn dog is about the worst that it gets . also on stereotypical hand are a brainless jock  an evil cheerleader  a dorky - looking best friend ( " welcome to the dollhouse " ', s heather matarazzo )  a sensitive auto mechanic / musician  and marshall mainstay hector elizondo as joe the driver  imparting wit and wisdom from the front seat of mia ', s chauffeur - driven limousine at every intersection . a non - animated g - rated movie is a rarity these days but the rating here reflects the fact that all the guts  all the good stuff  has been exorcised from the finished product . lame  labored  and lamentable  " the princess diaries " is recommended for eight - and - a - half year olds of the feminine persuasion * only * ; all others would do well to avoid it ( like potholes  the plague  and " the perfect storm " ) .
neg the corruptor is a big silly mess of an action movie  complete with pointless plot turns and gratuitous violence . it ', s not abhorrent  or even blatantly unlikable  but it doesn ', t make a shred of sense . and whose idea was it to have the director of glengarry glen ross direct an action film ? james foley knows a lot about characters and acting  and those are the strengths of the corruptor . but the quiet scenes clash with the ludicrous action nonsense  and the result is less like a movie and more like a derailed train . at least we have chow yun - fat in the lead role . chow plays nick chen  a chinatown cop . he ', s a good cop  as the first few scenes establish  and he ', s very familiar with chinatown . that ', s probably why the powers - that - be decide to team him up with a rookie named danny wallace ( mark wahlberg ) . nick and danny begin by stepping on each other ', s toes  but finally end up liking each other once they both get a chance to save the other one ', s life . what happens after that is kind of a mystery to me . i ', m fairly certain that the villains are all part of the fukienese dragons  led by a young chinese psycho named bobby vu ( byron mann ) . i ', m also pretty sure that nick is on the payroll of henry lee ( ric young )  a gangster dealing in prostitutes and other neat stuff . i ', m not quite sure why henry lee decides to employ danny  although this makes for some ridiculous ( albeit unpredictable ) plot twists along the way . there ', s also an interesting subplot revolving around danny ', s father ( brian cox )  but it doesn ', t have much to do with the main story . one of the problems  as i said  is that the movie doesn ', t make any sense . i don ', t blame this entirely on foley  because he ', s obviously a good director . i ', m more inclined to point my finger at robert pucci ', s script  which doesn ', t seem to be in tune to the way normal people act . one scene early on had me particularly annoyed : nick confronts his boss because he ', s angry about his new white partner . he ', s shouting and pointing his finger and stepping on the furniture  and i was thinking that i would have fired him if he had done that to me . ( in addition  the film takes a bite into race - related issues  and never develops them at all . ) there are a lot of scenes like this one  and none of them are very coherent . there ', s also a considerable language barrier  given that chow and some of the other actors have thick chinese accents . the plot itself never straightens out . i ', m not sure who or what the fukienese dragons are  or why henry lee is associated with them  or what they do as a group . the corruptor is an action movie  and so all these weird plot developments are decorated with loud and violent action sequences . the sequences aren ', t bad  but they ', re not new ; how many car chases through chinatown have you seen ? on that note  how many chinatown cop movies have you seen ? one too many  i ', d imagine . foley ', s strength is clearly in characterization  and he does a pretty good job here . the scenes between nick and danny are very good  and i actually got a feel for their characters ; a bond forms between them that holds parts of the film together . chow and wahlberg are both good actors ; chow is a pro  and can do this kind of stuff in his sleep . wahlberg seems less at home in this atmosphere  but he ', s still fun to watch . i also liked the subplot involving danny ', s father ; brian cox ', s performance is powerful  and his character makes a compelling moral compass for danny . but the film ultimately fails  mostly at the hands of insane incoherence and overly - familiar action scenes . a complicated plot can be successful  but the story needs to make sense when it ', s over . the corruptor never manages to make any sense -- it just keeps spinning out of control until  finally  there ', s nothing left to hold on to .
neg " return to horror high  " wants to be a couple different types of movies at once . the film tells the story of a low - budget horror movie being filmed at the closed - down crippen high  a school where a group of serial murders took place five years before . but what the cast and crew don ', t know is that a real killer  maybe the same one that was never apprehended  is going into action again . on one level  " return to horror high " is a slasher movie  and it is at this level that it works the best on . watching the film  which was made in 1987  i couldn ', t help but take notice that the killer ', s costume was almost identital to that of the ghostface in  " scream  " and " scream 2 . " on another level  the film wants to be a slapstick comedy  and there are many hints of this throughout . unfortunately  most of these jokes fall flat . and the last thing the film wants to be is a " behind - the - scenes " look at an exploitation film being made . the only problem is that  while much of it is supposed to be from the movie itself being made  no cameras are shown filming it  thus making it far more confusing than it had to be . and to top it all off  the " twist " ending makes very little to no sense whatsoever  and so we are basically left with feeling as if we wasted our time . there are story developments that are beyond ludicrous  and plot holes you could drive a winnebago through . if you see the film  or have seen it  you ', ll know what i mean . the premise of " return to horror high  " is admittedly pretty crafty  and i liked the atmosphere of the school  which is where the whole thing takes place . but director froehlich  judging from this movie  is an incompetent director  except for being able to film the seldom suspeneful scene . well  come to think of it  there is only one scene that is actually scary  and it has to do with two actors being locked in a room as the killer tries to break in . but other than that two - minute distraction  " return to horror high  " is certainly no great shake . note : look for george clooney in a supporting role as one of the actors on the film . and strangely enough  he is the first character to get the ax . . . literally .
neg the art of woo attempts to be one of those films like breakfast at tiffany ', s in which the audience is rooting for some sweet  vulnerable  irresistible woman to work out her problems and to find happiness . the problem is that helen lee who writes and directs seems to have written alessa woo ( played by sook - yin lee ) as neither sweet nor vulnerable and she is quite resistible . alessa is a young woman who happens to be a brilliant art dealer in the toronto art scene . this is some sort of alternate world art scene where people pay tens of thousands of dollars for paintings by talented beginners and dealers in these paintings fly back and forth to places like switzerland . one of the most knowledgeable of the art dealers is alessa . she also happens to be the center of adulation of her friends and every party has suitors camped outside her window . next door to alessa moves struggling genius artist and native american ben crowchild ( adam beach ) . he sees that behind the facade that there is really a sad little girl within alessa who really will not be happy with the rich art collector she is dating . ben gets emotionally involved with alessa . ( as alessa so delicately puts it  " we were bosom buddies  now we ', re fuck buddies . " ) but alessa will have to decide whether she wants love with ben or wealth with her rich suitor . the real problem with the film seems to be helen lee ', s inability to decide what she wants to be saying . she undercuts nearly everything she wants us to believe about alessa . alessa is looking for financial security but she makes decisions about large sums of money for her clients . this appears to be a high profile and well - paid job . we are supposed to care about alessa ', s feelings  but she coldly refuses to visit her own ailing father . alessa cannot be portrayed as sweet and vulnerable if at an art auction she turns into our man flint . this is a charmless romantic comedy that bets everything it has on the appeal of its main character and comes up double - zero . i rate it a 3 on the 0 to 10 scale and a - 1 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
neg capsule : a science fiction allegory . at the millennium a lethal contagious virus has hit taiwan . officials have cut off water and other services to the center of contagion . life there devolves and degenerates . a man in an apartment has a hole in his floor and with it harasses his downstairs neighbor . a slow but harrowing film to be missed if possible .  low - 1 ( - 4 to + 4 ) - the taiwan virus is ravaging taiwan and the part of the city that is the center of the contagion has been evacuated of anyone who will go . one apartment building still houses people . a woman  formerly an office worker  ( yang kuei - mei ) is tormented by her upstairs neighbor ( lee kang - sheng ) who has a hole cut by a plumber in the floor and is using it as a drain . neighbor runs a small failing grocery store . - to make things more depressing  it is constantly raining hard . - upstairs neighbor vomits through  pours water  etc . a small and almost entirely one - sided war starts . allegory about callousness and selfishness . - woman is living on a pile of rolls of toilet tissue . - incongruous songs added to show downstairs neighbors dreams . these are the songs of popular taiwanese singer grace chang . - apartment is falling apart . wallpaper is separating from walls . plumbing is failing . - boredom shown by long cuts in which nothing happens . a lot of film seems to be used up . - this story might have been done much better as a ten - minute animated film . - stars are considered to be great dramatic actors by one reviewer . - this film seems longer at 95 minutes most two - hour films .
neg seen december 2  1997 at 6 : 50 p . m . at the glenwood movieplex cinemas ( oneida  ny )  theater # 3  by myself for free ( free pass ) . [ theater rating : * * * : good seats  sound  and picture ] there are many philosophies as to why we are so fascinated with cartoons . they provide a method of total escapism in which anything will work within their context  from the outrageous slapstick of looney tunes to the intensity of japanimation . watching " flubber " really clinched this idea for me  because it ', s just a live action cartoon that presents itself as a regular comedy . it proves how painfully unfunny all those gags and slapstick would be in reality  and how important it is to actually have a story . the film wastes no time in establishing its lighthearted  cartoony atmosphere . we meet medfield college chemistry professor phillip brainard ( williams )  the typical  supposedly likable mad scientist . within the first 10 minutes we get at least a half dozen jokes about how forgetful he is . phillip ', s memory loss seems less like a cartoony gag and more like a real case of alzhiemer ', s disease - isn ', t this rather lowbrow comedy ? he starts teaching chemistry after walking in on a nude figure drawing class ( an inappropriate joke for a kids ', movie if i ever saw one ) . we learn he has stood his up fiancee  sara ( harden )  twice at the altar simply because he ', s forgotten . sara claims to love him  but says if he forgets the wedding again she ', ll stop loving him ( a sign of childish attitude the film denies it has ) . but even cartoons must have conflicts to resolve  and it ', s no surprise the major conflicts here are related . christopher mcdonald does and even worse version of his usual villain shtick as wilson croft  a scientist who not only wants to steal phillip ', s ideas  but his woman too . what ', s worse is that sara actually seems interested in him ! wilson works for a rival college that wants to buy out medfield  which is going broke  unless phillip can invent something to save the day . one of the first rules of filmmaking is to make sure the title has something to do with the film . the flubber is played for gags after it is introduced  but is all but forgotten about thereafter . it ', s obvious phillip is going to accidentally invent flubber  a flying rubber compound that yields tremendous energy  and the promotions make the flubber look realistic and funny . unfortunately  the flubber  like all the special effects in this film  looks very fake and unconvincing . flubber also seems to have intelligence and a personality  and by the time it performs a song and dance routine  you give up wondering how life could spontaneously come to an inanimate object . most of the film wanders aimlessly as it relies on the flubber to make for the comedy ( since phillip ', s absent - mindedness is forgotten about ) and somehow push the story along . but it ', s clear how weak this premise is from the get - go and the film just gets worse . all the jokes involve people getting hit by fast - moving  flubber - powered objects including : bowling balls ; flying cars that don ', t fly well ; and a basketball team capable of jumping 100 feet into the air . it ', s all presented with complete logic  and no one believes flubber exists even when they see it with their own eyes . during the basketball scene  the coach for the rival team actually says  " i think they might be cheating  " to which the referee replies  " there ', s no rules about jumping too high . " " predictable " doesn ', t begin to describe the motions the film goes through  especially after the halfway point . and it ', s not how terribly contrived the plot is  it ', s the way it ', s broken down scene - by - scene  with absolutely no transition . not only that  but all the actors here  especially williams  seem bored to tears . i ', d say 80 percent of all the scenes were shot with a bluescreen  so it ', s almost forgivable when you realize they ', re talking to nothing and interacting with nothing . it ', s safe to say everything that could be bad about " flubber " is . the only original element the film has is the world ', s first romance between a machine and a human . but this aspect is quite twisted if you think about it  and  like the rest of the film  you won ', t .
neg plot : a down - and - out girl moves in with some over - the - top models and falls in love with a goofy - but - loveable guy from across the street . aaaaaaaaah ! then one day  she sees him knock a woman upside the head with a baseball bat . ooooooooh ! she must then join together with her model - friends to find out whether or not this guy is really goofy - but - loveable  or a psycho killer . aaaaaaaaah ! critique : completely idiotic . okay  so maybe i ', m being a little too nice . this movie starts off dumb  moves into the ridiculous and eventually graduates to idiocy . there . . . that ', s more like it ! and how  you may ask ? well  it ', s simple really . four of the dumbest stereotypical models in the world ( oh my god  i just found out that the actresses playing the parts are models in real life . . . yipes ! ) join monica potter ( in a role which can only be described as an obvious cry for help ) and freddie prinze jr . ( not the actor  but the character better known as freddie prinze jr . )  in a plot so stupid and far - fetched  that you have to wonder once more  how crap like this gets by the hollywood bigwigs . this thing stinks to high - heaven . it ', s just plain embarrassing for everyone involved . i even felt my iq dip below its usual low as toilet humor somehow worked its way into this so - called romantic - comedy - action movie ? ugh . what a pile of dung . hey  i ', m actually starting to sound a little like harry knowles here  but i guess i could see where his frustration comes from time to time . it ', s sad really . a movie which actually had quite a few people in my audience laughing at its idiocy  including the over - used " folks hiding in the bathroom while someone else comes in to take a crap and fart " gag . and how about that dumb blonde model who keeps running into things . pure hilarity ! or maybe i ', m just too jaded  too much of a critic  not relaxed enough to enjoy this fluff - piece . . . uuuhhmmm . . . naaaaah ! ! this movie sucks the big one . it ', s chockfull of stupid characters delivering inane dialogue fitting snuggly into a preposterous plot . this is the kind of movie that has one character inserting another character into a car headfirst to the floor only because . . . well  it ', s supposed to be funny  see ? you see  that person then has their legs swinging in the other person ', s face as they drive and that distracts the driver  see  and well  that ', s kinda funny  no ? harumph . . . yeah  well . . . you get the picture ! anyhoo  freddie prinze jr . . . . nuff said . monica potter  a bad career move  but we might forgive you if you keep up the julia roberts bit . the rest of the model girls . . . well  thanks for being there so i had something to look at  but please apologize to the entire modeling community as a whole  for making them all out to be complete imbeciles ! ! so why the three points out of ten  you may ask ? well  it ', s simple really . one point goes to the russian model girl and that cool accent ( don ', t ask me why  but it actually turned me on ) . one point goes out to all of the model girls for being in the movie ( nice window decoration . . . natch ! ) . and one last point goes out to the makers of this film  who spared us any long sorted story  and made sure to give us the opportunity of leaving the theatre after only 90 minutes of manufactured garbage  so that we could run out as fast as we can  grab the next person that we see walking down the street and warn them of the devil that is . . . freddie prinze jr . . . i mean  head over heels . you ', ve been warned  good people . ps : didja notice how i didn ', t even mention rear window once in my entire review ? i didn ', t want to taint the memory of the classic flick by having it uttered alongside this thing  but then again  i just did mention it  but i guess it doesn ', t count in the ps section . . . or does it ? ooooh  whatever . . . i have a headache ! ( i think my brain is coming back to life ) where ', s joblo coming from ? 10 things i hate about you ( 7 / 10 ) - coyote ugly ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) - down to you ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) - save the last dance ( 7 / 10 ) - she ', s all that ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) - the wedding planner ( 4 / 10 ) - you ', ve got mail ( 5 . 5 / 10 )
neg for those interested in the true spirit of moviemaking - or what ', s left of it in mainstream hollywood - movie which are star vehicles are terrible things . as a rule  the ignore general principles of cinema because they are not made to advance the media but rather to advance the career of a particular actor . an actor might be chosen on the up - and - up  to give him exposure ; or he might be chosen on the way down to hand him a paycheck . generally  though  the actor doesn ', t matter  and soldier  the latest from the beleaguered warner brothers  exemplifies this : the picture lacks pizazz . the star for the vehicle in this case is kurt russell  otherwise known as the man of thirty words or less . russell plays todd  a human trained from birth in the ways of waging war and becoming emotionally distanced from the carnage he has wrought . the movie lets us see this degenerate process  but by the time the real plot starts  we ', re into todd ', s later years . he ', s about to be replaced by a new breed of soldiers  ones who  instead of being trained * from * birth  are genetically selected * before * birth . the pride of this class - caine 607 ( jason scott lee ) - will be our villain  and you know he ', s the villain because he has a staring contest with our hero near the movie ', s start . between the two leads  less than a full typed page of dialogue is spoken  and it ', s possible to imagine a script which is ninety percent stage direction . director paul anderson  who helmed last year ', s icy thriller  event horizon  doesn ', t show any inventiveness here and instead is content to let the actions play out on screen ad nauseam . todd  upon being replaced  is left to die on a garbage planet ; but in order to stretch the running time out  the villains return to the garbage planet on a " routine patrol " and set the stage for the final firefight . events are predictable from the time that the setups are made  and neither anderson nor scriptwriter david peoples attempts to show any creativeness here . the most annoying plot facet is the reason that the whole of the movie comes to be : todd fails to show physical superiority against caine - in fact  not even todd and two of his companions can best the baddie - but near the end of the movie he shows remarkable prowess with automatic weaponry . it ', s not as though todd undergoes any significant character changes throughout the plot of the story  and so the plot has a very canned feeling about it . the best route through this disaster is to take it lighthearted in spirit  and treat it as a parody of typical action fare  like universal soldier . a strict interpretation  however  reveals an unmistakeable and unforgiveable lack of style  class  or substance ; and by next year  a large percentage of the people who have seen this will have taped it off of network television .
neg director doug ellin ', s kissing a fool  released earlier this year  is an aptly titled comedy about two plastic couples housed in an artificial story . like a sitcom with jokes so lame that it would be impossible to overlay a laugh track on it  the movie meanders along insulting the viewers ', intelligence in almost every frame . the script by james frey and the director is filled with vapid actors who read meaningless lines you ', ve heard before . ( " i ', m not wearing any underwear  " the bimbo tells the famous sportscaster  max  in what she assumes will be a sure - fire come - on line . ) max  chicago ', s biggest playboy  decides to get married after a whirlwind love affair with sam  short for samantha . max and sam possess two irritating personalities  and they hold little chemistry for each other or the audience . max is played without any style by david schwimmer . schwimmer  whose acting talent is playing characters devoid of personality  makes an unlikely lover . his costar  mili avital as sam  is cut from the same cloth  so they can be argued to be a matched pair . after all  people of the same intelligence are naturally drawn to each other  ditto for similar looks  so why shouldn ', t the personality - challenged be attracted ? the implausible plot has max asking his best friend  jay ( jason lee )  to hit on sam as a test . jay is supposed to try to get her to sleep with him  but stop short of the actual act . max  being promiscuous by nature  worries that his future bride may have the same need to sleep around as he does . the idea of flirting with the beautiful sam makes jay so sick that he becomes unable to eat or work . neither the script nor the actors make this test believable . " the 64  000 question is : how do you know you ', re with the wrong person so you can avoid wreaking havoc on major parts of your life ? " jay asks in one of the unsuccessful attempts at adding some seriousness to the film . finally  there is the film ', s attempt at physical comedy . jay ', s ex - girlfriend natasha ( vanessa angel ) becomes infatuated with jay again once she thinks he is going out with someone else . natasha rips jay ', s shirt open after pushing him down onto the sofa . as she throws her hair on his bare chest  she demands he pull it . this is supposed to be funny ? most films have some saving grace . some bit part was done especially well or some scene managed to be funny even if the rest of the picture wasn ', t . kissing a fool  on the other hand  has nothing to recommend it . kissing a fool runs 1 : 45 . it is rated r for profanity and sexuality and would be acceptable for most teenagers .
neg i am continually amazed at movies like this . that some producer would waste an abundance of talent and money on a script as abysmal as this one is mind - boggeling  but it seems to happen a lot nowadays . " wild wild west " is a beautifully filmed  well acted  and well directed piece of garbage ; and its insipid screenplay is completely at fault . in short  this movie is a comedy without laughs . so many jokes fall flat that it borderlines surreal . the high production values keep it from being a total fiasco  but it ', s still pretty boring . will smith stars as jim west  an old western  r & b variation of the james bond character . west is teamed up with artemus gordon ( kevin kline )  and they ', re pretty much polar oppisites : west prefers to solve his problems with an array of bullets  gordon traditionally favors a more pacifistic approach . talk about deeply developed characters . at any rate  this leads to the inevitable conflicts between methodologies  none of which are funny . the year is 1869 . several top scientists have been abducted  and the suspected culprit is a disgruntled former confederate general  bloodbath mcgrath ( ted levine ) . president grant sends west and gordon to investigate . there ', s evidence that mcgrath is attending some sort of confederate reunion in louisiana . west and gordon show up and learn that mcgrath is actually working for dr . arliss loveless ( kenneth branagh )  another disgruntled former confederate . as it turns out  loveless plans to use the combined knowledge of the scientests to create the ultimate super weapon  which he will use to conquer the united states . i ', d go further with the plot  but there isn ', t any point . this film ', s narrative is little more than a jumbled  unfunny mess . i only laughed at a couple of jokes  and then only lightly . there isn ', t one truly uprorously funny moment in this film  and that ', s pretty disasterous when you consider that it ', s primarily a comedy . as i said  the fault is totally that of the script . when you consider their respective roles  will smith and kevil kline do as good as they could have possibly done . the leads could ', ve been played samuel l . jackson and robert de niro and the film still would ', ve been awful . no one  and i mean no one  can make a line like " bye bye  mr . knife guy ! " sound good . still  this film has a lot going for it visually . the set design is fantastic  maybe even oscar worthy . the cinematogrophy by michael ballhaus ( who was also behind camera in martin scorsese ', s brilliant " goodfellas " )  is absolutely stunning . he lends the film a much needed exciting  comic bookish look . i won ', t fault barry sonnenfeld either . he does a fine job of directing the proceedings  but  like the rest of the people involved with the film  there really isn ', t anything that he can do to correct its one major flaw . despite being beautifully made  " wild wild west " becomes quite boring after the half - way point . the appeal of the visuals ends long before the film does . if " wild wild west " didn ', t look so good  it would be almost insufferable . as it is  it ', s somewhat tolerable  but not very entertaining . it hurts to give such a well made movie a score this low  but there isn ', t anything much worse than an unfunny comedy .
neg this talky  terribly - plotted thriller stars alec baldwin as dave robicheaux  an ex - new orleans cop who gets ensnared in a murder - mystery after a light - plane crashes into the bayou beside his fishing boat . he and his wife annie ( kelly lynch ) rescue a little salvadorian girl ( samantha lagpacan ) from the wreckage and that ', s when the trouble begins . the other major players include a local drug lord ( eric roberts )  his scheming wife ( teri hatcher )  a soused stripper ( mary stuart masterson )  and a shady dea agent ( vondie curtis hall ) . everyone knows everyone else and it makes for a collective that ', s curious but never compelling . based on the book by james lee burke  heaven ', s prisoners is so badly plotted that entire * scenes * seem to be missing . early on  we have no idea of why dave and annie keep the child to themselves . nor how they eluded both the coast guard and the faa . later  dave is reunited with a drug - abuser who appears seemingly clean and sober and without any explanation . huh ? the whole movie is like this  perhaps the result of some unkind cuts that happened during the eighteen months that the film sat on the shelf . whatever the reason  somebody should tell director phil joanou ( final analysis ) to recut this mess . in its present form  heaven ', s prisoners runs only two hours plus change  but it feels like four .
neg spoiled rich kid kelley morse ( chris klein ) receives a new mercedes for a graduation present . he and his buddies take it for a joyride to a small nearby town  where he proceeds to torment the locals simply because he ', s rich and they ', re not . he ends up provoking jasper ( josh hartnett ) into a race and as a result  the local gas station and diner are destroyed when they crash into it . kelley is sentenced to rebuild the diner  and has to live with jasper in a spare room over his family ', s barn . jasper ', s girlfriend sam ( leelee sobieski ) soon takes a liking to kelley however  despite the fact that 1 ) it was her family ', s diner that was destroyed and b ) all kelley does is sit around  sulk  and smart off to the townspeople . but when she sees him sweaty and shirtless  that ', s apparently all she needs to lose her feelings for jasper ( whose only fault seems to be a perpetual case of hat hair ) . so sobieski soon falls in love with kelley  especially after the day she follows him through the woods and hears him giving his graduation speech ( which he was unable to deliver because he caused the destruction of property and nearly killed dozens of people ) . in the speech  kelley quotes a poem by robert frost  which just so happens to be sam ', s favorite poem as well . awwwww . soon they ', re frolicking around in the fields and for some reason waste no time letting people in town ( especially jasper ', s best friend ) see them together . kelley continues to make an ass of himself in town  especially when he shows up at the town dance  drunk and steaming because sam went with jasper . kelley runs off and decides to leave town . sam catches up to him at the bus station and he asks her to come to boston with him . jasper shows up and tearfully confesses to sam just how much he loves her  and sam  without even breaking stride basically says " see ya ! " and takes off to boston with kelley . here on earth goes in so many wrong directions from the start that by the time its fairly decent ending comes around  its completely worthless . chris klein and leelee sobieski are two of my current favorite young performers  and it ', s because of their presence that i watched this film in the first place . however  not long into the proceedings i wanted to just reach into the film and strangle them both . i shouldn ', t have such feelings towards people i like  but their characters are so infuriating that . . . well trust me  you ', ll feel the same way . even though both of the lead male characters are usually in the wrong  kelley is hands down the more unlikable of the two  simply because his jerkish actions are calculated . he intends to be a jackass each and every time he does it . jasper on the other hand  only reacts to kelley ', s provocations  and afterwards comes across as being truly sorry for his impulsive actions . but  as in life  nice guys finish last . for the entire film we watch sam fall in love with the guy no one likes while the film ', s only sympathetic character gets completely crushed . then  a cancer subplot comes into play ( where things get even more infuriating  if you can imagine that ) . what  things weren ', t depressing enough for you mr . screenwriter ? who greenlit this project ? who " on earth " thought this would entertain anyone ? perhaps if the film had been structured where kelley perhaps felt some remorse after he caused the destruction of property and nearly killed dozens of people . but even after he ', s destroyed these people ', s lives he continues to be a snob to them  and ruins one more for good measure . here on earth is available on dvd from fox home entertainment . it contains the film in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1 and is enhanced for 16x9 televisions . extras include jessica simpson ', s music video for " where you are "  a commercial for the film ', s soundtrack ( which by the way is the only good thing about the film )  the original theatrical trailer and five tv spots  trailers for other fox releases ( anna and the king  anywhere but here  the beach  drive me crazy  ever after  romeo + juliet  simply irresistible )  as well as that new fox promo touting their upcoming dvd releases that i really enjoy . the picture and sound quality on the disc are fine . . . nothing that will challenge anyone ', s audio / video systems of course . fans of this movie ( if any exist ) should enjoy the dvd release . here on earth is not entertaining nor is it compelling . no joy or entertainment value can be derived from any of the events of the film . it is merely a waste of time  money and talent .
neg some movies ', pre - release buzz is so insistent on their high oscar potential that when they ', re finally released  everyone just goes along with it . thus sometimes  films unworthy of any award sans the razzie become oscar hopefuls and some even score nominations . last year it was the thin red line . this year ', s " winner " is the hurricane  pure unadulterated tripe that is all of a sudden being received with critical plaudits and votes in the office oscar pool . acclaimed director norman jewison ', s biopic retreads all the conventions of courtroom movies without any of the fun . and that ', s supposed to be ok because  see  it ', s a true story . it ', s about rubin " hurricane " carter ( denzel washington )  a legendary african american prizefighted who is unjustly convicted of triple homicide with the help of a ghastly ( racist ! ) detective ( dan hedaya ) who ', s had it in for the " big - shot " hurricane ever since he arrested him for stabbing a white man with a knife ( in self - defense but who cares  right ? ) when rubin was only ten . he is to serve three life sentences with no possibility of parole . most of the film takes place when he is in his 15th year in prison . to the rescue -- lesra martin ( vicellous reon shannon ) and his team of wanna - be detectives . lesra is an african american teenager taken in by three well - off canadian white people ( hanna  unger  schreiber ) to get an education . lesra and his buddies go to a book sale where lesra picks out his very first book -- " the sixteenth round  " rubin ', s autobiography . immediately thereafter  schreiber ', s character tells lesra " sometimes we don ', t pick the books we read  they pick us . " hmmm . after a few visits to the prison  they become convinced of rubin ', s innocence and launch their own full - scale investigation even though two juries have convicted him . they meticulously go through all the files and revisit all the old witnesses ( i wonder if any of them might be cranky old women who slam the door in their faces ? ) and in the course of their relentlessy tedious sleuthing uncover obvious evidence confirming the hurricane ', s innocence that was either ignored or never seeked out during the first two proceedings . of course  we ', re already told that he ', s innocent . a movie like this is especially frustrating because we ', re not being shown everything significant that happened to carter during this period in his life . all too obviously  we ', re getting the hollywood watered - down version . that would be ok except that the parts we are getting is milked for every single drop of melodrama that the filmmakers could possibly squeeze out of it . it ', s almost cruel . the melodrama isn ', t of the entertaining kind either ; it ', s the hokey  rammed - down - your - throat variety where every emotion is exaggerated to the point of absurdity . witness the villain ferociously grinding his teeth at the final trial or the constant pseudo - saintliness of our four protagonists . the hurricane is your basic courtroom movie except it ', s a no - frills courtroom movie . it ', s formula stripped to the bare necessities . you have your wrongly accused black man . you have your melodramatic final courtroom scene . but there ', s nothing else . you ', d expect some sort of involving investigation . but that ', s not necessary since we ', re implicitly informed of his innocence . thus the whole middle portion of the movie is reduced to the protagonist brooding . brooding to himself . brooding to other inmates . brooding to lesra . brooding to lesra ', s canadian friends . brooding in letters . i don ', t think i ', ll ever look at brooding the same way again . it wasn ', t long before i got tired of hearing the hurricane ', s exceedingly deep meditations on his condition . i wanted something to happen . as for washington ', s performance in the title role -- i figured i ', d have to address it sooner or later considering the amount of attention it ', s received -- he is top notch  though still boring . how is that possible ? well  he does what jewison wanted him to do perfectly . unfortunately what jewison asked him to do is a load of crap . what a waste of a great performer . speaking of wastes  why the hell did john hannah agree to do this ? he ', s an extremely talented actor and i love him dearly  but what is he doing here ? to call his character ( along with schreiber ', s and unger ', s ) a stick figure would be a gross understatement . all three of them come off as veritable mother theresas  as benevolent as do - gooders come . if they ', re to play a major part in this movie  why not make them real people  with real feelings and emotions ? look : if you ', re going to make a formula movie  don ', t undermine the formula . courtroom dramas can be fun  but this is ridiculous . not only is it trite  it ', s boring .
neg all feature film directors who cut their teeth on music videos  please raise your hands . thank you for identifying yourselves ; now would you all please go away . your influence has to rank as one of the most annoying trends in filmmaking in the last decade  and it shows no sign of abating any time soon . it isn ', t just the strobe light quality of your twenty - cuts - per - minute editing  or the numbing over - use of popular music artists on the soundtracks which makes me suspicious of any film advertised " featuring the music of . . . " no  it is a kind of cynicism you have perfected  banking on the idea that no one will care about the lack of a story if you include enough bells and whistles . welcome to the club  scott kalvert . your adaptation of the basketball diaries is loud and one - dimensional  serving only as the vehicle for a performance by leonardo dicaprio that is better in pieces than it is as a whole . dicaprio stars as jim carroll  the new york poet / songwriter / performer on whose autobiographical writings the film is based . as the film opens  jim is a budding high school basketball star given to petty thievery and getting drunk with buddies mickey ( mark wahlberg )  pedro ( james madio ) and neutron ( patrick mcgaw ) . one night  jim graduates from inhalants to cocaine  and shortly thereafter to heroin . jim ', s addiction to the drug starts him on a downhill spiral  as he is kicked off the basketball team by his coach ( bruno kirby )  kicked out of his home by his mother ( lorraine bracco )  and drops out of school . along with mickey and pedro  jim becomes a victim of the street  living from fix to fix and sinking lower and lower . the basketball diaries has been bouncing around as a project for years  but the sticking point has always been that jim carroll as a character was too unsympathetic and too much a loner . screenwriter bryan goluboff created the three characters who act as carroll ', s posse  resulting in a jim carroll who is just as unsympathetic  but now with equally unsympathetic friends . as a film  the basketball diaries may be intended primarily as a cautionary tale  a 100 minute long " just say no " public service announcement  but as drama it is monumentally ineffective because it is impossible to care much about anyone in the movie . jim is sort of a jerk even before he becomes a junkie  but i suppose that his pseudo - sensitive poetry and his devotion to his terminally ill friend are intended to balance that out . perhaps we are expected to see jim as one of those " good kids who falls in with the wrong crowd " that every parent believes his or her troubled child to be ; i saw him simply as part of the bad crowd . without a character who changes in any appreciable way  the basketball diaries rapidly degenerates into a collection of crimes committed by jim and his strung - out cohorts  all choreographed to an oppressively loud soundtrack . director scott kalvert doesn ', t have many scenes with intrinsic dramatic impact with which to work  so he substitutes silly slow - motion photography  self - consciously funky camera angles and choppy editing . on only one occasion  when a steady pan around a room where jim is trying to detox makes it appear that the walls are closing in  are any of the gimmicks effective . mostly  they just draw attention to how hollow the story is . they also don ', t allow leonardo dicaprio ', s performance to be as strong as it could have been . for every impressive moment  like his desperate attempt to get his mother to give him money  there is a scene where kalvert pulls too much of the focus to his own camera theatrics . dicaprio is most effective when he is playing off other actors  particularly a fine sequence featuring ernie hudson as an ex - junkie who tries to help jim straighten out  but kalvert won ', t let character interaction define this story . he wants to turn dicaprio into a rock star  shooting him in dramatic fashion but denying him the opportunity to do much acting . at isolate moments  the basketball diaries is a fine showcase for dicaprio ', s talents . far more frequently  it looks like kalvert is trying to imagine what a long form velvet underground video might have looked like .
neg depending on your degree of cinematic acumen  last man standing is either a ) a prohibition - era remake of akira kurosawa ', s 1961 classic yojimbo ; b ) a prohibition - era remake of sergio leone ', s 1964 classic a fistful of dollars ; c ) a prohibition - era action drama with a completely original story - line . new line is certainly counting on the fact that there are far more potential viewers in category ( c ) than in the other two combined  much as the recent remakes of diabolique and the vanishing counted on avoiding such comparisons . the fact is that there is yet another way of looking at last man standing  which is as the first film version of the story which nods to the _real_ source material  the dashiell hammett novel _red harvest_ . it also shows that kurosawa and leone knew better what to do with that material than hammett himself . this time around  the man with no name is played by bruce willis  a fellow with a shady history of an undefined nature who rolls into the texas border town of jericho one day on his way to mexico . by all appearances  jericho is well on its way to becoming a ghost town  with the few remaining inhabitants generally belonging to one of two bootlegging operations fighting for control of liquor coming over the border . one is headed by an irishman named doyle ( david patrick kelly ) ; the other is run by chicago - connected italian mobster strozzi ( ned eisenberg ) . calling himself john smith  the man decides that there is money to be made from the conflict  and hires himself out as an enforcer to doyle ', s side . but smith ', s allegiance is as uncertain as his name  and he begins to play the two sides against each other while trying to stay one step ahead of both of them . viewers familiar with both previous incarnations of this story will find virtually nothing radically changed from a plotting standpoint  and that alone should make last man standing somewhat more respectable than other recent hollywood remakes - cum - bastardizations . there is the happily ineffectual lawman ( bruce dern )  the unhappily detained object of one of the bosses ', affections ( karina lombard )  the barkeep who becomes our anti - hero ', s only friend ( william sanderson )  suspicious lieutenants ( christopher walken and michael imperioli ) to question the bosses ', trust in smith  a brutal beating  and a big fire . director walter hill gives the proceedings his usual injection of steroids  including a pair of guns for willis which have the ability to propel an assailant backward with sufficient thrust to achieve escape velocity  but at least he doesn ', t try to turn the story into a slasher film or a buddy picture . what he _does_ do is nearly as big a mistake  and that is to provide a running voice - over narration by willis which rings of the standard hard - boiled style of pulp detective fiction . yes  that narration is full of cliches  but those are are not particularly troubling . the problem is that both yojimbo and a fistful of dollars succeeded largely on the inscrutability of their lead characters . they were a mystery  to the other characters in the film and to the audience  their motives never entirely clear even after they have acted  and that quality contributed to their almost mythical status . with john smith ', s voice chattering on in the background and allowing us into his every thought  he becomes more mundane  just another tough guy trying to stay alive . it feels like a hammett novel  all right  and hill can plead faithfulness to his text for his choice  but it simply doesn ', t work . the narration allows the man with no name to take us into his confidence  and the man with no name takes _no one_ into his confidence . even if you walk into last man standing as a blank slate  i can ', t imagine it being much more than a heavily armed minor distraction . willis tones down his macho swagger as the taciturn smith  but there is still a level on which he always seems like he is counting on being tougher than everyone else rather than smarter than everyone else . christopher walken plays doyle ', s brutal henchman as a slight variation on his gallery of soft - spoken psychos  and there isn ', t another single character whom makes even the slightest impression . with no compelling antagonist for smith  there is no build - up towards the expected showdown  and when it does come  that showdown is over so quickly you wonder what all the fuss was about . cinematographer lloyd ahern ( who also did the only noteworthy work on hill ', s 1995 flop wild bill ) creates some nifty sunburned vistas  but his work is only to keep the eye distracted between the spurts of gunfire and the next bit of counter - productive narration . sometimes when someone sees a lackluster remake of a revered original  they ', ll wonder what all the talk was about . in the case of last man standing  it is those who know the originals who will wonder what all that talking was about .
neg okay  bear with me y ', all  cause first off i have to get this off my chest : what the hell is up with that damn crab ? ? ? whew . okay . cause that same clip shown over and over again was beginning to get on my nerves towards the end  as cute as the crab maybe . even i know that you need more footage than * that * . and that wasn ', t the only thing getting on my nerves . the cutesy gimmicks  saccharine sweet score / soundtrack and the pretty young faces of sarah michelle gellar ( as amanda ) and sean patrick flannery ( as tom ) might have held some appeal during  oh  say the first 10 minutes of the movie . at first the movie moves along at a quick  interesting pace . it is speedily established that something magical is about to happen to amanda when she encounters a totally random fairy godfather type person on the street  whose aforementioned crab follows her everywhere and just * doesn ', t * die . a ridiculous concept  yes  but at this point i ', m willing to accept it because i ', m willing to accept that this is how amanda ', s life is changed  how her powers are received . later on  the movie can ', t seem to decide whether these powers come from this fairy godfather or from amanda falling in with tom . and this is why the clips of the crab were annoying ; they weren ', t just repetitive  they were out of place and unnecessary . the plot stumbles along at an uneven speed  sometimes dwelling too long on a particular development ( amanda suddenly becoming a great chef  her falling in love with tom  etc . )  sometimes moving on too quickly for its own good . some places the plot just doesn ', t make sense  sometimes it ', s way too contrived ( the crab bit  for example )  and sometimes too corny ( peaches emitting dry ice . can ', t beat that ) . all in all the plot seemed fragmented  unconnected . not romantic at all  and only funny in some places . so  okay  do the magic powers come from the crab ? or the fairy godfather ? she can * float * now too ? and all of a sudden  instead of just making dry ice come out of peaches  she can put her emotions into her food ? tom all of a sudden just accepts amanda ', s " witchcraft " in the end ? would people really dine in a restaurant that resembles life after death in tupac ', s video ? what the hell is up with that damn crab ? it is unfortunate  because i liked the basic premise of the movie  until it became too fantastical and tiresome . the film seemed to skirt around a serious theme or at least * a * theme for a while  but towards the end it resolved to show us long flashback clips and 5 minutes of people crying at their tables . the humor was good in some places ( nolan gets the funniest bits  including that incomprehensible  totally random thing with the dolls ) . gellar and flannery are qualified actors  and gellar has a particular charm  but i much prefer her playing the saucy buffy ( or even annette in the upcoming " cruel intentions " ) than this sorry excuse for a character . it ', s almost funny sometimes to see these two trying so hard to make the dialogue sound better than it is  or trying to make the relationship seem more plausible . the supporting character nolan was a highlight  though he reminded me a bit of kevin in " you ', ve got mail " ( see footnotes ) . and  as always  typical of a chick flick / romantic comedy  there ', s a seemingly endless romantic soundtrack in the background  cued up at all the right places . this sort of got on the nerves after a while  too . " simply irresistible " is not hard to understand  light  funny in some places  and generally disappointing because it can ', t draw the line between romance and protracted sap  between humor and tired slapstick . and how could i refrain from making a pun ? . . . " simply irresistible " is all too easy to resist . ( first viewing  2 / 6 / 99 ) * did anyone else think this was a tad bit similar to " you ', ve got mail " ( or " the shop around the corner " ) ? business rivals fall in love . female counterpart ', s business is in danger of being shut down . female as mother - like figure guiding her . the annoying  hysterical ex - girlfriends . * i _really_ like sarah michelle gellar ', s wardrobe .
neg i went to blair witch project 2 : book of shadows with the highest of hopes . the original film  released last summer  was genuinely scary and terrifying ; i hoped that this movie would live up to its predecessor . unfortunately  my hopes were soon dashed . as the movie opens  the audience is shown pseudo - documentary clips of burkittsville  maryland residents being interviewed about the sudden tourist influx to their town as a result of the original blair witch project movie . it ', s a mostly humorous  self - aware poke at the media hype and hysteria surrounding the first film . during this segment  we are introduced to the protagonist  a young man who sells blair witch - related memorabilia from his website . the movie then cuts to a title that informs us that what we are about to see occurred one year previously . we see the same young man that was selling blair witch paraphernalia  but now he is confined in a mental institution the sort of which one only finds in bad horror movies . we see him having some sort of disgusting white goo unconvincingly forced down his nose while a cigarette - smoking doctor luridly leers above him . we see him throwing himself wildly around a padded room ; we see him cowering naked in a shower stall as a fire hose is turned on him . no explanation is provided for why he is in the mental institution ; in fact  these scenes are barely referred to again . i had a sinking feeling during these opening scenes ; generally  a hospital scene that is set with poor lighting  filthy interiors  and evil doctors is a sure sign that you are in the throes of a truly horrible movie . the movie cuts again  this time to the present . the young man  whose name is jeffrey ( played by jeffrey donovan -- as in the first movie  the character names are identical to the actors ', names  although this movie admits up front that it is fictional  so there ', s no reason for the practice this time around )  is rounding up a group of people that he will be leading into the woods that weekend for the " blair witch hunt  " which is a promotional gimmick he came up with and sells on his website . we meet tristen and steven  a young couple who are writing a book about the blair witch experience . steven is a skeptic  believing the whole thing to be the result of mass hysteria . tristen  on the other hand  believes that there may be some truth to the rumors of supernatural occurrence . she is wan and soft - spoken ; she complains that the radio is playing too loudly . ( she also complains that she feels nauseated ; i knew immediately that the character was pregnant  and my intuition was confirmed a few scenes later when kim psychomagically susses it out . how did i know ? because in bad movies  nauseated women are always pregnant . ) the fourth member of their party is erica  a wiccan with flowing hair and wide eyes who wants to prove that the blair witch was a good witch  not evil . they pick up the fifth and final team member in a cemetery . kim is dressed completely in black  has extreme goth - style makeup on  and occasionally displays seemingly psychic abilities  but otherwise seems to be the most intelligent and reasonable person out of the entire bunch . presumably she wanted to be picked up in the cemetery just for dramatic effect ; it ', s never explained . the party of five heads off into the woods as promised . they reach the crumbling ruins of the foundation of rustin parr ', s house and set up camp  complete with extensive video equipment with which to record the night ', s events . there is a brief encounter with a rival blair witch tour group who had planned to camp at that site as well  but after a few words are exchanged  the rival group huffs off and makes camp elsewhere . the movie veers off at this point to spend many long  long minutes showing the drinking party that ensues after the sun goes down . sexual innuendoes are tossed around  much hard liquor  beer  and pot is consumed  and nothing much else happens . this would be a great point to get up and go to the bathroom if necessary . the next day  the team wakes up and discovers that their camera equipment has been completely trashed  and that steven and tristen ', s manuscript paper is fluttering down from the sky in shreds  like snow . the videotapes are missing  but thanks to a psychic intuition from kim  they discover the videotapes buried underneath the foundation of the house  " right where the original blair witch tapes were found ! " ooh . spooky . the team goes back to jeffrey ', s house -- a creepy old civil war - era warehouse in the heart of the woods -- to regroup and review the tapes . they soon discover that the tapes mysteriously skip five hours of the night . wacky hijinks ensue . tristen starts having weird dreams in which she is the blair witch  everybody starts finding these weird rune - like burn marks on their bodies  steven and erica have some highly disturbing mutual hallucinations  and everything pretty much goes to hell in a handbasket . throughout the entire ordeal  jeffrey and the others continue to scrutinize the videotapes  which seem to have some kind of weird images on them at about the point that the time jumps ; eventually tristen wanders in  mutters something about " reverse  " and from this they somehow realize that they have to play the tapes backwards . when they do this  they discover what really happened during the five lost hours . ( one of the things they see on the videotape is footage of themselves burying the videotapes . okay  if the videotapes were being buried  then how were they recording themselves . . . oh  nevermind . ) this movie was awful . simply awful . the characters are broadly - drawn caricatures that are never allowed any depth or development . erica is the nature - loving wiccan . tristen is the weak and sympathetic woman . steven is the overbearing asshole . kim is the antisocial goth girl . old  tired cliches were used to illustrate these caricatures . how do we know tristen is weak and sympathetic ? because she ', s pregnant ! how do we know kim is an antisocial goth girl ? because she wears a lot of eye makeup ! how do we know the local sheriff is a bad guy ? because he has jagged teeth and talks like he ', s straight out of " deliverance " ! this is weak storytelling at its worst . rather than taking the time to flesh out the characters and make them truly sympathetic  the writer chose to give each one a few stereotypical characteristics  in an attempt to use some cinematic shorthand and thereby skip straight to the action . it didn ', t work . on top of being poorly developed  most of the characters were either seriously unlikable or patently stupid . ( " honey  you just had a miscarriage out in the woods and got medical attention at a hospital that looks like it belongs in a bad slasher movie . let ', s get on a plane home . " " no . i am having these bizarre nightmares and seeing strange visions and i want to find out what ', s going on . " " ok . " ) frankly  by the end of the movie  i was rooting for the witch . i also felt that there was simply too much blood ', n ', gore in this film . the first movie worked by never showing us the horror . the witch was a palpable presence in that movie  but we never saw it ; we never saw anything  in fact . the horror was all off - screen  and thus our imaginations worked overtime to envision what it might possibly be . this is the hallmark of a truly creepy and disturbing horror movie . blair witch 2 dispensed with such niceties and went straight for the gross - out . this was evident from the opening scenes of the mad doctors forcing white goo down jeffrey ', s throat  and continued throughout the film as the audience is treated to occasional confusing and disorienting footage of what appears to be a ritual massacre of some sort . knives plunge into flesh  bloody fingers trail off into the darkness  and none of it is explained until the very end  when it was too late for me to care . this movie didn ', t stop with showing us the gore  either ; it went for broke and showed us everything . by the end of the movie  there are no questions remaining about the missing five hours . it is all explained ; in fact  it is all shown on - screen in loving detail . i confess to being someone who prefers horror movies in which you never see the monster  or see only brief glimpses  mere suggestions of what the monster is ; it is not because i find the monster so terrifying  but because i find the absence of the monster to be infinitely more terrifying . i have seen interviews with the director in which he suggested that there is no " monster  " that all of the evil was perpetrated only by the human mind . i found this to be a miserably poor explanation ; if it was in fact the director ', s intent  then he needs to have some words with the writer  because it was not made clear at all . ( i know a lot of people who like to go to parties and get drunk and stoned out of their minds ; none of them has ever gone on a murderous rampage and then experienced mass hallucinations with a group of other people for the next week or so . and if there was no witch  then what about the vanishing tree ? the snowfall of manuscript paper ? hm ? ) blair witch 2 : book of shadows was a horrible movie . from the poorly - written characters to the implausible story to the plot inconsistencies to the gross - out shots  it was a bad effort through and through .
neg i ', m giving this stinker . normally  the worst that i would ever rate a movie would be . but the total waste of time that is blazing saddles is  compounded by the fact that this movie is incredibly offensive  helped me come to the big goose egg . i ', m not sure what the hell mel brooks was thinking when he made this thing  or if he was even thinking at all . maybe in mel ', s little mind a horse being knocked unconscious because of a punch to the face is funny . in mine  it ', s not . or maybe mel graduated from the spike lee school of filmmaking . because only the self - righteous lee uses the n - word more often in his films than brooks did in this one . at least lee has the smarts to realize that nobody is going to find that term amusing . brooks bandies it about like he figures the audience will be rolling in the aisles every time they hear it . wrong mel ! i would call you a boob mel  but that insults breasts everywhere . this idiotic attempt at a comedy centers on the evil lieutenant governor ', s ( harvey korman ) attempts to clear out a town so he can buy up the land cheap and sell it to the railroad . he sends his goons to run the townsfolk out . but the town appeals to the governor ( mel brooks in one of many uninspired  and unfunny roles ) to send them a new sheriff to protect them . the governor pawns the task off to korman ', s character hedley lamarr . ( i can tell you are rolling off your chairs right now just thinking of all the humor in that name . ) lamarr decides to send the town a black sheriff ( gasp ) in the hopes that the town will be so disgusted at the prospect of a black man living among them that they will all just leave . hold on  i ', ve got to stop while these gales of laughter pass . it ', s just too funny . racism passing as humor -- gosh why didn ', t anybody ever think of that one before ? oh wait  i think somebody might have -- they are called the kkk . i ', m not calling brooks a racist -- but i am calling him an insensitive bastard who wouldn ', t know what was funny if it hit him over the head . but i digress . anyway  the black sheriff rides into town amid a flurry of townsfolk using the n - word . golly  will the hilarity just never end ? he ends up joining forces with a drunk ( gene wilder )  who happens to be the former fastest gun in the west . together  they save the day from evil . not one person in this movie gives a decent performance . wilder looks like he is recovering from a head injury for most of the movie  and korman looks embarrassed to be a part of the movie . ok  he really didn ', t -- but he should have . the films star cleavon little goes along with the black jokes as if they were discussing the time of day . i did not laugh once during this whole sorry experience . i admit to starting to snicker on a couple of occasions . actually  the end started to look as if it was going to have some promise  but alas  it ended up being as crappy as the rest of the movie . i can say with full confidence that blazing saddles has no redeeming qualities whatsoever . mel brooks would be doing the world a favor if he burned every last copy of this film .
neg 2 days in the valley is more or less a pulp fiction knock off . it basically involves how a bunch of quirky characters in the los angeles area end up having their lives become intertwined in some very unusual ways . i ', m not going into much greater detail than that  since it would take forever to explain  and quite frankly  i ', m not willing to spend any more time on it than the 2 hours that i ', ve already wasted . while it tries very hard to be pulp fiction  2 days in the valley falls way short . this is quite a condemnation considering the cast includes danny aiello  james spader and jeff daniels . while the story isn ', t much  and the dialogue and characters rate only marginally better  2 days in the valley does have a couple of bright spots . james spader ', s character  while not much better than the rest  is at least fun to watch in a sick sort of way . and we do get to see a nice cat fight between uber babes teri hatcher and charlize theron ( in her first role ) . you know a movie isn ', t that good when the highlight is a brawl between two women . even if they are both gorgeous . i will give the writers some credit for the fairly clever ways in which they managed to intersect the lives of this group of characters that would have otherwise never interacted . but marveling at that ingenuity is a far cry from actually enjoying the result . while some of the characters and their respective stories are fairly interesting  they inevitably are brought down as they intersect with the other half of the characters that i really cared absolutely nothing about . if i were to put a number on it  only about half of the story and half the characters in this movie were particularly interesting or otherwise enjoyable to watch . this is the sort of movie that only a huge fan of one or more of the cast members should rent  and even then prepare for disappointment . not even charlize theron being naked would get me to sit through this movie again . or at least not all of it anyway .
neg what would inspire someone who cannot write or act to pen and star in a movie ? a better question  what would inspire a studio to produce said movie ? if you have an answer  let me know . foolish  the new movie written by and starring master p is a jaw - droppingly horrible film  one with no redeeming value socially  cinematically or otherwise . comedically it has some potential  but only in its stand - up comedy moments  which i can turn on comedy central for . master p stars as fifty dollah ', ( beat that ! ) as a mobster ( i think ) who is trying to start a comedy club / act with his little brother foolish ( eddie griffin ) . but the two of them have to deal with an angry mob boss ( played by andrew dice clay  for the very first time entertaining )  a stubborn club owner and family problems ( the latter in foolish is a perfect example of roger ebert ', s " idiot plot  " if everyone here wasn ', t an idiot  there would be no problem ) so what does foolish have to offer beside a bunch of idiotic character names ? not a hell of a lot . as i have mentioned  master p cannot act or write . he acts like the rapper that he is . the occasional despair that his script requires him to exhibit is excruciatingly forced  as are his warm and fuzzy scenes with his little bro . as for his script -- well  i suppose he delivers what one would expect from a musical artist with no previous screenwriting experience . if you haven ', t yet figured it out  that is not saying much . co - star eddie griffin ( really the star of the show ) is quite a different story . the fact of the matter is that griffin  whose most significant screen outing to date is probably the mildly successful tv show malcolm and eddie on the fledgling upn network  is an extremely talented comedian  stand - up and otherwise . he has much in common with chris tucker ( rush hour  money talks ) in how quickly and effortlessly his speech flows from his lips . he spouts profanity with impressive dexterity ( to the extent which that can be done )  and while i hope that does not become his trademark it works in a few scenes in this movie . and indeed  i laughed at a few stand - up scenes here  but from a feature - length movie i expect more . foolish provided me with no reason to care for these characters . every scene which has any potential for dramatic impact is effectively diffused by either a stupid joke ( in a scene where tension escalates between the two brothers  foolish blurts out towards his jewelry - sporting sibling " you lay one hand on me and this cemetary is going to be a gold rush " ) or something even more idiotic such as foolish smashing his own car ( to which i said  a bit too loudly for the occasion " huh ? " ) after getting slightly upset with his wife . believe me when i say that there is nothing in foolish that warrants parting with your hard - earned $ 8 . you ', ll get more laughs from watching 30 minutes of comedy central or any virtually any sitcom if you don ', t have cable . eddie griffin fans may enjoy this derivative ( although offensive ) yarn  but everyone else should stay the hell away . &# 137 ;
neg synopsis : a novelist struggling with his latest work buys a weird brain with a protruding eyeball encased in a jar . the brain exerts its evil influence upon the novelist and his secretary  while his wife disapproves . meanwhile  a loan shark in need of a shave tries to leave his profession . comments : why is this movie called possessed by the night ? it ', s hard to speculate . most of this film takes place during the day  and the only thing possessing anyone is an icky  pulsating  bubbling brain thingie in a jar . in case you haven ', t picked up on this yet  possessed by the night is a bottom - of - the - barrel " thriller " ( i use the term " thriller " loosely here ) which is really cheap and bad . the plot  which sounds like a cheesy pulp science fiction story from the 1950s  actually serves one purpose : to exploit nude women as often as possible . writing a movie review for a film like this proves oddly challenging . there ', s really not much to say . the acting is lousy ; although  occasionally  the attempts at acting are so absurd that they garner a chuckle or two from the audience . most humorous is frank sivero  who plays murray  the novelist ', s agent . he is so horrible in this role that one can ', t help but be amused . the plot sucks . nearly half the film is devoted to a loser loan shark who wants out of the profession  even though he has only limited relevance to the movie as a whole . the dialogue stinks . a loan shark  for instance  tells another how much he loves bimbos  which is something the audience really doesn ', t need to know . everything about possessed by the night is second rate  even the film credits . as the names of the not - so - talented film crew scrolled by at the end  joseph scales came up  credited as being " assistsant to foley artist . " someone could have used an editor ! to be honest  the film is basically an excuse to flash frontal nudity and show some sex scenes . playboy playmate shannon tweed  after all  is the star here . i suppose that if one wanted this sort of thing  he would like this movie . why did i give this turkey two stars and not one ? as a bad movie  it is unintentionally funny enough to keep someone passingly interested in the film . if you feel possessed to see possessed by the night  however  i ', d recommend you exorcise this impulse and watch something else .
neg okay  okay . maybe i wasn ', t in the mood to watch a mindless action movie ; i am the same person that liked lethal weapon iii  even while admitting that it wasn ', t as good as the others . howewer  the latest segal picture didn ', t look that bad  and since none of my friends would go see a woody allen movie even if i paid them  i went to see it expecting a mild die hard rehash . boy  was i wrong ! in the first half of the movie  we are already assaulted with segal ', s acting  ( he is not simply wooden ; he is like a wall )  gratuitous violence  an incredible plot  sexist and even more gratuitous nudity  and bad lines that obviously were meant as jokes . by the end  it is obvious that hundreds of navy men are no match for thirty armed special forces soldiers . not once in the movie did segal appear worried or undecided  which did not do much for increasing the unexistent suspense . of course  in movies like these  there must be a sidekick  and a love interest . in these one we are given a two for one package in the form of a playboy model ( in the movie )  which only functions as a supposed comic relief ( by the way of extremely stupid unfunny lines )  and to have watering eyes and look away every time something bad happens in the movie . oh  of course  she appears naked from the waist up  and  of course  segal kisses her at the end after no development of their relationship ; they did not even seem to be interested in each other . i have never seen so little chemistry between two people in a movie . often  the villain saves the movie ; unfortunately  the villains here are cartoonish  stupid and unfunny  unmenacing . how many movies have psycho ex - special forces bad guys ? too many . i was able to predict the action all throughout the movie  including the moment where the sidekick saves the hero from certain death  the scene where the bad guy can kill the hero but proceeds to explain his plan to him  the scene where we are shown the hero ', s superiors are stupid  the scene where the bad guy loses his gun and has to fight the hero hand to hand  etc . . . simply said  this is movie - making by the numbers  boring  and potentially offensive in going for the lowest common denominator of the audience . my recommendation : if you go see it  bring a watch . you ', ll be looking at it for most of the movie . my . rent die hard . read a book . stare at the sky . do not waste your time on this worthless piece of celluloid . the real sad thing is that there are a lot of movies out that i would rather have seen ; once again  dragged in by my friends  which by the way  liked the movie halfheartedly . they probably like wrestling too : - ) .
neg in life  eddie murphy and martin lawrence play two young men wrongfully convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison . after about an hour of watching this movie  you begin to realize how their characters feel . fortunately  for audience members there ', s a chance to escape the nearest exit . this  undoubtedly  is eddie murphy ', s worst movie and that ', s an accomplishment . remember the golden child  harlem nights ? compared to life  they look like citizen kane . life is long  predictable  foul - mouthed and only intermittently funny . its 100 - minute running time feels like 100 years . robert ramsey and matthew stone ', s script basically consist of murphy and lawrence referring to everyone around them as " motherf . . . s " or " n . . . . . s . " you lose count how many times both those obnoxious  offensive words are used . and if that all it takes to write a script  than any illiterate jackass can sit at a word processor and compose a movie . but  like life  it will probably stink . to be honest  the screening audience surrounding me in the theater yucked it up . but these were the same people who howled at all the flatulence and fat jokes as well . life is as sophisticated as a belch . it ', s crude and stereotypical . years ago  movies stereotypically portrayed blacks subservient  second - class people  good for being only maids and servants . for the most part  the lot of blacks and other racial groups have improved . but a new  more insidious stereotype is creeping into movies . in many recent films  through actors such as murphy and chris tuckers  blacks are presented as fast - talking  conniving  scam artists or hip - hop  gun - crazy  sex - crazed youths . both sets of caricatures are demeaning . and the fault does not rest with the actors . they have to eat  too . it is with the people who write the scripts  the studios who green - light the projects and the audiences who accept these portrayals without protest . life ', s only redeeming virtue is the artistry of makeup legend rick baker who flawlessly ages murphy and lawrence into 90 year olds . otherwise  life is an embarrassment  a blot on the resumes of those associated with it . see it at your own risk .
neg there may not be a critic alive who harbors as much affection for shlock monster movies as i do . i delighted in the sneaky - smart entertainment of ron underwood ', s big - underground - worm yarn tremors ; i even giggled at last year ', s critically - savaged big - underwater - snake yarn anaconda . something about these films causes me to lower my inhibitions and return to the saturday afternoons of my youth  spent in the company of ghidrah  the creature from the black lagoon and the blob . deep rising  a big - undersea - serpent yarn  doesn ', t quite pass the test . sure enough  all the modern monster movie ingredients are in place : a conspicuously multi - ethnic / multi - national collection of bait . . . excuse me  characters ; an isolated location  here a derelict cruise ship in the south china sea ; some comic relief ; a few cgi - enhanced gross - outs ; and at least one big explosion . there are too - cheesy - to - be - accidental elements  like a sleazy shipping magnate ( anthony heald ) who also appears to have a doctorate in marine biology  or a slinky international jewel thief ( famke janssen ) whose white cotton tank top hides a heart of gold . as it happens  deep rising is noteworthy primarily for the mechanical manner in which it spits out all those ingredients . a terrorist crew  led by squinty - eyed mercenary hanover ( wes studi ) and piloted by squinty - eyed boat captain finnegan ( treat williams )  shows up to loot the cruise ship ; the sea monsters show up to eat the mercenary crew ; a few survivors make it to the closing credits . and up go the lights . it ', s hard to work up much enthusiasm for this sort of joyless film - making  especially when a monster moview should make you laugh every time it makes you scream . here  the laughs are provided almost entirely by kevin j . o ', connor  generally amusing as the crew ', s fraidy - cat mechanic . writer / director stephen sommers seems most concerned with creating a tone of action - horror menace -- something over - populated with gore - drenched skeletons  something where the gunfire and special effects are taken a bit too seriously . deep rising is missing that one unmistakable cue that we ', re expected to have a ridiculous good time  not hide our eyes . case it point  comparing deep rising to its recent cousin anaconda . in deep rising  one of the creature ', s victims is regurgitated back into view  partially digested and still alive . he shrieks in horror at his freakish appearance and pain  in a moment a bit too disturbing to be laughable . in anaconda  we also see a regurgitated victim  partially digested and still alive . he looks at another character . . . and winks . make no mistake  deep rising has anaconda beat all to heck when it comes to technical proficiency and pacing . it ', s also gloomy  uninspired and not nearly enough fun . i don ', t ask much of my monster movies  but i do ask that they act like monster movies . you don ', t have to show me a fantastically impressive  massive beast with tentacles a - flailing . just show me the massive beast burping  and i ', ll figure you get the point .
neg renee zellweger stars as sonia  a young jewish wife and mother frustrated by the constraints of her hasidic community in brooklyn . her husband ( glenn fitzgerald ) is a religious scholar whose all - in - a - day ', s - work attitude on sex fails to tame the " fire " she feels within  as so she confesses to the rebbe ( after hearing her fiery confession  the rebbe suddenly gets frisky with his pleasantly surprised wife -- and dies the next morning ) . sensing her frustration  her husband ', s brother ( christopher eccleston ) gives her a job in his jewelry brokering business in exchange for raw  passionless sex that just fans sonia ', s still - burning flame . on the job  sonia befriends ramon ( allen payne )  a cool blast of hunky puerto rican water who does his own jewelry designs when not working as a grunt in an upscale jewelry store . can fire - taming be far be that far behind for the ever - smoldering sonia ? just about everything in writer - director boaz yakin ', s rings false  starting with the improbably cast zellweger  who does an adequate enough acting job but simply looks too waspy for the role . a better fit would have been julianna margulies  who outshines zellweger as sonia ', s take - no - crap sister - in - law . some of sonia ', s baby steps toward liberation  such as indulging in a non - kosher egg roll in chinatown  come off as silly . yakin attempts to spice up the proceedings with a touch of magical realism -- in the form of the recurring presence of sonia ', s long - dead brother ', s ghost -- make the story feel even more trite than it already is . " i didn ', t know what to expect . it ', s like something you chase for so long  but then you don ', t know how to react when you get it . i still don ', t know how to react . " -- michael jordan  on winning his first nba championship in 1991 . . . or  my thoughts after meeting him on november 21  1997
neg there ', re so many things to criticize about i don ', t know where to start . recommendation : turn off your brain - don ', t be like me  decreasing the rating everyday because i think about it too much . a comet is about to strike earth  causing a catastrophe similar to the extinction level event ( e . l . e . ) that wiped out the dinosaurs . what follows is the story of a president ', s bid to think for the good of his people  a rising reporter  the love story of two teenagers ( one of whom discovered the comet )  and a team of astronauts on the ship ` messiah ', to save the world . firstly  there is nothing outstandingly inferior about the making of the film ( nor is there anything outstandingly good about it )  but the plot holes make the film corny and stupid . to be honest  i was more moved by the trailer than the film itself ( which isn ', t saying much ) . mimi leder ', s follow - up to ` the peacemaker ', is equally incompetent  with all the big stars wasted . ( perhaps i ', m just annoyed that the release of ` the peacemaker ', in the us overshadowed a far superior thriller  ` the assignment ', . ) it is very obvious that the title not only represents the big boom that will result from the collision  but also connotes the heavy impact on human lives . however  the film simply fails on that note . the effects are worn - out  the substandard screenplay limited the acting  and the director continued her sad run in terms of good - film - making credentials . she ', s still making good money though . t ? a leoni ', s unfortunate character  the news reporter  is the foundation of the story and of the cast . but the film suffers from too many characters that do not need to be explored . robert duvall ', s aging astronaut is lifeless  and morgan freeman ', s president is restricted to  well  a righteous president ( which means he ', s not interesting at all ) . leoni ', s character is the only appealing one  and is played with reasonable conviction ( but a rather peculiar showing when reporting for msnbc )  but was definitely undervalued by the director and screenwriters . warning : spoilers included ( but a lot of it is irrelevant and predictable anyway ) . plot holes  plot holes  plot holes . now  e . l . e . is threatening to exterminate more than 99 % of the human race  and they send eight puny little nuclear bombs up there ? where ', s the logic ? leder could have at least made it plausible with 20 . and then it turns out that only a few percent of the world population actually perish  and those less selfish ones ( the ones that stayed at home ) were the victims . the film was almost mocking them  telling them they had died for nothing . i also fail to see how two teenagers  carrying a baby  would be the first to climb up the mountain / hill  even with a motorbike for a head - start . it ', s unlikely that the dust will take just two years to settle  but that doesn ', t really matter . building caves was a strategy mentioned in ` dr . strangelove ',  which proposed that people lived underground for one hundred or so years . now that is a more practical use for caves . what is the point of living in caves ? there is no  unlike ` dr . strangelove ',  any radioactivity outside to restrict exposure . how do plants grow ? if humans have the technology to keep plants alive in caves  there ', s no reason why they can ', t do it in the open . the president disclosed that other countries have been preparing their own caves . obviously this means that the other countries were informed a long time ago  and you can ', t be serious to say that nobody leaked the news to the media . in an important mission like that of the ` messiah ',  for that matter any mission  it is impossible that isn ', t sufficient fuel for an extra couple of hundred metres  needless to say tens of kilometres . this is not deep impact ? it ', s a frivolous cheap impact . but even with all that  some overacting  and a 3 . 4 rating  it ', s still watchable  just don ', t think about it . okay ?
neg don ', t let this movie fool you into believing the romantic noirs of william shakespeare . no one will truly understand the heart and soul of this man except through his work  and this movie makes a vain attempt at that . any moves to ? glamorise ', his life  which hollywood has an annoying tendency to do  will only subtract from his achievement rather than expound on his greatness . this movie about his life  although well written  puts too much make - up on a man whose life was probably more pork and potatoes  rather than lobster and champagne . oh well  let ', s fantasise onwards an assume that he was a bit of a flirtatious play - write  who falls in love with a beautiful woman ( gwyneth paltrow ) and from her inspiration  several plays develop - ? romeo and juliet ',  and ? the twelfth night ', . it is easier for me to believe that he had a wet dream and that ', s how all his plays develop  but please spare me all of this unnecessary melodrama . but i guess my version probably wouldn ', t draw a crowd or make a dollar on screen . so is there any justification in romanticising the man shakespeare  when all we need to do is read his work in order to find his soul . i think not . as for the oscars were they deserved by this movie ? i think not . in many aspects ? private ryan ', and ? life is beautiful ', were far superior movies  but one should never assume that this should be a criteria for winning an oscar  as time and again  for reasons unexplained  an undeserving movie will win the accolade . another sore point is the fact that gwyneth won the best female lead  over a more polished cate  but i guess if you go on enough about your grandfather dying and your nephew being hospitalised - people will start feeling sorry for you .
neg it ', s a good thing most animated sci - fi movies come from japan  because " titan a . e . " is proof that hollywood doesn ', t have a clue how to do it . i don ', t know what this film is supposed to be about . from what i can tell it ', s about a young man named kale who ', s one of the last survivors of earth in the early 31st century who unknowingly possesses the key to saving and re - generating what is left of the human race . that ', s a fine premise for an action - packed sci - fi animated movie  but there ', s no payoff . the story takes the main characters all over the galaxy in their search for a legendary ship that the evil " dredge " aliens want to destroy for no apparent reason . so in the process we get a lot of spaceship fights  fistfights  blaster fights and more double - crosses than you can shake a stick at . there ', s so much pointless sci - fi banter it ', s too much to take . the galaxy here is a total rip - off of the " star wars " universe the creators don ', t bother filling in the basic details which makes the story confusing  the characters unmotivated and superficial and the plot just plain boring . despite the fantastic animation and special effects  it ', s just not an interesting movie .
neg in the year 2029  captain leo davidson ( mark wahlberg  " boogie nights " ) is training ', his ', chimp pericles to pilot a pod from the usaf oberon space station . when an electromagnetic storm is encountered and pericles ', pod is lost  davidson sets out unauthorized and lands thousands of years in the future on the " planet of the apes . " maybe if 20th century fox had set the proverbial 100 chimps in front of typewriters they would have gotten a better results than this adaptation of the pierre boulle novel by william broyles jr . ( " cast away " )  and lawrence konner & mark d . rosenthal ( " mighty joe young " ) . director tim burton ', s unique look and style are nowhere to be found in this silly  pointless remake . davidson no sooner lands than he finds himself being swarmed by savages running in terror  whom he wisely joins . however  he ', s rounded up with the lot of them by the apes which rule this plant and handed over to slave trader limbo ( paul giamatti  " duets " ) . ari ( helena bonham carter  " fight club " )  daughter of the illustrious senator sandar ( david warner  " titanic " ) and simian bleeding heart  believes humans should live with apes on equal standing  an unpopular notion . she takes a liking to leo  who she deems ', unusual . ', general thade ( tim roth  " lucky numbers " ) is of the opposite opinion  wishing for declaration of martial law that will allow him to annihilate the race . he ', s sweet on ari . it ', s relatively easy to see where this ', new ', story is going from the onset  yet its ultimate revelation has gaping logic holes . the much ballyhooed ', surprise ', ending is a nonsensical let down . an attempt at a love triangle  conveyed by ari and the human daena ( estella warren  " driven " ) giving each other ', back off ', looks over leo  fails because he never develops a relationship with either of them . the lone sex scene is some hilarious foreplay between elder orangutan senator nado ( glenn shadix ) and his trophy wife nova ( burton ', s squeeze  lisa marie ) . guffaws will also likely greet charlton heston ', s cameo as thade ', s father  the one ape harboring a firearm ( ! ) who sputters some very familiar lines before dying . the only real success of the 2001 " planet of the apes " is rick baker ', s makeup  and even that ', s an iffy affair . no attempt was made to change the human whiteness of the actors ', eyes  a real distraction amidst some otherwise impressive work . roth  warner and michael clarke duncan ( as thade ', s right hand man attar ) are given the most impressive makeovers . giamatti looks more like a skull than an ape and the female apes are too humanized to be given sexual appeal . tim roth delivers the most impressive acting job by getting the body language right - his nasty chimpanzee character leaps about  most spectacularly when mounting his steed  but even ', s he ', s undone by some obvious wire work . bonham carter delivers a goodly range of emotion from behind a stiff prosthetic  but is undone in turn by the silliness of the writing . most of the film has a set bound look which no amount of mist can cover . the ape ', s city resembles a dank complex of tree houses . the apes ', military costumes ( colleen atwood  " sleepy hollow " ) as well as their field tents are reminiscent of eiko ishioka ', s work on coppola ', s " dracula . " that oriental flavor is also found in danny elfman ', s tribal  percussive score . " planet of the apes " was the last blockbuster hope for the summer of 2001  a dismal movie season that ', s going to the dogs .
neg writing a screenplay for a thriller is hard . harder than pouring concrete under the texas sun . harder than building a bridge over troubled waters . and incidentally  a whole heck of a lot harder than writing a movie review . thrillers are all variations on a theme . you have a smart  resourceful  and powerful bad guy  who has a goal he has to meet . you have a noble and brave good guy  who has to protect the innocent  kill the bad guy  and not get killed himself in the process . the trick of thriller writing is doing all of this in an interesting and novel manner . this simple formula can lead to classic movies like north by northwest  high noon  or silence of the lambs  or big summer blockbusters like men in black  the fugitive  or air force one  or it can lead to utter dreck like masterminds  event horizon  kull the conqueror . . . . is anyone else getting depressed here ? point is  it ', s not enough to follow the formula . you ', ve got to throw in something extra  something good and new and better than the last version . something to surprise and move all of us people who buy the tickets and the popcorn and the happy meals . this is a hard thing to do  but it is absolutely necessary in every way . without that something extra -- whether it ', s a great plot or a well - written screenplay  or great special effects or great locations or great casting or great performances or great big hungry dinosaurs -- the movie fails . that ', s why the jackal  with all its starpower  with all its budget  with all its hype  gets a big fat f . bruce willis is the bad guy  the jackal  a legendary killer for hire . richard gere is the good guy  a former ira assassin with a vendetta against the jackal . the jackal is trying to kill someone . gere is trying to stop him . will gere be able to stop the assassination in time and kill the jackal ? ( i ', ll give you three guesses  and the first two don ', t count . ) there are no surprises awaiting the audience in the jackal  no moment when you say to yourself  " i wonder what happens next ? " the script for the jackal isn ', t ripped straight from today ', s headlines . it ', s ripped off  straight from an episode of millennium . throughout the movie  we learn what the jackal ', s plans are and how he intends to accomplish them . no surprise . the fun of a movie like this should come from richard gere figuring out what the jackal ', s plan is and developing a clever plan to foil the bad guy . instead  we get two ( count ', em  two ) scenes where gere is sitting in an fbi conference room somewhere and instantly divines the jackal ', s plan just as if he ', s frank black ( or more likely  just as if he ', s been handed a copy of the script ) . and we never get more than a superficial clue as to why gere has had this flash of insight . it ', s like gere ', s character is psychic  but neither he nor the fbi ( or the screenwriters ) seem to know it . and just like in millennium  the bad guy has an overwhelming need to go after the people the good guy cares about  whether or not they are important to what he ', s trying to do or not . what ', s more  in the last half of the movie  the jackal  supposedly a super - smart professional terrorist who never makes a mistake  comes down with a major case of the stupids . as for the performances . . . bruce willis manages to get through the whole movie without a wisecrack  which is a major achievement  but not enough reason to see the movie . his disguises are good  but not as good or as interesting as val kilmer ', s in the saint . richard gere is made to talk the entire movie in an irish accent  which detracts from his otherwise lifeless and dull performance . sidney poitier is probably the most disappointing element in a overwhelmingly disappointing movie -- not that his performance is bad or anything  it ', s not  but it is sad that hollywood won ', t use this talented actor in any part other than an fbi agent ( shoot to kill  sneakers ) . writing a good plot and a good screenplay  like i said  is hard  but it can be done . it wasn ', t done here . it is our job as consumers to reward good screenplays and to denounce bad and uninteresting ones . do not go see this movie . you ', ll only encourage the producers to make more just like it . instead  stay home and rent day of the jackal  or in the line of fire  or a fire safety video  for crying out loud . anything other than the jackal  which lives up to its name by gnawing the dead bones of other  better movies .
neg all right  all right  we get the point : despite all similarities to the best - selling story  speechless is * not * based on the romance between 1992 presidential campaign rivals james carville and mary matalin . in fact  the script was in development well before 1992 . still  the comparisons are inevitable  until one realizes a critical difference . no  it ', s not that the speechless twosome are speech writers  not campaign managers ; it ', s that carville and matalin ', s story is actually interesting . speechless is a limp  poorly structured would - be romantic comedy . speechless is set during a new mexico senatorial campaign  where kevin vallick ( michael keaton ) and julia mann ( geena davis ) meet and get romantic one night when neither one can sleep . what neither one realizes is that they are on opposite sides of the campaign : kevin is a sit - com writer brought in to punch up the republican candidate ', s speeches  while julia is the chief speech writer for the democratic candidate . at first each one believes that the other has an ulterior motive for the relationship  but eventually they let down their guard and become closer . but there are plent of obstacles in the way  including julia ', s stud - reporter fiance ( christopher reeve ) and a series of stunts which continue to prove that all ', s fair in love and politics . the standard formula for a movie like speechless would have the two principles starting out as antagonists and realizing only at the end that they ', re crazy about each other . screenwriter robert king completely subverts expectations by throwing kevin and julia into each other ', s arms in the first fifteen minutes  then developing the antagonism . it ', s a noble attempt to shake things up  but unfortunately it just doesn ', t work . part of the fun of watching sparring in a romantic comedy comes from recognizing the chemistry even before the characters do  but in speechless they already know they ', re attracted to each other  and we ', re left with waiting for the campaign to end so they ', ll admit that they love each other already . there is such a herky - jerky feel to the constant bickering and making up that even king ', s sharp dialogue can ', t prevent speechless from becoming repetitive after about half an hour . inconsistency is also the defining characteristic of the performances of geena davis and michael keaton  and with those performances most of their scenes together . the problems begin with their initial courtship  which does virtually nothing to establish julia ', s character and merely establishes that kevin is a wise - ass . davis is radiantly beautiful  and keaton is generally entertaining  but these characters are so plastic that nothing that happens to them seems to matter one bit . in a couple of scenes  like a quiet moment sitting at a fountain  they actually achieve some measure of connection . for the most part  however  they ', re just actors spouting lines . you keep waiting for a little spark  and it never happens . perhaps most disappointing is that king and director ron underwood completely waste their premise by removing all the punch from speechless ', s politics . the setting seems perfect for a high - energy battle of the sexes with partisanship thrown into the mix  but that ', s never the tone that underwood is going for . he wants a warm  fuzzy romance compatible with marc shaiman ', s flute - and - wind musical score  and the campaign which should have defined the conflict between kevin and julia fades into the background . it might as well have been a story about rival grocers  and every single character is about as uninspired as he or she could possibly be . i was about the only reviewer in the civilized world who seemed to enjoy robert king ', s previous screenplay  the dana carvey flop clean slate  so i had some hopes for speechless . but while there is wit in the words  this is a script which was probably much better on paper . on screen  it ', s still paper thin .
neg teenagers have a lot of power in hollywood . every year countless films will be made targeting that audience in particular  and rely on the entire teenage population to turn out on friday and saturday nights  wallets in hand . the formula is very simple  you make a film with a big name young actor or actress with sex appeal . you add a high school environment that features everyone from prom queens to math club nerds  and then a very simple relationship conflict that can be worked out in 90 minutes  the typical teenage attention span . the response is enormous as this part of the population will waste it92s money on almost any = film set in an environment they can relate to  and  most importantly  they don92t care to judge films = 92 quality  so any piece of trash will = due . that is just what never been kissed  the latest film from director raja gosnell  is ; trash . josie geller ( drew barrymore ) is the youngest copy editor in the history of the chicago sun times . she has her own personal assistant  unlimited supplies  and her own office . but she is very much dismayed with her position in life . there is nothing she wants more than to be a reporter and go out into the field  where she can play a more active role in the chicago media . so when an assignment is quite literally thrown at her out of nowhere  she jumps at it with elation . constantly smothering josie in the work place is her friend anita ( molly shannon ) and her amicable superior  gus ( john c . reilly ) . the two of them are both stricken with horror upon hearing the news of her first assignment  as they both deem her to be an office worker and not a reporter . however  since this film is aimed at a teenage audience with little patience for character conflict  this otherwise interesting scenario is resolved within two minutes  and josie is headed for the field . obviously  the field assignment involves a high school . specifically  she is to become an undercover reporter at a high school  by enrolling in the senior class and " becoming one of them . " i don92t think that i = need to even begin to explain all the impossibilities of this situation ever occurring  so i won92t . the movie develops into josie trying to find the life that she never led in high school . interwoven flashback scenes show us just how much of a dork she truly was  and she appears to be heading down that road again . fortunately for this lame production  other characters do appear that make some of these high school scenes both humorous and remotely interesting . they include the predictable love stories  between both a student ( jeremy jordan ) and a teacher ( michael vartan )  to show that josie is really two people in one body . also  her younger brother and opposite  rob ( david arquette ) comes into her new found life and even causes a rare scene that is mildly provocative . the humor found in this film is actually quite amusing . typical for teenage films  it is chalk full of sexual innuendoes and condom humor . one scene in particular features a certain classroom activity involving bananas and latex that is absolutely hysterical . most of the other jokes are straight forward high school humor that anyone who has ever been to high school can appreciate and will enjoy . but those still don92t = recover for the total lack of quality in this movie . following this trend of high school movie rules  comes the general acting . it is even worse than the trend of overplaying a scenario from film to film . in this case  drew barrymore is absolutely painful to watch . she is required to play her character on two levels  having some very black and white transitions . and although some scenes are written to be particular shades of gray  she seems to hold that color throughout all of her screen time . at one point she is alone with an obvious love interest on a ferris wheel  and is expected to him on an adult level  since he is one  her teacher . but she never seems to get out of the gray area  and in doing so she makes a mockery out of his otherwise good performance . following barrymore is the pitiful molly shannon ( saturday night live ) . she seems to be limited to playing an ecstatic character that no one can relate to  and draws the attention of an audience as simply unrealistic . it is these " qualities " that prevent the aforementioned condom scene from being one of the few decent . luckily there is one great performance to emerge out of this otherwise bleak film . david arquette ( scream ) takes home the prize for being able to stand out in an ensemble performance that is absolutely pathetic  and not have his brilliant acting ruined . and as a central character he gets to take on his own mini - plot  which is one of the few well done parts of never been kissed . in a dazzling cherry - on - the - sundae type piece of work  he does an absolutely hilarious tom cruise impression from the 1983 hit  risky business . never been kissed is a mediocre film at best . the predictable plot has become so overplayed in hollywood  that it is sickening to watch time and again  and this film is no exception . the acting is just as bad  but there is the one positive presence of david arquette to add some light . unfortunately  the bottom line is that the movie will be a success  because teenagers will pay to see any trash .
neg walken stars as a mobster who is kidnapped and held for ransom by four bratty rich kids . it seems that a woman has also been kidnapped -- she is the sister of one of them ( e . t . ', s henry thomas ) and the girlfriend of another ( flannery ) -- and the asking price is $ 2 million  which said snots are unable to cough up alone . they even cut off walken ', s finger to show they mean business  because they are desperate to save the woman ', s life . suicide kings is a terrible film . walken aside  there isn ', t a single appealing cast member . o ', fallon creates characters that are functional types without any resonance . in an amusingly unironic scene  walken plays poker with the foursome and describes each of their personalities to a tee -- it ', s as if he was reading the summary sheet for a casting director . the plot is another issue entirely . o ', fallon is someone whom i ', m betting has seen reservoir dogs and the usual suspects too many times  for not only does his story veer off on bizarre tangents from whence they never return ( do we really need the scene where dennis leary beats up an abusive father with a toaster  which is entirely unrelated to both the story and leary ', s character  or the numerous anecdotal sequences ? )  but the central plot itself is a serpentine mess  filled with crosses and double crosses and triple crosses . . . by the fourth big revelation / twist  i had completely tuned out  wondering what on earth attracted these actors to the material . recently a peer  a fellow young filmmaker  informed me that he had an idea for a movie about four guys  the mob  and the fbi . it occurred to me then what ', s wrong with indies like suicide kings : i suspect o ', fallon has never met a mobster  is not a rich man  doesn ', t deliver endless " clever " monologues to his friends about his favourite types of boots . . . in short  these guys are just riffing on other movies  and in doing that  making the same film over and over and over again . tarantino found his niche and now hundreds of genxers with movie cameras are trying to find tarantino ', s niche instead of carving their own . - reviewed at the toronto international film festival
neg > from writer and director darren stein comes jawbreaker  the poorly told tale of what can happen when an innocent birthday prank goes wrong . at reagan high  four girls are sitting on top of the world . courtney shane  played by rose mcgowan  holds the title of meanest  most disrespectful soul in the school . everyone hates her  but everyone envies her due to her popularity . courtney is the " leader " of her clique  which also includes julie  played by rebecca gayheart  liz purr  played by charlotte roldan  and marcie  played by julie benz are the other three in the group . it is liz ', s seventeenth birthday  and julie  courtney  and marcie concur that they will play a seemingly innocent prank on her  but the prank results in the death of liz . just like stupid teens in any teen directed film such as this one  the foursome decide to cover up the death to make it look like a murder committed by someone else . and also just like in other teen directed movies  one of the four don ', t agree with hiding it  this time that character being julie . and finally  just like in other teen movies  there is a witness outside the group trying to hide the truth . this time that character being fern mayo ( judy greer )  who is subject to many cracks from courtney ', s group  as well as the entire school . > from here  jawbreaker turns into a predictable tale of revenge  bad morals  and at least trying to do the right thing . not only is the script weak  on a whole the acting is horrid thanks to a large amount of the main cast . judy greer is undeniably awful as her one dimensional  annoying character  as she overacts every line she has . also on the bad side of acting is julie benz  almost falling to the annoying factor that greer delivers . on the positive side of acting  rose mcgowan performs well here  but doesn ', t match her wickedly clever performance as " tatum "  in 1996 ', s scream . mcgowan ', s role is annoying  but this only adds to the film . she is wickedly mean  and even though she a well - written character  you downright hate her . faring even better than mcgowan is rebecca gayheart  who is always exceptionally believable as her roles . when the script feeds her a one or two dimensional character  she turns it into three  always putting strong emotion and power into her roles . gayheart isn ', t given as much to do here as she was in 1998 ', s urban legend  but you can still get a strong taste of her acting skills in jawbreaker . jawbreaker drifts and mianders different sub plots throughout  hardly throwing anything for the viewer to get absorbed in . we get way off of the topic of the jawbreaker incident  and get into things that don ', t have anything to do with the actual film . the beginning and ending are strong  it ', s just the middle that needs a lot of help . during the body of the movie  it is undeniably repetitive  never progressing towards a conclusion . nothing to grab the viewer ', s interest is around  and the same  extremely annoying song plays over and over again . jawbreaker tries to get off on the same time of humor used in the 1995 film clueless  but falls flat . the few gags that actually work die off quickly and die off with a bang . all in all  a horrible disappointment . the bottom line : the tagline reads  " even the sweetest candies are sour as death inside . " yes  that is too true . no matter how good this film may have looked  it fails to deliver .
neg well there goes another one . sadly this like other movies this year wasn ', t good . this one being almost as bad as ', the omega code ', but not quite . from the opening credits i had a good feeling this would be bad  and well i guess i was right . with bad excuses for acting  a horrible screenplay and straight - out bad direction ', the bachelor ', is a terribly unfunny movie that doesn ', t work on any levels accept that fact that rene zellwegar who does give a good performance . the two cameos by brooke shields and mariah carey are also good with brooke being the best . the movie is troubled from the start because chris o ', donnell is hugely miscast and gives one of the worst performances to date . here is the stupid plot : chris o ', donnell plays jimmie shelton a man who has just broken up with his girlfriend  he meets anne ( rene zellwegar ) they instantly hit it off and are together for three years . jimmie decides that he wants to bring their relationship a little bit up . he really doesn ', t realize that anne thinks he wants to marry her ( what he wants i never did catch ) . so he proposes in a really bad way  and she shoots him down and is very mad . he of course tries to apologize but nothing seems to help any . then his grandfather dies and he learns that he has left jimmie 100 million dollars . . . . as long as he marries before the next day at 6 : 05 pm . now jimmie must find anne and try to marry her to get the money and because he loves her  or get married to someone else to get the money itself  leading to an un - funny and predictable ending that leaves a bad taste in our mouths . ok so maybe this could be one of the dumbest  cliched  silliest romantic comedy to date that has no real big laughs . even the supporting roles of artie lange  hal holbrook and ed anser aren ', t even good . the plot was a good idea  but the script would have to have been written in less than five minutes and by a five year old . the choppy dialogue and bad directing don ', t help things any . even though chris o ', donnell gave an ok performance in the two batman movies  he does not give even a remotely good or funny performance here and i wanted to boo and throw my pop at the screen to get rid of him . rene zelweggar is a different story and gave a charming  sweet and likable performance ( as usual ) and really was the only thing that saved this confused movie from being a total huge washout . her sister played by marley shelton is also good and the two have good chemistry onscreen . brooke shields showed up in a funny little performance as a big - headed mogul who after a while became routine and old . one really can ', t help but think that we have seen this stuff before . it ', s not like this is an original idea and in the end  everyone knows what is going to happen due do its cliches and typicalness . ', the bachelor ', works on no good levels and in fact doesn ', t work at all . ed anser and hal holbrook were wasted in terrible roles and mariah carey can not act to save her soul  and this could be the only film of her movie career dispite her terrific music career . chris o ', donnell is not as bad an actor as casper van dien but that is not saying a great deal . he seems held back and really doesn ', t get into his character much and after even the first 30 minutes gets annoying and old . artie lange just to me seems like he is trying to another chris farley and was completely unfunny and un - nerving . why the filmmakers would want to waste such a cast in such a bad movie  with such bad acting and dialogue is a question only they will know . maybe they thought it would become a hit or a critical success  and sometimes i don ', t agree with other critics on movies  even from the trailers for this film they made it look bad and showed all the mildly funny parts . its based on the 1925 silent film ', seven chances ', which i am sure is very better than this mess . even though some may think of this as a good date movie  most who see this will want to pull out thier hair and scream for thier money back . besides being a terrible movie  ', the bachelor ', is well a terrible movie . it has nothing worth recommending therefore i really can ', t recommend this movie . i did not have a good time and i laughed only three times . the running time of the movie is 106 minutes which is wayyyy over time and needs to be shortened at least thirty minutes . parts of it seems to go on forever and parts of seem to not last enough time . being one of the worst movies of the year  we can be sure that i hope they will not make anymore stupid unfunny romantic comedies  and if they do they i give up on filmmakers .
neg my inner flag was at half - mast last year when nick at nite pulled " dragnet " reruns off the air . sure  i ', d seen them all at least once  but i could always count on at least a few inadvertent laughs from ultra - serious jack webb when there was nothing else on tv . even though " dragnet " is out of circulation at the moment  we webb anti - fans still have the d . i .  a 50 ', s propaganda piece for the military that is almost as hilarious as the famous " blue boy " episode of " dragnet . " for anyone like me who got laughs out of webb ', s rapid - fire speeches and straight - faced seriousness  think of the d . i . as what would happen if sgt . joe friday ever enlisted  because he plays exactly the same character here  a no - nonsense old fart who looks with disdain at the younger generation and loves to give long - winded  melodramatic speeches on any topic . in this election year  i ', m more convinced than ever that webb and bob dole were separated at birth . the movie opens in characteristic fashion as one recruit after another knocks on webb ', s office door and enters . he gives each one a different series of cranky criticisms before the credits come up . the " produced and directed by jack webb " card pretty much goes without saying . this is his movie all the way  and after the first twenty minutes of him chewing out his recruits for no reason  i was wondering if there would even be a plot . i certainly would have been entertained by an hour and a half of trademark webb rants  but the d . i . gives us more -- much more . webb ', s mission is to make a man out of private owens  the local screw - up . the captain gives webb three days to convert owens into marine material or  the captain will " personally cut the lace off his panties and ship him out myself . " ( whether the " lace panties " part refers to webb or owens remains unanswered . ) this  of course  gives webb an excuse to focus all his crotchety energy on making owens ', life a living hell . for those of you who haven ', t been indoctrinated into the pleasures of webb watching  here ', s a reprint of a typical monologue of his . i can ', t duplicate his hilarious delivery on paper  but the words should at least partially convey what i ', m talking about . . . " now you listen to me  youngster . someday you ', ll wake up fighting on a beach and you ', ll pray to god somebody doesn ', t get killed because of your foolishness . . . i ', ve got a headline for you : every time you make one of those little mistakes of yours  you ', re gonna turn around and i ', ll be standing right there . " i couldn ', t write down all the reprintable dialogue from the d . i . ( nearly all of it belongs in the bad movie hall of fame )  but i tried to include some of the more noteworthy lines  like one from the scene where webb unwinds from a hard day ', s work by going to the local bar ( where he orders a tomato juice ) . he meets a woman who  coincidentally  also orders tomato juice but walks away from a typically - stimulating conversation with webb to flirt with his arch - rival  another marine d . i . webb marches over to the table  gets up in her face and says  " just what kind of a dame do you think you are ? " bogart he ain ', t . the other d . i . gets one of the few memorable non - webb lines when he confesses to the girl  " he ', s a damn good d . i . . . . i guess i ', m just a little jealous . " join the club  we ', re all jealous of jack webb ', s way with women  which is showcased even more amusingly in a later scene  as webb finds his way to the woman ', s place of employment  a lingerie store  and stands around looking incredibly flustered at the negligees on display . " you expect me to talk to you . . . in _here_ ? ! " he exclaims  no doubt intimidated by the barrage of bras . the woman goes off to help a customer  leaving webb to fend for himself once again in this palace of estrogen . a little girl spots him in the store and demands  " what are you doing in here . . . you ', re a man  aren ', t you ? " he doesn ', t reply  but you know he ', s thinking in his head  " what an odd species of human -- so small . must be one of those children everyone ', s been talking about . " this poor girl  scarred for life by her early encounter with jack webb  would later swear off the male gender entirely  just one of the many lesbian conversions he ', s responsible for . the movie doesn ', t focus too closely on webb ', s romance  it also continues the owens subplot with probably the most memorable scene in the entire movie  where webb forces his platoon to spend the entire night searching the ground for a flea owens killed during one of their drills . after two privates hatch a scheme to present webb with the wrong dead flea  webb asks owens  " was that flea you killed a male or female ? " owens replies  " a male  sir . " webb yells to the platoon  " this ain ', t the one ! " that such a scene ( along with the rest of the movie ) was intended to be taken seriously defies comment . but we know it was all presented with the utmost seriousness when a title card at the end thanks the marines not only for their cooperation in the making of the d . i .  but for iwo jima  guadalcanal and every other major battle of the first half of the 20th century . webb held the military in such high esteem that all the soldiers in the movie ( with the exception of owens ) were played by actual marines . someone wanting to parody this movie couldn ', t do a more comical job than webb did . it makes it all the more ironic ( like raeeyain on your wedding day ) that the man had no sense of humor himself . there ', s a scene in the movie where the guys are on their break time discussing something and one of them breaks into laughter . webb bursts in the room and shouts  " what did i tell you about laughing ? ! " to which the private replies  " sir  only nine - year - old girls laugh  sir ! " and let me tell you  i was as happy as a nine - year - old girl while watching this movie .
neg frank detorri ', s ( bill murray ) a single dad who lives on beer and junk food with no apparent understanding of sanitation or hygiene  much to the dismay of his preteen daughter shane ( elena franklin ) . when he uses the ', 10 second rule ', to retrieve a hard boiled egg from a chimp ', s cage at the zoo and downs it  he introduces a lethal bacteria into his system . inside his skin  the city of frank is in turmoil thanks to the vote - pandering of mayor phlegmming ( voice of william shatner )  so it ', s up to one frank pd white blood cell ( voice of chris rock ) to save the day in peter and bobby farrelly ', s " osmosis jones . " the city of frank is a brightly animated ( animation directed by piet kroon and tom sito ) cellular municipality where osmosis jones is a typical rogue cop looking for another chance . he ', s inadvertently teamed up with drix ( voice of david hyde pierce  tv ', s " frasier " )  a cold capsule with 12 hours worth of painkillers to dispense . this quarrelling duo are about to go on a " fantastic voyage " in order to hunt down thrax ( voice of laurence fishburne )  the virus intent on shutting down frank . while the animation is certainly colorful to look at  osmosis jones ', story is a hackneyed one . the story cries out for puny puns  but we only get occasional sprinklings of wit or bodily humor ( drix graduated phi beta capsule  he departs on a bus headed for bladder ) . neither the hero or villain is particularly interesting ( thrax looks like an animated " predator " )  although hyde pierce is a delightful sidekick . adults can desperately keep their eyes peeled for small amusements the animators dot along the landscape . meanwhile  back in live action land  bill murray is reduced to nothing more than a walking gross - out joke . there ', s no particular enjoyment to be found watching him vomit on molly shannon ( she plays shane ', s teacher  mrs . boyd ) or hoisting his ingrown toenail onto a restaurant table . one must wonder how the climatic flatlining of a child ', s father will play to the family audience as well . rest assured  the whole enchilada is wrapped up with a fart joke . while far less offensive than the farrelly ', s last effort " me  myself and irene  " that film at least spiked some comic highs with jim carrey ', s hijinx . " osmosis jones " will probably be ok for the kids  but the farrellys playing for the family audience is like watching marilyn manson croon a phil collins tune .
neg woof ! too bad that leap of faith was the title of a 1992 comedy starring steve martin and debra winger  because that ', s what ', s required to watch this incredulous howler starring bruce willis as -- of all things -- a psychologist . not since the reagan administration has there been an acting stretch of such magnitude ! alas  mickey rourke  we hardly knew ye . story opens with a campy kick -- willis is treating a patient who abruptly steps out of the window to take the best flying leap since charles durning dove in the hudsucker proxy . she goes splat  he goes ugh  and his character spends the rest of the film colorblind . really . the good doctor then moves to sunny l . a .  where he rooms with an old college chum ( scott bakula )  a therapist who ', s getting death threats from someone in his monday evening group . buddy bites it in the second reel ( no surprise there ) and willis agrees to take over both the group and the death threats . for his troubles as therapy man  willis gets to share some cut - from - nc17 love scenes with the lover ', s jane march while dodging nails  cars  and rattlesnakes . why ', d it have to be snakes ? color of night is the worst movie of the year . period . forget north  clifford  or  heaven help us  even on deadly ground . here is a movie misfire so audaciously awful that you can ', t help but wonder how the actors all kept straight faces while filming . for starters  the " group " is a collection of mixed nuts better suited to bob newhart than bruce willis . these are realistic portrayals of the mentally unhealthy ? playing a prissy obsessive / compulsive  cuckoos nest alumni brad dourif  alone  may set the psychology profession back ten years . the plot ', s a wreck with laughable dialogue  pointless pov shifts  and the one big secret solvable in the first fifteen minutes . director richard rush  who once helmed freebie and the bean  doesn ', t seem to mind . unfazed by the nincompoop plot and cuckoo characterizations  he overfills the film with enough canny camera shots and zany set - pieces to make the effort almost worth watching . his token freeway chase is ok  but the director has more fun with a vertiginous ending ala ( most recently ) fatal analysis . acting credits are across - the - board awful . willis can be forgiven because he ', s filming die hard 3 as we speak . but what about ruben blades insulting presence as the cop ? or lesley ann warren ', s stereotypical sex addict ? or worst offender jane march as a mystery - girl - who ', s - no - real - mystery ? shudder . bottom line : how they all kept straight faces  i ', ll never know .
neg there ', s only one presidential election every four years  but it seems like every few months we get another presidential conspiracy movie painted as _the_ thriller of the year . in 1997  we ', ve had absolute power  air force one  shadow conspiracy and murder at 1600 . this one is about as lame duck as old gerald ford  trying to bring us a complex plot of cover - up and intrigue but copping out over and over again with rehashes of action flick standbys . here ', s what happens this time . it ', s night at the white house . a secretary is having sex with some unidentified guy with a cute butt . the next day she ', s dead and hotshot detective wesley snipes is called in . how do we know he ', s a hotshot ? we ', ve seen the traditional action flick opener -- the clever hostage negotiation scene . it ', s not so clever this time  consisting of snipes disarming a suicidal ex - government employee holding a gun to his head in the middle of the street . snipes is off to the white house  where he finds the secret service head ( the shiny bald head of daniel benzali ) won ', t cooperate with him at all . in fact  if not for the intervention of national security adviser alan alda  snipes wouldn ', t have been allowed in the white house at all . alda helps snipes out further  assigning a sexy secret service agent ( diane lane ) to act as his liaison . . . a very dangerous liaison . well  not really  i just wanted to say that . almost immediately  a suspect is found  an eccentric night janitor seen flirting with the deceased on one of the security videos . snipes doesn ', t buy it  and launches into an independent investigation of his own  one that reveals planted evidence and romantic involvement by the president ', s son . snipes ', partner  an always - wisecracking dennis miller  calls him up every once in awhile with more news and lane  who at first doesn ', t believe snipes  eventually and predictably comes around  and risks her ass to break into social security storage and break out some classified information . for the first hour or so  murder at 1600 looks like it could be going somewhere interesting . sure  we have to sit through the lame opening sequence and plenty more lame scenes after that  but the whole murder in the white house thing makes for an interesting premise that is never quite delivered upon . snipes and lane don ', t make for a bad action team  but with nothing to work with  they ', re just cogs in the bad movie machine . dennis miller might as well not even be in the movie ; they waste his talents more in murder at 1600 than they did in bordello of blood  and that ', s saying a lot . when you get to the last half - hour  the movie has descended metaphorically and literally into a wet sewer  busting out the old break - into - the - building underground climax . and when they finally reveal who killed the woman and why  you ', ll wish you never sat through this movie at all . the " 1600 " in the movie ', s title doesn ', t represent an address  it represents the number of satisfied customers worldwide . serving the world for nearly 1 / 25th of a century !
neg ah  and 1999 was going along so well  too . " she ', s all that " has the dubious distinction of being the worst movie i ', ve seen so far this year . and quite frankly  i doubt i ', ll see anything equally bad . ( at least  i * hope * i don ', t see anything equally bad ) . " she ', s all that " tells the story of the most popular guy in school ( played by freddie prinze jr . ) who accepts a bet to transform the geekiest girl in school ( rachel leigh cook ) into the most popular . that  right there  is problem # 1 . how many times have we seen this storyline ? as cook comments near the end of the film  " it ', s kind of like " pretty woman "  except without the prostitution " . of course  had the filmmakers attempted to try something new with this material  the well - worn storyline would have been a device to propell the movie forward . as it is  though  " she ', s all that " relies * completely * on the lame and overused formula to push it ahead . there ', s not one original or interesting character in the film  either  and if that wasn ', t bad enough  there ', s not one good performance featured . the star of the movie  rachel leigh cook  is simply horrible . i usually don ', t like to get so personal  but in this case  i think it needs to be said . cook wears the same expression throughout the flick and looks to be having as miserable a time as i was . i was never convinced that she was a " nerd "  and her transformation was unconvincing and unnecessary . the movie seems to be saying it ', s better to be popular than to be who you are . as for freddie prinze jr .  an actor i ordinarily enjoy  he too is quite bad here . he coasts through the film on so - called charm  and never establishes a real character . kieren culkin is here  too  as the brother of cook . and for some indiscernable reason  he ', s got hearing aids . no explanation is given and they ', re never brought up . were we supposed to feel * sorry * for him just because he wore hearing aids ? i don ', t think so . that single element of the film was one of the most offensive things i ', ve seen in a movie in a long time . " she ', s all that " sucks . that ', s what it boils down to . it ', s not entertaining  and it ', s not even a good time passer . the hour and a half running time goes by slower than a 5 minute hair - removal system informercial . and what ', s worse  it sends out a bad message to teens . it appears to be telling them  " hey  it doesn ', t matter if you ', re happy the way you are . that ', s unimportant . if you want to * truly * be happy  dress in the latest fashions and act like a bubble - headed moron . " ugh .
neg michael robbins ', hardball is quite the cinematic achievement . in about two hours  we get a glancing examination of ghetto life  a funeral with a heartfelt eulogy  speeches about never giving up  a cache of cute kids ( including a fat one with asthma )  a hard - luck gambler who finds salvation in a good woman and a climactic " big game  " where the underdogs prove to have a bigger bite than anyone ever imagined . all that ', s needed is a guy getting hit in the nuts and a food fight to have the first film solely based on cinematic clich ? s . i can ', t wait to see the deleted scenes when it comes out on dvd . obviously  hardball is a strikeout of a movie that never gets the bat anywhere near the ball . it stars keanu reeves as the aforementioned gambler  who seems to owe every bookie in chicago an amount of money that rivals the gross national product of guam . out of solutions  he begs his successful corporate friend ( the always welcome mike mcglone ) to lend him $ 5  000 . instead  mcglone offers reeves the chance to help him coach a youth baseball team from the projects for a nice weekly stipend . reeves  who wants to keep his fingers  accepts the offer  but discovers mcglone is only too happy to let him handle the team entirely . the drowsy - voiced protagonist must teach the sassy inner city kids the baseball basics in a life of absentee parents and merciless gangs . and maybe  just maybe  they ', ll play in the big championship game . one of the glorious surprises in the screenplay by john gatins ( summer catch )  adapted from daniel coyle ', s non - fiction book  is that there aren ', t any . the movie coasts from heartfelt moment to heartfelt moment like a zombie . that wouldn ', t be so bad  if the characters had an ounce of subtlety or humanity to them . most of the kids ', time is spent yelling at each other  talking in slang and acting surprised . there ', s little that ', s naturally amusing about them  as they all seem to know the cameras are rolling . the worst of the lot is a tough - talking younger player ( dewayne warren ) whose sole purpose  as the movie unfolds  is being an emotional pawn  a tactic so utterly despicable i can ', t find the right words to express myself . the adults also don ', t fare well . reeves is impressively uninspiring as the down - on - his - luck loser . the character is poorly written  but reeves gives another charisma - free performance . every time he speaks  he sounds like he just got up from a long nap and is gradually waking up . kids are supposed to rally around this guy ? diane lane  who co - stars as reeves ', obligatory love interest  remains a glowing screen presence ( see my dog skip for better proof ) . it ', s too bad that her role here consists of uttering lines like  " these kids trust you  and they don ', t trust anyone ! " then there ', s d . b . sweeney as an evil rival coach and john hawkes as reeves ', scummy betting buddy and other unoriginal characters you ', ve seen before and hope never to see again . i wanted hardball to be good . robbins ', varsity blues was a funny and alternately taut tale of texas high school football that had ali larter smothered in whipped cream and jon voight sneering at everything that moved . i haven ', t seen robbins ', goofy ready to rumble in its entirety  but i am intrigued that " macho man " randy savage and martin landau can exist in the same movie without there being serious worldwide repercussions . robbins obviously needs to go back to his forte -- making sports movies for guys and not cutesy  cuddly pap such as hardball  which also manages to annoy and insult the audience . here ', s hoping that happens in the immediate future .
neg you know something  christmas is not about presents . it ', s about over - hyped holiday films with lots of merchandising and product tie - ins . at least that would seem to be the message of " the grinch  " which has been advertised since last christmas and whose logo is currently plastered all over stores . hollywood expects us to ignore this cynical greed as the movie scolds us about losing the true spirit of the season . you know the plot : there ', s this evil furry green guy called the grinch ( jim carrey ) who lives on a mountain overlooking whoville . down below all the whos are preparing for their whobilation  but the grinch is determined to steal their christmas . the movie is  of course  a live - action version of the beloved children ', s book  which was previously adapted into a 1966 tv special by looney tunes animator chuck jones . it ', s rare that a big budget hollywood release is shamed by a thirty - year - old half - hour cartoon  but that ', s the case when jones ', version is compared to ron howard ', s . the tv grinch hit all the right notes : boris karloff ', s soft  deep narration ; thurl ravenscroft singing " mr . grinch " ; max the dog weighed down by the gigantic antler tied to his head ; and the grinch ', s wide  toothless grin . by contrast  the movie hits one sour note after another . first  there are the numerous bad choices that jeffrey price and peter seaman made in padding out the short book into a 105 - minute movie . young wide - eyed cindy lou who ( taylor momsen ) is depressed about the misplaced priorities of her parents ( bill irwin and molly shannon ) during the holiday season . she begins to sympathize with the grinch  who turns out to be surprisingly sympathetic . cindy lou discovers that the grinch turned tearfully away from whoville in grammar school when he was publicly humiliated while expressing his love for the prettiest girl in the class  martha may whovier ( played as an adult by christine baranski ) . are we expected to like the grinch  hate the whos  and want him to steal christmas ? the grinch isn ', t even the villain here ; that role is filled by the corrupt mayor of whoville ( jeffrey tambor ) who was the grinch ', s rival for martha ', s affection . not only are the characters needlessly complex  but the once - simple plot becomes so convoluted that the actual theft of christmas seems like an afterthought . the casting choices aren ', t any better than the screenwriting decisions . jim carrey seems woefully miscast . while his face is so supple that the rubber make - up seems superfluous  carrey brings nothing else to the role . his accent keeps changing ; i assume he was shooting for karloff  but he ends up sounding like a weird slurry of richard nixon  sean connery  and cartman from " south park . " not knowing what else to do during his many scenes alone in the grinch ', s home  carrey falls back on his stand - up comedy and clowns around ace ventura - style . needless to say  his wise - cracking antics don ', t quite fit the character of the grinch  who is an embittered loner filled with hate . little taylor momsen brings little to role of cindy lou except big eyes and a cute smile . she would have been fine if cindy lou was limited to her original purpose in the seuss story ( finding " santa " in her living room stealing the tree ) . however  the expanded script makes cindy as important as the grinch  and momsen is not up to the challenge . bottom line : when you ', re stealing christmas ( movies )  leave this one behind .
neg in the mid - 1980s  following the splendid debut in hugh hudson ', s greystoke and relative success of first highlander film  it looked like christopher lambert ', s acting career might go somewhere . but  it wasn ', t meant to be  which became obvious following highlander ii . in this decade christopher lambert became associated with films with low budgets and even lower quality . very often such films were science fiction  which meant that the fans of that genre learned the hard way what to evade anything starring christopher lambert . whether it was because of real lack of talent  terrible miscasting or simple bad luck isn ', t important - the end result was almost always horrible . the same can be said for fortress  1993 science fiction film directed by stuart gordon  director who created cult following with his 1980s horror gorefests like reanimator and from beyond . the movie is set in 2018 . for some undisclosed reason  usa introduced strict population control and couples are barred from having more than one child . jake ( christopher lambert ) and karen brennick ( lori laughlin ) broke that law and are caught by authorities on the border . sentenced to 31 years in prison  they are both thrown into fortress  privately owned correctional facility  equiped with state - of - the - art futuristic technology and run by computer called zed . although equiped with gismos that regulate every aspect of inmates ', lives and make any escape impossible  prison authorities often use violence . jake survives many ordeals and earns respect of some inmates which would help him when he begins planing the escape . such escape should become necessity  because the warden poe ( kurtwood smith ) begins showing unhealthy interest in karen . after rather intriguing beginning and some interesting special effects that depict the futuristic settings of prison  this film soon starts sinking into mediocrity . the reason is in the screenplay that quickly degenerates into whole series of prison movie clich ? s and situations that are painfully predictable . by the time brennick begins his escape from fortress  those situations not only begin to look predictable  but utterly implausible too . of course  film never tried to explain why the country that lacks resources to support its present population happens to spend bucketloads of money on ultra - expensive supertechnology with sole intention of keeping alive most useless and dangerous members of the society . the initially interesting plot is done even more wrong by stereotyped characters  played by not too interested or talented actors . lori laughlin  although physically attractive  shows the acting ability of sequoia . kurtwood smith as prison warden is rather uninspired  capable of solid  yet forgettable performance . lambert ', s performance is also good  but even the bigger talent couldn ', t help this film  destined to end in oblivion .
neg susan granger ', s review of " the musketeer " ( universal pictures ) hollywood launches another assault on classic literature with this $ 50 million adaptation of alexandre dumas ', s novel that ', s strong on action but weak on drama  fusing hong kong martial arts with 17th century swordplay . the story chronicles the adventures of the dashing d ', artagnan ( justin chambers ) as he leaves his village of gascogne  headed for paris  to join king louis xiii ', s elite guard  the royal musketeers  and to search for the man who killed his parents 14 years earlier . this puts him in conflict with the formidable febre ( tim roth )  vicious henchman for conniving cardinal richelieu ( stephen rea ) . the traditional musketeer trio - aramis ( nick moran )  athos ( jan gregor kremp ) and porthos ( steve speirs ) - don ', t offer much help so he turns to the feisty francesca ( mena suvari )  chambermaid to the queen of france ( catherine deneuve ) . scripter gene quintano and director - cinematographer peter hyams are primarily interested in the derring - do  as evidenced by choreographer xin - xin xiong ', s elaborate - but not original - stunts  including a fast - paced stagecoach chase  a tavern brawl on rolling barrels  high - wire acrobatics with the combatants dangling from ropes  and a ladder - fight sequence . filmed in southern france  the scenery  sets and costumes are spectacular  but the lighting is too dark and editing is filled with choppy  restless mtv ', ish cuts . as the swashbuckling d ', artagnan  bland calvin klein model justin chambers buckles where he should be swashing  totally lacking on - screen charisma  not to mention acting skill . mena suvari  so impressive in " american beauty  " seems like a contemporary interloper in the royal court . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " the musketeer " is a cinematic but shallow 3 . " all for one and one for all " ? not this time ', round .
neg note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . at the end of the day  those reflecting upon the debacle that is the avengers would do well to take note that warning clouds loomed on the horizon for the project well before warner bros . made the contentious decision to abandon preview press screenings and scrapped plans for a gala premiere . this highly - anticipated film rendition of the cult television show was originally slotted for an early june opening  where it would have gone head - to - head against the rival studios ', heavy hitters ; its eventual demotion to a less potent mid - august opening was an obvious early indication of the studio ', s lack of confidence with the picture . and with good reason . this is a joyless exercise of a film  held together by a barely coherent plot and lacking any semblance of excitement  thrills or wit . remarkable in its banality and brutally uninvolving  the avengers is a catastrophic mess which immediately invites comparisons to last year ', s case study in style over substance  joel schumacher ', s much - loathed batman & robin . ( indeed  both films even feature appalling  ridiculous sequences which find central characters dressed up in fuzzy oversized costumes . ) uma thurman  who takes on the salacious role of the catsuit - clad  karate - chopping emma peel immortalized by diana rigg  was the only bright spot in the aforementioned schumacher disaster  imbuing her poison ivy with a dose of sassiness and sly wit that gave audiences something to smile at amidst the cinematic carnage . unfortunately  the same can ', t be said here  where she and cohort ralph fiennes ( our new john steed  taking over for patrick macnee ) demonstrate no appreciable chemistry whatsoever  fatally crippling the picture as they volley fizzling repartee back and forth and trade double - entendres with all the enthusiasm of two actors painfully aware that they ', re on board a sinking ship . at this rate  usually - splendid actor mr . fiennes may never make the transition from arthouse apollo to mainstream leading man -- his tepid turn here will make as much of an inroad as his commendably seedy performance in the regrettably - neglected kathyrn bigelow film strange days . the duo * look * the part -- and admittedly the avengers is  more than most  heavily dependent upon style -- but they ', re no fun to watch  and i found myself growing increasingly distant and annoyed by the lack of spark between the two cheekily ironic characters as they navigated through the picture ', s caper - esque plot . when not checking my wristwatch or shifting restlessly in my seat  i began to alleviate the boredom by considering how this all might have played out had the filmmakers chose to go instead with that erstwhile emma as our mrs . peel -- no  not kate beckinsale ( although the notion now intrigues me )  but gwyneth paltrow  who was originally in the running for the part and can veritably handle a spot - on english accent . if nothing else  it ', d at least be highly entertaining for the incongruous sight of the vaguely twiggish young actress kicking butt . the story  such as it is  involves the ever - bemused tandem of steed and peel combating the malevolent sir august de wynter ( sean connery )  an eccentric aristocrat threatening the safety of the nation with his climate - controlling contraption . ( they also sip a lot of tea . ) overlooking some goofy cloning nonsense and quirky hijinx involving our protagonists ', superiors  it sounds far better than it plays  and is rendered almost indecipherable by blatant post - production tinkering ; it ', s clearly evident that the picture has been cut to shreds . the avengers was never about gripping drama  and our heroes accordingly never take villainous sir august very seriously  but given the lack of cohesion in the plot and the lack of menace conveyed by the buffoonish maniac  it ', s all decidedly uncompelling . mr . connery  who ', s onscreen barely long enough to register an impression  approaches the role like a man fulfilling a contractual obligation  simultaneously chewing the scenery while unable to hide his disinterest . at least it all looks good . this is a genuinely handsome production  with fine costume design by anthony powell and crisply shot by roger pratt . in particular  the gleaming production design by stuart craig commands attention  adeptly drawing elements both old and new in order to depict this great britain . there are a handful of striking visual moments in the film  including an attack by a swarm of giant robotic bees and a nice shot of steed and peel finding a way to walk on water  but the film is so unremittingly dull that even these instances fail to stir interest or raise pulse rates . by the time the film ', s climax had arrived  my interest was not with the sight of steed and sir august slugging it out amidst crashing waves and thundering rain  but with the quickest escape route from the theatre . not coincidentally  the enticing bits of visual bravura were the shots assembled into the movie ', s remarkable trailer  a savvy piece of work which ironically is infinitely more appealing that the feature film itself ; the first promo which made the rounds in early spring is probably my favourite studio trailer so far this year . it ', s everything that the avengers is not -- saucy  clever  engaging  and entertaining . a crushing disappointment  the film is one of the worst outings of the year -- too drearily awful to be savoured as gleefully bad  too polished to overlook its deficiencies . there may be upcoming pictures that are even more lifeless than the avengers  but i sure hope not .
neg stallone attempts to ', act ', in this cop drama . the film is set in a neighbourhood pratically built by kietal  who ', s nephew ( played by michael rappaport ) is involved in a car crash and killing of two black youths . keital dosen ', t really want to get involved in anything  gets rid of rappaport  and stallone and de niro try to work out what the hell is going on . this film should be brilliant . it sounds like a great plot  the actors are first grade  and the supporting cast is good aswell  and stallone is attempting to deliver a good performance . however  it can ', t hold up . although the acting is fantastic ( even stallone isn ', t bad ) the directing and story is dull and long winded some scenes go on for too long  with nothing really happening in them . in fact  the only scenes that do work are action scenes  which i suspect stallone was trying to avoid . in this film  serious means dull . the dialogue is warbling  and basically just repeats the same points over and over  no matter who is delivering them . the plot  which has potential  is wasted  again just being cliched after a while . in fact  the only thing that does keep the film going is kietal and de niro  both delivering their usual good performances . however  stallone  although not given much to say  gives a good performance . however  it ', s not all that bad . as said above  the action scenes are well done . theres also a very good ending  which uses the cinemas sound system well . in fact  the last 10 minutes of this 2 hour film are one of the best endings of 1997 . if only the rest of the film was as good as the ending . cop land  then  turns out not to be a power house film  but a rather dull  and not every exciting film . hugely disappointing  and i can ', t really recommend it .
neg the first species was a moderately - successful science fiction yarn that diverted audiences with some nifty special effects  a few well - paced action sequences  and frequent views of model - turned - actress natasha henstridge sans clothing . however  it was definitely not a movie that cried out for a sequel . and  considering the quality of species 2  it ', s obvious that mgm should have stopped while they were ahead . the only thing that distinguishes species 2 is how awful it is . if you throw away the plot  which is characterized by a blatant disregard for intelligence  logic  coherence  and consistency  species 2 actually has a few things to recommend it to a select audience . of course  that audience is primarily comprised of teenage boys ( who  at least in theory  shouldn ', t be able to get into an " r " - rated film ) and connoisseurs of bad movies . there ', s enough blood  gore  simulated sex  and bare flesh in species 2 to prevent it from ever becoming boring . this is a grade z exploitation flick that ', s ripe for the mystery science theater 3000 treatment . somewhere  someplace  i recall hearing species 2 described as " erotic . " i would love to know who used with that adjective for this movie  because he ( or she ) has a peculiar notion of eroticism . sure  there ', s a lot of sex and nudity  but it ', s almost always accompanied by the ripping open of a woman ', s abdomen as an alien baby claws its way free  splattering blood and gore in all directions . anyone turned on by that is not someone i would care to be sitting next to in a theater . i suppose the main attraction in species 2 is natasha henstridge ( and  to get the obvious question out of the way -- yes  she does remove her top  but only once  and only briefly ) . although the character she played in the original species is dead  government scientists still have the dna  and  out of what can only be described as a suicidal impulse  they decide to create another clone . this creature  dubbed " eve " by its creator  dr . laura baker ( played by marg helgenberger  reprising her role )  is genetically engineered to be kinder and more docile . meanwhile  man has finally set foot on mars . a team of three  led by patrick ross ( justin lazard )  has traveled to the red planet  but when they return to earth  they bring something with them . ross has become a half - human / half - alien hybrid  and he ', s soon mating like crazy  collecting the blood - soaked children that are the result of each sex session . his intention is obviously world domination . standing in his way is that indomitable soldier of fortune from the first film  preston lennox ( michael madsen )  and one of patrick ', s fellow astronauts  dennis gamble ( mykelti williamson ) . but when patrick learns about eve  a female of his kind  there ', s no damping his ardor . i ', m not sure what the budget for species 2 was  but a significant portion of it must have gone into paying handsome salaries to several recognizable actors ( as opposed to being diverted into the special effects ) . michael madsen and marg helgenberger  both back for a second round  are clearly on hand to do as little as they can  grab the money  and run . ditto for james cromwell  who plays patrick ', s father -- " underused " is too kind a word to describe his involvement ( " invisible " would be more like it ) . george dzundza gets to do a little scenery - chewing as an angry - but - inept general . meanwhile  justin lazard ', s performance as patrick is so flat that he makes natasha henstridge ', s limited abilities look good by comparison . the only one in the whole production with any energy is mykelti williamson  who is cast in the part of the wisecracking black sidekick . complete with cheesy special effects  bare breasts around every narrative corner  and dialogue capable of producing howls of laughter  species 2 has been dumped into the marketplace without advance screenings for critics . director peter medak  a journeyman film maker with a significant list of mediocre movies on his resume  has added another forgettable title  but at least he appears to have had fun doing it  which is more than can be said of anyone trying to take this film with even a scintilla of seriousness . do i recommend the movie ? absolutely not  but i will admit that species 2 is dopey enough that it didn ', t try my patience to the degree that some pseudo - intellectual bad movies do . here ', s hoping there ', s no species 3 .
neg a number of critics have decided that it ', s open season on freddie prize jr .  slamming the young actor as an utterly talentless pretty boy on career cruise control in sound - alike  disposable teen fluff like " head over heels  " " boys and girls  " " down to you " and " she ', s all that . " while the prinze oeuvre is hard to defend  his talent is not . i first saw him in the independent dark comedy " the house of yes  " where he gave a subtle  impressive performance as the younger brother in one of america ', s freakiest families . prinze has the acting chops ; he just needs to take a few supporting roles in some grown - up movies to show the non - believers that he has what it takes . " summer catch " certainly won ', t help his case . inoffensive  but utterly generic  the baseball - related romantic comedy does little more than kill time . the story deals with the love affair between tenley ( jessica biel )  a wealthy cape cod girl and ryan ( prinze )  a local boy from a working class family who dreams of becoming a big - time baseball star . ryan ', s preoccupation with his new honey - bunny drives her elitist father ( bruce davison ) crazy and endangers his position as pitcher with a cape cod summer league team . it ', s a wonder the kid has any time to pitch  as his time is occupied with making out with tenley  fighting with her dad  bonding with his own dad ( fred ward  who deserves better than this )  fighting with his brother ( jason gedrick ) and carousing at a neighborhood bar with his teammates . the filmmakers desperately want to make a quirky  character - heavy baseball movie like " bull durham  " but haven ', t got a clue how to get there . and so they glide from one clich ? to the next for 108 minutes . the only bit of originality comes from marc blucas in a minor role as a center - fielder from texas . in an early barroom scene  blucas  best known as demon - fighting riley finn from " buffy the vampire slayer  " hears a young woman compliment a guy on his ass  then turns to teammate matthew lillard and states  " he does have a nice ass . a bubble butt . " when lillard gives him an " are you insane ? " look  blucas calmly says  " it ', s nothing sexual  " then goes on to evaluate the hind - ends of some other players  including lillard ', s . speaking of asses  prinze does not bare his in the movie . the actor has a no nudity clause in his contract  so two stunt - butts were employed for a couple of semi - nude shots . blucas  whose character secretly dates a large woman throughout the story  gets another unique moment late in the film . sick of hearing teammates make " fat chick " jokes  he climbs on top of a table and loudly declares his love of amply - sized ladies . while his speech still ends up objectifying women  it remains a nice change of pace in a numbingly ordinary movie . trivial tidbit : " summer catch " marks a scooby doo summit . marc blucas appears in " jay and silent bob strike back " as fred from the scooby doo gang  while freddie prinze jr . plays the same character in the upcoming big budget film version of the old cartoon .
neg everybody in this film ', s thinking of alicia . no  this is not a documentary on those of us after we first saw the " cryin ', " video . this is one of those erotic thrillers  but not like one starring shannon whirry or shannon tweed . first off  there ', s zero sex  almost no nudity  and it ', s not as well - plotted as one of those tweed flicks . well  anyway . the " plot . " alicia plays  well  the babysitter  who is taking care of some kids one night while the parents ( j . t . walsh and lee garlington ) go out to a party . the film  trying to be like one of those introspective erotic thrillers  shows every characters ', thoughts  except alicia ', s . the thing is alicia ', s in most of them in most cases  and the thoughts aren ', t too kosher . first off  there ', s her boyfriend ( jeremy london  who gave one of the all - time lousy performances in " mallrats  " and is only a notch better here )  who ', s a dorky kid who hangs out with a kind of bully  played by nicky katt from " suburbia " ( who shows he ', s got that quiet creepiness down pat once again ) . they decide they want to crash her babysitting job  looking for the typical babysitting hanky - panky . somethine like that . the film intercuts between the subplots ( alicia babysitting  nicky and jeremy  the party ) and each characters ', thoughts . we get to see jeremy and nicky ', s dreams of doing a little threeway with alicia  j . t . thinking of coming home to find alicia naked in the bathtub ( she has it all covered up  the little tease )  and  worst of all  lee garlington dreaming of that hunk  george segal . it even shows them in bed together . yea . i so wanted to see george and lee garlington in bed  though i guess i ', m used to george after seeing her and mary tyler moore fooling around in " flirting with disaster . " the ending is some kind of big tragedy thing  but come on . like we care about any of the characters . the only interesting one is alicia  mainly because she ', s alicia  and we mostly see her in the fantasies . so i guess she ', s some kind of mystery or something . but she is never explored further . so  basically  this film is just a series of mastabatory images  sometimes featuring a non - nude alicia ( once again  sadly )  sometimes featuring a scantily - clad george segal ( once again  sadly ) . i watched this on one of those free previews of showtime or cinemax one night  and let me tell you  it is the only way to watch this film . i mean  there ', s a reason they put these kinds of films on late at night : they ', re just as good as sleeping pills . and this one is one big fat waste of time  even for an alicia film .
neg star wars : ? episode i -- the phantom menace ( 1999 ) director : george lucas cast : liam neeson  ewan mcgregor  natalie portman  jake lloyd  ian mcdiarmid  samuel l . jackson  oliver ford davies  terence stamp  pernilla august  frank oz  ahmed best  kenny baker  anthony daniels screenplay : george lucas producers : rick mccallum runtime : 131 min . us distribution : 20th century fox rated pg : mild violence  thematic elements copyright 1999 nathaniel r . atcheson a fellow critic once stated his belief that a reviewer should not speak of himself in his own review . i ', ve attempted to obey this rule in recent months  but to do so would be impossible in this case . the fact is  nearly every person who goes to see the phantom menace brings baggage in with them . the original star wars trilogy means so much to so many people . for me  they calibrated my creativity as a child ; they are masterful  original works of art that mix moving stories with what were astonishing special effects at the time ( and they still hold up pretty darn well ) . i am too young to have seen star wars in the theater during its original release  but that doesn ', t make me any less dedicated to it . on the contrary  the star wars trilogy -- and the empire strikes back in particular -- are three items on a very short list of why i love movies . when i heard that george lucas would be making the first trilogy in the nine - film series  i got exited . when i first saw screenshots from the film  well over a year ago  i embarked on a year - long drool of anticipation . and when the first previews were released last thanksgiving  i was ready to see the film . but then there was the hype  the insane marketing campaign  and lucasfilm ', s secretive snobbery over the picture . in the last weeks before the picture opened  while multitudes of fans waited outside of theaters and stood in the boiling sun days in advance just to be the first ones in the theater  i was tired of hearing about it . i was tired of seeing cardboard cut - outs of the characters whenever i went to kfc or taco bell . i just wanted to see the movie . reader  do not misunderstand . i did not have an anti - hype reaction . the hype was unavoidable . i understand and accept the hype -- it ', s just what happens when the prequel to the most widely beloved films of all time get released . five minutes into the phantom menace  i knew there was a problem . " who are these jedi knights ? " i asked . " why are they churning out stale dialogue with machine - gun rapidity ? " " why aren ', t these characters being developed before their adventures ? " " why is there a special effects shot in nearly every frame of the entire film ? " these were just some of my questions early on . later  i asked  " where ', s the magic of the first three films ? " and " why am i looking at my watch every fifteen minutes ? ', by the end of the film  i was tired  maddened  and depressed . george lucas has funneled his own wonderful movies into a pointless  mindless  summer blockbuster . the phantom menace is no star wars film . take away the title and the jedi talk and the force  and you ', re left with what is easily one of the most vacuous special effects movies of all time . it ', s an embarrassment . i looked desperately for a scene in which a character is explored  or a new theme is examined  or a special effects shot isn ', t used . there are a few of each  but they ', re all token attempts . the fact is  george lucas has created what is simultaneously an abysmally bad excuse for a movie and a pretty good showcase for digital effects . this is not what i wanted to see . i didn ', t want to leave the phantom menace with a headache and a bitter taste in my mouth  but i did . the story centers mostly around qui - gon jinn ( liam neeson  looking lost and confused ) and his apprentice  obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor  who scarcely has a line in the film ) and their attempts to liberate the people of the planet naboo . naboo is the victim of a bureaucratic war with the trade federation ; their contact on naboo is queen amidala ( natalie portman )  the teenage ruler who truly cares for her people . after picking up jar jar binks ( a completely cgi character  voiced by ahmed best )  they head to tatooine  where they meet young anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd ) and his mother ( pernilla august ) . qui - gon knows that the force is strong with young anakin  and so the jedi knights take the boy with them on their journeys . the bad guys are darth maul and darth sidious  neither of whom have enough lines to register as characters . there isn ', t anything particularly wrong with this story when looking at it in synopsis form . the way lucas has handled it  however  it unsatisfactory . first of all  we don ', t learn one single thing about qui - gon jinn . not one thing . what was his life like before this film ? well  i imagine he didn ', t have one . that ', s why he feels like a plot device . this probably explains why neeson looks so hopeless in the role  and why he ', s recently retired from film ( i don ', t blame him  honestly ) . obi - wan  a character i was really looking forward to learning more about  is even less interesting . mcgregor has just a few lines  so anyone hoping to see the engaging young actor in a great performance is urged to look elsewhere . since these two men are the focus of the phantom menace  lucas has served us a big emotional void as the centerpiece of his movie . things start to pick up when our characters reach tatooine ; young anakin is perhaps the only truly fleshed - out character in the film  and lloyd does a thoughtful job with the role . i was also hugely impressed with the sand speeder scene ; rarely is an action sequence so fast and so exciting . and when anakin says goodbye to his mother  i found it moving . also fairly good is portman  and she manages to give a little depth to a character where no depth has been written . jar jar binks is one of the most annoying characters i ', ve ever had to endure  but he ', s more interesting than most of the humans . as soon as the relatively - brief segment on tatooine is over  it ', s back to the mind - numbing special effects and depthless action scenes . i ', ve seen many movies that qualify as " special effects extravaganzas  " but the phantom menace is the first one i ', ve seen that had me sick of the special effects fifteen minutes into the movie . the reason is obvious : george lucas has no restraint . i can ', t say that i didn ', t find the effects original  because i did -- the final battle between darth maul  obi - wan  and qui - gon is visually exceptional  as is most of the film . but i also found the effects deadening and tiresome . my breaking point was near the end of the picture  as anakin is getting questioned by yoda and the other jedi masters ; in the background  we see hundreds of digital spaceships flying around through a digital sky  and i wanted that to go away . can ', t we have one stinking scene that isn ', t bursting at the seems with a special effects shot ? i got so sick of looking at the cgi characters and spaceships and planets and backgrounds that i really just wanted to go outside and look at a physical landscape for a few hours . and then there ', s the question of magic . what was lost in the sixteen years between the phantom menace and return of the jedi ? i have a feeling that lucas was so focused on how his movie looked that he forgot entirely the way it should feel . john williams ', familiar score is no help  nor is lucas ', direction . i think it comes right down to characters : there are none here . i longed for the magnetic presence of han  luke  and leia  but i got no such thing . and what about the ridiculous expectations ? mine weren ', t that high ; i simply wanted a film that showed me the roots of the films that i grew up loving  a story that had a few characters and a few great special effects . instead  i got two hours and fifteen minutes of a lifeless and imaginative computer graphics show . i don ', t hate the phantom menace as much as i resent it : i ', d like to forget that it exists  and yet i can ', t . it ', s here to stay . i can only hope that episodes ii and iii have something of substance in them  because if they don ', t  then lucas will have pulled off the impossible task of destroying his own indestructible series .
neg the lives of older people in the twilight of their years attempting to come to grips with their shared histories and possible futures is a fascinating topic . finding an all - star cast for such a film is a stroke of genius . combining all that with a three - time oscar - winning director ( robert benton of " kramer vs . kramer " ) and creating a decidedly mediocre movie is the stuff of disappointment . in yet another noir mystery set in hollywood -- how many of these have we seen during the past few years ? -- the atmosphere is moody  the actors enjoyable to watch and the story goes nowhere . over - 70 harry ross ( paul newman ) is a washed up cop - turned - private eye - turned man friday trying to figure out how to live what remains of his life . he ', s screwed up things pretty well ( " i had a wife and daughter . now  i ', m a drunk ) and is at a crossroads . a couple of years ago  he traveled to mexico to bring back mel ( reese witherspoon )  the under - age daughter of jack ( gene hackman ) and catherine ( susan sarandon ) ames and now lives with them . the ames are former movie stars  past their prime and the three have become fast friends . one gets the impression that ross is just hanging out waiting for something to wake him up . to fill his time  he does odd jobs for jack and falls in love with catherine . jack is in even worse shape than harry . he ', s dying of cancer with only a year to live . things do turn more exciting when jack asks harry to drop off a sealed manila envelope for him . instead of the routine errand that ross expects  he walks into a barrage of bullets from the gun of another ex - cop who is  himself  full of bloody holes . this unsettling event gives the former detective a project to throw himself into and launches an investigation that revolves around the mysterious disappearance of catherine ', s first husband 20 years before . through a series of very complex and convoluted plot devices that involve murder ; blackmail ; guns ; mel ', s mexico traveling partner and his parole officer ; ross ', s former cop buddies  ex - lover and would - be sidekick  the tale finally ends up exactly where everyone expects it to . it ', s a film noir tradition that the story twists and turns down side roads for an unexpected finale  but here the journey meanders towards an ending that no one cares about . the only surprises are exactly whose face fits which role in the scenario . by the time they show you  it doesn ', t matter . the storyline gets goofier and goofier exemplified in ross ', s relationship with rubin ( giancarlo esposito )  a partner wannabe . these scenes are obviously designed to be comic relief  however they are neither . rubin and ross have some past relationship but either it ', s not explained or i didn ', t care enough at that point to remember . a running joke about where harry was supposedly shot while in mexico is probably meant to mirror his questions about whether he is still able to perform . it ', s also not funny  doesn ', t connect and keeps on showing up long after it has run its course . on the positive side  it ', s often enjoyable to watch the seasoned actors on the screen . the three leads all have well - deserved academy awards and turn in accomplished  if not extraordinary jobs . newman is a grand actor  but doesn ', t seem quite suited to the dark film style . he is a bit too clean and understated to come across as desperate and down and out . hackman  also low - key  is believable but lacks sparkle . sarandon comes across well as an sultry older babe although she is one - dimensional . the actors do what they can with lame dialog  but they can ', t pull the film out of the hole it ', s dug for itself . james garner who plays ross ', s old buddy ex - cop raymond hope is always a treat  but even he half - heartedly struggles through lines like " i ', m glad they didn ', t shoot your pecker off . " the best part of the film is the look at old friends  how their relationships change over the years and the difficult choices they must make . the genuinely easy and casual interactions among the actors hint that being on the set was much more interesting than what ended up on the screen the film doesn ', t run very long before the audience realizes that it ', s hopeless . the only reason for watching is the actors . it reminds me of disaster movies such as " towering inferno " where the star power is supposed to make everyone ignore the film ', s problems . in a better world  there would have been second - rate actors in this second - rate movie and the ones here would have been saved for something better . of course  we don ', t live in that better world  but you could make yours a little nicer by choosing a different movie .
neg martial arts master steven seagal ( not to mention director ! ) has built a career out of playing an allegedly fictitious martial arts superman who never gets hurt in fights  talks in a hushed tone  and squints at any sign of danger . he ', s also the most consistent individual in hollywood today  since all his movies suck . they basically represent his egotisitical tendencies about his art ( that is  martial art ) . i ', m sure the guy ', s good  and he seems like a nice guy on talk shows  although a tad haughty  but these movies he makes are all the same : a guy who is basically indestructable  is maybe wounded supposedly mortally  then comes back with a vengeance and goes buddha on all the baddies asses ( although i kinda liked " under siege " ) . of course  this one  as a change  has a " message " that is drilled into our mind . . . of course  after he blows up a lot of stuff and kills a bunch of people . so why do i watch his crap ? i usually don ', t . i will never  and you can hold me to this  i will never pay to see this man ', s movies  unless  and only unless  he ', s in a supporting role ( i . e . " executive decision " ) and i ', d definitely pay if he dies ( i . e . " executive decision " ) . but this one has a special place in my heart . this doesn ', t mean it ', s good or that i even liked it . this was the last movie i watched with my deceased uncle  and we had one hell of a time ripping it apart a la " mystery science theatre 3000  " and this was a couple years before i had heard of " mystery science theatre 3000 . " in this one  seagal plays a worker for a mining factory set in alaska and run by the greased - up typical shallow villain  this time played by an oscar - winner to give the movie some more clout - michael caine . it seems that caine wants to do something with his oil factory that includes him dumping oil all over inuit land . around the 20 - 30 minute point  seagal speaks up to him in what seems to be the typical speech to all the vain entrepeneurs ( what with his new " fire down below  " another " message film " )  and caine has him bumped off . . . or does he ? seagal is rescued by some inuits  and falls in love with one of them  played by joan chen  who can act  hypothetically  but  for some reason  not here . one of caine ', s cliched henchmen ( played here with a lot of overacting by john c . mcginley ) shoots the cheif of the inuit clan  and chen and seagal go on a voyage to take down the oil factory . . . literally  of course . at one point  seagal gives a wonderfully hysterical speech about how he doesn ', t have any options but blow stuff up . he even goes as far as to say  " i don ', t want to kill someone  " and in the same breath  he asks some guy where the arsenal is . i have no problem with violence . i ', m a huge john woo fan  but he paints his films with suspense  skill  style  depth  characterization  and just plain cool violence . in the films of seagal  the suspense mainly consists of the baddie attacking him stupidly  and him either wounding or killing them . at some points  they use the cliche of the talking villain  where the villain has the advantage  can shoot seagal  but begins talking by either telling him his big secret plan  or saying a corny line  to which seagal says something hokey back  and has had enough time to devise of a way to do away with them  and does . this would be okay if there were any suspense or if it didn ', t take itself seriously at all  like in the case of this summer ', s " con air . " but seagal is serious about his skill  and of course  his message . i wouldn ', t mind if this was a message film in the way that they present it to you with evidence . but seagal has no idea how to present a film where the message is subtle  not pounded into the viewer ', s mind . the villain is totally shallow and cartoonish  thus we can ', t take him and his motives seriously  and while seagal talks about being kind to the environment  he also goes ahead and blows up a square mile of rig  and kills some workers who were just doing his job . then at the end  he spends a good 10 minutes giving a speech  just in case you didn ', t get the message from the trailers . what seagal doesn ', t realize is that no one takes his films seriously ( although maybe a couple do ) and any message he has is no only redundant  but doesn ', t comfortably fit in his film  which is filled to the brim with hokey violence  crap suspense  stupid melodrama  and characters who have about as much emotional depth as a petri dish . as far as seagal and his acting  he ', s rather boring . he squints  he kills . period . nothing else . oh  yeah  there ', s corny one - liners ( " i ', m gonna reach out and touch someone ! " ) . of course  he ', s the star  and we ', re supposed to root for him and all  so he makes all the villains unbelievably stupid and a bunch of jerks . michael caine  who ', s a great actor  is just supposed to yell and look cold . he does it well  i guess  but this is no " alfie . " of coure  no one was expecting that caliber of performance from him . his big henchman  john c . mcginley is kinda boring as well  but is not horrible . and we even get a small performance from that god of drill sergeants on celluloid  r . lee ermey ( from " full metal jacket " ) as a hired assasin squad leader who gets to say the obligatory speech about how dangerous seagal is  just for the movie trailers and for seagal ', s ego . and also  look for billy bob thornton as one of ermey ', s assasins . anyway  to conclude this all  to judge one of seagal ', s movies is to judge all of them ( except for " under siege " and " executive decision  " though the latter is not really a " seagal movie " ) . they all have this same formula  they all have the same action  same villain  same plot  but this one has that message  which makes it more excrucitating to watch . i mean  if you do rent it  and i don ', t reccomend you do  make sure you just skip the last 10 minutes . but i have to put it to seagal for creating a film so bad  that the last film i viewed with my uncle was a pleasurable one . my ( extra star for the fun it is to watch and mock )
neg arye cross and courteney cox star as a pair of bostonians who meet in a bar  go to the movies  fall in love  move in together  etc . review ====== well  if you haven ', t seen when harry met sally or he said  she said  or if you don ', t watch love & war on television  you might think this is the most inventive film to come along in ages . however  if you ', ve seen any of these  than you have seen most of this film . this of course doesn ', t mean its bad . some of it is amusing  but overall  i just had to ask what ', s the point ? arye cross is the stereotypical single male who falls in love . kevin pollack is the stereotypical female - fearing best friend who make a lot of rather sexist and vulgar jokes  most if which weren ', t very funny . couteney cox is the stereotypical career - minded woman who falls in love . julie brown is the stereotypical bizarre best friend of said woman . ( notice the frequent use of the word stereotypical . this film uses a lot of formula  the plot is basically known from the opening credits . ) so what is good about the movie ? well as i said there are a few amusing moments . surprisingly  julie brown  who i usually find just plain goofy  was the best thing in the film . also there are several very funny sequences involving analysis of the human mating ritual . gee  this is really short . not much to say about the film really . it is just kind of there . watching it on video might not be a complete waste of time  but i wouldn ', t recommend hiring a baby sitter or spending a lot of money to see it at the theatre .
neg _soldier_ is hands down one of the worst movies a person could ever have to sit through that doesn ', t have jean claude van damme in it . i could liken it to the sci - fi cheese that was the hollywood product - of - choice back in the early 80s  but that would be too much of a compliment . if there is a movie theater in hell  this film is playing there 24 hours a day . the story  such that there is  revolves around todd ( kurt russell )  an automaton of a man who has been raised from birth to be a merciless soldier in a not - too - distant ultra - conservative future ( is there any other kind ? ) after years of desensitization at a military academy full of other boys just like him  todd becomes a ground fighter in a series of wars all over the galaxy . who the enemies in these wars are is never revealed  but the few glimpses of todd in battle show that it doesn ', t matter  because innocent hostages are wiped out as indifferently as the bad guys . after ten minutes of this nihilistic trash -- yes folks  there ', s more -- we see todd as a buff  scarred adult  now so accustomed to the carnage that no confrontation at all causes him to break a sweat . there ', s a new wrinkle  though . todd and his brethren are declared obsolete  and a new batch of soldiers takes their place . after losing a sanctioned battle with _dragon_ ', s jason scott lee  the seemingly dead todd is dumped by a flying ice - cube tray ( well  that ', s what is looked like ) on a remote garbage planet . if you predict that todd meets a bunch of outcast settlers on this planet  and that they band together to fight a bunch of bad guys coming to destroy them  you ', re way ahead of the game . the renegade society on this trash heap is so clich you half - expect tina turner and master blaster to come strolling into frame any minute . it ', s surprising that _soldier_ is the brain - child of _blade runner_ co - writer david webb peoples . unlike that mind - twisting classic  this film contains just barely enough dialogue to fill about three double - spaced pages . add into the mix the _mortal kombat_ ', s paul anderson inept direction  and it ', s easy to see how _soldier_ turned out so bad . and the special effects ! remember the flying steam irons in hardware wars ? gary busey is in this movie . ', nuff said . _soldier_ is proof that hollywood still has plenty of bad ideas sitting in its script vaults . that this sad film made it to the silver screen should encourage plenty of aspiring screenwriters out there that there is hope after all . now if you ', ll excuse me  i have to go weep for the future .
neg it ', s a sad state of affairs when the back box blurb is more exciting than the movie contained within it . such is the case for the 1990 paul mayersberg film _the last samurai_ . though the blurb alludes to " a jungle filled with political intrigue  uneasy alliances  and murderous enemies at every turn  " the story of the movie is actually quite simple ( and prosaic ) : a middle - aged japanese businessman named endo ( played by john fujioka ) and his assistant  both of whom have samurai aspirations  travel to africa in search of his ancestor  who went to bring buddhism to africa . he hires the services of down - at - the - heels vietnam veteran pilot johnny congo ( the redoubtable lance henriksen ) and his girlfriend ( arabella holzbog )  and travels to the camp of an arms - merchant - cum - safari - host - cum - islamic - missionary ( john saxon ) and his wife ( lisa eilbacher ) . they are all kidnapped by an african revolutionary guerilla with witch - doctor aspirations to conceal a pre - arranged arms deal  which subsequently falls through . congo escapes  finds endo ', s ancestor ', s sword  and comes back  guns blazing  to free the rest of them  and endo kills the revolutionary with the sword . the end . _the last samurai_ is one of those movies that is neither bad enough nor good enough to be enjoyable . it is merely _there_ . the murky plot is filled with subtexts that are never elaborated  subplots that are never explained  and many scenes that make very little sense at all . the film is shot through with all the tired old " inscrutable japanese samurai " and zen stereotypes that are to be expected from an american movie . it is quite slow - paced  with only a bit of action near the end  and the final duel between endo and the terrorist is quite anticlimactic . most of the acting is fair  with the possible exception of congo ', s girlfriend . lance henriksen is his usual scene - chewing self  and is one of few possible reasons anyone might conceivably have for seeing this movie . the only other bright spot is the sweeping african scenery . i paid $ 3 for this film  from the discount rack at best buy  and halfway suspect i overpaid for it . if you are in the mood for samurai  read a clavell novel or watch a kurusawa movie . skip _the last samurai_ unless you are a die - hard henriksen fan .
neg birthdays often cause individuals to access their lives . are we doing what we want to be doing ? what happened to our dreams ? with the new millennium  our collective big birthday  just around the corner  some people are sensing a certain dissatisfaction with their existence . the old standbys of traditional religion and science aren ', t doing it for many anymore and they ', re looking for something else . we ', ll be seeing more and more films with a metaphysical theme over the next few years . ricky hayman ( jeff goldblum ) is having a career crisis . the programming director for the good buy home shopping network  he ', s going to be fired unless sales increase dramatically . new producer kate newell ( kelly preston ) is supposed to whip things into shape . when the two are fixing a flat  they almost run down new age pilgrim " g " ( murphy ) . g wanders onto the television set and connects with the viewers by telling them that they don ', t really want all that commercial crap . in some unexplained manner  this causes sales to sour . ricky is saved . the movie tries to be too much at once and fails at it all . it ', s not an over - the - top comedy or a heart - warming message of humanity . it _is_ a mish - mosh of poorly directed scenes made even worse by insipid dialog . i am willing to put up with preaching from a film  but the messages here are old hat . you should take time to smell the roses . selling your soul for cash is a bad idea . golly . i ', m glad i saw the movie . i never would have thought of these . the opportunity to poke fun at the goofy products is mostly missed . when g takes a chainsaw to the set  there ', s an obvious chance for murphy to be hilarious . it doesn ', t happen . the bits are so subdued and overly - long that there ', s only a hint of laughter from the audience . murphy has changed his roles in recent years and not for the better . there are hints of promise in this one . the only time the film picks up even a little is when his shaved - headed character in the long flowing white caftan shows up on screen . the others are horrendous . goldblum has episodes of brilliance in his career  but here he seems to have been replaced with a lifeless pod from his " invasion of the body snatchers " . his relationship with kate makes no sense . they move from antagonism to love somewhere off screen . preston is as uninteresting as she could possibly be . somewhere hidden deep inside of this film is about ten minutes of value . an attempt to satirize stupid television  we get a self - parody instead .
neg m : i - 2  the sequel to mission impossible  is a james bond wannabe film  but it fails to even come close to that film in wit  humor  and entertainment value . it tries to be a spy / romance movie  but without any suspense the film just looks like it ', s an extended commercial for dudes who think they look cool in throwaway sunglasses . it is a film that prefers techie gadgets to anything human . the coolest thing about this movie  was all the holes it had in its story and the most trite thing about the movie  was the usage of doves throughout as peace symbols . the film plays as if it was a wet fantasy dream about techie violence . except for the choreographed action sequences  the film was dull for three - quarters of its time  filled with too many dead spots in its story to garner concern about its wooden characters or the superficial romance that developed . as for the action scenes  they might look good to those who are converts to violence in their films  but their advertisement for sadistic responses  is nothing short of mindless cartoon violence  which makes it very difficult to sit back and applaud without feeling put off by the gratuitous cruelty seen . m : i - 2 opens and closes with fast - paced action scenes  but it is hard to get past the middle part which just drags on in banal dialogue . the film looks as if it had been invaded by a computer virus  at that point . the only thing that kept me awake  was the horrible music composed by hans zimmer that became very loud at any of the film ', s supposedly momentous action scenes and seemed to make an uninteresting scene even more noticeable in the wrong way . it ', s a mega - buck film adapted from a popular high - tech gadgetry tv series . but its artistic success is an impossible task to accomplish because it hired the wrong director and actors to star in it  and it failed to produce a story that had any substance . john woo ( " broken arrow " / " face / off " ) is good at doing car chases  choreographed fights with midair flips and kung - fu kicks  slo - mo shots of two guns blazing  and of fire explosions  but he just can ', t seem to handle dialogue and suspense . the star of the film and co - producer  tom cruise  and his romantic interest  thandie newton  are miscast . cruise is no james bond and looks more like a yuppie than a superhero in his stylish long hair and innocuous smile  as he tries to carry off this macho role  while thandie is not an action - film girl  and seems like a fish - out - of - water in this one . their romance didn ', t work  not only was it tepid and not sexy  but it wasn ', t convincing . the film opens with dizzying speed  perhaps with the hope that a befuddled audience is its best bet for success . we will be in three different locations instantaneously : sydney  the american southwest  and seville . first  we are in sydney  australia  where a scientist with a muffled russian accent  dr . nekhorvich ( rade )  mentions that he created a deadly killer virus called chimera and an antidote for it . he also mentions that every hero needs a worthy villain . which explains the film ', s mythic theme . . . as we enter the world of comic book myths on good and evil . the one who played the villain  dougray scott  does so in a one - dimensional gruff tone  which did not distinguish him in that role . at least  if the film got the villain part right  it might have had some fun with this nonsense . soon the diabolical scientist is on a plane talking to someone he trusts called dimitri  but then the plane is taken over by terrorists who set it on automatic pilot and crash it into the rocky mountains . before they crash the plane and parachute out of it  the one who was posing as dimitri  turns out to be sean ambrose ( scott )  a rogue member of the imf  which is a cia - like clone . he steals the package with the antidote  peels off a latex mask  which is a replica of the hero of the story  ethan hunt ( cruise )  who had posed as dimitri to the scientist before and had thereby gained his trust . sean and his group of terrorists carry out this attack because they plan a virus plague on the world and then to sell the victims the antidote at marked up prices . we already saw the gimmick of peeling masks used in face / off and in the original mission impossible  which as convoluted a plot as that film had  it was still a superior film to this sequel . woo has run this peeling mask routine into the ground  as it is used so often in this film by both sides  so much so  that it blurs any ethical character differences between good guy or villain . it makes it seem as if anyone could be another character  which distorts the reality of the film and makes it impossible for the film to make much sense . next we are in a mountain range in the american southwest  and ethan is on vacation  hanging by his fingertips while climbing and looking cool  when a helicopter with his boss anthony hopkins aboard  delivers via a rocket launcher  a pair of talking sunglasses . hunt learns his next mission is to retrieve the chimera package and he is allowed to pick two regular imf agents to help  billy baird ( john polson ) and luther stickell ( ving rhames )  with luther running a high - gadget computer  but he also must get a jewel thief named nyah hall ( thandie ) to join his team . he is told  as an incentive to recruit her  all her criminal charges will be dropped . hopkins then signs off with the tag line : this message will self - destruct in five seconds . actually  with the departure of hopkins  it was this disposable film that actually self - destructed at this point . in seville  hunt recruits nyah into the team in the middle of a jewel heist and a subsequent car chase  where he nearly runs her audi sports car over the side of a mountain road . he also falls for her when this was only supposed to be a business deal  and learns that she is valuable because her ex - boyfriend was sean ambrose and that he still wants to f * ck her . the imf team then inject a location tracer chip into her to spot sean so she can go f * ck him  as she leads them to his hide - out in the seaside of australia in which he shares with his sneering villainous cohort  the south african  hugh stamp ( richard roxburgh ) . robert towne  the screenwriter  who contributed to the first " mission  " who is noted for doing " chinatown " -- writes a colorless  pedestrian script  one that fails even to be funny in a camp way . the terrorists  who aim to rule the world  are interested in owning 51 percent in a biotech company and in getting stock options  as they plan to infect sydney with the virus and have their company sell the antidote  insuring that they will make billions on the stock . ethan comes to the rescue of the world and of nyah  with his only conflict being who is more important to save first . ethan does this rescue against all odds  as he finds a way to penetrate a security tight biotech company  fight it out with sean and the other terrorists  and rescue nyah  who injected herself with the virus to hinder sean ', s getting it  as the only way to transport the virus is through another person or from the vaccine needle . ethan rescues her by doing stunt riding on a motorcycle  using kick - boxing  winning a shootout  throwing a full john wayne supply of grenades at the terrorists  making some more use out of that peeling mask bit  and by being completely fearless and larger than life  while he kick ', s everyone ', s ass . if i was only entertained by this . . . i could have lived with it . but this film was so badly made  that it was like watching a highlight film of a basketball game  seeing only the slam - dunks  but with the game itself being excluded from the telecast . in any case  this is a critic - proof film  and will in all probability do well in the box office  as it was made to appeal to all the demographics who find commercial ventures like this one easy to buy into .
neg ex - universal soldier luc has to battle a group of newer - model engineered fighters gone bad . the review jean - claude van damme has a one - liner early on in universal soldier : the return  his latest attempt to remain relevant  that sums up this entire movie ; he says " been there  done that . " no film critic could possibly sum up van damme ', s recent film choices any better . while other ageing action stars have wisely moved into other film genres ( schwarzenegger makes as many family comedies as he does action films )  van damme stubbornly persists in sticking with what used to work for him : martial arts and guns . this unwillingness or perhaps inability to move into new genres has caused van damme to enter the straight to video world  with legionnaire never seeing the inside of a multiplex . he joins fellow martial artist / action star steven seagal as they watch their film careers rapidly fizzle away . universal soldier : the return is truly poor . the plot is a complete copy of several action films from this decade  specifically terminator 2 : judgement day and the similarly named soldier . soldier ', s kurt russell was an older model super - soldier sent off to retirement when circumstances forced him to battle his successors  for the good of a planet ; schwarzenegger ', s terminator in t2 tried to save john connor from a newer model killing machine  the t - 1000 ; and jean - claude  a former universal soldier  has to save the planet from the rampage of a group of  you guessed it  newer model soldiers . considering the poor box office performance of soldier  it ', s amazing that this project was ever given the go - ahead . luc devereaux ( van damme ) was the sole remaining universal soldier ( or unisol for short )  until he was returned to a normal  if muscular  human form . in this sequel ( technically the fourth film in the series  following two straight - to - video duds that were ignored here plot - wise )  luc is now a human trainer / consultant of sorts for the unisol program . working with dylan cotner ( xander berkeley  who interestingly also appeared in t2 )  the unisol program has engineered a tougher  fiercer fighting force with the help of super - computer seth . unfortunately  upon hearing that the program has been axed by the government  seth takes control of his soldiers  killing everyone in the building except for luc  his partner maggie  his daughter hillary and erin  a reporter trapped inside . the rest of the film involves luc trying to keep them all alive  while beating up a group of near - indestructible soldiers  most notably romeo ( popular wrestler goldberg ) . there are lots of fights  gun battles  lame plot developments and a noticeable lack of plausibility . there are so many clich ? s in this film that it is almost painful to watch . luc gets saddled with the task of saving erin the reporter early on  and in the course of a single night  they go from bickering to falling for each other  to kissing . erin is a pathetically - written character ; people are getting brutally gunned down all around her  and yet  not only does this not seem to frighten her  but she finds time to remind luc that she " isn ', t leaving without her story " . whatever . other laughable moments include a ) luc going to a strip club to get internet access ( what ? ) and b ) a group of rangers  who after having been given good advice ( luc tells them that their weapons are useless  and shows them a specific gun which should work better )  choose to go into battle with their useless weapons anyway ( guess who wins the battle ? ) . not one single scene in universal soldier : the return has any originality to it . when fuelled by don davis ', loud  driving music score  the film ', s many fights become almost passable  but mostly are full of the same ol ', jean - claude moves . director mic rodgers ( a former stunt co - ordinator ) keeps the action coming at a rapid pace  with only a few token serious moments to be found . his past work is evident in the many moments when characters are thrown through windows  tossed off of buildings or sent flying through the air thanks to an explosion . if only jean - claude weren ', t getting so old and slow compared to younger martial arts film actors like jet li  rodgers could probably have made a decent action film . to place the blame squarely at van damme ', s feet  however  is an injustice . i ', m not sure that anyone  not even robert deniro or edward norton  could make writers william malone and john fasano ', s script sound good . one particularly painful scene is when erin asks luc how he is so sure that the aforementioned strip club will have internet access . he cringes  looks down and mutters " uh . . . uhm . . . they all do  i saw it on 60 minutes . eh he he he " the script ', s and indeed the entire film ', s only saving grace is goldberg . he chews up every scene he is in  obviously enjoying his role immensely . he even gives the film a few laughs  as he mutters things like " i really don ', t like that guy " every time he fails to kill luc . sadly  his presence is not enough to turn universal soldier : the return into anything better than a below - average action film that truly deserves to have joined its fellow sequels by going straight - to - video .
neg the plot of big momma ', s house is martin lawrence in a fat suit and a dress . that ', s not just the high - concept premise ; it ', s the fully - realized  all - encompassing plot . such an emphasis is not unheard - of in the world of hollywood summer entertainment . one need merely look back to last summer  when the plot of big daddy was adam sandler being an incompetent surrogate parent . the trap inherent in such an approach is that the high - concept plot idea better be pretty well - realized  or rest on the shoulders of an extremely talented performer  because you can bet there will be nothing else worth a second of your time -- not a developed character  not a provocative theme  not a witty twist . you will get 90 - plus minutes of martin lawrence in a fat suit and a dress -- nothing more  nothing less . those who find martin lawrence more than an occasionally amusing screen presence may have a shot at enjoying the one - note dud that is big momma ', s house . others will simply stare  mouth agape  at its sheer unapologetic laziness . lawrence plays fbi agent malcolm turner  an undercover expert on a stakeout assignment with his partner john ( paul giamatti ) . dangerous convicted bank robber and murderer lester vesco ( terrence howard ) has escaped from prison  and the feds think he ', s headed for his former girlfriend and presumed - but - never - proved accomplice sherry ( nia long ) . sherry  however  has fled with her son trent ( jascha washington )  possibly to visit her grandmother hattie mae ( ella mitchell )  better known as big momma . indeed  sherry appears to be on her way  but big momma is headed out of town without knowing sherry is coming . that leaves master of disguise malcolm to go under very heavy cover as big momma and find out what sherry knows . big momma ', s house ', s bloodlines are certainly traceable to mrs . doubtfire -- director raja gosnell edited that film  and the makeup effects were similarly created by greg cannom -- but there ', s just as strong a whiff of tootsie in the main character ', s attempt to use his alternate identity to get closer to a woman . unfortunately  big momma ', s house makes a ridiculous decision neither of those other films made : instead of having the protagonist pose as a completely manufactured character unfamiliar to anyone elses  it places malcolm in the position of playing a friend and family member to several other characters . suspension of disbelief in big momma ', s house requires you to believe every other person in the film is blind and / or stupid  since no one notices that one big momma looks or sounds absolutely nothing like the other . of course  laughs trumps logic every time  and big momma ', s house probably still would have worked in spite of its utter disdain for common sense if it had just managed to be funny . and it misses its best possible opportunity for some great farce by ignoring the simple fact that the real big momma is set up as a foul - tempered beast  while malcolm has to be nurturing in order to get the information he wants out of sherry . unfortunately  no one involved appears to have the faintest idea how to deal with the comic gold mine involved in one real person pretending to be another  very different real person  so they fall back on an endless parade of sight gags : malcolm reacting violently to big momma ', s explosive diarrhea attack ; malcolm - as - momma schooling a pair of cocky teens in basketball ; malcolm trying to avoid detection as various prostheses give way at inopportune moments ; malcolm delivering a baby because big momma is the town midwife ( one of the few sequences that works ) . martin lawrence can be likeable enough at times  but there ', s no reason to care a whit about his budding romance with sherry because malcolm is never an independently significant character . he ', s just big momma without the makeup on . i won ', t waste time commenting on how ineptly the set - up of the escaped convict is employed  since it was clearly a waste of time to the film - makers . there are a few token scenes of lester looming as a threatening figure  but he ', s ultimately a distraction in a film that ', s really about its central visual incongruity ( and the accompanying lascivious glances at nia long ', s posterior ) . i ', m never prepared to underestimate how appealing that idea may be to other people -- several million of them apparently found adam sandler as an incompetent surrogate parent appealing -- but i know that when a film - maker tries to throw a concept at me and pretend that it ', s an entire film  i duck out of the way . the gross implausibility of big momma ', s house might have been tolerable if it was seasoned with more big  cleverly - constructed laughs . its lack of big laughs might have been tolerable if its characters were at all relevant . big momma ', s house is ridiculous _and_ not funny . it ', s just a sad exercise in the jaded presumption that any scene should be considered wacky and hilarious if it involves martin lawrence in a fat suit and a dress .
neg starring william baldwin ; cindy crawford & steven berkoff all right  the first problem that fair game has is the casting of supermodel cindy crawford in the lead role . not that cindy does that bad  it ', s just that anyone who watches this film knows from moment one that that little bit of casting was not done because of cindy ', s extraordinary acting skills  but for her extraordinary ability to look drop dead gorgeous in any situation . and in fair game most situations tend to find cindy either soaking wet or very hot and sweaty  but i ', m sure that that is just a coincidence  no doubt that these situations were essential to the plot and the fact that cindy looks great wet  well  that ', s just a happy coincidence . sure . william baldwin isn ', t a bad actor . unfortunately  he just doesn ', t demonstrate it at all in this movie . i ', m not sure if that ', s because most of his lines were just so hokey  or if he was trying to make cindy ', s acting look good . if it was the latter  it worked . cindy does a surprisingly good job here in her first movie . which is not to say that she doesn ', t have room for improvement . although to be fair to cindy  her lines were kinda cheesy in places . so right about now you are no doubt asking yourself what sort of movie does cindy crawford  arguably the most beautiful woman on the planet  chose for her foray into the world of cinema ? well  i ', m glad you asked that question . cindy plays a lawyer who by some convoluted plot twists becomes a target for former elite kgb agents . why woud they target someone as likable as cindy  you ask ? by the end of the movie you won ', t care . the story is so contrived it isn ', t funny . anyway after cindy gets blown out of the window of her house  without getting so much as a scratch i might add  she is placed into protective police custody under the watchful eve of william baldwin . who ', s character  max kilpatric  a police detective  seems to possess the skills of some sort of fighting machine ( my guess is that the writers have seen way too many of steven seagal ', s early films ) . the point is that the idea of the crawford and baldwin ', s characters of the run from these killer russians isn ', t all that bad of an idea  it ', s just everything around that basic idea which kinda stinks out loud . the supporting cast members are nothing more that over acted stereotypes . if i was baldwin  i ', d hope this film disappears . as for crawford  she may indeed have some acting ability . unfortunately  any she does have is obscured by writing that goes beyond bad . this movie was obviously written with cindy in mind  since the writers spend most of their time finding ways to capitalize off of her looks . it ', s too bad they hadn ', t spent more time on a half decent plot  since ms . crawford is more than capable of looking just fine all by herself thank you very much . unless you are a huge fan of either baldwin or crawford this is a movie that will only disappoint you .
neg take a look at the following equation . . . . a christmas carol + ghostbusters = scrooged yes  scrooged is the odd mixture of sentiment  comedy and horror you would get if you mixed those two elements toghether . scrooged is alternatively sick  gross  funny  and then sickly soppy . bill murray plays frank cross  a t . v executive with a horrible personality . he ', s evil to secretary  actors  crew  everyone  except the t . v ', s station ', s boss  of course ( played by the late robert mitchum ) however  he is then visited by a very dead exec  who warns cross that he will be visited by three ghosts  past  present and future ( who is called the ghost of yet to come  for some reason ) sure enough  they arrive  show cross how much of a s . o . b he is  and he changes his way . however  throughout this simple plot  we ', ve got to suffer outlandish special effects  poor comedy  and an very  very mean performance from bill murray . frank cross isn ', t ', funny ', mean  he ', s just mean . he also isn ', t very good at emotional scenes  and totally destroys the last ten minutes of the film  with an utterly desperate speech saying how great christmas is  and how he has changed . however  the supporting cast are ok  with good performances from mitchum  allen ( who plays his girlfriend ) and john glover ( who plays cross ', s ', partner ', ) the ghost of christmas past isn ', t that bad either . sadly  though  the audience has to suffer 25 minutes of ', home alone ', style violence from the ghost of christmas present  played by carol kane . whoever thought smacking that kane smacking murray in the head with a toaster was funny  should be fired straight away . and the audience also has to suffer bobcat goldthwait ( the guy with the annoying voice in police academy 3  if i remeber correctly . . . . ) who  thankfully  dosen ', t say much . the script is horrendous . michael o ', donaghue churns out terrible  bad taste jokes ( which i guess is the whole point really ) then changes direction completely to emotional scenes . and he must of been on some drug when he wrote the final ten minutes  which are awful . the special effects look nice  but do nothing for the film . there ', s some impressive make up effects also . the music is also good  which is scored by danny elfman . but great effects and make up don ', t make a great film . scrooged is an appaling attempt to inject some christmas spirit into the audience  seeing as the first 1 hour 20 minutes of the film are so depressing anyway  and the last ten minutes had to make up for it with an godawful speech . why didn ', t cross just look out his exec window  and ask a young boy to buy a goose for him ? overall  then  you ', d have a much better christmas if you avoid this film like something that should be avoided ( perhaps a plague )
neg synopsis : a maniac  crazed by virulent microphage  slaughters more than twenty people  including a street gang and heavily - armed troops  with a small knife . even with a handgun  however  he can ', t take out the two cops who are after him  despite having shot one of them a total of seven times . comments : the most notable aspect of adrenalin : fear the rush is that it marks a striking career move for natasha henstridge . not only does she manage to keep all her clothes on ( her trademark in earlier films such as species and maximum risk was to strip naked as often as possible )  but she actually puts on even more clothes as the film progresses . this will probably disappoint many henstridge fans  but i welcome the change because henstridge is an attractive  capable actress who deserves less exploitative roles ( though  i admit  it doesn ', t show in this mess ) . henstridge  just like every other actor in the film  delivers a wooden performance in this monumental turkey . ( the cast also includes christopher lambert  who has appeared in the highlander and mortal kombat films . ) how on earth this movie got two big - name stars to appear in it is beyond me . adrenalin : fear the rush is set in boston ten years in the future ( 2007 ) . boston has changed dramatically in those ten years . it is now home to a bunch of interred foreigners and policed by cops who drive around in small cars with " policia " printed on their doors . some guy has a really bad virus  and he ', s killing people because of it . so  the brave good guys ( lambert and henstridge ) go after him . that ', s it . 76 minutes never seemed so long . this is a drawn - out chase scene through dimly - lit abandoned buildings turned into an entire movie . the plot development is nil ; we learn absolutely nothing about lambert ', s character and very little about henstridge ', s character . the dialogue is littered with unnecessary obscenities and concerns mindnumbingly idiotic arguments over who will go down the next dark corridor / tunnel / airduct next and who will carry the flashlight . a subplot does exist involving henstridge ', s character ', s illegal attempt to get her son out of boston . in her opening monologue  a monologue which sounds as though henstridge was reading from cue cards  we learn that she has gone to great lengths to secure a fake passport for her son . twenty minutes into the film  i wondered if the movie would have been better if it focused on this plot . in a defining scene of the movie  however  i changed my mind . this fake passport drops to the ground . lambert ', s cop immediately recognizes it as a fraud from six feet away . must not have been a good fake . this emphasizes another fault with the film . things just defy common sense . lambert ', s cop  for instance  is shot seven times  yet he is still able to talk and slide about . adrenalin : fear the rush ends in a trite manner that doesn ', t seem to even fit the mood that the filmmakers were trying for . i found myself rather bored with this film  which will disappoint both sci - fi / horror fans and fans of henstridge and lambert . don ', t fear the rush . fear the movie . watch something else .
neg post - chasing amy  a slew of love - triangle movies : this month we have kissing a fool  co - starring amy ', s own lee  and april brings us the object of my affection  which may as well be titled chasing allan  for it is the story of a woman who falls in love with her gay roommate . ( to be absolutely six degrees of kevin bacon about it  that film stars schwimmer ', s friend jennifer aniston . ) if only kevin smith could write them all . . . schwimmer stars as womanizing chicago sportscaster max  who falls in love with his best friend jay ( lee ) ', s book editor samantha ( avital ) a mere twenty - four hours after meeting her . they are soon engaged  and max  because of his own raging libido  grows suspicious of samantha ', s fidelity . he convinces jay to flirt with samantha during the development of his book  to " test her " . the trouble is  jay might be secretly in love with her . to stretch this flat  sitcom premise to feature length  the plot is framed by a climactic wedding  at which bonnie hunt recounts the triangular tale -- the events leading up to the nuptials -- to an annoying fat man and his silly girlfriend . hunt has the best comic timing of anyone in the film ; schwimmer can spin bad dialogue into mildly humorous dialogue ; and lee  poor lee  is miscast . so hysterically funny in chasing amy  here he is forced to repress his comic instincts : to swear  to yell  to talk about oral sex . . . the script ', s idea of a character trait is to stress that jay is a " sensitive man "  and then show him drinking pepto bismol when he ', s stewing over his girl trouble . as for avital  an israeli actress  she is warm and sweet  but we don ', t know anything about her character other than that it takes her an incredibly long time to realize the most obvious things . she also too closely resembles the stunningly beautiful kari wuhrer  who plays schwimmer ', s assistant and personal temptress  turning that particular subplot into an unintentional riff on vertigo . there are a handful  a smattering  of good scenes in kissing a fool . i enjoyed a moment in a comedy club  during which jay gets up and asks " has anyone here ever hated their girlfriend so much you wanted to kill her ? " over and over until he ', s booted off stage . there are also a few obviously improvised lines that are fresher than anything that ', s on the page . kissing a fool is never as clever as the thursday night joke - machine friends that spawned schwimmer ', s movie career  so save yourself eight dollars and watch three episodes of that series back to back .
neg yet another brainless teen flick  this one is about  surprise  drugs and sex . stars katie holmes and sarah polly couldn ', t look more bored . their characters are cardboard cut - outs of every cliched teenager out there . one thing you need to know is i really hated this movie . everything about it annoyed the hell out of me . the acting  and script  the plot  and ending . the director ( of the fluke hit swingers ) could have very well directed a bunch of no - name actors and had a watchabe film . the " big " stars of go pretty much drown the project of any originality . i felt like i was watching dawson ', s creek episode 200 . although the film still would have stayed at red despite its cast . the " surprise " ending was sooo predictable . since when is a male character ', s sudden outing of the closet considered a surprise in hollywood anymore ? ? go is dawson ', s creek + varsity blues - she ', s all that = go home and watch something else .
neg set in harlem during the great depression  rival gangster " families " go to war over control of " the numbers "  an illegal gambling lottery . " runners " take bets from potential lottery winners and deliver them to private locations for drawings . the undisputed leader of the harlem numbers is the madame queen ( cicely tyson ) who is challenged by dutch schulz ( tim roth )  a ruthless hoodlum . by turning against the queen  dutch defies his partner  the infamous lucky luciano ( andy garcia )  who wishes to respect the queen and keep the peace . the queens ', army strengthens when an acquaintance  ellsworth " bumpy " johnson ( lawrence fishburne ) is released from prison and becomes a bodyguard for her . he proves himself worthy in short time as he thwarts an assassination attempt ( on himself and the queen )  and later takes control of the queens army when she is jailed for tax evasion . bumpy ', s reign is not as restrained and subdued as the queen and he declares all out war on dutch . bloody gang warfare ensues . bumpy faces many obstacles during his reign . his new army questions his methods . his girlfriend ( vanessa l . williams ) and the queen disagree with his violent solutions . most importantly ( in his eyes )  dutch has become a more formidable foe than he imagined  and seeks help from lucky luciano to assassinate him . there have been so many movies dealing with organized crime that it must be hard to write an original story dealing with it . this movie is not original at all . in fact  i was angered by how many similarities there was between this film and  arguably  the best gangster movie of all time  the godfather . if you are going to borrow ideas from another movie and not give credit  why not borrow from a lesser known movie ( say  millers crossing ? ) . how could the credited screenwriter chris brancato not give credit to mario puzo himself ? here are just some of the major similarities ( i stopped counting at 10 ) . crooked cop assaults blood relative of the leader . gang extracts revenge on crooked cop . wife ( or girlfriend ) questions her partners ', murderous activities and leaves him . high ranking " officer " betrays the leader . blood relative of the leader murdered . war erupting between the " families " . high - ranking officer disapproves of the leader in front of other family members . new leader runs family differently from previous leader . large meeting with all families involved . the setup in this movie is done rather well . i enjoyed the portrayal of the network of " runners " sprinting through the streets collecting bets for the queens lottery . this was the way of life in harlem  and most people involved with the queen did so because it was the only way to support their families and put food on the table . number running was the only way for the harlem population to find work . i also enjoyed the interaction between the angry  violent dutch and the calm  patient lucky . after about the 30 - 40 minute mark all of the similarities with the godfather start appearing  one after the other ( and in short order ) . it was a huge distraction  and an insult to my intelligence . who was the screenwriter kidding here ? some of the individual performances were well done . andy garcia was very convincing as lucky  unfortunately his screen time is reduced to a supporting role . tim roth effectively plays the cocky villain  much like his roles in " the cook  the thief  his wife and her lover " and " rob roy " . the good performances and convincing setup during the first third of the movie do not make up for the lackluster story that follows . a couple of coincidences is one thing  over a dozen is an insult . directed by bill duke ellsworth bumpy johnson . . . . . . . lawrence fishburne dutch schultz . . . . . . . . . . . . tim roth lucky luciano . . . . . . . . . . andy garcia the queen . . . . . . . . . . . . . cicely tyson francine hughes . . . . . . . . . . vanessa l . williams illinois gordon . . . . . . . . . . chi mcbride written by randy turgeon  january 22  1998
neg at first glance  i thought that the sword and the sorceror had promise . its plotline goes like this : the evil king cromwell  desiring to take over the world  resurrects an evil  ancient sorceror  xusia for power . he attacks the kingdom of eh - dan and kills young prince talon ', s parents . given a triple - bladed sword ( which can shoot bad guys  like a gun ) by his dying father  talon vows for revenge . eleven years later  when he ', s established his own army  the mercaneries  he vows to take back his kingdom . along the way  he meets up with alana  whose village is attacked by drunken guards and her brother is kidnapped by cromwell . talon vows to help  and  after a series of minor escapades  eventually ends up rescuing alana ', s brother ( and several other prisoners )  only to be captured himself ( in other words  put on a cross to be crucified ! ) . fortunately he frees himself  rescues alana from marrying cromwell  defeats xusia  and then cromwell  all with his triple bladed sword ( during the final battle  the blade breaks  but talon finishes cromwell off by using a hidden dagger in the blade ) . then  everything ends happily . unfortunately  the sword and the sorcerer is not even half as good as it sounds . what would have been a great film is completely destroyed by uneven plot jumping  bad acting  and gruesomely gory  bloody scenes . never once does the story seem to connect together  it just jumps around repeatedly . this problem is extremely noticeable in the opening scene where cromwell resurrects xusia . after telling him that he needs his help  he leads the warlock out into daylight  but then stabs him and sends him careening off a cliff afterwards . wait a minute  didn ', t the plotline say that he needs the help of xusia in order to invade eh - dan  which he cannot do by military force ? if that is the case  why does he dispose of xusia after resurrecting him ? and why does he manage to take over eh - dan anyway ? these questions are just never - no  never - answered in the film . another example is that one moment we see talon fighting for his life  another moment we see him just about to be crucified during alana ', s wedding to cromwell ( ! )  and finally at the end  instead of settling down with alana  he just tells her to " wait "  and then he just rides off ! in addition to the extremely bloody scenes  this uneven plot jumping completely destroys what would have been a great fantasy adventure . even some attempts to make it exciting  a few fire scenes  battle scenes  don ', t work . it just completely fails altogether miserably . the only good thing about this film is its musical score  contributed by david whittaker  who had an ( extremely ) short music composing career . the score is boomy and adventurous  powerful  and a billion times better than this film is . my suggestion : steer the hell away from this bloody mess and buy the soundtrack album instead ( if you can find it ) . ironically  though  before the film ', s credits roll  there is a message indicating that a sequel  tales of the ancient empire  would follow . to my relief ( and delight )  it never got into production  because the sword and the sorcerer laid an egg at the box office  grossing only $ 39 million . critics were right on in slamming the sword and the sorcerer  all right . leonard maltin rightfully called it " second rate in scripting  and acting " and at - a - glance film reviews called it " a confusing  stupid  unimaginative  unengaging  bloodfilled bore " . i totally agree with these reviews  all right  and i hope that this piece of #$% ! will be forgotten about . there are far better fantasy movies than the sword and the sorcerer . i hope you get a good laugh out of this review  but i am not laughing . in fact  my insults don ', t even come close to the gruesome sickness that this film gave me throughout its 100 minute running time .
neg this movie stinks ! although it is professionally crafted and there are some decent performances  the plot is so bad it drags the film into the abyss . i knew i was in for trouble when  during the opening establishment shots  we see a detailed close - up of warrant officer paul brenner ', s ( john travolta ) military identification card and it is the wrong color . this might seem like a minor detail  but anyone who has spent anytime with the military knows that active duty identification cards are green and dependant cards are yellow . and what about the senior military officer whose uniform shirt is so wrinkled he looks like he is a recruit on his first day of training . or what about when brenner tells a suspect that  because he is in the military  he doesn ', t have the right not to answer his questions even though these rights were central to military law well before the miranda decision . how hard is it to get someone familiar with the military to check these facts ? now details like this could be overlooked if the underlying story held up  but this story is so full of holes it is painful to sit through . for example  at the beginning of the film  paul brenner  an undercover army investigator  gets into a gun and knife battle at his off - post houseboat and winds - up killing an arms dealer he had been investigating . the local police investigating the death are openly hostile to the military and they discover that brenner has been lying to them about the killing . but instead of arresting him  or at least take him into custody for further questioning  they release him . duh ! ultimately  brenner gets assigned to investigate the murder and possible rape of the commanding general ', s daughter  a young captain also assigned to the post . when brenner finds graphic sex tapes featuring the general ', s daughter  does he use them to generate a suspect list and begin grilling suspects . no  his instinct is to suppress them because they might be potentially embarrassing . eventually  brenner discovers that this murder is related to a violent gang rape at west point eight years earlier . i won ', t even go into the totally unbelievable rationale for the army ', s suppression of this horrendous crime . i will just mention one final flaw . brenner is investigating a crime that occurred in georgia . the rape occurred in west point  which is in new york . he is under a very tight ( and totally implausible ) 36 - hour deadline to solve this case . he needs to discuss the rape with a psychiatrist at west point . does he phone the doctor ? no  he travels ( via some unexplained very fast transport ) to new york to question the psychiatrist in person  and then he returns to georgia ( again by the miracle transport )  without once worrying about the impact any of this will have on his deadline . you have been warned  stay away from this one .
neg " it was not scary . " these are the first words that came to mind after it was over . when a movie is called _vampires_  " not scary " aren ', t words that should be associated with it . but that wasn ', t my only gripe . john carpenter is a name associated with cutting - edge cinema  as in the intense scares of _halloween_  _the thing_ and _the prince of darkness_  or the offbeat action of _they live_ and _escape from new york_ . unfortunately  the only thing that is cutting edge about _vampires_ is the level of boredom the movie is able to reach . with an anemic plot and not - quite - kosher special effects  _john carpenter ', s vampires_ has barely enough substance to slake the thirst of even the least discerning genre fan . the film is at first concerned with a group of roaming vampire slayers  led by james woods  of all people . like some sort of holy a - team ( they even have their own souped - up van )  the bunch invade and wipe out a nest of vampires in a new mexico shack . their method is amusingly innovative : the blood - suckers are reeled out with harpoons so they can flare up in the sun like matchsticks . to commemorate their victory  the loutish band decorates a motel room with hookers and parties the night away . their celebration is short - lived  however  as a master vampire named valek ambushes and single - handedly destroys most of the team . woods ', jack crow and buddy montoya ( daniel baldwin ) escape with their lives  along with a woman named katrina ( sheryl lee ) . although the woman has been bitten  montoya and crow decide to keep katrina for her psychic link to the master vampire . the rest of the movie is concerned with the boys ', hunt for valek ( thomas ian griffith )  a freaky marilyn manson - type who ', s on a mission that dates back 600 years . along the way they pick up a priest named guiteau ( tim guinee )  a character who serves pretty much the same purpose as the jittery cpl . upham in _saving private ryan_ . some stuff happens in the middle of the movie  but i can ', t remember most of it  because i often found a twitching hair in the corner of the frame more interesting than what was happening on screen . _vampires_ finally starts to pick up about 90 minutes into the mix  as crow  guiteau  and montoya assault an abandoned prison - turned vampire nest . only then does the film begin to even resemble a carpenter flick . but it ', s too little too late . we get the inevitable final confrontation  but it seems tacked on and rather anti - climactic ( come on  we ', re dealing with _the_ master vampire here ! ) interestingly  last summer ', s vampire actioner _blade_ was derived from a comic book  and _vampires_ from a novel  yet the latter seems more steeped in campy cheesiness than the former  a more deliberate superhero flick . woods ', jack crow spouts glib off - the - cuff one - liners and strolls away from exploding buildings with that oh - so - cool stride . and his motive for killing vampires ? take a wild guess . ( hint : a ______ killed his _____ when he was just a _____ . ) at least _blade_ had decent action and slick stylishness . _vampires_ lacks even cheap thrills to mask its gossamer - thin plot . to make up for this  the movie resorts to other " shocks  " such as its generally condescending attitude towards women ( crow slaps them around for the fun of it ) and an overplayed contempt for religion ( crow teases guiteau incessantly about whether his vow of celibacy has made him prone to " getting woodies . " ) it can be argued that maybe i wanted too much from this movie . if not scary and gory  i wanted tense  relentless  and exhausting . _john carpenter ', s vampires_ is none of these . i can only recommended it for the hardcore carpenter fan . for the rest of you looking for a good scare  beware : _vampires_ is a film with no teeth .
neg perhaps best remembered as the recently departed news anchor on saturday night live who always started the segment with " . . . this is the fake news  " norm macdonald  at times  could elicit some laughter by blurting out semi - offensive phrases in his raspy voice  coated with a condescending attitude . his shtick was marked by crassness . in this movie  for example  when his girlfriend says that she ', s kicking him out because he ', s been fired from 14 different jobs over the last 3 months  he tries to calm the situation by saying  " maybe you ', ll feel better after we have some dirty sex . " this kind of humor can only go so far  but certainly can ', t go the distance in a full - length feature . " dirty work "  is nothing more than a sophomoric comedy about two best friends who grow up only physically . emotionally  they ', ve never outgrown their pubescent years  which is somewhat amusingly explored in a beginning flashback . although having no apparent real world skills  the one thing that these two have always been adept at is getting back at people . if the meter maid was unjust in giving you a ticket  then dump a bunch of unpopped kernels of corn onto the engine block and watch the car burst apart . mitch ( norm macdonald ) and sam ( artie lange ) need to come up with $ 50  000 in a period of two weeks so that sam ', s dad ( jack warden ) can have a heart operation . their idea is to start a revenge - for - hire business where they ', ll do your dirty work . in the funniest scene ( and possibly the only funny scene ) of the movie  they take advantage of a live television shoot at a nearby used car lot . their presence is established  but when a less - than - honorable real estate developer hires them and then reneges on the payment  the two go to work to exact their sordid brand of revenge . by default  dirty work should treat us to some outrageous revenge plots  but it delivers jerky boys level material . except for the bit at the used car lot ( and possibly another episode that involves frat brothers )  the dirty work is uninspired and becomes about as funny as a prank phone call . already weak on material  it further spirals itself towards the video store by having jack warden constantly blurt out that he has an unsatisfied libido and needs ', broads ', and also includes a very unfunny chevy chase as a bumbling doctor with a gambling addiction . but what ', s really painfully evident is that norm macdonald has no versatility as an actor . relying on his trademark of speaking into his personal recorder and saying " note to self " ( " note to self : learn to fight  " he says after getting beat up ; " note to self : there ', s always beer  " he says after hitting rock bottom ; etc . )  we feel like we ', re just watching an elongated rehash of his not - so - glorious days on saturday night live . much like the television show  for 90 minutes we get one or two funny bits . the rest of the story is just dead space .
neg summer movies are  by nature  dumb affairs that are usually made for some quick enjoyment and to make money . wild wild west  the latest will smith affair  follows much the same formula  except that it is dumber and less enjoying than most summer movies . will smith plays jim west  a black sheriff with a nice line in sunglasses . he is called by president grant ( kline ) to go on a mission to find out why top government scientists are disappearing . west is paired up with scientist artemus gordon ( kline again ) and the two track the missing scientists to a legless mastermind  named dr . loveless ( branagh  with a zany moustache . ) before i pile on with the many negatives in this sorry affair  i ', ll give it a chance with the positives . there ', s a nice credit sequence  the production design by bo welch is pleasing to the eye  and the special effects are decent enough . there ', s also a pleasant soundtrack . buried deep in the dross are one or two amusing jokes . and salma hayek pops up as the female interest  which is always nice to see . apart from these factors  though  nothing else in wild wild west works . firstly  there ', s little chemistry between smith and kline  who appears to be in it purely for the money . one would expect zingers passing between the two : none arise . both of them plod through the below standard plot  knowing that there is a pay cheque waiting at the end . not even kenneth branagh provides much entertainment : although he is over the top  the material doesn ', t present much opportunity for branagh to be truly crazy . therefore  he just comes across as loud as obnoxious . the only enjoyable performance comes from the sexy salma hayek  who is given so little screen time it ', s embarrassing . she appears to be in the film to merely show off her body  and be ogled at by kline and smith . her character also changes at a whim to fit the mechanics of the script  and there is no sense of realism about the character . the ', humour ', in the film is also very off . will smith put a little spin to his daft lines in men in black  here  not even smith could save the humour on display . the script largely boils down to insults that aren ', t very funny  and one - liners that barely raise a smirk . it ', s also somewhat racist  although it doesn ', t intend to be  with one scene with jim west trying to wisecrack his way out of a lynching  and actually says slavery is good to save himself . it ', s not a funny scene  and the whole thing comes off rather uncomfortably . the film also makes the tragic mistake that a man ( in this case kline ) in a dress is automatically unfunny  it isn ', t  but the wild wild west makes this joke even more painful to watch through pure ineptness . there ', s also problems with the plot . jim west and artemus gordon get caught up in all kinds of sticky situations  but the way they get out of them are always unsatisfying  and rely purely on luck  rather than audience pleasing skill . plot elements are introduced into the film  and then thrown away just as quickly . the main piece of the story  a 80 foot mechanical  steam driven spider devised by loveless looks rather impressive  but there ', s no particular reason why it should be built . why not loveless build a great big tank  instead of an ungainly  fragile piece of machinery that ', s just begging to be blown up ? director barry sonnenfeld always has a breezy look to them  with some nice camera tricks  but even this is missing from this stilted affair . wild wild west could have benefited from sonnenfelds whacked out style of directing  but not much of it is evident  making this film drag out even more . it ', s a sad thing when _four_ ( credited ) screenwriters  a talented director and a willing star can ', t make a film work  and eventually wild wild west collapses under it ', s sexist  mildly racist  unfunny weight .
neg what were they thinking ? nostalgia for the seventies is bad enough  but do we really need an eighties film ? robbie hart ( adam sandler ) used to want to be a rock and roll star  but in 1985 he ', s singing at weddings and having a good time . a romantic at heart  he loves weddings and is just about to get married to his high - school sweetie . when she leaves him waiting at the altar  his tune changes to " love stinks " . he meets waitress julia ( drew barrymore ) who is engaged to a junk - bonds salesman and you know that they are going to get together . in fact you know everything that is going to happen during this movie . sandler is somewhat adequate in his leading man role  but there is no spark . barrymore doesn ', t seem to be able to convey anything other than a pretty face with nothing behind it : beauty but no attitude . both characters are just there . bit parts by steve buscemi and jon lovitz steal the show . the eighties are shoved in our face . references to deloreans  madonna  " dallas "  ivana and donald  burt and loni and " miami vice " get old fast . the filmmakers must have realized that there wasn ', t much entertainment to the story and thought they could dazzle the audience with humorous period allusions . they ', re not funny and it doesn ', t work . with change on all fronts accelerating more and more  nostalgia appears to have a great appeal  but don ', t you think we could have more than 14 years before we yearn for the past . maybe we can look forward to a film next year waxing nostalgically about el nino . ( michael redman has written this column for over 23 years and he knows that nostalgia is not what it used to be . )
neg and just when you thought joblo was getting a little soft around the corners  not rating anything lower than your standard " this movie sucks "  along comes this cinematic atrocity and he ', s forced to take out his secret weapon and spray it with a stench so thick  even the bravest movie - goer would think twice about seeing this waste of time . yes  despite being a third sequel to a successful original movie  the latest highlander doesn ', t seem to have anything going for it . oh stinky movie  let me count thee ways . . . plot : ( from what i understood ) a really bad highlander dude comes to the present looking to whack out the nice highlander dudes in order to gain their power and become the mightiest immortal . . . or something along those lines . critique : a complete and utter mess . disjointed  incoherent  boring  corny  filled with bad dialogue . . . and that ', s just the first thirty minutes ! this film doesn ', t seem to know what to do with itself . it ', s confusing to anyone who doesn ', t know the series ( i include myself in that group ) and apparently idiotic to those who do know the series ( i include die - hard highlander fan the arrow in that group ) . the film doesn ', t explain anything about itself . . . it just goes from one inexplicable situation to another . one moment they ', re in the present time  the next moment  they ', re in italy in the 1600s . why ? who knows . what are they talking about ? no idea . flashbacks mixed in with the present  mixed in with a few spontaneously cheesy fight sequences every now and again  and i even remember seeing one flashback scene which went even further into its own flashback scene ! ! hullo . . . ? ! ? confused yet ? i was and i basically stopped giving a crap about anyone in the film when i realized that neither the writer or director was interested in presenting me with any kind of semblance of a story . random swordplay  mad max - like dudes showing up in motorcycles in the 1800s ? or were they in the present at that time ? who knows . . . and to be honest . . . who seriously cares ! this series should have been shot in the head and put out of its own misery a long time ago  but sadly  someone at the studio decided that it still had a little life left in it . please  please . . . for the love of god and all that is holy in the world of movie - making  and mostly out of respect for those who loved the original film  put this series to bed and end it ! even christopher lambert knew enough to play second fiddle to adrian paul in this one . the director also tries to do the best he can with the muddled material  but all he could come up with is plenty of slo - mo action  some fast - motion fight scenes and lots of smoke everywhere . and is there anything spectacular about the sword - play or fight scenes ? nope . and i think we all could have done without all those zooming lambert face close - ups . . . yipes  the man is not aging gracefully  is he ? oh boy  and i haven ', t even gotten around to the greatest piece of over - acting that i ', ve seen in years . the man who plays kell in this movie  bruce payne  should get a ham trophy for literally chewing up every piece of scenery that he gets near . overacting is not a hobby for this guy . . . it ', s a living ! he ', s also very funny  not purposely though . all in all  the movie stinks . nuff said .
neg ` bats ', is an insulting slap across the face for any dedicated horror movie fan . to pull something like this off  you need to have a sense of wit and style  with a heavy dosage of humor to back up the process if the fright factor ever declines . something like the underground worm thriller ` tremors ', had just the perfect mixture of these elements  and in return  the film was tremendous fun . with the notable exception of a wisecracking supporting player  ` bats ', mainly plays it ', s premise for straight - arrow horror . judging by the ridiculous premise  this was not exactly a wise move . the movie attempts to capture the essence of alfred hitchcock ', s ` the birds ',  but fails miserably . done right  it could have been adequately amusing halloween cinema . unfortunately  ` bats ', is a prime example of a formula movie done terribly  terribly wrong . the only thing amusing about this festering pile of guano is in how intelligible the filmmakers anticipate their core audience to be . i will recite the following paragraph in a manner that will reach the audience of individuals to whom ` bats ', is aimed toward . those guys in hollywood have made a movie about bats . these bats are not very nice  because they eat a lot of people . boy  are these bats ugly . they are infected with this bogus virus that makes them super - duper smart . they ', ve got big claws and red eyes and they are not very friendly at all . a whole bunch of people in texas get killed  so a sheriff guy and a scientist lady are brought in to kill the bats . they have big guns and other cool things to fight them with  but the bats are pretty smart  so it ', s sorta hard to do . the bats swoop down and they shoot at them to make they go away for good . but no  ` bats ', is probably too violent for pre - schoolers . the film  directed by louis morneau  should have ventured straight into video stores . on the small screen  perhaps more fun could have been derived with lower expectations . but sitting through this crapper on the big screen is almost awkward ; although at a few moments it becomes a guilty pleasure  the film is poorly written  poorly acted and executed with glaring ineptitude . even the bats themselves are cheesy  and the attack sequences too rushed and jittery to be properly enjoyed . the sheriff in the story is emmett kimsey ( lou diamond phillips )  who embodies every pathetic stereotype a small - town authority figure usually portrays ( he chomps on a cigar  struts contentedly in his boots  etc . . . ) . the scientist is dr . sheila casper ( dina meyer )  who specializes in flying mammals and is classified as ` the best in her field ', . meyer uses a lot of technical terms designed to make the movie seem more intellectually capable  but everything about dr . casper is recycled beyond recognition . her memories of how she became hooked on the topic of bats sounds suspiciously like oceanographic student matt hooper ', s tale of how he became infatuated with sharks in ` jaws ', . everything revolving around ` bats ', is tired drivel  which desperately requires some directorial style or acting capabilities to spruce it up . the supporting cast could have been constructed out of straw  with voices dubbed in later . in fact  that may have worked out better in the end . take one glance at casper ', s bat - loathing sidekick jimmy ( leon )  and you ', ll have immediate deja vu - he ', s the exact same humorous buddy caricature from every other movie  constructed specifically for timed comic relief . unfortunately  none of his comic interludes are funny . in the role of deranged mad scientist dr . mccabe  the reliable bob gunton gets cornered with the most hideously idiotic character in the bunch . mccabe ` accidentally ', released two experimental test subjects  and the virus spread to other bats . the entire town of gallup  texas is under attack from an enormous swarm of the creatures  but gunton appears to be inconspicuously contemplating something else . something like : ` when is the damn movie going to be over ? ? i just want my money . ', the bats are ugly  i must say . there ', s the occasional moment where they look moderately convincing  but mainly  the swarm is represented in cheesy digital imagery . only bits of the bloody action even hint at the campy fun the film could have been  but by the absurdly stupid climax  it ', s way too late in the game for a decent recovery . characters experiment in slaughtering the bats with gunfire . let ', s explore the logic there : is this really a very efficient way to decrease the bat population ? ? you could empty an entire clip at the flying winged serpents and not even wound one  and after that there are only 18  000 more of them . this kind of behavior represents the regular level of intelligence behind ` bats ', .
neg the most interesting part of " can ', t hardly wait " just happens to be not only the most human  but for many of us  the one part that many of us can easily relate to . that is the character of denise ( lauren ambrose )  the film ', s sole sarcastic member who mocks everything that goes on in the film  and at one point sits down on a couch and looks totally bored . the film wisely holds over this moment  nicely showing her alienation in the midst of a large high school party . . . almost too nicely . for some members of the audience ( read : me )  this is basically a mirror of what ', s going on with them watching this film . we sit there wondering why we ', ve even bothered to see a film about a long high school party we probably never felt the desire to go to in the first place . i would actually highly recommend this film if it satirized all of this . after all  this film is filled with a bunch of pathetic stereotypes much of which i went to high school with . everyone ', s here : the jock  the homecoming queen  the nerd ( and his dominions of trekkies and x - philes )  the alienated wannabe writer  the school spirit girl  the pothead ( s )  the wigger  etc  etc  etc  and weirdly enough this film shows them as superficial  lame  and basically as a bunch of losers . except for denise  who rolls her eyes at everything  and easily becomes the most likable character even before she speaks ( her yearbook entry  something which is done for each main character  quotes oscar wilde - definite pointers there ) . unfortunately  the writers and directors take several major misteps on the way to making this into an admirable and even likable film . the film  as i said  portrays most of its characters as superficial and just totally ignorant to everything . however  instead of sticking with this  perhaps even going a bit further with it  they let this lie  and actually make these characters into our heroes . we follow several of them  all a bunch of moronic stereotypes with only a shread of humanity and realism  and tries to tell boring and overly melodramatic tales about them as if we actually cared and / or identified with them . and if we did  we certainly don ', t want to revisit that state of being . here ', s a quick low - down : it ', s graduation  and we follow a bunch of seniors on the last night  otherwise known as the " american grafitti " or  to a lesser extent  the " dazed and confused " cliche . the formal just followed them as they drove aimlessly ; the latter did a little bit of that and featured a big outdoor keg party . " can ', t hardly wait " just opts for a big indoor keg party  and a little bit of aimless driving  albeit of the i ', m - whining - because - i - can ', t - get - a - girl - i - want brand . we follow many people around  but mostly we trail preston ( ethan embry  of " that thing you do ! " )  the alienated writer  who ', s been pining over the homcoming queen  amanda ( the totally overrated jennifer love hewitt )  for the entirety of high school because he thinks they shared a moment their freshman year over a freaking pop tart . now that she ', s broken up with her football player boyfriend  mike ( peter facinelli )  he decides to go to the party with a note he ', s written declaring his " love " for her in the hopes he ', ll build up the guts to give it to her . . . even though he ', s leaving for a multi - week intensive writing program hosted by none other than kurt vonnegut ( okay : the ingenius vonnegut or some icky noxema spokesperson ? ) . since that plot is incredibly lame and a track record of what goes on with it wouldn ', t be able to carry a commercial let alone a feature film  and because it ', s a party  there are some more main characters  such as : william ( charlie korsmo  finally surfacing after " dick tracy " )  the nerd ( and his dominions ) who has come up with a ridiculous plan to publically sabotage mike  who ', s humiliated him for years  but gets too caught up in drinking to do it ; kenny ( seth green )  the wigger  who has decided that this party will be where he will finally get laid ( uh huh ) ; and denise  the only exceptional character  who unfortunately gets stuck in a bathroom ( don ', t ask ) with kenny where the two characters let down their characters and are allowed to follow the laws of plot cliches from point a to point b with nary a bit of characterization involved after awhile . ugh . the main comparison this film is getting to another film is actually not " american grafitti " or " dazed and confused  " two films that embraced and ultimately made humans out of many of its high schoolers ( not to mention were extremely entertaining )  but to john hughes films of the 80s  most notably " sixteen candles . " the big difference in the two is that that film managed to not only embrace but even satirize its main characters  and did so equally and in an entertaining fashion . this film forgets to satirize its characters  and ultimately tells a story about a bunch of uninteresting stereotypes . . . and then says that it ', s all okay . we can ', t take this film seriously  nor can we take this as fun  so really what good is it ? but i will tell you some things i did like : i liked the direction  except for a couple too - over - the - top features  like way - too - glossy jump cuts ( it ', s like an oxymoron ) and other obscurities . generally  though  elfont and kaplan do have graceful camera movement  and even manage to capture an altman - esque feel to their film from time to time ( a thing with a note  though  is too hokey to really be admirable ) . i actually did like seth green  for once in about a decade ( when he played a very young woody allen in " radio days " ) - his desintegration of his wigger character was almost believable . . . almost . and  of course  lauren ambrose is wonderful as denise  the one character we could have used some more of  even though it would have changed the entirety of the film . however  the character of denise really doesn ', t work with the film  when really thought about . she ', s far too witty and realized ( at least for the first half ) to belong in this film  and whenever she appears  she automatically gives everything a delightfully satirical tone . she ', s not just the cynic or the intellectual ; she ', s just a very interesting character who provides entertainment even if it further damages other already damaged characters . she may ruin the film more  but at least when she ', s on screen we can sit up and think to ourselves " well  at least we ', ll be entertained . " a couple other things that just don ', t work : mike ', s character  who suffers an epiphany throughout the film but in the end acts as though he has forgotten everything : too much the sacrificial lamb for the film in general ; the aimless  bitchy driving by preston to try and get over his inability to shack up with amanda - give me a break ; and perhaps the one thing that just doesn ', t work at all : jenna eflman ', s uncredited cameo as an angel - just didn ', t work  but nice try . basically the worst thing about this film  the real reason i ', m giving this such a low rating  is because it refuses to give us any fully realized characters and then insists we follow around complete stereotypes from other movies doing things that are inane and unlike anything we ', d do . we don ', t feel for these characters because for most of us  we aren ', t stereotypes going through the motions to worn subplots . the acid test for high school movies is : does it at all capture the feel of what it ', s portraying ? the answer for this film is no . nice try  though .
neg the film may be called mercury rising  but that title doesn ', t describe the trajectory taken by this motion picture  a routine thriller that combines government cover - ups with a cloying and poorly - motivated buddy story . the " hook " that is supposed to make mercury rising unique is that the young protagonist is autistic . however  aside from giving actor miko hughes a chance to win raves for his performance  this particular aspect of the film comes across as nothing more than a convenient plot device . those expecting to see even a semi - thorough exploration of the condition will be disappointed . mercury rising treats autism with the same degree of efficiency that many action thrillers accord to alcoholism . the script for mercury rising is exceptionally tiresome and hard - to - swallow . i don ', t know whether the problem is in the original book  simple simon  or in the screenplay adaptation  but this movie easily exceeds the intangible threshold beyond which a suspension of disbelief is no longer possible . once again  certain standby plot elements -- the high - level government conspiracy and the maverick law enforcement agent -- are recycled  and not to good effect . while bruce willis can play the action hero as well as anyone in hollywood  this particular outing leaves him marooned in situations that are characterized by too little tension and too much nonsense . the story begins with a formulaic sequence in which the tough fbi agent with a heart of gold  art jeffries ( bruce willis )  is confronted with his own failure . unable to resolve a hostage crisis in time  he is forced to observe as two teenagers are shot to death . the event weighs heavily on his conscience and heavy - handedly establishes his motivation for protecting 9 - year old simon lynch ( miko hughes ) when he discovers the autistic child hiding in a closet after his parents have been gunned down by the evil hit man who looks like an ex - football player . soon  art and simon are on the run from seemingly everyone -- fleeing for their lives and bonding at the same time  with the evil hit man who looks like an ex - football player always just a step behind them . along the way  they are helped by the best friend who defies orders to help out his buddy ( chi mcbride ) and the supporting female who may or may not become a love interest ( kim dickens ) . why is simon in danger and why were his parents turned into swiss cheese by the evil hit man who looks like an ex - football player ? apparently  the government has spent millions of dollars developing an ultra - secret code called " mercury . " to make sure it can ', t be cracked  they do the most intuitive thing possible : place a sample of it in a " nerds ', puzzle magazine . " of course  no one can solve it -- no one except autistic simon  that is . when he calls the phone number listed in the solution  he gets the nsa . as a result  the cold - hearted  sneering government man ( alec baldwin ) decides that simon has to be eliminated -- for the good of the country  of course . but he hasn ', t counted on the tough fbi agent with a heart of gold  even though everyone in the audience has . it ', s hard to get worked up about a routine thriller that doesn ', t do anything exceptionally well  and does quite a few things rather poorly . for those who are desperate to find elements of this movie to like  mercury rising manages to manufacture tension from time - to - time  but even the most exciting scenes ( such as the one where art and simon are crouched down  avoiding passing trains ) aren ', t that pulse - pounding . the climactic struggle is a real ho - hum affair which leads to a finale that is painful in its obviousness . overall  director harold becker is constantly struggling ( and failing ) to generate even a moment that isn ', t derivative or obligatory . bruce willis ', star seems to be fading . this is his fourth straight lackluster outing  following last man standing  the fifth element  and the jackal . willis isn ', t terrible  but this is the kind of role he can sleepwalk through  and often does . alec baldwin  combining elements of his characters from glengarry glenn ross and malice  does some scenery - chewing  but his performance is surprisingly lacking in menace . the film ', s real star is young miko hughes ( heather langenkamp ', s son in wes craven ', s new nightmare )  who does as good a job as dustin hoffman playing an autistic individual  but is about 50 years younger . mercury rising joins the likes of hard rain  the replacement killers  and u . s . marshals on the heap of pallid 1998 thrillers . for those who like action and adventure in the theater  this has not been a good year . hopefully  the advent of summer will change that . until then  the best choices ( for bruce willis or any other action hero ) are on video . and  if you ', re determined to see mercury rising  check out the morning sky in early may .
neg " alcohol and drugs = bad . not alcohol and drugs = good . got it ? " just when you though you ', ve seen enough of brave young women dealing with their personal problems on screen  be that insanity or alcoholism  hollywood releases yet another one of those ', deep  emotional stories about finding yourself ', . . ', 28 days ', is practically a visualization of the usual ', meaningful ', true stories that people are so proudly retelling at aa - meetings . gwennie ( sandra bullock ) is a young woman who drowned her problems in alcohol . for her life was a big party  with no beginning and no end . this behavior has of course estranged her from her only sister and from life itself . her existence is filled with endless parties and comic episodes . such as when she got drunk with boyfriend jasper ( dominic west )  borrowed her sister ', s ( elizabeth perkins ) wedding limo and crashed it into someone ', s house . this time she had to pay with a 28 day stay in court - ordered rehab . here she must realize that the only thing that can save her is her is redemption  willpower and commitment . most important she must realize her place and direction in life and understand that her life is not just a big party . the film itself feels like a rehab program  whining and moaning about things that have been said and written a million times . it is a classic cautionary tale . an echo . a big  fat and expensive clich ? . a shadow of last year ', s ', girl  interrupted ',  which likewise followed in the footsteps of great masterpieces like ', the cuckoo ', s nest ', and ', trainspotting ', . director betty thomas has stuffed her film with so many failures and errors  that it is impossible to sum them all up in one review . for some paranoid reason she decided to make her film a drama / comedy . jokes and funny characters almost deliberately delude you from the really important and complex issues : alienation  despair  terror  confusion  loneliness . and what awesome power and strength of character it actually takes to overcome all that and become clean . isn ', t that what the filmmakers wanted to show in the first place ? even the transition process itself seems like a walk in the park . betty thomas ', idea of hell is a cozy  homey place where happy alcoholics and cheerful drug addicts are not allowed to smoke  drink or watch tv after 11 . it is simply too light  simplified and unnecessary sweet to be taken seriously . but the worst thing about it is that it actually thinks that it is saying something of significance . that it actually tries to educate the audience with its extremely predictable and primitive story . " all you need to do is just say no "  says dr . cornell ( steve buscemi ) as if was the revelation of the century . and that ', s how simple it is ! in fact i would rather watch ', lost in space ', once again  than return to ', 28 days ', . as for acting  it ', s acceptable  but hardly anything else . for sandra bullock it ', s an opportunity to demonstrate that she is capable of more than ', speed ', . she handles her part with a surprising professionalism and ease that certainly saves the film from being a complete flop . dominic west shines as the source of gwenie ', s devilish temptations  but elizabeth perkins ', and steve buscemi ', s great talents are wasted on unnoticeable and shallow characters . although intellectually ', girl  interrupted ', was a greater achievement  ', 28 days ', is superior in its visual aspect . there are some nice flash back sequences and occasionally impressive pacing  but the overall technical aspect of this film is on the ground floor . the most important thing is that we ', ve seen it before and it was a lot better . ', clean and sober ',  ', only when i laugh ',  ', when a man loves a woman ',  ', leaving las vegas ', and many other stronger films were made about the same issues . so what ', s the point ? in other words ', 28 days ', doesn ', t contribute to the moviemaking business on any level . if you ', re caught in a snowstorm or bolts of lightning fall from the sky and you ', re standing in front of the movie theatre  you might as well go in and watch ', 28 days ', . under all other circumstances stay away  because this film equals $ 8 and 103 minutes lost .
neg capsule : combine one quart of raiders of the lost ark  a dash of a jackie chan movie ( sans jackie )  two teaspoons of gun - and swordplay  and a dollop of cgi . simmer for 100 minutes . yields : zilch . the phantom is a depressing and tired retread of so many earlier  better movies that after the fifteen - minute mark i started cataloguing them out loud . it ', s hard to make a good action - adventure movie that doesn ', t simply recycle its predecessors  and i ', ve seen movies that even at least did the recycling gracefully . the phantom  allegedly based on the long - running comic of the same name  doesn ', t even bother to be graceful . it ', s a stupid and incompetent movie in too many ways to list  but i ', ll try . the film opens up with a " prelude " sequence that looks like it was slashed to ribbons in the editing and then given a heavy voice - over to compensate for whatever got thrown out . we go from there to a jungle sequence that  i swear to god  recycles the truck - chase scene from raiders of the lost ark note - for - note  possibly even shot - for - shot  right down to the moment where indy wrenched open the door and slung one of the drivers out into the brush -- and then goes on to rip off the rope - bridge scene from " sorcerer " as well ! sorcerer  as you may well remember  was a remake of a french movie  the wages of fear  in which a bunch of lowlifes were paid piles of money to drive a truck loaded with nitro through horrible jungle terrain . both versions of that movie were far more interesting than this flick  but i ', ve got my job to do  so back to the salt mines we go . anyway  the cinematic theft doesn ', t stop there . or at least the lack of inspiration . there isn ', t a single thing here we haven ', t seen  and it ', s not given to us in a way that remotely evokes our interest . we have ( where ', s my list ? ) a bad girl  a tough good girl  a secret cave hideaway ( which seems inspired more by dr . no than anything else )  a boardroom meeting that drips with greed and venality  magical artifacts of terrible power  and cary - hiroyuki tagawa wasted in another stupid role where he gets to wear a fu manchu mustache and sneer a lot and generally humiliate himself . what else is there ? the plot is a waste of time . the sets alternate between big but hokey -- and tiny and still hokey . there are lines in the script that are just begging to be mst3ked -- and i ', m sure once mike and the ', bots get the cash  they ', ll stick it on their sked . the only thing in the movie worth noting is billy zane -- he ', s a good actor  and he tries very hard  even when the script is sending him down one dead alley of a scene after another . all i can say is that i pray this isn ', t the beginning of the end for him -- although it sure looks like the final nail in the coffin for the comic - book super - hero movie .
neg a new entry in the " revisionist history " genre of filmmaking  dick suggests that two not - too - bright teenage girls are the cause of the uncovering of the nation ', s biggest presidential scandal . kirsten dunst and michelle williams star betsy and arlene  who while trying to deliver a fan letter from arlene ', s watergate hotel room  accidentally stumble across g . gordon liddy ( played dead - on by harry shearer ) and the infamous break - in . when they recognize liddy later on during a white house field trip  they are ushered into a conference room  questioned as to what they know  and leave as official presidential dog walkers . the girls manage to unwittingly uncover every bit of the watergate scandal while performing their duties  but have no clue as to what they are getting involved with . when they discover that nixon ( another dead - on performance by dan hedaya  who actually favors nixon slightly  unlike anthony hopkins ) has been abusive to checkers  the presidential dog  thanks to the conversations that he always recorded  they quit and become disillusioned . during a prank phone call the girls make to woodward and bernstein  events are set into motion that eventually lead to the president ', s resignation . this film starts off promisingly with an aged woodward and bernstein arguing with each other on an obvious larry king - type talk show ( featuring a cameo by french stewart ) about revealing the identity of " deep throat " . from there  we are subjected to bodily function humor and just about every bad " dick " joke one can derive from this type of supposed comedy . at one point  the girls are having to scream over a high school band playing on the steps of the lincoln memorial . the band manages to stop right as dunst screams " you have to stop letting dick run your life ! " much to the horror of everyone standing within earshot . several other variations on this wordplay surface all throughout the film . if this movie had been smarter i would have been less likely to fault it ', s juvenile bathroom humor  but it ', s not . the film was apparently made for relatively younger people because every major player in the watergate scandal is introduced and shoved down the audience ', s throat in the least subtle way possible . i don ', t recall oliver stone ', s nixon having to pander to it ', s audience  but of course that film wasn ', t a comedy aimed squarely at a 13 - 20 year - old film going audience . the only redeeming thing about this movie is it ', s remarkable supporting cast . i wanted to see more of ferrell and mcculloch ', s woodward and bernstein . those two characters are the sole basis for my rating . i wish they had been given more screen time  but unfortunately  they are only relegated to the final half - hour . their constant bickering and fighting over trying to get the story are a major highlight  especially mcculloch ', s constant thwarting of ferrell ', s attempts to gather information from the girls ( who  in the course of the narrative are revealed as deep throat  so named thanks to an ill planned trip to a porno theater by betsy ', s brother ) . the other members of the cast are excellent in their portrayals of their particular characters  but are given nothing to work with . i ', d like to see the same cast portray these characters in a script more suited towards their comedic abilities . as for the two leads  dunst and williams can definitely do better . they come off as what could best be described as romy and michele : the early years in this particular film  a highly dubious distinction at best . stay through the first half of the end credits though  to see an interesting scene involving dunst and williams suggestively sucking on lollipops emblazoned with the title of the movie . an excellent idea marred by poor execution  dick could have been a great movie . less of the juvenile humor and more of the smarter comedy displayed by the woodward and bernstein scenes  could have made this film a wonderful satire of the nixon presidency as seen through the eyes of two naive fifteen year olds . as it stands though  dick offers nothing but what filmmaker kevin smith so accurately defines as " dick and poopie " jokes . and that  to me  does not make a funny movie . [ pg - 13 ]
neg words i thought i ', d never write : the sequel to urban legend lacks the grace  wit  and power of the original . put the gun to my head  pull the trigger  and put me out of my misery . better yet  put the horror genre out of its misery . when you ', ve finished watching urban legends : final cut  you ', ll share my same grim point of view thanks to the horrible acting  terrible script  and ridiculous directing which has become all too common today . urban legends : final cut is a smorgasbord of stolen movie ideas ( mainly from the blair witch project and scream ) : fabulous people with perfect teeth and skin  one creepy film school  and a dog eating a freshly removed kidney from one of the movie ', s hapless victims . urban legends delivers a story about a bunch of film students working on their thesis films to win the coveted " hitchcock award " which guarantees the winner a director deal in hollywood . one female filmmaker ( jennifer morrison  the freaky dead girl from stir of echoes ) writes a fiction script based on a serial killer who kills his victims according to " urban legend " tales . suddenly  her entire crew starts getting bumped off with urban - legendary homicides  but the bodies are always missing and she is often the only witness to the killings . the killer wears a fencing mask and a long black overcoat  looking like a scorned olympian out to avenge his defeat in sydney . why this is scary is never explained . of course  the golden rule of sequels is that there must be least one recurring character for continuity ', s sake . urban legends has one minor  recurring character from the original who we never cared about anyway ( the security guard  of all people ) . the other central problem is that this character has already seen the urban legend killings once before  but she ', s utterly clueless about what ', s going on around her . call it suspension of disbelief . this film is also a prime example of how horror films are now completely dead in the water . the last decent horror film was the blair witch project  and that seemed more like a snuff film than fiction . the stalking killer with crazy motivation has become a tired clich ?  as everyone seems to have forgotten : real horror is not about what is seen but about what is unknown .
neg godzilla is the ultimate culmination of the " who cares about plot " summer movie . a loose remake of the 1954 " classic " japanese monster movie  godzilla  king of the monsters ( which is itself pretty thin in the story department )  roland emmerich and dean devlin ', s big - budget lizard - stomps - manhattan disaster flick has been written with the brain dead in mind . the script isn ', t just " dumbed down  " it ', s lobotomized . godzilla lives and dies on special effects alone . presumably  the primary target group for this film is teenage boys  the demographic most likely to shell out $ 7 repeatedly to see the same images of monster - instigated carnage . that ', s not to say that females and other age groups are immune to the special effects seduction ; they ', re just not as readily susceptible . this is the third straight movie in a row where emmerich and devlin have demonstrated that a mastery of computer - generated visuals is far more important for making money than the ability to write and direct for actors . stargate was a financial success . independence day was a runaway hit . and  with godzilla already drowning in hype and merchandising tie - ins before it even opens  it ', s virtually guaranteed at least $ 100 million . nice numbers for a film that could have been penned by a not - too - precocious grade school kid . godzilla isn ', t completely without merit  although it is close . there ', s a certain visceral thrill inherent in watching the giant lizard rip his way through manhattan  but it wears off quickly . frankly  while the special effects are competent  they ', re not all that stunning . there ', s nothing new here ; it ', s jurassic park meets aliens  with a little independence day thrown in for bad measure . maybe it will require george lucas and his new star wars movie to take computer - generated visuals to the next level . godzilla never really pushes the envelope  preferring to remain within a comfort zone . the imagination of monster movies like king kong has been replaced by a crass  formulaic approach which disallows creativity . ( how disturbing is it to know that godzilla has been chosen to close the 51st cannes film festival ? ) worst of all  godzilla isn ', t even exciting . with the possible exception of a mildly enjoyable car chase near the end  there isn ', t a sequence in this film that raises the pulse . even the scenes with dozens of aircraft attacking the monster are so devoid of tension and suspense that they are yawn - provoking . independence day may have been dumb  but it was full of " adrenaline moments " capable of getting the audience involved in the action . in this aspect of its production  as in so many others  godzilla is lacking . actually  part of the problem is that we ', re never sure who we ', re supposed to be rooting for : the green monster with an attitude or the paper - thin humans trying to stop him . the plot  such as it is  can be summed up rather simply . after sinking a few ships and leaving some footprints on tropical islands  godzilla shows up in the big apple . he does some of the usual tourist things : stops by madison square garden  visits the chrysler building  goes on a walk through central park  and takes the subway . in the process  he knocks over a few buildings and steps on countless cabs  but he never has trouble with traffic jams . on hand to stop him is an elite u . s . army unit  led by a slightly less - arrogant - than - usual military man ( kevin dunn ) and a biologist named nick tatopoulos  who has a theory about godzilla . in his opinion  the big guy is actually a lizard grown to enormous proportions as a result of the radiation given off by french atomic bomb tests in the south pacific . in nick ', s words  godzilla is " a mutated aberration ? an incipient creature ? the first of its kind . " as luck would have it  nick ', s old girlfriend  audrey ( maria pitillo )  is a reporter based at a new york tv station . along with her cameraman friend  animal ( hank azaria )  she decides to follow nick around as he trails godzilla . then  just when the military has rejected nick ', s theory about why godzilla is in new york  a member of the french secret service ( jean reno ) recruits him for a special assignment . instead of stomping around tokyo this time  godzilla has chosen new york city . unfortunately  manhattan has been destroyed so many times in recent disaster movies ( independence day  deep impact  armageddon ) that it ', s becoming boring . the whole tradition of monsters roaming around the city started with king kong  but the big ape was only about 30 feet tall . he could climb the empire state building . at ten times that height  godzilla would be more likely to knock it over . godzilla contains a few lame attempts at humor . there ', s an ongoing feud between animal and his wife that plays like sit - com material  an unfunny and repetitive gag about how no one can pronounce nick ', s last name properly  and a rather tame attack on film critics roger ebert and gene siskel . both of the popular personalities have alter egos in the film : " ebert  " the mayor of new york  is played by michael lerner  and " gene " ( lorry goldman ) is his campaign manager . ebert ', s re - election slogan is  not surprisingly  " thumbs up for new york . " the siskel / ebert stuff is amusing the first time it ', s used  but  after a while  it grows tiresome . and  although the " characters " don ', t serve any real purpose  they keep popping up . godzilla is saddled with an unimpressive cast . this is largely because emmerich doesn ', t want to risk a human performance upstaging his lizard . that ', s not to say that matthew broderick and jean reno aren ', t capable of good performances ( both have done their share of solid acting in the past )  but they aren ', t a - list names . then again  considering the quality of the writing  even pacino and deniro would have been hard - pressed to shine . maria pitillo ( dear god ) plays the love interest and hank azaria ( great expectations ) is on hand to present what is supposed to be comic relief . ultimately  it doesn ', t really matter what i ( or any other critic  for that matter ) have to say about the movie . tristar has assumed that godzilla  like all self - proclaimed summer event motion pictures  is pretty much critic - proof . it may also be word - of - mouth - proof . those who want to see the movie will see it no matter what i write or their friends say . so  when i go on record to assert that godzilla is one of the most idiotic blockbuster movies of all time  it ', s like spitting into the wind . emmerich and devlin are master illusionists  waving their wands and mesmerizing audiences with their smoke and mirrors . it ', s probably too much to hope that some day  movie - goers will wake up and realize that they ', ve been had .
neg recently one night a young director named baz luhrmann couldn ', t sleep . he tumbled out of bed and moved over to the television where he watched mtv for an hour . then he moved to his kitchen where he spent the same amount of time eating spoiled food . then he took down a volume of shakespeare ', s work and read it cover to cover - never really paying attention to the words or plot . and then  as a climax  he took out his video camera and pressed the " on " button . the result ? william shakespeare ', s romeo + juliet - the worst film ever made and a complete failure . though  to be fair  an interesting complete failure . the idea at the film ', s core is to make shakespeare appealing to the crowds . this is done by moving the camera around at a rapid rate so that we can ', t see what is going on . and filming the dialogue in voice over . and shooting leonardo dicaprio like a calvin klein model . and making the frame go still while flashing the character ', s name at the bottom . and filming long tedious action sequences in slow motion . i mean  man  this is the 90s  dude . however i ', ve seen terrible films that are fun to watch . ( examples are batman and robin and the island of doctor moreau . ) that rule doesn ', t apply here . this is a film that takes itself seriously . that is it ', s major fault . another problem was pointed out by my friend  alex ( who was singing songs by leonard bernstein throughout . ) ; the original play is a powerful piece of work because the author remained neutral and didn ', t take sides . here it ', s clear that we are supposed to side with romeo . ( just look at the way they film him . ) from the begining he ', s our hero and this doesn ', t work . and dicaprio ', s awful performance doesn ', t help . luhrmann never decides if he wants to entertain us or enlighten us . the result is a mess . you can feel him striving to be something he isn ', t . he tries to pull of a mix in which drag queens are filmed from purposefully arty angles . he tries very hard . key word : tries . " oh look  he ', s filming above water action from below . pretty . what does it represent ? " why do people do ugly things ? i scrambled away from my tv set feeling guilty as if i could never read the play again and keep a straight face .
neg in times of crisis people are driven to desperate measures . of course what constitutes a crisis differs from person to person . what may be a disastrous situation for one  may be seen as a challenge to another . as deepak chopra is known to say  " it ', s not the ride  it ', s the rider . " unfortunately clear - thinking is not always the reaction to problems . wall street wheeler dealer steven taylor ( michael douglas ) is a man with troubles . he ', s sunk his money in illegal financial activities and it ', s blown up in his face . in a matter of days he will lose it all . his wife emily ( gwyneth paltrow ) is a highly - placed un interpreter and is not happy with her life either . her marriage is cold and unfulfilling . unknown to her  her new lover david shaw ( viggo mortensen ) is not only a painter  but an ex - con with a history of bilking wealthy women of their money . emily is a prime target : she ', s worth over $ 100 million . steven ', s solution to his predicament is to offer david half a million to kill his wife . the artist accepts and the movie is underway . drawing from frederick knott ', s play and loosely based on hitchcock ', s dial m for murder  this is all - too typical of summer releases . all style and no substance . and there ', s really not much style . director andrew davis ( the accomplished witness and best - forgotten other films ) has made exactly the wrong choices at almost every turn . douglas and paltrow have both shown us that they are skillful actors in previous films . mortensen showed promise in the past . here all three are walking uninterestingly through their roles with oddly waxen faces . the only person who shows any sense of life is david suchet as new york detective mohamed karaman . he ', s only on - screen long enough to make you think that there might be a likable person in the film and then he disappears . the first concern of a suspense film is to create suspense . surprises are important . in this movie the audience keeps waiting for something to happen . and nothing ever does . nearly every event is telegraphed in advance . close - up on this object or that action and it ', s easy to guess what ', s going to happen . as the film plods towards its inevitable conclusion you keep expecting a plot twist to make the movie worthwhile . it ', s a hopeless quest . the story doesn ', t make much sense . steven ', s wife is loaded . even with unfriendly relations  you ', d think that he could have talked to her about his difficulty rather than deciding to kill her . when he does decide on the dire plan he makes an unreasonable choice . if you were going to hire someone to kill your wife  would your first choice be her lover ? no matter how sleazy he is  i would think there might be a chance that he would turn down the opportunity . why would steven plan the murder as a break - in in their apartment ? why not just take her out as she was walking to david ', s loft in a bad neighborhood ? while deciding among the numerous summer films  you might do well to skip this one . you ', ll find more suspense than this movie offers by watching the weather channel .
neg " virus " is a monster movie without a monster . any movie with a hurdle that large to overcome had better be pretty damn good otherwise . sadly  " virus " does not deliver  on any level . the movie opens with the russian space station mir about to transmit something ( we never find out what ) to a big boat with lots of satellites on it . sudddenly  a wave of colorful lightning comes flying through space  and winds up destroying mir and using it to transmit itself to the aforementioned big boat . cut to seven days later  we meet donald sutherland and his band of seafaring vultures . see  they spend all their time sailing around looking for dead - in - the - water ships to rescue  and then collect the reward money . at least  i * think * that ', s what they do . along with many other things in the film  their reason for being out in the middle of the ocean isn ', t really explained . so  they stumble upon this big boat with lots of satellites on it  and decide to haul it back to russian waters . the only problem is  the crew starts disappearing one - by - one and turning into borg . yes  borg . complete with the red laser beam in place of an eye . apparently  this alien lifeform can only survive if inside something electrical . so  it creates make - shift machines and uses humans for " spare parts " . blah  blah  blah . i could go on forever describing the ludicrous so - called plot  but i won ', t . suffice it to say the most original thing about this movie is having donald sutherland play an irish man ( ! ) . everything else in this movie has been taken from other ( better ) movies . for example  many of the machines resemble those found in the little - seen japanese movie  " tetsuo - the iron man " . and the plot is right out of " aliens " . the funny thing is  i was actually expecting to enjoy this movie . i have a soft spot for cheesy monster movies  like last years under - appreciated " deep rising " . but " virus "  as i mentioned earlier  doesn ', t even have a monster . it just has a big pile of circuits and wires and expects the audience to fear this ridiculous looking contraption . " virus " is the type of movie that really makes you wonder what the screenwriter was thinking about when he wrote it . besides the lame " monster "  it ', s chock full of dialogue that no real person would ever say  and situations that no real person would ever allow themselves to get into . for example  there is a scene late in the movie in which one of the characters actually attempts to * negotiate * with the alien ! now  i don ', t know about you  but if i came upon a lifeform that viewed mankind as a virus to be eliminated  i doubt that i would attempt to reason with it . that makes about as much sense as a baby squirrel calmly asking a fierce predator to spare his life . finally  " virus " isn ', t scary . the least the filmmakers could have done was to make the movie just a little scary . as it is  it ', s about as frightening as a box of cookies . skip " virus " . if it ', s a cool monster movie you want  rent the far superior ( and the granddaddy of this genre ) " aliens " .
neg dr . alan grant ( sam neill  " jurassic park " ) is becoming disillusioned . paleontology is no longer the sexy science it once was since the ingen corporation cloned his subject matter . his lectures bring people interested in his adventures on isla nubla rather than his research and funding dollars are drying up . when the kirbys ( william h . macy  " fargo " ; tea leoni  " the family man " ) ask him to be their guide for an anniversary flyover of isla sorna ( the notorious site b of " the lost world " ) he ', s disdainful  but once they wave their checkbook  he reconsiders . however the kirbys haven ', t given dr . grant their real agenda in " jurassic park iii . " of course  we  the audience  have been tipped off  given that the film begins by showing us eric ( trevor morgan  " the patriot " )  a young boy  and ben ( mark harelik  " election " ) going for a paragliding adventure off that same island that goes awry ( and looks like cheesy rear projection ) . grant ', s established back home with a new right hand man  billy brennan ( alessandro nivola  " love ', s labour ', s lost " ) on site at a dig in montana sorely lacking funds . he also pays a visit to old flame dr . ellie sattler ( laura dern  " jurassic park " )  now married to another with a young son who calls grant ', the dinosaur man ', apparently for the sole purpose of dredging her up again for the film ', s poorly imagined finale . grant takes billy along on the kirbys trip  which is really an illegal gambit to save their son  that young paraglider . the couple aren ', t millionaires  making grant ', s check bogus  and they ', re separated as well ( eric was with amanda ', s new boyfriend  not that that makes much sense )  meaning we ', re in for some gooey family dynamics while waiting for the dino dining . the kirbys hired hands ( and obvious bait ) are a threesome led by mr . udesky ( michael jeter  " the gift " ) . ( didn ', t anyone consider that casting michael jeter and william h . macy together and not having them be related was a little odd ? ) as directed by joe johnston ( " october sky  " " jumanji " ) ( spielberg only produced this one ) from a risible script by peter buchman and the " election " team of alexander payne & jim taylor  " jurassic park iii " is nothing more than a quickie monster flick with a couple of new dinos ( a spinosauraus  which goes head to head with the t - rex  and pteranodons ) . the plot  as it were  is a series of coincidences combined with extreme leaps of faith and a trifecta of stupid cell phone tricks . the effects are no longer new  and  as shot by television cinematographer shelly johnson  rather murky looking at times . film editing by robert dalva ( " october sky " ) was presumably done by machete  to keep this down to a 90 minute run time . i know of no other reason to explain the ridiculous ending which features the survivors confronting a pack of raptors  then being saved by the most ludicrous of logic jumps within a few minutes . ', original ', music by don davis just repeats john williams ', original themes . while neill and young morgan attempt to inject some humor and humanity into the proceedings  the rest of the cast are plodding unexceptional . " jurassic park iii " will probably provide some quick entertainment for those who go into it knowing what to expect  the same crowd who maybe liked " the lost world : jurassic park . "
neg barb wire  pamela anderson lee ', s first foray into films  highlights the fact that her only talent lies in her silicone enhanced assets . being the only notable member of the cast  the camera lingers lustily o n her body at every opportunity  making her character ', s catch line  " don ', t call me babe  " sound very ironic indeed . from the very opening of the movie  we are treated to a striptease routine from anderson  ending in her hurling her stiletto smack between the eyes of a lusty male who happened to call her babe . throughout the movie  there is ample footage of enormous breasts and cleavage  if not of anderson ', s  then at least of the female extras . this alone is enough to retitle the movie babe wire . for a plot  barb wire rehashes the casablanca storyline . it is 2017  the middle of the second american civil war  and barb wire  a former resistance fighter  runs a joint in steel harbour called hammerhead ( ! ! ) . known for attracting resistance fighters an d characters of all sorts  the bar attracts the attention of the government forces who appear dressed in nazi - style uniforms . in between bashing up helpless males and showing off her trademark breasts  barb wire has to help a former lover and his wife get to the airport on the other side of the town  past the government - controlled areas  and to freedom . even the airport looks like the one in casablanca  except that the plane in the background is a modern  private jet . there are hardly any significant moments in this film  and one gets the impression that it was designed for young teenagers familiar with the dark horse comics version of " barb wire . " if anything  one leaves the film with the confirmation that anderson di d not do her own stunts . who could fight and jump in a skimpy  strapless leather top  and yet keep her breasts from spilling out ? only a stuntwoman . not pamela anderson lee .
neg humanities quest for knowledge never ends . so a team of scientists and film - makers travel to the amazon to search for a legendary indian tribe . the party consists of anthropologist steven cale ( eric stoltz ) and the camera team consisting of terri flores ( jennifer lopez )  danny rich ( ice cube )  gary dixon ( owen wilson )  denise kahlberg ( kari wuhrer ) and warren westridge ( jonathan hyde ) . early on their journey they meet paul sarone ( jon voight ) whose boat is stuck on the shore . they agree to give him a ride to the next village . he claims to know the area well and can be useful locating the native tribe . very soon their friendliness backfires on the group because sarone turns out to be a snake hunter without scruples who only wants to catch a giant anaconda and sell it to a zoo . we don ', t have to wait too long for the giant snake . she just had a panther hors d ', oevre and now is looking for the main course . our heroes paddle around in the amazonas as if it were the pool in their own backyard . no wonder giant animals mistake their splashing for a dinner bell . our anaconda is a polite one and swallows the first victim in one big gulp . enjoy ! so much for the first attempt to catch her . but who would want to catch a giant snake with a fishing pole ? our villain sarone shows his soft side when he stops terri from shooting the snake . too bad that anaconda is just about to strangle another member of the expedition . one by one she goes after the others . eric stoltz is stung by a giant wasp right in the beginning and is mercifully unconcious for the rest of the adventure . the rest of the crew keeps entertaining the viewer although not the way the makers of the movie had planned . however the scenes without the anaconda are rather boring . whenever the leading lady shows up we ', re in for a laugh . the snake reminds us of a favorite character of a famous animated movie even if she should be an awe - inspiring monster . her attacks always follow the same plan : one last hypnotic look - she ', s looking at you  kid - then she speedily wraps herself around her victim and starts to gush it down . mostly we don ', t see the act of devouring . but she looks nice when she wiggles away with her bulging middle part . whoever did the special effects on this movie may have wanted to go to a zoo first and study some real snakes . maybe then the anaconda model would have looked more real . the animatronics are somewhat more believable . but that didn ', t work for the strangling scenes . don ', t go see the movie for the f / x . they are everything but up - to - date . the viewer who likes to watch the end credits will see to his / her surprise that a snake expert was a consultant for the team . we may doubt though that he has ever seen the final result of his work . a well known american science magazine is also mentioned in the credits  but i will refrain from naming it here to avoid further damage to its reputation . the majority of viewer will have left the theater as soon as the credits start rolling  anyway . what kind of audience is the target group for this movie ? hard to say . this can ', t be a serious horror movie  or can it ? see for yourself .
neg absolute power  the new film produced and directed by clint eastwood  attempts to be a thriller set in the world of hypocritical presidents and their murderous political staff . it is about as thrilling as a lecture on the mating habits of the south american grasshopper . one can only wonder how an utterly absurd script like the one written by william goldman could have ever interested eastwood . not only is the plot unbelievable and contrived  but even the writing itself lacks any consistency or intelligence . continually underestimating the audience  the film gives us information we already know or dont even need . details essential to the story are so improbably convenient they are annoying ( like why would two unprepared secret service men carry two night - vision goggles in their car ? ) . oddly enough  the initial setup for absolute power offers interesting possibilities . a masterful jewel - thief ( played by clint eastwood ) witnesses the murder of the wife of a powerful millionaire ( played by e . g . marshall ) . while robbing one of marshalls mansions  he is forced to hide in the bedrooms vault . there  through a two - way mirror  he sees the wife and another man engage in passionate foreplay . their game of love quickly turns into a violent struggle as the man starts beating the woman . in self defense  the woman grabs a letter - opener and stabs the man in the elbow . she raises her arm to stab again when she is fatally shot by two secret service men . the man ? he is the president of the united states of america . where does the film go wrong ? it cannot be the acting . clint eastwood  ed harris and gene hackman as the president give type - cast  but decent performances . the cinematography is sufficient ; wild and erratic during action sequences  dark and mysterious during psychologically suspenseful scenes  and calm and warm during dramatic dialogue . even the music is not as bombastic as it usually tends to be in the thriller / suspense genre . the fault clearly lies in the screenplay  and the screenplay alone . while setting up a story about misuse of power  about the true possessors of that power  and about intrigue and double - crossing  it does not resolve it . not one buildup of suspense is resolved by an exciting climax . rather  the tense situations are left dangling at the end  giving the viewer an uneasy sense of incompleteness . an example of this is a very promising and tense buildup of a scene : in an attempt to arrest clint eastwood  the police have set up a trap at a small restaurant . police officers are everywhere  incognito of course . at the same time  not one but two hit men are preparing to kill clint eastwood when he arrives . all three parties are unaware of each others presence . this scene is tremendously exciting and the audience is wondering how clint eastwood  who might suspect this is a trap  will get himself out of this difficult position . he will probably have a brilliant plan  involving ingenious preparations . however  when he arrives at the trap  both hit men miss ( how convenient ) and in the confusion eastwood simply walks away . the buildup of this scene took about ten minutes . ten minutes of close ups of the hit men loading their weapons intercut with the police preparing for the trap . the scene was resolved in less than 20 seconds . . . parallel to the story line of catching the real killer is a cliche emotional tale about the estranged relationship between father eastwood and his daughter . the daughter blames her father for never being there for her  because he was either in jail or robbing a house somewhere . of course their relationship takes a turn for the better during the adventure and they end up a happy family . again  it is commendable that absolute power tries to deviate from the mainstream suspense film by giving room for a dramatic subplot . however  trying is simply not enough ! the second story line should be subtle  original and preferably unpredictable . . . everything this film is not . how could a screenplay like absolute power ever get the funding to be produced ? how could eastwood  who has successfully produced and directed many outstanding films such as the brilliant unforgiven  ever believe in a project like this one ? i am sad to say that my respect for the actor / director / producer has diminished substantially due to this film . director quentin tarantino once said : " i can make a good movie out of any bad script . " director clint eastwood obviously cannot .
neg ever feel you ', re spending your whole life on the net ( ouch ! )  eating  breathing and excreting web sites ? that your most meaningful relationships are being formed on the net ? that you get your best sex on the net ? if first - time director hal salwen could shoot an entire movie of characters typing at their computers  he would . as it is  he settles for characters talking on the phone . denise calls up is a movie for and about the electronic generation  where characters are too caught up with their work and insecurities prefer to live out their relationships and fantasies on the phone . it ', s a satire - and a sometimes funny one - about how we let handphones  call - waiting and answering machines run our lives . the problem : denise calls up is a movie about an idea . a darn good one  but still an 80 minute - long idea . and despite salwen ', s attempt at plots and sub - plots  despite some genuinely funny moments  you can predict the movie ', s outcome within the first fifteen minutes . you get the drift after a series of shots of characters explaining over the phone why they all couldn ', t make it for a party - nobody is going to be meeting anybody in this film  they would rather be talking on the phone . here ', s salwen ', s plot : while all the characters are in a dysfunctional  telefixated limbo  loud quirky stranger denise calls up martin to announce that she is pregnant with his child  courtesy of the sperm he donated to the local bank . as martin progresses from slamming the phone on her to long phone conversations over the baby ', s name  his friends - and his friends ', friends - get involved  courtesy of call - waiting and double - lines . in the tigher and more tantalizing sub - plot  barbara and jerry are set up on a blind date that neither turns up for . both profess to have too complicated schedules to ever meet  but they get it going over the phone . with repeated phone sex comes a glitch ; what if the other person is simply faking it ? denise calls up scores with some inspired moments . mousy barbara metamorphoses into a vamp over her cordless  everyone shares the excitement of denise ', s delivery through a conference call to her handphone  and barbara ', s best friend gale is killed in a car accident while taling animatedly into another friend ', s answering machine . ( as gale ', s overly - chatty aunt recounts  her cordless was knicked into her ear and lodged in her brain . ) but these moments are not enough to sustain the movie . the pace sags  the dialogue drags and not much acting appears to be required of the telephone - touters . and the ending is literally a non - event as expected  everyone is too chicken to turn up for the party frank throws in gale ', s memory despite promising over the phone that they will . we get the point . the movie appears to be intent on flogging its terribly "-'", 90s statement until they have it coming out of your ears . pun intended . there ', s even a on the movie ', s web site where you can win cellular phones ( as if we haven ', t had enough of these things already ) . watch the movie only if you find it philosophy compelling enough for a earful . the flying inkpot ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg " book " should have remained in shadows book of shadows : blair witch 2 a film review by michael redman copyright 2000 by michael redman certain things in our lives are inevitable . death  sorrow  love  heartbreak  pain  joy . we expect these events . we know they ', re going to happen and some  we even look forward to . it ', s part of the human condition . we have also become accustomed to inevitable occurrences in our society . as we near the fall election  several of them are hitting us in the face . politicians exaggerate their own importance . our side is always right ; theirs is always wrong . in the end  voters are usually forced to choose the lesser of two whocares . in hollywood the one indisputable inevitable is that if a film makes big money  there will be a sequel . even if the original story doesn ', t merit one . even if the first film is complete in itself . even if success is a fluke . " the blair witch project " was made with a budget of $ 1 . 75 and exploded on the screen  raking in huge profits . the concept was brilliant . the filmmakers created a remarkable buzz that the story might be real . the film itself was even more convincing . the movie _must_ be authentic . why else would such amateurish footage be on the big screen ? the first film caught lightning in a bottle . the sequel proves you can ', t pour that old lightning into a new bottle . you have to give this effort some credit . it would have been easy to have made the same movie again with a new group of kids . it would have been easy  but of course  it wouldn ', t have worked . instead " book of shadows " acknowledges the first film as a movie and concentrates on the hysteria following its release . it ', s a great scheme and possibly the only entertaining way to do a sequel . unfortunately it doesn ', t work either . five kids spend the night in the woods at the scene of the first film . weird stuff happens and they retreat to an old factory where one of them lives . even weirder stuff happens . some people die  there ', s blood and knives and none of the characters have a lick of common sense . while supposedly doing serious research  the group sets up a circle of surveillance cameras in the ruins of the old house in the woods and vows to stay alert all night awaiting a visitation . then they proceed to get totally trashed on drugs and alcohol and party down with very loud  very obnoxious heavy metal music . it ', s a bad plan . the cast shows some early promise . a couple is doing research on a " blair witch " book . the tour guide is a former mental patient turned ebay aficionado . a goth amazon princess adds a bit of comedic relief . the obligatory hot babe is the 2000 spiritual cinematic descendent of the cute hippie chick  the cute rock and roll chick and the cute disco chick : the cute wiccan chick . the first film ', s unaccomplished actors came across as real people in a real situation because hours and hours of video were shot during days in the woods . this time  these unaccomplished actors just come across as unaccomplished actors . there ', s not one character you care about when they start shouting for no reason . although what passes for a plot starts out with a solid idea  it ', s ruined by poor execution . the follow - up to one of the most successful horror films ever is nothing more than a bad slasher movie . they ', re trapped in an old big weird house . they stupidly separate into various rooms . there are strange noises  they see scary apparitions and people disappear . ever see this movie ? seasoned documentary director joe berlinger should know better . the film features mostly cheap tricks and unnecessary gore . for a storyline filled with surprises  it ', s oddly predicable . " the blair witch project " was a rare triumph of style over substance . " the book of shadows " is a triumph of tedium over promise .
neg warren beatty  diane keaton  goldie hawn and gary shandling star as a pair of married couples whose complacent lives are about to be shaken up in director peter chelsom ', s version of the classic romantic  screwball comedy in " town & country . " the drawing room farce of the 30 ', s dealt with sexual innuendo and relied on wit and a great deal of commotion and noise to place the viewer in the thick of the duplicitous romantic action . back then  impossibly wealthy scions of society  with too much free time  would get themselves wrapped up in all sorts of sexual peccadilloes with spouses and lovers  only to have everything come out all right in the end - see " the philadelphia story " for a great farce . " town & country " has the impossibly wealthy protagonists with too much free time - the kind of people that have jobs but never seem to work - and sexual misconduct on several levels . but  there is almost no life to original script by michael laughlin and buck henry and this is " t & c ', s " downfall . there is  obviously  a great deal of hollywood talent  in front of and behind the camera  involved in " town & country  " but  without a likable or  at least  interesting story to carry through their efforts  it is all for naught . and  that ', s what we get here - naught . porter stoddard ( beatty ) is a high - powered new york architect with a very good life indeed . his 25 - year marriage to ellie ( diane keaton ) appears  on the surface  to be perfect . but  there are cracks just below this pristine surface . his wife is suspicious of his whereabouts  his kids don ', t need him and his best friends  griffin ( garry shandling ) and mona ( goldie hawn )  are in the midst of a divorce . porter tries to get control of his life before it is too late  but like a man fighting against quicksand  his struggle just sinks him deeper . at the 90 - minute mark of " town & country " i asked myself  " what ', s the point ? " i wasn ', t entertained  i laughed three times - over silly little pratfalls - and spent most of the film marking time ', til the end . warren beatty wanders around with his character in a bewildered fog  making problems for himself by thinking with a part of his anatomy other than his head . keaton ', s ellie is an empty headed flake who can ', t see the obvious as porter screws around on her . and  as you get to know them  who would want friends like griffin and mona ? the supporting cast is given nothing to do and  sometimes  does harm to the film  given the material they are forced to use . nastassja kinski plays a cellist with whom porter has a fling . the actress  who has  eerily  failed to age over the years  is miscast as the air - headed musician and the character doesn ', t belong  anyway . jenna elfman is a sweet  but smart  ditz who joins porter and griffin on one of their tacked on misadventures . andie macdowell is absolutely painful to watch as a wealthy heiress ( is there any other kind in this movie ? ) who comes on to porter . the saving grace is a pair of quirky perf ', s by charlton heston and marian seldes as macdowell ', s very strange parents . glib rationalization of infidelity  like  " if he doesn ', t speak english  it doesn ', t count  " are a staple for the screenplay . the morality of the film seems to be  if you can get away with it  go for it . the cast of characters are mostly people you wouldn ', t want to know  never mind befriend . the actors do their best  but are hamstrung by the weak material . helmer chelsom  who made the outstanding  offbeat comedy " funny bones  " is mired in the mess of a script and never puts his imprint on " town & country . " the production values are high  as one expects from a big budget hollywood film . but  the opulent sets by caroline hanania  lavish wardrobes by molly maginnis and top - notch photography by william fraker cannot save " town & country . " the film has had a long list of production and distribution problems and it might have been better  for me anyway  if hollywood just said no to this movie . i give it a d .
neg the crown jewel of 1970 ', s irwin allen disaster movies  the poseidon adventure features an all - star cast including gene hackman and ernest borgnine spouting some of the most laughable dramatic dialogue in movie history while trapped on a cruise ship . the story begins on the u . s . s . poseidon ', s big new year ', s cruise  where we are introduced to the ensemble of people who will soon be the only passengers left alive . let ', s see  there ', s the new age preacher ( hackman ) who advises people to " pray to that part of god within yourself . " there ', s the ex - cop ( borgnine ) who busted a hooker ( stella stevens ) six times -- then married her . there ', s the hippie singer ( " there ', s got to be a morning after . . . " ) who turns to the company of a lonely man ( red buttons ) once her brother is killed . and to round out the group : the elderly couple ( jack albertson and shelley winters ) who live aboard the ship  the beautiful teenage girl and her brother who are sailing alone and adventurous scotsman roddy mcdowall . we get to know these people a little too well in the first thirty minutes of the poseidon adventure  before straight - faced ship captain leslie nielson looks in horror at the giant tidal wave headed right for the ship . everyone ', s in the giant ballroom at the time  shortly past midnight of the new year  when the ship turns first on its side  then completely upside down . the second - in - command wants everyone to wait in the ballroom until help arrives  but rebel hackman leads his small band of followers on a quest to the top of the ship . in this case  because the ship is overturned  the top is the bottom . or is the bottom the top ? either way  we get to see a lot of bottoms because the two beautiful women in the crew are both conveniently wearing hot pants during the scenes where the camera shoots upwards while they climb up ladders and -- in the ballroom scene -- christmas trees . thus begins an hour or more of hushed trips down long corridors  through burning rooms  etc . while the ship slowly fills with water behind them . it ', s a race against the clock which is only mildly interesting . the poseidon adventure works more as a bad movie to laugh at  with all the melodrama that comes in - between the non - thrilling action scenes . the one note in borgnine ', s one - note performance is to be a cranky old man that argues with hackman every step of the way while buttons and the hippie fall in love ( although since there isn ', t a sex scene  we never find out if his buttons really are red ) and albertson and winters wonder if they ', ll live to see their grandson ', s birth . shelley winters provides the most hilarious scene in the movie in a scene toward the end  where water has flooded the next two rooms of the ship and hackman is preparing to dive under with a rope for the rest of them to pull along . winters  who has been the whiny fat woman throughout the movie ( stevens even not - so - affectionately calls her " fatass " in one scene )  finally finds her purpose . " i was the underwater swimming champ of new york three years running when i was seventeen  " she brags  and before hackman can even ask her how she could be seventeen for three years  she ', s swimming through the water  her skirt billowing up around her hips  showing off her cellulite ( or do you call it shellulite ? ) ridden thighs . it ', s not so much funny as innately disgusting  which pretty much sums up the poseidon adventure as a whole .
neg while watching loser  it occurred to me that amy heckerling ', s true genius as a film - maker is casting . in fast times at ridgemont high  she gave us sean penn ', s jeff spicoli ; in look who ', s talking  she turned bruce willis into a wise - cracking baby and provided john travolta with is first career revival ; in clueless  she found a star vehicle for the adorableness that is ( or was ) alicia silverstone . she seems to understand instinctively how to find performers the audience will like in spite of their flaws . unfortunately  she may also be starting to understand that she understands . giving appealing actors an appealing script creates likeable movies . giving appealing actors a script in which their appeal _is_ the movie makes for unexpectedly awful films like loser . naturally  heckerling makes her protagonist an all - around swell guy . paul tannek ( jason biggs ) is a small - town boy who gets a scholarship to nyu  then instantly finds himself an island of compassion and diligence in the cold - hearted big city . paul is the kind of guy who gives up his seat on the subway to an elderly woman ; his roommates adam ( zak orth )  chris ( tom sadoski ) and noah ( jimmi simpson ) are the kind of guys who blast their music and let their waterbeds leak all over paul . paul is also the kind of guy who adores girls from afar  in this case the lovely dora diamond ( mena suvari ) . dora has problems of her own  including a shortage of funds to pay her tuition and a relationship with a professor  edward alcott ( greg kinnear )  that ', s more than slightly one - sided . they ', re two conscientious kids who love animals and homeless people  so clearly they belong together  even if paul is a loser . i must confess that  for a while  i was suckered in by heckerling ', s casting . jason biggs is an engaging performer whose unconventional looks make him even easier to embrace ; suvari is a coquette with an undercurrent of intelligence . they ', re pleasant enough to watch  and heckerling gives us plenty of scenes establishing how nice they are and how nice their respective antagonists aren ', t . then it gradually becomes clear that there ', s virtually nothing to loser but scenes of that sort . in theory  loser is a romantic comedy  but there is scarcely a laugh to be found in the entire film ( notable exception : a cameo by a scene - stealing comic actor as a video store clerk ) . instead of taking any time to make the characters ', situations funny  heckerling spends 98 minutes making her characters ', situations pathetic . she shows none of the ear for quirky dialogue that sparked clueless  nor any of that film ', s interest in lively plotting ( not surprisingly  since clueless ', s plot came via jane austen ', s emma ) . she simply turns the film into a pity party . since loser is a film composed almost entirely of establishing character  you might think that those characters would be interesting  or at least slightly complicated . instead  you have people either so perfect or so unredeemable that there ', s no reason to watch them . paul isn ', t just a nice guy  he ', s flawless ; consequently  he ', s a central character who does absolutely no growing . his roommates aren ', t just inconsiderate  they ', re actively evil - blackmailing professor alcott  drugging women with rohypnol and generally giving humanity a bad name . and professor alcott isn ', t just manipulative  he turns dora into his house slave . dora ', s unthinking devotion to alcott is the only whiff of basic human frailty to be found in loser  and even that isn ', t explored in sufficient detail . there ', s more ambiguity in the 30 - second snippet from alan cumming ', s broadway performance as the emcee in cabaret then there is in the rest of loser it ', s one thing to turn supporting characters into comic exaggerations ; it ', s another to flatten your leads into easily digestible mush . and it would help if those comic exaggerations were somehow . . . i don ', t know . . . comic . still  i spent much of the film holding out the ridiculous hope that heckerling would somehow salvage loser from its tedium and justify my desire to like paul and dora . that hope dissolved the moment heckerling underscored a sequence of paul in the throes of unrequited love to simon and garfunkel ', s " scarborough fair / canticle . " instead of giving the sequence a knowing wink - a reference to the graduate  a hint that paul is becoming an overly - sensitive clich - heckerling plays it deadly straight . even in the scenes that scream for a light comic touch and a bit of a poke at her protagonist ', s foibles  she finds it impossible to stray from the gospel of paul as saint . clueless ', s cher had her self - absorption and manipulative tendencies to balance her cuteness . in loser  amy heckerling shows a leaden hand with material that demands friskiness ( her one show of wit involves naming paul ', s dorm " hunt ', s hall " after erstwhile bowery boy huntz hall ) . her gift with casting proved to be her curse . loser may be a crashing bore  but gee  aren ', t those two kids swell ?
neg capsule : john the baptist is sent from heaven to see is the world is worth saving . he must find some sign of hope in the people of newfoundland . this is little more than a tv skit in movie form . it is watchable and apparently will be released to theaters in canada  but it is unlikely to be seen on the international market . it is diverting but hardly a serious piece of cinema .  0 ( - 4 to + 4 ) minor spoilers in this review . - written and directed by john w . doyle . - john the baptist sent to st . john  newfoundland . gets an invitation to live with a family . that extraordinary hospitality for some reason does not count as a reason for hope . - script has a lot of holes . - friend who adopts john is surprisingly militant and is planning actions to destabilize wall street . - john does look middle eastern  but somehow one expects john the baptist to be more dramatic . - there is a conspiracy in the vatican riding on the result of the visit  though that result seems small compared to the end of the world . - big yucks like seeing a nun give the pope a pedicure and evil pope ', s aid praying to a mendes goat . - in large part a satire of life in newfoundland taking licks at things like the poor produce . the one good tomato in grocery ( by virtue of a miracle ) " must have fallen off the truck to toronto . " - based on a 20 - minute short film .
neg the " disney stick - to - what - you - do - best " rule states that disney ', s animated features will invariably be sublime but whenever they try their hand at live - action kids ', entertainment  they will fail miserably . this goes double for occasions when they try to make a live - action adaptation of a popular cartoon ( remember the 1996 version of 101 dalmations ? i ', m still trying to forget ) . that rule proves more dependable than ever with inspector gadget  an insulting  despicable and  worst of all  expensive piece of trash trying to pass itself off as a viable children ', s film . it will bore anyone over five and should prove unbearable for adults  even at its relatively skinny running time of 80 minutes . it ', s films like this that make me want to go to my local blockbuster and rent something from the days when brains were more important than budgets and wit compensated for lack of fancy effects . just as matthew broderick began to convince me that there is hope for him as an actor yet  his career takes a nosedive to hell with his " role " as john brown  a depressed security guard with a big heart who hopes that one day he can become a real policemen and help the people around him . he dreams of heroic deeds and the subsequent admiration of his long time crush  dr . brenda bradford ( joely fisher ) . but after a few bizarre coincidences it seems that he has to dream no longer . john breaks every bone in his body while trying to save dr . brenda ', s father . dr . brenda has been working on a " gadget project  " which would make a half - man half - machine super - policeman to fight crime . feeling indebted to john she decides to save his life by making him the subject  realizing his dream of becoming a policeman . now  when he says " go go gadget [ insert name of gizmo here ] " he can use all kinds of nifty gadgets to capture crooks  bang up bandits and mangle murderers . in the meantime  the evil claw ( rupert everett )  the man responsible for the murder of the good doctor ', s father is building a gadget of his own : a carbon copy of our inspector gadget except evil and john brown ', s worst nemesis . claw has plans of world domination  which leaves it up to the inspector and his gadget mobile ( voice of d . l . hughley ) to save humanity from his wrath . state of the art effects fly at a mad pace in this $ 90 million dollar movie and yet director david kelogg never sets up a convincing atmosphere . had they replaced all the fancy gizmos with dollar bills they would have wound up with the same effect . what we see on the screen is like the raw ingredients of a meal : all of the expensive f / x amounts to nothing . part of the charm of the tv series was its sly irreverence which has gone down the toilet in the condescending movie . can kids really admire a hero so goody - two - shoes that he screams " hey ! you ran a stop sign ! " while hanging off the back bumper of a quickly moving vehicle ? i think that today ', s children will respond better to somebody dashing  someone ultra - cool . they ( probably ) receive enough preaching from their parents and its an insult to their intelligence to assume that they want to go to an action movie to see a father figure kick butt . in addition to the more complex complaints above  there ', s also the simple stuff : inspector gadget is boring  formulaic and achingly implausible . there ', s no feeling that the director really cares about his story : more than any other film i ', ve seen this year  this one really feels like it was made on an assembly line . there ', s a popular commercial ( for sprite  but that ', s irrelevant ) running in movie theaters before features that spoofs the way major studios deal with projects . it consists of studio suits discussing a fictitious ( thank god ) movie called " death slug " . each executive gleefully presents a different merchandise tie - in ( slug taco ! slug on a stick ! ) . at the end one of them asks " what about the movie ? " another answers : " well  we don ', t have a script yet  but we can bang one out by friday . " they probably could have replaced " death slug " with inspector gadget . this film contains the sort of logical contradictions and blatantly obvious adherence to formula that could have been eliminated had any attention been payed to the script . it ', s no coincidence that most good children ', s entertainment these days comes from animation . animated features take so long to maker that it becomes a labor of love for the filmmakers and they put care and pride into their work . these kinds of films are banged out quicker and a good percentage turn out worthless  sloppy and impersonal . the studios are becoming factories and films their assembled products . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
neg as the twin surfer dudes  stew and phil deedle  lay bandaged and unconscious in the hospital  phil comes to first and chooses the coolest way to wake his brother . yanking out his iv  he uses it like a water pistol to soak his brother ', s face . this bit of lame physical humor is typical of disney ', s meet the deedles  a movie more to be endured that watched . ( i stopped looking at my wife during the screening  since every time i did  she ', d start sticking her finger in her throat . and she ', s right  it is that bad . ) directed without any imagination by steve boyum  whose long background in film is mainly in stunts and in second unit direction  the film limps along at best . boyum attempts to keep the pace moving by staging stunts  stunts and more stunts . amazingly for someone with his background  he seems incapable of finding any fresh ones  and we have a car go off the road five different times -- maybe more . but who ', s counting ? and then there is the script by james herzfeld  whose only other film  tapeheads from a decade ago  was so awful that it is considered a cult classic . meet the deedles  however  is painfully bad rather than laughably bad . it will probably be in and out of the theaters like a tornado and is in no danger of becoming a classic anything . herzfeld treats us to gratingly abysmal dialog that includes " your geyser ', s a geezer  " and " i ', d like to put a deedle in her haystack . " as the movie opens  the twins  who at one point describe themselves modestly as " a walking kodak moment  " are celebrating their 18th birthday . as they ride a parasail high above the waters of waikiki  a truant officer pursues them on his jet ski . as heirs to the fabulous fortune of the deedle empire  the boys are sent by their father to camp broken spirit at yellowstone to transform the two laid - back beach bums into men . as they arrive in their wetsuits in yellowstone  they ', ve got their surfboards  skateboards  and a hawaiian drink machine the size of an armoire . their camp has gone out of business  but they are mistaken for new park rangers . the rest of the movie has them fighting the park ', s overpopulation of prairie dogs as well as a deranged ex - ranger  played by dennis hopper  who is out to stop old faithful before its billionth birthday celebration  scheduled for later in the week . hopper  who has made some wonderful movies  carried away being a recent favorite  does have a propensity for choosing some truly odoriferous material . this isn ', t his worst acting  but meet the deedles is arguably the worst movie he ', s ever been in . steve van wormer and paul walker  as stew and phil  give lifeless performances . the only actor in the movie with any demonstrable talent is a cute little prairie dog named petey . even the cinematography by david hennings is so prosaic that it manages to make yellowstone look dull . to add insult to injury  hennings is fond of inappropriate close - ups  which only serve to remind us of the inanity of the dialog . put a ten - foot pair of lips on the screen  and you naturally pay extra attention to what is said . although boyum says in the notes that he is proud that his film is appropriate for families  one wonders how many skateboarders will attempt the movie ', s stunt of lying on your back on a skateboard while negotiating a busy and twisting mountain road . they make it look like so much fun that i ', m sure many will try some variation of the stunt . " how could this possibly be worst  " asks phil . just when you suspect it can ', t  the movie takes a turn further downhill . its low point may have you looking for an airline barf bag . after phil ', s girlfriend digs up a big mount of moist soil  they suck in a long worm . like the two dog lovers eating spaghetti in lady and the tramp  their lips finally meet in a kiss . as they pull back  their faces are full of the dirt that encased the worm they have just ingested . meet the deedles runs about an hour and a half . it is rated pg for a little bathroom humor and would be acceptable for kids around 6 and up . my son jeffrey and his friend nickolas  both almost 9  gave the show * * * . they both thought the scenes with petey were among their favorites . nickolas also mentioned the scene in which the circus bear drives a jeep  and jeffrey especially liked the one in which the circus elephant was referred to as dumbo .
neg [', bicentennial man ', is a family film without any external motive with the exception of providing the minimum dose of entertainment . chris columbus  the director who gave you " mrs . doubtfire "  plays on sentimental strings and mushy dialogue to make his point . based on the short story by isaac asimov  it is supposed to be a science fiction story about a robot who wants to be human  which as you can imagine is very difficult . starting in a not too distant future the film concentrates on a wealthy family that buys an android to help them with the house and children . soon this robot  called andrew ( robin williams ) shows abilities that makes his owner mr . martin ( sam neill ) very curious . andrew is interested in art and music  he " enjoys " making clocks  which clearly shows that he has genuine emotions . it shows out that because of a small failure in the " electrical circuits " and " positronic brain " andrew has accidentally gained a soul . this makes him unique and his evil creators worried . then mr . martin decides to teach andrew all the things he wasn ', t programmed to do . soon andrew wants to leave the house in pursuit of freedom  destiny and love . this film can be described as a disney version of blade runner  a film that still shines as the biggest gem in the crown of science fiction . ever since that film  the subject of humanity still stands as one big controversy . what makes us human ? the thoughts ? the emotions ? is it possible to become human ? at what point can we say to a robot " now you are one of us " ? these are very tough questions that require a serious and thurral approach . it is obvious that columbus didn ', t take them very seriously . when you think about it  this film is not really meditating on the question " when is a robot no longer a machine  but a human being ? "  but tells a story about racial discrimination and lack of understanding . andrew is so complex and emotional from the very beginning that the audience immediately accepts him as a human being  and only the society has troubles with it . in other words  it is as far from reality as from the academy awards . further more  there are other annoying problems . to this day no serious filmmaker has dared to speculate about the future in more than 50 years from now . this has not been done for obvious reasons  because the filmmakers are well aware of the fact that they lack the knowledge and imagination to perform such a difficult task . columbus is the first to have crossed that line . the result is  as you might imagine  primitive  unrealistic and incredibly disappointing effort . the world is simply frozen in time . neither the society  fashion  culture or values have changed over 200 years . mom is still working at the kitchen  doing the dishes . when you think back to the late 17th century and then compare it to the world we live in today  you ', ll see a slightly bigger difference . i am not saying that everything should change . it is unlikely that the human rights will change  but it ', s even more unlikely that there will not be any progress in science  technology and fashion . i suppose it ', s possible to watch this as a some sort of bizarre fairytale  but it ', s really hard . robin williams is hidden behind c and speaking in a robotic way . as always he does a decent job  as does sam neill . but it doesn ', t really matter . it is the sentimentality and length that turns this picture into a tiresome experience . pretty much like last year ', s " meet joe black "  this is a primitive and unresolved story which is presented with a splendor and professionalism that it doesn ', t deserve . great actors and a talented crew have worked hard to achieve something that will be instantly forgotten . when isaac asimov wrote this story  the future seemed far away and magical . everything seemed possible . now is the future of asimov ', s time  and we know that it is not as magical and perfect as it seemed a long time ago . for the same reasons that the young generation of today can not be amazed by julius verne ', s " 20 000 leagues under the sea "  so can ', t we accept this story as a potential reality . let us hope that next year ', s " a . i . " will be more rewarding .
neg in the continuation of warner brother ', s franchise  joel schumacher has successfully killed this cash cow . what makes this film such a grand disappointment is the tremendous line up of talented people involved with the film . avika goldsman ', s screenplay is such a cluttered mess that there is no suspense built from one scene to another . this coming on the heals of such a marvelously written project as " the client " is such a shock that it gives rise to thoughts that the latter film was a fluke . situations are developed and executed with no thought of reason other that to get the characters from one point to another . this is most glaringly brought to point by the appearance of alicia silverstone ', s batgirl  who just happens to be alfred ', s niece . the story of dr . victor freeze is told almost completely in dialogue as an afterthought . while working on a cure for a tragic decease contracted by his wife  dr . freeze is injured during a cryogenic procedure  and becomes a man who can only survive in a sub zero environment . now of course he has become a terrorist intent on turning the world into a frozen planet where only he can live . now the logic of that little sub - plot escapes me . if mr . freeze wanted to find a cure for his wife and bring her back from the brink of death  why would he want to have her live in a world with no warmth . this is indeed a cold hearted man . the development of poison ivy is no less contradictory . she wants to breed a form of plant life that can defend itself like an animal . she joins with mr . freeze in his plan to start a new ice age  destroying all animal life  therefore giving her plant creations no reason to have the defense mechanism she had been trying to breed into them . the characters have no logic . batman of course is no longer the dark knight of the earlier films . now that he has an adoptive son in burt ward / robin  bruce wayne is trying to be a father figure  constantly spouting out homilies about family and relationships  while at the same time not really having any . george clooney tries in vain to keep from rolling his eyes while reciting the dialogue given him . to say that his performance is workman - like is to be generous . his best performances are still on " e . r . " . bruce wayne has the most unromantic evening with his girlfriend ( played by elle macpherson )  that it brings into question bruce ', s latent homosexuality . there is no spark and no passion ( as there was for nicole kidman ', s psychologist in " batman forever " ) between bruce and anyone other than alfred . and even that relationship is very reserved . robin comes off less charismatic that in the last film in the series . now he ', s just a spoiled kid . in " batman forever "  burt ward wanted to be batman ', s partner and friend . now  robin is suffering from ego deficiency . robin ', s attraction for poison ivy is not believable  except for a boy around the age of 15 . his later flirtation with batgirl smacks of incest  even though they are not related in a traditional sense . chris o ', donnell  once considered a rising star  successfully burns up on reentry with this performance . his robin needs nothing more than a good spanking . the less said about alicia silverstone ', s performance the better . this talented young actress reads her lines with all the aplomb of a dubbing actor for a godzilla film . she was cast strictly for her commercial value and she knew it . this brings us to the villains . arnold scharzenegger walks through his part with all the concern of someone waiting for payday . the most rediculous scene is during mr . freeze ', s imprisonment . the guards are at least a foot taller that arnold and yet fall at his hand in one of the most unbelievable fights scenes caught on film . it ', s almost as ludicrous as seeing michael jackson as a gang member . umu thurman struts and coos her way through her part  showing a growing discomfort with her sex symbol status . her poison ivy has all the come hither sex appeal of may west in " sextette " ( 1978 ) . the only performances worthy of notice are pat hingle and michael gough . these two seasoned veterans carry their scenes with a dignity sorely lacking from the rest of the film . without going through the intricacies of the plot  there is one question that always comes to mind with this series ( except for the first " batman " )  and that is how do these super villains manage to hire so many thugs only to abandon them at the final reel . mr . freeze is introduced with a team of hockey playing hoodlums that seem to have stepped out of an old kiss music video . every villain ( even the minor ones ) have to have a look  no one can be an individual with day glow paint on their face or some sort of elaborate costume . with this film  warner brothers has succeeded in retrograding the series back to it ', s tv incarnation . the only thing missing from the action scenes are the superimposed titles detailing the pows !  gwaaaa ', s  and clang ', s associated with the old series . you almost wonder if william dozier  producer of the tv series is collecting royalties from this film . the special effects ( by john dykstra ) and production design ( by barbara ling ) are the primary stars of this film . and it is a case of extravagance in the pursuit of nothing . every set  from ivy ', s lair  the batcave  to freeze ', s hideout is set with enough neon and fiberglass to keep the epa in paperwork for years to come . there is no one realistic set or set piece in the film . everything is set for maximum exposure . the special effects have that strange cartoon look that most rushed cgi effects have . there are homage thrown in by dykstra and his team to gene warren and his work on " the time machine " ( the growing plant scene ) but these scenes are so wroth with glaring color and art that they are almost obscured . joel schumacher has directed the film with no flair . camera angles are poorly chosen rehashing set ups from the old tv series . master shots pepper the action scenes  destroying any flow of kinetic quality they may have had . mr . schumacher is a good director . one just has to look back on the films " the lost boys "  " cousins " ( an underrated film ) and " the client " to know that . but " batman and robin " comes off as a mated made for tv movie . the film has no style of individuality . it is the cinematic equivalent to jell - o  pretty to look at  but empty . it is unfortunate that this film  even with it ', s surprisingly strong box office has succeeded in doing what warner ', s thought tim burton would do with the franchise . kill it . joel schumacher ', s " batman & robin " is loud  colorful  action packed  and ultimately . . boring . stars .
neg long ago  films were constructed of strong dialogue  original characters  memorable plot points  and solid acting . one of the best examples that hollywood now completely ignore these qualities is found in the new film where the heart is . this opus about the power of love and the redemption of family follows the tragic  and i mean tragic  life of novalee nation ( natalie portman ) . hitting the road with her hick  guitar - playing boyfriend in a rusted - out gm  novalee dreams of the blue skies of bakersfield and sipping chocolate milk beneath a plastic umbrella with her unborn baby  due in a month . stopping off at a nearby wal - mart for a quick rest  novalee ', s boyfriend decides to take off and leaves her there . novalee then decides to secretly hole up in the wal - mart ( because she ', s not the brightest bulb in the stagelights ) . a wacky librarian ( keith david ) comes to her rescue when she goes into labor one night while she is camped in the outdoors section of the store . then the she moves in with a family  befriends everyone in town -- including ashley judd ', s character ( who has five kids and still can work part - time as a nurse ) -- fights off religious freaks  survives a tornado  breaks the heart of the wacky librarian that saved her  receives an inheritance  builds a martha stewart - esque house  becomes an award - winning photographer  and manages to always look like she stepped out of a cosmo shoot  all while not once doing anything with her kid . this film is terrible . the directing is awful : it seems director matt williams had an index card with six angles written on it and used every one of them  over and over and over again . we get pathetic and ugly acting by natalie portman  who can do good work . a disjointed pacing of key scenes and a time structure so confusing that it would throw steve prefontaine off . a subplot that actually validates the actions of the boyfriend who abandoned novalee in the wal - mart parking lot . an embarrassing display of emotions by the characters  making the audience ill . taking two great comedic screenwriters  babaloo mandel and lowell ganz  and forcing them to write drama on par with oprah ', s book club . altogether  it has the feeling of being trapped at home  watching a very bad television mini - series and wishing it to end  only the remote is broken . however  the main problem with the film is that it never answers the most poignant question brought up : where is the heart ? no one ever seems to find it in this piece of junk .
neg stars : armand assante ( mike hammer )  barbara carrera ( dr . charlotte bennett )  laurene landon ( velda )  alan king ( charles kalecki )  geoffrey lewis ( joe butler )  paul sorvino ( detective pat chambers )  judson scott ( charles hendricks )  barry snider ( romero )  julia barr ( norma childs ) / mpaa rating : r / review : in the 1982 updating of mickey spillane ', s 1947 novel " i  the jury  " hard - boiled detective mike hammer is a vietnam vet who drives a shiny bronze trans am  dresses like don johnson in " miami vice " with less pastels  and has sworn off alcohol . however  he still smokes his lucky strikes  detests all forms of authority  and kills at a whim . beyond that  the updated film retains little or no resemblance to the original pulpy page - turner by spillane  probably the most infamous and often reviled of all mystery writers . the movie starts off with a bang : a howler of an opening credits sequence that is a cheap steal from the james bond series  complete with cheesy graphics and an overbearing jazz score by bill conti ( " rocky " ) . after that  the movie and the book begin the same  with the murder of jack williams ( frederick downs )  a one - armed detective and hammer ', s best friend . hammer declares that he will seek vengeance for jack ', s death  and with the help of his devoted secretary  the blond and shapely velda ( laurene landon )  and the alternately friendly / antagonistic police chief pat chambers ( paul sorvino )  he is immediately on the killer ', s trail . here the movie splits completely from the book  and dives into a convoluted and improbable tale of government conspiracy and mind control tactics involving the mafia  the cia  one of hammer ', s vietnam vet buddies  and a kinky sex clinic . many of the same characters from the book appear in the movie  but they take on slightly different roles . for instance  charles kalecki ( alan king )  a numbers runner and narcotics dealer in the book  turns into a suave mob boss . and  more importantly  hammer ', s suspicious love interest  charlotte bennett ( barbara carrera )  morphs from a run - of - the - mill psychiatrist into the coordinator and founder of the sex clinic . " i  the jury " is one of several cinematic renditions of spillane ', s books ( including a 1953 version which was made in 3 - d )  but this film differs from those earlier versions in one major way : it includes all of the sex and violence spillane wrote about that could never be given screen treatment due to hollywood ', s production code . although this takes the 1982 version of " i  the jury " closer to the core of the original subject matter  it is in this aspect that the film received the most criticism  because it took this new license to extremes that many argued surpassed what was in the book . rest assured  the movie not only includes a great deal of nudity  but it is thoroughly violent  especially toward women . it features one woman having her neck slashed  a set of twins forced to strip before being stabbed to death by a psychotic sexual deviant programmed by the cia ( judson scott )  and another woman shot point - blank in the belly by hammer himself . no one would deny that spillane ', s writing has a definite misogynistic nature  but the movie seems to take it a step further by giving it such glorious screen treatment ; its constant equation of sex and violence  much of which is played with the intention of being erotic  is quite unsettling . it ', s no surprise that the movie  like the book  fades to black with a dead woman on the floor . " i  the jury " had a troubled production and was not well - supported by the studio that made it  which is one explanation why it didn ', t do well in theaters and many people have forgotten that it was ever made . the script was written by larry cohen  who is best known for his creatively cheesy but nonetheless effective monster movies  like " it ', s alive " ( 1974 ) and its two sequels  " q " ( 1981 )  and " the stuff " ( 1985 ) . cohen wrote the script thinking he was going to helm the project as well  but he was yanked from the director ', s chair after only a week ', s worth of shooting because he was already $ 100  000 over budget . he was quickly replaced by richard t . heffron  who has worked for the last three decades on a handful of undistinguished movies and dozens of television projects . heffron was obviously brought in not for his talent  but because he could make the movie rapidly and efficiently . it shows in the final product . cohen had personal interest in the updated version of hammer  but heffron has none . he shot the movie quickly and clumsily  and although some scenes ring true  most of them are flat  trite  and invariably dull . the movie features numerous car chases  shoot - outs  and stunts  but heffron ', s background in television is the dominant tone ; despite the graphic violence and full - frontal nudity  " i  the jury  " takes on the air of a made - for - tv quickie  with no real punch or depth . but the problems in " i  the jury " run deeper than the technical . the central fault in this updating is mike hammer  whose character was lost in the shuffle while updating from the fifties to the eighties . because spillane wrote all his hammer mysteries in the first person  hammer ', s character is central to the tale because all the events are filtered through his persona . we never really get that impression in the movie -- there is no first - person voice - over narration and some scenes don ', t have hammer in them at all . consequently  a great deal of the texture of spillane ', s storytelling is lost . the period updating turns out to be a detrimentally bad idea because much of hammer ', s moral code is thrown to the wind . despite his characterization as a hard - nosed  violent  misogynistic killer  hammer always stuck fervently to his own moral code . the title itself  " i  the jury  " refers to his anti - establishment notion of being his own law . unlike private eyes who seek out the bad guys and then turn them over the police  hammer both pursues the criminal and exacts the punishment . in this way  he can be seen as " above the law  " but he still adheres strictly to her own personal code of conduct  his own morality . the movie forgoes that aspect of his character  and hammer comes off not only as amoral in society ', s terms  but in any terms  especially his own . if anything  hammer always had his professionalism  but the movie does away with that in the first three minutes by showing him rolling in the sack with the wife of a client who had paid him to find out if that wife was being unfaithful . maybe the scene was intended for laughs  but it only cheapens hammer ', s character and is  by all accounts  a lousy way to start the movie . the blame for hammer ', s character can ', t be laid on assante ', s shoulders  because despite some unnecessary marlon brandon - like mumbling  he delivers a fine performance . spillane never once described hammer ', s physical attributes in any of the dozen books in which he appeared  so any actor could conceivably portray him . of course  because of the lack of written description  those who have read spillane ', s books will have a strong personal notion of what hammer looks like  and therefore almost any screen incarnation will somehow fall short of expectations ( spillane  who played the character himself in 1963 ', s " the girl hunters  " is generally considered the best of the film hammers ) . the rest of actors are most un - noteworthy . with the exceptions of alan king and paul sorvino  everyone who appeared in " i  the jury " were up - and - comers who basically went nowhere . many of them ended up working in television ( like carrera  who had a short stint on " dallas " in the mid - eighties )  which only adds to the made - for - tv atmosphere of the film . maybe someday  someone will manage to get the right elements together and make an effective film rendition of a spillane book  but this is certainly not it .
neg nostalgia for the 70s continues  as we see a revival of one of the decade ', s greatest achievements : the marijuana comedy . however half baked doesn ', t quite run with all its brain cells  and will make you appreciate the questionable talents of cheech and chong all the more . the plot follows the misadventures of four ne ', er - do - well stoners . there ', s the group ', s unofficial leader  thurgood ( david chappelle )  scarface ( guillermo diaz )  brian ( jim breuer )  and kenny ( harland williams ) . kenny gets into trouble  when  while on a munchie run  feeds his snack foods to a diabetic police horse . when the animal keels over  he finds himself accused of killing a police officer  and facing a $ 1  000  000 bail . his friends promise to raise money for a 10 % bail bond  but have no idea how . that is  until thurgood stumbles upon a stash of pharmaceutical marijuana being tested at the company where he works as a janitor . soon the three guys are dealing dope to raise funds  while avoiding the cops and rival dealer sampson simpson ( clarence williams iii ) . for a comedy  the film is pretty humorless . not that it doesn ', t try . . . it ', s just that the comic setups are obvious and the payoffs nearly all fall flat . the four leads are nearly all playing the same character . only williams stands out ( while still performing on the level of his humor - free comedy rocket man )  but that is because he ', s imprisoned throughout most of the film  giving a much needed change of pace ( but mostly swapping one set of obvious gags for another ) . to help out  the film is packed full of cameos . steven wright  tommy chong  janeane garofalo  willie nelson  snoop doggy dogg  and jon stewart all make appearances at one point or another . none of them work  beyond the simple " hey  that ', s _____ " level . in fact the funniest work in the film comes from chappelle . not as his bland pothead lead  but in his second role  as a pot - obsessed rapper  sir smokealot . granted  it ', s pretty much a one - joke role  and there aren ', t a ton of laughs . . . but this film needs every one it can scrape up . to top it off  and in a move contrasting with the tone of the rest of the film  thurgood is given a love interest  mary jane ( rachel true ) . her role is that of the public service announcement : to inform us why doing drugs ( including pot ) is wrong . her character seems fabricated merely as a defense to the " your film promotes the use of drugs " camp . the film would have been better off by sticking with the " rebel " tone it so eagerly tries to claim . yet  in the end  it doesn ', t really matter . watching the film clean and sober  you are bound to recognize how truly awful it is .
neg i saw this film on christmas day expecting an upbeat comedy . boy was i in for a christmas dissapointment ! after an hour of the movie  i was ready to change rooms - into another theater ! read on to see what i have to say . . . . four rooms : starring : tim roth  jennifer beals  antonio banderas  quentin tarantino  valeria golino  madonna  bruce willis  marisa tomei  alicia witt  lili taylor  and ione skye . possible stars ) " four rooms " was supposed to be one of the biggest hits of the year . key word here : " supposed . " four of the biggest directors in hollywood : quentin tarantino  robert rodriguez  alexander rockwell  and alison anders were all directing one big film with a big and popular cast . i guess it was all just too much because this turned out to be the biggest flop of the year and it could of been great . the plot : it ', s new years eve and it ', s a bellboy ', s first day on the job . he encounters many mysterious and kinky hotel guests as he tries to handle all his own problems . tarantino told his directors this plot  and each of them wrote a script . it turned out each of them had written a dark comedy . anders wrote and directed the tale about a coven of witches ( madonna  valeria golino  alicia witt  and ione skye )  which was the worst one out of all of them . the second room ( jennifer beals ) was better  but lacking in plot . this room was about a man who accuses every man of sleeping with his wife . the third room ( antonio banderas ) was the best roomm  about two rambunctous kids that trash a hotel suite . the final one ( tarantino  willis ) was about a movie star wanting the bellboy to chop off someone ', s finger . the movie was just plain trash . there was nothing here that even makes up a quality film . it was not funny  and i didn ', t hear one laugh in the theater throughout the whole film . tim roth is horrible as the bumbling and mumbling bellboy  and he ruins every joke in the film . the supporting cast loses meaning to the word support and the only mentionable actors / actresses are antonio banderas and jennifer beals . marisa tomei appears in a stupid cameo role . this movie is the worst film of the year and the film could have been great  perhaps like a more upbeat " plaza suite  " but it wasn ', t . as trashy as it was  some people will call it classic . do you call a man chopping off a finger with madonna ', s chest showing a classic film ? look for more of ken ', s kritic korner coming soon ! please check the newsgroups under the movie reviews section for updated reviews . p . s . " four rooms " made number 1 on my top ten worst list of 1995 .
neg anna and the king is at least the fourth film adaptation of margaret landon ', s fact based novel the king and i  and it ', s big  expensive and soulless . though good - looking  its lavish sets  fancy costumes and luscious cinematography can do little to compensate for the emotional wasteland that is peter krikes and steve meerson ', s script . so much money was spent on pretty pictures that they forgot to actually make the movie interesting . this is jodie foster ', s first movie since the jaw - droppingly brilliant contact came out more than two years ago and it isn ', t the best choice to show off her acting chops . she ', s trapped in the stoic role of anna leonowens  the uptight  widowed british schoolteacher who comes to siam ( now thailand ) with her son to instruct the king ', s ( chow yun - fat ) son in the ways of the west ( because " the ways of england are the ways of the world ) . the king likes her so much he puts her in charge of educating the whole royal family ( 58 kids with 10 more in the way ; impressive  no ? ) . the eldest prince is none too happy about this ( " father  have i offended you in some way ? why do you punish me with imperialist schoolteacher ? )  but soon gets to know anna and her stern - mother - who - loves - you personality better and comes to like her . meanwhile  siam comes under attack from the neighboring british colony of burma . the king and his close advisors suspect that this is britain ', s doing which arouses suspicion in siam  putting anna in an uncomfortable position . she is not sure what to make of this and seems to herself suspect british involvement in the crisis but works to diffuse the king ', s prejudices . he  though self - righteous as ever  can ', t help but be influenced by the eloquent anna and they slowly  quietly  develop affections for each other . there is a scene in the middle of anna and the king where one of the king ', s younger daughters dies . it ', s your classic deathbed scene  with the girl ', s mournful eyes staring at her father  who tries only semi - successfully to maintain his composure . anna then comes in and cries a bit . the sequence was there for a purpose : to evoke a strong emotional response from the viewer . i ', m usually a sucker for such scenes and yet this time  i was just sitting there  my emotions untouched . this remains true through all of the movie which remains emotionally barren . we never develop connections to the characters ; never given a reason to care . this ludicrously long epic was directed by andy tennant  whose last film was ever after  one of my favorites of 1998 . i do not doubt tennant ', s ability to put together a decent movie  but anna and the king  aside from being psychologically inept is also technologically deficient . the sets and scenery are gorgeous  but the camerawork does nothing to convey its grandeur . even terrence malick managed to do more with flora and fauna in his otherwise abysmal the thin red line than tennant can muster from $ 75 million worth of props and a shoot in malaysia . we feel like the camera is restricted to its immediate point of view ; there are no wide tracking shots or sweeping zooms to fill us with larger - than - life awe . i liked both foster and yun - fat  who give entertaining if not terribly involving performances in the two lead roles . foster ', s generally stoic persona serves her well here  as she is playing a reserved  formal and rather underdeveloped character . yun - fat is especially effective  perfectly conveying the king of siam ', s sangfroid permeated with violent outbursts . what does anna and the king in is its inability to involve the viewer in its characters and situations . the cast is great  the director is talented  and the budget is lavish  but this ill - advised remake of the classic rogers and hammerstein movie is unable to utilize any of those things to form a compelling whole . this is an emotionless costume epic .
neg robin hood : men in tights is another mel - brooks - produced film in the classic tradition of movies like blazing saddles and young frankenstein . mel brooks is well known for his comic look at regular life  his fast paced dialogue and sharp wit . unfortunately  robin hood : men in tights has none of the easy going humor of blazing saddles  none of the fun acting of young frankenstein  is devoid of the charm of spaceballs  and is even lacking the good  solid dialogue of history of the world . it is  in short  one of the worst movies i have seen mel brooks  or anybody else  produce . the plot borrows heavily from the well - received kevin costner movie of last year  robin hood : prince of thieves . this is not surprising in and of itself  and could have been used to great comic effect  mainly by parodying scenes from the orginal movie . mel brooks does not take advantage of this  however  and uses the film to launch several ideas into the air  none of which connect and none of which are explained later on . the movie ', s scenes could be shuffled around in any order and one would be hard pressed to notice . cary elwes  of princess bride fame  plays robin of loxley  a man who was captured in the crusades  fighting with king richard . he escapes and  joining with a man named achoo ( i am sure you can see the obvious joke )  fights in england to reclaim his name and the throne for richard  which has been captured by evil prince john  played by funny comic richard lewis . he also tries for the love of maid marian and attempts to overthrow the evil " sheriff of rottingham " . a good adventure plot that is sadly unused . elwes and lewis are both excellent comics  but the dialogue in the movie is simply excruciating . neither actor has any good words to work with  and the lines simply aren ', t funny  nor believable . perhaps the worst example of this is when the group of merry men encounter a man playing a macaulay culkin clone from the hit movie home alone . this particular scene is so out of place and so badly acted  and followed by so many other scenes of equal miserable ideas  that i really felt like leaving the theatre . much of the audience continued to look at their watches throughout  and some left the theatre . chuckles were few and far between  and they mostly dealt with visual jokes ( such as an old  beaten up horse from " rent - a - wreck " ) then from any dialogue whatsoever . scenes that could have been classics  such as the archery contest  are ruined by poor acting . perhaps the largest problem with the movie is that it is simply offensive . the basic plot  that robin has received a key that will unlock the chastity belt of maid marian  is not witty nor funny . mel brooks as a circumcision - giving rabbi is also offensive to me and others in the audience ( not all jewish  either ) . the movie simply tries to hard trying to be funny and by and large fails . the addition of a blind man who stumbles around  falling off cliffs  walking into ledges and being a general buffoon could have had some humorous potential  but is also made terribly offensive . the only reason to see this movie is the surprise actor at the end who plays king richard . he is well worth waiting for  if you can stand an hour and half of unfunny dialogue  excruciating visual humor  old puns  ancient jokes and bad acting . if you can ', t  don ', t even bother watching this miserable film .
neg with his successful books and movies  michael crichton is doing well . with early successes with westworld ( 1973 ) and coma ( 1978 )  and recent films such as jurassic park ( 1993 )  his films have been entertaining . however  he seems to taken a wrong turn somewhere with sphere . this $ 100 million mess by good director barry levison ( disclosure ) is dull  long winded  and a huge disappointment . considering the huge budget  the all star cast  and a story by crichton  sphere is majorly disappointing . the film opens with norman goodman ( hoffman )  a psychologist who thinks he is visiting an airplane crash to console the survivors . however  when he arrives  he his told by supervisor barnes ( peter coyote ) that he is actually investigating an spacecraft . along with goodman is mathematician harry adams ( jackson )  biologist beth halperin ( stone ) and ted fielding ( liev schrieber . ) they investigate the spaceship  find a massive sphere inside  meet an alien intelligence called jerry  and basically weird crap happens . unfortunately  something went wrong along the way with sphere . the film starts off entertaining enough  but throughout this very long movie  it just gets sillier and sillier . the film jaunts along from scene to scene  never fully explaining what is going on . the actors and directing don ', t help  either . hoffman is on autopilot ( and almost seems embarrassed ) throughout the movie  churning out dull lines  and probably wondering what the hell he is doing in this movie . stone is useless  displaying no emotion  and fails to convince the audience that she has any feelings for hoffman . the only person who seems to be having fun in this movie is jackson  who ', s funny as the mathematician who slowly goes crazy and entering the sphere . but he ', s hardly in it  and by the end of the film he is just as dull as hoffman and stone . the same goes for peter coyote  who hams it up as the officer  but is then killed off halfway through . the director  barry levinson  who directed the better crichton adaptation disclosure ( 1994 ) messes up with the drama and the action . the drama scenes are  quite frankly  boring  and the action scenes suffer from overkill  with levison throwing the camera all over the place ( much like the godawful speed 2  1997 ) the writing doesn ', t help much  either . although crichton is great with plots  he ', s terrible with dialogue  and practically every line in sphere is a dud . the speech is too simple  i was hoping it would be a bit more intelligent . practically every line is just stating the obvious . none of it is smart . also  where the hell did the budget go ? the sphere itself is impressive  and there ', s a few nice special effect shots  but where the $ 100 million went is anyone ', s guess . there ', s a giant squid attack in the picture  but not once does the audience see the squid  even though the film has a massive budget . i assume the picture was trying to build up tension by not showing the squid  and if handled correctly it probably would . but the whole scene is done badly  and i was just hoping we could see the stupid squid . finally  the film has no idea what genre to be . levison can ', t handle his own plot . it leaps from hokey sci - fi  to horror  and finally the shining / event horizon psychological thriller . and  of course  the film is very much like the abyss ( 1988 )  although in it ', s defense  crichton did write sphere before the abyss was released ( and is far superior to this rubbish . ) it ', s not all that bad though . the plot is all right  there ', s a few jump scenes ( although nothing very scary ) and there ', s the occasionally interesting bit . but overall  sphere is a big waste of some fine talent  a lot of money  and a potentially good movie . not really worth seeing . overall rating = review by david wilcock
neg director luis mandoki ', s last film was the superb  serious 1994 drama " when a man loves a woman  " but his luck has ultimately run out with his latest picture  " message in a bottle  " which is the worst type of romance  a movie that tugs so relentlessly and violently at the heartstrings that it miraculously manages to dry out your eyes rather than tear them up . everything that occurs can be telegraphed way in advance since this same type of story has been done many times before --- and much better --- so there ', s an absence of suspense  and the film ultimately moves at such a very  very deliberate pace  as if it is trying to make great  " meaningful " statements and plot developments  that it just becomes a tedious bore to sit through . " message in a bottle " begins with theresa osborne ( robin wright penn )  a single mother and researcher at the chicago tribune  whom finds a bottle washed up on shore as she is jogging one day . inside the bottle is an anonymous love letter addressed to a mystery woman named catherine  and theresa is so taken aback by its honesty and sweetness that she shows it around at her work and  to her objection  finds that her editor has placed the letter in the newspaper . soon  a heavy research is conducted to find out who wrote the letter based on the type of bottle and a ship logo on the top of the typed message  and after it is traced to a man named garrett blake  theresa finds herself traveling to the outer banks  a boating town in north carolina  to find out the specifics of the message . of course  garrett turns out to be a handsome  rugged man around theresa ', s age and played by kevin costner . she is immediately charmed by him  but hesitant to unveil the truth of why she is there  and finds that catherine was garrett ', s late wife who died a few years earlier . do you think you know where this is headed ? most likely you do  and i wouldn ', t call it giving away anything to say that by the picture ', s end  the movie has fallen into deep  artificial melodrama that i didn ', t buy for a second . if there are any positive things to say about " message in a bottle  " it is that the performances by robin wright penn and paul newman  as garrett ', s stubborn  but loving father  are far above par to be in such a wasteful  " shaggy dog " love story  and that the cinematography by caleb deschanel takes great advantage of the beautiful eastern coast  and paints chicago as an equally alluring city . meanwhile  costner has yet to redeem himself for some of the less - than - stellar films that he has made recently . it seems that with such bad luck  he wouldn ', t want to make another movie set near water  but here he is again with one of the main  and most ridiculous  centerpieces set on a storm - swept sea . the other actors are all  sadly  wasted  including illeana douglas  an underused actress who seems to always get stuck with the " friend " roles  here playing penn ', s confidante and co - worker at the tribune . the first half of " message in a bottle " plays like a hum - drum  trite television movie for the lifetime channel  as theresa spends a great deal of time " getting to know " garrett  with dialogue that is not the least bit stimulating or entertaining . usually  i am the type of person to practically salivate over dialogue - laden sequences since the film is no doubt trying to develop the characters and their relationships  but here it all rang with a resounding falseness since the dialogue felt " written  " and not as if people were really " talking . " when the main characters of a film have very little of interest to say to each other  and are not particularly interesting themselves  you know immediately that you are in trouble . i swear that while watching " message in a bottle  " i felt as if i had just read the screenplay in its entirety before arriving at the theater ( heck  in actuality i ', m not even familiar to the novel this is based on  by nicholas sparks ) . always one step ahead of the characters  the movie ran so closely and tightly to the constraints of the tried - and - true hollywood melodrama  the film strip often seemed to almost be in danger of tearing . nobody wins prizes for guessing that garrett will eventually find out theresa ', s secret  and that several obstacles will come within their ways of living happily ever after . this same exact problem occurred in last year ', s very  very similar ( watch this  and you will realize just how similar i mean ) meg ryan - nicolas cage romantic drama  " city of angels . " although theresa is deeply touched by the " heartfelt " letter that she finds in the bottle  perhaps the filmakers might have been better off finding a message in a bottle of their own  preferably before filming began . it should have read  " memo to screenwriters : use you brain ! "
neg i remember really enjoying this movie when i saw it years ago . i guess my memory really sucks . there is very  very little that is funny in caddyshack . the laughs are few  and far between  and what there are really aren ', t that great . caddyshack  as the name implies  more or less centers on one young caddy working at an exclusive country club . michael o ', keefe plays said caddy . why they cast this unknown  fairly untalented actor in the lead role is completely beyond me . the movie doesn ', t seem to have a real plot  just a series of scenes that are little more than opportunities for the rest of the cast to mug at the camera . the only real story  if you can call it that  was a subplot involving the mentally disturbed greens keeper  bill murray  who is having his own private little war against a gopher who is ruining the course . most of the marginal laughs come from rodney dangerfield and ted knight mugging and overacting for the camera -- with painfully limited success . bill murray is slightly amusing in places  but fairly wasted . the biggest waste of all is chevy chase  who didn ', t even crack a smile on my face with his character ', s lame zen - like approach to golfing . there are a few decent scenes involving the interaction between dangerfield and knight  but they are far too infrequent to carry the movie . i guess that ', s what you get for basing a story around an unknown kid . i ', m not sure what the writers of this thing were thinking of  but i really think it was something far removed from comedy as they were putting pen to paper . nothing about this movie works . it wouldn ', t have taken a genius to figure out that this thing wasn ', t going to fly . most of the scenes just couldn ', t possibly be funny . it ', s as if the writers where off in their own little brain damaged world . i ', m sure scenes involving chevy chase and his oneness with the golf ball were supposed to be funny . in reality  they were painfully embarrassing to watch . there is a scene at the club pool where all the caddies go wild for the " hot babe " of the movie walking by in her bikini . olive oil would have filled out this swimsuit better than this girl . everything about this movie was just completely implausible as far as the comedy was concerned . maybe if you were drunk out of you mind or high off some sort of illegal narcotic this thing might be funny . but for the rest of us  stay the hell away from caddyshack .
neg tommy lee jones chases an innocent victim around america who is trying to prove that she did not kill her spouse . the fugitive ? not quite ? this is the plot for double jeopardy  another fugitive copycat without the action  excitement  and good acting that the original had . there are other slight differences besides one movie being bad and the other good ; this time tommy lee jones plays a parole officer not a us marshall  clever huh ? oh and the fugitive ashley judd was framed by her own husband ( bruce greenwood ) who needed to collect two million dollars in life insurance money not a one armed man . both movies are on video . make the wise choice and pick the fugitive . there are so many flaws in double jeopardy  it is laughable . while serving time in prison  libby parsons ( judd ) discovers that she can never be charged for committing the same crime twice . learning that her husband is still alive  she decides to serve her time in prison  find him  retrieve her son  and kill her husband if necessary . when the strict parole officer travis lehman ( jones ) stands in her way  libby decides to break the rules ( who knows why ? ) and continue her plan  despite the fact that if she gets caught  she ', s going back to jail . director bruce beresford spends way too much time trying to convince the audience that libby misses her son . every other scene  we are given a shot of libby staring and crying at his picture . in an action movie like this  valuable time wasted on these shots takes away more opportunities for libby to get up and do something . all that is needed in this type of movie is a short scene in which libby tells herself or a friend " i miss my son . " nothing more  nothing less . dr . kimble of the fugitive didn ', t look at one picture of his dead wife  his primary concern was to save himself . libby at times shows this same determination but not nearly enough . ashley judd and bruce greenwood both are excellent actors but if they continue to do movies like this  they will be typecast for the rest of their careers  kind of like their doomed co - star tommy lee jones . winning an oscar for the fugitive must have convinced jones that audiences will never get tired of his i - do - my - job - whether - they - are - innocent - or - guilty roles . people still pay to see his movies and he makes plenty of money so i guess he was right . though i don ', t think he will win another oscar again . the ultimate mistake in the script is what eventually becomes of libby parsons . even if she was excused for disobeying her parole officer  the number of other crimes she commits while on the run are too numerous to count . burglary  assault  grand theft auto are some of libby ', s slipups . the message of the movie is you can break all of the small laws as long as you ', re innocent of the major crime . hopefully criminals won ', t use double jeopardy as a reference in court for why they are innocent . that would just be plain stupid .
neg while i am not fond of any writer ', s use of cheap  easy puns  i am not completely above using them myself when the situation merits it ( witness my review of _pecker_ from a couple of issues ago ) . so here goes : the juvenile  college - set black comedy _dead_man_on_campus_ is dead on arrival . strait - laced med student josh ( tom everett scott  who manages to remain somewhat likable throughout ) ', s blemish - free academic record breaks out into fs  thanks to the influence of his ever - partying roommate  cooper ( mark - paul gosselaar )  who introduces josh to the sex - and booze - filled nights that come with university life . with the threat of losing an academic scholarship ( josh ) and a life cleaning toilets for his dad looming ( cooper )  what are two good - hearted slackers to do ? easy -- look for a loophole  which they find in the form of an unbelievable rule in the school charter that states that if a student ', s ( or students ', ) roommate commits suicide  the surviving student ( s ) shall receive straight as . so instead of studying  josh and cooper attempt to seek out the most depressed student out there  move him into their dorm room  and drive him to suicide before the semester ends . director alan cohn and screenwriters michael traeger and mike white ( working from a story by anthony abrams and adam larson broder ) take their sweet time to build the head of steam that comes with josh and cooper ', s diabolical plot . until then  the usual boring cliches of college life ( booze  sex  more booze ) fill the time  which is made to feel longer by _saved_by_the_bell_ alumnus gosselaar ', s sitcom - bred mugging . that said  once cohn and company do build some comic momentum  they mishandle it . the introduction of the manic  psychotic cliff ( lochlyn munro )  a potential roommate for josh and cooper  brings some demented life to the uninspired proceedings before being hastily written out in favor of two less interesting candidates : paranoid nerd buckley ( randy pearlstein ) and british death rocker matt ( corey page ) . one wishes that cliff would reappear  but  as they say  be careful what you wish for . not surprisingly  he does resurface  and it then becomes clear that this is a character that is best taken in a small dose ; almost immediately  his extended boorish and sociopathic antics loses its novelty . the same can be said about all of _dead_man_on_campus_ . whatever morbid appeal the far - fetched premise has quickly evaporates  and the self - absorbed characters  especially cooper  pretty much grate from the get - go . _dead_man_ doesn ', t grow tiresome ; it already _is_ once the clever opening titles are through . as it slogs along to a cheesy  happy - for - all - parties conclusion  _dead_man_ lives up to its title and then some -- not only does the movie grow even more tired and die  it still insists on going on . . . like a zombie .
neg boy  what a great movie ! ! keanu reeves and morgan freeman acting together  the director of the fugitive ( andrew davis ) back again to give us another thriller  and the beautiful rachel stealing beauty weisz thrown in to boot . how could this not be a blockbuster ? all die - hard keanu reeves fans  read on . ol " much ado about nothing " plays eddie kasalivich  a machinist studying at the university of chicago . to help pay for the rent  he takes on this job making the machinery for a hydrogen project being conducted by the university . by happy coincidence  he also happens to stumble on the solution to the final problem and thus is the only one who knows the key to performing this feat of miracle physics . this project holds great promise : taking hydrogen from water and giving out more energy than is put in . a potential solution to the earth ', s energy problems without the pollution cost . surely nobody could have any problems with that ? morgan freeman is paul shannon  the project ', s sponsor . he works for a very powerful organization that disagrees with the paternal project leader as to how quickly technology should be released to the public . he figures the world will disintegrate into anarchy if the results of the project are released too quickly . so he murders the project leader  blows up the project ( great but short scene here  sort of like a mini id4 city - devastation thing ) and tries to simulate the experiment at some other hi - tech hush - hush location . unfortunately  our intrepid machinist and an english physicist ( weisz ) manage to get away and now follows a fugitive - like chase using a not too dissimilar rehash of that movie script . this movie is just dying for a comparison with " the fugitive " . both movies use chicago as the main city and since the place doesn ', t change much  i guess we can ', t really blame the setting for the paucity of atmosphere . the trouble here is that where the fugitive had harrison ford and tommy lee jones  chain reaction only has keanu reeves and fred ward . credit to them  but we aren ', t really given much of a chance to empathise with the characters . where ford was able to work within the confines of the movie to evoke sympathy  eddie kasalivich just doesn9t seem very believeable and reeves ', character is never given the time to develop . it might have been a better investment in film to give the characters more depth and spend less time on the chase sequences  which frankly  get quite boring after a while . harrison ford was " the man against the world . " he was alone in a world where he didn ', t know who to trust and it came across real well . in chain reaction  keanu reeves isn ', t alone . now that would be fine if the fleeing couple had some chemistry and could really portray some paranoia  vulnerability and confusion . we don ', t get this . we get him thinking he ', s still in speed  only now our sandra bullock has an english accent  probably doesn ', t drive a bus  and hardly contributes anything to the movie . the producers here probably thought  " hey  what if keanu and rachel don ', t hit it off too well ? let ', s rope in that morgan to help us out . " well  keanu and rachel didn ', t hit it off well on the screen  and most unfortunately  morgan freeman doesn ', t help much either . the only thing we come to really know of paul shannon is that he always has a full load of cigars in his cigar holder . it ', s not really his fault . once again  andrew davis just doesn ', t take the time to build his characters . someone must have convinced him that this time round  cinema dollars are best earned by making the movie run like a headless chicken . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
neg there are those of us who think of leslie nielsen as the bumbling  hapless straight man from the hysterical " naked gun " films  crack an immediate smile and forgive him of whatever wavering movie spoof he ', s committed himself to starring in since . the wavering movie spoofs  however  are less forgivable . to be fair  " wrongfully accused  " the send - up in question and nielsen ', s third parody since the last " gun  " isn ', t quite as excruciatingly humorless as his " dracula : dead and loving it " or " spy hard  " which is a mighty good thing . nielsen is still in tip - top comedic form  able as ever to deadpan his way through even the most horrible puns  but he really needs a screenplay that plays off his talents instead of relying on them  and he needs one very soon . " wrongfully accused " meshes together the premises of " the fugitive " and " patriot games  " casting its always game star as ryan harrison ( get it ? )  a master violinist who is drawn into an affair with a married temptress ( kelly le brock ) . she  however  sets harrison up to take the rap for the murder of her husband ( michael york ) - a crime actually committed by a one - armed  one - legged  one - eyed man ( aaron pearl ) . harrison is arrested  found guilty and sentenced to death  but escapes from a prison bus  of course  and then is pursued by a determined u . s . marshal named fergus falls ( richard crenna  unnecessarily riffing off of tommy lee jones ', already smirky oscar - winning role ) . there ', s also a mystery brunette ( melinda mcgraw ) and an assassination subplot involving the u . n . secretary general  but like any of it matters . " wrongfully accused " gets off to an assured start  with an in - concert nielsen  touted " lord of the violin " by bare - chested posters  pulling a jimi hendrix on his musical instrument as hundreds of tuxedo - clad mosh in front of the stage . nice touch . most of the scenes that follow  however  never top the opener . ( hysterical exceptions : the mentos and " baywatch " goofs . ) movie parodies are crammed in at an almost - subliminal rate  but most are empty . when a giant snake lunges onto the screen and snatches a cast member a la " anaconda " or baseball players disappear into a " field of dreams " - esque cornfield  there ', s really nothing to laugh at . other moments  like an interlude in a fishing shop  are so unfocused that you ', re not sure what you ', re supposed to be laughing at . there seem to be more cheap references than frenzied send - ups here  so it ', s possible that director / writer pat proft  by bombarding the viewer with a careless mixture of the two  guarantees something is sure to stick . and what does stick sticks well  particularly the jabs at genre conventions like stylized flashbacks and hard - boiled dialogue  what those " naked gun " s ( which proft collaborated on ) did great ; these bits are so on - target that they allow you to remember " wrongfully accused " as an almost - halfway - there spoof instead of a lame - brained failure . the movie might have been cursed to begin with  opening fast on the heels of " mafia ! "  from proft colleague jim abrahams  and " baseketball  " from proft colleague david zucker  but it ', s a strong possibility that nobody is going to be accusing " wrongfully accused " of being nielsen ', s funniest .
neg please don ', t mind this windbag letting off a bit of steam . . . i just want to warn all of y ', all not to waste your hard - earned $$$ on anaconda . it ', s not even worth a 99 - cent video rental . don ', t listen to ebert on this one ( he has no clue what he ', s talking about ! ) btw i accompanied my friend to this one because she was * required * to watch it on assignment ( she reviews movies for a local paper ) . now i ', ll actually back up my huffing and puffing . here goes : movie : anaconda rydain ', s bottom line : wait for it to come on usa up all night . even then  i doubt it ', s worth the price of jolt ( to help you stay up that late ! ) why do i hate anaconda ? let me count the ways . . . first of all  this movie gets way too many snake facts wrong . as an ophiophile ( snake lover )  i can tell you that a ) anacondas would never reach a length of 40 feet  b ) they ', re scared of people  c ) cases of snakes eating adult humans are extremely rare because human shoulders are too wide to fit in a snake ', s mouth  and constrictor snakes don ', t kill what they can ', t eat  d ) people can outrun snakes with no trouble  especially heavy ones like anacondas  e ) if an anaconda did eat a human  it would need at least 6 months of sitting on its butt to digest the huge meal  therefore it couldn ', t run around gobbling up everybody else in the cast  and f ) snakes have no vocal cords  so they can ', t make funny squealing noises . whew . i was prepared to suspend reality if the movie would have been worth it . unfortunately  anaconda was about as suspenseful and exciting as watching paint peel . my friend and i even successfully predicted who would live at the end . anybody can tell the bad guy is going to die eventually . that was a pity because his character was one of the few reasons my friend and i didn ', t give up and fall asleep . he was the most likable character in the movie . who wouldn ', t enjoy somebody who looks like a deranged walt whitman ? anaconda did have its cute moments : arguments between ice cube ', s character and the british guy  for instance . however  those small flashes of wit were not worth the other hour and twenty - eight minutes of boring schlock . the writers had - and blew - a multitude of opportunities to insert funny lines . i was quite disappointed with a scene where a young guy tells a young lady that the jungle makes him horny . did she retort with a clever  ego - withering comeback ? of course not ! " i ', m trying to work ! " gee  that ', s even dumber than the crap comebacks i come up with . she could have told him to go find a knothole or something . . . ; p but i will admit  there was just one scene where i was surprised at the outcome ( hint : it involves the evil guy and miss crap comebacks ) . as for the plot  i ', m still trying to find one . this movie was basically an excuse to get a boatload of people into dangerous territory where they could get snarfed by ridiculous  computer - generated anacondas with the eyes and fangs of vipers and the faster - than - gravity downward acceleration of a harrier jet . ( harrier snake ? ) not to mention instant digestion so they could go snarf countless other victims . the writers tried to throw in some sort of plot twist ( should i call it a plot knot because it made no sense ? ) in which the sick guy ', s g - friend kisses the evil dude and suddenly everybody hates said evil dude and starts trying to kill him . that was about as clear and understandable as mission : impossible . ( if someone could explain that movie to me  i ', d be most grateful ! all the old - guy double agents looked the same ! ! ) i wasn ', t inspired by the acting  save for the evil dude . i can ', t blame the actors  though . it ', s not their fault they had a cruddy script to work with . this concludes rydain ', s diatribe on a shameless exploitation ( and perpetuation ! ) of public fear of snakes . comments  flames  anyone ? - rydain the atomic cheese  fresh from chernobyl dairies !
neg this movie is written by the man who is deemed to be " one of the hottest writers in hollywood " . he wrote the groundbreaking screenplay for scream ( 8 / 10 )  then added the successful i know what you did last summer ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) script to his mix  and also created the popular tv series " dawson ', s creek " . so when he asked to direct his first movie  based on his first ever script written  everyone and their grandma said " sure  go for it ! " . uhhm  my question is . . . did anyone bother reading this stupid script ? ? ? plot : ace student leigh ann watson is mistakenly caught with some cheating papers by the bitchiest teacher in the west  mrs . tingle  and set to lose her scholarship to college . when she and her friends visit the teacher at home in order to explain their side of the story  they end up tying her up  and slowly trying to talk some sense into the hardheaded woman . critique : it ', s not so much that this is a bad movie  than the fact that it sucks . this movie is chock - full of one - dimensional characters  contains no actual humor that i was able to zone in on  zero tension or thrills  plot holes the size of my big ass  lame pop tunes played to mask nothing going on in the movie  and molly ringwald  vivica a . fox and lesley anne warren tossed away in throwaway roles . i was primed for this film as its interesting premise had me thinking misery ( 8 / 10 ) and 9 to 5  but unfortunately for williamson  he went nowhere with the bright foundation  making references to the exorcist and dr . zhivago  which i doubt many in his target market will appreciate . he also forgot about suspense  with all of his characters based on incomprehensible decisions  unbelievable motivations and simply boring us with all of their trite dialogue . sure  katie holmes is cute  and her co - star  marisa coughlan  did a reasonably amusing impression of the exorcist ( worth two points out of my three on ten )  but how can we forgive the biggest one - dimensional character in any film  holmes ', rival in the film  mrs . tingle ', s complete unprofessionalism being let go by all others around her ( are teachers allowed to behave that way nowadays ? ) and a transparent romance between holmes and some long - haired dude  hired to be the poor man ', s version of skeet ulrich ( who himself is a poor man ', s version of johnny depp ! ) . all in all  this movie was laughable for me  provided me with no insight into anything  demonstrated williamson ', s genuine lack of directorial skills alongside a juvenile script  and provided helen mirren with a great role to chew into  unfortunately forgetting to give her character any believability  humanity or capacity to comprehend . no hip lines  no cheap thrills  just a dull time at the movie theater . if you want to see a funny teenage movie  go see detroit rock city ( 8 / 10 )  and thank my drunken  sorry ass in the morning . little known facts about this film and its stars : kevin williamson ', s father was a fisherman . kevin used his knowledge of fishing hooks and winches when creating the killer in i know what you did last summer ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) . he is also a huge fan of steven spielberg and coincidentally  so is dawson leery on tv ', s " dawson ', s creek "  a show kevin created . he was once an aspiring actor . in fact  he even landed a bit part on tv ', s " another world " . also  williamson has gone on record to say that an unsupportive english teacher who once told him that he would never amount to anything was the inspiration for mrs . tingle  which is also loosely based on the book " killing mr . griffin " by the writer of i know what you did last summer ( 7 . 5 / 10 )  lois duncan . he has also come out and said that he is a gay man . helen mirren was born in london  england under the name ilynea lydia mironoff . she is married to director taylor hackford  whose works include devil ', s advocate ( 8 / 10 ) and an officer and a gentleman ( 8 . 5 / 10 ) . this film was originally titled killing mrs . tingle  but was changed after the columbine high school shooting incident . actress marisa coughlan will star in kevin williamson next tv project called " wasteland " . this is actor barry watson first full feature film . he has played the character of " seth " on tv ', s " malibu shores " several times .
neg in a typical cinematic high school  the football jocks have sex with the girls and then dump them  but not before the boys ', scores are dutifully recorded in their little black books . as the sexual acts take place  the other guys hang out nearby  guzzling beer and grunting like pigs . in the rage : carrie 2  robert mandel ', s terminally bland sequel to carrie  there isn ', t a single original moment . only amy irving returns from carrie  and the talent of the rest of the sequel ', s cast is impossible to determine given the stupefying mediocrity of rafael moreu ', s script . as rachel  the horror story ', s lead  emily bergl gives one of the least scary performances in recent memory  but it isn ', t exactly her fault . the director asks for little from his actors  which is precisely what he gets . sporadically in this lame and lifeless movie  rachel will cause school lockers and windows to fly open  but generally she just mopes around looking like a victim . her fellow students delight in tormenting her . of course  she will get her revenge in the obligatory ending bloodbath in which she will decapitate and castrate the boys and crush the girls with burning timbers . as the movie marks time until its big finale  it throws in some repugnant scenes  hoping to turn audience ', s stomachs . rachel ', s girlfriend commits a horrible and realistic suicide after the boy who made " love " to her the night before spurns her . ( he gets major points in his black book for this  but his buddies say he would have gotten more if he had had sex with her after her death . ) even a helpless puppy is run over  and we see his poor  little body flipping over and over under a truck . the teenagers in the movie are completely blas ? about it all . " doesn ', t it offend you that some girl offed herself yesterday  " asks one of the few kids with a conscience . " why ? " responds his nonplussed girlfriend . " she wasn ', t anybody . " remarkably devoid of any energy  especially for a horror flick  the movie makes one yearn for a fast forward button on the theater ', s armrest . with material this bad  the film ', s only hope is to go for parody  but it isn ', t smart enough to realize it . even the mandatory epilogue is as pointless and predictable as the rest of the movie . the rage : carrie 2 runs 1 : 45 . it is rated r for graphic violence  teen alcohol abuse  sex  nudity and profanity and would be acceptable only for older teenagers .
neg man  this was one wierd movie . similar to conspiracy theory in that it couldn ', t decide which genre it is . the first hour is your standard stock aliens clone  which nicely created an eerie atmosphere about the ship . the last half hour ? this was when the makers blew the script out the airlock and just decided - " screw it  let ', s just kill everybody " . from then on - forget sci - fi . . . this movie becomes 100 % horror . what really dissappointed me about this movie was that it tried to scare you in entirely the wrong way . instead of using clever tricks or trying to build up to a scare - this movie just uses loud noises  sudden camera shifts and short quick bursts of gore . . . . . yawn . . . . everyone ', s seen it all before and knows when to expect it . the one thing that was done well was the lead up to finding out about what happened to the previous crew . there are skeletons lying around mangled and mashed  but what did this ? then finally after being painfully restored - the new crew views the video . the acting isn ', t too bad at all . . . . . considering what the actors had to work with anyway  as there is no complex or interesting dialogue to speak of . there was some very nice camerawork in certain sequences though  like when the hull near the bridge of the event horizon is breached and the camera pans back to follow specific objects as they bounce across the deck and are sucked out into space . this movie could have been so much better . it had a good experienced cast who deserved more to work with . there was just nothing new here that any of us haven ', t seen before in aliens or hellraiser .
neg the king and i  a warner brothers animated  musical feature  recycles the classic story of a woman who challenges the heart of a king  with obvious results . when anna ( miranda richardson )  a british schoolteacher  travels to saim to educate the king ', s ( martin vidnovic ) children  she learns that the king is treating his people unfairly  and must say something to the greedy ruler . meanwhile  the king ', s prime minister ( ian richardson )  the stereotypical villain  plots to overthrow the king  taking the throne . the last  and most predictable  main subplot deals with the king ', s son ( allen d . hong )  and his love for a servant  tuptim ( armi arabe )  and how he conflicts with his feelings  and the ancient laws of saim . not even the lone strong character of anna can save the unbelievably horrible waste of talent  as the king and i ', s problems could fill the blank pages of a journal . i will only note the major difficulties  for it would take pages to elaborate on every detail . the screenplay  written by arthur rankin  peter bakalian  jacqeline feather  and david seidler  which is based upon the play written by richard rodgers and oscar hammerstein  has some of the worst dialogue written in a film within recent memory  as every time the obnoxious king would shout  " etc  etc  etc  " i would cringe . literally . speaking of cringing - i did quite a bit of this during the rather short film  which is a classic display of terrible filmmaking . besides the repetitive dialogue from the king  on the whole  the songs seem out of place  and unlike the lyrics  are unmagical . the sole song which is used cleverly is " getting to know you  " which is used as anna shows the children the great outdoors  which they have never been exposed to . unlike disney animated features  the king and i ', s songs don ', t add to the film  and are as uneffective as could be . take the following scenario as an example  as the sheer horror of the king and i ', s music is at its worst . you ', re being hunted by a dragon ! what do you do ! ? sing a happy song ! martin vidnovic voices the king without effort or emotion - you hear the saying two negatives don ', t make a positive ? believe it ! with the terrible dialogue that the king has  along with his awful voice track  the king is completely unbelievable  only shows mild signs of any personality  and the only thing that changes in the king is that he says " etc .  etc .  etc .  " more and more as the film progresses . no personality at the beginning of the movie  none at the end . and where does this character ', s personality change ? hey  i thought anna was supposed to change him ! isn ', t that the whole plot ? the prime minister ', s hideous sidekick ( darrell hammond ) brings his share of cringes as well - oh no ! another one of his teeth fell out ! hardy - har - har ! he is supposed to bring laughs for the kidlets  but even at age five i would have cringed while watching him . by the way this review is going  you may think the reasoning for my hate for this film is due to not liking animated films - hence why i hate this movie  because the king and i is a disgrace to animation . animated films  such as 1994 ', s the lion king and 1998 ', s the prince of egypt  are among my favorite movies of all time . the animation team does design their share of well animated settings  so this makes it easier to take my mind off of the annoying king  until i realize that day and night switch back in fourth within seconds . i have not read the play  or seen the oscar winning  1956 film adaption  but from what i can tell  the screenplay for the 1999 version completely butchers the play  for the king and i is never magical  nor interesting . if it wasn ', t for miranda richardson  who voices anna with feeling  the king and i could earn the title  " worst movie of the decade . " instead  the king and i will just go down as among the year ', s worst . the bottom line - avoid this movie at all costs . not even young children  the target audience in this film  will enjoy it . not the slightest bit .
neg synopsis : cro - magnon ayla loses her mother to an earthquake and escapes certain death by a lion . reluctantly rescued by a neanderthal clan who likes to have sex doggy - style  ayla grows up to become a blond  feminist supermodel who challenges the neanderthal patriarchy by throwing rocks and giving birth without a mate . comments : allow me to state for the record that i find daryl hannah an appealing presence in movies . she proved quite charming as the intelligent astronomer in the romantic comedy roxanne and equally creepy as pris in the sci - fi classic blade runner . the clan of the cave bear clearly tries to capitalize on hannah as a selling point : the poster art bears a striking closeup of hannah in tribal paint and the video box prominently features her name in lettering the same size as the title . not even her starring role in this turkey  unfortunately  can save it from being an unbelievable exercise in cheese . it ', s so uniquely bad ( a film dealing with prehistoric man that actually tries  and miserably fails  to be serious ) that it ', s oddly fascinating . the ridiculous attempt at drama here leaves the audience somehow transfixed  wanting to see how this dud plays out . the clan of the cave bear is based upon a popular novel by jean m . auel . to this day  the book possesses a loyal cult following . i remember a dear friend of mine had a dog - eared copy of the novel she had read as a child with all the so - called dirty parts blacked out with marker by her grandmother . i have never read this book  but i sure hope it ', s 10  000 times better than its film adaptation . if not  then i ', m at a complete loss to explain its popularity . the clan of the cave bear immediately opens with a comically absurd scene . a young ayla  looking much like drew barrymore in e . t .  tramps about in the woods . with her cute little ponytails and fur wrapped about her  the audience ', s expectations of a convincing portrayal of prehistory are immediately shattered . what follows is a laughably choreographed sequence in which an earthquake swallows up ayla ', s mother ( a blonde with fur pants . . . er  leggings ) . tearful ayla looks on as the cameraman shakes the camera . . . well  as the earthquake slowly recedes . a hungry lion becomes interested in her for lunch  but the screaming six - year - old manages to outrun the king of the wild and find a safe haven . i won ', t detail the story any further ; this seems enough to illustrate my point . this movie is really stupid . it never even gives the audience a chance to suspend their disbelief . also  the obvious comparison between the appearance of cro - magnon man in prehistory and the rise of feminism in our century is about as subtle as burning a wonderbra in front of charlton heston . the movie doesn ', t just suggest this message ; it whacks the message into the audience with a two - by - four . a blond  gorgeous woman challenges the social laws of a bunch of people in gaudy brown wigs . she ', s of the " new people " ; they ', re of the " old people " with " the memories . " yep . we get it . we get it . the clan of the cave bear apparently received an academy award nomination for best make - up  which surprises me . the movie depends upon a lot of make - up obviously  but much of it is unconvincing . as stated before  daryl hannah is daryl hannah here ; she looks like she just stepped out of the shower all the time . the rest of the characters have dark make - up of some sort smeared over them to look like dirt . the face - painting that ', s occasionally seen is perhaps the only notable work here in my mind . this movie also suffers from its new age trappings . maybe the music sounded a lot more fresh or original during 1985  but now it sounds dated and cliched  like poorly conceived elevator music . add to this the film ', s faux - mysticism  including spirit animals and dream visions  and a narrator who sounds like a psychic you ', d expect to hear on a 1 - 900 number  and you get a movie that has serious problems being serious . the clan of the cave bear is rated r  though it ', s probably one of the most inoffensive offensive films i ', ve seen in quite a while . it contains several scenes of sex sans nudity . the violence mostly consists of hunting scenes . the funniest moment of the movie occurs when a neanderthal in love with ayla attempts to rescue her from a ferocious bear . the bear bites his head off and the audience sees it rolling about . although this may sound gratuitous  i ', m sure  it ', s so cheesy that it probably won ', t bother most people . the clan of the cave bear is a bad movie . however  as i wrote at the beginning of this review  it does have the distinction of originality . typically when i think of bottom - of - the - barrel films dealing with early man  fantasy movies involving dinosaurs ( who did not exist at the same time as man ) and raquel welch come to mind . the clan of the cave bear tries so hard to be serious that  though it ', s so bad  the audience is still interested by the unique setting and characters of the movie ( which is why i awarded this turkey two stars ) . i have to think that fans of the book would be disappointed with this film version ; however  i ', m only basing this observation on the fact that the book is almost invariably better than the movie . i shudder to think that it could be otherwise . . .
neg salaries of hollywood top actors are getting obscenely large these days and many find this to be the main reason for skyrocketing movie budgets . actors who demand such salaries might be greedy  but in some instances they are quite justified  because many films would never be watched or even made without their participation . proof for that can be found even in the realm of low - budget movies  and one fine example is breakaway  1995 thriller directed by sean dash and starring ( in ) famous figure skater tonya harding . face of tonya harding is most prominently featured on movie ', s poster  but the main star of the film is terri thompson who plays myra  attractive woman who works as a courier for gangster . one day she decides to retire  but her employers are anything but enthusiastic about that . realising that her life suddenly became worthless  myra starts running for her life  followed by professional assassins . terri thompson being the actual star of the film instead of tonya harding becomes quite understandable after the scenes that feature former figure skater . although tonya harding displays convincing martial arts abilities  her acting leaves much to be desired . on the other hand  her disappointing efforts are hardly out of place in the film that lacks originality  believable characters and situations and actually represents anything that gave b - films a bad name . martin sheen ', s brother joe estevez  whose character looks like he had entered from another movies ', set  is the only bright spot of breakaway . unfortunately  he appears in this film too little too late to prevent viewers from realising why tonya harding ', s silver screen debut proved to be her last film .
neg movies like six days  seven nights make me mad because talented people like harrison ford  anne heche  and ivan reitman put a lot of hard work in to a script worth about ten cents . ? the script was written by michael browning  and he decided that  instead of thinking up new ideas  he ', d rehash a lot of cliches  omit even the slightest bit of character development  and then throw in drug - dealing pirates to provide for a few high - level action sequences and explosions . ? there are good scripts out there that high - profile actors can make ( see the truman show  for instance ) . ? six days  seven nights is simply a waste . let ', s see . . . we have to get harrison ford and anne heche alone on an island . ? so  how do we do that ? ? well  we ', ll make her a feisty magazine editor  and we ', ll make him a crusty old pilot . ? but wait  she has to have a fianc ? e ; that can be david schwimmer . ? but wait  if she has a fianc ? e  how will she and harrison ford crash on the island alone ? ? i know ! ? they ', ll get to their vacation spot  and then she ', ll get called back ! ? yessssss ! ? so  they ', ll crash on the island  and that will be funny for about five minutes . ? shucks . oh  i ', ve got it ! ? we ', ll throw in a distracting subplot in which her fianc ? e has sex with a really attractive woman who acts like a bimbo  and then he can feel guilty . ? then  when anne heche kisses harrison ford ( they have to kiss  because otherwise nobody will want to see the movie )  it will be a vindicated action  because her fianc ? e will already have cheated on her ! ? then  for no obvious reason  they ', ll accidentally run into pirates who try to kill them . ? oh  yes ! ? i feel so good about this story . ? instead of using characterization to propel the events  it will be completely random  and yet totally predictable ! ? imagine that . don ', t get me wrong -- six days  seven nights is not a boring picture ; ford and heche both do a great job . ? the sparks fly between them  and so most of browning ', s inane dialogue is drowned out by the actors ', sheer force of talent . ? almost every scene between them has energy that the performers bring to the screen  and i found myself laughing pretty hard . ? schwimmer is also funny  and manages to milk all of his scenes for whatever he can get . ? and reitman  who has made some good films  at least tries to make things exciting . ? even though the pirate subplot is profoundly dumb  i was prepared to be pleasantly sidetracked by the action sequences . it ', s just when i start to think about the story that my contempt for this film surfaces . ? the picture feels like it ', s been hacked to pieces -- i wouldn ', t be surprised if five or six inept subplots have been edited out completely . ? the ones that are here are as bad as they come ( i think i let out a very audible groan when they get the first glimpse of the pirate ships )  and i ', d just like to shake the producers by the shoulders and scream  " why did you pick this awful script ! ? " ? the film is outright stupid  but some of the elements are subtly horrifying . ? for instance  take the subplot in which the schwimmer character has sex with the bimbo  and then feels really guilty . ? this is a serious problem in real life  but six days  seven nights reduces any chance of complexity to a weak plot device : ? his actions are what makes it okay for heche to kiss ford . ? in a script that lacks even a glimpse of intelligent subtlety  i find it odd that such a strangely insulting device ended up in the story . this is summer movie season  but that doesn ', t mean our movies have to be dumb . ? 1998 so far has been one of the worst years in recent memory for summer blockbusters . ? when i was in line for six days  seven nights  i heard the woman in front of me ask for " two tickets to that new harrison ford movie . " ? why didn ', t she know the name of the film ? ? i suppose she just didn ', t care . ? what bothers me even more is that the people who make these big - budget pictures don ', t realize that their films are becoming parodies of themselves . ? good actors should sign to good scripts  and if hollywood insists on making flicks to rake in cash  they least they could do is assume that we ', d like to spend our money on a story worth more than ten cents .
neg if anything  " stigmata " should be taken as a warning against releasing similarly - themed films relatively close to one another . of the four supernatural horror flicks released this year  it is clearly the worst . i suppose i should have seen this coming . after all  " blair witch " thoroughly creeped me out  " sixth sense " was mildly spooky  and then " stir of echoes " had its moments  but wasn ', t anything i ', d lose sleep over . clearly  the quality of the horror this summer has slowly been dropping . is it then any surprise that " stigmata " is the dullest  most horribly executed piece of mtv - influenced tripe i have seen in a long while ? no  not really . patricia arquette plays frankie page  a hairdresser from pittsburgh who receives a rosary as a gift from her globe - trotting mother . as it turns out  the rosary belonged to a recently - deceased brazilian priest . the priest ', s church had been under investigation by father andrew kiernan ( gabriel byrne ) because of the mysterious appearance of a bleeding statue . father kiernan is an investigator who has made a career out of disproving supposed religious signs  but this time he believes there is something to the bleeding statue . his investigation is soon called off  however  when the frankie starts exhibiting signs of the stigmata  in which a person is inflicted with wounds like that of jesus christ . father kiernan is initially skeptical of frankie ', s story  considering she ', s an atheist  but once he witnesses the stigmata attacks himself  he dedicates himself to finding out what is going on . he eventually begins to suspect that his boss  cardinal houseman ( jonathan pryce )  is concealing something that could bring down the catholic church . as it turns out  the dead priest had been working on the translation of a " fifth gospel " before they were excommunicated . the new rupert wainwright music video . . . i mean film " stigmata " is the sort of film that starts off ok and only gets worse . indeed  it would have been good if it were a music video  because it ', s only interesting for about five minutes . i ', m not sure what wainwright is trying to prove with his endless parade of slow - motion  double - exposure  and extreme close - ups ( whoaaaaaa ! ! ! ! )  other than the fact that he has the most swelled head of any director in hollywood and  yes  he has been to film school . his camera trickery is interesting for a little while  but eventually  it becomes headache - inducing . what this film needed is a second audio track to be played over the dialogue ( such as it is )  with wainwright screaming at the audience  " see ? look at what i can do ! i ', m an ex - cellent dir - ect - or . " maybe then he ', d explain why he decided to start half of his scenes with slow - motion shots of water dripping in reverse  or why he included random superfluous shots as that of an egg frying ( ooh  scary ! ) . if there was some underlying meaning behind all this camera trickery  i didn ', t see it . just when you thought it was safe to get involved in the story  here comes a double - exposure shot of two patricia arquettes collapsing into bed for no reason whatsoever . arrrrrrrghhhh . . . then again  the superfluous camera trickery wouldn ', t bother me if " stigmata " had a story or characters that were remotely engaging . though wainwright ', s vanity certainly doesn ', t help  he does seem to have been given a nearly unworkable script . where are plot continuity and character development when you need them ? case in point : frankie page is the character that ( i assume ) we are supposed to identify and sympathize with  but we aren ', t given any back story on her character  or any reason to like her . the extent of her character development seems to be that she is a hard - working hairdresser ( who can somehow afford a cavernous apartment on the top floor of her building ) and she ', s kind of cute  so let ', s start the bleeding ! the fact that she ', s clearly not the brightest bulb in the drawer doesn ', t help  either . according to frankie page  what is the first thing to do after receiving mysterious wounds on your wrists and back ? go clubbing ! sure  that makes sense . arquette  byrne  and pryce give it the old college try  but their characters are so one - dimensional that they just appear to be sleepwalking . scenes between arquette and byrne that were probably supposed to be sexually charged fall almost embarrassingly flat  because the setup of the romantic subplot is so clumsily handled that it almost reaches the point of becoming laughable . even though frankie page ', s life is falling apart before her very eyes  she still finds the time to hit on a priest who wanders in to her hair salon . even more curiously  he seems to be interested in her advances . father andrew ', s religious doubt pops up so suddenly that it seems more silly than dramatic . as for pryce  he may as well wear a curled mustache and cackle  " i ', ll get you  my pretty  " for all the depth his cardinal houseman is afforded . trust me  i ', m not revealing anything by telling you pryce turns out to be a villain . what ', s worse  after being faced with dull characters and the prospect of having annoying camera tricks and loud music jammed down our throats  we now have to contend with a story that starts off in one direction  veers off in another  then another  and ends up being totally incomprehensible . first of all  the film doesn ', t even bother to explain what should be very simple plot details . how does frankie get the stigmata merely by touching a rosary ? how come an atheist like her was chosen  since father andrew mentions that only very devout believers have ever received stigmata ? actually  i ', m not sure what frankie was posessed by . supposedly  stigmata occurs when one is posessed by the holy spirit  but the film later has her being posessed by the dead priest  and later by some evil spirit ( i think ) . which one is it ? the answer to this question  of course  is very simple : the possessing entity in each scene is determined by whichever effects and flashy camera work mr . wainwright wants to use this time . furthermore  the ending is a ridiculously neat little wrap - up  and the filmmakers compound this problem by ultimately turning the film into a diatribe against the catholic church . if you do any research at all about the gospel of st . thomas  you ', ll find that it is not being suppressed by the church ( as the film seems to claim )  but that it is readily available at your local library . there ', s nothing the catholics need to worry about  though . " stigmata ', s " religion is so off - base that it can ', t be confused for anything remotely resembling the real catholic church . if they wanted to portray catholic priests as mobsters  they should have gone all - out and equipped them with sharkskin suits and tommy guns  which would have been far more interesting . i ', m not catholic ; in fact  i don ', t care much for the catholic church  but its cartoonish misrepresentation in this film should not be considered realistic by any means . it ', s rare to see a film that fails on as many levels as " stigmata " does . it ', s not thought - provoking  though it would like to be  and it is definitely not scary  though it pretends to be . i ', m not sure why they tried to pass this off as a horror film  because there is absolutely nothing scary about the story . maybe it ', s an attempt to cover up the fact that none of the scenes have any dramatic weight whatsoever . the initial shock of seeing arquette covered with blood is dulled by the fact that it happens over  and over  and over . like so many films of the mtv generation  this one suffers from overkill . so much is overdone in " stigmata  " that it eventually has no effect on the audience  leaving us to pick out the film ', s ( many ) flaws . i ', m also still trying to figure out why the quotation they take from the gospel of st . thomas is so earth - shattering . when we finally hear it  the saying sounds like something every five - year - old learns on their first day of sunday school  which means that for all its flash  the whole film is really much ado about nothing . the dog days of summer usually produce one monstrous dog  and " stigmata " is it .
neg john boorman ', s " zardoz " is a goofy cinematic debacle so fundamentally misconceived and laughably executed that it takes on a bizarre enjoyment quality all its own . not since the rampant bumblings of one edward d . wood jr . has a movie been so silly and so serious at the same time . of course  wood ', s career can be explained by two things : he had no money and he had no talent . boorman  on the other hand  cannot court such excuses to explain " zardoz " ( or his follow - up film  the equally awful " exorcist ii : the heretic " ) . boorman obviously had a sizable budget  a matinee idol movie star ( sean connery ) in the lead role  and although you wouldn ', t know it from this film  boorman does indeed have talent . this is the man who made the slick modern masterpiece " deliverance " ( 1972 )  as well as the autobiographical world war ii drama " hope and glory " ( 1987 )  the slightly over - conceived arthurian epic " excalibur " ( 1981 ) and the father - son jungle adventure " the emerald forest " ( 1985 ) . his films all show that boorman is never lacking in imagination  but sometimes that comes at the cost of coherence and taste . if boorman is anything  he ', s ambitious  and when he succeeds  it ', s in grand fashion . unfortunately  the bigger they are  the harder they fall  and when boorman falls  the resounding impact can be heard for miles around . " zardoz " is meant to takes its place among the grandest of mystical movies  an obsession of boorman ', s . his screenplay tries to elicit the same mythological connotations of the arthurian legends or even " the wizard of oz  " a book which figures into the movie ', s plot . but  despite all this reaching  the resulting movie is more unintentionally funny than intentionally enigmatical or compelling . the events take place in the distant year 2293  but there is little of the typical futuristic movie - ness to be found . in fact  things seems to have moved backwards  with people riding horses  shooting old - style guns  and living in large victorian mansions . it ', s more middle ages than space age . the world of " zardoz " is divided into two distinct hemispheres : the outlands  where all the poor  pathetic people live  and the vortex  where a select group of wealthy intellectuals live in comfort and everlasting life . these immortals never grow old  they never engage in sexual activity  they possess psychological powers  and they live in a sort of quasi - utopian marxist society where everyone is equal  and everyone contributes equally to the society . however  if one breaks the rules  that person is punished by being aged so many years . if someone breaks the rules enough  he or she is aged to the point of senility  and imprisoned to an eternal existence in a geriatric home with others aged criminals . one of the immortals  arthur frayn ( niall buggy )  a squirmy man with a mustache and goatee tattooed on his face  is charged with keeping order in the outlands and forcing the residents to farm so the immortals can be fed . like " the wizard of oz  " he adopts a god - like status among the people by flying in to their part of the world in a giant stone carved like a menacing head . ( this flying head is one of the movie ', s opening images  and it ', s a dead giveaway of the lunacy to come . ) calling himself zardoz  frayn gathers a bunch of outlanders and makes them into a group called the exterminators  whose purpose is to kill most of the other outlanders so they can ', t procreate and take up more resources . from inside his giant  stone head  zardoz bellows seriously laugh - inducting statements like  " the gun is good . the penis is evil . " that line alone is worth the movie ', s cult following . one day  an exterminator named zed ( sean connery )  sneaks into zardoz ', s flying stone  pushes frayn out  and goes back to the vortex . once there  the immortals label him a " brutal " and study him like a lab rat  taking great  perverse care in exploring his sexuality  which is a mystery to them . they seem especially interested in his ability to gain an erection  and there is one downright hilarious sequence where a bunch of scantily - clad female scientists show zed erotic footage on a video screen in an attempt to determine what gets him worked up . i say " hilarious " because that is exactly what " zardoz " is . it is obvious that boorman did not intend it to be so ; he made this film with the straightest of faces  although i have a hard time believing that as production moved forward  he didn ', t get even the slightest inkling of how patently ridiculous it was becoming . just looking at connery is enough to give one the giggles - he spends most of the film running around in a red loin cloth that resembles a diaper  a mane of hair braided halfway down his back  a wyatt earp - style handlebar mustache  and a pair of thigh - high patent leather boots that would look more appropriate on a cheap hollywood hooker . boorman made the film right after the critical and financial success of " deliverance  " which is the only reason i can imagine a studio would green - light this effort . he attracted some rich talent on both sides of the camera  including cinematographer geoffrey unsworth ( " 2001 " )  whose striking visuals are about the only good thing in " zardoz " besides the inadvertent humor . sean connery had made his last james bond film in 1971  and perhaps he was looking for a change in pace . he got exactly that in " zardoz  " and it ', s a wonder it didn ', t end his career . i ', m sure boorman intended for this movie to make some grand statements . is it a treatise about the infallibility of eternal life ? is it a condemnation of those who consider growing old to be a bad thing ? or is it a social statement  something about the inherent negativity of class distinctions and the violence it creates ? karl marx might like it if he were more like timothy leary . come to think of it  maybe boorman made it as an extended lsd trip . people high on illicit substances are the only ones i can imagine enjoying this asinine silliness as anything more than a completely unintentional comedy .
neg the kids in the hall are an acquired taste . it took at least a season of watching their show on hbo before i became a believer . maybe after watching a half dozen kids in the hall movies  they would grow into the big screen . my recommendation is that  unless you are a big fan of the kids  skip the film . as it is  their first -- and most likely only -- attempt at a full length film lacks the qualities that made their comedy work on tv . a big - budget and glossy production can not make up for a lack of spontaneity that permeates their tv show . the kids go through the motions  but you get the feeling that they arent really having fun doing so . and this makes it more difficult for the audience to enjoy their antics . brain candy is a bunch of skits tied together by the story of a pharmaceutical company that develops a new drug to cure depression . in typical sketch - comedy tradition  each actor plays several roles . doctor cooper ( kevin mcdonald ) and his team create the drug . then  under pressure from don roritor ( mark mckinney )  founder and president of roritor pharmaceuticals  dr . cooper releases the drug into the marketplace . the ensuing distribution of the new happy pill throughout the populace drives the rest of the film . at about 90 minutes  brain candy still seems long . the best thing about sketch comedy -- and the kids are no exception -- is the ability to quickly deliver the laughs  then go on to another quick skit . but with the additional set - up necessary in telling a longer  coherent story  the laughs just dont come fast enough . strangely  the show is even more tame than it was when on cable tv . the movie makes several attempts at risqueness -- mostly by pointing up the gayness of one of scott thompsons characters -- but they seem almost forced ; as if they have to live up to a pg rating . one of the best bits  though  does make use of thompsons naked buttocks ; we see him charging into battle -- going to have sex with some guys taking a shower . in the classic of this genre  monty python pulled off this delicate balancing act between plot advancement and punchline delivery for most of the holy grail . the kids  unfortunately  are not up to the task . there are some amusing moments  to be sure  but not enough to make the experience an enjoyable one .
neg there was a time when john carpenter was a great horror director . of course  his best film was 1978 ', s masterpiece  " halloween  " but he also made 1980 ', s " the fog  " and 1987 ', s underrated  " prince of darkness . " heck  he even made a good film in 1995  with " in the mouth of madness . " but something terribly wrong happened to him in 1992  with the terrible comedy  " memoirs of an invisible man . " somehow  carpenter has lost his touch  with junk like his failed 1995 remake of  " village of the damned  " to his uninspired 1996 sequel  " escape from l . a . " those movies  however  look like cinematic works of art compared to his latest film  " john carpenter ', s vampires . " if i was him  i definately wouldn ', t want to put my own name in the title . it is a sad state of affairs when carpenter can make something as misguided and flatly written and filmed as  " vampires . " the story is simple . jack crow ( james woods ) is a vampire hunter who  along with one of his partners  montoya ( daniel baldwin )  and a prostitute  katrina ( sheryl lee )  survives an attack from the master vampire  valek ( thomas ian griffith ) . since katrina was previously bitten by him  crow takes her along because anyone who is bitten by valek becomes telepathically linked to him until they themselves turn into vampires a couple days later  and crow is hoping to find him with the help of her . it seems valek ', s mission is to steal a black  wooden cross from a roman catholic church that will enable him to become so powerful that sunlight will not destroy him . my question is : how many time have we seen this same story played out ? well  the answer is just about as many times as a better version of the story has been made . " john carpenter ', s vampires  " sadly enough  is one of the most unscary horror films i ', ve ever seen . in fact  there isn ', t even one suspenseful moment in the whole 105 - minute running time . the non - stop vampire attack sequences are stylelessly filmed  without any interesting camera work  which is usually a trademark of carpenter ', s . and then we come to the screenplay  which  as far as i can tell  is nearly non - existent . there is no story development  and there isn ', t even an attempt to flesh out the characters . james woods can be a good actor  but he has nothing to do here but to say a couple of " pseudo " - clever lines of dialogue . daniel baldwin has some potential  but his character comes off as being very dense . and sheryl lee ( faring much better as laura palmer in " twin peaks " )  like all of the female characters  plays an offensive stereotypical whore . there is not an ounce of intelligence  or excitement in  " john carpenter ', s vamires  " which is very disheartening coming from an ex - fan of carpenter ', s . he has said that he turned down directing  " halloween : h20  " because he couldn ', t work up any excitement for it . and yet  when asked about a " vampires " sequel  he said he would be happy to do it . i think that ', s a definite sign that carpenter has finally lost any trace of his lasting talent  not to mention a significant number of iq points .
neg two party guys bob their heads to haddaway ', s dance hit " what is love ? " while getting themselves into trouble in nightclub after nightclub . it ', s barely enough to sustain a three - minute _saturday_night_live_ skit  but _snl_ producer lorne michaels  _clueless_ creator amy heckerling  and paramount pictures saw something in the late night television institution ', s recurring " roxbury guys " sketch that would presumably make a good feature . emphasis on the word " presumably . " _a_night_at_the_roxbury_ takes an already - thin concept and tediously stretches it far beyond the breaking point -- and that of viewers ', patience levels . the first five minutes or so of _roxbury_ play very much like one of the original " roxbury guys " skits . with " what is love ? " blaring on the soundtrack  the brotherly duo of doug and steve butabi ( chris kattan and will ferrell ) bob their heads  scope out " hotties " at clubs  and then bump a select few with violent pelvic thrusts . there is one crucial difference  however -- these guys speak . that little fact has been used as justification for the film ', s existence  that the butabis ', newfound capacity for speech would open up a whole new set of doors for the characters . the doors opened by director john fortenberry and screenwriters steve koren  ferrell  and kattan are new  that ', s for sure  but they all lead to comic dead ends . there is no story per se  only a loosely structured and linked series of subplots . the brothers literally run into ( or  rather  get run into  as in by car ) richard grieco of _21_jump_street_ fame  and through him they gain entrance into the exclusive roxbury club . there  they meet a hotshot club owner ( chazz palminteri  conspicuously uncredited -- can you blame him ? )  who takes an interest in an idea of theirs . meanwhile  the bros ', overbearing father ( dan hedaya ) wants them to stop clubbing . when doug refuses and the dimwitted steve obeys his father  a rift is created between the two . the narrative messiness of _roxbury_ would have been forgivable if all that went on were the slightest bit funny  but virtually none of it is . the assembled press audience mostly sat stonily silent throughout the entire film  with the one big exception being a big laugh near the end . alas  the joke -- a rather lazy takeoff on _jerry_maguire_ -- will only strike a chord with people who have seen that film . granted  a lot of people _have_ seen _jerry_maguire_  but the fact that the film ', s best joke is completely dependent on one ', s familiarity with another film says a lot about _roxbury_ ', s lack of inspiration . that lack of inspiration can be traced back to the insipid characters themselves . like too many of the skits on the current incarnation of _saturday_night_live_  " the roxbury guys " is a one - joke sketch that never once suggests that the characters have enough comic life in them to survive outside of the sketch context . after watching one of the " roxbury " skits on snl  this is what you come away with from the characters : they bob their heads to " what is love ? "  bump unsuspecting women  and . . . that ', s all . after watching _a_night_at_the_roxbury_  you ', ll be left with exactly the same .
pos films adapted from comic books have had plenty of success  whether they ', re about superheroes ( batman  superman  spawn )  or geared toward kids ( casper ) or the arthouse crowd ( ghost world )  but there ', s never really been a comic book like from hell before . for starters  it was created by alan moore ( and eddie campbell )  who brought the medium to a whole new level in the mid ', 80s with a 12 - part series called the watchmen . to say moore and campbell thoroughly researched the subject of jack the ripper would be like saying michael jackson is starting to look a little odd . the book ( or " graphic novel  " if you will ) is over 500 pages long and includes nearly 30 more that consist of nothing but footnotes . in other words  don ', t dismiss this film because of its source . if you can get past the whole comic book thing  you might find another stumbling block in from hell ', s directors  albert and allen hughes . getting the hughes brothers to direct this seems almost as ludicrous as casting carrot top in  well  anything  but riddle me this : who better to direct a film that ', s set in the ghetto and features really violent street crime than the mad geniuses behind menace ii society ? the ghetto in question is  of course  whitechapel in 1888 london ', s east end . it ', s a filthy  sooty place where the whores ( called " unfortunates " ) are starting to get a little nervous about this mysterious psychopath who has been carving through their profession with surgical precision . when the first stiff turns up  copper peter godley ( robbie coltrane  the world is not enough ) calls in inspector frederick abberline ( johnny depp  blow ) to crack the case . abberline  a widower  has prophetic dreams he unsuccessfully tries to quell with copious amounts of absinthe and opium . upon arriving in whitechapel  he befriends an unfortunate named mary kelly ( heather graham  say it isn ', t so ) and proceeds to investigate the horribly gruesome crimes that even the police surgeon can ', t stomach . i don ', t think anyone needs to be briefed on jack the ripper  so i won ', t go into the particulars here  other than to say moore and campbell have a unique and interesting theory about both the identity of the killer and the reasons he chooses to slay . in the comic  they don ', t bother cloaking the identity of the ripper  but screenwriters terry hayes ( vertical limit ) and rafael yglesias ( les mis ? rables ) do a good job of keeping him hidden from viewers until the very end . it ', s funny to watch the locals blindly point the finger of blame at jews and indians because  after all  an englishman could never be capable of committing such ghastly acts . and from hell ', s ending had me whistling the stonecutters song from the simpsons for days ( " who holds back the electric car / who made steve guttenberg a star ? " ) . don ', t worry - it ', ll all make sense when you see it . now onto from hell ', s appearance : it ', s certainly dark and bleak enough  and it ', s surprising to see how much more it looks like a tim burton film than planet of the apes did ( at times  it seems like sleepy hollow 2 ) . the print i saw wasn ', t completely finished ( both color and music had not been finalized  so no comments about marilyn manson )  but cinematographer peter deming ( don ', t say a word ) ably captures the dreariness of victorian - era london and helped make the flashy killing scenes remind me of the crazy flashbacks in twin peaks  even though the violence in the film pales in comparison to that in the black - and - white comic . oscar winner martin childs ', ( shakespeare in love ) production design turns the original prague surroundings into one creepy place . even the acting in from hell is solid  with the dreamy depp turning in a typically strong performance and deftly handling a british accent . ians holm ( joe gould ', s secret ) and richardson ( 102 dalmatians ) log in great supporting roles  but the big surprise here is graham . i cringed the first time she opened her mouth  imagining her attempt at an irish accent  but it actually wasn ', t half bad . the film  however  is all good . 2 : 00 - r for strong violence / gore  sexuality  language and drug content
pos every now and then a movie comes along from a suspect studio  with every indication that it will be a stinker  and to everybody ', s surprise ( perhaps even the studio ) the film becomes a critical darling . mtv films ', _election  a high school comedy starring matthew broderick and reese witherspoon  is a current example . did anybody know this film existed a week before it opened ? the plot is deceptively simple . george washington carver high school is having student elections . tracy flick ( reese witherspoon ) is an over - achiever with her hand raised at nearly every question  way  way  high . mr . " m " ( matthew broderick )  sick of the megalomaniac student  encourages paul  a popular - but - slow jock to run . and paul ', s nihilistic sister jumps in the race as well  for personal reasons . the dark side of such sleeper success is that  because expectations were so low going in  the fact that this was quality stuff made the reviews even more enthusiastic than they have any right to be . you can ', t help going in with the baggage of glowing reviews  which is in contrast to the negative baggage that the reviewers were likely to have . _election  a good film  does not live up to its hype . what makes _election_ so disappointing is that it contains significant plot details lifted directly from _rushmore_  released a few months earlier . the similarities are staggering : tracy flick ( _election_ ) is the president of an extraordinary number of clubs  and is involved with the school play . max fischer ( _rushmore_ ) is the president of an extraordinary number of clubs  and is involved with the school play . the most significant tension of _election_ is the potential relationship between a teacher and his student . the most significant tension of _rushmore_ is the potential relationship between a teacher and his student . tracy flick is from a single parent home  which has contributed to her drive . max fischer is from a single parent home  which has contributed to his drive . the male bumbling adult in _election_ ( matthew broderick ) pursues an extramarital affair  gets caught  and his whole life is ruined . he even gets a bee sting . the male bumbling adult in _rushmore_ ( bill murray ) pursues an extramarital affair  gets caught  and his whole life is ruined . he gets several bee stings . and so on . what happened ? how is it that an individual screenplay ( _rushmore_ ) and a novel ( _election_ ) contain so many significant plot points  and yet both films were probably not even aware of each other  made from two different studios  from a genre ( the high school geeks revenge movie ) that hadn ', t been fully formed yet ? even so  the strengths of _election_ rely upon its fantastic performances from broderick  witherspoon  and newcomer jessica campbell  as paul ', s anti - social sister  tammy . broderick here is playing the mr . rooney role from _ferris bueller_  and he seems to be having the most fun he ', s had since then . witherspoon is a revelation . it ', s early in the year  it ', s a comedy  and teenagers have little clout  but for my money  witherspoon deserves an oscar nomination . and once campbell ', s character gets going  like in her fantastic speech in the gymnasium  then you ', re won over . one thing that ', s been bothering me since i ', ve seen it . there is an extraordinary amount of sexuality in this film . i suppose that  coming from mtv films  i should expect no less . . . but the film starts off light and airy  like a sitcom . as the screws tighten  and the tensions mount  alexander payne decides to add elements that  frankly  distract from the story . it is bad enough that mr . m doesn ', t like tracy ', s determination to win at all costs  but did they have to throw in the student / teacher relationship ? even so  there ', s no logical reason why mr . m has an affair when he does . there ', s a lot to like in _election_  but the plot similarities to _rushmore_  and the tonal nosedive it takes as it gets explicitly sex - driven  mark this as a disappointment .
pos you ', ve got mail works alot better than it deserves to . in order to make the film a success  all they had to do was cast two extremely popular and attractive stars  have them share the screen for about two hours and then collect the profits . no real acting was involved and there is not an original or inventive bone in it ', s body ( it ', s basically a complete re - shoot of the shop around the corner  only adding a few modern twists ) . essentially  it goes against and defies all concepts of good contemporary filmmaking . it ', s overly sentimental and at times terribly mushy  not to mention very manipulative . but oh  how enjoyable that manipulation is . but there must be something other than the casting and manipulation that makes the movie work as well as it does  because i absolutely hated the previous ryan / hanks teaming  sleepless in seattle . it couldn ', t have been the directing  because both films were helmed by the same woman . i haven ', t quite yet figured out what i liked so much about you ', ve got mail  but then again  is that really important ? if you like something so much  why even question it ? again  the storyline is as cliched as they come . tom hanks plays joe fox  the insanely likeable owner of a discount book chain and meg ryan plays kathleen kelley  the even more insanely likeable proprietor of a family - run children ', s book shop called  in a nice homage  the shop around the corner . fox and kelley soon become bitter rivals because the new fox books store is opening up right across the block from the small business . little do they know  they are already in love with each other over the internet  only neither party knows the other person ', s true identity . the rest of the story isn ', t important because all it does is serve as a mere backdrop for the two stars to share the screen . sure  there are some mildly interesting subplots  but they all fail in comparison to the utter cuteness of the main relationship . all of this  of course  leads up to the predictable climax . but as foreseeable as the ending is  it ', s so damn cute and well - done that i doubt any movie in the entire year contains a scene the evokes as much pure joy as this part does . when ryan discovers the true identity of her online love  i was filled with such  for lack of a better word  happiness that for the first time all year  i actually left the theater smiling .
pos " jaws " is a rare film that grabs your attention before it shows you a single image on screen . the movie opens with blackness  and only distant  alien - like underwater sounds . then it comes  the first ominous bars of composer john williams ', now infamous score . dah - dum . from there  director steven spielberg wastes no time  taking us into the water on a midnight swim with a beautiful girl that turns deadly . right away he lets us know how vulnerable we all are floating in the ocean  and once " jaws " has attacked  it never relinquishes its grip . perhaps what is most outstanding about " jaws " is how spielberg builds the movie . he works it like a theatrical production  with a first act and a second act . unlike so many modern filmmakers  he has a great deal of restraint  and refuses to show us the shark until the middle of the second act . until then  he merely suggests its presence with creepy  subjective underwater shots and williams ', music . he ', s building the tension bit by bit  so when it comes time for the climax  the shark ', s arrival is truly terrifying . he doesn ', t let us get bored with the imagery . the first act opens with police chief martin brody ( roy scheider )  a new york cop who has taken an easy  peaceful job running the police station on amity island  a fictitious new england resort town where there hasn ', t been a murder or a gun fired in 25 years . the island is shaken up by several vicious great white shark attacks right before the fourth of july  and the mayor  larry vaughn ( murray hamilton )  doesn ', t want to shut down the beaches because the island is reliant on summer tourist money . brody is joined by matt hooper ( richard dreyfuss )  a young  ambitious shark expert from the marine institute . hooper is as fascinated by the shark as he is determined to help brody stop it -- his knowledge about the exact workings of the shark ( " it ', s a perfect engine  an eating machine " ) make it that much more terrifying . when vaughn finally relents  hooper and brody join a crusty old shark killer named quint ( robert shaw ) on his decrepit boat  the orca  to search for the shark . the entire second act takes place on the orca as the three men hunt the shark  and inevitably  are hunted by it . " jaws " is a thriller with a keen sense of humor and an incredible sense of pacing  tension  and horror . it is like ten movies all rolled into one  and it ', s no wonder it took america by storm in the summer of 1975  taking in enough money to crown it the box office champ of all time ( until it was unceremoniously dethroned in 1977 by " star wars " ) . even today  fascination with this film is on par with hitchcock ', s " psycho  " and it never seems to age . although grand new technology exists that makes the technical sequences  including several mechanical sharks  obsolete  none of it could improve the film because it only would lead to overkill . the technical limitations faced by spielberg in 1975 may have actually produced a better film because it forced him to rely on traditional cinematic elements like pacing  characterization  sharp editing  and creative photography  instead of simply dousing the audience with digital shark effects . scheider  dreyfuss  and shaw were known actors at the time " jaws " was made  but none of them had the draw of a robert redford or paul newman . nevertheless  this film guaranteed them all successful careers because each gave an outstanding performance and refused to be overshadowed by the shark . scheider hits just the right notes as a sympathetic husband and father caught in the political quagmire of doing what ', s right and going against the entire town . " it ', s your first summer here  you know  " mayor vaughn warns him . dreyfuss  who had previously been seen in " american graffiti " ( 1973 ) and " the apprenticeship of duddy kravitz " ( 1974 ) gives a surprisingly mature  complex performance for someone who had literally only played kids and teenagers . however  most outstanding is the gnarled performance by robert shaw as the movie ', s captain ahab  a performance sorely overlooked by the academy awards . bordering of parody  shaw plays quint as a grizzled old loner whose machismo borders on masochism . he ', s slightly deranged  and shaw ', s performance is almost a caricature . however  there is one scene late in the film  when he and brody and hooper are below deck on the orca comparing scars . quint is drawn into telling the story of his experiences aboard the u . s . s . indianapolis  a navy ship in world war ii that was sunk by the japanese . his tale of floating in the water for more than a week with over 1  000 other men while swarms of sharks slowly devoured them them is actually more hair - raising than anything spielberg put on screen . shaw delivers the story in one long take  and it is the best acting in the film . of course  we can ', t leave out the shark itself ; with its black eyes  endless rows of teeth  and insatiable urge to eat  it is basically the epitome of all mankind ', s fears about what is unknown and threatening in nature . a shark is such a perfect nemesis it is real -- having survived sinch the dinosaurs  great whites do exist  they can be as large as the shark in " jaws  " and they are a threat . every one of spielberg ', s subjective underwater shots makes us feel queasy because lets us see how we look to the shark : a bunch of writihing  dangling  completely unprotected legs just ready to be chomped into . the shark in " jaws " was actually a combination of actual footage and five different mechanical sharks ( all nicknamed " bruce " by the crew ) built to be shot from different angles . many have forgotten  but " jaws " was a sort of precursor to " waterworld " ( 1995 )  a movie ', s who soggy production and cost overruns had universal studios worried about a bomb . but  as we can see now  spielberg overcame all the obstacles  and delivered one of the finest primal scare - thrillers ever to come out of hollywood .
pos moviemaking is a lot like being the general manager of an nfl team in the post - salary cap era -- you ', ve got to know how to allocate your resources . every dollar spent on a free - agent defensive tackle is one less dollar than you can spend on linebackers or safeties or centers . in the nfl  this leads to teams like the detroit lions  who boast a superstar running back with a huge contract  but can only field five guys named herb to block for him . in the movies  you end up with films like " spawn "  with a huge special - effects budget but not enough money to hire any recognizable actors . jackie chan is the barry sanders of moviemaking . he spins and darts across the screen like sanders cutting back through the defensive line . watching jackie in operation condor as he drives his motorcycle through the crowded streets of madrid  fleeing an armada of pursuers in identical black compact cars  is reminiscent of sanders running for daylight with the chicago bears in hot pursuit  except that sanders doesn ', t have to worry about rescuing runaway baby carriages . but like the lions star  jackie doesn ', t have anybody to block for him . almost every cent that ', s invested in a jackie chan movie goes for stunts  and as chan does his own stunts  the rest of the money goes to pay his hospital bills . this leaves about 75 cents to pay for things like directors ( chan directs )  scripts and dubbing and supporting characters  not to mention the hideous title sequence . this also explains why the movie was shot in odd places like morocco and spain . ( chan ', s first release in this country  " rumble in the bronx "  was supposedly set in new york  but was filmed in vancouver  and in the chase scenes the canadian rockies are clearly visible . ) heck  jackie doesn ', t even have enough money for a haircut  looks like  much less a personal hairstylist . in condor  chan plays the same character he ', s always played  himself  a mixture of bruce lee and tim allen  a master of both kung - fu and slapstick - fu . jackie is sent by the un to retrieve a cache of lost nazi gold in the north african desert  and is chased by a horde of neo - nazi sympathizers and two stereotypical arabs ( one of the things i like about jackie chan movies : no political correctness ) . he is joined by three women  who have little to do except scream  " jackie  save us ! "  and misuse firearms . the villain is an old nazi whose legs were broken in the secret base so that he has to be carried everywhere  and he ', s more pathetic than evil . en route  we have an extended motorcycle chase scene  a hilarious fight in the moroccan version of motel 6 with the neo - nazis  and two confrontations with savage natives . once at the secret desert base  there is a long chop - socky sequence  followed by the film ', s centerpiece  a wind - tunnel fight that ', s even better than the one in face / off . this is where the money was spent  on well - choreographed kung - fu sequences  on giant kevlar hamster balls  on smashed - up crates of bananas  and on scorpions . ignore the gaping holes in the plot ( how  exactly  if the villain ', s legs were broken  did he escape from the secret nazi base  and why didn ', t he take the key with him ? ) . don ', t worry about the production values  or what  exactly  the japanese girl was doing hitchhiking across the sahara . just go see the movie . operation condor has pretentions of being a " raiders of the lost ark " knockoff  but one wonders what jackie could do with the raiders franchise blocking for him -- with a lawrence kazdan screenplay  a john williams score  spielberg directing and george lucas producing  condor might be an a + movie . however  you ', ve got to go with what you ', ve got  and what you ', ve got in jackie chan is something special -- a talent that mainstream hollywood should  could  and ought to utilize .
pos on june 30  1960  a self - taught  idealistic  yet pragmatic  young man became  at age 36  the first head of government of a newly independent african state  formerly the belgian congo . two months later  he was ousted from his powerful position and hunted by government troops until he was captured and brutally murdered along with two aides . this little - known story of this meteoric rise and fall is told my international filmmaker raoul peck in " lumumba . " patrice lumumba ', s ( eriq ebouaney ) story has been told previously by helmer peck in his 1991 award winning documentary  " lumumba - death of a prophet  " virtually guaranteeing that his new  fictional account of a patriot remains true to its subject . peck  with co - writer pascal bonitzer  begins at the end of the story of the young political leader . we watch as two white men perform the gruesome task of dismembering the bodies of three black men . images of hatchets  saws and fast - emptying whiskey bottles accompany the grisly image . jump back a few years to a meeting among the black leaders in the belgian - owned congo . a third class postal worker  lumumba  speaks his mind to heads of the most powerful tribes  proclaiming himself not tribal  not regional  but a national leader . his small  mobile party  the congolese national movement ( mnc ) is gaining prominence and patrice leaves his clerical job to sell beer  and get his face known  in the bustling capital  stanleyville . at a time when the colonial empires are falling down around the world  lumumba is in the right place at the right time and  through political savvy and chess - like manipulation  achieves a position of leadership of the mnc . as the date for independence approaches  he tactically positions himself to be the new nation ', s first prime minister and defense minister  supporting the presidency of joseph kasa vubu ( maka kotto ) . the coalition he created soon starts to fall apart as the former belgian masters continue to exert influence on the struggling nation as they strive to maintain economic hold on the country ', s vast natural resources of copper  diamonds  gold and more . lumumba won ', t seek the help of the us  knowing that they would try to create de facto american control of the fledgling government . his initial investigation into soviet assistance immediately tags patrice as a communist and his integrity is overshadowed by the cold war threat of russian domination . the situation goes from bad to worse as the army mutinies  the remaining whites begin to evacuate or arm themselves  belgian troops violently intervene  the lucrative katanga province succeeds under the leadership of rival moise tschombe ( pascal nzonzi ) and lumumba is refused access to his own country when he returns from a conference abroad . this tumultuous and little known period of modern african history saw a score of nations struggling for independence from the sometimes - odious colonialists who have ruled much of the world from their european seats of power for centuries . peck focuses his story on familiar material that strives to give an honest portrayal of patrice lumumba  his friend and foes and the independence movements that gripped africa in the 50 ', s and 60 ', s . ( during the time the story takes place  many new nations  including nigeria and somalia  were born  with varying degrees of success and failure  usually dependent upon which country colonized them . some colonial masters were better than others . ) the effort involved in " lumumba " is quite ambitious as peck and his crew before and behind the camera strive to bring to life this slice of world history that might have gone unexplored for decades  if at all . production values are first rate on what must be a small  by us standards  budget . the period feel and realistic african settings are nicely maintained in a production that traveled from zimbabwe to mozambique . the screenplay covers a lot of ground and does yeoman ', s work in providing a great deal of detailed history while trying to do justice to the story of lumumba ', s life . the political side of things is evenly told in a linear  straightforward manner that teaches  not preaches . it concentrates on the good deeds of the man  if a bit as a stalwart saint  but doesn ', t embellish on a larger than life persona . the family side of patrice ', s life is handled in several  perfunctory and brief interludes that show him talking to one of his children  embracing his wife or lamenting the death of his child . i know the intent is to flesh the man out  but too short a shrift is given to the family man side of lumumba . the story  as such  has a lopsided feel about it . high marks go to eriq ebouaney as the title character . the actor gives a convincing  charismatic performance as the multifaceted  politically deft patrice lumumba who has the good of his people and his country as the force driving his own ambitions . in true docudrama tradition  the supporting cast does not outshine the star  complementing his good efforts  instead . " lumumba " is a solid  interesting  educational and honest docudrama that should appeal to film buffs and politicos  both . it has more intelligence in its telling than anything i ', ve seen out of hollywood for months and i give it a b + .
pos apparently  director tony kaye had a major battle with new line regarding his new film  american history x . i don ', t know the details of the fight  but it seems that he is not happy with the final product  and nearly removed his name from the credits altogether . i ', ve heard about this kind of thing happening before  and it makes me wonder how much input a studio has over the films they produce . as it is  i found american history x to be an extremely good film  not just because of tony kaye ', s focused look at the touchy subject of racism  but because of a powerful  charismatic performance from edward norton . it ', s hard to believe that it has only been two years since norton ', s fantastic role in primal fear  but  here he is now  starring in his own film and making himself a star . norton is one of those performers who becomes his character  and his work in american history x is one of the very best performances this year . he plays a young man named derek vinyard  a skinhead living in venice beach with his brother  danny ( edward furlong )  mother ( beverly d ', angelo )  and sister  davin ( jennifer lien ) . the film opens with a flashback  in which derek brutally kills two black men vandalizing his car . we find out that this lands him in prison  and the film from that point is seen through the eyes of danny . in the present - time of the film  danny is in high school  and eager to follow the footsteps of his brother . much of the film is told in flashback  and we see the path that leads to derek ', s adoption of white supremacy . when derek is released  having served three years in prison  he finds that his brother is now a full - blown skinhead ; derek  however  has given up the violence  and tries to get his brother to understand why racism and the violence that comes with it are bad things . what makes this all interesting is that these two young men are not stupid  thoughtless people -- they are intelligent and articulate  and voice their beliefs in disturbingly straightforward terms . it ', s hard to make a controversial movie and not preach  but kaye has found the right note for his material . because american history x is a mainstream film  there has to be a redemption phase for our main character -- some people may think that this is the only way to make him sympathetic . i partially disagree with this  because  although i do not advocate racism in any way  it ', s interesting the way kaye presents derek -- he is a loud  obnoxious man  but he ', s also very smart . the reasons for why he becomes a skinhead are believable -- his father was arbitrarily killed by a group of black men . it ', s clear that he ', s passionate about his beliefs  and that he ', s not just a punk looking for an excuse to beat people up . of course  it helps that kaye has an actor as talented as norton to play this part . it ', s astonishing how frightening norton looks with a shaved head and a swastika on his chest . in addition to getting the look just right  he ', s perfect for this role -- derek requires intelligence  depth  and a whole lot of shouting  and norton does it all with ease . even when he ', s at his meanest  derek has a likable quality to him  and that ', s a gutsy approach when telling a story about a skinhead . what adds depth to the story is a subplot in which the principal of danny ', s school ( avery brooks ) becomes obsessed with purging the hatred from danny . the other performances are all terrific  with standouts from furlong  d ', angelo  and lien . visually  the film is very powerful . kaye indulges in a lot of interesting artistic choices  and most of them work nicely -- lots of slow - motion and strange camera angles add to a moody atmosphere . but  like a lot of movies lately  american history x skims past greatness in the last few minutes . although the climactic scene is very moving  the picture ends with a pretentious  preachy resolution featuring a brief narration from a character who was killed . for a movie so smart a subtle up until that point  it felt like a slap in the face to be hand - fed a theme in such a simplistic way . it makes me wonder what  exactly  tony kaye disliked about the final version of his film . perhaps this last scene was the problem . it ', s hard to imagine any director not being at least partially pleased with a film this good -- in a time when so many movies are timid and weak  american history x manages to make a compelling argument for racism without advocating it any way .
pos one of my colleagues was surprised when i told her i was willing to see betsy ', s wedding . and she was shocked to hear that i actually liked it . her reaction was understandable when you consider that the film revolves around molly ringwald  who hasn ', t made a worthwhile film since 1986 . but the fact is  betsy ', s wedding is also an alan alda film . and while ringwald has been making duds for the last four years  alda has been involved with several noteworthy projects  including crimes and misdemeanors and a new life . written and directed by alda  betsy ', s wedding is a vibrant slice - of - life  mixing a few dramatic moments into a big bowl of whimsical humor . alda ', s comic elixir is smooth and refreshing -- and a welcome change of pace from the usual summer fare . as bride and groom  molly ringwald and dylan walsh are the pivotal characters in the film  but they are by far the least interesting . walsh is a nonentity  with all the screen presence of a door knob . ringwald is simply unbearable and is easily the weakest link in the chain . she looks hideous with her short - cropped orange hair  red lip - stick and grotesque outfits . she ', s supposed to be a dress designer  but she looks more like a clown . and to make matters worse  ringwald ', s performance matches her appearance . thankfully  alda keeps ringwald ', s screen time to a minimum ; he is far more interested in the colorful periphery characters . the wedding is just a device to bring together the bride ', s working - class  italian family and the groom ', s rich  gentile family . ringwald ', s folks are homey and down - to - earth  with alda as her free - spirited father  madeline kahn as her practical mother  and ally sheedy as her lonely sister . walsh ', s clan  on the other hand  is prim  proper and ostentatious . when the two families meet and mingle  the movie becomes a story of culture clash  or as one character puts it  " money versus values . " ally sheedy  in a wonderfully understated performance  is one of the film ', s most pleasant surprises . sheedy expresses more with just her eyes than ringwald does with her entire body . it ', s anthony lapaglia  however  who seizes the spotlight . lapaglia plays stevie dee  a suave  overly polite mafioso who is formally courting sheedy with old - fashioned chivalry . lapaglia ', s sincere but dim - witted character is a riot . and what ', s uncanny is that lapaglia is a dead ringer for robert de niro  with a little bit of alec baldwin thrown in for good measure . lapaglia seems to have attended the de niro school of gangster acting  and his inspired performance is partly a tribute to his role - model and partly a rip - off . i don ', t know whether to say a star is born or a star is re - born  but i do know that lapaglia ', s over - the - top performance should not be missed . the scrumptious comic acting  however  extends well beyond sheedy and lapaglia . joe pesci  in particular  sinks his teeth into his role as alda ', s unscrupulous brother - in - law  a slum lord with mob ties  who is cheating on his wife ( catherine o ', hara ) . alda  faced with challenge of both directing and acting  somehow finds just the right comic touch as the bride ', s financially - strapped father  a carpenter whose dreams are bigger than his wallet . the film adopts alda ', s psychological point of view as he tries to one : plan the wedding  and two : pay for it . as a filmmaker  alda ', s style of humor is remarkably restrained and tasteful . and while he doesn ', t have the comic genius of a woody allen  alda does possess the inspiration to make movies which are ten times more entertaining than the slop which usually passes for comedy .
pos after bloody clashes and independence won  lumumba refused to pander to the belgians  who continued a condescending and paternalistic relationship with the congo . their officers  particularly general janssens ( rudi delhem ) in the force publique  the congo ', s army  caused rebellions  undermining lumumba  who was outraged at the rape and murder of belgian nationals . with unrest building  moise tshombe ( pascal nzonzi ) and the province of katanga  which contained 70 percent of the country ', s resources  proclaimed secession . lumumba replaced janssens  making mobutu a colonel  and went on a pacification tour with congolese president joseph kasa vubu ( maka kotto )  but it was too late . ', when you want to drown a dog  you say it has rabies  ', prophesies lumumba of his own fate . peck and bonitzer do an exemplary job telling a complicated tale with a myriad of players  although they frequently succumb to cliche  particularly regarding lumumba ', s private life . peck ', s script illuminates bantu sayings like ', the hand that gives  rules ', when lumumba uses it with the american ambassador . peck ', s direction is less assured  with many scenes unfortunately playing like standard television fare . he ', s served well  though  by his casting of ebouaney in the title role . ebouaney is dynamic  radiating his character ', s fierce passion for his people and his country . lumumba ', s intelligence and ability to strategize  even as he ', s cornered by insurmountable odds  are given life by ebouaney . peck ', s subject and lead actor elevate his film above its mediocre production . " lumumba " is a story that deserves to be told and ebouaney ', s performance makes the tragedy personally felt .
pos the american action film has been slowly drowning to death in a sea of asian wire - fu copycats . it ', s not a pretty death  and it ', s leaving the likes of schwartznager  stallone  and van damme wearing cement galoshes at the bottom of a kung fu sea . sometimes  the mix results in a mind - blowing spectacle unlike any other . quality action with amazing and exciting stunt work  as in 1999 ', s the matrix  can be a real gem . but too often hollywood gets it wrong  even when they pay off chinese directors . flying ninjas and floating karate masters have been replaced by soaring bronx detectives and slow motion kicking scientists . mostly it ', s laughable . in hollywood ', s rush to emulate the success of the matrix  trademark asian stunt choreography has become more of a joke than an art form . but iron monkey  the latest asian import  shows us how to get it right . iron monkey ( actually a reissue of a 1993 film ) is the story of a 19th chinese vigilante ( rongguang yu )  fighting with his own unique style of shaolin kung fu for the rights of the oppressed and the bellies of the hungry . but it is also a piece of the narrative of legendary chinese film hero wong fei - hong  most recently seen in one of the most overlooked  and possibly best films of 2000  drunken master 2 ( released in the u . s . as the legend of drunken master ) . unlike drunken master 2  which stars jackie chan as an adult fei - hong  iron monkey finds a much younger fei - hong ( sze - man tsang ) and his father wong kei - ying ( yen chi dan ) thrust into the middle of iron monkey ', s fight against oppression . iron monkey succeeds as no kung fu film since drunken master 2 . at times  fighting styles  especially that of monkey himself  do devolve into the ridiculous twinkle - toed floating of films like crouching tiger  hidden dragon  director yuen wo ping eventually remembers to bring his action scenes back to earth . iron monkey is at its heart a hardcore  kung fu action film rather than any kind of drama a la crouching tiger . however  there are brief moments of profoundness shared between characters  such as those that pass between our outlaw hero and his good - hearted but misguided enemy  chief fox . in those moments  and in others  iron monkey manages to transcend its mindless kung fu nature to touch the hearts and minds of its audience . while in no way the equal of a masterpiece like drunken master 2  iron monkey dances quite nicely to the invading kung fu tune . aka siunin wong fei - hung tsi titmalau .
pos after watching " rat race " last week  i noticed my cheeks were sore and realized that  when not laughing aloud  i had held a grin for virtually all of the film ', s 112 minutes . saturday night  i attended another sneak preview for the movie and damned if i didn ', t enjoy it as much the second time as the first . " rat race " is a great goofy delight  a dandy mix of energetic performances  inspired sight gags and flat - out silliness . hands down  this is the most fun film of the summer . the movie begins with zippy retro - style opening credits that look like they were torn straight out of a ', 60s slapstick comedy  featuring animated photos of the cast attached to herky - jerky bodies bounding around the screen . then comes the setup . donald sinclair ( john cleese )  the extremely rich owner of the venetian hotel and casino in las vegas  enjoys concocting unusual bets for his high rolling clients . to that end  he places a half dozen very special tokens in his slot machines . gathering together the lucky token holders  he explains  " today you have a chance to play a game where the odds of winning are one in six . " the competition is simple : each contestant gets a key that opens a locker in silver city  n . m .  containing $ 2 million in cash . there is a transmitter in every key  so that sinclair and his cronies can keep track of who is ahead . the race has no rules ? whichever contestant reaches the locker first gets the money . since it would be wrong to spoil any of the jokes  let ', s use the next few paragraphs to profile the racers . decked out in flashy  trashy clothing and sporting big hair  vera baker ( whoopi goldberg ) is in town to reunite with the daughter she gave up for adoption as a baby . she finds that grown - up merrill ( lanai chapman ) is erudite  conservative and more than a little bit wary of this stranger trying to jump into her life . thrown together  it becomes clear that both women share a fierce competitive nature . owen templeton ( cuba gooding jr . ) is currently the most hated man in america . an nfl referee  he cost gamblers all over the country enormous amounts of money by blowing a call in a high - profile game . after escaping from a vengeful cab driver  owen gets to new mexico by masquerading as the driver for a busload of lucy ricardo impersonators heading to a convention . mr . pollini ( rowan atkinson ) is a cheerful  odd little italian man on holiday in america . he also is narcoleptic and falls asleep at the most inopportune times . pollini hitches a ride with zack ( wayne knight )  a hyper - tense ambulance driver carrying a human heart across country for a transplant operation . randy pear ( jon lovitz ) promised his wife beverly ( kathy najimy ) and two kids a fun - filled vacation in las vegas . fearful that beverly will be angry over his involvement in the race  he claims that he must travel to silver city for a job interview . beverly insists the family stay together  so they hop in the mini - van and tear off into the desert . brothers duane ( seth green ) and blaine ( vince vieluf ) cody are young  crooked and stupid . blaine has a speech impediment due to his poorly self - done tongue piercing  and duane is the only person who can come close to understanding him . the boys will stop at nothing to reach their goal . finally  nick shaffer ( breckin meyer ) is a no - nonsense lawyer - in - training who recruits helicopter pilot tracy faucet ( amy smart ) for the journey . at first glance  they seem blandly wholesome  but all that changes when tracy buzzes the home of her boyfriend shawn ( dean cain ) and spies him swimming with another woman . director jerry zucker ( " airplane  " " ghost " ) leaps from racer to racer  periodically returning to las vegas where sinclair and mr . grisham ( dave thomas )  his personality - impaired right hand man  continue cooking up bizarre bets for the gamblers . as with any zucker production  a few jokes fall flat  but the momentum of the comedy zooms past those missteps . high points for me include a bit involving kathy bates as a roadside squirrel salesperson and an intricately set up gag that carries jon lovitz and family from a bizarre museum to an outdoor rally  with an utterly tasteless and screamingly funny pay - off . had i been part of the filmmaking team  i would have ditched a joke where a key is dropped into a baby ', s clothes and instead had the key get lost in the cleavage of a dozing society matron . it would have drawn the same laugh without the squirm - inducing hint of child molestation . i also would have selected a different band for a concert sequence . my god  do we really need yet another movie with smash mouth performing " all star ? " but enough carping . " rat race " is a riot  with terrific no - holds - barred performances from the diverse cast . see it  see it again and when the dvd comes out  buy it  because a movie this hilarious will surely have outtakes to die for .
pos i ', ve noticed something lately that i ', ve never thought of before . pseudo - substance - hollywood faking deep meanings in their films . have you ever seen a movie that you really enjoyed  then when you look back  you realize there was something missing ? more and more  filmmakers seem to be putting out well rehearsed  melodramatic films that evoke strong connotations of being a great film  but if you step aside and reflect on your movie going experience  you may just discover nothing more than elegantly presented fluff . i ', m not trying to say city of angels is that bad . it had a lot going for it  but somewhere along the way  it faltered . somehow  underneath the seemingly poetic beauty of it all  there was a gigantic hole somebody covered with iridescent performances and glossy cinematography . the predictable ending that shattered our hopes ( even though we saw it coming ) only added to the disappointment . but for over an hour  city of angels is well worth the time . nicolas cage is seth  a guardian angel who  like hundreds ( likely thousands or even millions ) of other angels  spends eternity watching over the citizens of mortality ; humans never aware of how much celestial intervention occurs in their life . meg ryan  in her most subdued performance yet  plays maggie  a doctor who begins to ponder exactly who it is we ', re fighting against when we fight to keep someone alive . after losing a patient on the surgery table  these questions envelope maggie  and seth  the angel who was there to oversee the patient ', s transition into the afterlife  is immediately captivated by the doctor . he begins following and observing maggie  falling more and more in love with her everyday . angels  who we quickly learn are not and never were humans  can not experience human sensations such as taste and touch  but they do have the ability to make themselves seen to anyone they desire . seth ', s adoration is too much to resist  and eventually he does appear to maggie  quite regularly  although such a thing seems taboo among the angelic community . the angels are interestingly presented  all of them dressed in black and more reminiscent of hitmen than traditional glowing white entities  but it ', s a nice touch that never seems like a mere attempt at uniqueness . cage is a wonderfully versatile actor ( think face / off  raising arizona  and it could happen to you - what a combo ! ) who slips into the role of a heavenly agent quite nicely but threatens sappiness more than once . it ', s nice to see ryan pick up roles like this and the one in courage under fire . the two aren ', t very comparable to each other  but they both deviate from her usual " intelligently ditzy " romantic comedy roles  and it ', s an impressive side of ryan movie goers rarely have the chance to enjoy . but even though the two leads do an impressive job  it is dennis franz who grabs us with his interpretation of a hospital patient who knows more than meets the eye . it ', s a shame that with so much going for it  city of angels falters so much in its final stages  leaving us with the realization that an emotionally incredible movie was out there  they just didn ', t know quite how to get to it . they struggle for an impacting conclusion and wind up with painful thud rather than an exhilarating high . filmmakers should know your final impression will be the one you linger on  remember  and convey to others thru word of mouth  so after telling us for 60 + minutes that this film is a glorious masterpiece  they sure leave us with a disheartening taste of mediocrity in our mouths . based on the german film wings of desire ( that being the english title  of course )  city of angels is ninety percent success  enough to make most people forgive its shortcomings  even the devastatingly disappointing ending . most movie goers  the non - cynics anyway  will be too wrapped up in the surreal atmosphere to give criticism to that which needs to be criticized . nonetheless  city of angels is beautifully captivating  which is probably enough to satisfy those poetic viewers who will appreciate a delve into rich emotional territories .
pos synopsis : bobby garfield ( yelchin ) lives in a small town with his mirthless widowed mother ( hope davis ) . bobby ', s world revolves around his friends  especially the spritely carol ( boorem ) . then one day  a new boarder arrives at bobby ', s house . ted brautigan ( hopkins ) is an enigmatic man to whom bobby takes an immediate liking . as the bond between bobby and ted deepens  bobby becomes privy to ted ', s great secret  an event which will change both of their lives forever . review : a small but enchanting movie  " hearts in atlantis " easily recalls another king - inspired coming - of - age film  " stand by me "  both in terms of its setting and the sentiment it conveys . " hearts " is a tribute to the magic of childhood  to those summers when the days seem neverending  and nothing means more than your closest friends . unlike " stand by me "  there is a supernatural element to " hearts "  but although it is key to the plot  it is not prominent . like " stand by me "  this is a mostly character - driven film  and as such it benefits greatly from superb casting . yelchin is very good as bobby  finding a good mix of innocence and resignation . more splendid still is boorem  whom i praised highly for her work in " along came a spider " and who is simply radiant here as carol . and then there is hopkins  who despite playing such a quiet  introspective character as ted  nonetheless commands our attention every time he is onscreen . less successful is davis  whose strident elizabeth comes across as overly cartoonish . i also found it odd that bobby and carol ', s other friend  sully ( whose death as an adult sets up the movie ', s flashback framing device )  is paid virtually no attention . but hicks ', direction is lovely without being cloying  and despite the movie ', s general lack of incident  it never ceases to weave its spell over the audience .
pos synopsis : in this movie  steven spielberg  one of today ', s finest directors  attempts to spice up the 1800s story of a long courtroom battle over the fate of prisoner cinque ( djimon hounsou ) - - a young angry man from sierra leone who was kidnapped into slavery - - and his fellow prisoners . cinque and friends have landed a ship on the shores of america after escaping spanish slave traders  but since the americans don ', t speak cinque ', s language  the black men are hauled into court to determine whether or not they are legally slaves . technically  since the international slave trade was outlawed at that time  people like cinque couldn ', t be kidnapped into slavery ; one had to be born a slave to be legally considered a slave . lawyers baldwin and adams ( matthew mcconaughey and anthony hopkins ) must prove cinque and the others were captured into slavery  rather than born slaves  in order to get them out of prison as free men . three lengthy court cases are portrayed with spielberg ', s trademark panache - - flashy beginning  lots of facial close - ups  big music  and dramatic imagery . a final speech by adams is followed by an anticlimax where subtitles show what eventually happened to the various characters . opinion : making a fictional movie is easier than making one about real life . in fiction  one invents purposeful  clear - cut good guys and bad guys  puts the fictional characters in conflict  and takes the tale to its exciting conclusion . real life  however  consists of long stretches of boredom with a few dramatic moments and characters who stand around  think thoughts and do nothing  or come and go before events are resolved . spielberg gives us a visually spicy and historically accurate real life story . djimon hounsou and anthony hopkins turn in excellent performances .
pos the police negotiator is the person with the entirely unenviable job of going into ground zero and attempting to talk a dangerous criminal out of doing whatever he or she intends to do . lives are often at stake  and the criminal is usually armed and most likely mentally unstable  prone to turn on the negotiator at a moment ', s notice . the negotiator must therefore be something of an actor  psychologist  and sham artist  in addition to being a police officer ; he must be able to think on his feet and either work toward the goal of ending the confrontation without violence  or failing that  must be prepared to facilitate the conclusion of the crisis through firepower . most of all  the negotiator must be able to enter a situation with as little intelligence about the scenario as possible  and quickly gain control of the situation  dominate the conversation  and influence the perpetrator into thinking that the end of the conflict is what he really wants . it takes a pretty smart person to do that . but what if the hostage - holding criminal is just as smart ? what if he ', s also able to think on his feet ? in fact  what if he also knows all the tricks to turning the situation to his favor ? it is this circumstance which forms the basis for f . gary gray ', s the negotiator . in this film  police negotiator danny roman ( samuel l . jackson ) is tipped off by his partner to corruption within the chicago police force . when his partner turns up shot to death and internal affairs finds incriminating evidence in roman ', s home  roman becomes the prime suspect of both embezzling from the police disability fund and murder . faced with the scorn of most of the police department  and under close scrutiny by the media  roman is forced to turn in his badge in one of those typical scenes in the captain ', s office . i don ', t quite remember if the captain actually said  " i hate to do this  but . . . "  although it wouldn ', t surprise me if he did . luckily  the film soon shakes off the conventionalism and concentrates on the interesting premise mentioned above . after being offered a take - it - or - leave - it deal by the district attorney  roman resolves to prove his innocence by walking into the office of internal affairs inspector niebaum ( j . t . walsh )  taking him and others hostage  and proclaiming he has been framed . although roman ', s actions seem forced due to the compressed nature of his motivational build - up  gray redeems himself by involving us with the negotiations between roman and fellow police negotiator chris sabian ( kevin spacey ) which soon ensue . jackson  while a superb actor  is miscast in the role of roman . the actor has become so popular  and so often identified as a protagonist ( notable exceptions can be found  such as in jackie brown )  that we as an audience have a difficult time believing he will carry out his threats . the script also clearly sets him up as the good guy who is only trying to prove his innocence . how can we believe he ', s going to shoot a hostage  no matter if the hostage tried to kill him earlier ? unfortunately  this preconception saps the film of some of it ', s would - be suspenseful moments  and anything good left in those scenes is largely attributed to jackson ', s acting ability . almost every time he ', s in a scene  jackson steals it without looking back . when spacey appears  the film has already run about a third of its course . his is an interesting character . made out to be some kind of negotiating superman  our first look at him has him hopelessly trying to get his family moving to set out on vacation . " i can talk a man out of blowing up the sears tower  but i can ', t talk my wife out of the bedroom or my daughter off the phone  " he says . when he gets the call to action  however  he quickly changes gears and becomes the man we expect him to be . soon  his character has to negotiate not only with roman  but also with the swat commander ( david morse ) who is itching to send in a team to take roman out  all the while keeping wary of the fbi agents who are waiting to take over the operation  should negotiations fail . this complex set of pressures are reflected well in sabian the negotiator and spacey the actor . as the second protagonist  spacey measures up nicely . gray really lucked out with this cast . david morse as commander beck  ron rifkin as commander frost  and john spencer as police chief al travis are all more than competent  and can hold their own in scenes with jackson and spacey . the only problem is the bit of typecasting that results from these choices : morse played a similar role in the rock  rifkin played the d . a . in l . a . confidential  and spencer played a police detective in cop land . with the level of acting  however  this can be forgiven . also in the supporting cast  paul giamatti as rudy  one of the hostages  is notable for the comic relief he provides . his character is initially so slimy  and giamatti himself just looks so shifty  that you expect to laugh before he even says anything . fortunately  this doesn ', t distract from the seriousness of the rest of the film  but instead provides some nice breathers from the level of tension which gray manages to sustain throughout . j . t . walsh  as the suspicious internal affairs inspector  clocks in with one of his final performances . sadly  the talented but underrated actor passed away in late february of this year  and the soon to be released pleasantville will mark his last film . walsh appeared in dozens of movies such as good morning vietnam  backdraft  and nixon . for one of his best performances  check out sling blade  in which he plays a mental patient sharing a ward with billy bob thornton . when jack nicholson accepted his best actor oscar in march  walsh was one of the men to whom he credited his success ( the actors performed together in a few good men ) . the negotiator is actually dedicated to walsh  and while inspector niebaum may not have been his best role  it certainly characterizes the type of character for which walsh had become most famous for playing . in the end  the negotiator has a plotline that parallels it ', s reality . we ', re served with the premise that two equally deft negotiators are battling each other to resolve the conflict in the manner which will suit each of them best . as an audience  we ', re also given a situation where two wonderfully talented actors are thrown into a movie  and we ', d like to see if one will dominate the film . both provide some pretty good entertainment .
pos plot : a young man who loves heavy metal music and especially the band steel dragon  to whom he ', s devoted a tribute band in which he sings  gets launched into stardom when the real group get rid of their lead singer and call on him to take his place . critique : i ', m a sucker for movies like this . a young man with a humble background and lofty dreams  works hard  devotes the time  the energy and the patience  and ultimately hits it big - time . in the case of this film  our boy loves a certain heavy metal band and as luck would have it ( yup  luck always finds its way into these types of equations  although generally tied very closely to hard work )  they need a new singer . his entry and adaptation to the whole " rock ', n roll " lifestyle fills the rest of the film and is really fun to watch . although i will preface this by saying that one thing that would definitely enhance your appreciation for this film is your own love ( or past love ) of heavy metal music and the whole scene around it . metal was one of my first loves as a teen and even though the genre of music isn ', t that prominent anymore  i still check out my motley crue  twisted sister and anthrax cds every now and again . that ', s not to say that you won ', t like this film if you don ', t like the music  but the music and live performances from the band  play a big part in the movie  and i for one  had a blast watching and listening to it all . but the even greater draw in this film is the standout performance given here by mark wahlberg . wow  hand this fella some major props  as he totally becomes this heavy metal geek / god ( incidentally  metal god was the film ', s original title  and a much better one if you ask me ) . he is this movie and i was quite taken by his character pretty much the whole way through . he came off like a regular guy with extremely passionate goals and work ethic  who was willing to do anything in order to fulfill his dreams . aniston was also surprisingly good as the girlfriend ( and the romance angle between them was sweet )  but she didn ', t pull me in hard enough during their emotional scenes . i was also impressed by some of the " real " musicians who played in the film ( zakk wylde from ozzy osbourne  jeff pilson from dokken  stephan jenkins from third eye blind  blas elias from slaughter )  but actor dominic west as kirk cuddy made the biggest impression among the band members . it ', s to note that this film was based on a real - life tale of a young man who used to sing in a judas priest cover band and then went on to become their actual singer ( their original singer also admitted to being gay  as in this film ) . just for the record  i ', m certainly not recommending this film for its originality or surprise elements  since most of this stuff has already been covered in some way or another in other movies  but because it ', s a fun  uplifting  well - paced movie with a solid central showing by wahlberg and energetic live performances . oh yeah  and for those who dig the " heavier " side of music  the soundtrack also rocks ! ! you see . . . dreams can come true . . . where ', s joblo coming from ? almost famous ( 8 / 10 ) - blow ( 8 / 10 ) - boogie nights ( 9 / 10 ) - detroit rock city ( 8 / 10 ) - girlfight ( 6 / 10 ) - goodfellas ( 10 / 10 )
pos carry on matron is the last great carry - on film in my opinion . made in 1972  it still features most of the regulars of this genre . sid james plays the head of a gang of crooks intent on stealing contraceptive pills from the local maternity hospital and selling them off to make a profit  kenneth williams is sir bernard cutting  head of the hospital but also a hypochondriac  hattie jacques re - takes her role as matron  and charles hawtrey is the psychiatrist dr . goode . the jokes come in fast and so do the laughs  with humorous antics between the matron and sir bernard . this time  williams is after matron ( jacques ) when he needs to prove himself that he is a man after visiting dr . goode . the doctor ( hawtrey ) is sworn to secrecy : - " i assure you  that anything you say to me today will go in one ear and straight out of the other ! " bernard thinks he is having a sex change and needs to prove himself . there are great cameos from joan sims  an expectant mother who is many weeks overdue and is eating constantly in every scene  and from kenneth connor as the expectant father who still thinks he ', s at work ( at the railway station ) . sid james ', gang including cyril his son ( kenneth cope ) try to find out where the pills are by getting cyril to dress up as a nurse and live in at the nurses home . he has to share a room with nurse ball ( barbara windsor ) and she soon sees through him ! the film ends with the attempted robbery of the hospital ', s pills with panic ensuing . there are good performances by hattie jacques as the matron  however her character seems a little more subdued and quieter than her previous ', matron ', s ', . williams is  as usual  on top form  but sid james isn ', t given a very good part in this movie and i would forgive anyone to forget that he was in the movie at all . the same does not go for charles hawtrey  for although he only first appears in the movie after 30 minutes gone and has scarce screen time  he seems to steal every scene he is in . by not making use of sid james and barbara windsor ', s talent to full effect  the film seems to flounder  but it certainly makes up for it with it ', s good storyline and it ', s other appealing characters . this film is genuinely funny and i could watch it again and again and not get bored !
pos the ultimate match up between good and evil  " the untouchables " is an excellent movie because it looks deeper into an already examined rivalry . based on the 1959 television show of the same title  " the untouchables " may be an exaggeration of the real life events that took place  but it fits together perfectly with some beautifully filmed action sequences  some excellent acting  a memorable score  and a clever script . the film takes place in chicago during the prohibition era where mobsters led by the ruthless al capone run an underground market of liquor to the demanding public . elliot ness and a small force of men known as the untouchables attempt the impossible by trying to stop capone and trying to maintain peace and order . however  as ness soon learns  in order to stabilize peace  you have to bend a few laws . the fact that capone is evil is very apparent from the first few scenes . the film begins with capone  played perfectly by deniro  declaring that he is not a violent man and he is a firm believer in following all laws . the film then quickly transfers to the next scene in which one of capone ', s men bombs a restaurant that contains many innocent people including a little girl . from this point we know capone is evil  not only because he kills without hesitation  but also because he is a lying bastard . right from the first five minutes of the film  de palma has created a hatred towards capone and he shows that this man must be brought down at all costs . this developed hatred is before the film ', s hero  ness  is even introduced . i found this approach to be very clever because in a small duration of time there is a great amount of admiration for ness and an equal amount of hatred for capone . the film only gets better from this point . with the formation of the untouchables  there is a group of men wearing long  dark overcoats and hats . they walk in unison and they only look forward . as they walk down the streets they are observed and feared by citizens . holding shot guns and pistols in their hands to stop criminals  this image of vigilantes must have influenced future films . one that comes to mind is " the matrix " when neo  morpheus  trinity  and the rest of the gang first come into the virtual world . wearing more futuristic outfits of the same 1930 ', s style  the similarities between these two are countless . " the untouchables " has some of the hippest  bravest heroes in any action film . the four members were the only ones willing to go against capone ', s army . each member of this special group also had their own characteristics that separated them from others . elliot ness  played with perfect ingenuity by kevin costner  is a character that surely grows during the course of the film . he begins as a man who is determined to follow all laws no matter how unfair they may be . however  as the film develops so does ness . his beliefs involving the law are shattered when he realizes that those he trusted are actually members of the other side . he also begins to lose his stability when his adversaries begin to murder his friends . his anger becomes so thunderous that he can no longer hold it in . sean connery  who won an academy award for best supporting actor in his role  plays malone  an aging cop who decides to make one final run as a member of the untouchables . malone acts as a mentor to ness . he teaches him " the chicago way " to do things ; when they attack with a knife  you attack with a gun . connery plays his character with the exact amount of wit and experience needed . andy garcia does a wonderful job as george stone  a young man who is just becoming a police officer . as ness grows  he begins to teach stone some valuable lessons that malone once taught him . charles martin smith is also fantastic as the final member who attempts to use an income tax offense against capone . smith is perfect for his role as he adds some valuable comic relief to the film . the action scenes are also some of the most beautifully choreographed i have ever seen . also very similar to " the matrix  " they are exciting and intense . > from a western - like battle to the famous confrontation at the train station steps  the scenes are well thought out and well executed . the score during these scenes ingeniously adds to the excitement . its pounding drum beats act as a rhythm for the actors . the combination of image and music is very impressive and also very effective . although the real life untouchables may have been excessively glorified  this film is pure entertainment and contains a unique blend of great acting  great directing  and great action . some scenes ( capone and the baseball bat  the train station ) have stuck in my mind for years and seeing them again will only make them more vivid .
pos having not seen  " who framed roger rabbit " in over 10 years  and not remembering much besides that i liked it then  i decided to rent it recently . watching it i was struck by just how brilliant a film it is . aside from the fact that it ', s a milestone in animation in movies ( it ', s the first film to combine real actors and cartoon characters  have them interact  and make it convincingly real ) and a great entertainment it ', s also quite an effective comedy / mystery . while the plot may be somewhat familiar the characters are original  especially baby herman  and watching them together is a lot of fun . the story begins in hollywood in 1947 . cartoon star roger rabbit is blowing takes and having trouble keeping his mind on work  so hard - boiled private detective eddie valiant ( bob hoskins ) is called in by studio head r . k . maroon ( alan tilvern ) to try to help get roger ', s mind back on work . maroon thinks that roger ', s wife  jessica ', s  possible unfaithfulness to him might be the cause of distraction and tells eddie to get some photos of her in the act before it costs him any more money in reshoots . valiant takes some photos of jessica playing  ` patty cake ', with marvin acme ( stubby kaye )  the owner of toontown ( where all of the cartoon characters live ) and takes them to maroon . upon seeing them  roger is emotionally destroyed and soon after acme is found dead and roger rabbit is the prime suspect . the rest of the movie follows valiant and roger as they run around town ( and eventually toontown ) trying to clear roger ', s good name . along the way they meet judge doom ( christopher lloyd ) a judge - jury - and executioner type who ', s out to get roger and has discovered the one and only way to kill a ` toon . ', ` who framed roger rabbit ', won 4 academy awards including a special achievement award for richard williams for animation direction and creation of the cartoon characters ( williams and his teams went through the film frame by frame and hand drew the cartoon characters in ) . director robert zemekis must be given an equal amount of praise for overseeing the entire production  which included hundreds of animators . also bob hoskins ', performance should be credited . he  in addition to the rest of the human cast  finds the right note to play in all of the scenes with his cartoon co - stars . according to the internet movie database  hoskins studied his young daughter to learn how to act with imaginary characters and i guess his hard work paid off . ` who framed roger rabbit ', is a rare film . one that not only presented a great challenge to the filmmakers but one that can be enjoyed by the whole family ( although some very young viewers may be a little scared by judge doom ) . do yourself a favor and rent it  ` p - p - p - p - please . "
pos there ', s something about ben stiller that makes him a popular choice among casting directors these days . stiller currently has three projects in circulation  and what other actor can lay claim to that ? he ', s in " there ', s something about mary  " which i * still * haven ', t seen . and he ', s in the acerbic " your friends & neighbors  " playing a talkative  sexually - frustrated drama coach called jerri . now there ', s " permanent midnight  " in which stiller plays another jerry  this one a heroin - addicted television writer  last name stahl . there ', s also something about this industry that pushes bankable stars like stiller into doing drug - addiction pictures the minute they ', ve proved themselves commercially . ewan mcgregor springs to mind who  after successful turns in " emma " and " brassed off  " received greater respect and admiration for his mind - blowing realization as renton in danny boyle ', s transatlantic junk - fest  " trainspotting . " the philosophy appears to be a simple one : if you want ', em to be taken seriously  make ', em do drugs . " permanent midnight " is based on the true life experiences of jerry stahl  a successful hollywood writer who  in the mid - eighties  had a $ 5  000 - a - week job churning out plotlines for disposable tv sitcoms and a $ 6  000 - a - week heroin habit . a habit  in stahl ', s own words  " the size of utah . " as stahl  stiller contributes a commanding performance . unlike " trainspotting  " which was successful in having it both ways by chronicling both the highs and the lows of heroin abuse  " permanent midnight " instead focuses on the concept of drug addiction as maintenance . one of the earliest observations in the film is a casual reference to " naked lunch " author william s . burroughs who  when asked why he shoots up first thing in the morning responds  " so i can shave . " stahl rarely appears to be puncturing veins for the thrill of it all in " permanent midnight " ; it ', s so he can talk to his mother on the phone  show up for work on time  even pay his bills . while the film itself occasionally wobbles around along with stahl  the writing ( adapted from stahl ', s autobiography by director david veloz ) is controlled and pointed . " permanent midnight " shows how stahl moved from new york to l . a . to -- again in the author ', s words -- " escape the drug scene " ( yeah  right ) ; why he entered into a convenient marriage with a british tv exec ( elizabeth hurley  so impossibly polite you ', d swear her single profanity was dubbed ) ; and that he conceived a child in between his random hirings and firings . stahl narrates all this in a motel bedroom to a sympathetic lover called kitty ( norristown ', s own maria bello ) with whom he spent some rehab time . janeane garofalo is wasted -- and miscast -- as a heavily - bespectacled hollywood talent agent who fails to get her hooks into the doped - up wordsmith  and that ', s stahl himself playing a jaded clinic counselor . stiller  unshaven ( burroughs take note ) and with lots of mascara around the eyes  has stahl stumble through the film looking like a train wreck but  to his credit  never once pushes his pill - popping  needle - jabbing performance over the top . the ubiquitous stiller is the reason to see " permanent midnight " ; a dark  comic  and strangely absorbing study of assisted living .
pos by phil curtolo mel gibson ( braveheart ) gave a gripping performance as the father of a young kidnapped boy in ron howard ', s ransom . gibson plays tom mullen  a wealthy business tycoon whose past actions are coming back to haunt him as a deranged psychopath  played by gary sinise ( forrest gump )  and his band of low - life thugs kidnap his only son for $ 2 million . tom and his wife  kate  played by rene russo ( tin cup ) were instructed not to inform the police  but they contacted the fbi . minutes later  an elite team of agents led by delroy lindo ( broken arrow ) are in tom ', s house and wiring every phone . the plot sounds average  just like most other kidnap movies that you ', ve already seen  and it was nothing more than that . that is until about half - way through the movie . suddenly  tom goes to the fox 5 news room and makes a live broadcast saying  " this is your ransom . but this is as close as you will ever get to it . instead  i am offering this money as a reward on your head  dead or alive . " at this point  the plot thickened  and the unusually slow start of the film turned into a suspense - filled action film with great stunts . the last half of the film is very well done . another thing that carries this film are the superb performances by gibson and sinise  as they collide in a game of wits over their cellular phones for most of the movie . owen gleiberman of entertainment weekly commented on the subject : " it makes you wonder what kidnappers did before cell phones . " before this movie  sinise played mostly " good guys  " first in of mice & men  then in forrest gump  and most recently  in apollo 13 . but he was surprisingly devilish and cold in his portrayal of a cop - gone - bad . gibson  of course  was just being gibson  in an oscar - worthy performance . although most of the scenes were quite predictable  ransom is a very entertaining and suspenseful film . ])
pos one can not observe a star trek movie and expect to see serious science fiction . the purpose of star trek is to provide flashy  innocent fun . sometimes the stories are compelling . sometimes they ', re not . but  with the exception of the first film in the series ( which provides little more than endless shots of amazed faces )  i ', ve never been bored by any of the enterprise ', s numerous missions . star trek : insurrection is no exception . the film has gotten some negative reviews ( a friend of mine actually thinks it ', s the worst in the series )  but i ', m not really sure why . it ', s an exciting  often hilarious movie that engaged me and left me ready for the next star trek film . some say it ', s a bit too light  and more of a long episode than a film . others say the special effects are cheesy and that it ', s boring . i simply enjoyed the film . insurrection  which is the second film to feature strictly the next generation cast  introduces us to a race of people called the ba ', ku ; the ba ', ku are very old ( most of them are about three hundred years old )  but they actually appear younger with age due to strange radiation in the rings of their planet . of course  these peaceful people can ', t horde this fountain of youth all for themselves ? leave it up to their archenemies  the son ', a  led by ru ', afo ( f . murray abraham )  to mess everything up . the son ', a  who are horribly disfigured and rely on daily reconstructive surgery to be aesthetically acceptable  strike a deal with the federation to move the ba ', ku elsewhere and exploit the secret to keep their race from dying . that ', s when captain picard ( patrick stewart ) steps in : he realizes that moving the ba ', ku would kill them ( it also helps that he falls in love with a ba ', ku woman ( donna murphy ) ) . so  with his trusty crew  picard defies the federation to keep the ba ', ku in their natural habitat . when dealing with a series with as much history as this  it ', s not entirely necessary to re - introduce your characters with each episode . this is why i believe non - fans have a hard time getting into star trek ; in order to enjoy it  one has to understand how to approach it . insurrection  however  does a surprisingly good job of us new aspects of the characters . stewart is bold as always  a magnetic screen presence and perfectly capable of holding an entire film together . jonathan frakes  who also directed  is funny as commander riker ; a subplot with data ( brent spiner ) discovering his lost childhood is fairly interesting ; and abraham makes a perfect star trek villain  overacting like crazy . frakes showed similar aptitude for direction in first contact ; insurrection is an exciting film  with some really attractive special effects and a lot of good action . this is apparently the first star trek film to utilize computer animation  and the result is very pleasing to the eye : particularly in the climactic scenes  in which the son ', a employ a giant space ship to suck up the rings of the ba ', ku planet  the special effects have a clean  impressively sharp look . if i have any complaint about the film  it ', s that it tries to take a moral stance when it ', s not very appropriate to do so . i don ', t think it ', s that big of a deal that the federation wanted to move 600 ba ', ku in order to save the lives of thousands . better yet  why couldn ', t they have co - existed ? insurrection feels a little to light to spring these kinds of big moral questions on the audience . with it ', s inherent camp factor  the star trek series doesn ', t seem well - equipped to deal with issues like this . i prefer to just enjoy the spectacle .
pos a fully loaded entertainment review - website coming in july ! > from ace ventura to truman burbank  jim carrey has run the whole gamut of comic  yet sympathetic  characters . 1996 ', s the cable guy was supposed to be his big " breakthrough " role from zany humor into darker  more dramatic acting . as most everyone knows  the results were  well  less - than - stellar . not only did the film not do so hot at the box office  but it was also panned by critics . as far as i know  gene siskel and i are the only ones willing to admit that we dug it . the first time i saw the cable guy  in theatres  i was in super critic - mode  and didn ', t really like it . however  due to the fact that hbo shows the movie every single day  i ', ve had time to lean back  relax  and take in the film . and to my surprise  it grew on me . the plot is rather simple : broderick plays a guy named steven who befriends his cable guy  played by carrey  then is stalked by him when steven tries to break off the relationship . see  steven ', s been having some problems with his girlfriend  robin ( leslie mann )  and he doesn ', t think he has any more room in his life for a new friend . also  some of the cable guy ', s antics have been creeping him out . carrey  as the cable guy  gives steven various aliases  which later we find out are all tv characters : larry tate  chip douglas  ricky ricardo  etc . he apparently lives in his cable van  and while many critics didn ', t enjoy this newer  darker  less - manic performance from carrey  i thought it was interesting and rather well - done . for me  its not the movie as a whole that ', s enjoyable  but rather several individual scenes : a karaoke jam at steven ', s apartment  a medieval fight at a theme restaurant  and a bathroom beating ( a la liar  liar )  just to name a few . perhaps the fact that more of carrey ', s humorous side comes out during these scenes is what makes them so funny . and if you really want to see something  you ', ve got to hear his version of jefferson airplane ', s " somebody to love "  sung at the aformentioned karaoke jam . the cable guy has its bad spots  like most any movie . i didn ', t particularly like steven ', s girlfriend  and i felt that more focus should have been used on the relationship between steven and his best friend . also  the ending  while having you fooled for a moment  is rather contrived  and somewhat dissapointing . still  i found the cable guy to be a worthwhile venture ; if you ', re at the video store and can ', t think of anything to rent  i suggest you try it out . or if you have hbo  just wait till it comes on ( you won ', t have to wait long . ) hell  that ', s what i do every day .
pos when bulworth ended  i allowed myself a sigh of relief : ? it is possible for me to enjoy political satire . ? there have been several recent political films that didn ', t do a whole lot for me -- wag the dog  for instance  i found to be an intelligent but heartless film  while primary colors is unbearable and unwatchable in its awfulness . ? bulworth is a far better film than these  both in its execution and lasting impression . ? it ', s a tremendously funny and intelligent picture  but it also has an emotional center -- writer / director / star warren beatty allows the audience to identify with his character  and  in turn  we like him and actually care about the story . ? beatty plays incumbent democratic senator jay billington bulworth ; the film opens and we see bulworth sobbing as he watches his television spots over and over again . ? he hasn ', t slept in days  nor has he eaten  and  almost instantaneously  he goes insane . ? he ', s not stark raving mad ( not outright  anyway )  but he ', s definitely bonkers . ? it ', s the final weekend of his campaign  and his assistant  murphy ( oliver platt ) has written him a speech to feed to a group of black people in a church in the ghetto . ? bulworth begins the speech  but suddenly goes off track and just starts being honest . ? " you mean  " one lady asks  " the democratic party doesn ', t care about the african american community ? " ? " well  " he shouts  laughing  " isn ', t that obvious ? " the story is propelled by a device in which bulworth puts out a contract on his own life ( he muses later that it ', s a bad thing to make decisions when you ', re suicidal ) ; he keeps seeing a man in sunglasses ( graham beckel ) whom he believes to be the hitman . ? bulworth also meets nina ( halle berry ) with whom he becomes infatuated . ? suddenly  in the short span of this weekend  bulworth ', s no - nonsense " truth in politics " methods become a national sensation  and he shoots ahead in the polls despite the fact that he ', s appearing on television wearing gang clothes and spewing more profanity than coherent sentences . beatty ', s work on both sides of the camera is excellent . ? his script and direction are both extremely sharp  as is the surprisingly strong characterization of bulworth himself . ? here is a man who ', s reached his limit  and his way of lashing back is by screwing over the entire political structure . ? i like that the film doesn ', t take a clear shot at any of the political parties or affiliations  but at politics in general and how everything is run by the rich ( although the anti - rich sentiments do get a bit tiresome by the end of the film ) . ? some of the segments are simply hilarious  such as a lengthy rap that he delivers at a luncheon dedicated to him . ? much of the film is completely absurd  but that ', s the fun part about it . ? it ', s an angry  serious film at the core  but the package that beatty has created is so much more accessible than recent attempts in the genre . ? what adds to this feeling is beatty ', s portrayal of bulworth ; this is a performance that deserves recognition on a higher scale . ? beatty is so much fun to watch here -- he ', s always funny  but he ', s also subtle in ways that flesh out his character without dialogue or hugely noticeable actions . ? beatty is so good that bulworth  despite his shortcomings as a human being  is an entirely sympathetic and likable character almost from the beginning . the supporting cast is vast and colorful . ? berry is luminous  as always  and adds to her repertoire of solid supporting roles . ? don cheadle has a good role as a drug dealer who uses gun - toting toddlers to do his dirty work . ? oliver platt is an actor who should be careful  for someday i fear he may induce a heart attack with the intensity of his acting ( though he ', s very funny to watch ) . ? paul sorvino adds the southern accent to his list of mastered inflections . is bulworth offensive ? ? i suppose some may see it that way . ? i wasn ', t offended by the film  but then again  i hardly care about politics . ? i think that people who find this film offensive will just be blindsided by the honesty of the story . ? the film isn ', t perfect  of course -- the ending didn ', t quite work for me  and the a few of the scenes between bulworth and nina feel forced ( although the eclectic dance sequence is fantastic ) . ? but these are minor quibbles about an otherwise brilliant film . ? bulworth is a smart  uproariously funny picture that proves to me that political satire can scratch far deeper than the surface . ?
pos call 911 for the cliche police if you must  but the eyes are the window to the soul . the finest actors working in films are those who can command the screen with a gaze : paul newman  ralph fiennes  anthony hopkins  morgan freeman . you look at these men on screen and you can tell without them saying a word that there is something going on in their minds  that the characters they play are real human beings . we will never have a chance to discover if tupac shakur could have been a great actor  but he had that unique quality in his eyes . in gridlock ', d  an oddly effective combination of gritty drama and social satire  shakur and his co - star tim roth take sketchy characters and make them exciting to watch through the pure energy of their talent and chemistry . shakur and roth play ezekiel " spoon " whitmore and alexander " stretch " rome  two detroit buddies who share a spoken word / jazz trio  an apartment and a drug addiction with cookie ( thandie newton ) . when a new year ', s eve party ends with cookie comatose after a drug overdose  spoon and stretch begin to wonder if they are living on borrowed time . they soon make a new year ', s resolution to get into rehab  but that proves to be easier said than done . as though the temptation to fix were not hindrance enough  spoon and stretch also find their attempts to get clean hitting a road block of bureaucracy  confusion and red tape . the government might be the least of their obstacles  however  as they find themselves suspects in the murder of a drug dealer  and on the run from a nasty thug ( vondie curtis hall ) . in order for you to buy into gridlock ', d at all  you have to accept it as a surreal odyssey rather than as urban realism ; unless spoon and stretch sleep through an entire day at the hospital after bringing in cookie  they are going to government offices on new year ', s day  in which case they should be thankful they get any help at all . gridlock ', d may actually be a response to the fatuous social commentary of another urban odyssey  1991 ', s falling down  which found a besieged middle class white male venting his righteous anger against the system during a trek through inner city los angeles . in falling down  michael douglas ', d - fens ( the character ', s personalized license plate  echoed in gridlock ', d by the drug lord d - reper ', s plates ) whips out a gun because he can ', t get breakfast at mcdonald ', s ; in gridlock ', d  spoon and stretch are unarmed against the demands placed on them before they can get into a rehab center . and where the unhinged d - fens became a heroic surrogate for audiences  writer / director vondie curtis hall refuses to let spoon and stretch off the hook for their own part in the situation . one bureaucrat responds to a tirade from stretch with the question  " do you expect the world to stop . . . just because you picked _today_ to clean up ? " the world in gridlock ', d is just as frustrating as the world in falling down  but the cathartic moments yield no easy answers this time . hall has some interesting things to say about what we expect from the system  but perhaps not enough of them . a significant chunk of gridlock ', d is devoted to spoon and stretch ', s flight from d - reper and from the police  and those sub - plots serve up some thoroughly predictable moments . in one scene  stretch scares off d - reper by getting chummy with a police officer ; another presents that old chestnut of the two mistakenly - suspected heroes in a public place watching a television news report of the crime which shows their pictures . the entire sequence of events seems designed merely as an excuse to get spoon and stretch running  while the other primary plot has them standing in line or sitting down much of the time . hall also plays with gratuitous inserts of drug paraphernalia and flashbacks to the day before the film ', s main events  perhaps making a particular effort to point out the talent the characters are wasting through self - destructive behavior . oh  the irony of it . tupac shakur made a career in music and movies playing the hard case  and living the life to back it up . in gridlock ', d  shakur gets the chance to play someone who has seen enough of the way his life could go to know that it scares him . spoon is an idea for a character at best as written by hall  but shakur displays an intelligence and survival instinct which struggle with his addiction . mostly it comes through those eyes  eyes with none of the hardness you might expect from the infamous gangsta . it is spoon who plays conscience to stretch ', s pure appetite  and roth plays stretch with a gleeful self - destructiveness ( he reveals that he is hiv positive even as he is preparing to shoot up again ) which is as much an obstacle to spoon ', s goal as any agency or enemy . gridlock ', d ', s most cruelly comic scene finds stretch " helping " spoon get into an emergency room by repeatedly stabbing him with a tiny pocket knife  and it becomes an appropriate symbol for how the company he keeps has slowly drained the life out of him . with friends like that  spoon doesn ', t need enemies  and shakur looks at stretch with the tired eyes of a man who has seen too much . the tragedy now is that we won ', t get more chances to see those eyes again .
pos hilarious  ultra - low budget comedy from film school dropout kevin smith chronicles a day in the life of two convenience store slackers ( brian o ', halloran and jeff anderson ) . they spend most of their day ignoring customers while discussing everything from fellatio to self - fulfillment . the premise is strictly sitcom and the photography is grainy as all get - out  but you could spend ten times the film ', s budget ( a reported $ 27  000 ) and still not get dialogue half as good as this . originally rated nc - 17 for language . not recommended for viewers with sensitive ears . killing zoe =========== remake reservoir dogs as a french art film and you ', re halfway to killing zoe  writer / director roger avary ', s slow - moving story of a failed bastille day bank robbery . eric stoltz stars as an american in paris who gets in * way * over his head when hooks up with a band of nihilistic bank robbers . he ', s the safecracker who ', s blissful unaware that the bank job is a botch job from the word go . though intriguing on all fronts  the film is paced at half the speed of pulp fiction  which avary co - wrote with quentin tarantino . in english and french . the road to wellville ===================== based on the novel by t . coraghessan boyle  the road to wellville doesn ', t go very far . bowels  bowels  and more bowels are explored by dr . john harvey kellogg ( a buck - toothed and bespectacled anthony hopkins )  who  in the early 1900 ', s  advocated abstinence  vegetarianism  and frequent defecation . he also invented the cornflake . really . checking - in to kellogg ', s battle creek sanitarium are matthew broderick and bridget fonda  just two of the many well - known faces in this failed comedy . leave your laughter at the door and you can marvel at the unfunny antics of john cusack  michael lerner  lara flynn boyle  john neville  and dana carvey . the art direction is impeccable and some of the early sequences are amusing  but the novelty quickly wears off as writer / director alan parkers tries his darnedness to turn doo - doo into drama . what he ends up with is something that i can ', t print here . phew ! stargate ======== lawrence of arabia meets star wars . this epic sci - fi film is more sheer spectacle than anything else . director roland emmerich ( universal solider ) shamelessly rips off lucas and spielberg and just about any other cosmic cliche that he can lay his hands on . the film is overlong  the characters are cardboard  and the script is filled with some of the most laughable details in modern sci - fi history . that said  there ', s still plenty to watch here . sci - fi fans should enjoy the sculpted sands  the morphing headdresses  and a surprisingly spunky james spader . he plays the egyptologist who gets to prove his theory that that " somebody else " built the pyramids . less interesting are co - stars kurt russell and jaye davidson of crying game fame . star trek generations ===================== trek fans may be more forgiving  but  for the rest of us  the sluggish star trek generations is a mixed bag at best . the story is interesting  but each scene goes too long . the cast is earnest  but the direction lacks punch . and so on . ( the best example of the latter is a klingon comeuppance that delivers none of the impact of a similar scene in star trek ii . ) original enterprise captain james t . kirk appears on both ends of the story  though they cut the scene where shatner turns to the screen to plead " get a life . " remarkably unremarkable . miracle on 34th street ====================== in a season of the specialist and pulp fiction et al  maybe a remake of miracle on 34th street * is * necessary . john hughes certainly believes in santa claus and his les mayfield - directed production does nothing to tarnish the memory of the 1947 original . the romance between costars dylan mcdermott and elizabeth perkins doesn ', t work too well  but the film makes a strong case that richard attenborough is the definitive kriss kringle . his chemistry with children can moisten any eye . no claus for alarm . junior ====== arnold schwarzenegger pregnant ? sure  billy crystal did it before in rabbit test  but the sight of schwarz with a bulging belly is a casting coup comparable to dustin hoffman in tootsie . what should be nothing more than a one - joke premise actually gets better as it goes along . director ivan reitman ( dave  twins ) wisely keeps the farce to a minimum  so the first hour moves slower than you might expect . don ', t expect too many yuks from danny devito  but you can ', t beat those early romantic scenes between emma and arnie . how ', s * that * for a collision of acting styles ?
pos for those of us who weren ', t yet born when the 1960 ', s rock ', n ', rolled around  monterey pop affords an affectionate glimpse of the music that influenced our parents to be hippies . from otis redding to jimi hendrix  janis joplin to the mamas and the papas  and jefferson airplane to the who  this documentary is jam - packed with contagious energy . but i give fair warning that i will reveal the ending  which does not do the rest of the film the justice it deserves . shot in 1969 at an outdoor concert that precluded woodstock  the film defies the stereotype of the general population at the time . sure  some have painted their faces and smoke joints  but d . a . pennebaker ( the war room  moon over broadway ) surprisingly chooses to show a broad spectrum of the audience . no matter who is watching  it all comes back to the talented musicians that stir your soul . the excitement starts before the music even begins . a young girl is cleaning thousands of seats and when asked why by an interviewer  she replies that she feels lucky to do so . there are moments of organized craziness as john phillips  leader of the mamas and the papas and one of the concert organizers  tries to get in touch with dionne warwick . and when one band is tuning up  a member remarks  " finally  a decent sound system ! " you can tell just by watching these first few moments that this show isn ', t about vanity  it ', s about playing the music you love to those who have an appreciation for it  a two - way street . this interaction between audience and performer continues throughout the film and becomes infectious to the audience . it ', s impossible to tear your eyes away from janis joplin as she belts out her ballad about love being a ball and chain . and while the lyrics to " wild thing " may not be all that complicated  watching jimi hendrix mime having sex with his guitar is as captivating as otis redding singing about love . even if you don ', t recognize every band you see on stage  you can imagine being as enthralled by their work as the public sitting in those seats . the only drawback to the film is the ending  which unfortunately i must reveal . all the other bands  big names then and still today  got approximately 7 to 10 minutes of screen time . in contrast  the last band on camera  a wholly forgettable one  gets an entire 18 minutes of screen time . for a film that ', s only 78 minutes long  that ', s too large of a chunk  especially when previous acts are much more stimulating . all in all  monterey pop is a precious  rare look at a time period that still holds sway over us . the variety of music  as well as the beautifully shot performances  are easy to become immersed in . if there was ever any question as to why most of these bands were so popular  this is quickly dispelled . it ', s almost depressing to think that music this moving doesn ', t get made much anymore . instead we ', re stuck with * nsync  the backstreet boys  and jennifer lopez  all of whom should have stuck with modeling .
pos the most common ( and in many cases the only ) complaint against francis ford coppola ', s 1972 masterpiece the godfather is glamorising of mafia  which is presented as an institution guided by ancient tradition and virtues like honour  loyalty and solidarity more suitable for some gentler  kinder ages . martin scorsese  another italoamerican moviemaker  confronted that perspective with his own  more down - to - earth vision of mafia in 1973 mean streets  movie that dealt with lower echelons of organised crime . unfortunately for scorsese  his film was unspectacular and too artsy to compete with coppola ', s influence on mafia portrayals in the movies . seventeen years later scorsese returned to mean streets of new york with another film that dealt with darker side of american organised crime . this film was goodfellas  epic black comedy which is today considered as one of the best and most influential films of 1990s . goodfellas owes some of its initial success and popularity to the fact that it was based on the true story  told in best - seller book wiseguy by nicholas pileggi ( who would co - write the screenplay for the film ) . the book  as well as the film  chronicled thirty years in the life of henry hill ( played by ray liotta )  irish - italian criminal from new york . at the age of 13 he gets recruited in the criminal organisation of paulie cicero ( played by paul sorvino )  local mob boss  and gradually climbs up the ladder starting with small errands . after couple of years  together with his best childhood friend tommy de vito ( played by joe pesci )  he joins the crew of expert thieves led by jimmy conway ( played by robert de niro ) . three of them spend years as best friends and associates  gathering enormous wealth from their criminal enterprises that would culminate with one of the most spectacular robberies in american history . wealth  influence and privileges of men connected with mafia are enough for henry hill to seduce his future wife karen ( played by lorraine bracco )  who would afterwards remain loyal to her husband despite infidelities  domestic abuse  arrests and would even be accomplice to his own private drug dealing business . but the perfect world of " wiseguys " gradually begins to fall apart - tommy ', s unpredictable outbursts of homicidal violence  jimmy ', s reluctance to share his part of the loot with partners and  finally  henry ', s own drug habit would lead to his downfall and make him question his loyalty to the friends . goodfellas is an excellent example of a film that represents work of a film genius in his full glory . scorsese managed to create a vision which is effective and complete despite being full of contradictions that would ripped the film apart in the hands of less talented filmmaker . world depicted in this film is both ordinary and fascinating . scorsese spares no effort to show us all the violence  hypocrisy and inherent paranoia of organised crime  yet it manages to make it both seductive and funny . after being exposed to two and half hours of the film and three decades of criminal history ( based on some notorious real life events )  the audience understands why the characters chose such dangerous life paths  trading the superficial and short - lasting glamour and prosperity of a criminal to the dullness and poverty of honest citizens . scorsese also manages to break viewer ', s moralistic inhibitions by showing truly revolting material - scenes that depict personal tragedies  broken homes  human depravity  violence  bloodshed and murder - in all their uncompromising reality  but in a manner that would make it amusing and funny to the audience . with the use of ironic soundtrack  manipulative shots  character ', s dialogue or narrator ', s commentary  goodfellas represents the new standards of black humour that would became very popular few years later during tarantino era . even if we don ', t pay attention to skills with which potentially disturbing material becomes eye pleasing and entertaining  we should admit that scorsese displays his talents of truly original and creative filmmaker . first  we might notice unusual structure of the plot - relatively minor subplot is used as movie ', s ironic prologue . then  instead of single narrator  scorsese switches to the second character as narrator in the middle of the film only to switch back to the original shortly afterwards . this multiple points of views  both in terms of narration and various subjective shots  only lengthens the ironic distance towards characters and their situation . same ironic distance comes with extremely effective choice of soundtrack . nostalgia for good old times is illustrated with easy - listening 1950s pop songs  while depression  paranoia and bad times find their expression in more neurotic rock songs of late 1960s and 1970s . but the soundtrack is most effective when it is used as ironic comment - almost pastoral  easy listening tunes make strong and very ironic contrast to the scenes of violence and bloodshed . however  thing most associated with this film is couple of continuos shots that feature characters moving through large rooms and interacting with dozens if not hundreds of people . such scenes  although they require very great skill and patience during their shootings  became very popular among other directors in 1990s . fragmentary character of the screenplay  which doesn ', t have straight plot and instead bases film on series of loosely connected vignettes  gives another interesting opportunity for scorsese . he uses this structure of film to experiment  and most successful of such experiments is hilarious " a day in life " segment near the end of the film . another essential element of goodfellas is large but superb collection of great acting talents . the most respectable among them is robert de niro  but his character  who happen to be most quiet and business - like member of criminal trio  gets overshadowed by two of his friends and colleagues . joe pesci deserved his " oscar " for supporting role of homicidal psychopath tommy  and his lines  including ad - libs  probably represent the most memorable element of the film . ray liotta  although equally talented  perhaps doesn ', t look as the best choice for narrator and nominal hero of the film . liotta ', s henry hill looks somewhat too hollywoodised and glamorous among this bunch of low - level street thugs . liotta  on the other hand  improves general impression by very realistic and menacing portrayal of drug addiction . lorraine bracco is  on the other hand  very effective and believable as karen hill  wife who gradually descends into same moral cesspool as her husband . paul sorvino is also very effective as patriarch mafioso  and among the supporting cast most memorable is chuck low as pestering small - time gangster who unknowingly digs his own grave . as a combination of clever sociological study  black humour and innovative filmmaking goodfellas became something only the truly great films could do - work of art and excellent popular entertainment in the same time . because of this achievement  and also because of the great influence on future filmmakers  this cinematic gem deserves its rightful place among the best films of 1990s .
pos " the blair witch project " was perhaps one of a kind  a unique film that played completely on its own merit  managing to scare even the most experienced horror fans out of their senses . its success made a sequel inevitable  but this is not the sequel  i suspect  anyone much wanted . after the release of " the blair witch project "  tourists have practically invaded the small town of burkettsville  in order to get a glimpse of the blair witch . locals have turned this mass hysteria into a great business opportunity  selling twig - sculptures  stones and dirt like those in the movie  and the exasperated local sheriff patrols the woods with a bullhorn  shouting  " get out of these woods and go home ! there is no goddamned blair witch ! " . jeff ( ) is one of those people  who has used the sudden popularity of the small town to his advantage . after he got released from the mental institution  he created a mobile business that attracts thousands of customers through the internet . as the movie starts he is leading one of these groups into the woods  on the " blair witch hunt " . among the five strangers is stephen and his girlfriend  the pregnant tristen  who are writing a book on the hysteria caused by the film called " the blair witch : history or hysteria ? "  and kim  who dresses in black and has some psychic powers . the last member of the crew is erica  a young beautiful witch - wannabe  who constantly quotes from the wiccan lore  saying " the first rule of wicca is  do no harm  because whatever you do will come back to you threefold . " this strange group plunges into the woods  where they begin to argue about their different approaches to the experience . on the very first night that they decide to spend under the stars amidst the ruins of parr ', s abandoned house  strange things start happening . when they wake up their equipment is gone and only the tapes remain . after a while they discover strange markings on their bodies . they are somehow lost in time  as it loops uncontrollably back and forth . they are all haunted by hallucinations and horrible nightmares and soon they can not see the difference between dreams and reality . the only thing that they are sure of is that they have brought something or someone with them from the woods . . documentary director joe berlinger ( " paradice lost " ) helms " blair witch 2 "  leaving the creators of the first film ( dan myrick and ed sanches ) in the background . the opening scenes -- the documentary showing the townspeople affected by the first film -- is a more promising approach  because instead of trying to cover similar ground  it goes outside the first film and makes its own stand . but soon the movie gets confused and sidetracked by its own story  that is never resolved and ends with a very anticlimaxic epilogue . in a way  this is a typical hollywood sequel . more money has been spent and more people have worked on a project that was doomed to fail . the horror and suspense of the original simply could not be repeated . of course in these situations  quantity is more important than quality and profit is more important than the artistical values . from its opening scenes when the camera gracefully panes over the bloody - red forest  with carter burwell ', s ( " being john malkovich " and " fargo " ) musical score in the background  you realize that with the exception of its title  this film has absolutely nothing to do with " the blair witch project " . " blair witch . . " was filmed by handheld videocameras and nfeatured acting that was mostly based on improvisation . in the sequel the technical aspect of the film is close to perfection  creating a completely different atmosphere . with its graceful cinematography  production design and flashy editing  the film has a very polished look  which is impossible to associate with the first installment . and though berlinger directs his film with an energy and pace that makes the adrenaline rush through the body a couple of times  he has obviously misunderstood the nature of his predecessor . the key is simplicity . " blair witch project " had a story which was incredibly simple . that allowed the audience to fill the gaps with our own imagination . the film was practically an empty screen  on which we projected our most frightening nightmares . the effect was incredibly powerful  lasting and entir e everyone  but in a different way . " book of shadows " feels incredibly controlled and restrict . here  very little is left to our imagination and the story is so complex and " clever " that the screenwriters are the first to get lost in it . there is is no book of shadows and no conclusion that we can be satisfied with . this is simply a less artistic film that doesn ', t have the talent and originality of its predecessor . it resorts to fancy cinematography and special effects to create the right effect and doesn ', t always succeed . but most importantly : it stands on its own ground and has almost no connection with the first movie  which doesn ', t allow it to destroy the original . in the end  i can ', t call it a bad effort . it ', s less artistic  not so scary and less original  but certainly not bad . it ', s simply different . in fact  if you haven ', t seen " the blair witch project "  you might like this film for what it is -- a cross between " the blair witch project " and the " scream " - films . the only element that remains constant and similar between the two films is the solid acting ( jeffrey donovan and tristine skyler should be mentioned ) and incredible sense of surrealism . but it ', s a common knowledge and experience that  with a few exceptions  every movie sequel is worse than the original and some are even not worth making . to me the story of " the blair witch project " seemed completed  but there are obviously no limits to commercial success that " the book of shadows " is certainly assured . and it ', s already time to look forward to " blair witch 3 " .
pos seen may 31  1999 on home video ( rented ) . one of the best things about the movies is that they can make you really start to wonder and analyze things in your own  everyday life that you might not have thought much of otherwise . with some films it might be just a secondary issue  but with ` dark city ', what we get is nearly an entire film committed to philosophizing and theorizing about human memory and how it defines who we are  which is a poignant theme made through an absolutely beautifully - constructed film with the kind of story and setting that could only happen in a movie . there ', s an old role - playing computer game called ` d ? ja v ? ', wherein the player takes on the role of a man who can ', t remember who he is  where he is and how he got there . the goal is to gather as many clues as possible to figure that out and along the way overcome a conflict . the premise to this film is not unlike that game  only this time we don ', t have control over the protagonist . we begin by meeting a seemingly ordinary man living in an extremely dark and dirty city ( actually  it ', s more than just the city  it ', s the whole reality ) that isn ', t just that neo - gothic look ( a la ` batman  ', ` blade runner  ', )  but is so fully developed it ', s almost a different genre completely . later he will learn that his name is john murdoch ( sewell )  but for now he has no idea what ', s going on other than the fact something is not right . the fact there ', s a dead body in the corner goes to enhance the feeling of paranoia and a mysterious  hurried call telling him to leave immediately is also very chilling . this opening scene alone goes a long way to define the setting of the film and its bizarre  horrific tone . the man doesn ', t know who he is nor where he ', s going and it ', s interesting to follow him since we the viewers have no idea either we can sympathize and identify with him . in fact  this is the way all stories begin since it ', s impossible to know the history of a character  their feelings  values  morals  etc . until after we ', ve observed them for a while . but in this case  the total feeling of amnesia is an excellent tool towards characterization  developing the mood and outlining the story . eventually  some semblance of a plot begins to unfold as it appears that john is a serial killer wanted by the police . we met inspector frank bumstead ( hurt )  a quiet  unemotional  soft - spoken deadpan man who appears to have been on the trail of the killer for some time . two other important characters are also introduced : dr . daniel p . schreber ( sutherland )  a neurotic psychiatrist who claims to be john ', s doctor ; and emma murdoch ( connelly )  a jazz singer dolled up to look like a caraciture right out of the old dick tracy serials or any given leading lady of the old film - noir movies . it was schreber who contacted john for reasons that are continually revealed throughout the course of the film . he also contacts emma  which further helps the film reveal what is seemingly a complex  mysterious back story . but absolutely nothing is as it appears to be in ` dark city  ', which is what makes it so fascinating throughout its continual scenes of confusion and vertigo . everything the filmmakers want us to see has some significance - considering how intricate the detail is to every single shot  its lighting  art direction and overall production design  they don ', t seem to be able to afford any gratuities . however  that might also be what ', s keeping it from reaching its maximum potential . by continuing to follow john as he wanders around this strange place  so much unlike the real world we know  we come to realize that it ', s all a hoax . everyone in the city is the subject of an experiment being conducted by a race of aliens to understand what makes humans tick in their efforts to somehow save themselves from extinction . but  as the film ', s tagline says  ` last night  one of us went off . ', for reasons that are never clearly explained  it appears that john possesses telekinetic powers to can do pretty much whatever his mind can conceive ( a process known as ` tuning ', ) . the aliens  which look like very old bald human men with pasty skin  also possess the power en masse and use it to change the city every night at midnight . at the same time all the humans fall asleep and after the changes are made  they awake and either continue where they left off or begin a new life they have no idea they did not have until then . this premise certainly is interesting and director and co - screenwriter alex proyas is able to keep the film consistently mysterious in this regard . he does provide some explanations such as that dr . schreber is an assistant to ` the strangers ', because he somehow could synthesize memory into chemical form . the aliens mix and match the memories of the city ', s population to see who will change and who will not . in the process this creates for a good deal of deep  thought - provoking philosophies that could be applied to the real world . however  where the film errs is by not playing up the idea of memory versus the human heart as to what makes a person who he or she is . the main characters are all closely intertwined within the seemingly complex murder mystery which never actually happened  yet when they start to go through some of the expected emotions it comes off as distant  static and cold ( mediocre performances by hurt and connelly don ', t help either ) . for example  john realizes emma is not and probably never was his wife so he does not feel an emotional bond to her  yet in some scenes crucial to the film ', s plot  we are expected to believe they do have a genuine love for each other  which is also part of the film ', s climax and ending . and that ', s what proyas seems to be inferring with the film  but never quite manages to convey in its fullest sense . ironically  this is what made his first film ` the crow ', work so well  which had a similar theme of struggling to find hope and the human spirit within a nearly identical  dark twisted world . with ` dark city ', the messenger seems to be mistaken for the message . still  the film is by no means bad and is consistently entertaining and enjoyable . there ', s a lot to like here  most notably the sheer visual look and style of it all which accounts for at least half the reasons the film is able to tell the story it does . the story as a whole is one of the most original to come out of hollywood in years . ` dark city ', is what the movies are all about - the escape from the real world .
pos linda fiorentino disappeared off the radar after a deservedly heralded turn in the cable pic the last seduction  and her being cast as dogma ', s lead is nothing short of inexplicable . she ', s still in fine form as bethany  an abortion clinic worker who ', s lost her faith . one night  a visitor from heaven makes a fiery entrance in bethany ', s bedroom . he is metatron ( alan rickman )  the voice of god  and he needs her help : she must stop two fallen angels from entering a new jersey church - the fate of the universe depends on it . god would do it him / herself  but he / she is . . . missing  having taken up human form somewhere on earth never to be heard from again . bethany is joined on her road trip to the garden state by the " prophets " jay ( jason mewes ) and silent bob ( kevin smith  doing double - duty )  the slacker minstrels who have appeared in all of smith ', s films thus far . at some point  rock drops naked out of the sky as rufus  the undocumented ( and very black ) " thirteenth apostle "  and offers his assistance  as does divine stripper serendipity ( salma hayek ) . it ', s a wild ride . they ', re in pursuit of loki and bartleby ( damon and affleck  respectively - this is probably the sharpest either has ever been )  who were banished from heaven to wisconsin and have discovered a dogmatic loophole that will enable their return . loki decides to wreak havoc along the way with the knowledge that his sins will be absolved at the pearly gates . at one point  he terrorizes a boardroom full of suits with an angry combination of words and bullets . it ', s a nasty  guiltily enjoyable little scene that asks  " how corrupt are you ? " . wings of desire this ain ', t . since debuting with clerks  smith has grown as a director  particularly in terms of working with actors . ( chris rock is this film ', s only weak link - between jokes  he ', s wooden . ) his no - frills visual style hasn ', t changed much over the years  though ( dogma ', s widescreen compositions at least have blockbuster affectations )  nor has his writing - his characters still sit around delivering one caustic  hilarious speech after another . dogma chips away at big religious issues - namely  the hypocrisy that accompanies any organized system of beliefs - eloquently and articulately  but a few of the monologues sound too much like blatant exposition . as well  the verbal introduction of each new person seems to take forever . any movie with this much weighty talk would have a hard time maintaining momentum ( hurlyburly  anyone ? )  and eventually dogma ', s pacing goes slack . a long diatribe from bartleby late in the game  in which he laments the destiny of celestial beings  comes at a point when we ', ve heard enough . because his change of heart ( bartleby is initially the good cop to loki ', s bad ) drives the climax  said rant is given a great deal of screen time . sure  affleck deserved a big moment ( damon steals their scenes together prior )  but it ultimately makes the film and us feel bloated . like tarantino  smith was a video - age sponge who became a sample - mad indie filmmaker . dogma pays welcome homage to an eclectic batch of movies  including indiana jones and the last crusade  with silent bob doing his best harrison ford  and weird science - a shit demon attacks our heroes ! smith also has a kitchen sink brand of humour : his dexterous maneuvering between the satirical ( a cardinal played by george carlin attempts to mount a publicity campaign with the slogan " catholicism wow ! " ) and the scatalogical ensures that no lover of comedy will leave dogma feeling malnourished . i bust ( ed ? ) a gut on several occasions . proceedings also get off on the right foot with the opening with the funniest disclaimer ever . it ', s a disclaimer unlikely to put protestors at ease  for to read it  one actually has to see dogma . the prerelease ballyhoo is in the tradition of the last temptation of christ ', s  martin scorsese ', s 1988 adaptation of nikos kazantzakis ', controversial novel  in that it is not directly linked to the picture ', s content but to rumours and heresy . there ', s a famous anecdote about fletch director michael ritchie inviting picketers of the last temptation of christ into a screening on his dime  just so they could know for certain what they were rallying against . ( not one of them had watched it . ) every single person refused . smith and scorsese have a lot in common  and so do the two films in question  because both smith ', s bethany and scorsese ', s jesus are hollow shells without their faith . in fact  dogma ', s denouement ( which follows a thrilling showdown that ', s worth the wait ) is a catholic love - in  a veritable recruitment poster . ( i felt sentimental about a religion i don ', t belong to . now that ', s powerful filmmaking . ) smith is nothing if not sincere about his own devotion to god  and that spirituality shines through . it ', s enough to make me forgive dogma for its editorial sins . my religion is movies . when the catholic league beats on dogma for imaginary crimes against a doctrine  in a roundabout way they ', re attacking what i live for : freedom of expression through celluloid . i therefore feel that  although i ', m no bible - thumper  i ', m at least as qualified to criticize dogma as william donohue and his followers .
pos you ', ve heard all the hype . you ', ve seen all their faces - natalie portman ( the professional ) as queen amidala  liam neeson ( schindler ', s list ) as qui - gon jinn  ewan mcgregor ( trainspotting ) as obi - wan kenobi  and jake lloyd ( jingle all the way ) as young anakin skywalker . if you ', ve read any reviews  you ', ve also probably heard that this movie fails to live up to the magic and humanity of the first trilogy . you also may have heard that this one ', s too kiddie - friendly  and doesn ', t have enough content for adults . believe the hype . the effects are stunning  the digitalized creatures are amazingly realistic  the lightsaber duels are amazing  and queen amidala ', s sumptuous robes are fit to be worn by queen elizabeth . but there ', s something missing here  and it isn ', t budget or effects - it ', s everything money * can ', t * buy . the actors struggle as best they can to flesh out broad - stroked and flat characters . the most successful at this is liam neeson who  as qui - gon jinn  a jedi master to young obi - wan kenobi  has quiet dignity and a wise  commanding presence . he is the anchor to this movie  as he is the one character who george lucas apparently spent some time fleshing out . portman ', s queen amidala and mcgregor ', s obi - wan kenobi don ', t fare nearly so well . amidala  the future mother of luke and leia and the queen of a peaceful planet being invaded by the trade federation ( ? ! ? )  comes off as stoic  stilted and caricatured ( it appears as though she was a vulcan geisha in a former life ) . and obi - wan  although mcgregor makes him very endearing  has so little screen time that he ', s nothing but a robin to qui - gon jinn ', s batman . however  mcgregor does struggle manfully to infuse this surprisingly small supporting role with a spark of genuine insight and humanity  and he does a good job . he also absolutely nails alec guiness ', ( obi - wan in episode 4 - 6 ) scottish accent  and that really makes his presence in the film more profound than it might have been otherwise . in fact  lucas seems to bank on that preexisting knowledge quite a bit  and that ', s one of the problems with this film . i would never call myself a " star wars " fan - especially not considering what it means to be a fanatic these days - but i ', ve always enjoyed the films along with everyone else in america . however  if you are the one person in america who * hasn ', t * seen the films at all or even recently  or who doesn ', t bother to brush - up on the names of obscure characters  you may be hopelessly lost . for example  one of the film ', s main ( nefarious ) characters is senator palpatine . for those of you not recently steeped in " star wars " trivia  emperor palpatine is that scary hooded apparition who was darth vader ', s master in " return of the jedi " and " empire strikes back . " so  obviously  his appearance in " phantom menace " is meant to stir some echoes of his later role in the series  thus making his role here more meaningful . a lot of the movie is like that . r2 - d2 and c - 3po make token appearances  and it ', s obvious that lucas is banking on the audience ', s pre - existing fondness for them . . . because he doesn ', t do much to add to it in any way . same goes for jabba the hutt  who doesn ', t look as much mean here as he does corpulent and lazy . even * planets * make foreshadowing guest appearances in this film - tatooine ( the desert world where luke grew up )  coruscant ( the cloud city from " empire strikes back " )  and alderaan ( leia ', s home planet - which we never actually see - that gets blown up in " star wars " ) show up or are mentioned briefly in passing . what ', s the result of tying so many plot points and characters to future films ? the answer is that this one seems surprisingly empty . there ', s no meat - no substance - that makes you want to love the characters as they are  not as they will be . another problem is that there are actually * too many * alien characters in the film . i was distracted by the fact that two of the main evil characters - strange looking aliens who looked like gila monsters - had mouths that barely moved  making them look more like muppets than actual characters . and jar jar binks  a silly roger rabbitish amphibious character  is intended as comic relief  but what he really becomes is annoying - and fast . unlike chewbacca and c - 3po  who got their humanity ( if you ', ll pardon the expression ) from their interactions with the human characters  jar jar is often left to interact mostly with others of his kind  at times making the movie seem like nothing more than a very expensive " teenage mutant ninja turtles . " furthermore  the dialogue is often stilted and corny  and sometimes downright infantile  thereby rendering some characters into nothing more than bystanders to the plot . oddly  this isn ', t just * my * judgment - lucas has said that he designed this film for kids . well  he ', s done a good job . the hero of this film  of course  is young anakin  but it was very hard for me to feel any kinship or identify with an eight - year - old boy . that ', s not jake lloyd ', s fault  though - he does a good job of being a cute kid  which is apparently all lucas asked of him . that ', s another mistake  of course  because the cute tyke becomes darth vader . warning : spoilers ahead ! ! ! ! in my opinion  there was not nearly enough foreshadowing of anakin ', s future evil in the film . the boy is all blond flowing hair and rosy cheeks  and there ', s nothing more than a spark of aggression in him throughout the entire movie . he has a doting mother ( pernilla august  making her first english - language film ) and is a slave to a gross flying gnome on tatooine . but the only indication the audience gets that this kid isn ', t all hearts and roses is yoda ', s hesitation in allowing him to train as a jedi under qui - gon jinn . his explanation ? " his future is clouded . " ( warning : major spoiler ahead . enter at your own risk . ) of course  the noble qui - gon dies at the hand of darth maul  a scary - looking sith lord who excels at the jedi arts  but has turned to the dark side . this dude has maybe two lines in the entire movie  but he establishes his presence through his amazing moves with his double - sided lightsaber  and his scary facial makeup . because qui - gon never gets a chance to train the young anakin in the ways of the force  obi - wan  qui - gon ', s young padawan apprentice ( one level below knightdom )  must take over the training himself . so  at the end of the movie  we end where the saga actually begins - with obi - wan kenobi and his young apprentice  anakin " darth vader " skywalker . did this story need to be told ? i would say no . but is it a worthwhile movie to see ? absolutely . if you don ', t enter the theater with jedi - size expectations  and you simply want to be treated to an enjoyable visual spectacle  then this is your movie . the tatooine pod races are a triumph of effects and computer animation . the digitalized backgrounds on some of the planets are an astonishing sight . and yoda and young obi - wan are worth seeing for their origins in a simpler  happier time . above all  this is a fun movie . not deep  not meaningful  and not profound . but fun . maybe next time  lucas will hire lawrence kasdan to co - write the script  and the guy who directed " empire " will direct . because if lucas does the next one himself  it will be lacking the one thing it needs the most - potential . : )
pos as african american detective vergil tibbs questions a suspected white murderer inside a jail cell  there is a wonderful  eye - catching shot which instantaneously presents the main message of the entire film . the shot has tibbs ', face completely covered by the shadows of the prison bars . to see these bars blocking his face  we see how separated tibbs is from the rest of the characters in the film . as a black detective conducting an investigation in a southern town full of violent white bigots  no matter how innocent tibbs is  he is still seen by these bigots as a threat simply because of the color of his skin . the bars show that tibbs has not been given a fair chance to show exactly who he is  instead others have chosen him as different and dangerous . this one shot amazes me because it captures a whole theme in a matter of seconds . it perhaps may be the most powerful image i have seen in a film . " in the heat of the night " was the first and the best of the three films norman jewison directed concerning racism in america . jewison has a very keen style of displaying various cases of racism as he is neither pedantic nor overly sentimental . in these three films he does an excellent job creating very detailed equal analyses of characters from the abused to the abusers . he is also not afraid to tell the absolute truth about how corrupt society was in the past and is in the present . preceding the very original " a soldier ', s story " and the recently released " the hurricane  " " in the heat of the night contains some classic lines and some very memorable characters . the film  which won best picture in 1967 focuses on vergil tibbs  played superbly by sidney poitier as a fearless african american police officer from philadelphia who refuses to give up on an investigation in a white town where is he not wanted . tibbs is a man who rarely loses his temper and that is worth mentioning because he is constantly facing abuse from those around him . as a hero who is not afraid to face off against five men with chains  tibbs is the perfect protagonist . poitier also gives an excellent  noteworthy voice to his character . never nervous and always commanding  his speech patterns are very manipulative as they range from stentorian to soothing . however  unlike " the hurricane " where denzel washington dominated over the rest of the cast  poitier shares the spotlight with rod steiger  who won best actor for his excellent performance . as a sheriff who helps tibbs and warns him of the dangers around him  steiger shows a great amount of skill in his role . he starts off as racist and blind as the other townspeople . he would refer to tibbs as " boy " and would always suspiciously keep an eye on him . as the film progresses though  there is a very gradual change in the sheriff . he begins to see the hardships tibbs faces and he sees the foolishness of his own neighbors . what i really enjoyed about steiger ', s character was that he did not completely abandon his friends or connect with tibbs at the end of the film . he still could not refer to tibbs as mister tibbs or officer tibbs but rather settled for virgil . instead  it was apparent that he was eventually going to see the world differently in the future . most movies would have a character reversing all of his beliefs and influences in a matter of minutes . this action would not have been realistic at all since it is nearly impossible for someone to believe something one day and believe something else the next day . jewison ', s determination to make this film as realistic as possible is very obvious here and also very appropriate . " in the heat of the night " shows the difference between the north and the south or a major city and a small town in the united states during the 1960 ', s . it displays this perfectly . however  the actual investigation  although it is not the main focus of the film  lacks interest . it seemed rushed especially towards the end as if jewison had given his message about racism and did not feel like giving a credible explanation involving the murder victim . there were way too many characters added during the last fifteen minutes and some of the scenes during this time period were inane ( police officer sam being a suspect was not needed ) . also  it is given that tibbs is a vigilant homicide detective who is the best at what he does  but some of his discoveries came out of nowhere and how he found out some of the important case details towards the end were never answered . the rushed ending was the only mistake of this otherwise memorable jewison classic . ( a congratulations has to be given to actor scott wilson . he managed to be in the two best movies of 1967  " in the heat of the night " and the even better " in cold blood . " )
pos in wonder boys michael douglas plays an aged writer \\ professor with such lived - in naturalism that i believe it may be his best performance . ever since wall street  douglas has spent the greater part of his career playing variations on the shark in a suit gordon gecko character he personified in the mid - 80 ', s . in those performances he tended to exaggerate the vehemence of cutthroat businessmen  with much frothing at the mouth while projecting all his bad intentions to the world . you ', d think such a man would keep his evil wrapped tightly underneath a good - natured veneer  but from gordon gecko to nicholas van orton  douglas played the role straight and out in the open . in wonder boys his performance isn ', t showy or a tour de force  it ', s simple yet truthful . he embodies grady  a craggy old writer with a predilection for pot and pink bathrobes . grady instructs a writers workshop while working tirelessly on a follow up to the novel that put him on the map . when we first encounter this curmudgeon in the midst of his workshop  we hear his sardonic narration on the soundtrack as students bombard one of their own with unfair criticisms . grady points out  in his narration  that they only do so out of jealousy . their target is the very writerly named james leer ( played by the always understated tobey maguire )  a student full of potential and one whom grady develops a mild affection for . leer is the kind of youth who seems to mechanically block out emotions . he speaks in an intellectualized monotone with just a hint of dry wit around the edges . he ', s portentous and gloomy  as if modeling himself after the great depressed writers  though his act is a little too calculated . he reminds me of the self - imposed outcast film director  jim jarmusch ( dead man  ghost dog ) . whenever i happen to catch jarmusch in an interview i see the man speaking in a toneless manner ( the monotonous drawl supposedly masking depth or contempt for his interviewer )  exclusively dressed in black  and with his spiked hair dyed snow white . leer is similar  a guy who equates quirks with depth . tobey maguire fits well in the role . with his round  sweet - eerie face he resembles bud cort from harold and maude . but unlike cort  maguire is easier to warm up to ; he ', s a messed up kid reaching for artistic credibility . katie holmes plays hannah  a beautiful  talented writing student just itching to get in grady ', s pants . this is a plot line i had trouble with . douglas  in his old age  is beginning to resemble jerry springer  a man who has actually paid for sex on numerous documented occasions . at first i found it extremely difficult to believe that someone as beautiful as hannah would desire grady ( maybe it ', s because i ', m jealous  and wish holmes was throwing herself at me  after all i may just be a lowly internet critic but at least i still have all my teeth )  then i think of douglas ', s real life companion  the breathtaking catherine zeta jones . seeing those two together looks a lot like a kidnapping . suddenly my mind has shifted from the task at hand ( that being reviewing this completely wonderful movie ) and i ', m pontificating on why the hell jones would desire douglas . there is a movie in there somewhere . grady  rather chivalrously if you ask me  resists the charms of hannah for sara gaskell ( a droll frances mcdormand )  who is his age  but also married to another professor . okay  maybe not so chivalrous . there is a great line in the film spoken by douglas about sara where he says  " she was a junkie for the printed word . lucky for me i manufactured her drug of choice " . robert downy j . r plays a bisexual editor who makes his entrance with a towering transvestite on his arm . downy has mastered the gleefully dry hyper articulate wit of many a hipster intellectual . he ', s arrogant but completely likeable in his utter arrogance . the actor is perfectly cast here  and remains a joyous movie presence somewhere between a typical tom hanksian comic leading man and edgy character actor . i wish wonder boys had more of him . searching for a plot among the elements of wonder boys would be pointless  for it meanders through its running time  but that ', s part of its charm . and maybe i ', m a bit biased towards the film because it takes place in a haven of literary academia  a place i ', m greatly fond of  and a place rarely explored in american cinema . everyone has a sub - genre ( be it war films  westerns  dance movies ) that they happen to be privy to . i ', m privy to films about literary types i . e . those individuals enthralled by the written word  and if you are not so inclined it may be wise to knock my above grade down about half a notch . the direction by curtis hanson is more akin to a european film with its leisurely pace and situations that grow from the characters  rather than generic mapped out story points . sometimes the dialogue is too clever  but that ', s a problem i wish i found with films more often . another minor quibble is that early on the film seems a bit too introverted  like its characters  but as the story progresses it begins to open up . for me wonder boys works as subtle drama because of its insight into artistic types  and as a low - key comedy for its chuckle - worthy throwaway gags . the gags are like those in the great robert altman ( m * a * s * h  the long goodbye ) movies  where jokes exist as asides on the fringes  like jokes in life often do . the broader comedy such as the killing of a blind dog  and incessant smoking of marijuana isn ', t ineffective but not nearly as memorable as the little things . curtis hanson  who before his last film  la confidential  toiled about with exploitation fare like losin ', it ( an early tom cruise sex comedy ) and the hand the rocks the cradle  has graduated to more meaningful films . he directs wonder boys in an appropriately dour style  the comedy coming from the false gloom his characters put up . the morose crooning of leonard cohen would seem an odd song for the background of any party  but in a wonder boys party  it fits . the film is like a piece of literature put up on the big screen . it ', s the cinematic equivalent to a good read  novelistic in its approach with themes rarely found in american movies . many will find it slight  but i found much to savor among its subtleties .
pos plot : derek zoolander is a male model . he is also very dumb and impressionable . for that reason  he is secretly hired and trained ( so secret  that even he doesn ', t know about it ) by an underground fashion syndicate to assassinate the prime minister of malaysia  who wants to abolish child labor in his country . will zoolander fulfill the dirty deed ? will zoolander ever grace the world his new " look " ? is this a funny movie ? find out below . . . critique : there ', s a place in our world for " stupid comedies " . films which don ', t pretend to take themselves seriously  are based on idiotic premises and filled with dumb jokes . there ', s also a time for them and many would argue that this difficult period of our history  might be an ideal circumstance during which to " relax " by watching something so completely frivolous . well  if you ', re in the mood for some seriously mindless entertainment  ben stiller and his cast of many have assembled one of the more original dumb comedies in some time . of course  comedies as such are usually very subjective and i could see how some will see this film simply as stupid and unfunny  while others will grant them the " stupid "  but consider it funny instead . i personally enjoyed it for the most part  cracked up loudly during a couple of specific sequences and loved the derek zoolander character and the unrestrained whipping they released upon the fashion industry . snap ! it was also nice to see several real - life models with small roles in the movie  not taking themselves too seriously . and if you ', re the type of person who likes celebrity cameos in films  well  don ', t look any further because dozens of famous faces show up here including vince vaughn  billy zane  winona ryder  christian slater  david duchovny  natalie portman and many  many others . i especially liked andy dick ', s complete make - over as the masseuse . hi - larious ! but with all films of this type  there is bound to be some stuff that simply doesn ', t work . a few particulars which didn ', t strike my fancy included the bulimia and " orgy " sequence with christine taylor  the break - dance fighting  and i also never get why they use real countries in plots like this ( why not just " make up " a country  instead of zeroing in on a certain people ? ) . i also could have done with less of the taylor character in general  since she wasn ', t all that interesting and seemed to slow things down every now and then ( more zoolander  dude ! ) . but those few missteps were nothing compared to some of the more memorable scenes which definitely did work for me ! i almost pissed myself during the " gas station " disaster  absolutely adored the " walk - off " contest ( with david bowie as the judge  no less ) and appreciated many of zoolander ', s moronic one - liners ( " i was a merman . . . a merman ! ! " ) . and i dare you to get his " monkey " photo shoot out of your head after seeing this movie ( " you ', re a monkey  derek . . . a monkey ! " ) i also really liked the soundtrack and the pace of the film  both of which zipped and zagged  and established a nice rhythm to it all . again  it ', s to note that this movie is dumb and not for everyone  but my guess is that if you laughed at the trailer  you will likely enjoy many of the quips in the actual picture as well . if you thought the trailer was dumb  skip this dodo bird and go rent austin powers again or something  a film from which there is an obvious influence here . blue steel  baby . . . yeah ! ! ! where ', s joblo coming from ? austin powers ( 7 / 10 ) - austin powers 2 ( 7 / 10 ) - deuce bigalow ( 7 / 10 ) - dude  where ', s my car ( 7 / 10 ) - freddy got fingered ( 5 / 10 ) - jay & silent bob strike back ( 8 / 10 ) - joe dirt ( 5 / 10 ) - meet the parents ( 8 / 10 ) - say it isn ', t so ( 3 / 10 )
pos unzipped is a cinematic portrait of isaac mizrahi  an artist whose palette is fabric . ostensibly  the film is a documentary  but use of that term requires stretching its meaning . many scenes appear staged  and a great deal of cutting - and - pasting has been done in the editing room . the cinema verite effect is a conceit -- genuine spontaneity is at a premium  and everyone is aware of and playing to the camera ( especially would - be actresses like cindy crawford ) . director douglas keeve ( who was mizrahi ', s lover at the time ) freely admits that he " couldn ', t care less about the truth " but was more interested in capturing " the spirit and love in isaac and in fashion . " despite violating nearly every rule of " legitimate " documentary film making  however  unzipped is a remarkably enjoyable piece of entertainment . while it sheds only a little light on the behind - the - scenes world of the fashion industry  it presents a fascinating  if incomplete  picture of designer mizrahi . this man is the perfect subject for this kind of study -- he ', s funny  energetic  and eminently quotable . he has unusual views on just about everything  from fashion ( " it ', s about women not wanting to look like cows " ) to mary tyler moore ( " between her and jackie kennedy  they shaped this country " ) to style ( " it ', s almost impossible to have style nowadays without the right dogs " ) . unzipped also gives a glimpse into the creative process by which mizrahi turns an idea into a dress . it ', s almost certainly different that anyone would imagine . the designer draws on a variety of sources for his look  including nanook of the north and old bette davis movies  then enlists the aid of a ouija board to help form the collection . in particular  unzipped traces mizrahi ', s development of his fall 1994 line from its inception in the spring to the final fashion show  which highlights a number of prominent models  including cindy crawford  naomi campbell  kate bush  and linda evangelista . on the technical side  a number of interesting choices were made in filming unzipped . a variety of film stocks were used : super 8  16 mm black - and - white  and 35 mm color . there is a purpose to this beyond simple artiness -- the stock often serves as an emotional key to the movie  and  during the climactic fashion show  color is used to show the audience ', s perspective  while black - and - white is for the behind - the - scenes sequences . nevertheless  some viewers will be put off by this treatment . while unzipped isn ', t an expose on the fashion industry per se  keeve has enough clips of petulant models to make the viewer realize how tame robert altman was with ready to wear . overall  however  this movie is far more about mizrahi than anything else  and only when viewed from that perspective does unzipped succeed . when the designer declares that " everything is frustrating except designing clothes -- that ', s beautiful and liberating  " it fits perfectly with the image of him that unzipped has constructed .
pos dora ( fernanda montenegro ) sits behind a make - shift desk at rio + s major train station . she  in her colorful demeanor  offers a service that is unheard of in the states . she writes letters for the illiterate  who pass through  to try to find lost relatives  find love  or search after lost debts . she + s quirky  she + s elderly  she + s caring . totally trustworthy  right ? not a chance . once home  she never sends these letters  saving money on postage  and relishing in the drama contained therein with her neighbor irene ( mar ? lia p ? ra ) . one of the letters is sent by a young mother with her nine - year old son  looking for their father . shortly thereafter  she gets hit by a bus  and the son is orphaned . days go by  and the boy  named josu ?  roams around the station  hungry  desperate  and somewhat clueless to his predictament . through a series of circumstances too precious to elaborate upon  dora somehow takes a responsibility in trying to find josu ? + s father . this means leaving the security of rio  traveling to the outskirts of brazil  where unpaved roads  religious devotees and the poverty - stricken become commonplace . films like this remind me as to what i enjoy about some foreign films . it is an opportunity for me to get a fresh breath in another part of the world  so distant from my own . it does so entertainingly  and so heart - wrenchingly . and yet  it + s backdrop is merely that . the focus is on the minute transformation of dora  of how she learns to love this little kid  without being cloying or sentimental . the most interesting backdrop is the amount of religious dedication is in the film . dora being an amoral scam - artist  could care less about the amount of bickering between the candle - lighting of the catholics versus the bumper - sticker mentality of the evangelicals . but neither side is trivialized . she even begins to develop an affection for a non - drinking evangelical  who sees the problems with dora  if not initially . fernanda montenegro surprisingly got an oscar nomination for this very delicate performance  but the true marvel is that of vinicius de oliveira  who plays josu ? . he  like the discoveries of j ? r ? mie renier ( _la promesse_ ) and giorgio cantarini ( _life is beautiful_ )  prove that the true acting discoveries may be outside of the united states . he is a natural  and never once grating . send a memo to jonathan taylor thomas .
pos the event of events is upon us . people have waited twenty - two years for the prequel to star wars and die - hard fans have been camping out at theaters for months to get tickets to see it . i don ', t think that america will ever actually recover from what this hurricane of a film has caused . it is not a bit of an exaggeration to say that this is the most highly anticipated movie in history . anyone who tells you " it ', s just a movie " is either lying or clueless . it is clearly obvious that after the waiting and the hype actually seeing the movie will be anticlimactic . the second coming of the lord could not live up to the kind of buzz ( which is far too weak a word ) that star wars epsode i : the phantom menace so effortlessly generated . but that does not mean that the film itself is bad . in fact  it is terrific . i strongly suspect that many of the people who were dissappointed by it have simply surrendered to the media machine and the inevitable backlash . it is set some decades before the events of the original 1977 star wars took place . the film focuses on the fledgling republic of planets and the conflict that is raging : the trade federation  angry at some tax raise that was recently put in place has invaded the small  peaceful planet of naboo . the republic sent two jedi knights ( people that can actively communicate with what is affectionately known as " the force " )  qui - gon jinn ( liam neeson ) and obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor ) to negotiate . unable to stop the tide of events that was about to occur  the jedi and the queen of naboo ( natalie portman ) escape naboo and head for coruscant to try and get the republic senate to intervene . on the way they get sidetracked to a planet called tatooine  where they meet the movie ', s real focal point  young anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd ) . he is an innocent slave boy  but " the force is strong with him " so qui - gon is determined to take him with them to the jedi counsel and get him trained as a jedi . as any self - respecting star wars fan should know  anakin will grow up to be darth vader and give birth to luke skywalker . > from the beginning it is evident that this is not an actor ', s movie . around 70 % of the characters  if not more  are computer generated in one form or another  and though the effects are seamless  the movie lacks soul . i think that although the computer has played an incredibly instrumental part in moviemaking this decade  cinema should still be a human art and the phantom menace nearly defies this . this is the lightest installment in the star wars saga thus far  with plenty of broad comic relief to go around  much of it courtesy of an irritating knew character named jar - jar binks . he ', s essentially a computer - animated sidekick who says things like " exqueeze me ? " and " mesa go now  okeday ? "  and although it is often amusing it is also inherently annoying . the visual effects are astounding ( although director george lucas often chickens out by cutting away from them ) and the movie is a thrilling triumph . if it lacks in plot and in acting it makes up for it through imagination and excitement . the climactic lightsaber battle ( oh  come on  as if you didn ', t already know )  among other things  is outrageously entertaining and defines the term " popcorn movie " . what made me surrender and give this movie * * * 1 / 2 stars was the score by john williams . even though it does seem like the man scores every single movie that comes out these days  his work here is nothing short of brilliant . his use of opera during the climax really does add a punch and his ingenious way of utilizing the imperial march as a sort of prophecy is chilling . the phantom menace is probably most effective as pop nostalgia . when you see " a long time ago  in a galaxy far  far away "  when the familiar music plays  when the words " star wars " appear on screen  you ', ll feel a tingle even if you didn ', t see the movie when it first came out in ', 77 . it feels oddly exciting to be introduced to young anakin  a boy whose innocence  we know  will be taken away and who will soon cross over to the dark side . it is the perfect example of dramatic irony to see the jedi masters aspire to get him trained in the jedi arts ; we know that it will do more harm than good  but they do not . we not only feel more involved in the story  but we feel like we ', re seeing the beginning of a saga that we have cherished for years . the phantom menace  although lacking in human aspects of the story  is a very worthy installment in the star wars . it works as an action flick  visually eye - popping and often paralyzingly exciting ; it also works as an elicitor of memories  a piece of exquisite nostalgia . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
pos sometimes a movie comes along that falls somewhat askew of the rest . some people call it " original " or " artsy " or " abstract " . some people simply call it " trash " . a life less ordinary is sure to bring about mixed feelings . definitely a generation - x aimed movie  a life less ordinary has everything from claymation to profane angels to a karaoke - based musical dream sequence . whew ! anyone in their 30 ', s or above is probably not going to grasp what can be enjoyed about this film . it ', s somewhat silly  it ', s somewhat outrageous  and it ', s definitely not your typical romance story  but for the right audience  it works . a lot of hype has been surrounding this film due to the fact that it comes to us from the same team that brought us trainspotting . well sorry folks  but i haven ', t seen trainspotting so i can ', t really compare . whether that works in this film ', s favor or not is beyond me . but i do know this : ewan mcgregor  whom i had never had the pleasure of watching  definitely charmed me . he was great ! cameron diaz ', s character was uneven and a bit hard to grasp . the audience may find it difficult to care about her  thus discouraging the hopes of seeing her unite with mcgregor after we are immediately sucked into caring about and identifying with him . misguided ? you bet . loveable ? you bet . a life less ordinary was a delight and even had a bonus for me when i realized it was filmed in my hometown of salt lake city  utah . this was just one more thing i didn ', t know about this movie when i sat down with a five dollar order of nachos and a three dollar coke . maybe not knowing the premise behind this film made for a pleasant surprise  but i think even if i had known  i would have been just as happy . a life less ordinary is quirky  eccentric  and downright charming ! not for everyone  but a definite change of pace for your typical night at the movies .
pos that thing you do ! ( r ) tom hanks ', s screenwriting and directorial debut  that thing you do !  has all the qualities you would associate with the most beloved screen actor of the moment : fun  lively  and oh - so - nice . it is the latter quality  however  that becomes a hindrance  for this ', 60s nostalgia trifle is so nice and sweet that it teeters on becoming bland milquetoast . that thing focuses on the wonders  a teen rock band from erie  pennsylvania that is suddenly thrust into the national spotlight in 1964 when they score a major dance hit called  of course  " that thing you do ! " the group ', s members are  naturally a diverse group : there ', s brooding lead singer and songwriter jimmy ( johnathon schaech ) ; girl - crazy lenny ( steve zahn )  the lead guitarist ; a goofy  geeky type known only as the bass player ( ethan embry ) ; and the film ', s center  guy ( tom everett scott )  the drummer who has aspirations in jazz . along for the wonders ', ride to success is jimmy ', s perpetually neglected galpal  faye ( liv tyler ) . hanks proves to be a capable writer - director  deftly recreating the innocent spirit of 1964  which hanks calls " the last innocent year . " the spirit is not only reflected in the period clothes and settings but also in the music  which  like the other recent period music film  grace of my heart  was expressly written for the film ; hanks himself had a hand in writing four of the tunes -- but not the infectious title cut by adam schlesinger  which is guaranteed to stay in your head long after the end credits have rolled ( it ', s still playing in my mind as i write this ) . it should come as no surprise that hanks the director works well with the actors  eliciting charming  likable work from the entire cast  most notably hanks lookalike scott and tyler  who is remarkable in delivering the film ', s biggest and best dramatic moment . the work of the young ensemble is so natural that they truly convince as teens of the early ', 60s ; they do not appear to be ', 90s grungers playacting " retro . " yet for all the light  frothy charms of that thing you do !  it ', s nearly nice to a fault . while this unbridled innocence in film is a refreshing change from all the sinful cinema around these days  there is not enough conflict to keep things consistently interesting . everyone is so happy  basking in the glow of overnight success  marvelling at it all -- except toward the end  but even then the tone quickly reverts to sweetness  ending on an appropriately feel - good note . there isn ', t much of an edge throughout that thing -- the only thing that is remotely edgy is hanks ', s turn as the wonders ', manager -- and thus becomes in danger of being so nice it ', s bland . but a little niceness goes a long way these days  and there ', s no denying the entertainment value of that thing you do ! ; it ', s just about impossible to hate . it ', s an inoffensive  enjoyable piece of nostalgia that is sure to leave audiences smiling and humming  if not singing  " that thing you do ! " -- quite possibly for days . to paraphrase a passage from the song : though i try and try to forget that song it is just so hard to do every time they play " that thing you do ! "
pos " he ', s back  and it ', s about time . " was the motto for this television series pilot ( i call it a pilot  i don ', t care what fox network says ) revival of the cult classic british tv show  doctor who  that spawned no series  which means there are no smart network execs out there ( not exactly news to a lot of people  i know ) . the motto was well chosen . the series was simple  it was about this time lord scientist called the doctor with thirteen lives who traveled around in a type forty spaceship called a tardis outsmarting all kind of alien baddies  including the evil daleks  and the master  who appears in this feature  played very badly by eric roberts . as good as this revival was  there is something missing from it to make sure it was really doctor who . is it the acting ? hell  no ! paul mcgann is just as good as any of the other seven guys who ', ve played the doctor ( including his predecessor and off - screen friend sylvester mccoy  who appears once more for the regeneration scene ) . he looks right for the role  is a brilliant actor  and slips effortlessly into the role  the way my two favorites jon pertwee and tom baker would . daphne ashbrook brings class to her role as dr . grace holloway  the doctor ', s first companion that he kisses on screen  she is not your typical female companion who screams  and spends her free time making coffee for the doctor  she is a tough  spunky american  and ashbrook shows this well . young yee jee tso shows promise as chang lee  and i ', ve seen him in other stuff in which he usually plays the punk kid who dies at the end ( this film included )  which  imho  wastes his talent . the only problem with the acting is eric roberts . one time he had to say to mcgann ', s doctor  " i always dress for the occasion . " but he broke it up  and said it so slowly that it wounded up sounding like a song lyric  " i always . . . dress . . . for the occasion . " you need an actor less slow and less reliant on moving his hands to act  and who ', s also british  like mcgann is as the doctor . executive producer phil segal said he was casted because fox insisted on having one american star in the role . i dunno who thought of casting him  but if they ', re reading this : news flash : eric roberts is * not * a star ! he rides on his sister ', s coattails  and any hit movie he makes has nothing to do with him . is this problem the kisses to the past ? they have references to the show so subtle that non fans would not notice them  only whovians would  and they ', re good . is it the script or the movie as a whole ? the script is a classy piece of work  featuring a master who can spit slime out of his mouth and nice dialogue  and the movie as a whole is one fans will love  and it is a good stand alone viewing for nonfans to enjoy the series . so what is it ? simple : no plot . the master  on his last legs  sends for the doctor to rescue him after the daleks put him on trial on their planet skaro and exterminate him . the doctor attempts to take his remains back to gallifrey  but they accidentally land in san francisco  1999  december 31  where the master  with young street hood chang lee ', s help  opens the eye of harmony  which will suck the earth through it at midnight if the doctor  with the help of female surgeon  dr . grace holloway  doesn ', t close it by then . virtually no plot . i was told the movie would ', ve featured the daleks on screen and started with more of a courtroom drama between the master and the daleks  but a lot of rewriting went on on the set . that shows how smart people are  as it would have made the movie a hell of a lot more interesting  and that would ', ve gotten a four star rating out of me .
pos dreamworks pictures presents a jinks / cohen company production kevin spacey annette bening " american beauty " thora birch allison janney peter gallagher mena suvari wes bentley and chris cooper co - producers stan wlodkowski alan ball music by thomas newman costume designer julie weiss film editor tariq anway chris greenbury production designer naomi shohan director of photography conrad l . hall  a . s . c . produced by bruce cohen & dan jinks written by alan ball directed by sam mendes " both my wife and daughter think i ', m this gigantic loser . and they ', re right . i have lost something . i didn ', t always feel this sedated . " with that piece of dialogue  we are fully introduced to lester burnham ( kevin spacey )  a 42 year old man trapped within his own life . lester works for an advertising agency . his growing dissatisfaction with his job is only one of the mid - life crisis he is suffering . estranged from both his wife and his daughter  lester starts to crack under the stress . his life becomes nothing more than a series of mastubatory fantasies  and sullen apathy . carolyn burnham ( annette bening )  is the prototypical career woman / homemaker . she carefully tends her rose garden  decorates her home with the best furnishings . but inside she is desperate . unsuccessful at her profession as a real estate agent  she drives herself into states of denial and self loathing that only feed her growing resentment towards her family . the third member of this anti - family is jane burnham ( thora birch )  lester and carolyn ', s daughter . a young girl going through the typical stages of adolescence  but having to also come to terms with her families growing dysfunction . this funny ( and frightening ) slice of life is refreshingly simple . not one character is given less than is needed to identify him or her . some of the most telling characters are those that serve to highlight other characters . most notably is barbara fitts ( allison janney )  the almost catatonic wife of retired marine colonel fitts . she has almost no dialogue  and seems to be either recovering from a stroke or suffering from one . colonel fitts ( chris cooper ) is an angry and frightened man . his rage directed almost singularly at his son  ricky ( wes bentley ) who has just moved with his family to the same neighborhood as the burnham ', s . in fact they are the next door neighbors . anymore detail into the personalities of these marvelously diverse characters would deprive one of the many pleasures and surprises to be had in " american beauty " . alan ball  who was the co - executive producer of the hit tv series " cybil " and creator of the new sitcom " oh grow up "  has fashioned one of the most insightful and expertly tuned screenplays to have hit the screen in the past ten years . not one character in this film rings falsely . and the depth of personality in each  is achingly honest and insightful . the plot detailing the last year in the life of a man as he tries to find his own self worth is so resoundingly cliched and at the same time original as to bring to mind such marvelous film work as " the graduate " or " lolita " . kevin spacey turns in one of this years most pragmatic performances . his lester burnham is an everyman caught up in the middle of a life that is spiraling into old age . finally unable to deal with the lost soul that he has become  lester tries to return to his youth . he quits his job ( actually blackmailing his employer for one year ', s salary )  starts smoking pot  fantasizes about his daughter ', s girlfriend angela ( mena suvari  in a marvelous performance here )  starts working out  and finally takes a job at the local fast food outlet . mr . spacey ', s performance is so remarkably subtle and ingenuous  that we can be certain that come oscar ? time  we can be assured to see him name among the five nominees . annette bening also turns in what may be the best performance of her career . carolyn burnham is a woman who has become so insecure as to be caught up in maintaining the facade of normalcy . unable to cope with her growing disillusionment  she forces herself to maintain her demeanor  driving her further and further into desperation  adultery and possibly murder . ms . bening makes the character of carolyn so compelling as to be identifiable to almost anyone . the slow and methodical turn from happy home maker to charnel house martha stewart is too frightening to express in words . thora birch holds her own against the talents cast with her . jane burnham is both an innocent girl caught up in what is a dysfunctional family  and a rebellious child ready to abandon them at any moment . her growing distrust and isolation from her family is something that many parents should view as a warning . she is the prototypical trophy child . when carolyn praises her daughter after a performance by her cheerleading team ( " i ', m so proud of you  honey . you didn ', t screw up once ! " )  the bitterness and resentment are palpable . thora birch is a young actress to watch . praise must also go to chris cooper who brings yet another angry father role to life with depth and resonance . colonel finn is a man in complete denial . his military upbringing masking a desire he is too repulsed to even comprehend . wes bentley as ricky finn is fine as the enigma . the boy next door who may be more foe than friend . a deceitful and calculating young man  whose voyeuristic proclivities mask a deeper and more profound understanding of life than any of the adults around him . mr . bentley ', s performance is the one troublesome note in the film . that is simply because the character is such a grand and complete liar  that one almost faults the performance for it . director sam mendes handles all of the particulars of the cast and the settings with a sure and composed style that is neither intrusive nor subtle . scenes of carolyn walking through the rain  carry an ominous fission that calls attention to the emotions of the character . the subtle cinematography by conrad hall is wonderful  capturing the season in all of it ', s harsh beauty ( fall has never looked so inviting  yet depressing ) . every nuance of " american beauty " begs it ', s audience to think and examine . it is a film that will be discussed and debated for years to come . and well it should  as it is simply one of this years best .
pos will hunting ( matt damon ) is a natural genius . for a movie character  that ', s usually a death sentence . it ', s a trait associated with what my brother calls " too good for this world " movies  like phenomenon or powder . forgive me for spoiling the ending  but will doesn ', t die . this is no formula movie . in fact  it ', s quite fresh and original . it ', s a character study more than anything  and that ', s not surprising  considering it was written by two actors : damon and co - star ben affleck . will works whatever kind of job he can get . first he ', s a janitor  then he works construction . off - screen he speed reads books on any academic subject that interests him . on - screen he hangs out with his friends  picking fights in robust  romanticized - hemingway fashion . lambeau ( stellan skarsgard from breaking the waves )  a math professor  learns that the janitor ( will ) is a genius with a special talent for advanced mathematics . having confirmed he ', s not a fluke or a savant  he does what he can to get will into the education system . he is firmly rejected . finally  will lands in jail for one of his fights . lambeau can get him probation instead of prison time as long as will agrees to therapy sessions and to discussing mathematics with him . will ( barely ) decides to go for the therapy over prison . lambeau treats will like a son . he ', s proud of  and amazed by  will ', s accomplishments in mathematics . he encourages will and tries to give him structure  knowing that  with a little discipline  he could be bigger than einstein . will isn ', t really interested in academia . he knows he would be the best in his field  and therefore spend all of his time in an office  explaining math to people like lambeau . he would rather work construction  which breaks lambeau ', s heart . meanwhile  will attends his mandated therapy sessions . it ', s not long before he shreds all the therapists on lambeau ', s " a " list . will has read enough psychology to know the tricks of the trade  and how to keep them from affecting him . shrink after shrink refuses to return after will ', s mockery . lambeau ', s last hope is his old college roommate  now a psychology teacher at a small - time community college . knowing that will is going to try to shred him too  sean ( robin williams ) agrees to take him on as a favor to lambeau and for the chance to meet this next einstein . true to form  will finds sean ', s emotional weakness and attacks . but unlike the other shrinks  sean knows what he is in for and continues the sessions . like a foster mother with a fussy child  sean knows that the attacks are defensive and is able to take them in stride . like the foster mother  sean knows that time and quiet patience is the only approach . robin williams is excellent in this role . he ', s not an actor with a great range  but in the right roles he has great depth . in this movie  as in awakenings  there comes a point when the quiet  shy man accomplishes something of great personal importance  and a smile of pure joy spreads up to his eyes . williams is the only actor i can name who can make an audience cry just by smiling . i have compared will to a foster child and that ', s not entirely fair . emotionally  he has a lot to learn  but he is not a child . he has thought about his life and made rational decisions about what he wants . sean  his girlfriend  his pals  and lambeau all help him grow  but he didn ', t start out asking for  or particularly needing  help . his exceptional gift singled him out  and those who love him kept pushing him in the right direction . if i had to say anything bad about good will hunting is that it walks the line between drama and melodrama . it ', s too sentimental and uplifiting for a straight drama  but the emotions are too subtle for melodrama . it is emotionally engaging  but it ', s not quite larger than life . this isn ', t a problem per se  but at times i didn ', t know quite how to take it . but this is a relatively small complaint about a very good movie . a good movie allows its characters to learn and grow . it doesn ', t just happen ; it takes a good script  good acting  and good direction . good will hunting has all three . if you are at all inclined to see it  by all means  go .
pos if there ', s one thing in common about all of hollywood ', s major studios  it ', s that their productions are moving toward mainstream more and more . although twentieth century fox and new line cinema have spawned subsidiaries which specialize in independant or controversial motion pictures ( fox searchlight and fine line respectively )  it ', s obvious there ', s no significant movement underway to promote inventive ideas at the theater . so when a movie like gary ross ', pleasantville comes along  wrapped in a blanket of innovative ideas and served up on a platter of fine production  it ', s a welcome change of pace for all who frequent the cineplexes . although the atmosphere and buzz about the movie are cheery and lighthearted  pleasantville should not be mistaken for a no - thought movie . quite the opposite is true  in fact  as director ross skillfully brings a narrative with intense and intelligent undertones to the screen . the story  both about the joys of living life to the fullest as well as the social ills of segregation  captures the essence of statement - making in the cinema . not in recent memory has a movie carried such weight of theme into widescale distribution  and even if mass audiences fail to see the ingenuity of ross ', work  it is still a testament that his picture was considered worthy enough . kudos to both he and his production staff for putting together this fine picture . it stars tobey maguire and reese witherspoon as two nineties teenagers who  through quite a bit of luck  find themselves zapped into a fifties sitcom named " pleasantville . " maguire  as the reserved bud parker  is perfect for the pseudo - world ; but the rebellious mary sue ( witherspoon ) is not at all made for the father - knows - best times . it ', s not long before she sets the town of pleasantville on end  and begins to teach the townspeople - in a quite unlikely way - what life is * really * like . soon hues of color creep into the black and white world  and while some embrace the change in the passion of realism  others fear the strangeness . at one end is a soda shop owner - turned - painter named mr . johnson ( jeff daniels ) and at the other end is a close - minded mayor ( j . t . walsh ) and his chamber of commerce ; but the two sides are simply fronts for a clash of ideas that soon involves the entire town . fine performances are turned in all around . maguire and witherspoon are effective as the leads  but the true complements go out to jeff daniels and j . t . walsh ( in his latest and final posthumous performance ) . daniels brings an atmosphere of awe  inspiration  and hope to his character  whereas walsh simply drips of sinister closemindedness - almost to the point where you can sense gene hackman ', s envy . for daniels  it ', s his most commendable performance of the last three years - or more - and for walsh  it ', s a complementary exclamation point on a fine career . also of lesser note is the supporting role by joan allen  and in viewing the entire cast works well together from start to finish . there ', s not much to dislike about pleasantville  and its dynamic nature makes it the perfect movie for those who want serious as well as those who don ', t .
pos what do you get when you slap together a movie based on a story by the legendary george lucas  directed by virtuoso director steven spielberg  and starring one of the biggest box - office stars in the world  harrison ford ? you get one hot - fudge - rockin ', good time  that ', s what you get ! ! ! plot : professor / archeologist indiana jones sets out to find the long - lost mystical ark of the covenant before the nazis get their grubby fingers hands on it . adventures  snakes  romance and mucho action ensues . critique : astounding movie packed with non - stop action  stunts galore  an interesting story line  great one - liners  a solid cast  a catchy musical score  and all the fun and adventure that you could squeeze into a two - hour thrill ride . if you don ', t enjoy this film  then you just don ', t like action movies  period ! if you ', re young  you ', ll enjoy its humor  its cool action sequences and its gross - out factor at times . if you ', re a little older  you ', ll appreciate the interesting plot line  the romance  and yes  the mountains of adventure . watching this movie made me feel like a kid again  dreaming and fantasizing about fighting the bad guys  travelling to different countries  making the impossible  possible ! harrison ford is perfect as the every - man with the brains of a scientist and the brawn of an outdoors adventurer  and spielberg manages to achieve the ideal balance of action  fun  adventure and humor . now if you really want to have a good time  check into this movie on the same night as its two sequels  rent a jug of iced coke  truckloads of nachos and salsa  an adventure hat and whip  and prepare to gag yourself into a world of action - movie heaven ! little known facts about this film and its stars : this picture was nominated for eight 1981 oscar nominations  including best picture . it lost that award to chariots of fire  but did manage to win for best art direction  best special effects  best film editing and best sound . actor tom selleck was originally cast as indiana jones  but was committed to his hit tv show  " magnum p . i . " . in filming the well of souls sequence  the producers scoured every pet shop in london and the south of england for every snake they could lay their hands on . hence there are snakes that are identifiable from many different geographical areas . however  once all the snakes were on set  it became clear that there were not nearly enough of them  so spielberg had several hoses cut into lengths  and these were used as well . looking closely  you can tell which are the real snakes and which are not . an early draft of the script had indy travelling to shanghai to recover a piece of the staff of ra . during his escape from the museum where it was housed  he sheltered from machine gun fire behind a giant rolling gong . also in the same script  indy and marion flee the chaos caused by the opening of the ark in a wild mine - cart chase sequence . both of these scenes were cut from the script  but ended up in 1984 ', s indiana jones and the temple of doom . this film begins with a shot of a peak in the jungle which is reminiscent of the paramount pictures logo . the same type of opening is present in its sequels . jock ', s airplane at the beginning of the film has the registration number " ob - cpo " . this is a reference to obi - wan and c - 3po from george lucas ', star wars ( 9 . 5 / 10 ) . also  the hieroglyphics in the well of souls include engravings of r2 - d2 and c - 3po . they can be seen on a post to the right of indy and sallah as they remove the ark . the script originally included a long fight between a swordsman and indiana with his whip . as legend has it  actor harrison ford was suffering diarrhea at the time  and asked if the scene could be shortened . spielberg said the only way he could shorten it was if indy pulled out his gun and just shot the guy . the entire crew laughed and that ', s how it was filmed . when indy first falls in the well of souls and is face to face with the cobra  you can see the snake ', s reflection on the glass dividing it and harrison ford  also some fingerprints and stuff like that . when indy is dragging along the ground  hanging onto the nazi soldier ', s truck with the ark inside  you can see the pad that he ', s being dragged on .
pos ` we run tings . tings don ', t run we . ', - sound advice from capone ( paul campbell ) to his squaddie ( or partner )  floyd ( winston bell ) . jamaican film  shot entirely on video  featuring a standard cop movie plot mixed with a dash of john woo - styled brotherhood morals ( and a little gunplay ) . capone  a tough as nails super cop  gets a transfer back to his hometown of kingston after successfully taking down some gangsters that have broken into his home ( while he was with his lady ) and killed his partner in front of him . when he arrives  he discovers that the ghetto where he grew up has gotten worse  thanks mainly to the crime boss wonie ( jamaican film veteran carl bradshaw )  so named because his left hand has been amputated and replaced by a grasping hook ) . capone discovers that wonie has been smuggling guns inside shipments of charity supplies for the area churches and  much to his disappointment  also finds out his childhood friend ratty ( mark danvers ) has been helping him . torn between doing his job and protecting his best friend  capone must make some hard decisions in order to make things right again . directed deftly by first time jamaican filmmaker chris browne ( assistant director for such american films as how stella got her groove back and instinct )  one hardly notices the film was shot on video after a while . shots are handled so efficiently that they quickly take on the nuances of the aforementioned john woo films  although the action isn ', t as hyperkinetic as most of woo ', s films are . the action scenes are handled with a kind of flair though  and eventually begin to take on a life of their own ( beyond the hong kong films that they are obviously patterned after ) . the make - up effects are particularly good in these scenes as well  with flawless squib work on display from the effects team . the cast is superb and listening to their dialogue  spoken with thick jamaican accents ( half of which have to be subtitled because of their extensive use of slang )  just adds to the interest . paul campbell  as the ` loose cannon ', capone  essays his role perfectly  displaying the right amount of menace and compassion at the right times . mark danvers evokes sympathy as ratty  the part - time gun smuggler who is also trying to help the community by building football fields and organizing block parties to bring people together . unfortunately  carl bradshaw is given the least to do and his character as the crime boss seems ineffective ( largely because his underlings seem to run all over him )  but then again  that could be the way his character was intended to be portrayed . the music in the film is composed of all reggae songs  and the soundtrack was produced by grammy award winning artists  sly and robbie ( who have worked with the likes of the rolling stones  maxi priest  bob dylan  james brown  grace jones  herbie hancock  bootsy collins  and carly simon among others ) . the end credit song  ` we run tings ',  by the group red dragon  is pretty decent and carries on the theme of the movie established early on by the quote that opens this review . oddly enough  desmond ballentine ( who plays the character deportee ) is well known as a pioneer in the realm of ` gangsta ', reggae as the performer ninjaman  and he doesn ', t contribute a single song to the film ( that i could see )  which is virtually unheard of here in the us . at the time of this writing  third world cop has been put into limited theatrical release in the us  coming off of a six - month box - office breaking run in jamaica  where it holds the position as highest grossing film of all time ( bringing in $ 21 million in jamaica  which is roughly $ 500  000 us ) . palm pictures ( the company that released the offbeat  but entertaining six - string samurai ) is the company releasing the film and considering that their main focus is the dvd market  i can imagine that a disc will be available once the film has left theaters . chris blackwell  founder of palm pictures  was also involved in the production of another jamaican box - office smash in 1981 entitled countryman  so i ', d say he has a pretty good track record . overall  third world cop is a pretty entertaining homage to the films of john woo  ringo lam  tsui hark  and many other action films by directors from hong kong . if action films are your thing and you don ', t mind intermittent subtitles  then you can ', t go wrong with this film . the performances and the story are solid ( if only a little cliched ) and the action is tight . i ', m not sure what the other jamaican films released in that country are like  but apparently third world cop ', s honors are well deserved .
pos at first glance  it appears that the home alone movies are brainless slapstick intended for those with minds of 8 - year olds . that ', s true of home alone 2 and i ', d bet money that it ', s true of home alone 3 ( opening soon ) . but home alone actually has a lot going for it  and the cartoon slapstick doesn ', t get in the way . the mcalisters  all 15 of them  are going to france for the holidays . four adults and eleven kids are spending the night together before heading to the airport en masse . the littlest kid  kevin  is the victim of the older kids ', cruelty . kevin ', s patience runs out when he learns that his plain - cheese pizza has already been eaten  and he ', s going to have to starve . he attacks his big bully brother buzz  who had been teasing him . the fight disrupts the already - chaotic dinner  spilling milk and soft drinks all over the table  a few cousins  and an uncle . the knee - jerk reaction is for everyone to blame kevin . nobody came to his rescue when he was being teased  but they all point their fingers when he fights back . the ultimate punishment comes from mom ( catherine o ', hara ) who sends him up to the spare bedroom in the attic for the night . on his way up the stairs  he tells her that " families suck " and that he hopes never to see any of his family again . that night the power goes out  knocking out the alarm clocks  so the mcalisters wake up in a big hurry to get to the airport . in a surprisingly plausible setup  kevin is mistakenly accounted for  and the family heads off without him . it ', s interesting that  in a subtle way  his parents never noticed him missing because of their deliberate desire to separate themselves from their children . first they delegate the headcount to an older sibling  and second  they put all the kids in coach while they fly first class . they ', re two - thirds of the way across the atlantic before they realize they are missing a child . meanwhile  kevin believes that somehow his wish has come true . he ', s finally rid of his family ! life is a dream come true . he can jump on the beds  watch r - rated movies  eat gobs of ice cream and potato chips  and dig through his big brother ', s secret box . slowly  the novelty wears off and he settles into the mundane . he grooms himself  he does the laundry  he goes shopping ( " i bought some milk  eggs  and fabric softener " ) . he also starts to miss his family  not just for their company  but for the security they bring . the furnace in the basement is a scary monster  the old man next door is a snow - shovel murderer  and two crooks are trying to break into his house . macaulay culkin is cute but he isn ', t much of an actor . still  we can see that kevin ', s character grows  thanks to some good direction and editing . for example  acting has little to do with the emotional impact of the scene where kevin searches out a seasonal santa at night  just as " santa " is getting in his car . kevin asks the man to pass on his request - he wants his family back - to the real santa . he learned how to deal with the furnace . you turn on the lights and it ', s not so scary anymore . he goes to a church one evening and there he sees the snow - shovel murderer  who actually turns out to be a nice man . they talk about their fears and kevin learns that age alone does not make you less afraid . finally  in the last 20 minutes  kevin confronts his last fear - the bandits  head on ( literally ) . this last act is full of violent comedic slapstick  and after the movie ', s genuine dramatic setup  it is dessert . it ', s a lot of fun  and it doesn ', t overwhelm the rest of the movie . on the whole  home alone is a great holiday movie . john williams ', original score has the sound and feel of holiday music without the disadvantage of being overplayed at the malls  and the christmas setting can put you in the mood for those family gatherings . but it does have its flaws . the smallest problem is that culkin doesn ', t act very well . as i said before  he is cute  but repeated viewings reveal more about how columbus covered himself than about culkin ', s insight into his character . the biggest problem is that during the cartoony coda  the villains threaten kevin ', s life about five times . instead of " i ', m gonna get that kid " they say " i ', m gonna kill that kid . " some might argue that the tone is the same  but i strongly disagree . mixing comedy with specific and viable threats of murder is a sociopathic faux - pas . i ', ll probably never see home alone 3  and i wish i had skipped home alone 2  but i do enjoy home alone almost every year . don ', t let your impressions of the others detract from the original  which has much more to offer than cartoon slapstick .
pos -- comedy  rated pg  runs about 1 : 40 -- starring : john goodman  kathy moriarty  and a bunch of teenagers -- directed by joe dante and written by charles hass -- summary : lawrence woolsley ( john goodman ) brings his new horror film mant ! to premiere in key west during the height of the cuban missile crisis . he hopes to capitalize on the tense moment by providing an escape for the town . we see most of the events through the stories of four teenagers and how life affects them . quick and easy review : i really enjoyed matinee . the mixture of comedy and tension blended nicely . unlike many comedies this film tries  and succeeds  in getting past the stage of doing anything for a laugh . the makers of the film also cared about telling an intelligent story . the performances of all the principals are right on the mark  particularly john goodman as the schlock master . so i would definitely recommend this film to anyone looking for a light hearted  yet interesting way to spend a couple of hours . longer  more detailed review : [ beware of spoilers ] the primary reason i enjoyed this film was  that while being a comedy  the film also had an intelligent story to tell . too many comedies today subscribe to the the notion that a comedy need only make you laugh . you watch the movie  laugh a lot  leave the theatre and take nothing with you . matinee is not like that . i left the picture thinking about what i would do faced with the cuban missile crisis . i found myself wondering what would happen to the characters of the film . but most importantly  i found myself caring about what would happen to the characters . the comedy of the film centers around goodman  his character  and the film he brings to key west . i believe that goodman is one of the finest comedic actors in the business today . he is highly expressive both physically and vocally . i felt he at least deserved an oscar nomination for his work in barton fink . the other characters are often lost in a scene with him due to his commanding nature  however  while the star  goodman is actually not at the center of the film . the movie is really the story of the four teenagers  discovering who they are and what they want  against a background where at any minute it could all end . i thought the kids reaction were highly realistic . they tried to block it out  they tried to escape from the concerns of their world . unfortunately it kept creeping back in  particularly with the fear  and the chaos of the time . while the comedy centered on goodman  and the drama on the teens  there was a great deal of overlap . several aspects of the panic are shown in a humorous light . one example is a scene where people are fighting each other for the the last cans and boxes of food in a grocery store . if you think about it the threat of nuclear annihilation seems hardly to be the backdrop for a comedy  but it works here . another reason i like this film is that i like b - science fiction movies . one of my favorite films to go watch is plan 9 from outer space . ( note i did not say it was one of my favorite movies  but one of my favorite to see . ) while mant ! never got made  many films like it were  and mant ! serves mostly as dante ', s homage to the b - films he loves . so again i would like to recommend matinee to anybody looking for a good  humorous story . this isn ', t a gag film like many other comedies but an intelligent  well - thought out  film about real people with real problems told in an often hilarious way . enjoy !
pos when _star wars_ came out some twenty years ago  the image of traveling throughout the stars has become a commonplace image . when the millenium falcon moves throughout the stars  we see constellations  meteor showers  and cool space - ships . when han solo goes light speed  the stars change to bright lines  going towards the viewer in lines that converge at an invisible point . cool . _october sky_ offers a much simpler image -- that of a single white dot  traveling horizontally across the night sky . was it really only forty years ago  when sputnik was launched  and that before then  no satellites ever existed ? have we become so technologically advanced that we have forgotten that it was nearly two generations ago where people stood outside to breathlessly see a then - technological achievement  even though it was from the russians ? it sounds hokey  but when that scene occurs near the beginning of _october sky_  i found myself caught up with the enthusiasm of homer hickam  played by jake gyllenhaal . determined to make a dent in the space race  he becomes transfixed with his desire to make a rocket that could fly like the best of them . it is films like this that we know the ending as we buy the ticket . when lovely teacher miss riley ( played by laura dern )  suggests that he enters his findings into the national science fair  we know exactly who is going to win . but the joy in a film like this is in the little details . for example  homer is clearly not the strongest student in his class . if he has any strengths whatsoever  it is an undeterring vision  and a good organizer . it means that he may have to lose his reputation by associating with the nerdiest kid in school  who knows more about rocket science than he does . it means that if his father forbids him to shoot rockets on company property ( that is  the entire coal - mining town )  he must walk eight miles one way  just to set up the rockets  which will fail  fail  fail  and fail again . homer + s dad is played by chris cooper  a favorite actor of mine since _lone star_ . here he plays the antithesis of the character he played in _matewan_ : instead of organizing union rallies  he is the head of the coal - miners  who is constantly wringing his hands against the unions . this is will be one of the great unnoticed performances of the year : note how multi - dimensional his character is . he is his son + s last nemesis  as one who most likely interferes with his son + s dreams . but he truly loves his son  and wants to see him succeed the only way he knows how . through coal - mining . because of his character  we can see how far we + ve come . the revolution of modern technology has allowed for us to see society advanced at a rate far faster than any generation before us . we don + t understand that there were the generations from the industrial revolution who knew of no other way to raise a family . the paradigm was shifting under the father + s feet  and he knew of no other life . so _october sky_  far from being merely a feel - good inspirational film  offers much food for thought . and this is the best type of inspirational film ; the one that you take something with you . btw  the final image of the film is just as simple  is as strong a contrast as the aforementioned horizontal - moving white dot against the night - sky background . another commonplace image  to be sure  but it must have been breathtaking forty years ago .
pos warning : contains what the matrix is . rated r for sci - fi violence . starring : keanu reeves  laurence fishburne  joe panteliano some may be disappointed with the matrix . i ', ll tell you i was . i sat there and sat there and sat there waiting for something to happen . now wait wait  i know most of you loved it  and i ', m not saying i didn ', t like it . what i ', m saying is the first half was extremely slow . now seeing the trailer it makes you think the whole entire movie is one big special effects show . don ', t be fooled  this movie has a big story . and big chunks of talky moments . but i will admit the special effects and the acting were above par  deserving the rating above . ok now to the story . well this may take a while . ok first of all  our world we live in now  is not the real world  actually we live inside a computer generated world known as the matrix . a man played by keanu reeves is about to find that out  when is kidnapped and almost coaxed to go into the real world . he does so  and finds out that he can do anything  be anything he wants to be . but he has to fight a ', matrix skipping ', bad guy  who wants to send him back to his own world or destroy him . laurence fishburne  his guide of sorts plays his character well as does keanu reeves . but i sat in the theatre for over and hour wondering where all the special effects were . yeah there were some in the first half but not enough . the trailer for this movie was really decieving making people think that this was a special effects laden movie . now for the second half  it is explosive  and saves the movie . some of the special effects and fighting were breathtaking . the sound  the music  and all the effects were effective  and the last hour kept us entertained . but with a running time of 2 hours and 20 minutes  this movie is at least 40 minutes too long . one would have wished for a better ', matrix ',  but i do have to say  i did like it and i was entertained .
pos national lampoon ', s animal house  made in 1978 and set in 1962  remains one of the -- no  fuck that noise -- * the * funniest movie ever made . and this isn ', t just my opinion  either ; everybody knows this  and that ', s why about a gazillion inferior rip - offs have been made  trying to duplicate its success . ( pcu anyone ? and the first person to bring up glory daze gets decked . ) animal house takes place at the fictional faber college  circa 1962  where the omega frat calls the shots . these guys are wholesome  clean - cut  model - citizens . . . i . e . a bunch of assholes . greg  their leader  is going out with mandy pepperidge  but since the silly bastard doesn ', t believe in pre - marital sex  their relationship never goes further than a quick jack - off under the stars . neidermeyer is the supreme - bozo of the bunch  walking around with his dick out kicking freshman ass and trying to impress the muff . also hanging around these losers is babs  future universal studios employee and serious bitch . now let ', s just take a peak next door  at the delta house . over here  anything goes : you wanna throw shit out the window ? okay . you wanna crush a bunch of beer cans on your forehead and pour honey - mustard all over your chest ? go right ahead . the frat ', s leaders are otter and boon ( tim matheson and peter riegert ) . otter is the ladies ', man  going out with another girl every night  and boon is the comedian . he ', s got a steady - date  katy ( karen allen )  but she ', s sick of playing second - fiddle to a bottle of j . d . then there are the others : pinto  a wimp ; flounder  a blimp ; d . day  a biker ; stork  who may or may not have brain - damage ; and last but not least . . . bluto ! bluto  played by the late  great john belushi  is the man . he ', s the kind of guy who slugs back entire fifths of whiskey then proclaim  " i needed that . " the kind of guy who puts a cream - filled snowball into his mouth  puffs up his cheeks and spits it out  and then says " i ', m a zit -- get it ? " the story is as follows : the omegas are getting the deltas kicked off campus . the deltas  knowing that fighting the omegas is stupid  decide to go out with style  throwing a wild toga party and ruining the homecoming parade . this is the fucnniest movie int he history of the world . do yourself a favor and go see it .
pos every year  hollywood crowns a new " it boy " -- a young actor pegged for major movie stardom . inheriting the mantle from last year ', s " winner  " matthew mcconaughey  is matt damon  and  like mcconaughey  he proves to be more than just a fresh young face  as evidenced in two radically different projects currently in release -- john grisham ', s the rainmaker and good will hunting . damon has his first major starring role  a la mcconaughey  in a john grisham adaptation -- in this case  francis ford coppola ', s take on the rainmaker . damon plays wet - behind - the - ears attorney rudy baylor  who  immediately after passing the bar exam  finds himself representing the mother ( mary kay place ) of a terminally ill young man ( john whitworth ) in a big - league suit against a negligent insurance company . while rudy ', s ( and the film ', s ) main concern is this case  he also finds time to protect a young wife ( claire danes ) from her abusive husband ( melrose placer andrew shue  in a mercifully brief role ) . written for the screen and directed by coppola  the rainmaker is the best grisham film yet mostly because it does not take itself too seriously . coppola ', s most notable -- and effective -- contribution to the tried - and - true grisham formula is a sense of humor about itself  which largely comes in the presence of danny devito ( as rudy ', s unlicensed co - counsel ) and golden globe nominee jon voight ( as the insurance company ', s hotshot attorney ) . the inclusion of the battered wife subplot feels rather superfluous  but danes is as superb as always . then  of course  there is damon  who nicely juggles the weighty ( the insurance case  the spousal abuse ) and the humorous ( rudy ', s often comical naivete ) requirements of his role without missing a beat . as good as he is in the rainmaker  damon showcases the depth of his talent in good will hunting  directed by gus van sant and written by actor ben affleck and damon himself . damon plays the title character  will hunting  a troubled young construction worker / janitor at mit who also happens to be a supergenius . in an attempt to steer this brilliant young mind in the right direction  an mit math professor ( stellan skarsgard ) taps his old college friend  community college psychologist sean mcguire ( robin williams )  to counsel the abrasive  standoffish will and try to help him come to terms with his turbulent life . good will hunting is the touchy - feely enterprise its plot synopsis suggests  but to simply dismiss it as that would be to discount the true emotional chords affleck and damon ', s intelligent script touches . even though no one ( and  if so  _very_ few people ) can directly relate to will ', s burden of superhuman intelligence  the insecurities he suffers are universal . the material is brought to life by the terrific ensemble of actors . williams delivers a nice dramatic turn ; affleck  a hot up - and - coming actor himself ( chasing amy )  turns up in a warm and charming performance as will ', s best friend ; and the ever - appealing minnie driver shines as will ', s harvard - schooled love interest . the clear standout in the cast  though  is damon  who bravely does not soften will ', s prickly nature but has such a natural ease with the audience that it is hard _not_ to care for him . so many names come and go with the fluctuations of the hollywood hype machine  but based on his impressive work in john grisham ', s the rainmaker and especially good will hunting  it is a safe bet that matt damon is one name we will be hearing a lot more of in the years to come .
pos synopsis : leonard shelby ( pearce ) is a former insurance investigator on the trail of the man who killed his wife . leonard has only a few clues to the murderer ', s identity ; to make matters worse  he suffers from a condition which inhibits the creation of short - term memories  meaning that leonard is always forgetting what happened just minutes earlier . because of this  leonard is forced to rely on notes he leaves for himself . " memento " traces the investigation back in time from its apparent culmination . review : " memento " is the sort of movie i wish i ', d written ; i can think of no higher praise than that . i am envious that nolan has concocted such a brilliant  involved  original movie as this . an instant film noir classic  " memento " is virtually flawless . the script is unlike any i have ever seen -- a notable achievement in these days of recycled hollywood homogeneity . although the idea of starting at the " conclusion " of the plotline and then moving backward in time to the " start " is not entirely new  never before have i witnessed it executed with such flair and coherence . " memento " is endlessly exciting and inventive  a rare story which keeps the viewers guessing during the film itself  and mulling over its connotations long after leaving the theatre . and it is not merely an exercise in cerebrality ; there is plenty of action and an unexpected dose of humour to keep the proceedings lively . nolan ', s direction is equally effective  never losing its crispness and clarity despite " memento " ', s challenging gimmick . and to top everything off  all the performances rise to the occasion . pierce is terrific as the troubled leonard ; moss shows great range as enigmatic natalie ; and pantoliano ', s teddy achieves a splendidly affable yet sinister quality . " memento " may be the year ', s best screenplay  and is certainly amongst the top theatrical attractions of 2001 .
pos earth is a harsh  unconsoling drama about the time when india gained independence from britain and the ensuing turmoil that engulfed the subcontinent . people who supposedly loved the same land and the same god found themselves in bitter conflict  as the country divided into factions fighting in the streets : indian and pakistani ; muslim  hindu  sikh  parsee . the story takes place in lahore  which was indian before partition  and pakistani afterward  regardless of what its citizens might call themselves . the action is seen through the eyes of lenny ( maaia sethna )  a young parsee girl  but it is really about her nanny  shanta . shanta has a small circle of male admirers . two of the men are suitors : hasan ( rahul khanna )  a hindu  and dil navaz ( aamir khan )  a muslim . the others -- sikh  hindu  muslim -- are older ; some are married ; but all appreciate shanta  who is played by the stirringly beautiful nandita das . ( she also starred in deepa mehta ', s previous film  fire  the first part of a thematic trilogy which will conclude with water . ) in an early scene  the men are sitting in a park talking with shanta and lenny ; political tension in the country is growing as the day of independence nears . one of the men remarks  jokingly  that their little group is probably one of the last places in the city where the different religions can still get along . he is wrong : the men make barbed little comments to each other  spoken like jokes  but with an undercurrent of fanaticism . the tenor of these exchanges grows darker and more bitter as the movie progresses . it is easy to perceive  in these squabbles  the trajectory which ends in mass violence and slaughter . the group around shanta represents  in a sense  a united india  and shanta herself the ideal motherland -- one which all love  which inspires hindu  muslim  and sikh to live peacably together . but the circle around shanta is sundered  as is the state . a sikh is persecuted  hides  then flees . another man is murdered . the group of friends will not meet again . the movie is rife with images of breakage and destruction : a plate shattered on the floor  a stuffed toy torn apart by an upset child  and  most brutally  when the tension escalates into violence  a man is held down  tied between two cars  and ripped in half by the opposing movement of the vehicles . it is a visceral and effective metaphor for a country which is being destroyed just as painfully . the crux of earth ', s plot is the transformation undergone by dil navaz . his sisters are killed in brutal fashion  by hindus  because they are muslim . dil navaz seeks solace from shanta  and asks in desperation that she marry him . but she loves hasan  and tenderly refuses dil navaz ', s offer . the combination of familial anguish and romantic rejection twists inside him  and it is easy to see how he is seduced by the growing mob mentality : the muslim cause gives him a motive to vent his anger and hate . despite the things he later does  it is to the credit of earth that it does not simply denounce dil navaz and those like him  but shows how circumstances can make decent enough men do monstrous things . the conclusion -- the consequence of dil navaz ', s transformation -- is rather abrupt . the story earth tells does not end . it just stops . it is an appropriate finish : giving us closure would have imparted  at least on an aesthetic level  a sense of resolution  of satisfaction . but there was no resolution for india and pakistan -- they have been at war  on a small or large scale  for decades . since the personal dramas in earth mirror the political struggles of a nation  it is only right that those dramas should have no terminus . there is no healing to be had  no closure  on any level ( despite the needless  tacked - on ending  with voice - over narration from lenny as an adult  framing the story ) . earth is  in some ways  an unexceptional movie . it does not reinvent the wheel  following instead the standard pattern of historical dramas . but deepa mehta ', s directon is assured  and the issues she addresses run deep . earth does for india what movies like zhang yimou ', s to live and tian zhuangzhuang ', s the blue kite did for china : they show us the agonies endured by unremarkable people who had the bad luck to be caught up and smashed in the crucible of history . such films strike me as inherently valuable  even when flawed . they may be biased or inaccurate  but they bear the weight of human hardship  and this confers on them a nobility and gravity which other  more inventive films  often lack . it is notable that all three movies were banned in their native countries : the events shown may have happened decades ago  but they still touch a nerve . the issues tackled in earth have a particular urgency in light of the nuclear test bombings that took place last year . in the near future  india and pakistan may launch nuclear missiles at each other . at the time of the tests i had some understanding of the reasons why this might happen ; after seeing earth  i have a much  much better understanding .
pos up until about a year ago  john travolta ', s career consisted of those " look who ', s talking " movies ( notice how they never called them look who ', s talented ) and the 1991 bomb shout ( which was bad enough to make most people scream ) . but somewhere along the line  travolta got the starring role in the tarantino masterpiece pulp fiction and his career soared once again . weird how someone whose career was on par with the bee gees back in 1978 would experience fame and fortune once again  while barry  robin and maurice gibb could do no better than a 1993 straight - to - the - cutout - bin album aptly named " size isn ', t everything " ( and of course  they learned that sales are everything ) . but now travolta ', s back on the hollywood scene once again  and i think we all know why . four words : contract with the devil . and this has nothing to do with newt gingrich ', s " contract with america . " no  satan is much more humane . anyway  yes  travolta has sold his soul to the hairy host of the netherworld . how do i know ? i own the document in question . amazing what you can buy at those collector ', s shops for a few hundred dollars  isn ', t it ? get shorty continues in the vein of pulp fiction  with travolta as crime minion chili palmer . he goes to collect some of the mafia ', s money from a b - grade director ( gene hackman ) and suddenly finds out he wants out of the mob game and into the movie game . sure  a ruthless criminal like him is far too honest to make it in hollywood  but i guess that ', s beside the point . palmer is determined to get hackman ', s next project made  so he sets out to convince big star martin weir ( danny devito ) to star in the movie  bringing along down - and - out horror actress karen flores ( rene russo )  who has already had affairs with hackman and devito . it doesn ', t take a las vegas odds - maker to predict that she and travolta will soon be hitting the sheets as well  after the customary sexual tension and denial  which has been used in every comedy from " who ', s the boss ? " to speechless . it works in this case  unlike " who ', s the boss ? " although it ', s interesting to note that tony danza has signed a contract with the devil also . complicating matters somewhat are the mobsters who have backed hackman ', s other films and want in on this one too  along with travolta ', s mob boss trying to track him down for defecting . get shorty is by no means on the same level as pulp fiction  despite the obvious similarities . this movie doesn ', t have near the amount of originality or depth as pulp fiction but it is definitely one of the most entertaining movies i ', ve seen this year ( yes  even better than halloween vi ) . get shorty is my kind of movie  one that mixes intelligent humor with action and violence . i ', m definitely going to have to check out the novel it was based on . are you getting this  shorty ?
pos i was fortunate enough to attend an advance screening for the upcoming thriller conspiracy theory . this was  of course  a big deal for me because reviewing movies is basically just a hobby for me and i never get a chance at something like this . not only did i get to see an advance screening  i was able to see an advance screening of a * very good * movie . the very fast - paced film stars mel gibson as jerry fletcher  a fast - talking  witty  comical taxi driver in new york city . gibson ', s performance is terrific  and his character is similar to that of martin riggs in the lethal weapon films . gibson again teams up with richard donner  as he did in the lethal weapon films and maverick  and this time around  the combination works even better . the character of jerry fletcher is indeed unique . try to imagine a toned - downed version of travis bickle who  this time around  is a jittery guy with knowledge of government conspiracy cover - ups . if you can imagine that  then you ', ve basically got jerry fletcher . in many ways  i was surprised by this movie . to begin with  i was surprised at how good it was . don ', t get me wrong  it ', s not going to be accepting any gold trophies next spring  but it was a very enjoyable movie . secondly  i was surprised at mel gibson ', s performance . he provided a fantastic performance . the previews of this film led me to believe it was an all - out action flick  which after viewing  it was almost the opposite in a certain sense . gibson ', s character has an almost uncountable number of one - liners  hilarious situations  and his character is one that the audience tends to side with throughout the film . for instance  jerry ', s apartment ( and especially his security ) is memorable . and last  i was surprised at how good the plot is . writer brian helgeland has created a terrific story  and when watching this film  you are left to wonder if all of jerry fletcher ', s far - fetched ( or so they seem at first ) conspiracy theories are helgeland ', s own opinions . mel gibson isn ', t the only stand - out in the film . julia roberts is very good in her performance as alice sutton  the department of justice employee who can ', t seem to stay away from jerry fletcher  who continually visits alice in hopes that she will do something about his theories . he also seems obsessed and in love with her . but whenever he approaches her with another one of his theories  she shrugs him and his beliefs off  continually noting that one day she is going to slap a restraining order on him . jerry  obviously determined to continually seek out the truth  continues to research information for his next conspiracy theory  which will be printed in his newsletter ( same title as the movie ) . although he only has five subscribers  he puts a large amount of time and effort into his work  and publishes his next edition . very soon after he does so  he is abducted and tortured by a sinister man who refers to himself as dr . jonas ( patrick stewart ) . after barely escaping alive  jerry is forced to turn to the only person he can trust : alice sutton . the remainder of the film is almost always fast - paced and full of action and suspense  with jerry ', s life being constantly put into jeopardy . and more along the way  the audience ( and alice ) learn more and more about jerry ', s life . many things are explained throughout this film  both to the characters and to the audience . for instance  the meaning of the book " the catcher in the rye " and its ties to assassins  the reason lone gunmen have three names ( e . g . lee harvey oswald and james earl ray )  and the real truth behind the grateful dead . make sure listen closely throughout the film  as jerry is constantly throwing out interesting tidbits such as the above . definitely  when conspiracy theory hits theaters august 8th  make sure you are standing in line to see it . i am nearly positive everyone should enjoy this film  especially if you are into an action - thriller with witty dialogue and numerous suspenseful situations . and even if you aren ', t  you should still like this film .
pos the disney studios has its formula for annual  full - length animated features down so pat that it ', s hard to remember which one you ', re watching at any given moment . " mulan  " their 36th animated adventure  is the latest case in point . once again we have a tale focused around a strong central character ( female as usual ; disney is one of the few studios whose heroines -- ariel  belle  pocahontas  and now mulan -- get equal screen time with their heroes in recent years ) . add the requisite love interest and a wise - cracking sidekick or two  pep up the soundtrack with a handful of strategically placed show tunes ( an introspective number by a pool or looking in a mirror  a rousing anthem  a cutesy  montage - backed crowd pleaser )  pose a few threats to our engaging lead  and tie things all up neatly by the closing credits . bob ', s your uncle ! better make that walt ', s your uncle . . . kids will no doubt go ga - ga over " mulan " ( or at least the fast food tie - ins )  but familiarity can  after a while  leave grown - ups -- this reviewer included -- wishing for a little more . maybe an animated feature without -- shock ! horror ! -- the songs  for example ? or maybe a film in which a cheeky chihuahua called pepe longs to become a matador from trinidad ? ? how about simply ditching the sidekicks altogether ? it isn ', t gonna happen . like disney ', s previous entries  " mulan " is slow to make its mark . the animation tends to suffer from some slackness in the early going and the humorous element  a madcap dragon wannabe ( in the guise of a loquacious lizard with a case of dry mouth  courtesy eddie murphy ', s animated vocal talents )  plays like an inappropriate if necessary ( formula - wise ) afterthought . however  after about an hour everything comes together and the formula  like it or not  clicks . highlights include a spectacular cavalry charge on a snow - covered pass ( which  due to the sophistication of today ', s computer - generated imagery  is hard to tell from the real thing )  a memorable  show - stopping musical interlude ( " i ', ll make a man out of you  " penned by matthew wilder and david zippel )  and last but not least  mulan herself . voiced by ming - na wen  mulan is disney ', s strongest female character to date . when hordes of huns pour over china ', s great wall and threaten to overthrow the imperial palace  the emperor decrees that every family in the land dispatch one man to serve in the imperial army . since mulan ', s father is infirm  but proud  the high - spirited mulan steals her father ', s armor and  incognito  signs up to face the mongolian menace . attracted to  but not distracted by  her commanding officer shang ( b . d . wong )  mulan outmatches her fellow combatants in smarts  wit  and physical ability . she ', s a woman of the ', 90s a couple of millennia ahead of her time .
pos i had been expecting more of this movie than the less than thrilling twister . twister was good but had no real plot and no one to simpithize with . but twister had amazing effects and i was hoping so would volcano volcano starts with tommy lee jones at emo . he worrys about a small earthquake enough to leave his daughter at home with a baby sitter . there is one small quake then another quake . then a geologist points out to tommy that its takes a geologic event to heat millions of gallons of water in 12 hours . a few hours later large amount of ash start to fall . then . . . . it starts . the volcanic eruption . . . . i liked this movie . . . but it was not as great as i hoped . i was still good none the less . it had excellent special effects . the best view . . . the helecopters flying over the streets of volcanos . also . . . there were interesting side stories that made the plot more interesting . so . . . it was good ! !
pos disney ', s 35th animated feature -- a retooling of the olympian legend crossed with  well  the superman story -- is surprisingly soft at the center . great wit  great art  and a great villain ( james woods as hades  lord of the underworld and local lounge act ) can ', t quite stifle the yawns induced by a bland hero  his colorfully monotonous sidekick ( danny devito as the satyrical trainer phil )  and a largely unremarkable soundtrack . ( none of the alan menken / david zippel tunes are particular - ly noteworthy . some lack lyrical snap . others need more memorable melodies . boring ballads we expect  but boring production numbers  too ? ) so  hercules is a bit of a long sit  but you won ', t stay bored . the highlights include a nifty round of animated action ( herc battling a cgi hydra )  a steady stream of anachronisms ( " somebody call ix - i - i " ) and pop references ( " let ', s get ready to rumble ! " ) a la aladdin  and several long - overdue jabs at the mouse ', s marketing and merchandising depart - ments . while not as rock - solid as hunchback  it ', s a still a new world of improvement over pocohontas . directed by ron clements and john musker  with voice credits including tate donovan  susan egan  bob goldthwait  matt frewer  samantha eggar  paul shaffer  and  as lighting bolt zeus  rip torn  who ', s having a very good summer  also appearing in trial and error and men in black .
pos the computer - animated comedy " shrek " is designed to be enjoyed on different levels by different groups . for children  it offers imaginative visuals  appealing new characters mixed with a host of familiar faces  loads of action and a barrage of big laughs ( including numerous gags related to body functions and yucky substances  apparently a requisite in contemporary family films ) . for adults  it ', s a fractured fairy tale packed with rude jokes that will sail over the heads of the kids . all in all  " shrek " is a snappy ride  although there are a couple of points i found disturbing . but first the basics . based very loosely on a 1990 children ', s story  " shrek " follows several momentous days in the life of the title character  a rotund green ogre voiced by mike myers in that pleasant scottish accent he is so fond of using . shrek is a grumpy fellow living a solitary life deep in the swamp  until a local nobleman disturbs his peace . petty tyrant lord farquaad ( take away the " awk " in the middle and you have the basis of a string of impolite one - liners ) owns the land on which shrek resides . he proceeds to turn the ogre ', s yard into an ellis island for storybook characters when he banishes the fanciful beings from his castle . as a result  shrek finds himself surrounded by legends like the three blind mice  pinocchio  the big bad wolf  the seven dwarfs  and the three bears  to name but a few . an enraged shrek storms to the castle  only to find farquaad ( john lithgow ) ready to bargain . lord obnoxious wants to become king and the magic mirror from " snow white " has shown him the way . all he has to do is rescue a damsel in distress and make her his wife . the mirror unveils three choices in a presentation straight out of " the dating game " ( when snow white is shown  the cheeky announcer purrs  " even though she lives with seven men  she ', s not easy ! " ) farquaad selects the lovely princess fiona ( cameron diaz ) and offers shrek a deal : if the ogre snatches fiona from the dragon - protected  lava moat - filled castle in which she is held captive and brings her to the throne  the lord will allow the fairy tale pests to move back on his grounds . shrek reluctantly agrees and sets off on his quest  accompanied by a motor - mouthed donkey ( eddie murphy ) determined to make the green grump his best friend . they finally hook up with the princess  only to learn she is not the helpless maiden they expected to meet . for the matter  the dragon offers a few surprises as well . the movie references a great many other flicks  from " babe " ( " that ', ll do  donkey . that ', ll do " ) to " the graduate . " but the lion ', s share of the jokes come at the expense of the wonderful world of disney . the public - domain characters made into icons in various disney films take their hits ? pinocchio is referred to as a " possessed toy " and when shrek spies a sleeping snow white in his cabin  he bellows  " get that dead broad off the table ! " ? but the biggest slams come when shrek visits farquaad ', s royal domicile  which closely resembles a certain magic kingdom  from its souvenir stands and queue lines to a display of animatronic figures that sing the palace rules in a relentlessly peppy tune that sounds a lot like " it ', s a small world . " which brings me to disturbing point number one . i laughed at all the disney swipes  but found the mentality behind them a bit sad . the acrimony between dreamworks honcho jeff katzenberg and disney big wheel michael eisner is well known . for years the two companies have tried to sabotage each other ', s film and video releases by issuing similar competing productions on the same day . and now we have katzenberg using an entire movie to attack his former employer . here ', s a suggestion for the two boys : grow up ! put the past behind you ! there ', s room in the sandbox for both of you and if you farquaads can ', t play nice  then go to your rooms ! the other area i found troubling came in the portrayal of lord farquaad . beyond all the irreverence  " shrek " actually has a message : people should learn to look beyond physical appearances  because true beauty lies within . it ', s a lovely notion  but the film betrays its own moral by incessantly taking cheap shots at farquaad ', s diminutive stature . do we really need a family film reinforcing the idea that mocking short people is acceptable ? the pompous  selfish behavior of farquaad is enough to make him a target for zingers . adding short jokes is simply mean . still  " shrek " is a rollicking good time . the computer animation is mostly impressive ( although several key characters look like animated rubber squeeze toys and the human movements are often jerky )  the voice work is strong ( particularly from eddie murphy )  the laughs come fast and furious  and the moral  tainted though it may be  is a good one . to trot out a clich ?  " shrek " is fun for all ages . parents  though  should remind their young ones during the ride home that taunting others because they are short  tall  skinny  fat  etc . is a bad thing .
pos after watching the first ten minutes of this japanese film  you will never eat a bowl of ramen the same way again . there is a scene where an old man is teaching a young one how to eat the soupy bowl of noodles  as a master would teach an eager apprentice . " you caress the noodles with the chopsticks  " he says  " then put the roast pork on the side of the bowl and apologize to it by saying  ', see you soon . ', " of course  it ', s meant to be a parody  but there is an earnestness underneath the silliness that makes you take it with a certain degree of sobriety . you begin to appreciate the food as not merely something you eat  not something you like  not something you enjoy  but rather something you experience . experiencing it is a process which engages all of the senses  fulfilling each one on its own terms and weaving them so that the total is a pleasure that is more than the sum of its parts . trust me  you really want to go find a noodle shop at this point . juzo itami ', s tampopo brings the same sense of the serious parody of food to the forefront by making the story follow the pattern of an american western  set in modern day japan . a stranger  goro ( tsutomu yamazaki )  comes into town and finds tampopo ( nobuko miyamoto )  the proprietor of a small  hole - in - the - wall noodle shop  trying to fend off the insults of the local strongman  pisken ( rikiya yasuoka ) . goro  to defend the honor of this woman and her noodles  gets into a fight with the ringleader and his henchmen  emerging bloodied  but victorious . goro finds that tampopo ', s ambition is to have a shop that people would flock to from far away  just to eat a bowl of her ramen . the problem is  her fare is something less than popular  and less than appetizing . however  goro agrees to help tampopo in her quest  and in the process they seek the wisdom of an elderly noodle expert  enlist the aid of a wealthy patron  and make friends with the former enemy . this film is filled with many little scenes which are absolute gems . take  for example  when tampopo tries to buy the recipe for a delicious soup from another shop owner . the price is too high  but the owner of the store next door will secretly sell it to her for a more affordable sum . tampopo meets him at his store late at night  and he leads her to a back room . she protests  thinking that perhaps this man has ulterior motives  but he insists . just when she is about to bolt for the exit  he shows her a small gap in the wall adjoining his store with the noodle shop next door . she peers through and takes notes as she watches the cook make the soup for the next day  her face filled with a joy that can be felt by the audience . this scene  while comical  is very effective at filling the viewer with a sense of trepidation  then of relief and discovery . there ', s also an interesting scene where goro introduces tampopo and her son to a bunch of street people who  despite their economic trappings  are all gourmets and master sommeliers . we even watch as one of them sneaks into the kitchen of a restaurant and expertly prepares a french omelet . the scene is meant to bring a laugh  but it also says that no matter whether people are rich or poor  food is something which everyone has in common  and the enjoyment of food is an experience shared by all . there are also a number of unrelated vignettes appearing throughout the film  which help to illustrate and accentuate the role of food in people ', s lives . a particularly effective one involves a wife and mother being tended to in her home by a doctor . surrounded by her children  she is obviously in her last hours of life . her husband comes home  and seeing her worsened condition  demands that she get up and make dinner . the viewer knows the husband ', s intention is not to be mean ; he is desperate for the normalcy of which he and his family has obviously been deprived  and the wife making dinner is an essential part of this . in a near miracle  the wife drags herself to the kitchen and prepares a quick meal  then brings it to her awaiting family . as the family eats  she looks on them and smiles . preparing food for her family is a joy and a comfort to her  and for a brief moment  she too enjoys the normalcy . then she falls over  dead . for a moment  the family is stunned  but then the father yells at the children  " keep eating ! this is the last meal your mother ever made ! " crying as they do so  the family finishes the meal . the scene is comical  awkward  moving  and beautiful . by including the vignettes  itami ran the risk of creating a disjointed film  but surprisingly  they do not interrupt the pacing of the main storyline . instead  they even help contribute to the idea that tampopo ', s goal of being able to serve exceptional food is worthy and even noble . because the film parodies a western  the construction of the plot is fairly predictable  but is still enjoyable as we watch the familiar way in which the " good guys " come together for the final showdown . in this case  the showdown is against the ramen . if they eat tampopo ', s ramen  soup and all  tampopo knows she has succeeded . it ', s pretty obvious what the outcome will be  but when a film changes your whole perspective on something you consume every day of your life  you can afford to cut it a little slack .
pos there ', s an old saying that states something about leaving the best for last . george lucas certainly followed that adage when crafting the original star wars trilogy . return of the jedi  the final installment of the series  is easily the most innovative  action - packed  and entertaining of the three films . the dark  eerie atmosphere that oozed from every frame of the empire strikes back is gone . instead  for return of the jedi  we have good triumphing decisively over evil  a resolution to a love triangle  and walking teddy bears . even darth vader doesn ', t seem very intimidating this time around . with the arrival of the emperor ( an apparition - like creature played by ian mcdiarmid )  vader has turned into somewhat of a henchman . return of the jedi picks up at an unspecified time after the conclusion of the empire strikes back . luke skywalker ( mark hamill )  princess leia ( carrie fisher )  lando calrissian  ( billy dee williams )  chewbacca ( peter mayhew )  c3p0 ( anthony daniels ) and r2 - d2 ( kenny baker ) are on a rescue mission to luke ', s home planet of tatooine . their goal : to save han solo ( harrison ford ) from the clutches of the intergalactic gangster jabba the hutt . it is at jabba ', s home  a creepy - looking stone fortress guarded by hog - nosed beasts  that most of the added special effects come into play . from a hysterical scene involving a music group to the dreaded beast outside jabba ', s sand barge  the effects are top notch . as soon as han is freed from his cryo - freeze and rescued from the clutches of the evil jabba the hutt  it ', s back to outer space  where the rebel alliance is about to face the empire ', s newest threat : a second  more powerful death star  that  if activated  could spell doom for anyone who stands against the emperor . so  while the fleet prepares for the final battle  luke and company travel to the forest moon of endor to knock out the shield that defends the death star against all attacks . there  they are befriended by the ewoks  the teddy bear - like native race  and luke  fearing that his presence is endangering the group  turns himself over to vader . return of the jedi has some interesting elements . the scenes which pitted luke against the emperor and vader are suitably tense and well - acted . from a technical point - of - view  the space battles are amazing  easily hindering anything depicted in the previous films . not only are there many  many more ships  but their speed and range of movement have been dramatically improved . on one level  return of the jedi is almost worth watching for the special effects . in the special edition  even more ships are added  making the final space battle incredibly fun to watch . the acting in return of the jedi is stronger than in the previous films . by now ( or then - 1983 )  mark hamill  harrison ford  and carrie fisher have all matured in their on - screen personas . the chemistry amongst the trio is terrific . as in empire  billy dee williams gives us another human hero to root for . newcomer ian mcdiarmid plays the emperor as a suitably creepy  cunning  and evil creature  although he ', s not as imposing as vader was in star wars . although it was great fun watching star wars and the empire strikes back on the big screen  return of the jedi generates a greater sense of enjoyment . with the spectacular  new special effects  the adorable ewoks  the sinister jabba the hutt  the evil emperor  the same old millenium falcon  darth vader ', s incredible betrayal  the destruction of the new death star  and the always lovable yoda  return of the jedi concludes one of the greatest trilogies ever made with a huge bang . congratulations to george lucas  whose innovative mind entertains us now and will continue to entertain generations to come . ])
pos why do so many children ', s films treat their target audience with utter contempt ? too many of those who write or direct for children ', s movies assume that the kids just can ', t handle serious  thoughtful discussions on meaningful issues . " the iron giant  " which was directed and co - written by brad bird  late of such animated series as " the simpsons " and " king of the hill  " assumes that not only can children handle such discussions  but that they can do so while being entertained at the same time . " the iron giant " holds absolutely no contempt for the young people in the audience  making it a film that ', s enjoyable for both children and adults alike . hogarth hughes ( voice of eli marienthal ) is a spirited young lad who lives with his hard - working single mother  annie ( jennifer aniston )  in a small town in maine . after staying up late and watching scary movies on a night his mother is away  hogarth treks out into the forest to investigate what has stolen his antenna and ruined his tv reception . he comes across a giant robot ( vin diesel ) from space that eats metal for food . after saving the robot  nicknamed the iron giant  from electric shock  hogarth befriends the creature and takes him in as a pet of sorts . because of damage he suffered upon landing  the giant has forgotten what his original mission was  so he just follows hogarth around like a lost puppy . realizing he can ', t just keep the giant in a barn all the time  and that the giant needs food  he takes him to a junkyard owned by dean ( harry connick jr . )  an eccentric artist who assembles sculptures out of scrap iron in his spare time . it soon becomes apparent that dean and hogarth can ', t keep the giant a secret forever  because a government spook named kent mansley ( christopher mcdonald ) has been brought in to investigate mysterious sightings in the surrounding forest area and considers the giant a threat to national security . he suspects hogarth knows something about the giant  and takes up residence in hogarth ', s house as a lodger . meanwhile  the giant begins to exhibit ominous behavior that suggests he was built to be a weapon of some kind . " the iron giant " is exactly what family films ought to be  because it doesn ', t talk down to its audience . the story is simple  very simple  about an alien being that drops out of the sky and befriends a young boy . it ', s very similar to the spielberg classic " e . t .  ', and such comparisons are actually deserved in the case of " the iron giant . " the film holds many of the better elements of spielberg ', s film  such as the ability to be sentimental without turning sappy . the film delivers several serious messages  the most important of which is one ', s ability to choose one ', s own fate . hogarth teaches the giant to go against his programming and become what he wants to be : a hero . the final sequence is touching and appropriate  though i won ', t give it away  i will say that very few will be disappointed . the animation  while not up to disney standards ( what could be  after " tarzan " ? )  is good enough to make you forget you ', re watching a cartoon . the giant is computer - animated  while the human characters are all hand - drawn the old - fashioned way . the characters ', faces are done quite well  drawn realistically enough to make the personalities credible  but the features are exaggerated so as to allow for the cartoonish expressions that provide for comic relief . fine voice work is turned in by young eli marienthal as hogarth  and jennifer aniston is surprisingly convincing as his waitress mother . harry connick jr . does a nice characterization as dean  and i really enjoyed the voice work of john mahoney ( of tv ', s " frasier " ) as an army general called in by agent mansley . unlike several cartoon features  each character is actually a developed personality  rather than a stereotype  and is actually integral to the plot  rather than being a superfluous comic - relief sidekick ( a clich ? disney still hasn ', t ditched ) . dean  for example  could have been a stereotypical beatnik ( his character profile seems to suggest that )  but he is presented as a character with real emotions  thoughts  and motivations . even the heavy  agent mansley  is not a villain who does bad things simply because he wants to  but out of his own fear and paranoia . a lesser animated feature would have drawn up paper - thin stereotypes and figure the kids won ', t mind  but " the iron giant " has clearly put a little work into making the characters real  and it pays off . the film isn ', t only around to deliver heavy - handed messages  though . it ', s also very funny  and the humor is of the kind that both children and adults will enjoy . the scenes in which hogarth teaches the giant to do certain things  such as dive into a pool  are handled well  and director brad bird clearly has a sense of comic timing  having worked on " the simpsons " for many years . a sequence where hogarth and mansley attempt to " outlast " one another by trying to stay awake is very nicely timed  and also extremely clever . the film even takes some jabs at america ', s nuclear paranoia during the early stages of the cold war  satirizing the lame safety films shown to grade school students that tell them to " duck and cover " in the event of a nuclear attack . " the iron giant " has much more of a satirical edge to it than most family films  and the edgy humor is actually quite refreshing . instead of seeing people get bonked on the head  we get well - timed  clever gags that seem to have required some imagination to come up with . when you get right down to it  " the iron giant " is no more than the story of a boy and his robot . the story is so straightforward  so quaint  that it ultimately becomes charming . though i enjoy the complex plotting of film noir as much as the next person  when it comes to family entertainment  simple is the way to go . it ', s akin to one of those bedtime stories your father told that had you hanging on his every word  but it ', s not the story that sets the film above others of its kind  but rather the elements that go into the story  namely real characters and thoughtful dialogue  which " the iron giant " has in spades .
pos susan granger ', s review of " the closet " ( miramax films ) in this hilarious french farce  a shy  boring accountant ( daniel auteil ) named francois pignon discovers he ', s going to be fired from his job at a condom factory . lonely and distraught  he contemplates suicide . but then he runs into belone ( michel aumont )  an elderly homosexual neighbor  who suggests a " sex discrimination " lawsuit to intimidate management . as evidence  belone concocts provocative photographs of pignon locked in a leather - clad embrace with another man and mails them anonymously to pignon ', s boss . when the racy snapshots start circulating around the factory  not only does pignon get his job back but he suddenly finds himself the focus of attention as an openly gay man . his lusty supervisor ( michele laroque ) is so intrigued that she wonders if  perhaps  she could change his sexual preferences . even his ex - wife ( alexandra vandernoot ) and indifferent teenage son ( stanislas crevillen ) drop their disdain . but not everyone is enchanted . a mucho macho co - worker felix ( gerard depardieu )  a self - righteous homophobe  is stunned and repulsed when he ', s forced by the pr director ( thierry lhermite ) to grovel and court pignon ', s friendship or risk losing his own job . writer / director francis verber artfully milks the farcical comedy as he dissects the hypocrisy of political correctness  veering off - track only occasionally into pedophilia . daniel auteuil ( " the widow of saint - pierre " ) is delightful - particularly with a blown - up condom perched on his head  riding on a float in a gay pride parade - and gerard depardieu delivers one of his most restrained  and effective  performances . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " the closet " is a frankly sexual  adult 8 . it ', s so clever  in fact  that hollywood is already planning to re - make it in english  like " la cage aux folles . "
pos roman emperor marcus aurelius ( richard harris ) chooses his trusted general maximus ( russell crowe ) as his successor . however the emperor ', s evil son commodus ( joaquin phoenix ) murders his father before the announcement can be made  and maximus ( as well as his family ) is sentenced to be executed . maximus is able to escape his executioners  but is later captured and sold as a slave to proximo ( oliver reed ) . proximo is looking for gladiators to earn himself money ( he being a former gladiator himself )  and maximus reluctantly uses his skills to prove himself a powerful gladiator . when emperor commodus announces that new games will be held in the colisseum  proximo takes his gladiators there to do battle . maximus sees this as his chance to exact revenge on commodus . gladiator begins with a great battle sequence between the roman army and germania  and actually is able to maintain interest during the now required " 40 minutes of exposition after a kick ass opening sequence " style of moviemaking . the only downfall of the opening sequence is the editing style used . . . it ', s choppy slow - motion which is unsettling and distracting . it ', s similar to the opening sequence in saving private ryan  but nowhere near as effective . the actual gladiator battles are thrilling  but also a bit disjointed . many times it ', s unclear as to exactly what ', s going on . . . all the audience can tell is that blood is being spilled . we ', re not sure who ', s blood or by who ', s hand though . there ', s an instance of this earlier in the film too that ', s disappointing . it ', s comes when maximus escapes his executioners . some flashes and a few quick cuts later and maximus is free . . . but i still don ', t know exactly how he did it . russell crowe should have become a major star after his gleefully over the top role as a computer generated serial killer in 1995 ', s virtuosity . for whatever reason his stardom never arrived . . . but he should have it now . from here on moviegoers should now be able to say  " let ', s go see the new russell crowe movie " . he gets the best scene in the film ( and one of the best moments of all recent movies ) when he reveals his identity to commodus in the colisseum . it ', s both rousing and chilling . joaquin phoenix does a very effective job of making commodus a person and not just a cartoon character ( which could have easily happened ) . commodus is conniving  sneaky and whiny  but phoenix never lets the character get silly . it ', s a very good ( and very creepy ) performance . oliver reed died during the filming of gladiator  and it ', s a huge loss to the acting world . i ', ve always been fascinated with reed . . . he ', s one of those very talented performers who once had a fine career but ended up in direct to video junk during his twilight years . it ', s ironic that this film probably would have gotten him back into real movies again  as he gives a fun and sincere performance . the film is dedicated to him  and he will surely be missed . reed ', s death presented the filmmakers with an obvious problem  as he still had scenes to be completed . rather than recast the role ( and end up reshooting a great deal of footage )  a digital version of oliver reed was created at a reported cost of 2 million dollars . ironically  that was probably more money than reed ever earned for a single film . anyway  this digital effect is only used in one scene that i am aware of ( for about twenty seconds ) and if you aren ', t looking for it you won ', t even be able to tell . some of the other digital effects are less convincing however . . . and like i always say  noticable digital effects take me out of a movie immediately . it ', s sad that such a good film has these distractions . movies like the fall of the roman empire and spartacus seemed to do okay without the use of computer effects . keep in mind that gladiator is based on real people and real events  but is entirely a work of fiction . however it ', s a work of fiction that ', s great entertainment  and another film to add to the list of damn fine flicks released in 2000 a . d .
pos what a great film . what a stunning  touching  heart - wrenching  heart - warming  life - affirming  miraculous film . > from its opening moments  _life is beautiful_ walks that fine line between serious tragedy and uplifting comedy . a car with no brakes speeds through the town  and guido ( roberto benigni ) motions people to move out of the way . they mistake him to be the fascist president  traveling to their town that day . heil ! heil ! huh ? shortly thereafter  the president drives through  and people stare  with blank faces . this is standard  but somehow fresh and postmodern stuff : the clown who is also a jew  triumphs over the anti - semitic society in which he = lives . granted  _the great dictator_ comes to mind -- charlie chaplin + s almost masterpiece . i think lib ( which benigni wrote and directed ) trumps gd in one essential point : chaplin + s jewish barber gives a great speech at the climax  but to do so  he had to break completely from character . benigni is given a similar situation : he is mistaken as a fascist dignitary  and must explain to a classroom filled with schoolchildren = on how scientists have concluded that aryans are the superior race . benigni + s guido stays in character  and delivers the speech  keeping = the subject matter intact while showing the absurdity of its concept . it = is one of the great satirical scenes in modern cinema . there are many other scenes  especially in the first half  which are bright and loopy and funny and silly . slapstick reigns  and although the film is subtitled  there was no doubt that a universal language was being conveyed . and although it + s focus is on the courtship of guido = to dora ( played by nicoletta braschi  benigni + s real life wife )  a silent undercurrent creeps in . this is clearly a racist society  evidenced by the aforementioned scene and others  and it will soon affect him and = his family . the second half of the film takes place five years later  in an unnamed concentration camp  where guido  dora ( by her insistence )  and their five - year old son  giosu = e9 ( giorgio cantarini )  are deported . guido  seeing the horrors  is desperate to protect his wife and child . for = his wife  who is separated from him  he must find ways to communicate to = her that he is all right . for his son  ( and this is the most controversial part of the film ) he convinces the youngster that this is all one big elaborate game : it + s rules include hiding  being very quiet  and learning to not ask for seconds . which raises the big questions : how do we deal with pain ? with persecution ? with injustice on the worst level ? it + s said that tragedies bring out the best in people  finding strengths they did not realize they had . other times they deteriorate  become overwhelmed = with little strength or incentive to swim . sometimes even  people giggle in these moments  as if there were a vacant emotion behind them  yearning for some brightness to soothe their wounds . benigni + s guido realizes this . he is the clown  but he is not a fool . he sees the slurs and the vandalism  and while feeling the weight of = the verbal attacks  he still has the audacity to see if everyone around = him  perhaps even the antagonists  laugh . his liberty is stripped  but not his dignity  and certainly not the dignities of those around him . it + s obvious from the onset that here is someone who is very much against fascism and the preposterousness of an aryan nation  but does so with a grinning  joyful demeanor . perhaps that is a form of denial . perhaps his alternate reality is all that he could muster ( not unlike the very different _brazil_ ) . or . . . perhaps this is an example of great fortitude  with no weapons but = wit . whatever his purposes is subject to debate  but also a sure sign that this is one of the great three - dimensional characters  stranded amidst = a terrifyingly risky concept . surprisingly  it works . it is an important footnote that this film was not intended to be an accurate reflection of the holocaust . it + s not that the atrocities are trivialized  far from it . they don + t have to be broadcast and explicitly shown to muster the same horror -- less is more . i believe = that benigni was cautious to preserve the tone  and i like the theory that = it is guido + s alternate reality that we + re seeing . however  any criticism that this is rewriting history  that the holocaust wasn + t as bad as it seems  is simply off - target . benigni + s film has won audience awards at cannes  at toronto  and is a definite shoo - in for best foreign language film ( hopefully for best picture as well ) . he has been made an honorary jew by a jerusalem film society . it swept the italian academy awards . controversy notwithstanding  it is one of the great films this year  and as of this writing  the one to beat for best film . masterful . miraculous . a must - see .
pos ingredients : starving artist lusting after a beautiful woman from his childhood synopsis : great expectations ( 1998 ) is a modernized version of a charles dickens novel . in the original charles dickens classic an orphan boy named pip learns about life through his friendship with an escaped convict  his relationship with a bitter old lady named miss havisham  and his hopeless lifetime infatuation with havisham ', s snobbish adopted daughter  estella . the gist of the story is that an anonymous benefactor sends pip to london for pip to become an upper class " gentleman . " pip leaves for london with " great expectations " to be groomed into a gentleman so that he can one day be classy enough to marry estella . but life has a way of complicating things . pip becomes an arrogant s . o . b . until he learns just who his secret benefactor is . in this new 1998 version of great expectations a poor florida lad named finn ( ethan hawke ) with a talent for drawing has an early memory of helping an escaped convict ( robert de niro ) . but soon the focus of finn ', s life becomes romance  as he develops a lifelong infatuation with estella ( gwyneth paltrow )  an upper crust girl with some psychological and emotional issues due to being raised in a dysfunctional environment . estella was raised in wealth by ms . dinsmoor ( anne bancroft )  an eccentric  aged and embittered  man - hating single aunt whose groom left her abandoned at the altar on the day of her marriage . this causes estella to ', fear the daylight ', of relationships  but finn thinks it ', s just a case of snobbery . when finn becomes a young man  an anonymous benefactor sets finn up in new york with the connections and publicity to be groomed into a famous artist . finn leaves florida with " great expectations " to be a successful artist so that some day he might become classy enough to marry the snobbish estella . what will happen to all of finn ', s " great expectations ? " opinion : if you ', re looking for a romance with a happy ending  look no further ; you ', ve found one here . ethan hawke is romantic lead . ( he romanced winona ryder in reality bites . he romanced julie delpy in before sunrise . he romanced uma thurman in gattaca . now in great expectations he gets to chase gwyneth paltrow  a rail - thin blonde . ) hawke plays a lovestruck  earnest and unchanged finn throughout the film . meanwhile paltrow portrays estella as alternating between infuriating tease and ice princess ; estella ', s whole purpose is to get men to fall in love and then hurt them rather than become intimate . anne bancroft goes a little overboard as the deranged and pessimistic ms . dinsmoor  while robert de niro carries off the convict part suitably . the difference between the classic dickens novel and this 1998 adaptation is that the dickens novel is ripe with deep and timeless themes about class struggle and love  whereas great expectations ( 1998 ) is more artsy  less complicated story about a 1990s artist dealing with a lifetime tease .
pos you ', ve seen this moment before  recently : a particularly troubled character senses danger of the paranormal kind when the room temperature inexplicably plummets to below freezing . the difference is that when it happens to lili taylor ', s nell in the haunting  we don ', t care . the hero of the sixth sense  a young boy named cole  is a rich creation  and we wish nothing more than for the ghosts who haunt him to take a hike . the seasons have changed since an ex - patient shot jaded child psychologist malcolm crowe ( willis ) in the comfort of his own bedroom . desperate to get his career back on track  even at the expense of his crumbling marriage ( to williams  of rushmore )  malcolm councils the deeply troubled cole ( osment ) . the preteen displays all the quirks of malcolm ', s would - be killer : scars on his body ; antisocial behaviour ; and the reluctance to reveal a big secret . only after cole is locked in a closet by some bullies ( and hospitalized as a result ) does he divulge to malcolm  in a spine - tingling scene  that he sees dead people walking among us  all the time . malcolm assumes  and given his profession  reasonably so  that cole is schizophrenic  not psychic  but the sincerity in cole ', s anguished confession prevents the doctor from taking drastic measures . he will instead pursue the supernatural angle  becoming a kind of surrogate father to cole ( who lives with his single mother  lynn ( collette ) ) in the process . the sixth sense has more in common with ghost than poltergeist . ( though shyamalan does  somewhat unforgiveably  crib the self - rearranging kitchen business from the latter . ) it ', s far more heartwarming than frightening  and the film would be none the worse for wear without its few pulp shocks . cole attracts the dead for reasons unknown  but they ', re not out to harm him  really - they just want to be heard  even if it means scaring the bejesus out of the innocent gradeschooler . perhaps the apparitions seem more ghastly to us  at first  than they really are because we ', re looking at the situation through the eyes of an eight - year - old . that ', s right : willis  for the first time in years  gives up the spotlight to his costar . we appreciate malcolm ', s domestic dilemma  but we identify with cole  recalling our fears of the bogeyman or the closet monster or the thing under the bed . both actors deliver immensely likable performances  and their dynamic is manifest . willis convinces us that he ', s a doctor  something he was unable to do as a horndog shrink in the overheated color of night . osment is phenomenal  a true professional who resists mugging for the camera like some child stars with too much experience in television commercials do . the sixth sense ( atmospherically shot by the silence of the lambs ', cinematographer  tak fujimoto ) is actually a drama - its spooky  effective ad campaign is misleading . only because i was expecting something different did i notice - rather  feel - the movie ', s running time  which is just shy of two hours . the story unfurls slowly but engrossingly ; its unexpected finish is definitely worth the wait . i ', m not sure said big twist ending is bulletproof  but i admired its audacity .
pos hollywood has really done the whole dracula thing to death ( no pun intended - honest ) . it ', s a shame  too  because the good count was probably the most frightening out the old b - movie monsters . i mean  come on . are people really going to get that scared over a big green guy named frankenstein that moves at a speed of five miles per hour ? hell no . and not only was the idea of a vampire frightening as hell  but it also carried with it a kind of sensual feeling as well  not commonly associated with horror films . and not only has the idea been done too many times  but with the possible exception of from dusk ', till dawn  has not been done very well lately  either . this is precisely why it was so much fun for me watching the original nosferatu . i got to go back to the times when making movies ( even horror movies ) was considered an art form  and not just done to make cash like nowadays . and that is exactly what this film is ; art . i ', ve been a horror fan since i was eight years old  and to this day i have not seen any horror film cover the intellectual ground that this film covers . let me backtrack a minute . when i say " intellectual ground "  i don ', t mean that nosferatu tackles philosophical questions or anything like that  i just mean that in order for the film to work the way it was intended to  a little bit of thinking is involved . with most modern slasher movies like friday the 13th and what - not  you can just simply sit back in your chair and be frightened by the gore that is shown . those movies could have been made by a fifth grader with a good makeup kit ; movies like this require the viewer to actually pay attention and ponder what is happening on the screen . you see  this movie has barely any violence in it and even less blood or gore . this is a thinking man ', s slasher flick . the " nosferatu " of the title is orlock ( max shreck )  a strange  hermit - like count that  as the film opens  is looking for a new home to buy . he employs the help of hutter ( gustav von wangenhein )  a real estate salesman ( or something to that effect ) who has a nice home and even a fiancee named ellen ( greta schroeder ) . upon orders from his boss  hutter treks to the transylvanian mountains to visit orlock ', s castle and speak to him about his new home ( which just happens to be right next door to hutter ', s ) . the next morning  he wakes up to find teeth marks on his neck . . . not really a good sign . he then discovers through some reading that the count is a " nosferatu "  or vampire  one of the undead that feeds off the blood of living humans . but by the time he pieces this together  he is too late ; orlock has already embarked to hutter ', s hometown via boat . will hutter reach his destination in time to save his fiancee from the deadly clutches of count orlock ? the character of orlock is  of course  dracula . the only only reason his name was changed was because this was an unauthorized account of bram strocker ', s novel . just thought that was an interesting little side note . . . probably the only way you will get to see this fine film is by purchasing a copy of arrow entertainment ', s digitally restored cut  now available in stores . however  this version is quite different than maunau ', s original masterpiece . the movie is now sporting a new soundtrack by band type o - negative and color tinting  much like the 1984 version of lang ', s metropolis . now  i really appreciate what arrow entertainment is trying to do here  bringing a classic like this to the attention of a wider audience that might have otherwise just skipped this one . but alas  i like watching movies the way they were originally intended to be seen . but that ', s just my bag ; you may like the newer  more " modern " version better . either way  i suggest investing your money in a copy . if you like what they have done with it  pop it in the vcr and enjoy . if you ', re like me  just do what i ', ll do during future viewings ; turn the color all the way down on your television  hit mute  turn on some bach or mozart or whatever  dim the lights and prepare to view what is truly one of the greatest films ever made .
pos stendhal ', s syndrome : a condition where  in the presence of art  a person becomes engulfed in a painting and hallucinates and may afterwards suffer symptoms such as depression  suicidal behaviour and personality disorder . grim stuff  to be sure  but the subject of a remarkable film from italy ', s master of the horror thriller dario argento . boasting an unforgettable soundtrack from the grandfather of film music ennio morricone  the stendhal syndrome is a quite magnificent return to form for argento . it follows his disappointing american debut trauma ( 1992 )  the patchy opera ( 1987 ) and several mediocre films he produced for young italian director michele soavi in the late 1980 ', s . based on the novel by graziella magherini  the film stars argento ', s daughter asia as young roman police inspector anna manni in pursuit of a brutal rapist - killer . visiting florence to follow up several leads  she is lured by the killer alfredo ( thomas kretschmann ) to an art gallery  a favourite haunt where he hopes to identify exactly who is on his tail . at the gallery anna is overwhelmed by a painting and faints . posing as a bystander  alfredo briefly comes to her aid and having now identified his pursuer  a strange game of cat and mouse begins . a gripping story evolves  and a coherent one  too  which may surprise those familiar with argento ', s often lumpy narratives . the stendhal syndrome is not a simple cop - hunting - killer scenario . it is a disturbing and often compelling study of the central character ', s psychological disintegration . the script explores its psycho - sexual themes with intelligence and candour  perhaps too much so for more sensitive viewers . but as dark as its themes are  the stendhal syndrome emerges as one of the most artful and effective european thrillers of the last ten years . argento is once again working in his native italy  and he fully exploits the opportunities to use art and architecture for both symbolic statements and as departure points for several brilliant hallucinogenic sequences . effects whiz sergio stivaletti serves his director well here  and the cinematography by giuseppe rotunno is consistently excellent . the film ', s opening 20 minutes segues between hallucination  flashback and real - time with tremendous style . proof that  at his most inspired  argento remains one of the world ', s most exhilarating filmmakers . the cast is generally good  though marred at times by dubbing into english that renders speech all but emotionless . asia argento ', s performance is by turns risky  awkward and fascinating . it ', s a difficult role  and given her relative inexperience on screen she deserves applause for her efforts . thomas kretschmann is chillingly effective as alfredo  and marco leonardi ( of cinema paradiso  and possibly the most gorgeous looking man in italy ) does okay as anna ', s work colleague and increasingly confused love interest . but perhaps the stendhal syndrome ', s single most striking element is ennio morricone ', s soundtrack . active since the 1960 ', s  morricone has scored over 100 films in his career and this must rate as one of his finest efforts . it ', s mostly a variation on the one theme : a slow circular melody for strings and wordless female vocal possessed with an extraordinary  haunting beauty that lingers long afterwards . it ', s been three decades since argento and morricone worked together . this is a long welcome reunion . if the film has a fault  it is that the last half hour drags a little and the film doesn ', t quite reach a completely satisfying climax . but by the closing scenes  the stendhal syndrome has already offered us enough to qualify as one of the very best films of dario argento ', s career . * note : see the uncut print from japanese laserdisc if you can . dubs of this version are available from various video dealers on the world wide web .
pos close your eyes for a moment  if you will  and imagine the sound of stephen rea ', s gaelic brogue  silky smooth and irish like a pint of guinness . a lackadaisical  naughty little schoolboy voice that flirts and gambols . an acerbic  sing - song metered voice that evokes the startling imagery and language of anthony burgess ', " a clockwork orange . " a voice that deliciously conjures scenes both porcine and puerile  like those out of " delicatessen  " or " the tin drum . " imagine all of that  and you ', ll get a good sense of what you can expect from " the butcher boy . " imagine that and more . neil jordan ', s latest film " stars " rea in more ways than one . rea  the accomplished irish actor most notable from his star turn in jordan ', s " the crying game  " contributes a restrained and managed performance as da brady  a small town drunk in an unnamed irish community in the 1960s . but it ', s his wall - to - wall narration as the butcher boy of the title  da brady ', s son  francis  that makes rea ', s " performance " worth watching  worth listening to . and that ', s only half the fun . playing the young francie brady is newcomer eamonn owens and he is  without a doubt  a revelation . for as much as rea ', s voiceover permeates almost every scene of " the butcher boy  " owens commands virtually every frame . it ', s impossible to take your eyes off him . with his crop of carrot - colored hair  ruddy complexion  and overall grubby appearance  francie brady is an unlikely hero  refusing to be done in by his alcoholic  trumpet - playing father  his depressive  suicidal mother  or the neighboring  bespectacled monster known as mrs . nugent ( fiona shaw ) . in fact  everything was ok until " the nugent " came to town . now  she poses as much a threat to the safety and security of town bully francie and his best pal joe ( alan boyle ) as the looming commie menace ( " the butcher boy " is set at a time when the fear of nuclear obliteration is first and foremost in the minds of many ) . " pigs ! " screams mrs . nugent at the brady menagerie . " you ', re all pigs ! " it ', s the start of many a related image . after ma brady is shipped off to the " garage " for psychiatric observation and da brady downs one bottle of whiskey too many  francie finally loses grip of his fantasy world of cowboys and indians  the lone ranger  and other comicbook characters . squealing like a stuck pig  francie does " the likes o ', that " on the nugent ', s living room floor  and is himself whisked away to a very catholic remand home for " boney arsed bogmen  " where his ever fertile imagination -- and clever chicanery -- runneth over . director jordan ', s vivid treatment of pat mccabe ', s nightmare novel produces a sometimes disturbing  dark comedy littered with surreal touches ( such as sin ? ad o ', connor playing the virgin mary ) . it ', s not as outlandish as the trailers make out ; instead  this remarkable film focuses on the effects external influences have on the friendship between two boys ( schoolboy chums in real life )  allowing us to empathize with their plight in the presence of extraordinary behavior . it ', s bleak and it ', s black but it ', s fundamentally very funny . rea talks us through it  beautifully  and owens drags us though it  admirably  and  in tandem with jordan ', s sure hand  theirs are contributions to make " the butcher boy " a film worth savoring .
pos zero effect gets its title from the main character  daryl zero ( bill pullman )  although we don ', t understand what it truly means until the very last line of dialogue in the film . zero is a private investigator  perhaps the best private investigator who ever lived ( at least he ', d like to think so ) . however  he ', s a socially inept being  and eccentric in every possible way -- this fact certainly makes his talents as a private eye even more bewildering than they already are . zero ', s accomplice is steve arlo ( ben stiller )  a " normal " guy who does the business side of the job -- he ', s the one who actually speaks to clients and explains zero ', s greatness as an investigator . the opening scene has steve explaining the many virtues of zero ', s talents to soon - to - be client gregory stark ( ryan o ', neal ) . it turns out that stark has lost a key to a safe deposit box  and is now being blackmailed for something that he apparently knows nothing about . zero takes the case  and the plot thickens . his path leads to a young  pretty paramedic named gloria sullivan ( kim dickens ) . despite her luminous and seemingly - harmless presence  she turns out to be the one blackmailing stark . through his investigations  zero learns why  but not without developing feelings for gloria -- feelings that  because of his reclusive behavior  are new and confusing to him . i have no particular affinity towards the mystery genre of film . i can idly enjoy movies about private investigators  and  every once in a while  a film like chinatown comes a long that blows me away ( actually  no private eye film has ever reached chinatown ', s greatness ) . zero effect  which is jake kasdan ', s first effort as writer / director  is a film about a private investigator that succeeds in all attempts : it ', s an original  funny  and completely involving motion picture . with so many cliches available to this genre  i find it amazing that kasdan avoided all of them . but he didn ', t just successfully avoid flaws : he has created a great film here  one that had me interested and fascinated from the first shot to the final moment . take  for starters  the great cast of characters . pullman is terrific as zero  showing a comic flair that i really haven ', t seen from him since spaceballs . zero is the kind of guy who seems at ease switching personalities so frequently as he does here ; the fact that he ', s an almost exaggeratedly twisted  emotionally unstable man outside of his profession is not at all difficult to believe . pullman ', s performance is much more layered than it might seem at first glance  and the occasional voice - over as he ', s going through the motions of his job are insightful and often hilarious . ben stiller is also a very funny individual ; he ', s the kind of comedian who makes normal lines sound funny . " i ', ll shoot you  " he says to stark at one point . " i have a gun  and everything . " his character is also well - drawn  with an interesting subplot involving his girlfriend ( angela featherstone ) who is not happy with the extensive amounts of time he must spend away from her due to the unpredictability of his job . o ', neal also gives his character a bit of depth ; and kim dickens  last seen ( and underused ) in mercury rising  gets a chance to show us her talent here  giving gloria the realism this kind of character really needs . i find zero effect to be an immensely funny and witty film . kasdan ', s humor is of the best kind -- soft spoken  and mostly dialogue - driven ( though there are some great visual jokes ) . it ', s the kind of humor that ', s funny even after you ', ve seen it five or six times . there ', s one scene in which zero talks about how detached he is  an how that makes him such a great detective . what we see during this narration are various shots of him sitting on a bed  or standing motionlessly  with his hair destroyed and an utterly blank look painted on his unshaven face  his eyes pointing to something off camera  but obviously to nothing in particular . i can ', t convey to you how funny this is  but what makes it great film making is that it has a point -- scenes like this are frequent  and they provide solid characterization of zero . as a side note  i don ', t consider myself an average viewer when it comes to comedy ( not to sound elitist ) -- i find things funny that many do not  and vice versa . there was a clump of people near me in the theater laughing uproariously through this film  and the rest of the theater was relatively silent through most of it . i have a feeling the humor here won ', t appeal to everyone  but there ', s certainly enough story and character development to keep anyone ', s interest . jake kasdan  son of writer / director lawrence kasdan  is only 22 years old . i found this out after seeing the film  and i can ', t remember ever being so impressed with a film maker . his direction is stylish without being pretentious  and his writing is mature  full  and developed . zero effect is the kind of film that i ', ll buy for my collection -- smart  original films like this are rare as it is  but this one actually has a heart and a soul . at the end of the film  i was involved in the characters  and i was satisfied with the outcome . and  with kasdan ', s undeniable talent at such a young age  all i can do is hope to see a lot more from him in the future .
pos the long kiss goodnight ( r ) meryl streep tried it and failed . even pamela anderson lee made an attempt but fell flat on her well - bared assets . however  geena davis could very well become the first bankable american female action star with the long kiss goodnight  a preposterous but incredibly fun action thriller directed by her husband  renny harlin . davis plays samantha caine  a mousy suburban school teacher and mother whose memories only go back eight years . with the help of ethically questionable private detective mitch hennessey ( samuel l . jackson )  she slowly remembers -- and reclaims -- her past as charly baltimore  tough - as - nails cia operative . needless to say  with the reappearance of samantha / charly comes the appearance of an assortment of no - goodniks out to erase more than her memory . shane black netted a cool $ 4 mil for his script ; i ', m not so sure if his prose is truly deserving of such a hefty price tag  but for what it ', s worth  it delivers the goods . like black ', s previous work  such as lethal weapon and the last boy scout  the script juggles some impressive action scenes with funny  quirky dialogue . the humor especially works well in this case  for the story is so preposterous that the laughs help to keep things from taking things too seriously . but there ', s no argument that the more unbelievable sequences are original and entertaining as hell : who can resist the sight of davis tossing her daughter from a hole in her house into the nearby treehouse or chasing after a car . . . while ice skating ? jackson and davis make a good team . jackson is funny as ever as ever ; in fact  his spirited line deliveries  especially when he first appears  are more than reminiscent of his work as jules in pulp fiction . as good as he is  the one who should benefit the most from this project is davis  who shows much promise as an action heroine . what makes her so effective and why she should succeed where streep and lee failed is that she doesn ', t take herself too seriously . she is obviously in on the joke  slyly taking jabs at herself and at the situation . this is not to say that she doesn ', t need work -- sometimes she lays on the " toughness " a bit too thick and comes off too much as a caricature . but should the public embrace the film and  in turn  the notion of a kick - ass female  davis could have found her special niche . it seems as if davis and harlin ', s first collaboration  the middling pirate epic cutthroat island  was just a dress rehearsal ( albeit a very costly one ) for long kiss  in which the wife - husband team hit their action stride . anyone simply looking for a fun  escapist entertainment that requires little - to - no thinking will find this film to be a more - than - welcome kiss .
pos screen story by kevin yagher and andrew kevin walker . screenplay by andrew kevin walker . inspired by the short story the legend of sleepy hollow by washington irving . directed by tim burton . starring johnny depp  christina ricci  and casper van dien . special appearances by christopher lee and christopher walken . synopsis : investigator ichabod crane journeys to 1799 sleepy hollow to investigate a series of murders involving decapitation . townspeople believe the spirit of a dead german mercenary is threatening them . cute blonde katrina and a listless orphan help crane solve the mystery . comments : tim burton has directed a number of entertaining and groundbreaking films over the years . batman  of course  is perhaps his best - known film and led to a string of less successful sequels . he ', s done biographical work ( on the director ed wood )  children ', s movies ( nightmare before christmas )  and a homage to alien invasion movies ( mars attacks ! ) . sleepy hollow  his newest feature which fans have been anticipating for a while  shares the similar dark and atmospheric style of his earlier work and counts among his better movies . sleepy hollow quite obviously draws its inspiration from the old period horror films of the 1950s and 1960s  especially hammer studios ', reworkings of dracula and frankenstein  and american international ', s series of movies based on the works of edgar allan poe . christopher lee  in fact  star of many hammer productions over the years  appears at the beginning of sleepy hollow as a judge who sends ichabod crane out to investigate the murders . the movie also borrows from the universal monster movies of the 1930s . one of the climatic scenes involves a windmill and obviously takes its cue from frankenstein . i mention these allusions for a reason . seasoned horror film fans  including myself  will smile at their inclusion in this film . with the recent disappointments in theatrically released horror movies  especially the blair witch project ( the most overblown turkey of the decade )  we needed a film like this . not only does it have a sense of history  but burton ', s skillful use of setting and mood make this an entertaining exercise in horror . the film ', s eerie landscapes and foggy towns  indeed  overshadow the actors and the plot as the most noteworthy aspect of the movie . johnny depp  a veteran tim burton actor who has appeared both in ed wood and edward scissorhands  plays ichabod crane  who has apparently changed occupations from irving ', s original story and is now an investigator . depp is adequate in his role . no more ; no less . equally adequate is christina ricci  who plays the love interest in the film . she ', s a good witch too . how cute . one of the few weak parts of sleepy hollow is the wooden and cliched dialogue between the main characters . the two actors  however  carry the movie well enough  but the supporting cast is what makes this movie shine . veteran actors such as jeffrey jones and michael gough ( who played the butler alfred in all four recent batman flicks ) are terrific as the aging townsfolk involved in the conspiracy which depp uncovers . while i do not wish to reveal crucial plot points  i can say that the storyline becomes quite confusing . you have to pay attention . andrew kevin walker wrote the screenplay . he ', s the one who also wrote 8 mm and seven . walker is quickly becoming one of the premiere suspense writers in hollywood  and sleepy hollow certainly doesn ', t hurt his growing reputation . as one might imagine from a gentleman like walker  sleepy hollow is quite graphic . there ', s a lot of blood and a lot of beheadings . this is definately not a flick to take the young kids to . a lady in front of us took her two young sons to see it and spent about 25 - 30 minutes covering the youngest ', s eyes with her hand . he was obviously upset by the movie ', s intense violence . if you ', re looking for a good scare  however  sleepy hollow is definately recommended .
pos mpaa : not rated ( though i feel it would likely be pg  for martial - arts violence . ) with three movies already ( re ) released theatrically in america  and at least three more on their way  jackie chan is one of the newest " hot properties " in action adventure stardom  and it ', s just about time . for over twenty - five years  jackie ', s been starring in martial arts and action movies in hong kong  thrilling audiences with both an incredible grasp of acrobatics and martial arts and a wonderful sense of comedy . " drunken master " has the distinction of being the first jackie chan movie to " make it big " -- this is the movie that supposedly set jackie up for big stardom in hong kong . i ', m not entirely sure why  exactly . in many ways  " drunken master " is similar to most of jackie ', s other early films  such as " fearless hyena " i and ii  " master with cracked fingers "  " half a loaf of kung fu "  " spiritual kung fu "  and others . in fact  looking at all these early films together  one gets the impression that they were stamped out  cookie - cutter style  at a rate of four to six per year  all using the same casts and telling very similar stories . to be honest  i think that early jackie chan movies are something of an acquired taste . they ', re quite different from action movies as we know them in america . these films tend to be set in the chinese countryside in an indeterminate period sometime in the distant past  with fairly slow plots that often meander far afield and sometimes seem to exist only for the intention of stringing comedy and fight scenes together . " drunken master "  though its plot is tighter than some  is no exception . ( as an aside  " drunken master " was the first jackie chan movie i ever saw  and i saw it the way it was meant to be seen . . . in a movie theater in seattle  as part of an asian film festival . at the time  i didn ', t really think it was anything special . . . but after having seen more films like it  it ', s kind of grown on me . ) " drunken master " ', s storyline is very similar to that of other early jackie chan movies  such as " fearless hyena " i and ii and " master with cracked fingers " -- slacker martial arts student is taught the martial arts by a harsh - seeming master  and has a big fight with an evil bad guy in the end ( a formula that has been " adapted  " to put it kindly  by american films such as karate kid ) . more specifically  jackie chan plays the part of wong fei - hong  aka " naughty panther  " a fun - loving  practical - joking kung fu student who is too good at kung fu for his own good  but not _quite_ good enough . after embarrassing his instructor ', s assistant by beating him roundly  then beating up a bully in a marketplace  wong fei - hong tries to hit on a pretty girl  but discovers that she  and her mother  can hit back  better than he can . . . and is further chagrinned to discover that the two women are his cousin and aunt  respectively . his father  wong kei - ying  is unhappy about this  and is further annoyed when the father and brother of the bully show up to sue for damages . kei - ying soon institutes a harsh regimen of punishment  which fei - hong does not like at all . while escaping from this punishment  fei - hong meets up with a drunken old man  who proceeds to thrash him soundly  then take him on as a student and thrash him some more . this turns out to be su hua - chi  a legendary master of drunken - style kung fu . he assigns fei - hong a series of bizarre tasks  such as filling jugs with water while hanging upside down from a frame  cracking walnuts with his hands  and other such exercises  that seem like more pointless cruelty but are actually strengthening him up . then  when he ', s ready  he teaches him the seven styles of drunken kung fu . unfortunately  the lazy fei - hong only practices six of them . . . " drunken master " features some wonderful martial arts sequences  with jackie winning some fights and losing others . it ', s been said before  but i ', ll say it again -- these fights don ', t just _happen_  they ', re as carefully choreographed as any ballet performance  and it shows . in his fights  jackie often makes use of objects found in his environment -- benches  jugs  cups  bowls  fruits and vegetables -- often in new and surprising ways . the fight scenes  particularly those toward the end of the film  are unparallelled in most american films . whether jackie wins or loses  it ', s really something to see . . . and it ', s often as funny as anything  too . and funny is the other thing jackie chan is very  very good at . there ', s very little that ', s new in this movie -- jackie winning fights  jackie getting beaten badly by a master  jackie going through punishment or training . . . these schticks have all been seen before  in any one of several dozen similar jackie movies from the seventies and early eighties . but they ', re still hilarious as ever . likewise  jackie has a _great_ supporting cast  many of whom were also in other early jackie films  and they ', re often the source of plenty of hilarity on their own . the really big thing about " drunken master "  though  that inspired several copycats ( including a couple starring jackie himself ) and a sequel fifteen years later  was the drunken - style kung fu . i ', m not certain whether or not this is actually a genuine style of kung fu  but the principle behind it is to imitate the wobbly movements of a drunkard to lull the enemy into a false sense of security . . . and it apparently helps if you ', re drunk while you ', re doing it . genuine or not  i have to admit  there ', s just something incredibly fun about watching a fellow who looks utterly sloshed wading into a group of startled opponents and making mincemeat out of them before they even realize what ', s going on . come to think of it  perhaps this element is what accounts for this film ', s success over any of the other jackie films . . . it ', s not just martial arts  it ', s the kind of martial arts that makes you stop and go  " whoa . . . " on the negative side  the cinematography in this film is nothing special  the film stock is rather primitive  the plot is often rather slow  and the subtitles are sometimes extremely hard to read against the background . " gone with the wind "  this isn ', t . still  if you like martial arts films  or like what you ', ve seen so far of jackie chan and want to see more  give it a shot . it ', s much more " real " than chuck norris or jean - claude van damme . you might very well like it . another interesting thing about " drunken master " has to do with its video availability in the us . " drunken master " is the only early jackie chan movie that i know of that you can find in its original  letterboxed  hong kong subtitled form  commercially available on vhs ( from magnum video  in a gold box  for about $ 10 ) . there are plenty of other early jackie films around  but these are typically either in dubbed  pan - and - scanned form or else import tapes priced for rental instead of purchase . thankfully  " drunken master "  at least  is available in the aspect ratio in which it was meant to be seen  at a very affordable price . if you like " drunken master "  take a look at the numerous other early jackie chan films that are out there ( even the dubbed ones aren ', t really _too_ bad . . . if nothing else  you can enjoy the martial arts choreography while making fun of the dialogue ) . i particularly recommend " spiritual kung fu "  " half a loaf of kung fu "  the " fearless hyena " movies  and " snake & crane arts of shaolin " . also  the mostly - unrelated - storywise sequel  " drunken master ii "  will hit theaters in american release sometime later this year ( though what its american - release title will be is still uncertain ) and comes _highly_ recommended by this reviewer . also  for a rather different interpretation of the character wong fei - hong ( who is in fact a popular figure from chinese folklore )  i ', ve been told to suggest the " once upon a time in china " series starring jet li ( though i haven ', t personally seen any of them yet ) . if you choose to watch " drunken master "  i really hope you enjoy it  and i hope it starts to open your eyes to the wonderful world of asian cinema that ', s out there . all in all  i give this film an .
pos well  i know that stallone is 50 years old now  but in daylight he doesn ', t look it ! daylight is a great disaster movie . if you ', ve seen cliffhanger  you ', ll know stallone ', s character already . a guy with a bad past  but is in the right place at the wrong time . a tunnel connecting new york and new jersey has both sides collapses when a group of robbers collide with a truck carrying * very * flammable toxic waste . a dozen or so people survive the collapses and the incinerating fireball ( and what a fire ball it was ! ) stallone  a former emergency medical service man  is chauffeuring a rich couple around  when they reach the outside of the tunnel  before the explosion . then  30 minutes into the movie  boom ! > from here on  the plot takes a back seat  and we are treated to some of the best camera work and action staged . most all the action is plausible and will hold you at the edge of your seat . there are a few melodramatic parts here  but  they tend to work out well . there is no general antagonist in this film  but the action and suspense makes you forget all about that . daylight is a great film  i saw a non - matinee showing of it  and i thought it was worth every penny . the characterizations are mostly flat  one dimesional  but they have enough in them to get you to care for some of the characters . rob cohen ( dragonheart ) does a great job with this film .
pos logical time travel movies are a near - impossibility . considering that the skeptic ', s best argument against the possibility of time travel is the idea of altered realities  writing a script that deals with this problem is an imposing task . occasionally  we get a film that does manage it . terry gilliam ', s " 12 monkeys " was one such film . but more frequently  we get films that don ', t much deal with it at all . there is one question to ask in this case : does the film have other virtues that override the existing logical inconsistencies ? the " terminator " films made up for them with exciting action  " back to the future " did it with an entertaining story  and the new film " frequency " pulls off the trick with a strong package of its own . is " frequency " filled with plot holes ? yes . does it matter ? not really . the film opens in october of 1969 . firefighter frank sullivan ( dennis quaid ) puts his life on the line every time he suits up for his job  then goes home to his loving wife julia ( elizabeth mitchell ) and son johnny ( daniel henson ) . the double - pronged story flashes forward to 1999  where johnny ( now jim caviezel ) is all grown up and working as a police detective . a strange occurrence -- the appearance of aurora borealis over new york city -- allows father and son to communicate through the same ham radio frank used in ', 69 and that john has found in the present day . though both are initially skeptical of the idea  john eventually takes this opportunity to warn his father against his impending death in a warehouse fire  and he succeeds in saving frank from certain doom . now flooded with memories of a full life with his father alive  john is initially overjoyed  until he discovers that the changes to the timeline have been disastrous : a serial killer that would have died has instead lived to kill seven more women . frank and john now must work together to set things right  with john using the information he has gathered in the future to instruct frank on what to do in the past . the premise of " frequency " is unusual  and requires getting over one very important mental hurdle to fully accept : john and frank are the only ones conscious of how the timeline has been changed as a result of their actions . this isn ', t explained ; you just have to go with it . when frank doesn ', t die in a fire  john is the only one who remembers it differently  while everyone else remembers it the new way . the concept also runs into problems concerning just how synchronous the two realities -- 1969 and 1999 -- are to each other . sometimes frank ', s changing the past results in something happening right away in john ', s world  and sometimes john gets the changes ahead of time . now  the filmmakers might have perfectly good explanations for this  and i could probably come up with something fairly convoluted ( but nevertheless logical ) if i thought about it hard enough ( for example  the reason john gets advance information of the serial killer ', s murders was because the change had already happened in frank ', s world  and john is only witnessing the * projection * of that change )  but explanations aren ', t really the point . when " frequency " gets cooking  it ', s a riveting little thriller  even if it is confusing . what matters to a film like this is if the plot makes sense in the moment  and " frequency " works as long as it keeps moving . the film manages to be engaging despite the logical confusion . director gregory hoblit and screenwriter toby emmerich structure " frequency " as good hollywood entertainment  establishing decent  likable characters  making us care for them  and setting up a goal to be reached and a conflict to be resolved . i liked many of the creative touches : the split screens  allowing us to see how the universe is being affected in both realities  and the greater framework of baseball to drive the action forward . it actually uses the 1969 mets - orioles world series ( the one that featured the amazin ', mets ) to great effect -- frank uses john ', s advance knowledge of the series outcome to convince his friends to believe him . ( admittedly  this device may only be of interest to a baseball fan like myself . ) i even liked the final scene  which features frank and john both fighting the same man simultaneously in different time periods . some may find this scene blindingly confusing  as the reality shifts start coming fast and furious  but it does make sense if you think about it ( and give the script a lot of leeway )  and let ', s face it : it ', s a darn cool way to end the film . there are enough surprises and plot twists in " frequency " to keep you on your toes  and as a result the movie avoids growing stagnant . the other major thing to appreciate about " frequency " is the handling of the father - son relationship . quaid and caviezel carry off their parts easily ; it ', s a rock - solid job from both actors . the relationship is instantly credible because they find the human truth behind the high concept : how would one react to being able to communicate with a dead relative  or with a future descendant ? watching the exchanges between frank and john will give you a pretty good idea of how to answer that question . the credibility of the human relationship is absolutely crucial to the rest of the film ; if we don ', t believe in the characters  we don ', t care about the outcome of the thriller plot . here  we do care  because we like the lead actors . i also liked some of the supporting cast members . elizabeth mitchell gets stuck with two thankless roles  playing julia the doting wife * and * mother  but still performs admirably . andre braugher  late of the television show " homicide : life on the street  " gives a nice supporting turn as frank ', s best friend and future colleague of john . he has a lovely scene in a diner in which he tries to explain the situation to julia while frank ', s world series predictions come true before his very eyes . braugher strikes the perfect facial expression here  simultaneously dismayed and amused . perhaps the only thing i didn ', t like about " frequency " is the overly sentimental coda  during which the camera ', s focus goes a little too soft and the baseball theme gets carried overboard . but that ', s only because the film had already earned a poignancy without resorting to cheap tactics . i freely acknowledge that " frequency " may best work as a " guy " movie  since it focuses on the very male - oriented idea of father - son relationships ( echoes of " field of dreams " can be easily heard )  but the underlying concept is universally applicable . who wouldn ', t want to speak with a long - dead parent ? or see how their children turn out ? " tell me about your life  son " -- excuse me while i mist up . and don ', t call me a sissy .
pos blade is the movie that shows that wesley snipes really can live up to his potential as one of hollywood ', s premier leading men . blade is based on the comic book character of the same name and has that comic book kind of feel to it . it is a very stylish movie and for the most part that style works very well . although  at a few points i thought i was watching a music video as opposed to a movie . the ideas behind blade are good  as is the basic plot of the story . but at times  things seem to get a bit muddled  and the writers appear to want to do too many things at once . that really doesn ', t take away from the story too much  but it does hurt it a little bit . blade ( snipes ) is half man  half vampire . his mother was bitten by a vampire when she was pregnant with him and as a result he has many of the classic traits of a vampire . including a thirst for human blood that must be kept under control by a special serum which quenches his blood lust . blade has spent his life hunting down and killing vampires as a sort of revenge for the fact that one of their kind killed his mother . but this isn ', t as easy as it seems  because the vampires in blade ', s world are more sophisticated than the ones that you find in most films . the government and other authorities know of the existence of vampires  but they let them feast of the population at large because they are taking bribes from the vampires . where do vampires get money ? well  in blade  they run multinational companies in order to finance their vampire organizations . i personally thought that this whole secret corporate world run by vampires to be a very clever idea  and a great addition to the movie . blade runs up against the evil deacon frost ( stephen dorff ) a maverick in the vampire community . he isn ', t content to live among humans  and is convinced that the vampire race is the superior one and he means to insure its superiority . he has managed to translate the ancient vampire scrolls that tell of the method of making him an all - powerful vampire -- rendering him virtually unstoppable . it ', s up to blade to see that this doesn ', t transpire . admittedly  blade is style over substance through and through . the story is a relatively forgettable one  but it is fun none the less . the acting in blade is just about what you would expect from a movie of this type . this isn ', t a film that is going to win accolades for its performances  and the actors know this . the movie is played for fun and nobody seems to think otherwise . it ', s a popcorn movie  and no one involved has any illusions otherwise . blade ', s production values are as slick as any that you will find in your typical summer blockbuster . the combat sequences between blade and his vampire targets are incredibly well done . although  the mtv - style cuts did get on my nerves after a while during long sequences . blade is a fun movie with an interesting take on the vampire genre . this is not the movie for those of you who like your vampires in tuxedos and living in coffins in the basement of some gothic castle . what blade excels at is bringing the classic lore of the vampire into the next century with a fresh outlook on life . very cool .
pos the truman show ( paramount pictures ) running time : 1 hour 42 minutes starring jim carrey and ed harris directed by peter weir after a long wait  jim carrey ', s dramatic debut finally makes it to the big screen . in case you ', ve been asleep for the last few months  the plot centres on truman burbank ( carrey ) who leads an seemingly idyllic life in the beautiful town of seahaven . his life seems so perfect  however  because it ', s controlled by christoff ( harris ) creator of the truman show  the program burbank is unwittingly the hero of . that ', s right  burbank ', s life is being broadcast live to the american public  and seahaven and all it ', s inhabitants are inclosed in a massive sound stage . the film takes the jerry springer format one step too far . . . with an idea so different  it would be easy for the director and screenwriter to dumb it down and appeal to the lowest common denominator . luckily  the film remains sensible enough to appeal to all ages  yet never seems to be a dumb carrey movie . talking of carrey  he ', s perfect in this movie  enjoying the best role in his career . his character is a re - inforced stanley ipkiss from the mask ( 1994 ) and is completely suited to carrey ', s persona . he occasionally falls into ace ventura mode  shrieking and being silly  but generally the audience is watching subdued carrey . he ', s not completely dramatic like the film promises  however . ed harris brings an extreme intensity to christoff  the megalomaniac creator of the show . quiet and well spoken  he burns an image into the viewer . unfortunately  he ', s barely in the film  and for the first hour dosen ', t appear at all ! also disappointing is natascha mcelhone ', s character sylvia . she plays the role well  but her character is sadly underwritten and is pushed to the sidelines just when the audience is used to her . the supporting cast is excellent  and the town of seahaven looks delightfully perfect  so perfect it ', s creepy . the philip glass soundtrack is also superb  and is used to great effect during the film . peter weir keeps the film going  clearly having fun . the film is far more upbeat than his previous films dead poets society and green card . although it is slightly slow to begin with  about half an hour into film the pace really picks up  and when christoff is introduced fully the film is on a roll . sadly  though  the film is practically over when the film is in full steam . also  concerning the ending  it is slightly too ambiguous  which was disappointing . the screenwriter  andrew niccol  who bought us gattaca ( 1997 ) delivers an entertaining script  and manages to keep the plot in trim . while christoff ', s plans to keep truman in do get increasingly silly  they never go over the line  which would have been easy for niccol to do . also  there ', s some funny gags involving product placement and the people who watch the show . overall  the truman show is excellent entertainment . certainly different from the usual crap hollywood produces  it should be viewed by everyone . it offers something to every member of the audience  and you would almost certainly not come out disappointed . overall rating = review by david wilcock ? 1998 " you know  for kids " - norville barnes
pos no film in recent has left me with such conflicted feelings as neil jordan ', s harrowing  humorous  horrifying adaptation of patrick mccabe ', s novel about young lad francie brady ', s ( eamonn owens ) descent into madness in 1960s ireland . on one hand  it was difficult for me to become invested in francie ', s story because he is such an unsavory character  unjustifyably venting his rage at his nosy but otherwise harmless neighbor mrs . nugent ( fiona shaw ) . on another hand  i found it difficult to laugh at some of francie ', s darkly comic shenanigans because he obviously is such a sick  needy child  having been raised by a drunken father ( stephen rea ) and a suicidal mother ( aisling o ', sullivan ) . on yet another hand  i also found it difficult to completely sympathize with francie during his more emotional scenes because some of his  for lack of a better word  " bad " deeds are so incredibly shocking in their brutality and the malicious glee in which he performs them . however  the butcher boy ', s power is undeniable  and the film as a whole is unforgettable -- perhaps because it is so disturbing . what makes it so unsettling is the francie ', s overall wink - wink yet matter - of - fact attitude about everything  expressed in a cheeky voiceover narration delivered by the adult francie ( rea again ) . think heavenly creatures played largely for laughs  and you ', ll sort of understand . anchoring the whole film is the astonishing debut performance of owens ; love francie or hate him  you cannot take your eyes off of owens . the butcher boy truly is a twisted  unusual film that is bound to make just about anyone uncomfortable . in the lobby after the screening  i overheard one man raving about how great yet disturbing it was ; i also heard one particularly offended woman say with disgust  " that movie was so unfunny ! " " i didn ', t know what to expect . it ', s like something you chase for so long  but then you don ', t know how to react when you get it . i still don ', t know how to react . " -- michael jordan  on winning his first nba championship in 1991 . . . or  my thoughts after meeting him on november 21  1997
pos just how inseparable is the team of sgt . martin riggs ( mel gibson ) and sgt . roger murtaugh ( danny glover ) ? let ', s just say that when one partner asks the other partner to strip to his boxer shorts and then further asks him to run out into the middle of the road  flapping his arms while feverishly cackling like a chicken just to create a distraction  his partner actually does it ! the familiar lethal weapon family is back  including rene russo  who is now the expectant mother of riggs ', child and joe pesci as the soprana - like  foul - mouthed former accountant who has decided to become a private eye . new to the team is chris rock  also a fast - talking  up and coming detective . trouble seems to follow the two veteran detectives where ever they go  and in this film  that is no exception . even when they are just taking a leisurely boat ride  they somehow manage to collide with a freighter ship . we here some ominous music  which clues us that a confrontation is about to happen . gunfire ensues  and when it ', s all over  the detectives want to learn more about this freighter by questioning a chinatown crime lord . although they don ', t know what they ', re looking for  their inquisitiveness causes the bad guys to take some action . and there ', s plenty of action here for two movies . led by fighting sensation jet li  whose martial arts skill is nothing less than impressive  he does what he can to make sure that no one finds out what they are up to . li is ruthless in his approach  will kill anyone just to make a point  and develops enormous disdain for the two detectives . there are terrific car chases  explosions and gunshot galore . it ', s a summer action recipe followed to the letter  and the result is nothing less than pure  unadulterated summer fun . but even too many explosions can get boring . to counter that  we are treated to several amazingly choreographed fight sequences with jet li . luckily  he ', d rather fight hand - to - hand instead of firing off guns . meanwhile  when the detectives aren ', t reloading their guns or running from fireballs  they ', re engaged in sophomoric banter and silly conversations that provide a nice diversion from the hail of bullets . everybody gets in on the shtick . russo screams during her delivery  the crime lord has a few funny bits when he ', s being interrogated while being given laughing gas  and pesci and rock are very funny as they go at it discussing the drawbacks of having cellular phones . gibson and glover are always in sync and the film moves at a brisk pace to get to the final and terrific mano a mano . score one for the old guard .
pos since 1990  the dramatic picture has undergone a certain change of style . now  instead of emphasizing feel - good stories replete with characters of noble virtues  the screenplays and direction point toward human struggle and sorrow . this realist tendancy can be inspiring at times  as 1993 ', s schindler ', s list shows . most of today ', s mainstream drama  however  creates an overabundance of emoting that can turn off members of the audience . that ', s why pictures like october sky  which are a throwback to the good ol ', dramas of yesteryear  are such a welcome relief in contemporary cinema . the movie is based on the true story of homer hickam ( jake gyllenhaal )  a teenager in the 1950 ', s company town of coalwood  west virginia . it ', s a well - known fact that the only boys to make a name for themselves are the ones that get out of the town on football scholarships ; the rest grow up to work in the coal mine . the mine  which is run by homer ', s father ( chris cooper )  is not the place for homer  however . after watching the soviet satellite sputnik shoot across the october sky in 1957  homer feels a connection with the outside world -- as he puts it  " anyone in the world could look up and see the same thing i did . " drafting two of his best friends and the brainiac outcast  homer begins to construct rockets . with the help of their history teacher  miss riley ( laura dern )  and several mine workers  the four are soon bound for great things . october sky is a skillfully crafted film  and most of that credit must go to director joe johnston . johnston -- whose career in the film industry includes everything from directing well - known titles like jumanji and the rocketeer down to an uncredited role as a death star trooper in star wars -- certainly knows what he ', s doing here . he molds characters which are true to life and also fun to watch into a plot that is straightforward and robust . he does not push any barriers  but instead adopts a conservative style of filmmaking which enhances the film ', s charm . his finesse brings out elements which might otherwise be lost -- such as the relationships between homer and various mine workers  or the silent struggle between homer ', s mother and father . the cast is well chosen  although the true bright spots are the supporting roles . laura dern ( jurassic park ) lends a strong performance in the role of the history teacher  giving the boys the support and guidance they need . her role is instantly likeable . chris cooper ( the horse whisperer )  as homer ', s father  is less likeable -- even downright despicable at times -- but his turn here gives gravity to the movie . he ', s definitely a driving force in homer ', s life  and his more humane moments give the piece a certain dynamic that is commendable . the script is generally cheerful  projecting the boys ', endeavors in a lighthearted manner . there are moments when it becomes predictable -- such as the train tracks scene -- and there are moments when it sacrifices orginality for the need to come up with an emotional plot twist . it highlights the essence of youth  however  and for its exceptional job at this it can be forgiven other missteps . october sky should be a success with audiences . although it doesn ', t have the appeal of current teen flicks like varsity blues or she ', s all that  it certainly holds an undeniable quality that older crowds will lean towards . it ', s a welcome change to the dramatic genre  and one that everyone should see .
pos a big surprise to me . the good trailer had hinted that they pulled the impossible off  but making a blues brothers movie without jake blues ( john belushi ) is such a dumb idea i really had no hope . they replaced him just fine . not with john goodman  he didn ', t do much of anything  but with the brilliant actor joe morton  who can really sing . the fourth blues brother is j evan bonifant  who ', s ten . this was another of my fears for the film  but he ', s a really good dancer  and plays a mean harmonica ( although he may have been dubbed ) . things that intellectually had bothered me before  like no mission from god  everyone being richer  it not being filmed in chicago -- gave me no problems at all . i ', m quite pleased that there were less car pile - ups  because they meant less music  and john landis seems to have lost interest in the whole thing . there ', s a few early crashes  and then one huge pile - up  but after that it all stops . it ', s just the music . one of my problems with the first is that cab calloway ', s song is so good the actually blues brothers look dull after him  but there ', s no problems with this . the music is all as good as ever  tons of great musicians showing up -- with the exception of johnny lang  who can ', t sing  all the musicians do a great job . the only real problems i had was the special effects . these were superfluous and a waste of money . since the film isn ', t doing very well  they could mean we have no possibility of another sequel  which i want to see . the bluegrass version of riders in the sky is even better than rawhide . -- http : // www . geocities . com / hollywood / academy / 8034 / remove no spam to reply . " drive carefully but recklessly "  mama  child ', s toy " the only excercise i take is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise . " peter o ', toole
pos after having heard so many critics describe " return to me " as an old - fashioned hollywood romance  i kept asking myself going into this movie : what exactly is an old - fashioned hollywood romance ? what made " return to me " old - fashioned and old - hollywood ? was it the tunes from sinatra  etc .  legendary singers the senior citizens in the film constantly harp on ? was it the glamorous  sophisticated feel ? the charisma of the two leads ? even now i can ', t say that i have gotten any closer to the real answer  because i haven ', t see that many old - fashioned hollywood romances . i don ', t think any of the romances i ', ve seen have been classified as such . which leaves me the option of vaguely agreeing with my fellow critics -- " return to me " was old - fashioned in the sense that it reminded me of the way the younger generation perceive venerated old hollywood magic  the way i perceive cinnamon spice and apple cider . it was traditional  magical . we knew it couldn ', t be too daring  or have any surprising plot twists that many cynical modern romances are apt to throw in . it was a romance told with such endearing simplicity  tenderness  and love ( from director bonnie hunt ) that it couldn ', t help but sparkle with charm despite its shortcomings . the film owes a lot of what it has to bonnie hunt ', s direction . from the very first bird ', s eye view of chicago  zooming in slowly toward the insignificant bob rueland ( david duchovny )  accompanied by the " return to me " ballad ( by whom ? )  we can tell we ', re in for something sweet . the scenes between the characters are endearing  truthful  with just a hint of fantasy . real people don ', t act that way ; real people aren ', t that nice . we know all this  and yet we want to believe in these folks ', existence . the premise itself seems to have sprung out of a fairytale  but hunt ', s rooting the fairytale in common chicago folk simultaneously lends credit to the scenario and tinges everyday urban life with a hint of the ethereal . everything is ordinary -- yet beautiful -- in this film . > from the festive little family restaurant to grace ( minnie driver ) and bob ', s wardrobes . from the eloquent  not - in - a - hurry to progress storyline to the dainty watercolors that grace paints . from the animal stars to the way all the characters interact on screen -- the most beautiful part . " return to me " has done an excellent job of assembling together a group of actors who blend in effortlessly as a family : the audience has no trouble at all believing that this rambunctious family actually does exist . we care for them  laugh with them  cry with them ; we ', re concerned that the little boy will pick up cursing from his father . whatever hunt did  she brought out the naturalism in all of the actors . disappointingly  david alan grier ', s charlie  however much i like him  was the most flatly - written . duchovny here does a laudable job of shaking off his fox mulder persona -- with the help of his fellow co - stars rarely do we see any hint of special agent fox mulder . instead we have a normal guy who when he falls in love shows more delight than fox mulder will show over the span of an entire season of " the x - files . " duchovny  who is excellent at understatement and self - deprecation as an actor showcases his considerable comedic talent on screen . minnie driver is engaging as always as the sweet  innocent grace with nothing but a good heart to offer . though an unlikely pair  duchovny and driver gradually warm up to each other as the movie progresses . while " return to me " functions remarkably as a laugh - out - loud comedy  a romantic scenic tour through chicago  and a tearjerker  the story is set up so the film ends up having nowhere to develop . the entire climax of the film hinges on when and how grace is going to tell bob that she actually was the recipient of his wife ', s heart . we already know that there ', s going to be a happy ending ; we feel like we spend the entire film  however enjoyably  in a straight line going towards that point . as a result bob and grace click almost too quickly -- yes  i know she ', s supposed to have his ex - wife ', s heart and everything -- it seems too effortless . the main subject is a love story  and the family scenes i love so much unfortunately are overused and distract from the turmoil of the two main characters ( whose story might not have that much meat after all ) . however  in the spirit of " return to me  " it won ', t do to be too picky about how " old " hollywood tells its stories . i loved knowing that this was a labor of love for bonnie hunt . it shows . the bottom line : " return to me " is nothing remarkable  and yet its sweetness  sincerity  and charm might touch your heart in ways that you hadn ', t imagined .
pos wild things is a suspenseful thriller starring matt dillon  denise richards  and neve campbell that deals with all the issues ; sex  love  murder  and betrayal . the setting of the film is a town named blue bay . it consists of many swamps and slums and  on the other hand  rich estates owned by the town ', s different benefactors . the film opens just before the beginning of a senior seminar at the town ', s ritzy  expensive high school . it is here that we meet all of the core characters . there ', s guidance counselor sam lombardo  police officers ray duquette and gloria perez  dark mysterious senior suzie toller  and the popular head cheerleader kelly van ryan . we first see that all of the senior girls are smitten with the handsome guidance counselor  but none more than kelly . throughout the first portion of the film we see how far kelly will go to get sam until she accuses him of rape . shortly after  suzie  too  confesses that sam raped her as well . this pushes kelly ', s sex craving mother  sandra  to stop at nothing until sam is convicted . during the trial  kelly gives a teary confession of how sam raped her . however  it is later revealed by suzie that sam never raped either of the girls  it was all a vengeful plan against the guidance counselor . after sam is cleared  kelly ', s mother pays sam a very substantial amount of cash in order for him not to sue her . it is then revealed that sam  kelly  and suzie were all in on it together . it is here that the film starts to reveal just who is being honest with each other and who has their own hidden agenda . matt dillon stars as sam lombardo . sam is the kind of guy that every woman would like to sink their claws into  and sam obviously knows it and uses it to his own advantage . he isn ', t the obvious best of actors  but dillon does give a convincing performance . however  his talents seem to be rendered useless near the end of the film  making it look as though his character has lost all of his ethics and principles  although he never had many to start out with in the first place . neve campbell  who most people relate to scream and scream 2  plays blue bay outcast suzie toller . suzie obviously has some serious issues to deal with which are obvious from her first scene in the film . campbell is very successful with this character  adding the slightest bit of charm to a seemingly repulsive character and making her fun to watch . playing kelly van ryan is denise richards . kelly is your typical  rich  sexy  head cheerleader who thinks she can have any man she choses  like her sexpot mother sandra . one of the most interesting things about this film is how it compares and contrasts the relationship between kelly and her mother . denise richards  still hot off the press from starship troopers  gives the most interesting performance in the entire film . in the beginning  kelly looks to be a paper thin character  but richards adds a little more spice and ultimately makes the character not only sexy  but dominating as well . kevin bacon gives one of his fair performances as ray duquette . this character looks to be one of the most boring  predictable in the film . however  it is a relationship revealed between him and suzie that adds depth to his story . still  the film doesn ', t seem to gain much from bacon ', s performance  only his name . in the supporting cast  theresa russell plays the much oversexed sandra van ryan  daphne rubin - vega gives an unappealing performance as cop gloria perez  and bill murray shines as sam ', s lawyer  ken bowden . hats off to murray for adding the perfect touch of comedy to the film . although wild things was displayed by the press as being an erotic thriller  the eroticism  which is portrayed with good taste  is kept to a minimum and focuses more on the plot and the relationships between the characters . this is truly a very good film worth seeing if your looking for a movie with a thick plot filled with it ', s share of twists .
pos * * * * * * minor plot spoilers in review * * * * * * * * * * * * no major spoilers are in review * * * * * * the previous two " alien " films have each had their own unique styles to them . the ridley scott ', s alien was very much a stylistic suspense film . james cameron ', s aliens was much more of an action film . and i liked each film separately for which it was . now alien 3 is out . and it is it ', s own film in the same right that alien and aliens were . unlike aliens  alien 3 requires that you have seen aliens . this is very important as the story picks up exactly were aliens left off . the survivors of the expedition to lv - 426 are returning home after battling and beating the aliens . the climactic fight scene between ripley and the mother alien on the sulaco in aliens left behind one item  an egg . in the opening sequence we see the egg hatch  find its quarry  which leads to a fire aboard the sulaco when the facehugger is injured  an leads the sulaco to jettison the hypersleep tubes in an escape vessel . this vessel crash lands on fury 109 . everyone in the vessel is killed  except ripley . the facehugger is jettisoned with them and survives the crash . fury 109 is an ex - mining / maximum security prison . when closed down  some of the lifer prisoners decided to stay and live out the remaining years on the planet . all the prisoners are men who have not seen a woman in many years . ripley ', s arrival sparks a problem with the inmates . as for the new haircut that ripley and the prisoner ', s sport  there is an infestation of lice on the planet . being an ex - prison means that there is no way off the planet and no weapons . so the prisoners and ripley are off to face the alien on their own . i will not go into detail  but you can guess what happens here . the alien is loose and no one believes ripley ', s outstanding story . she finds comfort in the arms of the colony ', s doctor . yes  after 57 years ripley has sex . it is not gratuitous  in fact  we don ', t even see them kiss  but it is just as well . a sweaty sex scene would not have worked in the context of the film . there is a lot more gore in alien 3 . in fact i would guess to say that there is more in alien 3 than either of the earlier two . it also sports a new alien with 4 legs ! i won ', t say how  but it leads us to believe a few new things about the alien and its cycle  which i am sure will be explored in alien 4 . sigourney weaver is back as ripley and provides another excellent performance of this character . her scene during the autopsy of newt is enough to garnish her another academy nomination . the rest of the cast is also quite good . notably  charles dance as the doctor with whom ripley finds momentary escape from fury 109 . alien 3 has a very distinct look . this is due largely to its director  david fincher . mr . fincher  who until now has only directed music videos and commercials  has done an incredible job here . his direction is excellent and makes this film come to life in ways no " alien " film has before . for mr . fincher  i see a long prosperous career ahead of him . the music was also done by a newcomer to the film industry . elliot goldenthal has created a deeply moving score which lends itself to the claustrophobic setting that the " alien " series been set in . this time the score is not so much a rip off of star trek ii ( james horner ', s aliens ) . this score has a choral back up at times and even lends itself to the old style of ennio morricone scoring . this is a great score . the ending to alien 3 is quite good . there were times i thought that hollywood would come in and screw it up  but it played very nicely . i will not ruin the ending for you . go see the film . i consider it to be a much more involved film than any of the other films released so far this season . alien 3 is a worthy successor to aliens and alien . and when they make alien 4  perhaps they will be able to find yet another new direction to take it in .
pos are you tired of all the hot new releases being gone by the time you get to the video store ? wafflemovies . com is dedicated to finding those hidden gems that lie on the shelves . everyweek  wafflemovies . com reviews independent film and big studio pictures that deserve a second chance on video . here is a sample review : welcome to sarajevo in light of america ', s recent intervention in kosovo  welcome to sarajevo is a reminder of the horror america and the world ignored for years . set in sarajevo 1992 and based on actual events  this picture examines the human and societal casualties of war . the picture opens with a family escorting their young bride to her wedding . as they make their way down the street  a sniper shoots the mother of the bride . yet another reminder that daily life in war torn sarajevo can never escape the horror of war . in this scene  we meet joe flynn ( woody harrelson )  an american reporter who stops reporting to help a priest carry the mortally wounded mother into a church . joe is cocky  but also good at heart as he continues to carry out kind deeds for people he doesn ', t even know . his fellow reporter is the british michael henderson ( stephen dillane ) . michael is quickly growing tired of the horror that surrounds him and the world ', s lack of interest . henderson is haunted by the memory of an altar boy who witnesses the mother ', s death as well as a young girl who he finds orphaned in a hospital after a mortar attack on citizens waiting in line for bread . he decides to take action when a united nations ', delegation descends upon the area to declare yugoslavia the fourteenth most dangerous place on earth . henderson begins a series profiling an orphanage located on the front lines . he finds children of all ages living in fear and taking care of each other with the help of one adult . during his visits  he befriends a pre - teen girl  emira ( emira nuseric ) who serves as surrogate mother to baby roadrunner . he promises to get emira out of harm ', s way if he gets the chance . after the un delegation leaves the country without rescuing any of the children  henderson loses hope . however  his reporting has grabbed the attention of nina ( marisa tomei ) and her children ', s aid group that helps to find homes for the yugoslavian orphans . unfortunately  only babies are wanted for adoption  so henderson pledges to take emira to england . the group of children  nina and henderson depart the front lines on a dangerous escape for italy . can they complete this dangerous trek through the war torn countryside and avoid hostile troops gathering up muslims for concentration camps ? the movie was beautifully and sensitively made . director michael winterbottom and screenwriter frank cottrell boyce vividly express the societal destruction that has occurred . they show the destroyed lives  families that have been split up  and the desolation that everyone attempts to cope with . this is best exemplified by the group of yugoslavians henderson  his producer and flynn have befriended . the group of twenty - somethings reside in a bombed out bar without life ', s simplest pleasures and amenities . one of them is an accomplished musician who spends his days playing the piano and promising to play a concert when sarajevo is declared the most dangerous place on earth . like the rest of those deeply effected by the war  this small group tries to survive instead of trying to live . winterbottom brilliantly intersplices scenes with actual news footage to give the film the feel of a documentary and keeps the viewer aware that many of these horrors are being carried out thousands of miles away as you sit safely in your living room . the picture is also bolstered by beautiful cinematography that captures the devastation of this city that hosted the 1984 olympics . winterbottom and boyce also produce a realistic portrayal of the reporters covering the atrocities . this portrayal is much more flattering to reporters than earlier wafflemovies . com selection mad city . we watch them struggle to cover the horror  while trying to remain professionally detached . however  they are human and question the reason behind it all  why no one cares  and how they can get out . stephen dillane is wonderful as henderson . he portrays the character as an everyman caught in the middle of extraordinary events . dillane avoids making the character overly heroic and preachy . henderson realizes that he cannot save the world  but he can help a few . it is a wonderful opportunity for dillane after he had to suffer through the denis leary - sandra bullock disaster two if by sea . woody harrelson continues to prove that he is one of the finest  most versatile actors of his generation . harrelson plays the cocky celebrity reporter with a heart of gold by allowing the character ', s caring nature and vulnerability shine through . harrelson is equally adept at taking on roles as zany leading men ( cheers  white men can ', t jump ) as well as excellent supporting roles such as this one . this ability will serve him well and give him a long  successful career . america ', s involvement in this struggle comes seven years after the events of the movie take place . for those who do not have a full understanding of the history of the conflict  the entire movie  most importantly the opening scenes  provide a history lesson . war is a foreign concept to most of us in america . battles are fought thousands of miles away among people we have no attachment to . televised images of the gulf war are all the experience most of us have with war . this picture brings it right into your living room and makes you think outside of our own small world  something we don ', t do enough of in 90 ', s america .
pos many people dislike french films for their lack of closure . while possibly shallow  i ', ve often had a desire for a sense of epiphany  or at least a resolution  in the films which i view . there is no revelation in un coeur en hiver in the traditional ; however  the film is incredibly successful in its passionate dramatization of a passion - denying protagonist  stephane ( daniel auteuil ) . stephane ( daniel auteuil ) is a master violin maker . he is passionless about all that which surrounds him except his craft and the music which his craft is responsible for producing . even the relationship between he and his boss  maxime ( andre dussollier ) is a controlled  and almost manipulated association  highlighted by the fact that stephane permits maxime to win close squash matches . in the beginning of the movie  stephane is a closed  solitary individual and the audience is carefully left to wonder about the depth of emotion behind this enigmatic man . camille kessler ( emmanuelle beart ) is a master violinist and the new love of maximes . maxime is so much in love with camille that he plans to and does leave his wife . like stephane  camille is outwardly very controlled and reserved  sacrificing all thought and emotion to her violin and the music which emerges . when stephane and camille meet  there is a recognition of a bonding by both individuals . however  whereas camille submits to the wild interplay of emotions which she now feels for stephane  stephane only admits that camille is attracted to him . stephane ignores his feelings for camille  which the audience cannot help but to see is present . as the movie progresses  the two characters become more and more polarized in their views and emotions for one another . these two people  with very similar approaches to life initially  react to their new circumstance very differently . stephane becomes even more rational and controlled  while camille becomes more tempestuous  until she almost borders on suffering a nervous breakdown due to the inability to consummate their relationship . however  their approach to each other is perhaps not surprising considering their vocation . the audience is led to believe that stephane may have been a genius as a violinist as well  due to his relationship with a master violin teacher . however  apparently  he could not be a violinist due to his intolerance for flaws in his playing . consequently  stephane becomes a precision craftsmen with the instrument and no longer plays . in contrast  camille had almost given the violin  years earlier . however  with the aid of her manager  she has progressed to being almost one of the world ', s finest  successfully submerging herself to her playing . during the course of the movie  we see both characters evolve as they struggle to meet the challenge of their new emotions . stephane attempts to remain unchanged . however  we do see subtle hints of his transformation . one of the most obvious is when he defeats maxime in squash . the development of all of the characters  many of which is not included in this synopsis  is incredible . american movies  with rare exceptions  have not and i would daresay cannot approach foreign films in character development . in its essence  this movie is about the development and growth of the characters  camille and stephane . the portrayal of all the other characters in the movie  including a death  is to further the development of camille ', s and stepahne ', s characters . i am not sure why berardinelli says  " at times it becomes difficult to determine whether stephane should be pitied or vilified  and it is to auteuil ', s credit that he manages to maintain this uncertainty . " this movie is not about judging stephane ', s actions as being right or wrong  but about viewing their growth and accepting the characters as who they are . i find the ending appropriate ; unfortunately  i found the last ten minutes which led up to the final scene to be very unfulfilling . this portion of the film is where the " sense of closure " could have been successfully accomplished . unfortunately  there is a hurried and almost a soap opera - type surge of emotions from all of the characters . while ravel may not be quite as accomplished as schubert or mozart  ravel has his day in this film . the synergism of the tension of ravel ', s music and tension on the screen is the best i have ever seen . the directing in this movie is wonderful . the actors and actresses are excellent  each playing their part with great sincerity and warmth . emmanuelle beart ', s personality is beautiful . and needless to say  i must say that emmanuelle beart  herself  is beautiful . besides the near ending  the only other criticism of the movie which i have is that the movie is almost too cerebral . i almost left with the sense little happened because almost all the changes which occur in the movie happen in deep in their psyches and little in their personalities or the situations which they end as part of . the one question which i am left with is while they have accepted their lot  has their attitude towards love changed ? i have several possibilities which i believe the movie hints at  but i am unsure of which the director is espousing . in summary  this movie is solely about the character growth of two characters who almost develop a relationship . in the process  we see their attitude towards life and other people . in itself  i do not believe un coeur is a complicated movie . where it does become complicated is when we juxtapose the scenes of the movie into the greater walk of life where we  as americans  have preconceived american notions of relationship  love  and people . i do wonder how the movie translates when viewed within its native french culture . however  i  bringing my american preconceptions  enjoyed the film . i would welcome any comments about this movie from any who have seen it .
pos the keen wisdom of an elderly bank robber  the naive ambitions of a sexy hospital nurse  and a partnership that blossoms between the two are the fine components that make up a modest  little caper adventure entitled ` where the money is . ', the elderly bank robber is henry ( paul newman )  a famous criminal that was only recently caught . he has pulled off dozens of successful heists and has probably stashed away a small fortune . always the shrewd thinker  he begins working on a plan to get out of jail . this involves years of studying buddhism and self - hypnosis . when he is prepared to execute his plan  he uses what he has learned to fake a stroke . now a seemingly twitching vegetable  he is temporarily transferred to a state - run home . carol ( linda fiorentino ) is the nurse that cares for him . she ', s a very bright person with a good heart . yet  her life is a miserable waste of time . the most exciting thing to do in town is to fix cars . her days at the hospital facility are spent leading wheelchair calisthenics . worse  she ', s in a dead - end relationship with high - school sweetheart wayne ( dylan mcdermott ) . they became a couple because they were king and queen of the prom . to her  this made sense long ago . but now  it ', s a different story . wayne seems equally bored with his life  but is content enough to stay put . wayne ', s greatest ambition is to become a night shift supervising foreman . carol feels as lifeless as many of the other hospital patients  but she ', s never been anywhere else and doesn ', t see many other opportunities in life . however  when henry falls under her care  her outlook begins to change . the medical reports may state that he suffered a massive stroke . carol  however  begins to grow suspicious that henry may just be faking it after all . maybe she can get through to him  and maybe she can learn something about the money that he has stashed away . the opening 30 minutes are filled with hilarious attempts of carol trying to bring henry ? back to life . ', and what are some of carol ', s resuscitation techniques ? perhaps an erotic lapdance might stir his senses . if that fails  maybe she ', ll try a little shock therapy by pushing him off a 20 - foot high pier into the cold lake below . when he finally comes out of his state of self - trance  the movie ', s direction changes  though it remains equally if not more entertaining . carol sees that henry is filled with charisma and self - assuredness . she is invigorated by his commanding presence and refreshed by his vibrancy . this  of course  puts wayne in an odd situation . henry and carol ', s bond grows stronger when they enter into an agreement to rob an armored car . henry needs this heist because he is unable to retrieve his original stash . meanwhile  this is carol ', s ticket to a better life . wayne is uncomfortable with the situation  but helps out nonetheless . however  his lack of commitment threatens their success . the heist sequence is suspenseful  well paced  and casts the uneasy feeling that something will horribly go wrong . ` where the money is ', does more to spotlight newman and fiorentino than it does to showcase a story about a nifty heist . newman is the real joy of the film  adroitly showing that at age 75  he ', s still really hot stuff . he possesses a sly smile  displays a dominating attitude  and a projects a demeanor that is undeniably attractive . fiorentino is also a fun presence . you root for her despite her sense of amorality . sure  she wants to commit robbery and has little compunction about pushing a wheelchair - stricken man into a lake  but we can see that to escape her dead - end world  she needs to do something drastic . with two charismatic characters such as these  it ', s hard to ignore that ` where the money is ', is where the fun is .
pos robert benton has assembled a stellar  mature cast for his latest feature  twilight  a film noir mystery set amid the fading stars of hollywood . paul newman stars as retired detective harry ross . harry has spent the last couple of years doing odd jobs for jack and catherine ames ( gene hackman and susan sarandon )  a pair of married actors who have fallen from the limelight . when jack sends him on a routine delivery job  however  the old instincts kick in . soon  harry is wading through a mystery where friendships and lives are on the line  and he no longer knows who to trust . there are plenty of familiar faces throughout twilight  in addition to newman  hackman and sarandon . james garner plays raymond hope  a former cop and one of harry ', s best friends . stockard channing plays verna  harry ', s former partner  and possibly a former love interest . reese witherspoon is mel  the distrustful daughter of the ames ',  and liev schrieber is her scuzzy boyfriend . giancarlo esposito appears as harry ', s bumbling detective protigi  and john spencer is a suspicious police captain . with a cast like that  it ', s almost worth watching twilight just to stargaze . luckily  there ', s more to the film than some sort of actor ', s recognition ceremony . twilight has a solid film noir - ish plot . it may not have as many twists and turns as some of the classics  but it has much more than a lot of what passes for film these days . the major cast members all deliver strong performances  as can be expected of their caliber . however  none of them have that little extra oomph which would make them memorable . the supporting cast is enjoyable  if a little underdrawn . stockard channing ', s character  in particular  is a cipher . there ', s more to her character than the film takes the time to describe . it ', s a minor  but irritating  flaw . with a solid cast  and a good plot  there ', s a lot to recommend about twilight . it ', s biggest flaw is actually its short running time . at a slim 94 minutes  there ', s a lot of stuff that ', s packed into an awfully small package . still  the chance to see newman  sarandon and hackman working together is worth a cramp or two .
pos warning : anyone offended by blatant  leering machismo had better avoid this film . or lots of blood & guts  men against men and mano - et - mano stuff . in other words  it ', s a walter hill film ! with a john milius script ! i always picture these guys getting together and producing a movie between arm - wrestling matches . these films always contain male characters i have a very hard time identifying with  probably due to the likelihood that any meeting between them and me would result in my arm being ripped off and then my subsequent death by beating with said limb . and we got tough guys galore  here ; drug - running banditos by the dozens  all dirty and sweaty and pretty ill - tempered  overall ; a secret task force of army commandos who are in the area to cover - up ( supposedly ) any connection between the government and the drug runners ; and lots of shit - kicking texas dirt farmers who ', d as soon shoot you between the eyes as look at you . in particular  we got nick nolte as one hard - ass texas ranger  powers boothe as the drug kingpin  michael ironsides as the leader of the secret army  and rip torn as the local sheriff . torn is the sympathetic figure of the group ; he smiles before shooting anyone . as to women . . . well  i ', ve never seen jane fonda or meryl streep in a walter hill film  and at this rate  i doubt i ever will . women exist here to look good  comfort the man  and get argued over . gosh ! just like the old days . . . frankly  this is a pretty good movie  if you can accept the premise and can take the macho stuff . the cinematography is excellent  the cast of characters is broad and has texture  the script is quite good  and the film lets you keep up with what ', s happening yourself  without spelling it out to you . i appreciate a film that makes me have to think to keep up . finally  there ', s lots of sam peckinpah slow - motion shoot - ups .
pos accepting his oscar as producer of this year ', s best picture winner  saul zaentz remarked that his cup runneth over . one could almost say the same about his much - prized film . rarely is the screen so overflowing with potent imagery  symbolism  ideas and metaphors  complex and literate storytelling  all possessed of an intelligence that invites -- even demands -- constant scrutiny  an acuity of perception and observation that must somehow yield the truth . in short  the antithesis of all things hollywood . yet this surfeit of signals is made to serve a rather pale and thinly realized love story whose emotional impact is as dry as a desert wind . ralph fiennes is the title character  an amnesiac burn victim whose gradual return to memory  and particularly the memory of love  is the ostensible focus of the film . but despite the use of numerous flashbacks to help put the pieces of this personal puzzle together  we never learn enough about the man to feel much empathy for him . his emotional life before the story begins is an essential clue that remains withheld . the same can easily be said for every other character in the film  of which there are too many . juliette binoche ', s nurse comes as close as this film gets to an emotional heart . at least we learn early on that she is scarred by the deaths of those close to her  and so we understand why she is eager to escape the company of her comrades in order to seek refuge in the convalescence of a mysterious  disfigured  dying stranger . even this information is imparted so quickly and in such cursory fashion  however  that it verges on the comical . with so many characters enjoying so little screen time  the film ', s 160 minutes can be taxing . yet there is something so captivating about the sensibility behind the camera that i couldn ', t help but feel that greatness was in the air . hints of it were everywhere -- in a man who hates ownership but wants desperately to possess his lover ; in ancient cave paintings of swimmers copied casually by a modern - day swimmer in the sahara ; in the way the shifting sands of time obliterate everything more completely than a world war . there is enough latent meaning to supply college film students with paper topics for years . but ultimately the emotional truths writer - director anthony minghella was grasping for were never revealed . in the end  i was left with the impression that i had witnessed quite an oxymoron : a haunting bore . bore is perhaps too strong a word . but after drinking in the rich production values  the cup remains only slightly over half - full .
pos a bleak look at how the boston underworld operates  a film which was based on the best - seller by george v .  higgins . it is seen through the weary eyes of a 51 - year - old  small - time hood  eddie " fingers " coyle ( mitchum ) . he got the nickname when a mob boss in his underworld element shut the draw on his hand as a punishment . his current dilemma is that he got caught running illegal booze by truck and faces a 3 - 5 year stretch in new hampshire  something he feels will be a life sentence for him since he doesn ', t think he could survive prison at his age . he is also concerned that his wife and three kids will have to go on welfare . he could have cut a deal and gotten off  if he turned his boss over to the d . a .  but he figured he would never live if he did that . he is currently gun - running for a gang of very successful bank robbers led by scalise ( rocco ) . the masked bank robbers operate by always first going to the bank manager ', s house and holding his family hostage and then they go to the bank and force the manager to open the vault for them or else his family gets it . on one of the heists  they kill a bank officer who pushes the alarm . coyle ', s best friend is dillon ( boyle )  a hit man for the mob  working as a bartender . he is a permanent stoolie for the treasury agents  as an aggressive young agent named foley ( jordan )  who likes to be called uncle  gives dillon breathing room to operate some of his low - level crime activities and to work the bar even though he has a prison record  as long as he keeps getting valuable info from him on things happening with the gangs . with the sentencing date closing in on him  the already convicted coyle is out on bail and looking for an angle to cut his jail time . he contacts agent foley and gives him a few inconsequential tips and then decides to do something that goes against his grain . thinking he made an iron - clad deal with foley to get his sentenced squashed in new hampshire  he gives him the place where a sale of machine guns is going down  knowing full - well the young hustler ( keats ) selling the guns is a lot like he was as a youth and when arrested will be facing a life sentence . but foley tells him after he arrests the gun - dealer  that new hampshire wants more before they take away his jail sentence  they want him to be a full - time informer . warning : spoiler follows in next paragraph . the bank robbers are setup and caught in the act and the mob boss is convinced coyle did it and gives dillon the contract to take care of his friend . the contemptuous dillon befriends coyle and treats him to a steak dinner and takes him to a bruin hockey game while getting him boozed up . coyle takes a look at the young bruin star bobby orr from his upper deck seat and says  " to be young like that and have his future  he ', s the greatest hockey player in the world . " dillon then takes the drunken coyle for a long drive and executes him mob - style  having a kid who works for him dump the body in some bad section of boston . this is a great atmospheric film due to the realistic noir mood it sets  of the hopeless situation the low - level criminals are in  and how they are forced to live with fear and the uncertainty of what horrible thing will happen next . the city streets are ugly  the gangsters are shown to be capable of any action to defend their own interests  whether it is betrayal or murder . there is a fatalistic feel about their lives  something robert mitchum wears as easily as others put on a hat . mitchum gives this film all the intensity and purpose it needs  as it overcomes a thin plot . it makes you see the characters for what they are without any false sympathy for them . mitchum is a loser ; and  that he lived so long  is a tribute to his skills as a survivor . but in the end  he even loses the respect he had among his underworld friends as a standup guy  as he wrestled with his code of honor and lost even that battle .
pos " footloose " has only one goal in mind : to reel in an audience with cheesy sentiment and feel - good antics . and i hate to admit it ; i fell for it . the movie is about a teenager ( bacon ) who moves to a small town from the big city  and discovers that dancing has been banned by the local reverend ( lithgow ) . he ends up falling for the preacher ', s daughter ( singer ) and showing the whole town what the magic of dance can do . as mentioned at the beginning of this review  " footloose " is an extremely hokey and predictable teen drama . there are virtually no surprises  and the writing is second - rate . so why did i enjoy it so much ? for one thing  the cast is great . kevin bacon oozes charisma in an early role . we ', re rooting for him right from the start  and  unlike most films of this genre  bacon doesn ', t play him as the " rebel without a clue " sort . yes  he does rebel  but he ', s also polite when he needs to be . and he never broods . the rest of the cast is equally impressive . john lithgow  seen here playing a normal guy for a change  is playing a man who would normally be a flat out villian . but lithgow plays him as a concerned father who is trying to do what he feels is best for his daughter . by the end of the film  we feel a genuine sense of love and understanding between him and the lori singer character . another nice touch is the music . we see the parents of the kids complaining that the music they listen to is filled with " sexual innuendos "  but that ', s not true at all . the title track  performed by kenny loggins  is upbeat and fun . during the final sequence  i was overcome with the urge to get off the couch and start dancing . of course  i soon realized that would be a little pathetic . anyway  " footloose " is a charming little surprise . don ', t let the premise prevent you from watching it . it sucked me in  and it ', ll do the same to you .
pos as i walked out of crouching tiger  hidden dragon i thought to myself that i had had just seen a great film . with the passage of a few hours i tempered my enthusiasm and started pondering the question of whether a masterpiece must implicitly be a " great " piece of work and viceversa . attempting to make a distinction may be a matter of splitting hairs . i avoided a commitment by appealing to etymology . as the word implies  a masterpiece is any work which embodies the skills of a master . as such it should suffice to say that it is a product of exceptional quality . crouching tiger  hidden dragon fits comfortably in that category . crouching tiger  hidden dragon immerses the viewer in an idealized world of oriental folklore  with the requisite blend of legend  fantasy  magic and mythology . it is reminiscent of a wagnerian epic with characters which might as well be half - gods - greater than life  purer than life  stronger than life  physically invincible and able to accomplish superhuman feats  but with a human soul that makes them ultimately vulnerable . all the classic elements of the oriental mystique are thrown into the mix  including the art of contemplation and the concept of martial dexterity as the physical equivalent of spiritual advancement . the classic struggle between good and evil is the inevitable backdrop  with advanced masters of each and a golden pupil  which must choose between the two . it is the gifted pupil who  under the influence of the evil master steals the holy grail in the form of a magic sword which is the focus of the conflict at the heart of the legend . the elements of romance at two different levels of enlightenment ( a pair of masters and a pair of youngsters ) are poignantly represented . the paradox of oriental restraint existing side by side with all consuming passion in the same breast is projected effectively . the fight scenes are stunning balletic tours - de - force  not to be taken literally but clearly to be enjoyed as superb cinematic art  as are the prodigious leaps and flights to  from and between rooftops  the martial combat at the top of swaying bamboo branches and the combatants skipping like pebbles along the surface of a lake . there need be no question of suspended disbelief when one is in the presence of poetry . as in a wagnerian opera there is a substantial story line  which takes place at an ordinary human level  yet the entire project is to be accepted as a work of art rooted in fantasy . do not assume  however  that the art is limp - wristed . for those who are put off by the " art " label this film can be confidently recommended as engrossing entertainment at the levels of adventure  action and romance . there are no weak performances in this movie . michelle yeoh imbues her character with depth  humanity and wisdom . chow yon fat projects dignity and purity of heart . zhang ziyi is a budding superstar . she is radiantly beautiful and totally persuasive in a multifaceted role . cheng pei pei as the evil master and chang cheng as the bandit prince acquit themselves admirably . kudos to screenwriters james schamus  wang hui ling and tsai kuo jing  choreographer yuen wo - ping  photography director peter pau and music director tan dun  each of which contribute quality components to this extraordinary film . ang lee as the director  co - producer and mastermind of the project gets the lion share of the credit . this is destined to be one of those films that everybody likes  including those who hate martial arts movies . don ', t miss it .
pos " crazy / beautiful " suffers from the damned - if - you - do  damned - if - you - don ', t syndrome . after a spate of flighty  cookie - cutter teen films  the romantic drama addresses alcoholism and parental loss along with its love story . but rather than applaud the production  early reviews have dismissed it as an overblown " afterschool special . " even worse  in the wake of federal trade commission hearings that blasted the industry for marketing violent and sexual movies to young people  the studio got a case of the heebie - jeebies and forced director john stockwell to re - shoot scenes and cut footage to " tone things down . " needless to say  the filmmaker was frustrated . " we were trying to make a cautionary tale  " he told newsweek  " and we couldn ', t show the behavior we were trying to caution people away from . " regardless  the film works  thanks to exceptional performances from its lead players and a script determined to transcend stereotypes . " crazy / beautiful " is quality fare  good enough that i half - expected the summer movie crap police to walk into the press screening and confiscate the print for " failure to incorporate explosions and poop jokes . " set in pacific palisades  calif .  the story follows the burgeoning relationship between two teens . every morning and evening  carlos nunez ( jay hernandez ) takes a two - hour bus ride in order to attend pacific high school . an honor student and star athlete  carlos is responsible  modest and focused as he works on securing a place in the naval academy . all is well until he meets nicole oakley ( kirsten dunst )  the daughter of a rich congressman ( bruce davison ) . nicole is a drunk apparently hell - bent on self - destruction . carlos is smart enough to recognize the danger in getting involved with her  but he is only human and she has the greatest smile . plus  as her father notes  she has a real knack for drawing others into her downward spiral . as with " save the last dance  " " crazy / beautiful " ( god  how i hate lower - case titles ) takes situations that look stale on paper and makes them seem fresh . while noting the racial and social differences between the kids  the screenplay dances around most of the clich ? s ( there are still several mtv moments  though ) . the filmmakers make a point to give characters that crucial extra bit of shading that turns them into individuals instead of stereotypes and the actors take it from there . cute - as - a - button dunst forces the viewer to share the pain beneath nicole ', s behavior . she is credible enough that when dad urges carlos to get away from her before she drags him down  i hoped the boy would listen . as carlos  hernandez is a revelation . hunky without looking like the product of a hollywood design team  the young man can really act ; we will see a lot of this guy in the future . aside from its title  the biggest problem with " crazy / beautiful " is its ending  which wraps everything up too fast and too tidy . after carefully presenting credible characters and situations  the conclusion feels rushed and lazy . still  this is the kind of film that deserves accolades from critics instead of cheap shots . " afterschool special " my ass ? " crazy / beautiful " is the real deal .
pos everyone knows someone like giles de ', ath : stuffy  arrogant  set in his ways  and at war with anything that could in any way be associated with " progress . " giles is a writer  but the product of his typewriter is the kind of scholarly stuff that is immediately put onto library stacks where it can gather dust until some graduate student needs another reference for his or her thesis . his house looks like an immaculate museum ? with no television  microwave  word processor  or other technological gadgets  only the electric lights betray that he ', s living in the twentieth century  not the nineteenth . this is the kind of role that could easily be turned into a flat stereotype  but john hurt  in what is certainly his best performance in a decade and possibly the most impressive of his long and distinguished career  turns " erstwhile fogy " giles into a three - dimensional human being . despite his tunnel vision  it ', s impossible not to like the man  especially after his entire being is transformed by that singular affliction to which no one is immune : love . and  as giles discovers during the course of this amusing  warm - hearted motion picture  it ', s possible to find the object of one ', s affection in the most unusual places . giles  who is a widower and a recluse  does not frequent the cinema  but when he learns that an e . m . forster film is playing at the local theater  he screws up his courage and decides to go . what he doesn ', t realize is that the movie house is showing two films : the forster adaptation and a teen exploitation flick called hotpants college ii . a nonplused giles ends up sitting in a darkened room watching buff male and female bodies in various states of undress . just as giles is about to leave  however  he notices ronnie bostock ( jason priestley )  and  suddenly  it ', s love at first sight . giles is enraptured  and the moment hotpants college ii is over  he beings to scour stores for bostock memorabilia  including teen magazines and video tapes . ( in order to watch those tapes  giles must buy a vcr  but he initially doesn ', t realize that he needs a tv to use the vcr . ) eventually  not satisfied with being the world ', s foremost authority on bostock  giles boards a plane and travels to long island  where his idol ', s home is located . bostock is away when giles arrives  but the wily englishman manages to befriend ronnie ', s supermodel girlfriend  audrey ( fiona loewi ) . eventually  the actor arrives home and  impressed with giles ', demeanor and intelligence  he begins to rely on the older man ', s advice . but  while giles ', affection runs deep  ronnie ', s feelings are less constant . love and death on long island is a comedy  and a very funny one at that . in fact  for its first half  the film is nearly - perfect . it suffers a fall - off once giles reaches new york  and the ending  with its none - too - subtle homosexual overtones  is a little too overbearing for the lighthearted material that precedes it . in his gently satirical approach to popular culture and movie stardom  writer / director richard kwietniowski  adapting from the novel by gilbert adair  is 100 % on - target . in the process  he not only creates a truly likable and memorable character in giles  but says a few things about the transforming power of love  even if it is unrequited . from start to finish  this is clearly hurt ', s movie ? he ', s in almost every frame . it ', s a role that the veteran actor must have relished  because he makes giles an unforgettable motion picture figure  and does so by means of dialogue delivery  body language  and ever - changing facial expressions . jason priestley  cashing in on his beverly hills 90210 image  is surprisingly effective as the shallow ronnie . he is charismatic  and it ', s not hard to understand why giles is attracted to ronnie . meanwhile  solid support is provided by the appealing fiona loewi and the always - reliable maury chaykin . love and death on long island is many things wrapped into one : a social commentary ( it tackles the thorny issue of film as pure art versus film as mindless entertainment )  a buddy picture / love story ( ronnie and giles have one of the most interesting relationships found anywhere on a movie screen these days )  and a " fish out of water " tale ( victorian relic giles forced into the modern world ) . yet  despite the many laughs love and death offers  it never takes cheap shots . it has a vibrant  beating heart ? and that makes the comedy all the more worthwhile .
pos for many people  procrastination isn ', t a problem to overcome  it ', s a high art . we ', ll do just about anything to put off a task . when the deadline for this column nears  it ', s the only time during the week dishes get washed and the bed made and laundry done and plants watered and . . . eventually  hopefully  sometimes  there ', s a breakthrough and we actually get down to work . amazingly it ', s almost always easier than we dreaded and after finishing  that sense of oppressive apprehension melts away . and then  the next time  we do it all again . english professor grady tripp ( michael douglas ) is a master . seven years ago  his first book was a hit . he ', s been working on his second -- a short 200 - page piece -- since then . fearful that he can ', t live up to the first  he can ', t bring himself to finish it . no writer ', s block  he ', s nearing 3  000 pages with no end in sight . now he ', s having a particularly difficult day . the college ', s annual writers conference is bringing in accomplished novelists reminding tripp that other people are finishing _their_ books . during the first day  his wife has left him  his married girlfriend informs him she ', s pregnant and his agent is in town with a six - foot transvestite in tow . by the evening  our besieged writer is driving though the snow - covered streets of pittsburgh with a suicidal student beside him  a stolen jacket that marilyn monroe wore on her wedding day in the back seat and a murdered blind dog stuffed in the trunk . this could be a pivotal point in his mid - life crisis . and then there ', s the next morning . there ', s a lot to like about this movie . there are no huge explosions  shattering glass or computer - generated dinosaurs to distract from the very real human issues . grady is caught up in the curse of people who accomplish great things early in their career . in the world of " what have you done for me lately ? "  he knows his second book has to be better than his first . instead of finding out  he drifts  comfortable in the insular cocoon of academic peter panhood . he doesn ', t have much of a life and neither does his star pupil james leer ( tobey maguire ) . james may be suicidal and psychotic . certainly everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie . he makes up a past of working clash anguish because the truth of wealth and comfort just isn ', t interesting enough . as the weekend progresses  they are both forced to fully engage life . that ', s the question they must face : comfort or real experiences ? the film takes some interesting chances . non - traditional relationships are presented as matter - of - fact . extra - marital  gay  interracial  professor - student : here they aren ', t judged  merely choices . the actors are all first - rate . douglas triumphs  playing against type as he spends most of his time disheveled  unshaven and clad in a pink women ', s house robe . maguire ', s disengaged alienation works perfectly here . robert downey jr . as grady ', s agent livens up his scenes . director curtis hanson ( " l . a . confidential " ) makes a few missteps . the women are underused . frances mcdormand does a good job of her limited role of sara  grady ', s married lover but we never understand much of who she is . the chemistry between the two of them is non - existent which makes some of the ending unconvincing . katie holmes is a student with a major crush on the professor  but her character goes nowhere . we never even see grady ', s exiting wife . this is very much a guy ', s film . the varied relationships between the men are much more convincing than any of the others . grady ', s alternating mentoring and rejection of james is the centerpoint of the film  not him and sara . as the boomers age  expect to see more mid - life crisis films to catch the attention of that demographic . eventually it ', ll probably become cliche  but right now we ', ve got a winner . i ', ll finish this in a second . right now i have to grab some paint . i noticed some trim in the other room that needs a little touch - up . ( michael redman has written this column for so long that he ', s made mid - life crisis a career choice . )
pos meet joe black ( reviewed on nov . 27 / 98 ) starring brad pitt  anthony hopkins  claire forlani in " meet joe black "  brad pitt plays death . that ', s all that really needs to be said  but nevertheless  i will provide the three of you that have seemingly been living in a cave with a plot description . death decides to take a holiday  what with all the rigors of soul - collecting and all  and forces anthony hopkins into showing him what it ', s like to be human . death assumes the body of brad pitt  and from there  much trouble ensues . for one thing  death - as - pitt falls in love with hopkins daughter  played by claire forlani . obviously this enrages hopkins  because really  what can death offer ? besides eternal damnation  of course . there is also a sub - plot about forlani ', s ex - boyfriend ( she dumps him for pitt ) trying to take over hopkins company . " meet joe black " runs just under three hours . i ', ve always thought that such obscene running times should be limited to historical epics . " meet joe black " is neither historical nor is it an epic  though i get the feeling martin brest ( the director ) desperately wants it to be . every single scene in the movie goes on about 3 - 4 minutes too long . and the ending takes about 20 minutes longer than it really should . a severe editing job could have made this movie excellent  instead of just good  which is what it is . pitt  an actor i normally loathe  is actually quite engaging as death . i believed his performance  and i could see why forlani ', s character would fall in love with him . i have to agree with roger ebert  though  who found it hard to believe that an entity that ', s been around for all time wouldn ', t know what peanut butter was . that has nothing to do with pitt ', s performance  of course  but it is a little distracting . hopkins gives his usual excellent performance . he ', s able to portray the angst of a man who knows he has very little time left  without making him an obnoxious whiner . and in her first major studio role  claire forlani is surprisingly good . she has a sweet tenderness that allows the audience to instantly root for her . so  " meet joe black " is a good movie hampered by it ', s ridiculous running time . had the film been cut by an hour or so  i have no doubt that i would be calling it one of the best movies of the year in this review .
pos call it touched by a demon . gregory hoblit ', s fallen is a serial killer movie with an unusual  horrific twist . if marketed properly  this film could have crossover appeal for both those who appreciate supernatural tales like the prophesy and those who crave grim  dark thrillers like silence of the lambs and seven . in fact  there ', s even a little twin peaks to be found here  albeit with the lion ', s share of the weirdness distilled out . ( remember bob ? ) the biggest failing of fallen is that  although it ', s consistently interesting  it ', s not always as edgy and suspenseful as one might hope . a serial killer ( elias koteas ) has been on the loose in philadephia  but detective john hobbes ( denzel washington )  the noblest man on the police force  has brought him to justice . now  during his last hours on death row awaiting his inevitable date with the gas chamber  the mass murderer cryptically tells hobbes  " what goes around really goes around . " shortly thereafter  he begins to sing " time is on my side " as he ', s taken on his last walk . minutes later  the state of pennsylvania has carried out the execution and edgar reese is dead . but for hobbes  the nightmare is just beginning  because reese wasn ', t a normal psychopath ? he was the host body for a mythical dark angel named azazel . and  with reese ', s death  azazel is free to hop from body to body  murdering and wreaking havoc at will . only hobbes and a pretty  female theology teacher ( embeth davidtz ) have an inkling of what they ', re up against . the rest of the cops  including hobbes ', partner  jonesy ( john goodman ) ; lou ( james gandolfini )  a newcomer to the department ; and lieutenant stanton ( donald sutherland )  don ', t have a clue  and  as a result  they are in mortal danger . as depicted by hoblit ( primal fear ) and cinematographer newton thomas sigel  philadelphia is a dark  dreary place ? a gothic city rather than a modern one . no skyscrapers or other monoliths of current architecture or technology are shown . the most famous landmark to appear isn ', t the liberty bell or independence hall ; it ', s geno ', s steaks . shadows and night scenes abound . the days are cloudy and unpromising . this is the kind of setting where it ', s easy to believe that fallen angels walk among men . fallen ', s plot is brimming with potential  not all of which is realized . somehow  i would have expected a more frightening tale to emerge from something with this kind of premise . but the level of terror  like that of gore  is kept in check . nevertheless  there are several creepily effective scenes as the spirit of azazel moves from body to body when people bump against each other on crowded city sidewalks . the film also boasts a chase sequence of a kind that can best be described as unusual . of the several dozen actors to play azazel  the best is by far elias koteas ( exotica  crash )  who  despite only being on screen for about ten minutes  gives a fantastically charged performance . john goodman also seems to be enjoying himself  although his role for most of the film is relegated to that of a burly sidekick . sadly  however  these two are the only ones who excel . everyone else  including denzel washington  is boring . washington ', s flat performance is the most disappointing surprise of the film . it ', s not that he ', s bad per se  but he ', s not very interesting . there ', s no real sense of vulnerability or desperation in the way he portrays his character  and that keeps us distanced  however slightly  from hobbes . as circumstances become progressively more dire for the cop  and as his life - or - death chess game with azazel approaches the point of checkmate  i expected to be more on the edge of my seat than i was . washington ', s subdued approach is part of the reason for this ; i never felt a sense of urgency . however  at least washington was believable  which is more than can be said for embeth davidtz ( schindler ', s list ) and donald sutherland . to be fair  the flaws in their characters aren ', t all acting - related ; neither stanton nor gretta milano are well - written . that said  however  there ', s nothing inspired about either davidtz ', s or sutherland ', s work . both appear to be sleepwalking their way through the parts  as if they know that their contribution to the film is one of advancing the plot rather than developing a multi - dimensional individual . narratively  fallen has a few glaring weaknesses . although the plot proceeds with a convoluted  game - like structure  it uses a denzel washington - supplied voiceover to overexplain matters . at times  this is actually helpful  and it has a use beyond the obvious  but there are occasions when ponderous lines like " i like the night ? sometimes you come face to face with yourself " become a little hard to swallow . in addition  fallen is saddled with the same kind of disgustingly bland  generic theology embraced by numerous movies and tv shows like touched by an angel . however  despite the negatives  i ', m still recommending fallen on the strength of its complex plot and especially its ending  which i loved . the final scenes are startling  audacious  and unexpected . it ', s not often that a plot development takes me by surprise the way this one did . at a time when most movies fall apart in the last ten minutes  fallen manages to buck the trend and redeem itself . this is not a great motion picture  but  considering how bad most january releases are  it ', s a reasonably entertaining way to spend two hours . and  whatever you do  don ', t walk out on the film before the end credits have begun to roll .
pos james l . brooks  one of the developers of the simpsons and director of broadcast news  returns to the big screen with this entertaining  if slightly flawed comedy . nicholson plays melvin udall  probably the most horrible person ever on the screen . he ', s racist  homophobic  and never has a good word to say to anyone . so  nobody talks to him  except waitress carol conelly ( t . v sitcom star hunt  who was last seen in twister  1996 ) . naturally  udall  conelly and gay neighbor simon bishop ( kinnear ) who nicholson hates  all hit it off in the end . like good will hunting ( 1997 ) and titanic ( 1997 )  even though the outcome is completely obvious  as good as it gets is an enjoyable  funny and warm comedy . nicholson is hilarious as melvin  churning out insults with superb relish . only nicholson could get away with the lines that melvin delivers . hunt is also good as waitress carol  and easily rises to the challenge of nicholson . there ', s also ( thankfully ) a bit of chemistry between them . kinnear  as the gay neighbor  seems to have a slightly underwritten role  he ', s more of a plot convience than a character . although his performance is good  his character just seems to exist to help melvin and carol come together . in fact  the scene stealer is simon ', s dog  who is funnier than nicholson . but then again  pets are always cute on screen . providing solid support is cuba gooding  jnr ( jerry maguire  1996 ) and yeardly smith ( who is the voice of lisa simpsons in the simpsons ) although gooding isn ', t as good as is character in maguire  he is still fun . he overacts a little  but not so much as to be annoying . smith is also good  although she has a fairly small role . even director lawrence kasdan ( body heat  1981 ) makes an appearance as a doctor . but this is primarily nicholsons film  and every scene he ', s in  he ', s steals it . he ', s character is so hateful  though  it ', s amazing that anyone talks to him at all  especially carol . and this is the films main problem . it ', s totally unbelievable that carol would ever consider liking melvin . she doesn ', t fall in love with him naturally  the film forces her to fall in love with him . also  melvins character seems to go too nice  too quickly . i would doubt anyone with a character like melvins would be able to turn back to a nice  loving person . it would take a helluva long time  much longer than this film would like to make out . brooks direction is good  though  if a bit average  but he usually manages to get an emotion out of the audience . he handles the comedy scenes better than the sentimental ones ( he tends to pile on to much schmaltz ) but generally he ', s good . there ', s also a nice soundtrack by veteran composer hans zimmer . but  generally  as good as it gets achieves what it sets out to do  which is to make the audience feel good by the end of the movie . the movie is a bit overlong  but nicholson is such good fun that the running time passes by pretty quickly . overall  as good as it gets is a fun movie  even though it may be unbelivable  and certainly worth seeing ( if just for jack nicholsons performance . ) not quite as good as it gets ( pardon the bad joke )  but still good fun .
pos after a stylistic detour with mrs . parker and the vicious circle ( which  despite its uncomfortable tone  was close to being a conventional movie )  director alan rudolph has returned to his unique brand of film making with afterglow  a romantic black comedy about love  betrayal  and self - absorption . while these may not be the most unusual themes to fashion into a motion picture  rudolph ', s atypical approach to the characters and their situations makes for an intriguing  if not always pleasant  movie . it is said that rudolph is a polarizing director ? meaning that most viewers either love his work or hate it . until mrs . parker  i had not been overly impressed by his movies . i found equinox  his last pre - mrs . parker effort  to be irritating and frustrating . i was somewhat surprised  therefore  to discover that i liked afterglow . there are several reasons for this  but the paramount one is that rudolph seems to have muted some of the most strident  mannered aspects of his approach . the characters here are more like real people with genuine problems  the story is absorbing  and the acting is top - notch . in short  rudolph has created a world that it ', s worth spending two hours in . afterglow introduces us to two unhappily married couples . jeffrey byron ( jonny lee miller ) is a cold  seemingly - heartless businessman who is sexually indifferent to his young wife  marianne ( lara flynn boyle ) . for her part  marianne is so obsessed with having a baby that she never attempts to interact with her husband on a human level . all she ', s interested in is seducing him during those few days when she ', s ovulating . after he refuses to make love  she decides to find someone else to play the role of sperm donor . the other couple  lucky ( nick nolte ) and phyllis mann ( julie christie )  are an older pair  but they ', re no more content than jeffrey and marianne . a mysterious fracture in their past relationship has driven them apart . they remain married as a matter of convenience  but  since phyllis won ', t allow lucky to touch her  they have an unspoken agreement whereby he can fool around as much as he wants provided that no lasting bond is established as a result of these affairs . the landscape of emotional pain between them is palpable . the four characters begin interacting when marianne hires lucky as a handyman to fix up the inside of the apartment she shares with jeffrey . the two of them are immediately attracted to one another  and it doesn ', t take long before they ', re lounging together  naked  in her pool . meanwhile  jeffrey  who is captivated by older women  runs into phyllis in a hotel bar  is smitten  and invites her to accompany him on a weekend retreat to the mountains . the romantic couplings of the characters are interesting in that they illustrate the multiple faces of love . sex means something different to everyone ? to jeffrey  it ', s an unpleasant chore  a loss of control ; to marianne  it ', s a means to a maternal end ; to lucky  it ', s an enjoyable distraction that blocks out his marital troubles ; and to phyllis  it ', s a method of establishing or denying emotional closeness . ultimately  none of these characters appears to love anyone else as much as they love themselves . the greatest strength of the film lies not in the script  but in the performances . jonny lee miller is perfect as the selfish  callous  suit - and - tie businessman . those who recall him as sickboy in trainspotting will find that he is almost unrecognizable here as the image of conformity . lara flynn boyle  who wasn ', t impressive in rudolph ', s equinox  is greatly improved  making marianne a jumble of sexiness and vulnerability . nick nolte is delightful as the uninhibited lucky  and he manages to deliver some of rudolph ', s most pregnant lines with practiced ease . the clear standout  however  is julie christie  who is nothing short of delicious as the world - weary phyllis . her often wry  occasionally cutting asides are the source of much of the film ', s humor  and there ', s hardly ever a moment when she doesn ', t steal the spotlight from her co - stars . i don ', t know if afterglow is the film to convert rudolph - detractors  but it seems that this movie is a little more accessible than some of the director ', s earlier productions . enough of his trademark style remains  however  to reassure his supporters . afterglow is basically a four - pronged character study . the plot is not especially compelling  but the character interaction is  and that ', s the real reason to see this motion picture . rudolph has painted an able picture of the non - romantic side of love -- the one that has more to do with tolerance and familiarity than with affection and attraction .
pos " the fugitive " is probably one of the greatest thrillers ever made . it takes realistic  believable characters and tells an exciting story that ', s totally believable throughout . this isn ', t an over - the - top action flick for the sake of action  this is an intelligent adventure story with a real sense of mystery to it and it works perfectly . harrison ford stars as dr . richard kimble  a man who is wrongly accused and convicted of murdering his wife . the entire premise of the story revolves around this murder  but is not told in a straightforward manner . we constantly see flashbacks to the murder from kimble ', s perspective . hints are dropped from various times of the night kimble ', s wife  helen ( sela ward ) was murdered . we don ', t get to see who the killer is until much further into the story . in fact  we might even have a little doubt about kimble ', s innocence ourselves . the film doesn ', t spend much time on the details of kimble ', s trial and conviction as it is not the point of the story . one of the greatest action scenes ensues as we get a botched escape attempt by his fellow inmates which leads to a fantastic train wreck . but it does not at all seem gratuitous or formulated  it is actually suspenseful to watch . this movie is so incredible because it ', s able to take elements like these and make them wholly original and believable . tommy lee jones almost steals the show as deputy sam gerard  a u . s . marshall who is an expert in hunting fugitives . from the moment he appears we know a huge game of cat and mouse is about to occur . kimble and gerard are equally matched as there is no way to tell how one is going to outsmart the other . most of the film deals with richard ', s complex investigation as he tries to find the one - armed man who killed his wife . ford does not have a lot of lines here  so it is stuart and twohy ', s script and davis ', s outstanding direction that make the film as great as it is . just watching richard use his keen intelligence and wits  disguising himself  and doing his own detective work is very interesting . we know just as little as he does as to why his wife was killed  so as he learns more so do we . meanwhile gerard and his staff are using all their skills to hunt him down . at one point they run into each other and a great chase ensues  but richard is just too smart for them . he leaves clues for gerard to show his innocence and to help him solve the mystery . one of the greatest charms to the film is its sense of humor . there is a great sense of comradeship between gerard and his two closest deputies cosmo renfo ( pantoliano ) and biggs ( roebuck ) . they are trying to catch what they believe to be a dangerous murderer  yet they constantly start up small talk with each other  making funny wisecracks and one - liners  but not in any kind of distracting manner . the final act concludes with another terrific chase . richard figures out who the killer is and confronts him  and although we get a typical fight scene  the case is far from solved . the man who ordered the murder has been under our nose all along  and we don ', t realize this until the end when both richard and gerard put the pieces together . maybe the finally scene is a bit much  but it still has a believable atmosphere to it . we ', re so relieved when justice is served . it ', s not the plot is that makes " the fugitive " great  it ', s all the motions the characters go through to make for an intriguing story . watching a seemingly average man go through as much as this is what makes the movie so adventurous . if only hollywood could produce more movies like this . ( 10 / 31 / 96 ) ( 1 / 29 / 97 ) ( 6 / 13 / 97 ) [ see also : " nick of time " ]
pos i think that any competent member of the human race who ', s ever seen a movie -- any movie -- could probably predict just about every turn in the wedding singer . even though i try very hard to not predict films as i ', m watching them ( especially not romantic comedies )  the plot of this particular film just advanced before me seconds  and sometimes minutes  before i actually saw it happen on screen . but i don ', t care . not even a little . my reasons for this are simple : 1 ) adam sandler is great . 2 ) drew barrymore is great . 3 ) the movie is so funny . there are parts that left me gasping for air because i was laughing so hard . i haven ', t laughed this hard in a movie since austin powers . sandler plays robby hart  a wedding singer who once had dreams of being in a rock band and writing his own music . in the opening scenes  he seems like a happy - go - lucky wedding singer  at least partially enjoying his profession and doing a rather good job of talking down a really drunk individual ( steve buscemi ) who decides that his brother ', s wedding is a good place to tell the whole world that his life  up to that point  was utter pointlessness . a week later  at his own wedding  he is left standing at the altar by his ex - fianc ? e  linda ( angela featherstone ) . with his life in complete disarray  he meets julia ( barrymore )  a waitress . she is engaged to glenn ( matthew glave )  and is to marry him in about three months . julia and robby become good friends when she enlists him to help with the wedding plans . soon ( and predictably ) it becomes pretty clear that glenn is a jerk  and that robby and julia really love each other . oh sure  it ', s trite . and if anyone making this film expected us to  like  feel suspense or something while watching the wedding singer  then they truly underestimated their audience . what makes the story bearable  aside from the terrific costumes and 80s music  are the performances . barrymore is simply adorable here ( i ', ve never seen her look so close to the way she did in et ) . not only is she pleasant to look at  but her acting job here really is a good one -- and it doesn ', t hurt that the character is likable and adequately well - written . and the jerk  played in full - force by graves  is just as despicable as any villain in any romantic comedy i ', ve ever seen . naturally  the true star here is sandler . i think the guy is flat - out hilarious . he can say something that just isn ', t funny  and his delivery makes me laugh . his comedic performance here equals that of happy gilmore  but in this film he goes much further and proves to me that he can  indeed  hold his own as a leading man in a romantic comedy . whereas his roles in his previous films kind of had sandler playing sandler  the wedding singer gives him a character that  for the first time  he actually has to fit into . as far as i ', m concerned he succeeded  and this film is testimony that he does  in fact  have some range in his talents . and the movie is just so funny . perhaps the best moment is when he sings a song for julia that he claims is a little uneven because he began writing it while in a good mood and finished it after his fianc ? e abandoned him . this is the part that literally had me groping for a breath of air . and while the film  like all romantic comedies  takes a hiatus from laughs towards the end because the plot has to finish up  there are more than enough truly hilarious moments in the first hour that make up for any slumps in progress during the second half . my formal complaints for the wedding singer aren ', t very important . the film is predicable  but who cares ? the characters are extremely likable  the movie is ridiculously funny  and the experience is simply enjoyable . in addition to this  i can ', t imagine anyone seeing the preview and not wanting to see the film . in that order  i conclude that it is pointless for me to even have written this review . i just want everyone to know that i laughed . a lot .
pos based on the boris karloff ', s classic by the same name  the mummy starts off with the high - priest of osiris  imhotep  who murders the pharoah for his mistress and is punished by being mummified in the most horrifying way possible -- bandaged up  having his tongue removed  and being covered in flesh - eating scarab beetles  then entombed . . . all while still alive . recap a few thousand years later  where a soldier named rick ( played by brandan fraser ) aids a young historian named evelyn ( played by rachel wiesz ) and her brother  jonathan ( played by john hannah ) in finding the book of amon ra  in the process inadvertently freeing the mummy . problem is that the mummy wants to revive his mistress  using evelyn as a sacrifice . . . walking in with relatively low expectations  i thought this movie was actually pretty good . the visuals and cgi are astounding  and obviously not cheaply done at all . they pack a ton of detail into the images  especially during scenes involving mummies rendered completely by cgi . the computer special effects makes for some brilliant scenes  such as unnerving moments involving flesh - eating scarab beetles and moments where the mummy goes after the people who freed him ( after all  those who took his artifacts are cursed ) . unfortunately  the film attempts to be way too much in such a short span of time  becoming a tug of war for control between genres . on one hand  it is a fast paced action film . on the other  it ', s a frightening horror film . and on the side  it ', s a hilarious comedy . ideally  for it to be successful  the film would have to focus on one the more action oriented aspect  with one character serving as the comic relief ( that would be johnson ) . the problem with this film is that it has at least three characters serving as comic relief  with rick occasionally delivering his witty one - liner . if they were trying to make a horror - action - comedy  it would have helped if it were established early on in the film  but unfortunately  with the backstory of imhotep ', s entombment  that would be impossible . and then there ', s the slapstick fight scene between a sword - wielding rick and an army of mummies . while really well done  it had the feel of slapstick comedy . replace the sword with a chainsaw and you ', d effectively have ash fighting zombies in army of darkness . while entertaining and funny  it feels really out of place . but at least it ', s a break from the naive heroes that brendan fraser has been playing a lot of . on the whole  the movie is pure popcorn fare from beginning to end  entertaining the audience . but i must end my review with a plea to movie theatre owners . . . turn the sound down ! while a lot of theatres have good sound systems  my ears were almost ringing as i walked out of the theatre ( the sound is particularly irritating and will make you crap your pants if you ', re not careful ) . when they were showing the trailer for the upcoming schwarzenegger film  " end of days "  it was so loud i couldn ', t make anything out .
pos on re - watching italian writer / director dario argento ', s much lauded murder mystery tenebrae  i was struck more than anything else by how many sins he commits as a storyteller and manages to get away with . in emphasising style over matters of plot argento is somewhat notorious in cult film circles  but some aficionados still praise tenebrae as the greatest of his " giallo " murder mysteries . while it ', s certainly not perfect  repeated viewings reveal it to be nonetheless a densely plotted and terrifically stylish thriller . the story follows a promotional visit to rome by famous american mystery novelist peter neal ( anthony franciosa ) where he discovers that a serial killer is on the loose inspired by his latest book " tenebrae " . with the police on his back for leads  he decides to take a personal interest in the case and he soon becomes drawn into a mystery where all is not as it seems . the film benefits enormously from a fine central performance by franciosa . he brings grace  charm and a deceptive benigness to his character which provides an interesting foil to both the violence of the books he writes and the unfolding real - life horror around him . the film is awash with a fascinating psychosexual tension . argento peels back the facade of showbiz and jetset lifestyles to reveal an amoral  ambivalent  shadowy world where desire in all its forms has become a dangerous business . tenebrae is perhaps the most multi - layered of argento ', s scripts to date and there is much bubbling underneath the surface here . it may take at least two or three viewings to appreciate all the psychological themes at play . in that respect it strongly recalls his previous giallo deep red / profondo rosso ( the full - length italian language version ) and fans will enjoy spotting the recurring themes . needless to say for argento fans  there is no denying the director ', s brilliance as a stylist . many of the action and murder sequences are directed with his characteristic finesse and feature plenty of intriguing camerawork . they are all the more impressive for the fact that in this film argento creates mood by filling his scenes with light  rather than the dark shadows and deep rich colours of earlier works like deep red and suspiria . instead  tenebrae ', s set design and lighting paints a sleek  clinical  chilly vision of a vaguely futuristic urban world . and the soundtrack ', s mix of electronic atmospheres and gothic rock by frequent argento collaborators goblin is the perfect accompaniment . so tenebrae has much to recommend it  no question . still  constantly nagging at the back of this viewers mind is several lumps in the narrative . some critics argue that logic doesn ', t matter in argento films  but damnit  it matters in all films to the point where viewers don ', t deserve to feel cheated . by the way  if you don ', t want to know the solution to the mystery then skip the next three paragraphs . about an hour into tenebrae the story takes an unexpected twist which  properly handled  could have proved ingenious . we witness the murder of the serial killer himself by a man who  we later discover  is none other than the author peter neal . he is insane  apparently . the murders then continue for the remainder of the film as neal decides it ', s time to settle some personal business involving his neurotic wife . he is finally revealed to us as this " second killer " in the film ', s bloody climax . but argento muffs the twist  both technically and narratively . you see  we are supposed to be tricked into thinking that during this scene peter neal is actually an innocent witness who was crouching in the bushes nearby the whole time and spying on the killer ', s house . but thanks to poor editing  its had to believe neal could have murdered the killer anyway . bad cutting puts the timing way out . in other words  he ', s almost in two places at once . during this crucial scene we are also thrown a ridiculous red herring . by the film ', s end you realise that for the sake of an alibi neal must have self - inflicted a nasty injury in this earlier scene to make it look like he was attacked by a fleeing assailant . the injury ? he banged himself on the head with a bloody great rock ! thus  the revelation of the " hero " as a killer ( and anti - hero ) in the final scenes may still prove shocking  but its all somewhat implausible by the time the end credits have rolled . helpfully  in the end we do learn that the bizarre flashbacks of personal humiliation and murder that have permeated the film belonged to neal all along . but there too is a problem  as the explanations offered for his motivations are psychologically fuzzy to say the least . the story owes us a better understanding of franciosa ', s mind  his concealed madness and his sudden murderous rampage . tenebrae is also marred by annoying little inconsistencies . for instance  a teenage boy and girl leave a hotel room and minutes later we see the girl riding off on the back of a motorbike . we would assume the rider is the same boy  but it turns out to be some male character we aren ', t even introduced too ! that ', s careless filmmaking  pure and simple . why  you may ask  do i go on about the story ', s flaws ? because when it comes to visuals and set pieces  argento is one of the most exciting filmmakers in the world . take one of the extended scenes in tenebrae . an upset girl wandering the streets at night needlessly taunts a guard dog to the point where - almost unbelievably - it jumps a high fence and chases her across town . finally  as she desperately seeks escape from this crazed canine  she accidentally stumbles on the serial killer ', s lair . it ', s an absolutely masterful sequence  tense and exciting  and communicating a wealth of information through visuals alone . and that ', s exactly the kind of thing that makes the flaws so frustrating . too often  it seems  argento ', s films as a whole are less than the sum of their impressive parts . mind you  if you love murder mysteries then tenebrae is still worth a look . and if you ', re a fan of argento ', s unique style of giallo thriller then it ', s essential . see the uncut widescreen version if you can and drink in some of the wonderful cinematography by luciano tovoli . it ', s a stylish  great - looking and quirky film despite the problem narrative . a shame  because it doesn ', t have to be that way . take argento ', s more recent stendhal syndrome ( 1992 )  where with the aid of co - writer franco ferrini he fashioned a solid storyline without sacrificing any of his surreal weirdness or visual panache . proof that he can do it  if he tries . . .
pos as any sociologist will attest  your childhood and the types of parents that you have will heavily influence your happiness as an adult . parents that are supportive and environments that are nurturing will yield children who will embrace the values and norms that can allow them to live healthy and productive lives . but if your upbringing is marred with violence  hate and dysfunctionality  then your journey towards a happy adulthood will be saddled with psychological obstacles almost too great to overcome . ` affliction ', explores how a man never truly escapes the grip of an unforgivingly nightmarish childhood . the man in question is wade whitehouse ( nick nolte ) . here is a man who is like any other citizen on the surface . he is a productive member of the community and goes about his daily routine much like you and me . but as you scratch beneath the surface  something scary and evil begins to rear its ugly head . we see that he is a mean - tempered person . he has a hard time taking control of his emotions  which usually gets the better of him . he is quick to apologize for his actions and wants to be a gentle person  but something is sparking a tendency towards violence . he also has tremendous problems with relationships . he is divorced and his only connection to love is his daughter . but his bearish persona and stature alienates her . he is visibly shaken by her rejection even though she says that she loves him . his demeanor also puts his relationship with a local townsgirl ( sissy spacek ) at risk . she tries to remain true to him and supportive  but for women unlucky enough to attach themselves to this kind of person  relationships will ultimately end like sentences ending with an exclamation point . finally  he is spiteful and vindictive . as a rejected father  he initiates a custody battle that seems hopeless . as the town ', s only police officer  he issues a speeding ticket to a man whose father has just died . we can see that this is a man that is both afflicted and living with pain . he is a prisoner and a slave to it . he is moving towards a level of madness and insanity that defies comprehension . what kind of force can move a man to the edge of his emotions and beyond the reach of people who genuinely care for him ? we learn that the answer is his father ( james coburn ) . this is the kind of father that every son would be ashamed to have and that any woman would be afraid to meet . he is an overbearingly misogynistic and frequent drunk who rules with an iron fist . we see his tyrannical behavior through flashbacks . to heighten the father ', s churlishness  the flashbacks are shown as home video footage taken by a very frightened person . very effective . today  wade ', s dad is quite elderly  but still manages to instill fear into a grown man . the influence that the father possesses is inescapable  and its unsavory effect clamps down hard on the tortured wade . the result is every son ', s nightmare ? becoming like the father that one has always dreaded to be . this is a terrifically presented piece of psychological drama  and nolte turns in a strong performance as a man whose pain seems to become a detriment as well as a necessity . he ', s a hulking person who is still reduced to whimpers when in the presence of his father . coburn displays heft as the bitter dad . but  it ', s most certainly not saturday - night - friendly fare . there ', s nothing light or fluffy about this film . that may turn many moviegoers away . but it ', s certainly worth noting that this is a well - acted drama showcasing nolte ', s and coburn ', s raw acting talents .
pos is evil dead ii a bad movie ? it ', s full of terrible acting  pointless violence  and plot holes yet it remains a cult classic nearly fifteen years after its release . explaining why this movie stands out from others with similar plots ( including the original evil dead ) is extremely difficult . ` well what ', s it about ? ', ` five people stranded in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere struggling to survive vicious attacks from a variety of ugly  hairy  wart covered monsters . ', ` come on i saw a movie just like that on monster vision last week . why should i see it again ? ', ` no evil dead ii is different  it ', s funny . ', ` it ', s funny to see people die ? are you sick or something ? ', maybe i am and maybe director sam raimi is as well to create such an enigma of a movie . his unique execution is as sarcastic as subtle  as disturbing as it is hilarious . an example of raimi ', s odd approach : a monster ( formerly protagonist ash ', s girlfriend of all people ) is cut in half by a chainsaw and a tidal wave of blood comes from the open wound . sure it ', s over - the - top  but it is so over - the - top that it is laugh out loud funny ; just try watching ash with a straight face as he unexpectedly is showered with ten gallons of blood  staining his face and knocking him back a few feet . the whole movie is like this  watch ash get beat up  watch ash defeat the monster  watch ash get beat up again by another even zanier monster . the more repetitive and unrealistic the movie gets  the more amusing it becomes . no matter how sick it may sound  it is funny to watch bruce ampbell ', s ash get his butt kicked every five minutes . and raimi takes advantage  he has ash tormented by the head of his girlfriend  by the body of an old lady  even by his own right hand . like the less superior idle hands  we watch ash uncontrollably hit himself over and over again until he is forced to cut off his own body part . but it doesn ', t end  ash now has to fight his severed hand which now moves with the same celerity as thing from the addams family . all of these events  thrown at you from minute one with roller coaster - like camera movements  at first become shocking  then inexplicably funny . raimi expects the audience to laugh and as the film progresses  he seems to be enjoying himself even more by borrowing the classic mirror scene from the marx brothers ', duck soup  then bringing more characters into the picture to comically kill them off . with a running time of less than an hour and a half  raimi gets away with the impossible  making a horror film with more gore than plot and intentionally more laughs than scares . ending evil dead ii with an opening for the third film in the series  raimi obviously had a lot of fun making this movie and couldn ', t wait to make it ', s sequel .
pos it ', s rather strange too have two computer animated talking ant movies come out in a single year  but that is what disney and pixar animation ; s latest film represents . while a bugs life isn ', t nearly as deep as it ', s predecessor  dreamwork ', s antz  it is just as funny . a bug ', s life centers  appropriately  around the life of an ant  named flik . flik  cutely voiced by newsradio ', s david foley  hates sticking too tradition and attempts too find new ways of harvesting food and other task . when one of his inventions causes the offering too be completely lost  the leaders of the colony send him out on a mission too get him out of the way . the offering is food that a vile group of grasshoppers force the ants too harvest for them . the leader of the grasshoppers is hopper  who is fiendishly voiced by oscar winner kevin spacey . when the offering is lost hopper is very upset and he vows to return shortly too retrieve double the amount of food . when the leaders of the ant colony send flik out on his mission  they never dream he will be successful  they just hope they can get him out of the way so they can harvest the extra food . flik ', s mission is too hire some warrior bugs too fight off the grasshoppers when they return . instead flik accidentally hires circus performing bugs  who he mistakenly assumes are warriors . when he returns with the ` warriors ',  the town is ecstatic until they find out the truth about their heroes . a bug ', s life has animation that is simply stunning . the sheer uniqueness of the day to day bug life is very imaginative . together with the great voice acting  this film is the perfect holiday family film . its main weakness is that it couldn ', t beat antz to the theaters  making it seem like stale material .
pos not since oliver stone ', s natural born killers has there been a movie this incendiary  and not since david cronenberg has a so - called mainstream director been this willing to repeatedly tiptoe the fine line between pointed social commentary and outright social irresponsibility . while fincher ', s films have never suffered from a lack of shock value ( his major character killings in both alien 3 and seven are fine examples )  fight club marks the distillation of his pitch - black comedic sensibility ( see 1997 ', s the game ) into something like a definitive statement . jack ( norton  acting as both narrator and protagonist ) is your typical cubicle clone  whose disillusionment is amplified by a seemingly incurable insomnia . on the offhand advice of a doctor  he sits in on group - therapy sessions for everything from blood parasites to testicular cancer . here he meets bob ( marvin lee aday  aka meat loaf )  a cancer - emasculated eunuch with profound gynecomastia . strangely  the release he finds while sobbing on bob ', s breasts allows him to sleep at night  at least until a fellow group - therapy " tourist " named marla singer ( carter ) comes along to ruin things for him  forcing a grudging compromise that recalls monty python in its dark hilarity . later  he meets tyler durden ( pitt )  a soap salesman with a decidedly subversive outlook on life . one night  after his ikea - furnished condo explodes ( don ', t ask -- you ', ll just have to see the movie  awright ? )  he is goaded by tyler into a fight  and damned if it doesn ', t feel good . it is pure  raw existence  a brief moment of clarity and purpose that makes his dreary workaday life pale in comparison . he moves into tyler ', s squalid abandoned mansion  and they form the titular organization  an underground therapy group where men bond with bare - knuckle savagery and very few rules  the first two of which are " don ', t talk about fight club . " armed with charisma and an attractive anti - corporate philosophy  tyler assumes leadership of the burgeoning membership of white - collar slaves and dead - end mcemployees . resentment creeps into jack ', s heart  made worse by the fact that tyler is also regularly and noisily boffing the hated marla . funded by a frivolous lawsuit  tyler begins molding his devotees into an army dedicated to mischief and mayhem . their initially juvenile pranks ( like pissing in food and putting spike belts on roads ) quickly evolve into something more like sedition  and jack fears that things have gone sour . it is after this point  when you are plenty uncomfortable and wondering just how far fincher will go to say something original  that the film uncorks a disappointing plot twist . it is so contrived -- and so conventional compared to what precedes it -- that everything which follows ( including the ending ) becomes far less interesting . it ', s a major ( though not fatal ) flaw  and for a director as notoriously unpredictable as fincher  it feels like a cop - out . fight club is going to be misconstrued by a great many people . in the early going  it has a downright dangerous feel ; it seems to be saying that violence and civil disobedience are good for the soul  and this is undoubtedly the message that a few moronic punks are going to take from it . i ', ll be mightily surprised if imitation fight clubs don ', t spring up here and there  and i ', ll be even more amazed if fincher isn ', t vilified for it by the same humorless witch - hunters that are currently after oliver stone . they needn ', t bother  because fight club is less a message movie than fincher ', s elaborate attempt at a joke . tyler durden  for all his dionysian allure  is really nothing more than the logical ( and far less hypocritical ) extrapolation of all those self - help gurus who constantly show up on oprah to preach their me - first gospel of self - actualization . in this context  the joke works  but like the latest columbine joke  some people will get it and enjoy a good laugh  and others won ', t . hopefully  though  their silly moral outrage won ', t spoil the joke for the rest of us .
pos plot : a bunch of bad guys dressed up as elvis impersonators rob a vegas casino during a presley convention . the boys eventually get together to split the money  but as plans change  double - crosses occur  dealing and wheeling goes down and the crew set up for the road . who ', s on the up and up  who ', s the real bad guy and who ', s gonna get to bang courteney cox are just a few of the questions which will be answered by the rest of this movie . critique : the funnest movie that i ', ve seen so far this year ! it ', s got style  it ', s got tough guys talkin ', shite and it ', s got plenty of bullets to go around . a definite hunk - a - hunk - a burnin ', adventure ! a guy ', s guy movie through and through  and one that ', ll set your jollies to high if you dig on the rough stuff . it ', s not very original  it goes on for a little too long  but costner and russell make it happen  as two shite - kickin ', elvis lovers  who don ', t stop till they  more or less  drop . this movie ', s got some pretty intensive shoot - out scenes  one of the coolest robbery scenarios that i ', ve ever witnessed  featuring several elvises with guns a blazin ', and the king ', s music playing in the background  and a decent helping of double - crosses  sharp dialogue and funny moments . in fact  even though the cast is filled with many name actors ( b - actors as they might be for the most part )  most of them do their bit and succeed well in passing the torch onto the next victim . but the true glue that holds this film together  other than the spirit of elvis himself  is costner and russell  who play their badass characters to the t . sure  russell ', s been down this road before  but costner surprised me with his nastiness . i guess he ', s pissed at all the box - office bombs that he ', s been in of late  but he sure played a great unstable elvis impersonating robber here . in the end  the bottom line with this movie is having fun  kickin ', ass and making sure there ', s enough bubblegum around to chew afterwards . and smoke ', em if you got ', em  folks ! there is also this one really great show - down scene between costner and a cop  that ', ll have you crackin ', up and lovin ', it all at the same time . the violent scenes in this movie are violent and the entire film is wrapped in a soundtrack that ', ll kick your arse from this end of the theatre to the next . it should actually come to no surprise to anyone that the director of this movie comes from a music video background  with plenty  and i mean plenty  of camera tricks  cuts and edits  but for this kind of flick  it actually works . the film is not perfect though  it starts off with a pretty big bang  but then pulls a way of the gun on us  and slows the pace down somewhat in the middle  while characters intermingle and disperse . i was personally kept in the game despite some soft spots  and enjoyed the overall ride for what it was as well . and did i mention that courteney cox looked mega - hot in the movie ? no . . . okay  well i just did ! i coulda done without her whole " romance " angle  but to be honest  it doesn ', t take up much of the film  which is generally covered in blood  explosions  guts and elvis nods . try to see how many " inside " connections to the king you can guess . of course  it ', s no secret that i am quite a big elvis fan myself so please take this whole review with that grain of salt in mind . i also like these types of " guy " movies a lot  and even though the film doesn ', t bring much originality to the table  it does offer a pretty coherent story  some nice twists and turns  humor and a big ol ', helping of whoop - ass coming straight from costner and russell ', s respective boots . probably not a film for everyone  but definitely for those who enjoy the guns  the charismatic bad guys and a fun  if entirely disposable  adventure . now see how many elvis songs i ', ve used to pun my way through this phony review below . the elvis songs also recommend this movie ! so whether you ', re lonesome tonight or any other night  remember to pack the teddy bear with bullets  leave your little sister at home  bring your bossa nova baby and rock out of that jailhouse  cause this movie ain ', t one to return to the sender . i really beg of you  whether you ', re stuck in the ghetto or crying in the chapel  to slap this cinematic ring around your neck and love it tender . and no suspicious minds either  folks  cause i got stung by this movie  i mean it really shook me up  and unless you ', re the devil in disguise himself  i think you won ', t be able to help falling in love with this lucky charm either . so don ', t be cruel  don ', t turn away  don ', t curl up with your latest flame tonite ( whether she be a hard - headed woman or not ) and surrender to the hound dog of movies that is this film . it ', s now or never  folks . trust me  i did it my way and the heartbreak hotel of crappy movies that i ', d seen so far this year is far behind me . joblo has now officially left the sanity of his mind and this building . thank you . . . thank you very much ! ! where ', s joblo coming from ? get carter ( 7 / 10 ) - heat ( 8 / 10 ) - honeymoon in vegas ( 9 / 10 ) - payback ( 8 / 10 ) - reindeer games ( 5 / 10 ) - reservoir dogs ( 9 / 10 ) - way of the gun ( 6 / 10 )
pos > from the commercials  this looks like a mild - mannered neil simonesque tale with mary tyler moore baring her bra touted as the highlight . instead it turns out to be a hilarious film running in high gear from beginning to end . the concept is deceptively pedestrian . an adult adopted son is looking for his biological parents and encounters eccentric characters along the way . the movie demonstrates just how far a good script and actors can take a mundane idea . the son and his wife take off on the search accompanied by a woman from the agency who located his parents . following one dead end lead after another  each funnier than the previous  they eventually end up in new mexico with his real biological parents : alan alda and lily tomlin . it ', s difficult to condense the mile - a - minute plot . seemingly hundreds of scenes jump on top of each other without giving you a chance to recover from the last one . without giving too much away  one of the better episodes involves a gay federal alcohol  tobacco and firearms agent attempting an arrest while tripping on lsd as his bi - sexual partner is upstairs licking the armpit of a woman while her husband is in the next room seducing their traveling companion . and it ', s all done in a fairly clean  almost ( well  maybe not exactly ) family fare manner . a grand cast ( tomlin  alda  moore  ben stiller  patricia arquette  tea leoni  george segal ) interacts in a seamless parade of laughs . drawing from a more hyper woody allen style  the film succeeds beyond expectations .
pos i ', m not quite sure how best to go about writing this review . i must admit that i was a little disappointed by barry levinson ', s political satire " wag the dog  " but in retrospect  this has less to do with the film itself than with false expectations i had going into it . quite a few of the reviews i have read led me to believe that this film was absolutely hilarious and would make me laugh out loud the whole way through  and it didn ', t do that . they also led me to believe that it would deliver a vicious and all - too - true attack on the way the american political media works  and it didn ', t quite do that either . a few of them even suggested that it would prove a worthy successor to stanley kubrick ', s " dr . strangelove " in the tradition of political black comedy  and it most definitely didn ', t do that . that said  " wag the dog " is actually a very clever satire on the shady manipulations of political figures and those who assist them . the story revolves around the attempts of political spin doctor conread brean ( robert deniro ) to distract the american public from the accusations that the president  who is up for re - election in two weeks  sexually harassed a young girl in the oval office . the accusations  the script suggests  are probably untrue  but as brean so pointedly puts it  that isn ', t particularly relevant : the scandal is likely to derail the president ', s campaign regardless of its truth or falsehood . brean  along with his assistant ( anne heche )  decide to contact hollywood producer stanley motss ( dustin hoffman ) to enlist his help in concocting enough propaganda and special - effects trickery to make it appear that the u . s . is going to war with albanian terrorists and thus propel the president to victory on a wave of patriotic fervor . as i said  " wag the dog " is not quite as laugh - out - loud hilarious as i had expected  but there are some genuinely funny moments to be found here  such as when  in an echo of a familiar movie clich ?  the camera pans out over an urban sunset to the strains of uplifting  inspirational music  then cuts to a studio to reveal that the singing is coming from a group of musicians whom motss has assembled to perform " we have the right to fight for democracy . " another scene shows us how  with modern editing equipment  an actress running across a sound stage with a bag of potato chips can be turned into a frightened young girl and her kitten fleeing a terrorist attack on her village . the most consistently effective gag revolves around the propaganda team ', s attempt to forge a fictional war hero out of sgt . william " old shoe " schumann ( woody harrelson )  an ex - military officer who turns out to be a first - class psycho . of course  not everything goes as planned ; the cia  for example  realizes what ', s going on and strikes a deal with the president ', s electoral opponent to report to the media that the " fighting " has ended  forcing motss and brean to come up with a new angle on the supposed albanian crisis . still  even with the cia ', s involvement  the film falls a little short in terms of making this scenario believable . regardless of the official word from the president or the cia  wouldn ', t the major media outlets have eastern european correspondents who could verify that there is  in fact  no fighting going on in albania ? the film never addresses this question  nor does it show the reactions of the american public to the news of the apparent war except for a few scenes which border on the farcical  such as when basketball fans litter the court with shoes in support of the aforementioned sgt . schumann ; we are apparently meant to assume that everyone is buying it . there was also an instance  towards the end of the film  in which one of motss ', s forced reinventions of the story seems to contradict what he and brean had been selling to the public thus far and could conceivably have given the game away . with these plot holes  " wag the dog " doesn ', t quite work as a satire of american politics  but it does send up the mentality that might lead to these kinds of machinations in the first place . brean and his advisors never seem concerned that what they are doing is unethical ; rather  they worry about how convincing it will be and whether or not they have enough money to pull it off . the film takes a decidely dark turn towards the end  as we learn how far they are willing to go in order to keep the propaganda campaign a secret . motss and his hollywood buddies  meanwhile  seem completely out of touch with the rest of the world and just see this undertaking as another creative project . in fact  one of the sources of conflict in the film is motss ', s increasing restlessness with the idea of not being able to take credit for producing the fake war ; in his mind  it is the greatest work of art he has ever created . i think it ', s fair to say that " wag the dog " underachieves a little bit : more attention to the public reaction and tighter plotting might have made this into a four - star film and a classic satire . still  the issue of an american president using war and patriotism to distract from scandals or domestic unpopularity is a very real one . wag the dog takes the issue one step further and asks  what if the war wasn ', t even real ? with this premise and the talented cast  the film still delivers more consistently than most  whatever its flaws .
pos the sheer horrific audacity of the nazi plan to exterminate the jews of europe is almost incomprehensible . people may make documentaries about it for another hundred years and still not understand the organized  methodical hatred . five concentration camp survivors from the last days of world war ii tell their stories in the last days  the first documentary from steven spielberg ', s survivors of the shoah visual history foundation . the five interviewees are linked by their hungarian ancestry . as the introduction explains  even as germany started to lose the war  the nazis stepped up their extermination of the jews in europe . in 1944  hungary had the last big population of jews within germany ', s reach  and they became the last target of hitler ', s " final solution . " each of the five tells his or her story . their stories are intercut chronologically  starting from normal life in pre - war hungary . they recall the nazi invasion of hungary  being sent to " work " camps and their realization that they were actually in death camps . they recall their horrible  precarious lives in auschwitz and buchenwald ; the deaths of their family and friends ; their loss of hope . each recalls his or her unfathomable  eventual liberation . and finally  the last days shows their cathartic  pained  modern - day return to their old homes and the camps . needless to say  their stories are horrifying  amazing  and emotionally draining . by themselves  the stories would be forceful testaments  but by cutting them in parallel  their impact is multiplied by five . the last days is a talking - heads style documentary -- it ', s mostly pictures of people telling their stories  intercut with period photographs and newsreel footage . in this kind of movie it ', s almost impossible to get archival pictures from the same time and place being discussed on - screen  but director james moll made a better effort than most at finding specific  or at least relevant  images to go with his subjects ', narration . the liner notes ( one of the many nice features of this dvd ) indicate that there is some never - before - seen historical footage in the last days . it ', s not clear which scene it is . it could be one of two that i hadn ', t seen before  both powerful . one is rare color footage  shot by an american  of piles of victims in cattle cars . there is something jarring  something unsettling about seeing the pictures in color  when so much of the footage from world war ii is in black and white . another segment shows walking skeletons ; survivors who are so starved that they hardly look human anymore . there has been a glut of holocaust movies and i was skeptical that a new documentary would have anything new to say . but by focusing on hungarian jews during the last days of the war  moll told a specific part of the story in a new way  in greater detail . and i ', m glad he did because his careful filmmaking stands up well compared to other movies on the same subject . the transfer to dvd is rich and beautiful . x - mozilla - status : 0009f words for a holocaust documentary  but some of the interviews take place in europe in late spring  when skies are blue and trees are green . also  the movie was shot on 35mm film ( and not video ! )  so the richness and detail are impeccable . the dvd ', s features are plentiful and well - chosen . there is a theatrical trailer for the movie  which is a great introduction to the subject matter . there are about fifty still photos  both from the production crew and from the private collections of the survivors . also  the disc has two complete versions of the movie ( widescreen and full screen )  both on the same side . one of the more interesting dvd features is an outtake segment for each of the survivors ( plus one for the crew ) . you ', d think outtakes would be inappropriate in a holocaust documentary  but they ', re not bloopers . instead  they are solid  moving segments that were probably cut from the film only for length . one of them continues a confrontation that was only touched on lightly in the film . renee firestone ( one of the five ) spoke on camera with dr . hans m ? nch  a german doctor who ran the medical clinic at auschwitz . firestone was aggressive  questioning the doctor about what his children thought . the doctor was evasive and clearly uncomfortable . another of the outtakes showed bill basch saying a prayer for his dead friends at auschwitz . he ends his prayer by saying " . . . forgive me for surviving . " it ', s ambitious to shoot a documentary on 35mm film . it ', s ambitious to make it on a subject that has saturated cable  television  and movies . it ', s ambitious to make it 54 years after the events it covers . but the last days handles all these potential obstacles very well . it ', s only fitting that the dvd  with its wealth of interesting and relevant features  would also be ambitious and successful .
pos it is easy to label something sentimental or tear jerking when one has not experienced the heartache of losing a child ? whether that may be in life or in death . after having said that  i will also say that this movie does all of the above very well . one gets that choking sensation in the throat ( because of grief ) when one brother forgives another for a costly mistake  or when a husband hugs his wife after a long estrangement . there is no ocean  no drownings and it does not conjure up memories of yet another ? ordinary people ', . in fact the only thing remotely connected to the ocean is probably tap water and the toilet flushing ( not that this literally happened in the movie ) . so what are the lessons learnt : 1 . don ', t take your children to class reunions . 2 . don ', t leave them alone in the lobby  not even for a second . michelle pfeiffer once again plays the role of a highly - strung wife and mother  a trend that started with ? a thousand acres ', and ? one fine day ', . my comment is that she is exceptionally fine strung in this movie  so much so that when she has a nervous break down  the veins on her temples bulge impressively . whoopi golberg also puts in an understated performance  playing a lesbian cop  with a name that makes one want to reach for a lollipop . lastly  who are the ideal companions for this sort of movie ? my grandmother comes to mind .
pos i know that " funnest " isn ', t a word . " fun " is a noun  and therefore cannot be conjugated like an adjective . but that ', s the word that came to me right after viewing " chicken run . " no wonder : this is the kind of movie that reduces you to childish expressions  like " that was the funnest movie i ', ve ever seen ! " so to hell with webster ', s -- " chicken run " is one of the funnest movies i ', ve seen in a while . i can ', t remember the last time i ', ve seen anything funner . the chickens at tweedy ', s farm are up to something . living in a concentration camp - like atmosphere  they are led by one plucky hen called ginger ( voice of julia sawalha ) who continually comes up with plans for escape -- and always gets caught  subsequently spending day after day in the coal box . one night  a brash american rooster flies in over the fence  calling himself rocky ( mel gibson )  famous flying rooster and circus performer . rocky promises to teach the chickens how to fly  and the situation grows more desperate as the nefarious mrs . tweedy ( miranda richardson ) decides to abandon the farm ', s egg - selling plan for a pie - selling plan . she orders a huge pie - making machine  cackling  " chickens go in ; pies come out . " what sort of pies ? chicken pies  of course . co - director nick park and his studio  aardman animation  produced three oscar - winning short films : " creature comforts  " " the wrong trousers  " and " a close shave . " the latter two were the second and third installments of a trilogy starring the delightful team wallace & gromit  a man and his dog famous for getting themselves into increasingly peculiar adventures . part of what made the " wallace " films brilliantly entertaining was park ', s uncanny ability to make an old story seem new . " the wrong trousers  " for example  pulled out a lot of old hitchcockian suspense tricks  and " a close shave " owed a great deal of inspiration to classic detective stories . but in the hands of park and his team  the stories felt fresh and inspired  and not the least bit contrived . now teaming with co - director peter lord  park has created a similar creature in " chicken run . " the plot is largely lifted from " the great escape " ( watch for a quick reference to the ball - bouncing scene )  with some spielberg - inspired action sequences providing the excitement . thing is  the film doesn ', t feel like it ', s been lifted from somewhere else ; " chicken run " feels fresh  alive  like nothing else ever done . part of it is the original idea : who in the world came up with the idea to make a prisoners - of - war movie starring chickens ? park and lord milk the incongruity for all it ', s worth : the characters treat their situation as if it were dead serious  and to them  it is . but they ', re * chickens *  so it ', s funny to us . another thing that helps " chicken run " ( and most of park ', s films ) succeed is the animators ', subtle way of giving nods to the very films they ', re cribbing . there are references to " the great escape  " obviously  and " stalag 17 . " the chase sequence inside the chicken grinder parodies both " raiders of the lost ark " and " indiana jones and the temple of doom . " there ', s even a nod to " the blues brothers  " if you can believe it  and the filmmakers even get in a little light - hearted ribbing at the expense of their star voice actor  taking a couple of very subtle jabs at mel gibson ', s nationality and film history . the " braveheart " reference is a hoot if you catch it . when you consider just how fine a line resides between a funny parody and a redundant one  " chicken run " is downright brilliant in its execution . consider this : since july of last year  i ', ve seen dozens upon dozens of " blair witch project " parodies  on television  on the radio  and online . out of all those  maybe one or two were amusing  the rest tiresome . why ? because once you got past the thought that " they ', re parodying that &# 8216 ; blair witch ', movie  " most of the parodies had nothing to offer -- no insight  no original idea  no greater purpose . they were only funny if you had seen the movie ; otherwise  you got nothing . conversely  " chicken run " doesn ', t lean on its parodies -- the film references are never the sole focus of any scene . if you ', ve never seen " indiana jones  " the chase sequence is still fun . even if you have no idea who mel gibson is  rocky remains an interesting character . park  lord  and screenwriter karey kirkpatrick realize that an audience does not need a parody shoved in their faces before it ', s understood  and as a result  " chicken run " is filled with visual and verbal jabs that are never too obvious  but not quite vague either . enjoyment of this movie doesn ', t require knowledge of film history  but if you ', ve got it  " chicken run " is that much richer . the voice cast turns in uniformly lively performances  and the characters they play are given so many subtle nuances that it ', s hard not to fall in love with every one of them . ginger is perfect  spunky and opinionated  but with a soft heart that forbids her to leave her companions behind  and julia sawalha ( known as the cute mousy girl on " absolutely fabulous " ) nails it . she has warm  human chemistry with gibson  whose rocky hides his personal doubt under a brash gung - ho veneer . the characters ', inevitable romance doesn ', t feel contrived  but sweet . poor mr . tweedy ( tony haygarth ) suspects the chickens are organizing in some way  but his limited intellect prevents him from figuring things out  and his overbearing wife certainly isn ', t any help . jane horrocks delivers a lovely voice characterization as tragically optimistic babs ( a hen that runs away with most of the best one - liners  all while perpetually crocheting a sweater )  and two supply - trading rats that seem to have walked straight out of a monty python sketch nearly steal the show during the lively central swing - dancing sequence . they even come up with an inspired riff on something that ', s baffled scholars and theologians alike for decades : the chicken vs . egg dilemma . one might have expected this inevitable joke to come off as wearisome  but as with most of " chicken run  " it comes as a delightful surprise . the film manages to cross all barriers ; it should be accessible to both children and adults  brits and yanks  rats and chickens . the animation is first - rate . remember that this was all done the old - fashioned way  with actual humans moving clay figurines around on a tiny set bit by painstaking bit  and you see just how truly remarkable " chicken run " really is . this movie possesses that same quality that makes pixar studios ', animation great : precise and unwavering attention to detail . as in such top - notch family fare as " a bug ', s life " or " toy story 2  " " chicken run " has something to offer in nearly every frame . certainly a passive viewer can enjoy it as a straightforward story with a worthwhile moral and some surprisingly touching scenes  but a active  attentive viewers will enjoy it even more because they ', ll catch all the details . anyway  the movie ', s just a boatload of fun . funnest damn movie i ', ve seen all year .
pos capsule : a short punchy action sequel to the two dinosaur films made by steven spielberg . joe johnston directs a straightforward story of an excursion back to the island of the dinosaurs . it lets us see some new dinosaurs ( is that an oxymoron ? ) and gives us a nice and generally reasonably written adventure . the film is neither ambitious nor pretentious . i had a good time .  low + 2 ( - 4 to + 4 ) here goes my credibility . this is a film on which i expect to be in a minority . i liked the third jurassic park film . i even liked the second jurassic park film . in a lot of ways jurassic park : the lost world was a creative three - way braiding together of michael crichton ', s novel the lost world  arthur conan doyle ', s novel the lost world  and the classic silent film version of the doyle . jp2 was an adventure  as doyle said  " for the boy who ', s half man or the man who ', s half boy . " that is what all the jurassic park films are . expecting them to give the viewer insights into the human condition is like expecting your car to vacuum your house . the classic adventure films like gunga din or king solomon ', s mines had under - written characters also . jurassic park iii is an all out adventure on an island inhabited by dinosaurs . the characters are a little more complex than they at first appear to be  and even that is a little more complex than i was expecting . some of the characters who start out looking stupid and useless prove to be neither as the film proceeds . that degree of complexity combined with those very realistic looking dinosaur effects is just about as much as i require . i feel i got my money ', s worth . the story opens with eric ( played by trevor morgan ) and friend parasailing near the forbidden island of isla sorna off costa rica . this was the research island where the dinosaurs were created for the now defunct jurassic park . they hope  no doubt  to get a look at the island ', s dinosaurs from a safe height . the height is safe  but driving the boat in the water is not . the two soon find themselves in trouble and have to ditch their parasail onto the island where they do indeed get a better look at the dinosaurs than they had intended . flash to the united states and someone is offering to fund paleontologist alan grant ( sam neill ) in his research if he will go and fly over isla sorna and act as a guide . he has said that no force on earth or heaven could get him back near real dinosaurs . but again money convinces him to drop what he is doing and go . doing the convincing is a wealthy and eccentric couple ( william h . macy and tea leoni ) who has been just about everywhere else in the world and wants the adventure of seeing real dinosaurs . they too plan to see the island from a safe height grant is relieved to learn . he will fly over this island at a safe altitude just this once . right . guess what happens next ? jp3 probably functions better as a sequel than jp2 . first it has alan grant and ellie sattler ( laura dern ) back rather than the much less appealing ian malcolm . sattler has a much smaller part in jp3  but is still present to tie this story to the first . curiously each film seems to arrange to have a signature scene with characters holding on to some large metal object that is about to fall some great distance . one thing that does not quite fit with the earlier films is just as grant discovers that raptors may be able to talk to each other  suddenly they seem to be doing it all the time . they did not appear to be conversing in the previous films . of course  these raptors look a little different also  so perhaps they are a different related species . not only are they more intelligent than in the past films  they are also more sympathetic . in this story they are not just killing machines  they have reasonable motives for what they do beyond nutrition . this time around they may be a little too anthropomorphized . each new film in the series introduces us to some new dinosaurs  of course . in this film a major threat is from a spinosaurus  not as common or as popularly known as a tyrannosaurus  but larger and presumably more nasty . it has a crocodile ', s head and the body that looks like a dimetrodon walking upright . perhaps as an economy measure or just to create a mood the visual effects team frequently obscures our view of the dinosaurs . sometimes they just move too fast to see . occasionally darkness or fog obscures our vision . a few times we get unconvincing matte shot  particularly of the laboratory . but there is less money on the screen in terms of dinosaur effects than in the two previous films . the musical score by don davis borrows heavily from john williams ', s score for the first film . joe johnston  who directs  already has to his credit two very good films i recommend the rocketeer and october sky . a team including alexander payne and jim taylor known for election writes the screenplay . the film they have made is a long way from great cinema  but it still is fun . if you get a thrill from seeing what look very much like live dinosaurs alive today  the film is for you . i rate it a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low + 2 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
pos just look back two years ago at the coen brothers ', comedic gem the big lebowski  change the actors  take away the bowling alley  add a record store  and you ', ve got high fidelity ( or maybe the other way around since nick hornby ', s novel high fidelity came first ) . either way  it ', s been done before  a trio of losers cracking jokes and complaining about their failed romances  yet it remains consistently funny . why is this ? maybe because you know your life is much better than this  you know these guys are more pathetic than you are  and you know its ok to laugh at them because they ', re fictional . director stephen frears  possibly not intentionally  has created a movie that makes you feel good about yourself and even that ostensibly no good uncle who watches television twenty four hours a day . when watching high fidelity  expect to laugh at someone else ', s pain  realize what you are laughing at  and then laugh again . i laughed at dick ( todd louiso )  the shy  timorous  steve buscemi character of lebowski  who seems to know what he is talking about but either can ', t put it into words or is harshly rejected by his friends . i laughed at the john goodman character barry ( jack black )  an exact replica of the comic bookstore owner on the simpsons  pudgy  egotistic  and obnoxious at the same time . and i laughed at rob ( john cusack )  the jeff bridges type  whom the story revolves around . rob is the character easiest to relate to  but he is nothing like you at all . he uncontrollably cheats and lies  then is unable to realize why he can not hold onto a woman . and like his other miserable friends  pop music is where he inevitably goes for comfort . he spends the afternoons at his job quizzing his coworkers with obscure trivia or listening to new music and either deriding it or praising it . whatever human emotions the clash  aretha franklin  and bruce springsteen records hold  rob and co . grasp them and help fill voids in their social lives . rob has built an extensive collection in his record store as well as his home and he organizes them depending on what mood he is in . during this confused stage of his life in which the movie focuses on  rob is trying to cope with numerous rejections over the years by visiting past girlfriends and eventually asking why they dumped him . but these aren ', t any girlfriends ? these girls made the all time top five break ups in the history of rob ( rob ', s incessant use of lists show how pop music has played a major role in his life ) . the plot in three words is : women and music . the approach director stephen frears takes by having the charismatic rob speak directly to the camera is very effective . it gives high fidelity a quickly paced  informal structure  adjectives which perfectly parallel rob ', s own lifestyle . it also helps open the viewer ', s eyes as to how annoying barry is . jack black steals the show with a hilariously realistic performance as a total sleaze ball . just listening to him speak for five minutes makes the audience immediately sympathetic for rob  who must work with him every day of the week . what frears does so well is that he makes us feel sorry for rob while laughing at his misfortunes . john cusack plays his character convincingly but it is the strong supporting cast  consisting of big stars and character actors  that really defines rob . now instead of rob just talking to the camera  after he explains something  the remaining cast members physically and humorously create what he is trying to say . the only problem with high fidelity is that it doesn ', t end when it should have ended . instead the movie goes on for a torturous twenty minutes that seem a lot longer than that . also bruce springsteen is completely wasted in a brief cameo halfway through the movie . high fidelity is a cheerful  old fashioned comedy with a voluminous soundtrack and as many laughs . i just hope hollywood keeps creating losers on the big screen  they make everyone look and feel great .
pos plot : a human space astronaut accidentally falls upon a planet ruled by apes . he is taken prisoner along with some other humans  and tries his best to escape his simian captors . oh yeah  and did i mention that the apes can talk ? kewl ! critique : despite this film not looking like a " tim burton movie " or its lead human character showing any signs of being a human being himself  i did find myself generally entertained throughout most of this film and do recommend it as fun  summer fare . although the thing that sets this movie apart from all others is definitely its incredible ape make - up jobs and characterizations . i mean  i was completely convinced that every single one of these apes was for real ! i also have to " give it up " to all of the actors inside the costumes  not only for waking up at three in the morning every day to get make - up slobbered all over them for 2 - 4 hours  but for coming through their costumed exteriors and selling us their characters on the screen as well . i especially enjoyed bonham carter ', s performance  who i believed to be the most developed character in the entire film ( human or ape ) and tim roth ', s bad guy  who chewed up scenery and oozed evil in every scene in which he took part . plot - wise  i liked the beginning of the film  the whole build - up once wahlberg got into the village  the escape and most of the fight scenes  but once things got out into the deserted area ( and the final battle sequence )  i kinda lost a bit of my interest . i was much more intrigued by the interactions between the characters and the whole idea of " human beings as animals " then i was about the end battle sequence  which just seemed a bit too typical for this kind of film . i also hated the " kid " character who just got on my nerves and didn ', t really care for the way that the battle sequence was resolved ( i won ', t ruin it here but c ', mon guys . . . you coulda thought of something a little more plausible than that  no ? ) . but the thing that held this movie back more than anything else was its lead character  his cold demeanor and the zero chemistry that he shared with either one of his inter - species love interests . this dude didn ', t seem to give a rat ', s ass about anyone but himself and i ultimately didn ', t really care about what happened to him either . now i ', m not sure if this was the fault of the actor or the script  but the film suffered because of it . visually  the movie was also nice to look at ( especially the apes ! )  but i definitely expected greater coolness from tim burton . the " surprise ending " that highlighted the original planet of the apes film back in 1968  felt a little tacked on here  and despite being interesting  didn ', t really make all that much sense to me ( unless you look at it from a sequel point of view ) . so overall  i loved the whole " feel " of the planet  the apes that ruled it  the manner in which they treated the humans  screamed  shouted and reverted the entire evolution chain  but didn ', t appreciate the film ', s lack of human character development ( why was kris kristofferson even in this movie ? ) and the fact that its lead male and female humans were just plain boring . but i would still recommend this film as a fun  summer movie with laughs  creepiness and a really cool premise . ps : for anyone who has seen the original  i cannot believe that they didn ', t at least bring back the scene in which the lead human character ( in this case  mark wahlberg ) goes nuts at the world in which he ', s suddenly been thrust ( " this is a mad house ! " - type of thing ) . the guy in this film barely seems to be " put off " by the fact that he ', s surrounded by apes who can speak english ! ! where ', s joblo coming from ? the arrival ( 8 / 10 ) - battlefield earth ( 7 / 10 ) - godzilla ( 4 / 10 ) - instinct ( 6 / 10 ) - mission to mars ( 3 / 10 ) - pitch black ( 7 / 10 ) - ( 1968 ) planet of the apes ( 9 / 10 ) - sleepy hollow ( 8 / 10 )
pos disaster films have a tendency to be very formulated and very cliched . to see a disaster film with actual originality  or at least a decent plot twist  would definitely be a welcome surprise . unfortunately  folks  it ', s not likely . dante ', s peak is cliched  and at times corny  but also pretty decent . to be honest  i wasn ', t very interested in seeing this film  and word of mouth  as well as several reviews  didn ', t make it sound promising . so i was pleasantly surprised that to find that this movie wasn ', t bad at all . it ', s pretty run of the mill  but it ', s not something i would say is merely " ok " to watch . in case you don ', t know  dante ', s peak is about a volcano and the city which lives in it ', s shadow  dante ', s peak ( who would ', ve guessed  eh ? ) . pierce brosnan plays the volcanologist sent to study the volcano and  perhaps more by hunch than actual scientific proof  is determined that the volcano will be arupting in the very near future . due to the lack of more substantial evidence  nobody warns the small town  and when they finally do  it ', s in the middle of the town meeting that the volcano finally blows . brosnan  all around good guy  will  of course  save the day . . . or at least the mayor of dante ', s peak ( linda hamilton ) . naturally the two will become infatuated with one another . ( if you think i just ruined a plot development  you haven ', t seen very many movies ! ) there ', s also the virtually neccessary kids and pet dog to tug at your heart strings . and of course  the kids or the dog ( at least one or the other ) will do something heroic . . . but hey  i don ', t want to ruin all the surprises ! if there was a part of you that was hesitating seeing dante ', s peak merely because it was rumored to be a waste of time  i urge you to watch it and decide for yourself . it ', s not brain food  but it succeeds at what it ', s meant to be . . . an enjoyable  suspenseful movie about the fury mother nature can unleash !
pos in brief : best bleak comedy film since heathers . full of wonderful swipes at the fifteen minutes of fame mentality that feeds so much of modern american pop culture . go see it ! so  i prepared for this film by watching a moving interview on " hard copy " with pam smart  the new hampshire media teacher who was convicted of engineering the death of her husband back in the 1980 ', s . " hard copy " ', s diane diamond asked smart what she thought about nicole kidman ', s fictionalized portrayal of her in the new film to die for . smart replied that she thought kidman ', s character came off as a dumb  vicious tramp and she thought that the publicity the new movie generates might just hurt her chances in her latest court appeal . ( smart was convicted and given a life sentence for her part in the murder of her husband . ) smart ', s got a point . it wouldn ', t be the first time that the public took the better scripted and well - acted movie version of an event as the absolute truth over the duller and far less artistic real life version . however  given a choice between the mass media ', happening ', of the real event and the fictionalized movie  i would definitely opt for the later . real murderers rarely have dialogue as witty as what buck henry has written for this movie and smart  while pretty and alluring  is no match for the cinematic charms of nicole kidman . to die for begins in a town called little hope  new hampshire  the archetypal dry and intellectually barren american suburb . the story concerns the ambitious suzanne stone and how she tackles the obstacles between her and her life long ambition of being ', on tv . ', of course  one of those little obstacles turns out to be her dull and unambitious husband larry  played by matt dillon . but  with a little imagination  some charm and raw sex appeal and a rather novel approach to junior achievement  our heroine manages to overcome the nay - sayers in her life  at least temporarily . kidman triumphs in the trashy role of suzanne . i have never really been all that fond of this actress but she shows a wonderful flair for comedy in this picture . her portrayal of the incredibly shallow and dumb femme fatale resonates . kidman knows a star - making role when she sees it and she plays the conscience - deprived suzanne as the ultimate career driven  post - feminist uber - temptress from hell . she is ably abetted by wonderfully demented comic dialogue  which kidman delivers in a unselfconsciously funny way . at one point suzanne is expounding on her knowledge of world events to her future husband and sister - in - law . " you know  " she knowingly exclaims  " gorbachev would still be the leader of russia or whatever  if he had just had that ugly purplish thing removed from his head . " her husband beams at suzanne ', s profound knowledge of world politics and then proudly proclaims that this qualifies her to be the next barbara walters . this is very close to pop culture bashing heaven  folks . the other standout performance in the film is delivered by joaquin phoenix . he plays jimmy  a burned out teenager who becomes addicted to suzanne ', s sexual favors . kidman ', s character  vapid though she is  is a sort of suave beacon of success to jimmy and his lost friends russell and lydia  winningly portrayed by casey affleck and alison folland . phoenix looks like the very embodiment of gen - x slackerhood ( as envisioned by tabloid tv  of course ) . his jimmy has the dead eyes and demeanor of a kid who knows that he ain ', t going anywhere  ever . phoenix reacts to the sexy suzanne with a sort of obsessed amazement and he makes us believe that a loser character like jimmy really would be willing to kill for someone like suzanne  someone who actually noticed him . gus van sant ( drugstore cowboy  my own private idaho ) direction is first - rate . he keeps the pacing in this not - quite - thriller snapping along . van sant rightly keeps the focus of this movie on the amoral suzanne and doesn ', t stop to proselytize the audience about the rightness or wrongness of her actions . van sant trusts his material and trusts his audience to ', get it ', without stopping to explain what is funny about this all - american story . the screenplay  by buck henry  is absolutely great and includes some of the best bleakly comic lines i ', ve heard since heathers . henry ', s story is a blast against the shallowness of the american media and the mindlessness of fame  yet the screenplay delivers this sharp message by focusing on just a few characters . henry ably manages to avoid diluting his story by aiming at too many targets and the result is a crisp and funny mini - classic . danny elfman did the original music for this movie and he delivers another eccentric  loopy score that strongly echoes his themes for edward scissorhands . either film score would make wonderful background music for halloween trick - or - treat parties . all - in - all  a wonderful production  well worth your seven bucks ! to die for : a columbia pictures release directed by gus van sant . written by buck henry score by danny elfman starring nicole kidman  matt dillon  joachin phoenix based on the book by joyce maynard . rated r - for language and mature themes . ( respect the r  not for under 14 ', s ) rating ----- stars . go see it .
pos i relish those rare opportunities when a talented screenwriter can make me feel like a fool . i spent the first hour of forces of nature slowly stewing over its grim attitude towards marriage  grousing to myself about its transparently planes  trains and automobiles plot machinations  and waiting for the inevitable hollywood denouement . this was a mass market romantic comedy  after all  a genre which has been taken over by teenagers and  even in its best days  worked hard to perpetuate the romance = infatuation paradigm . then marc lawrence did something wonderful  something which made the entire film click into place : he showed me a comic love story about grown - ups . it certainly didn ', t look that way from the outset  which introduces groom - to - be ben holmes ( ben affleck ) at his bachelor party  surrounded by friends and family whooping over his " last night of freedom . " ben loves his fiancee bridget ( maura tierney )  but the doom - and - gloom pronouncements of everyone around him have him questioning the meaning of this ', till death do you part business . then  on an ill - fated flight from new york to his wedding in savannah  ben meets sarah lewis ( sandra bullock )  a free - spirited woman with a string of failed careers and relationships behind her . as transportation troubles thwart them at every turn  ben and sarah begin a three - day southward journey in which their connection grows ever stronger  ben seeing in sarah the chances he ', s never taken and sarah seeing in ben the stability she ', s never had . forces of nature gets off to a solid enough start  setting up the characters and the situations with plenty of witty dialogue . ben is an ideal role for affleck ', s easy - going charm  and he plays the straight - laced straight man without forced exasperation . sandra bullock  for her part  is more loose and appealing than she has been in her last half - dozen films combined  avoiding her recent habit of playing any semblance of character depth as moping . the two performances -- part of a great top - to - bottom cast -- are effective and connected from the start  yet the script ', s apparent sympathy with the marital horror stories ben hears makes it difficult to enjoy the romance completely . lively and funny though it may be on a consistent basis  forces of nature leaves a bitter taste that feels like self - justification . the kicker is that those acidic anecdotes serve exactly the opposite purpose  leading to a surprisingly emotional resolution . forces of nature isn ', t about a man developing a fear of commitment ; it ', s about a man learning what commitment means _to him_  learning that it ', s not what he thought it was . lawrence ', s script feints and dodges before reaching its happy ending  an ending which is happy because people make the choices that make the most sense . earlier scenes that might have felt like throwaways take on more resonance  and that bitter taste sweetens into something fresh and genuine . though one too many plot contrivances keep ben and sarah together through the film  and they do exchange the obligatory mutual character analysis of bickering screen couples  forces of nature wraps up so perfectly that you ', ll end up remembering the humor and the simple wisdom . that is  provided you ', re not put off by the ridiculously busy direction of bronwen hughes . for a brisk romantic comedy  forces of nature comes loaded with some of the most over - directed scenes of the year : teetering hand - held shots  why - not low or high angles  sweeping pans . occasionally the hyper - real approach works  with cinematographer elliot davis creating a world of fantasy romance ; far more often  hughes refuses to let a scene be what it is  covering it with flourishes so thick you almost can ', t find what ', s underneath . a script this smart and mature deserved a more restrained director  but even hughes ', excesses can ', t spoil this unique concoction . forces of nature may restore your faith in romantic comedy as something with the power to enchant  something that can make you happy to be proved wrong when you expect a tale for and about adolescents .
pos warning : this review contains some spoilers for the 1964 film " fail - safe . " if you haven ', t seen the film yet  proceed with caution . nutshell : a relevant  intelligent  suspenseful drama . still powerful today  even after the end of the cold war . -------------------- " fail - safe " ( usa  1964 ) drama  111 minutes screenplay by walter bernstein based on the novel by eugene burdick and harvey wheeler produced by max e . youngstein directed by sidney lumet review by jamahl epsicokhan -------------------- the most ironic aspect of nuclear war is that it doesn ', t have a winning side and a losing side . in a nuclear confrontation  everybody loses  and the aftereffects have devastating effects that impact the entire world -- assuming the world survives . the idea -- and perhaps the only real option -- is to avoid war at all costs . this is the theme of sidney lumet ', s " fail - safe  " a fictional drama based on the novel by eugene burdick and harvey wheeler . " fail - safe " takes place during the heart of the cold war ( the actual film was released two years after the cuban missile crisis )  when the united states and the soviet union were in static discord over an issue that can be summarized in a single word : communism . the premise centers around a combination of accidents and operation flaws . five u . s . bombers carrying nuclear warheads are ordered to set a routine course for moscow after an unidentified aircraft is spotted heading toward america . the unidentified aircraft turns out to be a commercial airliner  but a mechanical failure strikes the military base that commands the bombers . suddenly out of contact  and with standing orders to remain on course until receiving new directives  the bomber pilots cannot be recalled  and they proceed to moscow with the intention of destroying it with a nuclear strike . a great deal of " fail - safe " ', s plot follows various characters as they attempt to devise ways of stopping the u . s . bombers from reaching russia ', s borders -- at any cost . the plot is compelling  and the story creates urgency and dread by painting the grimmest of worst case scenarios . the reality sets in quickly as one attempt to turn the bombers after another fails . general bogan ( frank overton )  taking orders directly from the president of the united states himself ( henry fonda )  is powerless -- the fate of the world lies in the hands of an automated  pre - programmed system that may not be stoppable  simply because the creators of the war machines were too efficient in their task to make a no - win situation winnable . the events in " fail - safe " are fascinating because they ', re anything but predictable  but the real reason " fail - safe " works is because it understands more about nuclear war than what exists within the confines of its plot . a key ingredient to the film is its ability to create an ongoing polemic about nuclear war  communism  the cold war  and the united states ', role in all of it . most of this is through the film ', s use of the character groeteschele ( walter matthau )  an arrogant civilian theorist of nuclear weapons use who  incidentally  is on the president ', s advising staff for analyzing the statistical plausibility of waging a nuclear war . many of the film ', s most pointed messages arise from discussions where groeteschele is one of the key voices . early in the film  he hosts a dinner party where he explains the importance of " strategy " in a nuclear assault to " minimize " casualties . " what ', s the difference between 60 million and 100 million dead ? " a guest asks impatiently . " forty million  " groeteschele responds wryly . the problem with groeteschele ', s mindset is that he * believes * nuclear combat to be a viable method of war . the only difference to him between nuclear armageddon and conventional warfare is the raw data and the casualty totals . groeteschele realizes that these weapons can destroy the world several times over . yet his answer to the arms race is not to slow down and try to cool the situation off  as general black ( dan o ', herlihy ) has often recommended . on the contrary -- according to groeteschele  that would lead to russia having * more * nuclear weapons than the u . s .  which would clearly put america at a disadvantage . such a stance was perhaps the central paradox and misguided practice of the arms race . " fail - safe " clearly sees it as one of the central issues of the cold war  and  likewise  it becomes a central theme in the film . why continue to build such machines of mass destruction while already possessing enough of them to destroy the world several times over ? is it wise ? is it even logical ? no  not really . although " fail - safe " is more about the issue of nuclear weapons than it is about the political ramifications of communism  there is a scene in the film that deals with communism in an intentionally superficial  one - sided sort of way . again  this is achieved through groeteschele  who is easily the film ', s most important character in terms of the larger - theme significance . in addition to providing the central " pro - nuclear war " voice that the film warns against  he also makes key remarks about communists that show just how much fear and resentment people of the period were prone to when it came to communism . the context the film uses suggests that this hatred was often glib . one of groeteschele ', s " logical " trains of thought ventures so far into fantasy theoretical prediction that it ', s merely absurd . he labels the average marxist an " unfeeling  calculating machine " that will do whatever it takes to preserve itself . groeteschele takes it so far as to say that if the u . s . drops the warhead on moscow  the soviets will * instantly * surrender  for to retaliate would invite counter - measures that would further destroy russia ', s home soil -- which must be preserved at all costs . groeteschele seems to forget these people are human beings with emotions ; general black quickly reminds him that the soviets would attack out of revenge -- as any normal person would . the irony here is groeteschele ', s own mechanical theorizing . he is so quick to judge the enemy that he doesn ', t even realize his own seemingly programmed thought patterns . once the film makes it evident that turning the u . s . bombers will be impossible  the question becomes what the * consequences * of destroying moscow will be . just how will the soviet union ', s leader react  and what can the president do to convey his best intentions ? ( just * how * does one pass off the deaths of millions of people as an * mishap * ? ) with the help of his translator buck ( larry hagman )  the president negotiates at length with the soviet leader  in scenes that prove amazingly taut and powerful in their simplicity  with lumet ', s long takes of fonda and hagman in the same frame  exchanging the dialog between the president and the soviet leader . without getting into too much detail  i will say that the compromise they ultimately reach is very costly  yet necessary and as sensible as possible under the circumstances . ( that is  as sensible as a nuclear " incident " can probably be . ) it does accomplish what it must : it avoids an all - out war  something that simply isn ', t possible because of its all - too - real consequences . dramatically  the ending is quite powerful  and the use of o ', herlihy ', s character as the symbolic " matador " ( providing a bookend to the film by ending the story while tying into his dream sequence from the film ', s opening )  is particularly appropriate . " fail - safe " is a production of a major hollywood studio ( released by columbia pictures )  and it has the structure of a high - tension suspense thriller that one might expect from a hollywood film . nevertheless  under lumet ', s direction and walter bernstein ', s intelligent adaptation of burdick ', s and wheeler ', s novel  the film continues to have a lasting effect even after the events on screen have unfolded . the film often warns that the automation of war is something that may make nuclear holocaust an unintentional consequence of such mass arming . but it was the conscious  human choice to * initialize * this automatic arming that " fail - safe " also finds dangerous . in retrospect  the arms race seems to be one of the most puzzling exercises in futility of the century . it ', s just fortunate that both sides were finally able to come to their senses and slow down  rather than continuing groeteschele ', s dangerous approach of speeding up and causing a possible meltdown .
pos andrew lloyd webber ', s musicals  preferably his early work with lyricist tim rice  present a musical which is totally unlike any musical before its time . webber and rice do not subscribe to the gaity of such musicals as " oklahoma !  " or the slapstickness of shows like " a funny thing happened on the way to the forum . " they instead tackle hot issues from our past  and view them differently  and pack them together with redundant  catchy music  as well as thoughtful lyrics . like " jesus christ superstar  " which examined the rise and fall of jesus in his last days from a fame perspective ( in the cool tune " superstar  " a dead judas comes back from the dead to ask jesus why he didn ', t spread his message wider )  " evita " takes an inventive stance on its topic  this time being the famed wife of argentinian dictator  juan per ? n  eva  who slept her way to the top and became famous chiefly because she got attention  much like the woman playing her : madonna ( although i think madonna did rise to the top for her musical talent  among other things ) . " evita " deals with the rise and fall of eva per ? n  a woman who captured the heart of the nation after marrying juan ( jonathan pryce )  then died at the young age of 33  creating an international stir of mourning not unlike that of princess di ( the two do share a bit in common  although it wasn ', t like di slept to " the top " ) . webber and rice sure chose bizarre topics for their musicals  but they always have a point for doing it . here  they wish to expose her for what she is  but still show that despite all of her many drawbacks  her lying  and covering up for her fascist husband  but show that she was still a good woman with fairly good intentions  and her death was very sad . it ', s also a musical  with almost no words not unsung . the film plays like a rock opera  much like their " jesus christ superstar  " with many giant musical sequences just like the old musicals  even if they do possess very intelligent lyrics  which create not only an intellectually enlightening experience  but also a very entertaining one . after all  this is a musical  and webber ', s musicals never undermine this . they are a balance of energy and intellectual depth  walking on a fine line between the both  and never stumbling on either side . this is why the beginning of " evita " is kind of a let - down . okay  it is a let - down . i ', m not saying the opening moments are bad  because they ', re pretty good . but what comes after is a lifeless  un - entertaining  and totally unrewarding sequence where she cons a singer ( jimmy nail ) into taking eva to buenos aires after a one - night stand . in the musical  it ', s a fun  energetic sequence  culiminating in the show stopper  " buenos aires  " which is also lifeless . then a punch is pulled as we see eva being screwed over by the singer  instead of her leaving him  where she ends up singing the sad tune  " another suitcase in another hall  " which was meant for a later character  screwed over by eva . the portrayal of eva in the beginning is too soft  seeming like parker and oliver stone  who adapted it for the screen  are afraid to present her for what she is  even while it ', s being narrated by a hater of eva ', s  the omnipotent ( antonio banderas )  who presents her in a negative light . for a while  it looks like alan parker can ', t pull it off . however  the film pulls itself together in a flash  and after that song is over  and the giddily nihilistic song " goodbye and thank you  " where we see eva go through a long line of lovers who help her ascend  is magnificent  darkly comical  and just gleeful . from this point on  the film is hypnotic  satisfying  and satirical . no more punches are thrown  and the basic outline of the original musical are in tact . we see eva woo and marry juan  get him out of jail  rise to stardom  falter a bit  come back  and then gradually die of cancer ( i think it was because of cancer ) . more importantly  many of the themes from the musical carry on with this  as well as some filling - in - the - gaps reconnassaince work . juan  who is pretty underwritten in the musical  is given some extra scenes  and exposed as what he was for eva : an accessory . a muted scene where he tries to visit her respective room but is shunned allows us to learn more about juan  and understand his sadness more than we did before . > from the " goodbye and thank you " number on  the film shows eva trying to cover up for the horrible government by doing cheap and petty things which wooed a nation  and saved a government  even while it left the nation ', s people downtrodden . but despite this  the nation still loved eva  and when she slipped into death  the world mourned her because she was a star . that ', s when our narrator  ch ?  comes out to show that she wasn ', t the great woman she really was  and expose her fame . describing this character is difficult  mainly because he has no real realistic background ( he ', s said to be based on the revolutionary ch ? guevera  but the two probably could have never met  like they do in the film )  but he serves as a perspective on eva  but even his perspective can ', t help us from feeling bad when eva dies a pathetic death . alan parker  no stranger to bizarre musicals ( he ', s done " fame  " " the committments  " " bugsy malone  " and " pink floyd the wall " - the latter which is absolutely brilliant )  nails the film  exposing everything for what it is . we cry for evita at the end because we feel we should  by the way it is presented . his direction is manipulative for a reason : to show the mourning for what it is . and there is energy throughout  with lots of bright colors  and scenes which are cinematically entertaning  as well as enriching and deep  such as the balcony scene where she sings " don ', t cry for me  argentina  " and her death sequence  which is poignant becuase of how sad it is . madonna ', s golden globe winning performance is much like the movie : starts kinda downhill then goes up quickly  remaning there for the rest of the film . at the beginning  she looks like she ', s too busy concentrating on her singing to act  but she eventually gets it right  though never really getting the presence of  say  patti lupone ( who did the role in its american premiere back in the late 70s ) . her death  though  is brilliant . her singing could be better though . i know she took lessons to improve her range and all  but it still sounds like she ', s trying to hard . she sounds way too soft in several places where she should be comanding ( like . . . patti lupone - i heard her sing on an old " evita " cd  and you could just feel her stage presence without even seeing her ) . but it ', s generally very good  although not up to the brilliance the role really requires . antonio banderas  who is almost like a guilty pleasure these days ( i ', m one of the few people who thinks he rocks )  is extremely comanding in his performance  presenting a lovable narrator . his singing is very good  though nothing compared to the original  mandy patinkin . he does have a pretty good singing voice  and a great range . and jonathan pryce is pretty awesome  although very brief at times  in his role as juan  seeming to put on a poker face for his melancholy facade . although it gets off to a rocky start ( " rocky " ', s polite for what it really is )  it soon picks up and becomes a wonderully poignant musical . like the other musical released in ', 96 ( woody allen ', s " everyone says i love you " )  it ', s a reminder that the hollywood musical may be dead  but it can come back every now and then for a brief performance .
pos there ', s more to a quilt than fabric and thread -- each patchwork design has its own unique story ( or stories ) to tell . in how to make an american quilt  the first hollywood release from australian director jocelyn moorhouse ( proof )  we come to understand how the tales of the seven makers imbue their creation with passion and vitality . all the sorrows  joys  longings  sufferings  and loves of these women are sewn into their quilt and  as their bittersweet memories are given expression  one young woman applies these lessons of the past to her own uncertain future . motion pictures are filled with male bonding rituals ; how to make an american quilt presents a distinctly feminine alternative . the " quilting bee " consists of seven members : sisters gladys ( ann bancroft ) and hy ( ellen burstyn ) ; sophia ( lois smith )  a woman known for frightening children ; emma ( jean simmons )  the timid wife of a perpetually unfaithful man ; constance ( kate nelligan )  who has been having an affair with emma ', s husband ; anna ( maya angelou )  the leader of the group ; and marianna ( alfre woodard )  anna ', s daughter . the project they ', re busy with is the wedding quilt for hy ', s granddaughter  finn ( winona ryder )  who has just become engaged . she ', s spending the summer with hy and gladys  and away from her fiance  to decide whether a lifelong commitment is really what she wants  and whether it ', s better to marry a friend or a lover . one of the greatest pleasures of how to make an american quilt comes from watching an array of fine performances by an impressive ensemble cast . from winona ryder  ann bancroft  ellen burstyn  and maya angelou to minor players like rip torn  claire danes  and kate capshaw  this film is overflowing with realized talent . the performances are good enough  in fact  to cover up many of the script ', s weaknesses . how to make an american quilt is basically an unremarkable  if affecting  tale of love across the generations -- a sort of truncated american version of the joy luck club  with a dash of fried green tomatoes added . there are probably too many characters . so  instead of really getting to know a few of them  we are presented with quick glimpses into a single defining event in each of their lives . we learn about the root of the smoldering resentment between gladys and hy  and are told the reasons why emma stays with her husband and sophia is so irascible . there are other episodes as well : the love of anna ', s life  marianna ', s soul mate  and a look at the reasons why constance entered into an affair with her friend ', s husband . the sum total of these tales is meant to provide the framework for finn ', s story : whether to go forward with her marriage or dally with a hunky stranger . there is no emotional epiphany in how to make an american quilt . the stories are all well - told  but it ', s difficult to really connect with the characters -- their moments pass so quickly . while we certainly feel something for each of the eight principals  our emotional investment is tenuous . there isn ', t enough depth to pull the viewer in all the way  and many of the personalities and relationships feel half - formed  like a quilt with patches missing . to put it bluntly  while i enjoyed watching this film  it didn ', t " do much " for me . on the whole  how to make an american quilt is a nicely - understated drama that has a lot to say about love  passion  and monogamy in relationships . finn ', s segment is by far the most compelling  because she ', s the focal point : her actions are shaped by everyone else ', s experiences . the other patches of this american quilt are successful only to varying degrees . if there ', s a disappointment here  it ', s that the script doesn ', t have more resonance  but the privilege of seeing such a fine cast in top form allows a viewer to enjoy this picture even if the story is somewhat conventional .
pos mimi leder is probably best known for her stunning work as a director of the hit tv - show er . her mast famous episode  " love ', s labour lost "  dealt with the ordeal of doctor mark greene as he tried his best to save the life of a pregnant mother and her child . the way she moved the camera and created tension throughout every scene was amazing . there was more excitement and adrenaline rushed suspense than just about any of hollywood ', s big blockbuster movies . so it ', s only natural that leder would get to direct her very own hollywood blockbuster . and i have to say  after a shaky beginning  she does not disappoint . peacemaker deals with the theft of nuclear weapons by terrorists  which is obviously nothing new . the first half hour goes into detail  way too much detail  about how the weapons are stolen . despite a few good images  including a train collision and a very impressive explosion  none of this was very coherent . it ', s long and drawn out  and i would have settled with a more implausible beginning that would have moved the story along better . once george clooney and nicole kidman enter the picture  it begins to take off . george clooney is an air force colonel with connections all over the world . he has a nice sarcastic wit and the rough edges that you expect from most clooney characters . nicole kidman is head of a white house team on weapons smuggling . there is the usual flirtatious banter between the two  but that is dispensed with quickly . the story takes clooney and kidman across the globe  trying to figure out who has the weapons and where they are going with them . clooney goes through bouts of sarcasm  frustration  determination  and revenge while kidman works against her own insecurity and self - doubt . this is when leder starts to show her true stuff . she starts us off with a nifty little car chase as an appetizer . then we get clooney doing heroics in and out of a helicopter . then that leads us to the brilliant final showdown on new york city ', s crowded streets  and a madman with a nuke walking among them . mimi leder is a natural at creating suspense . she reminds me of wolfgang petersen in her ability to make the most routine action sequences exciting and breathtaking . nicole kidman is an intelligent female action hero . you ', re not gonna find her falling down so clooney can come back to save her . george clooney is a real movie star . many of you may have hated him as batman  but this guy is for real . he has a natural screen presence  and an ingratiating personality . he ', ll be around for a while . dreamworks is off to a satisfying start with peacemaker .
pos i have to say it . tim burton ', s retelling of planet of the apes is more fun than a barrel of monkeys . ok  that ', s off my chest . no more monkey puns  i promise . seriously  though  planet of the apes is one rip - roarin ', summer outing  filled with thrills  action  adventure  wit and bits of funny ( dare i say  monkey ) business . i know  i know  i promised . and for those film buffs who are fond of the original  burton ', s version includes a couple tips of the hat to that movie . mark wahlberg stars as capt . leo davidson  a deep - space pilot whose ship gets drawn into a magnetic field and hurled into the future . he crash lands on a planet where apes are the dominant species and humans are hunted  captured and sold into slavery . despite being darker than the original  burton ', s film is not as heavy handed nor as sanctimonious . some of the movie ', s flashes of humor are surreal as well as typically burton : an organ - grinder ape with a midget or an elderly ape taking off a wig and removing false teeth as he prepares for bed . then there are the parents who buy a little girl as a pet for there young daughter . the seller advises the parents to get rid of the girl before she reaches puberty : " one thing you don ', t want in your house is a human teen - ager  " he says . you don ', t have to be an ape to realize the truth in that statement . touches such as these are what stamps this movie with burton ', s brand . lines that hearken back to the original movie are sprinkled throughout : the first words spoken by an ape to davidson as the astronaut is regaining consciousness and grabs the simian ', s foot to try righting himself are : " take your stinking hand off of me  you damned  dirty human . " anyone familiar with the first version of the film will  of course  recognize the irony in that piece of dialogue . another of burton ', s in - jokes is to have charlton heston  star of the original  play the chimpanzee father of tim roth ', s gen . thade . the young chimp goes to visit his dying father . both have one thing in common  a hatred of humans . with his dying breath  the elder spews out his vile : " damn them  damn them all to hell  " he says before expiring . that is the famous line heston ', s taylor shouted at the conclusion of the original after discovering the planet ', s terrible secret . the performances throughout are top - notch . wahlberg plays davidson not as some gung - ho hero  but as a confused and somewhat frightened explorer who only wants to return home . he is reluctant to lead the human rebellion ; his only objective being to find a way off this upside - down planet . this hesitation is what makes his character believable and vulnerable . roth is ferocious  cunning  cruel and savage as the fascist chimp who wants to rid his planet of all vestiges of humanity . he leaps and bounds as if he had springs on his feet . it is a masterful turn . helena bonham carter is ari  the chimp who believes that apes and humans can live in peace and as equals . hers is a smart  compassionate characterization . michael clarke duncan is big and brutal as attar the gorilla aid to thade who blindly follows his leader until his faith is shaken . a fine comic outing is given by paul giamatti as limbo  the ape slave trader making a living off the misery of the humans he captures . as the battle between apes and humans looms  the cowardly limbo pleads  " can ', t we all just get along  " echoing the words of rodney king . much of the success of planet of the apes goes to burton ', s technical crew  especially production designer rick heinrichs and the legendary rick baker who created the ape makeup . burton ', s musical collaborator  danny elfman  provides another fine score  though it is not as memorable as his work on batman or sleepy hollow . the movie ', s only letdown comes at the very end where burton tries to outshock the finale from the 1968 original . he comes close  but falls short . otherwise  planet of the apes is what a summer movie should be : an amusement park ride filled with lots of action  stunts and a few laughs . this is one feature in which the expectations lived up to the pre - release hype .
pos urban legend surprised me . based on the last few films the genre has produced ( including but not exclusive to the likes of i know what you did last summer  disturbing behavior and the disappointing halloween : h20 )  i was positive that i was in store for another mildly entertaining but silly and ultimately boring rehash of the scream phenomena . thankfully  legend rose above it ', s soggy premise to become not only a hip  scary and stylish entertainment  but also what will probably become one of the best films of the year . you ', re all familiar with the plot ; a bunch of overly horny teenagers get systematically slaughtered by a masked maniac who ', s identity is not revealed until the closing moments of the film when it turns out to be  you guessed it ; everybody ', s favorite veteran of the whodunit flicks . . . the only person you didn ', t suspect ! however  just because legend doesn ', t really break any new ground as far as literary or even technical achievements go does not mean that it can ', t qualify as first - class entertainment . it was  believe it or not  one of the funnest times i ', ve had at the movies all year . the thing is  i ', m not really sure what made this particular stab ( pardon the pun ) at the genre seem so fresh and alive . maybe it was the above - par performances by the movie ', s two leads ( jared leto and " cybil " actress alicia witt ) . or  it could have been the on - target direction by jamie blanks . more likely  though  it was because of the inspired premise . i don ', t think i need to tell you that a killer hacking people up ala urban folklore is much more frightening than a killer fisherman . urban legend begins with a sequence that reminded me of the classic scream opener  not so much in plotting as in attention to detail that makes for an absolutely chilling teaser for the rest of the film . a pretty young coed is driving down a deserted road when ( gasp ! ) a gas problem ( hee - hee ) forces her to stop at an equally deserted gas station for a refill . one problem  though . would you want to stop at a station run by brad dourif ? i thought not . predictably  the attendant ends up coaxing her into the main building to sort out a problem with the credit card company . it ', s odd  though  when you pick up a phone to realize that nobody ', s on the other line . naturally  the potential victim escapes into her car and drives off . and the when we least expect it . . . whack ! ! ! a decapitation . it turns out that the creepy looking attendant was just trying to warn her about the maniac in the back seat of the car . so who is it this time ? the obvious candidate is the slightly off - kilter professor at the college the girl went to ( none other than freddy kruger himself  robert englund )  who teaches a class on urban legends . a - ha . or could it be the fame - hungry local journalist ( leto ) looking for a meaty story to put on his resume ? like all movies of this nature  one of the chief pleasures is trying to guess whodunit . and it turns out to be  of course  the one you didn ', t suspect . i ', m not going to pretend urban legend is anything more than it is  but i must give credit where credit is due . and this flick definitely deserves credit for being what not many other recent horror films have been . . . fun . * complimentary movie ticket courtesy of valley cinemas in lodi  ca
pos capsule : the verma family is having a wedding and all the relatives will come for the multi - day festivities . mira nair ', s film is pleasant enough with a little human drama  a few family secrets  some sadness and some happiness . you have seen it all before  but perhaps not from india . the photography is colorful and the music is very agreeable .  low + 2 ( - 4 to + 4 ) mira nair previously directed salaam bombay and mississippi masala . her newest film  written by sabrina dhawan  is very similar to previous films like betsy ', s wedding but it is set in new delhi . a wealthy family is having a wedding . an indian wedding is a multi - day affair as much a family reunion as a nuptial . even more than in the us  it is an excuse for a lavish and extravagant family get - together . the film shows us what the family does together and at the same time follows several family members ', individual story lines . aditi verma is marrying hemant  an indian engineer working in the us . she had previously had a relationship with vikram  her supervisor . latit  her father ( played by naseeruddin shah )  is juggling many problems  not the least of which is worrying about the caterer has hired pk dubey . dubey is a rather eccentric man with a taste for eating the marigolds he uses for decoration . even dubey will soon be romantically entangled when he becomes interested in alice  one of the family servants . several family members arrive giving rise to several plotlines involving sex  family secrets  or both . there are heartbreaks and there are people falling in love . some of the subjects covered are probably near taboo for indian films . western audiences will appreciate a look at unfamiliar indian customs like women painting their hands with henna . on the other hand it was not clear ( to me at least ) if scenes like the family singing together are typical of indian culture or if they are a convention of indian musical films . this seems a particularly westernized family with the father wearing american designer sweaters and the family speaking mostly english . the latter will  however  help with an international release . sabrina dhawan ', s screenplay is vibrant with witty dialog . we have seen films with plotting very much like this  but the indian setting makes a great deal of difference . director mira nair calls the film an affirmation of life . i rate it a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low + 2 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
pos the love for family is one of the strongest driving forces in any man ', s life  especially for those who have fostered their family under precarious circumstances . thematically in cinema  love for family has been used frequently and emphatically to highlight more abstract aspects of characters ; it is rare  however  for it to develop as outstandingly as it does in roberto benigni ', s neo - classic drama  life is beautiful . through a central cast of father  mother  and son  benigni demonstrates the wonderful  undying love that a family shares in the best of times and the worst of times . life * is * beautiful for guido orefice ( roberto benigni  directing himself here for the sixth time in his career )  an italian jew  master con man  and aspiring waiter extraordinaire . living in 1930 ', s italy  he lives a carefree life of good fortune ; it is made even better when he happens upon a pretty schoolteacher named dora ( nicoletta braschi ) . although dora is already engaged  guido manages to sweep her off her feet and persuades her to marry him instead ; the two have a child named joshua ( giorgio cantarini ) . unfortunately for the happy family  the third reich and its nazi minions occupy italy and imprison all jews in work camps . it is after the movie takes this dramatic turn that the movie ', s theme of family love becomes the strongest . although prior to this turning point benigni plays guido with a sort of goofy charm  he relaxes the role to ensure his son ', s happiness . now  instead of awkwardly seducing the sweet dora  he constantly reassures his son that everything will be all right . benigni ', s performance is truly a well - rounded one  and certainly one of the more fluid turns all year . the supports are all strong as well  but the movie truly excels in its script . life is beautiful is a self - proclaimed fable  one which tells its story in grand  two - part fashion . in certain parts it manages to sink to the level of a " saturday night live " spinoff -- a number of humorous skits connected by a token plot -- but in the movie ', s second half the script ', s circular nature becomes admirably obvious . characters make reprise appearances in fine form  and certain events which are intially curious become critically linked to the plot ', s outcome . in all  fans of foreign film will see this as a memorable motion picture  and novice movie - watchers may take this opportunity to see their first " artsy " film . life is beautiful is an artsy movie by convention but easily accessible to everyone  and above all is a fine thematic picture .
pos while watching wes anderson ', s rushmore  it may be surprising to think that the role of max fischer  the film ', s anti - hero  was not written with jason schwartzman in mind . the young actor  making his film debut as a 15 year old student at the exclusive rushmore academy is so perfect in the role that it comes as a shock that anderson auditioned some two thousand other prospective stars before discovering schwarztman . schwartzman plays max  a student who is more interested in his extra - curricular activities ( such as writing edgy plays like " serpico " and being president of the rushmore beekeepers ) but sees his grades suffer as a result . on the brink of being thrown out  he lands himself in even more hot water when he falls for first grade teacher rosemary cross ( olivia williams ) and enlists the help of millionaire acquaintance herman blume ( the great bill murray ) to build an aquarium ( on rushmore ', s baseball field ) in her honour . unfortunately for everyone involved  blume finds that he has feelings for miss cross as well  which gets in the way of max ', s plans to woo her . max is one of the best - written characters we ', ve yet seen in the 90s  and schwartzman plays him to perfection in one of the finest comedy performances ever given by someone of his age . as everyone else has probably already pointed out  he is reminiscent of a young dustin hoffman ( although i was reminded more of paul from " the wonder years "  from a visual standpoint  at least ) . hopefully  if he avoids typecasting as weird  quirky loner - types he should earn himself a good career . bill murray is his equal as blume  displaying a depth we haven ', t yet seen from him . while this isn ', t his best performance ( that honour goes to groundhog day ) he is still terrific here . williams isn ', t given much to do except react to schwartzman and murray  but still does fine work . rushmore seems to go just a little too long but  while it isn ', t a perfect film  it is a definate must - see for anyone who wants to see that rarity  an american coming - of - age film that actually works well without an excessive amount of sentimentality . anderson has created a modern classic with a star who should  with any luck  rise to even greater success .
pos no  i did not read the novel by thomas hardy  " jude the obscure  " his final novel ( final because this film created such an outrage that he never wrote again - see : i did do some research on it ) about a man who is plagued with bad luck throughout his entire life . but  after watching the movie  i can imagine how incredibly depressing it is . " jude " is a satirical film from start to finish about society ', s way of spitting out and chewing up those unwanted in its system  but what ', s remarkable is how timeless this film is . the film takes place in the late 19th century ( or early 20th - wasn ', t really sure )  but its story could even be retold today in modern form  although it ', d be kinda different ( a given ) . it tells the story of jude ( christopher eccleston - the psychotic accountant from " shallow grave " ) - a simple  dim - witted young man with big dreams . in its bleak  foreboding opening  shot in grainy black and white  he gets a lesson from phillotson ( liam cunningham )  his teacher : as they stand upon a mountain  looking upon a city in the distance  he says all you have to do is work hard and you can have anything in the world . after marrying and divorcing an immature woman named arabella ( rachel griffiths ) because they frolicked in the hay ( literally ) but did not ultimately share anything in common  he moves away to a town with a giant university  with a chance to learn more  and get ahead in life . taking a welding job  he works hard while studying constantly for his college bars  reciting latin over and over again  and training himself . but when he sends his application for the school in  he is bluntly told to just remain a worker . another reason for going to this town was because someone in his family lives there : sue ( kate winslet )  his cousin and a very intelligent but kinda mischevious young woman who wants to be a school teacher . she and jude click eventually and become very endearing friends  so much that when she spends the night at his flat after running from her apprentice teacher job ( for none other than phillotson at the local school )  there are rumors that she and jude did some nasty business ( nudge nudge ) . several twists turn in the storyline  and eventually jude and sue do do some nasty business ( an interesting scene  to say the least . . . )  and are soon born into a controversial non - wedlock  as she eventually gives birth to their baby  and jude inherits his son from arabella  who turns up again after awhile . because they aren ', t married  and because they ', re cousins  they run into problems with every place they go to  carrying around two children everywhere  and only staying in lodges for a very brief period of time  then moving on . if you didn ', t think this was harsh enough  wait till you see what happens later on . . . the sad truth is that jude is one of the miserable people who can never get any luck in this world . he will never gain any true happiness  and any happiness that happens to him will be fleeting  and will probably bring more horrible instances to his life . part of it is his fault - he ', s too optimistic  and too gullible . but society has a way of taking these people  and hurting them until their death . the ending of " jude " is bleak because it has to be ( although i hear the ending of the novel is even worse - guess i ', ll have to read it now ) . " jude " offers a satirical view on society ', s cruelties  but shows no way of curing this  and thank heavens it doesn ', t . there ', s no way to relinquish the selfishness of society  and any solution would be too small to cure such a mass problem . satire has always been one of the few ways of changing certain people ', s minds  and that ', s what " jude " is . sure  it ', s one hell of a downer  but it needs to be . the film also posesses two fantastic performances from its two leads  and some good supporting work along with it . christopher eccleston ( slightly resembling richard edson with his new look and dumb expression ) plays jude wonderfully  sometimes bringing a big dumb smile to his face  and making him kind of child - like at other times . kate winslet  in a pre - " titanic " performance  is brilliant  nailing every psyche of her character  and creating someone who ', s troubled but very seductive with her personality . kate may be the best actress in her age group ( if you don ', t believe me  see " titanic  " branagh ', s " hamlet  " " sense and sensibility  " and " heavenly creatures  " the latter one being my favorite performance of hers ) . in the supporting roles  liam cunningham is a wonderfully flawed teacher  exposing all his bad parts  but ultimately being a pretty good person ; and rachel griffiths is wonderfully immature as jude ', s wife  whom he never divorces . " jude " moves at a very slow pace  and keeps taunting its viewers with chances of happiness for its protagonists  which would drive some people nuts . but those who appreciate good social commentary with their films  no matter how slow or downright depressing they are ( this one is both ) will appreciate " jude  " though i doubt anyone truly enjoys it .
pos quaid stars as a man who has taken up the proffesion of dragonslayer after he feels he is betrayed by a dragon early in the movie . he runs into the last dragon in existence  and there is a genuinely amusing battle between the two which results in a standoff where quaid is in the dragons mouth  but has his sword pointed at the dragons brain . eventually  they decide to call a truce  and they work out a deal . since he is the last dragon  he will pretend to die and quaid will be able to get paid for it . their scam works at first  until they come to a town without any money . instead the town sacrifices a girl to the dragon  but of course  draco is a nice droagon  so he won ', t eat her . there is however a very amusing scene where draco is hitting on the young girl . of course  as you can probably tell by the plot  this is a silly movie  but it does know when to take itself seriously at the right times  unlike eddie  which was serious all the time . you could probably call this a medieval comedy  because there are more laughs here than in eddie and spy hard combined . dennis quaid makes a fine hero . pete posthlewaite provides some ghreat comedy as a monk who journeys with them . dina meyer is appealing as the sacrificed girl . but lets face it  the movie is really about the dragon  and what an amazing creation he is . connery ', s voice and ilm team up to provide us with a truly magnificent dragon . so  if you are going to see this movie for a strong hard core medieval epic  you are going to the wrong movie . if you are going because of the dragon  you will not be dissapointed  and you will be provided with plenty of laughs that smooth out the boring parts in the script .
pos it has been 20 years since a terrence malick film hit theaters . his new film  the thin red line  is a strange  beautiful  enigmatic mess of a movie . the first thing that jumps out to one when they see the advertisements for this film is the huge cast . it is filled with above - the - title stars . the cast  for the most part  gives great performances . john travolta  whose role is nothing more than a cameo  seems not to have attacked his performance with that much verve . george clooney  whose role became a cameo in editing  gives a strange performance . one wonders if he knew that his performance would become the object of ridicule through a character ', s narration . the rest of the cast  especially nick nolte and elias koteas  are unambiguously fantastic . these actors ( and they are  with two exceptions  men ) were lured by the name of malick . terrence malick is a cinematic legend . he has often been called " the j . d . salinger of cinema . " his two previous films  badlands and days of heaven  are spectacularly beautiful and obscure motion pictures . after he made them  he disappeared for 20 years . this film marks his return . what he ', s made with the thin red line is a film that seems less concerned with plot than with the emotion of the moment . the narration which fills the film ( and perplexes many ) not only lets us hear the narrators ( the characters themselves ) pontificate  but also lets us hear such of - the - moment thoughts as " i ', m scared . " the rather simple plot of the thin red line is used as a canvas on which many stories are painted . the plot couldly simply be boiled down to an assault on a hill . a plot synopsis for the thin red line is difficult  because the story is fractured . many stories are here  from the clash between the lieutenant ( elias koteas ) and the savage colonel ( a voracious nick nolte ) to the private ( ben chaplin ) who uses his love for the woman he left behind to keep him going . the fracturing of the story is ultimately a fault . it is as if an artist spent an incredible amount of time artfully sculpting tiny statues and then threw them into a box  shook the box  and poured the results onto a table . this basically creates a mess  but the stories can be discerned and enjoyed . i ', m not declaring that the film has no structure . while saving private ryan used warfare to bookend the plot  malick uses reflection and glorious shots of nature to bookend about 90 minutes of combat . the battles in the thin red line are astonishing and display a mastery of filmmaking . the astounding cinematography in this film must also be given notice . this film uses color and light in such a fantastic way  that it will be sad to see it degraded when it has to bee transferred to video . ultimately  malick has crafted a film that is a movie that enjoys looking through the treetops more than regarding the war that rages below them . the film is filled with nature photography and the regarding of nature . while some have said that the anti - war message and pro - nature tubthumping was juvenile  it was done with so much complexity and thought  that it cannot ever honestly be called childish . after seeing the thin red line  i was haunted by it and am quite ready to see it again .
pos " stuart little " is one of the best family films to come out this year . it ', s a cute  funny and very good - natured film that has nothing for parents to squirm over except a few mild cusswords . though i read the book a long time ago and i really do not remember what it was about  i do know that this film does not disappoint . finally a movie gets released that is as good as the trailer makes it to be  with a few surprising twists  some very funny moments  and a few sentimental moments all mixed in to one great little movie . stuart little is a mouse . he has finally gotten a new home after being put up for adoption  he now lives with the littles . a nice little ( no pun intended ) family that lives in their apartment next to central park in new york city . they have a little boy george ( played by the adorable jonathan lipnicki ) and now they have a new son . at first stuart takes a while but he finally adjusts to being part of the family and even getting along with the pet cat . george doesn ', t take too well to having a mouse for a brother at first  but once the two play together they instantly bond . stuart however is missing something  and he wants to know who his real parents are . the littles try and find his parents and one day they show up on the doorstep wanting stuart back . hesitating the littles know what ', s best for stuart and so does snowball the pet cat  he and his friends try to get stuart but in the end we find out the truth about stuart ', s past ending up to a sentimental and very heart - warming ending . one thing i noticed about the film instantly was the fantastic special effects . just like in " star wars : episode 1 -- the phantom menace " stuart little and his family are all computer generated and they look fantastically real . from the detail of their fur  to the detail of the way the walk ; the special effects team put a lot of time and effort on this $ 90 million dollar film and it shows . another movie that this has in common with is " babe " with it ', s talking animals and people understanding them . it has a family friendly atmosphere and is never really scary or suspenseful enough to even scare the youngest of kids . michael j . fox does the voice of stuart himself and just like in the " homeward bound " movies does a fantastic job and brings more out of stuart than anyone else could . he to me fits the character perfectly and ends up making stuart even more lovable . another gem of the film is nathan lane as snowball . when he was timon in 1994 ', s " the lion king " i would have sworn he was a comedian  and now in " stuart little " he brings the most out of snowball and makes him one of those characters we love to dislike . for the human actors geena davis who never gives a bad performance does not disappoint here as well . she fits nicely in her character and there is a good chemistry between her and hugh laurie who plays mr . little . both make us believe they are happily in love and married and jonathan lipnicki as their song is even more adorable than he was in 1996 ', s " jerry maguire " . even though stuart little is completely cgi  the human characters and stuart have a nice chemistry together and even makes us believe they really do care for each other . " stuart little " is ideal family entertainment for this holiday season and will not disappoint youngsters or adults for that matter . we get entertainment  laughs  cries and more fun at the movies this season than probably any other movie . its nice to see a pg rated movie out at christmas that everyone can see . even though it has a $ 90 million dollar budget i ', m sure it will make over that or just below it respectively . for all you parents out there trying to find a good family movie  i have yet to see bicentennial man as i write this but as far as i know " stuart little " and " toy story 2 " are by far the best family films this year . a winner . ?
pos as with his other stateside releases  jackie chan ', s latest chopsocky vehicle  mr . nice guy  is contrived  blockheaded  and lacking in narrative logic . but also like those other films  it is a highly enjoyable ride . once again  chan ', s screenwriters ( here edward tang and fibe ma ) have taken the easy way out and named their star ', s character simply jackie  with no last name . this jackie is a world - class chef who co - hosts a popular cooking show on australian television . of course  jackie also happens to be a talented martial artist  and these skills come in handy when he becomes involved in an ambitious reporter ', s ( gabrielle fitzpatrick ) expose of a drug dealing ring . other plot details  involving a videotape and a biker gang  are irrelevant ; in fact  as is the case with most chan films  the plot itself is just about irrelevant . the sole purpose of mr . nice guy ', s existence are chan ', s comic fight scenes  and those here do not disappoint . director samo hung ( who has a cameo role )  a longtime collaborator of chan ', s  does not waste any time putting chan in action  diving head - on into a wild chase / fight / shootout after a brief cooking show prologue . other impressive set pieces follow  most notably a chase in a mall  which directly leads to some frenzied  if cliched ( can you say fruit cart ? )  business involving a runaway carriage ; and an extended late - film sequence at a construction site  in which a hilarious pursuit through a maze of blue doors culminates in some exciting fights involving boards  cement mixers  and a deadly buzzsaw . none of the action sequences in mr . nice guy are as spectacular as supercop ', s thrilling helicopter - train finale or rumble in the bronx ', s daring leap between two buildings ; nor is anything as inventive as the ladder fight or air tunnel climax in first strike and operation condor  respectively . but the action delivers  even if the energy peters out before the film ', s end ( the finale  as spectacular as it is  is a letdown for fans of chan ', s athletic prowess ) . filmed almost entirely in english ( even so  the voices of some english - speaking actors are laughably dubbed )  mr . nice guy hints at jackie chan ', s latest transition to hollywood productions ( he made ill - fated attempts with 1980 ', s the big brawl and 1985 ', s the protector ) ; next in the pipeline is rush hour  a stateside production co - starring chris tucker . hopefully that film will be a mere diversion in tinseltown  and chan will continue with exuberant hong kong productions such as mr . nice guy  for his unique charm and reckless abandon are sure to be diluted by american hands  much like they have been before .
pos the premise of wag the dog is so simple that it ', s adequately explained by the commercials . with 11 days to go until the election  the president ( who we never see ) calls in political dirty - tricks artist robert deniro to distract attention from a burgeoning sex scandal . deniro enlists hollywood producer dustin hoffman to produce a " pageant "  a phony war against albania  fought on the blue screens of hollywood and the recording studios of nashville  with woody harrelson as the reluctant  psychotic hero . and if there wasn ', t anything more to the movie than this  it would be a second - rate heist comedy at best  enlivened by great actors -- like sneakers goes to washington . ( a heist comedy ? yup . deniro and hoffman are " stealing " the election  so to speak  and the movie is more about how they do it -- and the fun they have doing it -- than anything else . ) wag the dog succeeds because it ', s based one great truth : the american people are stupid . ok  maybe it ', s not " love thy neighbor as thyself " or even " two plus two makes four "  but a truth nonetheless . ( any average person who thinks that they ', re really smart about the two things this movie satirizes -- moviemaking and the political process -- is invited  nay  challenged  to spend a week either watching a movie actually being made or 48 hours straight watching c - span when the house is in session . ) and because we ', re so utterly  predictably stupid  hollywood knows that a certain percentage of us will go see hard rain or magoo  washington knows that we won ', t notice a few million dollars spent here and there on porno art grants and cigar subsidies -- and deniro ', s character knows that american geography skills are so weak that we won ', t be able to locate albania on the map . the beauty of wag the dog is that it isn ', t a light  meaningless comedy about politics ( like speechless  the michael keaton - geena davis picture ) or from the level of light - hearted politcal satire to near - greatness . nor is it a hard - edged cynical look at the manner in which a morally - deprived  ethically challenged baby - boomer connives his sleazy way into the white house ( like primary colors -- and yes  i am a little disappointed in the way the last two elections turned out  thanks for asking ) . instead  david mamet ', s script strikes that delicate balance between comedy and cynicism needed for satire . it does this by keeping us in a fantasy world where most of the schemers ', schemes come off beautifully  and fail only in entertaining and humorous fashion . deniro is playing a variation on his al capone character from the untouchables  without any of the violent rages . it ', s all : " what do i love ? what is it that brings me joy ? baseball  " minus the savage bloody beating with the bat . he threatens a lot of people  mind you  but he ', s doing it in a very nice  polite way . it ', s a very mellow  restrained performance  which fits in with the air of gamesmanship in the script . hoffman  on the other hand  is giddy  exuberant and joyous . this kind of thing is what his character lives for  and he ', s so excited that he can ', t even shut up . even on the edge of disaster  he ', s bright - eyed ( behind oddly tinted sunglasses ) and positive . insiders note that he ', s basing his character on some powerful - but - anonymous producer -- which may or may not be true  but hoffman still exudes the kind of lets - put - on - a - show electricity that you figure a producer needs to have . the best part and the most frustrating part of wag the dog is in the supporting cast . the characters are so well drawn and so well acted that we want to see more of them  listen to them talk in that wised - up mamet dialogue  get to know them better -- which we don ', t . anne heche  is dead - bang - on in her portrayal of a political press aide -- cool and composed on the outside  panicked and frenzied on the outside . denis leary ( one of my favorite actors -- see the ref ) is the " fad king "  who handles the profitable " back - end " -- t - shirt tie ins and shoe contracts and other creative  innovative ways to separate a fool from his money . they could make a whole movie  just about the fad king  and i ', d go see it . willie nelson and merle haggard handle the musical end of things fabulously  from the upbeat gospel chorus theme song  to the weepy country waltz  to the hilarious " ballad of the green berets " parody . woody harrelson has a brief  but memorable part as the overmedicated " hero " of the albanian conflict . craig t . nelson  as the opposition candidate  and the ever - reliable william h . macy  as a wacky cia agent  are given surprisingly short shrift . ( one of my small gripes is that we never see what the spin doctors on the other side are doing . ) wag the dog is a funny movie about serious problems : the trivialization of american politics  the role of the press in dumbing down the issues  the impact of hollywood in creating campaign commercials  the reduction of all things political to soundbites and sidebars -- the list goes on . we can solve most of these problems by taking a greater role in our national life and educating ourselves as voters and citizens . wag the dog reminds us of what can happen if we don ', t .
pos as the film opens up  expectant unwed mother sally ( played by drew barrymore ) encounters her baby ', s father in a fast food drive - through window . after he gets his milkshake  he drives off  only to be pursued by a military helicopter . from this moment forward  you know that this isn ', t going to be your run - of - the - mill romantic comedy . home fries tells the tale of the relationship between sally and dorian ( played by luke wilson )  a helicopter pilot who has a different kind of connection with sally . . . more than he would care to admit ( hint : it has something to do with the father of sally ', s unborn child ) . after taking a personal ( and professional ) interest in her  he finds work at the local fast food restaurant at which she works  and the fun goes on from there . this movie is a lot of fun . it is comedic on two levels  as a romantic comedy and a dark comedy . the romantic moments are sweet  yet not sappy . one of the more poignant moments is when dorian accompanies sally to lamaze classes . however  the dark comedic moments are more memorable . this is also a tale of revenge  and a funny one at that . the father of sally ', s unborn child also happened to be a married man  whose wife is played by catherine o ', hara . she does a wonderful portrayal of a jealous wife who is targeting the person who had an affair  and is not above getting other people to do her dirty work . ( my apologies if this sounds cryptic  but there is too much of the plot to give away ) . rounding out the cast are jake busey as angus  dorian ', s overzealous brother and daryl mitchell as roy  dorian ', s trainer at the fast food restaurant . the dialogue is sharp and not filled with sappy overtones  even with the romantic nature of the plot . if there are any complaints  it is over drew barrymore ', s performance . while she does light up the screen  there are moments when she doesn ', t seem all that convincing . the movie was filmed in texas  and most of the characters have southern texan accents . drew barrymore ', s accent tends to come and go ( luke wilson doesn ', t seem to have this problem ) . as well  she seems awfully agile for a woman that is eight months pregnant . still  this movie is one that will please many viewers . with plot twists galore and hilarious dark moments  this is sure to entertain .
pos the second jackal - based film to come out in 1997 ( the other starring bruce willis was simply entitled the jackal )  this one stars aidan quinn and donald sutherland  and is directed by a man who hailed from joblo ', s own alma matter  concordia university in montreal  canada . the story is based on the exploits of the real terrorist known as the jackal  but does not pretend to be 100 % factual . plot : naval officer ramirez ( quinn ) gets called upon by the cia to impersonate the international terrorist known as the jackal  in order to put an end to the actual militant ', s radical activities . he is chosen for this role because he physically resembles the real terrorist to a tee . ramirez reluctantly agrees to take part in this " assignment "  and soon finds himself wrapped up in a true web of international terrorism  intrigue and double - personality syndrome ( which does not sit well with his uninformed wife and kids back in the states . ) critique : great premise is executed with enough style and thrills to keep the piece interesting throughout its close to two - hour runtime . admittedly  i wasn ', t a huge fan of any of the main actors in this film  and didn ', t expect much from this movie beforehand  but surprisingly it did have its thrilling moments  as well as a mostly plausible and absorbing story line . the first hour is mostly just a build - up of things to come  and does offer a great characterization of the jackal  but the second hour is the one that really cranks in the cool scenes and a sweet ending . quinn was adequate in both roles as naval officer ramirez and the real jackal  but didn ', t offer anything extraordinary  in my opinion . sutherland and kingsley seem to be playing the same role that they ', ve played in both of their respective careers of late  but nonetheless  appeared to relish the cold - heartedness of their chosen characters . i didn ', t like performance put forth from quinn ', s wife in this flick  but then again  she doesn ', t show up in most of the film  so that wasn ', t so bad . i did however enjoy director duguay ', s interesting style and cinematic vision . this thriller could easily have been boring during many sequences  but duguay always seemed to find something interesting to show the viewer . i thought that was neat . having said that  i didn ', t think the first hour needed to be as long as it was  and the film did have me tinkering on the bridge of believability when the " fake " jackal met with the " real " jackal ', s girlfriend without much retrospection on her part  but all in all  not too many complaints in a movie that could easily be enjoyed by all those who take pleasure in the spy and terrorist thriller genre . little known facts : ben kingsley ', s real name is krishna banji  he stands 5 " 8  was born in scarborough  england  and won the best actor honor in 1982 ', s academy awards presentation for the title role he portrayed in ghandi . many scenes from this film were actually shot in montreal  canada ( joblo ', s haven of restfulness ) . donald sutherland has fathered actor kiefer sutherland  is canadian  and apparently still owns a place in the north of montreal .
pos one of the last entries in the long - running carry on series  carry on behind is very similar to carry on camping in that it involves a group of holidaymakers descending on a ', caravan ', site . professors anna vrooshka ( elke sommer ) and roland crump ( kenneth williams ) and a group of archaeology students stay in the caravan site owned by major leep ( kenneth connor ) so that they can explore the nearby roman settlement remains . anna has a little trouble understanding english and sometimes people get the wrong end of the stick : - for instance  when anna is asking for ', scrubbers for dirty caravan ',  she means that she wants a scrubbing brush to clean the caravan ! arthur upmore ( bernard bresslaw ) and his wife linda ( patsy rowlands ) take her mother daphne barnes ( joan sims ) and her minah bird on holiday with them . mother - in - law jokes prevail . furthermore  the trouble that joe and norma baxter ( ian lavender and adrienne posta ) have with their large irish greyhound allows for some comical moments between the two families . fred ramsden ( windsor davies ) and ernie bragg ( jack douglas ) leave their wives ( liz fraser and patricia franklin ) behind for a fishing holiday . however  they have more in mind than fishing when they catch sight of two young girls  sandra ( carol hawkins ) and carol ( sherrie hewson ) . the story involves the disruption caused by the archaeological professors of the day - to - day running of the camp  the search for the minah bid and greyhound  the major  fred and ernie ', s desperate need of a woman  a misunderstanding leading to a striptease at the caravan park ', s pub  and a shock in store for daphne . the partnership between sommer and williams is very effective and amusing . this is what binds the movie together . joan sims stands out as the demanding mother - in - law  bernard bresslaw and patsy rowlands work well together as husband and wife  and carol hawkins and sherrie hewson are a welcome addition to the cast . on the other hand  there are low - key performances from kenneth connor and peter butterworth as barnes the handyman  and there are very poor performances by windsor davies and jack douglas who spend far too much time on the screen ! even though there is no real plot to speak of and the jokes are getting bluer due to the new scriptwriter dave freeman  there are enough truly comical moments and bright and breezy performances to lift this carry on above many of its predecessors . although the regular cast is depleted  the ones that remain show that they can still make a good carry on film . a relative flop at the cinema  this movie deserves a lot more recognition .
pos the cryptic teaser trailer has been unspooling in moviehouses for quite sometime now : " it mu5t be found . " so what  exactly  is the fifth element ? after seeing luc besson ', s ambitious  much - shrouded - in - secrecy science fiction fantasy  i could not help but be let down by the actual answer  which is not nearly as exciting nor clever as one would think . but what is far from a letdown is the film as a whole  a wildly imaginative feast for the senses that does what all the best science fiction films do -- create a universe unlike any other presented on the silver screen . the biggest irony of the fifth element is that the one thing that has been kept under such tight wraps -- the actual storyline -- is the most conventional  dismayingly so  element ( pun intended ) of the film . speaking in the vaguest possible terms  the basics of the plot are as follows : in the year 2259  a great force of evil threatens to consume the earth  and only the four elements -- earth  wind  fire  and water -- united with a fifth element can stop it . figuring into all of this are new york cabbie korben dallas ( bruce willis ) ; a shady  southern - drawling entrepreneur by the name of zorg ( the hilariously hammy gary oldman  picking up where he left off in besson ', s the professional ) ; a priest ( ian holm ) ; and a mysterious creature named leeloo ( milla jovovich ) . all of the pieces come together in a tidy and somewhat underwhelming -- and unsurprising -- fashion  but there is no denying that this basic story holds some intrinsic interest . what remains interesting and exciting  however  after brief glimpses is the fascinating world besson has created with production designer dan weil  director of photography thierry arbogast  visual effects supervisor mark stetson  and the crew at digital domain . the look is absolutely mesmerizing right from the opening moments to the last . the frenzied cityscape of new york  with its vibrant day - glo colors  tall buildings penetrating high into the clouds  and the swarm of cars  cabs  and other vehicles flying through labyrinthian skyways  is absolutely breathtaking to behold  especially in a wild car chase sequence early on in the film . but it would not have been a completely captivating vision if the people inhabiting the settings weren ', t equally as interesting  and are they ever . in addition to the exotic menagerie of alien creatures that populate this world  from bulky robots to dog - like mangalores  the humans are outfitted in costumes by eccentric designer jean - paul gaulthier  best known for creating madonna ', s pointy bustier get - up in her blonde ambition tour . gaulthier ', s outlandish creations  such as a number worn by leeloo made entirely out of white straps  feel more at home in besson ', s futuristic vision than on any fashion runway in the world ; they add to the sense of otherworldliness about the film . while besson ', s bold vision is the biggest virtue of the film  it also could be its biggest obstacle to reaching a mass audience . for all its imagination  certain things about the film may be a bit too quirky and bizarre . i really do not know what middle america will make of the most outrageous character of the film  ruby rhod ( chris tucker )  a flamboyant disc jockey who makes dennis rodman look conservative -- he makes a raucous entrance dressed in an animal print dress  sporting a blonde hairdo in the shape of a hair dryer  speaking in high pitches at rapid fire speed . at first this character ', s hyper energy is funny  but the act wears out its welcome very quickly . not irritating  but just as strange  is a musical number by blue - skinned alien chanteuse diva ( maiwenn lebesco )  who sings -- and dances -- an aria that is an unlikely blend of classical opera and techno . the tune  as with the entirety of longtime besson collaborator eric serra ', s innovative score  is haunting  but it is also completely jarring . then there are the campy touches of humor besson and co - scripter robert mark kamen sprinkle throughout  which too often are silly and forced ; a comic sexual encounter between ruby rhod and a flight attendant is highly distracting and not very funny  to boot . the story ', s weakness shines through in the climax and conclusion of the fifth element . while still visually and aurally spectacular  the events detailed are not as exciting nor powerful as they should be . the big  serious dramatic climax was met with more than a few snickers  and it ambitiously strives for a profundity which the film had not even begun to work toward . as such  at the end there is a sense that there was something bigger at work here  that there was still more left to be said about this story and these characters . this suspicion was confirmed by besson himself  who told me in the lobby following the screening ( imagine that  the filmmaker watching the film with the " enemy " -- the critics ) that what had made it to the screen was really just the first half of the lengthy original fifth element screenplay and that the second half -- now titled mr . shadow -- is still waiting to be made . still  despite the story problems  the fifth element is an artistic triumph for luc besson ; rarely does a filmmaker ', s original vision come to the screen in all its audacious  undiluted glory . it is a fascinating example of how of one artist ', s fervid imagination can transport an audience into an intoxicating fantasy world generally seen only in dreams .
pos " very bad things  " is the most delightfully morbid film of the year  a movie that goes so far over the deep end with its outrageousness and violence that i couldn ', t help but be won over by the material . the film starts off with five friends leaving their homes in los angeles for a bachelor party in las vegas . the groom - to - be is kyle fisher ( jon favreau )  who is about to be married to the controlling  wedding - obsessed laura ( cameron diaz ) . the other friends are real estate agent robert boyd ( christian slater )  quiet charles ( leland orser )  and brothers  michael ( jeremy piven ) and family man adam ( daniel stern ) . after a wild night of gambling  boozing  and drugs  a stripper ( carla scott ) who was paid for by robert comes into their hotel room  but after a freak accident  to everyone ', s terror  she is killed . as robert puts it : " there are two options : go to the police and go to prison  or bury her out in the desert where no one will ever find her . " after a security guard enters into the hotel room unexpectantly and sees the body  robert is forced to kill him as well . " okay  there is only one option now . you can forget about calling the police  " he says . by the time the five friends return home and as the wedding draws nearer  most of them are overcome with guilt  which sets off an even more elaborate series of event  that includes much  much more murder  double - crosses  and the inevitable wedding from hell . " very bad things  " which is actor peter berg ', s feature film directing debut  is the shockingly perverse and wicked comedy that  " there ', s something about mary  " wanted to be . it pulls out all the stops to create something fresh  original  and hilarious  even if that requires surprisingly graphic violence  gore  and a slew of truly hateful characters that all get what they deserve by the end . the screenplay  also written by berg  is  to put it mildly  very funny and courageous . during the second act of the film  some of the fun was beginning to slightly dwindle due to so much death  which was beginning to undermine the humor  but it eventually recouped itself with a climax that has to be seen to be believed . the dialogue is edgy and inventive  and this film proves that a movie doesn ', t necessarily require likable character to be extremely enjoyable . there ', s more fun  i think  in showing ignorable people getting their just desserts . cameron diaz gives her best performance to date here  and has a lot of fun in playing the hateful laura  who eventually turns out to be more crazy than any of the five male friends . diaz puts so much overblown energy to her character that i really do think she deserves a supporting actress oscar nomination come next january . by the time she is beating someone to death with a coat hanger  and reciting lines like  " stuff him in the crapper and get your ass upstairs  " i couldn ', t help but crack up at how " balls - to - the - wall " this film had become . jeanne tripplehorn creates another character original  as daniel stern ', s wife  who late in the picture  we discover  is a tough kick - boxer that should not be messed around with . it is at this level that  " very bad things  " was so entertaining and surprising . just when you thought you could predict what was going to happen  there would be a little twist involving the characters that would be absolutely wacky . the last sequence was perfect and managed to go even further over - the - top . although i enjoyed the film immensely  let me make this clear : " very bad things  " is not a movie for everyone . it is more tasteless than anything i have ever seen  it is more violent and bloody than a r - rated film usually is  and it is offensive . luckily  these are elements that i would prefer in a comedy  since it clearly shows the filmmakers were set on making a no - holds - barred  politically incorrect comedy . the fact that this film slipped through the cracks of the usually mainstream and " safe " wide - releases coming out lately  still gives me hope for the hollywood film industry .
pos it is hard to imagine that a movie which includes abortion and incest as prominent plot devices could be so sensitive  so delicate  so insightful and yes  even so enjoyable . somehow  the cider house rules manages to keep an even keel in the face of the harsh subject matter and allows a substantial amount of heart to shine through . set in the 1940 ', s  the film tells the story of a unique young man named homer wells ( tobey maguire  ride with the devil ) . an orphan  twice rejected as an infant by possible adoptive parents  he grows up in the care and under the tutelage of dr . wilbur larch ( michael caine  little voice )  father figure to the orphans of st . cloud  obstetrician or abortionist to the unhappily pregnant women who come there seeking his help . figuring that as long as homer was going to stay at the orphanage  he might as well be of use  dr . larch begins teaching him all he knows about obstetrics . soon homer is delivering babies like a professional . he refuses to perform abortions  instead wondering why the couples just didn ', t behave more responsibly . larch  too old and experienced to have such youthful ideals  marvels that homer " continues to have such high expectations of people . " such is the result of an insulated upbringing . though skilled in certain medical procedures  homer remains woefully naive and ignorant about most everything else . he finally figures that in order to find his place in the world  he must go out into it . befriending a young couple who had come to see dr . larch  he hitches a ride with them and parlays that into landing a job as an apple picker with a group of black migrant workers at the orchard where they lived . thus  homer begins his worldly instruction  with new friend candy kendall ( charlize theron  the astronaut ', s wife ) a willing tutor . tobey maguire is well cast yet again as an inherently good man who is seeking answers to life ', s questions . . . many of which he was unaware needed to be asked . he demonstrates a quiet strength and thoughtful curiosity that is both warm and appealing . michael caine is  in a word  brilliant as the caring caretaker of these orphans  many of whom he helped to bring into the world . calling them " princes of maine  kings of new england " in his ritualistic goodnight  mr . caine manages to communicate the love and commitment larch has towards these children without becoming maudlin or saccharine . delroy lindo ( a life less ordinary ) has many powerful moments as mr . rose  the strong and charismatic leader of the apple pickers whom homer joins . director lasse hallstrom ( what ', s eating gilbert grape ? ) and screenwriter / novelist john irving ( the world according to garp )  who adapted his own work for this movie deserve much of the credit for the balanced approach to the sensitive subject matter . regardless of one ', s personal stand on the divisive matter of abortion  it is hard to imagine anyone becoming offended by the evenhanded treatment used by these filmmakers . the title is a reference to a list of rules posted in the quarters of the illiterate apple pickers . figuring the rules didn ', t apply to them since they didn ', t have a hand in writing them  they decide to ignore the list and make up their own rules as they go along . dr . larch  in his own way  acts similarly . there is a danger in that line of reasoning . god has also given us a set of rules . unlike the list posted in the cider house  god ', s rules  if followed  promise us benefits beyond our imagination . and yet  many continue to ignore his " rules " preferring to make up their own as they go through life . " trust in the lord with all thine heart ; and lean not unto thine own understanding . " proverbs 3 : 5 [ kjv ] just as a builder follows a designer ', s blueprint or a conductor follows a composer ', s score  why shouldn ', t we follow the rules of life given to us by life ', s architect for our own blessing ?
pos known as the most successful  highest - grossing romantic comedy in history  director garry marshall apparently struck gold with " pretty woman  " which opened quietly during the summer of 1990 but  thanks to positive word - of - mouth  was able to reach upwards of $ 175 - million in theaters alone . the question of why it worked so well lies directly with the film ', s two charismatic stars  richard gere and julia roberts  since the story itself is none too original or even believable . the other winning element that makes " pretty woman " so entertaining is its genuine sweetness and innocence  which is rarely as palpable in today ', s films as it is here . edward lewis ( richard gere ) is a suave  extremely wealthy business mogul who  at the start of the picture  breaks up with his girlfriend over the phone after a nasty argument  and abruptly takes his friend ', s car and gets lost on hollywood boulevard while trying to find his hotel . stopping the car along the street  he asks a woman  obviously a prostitute  for directions . agreeing to get in his car and show him for ten bucks  edward ultimately accepts  they strike up a conversation  and before long she has been asked up to his penthouse room on the top floor . this meeting does not lead to sex  however  as edward confides that he ', d rather just have someone to talk to  and offers her $ 300 to spend the night . just as well  since the hooker  named vivian  is a beautiful  generally upbeat young woman who is the type of person that can lend an understanding ear . the meeting between these two completely opposite people does not end the next morning as planned  when edward finally offers to pay vivian three - thousand dollars if she will stay with him for six days and nights while he is in the area  keeping him company and acting as his companion to business dinners and get - togethers . since vivian firmly tells edward at the beginning that she will do anything with him except kiss him on the lips  which always leads to unwanted intimacy when dealing with her customers  the obligatory rule of the genre says that by the third act  edward and vivian will finally  truly  kiss . allegedly planned as a grim  downbeat drama until garry marshall came on board as director  " pretty woman " has been transformed in all senses of the word into a classic fairy tale  a la " cinderella . " the premise is hardly believable and its portrait of prostitutes hanging out on the streets of hollywood boulevard is just about the most idealized portrayal that there could have possibly been . you honestly don ', t need a high - iq ( or any iq  for that matter ) to guess how the film will end  and the story is as old as my great great grandma bertha . the supporting characters are almost all sketchily written and less - than - gratifying  and the screenplay is no award winner . and yet  amidst all of these qualms and flaws  " pretty woman " is an astoundingly charming motion picture  and it is definately easy to see why it became such an overnight sensation with moviegoers . you ', d actually be amazed how far bemusement can go  and there are a few select moments ( not even whole scenes  mind you ) that are as romantic as anything i ', ve seen on film in the 1990 ', s . additionally  the film belongs  and its success can be attributed  to two people and two people only  and they are richard gere and julia roberts . playing sex symbols throughout the ', 80s with such pictures as " american gigolo " and " an officer and a gentleman  " gere branches out here to play a more quiet  almost shy  but still alluring  character that believably could sweep julia roberts off her feet  and vice versa . julia roberts  in her breakthrough role after 1988 ', s well - received " mistic pizza " and 1989 ', s " steel magnolia  " for which she was nominated for an academy award  is radiant and funny as the wordly vivian  who surprisingly could be a role model for impressionistic viewers  not for her line of work  but more for her sheer intelligence . it would have probably been easy to have written vivian as merely a flake  but screenwriter j . f . lawton clearly cared too much about his central characters to do such a thing . after " pretty woman  " roberts  along with meg ryan  became the reigning queen of romantic comedies ( with her latest being the just - released " runaway bride  " which repairs gere and roberts together once again )  and no wonder . roberts has continually proven to not only be a strong actress with a flare for comedy  but also one who can efficiently do drama  and in almost every film she appears in  it is difficult not to fall in love with her along with her male co - star . an especially strong scene that gere and roberts do together takes place after edward foolishly tells one of his co - workers that vivian is actually a prostitute  and he then approaches her  making sexual advances . no only does this make vivian feel cheap  especially since she had previously been posing as a more professional  eloquent young lady  but it also maddens her that edward would demean and betray her in such a way  and ultimately causes her to question where exactly her life is leading  and if she likes this particular path . on the more dreamy side  the film is filled with romantic scenes that are simply effervescent to behold  especially one in which edward enters into the hotel ', s lounge to see vivian turn around and not only reveal her marvelous cocktail dress  but also her inner ( and outer ) glowing beauty . another subtle moment has vivian lovingly blowing a kiss to edward  who is asleep  and placing it on his lips  since she still is unsure if she should be getting attached to this man who may very well be out of her life forever in a short couple of days . " pretty woman " does not blatantly step wrong until the very last scene  which is a happy ending ( as you ', d expect  and wouldn ', t have it any other way ) that somehow does not work  perhaps because of its undeniable contrivances . this one misstep does not put a damper on the rest of the film  though  because there is just far too much magic at work here to disaffirm such a petty problem . helped along by a warm  memorable supporting performance from laura san giacomo  as vivian ', s best friend and roommate  and a fabulously catchy soundtrack  in which all of the songs prominently aid in the movie ', s overall fulfillment  " pretty woman " is a sparkler of a motion picture  and has what it takes to act as a blueprint on how to make the quintessential romantic comedy .
pos the dramatic comedy cousins has all the necessary ingredients : a witty and whimsical script  inspired performances  a great sense of humor  a large and wonderful cast  and the beautiful scenery of vancouver . it ', s a movie of weddings  marriage  family  infidelity  and -- oh yes -- love . like 3 men and a baby  cousins is an americanized version of a french film : 1975 ', s cousin  cousine . the plot is complicated  but it goes something like this . larry and tom are cousins  each of whom is not - so - happily - married . tom starts an affair with larry ', s wife  tish  and to get even  larry and tom ', s wife  maria  pretend to have an affair of their own . soon the pretending turns to love and cousins is off and running . cousins is populated by a wide assortment of interesting characters and caricatures . the acting is first rate down to even the smallest supporting role  and virtually every performance deserves mention . ted danson ( in his first starring film role ) finally gets to play a character with some depth and sensitivity . while larry may be confident and charming like sam malone on " cheers  " he is also complex and vulnerable  with more between his ears than empty space . as maria  isabella rossellini is a joy to watch ; she is shy  sensuous  and immensely alluring . sean young is perfectly cast as larry ', s picture perfect wife  tish  a superficial and trendy make - up consultant . keith coogan  from adventures in babysitting  is wonderfully weird and eccentric as larry ', s rebellious son  mitch . and finally  lloyd bridges in a tour de force performance is mitch ', s rambunctious grandfather ; he provides some of cousins ', best lines and laughs . like moonstruck  cousins is a mix of drama and comedy . the film is larger than life and has a keen sense of the absurd . it understands human nature extremely well and milks it for every possible laugh and heart - tug . how often do you see a movie where you believe that two characters truly and sincerely care for and love each other  as friends and as lovers ? well  to its credit  cousins is just such a movie . let ', s hope the french continue to provide us with the inspiration to make films like cousins
pos this remake of " la cage aux folles " features a gay couple pretending to be straight in order to pull the wool over the eyes of their son ', s future in - laws . the couple ( robin williams and nathan lane ) are about as archetypal  or as the less kind might put it ? stereotypical  gays possible . williams owns a nightclub featuring drag queens where his partner performs as the featured star . they live above the club in what could not possibly be mistaken as a heterosexual abode . williams is excellent as should be no surprise . gene hackman as right - wing potential father - in - law is refreshing in one of his few comedic roles . the real star is lane . his attempted transformation from one of the most obviously gay men in the world to the straight - shooting uncle is hilarious . perhaps it is a personal failing on my part  but the crying and screaming drag queen faux high drama just grates on my nerves and the first few minutes of this film are filled with it . luckily ( for me at least )  it doesn ', t last long and the rest of the story focuses on the relationship between the men  their son and the deception . the question of stereotypes is a touchy one . these guys personify the homophobic gay image . you can almost hear the swishing . if you think that they are supposed to be representative of every gay man in the world  you ', ll be outraged . but if you can accept the view is that this is a movie about gay individuals  you ', ll love it . your choice .
pos seen may 19  1999 at 5 p . m . at the crossgates cinema 18 ( guilderland  n . y . )  theater # 1  with my brother john for $ 8 . 50 . [ theater rating : * * * * : excellent seats  sound and picture ] ( critic ', s note : this review is the longest i ', ve ever written and still only scratches the surface . i ', d recommend this be read only by those who have seen the film as a form of critical analysis . ) as my friend and fellow film critic ted prigge said in his review of ` the phantom menace ', - how do i even write this review ? never mind the fact that i ', ve been waiting for a new ` star wars ', movie since i was seven years old . never mind the fact everyone on the internet had already dissected and discussed the movie before it was even released . never mind that there ', s so much going on in this movie in terms of plot  action  special effects and long - term story that to analyze every aspect would take a lot of time and energy and still wouldn ', t cover everything . and also like ted does in all of his reviews  i ', ll try to review this in a way different from my usual reviews and instead write as casually as possible as if i was talking directly to you  the reader . before we can begin analyzing the specific aspects of the film  many of the most general and most significant factors must be considered ( to get the specifics of the film  skip this and the next four paragraphs ) . as has been made obvious for the last several years  another trilogy of films will be produced to account for the [ missing ] initial three installments of the ` star wars ', series ( the first of the films was actually episode four  not one ) . george lucas  the creator of the series  has probably just assumed most people know the first - produced trilogy ( ` star wars  ', ` the empire strikes back ', and ` return of the jedi ', ) is actually the second trilogy  chronologically . in media interviews in the past he has explained why the movies were made out of order  but i can ', t recall his reasons . with this new film he as writer and director has also assumed viewers are at least vaguely familiar with the storylines and significant plot points of the first trilogy ( err . . . second trilogy . . . well you know what i mean ) . and in order for this review to be thorough many of those significant points must be mentioned which  unfortunately  may serve as spoilers so proceed with caution . [ critic ', s note # 1 : it is one my personal policy not to intentionally analyze spoilers because i would like my reviews to be able to make sense to the reader both before and after viewing the film reviewed  but it would be nearly impossible to do the film justice here without breaking the rule . critic ', s note # 2 : reviewing this film also breaks the universal critics ', law of reviewing movies  which as roger ebert coined  ` it ', s not what a movie is about  but how it is about it . ', because so many outside factors come into play in the film ', s plot and significance as part of a trilogy  and just considering modern society  it again would be difficult  if not impossible to simply review the film as a completely autonomous story . ] first of all we have to catalog what we know about the film before even going into it . we know that young anakin skywalker will grow up to become the evil ruler darth vader who is also the father of luke skywalker  who will lead a successful revolution against him and his empire . we know obi - wan ` ben ', kenobi was the trainer of anakin in the ways of ` the force ', in attempts to become a jedi knight  but would fail and thus anakin would fall to the ` dark side . ', we also know something about ` the force ', itself  that it is some kind of universal force which determines fate and can be manipulated by those whose minds are expanded enough to believe in it and feel it ( the jedi ) . what we don ', t know for sure is the history of the ruling of the galaxy  which is most likely much longer and more complex than any government we have had here on earth . to me  this was one of the most fascinating aspects of the first three films because there seemed to be a subtle  definite order to all the complexity . also  it seems that we ', re supposed to be familiar with a few other details about the story which have come out of the thousands of comic books and paperbacks published in the years since the movies ended . most notably  details regarding the emperor from ` empire ', and ` jedi  ', and that he was once a senator and his last name is palpatine . for those who haven ', t kept up with all the ` star wars ', paraphernalia over the years  there is still a way to know these details simply by recognizing an actor ( or his voice at least ) . with ` the phantom menace ', being the first chapter of a long saga  one would assume the basic groundwork would be laid  including the history behind all the major factors of the series  especially ` the force ', and the jedi knights . unfortunately  this film does more of the opposite as it simply builds on top of what must be a history so long and detailed it could never be explained . i didn ', t liked that aspect to this film and is one of the reasons it falls just short of greatness . if you ', re going to tell a story from the beginning - tell it from the beginning ( is it possible that after this trilogy is complete there could be another trilogy of episodes - 1 through - 3 to clarify the back story even further ? ) . but i digress . i ', ve said so much and yet i haven ', t even touched on the specifics of the film itself . all these necessary ` disclaiming ', elements should go to show just how vast the story of the ` star wars ', series is and this individual film itself . what we get here is a movie not unlike any of the other three we ', ve come to know and love since the late 1970s . its similarity to the other films helps to keep the spirit of the series familiar  but at the same time seems to be a flaw in the filmmaking process itself since it sometimes rings of unoriginality . the basic story is rather sorted  complex and even confusing at times . we ', re told that an army known as ` the trade federation ', has set up a blockade around an seemingly insignificant planet called naboo . we ', re not given too many details to clarify the back story of what the federation is and what their purpose is  instead the film opts to get its story moving quickly . we ', re introduced to two jedi  the master qui - gon jinn ( neeson ) and his apprentice obi - wan kenobi ( mcgregor ) . the two are acting as ambassadors of some sort in hopes of ending the obvious hostility between the federation and the planet ', s queen  amidala ( portman ) . the leader of the federation  an alien called viceroy  is following the orders of a strange  mythical character - an older human man whose face and body are covered and shadowed by the black robe and hood he wears . he is referred to as lord sidious but considering his appearance  and especially that creepy evil voice of his  he is a obviously one of the most significant characters in the series . sidious communicates to viceroy only through digital transmissions and never in person . clearly his actual whereabouts are something he wants to keep secret because that would also reveal his identity ( which is never openly revealed in the film  but should be clear to most viewers . i have a feeling we ', ll delve into his background in the next two films ) . but it doesn ', t take the film long to spring into action and within minutes our hero jedi are fighting for their lives and the film ', s story begins to move along . the film doesn ', t have one specific plot and works in the same manner as the other films in the series where as what we get is one mini - plot and adventure on top of another . there are so many of these mini - plots - within - plots in this film i would not describe them all because it is what gives the movie its hook . the other films have relied on this type of storytelling  but because of the limits of the technology at the time  the films ', screenplays were also limiting . the sense of limitlessness here is what gives ` the phantom menace ', its unique traits . as we already know  the film takes place at least a generation or two before the original ` star wars ', trilogy which means a lot of the background which was unclear and / or unexplained may be cleared up here as it is the beginning of the vast epic story . and here the most significant storyline is that involving the discovery of 10 - year - old anakin skywalker ( lloyd )  by qui - gon jinn and his introduction to the jedi council . to briefly summarize the story  jinn stumbles upon skywalker in an attempt to buy parts for queen amidala ', s spaceship which was damaged in efforts to free her from the federation . their meeting on tatooine is mostly chance but of course jinn chalks it up to the will of the force . jinn can feel that skywalker has a great natural power in the force  and through another sub - plot involving a bet on skywalker in a fantastic race he will enter  more and more details of his significance begin to reveal themselves . this also provides for a new elaboration and explanation of the force which has never been mentioned before . in fact  it seems to be something so important it is upsetting it has never been mentioned before . the element seriously undermines the mystical aspect of the force and transforms it into something more physical and scientific which is completely unnecessary . by the film ', s third act all the major significant elements become tied together in a rather familiar execution of the plot . it ', s funny how the reality of the ` star wars ', world seems so embedded in mythology  new age - like philosophy and religion and yet the solution to all the major conflicts in the series has been violence . not that this technique hasn ', t been used in movies and in real - life situations countless times throughout history . and at least it ', s all in the spirit of the ultimate powers of good versus evil in a fun and exciting matter . it does border of the cartoonish sometimes  but that ', s just the film appealing to our inner child  which is the basic reason the entire saga exists and has become such a big part of our modern society . ` the phantom menace ', delivers exactly what you ', d expect from a ` star wars ', film which is why it succeeds as well as it does but is always why it never truly achieves greatness . so many things in the film we ', ve seen before and done with more heart because the filmmakers concentrated just a bit more on story and character because they were limited . but this film is far from bad because it at least embraces the spirit of sheer fun at the movies .
pos the story of us  a rob reiner film  is the second movie this fall that touches the viewer in a way they are rarely touched by a film  as they can see their everyday lives in the usually once in a year films . well  1999 has two of them  the other being the instant classic about a very dysfunctional family  american beauty . the story of us  a film about the highs and lows of marriage and family  is a well written  heartbreaking and insightful film that made the majority of the audience  including myself  cry . the story of us tells the story of ben ( bruce willis ) and katie ( michelle pfeiffer ) jordan  and asks the question  " can a marriage survive 15 years of marriage ? " the film is about two individuals who have come together  spent a good chunk of their lives together  and shows when our main characters are " him " and " her " ( during the bad times )  and when they are " us " ( during the good times ) . the story of us is about their entire 15 years of marriage that is collapsing day by day . ben and katie now only see and live with each other because they don ', t want to devastate their children with the fact that their parents no longer  or at least say they don ', t  love each other anymore . ben  a cartoonist  and katie  a crossword puzzle writer  have grown apart during their fifteen years of marriage  as they have grown to follow different views on life  family  and marriage . katie is the more organized  sophisticated type  who wants to plan everything out  while ben is a spontaneous  adventurous individual who doesn ', t mind doing things differently than they were planned . the story of us plays out nicely  as the film opens with ben sharing his story with a therapist  told to the viewer through flashbacks . as the film progresses  it switches between ben and katie talking to their therapist  with their stories being told with flashbacks of their marriage . this method is highly effective  as we see the characters changing from year to year  slowly growing apart . through the flashbacks  we get to see the story of them through both of the character ', s eyes  and this gives us a strong sense of what their characters are really like  as the story of us has three dimensional  believable main characters . the screenplay  written by jessie nelson ( stepmom ) and alan zweibel ( dragnet )  is a touching  down to earth work that hits a chord within the viewer  much like another one of nelson ', s films  stepmom . the script has an open honesty and outlook on life  one that is so realistic  you feel uncomfortable at many times  because so many situations the characters are in are undeniably familiar  as most families these days most go through the hard times  as ben and katie must . if it wasn ', t for the first 15 minutes that the writers wrote  which are rugged and certainly flawed  the story of us would have been this year ', s best picture . bruce willis  a usual action / adventure star  has certainly turned himself around in the past year - he went from being a man who was being typecast to the same role in action movies  to a distinguished  sophisticated actor  as in last summer ', s the sixth sense ; and now in the story of us  willis shows the world what he can really do if he is fed a good script . although i wouldn ', t pick willis as the choice actor for ben jordan  willis handles himself nicely  and shines in a few of the film ', s most powerful scenes  enough that make his performance a definite contender comes awards season . where to start about michelle pfeiffer ? pfeiffer ', s performance is spellbinding and ultimately strong  as she brings her character to life with such charisma and emotion  you wonder how  how it is possible for someone to portray a real person with such realism . pfeiffer ', s performance is one that if not recognized by the academy next spring  will be in the heart ', s of any viewer that has watched this moving film . the story of us is one of 1999 ', s most real  yet funny films  as the razor sharp script evens out the laughs and the tears to keep the viewer hooked . superb acting  direction  writing  story  and soundtrack that always sets the mood for the film  which is beautifully composed by eric clapton and marc shaiman  make the story of us a touching  unforgettable motion picture that will touch the hearts of viewers across the country - and will certainly become one of the most talked about movies of the fall . the film ', s major high points are the fights between ben and katie  as the two constantly accuse of each other of whose fault it is that their marriage has collapsed  and although they also say things like " it ', s over  " or " i hate you  " you can tell the two still share a deep connection  and that inside  somewhere  they are still an " us . " the bottom line : a wonderful  enchanting  and heartbreaking film . one of the most realistic  heartbreaking films in recent years .
pos warren beatty returns to the screens in the funniest  craziest and hard hitting movie in his career . based on a story concocted by himself  and also written by beatty  bulworth gives a good insight of what beatty thinks of the american government system . beatty stars as senator jay bulworth  who ', s going through a nervous breakdown . after hiring someone to kill him  he completely changes his campaign strategy and tells the honest truth about what ', s _really_ happening in american politics  much to the annoyance of assistant dennis murphy ( platt . ) instead of everyone hating him  the american public love him . however  inside his party  more people want to kill him than just the hired assassin . and he also strikes a relationship with black girl nina ( berry . ) it ', s remarkable that this film was released at all . much more open than the rather subdued primary colours  bulworth barely gives the american politic system a good name . the outrageous remarks bulworth makes to his potential voters are very funny  and also somewhat true . it ', s great that beatty isn ', t afraid to let loose on a subject . talking of beatty  he ', s excellent in the role of the demented senator  clearing having fun . and seeing warren beatty have fun is a rare sight indeed . even in dick tracy  he was the most straighten face actor . ( then again  he was the only characters face we could completely see . ) the film gives an opportunity for the 61 year old beatty to indulge in some rapping  which he does with gusto ( and also quite well . ) and seeing beatty as a ', homeboy ', has to be seen to be believed . it ', s nice to see that beatty can laugh at himself . second best is oliver platt as the flustered  coke snorting assistant  who goes over the top when he finally snaps . halle berry is fine  and sexy  as the intellectual nina  who comes to like the senator . also popping up in the supporting cast is paul sorvino wit h a strange accent  laurie metcalf as the exact same characters she ', s also played  and christine baranski of cybill fame as bullworths wife  who all contribute to the fun . and  this being a political film  the ubiquitous larry king makes an appearance  as  * shock *  himself . the writing and directing  both by beatty  are above par . the direction is very nearly sitcom like  but suits the film perfectly  and both the politics are gangland parts are handled well . the script is funny  and the raps are actually well produced and humorous  and quite clever . they ', re not cringe inducing  at least . the script makes many points about society in america today  and isn ', t afraid to make any bold statements about what is a flawed system . best of all  the film is thought provoking  but directed and written in such a way that the film feels as light as a feather  and is very entertaining . there ', s also a great rap soundtrack with some well chosen tunes . bulworth is a film with many advantages  and few flaws . perhaps it could be somewhat embarrassing to see a 61 year old man rapping  but beatty does it so well it ', s irrelevant . in fact  there ', s very little against bulworth  except for the language which is very heavy  but then again it should be expected . bulworth  then  is well worth watching . a david wilcock review ? 1999 " you know  for kids " - norville barnes
pos the long and illustrious career of robin williams  which has included both forgettable turns like mrs . doubtfire and flubber  was punctuated with the actor ', s first academy award in 1998 for his role in good will hunting . it was his first truly dramatic role since 1989 ', s dead poets society  and critical remarks were unanimously positive . his next role  that of a deceased pediatrician in what dreams may come  was unfortunately lackluster . and so  after a six - year stint as a comedic actor  the proof on whether or not williams can cut it in the dramatic league has come down to patch adams . williams is the title character  hunter " patch " adams  sporting scruffy facial hair that falls between the clean - shavenness of dreams and the grotesque hairiness of will hunting . we ', re introduced to patch as he commits himself to a mental institution because of his suicidal tendancies . it ', s at the institution  however  that he discovers a latent talent for relating to people . he removes himself from the institution and enrolls at the university of virginia ', s medical college  where he finds that medical doctrine is a calculating  impersonal trade . his attempts to inject humanity into the profession result in several bouts with expulsion  and the movie climaxes with patch ', s appearance before the state medical board . the characters are well - defined in an oscar - worthy sense . although the script does not perform well as a narrative -- there ', s little story to be told outside of patch ', s skit - length experiences -- the script does go a long way toward building the relationships of characters . at medical school  patch meets up with truman schiff ( daniel london )  an outsider like himself who relishes patch ', s zest for humanity . the two instantly become the best of friends  and it ', s easy to see why . monica potter plays patch ', s love interest  a young woman who personifies the things that patch hates about medical school . for some reason he ', s attracted to her  and although it never gets said  the audience understands from an intrinsic point of view . the script -- based on hunter adams ', own story -- works well this way . the rest of the cast  bob gunton as the villain professor in particular  is solid . director tom shadyac ( liar liar ) leads us in and out of patch ', s life in a sound  intentional manner ; combined with williams ', presence on screen  the movie rarely becomes boring . patch adams ', lack of purpose is its major shortcoming  and for the first ninety minutes out of two hours  there ', s little feeling of continuity or the passage of time . nevertheless  it ', s an emotionally moving picture  and patch adams looks to be one of the more memorable of the holiday season . it succeeds at everything it tries  and only fails at the stuff it doesn ', t try in the first place . by and large there may be another oscar nomination herein for williams  but more importantly  it ', s entertainment for the entire family .
pos in recent years  harrison ford has been such a grave screen presence  scowling through the likes of tom clancy ', s jack ryan series  _the_fugitive_  and last year ', s smash _air_force_one_  that one wonders if the rogue charm that made him such a superstar had been completely drained from his system . apparently  it was just lying dormant . with ivan reitman ', s enjoyable romantic comedy / adventure _six_days  _seven_nights_  the lovable scoundrel is back  giving audiences a fresh reminder of why ford is one of the most enduring and popular modern screen icons . ford plays quinn harris  a carefree and slightly slobby ( endearingly so ) pilot in the tropics whose broken - down plane crashes in a storm  stranding him and his charter  new york magazine editor robin monroe ( anne heche )  on a deserted island . of course  the sophisticated robin and the salt - of - the - earth quinn are at odds long before the plane goes down  and all manner of hostile repartee is exchanged between the two from their first meeting . while some of the lines fall flat  the formulaic motions work because of the unexpectedly electric chemistry between ford and heche . both actors  who have largely done serious works as of late  seem liberated by the lack of dramatic weight on their shoulders  and they deliver their zingers  as weak as they sometimes are  with beguiling abandon . naturally  there ', s nothing like a life - threatening crisis to bring two people together  and quinn and robin ', s warmup to each other is sped up even further by the arrival of some bloodthirsty pirates . granted  some conflict needed to be introduced on the island  but this tacked - on development from writer michael browning is a bit too obviously thrown in for the purpose of adding gratuitous action scenes . but the point is to get the two together  and their newfound affection causes complications for both  but mostly robin  who came to the islands on a vacation with her fiance frank ( david schwimmer )  who frantically awaits her return on the home island . reitman  and old  reliable hand at breezy comedies  keeps the pace brisk and capably handles the more action - oriented sequences . his big accomplishment  however  is bringing the old  smiling ford back . as appealing and charismatic as he always is  ford hasn ', t been quite this charming and affable in years ; he ', s obviously having a blast  and the audience cannot help but have one along with him . holding her own is heche  whose scrappy character never becomes the screaming ninny she initially promises to be ( as the plane goes down  she frantically pops stress pills ) . she can take her lumps  physical and otherwise  just as well as quinn  making her a formidable foil and ideal match . formulaic and light as a feather  _six_days  _seven_nights_ could be cited as a classic example of the summer " popcorn " movie season ', s lack of substance . it ', s certainly fluff  but it ', s unpretentious  undemanding  and -- most importantly -- fun fluff that goes down as easily as a frothy pina colada on a balmy tropical beach . pass the popcorn .
pos near the end of 1996  analysts remarked that the year would be the last in which disney would stand alone as the animation king . the following year  1997  saw the first sleeper entry into the genre from a studio other than the magic kingdom : twentieth century fox gave baronial russia to the masses in the form of anastasia . at best  that ', s all it was -- a sleeper hit  designed to surprise but not shake the industry . in 1998  however  things have been decidedly different . there have been a number of pushes on disney ', s death grip on the market  and fifty - one weeks into ', 98  a new champion has emerged . dreamworks ', the prince of egypt succeeds where all of the other conventionally animated products have failed . the other two contenders  warner brothers ', quest for camelot and disney ', s own annual entry  mulan  lacked inspiration and drive respectively . although camelot was borderline - abysmal  and can ', t really be considered a shot at the title  mulan had the makings of winner . unfortunately  it was saturated with traditional  disney - cute animation  and lost points against the rapidly - changing face of the competition . in making the prince of egypt  dreamworks has strayed from all of these hallmarks and created a genuinely unique product . the animation is flawless  and  aside from a bug ', s life  is the best - looking movie to date . the animators have nimbly mixed both flat and spatial effects  and the 2d / 3d combination is something that artists from disney and fox have heretofore struggled with . the key to success  however  was that the visuals were used not just because they looked cool but also as a method of advancing the plot . namely  some of the most important action sequences ( like the parting of the red sea ) were done almost entirely in 3d . dreamworks is the first studio to prove that they ', ve got the stuff of success  and that they ', re capable of challenging disney . the story is also well - written  and the characters voiced with talent . for the most part  the plot follows its source material -- the book of exodus -- although only in the most general sense . the writers took a few creative liberties  and most do not damage the story in any way . in fact  the shakespearean relationship between moses ( val kilmer ) and the pharaoh rameses ( ralph fiennes ) makes the story more interesting if anything . moses  a hebrew  is saved from the slaughter of the firstborn sons by his mother when she sets him in a basket on the nile ; he floats into the pharaoh seti ( patrick stewart ) ', s palace and is taken in by the royal family . moses grows up but learns of his heritage and flees into the desert  where he discovers the burning bush and is commissioned by god to return to egypt and free the slaves . by this time  rameses is now pharaoh  and the two brothers  now on opposite sides of the line  face off in a battle of wills and divine intervention . the cast of voices is most impressive  and also includes such noteables as sandra bullock  jeff goldblum  danny glover  and steve martin . the script does not have a lot of one - liners in it  and god is reduced to a voice that might well be mistaken for the same one that spoke to kevin costner in field of dreams  but overall the story is exciting and interesting . it ', s decidedly for an older crowd  and the tykes who haven ', t had a few years of religion class will be hopelessly lost . but for those who make the bid  the prince of egypt can be a great watch .
pos capsule : a rock and roll fable  indeed . like a hubert selby  jr . novel filtered through equal parts damon runyan and bruce springsteen  and a ton of fun . streets of fire bills itself as " a rock and roll fable "  and the description is perfect . this is a stylish  great - looking  and breezily enjoyable movie that feels like a hubert selby  jr .  novel with a damon runyan rewrite  irected by bruce springsteen . noir is one of the few truly american movie genres  aside from the hollywood musical and the western . this is post - wwii brooklyn noir  for lack of a better label  with a generous injection of rock ', n roll and an all - around confrontational attitude . it all works . the plot is simplicity itself : rocker ellen aim ( diane lane ) is kidnapped by a vicious street gang  led by a bloodthirsty fellow named raven ( willem dafoe  very nasty ) . her old soldier flame ( played by michael pare ) comes back into town to save her  but doesn ', t count on a whole bunch of things going askew . that ', s about the entire plot  save for the spats with ellen ', s manager ( a hilarious rick moranis )  an encounter with a doo - wop group that winds up becoming ellen ', s supporting act  and a whole gang of other fun little touches . but in movies like this  when is the plot important ? the movie is all style  all visuals and attitudes  quotable lines and posturing -- and it delivers all those things consistently and with great brio and pacing . no surprise that it was directed by walter hill ( 48 hrs . )  who understands this kind of macho romanticism perfectly  and has put together a movie that ', s a mixture of times and sensibilities  but perfectly unified in tone . when was the last time you could say something like that about a movie  especially a movie where it seems like someone gets decked on the jaw ( * and * passes out ) every 2 . 63 minutes on cue ? streets of fire isn ', t the greatest movie ever made  but it occupies a totally unique little niche  and enjoys the position it has . anyone with a weakness for doo - wop  neon  motorcycles  rainy streets  the el  studebakers  gang pictures  lonely heroes  and a great - looking gal giving the microphone both lungs will eat this movie up . i did .
pos jack nicholson has a funny way of playing characters with very few redeeming qualities  but whom you end up liking anyway . in as good as it gets  the character in question is melvin udall  a successful novelist with obsessive - compulsive disorder who seems bent on having as little contact with people around him as possible  except when he feels like being a royal pain in the you - know - where . he ', s mean . i mean really mean . the opening scene shows him shoving a little dog down the trash chute of his manhattan condominium . every day  melvin eats at the same cafe  sits at the same table  and gets served by the same waitress . you can tell that this is his favorite place to be a vicious nuisance  when his waitress carol ( helen hunt ) tells him he can just go sit in another section  and all the other waitresses just cringe . one day  melvin makes a comment that goes to far  and carol  genuinely hurt  comes down on him like a ton of bricks . at that point we find that she is not only the only person who can put up with him as a matter of course  but is also the only person who can get to him  too . another person who often crosses melvin ', s sights is simon ( greg kinnear )  an artist who lives on melvin ', s floor . aside from the fact that he lives near the terror of the city  simon has the added benefit of being gay  making him a prime target . simon ', s friend frank ( cuba gooding  jr . )  also gay  does not fare much better . when simon walks in on a pair of men robbing his apartment  he is brutally beaten and sent to the hospital  and frank  who has grown tired of seeing his friend take the verbal abuse dished out by his neighbor  intimidates melvin into watching after simon ', s dog while he convalesces . this is the same dog melvin had earlier shoved down the garbage . an interesting thing happens when melvin takes this dog in : melvin gets to like the dog  and the two develop an attachment which is the catalyst to melvin ', s softening up to the world around him . it doesn ', t happen overnight  but throughout the film  he bites his tongue here  cares a little there  and most miraculously  falls in love . one of the best elements of this film is watching melvin try to express feelings which are not the usual negative ones he so often shares with others . he ', s traveling terra incognita here  and it shows . good performances are turned in by all principal players in this film  especially by nicholson and hunt . they play well off of each other and have a genuine chemistry which makes it a pleasure to watch them on screen . greg kinnear  who is becoming known for his supporting film roles  is also very good at playing the vulnerable simon . he gives a short monologue about what it means for him to be an artist  and delivers it with such inspiration and conviction that you actually get to feel some of what he feels . cuba gooding jr . performs with a hyped - up level of energy which contrasts nicely with that of kinnear  and comes through with a near constant comic performance . the screenplay  by mark andrus and james l . brooks  is clever  touching  and funny . the best part about it  however  is that it is filled with characters we care about because they are actually interesting . melvin is a man we can ', t quite figure out  but whose mannerisms and quirky qualities capture our attention . carol is a working woman living with her mother  trying to take care of a child with a debilitating respiratory problem . simon is a man who is a success in his circle of peers  but who is still not accepted by much of society . combined with the talent of the actors  these characters make the film . the one noticeable area where the film is lacking  however  is the absence of cuba gooding  jr . through the second half . his character makes an exit which is supposed to be temporary  but the film ends before his return  leaving his relationship with simon and melvin unresolved . i would have liked to have seen more of his character in general  in addition to a part in the film ', s conclusion . there ', s one actor  who will probably not be recognized by any awards  but who contributes greatly to many of the movie ', s best scenes and who deserves mention . this is that little dog . he plays such a pivotal role to melvin ', s character development  actually serves to forward the plot  and has some absolutely scene - stealing moments  that it is hard to believe he is simply an animal . award or no  however  when even the dog puts in a good performance  you know you ', ve got an outstanding movie .
pos " i ', ve been told by several people  ', you ', re old fashioned . you want to do everything by hand  ', " topiary gardener george mendonca complains  defending his continued resort to hand shears in trimming his intricately privet - sculpted animal creations . " this is the only way you can do it and do it right . " snip  snip . " some people believe that we are gonna replace ourselves by building these machines  and that may be  " muses mit robot scientist rodney brooks  who builds robots that run on instinct . " there may not be a place for humans in the future  if we ', re really successful . " " you feel that there ', s a and looking directly into errol morris ', s camera . " i know you are . you know i am . " in some ways the slickest film yet from nonfiction auteur morris ( the thin blue line  a brief history of time )  fast  cheap & out of control is reportage of the highest order . journalism students should dream of making connections like these . cross - cutting among interviews and filmed segments  morris traces the lives of four disparate professionals who seem to share nothing but an immersion in their work  and then threads them around one another in an intricate quadruple helix . the fun is settling into your theater seat and wondering just what the hell one story can possibly have to do with the other . what morris manages is something akin to an intellectual magic trick  an interrogative sleight of hand . one of the things that feels different about an errol morris documentary -- besides the always - striking visuals -- is the interview style  where subjects seem to look directly at the viewer . weary of pressing his cheek against the camera lens to get this effect during conversations  morris developed an elaborate double - camera gadget he calls  half - jokingly  the interrotron . through a rig that uses a pair of teleprompters to project video images of the interviewer for the subject and vice versa  these folks talk  startlingly  right to the camera -- to the video image of morris  and by extension to the audience . the gardener wonders whether  after his death  anyone will be interested in maintaining the garden that he ', s devoted half his life to tending . the robot scientist is more than a little pleased to note that his creations may be primal examples of what an insect or even an animal is -- a complicated set of sensory receptors . the mole rat specialist is delighted to catalog the ways in which these vermin animals behave like insects  and notes that they may be more suited to long - term survival than people . and the circus trainer pines for a long - lost ideal that was exemplified by world - renowned trainer and showman clyde beatty  who starred in such serials as zombies of the stratosphere ( excerpted at some length here  with affection ) . starting to detect the patterns ? fast  cheap & out of control contains a multitude of parallels and tiny intersections  culminating in what feels like an elegy ( the film is dedicated to morris ', s late mother and stepfather ) . the film is balanced on that airy precipice dividing the already musty past from the alternately exhilarating and terrifying space that is the future . ( the title is taken from brooks ', wish that nasa would send a payload of hundreds of expendable robots to scurry about the martian surface  creating a sort of road map for the terrain -- fast  cheap  and out of control . ) with able assists from editors karen schmeer and shondra merrill and cinematographer robert richardson ( oliver stone ', s longtime collaborator )  this becomes a cinematic contraption that ', s a wonder of narrative divergence and coherence . ( further enhancing the picture ', s wacky intellectual mood is the playful score by alloy orchestra founder caleb sampson . ) different story threads inform and comment on one another with the serene inscrutability of a kieslowski film  or a surrealist dream . by cobbling together out of these motley musings a thesis on the nature of craftsmanship  invention  and existence itself  morris reveals the presence of cosmic themes -- creation  evolution  death -- in earthbound lives . at the same time  and just as significantly  he pays tribute to a consuming passion for one ', s work . this breakdown of the dichotomy between the everyday and the extraordinary is likely as profound as anything you ', ll encounter in pop culture this year  and the visuals cry out for the big screen . don ', t miss it . -------------------------------------------------------------- directed by errol morris edited by karen schmeer and shondra merrill cinematography by robert richardson music by caleb sampson u . s .  1997 --------------------------------------------------------------
pos the deer hunter  directed by michael cimino  is truly one of the greatest movies ever made . a captivating drama about the lives of a group of friends from a small russian - american pennsylvania community  the deer hunter promises to be one of those movies that you will never forget . in this academy award winner for best picture of 1978  outstanding performances are turned in by all actors  and cimino ', s brilliant directing provides the perfect vision into the character ', s lives . the first act of the film provides us with an inside look into the lives of a group of men from a small community who work and hang out together . michael  portrayed perfectly by robert de niro  is shown early on as the natural leader of the group . after a days work  the men leave their jobs at a factory to head down to the local bar  where john ( george dzundza ) works . three of the men  michael  steven ( john savage )  and nick ( christopher walken ) will be leaving shortly for vietnam  but not before steven gets married . after the marriage  the group  including axel ( chuck aspegren )  spend one last day on a hunting trip  one of their favorite past - times . this sequence of events enables us to view the lifestyle of a normal group of men  who will be suddenly and permanently affected by the ravages and separations of war . the wedding scenes  although criticized by many as being quite long  actually enhance even more the purpose of the first act . the outstanding performances by de niro  walken  streep  savage  and cazale  who died very shortly after the filming of the movie was completed  really begin to shine through and promise not to halt in the near future . the second act of the movie begins with the trio of men on the front lines in vietnam  stationed in a south vietnamese village being attacked by the viet cong . the men are eventually captured and held in a floating prison on a river . this prison  run by the v . c .  initiates the horrifying scenes in the movie  where the prisoners are forced to play russian roulette against each other . steven  who is emotionally marred by this turn of events  is secluded in a tiger cage with water up to his face when he refuses to participate . michael shows his leadership again by convincing nick that the only way that steven will survive is if the two friends play against each other  and moreover  they must play with 3 bullets in the gun . personally  i felt that de niro ', s absolutely gripping portrayal really was displayed in a brilliant way in these and the following scenes . the men are eventually able to escape  but are separated . michael is able to get steven  who ends up losing his legs  to medical care  while nick finds his way to saigon and a u . s . army hospital . michael returns home and does not feel at all like a hero . he wants to avoid the celebrations and recognition that his friends would like to bestow upon him . he assumes that nick is still lost in vietnam . the third act concentrates more on walken ', s character  who eventually stumbles upon a small gambling operation where the game is  again  russian roulette . only in this game  you play for money . michael has learned that nick is possibly still alive and returns to saigon to attempt to find him . the two narrowly find each other at the russian roulette games  but do not link up until michael discovers nick participating in the games and tries to bring him home . a very emotional  and  for many  a very disturbing movie  the deer hunter is a truly magnificent movie that should not be missed . the greatest performances possible are turned in by all actors  and cimino ', s directing  which is considered to be at his all - time best in this film  is equally dazzling . do not miss this film  it will captivate and astound you .
pos with storytelling this compelling  who needs books ? based on the book by author james ellroy  l . a . confidential is probably one of the best piece of work produced by hollywood in recent years . together with director curtis hanson ( the hand that rocks the cradle  the river wild ) whom ellroy corroborated closely throughout the shooting of the film  resulted in a movie with a plot and and script so tight  an atom would have to squeeze itself through . set in the 50s  the story revolves around 3 policemen of vivid personalities . jack vincennes ( spacey ) is the cop who is more concerned on busting with fame and stardom ala hollywood style  concentrating heavily on work which will attract him media attention . there is also the young hot - shot rookie  ed exley ( pearce )  fresh out of the academy and all - out to carve a name for himself in the footsteps of his legendary cop father . the tough and unnerving bud white ( crowe )  a cop who believes in justice  the swift and violent way . 3 policemen  distinct in their characters and paths but all of them working in a place where there is no real distinction between good and evil . when his partner is murdered on the day of his resignation  bud sets out to find the people responsible but unwittingly delved himself into something more than just a simple robbery murder . even after exley receives a promotion for his work on the murder case  happenings began to link itself to the murder . the 3 eventually reach a point of convergence when what actually began as a personal investigation turns out to be an uncovering of a complex web of organised - crime in hollywood . the last time i remember a film so clever and compelling was when i watched the usual suspects . in l . a . confidential  you do not get the shock and cleverness as the former but it has a lot more of ` story ', going for it . there is not a single moment in the film in which i felt was slow at all . surprisingly  though spacey did a very convincing job as the street - wise vincennes  the movie was carried mostly by the two rather ` unknowns ',  pearce and crowe . pearce ', s exley is cool and calculative in his actions and there is a slight hint of val kilmer in his appearance . crowe ', s bud white is the most impressive of all ; head - strong and temperamental  he should obtain some sort of recognition for his work here . superb acting .  wonderful storytelling and one of the best climaxing gunfights ever . easily the best hollywood piece for 1997 .
pos synopsis : committed to an asylum  the marquis de sade ( rush ) continues to publish pornographic literature  aided by young maid madeleine ( winslet ) . abbe coulmier ( phoenix )  who runs the hospital  disapproves of the stories  but humours him in the hope of achieving a cure . de sade ', s craft and life are threatened when the emperor dispatches dr royer - collard ( michael caine ) to stop the marquis ', work  permanently . review : " quills " is an exploration of the marquis de sade : his madness  his cruelty and his perversion  his obsession with sex in any form  no matter how obscene . but " quills " also details the marquis ', determination : to write in spite of the obstacles put in his path  and to propagate his words to the masses . the extent to which de sade is willing to go to practise his trade is amongst the movie ', s most intriguing elements  as when de sade scribes a story in his own blood  or narrates a tale via of a chain of fellow inmates  cell to cell . to provide a contrast with the marquis  wright involves him with two very different characters . one is the abbe  a handsome  charming and kindly man whose desires are stymied by his oath to god . the abbe lusts for madeleine  but it is the wizened marquis who is able to have her . and then there is royer - collard  a hypocrite who in truth is as sadistic as any of the marquis ', motley creations . rush is splendid as de sade  utterly inhabiting the character . kaufman ', s direction is fine  and he is able to bring a sense of bizarre humour to the grim proceedings . the plot itself is rather mundane and plays out unsurprisingly  but this is virtually unimportant . for two hours  " quills " acquaints us with the marquis de sade -- and  more frightening still  allows us brief insight into his scatological soul .
pos with more and more television shows having gay characters  and even the infamous " ellen " sitcom being centered on the life of a lesbian  the movie industry too seems to be gaining more and more homosexual based plot lines . the birdcage was critically acclaimed  as was this years chasing amy . then along came in & out  and all three of these films are on my top ten list for the years in which they were released . it ', s also noticeable that this " alternative lifestyle " becomes less and less taboo as the years go by  and it seems that using comedy as a medium is proving a worthwhile effort . while it ', s a very serious issue to many  it is the comedies that people are flocking to see and that are gaining notoriety . but the way we ', re using comedy to present homosexuality is also changing quite dramatically . while the gay community was once very stereotyped and used to laugh * at *  it is more and more becoming something we laugh * with *  and when a movie like in & out comes along  it is something that both heterosexuals and homosexuals should be able to thoroughly enjoy . it doesn ', t poke fun at the lifestyle  it simply uses it to all it ', s comedic capacity  just as love  sex  marriage  birth  death  and anything else has been . the idea for in & out was born the day tom hanks won his oscar for portraying an aids - afflicted gay man in philadelphia . if you remember  during his acceptance speech  hanks gave a highly emotional tribute to the gay community  and even sighted a former gay teacher of his as a major inspiration in his life . it ', s a serious and touchy subject  but producer scott rudin viewed it as the setting for a potentially hilarious comedy  and pitched it to screenwriter paul rudnick . it ', s true that if this same film had been written by a heterosexual  it may have been more controversial  but because it was written by an openly gay writer  the prerogative was set . kevin kline  who only seems to become more and more acclaimed  stars as howard brackett  a high school english teacher in the small  picturesque town of greenleaf  indiana . after a three - year engagement to fellow teacher emily montgomery ( joan cusack )  a wedding date has been set  and the hubbub surrounding it is almost as big as that surrounding another huge story - greenleaf high graduate cameron drake ( matt dillon ) is up for a best actor oscar . the small town eagerly awaits both events  and both seem quite astronomical  but little does anyone know how much one will affect the other . when cameron drake is announced the winner  the excitement is heightened as he pays tribute to his high school english teacher  mr . brackett . everyone is cheering back in greenleaf - that is until cameron tacks on those three calamitous words  " and he ', s gay . " the town becomes silent as the entire population joins in a simultaneous jaw drop . the thing is  nobody  including howard  can understand how cameron came to that conclusion  and such wild and unexpected news can only wreak havoc in such a conservative american haven such as greenleaf . naturally the questions pour from howard ', s fiancee  parents ( debbie reynolds & wilford brimley )  students  and the high school ', s principal  tom halliwell ( bob newhart )  and the evidence starts to become more and more obvious : howard is clean  neat  honest  sincere  a romantic  and perhaps the most incriminating fact  he loves barbara streisand . the frenzy isn ', t helped any when camera crews from every conceivable news magazine and " entertainment tonight " wannabe show up at greenleaf high the very next morning . one particular reporter is peter malloy ( tom selleck ) of " inside entertainment "  who unlike the collage of other reporters  wants to spend a whole week in the life of howard brackett  including coverage of his wedding . the intrusion is all but welcome by howard  who is going more and more out of his mind with each passing minute . it seems that no matter where he turns  a camera is being shoved in his face and questions regarding homosexuality are being tossed to him like frisbees . the dominoes begin to tumble as howard ', s closest friends begin acting different and principal halliwell hints at a possible termination of employment should howard indeed be gay . it all sounds very devastating  and it would be if it weren ', t presented with near - perfection by one of this year ', s most delightful ensemble casts . kline seems only to improve with age  and he is downright perfect here . the great thing about this film is that every single character has a moment to shine  and they use it wonderfully . every single actor turns in one of their best performances ever . dillon has never been so likeable  cusack has never seemed so perfect for a role  and brimley  reynolds  and newhart all provide huge laughs when they ', re up to bat . rudnick ', s script is heavily laced with wit and humor  and you ', ll likely find yourself laughing out loud for a solid ninety minutes . while in & out doesn ', t carry enough to give it four stars  it remains one of the best done films of the year  all - around . the script is exuberant  the actors are absolutely top - notch  and we ', re allowed just the perfect blend of heart - tugging so as not to bog down the laughs . it remains a solid comedy throughout its entirety  yet we ', re still allowed a sappily touching ending . despite it ', s subject matter  and one scene that comes almost too close for comfort on explaining gay sex  this is a movie that everyone could  and should  enjoy . frank oz  best known as a voice talent for muppets  directs this film quite delightfully  using all the potential rudnick ', s script has to offer  which turns out to be quite a bit . check this one out . you ', ll have a gay old time .
pos with his last two films - shine and snow falling on cedars - australian director scott hicks has proven his cinematic flashbacks to be some of the best out there  and his latest  hearts in atlantis  is no different . its structure - beginning and ending in present day with one long flashback in the middle - is similar to the green mile  which is a bit ironic considering both were based on stephen king books . the parallels don ', t end there  either . atlantis was adapted by william goldman  who had previously penned the big - screen version of misery and is in the process of working on the script for king ', s dreamcatcher . even the film ', s content is a bit reminiscent of mile . in fact  it ', s the perfect blend of the feel - good ', 60s nostalgia of stand by me ( also by king ) and mystical power hokum of mile . king ', s atlantis is a book comprised of five related short stories  but the main focus here is on the first ( and longest ) tale  called low men in yellow coats ( the film ', s title comes from the second chapter ) . it ', s set in 1960 harwich  connecticut  where 11 - year - old bobby garfield ( anton yelchin ) lives in a boarding house run by his cold  self - centered mother elizabeth ( hope davis  joe gould ', s secret )  who seems to care more about her wardrobe than her son . bobby spends his time with his two closest friends  john sullivan ( will rothhaar ) and tomboy carol gerber ( mika boorem )  who become something like the kevin  paul and winnie of harwich . when a new tenant moves into the vacant room  the fatherless bobby finds a male role model in ted brautigan ( anthony hopkins  hannibal )  a mysterious stranger who is vague enough about his past to make bobby ', s mom suspicious enough to at least momentarily turn her head away from the mirror . ted teaches his young neighbor about the wonders of literature ( after his cheapskate mother gives him a library card for his birthday )  dispenses prophetic words of wisdom and even pays bobby one dollar a week to read him the local newspaper and keep his eyes peeled for the low men  a group of people chasing ted to exploit his special powers . i won ', t go into what these powers are  but they ', re considerably toned down from the book ( and don ', t involve black stuff flying out of ted ', s mouth  a la mile ) . atlantis ', present - day setting which bookends the film is based on the novel ', s final chapter  titled heavenly shades of night are falling  and features david morse ( in yet another connection to the green mile ) as a married  middle - aged bobby who learns of the death of both of his childhood friends and returns to the dilapidated boarding house in which he spent his formative years . atlantis is nowhere near as flashy as hicks ', cedars  which is disappointing but understandable considering the switch from the completely amazing robert richardson to the occasionally amazing piotr sobocinski  the oscar - nominated cinematographer behind krzysztof kieslowski ', s red . the acting is solid from everyone  including hopkins  who never once makes you think of dr . lecter . most impressive are youngsters yelchin and boorem  who both had tiny parts in along came a spider . while i didn ', t really have much of a problem with goldman ', s screenplay  i do need to point out at least one inconsistency . goldman  for those of you who don ', t read premiere  writes what seems like an annual criticism of everybody else ', s films  carefully explaining why they all suck  make no sense and insult their audiences  while somehow failing to mention the crap that he ', s penned ( like the general ', s daughter ) . it ', s mean - spirited but fun to read  mostly on account of nobody else in hollywood having the balls to say anything remotely negative about anybody else in the business ( including michael jackson  o . j . and robert blake ) . in atlantis  which is supposed to be told through the eyes of young bobby  one would assume he would have to be in each scene in order to have the memory to which to flash back . well  he ', s not  and it doesn ', t make sense . 1 : 41 - pg - 13 for violence and thematic elements
pos corey yuen ', s latest film  " hero " is notable on two fronts . first this is the film to bring back the shaw brothers studio back to the forefront of film production . secondly  the film is the re - discovery of yuen biao . the film opens around the end of the qin dynasty  when many immigrants were making their way to shanghai . poverty and crime rule most of china . a young man  ma wing jing and his brother enter the fabled city and become laborers at the pier . tam see is the most powerful gangster in town  having control of the center of the city and having an alliance with the british army . wing jing and see become friends during a confrontation . their friendship grows as both men start to realize their dreams  wing jing ', s to be a powerful and wealthy man  and see to settle down with a woman he can truly love . wing jing meets the singer at the club ( jessica hester ) and falls in love with her  not realizing that she is the star attraction . after stealing her picture from a display  wing jing and his brother plot to impress her . first they rob two foreigner ', s of their money and cloths  and set up a midnight rendezvous . unfortunately  wing jing has run afoul of a rival gangster  yeung seung who has bribed the police in an effort to gain control of see ', s night club . the two bothers are arrested and held until they manage to escape just before dawn . jessica  having waited outside in the cold with her manager all night  gives up and returns home . see decides to retire  he gives the night club to wing jing  as repayment for saving his life during an attempted murder . see arranges the trade and ask his lover ( valerie chow ) to take care of wing jing . unfortunately  she has sided with yeung seung . the performances in the film are all top notch  with fine turns by takeshi kaneshiro as ma wing jing and jessica hester and valerie chow . the comic turn by yuen wah  previously known as the mad vietnamese in samo hung ', s " eastern condors "  is a marvelous surprise . his gift for comedy is marvelously understated and hilarious . the stand - out is by yuen biao who returns to the screen after a string of disappointments  with a stellar performance . his tam see is a triad boss who knows that his time is coming to an end but still has the cunning and craft to uphold his pride . his gangster is almost non - violent  in that he only retaliates  never instigates violence . but when the time comes to fight  yuen biao has never looked better . corey yuen directs the film with a maturity and a sense of pacing that has been lacking in hong kong movies as of late . the lighting  cinematography and staging of the film are beautiful to watch . the action scenes do not disappoint either . this is the most aggressive and inventive martial art choreography i ', ve seen in some time  actually surpassing jackie chan ', s work in both ', rumble in the bronx ', and ', first strike ', . the special effects team deserves praise for a fantastic job of making the impossible look possible . an early fight between takeshi kaneshiro and yuen biao on the back of a horse is to be seen to be believed . also noteworthy is the score for the film  done in a marvelously lush orchestral style  not representative of most hong kong fare . i would dare to say it ranks as high as the scores for both " titanic " and " rosewood " as best of the year . all in all  " hero " marks a grand return to filmmaking for shaw brothers . this is the film that gives us faith that hong kong cinema is alive and flourishing .
pos synopsis : in this cultural exploration  a chinese american computer engineer named fang ( peter wang ) decides to take a month - long vacation to visit his sister mrs . chao ( shen guanglan )  her husband mr . chao ( hy xiaoguang )  and their teenage daughter lili ( li qinqin ) in beijing after 30 years of separation . fang brings his asian american wife grace ( sharon iwai ) and his college - aged son paul ( kelvin han yee ) along  both of whom don ', t speak chinese . the encounter between the two families allows the audience to compare the eastern and western cultures as well as the ambitions of individual characters . opinion : sometimes a film is plot driven . sometimes it ', s a character sketch . a great wall ( 1986 ) can be called a culture sketch  as opposed to a character sketch because it gently compares a chinese american family to a beijing family . fang ', s family is thoroughly americanized . fang is an upper middle class professional who enjoys jogging and argues with his boss . his wife can ', t cook chinese . his son has a white girlfriend and complains of racism when fang encourages him to befriend an asian girl . meanwhile fang ', s beijing sister advocates absolute loyalty to the ', work unit . ', her husband is a retired official who has heard rumors of american depravity ( homosexuals running the streets )  and her daughter lili longs for american freedoms in a youth culture where studying for college entrance exams is the most important thing in life . the two families spend a month slowly learning about each other . there is no ultimate ', answer ', or final comprehensive understanding after the month - long vacation . the film is neither here nor there ; it ', s a neutral  meandering  gentle  portrait of life on both sides .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . on december 20  1996  amidst all the year - end oscar bait releases from the major studios  miramax ', s genre label dimension films quietly released a sly little ensemble slasher flick titled scream . although the teen horror market had been given up for all - but - dead in recent years  the film shocked industry observers by scoring consistently high box office returns  eventually topping $ 100 million domestic and becoming one of the most successful films of its type in history  while delighting audiences by finally presenting a set of knowing slasher flick protagonists who were aware of the all the standard cliches associated with the genre . the sleeper success of scream sent shockwaves through the industry -- suddenly  everybody was looking for hip  inexpensive fright films that might be able to reap similar fortunes . the strategy of casting young tv stars to draw the youth demographic was given a boost . scream director wes craven  previously best known as the creator of new line ', s a nightmare on elm street film series  was thrust back into the limelight . and scream ', s rookie scribe  kevin williamson  burst onto the film scene in stunning fashion . it ', s hard to understate this last point . mr . williamson has  based upon his produced screenplays as of this writing ( scream  i know what you did last summer from october 1997  and now scream 2 )  enjoyed a meteoric rise to fame  quickly become the most well - known screenwriter amongst the entertainment weekly - reading  box office figure - watching youth culture since -- well  since that quentin tarantino guy ( whom  it is said  has also achieved some renown as a director ) . indeed  in a singularly freakish oddity  it is the screenwriter  mr . williamson  and not the director that has been receiving the lion ', s share of acclaim for the success of scream  and the print advertisements for scream 2 ', s theatrical release are similarly indicative of his increasing prominence : while the traditional " a film by wes craven " drapes the film ', s title in the ads  right below it ( in equal sized font  yet ) reads " written by kevin williamson "  an affirmation of the screenwriter ', s contribution to the project which may be unprecedented . ( i can envision the board of wga  licking their chops at this coup and counting the days until their goal of " a film by " is attained . ) and  much like mr . tarantino ', s screenwriting  mr . williamson ', s work is vaguely unconventional  incorporating both contemporary pop culture references and allusions to other films into the dialogue of his characters . in scream  they satirically discussed other horror films ; here in the sequel  the characters discuss the relative merits of film sequels . scream was written in 1995 during the infamous bob dole rampage against hollywood  and mr . williamson ', s rejection of this tirade clearly influenced the writing in both that film and this sequel . while the sequel was planned from the outset -- a treatment of scream 2 was included when mr . williamson sold the screenplay for scream -- the basic premise for the film and the reunion of the surviving characters nevertheless seems extremely artificially contrived  and it ', s only at about the film ', s midway point when it becomes engaging . like its predecessor  scream 2 opens with a splashy  eye - grabbing prologue which only vaguely ties into the film ', s principal narrative ; this time around  we ', re following the exploits of a young couple ( jada pinkett and omar epps ) attending a riotously gleeful sneak preview screening of stab ( a running film - within - a - film gag where the " true life " events behind the first film has been turned into a movie ) . however  although it tries hard and has some good ideas -- the nightmarishly enthusiastic audience in the film vaguely reminded me of the one i was sharing the theatre with  and i was certainly thinking about gutting the overly - noisy person a few seats away myself after about fifteen minutes -- the prologue is a pale imitation of the bravura opening sequence in the original with drew barrymore ( where her performance not only convinced me that she * could * act  but was so good that it would rank among the best performances in a horror film that i ', ve ever seen ) . there are too many knowing  hip pop - culture references crammed into the scream 2 sequence  and the setup isn ', t nearly as cleverly frightening as scream ', s ; while the first film ', s preface dizzyingly built up to a final shot that was exhilaratingly terrifying  the payoff here is almost campily theatrical . flash to the campus of a smalltown ohio college  where returning characters sidney ( neve campbell ) and randy ( jamie kennedy ) have relocated for their studies and to escape the notoriety from the events in the first film . the murders which open this film result in reuniting the survivors -- single - minded tabloid tv reporter gale weathers ( courteney cox ) roars into town to cover the breaking story  while ever - awkward former deputy dewey riley ( david arquette ) flies in to protectively guard over sidney . they ', re joined by cotton weary ( liev schreiber )  who was falsely accused of homicide in a cameo appearance during the first film ; his role here is significantly expanded . the film incidentally provides surprisingly little backstory  although i suppose a good case can be made that it really isn ', t necessary -- not because so many people have seen the first installment  but because this is  after all  a sequel to a slasher film : what do you * think * happened to these characters in the prior movie ? there ', s a lot of new faces on the scene too : sidney ', s new boyfriend  derek ( jerry o ', connell ) and her new roommate hallie ( elise neal )  randy ', s fellow film student mickey ( timothy olyphant )  gale ', s newly - assigned nervous cameraman joel ( duane martin )  omnipresent local journalist debbie salt ( laurie metcalf )  co - ed cici cooper ( ms . buffy herself  sarah michelle gellar )  and a pair of simpering sorority sisters ( rebecca gayheart and sirens ', portia di rossi ) . any of these characters could be the killer -- or for that matter  could be the next victim . as is seemingly becoming a regular staple of a kevin williamson screenplay  the narrative is once again framed around the increasingly - flimsy premise of a whodunit . one problem that scream didn ', t have was keeping you interested in the identity of the killer . here ( and to some extent in i know what you did last summer )  mr . williamson ', s screenplay seems slightly hampered by trying to turn the identity of the killer into a mystery . the film occasionally becomes so bogged down with misdirection that you can sense it straining at the seams to try and drop red herrings left and right at the expense of its thriller elements . ( it doesn ', t help matters any that the killer ', s alter - ego is fairly obvious from the get - go . ) indeed  the finale plays as full - out camp when the villain is finally unmasked  frothing at the mouth with glazed eyes . this is one of those cases where the villain goes on such an endless diatribe about their machinations  scheming  and motivation  that you actually get bored listening and just want them all to get on with it . while the basic setup and premise for the film is fairly contrived  the aspect where it ', s head - and - shoulders above its predecessor is in its suspense sequences . they ', re staged much more imaginatively here ( save for the first post - prologue murder  which is handled in such a mediocre  conventional fashion that it seems to be culled directly from the predictable 1980s slasher flicks that the first film satirized )  and are much more fun to watch . it ', s hard to hold back a smile during a giddy scene where sidney and her companion have to climb over the incapacitated killer in order to escape from a car wreck  and a cat - and - mouse chase involving gale and dewey in a campus sound lab is very nicely staged  although its ultimate resolution is hilariously overblown . in terms of its characters  the strong part of the film is the interesting relationship between gale and dewey ( who ambles onto the screen accompanied by his very own theme music ) . their verbal sparring at the outset provides much humour -- an exchange where dewey defensively rebukes charges of a perceived aura of incompetency is well - written -- and there ', s a curiously endearing aspect about their relationship amidst all the mayhem and bloodshed . on the other hand  sidney is pretty dull here . she doesn ', t have any compelling presence  and there ', s nothing particularly interesting about her this time around to make us care about her other than that she ', s the returning heroine . given this  and the fact that there ', s no strong second banana character for sidney ( elise neal ', s role isn ', t nearly substantive enough to adequately fill rose mcgowan ', s shoes )  it ', s no wonder why the roles for gale and dewey have been significantly augmented for this installment of the film . what surprises me the most about scream 2 is its zealousness in decimating its cast . the film ', s mounting body count bears out the fact that * no * character is safe ( well  * almost * ) ; while in principal i applaud this bold policy  at some point you ', ve got to be wondering about just how many characters will make it to the next sequel . ( i was particularly surprised with the untimely demise of one in particular  whose casting for the next installment of the series would ', ve seemed obvious . ) but hey  as rose mcgowan ', s character said in the first film : " no  please don ', t kill me  mr . ghostface -- i want to be in the sequel ! " look what that got her .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . it ', s startling to consider that it was only a few years ago that film distributors would worriedly rearrange their summer release schedules in order to give the annual disney animated feature juggernaut a wide berth . the lion king had just cracked $ 300 million domestic in gross to become one of the most profitable ventures in film history  continuing to build on a sturdy base left by prior flicks aladdin and beauty and the beast . since then  though  disney ', s animated features have shown an unbroken string of diminishing returns  with pocahontas  the hunchback of notre dame  and this year ', s hercules successively proving less and less potent . with the once seemingly - impregnable disney stranglehold on the market share suddenly looking mighty vulnerable  and faced with their first serious competition in the animated film market from fox ', s anastasia  disney has brought xmas home early by dusting off the feature which sparked the modern revival of feature animation  the little mermaid . while the animation for the film is  as is typically the case for disney films  unquestionably top - notch  the magic in the little mermaid is not its animation  but the wonderful innocence of its story and its rousingly superb music . the film ', s storyline is fairly straightforward -- young teen falls for handsome man  father disapproves and assigns hapless chaperone to his daughter  teen disobeys father and goes to desperate lengths to win her man -- except in this case  the chaperone is a crab  the teen is a young mermaid  and the object of her desire is a human prince . what makes the little mermaid so affecting and so emotionally resonant is the richness and charm of its characters and the sheer clarity and honest simplicity of their emotions . from the moment mermaid ariel lays her eyes on prince eric  she ', s resolutely smitten  and she ', s such a pure and endearing character that one can ', t help but invest their heart with her . this simple but touching love story  coupled with a healthy dose of smart humour  makes the little mermaid a remarkably captivating picture . one of the interesting things about the little mermaid is something which now curiously dates it : the voices cast for its motley crew of characters . this film was produced just before the distracting concept of using celebrity voices became in vogue  which started to a certain degree with beauty and the beast and was irrevocably exacerbated by robin williams ', much - heralded turn in aladdin ; by the release of the lion king and henceforth  the majority of characters in the animated films were voiced by celebrities . while it ', s understandable that animated features lacking the name - recognition or drawing power of disney ( say  balto ', s use of kevin bacon and bridget fonda  or even anastasia ', s showcasing of meg ryan and john cusack ) would be forced to turn to this strategy in order to hype their products  it ', s unfortunate that even disney has embraced this policy . do we really need to hear  say  demi moore as esmerelda in the hunchback of notre dame ? is the film ', s entertainment value really augmented by hearing a recognizable voice  rather than a voice which best suits the role ? ( i ', m not exactly on the edge of my seat for eddie murphy in the upcoming mulan . ) fortunately  the performers who voice the characters in the little mermaid  although perhaps more obscure  are impeccably cast . chief among them is jodi benson  a 1992 tony nominee for her stage work in crazy for you  who voices the film ', s heroine ariel to perfection ; with a wonderfully expressive speaking voice full of youthful vigor  and gorgeous singing voice  ms . benson provides a most engaging anchor for the film . ( she ', s the only reason i ', d even consider catching flubber . ) similarly  samuel e . wright is terrific in the showy role of sebastian  the weary guardian crab . he easily milks his lovable character ', s comic moments for all they ', re worth  and his rendering of two of the little mermaid ', s big tunes -- " under the sea " and " kiss the girl " -- have become the stuff of legend . pat carrol is deliciously villainous and vampy as the evil sea - witch ursula  while kenneth mars ', booming voice conveys the stern yet affectionate authority of ariel ', s father  king triton . in large roles and small ( edie mcclurg as dotting busybody carlotta is ideal  and rene auberjonois has great fun with his exuberant french chef )  the little mermaid is impeccably cast . of course  the little mermaid will probably be best remembered for its remarkable collection of songs composed by the songwriting team of alan menken ( music ) and howard ashman ( lyrics )  who had created little shop of horrors and would go on to compose beauty and the beast and aladdin for disney before mr . ashman ', s untimely death . not only are mr . menken ', s tunes unbearably catchy  but mr . ashman ', s charming lyrics are fully integrated into the film ', s storyline so that the songs are a virtual extension of the character ', s dialogue  and consequently work wonderfully within the context of the film . mr . menken ', s score for the film is equally top - notch ; the sequence where eric ( voiced by christopher daniel barnes ) and ariel tour his kingdom in a horse - drawn carriage becomes magical and wondrous with mr . menken ', s fine score . it appears that most people prefer the delightfully colourful production number for the calypso - styled " under the sea " as joyfully crooned by mr . wright  which won the academy award and golden globe awards for best song -- indeed  one of the many little joys in screening the film during its re - release was listening to children scattered throughout the audience singing along with the tune -- but my favourite is ms . benson ', s heartfelt rendition of the ballad " part of your world "  an achingly beautiful tune of yearning and hope ( wonderfully lyricized by mr . ashman ) which  accompanied by the film ', s most dazzlingly polished animation sequence  packs an emotional wallop which literally brought tears to my eyes . during the song ', s reprise  which builds to a crescendo with ariel arching on a rock as a wave crashes in  the cumulative effect is nothing short of breathtaking  and one becomes acutely aware that this single instance is one of the finest in animation history . as of this writing  november 1997 has come to an end  as has disney ', s limited 17 - day re - release of the little mermaid . there ', s no question that the primary motivation for  if not the film ', s reissue itself  at least its timing  was to reinforce disney ', s dominance in the animation market and provide direct competition to fox ', s costly new upstart animation division and their first major venture  anastasia . in every respect  the re - release of the little mermaid appears to be a success -- the film ', s 1997 grosses have pushed its cumulative domestic gross over the magic $ 100 million mark ; the little mermaid proved to have remarkably strong drawing power for a film initially released only eight years ago and in many homes on video  pulling in close to $ 10 million in its opening weekend ; and although nobody could possibly expect the little mermaid to possibly defeat the aggressively - marketed anastasia in head - to - head competition  it siphoned enough from the fox film ', s opening weekend totals to keep anastasia from the coveted weekend leader spot  allowing for disney ', s odious flubber to sweep in on the subsequent week and wrestle the family demographic market share away . but although disney ', s motives in the reissue of the little mermaid were self - serving and protectionist  the real winner is the public . any reason to put this film back into theatres is a good one  and it ', s a true joy to see this heartwarming gem back on the silver screen . the little mermaid is the best film to come out of the disney ', s modern animation renaissance  and one of the greatest animated films ever made .
pos this christmas  little ralphie parker ( peter billingsley ) wants nothing more than a red ryder bb gun under the tree . although cautioned by many that he will ? shoot his eye out ',  ralphie remains optimistic  conjuring up a detailed scheme to get on the good side of his parents and teachers . it could be possible that no one has ever wanted anything with more passion than ralphie wants this bb gun  and the story of his eternal struggle is a charming one . ` a christmas story ', is a favorite among many during the holiday season  and boy  it is certainly easy to see why . ralphie ', s endless desire for the bb gun may transport you back to your childhood  when you were craving a certain gift for christmas and the anxiety was almost indescribable . evoking pleasant childhood memories is only one of the many things ` a christmas story ', does so well . here are a few features that make this film such a charming little package for everybody during the holiday season : 1 ) period detail . this film is based on the memoirs of late humorist jean shepard  who shares his experiences as a young boy living in the 1940 ', s with loving detail . shepard narrates from a first person point - of - view  divulging his various adventures one snowy december  in which visions of taking aim with his new bb gun replaced that of sugarplums dancing in his head . shepard ', s first - hand commentary of several situations is not only downright hilarious  but also witty and warm  with various metaphorical meanings that ring perfectly with the essence of comic timing . on top of that  young billingsley ', s stupefied reactions to each predicament is absolutely perfect in contrast with the narration . director bob clark captures the look and feel of the era with wonderful technicality . i can hardly imagine a more accurate depiction of what christmas for young ralphie must have been like . 2 ) mom and dad . both melinda dillon ( as mom ) and darren mcgavin ( as ? the old man ', ) are perfect in their roles . it ', s hard to fathom a more agreeable pair for the requirements of a story like this one  with each possessing at least one memorable trait that instantly separates them from the wooden caricatures that could have been featured . for instance  he is a bloodthirsty turkey hound  and she is forgiving and understanding when it comes to some serious issues . in portraying the writer as a persistent but mild - mannered young lad  peter billingsley has struck quite the chord . his performance is richly textured  making all of the humorous situations he stumbles into radiate with flavor and enjoyment . which brings us to . . . . 3 ) the comic situations . there are plenty of memorable moments in ` a christmas story ', . moments that undoubtedly will improve in comic potency upon each new viewing  with so much more to explore and to cherish . i am particularly partial of the ? f - word scene ',  in which ralphie blurts out the shocking four - letter obscenity while helping the old man in the yard . again  shepard ', s method of handling this amusing scenario is nothing short of comic wizardry . the numerous sequences that stick in one ', s mind include  of course  the famous department store santa scene - in which billingsley has some problems in telling old saint nick what he wants under the tree . i could go on  but i ', ll finish on this note : ` a christmas story ', is a standout among holiday movies  because it captures so much in a meager 90 minutes . not only is it funny  it ', s often genuinely hilarious . . . . not to mention warm  fluffy and touching in all the appropriate places . i plan on making ` a christmas story ', a christmas tradition . why don ', t you ?
pos in intolerance  d . w . griffith told four different historical stories at the same time  cutting from one to the other . each of the stories builds to a fast - paced climax . in magnolia  paul thomas anderson tells several stories each just tangentially connected to the others . yet the stories and where they are going are all independent . what is strange about these stories is that they are all synchronized . each story builds to a tense moment ( or what appears to be intended to be a tense moment ) but then lets the tension dissolve . while the tension dissipates one character starts singing a song and in each plotline the major characters sing along  even though they are not in the same scene . then toward the end the stories each build to a tense moment again . it is almost as if the characters are somehow psychically linked . this creates some strange effects . the stories are about empty desperate people with dysfunctional relationships . the strands have varying degrees of bizarre content . we have the story of a dying man earl partridge ( jason robards ) wanting to get in touch with his son and make amends . phil parma ( philip seymour hoffman ) is his nurse who is frantic to help partridge achieve his final goal . partridge ', s young wife linda ( julianne moore ) is getting more and more anxious as partridge dies  but for an unsuspected reason . frank mackey ( tom cruise ) runs the kinds of self - help seminar that businesses like so much  but he aims his at teaching disaffected men how to be real shit - heels in dealing with women in an angry backlash to women ', s lib . officer jim kurring ( john c . reilly ) is a patrolman who has a need to feel he is making the world a better place . jimmy gator ( philip baker hall ) hosts a popular children ', s tv quiz show that really exploits and destroys children as we see from the stories of current quiz kid stanley spector ( jeremy blackman ) and former quiz kid donnie smith ( william h . macy ) . the film juggles all these stories for over three hours  but even after all this time not one story is resolved satisfactorily . each story moves toward a single bizarre common climax  but it is not one that seems to do much but derail each story . the common climax itself is ambiguous in many ways and it fails to really tie up any of the stories . the film seems to be built around strange events and weird history  but it really has little to do with the content of the stories  though they all are connected in part by one weird event . magnolia will probably bring some much deserved attention to paul thomas anderson  though in my opinion his two previous films  hard eight and boogie nights were better told stories . it is interesting that one starts to look forward to actors from anderson ', s company . john c . reilly seems to be a standard fixture . particularly notable is philip baker hall who gave a mesmerizing performance from the first scene of hard eight . here he several of the characters are mesmerizing  but that characteristic is not really used . as studies of characters these stories are each worth following . as well - rounded stories with a beginning  middle and end  they leave something to be desired . but the film is willing to do the unexpected and that helps make the film worth sitting through . i rate it a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low + 2 on the - 4 to + 4 scale . heavy spoiler . . . heavy spoiler . . . heavy spoiler . . . heavy spoiler . . . during the strange climactic event of the film we get multiple messages from the filmmaker that the event we are seeing really does happen . and in actual fact  it does . since biblical times rains of frogs have been interpreted as signs of displeasure of the gods . it is  however  a perfectly natural  if somewhat unnerving  phenomenon . the cause is associated with whirlwinds . we know that tornadoes over land can rip up land and even objects of some size from the ground and hurl them into the air  holding them aloft . the reader may remember the unfortunate cow in twister . smaller objects can be hurled high into the atmosphere and then be kept aloft by the updrafts for surprisingly long periods of time much as hail and chunks of ice are . when the whirlwind is over water  animals near the surface  frequently fish and frogs  may suffer the same fate . essentially they are vacuumed up by the whirlwind  held aloft by updrafts  and finally dropped elsewhere . so while the rain is possible  some doubts do creep in . the rain of frogs depicted in this film may be of greater scale than i had pictured for a rain of frogs . it seems unlikely the frogs would still be alive when dropped . it is not clear that geographic conditions are right for los angeles to have this sort of phenomenon . ( frankly i have no idea on these points . ) otherwise the event was quite believable . what we see in this film is much more credible than the phenomena we saw in volcano . in the film it is left ambiguous if the rain is a sign from god since there are many references to exodus 8 : 2 . " and the frogs shall come up both on thee and upon thy people  and upon all thy servants . " however a rain of frogs  though it feels biblical  is most definitely not a biblical portent . note that the previous verse says " and the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly which shall go up . . .  " so the bible is referring not to a rain but to an infestation from the river . the only other reference to frogs in the bible is as a symbol for uncleanness in revelation 16 : 13 .
pos contact is the 1997 movie i ', ve seen the most - five times to be exact . four of those times were on the big screen  but even on a tv  it ', s a very impressive film . the same can ', t be said for films like independance day  but that ', s because contact is a rare example in sci - fi filmmaking where the story is treated more importantly than the special effects  and all of us know looking back that id4 didn ', t offer much outside of some one - time delightful eye candy . contact ', s wonderfully presented story deals with ellie arroway ( jodie foster )  a radio astronomer whose preference of study involves the outdated technique of " merely listening " to sounds out in space . her interest in the field of astronomy developed at a very young age  encouraged by her loving father  ted ( david morse )  who let ellie use a small ham radio to pick up on frequencies and communicate with people as far away as pensacola  fl ( that was  of course  before the days of internet chat rooms ) . while everyone else uses modern technologies to aid them in the search for extra - terrestrial intelligence ( of which the program seti is an acronym for )  ellie prefers to pop on a pair of headphones and see what she can pick up on  keeping the youthful magic and intrigue strongly alive . ellie ', s strong scientific basis essentially makes her an atheist  a belief likely influenced by the death of her father while she was still quite young . in puerto rico  she meets palmer joss ( matthew mcconaughey )  a writer examining the effects of technology on the world ', s overall happiness ; a one - time seminary student who describes himself as " a man of the cloth  without the cloth " . despite the vast differences in opinion regarding a " supreme being "  ellie and palmer hit it off  and even take the time to sleep together . it ', s a weak and hurried relationship  but director zemeckis needs it to add to the plot later on . meanwhile  dr . david drumlin ( tom skerritt )  who has authority over seti but finds the program a frivolous waste of time and money  is ready to pull the plug on any and all seti funding . this leaves the passionate ellie searching for new sponsors  eventually finding a setup in new mexico and leaving palmer with no explanation  and only a one night stand to remember . it is in this nm city where  several months later  ellie finally picks up on a strong signal from outer space  perhaps the most profound discovery in the history of science . when the signal is closely examined  many new developments spring up  and before long  drumlin is stepping in to take over the operation he once scoffed at . eventually  it is concluded that information in the signal may be blueprints for a transportation device used to teleport an earthling to vega ( where the signal seems to have originated ) . the media swarms  fanatics go further off the deep end  scientists clamor for new information  politicians huddle in discussion of appropriate actions to take  and presidents are morphed into a celluloid reality ( remember when zemeckis couldn ', t get enough of this in forrest gump ? ) . as if that weren ', t enough  ellie ', s discovery leads her to the nation ', s capital where she again runs into palmer . contact is based on the novel by carl sagan and deals heavily with the subject of science vs . religion . the impressive thing is how well both aspects are presented  with no signs of bias . arguments for both sides are intelligent  solid  and thought - provoking . when palmer joins a selection committee to choose an ambassador to vega ( of which ellie is a leading candidate )  personal convictions play a more important role than love interests . the question is  can a person who doesn ', t believe in god truly be the best representative of earth when 90 % of the planet * does * believe in a higher power ? even when the film wraps up  it ', s uncertain whether it ', s meant to play as an advocate for religion  science  both  or even neither  and in our modern day society where " right and wrong " is only opinion ( at least speaking " politically correctly " )  the ambiguity is an incentive . don ', t get me wrong . as much as it sounds like it  contact isn ', t merely a theology class rolled into a reel of film . it ', s a * highly * enjoyable two and a half hours . despite its seemingly heavy issues  it ', s not a tedious undertaking to watch this film . the special effects are outstanding  though ( warning ! ) highly depreciated on the small screen . even so  some of the subtle visual effects ( that will likely go unnoticed by many ) are even more impressive than ones more recognizable as " sci - fi " . the storytelling is rich and complete  and although there are moments in the film that feel quite pretentious ( and at times  even hokey )  it ', s easily one of the best 1997 films  and one of the best sci - fi films i ', ve ever seen . this is zemeckis ', best since back to the future  and for those of us who actually know that forrest gump was astronomically overrated  zemeckis now has real reason to boast .
pos roberto benigni is a clown in the tradition of chaplin and keaton . this italian film star  best known in the united states for the poorly received son of the pink panther  has done the near impossible by creating a comic fable about the holocaust . but benigni ', s life is beautiful ( la vita e bella ) is not so much a story of the holocaust as it uses that monstrous outrage against humanity as a backdrop to tell a story of familial love  devotion and sacrifice . the movie starts out as a typical slapstick farce with benigni ', s guido arriving in the small tuscan town of arezzo in 1938 to fulfill his dream of owning a bookstore . like many of the slapstick clowns who preceded him  most notably the almost - forgotten harry langdon  benigni ', s guido has a childlike innocence . he ignores the growing anti - semitism of the fascist government . instead  guido ardently falls in love and persues dora  a local school teacher who already is engaged to a local fascist official . in benigni ', s tightly wound script this is the same fascist official with whom guido had an earlier unfortunate - yet slapstick - encounter . guido wins dora . they marry . fast forward about five years . guido  dora  and their 5 - year - old son  giosue ? ( giorgio cantarini ) are a happy family . guido has finally fulfilled his dream of opening a bookstore . but racial and anti - semitic tensions are on the rise in italy  and guido has determined to do his best to shield his son from these harsh realities . the task becomes even the more difficult when the family is deported to a concentration camp . here  guido must use all his skill and imagination not only to shield his son  but to keep him from being exterminated . it is at this juncture in life is beautiful may tend to offend those whom the holocaust has touched . for the scenes in the concentration camp lack the horror  the pain  the unimaginable suffering of a schindler ', s list . true  many italian jews were not deported until the war was nearly over  and most were not sent to the death camps  but to work camps where they were used as slave labor . unlike steven spielberg  benigni is not out to tell the story of the holocaust . his story is about family and the lengths a parent will go to protect a child . for guido  to save his son  transforms the entire experience into an elaborate game . giosue ? must follow the rules without question to amass 1  000 points . the winner takes home a tank . therefore  guido tells him  he must remain hidden in the barracks . he cannot make a sound nor allow the guards to see him . guido explains this during a hilarious sequence when a german guard barks the camp instructions to the newly arrived inmates . guido  lying that he understands german and can translate for his fellow prisoners  instead lays down the rules for his son to allow him a chance to survive . throughout their imprisonment  guido ', s quick thinking continually keeps his son from harm ', s way . ultimately  the allies rescue the camp . in a poignant scene  giosue ? comes out of hiding just as an american tank rolls into the compound . the boy goes wide - eyed with wonderment and delight  thinking he has won the game . the price for his victory is most high . benigni has succeeded in using the blackest moment in human history to prove that even in hell  a ray of hope and salvation can penetrate the darkness . life is beautiful is a fantasy  a fable . it is not to be taken as a record of the holocaust . those who object to it are missing its point . and that is simply where there is hope  where there is life and where there is love  the spark of humanity will never be extinguished . committed to lifelong learning through effective communication
pos larry flynt is a self proclaimed smut pedlar and the owner / publisher of the multi - million dollar hustler publications company . the people vs . larry flynt is the story of larry flynt ', s fight for the freedom to circulate and sell his pornographic magazine  hustler . based on a true story  the film is almost a documentary in that it ', s a very vivid and detailed look at larry flynt ', s life . woody harrelson gives an excellent performance . he conveys flynt ', s peculiarities and his character with depth and focus . by the end of the film the audience actually finds themselves  somewhat grudgingly  liking larry flynt . this is some feat given flynt ', s apparent lack of any morals or ethics and his extremely smutty and childish behaviour in court . however  flynt has a number of things going for him  he ', s rich  he ', s funny  and most importantly  he says exactly what he means . larry flynt ', s wife  althea leasure is played by courtney love . larry meets althea at one of his clubs  and they fall in love ( a very sexual and open love ) . both of them indulge in a world of too much sex  and eventually too much drugs . flynt had been taking an excessive amount of pain killers after being paralysed from the waist down ( which was especially upsetting for him ) by an assassin . althea had joined him in taking the drugs . following an operation flynt decides to stop taking drugs  althea does not have any such plans  nor the determination to follow them . as the film progresses we see her become increasingly frail and sick . courtney love obviously has a great understanding for althea ', s situation  as she is brilliant in portraying althea in every respect . it ', s extremely sad to watch althea literally wither away . edward norton plays flynt ', s lawyer  alan isaacman . again  this is a solid performance . the audience finds it easy to sympathise with isaacman who somehow puts up with flynt ', s courtroom antics . flynt is not only childish in the courtroom  but downright rude to the judges  and lands himself in a lot of trouble ( and even in a mental institution ) because of it . isaacman is very easy to like  and great at proving ( in quite clever ways ) his points to the court . milos forman has done a great job in directing the people vs . larry flynt . it is not really an exciting or thrilling film  but instead a highly interesting portrayal of a true story . due to larry ', s character it is also  at times  a very funny film . however  it is much more than that . it is about the fight for freedom of speech  anti - censorship  and the right to be able choose for oneself what to see and buy . an excellent look at flynt  his life  and his story . keep a look out for the real larry flynt who makes a cameo as judge morrissey .
pos virtual reality is a topic that has almost defined its own genre . since ', dark city ', ( 1998 )  films about alternative universes and parallel worlds have been coming one after another . the most popular and original of them all has been the matrix . all the films released after it  have been less successful . david cronenberg ', s existenz  released only a couple of months after the matrix  was accepted and even appreciated ( by some )  but the hype was gone . and when ', the thirteenth floor ', aired this fall  it was completely overseen and ignored . i admit that this issue has become something between tiring and annoying  feeling like eating the same meal over and over again . it was therefore i was less than excited  when i went out to see to ', the thirteenth floor ', . however  i was positively surprised by josef rusnak ', s latest picture . matrix was an entertaining thrill ride through dreams and reality  combining the best of hollywood ', s action and effects with an intelligent story . existenz was a violent  gory and unsettling journey through reality and virtual reality  ending in blood and madness . ', the thirteenth floor ', is somewhere in between . instead of going after the crowds - the action audience ( like the matrix )  or aiming at the horror fans ( like existenz )  ', the thirteenth floor ', presents a more intelligent plot  witch will provide a less entertaining and more serious experience  that the true science fiction lovers will find rewarding . in a near future . . . on the thirteenth floor of a classified building  a genius scientist  hannon fuller  has created a simulated world  his personal dreamworld  where every inhabitant is a complex  selflearning program that only believes it is real . right after the first testing of this world  fuller ( ) is found murdered . douglas hall ( )  his closest friend and business partner  immediately becomes the prime suspect and must enter through the thirteenth floor in search of the truth . a beautiful woman ( gretchen mol ) who suddenly appears on the scene may hold the key to the mystery  which might unravel the horrifying truth about his own existence . the first " download into simulation " is impressive . it is the creator ', s first visit to his world  his creation . in order to enter this virtual universe  you have to take over someone ', s identity  become another person . this is called conciseness transfer  and this is part of the tragedy in the film : people " wake up " in unknown places and strange things start happen . they start to doubt in their own sanity . these innocent people pay for the mistakes of their " users " and creators with their sanity and their lives . it is a frightening reality ; the fact that all the people in the simulation ( the program links ) are living out their lives  oblivious  not knowing that they are puppets in someone ', s fantasy . with an appealing ( " blade runner " - type ) of detective story  this film presents the beauty and possibilities of virtual reality and the lurking danger that is always present . our modern world is metal and glass -- cold  unfriendly  impersonal . the thirties are different -- colorful  beautiful  elegant  virile . this contrast demonstrates a wish for change . virtual reality is here portrayed as a magical  enchanting power that seduces you into its endless possibilities . to some it is just a journey to their personal paradise  to some a personal playground -- a life without any consequences . for others - a way to start over and " correct " their mistakes  by living in an illusion of their past . virtual reality is a wizard that transforms your hopes  dreams and fantasies to life . at least that ', s how it is all beginning . but when you ', re waking up from your dream  the real world seems worthless and unreal and all you can think off is returning to your personal paradise . this  almost narcotic effect  soon turns into confusion and ultimately madness . some important and interesting philosophical questions are raised -- what is real ? what is thought ? who are we ? if these were answered  this film would be the greatest science fiction ever made . they are off course not answered  but posed in an intelligent manner . the visual aspect of the film is one of the key elements  since it portrays the contrast between these computer - simulated universes . kirk m . petrucelli has done a marvelous job with the recreation of the thirties with its glamour  grace and color ; and setting this world in opposition to our own -- an almost caricatured recreation of the nineties . there are some honest and decent performances by an almost unknown cast and harald klose ', s moody musical score that is at in right place at the right time . a rather unusual thing about ', the thirteenth floor ', is the almost complete lack of special effects . there are no cgi animated creatures  no bullets in slow motion . this is a more philosophical approach  reminding about the european way of filmmaking . this is off course a major disappointment to the audience that is used to endless gunfights and mutated amphibians  but the more serious science fiction buffs and ', dark city "'-", fans will be pleased . this film is interesting and inspiring . it has everything existenz doesn ', t  but it lacks the immediacy and intensity of the matrix . and then there is a happy end which  like in ', dark city ',  completely alienates it from the rest of the story and context . the plot itself is not as original as the filmmakers want us to think  since they have virtually sucked out all information from the best science fiction classics  including blade runner and ', dark city ', . with this in mind  ', the thirteenth floor ', doesn ', t make an oscar candidate or a film that will be remembered a year from now  yet this is a beautiful  elegant and intelligent take on virtual reality .
pos i don ', t know what movie the critics saw  but it wasn ', t this one . the popular consensus among newspaper critics was that this movie is unfunny and dreadfully boring . in my personal opinion  they couldn ', t be more wrong . if you were expecting airplane ! - like laughs and agatha christie - intense mystery  then yes  this movie would be a disappointment . however  if you ', re just looking for an enjoyable movie and a good time  this is one to see . honest  it is . this story is about a 4th network  wbn  taking to america ', s airwaves in 1939 . penny henderson ( mary stuart masterson )  the station owner ', s secretary  must deal with her overbearing boss  an unimpressed sponsor and writers ready to quite on a moment ', s notice  partly due to the fact that they haven ', t been paid in weeks . among the mayhem  she must also deal with her soon - to - be ex - husband  roger ( brian benben ) who desperately wants her back . unfortunately  her problems only get worse as the night goes on and the body count rises without explanation . while trying to woo penny back  roger must deal with the police and try to find the killer that lurks at wbn . mary stuart masterson does well in her role as penny ( i ', m trying to be unbiased so i won ', t tell you how amazing she looked )  although brian benben gets most of the screen time . along with the two leads  are several recognizable faces  including corbin bernsen ( l . a . law )  michael mckean ( laverne & shirley ) and bobcat goldthwait . the special effects are amazing  and fooled me ( which some may argue isn ', t very difficult to do ) in many scenes . although the movie sometimes goes overboard with the physical comedy  it more than makes up for those mistakes throughout the movie . overall  i gave it  or an  depending on what system you use . some comments collected from friends :
pos it was with great trepidation that i approached + mary +  the farrelly brothers + latest film . i knew the film would be funny -- the trailer alone had me laugh harder than the actual comedy i went to see . but i also knew the film would be an equal - opportunity offender  attacking the sensibilities of the politically correct with reckless abandon . i figured the film would be raunchy  maybe another lucky escapee from nc - 17 hell . i may laugh  but would i feel better in the morning ? i needn + t have worried . + mary + is the sweetest  warmest  all - out laugh - and - grossfest this side of _animal house_ . surprisingly  the farrelly brothers have walked that very tight line of making a touching romantic comedy on the side  and filling the details with five or six outrageous howlers . they make laughter  the toughest job for a filmmaker to do  look easy . the plot is typical . thirteen years ago  geeky ted ( ben stiller ) lucked out in having dazzling mary ( cameron diaz ) go with him to the senior prom . as luck would have it  on that very day  he was hospitalized . why  i shall not tell  but i assure you  it isn + t pretty . he hires a private investigator to find her : pat healy ( matt dillon ) . he becomes one of the great comic villains . upon finding her  he too is lovestruck  and so pursues her  lying about his occupation and getting his teeth capped . it is only a matter of time before ted finds out that he had been double - crossed  and goes to get her for himself . would the geek get the girl ? puh - lease . the ending is pure hollywood ; no surprises there . but the absolute joy in this film is how this simple premise allows for humor in zippers  hair gel  the mentally disabled  the physically handicapped  interracial marriages  homosexuals  skin conditions  serial killers  tanning  and drugged - up dogs . the dog on speed sequence alone is worth the price of admission  and belongs in the film comedy hall of fame . and yet  for all the targets that are hit  the film maintains its sweet tone . mary  playing the straight role  is as sweet and caring as she is beautiful . she is totally devoted to caring for her mentally handicapped brother  warren ( w . earl brown -- miles away from the cameraman in _scream_ ) . mary + s sunniness carries the film here -- it compliments the below - belt gags that come at you . cameron diaz makes her totally charming  and the audience respects her  even though women in general do not usually undress before an open window . ben stiller also fares very well  totally changing his image from his _reality bites_ and _flirting with disaster_ straight men to being a  ( how to say it ? )  a complete loser . braces  greasy long hair  not too bright  and very very funny . dillon is exceptionally creepy  especially with his capped teeth . and rounding out the cast is ted + s friend dom ( chris elliot )  tanning addict magda ( lin shaye )  modern troubador / greek chorus ron lichman  and mary + s sweet mom  markie post ( where has she been ? ! ) . not everything works . chris elliot + s role  skin blemishes and all  becomes merely tasteless and boring . there + s lousy dialogue about eight - minute vs . seven minute exercise tapes . and there are long stretches without much going on . but the wait is worth it . when those extraordinary sequences hit  the entire theater erupted with howls  tears . belly - aches  that in some sequences carried over to the following scene . the farrelly brothers have finally done it . yes  there are some raunchy bits  but when it is all over  it + s not nearly as bad as it could have been . while tasteless  it didn + t cross any lines  at least not with me . while raunchy  it wasn + t nearly as bad as _porky + s_ or _boogie nights_ . and it is sweet enough to be considered a date flick . after the funny but sour _kingpin_ left a negative aftertaste in my palate  comes the funniest sex farce since _a fish called wanda_ . approach this with an open mind  and you will reap the benefits hugely .
pos a standoff . a man holds a woman  a diplomat ', s daughter  hostage in his embrace  a gun pressed to her head . a cop  impaired by drink due to his wife ', s philandering  trains his gun on the man ', s nether regions  threatening to shoot . another cop holds his gun to his partner ', s temple  forcing him to disarm . the scene unfolds like a foursome bidding in bridge -- upping the ante  signaling tacitly  going for game . the second cop retrieves the first cop ', s weapon  the suspect lowers his  and the woman caught in the middle moves -- in slow motion -- to safety . it is then that the intoxicated officer makes his move  grabbing for the assailant ', s gun . the room turns upside down  a shot rings out  a cop is down . shot in the back and paralyzed for life . the young man who found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time is sent to prison for six years for a crime he didn ', t commit . storytelling has always been one of pedro almod ? var ', s greatest gifts and in " live flesh " he gives us a twisting  turning  compelling tale peppered with well - written  colorful characters . characters who find themselves  more often than not  in carefully - constructed scenes like these . characters played by actors we might not know  but who look strikingly familiar nevertheless . take the ruggedly handsome victor plaza ( liberto rabal )  for instance . before he gets out of prison he could easily be mistaken for that almod ? var favorite  antonio banderas . when we first meet elena ( francesca neri )  the woman in the middle of the nervous shakedown  she looks like spice girl barbie with her frizzy shock of orange hair  but later tones down her look sufficiently to pass for juliette lewis . elena ', s husband david ( javier bardem ) is the cop crippled in the shooting and he wears david schwimmer ', s bemused expression throughout . playing the inebriated cop and his cheating wife are jos ? sancho and angela molina -- no lookalikes spring to mind  but they round out the excellent cast . it ', s a credit to almod ? var ', s craft that these five individuals cross paths and intertwine with such credulity . " live flesh " begins and ends with a live birth and the film ', s contradictions come almost as often as the contractions . between the two childbearings  coincidence  irony  and a hefty dollop of sex form the key elements of this thoroughly entertaining film . although based on a ruth rendell story  " live flesh " is brimming with the acclaimed spanish director ', s high - heeled flourishes . women are at times alluring and repulsive  their extravagant hairdos and animal print coats providing colorful highlights to the intricately - woven drama  an eye bruised by an abusive husband here  a mouth bloodied by an impromptu delivery there . while in prison  victor learns bulgarian from an inmate and learns to love the bible  quoting from deuteronomy thereafter not unlike the way by which david and sancho refer to themselves as " guardians of a sick flock . " victor ', s pre - fab inheritance is a shambles in a slum resembling sarajevo . " dear son  i got cancer " his mother writes to him in jail . she dies before he is released and it ', s at the cemetery that victor is reacquainted with elena -- redemption  ultimately  substituting for revenge .
pos with stars like sigourney weaver ( " alien " trilogy ) and academy award winner holly hunter ( the piano  raising arizona  etc . ) together in a single hollywood production  one would immediately identify the film as a potential academy award hot shot . sadly for copycat  though tightly scripted and nicely plot  is still at heart  a typical hollywood thriller . helen ( weaver )  after a traumatic near death encounter with a serial killer  darryl ( harry connick jr . )  has developed a phobia for being outdoors  so to speak . incidentally  helen is also an expert on the subject of serial killers  which make her a juicy target for serial killer wannabes . a year has passed and strange deaths begin to terrorise the city of san francisco . detective monahan ( hunter ) and getz ( mulroney )  baffled by the unorthodox methods of killing used by the killer  seeks the professional help of helen  who  as expected was reluctant at first . copycat " borrows " a lot from silence of the lambs and in most cases  it did work . but copycat tries to be a little bit more by immersing the audience into the lives of its main characters to give them more believability  this was rather unnecessary as the scenes seem to disrupt the mood of the entire film and also . . . much of the time wasted could ', ve been used to build up the suspense and injected with drama . even so  weaver and hunter act very well in their own departments . . . weaver being the vulnerable yet strong - within character ( as in aliens ) and hunter being the short  tough  texan speaking cop ( as in raising arizona ) . harry connick jr .  a very good jazz singer  shines as the imprisoned serial killer a la hannibal lecter . which comes to the moment of judgement ( drum roll please . . . ) . copycat is a good thriller . although the plot is highly predictable and one can actually predict the rest of the movie after about 45 minutes into the show  copycat survives from the moments of anticipation where the audience are held on to their seats  in anticipation of the killers next immediate move . this worked pretty well and will offer audiences a couple of unexpected jolts . nice movie to bring your girlfriend to . . . .
pos no  it is not a bad film  in fact it is so good in achieving its purpose  i actually wished for the film to end itself quickly . event horizon is not your run - of - the - mill sci - fi film  i ', m sure many who have watched this will agree with me . it is not even original in that sense  and it does borrow heavily from films like alien  hellraiser and even blade runner . the magic of this film lies in its unorthodox setting and methodical build - up that makes it wonderfully horrifying . the story brings us to the year 2050  where space travel have since enormously progressed . the event horizon is actually a ship built for a secret experimental purpose ; it has the ability to fold time and space thus making it possible for travelling distances not reachable in a man ', s lifetime . the ship disappeared as soon as it went into operation but after 7 years  it reappeared again within the orbit of neptune . a search and rescue team led by miller ( fishburne ) is given the task to check for survivors of the event horizon . the designer of the ship  dr . weir ( neill ) follows along to satisfy his curiosity on what actually happened to his otherwise technologically impressive ship . event horizon is a sci - fi horror film  much truer to the word than say  alien would ever be . while in alien  the crew has to cope with a ferocious creature while encased within tight spaces  in event horizon  the forces which goes against the crew is undefined but yet so powerful and horrifying . the story unfolds itself slowly and the suspense buildup is superb  up till the point where i really felt like saying out loud ` enough ! i can ', t stand this anymore ! ', . there are more than enough jolts to send your adrenalin pumping overtime . the story in itself is not exactly something very exciting and also  the acting is only at most  average by most commercial standards . even so  the essence of horror is carried out very well in this film  thanks to its well - paced storytelling  disturbing set designs and some really gory sequences ( which incidentally  has been quite generously removed by our censorship board ) . director paul anderson ( who did mortal kombat ) and his team of ` atmosphere ', creators have done well in keeping event horizon within the bounds of the term ` horror ', . this picture did not do very well in the us box - office most probably for the dread - factor impact it has on most audiences ; people will not see it again and not many would recommend their friend to watch this . although on the face of it  event horizon is mostly molded for mass - entertainment ; many thrills  spills and suspense to keep audiences in focus . however  the offbeat horror element which it ultimately convey audiences is very disturbing . my friend and i could not say a word to each other for quite a while after going through the ` experience ', of event horizon . i guess it was just the immense feeling of dread which the film had cast upon us . be forewarned  this film is not for the faint - hearted nor for pure entertainment . be prepared to be disturbed if you should decide to watch this film ! event horizon is highly recommended ? ? but at your own risk ! it has been a long time since good - horror embraced the big screen  and event horizon is one .
pos capsule : earthy  experimental  difficult  shockingly frank ( even for 1997 ! )  and ultimately refreshing story of a black man on the run from the cops . the first few minutes of sweet sweetback ', s baad asssss song ( yes  i checked -- that ', s the correct number of ss ) are without dialogue  just eerie montages of sounds . a young boy  obviously malnourished  is taken in and fed up by several loving mother - surrogate figures . then one of them takes the boy to bed for a sexual initation ( underneath the title credits ) that ', s far more confrontatory and shocking than any ten basic instincts -- probably because it has the directness and clumsiness of real life  something we ', re not used to seeing on screen . this is one tough movie to swallow  no matter who you are  but that probably reflects more on how pallid and unchallenging movies have gotten lately . ( i suspect the sex scenes in movies like el topo and salo would probably melt the synapses of most modern audiences . ) the plot is simple but not simpleminded . sweetback  hassled by two white cops who are apparently just looking for an excuse to beat up on a black man  breaks his bonds and runs like hell . along the way he moves through a good many of the kinds of environments that we are only just now being seen in a more serious light in the movies -- or at all  for that matter : the slums  the missions  the ghetto . in other  lesser  movies  sweetback would be machine - gunning everything in sight and the end credits would roll over a pile of bodies ; in this one  we get taken on a kind of a tour of the depressing and anarchic world that sweetback takes for granted . ssbas first appeared in 1971 and was promptly rated x ( " by an all - white jury "  as director melvin van peebles crowed in his legendary ad campaigns )  and it ', s hardly surprising why . there ', s a good deal of sex in the movie  but it ', s handled in a way that ', s unsettlingly frank -- a frankness that spills over into the rest of the movie . in one scene  sweetback visits a friend ', s house in the hope of getting sanctuary there  and the other man chats him up while on the toilet . we ', re not used to coming this close to people in real life  let alone in the movies -- especially not people who are not made out to be glamorous . the movie is also full of experimental stylistics that are relatively unused today  but probably because of that seem curiously fresh and new in van peebles ', hands . one scene  in which a man is interrogated by the cops  is loaded full of menacing energy as they fire off a gun inches from his ears  and suggest his deafness through a cleverly edited soundtrack . another note : ssbas is not so much anti - white ( that would be too easy ) as anti - authority  and as the movie goes on to demonstrate  authority exists in many forms -- governments  churches  and even the paranoid inside of one ', s own mind . ssbas is ultimately about thirsting for freedom -- and it looks like we could use a little more of that in our movie diet  god knows .
pos a fully loaded entertainment review - website coming in july ! i didn ', t really expect very much when i rented stuart saves his family . the movie bombed at the box office  and i had never really liked the saturday night live sketch on which the movie was based . my real concern  though  was the general reputation of snl - related movies translating to the big screen with less - than - stellar results ( half - baked  anyone ? ) i was surprised to discover a truly entertaining  often hilarious yet also touching little film . it is an al franken production through - and - through  who not only created the title character but also wrote and starred in the picture . for those of you who don ', t know  al franken plays a guy named stuart smalley  who has a really annoying show on a public - access station about increasing your self - esteem  etc . although not a licensed therapist  stuart smalley is  as the program proudly boasts  " a graduate of several 12 - step programs . " stuart is doing well enough with his tv show  but he keeps getting distracted by family troubles . stuart ', s relatives are a mess : his dad and brother ( harris yulin and vincent d ', onofrio  respectively ) are alcoholics  his sister is overweight and getting over another divorce  and his mom is in constant self - denial and solves all perceived problems by baking . then  disaster strikes . stuart accidentally insults the manager of the station and gets his show revoked . he is forced to move back in with his family after he can no longer support himself  and there the comedy truly picks up . franken wrote all of the characters not just as cliches or stereotypes  but as sharply - drawn  real people . although smalley ', s dad has always imbibed too much  stuart can still recall times when his father seemed like an okay guy . also  after an accident towards the end of the movie  both stuart and the audience learn that there is more to his mother than previously thought . although filled with small  very funny scenes  stuart saves his family also has its share of dramatic moments  especially towards the conclusion . for a lightweight comedy  it handles these scenes especially well  often better than many so - called " serious dramas " of today . all the more amazing is that such a movie comes from a saturday night live sketch that is essentially a one - joke bit . if you feel like renting a comedy  and you haven ', t seen this film  i definitely recommend you try this one out . you ', ll laugh . . . you ', ll cry . . . . it ', s all there .
pos " oh my god  i sounded just like a mother ! " mrs . pascal  played with devilish wickedness by genevieve bujold  tells her son . " didn ', t i sound just like a mother ? " " you are a mother  " her son marty tells her disgustedly . " i know  but i still can ', t believe it . i look at you people and wonder  how did you ever fit in my womb ? " marty  you see  is a grown - up twin . although his sister  who thinks she is jackie - o  is certifiably insane  marty fits right in with the rest of this highly dysfunctional family in the witty black comedy the house of yes . mother and daughter  played in a brilliant performance by parker posey  are both varying degrees of wacko . most dysfunctional families in the movies are more angry and mean - spirited than diabolically abnormal as this one is . the daughter ', s fantasy of being jackie - o is probably the most sane part of her being . mrs . pascal is the sort that will not let jackie - o keep a hairbrush downstairs since food is kept on that level . she explains to marty ', s new fiancee  lesly ( tori spelling )  soon after their first meeting that jackie - o was holding marty ', s private part when she came out of the womb . the dialog by wendy macleod  based on the play by mark waters  is so sharp and biting that it seems in danger of cutting through the celluloid at any moment . the script  reminiscent of a david mamet play  flows smoothly with its fast paced intelligence and mesmerizing set of bizarre characters . the exaggerated setup has lesly and marty arriving at the family ', s out of the way mansion during a thanksgiving day hurricane . in this storm are two sane individuals . the fiancee is a giddy  school - girl type  embarrassed by everything  a complete contrast to her rival jackie - o ', s bitter pseudo - sophistication . as the two twins ', younger brother  anthony  freddie prinze jr . plays the all - america boy type whose only foible is his explicit obsession of bedding his brother ', s fiancee that night . " we all have our secrets  " jackie - o tells her potential sister - in - law  and boy  does she have a few . this is a house filled with them . ( when lesly calls it the family ', s " home " to mrs . pascal -- they ', ve never had a visitor before lesly -- mrs . pascal becomes discombobulated until she realizes that lesly is talking about their " house . " ) in a film that gives new meaning to the phrase  " made for each other  " the twin ', s biggest  but not their only secret  is that they ', ve had a long - term incestuous relationship . they don ', t like to discuss it  although they are not particularly ashamed of it . perfect for viewers who can appreciate perverse comedy  this story never pulls its punches . jackie - o tries in many ways  few subtle  to show that she is a better match for marty than that ditzy fiancee of his . in one scene marty and lesly are playing chop sticks together on the piano when jackie - o pushes her aside and starts playing a challenging classical piece for four hands . marty joins her as his fiancee looks on with envy . the chemistry between parker posey and josh hamilton is nothing short of amazing . they put down their little brother and most of the other sane people in the world . their ripostes are engaging filmmaking at its best . director mark waters keeps the show ', s energy level high and lets the leads sling zingers at each other at a furious pace . his crisp direction ensures the movie has nary an ounce of fat on it . jackie - o is temperamentally incapable of being nice . and being jealous  she cuts lesly down mercilessly . " were you poor ? " jackie - o asks her when she finds that lesly committed the crime of growing up impoverished . " did you eat pies ? chicken pot pies ? " " pancakes actually  lots of pancakes  " lesly replies with her usual sincerity . " a donut king  so is she like the queen ?  " jackie - o cattily inquires of marty when she learns that lesly works at a donut king . " are we entertaining royalty ? " with rolfe kent ', s whimsically sinister music it never seems clear where the story is headed . will it end in a big emotional explosion  a murder  people slowly cutting each other up with words  a familial catharsis  a weather disaster or what ? the emotionally charged play is clearly going somewhere  and the engaging characters captivate the audience with their spell . i ', ll not say more except that the ending is perfect and a bit of a surprise . the house of yes runs a blazing fast 1 : 25 . it is rated r for sexual situations and conversations  mature themes  violent overtones and some profanity . the movie would be fine for older and mature teenagers  i . e .  treat the movie as it were rated nc - 17 .
pos i don ', t know how many other people have had the idea cross their mind that their life could be an ongoing television show watched by another world of people  but it ', s something i used to wonder about when i was younger . i can ', t decide if i first thought it because i watched a lot of tv or because my brother hit me in the head with a baseball bat  but i ', m pretty sure andrew niccol  screenwriter for the truman show  has had the same curious thought . the truman show is about a man ( jim carrey ) whose entire life has been engineered by a corporation and marketed to the public . since birth  he ', s been living in the fictional island town of seahaven  fla .  which actually exists as a giant domed set just beyond the hollywood sign . all the people in truman burbank ', s life are actors  and the anonymous townfolk paid extras . people watch truman ', s life 24 hours a day  live  with no commercial interruptions . revenue comes instead from product placement  a staple of contemporary hollywood  with truman ', s friends and relatives describing their consumer items in cheerful and optimistic tones . the sun rises and sets on cue and everyone likes everyone else . even if you haven ', t seen the truman show  you ', ve probably learned most of the crucial details from the commercials  the trailer and other promotion blitzes . if anything i ', ve written so far is a surprise to you  then i pity you for making me a primary source for your entertainment news . either way  you should probably know the premise of the truman show going into it  because otherwise you ', ll probably think it sucks . it begins with jim carrey looking into a mirror  reciting the crucial " eat me " scene from alive  wishing his neighbors a good day  afternoon and evening  and living in domestic bliss with his wife ( laura linney ) . but weird things start happening . a stage light comes falling out of the sky  truman hears people tracking his movements on the radio and he swears he sees his dead father . we learn through a flashback that his father drowned when truman was a child  sailing through a rainstorm . the death was staged by director christof ( ed harris )  who wanted to put a fear of water into truman to keep him from leaving the island . similar cruel manipulations keep him from stumbling upon the truth  not the least of them truman ', s best friend marlon ( noah emmerich )  who assures him he ', s not in on any conspiracy because the last thing he ', d ever do is hurt him . as truman ', s trusting eyes tear over  christof fades up emotional synthesizer music for a worldwide audience of people who apparently never watch anything else . there ', s even a daily behind - the - scenes update from harry shearer that captures the highlights of truman ', s existence . the key to a movie like this is in finding the right balance between humor and drama  because a premise like this has its obvious implications in both directions . and it all hinges on carrey  who has to balance comic naivet with a real sense of longing and drive to find out what the hell is going on . he ', s come a long way from talking butt cheeks in ace ventura . most fundamentally  it ', s just plain interesting to follow along as director peter weir shows us just how they can capture a person ', s life without the person realizing it -- how they coordinate extras  hide cameras and feed automatic lines to actors . the most interesting thing about the truman show is that most of us can probably imagine some ambitious director pitching a show like this . sure  the most interesting tv genre of the ', 90s has been reality programming and jerry springer ', s popularity is through the roof  but those people deserve to be humiliated for turning their intimate details over to the airwaves . and when news shows use hidden cameras  it ', s done in the name of the greater good  not entertainment . but merge the two and you ', ve got the truman show . right now  it ', s implausible -- i mean  the fcc won ', t let you say the s - word on the air ; do you think they ', d let you broadcast every detail of a man ', s life to the entire world without his consent ? one day  though  it could happen . and  even though it would mean the end of privacy  people would eat it up . you know they would .
pos no filmmaker deconstructs a story as well as atom egoyan . i ', m referring  specifically  to the narrative form . in the sweet hereafter  egoyan tells his story in a similar framework to his exotica or the adjuster . said story  of a fatal school bus accident in the small town of sam dent  british columbia  that shatters the morale of the locals  is told in a most unstraightforward manner . when the film opens  the accident has already happened  and stephens ( the wonderful holm )  a polite ambulance - chaser  has arrived with the promise of a lawsuit that will eek out the truth of what really occurred that fateful morning . throughout  we get to meet the parents of the dead  broken souls who follow stephens like " the pied piper " ( passages of which are read during the film ) . but there is one living passenger  the paralyzed nicole ( polley )  whose dark secrets of a life before the accident may affect her decision to testify . we finally do see the accident  about three quarters into the film  which is a stunning visual effect . a horrific long take that shows the bus sliding  then stopping  then collapsing into a frozen lake  is the best digital trickery in any movie this year and  perhaps  ever  in a motion picture . the fractured narrative also intercuts a preoccupied stephens on an airplane  traveling to meet his hiv - positive runaway daughter  as well as glimpses of the artificially happy lives these people led pre - accident . i have a problem not with the story or story structure  but with egoyan ', s heavy - handedness behind the camera . for the first hour or so  i can quite honestly say i was on the verge of tears ; these are miserable  miserable people . but that ', s just the problem : so anguished are these folk that sympathy wanes after a while  when a lot of sadness becomes too much . also  a subplot involving incest rings untrue . perhaps it wouldn ', t feel so contrived if it weren ', t shot in such a tasteful manner . there are two characters who are father and daughter ; when they first appeared i thought they were lovers . i was half - right . nevertheless it ', s worth - seeing . the delightful critic geoff pevere recently wrote that " american films are about action  canadian films are about consequences  " hence a recent wave of films about the effects of shock and death from toronto directors  including crash and kissed . the sweet hereafter is much better than either of these two films  simply because it ', s not boring or  in the case of kissed  afraid of its own material ( necrophilia ) . egoyan is a fine  fine  postmodern storyteller  whose work is entertaining  edgy and smart  if a bit too intellectual at times . though i harped on the weightiness of the material  i was always absorbed  engrossed  and surprised by the sweet hereafter .
pos i know what i would do with $ 4 . 4 million if i found it in a previously undiscovered airplane crash site  especially if i were with jacob and lou . ( huh ? ) well  in any event  that is the situation hank ( paxton ) finds himself in . he and his dim - witted brother jacob ( thorton ) and tubby friend lou ( brent briscoe ) come upon a large bag of cash inside a plane wreck . against his better judgement  hank decides to go along with the idea of keeping it rather than going to the authorities . the rest of the film is a question of who is going to die to keep this a secret  and is it worth it ? a simple wish lies along the lines of very bad things  clay pigeons and even fargo  and is kind of wrapped all into one little dark bundle . oh  and its much better than any of those . sam raimi took a departure from his normal freak - show horror - monkey films and made this stylish and intriguing picture . he really lets the audience sit back and watch the events unfold rather than force them down our throats as many directors prefer to do . i think raimi knew he had a winner on his hands and decided to direct the picture on a natural flowing course . one of the film ', s components can be linked to a recurring theme in terrence malick ', s the thin red line . in malick ', s three hour bore - a - thon  he makes an interesting attempt to link mother earth to his war story . it seemed nothing more than an occasional pretty cut to a field of flowing grass  a small bird  or a flowing body of water . sure  there were obvious metaphorical connections  but there was no subtlty to his efforts . raimi does a fine job of tying in a fox in a chicken coop and birds of prey to signify the future of the characters . i think most viewers may miss the comparison  but it is a very intriguing ingredient in the film . and then there ', s billy bob thorton  who is proof that the independent film industry is vital to the life blood of hollywood . if it can continute to produce people like thorton  hollywood will be ok . he gives a fantastic and devastatingly deep performance here . it is not as engrossing as his carl childers character in slingblade  but is is just as complex  if not more so . jacob is slow and simple  and yet we so often see him deep in thought . i wondered if he was thinking about things that he would never say ( or didn ', t know how to say ) or if he was just taking a long time to think about the thing he just said . here he really proves his worth as one of the best character actors in the industry . though the plot is somewhat unoriginal  it has a very appealing new twist in its characters . paxton gives one of the better performances of his career as the straight and serious leader of the group ( a far cry from chet in wierd science ) . perhaps bridget fonda is miscast as his advice - giving wife  but she certainly doesn ', t do anything ruin the picture . a simple plan can be included in the group of recent small hollywood films that is just dark and pretty un - redeeming . but at least this one has an important message  unlike so many of its counterparts .
pos i saw simon birch in a basically sold out theater  on a sunday afternoon . when the movie was over and the audience was exiting  i didn ', t hear one negative comment  and i didn ', t have any to offer . simon birch is primarily about the friendship of two twelve year old boys  simon ( ian michael smith ) and joe ( joseph mazzello )  and what destiny holds for both of them . simon is a dwarf  who was not supposed to last through the night after birth due to a weak heart . surprisingly  he does  and now constantly reminds everyone that he is a living miracle . simon thinks god has a plan for him  a purpose for his life  and his condition  he just doesn ', t know what . joe is an illegitimate child ( referred to both comically and dramatically throughout the film as a bastard )  who ', s mom ( ashley judd ) won ', t tell him who his father is . simon has more than just dwarfism as a problem  the people in the town don ', t really like him  because he isn ', t " natural " . even his own parents don ', t care about him  and are disappointed they didn ', t have a " normal " son . he is also harassed in church by the local pastor  rev . russell ( david strathairn ) and simon ', s chain smoking sunday school teacher played by jan hooks . the only person  other than joe  that really cares for simon is joe ', s mom  who he also looks up to as a mother . it would be just simon ', s luck  that he would accidentally kills joe ', s mom  something you are told at the beginning of the movie . joe  now motherless as well as fatherless  feels the need to find out who his real father is . with the help of ben ( oliver platt )  the local drama teacher and joe ', s mom ', s current boyfriend ( before her death )  he will attempt to locate his dad and get in a little trouble on the way . most of this trouble is laugh out loud funny  although not all of it is . simon will also look for god ', s plan for him  although he loses a little faith along the way . starring in the first ( and last ) five minutes of the film is hollywood ', s newest dramatic actor  jim carrey . jim plays the adult version of joe and does a impressive job starting the film off  and then tying it up just right . this is the first character jim has played that is not over the top in anyway  and he does a commendable job . simon birch is written and directed by mark steven johnson  this is his first film as director  but he has written several films  including the grumpy old men series . he does an outstanding writing and directing job here  the film ', s structure is flawless and its flows together perfectly . the dialog goes from extremely funny to morose without missing a beat . the cast is excellent . joseph mazzello gives the stand out performance . joseph is outstanding for someone of any age  not alone someone who just turned 15 . ian michael smith  in his film debut  has such a strong physical presence that you believe he is simon without any hesitation . other great performances are turned in by the rest of the supporting cast . i loved this movie  it is far and away one of the best films i have seen all year . take your whole family to see simon birch  it is a magnificent film - an american masterpiece .
pos the saint was actually a little better than i expected it to be  in some ways . in this theatrical remake of the television series the saint  and its series sequel the return of the saint  val kilmer plays simon templar  an elusive thief who makes a living by stealing things from others for others . this movie closely resembles a james bond flick . it has the classic bond symbols : a man who can do just about anything and get away with it  a woman whom the man persues  a villain out to achieve something for himself who kills anyone to reach this goal . kilmer actually provides a rather good role in this movie  although at times you are left to ponder how he actually gets out of the many tight situations . the movie begins in his childhood in a strict school run by catholic priests . as a young boy  kilmer ', s character enjoyed magic and would often journey away from his schoolwork . that is until his school teacher finds him reading a book and demands that the young boy proclaim his name  that of a catholic saint . he refuses to do so and instead announces who he wishes to be . this leads to a devestating mistake  which is something that will stay in his mind throughout his life . kilmer ', s first mission that we are shown is to steal a microchip from ivan tretiak  played by rade serbedzija . during a press conference  he must make his way into a heavily guarded vault area  avoiding guards  cameras  and many other potential obstacles . once his mission is completed and he is safely home  the fee is paid . when he logs into his bank account and finds that he is only a few million dollars short of $ 50 million  he decides to carry out only one more mission  then retire . dr . emma russell  portrayed by elisabeth shue  has discovered a way to produce energy by way of cold fusion . this new advancement would change the world and save thousands of lives in the areas of russia  where millions are without heat and are freezing to death . the only problem is  tretiak would like to have this for himself and use it to gain power amongst the people . this presents the option for kilmer to achieve his goal . tretiak hires him to steal the equations  small pieces of paper  from shue . one of the enjoyable features in the film is the disguises that kilmer dawns to complete his missions . they are very convincing  not only to the characters in the movie  but to us . kilmer utilizes one such disguise to lure shue ', s character into getting to know him even more  which would provide him a means of stealing the energy formula . when the two meet  and end up having a sensual experience  kilmer ', s character is seemingly falling in love with emma russell  as she is falling in love with kilmer ', s alter - ego  a traveling artist . yet  he must reach his goal of $ 50 million  which requires him to steal the energy formula  putting his feelings aside . shue ', s character is eventually able to track down simon templar by putting the pieces ( the names of the catholic saints ) together  something no one else is able to do . when she finds him  they are left to team up and reclaim the energy formulas from tretiak . the saint is very action - packed  with few slow points . the sound was very well done and added to the many intense moments . along the course of the movie  there are even a few  although brief moments of comedy . these moments are almost always thanks to kilmer ', s extraneous  very convincing disguises and personalities . all in all  a rather enjoyable movie with nearly non - stop action .
pos the thirteenth floor  the third in what i would call " the reality check movie series "  is very similar to the other reality check movies released this year  the matrix and existenz . all three made you think  made you wonder what is real  what isn ', t  and if our world is just a huge game . the thirteenth floor doesn ', t reach the level of originality  creativity  and curiosity sparked by the matrix and existenz  but it certainly gives a great shot at it . in the matrix  we were told that the humans are simply a virus . in existenz  we learned that our life could be just a game . in the thirteenth floor  we learn that we are just electronic devices  living under another world of electronic devices . there is just one world on top of another  and everything in them are fake and electronically generated . the thirteenth floor took a huge  risky turn that i didn ', t expect it to take  and i ', m not very sure it was such a great turn to make . rather than focusing just on the reality parts of the film  the thirteenth floor becomes a murder mystery that ends up tying in with the different worlds . after the mysterious murder of computer program designer hammond fuller  played by armin mueller - stahl  douglas hall  played by craig bierko  a man that worked under fuller for many years  must travel through an electronic computer device that fuller was using  to the year 1937  which consists of computer generated characters only . the simulation of 1937 is just like it was back in the olden days . all of the people involved are just characters  or are they ? douglas strongly believes that a character traveled through the transport from their world to ours  and killed fuller . along the way  douglas interacts with many different potential suspects  and a woman who claims to be the daughter of fuller  jane fuller  played wonderfully by a talented young actress  gretchen mol . the thirteenth floor is a plot driven movie from the time the film gets going  and doesn ', t use spectacular special effects and big sound to keep the viewer ', s interests . i was worried that this film would be too much like the matrix and existenz  and i wouldn ', t enjoy it  but there were enough twists and turns to keep me thinking and attentive to the film . unfortunately  many potential would have been great scenes were thrown away with predictable content  letting the viewer know the outcome of the scene long before it happened . the scenes that aren ', t original or interesting seem to go absolutely nowhere  leaving you wondering  " what is the point of this ? " sometimes it was hard to believe that this story  with terrible dialogue  some bad acting  especially from craig bierko  and scenes that go absolutely nowhere  are actually true . i know this isn ', t a true story or anything  but a film should be able to make you think that it is . on the plus side of acting  we get to see the missing from main character action since the film masterpiece shine in 1995 actor  armin mueller - stahl . in the thirteenth floor  he is back and is still giving believable and amazing performances . another plus is gretchen mol ', s realistic performance  creating her character with depth  not just staying in the one - dimensional phase . don ', t expect the intensity of the matrix or existenz to come out of the thirteenth floor  just expect another film that messes with your mind for awhile  and shuts you down like any other movie would . thrills  chills  and spills aren ', t what you will get in this film  but you will just get another trip to send your mind on  scrambling it until you ', ve had enough . the bottom line - let ', s hope this is the last of the " reality check " based movies for awhile .
pos i tried hard not like this movie without succeeding . it contains parts of bringing up baby  any hepburn / tracy film  part of the plot of war games  cary grant and rosalind russell in his girl friday  elevator shaft action  train action  and murder . it is cute  funny  suspenseful ( a little bit )  sexy ( a little bit ) . one of the bad guys was a surprise . the pace is fast enough  there are some " action " scenes . i think that this is a reasonable family summer movie for families with older kids who have already seen maverick . julia roberts and nick nolte are fine separately and together . i really identified with the julia roberts character ( wishful thinking  i know ! )  but i do have better hair ! her hair  a very dull dark brown  has no color . she could use some highlights . they both do fine with their roles : he ', s a bored columnist with the chicago chronicle and she ', s a hotshot " cub " reporter with the chicago globe . they have great fun trying to out scoop each other to solve one case throughout this movie . i like the one story focus . other actors include charles martin smith as roberts ', boss  olympia dukakis as nolte ', s coworker  nora dunn also with the chronicle  and marsha mason as a congresswoman . basically this movie is reasonably fun . there is a serious mystery to solve  and i enjoyed following a fun couple solving the mystery . it is a pleasant change of pace from movies that take themselves seriously . i do give successful comedy high marks .
pos plot : jet li is a chinese cop asked to help some french policemen nab a bad guy . but one thing leads to another  and the next thing you know  li ', s being chased by the same french cops with whom he was supposed to be working . a lot of ass - kicking  face - whippings  gun fights and . . . okay  a little more ass - kicking ensues . critique : very cool ! now here ', s a movie that gives you exactly what you ', re looking for  if what you ', re looking for is kickass action  a palpable good cop / bad cop story line  some hardcore stunts and jet li slam - dunking everyone in sight ! the film also moves fast ( a mere 95 minutes )  develops a certain " cute " chemistry between fonda and li  has nice surroundings ( paris  baby ! ) and gives us one of the best bad guys that i ', ve seen all year . tcheky karyo is the devil incarnate in this film . he is pure evil . they should have called this movie bad lieutenant 2 as keitel has nothing on this man . what a great  great monster ! my favorite line of tcheky ', s was when li was explaining the whole " kiss of the dragon " thing to him and he cut him off by saying " kiss my ass ! " pure action movie poetry . anyway  other than him  jet li also handled his " acting " pretty well in this film  with very little real dialogue to say  but enough to make us believe his character . actually  just looking into the man ', s eyes generally tells you a lot . fonda was also pretty good  despite playing one of the most trashy and abused women that i have seen in quite some time  but i still felt kinda bad for her  so i guess she did her job okay . but in the end  nobody goes to see this kind of movie for oscar performances . we go to see jet li movies because we want to see jet li kicking a lot of ass from side to side  and this film delivers gangbusters on that front . and yes . . . they have no wire - fu in this movie . . . i say again . . . no wire - work  no bullshit stunts with li floating around in mid - air for over a minute . it ', s all straight action  fist to fist  boot to face and all around cool stunts . if that ', s what you ', re looking for  i don ', t see how you will be disappointed with this film . yes  it ', s not very original in plot ( just take luc besson ', s own la femme nikita and mix in plenty of his own the professional et voila ! )  does have an annoying hip - hoppy soundtrack that just got on my nerves after a while ( i also would have gotten rid of the whole acupuncture thang . . . ) and will have anyone not willing to restrain their disbelief  rolling their eyes all over the place . but was i entertained ? thoroughly . does the film feature more gunplay  martial arts and over - the - top kills that most recent action flicks ? yes  again . does this sound interesting to you ? well  the answer to that question is entirely up to you . one thing that i would definitely recommend is  as jet li pointed out himself on his website  that you leave the kids at home for this one . in fact  you might even wanna leave yourself if you can ', t handle the more violent of sequences . all in all  a rippin ',  roarin ', fun time ! where ', s joblo coming from ? black mask ( 5 / 10 ) - blade ( 7 / 10 ) - la femme nikita ( 8 / 10 ) - lethal weapon 4 ( 7 / 10 ) - the matrix ( 8 / 10 ) - the professional ( 9 / 10 ) - romeo must die ( 3 / 10 ) - rush hour ( 7 / 10 ) - shanghai noon ( 6 / 10 )
pos i ', ve never been a member of the robin williams fan club . a little bit of his improvisationaly schtick goes a long way  and i sometimes feel as though i ', m watching a 40 - year - old class clown . in his films  williams has often tried to balance his mania with touchy - feely emotion  leading to wildly uneven performances . mrs . doubtfire seemed ready - made for the same problems  but instead it proves to be williams ', best comic screen project yet . while it still contains some characteristic self - indulgence  mrs . doubtfire is nonetheless an engaging belly - laugh comedy served up with high energy . williams stars as daniel hillard  a cartoon voiceover artist with a penchant for irresponsible behavior . one such incident proves one too many for wife miranda ( sally field )  and she files for a divorce . unemployed  living in a disastrously unkempt apartment and faced with limited time with his three beloved children  daniel decides to respond to miranda ', s ad for an afternoon housekeeper . he turns to his brother frank ( harvey fierstein )  a theatrical makeup artist  and emerges as euphegenia doubtfire  a matronly 65 - year - old englishwoman . daniel uses his access to the house to keep an eye on miranda ', s flirtation with a wealthy client ( pierce brosnan )  to spend time with the children  and to learn something about responsible parenting  all the while trying to keep his identity hidden from the people who know him best . mrs . doubtfire has to overcome a mountain of implausibilities to work  and basically it does so . the most crucial is that no one in the family recognizes daniel  and thanks to the fantastic special makeup that ', s instantly believable . it may be one of the most convincing transformations ever committed to film  making dustin hoffman ', s dorothy michaels look like milton berle . more problematic was a series of calls daniel makes to miranda posing as nannies from hell ; it ', s a bit hard to swallow that she doesn ', t recognize any of the voices as her husband ', s . perhaps the biggest contrivance we ', re asked to swallow is that daniel could make a quick change into mrs . doubtfire in a few minutes . there ', s more to realistic makeup than slapping on a latex mask . fortunately  these are inconsistencies which only attract attention as the credits roll . during the film  i was generally too busy laughing . after getting off to a slow start involving too much of williams ', riffing  mrs . doubtfire kicks into high gear once the wig and pads are in place . daniel ', s frantic attempt to fool a court officer is wonderful  as is the climactic restaurant sequence  even though i saw the resolutions coming a mile away . clearly  most of the credit for doubtfire ', s success goes to robin williams . it took putting him in drag  but for once he plays a comic character that isn ', t just robin williams with a different name . he thoroughly inhabits euphegenia doubtfire  and seems to relish the scenes in which he gets to play her as blunt and foul - mouthed . wisely  he never aims for saintly . his responses to the intrusion of new suitor stu are often petty  but the kind of thing most of us might do with the benefit of anonymity . it ', s one of mrs . doubtfire ', s charms that neither daniel nor miranda is perfect  just people trying to be better . as miranda  sally field is solid in a background role  and pierce brosnan is nicely understated as stu . the children are also good  although mara wilson is almost oppressively cute as the youngest . the supporting players merely step aside and allow williams to do his thing . it ', s easy to see mrs . doubtfire as little more than tootsie warmed over  and it ', s true that there are both broad themes and specific details in common . but mrs . doubtfire manages to carve out its own space  particularly through the surprisingly honest moments involving a judge ', s decision and the ultimate status of daniel and miranda ', s relationship . there ', s nothing dazzlingly new in mrs . doubtfire  but there are plenty of laughs  and good comedies are always in short supply . and it ', s nice to see robin williams just act for a change .
pos weir is well - respected in hollywood for turning scripts with difficult subject - matter into deceptively simple  powerful films  the mosquito coast ( utopia ) and fearless ( post - traumatic stress disorder ) among them . in the truman show  weir essentially breathes life into the now - tired concept of media - manipulation by tackling the material from the inside - out . it certainly helps that he has an underrated performer in top - form playing the title character  truman burbank . by now you must be aware of the premise : unbeknownst to him  truman ( carrey ) is the star of his own tv series  a 24 - 7 peep - show in which he is surrounded by actors and placed in loosely scripted situations ; people around the world tune in for the voyeuristic thrill of his genuine reactions to fictitious stimulants . ` seahaven ',  his hometown  and the show itself  are the brainchild of christof ( harris )  who presides over his creation in the base of a fake moon  directing over 500 cameras and hundreds of actors and extras . for 30 years  truman suspects nothing -` we accept the reality we ', re given  ', poses christof - but a desire to break free of the sunny town and visit a long lost love in ` fiji ', ( mcelhone  who was actually an actress fired by christof for trying to break the confidentiality agreement ) overwhelms him . thus  christof and his team suddenly find themselves working twice as hard to keep the veneer of seahaven intact  lest truman discover the world outside and put an end to the highly - rated program . in a few broad strokes  weir creates a convincing second - reality  and he has the good sense not to bring christof into the picture until almost three - quarters through . this allows us to comprehend and accept truman ', s world before we contextualize it . for all his madness  christof has shown the world a place without violence and hardship  and demonstrated that a human being can function well within it . truman is an inspiration to his audience because he grew up to be  well  so darn nice ; like a sibling ( or  perhaps more appropriately  a caged animal in an interactive zoo )  they want to see him succeed . the surrealistic soap opera is completely plausible thanks to a tight screenplay and a sympathetic carrey - he really is an everyman here  abandoning his facial contortions in favour of a credible  wide - eyed bewilderment . cinematically  the truman show is impeccable  stylishly photographed by peter biziou and littered with symbolic images . as well  it employs wojciech kilar ', s piece " zycie za zycie ', masterfully and beautifully . if the film has any flaws  one may find them in laura linney ', s characterization as meryl  truman ', s " wife " ( i doubt that betty crocker impersonation would fool anyone )  and in a subplot involving truman ', s ` father ',  which feels curiously incomplete . there are a few stupendous sequences  and the film pulls off a wonderful trick : we become truman ', s audience as much as the loyal viewers in the film . they wear buttons asking ` how will it end ? ', i couldn ', t wait to know myself  though i didn ', t exactly want it to end  for this inspired movie is possibly the best - and most complex - summer picture in years .
pos synopsis : it ', s 1977 in a small italian american neighborhood in new york . disco music is popular  and the sexual revolution is on  but the people of new york are not happy . in fact  they ', re terrified . as in spike lee ', s do the right thing a heat wave has the city in its grip  and peoples ', tempers are flaring . the cool of night offers no respite : the neighborhood is being terrorized by a nocturnal psychotic killer who calls himself the son of sam . no one knows who the son of sam is  and no one is safe . all around new york people are different . aside from cultural groupings and ethnic neighborhoods there are differences between individuals . in the italian american section of town a philandering husband named vinny ( john leguizamo ) tries to hide his trysts and sexual behavior from his long suffering newlywed wife dionna ( mira sorvino ) . vinny ', s friend ritchie ( adrien brody ) hates disco  works at a gay strip club and doesn ', t want any of the neighborhood folks to know . ritchie ', s girl ruby ( jennifer esposito ) is trying to escape a reputation as a slut . everyone ', s different  but nobody in the film wants to be framed as " alien " to the community . unfortunately  the killings help create a climate of suspicion pits neighbor against neighbor . opinion : director spike lee ', s summer of sam is not about a psycho killer . nor is it about cops trying to apprehend him . it ', s about differences and how  given the right conditions  even close neighbors can fan the hostile flames of irrational suspicion . one thing i found interesting in summer of sam was the use of sex . in other movies sex is glamorized . for example  james bond gets a sexual reward for winning . or boring made - for - video " suspense " movies are spiked with gratuitous lingerie scenes just to keep the audience awake . and every movie or soap opera character in these flicks seems to have expert sexual prowess . not so with summer of sam . in a very gutsy move director spike lee shows sex without fantasy . sex is there  but it isn ', t gratuitous or titillating . in fact  some of the main characters are downright lousy in bed . sex is in the film because ( sexual ) deviance is part of the film ', s major theme of " difference " breeding hostility . in my opinion this kind of movie sex is cutting edge for 1999  as rare and thought - provoking in american cinema as showing a spanking .
pos part one of " the strangest movies ever made " series at www . mediajunkies . com by scott watson [ light spoilers  nothing you shouldn ', t read ] existenz has been called " a gooey matrix "  and while this is a correct description in some ways  in others it is completely off . the only thing the two films have in common is the idea of a virtual reality that is indistinguishable from normal  " real " reality . a major difference is that " the matrix " has a base reality that is obviously the true reality  while existenz does the impossible and makes us accept the most bizarre reality ever as true . and oh what a reality it is . david cronenberg has shown us before that he knows how to create strange movies ( naked lunch  crash )  but this one is one of the strangest . maybe it ', s because of how the mundane is mixed with the bizarre . technology is organic  but only some of it . cars are normal . gas stations are the same . cell phones are glowing bug like appendages . you jack into a virtual reality game using a quivering pink gooey animal like apparatus ( referred to simply as a " pod " ) . high technology has been replaced with organic creatures  and it provides a truly surreal setting for the characters . a famous game designer  allegra geller ( a fine looking jennifer jason leigh )  flees a demonstration of her latest game  existenz  after an assassination attempt . she is on the run ( from who  i ', m still not sure )  and has to save her pod by playing her game with " someone friendly " . that someone friendly is her dubious companion and security guard  ted pikul ( jude law ) . unfortunately he is lacking a fundamental requirement for playing  a bioport . sort of a hole in your spine ( ok  exactly like a hole in your spine )  a bioport allows you to plug the vaguely entrail - looking wires from the pod into you  allowing you to play the game . luckily a bioport can be installed easily ( they install them in malls )  so off they go to get one . after a crazy series of events at the local country gas station  they are able to plug in and play existenz . the plot itself is a surreal melding of conspiracies  reality distortion  chinese restaurants  and multi appendaged amphibian things ( " it ', s a sign of the times " ) . but the plot  while cohesive in it ', s own creepy way is secondary to just trying to figure out what the hell is going on in this universe . cronenberg just slaps this weird organic - tech world into the viewers lap  and it ', s up to you to figure out how all these things work . and that ', s the true joy of this film  entering the vaguely nightmarish world in which existenz takes place . you learn a little bit piece by piece ( oh  they make pods out of those )  and it ', s just enough to get you to accept the world that is presented to you . there are all kinds of twists and turns as the characters wander around  including a fantastic scene in a chinese restaurant that will leave you trying to assemble something out of your moo goo gai pan for months afterwards . also the bioports are occasionally used for things other than porting into existenz  the specifics of which i will leave for you to discover . there ', s lots of little things that set off the weird - o - meter  like the little tiny pods that you can buy in the video game store  the two headed amphibian creature  and why that guy at the gas station ', s name appears to be " gas " . it all adds up to a supremely far out trip  and given the choice i think i would rather live in the matrix ', s virtual world . . . oh wait  i already do .
pos good films are hard to find these days . great films are beyond rare . proof of life  russell crowe ', s one - two punch of a deft kidnap and rescue thriller  is one of those rare gems . a taut drama laced with strong and subtle acting  an intelligent script  and masterful directing  together it delivers something virtually unheard of in the film industry these days  genuine motivation in a story that rings true . consider the strange coincidence of russell crowe ', s character in proof of life making the moves on a distraught wife played by meg ryan ', s character in the film -- all while the real russell crowe was hitching up with married woman meg ryan in the outside world . i haven ', t seen this much chemistry between actors since mcqueen and mcgraw teamed up in peckinpah ', s masterpiece  the getaway . but enough with the gossip  let ', s get to the review . the film revolves around the kidnapping of peter bowman ( david morse )  an american engineer working in south america who is kidnapped during a mass ambush of civilians by anti - government soldiers . upon discovering his identity  the rebel soldiers decide to ransom him for $ 6 million . the only problem is that the company peter bowman works for is being auctioned off  and no one will step forward with the money . with no choice available to her  bowman ', s wife alice ( ryan ) hires terry thorne ( crowe )  a highly skilled negotiator and rescue operative  to arrange the return of her husband . but when things go wrong -- as they always do in these situations -- terry and his team ( which includes the most surprising casting choice of the year : david caruso ) take matters into their own hands . the film is notable in that it takes this very simple story line and creates a complex and intelligent character - driven vehicle filled with well - written dialogue  shades of motivation  and convincing acting by all the actors . the script is based on both a book ( the long march to freedom ) and a magazine article pertaining to kidnap / ransom situations  and the story has been sharply pieced together by tony gilroy  screenwriter of the devil ', s advocate and dolores claiborne . the biggest surprise for me was not the chemistry between crowe and ryan  but that between crowe and david caruso . dug out from b - movie hell  caruso pulls off a gutsy performance as crowe ', s right hand gun while providing most of the film ', s humor . ryan cries a lot and smokes too many cigarettes  david morse ends up getting everyone at the guerilla camp to hate him  and crowe provides another memorable acting turn as the stoic  gunslinger character of terry thorne . the most memorable pieces of the film lie in its action scenes . the bulk of those scenes  which bookend the movie  work extremely well as establishment and closure devices for all of the story ', s characters . the scenes are skillfully crafted and executed with amazing accuracy and poise . director taylor hackford mixes both his old - school style of filmmaking with the dizziness of a lars von trier film . proof of life is a thinking man ', s action movie . it is a film about the choices men and women make in the face of love and war  and the sacrifices one makes for those choices -- the sacrifices that help you sleep at night .
pos i must admit i ', m going to be a bit biased in my review of the new romantic comedy serendipity  because that also defines how i met my current girlfriend . the magic and mystery of our fated encounter is also embodied in the quirkiness and freshness of the very funny and very romantic serendipity . i am not a big fan of the romantic comedy genre  but something drew me to this film . maybe it was the casting of the underrated jeremy piven in a supporting role  and the hilarious eugene levy . maybe it was my hope that john cusack would get the redemption he justly deserves after such crap as high fidelity  con air  and pushing tin . but maybe it was because i feel as giddy as a school kid right now with this whole romantic thing currently in my life . the story of serendipity is simple . two people  john trager ( john cusack ) and sara thomas ( kate beckinsale  looking ever so hot )  have a chance encounter over a pair of gloves -- with buck henry smack dab in the middle . charmed beyond repair  these two knuckleheads grab a sundae together at a caf ? called serendipity  talk about that irresponsible thing called fate and the avenues it leads people down  and spend a few hours at the local ice skating rink . but with each of them already involved with other parties  sara has john write his name and number on a $ 5 bill and she writes her name and number on a copy of love in the time of cholera . sara declares that if this " thing " -- let ', s just call it love -- is destined to happen  fate will bring them together in the future . years later and on opposite coasts of america  john and sara -- both engaged but still unsure whether they have found their soul mates -- decide to seek each other out to rest their doubts . what happens then is an enjoyable and often hilarious cat - and - mouse game with the fates - involving such items as mistaken identity  a graduate homage  john corbett as a freaky new age musician  and eugene levy as an irate and crazed salesman -- to find out if that " thing " was right after all . fortunately  first - time screenwriter marc klein has sketched strong  well - rounded  characters to propel a predictable and corny narrative . coupled with deft directing by michael chelsom ( director of the very unfunny town and country and the very funny funny bones ) and the use of time - lapse camera work to illustrate the passage of years -- the film comes off with genuine believability and sincerity . both piven and molly shannon make nice sidekick characters on the flipside  films such as you ', ve got mail  made in heaven  and even high fidelity are the quiet inspirations for the film ', s main journey at hand . but it ', s what happens to the unexpecting characters left behind in the romantic wake after john and sara find happiness this is the most unsettling part of the picture .
pos in some regards  making a movie is like trying to stretch a rubber band as far as you can without breaking it . try too hard  and it snaps ; but too much reservation means someone else will come along and pull it farther . in simon birch  director mark steven johnson shows us just how to master the technique : he takes advantage of caution and poise  but also risks his movie with a few bold steps . in the end  he ', s not only holding an unbroken band  but he makes the audience appreciate the lengths he went to direct such a fine feature . there ', s no doubt about it : the film that johnson has crafted is rich . he chooses for his setting the quaint town of gravestown  maine - leaves turn bright orange in the fall  the grass is a lush green  pure white snow falls in the winter  and the sky goes on forever . the characters continue that turn : our two leads are simon birch ( ian michael smith ) and joe wenteworth ( joseph mazzello ) . simon is the smallest baby ever born within the records of the local hospital  and by age twelve he ', s only two feet tall . joe is the bastard son of rebecca ( ashley judd )  and by age twelve he ', s ready to know who is father is . naturally  the two outcasts become good friends and share many adventures together  from disrupting sunday school to doing community service to playing little league baseball . in a wonderfully executed performance by ian michael smith  simon birch is convinced that he ', s god ', s instrument  and there must be a reason he ', s so small . joe doesn ', t quite buy it  but he sticks by simon ; the two tough it out through the worst of times and are each other ', s only true friends . early on  the two meet up with ben goodrich ( oliver platt )  rebecca ', s new boyfriend  and although the bond isn ', t immediate  ben and the two boys develop a liking for each other . both platt and judd give solid performances that lend their characters a deep likeability . the audience cares about them as much as they do about joe and simon  a testament to the acting jobs of both . finally  jim carrey gives a cameo as the adult joe in the present day  and his few minutes here are relatively more impressive than his entire performance in the truman show . mark steven johnson ', s sense of drama and writing is fantastic . the script is loosely based on john irving ', s novel  a prayer for owen meany  but it ', s so far off the source material that irving actually requested the credits be changed from ', based on ', to ', suggested by . ', along those same lines  it ', s almost unfitting to compare the two ; johnson uses tension  humor  atmosphere  and suspense to create an original drama of forrest gumpian proportions . by no means has he developed a project of similar popularity - gump made over 300 million dollars while birch ought to pass out of sight in a few weeks - but the winning idea remains the same . simon birch is a different look at a different life  and one that will most likely be studied in film school classes in decades to come . in the present  however  it ', s an enjoyable little picture that everyone ought to take a look at .
pos on the basis of this film alone  i never would have predicted that  in two years  quentin tarantino would become the country ', s biggest hotshot director . reservoir dogs has hints of the tarantino brilliance that emerged in pulp fiction  but is a much less substantive  more conventional crime story than the big pf . here ', s what the two movies do have in common . . . -- scenes of intelligent  amusing dialogue with no relevance to the plot -- a story that jumps back and forth in time rather than going in a logical  chronological sequence -- graphic yet necessary violence -- an engaging crime story -- dialogue liberally spiced with swear words and racial / gender slurs -- three of the same actors ( harvey keitel  tim roth and steve buscemi ) -- a mexican standoff ending  although this one is considerably less optimistic than pf reservoir dogs is an entire hour shorter than pulp fiction because it ', s only got one story to tell rather than three . crime lord joe cabot ( veteran actor lawrence tierney ) has assembled five criminals who have never even met each other to pull a diamond store heist . the five are instructed not to reveal their real names or personal details or anything the cops could use if one of them was captured and interrogated . instead  they are all given code names off the color chart -- mr . white ( keitel )  mr . pink ( buscemi )  mr . orange ( roth )  mr . blonde ( michael madsen )  mr . brown ( tarantino ) and mr . peach ( tarantino ', s chin ) . most of the movie ', s running time is spent with mr . white and pink waiting at a warehouse for the others to arrive . mr . orange  meanwhile  is on the floor  dying from a gunshot wound . the police had arrived at the scene of the crime way too soon  leading white to believe one of the five was an informant . the story ', s background unfolds through a series of flashbacks  of the crime itself and the meetings between joe and the criminals prior to the crime . eventually  blonde arrives with a police officer hostage  and what follows is a truly brutal  uncomfortable torture scene . let ', s just say picasso would be inspired by what blonde does to the cop ', s ear . a lot of the time  reservoir dogs seems like your typical gangster heist - gone - wrong movie  but there are a few sequences that are uniquely tarantino . the opening scene in the coffee shop starts the movie off on a high note the rest of it doesn ', t live up to  as the criminals plus joe have a conversation on  among other things  tipping philosophies and their interpretations of madonna ', s " like a virgin . " another scene involves roth ', s lengthy manufactured story about running into a group of cops and a police dog in a bus station bathroom while carrying a giant bag of marijuana . neither of these have much plot relevance but are given ample time to develop  like the captain koons gold watch speech in pulp fiction  only here these sequences are more enjoyable than the rest of the movie . reservoir dogs is good but it ', s no pulp fiction .
pos it ', s a fact that a good thriller or action movie doesn ', t need violence to be good or worth watching . all it takes is potential violence to make the audience bite their nails . and what kind of violence could be more efficient than a global thermo - nuclear war ? and potential violence is the premiss wargames is built upon . a computer whiz - kid  david  is usually contended with hacking into the school computer to change his grades . but after having read an advertisment for an upcoming computer game  he wants to be the first to play it . instead of getting into the computer at protovision software he accidentally comes to the frontgate of norad . with the help of jennifer  a girl in his biology class  he starts to play a nice game of nuclear war with wopr  war operation plan response ( a top - notch computer at the time  but now hardly faster than my own computer ) i remember being 12 and watching this at the cinema . it was very efficent at giving you a scare in those days and that hasn ', t changed . of course  a nuclear war seemed to be much more of something that could actually happen back in 1983 . i wouldn ', t be surprised if this gave people nightmares . i hope it still does since you still hear about school kids hacking into the computers at pentagon . broderick and sheedy are just fine as the young teenagers ( although her interest in david remains a mystery ) . but the rest of the actors are  by no fault of their own  restricted by the script to play one - dimensional grownups . david ', s parents are the same kind of parents that populate all these college comedies from the 1980s  movies like secret admirer  porky ', s or zapped and the norad general beringer is straight out of dr . strangelove . if for no other reason  you should see this movie to enjoy how far the computer technology has gone since those days . david uses the same telephone for calling friends as calling other computers . the modem is some kind of device that he puts the headset on . far from any 56k modem my guess is that it ', s some kind of 2400 bps modem  the kind of technology you now find at your local technical museum . the big computer at norad has a lot of flashing lights ( just like those you see on star trek or any old sf - movie ) but it ', s hardly impressing compared with what you can get today . what are the lessons we can learn from wargames ? 1 . make sure there are no secret backdoors into military computers . 2 . thank you  whoever it was  for giving us a graphical user interface when we use our computers !
pos there exists a litany of differences between a successful action movie and a successful suspense movie . action movies are typically devoid of plot other than a simple byline which can string together several explosive sequences  while suspense movies hinge on plot and subtlety and the ability to bring everything full - circle . for fans of both genres  however  realism is key . action fans want to know that the weapons and methods their heroes are using are authentic  and suspense fans want everything to fall into an explainable framework by the movie ', s end . on this advice  director john frankenheimer ( the island of dr . moreau ) strives for realism in an interestingly dynamic balance of suspense and action for his latest thriller  ronin . the depth of intrigue in ronin is quite amazing  considering the fare that ', s fallen into the same category over the last few years . the script  written by j . d . zeik in his big - screen debut  approaches levels of complexity that had people spinning away from mission : impossible two years ago . a certain number of people will be lost by this  but afficianados will appreciate it all the more and return multiple times . frankenheimer masters the script with poise  and tells us a dark but stoically realistic tale of a group of post - cold war mercenaries working to earn their paycheck . his ability to convey feeling and character while promoting explosiveness and tense atmosphere works well here  and ronin becomes a better movie because of it . robert de niro headlines this cast of noteworthies in a performance that is the most outstanding of his in quite some time . he takes command and offers much gravity as the ex - spy sam  a man who ', s called to france to help a shady operations controller named dierdre ( natascha mcelhone ) recover a package . the package becomes the central motivator for the entire cast  especially once the requisite double - crossing begins  and its role is skillfully penned by zeik . at times  however  zeik ', s tale becomes almost too reminiscent of mission : impossible - de niro might easily become tom cruise  the package might become cruise ', s computer disk . fortunately  the focus here is almost entirely on the package  whereas in mission the script was more concerned with the double - cross and why it happened . the action content is impressive  and it lives up to the hints given in previews . the only fans who will be disappointed are those who expect full - blown combat scenes and instead are forced to suffer through moments of slowness . ronin does take a degree of intelligence to follow all of the nuance from start to finish  but even the uninitiated will be able to keep a grasp on most characters mand subplots . the suspense tapers off considerably by the end  a bit of a drawback because of its height at the movie ', s open . considering these factors it ', s good to see that ronin was a project that turned out well  and it ', s another good bet this month . since quality is usually sparse during the early fall months  it ', s definitely worth the visit .
pos jay and silent bob strike back  kevin smith ', s swan song to his two most famous characters  is the best received comedy that i ', ve seen since there ', s something about mary  which is a tea party in comparison to the foul - mouthed humor in jay and silent bob strike back . the audience didn ', t just laugh ; they went wild with boisterous laughter and heavy applause throughout . in short  if you like really raunchy humor  you may find it  as i did  to be the funniest movie of the year . ( on the other hand  if you are one of those who walked out in disgust with smith ', s dogma  then jay and silent bob strike back is not the movie for you . ) in one of the fastest paced movies of the year  the story has jay and silent bob ( jason mewes and kevin smith )  a pair of card carrying drug dealers  traveling from their new jersey convenience store home to hollywood so that they can stop a movie . it seems their comic book alter egos  bluntman and chronic  are being used in a movie without jay and silent bob ', s consent . jason biggs and james van der beek are slated to star in it . jay and silent bob strike back has more and better used cameos than just about any movie that i ', ve ever seen . among others  they include carrie fisher as a bible - toting nun  mark hamill as a comic book version of his famous alter ego and gus van sant as a director too busy counting his money to yell  " action ! " best of all are ben affleck and matt damon who mock themselves and their movies . the film stops several times to make fun of itself and of the audience who was " stupid " enough to buy tickets to this movie . ( actually  purchasing tickets to this film is extremely smart given that it delivers more laughter per dollar than anything in recent memory . ) the film even skewers people who write about movies on the internet . guilty . although it ', s filled with inside jokes  you ', ll still be laughing even if you only get some of them . it ', s easy to understand enough so that they are still funny . jay is a motor mouth who hasn ', t met a subject that he couldn ', t vulgarize . his favorite topic is oral sex  but  being an equal opportunity profaner  he ', s willing to make crude jokes about absolutely anything . but it is his buddy  the aptly named silent bob  who is responsible for most of the movie ', s success . his reaction shots  with his wildly exaggerated eye movements  are comedic gems . the story ', s main subplot concerns four animal rights activists  justice ( shannon elizabeth ) and her three sexy buddies  sissy ( eliza dushku )  missy ( jennifer schwalbach smith ) and chrissy ( ali larter ) . these charlie ', s angels types give a ride to our heroes on their trek to lalaland to stop the picture . jay tries to put the moves on justice  but he doesn ', t stay in command of the situation for long . one of the funnier sight gags has the women using a pink  clam - shaped  birth control case that contains high tech gadgetry . granted  it ', s not the movie for everyone  but  if you like kevin smith ', s brand of humor  you ', ll find that this is his best . and  as i said earlier  it ', s the funniest movie of the year thus far . no  wait . forget  ` thus far . ', it ', s bound to be the funniest movie of the year . in a time when almost every movie feels obligated to come in at pg - 13 so that they can rake in the maximum cash  it ', s great to see a filmmaker with the guts to target only a mature audience . jay and silent bob strike back runs a lightening fast 1 : 35 . it is rated r and contains pervasive crude humor and language and sexual situations . it would be acceptable for high school seniors and older . the film opens nationwide in the united states on wednesday  august 22  2001 . in the silicon valley  it will be showing at the amc and the century theaters .
pos damn those trailers . had it not been for the advertising of this film  which reveals far too much about its contents  i would have been glued to ` under the sand ', . as it is  the film retains some value  thanks to an excellent performance by charlotte rampling  and a more mature francois ozon in the director ', s chair . marie ( charlotte rampling ) and her husband jean ( bruno cremer ) lounge on the beach . she takes a nap while he goes for a swim . when marie wakes up  jean is nowhere to be found . she contacts authorities  but they can ', t find him either . did he disappear to start a new life ? was he killed by accident ? did he commit suicide ? marie still asks herself these questions a year later  and in order to move on with her life  she must find some answers . it ', s a fine premise  and this little movie uses it to the limit . the film moves at a leisurely pace  a bit slow  but relaxing . it ', s a very visual story  and you can pretty much just sit back without reading the subtitles . this is mostly thanks to the excellent camera work by antoine heberle and jeanne lapoirie  who shot the film in a dreamy haze  and the lead performance by rampling . rampling is so expressive in her portrayal of marie  you connect with her character instantly  despite that she ', s delusional . the scenes where she interacts with her husband  who she still believes is alive  are heartbreaking . she can ', t quite get over him . they ', ve been married for twenty - five years . the other actors  particularly jacques nolot  are excellent too . the sex in the film is rather unneeded  but compared to ozon ', s ` criminal lovers ',  it ', s the disney channel . likely to cause some discussion afterwards  ` under the sand ', is a fine movie going experience . while it ', s hard to recommend as entertainment  it ', s a fine adult alternative about how we deal with loss . ozon seems to ask what you would do  and that ', s certainly a hard question to answer .
pos bob the happy bastard ', s quickie review : rush hour so what ', s the problem with 48 hours clones these days ? they always try for the same thing that eddie murphy and nick nolte had . that was the problem that plagued these clones  not to mention the actual sequel : another 48 hours  a complete waste of film . but  at last  someone has a different take on the matter  and it ', s director brett rainer . rush hour features jackie chan in his first u . s . action movie  playing a chinese detective who ', s being flown to the us to investigate the kidnapping of the chinese consulate ', s daughter . of course  the fbi is upset that he ', ll be interfering in their investigation  and stick him with an lapd office with a big mouth - of course  that ', s chris tucker . what makes rush hour work so damn well is the chemistry between the energetic chan and the absolutely hilarious tucker . tucker mouths off to chan at every given opportunity ( " i ', m michael jackson  you tito . " )  and chan delivers a few zingers of his own  as well as some terrific fight scenes . the story ', s pretty much your average fare  but with a decent twist involving the main villain  a highly clouded figure named jun tao . at least it ', s entertaining  and the concept is excellently realized . a particular fight scene in a chinese office  where chan and tucker duke it out with the bad guys  is funny and energetic at the same time . and the finale ', s a real treat as well . . . chan delivers yet another fantastic stunt for the fans with a 10 - story drop . rush hour is just the sort of film you ', ll get a kick out of on any night of the week . just make sure you don ', t look for anything culturally different and you ', ll be fine - drunken master ii this ain ', t .
pos this sunday afternoon i had the priviledge of attending a private screening at the sony astor cinema in new york city  of james cameron ', s most heralded film  titanic . postponed from last summer  with an escalated budget that makes it the most expensive movie in history  this was one film i was eager to preview . so  is this movie going to sink or swim this holiday ? my best guess . . . . it will sink  though with many awards attatched to its hull . no doubt  titanic is the most elaborate disaster movie ever made . it boasts the most amazing effects that i have ever seen done to date . to see a ship fall apart  with actual people running across the ship  flying across the deck  and falling to the water  is just amazing to look at . the effects are so stunningly realistic  you would swear you were looking at actual footage . but titanic is more than a disaster movie  and that ', s where the problem lies . there is a love story attatched that nearly ruins the entire premise . i ', ll give a capsule summary of the story without spoiling anything for you : the film begins with a modern day excavation of sorts of the sunken titanic . we see actual footage of the sunken ship  as cammeron had set up special cameras to film the wreckage on the ocean floor . bill paxton leads the expedition  in search of sunken treasure . what he finds instead  leads him to a mysterious old woman who recounts her tale of the titanic voyage . we meet rose ( kate winslet )  a young woman  who comes from an upper - class family . rose is to be wed to a man she does not love . we meet jack ( leonardo dicaprio )  a young man  who comes from a poor financial background  and wins a ticket aboard the titanic  in a poker game . the two meet under interesting circumstances  and the love story begins . add in a jealous fiance  and a not - so - nice law officer played by david warner  and you have a story that  well  gets a bit overplayed and oversappy . i must add  at this point  that the most likeable character in the movie is played by kathy bates  as a woman with " new money " who is a lot less uptight than the other rich folk on the ship . she is a pleasure to see on screen . when the ship does hit the iceberg at exactly 1 : 40 into the film  and eventually sinks  you never really feel for any of these characters . the film is just loaded with unlikeable rich snobs and other folk you never really get a grasp on . the effects are tremendous . from the roars of gears and pumps in the engine room  to a doomed ship cracking at the seams  this is an effects picture that looks and sounds like no other . we saw titanic in dolby digital surround  and by far  it is the best sounding movie i have ever seen . my friend commented it was the best sound mix he has ever heard . when people are in the water  at film ', s end  you are surrounded by the voices of lost soles . titanic runs far too long . the movie is 3 hours and 15 minutes in length . and  while most of the first 2 . 5 hours runs very fast and well - paced  the final 45 minutes almost comes to a sudden stop  and you realize that this sappy love story has to finish itself out before the movie finally ends . don ', t get me wrong about titanic . . . . it ', s not a bad as i am making it out to be . it really is an exceptionaly well - made film . the costumes and sets are incredible  and true to the time period . the ship is painstakingly created exactly true to form  as we see actual pictures of the modern - day wreckage  transformed into the movie depiction . this film will certainly win on effects  costume  set design and sound . cameron has certainly made his best film to date . unfortunately  titanic is not a best picture candidate . it just doesn ', t have a strong supporting story . it ', s an exceptional disaster film with sappy filler inside . it just doesn ', t have the emotional impact that i suspect mr . cameron was shooting for . i predict that titanic will open to likeable reviews . it is a film worth seeing . i predict that it will only do moderately well at the box office . with its extreme running time  and lack of enough robust to get substantial word - of - mouth  i expect that it will do even better on home video . this will certainly be the definitive ac3 movie for all you home theater enthusiasts . titanic opens december 19th  and is released by paramount pictures and twentieth century - fox . i give titanic 3 stars ( . that ', s not bad . ron epstein riginally posted in home theater forum ===
pos a common complaint amongst film critics is " why aren ', t there more literate scripts available ? " quiz show gives signs of hope that the art of writing isn ', t dead in hollywood and that we need not only look to independent films for thoughtful content . paul attanasio ', s script takes what could have been a tepid thriller ( the quiz show scandals of the late 50s ) and delivers a telling parable about the emptiness of the post war american dream and the golden bubble that surrounds and protects tv networks and their sponsors . the film is riddled with telling symbols ( e . g . a ', 58 chrysler  a radio announcement of sputnik ) but is never heavy handed . deft direction by robert redford and keen performances by ralph fiennes  john turturro and rob morrow dovetail perfectly with the carefully honed script . redford departs from the usually overlight  " cable tv quality " sets and camera work so common in recent 20th century period pieces . quiz show perfectly captures the colors and textures of the eisenhower years . although i was only 4 years old when the " twenty one " scandal broke  enough of the 50s icons survived throughout my childhood for me to recognize the authenticity of redford ', s almost tangible palette . from plastic covered furniture to carefully coifed contestants  the images ring true from that era of rampant consumerism  of a generation that had gone through 15 years of depression and world war without " disposable income  " before the manifestation of its american dream . the film deftly weaves several themes together  from assimilation and exclusion of jews from " the good life  " to the lengths that a scion of a literary family will go to to match his father ', s fame . though the 50s audience that is " rocked " by this scandal may initially seem naive to us  they should appear all too familiar  with our current national passion for the rise and fall of icons like michael jackson or tonya harding . charles van doren and herbie stemple were the overnight mega celebrities of their day . the tv audience is almost a fourth main character  always at the center of the decisions being made on their behalf . at the film ', s end  the credits roll past slow motion footage of that same 50s tv audience  mindlessly laughing at some piece of fluff . like the distorted mirror that captured a blurred swastika at the end of cabaret  this " mirror " may reflect an image we ', re not all that comfortable with .
pos whew . this film oozes energy  the kind of breakneck  no - holds - barred  in - your - face risk - taking filmmaking that is seldom seen on screen these days . like the marginal  motley bunch of post - apocalyptic youths director danny boyle tries to depict  trainspotting veers on the edge of utter mayhem but ultimately retains its footing and control . the result : a movie that is a delightful example of how the medium is the message . the message : a bunch of losers with loser names  mark renton ( ewan mcgregor )  spud ( ewan bremner )  sick boy ( jonny lee miller )  tommy ( kevin mckidd )  and begbie ( robert carlyle ) . bored  aimless and restless  their routine consists of getting drunk at the local pub  grooving to techno or glam - rock at the local disco and getting shots up the arm at the local den and procuring cash through a variety of methods  some ingenious  others plainly dumb and desperate . not part of the daily dose if obtained  sex is a bonus . you can find these characters as they are  foul - mouthed  dirty  pathetic  ugly perhaps but definitely interesting  in irvin welsh ', s cult novel of the same name . what makes the film a completely different experience is how director boyle uses every tool at his disposal to make the filmic medium synchronous with the message . one of the first things you ', ll notice is how the camera seems to dart around restlessly . it ', ll truck into a character ', s pimple  just as soon as it will dolly out to an establishing shot . distracted and curious  it ', ll maintain a character ', s eye - level or drop right to the ground to show the doped - out - eye - view . you ', ll even find characters peering into the camera  their faces smeared across the wide - angle lens . this film camera is just another one of the guys . tiptoeing that indistinguishable line between fantasy and reality  boyle employs a healthy dose of surrealism to get the message across . bored kids daydream and bored kids deprived of a heroin fix have nightmares . i don ', t want to give too much away  but if you cross chuckie from child ', s play with some of the wacky fantasies in heavenly creatures  you might have an idea just how fun or pants - wetting scary the alternate state of consciouness can be . that said  this film has a good share of drugs - consumed  vomitted  defecated  pissed off  exchanged  bought  sold  injected  smuggled  enjoyed and regretted . if that isn ', t your cup of tea  nobody forced you to see the film . stay at home and rent up close and personal . and what ', s a buzz without tunes . from pulp to iggy pop ( yes  he ', s still alive )  the aural landscape is as engaging as the visual energy permeating the film . good and bad vibrations tangle like the conflicting desires and values of the message . every once in a while  a film comes along with the kind of energetic filmmaking that matches the intensity of its characters it hopes to depict . trainspotting is that shooting star that burns across a sky littered with static constellations . dom is a part - time filmmaker who graduated from northwestern university ', s radio / tv / film programme not too long ago . he has laboured on various music videos and short films in and around campus and chicago . nowhere town  a 26min short film that he shot  co - directed and co - produced recently scooped up the grand jury prize at the charleston international film festival for best student production . he is currently finishing a couple of small projects . with his minute amounts of leisure time  dom does nell impersonations .
pos steven spielberg ', s " amistad  " which is based on the true story of a group of africans who revolted on board a slave ship  then were captured and taken to america where a legal dispute ensued over who " owned " them  is concerned with several different aspects of this story . first  the film addresses the issue of the inherent evils of slavery . second  it deals with the historical involvement of several american politicians in the case  including president martin van buren and former president john quincy adams ( anthony hopkins ) . last  and most importantly  it examines the cultural confusion experienced by the africans who were forced into slavery and the damage done to their native culture in africa by the slave trade . " amistad " succeeds at least partly with all three of these elements . i have to admit that i was a little skeptical as to how much i could really get out of another " anti - slavery " movie . having seen several other movies and documentaries about slavery  i doubted that there was much i didn ', t already know about it . fortunately  i turned out to be wrong . for one thing  spielberg ', s camera never once gets near a southern plantation and instead sticks to the slave ships and the slave traders ', operations in africa  so " amistad " was dealing with a different part of the history of slavery from the very beginning . and some of the images here are  in fact  much more harrowing than what we usually see in movies about slavery . one scene in the middle  in which the crew of a slave ship dispose of some of their " excess " slaves by throwing them overboard to drown  has to be one of the most disturbing film images of the year . spielberg digs farther into the evils of slavery than i was expecting he would  and in fact he probably goes about as far as a movie director can without getting an nc - 17 rating . the stark suffering of the africans is contrasted sharply with the shallow luxury of the politicians  such as president van buren and queen isabella of spain  whose naval officers were involved in the legal dispute and who was only a small child at the time . exposing politicians as narrow - minded  opportunistic hypocrites is fairly standard stuff  of course  but spielberg and writer david franzoni do it well enough that it still comes off as something more than just a simple exercise in audience manipulation . the film also examines the contentious nature of the slavery issue at the time  such that john quincy adams ( and probably other politicians like him )  who clearly disapproved of the practice  was reluctant to get involved in the case until it was appealed all the way to the supreme court . the biggest success of " amistad " is probably the characterization of cinque ( djimon hounsou )  who emerges as the de facto leader of the kidnapped africans and struggles to communicate with baldwin ( matthew mcconaughey )  the lawyer who represents them in court . through cinque  we are given a window into the native culture  as he and the displaced africans try to explain to the prison guards what they need for a proper burial of a dead tribe member  or find an illustrated version of the bible and try to understand the story of jesus christ . cinque sees the dispute with a clarity and simplicity that  again  contrasts with the technicalities and mechanics of the legal process and of the political squabbles . " what kind of country is this  where laws ', almost ', work ? " he asks baldwin in bewilderment  when he learns that the case must be re - tried before the supreme court . spielberg ', s direction tends a little bit towards the manipulative side at times  such as when he adds a heavy orchestral swell to cinque ', s angry outburst in the court room . still  there isn ', t enough of this for it to be a serious problem . the main flaw in this film  which prevents it from earning four stars  is that it seems like spielberg and franzoni can ', t quite handle all of these issues at the same time  so instead they settle for addressing each one separately and simply editing the results into the same movie . this summer ', s contact  for example  dealt with several issues at once  but each of them was somehow present in almost every scene and  most importantly  all of them were resolved at once . " amistad " tries to pull it all together in the end with a speech from adams  but it somehow feels a little forced  and in any case the speech itself  which lasts almost fifteen minutes  wears out its welcome about halfway through . perhaps the best way to describe it is this : " amistad " is three four star films edited into one . almost every individual scene works  but the final product is lacking the necessary focus and coherence  and thus is less than the sum of its parts . however  i can ', t honestly say how it could have been done differently  and in any case the story comes through with enough raw emotional power that it is still a very good film  and thus i recommend it to anyone who can handle the disturbing imagery .
pos he has spent his entire life in an awful little apartment  raised and cared for and imprisoned by his domineering mother . she inspires his love and his fear  and instills in him a similar love and fear of jesus . he has a rudimentary grasp of language  mouthing monosyllables and repetitions of his mother ', s phrases . he is taught that the world outside is fatally poisonous ; his mother dons a gasmask whenever she goes out the door . he is 35 - years - old in body  but a child in mind and spirit . he is the premise for bad boy bubby  a defiantly original australian movie about a man called bubby ( nicholas hope ) who has spent his entire life in an awful little apartment  etc .  etc . then one day his father ( ralph cotterill ) appears . his father is a shabby down - at - heels priest who appears to have permanently misplaced his religion . unsurprisingly  he is not thrilled with the way " his " boy has turned out . he is  however  rather pleased at renewing his acquaintance with the mother ( claire benito )  and  more to the point  her ample breasts . soon they are copulating on the dingy couch  while bubby crouches  confused  in the next room  acutely aware that the mother who had devoted all her attention to him has a new interest . bubby ', s relationship to the world may be warped  but it is at least stable . the father ', s arrival disturbs his precarious balance  causing an oedipal conflict which ends -- freud would be pleased -- in violence and  as a result  freedom . bubby intuits from his father ', s arrival that the air outside is breathable : he leaves the apartment  his past  his world  behind . so far  so good . the first thirty minutes or so of bad boy bubby  which bring us to this point  are quite brilliant . the movie is at its best when its stays within the constraints of bubby ', s hermetic two - room universe . it follows through unrelentingly on the implications of its premise : bubby is used by his mother for sex  he unwittingly suffocates the pet cat with cellophane  he is terrifed by the notion that jesus will beat him senseless if he sins . it is grim and savage and appalling  but also strangely tender -- de heer  having imagined a life as bizarre as bubby ', s  does not exaggerate for comic or grotesqe purposes  but simply empathizes . he observes what it might be like . the intensity of these opening scenes  with their minimalist mise - en - scene  immerses us in a claustrophobic environment which seems to be a decayed stratum of our own world  and owes much to david lynch ', s eraserhead  not least the ambient industrial white noise of the soundtrack . for thirty minutes  the movie maintains the feel and mood of a reality that does not seem far removed from our own . then de heer lets bubby out  brings him into contact with our world  and the film never quite recovers . our unlikely hero finds himself in port adelaide  where he wanders the streets and meets people  where he suffers and learns and survives . he is seduced by a young woman from a salvation army band ( how an anti - social half - wit with no sense of hygiene manages to get laid mere hours after his escape is not the sort of question the film encourages  wisely ) ; he is given free pizza by a sympathetic waitress ; he insults a traffic cop and is punched in the stomach ; he shares a few beers in the back of a truck with a rock group ; he is imprisoned and raped ; he becomes a translator for mentally handicapped people whose speech is impaired beyond comprehension ; he is loved by a motherly large - breasted nurse ( carmel johnson ) . . . it goes on  by turns inventive  silly  tasteless  endearing  and sometimes all of these things at once . de heer never seems to be sure how bubby should interface with the real world : the tone shifts  uneasily  from fable to realism to satire and back again . the scenes which try to touch base with a believable version of reality are the weakest ; the film is best understood as a kind of parable  and  indeed  the religious implications of bubby ', s experiences are foregrounded : icons of jesus on the cross hang from the mother ', s walls  bubby dons a priest ', s collar stolen from his father  a church organ - playing atheist lectures him on the necessity of unbelief  the woman who redeems him is named angel . the manifold stresses of our world do not shatter bubby ', s mind  do not fragment him into psychosis ; rather  the world accomodates him  and heals him . although de heer ', s touch is at times overbearing  bubby ', s salvation is touching ; what seemd at first a harsh lesson in the damaging effects of the social construction of reality becomes a na ? ve humanist tale of improbable hope . a hapless rock group write a song about bubby and sing it for him and so give him the gift of community . he returns the favour when he steps on stage one night and becomes their frontman  turning the fragmented impressions of his experiences into performance art  and turning the band into a popular draw . innocence triumphs . bubby becomes a holy fool  an idiot savant  and graces us with wisdom . it ', s a strange turn of events  but by now we shouldn ', t be surprised  because bad boy bubby ain ', t like other movies .
pos being that it is a foreign language film with no known names with a select number theaters showing it  " shall we dance " won ', t be seen by that many people . and that ', s a shame - this is a funny  enchanting  and goofy movie full of laughs  surprises  and wonderful dance sequences . the surprising thing about " shall we dance " is the universal appeal of the story . a us version is in the works  and it ', s no wonder - it ', s not really all that culture specific . although there is a narrated set - up that adds some extra resonance to the proceedings ( about the view the japanese culture has about ballroom dancing )  the movie is so rich in character and appeal that this added layer isn ', t at all necessary to understand or enjoy the film . the only important unexplained japanese - specific reference that may leave some a bit puzzled is that 1000 yen is roughly $ 10 ( when you see the film - and you should see this film - you ', ll know why ) . a middle aged company man realizes that achieving all the goals he set for himself in life ( a house  a child  and good marriage ) still doesn ', t translate into a fulfilled life . after glimpsing a melancholy beauty looking out from a dance studio window while on the train home from work  sugiyana ( koji yakusho ) decides after some trepidation to take up ballroom dance lessons in order to meet the woman who has stirred something in himself . after finding the weekly fees for private lessons from the elegant and beautiful mai ( tamiyo kusakari ) too rich for his blood  sugiyama opts for groups lessons simply to be near her . we then meet the players in this gem of a movie  who all have their own reasons for joining the class . later on  we meet aoki at the dance studio ( naoto takenaka )  a co - worker and all out weirdo and one of the laugh riot highlights of the film . the story  laughs  and touching scenes evolve as the movie goes along . it ', s a pleasure to watch such a wonderful film that is propelled almost solely by the characters and performances . it ', s difficult to explain the charms of the film without revealing too much - the movie abounds with little revelations that subtly shape the characters  and in the end  each one is that much fuller and more understood by the time you leave the theater . it ', s one of those movies that only the french seem to make anymore - no big plot  no special effects  no gunplay  no tragic consequences  no forced examinations of the nature of love  and no insights into the nature of evil . just a warm  funny  endearing film that will charm the pants off of you . when was the last time you left a theater feeling all warm and fuzzy inside ? " shall we dance " will do that to you without any treacly aftertaste .
pos when i first heard of contact  the hype was building it up as a sci - fi blockbuster . now  with that in mind  coupled with the knowledge of jodie foster ', s involvement in the project  i thought " what in the world is foster doing in a sci - fi blockbuster ? ? ? " . as it turned out  my expectations were completely nullified and turned topsy - turvy . robert zemeckis  back from the euphoria created by his last film  forrest gump  once again proves his mastery in fusing tales of adventure with along the endearing lines of human spirit . don ', t get me wrong  contact is sci - fi ? but with a definite difference . based on the late carl sagan novel of the same name  the story delves itself in questions on science and god ; fact and faith . allie ( foster ) is a radio astronomer . she spends her time listening to the stars  via ultra - huge communication dishes in search of intelligent life beyond the solar system . her passion for ` long - distance communication ', is the result of her younger days being spent avidly in front of a ham - radio system ( a hobbyist radio communication device ) which her late - father bought for her . a scene which particularly strengthens the audiences ', view of the passion is when she asked her father whether she could contact her late - mother through the ham - radio system in which her father replied " not even the most powerful radio in the world can do that  now " . allie ', s research is based on the seti project ( search for extra terrestrial intelligence )  in which she listens to radio emissions from other galaxies in the hope of finding one which would suggest intelligent manipulation . her work has never been off the scrutiny of the us government  which considers it a waste of taxpayer ', s money and politically unviable  her supervisor ( tom skerritt ) pulls the plug on seti . undaunted  allie managed to gather a loyal group of ` believers ', and eventually found funding from a large private corporation . the following months were treacherous to their hopes and research as they are contantly pressured by the government but all that changed when one day  she caught an emission of a seemingly intelligent repeating sound - wave . the news of her find attracted hordes of alien believers  cultist  the media and of course  the government . the situation became intense upon her discovery of pictorial plans on building a form of transport which were embedded within the repeating sound emission . as the world join forces to build this transport  allie is desperate to be the one to go . she enrols herself among a few hopefuls  to represent the world when the transport is ready for operation . her eligibility for the spot failed when she is questioned on her beliefs in the existence of god by the president ', s spiritual advisor ( mcconaughey ) ; allie  being an atheist  a result of her belief in fact and science  refuses to budge upon questioning . at this point the movie plot thickens considerably as she is romantically involved with the president ', s spiritual advisor . a strong point which propelled the movie is the depth of its main characters played by foster and mcconaughey . from the very first meeting scene  it is obvious that the two of them was sort of kindred spirits but they were worlds apart in almost all aspects  foster being a person drawn to science and facts and mcconaughey being one who believes in faith  hope and the power of the unseen . the meeting of their worlds  added with the situation which they are put into makes the entire storytelling process near flawless . many people who read the synopsis of this film would find it a tad too ridiculous  but by actually immersing yourself in it  gives you an entirely different perspective ; one which is free from bias and pre - conceptions . zemeckis and his team of screen writers have done a remarkable job in telling this tale through film . contact works by not delving in controversy but rather  touches the thinking audience  urging them to ponder upon the questions raised in the film concerning fact and faith ; whether one can actually find compromise within . i consider contact as one of the must - sees for this year .
pos you ', ve got to love disney . no matter what they serve up  it is a guaranteed success as long as it ', s animated . kids have to go see the movie . then they have to get the toys . oh  the video came out ? got to buy it  or risk little billy ', s temper tantrums for the next month . all of this culminates in the childhood equivalent of a pilgrimage to mecca : a visit to the magic kingdom . stay at the disneyland hotel ! buy a disney t - shirt ! eat an ice cream mickey mouse on a stick ! it ', s both a vertical and horizontal monopoly when you think about it . dale carnegie should have had it so good . what ', s most amazing is that all this success is in spite of a severe lack of originality . you see  disney animated features these days have two components : theme and plot . the theme changes with each new movie ; the plot does not . the plot is a mold into which the characters of some ancient fable are dropped  and try as they might to rise above the characters of previous features  they are nearly always destined to do no more than the same . however  while the success of a disney animated feature is generally a given as far as box - office receipts  merchandising dollars  and glimmers in the eyes of little children  critically they are as varied as anything else that hollywood has to offer . luckily  disney ', s latest animated offering  mulan  manages to be engaging and refreshing  even while rife with formula . the film starts with the invasion of ancient china by the huns  led by the imposing shan - yu ( miguel ferrer ) . soon  china ', s emperor ( pat morita ) mobilizes his armies and decrees that one male from each family in the country shall serve to fight in china ', s defense . when the fa family is served notice  it is the elderly father  fa zhou ( soon - tek oh ) who must answer the call  as there are no other males in the household . fearing her father will surely be killed in battle  fa mulan ( ming - na wen ) disguises herself as a man and sneaks off with the royal orders to join the chinese army . mulan  based on a chinese epic poem  is a classic tale of the triumph of the ugly duckling . mulan herself is a disgrace to her loving family  as she has a difficult time fitting into the traditional woman ', s role  and in a very amusing scene where a matchmaker attempts to assess her value to a potential husband  we see that " grace " is not one of her strong points . very early on  we are presented with the high importance of bringing honor to one ', s family  and by botching her chance at gaining the favor of the matchmaker  mulan fails at that task . by leaving home to fight in her father ', s place  she may not only spare his life  but bring honor  too . as is the case with most disney musicals  the songs are first rate and pervasive throughout the film . i ', m not sure if they will get much airplay  but at least one of the songs will no doubt receive recognition come oscar time . both lea salonga  who provides the singing voice for mulan  and donny osmond who sings for shang  the captain of mulan ', s army unit and obligatory love interest  are more than competent  although salonga ', s voice translates much better to animation . you have to hear it to understand . interestingly  the musical numbers which are so often done with big flourishes are surprisingly muted in mulan . there is no significantly big number  which is customary as the second or third song in a disney film  but this does not detract significantly from the rest of the movie . it is  however  an expectation which has been built by disney ', s own formulaic history  and some viewers may feel as if something is missing . artistically  the animators have chosen to adopt the more subdued pastels of chinese artwork  and although this may not live up to the vibrance so associated with many of the other disney works  it helps to contribute a more authentic  and therefore more credible  nature to what otherwise may be seen as a typically " disneyfied " ethnic tale . there are also a couple of visually standout scenes  one involving the charge of shan - yu ', s hun army  which utilizes the same computer - enhanced imagery disney animators have employed since the chandelier in beauty and the beast . the other scene worth mentioning is so quick you might miss it . when mulan resolves to take her father ', s place  she dons her father ', s old battle armor  and unsheathes a sword . as she does so  you can see her reflection in the polished metal . it just left me thinking  " that was really cool . " a wonderful range of performances delight the audience throughout the film  varying from the straight  such as soon - tek oh as fa zhou  to the comical  such as harvey fierstein as yao  a gruff  pugilistic member of shang ', s conscripted army . even more outrageous is eddie murphy as mushu  the diminutive guardian dragon sent to look after mulan . although an obvious attempt to relive the chemistry brought forth by robin williams in aladdin  murphy nevertheless distinguishes himself with his own winning performance . i found the choice of b . d . wong as shang a little strange ( you may remember him as martin short ', s wedding planner assistant in the father of the bride )  but they used robbie benson for the voice of the beast in beauty and the beast  so i guess anything ', s possible . in any event  wong performs admirably as well . one character which provides a significant amount of humor is grandmother fa . she deserves recognition not only because of the levity she brings to the movie  but also because she is voiced by two very remarkable people . june foray  who supplies grandmother fa ', s speaking voice  is a venerable voice actress who may be best known for her work as rocky the squirrel and natasha fatale ( as in boris and natasha ) . marni nixon  who provides grandmother fa ', s singing voice  is the same vocalist who dubbed the voices for anna in the king and i  maria in west side story  and eliza in my fair lady . with this in mind  hearing grandmother fa is like listening to a little piece of history . mulan is the latest disney animated feature to get away from some of the eurocentrism which for so long dominated disney films . in an effort to be culturally sensitive ( and to avoid a " miss saigon " - type debacle )  disney has also wisely chosen to employ many asian - american actors for both lead and supporting roles . in addition to the actors already mentioned  the cast includes such ubiquitous talents as james hong  gedde watanabe  james shigeta  and george takei . i guess clyde kusatsu wasn ', t available . at a running time of slightly under an hour and a half  mulan moves quickly and provides solid entertainment for both children and  happily  adults . this is the kind of disney feature that makes you wonder what they will do next  rather than hope that the next one is better .
pos with three pre - to mid - teen children and an aging father - in - law to care for -- cooking and cleaning and laundry  drop - offs at little league practice and pick - ups from ballet practice -- margaret hall ', s life is rife with complications . and with her naval officer husband stationed somewhere in the north atlantic  virtually impossible to reach by telephone  margaret leads the crazed life of a single parent . but margaret ', s hectic world is about to get a lot more complicated . her teenage son beau  a talented trumpet player with strong prospects of being accepted into wesleyan university ', s music program  has fallen in with the wrong crowd . his mother drives from their idyllic  lakeside community of tahoe city  california to the sprawling urban metropolis of reno  nevada  with its imposing concrete superstructures and seedy neon - lit nightclubs  to confront the 30 - something man who has befriended beau . " stay away from my son " margaret warns darby reese . her words  however  appear to fall on deaf ears as reese turns up drunk at the family homestead later that evening  urging beau to join him in the boathouse . there are words and advances and some pushing and shoving and beau runs back into the house  passed his startled mother  as the crack of a wooden railing giving way breaks the cold blue silence and an intoxicated reese tumbles out of sight . the next day  on her morning walk  margaret discovers reese ', s lifeless body lying crumpled on the shoreline  a boat anchor impaled in his chest . with her maternal instincts working overtime  margaret quickly ferries the body out into the lake  weighs it down  and dumps it overboard . but margaret ', s life is about to get a lot more complicated . soon after the body is discovered  snagged on a local fisherman ', s line  margaret is paid a visit by an attractive - seeming blackmailer in a red nova . alek spera threatens to hand over compromising videotape of beau to the police unless margaret comes up with $ 50  000 by 4 o ', clock the next day . but margaret ', s life is about to get a lot more complicated  for alek turns out to be something she never expected . based on elisabeth sanxay holding ', s novel " the blank wall  " " the deep end " is a well - crafted thriller written and directed by scott mcgehee and david siegel ( " suture " ) . it makes the most of a talented but not particularly well - known cast -- goran visnjic plays alek with a suave likeability  jonathan tucker shines as the conflicted beau  peter donat is amusing as grandfather hall  and josh lucas has an equally small but effective role as the hapless darby reese . the film is also lovingly photographed by giles nuttgens and features an evocative score  courtesy peter nashel . but it owes everything to british actress tilda swinton . swinton  whose pale - faced ethereal beauty has graced many of derek jarman ', s films ( " caravaggio  " " edward ii  " " the last of england " )  plays margaret hall in " the deep end " and  like charlotte rampling in this year ', s " under the sand  " turns in a commanding and accomplished performance . margaret is a devoted mother who is willing to risk everything to protect the ones she loves  and swinton captures every frustration  every fear  every subtle examination and every fervent realization and every nervous oscillation of her being . the role calls for an extremely wide range of emotions none the least of which is simply playing a mother beset with a multitude of domestic responsibilities . many can relate to that  of course ; it ', s the murder cover - up and the blackmail and the fear of losing one ', s son that swinton so gracefully  so graciously  makes resonate with the truest of colors . the end is deep all right  and there isn ', t a single shallow moment in tilda swinton ', s canon .
pos i hate to burst your bubble  but after all the star power  mega bucks  screenwriters  directors  and cool trailers  men in black is not the best movie of the summer . it ', s pretty good in it ', s own right  yes  but i would probably split the " best movie " honors among face / off  spawn  con air  and maybe event horizon . it ', s main problem is that it ', s quickly forgettable  and i can ', t remember one truly good scene from it . from con air  it was the scene out in the desert when they were digging the plane out from the dirt . in spawn  it was the " living room hell " conclusion at the end . in event horizon  it was the video of the event horizon crew being taken over by hell ', s forces . and all of face / off was pretty dang good . but as for men in black  the only scene i still recall is when will smith is squishing all those giant roaches . i remember it not for it ', s humor but because i am hate roaches with a passion and was pretty disgusted . and yes  i did see mimic  which is something i ', ll touch on in a later review . back to men in black ( is it just me  or does that sound funny ? ) i remember first hearing about men in black back when i was a comic geek in the 7th grade and read magazines like wizard  etc . ( for those of you who aren ', t comic - geeks  wizard is basically to comics what car and driver is to cars  what the new yorker is to high society  what boy ', s life is to boy scots . okay  that one was pretty pathetic . ) few people know this  but men in black is based on a very obscure comic book that was  while not honest - politician - rare  very hard to find . this was after the release of the high - grossing batman forever  and it said that tommy lee jones and chris o ', donnell were being considered for the roles ( in the comic book  there were no black men in black . kind of weird  huh ? ) all i can say is  thank god they didn ', t cast chris o ', donnell . i know i can ', t be the only person on the planet who thinks he ', s an annoying  preppie little snot . . . sorry . my apologies to o ', donnell fans . i actually had a 7th grade teacher who was a big comic collector and was set to buy some of the comics from him  anticipating rather craftily that  if the movie was a big hit  it would drive up the price of the comics rather nicely . he decided not to sell them to me  because they were " innappropriate " . hmm . . . . so now you ', re probably wondering why i ', ve wasted about 5 paragraphs with lame anecdotes from my junior high years . good question . i ', ll move on to the movie now . as you probably already know  will smith and tommy lee jones ( agents k and j  respectively ) belong to a top secret agency known as divison 5  or it ', s nickname mib ( men in black . ) men in black is a reference to the black suits and sunglasses the agents wear  and they ', re mission is to investigate reports of alien landings and keep the aliens under control while they ', re here on earth . not to get too technical or spoil the plot for the 6 people in the world who haven ', t seen this movie  but a basically - big - roach - type - bug lands in a redneck farmer ', s yard  inhabits his body  and attempts to destroy the entire universe . not bad  eh ? ( i have no idea why i just typed that . i ', m not even really paying attention anymore . ) the special effects are good yet dissapointing in men in black . i found their main headquarters to be boring  as were the " cool weapons " they had . the noisy cricket just plain sucked  no matter what anyone said . and the movie definitely surprised me in tone  although it probably shoudln ', t have . it ', s director  barry sonnenfield  is known for " black humor "  directing both addams family movies . this movie was basically a " black comedy "  not an action / sci - fi like i expected from the trailers . don ', t get me wrong on what i think of this movie . it ', s not bad  i gave it * * * . it was mostly entertaining throughout it ', s run  and had a very good ending  although i think i was the only person in the theater not amazed by it . my diagnosis for this picture : a good weekend rental  but not worth a movie ticket . of course  the movie is now long gone from theaters  but that ', s beside the point . i think .
pos susan granger ', s review of " osmosis jones " ( warner bros . ) if the farrelly brothers taught anatomy & physiology in school  no one would cut ever class . this hip  live action / animation story begins as a monkey snatches a hard - boiled egg from frank  a zookeeper ( bill murray )  who grabs it back  drops it  then gobbles up the contaminated morsel  explaining  " if it hits and ground and you pick it up within 10 seconds  you can eat it . " like " fantastic voyage " ( 1966 )  the pseudo - science animation then takes over when his body ', s immune system contacts traffic control as an ingested virus hits the digestive system : " be on the alert for illegal organisms ! " eager to right " a stomach evacuation mistake " he once made  a cocky  clever  courageous white blood cell ( chris rock ) declares  " this is a crime scene ! " and teams up with a conscientious " phi beta capsule " 12 - hour cold remedy called drixenol ( david hyde pierce ) to chase down and destroy the deadly " red death " virus ( laurence fishburne ) that ', s determined to take frank down in 48 hours  beating ebola and e . coli to a medical record . watch out for mucus mudslides  chaos in cerebellum hall and the detritus from booger dam ( runny nose )  along with comic turns from molly shannon and chris elliot  plus the voices of william shatner and brandy norwood . peter and bobby farrelly  along with writer mark hyman and animation directors piet kroon and tom sito  have turned their penchant for gross - out comedy  encompassing flatulence  festering sores and " popping a pimple without a permit  " into a funny  farrelly - funny family film . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " osmosis jones " is a wildly imaginative  original  explosive 7 . and perhaps  as they ', re laughing  kids will learn where to find their uvula  along with nuggets about nutrition and hygiene .
pos i must say from the outset that i have never been much of a kurt russell fan . i ', ve seen some of his films ( silkwood  backdraft  unlawful entry ) and while he gave adequate performances  i have never been impressed with his work . breakdown  then  is something of a surprise . russell gives a fine performance  as do most of the cast  one that is not upstaged by the action orchestrated in the second half of the film . to say that he holds the film together would not be completely true  but he does it no harm . russell plays jeff  one half of a married couple travelling with his wife amy ( kathleen quinlan ) cross country to san diego to start a new job and a new life . while journeying through the desert their car breaks down and  left helpless and stranded  jeff waves down a passing truck driver ( j . t . walsh ) who offers to take them to a nearby diner to call for a tow truck . because of a nasty incident earlier with a couple of ruffians  jeff decides to stay with the car while amy gets help . that  it seems  is the last time jeff ( or anyone else ) sees her . breakdown has been compared to several movies : george sluizer ', s the vanishing ( the original  hopefully  not his appalling hollywood remake )  steven spielberg ', s duel and any number of hitchcock films . as with these  breakdown does not  for the most part  stray down the conventional path of the american action - thriller . jeff does not become a gun - toting vigilante on the hunt for his wife  but instead becomes a scared  confused everyman who has no idea what the hell is going on . when we do find out what has happened to amy  it does come as a slight disappointment  if only because it ', s too early in the film ; i for one could have done with an extra twenty minutes or so of mystery and bewilderment  but this affects the film little . russell  as mentioned earlier  is very good in his role  and kathleen quinlan is nowhere near as annoying as she was in apollo 13 . j . t . walsh  as the possibly evil truck driver  is terrific ; he is one of the best of the fine batch of character actors hollywood doesn ', t seem to know what to do with  but director jonathan mostow is on the right track here . the reason he makes such a great villain is that he actually looks like a real person  one anyone would be able to trust  which makes the plot that much more believable . breakdown is what hollywood doesn ', t make enough of  a great thriller with believable characters and scenes that do  indeed  have viewers on the edge of their seats . one of the most genuinely exciting films i ', ve seen in a long time .
pos with the success of the surprise hit alien  directed by ridley scott  a sequel was inevitable . in fact  after watching the first film  a sequel was wanted  particularly by this reviewer . handing over the director ', s chair to recent box office gem james cameron  who had only made two films previous to this one ( pirahna ii  a surprisingly dull film  and terminator  making cameron a household name )  the alien series got a face - lift of immense proportions . instead of being a suspense / science fiction film  cameron alters the series and changing it into an action picture . what results is one of the most terrifying films ever created . a film like aliens comes along only once in a while  and when it does  audiences are usually unprepared for it . i never saw this movie in theaters  but i wish i could have . the terror and fright must have been unimaginable  most likely with audiences members literally shrieking in fear . aliens is an action film unlike any i have ever seen . with a science fiction plot  cameron gives aliens added testosterone  pumping up the action and fire power from the original film . in fact  aliens is one of those few sequels which tops the original . perhaps what makes the alien series so impressive is the hero -- or heroine  as the case may be . never have we had a more sympathetic hero in an action film  and never have i seen such an impressive acting job done by the main character . sigourney weaver is possibly the only actress who could play this character and make her realistic enough for us to care about . placing a woman in these situations would sometimes seem unusual  but because of weaver ', s presence  a woman is the only suitable hero . aliens begins 57 years after alien ended . lieutenant ellen ripley ( weaver ) is discovered in hypersleep on the nostromo and is awakened . she explains how she is the only survivor of her past encounter with the aliens  but " the company " is doubtful . they explain that a colony of families is flourishing on the same planet from which she just left . despite stern warnings from ripley  the company remains rigid and won ', t call the families back . however  when the company loses contact with the colony  ripley ', s story seems much more feasible . one of the company ', s directors  carter burke ( paul reiser )  wants to gather a team to travel to the planet . this team includes a buff private vasquez ( jenette goldstein )  a questionable corporal hicks ( michael biehn )  and a loyal android bishop ( lance henriksen ) . burke tags along with ripley as they fly to the planet in order to locate the members of the colony . arriving on the planet  the team finds most of the human life extinguished in a cocoon - type environment . the only survivor is 12 year old rebecca " newt " jorden ( carrie henn ) . ripley finds this a chance to be the mother she never had the opportunity to become  and she becomes newt ', s surrogate mother . ripley and newt are the only ones who knows what has happened  and soon  all hell breaks loose . aliens not only multiplies the thrills and suspense from scott ', s version  it also multiplies the number of aliens in general . alien focused on one alien in particular which systematically killed each crew member  except ripley  who managed to jettison the alien out of the nostromo . aliens focuses on an entire race of these aliens  and as a result  the chills are incredibly heightened . then again  this is james cameron  the guy who has given us true lies and terminator 2 : judgment day . he is the best action director out there ( topping renny harlin  who directed cliffhanger )  and only he could create something as terrifying as this film . it seems that every alien film seems to have some memorable scene or scenes  and aliens has the motherload . with perhaps one of the most astonishing endings ever created for an action film  aliens climax never seems to hit until the viewer is nearly pushed to extreme exhaustion . i can ', t recall another film ever to sustain this level of intensity throughout  never dropping for a moment . just when you think the movie is over  something else will occur  and it starts right back up again . with a seemingly endless conclusion  aliens ends with one of the greatest moments in film history . this scene is usually the one remembered most from the film  as lieutenant ripley steps into one of the lifting machines to fight the alien queen . using flawless special effects  the climax is exhausting  leaving any audience member drained from extreme anxiety . of course  for a film of this genre to work properly  the technical aspects must be realistic enough for us to believe what we see . aliens is completely realistic  even a decade after its initial release . the special effects are wonderfully seamless  with a terrifying alien to go with them . one of the most overlooked aspects of this film is the music  composed by cameron - regular james horner . horner has created a terrific score  receiving an oscar nomination for his work . not only that  horner has also created one of the best scores for any action film  or science fiction film ever ( and that includes 2001 : a space odyssey  which was mainly a compilation of well - known composers ) . in fact  the climax music is also some of the most recognized of film music . the production design is incredible  which also happened to snag a nomination from the academy . dark corridors lit by red lights are very impressive  but more impressive is the amount of terror which arises from well - lit locations . normally a film will be very dark in order to scare a viewer ; aliens uses lights to scare the viewer . then  of course  is the cinematography  which uses point of view shots  along with video feeds in order to build suspense . some of the scariest scenes involve the perspective of ripley . surprisingly  the acting is not only above average for this genre  but some of the best . sigourney weaver received an oscar nomination for her portrayal of ripley  incorporating the right amount of sympathy into her hard - edged persona . weaver soars above the rest in this film  but she is supposed to . carrie henn gives an above average performance for a child  developing a three - dimensional character from her quiet attitude . lance henriksen is terrific as bishop  showing that androids don ', t always have to be flat characters . jenette goldstein shows a fair amount of enthusiasm with her role  and steals several scenes of her own ( though her personality becomes slightly annoying when she isn ', t fighting ) . michael biehn gives a very nice performance in the most obligatory role of the film . however  biehn does a good job  making it seem original again . paul reiser may seem like an odd choice to play the sleazy corporate director  but reiser manages to pull it off quite well ( however  i still see him as paul on tv ', s " mad about you " ) . a very good cast ( which also includes bill paxton and william hope ) highlights this action film  making it stand out from others . aliens is rightfully rated r for violence  gore  language  and terror . aliens is sort of the redefining moment of the science fiction genre  as alien was more of a suspense / horror film . aliens pumps up the stakes  and cameron directs it with professional quality . cameron certainly knows how to make a good action film  but here he proves how he can create some truly horrific moments on screen . technically astonishing  aliens ', only flaw is small characters who are only there to get killed . aside from this  you probably won ', t experience anything like aliens for quite a while .
pos ingredients : neophyte lawyer  legal situations  corrupt insurance company  synopsis : rudy baylor ( matt damon ) is an ethical kid fresh out of law school who must juggle three legal situations at the same time . rudy ', s girlfriend is attacked by her violent husband ; rudy ', s elderly landlady wants to arrange her will so that her children are excluded  and ; the family of rudy ', s friend with leukemia is suing the corrupt insurance company that wouldn ', t pay for a bone marrow transplant . rudy is new to being a lawyer and is thoroughly outgunned  but luckily he is aided by a sleazy ambulance chaser ( danny devito ) who has failed the bar exam six times as well as by the kindly presiding judge ( danny glover ) . jon voight plays leo f . drummond  the intimidating and arrogant leader of the all - powerful insurance company ', s team of lawyers who will do anything to oppose justice . will rudy defeat leo ? will he enjoy being a lawyer ? opinion : the good news is that this movie has a happy ending  and it features a guy trying to do the right thing . director francis ford coppola does this film a little differently than the stereotypical law movie . in the typical lawyer movie there ', s one big case and the movie focuses on solving it  and somewhere along the line surprise witnesses and motives turn up before the good guy wins ( after lots of gripping courtroom drama ) . however  coppola ', s movie is deliberately more low key . ', the rainmaker ', plays out like a personality sketch of young rudy as he gets emotionally involved with and tries to save various little quirky side characters . in the background rudy ', s voice narrates his feelings and makes half - cynical jokes about the legal profession in general . two factors combine to make this movie less heavy than it can be . first  rudy ', s time is split juggling three cases  rather than concentrating on a single high - stakes case . also  rudy ', s use of voice narration in place of acting makes the film lose some of its dramatic edge . the end result is an entertaining low key law movie where the good guys win  and rudy narrates his way into coming of age .
pos in one of my many videos i have attained from the local library  casablanca was my third classic in some weeks . the others being citizen kane and vertigo ( yes  i am trying to see as many of afi ', s greatest movies ever made as i can ) . but  casablanca stood out from the rest for me : it was actually watchable . what most hail as the greatest american film ever  casablanca isn ', t so much a love story as a political frenzy with a love triangle thrown in . it seems that star humphry bogart spend about 85 percent of the movie with various leaders of the nation instead of with ingred bergman . that annoyed me  as did the ending . why didn ', t the plan turn around ? ! ? surprisingly  i enjoyed the film . i liked bogart ', s character and his acting ( not over the top as most actors in his era ) . i once read about if you had a choice to be in a movie  which one would it be  and a women said casablanca . at first i was thinking to myself " why ? " then  as i watched the film again  i understood why . the movie is very well done and the script top - notch  although i doubt i understood more than half of the political mumbo jumbo . casablanca is  in my mind  no classic ( like solaris )  but it is a good film and stylishly shot . hey  hollywood  how about this : a remake with harrison ford and anne heche ? now that would be a classic .
pos capsule : suprisingly more of a comedy than a straight action flick  which isn ', t necessarily a bad thing . not exactly oscar caliber  but one helluva bullet - riddled good time . extended review : you know  i remember when hitmen were evil  murderous scum . alas  the times are a - changin ', . in a recent string of movies  hitmen are suddenly wise - cracking  fun - loving killers - with - hearts . this brings us to hong kong director kirk wong ', s first american feature  the big hit . oddly enough  about the same time last year a similar film  grosse point blank  was released . advertised as a quirky comedy with hints of action  it turned out to have a suprising dosage of it . the big hit is quite the opposite . it was hyped as " the new film from producer john woo "  so one would it expect lots of stylized killing and action . however  there ', s a sore lack of it  which is about the only thing wrong with the big hit . the film starts out with mel smiley and his cohorts doing a job on a white slaver . mel  played by mark wahlberg in a dopey  milquetoast role  is a killing machine ; he flips  spins  even breakdances whilst popping caps . sadly  he doesn ', t get a chance to do much of it . except for the beginning set piece and the last 20 twenty minutes or so  the film is in comedy mode . the action  at least what there is of it  is prime cut stuff . wong  after numerous hong kong features  makes quite a nice u . s . debut . however  his pacing is a bit off  with the action sequences only bookending the movie and not lasting long enough . they start off electrifying and fresh  but just kinda stop . normally  this would hamper a movie to the point of being unenjoyable . luckily  we have ben ramsey ', s screenplay  a bitingly funny piece of work . the only problem is there might be too much humor  one joke makes you laugh so hard you miss the next few . some of best gags include an oriental film maker down on his luck and one of mel ', s hitmen pals that has just discovered onanism . the only problem is how some of the minor characters are handled  some being there only for a laugh  which sometimes works  sometimes doesn ', t . overall  the big hit may have it ', s flaws  but it makes up for them in a stylishly directed  gut - wrenchingly funny joyride . definately one of the better ways to spend two hours .
pos " when will the devil take me ? " he asks rhetorically in lulling voice over . the spoiled title character of _onegin_ ( pronounced oh - negg - in ) is waiting on death to relieve him after a lifetime of rapacious behaviour . martha fiennes ', debut feature is ( quite literally ) filmed poetry ( it ', s based on an epic russian poem by alexander pushkin )  a profound study of regret  of how we confuse shame with guilt . when we first meet eugene onegin ( ralph  acting for his sister ; another brother  magnus  composed the score )  a philandering aristocrat from st . petersburg  he has just inherited his uncle ', s estate . with plans to sell it  onegin pays a summer visit to the manor  which is located in an underpopulated russian countryside  and not long into the trip he meets a neighbouring family of blue bloods . smitten with olga larina ( headey )  he befriends olga ', s fianc ?  vladimir lensky ( stephens )  while olga ', s sister  tatyana ( tyler )  romanticizing his flippant attitude ( he ', s a nineteenth bad boy )  falls for onegin . in one sweaty  inky torrent of passion  tatyana writes him a love letter . he is at least intrigued by the note but rejects her affections  it is implied  because he can . soon after  tragedy strikes  and onegin makes himself scarce . when we catch up with him  six years later  he has just returned to st . petersburg  where at a grand ball he discovers that an old friend ( donovan ) has married a more womanly and wordly tatyana . this time  onegin finds her irresistable . what is most amazing about ralph fiennes ', performance is his subtle physical transformation from dashing snob to miserly grouch . overwhelmed by a top hat  the onegin who pines for tatyana seems smaller in stature than the one who brushed her off  an ebeneezer scrooge trapped in christmas past . the actor has been constricted playing heroes for too long now - there ', s room to breathe in a role that ', s made up of shades of gray like " onegin " . petula clark sang of a universal phenomenon in " parking lot " : " you don ', t know what you ', ve got ? til it ', s gone . " onegin ', s about - face on tatyana speaks for those of us ( read : most of us ) who need confirmation that someone or something is wanted by others before we want it as well . what the character feels is not jealousy but remorse  embarrassment  even  at having let her go . out of identification we feel empathy for onegin  a callous bastard . tatyana ', s emotions echo a thousand ditties  but that makes them no less vital . she changes  too  from a girl in crush to a woman with divided loyalties . tyler acquits herself surprisingly well among her uk co - stars  filling in sketchy gaps by expressing base sentiments in a series of wanton stares . they both have faces  mr . fiennes and ms . tyler  capable of conveying archetypal russian misery . _onegin_ could have added up to little more than a distinguished episode of " masterpiece theater "  even with its current cast of thoroughbreds intact  were martha fiennes not at the helm . an mtv background ( she cut her teeth directing rock videos for xtc and others ) has positively influenced her sense of pace ( though  thankfully  not her shot lengths - no spasmodic cutting here ) ; at just over 100 minutes  _onegin_ clicks along like a brisk walk through valleys of despair . the film has an atypical period look  as well . absent are the sumptuous tableware and antique furnishings that stand in for plot and character in those drippy merchant ivory productions . the sets are almost expressionistically bare  echoing the loneliness of the protagonists . ( cinematographer remi adafarasin often allows space to engulf them ; i ', m reminded the climax  which unfolds in a sea of white . ) martha fiennes has a clear command of cinema  and her spare  often painfully human visual presentation of " yevgeny onegin " is arguably the most lucid translation of pushkin ', s difficult text yet . ms . fiennes may be the most exciting female presence behind a camera since jane campion .
pos bruce barth ', s mellow piano plays in the background as conflict erupts in a little country town of florida . ulee ', s gold feels like another fonda creation - on golden pond : it has a soft  calm surface with a tempest brewing underneath  the cinematography creates a place of gold  yellow  and olive colors  the music is stirring and tranquil . both deal with the hardships of family life . peter fonda gives his undoubtedly best performance in victor nu ? ez ', s new film and patricia richardson ( home improvement star ) shows she is worthy of big screen attention . nu ? ez is probably independent film ', s greatest asset  along with john sayles  and he proves his talent with a slow pace and undulating  heavy tension . peter fonda ', s performance borrows from his father henry fonda ', s in on golden pond - there is a great vulnerability that he gives the character ulee jackson and just like his father  peter fonda is quiet  emotional  and weary in this exceptional role . ulee jackson  the film ', s protagonist  is struggling . pressure is mounting at the wrong time . he is a beekeeper and this is his " busy " season . he has to deal with his two granddaughters ', needs and erupting hormones  he is forced to pick up his daughter - in - law in orlando who is strung out on drugs and take care of her  and he is faced with a challenging task : unsettled business his son  who is now in prison  has left behind . he finds his daughter - in - law  helen  with the two men his son robbed a bank with . she has apparently told these two men that the money that resulted from the robbery is with her husband . that is why he got caught - the police found him with the money . now the two men are demanding they get the cash  or they will come after ulee ', s two granddaughters . ulee promises he will bring it to them and takes a deranged helen back to his serene little home where her two children that she abandoned scrutinize her with contempt . ulee is a man who lost his pals in war - he was the only man in his platoon to survive . he refuses help from anybody and does not respond to affectionate gestures . he is a bitter  closed - off man whose only passion is his beekeeping  his granddaughters  and his dead wife . connie  his next door neighbor  finally gets through to him with friendly favors . she is a nurse and helps helen get through her turmoil with drugs . ulee ', s gold is the story of a man who believes he is fine as he is - until the truth is revealed painfully to him : he is cold and unfeeling . of course  in the end  ulee softens up  but his journey is absorbing and we have fallen in love with his tiredness and weariness . what is admirable about the movie is peter fonda ', s winning turn as ulee and the story that feels like nobody ', s fool but  in the end  ends up in a class of its own .
pos susan granger ', s review of " big eden " ( jour de fete ) it ', s utopia  this tiny town tucked away in the timberland of northwestern montana  where old codgers lounge on the porch of the general store to pass the time away and the local matchmakers ( nan martin  louise fletcher ) eagerly pair off the young people  regardless of sexual preference . there ', s nary a homophobe or bigot around  much to the surprise of henry hart ( arye gross )  a successful but lonely manhattan artist who returns home to care for sam ( george coe )  the ailing grandfather who raised him . and with the simultaneous re - appearance of his best - friend from high - school and object of his unrequited love ( tim dekay )  now divorced with two young sons  the fact of his homosexuality must be faced . to complete the triangle  there ', s the tall  taciturn native american ( eric schweig ) who owns the general store and lovingly yet secretly prepares gourmet meals for henry and sam . this fable about home and family is a major debut for first - time film - maker thomas bezucha ( a former designer for coach and polo / ralph lauren ) who is meticulous about minding details  using ballads like " welcome to my world " and " achin ',  breakin ', heart " to set up the concept of our universal longing to find a place in which we can love and be loved . in the paradise of big eden  what you are doesn ', t matter as much as generosity of spirit  respect and kindness . sure  the plot ', s implausible but it ', s a good - natured fantasy so allowances should be made . and rob sweeney ', s photography of glacier national park is spectacular ! on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " big eden " is a charming  quirky  off - beat 7 . it ', s a heart - warming romantic comedy about a gay man who doesn ', t die of aids or wind up alone at the end .
pos when you go to the movies as much as i do  you unfortunately end up seeing certain movie trailers one too many times . such was the case with frequency . every time i went to a screening  there was the frequency preview . it looked awful . it looked cheesy  sappy and ridiculous . it looked like a flop . well  whoever put that trailer together should be fired  because in terms of pure entertainment  frequency is one of the best of the year thus far . frequency boasts a compelling story line . an occurrence of freakish solar activity allows police detective john sullivan ( james caviezel ) to speak to his fireman father frank sullivan ( dennis quaid ) through a ham radio  despite the fact that frank has been dead for 30 years . john is able to give his father information that prevents his death in a warehouse fire  but by doing so causes other changes . somehow  a serial killer ', s reign of terror  which in the original timeline had been stopped at three murders  extends to ten victims . . . including john ', s mother . this is director gregory hoblit ', s third film ( the other two being primal fear and fallen ) . with all three  he ', s managed to attach himself to great scripts ( this one by toby emmerich  whose only previous movie experience was as a music supervisor on numerous new line films ) and add equally great direction . also  he apparently likes to have his films wrap up with a kick - ass ending . frequency is no exception  the ending is unpredictable and incredibly satisfying . hoblit is three for three  and i hope he can keep it up . now everyone can argue logic this and logic that all you want with the sci - fi elements of frequency . but the fact of the matter is that time travel has never been achieved . who ', s to say how something works and how it doesn ', t when it ', s never happened ? is it because we ', ve become accustomed to time travel " laws " from other places like " star trek " and the back to the future trilogy and " quantum leap " ? yes  if you sit down and think about it  certain plot elements in this film probably won ', t make any sense . most films are like that . don ', t let that dissuade you from seeing this fantastically entertaining film however . when frequency was over  it made me wish i had seen it with my father so i could have given him a hug ( okay okay  shut up ) . when you break it down past all its sci - fi elements and serial killer antics  frequency is simply a movie about a father and his son and the bond that they share . it ', s touching  it ', s sincere  and it ', s what ultimately makes this movie work . [ pg - 13 ]
pos it must be tough to be a mob boss . just ask paul vitti ( robert deniro )  a man who finds his job as mafia head to be rather stress inducing . i can believe it  too - one can ', t even begin to fathom the turmoil he must go through when he ', s forced to choose between an ice pick  baseball bat or sledgehammer to torture victims with . suffering from reoccurring panic attacks  paul decides he needs to consult some professional help . and who better than billy crystal . after appearing in bottom - of - the - barrel flops  father ', s day and my giant  crystal finally finds a reliable costar and some very promising material here . playing vitti ', s private shrink  the two very different stars strike an unorthodox  but interesting relationship that carries this enjoyable comedy on a steady wave of laughs from start to finish . casting robert deniro as paul vitti is something of an in - joke  i think . placed in this mobster ', s shoes  deniro gets to spoof characters he himself played in films like the godfather  part ii and casino . it ', s obvious he ', s having a lot of fun doing so . the man behind the camera is harold ramis  whose credits include ghostbusters ( as writer and star )  and his best directing effort  the bill murray vehicle  groundhog day . ramis has a knack for drawing laughs because he simply knows what ', s funny  and here he manages to accentuate the strengths of nearly all the actors . the only character who weakens the payoff is crystal ', s bride - to - be ( lisa kudrow ) . playing the same dumbed - down role as she does in friends  kudrow is amusing  but doesn ', t fit into this comedy mold as well as the director may have hoped . the supporting cast sparkles . joe viterelli is hilarious as jelly  vitti ', s pea brained right - hand man  and chazz palminteri is a show stopper playing a fellow mobster who ', s in desperate need of the definition of ` closure ', . the movie manages to maintain consistent chuckles throughout  putting the emphasis on 3 or 4 really big laughs that will have audiences grasping their sides . the situation is just too cute to resist . it ', s unfortunate that the language gets somewhat out of hand . but hey  if you ', re in the mafia  using obscenities probably comes naturally . and near the end  seeing billy crystal attempt to walk and talk like a mob boss is truly a special treat .
pos the caveman ', s valentine starring samuel l . jackson  ann magnuson  aunjanue ellis  tamara tunie screenplay by george dawes green  based on his novel directed by kasi lemmons * * * for more film  dvd and books about movie reviews  plus annual coverage of the toronto international film festival  visit _film freak central_ - http : // filmfreakcentral . net | now with search engine * * * a strange mixture of _shine_  _basquiat_  _angel heart_  and grant morrison & dave mckean ', s graphic novel " arkham asylum "  _the caveman ', s valentine_ is a feverish tale of a homeless madman - cum - detective who  on the morning of february 14th  discovers a " valentine " just outside his new york cave : one of ella fitzgerald ', s strange fruit  stuck in the crotch of a tree -- a young male model murdered and frozen to a branch . believing at first that his imagined nemesis stuyvesant  shooting evil rays into his mind from atop the chrysler building  is responsible for the murder  romulus ( samuel l . jackson ) is put on the trail of an avant - garde photographer in the mapplethorpe mould  david leppenraub ( colm feore ) . his minor sleuthing interrupted by the occasional delusional fit and bouts with an ecstasy of creation ( romulus was a brilliant julliard - trained pianist prior to his psychosis )  romulus uncovers clues and harasses suspects on his way to convincing his police - woman daughter ( aunjanue ellis ) that even though he ', s a nut  that doesn ', t mean that he can ', t solve a high - profile society murder . every moment an exhausting workshop of ideas  and every character the same  _the caveman ', s valentine_ is a concept so " high concept " that it suddenly became clear to me that the film fits into the comic book genre of entertainment  with romulus ', s " caveman " a slightly more mundane version of todd mcfarlane ', s urban noir hero  spawn . with a long - vanished wife ( tamara tunie ) acting as a spiritual guide  the occasional social caste commentary  the secret base in a cave  a divergent genius personality with a network of informants and supporters  and a wickedly colourful arch - enemy  the film piles on the lurid comic book details and dizzying slapdash colours to such a lavish extent that i was vaguely surprised that the blue police cars weren ', t inscribed with " gotham pd . " that being said  _the caveman ', s valentine_ can only really succeed as a heroic fantasy  a frank miller graphic novel that has the audacity to portray the blood staining a field of virgin snow expanding to form the shape of a heart . the difficulties with the film spring from the misunderstanding that it somehow adheres to the conventions of a thriller or a police procedural when  in fact  _the caveman ', s valentine_ is a superhero fable that takes on the cause of the homeless ( again like mcfarlane ', s spawn ) while attacking the entrenched ruling classes in government and the arts . it is no small detail that our hero  romulus  is not only named for a member of the ruling class who lived his life ( in legend ) without knowledge of his royal birth  but also that our romulus has turned his back on the comforts of the literati in favour of a mystical existence living in a cave in a park . in the romulus mythology  signs of romulus ', royal blood is brought by twelve vultures  while in the film  the call to action for our hero comes in the form of not the carrion birds  but of the carrion itself . whether or not romulus of _the caveman ', s valentine_ will found a nation  or  in the case of novelist george dawes green  upon whose novel his own screenplay is based  a franchise  the fact remains that _the caveman ', s valentine_ is easily the most misunderstood film of 2001 thus far . it  along with m . night shyamalan ', s _unbreakable_  is a mature cinematic extrapolation of the graphic novel format which has  since miller ', s seminal " the dark knight returns "  redefined the comic medium as one suitable for mature ruminations on psychologically sticky topics . readers of sam keith ', s brilliant " the maxx " comic series ( or of mtv ', s short - lived animated adaptation of the same ) are already familiar with the idea of a homeless man placed in the position of knight errant and king of his own twisted demesne . the failure of both " the maxx " tv show and of _the caveman ', s valentine_ ( not forgetting the initial backlash against _unbreakable_ ) suggests that the public may not be ready for america ', s surprising contributions to dark fantasy . luxuriantly lit  brashly saturated  and comic - panel framed with a virtuoso grace by cinematographer amy vincent ( _death in venice  ca_ )  while inhabiting robin standefer ', s ( _practical magic_ ) mesmerizing sets  _the caveman ', s valentine_ is an unremittingly gorgeous film . kasi lemmons  following up her brilliant 1997 debut  _eve ', s bayou_  which played on similar themes of manufactured realities and mysticism  fulfills much of her immense promise with a tale of seraphs and lost boys  artists and suffering . _the caveman ', s valentine_ is an elegant and piquant expression of hope for justice in a tilted landscape . clearly not for every taste  when approached with the correct paradigm  it is one of the most stunning and intensely fascinating films of the year : a redefinition of the hero archetype for a post - modern audience with urine - stained wool trench coats in place of blue tights and red capes . _the caveman ', s valentine_ is a fine and a courageous film  crazy enough to suggest that the delirious yammering of an idiot savant is the best and truest paladin of order in the chaos of eliot ', s rat ', s alley wasteland .
pos expand the final fifteen minutes of home alone into a feature - length film and you ', ve got baby ', s day out -- an agreeably amusing children ', s comedy about a bumbling band of kid kidnappers who are unwittingly outwitted by an innocent infant . the plot tracks a trio of crooks - posed - as - photographers ( mantegna  pantoliano  haley ) who steal nine - month - old bennington august cottwell iv  aka baby bink  from his old - money home . but the plan goes awry when baby crawls out an open window and into the streets of downtown chicago ! following the path of his favorite story  called " baby ', s day out  " baby rides a bus and visits the zoo and winds up at a skyscraper construction site . while baby stays unscathed  the crooks fare worse for the wear . the stooges get hit by boards and dropped from roofs and  of course  suffer multiple crotch injuries . ( john wayne bobbitt should probably steer clear of this one . ) like he did in planes  trains  and automobiles  john hughes again demonstrates his mastery of the simple set - up and extended execution . here  he ', s aided and abetted by a director  patrick read johnson  whose choreography could rival a coen brother . best bit : baby crawling across a busy city street . baby ', s day out has only two emotions -- awww and ouch -- and the actors play them accordingly . forget the cartoon concern of lara flynn boyle or cynthia nixon  disposable as mom and nanny  respectively  the ones to watch are the ones who are wincing . joe mantegna is a great head stooge  barking lines like " that little doo - doo machine is my retirement money . " brian haley has a great scene with a gorilla  while joe pantolianto plays curly to mantegna ', s moe . * he * is funny . needless to say  twins adam and jacob warton are adorable beyond belief .
pos waiting at the train station near the beginning of fury  joe says : ` after all  we ', re human . ', in the context of events to transpire  joe ', s line is prophetic  foreshadowing the internal conflict of the protagonist in the latter half of the film . does being human necessarily imply humane behavior ? through the baseness of human character exemplified in the formation of a mob  fritz lang prompts the viewer to consider whether our inclination towards impulsiveness supersedes our civility . expressing his abhorrence towards the rise of nazism in his homeland  lang takes great care in creating a sense of discomfort during the scenes of mob hysteria . in the scene prefacing the lynching  the mob achieves critical mass at the bar . deputy meyers is brought in as an exalted informant  but when he is unable to augment the mob ', s myth of joe  he is quickly renounced from his position as town gossip . we see in a shot where two bar patrons are arguing that the deputy looks around nervously at the growing monster and then carefully slips out of the bar . what is quietly horrifying is the realization by both the audience and the deputy that the crowd no longer exists within the confines of reason and has succumbed to what the barber referred to as impulse . what once was excitement to the deputy has turned into fear with the realization that he is now powerless . to the audience  the deputy ', s quiet exit concurs with their own sinking feeling of uneasiness as the mob ', s delirium crescendos . lang educes this discomfort not through movement of the camera  but rather its stillness . the shot ', s composition places the audience equidistant and directly across from the pair of arguing patrons and the deputy effectively becomes a mirror to our own apprehensions . as the intensity of the mob closes around deputy meyers  it does so around the viewer as well . the stationary camera in this shot heightens our fears because when the deputy escapes  we are deserted by our reflection and the viewer becomes the sole proprietor of sensibility amongst a swarm of irrationality . because the camera does not track the deputy ', s movement  we are left with an amplified perception of desertion and vulnerability . as the bar scene progresses  the camera pans 180 degrees to reveal the fury of the mob . this shot is unique because it is a point - of - view shot where the audience  not a character in the film is the subject . while a long  or dolly shot may objectively reveal the size of the mob  panning from the mob ', s belly distorts the audience ', s spatial reference and exaggerates the claustrophobia of the scene ; we feel we are at the epicenter of something infinitely large . we see close shots of people ', s faces  contorted by their rage . with the pivot of the pan being in the center of the mob and angry members within a short radius of the pan  lang offers the viewer a sense of what it feels like to be the subject of a lynching . in this shot the audience is at the mercy of the mob ; lang ', s camera makes us feel vulnerable and powerless as joe must have felt in the jail . in some greater sense  it must have been what lang felt when he saw his countrymen overcome with unjustifiable hatred towards their own humankind . lang ', s observations of his fellow man succumbing to mob behavior left him with an indelible image of malevolent human behavior . as joe faces his peril  trapped in his burning cell  his dog rainbow rushes to be by his side . lang makes rainbow a martyr to contrast his humanity against the recklessness of his human counterparts . using his camera to create shots that elicit disturbing images of mob mentality  lang depicts man ', s volatility and ` impulse ', towards inconceivable cruelty . reprising joe ', s line at the train station  we are induced to question why our primeval impulses so easily transcend our humanity .
pos because the press screening of " planet of the apes " was one day past last issue ', s deadline  i was afforded the opportunity to see the film a second time  listen to audience reactions and read a heap of reviews before writing this piece . the chief complaints of those who disliked the futuristic adventure appear to be that the movie focused on visuals instead of substance  that the story was thin  that mark wahlberg ', s character was colorless and that the surprise ending sucked . to those people i would like to say ? what the hell did you expect ? this is a tim burton movie  boys and girls . tim burton movies have great art direction and thin  clunky stories . for the blissfully nasty  disjointed and underrated " mars attacks ! " ( jonathan rosenbaum of the chicago reader and i were two of the only critics in america to praise the movie ) burton reportedly tossed vintage " mars attacks ! " trading cards onto the floor and based his story on the ones that landed face up . burton ', s re - imagining of the 1968 story of an astronaut that lands on a planet where apes rule men looks great . the apes  courtesy of make - up magician rick baker  are dazzling and ape city is a wonder to behold . like astronaut leo davidson ( wahlberg )  the film hits the ground running  whisking viewers through a head - spinning series of solid one - liners and engaging vignettes and establishing a sense of thrust that carries us through the more traditional fight scenes that come later . as for wahlberg  consider what burton does with his character . from his start as a filmmaker  burton has shown his fascination with colorful misfits ( pee - wee herman  the joker  ed wood  the ack - acking martians  etc . ) and lack of interest in standard issue heroes . so leo davidson spends most of the movie getting the living shit kicked out of him before the biggest guilt trip in history is dropped on his shoulders . as for lack of color  remember  leo only launches into space to get his monkey back . he doesn ', t want to lead humanity and he isn ', t looking for romance from a pretty  but dull human ( estella warren ) or a dynamic ape ( helena bonham carter  terrific as an equal - rights activist ) . as a man who just wants out  wahlberg is focused  subtle and sly . the surprise ending provides the requisite shock ( and some more dandy visuals  particularly of the approaching authority figures )  but admittedly isn ', t nearly as satisfying as the one in the original . for the original ending to work  we only had to make one simple connection  for this one  we have to write a whole new screenplay . the 1968 " apes " boasted a handful of great scenes  cool looking monkeys  a deliciously hammy performance by charlton heston ( who appears uncredited here as an aged chimp on his deathbed  re - delivering a classic line ) and a killer ending . but viewers had to suffer through numerous dull stretches punctuated by social and political messages delivered with the grace of a wrecking ball . the 2001 " planet of the apes " offers a different set of great scenes  much cooler looking monkeys  fine acting from wahlberg  bonham carter  paul giamatti and tim roth  and a not so good ending . it also gives us another chance to experience the skewed vision of tim burton and that ', s nothing to complain about .
pos in 1977  something never though possible happened . the film star wars was released  with extraordinary  never seen before techniques of special effects . the film set a new standard for special effects in film . not only did it set a standard for the special effects  it set a standard for film itself . the plot is one of the most creative i heard ever . the legend of star wars starts long ago with the jedi . the jedi were warriors who were wiped out by the dark side . darth vader is the leader of the dark side . ben obi - wan kenobi  played by sir alec guinness  was one of those jedi who is still alive today . darth vader was once a jedi  until he turned to the dark side . years after the killing of the jedi  darth vader is still around causing trouble . r2 - d2 and c - 3p0 are both what we call " driods "  or robots that are of assistance to humans . while an attack on the ship that princess leia  played by carrie fisher  is aboard  she inserts a message to r2 - d2  who is also on the ship . to obi - wan kenobi pleading for help . the princess is captured by vader  but r2 - d2 and c - 3p0 get away on an escape pod that eventually lands them on the remote planet of tatooine . the jawas  or small creatures who sell droids  pick r2 - d2 and c - 3p0 up to sell . they are bought by luke skywalker ', s ( mark hamill ) family . while luke is cleaning the droids  the message from princess leia is found . luke finds this obi - wan kenobi  and learns that obi - wan was a friend of luke ', s father  who is now dead . luke also learns his family was a jedi . after luke ', s family is killed by tropps from the dark side  ben decides to put luke through training to stop the dark side and destroy them once and for all . ben wants to create a new jedi . first  the two must find princess leia and serve her . han solo  played by harrison ford  and his sidekick chewbacca  played by peter mayhew  are consulted about providing a ship to complete the tasks necessary . after meeting up with leia  the film really picks up . luke continues his training as a pilot and to become a jedi  ben kenobi confronts darth vader  and many other interesting events occur . star wars is an amazing epic . the plot is so original and amazing  i cannot believe it . the special effects  especially for its time  are wonderful and realistic . the space scenes in particular are the most fun to watch . the ships flown by all are very unique and creative . the costumes are also out of this world . the scenery is so different from anything i have ever seen before . there are a variety of different very memorable set pieces that will stay with me forever . the entire premise of star wars is amazing . the creatures and droids that we see throughout the film are one of a kind . even the human characters are different . every character is extremely likable and different from characters from other sci fi films . the acting on everyone ', s part is great  especially that of sir alec guinness ', s . even though the concept is not realistic at all  it is pulled off very nicely . the acting  setting  effects  costumes  and sound make it work . if any of these were messed up  star wars would have come off as one huge joke . the ending works very well  and left it very open to the sequels that came afterward . in early 1997  a special edition of star wars was released . the film was re - mastered so it looked better than it did in 1977 . a few creatures were added here and there  and even an entire deleted scene with han solo and jabba the hutt ( seen in return of the jedi ) was added to the film . think that ', s enough ? on may 19  1999  star wars episode i : the phantom menace will be released  followed by two more films that will reveal what went on before a new hope . with this  star wars is bound to become the greatest tale told in our time .
pos if you want some hearty laughs  then rat race is the movie for you . this unpretentious little comedy  which sneaks into theaters today with very little hype  will have you bouncing in your theater seat . and while the film fits neatly into the low - brow  slapstick school of comedy  one refreshing aspect is its lack of mean - spiritedness . the plot follows a group of people chosen at random by an eccentric las vegas casino owner ( john cleese ) who must race from vegas to a bus station locker 700 miles away in silver city  n . m . inside the locker is a duffel bag containing $ 2 million . the first one to open the locker  gets the bag and the money . what the group of participants doesn ', t know is that cleese ', s donald sinclair ( " i can do anything i want - i ', m eccentric ! " ) is staging the race as a betting game for a group of high rollers at the hotel . the participants include vera ( whoopi goldberg ) and merrill ( lanai chapman )  a newly reunited mother and daughter ; disgraced pro football referee owen templeton ( cuba gooding jr . ) ; italian tourist mr . pollini ( rowan atkinson ) ; randy pear ( jon lovitz ) and his family ; the bumbling con men duane and blaine cody ( seth green and vince vieluf ) ; and cynical young lawyer nick shaffer ( breckin meyer ) . various amusing encounters and mishaps befall the participants en route to silver city . screenwriter andy breckman adds a nice touch by not having the racers try to sabotage one another . the most side - splitting situations involve vera and merrill ', s encounter with the squirrel lady  a nice nutsy cameo by kathy bates ; owen ', s commandeering a charter bus full of lucille ball look - alikes on their way to a lucy convention ; the cody brothers misadventures with a hot - air balloon  a flying cow and a monster truck ; and the pear family ', s stopover at a barbie museum  which turns out not to be what they think it is . the pear family situation is a fine example of the way breckman ', s script builds the laughs . without going into detail  this bit segues from the museum to hitler ', s touring car  to eva braun ', s dark lipstick  to lovitz burning his tongue  culminating at a ceremony honoring world war ii veterans . rat race ', s cast is first rate . cleese is wonderfully devilish and madcap ; lovitz is  at first  a bit whiny  but his character grows on you ; gooding is having a fine romp ; and dave thomas almost steals the show as cleese ', s deadpan assistant  a man " born without a personality . " the film is directed by jerry zucker  who knows something about comedy . along with his brother  david  and friend jim abrahams  he was responsible for such hits as airplane ! and ruthless people . a throwaway subplot  which is good for some laughs  features cleese and his buddies  betting on a series of outlandish situations  including one dealing with a hooker and pepto - bismol . this is a fun little feature . the only letdown comes at the finale  which is too touchy - feely and sweet  almost negating what came before it . rat race is a summer sleeper  but it will keep you awake  as will the laughter of those watching around you .
pos i had a chance to see a sneak preview of city slickers ii on campus last night . i went in with the expectation of a film with the similar flavor which made the original such a success : personal growth and insightful humor about life . i came away somewhat disappointed in this regard  getting some of the latter and not much of the former . the basic plot revolves around billy crystal  who plays mitch robbins  turning forty . he ', s now become the station manager of the radio station in which he worked in the original . he ', s given a job at the radio station to his best friend  played by daniel stern  out of sympathy while stern ', s character works through his divorce . his loser younger brother ( john lovitz ) comes to mitch ', s house to bum a money and place to live  all while mitch and his wife try to celebrate his birthday . during the celebration  mitch discovers what appears to be a treasure map in curly ', s ( the cattle drive leader in the original played by jack palance ) old hat . after a business trip to las vegas  crystal  stern  and lovitz stay a few extra days to go off in search of the treasure . on the way  they run into curly ', s twin brother  duke  played by ( you know who ) jack palance . first of all  the cinematography was beautifully done  especially the outdoor scenes in the desert . the scenes are such that i would like to see some of those sights filmed myself . there is some character development during the film . the actors remain true to their characters and play them well  without overplaying the jokes . the movie is a good basic adventure  with enough plot twists to provide for an ending that is difficult to predict . the movie is paced well  but with a couple slow spots in the middle and towards the end . humor - wise  the film has a good number of jokes which maintained my interest throughout the film . there are memorable moments like when stern is bitten by a snake  but there are fewer jokes to laugh at in the sequel ( surprise  surprise for a sequel  right ? ) . however  the slight bitter aftertaste i have with this film has to do mainly with the film ', s manipulation of the audience . the film tries to pull your heart - strings too much regarding how close the characters are to each other  like when mitch had decided to suck the snake marrow out of his best friend ', s butt . this is done again when the gang meets up with some members of the cattle drive group from the original . there were also some parts which appeared unrealistic  like whether the stampede would start in the way it did or why they didn ', t worry more about water while tromping around the desert . some strenuous stretches of the imagination are required here . since the objective of the gang is to find gold and get rich ( unlike finding themselves in middle age like in the original )  i also found it harder to empathize with the characters during their journey . overall  i ', d say that the film is an entertaining and humorous adventure with some story - line deficiencies making it less worthy than the original . it may be worth the full price of admission  but a matinee would be a better bargain .
pos the " submarine " genre of movies seems to be one of the most intriguing and compelling types of storytelling there is . think about it . . . these films are completely based in reality  yet only a handful of people have ever been on one  making them fascinating to the general public . they aren ', t like movies that take place on a plane or a train  as anybody can get on one of those . and they aren ', t like movies that happen in outer space either  because no one ', s done any of that stuff yet . when a new one comes out  you don ', t hear anyone say " ugh  another submarine movie " like people tend to say " ugh  another boxing movie " . look at modern movies that involve submarines : das boot  the abyss  the hunt for red october  crimson tide . . . all are well regarded as top - notch entertainment . gladly joining that bunch is u - 571  which stars matthew mcconaughey as the executive officer of a u . s . naval submarine during world war ii . we learn he has been denied a recommendation for his own command by his superior ( bill paxton ) . mcconaughey ', s crew then receives orders that they will be boarding a disabled german submarine to steal the enigma  a german communications encoding device that has stumped allied intelligence . the mission goes horribly wrong however  and as a result  mcconaughey and only a handful of his crew ( as well as a captured german ) become trapped aboard the u - 571 in enemy waters . the first great thing about u - 571 is the film ', s opening sequence . the german crew of u - 571 are under attack  which sets the events of the rest of the film into motion . it ', s tense  exciting and fascinating . and i applaud the filmmakers for not copping out and instead keeping the entire sequence in german with english subtitles . most movies with a scene this long would have panicked and had the german crew speaking english right away . once the plot gets moving  u - 571 gives us action sequence after action sequence  making the audience wonder " ok  now how do they get out of this ? " . the stakes keep raising ( much like in executive decision  an excellent action - thriller )  and even though the audience knows how the film will end  it ', s a lot of fun getting there . i only have two minor complaints about the entire film . the first comes from the scenes which follow the opening sequence . while their purpose is to introduce us to the characters and to get the story going ( which they do )  i feel as though it could have been done much quicker  and less conventionally . i mean  did we really have to see the ship ', s crew at a wedding ? because of that  you now know exactly what ', s going to happen to the groom ! my other gripe would be during the film ', s finale . there ', s an explosion which ends the film that is one of the weakest looking cgi effects since the president ', s plane crashed into the ocean at the end of air force one . i cannot stress this enough . . . until a cgi effect can be made to look like a model effect  stick with using models . yes  u - 571 is historically incorrect and there are surely some specifics in the plot that people who have been onboard a submarine will tell you " that couldn ', t happen "  but the overall point of this film is entertainment . it succeeds fantastically . [ pg - 13 ]
pos we share the descent into darkness of a talented boy pianist . years later we see his subsequent resurfacing ; in the mid 80 ', s a damaged man walks out of a rainstorm and back into the world . the movie charts the causes of his mental breakdown . based on the life story of david helfgott  this australian film is a rich exploration of the pressures drilling in upon a child - genius  compounded by the looming shadow of a domineering father . in the 1950 ', s helfgott emerged as a child prodigy . the film traces his relationship with his father  whose encouragement comes at the cost of demanding david have no life beyond that of the black and white keys . david is offered places in the usa  but his father refuses to let him leave australia . the effect this has upon helfgott is cleverly told via a single reverse tracked shot ; david is sobbing on the front doorway of his music teacher ', s house . he is well lit via the external house lights . his teacher isn ', t home . we pull back and see that the dark front room ', s window has it ', s curtains open . there  in a pool of blackness  is a grand piano . david ', s fall over the dark cliff has begun . instead of being told in a linear mode  shine jumps around in time  ala " pulp fiction " . this narrative device works well ; we see david as a boy  teenager in london and mental - patient in various snippets . the film then neatly loops back for its uplifting conclusion . adult - helfgott ', s return to the light is told in linear fashion . the lead role is played by 3 different actors  with the teenage - david ( taylor ) and adult - david ( rush ) standing out . whilst rush is known for his tv work in australia  i think this is his first major cinema work . his david  whilst clearly damaged - he keeps quoting his " daddy " in a babbling word torrent  cuddles strangers and grabs women on the breasts - is both touching and funny . taylor ', s teenage - david is the more sympathy producing role . we are mute witness to his gradual breakdown as the pressures just keep on building . his father wants him to play the very demanding rachmaninov ', s 3rd  whilst his teacher wants to start him with a simple mozart . technically this is a beautiful film and a lot of thought has gone in to the production . i particularly like the use of slow motion and sound effects . one scene has adult - helfgott happily babbling in a car in the rain . the sound of the windshield wipers fades up over his voice . with a clever subtlety  the wiper sound appears to morph into a rhythmic thumping  but of the same beat . the image dissolves and we realise the thumping is the slow motion applause of a crowd . but it ', s us being clapped . we are young - david walking up to the stage for our first public show . the music  as you would expect from a film of this subject matter  is critical . and it works very well . the ', miming ', of the actors piano playing is faultless ( apparently rush didn ', t mime ; he really did play ) helfgott ', s life is certainly not without it ', s sympathetic people . indeed his return to the ', normal ', world is accelerated by his chance meetings with two very special women . his ultimately uplifting story is a magic piece of theatre craft . it shows that with the ', help of god ', we can all find our way back home .
pos today  war became a reality to me after seeing a screening of saving priivate ryan . steve spielberg goes beyond reality with his latest production . the audience is tossed about the theatre witnessing the horror of war . please keep the kids home as the r rating is for reality . tom hanks is stunning as capt john miller  set out in france during ww ii to rescue and return home a soldier  private ryan ( matt damon ) who lost three brothers in the war . spielberg at time takes us inside the heads of these individuals as they face death during the horrific battle scenes . private ryan is not for everyone  but i felt the time was right for a movie like this to be made . the movie reminds us of the sacrifices made by our ww ii fighting men and women . we must not ever forget them as many gave the ultimate sacrifice  their lives so that we may live in freedom today . for this i thank them and for steve spielberg for making a movie that i will never forget . the academy will not forget tom hanks come april 1999  as another well deserved oscar with be in tom ', s posession .
pos well  i ', ll admit when i first heard about this film ( which was before dante ', s peak ) i could just smell what ', twister ', had started . so now it seems that we ', re in a full fledged return to the ', 70 ', s disaster film era . with ', twister ',  ', dante ', s peak ',  ', volcano ', and soon ', flood ', and james cameron ', s extremly expensive ', titanic ', i ', ll say first off i enjoyed ', volcano ', much more than i did ', dantes peak ', . part of that is just being biased as i usually enjoy anything that tommy lee jones appears in . i ', ve been reading a lot about the movie being ', cheezy ', or ', hokey ', and really didn ', t see or think that once during the entire film . i get bored easily and this film didn ', t bore me for a minute . another thing  and boy am i bitching today !  that bothers me is when critics and such go on about " well thats not really possible . " you know what ? i couldn ', t give a bloody damn if it ', s possible or not  really i couldn ', t . it ', s a freaking movie and i don ', t want reality thrown in my face . i want to be able to see the impossible  the all might " what if " to many reviewers have seen one to many movies ! the special effects are the second star to this feature . they are so amazing that i found it hard sometimes to believe they were indeed fx and la was was not burning to the ground . they did an incredible job and come oscar time ( if they remember ) some notice better be thrown there way .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . during the three years since the release of the groundbreaking success pulp fiction  the cinematic output from its creator  quentin tarantino  has been surprisingly low . oh  he ', s been busy -- doing the talk show circuit  taking small roles in various films  overseeing the production of his screenplay from dusk till dawn  making cameo appearances on television shows  providing a vignette for the ill - fated anthology four rooms -- everything  it seems  except direct another feature - length film . it ', s been the long intermission between projects as well as the dizzying peak which pulp fiction reached which has made mr . tarantino ', s new feature film  jackie brown  one of the most anticipated films of the year  and his third feature film cements his reputation as the single most important new american filmmaker to emerge from the 1990s . things aren ', t going well for jackie brown ( pam grier ) . she ', s 44 years old  stuck at a dead - end job ( " $ 16  000 a year  plus retirement benefits that aren ', t worth a damn " ) as a flight attendant for the worst airline in north america -- and she ', s just been caught at the airport by atf agent ray nicolette ( portrayed with terrific childlike enthusiasm by michael keaton ) and police officer mark dargus ( michael bowen ) smuggling $ 50 000 from mexico for gun - runner ordell robbie ( samuel l . jackson )  who has her bailed out by unassuming bail bondsman max cherry ( robert forster ) . the loquacious ordell  based out of a hermosa beach house where his horny  bong - hitting surfer girl melanie ( bridget fonda ) and agreeable crony louis gara ( robert de niro ) hang out  operates under the policy that the best rat is a dead rat  and he ', s soon out to silence jackie brown . meanwhile  the authorities ', target is ordell  and they want jackie to help them by arranging a sting to the tune of a half - million dollars . only through a series of clever twists  turns  and double - crosses will jackie be able to gain the upper hand on both of her nemeses . although jackie brown marks mr . tarantino ', s first produced screenplay adaptation ( based on the elmore leonard novel " rum punch " )  there ', s no mistaking his distinctive fingerprints all over this film . while he ', s adhered closely to the source material in a narrative sense  the setting has been relocated to los angeles and the lead character ', s now black . in terms of ambiance  the film harkens back to the 1970s  from the wall - to - wall funk and soul music drowning the soundtrack to the nondescript look of the sets -- even the opening title credit sequence has the echo of vintage 1970s productions . the opening sequence featuring ms . grier wordlessly striding through the lax  funky music blaring away on the speakers  is emblematic of films of that era . the timeframe for the film is in fact 1995  but the atmosphere of jackie brown is decidedly retro . of course  nothing in the film screams 1970s more than the casting of pam grier and robert forster as the two leads  and although the caper intrigue is fun to watch as the plot twists  backstabbing  and deceptions deliciously unfold  the strength of jackie brown is the quiet  understated relationship developed between jackie and max ; when they kiss  it ', s perhaps the most tender scene of the year . tenderness ? in a quentin tarantino film ? sure  there ', ve been moments of sweetness in his prior films -- the affectionate exchanges between the bruce willis and maria de madeiros characters in pulp fiction and the unflagging dedication shared by the characters of tim roth and amanda plummer  or even in reservoir dogs  where a deep  unspoken bond develops between the harvey keitel and tim roth characters -- but for the most part  mr . tarantino ', s films are typified by manic energy  unexpected outbursts of violence  and clever  often wordy  banter . these staples of his work are all present in jackie brown  but what ', s new here is a different facet of his storytelling -- a willingness to imbue the film with a poignant emotional undercurrent  and a patience to draw out several scenes with great deliberation . this effective demonstration of range prohibits the pigeonholing of mr . tarantino as simply a helmer of slick  hip crime dramas with fast - talking lowlifes  and heralds him as a bonafide multifaceted talent ; he ', s the real deal . this new aspect of mr . tarantino ', s storytelling is probably best embodied in a single character -- that of the world - weary  sensitive  and exceedingly - professional max cherry  whose unspoken attraction to jackie is touching . mr . forster ', s nuanced  understated performance is the best in the film ; he creates an amiable character of such poignancy that when he gazes at jackie  we smile along with him . much press has been given about the casting of blaxploitation - era icon pam grier in the lead  with the wags buzzing that mr . tarantino may do for her what his pulp fiction did to bolster john travolta ', s then - sagging career . as it turns out  ms . grier is solid in the film ', s title role  although nothing here forces her to test her range . i do have to take exception to the claim that this film marks her career resurrection  though -- she ', s been working steadily over the years  often in direct - to - video action flicks  but also in such recent theatrical releases as tim burton ', s mars attacks ! and larry cohen ', s original gangstas ( where she first teamed up with mr . forster . ) of course  it ', s true that her role here was a godsend -- a meaty a part as this is rarity for * any * actress  let alone one of her age and current status in the industry . while jackie brown may disappoint those looking for another pulp fiction clone  it marks tremendous growth of mr . tarantino as a director whose horizons are rapidly expanding  and whose characterizations have never been better . and while the film ', s narrative doesn ', t really warrant a running time of 155 minutes  it ', s filled with such sumptuous riches  ranging from the brashness of the vivid soundtrack to entertaining  inconsequential conversations between the characters  that there wasn ', t an unengaging moment . with an impressive trio of feature films under his belt  it ', ll be interesting to see what he tries next .
pos " last night " could have an " aka " tagged on the end of it that says  " it ', s the end of the world  and we feel fine " . " last night " is about just that . the last night of planet earth ', s existence . the world is going to end at precisely midnight  january 1st  2000 . how scientists were so accurately able to predict when this catastrophic event would occur is never explained . nor is the event itself . throughout the entire movie  no explanation is given as to why this is happening . in doing this  mckellar ( who also wrote and directed the film ) seems to be trying to transcend the genre . he ', s attempted to make a film about people  and how each of them deals with their last night of life . the film contains no science fiction elements  which allows the viewer to concentrate on the feelings and actions of the characters . mckellar is largely successful in his attempt to rise above his material . the film is set in toronto  and follows several people in their various escapades on the last night of existence . there ', s mckellar  who plays a man who just wants to be alone when the moment occurs  but keeps getting interrupted by a woman ( sandra oh ) in search of her husband . her husband  played by david cronenberg  is spending the day working at the gas company  informing people that they will attempt to keep providing gas right up until the end . finally  there ', s mckellar ', s friend  played by callum keith rennie  a man who has spent his final months trying out every sexual perversion you can think of . mckellar has crafted a gang of the some of the most interesting characters i ', ve seen in a film in months . these people all felt real to me  especially the character played by sandra oh . we can see her desperation  her utter need to be with her husband in the final hours . rennie is good  too  as the man who wants to literally try everything before he dies . he exudes such charm and likeablity  it ', s not surprising that we ', re rooting for him to get what he wants . but for me  the biggest surprise in the movie is mckellar . i knew that he was a talented director  but i had no idea he could act as well . his insistence to be alone  much to the dismay of his parents  is something that most people would find difficult to understand  but as played by mckellar  we can understand his reasons . he doesn ', t buy into the whole notion that just because everyone ', s going to die  he should immediately find some companionship . he realizes the relationship would be forced  and they would only be together for the sake of being together . mckellar gives a brilliant performance  and i hope he alternates between directing and acting . my only quibble with the film is that we never find out why the world is ending . i really wanted to know  and my need to know was hanging over the film at all times . i appreciate the fact that mckellar didn ', t want the material to rule the film  and that he wanted the movie to be more of a study in human behavious . however  in not telling the audience what the cause of earth ', s destruction is  he ', s left a big question that is in their minds throughout the film . another problem is we never see anybody panicking . i would imagine if the world was ending  and there was nothing to be done about it  a large segment of the population would be going out of their minds . instead  we are treated to shots of a giant crowd partying like it ', s new year ', s eve . i just didn ', t buy the fact that everyone had completely accepted their fate . no one had the urge to " rage against the dying of the light " . despite these small problems  " last night " is one of the best movies of the year . as opposed to the moronic " armageddon "  " last night " treats the subject at hand with maturity and believabilty . and bruce willis never shows up to save the day .
pos " a bug ', s life " may not be " toy story  " but it ', s more close than " antz " was . i really liked " antz  " basically because  yes  it is clever and witty and intelligent ( and it has the temerity to take a chance and put woody allen in the lead  perhaps the year ', s most inspired casting )  but there was  in fact  something missing from it  and i ', m the first to admit that . maybe it ', s that it never totally lets go and takes off into real innocent fun - it ', s too obsessed with its orwellian message to become totally engaging  and if it weren ', t for woody allen  it would have been just a really clever good - not - great flick . " a bug ', s life " has a similar premise  and it also has disney to insure that it ', s g - rated and not totally over kids ', heads like " antz " was ( not a bad thing  believe me )  but what it also has is a tone that ', s completely innocent even when it ', s also remaining perpetually clever . " antz " is still the more witty film  and i love it for it  and " a bug ', s life " is more for general consumption  but it ', s also more entertaining . it broadens its horizons  and when it really moves from the ant colony  it really shows us a whole new world we ', ve never seen before  and it ', s take on the evolution of bugs is a lot better than the one in " antz . " it ', s also light and clever . the visuals are  instead of earth tones  bright worldly colors  and still gives the amazing visual technology of " antz " at least a worthy contender . the characters are also nicely realized - though watered - down for broad consumption  they still carry more wit than the contemporary disney animated films . the lead character  flik ( voiced by dave foley )  is nothing more than a slightly - less neurotic z from " antz  " but foley makes him nearly as engaging as allen made z . instead of gene hackman playing the villain  we get the much more menacing kevin spacey as the lead grasshopper  the nicely - titled hopper . and for the romantic lead  we don ', t get spacey sharon stone  but intelligent and hard - to - get julia - louis dreyfuss  who doesn ', t even come around until the very final frames . not that the plot ', s really any better than the one in " antz " - it ', s basically yet another redux of " the seven samurai  " with an ant colony under the control of giant grasshoppers forcing them to produce a product for them or else . when flik  a bone fide inventor  creates a time - conserving apparatus that accidentally destroys the season ', s donation  he puts them all in risk  and is sent away so that he won ', t screw anything up with the pretense that he is searching for help to fight the grasshoppers . he runs into a group of " warrirors " who are  unbeknownst to him  a group of carnival bugs  and they agree to help under similar false pretenses . these bugs are an equally wonderful assortment to anything in " toy story " : foppish walking stick slim ( david hyde - pierce )  german caterpillar heimlich ( joe ranft )  quick - tempered and insecure male ladybug francis ( denis leary )  pretentious praying mantis manny ( jonathan harris )  his assistant butterfly hypsy ( madeliene kahn )  spider rosie ( bonnie hunt )  and two fleas  tuck and roll ( michael mcshane )  who speak in undiscernable jibberish . the writers lightly touch on each bug ', s place in bug society and the malleability thereof while making a wisecracks at everything they can  and blowing the audience away with wild visual treats . grasshoppers jumping in unison seems like a menacing earthquake . a small bird becomes an ominous mortal threat  whose usual mild - mannered squeal is a scream of death . the bug city is a modern - day metropolis  complete with fireflies temping as traffic lights and a fly sitting on the curb  holding out a cup  with a sign lying next to him that says " kid tore off wings . " and a rainstorm is like a giant flood  with each drop acting like a small bomb dropped at millions of miles per hour . around this  the pixar animators stage several large set pieces  like a resuce mission halfway through that is as wild and entertaining as anything this year  and a wonderfully exciting action piece at the end  a chase scene at night through the labyrinthine branches of a small thicket . meanwhile  each character gets the spotlight to be completely idisyncratic and interesting  something " antz " couldn ', t do  and by the end  over the end credits  " a bug ', s life " pulls it ', s final punch  out clever - ing " antz " with a series of incessantly hilarious faux - bloopers that come just at the right time  when those who leave immeadiately after the final frame of a film have left  and you can brag that you were one of the elite who stayed and got the full money ', s worth of entertainment . still  it ', s no " toy story . " that film  maybe above any animated film i ', ve ever seen  encompassed almost true perfection in story  character  and wit . it proved that it didn ', t need to brag about it ', s cutting edge technology to really soar ( it ', s the least visually striking of the three computer animated films thus far  but is still the most satisfying )  and created a perfect world of idiosyncratic delights and innocent fun . yet " a bug ', s life  " as well as " antz  " are still amazing films  and prove without doubt  that if you ', re gonna make a computer animated film  send it to the guys who created these three flicks  evne if they ', re not working under the same roof .
pos when i saw the trailer for " the sixth sense  " i didn ', t expect much from it . my snap judgment was that it was a watered - down version of " the shining " or possibly a late - entry in the glut of angel - related movies / tv shows of a couple years ago . but all the buzz motivated me to give it a shot . it turned out to be one of the most satisfying movie experiences of the year . bruce willis plays child psychologist malcolm crowe . at the beginning of the movie  he is admiring an award the city has given him for his work  but he is soon confronted by vincent  a patient malcolm failed years earlier ( donnie wahlberg - former new kid - in an impressive cameo ) . a year passes  and malcolm is treating another child with the same symptoms vincent displayed . cole sear ( haley joel osment ) is a withdrawn kid who is called " freak " by the other boys in the neighborhood . weird things seem to happen around cole - his mother ( olivia williams ) leaves the kitchen for a moment and returns to find every cabinet and drawer open even though cole hasn ', t moved - and cole seems to know things that a kid his age shouldn ', t - for example  that there was once a gallows in his school . he steals religious icons from churches to build a chapel in a pup tent in his bedroom . the trailer gave away the movie ', s first major plot twist . if it hadn ', t  the first hour of the movie would be more engrossing because we wouldn ', t know what ', s wrong with cole . if you ', re lucky enough to have not seen the trailer  stop reading this review right now and go see " the sixth sense . " anyway  since the trailer gave it away  i figure it ', s fair game to discuss here . once malcolm gains cole ', s trust  cole reveals his secret : he sees ghosts everywhere . dead people wander around not knowing that they ', re dead  invisible to everyone except cole . malcolm gradually begins to realize that cole is telling the truth . the box office success of " the sixth sense " has generated a lot of press about how horror movies rule the box office this year and lots of theories about why that ', s so . i hate to burst anybody ', s bubble  but " the sixth sense " isn ', t really a horror film . at its core  " the sixth sense " is a touching story of how a troubled kid and an emotionally - scarred adult help each other to move past their problems . some scenes with the ghosts are wonderfully creepy  though . one that really got to me : the ghost of a boy says to cole  " i ', ll show you where my dad keeps his gun " ; when the ghost turns  we see the bullet wound in the back of his head . osment gives the best performance i ', ve ever seen from a child actor . it ', s hard enough to find a grown - up in hollywood who can give a subtle  realistic portrayal ! although willis gets top billing  cole is really the protagonist of the story  and osment truly brings the complex kid to life . if only willis ', work were as impressive . accustomed to delivering catchphrases rather than dialogue  willis is stiff and awkward as malcolm  his most challenging role to date . ( this is a bad omen for his next movie  " the story of us  " which chronicles the ups and downs of a marriage ) . writer / director m . night shyamalan has a light  poetic touch that goes to the heart of the viewer without seeming sappy or trite . he ', s also a skillful storyteller  as the movie ', s ending demonstrates . only when the final secret is revealed do you realize that shyamalan has been hinting at it throughout the movie . look for a cameo by the director as a doctor who treats cole . bottom line : osment should get an oscar nomination  and you should go see this movie .
pos near the end of frank capra ', s holiday classic  its a wonderful life  george bailey ( jimmy stewart ) is feeling down . he has devoted his life to others  and never fulfilled his dream of leaving his small supburb town  bedford falls . standing upon a bridge above stormy waters  he looks down  contemplating suicide . he has potential he hasn ', t fulfilled -- yet  he has done so much for others . as a young chap  his ambition was to leave his hometown of bedford falls . but times and ambitions change . things happen  and he ', s stuck . his guardian angel is there  and shows him that . . . it ', s a wonderful life . in a whirlwind tour of the town  george sees what life would be like without him . he learns the moral lesson  that to live is a gift . his earthly problems are solved . the climatic scene is a marvel . frank capra ', s film is a centenial classic -- watched and re - experienced by every generation . wonderful life is one of the few pictures of times gone by that seems as fresh  maybe fresher  then it did when it was first released . many films of the thirties through seventies have aged poorly . but this one is a near flawless example of how well a perfect script and timing can mesh with first - rate acting  wit and suspense  glorious music  and terrific set peices . the only even slightly dated scenes are those at the begining in which god has a long chat with clarence  george ', s guardian angel . they aren ', t all that bad  but they remain corny and a little out of place . nevertheless  this is one film that deserves its place in time  cinema history  and our hearts . it can be equally appreciated by anyone of any age . here is one genuine masterpeice  a classic that reaches heights and ambitions near perfection . this crackling good mixture results in a film which is at once funny  exciting  moving and uplifting . the film itself is almost a reversal of the life of george bailey -- there isn ', t too much to it  but capra and the gang ( various screenwriters  composers  actors ) plumet the material to its fullest potential . the result is a film -- though not at first intended to be pigeon - holed as a holiday film -- that will always be remembered  celebrated  and loved .
pos jerry springer has got nothing on " wild things . " john mcnaughton ', s new thriller tackles more tawdry themes in less than two hours than springer ', s notoriously sleazy talk show broadcasts in two weeks -- bisexuality  threesomes  poolside catfights  slutty rich bimbos  even redneck gator - wrestling  they ', re all part of the movie ', s raucous  complex storyline . but even trash tv topicality can ', t drag " wild things " down -- this crazy campfest plays like something you ', d find late - night on the usa network  only infinitely more palatable and with a solid ensemble cast . despite a smattering of needless scenes ( most of them sexual in nature )  there ', s wicked fun to be had here . " wild things " would be a guilty pleasure  only there ', s no guilty feeling involved in having a good time with it . high school guidance counselor sam lombardo ( matt dillon ) is well - liked in the town of blue bay  especially by pretty  popular kelly van ryan ( denise richards )  whose family name is among the florida yachting enclave ', s most financially prominent . hoping to take her crush to a physical level  kelly seductively slinks into lombardo ', s house after washing his jeep for a fundraiser  but  the very next day  tearfully admits to her trollop mother ( theresa russell ) that she was raped . before long  blue bay detectives ray duquette ( kevin bacon ) and gloria perez ( daphne rubin - vega ) are listening to similar allegations from kelly ', s rebel classmate suzie toller ( neve campbell ) . lombardo  who maintains his innocence  hires neck brace - sporting  opportunistic lawyer ken bowden ( bill murray ) to defend him in court . the previews give away the following revelations  so if you haven ', t seen any of the movie ', s spots on the television or in the theater  you might want to skip to the next paragraph . while cross - examining suzie on the witness stand  bowden gets her to break down and admit that the alleged rapes never took place -- that kelly had concocted this entire scheme because she was angry that lombardo was sleeping with her mother and not with her . to pay lombardo for the damages  kelly ', s mother breaks her daughter ', s trust fund and gives him $ 8 . 5 million . but lombardo  kelly and suzie are actually all working together  and plan to take the money and run as fast as they can . duquette and perez  however  begin to suspect that there ', s more afoot to the case than just false accusations . if there ', s a major drawback to " wild things  " it ', s that it ', s oversexed to a fault . the much - talked - about hotel room menage - a - trois between dillon  campbell and richards is a turn - off . it ', s also cut short ( sorry  guys )  and should have been cut shorter -- the movie grinds to a halt for pure titillation once too often . what we don ', t see is far more effective than what we do . another example of this is kevin bacon needlessly going the full monty in a shower scene . er  no thanks . also  bacon ', s duquette feels simultaneously underdeveloped and overwritten . daphne rubin - vega  from broadway ', s " rent  " tries to compensate for a superfluous character . theresa russell is just plain wooden . and when  in the end  all is out in the open  ask yourself if certain scenes involving these three were really necessary . but what keeps the movie from being throwaway junk is an engaging chain of surprises ( some predictable  some not ) that never seems to end . " wild things " has more twists than a crate full of corkscrews  and most are so gleefully  over - the - top nasty that you can ', t help but be charmed by their absurd showmanship . a great deal of amusement also comes from watching bill murray in a supporting part that appears to have been written for his sly comedic talent ; murray ', s a stitch  especially when pulling up beside the van ryan limo after winning lombardo ', s case and flipping them off . and don ', t leave when the closing credits hit the screen  or you ', ll miss the film ', s best part -- four bonus flashbacks that smooth over plot holes while offering a few more tiny turns  plus a final scene that caps everything off with a great stunner of a bombshell . speaking of bombshells  denise richards  who plays almost every scene in a blue bikini top  does the teen tease thing with a malicious allure that she was never allowed to flaunt in " starship troopers . " matt dillon flexes his sleepy - voiced sex appeal  and pulls off personality changes with chameleonic precision . neve campbell  lovely as ever except when sporting a blond wig  gives suzie a vengeful vulnerability that makes her the most interesting member of the conspiring trio . re - edited and toned down a bit  the dynamics between these three actors could have carried the film to greater lengths . but what we ', re given works well enough . " wild things " is highly entertaining and  indeed  very wild .
pos the happy bastard ', s 30 - second review big daddy happy gilmore as a father ? of course ! that ', s the latest scenario presented by adam sandler in the new movie big daddy  a movie that ', s passable but isn ', t really considered some of sandler ', s best work . he doesn ', t actually play happy gilmore in the movie  but a variation of him . he ', s sonny coufax  a man who ', s living off a settlement he got for a cab running over his foot and his one - day - a - week gig as a tollbooth man ( tollbooth willie ? ) . his girlfriend ( kristy swanson ) is fed up with his lifestyle and demands a change before she leaves him . enter a 5 - year old kid  who ', s mysteriously dropped at his doorstep and intended for his preppy roommate ( jon stewart )  who ', s off in china on a business trip . from there  coufax basically acts as the kid ', s father  teaching him different things like peeing on the side of a building and tripping up skateboarders with sticks . he even manages to use the kid in a sort of con game to get the attention of a beautiful law office worker ( joey lauren adams )  but  somehow  he also garners the attention of social services  who aren ', t particularly pleased with coufax ', s actions  as he pretends to be his roommate to keep the kid . the reason i say it ', s not really sandler ', s best work is because it gets really sappy towards the end of a movie  showing some odd feelings that somehow didn ', t really belong in a sandler vehicle . i mean  it fits the movie ', s tone and everything  and sandler handles it well  but it ', s just oddly placed  that ', s all . fortunately  it doesn ', t destroy the goofy glee path it ', s been following and it still makes you feel good . sandler does a good job here  as he does in most of his movies . rob schneider  however  is irritating as his friend  an immigrant delivery boy who can ', t read . stewart  in his minor time on screen  is great  and adams remains a joy to watch . look for steve buscemi as well as a homeless bum . he ', s a hoot . directed by dennis dugan ( director of happy gilmore )  the movie remains a good couple of hours to pass the time with . again  there are faults  but  hey  everyone needs to get emotional sometimes .
pos " six days  seven nights " is a summer movie that gets the summer movie experience deliciously right  a commendable achievement considering the season thus far has been littered with some pretty uneven fare . here ', s a genuinely fun fluff piece that knows it ', s fluff  recognizes it ', s fluff and is admittedly proud to be fluff . of course  the casting of harrison ford in the broadly comedic lead role plays a sizeable part in the movie ', s success ; ford is such a concentrated dramatic actor that it ', s easy to forget what a funny guy he can be . as his female counterpart  anne heche also deserves a big pat on the back for her sweet  goofily charismatic performance . the age difference ( ford ', s 56  heche ', s 29 ) matters not -- these two click in a charged way that ', s hard to come by . the story is a no - brainer -- ford stars as gruff but loveable island aviator quinn harris  while heche is career - minded but loveable new york magazine editor robin monroe . robin  on a tropical vacation with fianc ? frank ( david schwimmer )  gets assigned to supervise an emergency photo shoot in nearby tahiti  so she reluctantly hires quinn to fly her there . the plane crashes during a terrible storm  and they immediately find themselves stuck in a deserted paradise with few ideas on getting back to civilization . a series of unpleasant  often hilarious catastrophes leaves little choice but for both members of this unlikely odd couple to fall for each other . meanwhile  back at the resort  frank is tempted himself by quinn ', s shapely female tagalong ( jacqueline obradors ) . that subplot obviously exists to get us rooting for the quinn - robin pairing  and while it makes for a few good laughs early on  it eventually becomes a contrived distraction from the far more engrossing misadventures of quinn and robin . and since the film spends most of its time with the castaways  this flaw is only a minor inconvenience . director ivan reitman keeps the pace brisk . at a slim 101 minutes  " six days  seven nights " never wears out its welcome  where a lesser film could have felt like it was as long as its title . michael browning ', s clever screenplay allows for plenty of notable one - liners ( my favorite  taken in context  is " you mean _arrrgh_ pirates ? " )  and though it essentially boils down to one mishap after another  they ', re all quite engaging . even the movie ', s more " serious " moments are played with a wink . heche has been under undeserved fire over whether or not her private life with ellen degeneres would affect the " believability " of " six days  seven nights " ', heterosexual pairing . ( so she ', s a lesbian . so what . deal with it . ) of course it doesn ', t  and here  her naysayers are proved wrong in a big way . in fact  her chemistry with ford is what really makes the film click ; these opposites attract with the utmost  endearing electricity . at one point  when the two are discussing the likelihood of romantic interest  heche asks ford how old he is . after several wrong guesses ( " forty - five ? _fifty_ ? " )  he whispers his age to her . " you still look good  " heche stammers . " i still _am_ good  " ford replies . she ', s good too  and together  they make " six days  seven nights " one memorable ride .
pos the release of dolores claiborne into wide release this weekend adds another entry into the long list of film adaptations of stephen king ', s work . this slow - moving character study provides some outstanding acting performances by the principals  but suffers from a tepid conclusion  inconsistent direction  and may not have wide commercial appeal . when the maid  dolores claiborne  is found brandishing a rolling pin standing over the bloody and dead body of her employer  it seems like an open - and - shut murder case . upon hearing of the death via a mysterious fax  dolores ', estranged and bitter daughter  esquire magazine writer selena st . george  returns from new york back to her tiny island village childhood home . as the two clash horns  the story behind the mysterious death of dolores ', abusive husband two decades ago  ruled an accident despite the protests of detective john mackey  is revealed . did dolores kill her husband ? and did she kill her employer ? dolores claiborne is certainly more of a character study than a suspense thriller . consequently  it is fortunate that their cast includes some of hollywood ', s finest character actors  such as bates  leigh and strathairn . kathy bates plays the film ', s title character  and gives a sensational lead performance . dolores claiborne is essentially a showcase for the talent of bates  as her character has a huge amount of screen time . she dominates the screen  producing a character that is compelling and arresting  as we watch the character go through two decades of history via flashbacks . kathy bates ', performance is award - calibre stuff . the rest of the cast is also very good . jennifer jason leigh plays the perpetually sour  bitter helena st . george well  and christopher plummer seems to be enjoying himself as dolores ', ever - present nemesis  the determined detective john mackey . david strathairn is particularly interesting and suitably smarmy and despicable as dolores ', husband  joe st . george . judy parfitt is fine as dolores ', tyrannic socialite employer  vera donovan -- it would have been interesting to see  say  meg foster in this role . child actor ellen muth is also worth noting as the young selena during the flashback sequences ; she is very impressive . the direction of dolores claiborne by taylor hackford wildly varies throughout the film  ranging from some parts which are quite clever in their own right  to parts which are embarrassingly hokey . the segues between flashbacks and the present are very hit - and - miss in terms of effectiveness . the pacing of the film tends to be numbingly slow  which tends to undermine any suspense which might be built up . however  the cinematography by gabriel beristain is wonderful -- i particularly like the chilling ice - blue hue permeating the present - day scenes  contrasting well with the many nova scotia ocean shots -- and danny elfman provides a surprisingly understated score for the film . it would seem that the commercial potential of dolores claiborne is limited . none of the performers in the film could be classified as a big draw  and its pacing may be a turn - off to those expecting a gripping suspense film filled with twists and turns and car crashes and axe - wielding psychopaths . although being essentially the only film in its genre in release now  it may also be hurt by the negative perception of king works  even with the recent critical success of the shawshank redemption and the stand . dolores claiborne suffers from a very unsatisfying conclusion  and moves very slowly . however  the performances are uniformly excellent  particularly kathy bates  and the film has its moments . on my four - star scale  i give dolores claiborne three stars .
pos seen september 13  1998 at 4 p . m at rotterdam square mall cinema 6  theater # 2  with chris wessell for free using my sony / loews critic ', s pass . [ theater rating : * * 1 / 2 : good seats  average sound  picture unstable ] " rounders " is exactly the kind of movie parents don ', t want their kids to see . it ', s not that it ', s a drunken orgy of sex and violence  but because it ', s a film that flat - out says you can make a career out of gambling . and to take make things " worse " it proves this through its original  fascinating story . there have been countless crime films both past and present that evoke the " noir " mood  that is  the dark  shady atmosphere where the vices of the world become more fascinating on screen than they would in real life . this film starts off in the tradiational noir style  introducing us to the underworld of modern gambling where the stakes are high and so is the price for losing . matt damon stars as mike mcdermott  a 20 - something law student in present - day new york city who tells us how the game of poker is really played . damon narrates throughout the film  but the entire opening scene is voiced - over so perfectly to completely and totally define the setting . mike ', s about to go up against teddy kgb ( malkovich )  a russian gangster who looks like a serial killer . but then again  he practically is one and the film does everything to convey that sense - the look in his eyes  his slow movements  his intricate mannerisms - all combined with the classic noir cinematography of isolated brightness within the darkness of the underworld ( literally ) . damon in the flesh might seem a little out of place with his expensive clothes and perfectly - groomed features  but his narration is what brings it all together . he never sounds like he ', s reading from a script  nor that he ', s trying to embellish anything  it just comes natural to him . the screenwriters use the right words and phrases to describe the mood  from the smell of the air  to the logic involved in reading the other guys ', faces and cards  and all without sounding remotely trite . immediately we get the sense that poker isn ', t for gamblers  but for near - geniuses with nerves of steel . the game is a quiet war  with strategies just as complex and the same sense of honor among the soldiers . the gangsters mike plays against are the same ones that might kill someone for scratching their car  but when it comes to the game of poker  all respect is due to the winner because he is truly the better man . the film does an excellent job in establishing its atmosphere during the first act . it concentrates so much in this aspect that the background and the progression of the story stumble a bit . we learn only a little about mike  both past and present . presently we know he has a girlfriend named jo ( gretchen mol ) who he constantly argues with over his gambling . they go through a few break - up / make - up cycles until mike ', s childhood pal and fellow rounder " worm " ( norton ) is released from prison . it ', s not at all surprising worm owes thousand of dollars to the mob  but what is surprising is how the film is able to take such a predictable element and execute it the way it does . technically  the plot isn ', t unlike many children ', s sitcoms in which the " good " kid ', s " bad " friend gets the good kid in trouble and yet the good kid remains friends with the bad kid . what this film does is use a different medium to tell that story . mike and worm have been in over their heads their entire lives  but both share a passion for out - thinking the other player who is trying to do the same to them . where as worm prefers to go the sleazy route of cheating ( hence his jail time )  mike always takes the cards he ', s dealt and works with them . sometimes they pay off ( i . e . his ability to pay his way through law school on his gambling money )  but other times they don ', t ( i . e . the fact he takes himself out of the game and works a steady job after dropping $ 30  000 on a single hand ) . once things start happening the film is able to expand and develop its plot into an intricate web of detail and mood . mike and worm bob and weave through all kinds of games at all kinds of places  from socialites ', mansions  to taking the tourists at atlantic city  to outwitting the gangsters that control it all . everything they come into contact with is a big poker game in that everything ', s a battle against the cards destiny deals . one scene demonstrates this perfectly in which mike is told by a judge ( martin landou  in a perfectly cast and performed role ) that destiny is everything and yet nothing at the same time . matt ', s good at gambling but he ', s also got potential to be a great lawyer . he could go professional as either  but with one he could lose everything or win big  but with the other there ', s stability but not much risk involved . can someone who ', s gambled his entire life really cash in his chips and leave ? if the film had been just a subtle lesson in poker - playing  then the ending is our test . everything is told from mike ', s perspective  but we ', re finally able to recognize some things on our own . this makes the final  against - all - odds showdown seem like just that . it works just like the game it revolves around - showing us some of the cards  but still evokes the element of the unknown  and the consequences thereof . what separates " rounders " from most other films about games is the fact the challenge and the skills are more important than winning in the end .
pos there was a lot riding on this movie . everyone even moderately interested in the " scream " series was dying to know how it would end . what would be the " final act " ? this is the end of an era for them  a movie which has kept them up nights searching for clues on the internet  talking and tossing around rumors with their equally enthused buddies  and  for kids under 17  those elaborate plots consisting of buying a ticket to one movie and hopping into " scream " while narrowly escaping those menacing ushers who are only a year or two older than themselves . no need to worry ; " scream 3 " is endlessly inventive and entertaining  a fine epilogue to the series that made kevin williamson a household name  reinvented the horror genre  and continued in the self - referential  post - modern tradition of quentin and co . so  how does the story go ? as opposed to what some fanatical internet sites would have you believe  sidney prescott ( neve campbell )  now all - grown - up and constantly dealing with her pass in the constantly tormented sector of her psyche  is not living in hollywood fulfilling her dream to become an actress  but rather in upstate california  living  understandably  alone in the confines of fences and vast security systems . she works at home as a crisis center affiliate over the phone . but that ? ? ? s not where the movie starts off . instead  in a tactic that reminded me of the somewhat similar  and conceptually horrifying  sequence in " eye for an eye " ( 1995 )  cotton weary ( liev schreiber )  now a big star  drives home to his girlfriend in traffic when the killer calls  demands the location of sidney ? ? ? s home  and  when he doesn ? ? ? t get it  threatens the life of cotton ? ? ? s girlfriend christine  and cotton can ? ? ? t do anything to stop him . the rest of the sequence is particularly clever  setting up a constant throughout the picture : the killer has a high - tech electronic voice - changer that tops that of the first two . not only does he sound unmistakably like talented voice - over artist roger jackson ( ha  ha )  he can now easily duplicate the voices of the lead characters  including sidney  and the returned gale weathers ( courtney cox arquette ) and dewey riley ( david arquette ) . at the same time  stab 3  the third film - within - a - film based around the characters and events of woodsboro and windsor college  has taken a less authentic approach this time around in return to woodsboro ; whereas the account of the first two films was true  the franchise within " scream " has now become totally fictional . nevertheless  we learn  cotton made an appearance in the movie which is now in production  as himself to be killed off in the first scene . so  it seems that the real killer is offing our heroes in the order in which they bite it in the movie ? ? ', either the actor portraying them  or the real thing . sometimes both . clever  indeed . but  who goes next ? no one knows . three different scripts were penned  we ? ? ? re told  to keep the true finale off the internet ( a nod to the " scream " 2 fiasco a few years back ) and no one knows for sure which one the killer read . still  all the while sidney stays concealed in her home  only visiting dad for the first half - hour of the film  while also having horrifying visions of her mother  which takes us back a bit to sidney ? ? ? s fear of becoming what her mother was ? ? ', or  at least  what her mother was secretly . when sidney finally ventures out to hollywood as the murders become more prevalent  she ? ? ? s chased onto the set of stab 3  wandering through " woodsboro  " written and directed as an odd  surreal  nightmare indeed  this is one of " scream 3 " ? ? ? s finest moments . okay  over the years  i ? ? ? ll admit that i ? ? ? ve become quite the " scream " fan . no  i don ? ? ? t have the ghostface costume or the director ? ? ? s cut laserdisc  but i often find myself compelled to pop in the dvd of either member of the preceding duo  and can get quite caught up in the dramatic element of these films ( yes  i said " dramatic element " )  sometimes debating with family and friends the possibilities and endless theories that have become quintessentially affiliated with " scream " . throughout the film  though  i noticed a much more subtle approach than the other two films . granted that there ? ? ? s stabbin - a - plenty going on throughout  but there ? ? ? s considerably less blood  less gore . honestly  i like this approach . it ? ? ? s more classical  more rebellious  constantly demonstrating the capable direction of wes craven . he knows when to hold back and at the same time makes the movie ooze with energy  illustrating the delicate poise flowing from his years of experience . some critics have noted that " scream 3 " seems to take itself more seriously this time ; maybe so  or maybe screenwriter ehren kruger ( arlington road )  who took over after williamson had scheduling conflicts  saw an opportunity for true irony ? ? ', maybe even a little bit of satire ? ? ', if the film worked in a few more clich ? ? s . what puts a damper on this otherwise exceptional and creative film  i ? ? ? m afraid  is the ending  or  rather  the identity of the killer . it does the job  i guess  accomplishes what it should  bringing the three films full circle  but upon my first viewing it seemed rather dissatisfying because it appears a little too contrived  too arbitrary ; after a second viewing  which i endeavored upon due to this recurring disapprobation  the killer ? ? ? s identity still seems a little too random  but his motivation came across more sound this time around  and the eventual conclusion was ultimately more satisfying . all in all  " scream 3 " does not fall victim to the most lamented principle of a trilogy : it is not the worst of the films . as a trilogy  " scream " was a lot of fun ; refreshing  humorous  offbeat . almost sad to see it go . but then  it does seem best to quit while you ? ? ? re ahead  and " scream 3 " does a fine job of providing closure to its characters . for now  " scream " holds the title as the finest series of horror films to be committed to celluloid . not too shabby .
pos ingredients : pouring rain  small flooded town  damn about to burst  bad guys going after millions of dollars synopsis : at one point in the story townsperson karen asks hero tom what happened to her church . he replies something like : " the church is flooded but at least the floodwaters put out the big fire . well  the fire wasn ', t that bad  since  while the church was burning  looters apparently thought it was safe enough to break through all the priceless stained glass windows . " in hard rain a small town is nearly deserted due to flooding . everyone has had to evacuate because it ', s raining  and now floodwaters are rising so high that buildings are being submerged and the nearby dam is about to break . enter a working class smart - alecky new armored car driver named tom ( christian slater ) . suddenly his security truck carrying over three million dollars gets stuck on the flooded street and is waylaid by armed looters . tom has no choice but to grab the bag full of money  hide it  and swim for his life . this makes for an action movie full of jet skis  speedboat chases  and gun battles  as tom tries to evade and outsmart corrupt cops and armed looters until the national guard can answer his distress call . he is befriended and aided by a spunky churchgoing young woman from town named karen ( minnie driver ) . but unknown to tom and karen  the national guard never heard tom ', s initial distress call . will tom and karen survive the natural and manmade disasters ? opinion : don ', t expect thought - provoking issues or dramatics . there ', s not much more to this movie than hiding  running  swimming  shooting  and saving handcuffed heroes from drowning  but that ', s what makes it escapist and fun . relax  take your shoes off  and break out the popcorn .
pos although many people have compared this new gangster comedy to the hit hbo drama ', the sopranos  ', analyze this is witty and entertaining enough to be a good movie in it ', s own right . billy crystal plays wiseguy shrink ben sobol  who new ', patient ', happens to be gangster boss paul vitti ( de niro . ) ben wants nothing to do with vitti  as he ', s about to get married to laura macnamara ( kudrow ) and having a gangster as a patient wouldn ', t really help . but ben is soon drawn into vitti worlds  and reluctantly helps vitti to sort his life out . all done in a comic fashion  of course . although never brilliant  analyze this is also never rubbish  which makes for a fun ride . billy crystal  who hasn ', t had a good role since city slickers way back in the early ', 90 ', s  is given a role that lets him fully exploit his wiseguy act . he ', s pretty funny while he does it  and although his character is a little close to his character in city slickers  he ', s pretty funny . robert de niro is hilarious as vitti  playing it dead straight but coming off as really funny . he ', s a serious gangster unaware that he is a comic gold mine . lisa kudrow  barely seen as crystals ', estranged wife to be  basically reprises her phoebe role from t . v series friends  which is getting rather tiresome  and doesn ', t come off well on the screen . the supporting cast is apparently made up of the entire cast of casino and goodfellas  and are all funny caricatures  especially vitti ', s bodyguard jelly ( joe viterelli . ) the film genuinely plays like a proper gangster movie  but with laughs instead of hard ass talking . it sometimes gets a little bloody for a light hearted film  but it strangely fits in . spoofs are made of famous gangster movies  including a nice parody of the godfather . the italian tunes playing throughout the soundtrack contribute to the fun . there ', s also some odd plot points : fbi guys appear and suddenly disappear for no apparent reason . it is true that analyze this has had a somewhat chequered production history  and perhaps the plot points were expanded in a earlier version of the script . unfortunately  this is hollywood  so we will never know . harold ramis  best known as egon from ghostbusters  has a deft touch with directing comedy  as shown in the immortal groundhog day  and the less immortal caddyshack . all the comic potential in a scene is dug out and presented to the audience . the script  written by ramis along with peter tolan and ken lonergan  starts off funny  remains funny for the most of the film  but sadly peters out somewhat during the last twenty minutes where it wrongly enters more serious territory . the film is short  however  and just before audience interest is waning the film suddenly goes into a rather rushed and unsatisfying ending and the credits roll . analyze this is a good comedy  and is certainly worth watching . robert de niro sobbing is reason enough to watch it  even though it does seem forced  or like a parody ( although i think this was intentional . ) crystal is his most likeable in years  kudrow is given as little screen time as possible  which is a good thing  and de niro is just awesome . it ', s no goodfellas  and it probably won ', t be remembered as much as groundhog day  but analyze this is a well done comedy that won ', t leave you feel cheated .
pos " being john malkovich " is the type of film we need to see more . today ', s films are either blockbusters that entertain us with tiresome formulas  or those that have similar themes . malkovich falls under none of these categories  and it ', s quite refreshing to see that occur . this strangely provoking story  is actually somewhat understandable . john cusack plays a puppeteer trying to make it to the big time . his wife ( cameron diaz ) supports the both of them by working at a petstore  which explains the obscure pets they keep in their apartment . when cusack finally realizes he needs to get a job  he finds an ad for a filing clerk . when he reaches the building  he arrives at a 7 1 / 2 floor . it ', s there that he discovers a secret portal that leads to being john malkovich for 15 minutes at a time . meanwhile  cusack meets a business partner ( catherine keener )  in which he falls madly in love with her . the only problem is  she has no interest in him what so ever . the whole portal thing  isn ', t just a toy  in fact  it becomes cusack ', s dream . being inside malkovich ', s mind  gave him the opportunity to basically control mlakovich  like a puppet  and to fulfill his fantasies . i don ', t want to give away too much  but cusack becomes too attached with his discovery . in my opinion  this idea is absolutely brilliant . it ', s really quite scary to think that someone could become you  control you  be you . it makes you wonder why we act like we do  and why sometimes we blurt out things or act out something out of the blue . even if the script is super sharp  i can ', t help but find the ending displeasing . it could have lead up to something more  or at least an amusing conclusion . it tried to explain a mythology about the portals  that made it seem rushed . other than that  i had a very enjoyable time . the acting was quite delightful as well . john cusack has finally been given a chance to prove his ability  and he does it well . he ', s by far the most underrated actor due to a lack of popularity  but i ', m hoping that will change . cameron diaz was her usual charming self  although i felt that part was wrong for her  but she pulled it off . john malkovich himself continues to creep out people with his eerie facial expressions and tone of voice . who else ', s mind would be better to explore ? the director  spike jonze  who appeared in last month ', s three kings really catches my attention with this project . i knew he was bizzare  but not to this extreme . he too is likely too receive media attention . " being john malkovich " isn ', t an excellent film  but it is definitly entertaining and will eaisly become a cult favorite . what ', s even better is the film ', s puzzling message . . . am i nick lyons ?
pos as feel - good formulaic as it may be in its own way  shall we dance ? also demonstrates a kind of charming restraint you don ', t often find in american films . this japanese import tells the story of a middle - aged accountant named sugiyama ( koji yakusho ) whose mundane life is shaken up one night when he spots beautiful mai kishikawa ( tamiyo kusakari ) in the window of a dance school . intrigued by her melancholy demeanor ( and slightly infatuated with her )  sugiyama signs up for weekly classes at the school -- and  much to his amazement  ends up as attracted to dancing itself as to his young sensei . meanwhile  sugiyama ', s wife ( hideko hara ) becomes suspicious of his late wednesday nights  and sets a private detective on her husband ', s trail . in a hollywood film  you can bet that sub - plot would be turned into a stream of slapstick comedy and crazy misunderstandings . in shall we dance ?  writer / director masayuki suo dispenses with it in a matter of minutes  using it to set up later character interactions rather than letting it overwhelm the story with pratfalls . neither does he make the climactic moment of victory a competition between the hero and some mean - spirited token rival . suo gives his comedy the graceful movements of his subject matter  allowing the humor to flow from the characters rather than forcing it upon them . an opening prologue in shall we dance ? goes to some effort to place the film in a sociological perspective  explaining how contrary ballroom dancing is to the japanese sense of propriety . it ', s a forced message in a story which doesn ', t need such a culture - specific angle . the dance school in shall we dance ? plays the role of a singles ', mixer  with everyone vaguely embarrassed to be there yet taking the opportunity to try on new personalities . most amusing among these new personalities is the one adopted by sugiyama ', s co - worker mr . aoki ( naoto takenaka )  a balding systems analyst who becomes a fiery latin lover when he dons a frizzy wig and begins to rumba . sugiyama ', s awakening is less overt  but koji yakusho does a wonderful job showing a transformation of small steps . it ', s a delicate performance with a huge heart . shall we dance ? is a fairly lightweight experience  which makes its final half hour rather a long sit . suo crams a lot of exposition into very little time  including an unnecessarily detailed back - story for mai  resulting in a sluggish march towards the resolution . it is here that shall we dance ? feels most hollywood - conventional  attempting to blind - side the audience with a truckload of emotional catharsis . suo might have been better advised to conclude with the small gem of a scene in which sugiyama and his wife take their first tentative dance steps together . that ', s the real joy of dance shall we dance ? conveys : its ability to create an intoxicating mood of romance which can soften the stiffest shirt .
pos " the tailor of panama " is a different kind of spy movie . despite the presence of pierce brosnan  there is nary a hint of james bond flash here . instead of big action scenes  leering super villains and empty - headed femme fatales  we get interesting characters and an intriguing situation . based on the novel by john le carr ?  who also co - wrote the screenplay  the film offers viewers something rarely seen in theaters this time of year : a solid  well - told story . brosnan plays andy osnard  a british operative walking on thin ice . his british superiors ship him off to panama  making sure he understands that he had better not screw up the placement . osnard arrives in the tropics virtually oozing contempt for his new co - workers and his new home base . when shown the bridge of the americas by a person marveling over the fact that  since the creation of the panama canal  the structure is the sole connection between north and south america  he barely keeps from yawning . brosnan clearly relishes the chance to be the antithesis of 007  investing the suave spy with a distinct reptilian quality coupled with an air of indifference that irks his fellows to no end . searching for a way to get information on the government  osnard sets his sights on harry pendel ( geoffrey rush )  an unctuous tailor serving the panamanian elite . harry claims to be a transplant from britain ', s renowned saville row  but osnard knows his secret : the tailor is an ex - con who served five years in prison after torching his uncle ', s shop in an insurance scam . he also knows that harry is up to his ears in debt  having spent a fortune on an unsuccessful farm . osnard offers harry a way out . he will pay for information harry has gathered from his upscale clientele . eager to comply  harry offers what he knows  then starts concocting tidbits to keep the money flowing . before long  he is forced to spy on his loving wife  louisa ( jamie lee curtis )  an aide to the canal director . harry ', s little lies build  eventually taking on a life of their own . osnard turns in reports about the " silent opposition  " a group threatening to upset the balance of control over the canal . the bogus revelation proves explosive  leading to meetings in washington d . c . over how to best protect the vital waterway . meanwhile  osnard wallows in his newfound status  enjoying the best the city has to offer and wooing an attractive co - worker . and harry grows ever more fretful  fearing the consequences if his clients  not to mention his wife  learn about his lies . geoffrey rush is wonderful as harry  fawning over his customers by day and savoring his rich family life in the evenings  all while playing secret agent in the off hours with his new benefactor . rush makes harry a credible figure  presenting the various levels of the character so effectively that he remains sympathetic despite his duplicity . after gaining fame playing larger than life characters  rush flips everything around for this role  using his energy to depict the quiet desperation of a man slowly realizing that the solution to his troubles may be worse than the original problems . although she gets far too little screen time  jamie lee curtis imbues louisa with a depth greater than the screenplay provides her . of the central characters  she is the only one that exhibits maturity and genuine self - confidence . curtis is one of my favorite female actors ; whiplash smart  sultry and charismatic  she deserves more than supporting roles . speaking of supporting characters  there are some great ones here . harold pinter is amusing as harry ', s uncle benny  who pops up throughout the story in a number of creative ways . also shoring up the proceedings is jon polito as a corrupt banker and dylan baker  who is a riot as a united states general straight out of the dr . strangelove school of armed patriotism . but the most important secondary performers are leonor varela and brendan gleeson  both outstanding as two wounded activists . their presence adds weight to the story  reminding us that beyond the charades of the leading men  there are real people that have suffered greatly over the politics connected to the canal . director john boorman adds additional verisimilitude by shooting the film on location . instead of using panama city merely as a colorful backdrop  he adroitly weaves in footage of all aspects of life there . the metropolis  described by one character as " casablanca without heroes " pulsates with life  underling the folly of the two foreigners playing dangerous games that could have a disastrous impact on a great many people . " the tailor of panama " succeeds because the principals behind it were bright enough to make it more than a simple entertainment .
pos perhaps it ', s time for me to say a little about my reading habits . i really do like to read  and i ', ve enjoyed many books in my lifetime . my problem is that i ', m a slow reader  and not very dedicated -- i ', ll enjoy portions of a book and then set it down for months at a time ( it ', s taken me the last six weeks to get through the first one hundred pages of anna karenina  even though i ', m loving the book ) . in addition to this  i typically don ', t read anything created after the 19th century . the only reason i bother with this bit of information is because i feel bad admitting  time after time  that i haven ', t read any of the books on which these films are based ( the only exception  i believe  is great expectations ) . however  i don ', t think it should be necessary to read the book beforehand in order to judge the quality of the film . needless to say  i haven ', t read the elmore leonard novel out of sight  on which steven soderbergh ', s new film is based . i can ', t say how faithful of an adaptation it is  or if it lives up to leonard ', s vision . i can say that it ', s a terrific film  with sharp acting  great dialogue  and pumping full of energy and style injected by soderbergh . it ', s certainly a nice distraction from 1998 ', s lineup of brainless blockbusters  all hopelessly wishing that size mattered . out of sight proves that it doesn ', t . i had originally written george clooney off as a one - note actor  incapable of depth but occasionally showing a little flair . after seeing his latest performance in this film  i ', ve changed my mind -- this guy can act  but he also has that forceful presence that most certainly will make him one of those $ 20 million superstars . here  he plays jack foley  a middle aged guy who robs banks for a living . he does it because it ', s fun  i think  but the film opens with him getting caught because his car won ', t start . he goes to jail -- which is interesting -- only to break out five cinematic minutes later with the help of his friend  buddy ( ving rhames ) . we ', re then introduced to karen sisco ( jennifer lopez )  a u . s . marshall who  conveniently  is waiting with a shotgun as jack escapes . fortunately  they take her hostage  and she and jack spend some quality time in the trunk together as buddy drives them to safety . the central conflict arises when both jack and karen become obsessed with one another  though their respective jobs make them superficially incompatible . we soon learn that the film is not told in sequence ( and  since this is a gritty crime comedy  flashbacks of pulp fiction should arise ) . at first  i kind of felt that it was a gimmick  but i guess it was a gimmick in pulp fiction  too . it ', s a fun gimmick  though  and soderbergh treats the material with enough humor that everything comes off naturally . i ', ve only seen a few of soderbergh ', s films ( i was impressed both with kafka and sex  lies  and videotape )  but i think he ', s excellent at what he does . he ', s an artist without making it obvious  and without being pretentious  which is always admirable . he uses tricks  yes ( lots of freeze - frame stuff here )  but it all adds to the smooth and quirky currents in the film . as i said  clooney is terrific  and he ', s matched by lopez . lopez is  of course  beautiful  but she can act  too . i can sense that she ', s honing in on her skills  for she comes off more natural here than she has in any of her previous ventures ( not that stone gave her much help in the loathsome u - turn ) . the two actors have arresting chemistry with one another -- the best scene in the film  by far  is the seduction scene . the brilliance of this scene is also due  in part  to soderbergh  for he cuts back and forth from their quiet discussion in a bar to the physical act which takes place a few minutes later . the scene is a series of soft nuances and glances  layered upon light dialogue  and the result is one of the better love scenes in recent cinema -- meaningful and engrossing . the supporting cast is strong  led by the always - reliable ving rhames . dennis farina  who plays karen ', s father  is good  as is don cheadle as the profoundly stupid villain . steve zahn  who plays jack ', s nearly - brain dead accomplice glenn  steals all of his scenes ( and that ', s in a film where every scene is already at a high level ) . all of the actors are helped by the dialogue and the intelligently - constructed script by scott frank . out of sight is certainly a light film  although there are a few heavy moments that will linger in the memory . overall  i can recommend it simply as great entertainment . not every film has to change your life  and it ', s nice to see a movie that uses the art to tell a great story and simply to entertain its viewers . as for the book  this film is good enough to make me believe that there might be something in the text worth looking at .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . among my fanatical ticker tape - worshipping friends  there ', s one who happens to share the same philosophy espoused by the central character in darren aronofsky ', s darkly original pi : the entire stock market can be reduced to nothing but a series of patterns which  through analysis  will produce information to accurately forecast future behaviour . ( an example of the mentality involved : if the stock price goes up like this  and then down like that  and then sharply up this way  it then will go * this * way . ) while i freely admit that i know less than nothing about the market ( knowledge check : prices up -- good ; prices down -- bad ; most of the time  at least ) and hence really couldn ', t comment with any authority  it ', s always nonetheless struck me as an incredibly naive oversimplification of an astonishingly complex system ( and besides  if it were that simple  no doubt somebody would ', ve already figured it all out ) . the difference in this case is that while my colleague ( an otherwise assuredly realistic individual ) truly believes in this in and of itself as a valid forecaster  pi uses this ideology as a device with which to investigate its character ', s psychosis . it ', s also vastly more convincing with its argument . " mathematics is the language of the universe  " insists genius protagonist maximillian cohen ( sean gullette ) in a cool  mantra - like voice - over which repeats throughout the picture . since nature can be expressed in numbers  and there are patterns everywhere in nature  he reasons with eminent logic that finding the patterns will allow him to predict anything -- the ups and downs of the stock market  how many games the yankees will win this year  the flavour of jam i ', m going to put on my toast tomorrow morning . obsessed with finding the proverbial key to the universe  max lives in paranoid  self - imposed solitude in a seedy nyc chinatown apartment  single - mindedly toiling away with his monstrous homemade computer system . sullenly withdrawn and plauged by debilitating migraines  the elusive pursuit of a mysterious 216 - digit number his machine spits out one day is driving him into madness . the story  then  is basically an eccentricity  but it ', s a clever  astute eccentricity  perceptively zeroing in on the modern mistrust of mathematical reductionism ; in an age where a dominant societal phobia is one ', s individualism being replaced by a series of numeric identifiers  max ', s all - consuming penchent for numbers at once creates a lingering  unsettling mood . it helps matters that he ', s not a particularly likable protagonist . all attempts of friendliness from neighbours are curtly rebuffed by max  a spindly  neurotic - looking individual who hasn ', t the time to indulge in pleasantries . for a film which puts its lead character front and center ( mr . gullette appears in virtually every scene )  pi takes a refreshing and effective approach in avoiding conventional aesthetics ; because of our ambivalence with max  we ', re not so much avidly rooting for him to triumph with a moment of epiphany as we ', re following him through this plot with a sense of mixed dread and morbid fascination -- it ', s more disturbing journey than quest . still  we do care about max ', s fate . teetering on the edge of dementia  he winds up being pursued by two different groups which want to pick his brain  both fronted by deliciously perky  resolutely cheerful representatives with inevitably duplictious intentions . as we know  in films where paranoia is a dominant element ( see the truman show ', s laura linney character )  or for that matter  in real life  it ', s always the ones who never stop smiling at you and are overly friendly that are the ones of which to be wary . pi  a film that addresses patterns  itself intentionally adheres to an identifiable pattern cycle -- headache scene ; important revelation or bit of plot development ; pill - popping montage ; hallucinatory nightmare ( with decidedly cronenberg - esque undertones -- few other directors are as equally adept in bridging unsettling concepts and body - themed horror ) ; nosebleeding reality . the repetitiveness  far from being tedious  is effectively maddening ; more than anything  the picture aims to get under our skins and take in events from max ', s claustrophobic perspective . in this regard  it wildly succeeds due to mr . aronofsky ', s striking direction . it ', s a rarity that a film so completely immerses itself into a protagonist ', s warped perspective of his surrounding  and high contrast black - and - white cinematography combined with constant usage of extreme close - ups lend a heightened sense of paranoia to the proceedings . ( in some scenes  the stark composition in conjunction with the lumbering approach by mr . gullette make his character curiously resemble a latter - day max schreck  from nosferatu . ) using savage  jittery lensing and rapid cuts to create a sense of disorientation  the picture is often dizzying to behold  and max ', s effective isolationism is emphasized by shots from the so - called snorri cam  which keep him in plain focus while the environment races by in blurred bursts . pi ', s raw  aggressive visuals are reminiscent of david lynch ', s early work ( in particular  eraserhead ) . the film ', s sinister tone splashes onto the screen immediately with a dazzling opening credit sequence ably backed by a sly electronic score by clint mansell  and gradually increases in intensity . still  amidst all its kafkaesque qualities and overall dispassionate mood  pi does occasionally display a sense of humour . at one point  marcy dawson ( pamela hart  great fun ) entices max with the offer of an invaluable treasure : a one - of - a - kind . . . computer chip . " isn ', t it beautiful  " she coos . a showcase for mr . aronofsky ', s technical virtuosity ( made for $ 60 000  it ', s since gone on to capture acclaim at the 1998 sundance film festival )  pi is an intriguingly cerebral story which  ironically  is perhaps the most purely visceral film of the year .
pos upon arriving at the theater during the opening credits  i took my seat and prepared myself for what appeared to be " hellraiser meets the crow " . but as soon as kiefer sutherland began speaking the narrative monologue  describing " the strangers " and their reasons for contacting human beings  i was hooked . there was something especially compelling about the nature of his voice . i knew from the start that i was going to witness the actions of his character rather than the actor attempting the character . sutherland played the role as a true veteran . upon the completion of his monologue  the camera arrives on sutherland in such a fashion that you can only wonder how long alex proyas spent on cinematography . i would imagine  for a film of this caliber  that maximum hours of work were spent where they were needed the most . the film flowed beautifully . as i was being taken through the intricate regions of the " dark city "  a clever plot began to unravel  to the point where the last time i had seen such clever plot twists were in " the usual suspects " . not to mention a series of special effects that would make james cameron literally turn green with envy . but if you ', re not exactly the biggest sci - fi fan  caveat emptor . get ready for the atmostpheric darkness of " 12 monkeys " or " the crow " without the boredom or depression . the concept of the plot is as mindstretching as " 12 monkeys " was  however  so be prepared and be sophisticated . and imagine a picture that finally does justice to the comic - book - gone - feature - film fad that hollywood has recently become abusive of . dark city simply puts " spawn " to shame . in fact  during the climax of the film i couldn ', t help but feel the strong presence of an " akira " - esque explosion throughout the general feeling of the movie . so my initial predictions were wrong . this film is anything but the meloncholy of " hellraiser " parts one through five . i ', m never one to base a film entirly on special effects  so know that when i give dark city it ', s actually because the film contained all of the neccessary ingredients to keep me entertained and awake from storyline to plot twists to camerawork to even ( tsk  tsk ) special effects . not since contact have i recieved such deep insight into the way the human mind operates and never this year have i been so blown away . the best film i ', ve seen all year  and easily one of the best i ', ve ever seen
pos kadosh means sacred in hebrew . amos gitai ', s fictional work  after spending most of his career doing documentaries  is a grim story about a failed hasidic marriage  even though the marriage is a loving one . the marriage will symbolize the clash of cultures in modern israel between the native israeli ', s modern viewpoint toward religion and the political savvy hasidic ', s intolerable one  as both groups are vying for control of the secular government . gitai ( devarim / yom yom ) is a labor party leftist  who believes that if the rigid hasidic ever got control of the government  it would sound the death knell of israel . the emphasis of the film is on how the ultra - orthodox jews of that sect live by the letter of the torah in everything they do and how they subjugate the women to accept their vision of god ', s law from only the male ', s view . that if they ever got control of the country  their intolerant attitude would subjugate the country the same way the women are . the story takes place in jerusalem ', s jewish quarters called mea shearim  where we are taken down sinewy back streets with placards pasted on the walls  and into the crowded apartments and prayer rooms where the protagonists live out their idea of the proper jewish life  which is much different than the way most jews live in israel . this is a controversial film  in that the women are unhappy and the male attitudes are to such an extreme patriarchal ones  that the film is bound to anger most viewers  no matter their belief . it is a slow - moving  meticulous film  that grabs hold of you by the collar and never lets go . the force of what is seen  though filmed in an objective manner  never taking a cheap shot at the hasidim  is nevertheless bound to leave questions about the nature of such a practice of strict observance . the film is meant to be critical of such a rigid people  as it implies how they kill the spirit of everything they touch and with their extreme phobic attitudes  it makes it impossible for them to unite the country when they can ', t at present live in harmony with their own people  and it would be even more impossible to imagine them living with their arab neighbors in peace . the film opens as meir rises at dawn and goes through his prayer ritual  where every prayer is made to the virtues of god . he even thanks god that he didn ', t make him a woman . his wife rivka accepts the fate she was born into and looks at him from the next bed where she sleeps separately according to hasidic custom . she looks at him with glistening eyes  not questioning the laws or rebelling against her secondary role and how her religion keeps her from studying the talmud and having all the modern conveniences of life  and from seeing movies and tv . meir is a talmudic scholar . his father ( abu warda ) is a rabbi at the yeshiva . he has been married for ten years and his wife has not been able to give him a child . since the hasidim look upon a woman ', s role in life being only to conceive children  and cook and clean house for the man  while the man ', s role is to spend his time in prayer  therefore there is an insurmountable problem in this otherwise loving marriage . she receives an anonymous letter that states " a woman without a child is no better than dead . " meir ', s response  is that it is written like that in the talmud . meir ', s father tells him that the marriage contract must be broken : " a man who dies without progeny rips a page from the torah . " all the blame is placed on rivka  who is thought of as unpure as the reason for her being barren . she will go through countless ritual baths to cleanse herself  as her rigid mother ( koenig ) dunks her in the holy water and says a ritual prayer for the 12 times she is dunked as an homage to the 12 tribes of israel . their religion doesn ', t permit them to be examined extensively by a doctor . rivka goes on the sly and finds out that it is her husband who is sterile  but she cannot tell him that because of their religion . so when meir ', s father chooses a younger woman for his son  she is exiled to live alone in a cold apartment in the same jewish quarters . rivka ', s spirited younger sister malka does not want to get married but wants to live a more liberated life . she has a long time romantic relationship with a fellow hasidic yaakov . but  because of the way they were both raised  she is still a virgin . when yaakov joined the israeli army to fight in lebanon  something his sect is not allowed to do  he is thereby banished from the sect even though he is still a believer . he now works as a singer in a nightclub . malka ', s mother is worried that her daughter won ', t get married  so she arranges with the rabbi for her to marry yossef  someone whom she doesn ', t love . yossef is a very stern follower of the order  he is also a political activist who drives around the city in a sound - truck with a bull - horn urging jews to stick together and fight their godless enemies . the two sisters are close and languidly discuss their options  with rivka telling her sister to accept the marriage  it will make her happy ; but  while malka is reluctantly forced into accepting it  she has other plans to ruin this bogus marriage . the harshest scene in the film is on malka ', s wedding night . yossef prays to god for a child and then robotically gets malka to spread her legs  and without the least bit of affection  only a nervousness shown on his part for the function he supplies  as he goes inside her and rams her hard  thrusting away until the act is completed and then retiring without a word or gesture of love . the sisters have choices  like everyone else in life does . but the choices are obliterated by one ', s beliefs  circumstances  and inward nature  and how difficult it is to carry out those choices if it goes completely against the way one is brought up . for the sisters  the choices are life or death ones . gitai by closing in on the daily rituals  tight living quarters and close - knit community  has shown how difficult these choices are for those who have never seen another world and have been kept in the dark all their life . the film ends with the forlorn malka walking atop of jerusalem and looking down upon it as an outsider would  and everything seems strange to her  all the things she once thought of as being set in stone are now harsh memories  as she has made her choice  and the price of that choice is very heavy indeed .
pos the film " magnolia " can be compared to a simple flower as its title and movie poster suggests . the dozens of characters introduced and developed are like the petals on the flower . they all come from the same stem and as the flower begins to develop they grow farther and farther apart . the numerous characters in the film are all closely connected no matter how different they are from one another socially . from a humiliated but kind cop to an aging game show host  each one of these characters is suffering the same kind of pain . they are each seriously lonely and seek the perfect companion to end this loneliness . whether this companion is a distant family member or a spouse  each character begs for one and spends the whole film searching for the perfect one . " magnolia " is a clever  well thought out film from prodigy director - writer paul thomas anderson of " boogie nights " fame . the detailed character analyses and the powerful script make " magnolia " memorable . however  what really is impressive is that even though there are tons of characters in several unrelated stories  the film is never confusing . anderson ', s control over transitioning from one story to another story is masterful . he also knows exactly when to cut to another subplot since not one of " magnolia ', s " scenes drag on too long . any three hour film that does not deliver even one uninteresting scene is definitely worth recommending . from the fascinating beginning to the risky yet surprisingly satisfying ending the film just doesn ', t get boring . it is obvious that anderson put a lot of time into connecting each subplot . this is the ultimate game of six degrees of separation . every character is connected to every other character by at the most two degrees . for example  cop john c . reilly is connected to game show host phillip baker hall through hall ', s daughter melora walters who once went on a date with reilly . the fact that each character is so different from the others yet so similar shows that there are universal pains that all classes  races  and genders suffer . anderson ', s explanation to prove this point is both accurate and convincing . the only mistake anderson made in trying to connect his characters was by making his actors all sing an aimee mann song simultaneously . this was foolish not only because it was unbelievable and hilariously erroneous but also because it had a broadway musical feel to it and this movie is about as far apart from your typical broadway musical than you can get . the performances in " magnolia " are perfection . this is a classic example of flawless casting and flawless ensemble acting . anderson allows many of hollywood ', s best supporting actors to blossom at what they do best  character acting . all of the main characters in each story are perfect because they are able to reveal more emotions and attitudes in their brief time on the screen then most movie stars can do in a feature length film . worth noting is tom cruise  who stepped out of his usual superficial starring role and into a funny but depressing tour de force performance . he was probably noticed more than the other actors in the film by award givers because his role here is so much different and impressive than those in the past ( however any actor in this film could be nominated for best supporting actor without any complaints ) the only problem i had with the acting was that a few of the characters felt seriously edited down such as melinda dillon ', s character as phillip baker hall ', s wife . she seemed to be thrown in towards the end and i felt very little sympathy for her because i had not seen her enough earlier in the film . " magnolia " uses several effective metaphors to describe its characters . anderson has the talent to make the audience sympathetic towards numerous people in only a few hours . to see that anderson is able to perfectly portray this many different types of people shows that he has a keen sense of diversity . diversity is what makes a director successful for a long period of time . i predict a lot of diversity and success from anderson in the future .
pos no humans were harmed  tested or tasted in the making of this film . all recipes are fictions . twentieth century fox does not condone cannibalism . a psychological thriller that will scare you to the depth of your soul ! director / writer antonia bird shows us that the most terrifying horror is not provided by giant beasts  but instead by monsters lurking in ourselves . . " . . they were a party of settlers in covered wagon times and they had to resent to cannibalism in order to stay alive . . " this true story  briefly mentioned in " the shining "  has no turned into a 143 minutes long motion picture . in 1847  the united states was a land of pioneers  of gold - starved americans making their way west . it was a period of manifest destiny  the inevitability of the country extending its boundaries  stretching out its arms and consuming all the land it could . capt . john boyd ( guy pearce ) has become both a " hero " and a victim during this period of relentless consumption . . . in ways he could never have imagined . boyd ', s journey to hell begins when he is awarded for an act of cowardice during a horrific mexican - american war battle earns him banishment to a desolate military outpost  a waystation for western travelers in the barren and icy sierra nevada mountains in california . upon his arrival he is greeted by a small  motley group of soldiers  including his commanding officer  hart ( jeffrey jones )  a previously intelligent and sophisticated man who has lost his aristocratic origin in the heat of battle and has pretty much given up on life ; toffler ( jeremy davies )  the fort ', s personal emissary to the lord ; knox ( stephen spinella )  the veterinarian that plays doctor  who never met a bottle of whiskey he didn ', t like ; reich ( neal mcdonough )  the no - nonsense soldier of the group ; and the seriously " over - medicated " cleaves ( david arquette )  a cook whose meals are inspired more by peyote than culinary ambitions . into this cold  bleak and bizarre world staggers a stranger  colqhoun ( robert carlyle )  a half - starved scot who had been traveling with a group of settlers until they became snowbound . seeking refuge in a cave  they soon ran out of food - and were forced to consume one another . colqhoun barely escaped becoming an hors d ', oeuvre himself . our heroes then decide to journey through the mountains to find the survivors  and colqhoun tags along to help out . soon it becomes clear that colqhoun ', s tale has ramifications beyond cannibalism and the will to survive . it involves an old indian myth called weendigo  which states that a man who eats the flesh of another steals that person ', s strength  spirit and very essence . his hunger becomes an insatiable craving : the more he eats  the more he wants  and the stronger he becomes . there can never be enough  and death is the only escape . . it ', s all fairly sickening and you have to have a healthy stomach to see the whole movie through . as professionally made as the movie is  you have to wonder who they thought would come piling into the theater to see this . teen - age horror fans won ', t care because none of the soldiers look remotely like neve campell . older folks might show up when they hear that the movie is actually a satire about the pioneer spirit  but they ', ll be disappointed once all the raw meat starts getting waved in their faces . but jokes aside  this is a film that is well worth watching . it has wonderful and mature characters  that few horror film s can boast of and a strangely effective story that continues to electrify you till the end . the two main characters are also the most interesting . boyd is a simple  honest man tiered of war  killing and fear . his sacred wish is to live a normal  quite life away from gunpowder and blood . colqhoun is different . he proves that a man  on the brink of death  would do anything to stay alive  including sacrificing his own soul . he believes so much in this indian myth that he starts to change physically . it is the power of the human mind and conviction that make miracles happen . the atmosphere in " ravenous " is macabre and bizarre  scary and surreal . completely isolated from the rest of the world  stands fort spencer . here time stands still  and nothing changes . the inhabitants are soldiers driven by war and pillage . they are all somehow losers of society that have been banished -- men that are used to killing and have not done anything else in their entire life . men that are nothing  and has nothing to loose . the result is some sort of cabin fever . cannibalism is more like a sick game for them . since they find no pleasure in living  they find some excitement in killing and dying . it ', s like " who ', s going to die first ? " the unchangeable icy landscape  where birds do not sing and even wind doesn ', t move the leaves on the trees  resembles kubrick ', s " the shining " . it ', s hard to not get mad here ! one of the scary aspects of the film is a strange connection that the viewer establishes with the characters  and starts to understand them  although they have turned into half crazed killers . music is another factor that strengthens the atmosphere . a strange musical score  composed by michael nyman ( the piano ) and damon albarn  that often seems out of place  and in complete contrast to the image  somehow reflects the characters ', twisted reactions on the world and their situation . the director herself stated that it was " ok to laugh " during the picture . and i must admit that it is often very funny  in a strange way ( such as the wonderful quote : " . . it ', s lonely being a cannibal . you don ', t get that many friends . . . " or when colqhoun is quoting ben franklin  saying " eat to live . don ', t live to eat . " ) . but mostly it is frightening and shocking as it goes deeper into the minds of these strange men and we witness their psychological change . every actor does a great job . especially robert carlyle as the sinister and intelligent cannibal  and guy pearce as the moral and honest soldier  nagged by his undeserved honor . this strange couple resemble lestat and lois in neil jordan ', s ', interview with the vampire ', . actually there are many amusing parallels and connections to vampire movies  since the topics are so alike . " ravenous " starts wonderfully and continues to shock and scare until it gets to the finale  where it looses focus and gets too primitive and rather boring . however these little failures don ', t diminish the impression . this is a bizarre dark comedy about the human mind and its change in different situations . it is a scary fable about the monster that lurks in everyone ', s soul  a dark side which we ', re all trying to hide -- but it ', s there -- always . it is one of the most frightening and successful horror films since " the shining " . " . . i said no food . i didn ', t say there was nothing to eat . . . " - colqhoun  ravenous
pos " good will hunting " is two movies in one : an independent take on the struggle of four boston pals and a traditional hollywood  " prodigy child " film complete with upbeats  downfalls  sporadically moving situations and plenty  plenty of shtick . unusually directed by gus van sant  " good will hunting " overcomes the banalities of its story by affirming the emergence of fresh  new talent . the film stars matt damon as will hunting as a mathematical  rebellious whiz kid inadvertly discovered by a college professor ( stellan skarsgard )  who places him under psychological supervision with robin williams . in a nutshell  that ', s it . the core of the " good will hunting " is damon  who infuses the script ( co - written by " chasing amy ', s " ben affleck ) with just the right amount of warmth  sensitivity and humanity to accentuate his position as a refreshing multi - talented performer . but it ', s the acting that hits the mark  and damon hits all the right notes  flying over robin williams ', deja - vu role ( " awakenings " was written all over this ) as a devastated shrink who has closed all contact with society due to his wife ', s tragic death . damon effortlessly blends the carelesness of a gregarious  confused thug with the absorbing ingeniousness of someone like einstein . his rich  complex character is the pulp of " good will hunting . " everything else pales in comparison . " good will hunting " exposes the lack of profoundness of deliberately schmaltzy storytelling  but  unlike " little man tate " or " phenomenon "  it doesn ', t set up its story in a black and white  point a to point b be manner  but as the saga of an extraordinary individual whose feasibility for success doesn ', t automatically signify he must make easy  familiar choices  like the protagonists in the aforementioned .
pos curdled is a deliciously dark and witty black comedy  but its humour won ', t appeal to everyone . to be specific  let me give you an example . do you know in pulp fiction where jules and vincent go on brain detail after marvin and his head accidentally get separated ? if you thought that was completely tasteless and unfunny  don ', t see curdled . on the other hand  if you found that sequence to be pretty funny  you have the sense of humour that curdled is aimed at . our film ', s heroine  gabriela  played by angela jones  is a woman obssessively curious about murder and serial killers ; she even keeps a scrapbook of news articles . luckily for her  miami is being plagued by a serial killer rampage - her scrapbook is getting pretty big . the killer ', s nickname in the press is the blue blood killer  because he preys on older rich socialite women  and he ', s played by william baldwin ( this is not a spoiler ) . one particularly striking m . o . on the blue blood killer is his propensity to decapitate his victims . gabriela is watching television one day when she spots an advertisement for a firm whose line of work is perfectly attuned to her interests . she immediately quits her job  and signs on with pfcs  which stands for post - forensic cleaning service . no points for guessing what they do . her workmates are confused by gabriela ', s fascination with murder ; to them  it ', s just a day job . there ', s a hilarious locker room scene where they debate whether decapitated heads can talk  and what they would say . gabriela ', s partner  elena  played by mel gorham  is particularly perturbed by gabriela ', s wide - eyed fascination  and becomes really upset when gabriela volunteers them to clean up the blue blood killer ', s latest scene - they ', re the messiest  you see . unbeknownst to them  the last victim left something on the scene which would id the blue blood killer  so he ', s also heading over there . . the comparison to pulp fiction earlier on was not accidental - quentin tarantino executive - produced this film  which began life as a short film he saw at a film festival . apparently tarantino was so impressed that he helped braddock convert this into a feature - length film . there are other parallels - the star of curdled is angela jones ( the top billing goes to william baldwin  but really  jones is the central character )  who ', s probably best known for her role as esmerelda villalobos  the death - obssessed taxi driver in pulp fiction . that role was written specifically for jones based upon her similar character in the aforementioned short film  curdled jr . jones is great in curdled - she ', s wonderfully funny and maintains an amusing wide - eyed naive curiousity about murder without compromising her character ', s innocence or likeability . she can express so much with one lift of her eyebrow . it ', s a great performance . reb braddock ', s direction is extremely sharp and clever  toeing the line between black humour and bad taste . the best scene in the film is an outrageously funny sequence involves jones and dancing - any more than that would be a spoiler . the opening credit sequence is also inventive and amusing . of course  it ', s impossible to really take this stuff seriously  but then again you ', re not really supposed to - braddock knows the audience is in on the joke  and makes it a fun little romp as a result . the one drawback of curdled is that it was based on a short film  and it feels like it ; the material is just stretched too thin in order to fulfill a feature length running time  and some parts just seem to drag . while its running time is already a short 94 minutes  it could really stand to lose twenty minutes or so to give it better pacing . curdled seems destined to be a nice cult film for miramax . it ', ll be interesting to see if it will appeal to mainstream audiences as well .
pos it is often said by his fans that hal hartley movies are an acquired taste . indeed . while perhaps less dangerous than tequila shooters or bungee - jumping  they require no less amount of physical stamina and concentration . i felt rewarded at the end of henry fool ; this movie creeps up on you - at a slow 139 minutes  i mean creeps - and despite the final shot ', s ambiguity  i left completely satisfied . henry fool ( " used to have an ? e ', " ) arrives at garbageman simon grim ', s house  claims the vacant basement apartment  and almost instantly inspires simon ( urbaniak ) to take up writing - henry ( martin donovan look - alike ryan ) is an ex - convict  a once - great author who has been " exiled and marginalized " by the publishing community because of his criminal activity . simon ', s poetry turns him into a local sensation  as it causes mute women to sing  high - school girls to swoon  and councilmen to rile against its " pornographic " content . meanwhile  henry seduces both simon ', s dependent mother ( porter ) and immature sister ( sundance queen posey ) with philosophical babble ( which is by turns brilliant and inane ) and breathy animal lust . these story elements result in climaxes both inevitable and unpredictable ; the teacher - student relationship formed between henry and simon eventually reverses itself . henry fool is sprinkled with hartley - ian flourishes : simon drinks milk from " udderley ', s " ; the big teen hang - out is called " world of donuts " ; simon wears his garbageman ', s uniform throughout ; the editing style is decidedly elliptical . . . ( which is key to the conclusion ', s said ambiguity ) . the performances by the three leads are abrasive at first  self - consciously " quirky " ; the introductory scenes are a chore . these people do grow on you because they convey genuine passion  a belief in themselves  and because they have long - term goals ; henry and simon may drink a lot of budweiser and hang out on the streetcorner  but they aren ', t pop slackers . the story is rather classical : the tutor is a better talker than a doer  raised on books ; the timid tutee has innate talent his master only dreams of . ( shades of film school . . . ) the finished film is epic in its proportions for a story so small  and the final third does test one ', s patience  yet henry fool is tight  hardly excessive in its length . how refreshing to see a movie this long in 1998 devoted entirely to character . and unless i nodded off  not a single building exploded . this  hartley ', s seventh feature  is contemplative about " the artist " ; fortunately  we never get a sampling of simon ', s work  and it ', s a testament to the actors and the screenplay that by the end we can surmise what sort of thoughts would pour from these writers ', pens .
pos most people fit into two different categories : you either love woody allen  or you hate his guts . my family  for the most part  hates him and his movies . i think he ', s very funny  but his shtick has gotten forced and contrived over the years . so maybe taking his body away was the best decision any producer could have thought of . unrestrained by physical boundaries  allen ', s humor comes shining through . those who had problems with his physical appearance will be able to join the rest of us in laughing at allen ', s intelligent observations of life . those who had problems with his verbal comedy may want to skip this one . in 1995  a film was introduced to audiences which sparked their imaginations and showed them something they ', d never seen before . toy story used state - of - the - art computer technology and presented a world of toys who would come alive when no humans were present . many critics will call that a better film  but i believe they only say that because it was a completely original motion picture . antz  however  has upped the ante considerably . disney ', s a bug ', s life isn ', t due out for another two months  and dreamworks seems to have received the better end of the deal . by beating disney out  they have satisfied the audience ', s thirst for computer - animated films . but don ', t let that fool you : disney is definitely not scared . in the past two years  competitions have broken out between studios . in 1997  it was the volcano duel . in my opinion  dante ', s peak came out way ahead of its predecessor  both in time and in quality . volcano had an original premise  but destroyed that with some very ridiculous situations . in 1998  there are twice as many competing films . first was the comet competition  and armageddon blew away it ', s cheesily dramatic competitor deep impact . but now  it ', s even more interesting  as one beloved studio ( disney ) goes up against the newcomer ( dreamworks ) . who will prevail ? time will tell  but i ', m sure that mr . mouse has nothing to fear . this may sound like i didn ', t like antz ; on the contrary  i ', d put it up there with toy story . but due to it ', s pg rating  many parents may be put off by some of the dialogue which shouldn ', t appear in disney ', s version . some of the dialogue in antz pushes the envelope for a family - oriented film . sexual innuendoes and profanity pop up occasionally  which makes dreamworks ', animated feature geared more for an adult crowd . the humor is also written especially for adults  though many kids were laughing in the theater i attended . this is the type of film that should be made for families more often : entertaining for kids and entertaining for parents . antz begins with a hilarious monologue which seems a meld between woody allen ', s shtick and franz kafka ', s metamorphosis  the short story of a man who wakes up to discover himself as a bug . z ( allen ) is a troubled ant  believing he was not made to be a worker . " when you ', re the middle child in a family of five million . . . " he comments about his neglected childhood . one night  z is sitting in a bar with his friend weaver ( sylvester stallone )  discussing his pathetic place in life . in walks princess bala ( sharon stone )  whom no one recognizes without a crown . bala asks z is he would like to dance  and they engage in a pulp fiction - esque dance while everyone else is following the leader . after discovering that she is the princess  z falls in love  but there ', s a problem : bala is getting married to general mandible ( gene hackman )  a ruthless leader who merely wants to control a better and stronger colony . in order to do that  he must eliminate not only the queen ( anne bancroft )  but the weakest of the colony  namely the worker ants . but to get rid of the queen  he needs to get rid of the loyal army ants who would be willing to die for her . he and colonel cutter ( christopher walkin ) come up with a plan to send the loyal ants off to battle  where they will surely be killed . the queen is reluctant at first  but decides it is best for the colony . meanwhile  z wants to meet bala again  and he asks weaver  an army ant  to switch places with him . so z gets sent off to battle  but he manages to survive the slaughter by the termites . the battle sequence is absolutely stunning  though you may have flashbacks to starship troopers  which contained a very similar sequence . however  antz and that 1997 film were both in production around the same time  so the similarities are merely coincidence . the second half of the film revolves around z ', s kidnapping of bala  and their search for a mythical place called insectopia . there  an ant can be his own boss and have all the food he wants . the adventures z and bala get into are surprisingly high in tension  especially one involving a magnifying glass . looming over the targets like the spaceships from independence day ( in fact  i ', m just going to assume that the producers referenced id4 intentionally ) . the ants look up in awe  and then a beam of fire blasts into the ground . visually  it ', s an exciting rush of adrenaline . but don ', t be fooled . . . little kids shouldn ', t see this  as they may just try and copy it . after seeing antz  i vowed never to intentionally step on an ant again . hopefully  children will learn that killing ants is rather cruel . as an animated film  antz is probably the best you will find to date . visually  it ', s as stunning as what dreams may come . the best aspect of animation is the fact that the characters aren ', t limited by gravity . they can take ridiculous situations and make them seem plausible . one great moment involves a mass of worker ants bunching up to form a wrecking ball . the animation is so perfect that you can virtually see every single ant on the ball . however  the most exhilarating scene involves bala getting stuck to the bottom of a young boy ', s shoe . it ', s truly a great example of film making at its finest . with computer technology  the animators have carefully made the ants ', faces look similar to the actors providing the voices . the best example would have to be barbatus ( danny glover ) . at one point  you can even see the pores on his face ( although  i doubt ants have pores . . . do they ? ) . barbatus also has a touching but rather gruesome scene as he has his final words with z without a body . young kids may be disturbed by the site of a dismembered head  but a good deal of humor is derived ( more appropriate for adults  of course ) . disney ', s a bug ', s life looks good  but i don ', t know if they will be able to best dreamworks ', newest animated feature in terms of animation . if not  then dreamworks will have done something no other studio could do : go head to head with the big mouse  and knock him down ( yes  anastasia was good  but not nearly as good as even the worst of disney ) . vocal talent is always essential to an animated feature  and antz has one of the best line - ups seen since toy story . in fact  it far exceeds that one . woody allen has always been funny  but here he transcends most of what he ', s done in the past few years . without a body  his comic timing is the most noticeable thing . in fact  i ', m pretty sure that the writers let him improvise a lot of his lines . sharon stone as bala shows off some of her comic ability  though for the most part  stone works best as a dramatic actress . sylvester stallone ( teamed up with stone once again ) is beginning to solidify his statement that he wants to be an actor  not a typecast action star . after a snub at the oscars last year  stallone is proving himself as the serious ( or comedic  as illustrated here ) actor that he is . gene hackman is superb as the gruff - talking general  almost doing another take on his crimson tide persona . christopher walkin is probably more noticed by his voice  and so many people will remember him from such hits as batman returns . anne bancroft has a minimal role  but she ', s effective nonetheless . danny glover has a small role  but he does a very  very good job . dan aykroyd and jane curtin also lend their voices as two lovesick  euro - trash bees -- both are very unrecognizable  especially aykroyd . jennifer lopez plays a worker ant who falls in love with weaver  although most people won ', t recognize her voice either . many people will recognize grant shaud ', s voice as the foreman . he played miles on the tv show murphy brown . this is definitely a huge cast with some high - profile names  and it will definitely help it ', s grosses . of course  you can probably tell where a lot of the $ 60 million budget went to  also . directors eric darnell and lawrence guterman are relative newcomers ( though guterman did direct a 1994 feature  headless ! ) . but both show an incredible talent for this type of a picture . tense at times  and very funny throughout  the two hold this film together like professionals . the screenplay by todd alcott and chris weitz is quite simple in plot  but it contains a lot of subtlety that makes the film more suitable for adults . kids will delight in the animation  while parents can laugh heartily at the humor . most of it will go over young children ', s heads . does that mean you shouldn ', t take kids to see it ? not at all . they will have a lot of fun watching this one . what is great is the themes that are given to us . part social commentary  part romance story  and part moral drama  antz gives everyone something to talk about  whether it be the animation  or the discussions of individualism and community . thankfully  it ', s not subtle in either aspects . antz is rated pg for mild language and some intense action . sometimes the language can be pushing the limits for a family movie  but the violence is what should keep kids at home . the battle scene has ants melting in acid  and bugs being speared to death . and the magnifying scene shows an ant disintegrate in the beam of sunlight . but other than that ( and some sexual innuendos )  it ', s a perfect choice for some wholesome fun at the theaters . i doubt many children will understand the sexual innuendos unless they are old enough  but it ', s still advisable to leave really young children at home . have i confused you enough ? if you do take your kids  i recommend seeing the film with them  because more than likely  you ', ll enjoy it the most .
pos that ', s the question i asked myself when venturing nervously into " the wedding singer  " the latest film to star the saturday night live alumnus . does he draw laughs from his sad  puppy dog expression and don ', t - hate - me - for - being - a - simpleton observations ? or do fans giggle when he screams at the top of his lungs at people ? or is it just the fact that he sings songs with silly lyrics that bowl audiences over ? well  there ', s a little bit of all of that in " the wedding singer " and while i exited the theater still not one hundred percent sure of mr . sandler ', s thing  i did have a surprisingly good time . that ', s because  in a nutshell  " the wedding singer " is one of the sweetest movies you ', re ever likely to come across . that ', s right . sweet . the humor in the film runs the gamut from dumb to mildly amusing to laugh - out - loud hysterical but the tone ? well  it ', s just lovely . i have to admit i was half - expecting farting armpit humor  gratuitous nudity  superfluous  cloying subplots  and some nasty  unnecessary violence . instead ? well  i ', ve said it before . sweet . the year is 1985 and sandler plays robbie hart  the eponymous wedding singer  a job aspiring rock stars often settle for . when robbie ', s fianc ? e dumps him at his own altar  robbie gets depressed and turns to a plucky waitress called julia ( drew barrymore ) who has some problems of her own ( she ', s marrying a hunky junk bonds dealer who  unbeknownst to her  isn ', t that big on monogamy ) . it isn ', t giving anything away to say that robbie and julia fall in love . aww . . . sandler and barrymore are a good match and they ', re assisted by some terrific cameo appearances  including steve buscemi and jon lovitz  whose individual scenes are perhaps the funniest in the film . writer tim herlihy ( with uncredited assistance from carrie fisher ) keeps the story bubbling along to its predictable conclusion . it doesn ', t all work but it ', s handled with such light - heartedness that robbie and julia coming together generates more smiles than groans . herlihy and director frank coraci have done a great job of recreating the sights  sounds  and affectations of the 1980s . the soundtrack -- an ever - present force in the film -- is packed with wall - to - wall hits of the period  new wave upon new wave of songs from billy idol ', s " white wedding " to the smiths ', " how soon is now ? " to culture club ', s " do you really want to hurt me ? " the mix of music and fashion would make " the wedding singer " a great double feature with " boogie nights . " if you grew up listening to the cure and a flock of seagulls and the psychedelic furs  then " the wedding singer " is bound to put a nostalgic hop in your stride . if you ', re a fan of the lovable  laughable adam sandler  well . . . let ', s just say that " the wedding singer " might well be the only film in recent memory to make * me * want to rent " happy gilmore . "
pos jarvis cocker of pulp once said that he wrote common people after noticing mike leigh box - sets on the video shelves -- he had a feeling that economic deprivation was becoming a tourist experience for the well - off . maybe it ', s a classic case of displacement : it ', s easier to see jarvis ', own lyrics ( obsessed with acrylic and wood chip on the wall ) as a fetishization of lowlife  rather than leigh ', s films . but it ', s worth being reminded that drab interiors and a couple of working - class characters don ', t make for a guarantee of ', authenticity ',  let alone a good film . it ', s the triumph of secrets & lies  then  that it goes beyond gestures of sympathy for the common people into a probing of just what it means to seek ', authenticity ', and honesty in everyday lives . following her adopted mother ', s funeral  hortense  a young black optometrist  sets out to find her birth mother  and is disturbed to find out that she is white . it is cynthia  a factory worker who lives in a shabby house with her perpetually moody daughter roxanne . cynthia ', s younger brother maurice is a successful photographer who has not seen his sister for ages  largely because of his wife ', s animosity towards her . hortense calls up cynthia  who initially breaks down in tears and refuses to see her . but their mutually suspicious meeting gives way to a warm friendship eventually . cynthia invites hortense to come along to a party  which maurice is hosting . . . secrets & lies has a simple enough theme at its heart -- as one character puts it  " best to tell the truth  isn ', t it ? that way nobody gets hurt . " . but if the film delivers much more than a trite message  it ', s because we are also shown how hard it can be to face up to ugly truths  even while the evasions and unspoken grievances slowly choke us . hence  cynthia ', s difficulty with acknowledging ( first to herself  then to others ) that hortense is her daughter . one of her first reactions to seeing hortense is a sincere denial that she has ever " been with a black man "  before a long - suppressed memory seizes her . at the party  cynthia ', s pretense that hortense is her factory co - worker leads her to ever more convoluted lies  as agonizing as they are funny . little lies seep into every corner  like maurice pretending that he ', s " just dropping by " when he visits cynthia after much deliberation . maurice ', s job as a photographer gives the film opportunities for side comments on the main theme - a sad - looking bride that maurice coaxes to smile  a couple who pose awkwardly with a prominent wedding ring and argue about his spectacles . one of the most startling images is of a beautiful woman with large scars on her face : she says she needs the photo to look " as bad as possible " to collect insurance money  yet the short scene leaves you wondering about what untold story lies behind the scars . there are occasionally hilarious moments  as when cynthia attempts to give her daughter some unwelcome advice on contraception  " i ', ve got a dutch cap floating about somewhere upstairs " ; or when cynthia stares at her own rather pedestrian legs and tells roxanne  " if you ', ve got it  flaunt it  is what i say . " as played by brenda blethyn  cynthia comes close to being a caricature  with her nervous  somewhat disconnected way of talking . but she ', s really just right for the role of someone who inspires sympathy and yet strains the tolerance of those around her  precisely because she ', s so needy of love  perhaps . indeed  the whole cast gives warmly rounded  detailed performances . the script was developed partly through improvisations  and the fusion of cast  script and director shows best in the party scene - seemingly everyone is talking at the same time  and yet many subtle observations are being made throughout . in a very different way  but also using a long single shot  the scene of hortense and cynthia ', s first meeting in a lonely caf = 8a achieves a touching intensity  all the more for their reticence and unspoken feelings . the film ', s climax - with all the secrets and lies finally spilled out in ibsen - esque revelations  and everybody hugging each other - is the one thing that seems false about this film . however  it ', s a film that truly earns its happy ending after the misery and repression of the character ', s lives . when cynthia says near the end  this is the life  innit ?  you get the sense that  following the cynicism of his last film naked  leigh has rediscovered that life can be sweet after all  without comforting illusions . the flying inkpot ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
pos richard linklater ', s " slacker  " made in 1991 for a budget of only $ 23  000  immerses itself in the twentysomething  college - town culture of austin  texas . most of these characters are either unemployed or work jobs that are apparently too menial to be worth mentioning . their lifestyle is a sort of passive resistance to the idea that people should go out and actively pursue a career after graduation ; they seem content to sit around spouting off about the inadequacy of american democracy  the pervasiveness of slave morality  the subtle messages in pop culture  and such . ask them what they ', ve been doing lately  and they ', ll more likely than not reply  " oh  you know  just hanging out . " linklater uses an interesting technique to examine these characters : the camera follows one person for a few minutes  then someone else walks by and the camera follows that person  who walks into a diner just as another person is walking out the door . . . . it ', s certainly a lot of fun listening to these characters talk : some of them are clearly very intelligent and have some genuinely insightful ideas  some of them are just plain weird  and some of them think their ideas are a lot more profound than they really are . the opening monologue  delivered by linklater himself to a taxi driver  tosses around ideas about alternate realities that nicely set up the meandering structure of the film . other characters along the way offer observations about everything from dating relationships to the history of anarchist philosophy  while groups of pseudo - intellectuals kick around ideas about the nobility of sitting around and doing nothing or the subtle bribery - based morality in " scooby - doo . " for the most part  however  the best moments are the ones involving the slightly unhinged types . near the beginning  a paranoid man follows a pedestrian for several blocks  warning him about government conspiracies involving everything from global warming to secret colonization of mars . another man seems to be collecting televisions  keeping at least fifteen sets running at the same time and playing tapes of a graduate student who recorded himself having a nervous breakdown and destroying the camera . and in a scene that drew a big laugh from everyone present when i saw the film  a man tries to achieve closure after a failed relationship by reciting poetry on a bridge and then throwing a typewriter into the creek below . the only problem with " slacker " is that it starts to run out of steam towards the end . since linklater only spends a few minutes with each character  the introduction of the new characters gets repetitive after a while . there are only so many times you can hear  " hey  what ', s going on ? " " not much  what are you up to ? " " nothing really  just hanging around  " before it gets on your nerves ; the film might well have benefited from a slightly slower pace and a little bit more characterization . and the dialogue in the second half of the film is by and large not quite as interesting as that in the first half ; a jfk buff  for example  seems like a pale imitation of the previous conspiracy theorist  and many of the characters just generally aren ', t as weird or unique . instead of depicting a city populated by mostly normal people and then showing us the strangeness that we might not have noticed at first  linklater shows us the oddballs first  then stops and reminds us that ordinary people live there too . " slacker " is a good film and a wonderfully offbeat and entertaining comedy  whatever its flaws  and its status as a cult classic is well - deserved . i just can ', t help but think it might have been even better if linklater had slowed down a little bit and filmed these scenes in reverse order .
pos " a breed apart " casts rutger hauer as a crazy  bird - loving recluse who picks his feathered friends over kathleen turner . a bit hard to swallow ? that ', s only the first of many improbabilities in this film . hauer stars as a man obsessed with keeping the birds on his island safe  while boothe plays a guy hired to steal a couple of rare eagle eggs by a rich egg collector . turner is the woman caught between the two men . " a breed apart " isn ', t a bad movie  exactly . indeed  i found myself rooting for both the hauer and boothe characters  even though their goals couldn ', t be more different . the problem with the film is that there are just too many inconsistencies . for example  early on in the film  hauer physically assaults two drunken rednecks shooting at " his " birds . later on  the rednecks come back for revenge with four other people  and hauer kills a few of them . i have a tough time believing that the police wouldn ', t get involved at that point . another problem is the silly love - triangle that develops . i didn ', t care one way or the other who ended up with turner . i was more interested in finding out which of the two men would be victorious in their respective missions . however  despite this uninteresting sub - plot  turner did manage to give a great performance as the woman who reminds the two men that sometimes there ', s more to life than money and birds . as for hauer  he ', s an actor i ', ve always admired . he has a penchant for picking strange and unusual characters . and this one is no exception . he ', s frequently seen riding around his island on a white horse  wearing pirate ', s clothing  and holstering a cross - bow . despite all his eccentric mannerisms  though  hauer always manages to let the human side of his character shine through . for example  there ', s a scene in which he barks at turner and her son because they came onto his island a day early . he comes off as crazy loner in that scene  but a few minutes later  he is apologizing to turner  and we believe his intentions . soon after  we find out he ', s a vietnam vet  and his actions become fairly clear to us . " a breed apart " isn ', t a great movie by any means  but it does contain good performances by all three leads  and it ', s worth seeing for that reason alone .
pos titanic is so close to being the perfect movie it ', s upsetting that it isn ', t . the film  which cost $ 200 million + to make and could of put 20th century fox into a lot of finicial trouble if it ', sunk ', ( pun intended ) is a labour of love for cameron  who wrote and directed the film . we all know that big budget dosen ', t mean great film ( see waterworld ( 1995 ) ) but titanic is far superior to kevin costners waterlogged epic . but sadly  titanic just misses the mark of masterpiece ( although it is one of cameron ', s best films ) the film starts with present day explorers searching the runied titanic . they find a safe  and inside a picture of a woman . the woman in the picture ( an old winslet ) tells the explorers that the picture is of her . the explorers invite her over  and she then tells her story of titanic . in the flashback  dicaprio plays poor boy jack dawson  who  after winning a poker game  wins two tickets to board the grand ship titanic  leaving liverpool to go to america . also boarding the ship is rich woman rose dewitt bukater ( winslet ) who is being forced into a marriage with a man she dosen ', t love at all  cal hockley ( zane ) so her family can remain rich . she nearly commits suicide on the ship  but jack comes to the rescue  saves rose  they fall in love  and cal gets jealous and eventually tries to kill them . oh yeah  and the ship sinks . and that is the main problem with the film  and which stops it from being a work of genius . the story and script ( both by cameron ) are both weak . the story is full of cliched characters  ( the creepy man who the nice girl has to marry  the poor boy with heart  the stuck - up mother ) and poor dialogue ( the script consists of lots of in - jokes of how the boat won ', t sink  and most of the dialogue is pretty basic ) it ', s a shame really  as the audience does have to sit through 3 hours of this film . without good dialogue  a film could become a very long  very boring film ( like camerons own terminator 2  1992 ) but  luckily  there are some redeeming features that make the story and dialogue problems just disappear . firstly  there ', s cameron ', s direction . there are some great sweeping shots of the titanic  and some clever fades between the flashback titanic and the ruined titanic . but the scenes cameron directs especially well are the disaster scenes at the end . there is a lot of mayhem and panic  all done very well by cameron . it ', s a scary sight  watching bodies fall from great heights into the watery depths below . thanks to cameron ', s direction  then  the audiences attention is held for the full 3 hours 15 minutes . to support the directing are the excellent cast  working very well with their underwritten characters . dicaprio is good  although he only looks 16 - 17 years old . his performance of a over excitiable  yet also well mannered boy is excellent  and he also has some funny lines . winslet is great also  and her transistion from a well mannered rich girl to a rebelous young adult is pretty smooth . zane is deliciously evil as cal  saying every line with a sneer and a flicker of the eye lash . the audience really does come to hate him . he may be playing the same character he plays in every film he ', s in ( like dead calm  1988 ) but he does it really  really well . also worthy of note is kathy bates ( edward scissorhands  1990 ) as a loud mouthed american . finally  the icing on the ', great things ', cake are the special effects . cameron is a whiz with effects ( just watch aliens ( 1988 )  terminator 2 and true lies  1994 ) and they are used very well throughout . the sweeps of the ships are awesome  although digital domain  who did the effects  cannot animate human movement too well . the humans seem to move to ', smoothly ',  there ', s just something odd about them . you can tell that they have been animated on a computer . of course  the ship sinking scenes are awesome  with bodies flying all over the place  and the scene where the ship splits in half has to be seen to be believed . titanic is one of the only films where effects have reinforced the film . titanic  then  is a wonder of directing  acting and cgi  but not writing and story . again  like most of camerons films  the editing is loose ( cameron edits himself )  and the film could of come in under three hours with a few more cuts . titanic  then  although not the godfather of movies it could of been  is a wonderful attempt at creating a work of genius . enjoyable  scary  and even sad  titanic is a film cinema was invented for  filling the screen with incredible images  and assaulting the ears with awesome sound . a superb film  but sadly not perfect . overall rating = (
pos on seeing the outrageous previews for bulworth one wonders what plot could possibly allow beatty get away with making those statements ( in case you missed it  warren beatty plays a politician on the campaign trail . he says to a black congregation " . . . if you can ', t cut down on malt liquor and chicken wings and get behind someone other than a running back who stabs his wife  you ', re never gonna get rid of me . " ) well  there is such a plot  and it works very well in this comedy . beatty plays jay billington bulworth  a long - time democratic senator from california . the movie opens on a painfully repetitious montage of bulworth ', s latest commercials condemning affirmative action . the montage is ironically intercut with pictures of martin luther king and bulworth in his youth working with jack kennedy . when we finally lay eyes on bulworth he is morosely weeping in front of his tv  having gone without food or sleep for days . his campaign is entering the final weekend before the primaries but his depression has sunk in too far for him to care . first he calls a lobbyist from the insurance industry to get a bribe - a $ 10 million life insurance policy in his daughter ', s name . then he calls an associate to arrange for his own assassination . his assistant murphy ( oliver platt ) is oblivious to bulworth ', s suicidal state and drags him to his speaking engagements . bulworth halfheartedly reads his speech at an african - american church  then takes questions from the audience . he is hit hard with questions about his voting record . he had promised money to help rebuild the community after the riots  and it hasn ', t shown up . since he ', s a dead man anyway  he figures he ', ll answer truthfully : he and bill clinton and newt gingrich came to l . a . for the photo opportunity . they made some promises that improved their public image for a while  and then counted on the media and the public to eventually forget about the promises they made . the shock and outrage from the congregation grows  the questions keep coming  and he keeps shooting back honest  if ugly  answers . ( before i go further  i ', d like to make a distinction that the denver post failed to make  and that is that characterizing african - americans as malt - liquor drinking o . j . fans is not part of bulworth ', s " truth . " that line is in the trailers but it should not be praised like the other political confessions he makes in the movie . when the critics praise beatty for speaking the truth about politics  this line is not what they ', re talking about . ) the experience is liberating . with nothing left to lose  bulworth is no longer restricted to burping generic platitudes out of both sides of his mouth . he can say whatever he wants because he ', s going to be dead anyway . why not tell the people the truth about being a sleazy politician - that he is bought and paid for by lobbyists  and that racism among the populace protects politicians from being the target of charges of classism ? bulworth ', s candor wins him three volunteers from the church  one of whom  nikki ( halle barry )  he gets a crush on . he feels so good afterwards that he actually eats something . chicken wings  appropriately enough . bulworth shows up late for his meeting with some movie studio executives . when one of them asks where he stands on government regulation of movie and tv ratings  bulworth drifts to the topic of the quality of filmed entertainment . with so much money and so many talented people working so hard  he wonders  why can ', t hollywood make a quality product . ( you go  warren ! ) when they become indignant and ask why he ', s talking to them if he has such a low opinion of their product  he callously admits that it ', s because they are rich jews . that night he drops the three african - american volunteers at their nightclub  and he decides to go in with them . he stays up all night drinking  smoking pot  dancing  falling in love with nikki  and learning to scratch turntables and rap . the next day  he shuns his prepared speech and instead raps to the suit - and - tie fundraisers . from then on  at all of his political appearances  he raps his political truth . his rap is not bad for a middle - aged white guy . he ', s not very good  but it is his first try and at least he ', s not embarrassingly bad . his lobbyists are not amused  but the rest of his constituency seems to like the new bulworth . eventually  the movie ', s plot ( remember he hired a hit man ? ) overtakes the politics  which is too bad . screen time is spent with bulworth trying to cancel the request for his assassination while the hit man seems to be closing in on him . there are even a few gratuitous chase scenes  bulworth fleeing his killer . these scenes may have been necessary to keep the events of the film moving along  but it distracted and detracted from bulworth ', s political ranting  which was much more interesting than the ever - present  obvious - looking assassin . still  most of the movie is original and very enjoyable  and beatty deserves most of credit for bringing it to the screen . as the story and screen writer  he came up first with a good structure  then with good dialogue to back it up ( jeremy pikser co - wrote the screenplay ) . as an actor  he was able to convincingly portray bulworth ', s depression  then liberation and rebirth . as a producer ( there were four others ) he was able to keep the movie free from hollywood ', s indulgent formulas ( except for those inexcusable chase scenes ) . someone else probably could have directed  but since he was there anyway  what the heck . it ', s too bad that there aren ', t more movies like this around - movies that tackle political corruption in a way that challenges viewers to pay more attention to real politics . after all  much of the inspiration for bulworth is straight out of the news . just a little perception and insight and you could write your own bulworth rants . just don ', t expect to be popular with the insurance companies .
pos american pie acknowledges a cold  hard fact that most movies don ', t : it is very difficult to get laid . its four virgin heroes are jim ( biggs )  a chronic masturbator  kev ( nicholas )  who desperately wants to deflower his girlfriend ( reid )  oz ( klein )  a lacrosse player whose approach requires some fine tuning  and finch ( eddie kaye thomas )  a germphobe ( his crass nickname is hilarious  but i won ', t spoil it here ) who pays a classmate to spread rumours about the size of his member . jim  kev  oz and finch attend a high school in suburban michigan full of so many impossibly beautiful women it ', s no wonder they ', re horny all the time . after a party at their studly friend stifler ', s ( seann william scott  in the film ', s sharpest performance ) house leaves them sexually unsatisfied  the quartet make a pact : to " lose it " by graduation - specifically  prom night  which is only a few weeks away . american pie is in the tradition of bachelor party or revenge of the nerds . almost every conversation these characters have revolves around makin ', whoopee . all women are there to be ogled . ( alyson hannigan ', s perky music student is the only memorable female of the bunch . ) situations abound that defy logic only to arouse and / or amuse its core audience  adolescent boys . ( to arouse : nadia ', s ( shannon elizabeth ) internet striptease - an unexpectedly raucous ( and guiltily pleasurable ) sequence . to amuse : jim ', s lusty encounter with a hot apple pie . ) what differentiates american pie from those dirty eighties comedies  aside from a very nineties obsession with bodily fluids *  is a cast that ', s light years more appealing than that of  say  just one of the guys . two more standouts : klein and " sctv " ', s eugene levy . klein plays a kind - hearted athlete for the second time in a row  after alexander payne ', s underappreciated election . i hope to see more of this warm actor with the disarmingly honest face very soon . levy ', s is the most crowd - pleasing performance  and indeed  it ', s nice to see him back on the big screen in a role that makes wonderful use of that expressive brow . american pie also wants to emulate the teen flicks your parents _would_ let you watch growing up . it skillfully employs a broad mix of pop tunes  much like john hughes ', movies did  and even pays homage to the breakfast club a couple of times  most evidently when the prom band covers simple minds ', " don ', t you ( forget about me ) . " the picture ultimately has a healthy  if obligatory  attitude towards safe sex - even at their most libidinous  american pie ', s protagonists first whip out a condom . the filmmakers prove that socially responsible raunch is possible . for its familiarity and for its charming leads  i recommend american pie  but the buzz on this film had me expecting something . . . fresher . as far as the new teen cinema goes  it ', s at the top of the heap . * don ', t say i didn ', t warn you about the party scene .
pos the 1998 summer movie season is still in its infancy . but after diasappointing films such as " godzilla " and " fear and loathing in las vegas "  it would be nice to see a really good film . but i doubt you could have expected this . the truman show is one of the most unique films i have ever seen  and it deserves a spot on the " decade ', s best " list . there is no way to isolate any single component of this picture and proclaim  " yes  that ', s what makes this film great . " the blend of peter weir ', s masterful ( and in many ways brilliant ) direction  peter biziou ', s stunning photography and jim carrey ', s performance is what makes this film work so fantastically . there is something strangely beautiful about every shot in the truman show . it may be the use of color or the placement of characters in the frame  but everything about this film looks intentional and perfect . carrey has made a very wise choice . by playing mild - mannered truman burbank  he allows himself enough room to be comical  and therefore not alienating his true fans  while still showing a vulnerable and human side . that is a side which has been missing from nearly every major character he has played in his numerous commercial successes . truman burbank was born to an audience of millions . he was chosen before birth to be the focus of a 24 hour television show . everything in his environment is controlled by a team of technicians  led by the show ', s director  christof ( played by ed harris ) . everyone in truman ', s life is an actor or an extra . they are all being watched by millions of people around the globe  people who can tune in at any time of the day to see what is happening in truman ', s life . but he is the only person that is not aware of it . the classification of the truman show may be tricky . the audience reacted to many of truman ', s revelations with laughter . i did not laugh much during the film because i was so emotionally wrapped up with the character . the things that made the audience laugh gave me glassy eyes  because what was happening to him  indeed what had been done to him his whole life was wrong . so is this going to end up labeled as a comedy ? a drama ? it really depends on the audience . but to me  the truman show was a touching  sad tale about the extents to which a corporation will go to exploit human life for the entertainment of others . but above all else  the truman show was a stunningly beautiful picture with humor  heart and scary realism . oscar predictions in june are pointless  but if the truman show had been released on schedule in late fall or winter of 1997  as originally planned  james cameron would be oscar - less .
pos one way of telling if a film is good or not is by the length . if a film is only 90 minutes  but feels like 300 minutes  then it ', s crap . but if a film last 2 1 / 2 hours  and feels like 90 minutes  then it ', s excellent . boogie nights falls into the latter catagory . the director  anderson  delivers a funny  hip  yet sometimes violent film  which flies along . mark whalberg  a . k . a marky mark  plays eddie adams  a seventeen year old with a certain ', gift ', in the midriff area . jack horner ( reynolds ) is a adult film director  who decides that eddie would be great in the adult movie business . after running away from home  eddie joins jack  changes his name to dirk diggler  and starts making erotic movies . in the movie business  dirk meets a whole load of characters ( which the film introduces very quickly and slickly ) such as scotty ( phillip seymour hoffman )  rollergirl ( graham ) amber ( moore ) and floyd ( phillip baker hall )  and little bill ( william h . macy ) all the characters are well written  well played  and the audience gets to know them pretty well  thanks to the excellent script . we learn about ambers grief about not being able to see her child due to a divorce  rollergirls hard time at school  and little bills wife  who sleeps with everyone except her husband . but the best thing about the excellent boogie nights is paul andersons direction and writing . the direction is fast  thrilling  and never holds up . there are some great shots  some lovely steadiocam and handheld camera sequences  and lots of other neat directional touches . the writing is fabulous  with some intelligent dialogue  some funny dialogue  but none of the dialogue is crap  like most hollywood films ( such as the lost world : jurassic park ( 1997 )  or tommorow never dies ( 1997 ) . ) boogie nights really is a spectacular feat of direction and writing  on par ( and sometimes betters ) quentin tarantino ', s films resevoir dogs ( 1992 ) and pulp fiction ( 1994 ) the soundtrack is also excellent . like american graffiti ( 1973 )  the film features some great old songs on the soundtrack  which heightens the atmosphere  and gives the film an extra lift . also  the costumes are great . the clothes really do look like what people wore in the seventies and eighties . the film  although excellent  does have some flaws . firstly  wahlberg  although excellent  cannot do highly scenes which require him to be angry . in both scenes where he has to act angry  his acting is so ', off ',  the scenes tension and anger is lost . but the rest of the cast are excellent . burt reynolds is brilliant  julianne moore shows real emotion  and william h . macy is great aswell ( but he always is . ) another flaw with the film  though  is that the ending seems a bit tacked on . it seems anderson saw the film was going on a bit  and needed to wrap up quickly . it ', s a shame  really  as the rest of the film is perfectly paced . but they ', re small niggles really . boogie nights is an excellent film . superb directing  writing  acting and music  all combine to make one spectacular film . whatever you do  do not miss out on boogie nights .
pos it ', s ironic that the best films in cinema history are invariably the original director ', s cut of the film . films such as aliens  the abyss  the wild bunch  blade runner  and terminator 2 are all prime examples of a filmmaker ', s integrity  later chopped up or mucked with by the studio . the advent of the dvd format has provided a more accessible way to get these original cuts to the public and provide to film freaks like myself the ability to become further enraptured by the extension of such classic films . the dvd release of the original international version of luc besson ', s 1995 masterpiece the professional  which is known as l ? on around the world  is a prime example of how a good film can become an instant classic as a director ', s cut . for years  i have heard of an " international " version available only in laserdisc format  which has eluded me for years . i even bought a laserdisc player from my uncle don for 100 bucks just to watch certain directors ', cuts - including l ? on . but after countless searches in laserdisc stores  i could never find it . until now . the film follows the story of l ? on  played by jean reno  a professional hit man for an italian mob crew run by danny aiello . he lives next door to a ferociously independent 12 - year - old girl named mathilda - played by then newcomer natalie portman  whose father is involved in drugs and crooked cops . one day  a crew of the cops - lead by gary oldman in an over - the - top performance - kills her entire family while mathilda is out buying groceries . taking pity on her  l ? on hides her in his apartment when she returns to save her life . mathilda learns of l ? on ', s hit man profession and decides to follow in l ? on ', s footsteps as a " cleaner . " she then falls in love with him and manages to reawaken emotions within l ? on he has kept locked away as part of his profession . at this point  the differences in the american version and the international version really kick in . the international version contains an additional 24 minutes of footage that pertains directly to the relationship of l ? on and mathilda  footage that american censors deemed " too explicit . " i assume that american censors feel that defining character development is too much for american audiences to handle . the best part of this extra footage is that gives better understanding of both mathilda ', s and l ? on ', s motivations pertaining to later actions involving oldman and his crew of bad cops . there ', s even a previously unseen cameo by the great french actor jean - hugues anglade - star of queen margot  besson ', s la femme nikita  and killing zoe . with these additional scenes replaced  l ? on and matilda ', s relationship brings you emotionally closer to the film and draws stronger bonds between the characters that were murky in the american version . the most ironic thing about the international version of the film is that with the inclusion of the missing scenes  the film becomes primarily a heavy  emotional drama punctuated with big action scenes at the beginning and the end of the film . the film betters reflects the serious drama of french cinema but is laced with pieces reflecting the brutality of american cinema . my advice to everyone out there is to throw away your copy of the professional  throw down twenty bucks  and pick up this newly restored cinematic masterpiece . director / writer : luc besson producer : luc besson  claude besson starring : jean reno  natalie portman  gary oldman  danny aiello
pos while it was part of former yugoslavia  my country  croatia  used to be almost completely ignored by western films in general . words " croatia " and " croatians " were unheard  even in movies whose plots actually took place on croatian locations . the rare exception was the dogs of war  1980 adaptation of frederick forsyth ', s bestselling novel  yet that rare occasion only added insult to the injury  by mentioning croatians in most unflattering context . in a single line they are referred as a bunch of mean people  probably terrorists  who happen to remove parts of arm dealers ', stomachs when they are unsatisfied with the quality of merchandise . same line also illustrates the milieu where the movie takes place - dark and violent world of shady international deals with the blurred boundaries between business  politics and crime . the movie protagonist  shannon ( christopher walken ) is a mercenary who spent the best years of his life fighting numerous little wars all over the globe . his latest job is a intelligence mission for powerful mining corporation that demands information about political climate in west african nation of zangaro . shannon arrives in that country only to find oppressive regime of president kimba  bloodthirsty madman whose brutality crushed any opposition and scared almost any westerners away . after being arrested and tortured by kimba ', s secret police  shannon leaves country with a help of british journalist north ( colin blakely ) . upon return  he is approached by mining company again  but this time they want him to plan and execute the coup d ', etat against kimba . shannon reluctantly agrees and assembles small group of his surviving mercenary friends who begin meticulous preparation for another small war . thing that separates the dogs of war from conventional action movies  especially those made in 1980s  is its authenticity  almost close to documentary . it shouldn ', t surprise anyone  because the author of the novel  frederick forsyth  made reputation by blending fiction with real life  thus creating interesting  exciting yet very believable plots for his books . those plots were also responsible for few very successful 1970s thrillers  and one of them  zinnemman ', s the day of the jackal  is now considered a classic in that genre . this one deals with soldiers of fortune  ancient tradition that was resurrected in great turmoil of 1960s and 1970s and filled the void left by vanishing colonial empires . unlike wild geese  that used it as a pretext for conventional action adventure  script by george malko and gary de vore ( author whose death last year became real life mystery ) is serious  and instead of action puts emphasis on characters and prosaic details of their work . the movie doesn ', t try to romanticise the mercenary profession nor glorify mercenaries as some kind of superheroes ; they are simply shown as deadly yet expendable tool of powerful forces with questionable agenda . christopher walken played in many movies  yet very rarely we can see him in a leading role . his performance in this film perhaps isn ', t breathtaking  yet adequate . his notoriously expressionless face is perfect illustration of the disillusioned  world - weary man whose alienation from the " normal " way of life becomes complete and only remaining ideal is loyalty to the shrinking circle of friends . although the movie doesn ', t lack capable actors  their roles are miniature compared with walken ', s  and only colin blakely as cynical reporter has opportunity to portray his character . however  those who look familiar faces would find them plenty in the dogs of war - tom berenger  paul freeman  jo beth williams  victoria tennant ( in brief cameo )  and biggest surprise is ed o ', neill ( of married with children fame ) as shannon ', s reluctant colleague . this was the first major production for john irvin  and it shows why he earned the reputation of capable  yet second class director . with the good script he can make very good movie  with the bad script he can make real mess . luckily  the dogs of war had a good script . irvin ', s direction was very ascetic and it gave the movie almost documentary feel . the only distraction is dramatic music of geoffrey burgon  used on the wrong places . in the final battle scene  where we can see mercenaries at work  irvin shows us that modern warfare means superior firepower and tactics  unlike 1980s ramboesque fantasies that rely on macho superheroes . unfortunately  by making battle realistic irvin made it somewhat less attractive and his sloppy editing also didn ', t help . but  despite those shortcomings  this movie remains interesting and rare combination of action thriller and gritty  realistic political drama .
pos the happy bastard ', s quick movie review analyze this how does one do a comedy focused on the mob ? well  a few years ago  there was a sly little comedy called the freshman  which had marlon brando doing a romp of a send - up of his famous don corleone character and  recently  the utterly stupid ( in a bad way ) movie mafia ! failed to really get the joke . this time around  however  warner bros . may have gotten it right with analyze this  a movie that hits its targets more than it misses . . . and for plenty of reasons . the story goes like this . a mobster ( robert deniro ) finds himself receiving several panic attacks as of late  fueled by the stress of an upcoming mobster meeting and a near - death following a drive - by shooting . it ', s these attacks that prompt him to hire a psychiatrist ( billy crystal ) who ', s mostly reluctant to take the mobster ', s case for two reasons . first  of course  he ', s a mobster  but secondly  he ', s trying to get married and enjoy a quiet honeymoon with his wife ( lisa kudrow ) and kid . and  of course  he can ', t rest worth for a moment because the mobster ', s goons are always needing the shrink for something  be it a quick consultation or dream analyzation . fortunately  the movie is played out for plenty of laughs . director harold ramis ( who also helmed the comedy multiplicity  which wasn ', t half bad ) keeps the tone peppy and light  even if it ', s sometimes sprinkled by slight dramatic moments ( shootings can ', t always be taken for laughs  you know ) . deniro does some of his finest comic work since the king of comedy  giving off a somewhat similar performance to his role in goodfellas  but with a bit of a lighter heart . ( a scene where he tries to display his anger over the phone and fails miserably is hilarious . ) crystal plays an excellent straight man to deniro ', s character  uplifting him from such bombs as father ', s day and my giant . kudrow is also a hoot as crystal ', s wife - to - be  who ', s on the verge of a breakdown thanks to deniro ', s presence . is the movie perfect ? not really  thanks to a simplistic ending and some slightly wasted moments with a character portrayed by chazz palminteri ( he ', s a comic actor  too  come on  give him some more ! )  but it is an enjoyable romp that lets deniro do something different but same for a change  taking his dramatic act to a new field of comedy . kudos to crystal and kudrow for not just making it his show  either . line of the movie : crystal : " when you said you needed family therapy  this is not the family i had in mind ! "
pos this is a film about secrets  some that are innocent like those of a cute little farm girl  frances boyd ( ashley ) . others that are between a married couple that is impacting their relationship  like the problems of infertility affecting this upwardly mobile couple  geoffrey gaines ( stephen ramsey )  the medical researcher working for a big corporation called fex and striving to get a patent for his experiment and become recognized in his field  and his artist wife  lillian ( miriam healy - louie )  who reluctantly stands behind her husband suppressing her natural artistic tendencies in order to make the marriage work . and  still other secrets that have a greater implication for the world and are deadly in a political sense  of science carried out by the big corporations like it was a business run for the bottom line . receiving a summer grant to study " chemo - electric therapy  " geoffrey and his wife are hoping that a summer spent away from the intensity of the big city will bring back the romance that is dwindling from their marriage and that the casualness of the country atmosphere will give them more time together  as their three - year marriage has become shaky because he is more interested in his work than he is in her . he has slyly managed to keep his work as secretive as possible by locking himself in the lab  which is off limits to her  as he secretly goes about conducting experiments on rats and mice  convincing her that what he is doing is to benefit humanity with possible new treatments and cures to illnesses . his main argument is  that this is what the public wants  they don ', t want to hear about how some animals had to die because of these experiments  they just want the benefits of science . that he is depicted as a monster creating another monster  much like frankenstein was created  is the argument skewed by the director against his bad science ( science as a business ) as opposed to the good science ( science that cares about the small farmer )  which is represented by the handsome and almost perfect gentleman  alex vine ( david )  a young ecologist who chooses to work in the field  trying to get the farmers to go back to organic farming . he is hired by the university to monitor the dangers of pesticides and all the chemicals the farmer is almost forced to use to survive financially  as it is doing irreparable harm to him and the consumer because of all the health risks attached to this new way of farming  methods that have just come about in the last thirty - years and are being pushed by the big companies to enhance their profit margins . the third view in all this is the artist ', s  represented by lillian  who points out that the artist ', s work is shown in public and scrutinized constantly  " why shouldn ', t the same be true of the scientist ? " she argues that the artist is the watchdog for the public  questioning what is good or evil in society  something that bad science has completely ignored . geoffrey  impatient to get ahead with his research  feels bogged down by the bureaucrats in his firm who fail to provide him with the three chimps he needs to experiment on  as he contacts one of the company ', s higher ups to argue his case  but decides he can ', t wait any longer for their help  so he sets an animal trap in the countryside and catches chester  the gorgeous pet dog of frances  a dog that means so much to her and her family because he saved her life . while out in the field with the bloodied trapped dog already in the back seat of his car  he is spotted by alex and one of his co - workers  and nervously invites them to dinner with his wife  afraid that alex will spot what he is doing  as he rushes away from the area . in the dinner scene that was  unfortunately  flatly done  but was nevertheless the heart of the film  as all the main characters get a chance to speak out from the point of view they represent as they eat meat  a means of getting protein that the radical scientists have eschewed since they became so politically correct about everything . the scientists engage in a rational argument  highlighting their different points of view  while lillian reacts in an emotional way  siding mostly with david ', s view but coming at it from a much different angle . it was as if the actors were puppets on strings that the director controlled and they just spewed out their generalized philosophies . that the director ', s point of view is absolutely right  is beside the point . the point is that the characters lost their humanity and became one - dimensional characters . geoffrey was likened to a hideous monster  alex vine was likened to his last name  the one who holds fast to the ground ensuring that the plant has stability  while lillian was likened to the muse of poetry and art  the inspiration for goodness and beauty . alex has been spending a lot of time together with lillian  as these two seem to share the same views and are physically attracted to each other  but when the time is ripe for an affair to take place between them  lillian changes her mind and decides not to go up to alex ', s apartment . geoffrey is already suspicious of alex and considers him an enemy  and the marriage seems to be coming apart and all his cunning tricks to possess her are no longer working  as it is now impossible to see any good in him and there becomes no reason why she would remain with him . the relationship has disintegrated way beyond the point of her just feeling lonely . the dog is discovered by alex and her in a deplorable state after geoffrey is seen by them electrically shocking it  and mercifully the dog dies . the only thing left for her to do is walk out of the marriage  but she also fails to respond to david ', s loving gesture for her to stay with him  instead opting to head back to the city . the farmer whose dog was tortured to death comes into the scientist ', s lab and knocks him cold while he was in the middle of a phone conversation with one of the higher - ups who told him all the animals he needs are on the way . what is progress ? what can one expect out of life ? is the small farmer about to become extinct ? the answers to these questions can best be answered by either good science or art  which are both closely related to the american natives vision of a world entrusted to mankind so that he can respect it and take care of it and enrich it with his creations to benefit mankind in a peaceful way . that this work fails to be subtle and polarizes opinions  leaving no room for deeper arguments  is the shame of this decent and smart film  that tried so hard to say what it felt it had to say but said it so loudly without trusting its audience to catch on to its message by not making everything seem so black and white . no telling said a lot about the harmful trends it sees science going in ; it probably said too much and would have been better off if its vision was more poetical and less didactic . there is something about listening to a lecture that turns off the rebel in me  as i don ', t like being hit in the head with the truth but prefer to have it presented in the form that leads to inspiration or told metaphorically . that is not to say that i found the film without considerable merit  that inspite of its shortcomings  it was worth seeing because of its visual statements  though they were also not too subtle  they were at least effective in setting up the intense mood that the film needed to show that there is a mental war going on currently  of those who believe one way is right and others who differ with them  and that anyone who is neutral must be considered an enemy because of their indifference . the stakes in this ecological struggle are that high . perhaps the most powerful visual statement in the film  was the dead cow from pesticides shown in the opening scene . it was the image that lillian spent her time painting all summer and had the same affect for her as did the animal faces in picasso ', s guernica had for him . both artists envisioned the horrors that man could do against the world  and represented this unspoken pain on the faces of the animals so that anyone who cares to really see what is going on  will not mistake which side of the fence he or she should be on . the pain that lillian feels  as she forgets about her desires to raise a family  and she stares at her painting of the cow and the song  " make the world go away " blares out from the background  after she has learned that frances ', beautiful and loving dog has been brutalized by her monster of a husband  all in the name of science  had a raw power to it that personalizes the dangers of bad science . perhaps  the most pertinent question the film asks  requires an answer that must be resolved by the farmers and the consumers who are most caught in the changing world and its new way of doing business  as the question becomes  can science be happily married with art ?
pos this british import follows the ( mis - ) adventures of a group of heroin crazed scottish youths . there is marc renton ( who narrates )  spud ( the dim - witted one ) sick boy ( the sean connery obsessive )  and begbee ( the violence obsessive ) . powered by a top rate  but not top name soundtrack ( iggy pop  sleeper  elastica  lou reed . . . ) the film follows renton who gets clean  gets back into heroin and gets clean again . some of the wit in this movie is sharp and pulp fiction - esque  and some is just dumb & dumber gross ( the bed sheets ) and stupid ( the bb gun ) although the film starts out on a comic note  it takes a sharp term in the middle  and becomes almost depressing . the film is based on an irving welsh novel bearing the same title . i can honestly say that this is one of the best movies i have ever seen . it is an obscure gem that has been over shadowed in the us by such movies as mission impossible and id4 . the film is hard to follow with the heavy accents of the actors . this is a very original film  as far as films go today . it definetly deserves multiple viewings ( partly because of the slang and accents ) jeremy dennison mr . orange @ centuryinter . net
pos you may not have heard of lucas  or if you have  you might not think much of it . probably because it stars corey haim  or maybe because it ', s about a little geek who collects insects  or maybe because it doesn ', t feature slick one - liners or the chart topping soundtrack albums that were almost a requirement for teen films in the 80 ', s . however  you have been missing out on a true masterpeice  the best film of 1986  and the best film about adolescent life ever made . corey haim stars as lucas bligh  a tiny 14 year old with scruffy hair  thick glasses  and an interest in insects and other outdoor life . one day he stops by the tennis courts and sees what must be an angel to him . her name is maggie  a 16 year old who certainly is a beauty  with lovely red hair and a sweet  innocent complexion . maggie seems to be a little disturbed by this little kid watching her  but somehow he interests her  and soon they are talking and getting to know one another . they gradually become good friends  and spend the summer together doing various things  such as studying insects ( namely locusts  who come out of hiding once every 17 years )  playing tennis  and listening to a symphony orchestra through a manhole cover . lucas is obviously in love with maggie  and while she is charmed by him  it ', s clear that she would never consider him anything more than a very good friend . this is not clear to lucas  however . he still beleives that maggie is his soulmate  and he dreads the impending start of school because he knows what ', s about to happen . we soon find out why in a painful scene where lucas is humiliated by the jocks during a pep rally . they throw him on stage  right in front of his beloved maggie . surprisingly  he turns the tables on the jocks with some clowning around  but he takes it too far  and is embarassed in front of the entire school . the next scene is brilliant . maggie follows lucas outside of the pep rally . she tries to talk to him as if nothing happened . he rails back against her  in a cruel unfair fashion . in lesser movies this would ', ve turned into a confrontation between the two characters . but maggie is written smarter than that . she understands what lucas is feeling and knows exactly what to say to console him . next we are introduced to another great character named cappie ( charlie sheen ) . he is a jock with a typical cheerleader girlfriend . what ', s interesting about him is that he sticks up for lucas and protects him from the other jocks . of course anyone with a brain can tell what ', s gonna happen next . cappie will cause conflict in maggie and lucas ', relationship . this begins in classic scene in the school laundry room when cappie and maggie are alone . she ', s been assigned to show him how to operate the washer / dryer so he can clean his shirt . maggie is charmed by cappie ', s tender undertsanding demeanor  not to mention his shirtless body . this scene is so delicate and sweet  but cappie still has a girlfriend  preventing either one from acting on their desires . desperately trying to puncture the tension  cappie begins to kick basketballs around the room . it ', s not long before cappie does break up with his girlfriend ( in the films only subpar scene ) . lucas finally figures out what ', s going on when he tries to pick maggie up for the dance . this causes him to take severe actions to prove himself to maggie and himself  such as try out for the football team . the last third of the film revolves around this attempt . while the idea seems cliched  the way it is executed is not . there are many surprises during the last half hour which lead to an ending so emotionally involving it should make the most heartless of cynics get choked up . dave grusin ', s memorable score  played at the perfect moments  certainly helps . lucas is filled with great performances . forget everything you know about corey haim . back in 1986 he had talent  and that is proven here as he delivers a perfect fully 3 - dimensional performance filled with anger  humor  and pain . kerri green is very appealing as maggie  showing us why she cares about lucas so much and why he is so attracted to her . sheen ', s cappie is almost too good to be true  but sheen makes him beleivable  especially when he explains the reason why he protects lucas . there are other wonderful minor characters such as ciro popitti ', s ben  a friend of lucas  whose diminutive stature does not mean he will take crap from the jocks . also turning up in a few key scenes is winona ryder as rina  the girl who admires lucas from afar . when people talk about the great teen angst films of the 80s  you hear john hughes this and john hughes that . lucas seems to be lost among the crowd of his so - called classics . but hopefully  like with heathers and say anything  lucas can begin to find it ', s own loyal following and help people realize there were more to the 80s than anthony michael hall and molly ringwald . it deserves more than that  but i don ', t want to be greedy .
pos in arguably the most anticipated movie this century  george lucas has achieved a very mixed reaction to a sure blockbuster . despite the fact the script and plot is a bit of a let down  the entire movie on the whole can be considered a milestone in technical excellence  in the sound and special effects department . in terms of characters  by far the most outstanding and interesting is queen amidala ( natalie portman )  whose mature performance far exceeds her tender 14 years of age . she is one ? hot ', babe who defines true ? woman leadership ', . she not only has a presence  but knows how to take command of the situation and save her planet from ruination . no thanks to the jedi knights who although led by the force  lack leadership qualities in terms of thinking up a plan to do anything . the young obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor ) who has a bad hair day in every scene  gets to kill a bad guy in the end  but lacks a love interest to make him a desirable sort of hero . in fact all the jedi knight are a bit asexual - there must be something about the force which makes them all hermits and loners . i mean it would be interesting to see yoda ', s girlfriend for a change  if he has one . not much better is qui - gon jinn ( liam neeson ) who mostly broods  and has a better hair do than obi - wan  but only to find the young anakin skywalker and make the biggest mistake of his life . also fascinating is george lucas ? metoclorian ', theory  which claims that micro - organisms live within our cells and tie us to the fabric of the universe . and it is the high concentrations of these organisms in an individual which make them particularly powerful in the force . more humerous are the claims to the immaculate conception of darth vader  no doubt a concept stolen from the christian faith  except there will be no christmas to celebrate the birth of this dark emissary of the force . overall an experience which is not to be missed because of the very fact that it ', s predecessor almost command a viewing of this inferior successor . by all means not the pinnacle of the star wars phenomena but an adequate addition to the clan . watch out for the next one  it should be one steamy encounter between queen amidala and anakin skywalker - who i believe should be portrayed by ? leonardo di caprio .
pos felix ( sami bouajila  " the siege " ) lives a contented life with his boyfriend daniel ( pierre - loup rajot ) in the little town of dieppe in northern france . when he is laid off from his job  after discovering the address of the father who abandoned him before he was born  he decides to journey to marseilles  in the south  to find the man he never met in " the adventures of felix . " writers / directors olivier ducastel and jacques martineau made their debut with the musical comedy " jeanne and the perfect guy  " embracing that typically american genre . their second effort  " the adventures of felix  " once again borrows from america with a tale of a young man who hits the road to find himself . felix is happy with his life in dieppe  but when the ferry company he works for falls prey to the economics of the chunnel  he is out of a job and at loose ends . when he goes through his late mother ', s papers he learns that the father he never knew is living in marseilles  hundreds of miles away . felix makes the snap decision to journey to the south  puts together a supply of " cocktails " for his hiv virus  kisses daniel goodbye and heads off on foot . he refuses to use trains and wants to avoid big cities as he hitchhikes across france to find his destiny . along the way  a series of chance encounters with various strangers teaches felix that family is not always made up of blood relations . on the road  he witnesses a race - related mugging that turns into murder and  frightened for his own safety  runs away without telling the police . following this harrowing experience  he has his first chance meeting that begins the unconscious construction of his ideal family . his journey brings him to rouen  and the film ', s first title section  " my little brother  " where he meets jules  a young art student who becomes smitten with felix . they steal a car and develop a chaste  brotherly affection before felix must move on . he next meets elderly mathilde ( patachou )  in the chapter titled " my grandmother  " and soon learns that she  too  has a fondness for the same tv soap opera that felix has grown addicted to . she wants him to stay with her  but he must continue on his way to find his father . in the weakest chapter of felix ', s road trip  titled " my cousin  " he meets a railroad worker ( philippe garziano ) and has a brief sexual encounter before heading off  once again  toward marseilles . he next helps a stranded lady motorist  isabelle ( ariane ascaride )  and shags a ride with her and her three kids ( each with a different daddy ) in the sequence titled " my sister . " he is torn by the inner turmoil of not going to the police about the murder he witnessed and isabelle comforts him just as a sister would . on the final leg of the journey titled " my father  " he meets an older man  a fisherman ( maurice benichou )  who enlightens him about the real facts of life and family while they fly felix ', s kite  just like a father and son . " the adventures of felix " has a number of things going for it as we follow felix on his journey of discovery . first and foremost is the charming performance by sami bouajila as felix . he is a likable guy  fighting his hiv with his doses of " cocktails  " and lights up the screen as he makes the long walk  often with dance and song  to find his father and himself . as he encounters each member of his new family  promising each that he will send a postcard when he arrives at his final destination  he grows a little bit more spiritually and emotionally . bouajila does a terrific job holding center stage on the screen . the cast of characters making up felix ', s new - found family are nearly as charming as the star  each in their own way . patachou  especially  is wonderful as the grandma character and a kindred spirit to felix . ariane ascaride  along with her kids  gives a perf that really makes you think of her as the sister that the young man never had . only the " cousin " chapter lacks the emotional depth of the rest and feels like a perfunctory addition to felix ', s " family . " " the adventures of felix " does not reinvent the road movie  but it does provide a charismatic telling of a young man ', s journey to find himself and  to his surprise  his discovery is dramatically different than he expected at the beginning . it helps that cinematographer matthieu poirot - delpech ', s crisp lensing compliments the story perfectly as felix moves across the french countryside . i give it a b + .
pos i know that " funnest " isn ', t a word . " fun " is a noun  and therefore cannot be conjugated like an adjective . but that ', s the word that came to me right after viewing " chicken run . " no wonder : this is the kind of movie that reduces you to childish expressions  like " that was the funnest movie i ', ve ever seen ! " so to hell with webster ', s -- " chicken run " is one of the funnest movies i ', ve seen in a while . i can ', t remember the last time i ', ve seen anything funner . the chickens at tweedy ', s farm are up to something . living in a concentration camp - like atmosphere  they are led by one plucky hen called ginger ( voice of julia sawalha ) who continually comes up with plans for escape -- and always gets caught  subsequently spending day after day in the coal box . one night  a brash american rooster flies in over the fence  calling himself rocky ( mel gibson )  famous flying rooster and circus performer . rocky promises to teach the chickens how to fly  and the situation grows more desperate as the nefarious mrs . tweedy ( miranda richardson ) decides to abandon the farm ', s egg - selling plan for a pie - selling plan . she orders a huge pie - making machine  cackling  " chickens go in ; pies come out . " what sort of pies ? chicken pies  of course . co - director nick park and his studio  aardman animation  produced three oscar - winning short films : " creature comforts  " " the wrong trousers  " and " a close shave . " the latter two were the second and third installments of a trilogy starring the delightful team wallace & gromit  a man and his dog famous for getting themselves into increasingly peculiar adventures . part of what made the " wallace " films brilliantly entertaining was park ', s uncanny ability to make an old story seem new . " the wrong trousers  " for example  pulled out a lot of old hitchcockian suspense tricks  and " a close shave " owed a great deal of inspiration to classic detective stories . but in the hands of park and his team  the stories felt fresh and inspired  and not the least bit contrived . now teaming with co - director peter lord  park has created a similar creature in " chicken run . " the plot is largely lifted from " the great escape " ( watch for a quick reference to the ball - bouncing scene )  with some spielberg - inspired action sequences providing the excitement . thing is  the film doesn ', t feel like it ', s been lifted from somewhere else ; " chicken run " feels fresh  alive  like nothing else ever done . part of it is the original idea : who in the world came up with the idea to make a prisoners - of - war movie starring chickens ? park and lord milk the incongruity for all it ', s worth : the characters treat their situation as if it were dead serious  and to them  it is . but they ', re * chickens *  so it ', s funny to us . another thing that helps " chicken run " ( and most of park ', s films ) succeed is the animators ', subtle way of giving nods to the very films they ', re cribbing . there are references to " the great escape  " obviously  and " stalag 17 . " the chase sequence inside the chicken grinder parodies both " raiders of the lost ark " and " indiana jones and the temple of doom . " there ', s even a nod to " the blues brothers  " if you can believe it  and the filmmakers even get in a little light - hearted ribbing at the expense of their star voice actor  taking a couple of very subtle jabs at mel gibson ', s nationality and film history . the " braveheart " reference is a hoot if you catch it . when you consider just how fine a line resides between a funny parody and a redundant one  " chicken run " is downright brilliant in its execution . consider this : since july of last year  i ', ve seen dozens upon dozens of " blair witch project " parodies  on television  on the radio  and online . out of all those  maybe one or two were amusing  the rest tiresome . why ? because once you got past the thought that " they ', re parodying that ', blair witch ', movie  " most of the parodies had nothing to offer -- no insight  no original idea  no greater purpose . they were only funny if you had seen the movie ; otherwise  you got nothing . conversely  " chicken run " doesn ', t lean on its parodies -- the film references are never the sole focus of any scene . if you ', ve never seen " indiana jones  " the chase sequence is still fun . even if you have no idea who mel gibson is  rocky remains an interesting character . park  lord  and screenwriter karey kirkpatrick realize that an audience does not need a parody shoved in their faces before it ', s understood  and as a result  " chicken run " is filled with visual and verbal jabs that are never too obvious  but not quite vague either . enjoyment of this movie doesn ', t require knowledge of film history  but if you ', ve got it  " chicken run " is that much richer . the voice cast turns in uniformly lively performances  and the characters they play are given so many subtle nuances that it ', s hard not to fall in love with every one of them . ginger is perfect  spunky and opinionated  but with a soft heart that forbids her to leave her companions behind  and julia sawalha ( known as the cute mousy girl on " absolutely fabulous " ) nails it . she has warm  human chemistry with gibson  whose rocky hides his personal doubt under a brash gung - ho veneer . the characters ', inevitable romance doesn ', t feel contrived  but sweet . poor mr . tweedy ( tony haygarth ) suspects the chickens are organizing in some way  but his limited intellect prevents him from figuring things out  and his overbearing wife certainly isn ', t any help . jane horrocks delivers a lovely voice characterization as tragically optimistic babs ( a hen that runs away with most of the best one - liners  all while perpetually crocheting a sweater )  and two supply - trading rats that seem to have walked straight out of a monty python sketch nearly steal the show during the lively central swing - dancing sequence . they even come up with an inspired riff on something that ', s baffled scholars and theologians alike for decades : the chicken vs . egg dilemma . one might have expected this inevitable joke to come off as wearisome  but as with most of " chicken run  " it comes as a delightful surprise . the film manages to cross all barriers ; it should be accessible to both children and adults  brits and yanks  rats and chickens . the animation is first - rate . remember that this was all done the old - fashioned way  with actual humans moving clay figurines around on a tiny set bit by painstaking bit  and you see just how truly remarkable " chicken run " really is . this movie possesses that same quality that makes pixar studios ', animation great : precise and unwavering attention to detail . as in such top - notch family fare as " a bug ', s life " or " toy story 2  " " chicken run " has something to offer in nearly every frame . certainly a passive viewer can enjoy it as a straightforward story with a worthwhile moral and some surprisingly touching scenes  but a active  attentive viewers will enjoy it even more because they ', ll catch all the details . anyway  the movie ', s just a boatload of fun . funnest damn movie i ', ve seen all year .
pos after the press screening of " moulin rouge  " i stood in the lobby of the theater listening to the reactions of my friends and colleagues . everyone seemed a bit numb  understandable after sitting through a barrage of often - incongruous sounds and images . a pal of mine simply said that he loved the film and could hardly wait to take his wife to see it . another enthusiast immediately began to analyze the production  while a woman who flat - out hated the movie gave him the skunk eye . when one fellow quietly stated " i ', ve never really been a fan of musicals  " the statement surprised me because  even though the story is told almost completely through song  i didn ', t think of it as a musical . there is so much going on in " moulin rouge " that " musical " seems too small a term to cover it . " moulin rouge " is the kind of creation that sends critics scurrying off to the big tub o ', adjectives in search of proper words to describe the experience . australian director baz luhrmann  the man behind " strictly ballroom " and " romeo + juliet  " fills the heads of viewers with unique camerawork  opulent imagery and songs ranging from " the sound of music " to " smells like teen spirit . " sumptuous and beautiful  vulgar and overdone  " moulin rogue " travels through the looking glass while an ethereal stereo loaded with 50 years worth of catchy tunes operates on the " random " setting . oh  and it has a story as well . " it was 1899  the summer of love . . . " christian ( ewan mcgregor ) is a penniless young writer newly arrived in paris  " to write about truth  beauty  freedom and love  " where he encounters a group of bohemians  led by henri de toulouse - lautrec ( john leguizamo ) . christian meets satine ( nicole kidman )  a courtesan from the legendary moulin rogue  and his world transforms from black and white to technicolor . at once fragile and vivacious  the dazzling red - haired woman sweeps him off his feet without even trying . christian instantly falls in love with her and satine finds herself smitten with him as well  which is quite a hindrance for someone in her profession . working with the bohemians and moulin rogue impresario harold zidler ( jim broadbent )  christian writes an opus modestly named " spectacular spectacular . " zidler quickly finds a backer  the wealthy duke of monroth ( richard roxburgh )  but there ', s a catch ? the duke also wants the hand of the fair satine . as if all that isn ', t enough  satine has a cough  and while a cough in the real world probably indicates a cold  it rarely turns out to be anything that simple in movie land . like a teeter - totter  " moulin rogue " moves up and down between the ridiculous and the sublime . one of the loveliest moments comes as christine and satine commune outdoors at night  becoming part of a defiantly unrealistic parisian cityscape straight from a book of fairy tales . together they dance  while serenaded by the man in the moon ( alessandro safina provides the vocals )  apparently transported from the classic georges m ? li ? s silent film to guard the nocturnal sky . other scenes merely traffic in everything - and - the - kitchen - sink overload . the cavorting of toulouse - lautrec and his comrades gets strained at times and some of their overt comedy  accompanied by cartoon sound effects  is overly reminiscent of the frenzied farce that sitcoms like " bewitched " beat into the ground . of course  sensory overload was exactly what baz luhrmann had in mind . " we never heard from baz to turn it down  " one of the actors told the los angeles times . " it was always  ', more ! more ! ', " the director even sent a note to his cast reading  " i dare you to make me say you ', ve gone too far . " the musical numbers reflect his attitude . one knockout piece  the " elephant love medley  " incorporates the beatles ', " all you need is love  " u2 ', s " in the name of love  " dolly parton ', s " i will always love you " and elton john and bernie taupin ', s " your song . " need more ? how about " diamonds are a girl ', s best friend " spiced with portions of " material girl ? " luhrmann ', s cast offers a wide variety of approaches that  together  add up to something messy  but often wonderful . ewan mcgregor is extremely likable as christian  emphasizing the sincerity of the love - struck poet . mcgregor ', s singing voice is robust and adds vigor at just the right moments . once labeled the " ice queen  " nicole kidman melts that characterization with a sizzling  yet tender  performance . she handles the songs adroitly  although her voice sounds a bit thin in the upper range . veteran character actor jim broadbent is suitably larger than life as ringmaster zidler ? wait until you see him perform " like a virgin . " as the buffoonish duke  richard roxburgh proves to be the film ', s weakest link  although i ', m sure he was simply following instructions . i suspect " moulin rogue " will be one of those love - it - or - hate - it films . while i didn ', t completely love it  i most certainly liked it a lot . over the course of a year  i see well over 300 movies  and most of them look like xeroxes of each other . " moulin rogue " is an original  and an original  even a flawed one  is a thing to be cherished .
pos " living out loud  " is the type of motion picture we don ', t often see : it is a film about mature  intelligent adults  instead of the usual american film  in which children basically dress up in grown - up clothing and parade around acting like immature seven - year - olds . judith ( holly hunter )  a fortysomething living in new york city  has been having a difficult time with life lately . she is extremely depressed about her recent divorce to her husband ( martin donovan )  who had been cheating on her . she cannot sleep  haunted by terrible memories  often imagines off - the - wall things to try and make the world seem like a better place  and the only place she can really go to feel happy is to hear one of her favorite singers  liz bailey ( queen latifah )  perform at a local club . judith ', s life does start to brighten a little when  one night when she gets home to her apartment late  strikes up a conversation with the elevator operator  pat ( danny devito )  a lonely man in his fifties whom has lost his daughter recently . both of them create a sort of emotional connection with each other  seeking comfort with the other person  but while pat starts to form a deep love for her  judith only wants to remain friends . " living out loud  " which was written by richard lagravenese ( " the bridges of madison county " )  who is also making his directing debut here  is a wonderful film from beginning to end  one that is honest  genuinely funny  and poignant . the three central characters  that of judith  pat  and liz  are all written to be free - thinking  complex human beings  and are all likable  but flawed  people who are constantly interesting  as is the film itself . one highly original element of the film is that judith occasionally imagines things occuring in her mind in the way she wishes they would happen . sometimes it results in comedy  and sometimes it turns out to be subtle and truly touching . one sequence that stands out is when judith is at a restaurant by herself  reading a novel . an older woman comes over to her  mentions that that is a great book she is reading  and then goes over to join her own friends . as the woman sits down  she looks over to see judith by herself  and motions for her to come join them . instantly  we realize this was simply in judith ', s mind  as we see the same woman just sit down at the table and begin talking to her friends . holly hunter and danny devito both give the performances of their careers here . hunter  of course  was brilliant in 1993 ', s " the piano  " for which she won an academy award  but in this film she is even better  i think . she finds the right note for each scene and holds it . and devito has never had such a humanistic role before  which i was surprised about . usually he is used as the butt of a joke  or as a caricature  but in this film  has a living - and - breathing  sympathetic person to play . topping it all off is latifah  also a singer  who is quickly turning into a respectable actress herself  and has a juicy  natural supporting role as  in some ways  judith ', s role model . another joy of the film is that it does not somehow form a contrived  " happy " ending  but  in staying with its realistic tone  manages to be upbeat  but truthful . the last shot is an especially powerful image . nothing is said  but just the image of someone walking down a sidewalk says it all . the relationship that results between judith and pat is true - to - life and sincere . as we watch these two people talk  and get to know each other  all that we wish for them both is to be happy  even if that does not include for them to become romantically involved . and as  " living out loud  " which is one of the best films of the year  proves  sometimes a friendship is the strongest bond anyone could possibly ask for .
pos ` oh behave ! felicity shagwell is one shagadellic babe . do i make your horny ? female fembots with breasts that require gun controlling . anything that resembles bananas and two balls of icecream . the nut - biting finale between mini me and austin . all that body hair is a real turn on  it ', s a pity more leading men don ', t wear it on screen . anything that vaguely resembles sausages and eggs . fat bastard . the love scene between felicity and fat bastard  that redefines sex . the wrongly implied love scene in the tent that redefines anal sex . the love scene between austin and ivana humpalot  that redefines chess and oral sex . the love scene between dr . evil and frau farbissina  that redefines weird sex . the love affair between austin and felicity  that does not happen  because his mojo goes missing . the relationship between dr evil  himself and mini me which redefines a solo love affair . the unique relationship between dr evil and his son scott www . com . zip  that says a lot about our relationship with our children nowadays . weanies  johnny  richard  dick etc . ', this movie is every bit as silly and crazy as the first . there are moments that will make your sick  which are probably best forgotten  but overall mike myers has redefined what it means to be an international spy and leading man .
pos written by john grisham and robert altman ( as al hayes ) directed by robert altman some time ago  a young director was given the opportunity to direct the screen version of a popular novel . the novel was a summer smash  topping best - seller lists across the country and already drawing speculation as to which popular actors of the day might play the leads . the only problem : the novel wasn ', t very good . it was far more pulp than pulitzer . but the director realized that  no matter how pedestrian the prose  this book really grabbed people - that the author  while not a great writer  was a fantastic storyteller . so he took on the project  convinced he could make something happen on screen . the director ? francis ford coppola . the book  of course  was mario puzo ', s the godfather . the rest  as they say in showbiz  was history . by bringing up the godfather  i don ', t mean to suggest that robert altman ', s the gingerbread man is destined for that level of greatness . but the parallel does suggest that it is possible to create great cinema from questionable source material . can you get any more questionable than john grisham ? depends on whom you ask . but there ', s no question that grisham ', s work grabs people . like puzo  grisham is a better storyteller than a writer - unlike fellow hack michael crichton  who is a good idea man but who can ', t tell a well - constructed story from a can of spam . so something in grisham ', s unpublished story of a cocky savannah lawyer who gets involved in a deadly family squabble drew the attention of robert altman  who at 73 years old remains one of america ', s greatest living filmmakers . the result is a gripping thriller that  while falling short of classic cinema  deserves its place in the altman canon . > from its opening shot to the closing credits  the gingerbread man is permeated with a sense of dread  with a fear of the natural destructive forces of the universe . this terrific sense of mood is a classic altman touch . witness said opening shot : we see an aerial view of coastal georgia with its writhing  undulating landscape while the soundtrack grumbles ominously in our ear . we roll over the hills into the town of savannah  then zoom in close on a red sports car speeding over a bridge while its driver chatters oblivious on his cell phone . right away we know that the driver of that car is in for a few surprises . pay attention  boys and girls - this shot was not conceived by john grisham  but by altman . this is what a great director can do for questionable source material . the sports car belongs to rick magruder ( kenneth branagh )  the aforementioned hotshot attorney who specializes in police brutality cases . magruder has just won a high profile case and celebrates that night with a catered party at his office . outside after the party he meets one of the waitresses  mallory doss ( embeth davidzt )  just as she realizes her car has been stolen . driven by southern chivalry  a driving rainstorm and his unspoken attraction to the fragile waitress  magruder offers her a ride home . there he learns more about mallory ', s life than he bargained for . her car was stolen by her schizophrenic father dixon ( robert duvall )  a ted kyzynski - style whacko who has been stalking and terrorizing his own daughter . magruder  perhaps influenced by mallory ', s decision to strip off her wet clothes in front of him  is sympathetic to her plight  and offers to help her get her father committed - right after he sleeps with her  of course . this simple offer of help leads magruder down a dangerous path with a black end . he succeeds in having dixon incarcerated in a mental hospital  and for a moment all appears well . but then dixon ', s crack team of homeless commandos bust him out of the lockup - and suddenly magruder finds himself  mallory and his own children in danger . the cops won ', t lift a finger to help a liberal attorney . his only allies are his faithful assistant lois ( daryl hannah ) and his bumbling private - eye sidekick clyde ( robert downey jr ) . if this predicament wasn ', t bad enough  hurricane geraldo is bearing down on savannah and throwing the world into chaos . altman may provide the atmosphere  but branagh ', s performance holds the gingerbread man together . an accomplished actor when he isn ', t directing himself in vanity productions  branagh does a fine job of making rick a sympathetic hero while casting doubt upon his motives . is his offer of help to mallory an act of kindness  or of egotism ? magruder is so sure of his place in the world that he never considers that he has bitten off more than he can chew until he has to swallow it - and by then it ', s too late . as the plot unfolds  magruder learns that none of us are as secure as we think we are . and life is never so bad that it can ', t get worse . if you ', re familiar with altman ', s work  you ', ll recognize several of his signature techniques . characters are not introduced in establishing shots  but rather are allowed to wander in the background of scenes until their importance becomes apparent . crucial scenes are shot from the outside through windows  making the audience unwitting voyeurs of the action . dialog overlaps and the actors seem to slip naturally into an improvisational style . and of course there ', s my favorite altman technique - the obligatory nude actress shot . thanks to altman  here are some of the actresses i ', ve had the pleasure of seeing naked : sally kellerman  julianne moore  madeline stowe  even frances mcdormand . and now i can add embeth davidtz  who looks quite healthy in the altogether . the naked actress shot has become as ubiquitous to the altman film as the director cameo was to the hitchcock film . is it old - school sexism  or a clever in - joke ? you be the judge . but back to the picture at hand . in the hands of a mere mortal  the gingerbread man would have been a routine thriller  no better or worse than the countless others we ', ve all endured . in the hands of a master like altman  it becomes an exercise in existential doom  in its own way far more successful than scorsese ', s cape fear remake  which tried for the same result . what may prevent it from enduring with altman ', s greatest work is a weak third act - in fact  there really is no third act in grisham ', s story  so it appears that altman had to throw in the hurricane just to jazz things up . but there are true moments of riveting suspense  and great performances by branagh  davidzt and downey jr - more than enough to see you through . that polygram so hated this picture that they tried to steal final cut from altman  and then buried the marketing campaign when he won it back  should tell you how utterly clueless of quality most studios are . they probably wanted it to look more like a time to kill . and that  my friends  should make you very afraid .
pos october sky is a rare oddity in cinema : a self - proclaimed " uplifting " film that is actually uplifting ! based on the autobiographical book by homer hickam  rocket boys  october sky tells the struggle of four boys reaching for their dream . it ', s 1957  and for the boys of coalwood  west virginia  there ', s not much hope of a rosy future . coalwood is a coal mining town  and  except for the few lucky ones who manage to escape on a football scholarship  most of coalwood ', s boys are destined to work in the mine . but  in october 1957  an event happens that sparks one boy to dream . the launch of the soviet satellite sputnik sets homer hickam ( jake gyllenhaal ) to dream a future of rocketry and space travel . of course  homer ', s parents ( chris cooper and natalie canderday ) aren ', t quite sure what to make of their son ', s unusual interests . homer gets his strongest encouragement from miss riley ( laura dern )  a teacher in his school who also informs him about the scholarships offered to the winners of a national science fair . and so  with stars in his eyes  and thoughts of scholarships in his head  homer enlists the help of three other boys ( william lee scott  chad lindberg and chris owen ) and begins to build a rocket . but  do these four backwoods boys even have the slightest hope of escaping their destiny ? there is a lot that could have gone wrong with october sky . nearly every sequence flirts with becoming syrupy and cliched . however  miraculously  october sky avoids nearly all of these pitfalls  making the exact right moves at the exact right times . a film emerges which manages to be powerful and moving without slipping into the gauzy haze of nostalgia or sliding down the sugarry slope of sappiness . jake gyllenhaal is outstanding as the kid at the center of this film . > from the outset of the film  he is immediately likable  and never seems too corny or brainy as to alienate the audience . unfortunately  while october sky focuses on homer  the other three kids get the short end of the stick . they remain little more than placeholders reading " insert friend here " . of the adults in the film  chris cooper is the most fully realized character . the film never paints him as merely the villainous parent standing in the way of his child ', s dreams  but  instead  shows the multihued portrait of a man who wants the best for his family and town  but is too stubborn to realize what that is . director joe johnson deserves much credit for successfully navigating the many obstacles that october sky manages to dodge . however  there are still a few occasions when he allows things to proceed just a step too far . scenes which were natural and inspiring start to become contrived and artificial . however  these lapses are minimal  and johnson quickly steers the movie back on course . the problem with many so - called " uplifting " films is that they attempt to force their mediciney goodness down your throat . october sky never resorts to that level  and yet  manages to become a truly uplifting film purely on its own merits .
pos this three hour movie opens up with a view of singer / guitar player / musician / composer frank zappa rehearsing with his fellow band members . all the rest displays a compilation of footage  mostly from the concert at the palladium in new york city  halloween 1979 . other footage shows backstage foolishness  and amazing clay animation by bruce bickford . the performance of " titties and beer " played in this movie is very entertaining  with drummer terry bozzio supplying the voice of the devil . frank ', s guitar solos outdo any van halen or hendrix i ', ve ever heard . bruce bickford ', s outlandish clay animation is that beyond belief with zooms  morphings  etc . and actually  it doesn ', t even look like clay  it looks like meat .
pos while watching boiler room  i was constantly reminded of last year ', s masterpiece fight club . both films consist of a predominately male cast . both films follow young men as they illicitly fight the traditional system for their own desires . and both films are seen through the eyes of one narrator  who eventually realizes that these men have to be stopped . while boiler room writer / director ben younger does not get his point across as well as david fincher does for fight club  he does contribute another impressive work to a series of films aiming to represent the new generation . a generation which has seen the internet prosper and where everyone wants to be a millionaire . paying homage to oliver stone ', s 1987 classic wall street  younger is almost modernizing the tale by using younger  hipper actors to play the greedy villains as opposed to the older  more experienced types . as is true in real life  younger minds are becoming richer and richer from their knowledge of more standard technology . boiler room dismisses the notion of ingenuity and shows that greed and desire for power come in all ages . another similarity with fight club is that both films are not action flicks . some people are convinced that an all - male cast automatically means there must be gory violence  here is proof that this is not true . if you want to see an action movie starring ben affleck  go see reindeer games this weekend . if you want to see a smart  insightful film with excellent acting and a clever script  see boiler room . giovanni ribisi gives an outstanding performance as the film ', s narrator  seth . after dropping out of college and running a lucrative gambling center for college students in his apartment  seth is offered a high paying job by a wealthy man ( nicky katt ) . he agrees to take the job ( in which you are guaranteed to become a millionaire within three years ) of selling stock to well - off americans from the mid - west over the telephone and begins to fit in quite well with his co - workers . learning tricky techniques to deceive innocent people into buying shares of a good in production  seth figures this is too good to be true . after stumbling into a room at the wrong time  he knows there is something no good about this company . at this point  seth is left with the ultimate choice ; continue with the american dream and make millions or tell the authorities that something fishy is going on . ribisi is believable as seth especially when he shares scenes with ron rifkin  playing seth ', s dad . the two have perfect chemistry as a troubled father and son trying to impress each other and simultaneously impress themselves . the transitions from anger to sympathy that these scenes contain are the standout segments of the entire film . the supporting cast of greedy co - workers is also flawless . ben affleck shines in a short but sweet performance as a recruiter for the company  nicky katt is fabulous as the ostensibly friendly boss who eventually becomes extremely jealous of seth  and vin diesel gives his best performance of his career as the foil character of nicky katt . the energy of the cast as a whole makes boiler room well paced and never boring . the only major error in the film is that nothing major happens . there is no big plot twist or climatic point to make the film more memorable . due to the lack of a major event  boiler room never finds a suitable genre to fit into . the movie is not intense enough to be a thriller  the romantic segments involving seth and abby ( nia long ) are not properly finalized  and the dialogue isn ', t funny enough to make it a comedy . in having trouble to characterize the movie as a whole  boiler room is slightly confused at times . it doesn ', t seem to know which category to fit itself into . one satisfying concluding scene could have changed the whole film for the better . otherwise  the movie is fun to watch thanks to its lively cast of young actors .
pos ok  let ', s get one thing straight right away : maximum risk is no battleship potemkin ( although it does have some russians in it ! )  but it ', s not too bad  really . it ', s the new film from ringo lam  the latest hong kong filmmaker to defect to hollywood  and stars that minor league schwartzeneggar from belgium  jean - claude van damme ( who  you will recall  also starred in john woo ', s maiden hollywood effort  hard target ) . in lam ', s film  van damme plays alain moreau  a french cop ( at least his accent makes more sense here than it did in hard target ) who discovers that he was separated shortly after birth from a twin brother who was adopted by russians . these russians defected to the united states and moved into a black neighbourhood in new york ( where  i suppose  they thought they wouldn ', t be noticed ) . this brother  mikhail suverov ( played in his few scenes by . . . well  you know )  becomes deeply involved in the russian mafia and the fbi ( almost the same thing  i guess )  and is killed in france ( in the movie  things happen so fast that you don ', t have too much time to think about how weird this all is ) . moreau does what any good surviving twin brother would do and goes to new york to find out why mikhail was killed  and why everyone in france who knows anything about him is also being killed ( we wonder the same thing ; i still do ) . in little odessa  he meets mikhail ', s girlfriend  alex ( natasha henstridge  last seen in species )  who helps him solve the mystery and adds immeasurably to the mise - en - scene ( she has very nice breasts  and we get to seen them briefly in this movie ; it was rated r in the us but is pg here  so they must have seen more of her breasts than we do ) . this film lacks the gloss and high production values of such other action movies as broken arrow  the fugitive  hard target  or anything starring arnold  but that works to its benefit  i think . after all  one thing that ', s been missing from woo ', s hollywood films is that certain hong kong funkiness that we all know and love ( well  some of us do ) . movies like this shouldn ', t be too pretentious  and that is part of the problem with some of these other films : they try to be too " big " in terms of special effects and sheer spectacle . maximum risk has its share of car chases and explosions  but they don ', t overwhelm the movie or detract our attention from the narrative ( not too much  anyway ) . the emphasis throughout is on the characters and their interactions ( even if  at times  they don ', t make a hell of a lot of sense ) . in fact  one of the more interesting aspects of the film is a minor character  a rather overeager new york cabbie ( frank van keeken from tv ', s " kids in the hall " )  who begins as something of a joke but becomes an important part of the story . unfortunately  by the time we have come to really get interested in him  he . . . well  you ', ll see . the movie also features some set pieces of the type that we have come to expect from lam and his hong kong compatriots . one is a fight in a russian sauna  with lots of sweaty  muscular male flesh ( this one will appeal to certain parts of the audience more than others )  bullets in heads  and vodka . another  my personal favorite  is a fight in a meat packing house  featuring pig carcasses and a chainsaw . and even the predictable car chases are more hong kong than hollywood  as they trash those quaint french cafes  vegetable carts  and  well  french people that  we all know in our hearts  deserve trashing just for being so damn quaint . of course  the movie does have its share of silliness . for example  while beating the crap out of an obnoxious russian thug who obviously deserves what he ', s getting  alain stops long enough to look at his own reflection in the cracked mirror with which he has been whacking the guy on the head . in an unnecessarily dramatic moment  he apparently is shocked at what he sees  at what he has become . but what has he become ? a tough cop who beats the hell out of a guy who tried to kill him ? doesn ', t sound too unreasonable to me  considering the genre . but let ', s face it  any time van damme tries to be dramatic  he looks silly . so maximum risk is a little different from most other action films . while watching it  i was surprised  and a little disappointed  in the relative lack of pyrotechnics . but watching some of these other action films is sort of like experiencing a sugar rush ; after the initial excitement  there ', s not much left . although it ', s short on spectacle  lam ', s film leaves a better and more lasting impression  i think . i ', m more impressed by it now than i was while watching it  and to me  that ', s a good sign . go see maximum risk  but don ', t expect a typical hollywood action movie ; expect a sort of funky hong kong - hollywood action movie . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice . dr t . white teaches film at the english language and literature department of the national university of singapore  but we don ', t hold this against him .
pos trailing the success of brit humour in the movie industry with the likes of the semi - dramatic the commitments and the nearly slapstick a fish called wanda  the full monty is one film which delivered the depth of the former and the humour magnitude of the latter . the film opens with a narrated documentary reel showing the improving economic and living standards of sheffield in the 60 ', s  then cut to the harsh reality of the present . sheffield has become some sort of a semi - slum with the only visible increase in anything was the amount of layoffs from steel - factories ; a once flourishing industry . gaz ( carlyle ) spends most of his time in the worker ', s club  a sort of place where jobless people sit around to wait for job offers . he and his ` plump ', friend dave ( addy ) as well as their former foreman gerald ( wilkinson ) have been sitting around the club for months without any ` call for duty ', . what seemingly was just a passing hard time for gaz suddenly transformed itself into desperation when he cannot afford the 700 pounds of child - support money to his ex - wife . suddenly finding himself facing the possiblity of losing custody of his son  he goes on to concoct an enterprising wild - idea to get the money he desperately requires . dave and gerald too have problems of their own . on top of his lack of employment  dave is also faced with the paranoia of his wife leaving him because of his current financial state as well as his ` plump ', appearance while gerald have been cheating on his wife by not telling her of his layoff for as long as 6 months  leaving home for ` work ', when he was actually a long - standing member of the worker ', s club . there we have it ; people with real problems and a not - so - practical solution for them . gaz manages to get the support from them and sure enough they managed to get a few other poor jobless blokes to join in their gag : to perform a strip - act at the local pub . in gaz ', s own words while looking at an add for a strip - act featuring hunky ` beautiful ', men  ` if women are willing to pay for this  they sure as well will pay for real - men ', . the full monty is very simple in nature and not a trace ambitious at all . it is a small film which delves in the harsh - reality of unemployment and the desperation it drives people to . it also is a very light movie to watch despite the theme it delves in because it has a lot of human - factor going for it . never for once  was it trying to be manipulative at all  the full monty was true to itself all the way . while the hilarity level of this film soared unexpectedly high  audience will find that they are in no way being cheated of a laugh  something lacking in many comedy films ( wannabes ? ) from hollywood . other than carlyle  who acted as the psychotic begbie in trainspotting  the rest of the actors were definitely very new to me on - screen . however  the acting presented in this film is more than satisfying . carlyle ', s work here is a stark contrast to his character in trainspotting  implying real acting skill and flexibility on - screen . kudos to the people involved in this film  especially to director peter cattaneo for being able to put together an excellent film which is has so much potential in ending up as your just - another - striptease . already a critical and financial success for such a small film  the full monty is a humble film which deserves applause throughout . while titanic managed to feast the eyes and soul in an epic way  the full monty gives one the same satisfaction ? ? . in half the time .
pos " you ', ll go ape over tarzan because it ', s more fun than a barrel of monkeys ! " okay  there ', s the quote in case disney wants to put something in their ads for the movie . disney ', s latest animated feature throws us right into the action from the very beginning  skipping the usual main title sequence and putting us on pitching waves as a small family attempts to escape from a sinking ship . father  mother  and infant somehow make it to shore amidst a rousing song by phil collins  and have soon built a treehouse which would impress the swiss family robinson . it ', s amazing  the kinds of things you can do when you work to a soundtrack . before you know it  an unfortunate set of circumstances put the baby in the hands of kala ( glenn close )  a mother ape who recently lost her own baby to a predatory leopard . against the wishes of her mate and family leader  kerchak ( lance henricksen )  she takes on the infant boy as her own . tarzan is not so much a story about a human boy surviving in the african jungles as it is about one who does not really fit in either humanity or the wild . much of tarzan ', s young life is spent trying to become one of the apes in the eyes of his peers and his " father  " which occasionally gets him into trouble no matter how well - meant his attempts . all he ', s looking for is acceptance  perhaps a goal easily identifiable by young viewers  but one which will ring true with a lot of adults . when you really think about it  this story fits right into the disney formula of the outcast that triumphs in the end . look back on past disney animated features and you ', ll see the trend . growing up  tarzan ( voiced by alex d . linz as a child  and by tony goldwyn as an adult ) has a couple of friends . one is an ape named terk ( rosie o ', donnell )  and the other is a paranoid hypochondriac of an elephant named tantor ( wayne knight ) . both provide the requisite comic relief ( timon and poombah from the lion king immediately come to mind ) and perform the usual hijinks as prescribed by the disney mold . i ', m beginning to think anyone can write the screenplay for one of these films . just fill in the blanks ! can you see it ? " now we have to have a couple of zany friends for out hero who might get him into mischief  but cover for him or come to his rescue when he needs it . we ', ve already had a fish and a crab  and we ', ve had a candle and a teapot  a genie and a dog  a few stone statues . . . . have we had an ape and an elephant yet ? well  there we go ! " of course  there ', s gotta be romance somewhere along the line  so jane ( minnie driver ) gets introduced about halfway through . together with her father dr . porter ( nigel hawthorne ) and the big game hunter clayton ( brian blessed )  jane is on an expedition to find and study the wild gorillas of africa . she discovers the man raised by apes and is enchanted almost immediately  and soon shares an amusing version of the compulsory " you tarzan  me jane " scene . thankfully  those aren ', t the exact words . however  i found it distracting that tarzan is going " ohh ohh ee ee " one second and then tells jane his name in this manly voice with perfect diction . how does he tell his name to another ape ? " ohh ohh ee - tarzan - ee ee ohh ? " well  regardless of my picky nature  the romance actually works as only disney romance can : purely contrived  but for some reason rather believable . but hey  tarzan ', s a young adult . do you think he dated a few of the female apes before meeting jane ? isn ', t that illegal in most countries ? oh  well . i don ', t think disney will be using my quote anymore . tarzan departs from the usual disney feature in that this one is not a musical . there ', s lots of music to be sure  but not a single character song in the whole hour and a half of running time . we instead get more of a phil collins concert  as no less than five of his original songs are used as interlude material . this isn ', t really a bad thing  as the songs are very high - energy and catchy ( i found myself singing one to myself for most of the following day ) ; it ', s just different . do yourself a favor and see this film in a theater with a good sound system  because the music will come through astonishingly well and really enhance the movie . with each new feature  disney animation gets even better . not necessarily by leaps and bounds  but since they put out a new film each year  a steady rate of improvement is apparent  and this definitely shows in tarzan . there are a couple of scenes where the animation achieves a near 3 - d effect  and a number of scenes which feature tarzan moving through the trees are absolutely dizzying . the way he slides down tree limbs and trunks is very reminiscent of skateboarding and rollerblading maneuvers  and had me thinking this isn ', t just tarzan  it ', s " extreme tarzan . " however  tarzan does not seem to have what i call its " chandelier scene  " which is the one scene to which the animators have chosen to devote an inordinate amount of effort  utilizing a computer - assisted process that makes the animation absolutely breathtaking . lasting but a few seconds at most  it ', s been the signature of nearly every disney animated feature since beauty and the beast  in which the castle ballroom chandelier was rendered in stunning detail . as usual  the voice talent is up to snuff  convincingly make you believe in the convictions of animated characters . the one poor choice in casting  however  was rosie o ', donnell . going into the film  i didn ', t know she was even a part of it  but when terk started talking  i recognized her voice immediately . her performance was fine  but through the rest of the film i kept thinking  " that ', s no boy ape  that rosie o ', donnell . " distracting to say the least . i ', ll admit i ', ve never read the edgar rice burroughs story " tarzan of the apes  " so i couldn ', t tell you how true this film stays to the book . but unless you ', re a purist  you should have few objections to this film . with solid performances  action  adventure  a bit of romance  and great music and animation  tarzan should appeal to the kids and to the kid in all of us . note : when i wrote my review of mulan a year ago  i went off on the promotional and merchandising tie - ins prevalent with the release of a disney animated feature . this time  i ', ll just say that i went to mcdonald ', s yesterday to treat myself to a mcflurry  and tarzan was on the cup . ', nuff said .
pos you ', ve got mail is a timely romance for this impersonal  computer - driven decade . two people who ', ve never met confide in each other via e - mail without revealing their true identities . nora ephron ', s contemporary update of the shop around the corner retains the basic plot : two people who despise each other unwittingly become enamored with each other through their anonymous correspondence . ephron  who co - wrote the film with her sister  delia  as well as directed it  knew what she was doing by reteaming tom hanks and meg ryan as the at - odds couple . ryan is kathleen kelly  owner of a small children ', s bookstore  while hanks is joe fox  who heads up a chain of mega bookstores ( think barnes & noble ) . their charm and chemistry are the glue that binds this film  even through some of the script ', s rough spots . for the ephrons invested so much effort in their protagonists that they give short shrift to the talented supporting cast  including parker posey  greg kinnear  jean stapleton and steve zahn . yet no one is really going to complain because the ephrons know their audience - and what the paying public wants is hanks and ryan . and the two are kept busy . one  the other or both are in nearly every scene . hanks has his decent guy routine down pat  yet each time he does it  it seems effortless  spontaneous and fresh . ryan smoothly moves between spunky and vulnerable  with a sexy touch of winsomeness added to the brew . their scenes together sparkle  even though they lack the nostalgic romanticism of sleepless in seattle . and the shadow of that earlier hit hangs over you ', ve got mail like dried - up mistletoe . the sparks created by the earlier movie are  by necessity  not evident here . true  these are two people seeking true love  but you ', ve got mail is more comic and less poignant than its predecessor . the ephrons ', script is witty and sharp . however  as a director nora ephron is a bit uneven . some scenes drag  while others  especially when hanks and ryan are revealing their souls via e - mail  are crisp and tidy . also  the script gets sloppy toward the end with characters merely disappearing from the story . a nice  romantic soundtrack adds to this date - night special . overall  you ', ve got mail is a lush and cute outing  taking advantage of the star appeal of its two leads . it ', s a nice holiday movie  one for holding hands and snuggling . committed to lifelong learning through effective communication
pos according to hollywood movies made in last few decades  life in small town is one of the worst things that could happen to a human being . even worse fate awaits those who were unfortunate to grow up in those dark  god - forsaken places and later forced to live forever traumatised by the experience . on the other hand  it seems that something more than atlantic ocean divides europe from america  because one of the most popular and beloved european films takes exactly the opposite view . this film is amarcord  1974 comedy by famous italian director federico fellini  which later gave inspiration to numerous imitations and homages  and even led few american screen artists to adopt its heretical views about benefits of small town life . the film is based on the screenplay by fellini and tonino guerra and it lacks the plot in usual sense . instead we follow one year in 1930s italian summer resort town of rimini through the series of short vignettes that depict various local events and customs  as well as series of local  often very colourful characters . although many of those characters occasionally take the role of narrator  movie concentrates on its nominal protagonist  14 - year old boy titta ( played by bruno zanin ) and chronicles his sexual frustrations  obsession with local beauty queen named gradisca ( played by magali noel )  problems in his lovingly dysfunctional family  as well as troubles his father ( played by armando brancia ) have with mussolini ', s fascist regime . amarcord was often noted as the ultimate nostalgia film  and it probably explains why it is very popular  even among those people who actually don ', t like federico fellini ', s work very much . every member of its potential audience would find part of himself or herself in this film  because fellini in this film clearly illustrates natural human desire to paint past in the best way possible . distortion between actual past and its subjective interpretation could be found even in the title of the film - word " amarcord " is nothing more than badly pronounced phrase " i remember " in local italian dialect . in the same way the word is distorted  so is the past in memories of those who remember it . after the premiere  fellini rejected any claims about autobiographical character of this film  but it doesn ', t matter whether rimini of amarcord actually resembles rimini of fellini ', s childhood or not ; any place and any time could resemble characters and situations of this film . fellini ', s views on nostalgia are clearly illustrated with a way he mixes reality and fantasy in this film . even the most naturalistic scenes are laced with dark humour and grotesque images . characters look like caricatures  actors playing them often deliberately overact  and women  especially those who fuel titta ', s sexual fantasies  often have certain body parts with gargantuan proportions . every now and then  scenes that depict 1930s reality gradually slide into fantasies of movie ', s characters and rimini becomes almost indistinguishable from the magical place in characters ', visions . because of that  almost everything in this film looks different  and in most cases better  than it would have looked in the real life . even the fascism gets fellinian make - over - fellini views mussolini ', s totalitarian regime as nothing more than visual spectacle ( explaining why similar regimes enjoyed such popular support throughout history ) and opportunity for comedy . when fascists finally show their true colours and begin torturing their opponents  even this becomes opportunity for scenes of macabre humour . unlike many of his italian colleagues in 1970s  who had used 1930s period setting to explicitly condemn fascism and serve fashionable political agenda  fellini doesn ', t care that much about politics . lack of self - righteous moral perspective is compensated with fellini ', s humanistic approach to his characters . each of them  regardless of age  gender  social class or physical appearance  is given opportunity to express his or her views  dreams and fears . fellini treats all those characters with warmth and affection  even when he paints them as grotesque caricatures of real people . because of this warmth and democratic spirit  amarcord could be viewed as one of the most humane films of 20th century  and it keeps its general feel good atmosphere despite depicting having many uncomfortable  melancholic and even tragic moments . fellini couldn ', t produce such effects without using his own directorial talent that gave a very personal touch to this movie . vignettes aren ', t memorable because of the characters only ; fellini uses camera  painting film in bright colours  especially in the scenes that depict character ', s fantasies . fellini also knows how to use locations  whether such location happens to be luxurious hotel  bright - coloured beach or rural countryside . even the down - to - earth streets of rimini  where everyone knows everyone  gets magical dimension during the snowfall . on the other hand  lack of credible special effects somewhat diminished the same effect during the ocean liner scene . this atmosphere is also provided by incredible talent of composer and fellini ', s long - time associate nino rota . his amarcord theme is probably one of the most recognisable  most popular and most relaxing and uplifting pieces of film music ever produced . that music alone should be the reason to view amarcord as one of the indisputable classics of seventh art .
pos written by mark rosenthal and lawrence konner starring charlize theron  bill paxton  david paymer as reviewed by james brundage i ', m beginning to get fed up . over my four years as a critic  the thing which has kept me going is the moderate balance of films . the good balances the bad . i try to see both in equal proportions . but disney ', s mighty joe young remake marks the fourth week in which i haven ', t seen a truly terrible movie . it ', s a backwards machismo  i suppose  the urge to see the things which you so loathe ; but i need to see a bad film every once in a while . and  you know what  mighty joe young doesn ', t qualify . far from being bad  mighty joe young is actually a family fun movie . it ', s enjoyable  appropriate  cute  cuddly  and all of those other things that i ', ve been seeing in every movie since a bug ', s life . mighty joe young tracks a 2  000 pound gorilla in the wilds of africa that is taken to a reserve in . . . california ? . . . for safe - keeping . okay . a little unrealistic  but who ever said a kid ', s movie had to have the slightest hint of realism . the first half of the movie is a gorillas in the mist - esque hatred of poachers woman - of - the - wild motif . the second half is a straight up parody of king kong  awestruck onlookers and all . mark one down . i ', m feeling relaxed . it is  as a point of fact  an extremely un - creative movie . but  as a vetern  i can say quite honestly that creativity doesn ', t count for as much as it should . so that saves mighty joe from my wrath  although my colleagues and cohorts and surely bashing this film at this very moment . this is not the film to take a girl on a date to . it ', s not the film for you . it ', s the film for you and your family . when you ', re right alongside your kid  all of the normal rights and wrongs slip away . the same thing happens when you watch a horror movie or an action flick . it becomes fun . all you have to do to enjoy mighty joe young is shut up and watch .
pos notting hill ', s trailer is awful : a laughless  schmaltzy montage . the movie was desperately marketed to the anti - phantom menace crowd  the same lovelorn females who ignored the love letter . and it apparently worked . perhaps the presence of julia roberts - whose allure beyond those perfect teeth still escapes me - had a lot to do with notting hill ', s opening weekend success  but the film ', s staying power is based on word of mouth . allow me to spread some more good buzz for notting hill . grant stars as william thacker  a travel - bookstore owner who works and resides in a tiny english district called notting hill . into his shop one day wanders famous actress anna scott ( roberts ) . a common thief  some spilled orange juice  and some stilted conversation leads to their first  highly impetuous ( or is that improbable ? )  kiss . days later  william sneaks into her hotel suite under the guise of a magazine journalist  and so begins a passionate  albeit surreptitious  affair . ( aside : notting hill ', s portrayal of press junkets is deadly accurate . ) only anna ', s celebrity - or william ', s lack thereof - threatens to drive a wedge between them . richard curtis has tapped into fantasy we all have considered  and for at least its first half - hour the picture ', s " beauty and the beast " - like scenario is ( romantic ) escapism of the highest order . as with groundhog day or pleasantville  while watching the high - concept comedy notting hill one constantly imagines him / herself in the lead ; it ', s william ', s ordinaryness that entices the spoiled and bored anna . curtis ( who previously penned four weddings and a funeral ) is also smart enough to know that the unlikely couple ', s situation is not enough to fuel two hours ', worth of entertainment  so some of notting hill ', s finest moments revolve around william ', s eccentric friends and family . by now  dear reader  you ', ve probably heard a lot about rhys ifans ', performance as william ', s imbecilic welsh flatmate . yes  he ', s a crowd pleaser  a walking sight gag  but his character is not nearly as involving as the wheelchair - bound ( and appropriately named ) bella ( mckee  the anguished waitress of naked ) or max ( tom mcinnerny )  her lousy chef of a husband . in the movie ', s best sequence  william  anna  and company sit around bloated from max ', s latest concoction and hold a contest : the last brownie on the table goes to the diner with the saddest life . the scene ends only as a british writer would end it . if anything  fantastic bits like these dull the main plot ', s dramatic impact . roberts and grant  especially  are appealing  but their relationship is convolutedly interrupted too many times ( four weddings ', suffered similar flaws )  and william and anna ultimately only have one thing in common : they ', re lonely . ( worth noting in roberts ', and grant ', s favour : the ubiquitous " i ', m just a girl  standing across from a boy  asking him to love her " episode is not nearly so syrupy as it appears in clips  and it features some of the best emoting either actor has ever done . ) notting hill is nonetheless enjoyable ; on the visual side of things  i especially appreciated michell ', s playful changing - of - the - seasons number . if only ( and this is a surprisinly minor gripe ) he had lopped off the egregious epilogue ; for a story that thrives on what we bring to it  the filmmakers work too hard to tidy things up  leaving our imaginations in the lurch .
pos [ note that followups are directed to rec . arts . movies . current - films and rec . arts . movies . startrek . current only  not to rec . arts . sf . movies . - moderator ] star trek : first contact a film review by michael dequina copyright 1996 michael dequina star trek : first contact ( pg - 13 ) anyone familiar with the series of star trek movies knows of the " even - odd pattern " -- the even - numbered installments of the series are good while the odd - numbered ones are  well  not - so - good . the pattern continues with the new star trek : first contact  an energetic sci - fi adventure that ( coincidentally ? ) is the eighth entry in the hugely popular series . in this first trek feature to feature only cast members from the late star trek : the next generation television series  captain jean - luc picard ( patrick stewart ) and the rest of the 24th - century crew of the starship enterprise -- commander will riker ( jonathan frakes  who also directed )  android lt . cmdr . data ( brent spiner )  lt . cmdr . geordi laforge ( levar burton )  lt . cmdr . worf ( michael dorn )  dr . beverly crusher ( gates mcfadden )  and counselor deanna troi ( marina sirtis ) -- travel back to 21st - century earth while doing battle with the borg  a race of cybernetic beings that share a collective mind with the borg queen ( alice krige ) . the borg intend to alter history and assimilate all of humankind into their race -- starting with the earth - orbiting crew of the enterprise and a 21st century stowaway ( alfre woodard ) . this is an interesting plotline that is sure to mesmerize trekkers everywhere and engage everyone else  but  unfortunately  it only makes up the star trek half of the script by brannon braga and ronald d . moore . the other half of the title -- first contact -- refers to a subplot that takes place on 21st - century earth  where riker  troi  and laforge meet legendary scientist zephram cochran ( james cromwell )  who is about to embark on the first warp speed flight in human history  which directly leads to the first contact with extraterrestrials . while this story does tie into the main plot and pays off interestingly in the end  it is nowhere near as involving or exciting as the borg battles on the enterprise . not helping matters is the tiresome cochran character  an eccentric whose drunken schtick starts out funny but becomes too one - note after a while . in the end  though  the first contact subplot doesn ', t detract from the enjoyment of the film as a whole . the story is typical sci - fi fantasy  but the conviction of the cast -- most notably the always - phenomenal stewart -- makes you believe and care . frakes  making his feature directorial debut  keeps the action swiftly rolling along and delivers the action goods  even upping the violence a notch ( this is the first trek film to bear a pg - 13 rating ) to greater effect . st : fc has a bigger budget than the last trek outing  the middling star trek generations  and it definitely shows on screen -- the production design and especially visual and makeup effects are outstanding ( in particular those involving the borg queen ) . braga and moore ', s mostly sharp script will please both trek devotees and the rest ; the references to the borg storyline in the tv series  the continuity with the previous film ( e . g . the ongoing saga of data ', s emotion chip )  and a fleeting star trek : voyager crossover will make trekkers squeal with delight  but such points are made easily accessible to those less familiar to the trek mythos . paramount was reportedly worried about the staying power of its trek franchise with the next generation cast now carrying the helm . based on the entertaining success that is star trek : first contact  i ', d say the studio has nothing to worry about ( at least not until this cast retires and the crew of the wan star trek : deep space nine takes over . . . ) .
pos slavery is bad . after hundreds of years  we ', ve finally figured that one out . this almost universal belief is the both the strength and weakness of director steven spielberg ', s latest " serious " film . during the late 1830s  a portuguese slave ship carries a cargo of black men and women kidnapped from their home on africa ', s west coast to cuba to be sold into slavery . fifty - three of them are stuffed into the " la amistad " ( from a spanish word for " friendship " ) by their new spanish owners . freeing himself from his chains  senge pieh ( djimon hounsou )  renamed cinque by his masters  leads a bloody revolt . after killing most of the crew  the africans force the remaining sailors to return them to their home - or so they think . instead the ship heads up the coast to the united states . the amistad is boarded by an american naval ship and the revolutionaries are put on trial in connecticut for murder and piracy . the legal question becomes are they free men fighting justly for their freedom or are they property . if they are property  who do they belong to ? their masters ? the spanish government ? salvage rights of the officers who captured the ship ? the us government ? the defendants are pawns in several games . abolitionists theodore joadson ( morgan freeman ) and lewis tappan ( stellan skarsgard ) want to free them  but tappan sees them primarily as a means to further the cause . their lawyer roger baldwin ( matthew mcconaughey ) views the case as a simple one of property rights and a chance to make his share of legal fees . south carolina senator john c . calhoun ( arliss howard ) pursues the case for the political advancement of the southern states . president martin van buren ( nigel hawthorne ) is willing to force the result towards his own political ends . when the verdict looks to free the africans  van buren replaces the judge with one more sympathetic to his wishes . even that doesn ', t work and the new judge frees the kidnap victims . at the urging of calhoun  the president then appeals the case to the supreme court  populated by a majority of slave - owners . this little - known ( try finding it in any history text book ) incident from america ', s past would have gone down a darker path were it not for former president john quincy adams ( anthony hopkins ) who is persuaded to argue the case before the supreme court . the slavery issue is easy pickin ', s for spielberg . much like his " shindler ', s list " ( which followed " jurassic park " as this follows " lost world " )  the moral sides are not difficult ones to choose . nazis and slave traders : both treat groups of others as less than human . it ', s not hard to see who the bad guys are . without that question to ponder  the director ', s job is more difficult . he has to make the story interesting . spielberg succeeds for the most part . the visual aspect of the film is beyond reproach . where the movie falls down is a bit more subtle . there are very few _people_ in the tale . in fact  cinque is the only character who is fleshed out . tappan and joadson are " abolitionists " : symbols but not humans . van buren is a weak politician but nothing else . the rest of the " slaves " barely exist other than dressing for the set . like many other films about people of color  almost all the major players are white . the film ', s salvation lies in the acting strength of everyone involved and the powerful presence of hounsou . the former model ', s first major role is a winner . without speaking more than five words of english  he conveys more emotion than most actors with a thousand lines of dialog . the other stand - out is hopkins who seems to be making a career out of portraying american presidents ( he also played the title role in " nixon " ) . the impassioned speech by the doddering old man who phases in and out of rationality is among the best court - room drama ever on the screen . there are some other great moments . especially impressive are the african ', s struggle to understand what is going on in the strange land . their interpretation of the bible based solely on the pictures and their own experiences is poignant . as grand as the epic is  it would have more impact had it focused more on the experience from the point of view of the africans . more humanity in the fight for humanity would have made it a four - star film . ( michael redman has written this column for a real long time and is just now getting around to seeing some 1998 films . )
pos reflecting on " bedazzled  " a lively comedy about the devil who seeks to possess the soul of a pathetic loser  one sinful thought remains in my mind . if hell means having to spend an eternity with elizabeth hurley ( who portrays the fiery demon )  then use that pitchfork and point me the way . with her pouty lips  irresistible british accent  and wild display of haute couture  hurley crackles with naughtiness and fills your mind with temptation . it ', s practically impossible to turn this beelzu - babe down . her next target is elliot ( brendan fraser )  a tech support geek who is clumsy  awkward  and just too eager to please . to aptly picture him  you would have to remember a saturday night live skit featuring " steve the copy guy " who effortlessly irritated his co - workers with his unpolished social skills . eugene  thus  is loathed and feared by his co - workers  who do their best to stay out of his way . yet  beyond his annoying mannerisms  he ', s a lovable oaf . he wishes that he could get closer to allison ( frances o ', connor )  a co - worker with whom he is infatuated but who has never taken notice of him . however  the odds of him getting together with her are about the same as a snowball ', s chance in hell . " dear god  " he prays . " i would give anything to have that girl in my life . " guess who then shows up ? she makes an offer that is too hard to refuse . " seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling little soul . " there ', s even an escape clause . if elliot ', s wish doesn ', t go exactly the way he likes  he need only ', beep ', her ( one guess as to what the three - digit number is ) and he gets to start over . the remainder of the film consists of elliot ', s various fantasies that incorporate his personal desire to have enormous amounts of wealth  power  fame and allison ', s love . but when he makes sweeping statements such as " i want to be very  very powerful and very  very rich and married to allison "  he ', ll soon learn that the devil is in the details . for example  ( and we ', ve seen this several times in the trailers )  he is granted his wish  but finds out that he ', s a columbian drug lord and that allison  while married to him  has her eyes on someone else . apparently  the devil is just as eager to skew his fantasies as she is to possess his soul . his other wishes also end up with some strange but funny twist that short - circuits his new life . soon  elliot wishes that he had never made that deal . given the mischievous nature of the devil  " bedazzled " has many amusing moments . a lot of the credit goes to fraser who turns in a great comic performance . he ably assumes various personas . his funniest segment is when he wishes that he could be the most sensitive man in the world . allison becomes so frustrated with him that she practically urges him to take advantage of her . hurley also heightens the humor quotient  especially in the transitional scenes when fraser waits to start his next wish after bailing out of the previous one . it ', s clear that she ', s having a good time with it all . yet  while the filmmakers work hard at creating funny scenes  they conspicuously avoid developing the allegorical underpinnings between good and evil that could have added more heft to this story . but that would be playing with fire . what they ', ve got works  so you can easily accept it for the pleasant little comedy that it is .
pos the muppet movie is the first  and the best movie among the ever - growing list of muppet movies . the muppet movie tells the story of how our hero  kermit the frog  came to be a star . a delightful movie for all ages  the muppet movie is * bursting * with cameo appearances by countless hollywood stars of the 80 ', s and today . the muppet movie begins in a movie theater  where all of the muppet stars are anxiously awaiting the first showing . once everyone is settled down  the movie inside of the movie begins . it starts out with kermit in a swamp  playing his banjo and singing ( this shot required jim henson to spend hours underwater ) . kermit is discovered by bernie  a big - time hollywood agent who happens upon kermit by accident . bernie believes that kermit holds much potential to become a big star in hollywood . kermit ponders the idea of becoming a big movie star  where he could " make millions of people happy " . kermit decides to leave his swamp and make the trip out to hollywood . along the way  kermit befriends his now famous muppet companions  beginning with fozzie bear  who had been spending his days doing stand - up comedy at the el sleezo cafe  owned by james coburn . the two decide to team - up and continue on their way to hollywood . but  doc hopper ( charles durning )  the owner of a chain of french fried frog leg restaurants has a different idea . he wants kermit to be his spokesman  but kermit is humiliated at the idea and spends the movie avoiding him and his assistants . the trip continues  with kermit and fozzie meeting miss piggy  rowlf  gonzo  the electric mayhem band  and more muppets who all share the same wish : to make it to hollywood . oh  and even more celebrities continue to appear . kermit and miss piggy continue to get to know each other a little better  including a rather funny scene at a restaurant with steve martin as the waiter . eventually  kermit and the group make it to hollywood . that is  after kermit is finally able to elude doc hopper and proclaim his freedom . lord lew  a big - time hollywood producer portrayed by orson welles  gives kermit his shot at stardom and gives him the go - ahead to produce a movie . the muppet movie is definitely a movie that is fun for all ages . it is also a sure - deal as one parents can watch  and enjoy along with their kids .
pos all great things come to an end  and the dot - com era embodies that perfectly . beneath a mound of bankruptcy paperwork lies the remains of a former dot - com darling  the company kozmo . com  an online convenience store stocked with ice cream  porn videos  and other basic necessities of a urban dweller  all hand - delivered by couriers within an hour . designed in 1997 by two college roommates -- joseph parks  a 27 year old goldman sachs banker  and yong kang - kozmo flamed out in three short years  raising more than $ 280 million in venture capital funding and from partnerships with such bigwigs as starbucks and amazon . com . by december 1999  the company boasted 4  000 employees in 11 cities  its barking ceo park attracting all kinds of media attention . the company was set for an ipo in may 2000 . . . until april 14  2000  the day the stock market took its first big dive  ending the internet era . by april 13  2001  kozmo was out of money and ceased operations . unlike the earlier  similar documentary startup . com  which chronicled the rise and fall of another dot - com  govworks  e - dreams focuses both on its original founders  especially park  and on the common folks that ran the day - to - day operations . the contrast is amazing  showing how a cult persona can convince anyone that any idea is the next big thing . the film ', s director  wonsuk chin ( too tired to die )  expertly juxtaposes upper management company meetings with on - the - spot interviews with the bike messengers  general managers  and floor staff that kept kozmo humming . the film ', s images give a backbone to the company and provide an emotional edge to its ultimate demise . the most satisfying part of the film comes in understanding  to a degree  the expectations of numerous ceos commanding these titanic - type businesses . in the film ', s final interviews with park  we learn what happens when the money dries up and backers don ', t return phone calls . in the end  the name of the game was profit  and if you couldn ', t make money  even the dreamers got the axe . screened at the 24th annual mill valley film festival .
pos since their film debut in 1984 with the tightly wrought texas thriller " blood simple  " joel and ethan coen have been one of the most eclectic  original  and downright fascinating creative teams in modern hollywood . their films are highly stylized  deeply embedded in a particular time and place  and their characters are more often than not everyday people who get caught up in highly unusual circumstances . in " the big lebowski  " their first cinematic offering since the multiple academy award - winning " fargo  " the action takes place in los angeles during the gulf war  and the hero of the story is jeff lebowski  aka the dude . the dude is played by jeff bridges -- one of hollywood ', s most underrated actors -- in the best stoned performance since sean penn stumbled through the halls of ridgemont high . the dude is a simple man who has never quite made it out of the sixties . he has shaggy  shoulder - length hair  a grizzled goatee badly in need of a trim  and he wears mostly stained tee - shirts  long shorts  and gellies without socks . he smokes a lot of pot  drinks a lot of white russians  and is more than content to spend the majority of his time bowling with his two buddies  a slightly psychotic vietnam vet named walter sobchak ( john goodman ) and donny ( steve buscemi )  one of those guys who always wants to be part of the conversation  but never quite makes it in . one day  the dude is confused with another jeff lebowski ( david huddleston )  this one being a millionaire philanthropist whose trophy wife  bunny ( tara reid )  owes a lot of people a lot of money . the main plot and all its accompanying side - plots and coenesque diatribes are far too complicated to get into here . suffice to say that the dude becomes deeply involved with the big lebowski when bunny is kidnaped and the dude is asked to be a courier for the ransom money . by the time all is said and done  walter has become deeply involved  as has the big lebowski ', s daughter  maude ( julianne moore )  a feminist performance artist  a pornographer named jackie treehorn ( ben gazzara )  and a group of german nihilists led by peter stormare  who was so great as the silent but deadly kidnaper in " fargo . " " the big lebowski " plays like an amalgam of all the coen brothers ', earlier efforts . it shares their previous films ', strong sense of time and place  as well as their send - ups of movie genres and political and cultural ideologies . " lebowski " has the same kind of crazed caricatures that made " raising arizona " such a hoot ; it has surrealistic dream sequences ( one of which involves a busby berkley - like dance number ) that characterized the ending of " barton fink " ; and it has the same kind of cartoonish look and feel that pervaded " the hudsucker proxy . " the film was shot by veteran cinematographer roger deakins  who has worked with the coens on three other films  " barton fink  " " the hudsucker proxy  " and " fargo . " deakins always gives the coens ', films a distinctive visual style  and here he does a brilliant job of capturing the bright colors of seedy los angeles in the early nineties  whether that by the obnoxious blue bowling suit worn by the dude ', s main competitor jesus quintana ( john turturro )  or the strikingly manic dream sequences  one of which involves the dizzy spectacle of watching a strike from a bowling ball ', s point of view . if " fargo " was the coen brothers ', most restrained effort in years  " the big lebowski " marks their return to over - the - edge filmmaking . it is overflowing with style and attitude  which helps make up for the scattered plot fragments that never quite come together in the end . the coens fill the screen with lighting  set design  music  and hilarious performances from all the leads  especially bridges and the always reliable john goodman  who shows real comic timing in his untimely ', nam - inspired outbursts and his intense dedication to his adopted judaism . with joel directing  ethan producing  and both writing  the coen brothers seem limitless in their capacity to turn our world inside out . their talent lies not in their ability to reflect the norms of reality  but in their potential to dig out the darkest corners of life and bring them to light . the coens rejoice in the oddballs of the world  and they put them center - stage to show that it ', s not just guys like the dude who are nuts  but the entire planet .
pos lean  mean  escapist thrillers are a tough product to come by . most are unnecessarily complicated  and others have no sense of expediency -- the thrill - ride effect gets lost in the cumbersome plot . perhaps the ultimate escapist thriller was the fugitive  which featured none of the flash - bang effects of today ', s market but rather a bread - and - butter  textbook example of what a clever script and good direction is all about . the latest tony scott movie  enemy of the state  doesn ', t make it to that level . it ', s a true nineties product that runs like greased lightning through a maze of cell phones and laptop computers  without looking back . although director scott has made missteps in the past  such as the lame thriller the fan  he ', s generated a good deal of energy in pictures like crimson tide and top gun . that vibrant spirit is present here  shown in well - timed and carefully planned chase scenes that give the movie an aura of sheer speed . enemy of the state also features an unprecedented use of amazing cinematography -- director of photography daniel mindel throws a staggering amount of different views  angles  lenses  and film stocks at the audience that goes a long way toward involving the audience in the movie . enemy is truly a visual experience  and that ', s only one of the reasons it ', s such a fun watch . the movie lights up with an aging senator visited by nsa deputy chief thomas reynolds ( jon voight ) . reynolds wants a new communications act passed to allow the government free reign in the use of surveilance equipment  but the senator plans to bury the bill in committee . reynolds has the senator offed  but not before the murder is caught on a naturalist ', s camera . by an extremist chain of events  the tape ends up in labor lawyer robert dean ( will smith ) ', s posession  and it ', s not long before he ', s running from reynolds ', cronies . it ', s only with the help of an ex - spook named brill ( gene hackman ) that dean is able to get to the bottom of things . the acting is top notch  and the three principles - smith  hackman  and voight - are generally more mature and excellent all around . smith puts aside the wisecracking act and becomes a normal human being ; voight tones down the amount of sneer he puts into his character for greater ominpotence ; and hackman is simply over the top in the mysterioso role . smith ', s regular joe comes off particularly well  as he runs from authorties for reasons that he knows not . the supports are also in fine form  lending credibility to the main roles and advancing the plot in key areas . this is  for the holiday crowd  the hot ticket ; as well as anyone looking for a serving of genuine action in a market that is otherwise lacking .
pos this film is based on the campy tv show from the 1960 ', s under the same appellation . mind you  most people ( including yours truly ) who will see this movie will not have seen any episodes from the original series . the movie is really a stand alone in that regard . the family robinson . . . lost in space . plot : set in the year 2058  the family robinson is chosen to sail out into space in search of other planets that might contain the natural resources earth needs in order to survive its future . a colonization process  if you will . they are joined by able pilot west ( leblanc )  and evil uninvited stowaway ( oldman )  who does not want to see the trip conclude on a successful tip . eventually  their trek goes awry  and all are " lost in space " . " how do get back to earth ? " is the question that infests the rest of this sci - fi epic . critique : this film reminded me a lot of the fifth element ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) from the summer of 1997 . it ', s a film with a lot of flash  but very little actual substance . admittedly  there isn ', t an annoying character like chris tucker from the other film  but this film does run a little too long  and did lose me in regards to its complex time - travel / multi - dimensional story line . having said that  the special effects in this movie were amazing  and the overall look and feel were also way above average . you really felt like you were in the future  and riding through space with these poor souls . unfortunately for this chosen family  their 10 - year old son is the smartest one in the group  and the father is too wrapped up in his work to notice the rest of his family ( ever heard that one before ? yawn ! ) . the acting is ok  and i was especially surprised at the solid performance by tv friend ', s matt leblanc who shows us all that he ', s definitely more than just a pretty face . on the down side  the family riff - raff that cuts through most of the picture is lame and time - consuming ( even though we gotta give them credit for " trying " to develop characters in a sci - fi pic )  the story line is hard to follow  the evil character in the movie actually tells people that he ', s " evil "  and the movie goes on for about 20 minutes too long . on the slick side  many of the special effects are really cool ( the sequence in which the family is " paralyzed " during the hyper - drive is awesome  and the animated monkey that joins the family halfway through the flic is mucho cool )  the credit presentation at the end of the film is slamming  and the adventures that they fall into are somewhat thrilling ( i will also admit that " somehow " they got me to semi - tear up near the conclusion of this picture . . . . very odd . . . . . ) . overall  if you ', re a big sci - fi fan  check this movie out for the special effects and challenging narrative  and if you ', re not  i would still suggest seeing this movie  but then you could probably wait until it comes out on video so that you forward past some of the boring parts . little known facts : this film will always be remembered as the movie that knocked titanic ( 7 / 10 ) out of the top spot at the box - office after 15 straight weeks at number one . garry oldman is british  and was once married to uma thurman for about six months . mimi rogers was tom cruise ', s first wife .
pos 1992 ', s alien3 marked not only the death ( by suicide ) of its popular protagonist  ellen ripley ( sigourney weaver )  but  in many ways  the alien franchise itself -- box office receipts were anemic  thanks to poor audience word of mouth ; and the critics who rallied around the first two installments  1979 ', s alien and 1986 ', s aliens  savaged david fincher ', s slog of a sendoff ( myself included ) . hence  weaver  director jean - pierre jeunet  and the others behind alien resurrection faced a two - fold challenge -- not only somehow resurrect ripley  but also rescue this once - profitable series from the scrap heap . despite the odds  they have succeeded  even if the entertaining new installment does not measure up to the excellent first two . writer joss whedon devises a quick  easy  and painless answer to the dead ripley problem -- clone her  which is what shady military scientists do using some blood left behind on fiorina 161  the prison planet of the third film . that done  the _real_ challenge presents itself -- what do with her . alien introduced ripley as smart and resourceful ; aliens simultaneously toughened her up and made her more vulnerable  exploring her maternal side ; alien3 saw her undergoing the seven stages of death . what could be next ? whedon comes up with a clever spin : since the original ripley died while impregnated with an alien queen  the blood used for the clone is also " infected " with alien dna . so the new ripley is  indeed  new -- a human / alien hybrid blessed with heightened instincts and strength  a psychic bond with the deadly species  and a more predatory attitude . unfortunately  that is where alien resurrection ', s clever streak in writing stops . the alien series is known for having stronger stories than most creature features . but the story in resurrection is more of an afterthought . the movie begins with a plot involving some military types attempting to train aliens to do their bidding  but once the creatures break free  it is once again ripley and a ragtag crew ( this time a bunch of interstellar smugglers  including tough waif call  played by a game winona ryder ) trying to exterminate them . and the alien ripley scenario is ultimately not exploited to its full potential ; i would have liked deeper exploration into the quandary of becoming one of the species she has spent her entire life trying to destroy . while the settling into tried - and - true formula is a little disconcerting  the formula is tried - and - true for a reason  and jeunet tackles the proceedings with giddy abandon . the alien  after all these years  is still terrifying  and a new breed that is introduced is no less so . the violence is appropriately grisly and extreme  and the action set pieces are suspenseful and exciting  most notably an extended underwater sequence . the film is absolutely mesmerizing visually  thanks to the solid work done by production designer nigel phelps and cinematographer darius khondji . as technically adept as jeunet ', s direction is  perhaps his ( and  for that matter  whedon ', s ) greatest contribution is the infusion of humor into this notably downbeat and serious series . a sense of humor may seem to go against everything this horror show stands for  but the self - awareness of the excess just adds to the fun . no  alien resurrection is not the great film that ridley scott ', s alien or the even greater film that james cameron ', s aliens was . but after the dauntingly slow gloom and doom of fincher ', s alien3  jeunet ', s resurrection is a welcome return to its roots as a wild  reckless thrill ride . that is what made the alien series so popular in the first place  and that is what will keep the series popular in any future installments .
pos most sequels don ', t do what they ', re supposed to do like " toy story 2 " does . far too many of them end up re - hashing the original and adding very little . is it any wonder that most sequels fail to live up to their predecessors ? thankfully  " toy story 2 " is a wonderful exception . i can ', t remember the last time i saw a sequel as consistently fun and inventive as this one . it ', s yet another sign that pixar  the acclaimed animation studio behind " toy story " and " a bug ', s life  " is still at the top of its game . woody and buzz are back in the sequel to the 1995 hit " toy story  " and things have changed a bit since the last one ended . woody ( voiced by tom hanks ) is preparing to leave with his owner andy for cowboy camp . in his absence  he has assigned buzz lightyear ( tim allen )  now comfortable in his role as a toy  to take charge . unfortunately  woody ', s trip is ruined when he is accidentally put into the family garage sale  and is stolen by an over - zealous toy collector ( wayne knight ) . off to save him are buzz and members of the old " toy gang  " including mr . potato head ( don rickles )  rex the nervous dinosaur ( wallace shawn )  hamm the piggy bank ( john ratzenberger )  and slinky dog ( jim varney ) . while in captivity  woody makes a startling discovery : he is actually part of a collection of toys based on a 1950 ', s children ', s show entitled " woody ', s roundup . " he meets the show ', s other characters  which include jesse ( joan cusack )  his cowgirl sidekick  the wise old prospector ( kelsey grammer )  and bullseye  his trusty horse . they have all been anxiously awaiting woody ', s arrival  as once their set is completed  they will be sold to a japanese toy museum  and finally escape storage forever . this means woody now faces a difficult choice . with his friends coming to rescue him  does he go with them and spend a few more years with andy  or does he go to japan and be immortalized forever ? as in the original film  " toy story 2 " contains first - rate animation  and pixar studios has done a remarkable job improving on the impressive work they did there . reportedly  the film was originally slated for a direct - to - video release  but after seeing the improvements that had been made  disney rightly decided to release it into theaters . the film is well worth seeing on the big screen . the colors are bright  the textures sharp  and even the human characters look more " human . " the animation is consistently seamless  with the action fast and furious and the facial expressions believable . there are so many impressive sequences that i ', d find it impossible to list them here  but i was particularly wowed by a scene where buzz and his cohorts must get across a busy intersection to get to al ', s toy barn  the store owned by woody ', s captor . pixar ', s rendition of the family dog is also nicely done  with fur so realistic you almost feel you could reach out and touch it . the voice work is also perfectly complementary  and as with the first movie  does much to help further character development . tom hanks and tim allen again disappear into their roles as woody and buzz  making you forget who is doing the voice . it was woody and buzz up there  not tom and tim . all the cast members from the original reprise their roles  and each is excellent . several new voices have been added  with joan cusack  kelsey grammer  and wayne knight doing fine work . " toy story 2 " is strong in characterization  and is able to expand on what we saw in the first movie . woody faces difficult choices  while buzz is confronted with a new buzz who hasn ', t yet realized his status as a toy  forcing him to see what he used to be like . the new characters are also developed quite well  especially jesse  who narrates a sarah mclachlan - aided flashback illustrating how she was loved  then forgotten by her owner . it may be computer - animated  and it may have sappy music  but it ', s downright touching . the script  despite having a story and screenplay each credited to four different writers  is endlessly clever and inventive  especially considering that it ', s a sequel . the reason " toy story 2 " works where other movie sequels fail is that it refuses to just capitalize on the original ', s success by re - doing the same story and using the same characters . not this one . we get character change  new characters  and new issues brought up . " toy story 2 " is also remarkable for the way in which it keeps reinventing itself . there is always another clever idea waiting just around the corner here . the humor is sharp and witty  with something to amuse both kids and adults . there are funny asides to films such as " star wars " and " jurassic park  " among others  new takes on classic toys like barbie and rock ', em sock ', em robots  and appearances from other pixar efforts " a bug ', s life " and the 1997 short " geri ', s game . " ( geri himself makes an appearance as a toy repairman who fixes woody ', s broken arm . ) the action is fast and furious  and the chases ( in the street  in a toy store  in an elevator  on a baggage carousel  and in an airplane ) keep getting bigger and better . " toy story 2 " never grows stagnant  because there is always something new to hold your interest . the more you pay attention to it  the more rewarding it is . it ', s rare to see a film like " toy story 2 " come along  because it ', s the kind of film that ', s almost impossible to dislike . it ', s created purely to entertain  and though i enjoy a thought - provoking drama as much as the next person  it ', s nice to see that films are still trying to do exactly what movies first tried to do : send us out with a smile . it ', s a fair bet that the whole family will have smiles on their collective faces after seeing " toy story 2 . " it ', s the rare sequel that manages to expand on  and live up to  the original .
pos expectation rating : a bit worse than expected ( mainly because i found the middle part to be a bit dull ) . roger ebert gave it a four star review  and while he is a critic that uses the full scale  and i often agree -- such as dark city being the best film of 1998  he must have seen a better film . i read the book about five years ago and hugely enjoyed it . the opening of a simple plan reminded me a bit of the sweet hereafter . the landscape is snowy and cold  and is filmed what i feel is in a rather crisp manner ( which also reminds me of fargo ( which i loathed ) ) . one can almost sense the cold . but the movie far from the eye popping delights of the quick and the dead  instead raimi has made a more constrained film -- which probably is for the better . this is probably not a movie that would have been improved by lots of odd shots . the movie also reminded me of affliction  as the lead characters all seem to be hoping for and seeing a possibility to lead a better life than their father  and they see a chance for such a dream to come true . this chance is uncovered in a snow covered field  where an airplane has crash landed . in the plane three men find ? the american dream . . . in a gym bag . ? affliction too was set in a snowy landscape . it really seems very simple . just hold on to the money until spring  and if no one claims it  they ', ll be safe to spend it and their hope of experiencing the american dream can come true . but the snow melts  and so might several of the character ', s hopes . as in ? return to paradise ?  some of the characters are presented with a chance to do the right thing . but doing the right thing might not result in a better result than something more selfish . the movie ', s biggest strength is that it fact makes sense . i have seen many movies based on books that just seem like selected scenes from the book visualized  eschewing anything remotely resembling a coherent story -- for example clear and present danger . the biggest problem seems to over - familiarization with the story . the writer perhaps feels that he doesn ', t have to present scenes that are clear to him  but the lack of which only baffles an audience which has not read the book . this is definitely not the problem with a simple plan  even though the screenplay is by the book ', s author . the movie is always clear on where it ', s going  and always makes sense . i ', m sue a lot was cut  but really i can ', t remember what . even a minor scene involving a man complaining that he has paid for too much grains is included . the man only comes in on mondays  but he claims that he has been charged for one purchase too many . turns out . . . well  see the movie . one should be warned against seeing the trailer . it reveals several scenes from the ending moments ( which yes  like in the book  it is a downer )  several plot developments  and much of the beginning . but much of this is not spelled directly out during the trailer  so if you ', re lucky  you ', ll have forgotten about all of this when you see the movie .
pos it is simply amazing how " the green mile " developed in its three hour running time . based on the stephen king series of the same title  the film starts out painfully slow  with underdeveloped characters and idiotic dialogue . however  as the plot begins to progress  the film turns into pure perfection with outstanding performances and wonderful direction . frank darabont  who masterfully followed a prisoner ', s story in " the shawshank redemption "  this time follows the perspective of a prison guard  paul edgecomb ( tom hanks ) . through edgecomb ', s experiences on a cell block known as the green mile where death row prisoners wait and repent  the audience sees good and evil on both sides of the law . from an evil prison guard to an evil prisoner  " the green mile " is successful in creating sympathy for kind - hearted hard working guards and hard thinking prisoners . the plot follows edgecomb and four other guards as they meet a variety of prisoners and after having strong relationships with each eventually are forced to execute them . the performances by veterans and new comers to back up these original characters are superb . the ensemble acting in the film is perfect . hanks  david morse and barry pepper as guards are wonderful and are fitting for their roles . they are the characters we most relate to because of their calm less extreme roles . they are given the positions to make rational decisions at difficult times and they are the ones who fulfill the demands of the audience . the more unique characters perfectly create friction on the green mile and make the story interesting and exciting . some particularly note worthy roles of the unique characters include doug hutchinson  sam rockwell  and michael duncan . hutchinson  playing percy wetmore  a cowardly guard who hides his true feelings by tormenting others gives the greatest performance of the movie . every time he appears on the screen  the attitude of others is very uncomfortable and the creepy expressions he is able to create are effectively terrifying . it would come as no surprise if hutchinson was nominated for an academy award as best supporting actor  not only because he did a wonderful job as wetmore  but also because he stole every scene he was in away from veteran oscar winner tom hanks . rockwell  an independent film veteran  plays his role as wild bill wharton to perfection . as a prisoner who taunts and harasses the guards at all hours  he really gets under your skin and irritates you for having to watch him torture others . this irritation he creates makes his performance so believable . the last noteworthy performance belongs to duncan  as the enormous convicted killer john coffey who happens to hold the power of curing the ill . duncan does a wonderful job playing a frightened child - like behemoth  very similar to lennie small in of mice and men . his desire for love and the extinction of hate evokes the most compassion because it is very obvious that he is suffering for no just cause . his pain creates pain for the viewer . however  it takes over an hour for duncan to be introduced completely in the film . the film opens with a ridiculous present day setting which contains a scene that jabs at " the jerry springer show . " the scene  containing one old man complaining about how all guests on the show are inbred and rednecks . not only is this observation entirely pointless and out of place  but it is also hackneyed beyond all belief . as the film flashes back to 1935  graham greene is quickly executed without any introduction . his death seems very rushed and without any knowledge of who he is  the scene is neither sad nor convincing . greene is not even given a final word  like some of the other characters  and we don ', t even see him walk the infamous green mile . however  as the film begins to specifically introduce more characters  such as coffey and eduard delacroix ( michael jeter ) as well as the five prison guards  the film becomes more interesting . the speed in " the green mile " is perfect . if time was a matter of concern and the film was edited to the two hour mark  it would have been unsatisfactory because we would not be able to know the characters as they are or as they treat others . the three hour running is perfect for plot development and by the end of the film  a great amount of love or hate is attached to each character . " the green mile " is so good following the rough beginning  that when the pivotal moment at the very end finally comes  it is almost impossible not to feel some sort of sadness for every person in this scene . fighting back tears was a difficult task that i barely succeeded in doing . if you survive the first third of " the green mile " sit back and enjoy the remainder for some priceless entertainment .
pos the jekyll and hyde story told from his maid ', s point of view is  in a word  " dark " . you wouldn ', t expect something bright and cheery based on robert louis stevenson ', s novel  but the film is surprisingly dreary and dismal . jekyll / hyde ( john malkovich ) is terminally depressed and desperate . mary reilly ( julia roberts ) is a victim of monstrous child abuse and the anti - woman sentiment of the times . director stephen fears ', version of the london slums makes us marvel that anyone survived them . the lighting level is exceedingly low throughout the movie : it almost appears to be filmed in black and white . the direction and cinematography are brilliant and liquid . scenes flow into the next scene like honey oozing off a strawberry . ( except there ', s no red  of course . ) the look is so moody and melodramatic that you ', ll be shocked when you leave the theater . i saw it at a matinee and took quite a while to adjust to the sunny skies afterward . often the jekyll and hyde archetypes are viewed as splitting a whole person into components of good and evil or perhaps cerebral and emotional parts . here the doctor is intellectual and perhaps good  but certainly powerless . his alter ego is forceful and totally without conscience . two parts that make up a whole . neither are capable of functioning without the other and once separated  disaster is inevitable . the differences between the two characters would be more effective if it were accomplished by demeanor and attitude . when we finally see the transformation  the special effects thrust the story into the realm of science fiction  not the psychological horror that the tale demands . roberts and malkovich are skillful in their roles . both are suitably melancholy  fitting in with the rest of the film . the only flash of life and color comes from glenn close ( and her lips ) as the madam of a whorehouse where hyde lives  and surprisingly  jekyll apparently frequents . life and color maybe  but this is not close ', s best role . she seems little more than a cardboard cutout character . a beautiful film in its own dreary way . you ', ll appreciate the filmmaking craft  but don ', t expect to leave in an upbeat mood .
pos aggressive  bleak  and unrelenting film about an interracial couple  steve and sam ( damon jones and elexa williams respectively )  who are viciously attacked in a parking garage one night by a gang of skinheads . the skinheads beat steve  then force him to watch as they brutally rape his girlfriend over and over again . when sam kills herself later that evening  steve decides that the skinheads must be taught a lesson . waiting seven months for the thuggish skinheads to forget about the incident entirely  steve shaves his head  dresses in combat boots and suspenders  tattoos his flesh with nazi symbols  and tries to infiltrate the gang . as he gets closer and closer to the people who committed the horrible crime against his girlfriend  he begins to learn just how vicious these people really are and starts to question his own motives for violence . randolph kret ', s script  based on two real life incidents that affected not only his life but the life of the film ', s producer shaun hill  is an affront on violence and intolerance . the film causes its audience to be subjected to such brutality and ignorance that one can ', t help but be disgusted by the events presented within . i ', ve seen it said that this is the film fight club should have been  but david fincher ', s film was trying to define a generation . kret ', s film is a wake up call to a generation and his message is a powerful one . if fincher is the kubrick of our generation  then kret is our d . w . griffith ( thematically speaking ) . there is not a single likable character in the film . the skinheads are obviously the most repulsive characters in the film  not only because of their beliefs but because they are in a constant state of fury ( not just against other races but within their own circles ) . the african - american characters in the film are constantly shown as sexually assaulting drug abusers who are always on a joyride looking for someone to accost . even gay men get in on the act  locating the skinheads ', lair and beating them severely with lead pipes and other blunt objects . the main character steve is also unlikable because of the person he becomes just to seek out revenge . what all of this comes down to is the simple message that violence begets violence  and the constant clashes between factions will do nothing but continue the endless cycle of violence inherent in our society . the cast of this film is absolutely remarkable . damon jones shows a raw energy that many actors can ', t seem to summon these days and his performance seems nothing less than powerful . his initial reaction to hearing about his girlfriend ', s suicide is one of the most affecting scenes i have ever seen in a film . david lee wilson  who plays ( appropriately enough ) david lee is accurately evil as the second in command skinhead who also makes extra money performing oral sex on other men ( an irony that seems lost on the other skinheads ) . wilson ', s character is pure hatred and he brings out this hate perfectly . sadly  actor dave ward  who portrays the character of crew  will not be able to follow up his excellent performance as he was the victim of a vicious act of violence himself at the hands of a fellow actor during an incident of road rage . ward showed immense promise and he will be greatly missed . note : it is a shame that the filmmakers had to add a disclaimer to the end of the film stating that neither they nor the musicians contributing music for the film condone racism . the message about hatred couldn ', t be spelled out any more clearly than it is here  but there are those who would probably find this film much more akin to a training video than a condemnation . there are no " winners " at the end of this film either . no character gets his or her comeuppance and the ending leaves us almost right where we began . where american history x had redemption for most of its characters  no such victories are in store for pariah ', s band of twisted souls . it is this bleak ending that carries the film ', s most powerful message : the message that  despite what you may be able to momentarily do to put your own mind to rest  evil will still be with us ( and in many forms ) and there is very little than can be done to eradicate it entirely .
pos gothic murder - mystery yarns are not a new conceit . in fact  they ', ve been around in books and on film for many  many years . without the proper handling  they come off as old - fashioned  bland  and outdated . " the gift  " directed by sam raimi  is a tried - and - true effort that surprises very little  and includes everything from a wide array of suspects and red herrings  to mansions in the deep south with moss trees out front  to the eventual discovery of a waterlogged corpse found in a nearby pond . it ', s fairly obvious who the killer is ; in fact  i predicted who it would be before the movie began and was correct in my preliminary suspicions . the film ultimately shouldn ', t work  but it does  thanks to a sparkling cast that fills each character with so many memorable nuances  the most fun to be had is in simply watching the people interact with each other . annie wilson ( cate blanchett ) is a recently widowed mother of three sons who makes her living giving psychic readings to the residents of her backwater southern hometown . some of her mainstay clients include valerie barksdale ( hilary swank )  who is severely abused by her husband donnie ( keanu reeves )  and buddy cole ( giovanni ribisi )  an unstable mechanic who is confused by the nightmares he ', s been having about a mysterious blue diamond that is somehow linked to his father . for annie  she does not give the readings merely for money  but uses it as a way of seeking solace in finding the good in everyone ', s future . her late grandmother ( rosemary harris ) told her as a child that it was a gift she was given  and she should always remember that . when annie ', s eldest son is involved in a fight at school  she meets the nice - guy school principal  wayne collins ( greg kinnear )  whom she finds herself attracted to . but wayne is engaged to the wealthy jessica king ( katie holmes )  whom annie immediately gets a negative vibe about . at a party with her best friend linda ( kim dickens )  annie stumbles upon jessica in a compromising position with lawyer david duncan ( gary cole ) . soon after  jessica has disappeared  leaving everyone in a frenzy over what could have possibly happened to her  and annie starts to have nightmares and apparitions linking jessica with the vicious redneck donnie barksdale  and the pond behind his home . " the gift " may be cliched on a sheer storytelling level  but the performances and tight direction from raimi ( who has redeemed himself for his embarrassing last film  1999 ', s " for love of the game " ) lift the picture up several notches . slowly enveloping the viewer into the many intriguing characters and their individual plights  the disappearance of jessica at the 30 - minute mark divulges the movie ', s true intentions and transforms the proceedings into a taut  at times frightening  horror - mystery . at the center of the film is the exceptional cate blanchett ( 1999 ', s " the talented mr . ripley " )  who turns annie wilson from what could have been little more than a run - of - the - mill protagonist into a very exact  down - to - earth  realistic person with valid troubles and a caring attitude towards those around her . blanchett takes the unextraordinary material and runs with it  giving the entire film a truly classy aura that it otherwise might not have had . we follow her at every turn because she is so mesmerizing  both as a character and an actress . blanchett isn ', t the only bright performer  as she is ably supported by one of the best casts of the year . in her first role following her oscar win for 1999 ', s " boys don ', t cry  " hilary swank is excellent as the confused valerie  who seeks guidance from annie  but is too scared to take her biggest advice of all : to leave the grossly abusive donnie . as donnie  keanu reeves ( 2000 ', s " the watcher " ) makes an utterly convincing backwoods meanie  so much so that it is difficult to believe he is an actor at all . for the often - criticized reeves  whose acting abilities have never been the best  this is the biggest compliment he could possibly get  and it is also one of the better performances he has given . giovanni ribisi ( 2000 ', s " the boiler room " ) is heartbreaking as a mentally slow young man who sees annie as his only friend  and wants her to do nothing but help him understand why he is being plagued by bad dreams about his dad . in the small  but pivotal role of the sleazy jessica king  katie holmes ( 2000 ', s " wonder boys " ) has turned in yet another stunning supporting turn . her promiscuous role of jessica is one she has never played before  and she is radiant in her few scenes . finally  kim dickens ( 2000 ', s " hollow man " ) makes her usual strong impression as annie ', s spicy best friend  linda . the other notable aspect of " the gift " is its moody atmosphere that lays such a thickly foreboding air over every scene it ', s almost suffocating . thanks to cleverly construed editing by arthur coburn and bob murawski  and the successful use of different eerie sounds effects and a very good music score by christopher young  the movie not only achieves a scary undercurrent  but one that is filled with dread . helped along by a strong screenplay by billy bob thornton and tom epperson  which makes the most of its setting and delightful cast  " the gift " is that rarest of thrillers that actually thrills  and offers up a fair share of chills  too . it may not be groundbreakingly original  but it sure is an entertaining ride for the duration of its running time .
pos one of the best things about my job is that  every so often  a film still catches me by surprise . " spy kids " certainly did . an adventure story aimed primarily at children  the movie is smart  zippy fun . the production neither panders nor talks down to its audience . the brother and sister at the center of the tale are believable  likable kids and their parents are ? get ready for this ? intelligent  capable and loving . bathroom humor is kept to a minimum and the numerous well - staged action scenes avoid excessive violence . what a relief it is to be able to review an all - ages film on its artistic merits and not its ethics . consider the other pg rated " family friendly " movie in theaters now . " see spot run " has a mother going out of town  leaving her son with an idiot neighbor . body function humor abounds  including a slapstick bit that has the adult male lead repeatedly falling in dog poop . what really disturbs me are the jokes that bookend the film . the story begins with a police dog capturing a mobster and biting off one of his testicles in the process . at the hospital  the doctors explain that they replaced the testicle with a metal ball and joke that the victim is lucky the dog didn ', t bit off the other one  because two metal replacement balls would clack together . of course  the movie ends with the dog biting off the remaining testicle and shows prisoners laughing at the criminal as he clacks past their cells . somebody clue me in ? when did genital mutilation become funny ? " spy kids " is a welcome antidote to the repellent " see spot run  " using imagination instead of cruelty and crudeness . carmen ( alexa vega ) and her younger brother juni ( daryl sabara ) live in a beautiful seaside home with their parents  gregorio ( antonio banderas ) and ingrid cortez ( carla gugino ) . mom and dad are a sultry couple devoted to their children . what the kids don ', t know is that they are also former spies . once agents from different countries assigned to " erase " each other  they instead fell in love  married and retired to raise a family . needless to say  they get drawn back to the business . shortly into their first joint mission  they are captured and end up in the headquarters of fegan floop ( alan cumming )  a foppish hybrid of willy wonka and pee wee herman who hosts juni ', s favorite tv show . but there is evil behind the scenes  as inventors prepare an army of robots disguised as children . papa gregorio has the device necessary to radically increase the efficiency of the creatures and the bad guys will stop at nothing to get it from him . back at home  " uncle " felix ( cheech marin ) shows up to reveal mom and dad ', s secret to the kids . after a brief respite at a safe house filled with enough cool gadgets for a dozen sharper image stores  carmen and juni set off to find their parents and save the world  zooming through the sea in a submarine pod that looks like a goldfish  while a slew of wicked people ( including teri hatcher ) chase them . during the course of their adventures  they get to use jet packs  electroshock bubblegum and super - computer sunglasses . they watch as secret agents are transformed into bizarre creatures with silly putty faces and used as background characters on floop ', s tv show . they deal with guards that have huge thumbs where their arms  legs and heads would normally be ( why are the guards so ineffective ? because they ', re all thumbs ! ) they move from one colorful locale to another  including a nifty virtual reality room reminiscent of the holodeck from " star trek . " the storyline is silly and convoluted  but even at its most dense  it is easier to follow than either " mission : impossible " movie . director robert rodriguez ( " from dusk to dawn " ) maintains a frenetic pace  with the whole film clocking in at a mere 86 minutes . a bit less action and a little more character development would have been nice  but he does provide enough quiet moments for viewers to become fully invested in the family . alexa vega and daryl sabara make an agreeable brother and sister team  squabbling the way kids do  but coming together when it counts . antonio banderas and carla gugino are even better as the parents ; they quickly establish and maintain a great lusty chemistry while keeping their tongues properly in cheek during the action scenes . even the usually irritating alan cumming has some nice moments ? a virtual cloud - backed chat between his character and juni is one of the best segments in the film . had rodriguez added a few more scenes like that  i would have enjoyed the film more ( and i definitely could have lived without the glaring product placement for a certain mc - ubiquitous company ) . regardless  " spy kids " is a hoot  offering fun for adults and children alike . and just think  they managed to do it without sacrificing a single testicle .
pos of all the films i ', ve come to see this year ( 1997 )  i think only chasing amy had as many " laugh - out - loud " moments . i ', m not saying that i was hysterically rolling on the floor while watching waiting for guffman  but my mouth burst open with at least a delighted guffaw at least every couple of minutes . and i think i ', m the kind of person that laughs least at movies  even when i find them funny . usually all you can get out of me is a warm smile  so to get me laughing out loud  and so frequently  is a really good sign . waiting for guffman is the story of blaine  missouri  a town celebrating it ', s 150th anniversary  and the musical that is being put on for the big event . the play is being directed by corky st . clair ( christopher guest  who also wrote and directed this " mockumentary " as well as co - writing several original musical numbers )  the effeminate broadway hopeful determined to make this production a smashing success . teaming up with st . clair are a handful of blaine residents : allan pearl ( eugene levy )  a jewish dentist who spent his youth not as the class clown  but sitting right next to him and studying him  ron and sheila albertson ( fred willard and catherine o ', hara respectively )  a married couple setting their sights on hollywood  libby mae brown ( parker posey )  the dense but fun queen of the dairy queen  and a few others . everybody in this movie is brilliant  absolutely so  but levy particularly stands out . these characters are portrayed with such saddening realism that you can ', t help but love them  as pathetic as they really are . although levy stands out  guest  willard  o ', hara  and posey are all wonderful and definitely should be commended for their performances ! if there was an oscar for an ensemble performance  this is the group that should sweep it . some humor was a tad uneven from the rest of the film and  even after starting very humorously  they nearly lost me with the tad - too - long intros . as delightful as it was  it began to get monotonous . thankfully  just as your about to say " ok  maybe i should run to the bathroom "  they finally get past the intros and onto the rehearsal scenes . like a play  this film gives a very three - act feel  the intros ( funny  but almost too long )  the rehearsals ( even funnier )  and finally  the actual performance of the play ( excellent ! ) . like i said  each character really shines  even when done with a subtle approach . you can ', t really watch these people and not think they ', re real people ! even they way they talk  with awkward pauses and stumbles that don ', t feel staged at all  you feel like you ', re watching a real  albeit funny  documentary . and even with silly lyrics  the original songs when the play is finally put on  are absolutely wonderful ! as a word of note  despite it ', s " r " rating  waiting for guffman is really quite clean . this rating came from a brief  very brief use of the grand - daddy of all swear words . even if that really bothers you  let me say that it ', s not presented in a vulgar  cheap - laugh way . it ', s actually quite humorous and tastefully done ! it might be hard knowing what to expect with waiting for guffman . it ', s silly humor  but it ', s also so dry  subtle  and intelligently done that you ', re not insulted by it . it ', s always really nice to see a comedy that isn ', t all slapstick and vulgarity  and this film is one of the better ones of the better ones ! i ', d recommend seeing it !
pos in essence  good will hunting is an ordinary story told well . taken as a whole  there ', s little that ', s special about this tale -- it follows a traditional narrative path  leaves the audience with a warm  fuzzy feeling  and never really challenges or surprises us . but it ', s intelligently written ( with dialogue that is occasionally brilliant )  strongly directed  and nicely acted . so  while good will hunting is far from a late - year masterpiece  it ', s a worthwhile sample of entertainment . like scent of a woman  which was released around this time of the season five years ago  good will hunting is about the unlikely friendship that develops between a world - weary veteran and a cocky young man . the formula for the two films is similar -- both of the principals learn from each other as they slowly break down their barriers on the way to a better understanding of life and their place in it -- but the characters are different . al pacino ', s slade was a larger - than - life individual ; robin williams ', sean mcguire is much more subtle . and matt damon ', s will hunting uses pugnaciousness to supplant the blandness of chris o ', donnell ', s charlie . will is a troubled individual . as a child  he was the frequent victim of abuse . an orphan  he was in and out of foster homes on a regular basis . now  not yet 21 years old  he has accumulated an impressive rap sheet . he has a short temper and any little incident can set him off like a spark in a tinder box . but he ', s a mathematical genius with a photographic memory and the ability to conceive simple solutions to complex problems . while working as a janitor at mit  he delights in anonymously proving theorems on the math building ', s hall blackboards . then  one evening  his anonymity is shattered when professor lambeau ( stellan skarsgard ) catches him at work . will flees  but lambeau tracks him down . unfortunately  by the time the professor finds him  will is in jail for assaulting a police offer . the judge agrees to release will under two conditions : that he spend one day a week meeting with lambeau and that he spend one day a week meeting with a therapist . eventually  once several psychologists have rejected the belligerent young man  sean mcguire  a teacher at bunker hill community college  agrees to take the case . after a rocky start  the two form a rapport and will begins to explore issues and emotions he had walled up behind impregnable armor . and  as will advances his self - awareness in sessions with sean  he also learns about friendship from his buddy  chuckie ( ben affleck )  and love from a harvard co - ed named skylar ( minnie driver ) . the script  by co - stars matt damon and ben affleck  is not a groundbreaking piece of literature  and occasionally resorts to shameless manipulation . the characters are well - developed  however  and there are times when the dialogue positively sparkles . at one point  will comments that a session with sean is turning into a " taster ', s choice moment . " later  will gives a brilliant  breathless diatribe against the nsa that has the rhythm of something written by kevin smith . ( note : since smith co - executive produced good will hunting  it ', s not out of the question that he had some input into this scene . ) director gus van sant ( drugstore cowboy  to die for ) culls genuine emotion from his actors  and this results in several affecting and powerful scenes . there ', s an edginess to some of the sean / will therapy sessions  and the offscreen chemistry between matt damon and minnie driver ( who became romantically linked while making this film ) translates effectively to the movie -- the will / skylar relationship is electric . likewise  the companionability of damon and affleck is apparent in the easygoing nature of will and chuckie ', s friendship . many of the individual scenes are strong enough to earn good will hunting a recommendation  even if the overall story is somewhat generic . matt damon  who recently starred as the idealistic young lawyer in the rainmaker  is solid ( although not spectacular ) as will . minnie driver ( last seen in grosse pointe blank ) adds another strong performance to a growing resume ( and it ', s refreshing that she was allowed to keep her british accent rather than having to attempt an american one ) . the outstanding performance of the film belongs to robin williams  whose sean is sad and wise  funny and somber . arguably the best dramatic work in the actor ', s career ( alongside what he did in the fisher king )  williams ', portrayal could earn him a best supporting actor oscar nomination . adequate support is provided by ben affleck ( chasing amy ) and stellan skarsgard ( breaking the waves ) . like most of what comes before it  the ending of good will hunting is completely predictable . but meeting expectations and following a familiar path aren ', t always bad things in a movie  provided the film accomplishes those goals with a modicum of style and an attention to detail . good will hunting does both  and  as a result  earns a rating commensurate with the " good " in the title .
pos clue is an unfairly ignored comedy  very similar to 1976 ', s murder by death . this big screen version of the classic board game ( what ', s next . . . chutes and ladders : the motion picture ? ) is filled with slapstick antics and silly dialogue . the plot  for what it ', s worth  has all the characters from the game ( in this case  the names from the game are used as aliases ) meeting in an isolated mansion to confront mr . boddy ( lee ving )  the man who ', s been blackmailing them all . when he turns up dead  everyone ( including the audience ) must figure out whodunnit . . . and in what room  and with what object . while not as witty as neil simon ', s murder by death  clue definitely has it moments . it has so many moments in fact that i use a lot of the lines from the film when i ', m joking around with my friends . to this day  whenever someone says the phrase " well  to make a long story short " i have the follow up phrase " too late " ready to go . the cast ( all very good comedic talents ) play well off one another  while the late madeline kahn ( as the dark and sultry mrs . white ) sometimes steals the film away from the rest . and colleen camp  as the french maid yvette  displays some of her natural talents as well . clue is available on dvd from paramount home video . it includes the film in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1 ( and is enhanced for 16x9 televisions ) and features the original theatrical trailer . a french language audio track is also available . the trailer holds up well considering most previews from that time do not  and it even includes a scene not in the film itself ( a scene that should have been in the film  as it ', s a good joke ) . also  the trailer is scored to the music from airplane !  which was an interesting choice . when clue played in theaters  it ran with the gimmick of three different endings . if you wanted to see all three  you had to go to the movies three separate times . so when the film was released on home video  rather than releasing three separate videos  all three endings were included on one tape . . . the first two endings being " what if ? " endings and the third ending being the actual ending . now for the dvd release you get two choices . you can watch the film as it was presented on home video or you can select to watch it with one of the three endings randomly chosen for you . ( note : there ', s an easter egg hidden in the disc pertaining to this . after watching the film with a randomly selected ending  when you return to the menu screen you will be able to highlight the large magnifying glass and select it . when you do  a secret menu opens  allowing you to watch any of the three endings by themselves . ) now while i applaud the effort of paramount here  as they clearly tried to do something special with the disc  it just doesn ', t work well . first  why not give the viewer the choice of what ending we want to watch ? maybe someone like myself who ', s seen the movie hundreds of times would like to sit down and show it to someone with the second ending only . i ', m no technical dvd expert  but i can ', t imagine that being too hard to accomplish . secondly  the delay between when the film itself ends and one of the endings begins is too long and too obvious  thereby becoming a distraction right when you definitely don ', t need a distraction . finally  the back of the dvd case states " and now  with this special dvd version  you can see all 3 surprise endings " . i have no idea why they would word it that way  since that ', s not a special feature in the slightest . the video has been out for fifteen years now ( good lord  has it been that long ? ) and it ', s played on television with all three endings all the time . these are merely minor complaints however  seeing that i ', ve watched the home video version hundreds of times and have no problem watching the film as such on the dvd . the picture and sound are wonderfully improved over my worn out vhs copy  and i ', m thrilled that paramount agrees with me that clue is a film worthy of being preserved on this great digital format . [ pg ]
pos the dream team is a thoroughly entertaining comedy featuring four loveable characters who just happen to be slightly insane . billy  played by michael keaton  is an extremely temperamental mental ward patient whose short fuse and violent tantrums tend to get him in trouble . christopher lloyd portrays henry  an obsessive - compulsive who requires that everything be neat  orderly  on schedule  and by the books . he thinks he ', s a doctor so he walks around wearing a suit and carrying a clipboard on which he constantly scribbles notes and files reports . jack  played by peter boyle  thinks he ', s jesus . and finally  there ', s stephen furst as albert  a chubby catatonic who speaks only in baseball and television phrases . the dream team follows the misadventures that beset the four - some when their psychiatrist  dr . weitzman  takes them out of the hospital for a field trip to yankee stadium . during a pit stop  they get separated from weitzman and are left to fend for themselves in manhattan . the movie ', s charm derives mostly from the camaraderie and chemistry between its delightful cast . the four leads in the film play off each other quite effectively ; they never miss an opportunity to argue  bicker  or insult one another . henry and jack  for example  fight over who ', s going to get to ride in the front passenger seat on the way to the game . the actors in the dream team have a lot of fun with their characters and with each other . michael keaton is well cast as billy ; he gives his cynical character considerable complexity . as the divinely jack  peter boyle succeeds in keeping his one - dimensional character funny and fresh . although stephen furst ', s catatonic character is cliched  the actor makes him sympathetic and endearing . while keaton  boyle  and furst are good  it ', s christopher lloyd who really makes the movie special . lloyd gives yet another outstanding comic performance . his body language ( for example  the way he walks ) and his facial expressions are perfectly suited to his compulsive character . lloyd ', s brilliant performance yields a pathetic  moving  and memorable character . the dream team is a solid comedy with more depth and drama than you might expect from its simple premise . the characters are so appealing that you can excuse the film for its often outlandish and unbelievable plot .
pos people who enjoy science fiction are often faced with unpleasant surprises due to the improper labelling of novels  stories  comic books or movies . often science fiction aficionados find material  previously labelled as science fiction  to be pure fantasy or supernatural horror  or rather simple techno - thriller . in such cases  mistakes are understandable - genre boundaries are never clearly marked . but  i believe there are really few cases when a movie labelled as science fiction actually happens to be straight historical epic . such thing occurred in former yugoslavia some fifteen years ago  when national distributors gave such treatment to the right stuff  1983 film directed by philip kaufman . the mistake of the distributors could be explained with the fact that the official poster of the film features men in space suits . but the right stuff film isn ', t even fiction . it was based on the non - fiction book by tom wolfe  covering the early years of american space program . the plot of the film begins in 1947 when few people heard of edwards air force base  major test site for experimental planes . the major aim of test flights is to determine ability of manned aircraft to reach 1 mach speed and thus break the sound barrier . many pilots tried to achieve that goal and many paid with their lives for such bravado . but one quiet pilot  chuck eager ( played by sam shaped ) succeeds and thus gives example for whole new generation of test pilots  determined to enter history books by breaking new speed records . ten years later  soviets have launched " sputnik " marking the beginning of the space age . in order to regain national prestige  us government decides to be the first to send man into space . best air force  navy and marine pilots are recruited into program  but not yeager  because he lacks college education and desired all - american image . in one of critics ', polls the right stuff was named as one among top 10 films made in 1980s . such high position could be explained with the fact that kaufman ', s film looks quite atypical for its time . with more than three hours of length and epic scope it looked more suitable for 1950s and 1960s - age when hollywood used to make films larger than life . but the real reason lies in the fact that it was made by truly remarkable and talented filmmaker . philip kaufman created reputation in 1970s by using all the opportunities of that golden age in order to create original  memorable movies . the right stuff was the last of them  swan song of an era when producers allowed directors to spend big bucks on unusual  risk - taking " artsy " projects . the right stuff is unusual because it lacks many standard elements of hollywood film . the plot is almost non - existent and not very coherent ; the story  featuring many interesting incidents and anecdotes  shifts focus from the old generation of test pilots  embodied in yeager  to new generation of the astronauts . the film also lacks conventional protagonist - yeager ( who also appears in small cameo ) remains the true hero of the film  but equal time and exposure is also given to other astronauts and their wives  making this movie into ensemble piece . that gave opportunity for kaufman to use multitude of great acting talents  until that specialised only for bit or character roles . sam shepard is great as yeager  war hero whose greatest achievement - breech of the sound barrier - remained obscured in history books  probably due to his own modesty . on the surface  he lacks personality compared with his hyped and more fortunate astronaut colleagues  but shepard gives texture to this character with subtle gestures and phrases . shepard ', s performance is followed with great acting by ed harris as clean - cut marine ( and future politician ) john glenn . young dennis quaid is more than fine as arrogant fighter jock gordo cooper  and this arrogance is mirrored in his friend and most tragic figure of virgil grissom  superbly played by fred ward . always reliable character actor scott glenn provides some comic relief as navy aviator and ( arguably ) first american man in space alan shepard . kaufman left room for female talents to excel too - barbara hershey  pamela reed  veronica cartwright and mary jo deschanel are great as pilots ', wives . royal dano is also impressive as menacing figure of preacher  but the most memorable performances belong to donald moffat as vice - president lyndon b . johnson and jane dornacker as nurse murch . great acting talent assembled for this film was mirrored with kaufman ', s superb direction . most notable of all is the methods kaufman uses in order to suggest the passage of time . the beginning of the film shows test pilots living in the middle of desert  as virtual unknowns  far away from strict rules and discipline . everything seems natural - yeager can indulge himself in horse riding just few yards away from the fastest and most precious aircraft in the world . in that setting  it ', s quite normal for important technical problems to be solved with simple chainsaw and for the test pilots not to report their ribs being broken before most important flights . but the times are changing ; ww2 alliance with ussr is replaced with cold war  and " natural " pilots like yeager must be replaced with more disciplined  conventional pilots . their entire lives become focus of media frenzy  and their job is subjected to strict rules  meticulous plans and they must fight the bureaucrats  publicity - seeking politicians and uncaring scientists ( like former nazi rocket expert werner von braun  played by scott beach ) only to preserve their most basic human dignity . this contrast is underlined with the beautifully edited sequence - while yeager conducts his final and most spectacular test flight in absolute obscurity  " mercury " astronauts receive fame and fortune  although some of them even before going in the space . those contrasts and similar effects are achieved with kaufman ', s superb use of poetic movie language . editing is great  and photography by caleb deschanel provides many memorable scenes like the funeral in the desert or astronauts in their suits walking in slow motion ( the same image would be copied in many latter films ) . although kaufman enjoyed support of nasa and american military  which provided authentic locations and period equipment  he still had to use special effects in order to simulate space flights . those effects are excellent and they can still fool the audience accustomed to cgi and real footage of earth from outer space . another fine contribution of this film is " oscar " - awarded musical score by bill conti ; i still tremble from excitement every time i hear it . it is accompanied with the use of holst and debussy . some of the songs used in the background also provide authentic atmosphere of the historical period . this film is great  and its cult status is well deserved  but there are some minor flaws . some of the " mercury " astronauts aren ', t fleshed out enough ( although being played by fine actors  like lance henriksen ) . film also lacks proper closure . on the other hand  most logical conclusion of the film - landing on the moon - would require this film to be more than six hours long . also  some critics were prone to attack this film as too amerocentric and hard on russians  who were portrayed as evil monsters  just in line with most virulent cold war rhetoric of reagan ', s america . in some of contemporary interviews  kaufman defended that approach by claiming that he wanted to make film as authentic as possible  and in order to do that  he portrayed russians not as they were in real life  but as they were perceived by americans in early 1960s . time has passed ; now we don ', t see astronauts as heroes . in this age of widespread satellite communications and routine space missions  those men and women in space suits are seen as mere maintenance workers . few young boys want to be astronauts when they grow up . but this film  sentimental reminder of the times " when future began "  perhaps could encourage at least some of them to follow " mercury " astronauts ', footsteps seek new frontiers in the sky . and even if they decide to stay on earth  they could still appreciate the right stuff as an extraordinary piece of cinema .
pos i find most of television so intensely boring that i simply never turn on my set  unless i ', m watching a movie . i don ', t even have cable  so i went to radio shack to buy an antenna specifically for the purpose of watching " the x - files " every sunday night . it ', s the only show that ', s worth an hour of my time each week ( though  since i don ', t watch reruns  i ', m glad that i have six months of the year to avoid television altogether ) . i am an avid fan of the show  and have been for about three years now . and i love gillian anderson . the x - files is the film that continues the story where the season finale left off . the film is like a two - hour episode  except that there are a lot more special effects  the plot is thicker  and the resolution is more satisfying . this is a terrific film  both for fans of the series and for those who have never seen it ( i imagine that viewers unfamiliar with the show will find the film to be solid and riveting entertainment ) . i expected to like it more than any episode i ', ve seen  and my expectations were met . actually  the film takes a few risks in its story and plot devices  but  thankfully  the makers managed to do it right . when the finale ended  the fbi branch known as the x - files had been destroyed  and our heroes  mulder ( david duchovny ) and scully ( gillian anderson ) were left stripped of five years of hard work . the film picks up soon after ; and mulder and scully have been reduced to field agents investigating a bomb threat in a federal building . but wait  i ', m getting ahead of myself . the film actually opens in the ice age  about 32  000 years prior  during which a couple of prehistoric guys get attacked by a vicious alien . the alien ', s blood infects them ( fans of the show will certainly remember the black cancer )  and the story jumps into modern times  during which a young boy is also infected with the cancer . it turns out that the bomb was planted to kill the boy  and mulder and scully uncover the cover - up despite the fact that scully has resigned from her position in the fbi . soon  they find out that the whole thing has to do with aliens . as i ', ve written before  it ', s not easy to write plot summaries for films like this  because everything needs to be a surprise . fans of the show will know what to expect  and i seriously doubt any of them being disappointed with the film . director rob bowman has done a great job expanding the eerie feeling of the show to the big screen  making small adjustments and minor changes to utilize the possibilities that film allows over television . there are some truly suspenseful and well - created scenes here ( late in the film  when they ', re in the alien spacecraft  you ', ll see one of the better action sequences in recent cinema ) . the special effects are very good  and the production design by christopher nowak is fantastic . what i find interesting is that the x - files is actually a great way for series neophytes to get into the story . our heroes are given subtle introductions ( we ', re not expected to know them on the outset )  and the film explains enough of the story that prior knowledge of the series isn ', t required to understand the film . there are  of course  little elements that the makers have included as payoff to the fans  but i ', ll keep those as surprises . it takes a lot of thought and understanding of the series to create a film using roots as complicated as the ones that the series provides  and then create a coherent film that anyone can understand clearly . the series is strong for a lot of reasons . it ', s original ( though it has many ties to " the twilight zone " and owes some homage to hitchcock )  and impressively eerie for a television show . what really makes the series shine  however  are the actors . duchovny has so much presence  and is just a fun guy to watch . he has that confidence that will someday make him into a bankable leading man . anderson is equally good  and paralyzingly beautiful ; she ', s also a strong actress . both performers have acted in little more than their series  however  though i think they ', ll both get their chances to prove themselves very soon . i enthusiastically recommend the x - files  both for fans and non - fans . 1998 is a summer filled with disappointing blockbusters  and this film should satisfy where most of the others leave you completely dry . it ', s an intelligent film  and takes you places that you might not have been ( or  at least  might not have seen so many times that they feel familiar ) . the x - files is impressive in concept  as well : fans of the series are likely to be highly critical  and to take the premise beyond the series is a risky move . it ', s nice to see a risk pay off for a change . actually  it ', s nice to see a risk at all .
pos " the celebration " is one of an elite kind of films that is completely absorbant . you know  where you sit down to watch it  and no matter what you ', ve heard about it before  you just can ', t help but be totally drawn into its story and shocked by every single turn that occurs . i prefer films like these because these are what the best kind of films are like . i don ', t really feel there are to be any real " rules " for cinema ; a film can do anything  as long as it makes it work . but i do ask that all films have one thing in common : they create experiences . when i watch a film  no matter what kind of film it is  i want to be able to take certain memories along with me . " the celebration " is great because it ', s chock full of those . it creates a world so completely realistic that everything that occurs is as memorable as the little instances of life that catch your attention and stay with you for the rest of your life . and then it makes things just a tad bit farscial  just to make sure you ', re paying attention  which you are because what transpires is just so goddam interesting that if you were to ever feel bored  then you ', re of your attention span needs a bit of a tuning - up . the story takes place at the extravagant home of an aging patriarch ( henning mortizen )  who has just turned 60 and is having a party thrown for him . all his friends and family turn up  and for the first half hour  we get introduced to everyone  simplistically and realistically ( no aggravatingly condescending posing for the camera deals here ) . the eldest son  christian ( ulrich thomsen  looking a bit like a young malcolm mcdowell )  is the first to be seen in the film  walking to his father ', s home . his brother  michael ( thomas bo larsen )  drives by  pulls over  greets him  then kicks his family out of the car  forcing them to walk to the estate  just so christian can be comfortable . we then meet helene ( paprika steen )  their sister  a woman who always seems to be stressed - out  who invites the driver of her car ( gbatokai dakinah )  an american  to to come join her at the party she ', s going to . once they ', re all there and settled in  the party begins  and as custom  the eldest son has to make a speech to his dad  so christian stands up  at the head of the table  and reveals the film ', s punchline : his father raped all his children at a young age . but since this is a family / friends affair  his confession becomes more detested than the supposed truth  and is simply brushed off despite his efforts  and what transpires is sorta like jerry springer crossed with jean renoir  and it ', s all terribly interesting to watch . twists occur  and soon the film has taken on a nearly - farsical nature  but still seems realistic because the people involved really feel like they could reach such ends . the most notorious thing about this film  which has been getting the most notice  though  is that the director  thomas vinterberg has shot it in a completely awkward fashion . as a member of the danish filmmakers clan  dogme 95  a group that has vowed to oppose " the auteur concept  make - up  illusions  and dramaturgical predictability " so that they may " purge film so that once again the inner lives of the characters justify the plot . " i have not seen " breaking the waves  " the other notable film by a member of this group ( lars von trier  to be exact )  but " the celebration " works exquisitely in this department . it feels like reality  like you ', re actually watching real people and not actors  and as a major pointer  has been shot on video . as a result  it looks more like the home movies you never dare shot of your family than an actual film  but always wanted to . we see key moments in people ', s lives that they wouldn ', t dare show to the world  and it captures the farscial comedy of life so accurately and acutely that this style  as ironically - showmanship as it really is  works perfectly for the nature of the film . the key  though  to this film  and the reason it ', s not just a cool danish import  is because this film is not about revealing the truth as much as it is about the way people react to such an explosive truth . throughout the film  we see a completely realized debate over the truth and the effects it has on the lives of those who have learned to live with lies  a debate so three - dimensional that it could easily blow oliver stone and his the - truth - at - all - costs reasoning out of the water . of course it was not right for the father to rape his children  and of course  they couldn ', t have fought back then  and of course this has created scarring suppression inside them . and yes  it ', s thearapeutic for one to release the truth years later  when they know it could easily destroy the one who emotionally destroyed them earlier . but then again  the father  after all  is not a totally bad guy  and we can see the emotional complications that arise thanks to a performance by mortizen which is just so great and touching that while we do believe that he could have raped his children years earlier  we also see a man who has also learned to live with what he ', s done  and deep down  feels true guilt that is only now beginning to surface . the final scene  involving mortizen and everyone else  is utterly devastating  thanks to him and thomsen  whose performance is utterly flawless and equally emotionally complex . everyone else is flawless as well - the actors never seem to be stepping into the shoes of their characters as much as they do walking comfortably in them . the actors or writers have not made the mistake to judge these characters in the slightest : there are no whites or blacks but instead all grays  exactly like life . as such  " the celebration " may be the one truly bizarro film of the year : a work of art so eerily close to reality that it ', s utterly disturbing and utterly fascinating .
pos synopsis : shrek ( myers ) is an ogre living in contented solitude deep in the heart of a forest  until his home is invaded by fairy tale creatures fleeing the rule of the evil lord farquaad ( john lithgow ) . farquaad agrees to relocate the pests  on the condition that shrek rescues princess fiona ( diaz ) -- whom farquaad desires to wed -- from a far - off castle . grudgingly  shrek sets out  joined in his quest by an unwanted companion  donkey ( murphy ) . review : one memorable aspect of disney ', s " aladdin " was that it finally gave robin williams a character -- the genie -- to best take advantage of his comic talents . " shrek " does the same for eddie murphy ; ironically  though  murphy ', s ideal vessel turns out to be an ass . all the same  " shrek " does represent murphy ', s best comic outing in years  and as donkey he steals all the best lines . for instance  after getting belted with pixie dust while trying to conceal his nature as a magical creature  donkey soars into the air and scoffs  " now i ', m a flying talking donkey ! " and despite its many contributors  the script for " shrek " is full of such comic gems . myers is delightful in more of a straight man role  and lithgow also gets some great moments ( watch for a hilarious repartee with the gingerbread man ) . " shrek " takes great pleasure in lampooning fairy tales and nursery rhymes of all sorts  and reserves a few delightful knocks at disney in the bargain . things do go somewhat astray during the film ', s middle segment  which concentrates too much on the main characters at the expense of some of the terrific fairy tale satire which is the movie ', s greatest strength . but even then  one can always sit back and enjoy the beautiful computer animation  whose remarkable use here represents yet another dazzling leap forward for the technology .
pos matthew broderick and high school comedy . the two terms have been practically inseparable since ferris buehler took the day off in 1986 . now it is 13 years later  and broderick has another high school comedy  election  to show the world . ferris buehler ', s day off showed an educational setting that was similar to a pile of marshmallows . it was light  fluffy  tasty  and sparkling clean . but election is far different . this production is a dark  and frighteningly realistic one that does so much more than entertain for the 103 minutes it occupies ; it shocks as well . jim mcallister ( matthew broderick ) is the type of teacher that makes american high schools proud . he is a kind  caring  younger man who has built his life around carver high school . in turn  carver high school has provided a home for him . jim has won teacher of the year no less than three times in his 12 year span  and is a well respected social studies teacher among the student body . tracy flick ( reese witherspoon ) is an intelligent  outgoing  and  to quote the film  " super nice " young girl . she is involved in numerous extracurricular activities  always has her hand up first in class  and is extremely popular among most of the student body . so  it is a natural progression when she decides to run for school president . the metzler family is an extremely wealthy one . the father  dick ( holmes osborne )  owns a cement company . the mother  jo ( jeanine jackson )  is an ideal housewife . and the two children  paul ( chris klein ) and tammy ( jessica campbell )  are both students at carver high school . paul was the quarterback of the football team before he injured himself  and is definitely a candidate for most popular person in school . tammy is a lesbian who  to say the least  is going through a period of self discovery . for reasons of revenge  hatred  and sexual envy  jim convinces paul to run against tracy for school president . he claims that in a democracy you need choices  and having tracy run unopposed creates a dictatorship of sorts . so paul agrees and the race is on . but then  in an effort to spite the two candidates  tammy announces that she is running as well . her campaign is straightforward : people only run to put it on their college applications  then they do nothing . well  " i don ', t even want to go to college  " she says . in election  there are no " good guys " . almost everyone has their own agenda . no matter how deeply hidden  the production digs it up and exploits it for the audience . tracy is the type of person that you remember from high school . she is the girl that would be labeled " most likely to achieve anything she wants " in the yearbook  and everyone secretly envied her because of that . jim is a teacher that takes the trust that students give him as a privilege  and uses it to his own amoral advantage . everyone  including the principal  a former teacher  all the candidates  and even paul ', s girlfriend are two sided characters . that is much of this film ', s beauty  it doesn ', t have the typical good guys that hollywood likes  instead it is a realistic portrayal of the real world  specializing in revealing the type of sexual perversions that people usually keep to themselves . matthew broderick couldn ', t have been any more perfect for this role . his character is often similar bill murray ', s award winning role in the 1998 film  rushmore . of the two acting jobs  broderick ', s is far superior . but even he is overshadowed by the young reese witherspoon . the hatred that she causes the audience to develop towards her  is simply indescribable . broderick and witherspoon are simply at their best when they are playing off each other in various scenes . one such moment occurs when she approaches him in his car as he is leaving school one day . you can see her self pride in her eyes as she presents him a list of signatures  making her an eligible candidate . and his subtle disgust with her is apparent  although he tries to mask it between the lines and attempts to put on a happy face . the supporting cast is one with little hollywood experience . but that is far from apparent as everyone takes control of their part . however  the real treat is jessica campbell in her confused role as a young homosexual girl . this is never more apparent than the scene where she delivers her speech announcing her so - called platform for presidency . she is just marvelous as her hatred towards what she thinks to be an unjust system is expressed . if ferris buehler made you feel good about american high schools  and gave you an innocent laugh or two  then the movie achieved its goal . but don ', t you dare think that election ', s goals are similar . it is just as real in its portrayal of high school  as its characters are in the real world . there certainly is no pile of marshmallows here .
pos the rocky horror picture show ', special edition ', ( 1975 ) starring : tim curry and susan sarandon cult films are never mainstream . the casual viewer of a cult film will look at it and be repulsed and confused  yelling out ', what the hell is that ? ', . fans of these sorts of movies will be laughing at every other second at all the ', hidden jokes ', they missed the first time around while normal movie watchers will look at them like they ', re insane . the rocky horror picture show  recently re - released in a ', special edition ', to video  is the mother of all cult films . period . like some other cult films  most notably little shop of horrors  the rocky horror picture show is a musical with a twisted edge to it . this movie begins out innocently enough - a couple get engaged at a friend ', s wedding and get a flat tire in the middle of the night while it ', s raining . they go to a castle to try to use the phone . little do they know that the castle is owned by dr . frank n . furter  a mad transexual transvestite scientist who has recently created a creature he will use for personal reasons . the acting is pretty good overall . tim curry ( home alone 2  legend ) is over - the - top as frank n . furter . it ', s interesting to see that this movie was one of future oscar winner susan sarandon ', s ( dead man walking ) first film - she plays janet  the girlfriend of brad majors . even the singer meatloaf is in it ! ! the songs are all very good yet twisted in their own way . a sampling of titles range from damn it  janet to touch - a touch - a touch - a touch me . all the actors sing their songs with no dubbing from other actors - kind of a bad thing . barry bostwick ( brad majors ) tries to sing as does susan sarandon  but tim curry is clearly the most professional having extensive stage experience . meatloaf sings like meatloaf . the new special edition contains two original movie trailers of the film as well as two songs deleted from the original version . sadly  the songs are tacked after the credits - kind of defeats the purpose . if you want to see a different film  watch this one ! !
pos confession time : i have never  ever seen gone with the wind . i don ', t know why  really . haven ', t wanted to check it out on video  haven ', t been at home the nights it was on network tv  and it was too far to drive the last time it was on the big - screen . so right up front  i ', ll admit that i don ', t know what the heck i ', m talking about  but here goes . . . is titanic the gone with the wind of the 1990 ', s ? maybe that ', s going a little bit too far . as good a job as leonardo dicaprio and kate winslet do in this movie  they ', re no clark gable and vivien leigh . but . . . the parallels are there . gwtw was the first movie to take real advantage of the most revolutionary technology available -- technicolor . titanic takes revolutionary steps forward in seamlessly integrating computer graphic design with actors . gwtw places america ', s greatest tragedy in the background of a classic love story  titanic does the same with the atlantic ', s most legendary tragedy . they both have strong - willed redheaded heroines  they both exploit the class differences between the aristocracy and the slaves / steerage bums  they were both incredibly expensive and popular . . . ok  maybe that ', s not enough parallels . so titanic ', s not in gwtw ', s league . no matter . titanic is a great movie in its own right  complete with spills  thrills and ( especially ) chills . much has been made of the humongous cost of the production  and all of the care than went into making the huge luxury liner come alive again . the money was obviously well - spent . the costumes look great  the sets look great  the cgi graphics look great . i especially liked the expensive little touches  like spending tons of money on authentic titanic china only to break it all on the floor as the ship sinks . but writer / director / producer james cameron ', s real challenge in writing / directing / producing titanic wasn ', t just costuming and set design and special effects . cameron ', s major headache was keeping the audience interested in a tale where everybody knows the ending going in . he succeeds masterfully . cameron does two things that work incredibly well . first  he shows us modern - day salvage operations on titanic ( that ', s just " titanic "  not " the titanic "  mind you ) . the first glimpse we get of titanic is the ship in its present state  corroding slowly away under the hammering pressure of the north atlantic  from the window of a minisub piloted by treasure hunter brock lovett ( bill paxton ) . television coverage of the exploration of titanic intrigues 101 - year - old rose calvert ( gloria stuart )  who survived the wreck in 1912 . stuart does a phenomenal job in a brief role  narrating the story of her experience to a stunned paxton and his roughneck crew . secondly  cameron keeps the storyline focused almost exclusively on the rose character  and the romantic triangle between rose ( winslet )  her bastard millionaire fiancee cal hockley ( billy zane ) and the irrepressible young artist jack daswon ( dicaprio ) . the way that big - budget disaster movies usually go wrong is to have an all - star cast  so we see the impact of the disaster on a wide group of people . cameron wisely chooses to stick with rose and jack  while paying scant heed to the celebrities on board . the supporting cast is professional  but mostly anonymous -- other than kathy bates as the unsinkable molly brown  there ', s no moment when you stop and say  oh  yeah  i know him  what ', s he been in . ( although i would like to have seen colm meaney in a white star uniform  or even as the ill - fated engineer . ) the love story itself is rather conventional . i think some reviewers found it weak  and that may be a fair criticism . the performances are the key here . zane has the meatiest part in the movie  and he plays the arrogant  condescending steel millionaire to the hilt . he ', s smooth  he looks great in a tuxedo  and he ', s a convincing enough jerk that the winslet - dicaprio relationship looks plausible . at the moment when he sees a little girl too frightened to get aboard a lifeboat  you can hear the wheels in his mind turning  saying not " can i save this little girl ? "  but " can she help me get on a lifeboat ? " dicaprio is a revelation . i hadn ', t seen him before in anything  and didn ', t know what the heck to expect  really . ( honestly  i expected a bad irish accent  but cameron evidently decided that was a bad idea  so dicaprio plays a poor american artist who wins a ticket in a poker game . ) dicaprio exhibits an infectious joy at being alive  and being on the titanic  that it ', s hard not to like him . from the moment that the ship leaves port until it hits the iceberg  dicaprio has to carry the movie and keep our interest  and he never falters . winslet ', s character grows up a lot during the movie  and so does her performance . at first  she ', s not required to do anything but wear period clothing and look drop - dead gorgeous . we know from the narration that she ', s monstrously unhappy with her arranged marriage to zane  but there isn ', t any expression of these feelings until she encounters dicaprio . winslet and dicaprio develop a chemistry that manages to propel the movie along until the ship hits the iceberg . it ', s at that moment where winslet ', s character really comes alive . faced with real danger  she drops her spoiled - rich - girl mannerisms and does a splendid job . as rose and jack race around the doomed ship  looking for shelter from the freezing water and cal ', s fiery temper  winslet turns in a superb acting performance  mixing courage and compassion and anger with sheer shrieking terror . of course  the most interesting character is the ship itself . cameron has clearly fallen in love with titanic  and shows her in every mood -- as a deserted wreck  down in the boiler room  up on the bridge  down in the hold  at the captain ', s table  down in steerage -- and manages to bring the great ship back from the dead . cameron ', s greatest gift is that he allows us to fall in love with titanic as well .
pos if he doesn = 92t watch out  mel gibson is in danger of being known as someone other than mad max . of course there are still a few big guns in this film  but there = 92s some accomplished acting too . although gibson continues to shed his rough and gritty anti - hero skin as his career progresses  here he explores a new genre : the businessman as action hero . in ron howard = 92s latest film  gibson plays tom mullen  a gazillionaire airline owner whose son is snatched from the junior science fair by kidnappers . mullen at first agrees to pay the ransom  but when things fall apart he rethinks the situation . a veteran of numerous hard - nosed business negotiations  the tycoon realizes that in order to get his son back alive  he has to play his hand differently . the casting is what puts this film over the top . the trio of gibson  the kidnappers ', mastermind ( gary sinise ) and fbi team leader ( delroy lindo ) play off of each other wonderfully . sinise is perfect as the driven scheming sleezebag is right on the mark . his speech to mullen over a walkie talkie about h . g . wells = 92 morlocks and eloi reveal his vision of = society . mullen and the other glitteratti frolic up on high while sinise and the other lowlifes dwell below  feeding off the unsuspecting . gibson = 92s character is an all - american hero with a few flaws . his cowboy = tactics tend to work  but they are also what got him into this situation to begin with . in a round about way  if he weren = 92t known as a man who i = s willing to buy his way out of trouble  his son wouldn = 92t have been kidnapped . as sinise says " you = 92re a payer . you did it once and now you = 92re going to do it again . " one of the nicest elements of this film is that most of the characters actually have personalities . lindo calls home to talk to his kids  obviously shaken at working this case . even the kidnappers are real people  arguing about the ultimate fate of sean mullen and feeding him candy bars . gibson = 92s break - down on the balcony of their penthouse apartment is especially effective . it = 92s one of the best filmed representations of a man = 92s world falling apart that i = 92ve seen . it = 92s not all perfect . the shoot ', em upending  while emotionally satisfying seems tacked on to be just that rather than to provide a powerful resolution . as well crafted as the scene is  we = 92ve seen it before . mullen = 92s wife ( rene russo ) has several good moments  but occasionally just seems to be there . while adequate  brawley nolte ( sean ) doesn = 92t provide much to the film other than occupying space to build the story around . but you = 92ll ignore these problems as each minute of the movie builds on the previous one . forget about the large coke  you won = 92t want to leave for that five minute break an hour later .
pos john cusack is the kind of actor who seems to effortlessly slide into his respective film roles . so effortlessly that people tend to forget he ', s there  much in the way people rarely recall many of the great character actors ( anyone who can put the name james rebhorn with that actor ', s face is invited to treat themselves to a product from one of my sponsors ) . example : the other day my mother asked me ( the expert  of course ) if there were any movies out worth seeing  never mind that our tastes couldn ', t be more divergent --- i ', ll never forget the day she recommended that i go see a night at the roxbury for god sakes  and to be fair she was mightily pissed at me for telling her that go ! was a lot of fun ( which it is )  so i didn ', t see this as anything more than a futile attempt at conversation . i muttered  with a little trepidation  that she might enjoy high fidelity . she responded with her usual query  " whose in that one ? " this is a question whose answer that seems to immediately conjure up the kind of movie you went to see . if the reply is julia roberts you probably assume it was something wispy and light  a sylvester stallone movie and you picture a bloodbath with few words and much involuntary bicep flexing  and a woody allen movie means hyper articulate white people ( usually of the jewish faith ) fretting about in some upper east side palace . anyway  when i answered " john cusack "  she replied with a rather stunned " who ? "  as if it was unreasonable for her to know whom i was referring to . now i know for a fact that my mother has seen several cusack movies  most recently being john malkovich and pushing tin  but i suppose it ', s understandable that she would not recognize the name  after all  for most  names are tougher than faces . i showed her a picture of cusack ', s mug in the paper hoping for an " oh - him  yes he ', s quite good " instead i got a " no - i don ', t know him " . at this point i was way beyond frustration into a realm of nose hair yanking anger ( yes  filmic ignorance is all it takes to get me into the nose hair pulling zone )  till i realized something : i doubt that much of america would recognize cusack ', s relatively bland visage  or even the name which is rather bland compared to the coolness of a brad pitt or tom cruise  one - syllable names that glide off the tongue with the velocity of a speeding car . cu - sack . cu - sack - no  not quite as cool . i ', m sure that twenty years from now cusack will forever be referred to as " the guy from ( add in the cusack film of your choice ) " . he ', s not a brand name  and his movies usually aren ', t big moneymakers  but in his own unassuming way he ', s kind of a genius . with his pleasant  common man looks  and charming semi - articulate blatherings he has become one of the most likeable romantic leading men of the 90 ', s . from the sure thing to say anything cusack has merged the talents of early tom hanks and early jack lemmon . despite the fact that nearly every character he plays is a variation of the character before it ( the schlumpy every man )  he ', s a constantly enjoyable screen persona  like albert brooks or woody allen . and he knows how to chose scripts  while the stephan baldwin ', s and val kilmer ', s seem to put them selves in everything ( the former actually had the insight to follow up oscar winner usual suspects with a pauly shore vehicle  and judging from his latest projects it looks like he still has yet to fire his agent )  cusack generally picks rewarding projects ( save for the unwatchable hot pursuit  a 1988 film also featuring a young ben stiller ) . high fidelity is his second collaboration with hit or miss english director stephan fears ( the grifters  the hi - lo country )  and it ', s a hit . it was also co - written by cusack  and some of his collaborators on the terrific comedy  grosse point blank . it ', s not quite as entertaining or as funny as that film  but as it progresses in its meandering fashion  the movie cast something of a spell over me . high fidelity begins as a hipster ode to the non - committal rob  a vinyl record store owner  who opens the film by breaking down the fourth wall with much abandon and educating us in his " top 5 break ups list " . this is something cusack does the entire film a la ferris bueller ', s day off . at first the talking - directly - into - the - camera - schtick had me vaguely annoyed  mostly because it reminded me so much of the film body shots which used a similar conceit  but it began to grow on me due almost entirely to cusack ', s witty delivery . he ', s the kind of guy we don ', t mind talking directly to us . gradually the film settles into a shampoo - like tragi - comic character study  of a guy who must confront himself and his personal failures in order to figure out the true person he is ( yes it ', s all very existential ) . though that plot - line is mostly enjoyable  the thing i liked the most about the film is how much pleasure it offers in introducing us to minor characters  all of whom ( now this is really something ) are terrific enough to warrant their own films . the best of which is jack black ( of the very funny show tenacious d  a program that sadly went the way of bruce willis ', hair ? ? ? unfortunately that annoying smirk remains )  an ardent record store employee who bullies customers into buying exactly what he wants them to buy . he ', s the kind of guy i ', m sure we ', ve all met before  a blowhard who thinks he ', s always right and will do anything in his power ( be it yell  argue  insult ) to hoist his opinion onto others . but i like this guy  because of how black plays him . the actor is portly with a round baby face and crazy eyes  but despite his size he leaps to and fro like a manic speed freak ( which might be a bit of a redundant description  seeing as how all the speed freaks i know are manic ) . he ', s the kind of supporting character who would be impossibly annoying comic relief in most other films . ( look at what that hack jan de bont did to poor phillip seymour hoffman in twister ) . but fears and black never let that happen . the character  for all his shucking and jiving is steeped in reality . he ', s over the top  but in a way we can all probably relate to . catherine zeta - jones  in her brief role  gives a vivid portrayal of a women completely enamored with her own " charm " . tim robbins registers in an even tinier part as a new age - type  a character played entirely for cartoon yuks  but still manages to work its desired comic effect . the one exception in the acting department is a bit of a doozy  the main love interest played by danish actress iben hjejle ( mifune )  who completely obliterates any trace of a danish accent  replacing it with a stilted american phonation . i give her kudos for attempting such a contradictory role  but instead of being likeable  she comes across as rather robotic  and as such it ', s hard to see why cusack ', s character would be so obsessed with her especially when he has a beautiful  intelligent writer ( natasha gregson wagner ) potentially waiting in the wings . this reminded me of say anything  where the charming cusack was paired with the charmless ione skye  and in midnight in the garden of good and evil where the poor bastard had to put up with alison eastwood ( whose unbelievably more wooden then father  clint for those " special people " whose wheels turn a little slower ) . in fact cusack is rarely paired up with a personality that matches his  though i ', d bet that if laura and natasha switched roles  the result would be more effective . high fidelity works almost entirely on the strength of its characters and performances . fears ', direction is somewhat stilted  and the script is sometimes a little too ( and this is a word i ', m beginning to hate to use but alas i must ) quirky for its own good ( i think i ', ll blame that on scott rosenberg  who judging from what he did with beautiful girls  con air  and things to do in denver while your dead  has his fingerprints all over the most irritating bits of this movie ) . but cusack really does deserve an award  for being so damn ? ? ? cusackian . i ', m afraid that his talents are so understated that he may have to wait till his hip needs replacing to be offered such an award worthy of his considerable talent . his character  rob ( whose sort of like an older  more bitter lloyd from say anything ) is funny and tragic without being pathetic  and that cusack can do all this  and still not imprint himself onto the minds of most audiences  is something of an achievement .
pos only a year after the initial release of " scream  " the horror send - up from veteran horror director wes craven and screenwriter kevin williamson that seemed to breathe new life into the slasher genre  the inevitable sequel " scream 2 " has arrived in our theaters . while the tongue - in - cheek  parodic element is still noticeable in this film  it ', s really a sideshow to a broader commentary on violence and the media and a more conventional horror story . the first film  while often violent and gruesome  was mostly lacking in genuine scares because almost every scene was played for camp value and the discussion of the quirks and cliches of horror movies was nearly constant . the premise of " scream 2 " is that a series of copycat killings begin when a movie called " stab  " based on a book written by opportunistic reporter gail weathers ( courtney cox ) about the events in " scream  " is released and two audience members are killed during the opening screening . i had heard about this scene before i went to see the film and was surprised to find this sequence largely lacking in camp comedy . its conclusion  in which a bleeding  wounded woman stumbles in front of the screen and dies in front of an audience that cheers on because they think it ', s a publicity stunt  is more surreal and disturbing than anything else . the satire in " scream 2 " thus takes on a broad focus and gradually evolves into an exploration of media perceptions in general . although resident horror film geek randy ( jamie kennedy ) is back with fresh dialogue about sequels ( and  interestingly enough  how they are usually inferior to their predecessors )  the characters in this movie are drawing from other entries in the pop culture encyclopedia as well . everything from " friends " and " saved by the bell " to " showgirls " and " terminator 2 " is referenced here ; horror is only one of many genres available for lampooning  and there aren ', t any " wes carpenter " jokes this time . more importantly  this film portrays characters willing to go to disturbing lengths for media attention as well as characters whose perceptions have clearly been warped by what they have seen on tv and film . the killings are clearly an imitation of the previous murders from " scream " ( in fact  the culprit even plans to use the influence of horror movies as a courtroom defense )  weathers exploits the situation for her own notoriety  and one man seems willing to save the heroine ', s life only if it will earn him an interview on the today show . understandably  " scream 2 " does not go so far as to actually blame the movies  but rather shows that those who do imitate horror movies are already sick and twisted . couple that with the fact that several of the characters  most notably the lead character sidney prescott ( neve campbell )  are fairly well - developed and that there are some genuine moments of spine - chilling suspense  and what we have is a pretty darned good horror movie in its own right . we don ', t just get the horror of scary masks and graphic gore - we also get the horror of sympathetic characters who seem helpless as their friends are slaughtered ( and  in one case  a significant character who was an audience favorite even bites the dust ) and whose lives have been reduced to constant fear of a crazed murderer lurking around the corner . while i have not seen any of his other work  it ', s easy to see why craven is generally touted as the most sophisticated " slasher film " director  as he clearly cares about something more than just the actual acts of slashing . unfortunately  " scream 2 " occasionally reverts to the time - honored horror tradition of throwing logic out the window . for example  several characters seem quite clearly dead and inexplicably turn up alive later - there has been a running gag in both movies about the villain being able to pull off this particular trick  but it also happens with other characters and in an even less believable fashion . there are also a few scenes in which the killer suddenly appears behind the next victim in a situation such that ( s ) he clearly would have been seen moving in that direction . as for the question of whether or not " scream 2 " is yet another sequel not as good as its predecessor . . . well  it ', s hard to say . i gave the first " scream " 3 1 / 2 stars as well because it worked pretty consistently as a light - hearted send - up . " scream 2 " bounces all over the place stylistically  but it does a better job delivering the genuine scares and asking the questions about media violence that were only hinted at in the first installment . i ', m not sure which is the better movie  but i did leave the theater convinced of one thing : sequels  however much randy might argue  do not necessarily suck .
pos the full monty is a whole lot of fun  its wacky  witty  and original . it ', s written and directed by relatively unknowns  simon beaufoy and peter cattaneo  who both turned up oscar nominations . how did this movie with a budget under 10 million gross over 175 million worldwide ? its been rumored that this film may be the second most profitable movie of the year ! and to think its about male exotic dancers  and not sinking ships . six steel workers who have been recently been laid off and are all looking for jobs . inspired by the success of a chippendale ', s production  gaz ( robert carlyle ) decides they should all put on a strip show to make some money quickly . as the six team up to put on the show of their lives  they run into a few problems . for instance  dave ( mark addy ) is worried about his weight  horse ( paul barber ) thinks he may be inadequate  and gerald ( tom wilkinson ) is worried about his reputation and timing . so when the night of the show comes  will the men be able to do the " full monty " ? as i said before this is a fun movie  and not just that its really artistically good . the writing and direction are great . the acting is appealing  all the performances have a human quality to them  so you can relate to at least one of the characters . the full monty received four oscar nominations including best picture . which left me wondering one thing  why didn ', t trainspotting get a best picture nomination last year ? while the full monty is a great lighthearted comedy  it doesn ', t carry the social impact of the brilliant trainspotting . still  the full monty is a great film  a must see !
pos with the release of gattaca  i began to wonder why all science fiction films deal with destructive aliens  or aliens in general . hollywood has given audiences plenty of thrills with those alien films  but what was usually lacking was a good story . . . and good characters . . . and good acting  etc ( contact being the exception ) . and for some reason  hollywood has never taken a look at the aliens here on earth . the closest  that i have seen anyway  was 2001 : a space odyssey  which made mankind an alien race themselves  being dwarfed by the technology which they created . now comes gattaca  another film about technology reigning supreme  except here on our planet . the difference between 2001 and this one is simple : gattaca is more frightening . most of the concepts of this movie are based on recent discoveries in genetic engineering . using this premise  writer / director andrew niccol creates some genuine suspense and thrills . unfortunately  due to a lack of advertising  i fear gattaca may fair horribly at the box office . since seeing the film  i have been asking people if they have seen gattaca . lately  however  i have been asking them if they have even heard of gattaca . most people don ', t even realize that it is a film . despite this fact  i surely hope that the audience members who have seen this film will tell their friends about it . niccol ', s film deserves more than what independence day made because it is smarter  better produced  and more realistic . gattaca begins in the 21st century . procreating is now done in a petri dish  and genetic engineering is the normal way of doing it . natural child birth is considered old - fashioned . we are introduced to jerome morrow ( ethan hawke )  an employee of the gattaca space program . one of the directors of the program has been murdered  and the main suspect is one vincent freeman . the only problem is that jerome morrow is vincent freeman . vincent was born the natural way when his parents decided on bringing their first child into the world through love . however  after his birth  and through several genetic tests  doctors tell his parents that he will have a 99 % chance of a weak heart  as well as poor eye sight and a short life span . as a result  both parents decide to bring their next baby into the world via genetics . anton ( loren dean ) is produced without flaws  and the competition between brothers spawns . vincent has a dream to fly a solo - flight around the titan  the 14th moon of saturn  but because of his condition  gattaca  and society in general  forces him to do menial labor around the company . labeled an " in - valid  " vincent ', s dream seems impossible  until he meets a black - market dna specialist  german ( tony shalhoub ) . german introduces him to a " valid " who has been paralized from the waste down due to an automobile accident . jerome morrow ( jude law ) agrees to give vincent all the proper identification tools ( urine  blood  skin and hair samples  etc . ) that he will need to get past gattaca ', s tight security . in exchange  vincent will provide jerome with the rent money and friendship . after the murder  however  his dreams are put at risk due to one of vincent ', s eyelashes left at the scene of the crime . irene cassini ( uma thurman ) is a genetically flawed " valid " working for gattaca  and she begins to fall in love with vincent / jerome . gattaca is one of the best science fiction films i have seen in a long time . only two other intelligent science fiction films have come out in the past two years ( contact and the arrival ) and gattaca will rank among them . unfortunately  whenever one intelligent film comes out against special effects - laden films  it normally gets buried . the second best thing about gattaca is the production design by jan roelfs . the orange glow of gattaca ', s scenes are impressive  but the sets deserve most of the credit . the sets are very well done  creating a futuristic sense  but not too futuristic as to alienate viewers . as we look at the designs  we realize that these buildings aren ', t too far into the future . this brings the plot even more credibility as genetic engineering becomes more possible by every passing day . the best thing  however  is the plot . the story is more than your average sci - fi / thriller . at its heart  it develops a theme which is never overpowering but is always present . perhaps niccol is warning our race about the changes genetic tampering could bring . would our society become a bunch of soulless zombies ? maybe human nature is a result of mankind ', s flaws . if we get rid of flaws  do we get rid of dreams as well ? niccol ', s intelligent script handles all these questions extremely well  and the result is an incredibly smart thriller set against a dramatic story  or vice versa . the power of the actors brings a lot of credibility to flat characters . while flat may sound like a poor job on niccol ', s part  it actually enhances the meaning behind the story . ethan hawke has developed into a handsome adult actor  giving his best performance of his lifetime so far . his curiosity and motivation pushes his character past all the discouraging remarks from his parents and " valid " peers . uma thurman is . . . well  uma thurman . her character is slightly underdeveloped  but the story isn ', t about her . however  thurman gives a lot of depth to the flat character . jude law gives the most complex performance of the film with the most disturbingly realistic character . he provides several nice touches  and his final scene is a very touching and heartwrenching one . loren dean gives a nice performance in his well - developed character . dean is also responsible for some of the most suspenseful scenes in the movie . alan arkin portrays one of the detectives with a little less more excitement than with his psychiatrist in grosse pointe blank . still  he does a good job . gore vidal and xander berkeley both provide some very good supporting roles  and berkeley also gives a heartfelt discussion towards the end of the film . gattaca is rated pg - 13 for brief violent images  language  some sexuality  and nudity . despite the somber and desolate mood of the entire film  i wasn ', t exactly prepared for the ending which left me feeling empty . it turned me off slightly  but then i realized that everything turned out the way it should have . if this had been a typical hollywood film  it would have ended much differently . however  with all the mindless science fiction films out there  it is nice to have a film which doesn ', t talk down to its audience ( i especially like the ironic title and how it consists of the four letters which make up the genetic coding : g  t  c  and a ) . instead  it provides some much needed entertainment which gives us science fiction fanatics just what we want : a science fiction film with morals behind it . whatever happened to giving the audience a lesson while entertaining ? hopefully more writers and directors will learn from gattaca . . . and hopefully audiences will too . p . s . personal note to p . j . gladnick : how dare you call this film the worst film of the year . i can ', t even begin to image what film you do like . that frightens me beyond anything .
pos it must be some sort of warped critical nightmare : the best movie of the year would be a summer vehicle  a jim carrey vehicle at that . and so it is . _the truman show_ is the most perplexing  crazed  paranoid and rib - tickling morality play i ', ve seen since i - don ', t - know - when . don ', t credit carrey . it starts with andrew niccol ( gattaca )  who created the script ten years ago . the story  replete with sublte religious and philisophical undertones  is about a man who discovers that every day of his existence has been televised for a mass audience . ( ironically  it was within these past ten years that " reality - based " television have become a predominant fixture into our culture . who knew ? ) one - upping niccol  it was when unlikely candidate - director peter weir took the helm that things fell into place . weir had the nearly impossible task to create the unimitible tone  deftly mixing capra with kafka  throwing george bailey in a universe inhabited by rod serling . it was weir ', s first stroke of genius to create seahaven : a suburban paradise / prison that would make spielberg cower in shame . for example  bystander - extras would walk around the block incessantly with flowers along with the latest issue of _dog fancy_ . the nicest touch are the plethora of subtle hints for truman to _not_ leave the island . credit weir for his second stroke : the casting of carrey . carrey seems to be the type of character actor who would always turn " on " and act goofy whenever the camera is near . not here . his performance is so subverted you sometimes wonder if he is ever aware the camera is on . and although carrey does not deserve an academy award nomination ( just as well  the academy rarely honors goofy comedians  excepting robin williams )  he stretches enough to alter his hyper - silly image considerably . playing one who has the cameras constantly invading his most intimate moments turns to be quite the role of jim carrey ', s life . no pun intended . better in a smaller  more pivotal role is ed harris as christof  who mixes the right amount of his apollo 13 " work the problem  people " character with dustin hoffman ', s megaglomaniac producer in _wag the dog_  and then only slightly svengalian . it is clear that he is torn between the nielson ratings and truman ', s well being . yes  in his own misguided way he loves truman as a father to a son  and has provided the best universe he could provide . he thinks . rounding out the cast is natascha mcelhone ( mrs . dalloway ) as carrey ', s true " forbidden love "  sylvia  very effective in another pivotal small role . laura linney ( congo ) and noah emmerich ( copland ) have the unfortunate task of playing truman ', s wife and best friend ; their sitcom - ish dialogue allow little room for any authentic character development . the exception is at the very beginning  where they speak into the camera  wholeheartedly believing that their participation is truly good for truman  and for society in general . there are other little problems with the script . are we to assume that toddler truman had no recollection of hearing the construction of such a gigantic dome during his formative years ? was there any reason as to why in one scene  it rained solely on truman  even though it never had to ? how is it they hire hundreds of extras  and none of them could drive a boat  and yet truman  fearful of water  is helming a sailboat effortlessly ? and couldn ', t christof have turned off the wind  to strand truman at sea ? these little contrivances  however  do not hold a candle to the overall effect of the work . the audience gets the feeling that it is watching the actual show  and we are drawn to truman ', s mundane existence for no other reason than it is there . the final result effortlessly combines the emotional happy ending of a mainstream picture with a gnawing discomfort that hits you square in the gut . upon leaving the theater  i was looking up in the sky  wondering if it was nothing more than a gigantic dome . just checking .
pos now  lets first look into the history of shark films . there was the unforgettable jaws . the exciting jaws 2 . the rather flaky jaws 3d and sometime in the late 90s another film of the same genre that i can ', t seem to recall ( about the son of jaws returning to wreak revenge or something like that ) . now  with the magic of cgi  one shark is simply not enough ; in deep blue sea  there are 3 big  mean and really smart ones ! russell frankiln ( jackson ) visits aquatica ( a sea - bound research center )  where a research is being conducted on the extraction of a hormone substance found uniquely within the shark brain that can cure and reverse the effects of alzheimer ', s disease . the substance is small in quantity and because of this  lead researcher dr . susan macalaester genetically alters the shark dna and grows them twice the size with brains as big as humans  naturally producing more of the much treasured hormones . as sure as the sun sets in the west  a shark breaks lose and wreaks havoc within the facility during a hormone extraction procedure . with the flexibility offered by cgi  the sharks get more full - length screen time as their predecessors did in those remote - controlled rubber suit days . gone are the days of people getting pulled under the water with the water turning red right after . this time  we get to see the entire gobbling action  with floating limbs and all . so - so acting  expected in most of your average action film . jackson ( fresh from his jedi master role in the phantom menace )  takes on the dark - side force of a different kind and fits well with his wise - cracking lines . ll cool j ', s cook role as preacher  does for this film what steven seagal ', s cook could only dream to achieve in his two under siege films . deep blue sea does not offer any of the psychological thrills that jaws has to offer . it does however  prove to be a refreshing follow - up within the genre  full of visual thrills  suspense and believe it or not \x05 humour ! its like jurassic park under water . nothing too stressful  pure entertainment . renny harlin  you are forgiven ( for making cutthroat island ) .
pos this is the best british gangster film since the long good friday . jon bennet ( played by andrew howard ) is an extremely good assassin . as such he is probably an evil man but it does not worry him . he has become an unquestioning weapon . he is in the employ of a kingpin ( david calder ) far more evil than he is . but even assassins have innocent pasts . he runs into an old from school days and he is married to a mutual girl friend from school . complicating matters is that they live near where he had a recent job and their young daughter may have seen him at the crime . a big piece of what makes this film work is the depiction of the kingpin . calder is a familiar actor in britain  though not frequently seen in the us . he was seen in the world is not enough . here he creates one of the best screen villains in recent years . he is at once seductive and repellent like a beautiful venomous snake . his lair is underground  apparently in a sewer  where he lives like the king of sewer rats . it is the kingpin who pulls the strings that will control bennet ', s life . paul sarossy who directs spent most of his career as a cinematographer and like the kingpin ', s lair  he has molded images of class and style out of the darkness . by using semi - darkness and letting the colors of deep blue and black dominate every scene he makes the film visually as ominous as anything in this nether world . this is a world that is cold and unfriendly . sorossy creates a world of violence much more by what we hear than what we see . this is a film with a great deal of physical violence occurring just out of reach . we see very little but we hear a great deal more and we imagine more than that . the screenplay is by peter waddington based on the novel by neil cross  but it is sarossy ', s film all the way . it creates indelible images of evil . i rate it an 8 on the 0 to 10 scale and a low + 3 on the - 4 to + 4 scale . ( i do hope they do not use the tagline " don ', t mess with mr . in - between . " )
pos produced by robert lantos & stephen j . roth directed by douglas williams mpaa : not rated ( though from language  violence  medical - gross - outs  and sexual content  i ', d put it at pg ) though made in canada  " overdrawn at the memory bank " traces its roots to the bbc school of film production . using  for the most part  cheap computer and video special effects  chyron text  wildlife documentary footage  and sets that are sometimes obviously faked up  it nonetheless manages to tell a good enough science fiction story that by the time you ', re twenty minutes into it  you should be hooked . raul julia plays aram fingal  a drone data processing worker for novicorp whose active imagination and predilection for hacking gets him into trouble with authority . caught watching " casablanca " on his desk monitor  fingal is sentenced to " doppling " rehabilitation -- he is to spend forty - eight hours in the body of a baboon . ( how exactly this is supposed to rehabilitate him is anybody ', s guess . ) as it happens  thanks to a visiting schoolboy ', s prank  his body is temporarily misplaced  and his mind has to be shunted into the central computer to keep him alive until they can find it . as time ticks away before his memory cube self - destructs  the frantic search for his body is on . . . while fingal first creates a virtual reality fantasy world  then finds there ', s no better way to hack the system than from the inside . during the chaos  computer technician apollonia james ( linda griffiths ) maintains contact with fingal through a datalink  manifesting several different times to offer advice or warnings . over the course of their interactions  interest on both their parts grows into a budding romance . given that " casablanca " is fingal ', s favorite film  and the basis for his fantasy world  a great deal of the movie is homage to " casablanca " . in fact  the humphrey bogart and peter lorre characters make appearances ( played by julia in a dual role and louis negin  respectively ) in a bar called " the place " . julia ', s portrayal of bogart is passable  and avoids becoming the " schweethaat " - spouting parody seen in cartoons . negin ', s peter lorre is quite credible  and easily the best peter lorre i ', ve ever seen who wasn ', t the real thing . the two of them  as characters created by fingal ', s imagination  serve as aspects of his personality  driving him on in his quest to hack the computer system . those aren ', t the only casablanca characters to put in appearances . the sydney greenstreet character also happens to be around . . . as " the fat man "  the alternate aspect of the film ', s main villain  the novicorp chairman ( donald c . moore ) . while fingal ', s body is lost  the fat man tries to stop him from hacking the system . . . with less than salutory results . it ', s interesting to note the futuristic slang words that are thrown about left and right during the film  in the best golden - age science fiction tradition . words like " dopple "  " psychist "  " computech "  " cinema "  and " reconst " are apparently in common use . and while people of today may well laugh at fourteen years past ', s idea of futuristic data processing clerks  some aspects of this film are surprisingly perfectly in keeping with the way we think of " virtual reality " today . as cyberpunk films go  this may not be a staple of the genre  but it ', s definitely recommended viewing . the special effects are very primitive  placing this production in the realm of low - to - medium - budget television . the music is completely electronic - synthesized  which fits the low budget but isn ', t really out of keeping with the genre . however  the writing quite makes up for it . there are some very funny moments  and quite a few little in - jokes that one needs to have seen " casablanca " to appreciate properly . all in all  i give " overdrawn at the memory bank " a .
pos i remember hearing about this film when it first appeared at cannes over a year ago  picking up the grand jury prize at the festival . ', holocaust comedy receives standing ovation ',  the headlines read . intrigued by this statement  i looked up information on the film and found that  sure enough  life is beautiful is in fact a comedy about the greatest atrocity of the last thousand years . even though the movie was extremely well - received by critics and public alike  i couldn ', t help but be disgusted at this notion ; human tragedy is not something i feel should be celebrated . only now do i see the error of my ways . after finally viewing the film for myself after avoiding it for some time  it became clear that it is not  as the headlines proclaimed  a " holocaust comedy " ; on the contrary  life is beautiful does not even really depict the graphic events that took place in nazi deathcamps . rather  it focuses on the relationship between a father and his son  who he is trying desperately to shield from the horrors of their situation . roberto benigni ( who also wrote and directed the movie ) stars as guido orefice  a chaplin - inspired clown and all round jolly guy who  as the film opens  is vying for the affections of an attractive school teacher ( nicoletta braschi  benigni real life spouse ) . through the course of the first hour or so  we see guido striving to get the attention of this " beautiful princess "  as he calls her . employing the magic of laughter  the italian comedian wins her heart and together  they raise a young boy named giosue ( child actor giorgio cantarini ) . life treats them well until hitler ', s minions rise to power  and the family is whisked away to a german camp  where guido becomes convinced that he must upholds his son ', s innocence no matter what the sacrifice . granted  it contains some uproariously funny moments both in and out of the concentration camp  but it does not pull a " hogan ', s heros " and make light of the slaughtering of some six million innocent jews . somehow  it achieves hilarity without disrespecting it ', s gravely serious subject . so  we ', ve established that life is beautiful is not a " holocaust comedy " . but  there is another complete misrepresentation of this material that really disturbs me . the film  despite critic ', s declarations of it being a " triumph of the human spirit "  is no such thing ; not in my eyes  anyway . some have called the story an " affirmation of the beauty of life "  but i say it is a very dark and bleak statement about man ', s capability of denial masquerading as an endearing comedy . the film ', s ending has been recognized as the most entirely uplifting moment of any film released recently  but i found it to be truly discerning and upsetting . essentially  life is beautiful is quite possibly the greatest hoax in the history of film . however  i am not denying the movie ', s greatness . believe me  it ', s fantastic . i ', m just saying that i think benigni did something different than what most people are interpreting it as . but perhaps i ', m reading more into the movie than is really there . maybe the film ', s brilliance relies on the idea that the viewer can interpret the meaning of it in any way they see fit . in fact  maybe roberto benigni has made a film that is the sole argument for the old saying that you get out of a movie exactly what you put into it .
pos most movies seem to release a third movie just so it can be called a trilogy . rocky iii seems to kind of fit in that category  but manages to be slightly unique . the rocky formula of " rocky loses fight / rocky trains / rocky wins fight " is carried out to the letter . also the ', tradition ', of showing the last five minutes or so from the past rocky film is used as well . this movie begins with a series of clips showing how famous rocky ( sylvester stallone ) has become . . . even showing a brief appearance on sesame street ! ! then it moves on with rocky being in a fixed fight with thunderlips ( hulk hogan ) . a mysterious bad - ass known as clubber lang ( mr . t ) trash - talks to rocky about his stupid decision to retire from boxing and that he " pities the fool " for not coming out and fighting him outright . rocky ', s trainer ( burgess meredith ) tells rocky not to fight  but the italian stallion doesn ', t listen . naturally  he gets his ass kicked . somewhere along the line after this several things happen . rocky ', s longtime trainer dies  causing rocky to train with his former opponent apollo creed . rocky ', s wife complains to her husband that he should fight . the final fight ensues between clubber and rocky . guess who wins ? the winner ', s name rhymes with ', smocky ', . the movie is entertaning mainly because of clubber lang ', s over the top performance . the dramatic aspect has been toned down considerably since rocky ii and now action seems to be the strong point of the film . which is good if you like fighting scenes . the last match is quite decent actually . if you liked the previous films  rent this one . it ', s well worth seeing if you are a fan of the series . but if you can ', t stand rocky shouting " adrianne ! ! ! " one more time  see something else .
pos review : a dog of flanders is the story of an adorable little boy named nello and his trials and tribulations in 19th century flanders . living with his grandfather jehan ( jack warden ) in poverty  nello finds happiness in his life in spite of difficult times ( they are renting a spare one - room cottage  and the greedy  malevolent landlord who owns it threatens to throw them ` out of the house ', if they don ', t pay the rent ) . nello also has a rather creative talent for drawing some of the most beautiful pictures that i have ever seen  in either a movie or in real life . ( his hero is peter paul rubens  the great flemish painter of the 17th century . ) not that these are the only things that make nello ', s life happy  however . he has a dog of flanders  whom he names patrasche  who is a heroic rin - tin - tin of the 19th century  whom he rescues from his cruel  unkind master . in addition  he even has a best friend ( and future sweetheart ) in the lovely  wealthy aloise  whose father strongly disapproves of her hanging out with ` lower - class ', nello . ( he thinks he ', s not good enough for her  and he would hate the idea of the two kids marrying . ) but then  he was a poor guy himself before he married ( as mentioned later on in the film ) . one day  nello encounters a mysterious  yet kindhearted artist named michel la grande ( played wonderfully by jon voight )  who tells the boy to keep drawing from his heart  and that perhaps one day he might land a career in being an artist . and every christmas  there is a contest on which is the most beautiful painting of the year ; the winner getting a lot of money . eager to save his home ( and his aging  dying grandfather )  nello willingly decides to become an artist  asking aloise to pose for him . one night  the two travel to a circus  where they have their fortune told ? one of the film ', s most delightful scenes ? that great happiness is destined for them . she gives the kids a ring  whom nello places on aloise ', s hand . ; ) afterwards  the two kids have a rollickingly good time dancing around in front of circus performers . unfortunately  things are not all ` la - dee - dah ', in this tale . aloise ', s father finally becomes so angry with nello that he forbids him to ever see aloise again . bad enough that they can ', t see each other ( although we know nello and aloise  don ', t we ? )  but that ', s only the start of nello ', s troubles . aloise ', s farm is burned down  and nello is wrongfully accused ( by the landord of his cottage ) for starting the fire in order to take revenge on being forbidden to see aloise . this decreases nello ', s reputation around the town  save aloise and her parents  and a kindly miller  william  who is very sweet to nello every time he drops by . matters get much worse for nello when his grandfather dies  and he has to pay for his funeral . but then things really get nasty when the landlord exiles nello from his own home ( for not paying his rental ) ? permanetly . this means that nello and patrasche have to starve and walk out in the cold  freezing wind . worst of all  the painting that he has desperately been working on during all this time  ` the portrait of the princess ',  fails to win the prize at the festival . now nello and patrasche are really depressed  and close to freezing to death . will nello be able to find any happiness in his life ? will patrasche save the day ? will nello make the fateful trip to join his mother and grandfather in paradise ? a dog of flanders is a delightful  heartwarming family film that is sure to entertain kids of all ages . even older ones who consider themselves too ` sophisticated ', for kiddie fare will be surprised to hear that this film is for grown - ups  too . there have been other movies of this ilk ( boy and dog )  and while this one falls into that category  it is mostly a story about overcoming difficulties and finding a good home for yourself . move over ? or rather  roll over ? old yeller  this dog of flanders is a heartwarming delight . the cinematography  courtesy of walther van den ende is beautiful  and really adds to the powerful drama of the film . it also gives a feel of being in flanders ( the whole film was respectably shot in flanders ) . the music from richard friedman is also remarkable ; an evocative  poignant score that recaptures music from the 19th century . the opening song over the credits is very beautiful ( i hope the soundtrack is available ! )  and there ', s a brief excerpt of ` cheer up  charlie ', from willy wonka and the chocolate factory ( sung by aloise  to nello  in another delightful scene ) . the cast is first - rate : jesse james and jeremy james kissner  who play nello  are some of the most endearing  adorable young stars i have ever seen in my whole life ( so are the girls who play aloise  madyline sweeten as the younger  and farren monet as the older ) . not that they are the only good stars  however . jack warden is ideal as jehan  eliciting just the right amount of humor and compassion required for the character . ( the scenes involving him and nello are heartwarming  touching ones . ) also  bruce mcgill is charming as the kindly miller william . he ', s another one of my favorite characters in the film . but jon voight  as i mentioned before  is the perfect choice for michel . he brings a mysterious  yet gentle performance that makes us all feel good again when he reassures insecure nello that he * can * win the contest . but what makes this film fun to watch is how well - defined the characters are  and the pace of the story ( best of all  it has a happy ending ? though i will * not * give it away ; sorry ) is strong and powerful enough for us to identify with the characters . for the first time since the beginning of 1999  there comes a film which doesn ', t rely on popular formula stuff  such as big - budget special effects  commercial rock soundtracks  or any of that stuff . this one relies on telling a fully character - oriented story  with just the right amount of heart  humor  and drama . that  to me  is what makes a dog of flanders all the more delightful . eleanor o ', sullivan of ` the home news & tribune ', noticed this  and was kind and generous enough to welcome it : ` for want of a better word  a glow surrounds a dog of flanders . its heart is in the right place and it engages you . you can guess where the film is going because this is well - traveled territory  but with pros like voight and appealing young performers like kissner  an often - told story is well worth a revisit . ', in addition  there were a couple of other enthusiasts  such as chicago - sun times and the washington post ( you should read their reviews ; they ', re really positive ) . other critics  however  were not so kind . stephen holden of ` the new york times ', had more than a share of beatings to lay upon a dog of flanders via pen writing . he found the film to be a ` sea of sugary bromides ', and condemned mr . voight ', s character as ` hopelessly wooden ? adopts an accent even more indeterminate than the one he came up with for anaconda . ', in addition  ` entertainment weekly ', slam - dunked the film  condemning it as ` the worst family film of the year . ', there have been so many other bad reviews like this  too . my suggestion : disregard the critics . they just have a big problem with touching family films  and one should never pay attention to them . this dog of flanders may only be a little ` family ', movie ( it probably won ', t be a big hit in the style of titanic  but then again no other film has been since then )  but that is not a bad thing in and of itself . this is a story that is sure to warm your heart  and that is what really matters about a dog of flanders . it is also one of the better family films around this year . none of the other films i have seen this year ( though they were good ) have been so low - key and touching . if you ', re looking for family - style entertainment  look no further than this charming boy - and - dog yarn . go see it while you still can  for as i mentioned  it might not be a big bow - wow at the box office for a long time . see it while you can . there is really no need to compare a multi - million dollar blockbuster such as star wars : episode i ? the phantom menace or tarzan  or even the iron giant with a tender  sweet little family movie .
pos do film critics have morals ? are there any unwritten laws an ethical movie critic would or should follow ? naturally we don ', t want to go into a film with any preconceived notions  which is pretty tough but something we all have to accomplish . secondly  and along the same line  we can ', t prejudge a film because of it ', s stars  director  etc . the difference ? well  in the first one  we ', d go into a film thinking it ', s going to be dumb or it ', s going to be good  and that would affect our viewing ( that movie sounds and looks dumb  so i ', m not expecting much ) . on the second hand  we ', re simply assuming it will be bad or good because of a personal " grudge " against the film company ( it ', s made by disney ? oh  it ', s just a merchandising ploy then )  the actors ( jim carrey ', s in it ? it ', s gonna stink ! )  or the director ( who ? can ', t be that good ) . this is more of a biased viewpoint as opposed to a first impression viewpoint . make sense ? ok  but what about comparing ? isn ', t that kind of along the same lines ? when we compare a certain actor or director or even composer ', s credibility in one film to another they were involved in  is that really fair ? sure  in sequels you can expect and accept comparisons a lot more  but what about jackie brown  for example ? is it fair for me to take the review and turn it into a comparison of pulp fiction  just because quentin tarantino directed and wrote the screenplay for both ? i think it is  and i ', ll tell you why . a good critic should be able to view the film from the " average joe ( or jane ) " viewpoint  while still taking into account the artistic integrity behind the film . sometimes that can be tough . " the acting was superb  but i was bored " or " i loved it ! ! it was sooooo cheezy ! " might be used to describe a film . these are contradictions  and a critic has to weigh both sides and come to a suitable balanced critique . but which is more important ? and which is better ? an extremely well shot and acted film that is boring  or a really amateurish film that you wanna go back to again and again ? getting back to the point  my philosophy on comparing films being fair works because we ', re reflecting what the public wants to know anyway . every average person out there who ', s interested in this film is likely to ask " how does it compare to pulp fiction ? " and so  as a critic  i ', m already responsible to ask that same question . jackie brown stars pam grier  the " blaxploitation " heroine from the 1970 ', s  who is likely to make a big comeback thanks to her role as the title character . tarantino ', s pulp fiction is in big part responsible for john travolta ', s sudden revival in the movie industry  and with talks of an oscar nomination  the same is likely to happen for grier . ( we ', ve made it thru comparison # 1 ! ) jackie is a 44 - year - old airline stewardess who brings in extra cash  and probably her main revenue  by smuggling large sums of money into the united states for ordell robbie ( pulp fiction ', s samuel l . jackson and comparison # 2 ) . ordell is in the illegal firearms business and has enlisted the aid of louis gara ( robert de niro )  a bank robber who just got out of prison after serving four years  to help him accomplish a scheme worth a half - million dollars . trouble arises when jackie is stopped by atf agent ray nicolet ( michael keaton ) and taken into custody for possession of narcotics  as well as having more money than is allowed in an airport without being claimed . naturally this proves an obstacle to ordell ', s plans and  not as friendly intended as we ', d hope  he posts jackie ', s bail after she is put behind bars . the thing is  ordell is in this for no one more than himself  and as we learn from his previous actions  he ', s willing to kill anyone who stands in the way . jackie finds herself in a tight squeeze . ordell won ', t think twice about taking her out if she fails to help him as she ', s always done  yet at the same time  a compromise with the authorities would be in order if evidence against ordell was provided . it comes down to a simple question : would jackie rather face ordell or prison ? what ensues is a rich and intriguing example of storytelling as we question who jackie is really out to help : the law  ordell  or maybe just herself . coming into play is another 70 ', s veteran  robert forster as jackie ', s bail bondsmen max cherry . max ', s obvious fondness for jackie will become a major benefactor in her fight to beat both sides of the system  and forster plays him with subtle charm that adds depth to unbrewed romance . also involved is ordell ', s " surfer girl " girlfriend melanie ( bridget fonda )  a ditzy sun - bleached babe who spends her time watching tv with a bong in hand . fonda does the best she can with an essentially thin role  but there ', s nothing more to her  and therefore  she becomes a tossable addition to an otherwise flourishing bouquet of characters . de niro is also wasted in his role as a quiet nobody crook out to score a few bucks for himself . de niro is a brilliant actor  but a character who hardly ever speaks doesn ', t need a de niro to play him . compared to pulp fiction ( comparison # 3 )  the characters in jackie brown and very thin and replaceable . in pulp fiction  even the small  seemingly irrelevant characters were wonderful  complete  and lifelike  whereas jackie brown has such common figures that it wouldn ', t have suffered much with a lesser talented cast  the exception being grier . tarantino wrote this script with grier specifically in mind  so to say that she is made for this role is a reversed truth . sadly  grier too could have received a bit more attention  especially when the story is all about her newly - jarred perception of life . jackson teams up with tarantino again  but the chemical reaction isn ', t as awesome as the first time . jules was the rambling  bible - quoting hitman in pulp fiction  and jackson is the only person who could have pulled it off . and although jackson is really  really good in jackie brown  i don ', t think he ', s quite as irreplaceable . in fact  maybe a new face would have been better . jackson could ', ve remained tarantino ', s jules  and a new guy could have become ordell  forever to remain so in our memories . sadly  these characters are too much the same  except ordell just isn ', t as impressive  and putting this in the hands of jackson once again is only going to deter from our fond recollections of jules . another problem is that ordell is way too focused on in the beginning . this is grier ', s film  so why spend so long getting to know a man who will become more of a supporting character as the film progresses ? it not only makes the movie feel a little too slanted  but it makes for a slow beginning because we have to take longer getting to the meat of the story . it is likely that those pouring into the theater to see this film are going to be those anxious to partake of tarantino ', s quirky dialogue and eccentric directing style  and not so much those interested in seeing a silver screen adaption of elmore leonard ', s novel " rum punch " . for those movie - goers  don ', t expect another pulp fiction and you ', ll be satisfied  for the script oozes with the familiar brash qualities that has made tarantino an icon of 90 ', s film - making . the directing has toned down a bit  however  yet we ', re still reminded that this is tarantino ', s movie thanks to odd split - screen story - telling devices and scenes being replayed multiple times from different viewpoints . so getting back to the question that i began with  this isn ', t pulp fiction at all . it ', s good  but it isn ', t anything that made pulp fiction such a revolutionary effort in the first place . this is a more conservative tarantino  but not one that won ', t satiate true fans . if you can realize that this isn ', t going to knock your socks off  then you ', ll be happy to at least let it massage your feet . after all  we all know how much tarantino loves that particular part of the human anatomy .
pos synopsis : retiring detective jerry black ( nicholson ) becomes involved in the case of a murdered girl  and promises her parents that he will find the killer . he purchases a gas station on a route he believes the killer takes  and there befriends lori ( wright penn ) and her young daughter . as jerry and lori fall in love  can he do what must be done to fulfill his pledge ? review : at first  " the pledge " appears to be just another standard  if well - executed  crime drama . it is anything but ; in its final hour  it turns the corner and becomes a riveting  terrifying study of its lead character  jerry black . penn pays attention to all the trappings of the serial killer genre  but they are just window dressing . his interest here  unequivocally  is jerry  a man so haunted by his pledge that it consumes the entirety of the his existence . at first  we see this only in small hints ; some of his habits change  for instance  and he suddenly takes up smoking in a big way . but then  when jerry buys the gas station and befriends lori  the true extent of his mania draws horrifyingly into focus . nicholson is fantastic  portraying black with rare subtlety and animus ; jerry ', s gradual descent into obsession is like a car wreck  a thing horrible to look at but impossible to turn away from . penn coaxes good supporting performances from much of the rest of his cast  too . only eckhart disappoints as jerry ', s replacement  stan ; he never seems entirely convincing  too much a tool of the plot . penn ', s direction is astounding  each frame looking as though it is parched -- of water  perhaps  or of sanity . it all builds up to a shattering  devastating climax which lingers uncomfortably in the mind long after the house lights have come up .
pos one never quite knows what one is going to get with a mamet film . his american buffalo is a set - bound piece that has very little plot . sometimes he will tell a story that really moves . heist is mamet doing his most entertaining work . unlike his the spanish prisoner  there are no lapses in credibility . heist is probably the best mamet thriller since house of games . it is the kind of plot with which you are never sure who will double - cross whom  and frequently it is mamet double - crossing the viewer . watching the film ', s team getting around security the viewer is frequently asking himself either " what the heck are they doing ? " or " why didn ', t anybody think of that before ? " appropriately enough heist opens with a very clever jewelry store job . it is so clever that one wonders if mamet really thinks up all these ideas himself or if he has help from professional magician and con expert ricky jay  now a regular actor in mamet films . this is a robbery that works like a well - oiled machine . there is just one problem and it is enough to get joe moore ( played by gene hackman ) filmed on a security camera . now joe has to get out of the business . it was coming time anyway . joe ', s team including bobby blane ( delroy lindo )  fran moor ( rebecca pidgeon )  and pinky pincus ( ricky jay ) is going to split up and go separate ways . but crime boss bergman ( danny devito ) is pulling the strings and he says that joe and his people have to manage one more robbery . and he has to take along a young kid  the short - fused jimmy silk ( sam rockwell ) . immediately it is obvious that there is more going on than meets the eye . much of what distinguishes heist is mamet ', s dialog . remarkably it serves a double purpose . the robbery team sounds at once very professional and at the same time it has mamet ', s special feel for dialog . hackman has lines like " everybody needs money . that ', s why they call it money . " mamet ', s timing is perfect in the direction but terrible in the production . the plot is coincidentally a lot like the plot of the recent the score  which is  in fact  a very similar story . both are good films  perhaps for some of the same reasons . but at least on a high level they are much the same story . the other problem with the timing of heist is that it involves airport security and clever ways to get around them . i saw the film at the toronto international film festival on september 12  2001 . that made the subject matter just a little too timely . my understanding is that the release will be delayed . my biggest problem with the film is that rebecca pidgeon ', s acting at times seems very poor . it is some kind of mamet trademark i do not understand to have women talk without inflection  as if they are just reading the words for the first time . it is an irritation and distracts us from what is otherwise a very good thriller . it is one i rate an 8 on the 0 to 10 scale and a high + 2 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
pos [', contact ', shows why jodie foster is one of our best actresses . see contact with your family . it is a movie for all ages . -- a review by stuart cracraft contact starring : jodie foster  matthew mcconaughey  john hurt director : robert zemeckis star after a predictable mit phillip morrison powers - of - 10 zoom - out start ( which can be surprising to those not familiar with prof . morrison ', s work )  contact picks up steam  gradually  building  by - the - end  an irresistable juggernaut and a very good movie that does not as is so often the case fall out - of - balance in terms of too much pandering to the technological " geek " side . by the end  the audience is left with what good science fiction is supposed to do : evoke a sense of wonder about the universe and evoke questions in your mind about what ', s out there . this movie does not let technology overshadow characterization and in this sense it is unusual amongst high - tech movies . however  except for jodie foster ( elie arroway ) and john hurt ( s . r . hadden )  who are both actors of exceptional caliber  the supporting cast are not especially impressive . hurt certainly has had better roles ( stephen ward in scandal ) . this one  as the multi - billionare hadden  does not do his acting skills justice . this is clearly a foster movie by one of the great hollywood lights of our generation . foster ', s radiance has never been more strong than in the scene where she finally meets the vegans on their terms . early scenes take a long  long time to build up to this . the movie ', s pacing is very good and subtle . the panoramas of the radio dishes at arecibo and ceti in new mexico and puerto rico are beautiful . the politics of foster ', s character attempting to obtain funding for research at these places are trite and predictable however . one of the most entertaining  but very short scenes  is when foster is confronted by rob lowe  during a cabinet - level presidential meeting to discuss the alien invitation . there were real sparks in this scene between foster and lowe and it would behoove them to consider other vehicles in which this dynamism could be explored . it is the only scene in the movie in which there were tremendous dynamics between two characters . everything else was very one - sided ( e . g . foster ) . lowe can stand up to foster and it showed in that scene at the cabinet table . the core scene of the movie is set on a surrealistic beach on a far - away world in the starsystem of vega . it feels a lot like science fiction writer john varley ', s scenes in his book steel beach  where the female protagonists encounters an immensely superior intelligence  in one case a computer manufactured by mankind itself  and in foster ', s case  an illusion drawn from her memory . in another sense  this immensely moving scene evokes gene roddenberry ', s star trek pilot the cage  later the menagerie  when jeffrey hunter and susan oliver have their memories manipulated to create new worlds in which they live and encounter aliens . the concept is not new  by any sense  in the world of science fiction . but the beach scene  which is the centerpiece of the film  as is the whole film  is driven by foster . freed from her needs to direct by director zemecki  foster is able to let it all hang out in the characterization and the lead she provides to her supporting cast . as the movie gains speed  foster ', s acting intensifies and the audience really does experience it with her . it is certainly oscar - caliber acting  unquestionably . the supporting cast does well and zemeckis throws in some humor with some president clinton cameos  cleverly manipulated  george stephanopolus - style  to seem very forrest gump . in fact  zemeckis et . al . got in trouble for the usage of some of the footage seen in the movie  vis a vis clinton . but the audience i attended this movie with just had some good chuckles at clinton ', s walk - ons . the much - discussed tension between science and religion in this movie is not particularly insightful to those who have already gone through this course though it is helpful to those in the audience who have not . also  the near - final scene  in a senate judiciary hearing room is disappointing . contact is a fitting memorial to the memory of carl sagan  science popularizer  and sometime pedantic gadfly of the halls of academe . perhaps now  sagan can be said to be with his dragons of eden .
pos like the wonderful 1990 drama  " awakenings  " starring robin williams and robert de niro  " at first sight  " directed by irwin winkler  is inspired by a true story documented by physicfirst sight  " directed by irwin winkler  is inspired by a true story documented by physician oliver sacks . since " awakenings " was so very good  and made my top ten list the year it was released  " at first sight " is not quite as strong since it is not directed with as sure a hand as penny marshall  but is still an intelligent and vibrantly - acted drama . the film begins as amy ( mira sorvino )  a stressed - out new york architect  decides to take some time off and travel upstate to the country . at the hotel she is staying at  she makes a massage appointment and after a long  soothing session which ends with her crying as a release of emotions  she strikes up a conversation with the handsome masseur virgil ( val kilmer )  only to find out later that he is actually blind . amy doesn ', t really care if he has a handicap or not  and begins to spend time with him more and more until they finally start to fall in love . once she has returned to new york  amy begins to research on virgil ', s certain type of retinal blindness  which he has had since three years of age  and out of a stroke of luck  comes into contact with a doctor ( bruce davison ) who believes he can repair virgil ', s sight  even though there have only been thirty similar cases in history . at first reluctant  virgil finally travels with amy to nyc and agrees to the surgery  much to the hesitance of his overbearing  but loving older sister ( kelly mcgillis ) . ultimately  the surgery is a success  but problems arise since virgil cannot relate to what he sees  since he has never visually seen anything before  only touched objects . he moves into amy ', s apartment and she is eager to stand by him  but virgil ', s maladjustment begins to put a strain on their relationship . on the basis of the overall story  " at first sight " is indeed a film that has been done many times before  and owes a great deal to its predecessor  " awakenings . " what will happen throughout the film can also be easily telegraphed in advance . however  what helps " at first sight " rise above this predictability is in the mature and intelligent relationship that develops between virgil and amy . usually  romantic pictures are of the shameless puppy - dog sort ( the recent tom hanks / meg ryan - starrer " you ', ve got mail " immediately pops to mind )  but with this film  i grew to care more about the characters and their plight . the film starts off noticably well as amy travels up north and first meets virgil . the massaging sequences were strangely erotic  maybe even more so than the later actual " love scenes  " and as their romantic involvement quickly developed  the film was both entertaining and sweet  and there was clearly a lot of chemistry between the two . these joyous moments early on balanced out well with the later scenes in which their relationship is seriously tested due to a contrast in the life styles that they have always known  with virgil completely used to being blind and having a comforting  peaceful life in the country to amy ', s eventful life in the " big city . " the other major compliment that must be given to the film are the nearly flawless performances across the board . val kilmer  usually cast in the " macho " type of role  was always believable as a blind person  and playing his character was probably a little more tricky than it appears . it was up to kilmer to not come off as someone to pity  but to sympathize with  and he pulled it off . mira sorvino  who made a spectacular debuting splash in 1995 ', s hilarious woody allen comedy  " mighty aphrodite  " for which she won a well - deserved oscar as a kind - hearted  but ditzy hooker  is a standout here . although she has made some mediocre film choices since then ( 1997 ', s " mimic  " 1998 ', s " the replacement killers " )  she always has managed to come out unscathed  and it is with " at first sight " that she finally has another juicy role to play . in a truthful climactic scene set in amy ', s apartment between she and virgil  sorvino proves to be one of the most gifted young actresses around today  and has a flare for both comedic and dramatic pieces . kelly mcgillis  who could have easily come off as the " bad  " one - dimensional sister  instead is also given an unexpectedly multifaceted character to play as a woman who may be overly protective but simply cares for her brother . finally  nathan lane  who is usually a little too over - the - top  is appropriately restrained as a vision therapist . the one misstep of " at first sight " is in its treatment of the medical procedure done on virgil . very little is ever said or discussed concerning it  and when the surgery occurs  it is so briefly glimpsed at that it is impossible to see what is being done to his eyes . perhaps the reason this aspect of the film was not more in - depth was that the makers were afraid it would gross out audiences  but i would personally take realism  even if it is graphic  any day over simply giving the explanation of the surgery the cold shoulder . in " awakenings  " the patients and illness were far more satisfyingly portrayed . because of how strong the screenplay  written by steve levitt  is in the way it deals with the main relationship  and because of the fabulous performances from kilmer and sorvino  the film ', s few problems can be swept over to the side . the adult way that the romance is depicted by director irwin winkler is  no doubt  in respect to the real - life couple that the film was inspired by  who are still together after many years ( even though the setting of the film was changed to new york ) . since january is usually the time of year that is known as the dumping ground from bad movies  " at first sight " comes as a refreshing and sophisticated change of pace .
pos in the company of men made a splash at the sundance film festival because  in a year plagued by brothers mcmullen - style  earnestly shallow gen - x angst pictures  it seemed to be actually about something . it angered people  started arguments outside the theater  riled things up . it ignited a spark of excitement in what otherwise has been a disappointing year for independent film . having endured my share of the hype  i waited calmly for men to reach the hinterlands wherein i reside  and then checked in to see what all the fuss was about . does men live up to its press ? well  yes it does . and it may make you think twice before you consider dating anyone your office . for the uninitiated  newcomers aaron eckhart and matt malloy play chad and howard  two corporate drones who are dispatched by their nameless company to a remote branch office for a six week assignment . chad and howard are archetypes  examples of which you can no doubt find in your own place of business . chad is the blond golden boy  genetically engineered for success  the natural charmer who seems to glide effortlessly up the corporate ladder . howard is chad ', s boss  but he is weaker of will  the clumsy practitioner of office politics who has achieved his position through dogged persistence rather than raw talent . we first meet them awaiting their flight in a drab airport lounge . there chad suggests a scheme worthy of a shakespearean villain : he and howard will find a vulnerable single woman at the branch office  woo her simultaneously  win her love  and then dump her . the reason ? both men have recently been dumped themselves  and chad sees an easy route to revenge against the fairer sex . " it ', ll restore a little dignity to our lives  " he says . howard  helpless against the force of chad ', s will  agrees to the plan . they quickly spot their prey in the form of christine ( stacy edwards )  a fragile deaf woman working as a temp . chad moves in for the kill  flashing his golden boy smile  plying christine with lunch  then flowers  then dinner . howard follows suit  though his efforts are in contrast ham - handed and desperate . flattered to have the attention of two eligible men  christine dates them both . you can guess which one she falls for . soon a tragic lovers ', triangle develops : christine loves chad  chad loves himself  and howard loves christine on the grounds that  since she ', s handicapped and shy  she just might be wretched and lonely enough to settle for him . adult social interaction never really progresses beyond the level of junior high  does it ? in chad  writer / director labute and actor eckhart have created one of the most chilling monsters ever committed to film - hannibal lector may eat human flesh  but chad is an eater of souls . his evil is as subtle as a viper ', s  and as easy as his smile . we watch in stunned disbelief as he back - stabs coworkers  humiliates his subordinates  and works his deadly venom into christine ', s heart . his character would be a joke if he wasn ', t so chillingly real - all of us have worked with a chad  and some of us may be him . he ', s the guy who takes your job and then laughs at you for your weakness . if one of his co - workers should happen to go postal and walk into the office with a bag full of handguns  he had best have his escape route clearly in mind . politics is his game  and the modern cubicle - filled office is his playground . men wears the guise of a black comedy  but it functions best as allegory . the most controversial moment in the film happens when chad humiliates a black temp by asking him how badly he wants to succeed in the company  then forces him to prove it in a manner i won ', t describe . the scene is charged with racism and fraught with peril . could it happen in the real world ? probably not . taken as allegory  however  it is representative of the treatment of the meek by the powerful in all facets of society . maybe it ', s just the english major in me  but chad  in his motiveless cruelty towards christine and his careful manipulation of howard  can be seen as a symbol of unbridled capitalism  of greed without conscience . the entire film is a metaphor for social darwinism - only the strong will survive . the marvel of labute ', s multi - layered script is that it can disturb each member of its audience in an entirely different way . but does the film work as entertainment ? its darned funny in spots  particularly in the men ', s room scenes  which demonstrate the lengths to which guys will go to hold a conversation while engaged in the most basic of bodily functions . it works less well as drama  since by necessity the characters in an allegory tend to be flat ciphers . stacy edwards gives a measured dignity to christine  and succeeds in making us care for her  but by the end of the film we still know nothing about her . likewise  chad and howard are simply the sum of their actions . by the end of the film you ', ll feel as if you ', ve met a genuine monster in chad ; perhaps we can also classify men as a horror film . certainly those expecting a conventional hollywood resolution to the story will walk away disappointed . but the picture is often mesmerizing  and the script is a work of fine craftsmanship  which makes it well worth your time . like all good films  it offers a myriad of parallels to the outside world . while watching chad in his moment of triumph  i couldn ', t help but think that bill gates must have felt the same sort of cold  merciless satisfaction when he finally stuck it to steve jobs . there may be a little bit of chad in all of us  but some of us have taken chad - ness to the level of art .
pos the booming introduction music finishes  and the camera sweeps over red mountains . we see two figures looking over a barren  and very red landscape . they kiss  then walk on . one of the characters ( schwarzenegger ) slips  and falls . the glass on his mask cracks . his face scruches up  and his eye ', s begin to pop . . . . . then doug quaid  played by schwarzenegger  wakes up . it ', s all been a dream . he wakes up next to his beautiful wife  played by stone  and the film begins . . . total recall is a typical sci - fi film wrapped around an intresting ( if far fetched ) plot . quaid  who has never been to mars  keeps on having dreams of the planet  which has now been colanised . one day  while riding on a train  he ', s see ', s a ad for a company called ', rekall ',  which implants memories of a holiday  instead of you actually going there yourself . quaid chooses the ', secret agent on mars ', memory  and then the s * * * really hits the fan . the implant goes wrong  and quaid really thinks he is an agent on mars for about two minutes  until he goes back to normal and can ', t remember a thing . however  everyone he knows ( his workmates  his wife ) turn against him  saying how ', blabbed about mars ', and ', blew his cover on the mission ', a strange man  called richter  played by ironside  wants to kill him . quaid  now hopelessly confused  follows the advice given to him  by a ', friend ', . he get ', s his ass to mars . mars is ruled by cohagen  played by cox  who charges people for air . against him are the rebels  who are mainly mutants . the rebel ', s need quaid to defeat cohagen  because quaid knows ( but can ', t remember yet ) about a reactor that produces air . eventually  quaid kills cohagen  turns on the reactor  saves the planet  and goes away with a beautiful girl  just like the guy at rekall promised him . throughout this plot  there is huge explosions  thousands of deaths ( and i mean a lot of death ) swearing  sex  and everything else that make ', s a good verhoeven ( director of basic instinct and starship troopers ) movie . naturally  there ', s some pretty imaginative deaths  with arms getting ripped off  someone getting drilled  and heads exploding . as you can tell  it ', s violent stuff . but it ', s done so stylishly  and of course arnie tones it down with a one liner  that ', s it excusable . the acting is variable . arnie  of course  is useless  but he goes has some good lines  and in the first twenty minutes  he even act ', s like a normal bloke  not like some action hero . stone  of course  is useless  making a pretty poor wife  and a pretty poor action hero . but  she does sex scenes alright . ticoton ( most recently seen in con air )  again  is ok  doing some good action  but getting her emotions all wrong . one minute she hates quaid  the next she loves him  and she never gets this tranisition right . so  the good guys are awful . but  the bad guy ', s are excellent . cox is basically reprising robocop  but he ', s still great in this  and he delivers the best line in the whole film near the end . ironside is superbly evil  with an utterly emotionless face . the supporting cast are fine  and not even the comedy sidekick ( this time in the form of a taxi driver ) is annoying . one disappointing aspect  though  are the special effects . ilm and dreamquest do some good work ( such as a subway station scene ) but the model work is not so good . some of the model heads look appaling fake  and quatto is a major disappointment . another irritating thing is the product placement . there are a lot of plugs ( and a good mars today gag ) however  the sets look great  and the special effects at the end of the film aren ', t too bad either . there ', s also a good soundtrack running through  by jerry goldsmith ( the omen  poltergeist  star trek : the motion picture ) overall  then  total recall is a hugely violent  yet hugely enjoyable  action fest  with a reasonable plot thrown in there too  some great bad guys  and some imaganitive death . for a schwarzenegger movie  this is not bad at all . in fact  it ', s very good .
pos jonathan demme ', s _beloved_  based on the book toni morrison  is a study in skillful literary adaptation . on the one hand  the film manages to recreate key moments from the novel  evoking morrison ', s pragmatic narrative style without using her authorial voice . on the other hand  beloved omits the some of the finer details of the book  favoring an ambiguously defined back story upon which to build the story ', s main events . this choice is a smartly made one  for it creates an open space in which the story ', s wide range of emotions can gestate and grow . indeed  the impact of the film is so protracted that much of it cannot be felt until long after the end credits have rolled . _beloved_ takes place in the second half of the 19th century  during the so - called reconstruction era after the civil war . for newly - freed slaves  it is a time of confusion and turmoil . oprah winfrey is sethe  a slave who escaped a kentucky plantation and took her children to an ohio farmhouse  where she hoped the terror would end . what she did not know was that it would follow her there  and remain with her long after the physical threat had vanished . _beloved_ ultimately tells the story of sethe ', s search for forgiveness  one long - hampered by an unforgettable sin . the film starts off on a dreary day ten years after sethe ', s escape  as a violent  unseen energy rocks her dilapidated farmhouse . invisible hands terrorize her family  flinging objects across rooms  shaking tables  rattling floorboards . sethe ', s sons run away  perhaps for good  leaving sethe and her daughter denver to fend for themselves . demme ', s matter - of - fact handling of this supernatural element is just one of _beloved_ ', s intriguing aspects . all of the characters take for granted that ghosts are real . when paul d ( danny glover ) -- a former slave who escaped kentucky along with sethe -- arrives at the house eight years later and is confronted with the ghost ', s hellish visions  he doesn ', t run in terror . instead  he asks who the ghost is . as in morrison ', s novel  demme quickly establishes that the horror of the story will not come from the fact of the ghost itself  but from the terrifying past in which the ghost was created . sethe is the one being haunted  but the ghost in the house is the least of her fears . in fact  the ghost is one of the reasons she chooses to stay . the story takes an bizarre turn with the appearance of beloved ( thandie newton )  a young black - clad woman who appears on sethe ', s front lawn  leaned christ - like against a tree stump . sethe and denver immediately take to the rasping woman and try to nurse her to health . they know not who she is  but that doesn ', t matter . only paul d is suspicious of the stranger . little does the family know that beloved will bring about many changes  and force sethe to release a guilt she has held onto so urgently for eighteen years . winfrey is arguably beloved ', s greatest asset . she inhabits the role of sethe so convincingly it is hard to believe this is the same woman who shines brightly on a tv talk show . lisa gay hamilton does an impressive job in the emotionally demanding role as the younger sethe  whose appalling actions make her the disturbed woman we see eighteen years later . danny glover is affable as the sympathetic paul d  as is kimberly elise as denver  sethe ', s wanderlusting daughter . as sethe ', s sage - like mother - in - law old baby suggs  beah richards authoritatively commands every scene in which she appears . the film ', s least palatable choice of casting is unfortunately that of the role of beloved herself . thandie newton plays the glassy - eyed girl with a demented fervor which is endearing at first  but which becomes off - putting and unintentionally laughable by the end . departing from the honed aesthetic he used in such films as _the silence of the lambs_ and _melvin & howard_  director demme has used a bit of dramatic overstatement to get across the vivid descriptions in morrison ', s novel . totemic camera shots and color - saturated scenery are decidedly uncommon in demme ', s films  but the few he uses here work to the film ', s benefit . _beloved_ ', s most memorable scenes are those of baby suggs ', gatherings in a forest clearing  where the bright yellow - greens of nature entrance the viewer as much as suggs ', words do . for the most part  though  demme maintains his trademark directorial neutrality . this  combined with morrison ', s equally frugal method of storytelling  may make _beloved_ somewhat of a challenge to watch  even to those familiar with the book . though the film compliments the book extraordinarily well  it falls short in allowing the sort of accessibility one usually expects from a film . nothing is spoon - fed to the viewer . morrison ', s novel is just as enigmatic  but unlike a movie  a book can be put down to allow the various undercurrents and themes to churn and absorb . the movie begins like _poltergeist_  and ends like _the color purple_  with shades of _the scarlet letter_ and _little women_ somewhere in the middle . taken as a whole  beloved is a disquieting  one - of - a - kind experience  one to be viewed with guards down and spirits in abeyance .
pos scream 2 isn ', t quite as clever as its predecessor  but it fills the gap with a cutting wit . death -- even gruesome  bloody death -- can be funny if handled the right way ( some will be offended by this statement  but you need look no further than pulp fiction for an example ) . and  while there ', s plenty of horror to go around in scream 2  the latest ', 90s slasher flick incarnation  there are also a few laughs to be had . scream 2 is a slice - and - dice movie for those who don ', t take their horror too seriously . the success of the original scream took everyone in the industry by surprise . the unexpected blockbuster  whose gross soared over the $ 100 million mark during its six month release window  opened just about a year ago and turned into one of the most profitable horror films of all time . a sequel was inevitable ; fortunately  nearly the entire creative team has returned for scream 2  including director wes craven  screenwriter kevin williamson  and actors neve campbell  courtney cox  david arquette  jamie kennedy  and liev schreiber . as stipulated by one of the " rules of sequels " uttered by a movie - obsessed character in the film  the body count in scream 2 is higher than that in the original . paradoxically  there ', s a lot less gore . there is blood  of course  but nothing excessive by slasher - movie standards  and there are no depictions of spilled entrails . craven has remembered that scares are more important that graphic displays of human insides and bodily fluids . a second strength of scream 2 is that it features a gallery of legitimate characters rather than a group of cardboard cut - out stereotypes lined up for slaughter . after all  we ', ve known some of these people for two movies -- it ', s almost impossible not to care about them at least a little . scream 2 opens approximately two years after the original . as in the first picture  there ', s a slick  self - mocking prologue . this time  the victims are jada pinkett and omar epps  whose characters are visiting a local theater for a preview screening of the movie stab ( which is based on the " true life " events of scream ) . some of the smartest dialogue comes during this sequence as pinkett bemoans the lack of african american participation in horror films ( it ', s surely no coincidence that  in addition to pinkett and epps  scream 2 features two black characters ) . shortly thereafter  she and her boyfriend have been gutted  signaling the beginning of a series of copycat murders . craven lets loose a burst of tongue - in - cheek creativity for the " movie within a movie " sequences . they give him an opportunity to openly parody scream -- an act that he accomplishes with great panache . stab features heather graham in the " casey becker " role ( played in the original by drew barrymore ) and tori spelling as " sidney prescott " ( neve campbell ) . sadly  we only see a couple of scenes from stab . it would have been a little more fun  i think  had craven used joe dante ', s approach from matinee and shown lengthy excerpts from his satirical production . following the prologue  we are re - introduced to sidney prescott  who has left her sleepy hometown to go to windsor college . her friend randy ( jamie kennedy ) is a student there as well  and he ', s just as knowledgeable about horror films as ever . once the double murder at stab becomes big news  the media converges on windsor  looking to interview the original victim . at the head of the flock of vultures is gale weathers ( courtney cox )  who has a little surprise for sidney . she has brought cotton weary ( liev schreiber )  the man sidney falsely accused of murder  with her . also arriving at the college is deputy dewey ( david arquette )  who is there to act as a big brother to sidney during this latest round of tribulations . in addition to the survivors from the original scream  the field of potential victims is well - populated . there ', s a blond co - ed named cece ( sarah michelle gellar  who has now appeared in two of williamson ', s movies -- this one and i know what you did last summer ) ; sidney ', s requisite boyfriend  derek ( jerry o ', connell ) ; a local newswoman ( laurie metcalf ) ; gale ', s new cameraman ( duane martin ) ; a british drama teacher ( david warner ) ; and several sorority sisters and would - be sorority sisters ( portia de rossi  rebecca gayheart  elise neal  marisol nichols ) . ultimately  there are lots of attractive corpses . from the stab scenes to lines like " brothers don ', t last long in situations like this  " craven and williamson are clearly having a lot of fun with scream 2  and the movie is enjoyable  if a little overlong ( the livelier first hour is better than the second ) . their resolution to the obligatory " whodunit ? " is less of a letdown than it could be  and knowingly offers a wink and nod at past unmasking scenes . ( " nice twist  " quips the killer . " didn ', t see it coming  didya ? " ) one senses  however  that  by the end of this picture  the overall concept of a hip  self - referential slasher film has been played out . supposedly  there ', s going to be a scream 3  but  if the film makers don ', t come up with something radical  we could end up with a classic case of sequel overkill .
pos when 17 year old beau hall ( jonathan tucker  " the virgin suicides " ) gets in a car accident after drinking with his 30 year old companion  club owner darby reese ( josh lucas  " session 9 " )  his mom  margaret ( tilda swinton  " the war zone " ) pays reese a visit to convince him to leave her son alone . instead  reese travels out to their lake tahoe home and lures beau out to the boat house where beau learns that his mother was right about reese . the next morning margaret discovers darby ', s dead body on their beach and  suspecting the worst  weights it down in a distant part of the lake . but her troubles are just beginning  as she soon learns with the arrival of blackmailer alek spera ( goran visnjic  " practical magic " ) in " the deep end . " the incredibly pale  red - headed scottish actress swinton immerses herself into the role of the reserved american super - mom whose life revolves around serving the needs of her three children and live - in father - in - law jack ( peter donat  " the game " ) . she shows great strength while allowing other emotions to glimmer through - discomfort at challenging reese in his gay disco ( named the deep end )  near panic at having to dive down to his body to retrieve car keys  or even wry humor when an attempt to get help from jack becomes hopelessly miscommunicated . gradually her loneliness becomes apparent ( her husband ', s a naval officer  usually away at sea ) when her attempts to email him her concerns about beau are deleted and later  when a most unusual  yet chaste  romance turns tragic . it ', s a terrific performance . the stendahl syndrome - like script  adapted from elisabeth sanxay holding ', s 40 ', s noir novel ', the blank wall ', by directors scott mcgehee and david siegel  would be unbelievable if not for swinton and her costar visnjic . alek spera is a wrong side of the tracks loser who arrives after reese ', s body has been discovered . he shows margaret a videotape of beau having sex with reese and demands $ 50  000 or he ', ll turn the tape over to the reno police . subsequent visits will turn his mind set upside down and backwards  though  as he comes to admire and even love the woman he set out to blackmail . there ', s yet another problem  though - his partner nagle ( raymond barry  " dead man walking " ) is a harder cored criminal who won ', t let up until his share of the money is delivered . visnjic ', s dark  brooding turn has an interior shading to it that makes us believe he ', s a victim of circumstance and environment . his turnaround is palpable as he witnesses margaret ', s inherent decency and her workaday surroundings . also outstanding is tucker as beau  who has a terrific character arc and pas de deux with his mother . initially beau ', s the typical sullen teen . ', you ', re blowing this out of proportion  ', he says of her concerns about reese  not comprehending that his mom has enough insight to have divined the true nature of the relationship . as his mom gets in deeper and deeper trying to cover up a crime he didn ', t commit  beau becomes suspicious of her actions and apparent new companion  turning tables . his early black eye becomes her later split lip . while the two can never be completely honest with each other  their love for each other comes through strongly . the directors ( " suture " ) have a firm grip on their material and cast . the story builds perfectly with bold strokes amidst a myriad of subtler underpinnings . water imagery is constant ( an early shot of weirdly rushing green is revealed to be a young boy cleaning out an aquarium ) . giles nuttgens ( " fire " ) cinematography  which won the 2001 sundance festival award  is crisp and startlingly clear . the tahoe locations and production design by kelly mcgehee and christopher tandon provide a dual personality for the film  contrasting the calm  well off existence of the lake against the gambling city of reno . " the deep end " is a complex story of domino deeds and shifting relationships . take the plunge .
pos leonardo decaprio ( what ', s eating gilbert grape ) and claire danes ( tv ', s my so called life ) star in director baz luhrmann ', s modernized version of william shakespeare ', s classic  romeo & juliet . surrounded by a superb supporting cast  in - cluding paul sorvino ( goodfellas )  brian dennehy ( tommy boy )  pete poslethwaite ( the usual sus - pects ) and john leguizamo ( executive decision )  decaprio and danes shine throughout the film . the story starts off at a gas station  where the " montague boys " meet the " capulet boys " and square off with one another . symbolizing the swords of shakespeare ', s day were their weapons  like the " rapier - 9mm " or the " longsword - shotgun . " instead of killing each other right away  they shoot around  just like in sword fights of old . another great thing about the film was the performance of harold perrineau as romeo ', s best friend . mercutio  who in shakespeare ', s novel was quite a stud  was portrayed as an afri - can - american cross - dresser whose violent na - ture  was a definite plus . miriam margoyles  a virtually unknown actress was astounding as juliet ', s nurse  even though she was never given a name . she was the only one who could keep juliet out of her fantasy world . verona was the home of the rival families in shakespeare ', s version  only slightly changed in luhrmann ', s . now known as verona beach  the capulet ', s ( led by sorvino ) and montague ', s ( led by dennehy ) are now rival corporate dynasties . and their small family skirmishes were now huge gang wars . one slight problem with the film was the difficulty to comprehend the dialogue  since it was spoken in old english . sub - titles could have helped in the beginning of the movie  but toward the end  it became easier to understand . this excellent movie poses another prob - lem : what genre is it ? romeo & juliet contains so much drama  yet enough comedy and action to be placed in either of those categories . with the same award - winning formula that was used by quentin tarantino in reservoir dogs and pulp fiction  romeo & juliet is a sure fire modern masterpiece . ])
pos voices . . . . . trey parker  matt stone  george clooney  minnie driver . " south park : bigger  longer and uncut " is undoubtedly crude  offensive  mean - spirited movie  that comes off as a politcally correct movie too . if your canadian  a strong christian  fat  gay or anything else  you will be offended . but when you watch this movie  there is no doubt that you will laugh . based on the wildly popular comedy central tv show  south park stars cartman  an overweight  foul - mouthed kid  with attitude  and a sweet side . kenny  a poor kid who gets killed in every episode  and talks with his coat hood covering his head . stan a regular  sometimes boring kid who has problems with women . and kyle a lonely jew who talks to his poop . the movie opens with a funny  but messageable song  that all of the people of south park sing . cartman  stan  kenny and kyle are very excited to see the new terrance and phillip ( beavis and butthead types ) movie " asses of fire " . but when the kids get up to the movie to get the tickets  they learn the movie is rated r  which of course means that anyone under the age of 17 cannot get in without a parent or legal guardian . the kids do not understand this  and they pay a homeless man to buy their tickets . while in the movie  laughing at the movie  terrance and phillip cuss repeatedly entertaining the kids . they kids then go out and cuss themselves  getting in trouble and causing kyle ', s mom to go against the mpaa . while doing this kenny learns a thing or to  by proving to cartman he can light his fart on fire . kenny does so  dies  and goes to hell  to find out that satan and saddam huiessan ( homosexual lovers )  are about to take over the world  if terrance and phillip die . > from here on  nothing more should be said to keep the rest a surprise . but believe me  this isn ', t your regular south park tv show  and should not be seen by anyone under 14 or more . this film contains extreme profanity ( over 130 " f " words and a collection of others ) . but beyond being bad in a tasteless type way  south park : bigger  longer and uncut has many messages that are embedded inside it . but i bet you will not leave the movie  for at least laughing one time or more . and enjoying yourself . take it from me  south park : b  l  and u  isn ', t as good as you ', d hope  but it is good for some laughs .
pos why do people hate the spice girls ? ? what exactly have they done wrong  other than perhaps offend the fashion police ? ? so what if they are not " great " singers --- they ain ', t singing opera  folks  its pop music ! ? who exactly is a " great " singer ? judging by that opening paragraph it is obvious that i like the spice girls . ? they do what they do -- sing some catchy tunes -- and they do it pretty well . ? they are able to carry that into their first film  " spice world " . ? " spice world " certainly isn ', t a great filmgoing experience . . . what it is what the spice girls are all about : fun  songs  and a lot of " girl power ! " drawing from a number of different films ( like the beatles ', " hard day ', s night " ) " spice world " chronicles the week heading up to the girls ', first concert at london ', s albert hall . ? they get to tool around london in a big ol ', bus ( driven by meat loaf ! ) and generally have fun . ? in order to through a semblence of plot into the film  there is an evil tabloid publisher played by barry humphries  better known to americans  for about 15 minutes  as dame edna ( remember her ? ) ? he wants to sabotage the girls ', concert so he can sell papers . of course  the point in a movie like " spice world " isn ', t plot . ? the center of the film is the spice girls themselves : ginger ( the recently departed geri haliwell )  posh ( victoria adams )  sporty ( melanie chisolm )  scary ( melanie brown )  and baby ( emma bunton ) . ? each one has their own personality and  perhaps the best part of the film  look like they are having some honest - to - goodness fun  something that can ', t be said for a lot of people in films today . along for the ride are richard e . grant as their manager  clifford  and various other characters making quick cameo appearances ( including teriffic british actors like richard briers and stephen fry ) . ? and  every once and a while  roger moore pops up as the chief to spout odd koans ( added bonus : he gets to  in the words of craig kilborn  dance  dance  dance . ) watching this film was fun  for the most part . ? there are a few slow segments  but overly  director bob spiers keeps things moving at a quick pace  with plenty of hummable spice girls songs in the background . ? his camerawork is fairly pedestrian  though the final concert number is done quite well with effective use of editing . ? the look of the film promotes the high fun  with the design of the spicebus being quite original and eye - catching . ? add in wall - to - wall spice girls music and this film is lovable romp . ? if you don ', t like the spice girls  you won ', t change your mind with this film . ? but  if you find them at least tolerable  get ready to sit back and chill because the spice girls are here to entertain you . . . and do it quite well . ? " spice world " ( 1998 ) . ? directed by bob spiers . ? written by kim fuller . ? music by the spice girls . ? with geri halliwell  victoria adams  melanie chisolm  melanie brown  emma bunton  richard e . grant  claire rushbrook  roger moore . ? distributed by columbia pictures . ? running time : 92 minutes . ? rated : pg . ? available on home video . ---- 29 june 1998
pos more than forty years ago  the " sword and sandals " genre of historical epic ruled the box office . during the 1950 ', s hollywood sought to give audiences a reason to turn off their televisions and go out to the movies by offering the grand spectacle of the roman empire in cinemascope . " ben - hur . " " cleopatra . " " the robe . " " sparticus . " " the fall of the roman empire . " " quo vadis . " sometimes brilliant  sometimes campy  the roman epic was the technicolor funeral pyre of classic hollywood . since then  epics have appeared infrequently ( " the last emperor  " " braveheart " ) and some of the best have been small - screen affairs produced in the 1970 ', s ( " roots  " " shogun " ) . yet  the phrase " we who are about to die salute you " has been absent until now . " gladiator " begins in germania in a . d . 180 . roman general maximus ( russell crowe ) has conquered yet another group of barbarians for his emperor marcus aurelius ( richard harris )  and he is eager to retire to his plantation in spain where his wife and son are waiting . however  the emperor is worried that his decadent weakling son commodus ( joaquin phoenix ) will prove a poor successor  so he wants to make maximus his heir as a transition toward rome becoming a republic again . when commodus hears the plan  he strangles his father and orders maximus and his family murdered . maximus escapes from the executioners  but he arrives home too late to save his wife and son . a caravan of slavers pick up the wounded hero and carry him off to north africa . ( why the caravan happened to be cruising by maximus ', place is never explained . ) an african named juba ( djimon hounsou ) treats maximus ', wounds . proximo ( oliver reed )  a gladiator who won his freedom  purchases maximus and juba as fodder for the arena . of course  maximus proves as able a gladiator as he was a soldier  and his fame spreads . when commodus reopens the coliseum  proximo brings his troupe of warriors to rome to compete . our hero wins the hearts and minds of the cheering crowds and finds that he has an ally in commodus ', sister lucilla ( connie nielsen ) . the similarities to " braveheart " are obvious : an evil king  a determined warrior seeking revenge for his murdered family  the aid of a lovestruck princess . also  like mel gibson ', s epic  " gladiator " has a primarily visceral appeal and is driven forward by the hero ', s anger . it ', s a simple tale of good versus evil . maximus has all the manly virtues : nobility of purpose  courage in battle  loyalty to king and country  physical stamina  and devotion to family . commodus is his opposite in every way : a sniveling  selfish coward who is intended to disgust the audience . the opening night crowd in my theater was about 70 % male  and that seems appropriate . " gladiator " is a guy movie ( would the opposite of a " chick flick " be a " dick flick " ? ) . there ', s much pumping of testosterone and chopping off of body parts in gruesome battle sequences . ( those easily offended by gore should stay away . ) lucilla is the only female character  and what sparks there are between her and maximus are dampened by his devotion to his dead wife . joaquin phoenix gives an astounding performance . in the scene where commodus kills his father  phoenix shows the pain of a son who has never had his father ', s love or pride . throughout the picture  phoenix manages to give depth to a character who ', s scripted as a caricature of evil . i ', ve been a russell crowe fan since " romper stomper . " this role doesn ', t offer him the complexities of his parts in " l . a . confidential " and " the insider " -- essentially his job is to grunt heroically -- but his voice  which has a richard burton resonance textured by a clint eastwood rasp  is perfect for the genre . the late oliver reed gave us the best work of his career in his last role . i hope it will be rewarded with an oscar . my only major quibble with " gladiator " is its stylized look . several scenes are tinted . we ', ve seen a lot of the tinted look lately  particularly in " payback " and " the matrix . " i don ', t get the appeal of the style  which makes feature films look like tv ads . in " payback " it was merely annoying  but in " gladiator " it bleaches the color out of the grand spectacles that are the raison d ', etre of the roman epic . ( perhaps it ', s meant to gloss over the imperfections of the computer - generated shots . ) also  the battle scenes are filmed in a strange herky jerky style that seems to be slo mo and fast forward simultaneously . ( it reminds me of the way the flash runs in the comic books  leaving a half - blurred trail of images of himself behind . ) with a more realistic look  " gladiator " could be even more satisfying than " braveheart " because it has a tighter script and a more fulfilling conclusion . bottom line : a rousing action film enriched by fine performances but tarnished by stylistic choices .
pos the andromeda strain is the greatest science fiction film ever made . i know that is very sweeping statement  so i ', ll qualify it by adding that the andromeda strain is one of the few films made that genuinely deserve the label of " science fiction  " stories in which speculative science is at the core of the plot . 2001 : a space odyssey is probably a better film  but it really only qualifies as science fiction if you consider metaphysics to be a science . most all other films we normally classify as science fiction  or sf  are really just fantasy  action or horror stories set in a futuristic setting . the andromeda strain starts out with two soldiers in a high - tech ( for 1970 ) van looking for a crashed satellite in a tiny new mexico town . something bad happens to them . pictures from a reconnaissance plane show a shocking sight . apparently everyone in the town is dead . the authorities call a " wildfire alert  " summoning four scientists  all but one of them somewhat reluctant  to a super - secret underground germ warfare laboratory in nevada . two of scientists  stone and hall  fly directly to the town in space suits and find a town where almost every single resident literally dropped in their tracks  their blood turned to powder in their veins . some went insane before they died and two of them  a baby and an old wino  are miraculously still alive . they take the survivors and the satellite back to the lab  where stone pressures the white house to call up a " directive 712  " an executive order to cauterize the area around the town with a nuclear bomb . what they find on the satellite when they get back to the lab is andromeda  an organism that defies all the normal rules of earth - like life and mutates as it grows . their only hope to cure it is to find out what a perfectly healthy baby boy has in common with an old derelict . what they find out is that organism feeds directly on energy and that detonating the a - bomb over the town would only spread it across the entire planet . they barely call off the bombing in time . but then the organism mutates into something that threatens to eat through the labs defenses and break out . this triggers the lab ', s last - ditch defense mechanism  an atomic bomb . to those raised on the brainless action fare that pollutes movie theaters these days  the andromeda strain will probably seem interminably slow . much of the film is a lot of people standing around looking at video screens and computer readouts . but what the characters see on those screens ratchets up the tension with every turn of the screw . the performances are universally fine  with the actors keeping things low - key and restrained  just like scientists . to me  the real appeal of this film is the fact that it shows scientists acting like scientists and makes it seem exciting . we follow the logic of their deduction step by methodical step  puzzling like they do every time andromeda behaves in a way we don ', t expect . this film is only available on wide screen on dvd and that is the way to see it . it was originally rated g when first released but it now carries the pg rating  mostly for very mild nudity and one scene in which a body ', s wrist is slashed  spilling its powdered blood .
pos " it ', s not good to know too much about someone  charlie  " charles warns his niece  charlie ( margaret welsh )  with a devilish grin . charlie is infatuated with her namesake uncle  her " soul mate " as she calls him since her mother gave her his name . there ', s a lot to know about charles  not the least of which is that he strangled 3 widows back east . mark harmon  who looks like anything but a killer but specializes in playing them  plays charles  the merry widow murderer in the 1991 hallmark hall of fame remake of the 1943 hitchcock film  shadow of a doubt . and to avoid any questions about his guilt  we see charles in action in the opening scene with his last victim . the story takes place in the early 1950s in the small town of petaluma  california  where charles heads to avoid the police . john gay ', s script uses most of the original screenplay by sally benson  alma reville  and thornton wilder . karen arthur ', s direction is certainly no match for the great master  but on an absolute scale  the movie maintains a high level of suspense . when supercilious and deceitful charles comes to pay a visit of indeterminate length with his sister and her family in petaluma  they don ', t know about his nefarious activities . he showers them with elaborate gifts to buy the love they had already given him anyway . two mysterious and exceedingly clean - cut writers for a magazine show up to take pictures of the family for a spread on the " average american family  " but their interest is focused on uncle charles  especially on taking his picture and learning about his background . charlie  who first welcomed her uncle ', s visit  begins to feel more and more uncomfortable with him and suspicious of the disingenuous magazine reporters . the picture advances with a delicate power using small details such as the newspaper article that the uncle tries secretly to remove and that charlie discovers . the beauty of the story is the pas de deux between uncle and niece as they try to out psych each other . she wants him to leave  and he doesn ', t want to go  what with a local  rich widow as a prospective victim . will charles kill charlie first  or will she get him out of town . harmon is wonderfully creepy and smug  and welsh is tough but trapped . with a deft touch the director sets up each scene  several with thunderstorms  and tom neuwirth ', s sepia - toned cinematography makes the movie feel as if it were filmed in the 50s . my only quibble is the director ', s awkward staging of the final scene on the train . is hitchcock ', s version better ? of course . is this one worth watching as well ? actually  yes . shadow of a doubt runs 1 : 40 . it is not rated but would be pg for adult themes and would be fine for kids around nine and up .
pos do you want to know the truth about cats and dogs ? do you ? well  as this movie shows us  they make good companions but pale in comparison to the joy and fulfillment romantic relationships can bring . unfortunately  there ', s a giant roadblock set up in our culture that only certain people can get through while the rest of us mill around outside  feeling sorry for ourselves . a checkpoint beautiful kind of thing  and janeane garafolo ', s character abby relates to it well . like a certain oversized teenage movie critic  she is intelligent and has a great sense of humor but strikes out with the opposite sex because she sees herself as physically unattractive  and the men seem to be backing her up on that . meanwhile  her gorgeous neighbor nora ( uma thurman . . . uma being the only woman ', s name worse than nora ) attracts men like flies . as abby tells her  " you burp and they think it ', s cute . you barf and they line up to hold your hair back . " but nora ', s down on herself for being too shallow and superficial . we all have our prwhen a man calls in to veterinarian abby ', s talk radio show wanting to know how to get the roller skates off his basset hound . ( oh come on  any idiot knows how to handle that problem ! ) he likes her personality and professional demeanor and asks to meet her in person . abby  though  knows her body doesn ', t match her personality and that she probably won ', t have a chance with him once he sees her . so she gives him nora ', s body description and stands him up . nora happens to be in the studio the next day when the dog man comes by and abby asks her for a big favor . she goes along with the masquerade and the three of them head out for a night of fun  abby assuming the role of a goat cheese farmer named donna . the dog man finds out even though this girl is beautiful  she ', s not quite as intellectual or confident about herself in person  but he doesn ', t suspect anything  realizing he ', s not living in a " three ', s company " episode . the charade continues  with abby furthering the relationship over the phone ( including a decidedly unnecessary phone sex / masturbation sequence ) and nora furthering it in person  while eventually finding herself attracted to the dog man . like sleepless in seattle  this comedy / romance is predictable all the way through  but we care enough about the characters that we root them on and will the romance to blossom . the truth about cats and dogs isn ', t quite as entertaining as i was expecting it to be  but it handles well a theme i could identify with . the thing is  i find janeane garafolo rather attractive . she ', s no uma but i ', m sure in real life she ', d have no problems attracting men . i  on the other hand  couldn ', t attract a man to save my life . . . and am rather proud of that fact .
pos alien 3 is the only alien film i have seen in theaters . i saw it when i was 13 years old  and i must admit that i didn ', t like it . of course  i was expecting aliens again  and i believe this was my fault . in order to appreciate alien 3  you need to see aliens  but you also have to wipe away all the expectations from its predecessor . james cameron ', s aliens was an action film  and many people consider it the best in the series . i am among that group  but alien 3 is an extremely entertaining film  which critics have bashed for its originality . many thought the final chase scene went on for too long  and many others thought that the film was too much dialogue and not enough action . both are untrue  because the film has quite a bit of action  and the dialogue was essential and well - written . as for the chase sequence  it was long  but not overly long  creating quite a bit of suspense from confusion . perhaps watching alien 3 on video helped . on the big screen  i was overwhelmed by something i normally didn ', t see . it was a very dark film  and the language was extremely harsh . i had always figured the alien series to rely on smart dialogue instead of moronic profanities . don ', t get me wrong -- i ', m not saying films should eliminate swearing  but when a film substitutes dialogue with these profane remarks  it gets rather distracting . however  since seeing it again  i realize that the swearing is mainly just an aspect of the restrained hatred in the characters . as a result  alien 3 ', s only flaw ( albeit a major one ) is the underdeveloped characters . we never really care about any of them  and i get the feeling that many scenes were cut in order to shorten the length of the movie . there were only two characters i liked  and of course one was lt . ripley ( sigourney weaver )  although we have gotten to know her through two other films . the other character was dr . clemens ( charles dance )  but because we like him  the inevitable occurs . alien 3 begins exactly where aliens left off . the prologue of alien 3 is a pure cinematic achievement by director david fincher  who had only directed music videos before his chance with this alien entry . without using a single line of dialogue ( unless you count computer warnings )  fincher sets up the entire film . an impressive aspect of this is that fincher only shows a few seconds of film before cutting to a title card . we see lt . ripley and the little girl in their cryogenic compartments . . . ( title ) . . . a shot of an alien egg . . . ( title ) . . . alien legs stretch up into the air . . . ( title ) . . . and so on and so on . during these first ten minutes  i learned everything i had to in order for alien 3 to proceed . it ', s quite a remarkable opening  and one which will remain in my mind for a long time . because of this face - hugger which has been hatched aboard the vessel from aliens  the hypersleep containers are sent into an escape pod  and sent down to the nearest planet : fiorina fury - 161  an ore refinery which has been turned into a maximum security prison . however  the face - hugger managed to attach itself to one of the cryo - tubes  and is sent down with the escape pod . unfortunately  during the landing  all but one of the survivors from aliens is killed . ripley is discovered by some of the inmates and taken back to the refinery . of course  you need a carrier for this face - hugger  and it attachs itself to the dog which came with the team of inmates . ripley is revived and asks to see the ship . after seeing a mysterious acid - eaten section  ripley asks to see the dead bodies  and then have them cremated . this cremation scene is one of the most powerful and impressive of all the alien films . featuring a monologue from dillon ( charles s . dutton )  a prisoner who has found god  the movie cuts back and forth from the ceremony to the dog ', s demise . it ', s one of the most memorable moments  as the speech reflects exactly what is going on with the dog . and this is where alien 3 succeeds . fincher normally injects a lot of symbolism into his films  and i can easily see him becoming the next stanley kubrick or alfred hitchcock ( in fact  he is the mixture of both ) . fincher knows exactly what to film and how to film it  and i figure that he will be one of the few directors with complete control over his films . alien 3 is riddled with symbolic speeches and metaphorical images . by doing so  fincher creates some of the best scenes in the entire alien franchise . many people have criticized fincher ', s filming of the death scene of ripley ( i reveal nothing by saying this ) as looking too fake  but i enjoy and relish in the portrayal . showing ripley fall in slow motion is a nice touch  but by actually not showing her hit the vat of iron  a great deal of symbolism is derived . i feel that it would have spoiled the mood of the entire film if they had actually shown her splash into the molten iron . however  most people seem to want to witness ripley die ( which creates a paradox  as she is the character i didn ', t want to see die ) . why she is killed is one of the surprises of the film  and i don ', t plan on spoiling that in this review . > from every alien film comes several memorable moments which seem to stick with you forever . in alien  it was  of course  the moment the alien burst out of kane ', s stomach . in aliens  it was the showdown between alien and ripley in a machine . alien 3 has several  but most memorable is the terrific shot involving the alien and ripley . ripley is pushed up against a wall  and the alien stands inches away from her . why it doesn ', t kill her is a shocker  which later leads to a surprise ending . fincher apparently loves to use close - ups of actors ', faces ( michael douglas and the clown face - off in the game in the same style )  and by shaving off the actors ', hair  the only thing we have to look at is their faces . many critics didn ', t like all the actors being bald  but it makes complete sense when taken in context of the plot . most of alien 3 works when you take it in context of the story  but when you try to compare it to its predecessors  fincher ', s turn seems a bit gloomy and dark  though that ', s not always a bad thing . the plot is pretty much a rehash of the first two films  with some major twists . again  we are setup with several different characters  and one by one  they are picked off . however  while the first two had tons of arsenal ( especially cameron ', s film )  alien 3 takes place on a planet devoid of human life except for this run - down prison . as a result  no weapons are to be found . this creates a lot of tension  although i must admit that fincher could have added a lot more suspense . as an alien film  alien 3 is the worst of the series  but by itself  it is an extremely well - made motion picture  with a lot more merits than not . the unfortunate thing surrounding this second sequel is the one - dimensional characters . i never was really emotionally involved on screen because most of the characters are hardcore criminals whom i really could care less about . despite this  ripley was the central figure  and that ', s what is important . we care for her  even though she began to act just like one of the guys . again  the technical side of this film is remarkable  and better than the two previous versions . while cameron ', s version was a pumped up action film with massive artillary  fincher uses brilliant camera angles  terrific lighting  and moody sets . the cinematography  by alex thomson  is very well done  with a terrific chase sequence towards the end of the movie . the confusion of the ending draws the viewer in  as we are just as confused as the actors who are being chased around . the yellows  reds  and oranges of the lights create a dark mood  and by themselves create a lot of suspense . shadows dance on the walls  and yet those shadows could easily be the alien . the alien is different from its predecessors this time around  and the swiftness of this alien is quite intense . the camera likes to take up the perspective of the alien  racing after the characters . the sets are quite incredible  which are reminiscient of the nostromo from alien . the narrow corridors and labrynthine hallways is well constructed . the sets appear to be in the future  but not too far in the future . one of the set pieces even aids in the destruction of the alien ( nothing surprising there ) . sigourney weaver turns out yet another good performance  equaling her portrayal of ripley in aliens . she was snubbed at the oscars for this one  mainly because the film was a critical bomb . her reactions are far more realistic in this film  with her crying over the loss of the little child she risked her life saving in her previous encounter . it ', s quite touching really . charles s . dutton is very strong in his performance as one of the inmates  and i was on the brink of actually caring for him . charles dance turns in a nice low - key performance  and as a result  i cared for him immediately . lance henriksen makes a brief appearance as bishop ii  but he was more entertaining in aliens . the rest of the cast is pretty stale  though pete postlethwaite sticks out due to his recent turns in the usual suspects and the lost world . alien 3 is rated r for strong violence and language  and sex . although it has its flaws  alien 3 is highly entertaining with rich symbolism . this film reminds you how much fun it is to spot metaphorical images throughout a movie . while kubrick may have a moral message throughout his films  fincher relies on cinematic devices to bring his meanings out . it ', s a film like fincher ', s which reminds us that it is okay for a film to sacrifice quality for quantity ( the final scene ) . in fact  it tells us that we  as a society  have become too critical of things which may happen to look a little " fake . " whenever something looks fake on screen  we immediately point it out as a mistake . but perhaps it isn ', t a mistake .
pos ultra low budget but extremely inventive horror film about a group of friends vacationing in a cabin who accidentally awaken an evil force in the woods via the necronomicon  the book of the dead . bruce campbell stars as ash  who eventually becomes the sole survivor and has to battle both the demons from the woods  and his friends who have become demons ( including his own girlfriend ) . the results shown on screen are amazing considering the film ', s tiny budget  constant location changes  and a filming schedule that was sporadic over two years . followed by two sequels : evil dead ii ( 1987 ) and army of darkness ( 1993 ) . the dvd release of this film from elite entertainment contains the film in it ', s original aspect ratio of 1 . 33 : 1 . the disc contains two versions of the film ', s audio : a stereo 2 . 0 track and a newly remastered dolby digital 5 . 1 . included are two separate running commentary tracks : the first features writer / director sam raimi and producer rob tapert and the second track features the film ', s star  bruce campbell . campbell ', s commentary is informative and extremely witty  as he has a story to tell for virtually every scene in the film . such informative tidbits include : the original title of the film was going to be book of the dead ( and in fact when the film premiered in 1981 that was it ', s title ) and when they were asked to change the title to the evil dead  everyone thought it was the worst title they had ever heard . also  there ', s a scene early on in the film where the group sits around and listens to a tape recorder which they ', ve found that ', s explaining about the demonic forces in the woods . for that scene  it was written for the characters to be smoking marijuana  so being the wacky kids that they were at the time  they decided to actually smoke marijuana for the scene . almost all of that footage became unusable because many of the actor ', s had never smoked before  and as a result they became " confused " and were unable to perform the scene . i wish the entertainment factor was as high for the sam raimi / rob tapert audio track . the two people you ', d think would be more enthusiastic in talking about this film instead barely have much to say at all . don ', t get me wrong here  when they do speak it ', s entertaining to hear  but there are many instances where both are silent for long periods of time . sometimes after one of those long silences rob will ask " have anything to say sam ? " to me  that ', s not a good sign . also  it seems like sam raimi doesn ', t remember much about the film and it ', s production . . . well  compared to rob and bruce anyway . also included on the disc is a photo gallery ( which includes pictures from the film ', s " gala " premiere ) and about twenty minutes of raw footage from the film . this raw footage really shows you how much a film can be improved upon using simple audio techniques . overall  the evil dead is a good low budget horror film  superior to many films in it ', s genre . and the collector ', s edition dvd release is well worth your time if you ', re either a fan of the film or just a fan of the filmmaking process . all special edition dvds should be this thorough and entertaining .
pos elmore leonard has quickly become one of hollywood ', s favorite authors . out of four film adaptations in as many years  the witty and inventive out of sight gives get shorty a run for its money as the best leonard adaptation around . george clooney stars as jack foley  a nice bank robber . . . you know the type  he uses his charm and his wits rather than a gun . but even charming guys end up unlucky  and jack ends up in jail . but not for long . he plots an escape with the help of his best friend  and fellow robber  buddy bragg ( ving rhames )  and their slow - witted pothead associate  glenn michaels ( steve zahn ) . but jack didn ', t count on u . s . marshal karen sisco ( jennifer lopez ) . appearing at the right place at the wrong time  karen gets involved in foley ', s escape attempt and the subsequent manhunt to bring him in . however  karen develops a rapport with jack foley  and finds that she begrudgingly likes the guy . but  can love prosper on opposite sides of the law ? or can karen straighten out jack before he goes too far in pursuit of just one last crime . clooney  who has had a string of solid  but never stellar  film roles  delivers his best performance to date . he blends into his role here perfectly as the risk taking jack foley  who ', s willing to gamble everything on the chance that karen sisco might be his true love . jennifer lopez does an excellent job as well . she actually has a trickier role than clooney  as a woman who has to balance her emotions with her sense of duty . she and clooney develop good chemistry together . the film boasts a superb ensemble . steve zahn gives a hilarious performance  and steals nearly every scene he ', s in . don cheadle is appropriately sinister as a violent ex - con who may or may not be teaming up with foley . albert brooks is enjoyable as a white collar criminal who talks too much for his own good . out of the cast  only dennis farina seems underused as karen ', s ex - lawman father . steven soderbergh gives the film sharp and stylistic direction . with an affectation for freeze frames  he delivers a unique take on the film ', s action and love scenes that places out of sight a notch above routine crime films . a recurring series of flashbacks makes the film seem more complex than it actually is . devoid of its bells and whistles  out of sight is actually a fairly straightforward crime story . however  there are only a few spots in the film that seem bare  and they pass quickly . with smart dialogue  good characters  and an excellent cast  out of sight easily smoothes over the rough spots in the plot and delivers on both the action and romantic fronts .
pos bob the happy bastard ', s quickie review : the matrix what ', s worse than y2k ? how about a fully digital future where nothing is real ? that ', s what computer programmer neo ( keanu reeves ) slowly learns as he enters the dangerous world that is the matrix  a movie directed by the wachowski brothers ( the guys behind the hip thriller bound ) . before you groan at the presence of reeves in the lead role  hold on . there ', s actually a story with depth here . it seems that a group of hackers is out to stop the system that is the matrix  led by the bald but brilliant laurence fishburne and assisted by carrie ann moss  who looks quite cool in leather  i must say . neo ( reeves ) is pretty much a key player in this fight  although he really doesn ', t look it at first . could this amateur be " the one " as fisburne thinks he is ? credit the wachowskis for putting together a great story that allows suspense to build  something that few special effects - laden films seem to do these days . there ', s plenty of effects to go around  of course  but at least there ', s a backbone to build them on as well . reeves is surprisingly good in his role as neo  particularly in a fight scene with fishburne that comes across as goofy  yet great . i wish the villains weren ', t quite so " generic " ( leftover g - men from looking for a sweet sci - fi actioner with plenty of stop - motion swooping camera angles and  of course  a motherlode of a helicopter explosion . now the wachowskis are headed into horror films with their next project . bring it on .
pos martin scorsese ', s kundun  which chronicles roughly the first twenty years of the life of the currently exiled dalai lama  has been criticized for its lack of narrative structure . personally  i don ', t think it needs one : it works perfectly well as a study of tibetan buddhist culture and how communist china . scorsese views the dalai lama the way many tibetans probably do  as a larger - than - life symbol of buddhist spirituality and political leadership : the only glimpses into his head come from several interesting yet oblique dream sequences  but his portrayal is appropriate for a film that concentrates on the political and spiritual rather than the personal . the set design and cinematography are outstanding  and while scorsese occasionally seems to get carried away with the spectacle  it helps to augment the cultural contrast when the dalai lama travels to china to meet chairman mao . political art sometimes succumbs to the temptation to start shouting slogans  kundun does not : it succeeds in delivering its message in an artistically interesting way and without being overly manipulative .
pos synopsis : upper middle class  suburban family man lester ( kevin spacey ) realizes that he is just going through the motions : he is unable to feel passion ; he is soulless  cynical  and no longer able to feel the edge between success and failure . everyone else around him has similar symptoms . lester ', s unassertive daughter jane ( thora birch ) is too lethargic to change her world  yet all too ready to whine and complain . his wife carolyn ( annette bening ) is reduced to keeping up appearances and reciting commercialist slogans . and these are people with a big house and a decent standard of living . the only person who seems able to appreciate beauty and freedom and life is the person most deprived of it : a dope - dealing teen from across the street who is practically imprisoned by a domineering  bullying father . when lester embarks on a mad scramble to feel the edge again  the fact that he has quit his job to feel what it ', s like - - and his newfound interest in exercise to impress a teenage girl - - ruffle a lot of feathers in the family . will lester regain his ability to appreciate life ? opinion : people say it all the time : you never appreciate good health until it ', s gone . likewise  people raised in fabulously pampered prosperity can become unhappy and spiteful over the dumbest  most inconsequential problems  simply because they have no clue how good they have it . sometimes it takes a near fall - - accidentally or through deliberate fasting - - to move out of apathy and reclaim your ability to challenge the world . the deprivation / appreciation cycle is a major theme of american beauty . american beauty is a non - formula  intelligent and articulate movie that offers fantastic performances by everyone in the cast  especially kevin spacey  who is simply gosh darn amazing this movie . the thing i like about american beauty is that there is no sentimental music  no hospital scene nor any overly dramatic hokum . the movie entertains and offers brilliant performances just as is . if you are in the mood for a thoughtful  non - formula flick  i highly recommend american beauty .
pos though it is a fine piece of filmmaking  there ', s something about elizabeth . . . that left me a bit cold  and i think it is something that bugs me quite often in films  particularly these days ; i just didn ', t care about the characters . to me  the first and foremost job of a filmmaker is to create characters ( be they imagined or historical as the case may be ) that the audience gives a hoot about . and though elizabeth works well on many levels  it falls short of excellence because of that very reason . elizabeth takes place in england in 1554  as queen mary  half sister of elizabeth and a monarch on the side of catholicism is dying . before she dies  though  she cannot bear to sign a document which would condemn her half sister to death because of her heretical protestant beliefs . as a result  amidst much anger within the council  elizabeth becomes the queen of england . the film chronicles her rise to power as she fights for a unified church of england and tries to bring order to her personal and political life . much of the film deals with elizabeth ', s love for lord robert  a mysterious man who thrusts his lordship onto many a woman as he continues to proclaim his love for the queen . there is much ado about her lack of a husband  and political pressures from spain and france enter into the equation . the problem with the film lies with this as its centerpiece  as love interests are such a character driven element . i didn ', t much care about the characters ( perhaps aside for elizabeth who is played quite well by blanchett ) and so i didn ', t have much interest in who would join her in her nuptials . the cast is rounded out well with the marvelous rush who plays the queen ', s most loyal advisor  sir francis  and attenborough as a well - meaning but old - fashioned lead council . why then  you must be asking  do i recommend elizabeth ? simply because it is the result of a perfect pairing of director and cinematographer . kapur and his cinematographer remi adefarasin ( neither of whom i have heard ) create a beautifully realized piece of filmmkaing from the technical side . the light streams through each frame as in any painting from the period and beautifully captures the realistic light sources that would have been found in churches  cellars and castles in 16th century europe . each frame is rich with color contrasted with blackness or blown - out white light from windows . the costumes by alexandra byrne deserve a mention as they are such an inportant aspect of each shot . indeed  elizabeth is one of the most visually beautiful films of the decade  ranking with kundun and braveheart . watch also for the incredibly " godfather - esque " mass murder scene . it made me think in retrospect of the similarities between the two films .
pos carolco pictures and dutch director paul verhoeven ( robocop ) came together to create the 1990 mega hit that is total recall . the film is a masterpiece of sets  action  and special effects . action and science fiction just don ', t get any better than this ! the story involves a construction worker named douglas quaid ( arnold schwarzenegger ) who lives on earth with his beautiful wife lori ( sharon stone ) . quaid is obsessed with mars and decides to go with the second best choice ; a brain implant ( fake memory ) of a two week vacation on mars . while being implanted a memory cap is triggered and the doctors realize that quaid ', s memory has previously been erased . now the people who did it are after him . quaid must find out who he really is and why these people want him dead . the plot unfolds at a rapid pace explaining itself through great action  special effects  and twist after mind - boggling twist . it grabs you and never lets go ! this film is a winner from beginning to end . the plot is superb ; combining the best elements of science fiction and psychological mystery to create a rip - roaring saga . schwarzenegger gives his best performance ever  and the supporting cast is good too . the action and stunts are terrific . the sets are huge and elaborate with a lot of attention payed to detail . the music and sound effects are perfect for the film and really add a certain level of impact to the action . the make - up effects by rob bottin ( the howling  the thing  and robocop ) are top notch  not to mention extremely outlandish . the visual effects by dream quest ( the abyss ) and industrial light and magic ( star wars trilogy  jurassic park  and terminator 2 ) are phenomenal ! the visuals had such a state of the art " slickness " that they won an oscar . of course the film isn ', t always realistic ; it ', s more fiction than science . for example  it is true that a body won ', t explode in the vacuum of space but in total recall they do . who cares ? it ', s a movie . movies are supposed to entertain . and in my opinion this film achieves an entertainment level in film that is so terrific  it may be impossible to beat .
pos with the abundance of trite  recycled movies in the late ', 90s  there is a tremendous demand by movie lovers ( never mind movie critics ) for movies that present the wide film audience with something truly original : perhaps audaciously  perhaps purely thematically . for the former  you need look no further than director tom tykwer ', s incredible german thriller run lola run  a movie that may make some viewers need a cooling off period afterwards . lola  a contemporary goth - girl with blazing red hair receives a desperate phone call from her boyfriend manni one day . it seems that because she was late delivering something he lost a bag containing a hundred thousand marks  and if he doesn ', t deliver a hundred thousand marks within the next twenty minutes  he will be killed . this gives lola twenty minutes to come up with 100  000 marks  or her boyfriend dies . so she runs -- not just jogs  sprints -- in hopes that somehow  someway  she ', ll be able to obtain the money and save a life . > from there  as critic steve rhodes described it  run lola run plays a bit like " sliding doors on steroids . with a non - stop techno soundtrack  wierd camerawork  all kinds of insane zooms and a truly breakneck pace  anyone that is bored with run lola run has to be smoking something . indeed  the movie is often outrageously exciting  as well as bitterly ironic and subtly serious . very much like titanic  run lola run is an achievement with filmmaking much more than it is an achievement in film . the way the movie is made  for pure visual style  tykwer ', s movie is breathtaking ( literally  sometimes ) . thematically it does leave something to be desired ; it toys around with some intriguing ideas but does occasionally seem as if there is little substance behind all of the flash . while you are watching  this will not matter . running a breezy 81 minutes  this is one movie i wished was longer because it was so damn good while it lasted . it is the equivalent of a roller - coaster in the amount of thrills and fun that it offers . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
pos i was anxious to see this for a long time . a friend of mine recommended this to me because he has a crush on neve campbell  and he wanted to prove that she ', s as hot as he thinks he is . he proved it for me all right  but the reasons i enjoy this film go way beyond that . scream treads on familar ground  horror movie with  as star neve campbell puts it  " some stupid killer stalking some big breasted girl who can ', t act who ', s always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door . " it ', s very familar  your typical horror film . so why  you may ask after watching it  does it seem so new and original ? because it treats itself as if it hasn ', t been done before  and thus the viewer is disilusioned into believing that it is not old  familar tired stuff . this raises another question : how does it do this ? simple : the characters . they ', re not your typical stupid horror film victims who don ', t know what the hell to do when being chased by a guy in a ski mask and a machette . they are horror fans  they know how stuff happens in a horror movie  they know what to do and what not to do  and that makes it scary  and even funny at certain times . you can tell this just by watching the opening scene where casey becker ( drew barrymore ) is making popcorn  getting ready to watch a video  and some guy who sounds like a killer calls her up to play a game with her that involves horror movie triva that  if she gets it wrong  will get her and her boyfriend killed . she knows what to answer when he asks her horror film questions  she just can ', t answer his final question  " what door am i at ? " and that gets her killed . that scene works because in a normal horror film  half the things that happen in that scene would never happen . the plot is typical horror stuff : sidney prescott ( an impressive neve campbell )  an attractive young high school student who ', s mother was killed a year ago tommorrow  is being stalked by a killer who ', s previously murdered one of her classmates ( casey  naturally )  and everybody in this small  california town is a suspect  including sidney ', s boyfriend  billy loomis . but as i said before  these people know how horror movies work  and that ', s what makes it so appealing . that and the references to horror movies  like when casey says  " the first ( nightmare on elm street ) was scary  but the rest sucked . " which is obviously director wes craven ( who does a good job of poking fun of the genre that made him a legend ) patting himself on the back as he directed the first nightmare movie and none of the others  and when tatum  sidney ', s friend  mentions the director  wes carpenter  which is obviously an homage by writer kevin williamson to not only craven  but also director john carpenter . the cast is well chosen  neve campbell pulls off a good heroine ( and unlike most horror film heroines  she * can * act )  drew barrymore does a good janet leigh impression for what little time she has in the film  and david arquette is impressive . also good ( and funny ) in his role is henry winkler ( " the fonz " ) as the school principal . i took half a point off for the unnecessary ( albeit limited ) appearance by friends ', courteney cox as reporter  gail edwards  sidney ', s rival because she covered her mother ', s disappearance . i hate that show  i hate those actors . they ', re untalented  overexposed  and overpaid  imho  and i would think wes craven is smart enough to know those actors are overexposed enough  but i suppose he isn ', t .
pos to paraphrase a song title from an earlier disney movie  mulan is a whole new world . the mouse factory ', s latest feature is a treasure  featuring magnificent animation  a strong story and finely drawn characters . mulan is the story of a fiesty  head - strong young woman who  unlike other disney heroines  isn ', t seeking her prince charming  mulan ', s motivations are simple ; to save her father  serve her country and find a place for herself in a world in which females have no say . the story of mulan takes place in ancient china at a time when the huns have invaded the nation . the emperor has called for a conscription  one man from each family to join the army and defend the nation . mulan ', s crippled father is called  but mulan sneaks off  steals his armor and takes his place . mulan is a saga of courage and self - discovery . yet  despite the grim backdrop of war  it is a lively tale of self - reliance and brain - over - brawn that even the smallest child can appreciate and enjoy . the movie utilizes a strong corps of asian - american talent as the voices for the main characters  including the wonderful ming - na wen ( the joy luck club ) as mulan  b . d . wong as shang  mulan ', s commanding officer and later love interest  pat morita as the emperor and the veteran soon - tek oh as mulan ', s proud  but loving father . also adding to the proceedings is eddie murphy as mushu the dragon  sent by mulan ', s ancestors to watch over and help the young woman . his fast  wise - cracking  hip - talking mushu may seem out of place  but it ', s a crowd pleasing performance  especially for the youngsters . the movie features only a couple of songs  fewer than most previous disney animated flicks  but mulan ', s are winners . the music by matthew wilder and lyrics by david zippel fit nicely into the plot . the overall score by jerry goldsmith also is a plus . mulan is a treat  more powerful than hercules  with more heart than the hunchback of notre dame . at about 85 minutes  mulan moves rapidly  and will hold the attention of youngsters from beginning to the end . mulan will set a new standard by which future animated efforts by disney and other studios will have to work hard to attain . also  it is hoped that the success of mulan  and there is no doubt that it will prove to be a popular vehicle  will spur an interest for more movies with oriential or asian - american themes so as to provide more substantial roles for the talented performers who gave their voices for this production . it would be nice to see them on screen as well as hear them . committed to lifelong learning through effective communication
pos as a revolutionary war hero in the patriot  mel gibson provides another macho man performance for hollywood audiences . you know the type : his shirt is always shredded  his face always scarred  he has a soft spot for his loved ones and a " to kill " list for his enemies . oscar - hungry director / executive producer roland emmerich did not intend to  but he made the stereotypical action hero for the 18th century . as gibson delivers lines like  " before this war is over  i am going to kill you  " schwarzenegger in commando or stallone in cobra immediately come to mind . oddly enough  the patriot is as much an epic three - hour - tear - fest like gladiator  as it is a ninety - minute guilty pleasure . at times absorbing  at others enjoyably insipid  this is good  bloody summer fun . i probably would have despised this film had it not been released over the july 4th weekend . some of the images are so zealously americanized ( the flag is used as a lifesaving weapon for example )  that independence day seems the only appropriate time of year to wholeheartedly accept it . like emmerich ', s id4  this is obvious propaganda where the americans are the hapless underdogs motivated by freedom for all . sure it ', s predictable and melodramatic  but for a moment after leaving the theater  i was dumbfounded with patriotism . and isn ', t that the point of the patriot ? gibson plays benjamin martin  the lionized french and indian war veteran  who  at the beginning of the film  is emotionally suffering after his loving wife passed away . he is left to father seven children at his south carolina estate along with black servants ( not slaves ! ) . as the revolutionary war rumbles miles away  martin swears to keep his family close and away from the battlefields . but when the oldest son enlists anyway and another is murdered by a wicked redcoat colonel ( jason isaacs )  martin quickly decides to save the day ( or save the fate of america as presented by emmerich ) . forming a band of aggressive farmers and using guerilla tactics considered unfair in the art of war  martin becomes the number one target of the british army . the best parts of the patriot are the scenes in which martin and his rugged militia men outsmart the british armies left and right . every time the farmers attacked the unsuspecting enemy  to see the disbelief on british general cornwallis ', ( tom wilkinson ) face was priceless entertainment . and as the tension gradually formulates with the running time  a final battle is inevitable . as for the numerous battle scenes  they are expertly done . clearer and more realistic than those of gladiator  the gruesome images are what give this film an r rating . you really get a sense of how warfare was performed during that time period . everything is performed in an orderly ( but still quite gory ) fashion - one side shoots  then the other side  then the remaining soldiers charge . it ', s organized  strategic and  according to martin  ineffective . there is a very interesting contrast between the traditional battle style and martin ', s take - no - prisoners method . what drives martin to these supposedly unfair actions  are the originally brutal tactics of colonel tavington . played wonderfully by jason isaacs  tavington is the type who loves to glare down from his horse at civilians  who nervously avoid eye contact . this character is viciously evil ; he kills women and children and then laughs about it on the way home ; even his eyes are evil . his portrayal has sparked some controversy in britain  some claim that he falsely represents his countrymen as " cowardly " and " sadistic . " i disagree with this accusation . tavington does not represent his country ; his unnecessary executions shock his own colleagues and even anger his general . besides tavington  the redcoats remain stick figures that are neither glorified nor patronized . and stick figures make the easiest enemies in these kinds of movies - why give the audience a reason to love the bad guys ? heck  why not spend the entire film glossing up the good guys ? the patriot is three hours of fictional fireworks . with an action hero seeking revenge and a comic book villain ready to take him down  it ', s a lethal weapon for the colonial times . god bless america ! and god bless the patriot !
pos " if there ', s a beast in men  it meets its match in women  too . " starring sarah patterson  angela lansbury  tusse silberg  david warner directed by neil jordan written by jordan and angela carter  from a story by carter cinematography by bryan loftus in recent years  there has been a trend in the field of fantasy : writers have been revisiting the fertile world of myth and fairy tale and reclaiming that world  investing it with new life and energy . in modern times  fairy tales have become disneyfied and debased ; they have become trite adventures involving leering witches  friendly dwarves  and cuddly talking animals . but in their original forms  fairy tales have a dark  wicked edge . crows tear out the eyes of cinderella ', s sisters  a gorier fate then they receive in the animated version . hansel and gretel relish cooking the witch in her own oven . writers have become fascinated by the bloodier  morally ambivalent aspects of fairy tales  and are now modernizing the old stories while simultaneously going back to their roots . before this trend was in vogue  angela carter -- whose stories always have a dark  wicked  subversive edge -- had been reinventing fairy tales for years . in the company of wolves  she and neil jordan retell the story of red riding hood  enlivening it with werewolves  rolls royces  and a visit from satan . the story is structured as a dream  occurring in the mind of rosaleen ( sarah patterson )  an adolescent girl about whose ', real ', life we learn very little . within the dream  there are a number of inset stories  most told by dream - rosaleen ', s grandmother ( angela lansbury )  and these tales gloss the central story in intriguing  suggestive ways . the result is a surprisingly successful example of a sinister  contemporary fairy tale . i say " surprisingly " because there are so many ways this film could have gone wrong . and there are ways in which it does . the performances are mediocre  except for lansbury ', s -- she finds the right note for the prim  apple - cheeked granny  the wise and stern teller of cautionary tales . the soundtrack  synth - heavy  reminded me of bad 80s horror movies  as did the special effects in the shapechanging scenes . probably state - of - the - art at the time  they are now laughable . but jordan succeeds at what i consider the trickiest aspect of the film : he transcends the poor acting / music / effects and conveys a sense of the fantastic  of otherness . one of the problems in adapting full - blown fantasies is that fantasy is often best left to the imagination of the reader  rather than being subjected to the ', realism ', of the screen . part of me would love to see an adaptation of ', the lord of the rings  ', but  on the other hand  i know that any filmmaker ', s recreation of ents  hobbits  and balrogs is inevitably going to be really lame compared to what i picture in my mind . this makes jordan ', s accomplishment here seem mighty impressive to me : he imbues the company of wolves with a genuine sense of magic and mystery . the somewhat ruritanian dreamworld becomes a kind of ur - reality . the sunshine is exceptionally warm and abundant . the nights are quiet and misty and eerie and ghostly . the peasant village is rustic and cozy  the woods old and hoary . this archetypal realm is the setting for a smart  subtle  literate script  a script which is as good as you ', d expect from jordan ( himself an accomplished fiction writer ) and carter . for carter  the cauldron of story is a witches ', brew  bubbling over with primal ingredients : mist - shrouded forests  ancient graveyards  virginal girls and wise women  wolves with glowing eyes . she adeptly blends them all together . there is a symbolic richness to the film ; everything is permeated with a sense of significance . the point of it all  i think  is to represent a girl ', s rites - of - passage on an unconscious  primordial level . a night - journey through the forest  from the village to the grandmother ', s home  is the crux of the company of wolves . " don ', t stray from the path  " rosaleen is told  again and again  and the path is both literal and figurative : the path through the forest and the path of life . staying on the path is the conventional approach suggested by rosaleen ', s elders . carter and jordan  never conventional  explore what goes on when you leave the path . those who stray will supposedly meet with a dark fate . this fate is literalized in the dream as werewolves  but the werewolves connote many things : death  sex  knowledge . if straying from the path leads to death  then it ', s not a good idea -- but if that ', s what you have to risk to get sex and knowledge ( and therefore power )  then maybe it ', s worth the risk . when you leave the path  the world becomes a dangerous  ambiguous place  but it ', s full of potential . and it ', s certainly more interesting than the disney version .
pos contrary to the title  " the boxer " is not another rocky story only this time spliced with some cold hard politics . it ', s actually three movies in one : a political film  a boxing film  and a love story . all of these work in their own respects and have some pretty decent balancing betwixt the three elements of the story  but somehow it seems kind of cliched and unoriginal . we ', ve seen it all before  and we ', re just not blown away with it like we should be . oh well . it ', s still an excellent irish story . " the boxer " of the title is danny flynn ( jim sheridan staple daniel day - lewis )  an ex - ira member who gets out of a belfast prison after 14 years  and finds out that his troubles are far from over . first off  the ira is having a small civil war between its leader joe hamill ( brian cox )  and one of its sub - leaders  harry ( gerard mcsorley )  both having opposing views on getting many of their members out of jail . while this is going on  danny and his old drunkard buddie  ike ( ken stott  who played the chief inspector in danny boyle ', s " shallow grave " )  re - open an old gym which allows the two opposing religios sects  protestant and catholics  to work together . danny not only begins teaching kids how to box  but has stayed in great shape whilst in prison  and is ready to start boxing real people again . and danny runs into his ex - love  maggie ( " breaking the waves " ', s emily watson )  who hasn ', t seen him since he went in . they don ', t easily start up their romance again because she ', s the wife of a prisoner whom she married during danny ', s tenure in prison  and also has a son  liam ( ciaran fitzgerald )  from him  whom liam is hoping will get out soon . but the two are slowly re - drawn to eachother again  and this begins to complicate things . the political story is nothing really special but works in itself . we ', ve seen it many a time before  but it ', s at least interesting  sometimes emotional  and even riveting at times . there ', s a big riot towards the middle of the film which is frightening in its brutality and honesty . the boxing story is very minor to the story  but does represent people coming together to fight eachother fairly  and even with good sportsmanship . there are only a few boxing scenes  but they ', re never like " raging bull " / let ', s - strip - down - the - sport - to - its - bones brilliant . they ', re more realistic  and instead of bone crunching  we hear the sound of the gloves hitting eachother  which is slightly unerving at times . and i didn ', t know daniel day - lewis was in such good shape . but the backbone of the story is the love one . because these characters are given such horrible circumstances  and since the two leads have such great chemistry together  we really feel for their plight . as the film goes on  and circumstances get worse and worse  the characters have to make real human decisions  and we can sympathize with them as humans not characters . this is how you write a love story - take note  hollywood . these elements are pretty much equally balanced  with each of the parts of the stories working hand - in - hand with eachother . i loved how each of the different parts of the plot mattered  and sometimes spilled over into the next . it made sure that we didn ', t just care for one of them . i ', m not saying they ', re all equally great  because the love story really carries the film  but at least they all work out respectively . the acting is amazing  with day - lewis and watson giving excellent performances and showing great chemistry . i ', m not sure if they ', re oscar - nominee bound  but they ', re very good . in the supporting roles  billy cox is greatly sympathetic as the ira leader losing control of his daughter and his workers . but the film is stolen acting wise by ken stott as ike  who is just a great scene stealer . the direction and co - writing by jim sheridan ( with the other co - writing credit going to terry george ) is excellent  rounding out the characters well  but not pacing everything greatly . i noticed that the first half was very leisurely ( yet fascinating )  but the second half whirls by at a quick pace  and ends much too quickly . more time could have been spent thinking up the ending  since it does seem quite sloppy . though " the boxer " is a good film  it never achieves the greatness that it should . sure  it ', s a masterpiece compared to most of the hollywood drivel we usually get  but on it ', s own  it just could have been better . but it still works out  gives us a great love story combined with a political and boxing drama  and features great acting . even if it could have been better  this ', ll do .
pos you don ', t want to be like mike . mike has been doing badly . embarrassingly bad . he broke up a six - year relationship six months ago to move from n . y . to l . a . and he ', s still not over her . as a result  his jokes fall flat when he tries to impress  and he ', s a comedian . well  an unemployed comedian  one of hollywood ', s little fish  and it has gotten so bad he ', s asked for an application at starbuck ', s . actually  the starbuck ', s thing gets even worse . and worse . you won ', t fail to like mike  however  played endearingly by jon favreau . swingers revolves around mike ', s half - hearted and awkward efforts to get back in the social swing of things . to this end he is enthusiastically assisted by his equally underachieving twentysomething actor friends  such as trent ( vince vaughn with the film ', s most animated performance )  who has the gift of gab bordering on the disturbing side of motivational speaking  gun - toting sue ( patrick van horn )  and rob ( ron livingston )  who once played hamlet but now longs to work as goofy in disneyland  but doesn ', t succeed because of his lack of " theme park experience . " together they talk about women - how to make eye contact  which involves avoiding it  and when to call so as never to appear desperate  two days being " industry standard . " after talking the talk  they walk the walk  strutting like the cool swingers they aspire to be  always to laughable effect . to get mike out of his funk  his friends persistently convince him to get outside  whether it be to a quickie night trip to a seedy vegas casino or a cutthroat hollywood party with the beautiful people or a 50s swing lounge . everywhere they encourage mike to look for a replacement " honey " and then keep vigil over his progress  or lack of it . like dotty doting parents  mike never leaves their company without being the recipient of their confidence cheerleading ( " you ', re money  mike  and the honeys know it . " ) or equipped with their eccentric dating philosophies  such as an analogy of flirting with the bear and the bunny . with the unwavering support of friends like these  maybe mike ', s not doing too badly after all . favreau also doubled as the film ', s screenwriter  and he proves he has the gift for creating engaging characters and witty banter that goes beyond today ', s bon mot . there is a reassuring honesty to the friendships  even when it hits its low points and the friends commiserate . when mike gets the gumption to look for love  you will join his cheerleading section as well . swingers is light  unassuming fare  sweet candy you will want to bust your gut with - laughing - again and again .
pos america has finally gotten what it ', s needed for years : a compassionate sincere president with impressive ethics and charisma . regretfully it ', s only a movie . president james marshall ( harrison ford ) is fed up with terrorist activities . teaming up with the russian government  he orders a strike force capture of alexander radek  a reactionary general ready to re - unite the soviet union under his fascist reign . during a celebration dinner  marshall announces to the world that he will send troops to fight oppression wherever it exists . " it ', s your turn to be afraid  " he declares . returning home on air force one  he gets the chance to demonstrate his words personally . ultra - nationalist militants loyal to radek and lead by ivan korshunov ( gary oldman ) hijack the plane threatening to kill a hostage every half hour until the general is released . marshall has a chance to escape in a jettisoned capsule ( which clinton says doesn ', t exist in real life ) but refuses  preferring to stay and fight . director wolfgang peterson ( " das boot "  " in the line of fire "  " outbreak " takes the over - used " die hard " theme and gives us something new in a film that combines brilliant acting with hold - your - breath intensity . if you can take your eyes off the screen  steal a look at the audience . everyone is totally engrossed . the two actors do what they do best and they are probably the best there are at it . oldman has become typecast as a psychotic sadist and no wonder -- he does it so well . when he engages the teenage first daughter in sensitive conversation about his family and the next minute threatens to blow a hole in her forehead  you know that he ', s over the edge in the manner that people with a cause can become . you are convinced that young alice could end up terminated at any time . when korshonov executes passengers  there is a frightening reality to it . the guns in this film are deadly weapons  not cartoons . harrison ford has done one role for several years . his mastery of the man in the suit propelled into desperate action is in top form here . marshall is a medal of honor recipient who now has a desk job . realistically  he ', s a man afraid  but not afraid to act . ford is one of the few actors that could make us believe that the president of the united states could be an action hero . indiana jones in the oval office . he and oldman ', s archetypes match up perfectly . the other roles also go to accomplished actors . glenn close as the determined but unsure vice - president is the picture of an executive forced into a position that she ', s not quite ready for . dean stockwell as defense secretary eager for the authority ( " i ', m in charge here ! " ) is her political nemesis and turns in a good alexander haig performance . of course the politics are all wrong . a cowboy president ( even down to his name ) with big guns shoots his way through problems . much like the american collective memory of jfk ', s camelot  the image is wondrous if you don ', t look too deep . the pulls on the patriotic heartstrings would be too much in any other film  but they work here . no matter what political spin you put on the story  the movie is an outstanding one . i left the theater feeling that there is hope for the country ', s future : not a common belief nowadays . now if we only can get ford to run for president . just because one actor didn ', t work out as chief executive doesn ', t mean that a different one couldn ', t . ( michael redman has lost count of how many years he ', s been writing this column -- 21 years . . . 22 years -- while watching the sunflowers outside his window swaying in the cool breezes . )
pos susan granger ', s review of " songcatcher " in the midst of this summer ', s fare of dinos revisited and romantic fiascoes  there are a few thoughtful movies - and this appalachian period drama is one . oscar nominee janet mcteer ( " tumbleweeds " ) stars as dr . lily penleric  an accomplished musicologist who  back in that pre - feminist era  was refused a full professorship at her university . determined to prove her worth  she ventures deep into the rugged mountains of north carolina  where her younger sister elna ( jane adams ) runs a school . there in bear creek  she discovers a treasure - trove of traditional scots - irish and english folk ballads  given a unique interpretation by the insular locals . excited  she sends for recording equipment and persuades vinie butler ( pat carroll ) and other self - sustaining mountain folk to share their musical heritage on her edison phonograph cylinders . their music  as she puts it  is " as much a part of life here as the air you breathe . " that ', s the main thrust of writer - director maggie greenwald ', s occasionally uneven culture - clash story  which is loosely based on olive dame campbell ', s foray through the blue ridge mountains in 1908  but there ', s also some melodramatic romantic spice . ornery  bearded  banjo - picking aidan quinn falls for the statuesque  passionate " songcatcher  " while elna secretly engages in a lesbian relationship with a colleague ( e . katherine kerr ) . i ', m ready to buy the soulful soundtrack with vocalists like emmylou harris  iris dement  taj mahal and young opera star emmy rossum who plays a pivotal role as mcteer ', s wide - eyed prot ? g ? . rated pg - 13  there ', s an intense scene of primitive childbirth . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " songcatcher " is an intelligent  extraordinary 8  transported by the transcendent power of song .
pos elizabeth is a potent historical drama set in england in the mid - 1500s . it is a time when stately royal ceremonies are as commonplace as public burnings . internally  the catholics wage war against the protestants . meanwhile  spain  scotland and france strategize their next moves in the struggle for power . little does england know that a young woman named elizabeth ( cate blanchett ) will be their greatest hope for survival . the film charts elizabeth ', s tumultuous struggle to gain true power over her kingdom . as a protestant  she is the last person any of the catholic royalty would want to be queen . but her half - sister queen mary ( kathy burke )  deathly ill and unable to conceive a child  pleas with elizabeth to take over the throne . mary gives her her blessing on only one condition : that elizabeth renounce her faith and uphold the teachings of catholicism across the land . once declared queen  elizabeth immediately finds herself under assault  both by her own subjects ( including the duke of norfolk  played with steely - eyed grace by christopher eccleston ) and by forces abroad . slowly but surely  the neophyte ruler takes england by its reigns and forges a new path for her kingdom . elizabeth is surrounded by a keenly drawn cadre of subjects and advisers . her closest ally is the mysterious sir francis walsingham ( geoffrey rush  in a perfectly subtle performance ) . also on her side is sir william cecil ( sir richard attenborough )  her well - meaning but misguided chief adviser . with few people she can trust  elizabeth must prove her self - worth any way she can  even if it means being the iron - fisted ruler she secretly despises . blanchett deserves an oscar for her performance as elizabeth . she portrays the young queen with just the right balance of gawky self - consciousness and shrewd charisma . though not a classical beauty  blanchett is able to entrance the viewer with just a coy smile or an impish smirk . she is at home with her character ', s playful tendencies  particularly in one scene where elizabeth dances unabashedly with childhood friend and lover lord robert dudley ( joseph fiennes ) . whether fending off unctuous suitors or " playing " the houses in court  blanchett ', s elizabeth radiates a confidence which impossible to dislike . almost as interesting as the character of elizabeth are shekhar kapur ', s visual delights . he and cinematographer remi adefarasin have crafted a film with a rich color palette that is a feast for the eyes . rolling green hills  extravagant ceremonial galas  dark and foreboding corridors -- all are depicted with a real sense of artistic appreciation . the castles and cathedrals of europe have rarely been doted on so lovingly as they are here . though writer michael hirst ', s script gets a little murky at times  and his injections of humor get a little overplayed  elizabeth pulses with the right amount of dramatic and cinematic verve to make it just deserving of a theatrical viewing . as a whole  the story survives because elizabeth ', s struggle is one which deserves attention . by the time she makes her shocking ( but very sensible ) final declaration  we ', re ready to bow to elizabeth as our own queen .
pos making his directorial debut  actor jon favreau brings along his swingers co - star  vince vaughn  for this tale of two mugs on a career trajectory to nowheresville . favreau  who also wrote the script  is bobby  vaughn is ricky . by day they are construction workers . they also are wanna - be contenders  but neither has had much success . their last bout pitted them against each other and was a draw  leaving bobby ', s record at 5 - 5 - 1 . these two l . a . not - so - wise guys also work for max ( peter falk )  a mid - level mobster  who is patient and understanding with bobby  but who hates ricky ', s guts . max has an easy job for bobby ; fly to new york and make a simple delivery to a gangster named ruiz ( a smooth and silky sean combs ) . bobby  because of his lifelong friendship with ricky  pleads with max to give his pal another chance and let him tag along to the big apple . against his better judgment  max agrees . of course ricky  a motormouth who inserts both feet everytime he speaks  nearly screws up everything . while bobby tries to stay calm and professional  ricky begins swaggering and throwing money around as if he was john gotti or tony soprano . the constrast in styles and the chemistry between favreau and vaughn is what makes made so enjoyable to watch . favreau with his hound - dog face and slow - burn personality could be a modern - day oliver hardy  only much wiser . vaughn is like someone vaccinated with a phonograph needle  he just keeps yakking and yakking  unaware of the havoc he creates . yet despite bobby ', s constant aggravation and agitation with his partner  a bond of affection and loyalty binds them . the contrast between the two friends is interesting to watch . bobby is button - downed  tightly - wound  always waiting for the next shoe - courtesy of ricky - to drop . ricky is mostly oblivious to the problems he creates and is genuinely surprised when he comes under attack for his faux paus . in new york  the two lackeys are like fish out of water  stumbling from one situation to another  trying to keep alive . combs is elegant  cool and low - key menacing as the gangsta they are sent to meet . falk is amusing in his small role  while famke janssen nearly breaks your heart as bobby ', s lowlife girlfriend . more than anything  made is a movie with heart . it is loud  obnoxious and very talkative . but the cameraderie between bobby and ricky holds the key to its interest . favreau does a commendable job in his directorial debut . he is a player to be watched as he can only improve with experience .
pos set in the wild west  this carry on centres around the arrival of the rumpo kid ( sidney james ) and his cronies in stodge city . his dodgy dealings and summary shootings aggravate judge burke ( kenneth williams ) so much that he asks sheriff albert earp ( jon pertwee ) to drive rumpo out of town . instead  the rumpo kid shoots the sheriff dead . therefore  judge burke sends for a law marshall to come in and clean up the city . due to a misunderstanding  an english sanitary engineer called marshall p . knutt ( jim dale ) is assigned  without knowing it  as the law marshall for stodge city . he arrives at the same time as annie oakley ( angela douglas ) who is seeking revenge for her father  the sheriff ', s murder . when marshall arrives at stodge city  he soon becomes aware of the misunderstanding and due to his rather limited intellect  he is manipulated by the rumpo kid and always ends up getting things wrong . in the end  there is a head - to - head between rumpo and marshall . with the rumpo ', s past experience  it would seem that marshall is out of his depth  but using his sanitary skills and learning the ways of the west from annie oakley  he at least stands some chance ! sid james  with an american accent  is perfect as the rumpo kid  a part which suits him down to the ground . jim dale provides one of his best carry on performances as the stupid sanitary engineer  and angela douglas is very effective in her role as the revengeful daughter . other regulars that appear in this movie include charles hawtrey and bernard bresslaw ( in his debut ) as big heap and little heap respectively . big heap is the local indian leader and the crazy casting of hawtrey for this part is very amusing  as is his performance : - he steals every scene he is in even though he does not enter the film until thirty minutes past . joan sims provides useful and amusing support as belle  the local bar owner who takes a fancy to the rumpo kid . however  the part of doc played by peter butterworth and sheriff albert earp played by jon pertwee are not really necessary  and pertwee ', s performance is rather poor . kenneth williams uses a new voice but struggles with the weak part of the ', judge ', . even so  this carry on was sid james and kenneth williams ', favourite . a very different carry on film  in that it is played more seriously by the actors and possesses more realism than any other carry on . the death count is the highest of any carry on film . sets  costumes and action sequences are all very commendable . the songs that are included in the movie ( the title song and annie ', s song ) are very impressive . a strange but therefore very interesting carry on film . not the best of its kind but it is certainly the most distinctive film of the series .
pos for example  in happy gilmore  sandler plays a rookie golfer trying to beat a self - confident jerk of a pro . if the star were any other comic  that would be enough motivation to drive the movie  but with sandler  the rookie also wants to win the prize money to help his grandma keep her house . that extra motive doesn ', t make happy gilmore a funnier movie . it doesn ', t really add any genuine emotional depth  either . in fact  the motive is almost totally irrelevant to the movie . but sandler ', s philosophy seems to be  if it ', s a token gesture  why not make it a nice gesture ? that is endlessly refreshing . in the wedding singer  sandler is right on track . the fact that he ', s a wedding singer is only superficially relevant to the story . what kind of a wedding singer he is is even less important . david spade could have filled the role with cynicism and sarcasm . he could make fun of the fat  ugly  or embarrassing people he meets at weddings  and the story would be intact . but sandler instead brings a mature goodness to the character . he seems to really enjoy the people at weddings and treats them as though they were his own family . robbie hart ( sandler ) doesn ', t just sing at weddings ; he also gets the loners to join in and have fun  and he smooths it over when someone does something embarrassing . he is exactly the man you would want at your wedding . the day comes when robbie has his own wedding  and he is stood up by his heavy - metal bride ( the movie is set in 1985 ) . robbie takes it hard . he doesn ', t sleep  he doesn ', t eat  and he gets punched out at work when he sings " love stinks " at a wedding . julia ( drew barrymore )  who waitresses all the weddings in town  gives him a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to . eventually  robbie starts rebounding toward julia . he really likes her  but she ', s engaged . her fianc ? is a self - confident jerk ( do i see a trend - nope  just a formula ) who doesn ', t deserve her  but robbie is too depressed to fight for her hand . julia seems to like robbie too  but she can ', t leave her seemingly safe and stable fianc ? for the off - chance that robbie might be serious about her . you know the story . you ', ve seen it a million times before . there ', s always a new way to tell it  with new lovers  new chemistry  and new details  but it ', s the same story . and sometimes  it works . the wedding singer works . first of all  the chemistry between sandler and barrymore is effective . actually  it ', s not so much the chemistry between the two as it is each one ', s own romantic tension . sandler captures the forlorn sleepwalking look of a jilted man  struck with an unattainable love . barrymore is charming as the girl next door looking for someone serious to settle down with . sparks don ', t fly when they kiss  but they both seem right for each other . second  their love is mature . they are not driven by passionate sexual attraction - they ', re a cute couple  but neither sandler nor barrymore is centerfold material . instead  they are both looking for someone meaningful  someone to settle down with  someone to grow old with . at a wedding  robbie comforts a kid throwing up in a dumpster while julia sits by . the repulsing situation is taken in stride  as if the two were already parents  caring for their sick child . the ? 80s soundtrack and references play a big part in this movie . other critics liked this movie in part because of the ', 80s soundtrack . i liked it in spite of the soundtrack . often  the music and references felt forced . for example  robbie tells his ex - fianc ? to " get out of my van halen t - shirt before you jinx the band and they break up . " ( ha ha ha . get it ? david lee roth did leave van halen ! ) or how about when sammy ( allen covert )  robbie ', s chauffeur friend  shows up at a party wearing a michael jackson jacket and - get this - a single silver glove . ( that ', s exactly what mj used to wear all the time ! ) . unfortunately  making fun of generalizations about a past era is too easy to be rewarding . that ', s not to say the movie isn ', t funny . screenwriter tim herlihy has written for sandler before ( billy madison and happy gilmore )  and the two make a good combination . herlihy knows what sort of jokes sandler is good at and has tailored the script to his straight - faced  smart - aleck style . let ', s hope herlihy and sandler stick together for a few more projects because this movie really won me over . with barrymore ', s charm and sandler ', s heart  it was hard to go wrong .
pos " when it ', s cold  molecules aren ', t moving . everything is clean . " these are the essential words of mikey carver ( elijah wood )  a young teenage boy living in 1973 new canaan  connecticut in the ice storm . when mikey delivers these words to a bored science class  it is unlikely that anyone realizes how much they parallel mikey ', s life and the lives that surround him . his father jim ( jamey sheridan ) is rarely seen and his mother janey ( sigourney weaver ) is having an affair with married neighbor ben hood ( kevin kline ) . ben ', s wife elena ( joan allen ) suspects the affair  but doesn ', t say anything . meanwhile  ben ', s 14 - year - old daughter wendy ( christina ricci ) continuously lures mikey and his younger brother sandy ( adam hann - byrd ) into sexual explorations . tobey maguire plays paul hood  the 16 - year - old narrator of the story who also happens to be the least prevalent character . we start the film with an interesting outlook on family from paul . he compares family to the fantastic four comic book  and even goes so far as to say that family is everybody ', s own anti - matter ; something everybody will return to eventually  and the farther you go  the deeper you ', ll return . the ice storm is a character piece that explores a dismal time both in america  and in the individual lives portrayed in the movie . everything parallels everything else . the young teenagers trying to discover who they are thru drugs  sex  and alcohol is really almost identical to the parents trying to figure out the purpose in their own lives using the same methods . " when it ', s cold outside  the molecules aren ', t moving . everything is clean . " everything is clean because nobody will admit what ', s going on . even the president is on tv denying his wrong - doings . how can you expect anything more out of a couple of suburban families riding the coattails of sexual revolution ? all the sex and drugs is so obviously empty  and i think that ', s the point of the film . at first viewing  the entire movie might seem empty  but then why shouldn ', t it parallel itself ? you don ', t get to know the characters very deeply  but i think that ', s because nobody in the movie knows each other either . we sadly watch two families go about their lives nearly oblivious to one another . at first glance  you might think emotion is lost in the ending scenes because you haven ', t gotten to know the characters well enough to sympathize - then you realize that just might be the point  and then you do feel the pain . the acting by all is quite good  but i particularly liked elijah wood . he doesn ', t seem to be receiving as much recognition as the others  but i still found him to possess quite a real sense of being . christina ricci is being acclaimed for her part as the misguided teenage temptress who looks for something more to her life in the pants of every available boy . still  i say hats off remain to wood  joan allen ', s subtle but believable performance as a lonely  unappreciated wife  and the always excellent kevin kline . tobey maguire did a fine job  but his character which  perhaps  was the most intact  sensible person in the story  seemed a little lost . he was needed  but perhaps he should ', ve been used more . the ice storm is being hailed by many as one of the best films of the year . i hate to say that i don ', t agree  but i don ', t . in fact  i can think of many other films that i would rank higher than this one . even so  it is a very good film . it takes a lot of retrospect to fully appreciate it ', s art  but when you finally start seeing things in it that you didn ', t before  you start to grow even fonder of the characters and the story . perhaps this is one to see  ponder  and then watch again with different eyes .
pos " the end of the affair " is a dark and moody romantic period piece  that neil jordan exquisitely writes and directs . although it ', s slow and sometimes confusing to follow  it still manages to give audiences a moving experience . based on graham greene ', s novel of the same name  the film mainly follows 3 characters . there ', s maurice bendrix ( ralph fiennes ) who has an affair with henry mile ', s ( stephen rea ) wife sarah ( julianne moore ) . sarah finds henry to be a bore  because well  he ', s just a normal guy . it ', s all work and no play with him . while maurice on the other hand falls madly in love with sarah  and would do anything for her . unfortunately the two break up . this is all witnessed in a serious of flashbacks  so that leads us to the present . it ', s a few years later  and they both still think of each other  so maurice hires a private detective ( ian hart ) to see what sarah is up too . while this may sound straight forward it ', s not . it ', s a deep dark tale of the jealousy that lies in the two men  unhappiness  and the ever lasting love . all this may sound like a drag  but it really captures your interest . with great performances by ralph fiennes ( doing another english patient type of film  only this movie is better ) and julianna moore who definitely deserves an oscar because out of all 5 films she did in 1999  i believe this was the role  she had the most passion for  and you can see why . the story was also well written thanks to neil jordan . even though i didn ', t read the book  there ', s no doubt in mind that it was just as moving and descriptive . what ', s so moving about it you ask ? the tragedy of it all . it ', s not the typical romance  in which a guy finds a girl  they fall in love and all is well  this is more complicated and depressing . it really shows the complexity of a relationship  because nothing is ever perfect . everyone feels a different way and that is what tears us to pieces . back to neil jordan ', s script  it wasn ', t only red roses . there were times when i felt it too be a little slow  but most romances are . it also tended to be a bit confusing  especially at the start . it keep jumping around from past to present  so it obviously took awhile to get a grasp of things . also a notable was the superb direction by neil jordan . i ', d have to say this is his finest achievement to date  because quite frankly i ', ve never really found his work to be up to par . it just never did anything for me  until now . when it ends  it leaves viewers a little saddened  but provoked nonetheless . this is definitely one of the best films of 99  and had some of the best acting  most notably by moore . not for all movie goers  but for those who are film buffs and want something of value .
pos titanic is  without a doubt  the best movie i ', ve seen all year . and believe me  i ', m not an easy critic to impress : the english patient was too long  men in black was over - hyped  and several of the " big summer releases " were dead in the water . thank god this film got delayed until december . it ', s my christmas present . titanic is in the tradition of the old hollywood epics of years - gone - by  and it is truly a stunning film . while watching this picture you are completely mesmerized  never taking your eyes off the screen  nor checking your watch to see how much longer it ', s gonna last  despite its 3 hour plus running time . as a friend of mine  who ', s a true titanic - buff  said " if someone doesn ', t like this film  it ', s because they didn ', t want to . " truer words are hard to come by . of course  it doesn ', t hurt that this film comes from one of my favorite directors  james cameron  who is unarguably the greatest action director of all time . if you wish to argue that point with me  look at his list of credits : the terminator  aliens  the abyss  terminator 2  true lies  etc . still care to disagree ? not only has cameron helmed the directorial duties of this film  he also wrote  produced  and edited it . and to show his true faith for the project  he renenged all directing fees and percentage points to ease the budget costs . it ', s obvious he truly loves titanic . the film opens with footage  both real and fake  of an underwater excursion by special submarines to the bottom of the atlantic  where a team of explorers lead by bill paxton are searcing for a diamond called the " heart of the ocean "  which  according to bill paxton ', s character  would be worth more than the hope diamond today . their search turns up  dissapointly  no diamond  but instead a drawing of a young woman wearing the diamond . this picture is broadcast on cnn and is seen by a 101 year old woman named rose  who claims to be the girl in the picture . she is flown out to sea to meet bill paxton and to tell them about the diamond . almost all of the rest of the movie is her narration of the past . rose ', s narration shows us how she was an unhappy young girl  engaged to a rich man named cal hockley ( billy zane ) that she didn ', t want to marry . her mother is pushy and obnoxious  and cal hockley is arrogant . they are boarding the titanic  which is sailing to america  and this is where she is to marry cal . meanwhile  a young man named jack dawson ( leonardo dicaprio ) and his italian friend ( danny nucci ) win two 3rd class tickets aboard the titanic in a poker game . they are overjoyed  and rush aboard just as the boat is leaving . for them  this is their ticket to america  to a better life . for rose  she is sailing to her doom . the first hour and a half or so of titanic tells the story of how rose dewitt ( kate winslet ) and jack dawson fall in love . it ', s the classic wrong - side - of - the - tracks story  and does sometimes resort to a few cliches . but as i said above  the love portion isn ', t sappy and doesn ', t " weigh the film down "  as some critics have said . it ', s sweet  and it didn ', t make me restless at all  despite the fact that i usually hate love stories . of course  it might help that cameron introduces some pretty interesting characters to help keep our eyes glued to the screen . most of these people actually were passengers on the titanic back in 1912  including the enigmatic molly brown ( played by the talented kathy bates )  the captain of titanic ( bernard hill )  and so on . all of these characters add an extra depth to the film  and make it that easier to watch . of course  things really start to get going after the hour and a half mark  where the titanic strikes the iceberg and begins a slow sink to the bottom . the sinking is depicted realisticly  and the effects are truly amazing . it is not told in a heroic fashion sense either  as people are portrayed as panicking  pushing others aside to get on the limited lifeboats  and drowning and dying horrible deaths . the best part of the movie  in my opinion  comes at the very end  when we flash back to the future . the crew  who at first had been skeptical of rose ', s story  now are totally aborbed by her . rose goes out onto the ship ', s ledge  and we then learn a secret about her that catches us off guard . we then see a dream of rose ', s  in which she returns to the titanic and is dancing with jack dawson . most people i talked with after the movie saw this as only a dream . however  i think it symbolized more ; i think it meant that rose had died  and is going to a sort of heaven  which would be the happiest part of her life : her and her one true love  jack . if anyone has seen the movie and would like to voice an opinion about this  e - mail me at venom8 @ hotmail . com .
pos sometimes you just have to tip your hat to a film . sometimes you just have to jump on the bandwagon and enjoy the ride . i saw the truman show with an audience full of teenagers  most of whom were no doubt drawn by ace ventura himself and hoping to see his latest take on fart jokes . surprised  they may have been  when they realized that this picture actually had something to say . but by the attentiveness of the crowd i ', d say they were won over - as was i . i can ', t tell yet if truman really is that good  or if it only seems that good in comparison to the awful mountain of crap spewed forth from the bowls of hollywood so far this year . time alone will make that call . but by the end of the film we were all on truman burbank ', s side . we were concerned for his well - being  and wanted him to win . that we felt as we did is a tribute both to the film and to jim carrey  who has achieved legitimacy at last . the truman show is a film best viewed cold  with as little foreknowledge as possible about the plot . unless you ', re under a media blackout  however  you probably know the basics . carrey stars as truman burbank  a capra - esque everyman insurance agent living with his beautiful wife meryl ( laura linney ) in the south florida island town of seahaven  which looks like michael eisner ', s idea of the perfect american small town . truman would seem to live the perfect middle class lifestyle  complete with a working wife  a best bud  friendly neighbors and interesting co - workers . there is tragedy in his past - his father drowned in a horrible boating accident  leaving truman with a dreadful fear of water  and of travel in general - but overall  life is good . but then one day as truman leaves his house for work  a klieg light falls magically from the sky . this curious event may lead truman to discover what the rest of the world already knows : that he is a prisoner on the world ', s biggest soundstage  that his wife  friends and relatives are all actors paid to interact with him  and that his life has  for over 10  000 days  been broadcast as the world ', s most popular television program . what makes the first hour of truman so enjoyable to watch is the magical verisimilitude painstakingly constructed by niccol and weir . the soundstage  we ', re told  is " only the second man - made structure visible from space . " truman ', s movements are tracked ceaselessly by 5  000 cameras scattered throughout the town : button cams  dashboard cams  mirror cams  wife cams  big cams and small cams . weir cuts the film so we ', re never quite sure if we ', re watching truman through the camera of director weir or through the camera of the show ', s omnipotent creator christof ( ed harris ) who oversees the show from a control room built into the man - made moon in seahaven ', s sky . the second act offers a plethora of clues for truman as to the truth of his existence . his best friend marlon ( noah emmerich ) always has a six pack of beer with him . his wife seems to exist in an eternal commercial in which she is always endorsing the latest hot household product . he sees the same people walking in the same set patterns all over town . one wonders why he didn ', t pick up on any of this earlier  but christof has an answer for this : " people tend to accept the reality with which they ', re presented . " nevertheless  truman begins to grow restless  and dreams of escape to fiji  where an old college sweetheart ( natasha mcelhone ) supposedly lives . this convincing reality of television as progenitor of reality is a magical and provocative concept ; the best thing jim carrey does is stay out of its way . by underplaying truman  he allows the subtle manipulations of the film to take over . there is a particularly poignant scene in which truman confides his fears to marlon  and marlon answers with best - friend sincerity  " i ', d gladly step in front of a bus for you . " but that line was fed to marlon through an earpiece by christof . the abject cruelty to which truman is subjected to hits home - and from that moment  we ', re on his side . the truman show derives much of its success from playing to our own secret paranoid fantasies - haven ', t we all  at least once  doubted our place in the world  doubted the sincerity of those closest to us ? ultimately  however  the picture rises above its own artifice to raise some real questions about the relationship of humankind and our creator . what does god really think of us ? does he resent our abandonment of paradise ? who exactly is watching us  up there in the sky ? if you enjoy the picture as much as i did  credit weir for allowing the magic of the screenplay to work . as for carrey - well  truman burbank is the kind of role that jimmy stewart was born to play . carrey is no jimmy stewart ; to his credit  he doesn ', t try to be . he just tries to feel the way you or i would  if we suddenly found out that the whole world was watching us .
pos i didn ', t realize how apt the name of this movie was until i called the mpaa ( the motion picture association of america - the folks who decide what ', s g  nc 17  pg  r or x ) to ask why the preview was rated r . so that we can make some sense of their response  let me tell you about the movie itself . " the celluloid closet " is a documentary about how homosexuality has been portrayed in the movies over the past several decades . it ', s brilliant  funny  naughty and extremely poignant . it tore at my heart to watch a gifted lesbian screenwriter explain that  as a rule  gay audiences hunger for any hint of homosexuality on screen . regardless of how veiled - or how sordid - the presence of a gay or lesbian person allows others to lessen their sense of isolation and makes them feel as if they ', re not quite so invisible as america seems to want them to be . the movie itself is rated r - and for good reason . it contains scenes of bloody  violent gay bashing and graphic  uninhibited  sex . as with any movie  i appreciate knowing about these things ahead of time  so i can decide for myself whether to see the movie with a friend  a date  my 11 year old niece  alone or not at all . but  that ', s the movie . now back to the preview . prior to this film being theatrically released ( it was originally filmed as a documentary for hbo ) i had seen the coming attractions trailer for it at least six times . there was no nudity  no violence  no bad language  nothing that i could see that would be offensive or inappropriate for a general audience ( okay  whoopi goldberg did refer to someone " boning " someone  but the last i knew that wasn ', t one of the seven words you can ', t say on tv ) . except for a scene of two fully clothed men kissing . hmmmmm . when i inquired about the rating on the trailer  a very nice woman at the mpaa quoted from " the handbook " that a trailer approved for all audiences could contain " no homosexuality or lesbianism and no going down on someone . " hello ? i was in the office and it was the middle of the day . bravely  i pursued . " i ', ve seen that trailer  oh . . . probably half a dozen times  " i gulped . . . " and i don ', t remember that scene . " " well  " she chirped . " it ', s there . our little eyes are trained to see that . " no really . in the words of dave barry  " i am not making this up . " they are " trained " to " see that ? " when someone who was shocked at the rating the first time and made a note to watch it carefully the following five times or so managed to let it slip past her ? gosh  i certainly don ', t mean to question the mpaa  or " the handbook " . i would  however  like to suggest that it ', s they who are in the closet on this one . and the light ain ', t good in there . but  having seen " the celluloid closet  " and being one of a handful of straight people involved in a primarily gay and lesbian weekly bible study ( email me and i ', ll give you the details )  none of this was any big surprise . the point of the movie was that homosexuality  even in the politically correct 90s  is ridiculously perceived as a threat to a mostly heterosexual society . a point well made in this candid and honest film . now  i could go off on the mpaa ', s ruling that a trailer must contain " no homosexuality or lesbianism " and ask how that is defined  particularly in light of some of the things  both sexual and non - sexual  that i ', ve watched straight people do in trailers . i just don ', t feel the need to go there  because it seems so obvious . i ', ll instead suggest that the mpaa re - evaluated their evaluation criteria . let the ratings reflect not subject content  like " sex " and " violence " . let them reflect attitude content . in the future  i ', d be interested in knowing whether the movie is rated d for disrespectful or s for stereotyped . then i ', d truly be able to make an informed decision about how i spent my time .
pos 118 minutes ; not rated ( though i suspect it would be rated pg for adult themes and language ) mamoru oshii is a name that probably isn ', t very well - known to most american audiences  but perhaps it should be . oshii was the director of last year ', s best - known japanese animated film import  _ghost in the shell_  and is known among fans of japanese animation  or anime  for making films with a deep philosophical bent . one of these films was the first theatrical venture for the patlabor animated series . in its many incarnations -- graphic novels ( " manga " )  two different runs of made - for - video episodes ( original animation videos  or oavs for short )  and a television series running to nearly fifty episodes -- patlabor has proven to be one of the most popular series ever in japan . set in the very near future ( though it was a somewhat farther away near future when the series was first conceived )  this atypical giant robot anime features the characters  rather than the machinery  as the primary focus . as a whole  patlabor is the story of an exciting time for japan . as the prologue to each episode of the television series explains  giant industrial robots  known as " labors " ( an interesting play on words  considering that " robot " is derived from the czech word for labor )  have come into widespread use in japan toward the close of the twentieth century . with the rise of labors  however  has come a new menace -- labor crime . this led to the creation of the two special vehicle divisions  using patrol labors to fight labor crime . the patlabor story centers around the second special vehicle division  sv2  who  through no fault of their own  have acquired a bad reputation for destructiveness . sometimes utterly hilarious  sometimes almost deadly serious  the patlabor series explores the interpersonal relationships of the special vehicle crewmembers  and also looks at the effects of technology on modern life . those who are unfamiliar with the patlabor story and characters may find themselves slightly confused coming into the movie  although there is ample background exposition provided for new viewers . the story  as has much of patlabor before  centers around the controversial babylon project  a gigantic seawall that will  on its completion  allow the reclamation of thousands of square miles of land from tokyo bay . this project has been an almost constant target of environmentalist terrorists  most notably the house of sea organization . however  the threat in this case comes not from any terrorist  but from someone who is already dead . . . shinohara heavy industries  the premier labor manufacturer in japan ( if not the whole world )  has just come out with a new operating system that increases labors ', movement speed and efficiency by 30 % . this hyper operating system  hos for short  has very quickly been installed into well over 90 % of the nation ', s labors . . . including the patrol labors of sv2 . since that installation  dozens of labors  including a heavily - armed military model  have begun to go on berzerk rampages for no apparent reason . . . and the only factor they all had in common was that they were all running under the new hos . ( some wags have compared this to windows 95 . ) it ', s up to asuma shinohara  labor command officer with sv2 and the son of the president of shinohara heavy industries  to find the source of these problems before more labors -- including sv2 ', s own -- fall victim to them  and before hos drags his father ', s company down with it . as was the case with _ghost in the shell_  if you just want a no - brainer actionfest  this might not be the movie for you . _patlabor : the movie_ is more of a psychological thriller  a technological suspense drama . it is closer  perhaps  to a chrichton novel than to an action movie ( crichton novels that have been made _into_ action movies notwithstanding ) . there are long  thoughtful montages of dialogueless footage as two investigators make their way through slums and derelict housing in old quarters of tokyo  similar to sequences from _ghost in the shell_ . this movie is fraught with symbolism -- in fact a large part of it is based on christian symbolism . patlabor ', s near - future setting is  aside from the giant robots tromping around  very similar to our own present day . the film uses this setting to make its central point : is progress moving too fast for humans to keep up ? are history and culture falling by the wayside like the old buildings that are being torn down and replaced with new ? this is a question just as applicable to today as it is to patlabor ', s alternate - 1999 setting . as far as the technical aspects of the film go ( referring to the subtitled version  as that ', s the only one i ', ve seen )  the film transfer is clear  almost phenomenally so . the animation quality is incredible  though the character design is different from what most patlabor fans will be used to . the oavs and tv series were more cheerful  better - suited to humor ; the movie  however  makes everyone look a great deal less cute  and emphasizes that this is going to be  for the most part  a deadly serious storyline . as far as cinematography goes  there are many interesting moments in _patlabor : the movie_ . i don ', t think i can recall ever seeing a fish - eye perspective used in any other animated film ( save for _ghost in the shell_  another oshii film )  or indeed  in many other movies at all . the cinematography is well - suited to the storyline  emphasizing what it needs to  though a couple of scenes ( where characters ', features are exaggerated in anger ) may seem slightly strange to western audiences . the audio track of _patlabor : the movie_ is in glorious hi - fi stereo  and should be used to demonstrate home theater systems -- it _is_ that good . even without headphones  sounds from either side of the screen can be clearly heard to _come_ from that side . giant robot footsteps are deep and booming . the sometimes - understated  sometimes - blaring score is crisp and clear  and always right on the mark  enhancing the moods created by the animated scenery . as far as the subtitles go  i have to say that they ', re among the most easily - readable subtitles i ', ve ever seen for _anything_ . large enough that they don ', t strain the eyes  but small enough not to conceal too much of the screen . although it does have several action sequences in it  most notably the climactic conclusion  _patlabor_ is foremost not an action movie . although it is a superbly - realized film  it relies in large part upon prior familiarity with some of the characters to carry the story  and that could detract from some people ', s enjoyment . my .
pos okay  let me first say  this is a beavis and butthead movie . if you do not like beavis and butthead  do not go to see this movie ! ! ! ! ! however  if you do like them  i recommened you get out right now and go see it . the movie starts off with the boys wondering what happened to their tv . they notice that it has been stolen and they vow to find it . this wind their way through america searching for dallas ( she is a woman ) . they look for her because as they are searching for the tv  they find a drunk who wants them " to do " his wife . well  of course they think he wants them to score with her when actually he wants them to kill her . and the fun starts their . this movie is a mix of funny gags that anly beavis and butthead could pull off . it is quality entertainment that only fan of beavis and butthead would enjoy . i enjoyed this movie alot because mike judge knew how to keep pace . even when they were crawling through the desert and i thought the movie started to lag  he manages to keep the laughs coming . if you expecting changes from the show keep looking . the same character  the same voices  the same everything from the show and that ', s what makes it good . you might think with a movie from a tv show  you can change a few things . often times this spells disaster for films because the film makers veer away from what made the show popular in the first place !
pos taking a few tips from the pulp fiction school of filmmaking  go is the new feature from the director of the cult hit swingers . the story centres around a group of people  who include brit simon ( askew )  and checkout girls claire ( holmes ) and ronna ( polley ) and the misadventures that they get into  split into three chapters . everything from sex to drugs to violence is covered in a film with a much blacker edge in comedy than swingers . although qt ', s touch is evident in nearly every frame  go is entertaining enough to forget about the similarities and just enjoy the rollercoaster ride . liman  who also photographed the film  has a deft touch with the camera  and the film looks good . the film also seems to have benefited from a budget  with the night - club scenes in particular looking pretty good . there ', s a twisted sense of humour running throughout which ensures that even the darkest scenes get a smirk . the young cast are talented and help bring the story to life . holmes  one of the dawson ', s creek cast ( a show i ', m not particularly fond of ) displays much talent here  and despite her largely limited screen time manages to make a three dimensional character and never becomes a caricature . askew is slightly successful  being rather obnoxious . no doubt the filmmakers intended this to make the audience cheer when what happens to him  but instead of ', funny annoying ', he ', s just annoying . he drags down slightly one of the funniest chapters  but the talent around him in that particular tale more than makes up for it . the real standout is sarah polley as the drug dealing checkout girl : her refreshing and deeply enjoyable performance makes the heavy going stories she is involved in much more entertaining . also entertaining timothy olyphant as the rather sinister drug dealer  who gives an nice evil performance . the script  written john august  is sharp and witty  with good dialogue and some funny jokes . it starts off rather slow however  but in about twenty minutes the script has found it ', s footing and just keeps getting better . the stories are largely satisfying  although occasionally there ', s too much attention on one detail but not on another . also  some of the endings seem a little forced and lucky . still  the cast have a meaty script to get into and obviously enjoy it . it could of tried a little harder in some parts however  and these parts lag . because this is a gen - xer movie  the obligatory rave soundtrack must accompany  and go ', s one is pretty decent . unlike other gen - xers movies  go never allows the music to substitute for plot or dialogue  which is a plus . go is a very easy movie to absorb into  and the audience really starts feeling for these characters . thankfully  they never become two dimensional characters who are bent and twisted throughout the movie to fit into the stories mechanics ( like the heroine in 10 things i hate about you . ) they are who they are and they stay that way . go is great fun  and a worthy follow up from the director of swingers . ignore the fact that it steals from pulp fiction and very bad things  and just sit back and enjoy the rollercoaster ride . erm  go to go  i guess .
pos garry shandling makes his long overdue starring film debut as an alien from a planet populated only by genetically created men  who are looking to take over the earth by propagating their own species there . shandling is chosen for the mission  is given the name harold anderson  and is set up as a banker in seattle . after a few disastrous " mating " attempts  he figures his best bet will be susan ( annette bening )  a former alcoholic who eventually tells harold that she won ', t have sex again until she gets married . the leader of harold ', s planet ( ben kingsley ) tells him to marry her  and harold is soon exposed to all the " joys " of married life . despite its title and premise which seem to imply that this is some jerry lewis vehicle from the late 1960s  what planet are you from ? is a very funny movie . the plot ( which the film wisely doesn ', t linger on the specifics of for too long ) is of course nothing more than framework for the jokes  most of which work very well . the material may be considered crude and tasteless by many  and i might have thought so as well had shandling not been the lead . but he brings a sort of pathetic charm to the role  and it ', s his performance that makes the film truly funny instead of just offensive . plus if you think about it  what planet are you from ? could have very easily gone the gross - out route ( considering that shandling ', s character is given a detachable penis that vibrates and hums when he gets excited ) . we never see anything though  it ', s all implied  which gives the film a touch of class amidst its crudeness . i ', m glad to see that someone in hollywood still understands the concept of " less is more " . the talented supporting cast certainly adds to one ', s enjoyment of this film . annette bening ( oddly playing a merged version of her real estate salesman character from american beauty and her ditzy spiritualist character from mars attacks ! ) does a fine job keeping up with shandling and makes a good catalyst for his brand of humor . she even manages to pull off a potentially disastrous scene where she has to perform a rather goofy rendition of " high hopes " for a lengthy period of time . ben kingsley  john goodman and greg kinnear all fare well in their performances as well  and linda fiorentino . . . good lord  there should be some sort of law stating that no woman can be that sexy . everything about her character in this film oozes raw sexuality . what planet are you from ? is available on dvd from columbia tristar home video . the disc gives you the choice of either watching the film full frame or in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1 ( and enhanced for 16x9 televisions . also included on the disc as extras : a decent making - of featurette  an isolated score track  talent files for the cast and crew  and the film ', s original theatrical trailer ( as well as trailers for wolf  men in black  bugsy and as good as it gets ) . when i first saw that the disc featured an isolated score track  i actually laughed . how great could the music for a silly little comedy be for it to get it ', s own isolated track ? well as it turns out  it ', s a mighty fine score from carter burwell ( fargo  the hudsucker proxy ) that i enjoyed listening to again while i typed up this review . kudos to columbia tristar for adding that feature to the disc . what planet are your from ? was unjustly ignored in theaters  and i hope it finds its deserved audience on home video . this fine dvd is certainly a great way to see it . [ r ]
pos there ', s a moment in schindler ', s list when a number of jews are trudging through snow  clean and crisp  dark edges and frost on the ground . one girl waltzes through  wearing a red dress that stings the eyes . it is probably the finest moment through out the film . when i first saw it i began to cry  though i could not say why . this landscape is the setting of many small moments that add up to one big whole . when one man is shot in the head we see blood oozing out onto the ground -- so black and murky  its almost pomegranate red . at another time we follow a young boy as he runs  searching for a hiding spot before finally squeezing into a toilet -- which is already occupied . like so ( citizen kane  fargo  the godfather  the godfather part ii  greed  ) many of the greatest american films  schindler ', s list plays with the concepts of money  power  and soul . but this is a movie about a man who does the right thing . starkly emotional  and brutally powerful  schindler ', s list strips away everything on the outset and leaves us ony feelings . the following that it has gained is not suprising -- this is probably  thus far  the best film of the decade . steven spielberg has always been a skilfull filmmaker -- his assured hand churned out both jurassic parks  jaws  the indiana jones films  and e . t . -- but it wasn ', t until 1993 that we saw what a brilliant man he can be . the product of his genuis is really something to see -- it can bring tears to your eyes just as it uplifts you . throughout  we sense the deep control which he so masterfully spreads . we watch oskar schindler ( liam neeson ) grow from an arrogant  self important man who hires jews only to save money into a moving figure  with a deep sense of pride and accomplishment . the film requires much work  and can be a harrowing experience -- go expecting a quick entertainment and you ', ll be bitterly dissapointed . it does reward the patient viewer . this is a mature spielberg  and his deft hands shape an absoloute masterpiece . this eqsuisite  beautiful film is a rare gem . it does a good job of summarizing why i love movies . it leaves one breathless  uplifted  and with much to think about . afterwards you can reflect on individual images  visions  and people . laconic  removed  schindler strides through the film a detached prescence who watches all  does much  and leaves feeling as if he could  should  have done more then he did and was able to . the change seems natural -- in the hands of a lesser filmmaker  it would be crude and would cheat the audience . instead we are told a tale  told a story . the film is punishing to watch  yes . but anyone who allows themselves to get involved will experience a miracle  and a genuine masterpiece of a movie .
pos i recall the trials and tribulations of my high school years . it was a period that would mercilessly force me to exit boyhood and thrust me into the unwelcome arms of adulthood . but of all the experiences that i collected throughout those tender years  i can honestly say that the toughest and the scariest thing that i had to cope with was my raging hormones and my crazed curiosity about girls and sex . yes  more scarier than my seventh grade english teacher and even scarier than the bullies that constantly hounded me  trying to deal with my personal wonderment about sex was like trying to fight an invisible monster . for all teenagers  it ', s almost like a rite of passage . and what we did was sometimes downright nasty  sometimes funny  and sometimes shocking . and all of that is terrifically and shamelessly brought to light in what might be the funniest movie this summer . ` american pie ', is a comedy about four sexually frustrated seniors that enter into a pact to lose their virginity by the end of the school year . just how great are their hormones raging ? one of them notes  after watching disney ', s the little mermaid  that ariel is soooo hot . the four schoolmates are kevin  oz  finch and jim . kevin is the only one with a steady girlfriend  but doesn ', t want to have sex until the time is just right . but what is the perfect time ? there is just no way to know  and that frightens him . oz is the big jock who decides that the way to score with the girls is to listen to them and to be more sensitive . he joins up with a jazz choir and discovers that getting in touch with his feminine side has some tremendous advantages . finch is the phobic hermit who doesn ', t stand a chance with any girl . so  he pays someone $ 200 to start spreading rumors about his prowess . suddenly  girls are lining up to go out with him . but among these friends  it is jim that is the most curious and the most fearful . when he has a chance to romp with a pretty exchange student  his inexperience comes shining through . he has much to learn  and will do anything to seek out this kind of knowledge . this may include watching scrambled porn channels or experimenting with mom ', s apple pie in a scene that is completely shocking  raunchy  yet unbelievably funny . the one thing that i want to say about this film is that it well deserves its ` r ', rating . there is stuff in here that is completely gross in the same manner that ` there ', s something about mary ', was gloriously ribald . in fact  at first this film received a sinful nc - 17 rating before a couple of more cuts finally brought it down to a teen - accessible rating . but i guess after seeing the no - holds - barred coarseness of south park  this seems tame by comparison . teens and anyone who can still remember their acne years are the ones that will laugh hardest . but unlike many teen sex comedies  there is a genuine intelligence at work here . these are four normal boys who have a natural curiosity about sex . their plans of action are thoughtful and they think about the consequences . they know what they want  yet temper it with responsibility . but almost always  it ', s impossible to know how to fight the invisible monster  and it ', s these episodes that make ` american pie ', such a carnal delight to watch .
pos full metal jacket  very much like every other hard - hitting film about the vietnam war  is an shocking  emotional depiction of the war that effected almost everyone in america . this film is more like platoon than any other in the way that it chronicles the struggles of a young man ( private joker  played by matthew modine ) during his tour in the vietnam war . however  full metal jacket gives the audience an insight into combat life very rarely seen before : boot camp . these sequences are considered to be the best part in this three act film  even though i found the later portions to be equally stunning . as in platoon  full metal jacket gets off to a quick start . the opening sequence is the initiation for the recruits  which is getting their heads shaved . from there  they find themselves standing at attention and receiving their orders from the extremely hard and punishing sergeant hartman  played extremely well by the former drill instructor r . lee ermey . apparently  the solution was found for the perfect man to play a drill instructor in the movies  because ermey depicts his character extremely well and will make you thank whomever that you were never subjected to such horrible situations . private joker gets off on the wrong foot with the sergeant  as does the large bodied private leonard lawrence ( vincent d ', onofrio )  whom is dubbed ', gomer pyle ', by sgt . hartman . the film is continually narrated by private joker  in which he explains his visions on what is going on . the entire corps  although repeatedly hammered by sgt . hartman  continues on . private pyle  however  seems to be the rag doll for the drill instructor . he continually absorbs the worst punishment and humiliation  and it basically does not stop . that is  until sgt . hartman comes up with a new plan . he will punish the rest of the soon - to - be - marines for pyle ', s goof - ups  even after joker was assigned to help him out in the best way he can . pyle then receives punishment from his fellow recruits  and things take a turn for the worst . pyle proves that not everyone is emotionally  physically  and mentally cut out for the life of a marine . after graduation  joker is sent over to the height of the action in order to document the war  which is his service . he is not a member of the infantry  and it is unclear if he will ever actually find himself in combat . when he sets out on a documenting mission  this question becomes very clear from the start . joker joins up with a platoon  along with his hometown friend cowboy ( arliss howard )  and follows their everyday actions  interviewing and filmming them along the way . he also soon finds himself in a position in which he must fight  or die . again  as in the tradition of vietnam war films  full metal jacket can be debated as to whether it is an anti - war film or not . a few of the more powerful scenes toward the end will leave you to decide . full metal jacket succeeds extremely well in documenting the life of a young man in vietnam  as have others in the past . this film  in different ways  also can be viewed as more powerful than others . that  again  is up for debate and depends on your opinion . one thing is for sure  however ; no one ever wants to experience the absolute hell that these soldiers are subjected to . unfortunately  many did .
pos oliver stone ', s latest feature is the last one standing in the long line of biographies of american presidents . it ', s a three - hour long saga about the life of one of the most hated and misunderstood leaders of the 20th century . stone doesn ', t hold back anything as he digs deep inside politics and legal maneuvers of the white house . the director holds nixon responsible for everything he has done . at the same time he creates a very human character  a brilliant and tortured man that is caught in the dirty game of politics  which is here pictured as a wild animal . he is simply trying to tame it . but the occasional switch to the raging sky and the clouds swiftly fleeing over the white house as events run ahead of the president ', s ability to control them . stone doesn ', t in any way apologize for nixon . he blames not only nixon ', s own character flaws but also the imperial presidency itself  the system that  once set in motion  behaves with a mindlessness of its own . " nixon " is a modern shakespeare story - a saga about a ruler destroyed by his fatal flaws . there ', s something almost majestic about the process : as nixon goes down in this film  there is no gloating  but a watery sigh  as of a great ship sinking . sir anthony hopkins is staggering and plays nixon with incredible honesty and understanding  creating a very emotional picture of the 37th american president . joan allen ', s magnificent and captivating performance is certainly worth an oscar statuette . she is strong and loyal as mrs . nixon . the rest of the cast is equally magnificent  including : james woods  j . t . walsh  paul sorvino  ed harris and bob hoskins . everyone does a serious and demanding job  no one are disappointing . stone never loses focus and his direction is steddy  honest and determined . he is displaying the historical facts and at the same time concentrating at the human element . at times he is showing to black and white showing flashbacks from nixon ', s youth and childhood . the flashy editing by brian berdan and frank corwin  robert richardson ', s rich cinematography and john williams ', musical score create a hectic and bizarre atmosphere . the film ', s only fault is that it ', s a bit tiering and overloaded with too much political material and legal maneuvers . still it ', s an honest and captivating - a solid piece of movie making .
pos in tim burton ', s ` sleepy hollow ',  there is a mysterious headless horseman who decapitates residents of the small town of the same name . he rides a beautiful black steed and carries an imposing sword that cauterizes the wound of his victims with an immediate swipe . burton ', s update on washington irving ', s classic tale of ` the legend of sleepy hollow ', offers us the mystery of the horseman  when the screenplay should have merely settled on the aspect of the horror . writer andrew kevin walker ( ` seven ', ) throws in perhaps too healthy a dosage of sherlock holmes  but the visual treatment of the film is absolutely entrancing  as burton offers foggy locales and detailed costumes that are gorgeous and stirring to examine . as ` sleepy hollow ', opens  we ', re greeted with a juicy cameo from martin landau  who won an oscar in burton ', s ` ed wood ', . landau plays a prominent citizen of sleepy hollow  who  on a fateful carriage ride through the forest  is decapitated by an unseen horseback rider . after two more murders haunt the residents of the quaint little town  constable ichabod crane ( johnny depp ) is sent in to investigate . landlord baltus von tassel ( michael gambon ) explains to crane that the heads have been severed from the carcass and mysteriously taken in each separate case  and that they believe the murderer is a dead hessian trooper ( played briefly by a wonderfully jarring christopher walken ) who has risen from the grave after being decapitated in the western woods . crane is not a man of great superstition  and is determined to root out the human culprit with his assortment of gizmos and gadgets ( things i was not surprised to find in a tim burton movie ) . first and foremost  ` sleepy hollow ', is a fun horror film . as with virtually all burton movies  we are treated to a wonderful score by composer danny elfman  who has once again poured excitement and imagination into an atmospheric soundtrack that accentuates the gothic mood perfectly . the horseman f / x are stylish and impressive  particularly in perfectly blended battle sequences involving actual actors . but why did i enjoy ` sleepy hollow ', as much as i did ? although enjoyable  it was not the numerous beheadings and the plentiful gore that spurted left and right . . it was the light comic touch that burton applied . the film has the sweetness of a candy apple  usually channeled through depp ', s wonderful performance as the lovable geek ichabod crane  who is no longer a mild - mannered school teacher but still attains his cowardly qualities . this is certainly not the only alteration that ', s been made . as the film progresses  it becomes apparent that walker is more concerned with the mystery of the murders than the murders themselves . the momentum is slowed considerably once crane begins piecing the mystery together  because for the audience  it ', s not an issue we particularly wish to be solved . it ', s more effective for the headless horseman to be an elusive demon than an elusive demon with an ulterior motive . still  we are still captivated by the breathtaking technical detail and burton ', s keen eye to capture our attention . the costuming is exceptional  and the dialogue is crisp and effective throughout ( it ', s recognizable that the script was refined by award - winning playwright tom stoppard ) . the supporting cast exhibits more color and playfulness than many . a blonde christina ricci is in fine form as von tassel ', s daughter katrina  and an unlikely romance between she and ichabod is surprisingly consistent . walken  michael gough ( who appeared in burton ', s ` batman ', films ) and miranda richardson are all enjoyable in tackling their separate roles . i suppose the strengths behind ` sleepy hollow ', lie within the central trio : director burton  constable depp and the headless horseman who hunts him down with ruthless accuracy . all of this is not to be taken seriously  of course . ` sleepy hollow ', is a lavish  frightening and altogether amusing reworking of a classic tale that many people cherished as children . if you ', ve got a decent head on your shoulders  you ', ll have the good sense to gallop off to the theater and enjoy it one last time .
pos ok  i admit i had a bad attitude about this film from the start . a romantic comedy about the trials and tribulations of single working parents ? with a couple of incredibly cute kids thrown in for good measure ? yuck . but it ', s not really too bad . it has a lot working against it  for me at least . in addition to the above  it is typical of a lot of recent movies in that it is really just a glorified made - for - tv movie  but longer and with bigger stars  and you have to pay to see it . it does win you over  though  even if it is painfully predictable . just think about it : two single parents  with their cute kids  are thrown together due to a missed field trip . through a day of near disasters  they cont inually meet  get in one another ', s way  cause trouble for one another  and generally insult one another at every opportunity . in fact  they hate each other so much that we know that they are  or soon will be  in love . the only people who hate each other more than lovers are married couples . so this film is predictable  just as the screwball comedies of the classical hollywood cinema were predictable ( and the screwball genre is obviously hoffman ', s model for this film ) . will they get fired from their yuppie jobs ? will they make the big soccer game that is so important to their kids ? will pfeiffer realize what a jerk her ex - husband  a drummer for bruce springsteen  really is ( aren ', t they all ? ) ? will they finally kiss ? well  what do you expect ? but there is a certain amount of satisfaction in having our expectations fulfilled  especially when it is done with as much humour  along with a lack of sticky sentimentality  as it is in this film . pfeiffer and clooney have a certain chemistry together that is surprisingly charming  and the kids are neither shoved into the background nor allowed to steal the show . one word of caution  though . this film is being billed in some places as a " family " movie . don ', t let that stop you . however  i think most kids  especially boys  would be pretty bored by this move . after all  nobody gets killed and there are no explosions . all in all  a good  non - offensive date movie . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
pos bowfinger is a good movie about the making of a very bad one . the screenplay  written by co - star steve martin  skewers everything in hollywood from cheesy science - fiction movies to chop - socky fight sequences  and all in a crafty and accomplished manner . anyone who knows of  or has had any association with movie - making should thoroughly enjoy this clever comedy for it ', s entire duration . the central premise behind the film is an inspired and promising one . bobby bowfinger ( martin )  a cheapskate and small - time hollywood producer  has always dreamed of making a successful motion picture but has never attained the proper tools to do so . a new script  an alien invasion story entitled chubby rain  has caught bowfinger ', s eye . after confronting a big - name producer named jerry renfro ( robert downey jr . ) in a restaurant  an agreement is made to finance the movie . but first  bowfinger must get renowned action star kit ramsey ( eddie murphy ) to sign in on the project . kit turns the offer down immediately  but bowfinger still has the intent to shoot the film . after emptying out his life savings  the hapless producer tells the remaining cast and crew that ramsey is involved  and then prepares to film the movie without the star ', s knowledge . the actors confront ramsey on the street  saying their lines as hidden cameras peek through bushes to capture the footage . the unknowing star  who is terrified of aliens and being abducted  is brought to believe there is actually pod people after him . when the conditions become even more treacherous  bowfinger is forced to hire a kit ramsey look - alike named jiff ( also murphy )  a sweet - natured dork who runs for coffee in - between shooting vital scenes . these include attempting a suicide run across an 8 - lane freeway  and one of the ` hot ', scenes involving supporting actress daisy ( heather graham ) removing her blouse . bowfinger takes it ', s sweet time getting started  but when the plot switches into high gear  great things happen . certain scenes are so precisely executed  perfectly framing moments that are absolutely fall - down funny . no  hilarious . standouts include the chase through a parking garage in which ramsey  who ', s supposed to be being followed  keeps checking behind him to investigate a strange tapping noise ( it ', s actually bowfinger ', s dog in high heels ) . and just try not to laugh in the climactic kung - fu sequence  featuring jiff in an excerpt from another bowfinger classic entitled fake purse ninjas . while the entire 97 - minutes of bowfinger isn ', t always on target  individual scenes may have you rolling in the aisles . masterful comedy director frank oz ( dirty rotten scoundrels  in and out )  who has never made a bad movie  ensures a quality final product and is aided immensely by martin ', s sharp - edged script . however  the real on - screen star is eddie murphy . this is the actor ', s finest work since his breakthrough into the hollywood market in the early 80 ', s . murphy excels at every corner  not only succeeding with presenting believable paranoia in the eyes of kit ramsey  but in creating a likable buffoon in jiff as well . these three talented comic minds have squeezed every morsel of potential out of this premise  and the reward is a virtually guaranteed helping of hearty laughs . steve martin generates the power behind bowfinger  but murphy fuels it . this is a summer - time comedy that  unlike something such as american pie and south park  doesn ', t break any rules . but it ', s still just as uproarious  or perhaps even more side - splitting than anything we ', ve seen this season . the supporting cast  including christine baranski as a work - loving actress and jamie kennedy as the cameraman  all perform well within their limits . the only presence that demands real attention when placed next to martin or murphy is the beautiful heather graham  as the young film star who has plans to sleep her way to the top . graham  attempting to further her stardom after appearing as the new powers ', girl in ap2  displays a cheerful but naive persona that nicely corresponds with the wackiness of the screenplay . i wouldn ', t be caught dead buying a ticket for chubby rain  but watching how it all came about is certainly entertaining enough .
pos pulp fiction  quentin tarantino ', s anxiously awaited and superb follow - up to reservoir dogs  is absolutely and without a doubt progressing as one of the most talked about  loved  and hated films of all - time . in all fairness  it should be noted that those who love this film greatly outnumber those who hate it . as if reservoir dogs wasn ', t perfect  tarantino went ahead and improved on perfection by creating pulp fiction  a fast - paced  hard talking  roller coaster ride of a movie that combines violence and extraordinary dialogue in a seemingly perfect way . every major character in this film is represented by a terrific acting performance by the actor . to begin with  the two hit men : vincent vega ( john travolta ) and jules winnfield ( samuel l . jackson ) . these two characters work together perfectly  and the performances by each actor are nearly perfect . travolta  in fact  is still trying to get out of the vincent vega role . if these two characters were not enough  there ', s the struggling boxer butch coolidge ( bruce willis )  the two small - time criminals pumpkin ( tim roth ) and honey bunny ( amanda plummer )  the big man in charge marsellus wallace ( ving rhames ) and his attractive young wife mia ( uma thurman )  and the " problem solver " himself  the wolf ( harvey keitel ) . these are just the major characters . smaller roles  but equally terrific  are handed to jimmie ( quentin tarantino )  a young married man who gets caught up in some serious gangster business  lance ( eric stoltz )  the far - out drug dealer  as well as maynard ( duane whitaker ) and zed ( peter greene )  two hillbillies who are the men " behind " ( no pun intended for those of you who have seen this ) a very disturbing scene towards the end of the film . the film interweaves three stories that  at first  seem to be nothing alike but later prove to be very critical to each other . the film begins with pumpkin and honey bunny in a small coffee shop discussing their recent robberies and hold - ups . the two quickly decide to hold up the coffee shop  unknowing of what lies ahead . after this  the film focuses for some time on vincent and jules and their hit man lifestyle . utilizing the films unforgettable dialogue  the two men discuss such things as hamburgers and foot massages before they bust into an apartment to terrorize the occupants . the two men were sent to the apartment to recover a mysterious briefcase for their boss  marsellus wallace . after basically toying with the men  especially the unfortunate brett ( frank whaley )  vincent and jules complete their mission and recover the briefcase . this is not before a man jumps out from a bathroom with a . 357 " hand cannon "  shooting at the two gangsters . he somehow completely misses them  leading jules to cite divine intervention . this is also the basis for more of the now - famous tarantino dialogue . the film then shifts to focus on boxer butch coolidge and his boxing escapades . butch was ordered to take a fall in his latest fight  but when he does not  marsellus vows to find him  wherever he is  and make sure that butch is not able to enjoy his new fortune . vincent  meanwhile  has the honor of taking marsellus ', wife  mia  out on a date while the big man is out of town . vincent  obviously  is rather nervous about this  especially after hearing the tale about a man who was thrown out of a window for supposedly giving mia a foot massage . after their date  which seems to rather smoothly  things take a turn for the worst at the hands of vincent ', s high - priced heroin  dubbed a " monster " by lance . each story continually progresses  and new and amazing events occur . eventually  the stories all meet each other in the end  with pumpkin and honey bunny holding up the restaurant  which happens to contain both vincent and jules . pulp fiction is definitely one of the best films of the decade  and possibly of all - time . along with its superb dialogue  action  writing  directing  and acting  this film will not only latch onto you  but it proves that it does not want to release you until it has sunk its claws completely into you . and with most fans of this movie  this is proved to be a rather easy task  although at times the graphic images  violence  and language may seem a bit overpowering . surely  quentin tarantino ', s fame was greatly escalated by this film  and he proves not to be one who will fade from existence very soon .
pos i think the first thing this reviewer should mention is wether or not i am a fan of the x - files . first  let me assure you that no prior experience with the series is required to fully enjoy this movie . the producers are not stupid  making a movie just for fans of the series is not profitable . you have to reach for a larger audience . therefore  the movie is quite user - friendly . altough  non - fans will only fail to understand certain emotions behind the looks many characters exchange . but fear not  duchovny and another man later on provide more than adequate background info on what is going on . you will never feel as if you just walked in on the third act of some great opera . in any case  the answer is no . i am not a fan of the x - files  i only watch it when nothing else is on and i prefer millennium . however  since the fox network as been so kind as to air several key episodes for several weeks before the movie ', s opening weekend i took that opportunity to test the movie . i taped all of these episodes and watched them only after seing the movie  i am glad to report that i learned nothing new . everything you need to know is explained to the viewer by duchovny and others . i know i am going maybe a bit too far to make my point but everybody should get the chance to experience this movie . warning : major spoilers follow ! please do not read  to fully enjoy this movie you must not be able know what is coming  what exactly is over that hill and what that weird " hummm " sound is all about . you have been warned . the x - files is what a summer should be . exciting  scary  great special effects ( unlike other summer movies the effects do not take over the movie and are only there when it is really necessary ) and good performances . this is coming from a guy who thinks david duchovny is the human equivalent of a wooden plank . from start to finish  this movie does not let go of you . when i compare it with last summer ', s movies the best way to describe it would be : take the excitement and great score from face / off and the deadly use of sound from event horizon . this flick is scary  not in a b movie kind of way where you always know where and when the critter will jump at our heroes . in fact  the first time the critter in this movie makes an apperance it is totally out of the blue . you might as well bring ear plugs because this thing is louuuudd ! the last time a monster scared me that much was when i first saw aliens as a six year old kid . you know  when you are affraid to put you feet on the floor because the creature might be under the chair  or when you keep trying to cover your throat with your shirt ? so yeah  the x - files is scary . and guess what ? you never even have to see the monster but your imagination works overtime and it sure beats having to watch a flawed  computer generated  babyzilla  it looks like you could walk right through it not even scarier than your grandma in undies type of monster . do not think that the x - files is a monster movie . in fact  the creature is there for maybe three minutes total . no  the x - files is definately a mulder episode of the series . scully is at his side  of course  but gillian anderson gets maybe half the screen time . she has a couple of good scenes with duchovny  but she gets kidnapped during the last half hour of the movie so she does not get to do much . no  this is mulder ', s time in the spotlight . by now  you have heard of the scene where mulder " showers " independence day . if you have not then i will not spoil it for you  let ', s just say that due to recent events mulder should be " showering " godzilla instead . to those of you wondering if mulder discovers that the truth is indeed out there . . . who cares ! ? if he did find it the series would over anyway so what are you complaining about ? the dialogue in interesting and the director is marvelous . the camera is almost always looking over the shoulder of our heroes so we feel as if we are right there with them when they open a door or climb a hill . the script is spotless  every thing that happens happens for a purpose . if you are confused by something  do not worry because it will all become clear later on but  and i cannot stress this enough  pay attention ! ! ! unlike most summer movies  the dialogue is twice as important as the effects . miss one vital piece of information and  like most people who talk during movies  you will go home and tell all your friends how this movie made no sense . also  to those people who need to go to the bathroom during movies . . . don ', t ! the person who watched the movie with me had to go twice and twice she missed an important conversation . there is no time to take a breather between scenes because  again unlike most summer movies ( godzilla anybody ? ) the x - files does not need to fill scenes between the suspense and the action with useless subplots  every scene is crucial and serves a purpose . who needs to see the blond chiouaoua have a " big emotional scene " between godzilla attacks ? so far this summer i have seen only one movie who ranks higher on my list of movies i ', d recommend and that is the truman show but it only wins by a nose . but the truman show is not what i would call a summer movie  the x - files is . what more do you ask from a summer movie other than the chance to be excited ? cool effects ? it ', s good some . pulse pounding ? hell yes ! strangely enough  i think that fans of the series will hate this movie while non - fans will have a good time . it does not provide answers to the show ', s many questions  the status quo remains nearly the same and  no  mulder and scully do not get together . rating : four and a half out of five stars for the best movie yet this summer  several jump right out of your seat thrills  many " whoah  i never saw that one coming ! " moments  four " holy shit  where the hell did that come from " and one heck of an ending . you may wonder where this movie lost half a star . well  i swore never to give a movie the full five stars so i had to find something about the in his ice truck  the tracks it leaves in the snow behind him go on for several miles but then they just stop . it ', s pretty obvious the film ', s makers drove the truck for several miles to give the appearance that mulder had been driving for a long time  but in the end it looks like mulder just dropped from the sky and started driving .
pos i know it already opened in december  but i finally got around to seeing rushmore last weekend  and it was one of those rare oppritunites that i got to leave the theatre feeling proud about paying the expensive ticket price . as the final scene closed out in happy slow - mo fashion  i felt happy to have been priveleged enough to watch such a good display of filmmaking . jason schwartzman  his face oddly intriguing behind those large braces and glasses  steals the show as max fischer  the most well known rushmore academy student who gets terrible grades  but compensates for it by organizing most of the school ', s clubs and organizations ( i . e . the fencing team and writing and producing school plays ) and often pulling outrageous stunts  one that eventually earns him an expulsion . this stunt  building an aquarium on the school ', s baseball diamond  is a plot to steal the heart of widowed elementary teacher rosemary cross ( olivia williams ) . he funds this aquarium with the help of millionare herman blume ( a very oscarworthy bill murray )  who eventually finds himself falling in love with miss cross . rosemary and herman begin dating - and the fun begins ; herman and max go at it head to head in a battle for miss cross . herman manages to destroy max ', s bike  while max cuts herman ', s brakes  and it goes on like this . but eventually max realizes he is too young for miss cross  and he can ', t stand in the way of two people in love . the academy of arts & sciences really messed up this year ; they completely overlooked rushmore ( and  if you ask me  it wasn ', t an accident ) . it maybe wasn ', t best picture material  but it certainly deserved a screenplay nod ( instead of elizabeth )  and bill murray ', s absense from the ballot is a complete snub . the entire mood of the film is one reason it is so good ; at one point it ', s fun  and the next scene can turn serious and dramatic . the cinematography gives the movie an important feeling  as well . i hope rushmore can overcome its ', oscar snubs  and be enjoyed by intelligent film goers .
pos capsule : this is a film that avoids easy answers . wilhelm furtwangler  then the world ', s greatest orchestra conductor stayed in germany and cooperated with the nazis . what were his views  was he a war criminal or a secret resistance fighter ? how much did he know about crimes against humanity ? the us government investigated him after the war and this film is a dramatization of that investigation .  high + 2 ( - 4 to + 4 ) in my opinion one of the best films of the last few years is istvan szabo ', s sunshine  a film that covers the fortunes of a jewish hungarian family under the reigns of three different regimes  hungarian aristocrats  nazis  and communists . szabo ', s follow - up film  a german production  is much more limited in scope . it is about the post - war investigation of who criminally supported the nazis and who opposed them . ronald harwood ', s screenplay ambiguously looks at the investigation of a great classical music conductor who stayed on in germany when the nazis took power and became the most popular conductor of the third reich . maj . steve arnold ( played by harvey keitel ) has been assigned by his superiors to investigate wilhelm furtwangler ( stellan skarsgard )  perhaps europe ', s greatest classical music conductor . when other artists fled germany  furtwangler remained behind and conducted for the hitler and his henchmen . after the war is over arnold assigned to interview furtwangler and members of his orchestra and if appropriate to prosecute him for war crimes . he secretly is told by his commanding officer to find furtwangler guilty . from there we follow him and learn a little about arnold and something about furtwangler and his orchestra . as he interviews members of the wartime orchestra arnold starts noticing odd peculiarities that may or may not point to a conspiracy against his investigation . there is a certain sameness to the responses that he is getting . perhaps any cooperation he is getting has been in some ways managed . if so  perhaps he can never come to the truth . in large part the film is about mind games that arnold uses to manipulate his interviewees and especially furtwangler . where the script has problems is that in the end it is so ambiguous . it has no obvious resolution and not much of a final act . when it is over whether anything has been established is open to interpretation . perhaps that is better than so many films that make it all to obvious what the audience should believe  but it is like watching a murder mystery and never finding out who the killer is . we are given clues to something but they are never tied up . in the end we just know more about both arnold and furtwangler . the film is basically a stage play . the visual is not very important . corners are cut visually including touches like filling windows with photographs to avoid having to shoot on location . as with a stage play  what this film centers on the dialog  and that is intriguing . i rate the film an 8 on the 0 to 10 scale and a high + 2 on the - 4 to + 4 scale . [ there is one piece of sloppiness few people but me would notice . at one point we clearly see arnold ', s desk calendar say " jan 16 tues . " a quick mental calculation told me that combination could occur in 1945 and then not again until 1951 . the events had to take place in 1946 or 1947 . a possible date could be obtained from any world almanac . ]
pos " gattaca " represents a solid breakthrough in the recent onslaught of science - fiction films -- it ', s a genre picture that doesn ', t rely on alien creatures or loud explosions to tell its story . the movie takes place in a futuristic world where babies are created through genetic tampering and not sexual reproduction . this allows parents to predetermine what kind of eye color  intelligence and life span they ', d like for their child  and also eliminates most pesky chances of health defects . those made the old - fashioned way are labeled as " in - valids " and confined to the lower rung of society . vincent freeman ( ethan hawke ) is one such person  born not too long before the genetic process was perfected and forced to grow up in a home with his petrie dish - molded younger brother anton . fed up with being second - rate and enchanted by dreams of one day traveling through space  vincent leaves home and takes a janitorial position at the gattaca aerospace corporation . everyday  he watches as " superior " folk make his fantasy a reality . determined to do the same  vincent meets a dna broker ( tony shalhoub in a funny cameo ) who sells fake identities to in - valids . his counterpart for this scam is jerome morrow ( jude law )  an ex - athlete left paralyzed in an accident and confined to a wheelchair for life . for a price and the promise of a caretaker  jerome supplies vincent with his identity  as well as blood  skin and urine samples for all of those pesky on - the - job tests and physical examinations -- this future is one where employees clock in by pricking their fingers instead of punching a time card . because of his drastically improved status  vincent is quickly propelled to a high position in gattaca  and catches the eye of comely co - worker irene ( uma thurman ) on the way -- obsessed with her own minor heart defect  she ', s enamored by his flawless persona she doesn ', t know is a lie . but on the figurative eve of his upcoming planetary departure  the mission director is murdered . two ardent detectives ( alan arkin and billy bathgate ', s loren dean ) determine the killer is on the inside of gattaca  and the sole clue they find at the crime scene -- one of vincent ', s eyelashes -- threatens to blow vincent ', s cover and derail his goal . even if " gattaca " were dramatically empty  it would still boast a sublime set of production credentials -- the film ', s look is dazzling without ever being flashy . first - time director / writer andrew niccol ( he also wrote the screenplay for the upcoming jim carrey drama " the truman show " ) demonstrates a keen eye for the stylish ; his collaboration with cinematographer slawomir idziak  production designer jan roelfs and costume designer colleen atwood result in a sophisticated composition that emanates classy  retro ambiance . an opening credits sequence -- where skin  nail and hair fragments fall in slow - motion through a colored camera lens -- displays these combined talents uncannily . niccol even utilizes voice - over narration ( a device almost always poorly - employed ) in an effective way . when it comes to acting  the movie is also flawless . ethan hawke does magnificent work  proving his ability to carry a film and reaffirming his enormously high charisma level . his chemistry with thurman is a bit on the icy side  but needfully so  adding to the setting ', s clinical chill . as the bitter jerome  jude law has a star - making presence  and it ', s his scenes with hawke that give the movie its fine emotional core . in " gattaca " ', s series of final shots  the fates of vincent and jerome are superimposed over each other  and the effect is sad  lyrical and beautiful . things get a little strange as the movie nears its climax  when vincent ', s relationship with his brother comes back into view . the big dramatic culmination is a swim race  which is somewhat silly albeit beautifully photographed . still  the single most surprising aspect of gattaca is its use of backdrop -- it ', s successful sci - fi without showy special effects  it ', s a crisp thriller with character - driven thrills  it ', s a futuristic fable without blood and guts . even its murder mystery is relegated to a secondary subplot  ensuring that a smart story about smart people and smart science takes center stage . although it ', s portrayal of the upcoming century is grim  " gattaca " serves up one of the most thought - provoking societal forecasts ever depicted on film .
pos there was a huge crowd - so many over 100 people could not be admitted - at a premiere screening of " the nephew " ( first screening with a major general audience admittance ) . this was a movie premiere at the santa barbara international film festival . pierce brosnan ( 007 )  produced his first movie with beau st . clair . it was a constantly mind - moving and personal movie with lovely scenes of ireland . chad ( hill harper  beloved ) is a cute 17 year old mixed race ( african american and irish ) nephew  who ', s irish mother died . he comes " back to ireland "  living with the curmudgeon uncle  tony egan ( donal mccann ) . he meets pierce brosnan ', s character  mr . o ', brady ( or just brady )  because he falls in love with the beautiful daughter . there are many scenes ( ah  character scenes ) to laugh at  others pull some tears . the three mentioned above were at the premiere in the flesh  with the director eugene brady . after the movie they took questions . the movie was very good  it not fantastic . the nephew has not been " picked up " in north america but has been in the rest of the world . the nephew is generation secrecy of a " titanic " proportion . let ', s hope the rest of america will be able to see the nephew . contact given in the program guide : " print source : irish dream source  inc .  tel : ( 310 ) 449 - 3411 "
pos available in an all new video edition from arrow entertainment ( $ 29 . 95 )  with an introduction by david carradine  written & produced by wayne j . keeley f . w . murnau ', s career ended sadly and prematurely . the german director of such classics as " sunrise " and " the last laugh " died in a car accident shortly after signing a deal to make american pictures at paramount . murnau was reportedly a giant man  well over six feet  a towering figure probably incapable of anything but a grand entrance . which brings us to " nosferatu : a symphony of horror " : surely he felt a kinship with his title character  the looming vampire embodied by intimidating max schreck ; in one of the most indelible images in film history  silent or otherwise  schreck rises from his grave  gnarled hands outstretched  and he ', s so big that part of his head is cropped by the top of the frame . the plot of " nosferatu . . . " is lifted -- unauthorized -- from bram stoker ', s " dracula " . the british hutter is an eager real estate man assigned to visit and discuss future living arrangements with count orlock of transylvania . he leaves behind girlfriend emily  only to discover orlock ', s secret -- he ', s a bloodsucker -- and struggle to return to england before the nosferatu reaches his lady love . in addition to schreck ', s performance  the cinematography and effects are outstanding . arrow video ', s digitally remastered version of the classic is something of a mixed - coffin . the cover art features a red - tinted  hairy  goateed vampire staring straight at you  his fanged mouth agape  while the bodies of two sexy  writhing women entice you below . trouble is  murnau ', s monster is pale - faced  bald  pointy - eared  and non - goateed  and there isn ', t a single sexy  writhing woman to be found in his movie . this sort of misleading packaging makes little sense when one recalls the countless number of ghouslish scenes in the film from which cool cover art could have been extracted . additionally  notifying the viewer that this is in fact murnau ', s film seems like afterthought since his name and the genuine title are written in small print below our goateed vampire . that said  a good mastering job has been performed on the film itself . the original elements are not in the best condition -- non - studio silents were unlucky in their preservation -- so we ', re still dealing with a slightly washed out  scratched  jittering image . but at least the day and night scenes are tinted sepia and blue  respectively  especially helpful to an audience who may question nosferatu ', s waltzing around during what seems like sunlight ( it took a lot of light to expose stock in the twenties ) . the title cards have been redone  and they are legible  accurate  and digitally altered to flicker -- a very nice touch . ( even the opening copyright warning flickers ! ) the score has been replaced by music from type o negative  a hard - rock group  arguably gothic  and their songs underscore the film nicely -- certainly the coolest video a band can ask for . when our hero  hutter  first steps onto the doomed carriage to count orlock ', s castle  we hear a well - timed " now you ', re dead ! " from lead singer peter steele . david carradine makes an appropriately vampiric host ; he fiddles with a blade and cane while introducing the film . after the feature  which runs about 63 minutes  is included a new music video from type o negative  the black - and - white fang - fest " black no . 1 " . of course  " nosferatu : a symphony of horror " is the main attraction  and while my latest viewing raised questions ( why is the woman called emily in the title cards but " mina " -- as bram stoker called her -- in hutter ', s letters ?  for instance )  it made me realize how much this movie has inspired and been stolen from . coppola ', s 1992 " bram stoker ', s dracula " owes a great stylistic debt to murnau ', s masterpiece  but the one thing it couldn ', t thieve was the original ', s abstract charms . this latest incarnation from arrow will probably - - like the rescored " metropolis " a few years back -- turn a silent film into more palpable entertainment for the latest generation of film freaks .
pos when i left the theater after seeing david lynch ', s " lost highway  " i remarked to a fellow movie - goer  " i feel like someone just sucked my brains out through my nose and put them back in through my ears . " in his first feature film in five years  lynch delivers a film second only to his debut picture " eraserhead " on the weirdness scale . you won ', t " know " what happened when it ', s over  though there are certainly enough clues with which to make some reasonable guesses . it is difficult to describe the plot of this film  because it depends partly on how you interpret it . i can  however  describe what we see on the screen : l . a . jazz saxophonist fred madison ( bill pullman ) and his wife renee ( patricia arquette )  whom he clearly suspects of infidelity  receive a series of videotapes apparently filmed inside their house while they were asleep . they are  naturally enough  more than a little frightened and confused  and it doesn ', t help matters any when " mystery man " ( robert blake ) approaches fred at a party and proceeds to call himself on the telephone at the madisons ', house in a scene that is at once hilarious and unnerving . the next morning  fred finds another videotape which  to his ( and our ) surprise  shows him brutally murdering renee in their bedroom . he is convicted of her murder and sent to death row  where he inexplicably disappears one night and is replaced by a young mechanic named pete dayton ( balthazar getty ) . the perplexed prison officials release dayton  whose life begins to intersect with fred in a number of ways - most notably his affair with alice wakefield ( arquette again )  a blonde who is otherwise renee ', s spitting image  and another encounter with the mystery man . i would be giving away a little too much to reveal any more  but suffice it to say that lynch doesn ', t offer any neat wrap ? ups  nor does he put a lid on the metaphysical confusion : the cinematic demons of " lost highway " are out in full force from beginning to end . this description might make " lost highway " sound like a giddy exercise in haywire surrealism  but in fact  while there are traces of lynch ', s weird sense of humor  this film is anything but giddy most of the time . on the contrary  lost highway is a dark and perplexing mystery that takes lynch ', s previous excursions into murder and intrigue one step farther . the film does not revolve around a character investigating a mystery ; rather  the character * is * the mystery . there are recurring and at times deeply disturbing images of suspicion  distrust  and infidelity thoughout the film that seem to indicate a deluded  fractured psyche at the root of all the bizarre goings - on here . we  the audience  are left to puzzle out whose psyche it is that is driving this ( probably fred ', s  in my opinion ) and what  in that case  the other characters and events are meant to represent . all of this proceeds  appropriately  in lynch ', s typically slow - paced  idiosyncratic style . as is often the case  lynch relies on sound  imagery  and mood more than on dialogue and action to tell his story  and in " lost highway " it works perfectly . there are scenes when the camera lingers on fred ', s blank expression as he drifts uncomfortably down a hallway  or on his pained face in his prison cell while the haunting strains of this mortal coil ', s " song to the siren " can be heard faintly in the background ; nothing is technically " happening " in these scenes  yet they present a vivid picture of a man losing his grip just as effective as  if not more so than  the hysterical screaming found in most movie presentations of insanity . lynch ', s direction and director of photography pete deming ', s darkly lit cinematography serve to create a nearly suffocating atmosphere of tension and fear that are exactly what is needed for this story . well  most of the time  anyway - i have to admit that i was a bit bored at times during the section of the film with pete dayton as the protgaonist  which is less inherently interesting and mostly keeps the viewer ', s attention because of its tie - ins to the original mystery . the main characters in this " reality " - dayton ( a well - meaning but none too intelligent 24 - year - old )  a sleazy gangster ( who for some reason has two names but otherwise is pretty much a stock character )  and his porn - star girlfriend ( the blond arquette ) - are nothing you couldn ', t find in any of the two dozen " pulp fiction " wannabes ; fortunately  the reappearance of the mystery man as well as some other typically lynchian elements  such as the strained  awkward conversations between pete and his parents  help to preserve the film ', s spooky  unnerving tone during this stretch . lynch ', s typically graphic and disturbing portrayals of fringe sexuality  while relevant to the themes of jealousy and adultery  are also somewhat overdone here . it ', s not exactly exploitative - like almost everything else in this film  the sex is thoroughly weird and creepy and is unlikely to provide any cheap lurid thrills - as much as it is unnecessary and frankly kind of dumb by the seventh or eighth time arquette takes her clothes off . that said  these minor flaws don ', t prevent " lost highway " from attaining its place as one of the darkest  most unsettling films to hit the screens in recent years . it is a one - way ride down the lost highway of a disturbed mind  and as such it is gripping  intense  and brilliantly effective .
pos melvin udall is a heartless man . he spends his days inside of his spacious manhattan apartment writing romance novels . it also seems that melvin will never change . one day he dines ar his favorite restaurant  and is a little too mean to his normal waitress ( the only waittress that will serve him )  carol ( played to perfection by a lovely and sexy helen hunt . ) she threatens not to serve him if he doesn ', t shut up about her asthmatic son . he does shut up . to make matters considerably worse  melvin has obsessive compulsive disorder . one day his gay artist neighbor simon ( greg kinear  of talk soup fame  in an oscar - worthy role ) ', s dog threatens to dismiss himself at melvon ', s door . the dog meets the garbage chute . soon simon is sadly beaten by thieveing burglars  and ray ( cuba gooding  jr . )  simon ', s agent  takes the dog  verdell  to melvin  so that melvin can dogsit him . and through the dog and a rather heartwrenching car trip that involves simon  carol  and himself  melvin learns to emerge from his cantakerous shell . jack nicholson gives yet another oscar - caliber performance as the film ', s cynical lead  and is back at work  not playing a goofy u . s . president or a comic book villian  but instead playing jack nicjolson  and playing him full force . all of this adds up to this year ', s funniest comedy  a creative  witty  and scathing film from james l . brooks  and brooks gets award - worthy performances from the entire cast . a winner in every aspect  and a truly delicious slice of cyncial life .
pos i ', m not really sure what to think about " crash . " on the surface  it ', s a cold  boring  unerotic porn with name starts  a name director  and some cool camerawork . i mean  it left me completely bored  unsatisfied  and generally kinda weirded out . but then again  not every film ', s supposed to leave you entertained . " crash " is structured to play like a porn flick  but with significantly more plot and dialogue . while we see several extremely taboo scenes of weirdo sex  we also have a skimpy little plot going on ( mostly towards the beginning )  and maybe just a hair of characterization . not to mention the acting is generally pretty good  and we don ', t really see a lot of the actors completely exposed . but what makes it supremely different from a porn is the fact that this is not an erotic experience . this film does not posess the erotic hypnotism of " henry and june " or the just plain horniness of  say  " deep throat " ( not that i ', ve seen it ) . if one was to be made completely hot by this film  it would probably mean they were also into the whole " auto eroticism " thing . the film leaves you cold erotically ( and maybe in many other ways )  but what it does is present a group of people who live on the edge . the film opens up on a woman  catherine ( deborah kara ungar  of " the game " )  pressing her bare breast up against a car in a public air hangar . suddenly  a man enters the frame and begins to take her from behind ( the film doesnt ', show all this though  even if it is nc - 17 ) . the next scene has a film director  james ( james spader )  having sex with a camera woman ( alice poon ) in an office on the highly - populated set of his movie . the next scene has the two coming together  revealing to us that they ', re husband and wife  and them sharing in one another ', s escapades . while the two are arguably freaky people  we at least know they love to live on the edge . soon afterwards  james is driving down the road at night  reclessly of course ( he ', s reading something )  when he drifts into the other lane  and then hits another car face on . james is not killed  but the passenger in the other car flies into his seat ( obviously dying )  leaving the driver  helen remington ( holly hunter - in a porn ? )  also alive . the two go through therapy together  and when getting out  they run into eachother again . when james gives her a ride home  they almost get into another accident  and immeadiately afterwards  they go to an unbusy parking lot  and have a little quickie  as they were aroused by the accident . you wouldn ', t think there would be many people who shared this same kind of fetish  but they run into a freaky guy named vaughan ( elias kosteas ) and his crutch - carrying girlfriend  gabrielle ( rosanna arquette )  who are also into it . vaughan is into living on the edge as they are  but he takes it to another level : he loves to recreate famous car crashes . in one scene  he and a friend  colin seagrave ( peter macneill ) recreate james dean ', s car crash without any padding or safety belts  and suffer some concussions  but nevertheless get a rush ( and the attention of the police ) . soon  these five are all having sex with one another  be it straight  gay  or lesbian sex . while this is admittingly all a bit comical ( the film is almost like a black comedy )  the film does do a pretty awesome portrayal of people who ', s main fetish is living on the edge . i ', m sure somewhere there are people who get aroused by car accidents  but i personally don ', t see a connection between car crashes and sex . the main connection cronenberg shows us that both give a definite rush . his car crash scenes are quick and exciting mini - masterpieces : we ', re at first not sure if they ', ll take place  but everytime it looks like it may occur  we gasp . then when it happens  we hold our breath . the same thing happens with sex  although not in the same fashion . these people are merely taking it to another level . the only problem with the film is that it ', s a tad redundant . a normal porn lasts from an hour to an hour and a half . this goes on for about 100 minutes  and it just seems a little too long . the sex and car crashes are far between one another  and the time between them are a tad on the boring side . there ', s no characterization  although it could definitely be argued  that hey  it ', s a porn  and we ', re not here to sympathize . but still  they coulda cut it down a bit . but the film is saved with its presentation  as well as some other elements . the atmosphere is very dark and forboding  creating a kind of cool weird feeling . and there are several scenes are just amazing . one scene has catherine and james having sex  while she softly asks him questions about being with a man  which sounds almost erotic the way she says it . a sequence involving one character ', s death is filled with all the edgy disjointment that the film needs . and the final shot is shot perfectly  creating an image of a car crash  and a couple having sex in front of it  despite the fact that she ', s wounded . the acting is also pretty good  especially for what is almost a porn ( ousting linda lovelace as best actress in a porn ) . while james spader is pretty boring ( he ', s usually pretty intense )  deborah kara ungar is amazing . she speaks all her words in almost zombie - like hushes  and when she ', s having sex  she has a blank look on her face  not showing the viewer whether she ', s enjoying it or not . in one scene  she actually looks dead while someone is having sex with her . holly hunter  who gets extra credit just for appearing in something like this  is pretty good  and so is rosanna arquette ( who adds a kinda cool kinkiness to her role ) . but the film is stolen by elias kosteas who plays his character so intensely that he almost upstages everyone . he often speaks as he is out of breath  showing a definite affinity for his way of life . he has a great deal of energy in several scenes  especially one scene where he ', s taking photographs of a picture  and a later scene where he ', s getting a freaky tatoo . he and spader share sexual chemistry in several scenes  foreshadowing a later scene . kosteas is a little known actor ( his biggest role was casey jones in " teenage mutant ninja turtles " )  but here he shows a deniro - like presence  hinting that he ', s capable of bigger roles . while i hardly enjoyed " crash  " it ', s still a pretty intriguing portrayal of a group of people who  if the exist  are some of the strangest and most bizarre people in the world . these people are able to share a rush between two completely different entities  and the film  which doesn ', t exactly pain them in a negative light  is sucessful in bringing them to light  even if it leaves the viewer unnerved and generally freaked out . despite the hardcore nature of the film and the subsequent nc - 17 rating ( there ', s also an r - rated version  but i wouldn ', t even go near that thing )  anyone looking for a quick turn - on should just rent a regular porno .
pos the first thing you notice about this movie is that it ', s cold . placed in minnesota and north dakota during the winter  many of the scenes take place outside with long scenes of snow - covered ground against a background of white . just what we need as bloomington struggles out of the endless long cold night . as with most coen brothers films  this features outlandish characters in nefarious schemes  each of which works out in the oddest way possible . a car salesman hires a couple of hoods to kidnap his wife so that he can collect the ransom from her father . along the way everything that can possibly go wrong does . in brief scenes of vicious violence  people get shot through the head  in the back  face  chest and various other areas of the anatomy . there is also one of the most unpleasant body disposal scenes yet seen on the screen . remarkably enough  most of the movie is played for laughs . even more remarkably  it works . the only likable person in the film is the very pregnant sheriff ( frances mcdormand ) who hunts down the killers while eating at every possible opportunity . with every good film the audience gains new knowledge . here you learn _two_ things . everyone in minnesota speaks in an annoying whining accent that would drive you crazy . and don ', t do violent illegal business with low - life amoral degenerate scum - sucking losers . oh yeah  if you get shot in the face  using a brightly decorated napkin to stop the bleeding just makes you look goofy .
pos plot : odin is a great high school basketball player . he ', s dating a hot girl and the coach loves his ass . in fact  the coach even admits to having fatherly feelings towards him . unfortunately  the coach ', s real son  hugo  isn ', t too pleased to hear that . in fact  he doesn ', t like hearing about any of odin ', s triumphs  as they generally supersede his own . so what does he set out to do ? well  let ', s just say that he starts to mess with people ', s heads and one thing leads to another thing which leads to . . . well  you ', ll see . critique : a very powerful  thoroughly depressing  well - acted " non - teen " movie starring a bunch of teens . credit director tim blake nelson for creating a modern day version of this shakespearian classic  set in a realistic high school environment  with the basketball championships as the backdrop and an impending sense of doom as it core . you also have to give it up to all of the actors in this film  who turn over some very convincing performances  taking you through all of their characters ', ups and downs . hartnett especially should be applauded for taking on such a despicable character  a dude who you just want to grab by the throat and beat the shit out of ( sign of a good actor  if you ask me ) . phifer also comes to play in this movie  with a nice blend of charisma  fear  love and anger spread over his character . i was always on this guy ', s side and definitely felt sorry for him as things moved along . julia stiles was also good  but her character wasn ', t much different from others that she ', s played recently . i was however very surprised with martin sheen ', s showing  since i hadn ', t taken him too seriously as an actor over the past few years . his character is definitely over - the - top in this film  but i appreciated his fervor  his rage  his ultimate and blind desire to win above all . a great example of a workaholic man who cannot see the trees from the forest . i did have a few reservations about the movie though . first of all  what was with all of the gangsta hip - hop music used in pretty much every other scene transition ? it was cute at first  but became a little too obvious and annoying after a few times . the film was also edited pretty choppily . . . like some scenes were cut out and no one " cleaned it up " afterwards . i also didn ', t like the fact that hartnett ', s character  the man behind much of the nastiness that goes down in this film  was infallible . in other words  pretty much everything he says or asks of someone  happens automatically and without any goofups . i mean  i know the guy is smart and all  but i would have appreciated a little more " realism " under some of the circumstances . but overall  the movie will devastate you . it ', s not a " fun date movie " . it ', s not a movie about the high school basketball team and how its black star falls for the white girl from the other side of the tracks . it ', s about jealousy  love  envy  fury  passion  revenge and pretty much any other negative thought that ', s ever passed through your head . is it worth seeing ? oh  most definitely ! ( pun intended ) it ', s a moving picture with great performances  no shakespearian speak ( thank you  god ! ) and an outstanding directorial job by nelson . the final scene alone is enough to send a massive chill down your spine  and i was especially impressed with the director ', s choice of music near the end . in fact  the whole sequence was quite reminiscent of the final showdown scene from taxi driver  and i guess that ', s saying something right there . where ', s joblo coming from ? 10 things i hate about you ( 7 / 10 ) - election ( 7 / 10 ) - hamlet ( 6 / 10 ) - love ', s labor ', s lost ( 8 / 10 ) - natural born killers ( 9 / 10 ) - save the last dance ( 7 / 10 ) - shakespeare in love ( 5 / 10 )
pos defending your life is an imaginative vision of the afterlife from the twisted mind of writer - director albert brooks  who also stars in the comedy . after dying in a car crash  on his birthday of all days  brooks wakes up in judgement city  a satirical rendition of purgatory where higher beings evaluate the lives of newly deceased earthlings . brooks has five days to convince two judges that he ', s worthy of passing on to higher plains of existence . enter rip torn as the slick lawyer who defends brooks in court against prosecutor lee grant . during his " trial  " brooks must view episodes of his life on a movie screen  and these scenes are both hysterically funny and painfully poignant . it ', s impossible to resist chuckling ( and cringing ) at brooks as he and torn try to explain away his cowardly behavior on earth . torn  in particular  is in vintage comic form  and he walks away with the picture . the movie also features meryl streep  appealing as the love - interest  and shirley maclaine  who pops up in a hilarious cameo . while the film is uneven  many of its gags are price less . take  for example  the food in judgement city : it ', s always the most delicious you ', ve ever tasted . . . and it ', s also calorie - free -- so chow down !
pos jake kasdan  son of one of the best screenwriters around  breaks into filmmaking by writing and directing this hard - to - categorize detective story : part mystery  part comedy  part character study and part romance . for the most part  kasdan manages to combine the genres successfully and create a captivating film . daryl zero ( bill pullman ) is a modern day sherlock holmes . the parallel is present down to his love of music ( though zero plays the guitar rather than the violin )  and his addiction to drugs ( amphetamines  rather than morphine ) . he even titles his cases with such sherlockian epigrams as the case of the mismatched shoelaces  the case about the man who lied about his age  or the case of the hired gun who made way way too many mistakes . however zero ', s observance of the fine art of detachment  though it makes him a brilliant private investigator  makes him somewhat of a self - imposed outcast in society . he could do nothing without the legwork of his trusty assistant dr . watson  i mean steve arlo ( ben stiller ) . arlo is not happy with his job . he is thrilled to be around zero ', s brilliance  but his bizarre behavior  and strange requests  are frustrating to the former lawyer . and they ', re even more so to his girlfriend  jess ( angela featherstone )  who is fed up that her boyfriend ', s boss means more to arlo than her . this is the situation when a new case comes knocking . gregory stark ( ryan o ', neill ) hires zero to find his lost keys . it seems that he kept a safety deposit box key on the ring  and the box apparently contains some incriminating evidence . now  stark is being blackmailed  and needs to reclaim his key before the nightmare can end . to solve this case  zero reluctantly crawls out of his shell . however  this is when he is vulnerable . . . and this time he falls for charms of a wily paramedic  gloria sullivan ( kim dickens )  who may be involved in the blackmail scheme . for the first time  zero has to question his own objectivity  as he finds his client less and less sympathetic . zero effect is weakest in its obviously " wacky " scenes depicting daryl zero ', s odd behavior . such scenes might be appropriate in an out - and - out satire  making zero an ace ventura - ish character . however  there ', s a much meatier movie in here . . . it just takes a while to get out . that ', s not to say that there ', s not a place for humor in this film . in fact  some of the best scenes are ben stiller ', s wonderfully underplayed comic moments of absolute disgust and frustration with his employer . however  the over - the - top scenes never quite gel with the rest of the film  and they aren ', t funny enough to stand on their own . once the investigation is underway  however  zero ', s brilliance really begins to shine . his lightning quick inferences are as fascinating as many of sherlock ', s own . as the mystery begins to unfold  zero ', s deductions lead the plot in interesting directions  but never lose the viewer . zero effect works well during its romantic scenes as well . zero ', s relationship with gloria is low - key  but it hits all the right notes . however  we are always kept distant from gloria ', s character . she ', s given plenty of development  but we never understand what she is thinking . perhaps that may be intentional : to place the audience in zero ', s zone of detachment . but  on the whole  it is frustrating . bill pullman  when he ', s not spacing out  creates a vibrant character in daryl zero . there ', s one moment when zero briefly connects to the world which he has managed to detach from for many years  and it is shockingly moving . . . expressing a seriousness that heretofore was unassociated with the character  but one which fits in well . and  although it is sometimes hard to take a detective called " zero " seriously  it is at this moment that the viewer understands the meaning behind the name . although zero effect is a bit awkward in places  it is a strong debut for kasdan  and shows great promise .
pos well i ', ll be damned  what a most excellent surprise . not to be confused with the campy and far inferior 1988 remake starring ex - porn star traci lords  this more recent attempt at remaking the 1950 ', s drive - in schlockfest not of this earth is a real gem and was quite possibly the best sci - fi flick of 1995 . once again  b - movie king roger corman is behind this effort ( he directed the original ) but this time he appears only in the role of executive producer . the rest of the crew and cast are relative unknowns . it seems criminal that the film was released direct to video in most countries  because it ', s an absolute must - see for sci - fi fans and a treat for anyone who enjoys decently acted and written thrillers with a kooky bent . the plot in brief . paul johnson ( michael york ) is an alien posing as an eccentric millionaire who  though needing to kill people to live  is visiting earth for far from selfish reasons . his race is dying of a mysterious blood disease and he desperately is trying to find a cure  the key of which lies in the blood of humans . he visits and soon puts under his spell the respected blood physician dr . rochelle  whom he hypnotises into doing secret research on his behalf . he also has the doctor convince smart and sexy nurse amanda ( elizabeth barondes ) to move in with johnson as his private nurse so as to give him the blood transfusions which he constantly requires . but before long  amanda and johnson ', s sleazy chauffeur release that johnson is a lot more than just eccentric . i must admit  my first glimpse of the video cover for not of this earth was not encouraging . british actor michael york has appeared in some real stinkers in past few decades  a far cry from the quality fare of his younger days such as caberat ( 1972 ) . but his performance here as an alien in human disguise is nothing short of outstanding . the weird twitches and bizarre modes of speech  the dapper clothes and cool spectacles  the unexpected pathos which he invests in his character . york is by turns hilarious  menacing and tragic . this is a tour - de - force and quite simply the best performance i ', ve seen from him . and while obviously made on a modest budget  the film boasts enormous strengths . the casting is spot on  the acting is terrific and the script is intelligent  witty and consistently engaging  cleverly updating the original . the balance of horror and humour is just about perfect  a marked contrast to the earlier remake from 1988 . the film doesn ', t drag for a second of its 90 minute running time thanks to tight editing and the sure hand of little - known director terrance h . winkless . and it doesn ', t matter one bit that the special effects are cheesy - this is schlock after all  even if it is high class schlock . in fact my only criticism of the film is that things get a tad weak towards the end . tighter direction could have given the climax more urgency and a few of the characters act rather illogically given their life - threatening situation . but these are minor complaints . just see it . not of this earth is one of the biggest sci - fi surprises in years . and michael york : in one cool swoop you ', ve made yourself a b - movie legend  dude .
pos in 1998  director brett ratner and his stars  jackie chan and chris tucker  breathed new life into the buddy - action film genre with the cross - cultural " rush hour " - to the tune of about $ 250 million . you don ', t mess with success  so the team is back again  and better  in " rush hour 2 . " the combo of the terrific physical talents of chan and the non - stop motor mouth of tucker made for an ethnically unusual duet in " rush hour " that played well to audiences around the world . the formula worked so well  in fact  that the sequel was inevitable . i ', m never thrilled with the idea of a follow - up to a successful original since they rarely meet the previously set expectations . surprisingly  " rush hour 2 " wastes no time getting down to business and turns out to be better than the flick that spawned it . the script  by jeff nathanson ( utilizing the characters developed by ross lamanna in the first film )  wastes no time getting to the point right from the start . terrorists have bombed the us embassy in hong kong  killing two american translators  and chief inspector lee ( jackie chan ) is handed the job of solving the crime . concurrently  his friend james carter ( chris tucker ) arrives on the island for some much needed r & r and expects his friend to spend some time and show him the sights . instead  lee drags carter into the case and the duo get involved in stopping a conspiracy to counterfeit hundreds of million of us dollars . the makers of " rush hour 2 " are working at a distinct advantage over the original . we  the viewer  are familiar with the two lead characters and the already - existing chemistry that chan and tucker developed so well the first time around . that chemistry was a high point ( and probably the saving point ) before and  now  the pair wears their friendship like a comfortable suit . little time is wasted in getting to know the key players so the screenplay capitalizes on those things we liked best in " rush hour . " first and foremost to me  in " rh2  " is the immense pleasure in watching jackie chan ', s artistry in fight choreography . the 47 - year old martial arts master has a renowned reputation for doing all of his own stunt work and  here  he does not disappoint . chan ', s use of props when battling bad guys continues as he pulverizes his opponents with whatever item comes to hand  such as a trash bucket . his moves look every bit as good as they ever did as he fights four or five nemesis at once on bamboo scaffolding  on the tail end of a yacht  in a hong kong massage parlor and  for the finale  in a las vegas casino . like harold lloyd or buster keaton  chan takes pride in putting his physical self on the line in pursuit of his artistry and is a joy to watch . chris tucker reprises his role as the motor mouthed la cop  carter  who teams  again  with lee to put down the bad guys . when he is unceremoniously pulled from his vacation to help his colleague and friend with the big case  he still looks to have some fun . when lee goes into a karaoke bar  the lair of chief bad guy ricky tan ( john lone ) and his hoods  carter takes the spotlight on stage with a credible michael jackson riff . the comedian made the move from the improv stage to the big screen and  with jackie chan  has a franchise to hang his coat on to pay the bills . the combo of chan ', s flying feet and fists with tucker ', s fast mouth make a duet more endearing than riggs and murtaugh in the " lethal weapon " films . the supporting cast is here to move things along efficiently . john lone  as ricky tan  is a suave villain who is the real power behind the throne of american bigwig steven reign ( alan king in a walk through performance ) . lone doesn ', t chew scenery or make pronouncements to " get lee and carter  " but gives the chief bad guy elegance . zhang zi - yi ( " crouching tiger  hidden dragon " ) continues to display her martial arts skills as ricky ', s taciturn henchlady  hu li  who carries on an ongoing battle with carter . ( carter has a problem  through most of the film  with hitting a woman  but this falls aside with their eventual one - on - one melee at the conclusion . ) roselyn sanchez is knockdown gorgeous ( and resembles sandra bullock ) as undercover agent isabella molina - she doesn ', t add much to the equation but is terrific to watch . director ratner and the original " rush hour " production team have assembled a crew of skilled craftsmen to work behind the camera . cinematographer matthew f . leonetti has had a long career of shooting action flicks and gives " rh2 " the fluid camera movement the genre film needs . production design by terrence marsh spans continents and gives the right look  whether it is in a hong kong karaoke bar or a high stakes las vegas casino . the rest of the techs are of the same high quality . i ', m surprised to even say that " rush hour 2 " is the most entertaining of the summer blockbuster movies . it takes the best of the first film and kicks jurassic dino butt in its fun  frolic and fast pace and is the best mainstream thing out  so far  this summer . i give it a b .
pos shakespeare . you hardly understood it in high school . why would you want more of it now that your english grade doesn ', t count on it ? if this is your attitude  then i ', ll say right off the bat that kenneth branagh ', s hamlet is probably not for you  and you might as well stop reading right now . if  however  you are a lover of the bard  or at the very least are open - minded about a challenging script  read on  for there is something rotten in the state of denmark . namely  the king has died  and his widow the queen has wed the king ', s brother  claudius  but prince hamlet suspects foul play . his suspicions are confirmed when the ghost of his father appears and relates the story of his murder at his own brother ', s hands . hamlet  enlisting the help of his friend horatio  conspires to capture the conscience of the new king to expose his treachery . . . . and the game is afoot . . . . the first things you notice about this production are the sets and costumes . with external scenes filmed at blemheim palace in england ( also the one of the sites for the recent the avengers )  the grandiose quality of the setting is immediately established . interior scenes are similarly graced with intricate and flamboyant rooms and chambers . the hamlet castle ', s grand throne room is an impressive piece of work incorporating high ceilings  mirror - panel doors  and bridges which connect opposite sides of a second - story loft . costuming is equally grand  drawing upon both history and imagination . . not quite the denmark of the 1600 ', s  the characters ', attire is something of a cross between that era and turn of the century russia  very effectively giving the film more of a timeless feel . it is not surprising that tim harvey and alexandra byrne were nominated for best art direction and best costume design oscars  respectively . in addition to directing  kenneth branagh also plays the title character . as the revenge - driven royal heir  branagh provides a riveting performance of emotional highs and lows . from the anticipation of seeing his father ', s ghost  to the melancholy of finding the burial site of his childhood jester  to his eventual wrath  branagh delivers in spades . every scene truly revolves around hamlet  as much a tribute to branagh ', s acting and directing as to shakespeare ', s manuscript . hamlet seems to be a who ', s who of shakespearean - trained actors  so watching them perform the craft for which they have much love is a delight in itself . julie christie  as hamlet ', s mother gertrude  and derek jacobi as his murderous uncle claudius both fill the classic roles superbly  as do many of the supporting players . kate winslet as hamlet ', s lover ophelia  does an outstanding job demonstrating the character ', s plummet to the depths of dispair and madness . richard briers as ophelia ', s father  polonius  and michael moloney as her brother  laertes  are equally convincing . nicholas farrell as hamlet ', s trusted friend horatio  and timothy spall and reece dinsdale as the two - timing rosencrantz and guildenstern round out the excellent core cast . hamlet also seems to be a film in which someone tried to stuff as many well known actors as possible . in some cases  this made for interesting scenes . billy crystal is surprisingly good as the gravedigger who unearths the skull of yorick  whom hamlet knew quite well . crystal proves himself able to deliver the lines with both the timing of a classic actor and the verbal countenance of a comedian  and the result is a very funny scene . however  charleton heston  whom many might think would butcher shakespeare  is the biggest surprise of all . as the player king  the leader of a troupe of traveling actors  he is absolutely breathtaking when narrating the story of priam and hecuba . part of his monologue is overlaid with a visual enactment of the story ( with sir john gielgud and judi dench )  but this is most unfortunate  for it robs heston of some of the attention which he deserves at this time . his off - camera speaking  while gripping  sort of downplays the scene to a narration done by any other well - voiced actor . i wish branagh had chosen to allow us to envision in our own minds the scene which heston lays out  and let the venerable actor have the attention . unfortunately  there were some casting choices which led to poor distractions . jack lemmon  an excellent actor  just can ', t do shakespeare . as marcellus  the guard who sees the elder hamlet ', s ghost  lemmon sadly underperforms and is shown up left and right by those around him . gerard depardieu  another talented actor  is wasted when given little more than the utterances of " yes  my lord " and " no  my lord " in the role of reynaldo . richard attenborough has a ( literally ) walk - on role  showing up at the eleventh hour as the english ambassador . i think he had two lines . then there is rufus sewell as fortinbras of norway . when i went to see dangerous beauty earlier this year  two ladies behind me kept commenting about how handsome he was . if bulging eyes are your idea of handsome  well i guess comic actor marty feldman was some kind of sex symbol to you . hamlet is a complicated tale of treachery and revenge in which triumph and defeat become one . branagh attempts to help us out with some of the intricacies by visually representing some of the more elusive stretches of dialogue by presenting them as flashback - type images . this only works about half the time  and i wonder if it would have been just as well to do without them . you don ', t have to be some kind of genius to appreciate shakespeare  but it is quite difficult to understand unless you have the time to read or hear it carefully and repeatedly . the alternate method of comprehension is that with which most of us are familiar  the high school english course . in it  you are hopefully fortunate enough to have an educator willing to help you with the plot points and nuances essential to understanding a play written in the rigmarole known as the king ', s english . or i suppose you could just read the cliff notes .
pos the year is 1962 and the military is conducting nuclear testings . involved in these tests is hank marshall ( jones )  an army colonel who is critical of the above - ground tests that are being done . he urges below - ground tests which no one will consider at the time until it is learned that the soviets have conducted underground tests of their own . marshall is also troubled by a turbulent marriage to carly ( lange ) who is topless on the base ', s beach in full view of the entire personnel . hank ', s reaction is one of amusement . he ', s been here before and he deals with it in the only way he knows how . the problem is carly is a manic - depressive and when she isn ', t flirting with any man who happens to be near her  she ', s fantasizing about a fictious world where she ', d rather be . typical of the mental illness  she also is promiscuous and foul - tempered . the mood swings are quick and violent and the torment she puts her husband and their two daughters is considerable . from hank ', s reports which state his opposition to the army ', s methods of testing  he is transferred from hawaii to alabama . carly patterns herself after movie stars and tries to become marilyn monroe  bleach - blond and all . the new home in alabama is pretty run - down and depressing and sets carly off on a violent tantrum . after meeting his new commanding officer ( booth )  hank sees an all too familiar pattern begin to repeat . carly openly flirts with the co . hank tries to deal with the situation  but his only resort is to carry her off and throw her into a nearby pool . arguments ensue . the family becomes even more alienated . the co is very interested in pursuing an encounter with carly and sends hank off to observe an underground test which causes the irradiation of two local ranchers  much to the vocal objections of hank  who spots them but is unable to cancel the detonation of the bomb . back at home  the two girls try to hold things together but they wonder why their father can ', t deal with their mother ', s problems . one daughter says  " he ', s blind and she ', s crazy . " the other answers  " they ', re perfect for each other . " it reaches the breaking point when the older girl ( locane ) and a boy  the co ', s son ( o ', donnell ) see her mother and the co making love in an abandoned shed . she forces her mother to tell hank and get it all out into the open . hank returns home and finds his wife in the middle of a musical put on by the military wives  including the co ', s wife ( snodgress ) . he confronts the c . o . but not about carly . he is upset over the coverup surrounding the accident during the testing . a fight breaks out between the two when the co accuses hank of not being able to satisfy his wife . hank is arrested . what follows is manipulation and revenge on the part of the co . he convinces carly to commit hank to a hospital for observation . instead  they fill him with so many drugs that he can barely cope . he foams at the mouth and cannot even finish sewing a leather wallet as presents for his daughters . carly is determined to free her husband from the clutches of the army and succeeds in doing so only by being the strong one in the family for the first time . the film has an upbeat ending with hope that the family has found a way to deal with its problems . the performances are solid throughout . jones is sympathetic and loving and is most effective in those quiet moments when he tries to deal with his wife ', s rage . he comforts her and offers protection . lange gives a strong and spirited portrayal of a woman on the edge who draws up the courage to try and put things right for her family . amy locane is very good as she fights to keep her family together while struggling with her own doubts as to whether she even should . blue sky is based on the story of the stagner family . the screenplay was written by rama laurie stagner ( with arlene sarner and jerry leichtling ) . the film marks the final work of tony richardson who died shortly after its completion in 1991 . he had made such classics as look back in anger ( 1958 ) and tom jones ( 1963 ) . orion pictures underwent bankruptcy and caused the film to sit on a shelf for three years . the film joins an alread promising fall line - up of films and is well worth catching for the performances alone .
pos the happy bastard ', s 30 - second review : american pie the summer of raunch continues to spread into theatres with this latest yuk fest  filled with sick jokes and teen dialogue aplenty . if you go expecting dawson ', s creek  you ', re in for a problem . if your expectations are lower ( and better  i might add )  you will enjoy the hell out of american pie . the movie casts several unknowns  with the only real recognizable one being sctv ', s own eugene levy as a happy - go - lucky dad . the story revolves around four high school seniors who have one goal before the school year gets out - get laid . that ', s pretty much it . throughout the movie  little sick comic bits are sprinkled throughout  including a memorable scene involving an apple pie ( i won ', t give it away  but you probably know what it is ) and an internet broadcast gone horribly awry . of course  the movie has some slightly sentimental bits  but they don ', t drag the movie ', s humor content down that bad . most of the actors get their job done  but it ', s levy who ', s a hoot  a father who tries to talk sex with his son with the help of some curious " visual aids " . i couldn ', t stop laughing during this movie  and if you can stand all the raunch and the sex references  then american pie is for you . if you ', re one of those " conservative " types  well  i ', ll bet you ', re having fun at home while this  south park  and austin powers ii plays in theatres  now aren ', t you ?
pos _in brief : _ this film needs no introduction . if you haven ', t heard of it  then you must have been up in space on a sabbatical  and if you haven ', t seen it -- well  i suspect you ', re in a small minority ! first thing ', s first ? is it all it ', s hyped up to be ? well  yes ? and no . it ', s a good film  and there ', s a lot to like about it  but it ', s not without its problems . when i saw the first trailer for " titanic "  it was when i went to see " bean " last summer  i think  my intial reaction was -- ain ', t that downright sick to make a disaster movie out of such a dreadful  real - life tragedy ? ! i mean  what ', s happened to hollywood ', s script - writers  have they run entirely out of new ideas ? gads  whatever next  i asked myself  how about an action film based on hiroshima starring jean claude van damme ? i was not entirely filled with anticipation  but then i wasn ', t alone in that respect . it ', s when it came out in the cinema  to rave reviews ( well  mostly ) and anyone who ', d been to see it seemed disturbingly obsessed by it that i started to take notice ! i didn ', t see the film until several months after its release ( by which time my sister had seen it about four times ! )  so i went with a slightly more open mind  but i still didn ', t think i ', d enjoy it much . did i ? yes and no . mainly yes  i ', m happy to say . the first hour or so was beautifully done  not so much because of the scripting ( i ', ll talk about that later ? ) but because the re - created ship and sets were stunning to look at  as was cameron ', s directing  and the performances of the principal cast were so strong that the " human " aspect of the story  the romance between rose ( kate winslet ) and jack ( leonardo dicaprio )  was enchanting . the film is told via flashback  with gloria stuart playing the elderly rose in the modern day ( you knew that  a ', course ! : - ) ) . well  it ', s an often effective device to use in storytelling -- though sometimes it can fall flat . does it work here ? in script form it doesn ', t add all that much to the story . what does add a lot to the story is gloria stuart  whose stunning performance is the strongest  most moving of the film . her presence brings a much deeper level of passion  and depth to the story  and though her appearances are relatively brief  the film would have suffered without her . also impressive are dicaprio and winslet  who wholly succeed in rising above the often poor dialogue  and the bond they form is both heartfelt and moving . it ', s an old story  you know -- forbidden love ala romeo and juliet -- but it works  and jack ', s " rescuing " rose ( in both literal and figurative senses ) and teaching her to live life for what counts was pointed and touching . in fact  i enjoyed the first half of the film a lot  largely because winslet and dicaprio bring such and charm  energy to the romance . it ', s engaging  touching and very enjoyable . there ', s more than a tinge of poignancy to it as well  simply because you know it ', s not going to be a happy ending . which leads us to the second half of the film . we all knew it was coming . i ', m sure director cameron was looking forward with eager anticipation to it  because as he ', s stated in interviews  the real thrust of the story ( for him ) was the sinking  and the jack / rose romance was a merely a manipulative plot device to get you emotionally into the film . i think that understates the importance of the romance  as i found it far more enjoyable than an hour of watching people die . the iceberg arrives  and the captain announces that titanic will have sunk in about an hour . and it is an hour . my goodness  we don ', t miss a second of that hour ? gratuitous ? well  perhaps not by today ', s standards  i ', m sure there ', s been far worse produced under the banner of " entertainment " in other films . but i certainly wasn ', t prepared for how shocking and graphic the last hour or so would be . not that i ', d expect the word " understatement " to be part of cameron ', s vocabulary ( he who brought us such  umm  vivid films as " terminator 2 " and " aliens " ) . is it overdone ? i thought so . understatement can sometimes work wonders in conveying tragedy . no  no one expected a happy ending  but i didn ', t quite expect the horrendously shocking and powerful scenes we were bombarded throughout the film ', s second half . still  whether it was overdone and heavy - handed or not  if it was the shock - factor cameron was after it worked  because i was shocked and moved  in fact i spent most of the last hour in tears ! you really couldn ', t help but get emotionally involved  whether it was wishing someone would knock that dreadfully psychotic fiance of rose ', s overboard or desperately hoping that rose would rescue jack  or that jack would rescue rose  or that they would both survive . perhaps the most harrowing scene was when the ship has sunk  and those that sunk along with the ship freeze to death on the water surface . the bit where rose lets go of jack ', s hand  while promising she ', ll never let go in her heart was particularly heart - wrenching  and the sight of rescue boats sailing amid the ocean of corpses was a pretty powerful image  to put no fine a point on it . i loved the ending  however  which was both moving and slightly uplifting following the horror of the past hour and a half . so  we ', ve established that the film is powerful and moving  if the last hour was rather excessive . haven ', t mentioned the script . plot - wise it ', s ok  though the jack / rose relationship was beautifully developed  but i ', ve a feeling that ', s to the actors credit if anything . as for the dialogue ? well  titanic is set in 1912 . it ', s a period drama . but i saw very little indication of period in so far as the dialogue is concerned . did they really use phrases like " goddamn it ! " back in the turn of the century ? i doubt it . would someone talk like this : " do ya love the guy or what ? " . i doubt it . is such dialogue as " i saw the iceberg  and i see it in your eyes now " not just a bit ? clumsy ? yes it is . a little more attention to dialogue would not have gone astray  and cameron himself is to blame ( he wrote the script ) . stick with directing  dude . but its more than redeemed by the acting  with dicaprio and winslet on fine form  ably supported by a strong cast . star of the show was gloria stuart  though -- why didn ', t she win that oscar ? ! after all  they were throwing oscars at " titanic " left  right and centre  but gloria was perhaps the most deserving nominee . directing - wise cameron does a spectacular job . like i said  his vision was a bit excessive  but at least he directed it well . i haven ', t even mentioned james horner ', s beautiful score . utterly heavenly  though when your dad and sister play the soundtrack a lot you do start to get a bit bored with it ! ; - ) i ', ve finished my rant  which lasted a lot longer than i thought it would ! just leaves a couple of questions ; was it worth all those oscars ? hell  don ', t talk to me about oscars . bloomin ', farce . it was deserving in a number of departments  though . last question ; is it  as some suggest  one of the best films of all - time ? nope  i don ', t think so . it ', s certainly one of the most powerful and memorable films i ', ve ever seen  but i don ', t think it quite ranks as one of my all - time favourites . and as for the fact they ', re reportedly making a " titanic 2 " ? well i guess that ', s typical hollywood for you !
pos in some respects  rush hour is the ultimate exercise in cliched filmmaking . the hero is the renegade cop that prefers to work alone . the cop in question cannot solve the case until he gets in trouble . all chinese people are somehow involved in the criminal element . the duo must always be completely mismatched . the hero has to say some smart - assed comment before ( and after ) shooting someone . however  that doesn ', t necessarily make for a bad film . rush hour is jackie chan ', s first major hollywood film since the dismal the protector ( 1985 ) . proving once again that hollywood can learn many things from foreign film markets ( ie : hong kong )  jackie chan is given much more free reign than before . still  some die - hard jackie chan fans may be disappointed  as even chan himself has voiced displeasure over the length of the fight scenes ( which he views as too short  according to one interview ) . this film takes a familiar theme of east meets west . jackie chan is lee  the straight laced inspector who is imported to help deal with a kidnapping case  while chris tucker is carter  the loudmouthed  destructive cop that is ` promoted ', to the fbi to help him . or  at least  so he thinks ( also another classic notion in action films : the fbi must always get in the way of our heroes ) . despite the necessary conventions of action films  rush hour is some of the most fun you ', ll spend and hour and forty minutes watching . jackie chan continues to be one of the most exciting martial artists on the big screen  continuing to perform his own stunts and dazzling audiences with his flashy kicks and punches . chris tucker  familiar from his whiny  annoying role in the fifth element is more palatable  complementing jackie chan ', s straight - laced character . however  jackie chan still maintains his comic - slapstick edge  as expected of him and his films . perfectly downplaying the ` fish - out - of - water ', routine through his character ', s attempts at mixing into american culture  he makes up for the down time his character experiences . when he is in action  however  you ', ll be amused and dazzled . still being inventive in the use of objects to beat people up ( in this case  a steering wheel  a serving tray  and a barstool )  jackie chan proves to be the pioneer of slapstick kung fu . chris tucker ', s character may come across as irritating  yet is also humorous . since he ', s not a physical actor to the level of jackie chan  he uses his main weapon : his mouth ( hence  the tagline  ` fastest hands in the east meets the fastest mouth in the west ', ) . while dialogue is not necessarily shakespeare  it is appropriate for the film and still very funny . while not necessarily poignant  attempts at character development and growth between characters come off surprisingly well . lee ', s ` knowledge ', of american pop culture ( ` that ', s the beach boys ! ', ) when contrasted against carter ', s lack of knowledge of chinese culture makes for an interesting scene where lee teaches carter the kung fu disarming trick  while carter teaches lee hip - hop dance moves . while rush hour is not at the same level as police story 3 and 4 ( known in north america as supercop and jackie chan ', s first strike  respectively )  it more than makes up for the poorly received films operation condor and mr . nice guy . with its appropriate mixture of high kicks and lots of laughs  it makes for a fun film . as well  it is a true departure from jackie chan films  as it is missing one common element : a whiny female co - star .
pos my fellow americans is a movie that at first glance looks to have little substance ( or a movie that we ', ve all seen a million times )  two lifetime rivals thrown together and then the fun begins . this is exactly what happened in this movie  but fortunately  they managed to do it in an interesting and funny way . the movie starts with a quick ( and i do mean quick ) glance of two presidents russell kramer ( jack lemmon ) and matt douglas ( james garner ) . william haney ( dan aykroyd ) and ted matthews ( john heard ) are the new president and vice president . there is a scandal that arises involving a kickback from a contractor and haney is positive that he buried that years ago . he finds a scapegoat in kramer and now everyone wants kramer and douglas dead . this movie was exceptional for many reasons . one being that they found people ( lemmon and garner ) that have good chemisty together . they worked very well as a unit and they mirrored each other perfectly  one being a ladies man and one being the old man ( i ', ll let you fiqure which is which ) . also  they found people that know their parts as govenment officials well . it seemed to me that garner played almost exactly the same role that he played in the distinquished gentleman ( except then he was a congressman ) . experience counts for a lot ! !
pos in  " the muse " albert brooks plays steven phillips  a hollywood screenwriter who after winning a humanitarian award for his work is dumped by his studio . they claim that he ', s lost his edge and his agent is quick to agree with them . he knows that he needs to write something fresh and original and quick or else his career will be over . so he turns to his " best " friend  jack ( jeff bridges ) another screenwriter who ', s enjoyed success after success . on the way over to jack ', s house steven sees jack helping an attractive woman ( sharon stone ) into a cab and begins to think : is he having an affair ? when confronted  jack relunctently tells him that this mystery woman is  in fact  a muse  a mythological figure who is believed to have inspired all creativity  and has helped him garner his success . " she doesn ', t do any actual writing  " he is told  " but inspires you . " steven is excited by what he ', s hearing and asks jack to call her up to see if she ', ll take steven on as a new client . jack arranges a meeting between the two and suggests that steven bring her a present  preferably something from tiffany ', s . after the meeting the muse  sarah decides to take on steven  but at a price : she wants a suite at the four seasons and wants steven to perform odd tasks for her ( like bringing her salads in the middle of the night . ) steven ', s wife ( andy macdowell ) sees him at a food store and questions him about why he has tampons in his wagon . steven confesses everything and  although at first suspicious  she later allows sarah to move into their guest room and eventually into their life . the only question for steven is if the muse is worth all the trouble he ', s going through for her . and that ', s a question only time will tell . " the muse " is albert brooks ', sixth film as writer / director / actor ( he co - wrote with monica johnson ) and although it ', s a good movie it ', s not up to the level of his best works ( " defending your life " and " mother " ) . the problem lies in the script  and for a movie that relies on its dialogue for its humor  there aren ', t nearly as many laughs as they are chuckles despite a few good one - liners . it has a great premise but doesn ', t deliver up to it ', s full potential . but  i like albert brooks in this film and i think that we can all identify with steven phillips a little bit . he may whine and complain  but he just wants to support his family and be happy . and i like sharon stone in this movie too ; it ', s a nice change of pace for her . and i also enjoyed the cameos featuring the likes of rob reiner  james cameron and martin scorsese . and although " the muse " doesn ', t have as much to say about hollywood as robert altman ', s " the player " i still left the theater feeling good . and that ', s something i wish i got out of more movies .
pos plot : good ol ', texan kid suddenly gets to play first - string quarterback on his high school team ', s football team  in a town where football is considered religion . the coach is just about the biggest a - hole you ', d ever want to meet  who will do practically anything to win . the good ol ', texan boy does not approve of said man ', s methods . critique : a fun football movie . this film was obviously geared towards the teen market  with mtv behind its production  a big tv star actor in the lead role  rockin ', hip music galore  and plenty of t & a . having said that  i enjoyed the look and feel of the movie  thought james van der beek gave a solid performance  loved the slick sounds  and yup  loved that t & a ! i actually thought this was a comedy going in  but overall  it plays more towards the dramatic  than a comedy . i also enjoyed jon voight ', s performance as the stubborn dick coach  as well as many of the other character players on the team . this is not a classic film by any stretch of the imagination  but it might teach some kids the hard lessons behind the " fun " game of football  or just allow them to have a good time for about an hour and forty - five minutes in the movie theatre ( or in the comfort of their own home  depending on where you watch this stuff . ) all in all  i would definitely watch this movie if you like football  play football or want your kid to succeed in high school football . you could also watch it if you like teen flicks with a lot of cute guys and girls running around doing their stuff . and did i mention the t & a ? : ) little known facts about this film and its stars : james van der beek actually started acting after a concussion stopped him from playing football in real life . he is the oldest of three children  and his father is a cellular phone salesman while his mom runs a gymnastics studio . he ', s born in connecticut and received $ 200  000 for his role in this film . actor scott caan  who plays football player " tweeder " in this film  is the son of famed actor james caan in real life . that ', s right  he ', s sonny ', s son ! actress amy smart  who plays van der beek ', s girlfriend in this movie  also played the main star ', s girl in the 1999 film outside providence ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) . screenwriter w . peter iliff also had a part in writing the screenplays for the 1992 harrison ford film  patriot games  and the keanu reeves surfing flick  point break . director brian robbins might be best remembered as the " cool dude " from the tv series " head of the class " . his name was eric mandrian and he generally wore a long  black trench coat on the show . the book mox ( james van der beek ) is reading on the sidelines in this movie  hidden inside the team ', s playbook  is " slaughterhouse - five " by kurt vonnegut  jr . the high school fight song played at the pep rally is the texas a & m war hymn .
pos the film starts out with a creepy opening sequence to which has the now classic and creepy score by writer / director / producer john carpenter who in my mind is a brilliant director  he really is . he wrote this film  he directed this film  he produced this film and he made the excessively creepy score to this film . i think he is and always will be famous for this classic which after 21 years has not lost it ', s popularity or it ', s ability to scare the wits out of people . i think i have seen ', halloween ', over 100 times and each time i find something new and brilliant  and each time i am scared even though i know what is going to happen . i own three different versions of the film : a vhs regular version that came with a limited edition 20th anniversary t - shirt  a boxed edition vhs in a hardcover case digitally re - mastered with the original theatrical widescreen presentation  in a nifty plastic picture decorated box with a numbered snow - globe . in other words i am completely and utterly obsessed with the film . it has changed horror movies forever and spawned six sequels with only 2  4  and 7 being truly good . it also spawned several cheap imitations of the film that were offensive in some ways to a true halloween fan . since i heard about halloween being released on dvd in a limited edition of 30  000 copies  i knew i had to buy one no matter what ! i did and man to me it ', s the best dvd ever manufactured with the brilliance of the film . no words can describe the dvd . in ', halloween ', michael myers is a evil person whom killed his sister in cold blood 16 years ago in 1963 . now in 1978 grown up and in a mental hospital michael myers escapes to go back to his hometown of haddonfield  illinois  followed by his past doctor sam loomis . the person michael is targeting is laurie strode who is played by jamie lee curtis in her film debut . why is he stalking her ? check out halloween ii it explains it all . on this unholy night on october 31  1978 laurie strode and her two friends are going to have the time of their lives  which is trying to stay alive . the whole film is filled with terrifying moments most coming from just seeing michael myers walk . nick castle who played the shape in the first movie did an incredible job  and no other person in any other halloween flick can do what he did . what john carpenter did in 1978 is made a ground - breaking new film  with scares  wit  and style . the movie is flawless if not perfect . no other movie or sequel has lived up to this one  and in my opinion never will . ', halloween ', will be like ', psycho ', and still be extremely popular even almost 40 years later . i just hope someday ', halloween ', will be released in a new dolby soundtrack with the 4 extra scenes on the dvd edition . ', halloween ', isn ', t just another slice - and - dice horror flick  it ', s an intelligent  horrifying and best film experience ever made . see ', halloween ', and be scared . . . . then watch it again ! reviewed by brandon herring october 7  1999 .
pos i have to admit that i disliked this film initially . it certianly isn ', t for every taste  and it ', s sheer torture to sit through if you ', re in a restless mood . that said  if you are in the right mood  it ', s absolutely incredible . this was my second favorite movie of 1998  and would have been a shoo - in for first in almost any other year . perhaps the big turn - off for many was this film ', s unconventionality . i ', d be hard - pressed to compare it to any other film that i ', ve seen - it is very  very artsy  incredibly slow - and amazingly  it works beautifully . on my second viewing  i realized that the film follows the three act structure ( i didn ', t think it had any sort of structure at all when i first saw it ) . the first act serves to set up the characters - sort of . it exists even moreso to set a mood of tension and restlesness  and perhaps even feelings of boredom . and then it is shattered by the intense violence of the second ( which encompasses most of the movie ) . the majority of the film is one extended battle scene  intercut with brief flashbacks and voice - overs . the artsier elements do not detract from the action  but add to it - they succeed in briefly letting the viewer peek into the minds of the soldiers  only to be suddenly yanked back into reality when the battle resumes . the battle scenes are amazing ( second only to " saving private ryan " in my opinion ) . they ', re brutal  horrifying  and at times beautiful due to the amazing cinematography . the second act is as immersive  brilliant  and haunting as any film that i have ever seen . the only problems come during the first and third acts . malick takes a little too long to get the film started . although the initial scenes - which consist of two soldiers ', experiencing a near - eden - like paradise while going awol  and the preperations for battle - are effective and necessary  hints of pretentiousness sink in . the film is just a tad too artsy near the beginning  and a lot of people that disliked the movie probably gave up on it because of this . the final act is effective at winding the film down  but the problems from the first persist - it ', s a bit too long  and comes over as pretentious at times . that said  there are two sequences ( one where a soldier gets a devastating note from his wife  and another where one of the main characters is killed ) that are nothing short of incredible . the performances are phenominal all around . the two standouts are nick nolte and newcomer jim caviezel  both of whom should have been nominated for oscars . nolte is riveting and intense as the colonel in charge of the operation . his character is hard  mean  and somewhat reckless with the lives of his men  and yet nolte somehow manages to evoke sympathy for him . caviezel is forever questioning the nature of war  his place in it  and if there ', s any deeper meaning to the hell that he ', s going through . he is absolutely perfect - genuine  sympathetic  sincere  and yet strong when he needs to be . although restricted to a relatively small role  sean penn is also very good as the company ', s pessimistic seargent . as to how it stacks up to " saving private ryan " - it was my second favorite movie of 1998  " ryan " was my first . it ', s really hard to compare the two - they are so  so different - so i won ', t  beyond saying that spielberg ', s film had more of an impact on me . however  the two are comparable from the standpoint of quality ( i can easily see why someone would " the thin red line " above " ryan ) . i highly recommend both of them  and consider them to be the two best war movies ever made . all in all  " the thin red line " is filmmaking of an incredibly high order . it ', s slight faults are easily offset by the sheer brilliance of what is done right . it ', s a real shame that it tanked at the box office - films this unconventional  powerful  and thought - provoking don ', t come along very often .
pos it was a rainy friday afternoon in columbus when i persuaded a friend to see a matinee performance of mst3k : tm . he had never seen any episodes of the show  and i have watched a scant few  due to its unsocial airtime on comedy central and the uneven nature of many of the episodes . for those of you not familiar with the premise  dr clayton forrester ( beaulieu ) wishes to take over the world by finding the worst film ever made and unleashing it upon an unsuspecting public . to achieve this  he ( in the words of the tv series ', theme  which is missing in the movie ) " bumped [ mike nelson ( nelson ) ] on the noggin and then shot him into space "  and is monitoring nelson ', s reactions to the movies he is forced to endure . rather than succumb to the sheer awfulness of many of the movies  nelson spends his time making wisecracks with the help of his two robot companions  tom servo and crow t . robot . the format of the show consists of nelson  servo and crow making their comments while silhouetted against the movie being watched  and breaks every 20 minutes or so for segments set on the satellite of love  the ship on which our heroes are marooned . only two things are different in the movie : the absence of forrester ', s sidekick  tv ', s frank  and the slower pace of the jokes . this latter change is presumably deliberate to avoid the viewing audience missing some of the best lines while laughing from the previous joke . for their big screen outing  the producers have chosen " this island earth "  a 1954 classic  and one of the first sf films to have a special effects budget larger than the average grocery bill . unfortunately for that film ( but making it ideal mst3k fodder )  acting and dialogue appear to have taken a back seat to the effects which  by today ', s standards  are less than impressive . nelson & co . make jokes about everything from japan ', s dominance in the world market  to star trek  to the state of disrepair of seattle ', s kingdome  and most of them work . unfortunately  the segments set outside the satellite ', s movie theater seem out of place and aren ', t particularly funny  but at least they ', re fairly short . the big question about this movie though is : why ? i presume it was an attempt to gain a larger following to keep support behind the series ( rumours of its impending demise circulated for some time before the plug was eventually pulled a few months ago )  but the format gains nothing from its transition to the big screen -- there are no special effects to dazzle you  no action sequences to keep you on the edge of your seat  and no use of digital surround sound . so  it seems pointless to spend $ 8 per person to see this movie when in a few months it will be out on video and you can watch it for $ 3  and not have to sit in a room full of popcorn addicts . nevertheless  mst3k : tm provides more laugh - out - loud opportunities than any film you ', re going to see this year  and i thoroughly recommend it to anyone with a pulse . given its uniqueness  i hesitate to grade it against other films  but it fulfils its claims and so in the class of " unsubtle comedy films whose laughs come at the expense of bad b - movies " it does well .
pos the uncompromising nudity bared throughout petrice chereau ', s intimacy has already garnered much notoriety  but it ', s in the naked faces of fearless actors mark rylance ( angels & insects ) and kerry fox ( welcome to sarajevo ) that the tender ache of emotional resonance is discovered . with sharp  intelligent eyes that reflect experience and maturity  rylance and fox are refreshingly detached from the false glamour of hollywood idols . their sex scenes together are bracing in their raw honesty  in the acceptance of flesh and messiness . less apparent  but no less remarkable  are the astute observations of behavior revealed through those carnal beats of haste and hesitance  often without a single line of dialogue . not aiming for the spiritual poetry of in the realm of the senses or the philosophical transgressions of crash  chereau keeps his sexual odyssey firmly grounded in terms of straightforward character development . that may be the very reason why intimacy seems unerringly impressive but never particularly significant on more than a tactile  sensory level . the themes of human isolation are barren and obvious  a science project devoid of any especially groundbreaking hypothesis . intimacy does manage to stand out from lesser portraits of " human interconnectedness " and pinter - esque rummages through psychological dirty drawers ( okay  kill me ) . shallow though it might sound  it ', s amazing how much is filled in through an inspired cast  perceptive camerawork  and imaginative ways of treating the love scene . those ingredients are too assured and confident to merely dismiss as icing on the cake  especially since they are the substance of the cake itself . adapted from a pair of short stories by british novelist hanif kureishi  intimacy weaves desperate lovemaking between two strangers in london . every wednesday  jay ( rylance ) and claire ( fox ) meet in his cluttered  dank apartment for an hour or two of sexual release from their uninspired lives . he ', s been head bartender at a posh restaurant for over six years . she ', s a mystery to him but her glum workaday appearance reveals a similar dissatisfaction . they ', re both married  but his relationship has curdled into an embittered separation . as the weeks draw on  jay obsessively takes it upon himself to uncover claire ', s personal routines . in his attempt to gain a fuller semblance of who she is  he opens wounds that hadn ', t existed before by single - handedly corrupting the fantasy . if it weren ', t for a few unnecessary subplots involving jay ', s brother and his bevy of disgruntled co - workers  this minimalist premise might be described as a modern fable on the perils of wish fulfillment . chareau ', s restless camera ( once again wielded by superb and ever - attentive cinematographer eric gautier ) is less appropriate here than in his family transit - oriented those who love me can take the train . the scenes that linger are the still ones where rylance and fox separately  pensively attempt to carry on with their makeshift household routines . these are often captured in lingering  unblinking wide shots that view them stranded amidst their drab workplaces and homes . separation proves haunting in a melancholy series of intercut shots as rylance and fox undress on opposite sides of the room  crawling across the floor to meet in the center . despite being as restless as a fly during the hyperactive restaurant scenes ( all the better to blend in with a hustling crowd of gabby trendsetters )  you ', d be hard pressed to find a single uninteresting image . intimacy takes an interest in its sordid world of the lower - middle class  with lonely pubs and busy shopping streets -- it also understands the people who inhabit those spaces  viewing them with sympathy scraped raw . an evaluation would be incomplete without highlighting the great timothy spall ( the robust scene - stealer of many a mike leigh collaboration ) . as claire ', s cuckolded husband  this jocular heavyweight plays out his handful of bitter pill scenes with the unforced menace and self - effacing embarrassment of his imposing bulk . bangs in his eyes  his mouth forming into quizzical pouts and dry smirks  he may seem the fool in his barroom encounters opposite a sarcastic  gleaming mark rylance ( whose jay has arrived on the scene looking to stir up some trouble )  but spall is no one to trifle with . his overreaching best pal demeanor suggests a mind abuzz with secret passageways of guile  his pointed questions only na ? ve if you choose not to read into their crafty insinuations . in his unassuming way  spall ', s carefully etched interpretation of hostility buried under a mountain of surface propriety may become one of the most criminally underappreciated performances of the year  but maybe also one of the best . he ', s that good .
pos george little ( jonathan lipnicki ) wants a little brother . after mr . and mrs . little ( hugh laurie and geena davis ) visit the orphange  they decide to adopt stuart  a talking mouse ( voiced by michael j . fox ) . george isn ', t so fond of his new brother when stuart arrives at the little house  and neither is snowbell the family cat ( voiced by nathan lane ) . george and stuart eventually bond while preparing for a remote control boat race  but snowbell wants stuart out of the house ( he ', s unable to live with the taunts of other neighborhood felines saying it ', s ridiculous that a mouse has a pet cat ) . stuart little is a mix of live action and computer generated imagery ( cgi ) . the character of stuart  while obviously a computer generated image  grows on you as the film progresses and you ', ll soon see him as much more than a mere special effect . there is also a great deal of animal training involved with this film  as many of the " supporting cast " are actual cats ( with computer animated mouths so they can speak ) . it ', s fascinating to watch these cats give performances without an actual mouse to interact with . stuart little is a charming family film . there are some great laughs in the movie ( with a script co - written by the sixth sense ', s m . night shyamalan no less ! )  some moments that can only be described as " too cute " ( the boat race sequence is what won me over ) and even the majority of the one - liners ( common nowadays in children ', s films or films featuring nathan lane ) are tolerable . kids and parents will love this one . stuart little is available on dvd from columbia tristar home video . there are two different dvds on sale : one contains the film in full frame  and the other presents the film in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 66 : 1 . both versions feature choices of either dolby surround or dolby digital 5 . 1 audio . both versions also contain the following extras ( and hang in there with me here . . . there ', s a lot of them ) : a full length audio commentary track by director rob minkoff and animation supervisor henry anderson  a full length audio commentary track by the visual effects supervisors  an isolated score track  an interactive trivia game  an interactive featurette that goes step by step through eight of the effects in the film  a making of documentary that originally aried on hbo  and a stuart little read - along story ( which you can read yourself or have stuart read for you ) . there are also three music videos  and six theatrical trailers ( called thecatrical trailers . . . get it ? it ', s funny ! ) for stuart little and five other columbia tristar releases : the adventures of elmo in grouchland  madeline  the nuttiest nutcracker  muppets from space  and baby geniuses ( the only bad thing about this entire dvd . . . i did not want to be reminded of the awfulness that is baby geniuses ) . dvd - rom features are also on the disc  including web links and a demo of the stuart little cd - rom game . but wait . . . there ', s still more ! there ', s a section called " basement treasures " where you will find the auditions of the film ', s animators  six deleted scenes which you can select to view with or without commentary from the director  a visual effects gag reel  a production gag reel  and an incredible eight minute storyboard sequence detailing the original concept for the boat race scene ( with commentary from the director ) . the first commentary track features director rob minkoff and animation supervisor henry anderson . they give insightful and detailed thoughts about the film ', s production . minkoff likes to point out scenes where other screenwriters came in and polished up the script  namely writers like scott alexander and larry karaszewski ( who wrote the people vs . larry flynt and ed wood ) and lowell ganz and babaloo mandel ( who wrote splash and multiplicity  among others ) . anderson is very appreciative of the animators who worked with him and often points out which animator worked on each scene as they occur . the second commentary track features visual effects supervisors john dykstra and jerome chen who discuss more specific details of the effects in the film . movie fans will enjoy the informative first commentary track  serious animation buffs will love the second one . now i know this is slightly off topic  but it is related specifically to this dvd so i must voice this now . one of the music videos on the disc is for a song called " i need to know " by a group called r angels . this video features four mid - teenage girls ( the singers obviously ) having a slumber party . the girls ask a ouija board " i need to know . . . who to do  who to do  who to do " as the song begins . they then sneak out of their house  and along the way they strike a pose and their slumber party pajamas are magically transformed into middle class streetwalker outfits . then they head to a party and dance suggestively with the guys while singing lyrics like " i ', ll be your pleasure all the time . . . just say the words that you ', ll be mine " . um . . . what the hell ? what does this have to do with stuart little ? how is this in any way a song suitable for a kids movie  let alone a video suitable for a kids movie on dvd ? when the video concludes  the words " to be continued " appear . oh i can ', t wait to see who they ', ve slept with when the toy story 2 dvd comes out . kids won ', t care about most of the special features on this dvd  but those of us who can sometimes be turned into a " kid at heart " thanks to a winning family film sure appreciate them . this is the way to do dvd  a good movie loaded with great features at a reasonable cost . the di $ ney people could learn a lot from columbia tristar .
pos countries and legal systems that take the rule of law principle seriously  had forbidden judges and juries to make judgements in all matters that could involve them personally . luckily  movie reviewers aren ', t burdened with such legislation . otherwise  small pool of very special movies would be forever ignored by this reviewer . in case of star wars  1977 science fiction epic by george lucas  the consequences would be even more severe  because that film is very special for tens of millions  if not hundreds of millions of fans . in any case  objectivity is something seldom seen in star wars reviews  because undisputed majority of reviewers rate it as one of the best  if not the best film of all times . those who don ', t usually have some difficulties in hiding their artistic snobbery . the author of this review must also concede his inability to use cold  objective standards in reviewing this film . like so many previous reviewers  i must note that i watched star wars for the first time twenty years ago  and that i remained enchanted by the experience ever since . perhaps it was childlike fascination with  until then unimaginable  wonders that happened long time ago  in a galaxy far away . or perhaps it was the rush i felt minutes before the opening shots  with my expectations already pumped up by serialised comic books and novelisation i had read before . anyway  watching of star wars was one of the most important movie going experiences of my life . and it was also unmatched for many years to come  because very few movies managed to have such a strong impact on me like george lucas ', epic . star wars wasn ', t just important movie for me ( or the millions of fans who probably share the same sentiment ) . it was the defining moment in the history of modern cinema . until than  american motion picture industry was in a limbo ; social turmoil in 1960s practically destroyed the old hollywood  and new authors filled the void  mostly by using hollywood ', s financial and technical resources to create serious  " personal " or " artsy " movies . as a result  audience  traumatised of dark reality of vietnam and watergate  didn ', t want to see the same dark and serious content on the silver screen . george lucas with its science fiction epic was among the first to come into rescue . the audience responded with unprecedented enthusiasm  and huge financial success of the movie  later backed by supplement industry of toys  books  comics  role playing games and other merchandise  slowly began to change the face of hollywood . serious  adult movies with artistic ambitions faded into oblivion  and were replaced by industrial products of " blockbuster " philosophy . one of the biggest casualties of that trend was the science fiction movie genre . until 1977  science fiction movies were mostly in b - production domain . in late 1960s  bigger budgets for science fiction didn ', t look so strange anymore  thanks to the great success of 2001 : a space odyssey . but the same success coincided with the surge of pesimism  and hollywood science fiction was as bleak as the rest of its production - mostly dark  dystopic movies . however  in 1977 star wars showed once and for all that this genre can be inspiration for popular movies  even among the audience that usually doesn ', t like it . as a result  seriousness in cinematic science fiction began fading away  although some good  dark and cult quality sf and continued to be filmed until early 1980s . after that  science fiction continued to be considered a synonym for family entertainment . ironically  the man responsible for star wars was in its time considered to be member of " new hollywood " generation of young movie authors who made " artsy " and " personal " films in early 1970s . george lucas established himself with the dystopic sf movie thx 1138  and nostalgic drama american graffiti . both movies were considered " personal " in its time  despite latter one becoming very popular . in a sense  star wars is an also very " personal " film  and the thorny way to the final production shows that commercial considerations were against it  not for it . but unlike many " personal " movies of the era  its " personality " was in line with the wishes of the general audience . the plot  set " a long time ago  in a galaxy far away "  begins in a time of civil war . the evil empire is threatened by rebels who want to restore the old republic . in order to quash any opposition  the empire had built death star  superweapon powerful enough to destroy whole planets . the information about death star  acquired by rebel intelligence  is being transported by princess leia organa ( carrie fisher ) when her ship gets intercepted by imperial cruiser . princess is arrested by imperial warlord darth vader ( played by david prowse and voice by james earl jones )  but the information is being sent to nearby desert planet of tatooine via two humanoid robots - c3po ( anthony daniels ) and r2d2 ( kenny baker ) . those two robots are sold to the family of luke skywalker ( mark hamill )  young restless man who wants to leave his farm and become space pilot . his adventure begins when r2d2 escapes  because the information must reach mysterious local hermit obi wan kenobi ( alec guiness ) . old man is actually the last surviving jedi knight  member of the ancient order that defended republic through the use of mystical force . after some hesitation  luke agrees to join obi wan in his mission to save the princess  while the old man would teach him the ways of the force . their small band comes to the colourful spaceport of moss eisely  where they hire the spaceship owned by rogue pilot han solo ( harrison ford ) and his furry sidekick chewbacca ( peter mayhew ) . critics who don ', t like the movie  especially those who can ', t forgive lucas for his contribution to the quashing of " new hollywood "  are prone to point the lack of originality . on the surface  they might be right ; lucas himself admits that he found a lot of inspiration in the lore of old hollywood - westerns  wwii aviation movies  old sf cliffhanger serials of the 1930s and 1940s ; yet the most obvious element would be akira kurosawa ', s samurai classic the hidden fortress . on the other hand  those who had spent last two decades studying the movie to death would say that the inspiration for star wars went even further - into collective subconscious of western civilisation ( hinted by some mild tolkien references ) . the others would find the author ', s element within the story - star wars could be seen as an anti - establishment film ; young  long - haired  easy going  nature - loving heroes are fighting against old  uptight and oppressive forces who use supertechnology in most demonic purposes . even out of its historical or social context  star wars is an impressive as a strictly technical piece of the seven art . george lucas ', direction is very good  with the clever editing and a well - paced segments between action and dramatic buildup . characters are well - drawn and deliver all the necessary ingredients  both for the space opera and hollywood blockbuster . we have a " coming - of - age " hero  damsel - in - distress ( somewhat toned down due to the popular feminist trends of the time )  reluctant helper  benevolent mentor  diabolical villain and  finally  comic relief in form of two non - human characters . some of the actors are very good - alec guiness in his most famous role to date  james earl jones whose voice is enough to cause unease  peter cushing as an incarnation of pure evil in human form . unfortunately  the same can ', t be said for the main leads - among the main trio of mark hamill  carrie fisher and harrison ford  only the last one had the character three - dimensional enough to launch his further acting career . the thing that looked like the most important segment of star wars phenomena during its initial release was the new level of special effects technology . often comparisons with 2001 : space odyssey  another ground - breaking sf film  were citing the sheer number of effects as a proof of the lucas ', superiority over kubrick . however  the special effects by john dykstra and john stears are indeed impressive  even after two decades ( although 1997 special edition did improve them significantly )  yet they aren ', t the most remembered trademark of the movie . that honour should definitely go to the " oscar " - winning soundtrack by john williams  whose work on star wars is probably the brightest gem in his brilliant career . newer generations of viewers might be somewhat deprived of the enchantment that still holds those lucky enough to witness star wars original release . yet  even if they are immune to the george lucas ', magic they should watch this film nevertheless  perhaps only to become familiar with something that is essential part of contemporary culture .
pos frequency n .  the number of times a specified phenomenon occurs within a specified interval as the number of repetitions of a complete sequence of values of a periodic function per unit variation of an independent variable ? etc don ', t worry . when watching the thriller frequency  you won ', t have to know what the heck frequency means . the premise  although it may sound complex  is very basic on the big screen . a new york cop  john  ( jim caviezel ) finds a radio in his house  which allows him to communicate with his new york firefighter father  frank  ( dennis quaid ) who died thirty years ago . immediately john warns his father that he will die trying to stop a fire in an abandoned warehouse . when frank takes his advice and survives the accident he wasn ', t supposed to  the two eventually realize that by changing that one moment in the past  they have created a whole new future in which a serial killer murders john ', s mother and nine other women . it is now up to john and frank to use their special connection and save thirty years ago to make present time a better place . ( i told you that wasn ', t confusing ? ) . overall  i was very pleased with frequency . it ', s occasional sappy moments perfectly synchronized with its suspenseful serial killer scenes . i usually don ', t buy those cheesy " i love you dad " segments in movies  but this one surprisingly satisfied me . maybe because the plot is so creative and universal that i believed that this is how most people would act when talking to a dead relative . frequency ', s creepy premise left me thinking once the film ended  what if ? what would i do ? would i help my own family or save a historical figure from being assasinated ? or stop some kids from shooting other kids ? or buy stock from yahoo ! ? ( a character in the film does the latter with humorous consequences ) . frequency also reminded me of the fantastic back to the future . both share that " change the past slightly  and you ', ll change the future heavily " warning . the changes between the present and the past  such as different newspaper headlines or people disappearing and reappearing in photographs  are very similar . both are also wonderful feel - good family films that can attract to a number of generations . the only difference worth noting is that frequency ', s final scene doesn ', t set up a possibility for a lucrative sequel already in the making . there are some problems with the film though . first  there is a major flaw in the story towards the end that is somewhat distracting ( email me if you have seen the movie and want to know what i think it is ) . the plot must have confused even the filmmakers who frequently ( no pun intended ) switch from 1969 to 1999 while telling the story . another problem is that the supporting cast  including noah emmerich and andre braugher  are underused . while in the film  which is not enough  the aforementioned actors steal every scene they are in . frequency was a pleasant surprise for me and the audience i saw it with who cheered at the end . even if you know what is going to happen or if you think the preview ruined the movie for you  like it almost did for me  check this movie out . you may be surprised as well .
pos " psycho meets the exorcist with no holds barred " . a blurb like that sounds like desperate publicity for some low budget  third rate rip - off . but no  this tacky plug comes from the poster for suspiria  perhaps italian horror director dario argento ', s most consistently successful film . what impresses most in re - watching this surrealistic  supernatural thriller is that argento ', s directorial flair and stylish visuals are matched by a near - fully coherent narrative . screenplays have always been his achilles heel ; confusing subplots  gaping holes  totally illogical incidents and reactions . no question : argento has always been a better director than a writer . fortunately  he gets the plotting pretty well right with suspiria  taking his cue from a book by thomas de quincey called " suspiria de profundis " . the film ', s storyline suffers from no major lapses in logic  provided one can accept the premise of a ballet school being a front for a coven of witches . jessica harper plays an american who travels to germany to further her studies in dance . arriving at the school late at night in driving rain  she sees a girl leave and run into the storm in a clearly distressed state . what happens next - and i don ', t make the comparison lightly - is a murder sequence that for intensity  shock value and sheer directorial flair ranks alongside alfred hitchcock ', s infamous shower scene in psycho . it ', s quite possibly a homage to hitchcock  but with its baroque sets  graphic gore and brilliantly chaotic musical accompaniment by the gothic rock group goblin  this stunning sequence remains very much argento ', s own . though nothing else quite equals the intensity of suspiria ', s opening 15 minutes  the film continues to be never anything less than engrossing as harper begins her own investigations and slowly comes to realise this is no ordinary ballet school . we meet an assortment of slightly sinister characters  most notably the head ballet teacher played by alida valli in another one of those delicious sour - old - matriarch - from - hell roles she does so well . several more violent murders ensue  including a startling scene in a deserted square where a blind man is . . . well  i wouldn ', t want to spoil things now  would i ? and the film ', s climax  staged amid secret corridors and hidden rooms  has a gothic ghoulishness that ', s most impressive . the english language versions of most argento movies usually suffer trimming  and not just for the violence - deep red and phenomena  for example  have been appallingly hacked about . fortunately  the cuts to suspiria ( about 7 minutes in this version ) have not adversely affected the film . the dubbing of the italian actors into english is quite competently done  too  excepting one appalling and unintentionally hilarious effort with a conversation between harper and a professor about the history of witchcraft in the region . and the soundtrack ? it is interesting to imagine what power the film would have lost if it had been scored by someone else . as it stands  the use of goblin ', s music in suspiria is outstanding . apparently  argento played the soundtrack on location while filming so the actors could hear the music as they acted out their parts . a stereo video player adds greatly to the viewer ', s overall experience . even better  see suspiria in a cinema  where you ', ll get the added bonus of widescreen . and the colours ! deep reds  eerie blues  a superb use of shadow and contrast . the cinematography of luciano tovoli  whose more recent credits include reversal of fortune and single white female  is uniformly superb . a nod also must go to production designer giuseppe bassan for his wonderful baroque interiors . these kinds of settings are crucial to the atmosphere of argento ', s more surreal excursions  the other most notable example being inferno ( 1980 ) on which bassan also worked . suspiria is the film that broke dario argento into the major league of european directors  and it is fully deserving of its cult status . the gore is at times a little excessive and overstated - that ', s always been one of argento ', s shortcomings - but overall this is a fascinating  compelling example of italian horror .
pos jackie brown entered theaters with little fanfare and a lot of expectation . even though advance publicity on this one was fairly limited  the audiences waited for the showings with heightened anticipation . this is  after all  the first movie quentin tarantino has directed since the highly touted pulp fiction . to say he has been inactive in between would be to tell a falsehood  since he has been involved in such projects as destiny turns on the radio  desperado  four rooms  and from dusk ', til dawn . he was also called in at the last minute to help punch up the screenplay for crimson tide . ( i ', m willing to wager the debate over which silver surfer is the only true silver surfer was penned by him . ) tarantino contributed on and off screen to these films  but never took the director ', s helm . nearly four years since gaining notoriety on the hollywood scene and making john travolta a star once more  tarantino returns with a film he can call his own . the film opens up with an homage to the graduate  with jackie brown ( pam grier ) on one of those airport people movers as the credits are displayed in front of her . jackie is a flight attendant for air cabo  which flies back and fourth between los angeles and cabo san lucas . this makes jackie a convenient cash courier for gun dealer ordell robbi ( samuel l . jackson ) who is currently keeping his money stashed in mexico . however  while bringing fifty thousand dollars back into the u . s . for ordell  jackie is apprehended by fbi agent mark dargus ( michael bowen ) and atf agent ray nicolet ( michael keaton )  who catch her not only with the money  but with a bonus of a couple of ounces of illicit drugs . jackie didn ', t know they were in the package with the cash  but that ', s of no consequence to the authorities  who threaten jackie with a couple of years hard time if convicted . of course  dargus and nicolet are just using the sentence to get jackie to turn over the big fish  ordell . ordell uses honest bail bondsman max cherry ( robert forster ) to get jackie out of jail  but while max is immediately attracted to her  jackie is more concerned about her immediate safety  since ordell killed the last one of his operatives who got picked up by the police . sure enough  ordell shows up at jackie ', s apartment that evening and tries to silence jackie for good  but she " borrows " max ', s pistol and manages to turn the tables on ordell . instead of closing the irony circle and relocating a bullet from the pistol ', s chamber to ordell ', s head  jackie proposes a deal . since ordell wants to get his money out of mexico  jackie will get back up to her old tricks and be a courier for him once more  but this time for a more substantial fee : fifteen percent of ordell ', s half million dollars . with a gun in his face  how can ordell not agree ? by itself  this premise might have been interesting enough to carry the film . however  we are also introduced to a number of double crosses which make us pay attention and think . jackie claims to be bringing the money in for ordell  but she ', s also making a deal with the feds as well as with max . the film throws us off every once in a while by leading us to believe the deal we thought was authentic is actually a sham  but it is in no way done to the extent that we feel jerked around . instead  it ', s actually a nice departure from the predictability which is prevalent in so many of today ', s movies . at least this film has a little imagination . most of the performances in jackie brown are above par . pam grier  of whom i had never taken notice before  plays jackie with a mix of confidence and vulnerability which makes her character believable . samuel l . jackson has a kind of mesmerizing quality about him as he handles himself in situations where you know he is in total control . robert forster is thoroughly likable because he comes across as such an honest guy  trying to do his best . . never mind that he belongs to a profession where sneaking into a guy ', s apartment to zap him with a stun gun is simply a matter of course . he ', s just so down - to - earth  the nature of his job really doesn ', t occur to us  even when we ', re shown him bringing a handcuffed woman to prison  or when we see the tools of his trade . in supporting roles are robert de niro as louis gara  a recently paroled friend of ordell ', s  and bridget fonda as melanie  one of the girls ordell keeps around town . unfortunately  de niro is basically wasted as his lines are few and far between  and then they are mostly clipped sentences . in this film  he ', s not really de niro  but stereotypical de niro  uttering things like  " little bit  " and " pretty much . " fonda  on the other hand  plays the slightly spaced - out melanie with satisfactory relish and cuteness  such that even when she is annoying louis  we are taking her side . as is characteristic of any film in which tarantino has had a hand  the dialog is quick and snappy . it grabs our attention and is actually interesting  and in many respects  this makes jackie brown a film which needs few visuals ; the lines are a form of art in and amongst themselves . don ', t count tarantino out when it comes to using the camera  however . there ', s a scene where max is unwittingly watching a dry run of a money exchange  and he ', s not really sure what ', s happening  but by composing the scene just so  his realization of what ', s going on is felt simultaneously by the audience . we look at the screen and think  " gee  that ', s clever  " and then think the same thing about how the film induced us into that wonderful feeling of catching on . although tarantino isn ', t afraid to drag out a shot for dramatic effect  it unfortunately works to varying degrees in this film . there are shots where a character is simply driving  and we watch this person and somehow get an idea of what is going on in his or her head . this is a tribute to both direction and acting . however  there is at least one other scene where we follow jackie through a mall  and she is looking for something ; desperately looking for something . we get the idea of the frantic nature of her search  but we follow her for so long that we end up not really caring about what she ', s looking for  but instead hoping she ', ll just stop . overall  viewing jackie brown is time spent well . some flap has already been made about the language used in the film  but it ', s really not much worse than many of the other movies out there today . in fact  one might even be able to say that the way in which these " offensive " words are employed almost cause them to parody themselves and therefore transcend their own offensiveness . go see the film and see what i mean .
pos directed by : pixote hunt  hendel butoy  eric goldberg  james algar  francis glebas  gaetan & paul brizzi conducted by : james levine composed by : ludwig van beethoven  ottorino respighi  george gershwin  dmitri shostakovich  camille saint - saens  paul dukas  sir edward elgar  igor stravinsky rated : g scripture references : 1 samuel 16 : 23  ephesians 5 : 19  1 chronicles 15 : 15 - 16 in 1940  walt disney released a filmed experiment . fantasia was a blend of two art forms : classical music and animation . while it was not immediately popular with the audiences of its day  it has since become recognized as something of a classic . according to the program notes  it was mr . disney ', s intention to have fantasia be a continual work in progress . sixty years later  thanks to the ongoing efforts of walt ', s nephew  a new fantasia is being released . it was not only worth the waiting  it is evidence to just how far animation has come during the past half - decade . with seven new sequences and one old favorite  fantasia 2000 exhibits an imagination and respect for its art form that is absent from most other feature films . like the original  fantasia 2000 will more than likely bore the very young  although there is more narrative appeal in this newer version and the segments appear to be substantially shorter  perhaps a nod to the shorter attention span of the studio ', s primary audience . ranging from the silly to the sublime  each segment is preceded by a short  humorous introduction or interstitial by a guest celebrity host  steve martin ( bowfinger ) being the first and most effective . these are quickly forgotten as conductor james levine leads the chicago symphony orchestra through the musical program which  along with the images drawn by the disney team of animators  is thoughtfully and beautifully brought to a stunning synthesis . fantasia 2000 is being released exclusively in the giant - screened imax theaters  making for a unique viewing experience . there is enough variety in the program to provide something enjoyable for everyone and surely  people will exit the theaters with their own personal favorites . for me  that would have to be the jazz age story of four unconnected and discontented people living in nyc who  unknowingly  help each other realize their dreams . drawn in the style of caricaturist al hirschfeld and inspired by george gershwin ', s rhapsody in blue  the music and images are blended perfectly resulting in a product greater than the sum of its two parts . children will like the short piece set to carnival of the animals by camille saint - saens . here  a goofy looking flamingo irritates the rest of the flock with his yo - yo playing antics . they will also giggle as donald duck  playing noah ', s assistant  tries to load the animals into the ark to the familiar strains of pomp and circumstance by sir edward elgar . ( while the depiction is not biblically accurate  it is entertaining and might be excuse enough to familiarize ourselves with the true record by reading what is written in genesis 7 . ) a positive note is that the studio has avoided any segment which is as perversely dark as nihgt on bald mountain upon which the original film ended . there are some images based upon fantasy such as the flying whales in respighi ', s pines of rome or images which have their roots in mythology such as the ethereal creatures which tell the story of nature ', s cycle of life  death  and rebirth in igor stravinsky ', s firebird suite . but the stories they tell are uplifting  containing nothing too frightening for our younger children . the darkest segment  spiritually speaking  actually belongs to the only holdover from the original fantasia  mickey mouse in the sorcerer ', s apprentice by paul dukas . but overall  the emotions evoked from fantasia 2000 are positive ones  being full of hope and promise . music has an impact which can be undeniably felt  capable of leading the listener to emotional peaks and inspirational highs simply not attainable through other mediums . it is no wonder that the levites  as the priestly tribe of the old testament  were also the appointed musicians . if fantasia 2000 is able to introduce a new audience to music which inspires and exalts  it will have done an incredible service .
pos ingredients : little orphan boy  rural grandparents  mountains  native american lore synopsis : in this loving film portrayal of an idyllic and pivotal time that a young boy spends with grandpa and grandma  the self recollections of an unseen narrator focus on his world view as a tennessee orphan boy learning of his heritage through his grandparents . the setting is after the first world war  during the great depression years . a nine - year - old orphan named little tree ( joseph ashton ) is taken in and taught the wondrous ways of the woods by his caucasian moonshiner grandpa ( james cromwell ) and his native american grandma ( tantoo cardinal ) in the wilderness of the mountains of tennessee . here little tree learns an almost magical appreciation for nature and farm life - - and experiences beautiful and wondrous things such as the sunrise . everything is miraculous to a child . but it all comes crashing down for the boy when the u . s . government forcibly takes custody away from grandpa and grandma  and forces little tree to attend the notched gap boarding school  a kind of internment camp where multiracial cherokee kids are indoctrinated to dress  pray  speak  and think like white people or face solitary confinement and corporeal punishment . through his childhood experiences  little tree learns lessons about love  race  life  death  people  nature  and folk wisdom . opinion : this excellent  excellent family movie . it is one of those priceless screen gems that nobody knows about because it ', s not highly advertised . you won ', t find any formula schlock  cutesy characters  canned spirituality  sequel teasers or commercial tie ins  but you will find the education of little tree to be a refreshing  impeccably acted  original  wonderful  and touching film . take the whole family and bring a box of tissues for the tearjerkers . this one ', s as good as old yeller .
pos disney cements their place in the forefront of feature animation with the release of their latest animated adventure  mulan . while it adheres a bit too close to the disney formula to be perfect  it is nonetheless an entertaining film for both kids and adults . fa mulan ( ming - na wen  singing : lea salonga ) wants nothing more than to be a dutiful daughter and honor her family . . . it ', s just that she doesn ', t quite fit in with the chafing customs of her time . while most girls her age are trying to quietly and demurely seek the approval of the local matchmaker ( miriam margoyles )  mulan would prefer speaking her mind . but there is trouble on the horizon . the evil huns  led by shan - yu ( miguel ferrer )  are invading china . the emperor ( pat morita ) has decreed that each family must donate one man to serve in the army . the only male in mulan ', s family is her father  fa zhou ( soon - tek oh )  who  old and with a bad leg  honorably accepts his fate . mulan  on the other hand  decides to save her father ', s life . . . by secretly masquerading as a man and taking his place on the battlefield . mulan  under the assumed name of ping  appears at camp where she  along with the other bumbling recruits  yao ( harvey fierstein )  chien - po ( jerry tondo ) and ling ( gedde watanabe )  are trained in the art of war by captain shang ( b . d . wong  singing : donny osmond ) . but she ', s not alone in her tasks . . . in typical disney fashion  she has three animal companions : her horse khan  a lucky cricket crickey  and a pint - sized " guardian " dragon called mushu ( eddie murphy ) . much like the gargoyles in the hunchback of notre dame  the humor in mulan is lukewarm and doesn ', t flow well with the rest of the more serious story . sure  some occasional comic relief is welcome  particularly in a film geared for the younger set  but mulan overdoes it . the overdose of humor turns what could have been a powerfully great film into a good  but schizophrenic experience . but  that commentary aside  this is a very well made film ( which makes the formulaic additions all the more regrettable ) . the animation is on par with some of disney ', s best . the story itself is interesting  and the action scenes are awe - inspiring . the musical score to the film is enjoyable  though  as has been the case with disney ', s recent work  the songs are mostly forgettable . at least  we ', re only subjected to four of them this time around . mulan boasts the highest death toll of any disney cartoon to date . most of the killing is off - screen and it ', s all highly depersonalized ( there ', s nothing to compare with the death of mufasa or bambi ', s mom ) . there ', s nothing graphic  and the film resides snugly inside a g rating . children will probably have more questions about the restrictive ancient customs than of the slaughter of armies . it ', s ironic that a film concerned with bucking tradition is hampered because of its strict adherence to disney tradition . if the filmmakers had the guts to lessen the humor  ax the compulsory songs  and remove the obligatory ( and somewhat unrealistic ) romance  they could have had a classic on their hands . instead  they merely deliver a very good time at the movies .
pos capsule : the world will come to an end at midnight . everyone knows it and must make a final peace with the last hours of their lives . this is an intelligent science fiction film with no special effects  just personalities and ideas .  high + 2 ( - 4 to + 4 ) - it is the last night of the planet and several different people are reacting each in their own way to the end . the film covers 6 pm to midnight . the main character is patrick played by david mckellan who also wrote and directed . - reminiscent of on the beach . but much more so of a story richard matheson wrote  " the last day . " ( p . s . on rereading the 1953 matheson  this film is almost a loose adaptation of that story . the similarities may be mere coincidence  but they are numerous and they are very striking . ) - us release may be problematical . the title is lackluster and non - memorable  though very appropriate when you know about the film . also provincial americans may not care about the end of the world coming to toronto . they probably would feel it would not affect them . perhaps a pbs release would be possible . - patrick ', s family has declared it christmas and are hurt that the ( adult ) children will not spend the whole evening with them . - grocery stores mostly looted . it seems though that one of everything is left . - some people continue business as usual  some want sex  some react with religion  some riot . some people are in total denial . - much comedy  much drama . - very canadian cast . - it does not get dark . it is just always daytime . - radio playing " last night i didn ', t get to sleep at all . " how appropriate . - david cronenberg as a kind of bland functionary manager at the gas company . genvieve bujold as french teacher visiting former student . - science fiction film with no special effects  cost about two million dollars . - the person you have been thrown together with by chance becomes the most important person to you for the rest of your life . - why would it be so precisely at midnight ? what about other time zones ? what is the nature of what is destroying the world ?
pos the rich man ', s wife is one of those movies like final analysis or body double  where the story and characters are so one - dimensional and contrived that you know you shouldn ', t be enjoying yourself . but somehow  the movie just tries so hard that you begin to forgive it and get into the swing of things . not that it ', s bad  it ', s just that it ', s been done before ; and better  in my opinion . i realize that this is going to sound pretty bizarre  but it ', s probably the best analogy that i can come up with right now ; you know how when you see a spider or something in your toilet  striving helplessly to get out  and instead of just flushing him  you end up kind of rooting for the little guy ? that ', s basically how i felt about this movie . i mean  it ', s not very good  but it ', s not completely bad either . the wife of the title is josie potenza ( played nicely by halle berry ) . she is married to tony ( christopher mcdonald . . . you know  the guy who looks like joe piscapo )  a really stressed - out businessman who drinks way to much and doesn ', t give josie the attention she deserves ( * cough  cough * ) . thus  she is driven into the arms of another man  jake golden ( clive owen ) . near the beginning of the film  josie decides to try and work things out with tony by dumping jake and going on a vacation to a remote cabin in the woods . once there  however  tony has to leave almost immediately due to business details ( i ', m still not quite sure what line of work he ', s in ) . making the best of her situation  josie stays there and begins making the rounds at the local bars . one night  she meets a stranger named cole ( peter greene  finally getting a meaty role ) . they have dinner together  and eventually  both josie and the audience start to realize that cole is homicidal . after learning that she is not happily married  cole offers to " take care " of the problem . managing to escape from the psychotic maniac  josie returns home and starts a reconciliation with her estranged and very wealthy husband . but then one night  cole shows up . . . and here is where the fun begins . from this point on  it ', s going to be a no - holds - barred cliche - fest  ripping off every movie from strangers on a train to the usual suspects . this is why most critics panned this movie when it first came out . and for the most part  they ', re right ; the rich man ', s wife has nary one original bone in it ', s body . but who cares ? if you ', re looking for good ol ', dumb suspense movie  you can ', t do much better than this . and if you suspense buffs aren ', t already sold  it has a killer of an ending too .
pos with a team of 200 graphic artists and animators working on this first film production from game developer squaresoft ', s square pictures  final fantasy  inspired by the top - selling game franchise  is visually awe - inspiring and groundbreaking . no doubt  you have never seen anything like this film  and the hyperbolic fanfare surrounding its release is absolutely deserved . but why does such a tremendous feat of eye candy have to be weighted down with a problematic story  wooden dialogue and generally uncharismatic voice acting ? obviously  the primary goal of the film is to stun and amaze audiences with extremely sophisticated cgi . everything you see in the film is rendered in great detail : individual threads in the fabric  individual strands of hair swaying  wrinkles and pimples on skin  incredible water effects . overall  the expressions and lip movements fairly accurately match the emotions and dialogue ; and the times when they don ', t sync perfectly really stand out  since the animation is usually so dazzling . but you won ', t spend much time dwelling on those gaffes -- as soon as you catch one  the next stellar monster or effect will have you muttering  " wow . . . " like the series of games  final fantasy ', s plot and characters have little to do with its predecessors  outside of being born from the same japanese mastermind  hironobu sakaguchi . it ', s the year 2065  and humans are prisoners in caged cities of their own making that guard them from an outside world now overrun with deadly alien " phantoms . " whenever a human comes in contact with the ghostly visitors  the often - invisible beings pass through the body and wrench out its soul ( for some unexplainable reason ) . while many humans agree with a plan by monomaniacal general hein ( james woods ) to blast the aliens with a " zeus cannon  " dr . aki ross ( ming - na ) and dr . sid ( donald sutherland ) plan to build a " wave " using eight collected " spirits " to counteract the phantoms and kill them off . while the images serve the sci - fi aspect of the film well  the storytelling doesn ', t . it ', s unfortunate  because the plot seems so intricately thought out . perhaps it was far too complex and enormous to be entirely incorporated into the script . some could blame this weakness on the fact that it was a japanese concept translated to english  except two americans wrote the screenplay . nevertheless  the end result is an elaborate story complicated by confusing holes . why do these aliens feed on souls ? if they can pass through bodies and ships  how can humans hurt them with guns ? what is so special about the " spirits " that they would create a force strong enough to destroy the aliens ? worse yet  the dialogue is scripted to be either like a science - heavy star trek episode  an installment of die hard  or a sappy love story  depending on who ', s doing the talking . for the most part  it ', s bearable considering the genre  but tedious speeches and cheesy lines don ', t do anything to help the actors and can get annoying in the longer scenes . the only exception is steve buscemi as pilot neil fleming  who always has great cracks during tense moments . but  when the lights come up and the credits roll  you ', re more likely to be remarking on how fantastic the film looked . there ', s no question that the roughly 33 million people who have bought at least one final fantasy game will be eager to see this movie  and so should anyone who enjoys being floored by the best cg animation ever put to film . you ', d be living in a fantasy world of your own if you expected much more .
pos ladies and gentlemen  1997 ', s independence day is here ! it ', s title : starship troopers . and surprisingly  it is more entertaining than id4 . i realize that i gave last year ', s sci - fi hit a 4 star rating  but i was under the spell of the powerful first hour . after subsequent viewings  i feel that independence day really wasn ', t as great as it seemed -- though i still give it a positive review . starship troopers  on the other hand  has a mocking sense of humor  knowing perfectly well how ridiculous it may seem . as a result  starship troopers is a more exciting  energetic  and lively science fiction film . in fact  i probably could never get tired of watching this film . starship troopers is very reminiscient of star wars  another kick - ass space opera which reinvented the sci - fi drama altogether . while starship troopers is no star wars  it comes quite close  and the easiest assessment would be to call this film : " the ', star wars ', of the 90s . " am i being to generous to this film ? perhaps  but when a science fiction film comes along that can mix humor and romance  effectively  into the warring races . in essence  this is the science fiction equivolence of pulp fiction . the easiest way to write a review of this film would be to compare it to other science fiction films  and i may have to . starship troopers is not quite an original film persay  but director paul verhoeven gives the film a " kick - the - aliens "'-", asses " style . id4 had this same style  except it was forced  most likely the cause of will smith having a major role . this new " star wars " has a very simple  basic plot : mankind vs . an alien species . the alien species in question here is the bugs  a seemingly advanced civilization of arachnid - type insects . however  the underlying morals of starship troopers are fleshed out with deadly accuracy . sometimes the morals are buried by the bloody violence and intense action scenes  but during quiet moments  we realize that starship troopers has something to tell us about our civilization . more than likely  these morals will be overpowered and quickly forgotten by the time the movie ends . and they should be . i doubt verhoeven intended this film to be a thought - provoking film . this is an " event " film  but surprisingly above average . it is extremely refreshing to watch a sci - fi war film  and actually root for the human side ( something independence day never achieved ) . starship troopers begins with a satirical portrayal of those strange " join the army " ads . mixing a web - based interface  these summations of events are refreshingly original . stating  " would you like to know more ? "  these short news bulletins give the film an immediate sense of humor  and we know we should not take it seriously . however  we also witness the murder of several troopers in battle  in a gory  yet funny  way . after witnessing the slaughter  the film jumps back one year  to setup what we just saw . we are introduced to johnny rico ( casper van dien ) and carmen ibanez ( denise richards ) . rico flirts with carmen by sending her messages over computer terminals in school classrooms . however  carmen isn ', t as interested in rico as she is in becoming a pilot . however  another classmate  dizzy flores ( dina meyer )  has her eye on rico . unfortunately  rico isn ', t interested in dizzy . this setup is rather cliched  as is the result of the setup  but it still is fun to watch . carmen signs up to become a starship trooper  and as a result  rico signs up . and as a result  dizzy signs up . everyone is assigned a certain position in the academy : carmen gets the pilot position she wanted  carl jenkins ( neil patrick harris )  a psychic  gets a position in the training program  and rico is left in the lowest class of the starship troopers : the mobile infantry . the main story follows rico through his trials and relationships . in reality  i found myself watching a space version of " melrose place  " but with better special effects . an hour into the film  the war begins . a sense of tension grew in the audience i watched this film with . the first hour may have been a funny ( sometimes unintentionally ) setup  but we grew to care for the flat characters  because no matter how hard i tried not to like the characters  their gorgeous looks won me over ( call me superficial  if you must ) . following the training sessions  which had many dramas in themselves ( too many to mention here )  the troopers are sent to war . the bugs live on the planet klendathu  a planet which consists of dirt and rock  and pretty much nothing else . many dramas occur during the war  until finally the troopers realize that their is something behind the bugs ', attacks . a sort of intelligence which masterminds the defense . the troopers are ordered to locate the " brain " and capture it . i hopefully left the plot as vague as possible  because starship troopers is not about plot . it ', s about special effects and gory violence . director verhoeven  most known for his nudie film showgirls and basic instinct  returns to his sci - fi days  which gave us good films like total recall . verhoeven likes to push the envelope of the mpaa  but despite all the violence  the comic book feel gives the film a sense of falsehood . starship troopers is extremely violent  with more gore than this year ', s event horizon . the r rating is well deserved  and hopefully parents will not allow their 12 year old children to see it . my guess is that verhoeven ', s target audience is the 18 to 25 male group . the film has a testosterone level off the charts  with chiseled men and beautiful women . despite these superficial elements  starship troopers also creates a world which made star wars so successful . while watching the film  we never second guess the character ', s decisions because they seem perfectly clear . thankfully  no hero is punching aliens in the face  which gives the flat characters some depth for which we can identify with . the cast of starship troopers is quite annoying to begin with  but they soon grow on you . casper van dien has the chiseled facial features and tan skin which will make most girls swoon . to most guys  he will come across as artificial . fortunately  van dien is the worst of the cast  despite how hard he tries to come off as a real character . dina meyer does a much better job of fleshing out her character . her dizzy is extremely likeable . denise richards also does a good job  and her scenes are very well done . jake busey  gary busey ', s son  gives a wonderfully funny performance  and provides one of the biggest laughs of the film . neil patrick harris ( remember  he was doogie howser ) is a little wooden  and slightly out of place with the rest of the cast . however  he does give a good performance . michael ironside gives the best performance of the film as the teacher with one arm . his performance rises above the rest . perhaps it is because his character is the most developed  but i think it is just ironside ', s presence on screen . unfortunately  no particular cast member gives a star - making performance  which is too bad because the material here could have made many of the cast members stars . director verhoeven is the main star of the film . his direction is fast and unrelentless . he never slows down his pace  which makes for a wild ride . writer edward neumeier adapted the screenplay from the book by robert heinlein . the writing is usually very funny  and sometimes very corny . the dialogue is smart but not too smart . we aren ', t required to know everything  but some plot holes are left unanswered . thankfully we are not intended to notice  and we really don ', t ( except for one which lingered in my mind for quite a while ) . amazingly  with all the wars and romance going on  the screenplay manages to include some surprising governmental issues . in fact  these governmental changes seem fairly plausible  and this adds another layer to the story . the moral debate of the characters is quite surprising to find in a film of this genre  but what is even more surprising is the amount of humor included into all the carnage . i haven ', t laughed this loud  even in some comedies . oh  and the special effects are first rate . starship troopers is rated r for graphic sci - fi violence and gore  and for some language and nudity . believe me when i say this : don ', t take young kids to see this film . it is extremely violent . in fact  it is probably the most violent film out this year . however  if you are old enough ( over 17 ) to see it  starship troopers is guaranteed to entertain . it ', s been a long time since i have cheered for the heros  while also cheering for the bad guys . and still  it is my dream to see a sci - fi film in which the alien race destroys mankind  and take over the world . now that would be entertaining !
pos billed as a " feminist sex fantasy "  this spirited  imaginative and thoroughly engaging film by the award - winning canadian director cynthia roberts  is destined for extreme reactions . camille paglia enthusiasts will no doubt champion this heart - felt tale of the title character bubbles galore ( nina hartley )  a porn - actress - turned - porn - producer who faces an uphill battle in her quest for sexual and economic independence . however  those in the andrea dworkin camp  will no doubt loathe the film ', s decidedly pro - porn stance . political considerations aside  however  this is a delightful lesbian love story as the film takes us on a whirlwind tour of bubbles ', romantic entanglements with a naive and virginal young porn starlet dory drawers ( shauny sexton ) . in the backdrop  however is bubbles ', loyal assistant vivian klitorsky ( tracy wright ) who pines longingly for the affections of her bubbly boss . this femme - butch - femme triangle is what provides the film with considerable humanity * and * sensuality . in addition to the romantic aspects of the story  bubbles is being stalked and terrorized by her ex - boyfriend godfrey montana ( daniel macivor )  a slimy porn mogul who wishes to make her life as miserable as he can possibly make it . when his plans to sabotage her latest film fall through  he snaps and psychotically decides to kill her . these proceedings are presided over by a most heavenly presence . god herself - yes  in the world of this film  god  is most definitely a " her " - and a chorus of undulating  scantily - clad angels  have their most watchful and lustful eyes on the events as they unfold  adding a lovely fantasy element to this frothy concoction . this bright  colourful and deliriously sexy film is chock - full of great performances . making her dramatic debut  after appearing in over 300 triple x adult films  porn star nina hartley takes command of her role with considerable assurance and a screen presence which puts many other contemporary ', straight ', actresses to shame . hartley has overwhelming star power  and one wonders why other non - triple - x producers haven ', t used her bountiful talents . it is also interesting to note that hartley appears in the recent release of " boogie nights "  a film which takes a far more traditional doom - and - gloom approach to the porn industry . making a cameo appearance in the role of god  former porn actress annie sprinkle  a true artist in her own right - gives the entire film an earthy  sensual glow and certainly solidifies and  by her very appearance  downright justifies the themes of the movie . the other performances are equally solid . daniel macivor appropriately chews up the scenery as the villainous godfrey and tracy wright lends able support with her complex role . shauny sexton  an erotic dancer and pin - up model  makes an impressive screen debut . overall  bubbles galore is a film which wears its politics on its sleeve and very proudly indeed . at one point  the title character declares that " instead of trying to save women from the sex trade  we should be working to ensure that the sex trade is a safe place for women to work " . the direction by cynthia roberts is daring and subversive . roberts is not afraid to plunge the otherwise straight - ahead and simple narrative into extended and extremely avant - garde montage sequences . the love scenes between the women are especially beautiful . the musical score by nicholas stirling blends cool jazz and lounge stylings  while the skilful cinematography by harald bachmann terrifically captures a blend of garish 70 ', s porn and psychedelia . amazingly  this film appears to have received a good deal of its funding from a variety of canadian government cultural agencies . this speaks volumes towards the importance of state funding for culture  as one cannot imagine such an entertaining  original and vital film being made in a traditional setting where conformity and formula rule the day . bubbles galore seems to be making the film festival rounds and does not  at present  appear to have any traditional distribution in place  so keep your eye on the alternative film listings for this one . it ', s funny  sexy and subversive . and it shouldn ', t be missed .
pos seen at the 21st portland international film festival film title : supermarket woman director : juzo itami country : japan 1997 cinematography : yonezo maeda music : toshiyuki honda cast : nobuko miyamoto  masahitko tsugawa  shiro ito  yuji miyake  akiko matsumoto super features : typical itami film . . . funny and pointed in its own way . if you don ', t care how and what the food you buy goes through in your local supermarket  then this film is not for you . . . . maybe it is better to ignore it  as this strong and biting satire  as only juzo itami can deliver  will give you an insight as to what some foods go through . having  in the past  made films that pulled every punch imaginable  from the family traditions ( the funeral )  to taxes ( a taxing woman & a taxing woman returns )  to the diabolical gangsters ( minbo )  to hospitals ( the seriously ill )  juzo itami  this time takes on the supermarkets ', own war  to get the consumers . and while this film has its funny side  in the crazy situations that it creates  it also shows another side  which is very much the attitude of a corporate structure that is more concerned with its profits than it is with any customer . goro has a supermarket . and a competitor comes into the neighborhood  trying to take him out of business by providing less expensive prices for everything that is sold in the supermarket . bargains galore  its name  has in mind the closure of goro ', s humbler venue  so that in the end it can mark up its prices in any way it can . goro hires hanako  a housewife whose talents seem to be better suited to management  than they are in anything else . hanako  as she gets familiar with the operation  discovers many of the tricks of the trade  done by many of the elders in charge of each section of the market . and the procedures  are not always " fresh " food  but a new packaging and a new date  to try and convince the customers that quality is on the shelves . hanako ', s ideas take hold  starting with a few of the women that work in the supermarket  being that they do not even shop there at all . and hanako discovers along the way that a few giveaways here and there make a bit of a difference . if not cause some serious problems in the running of the store . a price error  forces them to give away eggs for very low prices  and causes the store a few hassles  but  it brought the people in  and everyone knows that these customers will buy a few other things . as the operation gets stronger  the competition also has trickery up its sleeve  and it has been undermining much of the operation by paybacks to one of the store managers  as well as the meat and fish elder supervisors . eventually these people are found out  and hanako has to tread slowly and carefully  until in the end they all have a showdown . and here  the truth and honesty win out  and even one of the elders decides to stay rather than go to work for the corrupt opponent . in the process  they also find that " freshness " ( with some very funny jokes on this word as well ) becomes a much more important tool than they imagined . with some very nice performances  in this hectic  and fast paced film  this film gives us a sitting of two hours that is satisfying in many ways  although a failed love story between goro and hanako does not come off much  even though towards the end it is suggested . but this would take away from the satire and its strengths . with food gags all over the place  the film lets you have it . and what fun it is . worth seeing . ( editorial ) the director of this film  juzo itami  died shortly after the film was finished  and he left behind a legacy of comedy and satire that is rare  and uncompromising . we would wish that he had been able to make one about film making  of which he must have had a few stories to tell  but we will have to do with much of the japanese society  and its many errant ways . . . . not to say that these things do not happen anywhere else . . . . america is no less guilty of any of these subjects at all  should anyone have the guts to tackle it . . . we could learn something along the way  too . . . . worth seeing  specially  is a taxing woman and its follow up a taxing woman returns . the funeral is also good  although not as funny as the later films . tampopo is also very enjoyable . all four of these films are available in video  which means your best local site for foreign film may have them . . . ask for it .
pos i can sum up first strike in one word : awesome . never in my life have i seen an actor as insanely dedicated as jackie chan . for the simple reason that he has performed his own stunts in his every movie he ', s ever appeared in  he should be awarded greatly . the same tom and jerry formula that was used to make chan ', s rumble in the bronx and supercop so entertaining can be found here as well . however  first strike was probably the most exciting out of the three  for the simple reason that practice makes perfect . his last two movies were almost like practice and this one was great . like rumble  this film is about the mafia  the former kgb . now chan must do battle in the freezing arctic temperatures of the ukraine against a group of very large bad men . the trailer for the film sums it up quite well . first strike is action - packed  but the fight scenes are so fast and furious  they almost have a witty  italian - like humor to them . jackie chan is a regular comedian . well  he ', s no eddie murphy  but he can really crack you up . for example  he is hanging off a roof and he humorously taunts his foes to come and get him  as he claims to be the korean 007 ( that ', s secret agent james bond ) . even the plot to this film improved above the others  as a sort - of twisted nuclear - weapon smuggling deal is botched and jackie takes the blame . but never fear  as the chinese mafia aids him in uncovering the truth behind the incident . with some of the most high - flying stunts and side - splitting comedy  first strike is a sure - fire hit that ', s guaranteed to draw some major  world - wide attention . ])
pos as a devout atheist and an avowed believer in aliens  i have some idea of how ellie aroway ( jodie foster ) feels . but because my reasons for not partaking in religion are different than hers  i can ', t say that i do exactly . her reason is that she needs solid proof : there is no proof that god existed  so therefor she does not believe . ellie also believes in aliens  and has spent most of her life trying to prove they exist . how can she say she doesn ', t believe in god because of the lack of proof  and then say she believes in aliens  which are gereally less believed in than god without sounding like a hypocrite ? that ', s the catch - 22 . when aliens from the star vega fax her some plans for a device to transport someone to them ( okay  well  they didn ', t really * fax * them . . . ) ellie wants to be the one to go  but because of her atheism she is denied the position . how dumb is that ? she discovers the transmitions  then she isn ', t allowed to go . well  because of a bomb and a psychopath ( jake busey )  she * does * end up going  but not in the way that we would ', ve thought . contact is based on a novel by carl sagan  who died during the filmmaking . it is the best alien movie since close encounters of the 3rd kind  and will end up being the best film of the year . its views of science and religion will no doubt aggrivate some  but will stimulate more . i ', m glad at least one movie of the ', 90s can portray aliens in a psitive light  rather than a bunch of slimey beasts who will eat your insides and then put on your body .
pos by now i figured i ', d seen every alfred hitchcock film at least a half - dozen times -- not that i ', m complaining . to call him the " master of suspense " is an understatement . the paradine case ( 1947 )  admittedly one of hitchcock ', s lesser movies  turned out to be one i ', d missed . this one  like all hitchcock films  is well worth savoring . the story opens with the rich mrs . maddalena anna paradine being arrested in her home for poisoning her blind husband . as mrs . paradine  alida valli plays an aloof but alluring woman of the world . to franz waxman ', s stark and moody music  we see the prison guards divesting her of her luxurious garments and jewels . stripped of her fine raiment  she becomes a commoner again  which  as it turns out  was what she was before she met her husband . " a brief skirmish  and you ', ll be lunching at the savoy again  " anthony keane  her ultraconfident attorney tells her in their first meeting  predicting a fast and easy trial . gregory peck plays the successful and debonair barrister . " she ', s no murderess  " he argues simplistically  smitten by her beauty . " she ', s too fine a woman . " his attitude upsets his beautiful and increasing jealous wife  gay ( ann todd ) . unlike most hitchcock movies  which are centered on the thriller and the mystery  this one is more a romantic melodrama . typical is the scene in which gay flings her head back and shakes her hair while bathed in light . she deflects her husband ', s affections as she fears that he is beginning to fall in love with his client . the dramatic music then comes up high as the camera dwells on mrs . paradine ', s portrait nearby . in the relatively unsatisfying first half  little happens other than domestic squabbles and overtones of intense adulterous desires . to the sound of sweeping violins gay tells anthony that he must get mrs . paradine acquitted because  if mrs . paradine dies  his heart will go with her . if she is freed  he will be able to forget her . as part of the soap opera  a mysterious louis jordan plays mr . paradine ', s valet  who has had some not to be discussed relationships . charles coburn plays anthony ', s legal partner  sir simon flaquer . and charles laughton  who looks like coburn  is judge lord horfield . this being proper british society  they will all dine together at the judge ', s house not long before the case begins . court tv junkies will probably pick up the many differences  some subtle and others not  between the american and the british judicial systems . one  for example  of which i was not aware is that the barrister cannot speak to his own client during the recess if she is the process of testifying . one sometimes wonders what the academy is thinking when they make their oscar nominations . as the judge ', s wife  lady sophie horfield  ethel barrymore got a nomination for best supporting actress -- the film ', s only nomination -- for an inconsequential part with which she did little of merit . ( so the big question is when does hitchcock make his obligatory walk - on ? at 37 minutes into the film  he leaves a train station carrying a large musical instrument case . don ', t miss it . ) in the second half the story finally comes alive when it gets into the courtroom . the great master shows his hand there as the tensions build as rapidly in the second part as they lay fallow in the first . watch how the camera angles are sometimes from the back and other times from way on high to set the exact tone for the trial ', s action . as anthony explains it  the simple case has only 3 possibilities : mr . paradine poisoned himself  mrs . paradine did it  or the valet did it . the end includes many devastating revelations and some nice twists so it is too bad the first half is so languid . the paradine case runs 1 : 53 . the picture is in black and white . it is not rated but would be pg for mature themes and would be fine for kids around nine and up if they are interested .
pos it ', s wednesday  march 27  and a murder investigation is underway in charlotte  south carolina . the crime : a young prostitute  elizabeth ( renee zellweger )  has been brutally slain . one half of her severed body was found in a bag at the train station . the other half was discovered in a trunk at the harbor authority  miles away . the police duo of braxton ( chris penn ) and kennesaw ( michael rooker ) are strapped for leads . at the moment  they have only one possible suspect : wayland ( tim roth )  a wealthy  unemployed genius who graduated summa cum laude from princeton and appears to be the least likely character to commit such a heinous act . that ', s the premise for deceiver  a new thriller from the pate brothers  jonas and josh  who made their mark on the film world two years ago at sundance with the movie the grave . deceiver plays out like a mind game between the intellectually superior wayland and the two not - so - bright cops ( captions early in the proceedings let us know that wayland ', s iq is 151 ; by contrast  kennesaw ', s is 122 and braxton ', s is 102 ) . the setting is a police interrogation room where a lie detector test is about to be administered . over three days  as wayland returns to answer more questions  the drama and tension among these three characters gradually escalates until  inevitably  it boils over . other plot elements are thrown in for good measure . wayland suffers from a peculiar kind of epilepsy that can  in stressful situations  render him virtually catatonic or extremely violent . braxton  a compulsive gambler  is deep in debt to a local syndicate . and kennesaw is haunted by a dark  abusive side that delights in terrorizing women  especially his wife ( rosanna arquette )  whom he suspects of being unfaithful . the foibles and failings of these three are brought into the open as the mystery around elizabeth ', s death deepens and it becomes unclear who has the upper hand : the suspect or his questioners . deceiver  which mostly transpires in a dimly - lit room and involves a lot of smart dialogue  has the feel of a david mamet play : edgy  claustrophobic  and tense . the atmosphere is explosive  and some of pivotal moments of confrontation are riveting . deceiver has the power to grab an audience . unfortunately  in the end  it succumbs to the need to throw in one last  unexpected twist  and this is its undoing . for  while this surprise will certainly shock most viewers  it also stretches our credulity too much  and raises more questions than it answers . it ', s only an effective wrap - up if you don ', t think too carefully about its full implications . of course  the film as a whole plays fast and loose with reality and logic . police procedure is totally ignored and it ', s almost impossible to accept that any criminal investigation would or could proceed in this manner . but the real focus in deceiver is on character interaction  not plot details . deceiver only occasionally gets out of the police station  and those instances occur primarily during flashbacks featuring the prostitute . the pates employ a number of interesting techniques to present vignettes from elizabeth ', s final days and hours . the most intriguing of these is to use an unreliable narrator while underlining the discrepancies in his voice - over by visually showing what really happened . moments like this are too effective to be dismissed as gimmicks . the movie  obviously fashioned in the manner of classic film noir  drips atmosphere . there are some fascinating stylistic touches ; for example  although the setting is contemporary  all of the telephones are old - fashioned  rotary models . cinematographer bill butler is given an opportunity to use unconventional camera work to liven up deceiver ', s look . some of the things he tries ( mostly those that involve the contrast between light and shadow ) work exceptionally well  while others ( like any of several lazy susan shots ) seem more like unnecessary visual tricks . as wayland  tim roth gives the film ', s top performance  despite occasionally treading the tightrope between acting and overacting . roth makes us believe that wayland is both as brilliant and as troubled as he ', s supposed to be . the other two leads  chris penn and michael rooker  aren ', t as effective . both play their characters like familiar types . penn ', s performance is uninspired ; rooker ', s lacks subtlety . some of the best work is turned in by the supporting actors . renee zellweger  in a role that ', s miles away from her star - making turn in jerry maguire  brings a note of vulnerability and humanity to a part that could easily have become a caricature . rosanna arquette is solid as kennesaw ', s wife  and michael parks delivers several wonderful scenes as a psychiatrist who ', s entrusted with evaluating wayland ', s condition . one of the best things about deceiver is that it never talks down to the audience . plot points aren ', t hammered home  and  although the ending has its weaknesses  everything isn ', t spelled out in bold letters . the pates give audience members credit for having brains  which is an increasingly rare characteristic for film makers . occasionally gripping and never uninteresting  deceiver is a fine noir effort .
pos on april 12th  1912  the most astonishing shipwreck in the history of the world occurred . on that fateful night  the titanic sunk . now  more than 50 years later  a film has been made . and what a film that is . james cameron ', s newest movie is a landmark in storytelling  emotion  and special effects . it starts in the present  where bill paxton and his band of scientists explore the depths of the ship ', s wreckage . exploring an old chest  paxton comes across a nude drawing of a young woman . the drawing is televised and the woman ( gloria stuart ) whose portrait the painting is of comes forward and slowly but surely  the ship ', s story is told . leonardo dicaprio stars as jack dawson  a young man with a sketch book  a heart of gold  an intelligent mind  and not much else . he wins his ticket aboard titanic in a poker game  and is the perfect match for rose dewitt bukater ( kate winslett ) . she grows to love jack  but seems unable to escape the slimy clutches of her arranged fiance ',  cal hockley ( billy zane ) . the film takes its time  and by doing so  makes us care about its characters  and shows us the full aspects of human emotion . the leads shine ; there is no bad performance ; in fact  these do not seems like performances at all  but genuine people  trapped on the doomed vessel  facing certain death . watching this film  i was amazed at how vivid and real these situations feel : the time rose and jack spend together at a third - class - party ; the naivety that jack feels when he skecthes rose nude ; the terror felt by all onboard  as certain doom turns people into both cowards and heroes . this  the most expensive movie ever made  $ 200 million  is destined to make its profit back  and then some . it also has more emotion and warmth than any other film this year . . even this decade . it is also yet another first : the first $ 200 million dollar romance  and every critic in this country will agree that it was indeed  money extremely . . very . . well spent .
pos that thing you do !  from first - time film director tom hanks  is an enjoyable tale about a fictional band  the wonders  that goes from a garage band to the band with the fastest selling album in the country . but  the question arrises  will the seduction of fame and fortune corrupt the band and lead them to become just another one - hit wonder  or will they stick together and become the next teen sensations ? the " oneders "  as they are originally known  have their first gig at a very small - time contest . jimmy  the lead singer  has written a catchy song and intends to play it at the contest . but  a short time before the contest begins  the current drummer becomes injured and a replacement is needed . enter guy patterson  skilled musician who currently works at his father ', s appliance store and is looking to break free from the restricting clutches that bind him . he seems to fit in well  until the group takes the stage . when they begin to play  guy ', s beat is much too fast and the pace is way off for the intended song . it looks as though the group is doomed to failure . but  the " new " song is a hit ! this leads to another gig  and soon enough  the group has an agent . he doesn ', t do too much for them  but they do get their song played on the radio . eventually  mr . white of playtone records approaches the group  and he informs them that they want to release a record . before you can say " billboard "  the band is now renamed " the wonders " and the members are speeding their way to fame . the gigs are getting better  their fame is increasing  and they have the fastest selling album in playtone records history . the band is invited to appear in a feature film  and  they then fly out to hollywood to appear on television . after the appearance on television  things start to fall apart . two of the members of the band pretty much disappear  and things are not working out well between jimmy and guy . will the band work it out  or will they split up and go on their own separate journeys towards success ? that thing you do !  complete with a nifty original song that actually sounded authentic  is a fun and enjoyable movie that  although it doesn ', t become clear if it wants to be a comedy  drama  or romance  is a well - made look into the world of music . tom hanks ', directorial debut was a good one and should lead to more work for him .
pos synopsis : an attractive mute makeup artist  working on an ultra - cheesy slasher movie in moscow  witnesses the production of a brutal snuff film and is subsequently chased by really bad russians . meanwhile  the artist ', s sister and boyfriend clumsily try to save her . comments : mute witness came as a surprise to me the first time i watched it . drawn by the clever artwork on the video box  i rented the film expecting a complete turkey . mute witness  however  was original  offbeat  and well - made . it ', s one of those cool little finds that no one seems to know about . i ', ve subsequently found it at most video rental places i visit  and it may be seen  on occasion  on the independent film channel . the first hour of mute witness is extremely tense  as billy  the quite believable mute heroine  sees members of the russian mob brutally kill a prostitute while filming an illegal snuff film . the rest of the film takes good advantage of billy ', s vulnerable position as a mute foreigner in moscow being pursued by powerful criminal figures . to throw a curveball into the fray  billy ', s sister karen and her filmmaking beau become bizarre figures of comic relief to offset several violent sequences in what are some genuinely funny scenes . a disappointingly trite ending and occasional comic blunders are the only two things which mar this otherwise suspenseful film . look for alec guinness ( obi - wan kenobi from the first star wars trilogy ) in a small role as the evil reaper . definately check this movie out ; although  as a word of warning  it does contain several scenes of rather grisly violence which certainly aren ', t for the squeamish .
pos the grandfather of italian horror the late mario bava has credits in nearly 100 films and tv movies produced in italy between 1939 and his death in the early 80 ', s . more practiced as a cinematographer than a director  bava nonetheless sat in the director ', s chair for beyond the door ii  the project which turned out to be his last full - length feature film . alongside the appalling zombie schlock of hacks like lucio fulci  beyond the door ii is simply a revelation . in his day bava was considered by most to be no great filmmaker  yet here he fashioned one of the finest italian horror movies of the 1970 ', s . ( note that the film has no connection with the 1975 exorcist - rip off behind the door  but for some unexplained reason was given this related title for release in the usa and australia . ) this story focuses on dora  a women set upon by a malevolent spirit that channels itself through her young son marco . the film opens with dora  her son and second husband bruno returning to a house by the sea that was the scene of her first husband ', s suicide and her subsequent trauma 7 years earlier . they hope to put the past behind them  but as small accidents start to befall dora - usually while bruno is away on business - she starts to suspect that marco ( played with uncanny ability by 8 year old david colin jr . ) is somehow involved in the strange goings on . to reveal any more of the story would be unfair . suffice to say that this artfully paced study of a woman suffering a nervous breakdown offers an intriguing plot  loads of atmosphere and solid acting  though the dialogue is somewhat weakened by the dubbing into english . bava coaches a surprisingly good performance from the usually wooden daria nicolodi  wife of famed italian horror director dario argento . her character is invested with sufficient depth to allow the audience real empathy with dora ', s troubled soul . the music by italian ensemble libra is also effective  mixing odd - sounding 70 ', s rock with classic gothic piano sequences . and there is at least one moment - brilliantly engineered by bava - that is guaranteed to lift you ten feet out of your chair . yet for italian horror  the bloodletting here is surprisingly minimal . lamberto bava and francesco barbieri ', s script is more concerned with deeper  psychological terrors  with themes of guilt and suffering  with the notion that what we sow will shall - somewhere  somehow - eventually reap . scholars of the genre take note : beyond the door ii is stylish  chilling  and essential .
pos based on the relatively unknown ( in comparison to spider - man ) marvel comic book  blade tells the story of half - vampire half - human ( played by wesley snipes ) who was born of a vampire ', s latest meal . now swearing vengeance against all vampires  blade hunts them all . his latest challenge is his biggest though . . . he must stop the vampire deacon frost ( played by stephen dorff ) from summoning the blood god and turning the rest of the world into vampires . admitedly  comic books are one of the least appreciated mediums  often viewed as juvenile by most standards  even seen as illiterate by some . judging by a series of poorly recieved ( financial and critical ) comic book based films ( such as batman and robin  steel  barb wire  the crow : city of angels  and the list goes on )  one would come to the conclusion that comic books are the worst medium to translate into film . to some degree  i agree with this sentiment . having read comic books since the age of nine ( i ', m 21 right now ) i can count the number of good comic book based movies ( not including japanese manga ) one hand : 1 : the crow ( 1994 )  2 : batman ( 1989 )  3 : superman  4 : the mask  and now  # 5  blade . ( " men in black " is not on this list because it is an extreme deviation from the original comic book ) why is this ? for the most part  it is because the filmmakers understand the comic book medium and come up with an appropriate atmosphere to match . the crow and batman comics call for a dark gothic atmosphere  which the director provided . the mask features a wacky superhero with off the wall antics  which the casting and cg effects reflect . superman is not over the top with colour and flash  and the film reflects this . blade uses common notions of vampires and incorporates them into the film  creating an appropriate atmosphere . this is in stark contrast to joel schumacher ', s contrived vision in batman and robin  reflecting the dated atmosphere in the 1960 ', s television show . batman and robin proved that the director failed to realize one fundamental fact : comics have grown up  and so has the audience ( i ', m working on a scathing review of batman and robin and will post it up when i ', m ready ) . which brings me back to blade . although he may be a familiar character to some  due to his appearances in the spider - man animated show on fox  one will find no single trace of the warm - and - fuzzy vampire hunter as depicted in the cartoon . the film depicts a vicious vampire killer that uses every single means at his disposal to reach his ends . the end results are not pretty by any means . the story elements work very well -- for a comic book story . screenwriter david goyer ( who also wrote the crow ) incorporates interesting elements of vampire lore  using science to explain many of the ideas often dismissed in vampire films . this is presented through karen  a hematologist portrayed by n ', bushe wright . this leads to inventive use of standard medical treatments to kill vampires . add this to the neat little gadgets that blade uses ( including a titanium sword complete with an " anti - theft device " )  and one has an interesting premise . however  the film works best as an action film . actor wesley snipes has an extensive background in martial arts ( most of which comes from capoeira  a brazillian form incorporating flashy kicks )  choreographing every single move . proving that quick  flash cutting edits are no substitute for choreographed fight sequences ( see batman and robin for a good example of that )  wesley snipes dazzles the audience with some incredible fight scenes . regardless  this film is far from perfect . the film suffers from at least one major plot hole  regarding the summoning of the blood god . the ritual requires that a number of pure blood vampires are standing on marked squares  yet one of them is viciously murdered  allowing the ritual to pass ( and the murdered vampire is later shown standing on the square ) . obvious continuity errors also surface  especially during a scene where deacon frost takes a drag on his cigarette and is not exhaling it in the next frame ( there is no trace of smoke either ) . much of the special effects are not that spectacular either . while vampire disintegration scenes are intriguing to watch  other cgi ( computer generated imagery ) effects are almost slapped together  which is surprising when given the amount of time the film was given to be released ( the film ', s release date was pushed back multiple times ) . scenes with computer generated blood look extremely fake  knocking the believability factor down a few notches ( but then  i ', m really hard to impress ) . the film ', s r rating comes from gory violence  but the lack of realism made me wonder why it got such a rating ( for realistic violence  watch " saving private ryan " ) . the overuse of cgi in films has made me yearn for the days of director george romero and makeup wizard rob bottin  both pioneers in the art of gore without extensive use of cgi . still  scenes involving non - cgi special effects do surface ( and look much more impressive )  such as one particularly gruesome scene where a vampire tries to use blade ', s sword without deactivating the " anti - theft device " . wesley snipes is the saving grace behind what would have otherwise been a muddled mess . while not talking much  he is a grand physical presence  leaving other comic book superheroes in the dust . a decent ( by comic book film standards ) storyline also helps .
pos quentin tarantino seems to have a knack for giving his stars big careers . after his pulp fiction  many actors began receiving many offers for jobs . john travolta made his come - back and is now one of today ', s most bankable stars . bruce willis proved his acting chops and is now considered an actual actor . jackie brown  on the other hand  boasts quite a well known cast  except for the main lead : pam grier . most likely you have heard of her and seen her in films  but she ', s never really had a breakthrough performance ( her first film was in the roger ebert - written beyond the valley of the dolls ) . that is  until now . jackie brown is a highly anticipated feature film from quentin tarantino  whose last film was the huge hit pulp fiction . after mediocre acting jobs  tarantino returns to what made his name a household one : directing and writing . jackie brown is the result  and it is fantastic entertainment . despite excellent direction from tarantino  the cast steals the film  giving one good performance after another . pam grier gives a stunning performance as jackie brown  and she is supported by an incredible mix of talent -- samuel l . jackson  bridget fonda  michael keaton  robert de niro  and robert forster . more than likely  you will see a few of these names in the oscar pool come oscar nominations . describing a quentin tarantino film is very difficult  as you really can ', t say much or you spoil it for everyone else . i will tread lightly . jackie brown opens with an impressive shot of jackie brown ( grier ) in a blue outfit walking through the airport . the camera tracks along with her  and ends up revealing her occupation . we are also introduced to ordell robbie ( jackson )  who sells illegal guns to interested buyers . . . for a hefty price . ms . brown carries the money from buyer to ordell in order to keep the cops away . however  an fbi agent ( keaton ) and a local l . a . cop ( michael bowen ) are out to find ordell and catch him while taking the money . they try to reach him through beaumont livingston ( chris tucker )  one of ordell ', s buyers  but he mysteriously ends up dead . they try again through brown  but she is hesitant to admit to any wrong - doing . but after unknowingly carrying some drugs for one of ordell ', s friends ( fonda )  she is caught and sent to jail . ordell pays her bail through a bail bond agent  max cherry ( forster )  and then wants to find out what she told the cops . after she claims to have said nothing  she reveals the fact that she will tell them about ordell in order to stay out of prison . ordell doesn ', t like this  but they both come up with a scheme to throw the feds and cops off their track . this scheme seems to be going as planned  but unexpected occurances may or may not foul up their goal . revealing more would spoil the fun of jackie brown  and that ', s the biggest reason to go see a tarantino film . tarantino seems to have a fascination with hitmen and unusual predicaments ( and slang terms )  but they are always done very well and believably . his hitmen are normally cruel  but pleasant  in that nasty sort of way . they talk like normal people  except for when doing business  and they are rude to their girlfriends . of course  this is a tarantino film  and you know you can expect some awkward situations to arise . and perhaps the biggest flaw with jackie brown is the slow middle section in which the pace begins to drop . of course  tarantino fixes this by moving onto the climax of the film  adding a lot of his reservoir dogs - style storytelling to it . things are told from one person ', s perspective  and then from another  and then from another  each time learning more and more . this all leads up to a very interesting conclusion  which decides who is on whose side . on the technical side of jackie brown  quentin tarantino directs it with the same style as he did with his 1994 film . however  this time around it isn ', t as nearly as impressive or original . the writing  on the other hand  is quite good  although i do find tarantino ', s use of slang terms offensive . the story jumps back and forth in time as in pulp fiction  but it ', s much more easy to understand . his previous film needed a second viewing in order to understand the time differentiation  but jackie brown is very simply to follow  especially considering that the time is given during the " leaps " in time . perhaps this is a result of the screenplay being written from the novel " rum punch " by elmore leonard . the dialogue is pretty much intelligent  and all the characters are fully realized . the cinematography is very well done by guillermo navarro ( who has worked with tarantino on previous films ) and the editing is very good . and as with pulp fiction  the music is a highlight  bringing back memorable songs from the 70s and 80s . the acting side of jackie brown is unforgettable . the performances are incredibly rich  with hidden meaning behind every characters ', actions . nothing is quite as it seems  and you can ', t really tell which side one person is on . the real treat  of course  is pam grier who gives an astonishing performance as jackie brown . her poor living conditions are superceded by her superior wits  which play an important role in the film . watching grieg  i could tell what was going through her mind  even if i didn ', t know what she was thinking . her face portrays a lot of emotion that you can tell when she is sad  happy  or in deep thought . bridget fonda gives a very good performance as a druggie couch potato . i didn ', t even realize it was fonda until i saw her name in the final credits ( her performance actually reminded me of heather graham ', s in boogie nights ) . michael keaton comes across very well  as does michael bowen . chris tucker has a small  but effective performance . samuel l . jackson is very good  but it seems to me that he was replaying his jules winnfield character from pulp fiction ( although much less cynical ) . but no matter . . . jackson is very strong in his role . robert de niro is actually a little annoying at times  but overall he does a good job as one of ordell ', s perspective clients and friends . robert forster gives one of the best performances in the film  as he has one of the most developed characters . he is present throughout most of the film  and he holds his own against jackson and grier . jackie brown is rated r for language  sex  violence  drug use  and some offensive remarks . as a film by itself  jackie brown is a terrific piece of entertainment  with a complex plot to draw viewers in . however  one can not help but compare it to tarantino ', s pulp fiction  and expect great results . when compared  it comes up short  but not that short . it ', s a worthy effort  with terrific acting and some impressive writing from elmore leonard and tarantino . perhaps the best thing about jackie brown is the discovery of pam grier as a major hollywood actress . i can ', t remember seeing her in anything ( except for a small role in mars attacks ! )  but hopefully she will get many more roles from this one . expect to see her name floating around the oscar nominations ( and hopefully she will even be able to nab one ) .
pos the makers of jurassic park & the director of speed conjure up a storm ! ( reviewed at eng wah ', s new jubilee cineplex at ang mo kio ) " unlike earthquakes  their fury is precise . unlike hurricanes  their reach is unlimited . unlike fires  there is no way to combat them . unlike floods  their terror is sudden . " - excerpt from twister production notes i ', m sure many of us living in this part of the world have never seen tornadoes ( or twisters ) before . i for one  have only seen the devastating effects and footage of tornadoes from news reports on tv and personally  i feel tornado - caused destruction comes no where near the destruction caused by hurricanes and earthquakes . . . . . . . . that is until i saw twister . the destruction caused by twisters may be precise ( not widespread but it moves very fast and its path of destruction is unpredictable . it will suck in cars  houses  livestock  etc . . . . . basically anything in its path that is not firmly rooted to the ground and in twister  you ', ll get to see all this - close up ! twister tells a tale about a group of storm chasers . these people are basically out - of - their - mind and for the sake of obtaining data on twister - occurrences  they risk their lives by literally chasing tornadoes  trying to get as close as they can . . . . . that is if the tornado does not suddenly decide to change its path towards them ! jo ( helen hunt ) is the leader of this pack of kamikazes . while they are gearing up for the mother - of - all - storms as predicted by satellite recon  bill ( bill paxton )  a former co - leader of the team returns to settle some divorce papers with jo . apparently  bill has left his rogue - ish days for greener and more practical pastures - as a television weatherman . he catches up with his old - self and follows the pack like the good ole days  bringing his wife - to - be melissa ( jamie gertz ) along  a city - bred woman toting around with a handphone . jo has finally implemented bills initial idea of a device called dorothy which measurement ', s of a twister may lead to a better understanding on how tornadoes are formed so that a more reliable early - warning system can be implemented . the problem is  the device has to be placed very near the twister  and in its path ( which is practically unpredictable ) of destruction in order for it to function . to add to their current challenge  there is another group of storm chasers that is corporation - funded led by jonas ( cary elwes ) and they too have a similar device . thus begins the race ; jo ', s cheap government equipment with beaten - up vehicles against jonas ', s high - tech computers and satellite link - ups with their sleek  black all - terrain vans . plot wise  there are not really anything to shout about . twister is as predictable as any summer box - office hit can get . there is the danger of the twister  the competition with jonas ^ os more well - off team and of course  the settling of differences between jo and bill ( this part gives the film its human substance ) . helen hunt  bill paxton and the rest of the actors / actresses give only average performances and all of them take back seat to the main thespian in this movie - the twister itself ! thanks to the impressive digital effects by ilm ( lucasfilm ', s industrial light and magic )  we get to see the terror and destruction caused by tornadoes up close ; from stripping barns and houses to lifting up livestock ! jan de bont once again proves his visual abiility ( thanks to his years of experience as a director of photography for action films ) for action sequences . like his previous film speed  the tornado sequences ( which are essentially the action sequences ) are well visualised and edited . audiences will be holding tight to their chairs everytime a tornado comes on screen ! the surround sound effects sure does help a lot in stressing the terror of a twister ! ( the cinema must at the very least support digital sound to fully appreciate this ) twister is definitely an effect - dependent movie . now that id4 fever has begun to reside  and people are getting bored of watching will smith whoop et ', s ass for the umpteenth time . . . . . . twister is your sure bet of 7 bucks well spent ! watch it in a good theatre . . . please . the flying inkpot ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
pos there are times when the success of a particular film depends entirely on one actor ', s effort . often a single performance can turn what might have been a rather mediocre movie into something worthwhile . when one of these comes along  i usually try to think about how many other people put work into the movie  that there is no way one person could possible carry the entire project on his shoulders . but sometimes there is simply no other explanation  and such is the case with " the hurricane . " this biopic about falsely convicted boxer rubin " hurricane " carter would normally be called " norman jewison ', s ', the hurricane  ', " as per the tradition of referring to a film " belonging " to a director . but though he does decent work  jewison cannot claim ownership of " the hurricane  " because there is one reason this film works at all  and his name is denzel washington . washington plays carter  a boxer who in 1967 was convicted of a late - night shooting in a bar . jailed for 20 years  he maintained that he had never committed the crimes  but remained in jail after a second trial and countless appeals . the situation changed when a group of canadians moved to washington and worked on freeing carter . through the efforts of that group and carter ', s lawyers  he was eventually freed when their case was heard in federal court and the judge ruled that rubin carter had been unfairly convicted . the film details carter ', s childhood  which had him in and out of jail because of the efforts of a racist cop ( dan hedaya ) . when he finally got out of prison for good  carter became a rising star as a middleweight pro boxer  seemingly having his career on track  until the police framed him for multiple homicide . despite the efforts of political activists and celebrities  he remained imprisoned . flash forward to 1983  when lesra ( vicellous reon shannon ) a young african - american boy  living with a group of canadian tutors  reads the book carter wrote while in prison . the book  entitled " the sixteenth round  " opens young lesra ', s eyes to the injustice that was carter ', s life  and he vows to help free the incarcerated boxer . lesra convinces his canadian friends ( deborah unger  liev schreiber  john hannah ) to work with him towards his goal . " the hurricane " leans on denzel washington . he must carry virtually every scene by sheer force of will  and he does so brilliantly . it ', s probably accurate to say that washington does not embody rubin carter  because he plays a character far stronger and nobler than any real person could hope to be . it would perhaps be more accurate to say that washington embodies the character of rubin carter -- a fictional personality invented solely for the film . the actor ', s work is masterful ; washington throws himself into every moment  refusing to keep the audience at arm ', s length . we feel everything he feels : the humiliation of having to return to prison after fighting so hard to make something of his life  the pain of having to order his wife to give up the fight  and the utter despair he feels when coming to the conclusion that all hope is lost . washington ', s is a performance of weight and emotional depth . he doesn ', t merely play angry  happy  or sad ; he feels it at the deepest level . his work is masterful  and for half of this film i realized that the scene i was watching would not have been nearly as affecting as it was if it had been in the hands of another actor . norman jewison directs the film  doing a reasonably good job of pacing and shot selection . " the hurricane " moves quickly  with no scene drawn out much further than necessary and the narrative galloping along nicely . jewison handles his multiple flashbacks well ; the audience is always aware of just what the time and place of each scene is  and nothing is terribly confusing . his boxing scenes  constructed with clear inspiration from " raging bull  " get inside the action very well  and they are believable as real sports footage . jewison puts together a particularly nice scene by utilizing a pretty cool trick : carter is sent to solitary confinement for 90 days when he refuses to wear a prison uniform  and jewison  assisted by some wonderful acting from a game washington  shows how carter gradually starts to lose his mind during the constant solitude  and eventually we get three rubin carters arguing with each other in one cell . jewison ', s best achievement in " the hurricane " is succeeding at showing how carter becomes an embittered man during his hard - knock life  and how he is able to break out of that bitterness and learn to trust people again . sadly  though  the film ', s chief failures lie with the screenplay  as with most of the good - but - not - great efforts to round the pike this winter . there is much to interest a viewer in " the hurricane  " but it seems that every time the film gets a chance to take the most clich ? d route possible  it does . take a look at the supporting characters  for example  who are drawn up as either entirely good or entirely evil . carter and lesra ( played nicely by shannon  who deserves credit ) are the only real people here ; everyone else is a stereotype . the canadians are good . the cops are bad . the canadians spend most of their time dolefully grinning at each other in their lovey - dovey commune ( and it is a commune  despite the film ', s failure to make that clear )  while every racist cop ( especially dan hedaya ', s ) melts in out of the shadows and glowers at every black person that enters the room . much of the dialogue comes off as rather hokey ( " hate put me in prison . love ', s gonna bust me out . " )  and the big courtroom climax during which everyone gets to make an impassioned speech could have been lifted from a made - for - tv lifetime special . it ', s too bad . the cast is game  the director does his job  and the subject matter is interesting  but the script takes the safer  slightly more boring route far too often . i wanted a real reason for the cop to hold a grudge against carter other than " he ', s a racist pig . " i wanted more evidence that these canadians are real people with faults and virtues instead of a bunch of saintly crusaders looking for justice . in short  i wanted to see the film through a less distorted lens . criticism has been levied against the liberties " the hurricane " takes with the truth of what really happened to carter  and much of it is deserved . for example  the film gives us a boxing scene showing carter pummeling defending champ joey giardello  only to be screwed by the judges  who ruled giardello the winner . most accounts of the fight  however  have carter losing fairly . furthermore  much of carter ', s criminal past is conveniently left out of the film  and just why he was convicted again in his second trial is never really explained . of course  " the hurricane " works mainly as a fable  so digressions from the truth can be excused at least partially  but even dismissing such issues don ', t remove one fact : " the hurricane " is a highly flawed film . only one actor could have made a schmaltzy  predictable picture like this work as well as it does  and it ', s a good thing " the hurricane " has that actor . carter has been quoted as saying  " denzel washington is making me look good  " but he ', s not the only one . washington makes this film look good . denzel washington ', s " the hurricane . " sounds pretty good to me .
pos contact is a nobly intentioned but ultimately unsatisfying adaptation of carl sagan ', s only novel . it details the circumstances surrounding the first clear sign of intelligent life in outer space and their effects on the life of a young and idealistic radio astronomer named ellie arroway ( jodie foster ) . we first meet ellie at a giant radio telescope in puerto rico  where she is part of the seti ( search for extraterrestrial intelligence ) project . her research is quickly killed  however  by her highly political david drumlin ( tom skerrit )  who disdains " pure research " in favor of science with " commercial applications . she goes in search of private funding and is turned down at every step until she pitches her project to a corporation run by the mysterious s . r . hadden ( john hurt ) . then  with that money just about to finally dry up  ellie is sitting out in the desert near the very large array in new mexico when she hears over her headphones a very powerful pulsing radio signal . in the movie ', s most exciting and believable sequence  ellie and her coworkers determine that the signal has to be coming from the star vega . at first the signal appears to be just sequences of prime numbers  then it turns out to be a tv signal of the berlin olympics bounced back to earth from 50 years before . further decoding  with hadden ', s help  reveals another layer to message  containing detailed plans for a massive and complex machine . it appears that the machine is a transport that will allow one person to travel to the aliens ', home world . of course  the big question becomes " who gets to ride it ? " ( right after " who ', s gonna pay for this thing ? " ) . to boil it down  ellie gets denied the seat in the machine because she bluntly acknowledges her atheism  while drumlin gets to go because he rather insincerely professes his deep religious faith . drumlin is killed and the machine destroyed when religious fanatics bomb the launch platform ( apparently to keep " godless science " from talking to god  or something like that ) . then hadden reappears with startling news . he has secretly constructed a second machine off the coast of japan and has reserved the ride for ellie  in whom he has taken a rather paternal interest . ellie boards the machine and is transported through some kind of wormhole to a dream - like place that looks a lot like waikiki beach before they built the hotels  where she meets the aliens who take the form of her late father ( david morse ) . when she returns home  no one believes her . she was not even gone for one second  they say  even though she remembers being gone for 18 hours . her story is officially discredited  although believed by a large segment of the public ( who don ', t even have to know that her computer records of the trip contain nothing but static . . . eighteen hours worth of static ) . there is a lot to like about contact so i will highlight those points first . ellie arroway is a well - rounded character portrayed by one of the best actresses currently working . neither the character nor the performance has the same depth as clarice starling in silence of the lambs  but that ', s a tough standard to meet . ellie is interesting in that she is woman defined by a strange array of father figures . her real father is an idealized movie dad who does nothing in the film but love his daughter unconditionally . drumlin comes across as a distant stepfather to whom ellie is like an irritating teenager who wants to use his toys to get into trouble . hadden obviously has affection for ellie  but in the end he seems to see her as his creation  nothing more than his favorite piece on the chess board . even palmer joss ( matthew mcconaughey )  ellie ', s love interest  takes a paternalistic interest in ellie  seeing her as a misguided person who needs protection from her own impulses . the film is technically impressive  especially in the scenes where the message is first received and during the destruction of the first machine . the part of the film dealing with the message has the best presentation of real science in a film since the andromeda strain . the film falls apart when dealing with its central theme  the dichotomy between science and religion . this is a very real debate but contact boils it down to a simplistic level that never really touches on the actual issues involved . the film presents science pretty well ( until the end ) so the real problem stems from it presentation of religious faith . religious people are presented as shallow caricatures . rob lowe plays a ralph reed clone named richard rank ( very subtle  guys )  the voice of the religious right . another religious figure is the fanatic who blows up the first machine ( jake busey ) . the only really fleshed - out religious person  palmer joss  is supposed to be a minister of some sort  but his actual faith is left pretty vague . i can ', t even say for certain that he was supposed to be a christian . all we know is that he dropped out of the seminary and obviously has no qualms about pre - marital sex . the film drops the science ball at the very end  when ellie appears to assert that there are some things even scientists must take on faith . in a day and age when the theory of evolution is denounced by the religion right as an atheist " religious " doctrine  this is exactly the wrong message to send . in a movie dealing with issues of science and faith  the last thing you want your scientist character to do is abandon the principle of scientific skepticism . what ellie should have said was  " you shouldn ', t believe me . not without evidence  and i don ', t have the evidence . i know what happened but you shouldn ', t take my word alone . " that is the voice of science speaking . the character of david drumlin is another problem with this film . his attitudes toward pure research project seem out of place for a person in his position . also  his profession of " faith " before the selection committee is so nakedly and transparently insincere that only a pack of idiots should have fallen for it . the last big problem is with the use of real personalities in various roles . the media figures  such as bernard shaw and jay leno aren ', t so bad  in as much as their participation was voluntary . the use of bill clinton  however  should give anyone pause . first of all  lifting the image of a sitting head of state and inserting him into a fictional story line  thus using his words outside of the context in which they were spoken  is just plain creepy . also  using the real president places this film between 1993 and 2001  forever dating it . people watching this film in the future will say  " hey  this never took place during clinton ', s term . " this bit of unreality will jar people out of their suspension of disbelief . also  the level of technology portrayed in the film is too advanced to take place before the first decade of the next century . better to have had a fictitious president played by an actor or no president at all . the film does raise an interesting question  although it never develops it in a satisfying way . if we were picking an emissary to send to an alien culture  would an atheist be automatically disqualified just because ninety percent of the population of the world professes a belief in god  or at least some form of supernatural creator ? personally  i would hope not  since religion is basically an opinion  a form of ideology . i would not want any form of ideological test for such an import task .
pos david cronenberg presents us with another strange tale crawling out of his impressively twisted head . it is one of many science fiction films  released during the last year of this millenium  that tackles issues that will play an important role in our future . the story unfolds in a near future  where the line between reality and virtual reality blurs . the world of the future is an unfriendly place  where the scared inhabitants are " hiding " in virtual reality fantasy games to escape the uncertainty of the real world . allegra geller ( jennifer jason leigh )  the leading game designer in the world  is testing her new virtual reality game  existenz with a focus group . as they begin  she is attacked by a fanatic assassin employing a bizarre organic gun . she flees with a young marketing trainee  ted pikul ( jude law )  who is suddenly assigned as her bodyguard . unfortunately  her pod  an organic gaming device that contains the only copy of the existenz game program  is damaged . to inspect it  she talks ted into accepting a gameport in his own body so he can play the game with her . the events leading up to this  and the resulting game lead the pair on a strange adventure in a world where individuality doesn ', t exist  as the " players " are forced to perform as characters in an unknown plot . here the reality and their actions are impossible to determine from either their own or the game ', s perspective . i don ', t intend to reveal more of the film ', s premise  which is structured as a computer game  with " tasks " that the characters must complete to win the game . released after " the matrix " and " dark city "  " existenz " has some similarities and parallels that connect it to these films . however  " existenz " is moving in a different direction  with a premise of its own . a combination of dazzling special effects  brilliantly coordinated action sequences and an intelligent and sophisticated plot  made " the matrix " a rare and entertaining science fiction experience  with some dark and frightening ideas hidden under its sparkling facade . " existenz " has a completely different atmosphere  resembling " dark city "  which is darker  more serious and less entertaining . " existenz " has the opportunities and potential  but the enormous possibilities are never quite explored . after the engaging beginning  it starts to falter . while i was watching the film  many left the theatre during the first hour . and indeed  " existenz " seemed as a complete failure : the actors seemed unreal  the plot and dialogue silly  unfinished relationships and unexplained events followed one after another . but the last fifteen minutes lifted the film on a complete different level  explaining all past events  the silly dialogue and the unreal performances within a few scenes . and jet the film fails on several issues . probably the best written character in the story is a game designer  who would rather spend the rest of her life in a virtual world  than face real life . this is a great possibility to create a magnificent character  and jennifer jason leigh stretches cronenberg ', s script to the limits  but fails because the advantages of virtual reality in comparison to the real world are never shown . existenz is not a world of which you might dream about in your fantasies . it is not a world worth sacrificing your life for . it ', s a cold  dark place where the " players " are forced to interrelate with unreal characters  eat mutated creatures and even murder against their own will . it doesn ', t look like a place worth even thinking about . david cronenberg has been the creator of " the fly "  " videodrome " and " the dead zone "  so it ', s not so hard to guess that " existenz " is a violent and gory film . besides the regular murders of innocent people  the audiences can enjoy an autopsy of a two - headed mutated amfibium . scenes like that have become a trademark for cronenberg and it seems that he can ', t make a film without flowing blood and foul creatures . the way i see it  this is the film ', s crucial failure . it is impossible for cronenbergto create a beautiful world where time  space and problems of our everyday life do not exist ; a place of blooming blossoms  green forests and clear waters ; a place really worth sacrificing your life for . because of its lack of three dimensionality  the film looses most of its possibilities  but stays afloat because of some interesting scenes  amusing performances ( especially by willem dafoe ) and one interesting and important thought  depicted in many different ways throughout the movie . during the film  the audience is as confused as the characters : detached from their everyday existence and no longer able to see the difference between the real world and the alternative reality that they have created . " the matrix "  despite of its many dark and disturbing thoughts  ends with a light at the end of the tunnel . " existenz " does not . it is a one time experience  ending in blood  gore and madness - a rather frightening forecast for tomorrow .
pos " seven " is one of the best mystery movies i ', ve ever seen . it ', s extremely intriguing and suspenseful  but it ', s also quite fun . it ', s a serial killer mystery  but you don ', t care so much about making the killer pay as much as hope they just catch the killer . the story is a cops - on - the - trail - of - serial - killer mystery . someone is murdering people who are offenders of " the seven deadly sins . " a fat man ( gluttony ) was forced to eat himself to death  a lawyer ( greed ) is slaughtered by his own rich possessions . . . i could go on but revealing any more would give away entirely too much . what makes this film so unique is the characterization of the " good guys " which makes the unseen villain seem so vile . brad pitt stars is quite excellent as detective david mills  the cocky rookie . however  morgan freeman is even better as detective william sommerset  the wise veteran on the verge of retirement ( and he doesn ', t get killed by the end ) . there is a great sense of camaraderie here which often provides for a breath of comic relief . this is impressive because the mood is so tense  and the fact that it can be down - played as well as it is here ( let alone at all ) is quite an accomplishment . the setting takes place in present day new york city but the art direction is able to give the city a feeling of the evil  scary place many believe it to be . the production design is superb  in the spirit of " batman " and " the crow  " this film embodies the gothic mood . the way the words fade in and out  along with the freaky nine inch nails music really add a lot to the story on a subconscious level - even the credits are scary ! the killer ', s victims have no connections at all  and thus mills and sommerset don ', t have much to go on to solve the case . they can only wait for the next murder to occur which makes for tremendous suspense . we become just as tense and worried as the detectives because of this thick atmosphere of the unknown . not that many films have such an interesting and intriguing screenplay as this . the only problem i had with the film is the way in which mills and sommerset are lead to a suspect . let ', s just say it seems a little too " mystery movie  " or too convenient in other words . when they are led to a suspect by the name of john doe  a terrific chase scene ensues . this is a typical thrilling element  but it works perfectly here because of the process of the story . if anything  this film is the epitome of twist endings . i don ', t have to tell you mills and sommerset finally catch the criminal  but the way in which this happens is surprising . there is a scene of intriguing philosophy between the killer and the detectives  and even though he ', s obviously insane  his charisma makes for some good points . what ', s even more surprising is the last few scenes themselves as the suspense comes to a terrific climax as the film ', s resolution comes down to a question of what justice really is . " seven " is not just a film about crime  but about the evil within man . john doe felt he was doing society a favor by ridding it of " scum . " but as justified as he makes himself seem  we must never be tempted by such twisted ideals of justice .
pos after hearing reviews for woody allen ', s upteenth movie in history  " celebrity  " range from terribly boring to just so - so  my heart lept when the opening images of the film closely resembled that of " manhattan  " my personal favorite from my personal favorite director of all time . woody allen ', s films almost never rely on visual flair over textual flair  so when one of his films closely resembles the one time that these two entities fit hand - in - hand ( " manhattan " really is one of the best - looking films i ', ve ever seen  beautiful black and white photography of the city ', s best areas  etc . )  a fan can ', t help but feel visibly moved . the film opens up  with the usual credits with plain white font over black backgrounds  and an old ironic standard playing on the soundtrack  but then the screen fills with a gorgeous dull gray sky  with the word " help " being spelled with an airplane . beethoven ', s 5th blasts on the soundtrack . the city seems to stop to take notice of this moment  and it ', s all rather lovely to look at . and then we cut to a film crew  shooting this as the film ', s hilariously banal key moment in the film  where the lead actress in the film ( melanie griffith  looking as buxom and beautiful as ever ) has to realize something ', s wrong with her life or whatever . it ', s a terribly stale scene for a woody allen film  with the great opening shots or without  and my heart sank and i soon got used to the fact that once again  a new film of his was not going to be as great as his past works ( though  for the record  last year ', s " deconstructing harry " came awfully close ) . what the hell has happened to him ? the man who once could be relied on for neurotic freshness in cinema has not become less funny  but his films have become less insightful and more like he tossed them together out of unfinished ideas . " bullets over broadway  " though wonderful  relies on irony to pull a farce that just never totally takes off . " mighty aphrodite " is more full of great moments and lines than a really great story . " everyone says i love you " was more of a great idea than a great film . even " deconstructing harry " is admittingly cheap in a way  even if it does top as one of his most truly hilarious films . if anything  the reception of " celebrity " by everyone should tip allen off to the fact that this time  it ', s not the audience and critics who are wrong about how wonderful his film is : it ', s him . " celebrity " is  yes  a good film  but it ', s only marginally satisfying as a woody allen film . instead of creating the great woody allen world  he ', s created a world out of a subject he knows only a bit about . and he ', s fashioned a film that is based almost entirely on his uninformed philosophy of celebrities  so that it plays like a series of skits with minor connections . it ', s like " la dolce vita " without the accuracy  the right amount of wit  and the correct personal crisis . woody  becoming more insecure in his old age  choses to drop the woody allen character in on the world of celebrities  and then hang him and all his flaws up for scrutiny  and does this by casting not himself but brit actor kenneth branagh in the lead . much has been said about his performance - dead on but irritating  makes one yearn for the real thing  blah blah blah - but to anyone who actually knows the woody allen character knows that branagh ', s performance  though featuring some of the same mannerisms ( stuttering  whining  lots o ', hand gestures )  is hardly a warts - and - all impersonation . branagh brings along with him little of the woody allen charm  which actually allows for his character ', s flaws to be more apparent . woody ', s a flawed guy  and we know it  but we love him anyway  because he ', s really funny and really witty and really intelligent . branagh ', s allen is a bit more flat - out bad  but with the same charm so that  yes  we like him  but we ', re still not sure if he ', s really a good person or not . his character  lee simon  is first seen on the set of the aforementioned movie  hits on extra actress winona ryder  then goes off to interview griffith  who takes him to her childhood home where he makes a pass at her  and she denies him . . . sorta . we then learn  through flashbacks  that lee has been sucked into trying to be a celebrity thanks to a mid - life crisis and an appearance at his high school reunion . he has since quit his job as a travel journalist and become a gossip journalist of sorts  covering movie sets and places where celebrities congregate  so that he can meet them  and maybe sell his script ( a bank robbery movie " but with a deep personal crisis " ) . as such  he has divorced his wife of several years ( allen regular judy davis )  and continues on a quest for sexual happiness  boucing from girlfriend to girlfriend and fling to fling over the course of the film . after griffith comes his escapades with a model ( charlize theron ) who is " polymorphously perverse " ( glad to see allen is using new jokes  ha ha )  who takes him for a wild ride not different from that of the anita ekberg segment of " la dolce vita . " following are his safe relationship with smart working woman famke janssen  a relationship that almost assures him success  and his continued escapades with ryder  whom he fancies most of all . his story is juxtaposed with that of davis  who flips out  but stumbles onto happiness when she runs into a handsome  friendly tv exec ( joe mantegna ) who lands her a job that furthers her career to national status . while lee is fumbling about  selfishly trying to ensure his own happiness  davis becomes happy ( " i ', ve become the kind of woman i ', ve always hated . . . and i ', m loving it . " ) without doing a thing . the result is a film of highs and mediums . the mediums are what take up most of the film  with sitations and scenes which don ', t exactly work but you can ', t help but pat allen on the back for trying . but other places are really great scenes . the opening . the sequence with theron  which is so good that i wished it hadn ', t ended . a banana scene with bebe neuwirth ( droll as ever ) . and  perhaps the best sequence : a romp with hot - as - hell teen idol  brandon darrow  played by none other than leo dicaprio  who is so un - dicaprio - esque that if any of this fans could sit through this film  they ', d never look at him the same way . he ignites the screen with intensity  and spares nothing in showing his character as narcissistically tyrannical  and totally heartbreaking for lee  who comes to him to talk about his script that he has read  and finds himself on a wild all - day ride with him . they go to atlantic city to watch a fight  they gamble  and they wind up in his hotel room  where darrow gets it on with his flame ( gretchen mol ) and he lends him one of the leftover groupies . allen ', s writing in these scenes are so good that just for them  i ', d almost recommend the film . almost . but what i really liked about this film is despite the fact that it ', s a mess  despite the fact that what this film really needs is a good old fashioned rewrite by allen himself  it ', s still a smart and insightful film . though some of the jokes are either stale or misplaced ( some seem too cartoonish  even for this environment )  allen still manages to get across that this film is not exactly about celebrities  as it may seem to be ( if it were  it ', d be extremely out - of - touch )  but about those who want to be celebrities  and how they equate celebrity - hood with happiness . we never get close enough to the actual celebrities to see if they ', re really happy ( they may appear to be on the surface . . . )  but we do get close enough to lee and davis ', character . lee is obsessed with the phenomenon  while davis takes is at arm ', s length  and never gets too involved in what it is  and soon becomes one herself . besides  it ', s witty  and it does have the one thing that no other film has but allen ', s : that great woody allen feel . it may be not exactly fresh and lively or totally brilliant in its depiction of its subject  and yes  as a part of woody allen ', s oeuvre  it ', s merely a blip ( no " annie hall " but it ', s no " shadows and fog " either )  but it goes to prove that no one can make a film like him  and only he and maybe godard could possibly take a totally horrible metaphor  like the one in the beginning  and make it work not once but twice .
pos an astonishingly difficult movie to watch  the last temptation of = christ may be scorsese ', s most important film  and yet his most = impossibly abstract as well . scorsese presents the life of jesus = christ  through nikos kazantzakis ', novel  which details the life of = christ from approximately 20 until the day of crucifixtion . jesus of = nazareth ( dafoe ) is a carpenter  who opens the film making crosses  so = that he can escape the fate he is subjected to  his destiny on earth . = yet  he soon learns his evil ways for aiding in the deaths of others  = and subjects himself to a desert in exile  in hopes that he can reach = god . before leaving  he asks for forgiveness from mary magdelene = ( barbara hershey )  a prostitute who is also a childhood friend of jesus . = = 20 after going to the desert  christ learns his true purpose in life  = and what he must do . aided by judas ( keitel )  he sets off on teaching = the world his message . along the way  he meets john the baptist  the = rest of the prophets  and tries to teach the world his message . christ = is also confronted by internal demons and self - doubt  as he tries to = find his true purpose throughout the entire film . during the story  = judas is the closese ally of jesus : his betrayal  argues the film  was = not out of hate  but out of love  in order to allow christ to die . = 20 he is eventually captured  and crucified as per the bibile . = however  as he is about to die on the cross  he is saved by a girl  who = brings him to his marriage with mary magdelene . the girl is a guardian = angel who is from god  and who has saved him from his death . jesus goes = on to live a life as a man  as a carpenter  and does not die on the = cross . on his deathbed  in the final moments of his life  he is visited = by the prophets  and by judas  who denounces his master for " not keeping = his end of the bargain . " judas reveals the angel to truly be the devil  = and the life jesus had lived to be the ultimate selfish act . jesus = escapes from his deathbed  and asks his father for forgiveness  for = succumbing to his last temptation . visually and aurally  the film is absolutely breathtaking . no other = director has even come close to realizing jerusalem during the time of = christ ', s life to the screen . peter gabriel contributes a score than is = simply astonishing  with pulsing rhythms that capture the viewer . the = performances are simply exquisite  with dafoe leading the way with a = mesmerizing turn as jesus . keitel  although his accent is a problem  is = passionately brilliant  fighting through language to bring the character = to life . the visuals are also amazing . scorsese frames his movie in a = harsh tone  leaving the impression that jesus truly is a man who is = having human frailties . the film  though  has many trouble spots . paul schrader ', s script is = one . schrader uses modern - day new york english to tell the story  along = with new york words  new york mannerisms  and new york slang speech . = the film also does not focus on the godly aspects of christ . there is = no underlying message behind the man ', s words . the film fails to capture = the glory and splendor of christ . had it faithfully explored that = aspect  than the dichotomy of jesus ', soul  his frailties and doubt mixed = with his unmistakable glory  would have been simply spectacular . the = message of christ is confused between love and violence  and the film = merely tells us jesus is great  instead of showing us his greatness . the film is also overlong . it just drags in the middle  with = nothing truly happening . christ is a confused figure  in the sense that = the audience doesn ', t know who he really is . schrader forgets to give = jesus a message  to show that he truly is the messiah  to give him the = divinity . without that  he is a rambling prophet  who the audience = themselves do not believe . there are several moments of accidental = hilarity  and most of them occur when jesus is attempting to preach . = there are moments of brief awe and power  followed by moments of = confused hilarity . that said  the controversial temptation sequence is something to = behold . it is a step in an unexpected direction  one that leaves the = audience puzzled  until the arrival of the disciples . it is a simply = breathtaking scene  with jesus about to die as a mortal . it is truly = one of scorsese ', s finest moments . it is unfortunate that scorsese = couldn ', t make a film about christ as powerful as that one scene . = 20
pos call me crazy  but i don ', t see saving private ryan as the film of the summer . a good movie  yes  with chillingly realistic battle scenes and emotion to spare . an utterly riviting movie on par with steven spielberg ', s best work  no . personally  if i was spielberg  i wouldn ', t go back to the world war ii era one more time after schindler ', s list and the indiana jones movies . i ', m guessing steve has a thing for nazis ; i really wouldn ', t be surprised if a velociraptor ate one of the swastika - wearing dudes in the next jurassic park movie . all lofty pretenses aside  saving private ryan is the goriest movie this side of a 1980s slasher flick . the difference is  it ', s easy during friday the 13th to laugh off a spear sticking out of kevin bacon ', s chest while blood spurts like crazy  but it ', s damn hard to sit and eat reese ', s pieces while soldiers suffer machine gun bullets to the head and have their intestines spilled out onto the battlefield . and believe me  there ', s plenty of it . a 30 - minute sequence at the beginning of the movie has an army captain ( tom hanks ) and his soldiers landing at omaha beach to join countless other americans who are already under fire . lives are lost in seconds as the purposefully confusing and jarring scene goes on and on  and all the young men in the audience find themselves never  ever wanting to be drafted . cut to some bureaucratic defense office  where a hundred women pound out sympathy form letters to the families of the casualties . one woman happens upon an interesting detail -- three brothers in different platoons were killed in combat  and their mother is getting the telegram today . i guess it ', s an interesting conversation piece to everyone but the mother  so the army chief ( harve presnell ) sends hanks on what is essentially a public relations mission  to find the fourth ryan brother and send him home . that way  the army saves the postage on yet another telegram to mrs . ryan . one good thing about saving private ryan is that the soldiers who are headed to rescue ryan know it ', s a mission designed to make the army look good . they question the worth of risking eight soldiers ', lives to save one  and hanks ', character admits he doesn ', t give a damn about ryan ; he ', s just following orders . if this was a john wayne movie  things would be different . there ', d be a phony  " let ', s go get that boy  gosh darn it ! " attitude that would sugarcoat the reality of war . by doing things this way  spielberg admits the instincts of self - preservation and complacency that every normal person has . it makes saving private ryan a lot more powerful than an testosterone - driven stallone movie mission . the movie ', s pattern is to have long battle scenes followed by quiet scenes of semi - introspective conversation among the soldiers . hanks is painted first as a nails - tough army man careful to hide his true self from the other men . it ', s not that way for long . edward burns  the guy you get for your movie when ben affleck isn ', t available  is the impulsive one . jeremy davies plays the translator who is seeing combat for the first time  and so on . none of the characters are fascinating or natural born heroes  but was spielberg ', s obvious intention . i wondered when i heard saving private ryan was three hours long  how were they going to fill three hours ', time searching for one person and still make it interesting ? there are a few false starts ; hanks finds one private ryan in ted danson ', s company ( apparently  danson joined the army after " ink " was canceled . ) and breaks the bad news before learning it ', s the wrong ryan . and of course the movie ', s far from over when hanks does locate ryan ( matt damon  the other guy you get when affleck isn ', t available ) . that ', s when the movie turns into more of a conventional war flick  although body parts and limbs still fly like never before . saving private ryan is worth your time  but it ', s definitely no schindler ', s list . the battle scenes are intense and realistic  but some of the attempts at sincere emotion aren ', t . the movie ', s bookends are particularly cheesy and out of place  when an old private ryan goes to the cemetary with his family and bawls his eyes out  whining  " tell me i ', ve led a good life . tell me i ', m a good man . " spielberg was apparently following the james cameron line of thought that any three - hour movie about the past should be framed by a self - contained prologue and epilogue that takes place in the present . much more effective are subtler scenes  like the one where several of hanks ', men are rifling thrugh a bag of dogtags from dead soldiers  and they make light of what they ', re doing by pretending they ', re playing poker . this while an airborne division marches by  their eyes full of that mound of dogtags . by not explicitly pointing out that it symbolizes the random poker game that life and death can be in war  the audience gets the message . and even if it ', s not a classic  saving private ryan is definitely one of the better war movies out there .
pos seen august 8  1998 at 6 p . m . at rotterdam square cinemas ( rotterdam  ny )  theater # 6  by myself for free using my sony / loews critic ', s pass . [ theater rating : * * * : good seats  sound  and picture ] war is a topic that can ', t help but be glorified any way it is portrayed by the media . movies  documentaries  and even history books have a way of making the darker side of humanity exciting since the most general aspects are focused on  such as strategy  politics  and victory . it ', s easy to forget war  in its most basic form  is a battle of armies out to slaughter each other . forgotten more easily is the fact that each soldier  no matter what his rank or importance  is a real flesh - and - blood person and not just a number . " saving private ryan " is one of the few films that dares play up this aspect  especially in its unapologetic  realistic delivery . it proves there ', s a huge difference between battling and killing . the film opens with one of the most graphic  disturbing scenes in recent memory . it ', s world war ii  d - day to be exact  and the u . s . military is invading omaha beach where the nazis are more than ready for them . spielberg uses many techniques to create for a total sense of reality . instead of positioned cameras  the footage here seems to have been shot by camera operators running alongside soldiers as if they were just as scared . there is no sense of stability  but of constant  anxious  and confusing motion  giving us the feeling of being in the middle of the battle  and just a vulnerable as the poor troops . " poor " is a proper word to describe how pathetic and yet innocent the men fighting are . there is little to no dialogue throughout the loud battle and no prologue to define any characters . we don ', t get the feeling these are handsome actors playing heroic roles  but that these are men about to kill and be killed for reasons beyond their understanding . the nazis are not portrayed as enemies to be hated  but as people that must be destroyed because they ', re there . in the movies  the good guys can run through a firestorm of bullets and bombs and not get a scratch  but in reality that wouldn ', t happen . the men have nothing to shield or protect them besides some metal flanks and dead bodies . they are sitting ducks and we realize this through the perspective of the well - secured germans who can actually see who  what  and where they ', re shooting  unlike the americans who must fire in a general direction to avoid getting their heads blown off . perhaps the film is flawed by not providing any backstory on the war itself and who the men really are  but that seems to be part of the theme . the film seems to rely on the audience ', s sense of patriotism  that the american military is " right " and good and that the nazis are " inherently evil . " the battle scene eventually focuses on a group of men who have miraculously survived and made their way close to the enemy stronghold ( a whole 50 - foot progression )  and begin to inflict some damage . i have to admit that once the first glimpse of victory over the nazis sprang up  i couldn ', t help but feel some sense of joy and relief . to triumph against all odds is a cliche to be sure  but there ', s nothing cliche about the graphic  detailed  atmosphere here because it really happened . one of the most surprising aspects of the film is how little story construction there is  and yet the events that take place make sense and are interesting . the plot is practically irrelevant since the film is more concerned with the reality of the war and the soldiers we meet . tom hanks stars as captain miller  a relatively average man who happens to be the leader of a platoon . he ', s never obsessive or any such generic  cartoonish characteristic that might dominate a character like this . he doesn ', t want to be there any more than his men  but when he is given a mission he intends to carry it out . the mission the film is concerned with is  as the title states  saving private ryan . through a series of command started by an ordinary clerical worker  it is brought to a general ', s attention that three brothers from iowa have been killed in action and their mother will receive notices of each ', s death simultaneously . when they learn a fourth brother is stationed somewhere in europe  they make it a top priority to have him returned safely to his mother . it ', s easy to sympathize with this situation  after all  no one should have to lose all their children at once . but finding one man in this war is  as miller puts it  " like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles . " the saving of private ryan isn ', t just a dramatic device  but a thematic one . his salvation represents the sense of innocence the country  the world even  was trying to convince itself it still had . when miller ', s company hears of the mission  they scoff at the idea assuming he is dead  but miller isn ', t so quick to shrug it off . he knows the only thing that can really save soldiers from death is hope  and now he has the opportunity to make someone ', s sense of hope a reality . the mission to find ryan gives miller ', s group a destination  but not direction . along the way many things happen to them  both good and bad . a few battles are fought  not to be major accomplishments for the war  but because they encounter german soldiers and have no other choice . the act of killing itself becomes one of the film ', s major philosophical metaphors . the soldiers don ', t mind killing other soldiers in blind battle  but when they come across a lone survivor who begs them to let him go  they can barely stop themselves from killing him in cold blood as some kind of vengeance for their losses . unfortunately  death is a fact of war  and most films try to avoid it when it comes to the main characters  but here spielberg doesn ', t want us to think these men are invincible . in fact  only a small amount of color and personality is sketched into each man  and the performances are good enough to make this method work . although the characters are somewhat typical  the actors maintain control over the material at all time . whether they ', re arguing with each other  telling stories of back home  or fighting the germans  they never go overboard and always seem believable . sure  there ', s a zinger here and there  but war doesn ', t change the fact boys will be boys . if and when one dies we too can feel the loss  even though we hardly knew them . the final act brings the story full circle with another tremendous  violent battle sequence . private ryan has been found  but facing four to one odds  can the americans defeat the germans and keep ryan alive ? that ', s not a premise for thrills  it ', s symbolic of everything the film has worked for . it would be wrong to say the film has either a happy or sad ending  it ends the way it must end . i remember reading a " calvin & hobbes " comic strip where calvin asked his dad something like  " dad  how do armies of men killing each other solve problems ? " " saving private ryan " is the adult version of that question .
pos [', lake placid ', is definately not your typical creature attacking people movie  ok so maybe it is  but this one is enjoyable  and clever . actually it comes off more of a comedy than a horror film . well the ending is kinda scary  but in most horror / comedies they are . i will admit that ', lake placid ', isn ', t an oscar worthy film  but it does come off as an inventive movie that is original and funny . bridget fonda plays a palentologist who after finding out her boyfriend is cheating  is forced to go to lake placid and investigate a tooth  after a man is bit in half . she gets there but really doesn ', t understand why she is there . bill pullman plays a man also investigating what happened  along with the sherriff and a rich croc obsessed man  they go out and find what is going on . what they find though isn ', t great . a huge and i mean huge crocodile is living in lake placid  over 150 years old  he has migrated here for who knows why . they have to fight against the croc and try to trap him so they can study him and see where he came from . betty white plays a woman who lives on the shores of lake placid  and well you ', ll have to see the movie to find out . her character is very funny and foul - mouthed  which is surprising to hear betty spew words and phrases that are pretty bad  but funny . to me the movie came off as a spoof of jaws . with the opening sequence  and some others  it is not original and is . when you watch this movie  you definately notice the smartness and cleverness of it . david e . kelly who is the mastermind of the practice and ally mcbeal  writes this movie with ease and surprisingly does a great job . the characters have smartmouths  two foul  and some great one - liners . but believe me  don ', t take ', lake placid ', too seriously or you won ', t like it . but it is a movie that can be enjoyed as a fun ', popcorn ', type movie . but i guess it rates above the ', popcorn ', rating . sit back  watch the movie  laugh  scream  and whatever you want . even though the movie is r  and i put violence and gore . there ', s really not that much gore  but what there is might seem kinda gross to some . ', lake placid ', is a smart  clever  funny  and scary movie that i enjoyed and i think you will too .
pos a lot of times a three - star film will be my favorite . they ', re usually the kind of movie i can watch most often too . they ', re usually not too deep  allowing for semi - brainless relaxation  and at the same time  not too dumb . men in black is a four - star three - star film . ( hope you could follow that one ) men in black doesn ', t wait to get to the fun . just minutes into the film we are introduced to agent kay ( tommy lee jones )  introduced to an alien  and introduced to the the awesome memory - diminishing tool that all mib agents use . after all  you can ', t have alien witnesses running around with that kind of knowledge can you ? men in black is  of course  the organization which " moniters all extra - terrestrial activity on earth " . nypd officer james edwards ( will smith )  is on a routine foot chase when suddenly the no - good punk he ', s chasing starts leaping up buildings and blinking more than one pair of eyes . the alien delivers the simple message that the world is going to end  and with that  dives off of a roof . naturally nobody believes his story . . . nobody that is  except for the top secret organization that not even the government is aware of . edwards then meets agent kay  the man who never seems to crack a smile  and is introduced to the mib . edwards winds up joining the team and is stripped of anything that can point back to him ( birth certificate  drivers license  and even the literal removal of his fingerprints ) . james edwards no longer exists . meet agent jay . agent kay takes the rookie jay under his wing as they go about " regular " duties . eventually a far more treacherous event comes into play . a " bug " has landed on earth and is going to wipe out mankind if these two don ', t ( or can ', t ) stop it . the plot isn ', t exactly clear  but we know it has to do with a galaxy as big as a jewel or marble being sought after on earth  and that is crucial that the mib find it before the " bug " does . barry sonnenfeld  who also did the addams family films  directs this nicely . it ', s fun  it ', s funny  it ', s action - packed . a nice summer blockbuster as it rightfully turned out to be . this is one of those movies that is just " fun " and can ', t really be summed up any nicer or clearer . will smith and tommy lee jones both do great jobs and both are a blast to watch . definitely one of the best films of the the summer of ', 97  men in black comes highly recommeded from me !
pos what if one of our cities became the target for terror ? what can we do ? what can america really do about the increasing threat of terrorism ? what basic human rights are we willing to sacrifice to prevent another oklahoma city disaster ? so far america has been the leading nation  opposing the fundamentalist terrorists around the world . it is the land of opportunities . it is the land of freedom . but what if it became the new target ? this dark fantasy has unfortunately a very strong grounding in reality . when a special branch of the united states military  under the command of general william devereaux ( bruce willis )  takes prisoner suspected terrorist mastermind sheik ahmed bin talal  islamic fundamentalists across the world take notice . the only warning the fbi receives is a single  cryptic message : " release him . " then all hell breaks loose in new york . a bus is destroyed  killing 25 civilians . a broadway theater is bombed . hostages are taken at a school . as the wave of terrorist activity crests  the president must consider if the only way to save the city and break the grip of fear is to declare martial law . devereaux argues against that eventuality  but is nevertheless ready to lead 10  000 men into action on american soil . another person not in favor of martial law is anthony hubbard ( denzel washington )  the fbi agent in charge of investigating the terrorist activities . his staff is comprised of smart  energetic  intelligent men and women very much unlike the usual group o ! f moronic feds we ', re used to seeing in movies . hubbard develops an uneasy alliance with cia agent elise kraft ( annette bening )  whose department knows more about the situation than they ', re willing to reveal . but the attacks escalate . the fbi are helpless  chasing an invisible enemy . the land is under siege . they have lost control . . a terror is coming from within . . what ', s great about this film is that it is made as if holding up a mirror to life . it reflects reality . and that ', s why it makes such an impact . edward zwick has created a clever  well written and terrifying thriller that may very well be one of the best films of the season . the director manages to tell several stories simultaneously . and so his film plays on several levels  never loosing focus on its main objective . he is exploring the abuse of power  the distrustful relationships that exist between various segments of the u . s . government ( the army  the fbi  and the cia ) . he takes a look at the complexities inherent when so many secrets and lies are involved . the palestinian community in 1998 new york is treated exactly as japanese americans were during world war ii . there are concentration camps and unlawful interments  all in the name of the " greater good . " in the latter part of the film the land of opportunities looses its heart and soul -- freedom . was that what the terror ! ists really wanted ? this film has evoked protests and objections from the arab - american population in the u . s . and n . y . especially . but to me these protests seem unnecessary . zwick is careful to not step over the line and make the palestinians typical hollywood bad guys . the script is therefore wonderfully balanced . agent hubbard ', s best friend and loyal colleague frank haddad ( tony shalhoub ) is lebanese - american . and it is quite often you hear lines such as " my first boyfriend was palestinian . they seduce you with their suffering " or " they love this country as much as we do . " but no matter how you twist this matter  you won ', t get away from the fact that when it comes to world wide terrorism it is arab - speaking population who are in the great majority . more to the point  the siege demonstrates the injustice of blanket condemnation of any ethnic group by depicting the unfair treatment of all arab - americans by the u . s . military . and thus this film does not serve as a source for discrimination in any ! way . denzel washington is dashing as always . in this role he is much more determined and stronger than usual . anette bening is enjoyable and believable as a shadowy cia operative who prefers espionage  a network of snitches and seduction to gather information . . bruce willis is terrifying as the sadist  hungry for power  that never looses his connection with the audience  since his point of view is not too hard to understand . the film is elegantly shaped . the scenes are easily floating into each other and the film never seems overlong . zwick knows exactly how to provoke tension  horror and emotions and does it with a rarely observed professionalism . he tightens the intensity as the events progress . and when a plot twist comes  it actually is surprising . it is not a film drained in patriotism  like the work of roland emerich . nor is it a film that portrays explosions purely for entertainment values . it is a daring picture that has courage enough to undertake such a risky story and difficult journey . it has courage enough to get involved in politics . it questions our foreign policies  mentality and defense . i must admit that it ends rather disappointing  as the director turns the patriotism way up and innovation down . but despite of that  it is certainly an intelligent and thrilling film that provokes emotions and thoughts ; a virtue that few summer films can boast of . " this is the u . s . army . it ', s a broadsword  not a scalpel . believe me  you do not want us in an american city " - gen . william devereaux  " the siege "
pos " desperate measures " was something i was excited about seeing back when it was originally scheduled to be released : summer ', 97 . for some reason  it was delayed until hollywood ', s traditional dumping ground : january . now that it ', s out  i see no real reason for that delay  as it ', s a simple yet highly entertaining film . michael keaton stars as a maniacial murderer who ', s bone marrow can save the life of the dying son of a san francisco police detective ( garcia ) . keaton agrees to the transplant  only so he can attempt escape . he succeeds  in a plan that of course could only work in the movies . the police force is now trying to kill keaton  while garcia is working against them trying to keep keaton alive in order to save his son . the film definately has it ', s flaws . the plot is strictly tv movie of the week fare  but the acting and direction certainly boost it far above that status . also  after keaton ', s escape  garcia ', s captain barks at him " how many men have to die to save your kid ', s life ? " which the film treats as such an evil and insignificant remark . the thing is  it ', s a vaild point . how many people have to be needlessly crippled  burned  and killed just to save this one child ? what ', s the greater good here ? many lives or one life ? if movies really had guts nowadays  i would have loved to have seen this movie come down to a final choice for garcia ', s character . place him in a situation where he knows that he has to kill keaton because keaton is about to kill someone else . alas  movies these days generally have no such ambition to pull the audience ', s strings in ways which might make the uncomfortable . despite a few silly moments ( and one or two really stupid ones )  the good things about " desperate measures " outnumber the bad . the main highlight would be keaton ', s performance . the character could have easily been an overacting  scene chewing freak  but keaton underplays it nicely . he ', s not as menacing as he was in " pacific heights " or even as menacing as he was in " batman " ( yes kids  batman used to be a dark character )  but you certainly get the idea that he ', s evil . even the final scene of the film  which normally i would just hate  seems strangely appropriate for this film . so much so that i didn ', t mind it in the slightest . and another bonus : the film takes place in san francisco  which usually means a car chase on those hills that you ', ve seen a billion times before . and for a moment  it looked as though it was about to happen . but it doesn ', t  and that ', s creative . [ r ]
pos what is a scary movie anyhow ? is it a movie where a person gets ripped to shreds ? is it where a person is being chased by some damned teenager who wants revenge ? possibly its some guy with a hook who wants to know what you did last summer . what ever happened to horror movies  where the horror was in the atmosphere  and in the characters . movies like " halloween " and " psycho " which revolutionized horror genre forever  but wait in 1973 came a movie based on the bestselling book by william peter blatty  entitled " the exorcist "  the movie opened to rave reviews  and scared audiences to death  now in the year 2000 " the exorcist " comes back to the big screen in a version you ', ve never seen complete with six channel digital surround sound  and fifteen minutes of new footage never before seen as long as a new ending . chris mcniell is an actress living in georgetown washington with her twelve year old daughter regan . while working on a new film  chris still stays close to regan  but starts to wonder why her bed shakes at night  and why regan starts to have convulsions all of a sudden . when chris finds out that regan is possessed by a demon  she shuns at the fact of it  but considers getting a priest to help her daughter . father karras ( jason miller ) is the man they bring in  his mother has just died  and still in mourning he decides to help this little girl . christ  father karras  and their nanny sharon ( kitty winn ) have to sit and wait until a man shows up  that man is the exorcist  and that man will help this little girl . excrutiatingly scary  the exorcist is a classic horror film  which twenty seven years later still scares audiences half to death . now we get to the experience " the exorcist " the way it was meant to be seen in a director ', s cut which incorpates fifteen minutes of new footage cut by friedkin at the time of the release for content and time  a new ending has been added as well  and adds more of a lighter feeling to the movie  which i prefer the original darker ending more . the movie has also been remastered in a wonderful six channel digital sound mix  and is amazing . the voices are all clear  the music pours out on you and engulfs you in richness . as a director friedkin has been well known for other films  but his standout film is " the exorcist " nominated for several academy awards it one a few  but was somehow doubted best picture  best actress ( ellen burstyn ) and best supporting actress ( linda blair ) who at the age of i believe thirteen does a wonderful job of being a little girl  alone  possessed and unable to stop what is going on . ellen burstyn i think gives her best performance to date  and can be seen currently in " requiem for a dream " to which she is getting rave reviews for . jason miller ( jason patrik ', s dad ) is amazing as father karras  and his performance will be forever embedded in my mind  to me he is the character who makes the entire film float along . i was saddened when i saw this film with an audience of mostly younger people to see them laughing at this movie  i in no way  think that this movie is comical  yes some of the stuff regan says is funny  but they were laughing at her head spinning  and the green pea soup  come on people this is some creepy stuff ! anyway the re - release of the film has managed to make $ 40 million dollars  and is still going . hopefully one day they re - release it again in twenty years for more generations to come to enjoy .
pos a wonderful little movie that is really interested in its characters and in its theme . the scene of " second best " is laid in wales . james ( chris cleary miles ) is a 10 - year - old boy who must live in a home because his father ( keith allen ) is in prison and his mother committed suicide . james is a mentally unbalanced child . he can ', t forget what happened in the past  and he dreams of living a happy life with his beloved father . in the home he feels sadly and lonely . one day  a social worker ( alan cumming ) tells him of a person who wants to adopt him . this person is graham holt ( william hurt ) . graham manages a post office and shop in a village . he is a single and hasn ', t any real friends . his mother is dead  and his father is ill and will die . graham feels that he has been a disappointment to his parents . there has never been real love between his parents and him . graham ', s monotonous life would get a new sense if he could adopt james . but graham has not only to convince the institutions  but must also win the love of james . james and graham have to open theirselves . they must get to know each other and learn to understand and trust the other person . james and graham aid each other to cope with their problems . but will their relationship really have a future ? " second best " is based on a novel by david cook who also wrote the screenplay . the film was directed by chris menges who had made his directing debut with the very good anti - apartheid drama " a world apart " ( 1987 / 88 ) . and maybe  " second best " is even a greater picture . this precise  richly detailed  sensitively and convincingly directed study about a special adoption treats its theme with great seriousness . the breathtakingly intense film shows the necessity of human contact and communication . william hurt delivers an outstanding performance as graham holt . and chris cleary miles is remarkably convincing in the role of the boy . the supporting cast is also fine ( especially jane horrocks as debbie  a social worker who is charged to examine graham ', s living circumstances ) . " second best " is an underestimated masterpiece . it ', s a pity that films like this one are made so seldom . i eagerly await menges ', next directorial work  " the lost son "  which will star daniel auteuil .
pos this is a good year if you want plenty of sci - fi on your multiplex . > from the comedies mars attacks and men in black  to luc besson ', s powerful the fifth element  and to this  sci - fi / horror that is event horizon . ( more is on the way with contact and alien : ressurection being released later this year . ) the story is thus : in 2040 an explorer ship called the event horizon tests out a newly invented gravity drive . a device that enables a craft to travel anywhere in the universe  instantaneously . this is achieved by creating a gateway  infact  a black hole  between the craft and it ', s required destination . in this case  from near neptune to proxima prime . however  when the event horizon attempts this  it dissappears  without trace  leaving two searches for it fruitless . seven years later  it reappears  transmitting a distress signal and this is where the film starts . a search and rescue ship is sent out to investigate . the team is led by laurence fishburne  and joining them is sam neill who plays the scientist that invented the gravity drive . as the team search the event horizon  they find no trace of the crew but plenty of blood lying around . not a good sign . . . to make matters worse  as they search the ship  they find themselves being subjected to a series of illusions based on their own individual inner secrets and worse  some very bloody events start to occur as they slowly piece together the events that transpired on the ship seven years ago . it soon becomes apparent that  wherever the ship went  it bought something back with it . something very  very evil . . . the first thing you ', ll notice in this film is it ', s incredible visual effects . they really are eye popping  with some great models to boot . the acting is quite good  with some occasional witty moments . sam neill does a good job as the scientist that increasingly becomes more and more disturbed as the search continues  but a tip of the hat goes to laurence fishburne who leads the team  in a cool  calm  take no nonense manner . it is his acting skills that help hold this film together . the idea behind event horizon is certainly a good one . it starts off incredibly well  but the middle section becomes quite confused and sometimes muddled  leaving the viewer unsure on just what the reasons are behind some of the bloody and bizarre events that occur . however  the closing 20 minutes of the film more than make up for this  producing one the most nail biting ( or in my case  straw of my drink biting ! ) climaxes i ', ve recently witnessed . overall  event horizon is a smart film indeed . it ', s very enjoyable and has some amazing visuals . but be warned  the horror scenes  despite being very brief are very  very  gory . not for the squemish !
pos scarface  a remake of the 1932 film of the same name  is a very gripping and  as far as i know  a true - to - life story of how power and violence lead to corruption . al pacino  as tony montana ( for whom the movie is named )  also provides a brilliant performance as a cuban refugee who comes to america with less than nothing and becomes one of the most highly respected and feared drug lords in miami . oliver stone also penned the screenplay in one of his earlier writing roles . the film begins by disclosing the story of now fidel castro ordered thousands of cubans to set sail and head for the coasts of the united states . many of these cubans had criminal records  such as tony montana  a cocky  fast - talking man who has the look of crime . nearly right after his arrival in miami  tony is thrust into the gangster life when he participates in a cocaine buy that goes awry . along with his friend and partner  manolo ( steven bauer )  tony rises in the gangster ranks when he forms a friendship with frank lopez ( robert loggia )  a high - roller in the organized crime field . tony also begins to fall in love with elvira ( michelle pfeiffer )  who at the time was frank ', s lover . of course  sooner or later in this industry  betrayal and corruption amount into a force greater than anything else  and tony is one of the ones who fall victim to this force . this is not before he becomes one of the most respected  and often feared  men in miami . tony gets to the point where he cannot trust anyone  and everyone he knows basically feels the same way towards him . no one can trust him  and basically  no one does . scarface  although incredibly violent  is one of the best crime films of its time and stands out as another great performance for al pacino . although he did not receive any recognition from the academy for his performance  it truly is a very good one . in fact  his accent and facial movements alone are enough in my mind to win at least a nomination ( although he did get a golden globe nomination ) . another element that stands out when someone mentions this film is the profanity . a figure tagged to the film boasts that the word " fuck " and it ', s uses are uttered 206 times throughout the film  which is apparently a record . the thing is  the vulgarity fits rather well with the movie . as odd as it sounds  it ', s true . in the end  scarface is a very powerful film that hits home hard .
pos trekkies  roger nygard ', s energetic and hilarious documentary  brings viewers into the world of the star trek conventions . the beauty of the film is that it is good old fashion fun for trekkies and non - fans alike . ( the film generally writes off the trekkies vs . trekker polemic as not worth arguing about . ) the good - spirited movie trekkies easily forces even the most cynical viewer into fits of uncontrollable  loud giggles  yet the picture treats its subject matter with respect and a certain awe . denise crosby  who played tasha yar on " star trek : the next generation  " serves as the host . in the opening credits the movie reminds us that trekkies are the only fan group listed in the oxford english dictionary ( oed ) . ( the oed cites a february  1976 caption in the " new yorker " as the first recorded usage of the word . ) unless you ', ve been to the conventions  i posit that you have no idea of the dedication of some of the fans . one pointed out  apologetically  that the stripe on his new uniform was slightly inaccurate . others talked about how many star trek conventions they had attended  several dozen being typical and hundreds not unheard of . my personal favorite fan is sir speedy photocopying worker barbara adams . arguably the most famous of all the trekkies  she wears her uniform every waking hour as many die - hard fans do . her claim to fame is that  as a juror on the whitewater trial  she wore it in court as well . " every day i would walk past the reporters with a vulcan - like stoicism  " she says  describing her way of dealing with the crowd of reporters who became obsessed with her obsession . she doesn ', t quite understand all of the uproar . " i ', m an officer of the federation 24 hours a day  " she reminds us . her fealty to her hobby approaches that of a religious faith . along with the laugher the show evokes  there is an equal measure of sincere appreciation for people with such loyalty . and their infectious joy provokes a certain envy of their enjoyment . few other avocations could give this much satisfaction . these people are having the time of their lives . ( for the record  i ', m not a star trek fan although i have seen some of the movies . ) the film interviews the various star trek series ', s stars as well as its fans . the stars had thought the convention idea was a lark and would soon fade  but over twenty years later  the conventions are still going strong . filled with anecdotes  the show talks about the happenings at the various conventions . at one  the actor who plays q was so sick that he thought he would have to cancel . after appearing briefly  he drank some water and left . they decided to auction off his half - empty glass  joking that it had the " q virus . " the guy who won the bidding immediately drank the water and screamed to the crowd that he now had the q virus too . with dedication comes a certain amount of stupidity . not just flitting among people  the documentary takes the time to let you get to know the trekkies . one guy is a trekkie cross - dresser  another dresses her cat  and then there is the dentist . the dentist has his entire office made up to look like a star trek set . he  his oral hygienists  his receptionist  his wife  and his kids wear the outfits all of the time . it appears that his workers are permitted to take them off when they go home  but not his family . for variety  he and his family do change characters from time to time . he says his patients like it . well  there was this one complainer  but he had a problem with his bill anyway . there are summer schools for klingon with ph . d . linguists to teach the language . hamlet is now available in klingon  albeit perhaps not at your local bookstore  and they are working on translating the bible . they even sell united federation passports that are real enough that trekkies have used them to fool customs  even u . s . customs . the movie bogs down only briefly when it tries to argue the series ', s larger meaning about diversity and humanitarian concerns . sandwiched in - between the levity  the switch in tone doesn ', t work . the incessantly up - beat film ends with a singing elvis impersonator . he fits right in . trekkies runs a breezy 1 : 26 . it is not rated but would be pg for brief sexual references and would be fine for all ages .
pos if you ', re the type of person who goes on the submarine ride every time you visit disneyland  you ', re going to love the hunt for red october . you ', ll also love the film if you enjoy cat and mouse military tactics  or if you ', re a sean connery or alec baldwin fan  or if you admired director john mctiernan ', s earlier films  die hard and predator . in fact  the only people likely to be disappointed with the hunt for red october are those who have read the book  since films almost never live up to the novels which inspired them . the hunt for red october is an epic thriller  adapted from tom clancy ', s best selling novel . set in an era before glasnost  the movie revolves around a top - secret soviet submarine  called the red october . the nuclear sub has a revolutionary propulsion system  which makes the vessel silent and allows it to escape sonar detection . the red october embarks on its maiden voyage under the command of captain marko ramius  played by sean connery . ramius has strict orders just to test the submarine  but he has other ideas . he takes the sub and its crew and disappears into the atlantic ocean . is he planning to start world war iii ? cia analyst jack ryan doesn ', t think so ; he ', s convinced that ramius plans to defect to the u . s . ryan  played by alec baldwin  is given three days to prove his theory and find the missing sub . the characters in the hunt for red october are paper thin  but the performances  thankfully  are rock solid . baldwin and connery anchor the film with their customary vigor . sam neil gives a sturdy performance as connery ', s somber first officer . it ', s ironic to see neil and connery playing russians  since they are both best known for their roles as british agents  connery as james bond and neil as reilly  " ace of spies . " the large cast also includes scott glenn  james earl jones  tim curry  and joss ackland  plus richard jordan as the smooth u . s . national security adviser . the special effects are remarkable  but more than anything  the hunt for red october is distinguished by its water - tight plot . screenwriters larry ferguson and donald stewart have gracefully navigated red october through a story line full of twists and turns . they keep us involved in the action by unveiling plot strands at just the right moment . the movie doesn ', t get as sweaty or breathless as die hard  because it would rather tell a good story than hit you over the head with non - stop action . the finale is rousing and suspenseful  but essentially  the hunt for red october is a superior potboiler .
pos i was pleasantly surprised by this film . with a budget topping $ 200 million  i was quite skeptical about whether throwing all that money toward one of the twentieth century ', s greatest tragedies would make a film exciting enough to see . how much could you dress up the sets ? how many models and computer effects could you use ? how much more action could you pack into a ship that sinks ? oh  if i ', ve just given away part of the plot for you  go back to school . after having viewed titanic  however  i found it to be a well - paced  well - designed  and overall well - made movie . there have been many films made about the maiden and final voyage of the ocean liner titanic  but this latest offering from director james cameron is the best i ', ve seen . titanic tells its story in two time periods . it starts out in the present  when ocean explorer brock lovett ( bill paxton ) and his team are exploring the wreckage of the titanic on the floor of the atlantic  searching for a priceless diamond necklace which supposedly went down with the ship . what they find instead is a drawing of a woman wearing the necklace  which is broadcast on the news . the woman in the picture recognizes herself and phones lovett  who has her flown out to his exploration vessel on the high seas . there she tells her story to lovett and his team . in 1912  rose dewitt bukater ( kate winslett )  a young lady belonging to society ', s upper class  boards the titanic for the ship ', s first atlantic crossing  from southampton  england to new york . she is engaged to cal hockley ( billy zane )  an heir to old money  and a snob in every sense of the word . on board  rose feels the stifling trappings of high - society ', s expectations  and resolves to escape from it all by throwing herself off the titanic ', s stern  but is saved from her self - proclaimed fate by jack dawson ( leonardo dicaprio )  a passenger in third - class ( " steerage "  as it ', s referred to )  who talks her out of jumping . although for rose the attraction is not immediate  a love affair soon develops between the two  which endangers rose ', s social standing as well as her engagement to the jealous cal . the story sounds very simple  and perhaps even unexciting  but through solid performances by the leads and good direction by cameron  a good movie comes through . dicaprio is marvelous as the young  but worldly - wise jack  playing the role with the confidence usually found in older actors . his is a character that is immediately likable  as he knows what he wants out of life and is charmingly able to handle a variety of situations . girls are going to swoon over him . winslet also proves herself a good actress  delivering her lines convincingly  and the quality of performances between winslet and dicaprio makes the relationship believable . the only problem with winslet is that she does not carry herself in accordance with her character ', s upbringing . simply by judgment of her gait  i was distracted from the fact that she was supposed to be an upper - crust debutante . rather than demonstrate the poise one would expect her character to possess  she sometimes looks positively clumsy  and it unfortunately detracts from her otherwise great acting . billy zane is cast well as the aristocratic snob cal  since he has a certain look that immediately makes you want to hate him . his features are such that even when he smiles  there ', s something mistrustful about him  and when he scowls  he is evil incarnate . he ', s something like a porcelain version of peter gallagher  but a cheaper model . like dicaprio and winslet  zane slips comfortably into his role and plays it well . backing up zane is david warner as lovejoy  cal ', s personal assistant ( or " man " as they said at the turn of the century ) . no matter who else is in the cast  you can always count on a good performance by warner  who seems to be made to play the distinguished gentleman with a gaze of steel and will to match . additionally  there are a number of smaller fictional and non - fictional roles thrown in for color  such as kathy bates as " the unsinkable " molly brown  danny nucci as jack ', s friend fabrizio de rossi  eric braeden as john jacob astor  and even bernard fox as colonel archibald gracie . nice to see dr . bombay getting work . also scattered about are some of the other steerage passengers who are basically in the movie so you can feel sorry for them when they die . this by itself may have been largely compulsory in a film about the titanic  but it transcends this status by putting these characters in direct conflict with the ship ', s crewmembers who strive to maintain order and assure that the first - class passengers are placed aboard the lifeboats before anyone else . in this way  titanic possesses a depth not usually found in action pictures . you don ', t just get a love story with a tragedy as a backdrop  but a very real account of class struggle as well . as i mentioned before  the budget for this film was tremendous  and it certainly showed in the set dressing and special effects . the interiors of the titanic are nearly breathtaking with their elaborate trimmings and intricate detail  and one has very little doubt that the layouts are authentic . with regard to the exteriors  i would dare anyone to point out a film in which a vessel has been recreated with such meticulousness or on such a scale . cameron actually built a scale model of the titanic in a water tank  but only had room for 90 %  and therefore had to computer - generate the remaining 40 feet . could ', ve fooled me and everyone else in the theater  as the splicing is seamless . also of note in this film is the way the audience is presented with the anatomy of the disaster right at the beginning . we are told of where the iceberg struck the ship  how the flooding occurred  the way the ship sank  and why it did so in that manner . these technical details serve as a guide for later on when the action starts happening  and allow us to view the sinking with informed analytic detraction  in addition to the more conventional placement in the midst of mayhem and confusion . in all  james cameron ', s titanic is a good blend of love story  history  and action . the fact that the film runs longer than most at about three hours is almost unnoticed as the viewer ', s attention is held alternately by those three main elements  from the movie ', s intriguing beginning to it ', s satisfactory ending . in box office receipts  titanic the movie will undoubtedly live up to the unsinkable expectations of titanic the ship .
pos it was easy to fear the worst . begin with a classic 1960 ', s television series  add a big budget and an a - list star in the lead role  and stir . script  you ask ? who needs one  kid . . . we ', ve got ourselves a formula . that was my fear : a bloated monster without any sense of direction . then  much to my amazement  everything that could possibly go wrong . . . didn ', t . the fugitive is as lean  taut and tense as anything the action genre has produced in the last several years . under the direction of andrew davis ( 1992 ', s under siege )  the fugitive grips you by the throat from the outset and never lets go . expect box office to go through the roof  deservedly  and expect an academy award nomination for tommy lee jones . the premise is a simple one . dr . richard kimble ( harrison ford ) is wrongly convicted for the murder of his wife after struggling with the real killer  a man with an artificial arm . after an escape attempt by some other prisoners during a transfer goes awry  kimble finds himself on the run . his one goal : to find the one - armed man ( andreas katsulas ) before u . s . marshall sam gerard ( tommy lee jones ) finds him . where the fugitive surprises the most is the script  by jeb stuart and david twohy . in a genre where one is almost always asked to allow leaps of logic  the script repeatedly astonished me with its intelligence  its attention to detail and its respect for the audience . in an early sequence  kimble sneaks into a hospital to shave of his beard  slick back his hair and change into a lab coat . on his way out  a police officer jokingly tells the man he doesn ', t know is kimble to zip up his pants . it ', s a small moment  but it punches home the urgency of kimble ', s situation  and exactly what a man concerned about not being recognized might easily forget . later  while trying to lose himself in a parade  kimble thinks to drop his overcoat  the most likely way he ', d be recognized from behind . it ', s these details which convince us that when a colleague of kimble ', s tells gerard that he ', s too smart to be caught  he may just be right . credit must also be given to the special effects and stunt coordinators . the bus crash which allows kimble ', s escape is a spectacular sequence  as is a leap from a dam into the water below . the action is crisp and brutal  and never romanticized . special kudos go to director davis for maintaining a relentless pace which underscores the single - mindedness of the two leads . and what a pair of performances those leads are . tommy lee jones is nothing short of brilliant as gerard  because he manages an incredibly challenging feat . for the first third of the film  there is really no * villain * per se ; kimble is on the run  and gerard is out to find him . it would have been very easy to turn gerard into a malevolent  vindictive inspector javert  but that never happens . instead jones plays him as a sharp  committed man who ', s just doing his job  so that when he responds to kimble ', s comment  " i didn ', t kill my wife  " with a matter - of - fact  " i don ', t care  " we know exactly what he means . it ', s not his job to determine guilt or innocence . it ', s his job to bring in a fugitive . this is a well - written character played with relish by an actor at the top of his form . the only unfortunate thing about jones ', stunning turn is that it ', s likely to overshadow harrison ford  and that ', s a shame . for his entire career  ford has been underappreciated as an actor due to his pigeonholing as an action hero . however  he does a fine job with the less flashy part of kimble  always keeping at the forefront the advantage this man has because of his intelligence . the fugitive could only work to its fullest if the two protagonists always seemed to be on equal footing  and ford is up to the task . this summer has been loaded with action / suspense films  and most of them have been doing brisk business . however  it ', s time for clint  sean  and various dinosaurs to step aside . the chase is on . my advice is to catch it .
pos pollock starring ed harris  marcia gay harden  tom bower  jennifer connelly screenplay by barbara turner and susan j . emshwiller  based on the book " jackson pollock : an american saga " by steven naifeh and gregory white smith directed by ed harris * * * for more film  dvd and books about movie reviews  plus annual coverage of the toronto international film festival  visit _film freak central_ - http : // filmfreakcentral . net | now with search engine * * * " how do you know when you ', re finished making love ? " - jackson pollock to a life magazine reporter on recognizing when you ', ve completed a painting jackson pollock ', s " making love " quote is famous  but in practically the same breath  he said a more constructive thing  " it ', s like looking at a bed of flowers -- tear your hair out over what it means . " it took him sixteen words to do as whole dissertations have tried and failed : equate god and abstract art and offer a kind of backhanded comfort to those confused to the point of resentment by the concept . the biopic _pollock_  actor ed harris ', directorial debut  reflects the second soundbite in how it accepts pollock ', s creations as part of the order of things  and should similarly disarm haters of fine art . arguably more than any other living actor  harris  who also plays _pollock_  embodies the archetypal working stiff  and his blue - collar demystification of pollock ', s labour - intensive art  both as performer and director  makes for unpretentious cinema . ( from what i know of harris  he  like pollock  was not born gifted or lucky ; instead  a strong work ethic is the seed of his success . ) granted  it ', s possible that _pollock_ will alienate those same viewers perplexed by the imponderable " purpose " of pollock ', s splatter series : the common thread between them is a lack of editorializing . the movie _pollock_ is all purposeful gazes and silent exchanges dotted by tantrums  but the motivations are left to our own perceptions . and it is a sympathetic yet not altogether forgiving film  as illustrated by a disheartening conclusion . _pollock_ encapsulates the period in which he fought a losing battle against personal demons ( alcoholism  depression  and the general attendant miseries of an artist ) while finding a place of subconscious expression . a brief introduction to pollock ', s raging drunk side segues into his getting accosted by a fellow new york artist  lee krasner ( marcia gay harden  awarded a best supporting actress oscar for this brilliant portrayal )  who works from the outside - in  pre - intellectualizing every stroke of her brush . in a scene after they have moved in together and established adjoining studios  she asks what he hopes to achieve on his latest canvas  grilling him about the interplay of cubism and surrealism until he says  " you paint the fucking thing  " and leaves in a huff . by the time they wed  she has become his de facto manager ; it is form marrying function and chaos marrying discipline  a most harmonious collision . ( krasner denies him a baby  indicating that it would upset the balance . ) such a union is destined to implode  and i hope i ', m not ruining the _pollock_ experience by saying that it does . while it is never depicted as a very romantic matrimony to start -- pollock and wife channel their passions elsewhere -- their symbiosis leaves each other picked dry after several years  and it comes down to krasner suffering one of pollock ', s conniptions too many : " you are killing me ! you are killing me ! you are killing me ! " ( aside : harris ', own wife  amy madigan  is unrecognizable and exceptional as gallery diva peggy guggenheim . ) pollock himself moves on to dalliances with younger women like ruth klingman ( the scorching jennifer connelly )  hoping  one supposes  to catch the revitalizing whiff of youth . i love jackson pollock ', s stuff and i am enamoured of harris ', _pollock_ as well . it ', s scrappy and observant ; no coincidence that its minor failings are the occasional invasive flourish  such as jeff beal ', s hummable but no less lamentable score -- i can ', t imagine that pollock  or anyone  would paint to this music  which puts filling soundtrack voids ahead of complementing the images . one of my favourite sequences is an eerily quiet re - enactment of hans namuth shooting that famous pollock footage in east hampton  long island ; the mounting tension is almost comic  as namuth keeps interrupting pollock ', s process to reload his camera or take a dinner break . a more seasoned director might ', ve been too arrogant to admit that not all artists or mediums are created equal .
pos it ', s been a long time since walt disney has delivered us a classic along the lines of the little mermaid or beauty and the beast . sure  there have been delightful outings like last years hercules . but nothing entirely groundbreaking . with the release of the studio ', s newest feature length film  a remake of edgar rice burrough ', s creation tarzan  disney has plunged into new waters with both maturity and animation techniques . it ', s no classic  but this new tarzan represents exactly what a family film should be . the plot is loyal to the original storyline  as tarzan ', s parents are forced to abandon their ship which has caught fire  and find shelter in the jungles of africa . but  they are killed ( offscreen ) by the snarling cheetah sabor  leaving baby tarzan alone and unharmed in his crib . found by kala ( voiced with effective gentleness by glenn close )  a kindhearted mother and member of a gorilla pack  tarzan is taken into the primate group and raised as one of their own . we follow the young boy through the years  as he partakes in various adventures with his loud mouth gorilla friend terk ( a very brash but funny rosie o ', donnell ) and clumsy elephant tantor ( wayne knight ) . of course  in any disney film we are given some kind of goofy sidekick or humorous chum for the hero . in tarzan  these characters fill that space rather inconspicuously . gags that were magnified in other family films are kept quite minor here . most of the characters are amusing without being forced . as tarzan grows to manhood  the suspected antagonist stumbles into the picture . here  the notorious bad guy is the big game hunter clayton ( brian blessed )  who ', s accompanying a hapless professor ( nigel hawthorne ) on an expedition through the jungle . of course  there ', s the professor ', s daughter  jane ( nicely vocalized by a cheerful minnie driver ) who will help supply the romantic quotient of the movie . the thing that blew my socks off about this version of tarzan is the stunning animation . directors chris buck and kevin lima have applied a breathtaking 3 - d element to the movement of the athletic title character  and the fast - paced editing is absolutely a marvel . as tarzan carries jane through the treetops  narrowly escaping a pack of nasty baboons  he slips and slides like a daredevil snow boarder or star surfer riding the big wave . your eyes can barely keep up ; it ', s a fantastic accomplishment . the subject matter here is also a notch or two above animation average . there are important questions raised about tarzan ', s place in the world  and all are handled exceptionally well by the screenwriters . there is no shred of doubt left to ponder afterward  which is a surprising plus that i wasn ', t expecting to find here . suffice to say  this film will have both adults and children thoroughly entertained . the grown - up tarzan is voiced by tony goldwyn  who made a name for himself as the ` big mean jerk ', from ghost . goldwyn is effective playing someone who ', s not aware of his world ', s dangers . glenn close is also memorable as his gorilla mother  and lance henriksen ( from tv ', s millennium ) is terrific as the silverback father unsure of how to accept the presence of a human child . as the movie ', s villain  there is nothing particularly special or catching about the character of clayton . it helps that brian blessed supplies his voice with game enthusiasm  but he is nothing compared to james woods ', hilarious hades from hercules . a burley guy with a big gun who just wants to capture the gorillas does not quite constitute for an all - together noticeable screen presence . still  this is one great thrill - ride that disney has constructed . i never expected rice burrough ', s work to be transformed so successfully from live action to animation  nor with so much emotional depth . parents  along with all the kiddies  are going to find much to like in tarzan .
pos warning : if you actually wish to see the film  stop reading this and see it . while i don ', t blow any plot details  the more you know about a movie  the more disappointing and built up it becomes ( waiting a month to see titanic did the same thing ) . but  in a nutshell  it ', s a good film . star wars episode i : the phantom menace reviewed by vince yim never having been the biggest star wars fanatic in the world ( i was more into star trek : the next generation )  it is difficult to relate to the mass fandom surrounding the latest installment  the phantom menace . however  it can ', t be ignored . endless toys lining the shelves  endless news reports  and a multi - billion dollar advertising campaign makes it all the more difficult . with the level of this hype  one would recall an overhyped disaster from 1998  godzilla  which definitely failed to live up to expectations . thankfully  the phantom menace does much  much better . while the " first " star wars trilogy told the story of jedi knight luke skywalker  the prequels backpedal to tell the back - story of obi wan kenobi and a young jedi named anakin skywalker ( who would become the father of luke and eventually become darth vader ) . without blowing too much of the story  the phantom menace evolves around a peaceful planet naboo  which is being held hostage by a greedy trade federation  and it ', s up to two jedi knights ( qui - gon ji  played by liam neeson and obi - wan kenobi  played by ewan mcgreggor ) to free it . the phantom menace has taken a literal beating from various film critics  leaving me to lower my expectations somewhat . common complaints range from lack of characterization  weak narrative  poor direction of actors  the dated style  and too much focus over special effects . still  film critics often apply much historical theory in regards to film criticism  much of which the average film buff does not care for . hence  this film is a lot of fun and definitely an improvement over the previous films ( even with the " improvements " in the special editions ) . there are many memorable sequences throughout the film  ranging from the fast and furious " pod race " sequence ( which is a take on the chariot races in " ben hur " ) and the many fight scenes involving legions of battle droids . utilizing technology that is light years beyond anything made before  special effects and computers are used to create everything from monsters to robots to amazing cityscapes with incredible detail . no matter how many times you watch this film  you will catch something new . the level of humour is a bit higher than the previous films as well  mostly conveyed through the reluctant hero jar jar binks  who belongs to a race known as the gungans . best described as an mr . bean from the planet naboo  he steals the show . unfortunately  being that he is a computer - generated character  tells a bit about the direction of the actors ( although natalie portman as the queen is pretty effective  as is jake lloyd as the young anakin skywalker ) . with star wars mania at an all time high  there is the risk that the film will disappoint ( i myself had my doubts )  which this film does have a tendency to do at times . there are a few logic problems with the plot  several things are left unchecked  and at times seems to be made only for diehard star wars fans ( although the appearance of the tusken raiders makes for more than a few laughs ) . that  and young anakin skywalker is a really annoying character  coming off as a smarmy  arrogant brat ( with such an attitude  it ', s no wonder why he turns to the dark side ) . still  it seems that many people  especially critics  are missing the point . the film is some of the most fun 2 and a half hours that you ', ll blow in your life  which is something i wouldn ', t mind doing again . while it may not have the psychological impact of an academy award contender  who really cares ? the film is pure fun from beginning to end . and isn ', t that what really matters ?
pos it shows that america remains ambivalent over the nature of its political system . no major surprise  when j . s . mill in his victorian classic on liberty could not make up his mind over liberal democracy either . the americans are wrought by the archetypal paradox under which they exist  the supreme contradiction between the right of the one and the right of the majority . small wonder that hollywood ', s most compelling movies have oft been on the struggle of the individual - underdog against some larger collective oppressive - witness braveheart  born on the fourth of july  rocky  first blood  clear and present danger  jfk  the list goes on . there ', s little of that in singapore - we are barred access to playboy and penthouse both on and off line  though the government ', s been long worried about the younger people getting " americanised " and advocating individual rights and parliamentary opposition . the people vs . larry flynt locates the political debate within the greatest social taboo in america - sex . does pornography have a right to exist and circulate ? larry flynt  the publisher of hustler magazine  thinks so  and obviously so too the u . s . congress which last month threw out a bill to curb pornography on the net . but even with such actions  americans remain undecided . the oscars apparently shunned the movie because it was an embarrassing and sensitive livewire . what they have ignored is actually a great picture . woody harrelson as the lead character reprises his role as a to - hell - with - morality  to - hell - with - the - law  and to - hell - with - the - system anti - christ that we last saw in natural born killers . and he is outrageous and convincing as a nihilistic atheist who nonetheless loves his ex - stripper wife dearly . the latter is played with abandon  conviction and sensitivity all at once by courtney love  who is the real star of the show and really snubbed of an academy award best actress nomination  if not of the award itself . edward norton plays their jerky lawyer . the relationship between harrelson and love brings out another great paradox - superficially they are immoral outcasts who ', ve had it coming ; woody gets shot and becomes paralysed from the waist down  and courtney dies of aids . god ', s damnation . but in the powerful love they have for each other  each standing by the other in turn  the two leads highlight the question how much is the nihilist still a moralist and ( in the american context ) a christian  if they can love and care  and feel just like anyone else on a personal level . friedrich nietzsche once talked about how the atheist must uncover for himself the full consequences of atheism by ridding himself of all moral - christian influences . to go beyond good and evil . this is a great picture  no doubt  and i love it personally . because it is moving  funny  ends with open american optimism blah blah . but i like it and admire it because it comes from a fine american tradition that dares to raise difficult questions  and call into doubt ideas and doctrines that otherwise are used as catchphrases . there are times when movies go beyond the story they tell and reflect something of hidden realities . this movie is not so much about larry flynt  but about americans and american society .
pos the ring is probably one of the creepiest movies i ', ve seen in years . but then again  i ', ve always had this phobia of asian born horror films . i remember when i was a kid i was scared as hell with those green faced  long - haired floating ghosts donning their white gowns \x05\x05 euuugh . the ring really brings back those memories and its grips me long after the movie has ended . unlike the horror films coming from the west  i ', m pretty much used to the gore and visual effects  so much so  they become rather bland nowadays . there ', s really no scary movie from the west for a long time . if you have something in mind  please tell me . this japanese flick is supposed to be based upon stories written by ` the stephen king of japan ',  which is also ( i heard ) televised over the air in japan . the film revolves around a mysterious videotape which will bring death for sure to the person who watches it  one week prior to viewing . a journalist and her husband  stupid enough  tests the so call ` urban legend ', and ends up having a week before she meets her doom . she and her husband then goes on a search for the origin of the videocassette  to get to the root of the whole curse with the hopes of freeing themselves . the ring plays on the senses like no other horror film today . visual subtlety  minimal music and an intriguing plot puts the audience within an aura of suspense throughout the entire film . very well done indeed  especially for a film that does not have a single trace of violence and gore . now  that \x12 s something budding horror film - maker wannabes should consider looking into . just an idea of how visually powerful the film is  it is in japanese and subtitled in chinese ; both of which  i can ', t understand at all ( ok  i had a friend who gave me a gist prior to watching  but he revealed very little ! ) . the twists in the plot  leading to an unforgettable climax ( will definitely leave an impression on the audience ) will have you at the edge of your seat .
pos deep rising is one of " those " movies . the kind of movie which serves no purpose except to entertain us . it does not ask us to think about important questions like life on other planets or the possibility that there is no god . . . screw that  it says boldly  let ', s see some computer generated monsters rip into  decapitate and generally cause irreparable booboos to a bunch of little known actors . heh ! them wacky monsters  gotta love ', em . of course  since we can rent about a thousand b movies with the same kind of story  hollywood must give that little extra " oumph " to get people in theaters . that is where deep rising fails  which is a good thing . confused ? let me explain : despite all them flashy effects and big explosions  deep rising is still  at heart  a good ', ol b movie . luckily  it ', s a very good b movie . the worst cliches in movie history are a b movie ', s bread and butter . therefore  things that would destroy a serious movie actually help us have a good time while watching a movie of lower calibre . of course we know there ', s a big slimy creature behind that door  that one person will wander off to be picked off by said monster and we always know which persons or person will make it out alive . we just don ', t know when or how horrible it will be . i went to see deep rising with my expections low and my tolerance for bad dialogue high . imagine my surprise when i discover that deep rising is actually  well  pretty darn funny at times . a funny b movie ? well  that ', s new . these flicks are not supposed to make us laugh . ( except for a few unintended laughs once a while . ) and before you know it  treat williams  wes studi and famke jansen appear on the big screen . hey ! i know them guys ( and gal ) from a couple of other movies . cool . familiar faces . so far so good . our man treat is the hero  he ', ll live . wes is a staple of b movies  he is the token victim . we know he ', ll buy the farm but he will take a few creeps with him on the way out . famke is the babe  ', nuff said . there is also a guy with glasses ( the guy with glasses always dies ) a black person ( b movie buffs know that the black guy always dies  never fails ) and a very funny  nerdy guy . ( ah ! comic relief . how can we possibly explain having to kill him . . . let him live . ) after the first fifteen minutes i felt right at home . i know who to root for and who i need to boo too and a gum to chew . ( please kill me . ) suffice it to say that for the next hour and a half i jumped out of my seat a few times  went " ewwww " about a dozen times and nearly had an orgasm over all the explosions and firepower our heroes were packing . i ', m a man  we nottice these things . all in all  i ', d recommend deep rising if you are looking for a good time and care to leave your brain at the door . . . but bring your sense of humor and excitement in with you . the acting is decent  the effects top rate . how to best describe it ? put together the jet ski scene from hard rain  the bug attacks from starship troopers  a couple of james bond like stunts and all those scenes from friday the thirteenth and freddy where you keep screaming " don ', t go there  he ', s behind you " and you end up with deep rising . for creepy crawly goodness  tight t - shirts  major firepower and the need to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes from seing all that water .
pos vampire films  as well as other horror films  are usually dumb and predictable b - movies  meant to scare us by cliches and simple shocks . it is therefore interesting to watch neil jordans recent film that is not only visually stunning  but has also a plot worth making movies about . based on anne rice ', s novel  " interview with a vampire " is a long  dark trip to hell . the film opens with gothic quire and dark streets of present - day san francisco . the camera slowly find particular window . a shape of a young man is visible in the darkness . " so you want me to tell you the story of my life ? " . the mysterious man is louis ( brad pitt )  a two - century old vampire  telling his story to a fascinated interviewer ( christian slater ) . his tale opens in 1791 louisiana  just south of new orleans  where louis falls victim to the vampire lestat ( tom cruise ) . given a choice between death and eternal life as one of the undead  louis chooses the latter  a decision he will forever regret . everlasting life and eternal youth  promised to him by lestat  turn instead into never ending suffering  damned to eternal hunger for blood and longing for peace . louis cannot kill with the impunity of lestat  but  to sate his hunger  he must feed  and the blood of animals is not enough . eventually  he pierces the neck of a grief - stricken young girl named claudia ( kirsten dunst )  whom lestat then curses with his unholy form of resurrection so that she can be a surrogate daughter to both himself and louis . for a while  they are one " big  happy family . " but all things end  and claudia ', s growing resentment of lestat fuels a bloody confrontation . when luis and claudia break loose from lestat  they travel to paris  where the euro - vamps santiago ( stephen rea ) and armand ( antonio banderas )  who introduced them to a bigger world of the damned . director neil jordan ( " the crying game " ) together with the talented director of cinematography philippe rousselot and composer elliot goldenthal has created an incredible atmosphere . as the film begins  there is an incredible palette of colors  beautiful sunrises  lush golden fields  green forests  inky - blue clouds and blending sun . when luis is " born to darkness "  everything suddenly changes to dark velvet  lit only by the silver moonlight . the beautiful production design by dante ferretti  wonderful costumes and art direction by malcolm middleton re - create the multiple historical periods in the film . from the renaissance new orleans and the beautiful rococo paris of the 18th century  to our present days . the casting is likewise good  involving some of the most famous and beautiful stars of hollywood  ireland and spain . the controversial casting of tom cruise as lestat is incredibly effective . cruise is energetic  sinister  charismatic  wild and bloodthirsty . cruise ', s lestat likes to seduce young women before exacting his dark red sustenance . with alarming swiftness  the victims switch from sexual excitement to outright horror  as his murderous purpose becomes clear . " . . . kill them mercifully  but do it . you are what you are . . for do not doubt  you are a killer ! " that is how lestat is teaching luis . but behind that furious facade is anger and loneliness that he carries through the centuries and tries to smother with nightly rampages . brad pitt is equally convincing as the " vampire with a human soul " . antonio banderas and stephen rea are effective  but since they play more or less secondary characters  their performances are almost invisible . the greatest performance in the film comes suprisingly from the young kristen dunst  who manages to create an incredibly emotional and believable character . the world is changing around the little child  but she does not . she remains unchangeable - a child for all eternity . only her wise  dark eyes reveal her age . ironically the film ', s only miss is the script . anne rice ', s novel is a very interesting read  and her script is rich  colorful and emotional  but it is also tiering and too melancholic  at times resembling a soap opera : claudia : " . . . . is that what i should do ? let you go . . my father  my luis  who made me . . . who will look after me  my dark angel  when you are gone ? " luis : " everything will be alright . . " claudia : " do you really believe that ? " and then they hug emotionally . moments like those displayed above and luis ', self - pity is a bit tiresome . however rice ', s script is otherwise strong and well structured  bringing up humor and comic episodes  that were more or less hidden in the book . when lestat finds claudia ', s dead dressmaker  whom she has killed  he cries out : " who will make you that dress now ? be a little practical . . . . never in the house ! " moments like that are both entertaining and appealing . neil jordan ', s direction is beautiful and sensual as he plays with interesting issues like eternity  homosexuality  love and loneliness . his gothic saga is not meant to scare  but to display these issues differently . wrapped up in mystery  his new  original picture brings vampire - films to a new height .
pos this has some major spoilers for the film  so be forwarned . the won ', t appear till later in the article  so you ', re safe for now . eyes wide shot ( 1999 ) running time : 2 hours 39 minutes 2 . 35 : 1 theatrical aspect starring : tom cruise ( dr . bill hardford )  nicole kidman ( alice hardford )  sidney pollack  leelee sobieski  todd field ( nick nightingale ) directed  co - written  produced by : stanley kubrick inspired by : " traumnovelle " by : arthur schnitzer this is an interesting film . i must first off state  that you musn ', t believe any of the rumors of the film . cruise is not a cross dresser  kidman doesn ', t shoot heroin  and there ', s not any scene between the two that would suggest that they were aided by a sex therapist . the look of the film is to suggest that it follows the translation of the inspired book from the film was written . the translation  " dream novel  " makes you thing that the film should have been titled dream film . there is a noticable amount of graininess to the film . rather than complain about it as some may and already have  see it as a style of shooting . i would gather that kubrick got on another lighting kick shooting this and shot with as much natural light as he could . this and the film looks like it was pushed another two stops to add more grain and brighten it slightly . as an auteur and stickler for details  kubrick seemed to be a bit lax on this one . the film looks great  but there are a good deal of bloopers / flubs that occur . you see lots of boom shots ( in reflection ) and you see the camera at least twice . 16 months for this ? wow . reflection is the biggest killer for this film . their apartment and almost everything in the film casts reflections and the crew can be seen in these  some quite glaringly . one more topic of heated discussion : i saw the " austin powers " version  and to be perfectly frank  unless you know where the overlays are supposed to be  you ', ll probably not see them . two girls standing next to each other look a little suspicious  but i can wait for the unrated version on video to see it the way it ', s supposed to be . spoilers below : the film itself starts with ( cruise ) bill and ( kidman ) alice getting ready for a little x - mas soiree . they go to a quite elegant party in what seems to be a storagehouse for lighting equipment  which is actually an apartment owned by pollack . bill runs into an old friend from medical school who is now the party ', s entertainment . soon after  bill and alice are flirting with others at the party  thinking that the other has not noticed . bill is called to help with a partygoer who has had a bit too much of a good time . the next day  bill and alice  casually smoking marijunana in their bedroom discuss the previous nights flirtations . they both discover that they both knew about the flirting . bill starts talking about what women can provide in a relationship  and gets alice extremely angry . in her hazy state  she tells of an opportunity she almost acted on to cheat on bill  not caring about the possible aftereffects . bill gets called away when one of his patients dies  and goes to console his daughter . when his patient ', s engaged daughter makes a plea for his love and affection  he is struck with images of an affair that never occured between his wife  alice and a naval officer . he sees " opportunity " as a betrayal to his wife  and before they can continue  they are interrupted . as he strolls home  he encounters a hooker . seeing another " opportunity " arise  he follows the hooker home . they toy around  but before the act ensues  alice calls his cell phone . he breaks the date with the hooker  and heads back out into the night . he passes a lounge and notices that his old medical school buddy is playing  so he heads in . when he meets the friend  the friend reveals that for extra scratch  he plays these strange parties  while blindfolded . bill is intrigued and wants to go to one . nick reluctantly sets him up with directions and a password . what follows this is a short meeting where bill obtains a costume for this party and meets a young girl  leelee sobieski  and her father . the young girl has drawn his eye  but her young age  and the prescence of her father deter this from happening . he gets to the party  which is to say the least  a strange affair . after partaking in some strange " religious " right  women and men pair off for the orgy to end all orgies . a woman warns bill in disguise  that he should leave before he is exposed as a fraud at the party . he is detained after a second warning  where he is outed for not being in the group . after getting home  he hides the evidence of his evenings events . unable to carry on in his day  he tries piece the events of the previous night together . in the process  he finds that nick has disappeared  his life is possibly in danger  and the woman that warned him has died . i ', m trying to save a bit of the film here  it ', s worth sitting through to get to this point . this is only about 100 minutes at this point . this is a strange film  because despite the events that occur  the film has a strong family message behind it . it will be hard to pidgeonhole this film as a certain kind of a film . it ', s got sex in it  it has nudity  drugs  and many more immoralistic values . but they all serve to show why they are bad in one ', s life . i recommend this film highly on many merits . cruise and kidman are rarely together for longer than 5 minutes after the opening scene  and the secrecy that shrouded the film should hopefully be apparent as to why it was kept once you see it for yourself .
pos one fun activity for parents during the holidays is to suggest an old film and see if they can interest their kids . although black - and - white films are frequently viewed as suspect  ones in color are greeted with more of an open mind . and if you can find a colorful action film  even if it is from six decades ago  then there is a real possibility of a take home hit . so it was in our family when we wandered over to the classic section of our local video store the other day and picked up a copy of the adventures of robin hood  a high spirited version of the walter scott story . nominated for the 1938 academy award for best picture and winner of three oscars for erich wolfgang korngold ', s melodramatic music  ralph dawson ', s fast paced editing and carl jules weyl ', s lush sets  the film is probably best remembered for errol flynn ', s charismatic acting as sir robin of locksley  a . k . a . robin hood . flynn  with his handsome figure and toothy smile  charms the audience while clearly having a high old time himself . let me cut to the chase and say that the tape was indeed popular in the rhodes household . the littlest rhodes  jeffrey  age 8  liked it so much that he viewed it at least three times and maybe more . i ', ll let him discuss his fascination with the picture in his usual section at the end of the review . simply stated  the film derives its success from being one of the best of its genre  the swashbuckler . robin  with a smile from ear - to - ear  fights off a hundred men without a scratch . although the picture can be considered as little more than a 1930 ', s james bond  the production values and the acting raise it above that level . robin hood is a classic story of rich and poor . robin steals from the rich and gives to the poor as every schoolchild knows . in this movie  however  he seems much less interested in income redistribution than in fighting for his king and country . robin  with his courage and athletic skills  serves as a role model for kids . and with the lovely olivia de havilland playing the dreamy - eyed lady marian fitzswalter  the story has heavy romantic overtones . filmed in the typical  richly oversaturated colors produced by early technicolor  the flesh tones are overly pink and there few color subtleties  which match perfectly the wonderfully exaggerated acting of the players . in scene after scene the picture charms the audience . who wouldn ', t fall for robin as he shows up incognito to win the archery contest  even if the outcome is so clearly preordained . and  of course  he doesn ', t just win  he does so by splitting the other man ', s arrow . watching the picture today does provide some jarring moments . sherlock holmes as the villain  sir guy of gisbourne  for example  just doesn ', t seem right  even if basil rathbone did have a real - life identity outside of his most famous role . and then there are those wigs from the makeup department -- so bad  they look like rejects from a mel brooks comedy . as was popular in the cinema of that era  people die with the most gentle prick of the sword and without any nasty  bloody holes to spoil the wardrobe or the looks . bad guys are banished rather than killed  and lovers go off hand - in - hand  doing nothing more explicitly sexual than kissing . the result is a wonderful fairy tale of a movie with delightful  cartoonish figures . hollywood rarely makes such high quality family films like this anymore  so try to savor the old ones when you can . the adventures of robin hood runs 1 : 42 . it is not rated  but containing absolutely nothing offensive  it would get a g rating and is fine for all ages . jeffrey thinks the film is " great " and gives it * * * * . he recommends the movie particularly for people who do not likely bloody pictures -- he hates the sight of blood in movies . his favorite parts are the battles and the ending  and his favorite characters are robin and king richard ( ian hunter ) .
pos swashbuckling adventure that can be enjoyed by both children and adults . steven spielberg may not have directed ( he only executive produced ) but his touch certainly is evident in this movie . and he knows a money making winner when he sees one . the mask of zorro has the hallmarks of a blockbuster : big action  funny comedy  and the pacing of a rollercoaster . hopkins plays don diego de la vega  otherwise known as zorro . a fighter for the people  he is eventually captured by don rafael montero ( stuart wilson )  who also  unintentionally  kills his wife . the film cuts to twenty years later  where vega still wants to montero dead . however  he ', s far too old now  and trains up thief alejandro murrieta ( banderas ) to become the new zorro . banderas motive ? to avenge the death of his brother  who was killed at the hands of captain love ( matthew letscher ) who rather tastefully keeps the head in a jar  in one of the more graphic scenes in this family movie . with the scene set  the movie goes on full blast  with sword fights a - plenty and witty one liners . banderas and hopkins have a marvellous chemistry as the two zorro ', s  playing each other off with ease . hopkins seems to come off a little better  but banderas does some excellent work . as the bad guys  wilson and letscher seem one dimensional  but they go through the bad guy shtick in an above average way . the audience does hate them  which can ', t be bad . catherine zeta - jones also pops up as hopkins daughter  and although she provides little more than the usual female lead  she delivers a charming  but one note  performance . the chemistry is excellent between banderas and jones . there ', s a delightful little scene where banderas and jones have a sword fight  and every swipe an item of clothing gets slashed  until jones clothes fall off all together . the director  fresh from the enjoyable goldeneye ( 1995 ) handles the film perfectly . the action is well done and fast paced  the comedy put across well . the cast help a lot  but the direction is still outstanding . although the film is very long  the plot keeps chugging along  and there ', s barely a dull moment . however  the film is a little over indulgent  and it could have been trimmed . it manages to hold the attention  thankfully  and the adventure and charm holds right up to the last reel . screenwriters john eskow  ted elliot and terry rosio have unfortunately written an cliched and one dimensional script . although they ', ve bought zorro up to date with big explosions and wild action  the plot itself is barely existent . there ', s lots of little sub plots hanging around  but there ', s nothing substantial to bring them all together . the main story seems to be the fact that rafael wants to ', buy ', california using gold stolen from the guy he ', s buying the land off . this sets up for a temple of doom type plot where we see peasants slave driven into getting the gold from little mines . however  this doesn ', t seem to appear until nearly over a hour into the film  so the film is never quite sure where it ', s going . in the end however  zorro provides action and comedy in spades . it suitable for everyone  so put the guilt behind  and put some more money into spielbergs bank account . you won ', t regret it .
pos " rebel without a cause " is such an important film in american history because it is a true analysis of youth in america that everyone of all ages can relate to . everyone feels that they are different in some way  that they don ', t belong in some places and " rebel without a cause " successfully shows on screen these universal emotions . no matter what generation you belong to  these feelings are present . this is why james dean is admired by america  because in this film he represents us all and his actions are actions that we would also execute . in our minds  we just try to do the right thing just like dean ', s jim stark does . not only does " rebel without a cause " display these universal emotions for all to relate to but it also shows that america has suffered a uniqe pattern in its social structure . each generation looks at its past generation without a strong connection . this is because times change and in response people change . no matter how popular you were once  as your generation grows older  newer breeds look at you in a different light . this is why stark and his friends never could form a strong relationship with their parents . even if their parents insisted that they were also rebellious and troublesome in the past  the teens could not believe this . in one humorous scene  stark  his girlfriend judy ( natalie wood )  and his pal plato ( sal mineo ) pretend they are adults . they use upper class british accents and in their conversations they make it out to appear that kids are no good and should be ignored . this scene shows that what was once cool in a past generation is the complete opposite in another . speaking on behalf of my generation  i feel that dean has lost a lot of his coolness from our perspective as the years have grown by . the only ones who seem to still lionize him are those members of his generation . same goes for brando  redford  even deniro . i can only imagine how vaguely matt damon  ben affleck  and brad pitt will be viewed at the mid point of the twenty first century . will dean even be remembered when these newcomers are forgotten ? any film that sparks this kind of thought is certainly a milestone in american film . even if " rebel without a cause " has some ridiculous scenes ( the game of chicken - did people really act this way ? )  an unbelievable conclusion ( how did everyone end up at the abandoned mansion at the end ? )  and a silly romance ( wood declares her love for dean after talking to him for a couple hours ) it still is a fabulous film . the acting is so believable that it is no wonder that dean was considered the epitome of cool . now  however  the coolness is fading . . .
pos david mamet has long been my favorite screenwriter and director . with his distinctive  more often than not ingenious dialogue  and his laid back style of direction nearly all of his movies are absolutely irresistible . some of them tend to be thickly layered  deceptive productions that require the audience to look at the film in a less superficial manner than the plot seems to require in order to discern its concealed message  or sometimes even a concealed storyline . and although the real plot in his new project the winslow boy is slightly more conspicuous than in some of his other endeavors  it is still a brilliantly complex  consistently riveting motion picture about honor  about sacrifice  and about the difference between what is commonly known as justice and what is right . oh  and it ', s rated g . incidentally  this is the first time that mamet has decided to adapt someone else ', s work ; namely a play by terrence rattigan  set in the 19th century . he casts nigel hawthorne in the lead role as arthur winslow  a rich  aging man who finds out that his 14 year old son ronnie has been kicked out of the naval academy for allegedly stealing a 5 shilling postal note . " did you do it ? " he asks his boy . " no father  i didn ', t  " ronnie answers . that ', s enough for arthur  who  with his oldest daughter ( rebecca pidgeon )  immediately starts a crusade to bring his son ', s case to court . they enlist the help of sir robert morton  a notorious attorney to help them achieve that formidably daunting task . it all seems fairly frivolous  and no matter how you look at it  the winslow case is not the trial of the century . but arthur is determined to keep his family ', s word clean and he is willing to go quite far to make sure of that . soon enough  sir robert morton along with the rest of the country becomes equally wrapped up in the proceedings . so do we . all david mamet does for the script is tighten and hone the dialogue  but his style is still fairly apparent . the characters still talk in his trademark staccatto lines and there is still tension present in conversations that no ordinary writer would be able to make tense . but this is not mamet ', s norm  and it ', s refreshing to see mamet deviate from his world of crooks  gangsters as con men  wonderful as those films were . nigel hawthorne ', s performance is nearly flawless . his delivery is that of a dignified yet not pompous man who seems to be getting beaten at his own game . we pity the man  but we also like him . rebecca pidgeon  david mamet ', s wife  who gave a fairly awful performance in the spanish prisoner is at the top of her game here as arthur ', s oldest daughter  a flailing feminist who gives her all to the winslow case as a way for making up for her lack of success in the women ', s suffrage movement . the winslow boy is a wonderful movie that avoids cliches such as a seemingly inevitable courtroom scene and shoots higher -- it wants to make a real impact rather than a phony one . be honest : did you feel anything profound at or after the courtroom scenes in films like a time to kill ? if you wanted to but didn ', t  this is a movie for you . it is the epitome of subtlety : it ', s powerful without being too emotional  sad without even trying to be depressing . david mamet can churn out some great scripts  but in this movie he proves to those who ever doubted it once and for all that he is a hell of a director too . he is almost a national treasure . his films deserve their own genre . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
pos catherine deane ( jennifer lopez ) is a psychologist who has been hired to participate in a project where she can enter the minds of comatose victims and try to interact with their subconscious in an attempt to wake them up . she has been experiencing moderate success with a young boy in a coma  but the boy ', s parents aren ', t happy with the apparent lack of progress and the toll of her job is having adverse affects on her regular life . as if trying to assure the boy ', s parents wasn ', t hard enough on her  a new development arises that furthers the strain on deane ', s mental faculties . a vicious serial killer named carl stargher ( vincent d ', onofrio ) has been kidnapping women  locking them in an automated cell that drowns them slowly in a matter of days  then soaking the corpses in bleach to turn them into life - sized dolls . just after kidnapping his latest victim and locking her in the cell  stargher has a traumatic experience that triggers a schizophrenic virus in his brain and causes him to sink in an eternal catatonia . the police  led by fbi agent peter novak ( vince vaughn ) are able to locate stargher by some clues he left while dumping his previous victim ', s body  but they feel all hope is lost for his current victim due to his vegetative state . in a last ditch attempt  they ask deane and the scientists that created the project to undergo the frightening task of entering stargher ', s mind to try and find the location of the victim locked in the deadly cell . . . a cell which will completely fill with water in the next 40 hours ! initial reports about this film described it as a cross between the silence of the lambs and the matrix . while it does share some characteristics with both films ( particularly the first forty minutes  which seem almost like a condensed version of lambs )  the cell also seems to contain elements of dreamscape and brainstorm . the buzz around this project is that first - time feature film director tarsem singh ( who won many awards for his video of r . e . m . ', s " losing my religion " ) wanted a script that he could fashion images out of instead of a cohesive story  and a good portion of this film supports that theory . despite the borrowed elements from the aforementioned films and a script that contains several logically questionable moments  the cell does feature some remarkable imagery . all of the sequences where we delve into someone ', s mind are incredibly beautiful ( including the dank mind of stargher  whose thoughts are reminiscent of an h . r . giger painting come to life mixed with a tool music video )  proving that singh is as adept at filming strange and wonderful images as his acclaim would lead us to believe . the first sequence that takes place in stargher ', s mind is by far the best  featuring one of the most ingenious traps i ', ve ever seen in a film ( involving a horse  which no one seeing this film will probably forget )  a zoo - like display of stargher ', s victims which are animated like marionettes  and stargher himself in a giant purple cape that spans the walls of his mental throne room . if the film had continued within this dirty monstrous world i would have deemed the film brilliant  but alas  the sequences only become more silly as they go along ( despite a painful nipple ring removal later in the film ) . the cast is basically just an excuse for there to be some moderate plot semblance during the parade of images  but at least vincent d ', onofrio turns in his usual bizarre and psychotic performance ( magnified by ten  thanks to the environment in which the film has been placed ) . in my opinion  d ', onofrio was one of the best creepy actors i have ever seen in a film  but his film choices as of late have been so completely awful ( i . e . - the newton boys  feeling minnesota  the thirteenth floor  and the velocity of gary ) that i have begun to rethink my initial assessment of him . the character of stargher is an excellent role for him though  and will probably lead to a bit of typecasting for him . detractors of violence and disturbing images will want to stay far away from this film  as it contains heavy doses of both . besides the nipple ring removal i mention above  there is also stargher ', s penchant for hanging suspended off of the floor by the rings that pierce his back and legs ( prior to his catatonia and capture ) which will have audiences recoiling . a sequence where catherine enters stargher ', s mind and finds him recreating the disemboweling of his first victim is also pretty disquieting . one moment also features a character having his intestines slowly removed from his body by an old fashioned hand cranked spit - like device . as a narrative film  the cell is sorely lacking . as a collection of images though  the cell is extremely well done . although the latter sequences in the film contain fewer disturbing imagery than the first half  singh has done what he supposedly set out to do : make a film solely for the purpose of stringing some remarkable images together . unfortunately  a well - written script should have been considered too  because without it the cell just seems like any other music video we could see on mtv ( provided  of course  that mtv allowed for the use of graphic violence and language in music videos ) .
pos when casting the key part of the voice of moses  most people ', s first candidate would probably not be the controversial actor val kilmer ( the saint and the island of dr . moreau )  but he was dreamworks ', s choice in their first traditionally animated movie  the prince of egypt . the selection of kilmer proved to be a wise one  but the biggest risk dreamworks took wasn ', t in the casting department . the radical departure was that they decided to use the medium of animation to make a biblical epic  a la cecil b . demille  to move our hearts and minds rather than to tickle our funny bones . in the press kit producer penney cox says that they wanted to make a film for adults based on sophisticated themes but one that did not exclude children . animated movies for adults that are appropriate for kids and that are not comedies  now that is something fresh . let me admit up - front that i was quite skeptical as to whether dreamworks could pull it off . dreamworks ', s antz seemed to be a movie not quite appropriate for any age group . the prince of egypt may be harder to market than antz  but it is much more satisfying . like antz and unlike the more modest casting of pixar ', s a bug ', s life  the prince of egpyt has half of hollywood doing the voices . danny glover is the voice of jethro  jeff goldblum of aaron  steve martin of hotep  helen mirren of the queen  michelle pfeiffer of tzipporah  martin short of huy and patrick stewart of seti . you can figure out for yourself who does the voice of god . the movie  which is weakest in the story department  is a cliff ', s notes version of demille ', s the ten commandments . the script by kelly asbury and lorna cook has an obsession with touching briefly on every classic event in moses ', s life . demille took over three and a half hours in order to do it justice . at less than half of that  the prince of egypt rushes through so much material that it doesn ', t establish sufficient depth for us to bond with the characters . we meet moses when the queen finds him floating in his little basket . we watch him grow up and become best bud and a chariot racing partner to ramses ( ralph fiennes )  the future pharaoh . moses is a free spirit and a practical joker until he finds out his true identity as a jew . ( " all i ', ve ever known to be true is a lie  " moses complains . ) after finding out his real identity  he sees for the first time the oppression of the jewish slaves that are all around him . after leaving egypt  moses comes back to ask ramses to let moses ', s people go . this leads to the classic scene of the parting of the red sea  which is one of many places where computers were used to enhance the traditionally hand - drawn animation of the most of the production . it is the absolutely stunning visuals that make the movie so compelling . drawn with a rich palette of luxurious roses  blues and golds  the picture looks sumptuous from its first frame to its last . the construction of the temple is shown in blowing dust  and other scenes are shot with the glow of a rising sun . the most original visual sequence in the film occurs during a dream moses has . done with an explicit two - dimensional look  the colorful images painted on the temple walls come to life to tell their own animated story . even though it has its weaknesses  the prince of egypt is a noble attempt to carve out a new genre -- serious animated movies for adults that are acceptable for the entire family . this awe - inspiring movie deserves to be seen . the prince of egypt runs about 1 : 30 . it is rated pg for thematic elements and would be fine for the whole family . how old a kid would need to be to be interested depends on the child  but those over 8 will probably like it .
pos " . . it ', s certainly more than just a monster story . . " - kenneth branagh  director / actor / co - writer of mary shelley ', s frankenstein . kenneth branagh ', s new motion picture had to compete with all the previous frankenstein - films made throughout the years in almost every part of the world  including the most controversial version of them all - directed by james whale . the dark and stormy nights  the lightning bolts  the charnel houses of spare body parts  the laboratory where victor frankenstein stirs his steaming cauldron of life are effectful . but the center of the film  quieter and more thoughtful  contains the real story . horror - fans will probably be disappointed by the total lack of horror . branagh has instead concentrated on serious issues : morality  philosophy and human elements of the story  and not on old fashioned horror cliches . his version is much closer to the book than all the previous adaptions of the classic novel . the film begins and ends somewhere in the arctic ocean . the year is 1794 . a bold captain is steering his ship through the unknown waters . his gole is to reach the north pole at all costs . as the ice closes around his ship  a figure appears on the horizon . it ', s a man . exhausted and on the brink of death he approaches the frightening crew . his name is victor frankenstein ( kenneth branagh ) and his story is so terrifying that it will scare everyone from venturing into the unknown . the myserious stranger begins his tale  or more precisely his confession  in geneva  1773 . he is remembering his childhood and youth . laughter  banquets and parties - a happy life  without troubles or concerns . here victor lived with his father ( ian holm )  mother ( cherie lunghi )  his surrogate sister ( helena boham carter ) and his servants in happiness and harmony . this idyllic lifestyle is suddenly changed . like thunder from a quite sky  his mother dies  giving birth to his youngest brother . shocked  baffled and then gradually changed by grief and despair  victor ( already interested in science ) becomes obsessed with death . standing on his mother ', s grave he says : " oh mother . . you did not have to die . . . no one should ever die . . . i will stop this . . i promiss . . " after proposing marridge to his surrogate sister and promising to return as soon as his studies are finished  victor travels to ingolstadt  in presuite of a medical career . after a while his obsession totally overtakes him as he is working day and night  creating life from death . composing dead bodies  frankenstein wanted to create the perfect man - both physically and mentally . with strong electrical impulses  he managed to breeth life into his creation . the result was ugliness . realizing what he has done  frankenstein tried to undo his work  but it was to late . the creature has escaped . because of the epidemic  frankenstein hoped that his creation has died and returned to his home  making plans for the wedding . for a while everything is as it was before his mother ', s death . but then one by one his loved once are dying mysteriously . . . whale ', s picture  although powerful  never managed to capture the total depth of the novel . brannagh has more or less done that . another thing is characters and actors . branagh has developed every character and assembled a magnificent cast . the greatest performances comes from de niro - the monster  that has been played by ( among others ) charles ogle  karloff  lon chaney  bela lugosi  glenn strange  christopher lee  fred gwynne ( as herman munster )  and now  robert de niro . alone  hated and feared  he is completely aware of his ugliness . at first he is like a helpless  abandoned child  desperately reaching out for love . later when he reads frankenstein ', s journal  and learns that he is composed of dead bodies  his love turns into rage as he is seeking revenge . he is capable of killing without regret . " i took him by the throughout and lifted him off the ground . . . . and then i slowly crushed his neck . . . and as i killed him  i saw your face . . " that is how he reveals his savage nature to his creator . and yet  he is never quite evil in our eyes and his vaulerbility and his loneliness are palpable : " for the sympathy of one living being i would make peace with all . " rarely has a cinematic interpretation of " the daemon " approached the level of three - dimensionality and humanity with which it is portrayed in the novel . another vital thing is the character of victor frankenstein . in most of the previous adaptions he was simply a mad scientist that trolls the graveyards for corpses and then creates a monster ( god knows why ! ) with the power of an electrical storm . almost no time was granted on his charecter  who is the most important and vital charecter in the novel . here  branagh introduces the character of victor frankenstein  establishes his obsession with the very nature of life and death  sets up the intellectual and ideological conflict between victor and the academic establishment  and somehow manages to build up to a rousing and horrifying creation scene . branagh plays frankenstein with a remarkable understanding of his character . on the outside he is strong  ambitious and talented scientist  but deep down he is unsecure  fragile and vaulerble  constantly haunted by the ghosts from his past . helen boham carter is equally wonderful as frankenstein ', s surrogate sister  who at the end becomes his wife for a little while  before death drives them apart . the rest of the cast  playing secondary characters  is solid and nothing less than convincing . visually the film is stunning ( especially the makeup ) . the spinning camera  the constantly building - up musical acore  the art direction  the production design  the costumes are all magnificent : from the arctic ocean to the swiss alps and dark forests  to the plague - riddled streets of ingolstadt  mary shelley ', s frankenstein is a wonder to behold . kenneth branagh directs his film as if the script was written by shakespeare : " . . all i once loved lies in a shallow grave . . . . by my hand . . " . and the film ends exacly as hamlet  when the creature sets both his and his creator ', s body on fire . the film ends with frankenstein and his creation burning in the almost hellish fire in the darkness . and a terrifying last close - up on the creature ', s smiling face . can a man create life  then abandon his creation because its appearance horrifies him ? to whom are its actions then attributable : the creature or the being who brought about its existence ? shelley did not answer these questions  but she certainly posed them . following her example  branagh does the same . his film is a tragic saga about playing god . victor frankenstein is not an evil man . he wanted to change the world to the better . in this he represents everything science stands for : acting without doubts  never considering the consequences of his actions . produced by francis ford coppola  frankenstein resembles in some respects coppolas previous film " dracula " . in comparison  i can say that " dracula " has visuals that even " frankenstein " can not live up to . but when it comes to story  characters and casting  " frankenstein " is stronger . but stronger than both of them  on every aspect  is neil jordan ', s " interview with the vampire " . although the film is not perfect ( the camera that simply refuses to stay still and the occasionally pushy score are at times more tiering than effective )  these minor faults are easily forgivable  as the picture is otherwise captivating and stimulating . branagh has probably created one of the best ( if not the best ) adaptions of shelly ', s classic novel .
pos " love is the devil " is a challenging film  munundating its audience with wild imagery and a plot structure that disallows a plot  perhaps in an attempt to get us to know the artist ', s psyche rather than the artist ', s lifeline . watching it  i was enthralled with the look of the film  the way the director shot everything like it was looking through a bizarre  personalized filter . everything looks like it is not how life looks like but how painter francis bacon  the film ', s subject  looked at it personally . but while i was engrossed  i stumbled upon my thoughts halfway through the film  awakened from my trance by some inner distraction  and began to try and follow what ', s going on . exactly what was i looking at ? watching this film  i wasn ', t sure if it was the most insightful film i had ever seen or the most vacuous . directed ( and written ) by john maybury  " love is the devil " is stylish masterpiece for the senses . everything looks originally bizarre and perplexing . the camera angles are ferociously askew  and the close - ups are uncomfortably too close . the editing is deft  occasionally cutting away to something bizarre every couple seconds  but other times holding on a shot for so long that you wonder if the audience is not supposed to be voyeurs  or rather  intruders to bacon ', s world and psyche . as such  there is no real story . i ', ve not heard much about francis bacon that i didn ', t read prior to the film  but what i learned was this : he was a painter in england who reached his peak during the 60s and 70s  drawing hideously bizarre drawings of carnage and the like . he was one of the first to really come out of the closet  and in interviews  he was notoriously drunk yet incredibly witty . as played by great shakesperean actor derek jacobi  he ', s like a foppish and self - absorbed cross between oscar wilde and nero . he lives life the way he wants to live it  to the disatisfaction of those who have the privelege of being really close to him . it ', s as if he were taking delight in the destruction of others and maybe himself ( " champagne for my real friends  and pain for my sham friends  " he says one night at the bar he frequents ) . " love is the devil " chronicles the latter part of his life . bacon  well - known in his mid - life  awakens one night when he hears a man tumble through his ceiling window and land on the floor . he walks in  unafraid of what he finds  and discovers a thief  george dyer ( daniel craig ) . bacon gives him an offer : if he spends the night with him  he can take anything he wants in the morning . george agrees to this  and off to bed he goes  but ends up staying with him  for whatever reason . the film shows their lives together  at least in reference to one another . while creating bacon ', s world of friends ( like " high art  " this film minors in showing a certain group of people who radiate a connection that is not shown but is understood )  the film shows the relationship of bacon and george as it remains rather stagnant . bacon is haughty and bizarre ; george is simple and doesn ', t understand bacon in the least  especially not his paintings . while watching this  that ', s basically all i thought was there . the film has a hypnotic feel  free of any restraints of form  and is shot so uniquely that i felt my attention was almost entirely on the way this film was made rather than what it is about . once the film is over  it ', s easier to piece it together . i kept on thinking about this film  wondering what the point to all of it was . someone doesn ', t merely make a film of all style and no substance at all  and if they do  they do it by accident  but still allow some substance to creep in . thinking about it  i remembered how the two fed off of eachother . i thought about how bacon was a masochist  in love with cruelty ( in one scene  he watches a boxing match with a orgiastic delight  and lets out a squeal of pleasure when blood from the one boxer ', s head splashes across his face ; in another scene  he masturbates to the odessa steps sequence of eisenstein ', s " battleship potemkin " )  and perhaps he drove george too far in his delight for pain . he drove him over the edge  and for him that was love  even if it wasn ', t for george . i guess that explains the title . a bit . that ', s great and all  but i almost wish the film was devoid of any meaning . i wish it hadn ', t reduced itself to making some point about humanity  about how love is the most selfish thing in the world ( and it is  if you look at it a certain way ) . or maybe if it had avoided any meaning about humanity and merely drove itself into being the one film that was truly inside one man ', s twisted pysche . it ', s almost always best to obtain insights from looking at one man ', s uniqueness than it is forcing universality down an audience ', s throat . that way you don ', t reduce your film to something it ', s just not . i can ', t say i totally enjoyed " love is the devil  " though . despite all of the things i respect about this movie  it ', s still rather uncomfortable to sit through . even at a normally trite length of ninety minutes  the film still seems like an arduous task to sit through  especially after an exhausting first hour . though hypnotic  it still almost seems gimmicky and even redundant at times  as if it were taking advantage of one man ', s truly bizarre nature but not doing anything deeper with it . as such  i respect the way the film looks . it ', s beautiful and painstakingly crafted so that  along with " what dreams may come " and " dark city  " it ', s the year ', s most visually stunning film . in fact  if a better script had been forged  i ', d almost compare it in visual power to a peter greenaway film  complete with similar haunting images that stick in the mind forever . and with a dymanite performance by derek jacobi  it has the comic and distanced tone that it needs . i just wish it had been more than mostly style and just a hair bit of substance . then i would have had something to hold me over even now .
pos a costume drama set in the 1500s  england  elizabeth is a lush  romantic  political masterpiece about the upset over the crossing of a protestant queen from a respected catholic one . when the court and country are a whole after the passing of the queens  the royal family  so to speak  are upset that a protestant should be crowened  and not another catholic  plus  the new queen  elizabeth i ( cate blanchette )  was the bastard baby of the previous queen mary ', s father . the persecution over catholics and protestants isn ', t the only majority in elizabeth . elizabeth i must face the decision to give up personal pleasures  and her lover ( joseph fiennes of shakespeare in love )  in order to rule  successfully  the country  which she did for 40 more years . both elizabeth and shakespeare in love are set in the elizabethian era  and both feature a queen elizabeth i ( judi dench plays her in love )  or course . yet  i found elizabeth more stimulating and involving than love  not just because elizabeth features a great deal more of elizabeth i  but because i found blanchette a more powerful  hypnotic sense for the role . elizabeth  also featuring geoffrey rush and richard attenborough  is my pick for the best picture of 1998 award . it ', s a dynamic  important  breathtaking film of loyalty  power  greed  and trust . shakespeare would die for the book rights .
pos jay and silent bob strike back can rightfully be subtitled " kevin smith ', s greatest hits " for the film is comprised of numerous references and characters from smith ', s earlier works including  clerks  mall rats . chasing amy and dogma . so  be advised : bone up on that cinematic quartet in order to achieve the maximum enjoyment from smith ', s latest outing . kevin smith must be a very likable person because several good sports took a ton of kidding in this feature  most notably miramax  the studio whose subsidiary  dimension films  is jay and silent bob ', s distributor . others deserving accolades include ben affleck  matt damon  directors gus van zant and wes craven and the mighty george lucas . this is a laugh - filled  foul - mouthed road film with jay ( jason mewes ) and silent bob ( smith ) hitching to hollywood to sabotage miramax ', s production of bluntman and chronic  comic book characters based on the two jersey slackers . jay ', s convoluted reasoning is that if the film is shut down  people on the internet will stop insulting him and bob  even though it is not him and bob the people are dissing  but rather their comic book counterparts . no matter  the duo begin their long trek hitching rides across the country . but first they get some tips from a veteran hitchhiker  played by george carlin  who tells them to follow " the book " - the rules of the road . of course jay ', s interpretation immediately gets the duo in trouble with a friendly nun ( carrie fisher ) who offers them a ride . jay and silent bob contains enough laughs that the movie ', s weaker aspects - which include a lame subplot about a girl gang of diamond thieves as well as a buffoonish federal park ranger played by will ferrell - can be easily tolerated . really  how can you not laugh at a film in which our heroes are picked up by the mystery van  and jay has a pot - induced hallucination concerning velma and daphne . the movie ', s highlight  though  is near the finale . in hollywood  jay and silent bob sneak onto the miramax lot where they crash the set and are mistaken for extras of the latest affleck - damon picture  good will hunting 2 : hunting season . here we are privy to a hilarious conversation between affleck and damon in which the two put down each other ', s careers and film choices . and the laughs continue to grow . next up is jason ( american pie ) biggs and james ( dawson ', s creek ) van der beek  the actors chosen to portray bluntman and chronic . the pair mistake jay and silent bob for their stunt doubles . finally  comes a star wars homage featuring one of the stars of that legendary feature . this bit will leave you howling . smith ', s obvious affection for pop culture icons is evident in the way he shoots these scenes and handles his performers . he allows them to play it all tongue - in - cheek . their fun comes through the screen to the audience . it is too bad that this is jay and silent bob ', s swan song . the characters have grown since their supporting role debuts in clerks . but smith realizes that times have changed  and he doesn ', t want his creations to overstay their welcome . so smith has provided them with just the right kind of exit  saving the best for last . goodbye jay and silent bob . at least you ', re going out with a blast .
pos a sci fi / comedy starring jack nicholson  pierce brosnan  annette benning  glenn close  martin short and other stars . a warner bros picture the martians have landed in this hillarous tim burton movie . before entering the cinema  i was initially a little bit nervous about what this film would be like . many people were saying that this film was silly rubbish  and there was no point to it all . how wrong they were . i left this film feeling much happier than i was before i entered the cinema . the story is about martians attacking earth . using ray guns ( hooray ! ) they generally cause havoc around the u . s and other countries . nicholson plays the president who must try to stop invasion  and also taking advice from his loopy officials . but  basically  its a load of set pieces showing the martians destroying earth . the way people are killed by the ray guns is great  they is a hillarous ( and mildly disturbing scene ) involving a martian lady  a mad general who just wants to nuke the aliens away  ( and ends up getting squashed by an aliens foot ) and a gory finale involving lots of alien heads exploding . but  most of all  this film is fun . the martians are full of character  the performances are spot on  and the all star cast help make the film more enjoyable . the film is a million times better then the dire independance day  and is a real tribute to the tacky ', 50s invasion movies . they are is a great score by danny elfman  and lots of laughs . this has to be the best invasion i ', ve seen for a long time .
pos let ', s face it : the $ 100 million - plus smash that was " goldeneye " was not a good film by any means  and as a bond movie was only marginally better than  say  " a view to a kill " or either of the timothy dalton pictures  by virtue of nice pacing . but it did revive the series  and granted the producers some new directions in which to take the it ( ie . the new " m " is a woman ) . " tomorrow never dies " is the picture " goldeneye " should have been ; it ', s also the most entertaining bond outing since " the spy who loved me " . the new picture opens with china considering war with britain after a standard military operation is misconstrued as a hostile threat from an english submarine . as an attack occurs  the front - page headline is already being prepared  courtesy of carver media . carver ( pryce ) the man is a deluded magnate  a sort of hybrid of ted turner  bill gates  and peter sellars ', german scientist from " dr . strangelove " ( physically  pryce even recalls sellars in his kubrick days ) . it ', s up to james bond to take him down  with assistance  of course  from a wealth of gadgets ( including a multi - purpose cell phone )  and beautiful women . enter michelle yeoh  fresh from " supercop "  as a chinese secret agent with her own agenda ; with effortless grace  she cat burgles  dispatches baddies seemingly with the ease of preparing pasta  and refuses the advances of our philandering hero . they make a great team . " tomorrow never dies " is a surprisingly entertaining and efficient film  given that at the helm is none other than the director of " turner & hooch " . spottiswoode has crafted some breathtaking set pieces  each much more intricate and impressive than  for instance  the tank scene in " goldeneye " . moreover  brosnan has at last settled into the role some feel he was born to play ; last time out  the fate of the franchise rested on his shoulders  and there was noticeable discomfort in his body language . returned in brosnan ', s eyes has some of the playfulness he demonstrated for so many years on tv ', s " remington steele "  as has his deadpan wit . and though carver ', s motives are muddy ( when carver explains that " genius is insanity with some success "  screenwriter fierstein is taking a lazy shortcut )  pryce makes an agreeable  memorable villain . in the future  they should pursue actors as talented and experienced as pryce to breathe life into these cardboard figures . there a few too many explosions in " tomorrow never dies "  perhaps so many they qualify as dialogue . and it could have used a sharper script  though i was amused by the double entendres  none of which i will reveal here . as it stands  the plot suffers many holes ( i ', m not taking about implausibilities )  and the dialogue tends towards the hackneyed . now that the elements are in place : modern special effects and stunt work  cool pierce brosnan  kickass female allies . . . it ', s time to put them to use in something truly special . there ', s no mistaking  however  that " tomorrow never dies " is ideal holiday escapism  and for the first time in perhaps years  you ', ll walk out wanting more bond movies . - reviewed december 17  1997
pos rated : r for strong language  sexual dialogue  drug use  crude humor  violence and brief nudity . starring : ben affleck  matt damon  linda fiorentino  salma hayek  alan rickman  chris rock  kevin smith  jason mewes  jason lee  george carlin  alanis morissette . running time : 130 minutes being a huge fan of kevin smith  i was expecting a lot out of his newest project ', dogma ', . it might just be kevin ', s best work to date . it ', s very funny with smart and foul - mouthed dialogue while unexpectedly it has a serious undertone to it and besides going against god and jesus christ  it actually tries to tell people that there is such a thing rather than that there isn ', t . in 1994 a little $ 27  000 movie premiered at sundance . this little film was called ', clerks ', and this little film went on to become a huge video sensation . you really can ', t meet a person on this green earth who has not seen ', clerks ', . it was hailed by critics as one of the best movies of the year and soon a sequel is coming . in 1995 kevin made another movie ', mallrats ', that flopped horribly  thought it was not the best movie ever made it was a pretty good little flick . it was panned by critics but hailed by audiences and in 1997 ', chasing amy ', came out and was kevin ', s biggest success to date . now in 1999 we get a great little movie by the name of ', dogma ', . wow ! what a cast . ok here is the plot in this movie : linda fiorentino plays a regular woman who works at an abortion clinic . one day at her house metatron ( the voice of god ) appears at her house much to her surprise and tells her that she must stop two fallen angels ( matt damon and ben affleck ) from getting back into heaven by ways of a church . ok now get this  she is told to find two prophets : one who talks a lot and one who doesn ', t  however she gets jay and silent bob instead ( who give us great performances ) . now on her way to new jersey with jay and silent bob to try and stop the two angels the 13th apostle falls out of the sky ( chris rock ) and helps guide her to find these angels . salma hayek plays serendipity who also helps her out along her way . azrael ( jason lee ) who is a demon is trying to help the two angels out so that they can win . bethany ( linda fiorentino ) has to now use the help of all these people to try and stop the angels before they cheat their way back to heaven leading to a violent and bloody end that will make you think twice about your faith . what a movie  it is everything rolled into one : an offensive  offbeat  smart and sassy comedy that surprisingly has a great message at the end  and ends up being a feel - good movie . who would have known kevin had such a soft side on him that could make us know that he is a faithful person himself . now for those of you who get offended with this movie really should not take it to heart . yes it may target the catholic community and bash them a lot  but it also seems to rather than go against god and heaven  it actually goes with god and kevin gives a message that there is a god . this review may sound confusing at first but really the only way to understand it is to see this excellent movie . kevin goes to new lengths in this hilarious comedy and gives us some great characters with not too much background or study and rather we start to know the characters as we watch the movie . of course the best ( and funniest ) of them all is the only duo in history that have made me fall out of my chair laughing and that my friends are jay and silent bob . probably the best characters in movies that i like . the star - studded cast is amazing and has some other cameos by george carlin  jeanne garafolo and so may more that we start to lose track after a while . the script was written by kevin smith with many f ', words in there of course and a strong emphasis on sexual talk but he also seems to concentrate on what is important rather that what isn ', t and makes us laugh at the same time as we think . chris rock gives a hilarious performance and gets into his character very well  with some classic lines . linda fiorentino is just perfect for her role and makes us believe that she really is who she is . of course jason mewes and kevin smith do a great job as jay and silent bob with some priceless lines from jay ( as well as silent bob ) . alan rickman  jason lee  salma hayek round out the cast with matt damon and ben affleck in the starring roles . being oscar winners for the classic ', good will hunting ', they give great performances here again but matt damon seems just a little held back and to me did not give it all he could . ben however was all out and got very much into his character as well as the story . the movie ', s only big flaw is that it has a few unfunny lines and some slow parts to go along with it . however the direction by kevin and the script by kevin as well as the priceless performance by many of the cast members  ', dogma ', stands as a new classic and i think i can safely compare it to ', clerks ', . while being funny at times  in the end it becomes a serious movie with an important message that some may not agree with but can ', t deny it . ', dogma ', will offend people  especially deeply religious people  but for those of you who are open minded and want to see some very funny material then this is the movie for you . all kevin smith fans must see ! !
pos one of the most popular subplots in the entire science fiction genre is time travel . that concept  although many purists doubt its scientific credentials  spawned many interesting novels  comic books and films in the last century . however  the big grand - daddy of time travels  h . g . wells ', novel the time machine  wasn ', t written with the intention to speculate about that concept or its consequences . the author  h . g . wells merely used it as a convenient way to express his socialist views and condemn the great social gap between the rich  idle capitalist class and impoverished labour . whatever intentions wells had  the future generations of readers were less impressed by his political messages . instead they were fascinated by the idea that the strange new worlds could be explored without traveling trough space . the novel became one of great classics of science fiction genre and it natural for filmmakers to use it as inspiration . first of them was george pal  who in 1960 directed film which would  through the years  become genre classic of its own . the plot revolves about george ( rod taylor )  victorian scientist who discovered the way to travel through the fourth dimension - time . at the eve of the new 20th century  george gathers his friends in order to present them his invention - machine that would enable him to travel through time . they are skeptical  but that doesn ', t prevent george from carrying out his plan and traveling into the future . at first  he travels slowly  seeing london as it changes through the years and three world wars . finally  after witnessing world war three  he travels far into the future  hoping that he would cease to witness wars and senseless destructions . when he finally reaches year 802  701 ad  at first glance  new world looks like utopia - humanity consists of young  beautiful  but idle eloi  people who are fed  clothed and taken care of by unseen machines . but  weena ( yvette mimieux )  eloi woman  tells george about another side of the coin - in the night  her people is preyed upon by morlocs  humanoid creatures from the underworld . the time machine became the cinematic classic for the very same reason the novel became the classic in science fiction literature - the fantastic concept was a brilliant way for the authors to talk about burning issues and fears of their respective times . for h . g . wells it was frightening threat of class struggle ; for george pal and his screenwriter david duncan  who produced the film in the worst days of the cold war  it was the constant and more imminent threat of nuclear holocaust  underlined with the negative references to war throughout the movie . even the modern audience  which would be tempted to discard the film as old - fashioned  could find some values in its universal messages  fit for each era . compared with the genre films of today  the time machine is even better  and could serve as a good example how to make intelligent  thought - provoking films . of course  since this is hollywood product after all  the time machine delivers such concepts in the form of classic adventure  sometimes sacrificing plausibility for the sake of attractiveness . for example  it is hard to imagine that someone would be able to understand perfect english million years in future ; same is with morlocs degenerating into mutant monsters  while eloi remain undistinguished from the people of today . some of the final scenes  that turn victorian scientist into an action superhero  are also rather unconvincing . but  on the other hand  the film is very well directed  cleverly paced and the special effects  although definitely old - fashioned  are more than adequate for this kind of picture . the acting is good  with rod taylor in one of his most remembered roles  while in the same time alan young brings rather memorable performance as george ', s trusted friend filby . yvette mimieux  who plays weena  on the other hand  would be remembered more by her looks than by the complexity of her role . however  despite all those flaws  the time machine is a very good piece of cinema  something that connoisseurs of quality science - fiction films sorely miss these days .
pos if this keeps up  jane austen ( sense and sensibility  pride and prejudice ) may have to apply for posthumous membership to the screen writers guild . yet another novel of hers has made the transition to the silver screen . mansfield park is a turn of the century ( 18th century going on 19th ) story about love among the classes as well as an examination into proper society and family ties . ten year old fanny price ( hannah taylor - gordon  jakob the liar )  taken from her mother and father and the poverty in which they dwell  is sent to live with her aunt and the privileged class at mansfield park  under the stern patriarchal hand of her uncle  sir thomas bertram ( harold pinter  mojo ) spending her days reminded of her lower status  she also invents and writes fanciful stories during her private times . fanny eventually grows to become a beautiful  intelligent  and engaging heroine ( quite unlike the original character which ms . austen originally penned in her novel . ) writer / director patricia rozema ( when night is falling ) is responsible for the textual changes . from a purely dramatic perspective  the revision makes perfect sense and improves the film ', s audience appeal . what ms . rozema has done is to infuse the main character with much of ms . austen ', s own personality by including excerpts from the author ', s journals  giving that dialogue to fanny . the result is a central character that is immediately appealing . as the grown fanny  australian actress frances o ', connor ( all about adam ) does wonderfully textured work . at times  ms . rozema has fanny address the camera directly to communicate many of the novel ', s more introspective observations . this is a difficult device to work seamlessly into a period film and it is to ms . o ', connor ', s credit that it works as well as it does . the central theme which gives the story its legs in an old one . . . whether it is better to marry for love or for social standing ? fanny has fallen in love with her cousin edmund ( jonny lee miller  plunkett & macleane ) who appears fond of her as well . his attentions are soon divided as the stylish and socially acceptable mary crawford ( embeth davidtz  bicentennial man ) enters the picture along with her equally acceptable brother henry ( alessandro nivola  inventing the abbotts ) who eventually sets his romantic sights upon fanny . while mary and henry are evidently less than sincere in their affections  their presence does provide the movie and the main characters with the necessary conflict that keeps our interest until the film ', s appropriately austen - like ending . other thematic devices include a awkwardly inserted reference to the source of the wealth of mansfield park . . . the slave trade . there is also a hint of both lesbianism and incest but neither is carried very far and is soon forgotten . the motivation for marriage remains the primary thematic thrust . fanny ', s cousin  maria bertram ( victoria hamilton  persuasion ) is an example of one making a poor match  marrying a well - to - do fool who is able to make her comfortable  but never happy . fanny ', s own mother  trapped in her chosen life of squalor warns fanny by admitting that her situation is due to the fact that she " married for love . " fanny  given those two terrible examples  and faced with the same choice is understandably indecisive as to which way to lean . the spiritual answer  of course  lies in the middle of those two extremes . marriage is not a cold  calculating decision based upon self - preservation . neither is it a senseless decision made in the warm afterglow of a passionate embrace . in the purest sense  marriage forms an insoluble union whereby two people agree to function as one . " and said  for this cause shall a man leave father and mother  and shall cleave to his wife : and they twain shall be one flesh ? " matthew 19 : 5 [ kjv ] love and logic can be combined . god ', s word contains both . so does a marriage based upon his truth .
pos saving private ryan ( dreamworks ) running time : 2 hours 48 minutes . starring tom hanks  edward burns  tom sizemore and matt damon directed by steven spielberg already being hailed as the ', greatest war movie ever made  ', saving private ryan is an harrowing  saddening and riveting movie . it may not be the greatest war movie in my opinion  but it ', s certainly one of the best war movies made  and one of the best of 1998 . tom hanks stars as a captain who ', s troop has to find private ryan ( damon ) who has a ticket home because his three brothers have been killed in action . action  drama and even some humour occur as the troop journeys through wartime france to find him . after the disappointing amistad ( 1997 ) spielberg has returned to form with this excellent movie . i ', m not the war movie genre biggest fan  but i found this film to be gripping  and very scary  thanks to the excellent cast  direction and terrifying battle scenes . tom hanks is superb  straying away from his usually soppy dramatic roles  such as in forrest gump ( 1994 ) . this time  he plays the role with gritty realism  and is much better for it . occasionally he overacts the sentimentally  but he generally delivers a fine performance . edward burns  looking a lot like armageddon ', s ben affleck  also delivers a top notch performance  moving away from his roles in films such as she ', s the one ( 1996 ) tom sizemore makes less of an impact  but is still watchable  and matt damon reinforcing his position as one of the finest young actors working today . spielberg directs very well  putting the audience right in the heart of the action of the battle scenes . and what battle scenes they are ! they ', re truly terrifying  yet the audience cannot drag their eyes away from the screen . the battle scenes are filmed with a jerky hand - held camera  and the panic and confusion felt by the soldiers is emphasized by this technique . the gore and violence isn ', t spared either  which body parts flying  and blood spurting . this film is certainly not for kids and sensitive adults . other factors help saving private ryan be a masterpiece of 90 ', s film making . the cinematography is excellent  and the music score by john william ', s is also superb . it is never intrusive  and adds to the drama on - screen . but while they are thousands of good things great about private ryan  there ', s one major flaw that detracts the genius of the film : the writing . it is unusually flat  with many of the speeches strangely weak . the film never really makes any profound statements . this is not a major gripe  as private ryan is a film of action  not words . still  the script could of been a lot better . thankfully  the actors help partly to rectify the situation with their great delivery of their lines . saving private ryan  in the end  is an excellent film  but not the ', greatest war movie ', due to it ', s weak acting . this film should be viewed by everyone who has the stomach for it  as it ', s rewarding and extremely worthwhile . it really shouldn ', t be missed  and dreamworks skg has finally found it ', s first hit movie .
pos 50 ', s ` aliens vs . earth ', idea revamped ! if you have been following the movie news over the net  you could not have escaped the hype over id4 . it promises to be the summer film of the year and it has all the elements necessary . id4 opened in the us on 2nd of july  and up till now  only after a week of release  it has nearly touched the us $ 100 million mark  a phenomenon last observed when jurassic park was released back in 1993 . the premise of the movie is disgustingly simple : earth defends itself against the aliens  a typical and highly popular 50 ', s hollywood theme which manifested itself in many films produced in that era . the movie opens via star wars  however unoriginal it may be  it worked . the aliens have sent a large mother ship ( supposedly to be 1 / 4 size of the moon ) to attack earth by deploying attack ships 15 miles in radius to all the major cities on earth . the us president ( pullman ) does not know of the aliens ', intention but soon finds out when david ( goldblum ) a scientist  discovers that the aliens are counting down to a synchronised attack on all the major cities . capt . hiller ( smith )  a hot - shot f - 18 pilot are one of the hundreds assigned to take out the hovering alien attack ship over washington dc . his squadron came under heavy alien fire after discovering that their weapons were useless against the invaders  he crash lands after a spectacular 1 - on - 1 chase over the grand canyon  one of the many highlights of the movie . id4 features many characters and we are shown the impact on them as the story progresses . acting on the whole was ok although i thought that bill pullman was a bit unsuitable for the president role but he did make a very rousing speech before sending his troops into battle ( do we smell a bit of braveheart here ? ? ) . no prizes for guessing how id4 ends  its just plain obvious . id4 borrows heavily from star wars  return of the jedi  alien and in some parts of the movie  i could even sense a bit of x - files on screen . if i were to critically review this movie  id4 is full of plot holes  corny dialogue  and ridiculously dumb aliens . however below that wafer - thin plot and on - screen flaws  id4 scored well in playing with the appealing idea of the entire world giving up their petty differences to unite themselves as one force against the alien invasion . an idea which will have the audience strongly rooting for the united front throughout the movie  thus maintaining a screen - viewer interaction that virtually render any holes in the movie acceptable  no matter how ridiculous . id4 was produced under a modest budget of us $ 68 million  a film of such magnitude would have easily been another waterworld but director roland emmerich ( universal soldier  stargate ) and producer dean devlin assembled a team which did their own special effects rather than commissioning it to ilm or any other special effects company . some of the effects are not too good but most of it are very believable  especially the epic standoff between 150 f - 18 ', s and 250 alien saucers  reminiscence of the classic space battle featured in return of the jedi . id4 is a movie for all . though there are many explosions and implied deaths  there are no gory scenes of human destruction  thus young kids should be able to take it . sit back and don ', t be too critical  chances are you will be absorbed into the movie just as i was . if you are not planning to watch any movies this year  please  at least make time for this one . this film is best watched on the big - screen .
pos the trailers and the beginning of the move sum up this plot very easily . three filmmakers venture into the woods of maryland to track down the legend of the blair witch for a documentary they are making . they disappear and their footage is discovered a year later buried underneath the foundation of a one hundred year old house . from there  things become a little more complicated . i can say  with absolute assurance  that no film has ever had quite the impact that this little movie has had on me . although i know it was all a staged " mockumentary "  there ', s no denying the psychological impact this film will leave on you . i didn ', t feel much upon initially watching it . i just thought it was an interesting film with some pretty creepy parts . i never even dreamed that thirty minutes after the film had ended i would be frightened out of my mind just discussing it with a friend . i ', ve gotten chills every time i ', ve brought it up since then . this is not a movie that hits you right away . instead this is a movie that sits at the base of your spine  waits until you think everything is okay  then it slowly starts to creep it ', s way up into your mind . this is truly the most frightening movie i have ever had the pleasure to watch . the film is comprised of home video and 16mm camera footage that the documentarians supposedly shot for their blair witch film  so don ', t expect any steadi - cam shots or fancy camera work . this is as real as it gets folks . i don ', t recommend sitting too close to the theater screen though  because i guarantee you will get motion sickness from the constant movement of the camera . the performances of the three lead actors in the film are so real  you may find yourself questioning whether all of this has really happened or not . this is definitely a movie that warrants home video viewing  especially due to the fact that the bulk of the movie was shot with a standard home video camera . the reality of the images will strike frighteningly close to home when viewed as actual video instead of the tape - to - film transfer done for the big screen . word has it that a special edition dvd with boatloads of extras ( hours of deleted scenes  alternate endings  commentary  the sci - fi channel special  and others ) is being planned for release . i urge artisan entertainment to forge ahead with this plan and give us what could be the dvd to rival all dvd ', s . i know i ', ll be first in line to buy one . [ r ]
pos apocalypse now  based on the novel " hearts of darkness "  is an extremely striking  gripping  and horrifying depiction of the vietnam war from another angle . a long debate has surrounded this movie as if it is actually an anti - war film . in many ways  this debate could go either way . apocalypse now is probably one of the most memorable vietnam war films ever made . in addition  now film has gone to the extremes that this film does - a disturbing look at the corruption and terrifying effects of the most devastating war of recent years . apocalypse now follows the mission captain benjamin l . willard  played by martin sheen  to seek out and eliminate colonel walter e . kurtz  a green beret who is thought to have gone insane and set up his own militant base in cambodia . captain willard is ordered to assassinate kurtz with " extreme prejudice " because he has been deemed a murderer . willard accepts his mission  but not while pondering the accusation . accusing someone of murder in this situation is like " handing out speeding tickets at the indy 500 "  as he puts it . it doesn ', t make too much sense . escorting him on his mission are a group of men who operate a riverboat . the men are chef ( frederic forrest )  chief ( albert hall )  lance johnson ( sam bottoms ) and mr . clean ( a fifteen year - old laurence fishburne ) . willard is ordered not to let them know exactly what his mission is  but they all know it is something big . the men encounter many exciting  dangerous and bizarre situations . but no situation is more bizarre than the infamous napalm scene with a very eccentric robert duvall as lieutenant colonel kilgore . kilgore decides to attack and overtake a certain beach area so that his men can surf . surf . this is all inspired when kilgore is able to meet the famed california surfer lance johnson . duvall ', s portrayal as lieutenant colonel kilgore is terrific  and  he provides a number of memorable quotes . eventually  captain willard encounters colonel kurtz ', s frightening community full of strange things everywhere you look  especially his followers . one of his main followers is a freelance photographer ( dennis hopper ) who attempts to convey the situations to willard . but willard cannot understand the madness that encompasses the colony . kurtz is actually well aware of willard ', s mission  and refers to him as " an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill " . yet willard is intent on completing his mission  no matter what shocking things kurtz does . apocalypse now  possibly one of the greatest films ever made  is a stunning vision into the madness that corresponds to the vietnam war . a movie that will hypnotize you with it ', s brilliant cinematography  apocalypse now is an outstanding epic drama about the controversial and horrifying ravages of war . definitely on the " do not miss " list . be prepared for a very memorable film .
pos sometimes i find 19th century british costume dramas a little hard to relate to . it ', s not the time or the distance  it ', s the rules and conventions of a social class that deserves resentment rather than sympathy . yet somehow  the movies are all well made and i always get caught up in the story . the wings of the dove fits the pattern . kate ( helena bonham carter ) and merton ( linus roache ) are in love . merton  a newspaper writer  would like to marry kate . but kate ', s " job "  if you will  is to be a member of the british upper class . her father lost all of her family ', s money  but a wealthy aunt agreed to take care of her until she married a nice rich man . naturally  a newspaper writer ', s wages don ', t count as " rich . " kate leads him on  but she always ends up giving him the cold shoulder  ultimately because he ', s not marriageable . kate ', s american friend millie ( alison elliot ) stops in for a visit on her way to venice . at a party  millie catches a glimpse of merton and likes what she sees . kate realizes that if merton were introduced to millie  he might forget about her . it appears that she is trying to spare him from the heartbreak of their inevitable breakup . merton sees what kate is doing and resents her for it . he is still in love with kate  and will accept no substitute . the three of them  along with a fourth friend ( elizabeth mcgovern ) end up on holiday in venice together  where their interactions are quite complicated . let ', s sum up : millie has fallen for merton . merton has no feelings for millie because he is still in love with kate . kate loves him but can ', t marry him  so on the one hand she ', s trying to match him up with someone who will make him happy  but on the other hand she ', s jealous of them as a couple . a clear solution presents itself to kate when she realizes that millie is very sick - dying  in fact . at this point she decides that merton should marry millie until she dies . millie will leave her money to merton  who will then be rich enough to marry kate . she lets merton know of her schemes and  since it will help him win kate  he reluctantly agrees . kate leaves venice so that the two m ', s can be alone together . merton finds that pretending to love millie is a lot like actually loving her . he ', s not sure he can separate the two . kate finds that she ', s not so sure she really wants her merton falling in love with and marrying anyone else . the brilliant scheme proves to be painful to all involved . without revealing the details  suffice it to say that the situation ends badly . the title refers to the object of merton ', s vain hope that something might lift him from his predicament . one is left with feelings of regret and despair . what started as such a promising relationship was damaged by greed  anger  and jealousy . an interesting thought struck me after the movie was over  and that is that the wings of the dove almost fits the story line of a film noir . a couple conspires to cheat someone out of their money so they can live happily ever after . their involvement in the deception makes each less attractive to the other  and after a few things go wrong  the whole idea seems like an awful life - ruining mistake . i wouldn ', t call the wings of the dove a film noir  but the comparison is interesting . as i have acknowledged before  i am not a wonderful judge of acting  but i liked the performances from roache and elliot . roache successfully conveyed his character ', s ambivalence toward millie : near the end  he hugs her  at first staring into space  as if he ', s thinking about his plan with kate  then giving that up to fully embrace millie . millie ', s part didn ', t require as much range  but elliot gave her the necessary bubbly personality that made her irresistible . i will probably file away the wings of the dove in the same low - traffic corner of my mind as sense and sensibility and persuasion . their settings are far removed from my personal experience - geographically  historically  and socially . still  the movies are well made and the stories inevitably win me over .
pos earlier this year  the movie holy man opened to a meager box office receipt and to indifference from audiences and critics . a real charmer of a movie  it ', s possible that the subject matter was too hip or trendy to attract any real audience . now  at the end of 1998  comes waking ned devine  a comedy which inspires the same vein of easygoing laughter . there ', s no substantial difference between the two other than a more refined atmosphere -- they strike all the same chords -- but still  ned devine is a movie worth seeing . the plot is interesting and robust : the latest lottery winner is ned devine ( jimmy keogh )  of tullymore  ireland . ned ', s prize is over six million pounds  but the shock of winning killed the poor old man  and the check remains unclaimed . enter jackie o ', shea ( ian bannen ) and michael o ', sullivan ( david kelly )  the only two residents who are aware the winner is in their village . the two men eventually find the ticket  and decide that if michael can convince the lotto authorities that he ', s actually ned  the entire town can reap the benefits ; their only adversary is an ancient old woman ( eileen dromey ) who sees more profit in reporting the fraud . ian bannen and david kelly truly shine as jackie and michael . jackie  stocky and large  is the brains behind the operation ; michael  scrawny and short  is the method man . the two contrast each other delightfully  and at the same time remain sympathetic to the audience . every viewer is sure to like both of them . there are other minor subplots included as well  such as an unlikely romance between a local girl and the town pig farmer . this appears quite inconsequential until the end  and even with a startling revelation it ', s a tad bit unnecessary . overall  waking ned devine has a predictable outcome  and plot twists are never really taken seriously . the ending  a very hilarious and very ironic twist of fate  somehow fits with the twisted sense of humor the movie exhibits throughout . the kirk jones script is indeed off - the - cuff . in a way  waking ned devine is exactly like the class of people it presents : warm  friendly  outgoing  and jovial . it ', s the perfect kind of comedy  a real gem of a tale that sets up a trivial plot outline by which to introduce a sympathetic cast of characters and a string of jokes . there ', s nothing remotely serious or grounded for more than a moment or two  because the spirit of ned devine is a lighthearted one . indeed  it ', s one of the year ', s best feel - good movies -- 91 minutes of unrestrained joy that no one should miss .
pos susan granger ', s review of " the perfect storm " ( warner bros . ) " more people die on fishing boats  per capita  than working in any other job in the u . s . . every journey a fishing boat makes can be an all - or - nothing risk . it is life at its most exhilarating and its most terrifying  " says director wolfgang petersen ( " das boot " ) . and that ', s just what he captures in this true story of struggle and humanity aboard a swordfishing boat  the andrea gail  sailing out of gloucester  massachusetts  in late october  1991 . early in bill wittliff ', s screenplay  based on sebastian junger ', s best - seller  we meet the crew of six . the veteran captain ( george clooney ) is frustrated because he can ', t find fish on the grand banks  yet a rival skipper ( mary elizabeth mastrantonio ) brings in huge hauls . his right - hand man ( mark walhberg ) needs money to build a new life with his girl - friend ( diane lane ) . there ', s a devoted dad ( john c . reilly ) with an estranged wife and son  a free - spirited jamaican ( allen payne )  a lonely guy ( john hawkes )  and a last - minute replacement with a bad attitude ( william fichtner ) . the skipper ', s convinced he can change his bad luck streak in remote flemish cap  and he does . but then trouble begins . there ', s a rogue wave  a man overboard and the ice machine breaks - with 60  000 lb . of fish that could spoil . but that ', s minor compared with a deadly monster storm approaching which a boston meteorologist describes as " a disaster of epic proportions " that also threatens the lives of a coast guard helicopter rescue team trying to save three people stranded on a sailboat on the high seas . it ', s formulaic and there are cliches  but the walls of water  created by fluid dynamics simulating real - life phenomena  are awesome . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " the perfect storm " is a terrifying  suspenseful 8 . hang on for the white - knuckle thrill ride of the summer !
pos just in time for halloween and christmas  the reissue of the nightmare before christmas couldn ', t be more appropriate . with all of the attention thrown to " family films " in recent years  namely those starring pocket monsters and nickelodeon characters  it ', s high time we raised the intellectual level of children ', s fare as well as the animation achievements of the movie studios . with that in mind  it was refreshing to revisit an animation classic on the big screen that still retains the originality and freshness it had seven years ago . nightmare is the story of one man ', s quest to discover his true purpose in life -- to look beyond the accolades of his peers  the achievements of his years  and the praise of his ego . jack skellington  the pumpkin king of halloweentown  is the main dude behind the halloween holiday for kids everywhere . but during his reign as pumpkin king  jack has somehow lost his understanding of his place in the world and the magic he creates with his halloween holiday . after the completion of one particular halloween season  jack walks with a heavy heart and ends up discovering in the woods outside halloweentown a grove of trees with doors to all of the other holidays in the world . imagine his surprise to discover christmastown  a far more impressive and uplifting holiday than halloween  surrounded by happy elves making toys  and with good cheer all around . upon his return to halloweentown  jack decides to combine halloween and christmas together by kidnapping " sandy claws  " employing all the residents of halloweentown to build toys for children . he then aims to take over the role as primary joy - provider and gift - bearer to the children of the world  in the hopes of rediscovering the zest for life he once had . alas  the co - mingling of halloween and christmas creates disastrous results involving shrunken heads  psychotic wooden ducks  a sleigh pulled by a phantom dog with a lighted nose  and a large  sinister  singing bag named oogie boogie tim burton -- the man behind such great films as ed wood  beetlejuice  pee - wee ', s big adventure  and edward scissorhands -- is the creative force behind nightmare . originally  burton authored a poem that became the basis of the storyline  and he was jointly involved in the production design of the film ( though many mistakenly assume he directed the picture ) . the stamp of burton is clearly everywhere in the film -- with bold colors  imaginative character design  and it ', s simple yet compelling story . the direction of harry selick  who also directed james and the giant peach  is strong  offering intimate views of the strange collection of characters . also memorable are the songs in the film  written by former oingo boingo lead singer danny elfman  the next john williams of film composing . the nightmare before christmas is intended for both the kid and adult in everyone . it ', s not just child ', s play for the holidays ; it ', s a movie about how to be truly happy in a tough world  saying that all you need to do is just be exactly who you are  without compromise . what better message is there for christmas ?
pos every once in a while a movie comes along that completely redefines the genre : with dramas  it was citizen kane  with arthouse it was pulp fiction  and with comedy it was  well  that jim carrey guy ( okay  so he ', s not a movie  but he did have a huge influence on the genre . not to mention an expensive one . ) sometimes a movie even combines them all into a big  sprawling motion picture event  as did forrest gump four years ago . with action films  it was aliens  whic was released to much hype seven years after it ', s equally - innovative parent  alien ( 1979 ) . directed and written by james cameron ( t2 : judgement day  the abyss  true lies )  the authority on action films  it was a masterful encore to his sci - fi thriller the terminator ( 1984 ) . while the original alien film was a dark  enclosed horror film that featured one alien slowly massacering a horrified crew  james cameron took the big - budget action film with aliens  which featured multiple aliens doing basically the same thing  although on a much - larger scale . and boy  did he take that route ! i ', d say at about 165 mph or so . . . the film opens 57 years after the original  with lt . ripley ( weaver ) being found in her ship in a cryogenic state by a salvage vessel . if you ', ll recall  at the end of alien ripley  the only surviving member  cryogenically " hibernated " herself after expelling the rogue alien from her ship . unfortunately  she thought she ', d only be out for a couple of weeks . . . once she ', s returned to earth  ripley is quickly interrogated by " the company "  who quickly dismiss her and her stories as lunacy . in truth  they believe her  as they soon approach ripley with an offer to travel with some marines to a new colony planet as an " alien advisor " . it seems that the colony planet was a once - breeding ground for the nasty aliens  and now all communication with the planet has been lost . . . it doesn ', t exactly take a genius to guess what happens next : ripley agrees  and before you can say " big mistake "  she and the half dozen marines  plus the slimy corporate guy ( reiser )  who has more than it looks like up under his sleeve  are off to the colony . when they arrive  they find the planet in ruins . only one survivor is found  a little girl  newt  who confirms that  yes  the aliens were here and that she only managed to survive by hidding in the ventilation system . and soon enough  the marines come under attack from the aliens . . . what happens for the next hour and a half or so is what completely sets this movie apart from any other standard alien sci - fi movie : the action scenes . cameron directs them so skillfully  and so suspensefully  that you ', re literally ringing your hands by the time the finale rolls around . which features  in my opinion  the best fight scene ever recorded on film  as ripley straps herself into a huge robot and battles the nasty queen alien to the death . many people will tell you that this film  while being a great action film  has no real drama and is all cliches . well  they would be wrong  my friends . if this film had no " drama "  then why was sigourney weaver nominated for best actress at the 1987 academy awards ? that ', s right  best actress . you know that any action film that has an oscar nomination attached to it for something other than technical stuff like editing and f / x has got to be good . in short  aliens combines all the right elements ( great action and f / x  drama  a good plot  good dialogue  and great villains ) into what could arguably be called the best action film of all time . then again  maybe not . movies rise and fall from glory and  sad to say  aliens was wrestled from it ', s throne of best action movie by another cameron film  t2 : judgement day  in 1991 . so who will be the next king ? well  let ', s wait until december 19th and see yet another james cameron film - the highest budgeted film of all time - titanic to make that decision . i can ', t wait .
pos in 1995  brian singer and christopher mcquarrie dreamed up a simple concept : the audience isn ', t stupid . from that  they went on and created the most plot - driven  intricately pieced movie in the last 25 years . the result : the usual suspects  one hell of a movie that redefines the word plot twist . the story is convoluted  and is really confusing to read  although easy to follow on screen . special investigator kujan ( chazz palminteri ) grills " verbal " kint ( kevin spacey )  a crippled con - man who is the lone survivor of an la boat explosion that claimed more than 20 victims . kujan wants to confirm that his nemesis  the rogue cop keaton ( gabriel byrne )  is actually dead . kint relates the majority of the film in flashback  beginning with the fateful day when five shifty guys meet in a police - station lineup in new york city . along with dour keaton  kint encounters cheerfully sociopathic mcmanus ( stephen baldwin )  mordantly sarcastic hockney ( kevin pollak )  and fenster ( benicio del toro )  whose speech is virtually incomprehensible . together they plot to steal a small fortune in gems from " new york ', s finest taxi service " -- crooked cops who provide escort service for visiting drug kingpins . what follows is a shell - game of violence and betrayal  all hinging on the identity of a mysterious villain called keyser soze . the film is brilliantly compact : its the shortest 90 minutes you ', ll ever spend in a movie theater . the cast is exceptional . palminteri shines  he is brutally honest  a true cop  one who is going after the whole story because its there . byrne is terrific  his brooding character  his seriousness is needed to supplement the hysteria of benicio del toro  who is a riot as fenster . del toro is brilliant  his lines are a jumbled mess  you can ', t understand a word the man says  but it sure is damn funny . baldwin is also very good  he is careful  methodical  and cold  a chilling character with a nasty streak of hot - blooded sarcasm . pollak is also terrific as usual  a very good character actor . however  this will be forever known as the film that launched kevin spacey . spacey is simply breathtaking  he is a force on screen  giving a magnetic performance that jars the senses at the end of this twisting maze . spacey ', s performance will be remembered for years  for it is the best of his career  it may be the best supporting actor performance in the last 50 years . verbal kint is a clever storyteller  weak  oppressed  and gleefully evil to the bone  yet pitiful  one who draws sympathy . the film is a good one  a decent film until the last 10 minutes . what this film boils down to is the greatest ending in cinematic history  for me at least . the revelation of keyser soze  the closing gunfights  it is something wondrous . you have to see this movie about 10 times to believe what they do . kudos to mcquarrie and singer for giving the audience a delightful  fast - paced  furiously plot - driven movie with quirky characters  phenomenal acting  and some hilarious moments stuck in the middle . mcquarrie refuses to believe the audience is dumb . without furnishing too many details  he concocts his story and lets it run  hoping the audience gets it at the end . we do . this might just be the finest cinematic puzzle ever created . kudos also to singer and john ottman  who created the score . they both create what is a true film - noir setting  carefully setting up this intricate puzzle until the final  jarring ending . there are flaws : more questions raised than answers  lack of character development  and no strong female characters ( save one ) . however  the plot  and that stunning ending  make up for all the flaws and more . if you haven ', t seen the movie  rent it . watch it . then rewind the tape  and watch it again . trust me  you ', ll be amazed .
pos it has happened again . a movie that is well scripted  well acted  and well directed . it is involving  suspenseful . . . it even has an unexpected twist at the end that packs a punch like a blow to the solar plexus . but in order to accept its premise one must also accept a spiritual lie . the sixth sense is that movie . starring bruce willis ( armageddon ) as a child psychologist and haley joel osment ( forrest gump ) as a troubled youngster  the sixth sense is more spooky than scary  though it does contain disturbing images designed to startle . eight - year - old cole sear ( osment ) sees dead people . not just in dreams . and not just as lifeless bodies . he sees them walking around like regular people . and he sees them all the time . dr . malcolm crowe ( willis ) is trying to help him . he recognizes in cole many of the same attributes as one of his earlier patients whom crowe failed  resulting in that patient shooting crowe before turning the gun on himself . if crowe could manage to find a way to help cole  he believes he just might be able to put his own demons to rest . but first he needs to gain cole ', s trust . the boy is so frightened by what he sees  he has closed himself off emotionally  being unwilling to tell anyone . . . not crowe  not even his own mother ( toni collette  clockwatchers ) . . . about his " secrets . " crowe begins to spend more and more time with him  even as his own marriage starts to dissolve around him  his wife anna ( olivia williams  rushmore ) becoming cold and distant because of his neglect of her and his preoccupation with the boy . bruce willis underplays his role  allowing the excellent script to do most of the work of building character development . crowe moves from treating a troubled boy who won ', t communicate  to treating a troubled boy who is having hallucinations  to wondering if perhaps there isn ', t some truth behind what the boy sees . mr . willis does a serviceable job  letting the focus remain on the story instead of on his familiar action hero screen persona . eleven - year - old haley joel osment manages to impress us with his performance . he demonstrates an amazing amount of self - composure as well as an ability to play nuances in a complex character as if he were a seasoned pro . it is fine work for one of such a tender age . keep your eye on this young man . the supporting cast is also quite effective . toni collette  as the confused  frightened  and frustrated mother who can ', t understand what is happening to her child ; olivia williams  as crowe ', s once loving wife who is shutting down emotionally due to the lack of attention from her husband ; and donnie wahlberg ( ransom ) as crowe ', s ex - patient  now grown  who illustrates his doctor ', s failure to help him in the most vivid terms imaginable . twenty - eight year old m . night shyamalan ( wide awake ) directed his own script  maintaining a proper tension throughout the film and crafting the storytelling so expertly that the film ', s full impact is not reached until its final moments  when a surprising revelation forces a reevaluation of all that preceded it . it is a rare movie which manages to pull that off and mr . shyamalan  as the one responsible  is certainly to be commended . in giving the sixth sense a favorable " three star " review for its craftsmanship and artistic merit  i must also point out that  spiritually speaking  the film is highly misleading . there is no scriptural foundation upon which to base a belief in ghosts or the " living dead . " the concept of death being a doorway to another plane of existence is a devilish lie that has been around as long as man himself . the first lie recorded in the bible was devised by the serpent who assured eve  " thou shall not surely die  " a direct contradiction of god ', s admonition . that same lie has been perpetuated ad infinitum throughout the ages . scriptures do speak of a time when the dead shall rise but that wonderful demonstration of victory over death will not commence until after the second coming of christ . . . an event which has not yet occurred . therefore  the dead remain in a state of oblivion  having no consciousness  until that long - awaited time when the final trump shall sound . and then  you ', ll need six senses to register all the joy and rejoicing that will resound throughout the heavens .
pos in the grand scheme of mel gibson movies  payback was better than conspiracy theory  but not as good as braveheart or lethal weapon . in other words  it ', s a decent couple of hours of entertainment  but 20 years from now if a they compile a list of mel gibson ', s greatest hits  payback probably won ', t be on it . gibson plays a crook who gets double crossed by his partner after they heist a payroll . mel ', s partner needed the money to pay off a mob debt . so he puts a couple of bullets in mel  leaving him for dead  and goes on to pay off his creditors . but  mel isn ', t dead ( it would be a real short movie if he was ) and he certainly isn ', t happy . to make matters worse  he wants his money back and is willing to go to any lengths to accomplish this feat . his ex partner has already used it to pay off the mobsters  so mel goes after the mob to get it back . payback is often a very violent film . to its credit  there are a few scenes that could have been very graphic  but the director ( i ', m not sure which one -- more about that in a second ) made the choice to let the audience use their imagination instead of subjecting us to the usual gratuitous gore found in many films . the film appears a bit disjointed in places  which is understandable considering producer / star gibson wasn ', t thrilled with how the film turned out and wanted parts of it re - shot . when the director refused  another one was brought in to do the re - shoot . so as a result while the final product is apparently better than the original ( although personally i would love to see the original version for comparisons sake ) it does get a bit of a choppy feel to it towards the end . it ', s always tough to make a film where the main character is a villain  unless that person has some redeeming qualities . in this case  gibson ', s character has few redeeming qualities . but hey  its mel  so even when he is killing people in cold blood we are still rooting for him . my guess is that if that you put some other johnny bananas actor in this role  the audience would not be quite as responsive . gibson is gibson  whether he is playing a suicidal cop or a stone cold killer  he does a good job . he almost guarantees that no matter what else happens in the rest of the movie at least the audience is going to get one good performance . this time out mel is surrounded by a good supporting cast  including maria bello ( as his love interest )  william devane and kris kristofferson ( as mod bosses ) . the man who steals the show and unfortunately doesn ', t have a real big part is james coburn ( as yet another mobster ) . if i had one big disappointment in this film  it would be that coburn didn ', t have a bigger role . in the end  payback is a fairly solid action thriller  just not in quite the same league as some of mel gibson ', s other work .
pos the thought - provoking question of tradition over morals is the subject directly at the core of " leila  " a powerfully articulated and subtle drama from famous iranian director dariush mehrjui  that is his first motion picture in a prosperous thirty - year career to gain u . s . distribution  thanks to first run features . although unfamiliar with mehrjui ', s previous directing efforts  perhaps the reason for this is that  while the predicament at hand is no doubt exclusive to its own country  the heartbreaking and solely truthful emotions of the characters can easily be understood by all viewers . set in modern - day iran  " leila " begins on the birthday of the title character ( leila hatami )  after a brief prologue in which we are shown the first encounter between leila and her future husband  reza ( ali mosaffa ) . as leila and reza set off to visit his parents  and then hers  where a birthday celebration has been planned  things seem rosy for the couple on the outside  but for leila  life isn ', t quite as sweet . earlier  on that very same day  leila had gone to see her physician  and has ultimately discovered that she holds very little chance of ever conceiving a child . when all of the conditions are ruled out  and leila passes up the possibility of adoption  reza firmly and lovingly tells her that he married her  and doesn ', t care at all about having children . nonetheless  leila is ashamed that she will never be able to give him a baby  which is the societal norm  and her self - esteem is not helped at all by her domineering mother - in - law ( jamileh sheikhi )  whose hopes to carry on the sacred family name vanishes once hearing the news ( reza is her only son ) . bluntly explaining to leila that reza has always wished for children and  in a country where polygamy is an accepted tradition  she suggests that he take a second wife to bear a child with . leila hesitantly agrees  and while she and reza are able to shallowly laugh afterwards about the hopeful womens ', inadequacies  reza finally does meet a woman whom he claims to like  even though he refuses to go through with the marriage if leila doesn ', t give her full blessing . there are no easy answers to be found within " leila  " a film that thoughtfully examines the central character ', s unfortunate plight  as well as the inner workings of leila herself  told through matter - of - fact narration . almost completely taken over by her own shame  she has no option but to agree to her forceful mother - in - law ', s requests  even though she is unsure of how she will react if reza really does end up marrying another woman . maybe because " leila " is from iran  the film will unquestionably be shocking for american audiences  since the concept of polygamy is looked upon by the characters as a more or less everyday occurrence . leila  however  is unable to come to terms with the idea quite as easily  but feels it is her duty to make her husband happy  no matter what the circumstances . one of the strongest aspects of the film is in its portrayal of the relationship between leila and reza  who married only three months after their first meeting  but obviously love each other very deeply . it is this relationship that is the key ingredient to making what follows the opening scenes all the more powerful  and director mehrjui has succeeded just about as well as possible . although seemingly unimportant at first glance  an early sequence where leila and reza are eating dinner and both are laughing  nearly uncontrollably  actually is one of the most vital moments in the first half  as it unmistakably sets the boundary for their unrequisite love for one another . ditto for another scene in which reza gives leila a large stuffed animal for her birthday  and then reveals a beautiful necklace he has also gotten her . these " small " moments are the perfect contrast for the solemn  outraging sequences in the latter half  in which reza drops leila off at the side of a busy road  and then zooms off to go on a date with another woman . left there to ponder her quickly diminishing marriage  foolishly unbeknownst to reza  leila prays each time that the date will not go well  so she will be able to keep her husband to herself for a little while longer . refusing to stay over at her parent ', s house  the film inevitably leads up to the second wedding night between reza and another woman  and in a sequence of extraordinary sorrow and potency  leila finds her whole being emotionally torn apart  as she is closed up in an upstairs bedroom as the marriage proceedings are going on down below . despite her initial agreement to such a thing  leila realizes how much she has been betrayed by reza  whom she believed cared for her as much as she did of him . sure  the whole second marriage was his mother ', s idea  but if he really did believe what he initially had told her about not wanting any children  then he could have still easily backed out  couldn ', t he ? in the pivotal role of leila  who appears in every scene  leila hatami is nothing short of remarkable  injecting her character with an equal measure of startling strength  unavoidable vulnerability  and utter despair . unlike most american films  in which everything always has to be spelled out for audiences  hatami says much more with just an elusive expression on her face than could possibly have been conveyed by words . every bit a perfect match for hatami is ali mosaffa  as reza  a man who  i believe  does hold an unbreakable bond with his wife  but is too naive to realize what he will be doing to leila if he marries someone else . for all of its strong aspects  " leila " isn ', t a perfect film . on a technical level  i found many blatant punctiation and spelling mistakes within the subtitles that need to be fixed . and concerning the plot developments  the final five minutes ring false when compared with everything that has come before . mehrjui ', s decision to use an extremely stylized approach to the ending was the wrong choice  particularly in his almost comedic way of wrapping up the character of the spiteful mother - in - law  played memorably by jamileh sheikhi . despite these minor missteps  " leila " is an important motion picture that should definately be sought out upon its limited may 16 release at new york ', s cinema village  and then on may 21 in la . the thought - provoking questions that the film deals with is balanced evenly with its uneasy morales  and when the climax arrives  leila ', s self - worth is startlingly stripped away to reveal a victim led into complete devastation  to which there is no return . it ', s difficult to not consider how leila ', s culminating interior demise could have been so simply avoided  had the other characters taken a second out of their own selfish lives to consider what leila  the major pawn in the unforgivable scheme  was going through .
pos barely scrapping by playing at a nyc piano bar  timothy hutton returns to his massachusetts hometown for a couple of weeks . on the surface  he ', s coming home for a high school reunion  but since this is a movie  you know that he ', s really looking for some major life decisions . a fairly " small " film  this sports an impressive ensemble cast including uma thurman  rosie o ', donnell and a bunch of actors that you ', ve seen before but can ', t quite place . commendable jobs all around ; they seem like real people . hutton arrives at his past and is greeted by his spirit - dead father  terminally goony brother and old high school chums . all of his old buddies are engaged in the snow removal business and most are in the midst of a relationship crisis . the perfect stuff for a comedy about people in the twenties angst . he meets and falls for the new next door neighbor : a beautiful intelligent lively girl who is obviously taken with him . the problem is that she is only 13 . unconsummated ( no  it ', s not _that_ type of movie )  their relationship builds and neither knows what to do with it . star - crossed lovers with no where to go . so hutton is gaga over a barely - teen  one of his buddies is two - timing his girlfriend with a married old flame  another ', s girlfriend is sleeping with a meat cutter ( " and she ', s a vegetarian ! " ) . things are a mess . enter uma thurman . the beautiful stranger in town for a few days is both a delight in the film and one of its minor downfalls . her character is fun to watch . even more entertaining is observing the guys falling over themselves trying to impress her . like the lone ranger  before she leaves  she solves most of the problems and sets everyone onward with their lives . the ending is a bit too pat . everything is tied up with a neat little bow . rosie o ', donnell is a stand - out in her limited screen time with her brash personality and " tell it like it is " pronouncements . structured somewhat like a " diner  a few years later "  this feel - good story is a good time  but ends a little too nice .
pos it ', s an interesting premise . our reality is only real to us because it is what we perceive to be real . in truth  our entire existences are lived out in our minds as we are fed information through electronic inputs directly to our brains . what we see  what we do  everything around us is nothing more than a computer - generated construct interlinked with the minds of others through a vastly powerful artificial intelligence . our bodies  severely atrophied  are kept alive for the sole purpose of generating heat and electrical energy for a dominating order of machines which control the planet . the sci - fi realm has been waiting a little while for something new to come along . the matrix isn ', t it - the idea of a war between man and a sentient computer network  a sham world  the ability to plug one ', s brain into a computer  has all been gleaned from such sources as the terminator  dark city  and a few star trek episodes ( both classic and next generation ) . what is new is the ability to weave all of these various elements together and succeed in producing a film that is both entertaining as well as thought - provoking . keanu reeves plays a computer whiz nicknamed neo  who is plucked out of the artificial world ( known as the matrix ) by a group of renegade humans who are clandestinely fighting to expose the fallacy of the computer - generated existence and free humankind from the oppression of the machines . the group ', s leader  morpheus ( laurence fishburne )  has chosen neo because he believes neo is " the one " who is destined to lead the attack against the artificial intelligence . > from the beginning of the film  we are kept on our toes trying to figure things out . this  in a lesser movie would be annoying  but the matrix presents itself in an intelligent manner which makes the puzzle rather interesting and even fun . what is reality ? what is a sham ? the film turns our very perception of life on its side . more than once  we are also presented with the question of whether we would rather know the harsh truth of reality  or live a life of relative bliss  oblivious to the true nature of our surroundings . as viewers  this is intriguing enough  so imagine what it would be like for neo . and who to better play a bewildered person than keanu reeves ? reeves  whom i ', ve never really cared for as an actor  is competent in roles which require a lot of straightforwardness  and little subtlety . he was good in speed  for example  but laughably poor in a walk in the clouds . neo is actually one of those roles which reeves slips into rather nicely  so much of my expectation was happily for naught . in a couple of places  the script even capitalizes upon his wooden nature  and this is a heavy credit to writers / directors andy and larry wachowski . i mean  since bill and ted ', s excellent adventure  what movie could you say really " utilized " keanu reeves ? more interesting than reeves is fishburne  who ', s morpheus nearly runs the gamut of emotions  and convincingly so . very surprising for a sci - fi movie . fishburne also maintains a certain demeanor about himself throughout  as if he always knows what to expect . this helps to further the aura of his character ', s proficiency and extensive knowledge . hugo weaving as agent smith  one of the artificial intelligence ', s anti - intruder programs  is also good playing his deadpan  no - nonsense  kick ass role  which requires him to show emotion at the appropriate time . unfortunately  when weaving speaks for more than a few sentences in a row  the nature of his character ', s speech pattern becomes a little more laughable than impressive . carrie - anne moss plays trinity  morpheus ', s number one assistant who becomes somewhat of a love interest for neo . although her character is somewhat inconsistent  moss nevertheless delivers an above par performance when fishburne isn ', t in the picture . there were few expenses spared when it comes to the special effects . many methods of imagery are employed  from modeling to bluescreen to computer graphics . of special note is the use of the " freeze and turn " effect where the entire scene is frozen  turned  then continued from a new angle . this is accomplished by using a large number of still cameras employed in a semi - circle  with motion picture cameras placed at the two ends . the motion cameras film the action  and at the appropriate moment all the still cameras fire at once . place each still image in a film sequence and you get a nearly seamless transition from the first motion camera to the second . pretty slick . the matrix drips with style . from the clothing to the music to the action  we ', re watching an exaggerated version of what we ', re used to . much of it seems like the combination of two genres of the hong kong action film - there ', s a lot of kung fu  there ', s a lot of gunplay . when a character is letting go with an automatic weapon  much is made of the empty cartridges falling to the floor in slow motion . there ', s also the element of the japanese action cartoon ( called anime by aficionados )  especially in the way the sequences are filmed in sweeping pans and emphasized actions through special effects . combined  it ', s really like no live - action film i have ever seen . the film is not without its faults . some of the scenes and ideas are " borrowed " a little too liberally from other films  and one component of the ending is decidedly disappointing . some of the lines are also pretty bad - in one instance  a supporting character incorrectly delivers a famous saying  and it wasn ', t meant to be a joke . however  these shortcomings detract little from what is an overall solid action sci - fi film that for once does more than merely entertain .
pos one of kyle mclachlan ', s earlier cinematic features  this movie has had an obvious influence on such films as the terminator ( 8 / 10 )  species ( 7 / 10 ) and the more recent  fallen with denzel washington . plot : a science - fiction picture set in modern times  this thriller follows the exploits of an " entity " from outer space  who likes to inhabit human bodies  use them up until they are completely worn out  and then switch over to the next available receptacle . fbi agent ( mclachlan ) and local top cop ( nouri ) are charged with the capture of this " thing " before it ', s too late . critique : this fast - paced  urban equivalent of the thing ( 8 / 10 )  checks in on all cylinders for ultra - violence ( god knows how many people died in this movie )  action and an overall rock ', n roll attitude . then again  how can you go wrong with an " alien " that likes the ferraris  guns  heavy metal music and sexy girls ? ! granted  the plot isn ', t the most elaborate of tales ( alien bad  find alien  kill alien )  but i can honestly say that i was never once bored during the viewing of this entire picture . i wouldn ', t recommend it to those who don ', t like car chases  murders  and bland acting  but for all the rest of you out there  those who enjoy putting away their brains every now and again  sitting back  slamming back some salsa ', d nachos  and relishing in the cheeze some call film . . . have a blast ! ! two scenes to watch for are both within the first ten minutes of this gore - fest . the opening sequence is one of the most rockin ', scenes to open any action movie  and the subsequent extra - terrestrial " transformation " is another eye - catcher . even the late 80 ', s special effects were okay . followed by the hidden ii in 1994 . little known facts : this film was kyle maclachlan ', s first non - david lynch foray into the world of feature films . his first two movie appearances were in lynch ', s wretched dune ( 4 / 10 ) and the sensational blue velvet ( 8 . 5 / 10 )
pos i want to correct what i wrote in a former retrospective of david lean ', s war picture . i still think that it doesn ', t deserve being the number 13 in the american film institute ', s list of the 100 greatest american movies . and i think that lumet ', s " 12 angry men "  wilder ', s " witness for the prosecution " and kubrick ', s " paths of glory " would have been better choices for the best picture oscar in 1958 . but i can ', t deny the importance of " the bridge on the river kwai " - cinematically and in its contents . the film is set in burma in 1943 . a bataillon of british soldiers in japanese war captivity is forced by the japanese to build a strategically momentous railway bridge over the river kwai . but the british commanding officer  colonel nicholson ( alec guinness )  insists - corresponding to the geneva conventions - that his officers needn ', t work as simple workmen . struggling toughly  col . nicholson forces the japanese commandant  col . saito ( sessue hayakawa )  to give way in this respect . afterwards col . nicholson assiduously commits himself for the building of the bridge . he considers it an opportunity to raise his men ', s morale  and he wants to prove superior british capabilities to the japanese . but the british high command sends a few soldiers who shall destroy the bridge  among them the american shears ( william holden ) - an escapee from the japanese prison camp - and the british major warden ( jack hawkins ) . . . a flaw of the picture is the clich ? d characterization of the japanese people . they are presented as if they were intellectually inferior to the british - as if the japanese were incapable of building a bridge . and the film doesn ', t consistently question the military spirit as kubrick does in " paths of glory " . lean seems rather fascinated by the military hierarchies . this is also perceptible in the conversations between col . nicholson and col . saito . in this regard it is symptomatic that shears  who doubts the military logic  is a somehow unpleasant person in the film . the audience is supposed to applaud col . nicholson ', s perseverance concerning the question if his officers shall work on the bridge or not . the spectators are supposed to neglect the risks col . nicholson takes for his men . ( the plot by - passes these risks . ) that means  the picture isn ', t perfect . but it has a lot of virtues as well . it shows the " madness " of war and what war can produce in people ', s minds . it shows how col . nicholson becomes possessed by the idea of being a hero and that others ( like shears ) get cynics . and " the bridge on the river kwai " is an interesting study of characters with clashing interests . these points and the sometimes ironic dialogue make this film an anti - war film ( despite the inconsistencies in the treatment of this theme ) . david lean ', s effective and atmospherically perfect direction creates a high suspense  especially in the dramatic ( though not wholly plausible ) showdown . alec guinness does a magnificent job of bringing col . nicholson to life and making him such an interesting character . the other actors deliver very good performances as well . jack hildyard ', s fine color cinematography and the apt score are also helpful . i like this extraordinary film despite its weaknesses . ( c ) karl rackwitz ( klein k ? ris  germany  1999 )
pos of the major horror sub - genres  vampire movies are easily the most adaptable . think about it . frankenstein movies haven ', t changed all that much because they still need that mad - scientist - in - bavarian - castle setting . if you made a frankenstein movie today  you ', d have to have the monster be a virus or something -- and outside of michael j . fox  there aren ', t any actors that could play a virus convincingly . movies about mummies would still have to be set in egypt . there ', s not much you can do with werewolves except take them to london or paris  unless you want to have a teenage werewolf or something . ( and there ', s that michael j . fox thing again . ) but you can have vampires do anything  and you can place them in any genre you want  just about . you can have traditional vampire movies ( bram stoker ', s dracula ) or have the anne rice version ( interview with the vampire )  or play it for laughs ( vampire in brooklyn ) . you can put vampires in locales from sunny southern california ( the lost boys ) to squalid mexican dives ( from dusk till dawn ) to your local high school ( buffy  the vampire slayer ) . were it not redundant  you could have a movie about a law firm full of vampires . any day now  i expect we ', ll see a movie about a vampire third baseman who has to decide whether to play a day game in order to break the home run record . or  you can insert the vampire legend into a hong kong action movie -- and when you do that  you get blade . wesley snipes has the chow yun fat role in this movie -- the silent  expressionless hit man who destroys everything in his path . in this case  the everything happens to be vampires that explode into cgi shards instead of dead  bleeding corpses . snipes has less to say here than as the fugitive in u . s . marshals  but does a demonstrably better job here as a half - vampire wreaking vengeance on the bloodsuckers . blade is a silent  brooding presence  laying waste to vampires without a shred of remorse . he is as cold as his silver - bladed sword  as single minded as his garlic - filled bullets . yet  he ', s not without quirks : blade drives a battered muscle car and has to glean rolex watches from his vampire victims in order to stay solvent . like any good hong kong movie  blade is heavy on the chopsocky action . for some reason  blade spends a lot more time using his kung fu artistry than using the traditional anti - vampire weapons of garlic and silver . ( blade dismisses a man - portable arc lamp as being too heavy  although it looks to be a more efficient tool to dispatch vampires . ) unfortunately  the guiding hand of john woo is absent from this film  relegating blade to the status of the replacement killers  which it most strongly resembles . the replacement killers is the last movie i saw that i didn ', t review -- mostly because it made no impression on me  and i couldn ', t remember anything other than noise  violence  and the intensity of fat ', s performance . blade has a little more going for it  and has the vampire myth to draw from -- but other than that  it ', s the same kind of movie -- exciting  with well choreographed action scenes  but with no resonance . with a stronger villain ( stephen dorff is ( pardon the pun ) curiously bloodless as the head vampire  leaving us to wonder what denis leary might have done with the role )  a wittier script  and a strong supporting cast  blade might have been able to rise beyond the level of commonplace summer entertainment . as it is  blade is an average action movie that serves to do nothing but remind us that the summer movies just keep getting dumber and the vampire movies just keep multiplying .
pos when quentin tarantino made " pulp fiction "  he was not only making the greatest film of the 90s ; he was also making what i believe to be the most influential movie of all time . but before you send me hate - mail for not giving that title to " citizen kane "  hear me out . much like " citizen kane "  " pulp fiction " has changed movie making forever . but i think the latter has had a tad more impact . " pulp fiction " has actually ushered in a new era of film making . it has altered the way films will be viewed . " fiction " has spawned so many imitations  i ', ve lost count . sure  some have been excellent ( " bound " and " the usual suspects " spring immediately to mind )  but any serious movie - goer recognizes " pulp fiction " as the original neo - noir of the 90s . in this review  i hope to change all the people ', s minds who have criticized it for it ', s excessive profanity and violence ( which  by the way  isn ', t really that graphic ) . the most brilliant aspect of tarantino ', s masterpiece is the screenplay . it is filled with so much classic dialogue ( the " quarter pounder with cheese " speech will go down in history )  it should be required reading for any film student  if it isn ', t already . the story ( told in unorthodox non - linear format ) centers around three main episodes  all of which eventually intertwine . the first  titled " vincent vega and marcellus wallace ', s wife "  deals with a very loaded john travolta ( i forgot to mention the cool heroin shoot - up sequence ) taking mia wallace ( a star - making performance by uma thurman )  his bosses wife  out on a date to a cool 50s restaurant called jack rabbit slim ', s . they talk for a while ( with the occasional " uncomfortable silence " )  mostly about a guy called tony rocky horror . after giving marcellus ', new bride a foot massage  he was thrown off a building and into a greenhouse  giving him a " speech impediment " . they also partake in a cool dance contest and end up twisting to the chuck berry classic " you never can tell " . i won ', t reveal the rest of the story  but i ', ll definitely say that it turns out to be a real bummer of a night  despite the cool trophy they win . the second story ( the least of the three but still four stars ) stars bruce willis ( proving he can play someone other than john mcclain in the " die hard " flicks ) as boxer butch coolidge . previously in the film ( like i said  it ', s told in non - linear form )  he had made a deal with marcellus wallace that he would take a fall in a match . as it turns out  he not only doesn ', t take the fall  but he ends up actually killing his opponent . he takes a cab to his half - witted girlfriend ', s apartment  and to make a long story short  ends up going back to his own place to retrieve a gold watch  sort of a family heirloom explained by christopher walken in a hilarious flash - back sequence . on his way home  he bumps into ( literally ) marcellus . the two winde up prisoner to two hillbilly sex murderers  which results in the infamous " gimp " scene  which is very reminicent of the " squeal like a pig ! " scene from " deliverance " . the last ( and best  in my opinion ) of the episodes features john travolta ( again ) and samuel l . jackson ( in the best performance of any supporting actor ever ) as two slightly off - kilter hitmen trying to rid themselves of a bloody car . they seek help with a friend of jackson ', s ( played by the q - man himself )  desperately in need of a stress ball . they end up calling a " cleaner " of sorts  played by the god among men harvey keitel  to help them out . in the end  the story brilliantly loops around itself  actually ending where it began . if you haven ', t already seen the film ( or even if you have  for that matter )  i suggest you invest your money in a copy of the letterbox collectors edition . it features two previously unreleased scenes and the original film restored how it was originally meant to be seen . earlier today  i bought this version and watched it a few hours ago . what the pan - and - scan did to this movie is inexcusable . that version cut out  like  half the movie . what i have missed in the past years of viewing this flick is amazing . for instance  when travolta and jackson are in the apartment near the end  the widescreen version allows you to see that several things on the walls make crosses . this might help explain the divine intervention that takes place . just a theory . . . one of the things that pisses people off so much about this movie is that tarantino borrowed alot of scenes from other movies ( i . e . " psycho " " kiss me deadly "  " deliverance "  etc . ) . but why shouldn ', t he ? it ', s not like he out - right and blatantly stole . give the guy a break . in case you haven ', t already noticed  i believe " pulp fiction " is a supremely excellent film and one of the best of all time ( up there with such greats as " casablanca " and " the godfather " ) . trust me  you will not see a better film come out of the 90s . and besides  it ', s one hell of a ride . note : if anyone knows how i could get a " bad motherfucker " wallet  please e - mail me . any help would be greatly appreciated .
pos there ', s some movies i enjoy even though i know i probably shouldn ', t and have a difficult time trying to explain why i did . " lucky numbers " is a perfect example of this because it ', s such a blatant rip - off of " fargo " and every movie based on an elmore leonard novel and yet it somehow still works for me . i know i ', m in the minority here but let me explain . the film takes place in harrisburg  pa in 1988 during an unseasonably warm winter . john travolta plays the local big - shot tv weatherman who is idolized by the townsfolk as if he were john travolta himself and not the bumbling russ richards . russ is married to crystal ( lisa kudrow )  a blonde bimbo if ever there was one in the history of cinema . she ', s a selfish  nasty bitch full of lust and desire but somehow she got the job of the lottery ball girl - not exactly the most intellectually taxing job on the market . crystal ', s cheating on russ with their collective boss dick ( ed o ', neil )  the tv station manager . she doesn ', t seem to genuinely like either of them  but it ', s all she can do in this one - horse town . much like " fargo  " this movie tells the story of a man who ', s going broke and has to pull off a huge scam to get rich quick . he enlists the help of his english friend gig ( tim roth )  the local stripclub owner who tells him how to fix the lottery . along the way a subplot involving a two - bit thug named  accurately  " dale the thug " ( michael rappaport ) gets mixed up in the process . there ', s also a bookie that somehow gets thrown in the mix once the deal goes down . i ', m not going to elaborate much further on the plot and story because it continues to unwind and take twists and turns you ', re not expecting . this is a farce  which is basically a straightforward  adult - oriented comedy but doesn ', t go as far as a classic black comedy should . where as " fargo " was sometimes shocking and disturbing while being funny  " lucky numbers " is just funny because you can ', t take these characters in these outrageous situations seriously . it ', s all a big cartoon basically  but it ', s funny and i can respect that . travolta is great in his role and even though he ', s not a really likable character  he ', s trying to be a nice guy despite the fact he ', s a creep . he ', s like a gangster with morals who genuinely feels sorry for the guys he has to kill . crystal is just the opposite  she ', s constantly arguing and using whatever brain cells she has left to look out for herself . kudrow is perfect in this role since she ', s spent 8 years on tv as the dim - witted phoebe on " friends . " here is character is basically a very evil incarnation of phoebe . i have to admit i was honestly surprised and pleased by how the plot unraveled and the methods each of the main characters use to try to get their share of the money . like " jackie brown  " ( an elmore leonard adaption )  the story is about a circle of 10 characters all after the lottery money that has been won illegally . the screenplay does a fine job in balancing the characters and slowly revealing their motivations and hidden agendas while at the same time keep russ richards the main focus . more and more characters are introduced and since the film has such an iconic  cartoony atmosphere you can take on faith just what makes the minor characters do what they do . the ending itself is great . it ', s surprising and funny and makes you feel good . you realize this film has packed in about 10 different movies ', worth of stories into two hours ', time and didn ', t fall apart ( although many other critics might beg to differ ) . i liked it  and i could see it again - isn ', t that what makes a movie good ?
pos this summer  one of the most racially charged novels in john grisham ', s series  a time to kill  was made into a major motion picture . on january 3 of this year  director rob reiner basically re - released the film under the title of ghosts of mississippi . based on the true story of 1963 civil rights leader medgar evars ', assassination  ghosts of mississippi revolves around the 25 - year legal battle faced by myrlie evars ( whoopi goldberg  sister act ) and her quest to have her husband ', s obvious assassin and racist byron de la beckwith ( james woods  casino ) jailed . so she turns to assistant district attorney and prosecutor bobby delaughter ( alec baldwin  heaven ', s prisoners ) to imprison the former kkk member . ghosts sets its tone with an opening montage of images from african - american history  from slave - ship miseries to life in the racist south of the 1960 ', s . but all too soon  the white folks take over  intoning lines like " what ', s america got to do with anything ? this is mississippi ! " as beckwith  james woods  with his head larded with latex most of the time as an old man  teeters between portraying evil and its character . meanwhile  goldberg turns in a very serious and weepy performance as the wife who wouldn ', t let her husband ', s death rest until she got the conviction . both deserve serious oscar - consideration . this brings us to the dull performance of baldwin . let ', s face it  trying to match matthew mcconaughey ', s wonderful acting in a time to kill is basically impossible . and baldwin is living proof of this  as no emotions could be felt . it seemed as if he actually had to struggle to shed a single tear . either poor acting or poor directing  but something definitely went wrong . another strange mishap was the fact that goldberg ', s facial features didn ', t change  as she looked the same in the courtroom as she did holding her husband ', s dead body 25 - years earlier . yet woods ', was plastered with enough make up to make him look like goldberg ', s father . at least the make - up was realistic . with some emotional moments in the poorly written script  ghosts of mississippi lacked in heart  when its predecessor  a time to kill  brought tears to everyone ', s eyes . don ', t get me wrong  the movie wasn ', t all that bad  but if you ', ve seen grisham ', s masterpiece  then don ', t expect this one to be an excellent film . ])
pos towards the middle of " the sweet hereafter  " a crowded school bus skids on an icy road surface as it rounds a bend  careens through the steel guard rail  and disappears out of sight . then  in long shot  we see the vehicle slowly sliding across what looks like a snow - covered field . it pauses for a moment before the " field " cracks under the bus ', weight and the bright yellow vehicle vanishes in an effortless moment  a single smooth second of time . compare that scene  if you will  to the last eighty minutes of " titanic  " when the behemoth sinks slowly and spectacularly to its watery demise  and you ', ll appreciate the futility of comparing greatness in films . the scene in " the sweet hereafter " epitomizes all that ', s right with independent canadian director atom egoyan ', s film . it ', s not sensational . we don ', t see the inside of the bus with its payload of screaming  terrified children being bloodied and battered about . the bus doesn ', t explode or break into a thousand tiny pieces . it simply leaves the road and silently slips beneath the surface of a frozen lake . it ', s a horrifying sequence made all the more so by calm and distance . using a non - linear approach to his narrative  egoyan shifts back and forward in time  connecting us with the inhabitants of the small british columbian town who have been severely affected by this tragedy . fourteen children died in the accident  leaving their parents and the town itself paralyzed with grief . the catalyst at the center of the film is ambulance chaser mitchell stephens ( a wonderfully moving performance by ian holm )  who comes to sam dent to persuade the townsfolk to engage in a class action suit . stephens  who " doesn ', t believe in accidents  " functions as a concerned  involved observer  scribbling details in his notebook and providing the parents with an opportunity to reach some kind of closure in the harrowing aftermath . while stephens ', initial drive may be financial ( one third of the total settlement if he wins )  his involvement provides him more with an outlet to come to grips with his own loss . his self - destructive  drug - addicted daughter has been in and out of clinics  halfway houses and detox units for years . egoyan ', s attention to detail and ability to establish mood are so impeccable that even the sound of a kettle boiling resonates like a plaintive cry . mychael danna  who composed the shimmering music for " the ice storm  " contributes another memorable score that shivers and tingles . equally impressive is paul sarossy ', s cinematography  capturing the imposing canadian mountainsides and low - hanging fogs as splendidly as his shadowy interiors -- in one scene a bright wall calendar serves to illuminate portions of a room . " the sweet hereafter  " while undeniably grim  urges the viewer to grab onto life with both hands and not let go . it ', s a film of generous subtlety and emotion .
pos losing a job is not an all too uncommon thing . reacting to such a personal setback by taking a group of small children hostage is a bit more rare . while we all might feel the desire to blow someone ', s head off with a shotgun when they don ', t seem to grasp our point of view  actually threatening them with one is usually something we avoid . this isn ', t the case with sam baily - john travolta ', s slightly askew average - joe persona in mad city . " i don ', t think people listen to guys like me  " sam laments during an exclusive interview from behind the walls of a museum . just a few days ago  sam was a guard at this same museum  but when cutbacks led to the elimination of his security position  sam ', s apprehension resulted in a brash decision . in an effort to get his ex - boss  museum director mrs . banks ( blythe danner )  to " just listen "  he barges into the museum one day equipped with a fully loaded shotgun  taking the uncooperative banks and a group of school children hostage . sam ', s overall concern is valid enough - if he loses his job  his paycheck  his benefits  etc .  his wife and two children won ', t be provided for . he ', s not a lunatic or a hot - tempered madman  he ', s somewhat like a child - panicky  compulsive  and running on emotion - and his naive intentions aren ', t helped any by the fact that banks wasn ', t overly compassionate with the let go . overall  he ', s just like you and me - except that he has the capacity to view the line we ', d deem " far enough " as the starting mark of some crazy race . meanwhile  television reporter max brackett ( dustin hoffman ) is also on the scene . covering a " fluff " story for the evening news concerning the museum cutbacks  max suddenly finds himself in the middle of the biggest - breaking news story he ever could ', ve hoped for . having been demoted from network newsman to smalltime affiliate reporting  max is anxious to turn this into his  and only his  story . max immediately bonds with sam . max even coaches sam thru hostage negotiations and writes scripts for him to use with the police over the phone . at first  max ', s intentions don ', t stretch beyond high ratings and a good boost to the ole pride factor  but as he gets to know sam more personally  he begins to sympathize and even become somewhat of an advocate for him . the media  however  is creating a frenzy that leaves the fickle public shifting gears as often as a diesel truck moving downhill . the accidental shooting of ex - co - worker cliff ( bill nunn )  a black security guard  becomes one of the main factors in the controversy over sam ', s honest ambitions . also involved in this film are robert prosky as lou potts  head of the news department of the station max falls directly under  and alan alda as the nationally famed reporter kevin hollander  who uses his network power to try and outshine max . alda and prosky both turn in fine performances that fit like gloves on their acting abilities . then there is mia kirshner  who plays the young tv station intern laurie . she falls under max ', s wings only to become a student taught too well in the way of sensationalistic reporting . kirshner ', s credits are relatively small for now  including roles in films like exotica and the forgettable sequel to the crow . still  kirshner ', s character transformation shows that she has shining ability to play both good girl and kinda - bitchy - in - a - reserved - way roles . i wouldn ', t mind seeing her in some more prevalent parts  where perhaps her talent will be able to blossom more fully onscreen . while the viewpoint of the media as a greedy  self - righteous monster has indeed been tackled before  mad city provides a solid two hours of enjoyability . hoffman and travolta are both excellent actors  and seeing them together is a real treat . they both do a great job at smoothly and naturally becoming their characters  and they provide enough chemistry for us to genuinely care for both . there is quite a bit of humor in this film  and without it  it could ', ve fallen into a drab  cliched social statement more likely to garner sleep from the audience than applause . this isn ', t a flick that will grip at both your funny bone and your heart  but it will lightly touch both  making for a recommendable movie . if for nothing more than the opportunity to watch both hoffman and travolta at the same time  i urge you to check this one out .
pos as much as i wanted to like this film as i went into it  the more pleased i was when i left . first  getting through all the usual lines of newspaper glitz : " if you liked scream  you ', ll love wild things ! " " campbell gives a stunning performance ! " " this twisty plot will have you dazzled for days ! " ( oh yeah  the day a newspaper uses these is the day neve campbell falls in love with me ) now  onto more serious stuff ( and with this film  i mean that in nearly a sarcastic way ) . wild things has single - handedly broken down the rules surrounding the r rating from the mpaa . i ', m not saying that in a bad way  but when you see this film  you may be shocked by what you see . however  perhaps the mpaa was pleased by the film ', s charming cast and tricky plot  that they let the film slide with an r rating . being mormon  i ', m bound to hear an uproar from religious zealots warning me not to see the film . trouble is  i have already seen it . and i like it ! wild things is a film noir of the 90s  filled with 40s sensibilities  and yet breaking the rules and modern - day taboos of 90s culture . the style in which it is filmed is rich in color . the actors are all gorgeous people  seemingly drawn from the same gene pool and placed into this film . sure  it ', s all too good to be true  but ain ', t it fun to watch ? when movies like this come along ( sort of a better version of basic instinct ) there is bound to be people who either love it or hate it . there will be people who don ', t want to admit liking what they see  but i tell you  most anyone who sees this will like it . wild things begins at blue bay high school  the one high school in the world that any teenager would love to get into . it ', s almost as if students are put through entrance exams just for admittance ( totally based on looks alone ) . of course  there are those select few who may look slightly ugly  but compared to the average person  they are gorgeous . immediately  the film finds its tone and the audience settles in for an enjoyable time . we can turn off our brains  right ? wrong . while you may be expecting one thing to happen  it certainly doesn ', t turn out that way . the film begins in a classroom  with nearly all the main characters present . there ', s sam lombardo ( matt dillon )  a counselor for the students . he ', s heading the class discussion . there ', s also kelly van ryan ( denise richards )  a snobby rich teen who has fallen in love with sam . teaching the class  however  are two policemen : ray duquette ( kevin bacon ) and gloria perez ( daphne rubin - vega )  who want to talk about ', sex . . . ( cheers ) crimes ( boos ) ', . " what is a sex crime ? " ray asks . " not gettin ', any ! " one student responds . this pretty much sets the tone of the film we are about to watch . however  upon hearing this  one student  suzie toller ( neve campbell )  stands up and leaves the room  commenting that they can both kiss part of her body . and so  wild things sets into motion . quickly  kelly begins hitting on sam  but sam doesn ', t want anything to do with her advances . kelly is stubborn and continues to pursue him . she even pleads with him to let her wash his jeep . surprisingly  that ', s really all i can tell you about the plot . any more would give away one of the many crucial plot twists . and what ', s more  these plot twists are actually unpredictable . going along the way of scream  wild things maintains that film ', s surprises  and then adds even more to them . there are more plot twists in this film than probably any i have ever seen . and even though you think you may get tired of them  the surprises are so genuine that it ', s rather pleasing . going back over them in my mind  nearly all of them work  though some stretch the boundaries of belief . thankfully  the convoluted plot doesn ', t give us much time to think about each one  pouncing yet another twist on us before the shock of the previous one has worn off . as for the critics who complain that the film is trashy -- well  it is . this is pretty much just one trashy film . however  it is the kind of trashy that isn ', t hard to watch . it ', s good trash  in a sense . one  the screenplay knows that it ', s not to be taken seriously  and it includes a lot of humor and satire into the story . this varies everywhere from kelly ', s mother ( theresa russell )  who is more of a caricature of rich people  all the way to an ambulance - chasing lawyer ( bill murray )  who wears a neck - brace to cover an insurance scam he is running . bill murray also provides the best character in the film  and most of the genuine laughs . and two  the sex is more than gratuitous  although not unwelcomed . wild things is supposed to have sex in it ( what film with that title wouldn ', t ? )  and this movie breaks the boundaries . instead of having heterosexual sex scenes  it also includes lesbian scenes between denise richards and neve campbell ( don ', t worry . . . it ', s not as graphic as you might think ) . the heterosexual scenes are quite graphic  but the surprise shocker is kevin bacon ', s full - frontal nude scene . it ', s very brief  so if you blink  you may miss ( ahem ) it . and  for as long as i can remember  i don ', t think i have seen an r - rated film show an erect one before ( it ', s not completely  but judging from the audiences ', reaction  it was more than they expected too ) . also  during one scene late in the film  there seemed to be a relationship brewing between bacon and dillon ', s characters  but nothing came of it ( makes you wonder if the director had to cut it in order for the r rating  or if the actors refused to do it ) . what first made me want to see wild things was its cast . neve campbell  of course  has been one of my favorite actresses since the scream films were released . here  however  she turns every typical role she has done on its head and plays a gothic pothead . the closest role to this was her performance in the craft ( though even in that she was a nice girl ) . campbell is probably the best in the film and shows her wide range of talent . you can tell she will be around for a long time . denise richards will also be around for a long time  although she may be limited to the roles without much range . here  she gets to express more emotions than in her stiff ( yet effective ) performance in starship troopers . hopefully one day she will land a very good role that can display her ability . and then there is daphne rubin - vega  a newcomer to the movies . she gives a very good performance  although her character is mostly left to the background for the first hour and a half . towards the end she does get a bigger part . on the male side  matt dillon is probably the best  giving a subtle performance that surprises with every twist . kevin bacon has a slightly wooden character  but he makes the most of it . you must have admiration  though  for what he did on screen . and judging from many of the women ', s reactions in the theater to that shot  they have grown a deeper appreciation for bacon ( yeah  right ) . and then there is bill murray . his performance is the comic relief  and he nearly steals the film . as a whole  the entire cast works wondrously together  and they seem at home  even when doing the menage a troi . director john mcnaughton  who has previously done the critically acclaimed henry : portrait of a serial killer  has constructed a wonderfully twisty plot that works . his direction is smooth and stylish . the visuals are striking  filled with rich colors  and almost so realistic that we can actually breathe the humidity in the air . however  he seems more at home when the actors aren ', t talking . his fly - by shots of the swampy areas are brilliant  and his photography of denise richards ', climbing out of the pool is a highlight . the cinematography is gorgeous in its details . its not often that you see a film like this  and we should watch it just to see how the camera can take pictures . then  there is the music . this was probably the most obvious thing to me  as it set the perfect mood for the film . it ', s hard to describe in words  so just see the film and listen to it . it ', s wonderfully composed and presented . and be sure to stick around during the closing credits ! mcnaughton has finally put the ending credits to good use ( while most comedies use it for outtakes ) . he has included some small scenes which help explain the preceding events . some may say that these are lame attempts to explain the convoluted plot  but it ', s an entertaining way to finish the film . plus  there are some shocking moments in these ending credits which just add to the fun . wild things is appropriately rated r for strong sexuality  nudity  language and violence . again  the nudity is rather unnecessary  but let ', s face it -- people want to see it . so why not give it to them ? neve campbell  admirably  has a no - nudity clause in her contract  and the most you see of her is from behind as she takes her top off ( way to go  neve ! ) . the sex scenes are graphic  especially the first one we see  between the mother and one of her deck hands . one almost wonders how they got away with the r rating . the language is quite harsh too  ranging from sexual innuendo to your average  everyday profanity . and i can ', t stress it enough : don ', t allow kids under 18 to see this film . the target age for the movie is the 18 - 24 range  and that ', s who should see it . it ', s definitely not for those under 18 ! did i mention that this film is rated r ? however  for those that do get a chance to watch it  you will probably more likely be pleased  and may even take friends to see it the next time .
pos the postman delivers but not first class the postman a film review by michael redman copyright 1997 by michael redman [ warning : my opinion of this film is definitely in the minority of reviewers perhaps because it hits so many of my cinematic buttons : post - apocalypse stories  hope in a desperate situation  grassroots uprisings and kevin costner . even worse  i thought that " waterworld " was watchable . read the following with those particular grains of salt . ] it ', s the year 2013 and things have fallen apart . due to a world war in the late nineties  the resulting three - year winter and a devastating plague  life in the former united states has been reduced to isolated primitive fiefdoms . although this is the future  it looks like a western . as the film opens  kevin costner ( his character ', s name is never revealed ) is wandering the utah wastelands with only his mule bill for company . giving extraordinarily bad shakespearean performances in exchange for food and lodging  costner is an outsider in a land of outsiders . running into even worse luck  he is forcibly conscripted into the racially pure holnist army of general bethlehem ( will patton ) . the rag - tag retro - futuristic cavalry is the descendent of militia groups and is even called the " clan " after a brutal boot camp  he ( and you can see this coming a mile away ) escapes . taking shelter in a wrecked postal truck  he liberates the uniform and mail bag from the skeleton in the cab who no longer has a use for either . once he reaches oregon  land of beautiful women  bright youngsters and rock and roll ; he pretends to be a representative from the " restored congress of the united states of america " . this scam gets him inside the walled towns where the promise of mail delivery renews optimism in the hearts of the inhabitants . food and other opportunities come his way in the form of spirited abby ( olivia williams ) who wants him to father a child because her husband is sterile . shortly her husband is killed by bethlehem and she and the postman ( as costner is referred to for the rest of the film ) become a reluctant item . although the postman knows he ', s running a fraud  the concept of renewed communications sets the kids ', imagination afire ( especially ford lincoln mercury ( larenz tate )  his second - in - command ) and they form a new pony express dedicated to getting the mail through . the revived postal service doubles as an army to fight the holnists ', tyranny . the postman has become a symbol for hope in a rube goldberg manner . although the movie appeals to my sensibilities  there are so many things wrong with it that they can hardly be counted . it ', s derivitive of costner ', s own " waterworld " and clint eastwood westerns . there ', s little here that we haven ', t seen dozens of times before . the film is often down - right corny . a scene where the postman is on horseback and grabs a letter from the hands of a bright - eyed child is embarrassing in its slow - motion banality . the film ', s final few minutes should have been left on the cutting room floor . despite the film ', s excessive three hour length  several things are never explained . what was the war about ? how did civilization change so rapidly ? everyone has horses : where did all they come from ? the " law of eights " that bethlehem lives by seems to have its origins somewhere beyond the film  but where ? are we to believe that the rest of the world is in the same shape and hasn ', t made their way west to help or conquer ? there is some jumbled symbolism here that doesn ', t appear to make sense . the tale is obviously saying that communication can defeat evil in much the same way that the internet has the potential to topple governments  but beyond that there are some oddities . the evil army is called " holnists " which sounds coincidentally like the new age " holism "  but why ? is it another coincidence that it takes place in 2013  just one year after many ancient prophesies ( including the ending of the mayan calendar ) predict a new world for mankind ? why is the general named " bethlehem " ? there seems to be some reason for that  but what ? sometimes the movie feels like a joke . an army of postal workers armed with guns ? considering the headlines of recent years  it takes a tremendous leap of faith to cheer for these guys . it ', s even more difficult to accept those re - powering the federal government as the heroes . given the current climate of the country and the distrust of big government  it ', s asking a lot for the audience to get behind the film ', s nationalism . even with its numerous flaws  the movie all comes together  if only for those who have the same weaknesses that i have . it ', s doubtful that " the postman " is going to find much of an audience  but a few of us are going to have a good time . besides we ', re all awaiting the fall of civilization caused by the year 2000 millennium computer bug . ( michael redman has written this column for over 22 years and would like to announce that the " michael redman " arrested near indianapolis last week for accepting an illicit package from federal express is  to the best of his knowledge  not him . perhaps this similarly - named person should have used kevin costner ', s postal service . )
pos there are certain people in the world who have some talent that very few people have  but they chose not to take advantage of this for some personal reason . " good will hunting " is about one of those people . the will hunting of the ( horrible ) title ( let ', s face it  this film would be a bitch to title )  played by co - writer matt damon  is a mathematical genius . he can do almost any mathematical connundrum in about the time it takes to brew a cup of irish cream cappuccino . and he works at mit . . . as the janitor . one day  the professor of one of the most challenging courses  proffessor lambeau ( " breaking the waves " ', s stellan skarsg ? rd )  puts a big problem on the board for his students to attempt to complete . the next day  it ', s already done on the board  but no one in his class claims to have done it . so lambeau puts another problem on the board  this time one that took he and his colleagues over two years to prove . and  duh  it ', s done again . of course  they catch the guy who did it red handed - will . before lambeau can find will again ( he ran away when he caught him )  will has gotten into a fight with a bunch of punks on a basketball court  and struck a police officer  so lambeau gets him out on probation with two agreements : a ) he work with him on math  and b ) he get some therapy . after going through some therapists whom he psyches out in one way or another ( for a hypnotist  he fakes being under his spell  then launches into an impromptu performance of the 70s classic  " afternoon delight " ) . finally  lambeau ', s old college roomate  sean mcguire ( robin williams )  a psych professor  agrees to treat him  and the two begin a rocky relationship  as sean tries to get will to open up . turns out will had a rough childhood  being abandoned  and placed in foster homes and what not . it also turns out that will does not want to do simple mathematics all his life ; he wants a challenge . and that is to hang out with his buds ( including the other co - writer  ben affleck )  and do honorable jobs  like construction . is it right to make this genius follow in the footsteps of einstein and kasinsky ? should this guy be forced to do something he doesn ', t want to do ? this appears to be one of the million questions in this film  which is jam - packed with greatness  but does not have the totally brilliant whole it should . i ', m not saying " good will hunting " is a bad film at all . it ', s a very enjoyable film with tons of great moments  and lots of great things about it . the acting is amazing  with two oscar - nomination - worthy performances from damon and williams  who have amazing chemistry together . we also get some great support from stellan skarsg ? rd ( great name )  ben affleck  and from minnie driver  who plays will ', s love interest  skylar . there are tons of individual moments that i adored . i loved all the comedy in the film  especially a scene where damon proves a schmuck out of a college student who is quoting a historian to impress some chicks  his various attempts at therapy  and of course  my favorite scene in the entire film  the one where he delivers a long  exstensive rant to some nsa agents about the downside of working for them . i liked the relationship between some of the people  like will and skylar  will and sean  sean and lambeau  and will and his friends . there are scenes between them which are just amazing to watch . and there are even moments in the film which are so honest in their portrayal  that i felt rightfully uncomfortable . like the break - up scene between will and skylar  will and sean ', s first meeting  a bar scene between sean and lambeau  and a scene where sean tells in detail how he doesn ', t regret meeting his first wife  who would later suffer a slow  painful death  and leave him lonely and slightly bitter . however  the main flaw of the film is there ', s too much of everything  and not enough of it either . the film tries for deeper relations between the characters  but they ', re sometimes either overwritten or underwritten . take for example the relationship between sean and will : the film gets an interesting father / son as well as doctor / patient relationship going with out any problems  but when it tries to show them as equals  it falls on its face . we hear how they went to the same town  and there are even scenes where the film shows how hypocritical both of them are at times . but this never takes off like the other parts of their relationship do . also  will ', s relationship with his best friend  chuckie ( affleck )  has a nice climax  but not enough rising action . we see them joking around  but when chuckie arrives at a decision between the two of them  it seems more like a superficial reasoning than a more selected one . their relationship never goes beyond " just best friends  " and his decision just seems to be a generalization of any two best friends instead of something more . . . human . maybe it was just me . and it also goes for a parallelism with the relationship between sean and lambeau  but that  again  is underwritten . and  of course  as in most films like this  the girl / boy relationship is pretty underwritten . we never understand what they see in each other  so when skylar confesses that she loves him  it seems more like it ', s there for plot details that anything else . minnie driver is interesting  though  and breathes life into her character . the writing is a bit at fault here  but what makes all this worthwhile is the little moments in the film where it acheives true awesomeness . sure  it feels overstuffed  but it ', s extremely enjoyable . the dialogue that affleck and damon have written is amazingly fresh  and seems extremely human . i think that they should get a nomination for their script chiefly because of the dialogue  which is amazing . while this is probably director gus van sant ', s most conservative film ( you ', d hardly know it ', s the same director of " to die for  " the only van sant film i ', ve seen  really )  it ', s still a pretty remarkable film  albeit a tad overrated ( what ', s this " best picture " deal ? ) . and if a film puts a smile on my face despite posessing a lot of flaws  i have no problem with reccomending it to anyone .
pos i guess it ', s a credit to jackie chan and the general likeability of the franchise that rush hour 2 could not be ruined even by the nauseating " comedy " of chris tucker . i ', m a fan of jackie chan in just about any medium  and this movie lets him not only do his impressive - as - ever martial arts schtick  but show off his comic timing as well . it would have worked better if he was the only name above the title . the plot is your basic martial arts flick clothesline for stunts and special effects . this time around  the evil smugglers are led by ricky tan ( john lone )  who makes his fortune by shipping counterfeit money into the united states ( i ', m still not sure how you can make a fortune doing that : is there a place where one can exchange fake bills for real ones ? ) . the only way to tell the phony money from the genuine article is to set it on fire and see what color it burns . of course  it ', s up to hong kong detective lee ( chan ) and trash - talking lapd detective james carter ( tucker ) to take the bad guys out and the authorities  to the extent that they even exist  stay out of their way . rush hour 2 turns the tables on the first film in that here it ', s carter who gets the two of them into trouble and lee who winds up having to get them out . i guarantee that my rating would have been at least a half of a grade higher had anyone other than chris tucker been cast as the foil for jackie chan . he refuses to shut up . not only did his voice feel like a jackhammer on my head  but his jokes just aren ', t funny  a pathetic mixture of sub - par eddie murphy fasttalking blather and wannabe chris rock white - man - black - man jokes that wind up being more offensive than funny . i realize that in a movie like this some of the biggest laughs come from letting the actors ad lib beyond what the script dictates  but didn ', t anyone realize how irritating tucker ', s incessant ranting and raving was ? if this is all the comedian has to offer then i don ', t care to see any more of his films . fortunately  chan makes for a marvelous straight man  and he redeems the fledgling comedy completely . it ', s not often that one actor can so completely save a movie  but there is no other name for what he does ; whenever he ', s on screen  rush hour 2 comes to nearly breathtaking  often hilarious  life . much of it hinges on the dubious value of how cute it is to watch chan try to be a " player  " but who cares ? i can think of few high concepts that are funnier . the movie ends with outtakes that  as usual  show that chan isn ', t perfect  and that it does  indeed  take him a few tries to get some of his incredible stunts to look seamless . chris tucker botches some lines as well  and his mistakes are funnier than anything he says in the whole movie . a lot of people have pointed out rush hour 2 isn ', t very different from its predecessor in tone or style . but i liked the original  and i like the sequel  though a certain sidekick seems to have done his best to ruin it . director brett ratner ( the family man ) keeps it moving at an entertaining pace and manages to keep the laughs coming despite the fairly miserable hit to miss ratio of the jokes ( i guess sometimes the shotgun approach works ) . it ', s not great jackie chan  but it ', s jackie chan  and that ', s enough . up next : jay and silent bob strike back
pos some critics  including siskel & ebert  are on the record stating that martin scorsese ', s raging bull  the story of boxer jake la motta  is the best film of the ', 80s . since there are still a number of ', 80s films that i haven ', t seen  i don ', t feel qualified to make such a judgment  but i ', ll say this without hesitation : raging bull is a great motion picture  and i would be surprised if more than a handful of films released between january 1  1980 and december 31  1989 come close to its level . bio - pics often fall into one of two categories : overblown hero - worship or a dry  dull textbook account . it ', s rare that a movie with the moniker " based on the life of ? " comes across as anything more than sporadically energetic and marginally entertaining . raging bull is the perfect counterexample  and a brilliant argument for film makers to continue to work in this genre . the picture takes the life of boxer jake la motta  a middleweight icon from the ', 40s and ', 50s  and develops one of the most compelling character studies ever to reach the big screen . for all 129 minutes  director martin scorsese and actor robert de niro ( in the title role ) have us mesmerized by this individual who is by turns sympathetic  sad  and horrifying . historically  raging bull is said to be mostly accurately  with the lion ', s share of the details culled from la motta ', s own autobiography ( which was co - written with joseph carter and peter savage ) . however  although la motta is credited as the movie ', s " consultant  " he was reportedly unhappy with the final result  because it portrays him as nothing short of an uncouth  insensitive lout . the la motta of the movie is a man of extreme appetites who is driven by base  bestial impulses ? paranoia  jealousy  and blind rage . sex and violence are inextricably linked . the title is apt ? la motta is a raging bull . in the ring  he is a terror  not just beating his opponents  but destroying them . outside of it  he is no less vicious or more easily controlled . the two people who spar with him on life ', s canvas are his wife  vicki ( cathy moriarty )  and his brother / manager  joey ( joe pesci ) . these are the two who mean the most to jake  and who  as a result of his inability to trust himself or others  he loses . he beats vicki mercilessly because he suspects her of infidelity  and  when he inaccurately believes that his brother betrayed him  his lets loose with an explosion of violence . raging bull opens in 1941 when la motta  an up - and - coming fighter  is battling his way into the upper echelon of the middleweight class . over the years  he wins several key bouts  including one against his arch - rival  sugar ray robinson ( johnny barnes )  but his unwillingness to capitulate with the local godfather keeps him from an opportunity to participate in a championship match . meanwhile  away from the ring  la motta falls in love with 15 - year old vicki  who he marries after discarding his shrewish first wife . vicki becomes jake ', s greatest prize ( a wife  in his view  is not a companion  but a possession ) and the source of his most extreme pain . his own insecurity is so great that he cannot accept that a woman as beautiful as vicki could be faithful to him . hence  he is constantly haunted by a belief that she is sleeping with someone else ? perhaps even his brother . ( this leads to the famous line parodied in waiting for guffman and elsewhere : " are you f * * king my wife ? ? ? " ) in the late ', 40s  la motta gets his first shot at a championship fight  but with one huge condition : he must take a fall . he does it so badly that an investigation is launched and he is almost thrown out of boxing . two years later  he wins the championship  only to lose it in a subsequent bout to sugar ray . by the late ', 50s and early ', 60s  when the film ends  jake has become a pathetic figure ? a broke  overweight loser who has spent time in jail for corrupting the morals of a minor  has lost his wife and children  and is trying to earn a few bucks by doing a cheap standup routine . raging bull is the other side of rocky . sylvester stallone ', s tale of boxing triumph was released to great critical acclaim in 1976 . it won the 1977 best picture oscar  and a sequel arrived in theaters before raging bull went into production . but  where rocky romanticizes boxing  raging bull takes a cold  unflinching look at the violence both inside and outside of the ring . while scorsese ', s primary aim is to present a riveting deconstruction of la motta the man  he never backs away from showing the seedy  ugly underside of a sport where gambling  greed  and organized crime force fighters to throw matches to continue working . rocky shows boxing at its noblest ; raging bull shows it at its most diseased . there ', s little i can say here that hasn ', t already said about de niro ', s performance . in a career that has included many fine roles  this is his most outstanding . the level of intensity de niro brings to la motta is unwavering . and  although there ', s a lot of travis bickle ( de niro ', s character in taxi driver ) in la motta  scorsese and de niro go to great lengths to make sure that  if we never fully sympathize with him  at least we understand the forces that drive him . this is a complete characterization and a perfect example of acting . as the younger jake  de niro is trim and fit . as the fat  older man  de niro gained 50 pounds and turned his body into a grotesque parody of its normal form . how many actors would go that far ? the best oscar statue is only one testimony to the lasting power of the performance . cathy moriarty and joe pesci both earned nominations for their supporting work ( although neither won ) . their portrayals have the same raw energy that infuses de niro ', s . pesci  who has basically re - created the same personality in two other scorsese films ( goodfellas and casino )  presents joey as a slightly more intelligent version of his brother . the misogyny and violence are still there  only better concealed . but  when joey snaps  as he does in one scene where he pounds on a mobster ( frank vincent )  it ', s startling to behold . moriarty  on the other hand  must play the temptress with virginal qualities ? the only kind of woman who would ensnare jake . later  she ', s called upon to portray the battered wife and mother whose love has turned into fear . scorsese and cinematographer michael chapman elected to shoot the bulk of raging bull in black - and - white ( a few " home movie " segments are in color ) . the choice is perfect for the movie  giving raging bull a unique look in an era when a black - and - white approach is almost unheard of . ( one important recent exception  schindler ', s list  eschewed color for some of the same reasons that raging bull did . ) in black - and - white ( especially considering scorsese ', s choice of shots and use of slow motion )  the violence is stark and disturbing . there ', s no room for romanticism in the ring with inky black blood staining the canvas . during fight sequences  the director also uses a number of point - of - view shots designed to show the world  however briefly  from la motta ', s perspective . scorsese could have chosen to end the film with la motta ', s loss to sugar ray  where he surrendered his middleweight crown . after that  his career was all downhill . yet the director allows the film to run for thirty minutes after this pivotal moment  stretching more than a decade into la motta ', s future . the reason is obvious : scorsese isn ', t as interested in boxing as he is in the character . following his retirement  la motta is still as violent and volatile as ever  but he has lost the arena in which he can legally unleash those tendencies . we see the results of this beast let loose on society and how the consequences of his actions reduce him to a parody of his former self . who cannot feel a surge of pity for la motta as he quietly recites marlon brando ', s speech from on the waterfront ? ( " i coulda been a contenda . " ) perhaps raging bull is indeed the best film of the ', 80s . and  if not  it ', s certainly perilously close to the zenith .
pos much ballyhoo has been made over this new version of " lolita  " made in a time when one would think that a faithful adaptation of the infamous novel could be made  over its use of pedophilia  and as such  it ', s important to address it straight - forwardly  before any other ideals such as goodness and themes can be discussed  as this film has been in film limbo for a number of years  lying around in vaults san a distributor  and having critics waiting to either hail it a masterpiece or call it anticlimactic horseshit . when seeing this film  after all the hoopla  keeping in mind that there are people  namely me  who are fans of the novel  who have been eagerly awaiting this flick since its creation . . . well  you just have to wonder why no one really picked it up for distribution . what ', s even worse is that seeing this " lolita  " especially the first time and if you ', re familiar with anything " lolita  " is admittingly very anticlimactic . this is a real pity because when you really sit down to watch this film  ignoring all the crap that has preceeded it  it ', s really quite a film  perhaps the best film by director adrian lyne ( although  really  look at its competition : " flashdance  " " fatal attraction  " and " indecent proposal " )  at least besides " jacob ', s ladder . " i ', ve seen this " lolita " twice : the first time  i wasn ', t so blown away . it seemed overly dramatic and surprisingly unaffecting . the second time  not really thinking about how i ', ve waited for what seems like forever to see it and how i ', m seeing it on a tv set on a premium cable channel and not a giant movie theatre  it really affected me emotionally . the story itself is a surprisingly heartbreaking one  which is why it ', s such a good novel  and why this is such a good film . the story of a pedophile obsessed with a young 14 - year old girl named dolores a . k . a . lolita is great because it ', s not trash for the perverted but because it ', s about human obsession with things that are out of one ', s reach . its protagonist  the comically - named humbert humbert  is not your average pedophile  but a seriously wounded human being who embodies how we are all destroyed by our sick obsessions and idosyncrasies . the character of lolita is almost a symbol of the forbidden apple in christian mythology  something that will destroy us but that we can ', t live without . these ideas are all worked into this film nicely  but done in a way that is not heavy - handed at all  but instead lyrical and emotionally devastating . the focus of this film  and the reason for making it  it seems  was to really penetrate the emotional depths of the novel and bring them to life on the screen in beautifully dramatic images  and scenes which are blatantly over - stylized . the tone of the book is a comical one  but it ', s also a tragic one  and humbert  telling the story from his perspective  blows every single thing out of perspective . humbert exists in a fantsy world of his obsessions and desires  and this reflects the way the entire film has been designed . we get a sense that perhaps it ', s by doing this that humbert has really trapped himself into a fate that will ultimately leave him haggard and destroyed . he weeps uncontrollably and never lets himself get over his original 14 - year - old love  and allows himself to embody her as lolita . he lets his feelings for her navigate all his decisions  and by the end  he has nothing but overly - dramatic feelings for her . the story recognizes the extreme of this  almost out of a test  seeing if the readers will really sympathize with someone who is socially deemed a pervert  and one almost wonders while reading the book if the author  vladimir nabokov  wrote the book as a means to bring into focus his own sick obsessions  and perhaps bring them to peace . the weirdest thing about this film is that by the end  when humbert has reached the finale of his obsessional journey  we can easily sympathize and even identify with him . the opening and final images of the film are the same  and who hasn ', t done a similar action  that is wandering about without any sense of reality or anything else but a deep sadness in us ? this is the second time the novel has been adapted for the screen  the first time being filmed in - shock - 1962  by stanley kubrick  who couldn ', t possibly have brought the novel to the screen with as much faithfulness as lyne has been able to do  but did the next best thing : he economized for everything and came up with a droll black comedy about obsession in general . in that film  he used the traps of society as benefits . the studio demanded the final scene  that of a heinous murder  come first in the film so to portray humbert first as a murderer and second as a pedophile . . . and when you see it  it gives the film depth of a man trapped by obsession . the censors wouldn ', t allow anymore than a couple glances and subtle dialogue to show the  um  relationship between humbert and lolita  so kubrick decided to play it as comedy  but still allow the tragedy to seep through . looking at these two versions  especially after reading the novel ( and we all know that when we ', ve read a novel and see a film adaptation  we are bound to be angered by any size differences )  it ', s really impossible to compare them . they both go for different things  and one has a lot more room to be as sexually frank as the novel was . and although it ', s true that several scenes are similar  and are thus up for comparison  overall it ', s unfair to say which one is better and which one is worse . i have never been one for saying the level of greatness of a film adaptation of a novel is deemed by how faithful it is  and i won ', t say that here . however  this film is pretty amazing  mostly because hey  i loved the book  and this film nearly reminded me of it . it doesn ', t have nearly as much wit ( a couple comical scenes  and even a lot of good chuckles  but just not totally witty )  but it does have the same emotional toll that the novel had . some of that is in the casting of the two leads . jeremy irons  with his deep  soft british voice and gentle look  is an amazing humbert . he ', s droll in a very unique way  and  well  no one can look distraught the way he does . he brings a wonderful sympathy to the role that goes beyond pathos and really comes up as being easy to identify with the audience . and when he looks at lolita with love  and she looks at him with lust  you know that he ', s her prisoner for as long as he lives . and dominique swain  who plays the title character  is rather incredible . she pulls off the tough role even better than sue lyon did in the original  wonderfully balancing the qualities of seduction  bratiness  and self - centeredness that marks the character . it ', s easy to see why she surrenders to humbert : she loves the attention  and knows that she can have her way with him at any time . when he denies her something  she blackmails him effortlessly ( a scene involving a rocking chair and a little foot action is damn near classic )  and when he stands up to her  she weeps and runs away  leaving humbert to follow her . there are two other minor characters in the film  one who ', s a road block in the beginning  and the other who ', s a reappearing threat to the relationship . the former is charlotte  lolita ', s mother  played by melanie griffith . in the book  charlotte is a monster of a woman : overbearing  constantly scolding her child  overly - religious  and ultimately selfish . and she ', s the one obstacle humbert has to overcome to obtain his goal  at least in the beginning . as played by shelly winters in the original  she represented all these qualities ; as played by griffith here  she ', s about half of them . it ', s annoying to watch a film and play a game where you try to see who could have done the role way better than the one on screen without mentioning the actor who played them first . and even though griffith is not really bad  persay  she ', s nothing more . the other is clare quilty  the writer who is also trying to seduce lolita  and succeeds  but at a price . langella takes a totally different direction than the one peter sellars took in the original . quilty was a comic character in the original : a threat in the form of many forms  popping in states of rambling  german  proning  and eventually drunk . langella takes the other route  allowing all of the creepiness to be unearthed  and the result is a character who exists in shadows and low shots  and who meets a wonderfully ironic ending  the exact opposite of what we thought of him . as you can see  most of these are not improvements or mistakes done on the part of lyne and his screenwriter  stephen schiff  but just parts of a whole new look at the novel  at least cinema - wise . this version is beautiful  and perpetually saddening . the camera movements are stylized  and each shot is breathtakingly rich . the acting is for the most part wonderful  and when we watch it  we really get a sense that for humbert  who is telling the story  the only two people on earth most of the time were humbert and lolita . more importantly  it takes us right up the brink of emotion  then jumps right over it . by the end  with humbert sadly driving recklessly in his car  following what he says is the only part of his life he doesn ', t regret  we feel that we all lose to something we can never have .
pos capsule : side - splitting comedy that follows its own merciless logic almost through to the end . . . but not without providing a good deal of genuine laughs . most comedies these days have one flaw . they ', re not funny . they think they ', re funny  but they are devoid of anything really penetrating or dastardly . occasionally a good funny movie sneaks past the deadening hollywood preconceptions of humor and we get a real gem : ruthless people  for instance  which established a microcosm of a setup and played it out to the bitter end . liar liar is built the same way and is just about as funny . this is one of the few movies i ', ve seen where i was laughing consistently almost all the way through : instead of a couple of set - pieces that inspired a laugh ( think of the dismal fatal instinct )  the whole movie works like clockwork . jim carrey playes a high - powered lawyer  to whom lying is as natural as breathing . there is one thing he takes seriously  though : his son  and we can sense the affection that they have for each other right away . but his wife is divorced and seeing another man  and now it looks like they may move away together . the son goes with them  of course . the movie sets up this early material with good timing and a remarkable balance of jim carrey ', s over - the - top persona with reality . then the plot springs into action : after being snubbed ( not deliberately ) by his father at his birthday  the kid makes a wish as he blows out the birthday candles : that for just one day  dad can ', t lie . he gets the wish . what happens next is sidesplitting . everything turns into a confrontation : when cornered by a bum for some change  he shouts  " no ! i ', m not giving you any money because i know you ', ll spend it on booze ! all i want to do is to get to the office without having to step over the debris of our decaying society ! " he can ', t even get into an elevator without earning a black eye . and what ', s worse  he ', s now gotten himself into an expensive divorce settlement that requires him to twist the truth like abstract wire sculpture . carrey  who i used to find unfunny  has gotten better at his schtick  even if it ', s a limited one . he uses it to great effect in this movie . there is a scene where he tries to test his ability to lie and nearly demolishes his office in the process ( there ', s a grin breaking out across my face right now  just remembering the scene ) . he can ', t even write the lie ; his fingers twitch  his body buckles like someone in the throes of cyanide poisoning  and when he tries to talk it ', s like he ', s speaking in tongues . equally funny is a scene where he beats himself to a pulp ( don ', t ask why )  tries to drink water to keep from having outbursts in the courtroom ( it fails  with semi - predictable results )  and winds up biting the bullet when he gets called into the boardroom to have everyone ask what they think of them . this scene alone may force people to stop the tape for minutes on end . the movie sustains its laughs and also its flashes of insight until almost the end . a shame  too  because the movie insists on having a big  ridiculous climax that involves carrey ', s character flagging down a plane using a set of motorized stairs  then breaking his leg  etc . a simple reconciliation would do the trick . why is this stupid pent - up climax always obligatory ? it ', s not even part of the movie ', s real agenda . thankfully  liar liar survives it  and so does carrey . maybe they were being merciful  on reflection . if i ', d laughed any more  i might have needed an iron lung .
pos maybe the most important thing about this movie is that it ', s not handled like the hallmark hall of fame movie of the month  because it very well could have been a manipulative tearjerker  broadcasted on abc on a monday night  starring kelly martin and yasmeen bleeth  respectively . because it ', s not handled like the greatest story ever told is precisely why it ', s so great . underneath the to - die - for cinematography  the brilliant acting  and incessantly wonderful direction is a film of modesty  not sure whether or not this story is totally great but with the balls to run with it  tell it in a certain original way . it doesn ', t merely go from plot point to plot point . it goes from character to character . it obsesses itself with the depth and the style of it all  and makes the story of a world - reknowned cellist who contracts ms and dies prematurely into the story of two sisters  both musicians  who have a totally unique relationship . it ', s that their relationship is the center of the story that makes this film transcend any cornball  shamelessly tired tearjerker qualities it could have had and makes this  unlike " patch adams  " effortlessly emotional and real . in short  this movie is just awesome . it merely tells its story really well  and that ', s something that just has to be commended these days  when most stories are botched because they ', re not told by great storytellers . director anand tucker tells this story well . he overdramaticizes everything  but still keeps it real . the film tells the story of hilary and jacqueline du pr ? ( rachel griffiths and emily watson  respectively )  two sisters who are first seen in childhood ( played by auriol evans and keely flanders  respectively ) as the very best of friends . they are also both musicians  hilary a flutist and jackie a cellist  and when it all begins  both are considered child prodigies  but hilary is seen as the better of the two . jackie  a bit jealous  works and works at her playing skills  and soon the tables are turned . when they both hit adulthood  hilary strives for a comeback  while her sister is playing in famous halls around the world  but instead of fame  captures the heart of a hapless  joyful conductor  kiffer finzi ( david morissey  in a semi - star - making turn ) . they marry  after a short courtship  and move to a lovely country house  making jackie incredibly jealous since her cello playing becomes a symbol of her current life : when she plays  she has the eyes of the world  but when she stops  she ', s alone . she enters into a shallow relationship with an equally famous pianist  daniel barenboim ( james frain )  in hopes that she may overcloud her sister  but she eventually begins to lose it  and runs away to hilary ', s country home  where she hopes to gain admittance by hilary to sleep with her husband  since no one she sleeps with gives her any pleasure . it ', s all terribly melodramtic  as you can see  and by the time jackie has contracted ms ( in a brilliantly edited scene that surpasses the breakdown scene in the semi - smiliar " shine " in technical and emotional devastation )  it would have been the time that i could easily call the sign for melodramatic overload if it hadn ', t been handled in such a way . the key thing here is that it ', s not about her gradual death and slip into insanity but rather that it ', s about her tumultuous relationship with her sister  which  i might add  is perfectly realized . their relationship is the most down - to - earth complex entity of the year : they love eachother more than anyone else in the entire world  but they ', re also completely jealous of one another . when a young jackie surpasses her playing abilities  she tries in vain to make a comeback but can ', t  and almost seems to marry to get back at jackie for her success . when jackie lands on top and sees her sister marry a wonderful man  she is jealous of her lifestyle to the most extensive brinks that i ', ve ever seen in a film ( only two sisters who truly love eachother would dare share the same man ) . and the whole time  their love for eachother is never doubted or even tested . another thing i really liked is emily watson ', s performance . i usually make it a note to never overpraise an actor for playing either a drunkard or a lunatic or someone with a mortal disease ( or any combination of the three ) . my reasoning for this is that it ', s a fucking easy job . the worst case for this very year may be thandie newton in " beloved " : sure  she ', s good  but what ', s so tough about playing a woman who stumbles around  slurs her words together  and acts like a three year old inside a 20 - year old ', s body ? hell  i could play that if i had a pair of breasts . in that same exact movie  though  is a performance by kimberly elise where she has to be the rock that holds the family together as her mother slowly goes insane  her brothers run off never to be seen again  and her mother ', s lover is scared off . she has to actually deal with real emotions  something much harder than mere stumbling about . but the academy of arts and sciences loves loves loves overpraising performances like newtons . if you don ', t believe me  look at jack nicholson ', s performance in " as good as it gets " : great performance  but easy job . this isn ', t so for watson  though  because her insanity comes from real emotions  not just a plot point . and thanks to the opening sequence  where we see her and hilary as kids  we understand the motives behind all her actions  and by the time she actually contracts ms and begins to loose her sanity and her life  we ', ve already understood that this is the last straw for a woman plagued with terrible neuroses . rachel griffiths  who would have otherwise been the understudy to watson ', s protagonist  actually matches watson step - for - step  because as watson grows insane  and demands unspeakable things from her  griffiths holds her own  and has to deal with what she is able to give her sister who needs emotional help from her . griffiths  an otherwise unknown actress ( and watson being famous from " breaking the waves " and " the boxer " )  is absolutely brilliant  just as absolutely brilliant as watson is  and if the academy and all the other critics groups  who ', ve already deemed watson ', s performance the best of the year  glance over hers because she ', s the one who doesn ', t get to go insane ( read : she gets the boring role )  then the scream of hysteria you hear will be from me . after all  griffiths has the thankless job of keeping things real - the tom cruise role in " rainman " ( the one who should have gotten oscar consideration and not hoffman ) . she does  and if anyone deserves accolades from the academy this year  it ', s griffiths . together  the two actresses work extremely well  though  and both have to go through deep emotional hell  the likes of which haven ', t been seen this year . if it hadn ', t been for an otherwise not - totally - great final section that deals way too much with jackie and not enough with hilary ( when the two had gotten equal treatment for the entirety )  i ', d say this is one of the top ten best films of the year . it ', s so close to perfection  in its structure  its treatment of its subject  and its beautiful technical specifications ( cinematography nomination  without a shred of doubt in my mind  and maybe film editing )  that it ', s nearly a shame that it ', s not the flawless gem that it should be . but  hey  as it is  i can hardly complain .
pos as i write the review for the new hanks / ryan romantic comedy you ', ve got mail  i am acutely aware that i am typing it on a computer and sending it a billion miles away on the internet . i am also aware that i have just spent the last 2 hours watching the world ', s biggest paid commercial for america online . and i wonder : is that so bad ? well  the commercial part is . as for the movie  well  as long as i can watch tom hanks and meg ryan  i think i ', ll be okay . to paraphrase james berardinelli  whose reviews i admire very much  tom hanks and meg ryan can act . they are both wonderful  but for all of hanks ', glorious work in serious films  such as his magnificent performance in saving private ryan  and his glorious triumph in philadelphia  i like him best when he ', s suitably obnoxious . tom hanks is wonderful when he is obnoxious in a romantic comedy when he ', s going to get the girl : the only question is how ? meg ryan  america ', s high school sweetheart  can act . she ', s had a handful of memorable performances  including the great scene in the diner in when harry met sally ( i must not mention what she does  due to the  well  um  you get the idea  and if you don ', t  get the movie -- fantastic ) . but  i like her best when she ', s  well  perky . she is so adorably perky / cute that together with hanks  they are the most amazing onscreen duo in my short lifetime . some people have them going back to really old classic romantic couples  but i don ', t really know . all i know is that i just like them both . they have such wonderfully kinetic chemistry that ', s really hard to resist  and i ', m not going to even try . they ', re just really  really cute  sweet  and charming . hanks and ryan collaborate once again with nora ephron  who directed them in the megahit sleepless in seattle . here  the setup is a little different . kathleen kelly ( ryan ) owns a small children ', s bookstore which her mother founded 42 years ago and passed down to her . she is successful  beautiful  and dates a well - known columnist with very radical idea ( kinnear ) . she is also having an affair  of sorts . you see  kathleen  with the handle shopgirl  is secretly emailing ny152 . they have a strictly un - detailed relationship : there are no specifics  and they have no idea who each other is . ny152 happens to be joe fox ( hanks )  a multimillionaire bookseller who is the heir to the fortune of the fox chain of mega - bookstores  run by his father ( coleman ) . fox books has decided to open a store on the west side  right across from a little children ', s bookseller named " shop around the corner "  run by a perky girl named kathleen kelly . every morning  these two email each other silly  and every day  they fight " to the death ! ! " . it ', s a charming premise  and one that works nicely  balancing the immense troubles kathleen is in with the romance she wants to have . it also has the great sense of being a classic romance : there is no " let ', s have sex tonight " mantra  if you ', ll excuse my bluntness . this is a solid romance built around that vague concept of love . hmm . well  the movie goes through twists and turns  having some sad moments and happy ones  until at one moment tom hanks and meg ryan " hook up "  to use modern terminology  and kiss their way into happiness . you know it ', s going to happen  the question is now ? thankfully  ephron has a wonderful supporting cast with posey  kinnear  chappelle  and a host of others  including a great scene involving brothers  aunts  and two sweet kids . it ', s all cute and wonderful  and for all of the idealism  it makes me feel good . hanks is as obnoxious as ever on the outside and as warm on the inside as he always is . he is  i believe  america ', s greatest actor . does he show it here ? nah . but he ', s still tom hanks  and she ', s still meg ryan . which is what this movie boils down to . it ', s pure confection . all the bits about the godfather  the jokes  the superb script  it ', s all really sweet . there are some immense flaws  like pacing . the last third of the movie really doesn ', t work as well as i would have liked  and for a romantic comedy  it ', s slow . once hanks knows the secret  it gets really slow . i even looked at my watch a couple times  to make sure ephron was going to deliver the big onscreen kiss i was waiting for  so that i could get home at a reasonable hour . the other problem is that this movie is shaping up to be really dated . e - mail ? when my kids are my age  i don ', t know what we ', ll be using . but hanks can do more with one eyeroll than anybody  and meg ryan just loves to dive into a pillow better than anyone in movie history . they just work together  and it ', s nice to see . it gives you  well  a smile . the script helps with some great lines that are absolutely hilarious  and that always come at the exact right time to keep the audience awake . i was arguing with my father on the drive back home on what the purpose of movies was . i ', ve always believed that movies are very powerful  very powerful indeed . you see  mankind has three abilities he needs to survive : the ability to think  entertain  and procreate . movies can definitely do the first two  and as for the third  well  i ', d rather not think about that . i always thought films that made you think enlightened you and made you see something from another viewpoint  and that films that entertained you were good  because you forgot about your troubles and thought about something nice for a night . and i was thinking about how incredible a year tom hanks has had . hanks was the driving force behind one of the year ', s best films in saving private ryan  which is one of those thinking films that truly made someone wonder about the world . he ', s also half of the glue behind the year ', s best example of pure entertainment . tom hanks and meg ryan are magical  as is this movie . it ', s a sweet  lovely affair with a technology twist . it may be a long commercial  but it gave me a pretty big smile on my face .
pos are we victims of fate in life or can we create our own destiny ? director / writer brad anderson seems to be saying yes to both questions in his witty film " next stop wonderland " . the two main characters  alan and erin  spend the entire movie in each other ', s orbit  catching glimpses of one another  yet not quite connecting until the inevitable conclusion . is it fate that keeps them near each other and ultimately puts them together ? does this predestination carry over to all aspects of life ? as the film starts  erin castleton ( hope davis )  a melancholy 29 - year old late shift nurse  is ending her live - in relationship with her boyfriend ( hoffman ) . rather  he is ending it with her . arriving home from work  erin finds her boyfriend parked in front of their apartment  car packed with his belongings . in a fumbling  amusing and self deluding ramble  he instructs erin to watch a videotape he ', s made detailing why their relationship is doomed to fail and why he ', s leaving . it ', s obvious he lacks the courage to confront her directly as he rails on about accomplishing something with his life and taking a stand  all the while backpedaling his way out of their relationship . he then flees the scene with the grace of an inept thief . erin ', s mother ( holland taylor  in a surprisingly effective  small role )  fearing that her daughter will be without a man in her life  takes out a personal ad for erin . to erin ', s embarrassed horror  the ad describes her as a " frisky  cultured  carefree professional with a zest for life " . eventually  erin responds to the tidal wave of responses  which makes for some of the most humorous  telling moments of the movie as she meets prospective suitors and " poseurs " . alan  a plumber and aspiring marine biologist  first spots erin as he ', s cleaning the inside glass of a fish tank at the boston aquarium . wearing a wet suit and goggles  he follows erin from window to window  separated by the glass as erin  oblivious to his gaze  enjoys the fish . later  we see him on a train as she sits on a platform outside  mere feet away . the movie spends it ', s entirety having their paths circle each other without crossing . there are several subplots involving alan . one concerns his attempts to get on the job track at the boston aquarium  thereby escaping his apparent fate to carry on the family plumbing business . another subplot involves his father ', s desperate attempts to force fate ', s hand by gambling away his life at the dog track . a distracting focus is put on alan ', s debt to a loan shark and the manner in which he pays it off . the movie tries too hard to make alan a likable guy . thankfully  his dream - guy persona is counterbalanced by erin ', s distant  yet fundamentally hopeful  personality . the film moves along at an unhurried pace  albeit too much so in the latter third  as we wait for the two to meet . co - writers anderson and lyn vaus throw a couple of possible red herrings into the mix as the two find other possible relationships . the films shifts into a much slower gear as we wait for these romances to blow over . when alan and erin eventually do meet  we see that perhaps they both were destined for each other as they share a lingering  almost subliminally knowing  gaze . it ', s a sweet  measured moment . the disappointment comes in the fact that we ', ve come to know the pair  yet we don ', t get to view their impending romance . the film ', s inherent belief in the subtle persistence of fate and the wonder it can bring to one ', s life makes " next stop wonderland " a quiet pleasure in a cinematic landscape littered with explosions  shallow characters and overdone special effects .
pos i ', m an avid fan of the " alien " saga  so this review is obviously a tad biased ( at least i admitted it ) . of course  that doesn ', t mean that i ', m gonna be giving this a four - star review or something  because " alien : resurrection  " the fourth film in the cool - as - hell series is not an absolutely amazing film  much like the first two were . however  it ', s a very good film which never fails to entertain  and consists of yet another mutation in the style of the series . in short  i had a good time . " alien : resurrection " leaves off 200 years after the last one  where our heroine protagonist  ellen ripley ( sigourney weaver )  the science fiction genre ', s answer to job  had killed herself after discovering that an alien was inside her body  waiting to pop out like it did to john hurt in the first one . of course  the last one wasn ', t very great or anything ( i liked it  though not as much as the first two )  and more importantly  it wasn ', t financially successful ( a tawdry 55 million bucks ! ) . so back we are  with ripley back as a clone  which means we get another little satirical look at cloning ( not that that ', s a bad thing  but it ', s becoming a cliche ) . so she ', s cloned aboard an even more futuristic - looking ship called " the auriga " by some doctors ( including the necessary bad government guy  dr . wren  played by j . e . freeman  as well as the little - seen dr . gediman  played by none other than brad douriff )  mainly because they have a version of her with the alien still inside her . once you get past the fact that you can ', t figure out where they got her blood ( although i think it might have been from the blood samples taken by charles dance in the third one )  the film ', s okay . also on board are a band of mercenary pirates  including michael wincott  ron perlman  kim flowers  raymond cruz  dominique pinon ( a jeunet sytable ) and . . . winona ryder  who plays analee call  who turns out to have a bit of a secret ( i won ', t state it  but unless you ', ve been shacking up with salinger for the past two years  you probably know all about it - although it ', s nicely covered up ) . there ', s a bit of a non - sexual - yet - slightly - homoerotic relationship between her and ripley  but it ', s never really deepened enough . oh well . well  as you might have guessed  the alien and its spawn escape and run around the ship . and it pretty much does away with most of the people on the ship ( including some shocks - dan hedaya  for instance  who ', s death is comical yet sad since  well  he ', s dan hedaya )  and the remaining people ( about 7 or 8 ) are left to try and escape and stop the aliens from doing any major harm since the ship is heading quickly towards earth . of course  the plot is all balderdash  and just an excuse for some good old " alien " - brand fun . the real focus of the series seems to be on style  not really substance ( although there ', s always a bit of it  most notably in " aliens " with the relationship between ripley and the little girl ) . what ', s interesting about the series is that each film is stylistically different in its approach . " alien " is a claustrophobic exercise in quiet frights . " aliens " is a wild  tense thriller . " alien 3 " is a bleak  moody piece of semi - noir . " alien 4 " is kind of like an off - beat french film  filled with lots of humor  and cool scares . jean - pierre jeunet ( without his usual directing partner  marc caro ) creates a ship filled with the kind of scares films like " das boot " has  with echoes hinting at a possible threat . the chills in the film are really cool  especially with the music  which is sometimes turned down completely for certain scenes ( there ', s the most tense surgery scene since " face / off " towards the beginning ) . and not every chill turns into a bloody mess or anything like that . this all combined with some good old humor makes this as interesting visually and stylistically as the others . there are even a couple scenes which just stick out afterwards as being brilliantly executed . one is the aforementioned surgery scene . another one takes place between call and ripley  which is just awesome . the underwater chase scene and the ladder scene afterwards is one of the most tense  thrilling  and jaw - dropping scenes in the entire saga ( with a small allusion to jeunet ', s earlier film  " delicatessen " ) . and the way they do in the final alien is hysterically cool ( with a lovely allusion to " goldfinger " ) . but the best scene in the entire film ( i ', m sure i ', m not the first to mention it ) takes place when ripley sees all the variations on her as they cloned her ( she has a an " 8 " tatooed on her arm ) . it might be the most emotionally stimulating scene in the entire saga . the screenplay by joss whedon is not a great piece of work  as it never really deapens a lot of the characters . however  it does make us care about most of them  so that when there ', s very little of them  and it looks like one or more of them may become alien chow  we are pretty scared . and  yeah  there are some very funny lines ( ripley : " who do i have to fuck to get off this boat ? ! " johner : " well  i can get you off . but not this ship . " ) the acting is good all around  with stand - out performances from ron perlman as the male chauvenist pig johner  and leland orser ( the poor bastad in " se7en " who performed the " lust " sin ) as an anxiety - ridden wannabe woody allen who has an alien inside him . winona ryder is good  but not amazing like she usually is ( although she meshes well with the film ) . of course  and as usual  sigourney weaver steals the show . playing a variation on the ripley character ( less emotional  and more rude and bitter )  she pulls it off while still being utterly lovable . she ', s not going to get an oscar nomination like she did for " aliens  " but she ', s just awesome . overall  it ', s a thrilling  entertaining film which doesn ', t really amaze like the first two  but is much more amazing than the third installment . the style is the best part of the film  which isn ', t really a bad thing  but it being the best part takes away from a lot of the depth the film occasionally tries to apply . but it ', s entertaining as hell  and it ', s definitely fit for the " alien " series .
pos it may seem weird to begin a film about glam rock with a sequence that includes a spaceship  a green ovular pin  and the birth of oscar wilde  but if one really strains  they can see that perhaps maybe these connections are not half off . wilde ', s philosophy was that everyone should be true to their own human nature  and the result of his following this philosophy was that he was imprisoned  loosing his family and his career . the glam rock movement in the early 70s in england had a similar take and came to a similar demise . the main difference was by placing makeup on their face and acting out on their deepest fantasies and inquiries about life ( mostly dealing with androgony and sexuality )  they became less and less like themselves and more and more like everyone else . and that ', s why the movement seemed to end as soon as it began . it ', s been said that todd haynes ', " velvet goldmine  " the film that chronicles what it was like to be a part of the movement  not only from those who experienced it but by those who created it  steals a lot from " citizen kane  " and that ', s true . in the film  a british journalist in the 80s  arthur stuart ( christian bale )  is asked to go back and find out what happened to 70s glam rock star brian slade  a fictitious rock star  who faked his own death on stage  bringing the end not only to his career but to the entire glam rock movement . structure - wise  this totally steals from " kane  " not only from the set - up ( he interviews three people  and the story is a result of their flashbacks )  but in other things  like the beginning ( death  then newsreel )  and smaller details  like the bitter ex - friend in a wheelchair and the bitter ex - wife as a washed - up lounge singer  found in a bar after hours . this is no " kane  " and it really doesn ', t aspire to be : it doesn ', t attempt to be the deep outlook of something gone like " kane " did  and it doesn ', t really uncover anything poignant about humanity . instead  it uses the flashbacks as a form of contrast between the magic that was the glam rock era and the boredom that was life after glam rock for those who were participants . the 80s scenes are dry and deliriously melancholy  equipped with a performance by bale that is perhaps appropriately dull and unengaging . but the 70s scenes are engaging  though  not to mention addictively campy . they radiate with gorgeous cinematography that nicely accentuates all the vibrant colors of the era  and a feel that ', s so eerily lighthearted that when combined with the then - footage  they become not only a symbol of decadence  but of times when everything seemed so simple . instead of creating the world the way it was  haynes paints their own world as if it were a narcotic fairy tale : the glam rock movement was full of so much freedom and liberation that after you ', ve experienced it  everything else seems so mundane . there ', s no outside world to speak of  secluding these people inside a protective globe that will eventually crack . haynes focuses his story on the tale of blade and the other fictitious rock hero  curt wild  and their relationship that created  molded  and then brought down the movement  reducing everyone else who contributed to it as merely that - contributors . blade - played with reserve by the pouty jonathan rhys meyers - and wild - played with anarchic wildness by ewan mcgregor - are little more than thinly disguised recreations of david bowie and iggy pop  respectively  complete with the creation of a ziggy stardust persona named maxwell demon and the confirmation that the two rock stars may have very well not only have been one - time partners in music  but also partners in bed . through discussions with slade ', s ex - manager cecil ( michael feast )  ex - wife mandy ( toni collette  reinventing herself as an american blonde dish who fakes a british accent when with slade )  and finally ex - partner wild  journalist stuart begins to remember his own experiences in the era  like his discovery of his rebelliousness cum conformity  including the moment when he began questioning his own sexuality ( when he opens up his first slade record  he finds a naked and green slade lying on a crimson blanket )  and finally running away from home to be part of the london scene  finally resulting in leading a boring job in america . haynes demonstrates that he ', s quite the visual auteur  molding scenes that are like long heald breaths  such as a seemingly long sequence juxtaposing a slade / wild concert of them performing a brian eno cover  " baby ', s on fire  " with scenes from a decadent drug party ; and the film ', s most wow - inspiring sequence  the first concert scene of wild with his band  the ratttz  where mcgregor lets loose so much anarchic steam that his wild iggy - esuqe movements ( including stripping naked ) and screams that the film captures that perfect moment when one discovers a major talent  and another ( slade ) discovers his idle . even the brief music videos  spoofs of bowie ', s  have a rare visual flair that ', s pure camp  and which would cause ken russell to drool . the best sequence  though  may be the beginning  following the prelude  a sequence which acts as the middle ground for both the actual being of the movement and the post - movement era . in it  stuart and his mates are going to the infamous slade concert where he fakes his own death  where he kills off his alter ego maxwell demon in what appears to be a real assasination  which brought about the end of the era in one swift fake bullet . with brian eno ', s famous " needle in the camel ', s eye " playing in the background  the scene has a detached exhileration - the song doesn ', t seem to be played in quite the same way the other songs are . it has a distance that ', s hard to put a finger on  and it seems to represent that all this is coming to a quick and sad ending  and when one sees slade in the dressing room before the show  docked in a silver frock with wings and blue hair  depressingly staring into the mirror  it comes off as a none - too - obvious prophecy of the finale in the beginning of the film . this movie ', s not so much about plot  but more about the way it is presented  making this one of those films which is classified as being " style over substance  " a statement which prompts many critics to line up for attack . however  for the most part  the engaging part of this film is not the story but rather the way in which haynes creates this world  by using his sets  costumes  cinematography  and especially the music to play as characters in his film . the music is especially notable . the soundtrack  which is wall to wall  consists of old school glam rock tunes by the likes of brian eno  t - rex  and roxy music  as well as covers by slade ', s band ( with vocals by thom yorke  and occasionally rhys meyers himself )  and even newer music by shudder to think that sounds uncannily bowie - like . the cast is rather impressive  but no one really walks away with the film  and no performances are extremely good . although eddie izzard  as slade ', s manager ( who challenges slade ', s first manager to an arm - wrestling match to see who gets control of his career ) and michael feast as the first and tragic manager come off greatly  and collette and mcgregor have their moments  rhys meyers and bale are noticably sub - par  neither putting a lot of effort into their respective roles . some of it is at fault with the actual construction of the film by haynes . rhys meyers ', brian slade remains merely a metaphor for the glam rock era  dying when he turned into a retro - garbo  resorting to a life of salinger - ism  and found in the mid - 70s to be lying around  sniffing coke off the ass of a party girl . in fact  no one in this film is really seen as a person  rather than just as a symbol or composite of a type who thrived during the era . bale ', s character is an especially tough sell : bitter and depressed by flashbacks to his young adulthood  he ', s not an extremely personal character  and his cliched experiences ( being hounded by the record store guys for buying a record put out by a " poof " ) never help us communicate with him . nevertheless  rhys meyers and mcgregor have the excuses that their characters are not really characters but rather the results of an era that has left them  and others  bitter  part of which helps the film work  since this is a major piece of eye candy . at the prime of the movie  they at least look the role of fashionable leaders - slade with his perpetually - changing  androgonys persona  and wild with his topless and unpredictable image  which clash and fuse into an unstable union . their story - of how slade was so influenced by wild that he adapted it into a similar who - cares attitude crossed with camp - is engaging  without the personal background . the story of stuart  though  is a tougher sell because he ', s the everyman  and when you can ', t totally identify with the everyman  your story ', s in slight trouble . as a cultural rock piece  " velvet goldmine " is rather good  but it is merely good . it never totally takes off  although it has moments where it absolutely flies  but then comes back down . it ', s really nothing more than a bunch of really great moments  surrounded by material that could really be much better . the beginning is captivating but slow  the middle is fantastic  and the ending is not only shallow but worse than that  it drags ( the final half hour not only does it not bring the story to any real conclusion  it could probably stop at any point ) . and did anyone really figure out what the mystery is that arthur unearths ? it almost seems like there was no point in the entire investigation other than to unearth the past  which is commendable but not totally so . still  it does what the oliver stone pic " the doors " didn ', t do right  becoming very insightful to what happened  using the visual style to hit most of the right notes of contrast between what made the era so great to those who lived during it and why after living through such an era that everything else seems half - assed ( i suppose the message is : " live life  but after you ', ve lived it  what else is the point when you ', ll be forced to live with regretful memories ? " ) . the really superb achievement of this film is that during its flashbacks  it successfully creates for the audience what it must have felt like to be in that era  but with the added perk of knowing the result of all that goes down .
pos when i first heard that romeo & juliet had been " updated " i shuddered . i thought that yet another of shakespeare ', s classics had been destroyed . fortunately  i was wrong . baz luhrman has directed an " in your face "  and visually stunning piece with this film . it revolves around the two rival families  who in this version each run multi - million dollar enterprises . these rival companies / families are the capulet ', s and the montague ', s . the younger generation of these two families have formed gangs  who despise one another . as the storylines goes  romeo montague ( played by leonardo dicaprio ) and juliet capulet ( claire danes ) meet at a fancy dress party  and it is love at first site . i never believed love at first site was possible until i saw this film  the scene in which romeo ', s eyes meet juliet ', s through the fish tank is one of the most memorable . of course  they cannot publicly reveal their love  for their families are arch enemies . so they marry in secret  this is where things begin to go wrong . the story  as with all good shakespeare  ends in tragedy . the cinematography is spectacular to say the least  and the soundtrack provides the perfect atmosphere in which to " lay our scene "  as the film says . there is very little to criticise . the performances are convincing  and several of the film ', s younger stars may find that it provides a launch for their careers . the modernisation of the script is ingenious and clever . despite the well known storyline  this latest version still manages to cause tears among many members of the audience ( especially the younger generation )  and this is certainly a great credit to the film .
pos krippendorf ', s tribe is a formula comedy . done poorly  formulaic comedies might seem to signify the downfall of american cinema . however  every now and then  one emerges  like krippendorf ', s tribe  that actually works . professor james krippendorf ( richard dreyfuss )  the renowned anthropologist  is in trouble . his university gave him a hefty grant to discover a lost tribe in new guinea . however  he found . . . nothing . his wife has recently died  and he has spent the remainder of the grant money in raising his three kids : shelly ( natasha lyonne )  mickey ( gregory smith ) and edmund ( carl michael lidner ) . tonight  he is expected to lecture on his newfound tribe . rather than break the news ( and face the consequences of misusing his funds )  he invents a tribe : the shelmikedmu ( named after his kids ) . however  one lie begets another as he is not only required to deliver filmed proof of the shelmikedmu  but his research becomes a popular phenomenon . soon  professor krippendorf is caught up in an elaborate ruse in which he films mockumentary footage starring his children as the shelmikedmu tribal members . his efforts are hampered by the boasts of an over - eager colleague  veronica micelli ( jenna elfman )  and the intense scrutiny of a rival anthropologist  ruth allen ( lily tomlin ) . krippendorf ', s tribe does seem to require a little suspension of disbelief . no one seems to question the way his field documentaries seem to be shot with multiple cameras  or that his newly discovered tribesmen have startlingly blue eyes . luckily  as the film builds momentum  that suspension of disbelief is easy to come by . though there ', s some mild humor in the krippendorf family trying to pass themselves off as a lost tribe  the real humor of the film is in how james gets trapped in his ever increasing snowball of lies . the double meanings to many of the shelmikedmu appearances are enjoyable  and the comic timing required for some of the film ', s latter scenes is superb . richard dreyfuss is terrific as the hapless professor who soon loses control of his own imaginary tribe . jenna elfman ', s position as a romantic lead seems a bit forced at times  but she plays the part with extreme affability . even the kids  who in films like this tend to be a bit on the precocious side  are endearing and humorous . yes  the film does veer occasionally into some rather lowbrow humor  but it has the best excuse of all : it ', s funny . it may not go down as an all - time classic  but it certainly delivers what you expect from a comedy : plenty of laughs .
pos not since 1996 ', s shine  which starred geoffrey rush as pianist david helfgott  has a movie so defiantly laid bare the lives of world - class musicians . in fact  if one were to watch these films together  it would almost certainly stand as a convincing argument that a life of music naturally leads to all varieties of social ills . yet hilary and jackie  the sophomore effort from director anand tucker  has something more to say -- it softly but strongly explores the complex relationships of sibling rivalry and love in a very compelling tale . emily watson and rachel griffiths are the leads in this tale  playing the sisters du pr ? . both musicians from childhood  hilary ( griffiths ) is renowned flutist while jacqueline ( watson ) is easily as skilled on the cello . the two comepete for and win many honors as children and as young women  both together and seperate . their careers as musicians surpass and then bow to one another ', s  and although their lives take very different paths -- hilary settles down to marriage and a family while rachel skips across the globe on a world concert tour -- they are bound together by their deep family love . the performances of watson and griffiths are excellent in style and substance . they contrast each other wonderfully  and while watson ', s portrayal of jackie du pr ? is at times eccentric and perhaps unsympathetic  both characters are charged with emotion . the frank cottrell boyce script  which is based on the book by hilary and piers du pr ?  brings a great deal of depth to these characters as well . the script is also to be commended for its well - polished dual nature . cottrell boyce adopts a style which one might expect to see in a mystery thriller ( which was in fact the case with david koepp and robert towne ', s script for mission : impossible ) and skillfully molds it to the story of two rising musicians on different courses to fame . the latter parts of his script are controversial to say the least  and the rather depressing ending takes the wind out of an envigorating story . some will leave this movie feeling disenfranchised . nevertheless  hilary and jackie is a movie that reaches an upper echelon of contemporary cinema through solid fundamentals and is a decent watch all around .
pos luckily  some people got starship troopers . some people knew it was supposed to be silly . for those of you who didn ', t  how could you miss it ? from the very beginning  when we see an interactive internet - like promotional video for the armed forces of the future  it should be obvious this film is to be taken lightly . i guess without blatant one - liners and home alone style slapstick  some people just don ', t recognize such goofy humor . such a dry approach to such intentionally campy humor must have left some disillusioned . first thing to do before seeing this movie - lighten up . meet the equivalent of " beverly hills 90210 " meets " mighty morphin power rangers " . four close friends are now graduating high school and are ready to join the armed forces  which  in the future  means fighting for the whole galaxy and not just your country . johnny rico ( casper van dien ) is ready to join the infantry  mostly because his girlfriend carmen ibanez ( denise richards ) has enlisted to be a pilot . dizzy flores ( dina meyer ) has enlisted as a trooper  and it ', s possible she ', s joining merely to follow rico  whom she ', s always had eyes for . if you saw these three on the street  you ', d automatically start searching for the fashion designers and photographers  for never has a movie ', s cast looked so much like the cut - out cover of " seventeen " magazine . the lone non - supermodel  carl jenkins ( played by doogie howser himself  neil patrick harris ) is the brainiac who gets into the military intelligence division  the top secret department that pretty much leaves doogie - er  carl out of the picture . ( good call - now we can put all our drooling efforts into only the most deserving of characters ) . right off the bat  rico becomes the star of the show  far surpassing all the other soldiers and becoming squadron leader in a short period of time . but a horrific accident during a standard training exercise ( which follows all to closely to his breakup with carmen ) leaves rico ready to call it quits . with his bags packed and his civilian clothes back on  johnny is ready to walk off base and catch the next flight home . well sorry  rico suave  but there ', s no place like home  especially after gigantic alien insects have destroyed it . that ', s right  the planet is being attacked by a colony of arachnid - like alien beings that a can of raid just isn ', t going to destroy . with a sudden change of heart ( and clothes )  rico is back in the game  following his fellow starship troopers off to fight a mean group of daddy long legs . what starship troopers really is  is a spoof of all that it even remotely touches on - the soap opera like love affairs of high school  the love for sci - fi and thirst for gore shared by this same age group  etc . nothing is taken seriously . it ', s almost as much a satire on young adults as clueless  but with its sly and futuristic approach  it ', s not as recognizably so . it ', s a spoof so subtle that many won ', t recognize the spoofery . if you deem this as sci - fi / action  you ', re wrong . it ', s sci - fi / action / comedy  with the comedy being on the level of such cult favorites as evil dead 2 . starship troopers just may be on the road to cult status as well . gore is a factor heavily brought up in reviews of this film  but the gore  too  is meant to be cheesy . yes  it ', s graphic  but it ', s also brutally phony  and that ', s what makes it such great fun to watch . not since the old " mr . bill " skits on " saturday night live " has torture and mutilation been such a joy to watch . people were laughing out loud every time a body was severed in half or a head was viciously decapitated . perhaps it brings back fond memories of the severities we inflicted upon our sisters ', barbie dolls as young children . with the actors resembling ken and barbie so closely  it ', s a good chance this is the case  whether we ', re fully aware of it or not . starship troopers has it ', s slow parts  but it ', s truly an alternative to your typical sci - fi / action flick or lame juvenile comedy . aside from the intentionally cheesy gore  the special effects are quite astounding . when the spaceship passes a meteor  it ', s quite an awesome spectacle  visually crisp and captivating . if you ', re looking for brainless fun  this is the epitome of your search . a beautiful cast  awesome special effects  fast - paced action  campy acting  and a whole lot of gore . this is brainless heaven . just remember not to think .
pos the happy bastard ', s 30 - second review notting hill a cute romantic comedy from the writer of the hit comedy four weddings and a funeral  notting hill stars julia roberts as anna scott  a very popular actress with a $ 15 million asking price for movies . one day she wanders into a travel book store owned by a simple london resident ( played by hugh grant )  and sparks somehow begin to fly . sure  there are points of turmoil  such as putting up with grant ', s slightly disgusting ( but very hilarious ) roommate spike  anna ', s pesky ex - boyfriend ( alec baldwin in a humorous cameo )  and  on top of all that  those damn press . it ', s a fresh sort of complexity to see in a romantic comedy  very different from  say  a stubborn father or " not the right time " like as seen in usual flicks . roberts is terrific as the astonishingly beautiful actress  and grant is surprisingly good as the straightforward guy still trying to get a hold of what has actually happened with this girl . in short  a sweet romantic comedy that has a lot of good laughs  particularly provided by spike . one tee - shirt really says it all about him . in an attempt to turn on a woman  he shows the front of the shirt  which says : " you are the most beautiful woman in the world . " on the back ? " fancy a f * * k ? "
pos first  i am not a big fan of the x - files tv series . i have nothing against it particularly  i just don ', t happen to watch it . having said that  i can now say that i liked the x - files pretty well . for us non - fans  there ', s nothing big going for it  but there are a lot of little things . the movie opens on an ice cave in north texas in 35  000 b . c . two proto - humans enter the cave and find a space alien cocooned inside . the alien breaks free and kills one man in a struggle while the other is seemingly captured by the bloody ooze from the alien . the movie jumps to the same cave today where a boy ( lucas black  from sling blade ) is captured by the same black ooze . we then cut to fbi agents scully and mulder ( gillian anderson and david duchovny )  who have been pulled off of their previous assignment ( investigations into the paranormal ) and put onto the bomb squad detail . a caller has threatened a federal building in dallas  texas . on a hunch  mulder checks out the building across the street  and  wouldn ', t you know it  he turns out to be right . the fbi finds the bomb in time to evacuate but not in time to defuse . five people die in the blast  and when mulder learns who the victims were  a light bulb goes on over his head . the two agents team up to investigate  against fbi orders  the links mulder has made . their search leads them back to the north texas cave  all across the country  and even to antarctica as they get closer and closer to " the truth . " the plot  and " the truth  " are uninspired . i got the feeling that what i learned was supposed to shock and amaze me . it didn ', t . the possible existence of aliens on earth has been explored so many times before in movies that one could hardly count them . but the point of the x - files is not what the truth is  but the extent to which it has been hidden . it ', s a slightly more interesting angle  but it still raises expectations about that " truth " too high . if this were the whole film  i would say the movie was mediocre  perhaps even boring . but there are other qualities that make me like this movie well enough to recommend it . the pacing of the film was brisk enough to hold my interest . before the audience can get tired of one location  the agents follow a hot tip to another location  and so on and so forth . the locations are not all computer - generated sets  either . there are some artificial settings  but the desert night of nevada  the edge of suburbia in texas  and the endless fields of snow in antarctica ( actually somewhere in north america . ) make this fantastic film feel more real . ward russell ', s cinematography is very good . the overall look is dark and ominous  appropriate to the intended tone of the film ', s plot . russell is able to make something as innocuous as a cornfield look foreboding . when the movie is set in darkness  the picture quality is still rich and detailed . finally  and specifically  there is an incredible shot at night in which the camera crosses the tracks in front of a fast oncoming train . i don ', t know if the shot is faked in any way  but it looks dangerous  and it looks great . the movie ', s soundtrack is also used to convey the dark tone of the film . ( skip to the next paragraph if you have yet to see the movie - there is a spoiler in the following sentences . ) during the opening prehistoric sequence  a howling wind dogs the soundtrack  never giving the characters or the audience an escape from the lonely terrible sound . in one of the movie ', s most effective sequences  metallic doors suddenly slam open to release a cloud of buzzing bees . the visuals of the scene are good  but what makes it so surprising and frightening is the sound . there was no question as to who the movie ', s stars would be . even so  duchovny and anderson are an interesting pair of actors and a good combination . both are easy on the eyes and together  they have some good timing  banter  and energy . there is a hint of chemistry between them  but it never gets in the way of their professional relationship . they are like a couple of kids out exploring the empty lot at the end of the street . there might be some romantic interest  but for now they ', re more interested in their environs than they are in each other . no single element really makes this movie outstanding - not even the sense of paranoia that makes the tv show so popular . but enough things were done right that the x - files is one of the more interesting summer adventures to come along .
pos many people will not find much to like in what dreams may come  the new film by visionary director vincent ward . most will come to see the computer animated landscapes and vibrant colors . but little do they know ( as i so plainly found out ) that this has quite a complex story to tell . walking out of the theater  i could see the audience ', s disgust . . . one member even had to be awakened after the film ended . don ', t believe the previews that you see . . . this is definitely not a film for everyone . this is quite possibly one of the most adult - oriented films to come out in recent years . kids will get bored with the slow plotting and the complex storyline . the plot is just as fluid as the heaven that ward presents to us . it goes back and forth in time  as if it has no boundaries . think of the film city of angels . now add a more complex screenplay and a more unique vision . both films deal with the afterlife  but i doubt what dreams may come will do well at the box office . costing around $ 85 million to make  the film would have to do extremely well in order to make it ', s money back . but due to it ', s story  i doubt it will . for everyone who thought titanic ', s story was too simple and cliche  here is proof that if james cameron had written a more complex screenplay  it may not have done nearly as well . but don ', t get me wrong . . . i hope the film does do well . it ', s a vision of pure visceral enjoyment that hardly ever gets put to the screen . i doubt most of us could have thought of this place  even in our own mind . what dreams may come is the second best film of the year when it comes to visuals . the only film that surpasses it is dark city . full of rich  shocking colors  we get to see a heaven that most of us would probably die to get to . but don ', t do that  because you ', ll end up going to hell . what dreams may come begins with two boats colliding on a lake . chris " christy " nielsen ( robin williams ) is startled by the sudden jolt  but is even more startled by the beauty of the woman in the other boat . annie ( annabella sciorra ) spies chris  as well  and both eventually bond and get married . annie is an artist  whose paintings are colorful  lush  and surrealistic . chris is a doctor and loves annie more than life itself . they also have two children  marie ( jessica brooks ) and ian ( josh paddock ) . but one day  the two children are killed in a car crash  and it almost destroys annie . she tries to commit suicide  but fails  and is then put in an institution . chris copes with the problem by realizing they aren ', t around anymore  and nothing will change that . just as annie gets her life back in order  chris is killed while trying to save the life of a car crash victim . chris goes to heaven  or his version of heaven  rather . guided by albert ( cuba gooding  jr . )  chris explores his new surroundings with pure delight and joy . that is  until he realizes how miserable he is without annie . prior to heaven  he would try to comfort annie  but the more he was around  the more pain she felt . chris decides to leave her alone . little does he realize what will happen next . i ', m not about to say  because the plot point is crucial to the rest of the story ( many critics  however  give it away ) . certainly  chris dying is crucial to the plot  but they tell you that he dies in the previews . story is not necessarily important for this movie to work  because it deals with the afterlife . however  strangely  virtually nothing is heard of god or the devil . a couple of comments here and there  but the story maintains its focus on chris and his search for the love of his life . " we ', re soul mates ! " chris exclaims . heaven  in movies  is almost always depicted as a glowing city of white  purity  and love . usually  it also looks like it rests among the clouds . but what dreams may come goes a different route . it shows us a heaven that most of us have never seen before . chris ', heaven is his memories brought to life . his thoughts can make anything real  and he makes the paintings annie drew become his heaven . " i ', ve never seen anyone use real paint before  " albert says . equally good as the depictions of hell which cast away the normal stereotypes of fire and brimstone . instead  it ', s a state of being . in one gloriously horrific scene  chris and his " tracker " ( max von sydow ) arrive at a sea of faces . thousands of heads are stuck above ground  their bodies somewhere else . mostly dead silent  some quips are made  almost as if to lighten the mood . it ', s truly a frightening sequence . production designer eugenio zanetti is definitely going to be up for an oscar nomination . using state of the art computer technology  worlds are created for exploration . sometimes  some scenes play out as if they are only there for the visual impact . it ', s not necessary to be there  but we appreciate seeing it . costume designer yvonne blake ( who also appears in the film ) has done an incredible job providing some interesting and colorful costumes . cinematographer eduardo serra  whose work was last seen in the luscious wings of the dove  has a difficult job  as most cinematographers do working with special effects . but serra ', s entire universe is a computer generated image  and he does a masterful job . writer ron bass  adapting from the novel by richard matheson  provides a very fluid screenplay with no real set plot . the story is extremely vague in its details  allowing viewers to think for themselves about the meaning . and director vincent ward puts it all together into his final vision . what dreams may come is a good example of german expressionism which may just turn off a good portion of the audience . your average movie goer more than likely isn ', t used to expressionistic techniques . the film will also definitely draw attention from religious people  but they shouldn ', t take it too far . it is  after all  just a movie . robin williams has continuously impressed with his dramatic performances  while his comedic roles have been suffering . his comedy is perfection when he makes up his own stuff  but when is confined by a screenplay  he isn ', t quite as effective . but drama is really his strong point  and you can see that here . it ', s doubtful he ', ll get another oscar nomination  but i wouldn ', t really mind if he did . the real surprise here is annabella sciorra who impressed last year with cop land . this may be her breakout role and may garner her some much needed attention . it ', s also quite possible that she could get an oscar nomination . however  the academy doesn ', t like to award performances for these types of films . cuba gooding  jr . has been better  but he ', s certainly not distracting . max von sydow is underused  as are jessica brooks and josh paddock . a treat for some movie goers is to see werner herzog appear ( if they even recognize him ) as chris ', father lost in the sea of faces . it ', s not hard to see why herzog would be attracted to this film  considering he thinks that audiences are starving for great images . overall  it ', s williams and sciorra ', s film . what dreams may come is rated pg - 13 for thematic elements involving death  some disturbing images  language  and some partial nudity . the film is definitely aimed at a more adult audience . some will find the plot distracting . some will find the visuals absolutely glorious . and some will find both . the only real problem with the film  that i could see  was that it slows down considerably during the midsection  just after we have been immersed in the visuals and before the search for annie begins . by the way  some controversy even surrounded the title  which was mistaken for a sexual term ( " what " becomes " wet " and you should understand ) . in actuality  the title is from a soliloquy in hamlet . just thought i should let you know .
pos when i was growing up in 1970s  boys in my school used to divide into two groups  based on their action movies preferences . the first one  myself included  liked movies that featured spectacular car chases  lots of machinegun fire and huge explosions . the latter one preferred hong kong martial arts flicks  probably because they could ( or  to be more precise  thought they could ) imitate its stunts in the real life . decades later  while refining my own cinematic taste  i began to appreciate and actually like those movies  probably because of overexposure to shoot - em - up idiocy of 1980s ramboids . yes  most of the kung fu and other " martial arts " flicks were cheap  they had predictable and formulaic plot  and asked very little of production values aside from martial arts skills . but  in the same time  those movies had their own rules and in the hands of capable director could become a terrific guilty pleasure and source of relaxation . the best of those movies  one that passed the test of time and managed to keep its own cult status after quarter of century was enter the dragon . made in 1973 in a joint hong kong - hollywood venture  it was intended to bring bruce lee ', s skills and kung fu philosophy to the western audience . it succeeded  but it is still debatable whether by its own merit or by the unfortunate and mysterious death of bruce lee that immortalised the myth about that actor . lee plays a quiet shaolin monk who is a martial arts expert . he is approached by interpol official who asks him to join tri - annual martial arts tournament that is held on a remote island  owned and controlled by han  renegade shaolin monk . interpol suspects that the martial arts business is just cover for narcotics  gun - running and prostitution operations and lee must find the evidence necessary for authorities to intervene . lee accepts the mission because of personal reasons - o ', harra  han ', s brutal bodyguard was responsible for the tragic death of lee ', s sister years ago . the island is also destination of two colourful martial arts experts from us - williams ( played by jim kelly ) is black activist running from the racist police  and his friend roper wants to make money in order to pay gambling debts . the plot of enter the dragon was in many ways influenced by james bond ( the 007 franchise itself would return favour by using kung fu elements in the man with the golden gun two years later ) . the main hero was faced against a power - hungry megalomaniac on a remote island  alone against whole army of bad guys . on the other hand  lee was more believable hero than bond ; deprived of guns and super - tech gadgets  he had to rely only on his personal skills in order to survive . in the same time  the plot  although extremely thin  allowed him even some internal battles - between the natural instinct to avenge his sister and his own anti - violent philosophy . the latter provided some opportunities to evaluate lee ', s acting skills and some new elements to his impressive screen presence . although two other main actors - john saxon being the obligatory good white guy and jim kelly being the obligatory black good guy - were intended to share top spot with lee  they served as nothing more than a comic relief . it is a real shame to see kelly  definitely the worse actor than saxon  to steal the scenes from him only because his lines  being the worst possible blaxploitation cliches  sound so damn over the top . other actors  not including shih kien who turns han into typical  although not very convincing bondian villain  are nothing more than fist fodder for bruce lee ( among them is young jackie chan ) . fighting scenes are still impressive today as they were 25 years ago  although they mostly lack gore associated with that genre . in many way they are also more realistic ( they were personally staged by lee himself )  demanding only a blow or two to incapacitate or kill the opponent . i ', m not a martial arts expert nor the martial arts fan  but comparing those scenes with typical scenes today i simply can ', t avoid to appreciate the difference from today ', s movie fights when masses of bloody pulp manage to get up from the floor and win in the end . so  despite all the obvious flaws that preclude this movie of being top 100 of all times  enter the dragon is a incredibly entertaining piece of cinema and the martial arts flick that can be enjoyed even by those who don ', t like that particular genre .
pos one of the sweetest tales to ever be made  it ', s a wonderful life isn ', t perfect  but its good natured charm and beautiful performances light up the screen with glorious results . probably the greatest " feel - good " film of all time  it ', s a wonderful life aims for the heart  and strikes with a golden arrow . on christmas eve  george bailey ( stewart ) is being prayed for by many in the small town of bedford falls . you see  george is in trouble  and he has always helped others who needed it . this one time  however  god answers his prayers  and sends down the lovable guardian angel clarence ( travers ) to try and save george . clarence has got his own problems  however . clarence is an angel without his wings  and each time the bell rings  the wings pass him by . the bailey case is a way for him to earn those magical wings and become a true angel . but before clarence can save george  he first has to go through a cliffs notes version of george bailey ', s life . we see george sacrificing his hearing to save his brother ', s life  sacrificing his college education to save the family business  sacrificing his dream of living far away to support his brother  and even sacrificing his life to make sure his brother is happy working somewhere else . when the bank his family owns is in trouble  george gives away his honeymoon money to make sure the bank isn ', t sold to the evil mr . potter ( barrymore )  who wants nothing less than to get the baileys out of bedford falls . one christmas  potter gets his chance . uncle billy bailey ( mitchell ) loses $ 8  000 of the bank ', s money . without the money  the bank must close down . george is stuck in a tremendous bind  and contemplates suicide . clarence  the faithful servant  is there just to pick him up  and to show him what bedford would be like without george . this is all a lead - in to the very famous last scene  where george finally sees what true happiness is about . it ', s a wonderful life does have its faults . the movie is beginning to feel dated in the details  especially in the treatment of women and men . the sex roles in the film are weirdly out of place in the 90 ', s  like something out of a revisionist look . all the men drink too much and slap their wives too much during some portions of the film . there are  however  endearing moments in all of this . capra puts in just enough humor mocking the sex roles of the 50 ', s to make the movie remarkably enjoyable . the story is hackneyed  and the ending feels  well  a little too sugarish . there ', s this uneasy feeling of sugar over everything  especially the sequences where george is either in trouble  or helping somebody . it ', s a little too nice for my liking  at times . there is  however  enough humor  enough wit  and enough of jimmy stewart to get the movie through the middle part  which would be the most difficult . but watching it ', s a wonderful life is never boring or difficult : it ', s always interesting  right until the finale  which  for all its sugar  makes delightful sense and is beautifully done . capra does have his monumental cliches  but the actors relish them and overplay everything to perfection . donna reed is perfect as the loving  obeidient wife  and lionel barrymore is gloriously grump as mr . potter . everyone else is magnificent  including bert and ernie ( ward bond and frank faylen ) . there is a general sense of goodness  as if everyone in the film knows that they are making a great film  and they relish that . stewart  however  is the king of all of this . he is sometimes awkward  especially when saying " merry christmas " to all objects  animate or inanimate . but he is james stewart  and he ', s lovably delightful throughout the film . have i complained ? i shouldn ', t have . this is a really good movie . no  this is a great movie . better yet  this is a phenomenal movie . there is a reason classics are invented : to make sure that people will always have great movies to aid them in their quest for living life . this is one of those films . it is a " feel - good " movie  something people complain a little too much about . but capra ', s reworking of " a christmas carol " is the greatest christmas movie of all time . there  i ', ve said it . i have to admit  the first time i saw this  i saw it with my family  including my 11 year old kid sister . they all loved it . they loved george  his wife  his troubles  and the beautiful ending . is it a little too sugar - coated ? maybe . no matter . this is a film that should be watched time and time again  with families around a coffee table  and eggnog on the plate . it is a film that just makes you feel good about life  family  and hope . it is the perfect christmas film  flaws and all . it is frank capra ', s greatest acheivement  and that really does say a lot . for about 121 out of 129 minutes  this movie is flawless . the rest can be excused : no film is perfectly flawless . i can ', t get over how much i love this movie  and how much you will  after watching it  digesting it  and sitting with your family  appreciating how special life really is .
pos of circumcision  psychic wounds and the family sitcom the opening segment is something of a foretaste of this film . there ', s a guy ', s voice telling us how he tries to imagine what his biological parents look like  and on the screen we see images of a variety of oldish men and women . as his imagination plays o n  he ( and we ) picture these motley characters in a mix - and - match shuffle of unlikely marriages  businesswomen with bums  matrons with paint salesmen  the images coming on in a faster and faster frenzy . it ', s not just a witty  funny summing up of the film ', s themes - you might not guess it yet  but it sets the pattern for the way the story goes on . what starts out as a step in a fairly sensible direction  gets taken on a road trip  put through a detour or two and finds itself freewheeling towards an immin ent crash . that may not sound so different from the average family sitcom  and the general idea of the film doesn ', t  at first  seem so wildly distant from standard - issue hollywood comedy : man who was adopted as a child ( ben still er ) sets out on a journey to meet his real parents  along with his wife ( patricia arquette )  his baby  and a pretty psychology - researcher ( tea leoni ) in tow . various mix - ups  shenanigans  oddball characters and  yup  disasters follow . but if you think you ', ve been here before  the dialogue and the direction ( by david o . russell  who made spanking the monkey ) take it into another dimension . the dreaded t - name seems an inevitable reference point ( what with a drug overdose scene and the casting of arquette from true romance ) but really the point is that the foot - massage master hasn ', t got a monopoly on plot twists and fast  funny  irreverent lines  or on the absurdities of ordinary speech . whether it ', s about circumcision  psychic wounds  oral sex  carjacking  the beauties of the armpit area  or ronald reagan  the script never seems to run out of hilarious invention . the best thing is how these words aren ', t just there for the punchlines  but are great precisely because they ', re said in character  like tea leoni ', s neurotically - charged psychobabbler who ', s able to say under assault  " it ', s understandable if you find this threatening " . the cast is excellent throughout  and  rather than singling out anybody  kudos are due to the fine ensemble acting  with the sometimes frenetically overlapping dialogue and the sense of a dozen different reagents colliding to the point of fission . there are some elements of a woody allen film in this ( not to mention the hand - held camera and loose  improvisational feel of some scenes ) . like allen  russell ', s interests are in the volatile sexual politics of couples and the neurotic obsessions in both pare nts and children ( and everybody  really ) . still  if you ', re expecting a privileged moment of revelation and emotional outpouring a la " murphy brown " / " frasier " / fill - in - the - blank - american - comedy  well  it won ', t happen . the film sets up expectations like these  with the lead character ', s search f or his origins and his hopes of self - healing  only to knock them down . if the conventional sitcom structure is to put a slightly loopy family in catastrophic conditions only to rediscover their essential lovey one - ness  flirting with disaster ', s charact ers embark on a journey to seek that essential state but find themselves only plunging into more weirdness and dysfunctional chaos the further they go . and that  the film suggests  is the essential family state - and you better learn to love it . somehow  this is perversely feelgood cinema  right up to its manic end .
pos nosferatu the vampyre ( germany 1979 ) a film review by mike watson copyright 1999 mike watson this extraordinary re - telling of bram stoker ', s " dracula " by german filmmaker werner herzog deserves the most prominent of places in cinematic vampire lore . inspired by f . w . murnau ', s 1922 silent film of the same name  herzog ', s film is a work of exquisite bleakness  an oddly touching tragedy with a beautiful and uniquely haunting quality that lingers long afterwards . the original full - length english and german language versions of nosferatu have at last received a video release by u . s . distributor anchor bay entertainment  and in gorgeous widescreen prints . until now only a shortened english language version of the film was available on video  and only in europe . both of these re - releases restore the film to its full length  but viewers should still be wary of the english version due to its often stilted dialogue . apparently the english dialogue coach herzog had on the set during filming was incompetent  and some of the voices also seem to be dubbed . the german version with english subtitles remains the definitive one . everyone knows the story of dracula . or do they ? his story has been so bastardised on film over the years that a brief reminder of the basic plot certainly won ', t hurt . jonathan harker is a young lawyer sent to the gloomy castle dracula in transylvania to do business with a creepy count ( played by klaus kinski ) who wants to buy a house in harker ', s hometown . upon seeing a photo of harker ', s wife ( the radiant isabelle adjani ) he instantly falls in love with her . locking harker up in his castle  he sets off on a long journey to meet this woman whose beauty so bewitches him . upon divining his identity as a vampire  adjani seduces the count and lures him to his death one morning as the sun rises . that is a story familiar to millions  but herzog has elevated stoker ', s tale into the realm of - and i use this term a tad reluctantly - cinematic art . nosferatu is as much a meditation as it is a film  shot through blue - ish and white filters and peopled with characters who perform as if they were half hypnotised . the film ', s surreal  dream - like quality is utterly mesmerising . there is much to enjoy  but i ', ll limit my praise to a few key points . holding the film together is kinski ', s remarkable performance as count dracula . past screen portrayals  including bela lugosi ', s famous turn  have largely been one dimensional and tended towards camp . but kinski . . . oh boy  this is something far more compelling . aided by a startling make - up job  he portrays dracula ', s vampirism not simply as pure evil but as some sort of loathsome disease . this man is dreadfully lonely . he lives in utter solitude  shunned by the locals for his hideous appearance and reputation for bloodlust . kinski ', s portrayal of the count is both creepy and deeply affecting . when he dies  you almost feel as if this man ', s tortured soul has been freed at last . then there ', s the unforgettable soundtrack  largely composed by german group popul vuh . it is so eerily beautiful and evocative that it ', s quite impossible to imagine the film without it . popul vuh are longtime herzog collaborators and play an ancient - sounding kind of spacemusic using piano  chants  and exotic instruments . when i first saw this film some years ago i was so impressed i tracked down and bought a number of their albums . the one i still listen to the most is " tantric songs "  from which most of the music in nosferatu is taken . it ', s a testament to the music ', s depth that it is as powerful without the pictures as it is with them . the album is still available on the highly respected ambient and world music label celestial harmonies . this is a timely re - release by anchor bay . after francis ford coppola ', s unscary and woefully overblown version of bram stoker ', s tale in 1992  it is a joy to go back to herzog ', s film and see the amazing things he has done with what is now a century - old story . to some aficionados  nosferatu is quite simply the greatest vampire film ever made . without a doubt  it is an unmistakable classic of the genre . don ', t miss it .
pos even if i did not know that director and co - writers james wong and jeffrey reddick of the creepy final destination helped create the hit television show the x - files  i would have inevitably made a connection . the similarities are very apparent from the inexplicable phenomenon - like plot  to the mysterious characters  to the overall dark  ominous settings . it would have been perfectly fitting to see fbi agents mulder and scully investigate this case  they witness stuff like this on a weekly basis ( in fact mulder and scully would have been a much more welcome change to the bland one dimensional fbi agents seen in this movie ) . another more important similarity  is that both succeed in entertaining and thrilling at the same time . this is a great accomplishment for a teen horror movie  especially when compared to some of the trash  of the same genre  released in the last couple of years ( urban legend and i still know what you did last summer are classic examples from the bunch ) . what helps final destination is its unique premise . unlike your average horror flick in which some invincible psycho with a knife chases blonde cheerleaders  the villain presented is unusual  it ', s the grim reaper . this being already has predestined when and how you will die . according to the brief history lesson given in this film  everyone was meant to die at a certain time  some people at 100  others at 17  whatever death chooses . what is unique about death is that it ', s already dead  so you can ', t really kill it . the only way to defeat death is to cheat it ; the question is how do you do that ? this dilemma is what faces alex and a group of teenagers . alex has been having some dreams that the airplane which will take his class on a trip to paris will crash  leaving no survivors . alex begins to realize that his dreams are a little too real and eventually gets himself and six others kicked off the plane right before it takes off . shortly after  the plane does indeed crash leaving some of the seven survivors confused and others feeling immortal . however  death isn ', t through with them yet . it gradually kills off the seven one by one  leaving those currently still alive frantically trying to trick death again . the plot allows for some of the most creative  original death scenes i have seen in a while . some scenes build up the perfect amount of tension until an elaborate climax  others are so unexpected they will leave your jaw wide open in shock . creativity and originality are two adjectives lacking in most horror films nowadays but final destination is not like most horror films . sure  it has your traditional share of jerks and outsiders ( ali larter ', s character is particularly annoying )  but the shocks  from the beginning to the end  are extremely entertaining . also director wong has the sense not to take the movie too seriously . he knows its just another entertaining guilty pleasure that won ', t win any academy awards ( not even a golden globe ) . the myriad of inside jokes and gags ( the characters are named after famous horror directors  one character who plays a jerk is named carter  like x - files creator chris carter  and a song by john denver  who died in a plane crash  plays whenever death is near ) show this movie is a bunch of guys having a good time making a movie . and from this  i had a great time watching the movie .
pos " take a number  fill out a form  and wait your turn . " starring kati outinen  kari v ? ? n ? nen  sakari kuosmanen  elina salo ; written & directed by aki kaurism ? ki ; cinematography by timo salminen it might be possible to call drifting clouds a satire or a black comedy  but that would imply a sense of anger  of vitriol  of energy ; drifting clouds is what you get when the rage and vitality are gone . it is the sad  slow story of lauri and ilona  a married couple caught between the wheels of capitalism as it grinds inexorably onward . he loses his job as a tram driver  because everyone drives cars nowadays . within a couple of months  she loses her position as a head waiter  when her restaurant is bought out by a chain and the entire staff replaced . a conversation early in the film reveals a lot about their situation . lauri has surprised ilona by buying her a tv  which she greets with little enthusiasm . she notes that they haven ', t finished paying for the bookshelves or the couch yet . he says that in four years the payments will be done and then they can buy some books for the shelves . it would pass as deadpan humour if it wasn ', t spoken with such resigned weariness . this sets the tone for the rest of the movie . there is humour and idiosyncracy at the periphery  but at the centre there is frustration and futility  and sorrow for the ways in which the logic of profit reduces people  until their worth is equated solely with their earning capacity . there is an element of political commentary in this critique of the mechanisms of capitalism and the stultifying social environment it creates  but in drifting clouds the political is subsumed by the personal : the movie is about two people and what happens to them  and nothing else matters . lauri and ilona live lives starved for friendship  respect  culture  passion . they go to the movies  and walk out past old posters for l ', atalante and l ', argent  but the movie they have just seen is a pointless  violent  unfunny comedy . their house and workplaces are uniformly unpleasant  painted and upholstered in lifeless colours ( ugly greens  dull reds  insipid blues )  full of inelegantly functional objects and appliances . the art design is impeccable in its tawdriness  and director aki kaurism ? ki often matches the colour of characters ', clothes with the background colour and / or lighting  so that it seems as if they are almost physically fading into the environment . there is no suggestion of sexuality in the relationship ; ilona and lauri sleep in separate beds and their gestures of affection lack the heat of desire ; their lives are now bound by something more complex and desperate than love . their downward  downsized  downtrodden lives have a momentum that is almost comic  as one setback succeeds another  bottoming out when lauri stakes all their remaining money on the spin of a roulette wheel . it must have been tempting to play the story for more laughs  more farce  more deadpan wit  but the film ', s great strength is the sober  empathic manner in which it observes lauri and ilona ', s misfortunes . irony would be an injustice . situations and settings are broad and exaggerated -- this is not realism -- but they are not distorted . the emotions are authentic . if it is difficult to laugh at anything that happens  despite the droll performances  the laconic humour  that ', s because kaurism ? ki brings such compassion and understanding to the manifold indignities that are suffered . he shows us how humiliating it must be for a woman of thirty - eight  who has worked long and hard to win a respectable position  to be forced to accept a job as a dishwasher in a two - bit restaurant ; how humiliating it must be for a man nearing 50 to confront his wife ', s former employer  demanding the rest of her wages  only to have the crap beaten out of him  unable to land a single punch  when the employer and his cronies refuse to give him the money . all this is observed keenly  with great economy : every cut  every line of dialogue  is judicious . if most films are novelistic in their telling  this one brings the focus and concentration of a short story to bear . but what is gained in nuance and acumen is rather undermined by the sense that the material barely accommodates the 96 - minute running length . i have seen many movies far less profound  less humane  less necessary than drifting clouds  but they filled me with an urge to watch them again  and this one did not . it does not need to be seen twice : its every detail and implication can be absorbed in one viewing . it is not a movie that will be seen by a large audience  because it cannot be pitched to one . there is no selling point . it is all understatement  restraint  melancholy . the characters are unremarkable  their best years behind them  their dreams dissipated ; it takes all the effort they can muster just to pay the bills . this does not make them less fascinating  merely less marketable  which is a shame  because this is a movie which should be seen  precisely because it pays attention to people and emotions that most movies prefer to ignore . it engages us and touches us and resolves -- surprisingly  and movingly -- into something resembling a happy ending . the only thing greater than the ill - luck that governs the characters ', lives is their refusal to give in to despair . their persistence is rewarded with what might be called a " feel - good " ending elsewhere  but not here  because this ending differs in kind from most such endings : this one has truly been earned .
pos ingredients : london gal  fate  true love  running joke about monty python ', s spanish inquisition synopsis : american actress gwyneth paltrow with dark hair  playing a londoner ? believe it . sliding doors is a love ', what if ', story . the gimmick is that it ', s really two stories : the film follows the life of helen ( gwyneth paltrow ) down two directions . in the beginning  likeable gal ', helen ', ( gwyneth paltrow ) gets unexpectedly fired from her advertising job . so she goes into the subway train station meaning to return home early to her apartment and her sleeping live - in lover gerry ( john lynch ) . helen doesn ', t know it  but she is at a fateful junction in life : 1 ) if she enters through the sliding door of a london subway train her life takes one path with one future 2 ) if she stays on the platform her life takes another path with a different future . the film shows what happens in both paths  switching back and forth between intertwined  parallel stories . in story one  helen meets a charming and talkative monty python fan named james ( john hannah ) on the train . arriving home early  she discovers that her live - in  gerry ( john lynch )  is having sex with his former lover lydia ( jeanne tripplehorn ) . this leads to a life where helen moves out . helen ', s winsome new friend james helps her recover from a broken heart  and encourages her to start her own business . in story two  helen experiences a different fate . she misses the train  never meets james  and doesn ', t get home early enough to discover gerry ', s infidelity . in this new life  helen takes up odd menial jobs  and faces the constant sneaking suspicion that all is not right with her relationship with gerry . will the truth of the heart finally work its way through a number of problems and setbacks in both scenarios ? opinion : rejoice all ye monty python fans  gwyneth paltrow fans  and watchers of quirky romance flicks . at last here ', s proof that there ', s still creativity in 1990s filmmaking . sliding doors is refreshingly different from anything this year . not only is it a well - acted  heartwarming film  but it ', s also easily gwyneth paltrow ', s best recent performance . when helen ( paltrow ) screams that her unfaithful boyfriend is a ', shagging wanker  ', ( a british phrase better left untranslated ) she sounds like she knows what she ', s talking about ! nor does sliding doors go overboard with formulaic true love or other stereotypes . nobody scrambles around in danger  screaming  " i will find you no matter what  my darling ! " when helen finds herself on a boat in the starlight with james  she doesn ', t take the easy way out and leap into his arms  since she ', s supposed to be recovering from heartache . and handsome live - in boyfriend gerry isn ', t the stereotypical screen hunk ( either a stud or a snob ) . instead he ', s a nervous and indecisive  almost helpless hunk . another example : when one of the protagonists lies wounded in a hospital  sliding doors gives us neither the ', hospital miracle ', nor a maudlin tragedy but surprises us with a third variation . in other words  all of the characters seem non - stereotyped  human  and local . there are minor inconveniences . since sliding doors switches back and forth between two possible fates  it ', s occasionally difficult to distinguish between the two . distinguishing between the two stories isn ', t a problem in the scenes containing paltrow  who sports two different hairstyles . but in scenes containing only lydia and gerry  who look the same in both stories  it ', s slightly confusing . also  quite a few snappy comebacks referring to american pop culture ( seinfeld  woody allen  etc . ) are spoken by the british characters . but these seem slightly forced  given that the remaining dialogue is predominantly british slang . possibly an attempt by the screenwriter to balance the british so that american audiences can feel more comfortable ? sliding doors is a charming  quirky  original  happy romance with a little ', philosophy of fate ', thrown in . monty python and the meaning of fate  anybody ?
pos sick : the life and death of bob flanagan  supermasochist by fernando vallejo starring bob flanagan and sheree rose . interviews by kathe burkhart  kirby dick and rita valencia . produced and directed by kirby dick . running time : 90 mins . this film is not rated . the central themes of " sick : the life and death of bob flanagan  supermasochist " are pain and love  and its subsequent effect on a person ', s life . its protagonist  bob flanagan  who died at the age of 52  suffered from cystic fibrosis  a mortal disease which debilitates the lungs by saturating them with thick coats of mucus  preventing him from normal breathing . the movie is about much more than recouperating ( or attempting to ) from this disease . an audacious  fabulously triumphant docudrama  " sick " chronicles the life of flanagan and his vicious  unthinkable acts of sadomasochism conducted with his mistress of 15 years  sheree rose  who amazingly provided much of the footage for the film . flanagan ', s idelogy crosses the realms of rebelliousness and becomes transcendental  similar to terry zwigoff ', s brilliant 1994 " crumb "  which also explored the dysfunction of an artist by painting not a sympathetic portrait  but a realistic one . both crumb and flanagan revelled in their defects . but flanagan was not only a man content on enduring the pain via lungs  he inflicted acts of pain on himself at a very young age  courageously defying god ( he was an irish catholic ) and turning his body into a work of art  which he unraveled in museums and lectures . behold these works of physical art . among them is a metal ball inserted inside his anus  and  -- the most disturbing scene of the decade --  nailing his penis to a board . flanagan was a man of great intelligence  wit and humor  as well as adopting a sense of candidness scarcely seen in modern filmmaking . not only did he approach his disease with humor  peforming burlesque acts in front of an audience  he was also revitalized by his approachment . most with cystic fibrosis do not make it past their earlier twenties ( there ', s also a subplot involving a female devotee who knew death was awaiting her . ) but the most outstanding thing about " sick " is flanagan ', s relationship with sheree . brimming with honesty  sensual stimulation and unapologetically sad moments of pain  their powerful bond lifts " sick " into a rare cinematic high  where we forget we are in an auditorium and become a part of these people . the last scene  where we see the hero murmuring the last words to his wife in a hospital bed  as he struggles for his last moments of life  is raw  tender  hideous . it goes a step beyond cinematic intimacy .
pos studio expectations must not have been high for " great expectations " -- the film ', s release date was pushed from late december to late january at what appeared to be the last minute  therefore putting any academy awards chances it has off until this time in 1999 . it ', s actually a smart move  because while this updated take on the charles dickens tale isn ', t quite oscar fodder  it * is * strong enough to be distinguished from the cinematic dumping ground that usually makes up the first five or six weeks of any given year . " great expectations " also demonstrates how to modernize a classic story right  especially after the excruciatingly wretched excesses of baz luhrmann ', s " william shakespeare ', s romeo + juliet . " " great expectations " opens somewhere in 1970s florida ( the original story is set in 19th - century england )  as eight - year - old finn ( jeremy james kissner ) meets a trio of people who will have a profound effect on his life in the future . there ', s icy  11 - year - old estella ( raquel beaudene )  a pseudo - playmate of finn ', s ; ms . dinsmoor ( anne bancroft )  estella ', s auntie who ', s quite off - kilter over a past romance that never took off ; and a mysterious prisoner ( robert de niro ) whom finn saves the life of . finn  who lives with his sister ', s affable boyfriend ( lone star ', s chris cooper )  fancies himself an aspiring artist  and proves his prowess by whipping up an unusual portrait of estella using only ms . dinsmoor ', s lipstick  eyebrow pencil and the wallpaper from her dilapidating mansion . flash forward into the ', 90s ( after a brief stop in the ', 80s )  and finn ( now played by ethan hawke )  despondent over a strange hot - and - cold relationship with the elusive estella ( gwyneth paltrow )  receives quite a bit of money from an unknown benefactor ; it ', s enough cash to send him to new york to focus on a career in art . there  finn seems to gain everything he could ever want -- wealth  prestige and a high place in the glamorous art world . when estella resurfaces -- albeit with an aloof fianc ? ( hank azaria ) -- finn also sees the chance to renew their mutual attraction . but she ', s not the only ghost from finn ', s past that ', s going to be paying him a visit . comparisons with the afore - mentioned " romeo + juliet " seem inevitable since these films are the only ones in recent memory to plop classic drama into a current setting . " great expectations " is a much better venture  though  because it treats its source with even - handed respect  where " romeo " was never quite sure whether to be a spoof  a homage or both . the movie is a visual banquet thanks to emmanuel lubezki ', s sexy cinematography ; notably  he captures a revisited fountain kiss between the two leads with a luscious  erotic charge that ', s steamier than the film ', s ( surprisingly muted ) love scenes . the eclectic rock soundtrack compliments the on - screen action beautifully  especially new songs by tori amos  mono and duncan sheik . acting credits are first - rate  often hiding the screenplay ', s occasional slip - ups . hawke is sincere and solid as a leading man ( something we also learned from " gattaca " )  and his finn is quite a likeable guy . paltrow ', s estella  on the other hand  is rather underdeveloped . while the actress is at her icily seductive best  we ', re not told very much about her character  and as a result  it ', s often hard to understand why finn would appreciate her beyond a physical level ( but  oh  * what * a physical level ) ; sometimes  we root for finn although we don ', t quite understand why she ', s fueling his fire . robert de niro is nice and sophisticated in the benevolent kind of role he rarely gets to play ; on the other end of the acting spectrum is bancroft  a macabre  throaty delight who mambos and sucks down cigarettes with an eerie enthusiasm that would make norma desmond jealous . alfonso cuaron ', s visually elegant direction helps to distract from the dry moments that pop up more frequently around the movie ', s climax . another problem is predictability ; you can guess your way through the plot even if you aren ', t familiar with the story . despite its script flaws  though  " great expectations " is undeniably romantic without being corny or gloppy . and frankly  it ', s nice to see a film that embraces softened sensuality other than explicit sexuality . perhaps that renovated release date  awfully close to valentine ', s day  will end up helping " great expectations " ', seemingly average box office chances after all .
pos seen december 28  1997 at 8 : 45 p . m . at the crossgates mall cinema 18 ( guilderland  ny )  theater # 8  with matt perreault and my sister jena for free ( matt paid using pre - paid passes ) . if there ', s ever been an exception to the perils of excessive cliches and non - stop action  the james bond films are it . and if there ', s ever been a james bond film that not only proves this  but does so by pushing it to the extreme  " tomorrow never dies " is it . opening sequences almost always make or break action films . when done properly  not only are they actually exciting  but they foreshadow things to come . this film starts off on the right foot by establishing the kind of atmosphere that could only be found in an action movie  but with a sense of the self - aware  enclosed universe where james bond movies take place in . first there ', s a high - tech  slightly complicated scene involving a british warship crossing into unfriendly  chinese waters . there ', s definite tension as there seems to be an unknown  but certainly hostile  third party involved who is manipulating both sides . when the scene ends in tragedy  it ', s clear there ', s some kind of powerful conspiracy going on  and who else to call on for such a case but james bond ? the film uses good judgment in the way it introduces us to bond ( brosnon ) . as the enemy was portrayed as evil and mysterious  bond is clearly ( and obviously ) depicted as an out - and - out hero . he single - handedly takes out a small army of terrorists  and then must escape in the nick of time by flying away in a fighter jet while the co - pilot tries to strangle him and a terrorist in another jet tries to shoot him down ! this might sound like the kind of cliches films like this are notorious for ( over - ) using  but it works here because the film knows how to get our attention quickly . it ', s not about the payoff because it ', s obvious bond will escape  instead  it ', s the way it processes the action sequences by going over the top and not apologizing for it  all the while creating for witty  hysterical comedy . it seems less emphasis is placed on the villains in thrillers anymore  because of political correctness  and just plain copping - out on behalf of the filmmakers ( even the term " villain " sounds passe ) . what the film deserves kudos for is its ability to create a villain as heinous as they come  yet making him seem completely plausible . jonathon pryce delivers a perfect performance as the arrogant  cunning elliot carver  a media mogul whose goal is to take over the world  that is  through his massive media empire  not through nuclear weapons . through some interesting detective work  bond and the english ministry of defense believe carver is behind the trouble brewing in the southern asian seas as a way to create and accurately cover his own news . not only is that an original idea for a conflict  but one which could carry over into reality . surprisingly  this is about as detailed as the story allows the specific plot to become . the film ', s hook is the action  and of course those cool gadgets and we get plenty of that here as bond goes out to investigate carver and finds himself in a jam or two along the way . the story works much like bond himself - always on the run and concentrates more on the individual conflicts than any general plot . somehow a chinese agent  wai lin ( yeoh )  bumps into bond a few too many times and they find themselves working together . the chemistry between brosnon and yeoh is rigid  but also works because of this  not in spite of it . the two are constantly on the run from carver and his goons  yet the film manages to balance the stunts and special effects with its clever story . although " tomorrow never dies " is far from perfect  it is quite an impressive film in terms of its ability to be so cliche and cartoony and not make plausibility an issue .
pos james jones  one of the major novelists from the middle of the twentieth century  has written a number of fictional works about the effects of war on the individual . a veteran of world war ii  and a witness to the pearl harbor bombings  his novels are not only grounded in realism but poetic in nature . they are reminiscent of stephen crane in their blunt eloquence  a trait which lends itself to razor - sharp focus . but perhaps none matches the scope of his autobiographical novel  the thin red line ; now a cinematic masterpiece from director terrence malick . the book ', s principal cast  some thirty characters  has been trimmed down for this rendition  but it still retains its most endearing value . each of the roles has an everyman quality  emphasizing jones ', examination of world war ii on the american soldier . there ', s a definitive chain of command present  and this also plays on the motivations of the cast . but most importantly  and perhaps intrinsic to the novel but not to the movie  a dynamic and effective voice - over is used . malick has several characters relating their thoughts  giving the viewer a greater perspective of the issues at stake . the issues at stake are many and one . told from a limited third - person perspective ( as opposed to a top - down  omniscient view )  the movie entails the struggle of an american infantry company ( " c - for - charlie " ) to take a hill during the conflict at guadalcanal . the south pacific island is seen by the top brass as the key position for american armed forces to hold if they want to win the war . and want to win the war they do . in an excellent performance  nick nolte plays c - for - charlie ', s commanding officer  lt . col . gordon tall . he ', s an aging soldier who embodies the win - at - all - costs mentality  if only to impress his superior ( john travolta  in a questionable cameo ) . this philosophy is opposite that of captain bugger staros ( elias koteas )  who dearly values the life of each and every one of the men under his command . at the front are the privates and corporals ( adrien brody  james caviezel  ben chaplin  et al )  lead by 1st sgt . welsh ( sean penn )  who must actually execute the suicide orders handed down to them . the thin red line is filled with intense  visual poetry  but it ', s nearly three hours long . although the interest level is high throughout the first two hours  the climax comes forty - five minutes before the end of the movie ; it goes without saying that the movie drags on the back end . the thin red line will doubtless be compared to 1998 ', s other masterpiece of war  saving private ryan a countless number of times . but to do so is to belittle both films  for although similarities abound  so do differences . director malick has a story to tell  and for those interested in listening  this can be a very outstanding movie .
pos an energetic  visually stunning  but intellectually hollow recreation of the mysterious life of jeanne d ', arc . in history jeanne d ', arc is lost in an ocean of mystery and controversy  which creates the perfect launching pad for talented and creative directors  who can basically alter the story as they wish . she came in a time where people desperately needed a saint . a hero that could rescue them for misery and deliver peace and happiness . director / writer luc besson ( ', nikita ',  ', leon ', ) portrays his version of the peasant girl who commanded the armies of france and was burned at the stake for witchcraft . besson tries to recreate the person behind the legend . he tries not to show her as a saint or a villain . he shows her as a human being . in a time where blood was almost pouring from the sky  and the air smelled of rotten flesh  it is hard to keep your sanity . the only support and hope is in god . at the age of 13  jeanne ( milla jovovich ) watches her own sister murdered and raped by the english soldiers . this terrible event makes a lasting impact on jeanne ', s mind . god is no longer her support . he has become her obsession . she starts seeing visions and signs that command her to raise an army and free france from the siege of the english tyranny . with the help of the wise yolande d ', aragon ( faye dunaway ) and charles vii ( john malcovich )  whose grand royal ambitions and life are at stake  jeanne raises an army and marches towards the english walls . after this the film stays mostly on the battlefield  where besson demonstrates his ability to direct amazing action sequences  only occasionally resorting to a calmer tempo . the movie is filled with dreamy  symbolic images of pure artistic craftsmanship  that create a surreal and occasionally paranoiac atmosphere . the film is lost in time and space  hysterically jumping back and forth in jeanne ', s thoughts  imagination and conscience . besson ', s visual style permits the audience to enter the medieval age  feel the smell of fresh blood and the adrenaline pumping in your body in the heat of battle . but the film is far from being flawless . the script needs a lot of polishing . except for jeanne  there are no real characters . and although a grand star cast is assembled  their characters are nothing more than props  not more alive than the costumes that they are wearing . as for the maiden of lorraine herself  she is portrayed as a simple girl  too small for her divine task . in the latter part of the film  we see her as hysterical  confused and on the brink of madness  with her past purity and innocence for ever lost . jovovich handles the part with more panache than one might expect . but though her screen time is incredible excessive  both malcovich ( ', being john malcovich ', ) and dunaway ( ', titus ', ) surpass her rather overacted and simply unprofessional performance . and even hoffman manages to breathe some life into his dreadfully small part . besides casting jovovich  besson ', s only mistake is his extreme sense of patriotism that in the end ruins his so gloriously crafted painting . there are some viscously evil englishmen that murder  pillage and betray with a smile on their faces . and some incredibly brave and noble frenchmen  represented by the " three musketeers " of this story -- the brave gilles de rais ( vincent cassel )  the wise aulon ( desmond harrington ) and the strong la hire ( richard ridings ) . though all those actor perform well  their characters are nothing more than symbols -- banners that proclaim the glory of france . and thus  there is no sense of realism in this film . ', the messenger ', has muscles instead of brains . there is some relief in the end  where besson lays down his armor and starts thinking . dustin hoffman ', s appearance helps and the film ends elegantly and surprisingly effective with a climax worthy of praise . jeanne ', s character is unlocked  but whether god was in the picture or not  is never quite explained . was she a confused peasant girl driven by her own hunger for revenge ? or was she truly a messenger of god ? the film poses as many questions as answers and nothing is completely obvious . bess o messenger ', is nothing more than a fairly good film . it is not much that you remember of it after you leave the theater . maybe the sound  the dreamy sequences  but certainly not the dialogue . it is an elegant and adrenaline pumping history lesson for the mtv - generation  that although presents some interesting material  works better when it ', s on the battlefield .
pos i ', m not quite sure what to say about mars attacks !  which is obviously the work of a deranged genius . when tim burton ', s twisted alien invasion comedy really works  it ', s breathtaking and hilarious in equal measure . and when it doesn ', t work  it ', s just dull . i ', m not even sure it works more often than it doesn ', t  but where it counts -- that is  when this gleefully evil invading force from the red planet gets down to the business of blasting us to kingdom come -- mars attacks ! is brilliant . mars attacks ! is based on a rather unsavory series of trading cards released by topps in the 1950s  and it takes its cues from the same sources as this summer ', s independence day -- old alien invasion flicks  disaster movies  and big - budget special effects extravaganzas . but unlike independence day  which was a painfully middle - of - the - road appeal to the hearts  minds and wallets of america  mars attacks ! has a fully developed and very personal sense of wonder about it . the big difference is that while independence day celebrated the resilience of human beings  mars attacks ! portrays us as the greedy and hapless schmucks that we are . the title sequence is just splendid -- an incredible swarm of flying saucers rises out of the canals of the red planet and then storms earthward through the solar system in formation . the spinning metal saucers are dead ringers for the invading forces of movies past  and their first appearance on the big screen in combination with danny elfman ', s thundering  theremin - driven score is absolutely jaw - dropping . it ', s so overwhelming that  i swear to you  i had trouble breathing . the movie lays low for the next 40 minutes . we get a glimpse of the alien leader  resplendent in a purple - sequined cape  when a television message is broadcast to the people of the world -- naturally  the only way to communicate with earthlings is to preempt our regularly scheduled programming . but mostly  the first act is spent developing characters  setting up mildly comic situations  and drawing a quirky but dishearteningly drab picture of america according to tim burton . it ', s a good thing that the most compelling personality in the movie belongs to the aliens  because burton ', s just not interested in making more than caricatures out of his human stars . anyone who comes to mars attacks ! expecting to see a lot of one favorite actor is bound to be disappointed -- with few exceptions  these characters are dispatched as the film progresses . jack nicholson is a lot of fun as the president of the united states but fizzles as a sleazy las vegas hotel developer . rod steiger does an amusing enough take on dr . strangelove ', s buck turgidson  glenn close brings some star power to the role of the first lady  and martin short is a presidential aide who meets the martians in the white house ', s " kennedy room  " a secluded nook where he unwittingly tries to seduce an alien dressed up as a big - haired  pointy - breasted sexpot ( lisa marie  the burton flame who played vampira in ed wood ) -- in an earlier scene  it ', s made clear that the aliens studied human sexuality in the pages of an old issue of playboy . sarah jessica parker hosts her own tv show and michael j . fox is her newsman husband . the octogenarian sylvia sidney has a funny part as the old woman who cackles  " they blew up congress ! " and plays a decisive role in the defeat of the alien menace . jim brown and tom jones are the film ', s vegas - based heroes  and director barbet schroeder ( reversal of fortune ) has a funny cameo as the unfortunate french president . also on hand and underutilized are annette bening  pierce brosnan  pam grier  lukas haas and natalie portman ( the latter two also show up in woody allen ', s everyone says i love you ) . the real stars  of course  are the computer - generated martians  and they ', re fantastic . with bare brains glistening atop their grinning skull - faces  round egg - eyes with red pupils darting this way and that  these animated invaders are malevolence incarnate -- joe dante ', s gremlins are the closest equivalent in recent memory  but burton ', s little monsters are more inventive . the film ', s raison d ', etre are the scenes of crimes against mankind -- the most famous monuments of the world crumble under the alien assault  easter island is turned into a bowling alley  and the nasty little buggers perform hideous medical experiments on captured humans . the sheer level of mayhem is staggering  especially when the aliens make their first attack  blasting human beings into iridescent skeletons . parents are urged to pay special attention to the pg - 13 rating -- it ', s earned . the special effects vary from charming to astonishing to deliciously cheesy  and at least a couple of shots of mass destruction seem to have been engineered specifically in response to independence day  although mars attacks ! was in production long before that film ', s release . cinematographer peter suschitzky  who makes the most of wynn thomas ', s wildly imaginative production design ( thomas helped define the spike lee style )  actually took time off from his mars attacks ! regimen to shoot crash for david cronenberg . cronenberg ', s movie will almost certainly be more somber -- it won ', t be released in the u . s . until early next year -- but mars attacks ! is surely a similarly elegant nightmare . this is not a nice movie . ( and which studio executive was duped into giving burton $ 70 million to make it ? ) by setting the film ', s final scenes in the nearly empty  holocaust - ravaged america that independence day conveniently avoided  burton ', s invasion epic suggests that the world we ', ve got may not be worth saving until many of the people on it are dead . the victims of his invasion are naive  greedy  or disastrously self - absorbed -- and a good thing  too  since the movie ', s wicked charm is dependent on our ability to take this invasion partly as a wish - fulfillment fantasy . the surviving cast members are the innocents and the entertainers  who triumph by determining that the alien invaders -- the ultimate elitists -- are actually susceptible to the kitschiest strains of american pop culture . ultimately  this messy masterpiece is the year ', s funniest comedy and a weird  winking affirmation of the power of the people .
pos capsule : trippy  hyperspeed action machine from hong kong ', s accomplished tsui hark . van damme and rodman have nice chemistry  the stunts are eyepopping  and stuff gets blowed up real good ; what more do you want ? i admit i was all set to loathe double team ; it reeked of cheapjack timing - oriented marketing ( stick dennis rodman in a movie  quick  while he ', s hot  and do something about jean - claude van damme ', s flagging career while we ', re at it ! ) . surprise -- double team transcends its dumb roots and turns out to be a mess of fun . bring some friends  get some pretzels  and have a blast . van damme is jack quinn  an ex - agent who is brought back in for " one last mission " -- you ', d think any spy worth his shoe phone would run like hell when he hears those words . but van damme ', s character has a pregnant wife who ', s also a sculptor  and some unpleasant pressure gets used to get him to come through on this mission . he ', s been assigned to take down an old enemy  a terrorist named stavros ( mickey rourke  looking oddly subdued )  who may be back up to his old tricks . in the first showdown between quinn and stavros  the movie wears its ambitions proudly on its sleeve : nonstop action . an amusement park  a hospital  a private " retired spy " ', s retreat  most of rome  various houses  planes  cars and other modes of transport  and the coliseum ( ! ) all become arenas for some of the most bone - rattling shoot - outs and punch - outs filmed . they are better seen than described and are reason enough to see the film : one jaw - dropping scene has van damme taking on a man who uses a switchblade with his * feet * . ( van damme is a good  dextrous athlete and fighter  but he is often upstaged . ) there are other nice touches . stavros and quinn both want the same thing : to retire in peace with their families . that ambition ties them together in various ways  and also humanizes them a bit . one of the things about hk action movies is that there ', s always some form of human element  and that ', s carried over into this movie as well . it gives weight to scenes that would otherwise be forgettable . also good is dennis rodman  playing a weapons dealer named yaz -- a character who sticks out like a fistful of broken fingers and who is funny just standing there . rodman is natural on screen ; he ', s fun to watch  especially when slinging bad guys like basketballs  and deserves to get a movie of his own  based on what ', s seen here : a lightweight  fast - moving entertainment that showcases all of its pieces excellently .
pos the heartbreak kid ( reviewed on aug . 26th / 1998 ) starring charles grodin  cybill sheppard  eddie albert in " the heartbreak kid "  charles grodin plays one of the most unbelievably obnoxious characters i ', ve seen on screen in a long time . he ', s a guy who spends virtually the entire running time of the movie bullshitting his way from one situation to another . i doubt he ever expressed any genuine feeling at all during the film . as the film opens  he has just gotten married  and is on the way to miami beach for his honeymoon . halfway there  he begins to resent his bride . by the time he arrives at his hotel and has met the cybill sheppard character  he is ready to divorce his wife . as played by grodin  this character is the type of person that nothing will ever be good enough for him . the phrase " the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence " was practically written with him in mind . however  if he finds something he really wants  he will pursue it for as long as it takes . the only problem is  once he has it  he immediately loses interest . the end of " the heartbreak kid " is both hilarious and sad for that very reason . charles grodin is at his smarmy best here  and sheppard is quite appealing as the object of grodin ', s desire . however  the real scene stealer is jeannie berlin  daughter of director elaine may  as grodin ', s whiny bride . she owns every scene that she ', s in  and makes you almost want to root for what the grodin character is trying to do . " the heartbreak kid " was written by neil simon and it shows . simon loves to deconstruct and analyze human relationships  and he ', s at the top of his game here . as maddeningly obnoxious as the grodin character is  he ', s the type of guy that everyone knows . the character of george costanza on " seinfeld " seems to have been modelled after him . the only problem with the film is that it ', s not that funny  and it ', s billed as a comedy . as much as i could see the realism in the characters  it would have been nice to have a chuckle here and there . " the heartbreak kid " is not a date movie . it has an extremely negative view of relationships  so seeing it with a girlfriend / boyfriend  could be hazardus to your health .
pos it ', s a curious thing - i ', ve found that when willis is not called on to carry the whole movie  he ', s much better and so is the movie . even though  in the sixth sense he is the " name "  he doesn ', t have the pivotal role . that honour goes to haley osment who plays cole sear ( cute pun  seer ) a 9 year old boy who can see ghosts . if osment was cute or precious  the director going for the maudlin  this would be nothing more than a movie - of - the - week  thankfully  osment is not only better than that  but in some instances  blows everyone else off the screen in a bravura performance . we get to see his fears  vulnerabilities  strengths and intelligence which makes the sixth sense one of the best movies i ', ve seen this year . the whole cast matches him in quality  with willis giving a fairly low key performance that matches the subject matter . one thing about this movie  its target . this isn ', t a sfxfest like the haunting or a gorefest  this is more what i ', d call a supernatural drama  more interested in characters than in dazzling you with makeup . one caveat : there ', s a lovely twist in the movie  something like the usual suspects  where you end up replaying the movie in your head rethinking what you have just seen . i was extremely lucky to see it as a sneak preview in toronto  before any hype or critical reviews were out  so i went in with no biases . if anyone want to talk to about the movie before you see it  don ', t let them . let the director explain on his own pace and you ', ll enjoy the movie vastly more .
pos i ', ll be the first to admit i didn ', t expect much from the emperor ', s new groove : more celine dion - esque song - and - dance numbers  cuddly characters that become cross - promotion devices in mcdonald ', s happy meals  and hollywood stars trying to gain credibility by adding a voice - over job to their resume . i was dead wrong about all of those things . the emperor ', s new groove is funny . damn funny . and the cute characters in the film are the dangerous ones . the script is fast and furious  with no singing and dancing . the animation is clean and would give walt a warm feeling all over . the humor is dry and aimed at both the cynicism and the goodness in all of us . the story is ridiculously weird and comes off as a strange acid trip involving talking  cross - dressing llamas and schizophrenia . here ', s the plot ; try to follow along . set in a mythical kingdom  the film follows the adventures of kuzco ( david spade )  an arrogant and egocentric emperor . when kuzco fires his power - hungry advisor  yzma ( eartha kitt )  she and her " assistant " kronk ( seinfeld ', s patrick warburton ) change him into a llama . kuzco then gets stranded in the jungle and must rely on pacha ( john goodman )  a llama - herder whose home was to be replaced by kuzco ', s water world theme park  to save him . then the fun starts . for the next sixty minutes  the audience is treated to something unheard of in disney films these days : imagination . yzma  voiced by the talented singer eartha kitt  looks like a cross between norma desmond  joan crawford  and a really old vegas showgirl . the dialogue between her and her oblivious assistant kronk is quick  sharp  and feels like an episode of seinfeld ( which would make sense ) . david spade and john goodman ', s character interactions make you feel like you ', re watching an old hope / crosby film . spade is beyond dry with his humor and shoots below the belt on several occasions  and i laughed out loud several times . needless to say  that is an extremely rare thing in disney screenings these days . the best part about the emperor ', s new groove is how audacious the film is . the sheer weirdness factor is very high . cross - dressing  schizophrenia  duality of soul  people being turned into every animal on noah ', s boat  llama cpr  homoerotic tendencies  an emperor with his own theme song and singer  michael jackson dance moves  and a guy that can communicate with a squirrel are only a few of the oddities that make the film a true orginal . simply put  the emperor ', s new groove is one of the best children ', s films out for this holiday season . kids will enjoy the adventures  and parents will enjoy the story and dialogue . that ', s a tough thing to pull off in a single package  but this emperor manages to do it .
pos before even seeing a single frame of the film  it would be easy to snicker at deep impact  in which a comet on a collision course with earth threatens the existence of all life on the planet . it is the latest entry in this decade ', s dubious revival of the ', 70s disaster film  and the first of two " the sky is falling " flicks to hit screens this year ( the other being this coming july ', s armageddon  in which a meteor is the threat ) . its tagline  " oceans rise . cities fall . hope survives " is not as cornball as that of the utterly ridiculous collapsing tunnel thriller daylight ( " they came in alone . . . the only way out . . . is together " )  but it ', s every bit as treacly . the opening moments of deep impact offer more to snicker at . the cheesiness is not confined to the disaster movie conventions  such as the usual opening " roll call  " in which all the major characters and their personal problems are introduced . the most prominent of the " personal " stories is that of ambitious tv news reporter jenny lerner ( tea leoni )  who is distraught that her father ( maximilian schell ) left her mother ( vanessa redgrave ) for a younger woman ( rya kihlstedt ) . what is just as snicker - worthy is how this co - venture between paramount and dreamworks skg aggressively pushes another high - profile corporate collaboration  microsoft and nbc ', s cable news network msnbc  which employs jenny  who is the film ', s ostensible main character . in the vision of america presented here  msnbc is the television news source of choice in every home  when in reality it only reaches a fraction of the country . the initial signs point toward something along the lines of a volcano or dante ', s peak  but there ', s one thing about deep impact i underestimated : the skills of director mimi leder . she won an emmy for her helming work on nbc ', s smash er  which is essentially a weekly disaster movie  each episode featuring a new set of guest stars with their own personal and medical crises . the challenge presented by this format to the director is twofold : ( 1 ) to make the audience care for these guest characters  regardless of how briefly seen or thinly written they are  and ( 2 ) powerfully tug at the emotions without being heavy - handed or overly melodramatic . having passed the " er challenge " in numerous episodes and showed a flair for creating suspense in the peacemaker  leder could not be a better fit to bring michael tolkin and bruce joel rubin ', s rather formulaic disaster screenplay to screen . as the countdown to impact progresses  the ominous feeling of doom is palpable  leading the final act to take on a surprisingly convincing and affecting emotional dimension . there ', s nothing here that will profoundly move anyone  but the fact that anything manages to touch the heart is high achievement in a genre generally more concerned with effects . situations that initially feel contrived  such as jenny ', s familial crisis and the teenage romance between sarah hotchner ( leelee sobieski ) and comet discoverer leo biederman ( elijah wood )  achieve some poignance ; and even the more vaguely drawn characters  including u . s . president tom beck ( morgan freeman )  astronaut spurgeon " fish " tanner ( robert duvall )  and his rather faceless crew ( ron eldard  jon favreau  mary mccormack  blair underwood  and alexander baluyev ) aboard the comet - bombing spacecraft messiah  have their share of touching moments . the latter fact owes a debt to the actors  who all do a solid job and are well - cast  with the possible exception of leoni ; she delivers a decent performance  but her trademark unconventional speech rhythms and line delivery make her somewhat hard to buy as a star news broadcaster . although its catastrophic theme and impressive special effects work ( the giant ocean waves are particularly spectacular ) place deep impact in the same category as the likes of twister  it is the first of the ', 90s disaster films to successfully marry the advanced film technology with emotions that ring true -- a film that makes a genuine impact  even if it isn ', t as deep as hoped .
pos the heist of a flawless  84 carat diamond  fixed bare knuckle fights  irish gypsies and a dog are just some of the goings on in director guy ritchies ', s sophomore feature  " snatch . " " lock  stock and two smoking barrels " intro ', d helmer / scripter ritchie with a hyper - kinetic  in your face underworld comedy that grabbed the viewer ', s attention from beginning to end . his protagonists were innocents set adrift in a see of sharks to swim or be eaten alive . with " snatch  " the director doesn ', t remake his first work  but he does delve more deeply into the criminal underbelly of london  mining a rich collection of characters in the process . > from the very beginning  " snatch " tosses you into the action with the theft of the fabulous diamond  the desire of new york gangster avi ( dennis farina ) . en route from antwerp  diamond thief and courier frankie four fingers ( benicio del toro ) stops in london to make a separate deal with avi ', s partner and cousin  doug " the head " ( mike reid ) . frankie ', s addiction to gambling tempts him into making a bet on an illegal boxing match for boris " the blade " ( rade sherbedgia )  a ruthless russian mobster . the bet turns out to be a setup for a robbery by a trio of bumbling incompetents - vinnie ( robbie gee )  sol ( lennie james ) and portly tyrone ( ade ) - that goes miserably awry . meanwhile  a couple of young toughs  turkish ( jason stratham ) and tommy ( stephen graham )  are trying to break in to the boxing game with the help of local villain brick top ( alan ford )  who also owns a pig farm . when their first fighter is put out of action  with one punch  by a wild irish gypsy named mickey o ', neil  they figure to put the loose canon in as the contender in a fixed fight . mickey proves less than reliable and goes against turkish and tommy ', s deal . brick top  impressed by mickey ', s performance  decides to gives them another chance - after calmly explaining that it takes 16 pigs about eight minutes to completely devour a corpse . when avi doesn ', t get his precious rock  he jumps on a plane for london and hires a local legend  " bullet tooth " tony ( vinnie jones )  to find frankie and the diamond . things spiral out of control as all these forces head on a collision course of double - cross and double - deals - and a dog that ate a squeaky toy . guy ritchie ( mr . madonna to some ) is an extraordinarily talented auteur who has a wonderful knack for pulling together his unique collection of cast and crew and feeding them funny and gritty dialog that spews out of the characters ', mouths like machine gun fire . the helmer marshals his large ensemble actors in a frantically paced caper comedy that makes you laugh and feel queasy at the same time  the above description by brick top being just one example . the assemblage of actors and non - actors in rough - and - tumble settings gives " snatch " an earthy feel in its depiction of london ', s criminal underworld . the cast of characters is too large to credit here  but two of the performances - first among equals  you might say - are worth noting . alan ford is brilliant as the ruthless  evil brick top . when he refuses sugar in his tea because " i ', m sweet enough  " it makes you shiver  even as you laugh . his is one of the best gangster characters i ', ve seen in years . the other outstanding perf is given by none other than brad pitt  the name actor the movie ', s popularity may hang upon  at least initially . pitt  as mickey o ', neil  is hard drinking  hard fighting  highly unreliable and nearly incomprehensible with a unique irish brogue and dialect of the pikers  the irish travelers of europe . this gypsy brigand would steal the fillings from your teeth  especially if it would benefit his beloved mum ( sorcha cusack ) . when brick top threaten the safety of mickey ', s family  he makes an enemy that cannot be stopped . pitt puts a credible spin on his character and does some incredible physical stuff  too  as a bare - knuckle boxer . the production team behind the camera includes ritchie alumni  producer matthew vaughn and lenser tim maurice - jones  and other talented technical artist that bring the hyperactive imagination of the author to visual life . there is a patent feel to the look of " snatch " and " lock  stock and two smoking barrels " that reeks of " signature " for ritchie  but i ', m not sure how this will translate in his future works . there is so much talent in the filmmaker that i would like to see him branch out in other directions . nonetheless  " snatch " is terrific sophomore effort  a darn good action comedy and a hoot to boot . i give it a b + .
pos tbwp is probably the single most profitable film ever . not surprising  considering its tiny us $ 100  000 budget  to date it has earned in excess of us $ 130 million . that ', s a shocking 100 times profit ! rumours have it that a smart internet ` marketing ', ploy was so successful in gaining cult - like fanatics  by word of mouth coupled with strings of excellent reviews  the film just exploded in the box - office  raking in millions on its opening weekend . shot in 16mm and video ( i suspect \x05 . )  the film chronicles the forays of 3 students who go in search for the legendary blair witch . audiences are put in the first - person perspective in the entire mis - adventure  often wobbly and blurry at times  it takes a bit of getting used to in the beginning . this is supposed to be the material they discovered in the woods where the 3 disappeared ; edited and put onto the screen for the benefit of our audiences . tbwp is simply smart . filmed to look as if it was really a stock - shoot by a bunch of students in search of the blair witch as a school project  one may suspect ( like yours truly ) that its simply a lazy but smart approach to film - making . simply amazing in that respect  i must say . talk about impact  oh yes  tbwp does have quite a bit  in fact most audience will find it deeply disturbing . i did  especially the last bit but i ', m not revealing more . you have to see it for yourself . i can ', t help but feel a tad cheated after knowing how commercially successful this film has become . could it be that finally  an indie - film has unwittingly found a formula for commercial appeal ? or was it all simply a ploy by the big players right from the beginning ? well  i guess the fact stays ; tbwp is highly original  clever and will most definitely leave most with something dreadful to talk and think about for weeks prior to watching this film . no gore  no special effects  i just can ', t get over how terribly smart this film is !
pos i am starting to write this review before going to see strawberry and chocolate  cuba ', s oscar nominee for best foreign film  directed by tomas gutierrez alea ( who also directed the sometimes and in some circles critically acclaimed memorias del subdesarrollo -- " memories of underdevelopment " . i saw memorias as part of a cuban cinema class back in the late ', 70s ; it merged the politics of the cuban revolution with mundane elements of the human condition . i knew then that memorias was probably a state - sanctioned political missive  and now expect strawberry will follow suit . fellow internetters  primarily in the newsgroup dedicated to cuba ( soc . culture . cuba )  have mentioned that strawberry is a harsh criticism of the revolution and its current state of affairs . i have jumped to the conclusion that strawberry is nothing more than a veiled attempt at espousing the party line -- it probably looks like political criticism  but it ain ', t so . having some first hand and extensive anecdotal knowledge of castro ', s repressiveness  i can ', t conceive of his tolerating honest and adversarial criticism of the revolution  and i can ', t imagine his letting anyone even suggest his failure as a leader of a failed movement . as kids say these days  duh !  the revolution ', s current state needs no criticism ; its physical and spiritual crumbling is self evident . the proper questions to put relate to castro ', s legitimacy . i bet the film takes castro ', s power for granted  and that this or any other movie  produced under cuba ', s state control  cannot question his right to run cuba ', s political show ( ongoing now for more than 36 years ) . that ', s why i just can ', t believe strawberry is an honest criticism of the regime . let ', s see what happens after the room goes dark and the screen lights up . i saw the film -- twice . i was right ; castro remained intact . strawberry negotiates the relationship between a young " dialectic materialist  " as he describes himself  and a homosexual photographer ( diego ) in 1979 cuba . the young man ( david ) is the son of peasants ; a symbol of the revolution ', s reason for being . grateful to the revolution for the opportunity to receive a university education  he studies political science instead of literature  his avocation  because he perceives it is his duty . therein lies a likely unintended irony  since cuba has no need for political theoreticians . cuba ', s government is castro . diego ', s lifestyle is the antithesis of revolutionary life . he enjoys the finer things -- tea  opera  art . he does not do " voluntary work " for the revolution . his small apartment is a sensual oasis . the moniker " bourgeois " figuratively hangs over his head during the early parts of the movie . however  he is a " revolucionario " in his own way . the supporting roles are filled by : an aging busybody with a heart of gold and a troubled psyche ; david ', s roommate  who rally takes the communist party line to its expected extreme ; david ', s ex - girlfriend  who dumped him for another guy  yet wants to bed him before she leaves for italy with her husband ; german  a gay sculptor whose work diego is attempting to exhibit  and who strikes a faustian pact with the government . gutierrez alea and co - director juan carlos tabio do a fine job at almost showing that homosexuals can be revolutionaries too . heck  towards the end of the film you begin to think the guy deserves a medal for his patriotic fervor . he really loves the revolution ( as supposedly does everybody else in cuba ) and wants to make it better by exposing and correcting some of its flaws . real criticism is missing though . this movie is political window dressing . luis aguilar leon ', s op . ed . piece on fresa in the miami herald ( 10 march 1995  at 21a ) did not color my judgment ; it presaged my intuition . aguilar leon expressed my sentiment about this film ', s political angle best : like many artistic manifestations in cuba  strawberry and chocolate sprang from a totally manipulated environment . as art critic ivan de la nuez well states in the latest issue of the magazine postmodern notes  the silenced artists are those who refuse to accept " the charade in which artists can provoke up to a point  while the institutions legitimize themselves by forbidding them to go beyond that point . " although terrible propaganda  this is otherwise a fine film .
pos capsule : this is a 1950s or 1960s style heist film  set in the present . robert deniro stars as a risk - adverse safecracker who wants to retire form crime but takes one last job at the request of a personal friend ( played by marlon brando ) . edward norton plays a hotshot young sharpster who is also in on the crime . the plot is mostly straightforward suspense with little nonsense .  + 2 ( - 4 to + 4 ) i am sure i must have seen almost the identical plot before . this is a heist film made for an adult audience who probably wanted a crime film like they had seen in theaters when they were teens . there are no superhuman acrobats taking nosedives off of buildings like in entrapment . there is no rock score . there are no ballet - like martial arts . this is just a basic heist film with a decent and distinctly credible and un - flashy script . nick ( played by robert deniro ) is a safecracker who has managed to be successful by never taking risks . if a job is not a safe bet ( pun intended )  he backs out . sometimes even the safe bets turn out not to be so safe . when one job very nearly goes wrong nick is unnerved enough to decide that it is nature telling him that it is time to get out of the game . he returns to his home in montreal where he owns a jazz club  and decides to manage it full time . he proposes to his girl friend diane ( angela bassett ) . she has one condition . he must stay retired from crime . but before the deal can be cemented  max  a montreal kingpin and personal friend  has one last supposedly easy job for nick . nick wants no part particularly because the heist will be right in his hometown of montreal . more and more details seem to complicate the job . nick ', s partner in the crime is to be a smart  but uncontrollable young crook  jack ( edward norton ) . jack treats a locked front door like a welcome mat  even at his associates ', homes . the young crook is a know - it - all who seems good at everything he does but at avoiding rubbing people the wrong way . together they plan to steal a priceless historic artifact from the montreal customs house . the script by kario salem  lem dobbs  and scott marshall smith works like an episode of the old " mission impossible " television series . we see pieces of the heist being put together  last minute changes  and things that go wrong  much like a good episode of " mission impossible . " this team might not be bad choices to write scripts for the tom cruise " mission impossible " films . the complications are  however no more and no fewer than are needed to make the story believable . the telling is cold and noirish  which is just what it is supposed to be . director frank oz  the voices of yoda and miss piggy proves surprisingly good at directing a serious crime film . the score has a more than adequate cast with little flashy or scene - stealing acting . edward norton probably has the flashiest role and even that is low - key by today ', s standards . he plays what is nearly a double role . jack pretends to be a brain damage victim to be hired for a job in the customs house . one nice ( ? ) character i have not mentioned is stephen ( jamie harrold ) . stephen is a master hacker who lives in his mother ', s basement in a house with a lot of screaming in both directions . he seems like the last person the risk adverse nick would want to depend upon . the film itself remains low - key up until the time of the climactic heist . then the pace really picks up . before that the plot even stops twice for jazz interludes . though oz never lets the music steal time from the story the way woody allen does in sweet and lowdown . on the subject of music  the score of the score is by howard shore . it adds tension to the suspense scenes  but never seems to have much of a melody . angela bassett is the one misused celebrity in a totally minor role that should have been played by a less famous actress who needed a break . she has nothing to do in the film but demand that nick give up crime and to look like an attractive reward if he does . speaking of being attractive the score seems to be attracting an older audience who learned to appreciate much the same sort of film in the 1950s and 1960s . it does the job . i rate it a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a + 2 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
pos don ', t let the following quirks of this review  fool you into believing that this movie is anything short of an ultimate labour of love . but one can see the humour of roberto benigni when you see that ? life is beautiful  even though i ', m a short  ugly looking man with an obnoxious laugh . life is beautiful even though i haven ', t amounted to much in life  except working out the finer intricacies of waitering . i ', m a lucky sort of a guy  especially when a beautiful woman strips away my venner of superficiality to find a new age  sensitive guy with the biggest heart in the entire world underneath - life is beautiful ! i ', m a jew  but life can still be beautiful . the nazis put me in a concentration camp  but life is still beautiful . i love my son very much and that ', s what matters  and that ', s what makes life beautiful . my ability to entertain somehow convinces my son that living in a concentration camp is somewhat beautiful ? i get shot for my efforts and the woman i love  but hey that ', s life and that ', s still a beautiful thing - so by jove don ', t give me any crap about it ! by far the movie with the biggest heart this decade and well deserves every nomination and award that it has achieved . well done  there should be more film directors and actors like you roberto benigni .
pos getting it right is a far far cry from the teenage sex comedy you might expect from a summer movie about male virginity . the film was directed by randal kleiser  who brought us such bubble - gum classics as grease and the blue lagoon . but thanks to kleiser ', s surprisingly good direction and an intelligent script  getting it right is a pleasantly quiet  moving  and memorable film -- one geared strictly toward a sophisticated  adult audience . getting it right stars jesse birdsall ( emily lloyd ', s boyfriend in wish you were here ) as gavin  a painfully shy 31 - year - old hairdresser who lives at home with his parents and who -- gasp -- is still a virgin . gavin has no problem whatsoever making small talk with the elderly women who clamor for his services at the hair salon  but expose him to a single 30 - year - old beauty and he ', s a mess . much to gavin ', s surprise  the woman who finally brings him out of his shell and robs him of his virginity is joan ( lynn redgrave )  a rich  married  and lonely 45 - year - old . getting it right is the simple story of gavin ', s awkward and haphazard efforts to get it right ; that is  to find the right woman to fulfill his life . getting it right is one of those rare movies that devotes itself entirely to in - depth character development . gavin ', s self - conscious voice - over narration of his experiences firmly thrusts us into his psyche . we observe his fascinating metamorphosis from shy and passive introversion to assertive and self - confident maturity . birdsall ', s superb  understated performance as gavin is the real backbone of the film ; he seems convincing and authentic throughout . the charm of getting it right also lies in the wide array of people who inhabit or invade gavin ', s life . despite her limited screen time  redgrave makes quite a splash in the movie as gavin ', s middle - aged seducer . for a supporting character  joan is unusually and impressively complex  thanks in large part to redgrave ', s magnificent performance . gavin is also pursued  or perhaps plagued  by minnie  the totally neurotic daughter of a rich aristocrat . after minnie and gavin meet at a party  she takes great pleasure in disrupting his safe and simple life . helena bonham carter is delightfully pathetic and kooky in the role  and sir john gielgud  with his tongue in his cheek  embodies the height of arrogance as her father . gavin ', s eventual love - interest is jenny  the adorable twenty - year - old single mother who assists him at the beauty salon ; london stage actress jane horrocks ', fine performance yields a touchingly sweet character . peter cook  the great british satirist  appears briefly in the film as gavin ', s uptight employer . the scenes of gavin ', s home life with his parents are also a treat . gavin ', s over - protective mother ( pat heywood )  whom even woody allen would find overbearing  almost steals the movie . her life seems limited to just two activities : treating gavin like a 10 - year - old and preparing exotic but inedible meals  such as scalding hot curry and baked chicken with chocolate sauce . gavin and his father ', s attempts to avoid eating her meals are extremely amusing . getting it right  for the most part  is very well - crafted  except for two minor shortcomings . first  the movie is about 15 minutes too long  and consequently it loses momentum at times . second  the film includes an altogether extraneous subplot about the domestic problems between gavin ', s best friend  harry  and his unfaithful lover  winthrop . overall  however  getting it right is quite memorable for its humor  depth  sophistication  and outstanding acting . director kleiser and screenwriter elizabeth jane howard ( adapting her own highly acclaimed novel ) deserve praise for finding just the right tone for this tale of growth  maturation  and self - discovery .
pos no matter what you suspect  this isn ', t your usual action thriller . the usual suspects is an intelligent crime mystery story from up - and - coming director bryan singer . it ', s one of those movies that  after everything is revealed rapid - fire at the end  you immediately want to rewind and watch again because earlier scenes take on a new light . plot twists a - go - go are what you get here -- i gave up trying to figure out the mystery of keyser soze after awhile and just sat back and waited for them to reveal it to me . keyser soze is a name you ', ll hear at least a hundred times if you watch the usual suspects and for good reason . it ', s not only the name of the mysterious ( and possibly even mythical ) crime boss in the movie  it also sums up the movie -- " keyser soze " in latin means " an intelligent crime mystery story from up - and - coming director bryan singer . " or maybe i shouldn ', t have bought a foreign - language dictionary from the same company that makes those 99 - cent encyclopedias sold in supermarkets . at the movie ', s opening  a group of known criminals are brought in for a police lineup  including mcmanus ( stephen baldwin )  keaton ( gabriel byrne )  fenster ( benicio del toro )  buckney ( kevin pollack ) and verbal ( kevin spacey  winner of the best supporting actor academy award { symbol 153 \\ f " times new roman " \\ s 10 \\ h } for his performance in the movie ) . verbal is so - named because he frequently rambles on about anything or nothing . he also earns his name as the movie ', s narrator  spouting memorable lines like " the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn ', t exist " ( although  obviously  he does exist -- what else could explain kris kross having a comeback in 1996 ? ) while being interrogated by police detective chazz palminteri ( any actor with multiple z ', s in their name is okay in my book ) . we see the story unfold as spacey retells it . the five felons  upon being released from the lineup  get their revenge on the police by exposing a corrupt taxi service -- whereby elite criminals pay to be smuggled through town in cop cars -- and stealing all the money and drugs in the car . it ', s a definite case of male bonding for the five criminals  who later find out they were brought together by the unseen keyser soze  who sends a minion to them with an offer they can ', t refuse . namely  they have to destroy soze ', s main competitors in organized crime by infiltrating a ship  shooting a bunch of people  burning all the drugs and stealing $ 91 million cash . spacey does a terrific job of bringing his seemingly unintelligent " cripple " character to life and baldwin  byrne  palminteri and the rest make for a good supporting cast . the usual suspects is one of those movies that deftly mixes scenes of violence and explosions with an underlying sense of mystery and suspense  keeping the viewer guessing until the very end -- and then still leaving a few details open for scrutiny and discussion . i suppose all that would be cleared up if i really had rewound the movie and watched it again instead of changing the channel and wondering in disbelief what the hell kris kross was doing on mtv . a different mystery  i guess  which may turn into a _murder_ mystery if that video ever comes on again . . .
pos " dangerous beauty " is a really nothing more than a grandiose soap opera set in venice circa 1583 . it is beautifully filmed  wonderfully acted  and certainly nothing short of entertaining  but it lacks any true fundamental seriousness . dealing with themes of forbidden love  religious intolerance  subordination of women  sexual freedom  and the roles of pleasure and sin in a high - cultured society  it still feels like brightly lit fluff . the director  marshall herskovitz  doesn ', t want to follow the dark and dangerous trail this story could lead down  so he opts for a more genial  livelier  and relatively shallow interpretation . the film takes place during the renaissance  a time when venice was the pleasure capital of europe . at this time  venice was its own republic  and it thrived on being the central juncture of east - west commerce . the film is told almost entirely through the viewpoint of the aristocracy and the bourgeoisie of venice  so we rarely get to see how the rest of the society lived . however  there is an abundance of detail concerning the lives and livelihoods of the upper classes  their hedonistic lifestyles and constant merriment . the story centers on veronica franco ( catherine mccormack )  a lower class woman who falls in love with marco venier ( rufus sewell )  the son of wealthy aristocratic parents ( jeroen krabb ? and joanna cassidy ) . unfortunately  the culture of that time period did not view marriage as an act of love -- rather  it was more like a business transaction  where rich families married their sons and daughters to each other in order to secure power  wealth  and ensure that outsiders couldn ', t get in . veronica  despite her charm and good looks  is certainly an outsider . after a short love affair  marco breaks her heart with the news that he cannot marry her . however  because she is beautiful and intelligent  veronica has a chance to enter marco ', s world  albeit not as his wife . she decides to become a courtesan -- a class of women who were as well - educated as they were ravishing  and sold their sexuality to wealthy men for the privilege of wining and dining with the elite . a courtesan was not a mere prostitute ; they were afforded a special place in society  and they were greatly revered  respected  and often envied . at one point  a character mentions that some rulers obtain more political advice from their courtesans than from their lieutenants . veronica goes through the transformation with the help of her mother  paola ( jacqueline bisset )  who was once a famed courtesan herself . once she enters the lifestyle  veronica finds that it suits her quite well . she is allowed to read all the books she wants  she is given the opportunity to publish her poetry  and she has the richest and most powerful men in the republic throwing themselves at her feet  including the awestruck marco . their relationship develops into a playful bantering  with veronica utilizing her newfound power by constantly rejecting marco ', s advances . in many ways  their relationship is sad because marco is married to a women he is unable to love  and veronica is consumed by multiple relationships with men she is unwilling to love . " love the love  not the man  " as her mother told her . " dangerous beauty  " which was based on a factual book by margaret rosenthal  flows along as smoothly and serenely as the grand canal running through the heart of venice . it has multiple plot lines -- including veronica ', s adversarial relationship with a court poet ( oliver platt )  her role in obtaining france ', s military assistance in venice ', s battle against the turks  and even the dreaded shadow of the plague and the encroachment of the spanish inquisition -- yet it is never confusing or overbearing . much of the film ', s success is due to the glowing performance by catherine mccormack in the lead role . known chiefly for the small part she played as the lover whose murder raised mel gibson ', s ire in " braveheart " ( 1995 )  mccormack shows the true gifts and inarguable talent of a leading lady . she has the kind of exquisite classical beauty that would be treasured in a courtesan ; her character is intelligent  witty  and both sensual and vulnerable  all of which mccormack easily transmits with a single flash of her eyes . the rest of the roles are also filled well  including rufus sewell whose performance here and earlier this month in " dark city " have assured him a solid place in hollywood . he has the same kind of unusual good looks and charm of ray liotta  and he seems perfectly at home in period dramas . oliver platt plays a variation of the comic relief role that he has come to inhabit like a second skin  although the film deals his character a cheap blow at the end by having him improbably join the inquisition and turn into the bad guy . platt is a good actor  but he ', s just too hard to hate . jacqueline bisset proves that she is every bit as stirring as she ever was  and even fred ward turns up in a small  but moving performance as marco ', s uncle . " dangerous beauty " is marshall herskovitz ', s sophomore directorial effort  after the overlooked 1993 film " jack the bear . " partnered with edward zwick  herskovitz has spent most of his time as a producer on television ( " thirtysomething  " " my so - called life " ) and in the movies ( " legends of the fall " ) . his directing style can be best described as transparent -- it never gets in the way of the story  yet it has no discernible flourish or particular distinctions . he could have approached the film in any number of ways  including overdosing on the sexual aspect  which he wisely avoids . " dangerous beauty " contains just enough bare flesh and ribald sex to make it appropriately erotic  but not so much that it seems exploitative . herskovitz is also aided by a strong supporting crew  including the luscious photography by bojan bazelli  whose previous efforts include the highly - stylized thriller " kalifornia " ( 1993 ) and abel ferrara ', s dark sci - fi film " body snatchers " ( 1994 ) . bazelli captures the film in strong  bold colors  and be brings sixteenth - century venice to life in wide  panoramic shots that are often enhanced with digital imagery . however  the real details are found in the production design by norman garwood ( " brazil  " " the princess bride " ) and the costumes by gabriella pescucci ( " the age of innocence " ) . the only problem with " dangerous beauty " is that it doesn ', t stick with you . it ', s a good story well - told with interesting characters  but it ', s easy to shrug off once you ', ve left the theater . the only sequence that has the chance to be truly indelible is veronica being pulled in front of the hypocrisy of the inquisition and threatened with the death penalty for her transgressions  but it never quite comes off because it ', s simply too melodramatic and conventional . herskovitz tries with all his might to make it a nailbiter  but somehow its outcome is a foregone conclusion  and like the rest of the film  it carries no real weight  despite the potential severity of the subject matter .
pos imagine this scenario : you and any of your family members are scudding through one of those long  excruciating cross - country car trips  far from the city and into the deserted rural routes . so far  the trip is idyllic when  abruptly  your car malfunctions and you are stranded in the middle of nowhere . it is not an easy situation  but a perfectly plausible one  the panorama in which breakdown musters it ', s throbbing suspense and skillfully executed tautness . it is not easy to cobble a distinct and gripping thriller nowadays  but breakdown doesn ', t bungle into rudimentary plot holes or cliches and it derives a masterful  titillating climax that by it ', s finale  engrosses a viewer with total absorption . the plot is somewhat reminiscent of 1988 ', s the vanishing . kurt russell and kathleen quinlan respectively play jeff and amy taylor  a massachusetts couple en route to california for a brand new job . when they stop for gas somewhere in the arid southwest  jeff is confronted by a pugnacious driver  who later  will be an important player in the plot department . minutes later after that  their brand new  strikingly red  jeep grand cherokee unexpectedly stops . jeff cannot detect the car ', s problem  so he allows amy to take a ride with red ( j . t walsh )  a heedful truck driver who will convey her to the nearest town  where jeff will meet her at a local diner . it is facile for the film to turn into a pseudo - suspenser  but instead it opts for maximum fervor . jeff manages to re - start the car himself  but when he arrives at the diner  she is nowhere in sight . disconcerted  the coffee shop ', s bartender informs jeff where to search for his wife  a town about twenty miles from here . there  trouble arises . and i shall not reveal anything else  since that would be spoiling the fun of what ', s head . there are many involving  tight scenes in breakdown but the final climactic period which includes a magnificent chase with three cars and a huge truck  will have you feeling as if your legs are made out of pure foam . it is a pleasure to be part of a classic confrontation of good vs evil  and rooting for the good guys  in this case jeff . kurt russell is one of the few top - notch hollywood actors which doesn ', t overblow his acting  and gradually gains reliance on his role as it progresses . so you can assume his alteration in breakdown is letter - perfect . suffice it is to say he undergoes a transformation  from a jolly man  to a guy frantically pursuing a loved one . not many well - paid actors can deliver these type of performances  but russell is one of them . as an everyday man  he pulls it off extremely convincingly  what also surprised me more was his rigorous physicality  which he effectively practices almost all throughout the films 93 minutes . although the film is blotted with a couple of portentous action sequences ( very well done ) yet the tightness is generated by the subtle circumstances this man is presented with . faced with an enigma about his wife ', s whereabouts  the movie succeeds by conveying us in realistic territory with veritable characters  including the cryptic villains  who in essence  make the movie what it is . what ', s most impressive however  is the feature debut by writer / director jonathan mostow . mostow  hitherto directed the showtime thriller flight of a black angle  alleviates the contrivances and generics of the script by gingerly pursuing the trajectory of the plot  efficiently letting the tone and the mood of the story generate that nail - biting suspense sought for in a well - made affair . contrary to most american thrillers  he doesn ', t rely on visual flair  but on aesthetics and substance . after breakdown  he should gain vast notoriety . the villains in the movie aren ', t your routine out - of - this - world idiosyncratic psychos that are harming for no particular objective . the baddies in breakdown  all well acted  are normal  seemingly inoffensive townspeople who beneath their trustworthy layer  conduct an amoral business of corruption and murder . the movie smartly portrays these men as loathsome rednecks  and  of all things in the world  it is becoming rather easy to root for villains ( jon voight in anaconda ) in today ', s movies . worth a special mentioning is j . t walsh ( who previously worked with kurt russell in executive decision ) as the leader of the gang  he renders a deliciously wicked performance  temporarily stepping out of the minor roles he is known for . alfred hitchcock used suspense -- and action -- not only to stimulate  but as a way of aiding his audience ', s fascination in his stories  which were slowly realizing man ', s biggest fears . breakdown yields exactly that . it magnificently taps into the psyche of an ordinary man  acting like an ordinary man  looking like an ordinary and some sort of superhero . despite one or two iffy moments even hitchcock  i think  would approve of breakdown . ( 1 : 33 )
pos steve soderbergh ', s " sex  lies  and videotape  " which won the grand prize at the cannes film festival in 1989  arguably began the resurgence of independent films . made on a shoestring budget of $ 1 . 2 million  with then relatively unknown actors  it is a provocative  thoroughly original drama . the film mostly focuses on the four central characters  all in their late 20 ', s - early 30 ', s . ann ( andie macdowell )  an unfulfilled housewife  is married to john ( peter gallagher )  an insensitive lawyer  who  unbeknownst to her  is having an affair with her younger sister  cynthia ( laura san giacomo ) . complicating matters even worse is graham ( james spader  who won best actor at cannes )  john ', s old college buddy  who comes to stay at their house . ann is absolutely won over by him  even though she clearly has stated that she has very little interest in sex . that is the set - up for the last hour of the picture  and since the film is entitled  " sex  lies  and videotape  " it is best to keep the rest of the story developments at bay so that they will come as a genuine surprise . director steven soderbergh has proven to be a wildly offbeat filmmaker  ranging from the independent  to the mainstream ( 1998 ', s " out of sight " )  to the downright kafkaesque ( 1997 ', s " schizopolis " ) . he is the type of director who obviously takes a lot of chances  and believes in the work that he does  and  " sex  lies  and videotape  " is probably his most confident  and maybe even best  to date . the performances are superb from all four leads  but macdowell stands out in what is probably the main character . she is always a very winning actress  but this is probably her most three - dimensional role that she has had ( with a close second being altman ', s 1993 mosaic  " short cuts " ) . the other parts are perfectly cast as well  from spader ', s ominous graham  to gallagher ', s self - involved john  to giacomo ', s outspoken cynthia . the final act of the film  especially  comes right out of left field  and turns out to be both shocking and oddly touching  and it would be criminal to give away the film ', s secrets . suffice to say that  through one powerful sequence  ann is able to somewhat come out of her shell  and john learns a valuable lesson about honesty  as well as deception . the film has one fault  however . the characters are almost all emotionally cold and isolated from one another  and often unlikable . if there had been a few extra scenes with gallagher  it probably would have helped  since his relationship with macdowell isn ', t quite as explored as i would have liked . " sex  lies  and videotape  " although minorly flawed  is still easily a brave and adult motion picture that is far more mature and honest about its subject matter than the usual film . soderbergh clearly knew what he was doing while he was making it  and the final product certainly proves this .
pos synopsis : private detective tom welles is hired by a wealthy widow to uncover the origins of a snuff film owned by her late husband . after uncovering the authenticity of the film  welles descends into an underground world of perverse pornographers seeking vigilante revenge on the filmmakers . comments : 8 mm is one of the more disturbing mainstream movies i have seen in a long time . though it doesn ', t present a snuff film ( a movie which documents a person ', s murder for real  usually during or after some form of sexual act ) as explicitly as the cult classic mute witness and violence as shockingly as  say  natural born killers  8 mm stays in your head long after you see it . it is not fun to watch ; see something else if you get upset by realistic  sadistic violence . this film ', s violence and perverse sexuality skirts closely into nc - 17 territory . for those with strong stomachs  however  8 mm is an intelligent  worthwhile thriller  especially during its second hour . nicolas cage  after a couple ho - hum movies  returns to material which allows him to utilize his strong acting abilities . as tom welles  a private detective and caring family man to a wife and newly - born daughter  cage skillfully and convincingly portrays a decent man whose unwavering energy slowly transforms into obssession and violence as he is pulled into a nightmarish world of underground pornographers and brutal sexual deviants . serving as a guide to this world is joaquin phoenix  who plays a struggling songwriter named max california . california  despite his name  is a surprisingly intelligent and complex character  and phoenix does a very good job at slowly pulling the audience to sympathy for the character . the real star of the movie  though  must be peter stormare . stormare played the " really  really evil guy " in fargo  and his character  dino velvet  in this movie seems about ten times more evil and unpredictable . his performance is very chilling . 8 mm ', s success may hardly be surprising . it was directed by joel schumacher  who  hopefully  saw this film as an apology for the absolutely dreadful batman and robin . before directing the last two batman duds  however  schumacher was responsible for several well - made horror flicks : lost boys  flatliners  and falling down . 8 mm certainly joins the rank of these minor classics and is perhaps most reminiscent of falling down in that both films present an average man who self - destructs before the audience ', s eyes . 8 mm was written by andrew kevin walker  who also penned the academy award - winning thriller seven a few years back . like seven  8 mm is full of dialogue which haunts you well after leaving the theater . welles is searching for answers . how could anyone possibly drug and then slowly  methodically  sadistically kill a teenaged girl to make a film ? when confronting one of the perpretrators at the end  the murderer responds that there are no reasons . he just enjoys it . that  walker seems to suggest  is where the real terror lays : not in the crime itself but in the fact that rational motives do not exist . a couple minor faults led me to my four - star rating ( five stars is the highest rating i give ) . one  i found it a little difficult  early on  to accept the fact that a hardened private detective would get physically disgusted when first seeing a snuff film . yes  snuff is a horrible thing  but a detective of welles ', caliber has probably encountered awful things before . second  some of the clues welles gathers are too convenient . he discovers  for example  the victim ', s diary in her private bathroom  despite the fact the the police  the fbi  and her own mother have all investigated the room before . finally  the closing scene seemed trite and improbable considering the rest of the film . despite the above criticisms  8 mm is an engrossing story . one of the best scenes in the film occurs toward the end as a crazed welles  who no longer seems like a hero  brutally beats one of the pornographers responsible for the snuff film . he pulls a gun on the man and  for a relatively long amount of time  struggles to decide whether or not to kill him . he then leaves the building and calls the victim ', s mother  in the middle of the night  to basically see if she would support the action . the entire scene is tense  unpredictable  and emotionally charged . rarely  anymore  do horror films or thrillers provoke suspense in me as 8 mm  with scenes like this  did . 8 mm is most certainly not for the faint of heart . this is a graphic  oftentimes unflinching  look into the darkness which resides in both ordinary and extraordinary people . if you ', re prepared for a film of this nature  i give it an enthusiastic recommendation .
pos to me  nicolas cage sounds like an ideal choice for the lead role in a martin scorsese film . despite the rantings that sean penn so rudely expressed  the actor remains a gifted and versatile screen presence . ever since the big success of the action - thriller ` face / off ', in 1997  the hollywood road has been a rocky one for mr . cage . the perpetually awful assassination thriller ` snake eyes ', was one of 1998 ', s worst films . ` 8mm ', was a disappointing lost cause . but who better than scorsese to match cage ', s wit and intensity  which he does in miraculous fashion with ` bringing out the dead ', . cage delivers one of his finest performances as frank pierce  a new york city emergency paramedic who is running on fumes from day - to - day . after five years of the stress - inducing job  frank basically just staggers onward  relying on heavy doses of caffeine and booze until his shift finally ends . he also begins seeing the ghosts of past patients who died under his care  namely a young girl named rose  who stares back at him with pale features at every street corner in new york . frank desperately wants to be fired  but his boss needs him to scour the city and help those in need ( ` i ', ll fire you tomorrow . . . ', he promises ) . frank is accompanied by a fresh face every night in the ambulance . the first is larry ( john goodman )  who always has food on the brain . the second is marcus ( ving rhames )  a deeply religious black man who incorporates the power of jesus into a regular rescue operation . and finally  tom ( tom sizemore ) is a deranged sociopath hungry for blood . i found it unique how scorsese used each of these characters for a single shift with frank  but they never figured into the actual plot . each is merely a colorful presence to help develop frank ', s character  because ` bringing out the dead ', is predominantly a study of his mind and detailed personality . the one character alongside frank that truly comes into play is mary ( patricia arquette )  the daughter of a newly admitted patient who suffered from a severe heart attack . arquette  who recently received the wounds of christ in ` stigmata ',  performs well around real - life husband cage . it ', s unfortunate that  after such intriguing character trials and tribulations  the relationship between frank and mary slips during a mishandled  ineffective finale . the movie belongs to the one - two punch of cage and scorsese  who were born to collaborate their efforts in an arrangement similar to ` bringing out the dead ', . although it certainly lacks the grit and hard - edge of something like ` goodfellas ',  scorsese manages to hit a nerve with his latest picture . the incredible camera - work and photography represent stunning flashes of brilliance in an otherwise unspectacular conglomeration . fans will be pleased to find the director has returned to his abrasive  darkly humorous roots after somewhat of a departure with 1997 ', s ` kundun ', . does ` bringing out the dead ', rival scorsese ', s finest work ? only occasionally . some of the film feels surprisingly limp  but there is enough energy in it ', s interesting material and breathtaking visual appearance to suffice . those expecting a grisly  risqu ? product may be somewhat disheartened at the fairly straight - arrow approach - but it ', s still a solid  admirable effort . ` bringing out the dead ', was written by the acclaimed paul schrader  who collaborated with scorsese on such classics as ` taxi driver ', and ` raging bull ', . schrader ', s script is full of moments - wonderful  sharply defined moments - that are sorted throughout the remainder of his meandering screenplay . the exceptional aspects of the film are it ', s astounding technical credits and the amazing cast . goodman and sizemore are both electric ( well  mainly sizemore )  but it ', s the phenomenal ving rhames who deserves a second look . watch the actor ', s deeply inspired dedication as he resurrects a gothic band member  and you ', ll understand why he won a golden globe . ` bringing out the dead ', is raw and electrifying often enough to mask it ', s certain flaws . scorsese - and cage  for that matter - have done better  but their intentions are certainly admirable .
pos at first glance  daylight would seem like your typical disaster movie . on second glance it looks that way too . although  as typical disaster movies go  daylight isn ', t that bad . admittedly  it seems to rip off a great deal of its plot devices from disaster flicks of days gone by ( think poseidon adventure ) . but the decent dialogue and surprisingly good acting make up for the " haven ', t i seen this scene somewhere before ? " feeling that creeps up all too often during the film . sylvester stallone stars as the recently fired head of new york ', s emergency response team . by sheer luck  he is in the right place at the right time when disaster strikes the unaware inhabitants of this little film . " what disaster is that ? " you ask  as you inch ever closer to the edge of your seat . glad you asked . through a whole sequence of entirely probable events ( about as probable as hitting the lottery ) a large explosion takes place in the lincoln tunnel running under the hudson river in new york city . the explosion results in the tunnel collapsing at both ends  which causes not only massive loss of life  but traps a dozen people inside the wreckage of the tunnel . good old sly  who is only feet away from entering the tunnel when it collapses  offers his services to the rescuers  who gladly accept it . sly then enters the tunnel through a vent shaft ( think judge dredd ) which he can only go in  and not out off  and proceeds to try to rescue those trapped inside . so begins the fun  but the fun has to be quick  because this tunnel has started to spring a leak . the acting is about what you would expect of a stallone movie . not superb by any means  but far above some of his other films ( think judge dredd again ) . daylight ', s acting is probably average  or a little above  in terms of this sort of genre  starring this particular star . amy brenneman is the only actor of any note  and she does a pretty good job as stallone ', s reluctant helper . oh yeah  stallone ', s real life son  sage  is in this too . sage -- nice name . i guess it could be worse  he could have been named nutmeg or parsley . note to sage -- you are still young . go to school and get a good education -- you don ', t have a future in acting . the plot runs along the same lines as the acting -- interesting  but predictable . mostly due to the fact that it was pretty well recycled from a dozen other action flicks . the biggest problem with a film of this nature is that they try to cram too many things into the movie . as soon as the cast clears one seemingly impossible hurdle  another one seems to pop right up  even worse than the last one . i realize that it wouldn ', t be much of a movie otherwise  but it does make the movie a bit predictable . adding to the predictability is the cast of characters  which of course  has to include at least one or two difficult people who want to do things their own way and think the qualified guy ( in this case stallone ) doesn ', t know what he is doing . why is it in disaster movies we can never have everyone agree with each other and all work together ? would this be too much to ask ? can ', t we all just get along ? special effects weren ', t bad -- but i ', ve certainly seen better . some of the scenes  while fun to watch  were such blatant rip - offs that you had to wonder if scripts from old movies were just copied verbatim . especially all of the scenes that involved anything underwater ( the tunnel  of course  starts to flood ) . i really expected gene hackman  roddy mcdowell and ernest borgnine to appear at any minute -- i wasn ', t sure if i was watching daylight or the poseidon adventure . i suppose if you have to rip off a movie for good ideas  the poseidon adventure is a good one to use . the underwater sequences ( aside from the deja vu ) were very well shot and worked fairly well . they were the best part of the movie by a long shot . better than average stallone flick . i realize that ', s not saying much when the man has judge dredd on his resume . but certainly not up to the standards of cliffhanger . daylight is a fun movie  and as long as you aren ', t expecting a whole lot you might even be pleasantly surprised .
pos after the simple looking little spacecraft lands in a automobile wrecking yard  out steps a steel - gray  human - like creature with aquamarine eyes and clad in a muscular suit . spencer  the boy who observes this  having seen his fill of science fiction flicks  figures this thing must be a robot from outer space . with the exception of disney and a few others  most studios view children ', s films as a way to ship a cheap and unimaginative product and thereby make a quick profit . star kid stands out as that rare kids ', film that is undoubtedly low - budget but is also highly imaginative . remember  the robot ? it wasn ', t one at all but rather a " phase one assault cyborsuit . " the cyborsuit is actually a prototype combat enhancer developed by the trelkins and jettisoned for latter retrieval when they are under attack from the invading broodwarriors . the significant twist in the story is that spencer gets to go inside the cyborsuit  and the cyborsuit  nicknamed cy  has plenty of spunk . cy keeps questioning the kid about everything including words like " cool . " upon hearing that " command  " cy starts rapidly decreasing the temperature in the cyborsuit until spencer screams for him to stop . and when cy speaks  we see spencer ', s view  the backside of cy ', s lips and eyes . as 12 - year - old spencer  joseph mazzello from the jurassic park film series gives a remarkably good performance as a wimpy and initially tongue - tied kid . even when enclosed in his powerful new cyborsuit  he has his fears but he learns to overcome them . " if you run away  things don ', t get better  whether it ', s bullies  spiders  or girls  " his science teacher advises him after he has difficulties dealing with all three . turbo ( joey simmrin )  the school ', s chubby bully  beats up on him  spiders frighten him  and  most embarrassing of all  he can ', t speak when in the presence of his would - be girlfriend . with his cyborsuit on  he learns some bravery that transcends his time inside cy . spencer lives with his dad and his older teenage sister stacey  played by a smart - mouthed ashlee levitch  who looks like a younger sarah jessica parker . stacey derides her brother  whom she barely tolerates  by referring to him only as " the fungus . " this whole setup for spencer ', s downtrodden and delightfully funny life makes his acquisition of some superhuman powers a source of mirth and empowerment . the beauty of mazzello ', s performance is that you can vicariously experience his fear and share in his enjoyment when he goes after the bully to teach him a lesson he ', ll not soon forget . the ensuing mayhem has some of the home alone antics  but the slapstick is kept tightly under control by writer and director manny coto so that one never feels embarrassed to be laughing . the romantic angle is handled ever so delicately . when cy wishes to know if spencer wants to mate with the object of his desire  michelle ( lauren eckstrom )  his eyes open wide in revulsion . " mate with her ! " spencer exclaims . " pllllleeeeease  i just like her that ', s all . " the show has many funny twists . in one  cy sees a man in a barney - like costume and begins firing at him  thinking he is an alien life - form . soon things get way out of hand  and cy and spencer have to beat a hasty retreat . as proof positive of the show ', s class  it actually contains tasteful bathroom humor -- thought that was an oxymoron in a kids ', picture  didn ', t you ? cy cannot allow spencer to leave the cyborsuit  and what happens when he needs to urinate becomes both sweet and hilarious . the director ', s staging of this sequence is one of the film ', s more charming moments . oh  and eating is pretty funny too . spencer  whose idol is the comic book character " midknight warrior  " gets to face the challenge of a lifetime when a broodwarrior comes to capture the cyborsuit . spencer ', s valiant battle gives him a chance to find his mettle . and the action sequences in the battle manage to be quite respectable for a kids ', show full of inventiveness and lacking the usual repetition . for a family movie mixing humor  fantasy  and action  star kid delivers . although it ', s probably not the sort of movie you ', d want to see without kids  with them you ', ll have a magical time with a relatively straightforward but well developed story . you ', ll be rooting for and laughing with spencer and his buddy cy all the way through . star kid runs 1 : 41 . it is rated pg for fantasy combat . although the basically cartoonish broodwarrior might scare the littlest kids  i saw none of this in evidence in our packed screening  so i would say the show is fine for kids five and up  and possibly the younger ones . my son jeffrey  age 8  got really excited about the picture . he called it " an especially good movie " and gave it * * * * . when i asked him to tell me his favorite characters  he mentioned almost everyone in it from the boy to the cyborsuit to the bully .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . like its own opening shot  from out of the darkness boogie nights triumphantly explodes upon the film scene with stunning authority and clarity  persuasively heralding its helmer paul thomas anderson as a bonafide major talent . a sprawling epic set in the heart of the disco era and focused upon the ascension and decline of a troupe in the adult film industry  boogie nights is an astonishingly ambitious feature film which is completely effective both as an utterly entertaining joyride and as a strikingly impressive piece of filmmaking . the film follows a soft - spoken young man  eddie adams ( mark wahlberg ) from torrance  through his induction into the erotic picture business to stardom  and later  to a harrowingly precipitous drop . as boogie nights opens  he ', s toiling as a dishwasher in a trendy san fernando valley nightclub  and living at home under the thumb of a tyrannical mother who denigrates him at every opportunity . recruited by fatherly jack horner ( a rejuvenated burt reynolds )  a successful porn filmmaker  eddie abandons his old life in favour of a new one as dirk diggler  pornstar . wholeheartedly embraced by jack ', s troupe  including the maternal amber waves ( julianne moore )  reed rothchild ( john c . reilly )  buck swope ( don cheadle )  rollergirl ( heather graham )  dirk and his " one special thing " are quickly propelled to the top of his field  fulfilling his mantra of being a " big bright shining star " . his lack of discipline  however  incites a chain of circumstances which sees dirk and his friends unravel as a new decade is ushered in . the element of boogie nights which literally commands attention is the bravura direction by mr . anderson  whose fascination and prowess with the camera is obvious . from the terrific tracking shot throughout a nightclub which opens the film and introduces the players through to the showy sequence in the camera follows a female partygoer diving into a pool  mr . anderson ', s accomplished command of the camera is without question . while novice directors often demonstrate an unfortunate lack of restraint in terms of flamboyant camerawork which ultimately proves to be aggravating  impertinent and self - congratulatory ( case in point : marc rocco ', s unforgettable perpetual - motion helming of murder in the first )  in boogie nights every zoom or pan by mr . anderson  be it slow and deliberate or energetically sharp  is purposeful and potent . it ', s a rarity and a delight to discover such a confidently assured work so early in a filmmaker ', s career -- boogie nights is only his second feature film  following up his debut feature from earlier this year  hard eight -- and although it ', s somewhat derivative ( his storytelling style is reminiscent of robert altman  while in terms of visuals he ', s clearly influenced by martin scorsese )  at least he ', s borrowing from some of the best  and it ', s entirely effective within the context of this film . while boogie nights is astonishingly polished from a technical perspective  in terms of sheer entertainment value it ', s also rollicking good fun  with a wickedly deadpan sense of humour . the film perfectly captures the essence of the disco period in terms of music  clothes  hairstyles  dance  idioms  and culture  aided immeasurably by impeccable production design by bob ziembicki and costume design by mark bridges  and boogie nights convincingly catapults the audience back to this recent  pre - aids - scare period in american history where uninhibited  free - wheeling lifestyles abounded . while much of the film ', s humour pertains to the characters ', obliviousness of now - outdated aspects of their lives then prevalent in society -- a prime example is part - time salesman buck swope ', s demo of a stereo system with an eight - track tape  and inviting a prospective customer to get ', freaky deaky ', with the music -- it ', s elicited with an undercurrent not of ridicule  but of wistful reminiscence  and some the throwback elements in the film are strangely wondrous . a giant ensemble disco dance production number in a nightclub is funny  to be sure  but oddly magical  and the sequence which lovingly explores eddie / dirk ', s bedroom  completely adorned with posters and elements of iconic 1970s figures ( farrah fawcett  cheryl tiegs  bruce lee ) is breathtaking . ably supported by a well - selected collection of period music ( all of which purportedly came straight from mr . anderson ', s personal collection )  there ', s a clear affection for the era in boogie nights . it ', s the period aspect and the playfully comic nostaligism of boogie nights which has been played up in its marketing campaign in deference of the pornography element of the storyline ; the film ', s promotional trailer markedly avoids any explicit reference to the adult film industry which unites its characters . after the debacle with 1996 ', s milos forman film  the people vs . larry flynt  another finely - crafted work which was knocked off the market prematurely due to controversy regarding its pornography - related storyline  the new line marketing team faced a unique challenge with boogie nights in terms of attempting to deemphasize the relatively risque erotic picture element of the story in order to increase salability to the general public . however  while boogie nights delves into the world of the adult film industry of two decades ago  it ', s hardly a lurid or seamy film -- given the subject matter  there ', s very little nudity  and virtually none of it can be construed as gratuitous -- and boogie nights smartly depicts erotic filmmaking not as a hotbed of carnality  but simply as a business . the glimpses on the sets of jack horner ', s shoots reveal that while the films he makes are intended to titillate  there ', s a candid matter - of - factness in terms of sex ; his cast and crew are professionals who are merely doing a job  and it ', s refreshing that the obvious cliches of depravity and sinful lechery often linked to dismissive portraits of adult filmmaking  such as coercion or debauchery  are avoided . if anything  boogie nights is more interested in the process of adult filmmaking than the adult films themselves . jack horner ', s dream is an honourable one -- he genuinely aspires to make a great film -- and to some degree boogie nights is reminiscent of ed wood ( albeit lacking a certain wistful innocence ) . in both films  the world of quickie low - budget filmmaking is explored  and both jack horner and the version of ed wood by tim burton  scott alexander  and larry karaszewski share similar mindsets -- jack ', s retort of " there are shadows in light  baby " to his cinematographer ', s complaint about poor set lighting echoes back to ed wood ', s " it ', s not about the little details  it ', s about the big picture ! " rant when it is pointed out that his graveyard set for plan 9 from outer space appears patently false . in boogie nights and ed wood  the aspirations of the respective filmmakers ', prove to be bemusing  not in their intentions -- there ', s nothing inherently silly in the goal of making an ', artistic ', erotic picture -- but in the degree that they miss the mark . much like the humour lacing ed wood  the laughs involving jack horner are double - edged ; after viewing a hilarious excerpt from one of his latest films which hybridizes the james bond and porn genres  when jack breathes " this is the best work i ', ve ever done "  it ', s genuinely funny  but given his utter sincerity  also possesses a tinge of sadness . mr . anderson is at this point clearly a greater talent as a director than a screenwriter . while boogie nights shows great inventiveness in staging  there really isn ', t any clever dialogue in the film  though a valid point certainly can be made that none of the film ', s characters particularly lend themselves to thoughtful verbal exchanges ; when one considers that the film ', s * protagonist * literally doesn ', t say a single insightful thing throughout the entire 152 minute running time  it ', s no wonder why the playfully inane " how much can you bench ? " banter between dirk and reed constitutes one of the film ', s finest exchanges . and while mr . anderson creates a rich collection of fascinating characters  it ', s problematic that some of the the threads given to the film ', s characters are simply stale material -- julianne moore ', s child custody battle is fairly cliched stuff  better suited for a less risque and uninspired tv - movie version of her character ', s story  and far less interesting than the thread dealing with her woefully hackneyed filmmaking ambitions . still  even if he doesn ', t always know what to do with his characters  mr . anderson most definitely captures their essences  and his resolutely nonjudgemental affection for them is infectious -- misguided  even aimless  hopelessly naive  self - destructive  insufferable : i loved them just the same . in any case  it ', s hard to pick nits with a screenplay which contains one of the most audacious and inspired ( and ultimately best - executed ) scenes of the year : a scene where dirk diggler and reed rothchild are dragged along by their loose - cannon compadre to the home of drug baron rahad jackson ( a mesmerizing alfred molina in an unforgettable performance  even if it ', s a small one ) in a suicidal drug deal scam  only to find that the millionaire is a crazed eccentric ( the part where he stops the deal to listen to the crescendo of night ranger ', s " sister christian " on his stereo system is sheer brilliance ) flanked by an armed bodyguard . if this scene already wasn ', t tense enough with these elements  mr . anderson introduces a chinese boy that wanders through the scene  who for no discernable reason is tossing firecrackers around the room  pushing the scene to a new  surreal level of delightful giddiness . there are some other interesting touches in boogie nights . mr . anderson recycles the use of long methodical chimes on the soundtrack from hard eight ; here  it accompanies the violent intercut sequences which depict the prostration of various characters to frightening effect . similarly  a painful scene where crew member scotty j ( philip seymour hoffman ) breaks down in tears in the driver ', s seat  sobbing " i ', m so stupid " after being rebuffed by dirk after an awkward but heartfelt advance is strikingly played out exactly as a later scene with dirk in the driver ', s seat after a particularly tumultuous and traumatic evening . boogie nights is exceedingly well cast  and each of the actors rise to the occasion ; the ensemble cast is uniformly good . while most of the acting accolades will no doubt go to mr . wahlberg ( fulfilling upon the sparks of promise he demonstrated in some of his earlier films ) and mr . reynolds ( terrific as the father figure and stable anchor of the film  ringing true in every respect )  a handful of other performances which might otherwise be overlooked deem mention . mr . reilly demonstrates here  as he did for brief glimpses in ulu grosbard ', s georgia  a genuine aptitude for comedy -- many of his scenes in boogie nights are among the very funniest in the film . i ', m not sure how much of his performance as reed was scripted and how much was done on the spot  but he plays the quintessential second banana character to a tee . mr . reilly is the best part of the big disco dance production number  and it ', s wickedly funny to watch his reed join in with dirk after the fact in threatening the new stud on the block during a macho altercation . worth the price of admission alone is the glimpse of him getting down in the recording studio while the dirk character is laying down a numbingly bad ( and dead - on period ; it sure sounds like bad early 1980s to me ) demo track " you got the touch " in a vain attempt at a musical career . mr . reilly plays his vacant character with utter conviction which is convincing and effective . ms . graham  with her long dirty blonde hair  innocent demeanour  and huge hazel eyes  looks like a disney animated heroine come to life -- or in this case  a disney animated heroine who came to life  made a wrong turn  and ended up on the new line lot in a film focused on the late 70s / early 80s adult film industry . consequently  it ', s a bit incongruous to see this cheery sweet - faced starlet whizzing about the set on her roller skates  but in a scene where she ', s lounging in a limousine prowling the streets  garish red lipstick messily smeared on  giving the camera a hilariously pouty come - hither look  all one can do is gulp . her role in the film sadly needs more fleshing out ( err -- in a figurative sense ) -- she ', s essentially a glorified extra -- but she does score impressively in her key scene which is unnerving in its sheer primal ferocity . ( if only mr . anderson had filmed the scene so that we could actually see the expression of rage and anguish on her face  though ! ) and a cautionary tale for the strict and prudish : as a teen  ms . graham ', s parents forbade her to take a part in the twisted cult classic heathers ; since then  her most notable roles have been as a junkie ( gus van sant ', s drugstore cowboy ) and now a porn starlet . draw your own conclusions . perhaps the most quietly touching performance in boogie nights is that of mr . cheadle  who lends dignity to his role as a character in search of his identity  and whose quest is comically manifested by a series of changes in his sense of fashion . his relationship with his cheerfully supportive new wife jessie st . vincent ( an interesting melora walters ) is wholly compelling has genuine sweetness  and although his general longing for acceptance from others is perceptible  it ', s no more so than in the bank scene where his loan application to open a stereo store is rejected due to his background in the porn industry . while the scenario is familiar  the wounded look in cheadle ', s eyes makes the scene unforgettable . luis guzman ', s most famous work is possibly in brian de palma ', s carlito ', s way  and here he plays a variation on the same character : maurice t . rodriguez is a hapless but good - natured nightclub owner who ', s a hanger - on to jack ', s group  ingratiating himself into the clique and constantly hounding jack  with little disguise made of his desperation  for a part in one of his erotic pictures . jack ', s eventual acquiescence to maurice ', s request leads to one of boogie nights ', biggest comic payoffs . boogie nights is a stunning achievement due to the virtuoso direction by mr . anderson  who immediately asserts his presence in the film industry as a presence of note with this work . striking a fine balance between humour and drama  and exceptionally well - crafted  there ', s no doubt that boogie nights is among the very best films of the year .
pos bruce willis and sixth sense director m . night shyamalan re - team to tell the story of david dunne ( willis )  a stadium security guard who has been having some problems at home that are affecting his relationship with his wife and child . on a return trip from new york where he was trying to get a job  dunne is in a horrible train accident that he is the only survivor of . to make things even stranger  dunne has also escaped the accident completely unscathed . a comic book art dealer named elijah price ( samuel l . jackson )  who was born with a degenerative bone disease that causes his bones to be so brittle that they break constantly  has been seeking out someone like dunne his entire life . price felt that there had to be someone exactly the opposite of him . . . someone whose bones would be so strong that they would never break . price contacts dunne and convinces him to come down to his gallery for a talk where he suggests that dunne could quite possibly be something akin to a superhero from the comic books price used to read when he was a child . dunne doesn ', t believe him at first  but price assists him in discovering his " powers " and helps him hone his craft until he discovers what his true calling really is . writer / director m . night shyamalan had a tough act to follow with his sleeper hit the sixth sense . how exactly does one follow up on one of the biggest and most popular thrillers in recent years ? for shyamalan  the answer must have come as easy to him as nuclear physics does to kindergartners . does this new film measure up to his breakthrough box office smash  though ? the answer to that question is not a very easy one  either . as far as pacing goes  the sixth sense seemed almost interminable . it wasn ', t until the surprise ending was revealed that i realized the film was actually intentionally ( and perfectly ) paced in order to give the audience ample time to re - connect all of the information they had seen once the climax had been reached . for unbreakable  shyamalan gave the film a much more satisfying pace which  in many ways  blows away the film that had come before . the story moves along at a steady pace and shyamalan ', s direction is excellent  with the camera almost constantly moving . there are tons of great shots in the film  not least of which is a conversation that opens the film between willis ', character and another train passenger . the shot seems as though it were filmed like we were watching the two talk from between the train seats and the camera steadily glides back and forth between the two actors as they speak . also very impressive is the film ', s score by james newton howard ( who also scored shyamalan ', s sixth sense and the similar film stir of echoes  as well as this year ', s dinosaur ) . several of the scenes are driven by a very catchy beat and help to increase the tempo of the film . one of the best examples of this is a scene in which dunne goes into a train station to " exercise " his powers . the music  in combination with the stellar visuals  really go a long way towards making this an incredible movie . if there was any one soundtrack i would make a must purchase this year  this one would be it . the film also boasts some great performances  including a precocious child actor trying to vie for the oscar throne left vacant by haley joel osment . willis turns in a great performance as the sad sack dunne  who just can ', t seem to figure out why he ', s been depressed for the last few years . his character almost seems pathetic when we first meet him  but he eventually grows into his own under elijah ', s tutelage . jackson is one of the better actors of our time  and here he turns in yet another great performance as the ever injured elijah . though his hairstyle is absurd  jackson seems to infuse such a great deal of pain into his role that the mortar board hairdo can easily be overlooked . robin wright penn ', s role seems slightly underwritten  but she still manages to get across the intense hurt of her character ', s need for love from her husband and her desire to make things work again . spencer treat clark  as the dunne ', s young son jeremy  shows that shyamalan still has a knack for picking young actors  and he turns in one of the most competent performances in the film . out of all the characters  jeremy ', s is perhaps the most emotional  and clark does a great job with the role . where the film does lose points though  is during its " surprise " ending . shyamalan has said in interviews that he was going to do an ending that blew away the one presented by the sixth sense  but i found myself saying " that was it ? ! " when unbreakable revealed its own ending . it ', s not that the ending is bad  it ', s just that the ending doesn ', t quite have the emotional punch that the other film ', s did . plus  it almost seems like it sets itself up for sequels ( and i won ', t reveal the ending here  but you ', ll understand what i mean when you see it ) . essentially  what all of this means is that shyamalan has made another good film with unbreakable . the only real problem is that the ending doesn ', t quite fill the shadow left by its predecessor . as long as it isn ', t held to the standard that sixth sense set ( which it ultimately will be )  it should be a remarkably well liked film . one thing seems clear  though . shyamalan definitely has an affinity for comic books that he would like to share with the world and many comic book fans will also delight the vision he presents in this film .
pos there ', s good news and bad news about mulan . the positive is that disney has found a happy medium between the heavy - handedness of pocahontas and the hunchback of notre dame and the childishness of hercules . on the other hand  the studio is pulling out all the stops on plot cliches and cheap laughs  several steps down from the days of the little mermaid and beauty and the beast . but mulan is a step in the right direction and disney ', s best animated feature since the lion king . after giving native americans a turn in pocahontas  disney has decided to turn a movie over to the asians . mulan is set in feudal china and features the ever - popular heroine who marches to a different drum and wants to do more with her life than get married . that ', s what we find out when young mulan ( voice of ming - na wen ) screws up her appointment with the matchmaker by letting a rogue cricket splash coffee all over her . cartoons . . . meanwhile  word comes from the emporer that one man from every family must join the army and help fight the huns . since mulan ', s a girl  that means her decrepit old father must go . she pleads with the soldiers to have mercy on dear old dad  but that kind of groveling and desperation brings shame on her family . that ', s chinese culture for you . . . so imagine how embarrassed the family is the next day when they find mulan has stolen her father ', s uniform and sword and run off to join the army in his place . the movie in a nutshell is about the stuggles of being a woman in the army . it should have been called g . i . chang . mulan calls on her ancestors for help . they decide to summon the large stone dragon in the backyard to protect her  but a mini dragon named mushu screws it up . voiced by eddie murphy  mushu continues the tradition of cute talking animal sidekicks who do more slapstick harm than good for their human charges . murphy ', s performance is a direct descendent of robin williams in aladdin -- lots of wisecracks and ad - libs and even an introductory song about how much fun they ', re going to have . you ain ', t never had a friend like mushu . speaking of songs  mulan doesn ', t have too many of them  which is a plus with a story like this . disney songs about war probably wouldn ', t go over too well ( " heigh ho  heigh ho  it ', s off to war i go . . . " )  and the ones they do have aren ', t memorable . the best of the bunch  sad to say  is " be a man  " the requisite basic training montage song . yes  even in medieval china  they had to run through that web of car tires before they were ready for battle . sung by donnie osmond ( a bad sign if ever there was one )  " be a man " accompanies footage of mulan ', s platoon going from screw - ups to heroes . it makes me wonder  has there ever been a musical montage in a movie that ', s ended badly ? i only wish real - life problems could be solved in two minutes with a peppy montage . for the curious  mulan does pass for a man in the army despite looking like a girl . all she does to transform herself is cut her hair to a sexy shoulder - length  talk macho and slap guys on the butt  as was male custom a thousand years ago in china . the deception fools everyone but the audience  who thinks she might be able to pass for a 12 - year - old boy  at best . but she does manage to strike the biggest blows to the hun army  led by a big  evil - eyed attilla - looking monster . as a villain  the head of the huns is menacing  evil and entirely forgettable . i saw the movie yesterday and i don ', t remember the man ', s name . otherwise  mulan is a good movie . the animation of the characters themselves isn ', t as rich as it could and should be  but there are some amazing battlefield shots . eddie murphy pulls off some good one - liners  as do other star voices like harvey fierstein and pat morita  the quintessential asian movie star . hell  george " mr . sulu " takei does a voice in mulan . you get the sense disney said to themselves  " alright  let ', s get out there and find us some chinese americans in hollywood . who can you think of ? " " well  there ', s mr . myagi . . . " " good . " " and mr . sulu . " " perfect . we ', ve got ourselves a movie now . " soon disney really _will_ be able to paint with all the colors of the wind .
pos harmless  silly and fun comedy about dim - witted wrestling fans gordie and sean ( david arquette and scott caan ) who idolize current world championship wrestling heavyweight champion jimmy king ( oliver platt ) . when king is screwed out of his title by a corrupt promoter ( joe pantoliano )  gordie and sean take it upon themselves to find their fallen hero and restore his glory . my biggest fear about ready to rumble was dispatched early on  as the filmmakers are quick to show that wresting is indeed choreographed ( but not fake  mind you ) . the hook of the movie is that gordie and sean are just too stupid to realize that . arquette and caan are suitably over the top with their performances  which is exactly what a movie like this requires  and oliver platt ( one of my favorite actors ) is a riot as the drunken washed - up ex - champion . many have scoffed at the idea that platt should be playing a heavyweight champion wrestler with an unbeaten record  but for me it just added to the " silly factor " of the film  thereby increasing my enjoyment of it . one casting complaint however : rose mcgowan as a sexy dancer ? please . . . if rose mcgowan is sexy then i ', m marilyn manson . given the current state of the actual wcw  if oliver platt were appearing as jimmy king right now on wcw programming  he ', d be the most popular guy they have . on a similar note  the " plot line " of the wresting portions of the film are more entertaining than anything the wcw writers have been able to come up with in the last two years . although one does have to ask . . . why would any wrestling promoter fire the head wrestler of a company who is both unbeaten and extremely popular with the fans ? director brian robbins ( you ', ll remember him as eric from tv ', s " head of the class " ) just knows how to make good dumb movies . this movie fits in nicely with his previous efforts good burger and varsity blues . and screenwriter steven brill ( the epic mighty ducks trilogy  late last night ) manages to keep things both sophomoric and clever at the same time  with almost all the jokes of the film getting a laugh out of me . the only exceptions to that were : 1 ) a scene involving a van full of singing nuns and 2 ) any scene involving the old woman wrestling fan . those moments made me cringe and / or groan . as an added bonus though  the audience is treated to outtakes from the film as the final credits roll . [ pg - 13 ]
pos steven spielberg is now considered as one of the hollywood deities  because of the rare capability to deliver both huge commercial hits  like jurassic park  and " oscar " - awarded critical triumphs like schindler ', s list . however  in the 1970s spielberg built his reputation by creating works of art that could slip in both categories . one of them is close encounters of the third kind  extremely popular and influential science - fiction spectacle . unfortunately  it had a bad luck to be released in the same year as star wars . although both films have a lot in common ( ground - breaking special effects  brilliant score by john williams ) their future was different ; one became an unstoppable cult phenomenon  and another almost forgotten and stuck forever in its shadow . when spielberg began work on that project  he was already established as a bright new hollywood star due to his previous commercial hit  jaws . together with other young directors of his " new hollywood " generation  like kauffman  carpenter  hill and millius  he exploited the great creative freedom of 1970s  when even the mainstream producers dared to experiment . ironically  it was spielberg himself whose later commercial success would established new unwritten rules of " blockubuster " philosophy . but in the mid 1970s  many things were different ; spielberg was young and eager to use hollywood resources for his very personal and artistic movie . although very personal  spielberg ', s screenplay was partly based on the book " ufo experience " by dr . j . allen hynek and in many ways inspired by the popular urban mythology of extraterrestrial visitors to earth that began to grow in the world after ww2 . spielberg was not only inspired by the mythology  but his movie also gave the mythology itself a huge boost  unmatched until the contemporary era of x - files and the roswell anniversary . that was partly because he made the movie very realistic using the authentic ufo - related incidents as the element of the plot . the story begins with one of such incidents - team of international scientists come to the sonorra desert in mexico to find the u . s . navy planes of who went missing decades ago during the famous flight 19 . such events coincide with the ufo incident witnessed by roy neary ( richard dreyfuss )  power company worker from muncie  indiana  who later becomes obsessed with his experience . because of his obsession he loses his job  family and sanity  but his loss is nothing compared to the experience of jillian guiler ( melinda dillon )  single mother whose son becomes the victim of alien abduction . in the meantime  the scientists decipher the strange signals from outer space and u . s . government  in co - operation with the french  led by lacombe ( francois truffaut ) begin with the preparation for ultra - secret project . when the news of the poison gas leak in the middle of wyoming reach neary  he finally sees some sense in all his visions and begins the perilous journey toward the centre of endangered area . there he is joined by jillian who shared the similar visions . two of them must break through military pickets and reach their destination to find whatever is there . spielberg here shows great mastery by using the very same techniques of jaws to make completely different effects . the slow  gradual yet very disciplined series of dramatic incidents - " close encounters " - is set in order to bring the viewer to the great revelation in the finale . but  instead of the fear and horror we had to endure during the jaws  we are now overwhelmed by the sense of boyish wonder . throughout the movie the viewer knows that something big  magnificent and wonderful is about to happen  and great magician spielberg delivers his promise in the end . the last sequence  with its  even in this age  impressive special effects by the great virtuoso douglas trumbull  would leave many mouths open . one of the great virtues of this film is its optimism . aliens  who almost always get portrayed as the monsters in science - fiction cinema  are here benevolent and harmless creatures and the first contact between them and humanity is a beginning of something wonderful . it is very ironic  when we consider that the two classic sf movies that visually inspired spielberg actually told quite different story - howard hawks ', thing and byron haskin ', s war of the worlds presented extraterrestrials as the threat to the mankind . spielberg ', s humane approach and faith in the future also lies in great contrast to the pessimistic mood of its era ; the only hint of the contemporary gloom is post - watergate portrayal of government as conspiratorial towards the public . but  even such government is much more harmless compared to the murderous and chain - smoking men in black that became the stereotype thanks to x - files and its more cynical and disturbing visions . there lies the main  and probably the only flaw of this great picture - lack of conflict  and consequently  lack of drama . the movie has few excitements or even action scenes ( especially the last that may be an interesting homage to hitchcock ', s north by northwest ) but generally  almost everyone - neary  jillian  government  aliens - are the good guys . despite such shortcomings  the actors were good and manage to bring multidimensionality to their simple roles . richard dreyfuss is very convincing as a ordinary  yet nice guy  who sinks into insanity only to rediscover himself in a grand finale . melinda dillon was  on the other hand  nominated for " oscar " as a struggling mother  yet she was overshadowed by teri garr as neary ', s long - suffering wife ronnie . apart from visual wonders of this film  spielberg ', s semi - official composer john williams again excels by his beautiful music  this time using the simple melody both as the element of a plot  and as the basis for his score . the aliens  who are the main subject of this film  were visually very convincing . too convincing  one of my acquaintances in the ufo - researching circles said . according to him  the depiction of extraterrestrials as grey - skinned little people with big eyes was so accurate  that it managed to freak out powerful government figures interested in suppressing the truth about ufos . so  they later approached spielberg and ordered him to make another movie with alien  this time designed to be anything but the real life . the result was e . t .  for many years the biggest commercial hit of all times  yet less inspirational for ufo enthusiasts . anyway  whether the viewer believes in existence of extraterrestrials or ufos  close encounters of the third kind remains the great movie  and one of the rare uplifting experiences in modern cinema .
pos with the exception of their surrealistic satire barton fink  the films of joel and ethan coen fit into two broad categories : quirky and sometimes darkly humorous takes on the " film noir " genre in which crime schemes go wrong and spin increasingly out of control ( fargo  miller ', s crossing  blood simple )  and off - the - wall comedies centered around an eccentric  scatter - brained lead character ( raising arizona  the hudsucker proxy ) . their latest offering  the big lebowski  falls within the latter category  though there are elements of the crime - gone - wrong theme and even a touch of satire to be found in this film . the main difference  however  is that while the protagonists of raising arizona and the hudsucker proxy had lofty aspirations and ideals but didn ', t quite have the brains to get it all together  the main character of the big lebowski seems like a fairly intelligent guy who ', s wise to the world  but he doesn ', t really want to do much of anything besides go bowling  smoke pot  and generally relax . that main character is jeffrey " the dude " lebowski ( jeff bridges )  introduced by the film ', s rambling narrator ( sam elliott ) as " quite possibly the laziest man in los angeles county . " the dude is unemployed  needless to say  and spends most of his time at the bowling alley with his two best friends  walter ( john goodman )  a borderline - psychotic who ', s in the habit of pulling a gun when he thinks somebody ', s cheating in a bowling match ( " has the whole world gone crazy ? ! " he shouts at a suspected cheater )  and donny ( steve buscemi )  who ', s always a few steps behind the conversation and is constantly berated by walter for it ( " donny  you have no frame of reference here ! " ) . these three seem to more or less live for bowling tournaments  and as the film begins they are anticipating an important match with rival bowler jesus quintana ( john turturro )  who  when we first meet him  is doing a dance in the bowling lane to accompany a spanish version of " hotel california " and  if it ', s possible  seems to be even more of a head case than walter . if that doesn ', t give you a good idea of this film ', s absurdist tone  then perhaps this will : the entire scenario which drives the story is set in motion by two thugs mistakenly urinating on the dude ', s rug . they ', ve mistaken him for a millionaire of the same name who is also known as the " big " lebowski ( david huddleston ) and whose nymphomaniac wife bunny ( tara reid ) owes money to porn producer jackie treehorn ( ben gazzara ) . the dude goes to the big lebowski seeking compensation for his ruined rug ; he doesn ', t have any luck  but when bunny is apparently kidnapped  the elder lebowski asks him to deliver the $ 1 million ransom . unfortunately  walter gets involved and fouls up the drop - off  and before they can try again to get the money to the supposed kidnappers  the dude ', s car gets stolen  along with the briefcase containing the money . soon  the dude is being harassed not only by the big lebowski himself but also by treehorn and by a group of german " nihilists " who demand the ransom money even though they may not have been involved in the kidnapping in the first place ; the dude and walter suspect that bunny may well have kidnapped herself in order to extort money from her husband to repay her debts to treehorn . meanwhile  the big lebowski ', s daughter maude ( julianne moore )  a feminist avant - garde artist who likes to make grand entrances swinging through the air naked  wants to recover the money for her family . the plot  however  is really just a vehicle for all these bizarre characters to run wild and wreak their own unique forms of havoc . the previews for the big lebowski feature creedence clearwater revival ', s " run through the jungle  " and it fits : the coens see los angeles as a veritable jungle of oddballs and nutcases  with the sometimes bewildered dude left to run through it and try to avoid any more trouble ( usually unsuccessfully ) . the film doesn ', t feature quite as many one - liners and sight gags as the coens ', other comedies ( though there are a few hilarious moments of visual humor  particularly in the dude ', s dream sequences and acid flashbacks )  but it more than makes up for it with the sheer fun of watching these strange characters interact . the film sometimes seems a little disjointed as a result - you get the feeling that the coens have not only set their characters loose in this " jungle " but are also themselves running crazy through the jungle of their own twisted imaginations - but for the most part the characterizations are interesting enough to overcome the shaky plotting and what turns out to be a somewhat anticlimactic resolution . there ', s also a noticeable ( but not too heavy - handed ) thread of social commentary in the big lebowski  which  incidentally  takes place just as the gulf war is about to begin ; at the beginning  we see george bush on television making his " this aggression will not stand " speech . the coens take aim at just about every elite l . a . subculture in the book : the egotistical wealthy businessman ( " the bums will always lose ! " shouts the big lebowski at one point )  the porn industry  the overbearing malibu policeman who berates the dude for disturbing their " peaceful beach community  " and so on . by the end  we really start to admire the dude  who almost certainly harbors the least " aggression " of anyone in this story ; his passive resistance ( emphasis on " passive  " albeit ) to the elite emerges as something more than just another quirky characterization in a film overflowing with quirky characters . he also turns out to have a pretty well - functioning brain in his head  even if he doesn ', t like to use it very much ; his sarcasm towards treehorn and the malibu policeman shows that he knows when he ', s getting a run around  and he does manage to unravel the kidnapping mystery by the end . the coens certainly poke fun at the dude for his laziness  but they don ', t just treat him as fodder for cheap shots either . i think that  more than anything  is what makes the big lebowski a standout comedy : it manages to approach characters like the dude and  to some extent  walter  with genuine affection while still acknowledging that they are pretty scatter - brained . audience members may find themselves surprised at how much they like the un - dynamic duo by the end of the movie  given that they seemed like nothing more than the butts of an extended joke at first . " it ', s good knowin ', he ', s out there  the dude  takin ', it easy  " posits the narrator towards the end . i dare say that truer words have seldom been spoken .
pos " the endurance : shackleton ', s legendary antarctic expedition " in 1914  as the great war descended upon europe  sir ernest shackleton began his third expedition to antarctica  this time to be the first to cross the ice - bound continent on foot . 28 men set sail on the brigantine endurance and they would not be heard from again for nearly two years . director george butler  using film footage and photographs from the historic journey  tells their remarkable story in " the endurance : shackleton ', s legendary antarctic expedition . " the expedition started out as a merely incredibly difficult quest to traverse  on foot  the vast wasteland of antarctica . as the intrepid ship and crew entered the weddell sea  the entry to the cold  cruel continent  they did not plan on the dense pack ice bringing the voyage to an abrupt halt as the endurance became trapped within sight of land . for months the ice thickened and compressed until the ship was crushed  stranding the men on the flow  propelling them away from their goal and  eventually  into their lifeboats for safety . shackleton  faced with a desolate situation  made the decision to lead the three tiny boats to the relative safety of uninhabited elephant island . once on this " safe " haven  shackleton next turned his sights to saving his crew and returning them to civilization . he and five of his men leave the island in an open boat to make the 800 mile journey on the world ', s roughest sea to get help from the nearest inhabited island of south georgia . miraculously  the six land  after 17 days at sea  on the uninhabited side of the target island and are forced to trek across treacherous  snow covered mountains  covering 22 miles in just 36 hours . this ordeal is followed by several attempts by shackleton to get back to elephant island to rescue the remaining crewmen . in the end  he is successful and everyone made it back home alive  only to be swallowed up by the ravages of the war . the title of this fascinating documentary  " the endurance  " is more than just the name of ship that carried the crew of brave men to the edge of the world . it is also the description of the stamina and ability of every one of the men who survived 19 - months of the toughest  most grueling conditions on the face of the earth . the name of the film is a tribute to every member of the crew and to the ship that sheltered them for many month of frigid antarctic weather . it also describes the focused mental state of shackleton who never gave up on himself or his men . with astonishing foresight  shackleton brought australian cinematographer and photographer frank hurley along on the journey . the filmed footage and photos are remarkable as they capture the ordeal of the men  day to day life  the affection all felt for their loyal sled dogs  the slow destruction of the endurance and the preparations to get off of the pack ice flow . after the sinking of the ship  the remaining film stock  with the exception of a still camera and three rolls of film  had to be discarded so the continuing chronicle of the incredible journey gets less photo documentation as the ordeal plods on . considering hurley was using relatively primitive photo technology in one of the world ', s harshest environments and captured so much on film is a feat unto itself . ( hurley created his own account of the shackleton expedition in his 1919 documentary  " south  " an interesting companion piece for " the endurance . " if shackleton ', s original idea  document his trek across the frigid southern continent  had been successful  it would have been considered a super human feat . as you watch the story of " the endurance " unfold  you realize that the disastrous obstacles the sir ernest and his men faced and overcame were even greater accomplishments than the first intent . ( shackleton ', s amazing 800 - mile journey in an open boat is fodder for a rousing adventure story all by itself . ) there are a couple of minor nitpicks with this fine work  though . actor liam neeson narrates the story  but his voice is too soft spoken and lilting for the dramatic tale . the nature of the ordeal also concentrates most of the visual material  both film and photo  in the documentary ', s first half . as the crew ', s adventure takes more drastic paths  hurley had less and less film stock available to chronicle the awesome events . helmer butler and his team fill in the blanks  but the treasure of " the endurance  " its film footage  is mostly relegated to the early months of the expedition . i can ', t think of a true - life adventure that shows  better  the triumph of man over seemingly insurmountable odds . " the endurance  " based on caroline alexander ', s book  is an eye - opening documentary that goes where few men have gone before and  even more remarkably  all 28 survivors lived to tell about it . i give it a b + .
pos every year -- every year at the festival  i wait for that film to come along  that one that just pulls me out of my seat  sticks its face up next to my nose  and roars " sur - prise ! " into my bewildered visage . it ', s almost always a surprise . it sure as niflheim was this time . amazing grace and chuck is being advertised as a modern fairy tale  of a boy in montana who quits his little league team for a very unusual reason . and  in the hands of anyone less careful than the creative staff of this film  it might very well be nothing more than a fairy tale  where we roll our eyes occasionally  smirk to ourselves  and maybe get a forced tear out of the eyes and a " boy  i wish that could happen " sigh out of the lips upon exiting the theater and tossing the empty pepsi cup into the trash . another e . t . another short circuit . this film floored me  for the simple reason that while it has a fairy tale concept  the rest of the film takes itself seriously enough  and presents itself well enough  to make it more of an american folk tale  with characters who are both icons and real people at the same time . america has always had its mythical heros  its paul bunyans and john waynes ; this film presents us with more general  but still universal  ideals : the honest  innocent children who have their own inner wisdom ; the athletes who seem to be amalgamations of courage  honor  and love for their respective sport ; the venerable elected official who leads with kindness and understanding  but has the grit to get things done when they need doin ', ( does the latter sound familiar ? ) . amazing grace and chuck is a showcase for these characters  but it never leaves you with the feeling that it ', s artificial  that it stands behind glass  or that any sharp breeze -- or  more importantly  sharp thought -- will shatter the wax facade of the panorama . this is a very sturdy scenario . the principals are always given dialogue  and always give performances -- always ( it just blows me away ) -- which made them seem real  yet enforces their particular mythic role . the writer / producer  david field  seems to literally take all the " yeah  but in real life  this would have happen " thoughts you get in your head  sticks them in the movie and uses them to bend the plot around to his original heading  in a stronger way then before ! astounding ! he uses obstacles to the plot to * enforce * it ! i am truly impressed ( indeed  envious ) with the skill in which he wrote the story and screenplay ; it ', s so very unusual  especially in a hollywood film . i don ', t want to give too much away  but the basic premise is that chuck ( joshua zuehlke )  the little league pitcher  decides to give up baseball because of nuclear weapons . his decision begins an unlikely series of events that involve another athlete  a boston basketball player ( alex english )  " amazing " grace smith  and  well  i ', m leaving it at that because i wouldn ', t spoil this film for you for the world . let me just say this  though : i am not recommending this film because i think it has a great message or because of any political positions it might imply . i don ', t give a rat ', s ass for the political point - of - view this film expresses  one way or another ; i ', m recommending you go see this film because  and only because  it ', s an excellent story  told with excellence . no  i don ', t believe what happens in this film could happen in real life ; while i tend to believe the arms control policy of this country is stilted  i believe in careful negotiations  mutual verification  etc . screw what i think . the point is  this film is able to suspend my disbelief and tell a story that is one of the most finely crafted pieces of american dream i have ever seen on the movie screen . this is the natural and more -- all the mythic qualities without the pretentiousness or the forced feeling of the conclusion  and a much better script to boot . it carried me into the beliefs and ideals of my boyhood -- and  more importantly  without any bumps or jolts that would snap me out of the trance with some hint of self - consciousness . special kudos to : both zuehlke ( a real - life little league pitcher who was picked for the part ) and english ( a forward for the denver nuggets ) for their seamless personification of their characters ; jamie lee curtis  who takes a surprisingly small role and makes it exceedingly memorable as amazing ', s manager and friend ; william l . peterson ( in a * big * change from his role in to live and die in l . a . ) as a father who shows principles without having to stand up and wave a flag doing it ; and gregory peck  as the guy we wish ronald reagan really was ( and who some numbskulls still probably think he is
pos oh god how many john grisham lawyer films we have been munundated with ! in a perfect world  " a civil action " would be a breath of fresh air . it ', s cynical about lawyers in a way that grisham isn ', t . it ', s romantic in the exact opposite way a grisham book / film isn ', t . and  the capper  it has no distinct ending  and the law in hollywood films is that above all else  you must have an ending . even if it ', s based on a true story  a true story which hasn ', t yet ended  you must supply an ending  a false one  but an ending nevertheless . hell  " a civil action " is even more sly and more witty than any of the grisham works put together ( and that includes " the firm  " the only novel of his that will ever be regarded as a classic ) . yet it ', s also oddly and slightly unsatisfying . weird . this is  in fact  a steve zallian film  not just the work of a hack  and zallian is the director of the much - admired " search for bobby fischer " ( didn ', t see it ) and writer of none other than " schindler ', s list . " in short  i like this guy  and am a sucker for the way he tells his stories . after all  apart from the obvious it ', s - a - holocaust - film and it ', s - a - spielberg - film  isn ', t " schindler ', s list " just a damn brilliant film  not so much a holocaust film as it is a wonderful character study . " a civil action " is the same way : it ', s narrative is split between being a lawyer film and being a character study . and it ', s here that the film seems to go a bit wrong . the main complaint of this film is that while  yes  it ', s an engrossing lawyerly tale  it has no real ending  and that ', s not necessarily the problem with the film . it ', s that it ', s just kind of unsatisfying . if this were a great film  it would feel complete  and still end basically the same way . but this film just seems to end  and i don ', t want to be stupid and suggest an alternate ending should be tacked on : imagine  if you will  being one of those the film is about  looking forward to this film  and then discovered the truth has been through a surrealistic and unpleasant hollywood filter  just so the many won ', t bitch about what is  essentially  genuine . but the fact that it just ends is not  in all actuality  what is wrong with it . it ', s rather that zallian has chosen  in the last half hour  to adandon the traditional lawyer story  and chose the other part of his story  the one about the lawyer  one jan schlictman ( john travolta )  who ', s shown in the opening and throughout most of the movie as a heartless but brilliant lawyer  brilliant because he ', s manipulative and he always wins . it wishes to make it all about jan in the end  but the truth is  his change  although nicely done  is not full . we see him suffering from a personal crisis  and travolta does do a pretty good job in depicting his change of heart  but in the end  we don ', t fully believe it . and i think that the problem is when he has made his decision  the film choses an odd angle to go at  a noble one  but one that gives the film ', s conclusion that of incompleteness . in the opening of the film  we see him doing his old schtick  manipulating courts  winning cases effortlessly  and then discussing on a heard radio interview how great he is at his job and how much he cares for his cases . in short  he ', s full of bullshit and we know it . in the film  he takes a case that is hardly desired : a town where several of the children have died mysteriously of lukemia and the source of the illness seems to be from a local factory that may or may not have been dumping waste into the river . point one  it ', s not of the usual criteria ( jan points out  wickedly  that dead or wounded children aren ', t nearly as sympathetic as those struck down in the midst of their success ) . point two  it has been through several lawyers . after turning them down  jan changes his mind ( a muddled scene - he stops his car on a bridge  looks out . . . is he feeling a sense of overachievement ? )  and he and his team of lawyers ( tony shalhoub  zeljko ivanek  and accountant william h . macy ) head out to the town to do battle with the town ', s company . they spend millions of dollars examining the land  test the water  what have you ( this is where stephen fry  a possible oscar nominee for his brilliant performance in " wilde  " pops up thanklessly )  and in the meantime question the parents of the dead children  and then  unsuccessfully  the workers at the plant . they also find themselves clashing with a brilliant lawyer for the company  the eccentric jerome facher  played by robert duvall ( more on him later on ) . as we progress  we get so involved in the way the story is being told  which is engulfing everything around it  including the individual and brief stories of some of the townspeople ( one of the best is a bit with james gandolfini as an employee of the plant living across the street from kathleen quinland  who lost her child  who begins to have a personal crisis ) . things begin to go downhill for the lawyers in the second half  as they are up against impossible odds : the judge ( john lithgow ) is not only a strickler  but a pal of facher ; the employees of the plant are either afraid or to loyal to testify ; no concrete evidence is being found  depsite the money spent to find it ; and they are quickly running out of money . as macy mortgages everything he can  including their homes and their office  he slowly loses his sanity ( his meatiest role since  oh  " fargo " )  and we the audience begin to feel a real loss of hope for our protagonist . in fact  the last half hour is such a change from the rest of the film and so unresolved that it has been widely panned as not being up to par ( owen gleiberman  especially  criticized the film for not being overly - dramatic . . . i suppose like a grisham novel ) . this wouldn ', t be so if the change in jan had not been handled the way it is : instead of having a change of heart and automatically being perceived as good  he ', s seen as being still full of bullshit . because he doesn ', t take stock in the cares of his partners  and causes them all to lose their money and noteriaty in the lawyer field because he wants to help the people of the town  he is instead seen as being of good nature but not sure how to bring that out . the final half tries to redeem this  as must have been the point of making this in zallian ', s mind  but what follows is a series of scenes where we merely see him making personal stands for his beliefs  and though he has changed considerably from the opening moments when he ', s seen speeding back and forth from the town that wishes to employ him ( and thusly receiving two speeding tickets )  we still feel that the big change in his life is that he ', s not rich and esteemed anymore ( the film ', s final title card is witty but in all actuality shallow ) . the fault is not that there is no closure to the court case ( it ', s still going on  you know )  but that its personal story feels like it needs either another chapter or another angle in the final one it has . we need to feel like the character has really made a big change in his life  and that the story is how a story of strife like the one of the town could inspire such a whopping change in his personal life . it only feels like half of that . maybe even less . and it ', s not travolta  who does a great job here ( though never to be a truly memorable performance of his )  but rather zallian  whose final chapter needs a rewrite . up to then  though  it ', s an engrossing drama  one of the best of the year in fact  and one of the best lawyer films  period . the reason is because it recognizes that a court trial is not about those being defended or prosecuted  but rather it ', s about the lawyers  the knights who battle eachother . we learn that the company is almost positively to blame for the deaths in the town  but the reason it can ', t be blamed is because it has the best prosecution you can find . and duvall ', s facher is such a brilliant character and he does such a magnificent job at portraying that man that it ', s almost easy to overlook how subtley great he is . facher is seen as an elderly man  a goofy eccentric  carrying a broken brown bag with stickers on it  eating lunches out of paper bags  and making a point to take time out of his day to listen to the radio  and scold anyone who interupts him . but look deeper and you see a master at work : his evil and manipulative nature are hidden under the eccentricities that others don upon him  and it ', s difficult as hell to clearly generalize him in any way . that ', s why i liked this film : it ', s hard to put a pointer on . you can never see exactly where this film will land  and even when the credits roll  you still aren ', t sure what to make of it . call it the zallian effect . same thing happened with " schindler ', s list " ( not that i ', m comparing oskar schindler to jan schlictman ) . each film is so greatly crafted that you can ', t help but get involved in its broad storytelling  interesting characters  and  most peculiarly  the wit that comes along with it . if only it felt totally complete ( like  say  " schindler ', s list  " though at this point it may be unfair to make comparisons between the two )  it might have been one of the best films of the year  and along with that  a full breath of fresh air .
pos the seasoned capt . dudley smith ( james cromwell ) questions his new protege  ed exley ( guy pearce ) about his political views when it comes to police work . " would you plant evidence to get a conviction if you knew the person to be guilty ? would you shoot a man in the back if you knew that it was the only way to make sure he got what he deserved ? " exley  squeaky clean  innocent  and pent with the desire to perform his new duties with integrity and honesty quickly answers with a pointed ', no . ', stunned  smith pleads  " then  for the love of god  don ', t be a detective . " la confidential is a dandy piece of filmmaking that brings us back to the classic times of hollywood in the 50s . organized crime was the biggest concern  corruption existed everywhere  and every cop had his own way of getting the job done . there was " hollywood " jack vincennes ( kevin spacey ) who gets most of his information from the editor of a sleazy tell - all / show - all tabloid  sid hudgeons ( danny devito ) . sporting dark sunglasses and a white sports coat  he isn ', t afraid to flash his tinseltown style . detective bud white ( russell crowe ) has only a narrow - minded view of the law  and he uses excessive force to exact his unique kind of interrogation and brutal justice . and then there is golden boy exley  wide - eyed and ambitious but extremely naive . a horrible multiple murder begins to draw these three men together  each of whom become inexorably connected in their search for truth  action  and personal vindication . almost immediately  an arrest is made . but something doesn ', t seem quite right . new developments become sinuous as the story begins to draw us deeper into the labyrinth of corruption and crime within the department . suspicion and questions begin to mount . odd alliances are created . and as layers of the truth become revealed  the story grows more complex and intriguing by the moment . when the mystery expands  we see other seemingly guilty characters enter the lives of these three cops  including a high - priced hooker ( kim basinger ) and a shady millionaire ( david strathairn ) . all of the characters ', levels of involvement are not immediately clear . we watch with riveted fascination to learn more about why they are there and their stake in the case . we sense a cross - pollination of clues that brings us  the audience  closer to the truth . we hope that the three detectives can throw away their spite for one another and can pull their resources together in order to untangle the intricately created web of mystery . absorbing and affecting  this movie has all the necessary ingredients to create a terrific gourmet serving of film noir . it boasts mysterious figures in control  double - crosses  hard information from sleazy sources  dirty politicians  corrupt cops  haunting women  and hard - nosed cops experiencing moral ambiguity . the underlying mystery is compelling . the look and feel of the movie is gorgeous . the entire cast is crisp and wonderful to watch ( i wouldn ', t be surprised if cromwell received an oscar nomination for his performance ) . and  the dialogue is rich and memorable . the best line of the movie is spoken when a key player dispenses advice to one of the detectives unsure of what to do . " don ', t start trying to do the right thing  boy - o  " says he . " you haven ', t had the practice . " " l . a . confidential "''", triumphantly achieves the rare gift of complexity and coherence while satisfying our desire for a good old - fashioned movie .
pos aliens ! ! well  that is what this movie is about . computer generated aliens . ok  the movie is not just about computer generated aliens . it ', s about computer generated aliens and a secret organization known as mib . if one wasn ', t green and running around the other would not exist as it ', s known . the computer graphics in this movie are spectacular  they make you want to believe that aliens like the ones depicted exits . since seeing this movie i have to agree concede that denis rodman is an alien  he simply has to be . well  in all seriousness the aliens created here are not only of the monster variety but are also of the soft  squishy and cuddly kind . just adds something of a lighter note to the movie where it could have become very dark . along with aliens comes the humor and in a pretty decent way . j  well soon to be j  a smart ass cop ( played by will smith ) runs down what he thinks is a would - be villain and gets some attention from the mib and k in particular . k aims to recruit our poor j  but that is not the whole point of this movie . the main duty of the mib is to police the extra terrestrials on earth who have chosen it as a home or a refuge . that ', s also the main point of this movie : protect the earth from the scum of the galaxy . some of the scum from space is awfully bad and just down right nasty . color commentary abounds when forced to deal with alien scum and none other than will smith and tommy lee jones are there to deliver the punch . the dialogue is witty to say the least . this wittiness lets the movie flow well from scene to scene developing the characters to the extent needed for this movie . tommy lee jones ( as k ) and will smith ( as j ) provide both the action and the comedy beautifully . the characters they play don ', t seem to be wrong in any way nor does their performance as them . i would have to say that k is more amusing than j  but what ', s one without the other . both roles complemented each other very well and the script seemed to be written for these two actors . the story also goes deep enough to provide a proper background so the audience is not totally clueless . altogether good performances were put in by all the cast and the director blended everything marvelously with the necessary special effects to create a good movie . a movie well worth seeing if you are up for some lighthearted and witty humor . as most movies have their good things they also have their bad things . the character development in this movie was not all that grand because it didn ', t need to be . but if there was more character development and if there was some development of the alien characters that might have added quite considerable to the movie . especially the evil alien  he did need some work . though this could have been worked on  the movie was what it proposed to be a rather shallow and witty comedy . that was achieved rather well  with some interesting commentary and observations . a movie worth a view  but keep in mind what the movie is and if you are not fond of will smith ', s form of humor then i wouldn ', t go . originally written after original release . totally rewritten december 26  1997
pos in the opening shot of midnight cowboy  we see a close - up of a blank movie screen at a drive - in . we hear in the soundtrack human cries and the stomping of horses ', hooves . without an image projected onto the screen  the audience unerringly identifies the familiar sound of cowboys chasing indians and can spontaneously fill in the blank screen with images of old westerns in our mind ', s eye . even without having seen a cowboys and indians movie  somehow the cliched images of them seem to have found their way into our mental schema . but do cowboys really exist  or are they merely hollywood images personified by john wayne and gary cooper ? exploring this theme  director john schlesinger uses the idea of the cowboy as a metaphor for the american dream  an equally cliched yet ambiguous concept . is the ease at which salvation and success can be attained in america a hallmark of its experience or an urban legend ? midnight cowboy suggests that the american dream  like image of the cowboy  is merely a myth . as joe buck migrates from place to place  he finds neither redemption nor reward in his attempt to create a life for himself  only further degeneration . during the opening credits  joe walks past an abandoned theater whose decrepit marquee reads ` john wayne : the alamo . ', as joe is on the bus listening to a radio talk show  a lady on the air describes her ideal man as ` gary cooper ? but he ', s dead . ', a troubled expression comes across joe ', s face  as he wonders where have all the cowboys gone . having adopted the image of a cowboy since youth  joe now finds himself deserted by the persona he tried to embody . joe ', s persistence in playing the act of the cowboy serves as an analogue to his american dream . he romanticizes about making it in the big city  but his dreams will desert him as he is forced to compromise his ideals for sustenance . by the end of midnight cowboy  joe buck loses everything and gains nothing . just as the audience can picture cowboys chasing indians on a blank screen  we can also conjure up scenes from pretty woman as paradigms of american redemption and success . but how realistic are these ideals ? joe had raped and been raped in texas . the scars of his troubled past prompt him to migrate to new york  but he does not know that his aspirations to be a cowboy hero will fail him there just as they had in texas . alongside the dream of success is the dream of salvation . the ability to pack up one ', s belongings and start anew seems to be an exclusive american convention . schlesinger provides us with strong hints as to joe ', s abusive and abused past with flashbacks of improper relationships with crazy anne and granny . we understand that joe adopts the fa ? ade of a cowboy  a symbol of virility and gallantry  as an attempt to neutralize his shame . he runs from his past only to be sexually defiled this time by his homosexual experiences in new york . in the scene at the diner which foreshadows joe ', s encounter with the gay student  joe buck spills ketchup on himself . standing up  we see the ketchup has made a red stain running from the crotch of his pants down his thigh . schlesinger visually depicts the degeneration of joe ', s virility by eliciting an image of bleeding genitals  signifying emasculation . beyond the symbol of castration  the scene may also connote the bleeding of a virgin ', s first sexual encounter  a reference to joe ', s first homosexual liaison . the fact that the idea of a bleeding virgin is relegated only to females furthers the imagery of joe ', s emasculation . it is ironic that joe has trouble prospecting for female clients  but effortlessly attracts men . joe believes his broncobuster getup is emblematic of his masculinity ; new yorkers see his ensemble as camp and ` faggot stuff . ', there are two predominant images of new york . the first is that new york is the rich  cosmopolitan city where hope and opportunity are symbolized by the tall skyscrapers and the statue of liberty . the other new york is travis bickle ', s new york  a seedy  corruptive hell on earth . joe envisions new york as the former  but is presented with the latter . mirroring the irony in which joe envisions his cowboy attire as masculine  he mistakenly buys into the fable that new york is filled with lonely women neglected by gay men . joe thinks he is performing a great service for new york  but the city rapes him of his pride and possessions . the people steal joe ', s money  the landlord confiscates his luggage  and the homosexuals rob him of his dignity . what has become of joe ', s american dream ? schlesinger responds to this question with the scene at the party . joe gets invited to a shindig of sorts and at the gathering is exposed to a dizzying array of food  drugs  and sex . at the party  all of joe and ratzo ', s desires are made flesh ; joe flirts successfully with women and ratzo loads up on free salami . contrasting joe ', s daily struggles  shots of warhol ', s crew display wanton indulgence . there is an irreverence in the partygoers ', attitude ; we see a shot of a woman kowtowing to nothing in particular  orgies breaking out in the periphery  and drugs passed around like party favors . the party makes a mockery of joe ', s ideals . joe believed that hard work and persistence were the elements for success in america ; scenes of the party and his rendezvous with shirley suggest that it is the idle who profit from joe ', s toils . the american dream  schlesinger suggests  is merely a proletarian fantasy  for those who are content no longer dream  but become indolent . as joe heads to miami  all that was significant of the cowboy image has left him . his masculinity is compromised and his morality is relinquished . for joe  nothing is left of the cowboy hero and commensurately  he surrenders the identity . tossing his boots into the garbage  he returns to the bus for the last leg of his journey to miami . the final shot of midnight cowboy shows joe inside the bus  more introspective  taking only a few glances outside the window . instead of the frequent pov shots of joe excitedly looking out of the bus on his way to new york  schlesinger sets up this final shot from the exterior of the bus looking in through the window at joe . reflections of the palm trees ratzo so raved about run across the bus ', window with joe hardly taking notice . the scenery of miami no longer exacts the same excitement from joe as before . the world seems smaller to joe now ; the termination of his journey coincides with the termination of his american dream . no longer does joe aspire to be the enterprising gigolo ; he resolves to return to a normal job and resign to basic means . midnight cowboy presents two familiar incarnations of the american dream . there is the frontier fantasy that if you are brave enough to repel a few indians  you can set up a ranch out west and raise a beautiful family . then there is the jay gatsby dream that a man of humble stock  with perseverance  can make a fortune in the big city . joe ', s attempt to realize these dreams robs him of his innocence in texas and morality in new york . during his search for an intangible paradise  joe ends up raping a girl and killing a man . an allegory of chasing the promise of the american dream  joe buck ', s progressive moral atrophy is a warning against the pursuit of illusory icons .
pos metro i ', ve seen san francisco in movies many times . there was 1994 ', s interview with the vampire and most recently the rock . now  yet again  san francisco is the setting for this movie . eddie murphy stars as inspector scott roper of the sfpd . he is their top hostage negotiator  and the very best at what he does . when his best friend on the force is killed by joe ( michael wincott  in a terrific performance )  a psychotic  demented jewel thief  roger makes it his mission to capture the guy before he strikes again . meanwhile  roper tries to rekindle a relationship with his british ex - girlfriend veronica  while helping to rear a new up and comer from swat who ', s an expert sniper and marksman ( michael rappaport ) . despite the obligatory cop movie scenes ( does every cop / new partner movie have to start the same way ? ) where the sgt . assigns roper a partner  roper confronts the sarge  etc .  this film is still one heck of an explosive ride . a scene involving a cable car has to be seen to be believed  and boasts some amazing car stunts . eddie murphy shines in this tailor - made role  and for once  his character shows depth and concern . when confronting joe in prison  you can feel the anger drip from every word . michael rappaport is basically throwaway . he serves no purpose  except to be buddy to murphy and get disabled in the final reel so that eddie can save the day . typical action escapist fare . michael wincott offers the best performance as the crazed killer and jewel thief joe . never before have i seen such a villian written like this where i could actually believe that he was serious and take him seriously . maybe i just thought that this role was different due to wincott ', s perfectly raspy voice . i don ', t know . what i do know  though  is that although metro is basically a typical action retread  it manages to cover new ground and shed new light on tired old cliches ', . the film is a triumph  and an entertaining one at that . it doesn ', t meander or trail off from its main character . an enjoyable two hours  metro is enjoyable  witty  action - packed  and fun  and makes for a great action movie that ', s perfect for all of us that need an escape from reality .
pos susan granger ', s review of " hearts in atlantis " ( castle rock / warner bros . ) timing is everything  and the timing just seems right for this poignant psychological drama that combines the coming - of - age nostalgia of " stand by me " with the mystical power of " the green mile . " based on stephen king stories adapted by screenwriter william goldman and directed by scott hicks  it ', s set in 1960 in harwich  connecticut  where fatherless 11 year - old bobby garfield ( anton yelchin ) lives in a boarding house with his resentful  self - centered mother ( hope davis ) . he ', s devoted to his neighborhood friends ( mika boorem  will rothhaar ) but his pivotal relationship is with a strange  new tenant  ted brautigan ( anthony hopkins ) who opens the world of literature to him after his selfish mother refuses to buy him a birthday gift and hands him  instead  a library card . knowing he ', s longing for a schwinn bike  ted offers to pay him $ 1 a week to read him the local newspaper and keep his eyes peeled for signs of the malevolent  ominous low men who are chasing him to exploit his special powers . the story structure consists of one long flashback  framed by the present  featuring the adult bobby ( david morse )  minimizing the supernatural elements while emphasizing the human drama hopkins ', mysterious character is genteel  sensitive and benignly seductive . the only explanation is that he ', s a psychic who is wanted by the fbi to aid in their hunt for communists and even that seems appropriate  given the inexplicable state of the world right now . the production values and performances are solid  particularly hopkins - arguably the finest  most versatile actor of our era - and the children with whom he forges a firm bond . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " hearts in atlantis " is a wistful  enigmatic 8  evolving with subtle power to an emotionally effective catharsis .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . floating life  australia ', s first - ever submission to the academy of motion picture arts & sciences for consideration in the best foreign language film category ( its dialogue is in cantonese  english  and german )  marks a special accomplishment by clara law . a compelling  at times poignant film  it manages to maintain its truthfulness while teetering between comedy and melodrama . floating life centers around a hong kong family ', s sense of dislocation and loss of identity after moving to australia in order to avoid the communist takeover of hong kong  and is divided into clearly defined vignettes  each chapter labelled with title cards pertaining to houses  which serves to emphasize the film ', s theme of family . the film opens with mr . and mrs . chan ( edwin pang  cecilia fong sing lee ) and their two teen sons ( toby wong  toby chan ) leaving the bustling  claustrophobic metropolis of hong kong to join their second daughter bing ( annie yip ) in australia . with their spacious  immaculately - white new house and the vast abundance of neighbourhood greenery  the chans initially find this serene new land a strange and wonderous one  and - with neurotic bing cooly remarking about the possible dangers of australian life ( killer dogs  poisonous spiders  dangerous ultraviolet rays ) - a frightening one . this sets up a wonderfully amusing scene early in the film where the four immigrants  aimlessly ambling about their new suburban neighbourhood  are sent scrambling by the yelps of a little white puppy . the tone set up early in the film is broadly comic  and one expects floating life to depict the clash of cultures as the chans struggle to acclimatize themselves to the new ways of australian life as they integrate themselves into australian society ( a scene where the two teen sons meet up with a sunbathing neighbourhood girl is left dangling )  but the film suddenly veers towards an introspective and melodramatic tone . floating life shifts its focus away from the exploits of the new immigrants and towards bing ', s domineering of her newly - reunited family  setting out a set of stringent and oppressive rules which create tremendous tension within the household and threaten to fracture the family . meanwhile  elder daughter yen ( annette shun wah )  happily settled in germany with her husband and young daughter  begins to suffer an identity crisis  manifesting itself with her claims to her patiently exasperated husband that their new home is cursed with bad feng shui  and further exacerbated upon hearing of the familial conflict down under . among the dramatic threads of floating life  this is perhaps the most effective and engaging  with an interesting set of characters and a storyline which generates a genuine emotional punch . the one misguided vignette in floating life involves eldest son gar ming ( anthony wong )  left behind in hong kong to resolve various affairs on behalf of his family and to await his immigration papers before rejoining his parents and brothers in australia . emotionally detatched and aimlessly drifting  his is an uncompelling character  and consequently subsequent attempts to draw out pathos are uninvolving and ineffective . his desperate search for emotional fulfillment is depicted by philosopical droning on the exquisite peak of an orgasm  which quickly becomes tedious . ms . law ', s film cheerfully embraces melodrama - each of the major vignettes feature excessively emotional climaxes which i couldn ', t help but find reminiscent to wayne wang ', s acutely unsubtle the joy luck club - but despite the director ', s rather clear attempts to tug at the heartstrings  i couldn ', t help but be touched by a powerful and affecting soliloquy delivered masterfully by cecilia fong sing lee which truly packs an emotional wallop and  in dramatic terms  is certainly the highlight of floating life . floating life at times spreads itself too thin ; given the myriad of characters involved  it could either stand to delve into each vignette a little deeper  or narrow its focus to a select group of key characters . however  it is a fine film  with a thoughtful and insightful screenplay by clara law and husband eddie ling - ching fong  and some superb acting by a cast consisting almost exclusively of non - actors ( special note is to be made of cecilia fong sing lee  annette shun wah  and a short but dazzling performance by an actress who portrayed gar ming ', s girlfriend from vancouver ) . floating life is ultimately about the ties that bond a family together  which are able to withstand great distances and new environments .
pos plot : a peculiar french girl grows up lonely with her father and doesn ', t quite know what she wants out of life . one day  she falls upon something  and believes that her ticket to happiness may be in helping others . she starts with the people around her  but when she suddenly falls for her own guy  she can ', t act strongly enough because of her shy and dreamy nature . critique : a clever  quirky  original french flick set in a picturesque paris  featuring an endearing lead with a giant imagination  much loneliness and a little bit of love for everyone . this is a " feel - good " kind of movie  a fairy tale for grown - ups who are bummed out about life . it doesn ', t pretend to be deep  it doesn ', t weigh itself down with long expositions or intricate studies of its characters  it ', s basically just a " cute movie " in the same vein as chocolat and pay it forward  with some amazing visuals and incredibly nice intentions ( and if chocolat was somehow able to nab an oscar nomination for best picture last year ( a sham on so many different levels )  you might as well slap this film up for consideration also  since it ', s quite a bit better and much more original than the former ) . one thing that this film isn ', t though  at least according to me  is the best film of the year ( it was bestowed the honor of " best " in at least 3 different film festivals so far this year ) . it actually managed to stagnate a little bit about halfway through and it just went on for way too long ( it ', s a little over two hours but it felt even longer )  with much of the second half of the movie devoted to many different characters  all of whom weren ', t as interesting as the lead  and a lot of indecisiveness from ms . amelie herself  which got frustrating . thankfully  this film doesn ', t bog itself down with too much of that stuff  and actually goes out of its way to invent new ways to shoot scenes  to integrate moments of fantasy into its fabric and to transport the audience inside the imagination of this kind - hearted french girl . on the whole  it ', s a lot of fun and it carries a beautiful message of love and support for your fellow man . the lead  audrey tautou  is perfect for the role  and gives you enough moments of truth to develop her character into someone that you care about by the end of the film . unfortunately  the rest of the cast isn ', t as well - developed  and even though most of them are pretty appealing  a couple could ', ve been left out to save time and at least one was left stranded plot - wise  by the film ', s end ( what happened to the guy in the caf ? who was spying on his ex - girlfriend the whole movie ? ) . now i haven ', t seen too many recent french films  i will admit  but if this is the kind of " scene " that they ', re developing over in " le pays du vin "  i wouldn ', t mind catching more of their flicks in the future ( crimson rivers was another french film that i saw earlier this year  which i really liked - ironically  that film was directed by mathieu kassovitz  who is the co - star in this film ) . granted  the english subtitles got a little tough to keep up with at times ( i speak and understand french also  but some of the local colloquialisms went over my head )  especially since the film ', s visuals were so intriguing that you just couldn ', t help but constantly gawk at them  but the general idea  the background music  the nifty french neighborhoods  the very creative way of enveloping the audience into the story - line from the start  were all very easy to appreciate  and i for one was especially glad to have seen this movie during these trying times in the world . in fact  i ', d recommend it to anyone looking for a jolly ol ', time at the movie house  with a particular emphasis on folks with a lot of imagination  a little loneliness in their lives and many dreams in their hearts . and this guy directed alien : resurrection ? get outta here ! ! note : i especially loved the way that the script detailed and showed the loves / hates of everyone with exact mentions in the film . it was very original  very well shot and very nostalgic  as many of us were able to relate to the behaviors described . good stuff ! where ', s joblo coming from ? chocolat ( 6 / 10 ) - crimson rivers ( 8 / 10 ) - ghost world ( 9 / 10 ) - like water for chocolate ( 8 / 10 ) - o brother  where art thou ( 7 / 10 ) - pay it forward ( 5 / 10 ) - rushmore ( 9 / 10 ) - woman on top ( 7 / 10 )
pos eric rohmer ', s " pauline at the beach  " is one of those small  deliberately paced  but charming foreign films in which not much happens plot wise  but a lot happens to the characters emotionally . the film takes place during a few weeks of august at the normandy coast  and centers on six different characters  primarily pauline ( amanda langlet )  a wise beyond her years 15 - year - old who has come to stay for the summer with her older cousin  marion ( arielle dombasle ) . on the first day at the beach  marion runs into an old high school flame ( fedoore atkine )  and although he wants to rekindle their relationship  she is more interested in an older  more seductive womanizer ( pascal greggory )  who is also secretly having an affair with a candy vendor ( rosette ) . while pauline watches as an outsider at what is happening between all of the adults  she forms a relationship of her own with a young teenage boy ( simon de la brosse ) . " pauline at the beach  " is not a film in which big dramatic things occur  and there is not a clear - cut  tidy conclusion to the story . instead  it is a picture that simply observes its characters in every day life  and the surprises come from little character details . the film is quite talky and slow moving  and so it is pretty safe to say it isn ', t for those who are only a fan of action movies  but is a treat for those viewers who often like to venture outside of the big - budget genre and see a good art film . this is the first film by acclaimed director eric rohmer ( 1969 ', s " my night at mauds  " and 1971 ', s " claire ', s knee " ) that i have seen  but his direction is assured and intelligent  as is the screenplay  which he also wrote . " pauline at the beach  " is a film worth seeing .
pos after a rather disappointing " mary railly "  stephen frears is now officially back in business with a comeback worthy of praise . this is one of the best surprises of this season -- a sweet  small budget comedy with a big heart . in fact it ', s not even a comedy . it ', s a drama or even more precise -- a clever satire on human relationships and needs . based on a 1995 critically acclaimed novel by british author nick hornby  `` high fidelity "''", is a wry and likable story about a man ', s quest for fulfillment and happiness . rob gordon was a dj . it seems that he could make everything spin -- except his own life . now he owns championship vinyl  a little musical store  somewhere in new york . when he suddenly gets dumped by his girlfriend  a gorgeous blond attorney  life suddenly looses every purpose . decimated  humiliated and on the verge of a mental ( and emotional ) breakdown  he starts meditating over his life and the way it could have been -- about what ', s right and what ', s important . he starts " categorizing " life  dividing it into " top 5 lists " . and the most important is the " top 5 list " over the most painful breakups of his life  starting with 5th grade  when he found his young girlfriend with another boy . though you might think that people change  grow more mature with age  it just doesn ', t seem that way and all rob ', s relationships were different versions of that first . where did he go wrong ? was it he that screwed up ? or maybe life just stinks ? while he is lost in his own self - pity  he must think of the " top 5 list " over his needs for the future  find the right elements and mix his life together . with clever parallels to the cult of celebrity  music and with incredibly direct narration  it addresses the average audience member  in other words -- people like you and me . although a lot of this honor should be addressed to the screenwriter ______ and frears  the director  the acting is equally important as the written word . and here john cusack should absolutely be mentioned . he is simply superb . it is as much his movie as it is frears ', . the film would not be the same without him . cusack -- whose character is sadder  wiser and 35 -- brings intelligence and warmth to post - mod irony . most of his dialogue is delivered directly to the camera -- not an easy task -- but cusack pulls it off . his interpretation feels so emotionally right  so incredibly realistic and precise that frears ', message simply can ', t be ignored or overseen . the other members of the cast do an equally remarkable job . both ______ and jack black are fabulous . even catherine zeta jones appears in a role where she actually acts  not just looks beautiful . however  the most unexpected pleasant surprises is provided by todd louiso who delivers a spectacular comic performance as rob ', s co - worker and friend dick . this is such an impressive achievement that it ', s almost worth a oscar - nomination . he is simply a joy to behold . otherwise  everyone are in their place  and at the right time -- all part of frears ', colorful blend . pretty much like edward norton ', s " keeping the faith "  this film doesn ', t follow any formula or belong to any genre -- it ', s dramatic  tragic  sarcastic  comic and even cynical  but never bitter or angry . it ', s a little bit of everything  pretty much like life itself . nothing seems unreal or staged . it reflects reality as a mirror . as you watch it  you go through the same emotional problems as the main character . you feel and think and reflect . this effect has become a rarity nowadays . although it ', s primarily about the perils of love  `` high fidelity "''", is secondarily about pop music . rob owns championship vinyl and his employees  timid dick ( todd louiso ) and overbearing barry ( jack black )  are fellow music snobs . music is the language in their lives  the measure by which they define themselves and mark the significant events of their lives . and so does the movie . it is as much a musical film as anything else  as rob ', s journey is wonderfully portrayed through carefully inserted musical fragments . in the end  you have gained something while watching it . it ', s not the film of the century or even of the year . it ', s not an special effects extravaganza . it doesn ', t require big explosions or digital creatures to succeed . it ', s a small movie about the big things . and even though it does not contain heavy philosophy  you feel as if you have experienced something of significance  and you will experience that nice warm feeling for quite some time .
pos plot : a group of asbestos cleaners get a job removing the gunk from an old insane asylum . as each day passes  the crew members begin to discover things about the place and themselves which set other things in motion . saying anything else about the plot would be a crime . have fun . . . critique : " i feel like shooting myself in the head " are the first words that came out of my mouth after seeing this movie  a good indication as to what kind of film to expect here . this ain ', t your average " happy go lucky " kind of picture . this is a deliberately slow - paced mystery - horror film drenched in atmosphere  with a very creepy insane asylum ( in which most of the film takes place )  very few clues up - front and lots to talk about afterwards . will it bore some people to sleep ? you bet it will ! is it made for the scream audiences of the day ? absolutely not ! i guess you can describe this film as a horror movie for the " cerebral crowd " . a film that patiently unwraps itself frame after frame  giving away very little with each step and each sound  unwinding itself until its final scenes offer up a world of revelations and plenty more to discuss later . i ', ve always loved movies that have me talking about them afterwards like the shining and lost highway and this film fits right into that group . in fact  i guess i can pussyfoot around the actual word all i want but the best way to describe this kind of movie is a " mindfuck " . if you feel like watching a movie that moves very slowly  gives you a handful of characters with divergent backgrounds  tosses a few very ambiguous and supernatural cookies your way and is extremely disturbing once you put it all together  well  then this movie is definitely for you ! it ', s the kind of film that you actually have to see twice to fully appreciate ( damn  i missed that whole " peanut butter " thing ! ) and one that will likely creep the shit out of you if watched alone in the dark . " brrrrrrrrr . . . now what was that sound in the basement ? honey  can you go check ? " and one thing this film doesn ', t have  unlike its hollywood - ian counterparts like the haunting  is special effects . in fact  that ', s one of the greater things about this movie : it feels real because it looks like it ', s actually taped on video with very credible actors in very credible circumstances ( i did some research and it was  in fact  shot on digital video . . . ah - ha ! ) . another great thing about it is that it ', s actually very gory and somewhat violent in theme  and yet we rarely see anything of the sort on the big screen ( it ', s mostly implied  kids ! ) . and as clich ? d as it might be to say . . . it ', s usually much scarier when stuff is left to our imagination or implied in movies as such . other films that this one reminded me of include henry : portrait of a serial killer and the blair witch project  with that same real sense of dread  brooding and terror . the film does however move awfully slow and if you really don ', t get " into " it completely ( you really need to concentrate here )  you will lose the motion of the story and the pent - up tension might be released . but overall  this film is yet another great example of the horror genre making a very cool comeback this year with no tight tanktops in sight . and with david caruso acting like the king hotshot like only he can  how can you go wrong ? definitely not a film for everyone but a must - see for anyone looking to throw themselves into the psyche of the disturbed ( count me in ! ) . stanley kubrick would be proud ! oh yeah . . . so where ', s that gun again . . . ? where ', s joblo coming from ? the blair witch project ( 4 / 10 ) - blair witch 2 ( 7 / 10 ) - the haunting ( 3 / 10 ) - the house on haunted hill ( 7 / 10 ) - lost highway ( 10 / 10 ) - the pledge ( 6 / 10 ) - the shining ( 9 / 10 ) - the sixth sense ( 8 / 10 ) - unbreakable ( 8 / 10 )
pos hedwig and the angry inch ( 2001 ) john cameron mitchell  miriam shor  stephen trask  michael pitt  theodore liscinski  michael aronov  andrea martin  maurice dean wint  ben mayer - goodman . animation by emily hubley . adapted from the stage play by john cameron mitchell and stephen trask . music and lyrics by stephn trask . written and directed by john cameron mitchell . 91 minutes . rated r  stars ) had " hedwig and the angry inch " came out in the ', 70s  right after david bowie ', s " ziggy stardust  " it likely would now be regarded as one of the most popular rock musicals of all time . released in the 500 channel  sensory overload world of 2001  however  the big screen adaptation of the acclaimed off - broadway musical must do battle with countless other productions clamoring for attention . i almost missed it . every august  the major studios try to squeeze the last few dollars out of summer moviegoers by dumping all of their shakier offerings on the marketplace at once . i was so busy trying to keep up with national releases like " summer catch " and " bubble boy " that i passed over any independent film that looked like it would only have a short local run . but an e - mail from a reader asking why i hadn ', t reviewed the movie prompted me to make a late evening trip to the theater . thank goodness for readers like him . " hedwig and the angry inch " is a gender - bending glam - rock spectacular packed with great songs . stylistically  the hook - laden tunes are reminiscent of bowie  " bat out of hell " era meatloaf and " the rocky horror show  " without ever seeming like imitations . as with " tommy  " " hedwig " tells a story of isolation  pain and defiance  but without the bloated feel of that beloved  but overrated rock opera . writer - director - star john cameron mitchell and composer - lyricist stephen trask have cooked up a real winner . mitchell stars as hedwig  a singer from east berlin touring a chain of u . s . coffee shops with her pan - slavic band  the angry inch . while the patrons of the run - down restaurants look on in shock  and sometimes horror  hedwig boldly tells the sad story of her life in song . she was once a boy named hansel ( ben mayer - goodman )  living with his mother ( alberta watson ) and listening to rock and roll on american armed forces radio . life is an exercise in duality for hansel . a wall splits his hometown into two parts . mother describes love as the emotion that comes when you find your other half . as hansel grows up  the duality becomes more pronounced . after initially mistaking him for a girl  a gi from the states ( maurice dean wint ) falls in love with hansel and wants to marry him . alas  hansel will never pass the mandatory physical . mother helpfully suggests a sex change  but the operation goes bad  hence the references to " the angry inch " ( yes  i know this part is squirm - inducing  but stick with me - it ', s worth it ) . several years later  mr . right is long gone and hansel becomes hedwig  decked out in a farrah fawcett - style wig and fronting a band made up of korean women . hedwig finds a new love in tommy ( michael pitt )  a beatific lad with a unique take on christianity . but tommy does hedwig wrong  stealing her songs and becoming a superstar . cut to the present . tommy gnosis ', stadium tour is thriving and hedwig is suing him . despite warnings from her manager ( andrea martin ) that she could easily be labeled a stalker  hegwig and her new band  the angry inch  continue their coffee shop tour  shadowing the thief by playing whatever city he is in . if this sounds like a bizarre premise for a rock musical  take a few seconds and consider the plotlines of " tommy " and " rocky horror . " as hedwig  john cameron mitchell does a magnificent job taking a character that could have simply been a caricature or an icon and turning her into a compelling human being . mitchell has world - class style and vocal chords to match . even though the backstory is unusually strong  mitchell never forgets that the production is first and foremost a rock musical . everything is propelled by one terrific song after another and  trust me  these are full - fledged rock songs  not the over - processed fluff that passes for rock in most musicals . while mitchell remains in the center of the stage throughout the film  there is much of interest on the sidelines . miriam shor does fine work as yitzhak  hedwig ', s lover and bandmate  conveying a great deal through expressions alone . decked out in a bandanna and a surprisingly convincing beard  she makes a mighty attractive man . as always  " sctv " veteran andrea martin is a welcome presence onscreen and michael pitt is beguiling as tommy  the angelic - appearing little rat . artist emily hubley adds to the magic with a string of dandy animated sequences that charm the eye while underlining the central themes of the musical . " hedwig and the angry inch " surrounds a weird  funny and touching story with a knockout series of songs performed by an exceptional cast . true originals do not come along very often ? don ', t let this slip out of town without seeing it .
pos with many big - budget science fiction films  great ideas are often wasted by bad scripts  cheesy plot twists  and  terrible acting . the fifth element  the abyss  and godzilla had great concepts squandered by bad acting  writing  or both . at first glance  the matrix  larry & andy wachowski ', s sci - fi / kung - fu / shoot - em - up spectacular  looks like a prime candidate to join the list of high - concept bad movies  especially with dopey keanu reeves in the leading role . but despite high levels of cheese and gaudy dialogue  the matrix works . it ', s an uncanny blend of action and surreal fantasy that borrows from dozens of other films ( most obviously the terminator films  star wars  and total recall )  but remains refreshingly original and interesting throughout . reeves plays neo  a computer hacker who stumbles into an initially bewildering set of encounters with " trinity " ( carrie - anne moss )  a rival hacker who has supernatural powers and stunning good looks  a unseen  omniscient cult figure known as " morpheus " ( lawrence fishburne )  and a trio of creepy men in dark suits who act like irs agents from hell . neo quickly learns that the world he has known all his life is not what it seems . moreover  he discovers that the grim  bleak world he is introduced to has been waiting for him to save it . neo is reluctant to assume the role of messiah  with grave doubts that he is actually " the one " prophesized to come and save the world . reluctant or not  what follows is a mix of hong kong - style slow - motion shootouts  surreal dream sequences  high speed chases  and comic book kung - fu fights . the film also raises interesting philosophical questions about reality . how exactly do you know what is real and what is in your mind ? and if the real world were much harsher and grim than a fantasy one you were living in  would you want to face the true world or continue to live in a more comfortable illusion ? unfortunately  the matrix doesn ', t provide many answers to the questions it raises  but at least it puts some ideas behind all the explosions  shoot - outs  and flying roundhouse kicks . perhaps stealing the entire show in the matrix is australian actor hugo weaving  who plays agent smith  the leader of the creepy agents in sunglasses and suits who seem capable of being anywhere and doing anything to stop neo and friends from destabilizing the matrix . weaving ', s stony appearance  deadpan voice  and chilling comments put a grim human face on the haunting  evil technological force that controls the matrix . like robert patrick as the shapeshifting t - 1000 terminator in terminator 2 : judgement day  weaving is more frightening than any monstrous alien or homicidal robot because  despite his power and seeming invincibility  he looks ordinary  even scrawny . weaving embodies his role with a memorably chilling presence . the film features some truly breathtaking special effects and stylish cinematography . it seems to be deliberately kitchy  with stylized fight sequences directed by hong kong stunt specialist wo ping that reportedly required months of martial arts training by the actors . in a few scenes  the posing and posturing is unintentionally funny . just seeing keanu reeves engaging in serious kung fu is a bit jarring . however  with the comic - book style and tone of the film  you can sustain willing disbelief long enough to enjoy the ride without losing patience . the matrix isn ', t a classic . its open - ended and confusing conclusion raises more questions than it answers . it fails to resolve many of its own plot twists and philosophical questions . it also relies on some conventional sentimentality to save the hero - the kind of shmaltzy feel - good goo that most of the film avoids . reportedly  the producers have high hopes for the film being the first in a trilogy and have already begun work on the story for the sequel . unfortunately  audiences deserve a little more than a vague sense that the story will continue in the future . the matrix is an fun  enjoyable diversion  like a big puff of cotton candy at a carnival . just don ', t be surprised half an hour later when you still feel a little hungry .
pos " the deep end " uses a color palette of rich earth tones surrounded by a vast array of blues . alluring  attractive blues  but also icy and foreboding . after taking in their beauty  the eye seeks out the reassuring browns and greens  like a tired swimmer searching for the safety of land . the production works that way as well ? it pulls you in initially as a crisp  thoroughly - modern thriller  with clipped exchanges between defiantly non - communicative characters . but the real draw of the film is the submerged humanity of two key players as " the deep end " gradually reveals the melodramatic core beneath its ironic candy coating . spoiler alert : the following reveals the basic storyline . i believe the plot points are incidental  because the real rewards come in exploring the mindset of the main characters  but still  you should proceed at your own risk . with her husband tom  a naval officer  often away at sea  margaret hall ( tilda swinton ) holds down the fort  taking care of the children  beau ( jonathan tucker )  paige ( tamara hope )  and dylan ( jordon dorrance )  while her father - in - law jack ( peter donat ) hovers in the background  always watching . the story opens with margaret leaving the family home in lake tahoe to storm a male strip club in reno . it seems that beau  her eldest  is having an affair with darby reese ( josh lucas )  a disreputable sort 12 years his senior . margaret demands that darby leave her son alone  only to have the man smirk at her and announce he ', ll be glad to steer clear of beau ? for $ 5000 . back at home  she tries to talk about it all with her son  but the kid won ', t even confirm that he ', s gay  let alone discuss the issues she has with his boyfriend . he does  however  get attentive when she reveals darby ', s $ 5  000 offer  even as he maintains his sullen demeanor . late in the evening  darby shows up outside  tossing pebbles at beau ', s window like a schoolchild . the two meet by the water at the boathouse  where something important happens . i won ', t reveal what ; suffice to say we become aware of a significant fact that margaret does not . all of this happens in the first few minutes of the movie  by the way . within a day or so  margaret ', s life becomes even more complicated when a suave man named alec goran visnjic ) turns up with an explicit videotape documenting the sex life of beau and darby . he and his associate are willing to destroy the tape  once margaret coughs up $ 50  000 . oh  what ', s a mother to do ? end spoilers written  directed and produced by scott mcgehee and david siegel ( " suture " )  " the deep end " is based on elisabeth sanxay holding ', s 1940 ', s novel  " the blank wall  " which was also the source of the 1949 film  " the reckless moment . " i ', ve neither read the book nor seen the movie  but i understand that the filmmakers changed some details . in holding ', s story  the " scandalous " relationship is between an older man and margaret ', s teen - age daughter . switching the gender makes the tale seem more contemporary  and it also raises questions about margaret ', s motives . many reviews of " the deep end " describe margaret as a mother ferociously protecting her son  but i wonder . consider this : margaret lives in a meticulously kept upscale home . her husband is absent most of the time and seems to be regarded as a larger - than - life figure . her father - in - law is constantly present  almost as if he is monitoring for his son . and when her husband does call  margaret is careful not to tell him about anything disturbing that is going on with the family . so is margaret a mother who accepts her son ', s sexual orientation and is simply trying to shield the young man from a lover she fears will take advantage of him ? or is she caretaker of a museum of upper middle class complacency  desperate to maintain the status quo so that everything will be postcard perfect when the old man returns from the sea ? you sort it out . regardless  the resonance of " the deep end " comes from two actors . goran visnjic  best known from the tv drama " er  " is striking as a blackmailer unlike any you ', ve seen before . he engages margaret in a mesmerizing dance of protocol  chivalry and simmering eroticism . but the star of this show  without a doubt  is the remarkable tilda swinton . watch the shadings  depth  resource  vitality and understated sexuality she gives margaret and try to imagine the film without her . days after my second viewing of " the deep end  " i can still vividly picture her negotiating with villains  trying to connect with her son and diving into icy blue water . " the deep end " is an exceptional film and tilda swinton is the best part of it .
pos warning ! : may contain some mild spoilers and offensive material . rated : r ( ! ) for sexual content  crude and sexual humor  and some nudity . . ( a mild r rating ) starring : rob schneider  oded fehr  eddie griffin  arija bareikis  amy poehler  norm mcdonald . running time : 88 minutes " deuce bigalow : male gigolo " is simply a hilarious good - natured comedy that may offend some  but underneath all it ', s crude humor and sexual content is a sweet little love story that is surprisingly involving . it isn ', t any kind of cinematic classic  but it ', s a very very funny comedy that keeps us entertained until the end credits which themselves are funny too . it has all it needs to be a breezy entertaining comedy : the acting is up to pace and some of the performances quite funny  the screenplay is witty and smart  and the whole story is sweet and cute . deuce bigalow ( rob schneider ) is your typically average guy : he cleans fish tanks for a living and gets an average of 10 bucks for it . though one might call him a loser  deuce gets a job he would never thought he would get . he gets to clean the tank for a male gigolo ( oded fehr ) and gets offered to watch over his place while he goes on a trip . trying to be like him he hangs upside down from a pole and accidentally pushes off the fishtank and burns his cabinets . the thing is now he has to try and find $ 6  000 dollars in three weeks to make sure everything looks right again . so he decides to go " man - whoring " and to his luck gets the oddest people on earth : an over - weight woman who decidedly wants to eat everything in site  a woman with narcolepsy who sleeps all the time  a woman who has sudden screaming outbursts  and a woman he can ', t stop thinking about . he charges $ 10 but he is willing to negotiate . from now on he is considered deuce bigalow : male gigolo . with non - stop laughs an a abundence of crude humor " deuce bigalow : male gigolo " is sometimes like last years hit " there ', s something about mary " that is offensive but very funny . the screenplay by harris goldberg and rob schneider himself is a smart  clever and witty screenplay that seems to have been written with care to make is so hilariously funny . the characters in the film are all actually likable especially " jabba lady " with her big body but soft heart . there are actually times in the movie where i fell out of my chair laughing so hard that my stomach was killing me . even though i thought " toy story 2 " and " being john malkovich " were the funniest of the year " deuce bigalow " follows right behind them . the directing by mike mitchell is fantastic and shows he took time on the film . rob schneider gives a surprisingly endearing performance and when his romance develops with one of his customers kate ( arija bareikis ) it is a sweet romance that we get involved in and actually like being involved in it . " deuce bigalow " is a good - natured film worth all the merit it can get . its not a classic or a masterpiece  it ', s just a comedy that we don ', t feel bad about watching . sure it may come off as offensive and may come off as dumb sometimes  but you cannot deny that it isn ', t funny . " deuce bigalow : male gigolo " is no disappointment . its a fast paced  entertaining sweet and hilarious comedy that may be destined to become a cult classic . fans of schneider will not be disappointed and fans of crude but nice comedies will not either . for some reason the film garnered an r rating but with no " f words " or extensive use of sexual content or explicit nudity i was really wondering why the film was r . a mild r to put it to the least  but even if your under 17 or above at least 13 this film is good enough for you to see . don ', t try to be one of those people who make so much of a film that they do not like it  just sit back  laugh and enjoy the movie .
pos underrated movies are a common reoccurrence in show business today . 1998 ', s ', hope floats ', was extremely underrated and was one of the best movies of the year . we always get films that make big money at the box - office but critics and audiences pan on them . this year ', double jeopardy ', is one of those films . critics are calling it predictable and worthless  audiences are disappointed with it and think it was a disappointment . but as i viewed ', double jeopardy ', i found that it was a great movie  it has a surprising sense of humor and a big dose of heart  along with heart - pounding suspense and twists and turns here and there it certainly is a really good movie . the always wonderful ashley judd plays libby parsons  a woman with a seemingly normal life : a great loving husband  a beautiful son and a great friend . her husband nick parsons has made a surprise for her and is going to buy her the sailboat she has always wanted . after a night of bliss libby wakes up in the middle of the night to find blood all over her and all over the sailboat  her husband is missing and there is a bloody knife on deck . of course being in shock she picks it up and a coast guard comes over and sees her . however she isn ', t immediately ceased until they find out his life insurance was worth two - million dollars and they start to wonder rather she killed him for the money . she pleads not - guilty but is found guilty and sent to prison for six years . while making a phone call to her best friend who adopted her son for her and she hears him say hi to his dad  which makes libby ', s heart stop right there . she realizes she must get out and prove that he isn ', t dead  one of her cell - mates tells her that as long as she has been convicted of a crime she cannot be convicted of it again . which means she can shoot him in the middle of mardi gras and they cannot do anything about it . after she gets out she goes to a halfway house run by parole officer tommy lee jones . he is a man who has had his share of bad things . while out for the day she breaks into a school and tries to track down her kid and husband  leading up to some jaw - dropping twists that are both predictable and not . whatever happens the film was excellent to me . i found the writing well - written as well as the acting was great . ashley judd is such a talented and beautiful actress that she is a hero in a sort in this movie . even if you know what is going to happen in the end  you don ', t know how . this is one of those movies that you really do know what is going to happen  except you don ', t know how they are going to make it happen . it could be one way or another  it could be this way or that way . the movie is highly stylized and extremely well - made . it gets most of it ', s power from the two leads : ashley judd and tommy lee jones both give excellent performances . the characters are well - realized and believable and we feel libby ', s pain when she cannot see her child for 6 years . even though a lot of critics didn ', t like the film  i loved it . the director took his time making the movie  and put a lot of shadowing in the movie . i found it not to be boring at all and it ', s only flaw comes from some predictability . it moved at a fast pace  has suspense  humor  heart and great acting . it earns it ', s right to be a great movie and to me that ', s what it was .
pos as fairy tales go  cinderella has to be one of the most famous . almost everyone knows it  well at least in north america . so it is natural that someone will try to make a movie out of it . it has been done before with varying results . this version of the story is both similar to the original and different at the same time . the basic story remains unchanged but  one thing that seems to vanish with this version  and that is all the fantastical elements of the story . there is no fairy god mother or anything even remotely of that nature . after the fantastical elements are stripped away what is left is a realistic believable rendition of the cinderella story and an interesting love story at the least . . unlike in the fairy tale  the prince plays a much larger part than just that of the masked ball at the end . the ? prince ',  who happens to be the crown prince to the throne of france  meets ', cinderella ',  known as danielle  on a few occasions  most coincidentally and he becomes smitten with her . although this seems to be a far cry from the traditional story it allows for the main plot to proceed with enough room for some imaginative story telling . . the story takes place in a renaissance setting ; in france  with leonardo da vinci providing some comic relief on more than one occasion . this addition of leonardo da vinci  was quite successful in that it added some color to the movie  since some of the roles are a bit stereotypical . for example the role that was scripted for the prince leaves a few things to be desired . for instance the character seems to be a bit too unstable and fickle  a crown prince should not be anything remotely like that . especially since he is portrayed to be in his mid twenties at the least and almost ready to take the throne . the characters of danielle ( cinderella ) played by drew barrymore  and that of the evil step mother  played by anjelica huston  are well developed and well played by the two women . although the part of danielle is a bit stretched it is not too unlikely and not totally unbelievable . the nuances of the character are brought out well by drew barrymore and from watching the movie it seems like she had fun making the movie . as a contrast the part of the evil step mother is clearly seen from the very beginning and is almost clique . but  anjelica huston seems to add a certain flair to the role that makes it suit the movie nearly perfectly . the actual story is fairly predictable since it is after all the basic story of cinderella  but there are more than enough twists in how the story is told to make it interesting and enjoyable . the acting is of high caliber and seems deserved of praise . all in all this movie takes you back into history  into a seemingly magical fairy land . but  don ', t get me wrong there is nothing but reality  it is just refreshing to watch a movie that is not based in a familiar setting with everyday familiar things happening . so although the story is basically familiar the world it is set in is not  and that adds a dimension to the film which in this humble reviewers opinion makes it worth seeing
pos it stands as a moment one will not soon forget : a giant  green ogre flips through the pages of a cliche fairy tale  narrating it with every bit of dull inspiration that the story holds . this leads one to believe that this serves as the prologue to shrek  dreamworks ', second computer animated feature  but in a pricelessly hilarious bit of cinema  a page of this tale serves as that ogre ', s toilet paper . from this opening moment  one can infer shrek ', s defying of all expectations regarding it as a standard  disney - esque fairy tale . although rampant moments of hilarity dot shrek  the true charm of the film lies in the bold elements of friendship  courage  and acceptance  excelled by outstanding direction  stunning actor voice work  and most importantly  a witty screenplay with more going on than meets the eye . while shrek features an abundance of humor related directly toward adults  positive friendship values aimed at younger children fulfill the storyline : shrek  the previously mentioned ogre  holds a position of absolute nothingness within his community . the jolly green giant meets a fellow outsider  known only as the donkey ( his species ) who talks  and although he remains reluctant to warm up to him for a good portion of time  shrek eventually comes to a mutual understanding with him by acknowledging their common state as outcasts of the world . the pair team up to retrieve princess fiona from a castle guarded by a dragon for the powerful lord farquaad  learning quite a bit about each other and themselves along the way . their friendship exhibits the core theme of the need for someone to lean on  exemplifying to any child who may witness the film that acting as an honest companion can unquestionably affect someone . shrek and donkey endure as supposed freaks of nature due only to their differences from others but cling to each other for support and guidance along their journey . courage demonstrates itself within two major storylines : along the journey to rescue fiona  donkey ', s immeasurable cowardice reveals itself . whether he encounters walking over a shaky bridge or living alone  donkey withholds fears that he continuously puts aside without self - acknowledgment . but the yapping donkey must face his phobias when presented with the giant  fire - breathing dragon guarding fiona ; either he dies from terror or he triumphs with courage . he wisely chooses courage by pretending as if no dangerous situation actually faces him  allowing the donkey to overcome a horror that likely only continued due to his insistence of them . secondly  upon shrek ', s and donkey ', s redeeming of princess fiona  the ogre finds the princess has plans for whomever saves her : to satisfy her desire for a ( human ) knight in shining armor . throughout this storyline  shrek faces his deep  perpetual misgivings of inhering as an ogre and struggles to determine how he will reveal his true identity to fiona . an ongoing struggle occurs between himself and his reluctance of the truth  but eventually  shrek courageously conquers his fear by telling the forbidden secret to fiona . children can realize from donkey and shrek that fear remains only as complicated as one makes it ; if one sets his / her mind to overcoming something in particular  endless possibilities exist . after the friendships and courage prevail  the three central characters at the heart of shrek must take one more stretch of development : acceptance . surprisingly  fiona holds a dark secret of her own : due to a spell cast upon her years ago  she transforms into an ogre by night . in this storyline  fiona must learn to hold acceptance for herself  and she must realize what beauty truly means : to simply act as one ', s self . upon fiona ', s learning of shrek ', s desire to pursue a relationship with her  fiona  knowing that acceptance of herself serves as the only platform for her love with shrek to work  gives in to her inner demons of self - ridicule and hatred . any child can pull from fiona ', s transformation the meaning of beauty and the meaning of self - acceptance . on the technical side  shrek triumphs . directors adam adamson and vicky jenson pace shrek in a consistent and satisfying manner  evenly distributing the lessons learned by the central characters . these central characters spring to life thanks to brilliant voice work from mike myers ( shrek )  eddie murphy ( donkey )  and cameron diaz ( princess fiona ) . myers creates his shrek as a lovable and troubled ogre whose green color not only serves as a skin color but perhaps his envy of other  " normal " beings . murphy succeeds with his donkey through recreating the high - strung persona that so many know the actor to have off screen . cameron diaz exudes charisma and innocence as fiona  giving the princess / ogre a sense of power that many female characters in animated films lack . while the direction and voice work certainly elevate shrek  the ultimate factor in the film succeeding lies in the screenplay  written by ted elliott  terry rossio  joe stillman  and roger s . h . schulman . the script never underestimates the intelligence of the viewer  combining the three previously spoken of elements with humor for adults and children alike . capping it off with a constant tongue - in - cheek feel that pokes fun at classic disney animated features  the fresh and entertaining screenplay delivers . with shrek  dreamworks executive jeffrey katzenberg has certainly one - upped himself by creating an instant animated classic that will live on for ages to come . the smaller children will laugh and cheer ; the adults will laugh even harder and leave understanding much that their children did not . a film that breaks stereotypes and creates a definite standard of its own  shrek can certainly endure as one for the ages .
pos for a movie about disco - era excess  " 54 " comes up surprisingly short on the sleazy happenings at the titular late 1970s and early 1980s manhattan dance club . think of it as a sort of " boogie nights " - lite - where that similarly - structured and - set portrayal of the porn industry was loaded with salacious goings - on and skidded on a destructive midpoint tone shift  " 54 " leaves the kinkier details to your imagination . it never needlessly revels in its seedy subject matter  but it thankfully never resorts to preaching  either . in fact  were it not for the rampant drug use and the intermittent dark moment  " 54 " would be about as feathery as the time period ', s popular female hairstyle . studio 54 was a haven for the rich  famous and generally good - looking before it closed its doors forever in 1986 . inside  anything went and  we are told  everything did . the film ', s fictional main character is shane o ', shea ( ryan phillippe  the jerky jock from " i know what you did last summer " )  a fresh - faced 19 - year - old who dreams of venturing beyond the club ', s velvet rope and coming face - to - face with the wild decadence he can only read about in magazines . his wish comes true when studio 54 owner steve rubell ( mike myers ) spots him amongst a crowd of gawkers one night in ', 79 and permits him passage - but not before he doffs his hideous shirt  of course . once inside  shane becomes seduced by the club ', s dizzying vortex of sex and drugs . he has such a good time that he doesn ', t want to leave  so he seeks employment as a busboy . he quickly becomes friends with greg ( breckin meyer ) and anita ( salma hayek )  a married couple who work along side of him ; greg ', s a fellow busboy with aspirations to make the big money as a studio 54 bartender  while anita checks coats but desires a recording contract to call her own . after rubbing elbows ( among other things ) with a renowned socialite ( sela ward ) and gaining the personal interest of rubell  shane begins to ascend to the upper echelons of 54 . but fame doesn ', t come without a price . " 54 " ', s major shortcomings lie within its handling of the supporting players - at a slim hour - and - a - half  the film is too short to take on such a multi - character focus  and more than a few balls are dropped in the resulting juggling act . alleged last - minute edits and reshoots are more than likely to blame for the occasionally rushed development and ambiguous interaction  since " 54 " sometimes feels like it ', s missing a scene here or there . nowhere is this more apparent than in shane ', s relationship with soap opera actress julie black ( neve campbell )  a frequent studio 54 patron whom he ', s long admired from afar . the romance is prodded along before it has a chance to transform into something special . that " 54 " works despite these limitations  then  is largely due to the competence and energy with which it ', s assembled . sure  it ', s shallow  slick  sanitized portrait of a bygone age  and sure  we ', ve seen the rags - to - riches story gazillions of times  but debut director and screenwriter mark christopher keeps things moving with lively snapshots of the studio 54 hustle and bustle and an even livelier cast to inhabit his bouncy vision . the film boasts some fine comic creativity  the pinnacle of which is disco dottie ( " the wedding singer " ', s ellen dow )  an elderly dancing queen who plays the loving grandmother in public  but slides up to shane behind 54 ', s closed doors and asks for a " funky little treat . " the solid  sexy cast smooths out - if only while you ', re caught up in the film - any rough spots belonging to their alter - egos or the plot . newcomer phillippe has the charisma and joisey accent down pat ; he and campbell  as fetching as ever  look so good together it ', s a shame their subplot goes nowhere . meyer exhibits the congenial appeal that made him a delight to watch in " clueless " ( he was the stoner with the joker - smile )  while hayek simply sizzles  especially when leading a dance class with the mantra  " one  two  three  attitude ! " sherry stringfield  unidentifiable under big ', 70s hair  takes on her first big - screen gig since she left " er " as rubell ', s accountant  but she ', s criminally underused . as the droopy - eyed  drug - addled steve rubell  myers is worth the price of admission alone . when he ', s not playing the life of the party  the ex - " saturday night live " comedian strips away all of rubell ', s confidence and swagger to show a man desperately trying to fill his empty  unhappy life with exorbitance ; it ', s a moment worthy of pity when  while lounging on a bed of money and vomiting from a particularly heavy evening  he attempts to seduce one of his employees . and while his performance is largely serious  myers mixes the empathy with a delicate " austin powers " - esque wink  thus keeping consistent with " 54 " ', s overall feel - gaudy  larger - than - life and satisfyingly ornamental  not unlike a giant disco ball .
pos in 1994  an insider ', s look at a scandal - ridden run for the democratic presidential nomination ( closely based on clinton ', s 1992 campaign ) was written anonymously ( former newsweek writer joe klein later claimed true authorship ) . now  the book  primary colors  has been made into a movie  directed by mike nichols  and  in light of recent presidential scandals  seems to be more relevant than ever . but the film is more than a diatribe against  or a paean in praise of  the president . it is a fascinating look at the political machinery  and the ethical quagmire  that surround modern politics . jack stanton ( john travolta ) is the governor of a small southern state running for the democratic presidential nomination . he is charismatic  but has several flaws which threaten to doom his campaign  and strains his relationship with his wife  susan ( emma thompson ) . the film is told from the point of view of henry burton ( adrian lester )  grandson of a civil rights leader  who is swept away by stanton ', s ideals and helps to organize the campaign . he joins political strategist richard jemmons ( billy bob thornton  looking an awful lot like james carville )  and campaign advisor daisy green ( maura tierney ) . governor stanton ', s past repeatedly pops up to haunt him  a fact that his chief rival  lawrence harris ( kevin cooney )  consistently uses to his advantage . to help clean up the stanton campaign  jack and susan bring in an old friend  libby " the dustbuster " holden ( kathy bates ) . the acting throughout primary colors is superb . it would be worth seeing the movie for bates ', wild performance alone . she enlivens the atmosphere with energy in a truly boisterous performance . travolta does a fair clinton impersonation as governor stanton  although his accent does stray a little . emma thompson delivers a strong performance as his suffering wife who can ', t let anything show that might hurt the presidential run . the problem with political movies is that they tend to alienate over half of their audience by promoting one side or the other  or else the movie is vague to the point of boredom . primary colors treads lightly on this issue . though stanton is clearly portrayed as a democrat  and there are a few minor barbs thrown in the way of republicans  the movie touches on few actual political issues . in fact  most of the " bad guys " are fellow democrats on the same road to the white house . rather than issues  the film is primarily concerned about scandals and spin control . although the film strays into some obviously non - clinton territory  it is difficult to completely separate it from reality ( particularly when certain scenes seem to highlight the president ', s current troubles ) . primary colors ', chief problem is its length . it runs about 15 minutes too long . there are some scenes which could have easily been cut . for example  midway through the film  the candidate gives a speech to an assembly of laid off machinists . the scene ', s only apparent purpose is to establish stanton ', s character  which has already been done in similar scenes earlier in the film . the extra length isn ', t long enough nor tiring enough to be annoying  but it mars an otherwise excellent film . republicans  democrats  and political agnostics should all be able to find something to like in primary colors . it ', s a funny  and at some times shocking  look at the modern political process .
pos this movie was one of the first american films done by director paul verhoeven . he has done films since then such as basic instict and starship troopers . all of his movies have one main thing in common - they don ', t skimp on the violence . in a verhoeven movie a guy doesn ', t get shot once in the chest - he gets shot many times all over the body . robocop takes place in detroit in the future . things are pretty bleak . the company ocp rules the city with an iron fist and is moving in on running the police force . peter weller plays a cop who goes on a mission with his partner  nancy allen . peter weller goes in an empty room alone and gets killed . meanwhile ocp has a failed demonstration of a ed - 209 model robot crime fighter . someone comes up with the idea of having a cyborg robocop so they use any parts worth scalvaging from peter weller and make him into the robocop the movie is titled after . the plot of this movie generally runs at a decent pace . it drags a bit towards the end with robocop wanting to finish everybody off  but plot twists keep it exciting . the acting is bad from weller when he is human  but very good when he is robocop . nancy allen does a decent job . this movie doesn ', t leave itself open for a sequel exactly . but they made one anyway . enter . . . robocop 2 starring : peter weller and nancy allen directed by : irvin kershner detroit is in a more bleak state than it was in the first film . ocp is trying to develop an improved ', robocop 2 ', that will be more than a match for criminals . most of the police force is on strike due to ocp taking it over  leaving robocop to be the police force in the city . this film is pretty bizaare . it has a 13 year - old drug - lord who curses as much as eddie murphy  even more violence than the original  and some more humor . the plot of this movie is pretty large  almost too much so . there are three or four plot lines weaving around that don ', t really match up . the effects are still decent though . this sequel isn ', t more of the same really  just a darker version robocop dealing more with drugs than with armed criminals . if you liked the first one  watch this . but be dissapointed . so later comes . . . robocop 3 starring nancy allen and robert john burke ocp is now owned by a large japanese company . robocop joins a band of rebels to counter - attack the evil empire  i mean ocp . the japanese send a cyborg - ninja to deal with robocop . among other things . . . this movie is easier to follow than the last one . which means the plot isn ', t quite as crowded . this movie isn ', t anything special though . just more of robocop blasting things up in a more kid - friendly way . really not reccomended .
pos eyes wide shut isn ', t the masterpiece many were hoping to see in stanley kubrick ', s final film  but it is an impressive achievement ; a mesmerizing  haunting  adult psychodrama about marriage  fidelity and sex . it ', s a stanley kubrick film from beginning to end  consistently exhibiting the auteur ', s trademark penchant for long  continuous takes  his unparalleled deftness behind the camera and his uncanny ability to extract gorgeous performances from his exhausted cast ( indeed  eyes wide shut attained infamy even before its release for its notoriously laborious shoot : kubrick  a renowned perfectionist  reportedly held his cast " hostage " on the set for nearly a year ) . in an uncharacteristic maneuver  kubrick cast two big - name stars in the lead roles  namely real - life husband and wife tom cruise and nicole kidman . they play bill and alice harford  a volatile couple who  during the course of a couple nights  ponder the validity of the idea that a husband and a wife must be faithful to each other . he is an m . d .  she ', s unemployed and we are introduced to them as they are getting ready to go to a fancy party . at the affair  they are both propositioned and both nearly succumb to the temptation to play around with someone else . when they return to their lavish new york apartment kidman ( after smoking a dash of weed ) inquires whether her husband had sex with two models who approached him during the night . he ( truthfully ) says that he did not and asks what happened with that hungarian guy she was dancing with . they proceed to argue until alice tells her spouse a lustful story : evidently some time ago  she had a thing for a young naval officer . she admits that she was ready to give up her whole future with bill and their young daughter if this guy wanted her even for one night . bill is jolted by alice ', s story and we anticipate his reaction  but at that moment he gets a phone call and has to go " show his face " at the house of a just - deceased patient . this turns out to be the beginning of a long and eventful night on the town . the daughter of the dead patient hits on him but he wisely turns her down . he almost does the dirty deed with a kindly hooker who approaches him on the street . then  through a series of coincidences  he winds up at a gothic mansion where a ritualistic ( and frankly  creepy ) orgy takes place  with costumed people performing various public sex acts on each other . erotic dread mounts as cruise ( who ', s not supposed to be there ) wonders the spacious halls watching the " action " until he is discovered to be an outsider . much hoopla has been raised over the fact that warner bros . digitally edited the orgy scene . with the help of a computer  they put in cloaked figures to block some of the actual sex acts ( they can still be seen  just not in all their glory ) in order to avoid the dreaded nc - 17 rating . european viewers will see the film as kubrick envisioned it . roger ebert calls the american version the " austin powers version  " and many others have bashed the alterations . i am of the potentially controversial opinion that the figures only supplement the scene ', s mystical atmosphere . the first thing one notices about eyes wide shut is how it looks . this is an artful  distinctively gorgeous production  shot in dark  moody hues and featuring some elaborate  beautiful scenery . from the giant mansion used in the film ', s centerpiece to the decor at the christmas party to the harford ', s apartment  this film is always a pleasure to look at . to boot  a great soundtrack makes it more atmospheric still . at the core  behind the graphic  controversial content and unappealing mood  this is a good - natured movie that emphasizes the importance of fidelity . it looks at sex as almost perfunctory by portraying it as unnerving rather than erotic . it ', s something superficial and yet something necessary to achieve a deeper relationship . at the end  it seems  bill ', s eyes are wide open to the special kind of love he and his wife have for each other  more meaningful than anything he could ever hope to find on the streets of new york . kubrick elicits wonderful performances from both cruise and kidman . tom is completely convincing as dr . harford  a man who seems guided solely by destiny  with no control of the course his life will take . nicole projects a quiet intensity as the jittery yet aggressive wife and her performance is stunningly effective : she ', s headed for an oscar nod . the movie has some help from a similarly strong supporting cast  at the head of which is director - cum - thespian sidney pollock  enigmatic and articulate as harford ', s mysterious friend . eyes wide shut is not perfect : the last hour could have used a slightly more scissor - happy editor and both cruise and kidman are too good - looking for me to believe that either would have a very strong temptation to philander . still  this is an important work from a great director  and while it may not be on par with some of stanley kubrick ', s best it is a worthy final film  a complex exploration of jealousy and faithfulness . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . milos forman ', s first film since the ill - fated valmont  columbia ', s the people vs . larry flynt  is a vastly entertaining ( if not particularly enlightening ) biopic of hustler publisher and self - made millionaire larry flynt  who became an unlikely champion of freedom of speech rights in the united states in the late 1970s and early 1980s . the film unweaves its tale in a chronological order : we open with young and dirt - poor larry flynt and his brother jimmy  peddling jars of water in true entrepreneurial spirit out in the rural outback of kentucky . cut to forward in time  where the two flynt brothers  now young men  are running the struggling hustler go - go clubs in cincinnati . the strip clubs are in a dire financial state  and in a last - ditch effort to salvage the operations  flynt decides to go to a print shop and churn out a promotional newsletter . this evolved into the adult periodical _hustler_ magazine  creating larry flynt a vast financial empire  and the rest is history . what sets flynt apart from other publishers is his struggles against those who would have him cease publication of his adult material  and who railed and preached against him - flynt spent time in incarceration and was paralyzed by an assassination attempt - and his driven  single - minded insistence to buck the system and fight for his freedom of expression  regardless of personal cost . the people vs . larry flynt also weaves in the bittersweet story of flynt ', s true love  althea leasure  whom he meets as a dancer in his club and later marries  and who devotedly stands alongside him throughout his trials and tribulations . considering the serious nature of the film ', s theme - the importance of the united states ', first amendment - the people vs . larry flynt is surprisingly and wonderfully light - hearted and humourous . much of the comedy is elicited from larry flynt ', s outlandish stunts at his courtroom appearances - some of his chosen apparel is hilarious - and for the most part these elements of the film work far better than some of the more dramatic points  such as an uninspiring flynt monologue set at a free speech rally in front of an enormous american flag dealing with the subjectivity of obscenity . the film ', s focus is on the flynt ', s many battles over first amendment rights and freedom of speech  but the heart of the people vs . larry flynt is the touching love story between flynt and althea . larry flynt is shown as being occassionally gruff  harsh  and overtly aggressive with his friends and colleagues  but with althea  we see his loving  affectionate side . there ', s a scene where flynt tenderly takes his ill wife on a ride on his wheelchair that is heartbreaking . ultimately  the emotional power that the film hits at its conclusion comes not from his achievements from his battles against censors  but from the strength of flynt and althea ', s love for each other . woody harrelson is entirely engaging in what must be certainly a career - topping performance as the irrepressible larry flynt . harrelson plays flynt with the right mixture of outrageousness and confident stubborness to make him endearing and entirely sympathetic to the audience  and a very compelling protagonist for the film . courtney love plays althea leasure in a startling turn  completely raw and impulsive . it ', s a very solid performance  brash and naturalistic  and love is extremely compelling ; it ', s difficult to take your eyes off her onscreen  and her chemistry with harrelson is dead - on . edward norton  as flynt ', s straight  level - headed lawyer is often upstaged by his flashier co - stars in the people vs . larry flynt  much as his counterpart lawyer alan isaacman was upstaged by flynt during many of the courtroom scenes  but norton shines in his big scene where he addresses the supreme court in the climactic scene of the film . one can sense the frustration that norton ', s character feels when harrelson ', s free - talking flynt sabotages trial after trial on him by openly speaking his mind  and this results in a heightened emotional punch when norton ', s isaacman has the opportunity to sway the supreme court judges . milos forman keeps the film moving - although it runs over two hours  it never drags - and his direction of the film is very effective  eliciting a great deal of empathy for a subject which could be construed by some as extremely sordid and unsympathetic . there ', s also a great visual technique which forman uses to indicate the passing of time in one shot  which is both clever and extremely entertaining . two minor quibbles with the film - it certainly seems like the people vs . larry flynt is in a rush to get to its main theme  with flynt battling against authorities and the system for his freedom of speech . consequently  the first thirty minutes of the film  introducing and setting up the characters  seem unduly rushed ; perhaps it is merely due to the fact that these characters are so interesting  but i felt it would have worked better if this route was taken in a more leisurely fashion . it also felt like there was a distinctive lack of insight into the inner workings of these characters - the film clearly shows what flynt  althea  isaacman  and rev . jerry faldwell did  and on a superficial level some of their motivations  but it never seemed like one could really understand the characters on a deeper level . for example  why larry flynt was compelled by ruth carter stapleton ( president carter ', s sister ) to be born - again is a mystery to me . then again  perhaps it was to him as well . these two points don ', t detract greatly from the film . the people vs . larry flynt is certainly among the very best studio - released films of 1996  and works both as a ringing political statement about the importance of freedom of speech and the depths to which larry flynt would go to advance the cause of free expression  and as a touching love story .
pos until i saw the night of the hunter  it had been a long time since i had gasped while watching a movie . forget the others and the deep end ( which veered toward strained dramatics )  the night of the hunter is by far the scariest movie i ', ve seen so far this year . even though the movie is nearly 50 years old and there ', s a not drop of blood to be seen . luckily  the night of the hunter  charles laughton ', s first and final directing gig  has been restored by the ucla film and television archive and is being re - released in october 2001 . so  there ', s still plenty of time to spill your popcorn all over the place . robert mitchum stars as harry powell  a reverend with a nasty habit of courting and then killing widows for their cash . his newest target is young mother willa harper ( shelley winters )  whose murderer husband ben ( peter graves ) has hidden $ 10  000 somewhere . powell finds out about the stash and decides to court mrs . harper after he ', s released and ben is hanged . but finding the money isn ', t easy for powell  who must contend with his stepchildren ( billy chapin and sally jane bruce )  who know where the money is  but aren ', t telling . the hard part about seeing a classic now is the pop culture monster has usually drawn and quartered and then flaunted all the memorable moments  thus ruining the spontaneity and adventure when we finally watch it for the first time . how many spoofs or salutes to the shower scene in psycho have we seen in other movies ? what about the brilliant baby stroller sequence from battleship potemkin ? ( no  i ', m not blaming brian de palma entirely for this sampling problem . ) yes  there are some visual elements that other directors seem to have borrowed from the night of the hunter . powell ', s " love " and " hate " knuckle tattoos obviously influenced spike lee in do the right thing ( remember radio raheem ? ) . and powell ', s black suit  with black tie and white shirt  could have shaped quentin tarantino ', s early visual style . seeing the night of the hunter for the first time  i was amazed at how much it crackled with wicked wit and fright and how much intensity was intact . you can now sign me up as president of the robert mitchum fan club . he plays the role with a controlled malice that induces unease every time he appears . he ', s like the senior class president with an evil streak . if i ever need to stay awake  i ', ll just picture him crooning  " leaning . . . leaning . . . . " any actor who wants to play a character with a touch of evil should study his performance the way a rabbinical student studies the torah . and credit must be handed out to laughton and cinematographer stanley cortez  who create a series of haunting  surreal shadowy images over the rural depression - era backdrop . it ', s a testament to both men that they ', re able to invigorate what has become a hackneyed storyline ( kids harassed by evil guardians ) by sticking to the old maxim that we ', re more scared by what we don ', t see . screenwriter and legendary film critic james agee does a beautiful job giving shape and substance to an array of supporting characters : the drunk birdie ( james gleason ) who ', s haunted by his wife  and the spoons ( evelyn varden and walt spoon ) whose marriage has become a verbal vaudeville act . the only lapse is the movie ', s third act  when pearl and john run away from home and find a home with the motherly  bible - reading mrs . cooper ( lillian gish ) . her showdown with powell is memorable -- a battle done with dueling hymns . however  the whole segment feels a little rushed and underdone  but it ', s still a thrill seeing the queen of the silent film era handling a shotgun . do yourself favor and don ', t miss this if it comes to a nearby theater . note : a series of revealing  but overlong  outtakes preceded the movie . the highlights included the legendary laughton ( who sounds eerily like mr . pitt from seinfeld ) running winters ', lines with mitchum  and the adorable  tiny bruce having trouble descending a coal pile . hours more of such footage exists  as laughton liked to keep the cameras constantly rolling . screened as part of the 2001 new york film festival retrospectives ( feature story coming soon ) .
pos jamaica is a hot vacation spot . the exchange rate encourages delusions of wealth ( approximately 30 jamaican dollars to one american )  the sea is a brilliant blue  the air is warm but lacks humidity . and as tourism is unfortunately jamaica ', s biggest trade  foreigners enter and leave with a sense of relaxation . life and debt takes a brassy look at life inside this impoverished country . while normal documentaries take the sally struthers approach of underlying scenes of starving children with tearful music  this film guides the viewer with a sarcastic voiceover that brings the troubles home without begging tears to the surface . the voiceover is written by acclaimed author jamaica kincaid . it guides the audience along a tourist ', s journey and the story of the native inhabitants . instead of telling you what you are already seeing on screen  it quips  " you don ', t see what happens after you flush the toilet . " this engages a viewer to see and think about devastation instead of merely being told it is there . this strong  sparse storytelling approach runs throughout the film . stephanie black is also intelligent in how she chooses to disclose the problems faced by the locals . this isn ', t just another talking head show of people moaning about their horrible lot in life . people are interviewed from all sectors of occupation  from field to factory  as well as social theorists and the banking organizations that continue to invest in the country . the variety of discussion perpetuates a compelling internal dialogue with any viewer  whether they are seeing jamaica for the first time or not . of course  as can be expected  the united states is slammed  owing to its involvement with the international monetary fund and the world bank . officials look moronic as they explain why their plans for jamaica ', s economy will help the country back on its feet  but only if they are willing to follow the advice word for word . the next moment we see why and how each of these initiatives has failed  usually due to imports being cheaper than local labor or whether or not the soil is appropriate for the next agricultural trend the u . s . is forcing on the citizens . admittedly  some of the back and forth between the business - minded organizations and the failures they produce gets repetitive  but it also drives home the impact ignorance can have on both sides of an international argument . but jamaica isn ', t against the united states  and this documentary does not accuse the u . s . of being the sole perpetrator of its grief . if anything  it begs for a better understanding of the nature of jamaican society before stepping in to change it based on foreign regulations .
pos denzel washington is among the many actors this holiday season to give very impressive milestone performances . this perhaps may be washington ', s very best to date . he joins matt damon and jim carrey in having the talent  this season  to become his character  copying mannerisms and personal styles perfectly . his very believable performance makes the long and uninteresting " the hurricane " a much better film than it actually is . when his rubin " hurricane " carter feels pain and is tormented by racism  he creates for the audience a great sense of sympathy  disgust  and maybe even some embarrassment from the fact that this is our very own country that is breaking laws to support silly prejudices . the horrific true events carter suffered from all of his life are slightly more disturbing and terrifying because they only took place a few decades ago . the powerful expressions of denzel washington alone  as his tortured carter  sum up the troubles of racism in america ', s history . he is that amazing . the problem with " the hurricane " is that when compared to washington  all of the other actors are not nearly as memorable in their roles . mainly because the script focuses so much on carter  that it leaves little interest or room for the other actors . this is  without a doubt  washington ', s movie but in order for any film to be completely satisfying  it must utilize everyone in the cast to their highest potential not just the stars . denzel washington is the only reason to see this film for his inspirational and very depressing tour de force performance . as rubin carter  we see a black man whose existence has been a punching bag for the white american court system . > from the age of eleven to twenty one he was sent to a juvenile prison for a crime he did not commit . then after a successful marriage and boxing career  he was harshly imprisoned again for life after being framed for a triple murder . carter ', s second term in prison seemed almost inevitable when faced off against jealous  powerful white men who refused to let him succeed . from these past experiences in jail  carter realized that he must make his case heard for all of america . after several court appeals  an autobiography  and many public marches for his freedom  carter remained locked in prison . it was not until a young black boy from brooklyn being educated in toronto read carter ', s book in the 1980 ', s  that a serious battle for freedom took place . the young boy and his three canadian guardians decide to dedicate all of their time to the case until carter is released . the greatest scenes in the film are when carter begins to lose his mind after spending three months in isolation . washington really shows the breakdown of carter when after swearing he would never go to jail again  he is unfairly framed at the height of his innocent career . the devastation in washington ', s eyes show a man who has struggled to do the right thing his whole life only to be punished for it . in the hole  carter attempts to maintain emotional balance but he cannot . his anger is heightened to a point of no control . we see multiple carters  a violent angry one  a silent passive one  and a mediator . we see an emotional boxing match inside carter ', s head . from this point in the hole to the end of the film  this fight continues . it is very apparent at times which side is winning the battle and in some scenes there is a direct switch from angry to caring or the opposite . when carter sees that white canadians want to help him get out of prison  the angry carter at first erupts . white people have been trying to hurt him his whole life  this reminder leads to anger in his head . however  as the film continues and the canadians continue to help carter we see the calm side him . he realizes that society is changing . that racism is decreasing and now carter wants to leave jail immediately and become a part of this world . very rarely have i seen such determination to perfect his role as washington has done here . if only the other actors had this same determination . dan hedaya  ridiculously plays the man who sends carter to prison twice by forcing witnesses to lie and switching evidence around . it felt like his character was taken straight out of a " scooby doo " episode ; he would have gotten away with it if it wasn ', t for those annoying little kids . " the kids " in this film are the three canadians who are terribly underused making their relationship with carter underdeveloped and unbelievable . the lawyers who help release carter also are underused  as is clancy brown as a kind prison guard ( the complete opposite of his character in " shawshank redemption " ) . there is a great amount of talent in this supporting cast but it just never appears . hedaya was superb in " clueless  " same for david paymer in " get shorty  " harris yulin in " ghostbusters " and liev schreiber in " the daytrippers . " it is a mystery how this many actors signed on to such shallow roles . on the other hand  it is absolutely no mystery why denzel washington agreed to play rubin " hurricane " carter . this role is about as far off from shallow as you can get .
pos [ note : after claiming otherwise  my appetite was indeed whetted by kenneth branagh ', s hamlet to search out other attempts to translate shakespeare to film in hopes of finding a better mousetrap . as it happens  it didn ', t take long . ] is there a more romantic director than franco zeffirelli ? known mainly to american audiences as the man behind 1968 ', s romeo and juliet ( required viewing for many high schoolers  and as much as most ever learn of shakespeare )  he is also a favorite at the metropolitan opera  where his achingly beautiful designs further the already lush emotion of many a puccini aria . last year he gave us his beautifully realized version of jane eyre  one of the twin peaks ( with wuthering heights ) of romantic literature . it might seem peculiar  then  that zeffirelli ever had an interest in translating hamlet for the screen . at first blush  hamlet is far removed from romance . the hero  though a prince  is depressed  conflicted and confused . the ostensible love interest gets little screen time  and her scenes with her prince are usually as an object of mockery . the plot is full of political intrigue and the players are as cursed as the house of atreus . it is zeffirelli ', s genius  however  that he is able to expose the romantic core of hamlet and give the sometimes dry tale an emotional embrace . in this italian master ', s hands  romance is everywhere -- in a son ', s worship of his father  in the bonds of deepest friendship  in the private thoughts of young lovers  even in the mystery of castles by the sea . after all  the story hinges on a ghost  and what could be more romantic than that ? what seemed like a cheap way to sell tickets at the time turned out to be one of the most romantic gestures of all  namely  hiring then - reigning hollywood hunk mel gibson to play the lead . who could believe that the man who made his mark playing mad max and a " lethal weapon " ( in the series of the same name ) would have the skill to succeed in the most famous role in the english language ? franco zeffirelli  that ', s who . and it is apparent in every frame that his instinct was right on the money . what gibson brings to the role is a naturalness and ease which makes the whole story meaningful  not to mention comprehensible . his line readings sound spontaneous rather than rehearsed . his movements and gestures ( excepting his sometimes too active eyes ) are totally in keeping with the character . this is a hamlet whose pain we feel  whose struggle we empathize with  and whose death we mourn as sincerely as horatio at film ', s end . glenn close  the other big name in the production  also does well by the script and satisfies as hamlet ', s mother  gertrude -- though i must confess i ', m still trying to understand the character as written . ( zeffirelli ', s incestuous interpretation of hamlet ', s relationship with his mother doesn ', t help . ) alan bates makes a believably evil claudius without resorting to the mannerisms of a hollywood heavy . by and large the rest of the cast performs admirably and comfortably . of special note are the cinematography by david watkin and the score by ennio morricone . both support the realistic mood marvelously ( as do the sets and costumes )  without any overstated effects that declare " this is important ; this is shakespeare ! " i particularly appreciate that the words are often spoken without any music at all : the melody of a wonderfully wrought phrase is given its due . perhaps it is difficult to call edited shakespeare " definitive . " and there are certainly quite a few other filmed versions of hamlet that i have not seen . but if you ', ve ever felt the urge to overcome your fear of the bard  this hamlet is an excellent place to start .
pos the happy bastard ', s quick movie review me tarzan . . . you happy viewer . for a minute there  i thought i was going to be groaning over the release of disney ', s latest  another adaptation of a legend from the past . ( remember the pathetic pocahontas ? yikes ! ) but guess what - disney  a company that ', s been on a roll lately with animated films  strikes again with another wonderful tale that pleases the eyes as well as the inner kid in you . the story is pretty basic - tarzan is left orphaned and a female gorilla who ', s lost her young adopts him into her group . as he matures into a much older man  tarzan still wonders just why he ', s so much different from the clan  and then arrives a hunter  a professor  and the professor ', s lovely daughter  jane - who meets tarzan rather quickly after getting in trouble with a group of feisty babboons . from there  tarzan faces tough choices - should he stay with the ones that he grew up with or go join his own kind in england ? the voicework here is pretty top - level . tony goldwyn is very convincing as the ape man ; minnie driver adds a delectable touch to the already - beautiful jane ; nigel hawthorne makes for a pretty nasty hunter voice ; rosie o ', donnell keeps the laughs rolling as tarzan ', s best ape friend terk ; and wayne " newman " knight has his moments as a panicky elephant . the movie is superb throughout  mixing a great script with incredible computer - assisted visuals . when tarzan tree - surfs ( a twist that was added on top of the same ol ', vine swinging - and a great one  i might add )  the camera twists and turns  allowing the trees all around to come to life vividly . i couldn ', t believe my eyes - disney has come a long way since starting in a ballroom for beauty and the beast . and the music ', s not half bad  either . fortunately  there ', s no ridiculous singing characters here  just a great set of songs by phil collins that perfectly fit the mood . there ', s some great action sequences here as well  including a wonderfully done chase between tarzan  jane  and the aforementioned babboons . but  of course  it ', s not all action - there ', s a message here as well that has to do with family . this is easily one of disney ', s best animated films of the decade and it ', s one i can ', t wait to put in my home library . . . that is  if my vcr still works in the year 2000 .
pos one of the funniest carry on movies and the third with a medical setting . the main story is about dr . james nookey ( jim dale ) who is disliked by his superiors  frederick carver  head of the hospital ( kenneth williams )  and dr . ernest stoppidge ( charles hawtrey ) who seems to dislike everyone . they attempt to cause him as much trouble in the hospital as possible and all the blame is laid on nookey . carver learns of a possible job opportunity from wealthy ellen moore ( joan sims ) on a distant tropical island and gets nookey trannsferred there . when nookey arrives at this island  he meets gladstone screwer ( sid james ) who has lived on the island just about all his life . screwer is in possession of a wonderful slimming drug made from natural ingredients . dr . nookey returns with the drug to england and sets up a new slimming business with ellen moore ', s financial backing . however  nookey and moore face opposition from screwer who goes to england to cash in on the drug  and carver and stoppidge who want to know the ingredients to create a rival drug . the performances are all very commendable . sid james has a slightly ambiguous character to play this time and he excels in his role . kenneth williams  as usual  plays the unpopular and cunning head of the hospital . joan sims is entertaining as the wealthy benefactor and jim dale should really head the cast with his excellent portrayal of bumbling nookey . charles hawtrey plays an ', out - of - character ', role as dr . stoppidge  the nasty and evil practitioner who wants to knock nookey off his perch . some critics have said that this combination of hawtrey and stoppidge does not work well  but i think that it at least gives hawtrey a new part to play instead of the usual dimwit characters . as a matter of fact  hawtrey is suitably cunning in the part . other regulars in the movie include hattie jacques as the matron yet again ( but this part is probably her most boring ', matron ', ) and barbara windsor as nookey ', s love interest and unofficial ', women ', s lib ', campaigner  goldie locks . both jacques and windsor play their parts well . patsy rowlands appears briefly as miss fosdick  and there are very small cameos from wilfrid brambell ( from ', steptoe and son ', fame ) and peter butterworth . the jokes are mostly very funny  the story is quite appealing  and the regulars seem interested in what they ', re doing . although it is another medical carry on movie and some of the jokes are borrowed from previous movies  it still comes out on top ( it is the best medical carry on ) because of the above factors . a must - see carry on movie .
pos whenever writer / director robert altman works in a specific genre  he has the tendency to rewrite it on his own terms . he made the west dirty in " mccabe and mrs . miller " ( 1971 )  he parodied hard - boiled detective stories in " the long goodbye " ( 1973 )  and he transformed a cartoon into flesh and blood with " popeye " ( 1980 ) . the same holds true for his most recent film  " the gingerbread man  " which reinvents a genre that has developed at an exponential rate over the last five years : the john grisham movie . by the time " the gingerbread man " was completed  there was very little evidence that it was ever based on a story by grisham . there ', s no idealist young lawyer ala tom cruise  matthew mcconaughey  chris o ', donnell or matt damon  and it doesn ', t feature a great showdown in a courtroom . instead of being a grand ode to the powers of the legal profession  " the gingerbread man " is a rain - soaked  southern gothic noir thriller with wildly eccentric characters  a twisting plot line  black humor  a somewhat bleak ending  and even altman ', s trademark full - frontal female nudity . the central character of the film is rick magruder  who is unlike any of grisham ', s other lawyer heroes . he is older  experienced  and rich ; he drives a cherry - red $ 80  000 mercedes that never gets dirty  even in the incessantly pouring rain of savannah  georgia  where the story unfolds . rick is in the midst of an ugly divorce with his wife  leeanne ( famke janssen )  and he rarely gets to see his two children  jeff ( jesse james ) and libby ( mae whitman ) . a reason is never given for the divorce  but it isn ', t hard to surmise that rick ', s womanizing had a large part in it . whenever he ', s late to pick up the kids on his visitation days  leeanne always assumes it ', s because he ', s been " screwing around . " after an office party celebrating another of his court victories ( he hasn ', t lost in eight years )  rick becomes involved with mallory doss ( embeth davidtz )  one of the catering waitresses . he drives her home because her car has been stolen  and they end up in bed together . rick finds out that mallory is being terrorized and stalked by her slightly psychotic father  dixon doss ( robert duvall )  a grungy  stringy  bare - footed old man who leads a commune of other greasy old codgers . it was actually dixon who stole her car that night  and when rick asks why  mallory replies that he always does " weird " stuff like that . as another character puts it  dixon is " a few beers short of six - pack . " rick ends up convincing mallory to have dixon brought to court and tried for competency . he succeeds with information dug up by clyde pell  a private investigator friend ( robert downey jr . )  and testimony from mallory ', s begrudging ex - husband  pete randle ( tom berenger ) . dixon is put in a mental hospital  but his commune buddies succeed in breaking him out . from there  the story delves into kidnapping  murder  double - crossing  and even a hurricane that adds an ominous cloud of constant violence to the action . altman ', s cinematographer  changwei gu  gives the film a dark  soaked look . if it isn ', t night - time  at least it ', s raining . gu shoots the interiors  which are almost all dark wood paneling  with a minimum of light . a great deal of the action takes place in the leafy georgia backwoods  which altman uses to create an acute sense of dread and vulnerability . in the city there is danger enough  but when rick has to venture into the woods  you can almost feel him leaving all hope of civilization behind as he literally enters another world . altman has worked in just about every conceivable genre  from westerns to epic dramas to comedies . but  no matter what the genre  he is always sure to give it the altman stamp  which usually consists of all kinds of idiosyncratic quirks and little details that are often missed without repeat viewings . " the gingerbread man " is no different  although his style is much more restrained here . however  without those little touches  the film could have easily slumped into a routine action / thriller . a great deal of the credit for the film ', s success can be given to the actors  especially branagh  who rarely works outside of period pieces and his own direction . here  the british actor consistently maintains a serviceable southern drawl  while making an essentially contemptible character interesting and sympathetic . rick is an extremely flawed man  but branaugh brings real humanity to his character . without it  the entire film would fall flat because so much of it is reliant on the audience feeling rick ', s pain and frustration . the supporting actors also put in fine performances  including embeth davidtz  who is probably best known for her heart - breaking role as the jewish maid in " schindler ', s list " ( 1993 ) . tom berenger provides some gruff comic relief  and robert duvall spends most of his on - screen time just looking weird . it doesn ', t seem like he does much because he has very little spoken dialogue  but watch him closely during the film ', s one courtroom scene : his entire performance is in his eyes and his body language  and few actors could have pulled it off without being either silly or overbearing . while " the gingerbread man " isn ', t in league with altman ', s greatest works like " nashville " ( 1975 ) or " the player " ( 1992 )  it is nonetheless a solid piece of genre filmmaking  which may prove a successful vehicle to restart his somewhat lagging career . some critics love to stamp films like this as " commercial  " as if altman can only maintain artistic integrity if his films are aimed at a tiny audience and don ', t make money . altman has done something much better : he took what could have been a generic movie  and by investing artistry and effort  he made it into something more .
pos " remember what the mpaa says : horrific and deplorable violence is ok as long as you don ', t say any naughty words . " featuring the voice talents of matt stone  trey parker  mary kay bergman . rated r . filmmakers jump on real - life controversies faster than austin powers on felicity shagwell . the debate on whether cinema is to blame for teenagers turning into hoodlums has only begun to heat up  and already someone ', s made a movie about it  and it ', s not  thank god  a tragic account of a family ripped apart by the effect violence in films had on a teenage boy . instead we get a sharp  biting satire that takes no prisoners and leaves no conservative point of view unscathed . based on a popular ( and controversial ) cable tv show  south park : bigger longer and uncut can finally break loose of the shackles placed on the show by television restrictions and take bad taste to brand new heights . the movie is about a group of kids who sneak into a canadian r - rated movie and learn some naughty words . when they exhibit their new knowledge to their moms  they decide to " blame canada  " wage war against the neighbor country and execute " terrence and phillip  " the flatulent actors in the obscene film . the kids form an alliance they name " la resistance " ( with the accent on the third syllable of " resistance " ) to save their favorite thespians  in a hilarious spoof of ( tribute to ? ) les mis ? rables . in a subplot  one of the characters ( kenny  who else ? ) dies and goes to hell where he meets satan . satan and saddam hussein are lovers  you see . satan is a benevolent soul  while our favorite eastern ruler can only think about sex . apparently  too  if terrence and phillip are executed it will be the final sign of the apocalypse and satan can emerge from the deepest bowels of the underground kingdom to rule the earth . aside from being a brilliant satire  south park is also an all - stops - out musical  with unforgettable numbers like " shut your f * * * ing face uncle f * * * er " and " cartman ', s mom is a big fat bitch " . almost invariably it ', s funny stuff : often juvenile but always funny . the same can be said for the rest of the movie : it ', s intelligent but delivered in a sophomoric manner ( i . e . toilet humor  endless profanity  etc . ) . not that there ', s anything wrong with that : vulgarity  when done right  is my bag  baby . trey parker and matt stone  the twenty - somethings behind the film and the show  paint a bulls - eye on the motion picture association of america and proceed to be the first to start trying to hit it . cruelly mocking the fact that the mpaa ', s rating system will allegedly tolerate grotesque violence as long as obscenities aren ', t uttered  the auteurs throw some nasty one - liner insults their way . the ratings - a - plenty association isn ', t the only target of this unsparing banter : people who favor censoring movies over gun control are equally fair game  with the " blame canada " plot being a not - so - cheap shot at them . the distinctively low - tech " cardboard " animation is oddly effective  even more so than the state of the art " deep canvas " technique aptly demonstrated in the recent tarzan . it ', s more pleasant to look at  less intimidating up on the screen  and most importantly it doesn ', t detract from the film ', s concept as much as disney ', s admirably awe - inspiring work does . the show ', s popularity has been waning as of late  and perhaps this movie is just the thing to boost its ratings . perhaps not . having seen the show on numerous occasions  i can say that it ', s not nearly as smart or as funny as this movie . the series may be better off simply continuing on the big screen every couple years . parker and stone have outdone themselves to the point where i am forced to ask : must the show go on ? ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
pos for this review and more  visit clear illusions ( www . clearillusions . com ) the majority of scary movies signal the fact that a character is about to meet their demise with cheesy music  worn out dialogue such as " i ', ll be right back  " or simply with the overall tone of the scene . how about a classic john denver song as a death signal for a change ? that ', s the kind of bursting originality that allows " final destination " to invade the viewer ', s mind  even days after seeing it  making one pause before ever entering a dark room  taking a shower  or even going to sleep . the unique and horrifying thriller is the best thing to happen to the slasher genre since 1996 ', s " scream . " " final destination  " directed by james wong and penned by jeffrey riddick  glen morgan  and james wong  the latter two being writers for the t . v . series " the x - files  " is a movie with wonderful ideas  and executes them effortlessly . it ', s rare a film of this nature can grab an audience ', s attention these days  as the genre has seem to be completely worn out ? ? ` but " final destination " has more in store for one than one can imagine . unlike " halloween " ', s michael myers or " nightmare on elm street " ', s freddy kruger  " final destination " ', s killer is of the supernatural  the dark one himself  death . the intriguing premise is as follows ; a portion of a senior class is set to travel by air to paris for their class trip . after boarding the plane  one of the students  alex browning ( devon sawa ) dreams of their plane exploding into flames just after takeoff  killing everyone on board . once waking up  alex gets himself and six others off of that plane  all of who seem to be rather confused by the entire happening . shortly after their departure  the plane takes off  and guess what ; it blows up in middair . now  alex  and fellow survivors  who consist of friend clear waters ( ali larter )  enemy carter ( kerr smith )  carter ', s girlfriend terry ( amanda detmer )  the goofy billy ( sean william scott ) and his brother tod ( chad donella )  and teacher  ms . valerie lewton ( kristen cloke )  are in extreme danger  as it seems they have cheated death by getting off of that plane  and now death wants them . the number of survivors starts to peel back quite quickly as death goes around offing those who got off the plane ? ? ` but who is next  and how will death get them ? " final destination " is a film that is unbearably suspenseful ; always making the viewer frantic  as death will strike in the most unlikely of times . john denver ', s " rocky mountain high " being played pretty much warrants another death ? ? ` everyone on that plane learned the hard way . although it ', s usually given whose life will be taken next  the intensity and unpredictability of the film never fades  because you don ', t know when death is coming . like the characters in the movie  i was constantly nervous and shaky during " final destination " . the slightest noise or movement nearby would send me a mile into the air ? ? ` and yes  the film is that intense . the cast is surprisingly effective and up to par ; the best ensemble in this genre since " scream . " the characters have multi - dimensional personalities for a change  and for the most part  you highly sympathize with them once death starts to come their way . devon sawa and ali larter are the main focus of the film  and both actors follow up their well written characters with even better performances  that  like the " scream " movies did for their cast  will launch them into superstardom . kerr smith and kristen cloke are also impressive  although the two don ', t posses as much screen time as the leads . " final destination " is one exhilarating  exciting ride . any age should be able to enjoy the complexity and eeriness of the film  and should find an edge to it that most slasher films lack . for the blood loving moviegoer  " destination " contains buckets of blood  guts  and all that good stuff . " final destination " is a film that is destined to become a cult classic among horror fans  and a sleeper hit at the box office . hands down to the first film in years that has actually scared me . by scare  i don ', t mean making me jump  or making me wonder if i ', m in danger  but by scare i mean a film that stays locked in your mind  absorbing you  leaving one question that ', s constantly on your mind : is death coming for me ? the bottom line : make " final destination " your destination .
pos errol morris  critically acclaimed director of the 1997 documentary fast  cheap and out of control  vaults to new heights with mr . death . this film  an examination of the life and work of controversial execution equipment designer and revisionist historian fred a . leuchter  jr .  is sure to draw audiences out of their malaise  stunning even the more jaded minds among us . don ', t let the film ', s cheesy dissuade you . following this sideshow of horror - lab special effects we are plunged quickly into a non - stop exploration of the weirdness that is leuchter ', s life and mind . morris follows the trail of leuchter ', s madness with appalling lucidity  revealing in a surprising and frightening way what most of us could have guessed to begin with : this leuchter guy is seriously messed up . virtually raised within the american penal system by a father who worked within prison walls  leuchter seems to have come somewhat naturally into his profession ; designing and maintaining execution equipment for state penitentiaries  in spite of his lack of credentials . after a moderately successful career making electric chairs and designing gas chambers and gallows  leuchter came to the attention of neo - nazi and revisionist historian ernst zundel  who was facing criminal charges in germany for publishing his ` theory ', that the holocaust never happened . morris ', s interviews are surprisingly congenial  drawing the subjects into a carefree banter that gives them more than enough rope with which to hang themselves . zundel speaks to the camera as though it were his mensch . leuchter seems completely at ease  sometimes jovial . part of this effect may be due to morris ', s new interviewing machine  called the interrotron  which is responsible for creating eye contact between the subject and the interviewer . this was the first time morris had used the device  and the results are startling . combine the irony of these interviews with leuchter ', s reenactments and reels of creepy stock footage of his trip to auschwitz and birkenau  not to mention a haunting clip of thomas edison electrocuting an elephant  and you ', ve got one compelling and disturbing documentary . while this film isn ', t for the feeble - minded or weak - hearted  it is a valuable addition to the cultural landscape . aside from a few dragging minutes toward the end of the piece  morris has given us a fresh look at a dismal subject and i  for one  feel bettered by the experience .
pos summary five liberal iowa graduate students share a house and carry on a tradition of a large sunday dinner . for a year now they have been inviting a guest for dinner and discussion . on this occasion one of the roommates  pete ( ron eldard )  brings home a stranger who picked him up when his car broke down . the stranger is zack ( bill paxton ) who appears like a decent enough good samaritan . nothing could be further from the truth . after some dinner conversation it appears that zack is  among other things  a racist " you know my grandfather once said that if he knew you coloreds were going to be so much trouble we ', d have picked the damn cotton ourselves "  and an anti - semite . an argument escalates at the dinner table and leads to violence . after zack assaults marc ( jonathan penner ) and pete  zack is killed . the roommates are at odds with what to do . marc  pete and paulie ( annabeth gish ) immediately wish to call the police . luke ( courtney b . vance ) and jude ( cameron diaz ) suggest something different . after more discussion they agree to dispose of the body and cover it up . they do not want to be sent to jail for what they feel was a justifiable homicide . when it is done the roommates realize that it was easier than they thought . so easy in fact that they decide that every sunday their dinner guest would be someone who opposes of their views . if they all agree that the guest deserves to die  they will poison them and bury them in the back yard . the back yard fills up rather quickly  its ', victims including ( among others ) a right to life extremist  an anti - environmentalist and a homophobe . by the time the roommates get to their tenth victim they begin to question their methods . are they giving the guests a chance ? are they even giving them good food anymore ? this film is what i like to call a " hidden treasure " . this film is such a pleasant surprise . a well written  devilish satire that is funny  sexy and original . this film should be a hit  but i guess the fact that it apparently had no marketing wouldn ', t give it much of a chance . i had never heard of it until i saw a copy at my video store . stacy title does a wonderful job directing . she somehow finds the time to give all of the characters enough screen time to develop a distinct personality . > from the five members of the house to other key characters including sheriff stanley ( nora dunn )  the local law closing in on the truth  and the dream dinner guest  norman arbuthnot ( ron perlman )  a rush limbaugh clone who should be the roommates easiest kill . perlman gives the films ', best performance . he finds the right note as the right wing big mouth who simultaneously offends and gains followers  and may just inadvertently talk his way out of death . the other actors are convincing as well  as all of the roommates deal with their murderous ways . some of the characters appear to be heading down the road towards insanity  while others grieve their decisions . when friends ask me to recommend a movie  this is usually the first one i think of . i am not saying that this is my favorite movie ( although it is in my top ten )  but because the film was such a wonderful surprise  i have a fondness for it . i also try to recommend films like this : ones that have not been seen by many people  but should .
pos i can already feel the hate letters pouring in on this one  folks . i loved the wedding singer . but it gets worse . if i so much as mention titanic in the same sentence . . . hell  same paragraph as the wedding singer  i ', m bound to be lynched . well lynch me then  because i thought adam sandler and drew barrymore had the most convincing chemistry in recent memory  with titanic as the only exception . right away  you ', re ready to discount my review  aren ', t you ? you ', re thinking that i can ', t possibly know what i ', m talking about . after all  this is adam sandler right ? ? ? well  there ', s more . . . i actually got choked up  and more than once . yes  the man who brought us billy madison and happy gilmore was able to bring sincere tears to my eyes . but before you shrug me off as an imbecile  i urge you to see the movie and see for yourself . the wedding singer is the story of robby hart ( sandler )  a 1985 rock star wannabe whose soul achievement in life has been performing cover tunes at wedding receptions for the past five years or so . but when his own wedding results in a no - show for the bride ( angela featherstone as linda )  robby begins to re - examine his life  and wonder why true love doesn ', t exist for people like him . in the process of performing at these receptions  robby meets a waitress named julia  played with wholesome sweetness by drew barrymore  whose reputation is anything but this character . julia too is engaged  and when robby finds himself without a wife  his free time allows him to help her plan her own wedding  seeing as how her fiance  the " miami vice " loving glenn ( matthew glave )  doesn ', t seem all that interested . as the time goes by  we learn the reason glenn is do dispassionate about the wedding - he ', s merely marrying julia to prevent a breakup  something he wants to avoid even if he does sleep around with tons of other women . it ', s obvious that robby is going to fall for julia and feel a strong need to rescue her  but what is a lighthearted romantic comedy for ? this isn ', t sleepless in seattle  but i ', d actually compare it to that before i ', d compare it to happy gilmore . while the wedding singer maintains some of that post - snl cornball humor  its sincerity and charm carry it a very  very long way . sandler is great in his role  and yes  if you allow it  you can take him seriously . barrymore seems perfect along side him  and although the two more likely represent gen - x moronism and party - girl ditzism ( respectively )  the two go together like bread and butter as a mid - eighties couple . one scene in particular  where julia ponders the future in a mirror  is so well done  i was on the verge of tears . unfortunately  sandler is going to make a lot of people shrug this one off as a no - brainer  but it ', s got so much surprise substance packed inside that i ', m encouraging everyone to go see it . in fact  the entire theater applauded when the film ended  and laughs were so consistent  some jokes were probably missed due to the uproar . the 1985 setting was milked for everything it was worth  and for those of us that are old enough to remember it  it was a bodacious trip back ( and done very well ) . sandler shows a new side to himself while maintaining all his original charm ( or is it anti - charm ? ) . while the wedding singer only deserves three stars due to artistic merit  grading it on pure enjoyability would give this one four stars . it ', s hilarious  and it ', s touching . it ', s got that great cheezy humor  but it also takes sandler to a higher level than anyone expected . this is one to see again and again . is it possible the wedding singer could be one of the sweetest romantic comedies of 1998 ? my " magic 8 - ball " predicts it is certain .
pos hollywood is a pimp . a fat  cigar - smoking chump wearing a fur hat and 12 gold chains around its fat  hairy chest . all of its stars and starlets are an evil brood of scum - sucking vampires looking for the next percentage take  the next summer blockbuster  the next casting couch to audition on . pumping out comic - book adaptations  terrible sequels to mediocre films  and remakes of foreign films to the nearest american movie multiplex mall theater equipped with thin walls and bad sound systems . how much longer can the works of peckinpah  fassbinder  fuller  castle  preminger  and lee be placed and forgotten in the wrong sections of the local blockbuster stores ? how many more silver and weinstein films can we enduring in this stinky  decaying state of american cinema ? but now  from john " i don ', t give a shit what you think about my movies " waters  comes the siren call to all frustrated filmmakers and aficionados : cecil b . demented  a warped and twisted tale of how far a filmmaker will go to create a personal vision of internal and social revolution . stephen dorff  in a career - defining role  is cecil b . demented  a crazed director devoted to making the most radical underground film . together with his film production cult  the sprocket holes - who wear tattoos of peckinpah  lee  fuller  castle  anger  fassbinder  preminger on various parts of their bodies as badges of honor  they kidnap a hollywood movie starlet  played with perfect ridiculousness by melaine griffith  and force her to take the starring role in demented ', s film . with no budget and no contracts for extras  demented and his crew take to the streets for production of raving beauty  a crass terrorist film about an angry owner of an independent theater and her brood out to destroy the mainstream film business . using " ultimate reality " - with real bullets  real people  and real terror - demented and his crew of misfits attack a mall theater  terrorize the maryland film commission and crash a movie studio shooting a certain sequel to a really annoying tom hanks film . demented ', s crewmembers are maimed and killed  popcorn machines are used for target practice  and no one can have sex until the film is complete . it ', s like bowfinger  only  you know  good . the film moves with zigs and zags like the magic bullet of kennedy ', s assassination . the zeal of demented ', s cause catches quickly and conveys the urgent message of " doing something  anything  for the accomplishment of artistic motivations . " the crewmembers all hold the quirkiness common in water ', s previous films - pink flamingos  hairspray  polyester  pecker -- and speak in the choppy  jaded dialogue used frequently by waters . it is as if water ', s script strips away the unnecessary dialogue common to most pretentious indie films and just delivers the goods . cecil takes such warped avenues of expression that it seems like it might actually outdo itself . you can see how a major studio might take this film  re - edit it  cut a deal with the remaining crew members who are still alive  and make a few sequels  a la the blair witch project . but that ', s for the future . overall  the ride is fantastic ; it ', s one of water ', s best films to date and this year ', s fight club for filmmakers . director / writer : john waters starring : stephen dorff  melaine griffith  alicia witt  adrian grenier  larry gilliard jr .  mink stole  ricki lake  kevin nealon producers : john fielder  mark tarlov  anthony delorenzo  joe caraccio jr .
pos back in 1998 dreamworks unveiled their first computer animated movie " antz " . the film was critically acclaimed  and went on to gross almost $ 100m dollars at the domestic box office . again in 1998 they released their traditional animated film " the prince of egypt " and it named an instant classic  and became a huge hit as well . on a winning streak  they released " the road to el dorado " and it wasn ', t as big as they hoped  but still did ok  then they had the fantastic " chicken run " in the summer . now in 2001 dreamworks has released what i can safely name  one of the top five best animated films . shrek ( mike myers ) is about a loving  green ogre who lives in the woods of duloc by himself . surrounded by fairy tale characters  he hopes somehow he would escape from everyone . the ruler of duloc is the short  heartless lord farquaad ( john lithgow )  who is offering a reward to all the fairy tale creatures  if they are captured and arrested . of course many of the owners turn them in for gold and silver  but one of those creatures is donkey ( eddie murphy ) . a regular donkey  except he talks and has a definite attitude  after his owner tries to disown him  he escapes into the woods  and runs into shrek . lord farquaad however  has different plans and makes all the fairy tale creatures in the woods near shrek ', s house . to get his property back  and his life back shrek must rescue princess fiona ( cameron diaz ) so lord farquaad can be a king . shrek wants his property back  but he never thought he would fall in love with princess fiona . " shrek " is such an amazing film  that while watching it you can ', t help but just smile the entire time and wonder why that other production company can ', t make movies like this . the animated graphics are so great  that they look every bit of realistic . i saw previews for this film all last year  and i thought to myself wow  what a great movie this will be . i must say i was not disappointed at all  and the film is the best of 2001 so far  and will go down on my best of 2001 list at the end of the year . the voice talents are brilliant as well  with the comic genius mike myers . in the past he has been a wayne  an austin  and a person married to an ax murderer . now he is shrek  not only does he do the voice talent . . . but he is shrek . with his irish accent  and he lovable personality  shrek becomes a friend to the audience and warms your heart . eddie murphy who showed his voice talent in 1998s " mulan " does another bang up job here  and he is the comic relief in the film . the tones of his voice  the lines he utters  and the jokes he gives  he even outdoes the comic genius of robin williams in " aladdin " . the always beautiful cameron diaz gives the voice of princess fiona and she does a great job as well . she is very funny  and her character fits her to a t . of course the best supporting voice is john lithgow  who is personally one of my favorite actors . he as the bad guy lord farquaad does a great job in being both sinister and funny at the same time . at times i was so amazed by the computer graphics  that you can ', t help but just start looking at backgrounds . there is many hidden jokes in the film  and even reflections of light on the screen like a camera . " shrek " is a definite kid film  but not just a kid film for it is a film for the entire family to enjoy . there are many adult jokes in the film that the kids won ', t get  but the parents will be laughing . believe me though  everyone will be laughing the entire way through . in the end  " shrek " gives a very important message to it ', s audience to enjoy and be who you are . everybody out there is beautiful in their own way  even though it may be inside . there ', s not many words that can praise " shrek " enough  but my words to you is to stop what you are doing and see this movie now .
pos " say  any of you know how to madison ? " --- brad " asshole " majors ( barry bostwick ) shows just how unhip he is after watching the kooky transylvanians wrap up their ode to the time warp in the cult classic the rocky horror picture show . the story behind the rocky horror picture show is one of legend . in the early 70 ', s  stage actor turned first - time playwright richard o ', brien decided he wanted to make a musical homage to the crazy b - movies he had grown up with as a child  set to a bunch of catchy rock tunes of his own design . the result was the stage play the rocky horror show  which opened to fairly decent reviews in london in 1973 and was even hailed the best musical of 1973 by prominent drama critics in england . the play was so successful that the film rights were immediately snapped up and production on the film began a mere year later  in october of 1974 . the film version ( now titled the rocky horror picture show ) was released in 1975 . . . and immediately tanked at the box office . whether it was because fox wasn ', t quite sure how to market it to audiences or that audiences didn ', t quite know what to make of it themselves has never really been determined  but the one common bit of knowledge about the film was that it was a huge flop . it seemed that the infectious spirit brought about by the stage version had not been infused into the film version and fox quickly had it pulled from theaters . a year later  something entirely strange and magical happened . prints of the film started to be distributed to theaters in small amounts and were circulating at midnight shows across the country  and it was then that a whole new audience found the film . this new audience was prone to dressing up like the characters from the film  acting out segments in front of the screen as the movie played  yelling rude comments at the screen  and just generally having a good time . word quickly spread about this new phenomena of interactive film and the rocky horror picture show ', s life as the ultimate cult film was born . for the virgins out there who are unaware  the plot centers around a loving couple  brad majors ( barry bostwick ) and janet weiss ( susan sarandon )  who come from a small town called denton . brad and janet have just attended the wedding of two of their friends and decide that they also want to be wed . they plan a trip to see the man who led to their meeting  dr . everett scott ( jonathan adams  who played the narrator in the original stage version )  but their car gets a flat on the way to his home . remembering a castle they had seen back a few miles down the road  they decide to walk there and see if the residents have a phone they might be able to use to call for assistance . the castle is actually the home of a race of aliens from the planet transsexual ( in the galaxy of transylvania )  who are lead by the eccentric fishnet - stocking wearing mad scientist dr . frank - n - furter ( tim curry ) . frank - n - furter has masterminded the secret to creating life and has done so in the form of rocky ( peter hinwood ) . as rocky becomes accustomed to his new environment  brad and janet find themselves at the mercy of frank - n - furter ', s mad schemes . little do any of them know that the doctor ', s handyman  riff - raff ( original author richard o ', brien )  and domestic  magenta ( patricia quinn )  are actually transsexual planetary protectors who have been sent to stop frank from spreading his alien evil all over the earth . going back and revisiting this film after ten years ( 1990 being the first time i had ever seen it )  it is amazing to me that this film ever got made or has had the staying power that it has . if i had been a fox executive around the time of its release  i don ', t think i would have known what to make of it either . for all intents and purposes it is a bad movie ( though bad in a really good sort of way )  but sumptuous production design and a great deal of incredibly catchy songs really help to increase the likability of the film . by the time the credits role  it is fairly easy to have gotten wrapped up in the film and its characters  and one really gets the feeling that richard o ', brien definitely was a fan of the old cheesy b - movies his film is based on . when i say that the wall - to - wall songs are catchy what i really mean to say is that  once you hear them  they will be ingrained in your head for all of eternity . it goes without saying that the " time warp " is the most popular song in the film . even people who have never seen the movie know of that particular song . what those who haven ', t seen the movie don ', t know though  is that there are even more songs in the film that are just as worthy of acknowledgment . my personal favorite is " over at the frankenstein place "  but " dammit janet " is also maddeningly catchy . tim curry ', s vocals on the rocking tune " sweet transvestite " need to be heard to be believed . the finale of the film  a big floor show staged by frank - n - furter and featuring most of the cast in garters and fishnets ( including barry bostwick . . . frightening ! )  features no less than four songs ( " rose tint my world "  " don ', t dream it "  " wild and untamed thing "  and " i ', m going home " )  all of which are immensely singable . the film ', s true popularity and longevity resides in its audience participation though . despite the catchiness of the songs  this movie would have been long forgotten about if it hadn ', t have been for the multitude of folks who dress up every friday or saturday night to rush out and be a part of their own little floor show . watching this film at home is nothing compared to actually experiencing this in a theater with hundreds of rabid fans ( unless you don ', t mind inviting friends over and letting them shoot water guns in your home or letting them throw rice and pieces of toast all over the place ) . note : director jim sharman brought back to the central characters of the film  in the form of a sequel  resulting in the very much forgotten film shock treatment  which picks up with brad and janet ( this time played by cliff de young and jessica harper ! ) as contestants on a game show in their home town of denton . the two are menaced by the evil tv station manager ( also played by de young )  who wishes to claim janet as his own . o ', brien returned as a writer / performer on the project ( as did quinn  campbell  and gray in performance capacity only )  but the film had nowhere near the spirit of the original . 25 years later  this film is still the pinnacle of cult filmdom and is continuously screened at midnight all over the world . as a lasting testament to the longevity of the film and its legion of fans  a brand new special edition 2 - disc dvd set has been released that is the most comprehensive compendium of rocky horror to date ( even out shining the laserdisc special edition that was released for its 20th anniversary ) . if you are one of those people who can ', t get enough of the film  this disc should be more than enough to satisfy your appetites . in an attempt to recreate the interactivity of the film  fox home entertainment has released this wonderful 2 - disc dvd set loaded with so many extras that it ', ll take a good eight hours just to take in the majority of it all . the film itself is located on the first disc and has been given a beautiful transfer that shows it in its original aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1 ( enhanced for 16x9 televisions ) . the film is presented in two different versions  the us theatrical version and the uk version which adds a musical number during the finale called " superheroes " . for ambitious viewers  the disc also includes a hidden version ( located on the main menu by clicking left from the scene selection menu choice and highlighting a pair of lips in the lower left corner ) which presents the film in the manner it was originally supposed to have been seen . originally  the film was to have been similar to the wizard of oz  with the first half of the it seen in black and white ( and not changing to color until the transylvanians are first revealed to brad and janet during the time warp musical number ) . most reports  including a documentary on the disc  say that the color was supposed to appear when frank - n - furter first shows up in the elevator  but it does seem to work better where it was placed on this version  depicting the vast difference between the world brad and janet were used to compared with the one to which they are introduced . the film contains a commentary track by show creator ( and faithful handyman ) richard o ', brien and co - star patricia quinn which is fairly enjoyable ( and quinn immediately starts off by refusing to speak about sarandon nearly contracting pneumonia while having to walk around wet and half - naked on freezing cold sets  which she apparently complained about the entire film and in future interviews ) . the two seem like old friends and have great stories to tell  but they also point out cast members that are sadly no longer with us anymore ( and there are quite a few ) . fox has also tried to recreate the feel of attending the film in a theater with several audience participation segments . the first feature ( and the most simple ) is a subtitle prompter which lets you know when to open up on people with your water guns or when the right time to throw your toast is . the second feature is an audience participation track  which lets you in on what you might hear on a good night out at the show . most of the comments are unintelligible because it is basically just a large group of people screaming their heads off  but every once and a while a comment can be heard that will invoke a bit of laughter . the final participation segment uses a technology very much like the technology used on the matrix dvd  where a pair of lips will appear on - screen during certain scenes of the film ( mostly during the musical numbers ) that can be selected by pressing enter on your remote . when selected  you will be taken out of the film and into a live participation version of the scene put on during one of the many screenings that occur all over the world . once the segment is over  you are deposited right back into the film where you left off . the first disc also contains a few dvd - rom goodies for those with that particular type of dvd player . there is a timeline of the evolution from the stage play version to worldwide cult sensation  a video jukebox  a you don ', t know jack - styled trivia game ( which is about as bare bones a you don ', t know jack parody as it can be )  and a bizarre mad - libs styled word game known as riff - raff ', s story lab . links to the rocky horror websites are also available from the dvd - rom portion of the disc . the second disc features even more goodies for the person who loves extras . former lite - rock video channel turned music historians vh - 1 have allowed some of their outtake footage from the " behind the music : rocky horror " special that they ran earlier in the year to be shown here  as well as a pop - up video for the meat loaf - sung " hot patootie " . the " behind the music " segments are all very interesting  especially richard o ', brien ', s jaunt through the castle ( which is now a hotel ! ) where the film was originally shot . there are also extensions of the sarandon  bostwick  quinn  o ', brien  and meat loaf interviews . as far as extras for the film itself go  there are two deleted musical numbers that are also included here . one of which is just the " superheroes " number available in the uk version  but there is also another rare musical number presented here called " once in a while " . a series of alternate takes are also presented here  but none of them are really much of a revelation ( except for the undressing scene in which we see that patricia quinn is having a hard time unbuttoning barry bostwick ', s pants ) . for the completist who must have every little bit of rocky horror paraphernalia  a misprinted end sequence and alternate credit sequence are also presented here . rounding out the disc is a decent documentary called rocky horror double feature video show  two theatrical trailers ( proclaiming that the film is " a different sort of jaws " )  a still gallery  and two sing - a - longs ( for " toucha toucha touch me " and " sweet transvestite " ) . fox ', s special edition is the dvd set that rocky horror fans have been waiting for all their lives ( " you ', re lucky . . . i ', m lucky . . . he ', s lucky . . . we ', re all lucky ! " ) . it ', s not just amazing enough that tons of classic italian films are finally getting their recognition in the u . s .  but even long standing traditions are finally receiving their due on the wonderful dvd format . as with their excellent dvds of the abyss  fight club  independence day  and the sound of music  fox shows that they have most certainly made the commitment to provide the things that dvd lovers want . i raise a toast to them ( cue the throwing of the bread ) as i cut out the lights  sit back  and watch those disembodied lips begin to sing about b - movie tradition . [ r ]
pos in " magic town "  jimmy stewart is in peak form playing a pollster who heads to a " perfect " town to gauge their reactions on the sorts of issues that only poll - takers care about . however  as time progresses  and he finds himself falling in love with the town ( and a woman )  he begins to see that what he ', s doing is wrong . the plot is standard stuff  but that ', s not important . in a film like this  it ', s the calibre of the actors that make or break it . obviously  since stewart stars  that ', s practically a non - issue . he ', s great in the film  as usual . there ', s just something about him that always manages to be endearing  even when he ', s deceiving the town folk . you ', re always on his side  and you desperately want to see all of his goals come to fruitition . the film was directed by a longtime frank capra script - writer  and it shows . this is the type of feel - good picture that capra is famous for . by the time " the end " shows up on screen  everything has been wrapped up very nicely . there are no loose ends  and virtually every character gets a happy ending ( those that deserve one  anyway ) . in this age of cynicism  it ', s refreshing to see a movie so upbeat . " magic town " is a delightfully entertaining motion picture . if you believe all old movies are slow - paced  you ', d be well - advised to check this one out .
pos kevin smith is like a big kid . his humor is that of a sophisticated juvenile ', s . he grew up idolizing star wars and loves comic books  having also written a few . he also has a cult following  mostly composed of teenagers  college students  and smith ', s own fellow adolescent - minded grownups . smith is hilarious in person and in writing  but when he tries to be earnest and moralize  that is when he goes wrong . kevin smith is a better writer than director  and he ', ll be the first to tell you that . that might also be part of the reason why his moralizing comes across as so heavy - handed . great directors show us their theses instead of having the characters sermonize them . this was true in the overrated chasing amy  and it is true for dogma as well . that is not to say smith ', s message is a bad one . in dogma  smith tells us that problems arise when people believe beyond any doubt that their insight into god and god ', s desires is superior to anyone else ', s . basically  dogmatism is bad . changing the minds of the dogmatic is virtually impossible  and since the dogmatic believe that they have special insight  they also know what is best for you  whether you like it or not . this is not exactly a new message in movies ( see inherit the wind )  but i have no problems with recycling old ones  particularly since dogma ', s protesters are proving smith ', s point . smith ', s own problem with delivering this message is that he beats us over the head with it like we are reading a dogma for dummies book . but this is smith ', s personality  and his simplistic views neglect such adult issues as how does one interpret the bible ( or koran  etc . ) correctly ( or if there even is a correctly ) and how one settles disputes of heretofore dogmatic concerns . the story concerns abortion clinic worker bethany ( linda fiorentino ) being chosen by voice of god  metatron ( alan rickman )  to prevent the destruction of the universe by two fallen angels  bartleby ( ben affleck ) and angel of death  loki ( matt damon ) . along the way  forgotten thirteenth apostle  rufus ( chris rock )  stripper muse serendipity ( salma hayek )  and slacker duo jay and silent bob ( jason mewes and kevin smith himself ) come to bethany ', s aid . fallen muse  azrael ( jason lee )  proves to be the behind - the - scenes manipulator for all the chicanery . the logical but convoluted plot only exists as an excuse for the jokes and to make smith ', s points  and in itself  has little dramatic momentum . among the supposedly outrageous claims made by the film is that god is a woman  jesus was black  and the bible was written by a bunch of racist  misogynistic white men . of course  kevin smith does not necessarily subscribe to these ideas himself . they are a metaphor for the fears and insecurities of the dogmatic . smith says as much in his amusing disclaimer that precedes the movie . when harvey weinstein asked smith to put it into the film before cannes  smith thought it might give validation to protesters ', claims that the film was sacrilegious  but then he rethought it and turned the disclaimer into a joke . the film ', s humor is uneven . some parts are very funny as when bethany goes for a fire extinguisher when metatron makes a burning - bush kind of entrance . but many of the film ', s jokes just bomb  as in virtually anything involving salma hayek ', s serendipity . also  some of the jokes can be seen coming from a mile away . still  smith keeps the zingers coming at a sufficiently rapid pace . among the actors  fiorentino and rickman stand out by far . fiorentino virtually by herself gives the film emotional weight . damon and affleck are fairly lackluster . rock and hayek exist in the film pretty much only as comic relief as are mews and smith . but the latter duo fare much better because jay and silent bob  who recur in all of smith ', s movies  are much more in line with smith ', s brand of humor . bud cort  george carlin  janeane garofalo  guinevere turner  and alanis morissette all make cameo appearances .
pos review : ghost dog : the way of the samurai ( 1999 ) cast : forest whitaker  henry silva  cliff gorman  john tormey  gene riffini  victor argo  tricia vessey  isaach de bankole ',  camille winbush director : jim jarmusch writer : jim jarmusch rating : good shot ( stars ) languid  yet pointed and focused  ghost dog : the way of the samurai sublimely savages our cultural fascination with the mafia and the sleek  ultra - cool  cinematic image of the hitman . juxtaposing the samurai ', s honor code of feudal japan against the tradition bound modus operandi of the american / italian mafia  it ceaselessly chips away with a sculptor ', s precision at the archaic foundations of both as they lumber  dinosaur - like  to function in the modern era . director jarmusch gleefully plays the iconoclast  ripping into mafioso precepts with splashes of acidic wit . using a palate of bleached colors  jarmusch lugubriously maintains a tone of desolation that belies the many sparks of laugh out loud humor punctuating the film . he doesn ', t cater to audience expectations of hyper - colorized  stylized violence and gunplay where no one dies . the action is presented in flat  brutal codas . bullets have permanence . death has consequences . the movie rises beyond standard conventions to become a meditation on the concepts of honor and loyalty . it is an anti - movie  of sorts . there are few photogenic  empathetic characters for the audience to fall in love with . this isn ', t a film that lovingly holds your hand . there are dark  contemplative moments and the film firmly holds you by the shoulder  just so  asserting itself for all to see . the fulcrum for the movie ', s thematic balancing act is ghost dog  a mafia hitman . a twist on the stereotypical image of the mob enforcer  ghost dog is a hilarious contradiction in terms . unlike the sleek  muscular killing machines one is accustomed to  we are given an inner city black man who is overweight and slovenly  replete with chapped  dirty hands and rumpled clothing . he wears a hooded sweatshirt  which he often pulls over his head  giving him a monk - like appearance . there are no acrobatic back flips and shiny super guns in his arsenal . he uses old  worn weapons and simply goes about his tasks in economical  efficient and pleasureless fashion . ghost dog is a disciple of the old ways of the samurai  distilling the essence of his life through the filter of a book  which he reads daily  hagakure : the way of the samurai . life consists of simple pleasures for him : ice cream  warm rooftop naps and good books . ghost dog lives  as it were  by the basic tenet expressed by his book ; one should start each day considering oneself as dead . living atop an abandoned building  surrounded by his flock of pet carrier pigeons  ghost dog exists in a netherworld lacking creature comforts and friends . he craves nothing more . as he puts it late in the film  " i ', ve seen all i want to see . " he exists in a spiritual world of the mind  gaining moral sustenance from his readings . ghost dog wasn ', t always as he is presented . in several roshomon - like flashbacks  it ', s shown how ghost dog was assaulted by racist white males and beaten nearly to death until the timely intervention of a good samaritan  that " samaritan " being a foot soldier in an aging crime family . ghost dog pledges his life to the service of the man  louie ( tormey )  as repayment . after years of loyal service  ghost dog is sent  by louie  to kill " handsome frank "  a made man within louie ', s organization who has run away with the crime boss ', s daughter  louise ( vessey ) . ghost dog wordlessly executes his task  witnessed by louise  whom he spares  as she sits watching a betty boop cartoon  clutching a copy of the book  roshomon . in a bit of synchronicity  louise loans the book to ghost dog . upset that frank was taken out by someone not from the family  the mob bosses  in turn  put out a hit on ghost dog in a perverse twist of loyalty to their assassinated comrade . the rest of movie holds the dated value systems of both the mafia and ghost dog up to the light of a new millennium with many acerbic asides as the two come factions come into conflict . the theme of old cartoons flares up time and again  each time showing cartoon violence that is in sharp counterpoint to the reality of ghost dog ', s world . each time a character is shown watching a cartoon  it ', s from the same era  betty boop  felix the cat  etc .  a reflection of days gone by . near the end  louise is watching a cartoon that ', s a departure from the previously shown ones . it ', s a bit of audacity on jarmusch ', s part that is nicely effective  despite it ', s surrealistic nature . as ghost dog floats through his world  his life is touched by two people . one is a sage little girl ( winbush ) who connects with ghost dog through their love of reading . she comes to symbolize a melding of the old ways and new sensibilities  just as louise ultimately does . by film ', s end  the fact that jamusch is so effective at illustrating the tenuous bond between the two is a testament to his skill as a writer . the other person in ghost dog ', s world is an ice cream ( de bankole ', ) vendor who only speaks french  yet intuitively shares a rapport with ghost dog . the vendor is the literal stranger in a strange land . jarmusch  through rapper / composer rza  underscores his film with rap and reggae music  which at first blush seems dichotomous  but its primal rhythms serve to strengthen the fundamental nature of the movie . ghost dog seems to draw some type of strength from the rap music he listens to as he negotiates the streets in various stolen cars . ( which  in and of itself  presents another paradox about ghost ', s dog ', s sense of honor . ) the head mafioso is played by henry silva with a stone faced resignation . of all the cartoonish mobsters  he is the only one who appears self aware of his state in the world . gorman plays sonny  a lieutenant who respects the old ways  yet has a quirky affinity for rap music  a love comically shown in several impromptu displays . ruffini seems the truest reflection of the mafia . he is a husk of a man  assisted by two hearing aids  who barks out advice without truly hearing what he  or others are saying . whitaker carries the film by using what truly great actor ', s use  his face . ghost dog is reticent to speak  often going for long periods without doing so . the fact that whitaker can convey such a wide range of emotion through a gesture or look is a remarkable talent . although the film has a deliberate pace  some of the late night drives and walks taken by ghost dog dragged the momentum down . truly tragic is how ghost dog misinterprets japanese honor in his final confrontation with the mob . he reveals himself to be so desperate for spiritual guidance through the hagakure that he fails to truly adapt it to what is real and true in his world . carried on the shoulders of a remarkable performance by whitaker  ghost dog rises beyond being a characterization or icon  into a figure that garners sympathy  if not a bit of pity .
pos i rented " brokedown palace " last night blind  having heard nothing about it beforehand  and i enjoyed it immensely despite some flaws . for anyone wishing to have the same experience i would suggest reserving judgement of the movie until viewing it in its entirety . that is no easy task . superficially  it bears an unfortunate ( and not necessarily unintended ) resemblance to several other movies  notably " return to paradise " and " midnight express . " as a result nearly every review of " brokedown palace " i subsequently read became hopelessly entangled in making the obvious comparisons . the consequence was nearly universal condemnation  which is a shame as this is a fine film . for those who have yet to view the movie  let me say that it is not an attempt to portray the nightmarish reality of the third world criminal justice system ( as was " midnight express " ) nor completely the moral dilemma and examination of the meaning of friendship and humanity that was the heart of " return to paradise . " in my view  if this film is to be compared to any other source it would have to be joseph conrad ', s acclaimed novel  " lord jim . " problematically  the basic storyline seems more than familiar : two american teenage girls on vacation are sentenced to spend most of their lives in a thai prison for drug smuggling in an obvious set - up involving a suave con - man  a shadowy criminal conspiracy and a corrupt third world " justice " system . the girls are alice ( claire danes ) and darlene ( kate beckinsale ) . they ', re life - long buddies who planned a high - school graduation trip to hawaii  and then secretly changed their destination to the more exotic thailand without telling their parents . once there  they find a $ 6 hotel and go sight - seeing  which includes sneaking into a luxury hotel to sip expensive drinks poolside . they get caught trying to charge the bill to the wrong room  a minor transgression which will later come back to haunt them  but they are saved from hotel security by a charming  friendly australian  nick ( daniel lapaine )  who takes care of the bill with a more polished execution of the girl ', s scam . he then proceeds to separate the girls and make smooth moves  first toward alice  then toward darlene . by now alarm bells are going off among viewers . the ever - present nick is too slick and his stories don ', t add up ( to us ) -- the girls  of course  are too naive to notice . long before it happens  we ', re anticipating the inevitable disappearance of the fast - talking smuggler and the arrest of our teenaged sitting - ducks at the airport en route to hong kong caught holding the bag ( literally ) containing heroin . just as predictably  the thai police and courts do their part in meting out injustice and our trusting tourists are prison - bound for a long stretch . left unanswered is the red herring issue of whether one or the other of the girls was a willing accomplice . for those in need of a ready answer  might i suggest closer scrutiny of the bell hop at the girl ', s fleabag hotel . as one door after another to their comfortable former life is closed  the girls and their families turn in desperation to the noiresque expatriate lawyer / fixer " yankee hank " ( bill pullam ) and his thai - born partner - wife . a recurring element of the movie is the tension between appearance and reality as expressed in one of the film ', s tag lines  " who do you trust ?  " and hank is no exception although seasoned movie - goers and those familiar with pullman ', s oeuvre will find few surprises . much of the remainder of the movie is a smorgasbord of intriguing themes incompletely explored in short - hand fashion . lou diamond phillips  for instance  plays a delightfully sinister and callous dea agent who  while appearing to be casually accommodating to hank  withholds vital information at crucial moments . is he part of a wider conspiracy ? with an inherently powerful  if somewhat tired premise  the film offers by parts a riveting courtroom drama  a prison story  and a potential character study of american teens  their relationship  and what constitutes friendship between them . the result is reasonably engaging and suspenseful  with the girls ', interaction  hank ', s investigation  and the various trials and hearings  offering hope for their release  delivering tension -- as does the foredoomed possibility of their escape . if " brokedown palace " has a major flaw  it is its creators ', tendency  like time - constrained tourists  to take frequent side trips down fascinating alleys only to reverse direction half - way down and return to the story ', s main avenue . and  if that were all there was to " brokedown palace  " it wouldn ', t be a very good movie . but i believe the writers and director were after bigger game and  in this  they succeeded . for the main theme of the movie  like the proffered name of its location  is freedom -- in all its permutations . ultimately  the other sub - themes may be considered window dressing . young and pretty  alice ( danes ) is an old soul ; a wild  streetwise teenager with a thirst for freedom and adventure . presented as a perfect blend of yin and yang  dark and light  is her cautious best friend  darlene ( beckinsale ) . clear - eyed and straightforward  alice is more complex than her friend . she comes from a poorer background  has a reputation for getting into trouble and has lost the trust of everyone ( including her own father ) . whereas darlene ', s life is " on - track  " aimed at college  marriage  kids  a career  a suburban home  middle age and " fulfillment  " alice ', s is uncertain  unfocused  and yearning . one poignant scene in the film shows darlene shouting across an open moat to visitors -- friends and relatives from home  whose lives continue while hers is in limbo . tellingly  alice is present but not included . just as revealing of their different personalities  when alice and dar first come to thailand  the openness and delight on alice ', s face doesn ', t read as simple naivet ? ; the way she stands up and stretches as she and her friend ride along in a small boat  reaching toward the sun  she really is drinking in what she believes to be freedom  while " dar " remains seated in the shade . " brokedown palace " begins with an admission by alice of her guilt in a tape recording sent to hank . however unintentional  it ', s all alice ', s fault . she ', s responsible for persuading her friend to lie to her parents  to sneak away from the safety of hawaii to the perils of thailand  to try the petty scam which places them in the clutches of the evil nick . ( in case one misses this point in the inevitable confusion of a film ', s beginning  darlene obligingly reminds alice of her culpability in prison . ) dar  of course  is the willing dupe which  in her view  confers innocence . never mind that it was her coercion of a reluctant alice to accompany her to hong kong which placed them in police custody in the first place or that her naive confession sealed their fate . dar is innocent . it doesn ', t matter . alice is the subject of this movie . she and her journey toward personal freedom . along the way we are treated to an unsympathetic portrait of the shallow american culture which created these girls with their half - baked sensibilities and materialistic goals . in the end  that culture  like its representatives  " yankee " hank and dar ', s father ( a " man who knows how to grease the wheels " )  proves as impotent as its government in the face of the girl ', s tragedy . thailand ', s culture  contrary to most opinion  comes off much better by comparison . it amazes me that reviewers argued this point at both extremes . i believe the filmmaker ', s view was that thai culture is vastly different from the american but not necessarily inferior . the thai ( with the sole exceptions of a corrupt official and a spiteful prison spy ) were uniformly consistent in their behavior and true to their principles . the girls were shown to be treated no better but certainly no worse than the native - born . their prison ( in stark contrast to the probable reality ) was no hellhole  being relatively clean and sunlit . the prison authorities demanded good hygiene  provided medical care when needed  and " hard manual labor " consisted of picking grass ! the thai guards were authoritarian ( what else ? ) but certainly not routinely sadistic . as for the thai justice system  the reasoning of the thai judges  during both an appeal hearing and in the film ', s penultimate scene was devastating in its logic and morality . ', freedom ', has many faces and " brokedown palace " explores many of them . in the extreme  we have freedom of the body and freedom of the spirit . some settle for the former alone while others remain imprisoned with an entire nation to roam without the latter . but freedom seldom comes without a price . which is why the movie ', s other tag lines are : " what is your dream ? " and " how far would you go ? " i believe i could make a good case for the interpretation that the person who attains freedom  incarcerated or not  by film ', s end is alice . she finds redemption and salvation through the acceptance of personal responsibility . i think the light bathing only her figure among the assembled prisoners in the final scene visually signals that fact . kate beckinsale ', s character might more properly be likened to the " released " temple bird referred to twice during the film  " trained to fly back to its cage . " as the thai magistrate observed in the film ', s climactic scene  the issue was always one of " character ; " and the jamaican prisoner made it clear that " freedom " is achieved within oneself . if one thinks back over the movie  which character was transformed by their experiences ? increasingly  the cinema landscape seems to have become littered with endless permutations of ', kung fu woman "'--", female characters virtually indistinguishable from male action figures . here  at last  is the story of a modern heroine . in reading the many user ', s comments  i was struck by what seems an unusual phenomenon : whether or not a person liked the movie  almost everyone praised the actors . think about that . when was the last time you came away from a motion picture possibly hating it  but raving about all the performances in it ? do yourself a favor : rent " brokedown palace " and watch it with a open mind . there ', s more there than meets the eye .
pos everyone ', s heard about this movie  and more specifically  * the * scene . everyone ', s heard the famous barnyard animal quote squealed ( no pun intended ) over and over . and everyone ', s got to admit that they will never travel down a river again without thinking of deliverance . good ! that ', s what you ', re supposed to do ! oh  if you are one of the ones who hasn ', t seen this yet  or you ( somehow ) haven ', t heard about what happens  here ', s your spoiler warning . deliverance was a real shocker for it ', s time ( 1972 ) . major advances were being made in films  and deliverance made its own advances when it introduced a new horror into the film industry . when it was first released  it literally shocked the audiences . it was something that  for the most part  had really never been seen on the big screen before ( among wide - release films with an r rating ) . but by today ', s film standards and in today ', s world  such scenes as the one in deliverance can be reproduced in a way that isn ', t as shocking  although they can be even more graphic ( e . g . pulp fiction ) . pulp fiction did it in a way  and expanded on it in a way  that it could even be interpreted as funny . but in 1972  deliverance was no laughing matter . the story centers around a group of four atlanta men who decide to take a rafting trip down a backwoods river in georgia while the river is still there and in its glory . the initial leader of the group is lewis ( burt reynolds in his prime )  a real outdoorsman and more of a daniel boone - type then any of the others . joining him are ed ( jon voight )  bobby ( ned beatty )  and drew ( ronny cox ) . the group ', s first objective is to find someone ( s ) to drive their cars down the river to the point where they will end their trip . they make arrangements with a few mountain men  who accept $ 40 . 00 for the task . drew also has the famous " dueling banjos " competition with a local who is  let us say  genetically challenged . the men then set off down the river  with lewis  also the master at canoeing  leading the way . everything seems to be going fine  until the two canoes split up  leaving the unexperienced ed and bobby alone . they encounter two hillbillies  armed with a shotgun  who captured them . ed is tied to a tree while bobby is sodomized by one of the men . ed nearly receives the same cruelty  but lewis arrives just in time to fire an arrow through the rapist ', s back . the other hillbilly gets away  and the men have to decide what to do with the dead body . disposing of dead bodies is done rather frequent throughout this film . while attempting to make a quick " paddle for it "  both canoes tip over . drew  who was without a life jacket  was possibly shot and cannot be found . lewis suffered a rather nasty compound fracture during the incident and is in serious condition . this leaves ed and bobby . ed decides to go out and look for the remaining hillbilly  alone  with the bow and arrow . the question arises if he will be able to handle himself  as he horribly botched a first shot attempt at a deer  to which his comment " i wonder how anyone could kill a living thing " will have more meaning in the future . deliverance is definitely a wild ride ( oops  i ', m doing it again ) . it is extremely tense at some points and very dramatic . it ', s definitely one of those " must see " movies and should be considered one of the classics of its decade .
pos in october of 1997  audiences were dazzled by the horror surprise hit i know what you did last summer . the film went on to gross over 70 million dollars in the u . s .  and even developed a cult following  much like the previous year ', s 100 million dollar grossing scream . when the trailer hit theaters in september attached to urban legend  it looked like a wonderful follow - up . did it live up to the first film ? the answer is no . jennifer love hewitt returns as julie james  a survivor of the serial killer that attempted to kill her and her friends a year before . she has been so upset since the incident . nightmares haunt her all over the place  but she has to move on . she know attends college  and is best friends with a funny  outgoing girl named karla ( brandy )  who is trying to hook julie up with will benson  played by newcomer matthew settle . karla ', s boyfriend is tyrell  the funny  outgoing type  who is played by soul food ', s mekhi phifer . freddie prinze jr . also returns as ray  julie ', s boyfriend from a year ago . one morning  julie and karla are called up by a local radio station who are offering four tickets to the bahamas if they can correctly identify the capital of brazil . of course  they answer it correctly  and they are off to the bahamas . julie wants ray to come  but he declines the offer  so karla secretly invites will instead to help boost her plan of hooking him up with julie . after they arrive at their hotel  it is just them and the staff on the island . it starts off as the weekend of their dreams . something just had to come to mess up the one care - free weekend of julie ', s life though . ben willis ( muse watson ) is back  and he isn ', t letting anyone survive this time . will ray come to the rescue before he can kill them off one by one ? jennifer love hewitt and brandy turn in respectable performances . brandy in particular was impressive  considering this is her first feature film . you could see that the characters were horrified  and they would do anything possible to survive . matthew settle and freddie prinze jr . are a completely different story . let ', s start with settle . matthew is completely fake in this film . you could not believe a word coming out of his mouth . you could tell he was acting  and its reasons like him that this one isn ', t as good as the first one . he does do a good job towards the end  but that doesn ', t clear up the scars he already left on the film . freddie prinze jr . is almost as bad as matthew settle was . he is almost completely unbelievable  and the majority of his lines are completely meaningless and out of place . we don ', t see him as much as settle  otherwise he could have done just as much damage as settle did . mekhi phifer is alright as tyrell  but yet again the dialogue is out of place . the plot of i still know turns out to be a pretty good one at the end of the movie . i like where the filmmakers went with this second installment  but maybe if it occurred in the same town as the first one  it would have been a bit better . the cinematography and setting of their island are simply wonderful . there are a lot of very nice shots around their hotel . the sound is pretty good  but still not as creepy as the first film ', s . jennifer love hewitt ', s song  " how do i deal " is also played for about thirty seconds . i still know what you did last summer is nothing compared to the first film . the first film was very suspenseful  and it contained some very memorable scenes . the last fifteen minutes of i still know what you did last summer really picked up  and almost reached the same level as the first film . before this part in the film  there are many unnecessary deaths and fake scares . that is okay though  because the film is still very much fun and there are a few suspenseful scenes . i think the reason this film wasn ', t as scary as the original was because in the first one  the killer terrorized the people involved in the incident . he made them suffer for what they did . in the second film  ben willis just kills anyone he feels like . he doesn ', t stick with ray and julie  who were the ones he is actually after . he had to go after karla  will  and tyrell . if the characters he stalked were in some relation to the incident that went on when he was ran over by julie  ray  helen  and barry  it could have been much better  and it would have made a lot more sense . the bottom line - not a disappointment  but a third in the series would be out of hand .
pos brian depalma needs a hit * really * badly . since scoring big with the untouchables in 1987  depalma has seen casualties of war  raising cain and particularly the disastrous bonfire of the vanities go down in flames . consequently  it would be easy enough to consider carlito ', s way a shrewd commercial choice for depalma  reteaming with al pacino ( scarface ) and returning to the gangland ground which has yielded his two greatest box office successes . it doesn ', t hurt any that he has latched on to a solid story and brought out dynamite performances from pacino and sean penn . carlito ', s way  while hampered by depalma ', s characteristic excesses and stylistic cannibalism  is a truly tense and engrossing drama . carlito brigante ( pacino ) is a life - long criminal who finds himself unexpectedly given a second chance . in 1975  carlito is released from prison after serving only five years of a thirty year sentence when his conviction is overturned on a technicality . he declares himself reformed  tired of life on the streets and determined to fulfill his simple dream of buying into a rental car business in the bahamas . among those who find this conversion hard to believe are david kleinfeld ( penn )  carlito ', s crooked attorney and childhood friend  and bodyguard pachanga ( luis guzman ) . carlito rediscovers old flame gail ( penelope ann miller )  and seems ready to retire in peace . old ways die hard  though  and old associates pull carlito step by step back into a life he can ', t seem to shake . carlito ', s way will probably make the strongest impression with the two outstanding set pieces which bracket the film . in the first  carlito accompanies his young cousin on a drug buy which will have anyone with a pulse on the edge of their seat ; the film closes with an equally thrilling chase through the new york subway and grand central station . both highlight depalma ', s gift for choreographed mayhem  and these are not the only occasions when the stage blood flows freely . yet for all the viscera  i found the character study even more compelling . carlito brigante has a lot of michael corleone in him  an aging gangster trying unsuccessfully to go legit . but where the culmination of the godfather saga played like opera  there ', s more of an immediacy to carlito ', s way  an ever - present sense of doom launched by the title sequence which sets the flashback story in motion . you sense that there ', s no way  after so many years  that carlito can stay out of trouble . indeed  he observes that his attempt at the straight life is more a function of time than a change of heart : " you don ', t get reformed ; you just run out of wind . " pacino captures carlito ', s dilemma with surprising subtlety and the cautious observation borne of years of experience watching every corner for an enemy . sean penn is even better  turning in his best performance to date as kleinfeld . a jew in the world of puerto rican and italian wiseguys  kleinfeld is an outsider with a huge chip on his shoulder . he could have been simply pathetic  a heavy drinker and cocaine addict playing tough with guys way out of his league  but penn invests kleinfeld with tremendous nervous energy and an overwhelming survival instinct . he shows a man moving steadily towards the brink  making the moment he goes over quite jolting . as compelling as the narrative is  viewers may experience a profound sense of deja vu . depalma continues to steal shamelessly from other directors  this time adding scorsese to his repertoire with a point of view tracking shot and a copacabana scene with more than passing resemblances to goodfellas . he even recycles some of his own previous plagiarisms  like a 360 degree swing around a kiss ( vertigo via body double ) and the climactic shootout which will strike many as far too reminiscent of the train station sequence from the untouchables . from a story standpoint  there ', s an obligatory love story with a cliche ', d long - suffering girlfriend character . penelope ann miller is a good but limited actor who doesn ', t do anything new with the role  and eventually she becomes just a distraction  never integrated fully enough into the story . still  it ', s easier to be forgiving of superficial flaws when the backbone is so solid . the two principle characters held an iron grip on my attention  one all the cinematic thievery in the world couldn ', t break . carlito ', s way plays like a tragic novel : deliberate  confident and powerful . those willing to grant depalma his tendencies towards the extreme should find themselves well - rewarded .
pos i ', ve never been a huge fan of jeff bridges  but i loved him in the big lebowski . the part of jeff " the dude " lebowski was reportedly written specifically with bridges in mind  and the fit is perfect . the dude is an unemployed denizen of los angeles  a hippie slob on a bowling team with a soft spot for white russians . he ', s enjoying a leisurely soak in the tub when two thugs break into his apartment demanding to be paid for the money his wife owes . after much pleading he convinces them they have the wrong guy  but not before they urinate on his rug . the dude assumes that these " collection agents " were after another jeff lebowski  a famous millionaire who also lives in l . a . so he goes to meet his namesake to ask for enough money to replace his rug . the millionaire refuses  but calls him back when he discovers his wife has been kidnaped . he wants the dude to act as go - between for the kidnapers . dude and his friend walter ( john goodman ) take on the task  and get caught in an intricate web of kidnapers  millionaires  high schoolers  nihilists  artists  pornographers  thugs  and league bowlers . comedy is perhaps the most subjective of genres  so take my recommendation as you will : for me  the big lebowski is very funny . it is an incredibly successful comedy  the ratio of laughs to intended jokes much higher than in most films . not only are the two leads ( bridges and goodman ) funny separately and together  but each supporting character is a refreshing comic figure . all the characters end up as the butt of jokes  but the jokes are always deserved and never contrived . each person may be a comic caricature  but there is always a respectful self - acceptance that lets us laugh at these people without condescension . the characters are firmly established  and they never change their behavior for a quick  cheap laugh . it ', s not what they do that ', s funny  it ', s who they are  which is why the acting is so important  and so successful  in this movie . worth mentioning are john turturro as jesus ( that ', s jee - zus  not hay - soos )  the greaser bowler who ', s in a lusty marriage with the game ; julianne moore as the post - post - feminist artist whose work has been described as " vaginal ; " steve buscemi as the eager tagalong bowler who is constantly rebuked and ignored by teammates dude and walter ; and sam elliott as the rambling  long - winded narrator . aside from the performances  what makes all the characters funny and interesting is the astute dialogue . people lose trains of thought  they interrupt  they boast  they repeat themselves  they repeat their friends . . . they sound natural . taken with fargo  the coen brothers ', last film  it is evidence that the brothers are observant listeners and gifted writers . ethan coen is not just good at directing actors  he ', s also good at technical directing . he and cinematographr roger deakins created a beautiful world on film . perhaps " beautiful " is the wrong word ; nihilists  carpet - pissers and thugs are not objects of beauty . but the bowling photography and a series of viking / bowling fantasy dream sequences are lovingly photographed  as though the dude himself were in charge of immortalizing them on film . all around  the big lebowski is great  solid comedy . outstanding acting  writing  direction and photography all combine to make this a great comic success .
pos synopsis : captain picard and the crew of the starship enterprise disobey federation orders and defend a peaceful community of 600  the ba ', ku  from the evil admiral dougherty and ru ', afro . the enterprise crew  in the meantime  experience the rejuvenating qualities of the ba ', ku homeworld : lt . worf grows a pimple  data sings opera pieces  picard scores with a ba ', ku chick  riker shaves while sharing a bubblebath with troi  and the enterprise women note their firmer breasts . comments : " star trek : the next generation " was a hugely successful sequel tv series to " star trek  " a science fiction series which developed a devoted fan following in the 1970s . even though it still enjoyed high ratings  " star trek : the next generation " ended production after seven years so that the cast could replace the original " star trek " ', s cast in paramount ', s film franchise centering on the voyages of the starship enterprise . star trek : insurrection is the ninth " star trek " movie and the third to focus on the " star trek : the next generation " crew . star trek : insurrection qualifies as one of those movies star trek fans  such as myself  would rate somewhere between " okay " and " good . " after star trek v : the final frontier  a nearly awful movie almost as bad as the repugnant " star trek : voyager " tv series  " star trek " fans could probably swallow anything paramount throws out in the trek film franchise . i don ', t wish to spend this review comparing insurrection to the eight other trek movies . most people reading this probably haven ', t followed " star trek " anyway  so a comparison would seem tedious at best . let me  thus  make my comparisons briefly so that it ', s out of my system : star trek : insurrection is not as good as the previous installment  star trek : first contact ; star trek : insurrection ', s comic tone may be best compared to star trek iv : the voyage home ; star trek ii : the wrath of khan is still the best trek movie . okay . let ', s move to the movie itself . star trek : insurrection infuses a basic science fiction premise  humanity ', s exploration and colonization of space  with a lot of lowbrow humor and witty oneliners . this combination works well more often than it fails  but when it does fail  the humor really seems cheesy . much of this film appeals to trek fans ', nostalgic fondness for the starship enterprise ', s crew . audiences unfamiliar with trek lore may miss the significance of some plot points and may even become confused at times . star trek : insurrection begins with scenes of the tranquil life on the ba ', ku homeworld . forget the actors and special effects  the beautiful setting of this movie  with its snowy mountaintops and verdant valleys  steals the show . this tranquility  however  is broken by data  an android  who reveals to the ba ', ku that they are being secretly monitored by the federation and their alien allies  the son ', a . it seems that this world is a veritable fountain of youth  sustaining its inhabitants indefinantly in a young  healthy state . the enterprise crew  led by captain picard  investigates data ', s actions and uncovers a conspiracy between the son ', a and an enterprise admiral to relocate the ba ', ku and plunder the planet ', s youth - restoring properties . sound pretty heavy ? it is  though this plot  anything but unique and groundbreaking  is undermined by the film ', s constant barrage of humor . when going after data  for instance  picard sings an opera piece with him ( this is supposed to be cute and humorous ) . in a much more funny sequence  work grows a large pimple on the side of his nose as a result of his exposure to the ba ', ku homeworld  a pimple which his crewmates  try as they might  cannot avoid looking at . the acting in star trek : insurrection is  for the most part  pretty good . since they ', ve been playing these characters for years  those portraying the enterprise crew reassume their roles effortlessly enough . the terrific actor patrick stewart plays captain jean - luc picard and delivers a moral speech  picard ', s trademark  with his usual aplomb . brent spiner  another fine actor  plays the android data well enough again and provides the best moments of comic relief in the film ( though the old android - wishing - to - be - human motif will tire some trek fans familiar with the routine from the tv series ) . the supporting cast who appear in this movie alone are also pretty good . despite many other critics ', negative opinions  f . murray abraham ( the winner of an academy award for his performance in amadeus ) plays the major villain ru ', afro well enough . ru ', afro reminds me  somewhat  of the baron harkonnen in the 1984 film version of dune . like the baron  ru ', afro continuously has his skin looked after : it is stretched and stapled by servants . in one particularly memorable scene  ru ', afro becomes very agitated  and his facial skin splits open and bleeds . ru ', afro is no khan from star trek ii -- the best trek villain ever -- but he is much better than the forgettable dr . soran from star trek : generations . ( okay  i promise  no more comparisons . ) donna murphy must also be noted as a ba ', ku woman  anij  who picard falls in love with . murphy is not a young woman with a supermodel body ; she is a mature woman with an attractive countenance . this is the type of woman whom picard  for those who know the character well  would be enchanted with . in fact  the chemistry between murphy and stewart works very well here . a particular plot point involving anij ', s ability to slow time down  an ability which she shares with picard  becomes one of the most intriguing parts of the movie . for as good as the actors and setting were  star trek : insurrection ', s special effects were surprisingly disappointing . they proved adequate  sometimes barely  for a 1990s mainstream science fiction film  but they fell way short of the standard trek movie and paled in comparison to those seen in the trailer for star wars : the phantom menace ( a trailer which reportedly preceded many showings of insurrection ) . the space battles involving the enterprise and sona ships  in particular  seemed trite and unsuspenseful  and the final confrontation between picard and ru ', afro took place on a completely unconvincing interior of a satellite . the new enterprise itself  only seen in this film and its predecessor  remains largely unexplored  though its exterior doesn ', t look quite right for a reason i cannot explain . despite star trek : insurrection ', s frequent comic goofiness and occasional substandard special effects  i enjoyed the film . it maintains roddenberry ', s largely optimistic view of the future and rejects the gritty violence of its predecessors  particularly star trek : first contact ( though  don ', t get me wrong  the dark tones of trek films like first contact can work very successfully ) . i ', d recommend insurrection as a matinee film for a saturday afternoon  especially for fans of trek or science fiction in general . rated pg  i can ', t see this film being objectionable to the viewing audience  young or old .
pos us critic - type people are always shaking our heads and telling everyone that movies aren ', t thrill rides  but i think that " back to the future ii " is one of the few exceptions . if the original film had the spirit of the 1950s  then this has the spirit of the 80s : full of fights ; chase scenes ; cliff hangers ; special effects ; some detective work ; and of course the vision of the high - tech future . the film picks up exactly where the first film left off  with doc ( lloyd )  marty ( fox )  and jennifer ( elizabeth shue ) travelling 30 years into the future  because something bad is going to happen to marty and jennifer ', s kids . doc tells marty he must take his son ', s place at an incident that will cause a chain reaction if marty mcfly jr . says yes to griff ( wilson - in one of four different roles ) . whoever said history tends to repeat itself wasn ', t joking  especially when it comes to the movies . essentially the same chase scene that marty endured in the 50s takes place again in the year 2015  but it ', s not as authentically exciting this time because it is so obviously a parody of itself . at the end of the situation marty has changed the course of history for the better  and it seems like everything ', s copasetic right ? wrong . since when do things go according to plan in the " back to the future " movies ? there are so many minor conflicts and details that effect the plot and the direction of the story i won ', t even bother to list them all . basically we get to see marty as an old man  his house  his family  etc . we also go back to an alternate 1985  and then back again to 1955  with everything happening so fast the film never stops to catch a breath . the films ', best aspect is the fact that it actually goes back to the first movie and shows a lot of the action that occurred from another angle . it ', s difficult to convey the sense of wild and zany fun without describing every little detail . the only thing sacrificed in this film is the suspense . instead of a grand finale  we get lots of little victories . by the end everything is back to normal  but something happens that leads to yet another sequel  but it doesn ', t seem gratuitous . " back to the future part ii " is a really great adventure movie . it certainly has more originality than other films but it lacks a certain charm that was dominate throughout its predecessor .
pos magnolia left me relling from the theatre  staggering from the relentless assault of an adventurous director reveling in his craft . at nearly three and a half hours  magnolia will strike some as a brute of a film . it not only demands your attention  but challenges you to grasp the significance of seemingly unrelated storylines and hidden intentions . it is delirious  depressing  heady  pretentious  surreal filmmaking . it ', s also a movie that will polarize its viewers . director paul thomas anderson takes a talented cast  wraps them in a net of interrelated stories and sets them spinning in a symphony of despair whose song doesn ', t let up until an oddly exhilerating  biblically influenced pseudo - climax . the character ', s make up a modern day gomorrah in the soulless way in which they live their lives . there is frank mackey ( tom cruise )  a slithery snake charmer of men whose " search and destroy " seminars teach how to mentally rape a woman to get into her pants . there is earl partridge ( jason robards )  a dying media tycoon yearning to make amends for a lfe of callousness by finding his estranged son . there is game show host jimmy gator ( phillip baker hall )  a self absorbed tv icon who is hiding more than a few secrets from his public . and there is police officer jim kurring ( john c . reilly )  who cloaks himself in the codification of organized religion and the legal system  perhaps masking a man who needs rules to fuel his decision making process . given equal weight are stories involving a coke - addled emotional cripple ( melora walters )  a former tv quiz show champion ( william h . macy ) . a materialistic  adulterous wife ( julianne moore )  a child ( jeremy blackman ) victimized by a mentally abusive parent  and a caring  empathetic nurse ( philip seymour hoffman ) . hovering over all these characters is a cloud of death  lies and despair . it is not a pleasant movie . there is not one bad note in the acting . it is affecting and layered and wonderful . there is a moment where tom cruise wordlessly implodes that rivals work he has done in whole films . then he tops himself with a mesmerizing deathbed scene . walters plays her character with red - eyed rawness and a fierce self - destructiveness that is anxiety inducing . robards convincingly portrays a fading whisper of a man  who still hears a lion ', s roar when he speaks . director anderson has apparently given the actors lattitude to emote . the problem is that he stays on them too long . julianne moore ', s character  linda  quickly escalates to a frenzied pitch of guilt  tears  screaming and remorse and never backs off from it . after a few hours  it turns from interesting to chinese water torture . quite a few scenes  such as the game show  go on just a bit too long and will be off - putting for those used to a pat 90 minute film where the main theme is reiterated several times just in case you missed it the first go around . and just what is the theme ? alienation ? hopelessness ? anderson challenges you to draw your own conclusions and he doesn ', t make it easy . the film starts by showing three  strange and seemingly unrelated events . it ', s a harbinger of the synchronicity to come . at times  different stories reach reach key moments at the same time . other times  stories seem to veer off into uncharted territory  regardless of what else is happening . anderson is audacious enough to even have a group sing in the middle of the film ! what ', s surprising is that it mostly works . if you have doubts about anderson ', s intentions  i ', ll ask you to pay attention to the final frame . despite all the sturm und drang  magnolia ultimately speaks to man ', s capacity for hope and attempts at redemption . despite magnolia ', s needlessly long running time and its propensity for uneven editing as anderson plays the auteur  showing off fro the masses  i have to admire his guts . this is truly adventurous filmmaking that spits in the face of conventional storytelling . my rating : a bulleye . ( stars ) a side note : helping anchor the film is a perfectly matched soundtrack featuring aimee mann . her lyrics often add depth to a scene thematically while the actual music is both morose and beautiful . when she sings " save me " at the end  it enhances the yearning felt by the characters  just as " wise up " mirrors the anguish felt by all as they contemplate their lives .
pos a group of high school kids mix up with a group of hip - hop artists as a documentarian strives to discover why today ', s youth seem attracted to black culture . the review if black & white  the new film from writer / director james toback  is eventually remembered for only one thing  it will be the revelation that brooke shields  claudia schiffer  marla maples and mike tyson can act . however  this partly improvised gem will be remembered for more than that . black & white is a fascinating film ; it makes a statement about america ', s youth and hip - hop culture without getting heavy - handed overly serious . featuring a cast of known commodities ( ben stiller  robert downey jr . ) and hot newcomers ( singers bijou phillips )  toback ', s is a complex film worth seeing . black & white has multiple storylines that are all related to each other  a la robert altman . there is dean the basketball player ( allan houston ) who is asked to rig games for money by mark clear ( stiller ) in exchange for fifty grand a game . this eventually spills over into the life of dean ', s long - time friend rich ( power )  a gangsta who controls 20 city blocks of harlem . rich has to deal with the imminent opening of a white - owned club on his turf . meanwhile  the young white girls who like to hang around with rich and his homies get talked into being in a documentary by sam donager ( shields ) and her gay husband terry ( downey jr . ) . others who make appearances are william lee scott as the young white punk will  joe pantoliano as his district attorney father  jared leto as a high school teacher  marla maples as the mother of one of hip - hop crazed teens  claudia schiffer as dean ', s girlfriend  and mike tyson as . . . mike tyson . the stories ebb and flow through the film  losing and gaining prominence over time . friendships are lost  lovers are gained  and there is an occasional burst of violence . originally rated nc - 17 in the united states  black & white features a lot of sex between black gangstas and young white girls . while the film was trimmed down to a tamer r rating  viewers will wonder what could be more explicit than what they are seeing . the three - way sexual beginning of the film nicely warns viewers of what they are in for  and several audience members got up and left at that point . the frequent sex is one of the film ', s few flaws as the titillation is overdone and at times completely unrelated to anything else going on in the film . to toback ', s credit  the level of violence in black & white is almost nil . these gangstas and hip - hop artists are given real problems and concerns  and only become gun - toting crazies when it benefits them to appear that way . whenever a character finds himself on donager ', s handheld digital camera  he starts spouting off righteous tirades on america and proclaims his independence  but not everyone has fully bought into the idea . charlie ( phillips ) is full of bluster about why she loves hip - hop  but admits that " in ten years time  i ', ll be way over this . " these youth know they are going through a phase  and are simply enjoying it . toback fills the spaces between these tirades with scenes that are lightweight and funny . most of the humour comes from mike tyson  who provides the film ', s comic relief without really trying . he is given big words like vernacular to say  and as rich tries to discuss a particular street problem with tyson  he frequently has to ask him to use smaller words and explain himself better  playing on tyson ', s image as a dimwit . but tyson also gets the film ', s scariest moment . as he is mercilessly hit upon by the very gay terry  tyson is a marvel to watch as he fights to remain calm . the scene is entirely improvised  with downey jr . being told to just keep at tyson until he gets a reaction . the reaction he gets  being slapped and then choked is astonishing  as downey jr ', s face turns a frightening shade of purple . black & white is a film about hip - hop culture  and the film ', s omnipresent hip - hop soundtrack strongly supports this . but toback keeps things from becoming too serious ; by moving from story to story as quickly as he does  toback keeps us from becoming attached to any one character ', s struggle . thus black & white ', s message about hip - hop becomes secondary to the film itself . toback just wants us to have fun and maybe learn a little about hip - hop along the way . and we do .
pos one year has passed since the last time we saw them  and but wayne campbell and garth algar are back but  they ', ve moved out of their parents homes  and now have their own pad in an abandoned warehouse . wayne ', s still hopelessly infatuated with his girlfriend  cassandra  and of course garth is still having his own  personal growing pains . they guys are just finishing off one of their shows  and head off to an aerosmith concert where they run across cassandra and her new manager  a stereotypical industry slime not unlike the character rob lowe portrayed in the previous film . again  the promoter is not only after the money that cassandra ', s talent can bring in . the storyline quickly degrades to a parallel of the original  " guy loses chick  guy realizes mistake  and guy gets chick back . " fortunately  there is more to this movie than this somewhat sheer plot . the wit and humor in this film are surprisingly intelligent and fresh with many inside jokes on the film and music industries as well as just a lot of hilarious scenes of wayne and garth showing their true color . highlights of the movie include a spoof of jurassic park  garth ', s seduction by a married woman  a surprise appearance by charleton heston  a 1960 ', s batman setup in the guy ', s pad  and some pretty groovy chats with jim morrison and some " naked indian guy  " an unexpected lip - sync of ymca ( you could see that one coming a mile away ) and of course a hilarious parody of those badly - dubbed kung - fu movies we love to laugh at . and if you ', ve ever wondered why there ', s always boxes of watermelons  chickens  and people walking plate glass in the middle of streets  you ', ll find out here . this movie also explores wayne and garth a little more . garth has somewhat of a " coming of age " and wayne gets to learn a little about himself ( with a little help from our old friend  jim morrison ) . a few old jokes from the previous movie are explored here again  but this time with a few twists to keep them fresh  and luckily  few  if any of them are overused . overall  the movie has plenty of continuity flaws ( especially in the fight scent between garth and cassandra ', s dad )  but these are easily overlooked as this is  after wayne ', s world . the plot is flimsy but manageable . there are a few special effects  but they are fairly seamless  and fill nicely into the plot . the acting is good  for this sort of movie  but there are some very bright spots . in the big picture  this movie is just plain fun . there is lots of intelligent humor that makes this film special . during the whole one hour and 40 minutes  i didn ', t even think about looking at my watch a single time . silly  but riotous at times  this is an excellent movie even better than the original .
pos john carpenter directed this stylish and gory vampire flick to which has it ', s good side and it ', s bad . it ', s held up by some good performances and dazzling special effects leading up to an ending that ', s pretty satisfying . james woods gives an outstanding performance that almost covers up the movie . the good side : some neat scenes of vampires and violence . the bad : no scares . yes that ', s right  even though being directed by one of horror ', s most cherished directors  ', vampires ', is the least bit scary  if not at all . james woods stars as jack a vampire hunter out to stop the plans of the ', master ', vampire valek played by thomas ian griffith whom wants vampires to walk in the daylight . daniel baldwin plays his sidekick montoya  a wise - cracking guy who really isn ', t that funny . in the opening scene jack along with montoya and the team of vampire hunters  find an abandoned house to which vampire occupy . of course we all know sunshine kills vampires  and that is just how they kill these vampires : hooking them to ropes and dragging them outside letting them burn to death . after throwing a party for what happened  the vampires that did not die come back to trash it . they kill almost all of jack ', s team  leaving only a few alive . sheryl lee plays a prostitute katrina who was bitten by valek  but not yet turned into a vampire . she is rescued by jack and ? flees with them on their search for valek . they have to fight they ', re way against vampires  leading up to a finale that is well - done with great special effects . ', vampires ', definately could have been done better . the make - up  special effects and story are first rate  but there is no scares or terror that the film could have had . it to me had more humor than horror  almost being compared to ', fright night ', with the mix of violence and comedy . john carpenter does a great job of directing this film . he eases through some tough times and saves the flaws  which are noticeable but forgettable . the script is clever and funny  with many lines that make us laugh out loud . i much enjoyed ', vampires ', with a few exceptions . it ', s one of those films you see but don ', t take to heart . you enjoy the time you spent and go on . the recently released ', psycho ', is the same way  it ', s not as good as you ', d hope but it is fun and entertaining . ', vampires ', is a good horror flick with no scares but plenty of other content to please the viewer .
pos in the wake of the smashing success of " rumble in the bronx  " it ', s looking more and more likely that more jackie chan films will see american release . rumor has it that one of these films will be drunken master ii . the version i have is a copy from the laserdisc ; it ', s widescreen and bilingually - subtitled  as are most hong kong films these days . availability over here in the united states is very limited ; these films must either be purchased via pirates or sought out from asian distributors such as tai seng . the subtitling on the copy i have is slightly hard to read ; the letters are white and a bit small . although the american release will almost certainly be dubbed  this review is of the subtitled version  so please keep that in mind if you ', re reading this review to help you decide whether to go out and see it . to be fair  i must admit that i ', ve never been very fond of " period - piece " martial arts movies -- the ones set in some nebulous china of the distant or not so distant past . perhaps it ', s because most of those i ', ve seen were filmed on inferior stock  with either butchered dubbing or all - but - illegible subtitling  or perhaps it ', s because their plots all tend to be very similar to each other and  in many cases  all but nonexistant . in fact  many of them get so wrapped up in their subplots that they seem to forget their main plot entirely until only a few minutes before the end . or  for that matter  it might be because the jackie chan films with more modern settings ( armour of god  rumble in the bronx  etc . ) tend to have more spectacular stunts  often involving large motor vehicles and large explosions  whereas period pieces simply have the martial arts . having said that  i must now turn right around and say that drunken master ii is a remarkable exception to all or most of the above  is one of the better martial arts films i ', ve seen  and i quite enjoyed it . surprised ? well  so was i . drunken master ii is about a young man named wong fei - hong ( played by jackie chan ) who is a master of the drunken boxing style of kung fu . where he learned this style is uncertain  as his father  wong kei - ying ( ti lung ) is steadfast in his opposition to fei - hong ', s practicing it rather than some more normal style of kung fu . apparently  fei - hong is some sort of figure from chinese folklore  rather like paul bunyan is for americans  but i ', ve heard very little about this  and could quite well be wrong  so i ', ll leave analysis of that to the people who know it better . one of my friends points out that the character of wong fei - hong is also featured in the " once upon a time in china " movies  but i have not yet seen those . the plot of drunken master ii is somewhat hazy  as are the plots to many such films  but if you ', re watching a jackie chan film  odds are you aren ', t expecting something on the order of " war and peace " . the story seems to revolve around those evil foreigners who are spiriting away ancient chinese relics ( and hence  china ', s cultural heritage ) while overworking  underpaying  and beating up chinese workers in a nearby steel mill . however  this plot merely serves as a framework for the other main story of the film -- fei - hong ', s perpetual struggle to win his girlfriend  supplicate his father  keep his ( pregnant ) mother ( played by anita mui ) from fighting  and keep from getting beaten up by evil foreigner thugs . the macguffin that drives the plot ( s ) is a precious antique jade imperial seal which is being taken away by the evil foreigners . in the beginning  fei - hong accidentally steals it while trying to recover an identically - wrapped box containing the medicinal ginseng his father was bringing back for a customer . in the process  he clashes with another thief  who is himself trying for the seal but ends up instead with the ginseng . after fei - hong narrowly avoids getting caught with the seal by the evil foreigners ', lackies  thanks to some timely intervention by a general ', s son ( a cameo appearance by andy lau  who would later take on the starring role in drunken master iii ! )  comedic chaos ensues back at the wong household when fei - hong and his mother attempt to come up with a replacement for the missing ginseng . and so it goes . and the plot thickens later on  such as when fei - hong ', s girlfriend maneuvers him into a kung fu match with a rival  or when fei - hong and the thief  now revealed to be a loyalist manchu officer trying to recover the seal and stop the evil foreigners  are attacked en masse ( another grand kung - fu movie tradition )  but i think i ', ve already spent more time on the plot than it really deserves . let ', s move on to the real draw of jackie chan movies . . . the action . there ', s plenty of martial arts action to be found in this movie . . . of course  in a kung fu film  that ', s to be expected . however  this isn ', t just another kung fu movie ; this one has jackie chan doing the fight and stunt choreography  and jackie chan is a genius . the primary martial arts " style " featured in the film is drunken boxing  a form of kung fu which attempts to draw the adversary off his guard by making it seem like the fellow using it is drunk . further  for the purposes of this film at least  drunken boxers fight better when they actually _are_ intoxicated . . . but there ', s a fine line between just drunk enough and drunk into a stupor . under normal circumstances  the idea of someone staggering around looking sloshed but managing to fight effectively and even incredibly might seem rather stupid  but jackie pulls it off with flair . the kung fu sequences are so intricate in their staging and execution that it is pointless to try to describe it on paper  so i ', ll just say that the fights -- especially the big climactic fight at the end -- in themselves make the movie worth watching . another thing drunken master ii has going for it is the stunt work . even without motor vehicles ( well  not counting a train )  there are some remarkable stunts in this film . among other things  jackie dives off a balcony into a table and crawls across hot coals ( not once  but at _least_ twice  if you count the outtake shown during the credits ) . ( quicktime movies of these stunts can be found through the www movie database . ) unlike in american films  these stunts are _not_ faked . drunken master ii stars several veteran actors of the hong kong movie scene  including jackie  ti lung ( " a better tomorrow " 1 & 2 )  and anita mui ( the " heroic trio " series  " rumble in the bronx " ) . the performances are first - rate  especially when it comes to the comedy parts of the film . the scene where fei - hong and his mother conspire literally behind fei - hong ', s father ', s back to cover up for the missing ginseng root is hilarious  as is the scene where fei - hong ', s mother  having just revealed that she is pregnant  is threatening to hurt herself ( in order to draw her husband ', s anger away from fei - hong ) . jackie has developed his knack for physical comedy into a sort of mastery over the years  and he ', s in fine form all through drunken master ii . as far as cinematography is concerned  it certainly works for this film . it ', s nothing spectacular  but is at least a dozen times better than all those old kung fu movies of the 70s . the picture is crisp and clear . one thing i find particularly worthy of mention is that  at least in the copy i have  the screen was wider than any film i ', ve ever seen on videotape before -- almost a whole 1 / 3 of the screen was blocked out above and below . ( watch this on a bigscreen tv or movie theater if you can . ) it will be an utter shame if this film is eventually pan - and - scanned for american video release . drunken master ii shows the full potential of " period piece " kung fu movies  and it ', s good enough to overcome even my usual distaste for such movies . the plot does meander a bit  but that ', s to be expected in this type of film . if you like this kind of movie  you ', ll love this movie  and if not  well  give it a chance anyway . if nothing else  the martial arts and stunt sequences are by themselves worth the price of admission or rental .
pos at first glance  three kings looks to be just another war movie  the 90s version of all those favourite war movies with names i cannot remember . the 90s version  it definitely is  just another war movie ? not in your dreams ! imagine pulp fiction approach to saving private ryan  that \x12 s three kings for you . believe it or not  it bears the cool of the former and the stark humane meaning of the latter . the story brings us to the twilight of the gulf war  with the allied troops victorious . majpr archie gates ( clooney ) leads an enterprising bunch of grunts to a rather unorthodox post - war looting spree ; the millions in gold bars secretly stowed away by saddam in a desolate village in the desert . as the rest of the troops are celebrating their victory and getting ready to be shipped home  this ` wild bunch \x12 goes awol on an armed hum - vee ( the vehicle of choice of the us army ) . they soon find out that they have much resistance  as they get tangled with the local rebellion against saddam \x12 s forces . frequently switching their modes between looters and robin hood \x12 s merry men  they become consciously attacked by their own morals . as the film begins to roll  it seemed to have a rather ` light \x12 mood to it . ` special \x12 effects such as when gates describes to his men how a bullet can kill simply paves the way for a light - hearted funny action movie . three kings is much smarter than that . as the conflict becomes more and more complex  the audience will be trapped in a limbo  trying to stay focussed on that light - mood / serious - mood that the film seem to portray . i personally found this analogous to the same feelings of the main characters involved in the film ; trapped between their initial plan paved by greed and their own sense of humanity . this simply made the entire experience of watching three kings truly brilliant . action sequences are not shot as your old - fashioned war films nor anything like steven spielberg \x12 s in - your - face war violence . they are carefully built to generate tension with just the right tight close - ups and pauses  right before the action starts . not john woo for sure but more of sergio leone \x12 s spaghetti western style ( tons of them starring clint eastwood ) . great performances by clooney and wahlberg but the brilliance have to lie in the conception of this film ; the screenwriter and the director . three kings ranks among the best films of the year  well  for me at least . highly recommended .
pos mickey mouse had better watch his back -- there ', s a new critter in town  and he ', s the nameless animal attraction of " mouse hunt  " dreamworks skg ', s clever first foray into family fare . although it runs out of steam towards its end  this live - action comedy still boasts enough energized slapstick and inventive set pieces to best disney ', s entire 1997 non - animated  kiddie - oriented catalog . . . but consider that list includes dismal tripe like " air bud  " " flubber " and " that darn cat  " and it ', s really not such a difficult feat to pull off . still  throw the two rodents in a boxing arena  and i ', ll be hoping that the mouse from " mouse hunt " knocks some sense back into mickey . nathan lane ( robin williams ', significant other from " the birdcage " ) and lee evans ( last seen as a nervous bellhop in " the fifth element " ) play ernie and lars smuntz  befuddled brothers who have just inherited two unwanted assets from their late father ( william hickey  in his last role ) -- a dilapidated old string factory and a dilapidated old mansion . although lars made a deathbed promise to upkeep the former  he and ernie decide to sell the latter for big bucks after learning it was designed by a famed architect . but there ', s a lone obstacle in their way -- a single mouse lives within the walls of the house  and he ', s not about to give up his place of residence without a fight . movies aimed at young audiences are rarely this visually exquisite . the effects blending the talents of 60 - some live mice  one animatronic mouse and one computer - generated mouse are pretty seamless . the splendid production design seems to be straight out of tim burton ', s mind ; the smuntz ', s architecturally - unsound mansion is like something straight out of " the nightmare before christmas  " and the vortex of bizarre machinery in their factory resembles some of vincent price ', s warped contraptions from " edward scissorhands . " " mouse hunt " is a pretty dark movie -- even some of the humor can be grim -- but it ', s hardly ever mean - spirited . the star of the show is neither the top - billed lane nor the titular mouse . it ', s lanky british comedian evans  whose hysterical bodily antics suggest a cleaned - up jim carrey without the obnoxious overkill ( note a toned - down but nonetheless outrageous impromptu striptease ) ; evans ', banter with the ever - affable lane is funny stuff  too  and holds its own against the movie ', s more flashy physical shtick . vicki lewis ( beth from " newsradio " ) is solid in a supporting role as lars ', money - grubbing wife . and in a nifty bit of novelty casting  christopher walken is a macabre delight as a spooky exterminator who takes his job a little too seriously  popping a dropping into his mouth and noting to his tape recorder that the mouse has a " calcium deficiency . " blech . a basically one - joke idea -- a mouse outsmarts a couple of bumbling humans -- is given a rather engaging execution . their sparring is imaginatively realized ( i don ', t think i ', ll ever forget the sight of that tiny little mouse making his getaway on a rolling wheel of gouda )  and although you really never fully root for either side  that ', s okay -- a warm - and - fuzzy union between the two parties is practically promised from the first frame they share . " mouse hunt " may take a while to get going ( the rather lengthy set - up could test the patience of some of the younger children  although i rather liked it  much in part to lane and evans )  and the climactic sequence is allowed to play out for a bit too long  but this appears to be one family movie that most members of the family will be able to find agreeable  not unlike the original " home alone . "
pos a miracle of filmmaking  " some like it hot " is a brilliant film  and maybe the foremost example of slapstick comedy brought to screen with clever sight gags and plot twists . it is the pinnacle of writer - director billy wilder ', s career  a stunning feat considering the vast catalogue of films he had helped make . jerry ( lemmon ) and joe ( curtis ) are two stage musicians who go from gig to gig  trying to earn enough money to feed themselves . one night  as they ', re playing at a banned prohibition speakeasy  the place is raided . as it turns out  the owner  spats columbo ( george raft ) was ratted out by toothpick charlie ( george e . stone ) . several weeks later  on valentine ', s day  jerry and joe go to a garage to pick up a car and end up witnessing a gangland murder of charlie by columbo in a parking garage . eager to escape  the duo are forced to take a job in florida with all expenses paid . the only catch . . its a girls band . so josephine ( curtis ) and daphne ( lemmon )  make their way onto the train and go to florida . on the way there  they meet sugar kane ( monroe )  a bombshell singer who is looking for love . jerry and joe immediately fall for the singer  but there ', s two problems : 1 ) they ', re in drag  and 2 ) millionaire osgood fielding ( joe e . brown ) falls madly in love with daphne . what follows in pure hysteria  still complicated further by the arrival of spats columbo to florida for the " italian opera lovers festival " . tony curtis is hysterical as joe / josephine  especially in his preposterous attempts to woo sugar . marilyn monroe  in a wonderfully comic performance  is sugar  providing incredible timing and sex appeal  along with true sincerity . the scenes  however  are all stolen by either brown or lemmon . lemmon is hysterical as daphne . cast as the less rational one  lemmon ', s performance is ridiculously crazy  it is disorder in the style all billy wilder ', s . brown is particularly hilarious as osgood  as we are treated to the finest kind of comedic irony . he manages to use lemmon ', s ingenious performance as a springboard for an even loonier performance as a completely eccentric millionaire . every set - piece is flawless  as wilder brilliantly changes settings constantly  and uses every comic trick in the book to make his picture . wilder ', s script is stunning  as he carefully combines gangsters  cross - dressing  romance  sex  music  gender roles  and social taboos in a riotous blend of wit and oddball craziness . wilder manages to create scenes of utter hysteria  so pitch - perfect that the audience is dying of laughter with the last comic piece  the final line of this absolutely incredible film . wilder ', s is dead wrong when he says nobody ', s perfect : billy wilder is  especially when he makes something this disastrously funny . nobody ', s perfect but billy wilder .
pos a welcome cinematic trend over the past couple of years has been to make the works of shakespeare more accessible to the younger audiences who are the vast majority of moviegoers by contemporizing the bard and altering the settings to familiar surroundings . a prime example of this is 1999 ', s 10 things i hate about you  which was basically the taming of the shrew in a high school . less successful was last year ', s adaptation of hamlet with ethan hawke as the heir apparent of the denmark corp . here the setting was the corporate world of new york . now comes o  a faithful retelling of one of the most tragic of shakespeare ', s tragedies . like 10 things i hate about you  the stage is a high school - a private prep school where odin james ( mekhi phifer ) is the on - court general  the basketball team ', s standout player . julia stiles  featured in 10 things i hate about you as well as performing ophelia in hawke ', s hamlet  plays desi brable  odin ', s girlfriend  whose father also happens to be dean of the institution . josh hartnett ( pearl harbor ) is on hand for the villainy  playing the scheming hugo  who sets the tragic wheels in motion . o was actually filmed a couple of years ago  but was shelved because of the columbine high school tragedy . the movie  directed by tim blake nelson - best known for his co - starring role in o brother  where art thou ? - and written by brad kaaya  is very grim . an air of tragedy weighs it down from the opening scene to the closing credits . and that is how it should be . of all of shakespeare ', s tragedies  othello is the most harrowing  not because of any body count  but because of the psychological havoc wreaked by iago  whose motivation in the sheer pleasure of his treachery . kaaya ', s profane - filled script - after all  these are high school kids - does offer hugo a subtle motive of sorts . the young man considers himself the basketball team ', s prime utility man who does a little bit of everything - pass  shoot  rebound - but is constantly in the shadow of odin . plus his father  the team ', s coach - played with a ferocious intensity by martin sheen - showers more love and concern on his star player than on his own flesh and blood . the script follows the familiar lines of the classic . hugo begins dropping hints to odin concerning desi ', s fidelity  eroding the star ', s confidence in those he considers closest to him  affecting both his relationships and his game . it all ends in blood  of course  which is why the movie was originally shelved . the performances in o vary . phifer is at first cocky and self - assured  emotions he handles with ease . he also does quite well displaying odin ', s darker side ; his defensive sensitivity about being the only black at the institution  his growing distrust of those he loved  his rage and the erosion of his belief system . hartnett is appropriately cool and machiavellian as he weaves his deadly web of lies and deceit  turning friend against friend  and lover against lover . stiles seems a bit stilted  but occasionally also rises to the occasion  moving from adoration to confusion to fear of her young knight . the film does contain a few missteps : a subplot involving hugo ', s theft of the school mascot is left hanging . also desi ', s actions concerning michael ( andrew keegan )  odin ', s former teammate and best friend who was kicked off the team because of one of hugo ', s machinations  is puzzling . why she would continually be seen with michael - however innocent the circumstances - when she knows her man suspects the two of cheating behind his back . it is irrational . but these are minor carpings . overall  o is a stylish and faithful adaptation . if nothing else  it may encourage some people to read the original text  and that will counterbalance the severity of this feature .
pos there is a scene early in soul food  george tillman ', s comedy - drama about a large african - american family and the ordeals they go through during a crisis  that caught me completely off guard . during a wedding  the groom is flirting with some tramp  and in an attempt to to prevent a scene  his mother in law  played by irma p . hall  comes to the rescue . the way in which she does this makes me think irma p . hall is one of the greatest actresses around right now . however  this is just one magical moment in a movie filled with them . vanessa williams  vivica fox  and nia long star as three sisters who have each gone their own way in life . williams is teri  a successful lawyer  who is frustrated by her husband miles attempts at a music career . fox is maxine  the strongest of the sisters  which can be confirmed by the stability of her marriage and the wisdom of her son ahmad  who narrates the film . long is bird  a hairdresser who is the last of the three to get married . her husband lem is an intense passionate individual whose temper gets the best of him sometime but never stops loving . at the center of everything is irma p . hall  as big mama jo . every sunday  the family gathers together for dinner at mama jo ', s house . there is lots of conversation  lots of laughs  and the occasional controversy . mama jo presides over the family like all mothers should . she is stern and disciplined  but also caring and forgiving . everything is going fine  until a tragedy befalls mama jo . all of a sudden  a chain reaction of events begin to destroy the family . it gets so bad  sunday dinner is even cancelled . without mama jo ', s guidance  there is noone to keep the family together  which frustrates ahmad . miles and maxine ', s marriage begins to fall apart  as he focuses on his music and flirts with the troublesome faith . lem ', s temper gets the best of him when his convict past starts to catch up to him . and teri tries to prevent maxine ', s efforts to sell mama jo ', s house . the third act of the film deals with ahmad ', s attempts to patch things up . he decides to take over where mama jo left off  and tries to get the family back together for one more sunday dinner . the acting by everyone in the ensemble is outstanding  with special notices to irma p . hall and brandon hammond . hall gives a performance that deserves to be recognized by the academy . her mama jo is one of the most memorable characters i have ever encountered in a movie . brandon hammond is an actor with a bright future . he is wise enough not to play cutesy and shows an admirable range and depth  and speaks the final lines of the movie on the perfect note . tillman obviously based this movie on his own memories of growing up . every scene in the movie is purposeful and convincing ( except maybe an odd flashback sequence ) . the dialogue is beleiveable and funny . and then there ', s the food . tillman gives us several close ups of the soul food  and it indeed looks very tasty . i can see why sunday dinners became such a tradition for this family . soul food is one of the most purely entertaining movies of the year .
pos director david fincher has such an eye for detail which is very rare in hollywood these days ( terry gilliam comes to mind as another one ) . film is one of the best art forms because not only can you tell a story  but you can use the camera to capture the smallest detail and have it mean something . but most directors seem to go for action with the slightest ounce of a story . so whenever a director uses the camera to its fullest potential  the film almost automatically deserves a good review . and when they add a fascinating story to it  you have nearly perfect entertainment . fincher ', s the game is no exception to this . the game is one of the most interesting and complex films to come out of hollywood in a long time . fincher hasn ', t made a film since " seven  " his box office and critical hit which defied expectations and became one of the best movies ever . so it is about time he made another film . and what a ride it is . the game isn ', t quite as powerful as " seven  " but in some ways it is better . overall  the game could have used a little more clarity  or a little more uncertainty . it walks a line of insanity and reality  but it never goes either way until the very end . the outcome is satisfying enough for the preceding events  and it makes a lot of sense once everything is set straight . unfortunately  unlike " the usual suspects  " we are never given enough information to figure out for ourselves what is happening  whether it be true or false . however  this also gives the film a frightening aspect which the game uses to the fullest extent . the game is told completely from its main character ', s point of view . nicholas van orton ( michael douglas ) is a high - strung and isolated businessman . he lives alone in his giant mansion  divorced from his wife elizabeth  and is celebrating his 48th birthday ; the same age at which his father committed suicide at  in the same mansion . for his 48th birthday  conrad ( sean penn )  the rebel of the family  gives nicholas a gift certificate to crs : consumer recreation services . " it will make your life fun again  " his brother promises . as skeptical as nicholas is  he is somewhat intrigued  and annoyed by the lack of information -- something this businessman hates . seeing a billboard in an office  he decides to visit the mysterious company . jim feingold ( james rebhorn ) greets nicholas and guides him through the sign - up process  which consists of psych - tests  physicals  emotional responses  and other mind games . " each game is suited to each person ', s emotional and psychological needs  " explains feingold . one day  nicholas gets a call from crs and they explain that he failed the tests . even more intrigued and now somewhat angered at the time he spent signing up  he starts asking around to see what people can tell him about the company . what he doesn ', t realize is that the game has already begun . the phone call is just the first of many strange events to be thrown nicholas ', way . how he finds out that he is involved has to be witnessed because it is amusing and fun and visually impressive . the detail involved in fincher ', s shots is incredible and almost requires a second viewing just to appreciate the effort that went into them . with " seven  " fincher had almost every single shot mean something . he also has the unique ability to make you look at exactly what he wants you to . compared to " seven  " though  the game is light and comical . because of this film ', s sense of humor and self - awareness  nothing can be taken quite seriously . so don ', t try to make much sense of what goes on in the game  because it doesn ', t want you to . what does make sense is the final revelation -- when everything becomes apparent and clear . if taken as it is  the game ', s ending makes complete sense . but if you try and critique every minute detail  then you get yourself into plot holes and incredibility . perhaps that is the reason i docked the film . while trying to remain realistic and plausible  the plot is too unbelievable to create any real tension on screen . we don ', t really care if douglas ', character lives or not because it isn ', t believable . the ending requires you to have believed anything that has happened previously  but if you suspend disbelief and take the film as it is  you can accept the game as an emotionally and psycholically disturbing thriller . michael douglas gives a terrific performance as nicholas . douglas has played lonely businessmen before  but here he adds another level to his performance . his character  who is normally level - headed and relies on facts  is forced to trust nobody . can he believe the waitress he bumped into ? what about his brother who got him involved in the game in the first place ? douglas portrays this aspect of his character extremely well  and gives one of his best performances ( even better than his " falling down " persona ) . the supporting cast is essential in this film  and casting was critical . sean penn is always good  and he gives yet another credible performance as douglas ', brother . deborah kara unger ( from " crash " ) is the waitress he bumps into  and her performance is extremely good . in fact  she almost steals the film from douglas . james rebhorn portrays his character very well  and adds some confusion and desparation to douglas ', predicament . another good performance comes from armin mueller - stahl ( from " shine " ) as the book editor . but considering that douglas is in every single scene of the game  he not only commands this cast  but makes this distant and lonely character come to colorful life . the game is rated r for language  violence  some gore  and some nudity and drugs . what is essential for this film to work is the writing . john brancato and michael ferris have woven a confusing and compelling screenplay with witty dialogue  and some very funny moments . this screenplay will probably get an oscar nomination for best original screenplay because it does almost exactly the same thing the usual suspects ', did . however  the visuals of the game are enough to make the viewer enjoy the vexing plot . and if you can get yourself to believe everything occuring on the screen  you will be thoroughly entertained by one of this year ', s best films .
pos originally launched in 1978  this popular film was re - introduced in 1998 to a whole new generation of moviegoers . based on the mighty successful musical from broadway  grease was followed in 1980 with the less stellar grease 2 ( 6 . 5 / 10 )  starring a young michelle pheiffer in one of her first feature film roles . plot : high - school musical set in the 1950 ', s showcasing the relationship between the cool danny zuko of the t - birds ( travolta ) and the innocent and pure sandy olsen ( newton - john ) from australia . the film follows the couple and their vivacious friends during their last year at rydell high through song  dance and humour . critique : fun - loving  energetic and innocent look back at times much simpler . this movie effectively juggles a thin romantic story line and the overall experience of the 1950 ', s  with a superb soundtrack and some great dance numbers . admittedly  i am somewhat biased in this opinion  since this film blasts me into my past as a rebellious youth ( grease was one of schmoe ', s first big - screen experiences  and every other scene sends me reeling into the times of my elaborate grease bubble - gum card collection )  and the lesser responsibilities that i possessed at that time . but apart from the nostalgic vibe  i was still extremely impressed by this film  as it continued to amuse me  despite my previous dozen or so viewings . this film took john travolta from a dim - witted " sweathog " on tv ', s welcome back kotter  and transformed him into a movie - star of spectacular proportions ( saturday night fever ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) in 1979 confirmed that sudden popularity ) . unfortunately for the rest of the cast  his popularity was not terribly contagious  despite their effective showings in this classic movie . on the down side  some of the absolute innocence in this film might bore or turn people off ( like when sandy sings about " drinking lemonade " and " staying out until 10 " with danny in " summer nights " )  and the plot isn ', t exactly the most elaborate story - line ever created  but despite these small reservations  this movie carries enough great music and high energy to keep anyone amused through its rapid 110 minute running time ( and believe me . . . i am not a fan of the musicals ! ! ) . make sure to look for a young lorenzo lamas in the static role of the brainless football player  as well as the national bandstand dance contest as one of the film ', s absolute highlights . and don ', t forget to buy the popular soundtrack afterwards  so that you could listen to its peppy tunes whenever you ', re feeling a little blue . little known facts : henry winkler  of tv ', s happy days ', fonzie fame  turned down the part of danny zuko because he did not want to be typecast for the rest of his career . both travolta and conaway were smitten by newton - john during the filming of this picture . conaway eventually bowed out of the woo - fest  and married newton - john ', s sister a year later ( divorced after five years ) .
pos set in the late 80 ', s at the height of yuppie excess and based on the book by bret easton ellis ( who explored the same themes in another book which was also made into a movie  less than zero )  american psycho puts a new spin on the yuppie " genre " that ellis helped to create . christian bale is perfectly cast as patrick bateman  a high powered yuppie who hides a terrible secret from his fianc ? e and his colleagues . it seems that bateman is a serial killer and  unfortunately for his contemporaries  his tenuous grasp on reality is starting to slip . as he tries to balance his meticulous daily routines with slaughtering co - workers and prostitutes and hiding their bodies  his mental fabric slowly begins to unravel . i was first introduced to the novel when i was still in high school . i read an associated press article in our local sunday newspaper detailing the problems ellis was having getting his novel published due to the controversial violence in it . as usual when anything is controversial i try to seek it out  but i soon forgot about the novel and didn ', t end up thinking about it again until i stumbled across it a couple of years later at a bookstore . i picked it up and read it  but was ultimately disappointed because it left more questions than answers . the movie has a similar effect  but at least it ', s less cryptic than ellis ', novel . for once  a film has actually turned out to be better than the novel it was based on . both the book and the film open with bateman describing his fastidious morning preparations ( down to exactly what facial scrubs and exfoliating creams he uses ) but the novel seems to concentrate more on these excesses throughout . the movie continues to touch upon these things but makes more of a point to immerse us in bateman ', s impending madness than to detail things as painstakingly as the novel does . as a result  the film is immensely more entertaining . lions gate seems to be the studio champion of controversial films ( having picked up kevin smith ', s catholic - rattling dogma ) and here with american psycho there is no difference . screenwriters mary harron and guinevere turner had the unenviable task of trying to take a novel about yuppies filled with graphic violence and sex and make a marketable film out of it . some cuts had to be made to the finished film to keep from getting an nc - 17  mainly involving a sex scene comprising bateman and two women  and initial reports said the film was unwatchable . thankfully  it is watchable and harron and turner have made one of the most scathingly satirical films this side of south park : bigger  longer & uncut . side note # 1 : co - writer guinevere turner also makes an appearance in the film as an ill - fated acquaintance of bateman ', s who  after bateman suggests that she start making out with a female prostitute  proclaims that she ', s not a lesbian nor has any interest in it . the ironic humor of the scene stems from the fact that turner ( the writer / director of the film go fish and who also assisted kevin smith with parts of his script for chasing amy ) is a lesbian . it ', s a subtle in - joke and it ', s one i found to be pretty humorous . despite having a rather high profile supporting cast of young up - and - comers ( including reese witherspoon )  most of the roles are a waste and are the equivalent of extended billed cameos . the real draw here is christian bale and his over - the - top performance as patrick bateman . whenever i read a novel i always try to imagine what it would be like as a movie and who would be perfect to cast as the characters . i always had a hard time trying to decide who i would cast as bateman  but i never thought bale would deliver a performance as perfect as his ends up being . to say bale runs away with the character is a vast understatement and he proves that he ', s as adept at chewing scenery as al pacino or rod steiger . one sequence in particular  involving bateman describing his love for huey lewis and the news ', song " hip to be square " right before burying an axe in a co - worker ', s head  features one of the most eccentric and kinetic performances i have ever seen on film . side note # 2 : despite the fact that huey lewis ', " hip to be square " and a pair of phil collins songs appear in the film  don ', t expect to see them on the soundtrack release . huey lewis expressly requested that his song  featured in a rather large set piece in the film ( much akin to the use of " stuck in the middle with you " in reservoir dogs )  not be included on any soundtrack release . i ', m assuming that collins requested the same . on a similar note  whitney houston ', s cover of " the greatest love of all " is also involved in a scene comparable to the other two and it is very obvious that it isn ', t the houston version at all but merely an instrumental version culled from an unknown source . apparently  houston wasn ', t as open about the use of her song as the others were . a bigger controversy than the violence and sex has been brewing since the film ', s release : that of whether or not patrick has actually committed the crimes we have viewed during the course of the film . don ', t look to the book for any answers because it will only serve to confuse you more . several web sites have been dedicated to the subject but i ', m still undecided . there is evidence both for and against but the most scathing evidence against comes from a scene near the end of the film where bateman goes on a killing spree taking out cops  old ladies  and cleaning staff with equal gusto . the scene seemed very dream - like and as absurd as the action films it suddenly seems to be parodying ( as an example  bateman blows up a police car very cinematically after firing several shots from a handgun in the general direction of the car ) . i kept waiting for bateman to wake up and for the film to continue on from there  but bateman never does wake up and the whole sequence  though comic  throws the film off - balance ( which i suppose was the intention ) . other than the few flaws i have mentioned  american psycho is an incredibly entertaining film ( although you may not leave the movie fully understanding whether or not what has just transpired actually occurred in bateman ', s reality ) . i think this movie is destined for greatness as a cult film and deserves the spot it will take as such . it may not change anyone ', s life  but it will certainly have an effect . i know i will certainly hear " hip to be square " in a different context the next time i hear it . [ r ]
pos ever wonder what happened to gabe kaplan ? you remember  he was the title character in that 70 ', s sitcom  " welcome back kotter . " always trying to help out the sweathogs  frequently trying to dodge mr . woodman  ever wary of his wife ', s tuna casserole . " so  " you ask  " where is he now ? " mr . kaplan actually spends much of his time these days playing professional high - stakes poker . that ', s right . i ', m not sure if it ', s his main source of income  but from what i ', ve heard  the guy occasionally comes away with $ 20  000 at a time . and there you were  thinking i was going to tell you he was doing off - broadway theater . you silly goose . well  gabe kaplan isn ', t in the movie rounders  nor is the film about the actor come gambler ', s life . but rounders is about poker  and gabe plays poker  and i thought that was kind of a neat connection . sorry about the segue  or lack thereof . matt damon plays mike mcdermott  a law student who also has a singular talent for the game of poker . he ', s been playing for a while  and more than being proficient  he has caught the bug . he goes to all the underground games in new york city  knows the regulars  and knows how to win . in the beginning of the film  he ', s built up a nice thirty grand nest egg  which he takes to the speakeasy - type gaming parlor where the big boys play . mike is there to make his bid into the upper echelon by staking it all against teddy kgb ( john malkovich )  an oreo - munching cardshark with ties to the russian mafia . mike has the potential to take a large pot and go to vegas and buy into the world series of poker  but instead he loses it all in a single hand . months later  he ', s paying his way through law school by driving a delivery truck . when mike ', s best friend and poker buddy worm ( edward norton ) finishes his jail term for hustling some students  he wants to pick up right were they left off  working as a team to part others with their betting cash . although mike has stopped playing cards as a promise to his girlfriend and fellow law student  jo ( gretchen mol )  worm connives mike into playing once more  and mike  bitten again by the bug  slides down that slippery slope  risking his relationship  education  and reputation as playing poker again becomes the focus of his life . to make a film about gambling  a filmmaker will usually have to play up the glamorous side to get the audience behind the characters . this is because few moviegoers will care a whole lot about some guy in a leisure suit or terry cloth shirt sitting at a folding card table with a stogie in his mouth . rounders  however  seems to go more for the latter than the former . the card clubs mike and worm frequent aren ', t very glamorous at all . there ', s a basement  a lodge with elk heads on the wall  a goulash joint - these are the kinds of locales in which director john dahl sets his shots . except for one brief instance when the two players visit atlantic city  the film is bereft of the flashing lights of the casinos or the pleasant color of the green felt table . the reason rounders still captures our attention is because it is less about the game of poker than it is about the personalities which enjoy and are slaves to it . we ', re given a nice set of interesting characters with clear motivations  and good actors to play them . matt damon is very natural as mike  who struggles between his desire to play the straight and narrow by finishing law school  and answering what may be his true calling  playing professional poker . ed norton ', s worm is truly a worm  always looking for the angle and playing everyone for what they ', re worth . john turturro  who amazes me with his acting range  tones it down in this film by playing joey knish  a virtual poker prodigy in his time who now plays the underground games to make rent and child support payments . he ', s both a friend and mentor to mike  and turturro ', s low - key performance is totally convincing  just as john malkovich ', s heavily - accented teddy kgb is imposing as an adversarial dragon mike must slay to prove himself . martin landau is also thrown into the mix as one of mike ', s law professors  abe petrovsky . while landau slips well into the role  his character  spitting out personal anecdotes about staying true to one ', s self  facilitates the channeling of the storyline toward a predictable ending . perhaps the weak link in the otherwise formidable line - up of acting talent  however  is gretchen mol who just didn ', t seem to have much presence on screen . she ', s a genuine peach to look at  kind of a cross between actress renee zellweger and singer jewel ( and i wouldn ', t be surprised if the three of them formed some kind of blond - haired triumvirate and attempted to take over the world )  but her delivered lines seemed very flat  and i found myself looking for matt damon ', s reactions instead . a good thing about rounders is that it doesn ', t get bogged down in the character development and statement making so much that it can ', t find time for humor . the film is peppered nicely with scenes that both make you laugh and keep the pacing going  such as a sequence where mike and worm move rapidly around new york from one game to the next  in widely different locales . one game in a cigar club had me in stitches . " i love the sweetness of this dark maduro wrapper  " says one of the players  clearly more interested in displaying his pretentiousness over the cigar in one hand than in the cards in his other . i was hoping mike and worm would really take these guys . with all the poker being played  rounders had the potential to be very confusing . you might think you know a lot about poker  but think again . luckily  we ', re given a narration by damon during the more intricate moments to explain what ', s going on . the narrations are more informative than intrusive  and apprise us of what the stakes are and why certain players want to do the things they do . it ', s nice that as the characters develop  so does our comprehension of their world . as a film about success and survival in the realm of underground poker  rounders delivers in spades . wait ! as a film about the culture of cards  rounders is an ace . hang on ! packed with great acting and great characters  rounders is a full house . okay  i guess that ', s enough . oh  by the way  if you ever want to get into a game with ol ', gabe kaplan  be sure to bring a note from epstein ', s mother .
pos did you ever wonder if dennis rodman was actually from this planet ? or if sylvester stallone was some kind of weird extra - terrestrial ? i used to think that about my 7th grade english teacher  ms . carey . but after seeing this movie  they may have confirmed my suspicions . as the story goes  at any time  there are over a thousand aliens living among us here on earth . the men in black ( mib ) are the watchdogs that oversee the cosmic citizens  guardians of our beloved planet from nasty - tempered aliens  and secret service to the stars . based in new york city ( where weird is the norm )  the mib organization gives human form to our space - faring emigrants so that they may walk and live among us unnoticed . but to enforce the laws of earth  the mib carry weapons that are powerful enough to meet or exceed destruction quotas in one single blast . they carry other - worldly technology to erase people ', s short - term memory when common folk see the mib in action . and their best leads on cosmic things - gone - awry are the supermarket tabloids . little do we know that there are much stronger battles of good v . evil going on in the depths of space . one of the aliens - as - human on this planet is an important diplomat that is carrying something very precious . it holds the ', key ',  literally  to universal peace . a giant cockroach - like alien soon arrives on the planet and steals this ', key ', . in the wrong alien hands ( flippers ? mandibles ? tentacles ? )  it can be used as a weapon . therefore  it must be recovered and returned to it ', s rightful owners . otherwise  to ensure universal safety  earth will be destroyed  along with the ', key ', . now  it ', s the mib who must prevent this catastrophe . the mib agents on the case are " k "  played by tommy lee jones . he is crustier than burnt toast and even more serious than al gore . the stars in the sky no longer spark wonder in his eyes . he is accompanied by a flippant rookie  " j "  played by will smith . but  despite this shoot - em - up  protect - earth - from - destruction premise  this is nothing at all like a typical summer action movie . and  this isn ', t an independence day knockoff . rather  this is a stylishly offbeat sci - fi comedy that pokes fun at what the government always denies ? that there are real aliens that live here  and that the government does its darndest to cover them up . but to give it some sense of excitement and to keep it within the parameters of the summer movie recipe  there must be some kind of earth - hangs - in - the - balance scenario . yet  this movie is very appealing . the abundance of wierdness ( talking aliens  pee - wee atomizers  a mortician who ', lives ', for her work  and lots of yucky bugs and slime - splattering galore )  is played straight  like as if this were normal ( of course  we are in nyc ) . it gives it a deadpan feel  which makes it all the more funnier and odder . jones plays the venerable seen - it - all agent with seriousness and maturity . smith is likeable and makes a great comic partner to jones ', straight man routine . they click like dorothy ', s ruby red shoes . the look and feel of the movie is made even better with direction from barry sonnenfeld ( the addam ', s family ) . this guy has a knack for ', gothic ', comedy  and successfully transfers his macabre sense of humor onto the screen . and  an appropriate dose of special effects helps to bolster the oddness of their task without diverting attention from the human actors . the story moves well  and before you know it  the end credits are already rolling ! the result is 100 minutes worth of fun in the form of ewwwws and blechhhs  aaaahhhs and wows . let the men in black protect and color your world .
pos i feel no hesitation in saying that " there ', s something about mary " is the best film that i will see all year . from the moment the credits started to roll at the end of the picture  there was no doubt in my mind that i had seen a masterpiece that will remain unsurpassed in the remaining months of 1998 . it is that good of a film . when gene siskel said this about " fargo " only a few months into ', 96  i dismissed the notion as ridiculous . how could you possibly know that a film is so great that nothing you could possibly see in the future could beat it ? but after seeing the farrelly ', s hilarious and surprisingly heartfelt masterwork  i now know what siskel was talking about . once in a ( very great ) while  a film comes along that is so daring  so brilliant and simply so enjoyable that at the end  you just want to stand up and cheer . and you know  at that instant  that you have just experienced something very special . now for the shocker ; " mary " is the grossest and most disgusting film i have ever viewed ( " pink flamingos " obviously notwithstanding ) . the movie is so rude and  i guess  inappropriate in nature that i had a hard time sitting in a theater watching it with my parents ( luckily i had seen it before them  so i could warn the about what they were in for ) . forget " blazing saddles "  " animal house " and even the former king of gross - out comedy  " monty python ', s meaning of life " ; they were all only preludes to the farrelly ', s assault on the senses . in fact  this may even be the funniest film i ', ve ever had the pleasure of seeing ( the only real contender is " monty python and the holy grail " )  and most certainly the most hilarious to come out all decade . but as funny as it is  something also has to be said about the overall sweetness of " mary " ; it has a huge heart . you see  the farrelly ', s are truly gifted filmmakers . they don ', t just present you with a string of dick and fart jokes ( although there are plenty to go around ) . they also  very wisely  add an unbelievable amount of charisma to the main characters and actually have them develop as the story progresses . it ', s funny  though . if you just look at an outline of the story  it seems kind of contrived and predictable . but believe me  it is anything but . ben stiller plays ted  a very shy and clumsy teenage geek who lusts after the school babe  mary ( cameron diaz ) . after he sticks up for her retarded brother  warren ( w . early brown - the cameraman  believe it or not  from " scream " )  his dreams come true when she invites him to the prom . in one of the film ', s funniest scenes  something goes wrong ( i won ', t ruin it for those who know nothing about the film ) and ted is unable to face mary ever again . jump to the present . after years of self - loathing  ted finally hires private detective pat healy ( a suitably slimy matt dillon ) to track her down so he can have one last chance at winning the woman he has loved since high school . healy finds that mary is still a full - blown hottie and decides to try and keep her for himself . admittingly  the basic story line leaves a little to be desired . after all  with a not - really - all - that - funny premise  how can you sustain laughter for nearly two hours ? somehow  the farrelly ', s pull it off . the performances here are also right on target . as ted  stiller adds just the right amount of clumsy charm to make his character not irritating  as he would normally be  but very lovable . and cameron diaz is perfect in her role for obvious reasons  but the actor who really grabs your attention is w . earl brown as mary ', s brother . no other actor has even come close to playing a mentally retarded man with as much natural ease as brown displays here . i know he won ', t be nominated  but this is the guy who should not be counted out when it comes time to hand out the oscar nods in february . as good as the actors are  though  it ', s the directors ', movie all the way . i guarantee that on almost every other top ten list at the end of the year  you will see the number one space occupied by steven spielberg ', s wwii epic " saving private ryan " . and yes  that is a great film worthy of the recognition it has been getting . but which is harder ; making a great war film or having your audience laugh so hard that they can ', t breath for minutes at a time ? i ', ll let you decide that one for yourself  but this critic is sticking to his guns . there is just something about " mary " .
pos " i ', d rather die today and go to heaven than live to be a hundred and go to hell  " earnestly proclaims the pentecostal preacher . with that line coming from a fundamentalist christian minister  hollywood has taught us how we should fill in the rest of the story . he will be turn out to be a scoundrel who has less actual belief in god than the average american  and all of his preaching will turn out to be a cynical ruse to extort money from his naive congregation . from elmer gantry on  we have learned what to expect when the movies go to church . well  think again  for the apostle  which robert duvall has wanted to make for over a decade  does not take the usual tack of smearing the minister  and by implication all  the rest of organized religion . instead it gives us a highly devout man  who certainly has his foibles  but with an absolute dedication to his ministry and his god . and arguably just as surprising  the good - spirited film is no comedy  even if it does have humorous moments . instead of levity the picture takes a touchingly serious approach as it introduces us to a world not normally seen in motion pictures . when in the privacy of his attic  robert duvall  as texas preacher euliss " sonny " dewey  argues sternly with his lord  the scene shares a kinship with emily watson ', s character crying out for her god in breaking the waves ', s most powerful scene . the body of the story starts with sonny ', s coming upon an horrific auto accident  which is another part of life generally ignored by modern screenwriters . with his well worn bible in hand  sonny leaps from his car so that he can go pray over and with the accident ', s dying victims . the scowling police officer orders him to go away  and  after he has tried to work his miracles  sonny leaves with a smile in the confidence that he has done the lord ', s work . robert duvall not only gives a moving and realistic performance surely destined to receive an academy award nomination but is also the film ', s director  writer  executive producer  and chief financier . rarely has a movie been such a labor of love . with a white suit  peach - colored shirt and tie  and dark sunglasses  sonny looks as much like a rock star as a preacher . duvall has every movement down pat . even when he is walking down the street  the ever strutting sonny cannot contain his energy . he dances and claps all the way . sonny ', s churches having more black members than white means that he shares his preaching duties with many deep - voiced black orators  but his rhetoric is always competitive . " i may be on the devil ', s hit - list  but i ', m on god ', s mailing list  " he shouts to the congregation in a revival tent . and they lap it up . people jump up  scream  " praise the lord ! " and mean it . the intensity of their shared religious experience is palpable . but sonny is no saint . it turns out that he has a wandering eye  which angers his wife jessie  played in a remarkably controlled performance by farrah fawcett . jessie gets her revenge by taking up with the church ', s youth minister and conniving to gain control over sonny ', s church  leaving him unemployed . sonny  letting his temper get the best of him  does something foolish  which causes him to have to leave town and two beloved kids forever . the bulk of the film occurs in a small  predominately black church in louisiana  which he builds up from a derelict building with no congregation into a remodeled church ( " one way road to heaven : holiness temple " ) with an enthusiastic flock . in this part he rebaptizes himself as the apostle e . f . the apostle is a hard worker willing to take on any odd job necessary to obtain the funds for his church . he asks his members to tithe  but he gives all of his money . and his good deeds extend to secret donations of food for the local poor folks . a man who can ', t stand to be still  he tells one of his friends  " i quit school because i didn ', t like recess . " in his new town he meets toosie ( miranda richardson )  who  like him  has a family that she hasn ', t seen in a while . his romance with the separated woman  like the rest of the film  doesn ', t follow the standard patterns we have grown to expect from our movies . billy bob thornton shows up one day playing a local racist and general troublemaker . his confrontation with the apostle is yet another of show ', s many surprising scenes  again breaking many rules and conceptions about what approach deeply religious people might take . although it probably couldn ', t have ended any other way  the movie does wrap things up nicely . and don ', t miss the sweet epilogue during the film ', s closing credits . a tour de force acting performance by duvall and a surprising and unrelentingly dedicated script makes for an outstanding and moving film . the apostle runs a little too long at 2 : 12 . it is rated pg - 13 for mild profanity and brief violence and would be fine for kids eleven and up .
pos one of the best movies i ', ve ever seen . i ', d heard extremely good things about this movie  and though the previews didn ', t really intrigue that much  it was a movie i ', d been anticipating for a few months now . for some reason i ', m not sure of - this movie was not that big a sucess over in the u . s . it was a definite hit with the critics  but didn ', t exactly set any box office records . after viewing this incredibly well directed  written and acted movie  i can ', t help but wonder - why ? the strength of this film is it ', s gritty realism . the main characters are all human with individual flaws  no stereo - type hollywood heroes . you may not agree with many of their actions in the movie or their approach to life  but that is what makes it so real . i had expected this movie to be more of a drama than a thriller  but i was mistaken . even the interrogation scenes moved at such a pace so that it felt just as thrilling as any car chase . and the ending . . . . . . whoa . i ', ve never seen a movie in my life where everyone in it acts brilliantly . the three male leads - guy pearce  kevin spacey and russell crowe are all just terrific . the ', best actor ', oscar talk surrounding this film should have netted one of them a statue  but there is one problem there . how could they have chosen between these three actors ? there is no way i could look at this film and say one of them was better than the other two . it ', s impossible . kim bassinger ', s performance is also a revelation . i ', d never been a big fan of hers before and always thought she was  well . . . what ', s the word - a twinky ? that impression has changed  as she complemented crowe and pearce perfectly . the depth to the story and characters is truly astounding . no cardboard characters here . the plot is full of twists and turns and some very clever sequences . pearce ', s interogation of three seperate suspects is nothing short of brilliant . i really can ', t fault this movie at all . i was so glad to see fellow australian ', s pearce and crowe star in such a breathtaking movie . i had been very familiar with russell crowe beforehand from his many australian films  but had not seen much of guy pearce . i intend to change this next time i visit the video store : )
pos this reviewer is ignorant of what hands were responsible for delivering the original version of the abyss in 1989 . whether it was the meddling of studio executives  or the work of writer / director james cameron himself  the original cut of this underwater sci - fi thriller was entertaining enough but also quite seriously flawed . the main problem was fairly simple : the film ', s climax was unworthy of its build - up . someone at 20th century fox - and no doubt cameron himself - must have agreed  because in 1993 came the theatrical release of the abyss : special edition . now available on video  it seems timely to re - evaluate what  in its newly revamped state  is now a near - masterpiece despite its borrowings from films like 2010 : odyssey two  alien and close encounters of third kind . the plot is thus . we meet the crew of an experimental underwater mobile oil rig designed by the hard - nosed lindsay ( mastrantonio ) and captained by her soon - to - be - divorced husband bud ( ed harris ) . the rig and its crew are diverted from their normal duties when the navy seeks their help in investigating the mysterious sinking of a u . s . nuclear submarine . requiring a dive part - way down a three mile deep trench  three navy divers arrive to command the operation  led by the edgy lieutenant coffey ( biehn ) . but a series of strange sightings soon convinces at least one member of the civilian crew that whoever or whatever they ', re dealing with  as she memorably puts it  " aren ', t speaking russian " . meanwhile on the surface a hurricane is brewing and  even worse  a series of incidents around cuba involving russians ships and an increasingly nervous u . s . navy sets off an international crisis of possible catastrophic proportions . this crisis is mirrored in the confines of the now isolated underwater rig  with the trigger - happy and increasingly paranoid lieutenant coffey at odds with the crew about how do deal with the mysterious goings - on around them . the human drama is often riveting  with the principal players performing with an intensity that recalls the fine ensemble acting in cameron ', s aliens . the stunts  hardware  special effects and underwater cinematography are all outstanding . and so they should be : cameron ', s technical credentials are well established . but what ultimately makes the film so gripping is three intersecting plot strands : 1 ) the tension between old sparring partners lindsay and ex - hubby bud ; 2 ) the war of wills between the civilian crew and the navy divers as a series of escalating crisis ', befall them ; and 3 ) the slowly unfolding revelation of what lies at the bottom of the three mile deep abyss . the abyss : special edition is an improvement on the original film in two major respects . one is that it further fleshes out the relationship between bud and lindsay  a relationship at times touching  at others incredibly intense and volatile . the second improvement is the restoration of some absolutely crucial scenes towards the film ', s end  when the aliens demonstrate their control over water with a terrifying and extraordinary display of power to a world on the brink of nuclear war . with the inclusion of these startling scenes  the story ', s climax is now given real weight . why on earth were they left out of the original ? this reviewer finds it utterly incomprehensible . so then  we have 25 minutes of additional footage that ', s turned a decent underwater thriller into something quite magnificent . i say " quite " because some flaws do remain . the most grating is several moments of corny hollywood schmaltz - some new  some old - that may well have you reaching for the barf bag . nonetheless  the abyss : special edition now stands this somewhat maligned film among james cameron ', s greatest achievements  alongside aliens and terminator 2 . see it and be moved  gripped and spellbound .
pos i have a soft spot in my heart for pure  amoral sleaze . i liked showgirls ( there  i said it ) . i typically enjoy myself when sitting through that eszterhaz  sex - filled cinematic tabloid - ish trash . wild things is the best sleazy film i ', ve ever seen . it ', s filled with great performances  graphic sex  three - way sex  rape charges  double - crosses  plot twists  genitalia of all genders  graphic violence  death  witty humor  and  best of all  denise richards . criticizing this film for being disgusting  raucous  and just plain wrong is as fundamentally pointless as criticizing citizen kane for being disturbing  or titanic for being lofty and epic . wild things is a film that succeeds in its endeavors  but i don ', t just admire it for this -- i admire it for being so entertaining and such a fun time at the movies . i must admit up - front  however  that i am directly in the center of the age group to which this film has been engineered to appeal . i imagine that this shows . it ', s hard to give a plot summary without giving away pieces that shouldn ', t be known . i thought i had the whole thing worked out from the trailer  but i was wrong ; there are a lot of turns here . i ', ll just say that the film takes place in blue bay  a rich little town in florida . in blue bay lives sam lombardo ( matt dillon )  a teacher who is accused of rape by two of his students  kelly van ryan ( denise richards )  and suzie toller ( neve campbell ) . kelly ', s mother  sandra ( theresa russell )  immediately presses charges . all of this happens fairly early in the film . and right up until this point  i had the whole film predicted . i was wrong  though  and every time i was proven wrong  i was shocked . wild things isn ', t even remotely plausible  but it is so fun to see where the story takes us that the implausibility of every scene is meaningless  and often invited  just for kicks . i remember first seeing the preview for wild things before the replacement killers . i ', d give the preview four stars . it made me want to see the movie so much that i ', ve been waiting for it anxiously ever since . over the past few weeks though  i started to realize that there was no way the film could live up to the preview ( see independence day ) ; thankfully  i was proven wrong . the preview for this film is one that needs to be studied by marketing analysts of every distribution company : not only does it make us want to see the film  but it doesn ', t give away any of the secrets . but i ', m not here to talk about the preview . i ', m here to talk about denise richards . now  i found her mildly interesting in starship troopers  but in wild things she appeals to such a base instinct that every scene she ', s in demands attention in a way that almost no other performer can . of course  this might have something to do with her oceanic eyes . . . and flawless body . . . but i thought she did a great job acting  too ( stop laughing ) . no  richards is truly a find -- she is talented  and always convincing in this film . this mixed in with her insane physical appeal makes her a vital asset to any film she may grace in the future . the other actors are good  too . dillon is as suave as ever ( it ', s nice to see him bouncing back from albino alligator and in & out ) . bacon does a good job acting all determined and stuff as a sex crimes officer . neve campbell gives the most layered performance of all of them  though i won ', t pretend that any of these characters are deep and complex . for a plot like this to work  all of these people have to be insane and basically contrived . that ', s okay  because director john mcnaughton knows that he ', s making a self - consciously wicked film . each scene -- even the three - way sex scene -- is observed with hilarity by mcnaughton  and the result is a sleaze - fest that ', s too smart to resist . there isn ', t an inconsistent moment in wild things : every bit of it is alluring garbage  so trashy it ', s funny  and so entertaining it ', s painful . i loved it .
pos tarzan chad ', z = good ) 1999  g  90 minutes [ 1 hour  30 minutes ] [ animated - adventure / drama ] starring the voices of : tony goldwyn ( tarzan )  minnie driver ( jane porter )  lance henriksen ( kerchak )  brian blessed ( clayton ) ; written by tab murphy  bob tzudiker  noni white ; produced by bonnie arnold ; directed by chris buck  kevin lima ; based on the story ` tarzan of the apes ', and characters created by edgar rice burroughs . seen july 4  1999 at 7 : 15 p . m . at crossgates cinemas 18 ( guilderland  ny )  theater # 9  by myself for free using my hoyts season pass . [ theater rating : * * * 1 / 2 : very good sound  picture and seats ] title : ` tarzan ', beautiful to look at  easy to follow . review : disney continues its trend of producing animated summer blockbuster movies meant mostly for children but with enough wit and charm for adults to be interested and at least entertained by the story . the basic premise is the same as every other ` tarzan ', story : a boy is raised in the african jungle by gorillas and becomes one himself never really understanding ( or even noticing ) that he ', s human and is a lot different from the animals he befriends . the first third of the film shows how tarzan comes to be adopted by kala ( voiced by glen close )  a female gorilla who lost her own child in a classic case of darwanism . her mate  kerchak ( henriksen )  is a mean  conservative leader of the pack of gorillas who make up tarzan ', s extended family . he refuses to acknowledge tarzan ( voiced by alex d . linz during the childhood scenes ) as a son and often has to hold himself back from killing tarzan after he continually does dangerous  wild things that are the result of his own childish instincts . i have a feeling children will quickly be able to identify with tarzan since all he really is is just a kid who wants to have fun and it ', s funny how the adults fail to comprehend this . later  as the story transitions from tarzan as a child to a full - grown man ( voiced by goldwyn )  he is encounter by a party of three humans from england : jane porter ( driver )  a beautiful woman who is something of a zoologist and an artist  her father prof . archimedes q . porter ( voiced by nigel hawthorne ) who is also a scientist ; and their slick and cunning  yet barbaric safari bodyguard clayton ( blessed ) . it ', s easy to tell where the story is going at all times but the screenplay doesn ', t seem like it was written hastily nor dumbed down for children ', s enjoyment . sure there ', s a lot of cliche stuff here  like clayton ', s smugness and diabolical manipulation of tarzan and jane ; the goofy supporting characters ( voiced by rosie o ', donnell [ in full brooklyn accent ! ] and wayne knight - ` hello newman ! ', ) . there ', s also a lot of fun action such as tarzan ', s swinging through the jungle on vines and sliding down and around tree branches and trunks . it ', s just like skateboarding really fast and doing all sorts of tricks ( those mcdonald ', s commercials really prove this point ) . ultimately  you get exactly out of ` tarzan ', what you expect . . . and i mean that as a compliment  so have high expectations . pros : animation and sound are a feast for the senses  story is lighthearted  breezy and not dumbed - down  no stupid sing - along songs to get stuck in your head . cons : surprisingly violent  should have been rated pg . young children may not understand some of the more adult themes ( parents  be ready to have some heavy questions thrown your way ) . running time is a bit short . would you recommend this to friends ? not to my friends  but to the movie - going public i would . score : or with no 0 rating ) .
pos i ', ve always been told that there are two things in life that are unavoidable - death and taxes . oddly  i ', ve never given much thought to either of the two . maybe if i did  at least i ', d stop getting collection notices from uncle sam . yes  let me make a resolution to devote myself to better record keeping  hold on to all my receipts  and to do what it takes to have the satisfaction that my returns are mistake - free and will keep me from incurring penalties . it seems that the issue of death may not be so different  at least envisioned here in this film . as this tender love story goes  if you do good things and have a clear conscience when you die  you ascend to a place of great peace and beauty . the dreams  wishes  and fantasies that you had when you were alive come true . for those who die with a burdened soul  however  they wind up in that other place . chris and annie ( a winsome robin williams and a radiant annabella sciorra ) seem like the perfect couple that deserve all that heaven has to offer . their love for each other is strong and their bond is undeniable . but tragic events eventually tear apart the fabric of annie ', s happiness . and when chris dies after a terrible car accident  she commits suicide - a tortured soul who blames herself . despair is perhaps the greatest sin  and she will wallow in her guilt throughout eternity . chris  on the other hand  has made it to heaven  and upon learning of annie ', s fate  he journeys to hell to find her and to try to free her from her nightmare . this film brims with imagination  containing a lush imagery that shows the arcadia that is heaven and the bitterness and frightfulness that is hell . it seems that heaven and hell could very well be a product of our fantasies or nightmares . it ', s shape and look is as infinite as our imagination . as chris explores his new fantastic world and discovers things both amazing and wondrous  he also begins to learn more about himself . certain questions baffle him at first . why does his home in heaven ooze with paint ? what is the significance of the asian stewardess ? why does he have an all - too - willing guide ( cuba gooding  jr . ) to help him find annie ? but as he slowly begins to realize the answers  it makes him stronger and gives him a greater chance to save annie . " dreams " is both visually and tellingly beautiful . alas  i have one regret . the movie did well to gather more and more emotional speed  but the denouement was curiously unsatisfying . it seemed as if it was racing to some kind of great finish  but its intensity seemed to wane in its final moments . however  your eyes will still well up with tears and you ', ll find lots to savor . the storytelling is purposeful and well constructed . the journey is imaginative . and i was surprised by how much i enjoyed this film .
pos it was a crazy time in france  what with the french revolution right around the corner . king louis xv would soon die  and his son would become king louis xvi . such is the setting for beaumarchais : the scoundrel about the controversial playwright  spy and playboy pierre - augustin caron de beaumarchais . beaumarchais was the author of the plays  " the barber of seville " and " the marriage of figaro . " today people think of them as quaint and harmless operas  but  back in 1773 when the movie takes place  they were so scandalous that beaumarchais was thrown into prison more than once . the movie beaumarchais : the scoundrel takes a light - hearted approach to its subject  resulting in an inviting motion picture . one of france ', s most expensive productions ever  the movie was a huge hit when it opened there last year . now in theatrical release in the united states  it eschews the seriousness of most art house films with a romping good story . the secret of the film ', s success  other than the lavishness of sylvie de segonzac ', s costumes  has to be the performance by fabrice luchini as beaumarchais . with his glistening eyes and his infectious smile  he mesmerizes the camera and the audience . his wry little lips seem always to hint at some unspoken deviousness he is planning . in a land where court intrigue determines one ', s destiny  constant scheming was a way of life for the aristocracy . as our story starts  we learn that beaumarchais has bought himself a judgeship . into his court comes a member of the nobility demanding an immediate sword fight . beaumarchais  who has been having an affair with the man ', s wife  makes him wait until the current case on the docket is decided . that over with  the fight is on . with luchini ', s charisma  it is hard to root for anyone other than him . audiences may remember him from the marvelous colonel chabert  in which he played the attorney . although he does not have half of the good looks of his assistant gudin  played by manuel blanc  he dazzles the women and the viewers with his grace and style . michael epp ', s warm and intimate cinematography provides a nice accompaniment to jean - marc kerdelhue ', s lush but realistic looking sets . jean - claude petit ', s music  especially the hauntingly lovely flute solos  make for an enchanting time at the movies . director jean - claude brisville  who wrote the script along with edouard molinaro  fleshed out a play by sacha guitry which  according to the press notes  was just a series of historic vignettes . the disorganization of the play still comes through at some points in the movie  but the actors smooth it over with their good - hearted style . typical of the scenes that come out of nowhere is the one in which a rotund benjamin franklin appears in a large pot of hot water  taking his bath . one episode has beaumarchais working with a renegade spy who may or may not be a man . another has beaumarchais using his personal fortune to aid the american revolution . all of this may sound like a dull historical drama  but it is anything but . the story plays more like theater of the absurd than a movie based on historical facts . the radiantly lovely sandrine kiberlain plays marie - therese  the real love of beaumarchais ', s life . but he is so likable that members of the audience may want to compete with her for him . still  with his beguiling smile  one can never quite be sure if you should trust him . the movie  on the other hand  can be trusted to deliver a high old time . beaumarchais : the scoundrel runs 1 : 41 . it is in french with english subtitles . the film is not rated but would be an r for some nudity and sex  and should be fine for most teenagers .
pos what surprises me most about the long - awaited batman is that the movie centers not on the caped crusader but on the joker . the dark knight actually has less screen time than his homicidal arch nemesis ! i can hear batfans everywhere protesting : " first they had the nerve to cast michael keaton as batman  and now they think they can get away with making him second banana to the joker ! ! " and  indeed  this situation would have been altogether inappropriate and intolerable were it not for the fact that someone at warner brothers had the savvy to cast jack nicholson in the role he was born to play . nicholson deserves the top billing he is receiving in the posters and opening credits since his astounding  oscar - worthy performance as the joker is the highlight of batman . nicholson shows no inhibition or shame as he pulls out all the stops to create a joker that makes cesar romero look like bozo the clown ( romero played the joker in the ', 60s tv series ) . on one hand  nicholson ', s joker is extremely funny . his murderous escapades and manic outbursts ( which include defacing paintings in an art museum and invading the television airwaves with hilarious pirate broadcasts ) bring humor and laughter into an otherwise dark film . but on the other hand  his outwardly jovial disposition is only a mask for his intense contempt for all of mankind . the joker ', s cruelty and demented  diabolical nature are truly frightening and sinister . this guy is off his rocker  and he not only knows it  he flaunts it ! but enough about nicholson as the joker : i ', m sure most people are wondering about michael keaton as batman . like many  i was outraged when warner brothers announced that keaton had been cast as the caped crusader . but batfans need not worry because holy unconventional casting ! keaton delivers . he is convincing as the tormented millionaire  bruce wayne  and beneath his hard  black body armor  he is mysterious and formidable as the batman . even though the screenplay only halfheartedly attempts to develop the character  keaton manages to give hints of the inner turmoil and emotional rage that drive wayne to don his bat gear and battle the low life scum of gotham city . visually  batman is a knockout nothing short of a triumph for director tim burton and his production team . the movie successfully captures the film noir look and bleak  gloomy atmosphere of such batman comic books as " the dark knight returns " and " the killing joke . " burton ', s film is a feast for the eyes ; the $ 35 million budget is definitely on the screen . the sets  costumes  and make - up are stunning and worthy of oscar nominations . nicholson isn ', t joking when he boasts  " wait ', till they get a load of me ! " his grimacing smile  green hair  and purple suits over orange shirts are colorful and outrageous . keaton ', s wardrobe is equally appropriate . batman ', s cape  mask  and body armor make him look threatening  frightening  and invincible bringing to mind not adam west ', s campy costume in the tv series but peter weir ', s outfit in robocop . production designer anton furst ', s sets are a wonder . gotham city is dark and foreboding  almost as if it were an expressionist vision of new york . the batcave is cold  bare  and desolate . the world that burton and furst have created in batman is a melancholy nightmare of violence and corruption . the movie ', s gritty bladerunner / robocop look is a joy to behold . the plot  on the other hand  is not as rousing . the screenplay is not up to snuff in comparison to the stylized sets and superb acting . it takes forever for what little story there is to finally kick into gear . batman tries to walk a thin line between action and character psychology  but it fails to give us enough of either one . as i mentioned earlier  the screenplay gives us plenty of the joker  but it never fully establishes batman ', s psychological motives and underpinnings . in terms of action  batman is not as thrilling as you might expect . burton seems more concerned with the visual and dramatic elements of the story . more than anything  batman is a mood film . while batman may not completely absorb and excite you  it will likely impress you with its success at bringing to life the style and spirit of the batman comic books . thanks to its distinctive look  the movie like a good comic book transports us to another world .
pos casting " doogie howser " star neil patrick harris as mind - reading military intelligence is only one of the guilty pleasures of " starship troopers  " a hugely entertaining  mega - budgeted sci - fi yarn directed by paul verhoeven  who ', s making quite a recovery from his 1995 g - string epic " showgirls . " sure  " starship troopers " qualifies as cinematic junk food  but that ', s forgivable when the junk food is this tasty . everyone needs a high - calorie change - of - pace from fall ', s onslaught of costume dramas and other assorted oscar bait  and " troopers " does the job admirably despite its flaws . for its first hour  " starship troopers " plays like a cheeky futuristic hybrid of " saved by the bell " and " g . i . jane . " in the distant years ahead  high school grad johnny rico ( casper van dien ) signs up for federal service along with his girlfriend carmen ( denise richards ) ; he gets accepted into the mobile infantry but she wants to travel to the fleet academy to become a starship pilot  so the couple is broken up . but there ', s temptation awaiting both of them -- johnny ', s is in the form of an old friend ( dina meyer ) also in the infantry and still harboring a secret crush  while carmen attracts the eye of her flirtatious instructor ( patrick muldoon ) . personal rivalry and sexual jealousy carry over into the final 65 minutes  when an impending alien menace begins making good on its threatening presence and obliterates part of south america  killing johnny ', s parents and destroying his home . our weakening  lovesick protagonist is given new reasons to stick around the mobile infantry  and is dispatched with a group of fellow fighters to the aliens ', home planet  where he will head up a ground assault to end the threat for good . but the enemy is far smarter  more diabolical and numerous than the good guys give them credit for  and after an initial walloping  they must re - examine their strategy . the exposition -- played like a futuristic soap opera -- is silly  but aware of its own ridiculousness enough to merit more smiles than groans . once we get past the campy character introductions and the numerous ( but never boring ) training sessions  " starship troopers " really kicks into high gear . its last half is all gruesomely violent action -- a fury of severed limbs  decapitations  disembowelments  brain removal  explosions and other jolt - inducers that are really going to please the 13 - and 14 - year - old boys lucky enough to dodge getting carded or caught on their way into this deservedly r - rated show . the creature design and special effects are amazing as expected  and their interaction with the human actors are a realistic  imaginative high point . it ', s nice to see intergalactic beasties that aren ', t too derivative of the titular menace from " alien . " these monsters are appropriately terrifying sights  especially the arachnids  a spider - scorpion - crab combo that ', s all sharp talons and even sharper legs . they attack in packs of hundreds  and it ', s a funny  scary sight to see these bugs take repeated hits and still crawl  jerk and struggle towards their intended victims in a determined  gooey mess . it matters not that they actually have a laughable master plan in mind ( ask yourself if a species like this seems capable of carrying out such a plot ) ; these sequences of insect warfare are numerous  bloody and immensely satisfying . the occasional dramatic moments -- one cast member ', s death  the final resolution to johnny ', s love triangle -- are botched  a testament to how " starship troopers " fails to create any strong  outstanding characters . these bland ken - and - barbie archetypes serve the story adequately enough to keep any distractions at arm ', s length  but restrain the film from achieving a higher ground a la " star wars  " where even the slightest aliens had definite personality . the acting is decent ( but never spectacular ) ; most of the performers hail from aaron spelling territory -- smallish roles on " beverly hills 90210 " and / or " melrose place " -- and it occasionally shows . van dien  for example  is limited but perfectly likeable . in smaller parts are the afore - mentioned neil patrick harris as johnny ', s best friend and jake busey ( gary ', s son ) as johnny ', s sidekick ; the latter excels at playing creeps ( see " the frighteners " or " contact " ) but seems off - kilter as a second banana . " starship troopers " is based on the novel by robert heinlein  a sci - fi writer who hasn ', t exactly seen any recent adaptation justice done to any of his books what with 1994 ', s howler " the puppet masters . " but the overall familiarity to the " alien " trilogy -- and the promise of great gobs of gore -- could act as a crowd - drawer . its own possible influence  however  might well work against it when the franchise continuation " alien : resurrection " opens in a few weeks . we will know then which film to crown as the best summer movie of the fall .
pos historical epic as a genre was almost banished from hollywood in early 1990s . for many critics  scholars and  most importantly  film producers  it was a thing of the past - something that could have attracted crowds only in the era of black - and - white television and non - cgi special effects . but in 1995  same as in the case of dances with wolves five years ago  there came the man who decided to use of all his energy and talents of actor  producer and director in order to revitalise that particular genre . and  same as in the case of dances with wolves  he was awarded for his effort with " oscars " . the name of the film was braveheart  and the name of its director and main actor was mel gibson . the plot chronicles the life of scottish warlord and folk hero william wallace ( 1272 - 1305 ) . in his time  english king edward i " longshanks " ( played by patrick mcgoohan ) has almost completely subdued entire british isles  including scotland  whose proud inhabitants are now subjected by " ius primae noctis " and various other forms of humiliation and oppression by english knights . although english had killed his father many years ago  young scottish commoner william wallace ( played by mel gibson ) doesn ', t care about politics and wants only to have peaceful life with his new bride murron ( played by catherine maccormack ) . murron ', s death changes that and wallace takes arms and  together with small but dedicated band of followers  begins guerrilla campaign that would systematically destroy almost every english garrison in the country . through time  more and more people join his ranks and in 1298 wallace ', s rag - tag army scores surprising victory against english knights in the battle of stirling bridge . but the newly won freedom is endangered by the internal squabbles between scots themselves  especially nobles under pretender robert the bruce ( played by angus macfadyen )  who wouldn ', t like to have a simple commoner as a national leader . braveheart was only the second film in the directorial career by mel gibson  so it wouldn ', t be fair to compare it to the better known genre classics directed by david lean or anthony mann . however  even when we apply such criteria braveheart is more than decent historical epic that takes new and refreshing approach to the genre . the most noticeable element of this approach is naturalism . while older hollywood films set in medieval europe used to give fairytale - like vision of picturesque castles  splendid costumes and knights in shining armour  gibson shows us the extremely unpleasant world of poverty and feudal injustice where might made right and life was hard  short and brutish . this general unpleasantness is especially underlined in the scenes of battle  where hand - to - hand combat is naturalistically displayed in all its gory details  never seen since verhoeven ', s ultra - naturalistic flesh & blood . compared with this naturalistic approach  most of old hollywood epics look like stage plays . braveheart also employs humour at the right places  not only to make bloody realities of medieval british isles more bearable to sensitive audiences  but also to underline its down - to - earth atmosphere  so different from previous historical epics . what makes braveheart " larger than life " is his protagonist . mel gibson obviously invested plenty of his energy and talent in bringing the mythical figure of william wallace and  as a result  character of 15th century poems is transformed into superhuman being that resembles late 20th century comic book hero . wallace is more than superior to his enemies  both physically and mentally  yet he is able to show his sensitive  more vulnerable side . naturally  when the character is based on epic poems  most of historical accuracy is going down the drain ( which was the case with almost every historical epic from hollywood in 1990s ) . however  even those who don ', t particularly care about history or are willing to give poetic license to scriptwriter randall wallace might think that he went over the top in idolising wallace  especially in the second part of film when scottish superhero manages to seduce princess isabel ( played by sophie marceau ) and make her a child . because of that the disbelief is hardly suspended  and final scenes aren ', t as effective as they should be . mel gibson as an actor is truly wonderful  and he is also helped by small army of very good british and irish actors . most memorable of them all is patrick mcgoohan  whose cold  calculated and evil medieval monarch is one of the most effective villains seen in contemporary cinema . brendan gleeson ( who would later become famous for his role in boorman ', s general ) is also very good as wallace ', s trusted companion  as well as ian bannen is effective as leprosy - stricken king john balliol . david o ', harra is very entertaining as wallace ', s irish ally  and angus macfadyen brings a lot of anxiety into his conscience - stricken character of robert the bruce . women in this film have rather thankless roles  especially marceau as one - dimensional french princess . catherine mccormack as wallace ', s wife was more interesting  but she was eliminated from the picture early on . from the technical point of view  the film is also very good . photography by john toll brings a lot of scottish natural beauty to the screen . on the other hand  the musical score by james horner employs too much of modern - day instruments for period piece set in medieval times . although mostly welcomed by critics and audiences alike  braveheart was often criticised for homophobia and other forms of extreme conservatism . the main reason for that was the fact that gibson  among many historical facts  chose to be faithful only to those related to sexual orientation of " longshank " ', s son prince edward ( played by peter hanly ) . he is not only presented as a villain  but also as one of the less competent in villain ', s camp - and portraying of homosexuals as villains or inferior to heterosexuals is almost unforgivable sin in " politically correct " hollywood . to make things even more obvious  good guys in this film are the total opposite of effeminate and incompetent edward - rugged macho men of mountains who are more practical and efficient because they tend to employ conservatives ', common sense instead of fashionable theories of ivory tower liberals . however  although the message of this film might look right - wing  it owes more to leftist ideology of various national liberation movements in 20th century . according to that ideology  oppressed classes ( workers  peasants ) are better suited to fight for national freedom because their members has less to lose in that struggle and  as such  they are more radical  less willing to make compromises and more efficient ; on the other hand  privileged classes ( aristocracy  bourgeoisie ) are more likely to betray the cause of freedom and be in cahoots with foreign oppressors in order to keep their privileges . this marxist worldview is presented in braveheart without any subtlety . in the end  whether the audience is patient enough to discover hidden meanings or simply wants to enjoy entertaining historical epic  braveheart is more than adequate choice for all fans of this recently resurrected genre .
pos if you had a chance to create a genetically perfect child  would you do it ? " gattaca " is a film which presents a future where society has answered " yes " to this question  but then ponders if this was actually the right decision . " gattaca " came out only a couple months following the first genetically engineered creature  the lovable dolly the sheep  and with this in mind  the film only becomes more frightening . the way the realm of genetics is heading  it may only take a couple decades until the future " gattaca " presents becomes true . contrary to the misleading trailers  " gattaca " is not a sci - fi thriller  in the way that there ', s lots of murder  hitchcockian suspense  and chase scenes . this is a quiet  sad film about intelligent theories . in fact  the film seems like it would have been written by george orwell or aldous huxley ( the latter who ', s novel " brave new world " featured genetically engineered children ) . it ', s a film that may likely become a cult hit to people who are frightened by a promise of shallow utopia  which is exactly what " gattaca " presents . . . and the main reason i dug it so much . the story revolves around the genetically insufficient vincent freeman ( ethan hawke )  a man with high hopes but a 90 % chance of heart problems  and a prospected life span of around 30 years . as a child  he was put down because of the threats of genetics  while his younger genetically perfect brother  anton ( loren dean )  was promised whatever his heart desired . vincent yearns to be an astronaut  but when he gets a job at a giant space company  it ', s as a janitor ( ernest borgnine plays his boss ! ) . but one day  he finds out that it ', s probably possible that his desires can come true in the form of a business deal brought out by a black market geneticist ( or something )  german ( " wings " ', tony shalhoub  who did like hundreds of cameos in films back in ', 97 : " men in black  " " a life less ordinary " . . . )  who ', s client is a genetically perfect man  jerome morrow ( jude law )  who has unfortunately been crippled . fortunately  though  there ', s no record of the accident  and he ', s willing to give someone else his life . since vincent looks a bit like him . . . after a couple alterations ( some minor  some really major )  he has donned the life of jerome  and is doing his job . there  he meets a genetically imperfect woman  irene ( uma thurman  who ', s genetically perfect in real life anyway  hee hee )  and the two begin a kind of relationship  albeit a very shallow one since romance is deemed by how great a man ', s stats are . however  a murder of a high - level worker at his office is killed  and one of vincent / jerome ', s eyelashes is found by the anal retentive investigators headed by a semi - wily inspector  hugo  ( alan arkin )  and none other than vincent ', s long lost brother  anton  who hasn ', t seen him since they were teenagers . we know vincent / jerome didn ', t do it  but with his older picture being posted everywhere  not only vincent / jerome ', s in trouble  but also the real jerome  who ', s as much in it as he is . however  there isn ', t many big suspense set pieces  which is actually a blessing because if they were tossed in  the film would lose it ', s message and descend into just being a sci - fi thriller a la william gibson . the suspense in the film comes from the idea that vincent and jerome can easily be captured just by dropping a hair or dead skin . while there are several scenes which are pretty frightening  there are no big distractions from the point of the film  much to the dismay of commercial audiences . what is actually portrayed is the lack of life in the utopian society that is created . irene has no real spunk in her life  and is rather amazed by the sheer beauty of a sunrise rather than genetically perfect people . and the genetically flawless jerome is in actuality a bitter man  claiming that his accident was really no accident . what jerome has done is fool the system in giving a man who yearns for better things a chance at that  and the ending is shocking as it ', s a definite work of dystopian propaganda  but doesn ', t have the down ending of other works of this kind . the production design of this film is probably the best i ', ve seen this year : it ', s stunning  very pleasing to the eye  but still very cold . since genetics has ruled out any chance of improvement  the world has cooled into a state of inhumanity  and the sets echo a sense of shallow misery . and the sequence of all the high - level workers doing their jobs has a kind of gilliam - esque feel to it  showing the nightmare of slipping into a routine zombie - like life . the ability to perfect people has left humanity cold and generally unhappy . the acting from everyone is great  with thurman giving a wonderfully cold performance  and hawke creating a character who has been beaten down by the system but has found a new sense of optimism by a bitter man who was willing to give it out anyway ( interesting pointless fact : uma and ethan started dating after this film  and currently she is pregnant with his child ) . but the best performance belongs to jude law  who steals every scene he ', s in  and creates a character filled with the pessimism over having such a horrible burden placed on his burden . i think that people are generally tempted by the fact that genetics can actually create perfection in a child  but whether or not they would actually act on this temptation is something i ', m not sure of . " gattaca " warns us not to go any farther  chiefly because we ', ll create a world of elitism where the elite are shallow and unhappy  and as bitter and angry as the lesser people are . and when i see a possible future featuring a 12 - fingered piano player  well folks  that just creeps me out .
pos in one scene from " the people vs . larry flynt  " the hustler magazine publisher appears at a self - staged free speech rally . as graphic photos flash on a huge screen behind him  flynt strides confidently across the stage  delivering a rousing speech over what really constitutes obscenity . the spectacle was reminiscent of the scene in " patton " where the general spoke in front of a giant american flag . both scenes were stirring  larger than life  richly entertaining  and felt totally like contrived set pieces for big hollywood movies . overall  that sums up " the people vs . larry flynt . " the film is a wildly entertaining hoot which  despite being based on fact  feels like a big  phony hollywood movie . the son of a kentucky moonshiner  flynt ( woody harrelson ) ran away from home and ended up operating strip clubs in cincinnati . there he met althea leasure ( courtney love )  a bisexual stripper who became his fourth wife and the love of his life . to bolster interest in his clubs  he started a sexually explicit newsletter that grew into hustler magazine . flynt  along with the magazine ', s rag - tag management team  headed by his brother jimmy ( played nicely by woody ', s real - life brother  steak & shake commercial veteran brett harrelson )  viewed playboy magazine with contempt . they mocked its slick articles and airbrushed photos  striving to keep hustler focused on " what guys really want  " explicit photos that would make a gynecologist squirm  and extremely crude humor . the film ', s prime example of hustler ', s attitude is a cartoon depicting characters from the wizard of oz in an orgy  giving the audience an opportunity to giggle at flynt ', s " naughtiness . " director milos forman conveniently ignores the magazine ', s frequent attempts to derive humor from child molestation  racism  and endless scatological cartoons . flynt ', s rag labored in well - deserved obscurity until he published nude photos of jacqueline onassis  which brought the magazine international attention  big money and the attention of conservatives . an obscenity bust followed  the first in a long series of battles between flynt and the law . lawyer alan isaacman ( edward norton ) enters the scene  hired by flynt ', s wife . norton  an exceptional actor  is wonderful as the beleaguered lawyer trying to navigate the legal system while dealing with flynt ', s increasingly childish and bizarre behavior . in court  we meet the sputtering conservatives  headed by citizens for decency leader charles keating ( james cromwell . ) as keating blathers about flynt ', s immorality  the camera slowly moves in for a close - up of his name tag  inviting the audience to gloat at the notion of morality being trumpeted by keating  who was later convicted in a $ 2 billion s & l fraud . flynt ', s other prime foe is rev . jerry falwell  who sues over a hustler parody involving him and his mother having sex in an outhouse . tragedy strikes as flynt is shot by a would - be assassin  leaving him paralyzed from the waist down . a dark period follows  as flynt and leasure hole up in an l . a . suite  strung out on pain killers . flynt eventually kicks drugs  but leasure succumbs to addiction  and later  aids . after watch falwell on tv  describing aids as a punishment from god  flynt directs his lawyer to take the falwell case to the supreme court  leading to the film ', s climactic courtroom scene . " the people vs  larry flynt " is at its weakest when moralizing on free speech and lionizing flynt . " if they ', ll protect a scumbag like me  then they ', ll protect all of you  " declared flynt . he ', s right  of course  but the director forman cheats in portraying the opposition as little more than hypocritical buffoons . he also cheats in casting woody harrelson as flynt . harrelson is an attractive  charismatic man  and his strong performance paints flynt as a colorful folk hero . even a cursory look at the real flynt  who is making the talk show circuit  and plays the judge in an early courtroom scene  shows a bloated  morose and bitter man . an accurate portrayal of flynt would have made a more difficult film to watch  but a richer one . despite its flaws  " flynt " is a fast moving  rousing movie with some terrific acting  especially by courtney love  whose vibrant performance will likely garner an oscar nod . the story may be candy - coated  but it ', s still delicious candy .
pos we all know the fate of " child ', s play  " which is the same for almost any film these days that does marginally well financially : sequel hell . with the newest installment in the quasi - popular series currently out ( that would be " bride of chucky " - and it grossed 11 million in its opening weekend  which i think is the sign of the apocalypse number five )  it ', s kinda fun to go back and see how it all began rougly ten years ago with the original  a task which is a retread for some  and for others ( namely myself ) a chance to see what all the fuss was about . alas  the original " child ', s play " actually isn ', t that bad . even seeing it in the tiny  claustrophobic  and mechanically - challenged theatre at my college wasn ', t the horribly dull experience i thought it would be  not just because of the nicely rowdy crowd ( which you almost need to watch a film like this - and if you don ', t believe me  try and watch this flick by yourself one day )  but because as a whole  this isn ', t a bad movie . it ', s not great  but it does have two things that many horror films like this one don ', t have : 1 ) a rather nifty premise  and 2 ) a sense of humor  both which save this from horror hell  which is precisely where  say  " i know what you did last summer " has recently gone . the premise of " child ', s play " is that a serial killer named charles lee ray ( brad douriff ) is shot and almost killed by a chicago hard - boiled detective ( chris surrandon - see what happens to some oscar nominees ? )  and before he dies  utters a voodoo chant that sends his soul directly into a kid ', s doll called chucky  a doll which has got to be the scariest - looking kid ', s doll i ', ve ever seen . the next day  a bum who ', s stolen it sells it to single - mother karen barclay ( catherine hicks )  who then gives it to her young son andy ( alex vincent ) for his birthday . of course chucky begins talking to the kid and trying to find a way to get out of the doll  but certain twists come up . like the guy he learned voodoo from reveals to him that the only way to break the curse is to take over the body of the first person he told he was inside the doll  that being andy . and soon enough  chucky is killing people either for revenge or for what seems like fun  and people are discovering that chucky isn ', t just a kiddie doll one by one . the idea is a neat one  ripe for lots of comic terror  and luckily it utlizes a lot of that . it plays with an idea stolen from a classic looney toons short that when someone knows that chucky is alive  they tell people about it  but when he tries to prove themselves  chucky does nothing  and everyone thinks they ', re crazy . it plays with this  as well as the whole child - like thought that dolls and toys come to life  and even manages to cram in a couple really frightening moments . even if there ', s an entire sequence devoted to cliches ( a woman alone in a house hears a noise  goes to investigate it  and finds nothing  but wait for the kicker a second later ! )  there ', s also a harrowing car ride with chucky trying to knife the detective from the back seat  and then trying to attack him when the car finally crashes  leaving the viewer with at least rather visceral exprience . the ending is rather fun  as well  albeit a tad too drawn - out ( about four different endings  maybe five )  and the characters are more intelligent than the average horror film line - up  making them easier to sympathize with . if there ', s one horrible thing about many horror films  it ', s that the protagonists are morons who you can ', t help but shout obscenities at  and for the most part  " child ', s play " steers away from that . and most of all  the chucky character is a good one  not just because he provides instant comic relief ( look ! that doll ', s moving on its own ! )  but because he ', s a generally scary character . if there ', s anything really wrong with " child ', s play  " it ', s that it ', s too trite and has too less self esteem . at almost 90 minutes  " child ', s play " features way too less to be a real classic of horror . it throws itself into a simple three act set - up that renders it quick and almost forgettable if it weren ', t for the fact that the film deals with a psychotic doll . if the film had more confidence in what it was presenting  it would really push the envelope and become even more than just a short bit of horror escapism  which is precisely why this kind of film is only memorable as a cheap little horor film . . . which isn ', t necessarily a bad thing . as such  " child ', s play " is content to be just the short  typical horror film  but saves itself via a sense of humor and a nice quasi - campy feel that makes it much more enjoyable than the average short  typical horror film .
pos director : penelope spheeris ( decline of western civilization ii - the : metal years  dudes  & suburbia ) cast : mike myers ( wayne campbell )  dana carvey ( garth algar )  : rob lowe ( benjamin oliver )  tia carrere ( cassandra ) summary : wayne and garth have a public access show called " wayne ', s : world . " the show is a underground hit  until benjamin : oliver comes onto the scene . benjamin wants to turn the : show into a big hit nationwide  possibly destroying the : essence of " wayne ', s world " in the process . [ expectations - medium ] long review =========== i must admit being a bit reluctant going into this film . i didn ', t believe that they ( mike myers and dana carvey ) could hold it up for an hour and a half  i figured that perhaps the first half - hour would be great  and the rest would be " fluff . " however  i was really surprised about how well they were able to keep the laughs going for the virtually the whole film  with the exception of the ending . ( which i won ', t discuss for obvious reasons  but it ', s not * that * bad . ) story : the plot was quite thin  but it really wasn ', t that noticeable  because of the rapid - fire jokes that myers wrote in . alot of the jokes are very similar to hot shots !  in being very " parodyish . " ( okay  bad term . ) extremely witty throughout  although ( as in hot shots ) it got a bit repetitive in the middle . acting : as in many comedies  the acting isn ', t really * that * important . however  myers turns in a good performance as wayne  playing the character perfectly  ( although i still liked him better back on much music  in a more " canadian " type of mode . ) carvey is okay as garth  but he lacks the spark myers puts into wayne . tia carrere is mediocre as cassandra  playing it very stilted . lowe is fine as ben oliver  but is nothing to write home about . without a doubt  this movie is mike myers all the way . direction : spheeris is a classic " music " movie director  making dudes  and decline of western civilization ii -- the metal years . ( she also directed the boys next door  which is different  to say the least . ) she is very capable  knows how direct a comedy  the correct camera movements it instill laughs  etc . one of the better jobs i can remember for a comedy . overall : i would suggest to anyone that likes snl ', s skits to go see this film in the theatres . however  my personal opinion  as in most comedies  is that they work just as well on video . you definately have to be fan of music  and all forms of media in general to enjoy this film . without a doubt  this is the best comedy so far this year . it ', ll make tons ', o ', dough for everyone involved . let ', s just hope they make a thousand sequels . [ sorry  i had to get the lame joke in . . . forgive me . ]
pos natural born killers is really a very simple story that  in essence  has already been told in bonnie & clyde with some major variations in emphasis  mood and degree . both films glamorize " outlaws  " in one case bank robbers and killers and in the other mass murderers . both relate the story of a couple liberated by love . but where bonnie & clyde was partial and subtle  natural born killers is total and blatant . where bonnie & clyde was social  natural born killers is psychological . what bonnie & clyde hinted at  natural born killers confronts and explores . what bonnie and clyde stole  mickey and mallory kill . to examine natural born killers as nothing more than a psychological odyssey of realization and exposure of the frauds surrounding them  expressed metaphorically as killing  subdues the mysterious power this film wields . for the most part  when mickey and mallory kill  they kill all that frustrates them unnecessarily  they kill what is trying to kill them  they kill what dissembles and cowers from life  they kill what needs to be killed . this mythos is at least as old as the hindu trinity . brahma created . vishnu preserved . and siva destroyed  but he destroyed what needed to be destroyed to make way for the useful creations of brahma . the following may be painfully mundane but metaphorically so accurate  i ', m forced to say it for clarity ', s sake : a plumber must remove the old lead and copper pipes  that is  destroy the old plumbing system in order to replace it with the new one made of plastics . your plumber  bonnie and clyde  mickey and mallory  and siva are all productive destroyers . i think you could say without much of a challenge that religion is responsible for more killing and death  presently and historically  than any other phenomena . muslims kill christians . hindus kill muslims . christians kill pagans . jews kill christians  etc . you could reverse subject and predicate in each instance and still not be challenged . religion is an orgy of killing . the institution of the state only misses first place for technical reasons like it hasn ', t been a major player for as long or the two are frequently indistinguishable . " the state is the divine idea upon earth  " hegel said  meaning it is absolute  all - powerful  ineffable  unassailable  infallible  authoritarian and patriarchal just like jhvh  allah  god  etc . well  what does all this have to do with natural born killers ? let me first say that religions of this nature  in the ideal  take the place of sex . consider the catholic church  which in its hey - dey  took religion as seriously as any other religion or institution ever . god takes the place of sex as manifested in all those vows of celibacy taken by the pope  cardinals  bishops  monks  etc . they forego the one  in order to come closer to the other . during the middle ages  when this doctrine was unmitigated and unchallenged  the most repressive regime the west has ever known in terms of scope and magnitude rose to power . ( parenthetically  witness plato as well . in the republic  he attempted to launch the first systematic absolutist regime . not coincidentally he was something of a mystic himself  regularly assailing the passions . ) catholicism  as policy  attacks the passions as evil . it sees intercourse only as a means to perpetuate the species not as a way to pleasure . masturbation is considered a sin with the sacrament of penance necessary for absolution . this is religion  this is authoritarianism in its essence . as further evidence  the nazis had the same attitudes as the church on these matters . our culture  most of the cultures of the world have been steeped in this tradition for thousands of years . we can ', t help but adopt  even internalize some of these same authoritarian attitudes  leading to a destructive split between the biological and social self . mickey and mallory knox internalized them  too  then through spontaneous sexual awareness sparked in each one of them by the presence of the other  discovered them  and began expurgating them from themselves and from the world in the process unifying themselves . it is a straightforward liberation through sex . as some good patriarch once observed  " you can maintain control as long as everyone keeps their clothes on . " m & m had a vision of what the world would be like without contradictions . they saw what civilization and culture and everyday life would be like under such conditions . " the moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers  " as mickey says . as a the most consistent and impassioned critic of western culture there is nietzsche applying his typical stridency to the matter : let us look each other in the face . we are hyberboreans -- we know well enough how remote our place is . " neither by land nor by water will you find the road to the hyberboreans " : even pindar  in his day  knew that much about us . beyond the north  beyond ice  beyond death -- our life  our happiness . . . . we have discovered that happiness ; we know the way ; we got our knowledge of it from thousands of years in the labyrinth . who else has found it ? -- the man of today ? -- " i don ', t know either the way out or the way in ; i am whatever doesn ', t know either the way out or the way in " -- so sighs the man of today . . . . this is the sort of modernity that made us ill -- we sickened in lazy peace  cowardly compromise  the whole virtuous dirtiness of the modern yea and nay . this tolerance and largeur of the heart that " forgives " everything because it " understands " everything is a sirocco to us . rather live amid the ice than among modern virtues and other such south - winds ! as far as i can tell  this is what the movie has to say . its alleged critique of the media is only secondary  tertiary  quaternary  subsidiary for sure . for example wayne gayle ', s first report ends with some gen x dude saying  " if i were a mass murderer i ', d be mickey and mallory  " in his most excellent bill and ted voice . on one level you cd make the humdrum observation that because the media had glamorized these two psychopaths that the uncritical  impressionable gen x dumb guy confused the matter and took them for heroes . it seems more likely that he made an independent judgement at a subconscious level recognizing what m & m were up to and confessing that if he had the balls to be so honest with himself he ', d be just like them  killing and destroying what deserves it . let me exemplify what i ', ve been saying by analyzing a scene from the film  namely the scene where mallory fucks the gas station attendant  kills him  and then castigates him for giving her " the worst fuckin ', head i ', ve ever had in my life ! ! ! " now  i never claimed that mickey and mallory had a perfect relationship  because demonstrably they didn ', t  and this scene and the ones leading up to it show us this . sometimes they are the source of each others frustrations  but unwilling to kill each other  since they love each other so much and are responsible for each others liberation  they must kill in place of their lever . it ', s no secret that in this scene mallory fantasized that her victim was mickey . as the attendant approached he took on mickey ', s character in the eyes of mallory . she needed to kill him because of he kidnapped that girl in the hotel room and was having secret fantasies about her while making love to mallory . upon discovery  mallory views this as a betrayal  judges him  and commutes his sentence on someone else . the style of the movie is a whole ', nother matter that i won ', t get into very deeply but surely it is partially responsible for its power . let me just say that its editing has the opposite effect of a western with shots that linger forever on a salon entrance or the like suggesting the expansiveness  barreness and boredom of the frontier lifestyle . the rapid succession of all those 8mm  16mm  35mm images from various perspectives with a soundtrack sometimes in sync and sometimes out of sink instills a skittish  frenetic mood . also  jungian archetypes abound . these can ', t help but trigger deep psychological responses we can barely understand especially when they flash across the screen for barely a few frames . some of the best scenes and lines that come to mind . ( quotes are paraphrased only ) : mickey to mallory : " one of these days i ', m gonna be cummin ', for you  " in prison  while mallory jacks mickey off . semen is a symbol for great potential and things to come . at the time they haven ', t yet had sex nor have they killed anyone yet . the two of course go hand in hand . for an even more explicit semen scene see silence of the lambs . mickey during his marriage to mallory : " as creator of my universe  i pronounce us man and wife . " the way woody delivers this line is truly haunting  but telling  too . it reveals m & m are well on their way to expunging all their destructive tendencies and replacing them with positive ones . this is what mickey means by " creator of my universe  " he is giving himself or creating for himself healthy attitudes . it is not necessarily a schizophrenic retreat into solipsism as it first appears . scagnetti ', s first meeting with mallory is through her pubic hair he plucks from the gas station attendant ', s mouth . the indian sage releasing mallory ', s father  who was reincarnated as a snake : " old man  go be a snake  " after telling his " snake story " that ends with " bitch  you knew i was a snake . " after mickey shoots this sage to death during a bewildering nightmare  mallory says  " you killed life ! ! ! " this is another telling quote because it implies they didn ', t see themselves as killers of life . then what were they killing up to that time ? in some case just those zombies faking their way through life  the living dead  as it were . in other cases  all the anti - life forces  the cops and their parents . the butterfly just before the movie shifts into the prison . it of course symbolizes rebirth . dr . emil reingold  as portrayed by steven wright  passing judgement on m & m : " mickey and mallory know the difference between right and wrong  they just don ', t give a damn . " this is reminiscent of nietzsche ', s whole philosophy  and maybe a direct reference to his beyond good and evil . mickey : " the rabbit says the moment of realization is worth 1000 prayers . " mickey ( again in his interview ) : " me and you  we are not the same species . " notice when the escape is in progress we get some role reversals in terms of leadership and control . mickey the prisoner becomes the leader of his little gang . the wardens become prisoners and the civilians like wayne gayle and his producer follow the leader  no matter who it is . mickey : how ya feelin ', ? wayne : fucking great ! mickey : you got the feelin ', ? wayne : i ', m alive . i ', m alive for the first fuckin ', time ! what an incredible transformation this is . he got the feeling and he couldn ', t contain himself . what a feeling . that feeling of metaphysical freedom that you can create your own universe . mickey when almost caught in a dead end  " think  think  think  think . " go figure it out . dwight ( tommy lee jones ) in general  because he may be the sickest fuck in the whole film . his whole attitude can be summed up with  " destroy them ! ! ! "
pos the bond series is an island in the film world ; where else would we look forward to cliches  and all of the other things that occur in most of these films ? where else would pure escapism  a vulnerable hero  the " talking villains  " blatant product placement  predictable action sequences  and lots of promiscuity be hoped for instead of a significant change ? i don ', t understand it myself  but that ', s what the bond series is based on . for ( i think ) 18 films  we ', ve mostly got the same thing over and over again  with some variation ( and a bit of change  most notably in the two dalton films ) . but even i  a king of cynicism  can ', t bitch about it . and " tomorrow never dies  " the ( again  i think ) eighteenth bond film  and second brosnan bond film  is no exception . thank god ! the plot  as in most of them  is pure balderdash  but seems to have a nice kind of edge to it . instead of just plain billionaire psychotics  we get a rupert murdoch - esque media mogul / psychotic - elliot carver ( jonathan pryce  looking bitching with a white - haired cru cut  and always talking like he ', s out of breath )  who has the admittingly ingenius idea of getting ratings by creating a war . no  this is not " wag the dog " - he wants a real war  between china and england  and is stupid enough to put the coverage out before anyone else discovered it . . . in comes bond . james is sent all around the world  trying to do research on carver  fighting with his men  and running into ( on more than one occasion ) a chinese secret agent like him : wai lin ( michelle yeoh  asian action star extraordinaire . . . and co - star of " supercop  " nearly stealing the screen from jackie chan in that one ) . the two eventually  and predictably of course  begin working together  and yes  there is some sexual tension between the two . luckily  their relationship is never strained  and she never gives into his cassanova - ness until the finale . thank god again . in every bond film  james bags  on average  three women ( sometimes more  sometimes less - the latter being more potent towards the aids - cautionary dalton )  and he doesn ', t spoil this one ( though we never see them  of course - i mean  they need to stay around a pg - 13 rating ) . there ', s always one at the beginning with some chick we never see again  the big bond girl ( yeoh )  and this time we have an almost - cameo by teri hatcher as carver ', s wife  paris  who  it seems  was once one of the girls he bags at the beginning . yes  teri ', s very attractive  but she seems kind of dull . of course  it ', s not really her fault ; her part is under - written  and she ', s only in a small part of it . oh well . and there are always the big henchmen  the guys who do the dirty work for the polished big villains . this time we get a tall  arian - looking ( not to mention robert shaw in " from russia with love " - looking ) guy named stamper ( goetz otto )  who is pretty awesome  although a bit stiff ( well  mostly his posture  really ) . and for a bit of comedy  we get a cameo from vincent shiavelli as a german or austrian assassin who is ordered to do in bond at one point . the government people have small parts  as usual  with q ( desmond llewelyn  looking near death  sadly ) getting only one scene ( in a more grouchy mood than usual )  and m ( judi dench )  getting more than m usually gets ( i mean  it is judi dench ) . and for no reason whatsoever  except ', cause he was so good in " goldeneye  " joe don baker shows up again as wade  admitting he has no reason for being there  and is this time more annoying . again  oh well . the action sequences are not a let - down  although sometimes go on too long . they pop up every now and then  mainly because they have to ( for the sake of the series )  and some significant ones are the opening one  one in a garage with a bmw that runs on remote control  and a motorcylce chase ( on a bmw cycle  nonetheless ) through china streets ( or was it vietnam . . . the plot ', s not really essential ) . they ', re more high - tech  and feature much more laughs  which  yeah  i dig . so what if they ', re distracting ; they ', re supposed to be ! the acting  from most around is great . yeoh is  actually  one of the better bond girls  mainly because she ', s so unique . the better bond girls are more independent  and have a certain wily - ness to them . pussy galore  with her homoerotic undertones and all  is one of the best  and diana rigg  who married bond at the end of " on her majesty ', s secret service " only to be killed  added some emotional depth . yeoh is notable since she ', s so active  and has great chemistry with brosnan . pryce is an awesome villain  being slimy and lovable at the same time . and brosnan is  once again  the mack daddy . the bond series is built on cliches  mainly because they ', re so fun and add to the escapism . if you can remember the dalton years  and they ', re serious direction  you remember how unsuccessful they were  both financially and aesthetically . the series would falter if bogged down with too much plot  too many themes  and too much characterization . i don ', t really understand it myself  yet i ', m one of the bigger fans of the series in the northeast united states . having seen all of them more than once ( yes  i ', ve seen this twice already )  you can tell i adore them . while it ', s not one of the best  like " goldfinger " or " from russia with love  " " tomorrow never dies " is nonetheless a truly awesome installment  even if not being as fully amazing as some of the better ones .
pos this sometimes - tedious and often - moving documentary charts the life and times of anne frank  the young diarist and most - famous victim of adolph hitler . writer / director / producer jon blair has collected a staggering amount of historical material on both anne and the frank family . we meet miep gies  one of the family ', s protectors who is still alive . she recounts how she found the diary in the days after the germans captured the franks . we watch otto frank  anne ', s father and surviving family member  in interview footage filmed before his death . blair successfully combines these clips  footage  and other historical records to recount exactly what happened during that terrible period of european history . as narrated by kenneth branagh and with diary excepts read by glenn close  anne frank remembered retells more than just anne ', s story . we meet and learn about the * many * friends  family members  and acquaintances whose lives were touched by this young woman and her writings . winner of the last year ', s academy award for best documentary .
pos john sayles ', " men with guns " is about what happens to a society when brute force and constant threat of violence are the only means of gaining and maintaining power . the film takes place in an unnamed central american country  where the men with guns are the rulers . most of the country is divided into tiny segments - some are controlled by guerrillas with guns  some are controlled by army soldiers with guns  and all the spaces in - between are controlled by thieves  bandits  and terrorists . all people not fitting one of those descriptions are defined only by their powerlessness . however  like so many central american countries  this one also features modernity . there is an unnamed capital city that bears all the hallmarks of contemporary civilization : skyscrapers  hospitals  televisions  highways  etc . but  it might as well be in another country because those who live in the comforts of the city have either decided to ignore the violence ravaging the rest of the land  or else they are simply ignorant of it . the film ', s main character  dr . fuentes ( federico luppi ) falls into the latter category . one of his patients  an army general  describes him as the most educated man he has ever met  and also the most naive . fuentes is a true liberal  a caring man who thinks he can cure the ills of his country by fighting bacteria and ignorance among the indigenous indians . with government assistance  he has trained a large group of eager young medical students and sent them into the rainforest to cure and educate . this program was to be his legacy  and he repeats over and over that it was a good idea . however  when he ventures into that same rainforest to visit his prot ? g ? s  he finds that things have not turned out as he has envisioned . as he travels deeper into the forest  going from village to village  the story is always the same : the doctors were all killed by either the guerrillas or the army soldiers  usually for helping the other . when dr . fuentes asks a village woman why the army killed one of the doctors  she replies simply  " because they had guns  and we didn ', t . " rational science and all its attempts to cure have been wiped out by the men with guns  because others ', sickness and ignorance helps them maintain power . dr . fuentes picks up several companions during his journey  all of whom are characterized by their loss . first  there is a young boy named conejo ( dan rivera gonz ? lez )  who has neither a mother nor a father . next  fuentes crosses paths with a thief named domingo ( dami ? n delgado )  who deserted the army because he was tired of being jeered into committing murderous atrocities . through his ordeal in the army  domingo has lost most of his self - respect  and defines himself only by his pistol . along the way  the group also picks up padre portillo ( dami ? n alc ? zar )  a priest who has lost his faith . as domingo is running from the army  so is portillo - he has been labeled a guerrilla sympathizer  and ran away from the village in which he was preaching . last  the group takes on a mute girl named graciela ( tania cruz )  who hasn ', t spoken since she was raped two years earlier  her innocence and even her will to live forcefully taken from her . sayles two major strengths as a director - characters and setting - are abundantly evident in " men with guns . " ( like many of his films  sayles might have tightened this one somewhat in the editing room  but a longer - than - necessary running time is a sin almost always committed when the director is also the editor . ) he creates fascinating  complex characters  especially dr . fuentes and domingo . their uneasy relationship is also somewhat humorous in context of the film ', s overarching theme of violence as power - domingo ', s attempts to control fuentes with his revolver are constantly undermined by fuentes ', belief that the revolver is unloaded ( at first it is  but later is isn ', t ) . the setting is also as thick with detail as the rainforest itself . sayles knows how to bring a location to life  whether it be an early twentieth - century coal mining town in " matewan " ( 1987 ) or a contemporary texas / mexico bordertown in " lone star " ( 1996 ) . sayles is not a particularly inventive director - he likes to let his actors do most of the work - but he and cinematographer slavomir idziak ( " gattaca " ) successfully evoke both the beauty and the danger of the central american terrain . sayles also maintains a strong sense of authenticity by filming everything on location in mexico  using all latin american actors  and having all the dialogue spoken in either spanish or native indian dialects . the one exception is a couple of bumbling american tourists who work not only as comic relief  but as evidence of just how clueless the united states is about what is going on a few hundred miles south of the texas border . it would not be a stretch to say that " men with guns " is a depressing film . in fact  the two feelings it evokes most are hopelessness and failure . in addition to loss  the main characters are also failures at something  whether that be dr . fuentes failure to change anything through medicine  or padre portillo ', s inability to stand up and be the martyr he always dreamed of being . nevertheless  it is bleak material sayles has chosen  and he deals with it accordingly . the last shot of the film does offer a hint of hope  even in a world where  as one character puts it  " nobody refuses the men with guns . "
pos plot : during a 10 - week span in london in the fall of 1888  jack the ripper  a man whose identity was never uncovered  committed five ritualistic  grisly murders of prostitutes . this film is based on the graphic novel which assembled a theory behind the century - old mystery . critique : awesome ! i love dark movies  i love stylish movies  i love good mysteries and i love johnny depp . . . so yes  i really dug this movie ! the hughes brothers are back with a vengeance  out to show the world that they are directors to be taken seriously  and this movie  my friends . . . is very serious ! in fact  it ', s also very gruesome and bloody and morbid and creepy and black as hell . it ain ', t for the kids  i ', ll tell you that much . and if any of those recent hack directors of two - bit scream - esque slasher flicks want some advice on effective " kill scenes "  do not look any further  because each one committed to this film is a cinematic stunner  especially when compared to their generic slice - and - dice contrivances . in fact  most of this film ', s structure is very creative  the actors  all solid  the atmosphere and " feel " of the picture  remarkably real ( gotta love those " unfortunates " )  and the descent into darkness  well honed by the filmmakers . you can almost taste the seediness off the screen and quickly come to appreciate the politics of the time . but it ', s also an impressive mystery film  based on the true - life tale of jack the ripper  a man whose identity was never discovered . the theory in this film is based on the graphic novel " from hell " written by alan moore and presents a compelling story  which despite being a little oliver stone - ish  did manage to tie up all of its loose ends quite nicely  and present us with an entertaining bowl of mayhem  sexual depravity  drug usage  insanity  murders and love ? yes  the brothers even managed to slip a little " love " story in here  and despite not truly being developed  i guess it could ', ve been much worse and taken up more time than was provided already . that ', s right  there ', s no real need to put any " romance " in a film about a mass murderer ! but that aside  you gotta give up the props to actor extraordinaire johnny depp  who once again possesses the strength in character and flawless acting abilities  to center this movie all the way through . sure  he ', s just playing a less goofier version of his ichabod crane character from sleepy hollow  but he does it so well and even added a michael caine accent to his mixed bag of tricks in this one . i was also surprised at how little heather graham annoyed me in this film ( i was sure that her presence would ruin this movie  but she was fine ) and how little the dreams / fantasies of depp ', s character had to do with the film ', s development ( from what i had seen in the trailer  i thought the filmmakers were going to make this the crux of the story  but thankfully  it wasn ', t ) . on the downside  the film doesn ', t really explain the whole freemasons cult organization real well and lacks character development . but then again  a story about the most mysterious serial killer of all - time is probably not the ideal spot for character refinement . i mean  the less i knew about each person  the more suspicious i became of each one ', s motives  reasons  etc . . . in fact  i was actually quite surprised by who was presented as the killer in the end  and that was in part  due to the distance to which i ', d been held from the film ', s characters . . . or am i giving the filmmakers too much credit for something that might not have been their intention ? perhaps . overall  this is an extremely creepy production  with glorious cinematography ( reminiscent of coppola ', s dracula and burton ', s sleepy hollow )  a grim score and solid acting . but it ', s not for everyone . some may be utterly repulsed by the gory particulars of these tragic events  and even though the murders aren ', t shown as graphically as you might think  there ', s enough here to send the squeamish right out the doors . but i for one love movies that blend their eclectic visual style with an interesting mystery and palpable  gothic atmosphere  and this flick is just that and plenty more ! and god knows that i will certainly not be surrendering the burnt image of jack the ripper ', s haunting cape silhouette and gleaming silver knife from my mind anytime soon . . . brrrrr ! where ', s joblo coming from ? the crow ( 9 / 10 ) - dark city ( 9 / 10 ) - dracula ( 7 / 10 ) - jfk ( 9 / 10 ) - the nightmare before christmas ( 10 / 10 ) - the ninth gate ( 8 / 10 ) - the others ( 9 / 10 ) - quills ( 8 / 10 ) - shadow of the vampire ( 6 / 10 ) - sleepy hollow ( 8 / 10 )
pos in ` enemy at the gates ',  jude law is a gifted russian sniper made hero by a political officer named danilov ( joseph fiennes ) who uses him in a propaganda newspaper to raise the hopes of the soldiers and people of stalingrad . it ', s world war ii  and the russian - german standoff in town could determine the outcome of things for the motherland . law ', s vassili is the russian ', s top pawn to victory . lots of war stuff happens . an older  german version of jude ', s character played by ed harris shows up halfway into the proceedings . he ', s equally talented  and the two men play a cat and mouse game trying to kill each other . they constantly switch roles  as the war fades far into the background . the cast also includes the terrific rachel weisz as a love interest for both vassili and danilov the set - up is decent  and so are the production values . boasting a wide range of grimy locales  greasy hair  and tattered costumes  the art direction prospers . the actors  however  suffer the problem matt damon had in ` saving private ryan ', . either their eyes  teeth  skin  or a combination of other features looked too white and clean . with dirt and blood all around  the blinding teeth or bright eyes of these actors divert attention from the action . that said  the players are mostly good in their roles  although i don ', t think ed harris was really trying . maybe he realized his role struck a difficult chord in one - notedom . while the film is technically about snipers  there are far too many predictable sniping scenes . director jean - jacques annaud expects us to view each tense situation with jude and some cohort in a tight spot as edgy and exciting  but after about the sixth time  in which we realize that jude is not going to die  it ', s relatively pointless . we get that he ', s talented  okay  let ', s move on . that ', s the problem with ` enemy at the gates ', ; it just doesn ', t know when to stop . witness the wasted seventeen minutes that could have been spent elsewhere . reestablishing his title as the most beautiful ( and often talented ) man on film  jude law carries the movie . without him  this costly production would have gone into the ground . the story and acting are of good quality  but there ', s never a sense of authenticity or reality . something about this war movie is undeniably modern  and it loses its feeling . strange enough  the screenplay is based on the true story of a real russian sniper .
pos it ', s been a good long while since we had a good old fashioned thriller  where mostly everything goes right for the audience and wrong for the characters  but it ', s been even longer since i saw a thriller that actually * shock * cared for the characters  not merely judged them but actually allowed their human foibles  flaws  and strengths to emerge so radiantly . i ', d saw that it ', s been at least a couple decades  even as far back to the great hitchcock thrillers  though i ', m hardly comparing " a simple plan " to  say  " rear window " or " strangers on a train . " yet it ', s almost as good . it ', s simple  yet strangely complex  and astonishingly rewarding  because instead of moving from plot point to plot point  and merely laying out they - might - be - caught overtones  it instead concerns itself with the moral corruption and depths of greed that its protagonists can go to  all without ever judging them as either evil or even immoral . elegantly directed by sam raimi ( yes  the same )  " a simple plan " concerns itself with the discovery of a crashed plane and within a bag full of millions of dollars by an upright  moderately financially stable working man ( bill paxton )  his dim - witted brother ( billy bob thornton )  and his drinking buddy ( brent briscoe ) . without anyone around  and the possibility that no one would come looking for it  the three debate and debate but finally reach the decision that yes  they will keep it  but until any authorities or possible owners of the cash come looking  and so they generally don ', t flaunt anything they don ', t want to flaunt  they ', ll keep it stored away in the custody of paxton . the possibilites of this circumstance are much diverse : a ) they could endlessly play cat and mouse with the authorities ; b ) they could try to fight off the rightful owners  who are either villainous or just ; or c ) they could fight amongst themselves . " a simple plan  " though borrows a little from each of these . a little tiff with the cops here  a subplot involving an alleged fbi agent ( a chilling gary cole ) there )  and a bit of inside feuding over here . but  as austin powers would say  that ', s not necessarily its bag ( baby ) . what i most admired about this film  and what makes this a far superior and unique thriller is that it ', s successfully able to have its cake and eat it too . it effectively involves some of the traditional thriller cliches  like the ones mentioned above  but at the same time  it involves itself more deeply with the way the characters become morally corrupt and what price they have to pay to have what they think is happiness in a black duffle bag . so while steps are taken to neatly cover things up  and these subsequent steps go miserably awry  the film choses to never loose the sight that in covering things up to the extent that these characters have to  they are slowly losing their souls and their humanity . in one early scene  paxton and thornton have to make a trip back to the plane to return some of the money so it doesn ', t look like it was all stolen ( not a bad idea )  when thornton screws up ( as he does continuously throughout the movie )  and paxton has to do some major covering - up ( read : homicide ) . instead of a quick murder and immeadiate hands - washing  raimi shows a lengthy  painful shot from a low - angle onto paxton ', s face as he tries to sift through his emotions and reach a conclusion . there ', s a similar shot afterwards of paxton watching the murder he ', s committing and taking in all the horror which is also wonderfully effective  but the previous shot is even better : more morally complex and more gut - wrenching . in short  probably the best piece of direction raimi ', s ever done  demonstrating once again that sometimes the simplest way to do something yields the best results ( for further proof  watch " persona " ', s " sex scene " and witness what may be the best scene ingmar bergman ', s ever done ) . but the film hardly stops here ; it follows completely through and rarely loses sight of its characters humanity and the depletion thereof . yet it also moves from step to step in such a graceful method that we never feel like the film is merely stamping out the plot points of the story . when the time comes for paxton to start becoming selfish and thus diabolical ( with aid from his pregnant wife  played by bridget fonda  a pal to raimi )  he does  and soon the horror of the situation is escalating to tragic heights . there ', s at least two grand shootouts  and at least one of them may be one of the greatest shootouts in cinema history  and when they arrive  they don ', t come with masochistic delight but with cringe - inducing horror . during the one  i was actually sinking into my chair  with the mantra " they can ', t do this  can they ? " streeming through my head . in fact  this film  which is getting many comparisons to the coen ', s [ superior  but forget about it ] " fargo  " has many similar moments of manic insanity  attributed to the major amount of subtlety and restraint with which the directors direct what  in other hands  would be over - the - top distractedness ( imagine  i suppose  robert rodriguez directing this . . . then again  after seeing the " evil dead " films  i ', d hardly assume raimi would be able to pull something like this off  although there are moments of the film which are easily dubbed " raimi " moments  a rifle - shot notwithstanding ) . instead  raimi directs with maturity and a gentle touch  easily letting the story and characters co - exist  while still letting some of the more traditional raimi elements come out  like some offbeat comic touches . most particularly  billy bob thornton ', s character  jacob  is a brilliant creation . his dim - wittedness is often hilarious ( for most of the film  every line he uttered was greeted with howling laughter )  but there ', s authenticity to the performance that strangely enough makes sure that we ', re not totally laughing at him . the chuckles he gets are not necessarily ones of full - condescension because thornton is so damn real . jacob ', s a multi - dimensional character  and while being stupid  we see that as not so much a flaw  but a strength to his character : his simplicity is endearing and many of the acts he commits are out of a strong inner strength and belief system  primarily towards the middle where his bud and co - conspirator begins to make some heavy waves concerning the money . the final third of the film spends much time with him  and many of the touches upon his character  not only by thornton but also by screenwriter scott b . smith ( adapting his own book  by the way ) are just great . i particularly admired a back story about an old high school girlfriend  told by thornton with such sincerity and acception that the cruel story is reversed to near - sweetness and further strength of his saddened character . thornton is absolutely brilliant in this performance  by far the best performance he ', s ever given and further proof that he ', s the best character actor in contemporary cinema ( if you don ', t believe me  go back and watch his wonderful performance in " primary colors  " a performance that would have been nominated for an oscar if this hadn ', t been in the same year ) because he ', s easily able to slip into a character  and make him completely and utterly believable . he brings so much weight to the film that  as it is with most character actors  it ', s difficult picturing anyone else in the role . the rest of the cast is great too  from paxton ', s declining working man to chelcie ross ', amiable town sheriff . even fonda shows off her talents nicely . and if i had any complaints about the film  it ', s that the plot is almost too simplistic  and that at times  it seems too much like an exercise  like a cruel test on humanity that still pays attention to the humanity involved . and the occasional narration is  as it usually is  annoying ( narration should be used with extreme caution  especially when you ', re trying to set things up and / or express emotions - didn ', t raimi watch the first murder scene ? ) . and  the thing that can most usually go wrong with a movie  the ending is basically amiss . i won ', t reveal it  but it ', s way too cruel and too much of an outsider set - up  as if the appearance of a plane wasn ', t already too much of that anyway . for a film that deals so much and so intimately with the humanity of the characters involved  this is the wrong ending . imagine a character - controlled ending ; otherwise  it ', s like if in " crime and punishment " if the police had caught him instead of him breaking down and confessing . . . not that i ', m at all comparing " a simple plan " to dostoevsky . the ending does work  despite my protestations  but to me  there was something incessantly nagging and unsatisfying about it ; but if you had no qualms and were happy as a clam with it  then just ignore me and go about your day . but despite my mere claims  make no mistake that i was completely and utterly edge of my seat throughout  and even sometimes curdling up by the situations that occured  not because of any kind of gore factor ( which is  thankfully for this  very minimal )  but because the film places its characters in situations and gives them such painful things to overcome that i ', ve frankly not seen much like it in quite awhile . at least not since the previous worthy hitchcockian masterpiece .
pos some of my friends who went to live in usa complain about one thing - that country is very different from the one depicted in hollywood movies . that is especially true for those who end up somewhere in that unexplored land between los angeles and new york where they find  to their big surprise  that the majority of people vote republican  go to church every sunday and usually don ', t tolerate liberal attitudes that are taken for granted in an average american film . such rude awakening  however  can happen in another direction - conservative people are sometimes forced to discover unpleasant truths about world they live in . something like that happens to jake van dorn ( george c . scott )  successful grand rapids businessman who shares strong calvinist convictions with the rest of his community . one day his daughter kristen ( ilah davis ) disappears from calvinist youth convention in california . van dorn is worried because he doesn ', t believe that his daughter would run from home . however  the truth delivered by private investigator andy mast ( peter boyle ) is even harder - kristen is spotted in cheap pornographic film . infuriated van dorn is unsatisfied with the way mast ', s investigation is going  so he goes to los angeles to search for kristen himself . unfortunately  he lacks experience and the quest  that brought him to the utter depths of sex underworld  is fruitless . things change when he devises cunning plan and  while doing it  stumbles on sympathetic prostitute and part time porno actress nicky ( season hubley ) . almost two decades after its release  hardcore is mostly forgotten by critics and film scholars . it is a real shame  because very few movies in today ', s hollywood would dare tackle controversial issues that writer and director paul schrader explored in his second directorial attempt . in late 1970s  it was totally different situation - films were expected to have mature  serious themes for the mature audience . for schrader this film was nice opportunity to expand the subplot of his previous work  taxi driver - one that deals with the great generational divide that tormented the american society in 1970s . on one side we have an old america that sticks to the puritan ideals of hard work and strict morals that made that country great . but that america is obviously unable to cope with the new challenges brought by the social turmoil in 1960s and  instead of facing them  prefers to live in rural  conservative cocoons . the new america  on the other hand  fares no better - ideals of the so - called " sexual revolution "  same as all other " revolutions " of the swinging sixties  degraded into exploitation and depravity . instead of being " liberated "  baby boomers are stuck with their own inability to cope with the newly discovered freedoms . schrader very cleverly brings the idea that those two americas  actually  aren ', t so far away - nice example is a brilliant scene in which van dorn  already described as an authoritarian and paternalistic capitalist  meets sleazy porno producer ; the latter one also turns out to be authoritarian  paternalistic and very dedicated to this job . the difference between the two is simply in the line of work . many contemporary critics actually accused schrader of promoting conservative agenda . on the surface  it may look that way - audience is forced to sympathise with van dorn and his quest . in the first scenes  he is portrayed as nice family man who actually doesn ', t deserve to experience parent ', s worst nightmare . the scene in the porno cinema that reveals kristen ', s fate is extremely cruel ; pain and humiliation  brought by oscar - winning actor george c . scott  is of such intensity  that the audience feels sorry for him and simply must support his agenda . van dorn is perhaps flawed  and the subtle hints lead to the unflattering truth at the end ; but the viewers simply know that his cause is just  and that prodigal daughter must be better off with her loving father than with the sleazy pornographers that only want to exploit her body . on the other hand  schrader  who grew up in an environment very much like van dorn ', s ( his own parents wouldn ', t allow him to watch movies until he was 18 )  knows better and tries to bring another side of coin . even the people connected with sex underworld can show redeeming qualities - like nicky  who actually tries to improve her life  and sleazy detective who develops something like a conscience at the end . unfortunately  schrader fails to erase the impact of the shocking scene at the beginning  and his attempt to reconcile the opposing sides of america seems lost in somewhat clich ? d finale . the script is slightly flawed  and schrader as director doesn ', t show too much originality - his style seems too influenced by techniques that scorsese used in taxi driver . apart from the scenes in grand rapids  those two films even look alike . but the content might be more than interesting for today ', s viewer  especially those inspired by the current 70s revival . until boogie nights  no hollywood mainstream movie ever dared to explore the phenomenon of pornography in 1970s . hardcore  on the other hand  might serve as precious document  because it depicts sex film industry in the period often regarded as the golden age by connoisseurs - before the advent of video  when many of the porno filmmakers could afford to think of themselves as artists . the view of such age and the industry is very unflattering  though  but for the film whose main character takes time to explain calvinist doctrines to the audience  that shouldn ', t be too surprising . anyway  despite some flaws  hardcore remains very interesting and powerful piece of cinema .
pos vampire lore and legend has always been a popular fantasy element  substantiated by not only the sheer number of movies about the subject  but also the proliferation of cults and sects of adherents . and  unlike any of the more outlandish myths  the vampire holds some real - world probability ( one study claims 1  000 bloodsuckers exist worldwide  and places 50 in los angeles ) . but lest the nasties be mistaken for simple comic book bad guys  john carpenter would like to remind us that they are - and always have been - a truly frightening element of the thriller genre . and remind us he does in his latest film  vampires . there was some question  as halloween weekend approached  of how well vampires would do in comparison to new line cinema ', s immensely successful blade  released in august . the two films take noticeably different stands on the vampire issue  and don ', t even agree on some basic points of the slaying method . ( for instance  blade ', s main weapons are silver and garlic  whereas main character jack crow ', s technique is a wooden stake to the heart . ) blade also gives more of a face to the vampire civilization  while carpenter would like us to remain in the dark about how the pasties operate . both have their advantages  and here  carpenter ', s style lends itself to a darker breed of suspense rather than the action movie that blade director stephen norrington delievered . when it ', s all said and done  though  the vampires still kill and die with a bloody flourish ; the level for gore is indeed set to maximum . this time  our hero is vatican - sponsored slayer jack crow ( james woods ) . he ', s a cynical  battle - worn veteran  and the best of his bunch . he and his team are responsible for cleaning out the american southwest  and after exterminating a nest one night  they run up against a super - vampire ( termed a " master " ) named valek ( thomas ian griffith ) . valek kills all of jack ', s team except for his partner  tony montoya ( daniel baldwin )  and as the two regroup  they learn that valek is the original vampire - now over six hundred years old . apparently  valek and his minions have been sweeping the southwest for decades in search of a cross that will enable them to walk in the daytime . so with the aid of a priest named adam ( tim guinee ) and a bitten hooker ( sheryl lee ) as bait  they track valek down for the final confrontation . the script for vampires  written by don jakoby and based on the john steakley novel  is perhaps the wittiest piece of screenplay to see production all year . crow  in particular  is a fun source of one - liners  and woods does every one of them with perfect stoicism . baldwin  lee  and guinee are all fine supports  adding to the character pool  but the other true highlight of the movie is thomas ian griffith ', s bad guy . griffith ', s intense expression is perfect for the role  and the only downside is that he ', s got to talk sometime . luckily  he ', s got few lines  and manages to pull off a rather thrilling performance . all said  fans will surely be impressed by this picture  and those who found apt pupil a bit limp will be excited by this one . certainly a worthwhile visit to the theaters .
pos if the current trends of hollywood filmmaking continue  we are probably five or six years away from the moment when the 1980s would become the next golden age of movie nostalgia . although some hollywood products already use the last decade as a background for their stories ( mostly in ironic way  like grosse pointe blank and romy & michelle ', s high school reunion )  some time should pass before the good memories of that era overcome the bad ones . until that happens  1980s would be remembered as the decade of greed  when the revolutionary ideals of 1960s turned into its cruel  materialistic opposite and the money became the only thing that matters . contemporary movies are good in illustrating what was bad for the people who had to live in those times . one of such movies  one that probably brings the essence of 1980s to the screen  is william friedkin ', s to live and die in l . a . the money isn ', t just the symbolic motive in the film  it is the major elements of the plot . rick masters ( willem dafoe ) is an ex - convict who used his artistic abilities in order to become one of the best counterfeiters in l . a . being too intelligent to fall into police traps  and ruthless enough to eliminate anybody or anything that could jeopardise his career  masters managed to elude law for years and became well - connected . richard chance ( william l . petersen ) is a secret service agent  adrenaline junkie whose life gets new meaning after his partner got killed by masters . however  his plans of bringing the counterfeiter down meet one obstacle after another . finally he sets up a final sting  but his superiors deny him the necessary money . being frustrated  and against the reluctance of his new partner john vukovich ( bill pankow )  he decides to get the money by robbing underworld courier . their plan backfires with almost tragic consequences when their target turns out to be undercover fbi agent  but chance decides to carry out his scheme anyway . like french connection  one of his previous masterpieces  this friedkin ', s movie was inspired by real life . gerrald petievich  author of the novel that later served as basis for his screenplay  spent many years working as a secret service agent . that turned to be useful for the portrayal of that law enforcement agency  not much utilised by hollywood . secret service millieu was also cleverly used in order to bring the viewer into the decade of greed ; the beginning scene where the movie ', s hero works as a part of presidential security detail is a nice opportunity to hear reagan ', s speech that could illustrate the political and economical notions of those times . ultramaterialistic and egotistical view of the world is shared by almost any character in the movie . willem dafoe brilliantly portrays dangerous and intelligent psychopath  whose ruthlessness and lack of any moral fibber doesn ', t seem like affliction in the reagan years ; on the contrary  those qualities actually makes masters socially acceptable . compared with him  and all the other side characters that want their " piece of the action "  two heroes on the side of law seem like losers . instead of being a classical good guy  secret service agent richard chance ( portrayed by william petersen in his most impressive role so far ) is nothing more than a lunatic whose adrenaline addiction and madness work against his better judgement ; his sidekick  who should serve as those " better judgement " is a weakling and sentimental fool that gets suckered in the end . in such surroundings of moral decay  the not so happy  yet surprising ending doesn ', t seem out of line ( although the very last shot leaves too much questions unanswered ) . the dark atmosphere of l . a . - city of glamour and moral decay - is nicely captured by william friedkin ', s directing skills . the tight and realistic scripts with memorable characters ( portrayed by such capable actors like john turturro  dean stockwell  debra feuer  darlanne fleugel and steve james ) gave opportunity for friedkin to use another gimmick that made him famous in his 1971 masterpiece - great car chase . that scene alone  with lot of realism  thrills and surprise twists  is worth seeing the rest of the film . the soundtrack  provided by now almost forgotten band " wang chung "  is also one of the more memorable of that decade . in every case  to live and die in l . a . is one of the rare movies in which hollywood actually tries to tell some unflattering truths about the world and succeeds in it .
pos jean - luc picard ( patrick stewart ) and the rest of the crew of the u . s . s . enterprise are back for their third outing in the ninth film based on the 1960 ', s series  star trek . gone are kirk  spock and mccoy and in their wake in the very able and very talented cast from star trek : the next generation . as usual  a crisis is brewing and it is up to the crew of the enterprise to make the galaxy safe again . this time out the united federation of planets and an alien race led by f . murray abraham are trying to move some colonists off a planet against the colonist ', s will . it turns out that this planet is the fountain of youth and the federation and their alien buddies feel that is should be used for the good of everyone and not just a few hundred colonists . of course picard feels that this sort of treachery is wrong  so he disobeys direct orders and vows to help protect the colonists . insurrection is a lighter movie than the last two star trek films . the film focuses on the lofty question of whether the rights of society as a whole outweighs the rights of a small group . in this respect it gets back to the roots of star trek by disguising social commentary as science fiction . it doesn ', t do a bad job  other than it tries to inject too much humor into the story line . many of the jokes are your typical inside star trek - fan - only jokes  while many of the others just fall flat . the other criticism that i had with the story was that it ignores common sense . there are only a few hundred people on this whole planet  why do they have to be moved ? the explanation is that the planet has to be bombarded with deadly radiation so that this fountain of youth effect will be strong enough to help heal f . murray abraham ', s aliens who number only a couple of dozen . so the basic story line is bad enough in that we have a few hundred being booted out for a few billion  at least that ', s plausible . but in reality we have a few hundred being moved for the benefits of a few dozen  which makes no sense whatsoever . the other little hiccup in logic is the inclusion of worf ( michael dorn )  the trusty klingon . worf was on star trek : the next generation  so they want to include him in the films . no problem so far . worf is now a character of star trek : deep space nine  so the writers have to find a way to have him show up . in the last star trek movie  first contact  the included worf in a credible fashion  in this one  the writers are so lazy that the completely gloss over why he is even in the movie . what little explanation they do give is so small that you would have missed it if you weren ', t hanging on every word on the screen . my minor problems with the movie aside  star trek : insurrection does have an overwhelming number of good points as compared to its bad ones . while many of the jokes do miss the mark  many are pretty good  even for non - trekkies . the special effects are among the best for the star trek series . the action is plentiful and well done . this is a very good - looking movie . it should come as no surprise to anyone who ever watched star trek : the next generation that the acting is first rate . it is very obvious that these actors have been working together for over a decade . they interact with each other with a skill that few other ensemble casts can muster . most star trek fans probably will not be disappointed with this latest film in the series . if you ', ve always hated star trek  there is nothing here that is going to change your mind . star trek : insurrection is not the best film in the series  but it is good enough to dispel the long standing tradition of the odd numbered films in the series being far inferior to the even numbered ones .
pos the promotion for fear and loathing in las vegas ? has made the film out to be a comedy  and for about the first hour or so it seems like it might be one . it ', s 1971  and the hippie movement has left behind quite a few wash - outs  among them journalist raoul duke ( johnny depp ) and his " attorney " dr . gonzo ( benito del toro ) . these two spend most of the film in a drug - induced stupor  having strange hallucinations  trashing their hotel rooms  and either annoying or scaring almost everyone that crosses their path . duke is first assigned to cover an outdoor desert motorcycle race in las vegas  but gets lost in a blur of drugs  beer  and flying dust  and ends up wandering around with no clue who won . he leaves vegas briefly before he is sent back  in what can only be described as a strangely appropriate twist of fate  to cover a drug enforcement conference . fear and loathing has been misinterpreted by some as glorifying the use of drugs . it doesn ', t  even in the beginning -- while the pair ', s antics are sometimes amusing and relatively harmless at first  the humor here is still fairly dark . director terry gilliam views them with a rather satirical eye  and even when we ', re laughing  we ', re laughing at them rather than with them . they spend most of their time paranoid  angry  or just plain befuddled  which is probably an understandable reaction to seeing the entire room suddenly fill up with giant reptiles . the black comedy may be entertaining to watch onscreen  but it ', s probably not something most other audience members would want to experience first - hand . all this aside  i was starting to grow a bit restless as the film drew near its one - hour mark  thinking to myself that i wanted something more out of this than just an off - kilter satire of drug culture . thankfully  the script delivers it before too long  as duke  in a rare moment of lucidity  stops to recall how he was once an enthusiastic hippie  " riding the wave " of something that seemed special and important . now it ', s six years later and the wave has finally broken  as he puts it . materialistic culture is still alive and well and  for most of this film  right in his face in las vegas ; the " american dream " of which duke occasionally speaks is still just as shallow and phony as ever . the social protesters have lost  and the more questionable aspects of the movement have turned ugly and left casualties such as duke to drift in a sea of drugs and disillusionment . in many ways  fear and loathing is gilliam ', s most reality - based film ; all of his others  with the exception of the fisher king  have made use of some sort of fantasy or science - fiction plot elements . yet it is his off - the - wall masterpiece brazil ? to which this film bears the most visual resemblance . the protagonist of brazil found himself alternately surrounded by a plastic  soulless society and the constant chaos of totalitarian police inspections and terrorist attacks  and similarly duke ', s world is composed of the artificial  empty glam of las vegas and the bizarre anarchy of his drug hallucinations . unlike the protagonist of brazil  however  duke is not a particularly admirable figure  and neither is gonzo . during the latter half of the film  their trips turn nastier and the consequences worse  eventually building up to an incident an a diner in which gonzo crudely frightens and humiliates a waitress  while duke  though he doesn ', t seem to approve  doesn ', t do anything to stop it either . by the time this scene takes place  they don ', t seem like hippies or peaceniks or protesters or anything of the sort any more ; they just seem like a couple of stoned jerks in a diner . duke seems to realize at some level that he ', s become something he doesn ', t like  but he ', s either too apathetic or too defeated to do anything to change . this film has taken a critical drubbing from many who view it as an essentially pointless film that simply throws one trip scene after another at the audience . while gilliam may have overdone it in a few places  i think he and his co - writers deserve more credit than that . there ', s plenty of substance here  particularly in the second half ; its observations about the broken and defeated rebels from the ', 60s and the objects of their rebellion just aren ', t usually very pleasant . unlike  say  brazil ? or the fisher king  both of which feature a character who dares to let himself dream in a repressive environment  fear and loathing in las vegas ? shows us someone who ', s given up on his dreams and resorts to the quick fix of drugs . in its own psychedelic  whacked - out way  it ', s sad and regretful  but i think it ', s also a bit of a kick in the pants  a challenge to find an alternative between chemically - induced withdrawal and the equally addictive drug of vegas - style materialism . indeed  duke himself admits at one point that he ', s never learned to accept that you can get higher without drugs than with them . i ', m not sure if he ', s any closer to accepting it by the end or not  but i suspect the audience will get the idea .
pos james cmaeron ', s breakthrough feature was the first of his films to showcase his obsession with technology and more specfically technology run amok . for those of you who do not know the plot : in 2029 machines have engineered a nuclear for the expressed purpose of wiping out the human race . human survivors are systematically hunted down and destroyed . however  some humans are fighting back led by the heroic john connor . to stop connor  the machines send a terminator ( arnold schwarzenegger ) back to 1984 to murder connor ', s mother  sara ( linda hamilton )  and thus prevent connor from ever being born . in response  the humans send a protector  kyle reese  played by michael biehn . images of machines and of humans ', reliance on machines dominate the film . even though the characters know that the benign oil drillers of 1984 will become the ruthless hunter killers of 2029  humans continue to use the machines . in the climax of star wars  luke relies on the force alone -- his own spiritual power -- to destroy the death star . in the terminator  however  sara must use another machine -- a giant hydraulic press -- to vanquish her enemy . cameron seems to be implying that this reliance on technology is inescapable -- and he ', s not happy about it . unabated technological growth brings about the terminator ', s other obsession : the apocalypse . we have plenty of imagery regarding armageddon : thousands of human skulls line the streets of future la . children watch the flames in a burning television . when the terminator arrives in 1984 an almost biblical lightning storm precedes him . even though the " future is not set  " there is no doubt about where the world is headed at the end of the movie : the machines will rise and the humans will have to struggle for their very existence . all sara can do is await it . ( cameron doesn ', t wimp out like he does in terminator 2 ) the end of the world is the human race ', s own fault  too . after all it is the humans that created in the evil machines in the first place . back in 1984  when the cold war was still in full effect  the film must have been seen as a very apt metaphor for nuclear war ( another obsession of cameron ', s ) . these days  one can read a criticism of machine - like behavior in humans . true  humanizing touches are put into paul winfield ', s and lance henriksen ', s detective characters  but the terminator is also able to move through the city undetected . cameron also draw parallels between the mechanical efficiency between the terminator and reese when they first arrive in 1984 la . from a technical standpoint the terminator is very well done . arnold schwarzenegger is a perfect antagonist -- unstoppable  merciless  obdurate . we are not meant to empathize with this ultimate killing machine as we are in some of schwarzenegger ', s later works ( eg  commando )  but fear him . cameron and hurd ', s script basically depicts a one hour and forty - five minute chase  taking a few moments here and there to explain time travel and develop the romantic subplot . while we do see the hackneyed dialogue cameron is now so well known for  there is also considerable suspense especially for the first time viewer who may be unsure of kyle reese ', s intentions . cameron directs the film at a rapid  kinetic pace . either the camera is moving or something within the frame is moving -- usually both occurs . the violence is not particularly graphic ( temple of doom ', s heart - pull scene outgrosses the terminator ', s )  but it is brutally staged making it that much more effective . for a low budget film  the terminator ', s special effects and art direction ( especially in 2029 la ) are remarkably well done . special mention should be made of the stop motion effects work at the end of the film depicting the terminator endoskeleton . it is some of the best stop motion i have ever seen . one thing that doesn ', t hold up after all the years  however  is linda hamilton ', s hairdo .
pos it might surprise some to know that joel and ethan coen  who have brought such unabated lunacy to our movie screens as " raising arizona " and " the hudsucker proxy  " made their feature film debut with " blood simple  " a grim and often gruesome tale of revenge  murder  and literally fatal misconceptions in rural texas . it bears some resemblance  story - wise  to the coens ', recent " fargo  " but even the darkly satirical humor and the enjoyably quirky characterizations that characterized that film are scarce here ; " blood simple " is pretty much cold and brutal from beginning to end . the premise of " blood simple " is really just a slight variation on the standard love - triangle / revenge scheme : sleazy bar owner julian marty ( dan hedaya ) hires a shifty private detective ( m . emmet walsh ) to kill his wife abby ( frances mcdormand ) and her illicit lover ray ( john getz ) . things start to go haywire when walsh decides instead to fake the murder with photographic trickery but  upon collecting the money  becomes uncertain as to whether or not marty is capable of keeping his mouth shut about the scheme . to reveal any more details of the story would be to give away too much  but what ensues is a series of bloody ( and i do mean bloody ) confrontations  each triggered by one or more characters misunderstanding what is actually happening . every act of violence or deception in this film makes sense when seen through the perpetrator ', s eyes  but we  the audience  are made privy to the " big picture " and thus can recognize that each misdeed is somehow either unnecessary or directed at the wrong person . this aspect of the story  along with the intense atmosphere of repulsion and brutality - one gets the sense that if guns and  in one case  shovels  were not available  some of these characters would claw each other to death - are the most effective components of the film . the coens might have done well to title the film " fear and loathing in texas . " some have labeled " blood simple as a modern - day noir  but  while i am not an expert on either genre  it seems more like a horror movie than anything else . the coens seem much more interested in the plot twists and the atmosphere of confusion and paranoia than they do in the characters  and the final sequence is nothing more than a showdown between the one ( relatively ) innocent character and the only one of the murderers left alive . that said  " blood simple " is a very good horror movie ; the fear and suspense here are genuine . the coens also add plenty of quirky touches that nudge the weirdness meter upwards  such as when a character enters an empty room and accidentally steps on a gun  discharging it as it skitters across the floor  or when a murder attempt unfolds in a way such that abby mistakes her attacker for another character who has in fact been killed earlier in the film . that said  " blood simple " is not exactly flawless . for one thing  the motivations for the killings are still a little thin at times ; i can understand that the characters had tracks to cover ( or at least thought they did )  but i found it a little hard to accept that all of them would so quickly resort to murder . and although they at least didn ? t have anyone get hacked to death with a knife  the coens also aren ', t quite immune to horror cliches ; they indulge in a prolonged dead - guy - seems - to - have - come - back - to - life - but - then - we - find - out - it ', s - only - a - dream scene that had me rolling my eyes . the film also ends so quickly after the final confrontation that i found myself wondering if they had simply run out of film . " blood simple " is not quite the masterpiece of neo - noir that many seem to think it is  but it ', s a decent movie and it showcases the coens ', ability to handle suspense and violence in a visceral but non - exploitative manner . i would firmly recommend it to all " coen - heads " as well as anyone looking for something original in a thriller .
pos kirk douglas is one of those rare american actors who can say more with a simple glance than most can say with pages of dialogue . all he has to do is look at someone with a raised eyebrow  and you instantly know what he ', s thinking . " detective story " features one of kirk douglas ', s finest performances . he stars as a new york detective that has his whole world fall apart in one night . the film is based on a play  and this is quite evident  as most of the movie takes place in the one - room flat that the detective ', s work in . the film opens with the douglas character getting ready to go home to his wife  but through a series of events  he never quite makes it there . the bulk of the movie follows the case of a man named schneider  a surgeon who routinely performs abortions with a high fatality rate . however  this schneider character has a connection in the past of douglas ', s wife ; a connection douglas himself is not aware of . many secrets are revealed in the last half hour of this film . secrets i would not dream of giving away . with a name like " detective story "  one would assume the film would resemble an episode of " nypd blue "  but it doesn ', t quite work out that way . however  we do see douglas at work on a few other cases throughout the running time . lee grant ( virtually unrecognizable ) plays a meek jewish woman arrested for shoplifting . her scenes with bendix  another detective  provide the movie with a few laughs . the performances all around are fantastic . douglas may be the leader of this ensemble  but he ', s not the center of attention all the time . we get to catch a glimpse into other cases and other detectives working on those cases . which brings me back to douglas . he has a really emotional scene towards the end of the picture that really makes you feel for him . we can see that this is a man who has spent his whole life trying to eliminate crime  but has finally realized that what he ', s really done is gotten back at his criminal father . how he handles coming to terms with this is something really worth seeing . kirk douglas is the kind of actor we don ', t seem to see to much of these days : he ', s a tough guy  but the human elements are never hidden too deeply underneath that gruff exterior .
pos " a man is not a man without eight taels of gold . " starring sammo hung  sylvia chang ; directed by mabel cheung ; written by cheung and alex law ; cinematography by bill wong eight taels of gold begins as a fish out of water story and at some point becomes a love story involving two people whose past choices prevent the fruition of their love . neither aspect of the movie is entirely successful  but both are good enough . and along the way there is one perfect scene  which is one more than you find in most films . slim ( played by portly sammo hung  better known as a star and director of hong kong action movies ) is a chinese immigrant who drives a yellow cab in new york . when the movie opens  we see him shouting obscenities at another taxi driver . he does not seem particularly out of place . in fact  he is about to return to visit his home in rural china for the first time in sixteen years  spending most of his life savings in the process  and it is there that he will become the proverbial fish out of water  as he realizes that you can never go home . he brings with him some statue of liberty cigarette lighters  cheap sunglasses  and lobsters ( which have to be large  to prove they ', re american ) -- the tokens of his success . he also wears a gold chain and a gold watch  because without eight taels of gold  a man is not a man ( my dictionary tells me that taels are a unit of weight used in the far east  and i assume the phrase is a chinese proverb ) . he loses most of this stuff -- except the gold -- when his van crashes into a river and he has to hitch a ride  so to speak  on a raft along the river which runs past his parents ', village . when he arrives unannounced  he almost induces cardiac arrest in his father . all of this has the makings of a routine comedy  and the movie has its amusing moments  as when the villagers take turns giving slim gifts during a celebration of his homecoming  and they all give him birds  so by evening ', s end he is surrounded by turkeys  ducks  geese and other sundry fowl . but eight taels is not a comedy -- it is a sad  sweet story about the choices people make  and how they are sometimes irreparable . director mabel cheung ( an autumn ', s tale  the soong sisters ) sees clearly what it is like to have lived half of your life in one country and half in a country on the other side of the world -- what it is like to no longer have a place to call home . slim does not belong in china  nor does he belong in america  where he can barely speak the language . seeing water buffalo in the fields and rafts poled down the river and fireworks exploding gloriously in the sky over a small village  we come to know the world slim left behind  and it seems as if he too is knowing it for the first time  and wishes it felt more like home . the condition of the expatriate is eloquently portrayed ; i  being one  was sympathetic . on his way to his parent ', s village  slim hooks up with jenny ( sylvia chang )  whom he knew when she was a girl nicknamed odds - and - ends  which is what he continues to call her  although she is now a mature  professional  attractive woman  to be married in the spring to an american - chinese man . slim and odds - and - ends fall for each other . that ', s predictable . the manner in which their ( non - ) romance is played out is not . the emotions involved are adult and complex  and the film avoids cheap solutions to their dilemma . it ', s typical  for instance  that the fianc ? in this sort of plot be a colossal jerk  because it makes it easier to empathize with the unrequited lover . but here the fianc ? is a decent  ordinary guy  and although slim would like to feel anger  he cannot . the fianc ? has done nothing wrong ; the situation is the result of bad luck or bad decisions  take your pick . eight taels has its share of flaws ( the early sequences in america and on the plane to china are especially weak )  but it compensates with insight . when odds - and - ends tells slim that her future husband wants to move to san francisco  she notes resignedly  " it ', s all the same . wherever we go  we ', ll be in chinatown  " and her straightforward statement expresses much . there is insight  too  in the understanding of the consequences of slim and odds - and - ends ', decisions : he to move to america  she to marry a chinese - american . both their choices were perhaps born of impatience  perhaps of a sense that the grass is always greener -- and it turns out that both choices were wrong . but they cannot undo them ; they must live with what they have done . such is life . the movie is tender toward these people  but it offers no false comforts . everything that is right and true about eight taels comes together in one great scene  which is the culmination of the love story . slim and odds - and - ends sit in a secluded spot and talk hesitantly  with the muted pop - pop of fireworks exploding in the night behind them  and it seems the conversation will lead to a kiss . the exchange that follows  and what slim then does  is poignant and perfect : with clarity and understatement  we see two people ', s lives  their heartbreaks and virtues  summed up in a single moment . yes  the film is flawed  but moments like that justify most of its inadequacies .
pos the summer movie season is always the biggest and brightest season for movies throughout the year . we are introduced to blockbuster hits that are usually trashed by critics  loved by the people  and make tons of money at the box office . this year  the tradition continues with an update on the universal 1932 classic  the mummy . i have always been a sucker for this kind of monster movies  and i always seem to be the only critic who really likes them . that tradition continues as well with this fun special effects extravaganza . in the mummy  the up and coming brendan fraser stars as the adventurous explorer rick o ', connell . he teams up with a curious  clumsy librarian named evelyn  played by rachel weisz  to find the mysterious city of the dead  hamunaptra . evelyn loves egypt  and would truly like to visit the city that people call a fable . rick has claimed he has been to hamunaptra during a battle  and that ', s why she chose him to lead her there . also tagging along on the journey to the city of the dead is evelyn ', s brother  jonathan  played by john hannah ( sliding doors ) . now in hamunaptra  the three uncover " the book of the dead . " the curious evelyn unlocks the book  reads from it  and now the body of the ancient egyptian imhotep ( arnold vosloo ) becomes alive and is out to kill the ones who opened and read from the book . along with imhotep arising from the dead  the ten curses of egypt become in full effect  launching unbelievable forces against the three and another group who set out to find hamunaptra . not only is imhotep furious with those who awoke him  he is also out to restore the life of his girlfriend that lost her life long ago in ancient egypt . don ', t expect huge things out of the mummy  but just expect to have a good time . this movie is extremely campy and plays out like an old horror film with beefed up special effects  which may turn off some viewers . on the other hand  this type of film is one of my favorites  but that ', s up to you to decide . there is one thing that definitely not campy or corny about the mummy though . the state of the art special effects take you into a completely different world . we are dazzled by faces rising out of the desert  swarms of beetles and locusts  and even creatures crawling under a human ', s skin . these may have been in other movies before  but not like in the mummy . as of now  the mummy holds the title for best special effects of this year  but all this could change when star wars episode 1 : the phantom menace is released into theaters across the country . in the past  brendan fraser has played mainly comedic roles . when playing " george " in disney ', s george of the jungle  he was mainly not known by anyone . i would say that gods and monsters is the film that gave him a name  and now the mummy will give him a name amongst teens . in the mummy  fraser gets to play an action hero  and i liked him in this sort of role over the comedic role  as in the films blast from the past and george of the jungle . although brendan fraser is great  rachel weisz gives the best performance among the cast . weisz really reminded me of a character from an old  horror film . the way she acts  looked  and talked all reminded me of someone not from this time . evelyn is probably the only character that was likable  considering that the other characters  like john hannah ', s  didn ', t get much personal attention . in many films  when different genres are mixed  the mixing usually works  and i like it for the most part . in the mummy though  not all of the mixing works . there are some scenes that have a lot of potential horror  some with potential comedy  some with potential drama  and some with potential pure action  but the film tries to mix them together too often for the mixing to work . the mummy could have gotten an " a " rating from me if it had gone purely with one of these . i didn ', t mind the corny one - liners here and there during action sequences  but it certainly could have done without them . the cinematography is amazing in the mummy . particularly in one scene depicting ancient egypt  we are taken into a very fun portrayal of egypt  mummies  and the treasures left behind by the ancient egyptians . the costume design in the film is also up there with the great cinematography . from ancient egyptians outfits to original troops outfits  the costumes are always top notch . the bottom line - with the mummy  the summer is off to its usually great start .
pos jacques tati ', s 1953 classic " les vacances de m . hulot " ( also known as " mr . hulot ', s vacation  " in english ) ought to be the textbook on how to do non ? dialogue comedy in film . the characters hardly ever speak to each other directly  and the film operates on the paper ? thin premise that monsieur hulot  played by tati himself  is awkward and clumsy and generally manages to annoy the other guests at the beach resort hotel where he is taking a week ', s vacation . yet the film had me beside myself laughing more consistently than any in recent memory . part of the reason the film works so well is the clever setup for the various gags . slapstick has often been regarded as an unsophisticated and even crude form of comedy  but i think part of the reason for this is that it often seems forced : you can only see movie characters start running after something and then crash face - first into a pole so many times before you start to wonder what all these poles are doing there in the first place or why these people don ', t watch where they ', re going . in " les vacances de m . hulot  " the gags build upon each other and often start out relatively low - key . in one sequence  for example  hulot is painting the side of his small row boat on the beach when  while his back is turned  the paint can gets caught up in the oncoming waves  washes away  then comes back up on the other side of the boat . while crossing over to get the can  hulot steps in the boat and unknowingly cracks it . when he actually takes the boat out into the water  it breaks in half  but the two halves flip up against each other  trapping him inside as the bystanders mistake it for a shark fin and panic on the beach ensues . tati doesn ', t waste a single opportunity for humor ; scenes that might have yielded one joke in most comedies are good for at least four or five in this film . it has been said that comedy relies on frustrating the audience ', s expectations  and " les vacances de m . hulot " succeeds brilliantly in that area as well . tati accomplishes this largely through a sort of deadpan understatement . when hulot goes into a separate room during dinner and starts playing a record at defeaningly loud volume  no fights or shouting matches ensue ; instead  the waiter calmly walks in and shuts off the power in the room  disconnecting the record player and leaving a puzzled hulot sitting in the dark . tati also uses running gags to this effect  allowing them to keep running far longer than most comedy directors would ; more often than not  we can see them coming and think  " oh  he ', s not going to do that again  " but  lo and behold  he does . for example  there is a recurring joke in which hulot ', s noisy  sputtering car engine wakes everyone in the middle of the night as an exterior shot reveals the hotel ', s lights coming on one by one . then this image turns up again in the finale  which i will not give away other than to say that involves a lot more noise in the middle of the night than a car engine could ever produce . the ending is one of two elements that really make this a four - star film as opposed to merely an above - average  clever comedy . as much as i was laughing during this film  i was thinking to myself occasionally that tati had to top himself at the end to really make this work as a complete viewing experience ; suffice it to say that he did . the other important aspect is that the film never seems disdainful of its characters . it easily could have turned the tables on hulot and had the other guests exact some kind of revenge on him ; alternatively  it could have portrayed the others as humorless curmudgeons . instead  tati seems to regard his characters with cheerful amusement more than anything else and invites the audience to like them  however strange or irritating they might seem . " les vacances de m . hulot " is not subtitled  but the dialogue is sparse and for the most part not terribly essential to the flow of events . anyone with a taste for this kind of absurd humor ought to make this film their next rental from the video store . note : " les vacances de m . hulot " was not rated by the mpaa . it would at most receive a pg rating .
pos i had lost all faith in pg - 13 movies that are intended for teenagers and adults . the last dozen or so that i have seen have all felt incomplete  as if the most crucial scene was deleted in order to obtain a more lucrative rating . however  after seeing the creative frequency last week and now the exciting u - 571  my bias is beginning to go away . both films are as innocuous for younger viewers as they are intellectual for older viewers . even better  i didn ', t think either one of these films would be any good from first instincts . everyone loves surprises . u - 571 looked like another action film using an actual war as an excuse to shoot torpedoes and bullets . this may be true  but the action is so extraordinary that it is clear director / co - writer jonathan mostow completed his ultimate goal ; to blow the audience ', s socks off . set during the early stages of world war 2 when the united states struggled to break the codes of the technologically advanced german u - boats  u - 571 follows a small crew of american men who swipe the typewriter necessary to solve the enigma from an enemy ship . there ', s only one problem : the american ship they came from and hoped to return to has been shot down stranding the men on a german submarine known as ( you guessed it ) u - 571 . it is now up to the mostly young and inexperienced sailors  led by an interim captain named tyler ( matthew mcconaughey )  to return the typewriter to america without getting sunk by far superior german ships . the film starts off very slowly with a somewhat weak opening action sequence and another uneventful half an hour to introduce several of the sailors ( most of whom die when the mission goes awry or just inexplicably disappear ) . once the crew gets on the u - boat  the movie shifts to another level and never leaves this high energy level until the ending credits roll down . as soon as the action starts  it does not stop and luckily  because it is so exciting  i didn ', t want it to stop . this is not a movie for those wanting to avoid loud noises  from the wonderful  heart - pounding score to the constant yelling of panicking men  make sure you see this at a theater with surround - sound ? otherwise  do not see it all . the best parts of u - 571 are when tyler is forced to make impromptu decisions on how to escape seemingly impossible situations . throughout the movie  several morals or characters are introduced to make tyler ', s job as stressful as possible . germans gun down their own men  tyler ', s mentor captain dahlgren warns him that a captain has to be prepared to sacrifice even the most beloved soldiers for a victory  another sailor ( erik palladino ) threatens mutiny . all of these examples  and several others  increase the chaotic atmosphere and the importance of tyler ', s every move . they also make u - 571 one of the most exhilarating movies i have seen in a while .
pos the 1990s produced two brilliant science fiction films . one was _gattaca_ . the other was _the thirteenth floor_ . just as _gattaca_ was overshadowed by the mighty _titanic_  _the thirteenth floor_ was relegated to obscurity by _the matrix_ . however  _the thirteeth floor_  though it deals with similar themes  is a much better movie than the frenetic  childish and improbable _matrix_ . a cutting edge computer scientist  hannon fuller ( played by the charming armin mueller - stahl )  is murdered . his associate  douglas hall  ( craig bierko ) apparently framed and suspected by the police  enters into the simulated world they have created in order to unravel the mystery . along the way a beautiful blonde ( gretchen mol )  more bodies  and a deepening mystery about simulated worlds complicate the picture . _the thirteenth floor_ unfolds slowly and telegraphs its punches  choosing to elicit the more complex emotional response of empathy and anticipation rather than the cheap one of mere surprise . the result is a movie that is a failure from two conventional points of view . first  its plot revelations can be foreseen if one has carefully followed its complex storyline . second and more seriously  it demands that its audience think and feel . no wonder it fell through the cracks . done in film noir style as a murder mystery  this is a relatively deep movie that functions on several levels . many audiences will simply be bewildered by it  rather than engaged  which is a shame  because this movie amply repays a little emotional and intellectual investment . i recommend a second viewing simply to get the flavor of the frequent ironic foreshadowing in the opening parts of the movie . despite its philosophical challenges  _the thirteenth floor_ derives its emotional force from the love story between jane fuller ( mol ) and douglas hall ( bierko )  as well as the close friendship between douglas hall and hannon fuller . in that sense it is more akin to _gattaca_ than _the matrix_  which  for all of its cute philosophical byplay  is an adolescent movie with no emotional depth whatsoever . the moment when jane fuller confesses her love for douglas hall is at once satisfying  wrenching and intellectually challenging . in its final moments the film even takes on itself  when david  jane ', s husband  who has come to enjoy killing  accuses her of being the sick one . although there is a victory for the leading characters  this resolution suggests a disturbing element of fantasy in jane  and thus a deep - seated character flaw . in fact  hannon fuller ', s activities in the simulated world  the behavior of jane ', s husband  and the effects of entering the simulation on douglas hall all hint at similar issues with those characters . this is not a film of good people beset from without by great evil . the tragedy is not in their stars  but in themselves . the major actors  all of whom are required to play two or even three roles  perform extremely well . bierko  who will be familiar as the psycho from _the long kiss goodnight_  is outstanding . d ', onofrio as whitney  who plays a pivotal role in support  also turns in a good performance . the lovely gretchen mol  whose elegance  integrity  and determination suggest bergman in _casablanca_  does a wonderful job . her voice  however  lacks the necessary weight at times . this could be because she was given the worst lines in a movie whose major weakness is the script . some minor flaws  hairline cracks in fine porcelain  appear in places . there are one or two instances of jerky editing . the script takes the edge off the film ', s climaxes . the atmosphere becomes too claustrophobic at times ( yet  there is a clue there too ) . one wonders if even after two decades  _blade runner_ is still casting its long shadow over sci - fi films . one can see a group of suits in their suite  waving their hands imperiously at directors like the emperor in _amadeus_ : " make it more like_blade runner_  you know  dark and rainy . " _the thirteen floor_ is that rare exception among hollywood movies : a  rich  emotionally satisfying  intelligent sci - fi movie . and yet  ultimately  it proves the suits right . for when good sci - fi is made  where is the sf community turning out in droves to see it ? if we don ', t support great sf  who will ?
pos finding the courage to face life full - on is a difficult task . summoning up the audacity to fall in love is a harder job . if you ', re a total jerk like melvin udall is  the odds are even more against you . melvin ( jack nicholson ) is a successful romance author who is just the opposite of what you would expect someone in that profession to be . a solitary man hidden away in his new york apartment with no human interaction and not even a hint of ever having been in a passionate relationship  he avoids the outside world as much as possible . his obsessive - compulsive disorder rules his life as he uses several different bars of soap to wash his hands and refuses to step on a crack on the sidewalk . ( there ', s a great scene when he has to cross a floor made of mosaic tiles -- _very_small_ mosaic tiles . ) melvin has some great lines . when his publisher ', s receptionist asks him how he writes women so well in his books  he responds " i think of men and i take away reason and accountability . " don ', t get him wrong  he ', s not merely a misogynist . setting his sights higher than that  he ', s also a homophobe  racist  anti - semite  xenophobe  animal - hater and intensely dislikes people who talk in metaphors . when we first meet him  he ', s busy dumping a neighbor ', s dog down the garbage chute . he ', s an equal opportunity bigot . he does venture outside his apartment every day to eat breakfast at a local cafe . melvin is such a grouchy curmudgeon that waitress carol connelly ( helen hunt ) is the only one willing to wait on him . and she ', s none too happy about it . when carol doesn ', t show up for work  melvin ', s routine is shot and he ', s determined to do something about it . tracking down her address  he shows up at her place begging her to come back to work so that he can eat breakfast . the fact that she ', s a poor single mother caring for a chronically ill son doesn ', t appear to phase him  he wants his food . much more upsetting is that his gay artist neighbor simon bishop ( greg kinnear ) is brutally attacked during a robbery . this doesn ', t upset melvin much ( " don ', t worry  you ', ll be back on your knees in no time " ) but when he is bullied into taking care of simon ', s dog  his life is turned topsy - turvey . melvin is sequestered because he ', s afraid of what ', s out there on the other side of his apartment door . he has to make sure it ', s ritualistically locked three times to keep the world on its proper side . when he brings the dog home he reluctantly grows fond of it  talking to it and taking it everywhere he goes . this little crack in his emotional armor opens him up . hiding behind his need for carol to return to work so she can serve him  he pays for a specialist to treat her son . he even develops a friendship with simon . all three people are heavily damaged . melvin has retreated from life in his apartment . carol has devoted herself to her son  convinced that she has to give up her life for him . simon is estranged from his parents and his friends disappear when he is hospitalized and his money runs out . a more unlikely trio to form relationships  you ', d rarely see . and in the midst of it all  there are some wonderful moments . melvin is hilarious in his grouchiness and touching as he attempts to be nice . " you make me want to be a better man  " he tells her . one of the best aspects is that even as he opens up  he is still a curmudgeon . carol  afraid that his monetary contribution to the wellness of her son hides a hidden agenda rushes over to his apartment in the rain to explain in no uncertain terms that she will never sleep with him . it only takes her a second to realize that she is delivering that statement while looking as if she just left a wet t - shirt contest . there ', s hardly anything left to say about jack nicholson . i don ', t remember ever seeing him in anything less than a stellar performance and his over - the - edge melvin is no disappointment . nicholson may be the best actor working today . hunt does a commendable job matching nicholson ', s energy . she isn ', t afraid to be seen as something less than a babe and her portrayal of exhausted run - down carol struggling with seemingly overwhelming obligations is top - notch . their on - screen chemistry is a bit odd . each does a wonderful job with the character  but together  there ', s something a little off . it ', s a minor problem : they do work well together  but that missing element is what prevents this from being a four - star film . director james l . brooks ( " terms of endearment "  " broadcast news " ) has a movie that is picking up awards by the bucketsful ( nominees for all the top golden globes  winners from the national board of review  inevitable oscars ) and has a winner on his hands . " as good as it gets " isn ', t exactly the quality that the title says  but it ', s pretty darn close . ( michael redman has written this column for over 22 years and as soon as he finishes this one  he ', s off to an annual 12 night celebration typically held in freezing weather during a snowstorm . this year it ', s in the sixties and raining . that wacky el nino . )
pos bruce willis stars as malcolm  an award winning child psychologist who discovers one night that one of his former patients is still suffering from inner demons . the now grown man breaks into his apartment while he and his wife ( olivia williams from rushmore ) are celebrating his award  shoots malcolm in the stomach  then takes his own life . almost nine months later  malcolm discovers cole ( haley joel osment  in a brilliant performance )  another young man afflicted with the same turmoil as his former patient . he takes on the child ', s case in the hope of redeeming himself for botching up the previous one  alienating his wife in the process . he soon discovers that they boy can see and speak to the dead  and his life becomes forever turned upside down . although the first hour is very slow  the sixth sense turns out to be a very powerful and moving film . i was expecting this film to be mercury rising 2  but was astonished to discover an extremely well plotted out little thriller with an outstandingly satisfying ending . you ', ll find yourself mentally retracing your steps through the film to see if you actually saw what you think you did once the credits roll . i must give m . night shyamalan a lot of credit for a brilliantly written screenplay . the cast should also be given a lot of credit for making the movie as solid as it is . a lesser cast could have made this film a joke . bruce willis portrays his character perfectly  balancing his need to help cole and his agony over his strained relationship with his wife skillfully . haley joel osment shines as nine year old cole  showing patience in his character that few young actors these days can pull off . toni collette  looking markedly different from her pathetic character in muriel ', s wedding  gives a strong performance as cole ', s mother  who is trying to cope with both her son ', s " illness " and the passing of her mother . finally  olivia williams deftly portrays a woman having to struggle with a husband who ', s not around and flirtations with a co - worker that could lead to a begrudgingly accepted end . it ', s a shame that they show cole ', s abilities in the trailer  because the movie takes close to forty minutes to get around to doing the same  so we already know what ', s going on before most of the rest of the cast does . in retrospect though  the forty minute set - up is essential to enjoying the end of the film  so i have fewer complaints now then i did while i was watching the film . i ', m glad that the run of teen - styled horror films has passed and filmmakers are starting to make more adult fare . films like this  the similarly themed stir of echoes  and countless others to be released later in the year should make for a pretty entertaining close to 1999 . [ pg - 13 ]
pos i suppose an argument could be made that toy story is one of those films that didn ', t need a sequel . beloved by kids and their parents  respected equally by mainstream america and geekish movie buffs  that first movie remains a landmark of recent history  the one that burst open the possibilities of computer animation and demonstrated through wild invention and giddy chutzpah just how complacent the disney animation machine had become in cranking out fluffy razzle - dazzle entertainment full of formula storytelling and banal songwriting . if disney was embarrassed at being beaten at its own game ( toy story was a smash hit of unexpected proportions  and one that caught the merchandising end of the business unaware as demand for action figures far outstripped supply )  it didn ', t show  and as distributor and part - owner of the property  at least it had a piece of the action . toy story 2 was greenlighted as a direct - to - video project  disney ', s standard tactic for milking a few more bucks out of hot franchises without expending the effort of developing a proper feature film . as someone who doesn ', t believe sequels are necessarily a bad thing ( granted  they usually are a bad thing  but that ', s because they ', re made for the wrong reasons )  i had to wonder what in the world they were thinking . fortunately  disney claimed to have been so knocked - out by early animation tests that they let pixar go full - speed ahead with a theatrical sequel . lucky thing  too -- like the first movie  this one is a joy to behold on the big screen  and technically  it improves on its predecessor on just about every level . ( from a business standpoint  the end credits show that the new creations are copyrighted by pixar  while the previous film ', s elements are shared between pixar and disney  a sign of the production house ', s new cachet in hollywood . ) visually  the main shortcoming of this fully computer - generated movie is that human figures are still rendered relatively poorly  making them look a little creepy . fortunately  that eerie unreality fits in perfectly with the perspective of the movie  where the secret world of toys is more immediate  and arguably more attractive  than the world of the humans who surround them . as before  the story is predicated on the premise that the toys scattered around the bedroom of a little boy named andy -- and  indeed  all the toys scattered around the bedrooms of all little children -- come to life in the child ', s absence . while the toys scamper about and chatter endlessly among themselves  the real joy of a toy ', s life is to mean something to its owner . one of the subjects of this new film is the sadness of toys that have been broken or abandoned  left on a shelf to gather dust  and another is the sort of emotional limbo inhabited by toys that are mere prizes of covetous collectors . most often  those toys are packed away in dark spaces  safe from sunlight and humidity  and often they ', re not even removed from their packaging . imagine what a chip that would put on your shoulder  and you ', ll understand the attitudes of the collector ', s items that show up in this movie . sheriff woody ( voiced by a note - perfect tom hanks )  the longtime favorite among andy ', s toys who was challenged in the previous go - round by the arrival of flashy - new - thing action figure buzz lightyear ( tim allen )  suffers an injury early in the film  when andy tugs too hard on his arm and pulls a seam apart  revealing the stuffing inside . this accident catalyzes some uneasieness among the toys  who know too well that a broken toy is often a forgotten toy  and a forgotten toy is one that loses its reason for existence . those anxieties are crystallized when andy ', s mom tears through his living room  collecting old toys for a yard sale . and there ', s an ironic twist to the tale  as woody winds up being stolen by an avid toy collector who needs exactly that quaint cowboy figure to complete a set that he hopes to sell to a japanese toy museum for a sizable sum . the rest of andy ', s toys  who owe him quite a debt  resolve to rescue him . that this film manages to turn a box marked " 25 cents " into a symbol of doom  or to make its screed against the retention of collectible toys by wrongheaded profiteers fuel for a metaphysical dilemma  is a testament to its skill at metaphor  seamlessly translating the hopes and fears of our real world into that of the toys . operating on this level of abstraction  toy story 2 tackles some mighty heavy issues without once preaching or veering into pretentiousness . ( the worst i can say is that randy newman seems to have reserved his sappiest lyric in years for sarah mclachlan  who stops the movie cold by singing it at just about the halfway mark . ) sometimes i think toy story 2 tries too hard . there ', s somewhat less of the seat - of - the - pants loopiness that energized the first film  allowing it to surprise and excite on a near - constant basis  and more philosophizing about toys  collectors  the nature of happiness and the meaning of life . while that leads to fewer bellylaughs  it does make way for more elaborate humor and an uncommonly ambitious reflexivity that asks the toys to consider their own status as commodities that move in and out of fashion . ( just don ', t ask why andy ', s favorite toy is based on a tv series that was canceled in 1957 . ) where else in mainstream movies do you get such an awesome moment as the one where buzz arrives at al ', s toy barn to find it stocked to the gills with his doppelgangers  buzz lightyear action figures ? forget the self - congratulatory science fiction of the matrix -- this is a fundamental mind - bender for buzz  and the audience shares his humility and wonderment at the sight . here  as in the roughly concurrent scene where woody watches tapes of the howdy doodyish children ', s tv show that originated his character  we see our protagonists come face - to - face with god . in sly ways  then  toy story 2 can be read as a film about mortality  a metaphorical consideration of aging and death . significantly  the film ', s very first sequence concludes with a grim shocker that had our opening - night crowd in a near - uproar . and toward the end  when buzz and woody speculate on how long they have before andy grows up and discards his old toys  one of them observes  with an alacrity both inspirational and heartbreaking  that it will be fun while it lasts . so toy story 2 joins the tradition of children ', s stories  largely neglected of late  that say something real about the inevitable joys and tragedies of existence . what ', s really striking is that both toy story films ( and  to a lesser degree  pixar ', s a bug ', s life ) are kids ', movies with wit and sophistication to shame most of their ostensibly adult counterparts  not to mention whatever piece of tot - friendly eye - candy is due from the disney dream factory any given summer . it puts one in mind of the glory days of chuck jones and the old gang at warner bros . animation . i ', m not sure lasseter and his pals at pixar will ever operate at quite that level of purely visual invention -- they love traditional narrative too much -- but  boy  it makes me wonder what they might come up with next . -------------------------------------------------------------- directed by john lasseter  colin brady  ash brannon  and lee unkrich written by lasseter  brannon  peter docter  andrew stanton  rita hsaio  doug chamberlain  and chris webb cinematography by sharon calahan starring ( voices ) tom hanks  tim allen  and joan cusack usa  1999 theatrical aspect ratio : 1 . 85 : 1 --------------------------------------------------------------
pos tone alone cannot sustain a film  but it can go a long way . if i can find myself lost in the time and place of a story  it scores immediate style points . when that tone is backed up by an outstanding story and great acting  the effect can be described best by an adjective i do not use lightly : " literary . " what ', s eating gilbert grape ? is such a film . it ', s a rich  memorable and stunningly acted story of desire colliding with responsibility  staged in a manner which many viewers might find too prosaic  but which insinuated itself into my imagination with its confidence . gilbert grape ( johnny depp ) is a young man living in rural endora  iowa  facing incredible responsibilities . as the man of the house since his father ', s suicide  gilbert must support the family by working at the local grocery store . he also must watch over his mentally handicapped brother arnie ( leonardo dicaprio ) and help care for his extremely overweight mother ( darlene cates ) . gilbert seems destined to spend the rest of his life in the small town until the arrival in endora of becky ( juliette lewis )  a free spirit passing through with her grandmother when their truck breaks down . as he spends time with becky  gilbert begins to think about all the things he is missing . slowly his resentment builds  until he realizes that he can no longer live his entire life for other people . director lasse hallstrom ( my life as a dog ) and legendary cinematographer sven nykvist create a magnificent visual backdrop for peter hedges ', screenplay  based on his own novel . endora is a town on the edge of the world represented by the giant foodmart  a tiny insular community where everyone knows everyone else . the midwestern sunsets and sprawling fields are beautifully photographed  and the atmosphere of the town is intensely real . minor characters  like crispin glover as the town ', s mortician  are vividly realized  and there are echoes of the last picture show in mary steenburgen ', s desperately unhappy housewife . one of the most perfectly realized scenes focuses on the grand opening of a burger franchise  attended by the entire town and accompanied by the off - key high school band . not a single note in the depiction of endora rang false . the same can be said of the character of gilbert . it ', s testimony to the precision involved in his creation that he came together completely with one perfectly placed line  when becky responds to gilbert ', s description of his father with  " i knew someone like that once . " gilbert is a man harboring an ever - growing bitterness about where he finds himself in life  a bitterness which reveals itself in moments of surprising cruelty . in one scene  he allows local children to look at his mother through their window  displaying her like a side show attraction . his entire life seems to be mocked by arnie ', s repeated chants of  " we ', re not going anywhere  " but instead of expressing his dissatisfaction he lets his anger simmer  and it becomes clear that he is following in his father ', s footsteps in this regard . johnny depp expertly demonstrates the tension central to gilbert by playing everything below the surface  but he never gives in to one - dimensional blankness or simply regurgitates his naif roles in benny & joon and edward scissorhands . depp ', s performance is overshadowed  however  by leonardo dicaprio ', s astonishing oscar - nominated supporting work as arnie . he puts to shame such big name actors as john malkovich and dustin hoffman  whose mentally challenged characters never seemed completely real . dicaprio is perfect to the last twitch and squeal  and anyone who has ever spent time with mentally challenged kids will be hard - pressed to spot a flaw . darlene cates  a first - time actor  brings real pain to her scenes as gilbert ', s tortured mother  and laura harrington and mary kate schellhardt are solid as gilbert ', s sisters . only juliette lewis doesn ', t quite click  playing a critical role with her now familiar dopey drone and too little genuine spark . gilbert grape does seem to drift into its conclusion  but it never lost me . thanks to a lovingly created setting and a marvelous cast  this 1993 release proves well worth the wait .
pos hollywood has a . 750 batting average with elmore leonard adaptations . last year ', s touch was ill - conceived and just plain odd but get shorty  jackie brown and now out of sight all were highly entertaining movies . steven soderburgh  master of sex  lies and videotape  now adds crime to his repertoire in this tale of bank robbery  prison  double - crossing  uncut diamonds and  oh yeah  true love . george clooney is the protagonist  a risky choice after such duds as batman and robin and the peacemaker  but for once i didn ', t want to slap the taste out of his mouth . he plays his role in out of sight as the suave cary grant - type perfected in hitchcock movies  the kind of guy to whom crime is just a profession like any other . nowhere present is clooney ', s usual ain ', t - i - sexy sneer -- there ', s just enough leftover lightheartedness to fit in with the leonard style . clooney is definitely a perfect successor to john travolta in get shorty . clooney plays a man who ', s robbed about 200 banks without ever using a gun . in the opening scene  he walks into one bank and robs it not only with ease but with charm . of course  he gets caught  so it ', s not all good . it ', s while doing time in a florida prison that clooney learns of one rich inmate ', s ( albert brooks in a frightful bald wig ) collection of diamonds in detroit . clooney and cohort ving rhames plan the score  while protection artist and fight promoter don cheadle begins rival plans . meanwhile  there ', s jennifer lopez . unintentionally funny in selena and intentionally funny in anaconda  she ', s finally graduated to a worthy role as the u . s . marshal who happens to be driving up to the jail on the night clooney escapes . rhames is waiting to give him a ride in a stolen car  and lopez makes it a threesome  her hostage ass locked in a trunk with clooney . he ', s covered in dirt and has a gun to her neck  and it ', s a little cramped in there  but they manage to make a love connection anyway  probably because it ', s a movie . the relationship between clooney and lopez is at the heart of the movie  and one of the details that elevates it beyond your normal noir - ish crime story . the leonard movies are more obsessed with dialogue than crime  and this is no exception . although they ', re not really germane to the plot  lopez ', s relationship with her father ( dennis farina of get shorty )  rhames ', relationship with his christian sister ( you could call her sister christian ) and a pop - in cameo by michael keaton all lend extra class to a movie already full of it . out of sight spans at least three years but has a non - linear structure  focusing on the jailbreak / brooks score and flashing back to earlier times . this is a movie with a brain  as smooth and calculated as the clooney and lopez characters themselves . the entire cast does the material justice -- clooney and lopez coming into their own  and rhames and cheadle cementing their positions as two of my favorites . here ', s hoping future leonard adaptations continue to carry the torch . serving america for almost 1 / 20th of a century !
pos synopsis : rumored to be about a true person  the story of mulan has circulated in oral tradition for over a thousand years  and has inspired operas  literature  and even coinage . ( since 1984  china has been issuing annual gold and silver coin sets commemorating famous historical figures ; the 1992 set includes mulan . ) in the ballad of mulan ( written in the 5th or 6th century )  an imperial edict by the khan ( emperor ) orders men from each family to be drafted into the army to defend china . a girl ', s parents hear sighing  and think that their daughter mulan ( the name means magnolia ) is dreaming of boys  but actually she ', s dreading what horrors might befall her old infirm father if he were to be drafted off to battle . mulan bravely runs away  masquerading as a boy  to serve in the army instead of her father . ten thousand miles and twelve years of brutal war later  the army finally returns in triumph . the emperor wants to reward mulan ', s valor with a prestigious position in government  but she declines  accepts a horse  and returns home quietly to don her true clothes . mulan ', s old army buddies visit and get the shock of their lives when they find out that mulan is actually a woman . the disney animated feature mulan is similar to the ballad story  only it adds a modern character for comic relief : mushu the dragon ( eddie murphy ) . in disney ', s mulan  when a fierce army of invading huns threatens to overrun peaceful china the emperor orders one man from each family to be conscripted into the army . old mr . fa ( soon - tek oh ) is handicapped and has no son ; he has only his spirited young daughter mulan ( ming - na wen ) . fearing for her father ', s life  the courageous mulan secretly cuts her hair  disguises herself as a man  and sneaks off to serve in the army in her father ', s stead . meanwhile mushu  the disgraced and demoted guardian dragon of the fa family  has been reduced to the size of a squirrel and the status of incense burner . ( his only duty is to ring a gong . ) mushu hits upon a plan to redeem himself and regain his guardian status by helping the disguised mulan to become a macho male warrior hero . with the help of mushu  a horse  and a lucky cricket  can army recruit mulan save china and bring honor to the fa family ? opinion : east meets west . i know a chef in santa fe that does this sort of magic ; he combines asian culinary influences from the west coast with latin american from down south and european from the atlantic to concoct new creations that hit just the right combination of flavors . from their state of the art animation studio in orlando  disney is hoping to work the same kind of east / west magic with mulan . i mean  what would you say if i told you that a new movie featured tang dynasty art  with donny osmond singing  ming - na wen acting  and eddie murphy playing a chinese dragon that makes pop references to batman and the reverend jessie jackson ? yet this is the case in the disney ', s re - interpretation of the familiar chinese classic . the end result is spectacular ; mulan is one of disney ', s best movies ever . personally  i ', m also glad to see the detestable american stereotype of the weak - willed subservient asian woman take a beating : mulan is portrayed as a normal  if spirited  compassionate gal capable of taking the initiative . mulan is more than just eastern graphics and faces combined with westernized pop and disney . kids of any age will like the family themes  and will understand the good guys versus bad guys thing . and adolescent and preteen girls can appreciate the romance factor  while the boys admire the battles . and adults can admire those male / female nuances as well as the interplay between traditional notions of family  honor  and duty with industrial age notions of romantic love  gumption  and questioning . but even the tiniest details reveal quality . the movie ', s art supervisors spent three weeks in china researching the right look : negative spaces  positive detail  period clothing  and graphic designs typical of the time and place . computers were used for crowd scenes of up to 30  000 people  and a special program called ', attila ', was used for a spectacular sequence involving 2000 attacking huns on horseback . and singers osmond and salonga are at the top of their game . balance is crucial . a movie about a chuckling lone dragon played by eddie murphy might not be disney ', s cup of tea  but if you use the character as a comic sidekick to balance a determined and spirited heroine  then  pow ! the dream team . by the same token  a tale about a girl in the army might be a sober exercise in filial piety by itself  but toss the dragon in there and you ', ve got enough wahoo individualism for a light hearted disney romp . it ', s rare that a movie can seamlessly combine elements from both east and west  old and young  male and female into a cohesive and entertaining whole  but mulan hits the universal bullseye . it ', s movie for any age  creed  gender  or color .
pos if you ', ve ever perused my college comedy diary " another year in the life of a nerd " ( i never run out of cheap plugs )  you know i didn ', t get along with my first - semester roommate too well . in fact  during the three - week period between thanksgiving and christmas break  i said a total of four sentences to him . so when i saw in the residence hall cable listings a movie called roommates  i envisioned 90 minutes of conflict between a couple of bickering young adults trapped in a 10 x 13 foot dorm room . then i saw that the star of roommates is peter falk . scratch that idea . but i still say someone should film the story of two college roommates whose relationship is less than ideal . of course  in my case it would be a silent picture . even without the college element  i still decided to watch roommates because i had absolutely nothing to do  unless you count studying for final exams ( and who does ? ) . i ', m glad i did . peter falk ', s performance was actually what made the movie . and this is a guy i never considered a real actor  more like someone who went around in a trenchcoat solving prescripted mysteries . falk pleasantly surprised me here  permanently earning my respect  so all you " columbo " fans who think i live to insult the guy can just falk off . falk plays rocky  a 107 - year - old polish baker who raises his grandson after both the kid ', s parents die . the movie begins with the mom ', s death and the son moving in with his grandparents . after a couple stops along the son ', s journey to manhood  roommates progresses to the present day  with the grandson a surgeon and rocky in a condemned house he refuses to leave . the surgeon reluctantly offers the only possible solution -- rocky will have to move into his place  the basement of a building rented by a group of chinese students ( " communists ! " ) . the movie spans nine more years of rocky ', s relationship with his grandson  and the trials posed when the grandson meets and falls in love with -- gasp -- a woman  and starts spending all his time with her . so  in his grandson ', s absence  rocky turns his pursuits to professional boxing  achieveing the world heavyweight title in a climactic fight with apollo creed . . . or am i confusing movie plots again ? roommates has an almost epic feel to it  covering several generations of a family with one fiesty immigrant who refuses to die . death  though  knocks at the door of almost every other major character in the the movie . roommates has about as many casualties as the first halloween . the number can ', t be counted on one hand  unless of course you ', re the victim of some hideous genetic mutation . and you can probably guess who says farewell to planet earth at the end of the movie ( no  not duran duran ) . i won ', t come out and say it . instead  i ', ll just sit here and hum " eye of the tiger " until each and every one of you figures it out . roommates plays on all the major emotions . it knows when to make you laugh and when to make you cry . movies that can perfectly mix comedy and drama are always hits with the audience  even though this one bombed at the theaters . my point ? there are no absolutes . or  another possible point  peter falk just isn ', t such a great box office draw . either way  this is still a good movie and you should give it a chance like i did  whether you hate your roommate or not .
pos capsule : the director of cure brings a weird and very complex concept to the screen . one viewing will not be enough to understand fully the premise of pulse . the idea is something about ghosts and the internet . the film has an amazing apocalyptic style .  + 2 ( - 4 to + 4 ) perhaps the most disturbing ( and disturbed ? ) filmmaker in the world is kiyoshi kurosawa . his films all seem to have one style  bleak . the worlds he creates are terrifying and cold . little known in the us to date  his films deliver the kind of horror that so many of our filmmakers promise and are unable to deliver . most of his ideas are fresh and at the same time morbid . his 1998 film cure  with one of his niftiest ideas  is just now getting a sadly limited release in the us and hopefully enough people will see it that his name will soon be one to conjure with . cure is probably his classic . last year he released seance  a remake of seance on a wet afternoon . that was perhaps a miscalculation inserting supernatural elements into a non - supernatural story . pulse is kurosawa back on form . taguchi  a young computer expert  is late with his delivery of some important software . two co - workers go to his apartment and find it a dismal dark affair in spite of his computer equipment . taguchi  acting very strangely  lets his friends look for the missing software . meanwhile he slips behind a plastic curtain . when he fails to respond to calls his friends follow him behind the curtain and discover he has hanged himself . if that was not horror enough the body seems to disappear leaving just a strange dark mildew - like spot on the wall . taguchi ', s computer seems to have been infected with some kind of computer virus . people whose computer gets the virus seem superficially to die via suicide . but they are not entirely dead . their spirits seem to remain present somehow in the real world and on the internet . people who get the computer virus are asked if they want to see a ghost . if they say yes  they seem to be able to see real time images of the spirits still nearby somehow . the computer shows them impossible images of ghosts in their own rooms as seen from cameras that do not exist . this is all somehow connected to heaven and hell somehow filling up and overflowing " like a computer disk . " instead the dead seem to be staying on earth and inhabiting computer viruses . there is some sort of passage between worlds having something to do with doors marked with red tape and strange electronic disturbances on computers . leave it to kurosawa to find a new kind of death . this is a film that has more weird ideas piled together than lifeforce and somehow kurosawa makes the film all work . it may not totally convey his message of isolation and its parallels to death  but whatever it does convey is nightmarish . kurosawa  who directs his own screenplay  ties his story into the real world with some familiar and accurate computer discussion . frequently the plot is advanced with character hunches being assumed to be fact . his plotting is frequently hard to follow and always very strange . junichiro hayashi  the cinematographer who recently has been doing all of kurosawa ', s films  creates a dark  cold  and gloomy tone . images are obscured by semi - lighting or are behind plastic curtain . scenes are not milked for their horror the way american exploitation films might . people are shot with guns but there is little if any blood in evidence . seeing black silhouettes on computer screens is not immediately scary . kurosawa is not going for and easy visual shock  but a deeper metaphysical dread . of any horror filmmaker in the world  kiyoshi kurosawa is the one to watch . i rate this metaphysical look at isolation a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a + 2 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
pos when i first heard that disney ', s next animated feature was going to be tarzan  i was almost horrified . i was worried that disney was going to make another hercules ( sorry  jerk - ules ) . that effort was too overloaded with comedy ( and the hero was too boastful and pompous to be considered a sympathetic hero )  and  after viewing it to this day  i find it a disgrace for disney animation . when i saw the trailers  i was thinking " hmm . . . this isn ', t bad at all . this just might have potential . " when i bought the soundtrack  i was really quite surprised at how different it sounded from most disney features . i have never really heard of phil collins  nor have i heard of mark mancina  so i was wondering  how would these two make this disney flick spin ? i was pleasantly surprised : the music is top - notch . phil collins ', songs are terrific  percussion - heavy pieces of work that seem to break the formula for typical disney songs . the score from mark mancina was also neat ; it reminded me a bit of the lion king  but it was more original . so  the soundtrack wasn ', t bad at all  considering it was by two people i am not familiar with . this film could be good . . . but will it be ? when i finally went to see it ( on opening day  as i tend to do with most disney animated features )  my question was answered  in a complete turnabout of expectations for me : disney ', s tarzan is surprisingly decent . the story starts out with tarzan ', s parents surviving a shipwreck and finding a home on an island where apes live in peace . however  one day  a vicious leopard  sabor  attacks and kills tarzan ', s parents  leaving him ( at this time  a baby ) alone - until kala of the apes rescues him . kala wants to raise the child as her own ( she lost hers previously to sabor )  but her mate  kerchak is not too sure . " it ', s not our kind  " he says . he agrees  though  to let her take care of little tarzan  but " that doesn ', t make him my son . " tarzan grows up  vowing to be " the best ape ever "  but no matter how hard he tries or what he does ( at the guidance of his hilarious ape friend  terk )  he just can ', t convince kerchak that he is one of the apes  even when he defeats sabor in a battle . one day  a new animal shows up : humans . this is where jane comes into the picture . she is on an expedition with her father ( professor porter )  and a despicable hunter ( clayton ) searching for gorillas . tarzan rescues her when she is chased by baboons  and soon they get to know each other . even though tarzan falls in love with jane  this causes things to go wrong . clayton tricks tarzan into taking him  jane  and porter to see the apes  who are convinced that he has betrayed them . worse  clayton has plotted to send the gorillas to london for money . will tarzan find out which family he belongs to and save the apes ? i ', m not gonna tell you  sorry . you ', re gonna have to see for yourself . and see it you should ; the animation is  as always  top notch  particularly when tarzan goes soaring through the trees ( read that  skateboarding ) . the deep canvas computer generated effect adds an authentic feeling to the jungle which tarzan lives in . in fact  it seems similar to the computer imagery / cel animation combination in rival disney animted films  such as fox ', s anastasia and dreamworks ', prince of egypt . could it be that disney was actually taking ideas from their rivals ? the casting is fairly good . tony goldwyn is emotionally believeable as tarzan ( and to my relief  the animators have succeeded in not making him another hercules . nicely done )  and glenn close is wonderful as kala ( she has a beautiful singing voice  too  by the way ) . lance henrikson as kerchak somewhat reminds me of robby benson ', s beast voice  which makes him all the more ferocious and gripping . minnie driver had me a little worried at first as the voice of jane . i thought she had the most annoying voice in the whole film ( when i first saw the trailers )  but when i saw the film  i didn ', t have a problem with her . i take back my insult on driver . it ', s nice to hear nigel hawthorne do another voice for a disney animated feature ( he was fflewdurr flamm in disney ', s most underrated classic  the black cauldron ) ; he is funny and delightful as professor porter . on the villiany side of the voices  brian blessed ( the guy who did boss nass in star wars : episode i - the phantom menace ) brings a pompous  and later on vicious  voice to the sinister clayton . he might not be the strongest character in the film ( he ', s just a plain bad guy  nothing else )  but blessed ', s vocal work contributes greatly . but if there is any voice that i think steals the whole show  it should be rosie o ', donnell  who is hilariously funny as terk . she also has a fiesty attitude ( " i ', m gonna kill ya ! " she says  more than once ) . i almost sung along with her during one of the film ', s best moments  where the apes make a mess of the human ', s camp  via song  er  scatting " shoo - be - doo  da - be - dah " . i can see why she wanted to have a rock song for the film  she ', s a good singer . not that she was the only funny character in the film  though . wayne knight ( who played stan in space jam ) gives a whimsically funny style to tantor  an elephant who is especially worried about stepping into " un - sanitary " water . ( thankfully  there is no real sound of flatuence - that would have killed the picture ) . the songs  as i said before  are decent  mostly sung by collins . this sets a new standard for disney animated films because for the first time  the characters do not sing . i tolerate musical numbers from characters a lot more than some other guys would  but i found this to be a nice change of pace . the story does have elements of comedy in it  but they also load it with strong dramatic touches  which makes this film far better than the unbelieveably uninspired hercules . if there is anything disappointing about tarzan  it might be the omission of the ', n sync version of " trashing the camp " from the film . i heard it on the soundtrack  and wondered where it was going to be . i was upset that it wasn ', t  because i had thought of taking a few friends of mine who like ', n sync to see tarzan . oh  well . . . overall  i was enthralled with tarzan . i wouldn ', t hold it high the way i do with mulan or the hunchback of notre dame ( my all - time favorite disney classics )  but this film deserves a high place among disney ', s greatest achievements . i give a nod to disney for following up their spectacular * * * * * masterpiece  mulan  with this great animated adaption of egar rice burrough ', s tarzan .
pos the opening crawl tells us that the galaxy is in turmoil over the taxation of trade routes  and the greedy trade federation has used it ', s armada of powerful space battleships to blockade the planet naboo . we soon find that the federation plans to invade the planet with an enormous army of warrior robots and force naboo ', s ruler  the young queen amidala ( natalie portman ) to sign a treaty giving the federation control . however  the galactic republic has sent jedi knights qui - gon jinn ( liam neeson ) and obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor ) as emissaries to the federation in order to negotiate for the ending of the blockade . no sooner do they arrive than the federation leaders are instructed via holographic transmission by a mysterious cloaked figure to destroy the jedi  and the first battle begins . it seems that for me and thousands of people like me  the love for george lucas ', s trilogy of star wars movies has only grown over time . we ', re the fans  not the freaks . we won ', t go dressing up like darth vader ( although you have to admit those imperial uniforms are pretty darn cool )  and we won ', t incorporate lines from the script in our everyday conversations ( not all the time  anyway )  but if someone wants to challenge us to a little trivia contest  we ', re throwing down . all right  stop looking at me like that . we have been faithfully and patiently waiting . waiting for this movie ever since the end credits of return of the jedi started to roll . you see  the trilogy is not just a set of movies  but a religion of sorts to we  the faithful disciples  and the phantom menace is tantamount to the second coming of the messiah . unfortunately  it is not our savior . for weeks beforehand  i was going around telling people that this movie had better be damned good - stupendously good - miraculously good . anything less and it ', ll be the biggest disappointment of the century . i didn ', t want the doomsaying prophecy to come true  really i didn ', t  but this film nevertheless fails to reach the pinnacles of filmmaking . character development is virtually nonexistent . with the possible exception of qui - gon  most of the film ', s characters seem left with nothing to do but go through the motions . none seem very affected by their experiences  and few even show any passion at all . contrast this with the horribly irritating comic relief we are nearly continuously subjected to in the form of jar jar binks  a creature belonging to a race which lives in underwater cities on naboo  in precarious symbiosis with the land dwellers led by amidala . jar jar ', s life is saved by qui - gon early in the film  and travels with our heroes for the sole reason of making us laugh ( or supposedly so ) . his speech mannerisms are so " cute - ified " that i couldn ', t understand a third of what he was saying  and the slapstick he performed was just distracting . his head gets caught in an electronic field  his foot gets caught in the stirrup of some large beast  he describes being in trouble as " deep doo doo  " and even manages to step in some of the same while walking around in mos eisley spaceport . therein lies a key difference between this film and one of its predecessors . in star wars  we had obi - wan telling us mos eisley was a " wretched hive of scum and villainy . " in the phantom menace  we get doo doo . the films of the trilogy took me away from my everyday life and immersed me in a story " a long time ago in a galaxy far  far away . . . . " this film  on the other hand  constantly reminds me that it ', s only a movie by including situations and phrases that are so uniquely modern american that they seem incredibly out of place and serve to jerk the viewer from the experience . perhaps the most blatant offense occurs during a scene where young anakin skywalker enters into a pod racing competition ( it ', s kind of like chariot racing with large engines instead of horses )  and there are a couple of commentators in a press box delivering indy 500 - like play by play . i liked the pod race ; it was really exciting and ratcheted the tension  but when the heck did lucas think up the idea of putting in the sportscasters ? the race would have been even more exciting without the distraction . this aspect  coupled with the emphasis on humor simply baffled me . i suppose one may say that lucas was trying to appeal to the younger viewer  but would more intelligent scenes and dialog hurt this appeal at all ? didn ', t millions of youngsters still go back to see the original star wars in 1977 over and over again ? didn ', t the action figures still sell like hotcakes ? of course they did  and it ', s only poor judgment that allows the most - eagerly awaited film in history to be marred by pandering to children who would still have enjoyed a film with more appeal for adults . one aspect that will appeal broadly  however  is the use of special effects . the people at lucas ', s industrial light and magic  the world ', s premiere effects house  outdid themselves in providing seamless integration of computer - generated images and real - life footage . some of the scenes have to be seen to be believed  especially the shots of a land battle between the federation ', s robot army and jar jar ', s countrymen . the space battles are also impressive  although improved over past efforts by only subtle margins to the casual observer . this  however  is a testament to the work which ilm produced two decades ago and still holds up well today . john williams is back  of course  providing a score for the film as only he can . his music is pervasive throughout  as rousing and as dramatic as ever  always serving to punctuate scenes noticeably and appropriately . since this film is supposed to be the first installment in a nine - episode story ( star wars  the empire strikes back and return of the jedi being episodes four  five and six  respectively )  the phantom menace has the daunting task of setting up the origins of several characters we know already  in addition to those with whom we unfamiliar . as a result  attention to history and characterization was spread a little thin . it would have been nice to get more in depth with yoda and obi - wan  for example  but given the fact that there were several new characters to cover  it is understandable that some of the development has been left for the next two films . one of the new characters is darth maul  hailed as the new villain with as much hype as marketing forces could muster prior to this film ', s release . in spite of the hype  darth maul is a character which almost didn ', t have to be in the film  his role is so insignificant . he has maybe three spoken lines ( believe it or not  a second actor voices the character ) and the rest of the time just scowls and looks mean . with that working against him  he never has a chance at being interesting and instead ends up an utter disappointment . lucas seems to have wanted to develop the spiritual nature of the star wars universe  something which has been prominent throughout . however  he does so largely by paralleling the star wars spirituality with the bible  offering an easy out for story - writing and once again bringing the viewer back to planet earth with a real - life connection . oddly  while trying to capitalize on spirituality  lucas at the same time introduces the fact that mastery of the force is dependent upon having little force - loving parasites in your body ', s cells . this only serves to de - mystify the workings of the force a few notches by offering a scientific connection . don ', t let me mislead you too far . the phantom menace  by most standards  is a good film . it contains a lot of visual treats  sets the stage for an epic story  gives us a bit of excitement here and there  and even allows us to revisit some of our old friends . it ', s just that when held up to it ', s predecessors ( and to not do so would be unrealistic )  this film simply pales .
pos in december of 1996  a little movie called " scream  " was released  became a box - office smash  and resurrected films targeted at teens . first  it was teen slasher movies that were the big fad ( both " scream " movies  " i know what you did last summer  " " urban legend  " etc . )  but just recently  the popularity has switched over to the teen comedy genre ( a ', la ', 80s john hughes )  starting with last june ', s " can ', t hardly wait . " it may be the first week of april in 1999  but so far this year we have been given a movie aimed at the 25 - and - under market almost every single week : " varsity blues  " " jawbreaker  " " cruel intentions  " " simply irresistible  " " the rage : carrie 2  " and " the mod squad . " coming april 9 are two more of this type : " never been kissed " and " go  " and on april 23  we ', ve got the teen satire " election " and the teen horror - comedy " idle hands . " jeesh ! out of all of these moves  however  the one that is most similar to the latest incarnation  " 10 things i hate about you  " is this past january ', s mediocre  ho - hum " she ', s all that . " although similar in plotting ( ok  darn near identical )  " 10 things i hate about you  " a modern - day version of shakespeare ', s " the taming of the shrew " ( " she ', s all that " got its inspiration from " pygmalion " )  is an infinitely superior film in every department  from the smart direction by first - time feature director gil junger to the charming and well - written screenplay by karen mccullah lutz and kirsten smith to the striking ensemble cast  who give the best group of performances in a teen comedy since 1985 ', s " the breakfast club . " and to top it all off  in the inevitable climax set at the prom  at least we didn ', t have to once again suffer through a goofy  inappropriate dance sequence ( who could forget  or want to remember  for that matter  this ludicrous development in " she ', s all that ? " ) . the day wide - eyed  shy new student cameron james ( joseph gordon - levitt ) starts school at seattle - based padua high  he is swept away at the sight of the beautiful and popular sophomore  bianca stratford ( larisa oleynik ) . although he doesn ', t know french  he purposefully learns some of it just so he can tutor her  but finds that her paranoid gynecologist father ( larry miller ) won ', t allow her to date until her bitter  unconventional older sister  kat ( julia stiles )  a senior  decides to . kat  of course  has sworn off the likes of boys  but cameron sets out to find someone that will be the perfect match for her  which is exactly what he finds in the form of the rebellious patrick verona ( heath ledger ) . complicating matters  cameron ', s dorky friend  michael ( david krumholtz )  decides to use a wealthy jock  joey ( andrew keegan )  who also has his sights set on bianca  as a pawn so that he will pay patrick to get kat to go out with him  and then cameron hopes to steal bianca away from joey . as you can see  " 10 things i hate about you " includes a huge number of characters  some of which i haven ', t even mentioned  such as kat ', s shakespeare - obsessed friend  mandella ( susan may pratt ) and bianca ', s materialistic comrade  chastity ( gabrielle union ) . at a short  but well - used running time of 98 minutes  all of the characters are perfectly handled  satisfyingly developed  and  for the most part  are not treated as caricatures ( another flaw of " she ', s all that  " where the bad guys ( and gals ) ran around constantly saying  " you ', re vapor " ) . since i could sympathize with the realistic depictions of the central characters  and since many of the comedic and dramatic scenes were surprisingly effective  i got completely caught up in all of the relationships and was thoroughly entertained . aside from a good screenplay  it ', s the performances that can make or break a movie  and director junger has really hit the jackpot . aside from joseph gordon - levitt ( " 3rd rock from the sun " )  who gives his strongest performance to date here  none of the actors are that well - known  but it is this aspect that brings a particular freshness to the proceedings . as the main character of kat  julia stiles ( last seen in the miniseries " the ', 60s " ) is marvelous and always believable  and certainly has a bright future ahead of her . even though it is her role that is initially the most difficult and hard - edged  it was easy to identify with kat ', s way of thinking ( she is against the silly tradition of the prom and loves reading sylvia plath )  and i completely admired her individuality . no one  i think  could have portrayed her as perfectly as stiles does . heath ledger  as the infamous bad - boy of the town  injects much life into patrick  and has a lot of chemistry with stiles . one other actor of note is larisa oleynik who  with the help of screenwriters lutz and smith  is able to turn bianca into a person with multi - dimensions  even though she is accurately self - centered at the on - set . in one truthful scene  cameron angrily asks her if she has always been so selfish  and bianca grudgingly realizes that yes  she has . one off - beat element of the film  and a source of some hearty laughs  is the way that the school ', s staff act  which is strikingly unformal . allison janney  as the guidance counselor ms . perky  who is writing a trashy harlequin romance novel  is comic dynamite  as is daryl " chill " mitchell as the english teacher  who reads shakespeare to the class in rap and  at one point  sends kat to the office because  for once  she actually thinks one of his assignments is really good . although there are a few cheap laughs that are thrown into the film near the beginning  most of it actually works  especially in the humorous and witty dialogue exchanges and quirks between the characters . in one very funny scene  chastity asks  " i know people can be overwhelmed  and they can be underwhelmed  but can people just be . . . whelmed ? " at another point  bianca and kat ', s father ( a stand - out larry miller )  who is constantly terrified that his daughters are going to get pregnant  only allows bianca to go to the prom on one occasion : before she leaves  she has to put on the heavy fat suit he has so she will get an idea of what it ', s like to be pregnant . " 10 things i hate about you " once and for all proves that there is still life in the teen comedy genre  and this movie is probably more reminiscent of the great john hughes than any other film of the ', 90s . it also helps that the movie has a perfectly - assembled soundtrack  mixing indie - rock with new wave ', 80s songs ( and with  thank goodness  no rap ) . by the film ', s end  it actually had me rooting for certain characters to get together  and i was also quite pleased with how everything was wrapped up  especially in the final scenes involving kat and bianca  kat and her father  and a flawlessly - acted and moving sequence in which kat gets up to read the poem she has written for her english class ( this is where the title comes from ) . luckily  i doubt i would be able to find ten things i hate about " 10 things i hate about you  " but the positive aspects of the film far out - number ten .
pos the last steve martin film i saw  the spanish prisoner  was a very different approach for the comic actor . as a millionaire leading a massive conspiracy in order to rob " a process " from a clueless businessman  martin ', s character did it all for money . in his most recent movie  bowfinger  martin plays yet another con man except this time he does it to succeed in the film industry . he wants to direct a successful picture that will force people to remember his name  that will make him more popular at the parties  and  most importantly  that will cause fed ex to deliver important business packages to his front door . playing the title role  martin is once again the good guy ; the one we cheer for to complete his low budget action movie . this con man is very likeable for some reason  even though he is doing the same exact thing as the malicious jimmy del from the spanish prisoner . maybe the message is that  in hollywood  to win over the trust and friendship of others  you have to be a little evil . bowfinger is a very clever comedy with great performances from its two stars . martin  who also wrote the screenplay  is perfect as a jerk with a conscience and eddie murphy does his best " peter sellers " in two different  but equally hilarious  roles ; one as a big time move star and the other as his nerdy  burger king employee brother . the story follows aging and failing director / producer bobby bowfinger as he makes one last attempt to become a respected member of his field by creating a b - action movie called chubby rain . in order to attract actors and crew members  bowfinger promises them that hot shot actor kit ramsey will star in the movie . the only problem is that kit refuses to be in it . but this won ', t stop the aggressive bowfinger . he is so determined to complete his film that he decides to put kit in it without even telling him . he has his actors approach kit on the streets of los angeles in character with a hidden camera filming the footage . will bowfinger be able to make his film ? or will kit ramsey discover what exactly is going on ? bowfinger is a very cartoon - like movie that pokes fun at hollywood and its famous residents while simultaneously holding a very solid story line . the only area where the film really lacks is the cameo department . this is the kind of movie that cameos are all about  it is always funny to see actors / directors / producers making fun of themselves or co - workers especially in a playful movie such as this . besides the very repetitive and superflous ending  bowfinger is a joy to watch . if you take a movie like this seriously then you will never enjoy it . if you accept the incredulous plot and the extreme caricatures of real entertainment figures  the movie is great fun .
pos whenever studio executives try to combine the successful formula of two blockbuster films  the end result is always a mess of a script  acting  directing  and generally a waste of time for any audience with an average iq above 40 . the latest movie morass from hollywood  the crew  appeared equally destined to fail  a strange combination of grumpy old men and goodfellas tossed together with the likes of richard dreyfuss and burt reynolds helming the ship . the scary thing is that it ', s actually entertaining and a breath of fresh air in this otherwise stale month . the crew works for several reasons . the clever script is reminiscent of an old billy wilder movie  following four " past their prime " wiseguys from jersey who now live in the raj mahal apartment house in miami beach . the wiseguys find themselves being evicted from their " golden paradise " by greedy landlords bent on raising rents for new beach bunnies and boys looking for beachfront property . the four mobsters  bobby bartellemeo ( richard dreyfuss )  joey " bats " pistella ( burt reynolds )  mike " the brick " donatelli ( dan hedaya )  and tony " mouth " donato ( seymour cassel ) decide to hatch a scheme to plant there a dead body heisted from the morgue in order to drive out the new tenants and keep their home . this " simple plan " suddenly goes screwy  of course  and the boys become involved with a stripper named ferris ( jennifer tilly ) who wants her stepmother killed  a paranoid latin drug lord who ', s convinced a mysterious rival is out to get him  and a rat with its tail on fire . the crew works as a strong comedic vehicle driven by a great ensemble cast of talented character actors and subtle leading men . instead of concentrating on bobby ', s search for his daughter  the film gives equal screen time to all four wiseguys  balancing the production . the acting talents of such screen veterans as dan hedaya  seymour cassel  and the great  great burt reynolds are brought out by each character ', s uniqueness and synergy within the wiseguy circle . a strong supporting cast including jeremy piven as a philandering boyfriend / cop / partner and miguel sandoval as the paranoid drug lord provide the most laughs . the film was produced by barry sonnenfeld and carries a hint get shorty with its energetic camera work by michael dinner  emmy award - winning director of the wonder years . the quick script written by barry fanaro  screenwriter of kingpin  is carried by plenty of subtly dry humor and wit . the crew is a prime example of how simple and dry - witted a comedy can get these days . the great thing is that this comedy does not need to be punctuated by bodily fluids  phallus symbols in the head  or grandmothers giving head in a spa . in the steady flow of " extreme " comedy these days flowing from hollywood like a broken water main  it ', s the elder statesmen like dreyfuss  reynolds  and hedaya that can carry a comic arc with only a few weapons of choice - a decent script and good acting .
pos along his carreer  mel gibson has collected several successes  not only from an economic point of view but also from an artistic point of view . for all that  i think no one could guess the skills and abilities now disclosed in braveheart . the australian actor decided to produce and direct a film about sir william wallace  a popular scotch hero of the 13th century  where he would also perform the principal role . accepting so huge challenge  mel gibson run the risk of stain all his work of years  with a suppoosed failure  just to see recognized  by everyone  all his potentialities and  that way  to consolidate his position in hollywood . it was  definitely  an enormous risk but i ', m sure mel knew exactly well what he was going to face . braveheart is  in fact  a magnificent and magisterial film . for three hours we are completely absorbed by the narrative ', s rhyitm which never gives place to a single moment of monotony or uninterest . the william wallace ', s story is the story of so many others brave liberty ', s defenders who fought and gave the life for that essential value  along the centuries . seeing himself and his people victims of injustices and violent repression  william wallace dares to face the powerful edward i  king of england  in a war by the autonomy of scotland . as the victories succeed the number of fighters with wallace goes growing up . his courage and inteligence are admired by everyone  including the princess isabelle of wales  wife of edward ', s son . however  william wallace was also surrounded by enemies and some of them were closer than he thought . braveheart may not be an historically corrected movie but the nature of its message make us think about the importance that we give to liberty  nowadays . mel gibson directs with a lot of brilliancy a brilliant cast . patrick mcgoohan has a very nice performance as edward i  the king longshank . the scene when he waits for the death and loses his voice is really good . sophie marceau  as princess isabelle  has along the movie no more than fifteen minutes of performance but mel gibson gave to those minutes such a very special treatment that princess isabelle soon becomes one of the major characters in braveheart . i also liked the performances of angus macfadyen  as robert the bruce  and  of course  mel gibson  as william wallace . however  i think this time the mel gibson ', s work as director was much better than his work as actor . the excellent music composed by james horner is another thing that helps braveheart to be the success that it really is . when we join that music to the beautiful scotch landscapes  view by the camera of john toll  then we realize all the beauty of this film . braveheart is  in my opinion  one of the best movies of 1995 ! i ', ve heard some people saying that mel gibson is gonna be a new david lean . for now  let ', s see if braveheart equalizes the 6 oscars of lawrence of arabia . it won ', t be easy ! it ', s gonna be one more challenge for mel gibson .
pos renown surrealist director  the 77 - year - old frenchman alain resnais ( hiroshima  mon amour / last year at marienbad / m ? lo )  has created a lighthearted musical played as an homage to britisher dennis potter and his pennies from heaven ( 1978 tv serial  1981 movie ) and the singing detective ( 1986 ) . the film follows potter ', s gimmicky style of having the characters jump into lip - synched old or contemporary french pop songs to express their private thoughts . he also follows the kind of sweet and colorful musicals his fellow countryman jacques demy loved to direct  such as " the umbrellas of cherbourg " and " the young girls of rochefort . " the tale has resnais ', s unique touches as a director to go along with his homage . it is a satire about class differences and falling in love with the wrong person  and that there is a song in everyone ', s heart for every occasion . what hinders this production is that the stars are not portraying particularly engaging characters  the songs are not memorable and stand little chance of being recognized by an american audience ( the exceptions might be the edith piaf and maurice chevalier numbers )  and the farce seems more banal than daring . yet it is not without its striking moments and charms  such as when jane birkin does a cameo and sings one of her own songs . also  the glossy amberlike photography added a very french romantic feeling to the story  while the mood of paris as being a place for love to flourish above all else  which has always been embellished in movie lore  comes through with flying colors . it also does a good job of showing you the way paris is in the 1990s and in the way ordinary people exist there . it tells the romantic story of six parisians who become intertwined with each other in their ordinary lives as they search for happiness . they are the attractive sisters odile ( sabine az ? ma ) and camille ( agnes jaoui )  with the older businesswoman odile married and decidedly set on a bourgeois life of material comforts . she is married to the glum and laconic claude ( pierre arditi ) . she once went out with a businessman  nicolas ( jean - pierre bacri )  who left her 8 - years ago and now shows up in paris and asks her help to find someone to rent a flat for his family . simon ( andre dussolier ) works as a real - estate salesman and is trying to find nicolas a flat  in his spare time he writes radio plays . simon ', s boss is the much younger  unscrupulous and arrogant marc duveyrier ( lambert wilson )  who inherited the firm from his father and is the real - estate agent selling a more luxurious and larger flat with a better view to odile  but fails to tell her that a building project is going up soon that will block her view . screenwriters and actors jean - pierre bacri and agnes jaoui wrote themselves the best parts . jaoui ', s camille is a university scholar finishing up a ph . d . in history  using for her thesis the study of ', the yeomen in the year 1000 at lake paladru . ', she works as a tour guide in the meantime and suffers from panic attacks  even though she appears to have outwardly perfect self - control . on her tours for the last four years has been the much older simon  pretending to be doing research for his plays but really attracted to her  but not having the nerve to tell her this . to his dismay  he finds out she is dating his mean - spirited but handsome boss  whom she meets when looking at her sister ', s new place and seeing him crying but not realizing that it was from a cold  not because he ', s so sensitive . bacri as the classy nicolas  turns out to be now working as a chauffeur . he is a hypochondriac with a history of depression who visits many doctors  until he finds one who tells him there is nothing wrong with him . odile still pines for him  but he ', s married  telling her he expects his wife to arrive shortly . love is ', the same old song ', that makes the world go ', round  even when all the characters are liars and not exactly open to what their true motives are . everything comes together in a bourgeois housewarming party for odile ', s place  as the characters reveal their true feelings and all their deceptions and neurotic impulses are either uncovered or about to be . there ', s not a lot of bite to this satirical musical  but resnais has never made a bad film and is one of the best current french directors  if not the best . this film is not one his great ones  but it still has enough pep in its light touches to be interesting . it not only has an odd way for the characters to break into song but -- some males even sing in a female voice while some females sing in a male voice . it is also interesting in the way it examines its characters ', behavior as being similar in business as in love .
pos in 1987 the stock market crashed  and oliver stone ', s wall street was released to critical acclaim and packed movie houses . wall street lucked out in its timing ; the recent crash gave the film a resonation it might not of had  and though its kill - or - be - killed approach to business was exaggerated  that very ideology was keyed into the mind set of the quintessential reagan - era businessman . stone constructed his film as a mythical good vs . evil tale relayed in the fast - paced milieu of the burgeoning stock exchange . critics and audiences lauded wall street  elevating its status to that of a contemporary classic . i ', m proud to say that i will never be counted as one of them . i found wall street to be just as axiomatic and pandering as the majority of stone ', s output with its thin caricatures  obvious sentiments  and a charisma barren performance by the young charlie sheen . stone goes for broke in every scene ( the same could be said for nearly all of his works ) . this approach tends to bury his purported message beneath a heap of good intentions . he directs stock exchange scenes in typical hyperbolic mode with people shouting into phones as if they were in a plummeting airplane . it ', s all an excuse for stone to ratchet up the emotion with false intensity  rather than explore what these situations are really like . i have a feeling the brokers would be psychologically manipulative ( as they are presented in boiler room ) rather than laughably over the top . these guys are salesmen after all  not televised judges . more than anything i am baffled by why so many adore wall street . the only possible solution i can muster is its release date . and not just the timeliness of the " greed is good " subject matter : the film was plumped down in the eighties  a decade in which the one - joke comedy rose to an art form  and a group of glamorous brat packers smirked their way through inane high concept  low result movies . in my mind  the eighties will forever be remembered as a decade with not only a proliferation of bad movies  but bad music  bad hair  and bad clothes . maybe stone ', s after school special set in wall street was viewed as a welcome change of pace . boiler room is an equally well - timed film with some similarities to stone ', s piece of crap . they both feature a consequential father - son relationship  though boiler room ', s is much more subtle and touching . and they are both concerned with the power of greed  yet the men in boiler room are akin to poseurs presuming to be big shots rather than the slippery - smooth  heartless gordon gecko figures of wall street . boiler room is a message movie as well  though ( at least until the end ) doesn ', t shove it in our faces . boiler room is about the pursuit of cash and the degrees to which people will go for that cash . as i said  this film is indeed timely in a society where who wants to be a millionaire is the number one prime time show every day ( bringing about a revolution of prime time tv watching that hasn ', t been seen in quite a while ) ; not only do we want to be millionaires  we want to watch other people become millionaires ! in our super - judgmental  power - oriented culture the desire for money supersedes everything ; when you have money  you have it " all " . and seth ( giovanni ribisi ) wants it " all " the easy way . he ', s a well - intentioned college drop out who gets lured into working for an illegally run brokerage firm ( the kind that sells junk stock ) whereupon he meets others just like him . ben affleck is cast as jim  the company headhunter  who struts in commanding the room like a frat boy gordon gecko . his job is to influence trainee ', s into becoming enthusiastic employees by giving a speech that subtly attacks their man hood . it ', s ironic that he sells these pups the same load of b . s that they ', re told to dish out to prospective buyers . affleck ', s character is obviously supposed to recall alec baldwin ', s similar character in glengary glen ross  and that proves detrimental to the actor ', s performance . affleck shouts  curses and be - littles his rookie employees just like baldwin  minus the edge . when alec played the scene he became the part  spewing those brutal lines as if they were his own . by comparison affleck simply looks as if he were doing a really hammy line reading . the brokers approach their job with the fervor of overzealous jocks : they storm to work like football players on the way to the big game . rap music thumps on the soundtrack effectively illustrating who these guys think they are : intellectual gangsters . they aren ', t above a rumble as a test of man hood especially during leisure time where the lumbering scott caan seems all too eager to use his fists in minor disputes . we drink up this world along with seth  and watch him become seduced by it  just like we might be . as in all cautionary tales  boiler room begins with seducing us into its illustrious world of profit and wrongdoing  then smacks us with the consequences of all the recklessness . i know this story . we all do . but it can work if it ', s told with intelligence and energy  and that is how writer \\ director ben younger tells it . as a director of ( please excuse my french ) mise - en - scene younger has much to learn . his style is sitcom bland . but his writing isn ', t . younger ', s script is well studied in the vernacular of this bunch ; his dialogue is like a junior david mamet . despite the moderate camera work younger fills his phone - pitch scenes with tension that comes from just the performances and the tightly wound script . the brokers \\ hucksters counter every customer objection  gently bullying them into buying stock . these moments are filmed like psychological action scenes : a tense confrontation between a victimizer and a victim who isn ', t aware that he is one . with the exception of affleck ', s brief appearances  the performances are truly exceptional . ribisi  who has the edgy looks of a character actor  is extremely potent here  working his pale angular face  and eerie  plaintive stare for all their worth . he conveys child - like vulnerability ( his character seems to hide in a corner whenever things aren ', t going his way ) in some scenes  and in others he ', s ferociously cut throat . the jekyll and hyde contradiction works well in the movie : ribisi is confident when it ', s just him and the phone  but cowardly in front of authority figures including his abrasive father ( authoritatively played by ron rifkin ) . boiler room thankfully avoids wall street - like histrionics in the sales - pitch sequences ; the sales build slowly like a crescendo of intelligent psychological ploys . those ploys are taught to seth by chris ( vin diesel )  a kind broker who alternates between seth ', s friend and his mentor . diesl shines in his minor role . this week i saw the sci - fi opus pitch black in which diesel plays a completely different role in an equally effective manner . in that film he has the kind of role that might have gone to arnold schwarzenegger in the 80 ', s  and in boiler room he has the kind of role that might have gone to elliot gould in the 70 ', s . nicky katt is also memorable as a superior broker obsessed with what he can ', t have . nia long  as the firm ', s secretary  ( a lone black women amongst many white men ) is ribisi ', s love interest in a part that at first looks to be as insignificant as most of the parts this talented actress gets  but develops into something more interesting . the two make an oddly likeable couple . long is smart and brash  and ribisi is charmingly aloof . at one point he says to her " i ', m just lookin ', for some chocolate love " . it ', s a terrible line but ribisi delivers it in such an innocuous child - like way  it becomes sweetly endearing . unfortunately  towards the end  the boiler room turns a tad schmaltzy . there is much crying  hugging  and sorrowful stares . this is okay when taken in small doses  but younger ', s conclusion is constructed as a series of these boo - hoo moments  one following the other . a particular misstep is his attempt to show the effect that seth ', s manipulations have on one of his poor victims . it ', s not a bad idea but the execution is lacking  with those scenes feeling tacked on to further spell out the message . that message being  " greed is bad " . yes it ', s patently obvious  but boiler room conveys it by introducing us to a culture that i haven ', t seen much of in the movies : the disenfranchised twenty something entrepreneur . and all wall street did was introduce us to a simplistic fantasy world of saints and sinners . boiler room offers neither extreme . it gives us what is in between  and for that i am thankful .
pos look back at all the times in your life when there was a fork in the path to the future . some sort of decision had to be made  and  for better or worse  it irrevocably altered the course of your existence . > from time - to - time  everyone thinks about the roads not taken  and how things might have turned out if the choice had been different . perhaps even more dizzying to contemplate is how a seemingly minor action -- catching the 10 am train  for example -- could have an equally profound  yet less obvious  impact . maybe that ', s where you met your significant other  and  had you reached the platform just a few seconds later ? film makers are no less fascinated by issues of destiny than anyone else  and that ', s why there ', s no shortage of movies about this subject . the best of the bunch were probably made by the late polish director krzysztof kieslowski  who was obsessed with questions of fate and chance . these themes weave their way through many of his movies  including decalogue  the double life of veronique  and the triptych of blue  white  and red . however  they are most explicitly examined in a 1981 film called blind chance  where kieslowski presents the three different fates of one man after a minor action ( missing or catching a train ) changes the course of his life . in his autobiography  kieslowski on kieslowski  the director describes his attraction to the concept this way : " [ the idea is ] rich and interesting ? that every day we ', re faced with a choice which could end our entire life yet of which we ', re completely unaware . " while this approach has been the fodder for several notable dramatic films ( including  in a way  frank capra ', s it ', s a wonderful life )  sliding doors is the first romantic comedy to plumb its depths . the " road not taken " approach isn ', t just a plot device  either . writer / director peter howitt expands upon both possible fates of a character after she just misses / catches a train . the audience watches  with ever - growing fascination  how this one event impacts upon every aspect of her life : her future career  where she lives  whom she loves  and whether she has a family . as her separate destinies diverge and then re - converge  she becomes two completely different individuals . that woman is helen  played by gwyneth paltrow as a long  dark - haired brit . one day  after losing her job as an advertising executive  she decides to return home in the middle of the day . the scene of the pivotal moment is a train platform . in scenario # 1  she just slips through the sliding doors before the train pulls out of the station . on board  she meets the cheerful  talkative james ( john hannah )  a monty python fan who is taken with her beauty . minutes later  in her flat  she walks in on her lover  gerry ( john lynch )  in bed with another woman ( jeanne tripplehorn ) . in scenario # 2  she misses the train and  shortly thereafter  is the victim of an attempted mugging . she doesn ', t meet james and fails to make it home in time to discover gerry ', s infidelity . juxtaposed one against the other  while sharing many places  cues  and characters  the two stories proceed in parallel from there . on one level  for viewers who enjoy pondering the workings of fate  sliding doors can be viewed as a deep and wonderful experience . but  for those who just appreciate a romantic comedy characterized by solid acting  a script with a few twists  and a great deal of genuinely funny material  sliding doors still fits the bill . one of its most obvious strengths is that it can satisfy many different types of audiences -- those who demand something substantial from their motion pictures  and those who could care less . it shouldn ', t come as any surprise that the acting  at least from three of the four leads  is solid . paltrow  who does double duty as two helens who are initially the same  yet gradually become much different  is the standout . she plays both of her roles effectively and believably -- the shy  insecure woman who stays with gerry and the liberated  platinum - blond who severs the ties to her old life and embarks on a new career with a new man . john hannah  known to most american viewers as the younger gay character in four weddings and a funeral  is instantly likable . john lynch  taking a break from movies about ireland ', s troubles  does a good job presenting gerry as a inept  selfish philanderer . only jeanne tripplehorn  who plays an over - the - top vixen  seems out of place . her attempts at broad comedy are occasionally jarring  and it ', s occasionally difficult to see her lydia as anything more than a plot element . one member of the supporting cast deserves special notice . douglas mcferran  who plays gerry ', s best friend  russell  is an absolute delight  stealing every scene that he ', s in . part of this is surely because he is given the best lines in the movie . on one occasion  he has a marvelous monologue bemoaning how advances in the telecommunications industry have trapped men into a life of monogamy . on another occasion  while laughing at gerry ', s plight with the women in his life  he comments  " being with you makes the wait for the next episode of seinfeld more bearable . " but it ', s not all in the dialogue . mcferran tears into this part with relish ; his performance becomes one of the most memorable aspects of a top - notch comedy . this is the first feature film for peter howitt  and he approaches the task with unimpeachable aplomb . the script is shrewd and inventive  combining wit  romance  and intelligent melodrama into a crowd - pleasing whole . sliding doors grants more than just a good time at the movies  however . for those who are so inclined  its central theme offers an opportunity to ponder some of the more philosophical questions about the workings of the universe -- all while having a good time .
pos three things i learned from " being john malkovich " : when getting on the elevator for your first day of work on the 7 1 / 2th floor of a building  always bring your crowbar ; don ', t stand in the way of your wife ', s actualization as a man ; and  whenever entering a portal into the mind of another human being  wear old clothes  because  hey  it ', s muddy in there . " being john malkovich " is the most original film to come down the pike in a very long time . wildly surrealistic  yet presented in a down - to - earth  funky style  this is the kind of movie that sticks in your head . after savoring the sheer inventiveness of the storyline  you roll around the wealth of ideas contained within it . from the ethics of relationships and politics of immortality to the very nature of identity itself  there ', s a lot to think about here . just don ', t forget to have fun . clearly  all parties involved in the making of the film certainly did  starting with writer charles kaufman . " i wrote ', being john malkovich ', without an outline  " he explains in the press notes  " blindly  with no sense of direction or purpose . it ', s important to me that i don ', t have a map before i start . this allows me to surprise myself  stay engaged  discover things  and  hopefully  allow the unconscious to surface . " spike jonze ( mark wahlberg ', s na ? ve buddy in " three kings " ) takes it from there . the white - hot director of the beastie boy ', s " sabotage  " an award - winning parody of ', 70s tv cop shows  as well as numerous other music videos and commercials  eschews typical mtv flash for his feature film debut . jonze wisely realized that a storyline this unusual is most effectively presented in a low - key style . his flat  matter - of - fact approach works perfectly . and then there ', s the cast . john cusack plays control freak craig schwartz  a street performer who periodically gets decked by parents objecting to his remarkably expressive  but decidedly erotic puppet shows . over the years  his marriage to obsessive pet store employee lotte ( cameron diaz ) has devolved . once passionate lovers  the two are now little more than courteous roommates . financially strapped  craig takes a job as an entry - level file clerk at lestercorp  located on the 7 1 / 2th floor of a manhattan building . navigating around dr . lester ( orson bean )  his 105 year - old boss and floris ( mary kay place )  lester ', s dotty secretary  craig tries to settle into his new position  but two things keep him distracted . first  there ', s the beautiful and imperious maxine ( catherine keener )  who delights in tormenting craig over his obvious lust for her . and then there ', s the hole behind the file cabinet  which turns out to be a portal into the mind of actor john malkovich . craig learns that anyone who enters the portal gets whooshed into the subconscious of malkovich  where they can experience life from his point of view ( with enough concentration  you can even influence his actions ) . after 15 minutes  the visitor gets ejected and unceremoniously dumped in a ditch on the side of the new jersey turnpike . then things get a little weird . by the way  if you ', re concerned that i gave away too much of the plot  rest assured - - i barely scratched the surface . one of the most satisfying aspects of the fable is that kaufman is not content to simply milk laughs from his bizarre set - up . instead  he crawls into the dark premise as completely as craig crawls into malkovich  rummaging around and toying with the various philosophical implications of compromising another person ', s identity . he also examines the consequences of the malko - visits to craig  lotte  maxine and  of course  john malkovich himself . the performances are superb . malkovich ( best known to mainstream audiences for his work in " dangerous liaisons  " " in the line of fire  " and as head psychopath in the guilty - pleasure " con air " ) tweaks his own image in a dandy self - deprecating turn . far from his effete  vaguely reptilian persona  this malkovich is just another schlub  drinking with his pals and trying to get laid ( incidentally  charlie sheen also plays himself in a hilarious parody of his well - earned bad boy reputation ) . as always  john cusack nails his part  handily pulling viewers along even as craig ', s actions become unconscionable . the big surprises come from catherine keener and cameron diaz  both playing against type . kenner  usually cast in icy subordinate roles  is terrific as a highly intelligent  extremely manipulative femme fatale . cameron diaz  barely recognizable under a mess of brown  curly hair  sheds her perpetually sunny smile and draws big laughs as a woman thrown into extreme sexual confusion after taking a ride in malkovich . " being john malkovich " stumbles towards the end  as jonze and kaufman try too hard to resolve the various subplots . additional characters and increasingly complex explanations lead to a cluttered finale . regardless  this contemporary " alice in wonderland " is a real treat . i enjoyed watching " being john malkovich  " but only later  after reflecting on the film  did its resonance fully hit me . at one point  craig says  " do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is ? " truer words were never spoken .
pos in my reviews i try to make gentle recommendations rather than telling you what to see or what not to see . i realize that we all have different tastes and i cannot predict what my audience will like and what they will dislike . but in the case of american beauty  i must make an exception . if you haven ', t yet seen it  go see it . now . stop reading this review and head for your local multiplex  then after you ', ve seen it  come back . i ', ll wait here . welcome back . if you followed my advice ( and i see no reason why you should not have  do you ? )  i ', m sure you ', ve just had one of the richest cinematic experiences of your life . american beauty is an extraordinary film  a powerful  jolting exploration of the dark side of the american dream . it ', s humorous but it isn ', t funny because of the unrelenting ominous undercurrent that runs throughout the whole production . mixing comedy and the darkest of drama was the way this film was intended  and by god  it works  making it one of the year ', s very best . lester burnham ( kevin spacey ) has entered the mother of all mid - life crises . he is living life without a purpose . he is bored  depressed and sick of his sheltered  insignificant existence . he barely ever talks to his family  has no sex life  is stuck at a dead - end job and thinks he has no reason to live . but one day  when he and his equally troubled wife ( annette bening ) attend one of his daughter ', s ( thora birch ) cheerleading performances  he sees something that makes him come alive . what he sees is the performance by his daughter ', s friend  the head cheerleader . he develops a lust for the promiscuous young girl ; an obsession which soon becomes pedophilic in nature . but for the first time  lester feels that he is actually living . this crush is only the beginning . lester proceeds to make more and more radical changes in his life  buying the car of his dreams  cursing off the boss and quitting his job ( " today i quit my job  told the boss to f * * * himself and blackmailed him for $ 60  000 -- would you pass the asparagus please ? " )  buying drugs from the voyeur - next - door ( ricky fitts  a teenager who mysteriously videotapes what he considers to be " beauty " ) and refusing to be docile in family affairs . his new attitude further alienates his daughter  only reassuring her that her parents are nothing more than freaks of nature unjustly forced on her by the powers that be  and inspiring her to enter a relationship with her eccentric neighbor . and the burnhams ', s neighbors provide american beauty with a significant chunk of its dramatic momentum . ricky fitts ( wes bentley ) serves as the film ', s thematic center  providing the obscure  powerful meaning of the title . colonel fitts  the father  is one of the most fascinating and complex characters in the movie  even considering his limited screentime . kevin spacey has never been better  and this performance will certainly earn him a chance to put a little gold person on his mantel . he never plays his droll character as a freak  rather  he effectively portrays him as a normal person led to drastic self - exploration by his dissatisfaction with life . spacey is poignant and devastating in the role of a lifetime . equally astonishing is young thora birch  who plays her potentially stereotypical rebellious teen character with suprising feeling and tenderness . at two hours and ten minutes  american beauty didn ', t feel nearly long enough . it ', s a complicated  unforgettable film that  like the ice storm two years ago  dares to explore the darkest reaches of suburban life . powerfully and cynically  it dissects the notion of the pretty house with the white picket fence and appealing garden being the american dream . it claims that this picture - perfect image is just that -- an image  and hiding behind it are lives much darker than common knowledge would have it . the dark  deeply ironic ending  though given away by our narrator in the first few minutes of the movie  stays with you for weeks after it ', s all over . american beauty is just the kind of uncompromising film hollywood needs every now and then to counterbalance the mindless drivel we see released ; even more so considering it ', s a masterpiece .
pos [', pleasantville ', ( 1998 ) taps into hollywood ', s lack of integrity with subtle messages that can be easily missed ( www . pleasantville . com ) april 2  1999 ( friday ) cast : tobey maguire  reese witherspoon  william h . macy  joan allen  j . t . walsh  jeff daniels mpaa rating : pg - 13 for sexual content and thematic elements genre : drama in my opinion : in short : it takes a lot of careful observation to see the true morals and lessons brought out in this film ; one can easily be misled as to what the real message is . review : in a literally colorless world with an almost mechanical population  there is no room for transitioning variety or even the customary happenings of everyday life  such as rain  fire  or emotions . the town of pleasantville has one adjective : pleasant . there is no sadness  no fear  no danger  no discomfort  no love  and no hate . put simply  it ', s a place alanis morissette could really work wonders for . j one big note however is that it is only a 50 ', s sitcom that airs in reruns on an " oldies " tv station ? or is it ? i had waited months to see this movie and after doing so on opening day i was not disappointed . i found it quite intriguing and delightful and went back 3 more times in the period it endured at the box office . but it wasn ', t until months later  when i slipped in for a small showing in one of those crummy " dollar theaters " after not having seen it for so long  that my eyes were opened to such a deeper meaning and perspective than i had previously experienced . it is a far too feasible misconception that this is a film which forwards the idea that a world without some " healthy " immorality is not a world at all . instead  the actual message  which so far has not been recognized by many viewers that i know of  is that a world without immorality doesn ', t give one the ability to discern right and wrong for himself  because everything is automatically right . there is no room for mistakes and growth and learning because there are no mistakes to be made  no space for growth  and never anything new to learn  and that is the key component to the entire purpose of the story . now i ', m not saying that ', s necessarily the way it was intended to be interpreted  but that is hands down the proper way in which it should be . besides a hidden symbolic depth and themes that go beyond what we can absorb from previews  this film has elements of physical wonder and strength that make it just so great to watch . the visual effects are indeed striking and what little color is revealed is impartially favorable . after spending the bulk of the movie staring at black and white  it ', s hard not to identify and appreciate the fact that our own world allows for all that brilliance and more . a truly intelligent addition to it all  however  is the charming and ardently attainable cast that operates together like clockwork . that said  the plot goes as such . david and jennifer are two very 90 ', s high school twins with the typical " relationship " outline of don ', t - mess - with - my - life - and - i - won ', t - mess - with - yours . they demonstrate the well - known teenage qualities of two of the common versions of adolescents today . david is the shyer  subtler twin who would rather watch tv land than mtv  while jennifer is the wild  licentious one who spends her days at the mall and relishes in the pleasures of the offensive world of degradation . but when a freak accident enchantingly plops them smack dab in the middle of pleasantville as two of the main characters  they are forced to depend on each other to make it back home . nevertheless  jennifer works her magic and introduces the town to a more unrestrained approach to life  and while david frantically tries to stop her and get them back home  he realizes that change was exactly what the town needed . and  as said earlier  not to flip the town around into some corrupt society  but rather to give people the choice to decide between good and bad and to reap the results of their decisions and learn from them . not only were difficult choices being brought upon the town  but the simple accepted occurrences of ordinary existence also began to take place . people got hurt . they cried . they became afraid and happy and thoughtful and started to think for themselves  and that ', s when their physical world turned colors as well . this can be looked upon as quite a controversial movie  but to me the message is finally clear . i hope after reading this people can be more open to the film than they had been in the past  and realize that without choosing how our own lives will be run  we ', ll never know what we could have done better . until the next great movie i see  i remain sincerely  danielle flynn  imr
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . east meets west in mulan  the latest installment in disney ', s parade of annual animated feature films . an odd fusion of ancient asian traditions and disconcerting elements which betray obvious mass - market commercial sensibilities  this confident entry is easily the most engaging and satisfying hollywood animated feature in years  but falls short of actualizing its potential . though not for lack of trying . in many respects  mulan is among disney ', s most mature efforts  skirting the surface of adult themes and daring to sneak glimpses into the messier side of combat . the violence of the battles in the film are admittedly sanitized -- the imagery of a pillaged village  neatly encapsulated in the form of a child ', s discarded doll  is in itself no more harrowing than luke discovering his fallen guardians in star wars  and mulan ', s later heroics in dispatching of the ruthless invaders is done so in the most tidy  bloodless method imaginable -- yet how often does a hollywood animated film  long considered as the last safe refuge for the innocent  dare touch upon the consequential horrors of war in such a provocative manner ? in an instant  idealistic mulan ', s innocence is lost  and her jovial squadron are reminded of what their efforts are spent defending . the film  based upon an ancient chinese fable  centers on a spirited young woman who disguises herself as a man in order to serve as her family ', s obligatory conscript when china finds itself under attack by huns ( cartoonishly depicted by easy demonic overtones  replete with glowing yellow eyes and dagger - edged teeth  although lent a surprisingly genuine sense of menace ) . dipping into the mythology of other cultures for the first time after cavorting in animated revisitings of familiar western / european fables and literature for decades  disney ', s new film is boldly set in ancient china rather than relocated elsewhere  story intact  to some neutral territory  and revels in its east asian roots ; aside from a predominantly asian - american cast providing the film ', s vocal work  there ', s liberal usage of oriental iconography throughout  and the artwork reveal hints of japanese anime influence . while the film does occasionally reach its limits and starts to tread upon old stereotypes -- invoking pseudo - asian references to items like beancurd and rice in every third sentence grows rather hoary  and i can ', t imagine that the regiment for ancient chinese warriors * really * included karate - chopping blocks of stone in two -- it ', s rather remarkable that a movie primarily positioned for american and european audiences delves so wholeheartedly into new foreign territory . the film also freely touches upon cultural idiosyncrasies from its outset ; although savvy viewers should easily pick up on the intrinsics immediately  it ', s startlingly assertive in providing as little shorthand as it does to unfamiliar youngsters with regards to the customs and traditions of mulan ', s land . at its core  the film is a tale of heroic adventure  and as such paints its story in bold strokes of honour  perseverance  nobility and courage . as such  animation is the perfect vehicle for this flavour of epic  where stark emotional simplicity is able to effectively work hand - in - hand with visual purity . scenes which would play out as unbearably hokey in live action  such as mulan ', s venerable father pridefully tossing aside his cane when accepting his draft notice  are lent a sense of strength and conveyed with greater emotional clarity in animation . mulan capitalizes on this during its strongest moments  particularly during our heroine ', s character - defining opening half - hour . it ', s when the film attempts to integrate the traditional mainstays of recent hollywood animation -- the friendly animal sidekick  the colourful array of supporting characters -- into the mix where it goes slightly awry . off to battle  mulan finds herself being trailed by a jive - talking diminutive dragon called mushu and an agreeable little " lucky " cricket  who ostensibly appear to assist in her subterfuge and realistically serve as audience - friendly comic relief . they ', re affable presences  and not precisely ineffective -- reasonable amounts of humour are elicited  and eddie murphy ( who voices mushu ) is amusingly earnest -- but amidst all the high melodrama  the effect is mildly jarring and  from a storytelling perspective  questionable in its necessity . at training camp  mulan antagonizes and eventually wins over a trio of fumbling recruits ( easily characterized simply as the short clown  the skinny clown  and the big clown )  who provide more levity into the film with decidedly less effectiveness  and  in a familiar retread of traditional disney patterns  she grows a certain fondness for a handsome  square - jawed young captain  shang . everybody needs love  even ancient chinese warrior princesses  but not necessarily in * this * film . the romantic angle  which lets the air out of the sails of the story ', s neo - feminist underpinnings  lacks any genuine spark and plays out like a contractual obligation . another staple of recent disney animated films  a cache of hummable little ditties  has also obligingly been carried over to mulan but proves to be a decided weakness . composed by matthew wilder  none of the handful of tunes are particularly distinguishing  and one -- " i ', ll make a man out of you " ( unimaginatively accompanying a tired montage featuring our crew of characters transforming into lean fighting machines ) -- becomes so grating and hackneyed that it seems almost interminable . only " reflections "  an early ballad of lament  proves to be a song of any consequence  serving as an effective showcase for lea salonga  one of musical theatre ', s most wondrously pure voices . nonetheless  mulan is an especially appealing piece of work from the disney factory  with a strong narrative arc and pleasant artwork ; the computer - generated stampede of hun warriors charging down a snow mountain is wholly impressive . while the blatantly child - friendly elements at times seem incongruous with the remainder of the film  they ', re not dissuasive and remain fairly enjoyable . briskly paced with a smart  energetic heroine and filled with high adventure  the film is ultimately most satisfying on the intimate scale of father and daughter .
pos plot : a big - time momma ', s boy can ', t seem to leave his mother ', s crib and make good on the babies that he himself has produced in the world . he visits his kids ( and their mommas ) every now and then  but his main goal in life is . . . well  he doesn ', t have any goals . then one day  his mother gets an ex - gangsta boyfriend and suddenly he isn ', t as welcome anymore in his own house . it isn ', t long after that  that his girlfriends start realizing what a jerk he really is and well . . . it ', s either time to grow up or bow down ! critique : first things first ! this movie ain ', t about the " hood " at all  it ', s an intelligent film about love  relationships  family  friendship  maturity and growing up . do not avoid this film because you think it ', s about gangbangers and stuff  because it isn ', t at all . it ', s about you  it ', s about me  it ', s about your girlfriend  your mother  your problems and your inability to face up to your responsibilities and to  well . . . grow up ! this is an extremely well - written film  with some of the most developed characters that i ', ve seen on the screen all year  with superb acting performances to match . granted  the film does start a little slow ( and go a little long )  but hang in there  because once you appreciate and get to know all of its characters  you will be glad that you did . this isn ', t a kid ', s movie . this is about the step that you need to take in order to pass into full " adulthood " and some might not appreciate the grander theme behind that step . i certainly did  because i too passed  and am passing  through many of these very same things right now ( yeah  yeah  i still live with my momma ! ! ) and related to a lot of the events that went down in this flick ( oh yeah  and for the record  i ', m not black but that made absolutely zero difference in this case ) . but that ', s not even half the story . you see  the film is damn funny  too . . . and i mean  damn funny ! i was crackin ', up at almost every other scene  and they weren ', t " set - up jokes " like your typical comedies either  just day - to - day things that we could all relate to ( like the scene in which ving rhames is " drinking koolaid " in the kitchen and his infamously improvised " african squat f * * k " scene  which you just gotta see to believe ! ) and there are the performances  too . ving rhames  now here ', s a man who has already established an early lead in the race for best supporting actor at the end of this year . damn dude  you scared the shit outta me ! tyrese gibson  i have no idea where this guy came from ( an r & b singer and mtv vj  you say . . . hmmmm ? )  but other than his uncanny resemblance to taye diggs  he nailed this part to the tee . from scene one on  i was glued to his performance and sympathized with his character as he molded and shaped himself into the person that he hoped to become one day . and everyone else  too . gibson ', s girlfriend in the film  taraji henson  made me a backer with her many subtle touches  all of which helped raise her character several levels above the " typical " bitchie girlfriend that we ', ve seen in many of these relationship movies . but that ', s the thing that i liked the most about this movie . everyone seemed real  the situations felt authentic  the characters all came across as people like you and me with issues and struggles and hopes and fears . i liked this movie a lot because it was masterfully written  wonderfully acted and genuinely entertaining to watch . and yeah  i even liked the whole homage to boyz ', n the hood that singleton pulled off in the end ( he called this movie a " companion piece " to that film ) . a very solid follow - up to an ever greater original  baby boy is a film to be seen by anyone who feels like they never wanna grow up . note : the guy who plays jody ', s best friend in this movie is omar gooding  cuba gooding jr . ', s younger brother ( cuba starred in 1991 ', s boyz ', n the hood ) . where ', s joblo coming from ? the best man ( 8 / 10 ) - brothers ( 5 / 10 ) - shaft ( 7 / 10 ) - summer of sam ( 7 / 10 ) - what ', s cooking ( 7 / 10 )
pos it is an understood passion and an understood calm . bud white walks into the home of lynn bracken  a prostitute " cut to look like veronica lake . " he ', s one of l . a . ', s finest investigating the murder of fellow cop  and one of the leads takes him to her home . it ', s understood that he is quiet thunder  a guy who ', s calm voice is more powerful than his arms . it ', s understood that she ', s supposed to be beautiful  but underneath her face is pain and scraped out lines that say her life could have been so much more . you know without having to be told . " you ', re the first guy who hasn ', t told me i look like veronicca lake in under a minute  " she says . " you look ten times better . " he says it without thinking . like he knows without her having to say anything . white ', s face doesn ', t turn  it doesn ', t blush . you see his eyes  and you believe him . it ', s a perfect moment in a near perfect movie . l . a . confidential is the best movie of the year . it is grace and poetry ; a richly layered work of pure entertainment . it is a portrait of police and morality as it works it ', s way through characters that are so real on screen that you believe that they might have a soul . in a phrase  it is everything . it is funny  it is exciting  has enough action and adventure and mystery and grace and suspense . it is the pinnacle of a movie  a complete work  a flawless film . it ', s hard to tell you about the plot  because it ', s about so much more than plot . besides  there ', s too much to describe . sure  it ', s about police and searching for corruption and who fights for the right reasons and the definition of justice . but it ', s also about what you feel when you look into the eyes of the characters in the film . director curtis hanson has perfectly framed each character  letting you see into them  rooting for them one moment  doubting them the next . the actors work with their lines  but in this movie their most important weapon is their eyes . you can tell what each person is feeling just by looking into their eyes for one moment . russell crowe plays bud white  a muscle cop with a beef for wife beaters . his movements are fierce . when he strikes  you jump  when he ', s calm  you know it won ', t be for long . his intensity oozes out of the screen . you follow his character through the movie afraid of him  but in sympathy of him  because you know how good his heart is . he ', s looking for a way to solve crimes  you ', re just never sure how he ', s going to do it . his counter is ed exley  played with a chisselled face by guy pierce . you feel for him  for his character  because of all the cops in the movie he ', s the one that ', s actually trying to do the right thing by going by the book . you know that he must face the reality of breaking the book  and you love the way he gets there . i ', ve seen l . a confidential twice  immediately after it was over  i wanted to hit the rewind button and watch it again . i didn ', t want the theater experience to end . it ', s been a long time since i actually experienced a movie  feeling like i got something after i walked out . that ', s why i love movies ; the great ones can be too rich and powerful to describe . watch l . a . confidential : after you leave the theater  you feel like you just watched a classic movie . that ', s why la confidential stands as the best movie of the year . l . a . confidential ( directed by curtis hanson . starring russell crowe  guy pierce  kevin spacey  james cromwell  and kim basinger .
pos capsule : bleak and point - blank -- just the way it should be . makes its case with cold - blooded precision and intelligence . " serial killer chic " is a relatively new entry to the cultural vocabulary  and one of the more stomach - turning ones . i ', ve never found someone automatically admirable or even interesting because they killed creatively or in great numbers  and because of that i had apprehensions about seeing henry . i wasn ', t sure i wanted to see the story of multiple murderer henry lee lucas portrayed as some kind of nihilistic hero / antihero . thankfully  that ', s not the way henry works . the director  john mcnaughton  took a small budget and a gallery of actor friends and created a chilling and intelligent piece of work . it doesn ', t provide cheap - jack explanations for henry ', s behavior : it shows him up for what he is  an unrepentant and un - idolizable man who killed when the mood struck him . at the film ', s opening  henry ', s friend ottis toole has a sister  who comes by to stay while she tries to find work in chicago . in a viciously riveting scene  he admits matter - of - factly to having murdered his own mother  and she covers his hand with hers . they are damned together from that moment on . henry and ottis eventually begin to kill for fun . the movie is especially good at showing how they seem to have drifted casually into it : there ', s a scene where the two go to buy a new tv . the pawnbroker they talk to goads henry with ugly words  and henry responds by stabbing the man to death with a soldering iron . no preface -- it smashes into us as suddenly as it does the broker . in a scene which many damned the movie for  unseen  they steal a video camera and film the murder of a whole household  playing it back over and over again for their own enjoyment . the movie itself  however  does not glorify the killings  but shows instead that henry feels no joy at his work  only irritation . henry succeeds thanks to excellent writing and direction as well as acting . michael rooker is credible as henry from the first frame  just standing there  and the rest of the cast works by being unaffected and casual as well . the producers had originally comissioned a slasher film from mcnaughton  but he decided to give them something more memorable  and consequently the film nearly didn ', t see release . the film does not glorify or justify -- it just shows us  with unflinching coldness  what henry was . i ', m hard pressed to see how anyone can see this and consider henry any kind of " victim " or " hero " . then again  probably  so would henry .
pos you don ', t have to know poker to like " rounders  " but it might help . that a great deal of this sharp little drama is set in the back rooms of new york ', s cardshark underground astoundingly doesn ', t limit its accessibility  even for those who can ', t tell royal and straight flushes apart . " rounders " ', success  then  is owed to its proficient cast and intriguing portrayal of a world not many viewers will be familiar with . the dialogue may be filled with terms that only true players will grasp  but you don ', t have to speak the language to understand the words - a statement that pretty much sums up the effectiveness of the whole show . matt damon  fresh off his " good will hunting " hot streak  is perfect for the role of mike mcdermott  a young law student with a tremendous gift for gambling . but after losing all of his tuition money in a killer high - stakes match with russian poker aficionado teddy kgb ( john malkovich  deliciously hammy )  he shifts his focus to scholarly matters  leaving his true area of expertise far  far behind . things change  however  when mike ', s old buddy worm ( edward norton ) re - enters his life - it seems worm  just out of jail  owes a hefty sum to nasty thugs  and is counting on his friend ', s superlative skills to help him pay off the debt . that " rounders " ', story quickly molds itself into a conventional  predictable tale of redemption doesn ', t hinder its potency . director john dahl  infamous for his neo - noirs " red rock west " and " the last seduction  " gets extremely convincing mileage out of the been - there  done - that plot mechanics by trumping up the relationship between mike and worm . damon and norton bring so much to their roles that they ', d be worth catching even if " rounders " ultimately folded  but the movie ups its fascinating ante by contrasting their wildly different ways of winning . any sequence where the two men sit at the table together is an unarguable highlight . if only the other character interaction was as successful  " rounders " might merit consideration when it comes time to number the year ', s best films . current " it girl " gretchen mol is sweetly appealing as mike ', s girlfriend jo  aware and weary of his seedy past  but her scenes with damon number too few to be very effective . john turturro ', s aging mentor and famke janssen ', s tempting siren  both interesting sketches  are hampered by the same limited screen time . and as a wizened judge  the great martin landau makes memorable a role that ', s mostly a plot device - he ', s on hand mostly to sort - of save the day and provide a voice for " rounders " ', moral . that moral  by the way  is " our destiny chooses us  " and it ', s something of a surprise when " rounders " supports this solemn proverb by eschewing the conclusion you might expect ; mike does learn from his mistake  but neither the mistake nor the way he learns from it is what it initially appears to be . in the end  " rounders " sees gambling as less a mere addiction than a potential art form  but the poker itself is only a metaphor for a much larger picture . the road to true fulfillment lies within the realization and exercising of your natural passions  the movie espouses  no matter what they might be . here  low - rent lowlifes like worm just aren ', t cut out for the cards . screenwriters david levien and brian koppelman entertain and educate in their quest to vividly render a culture that ', s often generalized by movies ; even complete poker neophytes should cross the line from observers to participants when the movie gets to its concluding game scene . inside every adventurous filmgoer  there is a desire to be taken someplace new and exciting  and that ', s the precise allure of " rounders . " it ultimately matters not that a few of our tour guides feel partially - realized or that the journey itself is cluttered with sites we ', ve seen before  because the final destination is a satisfying one . in the end  " rounders " holds a winning hand .
pos melvin van peebles ', " sweet sweetback ', s baadasssss song " was a watershed moment in the history of american cinema and the black movement . it was released less than a decade after the civil rights movement had begun and almost twenty years before the rodney king incident . its violent and highly sexualized revenge tale of a macho black hustler fighting back against white oppression and winning was something that had never been seen on an american movie screen before . in style  content  and how it was conceived and produced  " sweet sweetback " was a cinematic revolution  whether or not one agrees with its subject matter . van peebles  a black american who first gained recognition by writing novels in france  built " sweet sweetback " from the ground up almost entirely by himself . because no studio would dare fund such a film  he was forced to raise all the money himself . the movie ended up costing about $ 500  000  part of which was put up by none other than bill cosby . van peebles cut costs by hiring non - union labor and taking on most of the film ', s responsibilities himself . he wrote the script  scored the music  edited and directed the film  as well as starred in the central role . he was also a brilliant entrepreneur who always found a way to make an extra buck . for instance  when the mppa slapped the film with a dreaded x - rating  van peebles not only threatened to bring a lawsuit against jack valenti and the mpaa  but he also developed a little marketing scheme : he coined the phrases " rated x by an all - white jury  " which he put on the movie posters to help advertise the film . he also printed the phrase on tee - shirts which he had no problem selling . the storyline in " sweet sweetback " is deceptively simple . it takes place in los angeles  and van peebles stars as the title character  a tough male hustler of few words who grew up in a brothel  and makes money by doing what he does best : having sex . one day  he agrees to go with a couple of amiable white cops down to the station to make it look like they ', re bringing in suspects on a politically - charged case involving murder . however  on the way to the station the cops arrest a young black revolutionary named mu - mu ( hubert scales )  who they proceed to beat viciously . acting out of complete impulse rather than political motivation  sweetback fights back and beats the cops to the brink of death . the rest of the film follows sweetback as he evades the cops on his way to eventual escape in mexico . although the repetition of watching sweetback run gets a little old by the end of the film  this plot allows van peebles ', camera to roam the darker side of l . a . - the ghettos  alleys  and back - street whorehouses that other films had always overlooked . van peebles ', entire point in making the movie was to secure on celluloid a vision of the black experience in america that other filmmakers had ignored . at the beginning of " sweet sweetback  " he offers this epigraph  which is a traditional prologue used in medieval times when a messenger brought bad news : " sire  these lines are not an homage to brutality that the artist has invented  but a hymn from the mouth of reality . . . " van peebles wanted to make sure that his vision was one of reality  not of exaggeration . of course  with today ', s abundance of rap and hip hop music that sings the same ode to black inner - city life  as well as films by spike lee  john singleton  and the hughes brothers  " sweet sweetback " doesn ', t seem all that revolutionary . it is important to remember that this film must be viewed in the context and time period in which it was made . at that time  " sweet sweetback " was so controversial that only two theaters in the entire united states would play it . distributors were petrified of a film that  in van peebles ', words  gave the black audience " a chance to see some of their own fantasies acted out - about rising out of the mud and kicking ass . " of course  once it caught on  it caught on big . " sweet sweetback " is now considered to be the film that kicked off the blaxploitation era  although van peebles disassociates " sweetback " from other movies like " shaft " ( 1972 ) and " the mack " ( 1973 )  because those were financed by big hollywood studios . " sweet sweetback " is also the only film deemed mandatory viewing by the black panthers . however  even if when viewed from an african - american perspective  " sweet sweetback " is certainly not without its controversies . when it was first released  an article was published in " ebony " magazine denouncing the film  while at the same time the black panthers used an entire newsletter to praise it . there have been arguments that the victory for sweetback is really no victory at all - beating cops and then running away to mexico is nothing to be proud of . others have pointed out that sweetback has little to say throughout the film ; he has no political motivations  and therefore the violence and havoc he wreaks is not rooted in fundamental beliefs  but in personal and selfish motives . still others point to the clich ? black potency that stereotypes sweetback as being good at nothing but having sex  illustrated in a scene where he gains the respect of a white biker group by bringing their female leader to orgasm . nevertheless  a movie like " sweet sweetback " cannot be made without conflicting points of view . it is a revolutionary movie not because it ', s about one man ', s defiance  but because it put front - and - center black issues that had never been dealt with before . until that point  american cinema was an almost exclusively white domain  and with the exception of sidney poitier  all black actors were relegated to specifically black roles that were important only in relation to whites . the fact that " sweet sweetback " was a movie by black about blacks  was something new ( in the opening credits  van peebles lists the starring actors as simply " the black community " ) . van peebles tells an interesting story that goes a long way toward defining the difference between " sweet sweetback " and all movies that had come before it . when the movie first opened  he saw it in a theater next to an older woman . near the end of the film  when sweetback is wounded by the police and stumbling through the southern california desert  she kept saying to herself  " oh lord  let him die . don ', t let them kill him . let him die on his own . " it was so ingrained in her mind that death was imminent for any african - american in a movie who rebelled against white authority  that she couldn ', t even conceive of the possibility that the film might end with his successful escape . and  of course  sweetback does escape  and the screen fills with the message : " watch out ! a baad asssss nigger is coming back to collect some dues . " beyond the political aspects  " sweet sweetback " is an entertaining picture  which van peebles always intended it to be . he squeezed every drop out of his limited budget  and produced a film that  although dated now  was technically fantastic at the time . he shot in rough  documentary - like fashion  while also utilizing almost every visual and aural trick his technology would allow him . he makes good use of older techniques like split screens  freeze frames  reversed color schemes  and overlapping images . the only time the film ever looks bad is during the night sequences  because van peebles simply did not have the needed equipment . watching " sweet sweetback " more than twenty - five years after its initial release  one realizes that it still has bite . arguments can be made that race relations in the united states have made quantum leaps since the early seventies  but there are still problems that are reflected in this film . but there is more to the film than its racial aspect . the legacy of " sweet sweetback ', s baadasssss song " is not only the plentiful amount of art and music told from the african - american perspective  but more importantly  the work of every artist who has fought to fund and produce that which is important to him .
pos there seem to be two reactions to dark city . you either love it or you are unimpressed . count me as a " love it . " as good as the crow and spawn are  dark city is better . where the former two have a specific comic - book following  the latter is an original work with the potential for broader appeal . it has a similar look to the others  but dark city is much more thoughtful and much less violent . not clever or complex  the story is still fascinating  like a selection from the twilight zone . a man ( rufus sewell ) is awakened in his bathtub by a man with a syringe . surprised  the attacker runs off . the dazed man gets out of the tub and finds a woman ', s body in the room . a mysterious caller warns him to leave the apartment immediately  so he packs some clothes and leaves  never sure why he ', s leaving or what he ', s fleeing . ghoulish figures in long coats recognize the man and chase him through the dark city  hounding him like figures in a nightmare . an odd blast of willpower allows the man to dream himself free from his pursuers long enough to check his i . d . the amnesiac learns that he is not dreaming and that his name is john murdoch . now if only he could remember the rest of his life . . . . dark city is good on many levels . first  the look of the movie is excellent . give credit to production designers george liddle and patrick tatopolous for creating a coherent look from diverse elements . there are visual elements from the american 1920s - 60s  mixed with dickens - era urban industrial elements . it is all pulled together in a sad  dark look reminiscent of the diner in edward hopper ', s painting  nighthawks . proyas ', use of models gives an appropriately eerie unreality to the film ', s world ( for not only does the audience see the city a model  but so do the ghouls ) . the look is like a cross between tim burton ', s batman and the bleak animation of the brothers quay . second  the editing of the film is good . the pacing is on track  and the plot is revealed  the " amnesia " explained  in satisfying increments . also  the stylized editing within each scene gives the movie a tense  caffeinated look . third  the special effects are well used . they look good  but more importantly  the right effects are used for the right job . one example stands out in my mind : the coated figures who haunt the city can attack telekinetically . a simple ripple effect is used . a more showy effect could have been chosen  but then it would have just been gratuitous . restraint was shown where necessary  letting the more critical effects look more impressive . finally  like gattaca  dark city spends a just a little effort striving for mythical significance . unlike gattaca  the story is just open - ended and non - literal enough to be successful . john murdoch ', s recovery from amnesia is tied to the passing of the night  and the hopeful coming of the dawn . his struggle with amnesia is both figuratively and literally the struggle of all mankind ( at least in his world ) . when we finally see the big picture of the movie ', s world  it is as mysterious as the iroquois image of the world being carried on the back of a giant turtle . a few minor flaws keep me from giving this movie the same perfect score roger ebert gave  but i do strongly recommend it  for its look  its pace  its story  and its timelessness .
pos for the first reel of girls town  you just can ', t get over lili taylor . is it possible to remain unperturbed that a woman of this age is playing a high school student ? harder still  can you avoid astonishment at how perfect she is in the part ? with the sure  showy expertise of a de niro  taylor imbues unwed mother patti with all the faux fuck - you confidence she can muster . it ', s a deeply felt  dead - on performance  and by the halfway point you ', ve forgiven taylor her own maturity . for all its verite pretenses  girls town is less about a bunch of high - schoolers than it is about a movie director and a cadre of writer - performers examining their own feelings about rape  relationships  and american womanhood . the movie ', s opening scenes sketch an easy friendship between a group of four smart / sassy high school outsiders on the verge of graduation : patti  angela ( bruklin harris )  emma ( anna grace )  and nikki ( aunjanue ellis ) . but about 10 minutes into the film  we get word that nikki has swallowed a fistful of pills and bowed out of life . the remaining girls manage to smug nikki ', s diary out of her grieving mother ', s home  and page through it at patti ', s place  investigating the root of nikki ', s despair . what they find is cruel and galvanizing -- nikki had been raped by an editor at a newspaper where she interned  and was privately questioning the sanity and value of a world where such a thing could happen . shell - shocked by the truth of the matter  the three girls begin to talk among themselves and come to a realization about their own lives . emma says she was raped last year on a date with a football player . patti ', s barely sympathetic  wondering what the hell emma thought she was doing with her shirt off in a jock ', s car . and anyway  patti ', s had her own share of guys who wouldn ', t take no for an answer . pained  acrimonious debate ensues as the trio grow more and more angry -- angry about the impossibility of saying no  and angry with themselves for being weak  for being naive  for putting up with it . " why do we put up with it ? " emma finally asks  once the argument has reached a fever pitch . " we try to talk about it  and look what happens . we fight for 20 minutes . " there ', s the admirable crux of this picture . girls town is a political film  in that it calls for action . but it ', s incomplete - it ', s never quite sure how to justify that action  or what form it should take . the trio become crusaders for their right to dignity  and it ', s surely one of this year ', s most stirring movie moments when emma lobs a concrete block through the passenger - side window of that damn jock ', s car ( doing the right thing ? ) . they hang out in the bathroom  chatting incessantly and scrawling slogans and naming names on the door to a toilet stall . " subvert the patriarchy  " emma writes  and then starts a hall of shame list underneath that other students begin to contribute to . the girls silence their hecklers  take revenge on the deadbeat father of patti ', s child  and eventually come face - to - face with nikki ', s tormentor . still  the movie has a desperately unfinished quality  and none of these subsequent exploits is particularly satisfying . ( you keep waiting for someone to call the cops on these brazen girls  but nobody thinks of it . ) perhaps searching for a resolution missing from the material at hand  the film borrows its epigraphs from audre lorde and queen latifah ( " who you callin ', a bitch ? " ) . the points are well taken  but they should have been unnecessary . long on characterization but a little short on story  girls town is less than it could have been  and too self - congratulatory for my own taste . director jim mckay is best known as a consort of r . e . m . ', s michael stipe ( he directed the nearly unwatchable tourfilm for that band )  and girls town is his first foray into feature filmmaking . the movie was created and scripted by committee  but mckay and his lead performers had to shoot on a shoestring when  predictably  the group couldn ', t secure funding . then again  girls town on a budget would hardly be the same film . the movie ', s slapdash quality is key to its significance . truth be told  all three of the leads look too wise for high school  but that ', s ok -- there ', s a once - removed quality to their fine  spontaneous performances  as the women take a very skillful look back at the girls they once were  the girls they wish they had been  or some combination . for all its flaws  this one gets extra points for having its uncertain head and heart in the same noble place .
pos " the fighting sullivans " contains a major plot development in the last ten minutes that every movie guide has seen fit to give away . there was no dramatic tension for me while watching the film  as i knew exactly what was going to happen . and that ', s the worst thing that can happen before viewing a movie . because of this  i will tread lightly so i don ', t ruin it for anyone reading this review  and it would be very advisable to avoid all other material regarding this film until after you have seen it . " the fighting sullivans " revolves around a family that consists of a mother  father  sister  and five brothers . the brothers are very close  despite the occasional disagreement . they are inseperable  and never stray from one another . their friendship and loyalty is the foundation of this picture . the first half of the movie follows the brothers as young children  and their various adventures . when four of them get into a fight with some local boys  the youngest sullivan  who is inside a church at the time  comes running out to assist  but not before properly exiting the chapel . if i ', m being awfully vague about details  it ', s because what i have told you is essentially the first hour and a half . all i can say is go watch this film  because it is a fine portrait of a family that sticks together  through the good and the bad . and after you see the movie  you will understand why this review has been written the way it has .
pos big courtroom thrillers have always captivated america . o . j . simpson  tom capano  the menendez brothers . all these names are synonymous to americans and courtrooms . and  of course  courtroom dramas are not a new topic to hollywood . whether it be john grisham ', s thrilling novels or television ', s famous dramas  the courtroom has always provided big bucks . so when i rented a civil action  i was expecting the film to be like the rainmaker  a brilliant law film that kept viewers on the edge of their seat . however  what i saw in a civil action was far different from what i expected  a major surprise  but fortunately  a pleasant one . john travolta always seems to come up big when you least expect it . no one expected him to light up the screen in grease  nor in saturday night fever . but  whenever he gets knocked down  he always seems to come back fighting . a civil action is not john ', s best performance  but a strong one that could rival any performance in 1998 . travolta proves that a normal and believable performance can vault a film into oscar nominations . his performance is not flashy  nor memorable  just solid . if he delivered the only solid performance  this film would still be average . luckily  he has a strong supporting cast . william h . macy is probably one of the most underrated actors in hollywood . he continues to deliver great performances one after the other  but he is still regarded as a secondary actor . in a civil action  he delivers yet another great performance as travolta ', s paranoid and greedy accountant . he is not a lovable character  but a character who stands out in your mind whenever you think of the film . he is not one of the big time lawyers  just a measly accountant . but  he delivers one of the best supporting roles of 1998  but there is actually someone better in a civil action . robert duvall is also an underrated actor . he gets many leading roles  but is never heard when you hear of big box office draws like tom hanks  brad pitt and jim carrey . duvall has a supporting role in this as a lawyer of the co - defendant . duvall is magical in this role . he is the wise teacher  who not only battles it out in the courtroom  but also manages to teach every major player a lesson  in his own twisted way . in many non - comedic films  directors are always trying to find a way to implement a touch of comedy  to keep the audience on their toes . unfortunately  they usually just key in on one character whose main objective is to be funny ( jar - jar binks  anyone ? ) . however  this usually backfires because the character is never fully developed . this is not the case in a civil action . they have comedy coming from all sides . whether it be duvall ', s inane questions or macy ', s sharp anger  the laughs come in a steady pace . granted  it ', s not roll in the aisle funny  but it provides a nice addition to the film . the plot is terrific - somewhat . the setup is nice with the film actually starting with a victory in the courtroom . then the case that will make or break jan ( travolta ) ', s career rears its ugly head . they find out the goldmine involved with the case and wind up taking it . however  budgets soon flounder and jan finds himself in deep debt . i will not spoil the rest  although i must speak of the one downside to the film . the courtroom debates are great  but the actual problem they are fighting for is never fully explored . it left me somewhat confused  although the rest of the film is terrific . all in all  john travolta is back yet again in this great film . his supporting cast  consisting of macy and duvall  turn in tremendous performances  which ease the load on travolta . the film is smart  witty and thought provoking . not only does it gauge in - court battles  but also the various tolls it can take on the major players . a civil action provides everything a drama lover craves .
pos time bandits  from director terry gilliam  is a very different fantasy action / adventure movie about a group of time - traveling dwarves  led by randall ( david rappaport )  who have stolen a map of the universe . this map contains time hole  that  if exploited  enable the men to travel back and forth through time . the supreme being of the universe ( ralph richardson ) is the former employer of these treasure - seeking bandits  and he wishes desperately to regain the map . . during the travels  he appears as a ghostly face  demanding that they return the map that they have stolen . but  according to randall  they are just " borrowing " it . kevin  a young boy who seems quite bored with his life  is unexpectedly brought into the schemes of the little men when they appear in his room  which has a portal for time traveling . he joins up with the men and becomes part of their gang  following them on their robberies . their first victim is napoleon ( ian holm )  whom they rob during a battle that he is commanding . from here  the group travels to the middle ages  meeting up with robin hood himself . eventually  kevin is separated from the group and travels to an egyptian time where he is taken in by king agamemnon  played by sean connery . kevin accidentally saved the king ', s life  and the king wishes to have kevin as his son . but the group of bandits find kevin and transport onto the deck of the titanic . meanwhile  the evil genius ( david warner ) is watching the group from fortress of ultimate darkness  attempting to find a way in order to bring the men  and the map  to him . when randall learns of the fortress of ultimate darkness  which supposedly contains " the most fabulous object in the world "  the dollar signs seemingly appear on his eyes  as he is convinced that they must travel there . once inside the fortress of ultimate darkness  it is unclear as to if any of the men will make it out alive . time bandits is a fantastically made film that caters to the imagination of anyone . with a terrific soundtrack  courtesy of george harrison  whom also was an executive producer  time bandits is sure to be a very surrealistic  time - traveling adventure with unforgettable characters that is sure to entertain anyone . terry gilliam  however  does not utilize that greatly his trademark ability in moviemaking during this film  although this does not affect the film that greatly . and finally  if you liked labyrinth  you ', ll love time bandits .
pos it seemed wholly appropriate that at a weekend screening of " the horse whisperer  " the start of the film was delayed some twenty minutes due to " projection difficulties . " robert redford ', s film version of nicholas evans ', best - selling novel was supposed to have been in theaters last december  going head - to - head with " titanic  " but is only now making its much anticipated debut . this ( strategic ? ) delay has allowed " the horse whisperer " to compete  sans fanfare  against some smaller  unassuming movies during a relatively slower time at the box office . no matter . redford ', s film stands head and shoulders above james cameron ', s ocean - going tragedy  especially in the writing and acting departments . whatever the reasons for its postponement  " the horse whisperer " supports the old adage " better late than never . " redford has taken evans ', book and given it the big screen treatment . while parts of " the horse whisperer " are epic in scope and vision  especially the aerial " travelogue " that maps out this great country of ours  its real strength lies in the subtleties it uses to paint the fragile alliance between man and beast . when her daughter  grace  is involved in a terrible riding accident  hard - driven fashion editor annie maclean ( kristin scott thomas ) devotes herself to rehabilitating both grace and grace ', s beloved horse  pilgrim . refusing to have the hideously disfigured animal put down  annie researches every possible source of information about equine cures before discovering an article about a faith - healing cowboy of sorts called tom booker ( redford )  who has a way with horses and  perhaps  with people too . undeterred by tom ', s initial reluctance to get involved  annie drives grace and a sedated pilgrim across country to meet him  and finally persuades tom to work with the uncontrollable animal . redford ', s film unfolds slowly and lovingly  echoing the patience required in healing both physical and psychological wounds . the film ', s a little long and  even if you haven ', t read the book  it ', s pretty obvious where it ', s heading -- but these are minor complaints . redford and thomas are strong and convincing as the couple drawn by a mutual affection for the great outdoors and each other  but it ', s scarlett johansson as grace who shines in a more difficult role . dianne wiest  chris cooper ( " lone star " )  and sam neill -- better than i ', ve seen him before -- round out the respectable supporting cast . and the director ', s respect for horses is clearly in evidence . one word of warning  however : while brilliantly shot  the accident scene  involving an out - of - control truck  is extremely disturbing . redford ', s canvas is huge and exquisite . he doesn ', t hesitate to incorporate vast  sprawling vistas of the american northwest : spectacular  snow - capped mountain ranges  azure skies  and shimmering fields of wheat -- all are resplendent in cinematographer robert richardson ', s viewfinder . veteran english composer john barry was originally signed to score the film but left the project which is a pity  since " the horse whisperer " is " dances with wolves " by way of " out of africa " ( oscar winners both for barry ) . fortunately  barry ', s replacement  thomas newman  contributes a fine score that nicely balances the majesty of montana with the delicate  human conditions -- sonorous  string - laden passages that swell with pride playing counterpoint to more poetic  introspective movements ripe with nuance . " the horse whisperer " is that rare kind of movie : it looks good  it feels good  and by golly it does you good . the wait  it turns out  was well worth it .
pos charlie sheen stars as zane  a radio astronomer who listens for sounds from other lifeforms . when he finally gets one  his boss destroys the tape and fires him . naturally  zane is not ready to give up  and he comes up with an ingenious way to do this himself . he is aided by a young neighborhood kid and they discover that the sound is coming from mexico . so zane goes down there to investigate  and runs into a lady studying why the temperature of the earth has dangerously risen so suddenly . zane is having marital problems at the time  and an offer by her to spend the night with him is very tempting . hearing charlie sheen deliver the line  " i guess there is something to be said for celibacy " is the funniest thing i have ever heard in a movie since matthew broderick discussed asexual reproduction in wargames . this is just the setup  and i don ', t want to give too much away  because a large part of the movies fun is the surprises . charlie sheen  who has had a rocky career as of late  is in top form here . he is funny  serious  and determined to accomplish his goal . sheen ', s absolutely terrific performance is another big plus to this movie . the story is ingeniously devised by twohy  who also wrote and directed the equally clever cable movie grand tour : disaster in time . the films major flaw is a very slow pace  and not much happens in the earlygoings . viewers may be growing restless for a while  but trust me if you stick around and keep your head in it  you will have a good time .
pos field of dreams almost defies description . although it ', s about baseball  it ', s not a baseball movie . although the film is extremely spiritual  it ', s not about religion . and although field of dreams is melodramatic  it ', s not a tearjerker . to really understand what field of dreams is all about  you have to see it . in the film  kevin costner plays ray kinsella  a baseball fan  ', 60s berkeley graduate  and iowa farmer . one day as he is standing in the middle of his expansive corn fields  ray hears a voice ; it tells him : " if you build it  he will come . " then ray has a vision and somehow concludes that if he builds a baseball field in the middle of his corn  shoeless joe jackson will arise from the dead to play ball once again . and even though it depletes his family ', s savings and his neighbors think he ', s crazy  ray clears away the corn and builds a baseball field  complete with bleachers and flood lights . " if you build it  he will come . " and lo and behold  shoeless joe does come -- bringing with him several of his dead teammates . and then ray hears the voice again ; it tells him to " ease his pain . " ray thinks this means that he must travel to boston to meet terence mann  an influential and radical novelist from the ', 60s who has since stopped writing and dropped out of society . with great aplomb  james earl jones plays the disillusioned author who joins forces with ray and embarks with him on a magical and spiritual journey . the cast in field of dreams is excellent  especially kevin costner in the lead role . costner gives a quiet  subtle  and moving performance as a man who before building the baseball field had done nothing crazy or spontaneous in his entire life . costner gives ray just the right mix of enthusiasm and idealism to make us believe in his mystic visions and swallow this wondrous fairy tale . amy madigan gives a fine supporting performance as ray ', s feisty and loving wife  who against her better judgement supports her husband ', s crazy ideas . in her most impressive scene  madigan vehemently argues against book burning at a p . t . a . meeting  displaying the sincere passion of a ', 60s berkeley radical . ray liotta is appropriately eerie and awe - inspiring as the ghost of shoeless joe  the legendary batter who was suspended from baseball for his involvement in the 1919 chicago " black sox " scandal . and finally  burt lancaster is memorable in a small  but important  role as a small town doctor whose professional baseball career was limited to only one inning . field of dreams is a touching fairy tale full of life  wonder  mystery  spirit  and humor . it  for the most part  succeeds in capturing our emotions and suspending our disbelief . ray kinsella ', s spiritual quest in pursuit of his dreams proves to be moving and miraculous . but while field of dreams generally avoids excessive melodrama  it unfortunately does at times go overboard  and by the end it gets down - right sappy . in general  however  field of dreams is an emotionally satisfying fantasy -- one i can recommend to everyone but unromantic cynics .
pos making a sequel to a widely beloved film is a weighty proposition indeed  especially when the first film is considered by many to be a masterpiece . when it comes to living up to expectations  a filmmaker is almost doomed to some degree of failure . for a sequel to live up to or even surpass the original ', s greatness is very rare indeed . and whereas " babe : pig in the city " misses equaling the greatness of its best picture nominated predecessor babe  it is a worthy companion piece . more than that  it is a spectacular work of art that deserves to stand alone in its own right . " babe : pig in the city " warrants the classification of being recognized with such classics like " the godfather : part ii " and " the empire strikes back " as being one of the greatest sequels ever produced . " babe : pig in the city " picks up precisely where " babe " left off . having won the sheep herding competition  farmer hoggett ( james cromwell ) and his pig are elevated to fame status . a series of unfortunate circumstances and hilariously freakish events leads to mrs . hoggett taking babe from the small country farm into the big city . in doing so  the film transports us into a wonderfully imaginative world that simultaneously mirrors and exceeds the creative design seen in the original . " babe : pig in the city " flourishes where so many sequels fail . most sequels simply rehash the events of the first film . not " babe : pig in the city " . this is a completely original tale that offers up a story drastically different than the first . also  by not being content to utilize most of the old characters  this film gives us many new ones to enjoy . in essence  it doesn ', t attempt to copy itself . instead  it strives to achieve an originality of its own . and it succeeds . that ', s not to say the familiar is absent . " babe : pig in the city " retains some of the best core elements and characters from the first film . along with babe himself  ferdinand the duck comes along for the ride  as does mrs . hoggett ( one of this decade ', s best and most underappreciated comic characterizations  hilariously performed by magda szubanski ) . the three singing mice also make the journey  chiming in with their cute high - pitched vocals . the story structure is also similar as each segment is introduced with title cards read by the aforementioned mice . from there  we are guided once again by roscoe lee browne ', s soothingly deep narrative . composer nigel westlake also returns with his whimsical music style that is perfect for cinematic fables such as these . but these elements are simply the frame that surrounds an entirely new painting . while staying at the flealands hotel  babe encounters a veritable ark - full of new animals . monkeys  kittens  and dogs of various breeds and sizes are some of the new " urbanites " that babe befriends  as well as some wonderfully comical pelicans that ferdinand the duck happens to encounter . each character is distinctly unique  some of which are imbued with personal human - like struggles that are endearing and touching . and while this world focuses largely on these animals  we are introduced to two new human characters as well . mary stein plays the owner of the flealands hotel  an animal - loving young spinster who harbors these lost creatures much to the dismaying anger of her fellow neighbors . stein ', s landlady is a wonderfully odd caricature . we also meet fugly floom  an old soft - spoken clown who owns many of the animals in the flealands hotel  utilizing them as a part of the act that he performs at different parties and functions . not having known who portrayed fugly floom prior to seeing the film  it came as an unexpected pleasant surprise to see who it was . so as not to ruin this well - kept secret  i won ', t reveal the actor ', s identity here . it was a treat indeed to see one of cinema ', s legends grace the screen again in what was a superbly gentle and heartwarming performance . the greatest triumph of " babe : pig in the city " is the art direction . simply put -- it bleeds creativity  taking the look of the original film to a whole new level . restricted primarily to a farm the first time around  this second installment creates an entire city  dazzling us with unique fable - like architecture . but the stroke of pure genius by production designer roger ford is his use of our world ', s architectural landmarks . designing a skyline that includes the statue of liberty  the sydney opera house  the brooklyn bridge  the hollywood sign and the eiffel tower  ford has created a singular city that encompasses all of our cities ( as seen in the film photo and pre - production drawing to your right ) . added to that  many of this city ', s streets are the twin siblings of venice ', s gondola - trekked rivers . the metropolis that has sprung from ford ', s vision is a wondrous sight to behold . it is a world that you want to walk around in . norma moriceau ', s costume designs belong in this world  vibrant in color and style equal to that of the ford ', s landscape . most of the costumes are imaginatively cartoonish  with the most exotically grand design going to that of fugly floom ', s clown outfit . andrew lesnie ', s photography captures these elements with various lighting moods that are beautifully effective in creating the film ', s multiple emotional tones . much press fodder has been made over the weeks leading up to the release of " babe : pig in the city " . reports stated that its original cut was branded with a pg - 13 rating . these reports were discovered to be false as it was assigned a pg rating . but even so  to be anything harsher than the original ', s g rating had many parents and fans up in arms . by deleting a minimal number of shots  " babe : pig in the city " was eventually given the coveted g rating . although appeased  many fans were still concerned that it would be too dark  fearing that the film may have come to be possessed by tim burton himself . well  to coin a phrase  the reports of " babe : pig in the city " ', s death at the hands of a dark  scary  felliniesque interpretation have been greatly exaggerated . granted it has its moments of pseudo - morbidity  but all - in - all " babe : pig in the city " is the funny and charming adventure that everyone was hoping it would be . whatever " dark " moments it may have can be attributed to director george miller ( the " mad max " trilogy  " the witches of eastwick "  " lorenzo ', s oil " ) . having served as a producer and co - writer on the first film  miller moves into the director ', s chair for this one  putting his own unique sense of style into this budding franchise . the story of " babe : pig in the city " is an enchanting yarn  but one that doesn ', t achieve the emotional or character depth of the original . missing here is the attempt to broach such heady themes as personal identity  an individual ', s worth  challenging conformity  and one ', s purpose in life . " babe " dealt with this weighty subject matter  creating a timeless fable . " babe : pig in the city " should not have rehashed these themes  but i do wish it would have attempted to explore new ones . this film is not bereft of moral or message as it parallels such issues as urban strife  class differences  sacrificial courage  and so on . but this film ', s goals aren ', t as lofty as the first ', s  instead choosing to take a more straightforward approach  allowing its themes to take a back seat to an exciting  sometimes intense  fable adventure that is undeniably clever and inventive . " babe : pig in the city " also decides against developing a relationship to the level of which was present in the first film  specifically the one between farmer hoggett and babe . hoggett ', s love for babe  which grew ever so gently  is what gave that film its charming and endearing quality . best exemplified in hoggett ', s dance for babe  this moving relationship was truly unique . it is something that i wish would have been present again ( and could have through fugly floom )  but was not . please understand  these are not negative criticisms  per se ',  but simply statements of what i see as the differences between " babe : pig in the city " being a very good film and the original being a great one . but having said that  these observations are minor critiques at best . as an overall piece  " babe : pig in the city " is a thoroughly enchanting and entertaining fable from beginning to end . sure  it isn ', t a great film  but it is an excellent one that possesses elements of greatness . it is a film that is magical with its charm and humor  exciting in its adventurous exploits  funny with its dry wit and cute voices  and breathtaking in its presentation . " babe : pig in the city " may not be moviemaking at its absolute best  but it is on level of cinematic quality that is rarely achieved or seen in cinema . as a result  if you choose to let this film pass you by  you will be missing of the year ', s best cinematic treats .
pos let me first say that the conditions that i was forced to watch the matrix under were less than ideal . so i have tried to be as fair as possible considering that my viewing experience was significantly less than ideal . i watched the matrix in a theater that is in serious need of upgrades at the best of times . under no circumstances  should it have ever been allowed to show a big budget special effects laden film like the matrix . this theater  owned by the parent company of one of hollywood ', s biggest studios  hasn ', t even graduated into stereo sound yet . the mono sound that the audience was subjected to sounded as if it was coming out of a speaker that was many years past mandatory retirement age . in other words  the sound sucked . as someone used to digital sound in a movie theater  bad sound doesn ', t do anything to add to a film . i ', m not even going to go into the horrible splicing job that the projectionist did putting this film together . there  i ', ve had my rant  now on with the regularly scheduled review . which sadly won ', t include commentary on the film ', s sound which i ', m assuming was spectacular  but i ', m just guessing . my guess on the sound seems like a fairly solid one considering the visual quality of the matrix . it is nothing short of stunning visually . sadly  the rest of the film  while pretty good  doesn ', t quite measure up to the obvious effort that was expended on making this film look so darn good . the matrix has at it ', s core a good concept  although it strays into the confusing side more often than i would have liked . keanu reeves plays a computer hacker who is drawn into the frightening realization that reality is just a hoax . it turns out that that many years ago the world was devastated by some sort of disaster . now machines run the planet and humans spend their lives in a sort of incubator  plugged into a computer network . the computers are generating a virtual reality world which is a representation of the earth before it was destroyed . the population of the planet never realizes that their entire life is a hoax and that they really spend their entire lives as comatose . that is except a small band who have discovered this horrible secret and have escaped their virtual prisons . they now spend their lives combating the computers in an effort to expose this lie . reeve ', s character  neo  is recruited by this band of rebels led by morpheus ( laurence fishburne ) . newcomer carrie - anne moss and one of hollywood ', s most underrated actors  joe pantoliano  join fishburne in the band of freedom - fighters . the action sequences are nothing short of spectacular . this can be attributed as much to the amazing special effects as to many of the actor ', s extensive pre - production training in martial arts . this lends itself to some of the best martial arts sequences that you are ever likely to see in a film . when you add this to some of the wild effects in the computer generated world  it all adds up to an eyeful . as i already said  the visuals far outpace the rest of the film . acting in the matrix is not bad  but it certainly isn ', t real good either . keanu reeves gives his usual fairly emotionless performances . although to his credit  it is one of his better performances . laurence fishburne on the other hand often seemed to forget that he was in a sci - fi action film . more than a few times he delivered his lines as if he thought he was performing in some sort of shakespearean drama . joe pantoliano was a little under used in this film but he made the most with what he had . carrie - anne moss turned out a surprisingly good performance for this her first feature film role . it ', s nice to see that she was cast as much for her talent as for her breathtaking looks . you have to give all of the main actors a healthy dose of credit for the work that they obviously put into the physical training for their roles in this film . it was clear that no small effort went into getting the moves down perfectly for the fighting sequences . i also put much of the blame for the somewhat strained performances in the matrix on the dialogue  which was terrible at times . in more than a few places it got way too existential for my liking and at other times it was just plain weird . it almost seems as though the writers were having a difficult time trying to figure out how to explain the concept for the movie . so they decided to make the dialogue as obtuse as possible so that no one could figure out what the heck they were talking about . thereby covering up any leaps of faith that they may have had to make in the departments of logic and believability . my other major complaint with the matrix was with the very unsatisfying ending . the setup for it was hokey and frankly used in many a bad film before . the ending itself was just plain strange . the main reasons to recommend the matrix are the visual effects and computer animation which make this a real treat to watch . while the rest of the film ( acting  dialogue and to a degree plot ) detract from the high production values  they don ', t detract enough to prevent me from recommending the matrix as a fun way to spend an evening .
pos alchemy is steeped in shades of blue . kieslowski ', s blue  that is . with its examination of death  isolation  character restoration  and recovery from loss  suzanne myers ', new independent film echoes the polish director ', s internationally - acclaimed 1993 release . language aside  the principal difference between the films is that  while kieslowski took great pains to draw us into the main character ', s world  alchemy keeps its viewers at arm ', s length . as a result  while we ', re able to appreciate the film ', s intellectual tapestry  it is emotionally distant . alchemy is divided into three chapters : " charity "  " faith "  and " hope " . while there are common themes and story elements running through all three  the single constant is the main character  a sculptor / russian translator named louisa ( rya kihlstedt ) . when the film opens  she ', s living with her painter boyfriend  whom she believes to be cheating on her . following his sudden death in an automobile accident  louisa ', s life is thrown into turmoil . events swirls around her  and she can ', t find a source of stability . in her quest to make sense out of her loss  she befriends her late boyfriend ', s mistress  visits her ill sister  and  eventually  abandons her old life by joining a " back - to - nature " cult . alchemy successfully explores a variety of compelling issues . in addition to asking the basic question of how a person should cope with the unexpected death of a loved one  it probes beneath the surface of concepts like the importance of faith in the healing process  the meaning of love  and the nature of art . does personality restoration come through interacting with others or escaping from the familiar ? are artistic epiphanies the result of focused solitude or of living life  with all of its various distractions  to the fullest ? myers ', challenge is to make these subjects  art film staples  engrossing in a new context . through louisa ', s struggles  she succeeds . while alchemy isn ', t always emotionally appealing  it never loses its fascination . even when we ', re not connecting with louisa  who is often more of a locus for ideas than a fully - developed personality  there ', s enough material on - screen to hold our attention . the cinematography is stunning . city scenes are tinted with blue  adding a cold  bleak dimension to the film ', s early portions . later  when louisa reaches the " wilderness "  we ', re treated to a dazzling array of autumnal splendor -- brightly - colored leaves in the trees and on the ground . it ', s a startling - but - effective visual contrast that emphasizes the changes taking place in louisa ', s life as she travels the road back to emotional stability . the title refers to the practice of a group of mystical faith - healers who use " alchemy " to provide for the needs of the body and soul . and  although louisa partakes of their peculiar brand of medicine  it ', s ultimately love and companionship  not alchemy  that brings solace . her pain is assuaged only when she lets go of the belief that the inherent safety of being alone is life ', s ultimate goal . even though louisa ', s final transformation lacks the impact it could have possessed had she been a more vital character  it ', s still an intriguing and enlightening process to watch . alchemy isn ', t pure magic  but  especially during its best moments  it ', s close .
pos who would have thought ? jim carrey does drama . when i first saw the advertisement for the truman show  i thought  " what a hilarious idea for a movie ! " however  it was an even better premise for a drama . the truman show takes us into a world that revolves around one man . that man is truman burbank ( jim carrey ) . truman has no clue what is really going on in his world and frankly  cristof wants to keep it that way . christof is the " god " of this made - up world . he keeps everything running and gives the actors their roles . there were a few attempts to tell truman about his world  but they failed and life went on as normal . the opening parts of the film introduce to truman ', s world . we see what he is doing at his current age  then we get a flashback at his past . it may seem a tad boring  but it is so intriguing that you will fall in love with the film right from the start . the film can be described in one word : weird . it seems like such a simple idea  yet it is something that a majority of us would never think of  but andrew niccol did . it seems like a warped idea  but it is andrew ', s idea and he did wonders with it . jim carrey actually lived up to the hype . the hype  whether good or bad  always focused on carrey ', s ability to do drama . no one doubted how extraordinary this film could be  the only thing they doubted was carrey . and he showed them all up . jim carrey was snubbed at the oscars . i do not think he was the best actor  but he deserved the nomination . he plays truman burbank  the unsuspecting star of the most popular television show in the world . he has lived a normal life for almost thirty years  but then strange things start happening . he ventures into the wrong elevator . a light crashes in front of him . his father comes back and is then pulled away . we are constantly teased with all of this and we know it is a show  but truman does not . and it is just a constant progression that never gets sluggish . carrey is able to shed his comedy to play a major role in a major drama . laura linney is magnificent as the camera hungry wife . she plays her role as advertiser and budding star to a point . peter weir does not make the cast perfect  and their flaws eventually lead to truman ', s escape . the story unfolds until the show becomes too big and everything crashes down . despite carrey ', s greatness  the best performance in the truman show undoubtedly is turned in by ed harris  who plays the " god " of truman ', s world . he displays the pressure he is under  the world he has created . he becomes so paranoid that he believes he is a god and that truman has him to thank for his sham of a life . the action moves at a good pace  and rarely gets sluggish . but  the main point of the film is how it looks like a television show . it really makes you think . maybe your brother is an actor  maybe your best friend is in heated contract negotiations to stay on the show . some of the best parts of the film are when truman ventures into the wrong elevator and sees cast members drinking coffee and talking . or when truman tunes into the wrong station and hears orders being said for truman ', s arrival . and when christof focuses in on truman and cues the dramatic music as marlon ( noah emmerich ) delivers his dramatic line . all of these ideas are just perfect for the film and extremely innovative . i was not only enjoying the film  i was overwhelmed by genius of it . overall  the truman show is one of the freshest and innovative films to come out of hollywood . jim carrey shows that he is not just a man of a million faces  but a legitimate actor who could go down as one of the best . andrew niccol is responsible for the screenplay and peter weir pulled it off to perfection . the truman show is a must see for anyone who likes movies in general because they will be thoroughly impressed by this creative film .
pos capsule : this is a harrowing look at a rarely dramatized chapter of wwii  life in a japanese prison camp . to end all wars is a moving film about the struggle of prisoners to retain their humanity and their dignity . the somewhat religious interpretation may not be to everyone ', s taste .  + 3 ( - 4 to + 4 ) more than any other people the japanese seem capable of acting with one goal and not letting any other consideration get in their way . this may be a holdover from the code of bushido when loyalty to ones master was the only law . during world war ii  of course  the one goal was winning the war . this led them to do some very inhuman things in pursuit of that goal . when the japanese had captured prisoners  they were very much treated in whatever way would be optimum for achieving the one goal . minimum resources were to be spent in maintaining prisoners in keeping with maximal positive output . while the germans  not known for their kindness in those days  had a 6 % mortality rate among captured prisoners of war  the mortality rate of japanese prisoners of war was 27 % . the best thing for the war effort was working prisoners nearly to death on the thailand to burma railroad . that railroad was needed if japan was to attack india as it planned to do . the best thing for the effort was not to waste much food on the prisoners so short and amazingly wretched food was the order of the day . and just being in the jungle without proper medical aid took its toll . in the public mind japan has never been held as accountable for war atrocities as was germany . filmmakers have been reticent to tell the story  perhaps for fear of offending the japanese . there are comparatively few films about the japanese pow camps . certainly there was david lean ', s the bridge on the river kwai . there were some low - budget british exploitation films and that was about it . then there were tv series " a town like alice " and " tenko . " lest the experience be forgotten we have a new film to end all wars directed by david cunningham and written by brian godawa . it is based on the account of ernest gordan who survived the horror of that world war ii prison camp and went on to become for 26 years the dean of the chapel at princeton university . the film while realistic shows the conditions in the camp as being considerably more brutal and sadistic than bridge on the river kwai portrayed them . the story opens with six or so soldiers being marched into the prison camp only to be immediately placed in front of a firing squad . it turns out to be a grim joke  one of many that the sadistic japanese play to amuse themselves . beating and torture are commonplace events . men already imprisoned tell the new arrivals to enjoy the last of their health ; it will not last long with parasites and disease almost inevitable . however  unlike as in kwai  the prisoners want to avoid going to the hospital  called by the prisoners the death house . so goes a war within a war with the prisoners trying to maintain their humanity and with the japanese trying to make them interchangeable and highly expendable cogs in a rail - laying machine . this is more than just a battle of who will win the war but a battle of ideologies . the japanese believe that the individual is nothing  that conformity to group ', s norms is all that gives a life meaning . conformity is purpose . before the film is over there will be some surprising revelations about the character of the prisoners and the character of those running the camp . if this story showed nothing but sadism from the japanese it would be one kind of story . if the british ( with one american  by the way ) and the japanese learned to respect each other it would be another kind of story . it is neither . it is a stirring and believable account of camp life . the color has been distorted in the film to give a washed out yellow . this serves a double purpose for cunningham . it gives an effect of technicolor film that has been left in heat . it also creates a distancing effect . the only touch that seems a little out of place is the use of gaelic music . this is a powerful and philosophical view of the prison camp experience . i rate it a 9 on the 0 to 10 scale and a + 3 on the - 4 to + 4 scale .
pos another ', independent film ',  this comedy  which was brought by miramax for $ 5 million  is good fun . favreau and vaughn ( the lost world : jurassic park  1997 ) play mike and trent  two everyday 20somethings on the lookout for women . the film just basically follows their plight on the lookout for lurve  and along the way we get to meet some of their friends  see their attempts at chatting up girls  and just basically get a insight into their lives . and all of this is great fun . swingers doesn ', t rely on huge special effects  or big name stars to provide entertainment . no  it just has a great script and superb little known actors . the script  by favreau  is great . mike is always missing is girlfriend  who hasn ', t called him for six months  and every time he meets a girl  he always end up telling her about the ex . the audience feels for this pathetic little man  thanks to the great script . vaughn is ', the money ', ( swingers speak for ', the best ', ) as the womanizing trent  always on the lookout for a new girl . some of his chat - up lines are awful  but he always seems to get the girl thanks to his ', hard man ', nature . vaughns character also gets the best laugh in the film  towards the end in a diner . the conversations that go on between mike and trent are great  but it never quite reaches tarantino standards ( which i suspect the film was trying to reach . ) there are some excellent  laugh out loud jokes in the film  and some superbly funny set pieces ( such as favreau cringe - worhy battle with a answer machine that always cut him off before he finishes his sentence . embarrassing to him  hilarious to the audience . ) mike & trents friends are also good  although there characters seem a bit underwritten  and we never really learn as much as we would like about them . although this is primarily mike and trents film  it would of been nice to learn a bit more about their friends . they just seem to wander aimlessly in the background . but again  the lines they say are usually pretty good  and they do have some funny parts . it ', s just a shame that they didn ', t have more meatier roles . the acting is superb . as said above  vaughn is superb as trent  he ', s definitely the best thing in the film . favreau is also good  acting as ', the little man ', very well  and the way he always feels sorry for himself is very funny . graham ( boogie nights  1997 ) has a small but good role as lorraine  a girl mike finally falls in love with . she hardly features in the film at all  but she still manages to make an impact on the audience . swingers  then  is funny  but it does have some flaws . firstly  the running time is a bit too short . the film comes to an abrupt halt  and i actually wanted the film to carry on longer . it never really comes to a satisfying conclusion  which is a shame  as most films are too long ! also  this type of film has been done too many times  such as sleep with me ( 1994 ) . but these small flaws don ', t really spoil what is a funny  entertaining comedy .
pos a frequent error is the categorization of a terrorist as a soldier or a common criminal . a soldier commits acts of violence sanctioned by one nation - state against another . a common criminal commits acts of violence for personal gain . a terrorist employs random violence as a means to a political end . if the target nation does not affect the desired change in policy  the violence continues . it is the fear resulting from the fact that the terrorist may strike at anyone ( even total innocents )  anywhere  at anytime that gives the figure his label . edward zwick ', s the siege explores the possibility of this kind of violence taking place right here in the united states . you ', d think the opening bit was ripped right from the headlines . arab terrorists kill american citizens abroad  and the u . s . responds by retaliating against the sheik whom supposedly ordered the attack . however  unlike the real - life tomahawk cruise missile strike against bin laden ', s camp and manufacturing facility  the film version depicts special operations troops kidnapping sheik ahmed bin talal . in retaliation  the terrorists bring the fight to the new world . unwittingly involved is fbi assistant special agent - in - charge anthony hubbard ( denzel washington )  who works out of the bureau ', s new york office at one federal plaza . while investigating a series of bombings in the big apple  he encounters cia agent elise kraft ( annette bening )  also trying to uncover information . generally  the fbi is charged with problems inside the u . s .  while the cia takes care of problems in the international realm . even spies from other countries are off limits to the cia as long as they are in our country . hubbard therefore finds it highly unusual that an agency spook is nosing around what he considers his territory  but as the two form a tentative professional relationship  hubbard becomes more and more aware of an increasingly complicated series of allegiances and possibly illegal actions involving terrorism and the united states government . the original tagline for patriot games was  " there has never been a terrorist attack on american soil . " however true  it was pulled before the movie ', s release because it sounded too much like a dare . revisiting the scenario of foreign terrorists committing acts of violence in the united states  the siege is almost an invitation in itself  because it shows just what kind of turmoil could be produced if an effective terrorist network were to set up operations here in america . admittedly  the terror wrought upon new york is a bit excessive ( who ', s going to believe that a few bombs are going to cause new yorkers to jump at the backfire of a bus or to curtail their shopping by two - thirds ? )  but the basic premise is still valid . i liked the fact that this film rises above the basic action - thriller fare of good guy g - men against bad guy terrorists by exploring some of the effects on society and law and order . it provides a very possible hypothesis that violent activity on the part of a few arabs would escalate into a series of hate crimes against the arab - american population  and that in an effort to find the terrorists  the civil liberties of the minority may be violated by the government itself . in fact  about halfway through the film  when the president authorizes the declaration of martial law within new york city  the liberties of all americans are put at risk . although it may actually be a side effect of a terrorist campaign  the demise of social order in america is a scary thought and a goal which would not be beneath many international terrorist groups . throughout  the film maintains a conflict between hubbard  who wants to use the fbi to pursue the terrorists within the letter of the law  and general devereaux ( bruce willis )  who is in command of the army and of the mind that the greater good would be better served by suspending the law and pursuing the terrorists more forcefully . what results is a fascinating debate over the appropriateness and constitutionality of the declaration of martial law and the invocation of the war powers act  utilizing philosophy and historical examples to make points on both sides . it actually gets rather heady at times  but it ', s a credit to screenwriters zwick  lawrence wright  and menno meyjes that they don ', t underestimate the intelligence of the audience . i don ', t know if it ', s his tone or inflection or something else  but denzel washington has a way of spitting out dialog that makes whatever he says sound great . this  combined with his innate acting ability and his experience in playing the mid - level authority figure  makes his performance in the siege convincing and enjoyable . annette bening gives one of the more assertive portrayals of a female character i ', ve seen recently  and the chemistry she shares with washington is palpable . it ', s somewhat unfortunate that her character ', s fortitude is broken at a certain point  but it allows us to watch bening play a little more range . bruce willis is pretty much relegated to a tough - guy role  always standing straight  and with a permanent scowl fixed upon his face . however  the tension that exists between devereaux and hubbard is a major drive behind the film ', s development . notable is tony shalhoub who plays fbi agent frank haddad  a lebanese immigrant . the role calls for evidencing both a kind of filial pride for his heritage  and contempt for those of his own race who might interfere with his integration into the american society . difficult to say the least  shalhoub does it with a naturalness you can almost reach out and touch . perhaps best known for his role as antonio the cab driver in the nbc sitcom " wings  " shalhoub gained notoriety for his dramatic abilities in the wonderful film big night . whereas denzel washington seems to be edward zwick ', s favorite actor ( he directed washington in glory and courage under fire )  james horner seems to be his favorite composer . i therefore found it odd that zwick chose the prolific score - writer graeme revell ( seven films this year already ) over horner for the siege until i realized that this film contained a lot of arabian - themed music  and horner ', s record has shown more of a propensity for scores either neutral in ethnicity or irish - sounding at most . revell does a good job at providing appropriate music to punctuate key scenes and allowing the score to enhance the movie as a whole . it ', s nowhere near as intrusive as in some of the other films we ', ve been getting throughout the year . missteps in the siege can be found in a couple of the excesses it takes . for example  it ', s pretty clear throughout that the film is meant to be more of thriller than an action flick . unfortunately  there ', s a scene where the army just cuts loose against some arab immigrants in a blatant display of firepower and explosions  obviously meant for the sole purpose of being eye - catching . in the middle of the city ( and against no real opposition )  zwick even has the army use a cobra attack helicopter to shoot rockets into a building no farther than 50 feet from friendly troops . verisimilitude really goes out the window at that point . the film also gets a little preachy toward the end  focusing on the ability of different races to get along . a noble gesture  the film just puts the message across a bit too obviously . these flaws are glaring  but they don ', t detract too much from an otherwise good film that makes you think about issues you may not have considered since history class .
pos very few people would be unaware of beavis & butt - head ( both created and narrated by mike judge ) . they are the two animated mtv characters who have the most annoying laughter know to human kind . you may have seen them on their television program  as they snigger and make lude remarks about women  anything related to sex  and the music film clips that they watch . in beavis & butt - head do america the pair finally make their big screen debut  to the delight of some  and the deplore of others . beavis & butt - head ( yes  those are their real names )  are two very ugly teenagers with extremely warped minds driven by raging hormones . they live their lives in front of the television . the worst possible event occurs to the pair when their television is stolen . this happens as they sleep  and when they awake it takes them a few minutes just to decipher that the television has gone . beavis even tries to use the remote  though there is no television there . the two spot a van outside and two sinister looking men carrying a television . even at this point they have no idea what has happened . they look around  seeing all the evidence  but are completely oblivious to the fact that these men have just stolen their television . before the movie i knew that they were stupid  but i didn ', t realise just how stupid . this is typical of their behaviour throughout the film . eventually they realise that their television has been stolen  so they leave their sofa to go search for a television . luck would have it that they stumble into a hotel room ( looking for a television ) where a man is awaiting two guys whose task it is to kill his wife . this man  thinking that beavis & butt - head are the assigned killers  tells them that they can have $ 10  000 if they " do his wife " . beavis & butt - head  being the ignorant fools that they are  think that he is offering them $ 10  000 dollars to have sex with his good looking wife . they are taken to the airport where they fly to las vegas to " do her " . to them  this is the best day of their lives . not only are they going to lose their virginity ( one of their lifelong aims )  but most importantly  they will have enough money to buy a big screen tv . inevitably they become caught up in a huge crime  and unbeknown to them  are tracked across the country by the fbi . oddly enough  it is their complete stupidity that spares them from being caught  as a result the fbi is convinced they are criminal masterminds . they end up travelling right across america  visiting places such as the hoover dam and washington dc . the irony is that although they visit so many grand and spectacular locations  their one time out in the big world away from their television  they are completely oblivious to it . at old faithful they are far more fascinated with the infra - red operated urinals than with the geyser itself . beavis & butt - head essentially have the journey of their lives . they even get to meet the president . but all they care about is getting their television back  and losing their virginity . this is one of the many reasons that the film is so funny - it ', s unbelievable just how stupid they are  and how they can be so oblivious to everything around them . the humour is certainly crude  but then beavis & butt - head are just that ; crude  lude and rude . in the end you can ', t help but feel sorry for them  a pair of anti - social couch potatoes whose life is television . in this respect  and also with regard to authority ( such as the fbi ) mike judge is quite critical of amercian society . if you are easily offended  or find this pair particularly annoying  steer clear . otherwise  it should keep you laughing the whole way through . one note of warning : don ', t take friends who like to imitate beavis & butt - head . . . . . you ', ll never hear the end of it !
pos let me start off by saying that leading up to the release of the latest bond film  i really wasn ', t looking forward to it as much as i have with some of the previous films . i ', m not sure if it was the fairly lackluster trailers or the ever - present dread that the next film will fall back into the miserable ways of the timothy dalton years . i ', m happy to report that any doubts were erased after about the first 10 minutes of the film . by that point  it was evident that mr . bond was back with a vengeance . all doubts would have probably been erased sooner except for the fact that the first ten minutes of the film weren ', t exactly a pleasant experience . it seems that nobody told the geniuses working at the theater that the house lights are supposed to be turned off when the movie starts . it took a reminder from an audience member to clue them in . i guess they can be excused though  taking tickets and cleaning up popcorn between shows is extremely taxing on the brain . anyway  after somebody remembered what the light switch was for  i settled in for bond . i think the most noticeable aspect of this  the 19th film in the series  is that it really goes back to the almost tongue in cheek style of the roger moore films . there were probably more one - liners in this movie than in the last several combined . and bond ', s last one - liner in the film is about the best of the series . the world is not enough also contained perhaps the most action of any movie of the series . everything from wild boat chases to the usual assortment of cool bond gadgets trotted out just when there seems to be no way out for 007 . for the most part  the action sequences worked very well . although  there were a couple of times that i thought some things were a bit over the top  even for a bond film . i think some of the blame can be laid at the feet of director michael apted . while he did a good job for the most part  there were points in the movie  specifically during action sequences  that he seemed to loose site of the fact that he was making essentially an action film . most noticeably sequences on a snow covered mountain and one involving bond getting through a closing door looked like apted thought he was filming some sort of high brow art movie . he almost seemed like he didn ', t know what he was doing . but they were brief scenes and really shouldn ', t take away from the otherwise solid job that apted did in directing . if you have ever seen a bond film  you won ', t be shocked to learn that plot has never been their strong suit . the world is not enough is no exception . this time we have yet another over villain that bond has to stop for the good of the world . 007 matches wits with the terrorist renard ( robert carlyle )  a man who has a bullet lodged in his brain that makes him impervious to pain . why this point is included is beyond me . they took great pains to explain his condition  but it only came up later in the movie as a scene that can only be described as looking like an afterthought . anyway  renard  like the typical terrorist that he is  is bent on some harebrained scheme involving a mid - east oil pipeline . i guess world domination just isn ', t as attractive to terrorists as a money making venture anymore . bond is brought in to protect the pipeline ', s owner  elektra king ( sophie marceau )  who is the daughter of one of renard ', s recent victims . along the way  bond has to enlist the help of a nuclear scientist  dr . christmas jones ( denise richards )  and his old rival valentin zukovsky ( robert carlyle ) . like all bond films  you basically just have to suspend disbelief over the plot  since it is ridiculous beyond words . my biggest complaint would be that it was about the most disjointed of any of the bond films . there was at least one point that i had to stop and try to remember why bond was where he was and why he was doing what he was doing . the buddy that i saw the movie with was completely confused over an earlier kidnapping of marceau ', s character . it was alluded to earlier in the movie briefly -- although not included in the film . later  it became a big part of the story and left him with the distinct feeling that he had missed something . but because it is a bond film  the beautiful women and nifty gadgets seem to make you forget about script problems quite quickly . after all  it isn ', t shakespeare . how about the cast ? brosnan seems to get better with each of his appearances as 007 . i grew up with the roger moore version of bond  so i really enjoyed the lighter style that brosnan brings to the character . judi dench  as m  had a bigger role in this film than in her two previous appearances in the role . she brought the talent with her that one would expect from an oscar winner . robbie coltrane was easily one of the best parts in goldeneye  so it was nice to see his russian mobster character revived in this movie . coltrane gets more screen time  which simply leads to him stealing even more scenes . then there are the bond girls . sophie marceau might be one of the most beautiful actresses working today . there is just something about her breathtaking eyes that makes her a natural to play the innocent victim . those that saw her in braveheart know she is more than just a pretty face . marceau may be the most talented actress to ever play a bond love interest . then we have denise richards . there was no doubt in my mind that she was cast exclusively for her looks . and after you see the outfits she wears  you won ', t have any trouble guessing what part of her anatomy caught the producer ', s eyes . i was pleasantly surprised to find that she really did a good job playing a nuclear scientist . admittedly  there was one point that the audience snickered a bit at one of her technical lines of dialogue  but other than that she stacks up ( no pun intended ) to her bond girl predecessors nicely . i must say that the biggest disappointment was robert carlyle ', s character . while carlyle did a fine job with the material that he had  his character just never worked for me . the producers tried very hard to add more complexity to his character  but it just never quite got off the ground . i guess i was hoping for a bit more regarding the whole impervious to pain aspect of his character  but the writers decided to play up the emotional side of his character . this might have worked well in another movie  but i don ', t go to see bond movies for their deep characterizations . last  but not least  we have desmond llewelyn as q . this is the 17th appearance for llewelyn as bond ', s gadget guy  and he is as good as ever . although his screen time has grown far more limited in the past few films  he is still a treat to watch . rumors abound that this may be his last appearance in the role . he says future appearances are up to a higher power . the producers have introduced his protege and future replacement  a bumbling and somewhat pompous character played by comedy master john cleese . while we don ', t see much of him in this film  i think it is fair to say that desmond llewelyn ', s legacy  whenever it is passed on  will be in very capable hands . so how does it stack up ? despite some problems  the world is not enough is a very entertaining movie . and  all things considered  what problems it does have are small compared to some that have plagued earlier bond movies . this is easily the best of the brosnan films . it may even be the best of the entire series  certainly in the top 3 . one thing is for sure  even after 19 movies  there is still plenty of life left in the james bond series . here ', s looking forward to bond number 20 .
pos seen september 5  1998 at 10 p . m . at the sony nickelodeon theaters ( boston  ma )  theater # 2  with matt perreault for free using my sony / loews critic ', s pass . [ theater rating : * * 1 / 2 : okay seats  sound  and picture ] modern society is now inundated with more sex and sexuality than it ever has been before  from teenage sitcoms to nc - 17 - rated films about fetishes . the biggest debate of the subject is whether or not it affects reality or just reflects it . " your friends and neighbors " takes a different approach as it ', s a film that revolves almost entirely around sex and how can be used for both pain and pleasure even within a small circle of friends . one of the most important aspects of the film that most be noted and analyzed before the film can really be dissected as a whole is writer / director neil labute ', s basic setup and some of the unique methods he employs to tell the story . firstly  and most importantly is the fact the script tells a rather complex  detailed story of lust  betrayal  arrogance  hypocrisy  greed  and just plain stupidity between six different characters ( three men  three women )  without hardly any supporting characters  ( a few have a line or two )  mostly extras . everything they do will somehow affect another character and ultimately come full - circle back to themselves  whether it be positive or negative . but to just state this is arbitrary  and explaining and criticizing the process is difficult . labute ', s ability to tell his story through a few characters is a remarkable feat  but what ', s specifically impressive is the fact the characters ', names are never revealed until the end credits roll . for the sake of this review  i will describe the characters and refer to them as their main characteristic . another interesting accomplishment is the fact every scene takes place inside with limited focus . we ', re always able to tell where the characters are ( someone ', s home  the gym  a restaurant  hotel room  etc . )  but what the city they live in  what year it is  what the society is like  etc . is relatively unknown . the film is a complete character study with the tight  intense drama of the theater . no one plot dominates the story  which makes the first act a bit tedious for its lack of background . we ', re simply dropped in on the characters ', lives and are expected to figure out the rest . the characters are a group of middle - class white people who are all successful at what they do  but they ', re only concern right now seems to be their sex lives . first there ', s barry ( eckhart ) and mary ( brenneman )  a married couple who are going through a dry spell not unlike many other couples in other situations who don ', t know what they ', re problem is . barry is kind of a dorky businessman who loves his wife  and the sex they have  but doesn ', t have a lot of ambition - he just follows everyone else . mary is a writer of some sort  but lacks aggression and emotion like her husband and is the meekness character  but ironically  doesn ', t hesitate to commit adultery just to feel something . labute ', s script does a good job in characterizing mary and barry as individuals  but is very light on chemistry and connection between the two . obviously  this is the theme  which is enhanced by the actors ', good performances  but at the same time seems just a bit hollow . another couple is jerry ( stiller ) and terri ( keener ) who live together and seem to have been involved with each other for a long time  yet they constantly argue over anything and everything . their sex life is also fraught with problems and for some reason they continue to do it throughout their infidelitous relationship . if only one aspect of the film could use improvement  it would be this area . it ', s natural for a married couple to become bored with each other  but why would two people who can barely stand each other continue to have sex and live together ? what did they ever see in the other person to begin with ? labute never really answers  but since the film is more concerned with the payoff than the process  it still makes for good drama  tension  and manip ulation so intricate and deceitful it ', s fascinating . two other characters act as catalysts  cary ( jason patric ) and cheri ( natassja kinski ) . cary is an arrogant  hostile sex - maniac who defines the word " bastard . " somehow he is able to bend women to his will  either through charm or just attitude  into getting his way . he ', s the kind of guy everyone should stay away from as we realize he ', s secretly perverted  but somehow barry finds comfort in his company  although jerry is always nervous around him . patric gives an outstanding performance  so much so that we want to know more about him despite how intimidating and unlikable he is . cheri is a character labute uses as a catalyst to see how the other characters react to her . she works in an art museum and at some point throughout the film  each character will engage her in almost the exact same conversation and her reaction is always different  from becoming involved in a relationship with one  to brushing it off as small talk with another  to being outright appalled by yet another . she ', s a sweet woman  perhaps the most normal of any of the characters  and although her symbolism is obvious  her role as the outsider is the most relatable . i will not reveal who cheats on who and how each character is specifically affected by the others ', action  as that ', s the hook of the film . the first two acts begin to set up the characters and each ', s scenarios  but it ', s often difficult to tell what they will do about it and with whom . the result is sometimes surprising  other times predictable  but the actual course of actions is always fascinating . for a while everyone has their fun  but ultimately each character ', s guilt  attitude  or ignorance will disserve them . one of the most important things to note is how realistic the story is supposed to be . since the characters only interact with each other there isn ', t much pop culture references  as almost everything has a deeper philosophy behind it . are we to assume that these people are  as the title states  our friends and neighbors ? i don ', t know of anyone going through the same situations as these people . often times the film is not unlike a network melodrama  other times situations are like those not seen outside a porno movie . but what this film does have that the others don ', t is repercussions in the end . although the film creates its own reality  it goes to show that even the immoral aren ', t immortal . in what way " your friends and neighbors " is supposed to work is open to interpretation . it definitely has a lot to say about the price that comes with infidelity  but it could have been even better had it expanded on that theme more specifically . still  it ', s an accomplishment in film - making because it has put a timeless theme into a modern perspective .
pos the characters in " palmetto " collectively sweat enough to fill lake erie  and it ', s just the right way to capture the film ', s ripe atmosphere of sensuality  tension and even farce . this humid florida - set thriller nurtures a modestly absurd edginess that often winks at itself  which is very much a good thing since the actors and director are in on the joke . as far as set - up is concerned  the movie is nothing we haven ', t seen before  but be patient -- " palmetto " spins some pretty wicked story twists that we really don ', t see coming . it ', s not a classic by any means  but it sure is quite an engaging surprise . harry barber ( woody harrelson ) is fresh out of prison  where he ', s served a couple of years for a crime he didn ', t commit . even though he harbors animosity towards the obtuse local officials  harry ', s first order of business is to return to his home town of palmetto to be with his sculptor girlfriend nina ( gina gershon ) . while searching for work  he catches the eye of rhea malroux ( elisabeth shue )  the mysterious sexbomb wife of a palmetto millionaire . rhea proposes a scheme that ', ll get harry $ 50  000 easy -- to play a small part in the staged kidnaping of her jailbait stepdaughter odette ( chloe sevigny ) . " you do like risks  don ', t you  mr . barber ? " rhea alluringly coos . boys  form a line behind me . part of " palmetto " ', s success can be attributed to the performance of elisabeth shue  who demonstrates here that her oscar - nominated turn in " leaving las vegas " might merely be foreshadowing great things to come . shue ', s a seductive  campy delight  and pulls off a barbara stanwyck - gloria swanson combo with admirable relish . the other actors form a solid ensemble around her  including sevigny ( " kids " )  tantalizingly slutty as a teen tease  as well as the ever - likeable gershon  cast a far cry from her extreme roles in " bound " and " showgirls . " harrelson is still doing fine follow - up work to " the people vs . larry flynt . " " palmetto " does have its share of grievances . harrelson ', s narration is needless  i suppose  and gershon ', s nina cries to be meatier than she ultimately is . one of the plot ', s unexpected angles -- that harry is asked by the police to become the press liaison for the very crime in which he ', s involved -- could have been played a little better . there are moments when you question the tone  but it ', s never so unstable that it deserves the reproach it ', s been receiving from most other critics . if " palmetto " didn ', t want to be laughed at  would it really have tacked on a climax that plays like a live - action " who framed roger rabbit " ? although a few elements can be questioned  the movie works well on its own terms . thanks to a juicy cast -- especially shue -- and the nifty material approach from director volker schlondorff ( you remember him from last summer ', s suddenly re - popular " the tin drum  " right ? )  everything runs smoothly . and for fans of revelation - heavy endings  this film ', s got a few shocks in store that i won ', t even dream of revealing . " palmetto " is a generous amount of fun to watch  and that ', s all you need to know .
pos " you ', ve got mail " is the very definition of a " cute " movie . it ', s got cute stars  a cute story - line  and even cute pets . despite this over - whelming cuteness ( or maybe because of it )  i loved " you ', ve got mail " . i know  i know . i ', m supposed to be a film critic . i ', m not supposed to love transparent and formula pictures like this . but darn it  somewhere along the way  " you ', ve got mail " reeled me in  hook  line  and sinker . the movie stars tom hanks and meg ryan as two somewhat unhappy new yorkers who meet in an aol online chat room and quickly become close friends  without ever knowing each others identity . as the movie progresses  though  they begin to discover that they have a lot in common with each other . meanwhile  in " real - life "  they are bitter competitors . she owns a quaint little children ', s bookstore  he owns one of those gigantic super - bookstores that offer impersonal service and discount prices . while his store threatens to run her store out of business  their online relationship grows stronger . " you ', ve got mail " is as artificial as movies come . everything is nice and happy and by the end  all the characters have gotten exactly what they wanted out of life . there are no real conflicts  no major disappointments  no unresolved issues . nevertheless  i quite enjoyed it . in fact  i can ', t remember the last time i had such a good time at the movies . i think sometimes you have to be able to watch a movie and just get drawn into it . the fact that stars hank and ryan are at the top of their game does not hurt either . in particular  hanks is at his best here  turning his " charm - meter " up to 11 . everytime he was on screen  he had my full attention . and despite the fact that he was driving little bookstores out of business  i was rooting for him . it was good to see hanks back doing what he does best : playing the affable everyman . " you ', ve got mail " certainly won ', t be winning any awards  but as an exercise in pure entertainment  it ', s as good as it gets .
pos with the sudden liberal emergence of personal privacy abounding in the news lately  what with that whole clinton thing going on ( you know  100 million bucks to discover the president got boinked by an intern - oh  please  government  waste my taxes just a bit more  would you ? )  it ', s about time tony scott helmed the newest action pic disguised as an important if not slightly ignorant social statement . with this and " crimson tide  " he ', s created two successfully chilly films that are interesting  exciting  even pretty smart  but never totally riveting as cinema  and the problem i think with each of these films is that each film is too obsessed with its message to ever be really satisfying  and too obsessed with looking all cutting edge to ever be totally smart . that film dealt with a civil war inside a nuclear submarine over whether or not to follow rules or question them  and was appropriately scary and all  but never totally thrilling or overly brilliant . " enemy of the state " is the same way : it ', s engrossing for its entire running time  and it ', s scary the way that it shows a man ', s decent into kafkaism  but it ', s too technical . it ', s too cold and not as fascinating or exciting as it could be . it casts will smith  one of the better big budget leading men in movies these days because he ', s charming and witty and never uninteresting  and hopes that his charisma can make up for his character not being well developed enough to really be a person . i hate to do this  but last year ', s film " the game " got it damn perfect : it casts michael douglas as a deeply flawed human being  a man who is cold and has cut off everyone from his life  and then pulls everything he thought he had as a security blanket away from him and watched what happened . the result was not only a film that was exciting and chilling  but also the best mindfuck of the entire year . not that i want every kafkaesque film to be " the game " ( this year ', s " the spanish prisoner " succeeds with less thrills and chills )  but it should be an example of what works and what doesn ', t . will smith ', s character is  frankly  too perfect  at least too movie perfect . he had an affair with another woman ( lisa bonet  ha ha )  but his relationship with his wife ( regina king ) is basically fine regardless . he has a kid  and he ', s raking in money as a lawyer  albeit a very good and reasonably moral one . so he generally doesn ', t have any real problems as a human being  and is therefore boring . . . except that he is played by will smith  who embodies him with about as much will smith charm as he can without entering " id4 " / " men in black " territory . he ', s a good dramatic actor ( just see the first half hour of " six degrees of separation " for proof of this  not that he isn ', t great the whole time )  and here  he makes his character likable and sympathetic without any real strain on his character  which makes the film lack any real deep interesting qualities . smith becomes involved in a mass conspiracy involving the assasination of a senator opposed to a government law that would create world surveillance  extinguishing privacy as we know it from the world  under the pretense that it would make crime easier to control  when he is passed a disk of the event caught on tape by an outside party ( a nature observer played by  uh  jason lee ) . the government wants the disk  and is prepared to destroy his life to get it . as smith ', s plight is dramatized  we are introduced to the masterminds who surveillance him  sitting in vans disguised as other businesses  staring at computers and pulling out tricks faster than a speeding bullet . these guys ( played by jack black  jamie kennedy  and seth green ) are the most interesting part of this film because they ', re  well  fascinating : they ', re doing their jobs  which are evil  but the film doesn ', t view them as such  and they almost become our friends . we like these guys for the sole reason that the film doesn ', t automatically judge them as the villains . they ', re also scary because we get the idea that they ', re not fully aware of the impact their jobs have on the world . it ', s as if they ', re obsessed with their jobs  not because they ', re evil  but because  hey  it ', s a fun job  and no one else can do it like them . unfortunately  this also backfires a bit on the film : instead of being the flashlight in the darkened room that " the game " was  you see everything  and are thus not as freaked out because you know what is going on . sure  you ', re chilled  but you ', re not exacty freaked out by what ', s going on . but what do you expect from tony scott  the man who never met a five - second piece of film he ever liked . he ', s a not - bad director because  hell  he is always interesting to watch ( if not occasionally moronic - exhibit a : " days of thunder " )  but the reason he ', s not great is because he ', s too technical and calculated . his shots are perfectly executed  and leave nothing to the imagination  and they ', re always making sure you ', re paying attention . this is incredibly annoying  and it reduces " enemy of the state " to a mechanical mishmash of flashy images that never expand the mind at any great depths  but still manage to entertain without any real problems . despite never actually becoming great  it ', s never actually boring and it ', s always intriguing . watching the government set - up smith is endlessly fascinating  and since we care about smith ', s likeable protagonist  we are set - up for a good two hours worth of tom clancy - esque entertainment . add the best big cast this side of the annual woody allen film ( everyone from gabriel byrne to dan butler pop up for cameos )  and you ', ve got a good old fashioned escapist drama which does all the thinking for you so that you never have to actually question the debate over personal privacy and so you can follow will smith ', s plight without a minute ', s worth of boredom .
pos mary norton ', s children ', s book series  the borrowers  has been made into several below - average television movies . so  i wasn ', t too enthused as i entered the theater for the big - screen debut of the minute clan . but i was in for a shock  the borrowers is actually a thoroughly delightful movie with plenty of good laughs and even some decent special effects . the lender family is being thrown out of their longtime home . their aunt  who owned the property  never left a will . now  an unscrupulous lawyer  ocious potter ( john goodman ) plans to demolish the house and replace it with an ultra - modern housing development . but the lenders are not alone in their house . living under the floorboards is a family of borrowers  4 inch tall people who make their living as scavengers from the human " beans " above . the clock family of borrowers is as distressed as the lenders  especially once they discover the evil potter actually has a copy of the will which leaves the home to the lenders . so it is up to the clocks ( pod ( jim broadbent ) and homily ( celia imrie )  along with their kids  arrietty ( flora newbigin ) and peagreen ( tom felton ) ) to recover the will and save the household . but when potter learns of the tiny people  he enlists the skills of exterminator jeff ( mark williams ) to kill off the clan . there ', s plenty of attention to detail in the borrowers  especially in the furnishings of the clock family house  made out of lost board game parts and credit cards . the background details are nearly as rich as the entertaining story . the various predicaments of the clock family are clever and thrilling . based on an original story  the screenwriters did a good job at imagining all the potential and unusual perils that could exist for a 4 - inch tall person . as the villain  john goodman ', s performance veers on the edge of being over - the - top . but his performance suits the role well  and he does very well in the film ', s many slapstick moments . with a nearly seamless mix of oversized sets  bluescreen shots and cgi  the special effects in the borrowers are very well done . there are a few times when you can spot the effects at work  but none of them are so jarring that you lose the suspension of disbelief . hopefully the borrowers will surpass the curse of being labeled a children - only movie  for it is surprisingly entertaining and fun to watch .
pos touchstone pictures and spyglass entertainment presents a birnbaum / barber production in association with a jackie chan films limited production jackie chan owen wilson " shanghai noon " lucy liu music by randy edelman co producers ned dowd jules daly executive producer jackie chan willie chan and solon so produced by roger birnbaum gary barber and jonathan glickman written by alfred gough & miles millar directed by tom dey rated pg - 13 for mild language  adult situations  drug use  martial art action and violence . 107 minutes . super 35mm / panavision ( 2 . 35 : 1 ) what can you say about jackie chan that hasn ', t already been said . since the release of ', rumble in the bronx " back in 1996 ( the u . s . release )  jackie has become a fairly recognizable commodity on america ', s video shelves . having made over 80 films  jackie has finally succeeded in bringing his style of action - comedy to the west . his latest release  " shanghai noon "  is a joyful tribute / spoof of the classic western . and by adding jackie chan into the genre  the tag line for the film ( " the western gets a kick in the pants " ) rings true . jackie stars as chon wang  a lesser imperial guard in the forbidden city of china . the royal princess pei pei ( lucy liu ) is set to be married to the obnoxious son of a nobleman from another prefecture . unwilling to follow her father ', s wishes  princess pei pei with the assistance of her english tutor  decides to escape to america . but this is all a ploy devised by exiled guard lo fong  which will lead to the princess ', kidnapping and ransom . unable to take any legal action  the ransom demands are met and three of the forbidden city ', s bravest guards ( played by cui ya hi  rong guang yu  and eric chen ) are ordered to transport the ransom payment to lo fong in carson city  nevada . chon wang pleads with the imperial court and is given permission to join the team  as he is looked upon as a buffoon . on a train in the u . s . jackie meets up with bandit roy o ', bannon ( owen wilson ) . he is much less of a bandit than he is a glory hog  looking simple for the notoriety and fame that being a bandit will bring him . with his gang in tow  roy attempts to rob the train  when one of his gang murders the chinese interpreter of the royal court  who also happens to be chon wang ', s uncle . chon wang gives chase  foiling the attempted robbery  but also leaving himself stranded in the desert . as the disgraced guard wanders through the desert  he again comes upon roy  who has been left for dead by his former gang . buried up to his neck in the desert  roy pleads with chon to dig him out . chon demands to know where carson city is . roy directs him  and chon leaves . but not before sticking two chopsticks into roy ', s mouth and telling him to dig himself . chon soon finds himself confronted by angry crow warriors  a friendly sioux tribe  gunslingers  a horse that thinks and behaves like a dog and an indian bride ( brandon merrill )  before once again running into roy . " shanghai noon " is just good fun . the chemistry between the cast is remarkable . the performances are all acceptable within the whimsical levels of the film . jackie ', s performance is as good as anything he ', s done before . he ', s not called on to do much acting here  as the character is not written with any depth . but jackie ', s natural charisma shines through  and his comic timing is so perfect  both physically and ( surprise ) verbally that once again he commands the screen whenever he is on . owen wilson  last seen in the embarrassing remake of " the haunting "  gives a good natured performance as roy o ', bannon . his innocence is refreshing and fun . a bad guy that ', s not really bad . his scenes with jackie are some of the best bits of comic dueling since martin and lewis . lucy liu as princess pei pei is given little to do in the script  but for a change does not play a nymphet or some other deviant . the character is a noble woman of status and wealth  but finds a greater cause as a result of her own imprisonment . the rest of the performances are all broadly drawn comic performances . nothing here is realistic  mind you . " shanghai noon " is first and foremost a light  jovial film . and the performances match that style with ease . the cinematography by dan mindel is gorgeous . using calgary  alberta as the prime location . mr . mindel is able to create a lush  romantic western feel to the film . nothing here really looks like nevada  but the locations are so beautifully shot and staged  the film can be looked upon as a loving tribute to earlier films of the genre . and as such  the script by alfred gough and miles millar plays fast and loose with history  but with reverence to past films . homage to such films as " high noon " ( obviously )  " red river " and most notably " butch cassidy & the sundance kid " all bring a sense of nostalgia to the film . it is a comforting experience . at a time when the western is considered either old hat or irrelevant  here is a film that embraces those old attitudes and ( dare i say ) clich ? s and manages to make them palatable and refreshing . here is a film that is not contemptuous of the genre . this is the purest " horse opera " since the days of george o ', brian or john wayne . director tom dey has crafted a loving tribute to hollywood ', s past . in this  his first film mr . dey shows both a love of character and of craftsmanship that is refreshing to see . nothing here really stands out  or takes one ', s attention away from the story or action . and that is as it should be  when jackie chan is your star . and what of the action and stunts . well  while not up to a level of " drunken master 2 " or any of jackie ', s hong kong films  " shanghai noon " is miles ahead of anything jackie has done in an american film before . his timing  choreography  and creativity are still as sharp as ever . jackie even gets to recreate a few scenes from his earlier films ( obvious to those of us that have seen those films  but refreshingly fun for those unfamiliar ) . finally jackie can honestly say  that he has made an u . s .  his way and incorporating his style . to sum up  " shanghai noon " is a fun summer confection . not too heavy and not too light . a fun and entertaining film that the whole family can enjoy ( parents be advised there are scenes of smoking  drunkenness and peyote use ) . an enjoyable and charming film that can and will be enjoyed again and again .
pos the reunion film is not an original idea in any way  shape  or form . it ', s been done throughout film history over and over again  and has become one of the many sub - genres  like the prep school sub - genre  the angst - filled teen sub - genre  and the slasher sub - genre . what makes " peter ', s friends " so remarkable is not how it doesn ', t follow the rules of this sub - genre  but how it follows it so well  and creates characters that i wouldn ', t mind hanging with . what are the rules of the reunion sub - genre ? well . . . . 1 . you need a group of friends  most of them married or at least dating  and sometimes even married or dating eachother . 2 . you need to have them brought back together over some sort of a crisis . 3 . they are not to have spoken together much since they split apart . 4 . the reunion has to come in intervals divisible by 10 . 5 . they all have to be slightly to highly neurotic . 6 . the reunion has to bring them together  seperate them with little crises  then bring them back together because  after all  they ', re friends . 7 . there has to be some sex or at least some making out either between the friends or with other people that are there or were invited . 8 . eightly  they ', re all unhappy or marginally so . 9 . there ', s some sort of sexual tension amongst some of them that ', s built up over the years . 10 . the friends are all wildly successful in the world of entertainment and the arts  sometimes internationally so . 11 . the film is filled with nostalgic radio hits from the time when they were friends  sometimes causing them to get together in dance / song . since it follows these rules so closely  it will probably be ( and has been ) coined off as just a " british ', big chill . ', " and in some ways it is . both follow the rules  as i said  and both feature lots of bitching  big confessionals  and broken relationships . but while " the big chill " was  at least to me  a tad too whiny and unsatisfying  " peter ', s friends " hits its mark  making this film funny  dramatic  and poignant . the friends of peter ', s were all in the same theatre group back in ', 82  performig wildly outrageous british acts for people far too stuck up to enjoy them ( the opening scene has them all dancing in tux tops and tutus ) . after peter ', s ( stephen fry ) wealthy father ( richard briers  hardly on screen enough to register  but oh well ) dies  leaving a giant mansion to him  he has to decide whether or not to keep it . not sure what to do with it immeadiately  he decides to throw a giant reunion party  inviting back all his old chums . of course  all or most of his chums follow the tenth rule . andrew ( kenneth branagh  also directing here ) is an actor who ', s unhappily married to a tv star  carol ( co - writer rita rudner ) . maggie ( emma thompson ) is a successfuly publisher of self - help books  but looks like she needs them more than her customers  as she is lonely and unhappy . roger and mary ( hugh laurie and imelda staunton  who were also married in " sense and sensibility " ) are married  and are the most successful creators of jingles in the uk  but have suffered a tragedy as one of their newly born twins has recently died . and sarah ( alphonsia emmanuel ) is as promiscuous as ever  having a new boyfriend as of two weeks named brian ( tony slattery ) who ', s married and wants a divorce because of her  giving her doubts . as for peter  things seem okay . . . the film features lots of inner - friend jokes  and even some old theatre anecdotes ( which i at least find a lot of fun in  as i ', ve done lots of theatre myself ) . and there are big confessions  brawls between the friends  and by the end  almost everyone is unhappy  even though some have resolved their problems long before the end ( which i kinda dug ) . the final twist would seem forced an anti - climactic  but for some reason  i felt the same way the rest of the friends did . maybe it ', s because the people in this film are so likable that i just wanted to join their clique . that ', s really what makes " peter ', s friends " so lovable : the way you just want to hang with a group of friends who can be so dysfuntional sometimes  but when someone ', s in crisis  can come together wonderfully for one another . it ', s when you have a giant crisis like this and people want to selflessly help you out instead of subtely pushing you away that makes you realize you have true friends  and these people are true friends . not to mention kenneth branagh is able to make the film seem nostalgic for the 80s ( a decade i grew up in  unfortunately ) without taking us outside of the 90s . there are some 80s classics and anti - classics like tears for fears " everybody wants to rule the world  " but unfortunately no stupid / fun 80s songs ( i think if i ever did an 80s reunion film  i ', d put some crap go gos song on  or at least some good old " come on eileen " )  but this is the british 80s we ', re talking about . oh well . but anyway  the direction is pretty good  although nothing amazing . branagh ', s forte is really making shakespeare fresh and magical  but at least he ', s very good with making a less ambiguous film like this . the writing is good from rita rudner and martin bregman  with lots of good one - liners  and even some really bad but good puns ( to mock the fact that andrew lives in l . a .  peter  while cutting some logs  asks him is he has wood in l . a .  and andrew says  " no  but we have hollywood " - punishment like that ) . the actors  as in most speaking movies  are better than their material  though  with some stand - out performances to the six friends  as well as the outsiders like slattery  rudner  and phyllida law as the old housekeeper of the peter ', s mansion . a little note should be made about hugh laurie ', s performance  as he looks like he took some massive doses of prozac before doing this - i mean  i ', ve never seen him actually act this dramatically . " peter ', s friends " is a really enjoyable film which makes people like me pine for some sort of future reunion  although i don ', t know what kind i ', ll have ( like most people  i don ', t look forward to my high school reunion ) . because of the way these friends are still able to maintain the same amount of care they have for one another and after such a long period of seperation  i just look forward to the day when i can have friends like that .
pos once upon a time a solitary ogre named shrek ( mike myers ) was really annoyed to discover that his swamp had been invaded by three blind mice  seven dwarves and all the other fairy tale characters in the land  banished from their home by lord farquaad ( john lithgow ) . unwittingly befriended by a non - stop talking donkey ( eddie murphy )  shrek travels to dulloc to speak with farquaad  where he stumbles into a joust and comes up the winner . his prize ? to save princess fiona ( cameron diaz ) from a tower surrounded by molten flame and protected by a dragon so she can become farquaad ', s bride . the ogre agrees to the task in return for getting his solitary lifestyle back in " shrek . " it took four writers ( ted elliott and terry rossio ( " the road to el dorado " )  roger s . h . schulman ( " balto " ) and joe stillman ( " beavis and butthead do america " ) ) to adapt william steig ', s children ', s book . the bad news ? they ', ve genericized an already simple plotline while heavily under the influence of william goldman ', s " the princess bride . " the good news ? there ', s so much wacky humor culled from both fairy tales and popular culture that this movie should keep you in stitches . we get our first inkling that we ', re in for a real treat as one of farquaad ', s men  intent on rounding up magical creatures offers ', five schillings for the possessed boy ! ', after observing dreamworks ', rendition of disney ', s animated pinocchio . meanwhile within the castle walls  a gingerbread man being tortured by farquaad spits icing and yells ', eat me ! ', before breaking down and solemnly asking ', do you know the muffin man ? ', shrek  a green giant with bobbly antennae - like ears  is a grumpy recluse who really yearns to fit in ( although who could put up with his habit of making candles from his own ear wax ? ) . donkey is a hyperactive  endearingly stunted creature who can talk and  therefore  believes will make a great misfit pairing with the uncooperative shrek . donkey proves his worth sweet talking the princess - guarding dragon . the princess proves to be more than a shade offbeat after learning she ', s not getting the fairy tale issue rescue she ', s been expecting . when fiona ', s true colors are exposed ( including opportunies for some tomboyish gross out humor )  a spark develops between her and shrek . the script ', s details are gleefully impish  constantly poking fun at disney from the theme park world of farquaad ', s dulloc with its turnstyle entrance and ', it ', s a small world ', parody of an information booth to the blue bird which meets a most un - disneyish fate after duetting with fiona ', snow white ', style . popular culture is represented with film references to " babe " and " charlies ', angels " via " the matrix . " myers chooses his ', so i married an axe murderer ', scottish brogue for shrek in order to give his voice some heft . while this may prove distracting for anyone familiar with that film  overall it works more than not . eddie murphy steals the show as the fast - talking  motown - singing donkey  proving once again his talent as a vocal performer ( is it another wink at disney that donkey is paired with a dragon  a creature murphy portrayed in disney ', s ', mulan ? ', ) . lithgow ', s a good choice for the supercilious  height - challenged villain lord farquaad . diaz is energetic but ultimately nondescript voicing princess fiona . ( a better choice would have been minnie driver  who ', s proven herself a terrific vocal talent in such diverse animations as disney ', s " tarzan  " " princess mononoke " and the " south park " movie . ) the computer animation looks terrific ( particularly donkey )  although it won ', t elicit the types of oohs and aahs of pixar ', s work ( " toy story  " " a bug ', s life  " " toy story 2 " ) . in keeping with its hip style  pop music is used  which like myer ', s voice may be initially jarring  but ultimately satisfies ( while surveying bridal candidates via a ', dating game ', parody broadcast by snow white ', s evil queen ', s mirror  farquaad is told ', fiona likes pina coladas ', - cue jimmy buffet ! ) . " shrek " has good lessons for kids and humor targetted at every age group in the family . while it may be derivative of the 1987 ', s " the princess bride  " " shrek " addresses a new generation with similar sensibilities and doesn ', t suffer in the comparison .
pos some movies have such an impact that they linger in your mind long after the credits have rolled  making you think carefully and recollect on what you have just seen . i finished mike figgis ', " leaving las vegas " hours ago  and it is still as haunting as when i hit rewind on the vcr . alot of people refer to this film as " that flick where nick cage plays that alcoholic dude " . " leaving las vegas " is not so much a movie about alcoholism as it is a story about two people who except each other for what they are : a drunk and a whore . ben ( nicolas cage in possibly the best male performance of the past twenty years ) is the drunk . his family and friends have long since abandon him  and all he has left is his liquor . in a scene early in the film  we see ben staggering into a resteraunt  looking for a " friend " of his to mooch some money off of . he finds the guy ( richard lewis ) having dinner with a buddy and two chicks  trying to crack witty jokes that just come out stupid . when ben approaches the table  you can clearly sense that everyone immediatly feels uncomfortable . after lewis gives ben the money  he coldly says " i think it would be best if you didn ', t contact me again . " now even though through the course of the film  some much more depressing things happen  this is when i felt the most for ben . there was such a look of sorrow and dispare on his face  ( not to sound hokey or anything ) it almost brought a tear to my eye . it turns out that ben was once a semi - successful hollywood player  and apparently a pretty popular guy . now he spends his time getting robbed by hookers and trying desperatly to pick up women  not so much for the sex  but for the company ; for someone to talk to or spend time with . once he is fired from his job  ben decides to burn all his belongings  collect all his cash and relocate to las vegas to slowly drink himself to death . one night he runs into a prostitute ( a brilliant performance by elizabeth shue - how far she has come since " adventures in babysitting " ) named sera . she is involved in an abusive relationship with her pimp  a scumbag who gets - off by cutting her . they are both very lonely  self - destructive people . they immediatly hit it off  both of them realizing that they need one another . and it isn ', t even a sexual relationship . they don ', t even have sex until  like  the last ten minutes of the film . " leaving las vegas " is not a film about plot . with the exception of what i have already revealed ( which all happens in the first thirty minutes or so  by the way )  there isn ', t too much of a story to it . it is more a film about people and how they react to one another . from what i can see  this is basically a perfect film . the direction is great ( with mike figgis doing a brilliant mix between the glamor of las vegas and the moody  smokey atmosphere of a film noir ) and it contains two of the best performances to come out of the 90s  or any other decade for that matter . but don ', t go rushing out to see this movie without knowing what you ', re getting yourself into . first off  if you are easily offended by frank sexual dialouge  stay away from " leaving las vegas " . it is filled with lengthy discussions of orgasms  rape and various forms of perverted activities involving burbon ( that ', s right ) . secondly  if you are not in the mood to see a very depressing film  don ', t see it . however  if you are cool with those two things  you are in for one of the most memorable experiences you will ever have .
pos ` run lola run ',  a german import that gained a stellar reputation at the sundance film festival  is a dazzling and kinetic film that deals with the subjects of fate and chance . for a berserk and retroactive 81 minutes of non - stop movement  we follow a fiery - haired heroine named lola ( franka potente ) as she sprints to save her boyfriend from the clutches of drug dealers . lola has roughly twenty minutes to somehow retrieve 100  000 marks in time to save manni ( moritz bleibtreu ) from being killed by the dealer . but  in something of a pseudo - ` groundhog day ', approach  director tom tykwer gives lola three separate chances to best navigate her way toward the goal . in these trio of episodes  we gradually learn the unique effects of fate  for even if tiny changes are made in lola ', s journey  the future can be seriously altered . ` run lola run ', is an experience like ` fight club ', or ` the matrix ',  in that each film takes you through a super - charged wormhole of bending reality in surreal and exciting ways . in addition  all three movies have a visual style that separates them from the rest of the pack . ` lola ', is no exception  with stylish quick - flash camera work and cinematography that serves as scintillating eye candy from the get - go . tykwer ', s world is a landscape of mood and color  with brilliant shades of red and pink ( including lola ', s fiery hair ) used as effective symbolism throughout . with it ', s visual style and mind - blowing pace  ` run lola run ', is one of the more invigorating movies of the year . even more so when considering the fact it ', s all stuffed rather nonchalantly into an 81 - minute time period . as a heroine  potente does little more than run wildly through the streets ( as the title suggests )  but she has a certain flair and charisma . her exemplary running form made me wonder if she is actually a track star . meanwhile  bleibtreu does an equally fantastic job of bringing the dopey but passionate manni to life . both actors perform beyond the call of duty . the dazzling fun comes from predicting what each episode holds in store for lola  and the outcome is ultimately rewarding - several twists and turns are unique and unexpected . the other characters lola runs into ( both purposely and inadvertently ) include her banker father ( herbert kraup ) and a friendly security guard ( armin rohde )  but aside from the two leads  no one has more than a few minutes of screen time . additional stars that couldn ', t possibly be ignored are cinematographer frank griebe and editor mathilde bonnefroy  who are both responsible for the film ', s eye - catching visual elegance . ` run lola run ', is subtitled  so be prepared to meet the challenge of reading the lightning - fast dialogue - occasional sections of it are especially fast . this is only one of the minor chores involved in watching . the other is the sense that we never get to really recognize who the real people are in this hyperactive situation . most are just chess pieces in tykwer ', s elaborate game of visual presentation  and he never really makes a significant move with any . but  the average viewer is likely to be so absorbed in the action that few will realize the lack of potency in a few elements of the screenplay . a few petty gripes aside  this film is a wild  exhilarating ride that turns maniacally on its wheel of originality . most people believe foreign films are mainly boring  talky character studies . perhaps ` run lola run ', will recharge their batteries . not only does this film offer insight into some intriguing questions of fate and destiny  it also delivers a white - knuckle visual rollercoaster ride of overwhelming audacity . like how the experience must have been for the persistent title character  ` run lola run ', is exhausting .
pos in " the sweet hereafter  " writer / director atom egoyan takes us beyond the tragedy of death into the tragedy of living . he shows us how it isn ', t dying that hurts  but rather the pain of living in the hereafter of death  and dealing with the loss and grief that it brings . on a cold winter day in a small  isolated town in british columbia  a school bus full of children slides off the highway and onto a frozen lake  where it cracks through the ice and sinks . fourteen children die  and numerous others are hurt . for the residents of this small town  all of whose children were on that bus  it is an earth - shattering event that resolutely alters their lives . they have always relied on each other in the past to deal with heartache and pain  but it seems that this tragedy is more than they can handle . alberta and risa walker  who own a local motel and lost their child in the accident  hire an attorney named mitchell stephens ( ian holm ) to bring a lawsuit against someone  anyone for responsibility . the bus driver  dolores driscoll ( gabrielle rose )  is a kindly woman who loved the children and  although she lives with a burden of guilt  is not held responsible for the accident . the bus seems to have simply slipped on some ice  and there was nothing should could do to prevent it . however  according to stephens  there are no " accidents " in life  and someone will pay for this tragedy  whether that be the manufacturer of the bus or the guardrail the bus broke through . he goes through the town  approaching the parents who have lost children  asking them to join the class action suit and find vent for their anger . and  for his work  stephens will receive one - third of the settlement money . however  it is immediately apparent that stephens has little or no interest in the money . he is driven by something else  something deeper that he shares in common with the grieving parents . he has lost a child  too  but not in the same manner . his daughter  zoe ( caerthan banks )  who once almost died in his arms as a young child after a spider bite  has been in and out of drug re - hab clinics and detox stations for ten years . she calls him on an irregular basis  begging him for money  but refusing to tell him what she needs it for . " i don ', t know who i ', m taking to  " he tells her . in his mind  his daughter is dead . the lawsuit is  to stephens  not only a way to mend the town ', s pain  but also his own . however  not everyone in town wants it to happen . billy ansell ( bruce greenwood )  who was driving behind the bus when the accident happened and lost two children  wants nothing to do with it . he has already lost his wife  and he buries his grief in an affair with a married woman . he doesn ', t want to talk about the accident  and he sees the lawsuit as nothing more than the unnecessary opening of old wounds . to him  the town should be able to take care of its own pain  and it doesn ', t need outsiders like stephens getting in the way . central to " the sweet hereafter " is the tale of nicole burnell ( sarah polley )  a teenage girl who dreams of being a singer before the accident turned her into " a wheelchair girl  " as she puts it . aside from stephens  nicole is the most complex character in the film  and it is she who ultimately decides the fate of the town and how the lawsuit will turn out . it is also her sad  haunted voice that we often hear on the soundtrack  reading robert browning ', s poem about the pied piper  and how when he led all the town ', s children away  one was left behind because he was crippled . obviously  nicole is that child  and she feels somehow betrayed that the rest of the town ', s children left her alone by dying in the wreck . her situation is further complicated because she is involved in a loving  but incestuous relationship with her father ( tom mccamus ) . there is only one  fleeting scene that suggests this relationship  but it is somehow tied into the final act of the film . of all the storylines in " the sweet hereafter  " this is the most complicated and unresolved  although its implications stretch throughout the entirety of the film . egoyan knows that the kinds of questions he brings up have no simple answers -- if any at all -- and he doesn ', t condescend to the audience by trying to neatly wrap it up . what egoyan has done in " the sweet hereafter " is really nothing short of miraculous . in his adaptation of the novel by russell banks  he has made a deeply moving film about a lawyer by transcending the pettiness of law and driving headlong into the deeper meaning of what is loss  and how pitiful monetary and material possessions are when compared to human life . egoyan has always been a talented  but distant and cerebral filmmaker whose work suffered only in that it felt so cold . " the sweet hereafter " is quite the opposite ; egoyan ', s stylistic and narrative structures work brilliantly to heighten the impact of the natural emotion  and draw the audience into the tragedy . " the sweet hereafter " seems to contain the combined emotional impact that all his other films lacked . the film is filled with beautiful  subtle performances from all the actors  especially ian holm as the lawyer and sarah polley as the sad child who was left behind . the beautiful  roving camerawork by paul sarossy and the haunting  melodic musical score by mychael danna ( both previous egoyan collaborators ) give the film a visual and aural cohesiveness with the thematic elements . like his earlier films  egoyan weaves together multiple storylines that form a blanketing whole . he works with time as a fluid substance  shifting back and forth between the past  the distant past  and the present with effortless ease . the actual bus wreck itself doesn ', t happen until midway through the film  but by that time the event has built up so much emotion that egoyan can film it from a distance with no graphic detail  and still have it carry great  devastating weight . because human life has become such a cheap commodity in movies  it is astounding that egoyan can convey so much heartbreak in such simple  direct terms . certainly one of the best films of 1997  " the sweet hereafter " is a deeply rewarding  mystifying  and ultimately human film .
pos when i first heard about scream in 1996  i was told that it was a spoof of horror movies . from the master of the horror himself  wes craven  it ridiculed the cliches of the genre by overemphasizing them  by making the teenagers do what they know they ', re not supposed to do when a serial killer is stalking them ( don ', t run up the stairs when you can easily go out the front door  never say " i ', ll be right back  " etc . ) . when i first heard this description  i figured that it was an easy way out of making a bad movie . how hard is it to make an extremely terrible film but claim it is actually a mockery of other bad movies . was this wes craven ', s remedy from making " real " bad movies such as vampires in brooklyn ? it just seemed cheap to me . then i actually saw the movie and the first twenty minutes  involving drew barrymore and a nail - bitingly intense phone conversation  completely changed my attitude . scream is not only a clever parody of your standard horror flick  it ', s also a pretty scary movie . if you ', ve seen a million of these kinds of films  you know exactly what is going to happen . this is part of the fun of watching scream . the movie reminds avid horror fans how similar and repetitive the genre is and it also reminds them how great a guilty pleasure it can be to watch pointless and predictable violence to innocent  attractive teenagers . to those who rarely see these types of movies  scream is a thrilling unpredictable ride that could be mistaken as a serious slasher film . there ', s nothing wrong with that misjudgment though . i have witnessed viewers from both sides of the audience  the newbies to horror and the fanatics . their opinions on the film were so different but both very positive . from these varied reviews  i am convinced that scream has not only revived the teen horror movie and the normal teen romance movies but also the hilarious parodies of these and other categories . films that both deride and celebrate genres like galaxy quest and the big hit would not have existed  in my opinion  if it was not for the outstanding success of scream . the low - budget 1996 gem may  alongside pulp fiction  be the most influential film of the 1990 ', s . this influence may exist to the chagrin of some moviegoers who despise movies like teaching mrs . tingle or television programs such as dawson ', s creek but to others such as myself  we congratulate the movie that has opened new doors for excellent young actors  screenwriters  and directors . scream is also an extremely funny movie thanks to its quickly - paced script by kevin williamson . within the film are characters who tell other characters  as well as the audience  the basic rules and cliches of a horror movie . mainly from the rants of randy ( jamie kennedy ) and stu ( matthew lillard )  we are reminded not only of the obvious and hilarious rules but also some of the more subtle stereotypes that when thought over are mostly true as well ( the virgin always survives ; have sex and you ', re dead meat ) . not only are we treated these rules on a plate but also the rules are referenced to a number of different films and actors . the script feels like an obsessive essay from a college film geek who has nothing better to do but find every little blunder from every little film for his own self - satisfaction . in this case  williamson finds these errors for the audience ', s satisfaction and amusement . i hear there is a new movie coming out called scary movie which is a spoof of scream  which is a spoof of scary movies . i will certainly see the film but i have the feeling that this parody will be more obviously ridiculing the genre rather than scream ', s perfect subtlety . however my last gut feeling about this stuff  scream  was dead wrong . . . so who knows .
pos in present day hanoi  three sisters reflect on their parents ', relationship while trying to define their own in writer / director tran anh hung ', s ( " the scent of green papaya " ) " the vertical ray of the sun . " youngest sister lien ( tran nu yen - khe ) greets the day with hai ( ngo quanq hai )  the only brother whom she rooms and relentlessly flirts with . their morning ritual of tai chi and lou reed precedes crossing the street to eldest sister suong ', s ( nguyen nhu quynh ) cafe  where lien works  for breakfast . the three sisters lovingly prepare their mother ', s memorial banquet of traditional delicacies  prepared as much for look as taste  while giggling over the differences between the sexes . after the family breaks from the banquet  we learn that suong ', s young son ', little monkey ', is doted upon  but there ', s a distance developing with her husband quoc ( chu ngoc hung )  who ', s leaving for one of his habitual botanical photography trips . middle sister khanh ( tran manh cuong ) tells her writer husband she ', s pregnant before he leaves on a trip to saigon to research tuan  a mysterious man in his mother - in - law ', s past . lien keeps crawling into hai ', s bed at night  causing him to fall out of it . the initial serenity we witnessed starts turning into a soap opera before coming to full circle one month later  as the three women prepare their father ', s memorial banquet . " the vertical ray of the sun " is a contemplative piece where strong passions exist underneath calm exteriors . sly humor  self deceit and harsh truths all exist in the cyclic screenplay . tran anh hung and his cinematographer mark lee ping - bin ( " flowers of shanghai " ) linger over and repeat the small gestures of everyday life - a wife washes her husbands hands  a woman makes water dance in a bowl  a man pulls his lover to face him before they part . small spaces such as rooms  alleys and courtyards create intimacy . the color green  symbolizing life and tranquility  is used heavily in the film ', s visual styling  lapsing into yellowish hues and blues . writer / director tran anh hung ', s film recalls ang lee ', s " eat drink man woman  " another tale of three sisters of varying modernity coming together traditionally for a parent . but while lee ', s more traditionally story - driven film resulted in radical changes for all concerned  " the vertical ray of the sun ', s " characters strive for peaceful harmony . watching it is like trailing your fingertips in a stream on a cool spring day .
pos star wars : episode i - the phantom menace review a review by jamey hughton stars ) starring - liam neeson  ewan mcgregor  natalie portman and jake lloyd director - george lucas rated g with all the hype that star wars : episode 1 - the phantom menace has been receiving  it seems almost impossible to avoid interest in seeing the film . the movie is easily the most anticipated motion picture ever  with a marketing campaign so strong it has brought colonel sanders  the taco bell chihuahua and pizza hut together . can george lucas succeed yet again with transporting us back a long time ago  in a galaxy far  far away . . . . ? yes . this star wars prequel may be the worst of the bunch  with amateurish dialogue and an overall lack of humanity . but that doesn ', t mean it fails to comply on the basis of solid entertainment . the phantom menace features the most eye - catching  jaw - dropping visual look in cinematic history . the tremendous action sequences will have you clinging to your arm rest  and the special effects are nothing short of the best ( and most plentiful ) to ever be caught on film . the vast digitized worlds and sheer imagination that was applied to this project is astounding . the phantom menace is a delectable feast for the senses  even if it has some disappointing aspects . after we ', re treated to the famous prologue in the sky  with john williams ', thundering score  we meet qui - gon jonn ( liam neeson ) and young obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor )  a jedi master and his trainee ` padawan ', . they are on the ship accommodating the fleet headquarters for the evil trade federation  and have been sent to settle disputes regarding the taxation of trade routes to the planet of naboo . oh  but enough about that . the prime concern for this prequel is introducing young anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd ) into the picture . as you already know  this seemingly charming lad is the boy who will soon become darth vader . a spectacular pod race comes soon hereafter . this particular race is the most exciting  energetic  high - octane action sequence that you ', ll ever see . one of the delights of the series is meeting the newest set of strange alien creatures that lucas has devised  and the phantom menace is no exception . i loved sebulba  the rat - like scoundrel whom anakin has to face in the pod race  and boss nass  the leader of the gungans ( who are a neighbouring species to naboo ) . one character who has been subject to criticism is jar - jar binks  a member of the gungan race . jar - jar speaks like roger rabbit on a hallucinogenic drug  and is there for the sole purpose of supplying comic relief . yes  he is initially annoying  but i can admit to laughing over some of his harmless  goofy antics . there is some lack of dramatic pull in this star wars entry  but the presentation almost makes you forget the plot and character lapses . the final light - saber battle  between the jedi ', s and the horrific ( and terminally underused ) villain darth maul  is spectacular to behold . jabba the hutt  yoda  c - 3po and r2 - d2 have cameo appearances . lucas has not forget how to captivate an audience  even if his latest shows obvious signs of tiredness . one can only wonder what the possible technology will present for the next two installments  episode ', s i and ii . when they arrive  you ', ll know where to find me .
pos bob the happy bastard ', s quickie review : i must admit  no doubt ', s single " new " is quite catchy . it was bouncy and energetic enough to get me to go see this new film from director doug limon  the man who had brought us the humorous swingers a little while back . the result ? a movie that ', s just as good as that song  really . it follows the lives of several individuals over the course of one weekend . first we hear about a grocery bagger ( sara polley ) who runs into a monetary situation problem and ends up selling bogus drugs at a rave ( with bad results  as a drug dealer feels he ', s been swindled by her ) ; then comes the story of an english grocery store worker ( same store ) who heads to vegas for the weekend with friends  where sex  gunplay  and stolen car trouble come into play ; then we see the story of two gay movie actors ( played by scott wolf and jay mohr ) who deal with a cop ', s strange insurance presentation and hitting a girl ( sara ) with their car ; and  finally  we come to another grocery worker ( katie holmes ) who has a strange fascination with said drug dealer ( the one mentioned earlier ) . really  it ', s all confusing to keep track of in review format  your best bet is to just  well  go . the movie features some very good acting from all angles  and limon adds the same humorous energy he had with swingers to this particular product . the dialogue is pretty snappy and the resolution is pretty well realized  not going for the sappy happy ending nor the dreaded bad ending . think of it as a  well  ending . the intertwining of stories is a particularly good element to the movie  as it ', s never really confusing and tells different sides of the story  like sliding doors kinda did . however  it ', s better suited for the younger generation who want a little spice in their flicks  which sliding doors kinda isn ', t .
pos while watching " shallow grave  " i found myself periodically noticing thematic similarities to the coens ', " blood simple . " both are good films in which several characters  none of whom are the most conscientious to have walked the earth but still are not really evil  indulge in an act of deception that soon necessitates more serious crimes . the body count rises  and before long seemingly normal people have blood on their hands . both films are also flawed  but for different reasons . " blood simple " is unrelentingly dark and moody  but its characterizations were a little hollow . " shallow grave  " on the other hand  is nearly flawless for an hour and twenty minutes  and then the filmmakers throw away much of what they ', d accomplished for a more standard  audience - pleasing ending . the events of the film were sufficiently intense and disturbing that i honestly felt quite troubled by what i was witnessing on screen most of the time  yet there was a slight grin on my face at the end . as the film begins  we are introduced to alex ( ewan mcgregor )  juliet ( kerry fox )  and david ( christopher eccleston )  a scottish trio living in an apartment in glasgow . they are all sarcastic and occasionally obnoxious  but other than that they seem like a fairly normal bunch . a man named hugo moves into the apartment ', s remaining vacancy  and the next morning he is found dead of a drug overdose . juliet is about to call the police when alex discovers that hugo had brought with him a suitcase filled to the brim with cash ( presumably from criminal activities ) . the three eventually decide to keep the money and cover up the death ; after a drawing of straws  the particularly unenviable task of mutilating the body so as to make it unidentifiable and burying it falls to david  who had been the most reluctant to partake in the scheme from the beginning . all of this transpires in the first twenty minutes or so of the film  and part of what makes " shallow grave " so brilliant for a while is that i honestly had no idea what was coming next . other than the obvious question of why they don ', t report the death and simply hide the cash  which is not addressed  the plotting and characterization  while sometimes predictable  worked in a way that kept my attention and  on more than one occasion  gave me chills . i will  therefore  attempt to continue this review in a way that doesn ', t give away too much of the plot . broadly  the trio are in danger due to hugo ', s underworld connections  as two goons search for the money and kill several people in the process . a police inspector ( ken stott ) is clearly suspicious and visits the apartment  asking pointed questions and trying to unnerve the three suspects by exchanging banal and weirdly humorous bits of dialogue with a junior detective . david  meanwhile  becomes increasingly paranoid  moves into the attic  and develops an affinity for sharp objects . director danny boyle effectively creates an atmosphere of mounting tension and suspicion in the apartment  and finally the three seem ready to turn against each other . while i do not consider myself the " happy endings are automatically stupid " type  i thought that " shallow grave " really should have ended in tragedy - a realistic analysis of the story up to the last ten minutes of the film would indicate that all three characters were probably about to end up in prison  in the mental hospital  or in the morgue . this could have been accomplished  quite credibly  but then boyle and screenwriter john hodge seem to flinch and opt for a more conventional " caper " ending in which we get a kick out of seeing who outsmarted whom  and nothing more . granted  this isn ', t really a " happy " ending  but it ', s still pretty light - hearted compared to what preceded it . i really shouldn ', t say anything more about the ending as far as details go  but let me add that it seemed not only shallow and lazy but also inconsistent with the rest of the film and not very believable . yes  this ending made me crack a smile for a couple of minutes  but ultimately it left me feeling as if i ', d been cheated . still  " shallow grave " was brilliant most of the way through  and it does at least meet the minimum requirements for an entertaining thriller  and i am therefore awarding it three stars . i guess i just can ', t help but think about that fourth star that boyle and hodge let slip away .
pos since most movies about slavery shield us from the true horrors of what they ', re portraying  it ', s fitting to say that " beloved " come as a real shock as a film . it ', s confusing  bizarre  and as tough a film to watch as any film i ', ve seen all year  and that ', s not necessarily because of the three - hour running time . " beloved " is challenging to watch  filled with tough and powerful poetry that takes us completely off guard  and instead of a straight - forward  hollywood - ized story about what happened to the slaves after they were freed  " beloved " comes off as a cry of anguish from all those who actually lived through what happened ( or  rather  toni morrison  who wrote the novel upon which this is based ) . " beloved " tells the story of an ex - slave named sethe  played by oprah winfrey  who lives on a large farm in the north with her children . when the film opens  her house is being terrorized by a poltergeist  which shakes things up  wounds the dog  and makes things generally uncomfortable for the family . sethe is proud  though  and will not move . her sons run away  leaving only her and her daughter  denver ( kimberly elise ) alone with the ghost which is there without any factual explanation . a couple years pass  and the ghost remains  and one day  a man named paul d ( danny glover )  another ex - slave who knew sethe years ago when they worked on a plantation together  arrives  asking for lodging . he has been wandering around since he left the plantation  and when he enters the house  it turns red and becomes incredibly hot . when he remarks about what he thinks is evil  sethe replies " it ain ', t evil . it ', s just sad . " some more time passes  and paul d has become a fervent member of the household  and the ghost disappears . but when they return one day from going out  they discover a young woman sitting in the house . her name is beloved  and as played by thandie newton  she has almost zero motor skills . she stumbles around  half - grabbing onto things and knocking them over  and when she speaks  she lets out a low guttural sound that eventually turns into baby talk . they let her into her house  and she begins to turn things upside down . " beloved " acts like an incredibly difficult chamber drama paired with a ghost story . most of the scenes consist of people arguing in one claustrophobic  low - lit room  with the occasional flash to the past  where we see images of such horror that we thank god for modern - day psychoanalysts . sethe and paul d have lived through such hellish times that they are forever implanted with the memories of their slavehood on the old plantation  which includes such images as sethe being raped by the white plantation hands  with her nipples being licked  prompting her to cry out to paul d when reminiscing about it  " they took my milk ! " worst of all was the month after her freedom  when she was allowed to live like a free person  working with other blacks on a farm  and then seeing that her old plantation owners have arrived to presumedly take her and her children back . she runs to the barn near by  carrying her four children  and when her old owners burst in  they discover she has murdered one of them and is ready to murder the rest of them if they don ', t leave them alone . when she is inquired about this moment by paul d in a moment halfway through the film  she says she doesn ', t regret it . she killed her daughter so that she would not have to live through the horror she did  and she has convinced herself she did the right thing . of course  beloved is really her daugher materialized  though we aren ', t flat out told that until later on in the film . beloved represents the pain and suffering the slaves went through and shows how difficult it was for them to deal with their freedom after being tortured for so long . thus  " beloved " becomes a sorta - redux of the andrei tarkofsky sci - fi classic  " solaris  " where a cosmonaut discovers that his wife  who commited suicide years before  has materialized when he is orbiting over a planet with a complex brain system . that film spoke volumes about humanity and our memories  how we are constantly regretting what happened in the past  and when if it ever literally came back to haunt us  it would control us completely . " beloved " moves along freely  without a lot of explanation  and for the most part  this is extremely respectable . the most interesting films are the ones that don ', t explain everything for us  leaving gaps in the characters that we are supposed to fill in with how they act in the present tense . sethe is never fully explained as a character  but we understand all her actions since she ', s being played by oprah winfrey . it ', s been well over a decade since her last major performance in " the color purple  " but judging from these two films  i ', ll bet she ', s one of the best actresses working today . . . if she was strictly an actress . her talk show  which i suppose is a great entity  has prevented her from becoming a noteworthy actress  and that ', s a shame because she brings so much to this movie . emotion . sadness . strength . watching the strong sethe  who ', s so afraid of the past that she ', s built a rather strong protective coating around herself  break down when she discovers who beloved really is is what makes this movie really great . she makes it real . that ', s not to say this is a perfect film . in fact  i ', d wager to say that the fact that it ', s confusing and painful to watch is what prevents this from being the truly great film it is . while oprah ', s performance is powerful and easily sympathetic ( and i ', m dying to see her win at least an oscar nomination this february )  the structure of the film  which doesn ', t show what happened to her children till halfway through the film  prevents us from really making a cohesive connection to the film . it doesn ', t necessarily move as though they ', re memories of one particular character  and by the end  it has lost control over sethe  and as she takes to bed  we are unable to truly identify with her anymore . but despite its tediousness  perhaps that ', s the point . the distancing by the end of the film may be just part of the way it has been built from the start  since they figure she has crossed over from being identifiable  and it needs to get back with reality . and for the most part  this film seems like the cry of pain from the slaves that it really wants to be . jonathan demme ', s direction is bizarre  in nature with the story  and he creates the right mood  making it a tough film to sit through  making sure that the audience feels as uncomfortable as the characters . there ', s more to admire here  like the way that the flashbacks pop up freely and without real organization  just like they would be in real life ; and the way that the ending leaves it somewhat open to more pain and suffering  but laced with a touch of optimism . the acting  not only from winfrey  is amazing  and i anticipate not only she will get an oscar nomination . everyone has been raving about thandie newton ', s performance  and how it should be rewarded . however  it must be noted that out of everyone  she had the easiest part . act like a baby . throw things . stumble around . chew food with your mouth open . i do think there ', s another performance worthy of oscar conisderation  but it ', s kimberly elise  as the daugher who has to stay sensible and sane  and has to carry the burden of her mother ', s loss of reality towards the end . it ', s not that newton isn ', t great : she ', s as annoying and wacky as the role demands . it ', s just that elise has the tougher job and pulls it off even better . despite the fact that this film has winfrey written all over it  and not that of writer morrison or director demme  " beloved " has still not done well . costing  i think  around ninety million dollars  it has since grossed about twenty - two . unfortunately  this film is a little too intense for viewers  even for me  and i can stand almost anything ( i recently viewed the 2 1 / 2 hour long epic " caligula  " the worst film i have ever seen in my life  and did it in a mere 2 sittings ) . although i respect " beloved  " i can ', t say that i really enjoyed it .
pos usually a movie is about something more than a soiled rug  but not the big lebowski . the new offering from the creators of 1996 ', s critical hit fargo  is to say the least  wildly entertaining . originality has always been a strong trait in the coen brother ', s movies  and the big lebowski is insanely original . it begins oddly enough when jeff " the dude " lebowski ( jeff bridges ) is mistaken for a millionaire  jeff " the big " lebowski ( david huddleston )  who ', s wife  bunny ( tara reid ) owes money all over town . two goons  out to collect on bunny ', s debt break into dude ', s house . they attempt to collect the money that bunny owes them and one of them urinates on his rug . the next day dude explains his situation to his bowling team ( steve buscemi & john goodman  respectively . ) he is advised to go to the big lebowski and get him to pay for the defiled rug . he does this  and shortly after gets tied up in a kidnapping caper . this is a extremely funny movie with lots of belly laugh moments . the coen brothers have assembled a great cast that play off each other perfectly . also several great supporting roles  john turturro as a child molesting bowler named jesus . the coen ', s script plays off perfectly and it all goes together to make it extremely entertaining . i doubt this movie will be nearly as popular as fargo  but its off the wall moments make it so far the best of 1998 . if you like anything else the coen brothers have done you will love this one  if not they give this one a try its a little different .
pos with the opening scene of a young couple in a van pulling up  loading their guns  kissing each other and uttering what sounds like " rock and roll ! " ( actually  it ', s " lock and load " )  you can ', t help thinking tarantino . and of course with its storyline of a crazy girl and boy in love who turn to violent bank robbery  the film unapologetically takes its place alongside all those other films from bonnie & clyde to natural born killers . but if most of those movies have their roots in pulp fiction  exploring a modern myth of the doomed rebels on the run  normal life takes a much more psychologically realistic look at the phenomenon . " inspired by true events " -- we ', ve heard that one before  and yet in no other tale of violent couples has it seemed so solidly demonstrated . . . or so strangely poignant . for this is a story of real people whose lives take on a steadily unreal quality  who in their search for a normal life find themselves increasingly unhinged . beginning with their final arrest  the film goes back to trace the relationship between chris ( luke perry )  a policeman  and pam ( ashley judd )  a factory worker . they fall in love and marry  but pam ', s increasingly erratic behaviour ( going on spending sprees  slashing herself with a knife after an argument ) begin to trouble the solid and stable chris . when chris gets sacked  they find themselves heavily in debt and near breaking up . then  chris begins to rob banks . . . luke perry accomplishes the not - inconsiderable feat of making us nearly forget that he was ever in beverly hills 90210 or buffy the vampire slayer . moustached  with a tough paternal look and yet a voice and eyes that suggest sadness verging on exasperation  he is perfectly cast as the long - suffering husband . ( it ', s another of john mcnaughton ', s coups of casting - against - type  after transforming robert de niro into nerd and bill murray into gangster in mad dog and glory ) . but it is the character of pam who commands centrestage  and ashley judd rises to the challenge with great alternating currents of ferocity and tenderness  making pam into a fascinating yet often infuriating person . if the performance falls short of greatness  however  it is perhaps because the role of the mad woman has been done so often before it is virtually a staple of cinema  whether it ', s in betty blue  tom & viv or georgia . as in those movies  there ', s the danger that the performance seems mannered  a collection of screwy tics and tantrums designed for the oscar presentation piece . judd doesn ', t entirely avoid this pitfall  but pam ', s ', craziness ', is best and most movingly presented in counterpoint to the more ', normal ', chris . when pam reacts to her father - in - law ', s death by showing up at the funeral in rollerblades and blaring headphones  chris ', face is the picture of pained restraint . of course  it ', s the question of what is ', normal ', that is asked in normal life . mcnaughton constantly offers up the ironies of the aspirations for the average domestic life and its kinship with insanity . it is the rational chris that loves guns ( " shooting is about precision  control " ) and the ', crazy ', pam that loves astronomy and yearns for a dog ( who is then called chaos -- " chaos and you and me . . . we ', re a real family "  she notes wryly ) . it is chris ', methodical mind and his knowledge of police procedure that allows him to be such a successful bank robber ( his well - planned disguise as a bearded  roaring man of terror is another piece of method in madness ) . in the carpark where he sets out for his first robbery  a huge sign on a shopping mall stands out in the background : " buy - more " -- the perfectly respectable consumption - crazy american dream that has driven pam to her extravagant purchases  and both of them into desperate situations . it ', s not a perfect film . some of the dialogue is a touch too banal ( perhaps intentionally ? ) . the use of the punk hardcore soundtrack in pam ', s crazed scenes comes rather too close to making emotional disturbance seem glamourous and sexy an image which only detracts from the rest of the film . indeed  as in mcnaughton ', s seminal film henry : portrait of a serial killer  it is the avoidance of glamour or sensationalism  the denial of some of the standard thrills of the outlaw film genre  that gives this determinedly unflashy  moving film its great strengths . mcnaughton has filmed this story with a quiet  coolly ', realistic ', method that works far better than any nbk theatrics at unsettling the viewer . the suburbs  with their miles of white - fenced houses and identikit malls  take on a sense of claustrophobic blankness . in its very different way  this makes for as haunting a backdrop as the wide open spaces in terence malick ', s badlands . while pam shares the yearnings of malick ', s heroes to escape from ordinary life  chris takes up crime precisely so that they can lead a ', normal life ', - their little house on the suburbs is financed by his violent robberies . but these are dreams defined by  constrained by  and even doomed by  the limitations of the ', normal ',  conventional world . pam ', s final scene takes place at the edge of the suburbs  where wild bushes grow -- symbolically the frontier  the outer limits of her society  but also quite literally the end of the road  where there is nowhere left to go but to the final tragic denouement . the flying inkpot ', s rating system : * wait for the video . * * a little creaky  but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good  bring a friend . * * * * amazing  potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice .
pos it ', s not often that i laugh so hard at a movie that my head hurts . but that ', s just what happened to me at uhf  weird al yankovic ', s big screen debut . uhf is a television parody a la airplane  and like airplane  the movie is extraordinarily stupid . but it ', s dumb in the best way a movie can be dumb : it ', s so silly and outrageous it ', s hilarious . the movie stars weird al as george newman  a world class nerd with a hyperactive imagination  the type who fantasizes he ', s indiana jones and who uses hostess twinkies as hot dog buns . george is basically a loser ; his daydreams and smart - alec attitude perpetually prevent him from holding onto a job for more than two weeks . but george finally gets a chance to funnel his creativity into something productive when his uncle wins channel 62 in a poker game and makes him the general manager of the struggling uhf television station . george revives channel 62 with innovative programming : shows like " wheel of fish " and movies like " conan  the librarian . " as the station ', s ratings rise  it comes into competition with channel 8  the leading vhf network - affiliate . as r . j . fletcher -- channel 8 ', s ill - natured  hard - nosed owner -- veteran stage and film actor kevin mccarthy is flamboyantly sleazy ; he really hams it up with his snorts  grimaces  and scowls . uhf satirizes anything and everything to do with television  including game shows  tabloid talk shows  children ', s shows  dizzy news women  and movies -- everything from rambo to close encounters . the funniest scene  the one that made my head spin  is a commercial for spatulas which has to be seen to be believed . like most movies in its genre  uhf is hit or miss . for every gag that works  at least one fizzles . for instance  weird al ', s mock video of " money for nothing " by dire straits is only mildly amusing and brings the film to a grinding halt ( although it does have some nifty computer animation ) . but the funniest bits in uhf are so hysterical that we can forgive the ones that fail ; we know another gut wrencher is on the way . in fact  uhf hits the mark often enough to make it the most effective airplane - type movie since . . . well  since airplane . much of the credit goes to weird al ', s exceptionally inventive script and to the movie ', s winsome cast . weird al seems a little stiff at the beginning  but because he ', s not afraid to look silly  he ultimately has a lot of fun with his character . the real standout is michael richards as stanley  the dim - witted janitor who becomes the host of his own children ', s show : " stanley spadowski ', s playhouse . " stanley ', s off - beat  mixed - up personality is a big hit with the audience and makes him an over - night star . he is an endearing mixture of good - natured innocence  high - energy enthusiasm  and puppy - dog cuteness . and above all  he ', s a good janitor who adores his work . another highlight is a vintage cameo by the incomparable emo philips . the cast also features gedde watanabe ( the chinese foreign - exchange student in sixteen candles ) as the karate master who hosts the hit series  " wheel of fish . " also aboard for the ride is fran drescher  who plays pamela finklestein  channel 62 ', s roving reporter . unfortunately  as weird al ', s girlfriend  victoria jackson is wasted in a role that calls for nothing but whimpering  whining  and sulking . her character is extraneous and should have been either further integrated into the story or cut from the script altogether . while uhf is not an absolute must - see  it ', s definitely the ticket if you ', re looking for a wild and zany  whacked - out comedy . the movie is good enough to see in the theaters  but it may work even better on television  the very medium at which it pokes fun .
pos it ', s hard not to recommend " the others . " the supernatural thriller  written and directed by alejandro amen ? bar ( " open your eyes " )  adroitly establishes and maintains a low - key atmosphere of menace . the cinematography  by javier aguirresarobe  is as good as i have ever seen and nicole kidman gives another in her growing body of fine performances . but the pacing of the story moves from deliberate to downright sluggish and the payoff of the tale left me less than satisfied . overall  the film plays like a very high quality version of any number of old " twilight zone " episodes where the characters spend a great deal of time wandering about looking afraid and disoriented  only to learn they are actually a child ', s toy  a military test subject or a department store dummy . watching those vintage shows and listening to the players chatter  i always wanted to shout  " get on with it ! " as much as i appreciated the atmosphere and acting in " the others  " my reaction was much the same . set at an island mansion off the coast of england during world war ii  the story focuses on grace ( kidman )  who tends to her children anne ( alakina mann ) and nicholas ( james bentley ) and worries about her husband  charles ( christopher eccleston )  a missing serviceman . anne and nicholas suffer from photosensitivity and grace patrols the estate with the keys to all 50 doors  protecting the little ones from excess light by making sure that only one door is open at a time . at the beginning of the film  three servants  mrs . mills ( fionnula flanagan )  young  mute lydia ( elaine cassidy )  and mr . tuttle ( eric sykes )  an aging gardener  join the family . the two that speak seem agreeable enough at first  but it soon becomes apparent that they know something that grace does not . to make matters worse  the children are upset : nicholas is unusually jittery and anne claims to be seeing ghosts . grace attempts to blame the troubles on the new arrivals to her home  only to realize that whatever is happening is beyond them . that ', s essentially the whole story  with the tension growing until the pivotal moment when everything becomes clear . earlier  there is an outstanding scene where grace darts outside  only to be enveloped in fold after fold of shimmering fog . the visuals in the otherworldly sequence  courtesy of aguirresarobe  are simply astounding . i also enjoyed the presence of religion  a rarity in films dealing with the supernatural . grace is a christian and answers her children ', s questions about life and death with the assurance of a devout worshiper . when mother is away  though  the kids speculate whether her statements are fact or folklore  just as real children do . but those nice touches fail to enliven a film that is too slow or make up for a lackluster ending . " the others " sets out to be a classic ghost story  but fails to grasp that special something that makes such films more than layers of mist .
pos " a private matter " is based on the true story of sherri finkbine and the events in her life during the 1960s . after becoming pregnant ( for the fifth time ) she learns that some tranquilizers she had taken have seriously deformed her unborn child . she and her husband decide  with the help of her doctor  to have an abortion . but this is the 1960s  and abortion is illegal . her doctor has made arrangements to have the procedure performed withing the law  by claiming that the child is endangering the mother ', s life . everything is about to work out just fine  until sherri has the uncontrollable urge to talk about her situation with a local reporter . this sets off a media frenzy and immediately sherri is the most hated woman in the world . she and her husband are fired from their jobs  reporters are surrounding their home at all times  and most importantly  no one in the country ( and eventually other countries ) will perform the abortion . this causes emotion problems for all involved . " a private matter " is a fascinating story and it ', s hard to believe that this only happened 30 years or so ago . it ', s only flaw is that not once is there ever a satisfactory confrontation with sherri and any of her opponents . one woman passing her on the street telss her to burn in hell  and when sherri appropriately yells back  " just tell me what i ', m supposed to do  " the woman has no answer . no one apparently had an answer  they just wanted to control what should have been only the choice of sherri and her husband . this is an important film  telling an important story . it ', s not just about not wanting another child  it ', s about not wanting a child who will cause severe changes in their family  none of which could be beneficial . sydney pollack served as executive producer for this made for hbo movie .
pos director jan de bont certainly knows how to make top quality action films . you need look no further than die hard ( he was director of photography )  speed and last years twister for examples of his hi - octane  edge of your seat thrill prowess . speed 2 is no exception . this time  the action takes place on a huge cruise liner  on which sandra bullock and jason patrick are trying to develop their relationship . yep  that ', s right  no keanu reeves this time  but fear not  jason patrick is more than up to the job . speaking of which  the job at hand is to stop completely bonkers terrorist  willem dafoe  from crashing the liner into a huge island  after stealing a diamond collection . the reason for this act of destruction is revenge . after years of working for the company that builds cruise liner computers  he contracts copper poisoning and is retired . naturally  what entails next is a lot of running / jumping about and general high quality action as jason patrick does his level best to save the day . thinking back on this film  you can ', t help  but admire it ', s structure . the way  willem dafoe initiates his plan and throws red herrings to the crew and passengers . the race against time to save the liner from crashing  and of course  the finale chase scence . ( although this is ruined by an over the top  one too many stunt and explosion . ) simple in construction  effective in it ', s execution  and the result  a clear and concise  highly enjoyable action film . the acting is adequate  although it ', s darned obvious that sandra bullock is only in it to create a ', hot totty ', appeal to the men ( and she does that perfectly ! )  jason patrick fills the action hero role superbly and willem dafoe is just great as the crazed terrorist . overall  speed 2 is a most enjoyable thrill ride . not up to it ', s predecessor ', s high calibre but very good all the same . there is plenty going on  some of the thrills are quite tense and it also proves that you do not need blood and guts to make a good action movie .
pos after indecent proposal and up close and personal  redford was wise to direct himself in a picture at last . redford may look great on - screen  but over the past few years  he ', s proven himself a bigger talent behind the camera . ordinary people is one of the best films of the nineteen - eighties  and it was the first picture he helmed . while the milagro beanfield war was only occasionally successful at combining magic - realism with . . . um  realism  and i ', ve never been much of a fan of a river runs through it ( to the chagrin of many )  quiz show was dazzling  energetic and convincing . the horse whisperer represents both his directorial return to nature films and the first time in that sub - genre redford seems equally concerned with humans and scenery . scott - thomas plays annie maclean  an uptight but respected new york magazine editor whose daughter grace ( johanssen ) loses a leg and a good friend when an early morning ride climaxes with their horses colliding with a semi . grace ', s horse survived  but barely  and has gone mad . annie refuses to put the animal out of his misery  believing that if the horse heals it will mend grace ', s newly - broken spirit . eventually  mother and daughter travel alone to montana to be with tom booker ( redford )  a famed " horse whisperer " who has a gift of calming horses with simple looks and touches  leaving busy husband neill behind . eventually  they move onto the booker ranch with the rest of tom ', s family  and annie finds herself falling in love with all things montana  including  naturally  tom  the wise and lonely trainer . the horse whisperer is delicately made . i dare say lyrical  since to many people ', s ear  that word is synonymous with boring . hardly . the horse whisperer has little to offer in the way of surprise  but it does have an honesty that is refreshing and consistently enjoyable to watch  especially in the final third of the story . scott - thomas and johanssen seem like mother and daughter  and you have no doubt believing that the mountain vistas would put these new yorkers under a spell  especially since d . p . robert richardson ', s photography casts montana as heaven on earth . ( a gimmicky but effective technique the filmmakers employ is a switch in aspect ratio from squarish to widescreen when the central location shifts from new york to montana . ) the underrated sam neill turns in perhaps his most heartfelt  emotive performance as the nice - guy husband  who is as authoritive and likeable as tom . he is indeed a refreshing change from the sexist  lout of a husband so many writers resort to as a short - cut for explaining away the cheating spouse ', s motivation . unfortunately  one of the horse whisperer ', s only flaws is the chemistry between would - be lovers scott - thomas and redford . i liked both of them  but i didn ', t necessarily believe that redford would fall for such a cold fish  even if the countryside air thawed her slightly . luckily ( and curiously )  this is such a rich and textured movie that it doesn ', t quite matter - their adultery seems like an afterthought  the obligatory sub - plot that ties many of the characters ', complex relationships together .
pos sam ( matthew broderick ) is an astronomer in a small american town and engaged to teacher linda ( kelly preston ) . he is head over heels in love and lindas sudden departure to new york city to live with her new lover anton ( tch ? ky karyo ) comes as a complete surprise to him . but as we all know love is blind and so sam leaves for new york as well to win her back . he moves into an abandoned house across the street from anton ', s apartment and installs a camera obscura to watch them . suddenly anton ', s ex maggie shows up  but she does not want her former lover back . on the contrary  all she wants to do is vaporize him . she may say that she doesn ', t want to kill him  but the possibility doesn ', t bother her too much either . after all  people die every day . in spite of their different motives the two team up and fall for each other as things move on . the story sounds like something we all have seen a million times . but we haven ', t . griffin dunne brings us the most charming comedy since " while you where sleeping " . the camera obscura adds a " special something " to the movie and makes it an exceptional romantic comedy . everything about the movie is perfect  from set design to casting . the dialogues are inspired and the touches of black humor add a certain bite . meg ryan  known from " when harry met sally " or " sleepless in seattle "  surprises in a role that may finally help her get rid of her sweet little girl image . she impresses the viewer as a maneating biker girl . even more surprising is the fact that the viewer believes her  much more so than in last years " courage under fire " where she played a gulf war pilot . matthew broderick is the goodnatured and somewhat naive sam who has trouble accepting reality . the viewer can tell that he doesn ', t only watch the stars but also tries to reach out for them . he has trouble keeping in touch with reality . after all  who would leave everything behind to chase a lost love ? his naivet ? that we don ', t question for a minute throughout the movie clashes with maggies exaggerated wish for revenge . she would do anything to harm anton . she doesn ', t hesitate to use sam for her plan and makes him understand right from the beginning that nothing will happen between the two of them . that makes the scenes when they innocently share a bed  have potatoe chips and watch the action across the street like a saturday night show on tv even funnier . tch ? ky karyo is perfect as anton . he is  well  repulsive . that ', s all there is to say about him . you can ', t really manage to pity him  even after all his mishaps . he not only took sam ', s bride away from him  he is also a french chef . worlds collide  i . e . the usa and france . this can only go wrong . even if maggies revenge schemes are at times shocking  you just can ', t sympathize with a man who plays " je t ', aime . . . moi non plus " on his tape deck . not everyone is captured by the french charme that linda and even maggie fell for . sam certainly isn ', t . too bad for anton . for him things take a turn to the worse . " addicted to love " is one of this year ', s most pleasant surprises .
pos copyright 1996 graeme huggan carry on henry is all about henry viii and his eight wives ! sid james plays henry  who no sooner has the film started  is getting rid of his present queen and hopes to find another one soon . as part of his alliance with france  he requests the hand - in - marriage to the queen of normandy ( joan sims ) . she comes to england in the hope of marrying henry but when he finds out that she loves garlic and has a reeking garlic breath  he is totally averse to the idea of marriage . henry ', s court is very corrupt  with the cardinal ( terry scott ) trying to bribe cromwell ( kenneth williams ) and cromwell trying to bribe the king . there is a state of crisis when the king puts marie the queen ( sims ) in the tower of london ready for execution . the queen is pregnant but she has not liased with the king before  so fingers are pointed at sir roger de lodgerley played by charles hawtrey  who has a rather lecherous character to play this time . the cardinal and cromwell decide to get a signed confession from sir roger by using all kinds of torture devices ! owing to circumstances  sir roger is sometimes needed to sign that he is the father and sometimes that he isn ', t . this is because of renewed threats by the king of france ( peter gilmore ) to come over himself  which in the end he does . by then  henry has found himself a new queen  played by none other than barbara windsor ! it looks like he has some explaining to do ! there are stand - out performances by sid james as henry  joan sims as marie  and terry scott in an unusual role as the cardinal . also there are cameos from kenneth connor and peter butterworth  who plays barbara ', s father . the set and costume design is first class and the overall production of this film is good . there is even an early appearance from david prowse  who later became the green cross code man and darth vader . the film does have it ', s downsides though  as it is getting pretty routine for the carry - on team to stage historical films and the inventive streak of the script seems to run out pretty quickly . there is also the absence of hattie jacques and bernard bresslaw  who could have helped the film along . however  overall the film is funny and there are plenty of laughs and saucy jokes  so that is why i mainly recommend it to carry on fans only  but there is enough humour in the film to make it worth anyone ', s while to sit down and watch it .
pos this " dumb " cowboy blondie who thinks he is a ` darn ', good loverboy  decides to leave his dusty ol ', town somewhere in texas and go to new york . he puts on his beloved cowboy attire and off he hops on the next new york coach . when he arrives to new york  he immediately sets out to play mr playboy thinking he is the best ` darn ', ` stud ', in the whol ', o ', new york city . obviously he fails . he meets the ', cripple ', rico ( dustin hoffman  who is terrifically good ) in a bar . rico has a leg that is paralysed from the knee down  so he walks in a peculiar way . rico is a thief and wants to get some money off this ', rich ', dumb cowboy . he cheats our cowboy out of $ 20 through a somewhat detailed routine and disappears . soon  our cowboy runs out of money : he gets kicked out of his hotel  and starts getting hungry . walking through the city  with " everybody ', s talkin ', " playing in the background ( oh  and his prided techno transistor radio in hand )  he spots rico in a cafe . rico  half - scared  pours out all the money in his pocket . 60 filthy cents . our cowboy  hungry  is forgiving . he is glad he found someone he knows . rico offers to make it up for him . and he invites him to his place . and what a filthy  cold place it is . our cowboy falls asleep instantly in the ( junk ) bed . when he finally wakes ( jumps ? ) up  he finds rico looking at him . " you wanna cup ', a ', coffee ? " rico asks in his friendly  sleazy  somewhat - childish manner while he smokes on a ciggy . " what ', re you ? a goddamn faggot ? what do you want from me ? where are my shoes ? what did you do to them ? " but all his doubts turn out to be unfounded . rico really has a heart . together  they live in the junk apartment and almost freeze to death . rico is convinced that the best place to be is florida  where the sun shines beautifully and there are lots of coconut trees . but he falls sick and is convinced that his cure is to go to florida . " we will soon be in miami " is the last sentence uttered in this film and what a shocking  moving end of a film it is . the classic theme music : " midnight cowboy " helps bring about the feeling of attachment that most viewers will experience towards the end of the film . whether the attachment is to the two main characters or to their dreams  is probably as debatable as whether it was the acting or the direction that makes this film so memorable .
pos playwright tom stoppard and screenwriter marc norman took on an astonishingly difficult task : they wanted to write a script about william shakespeare that parallels shakespeare ', s works . they also wanted to poke fun at the way all of us envision shakespeare : i mean  really  who doesn ', t think of shakespeare as a guy seething with so much passion that he can barely write a play without exploding into a passionate  introspective verbal couplet of iambic pentameter ? stoppard and norman are men who love shakespeare  and they wanted to make a movie for everyone else who loves shakespeare . and  despite the difficulty of their task  they have succeeded . shakespeare in love is one of the smartest  funniest  most touching films of the year . it ', s so rare that a picture with such high aspirations succeeds in all of its endeavors  but here we have a movie that defines success : it is at once charmingly acted and flawlessly written . it could have been a smug  self - important movie that panders to die - hard shakespeare fans  but the appeal of this film is almost universal : if you ', ve ever read a play by shakespeare  or know anything about his life  it ', s likely that you ', ll find grand entertainment in shakespeare in love . joseph fiennes  brother of ralph  stars as shakespeare himself ; he ', s a delightful  irresistible lad  concerned mostly with women and detached from life ', s more serious problems ( debt  plague  etc . ) . he ', s commissioned to write plays for various people : queen elizabeth ( judi dench ) wants comedies  while local slimeball philip henslowe ( geoffrey rush ) needs him to write a play so that he can pay off his debts to hugh fennymann ( tom wilkinson ) . shakespeare  however  has trouble focusing on his work . he begins work on a comedy about a boy named romeo and a girl named ethel . this all changes  however  when he meets viola de lesseps ( a radiant gwyneth paltrow )  a young heiress set to marry the financially - oriented lord wessex ( colin firth ) . shakespeare instantly falls in love with her ; he first meets her when she pretends to be a man to try out for the part of romeo . he discovers her identity and confronts her later ; she  of course  falls in love with him  although their love is doomed because she absolutely must marry the tyrannical lord wessex . but she continues to act because she loves shakespeare ', s writing so much  and soon the production ( which later becomes romeo and juliet ) is set to be performed . shakespeare in love is an amazingly good film  not because it works as great entertainment  but because it pays attention to detail and knows its subject matter . i was instantly won over by joseph fiennes in the lead role : he has such searing optimism and energy ; he ', s clearly a man who admires shakespeare  and even in the shortcomings that he gives his character ( inability to turn away from women  attention deficit disorder )  we sense a great deal of affection and care . he practically overflows with passion in every scene . fiennes is matched by paltrow ( whose english accent is so good that wonder where she actually comes from ) ; she is an actress who exudes strength and conviction in every performance i ', ve seen her in . the two performers work perfectly together  taking the passionate scenes as far as possible without making them melodramatic  and wringing the comedic scenes for every conceivable laugh . of course  it doesn ', t hurt that they have a masterful script to work with . stoppard  whose play rozencrantz and guildenstern are dead inspired an interesting film  is full of dry wit and boundless understated humor ( all of his plays have similarly dry humor ) . the first intelligent step stoppard and norman took was harmonizing the events of the film with romeo and juliet . one of the funniest scenes in the film is an imitation of the famous terrace scene from the play ; in the movie  shakespeare is bumbling about while viola is trying to fend off her nurse maid . director john madden does a fantastic job dabbling in slapstick humor -- scenes like these would have seemed obtuse in the hands of a lesser director . i ', m going to have to see the movie again ; i ', m certain there are numerous references that i missed . in fact  i doubt it ', s possible to gather everything with just one viewing . stoppard is a master of detail : you ', ll notice familiar lines placed throughout the film  not as lines of a play  but as dialogue  suggesting that shakespeare simply spoke like that all the time . there ', s also a brilliant running joke in which shakespeare is in constant competition with christopher marlowe ( and the fact that marlowe is played by the openly - homosexual rupert everett is a joke in of itself )  proposing a slightly twisted explanation to marlowe ', s mysterious death in a pub . there ', s also a scene featuring a wide - eyed dog that is so funny that i hurt myself laughing . " there ', s no dog in this play ? " " no ! no dog ! " the ensemble cast is perhaps the strongest this year . geoffrey rush is nearly unrecognizable as the detestable henslowe ; wilkinson is also hard to recognize  but has a great role as a thug who takes his part as the apothecary so seriously . ben affleck  playing one of the actors in the company  shows great range  both in his accent ( his is almost as good as paltrow ', s ) and in humor ( he has some of the best one - liners in the movie ) . colin firth  always stuck playing the sap  does a good job being hateful . judi dench  however  has the best supporting performance as queen elizabeth : rarely has so much depth been conveyed in so few words . my single  minor complaint about shakespeare in love is that i feel like i could have been more moved by the end . the story is moving  but there are a few missed opportunities in the final scenes . but my quibbling is not important . what is important is that i acknowledge the quality of this picture  the sheer skill with which it has been written  acted  and produced . shakespeare in love tries so many things  and nails every one of them : it ', s a film that both loves shakespeare and makes fun of him  a film in which the actors  writers  and director are all perfectly in sync . it ', s also a movie that has the potential to introduce a lot of people to shakespeare ', s work in a positive way  without seeming condescending or superior . i admire this film not only because it passes so pleasantly  but because it has lofty aspirations and succeeds in them . not just any film can poke fun at shakespeare and get away with it .
pos titantic  writer and director james cameron ', s much anticipated and sometimes ridiculed $ 200  000  000 epic  arrives shortly into the theaters so the question naturally arises  whether the film is worth it ? as a business proposition  it seems hard to see how it can ever break even  but as a movie it is nothing short of wonderful . if you ', ve already neatly categorized it as yet another disaster movie a la volcano or the poseidon adventure  think again . the movie is both a great love story told with the disaster as a backdrop and a portrayal of one of the world ', s most memorable disasters made real and personal by seeing it through the eyes of two young lovers . in either case  it is filmmaking at its best . when we entered the press screening  my wife asked the publicity rep if there would be an intermission since the film runs three and a quarter hours long . he said no but that the time would go by so fast she ', d never notice the length . amazingly  he was right . titanic is one of the few long films that doesn ', t suffer because of it . the lush picture  filmed by russell carpenter in 70mm  opens in the present with two diving subs exploring the wreck of the titanic on the bottom of the ocean . fortune hunter brock lovett ( bill paxton ) leads the expedition looking for the world ', s most valuable diamond necklace that went down with the ship  known back then as " the ship of dreams . " the necklace ', s hundred - year - old former owner  rose dewitt bukater ( gloria stuart )  finds brock to tell him her story . although almost all of the movie happens in flashback  one of the engineers shows the elderly rose exactly how the ship was sunk . using a computer simulation  the movie takes the time to explain what will happen later  which adds immensely to making a lucid story out of what would have otherwise been hopelessly confusing . after twenty minutes  the story makes its jump to the past as the titanic leaves on her maiden voyage . in a classic movie theme  the two parts of the ship  first class and steerage ( third - class ) exist in sharp contrast . the strength of the script is the way it paints the differences between rich and poor without excessive moralizing . entering the ship on its day out is rose along with her millionaire fiance  cal hockley  played with perfect snobbishness by billy zane . and thanks to a last minute winning poker hand  an itinerant artist named jack dawson gets himself into a little shared cabin in third class . even with her own promenade deck  rose feels trapped on the ship  what with an upcoming marriage to a man she loathes . in contrast  jack can barely contain his euphoria at being on board . after jack saves rose from committing suicide  they start a brief but impassioned love affair . never tawdry and rarely explicit  their romance has the power to sweep the audience into the story . leonardo dicaprio in his best performance ever plays jack with confidence and charisma . in so many ways  small and large  he makes all the right decisions in his approach to the part . when he confronts cal  for example  he remains composed and polite and yet subtly undermines every one of cal ', s supercilious put - downs . kate winslet gives a wonderfully captivating performance as young rose . the chemistry between these two academy award nominees  him for what ', s eating gilbert grape and her for sense and sensibility  is nothing short of astonishing . from the scene where he embarrasses her by repeatedly asking if she loves her finace to the beautiful one of them hanging off the ship ', s bow to the one where she embarrasses him by asking him to paint her nude  they dazzle the screen with a pair of mesmerizing performances . if the film breaks after an hour and a half  which is how long cameron wisely waits to have the iceberg show up  you will still get one of the best films of the year . peter lamont ', s sets are more than authentic . one scene  for example  starts with the planning - to - retire captain  played with insouciance by bernard hill  having his tea on deck . it then shifts to the ship ', s massive gears and then to the bright - hot boiler room filled with sweating muscular men shoveling in the coals . the handsome interior common rooms of the ship resemble a palace more than an ocean liner . easily the most fascinating part of the story is what happens after the iceberg hits and before the battle with the water begins in earnest . at first  since the iceberg tears a series of little gashes in the hull  not some big gaping hole  the passengers view the hit as more of curiosity than anything else . what a lark . we ', ve struck an iceberg . now let ', s get back to our brandy and cigars . the ship ', s musicians play like troopers through it all  even after the panic sets in . after all  they see it as their duty to calm the passengers . when the musicians are about to die  they politely thank each other for the pleasure of being able to play together  and they mean it . their civility borders on insanity  but it is touching nevertheless . the story is so rich that my description has merely touched the surface . there are more than enough characters to love and to hate  and all of the casting is dead - on . special effects work best when their presence becomes almost undetectable . in titanic  for which he created a nine - tenths scale model of the entire ship  cameron strove for accuracy at all costs . the most dramatic moment in the film happens when the ship breaks in two  and the front section becomes vertical in the water . people are flung like ants either into the water to be shortly frozen to death or into other parts of the ship to be crushed immediately . besides being romantic and dramatic  the script includes liberal doses of humor . from the many deliciously subtle verbal put - downs to the physical comedy  as when jack teaches rose to spit like a man  the show elicits laughter in addition to perhaps a few tears . " it ', s good - bye for a little while  " a less than confident father tells his little girl since it was indeed women and children first . " this boat ', s for mommies and children . there ', ll be a boat in a little while for daddies . " basically there was a design decision to have fewer than half of the necessary life boats -- it made the decks look too crowded otherwise . perhaps the sinking is best summarized by one of the guggenheim ', s on - board the ship . in the dining room with the lifeboats gone and the ship certain to sink  he is offered a life jacket by one of the crew . " no thanks  " the elegantly attired guggenheim replies . " we ', re dressed in our best and would prefer to go down like gentlemen . but we would like a brandy . " titanic runs 3 : 14 . it is rated pg - 13 for tastefully and delicately presented sex and nudity and would be fine for kids twelve and up .
pos the sweet hereafter could serve as a textbook example of the difference between television movies and " real " movies . consider for a moment what a television producer would do with a book that features a fatal school bus accident and a lawyer out to sign up the bereaved -- lots of hot sensationalism interrupted with breaks to sell beer and toothpaste . top - flight writer and director atom egoyan delivers instead a film with tremendous power whose most notable trait is its touching subtlety . based on a respected book of the same name by author russell banks  the movie represents a rethinking of the story ', s structure  not merely a literal adaptation of the novel . told in linear form by four narrators in the book  egoyan ', s version happens instead in overlapping time sequences and without a narrator . the author is even on record as applauding egoyan ', s changes . in the press notes the book ', s author describes the story as " a parable of lost children . " he says it asks what a town does in the absence of its children . picking up on this  egoyan has a flashback in which a sitter  nicole burnell  played with grace by sarah polley  reads parts of " the pied piper " from an old  illustrated book to her two charges . periodically throughout the picture  nicole ', s readings are heard in voice - over . you have never heard this moving poem read so sweetly or in such an appropriate moment . they and the rest of the town ', s children come into harm ', s way -- some live and others are seriously injured . and the entire small canadian town where the accident occurs is never the same again . although the physical damage is inflicted mainly on the children  the adults bear the emotional scars of the loss . ian holm  in arguably the best performance of his distinguished career  plays mitchell stephens  an intense man of quiet misery . mitchell is the outsider in the story set in a small  snow - encrusted community in the british columbian wilderness . his mission there is a singular one  to sign up the parents so that he can sue someone  anyone  on their behalf . if this seems crass  well it is  but mitchell approaches his job with the dedication of a religious zealot . the story unfolds slowly and always believably . each little aspect has its own fascination . as mitchell interviews wendell and rita walker  played with quiet realism by maury chaykin and alberta watson  he has a simple task . he wants them to suggest some model couple in the village who has a lost a child so that he can use that couple to form the basis of the suit . wendell ticks off one town member after another and then  as one can in a small town  enumerates each person ', s numerous faults . although the town is no peyton place  people there do have their foibles . one of the best parents in the town appears to be billy ansell ( bruce greenwood )  who rides his pickup behind the school bus everyday just so he can wave good - bye to his kids . well  single parent billy ', s fault is that he has regularly scheduled trysts with the married rita . his confessions to rita about his feelings of loss are one of the many heartfelt outpourings in the story . the accident itself  a simple one of a bus hitting a patch of ice  isn ', t shown until the middle of the picture  but  nevertheless  the mystery about it builds throughout the film . although the picture is no detective story  finding out exactly what happened is a subtheme in a movie that is primarily a character study of a town gripped by tragedy . as the injured bus driver  gabrielle rose  dolores driscoll plays the role of a dedicated individual who loves kids with a passion and for whom the tragedy takes on special meaning . to round out the story  mitchell has his own private tragedy to bear . his daughter zoe ( caerthan banks ) is a drug addict who has bounced in and out of one half - way house and recovery center after another . fond of calling her dad on his cell phone so she can ask for money or help  she interrupts him at many emotionally charged moments as he attempts to sign up the townsfolk . ( " i can help you  " mitchell tries to reassure billy . " not unless you can raise the dead  " billy snaps back . mitchell ', s pitch is never an easy one and worrying about zoe only makes it harder . ) mychael danna ', s haunting music sets the stage for tragedy . the cinematography by paul sarossy is sweeping in its outdoor grandeur  but it is in the warm  shadowy  intimate moments indoors where it works best . the show  which is ripe for emotional manipulation  never plays with its audience . still  when the house lights go up  you may feel as i did . i could barely breathe ; i was so overcome by the sum total of what i had witnessed . more than anything  the film is like a master painting . each cinematic brush stroke is carefully laid down by egoyan with the beauty building with each dollop of paint . with the final color in place  the masterpiece is complete  and the ending credits roll . the sweet hereafter runs 1 : 50 . it is rated r for mature themes  sexuality and some profanity and would be fine teenagers .
pos ( warning to those who have not seen seven : this review contains some spoiler information . ) seven is a powerful  fully - realized film on the level of the silence of the lambs . it is a disturbing film that accomplishes its biggest of goals -- it occupies the viewers mind long after the closing credits have rolled . while this film is not for the squeamish  there is no denying that seven demands attention  for it is a film that transcends its genre in both style and substance . for starters  classifying seven as a " thriller " would not be an altogether complete classification of this film . while i was genuinely thrilled throughout  i would rather call seven an " intense drama  " because that is what it delivers -- meaningful scenes with a relentlessness that does not readily let up . part of director david finchers accomplishment is in style . he seems to have a knack for knowing exactly how the average person fears something as " simple " as a corpse . and visually  fincher shows us the remains of murder victims in all - too - realistic and graphic terms ( courtesy of rob bottin ', s always - grisly special effects ) . throw in the appropriate but not - to - be - underestimated effects of lighting and a foreboding score and the result is a technical masterpiece of the murder scene . these scenes alone are quite impressive ; as fascinating as they are harrowing . yet  seven is more than just a technical accomplishment . in addition to style  fincher supplies substance . seven has compelling characters that it wants us to know and understand  and fincher ties them all together in a completely pessimistic view of society . detective william somerset ( morgan freeman ) is a man who has nearly given up on the world . its easy to see why . the world doesn ', t make sense . ( somerset drives this point home with a rather ghastly story of a robbery victim who was attacked just blocks from the police precinct . after knocked down and robbed of his wallet  the attacker stabbed the helpless man in both eyes . ) why should somerset believe that by following this murder investigation and " picking up the pieces " he will be able to catch the killer ? somersets new partner  david mills ( brad pitt ) has not given up on the world  perhaps because he is still young ( and perhaps by having this optimism he ', s naive in this films portrayal of the world ) . he completely disagrees with somersets abandonment of hope . however  david ', s wife ( gwyneth paltrow ) has so much fear of her urban surroundings  she isn ', t even sure if she wants to * tell * her husband about her recent pregnancy  let alone carry it until birth and attempt to raise it in this environment . these three characters are all performed with skill and authenticity that makes them feel like real people and not the typical hollywood characters a lesser film might have offered . and in addition to making clear how each of these characters sees the world  fincher gives us support for * why * they feel the way they do . but if there ', s one character that underlines the message seven is trying to convey  it has to be the killer  john doe ( kevin spacey ) . seven ', s payoff lies in its ability to allow us to see how the killer views the world and what drives him to do what he does . one important thing to remember about doe is how easy it is to simply dismiss him as a " psycho  " with no motives behind his slayings . this is exactly the mistake mills makes . in the extremely intense and superbly performed closing scenes  were allowed to see that doe is  in his mind  merely a product of society . he ', s a killer who kills those who are bringing society down . in his mind he didn ', t kill " innocent " people  and  perhaps  they were not completely innocent ( but  then again  who is ? ) . hes absolutely infuriated that mills believes that the murder victims were innocent . really  seven doesn ', t just comment on the superficial obviousness of how screwed - up john doe is . seven makes larger statements about how screwed - up society is  hinting that society ', s degradation is simply conducive of creating more john does . besides the stylistic and larger - issue arguments for seeing this film  i recommend seven because it is  after all  also a very slick and well - made thriller . it features exciting plot developments  commanding performances  lots of suspense  and a conclusion that is chilling  riveting  and quite unfair . but then again  its a cruel world .
pos modern audiences are more likely to be familiar with les misirables from the pop - broadway musical rather than victor hugo ', s original tome . adapted several times for the cinema  this latest effort does a superb job of translating the characters  story  and heart of the novel to the screen . liam neeson stars as jean valjean . as a young man  valjean stole some bread to satisfy his hunger . . . and he was sentenced to 19 years of hard labor for his crimes . prison hardened him  and on his release he seems doomed to a life of crime and squalor . however  an unexpected act of compassion changes his outlook on life  and he vows to become a better man . however  he runs up against one man who doesn ', t believe in reform . inspector javert ( geoffrey rush ) is an obsessive law abider . he has no tolerance for anyone who breaks the rules  even with benign intentions . he once served as a guard at the labor camp where valjean served  and after valjean breaks his parole  javert devotes himself to bringing him to justice . two women also get caught up in the struggle . fantine ( uma thurman ) is an unwed mother suffocating in an unforgiving society . her daughter  cosette ( mimi newman  and later  claire danes )  is her life  yet she cannot afford to raise her . instead  cosette is sent to live with a cruel foster family which extorts money from fantine  and forces cosette into a life little better than a slave . director bille august manages to create a faithful adaptation of victor hugo ', s novel  which  though omitting some of the political undertones  remains true to the overall story and tone of the book . hopefully you won ', t  as some clueless members of the audience did  wonder where all the songs went . the movie manages to be completely engrossing without the andrew lloyd webber flourishes . the experience is bolstered by strong performances throughout  though neeson and rush deservedly take center stage with their core roles . neeson in particular deserves kudos for his portrayal of a man trying to do good  but continually haunted by his past . the supporting cast is also extraordinary . the only actor who dims in comparison is hans matheson  playing the revolutionary  marius . the film slightly loses its luster during his brief love affair  but it is transitory  and truly only distracting when contrasted with the rest of the film . the novel les misirables is  by any account  an epic  both in its scope and in its length . while it would be nearly impossible to cram everything from its pages into a two hour movie  this latest attempt does an admirable job at the translation . it  too  is an epic . . . and one worth seeing .
pos i was born in 1970  which makes me barely old enough to remember bell buttons  8 tracks and disco . however  since i was 17 years old i ', ve seen more than my share of adult films . i mention this only because i thinks its important to state up front that i ', m not against pornogrpahy . i ', ve seen enough of these films to know the range of content and quality available . director paul thomas anderson ', s boogie nights offers us a view into the world of porn during the period considered to be the golden age of adult cinema  the mid to late 70s . this was the period when x - rated movies were real movies  shot on film  shown in movie theaters and even reviewed by legitimate critics . this was an age when porn directors actually aspired to make innovative often educational films  films that attempted to tell a real story . one of the more fascinating aspects of this film is how  like in an any other billion dollar industry  the creative visionaries tend to be ignorant to the trends that will soon make them obsolete . in this case  the arrival of the now ubiquitous videocassette . burt reynold ', s manages to resuscitate his career portraying such an auteur  known as jack horner . horner ', s has a steady " family " of performers  some of whom live in his plush l . a . home . but in the world of porn  performers are a commodity - the fresher  the better . when horner scouts a fresh faced stud bussing tables at his favorite discotheque  he decides to add him to his stable . it is a pairing that leads to a meteoric rise and fall for a young man reaching his prime and an old man rapidly speeding past his . as directed by anderson  the camera moves through many of the scenes with an eerie omnipresence and an almost childlike curiosity to peer beyond the closed door . boogie nights provides a voyeuristic peep into the underbelly of l . a . ', s hardcore film scene . but the peep show doesnut let us walk away when the titillation ends . the downside of voyeurism is sometimes we end up seeing things we wish we hadnut . by the film ', s final image  what we we once found titillating has now become a grim reminder of the vanity of fame and the high price of realizing your dreams . boogie nights is not about sex . it does not glorify porn or the lifestyles of the performers . in fact  the film isn ', t really about pornography at all . pornography is merely the setting to tell a compelling story about a lost and forgotten group of people who form their own sub - culture to find acceptance of who they are . the film goes to brilliant  often hilarious and sometimes harrowing lengths to show us that the people who choose to produce or perform in these films are generally not all that bright and lack the basic tools to function in the mainstream world . yet  like in the lauded tarantino films  these people still have their own moral code  their own concepts of integrity and their own needs to experess themselves creatively . the characters we meet are like a road map of dysfuntion . first stop  the den mother ( julianne moore ) in denial about her addiction to cocaine as she tries to retain custody of her son . second stop  the cuckold crewman ( william h . macy ) who keeps discovering his wife having sex with anyone and everyone ( the wife is played in hilarious cameos by real - life porn star nina hartley ) . but the driving force behind the plot is 17 year old eddie adams . eddie is blessed with a natural endowment so famous that people actually pay just to see it . with no real ambition of his own  he hooks up with jack horner to fullfill his destiny of fame . his alcoholic mother  clearly dissatisfied with her own lot  abuses him verbally and drives him out of the house . horner introduces him to amber waves ( moore ) who immediately adopts him  a nuclear family is born . the surrogate relationship that develops between amber waves and her " babies " provides some of the films most poignant scenes . clearly  she is not even fit to manage her own life  let alone nurture these lost children . but the need to love and be loved is so strong  they easily ignore the dangers of the less subtle addiction she introduces them to . even the viewer is somehow lulled into feeling like the love she offers is similar to being in a real family . then again  perhaps its not so different from real families at all . eddie adams  who later takes on the screen name " dirk diggler "  is skillfully acted by former pop - star  mark wahlberg . i say " former " pop star because with this performance wahlberg can officially quit his day job . this is bold and brave territory for such a young man . he pulls it off marvelously . wahlberg is a " big  bright star " with a big bright future . boogie nights plays very much in the spirit of the people versus larry flynt  without the first amendment preachiness . its intimate studies of character make it the superior film . wahlberg ', s surprising performance is on par with woody harrelson ', s . but in my opinion  boogie nights  is not the best film of the year . i got the feeling that itus 2 1 / 2 hour running time could have been cut by 15 or 20 minutes without losing any of its resonance . still  if the subject matter of this film intimidates you  thereus no doubt that once you start watching boogie nights you may still feel like its not your thing  but youull find yourself grooving to it anyway . . . ya know  kinda like disco .
pos i remember making a pact  right after ` patch adams ',  to not be easily be suckered by movies dripping with sentimentality . but darn it  ` music of the heart ', is just layered with feel - good material and bright characterizations . it ', s hard to dislike a movie that uses such skill with it ', s manipulation . in addition  it ', s also a terrific family film . this is the true story of violin teacher roberta guaspari  who fought the school board to keep the musical program active in a handful of inner city harlem schools . it could also be described as ` mrs . streep ', s opus ', . yes  meryl streep brings her dramatic clout to the demanding role of guaspari  and that brings both good news and bad . out of the gate  possibly because of her distracting star power and the rushed writing  it is relatively difficult to identify with roberta ', s character and grasp her academic point - of - view . she is very strict with her students  but what insight does that create into the story ? slowly but surely  we begin to recognize the intentions of the character  and show admiration for the thoughtfulness and human feeling that streep has once again applied . one thoroughly interesting fact about ` music of the heart ', lies with the unlikely presence in the director ', s chair : horror veteran wes craven . after leaving an impression with the ` scream ', films and the original ` nightmare on elm street ',  craven has attempted a precarious cross - over to drama . at first  his inexperience with the genre is fairly obvious  but as the film progresses craven finds a surprisingly comfortable niche with directing this material . it doesn ', t carry the heart - warming courage of ` mr . holland ', s opus ',  but ` music of the heart ', is casually assured and filled with little morsels of dramatic truth . the tag team of streep and craven works better than you would anticipate . yes  oscar could come calling once again for meryl streep  but it ', s the solid ensemble cast that makes ` music of the heart ', work . angela bassett displays her usual forceful stamina as janet williams  the principal at an inner city school who initially doesn ', t hire roberta because of her lack of experience . blue - eyed adian quinn is endearing  as always  playing a new love interest . gloria estefan also delivers in the tiny role of a supportive second - grade teacher  and the three lead actresses together produce a flaming fireball of estrogenic force . it ', s like a schoolteacher ', s version of ` thelma and louise ',  in a restrained but effective manner . the movie tackles more issues than just guaspari ', s teaching of violin . there ', s some powerful moments between roberta and her two sons  who must cope when their father leaves them for another woman . in it ', s dramatic build - up  the movie manages to produce some authentic moments of feeling and warmth . it ', s a good movie for anyone to see  although missing out on the experience would not be a life - altering decision . it ', s commendable of wes craven to be attempting such a difficult cross - over  and also for achieving his intricate goal . watching this heartfelt chick flick about morals and musical instruments  who may ask yourself : this is the guy who directed ` scream ', ? of course  when the third installment of that series comes around in february 2000 ( with craven directing )  you may find yourself wondering : this is the guy who directed ` music of the heart ', ? mission accomplished  wes . thankfully  there is no layer of artificial sentiment covering the film . in it ', s entirety  it ', s a wholesome and agreeable movie for the whole family  despite the periodic flaws that surface every once in awhile . the child actors are cute and perform up to par  even if some of their problems are clich ? d and predictable in the extreme . the mother who doesn ', t want her son to be learning ` white man ', s music ',  the unexpected casuality . . . basically everything is there . it doesn ', t strike the perfect chord  but ` music of the heart ', is highly convincing . the uplifting true story of roberta guaspari could have been told better  but ` music of the heart ', is still edifying enough to properly divulge her morals .
pos vannesa kensington : ` austin  do you smoke after sex ? ', austin powers : ` i don ', t know baby  i ', ve never looked ! ', and so begins our journey into the most anticipated sequel of the summer season . austin powers 2  the sequel to the sleeper hit of 1997  is filled to the brim with uproarious sight gags and lurid toilet jokes that will make you keel over with hilarity . the mind of mike myers is obviously a very bizarre place . myers returns as the swinging 60 ', s spy and his arch - nemesis  the bald headed dr . evil  who is given much of the spotlight here . there ', s an early scene in which dr . evil and his son scott ( seth green ) appear on a jerry springer segment entitled ` my dad is evil and wants to take over the world ',  hosted by springer himself . most of these talk - show gags  spoofing everything from oprah to regis and kathie lee  are no longer as funny as they once were . happily  this is an exception  especially when a fight breaks out between dr . evil and the other guests . ( sample dialogue - ` come back here you mother #@%$^ ! ! you want a piece of me ? ', ) the audience was in stitches . there are many good things about this sequel . dr . evil is now assisted by mini - me ( verne troyer )  a pint - sized clone who is the result of an experiment gone awry . mini - me is the most perfect new character that any fan could ask for  and troyer does a terrific job of mimicking everything that his big brother does  pinkie and all . mindy sterling returns as frau farbissina  evil ', s loud - mouth assassin sidekick  and here we are treated to a brief romantic liaison between the two in an underground bedroom chamber . this works surprisingly well . afterward  there ', s even a meeting at the coffee machine  where their awkwardness is expressed in a scene you would expect in any normal office environment . oh  yes . . . the plot . after a short honeymoon with vanessa kensington ( elizabeth hurley ) that goes disastrously wrong  powers is back on the case to thwart the diabolical plans of dr . evil . in the original  the subject of the day was cryogenic freezing that enabled the characters to hop between two time periods . here  it ', s time travel . dr . evil has this crazy plan to steal austin ', s mojo ( the source of his sexual powers )  so he jumps through a time portal back into 1969 when powers is still is his freezing chamber . there  he employs a grotesque 600 - pound scottish assassin named fat bastard ( also myers ) to commandeer the mojo  so that our future hero is left completely shagless . meanwhile  austin is informed of evil ', s wrong - doing by basil exposition ( michael york )  and is supplied with his very own time - traveling device in the form of a volkswagen beetle . once back in 1969  powers meets a foxy cia operative named felicity shagwell ( heather graham )  and learns of dr . evil ', s plans to destroy washington dc with a lazer on the moon . in one of the many uproarious jabs at star wars  evil calls the moon base a ` death star ', . if there ever was a movie that knew from the start it was a complete joke  it ', s austin powers : the spy who shagged me . ap2 has many hilarious moments  much more so  than the original austin powers . but what it doesn ', t have is the confident support system that the first boasted  and the jokes are now more scattershot and hit - and - miss . while myers has a knack for delivering clever  inspired gags  he sometimes doesn ', t know when to call it quits . the hilarious scene in the original involving mustafa ( will ferrell ) and his refusal to die is played out here in a disappointing and tired manner . robert wagner  as dr . evil ', s # 2 man  has only one scene early on in the film  where he lacks all the focus of the character . one nice surprise is rob lowe  as the young # 2  who patterns wagner ', s voice and movements right down to a tee . there are more recycled jokes from the predecessor  including kristen johnston as ivana humpalot ( an unfunny rendition of alotta fagina ) . but myers has clearly put so much dedication into this project  and many bits are side - splittingly funny . don ', t miss an extended visual gag in a tent  where the shadows leave much to the imagination . . . . of the new characters  graham doesn ', t leave much of an impression . her performance is merely okay  and she lacks the gung - ho enthusiasm that made elizabeth hurley so enjoyable before her . and as for fat bastard . . . well  he provides one or two hilarious moments  but all of the obesity jokes and bathroom talk go too far . but my most severe complaint : mr . bigglesworth was only in one scene ! ! but  with gritted teeth  i managed to get over that . this sequel will not leave fans disappointed ; it ', s more often than not a laugh riot . and  i look optimistically to the future  where i foresee more installments to the austin powers collection . if myers can up the quota of fresh ideas  we should be in store for much more . ( c ) 1999  jamey hughton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . jamey hughton ( 15 ) has written a weekly column in the starphoenix  saskatoon  sk since november  1997 . he was a 1999 writing finalist in the canadian ytv achievement awards .
pos the premise of the new teen - targeted horror film ` final destination ', causes a recollection of a memorable ` simpsons ', halloween episode . after attempting to repair a malfunctioning toaster  lovably ignorant patriarch homer realizes he has created a portable time - machine . after a trek into the cretaceous period  homer observes that any minor alteration made there will erupt into a starling chain of events and seriously modify the present world . again and again  homer toys with the master plan and pays dearly for it . the characters of ` final destination ', have also tampered with the blueprint schematics of their existence - their ` design ', . someone is after them with the strict intent of correcting the mistake . that someone is death . you see  alex browning ( devon sawa ) and six others have cheated the grim reaper . . . . but the dude has got some tricks up his sleeve . for a high school excursion  alex ', s french class is traveling to paris by airline transport . alex  tense and neurotic  has a shocking premonition after boarding : he sees the plane  and every passenger on it  spontaneously explode in mid - air . in a panic of sheer lunacy  alex charges his way through the aisle and demands removal from the aircraft . after a handful of others ( including one teacher ) follow and are denied admittance back onto the plane  the unwitting ? survivors ', watch in horror as the plane actually explodes in the drizzling night sky . the loony vision alex experiences does actually materialize . but death won ', t be cheated so easily  and one by one  the survivors of flight 180 are offed in mysteriously gruesome circumstances . the grisly murder count baffles the local officials and fbi . before i delve into the meat of the review  i ', d just like to confer . . . . is that one helluva premise  or what ? ` final destination ',  creepy beyond rational comprehension  probably reads more like an unsettling ` x - files ', episode than ` the simpsons ', - therefore  the surprise is minimal when you discover the mutual creators behind both are glen morgan and james wong . on familiar turf  the task of establishing footing is not difficult for morgan and wong  and the opening 20 minutes of ` final destination ', reflects that . unlike most thrillers  the set - up is crisp and cool . you just deeply  sincerely hope that the momentum won ', t unspool  leaving us with a second - string effort with nothing but cheap  derivative shocks . young viewers have a palpable reason to expect this kind of formula deterioration  what with ` i know what you did last summer ', and sequel  ` idle hands ', and -- a movie with a nifty premise that just plunged like an anvil -- ` urban legend ', . after the set - up  when i remained slouched apprehensively in my chair  i started to really have fun with ` final destination ', . low and behold  a teen thriller that is actually unsettling  actually suspenseful and -- yes -- actually intelligent . some splotty logic and a heap of characteristic genre flaws aside  this film is among the most refreshing and all - out enjoyable horror movies to submerge since the cutting - edge ` scream ', in 1996 . ` final destination ', stimulates the nerves and offers a exhilarating retaliation strike against all the blood - spattered slasher crap we ', ve endured throughout the past few years . not that the characters are that good . sawa is game as alex  a connect - the - dots personality that we never fully comprehend . in addition  the survivors are endearing geek tod ( chad e . donella )  jocky control - freak carter ( kerr smith of ` dawson ', s creek ', )  carter ', s ditzy girlfriend terry ( amanda detmer )  the none - too - subtly named billy hitchcock ( seann william scott  supplier of lukewarm comic relief ) and a lone teacher - the emotionally delicate ms . lewton ( kristin cloke ) . aside from alex  the primary center of interest is intended to be ali larter ( ` varsity blues ', )  playing an abstract character named clear rivers ( what were her parents thinking ? ! ? ) . the personality of clear is written with such a vague  nebulous definition that she resembles a walking flash - card saying ` hello  i am the offbeat character designed to identify with the main character ', s plight ! ', toss a few stereotypical fbi agents ( daniel roebuck and roger guenveur smith ) and a . . . . ummm . . . ` spiritual ', mortician ( former ` candyman ', tony todd ) into the mix  and you have what could be another generic teenage frightfest with slicing  dicing and assorted disembowelments . not so . ` final destination ', has no slicing and dicing  or at least none dealt by a human killer  and the thought of death itself as the unseen stalker is unique and frightening . the extra dimension of disconcerting irony rejuvenates the decaying ? murderer - on - the - loose ', concept  with assistance from a shrewd  intelligently paced screenplay by morgan  wong and jeffrey reddick . the plot twists are fun and clever without toppling into utter absurdity ( listen up  ` reindeer games ', ) . but i suppose the most satisfying aspect of ` final destination ', is the murder scenes . creative  resourceful and breathlessly inventive  the death sequences involve an unlikely string of events leading to a character ', s demise . what will trigger the accident ? will it be the john denver record  just put on to play ` rocky mountain high ', ? ( yeah  sick humor ) . will it be the leaking toilet ? the falling fishing reel in the corner ? the murders are startling and largely unforeseen  including one surprise incident that made the audience jump out of their seats and giggle nervously for roughly a minute afterward . a sense of giddy unpredictability is added with this inventive approach . it gets sorta tasteless and cheap sometimes  but who cares ? it ', s fun . in that simple regard  ` final destination ', is my cup of tea . this stylishly executed thriller  although tagged with laughable circumstances and the occasional snippet of lame dialogue  is an immensely entertaining jaunt to the dark side . after the show  it will also have an frightening impact on you . when will your ? design ', expire ? is death waiting around the corner ? the ` final ', effect is a major case of the heebie - jeebies .
pos it is easy to see why the late stanley kubrick believed steven spielberg would be the perfect director for his a . i . artificial intelligence  just as it is understandable why spielberg was attracted to the material . for here we have another lost boy trying to find his way home  an outcast seeking family  themes very familiar from most of spielberg ', s body of work from sugarland express to close encounters of the third kind to e . t . to empire of the sun to hook to saving private ryan  naming just a few examples . a . i . is set in an undefined near future in which giant technological advances have led to the creation of robots who serve every purpose from housekeeping to fulfilling sexual fantasies . it is an era when robots are treated merely as sophisticated appliances . the last great leap in robotic evolution is the addition of emotions  and with the number of births limited by the government  many couples are yearning for children . and professor hobby ( william hurt ) has the solution . a robotic boy named david ( haley joel osment )  who is programmed to love . as a test  david is placed with henry swinton ( sam robards ) and his wife  monica ( frances o ', connor ) . their natural - born son has been cryogenically frozen until a cure can be found for his illness . the first third of a . i . deals with david ', s life with the swintons and how that is changed by the recovery and return of their son  martin . circumstances force david to be cut off from the swintons . he is abandoned and alone . david  highly influenced by the fairy tale  pinocchio  feels that if he becomes a real boy he can rekindle monica ', s love for him . the film ', s second act follows david ', s search for the blue fairy  whom he believes will be able to fulfill his wish . during these adventures he meets and is helped by gigolo joe ( jude law )  a robot who specializes in sex . spielberg is at his top form in this sequence  offering a brutal " flesh fair " where robots are destroyed via sadistic methods for the amusement of paying customers . here  is where kubrick ', s influence is strongly felt  as the movie explores the fear and distrust humans have for robots . the savagery conjures up images from the late director ', s a clockwork orange . at about two hours and 30 minutes  the film begins to falter during the last 20 minutes  a sequence that seems most spielbergian with images that appear to be borrowed from close encounters . it is all very anti - climatic and jarring . these scenes seem almost superfluous  as if from a different film . a . i . is a dark fairy tale that deserves its pg - 13 rating . it is a story combining hope and intolerance  sacrifice and bigotry  and while it does not coalesce perfectly  the movie does offer some disturbing images . but a . i . is really a showcase for the acting talents of the amazing young osment . if ever an actor deserved an academy award nomination  it is this lad  who brings a sense of joy and wonder to the role of david  a being created for the express purpose of loving . he shines when with monica  beaming with love  as eager as a puppy to please . after being left in the woods  he is confused  lost  hurt  focusing on one objective : to become a real boy and find his way home so he can redeem himself in his mother ', s eyes . law is pleasant as the care - free robot who really doesn ', t understand david ', s quest  but is nonetheless happy to help him on his journey . probably the toughest role is o ', connor ', s monica . playing an emotional fragile woman who sees david as a substitute for her lost martin  she grows conflicted after her boy returns and she begins to perceive david not as a second chance  but as a threat to her family . she gives her character enough emotional chaos that you cannot fault her for her course of action . many of a . i . ', s futuristic sets are breathtaking  especially a mostly submerged new york  lost to the world by the melting of the polar ice caps . a . i . is a flawed film  and you cannot get through the entire feature without pondering - even subconsciously - how it would have turned out with kubrick instead of spielberg behind the camera . would it have been darker ? more cynical ? we will never know . we can only judge what is before us on the screen  a collaboration of two cinematic giants . a . i . is a most interesting and thought - provoking examination of a future that is quickly gaining on us .
pos here ', s a word analogy : amistad is to the lost world as schindler ', s list is to jurassic park . in 1993  after steven spielberg made the monster dino hit  many critics described schindler ', s list as the director ', s " penance " ( as if there was a need for him to apologize for making a crowd - pleasing blockbuster ) . now  after a three - year layoff  spielberg is back with a vengeance . once again  his summer release was special effects - loaded action / adventure flick with dinosaurs munching on human appetizers . now  following his 1993 pattern  he has fashioned another serious  inspirational christmas release about the nature of humanity . that film is amistad . although not as masterful as schindler ', s list  amistad is nevertheless a gripping motion picture . thematically rich  impeccably crafted  and intellectually stimulating  the only area where this movie falls a little short is in its emotional impact . watching schindler ', s list was a powerful  almost spiritual  experience . spielberg pulled us into the narrative  absorbed us in the drama  then finally let us go  exhausted and shattered  three - plus hours later . aspects of the movie have stayed with me ever since . amistad  while a fine example of film making  is not as transcendent . the incident of the ship la amistad is not found in any history books  but  considering who writes the texts  that ', s not a surprise . however  the event is a part of the american social and legal fabric  and  while amistad does not adhere rigorously to the actual account  most of the basic facts are in order . several  mostly minor changes have been made to enhance the film ', s dramatic force . on the whole  while amistad may not be faithful to all of the details of the situation  it is true to the spirit and meaning of what transpired . one stormy night during the summer of 1839  the 53 men imprisoned on the spanish slave ship la amistad escape . led by the lion - hearted cinque ( djimon hounsou )  they take control of the vessel  killing most of the crew . adrift somewhere off the coast of cuba and uncertain how to make their way back to africa  they rely on the two surviving spaniards to navigate the eastward journey . they are tricked  however  and the la amistad  which makes its way northward off the united states ', eastern coastline  is eventually captured by an american naval ship near connecticut . the kidnapped africans are shackled and thrown into prison  charged with murder and piracy . the first men to come to the africans ', defense are abolitionists theodore joadson ( morgan freeman ) and lewis tappan ( stellan skarsgard ) . they are soon joined by roger baldwin ( matthew mcconaughey )  a property attorney of little repute . aided by advice from former president john quincy adams ( anthony hopkins )  baldwin proves a more persuasive orator than anyone gave him credit for  and his central argument -- that the prisoners were illegally kidnapped free men  not property -- convinces the judge . but powerful forces have aligned against baldwin ', s cause . current president martin van buren ( nigel hawthorne )  eager to please southern voters and 11 - year old queen isabella of spain ( anna paquin )  begins pulling strings behind - the - scenes to ensure that none of the africans goes free . at its heart  amistad is a tale of human courage . cinque is a heroic figure whose spirit remains unbreakable regardless of the pain and indignity he is subjected to . he is a free man  not a slave  and  while he recognizes that he may die as a result of his struggle  he will not give it up . effectively portrayed by newcomer djimon hounsou  whose passion and screen presence arrest our attention  cinque is the key to viewers seeing the amistad africans as more than symbols in a battle of ideologies . they are individuals  and our ability to make that distinction is crucial to the movie ', s success . to amplify this point  spielberg presents many scenes from the africans ', point - of - view  detailing their occasionally - humorous observations about some of the white man ', s seemingly - strange " rituals " . the larger struggle is  of course  one of defining humanity . as the nazis felt justified in slaughtering jews because they viewed their victims as " sub - human  " so the pro - slavery forces of amistad use a similar defense . the abolitionists regard the africans as men  but the slavers and their supporters see them as animals or property . in a sense  the morality of slavery is on trial here with the specter of civil war  which would break out less than three decades later  looming over everything . amistad ', s presentation of the legal and political intricacies surrounding the trial are fascinating  making this movie one of the most engrossing courtroom dramas in recent history . four claimants come forward against the africans : the state  which wants them tried for murder ; the queen of spain  who wants them handed over to her under the provision of an american / spanish treaty ; two american naval officers  who claim the right of high seas salvage ; and the two surviving spaniards from la amistad  who demand that their property be returned to them . baldwin must counter all of these claims  while facing a challenge to his own preconceived notions as the result of a relationship he develops with cinque . even though attorney and client are divided by a language barrier  they gradually learn to communicate . aside from cinque  who is a fully - realized individual  characterization is spotty  but the acting is top - notch . matthew mcconaughey successfully overcomes his " pretty boy " image to become baldwin  but the lawyer is never particularly well - defined outside of his role in the la amistad case . likewise  while morgan freeman and stellan skarsgard are effective as joadson and tappan  they are never anything more than " abolitionists . " nigel hawthorne  who played the title character in the madness of king george  presents martin van buren as a spineless sycophant to whom justice means far less than winning an election . finally  there ', s anthony hopkins  whose towering portrayal of john quincy adams is as compelling as anything the great actor has recently done . hopkins  who can convincingly play such diverse figures as a serial killer  an emotionally - crippled english butler  and richard nixon  makes us believe that he is adams . his ten - minute speech about freedom and human values is unforgettable . one point of difference worth noting between amistad and schindler ', s list is this film ', s lack of a well - defined human villain . schindler ', s list had ralph fiennes ', superbly - realized amon goeth  who was not only a three - dimensional character  but a personification of all that the nazis stood for . there is no such figure in amistad . the villain is slavery  but an ideology  no matter how evil  is rarely the best adversary . it is to spielberg ', s credit that he has fashioned such a compelling motion picture without a prominent antagonist . amistad ', s trek to the screen  which encountered some choppy waters ( author barbara chase - riboud has cried plagiarism  a charge denied by the film makers )  comes in the midst of an upsurge of interest in the incident . an opera of the same name opened in chicago on november 29  1997 . numerous books about the subject are showing up on bookstore shelves . it remains to be seen how much longevity the amistad phenomena has  but one thing is certain -- with spielberg ', s rousing  substantive film leading the way  the spotlight has now illuminated this chapter of american history .
pos you know you ', re in for a truly different cinematic experience the moment you realize steve buscemi has been cast as the movie in question ', s most normal character . such is the case with " the big lebowski  " joel and ethan coen ', s first venture since their " fargo " nabbed nationwide acclaim and a mantlepiece of academy award nods . there ', s no need to fear that the coens suffered creative burnout with that accomplishment  because " lebowski " is an effort that makes words like " strange " and " unusual " seem like an understatement . thanks in part to delicious characterization and an all - encompassing sense of humor  the film is a smashing success . the central oddball here is the dude ( jeff bridges )  an unemployed cad whose ambitions appear to be zilch beyond smoking pot  drinking beer and going bowling ( are you college students already rooting for him  or what ? ) . one night  a pair of thugs break into his house and pee on his carpet  a threatening act that ', s supposed to be carried out against a famous pasadena millionaire ( david huddleston ) who shares his birth name -- jeff lebowski -- with the dude . once the dude realizes this coincidence  he visits the big lebowski in hopes to claim reparations for his soiled rug  and is back to his normal life with alley pals walter ( john goodman )  a hotheaded vietnam vet  and donny ( buscemi )  a mild - mannered surfer  before too long . soon  though  lebowski ', s trampy trophy wife bunny ( tara reid ) is kidnaped and held for a hefty ransom  and he turns to the dude for help . it seems bunny ', s troubles are related to a line of work she ', s kept secret from her husband -- she ', s actually an adult film star and is very in debt with a shady producer named jackie treehorn . the dude  now on lebowski ', s payroll  accepts the offer and agrees to handle the money drop ; walter tags along and insists that the dude keep the cash for himself . chaos obviously ensues  and the dude eventually finds himself in hot water with cops  crooks and lebowski ', s ultra - eccentric artist daughter maude ( julianne moore ) . " the big lebowski " deserves to win the coens the same amount of acclaim that " fargo " did ; while that 1996 black comedy was certainly a better film  " lebowski " is at least as breathtakingly imaginative . the movie boasts a mile - high absurdity level that sometimes threatens to topple over  but thankfully never does . the coens ( joel directed  ethan produced and both wrote ) keep you in stitches as they unravel their exceedingly loopy tale  and must be commended for juggling a number of people and subplots one would expect to find in a robert altman flick . whether we ', re watching bridges fend off a marmet in his bathtub or moore don viking duds and dance in a busby berkeley - esque dream sequence  " the big lebowski " is immensely lively . there are those who will dislike this film  but not because it ', s boring . the cast has a great deal of fun with the bounteous material they ', re given . bridges exudes a likeable  surprisingly sweet presence ; his dude sure isn ', t the cleanest guy around  but you ', d still follow him to another movie . goodman merits 1998 ', s first oscar consideration  as walter ', s manic temper is one of " the big lebowski " ', s many highlights ; the same goes for moore  whose throaty  delectable performance as maude is a hilarious hoot . john turturro may very well steal the movie with his two scenes as a colorful bowler from a rival faction . sam elliott ', s rambling narration gets the film off to a solid start . and some will recognize peter stormare -- " fargo " ', s silent heavy -- as carl hungus  a porn star who ', s really a samurai sword - wielding german nihilist and has - been pop star . only in its final third does the movie falter  with a couple of loose plot threads and some cast members who quickly disappear and never emerge for a curtain call . these flaws are forgivable  though -- the coens have crafted a tale so rich with personality that it ', s hard to look at the final product with anything but a big grin on your face . without a doubt  " the big lebowski " is the best film so far this year . sure  we ', re only three months in and the competition ( " deep rising  " " desperate measures  " " the wedding singer  " etc . ) has been pretty bland  but it ', s still the gospel truth . maybe during next awards season  " lebowski " won ', t be a far cry from " fargo . "
pos a couple of months ago  when i first downloaded the face / off trailer from the net  my initial reaction was a fourteen carrot gold ', yawn ', . followed swiftly by a press of my computers delete key  not wanting to waste six or seven megabytes of precious space on this piss - poor trailer . then i started reading the first wave of reviews from the u . s . . . . . unique . . . excellent . . . . must - see . well  i thought still skeptical  i suppose i might as well go see it when it gets here . ', here ',  of course  was still three months away . i ', ll admit  when i trotted off to see this film  the only john woo movie i had seen before was the fairly enjoyable but highly forgetable broken arrow . i ', d heard good things about his previous work with movies like hard boiled  but his films were definitely not on my must - see list . that  let me tell you  has changed completely . i knew this fact only five minutes into the film  after the brilliantly shot and acted opening sequence where sean archer loses his son blew me off my feet . the acting throughout the film is staggeringly good for an action flick . seriously . i ', ve never been a big john travolta fan  but he  like cage  perfectly suited his role in the movie . . . . . sorry  make that ', roles ', in the movie . even travolta ', s great performance  however  paled in comparison to cage ', s character portrayals . my favourite cage scene was definitely when he was crashed out in compardre dietrich hassler ', s hideout . half drugged out of his mind  he sits there reclining back in a chair talking about his son ', s death from castor ', s perspective - " doesn ', t it just break your heart . " he mutters coldly . now don ', t go thinking from the previous comments about brilliant acting that this is a drama focused movie - it ', s not . that ', s what really makes this movie unique . it ', s an action movie with brilliantly portrayed characters . . . . . not a common mix at all . suspension of disbelief is paramount in this movie though . . . . . that ', s the only way to overlook the fact that travolta and cage fire around 5671 rounds at each other . . . . and never hit . several action scenes are just so well choreographed that they just make wish that you could press ', rewind ', and watch it over again . the part where archer and troy have a stand off on either side of a double - sided mirror is just plain brilliant . whilst cage ', s and travolta ', s performances would be enough alone to sustain most movies  the lesser characters are just as intriguing . joan allen  who usually sticks to the straight drama movies  plays her part perfectly as archer ', s long suffering wife . i like the fact that her character didn ', t end up toting a gun at the end of the movie . . . it would have wrecked her potrayal . gina gershon was surprising to say the least as castor troy ', s mistreated girlfriend . . . . . make that * one of * castor troy ', s mistreated girlfriends . other movies would have used her character as just window dressing . . . a sex object  but instead her character is very strong and independent . dominique swain  who plays archer ', s daughter  also does a nice job  though her character is not as explored as much as allen ', s or gershon ', s . faults ? well . . . there were some i have to say . first  the movie ', s ending  whilst being very good overall  was a bit too drawn out for it ', s own good . after the two combatants begin duelling again after the final boat crash you can ', t help but think - " geez  are you guys nuclear powered or what ? " . there were certain bits that weren ', t handled properly  like where archer appears safe and sound on solid ground after jumping off the converted oil platform / prison - more explanation here would have been nice . overall  this movie was not perfect . but i thought it was about as close as an action movie has ever came to perfect . many critics have claimed that this movie will change the way action movies are made . . . . . i certainly hope so .
pos those print and television ads trumpeting that " ', grease ', is still the word " are right on the money . to celebrate its 20th anniversary  this quintessential movie musical is getting the royal treatment reserved for classics like " star wars " -- a well - deserved  red - carpet rerelease . that ', s fantastic  especially when considering of all the classic characters and scenes the film has served up -- who can forget aspiring beautician frenchie ( didi conn ) being serenaded by her tell - it - like - it - is guardian angel ( frankie avalon ) ? or the hard - nosed principal ( eve arden ) reminding the student body to " be an athletic supporter " by rooting for the home team ? or national bandstand emcee vince fontaine ( edd byrnes ) flirting with marty ( a pre - " empty nest " dinah manhoff ) ? and these are all probably considered minor moments . . . a very skinny john travolta and a very young olivia newton - john have the respective leads of danny zuko and sandy olsson  and their pairing still ranks as one of screendom ', s most effervescently charming . for those eight of you who aren ', t familiar with the story  here ', s a brief recap : greaser bad boy danny and aussie good girl sandy are reunited for their 1959 senior year at rydell high after a brief fling during the summer ; both thought she was going to return to her native continent before school started  but both were wrong . sandy tries to rekindle their relationship  but danny ', s too cool a cat to fall for her wholesome appeal in front of his t - bird buddies ( including jeff conaway ) . so sandy hooks up with a gang herself -- the pink ladies  headed by sassy  sexy rizzo ( stockard channing  just superb as an independent woman well ahead of her time ) -- and danny  who still really feels love for her  attempts a compromise of ideals in order to win her back . the drag race finale is yet something of a drag  and i never have thought much of " greased lightening  " the film ', s big " guy " number ( that choreography -- ack ! )  but " grease " ', s flaws amount too few to carp . the movie ', s first showpiece is " summer nights  " where danny and sandy separately recount wildly different versions of their fun - in - the - sun romance . not only is " nights " tremendously catchy  but it ', s also a smart look at how men and women see the same events with varying eyes . there has yet to be a live - action musical sequence that rivals the one - two punch of " you ', re the one that i want " and " we go together  " " grease " ', s euphoric cappers . all this and some of the most pleasing moments come from the smaller  quieter moments ; the oscar - nominated " hopelessly devoted to you " is a lovely showcase for newton - john  and channing ', s lamenting ballad " there are worse things i could do " is one of " grease " ', s most unjustly overlooked tunes . the soundtrack is remastered ( though travolta still hits that awful high note at the end of " nights " ) and the restored widescreen allows us to see previously pan - and - scanned - out choreography  but nothing else has changed -- no computer - generated backgrounds  no outtakes or new musical numbers  no jabba the hutt cameos . and it ', s a testament to " grease " ', s timeless success that nothing needs to be changed -- it ', s the same all - around blast it ', s always been  with an appealing cast in a fun story told with great music . to ', 90s viewers  " grease " will probably recall disco and bellbottoms as much as it made its original audience nostalgic for doo - wop and poodle skirts . but regardless of what decade it transports us to  we can all agree on one thing -- without a doubt  " grease " is still the word .
pos the party is one of those classic slapstick comedies that will leave you  at times  cracking up . the film takes place  for the most part  in real - time during an exclusive evening party that is attended only by the biggest names in hollywood . hrundi v . bakshi  played very well by peter sellers  is a struggling actor who just came to america from his homeland  india . hrundi tries out his acting talents  but it seems that he just isn ', t cut out for the job . on the set of his current film that he stars in  hrundi seems to make everything go for the worse . during the filming of this movie set in the 1800 ', s  hrundi manages to annoy the director ( herbert ellis ) in any way he can . this includes a pitiful acting job in many scenes  wearing an underwater watch in one scene  and accidentally detonating a massive set . many of the hollywood producers and big names want hrundi out of the business forever . and when the director makes a personal phone call to mr . clutterbuck ( j . edward mckinley ) pleading for hrundi ', s ejection from hollywood  everything is pretty much over for hrundi . clutterbuck writes his name down on a piece of paper to insure that hrundi will never again work in hollywood . but when this piece of paper turns out to be the guest list for clutterbuck ', s exclusive party  hrundi is invited  and certain chaos is bound to occur . of course  as predicted  hrundi causes lots of trouble . each scene in which hrundi encounters a situation  usually one that he can ', t handle  is almost always very humorous . and each scene with hrundi and the drunken waiter  who is alone hilarious  adds to the comedy in a great way . the party can be compared to many other films of it ', s type  specifically the trio of naked gun movies and the airplane movies  but the party is a delightful movie that incorporates very well played out comedy into believable situations . it also includes a number of memorable scenes ( can anyone say " birdy num - num " ? ) . if you ', re in the mood for fun and enjoyable slapstick comedy  check out the party . it ', s not going to be one of your all - time favorites  but if you enjoy this type of humor  you ', ll enjoy the party .
pos once again  the battle is dreamworks versus disney : earlier this year  the mammoth companies fought to the death with their end - of - the - world asteroid flicks  deep impact and armageddon . here we are now  just a few months later  and they ', re at it again with dueling bug movies  antz and a bug ', s life . what i find so astonishing is that both pairs of movies are so inherently similar in both story and execution . i mean  come on -- what were the chances of two studios both deciding to bring out computer - animated films about bugs ? as was the case with the meteor movies  disney has come out on top : though antz is a likable movie  a bug ', s life is far superior . in fact  this movie made me realize what was wrong with antz : i became immersed in the world of a bug ', s life  while antz just made me scrutinize everything . but it ', s not really fair to base an entire review on a comparison . a bug ', s life is a remarkable film in its own right  and deserves to be seen apart from any other computer - animated film about bugs . in fact  it ', s one of the best films this year : it ', s smart  subtle  and funny  but it ', s also perfect family entertainment and relentlessly entertaining . i haven ', t had such a good time at the movies in months . it tells the story of an ant named flick ( voice by dave foley ) ; he ', s a nice guy  but he ', s also a troublemaker . the ants spend all season putting together the offering  a big pile of food that they provide for the grasshoppers . just before the grasshoppers come  flick accidentally knocks over the offering  and ruins everything for the entire colony : the grasshopper ', s leader  hopper ( kevin spacey )  is enraged  and tells them that the ants need twice the food by the end of summer  or they ', re all dead . flick  feeling responsible for this  sets off to look for help -- he realizes that the only way to be rid of the grasshoppers is to fight them . he heads to the city ( the city being a house a few miles away )  where he finds a colorful bunch of circus bugs : a ladybug ( denis leary  who is spectacular )  a black widow ( bonnie hunt )  a caterpillar ( joe ranft )  a butterfly ( madeline kahn )  a rhinoceros beetle ( michael mcshane )  and a stick ( david hyde - pierce  also giving a hilarious performance ) . flick doesn ', t know they ', re actors  and they don ', t know that flick needs them to kill a bunch of grasshoppers  so they return to the colony with flick and find themselves in an unusual position . the most obvious element of a bug ', s life is the quality of animation . created by pixar  the same people who brought us toy story  a bug ', s life has some of the most amazing visuals i ', ve ever seen . the bugs seem to inhabit a three - dimensional space  and occasionally there will be a shot that is indistinguishable from live action . this is a lush  colorful world  full of life and imagination : the way the animators insert the things all of us see in our daily lives ( matches  bottlecaps  tin cans  etc . ) and make them active objects in the bugs ', world is innovative . the film is also mercilessly exciting  particularly in a superbly - staged scene involving our heroes ', escape from a bird ( a little bird never seemed so huge and threatening ) . but the makers of a bug ', s life know where the importance lies : story and characters . flick  with solid voice work from foley  is a great guy to lead the story . but the real treat comes with the circus bugs ; they ', re such a likable group of characters -- the standouts are the stick ( hyde - pierce is so good )  francis the ladybug  and the big fat caterpillar . all of these bugs have more than a token personality  which makes the suspenseful scenes work because we care about the bugs  and it also keeps the tear - jerking scenes from seeming obligatory . in my review of antz  i said that the film is a clever cop - out because it presents a bunch of little humans reacting to an ant - like existence . in concept  a bug ', s life is basically the same movie  except that i was never given enough time to find things that i didn ', t like about it . with such strong work in both animation and script  a bug ', s life is nothing but a joy to sit through . it really is too bad that it had to come out so close to that other bug movie  but a bug ', s life is so good that i ', m sure it will find its audience . after a slew of endlessly violent and cynical movies  it ', s downright refreshing to sit through an innocent picture like this and laugh without feeling guilty .
pos eight years after its release  disney has decided to re - release the little mermaid theatrically for 17 days ( and 17 long nights ) only . coincidentally  it was reintroduced to theaters the same day fox ', s animated film anastasia was released . you know disney  they can ', t deal with the threat of any other studio getting even a small piece of the crust of the kiddie entertainment pie  so when someone else wants to make a little money  they counter with an old " masterpiece " from their vault and  you know what  i went to see this 1989 cartoon rather than the brand new one from fox . let no one say disney is losing its monopoly on the market . they still have hotels on boardwalk _and_ park place . believe it or not  today  november 25  1997  at 5 : 05 p . m .  i saw the little mermaid for the first time . it took me a few years to get over an aversion to this movie that was caused seven years ago  when i stayed with one of my mom ', s friends for a couple weeks . they had a young child who listened to the little mermaid soundtrack constantly and  over that two week period  i heard every song from the movie probably a hundred times . by the time i got back home  i promised myself i ', d never see the movie . but promises are made to be broken  especially when you ', re looking at a 17 - day  limited engagement . damn those shrewd disney marketers and their mind games . the little mermaid is based on a hans christian anderson fairy tale  but it ', s disney - ized  which means lots of talking animals and bursting into song . it also means the heroine is a total babe who shows off cleavage from a seashell bra at all times . i never wanted so much to be a pair of shells . . . the heroine  of course  is ariel ( voice of jodi benson )  a 16 - year - old mermaid who is going through that rebellious phase . she skips her concert to explore a wrecked ship and hang out with a seagull that talks like buddy hackett  who tries to orient her to the mysterious world of humans . she ', s also dealing with feelings she hasn ', t had before -- which comes when you get scales in places you didn ', t use to have them -- about a handsome prince ( no disney movie would be complete without one ) . her father  king triton of the merpeople  strictly forbids such lusting after the ways of the " savage " humans  in a condemnation that reads as a not - so - subtle analogy about old - fashioned parents who forbid interracial dating . what ', s a king to do  though ? the girl ', s in love and even total destruction of her little shrine to the human world doesn ', t deter her . ariel saves the prince ', s life when a hurricane rises up  and just has to meet him . she makes a deal with ursula  the sea witch ( voice of pat carroll ) . you know she ', s evil because she has a huge potbelly and one of the worst asses in cartoon history . she also has octopus tentacles for feet ( something those dr . scholl ', s corn pads will not fix ) and offers to help ariel out . she ', ll make her a human for three days if ariel will give up her pretty voice ; ariel has three days to make that prince kiss her  or else she becomes a slave to the witch forever . and if she pricks her finger on a sewing machine or eats an evil apple  she ', ll fall asleep forever . it ', s a simplistic plot  yes  but the little mermaid was a revolution in the disney world  coming after such lackluster efforts as the black cauldron and oliver and company . it ranks as one of the best disney cartoons  certainly since the ', 50s . all the elements are there -- memorable songs like " under the sea " and " kiss the girl  " cartoon animals like sebastian and flounder  an evil villain who still has characterization and charm  and a fair amount of humor that caters to adults as well as children . the little mermaid is worth a big - screen ticket in 1997  so hurry up  you only have five days left . serving america for more than 1 / 25th of a century !
pos in a flashback  the teenage girl in the eccentric family in the canadian film  the hanging garden  tells her senile grandmother that she is going to a school dance . horrified  the grandmother wants to know if her granddaughter knows " the rule of 6 . " if you don ', t break off a kiss by the count of 6  then you committed a sin with the boy . and most of all  the grandmother wants to know if she has " protection ? " she must carry a rosary in her pocket at all times . the richly acted film is written and directed by thom fitzgerald in a quirky but loving style . although some may refer to the film as yet another dysfunctional family picture  that moniker misses the mark . yes  every member of the household has their own special problems  but the writer didn ', t choose to name so many characters for various flowers by accident . this delightful little picture mixes love  tragedy and pathos  resulting in a hopeful and almost magical concoction . during the opening credits we observe the boy  sweet william  at the center of the story . first  he ', s an average sized young lad who is slapped off - screen by his father . next  he ', s 300 pound teenager  played with hopelessness and depression by troy veinotte . when the opening credits end  we cut to 10 years later . william is now an average - sized  reasonably happy adult  played with love and compassion by chris leavins . william has returned after 10 years absence to attend the marriage of his free - spirited and foul - mouthed sister rosemary to his first childhood lover  fletcher ( joe s . keller ) . kerry fox from an angel at my table and shallow grave plays rosemary with a compelling joy . nicole burnell  who gave such a devastating performance in the sweet hereafter  plays the teenage rosemary . the father of the family  whiskey mac ( peter macneill )  is an alcoholic autocrat who is more obnoxious than harmful . his wife  iris ( seana mckenna )  says that she would have left him years ago to at least go to some place warm were it not for her lack of money and her obligations to the kids . rounding out the family is christine dunsworth as nine - year - old violet  the sister whom william meets for the first time . as the exuberant irish music fills the air at the wedding in the family home  william wanders off to try on one of his old coats  which causes him to laugh at the size of his former self . the director manages to stage simple scenes in wonderfully imaginative ways . he takes a common wedding dress train and uses it to set up scenes in fresh and fascinating ways . rosmary ', s trip to the bathroom after drinking too much beer is beautifully orchestrated  and kerry fox is at her hilarious best trying to cope with the long train in a small bath  all while talking to her brother . as much as anything  the film is a series of character sketches . in one of the strongest we watch william in a flashback as he has his first sexual encounter  a homosexual one . although he is perfectly happy liking the same sex  his mother is aghast . a woman friend of hers suggests she take william to a local housewife  dusty miller ( martha irving )  who  for a fee  will have heterosexual sex with william . with absolute finesse the director crafts a subtle scene that manages to yield significant emotional punch without being sensational . dusty  after asking iris to watch her daughter  takes william and gently introduces him to the joys of sex with the opposite sex . all of this notwithstanding  he still prefers males . the film is at its most poignant in several sequences in which the grown william comes face - to - face with himself when younger . this causes his ugly old memories to be reignited . in the most devastating  he has to come to grips with his former self who was so overwhelmed with the stress that he tried to hang himself . even here  the director touches your heart without ever letting the story dissolve into anything approaching a tearjerker . the ultimate result is an uplifting story that has more hope that one would ever expect from the outline of its plot . the hanging garden runs 1 : 31 . it is rated r for strong sexuality  language  violence and some teen drug use and would be acceptable for teenagers only if they are quite old and mature .
pos ( dimension films  " scream 2 " ', s distributor  has asked press to say extremely little -- if anything -- about the film ', s twisty plot . that ', s no easy task considering the wit that deserves to be mentioned here  but i will do my best to be vague ( now  there ', s a first ) . ) " the first one was [ good ]  but all the rest sucked  " said a cinematically - savvy teen in last winter ', s wes craven thriller " scream  " her statement referring to the films of the " nightmare on elm street " series but really putting down franchise overkill in general . the comment certainly carries clout : for every truly great sequel  there appears to be a couple of duds  making one wonder if writers are better off sticking solely with fresh ideas . but like it or not  along comes " scream 2 . " and believe it or not  it ', s a doozy -- a slick  sinister  madly subversive good time at the movies  as intent on sending up hollywood ', s sequel syndrome as much as its prequel poked fun at slasher conventions . " scream 2 " is definitely that rare movie thing -- a follow - up that can stand along side its original with pride . it ', s been two years since a pair of overzealous horror movie fans clad in edvard munch - esque get - ups carved their way through the young populace of woodsboro  california . those surviving the ordeal have gotten on with their lives . plucky heroine sidney prescott ( neve campbell ) is a drama student at the midwestern windsor college ; her pop culture - whiz pal randy meeks ( jamie kennedy ) has tagged along . trash tabloid reporter gale weathers ( courteney cox ) has written a best - seller based on their ordeal  the basis of which has been turned into a ( very bad ) movie called " stab . " and dewey riley ( david arquette )  still suffering from wounds inflicted during " scream  " has left his job as a police officer for a while . life is tranquil . . . at least for a while . several sudden murders bring sidney  randy  gale and dewey together again  but with suspicious eyes cast on each other and most of those in their surroundings -- if these four people learned anything from the past  it ', s to trust no one . thus  the possible victim / potential killer list includes said quartet  as well as : derek ( jerry o ', connell )  sidney ', s new beau ; cici ( sara michelle gellar )  a chatty sorority gal ; joel ( duane martin )  gale ', s cameraman who ', s not too thrilled with her blood - soaked past ; hallie ( elise neal )  sidney ', s sassy roommate ; debbie ( laurie metcalf )  a local reporter who gives gale some not - too - friendly competition ; and mickey ( timothy olyphant )  randy ', s good friend and fellow film student . cotton weary ( liev schreiber )  the man sidney wrongly accused of her mother ', s murder in scream  also shows up on campus -- but why ? like the first scream  craven and screenwriter kevin williamson inaugurate things with a bang . this time  it ', s an extended sequence that finds an african - american couple ( jada pinkett and omar epps ) attending a sneak preview of " stab  " making sly references about everything from sandra bullock to the lunchmeat non - roles of blacks in slasher cinema . before tragedy ensues at the screening  the movie - within - a - movie setup allows for plenty of jokey moments  including a scene from " stab " which turns scream ', s now - famous drew barrymore prologue on its ear . ( " b ----  hang up the phone and star - 69 his a -- ! " pinkett yells at the screen . ) it ', s funny  creepy stuff ( i don ', t think i ', ll ever feel safe in a movie theater again ) that effectively foreshadows the ratio of smart scares and spoofy laughs down the road . another flawless example of this is a riotous cell phone - assault of the killer on randy  dewey and gale in broad daylight ; it builds comedically and ends with genuine terror because of the emotional investment made on these delicious characters . there are other superb set pieces  but explaining them risks ruining their effect . there are more players this time around as to provide both a higher number suspects and a staggering body count . it ', s something of a trade - in -- the new characters are too large in number to be as fully - developed as the original " scream " gang  but this movie packs in knowing performances ( especially by kennedy and cox ) and more death for your dollar . it can be argued that  while the original might outclass it by a tad  scream 2 is both scarier and funnier . it certainly doesn ', t skimp with shocks -- a major one being the killing of one cast member very near and dear to my heart ( i actually questioned craven and williamson ', s judgment here  considering how much this person has added to these films ) . sometimes you wish that more could have been done with stab -- the two scenes we ', re shown are dead - on -- but for film fans  there are plenty of subtle nods to movies like " the usual suspects  " " aliens " and " the empire strikes back . " still  " scream 2 " does so many things right  it ', s petty to quibble . its penchant for parody is irresistible  discussions of the merits of film sequels and all . the attractive  solid cast is a definite bonus . and the denouement ( while not as shocking as " scream " ', s ) is priceless ; the film ', s final revelation incorporates bits of a particular horror film prominently referred to in " scream " with one of the best bad guy motives ever put on paper . all this and a " scream 3 " is in the works . knowing the series ', tendency for self - reference  perhaps one of its characters will again discuss the concept of sequel justice . mentioning " scream 2 " ', ll help them in their argument .
pos edward zwick ', s " the siege " raises more questions than it can convincingly answer or even clearly articulate . its subject is the rising threat of terrorism in american cities . denzel washington is anthony " hub " hubbard  who runs the fbi ', s anti - terrorism task force in new york . his investigation into arab terrorist cells intensifies when suicide bombers take out a busload of people . hub focuses on a mysterious cia operative ( annette bening )  whose goes by both " elise " and " sharon . " as the terrorist attacks continue and the body count rises  the question of martial law is raised . enter general devereaux ( bruce willis )  who opposes martial law at first but who  as soon as the president decides to send in the army  begins herding arab immigrants into a prison camp and attacking every link that hub uncovers in the terrorist chain . hub listens as devereaux tortures and murders a suspect . the future zwick and screenwriter lawrence wright offer is all too possible . what would happen  they ask  if terrorism became as much a fact of daily life in new york as it is in cities like beirut and belfast ? what would happen to our civil liberties if soldiers patrol our streets with machine guns ? these questions " the siege " answers in realistic detail . it implies tougher ones  though : what can be done to combat terrorism without sacrificing justice and freedom ? if we encourage terrorism abroad ( from bening ', s character we discover that the cia trained the bombers )  will it inevitably come back to us ? " siege " avoids the tougher questions by endowing its hero  hub  with a uncompromising sense of clear right and wrong . this comforting fantasy of sir galahad confronting the evils of the modern world is an escape from the thought - provoking issues the movie raises . still  zwick deserves credit for at least addressing the issue with as much realism as he does where so many movies ( willis ', " die hard " series  for example ) offer only a comic - book view on terrorism .
pos a movie that ', s been as highly built up as the truman show  with reviews boasting  " the film of the decade ! " and " a breakthrough ! " can only be leading up to letdown . that ', s no doubt -- it seems any movie with critical acclaim makes you think you ', re going in for the ride of your life  that you ', ll end up changed on the other side  and you come out of the theater going  " eh . . . * that ', s * what all the fuss was about ? " so  naturally  the truman show was building up to what was going to be a dissapointment . and i convinced myself  as i nestled into my uncomfortable movie theater chair  actually to try not to enjoy it . let me tell you  that is an impossibilty . the truman show is truly " the film of the decade " and " a breakthrough " and more . and you will come out changed on the other side . such a movie comes around only once in a lifetime  where you find yourself feeling everything that the character is feeling  and this  friends  is it . jim carrey shows that he doesn ', t need to talk out of his butt to entertain us ; that he can be as dramatic as any of hollywood ', s leading men . the film has a difficult premise to tackle  trying to set us up thirty years into the " truman show ', s " run  but tackle it it does  and perfectly . with flashbacks actually being flashbacks on the television show  you get the sense that you are viewing a * real * prime - time hit . and the way the camera constantly takes the forms it would in the " real " truman show is clever and well - done . people  rejoice ! this is the first oscar - worthy film of not only this year  but of the last five years . not since " schindler ', s list " has a movie captured human spirit and true despair so well . this is a classic in the making  and ( to borrow a line from esquire ', s review ) it stars jim carrey . nothing in his career to date and nothing he can do in the future will ever be able to top his role as truman burbank ; mark my word . for  as i said  this is the movie of a lifetime and the role is of the same calibre . forget special - effect ladden summer fodder . drop your romantic comedies in the trash . toss your thrillers and teen flicks on the pile . you need nothing more than " the truman show " to carry you through the summer  or for that matter  the year . oh ! and in case i don ', t see you  good afternoon  good evening  and goodnight .
pos go ', s is a gloriously slick hip machine . director liman ( who also photographed go ) and screenwriter august celebrate the drug / rave scene in l . a .  preferring to take ( comedic ) snapshots of troubled youth rather than critique them . after more than ninety minutes of pill - popping  tantric sex  car chases  and attempted murder  go even has a happy ending . this is the sort of film that gives members of the dove foundation splitting headaches ; as go wound down  i anticipated an anti - pill - popping - casual - tantric - sex - car - chase - attempted - murder sermon that ( blessedly ) didn ', t arrive . a la tarantino ', s pulp fiction  go is comprised of three separate but related stories . the basics are as follows : ronna ( polley ) is a bitter grocery store clerk facing eviction who turns to drug dealing for extra dough . her co - worker  simon ( the improbably named askew )  is a clubber from britain ecstatic about his first trip to vegas . zack ( mohr ) and adam ( wolf ) are soap opera stars escaping a career - threatening conviction by assisting a peculiar cop ( fichtner ) in a drug bust . perhaps because the innovative structure of tarantino ', s non - linear masterwork is by now old hat  the id - fueled go delighted me but rarely surprised me ( with the exception of that mind - reading cat ! ) ; pulp fiction zigzagged down roads unforeseen  but we see go ', s wheels turning from its first flash frame to the last . torontonian polley ( of the sweet hereafter ) refused to do publicity for this picture on the basis that she was " not pleased with " her turn as the ill - fated cashier . in go  she delivers  hands - down  her best performance to date . here ', s an ( overrated ) actress who agreed to appear on the poster  but not support her team at the junket or in interviews ; this sort of arrogance is commonplace for ms . polley  as anyone who has read of her political agenda in the canadian press will tell you . if she doesn ', t want to be the ingenue of the moment  she should have said " no  " not go . but i digress . go is a fun film  so chipperly depraved one can ', t help but turn off his moral judgment for its duration and enjoy the ride . in that sense  it ', s a departure from liman ', s last film  swingers  which at least lectured against self - absorption in the form of vince vaughan ', s trent and his subtle comeuppance in the story ', s clever epilogue ( which has been aped by mcdonald ', s for their latest commercial ) . i wish i cared more about go ', s characters : like the techno music they listen to  the bands of anarchists on display here are at once absorbing and vacuous . when the lights came up and stung my eyes  it was difficult to recall what about it entertained me . yet entertain me it did . go is light and frothy  featuring compelling if not endearing work by polley  timothy olyphant ( scream 2 )  and especially fichtner  whose homoerotic behavior is milked for effective laughs . fichtner is a character actor best known for playing backstabbers ( in heat  armageddon  and others ) ; his previously untapped comic abilities shine in go . unlike much of the film  fichtner is unpredictable .
pos what ', s shocking about " carlito ', s way " is how good it is . having gotten a bit of a bad rap for not being a big box office hit like pacino ', s previous film  " scent of a woman  " and not having as strong a performance as he did in that one ( he had just won an oscar )  " carlito ', s way " was destined for underrated heaven . that ', s what it is : an underrated gem of a movie . and what a shame because pacino and de palma both do amazing jobs with it  and turn it into a great piece of a pulpy character study . " carlito ', s way " deals with  well  carlito brigante ( pacino )  a puerto rican ex - drug kingpin  who gets out of a long jailterm when his coke - addicted  curly - haired lawyer ( sean penn ) points out a legal technicality . of course  carlito was actually awoken in prison  and has decided to go straight  even if he ', s really a crook at heart . carlito  like barry lyndon  is a man who is trapped by fate at every turn  and can ', t escape into something he is not . carlito ', s attempts at a clean  legal life are thwarted at nearly every turn . when he first gets out  a friend of his ends up leading him into a big shoot - out  where he has to kill a couple people to survive . he ', s constantly getting bugged by the government to see if he ', s doing anything illegal  and his lawyer finds himself neck - deep in a pile of shit  needing him to try and help him out  which includes him doing some prison breaking . carlito  like ratso rizzo  wants to go to miami ( since  according to film logic  that ', s where it ', s at )  but needs some funding . being a legend  he is quickly able to get a nice job running a big dance club ( this is the 70s  by the way  and since some of this takes place in night clubs  we get to hear all sorts of 70s classics  including several k . c . and the sunshine band tunes - my personal favorite ) . he gets a bodyguard ( the great luis guzman  at his best )  and is soon running a pretty good business  even if he ', s constantly attracting underworld young thugs  like benny blanco " from the bronx " ( john leguiziamo )  who is more than once pointed out to be a young version of carlito . on the other side  the symbol of promise and hope  is gail ( penelope ann miller - what happened to her ? )  his girlfriend from before prison . she ', s a goregeous ballerina  and a stripper  and soon carlito is trying to get back with her  and take her with him when he finally leaves for miami . while this relationship is never fully defined or anything  we get a sense of love between them  and they have some truly interesting scenes between them ( she never gives him addresses or locales - he always has to track her down ) . all of these elements clash together at the end  in a brilliantly executed  emotional climax  which is inevitable . when i say inevitable  i mean we see it at the beginning and then backtrack  putting a great spin on it . sure  it ', s going to eleveate some of the tension  but it gives the film a lot of depth  as carlito is seen trapped by fate . what ', s amazing is the big chase sequence ( amazingly done by de palma ) has a lot of tension and thrills . like " apollo 13  " we know what ', s going to happen  but we ', re still thrilled by what happens in the middle . it ', s also very emotional  thanks to a great script by david koepp  and amazing performances by pacino and miller . de palma is famous ( or infamous ) for lots of violence in his films . his earlier flim  " scarface " ( which starred pacino in the lead )  has a ton of it  especially at the end ( and a nasty chainsaw scene towards the beginning which i ', m still not over ) . but de palma actually reigns in more quieter scenes . to me  the best scene in the film is when carlito is on top of a building  looking down into the room where gail is doing ballet . this is the most brilliantly done  and most emotionally stimulating scene in the entire film  and probably the best in de palma film history . with a gorgeous soprano duet in the background  and rain pouring down onto a trashcan lid covering carlito ', s head  and a saddened  remorseful look on pacino ', s face  it ', s a tear - jerker ( well  for me  i dunno about you . . . ) . the acting from all is great  especially from the three leads . pacino was panned for his performance  chiefly because his accent wasn ', t puerto rican enough and  well  it wasn ', t as " strong " as his oscar - winning role in " scent of a woman . " well  his " scent of a woman " performance was great and all  but it was nothing really but  as comic kevin pollack said  a " foghorn leghorn impression . " in " carlito ', s way  " he ', s emotional  and strong  despite the fact that he ', s remorseful over his entire lifestyle  which he cannot change . i felt more for carlito brigante than i did for the tango - dancing  insult - throwing blind guy in " scent of a woman . " as i said  penelope ann miller is great  and she and pacino actually have very good chemistry . and they ', re scenes are well - written  with some good clever dialogue which adds some interest to an otherwise bland relationship . and sean penn is amazing as the coke - addicted rat attorney . every scene he ', s in  he has great energy  and even measures up to the greatness that is pacino . in smaller roles  john leguiziamo and luis guzman are great . " carlito ', s way " is one of those films which you heard about briefly  but when you finally watch it  you ', re absolutely blown away . it ', s a wonderful film  a highly underrated little masterpiece which was shelved after it didn ', t do so hot . but trust me and check it out . it ', s a great little film  and proof that the residential critics and mass populus are not always right .
pos life is beautiful is a rare treat : a lighthearted comedy that tackles a very serious subject without committing the sins of being disrespectful  or  even worse  humorless . it combines a charming romance with a dash of farce  stirs in a little poignancy  and ends up a very enjoyable movie . it ', s an italian film  but don ', t let that discourage you . subtitle - phobes will be missing a wonderful experience . life is beautiful opens as a sweet romantic comedy  with the clownish  but good natured guido ( roberto benigni ) arriving in a rustic italian town to work as a waiter for his uncle . the year is 1939  and guido literally stumbles into the girl of his dreams  dora ( nicoletta braschi ) . their romance seems to be picture perfect  with only one stumbling block : she ', s already engaged to another man . can guido overcome the odds and win his girl ? what do you think ? however  five years later  things have taken a turn for the worse in italy . the fascists have stepped up their race initiatives  which is bad news for the jewish guido and his new son giosue ( giorgio cantarini )  who are rounded up and shipped off to a concentration camp . unable to protect his boy in any other way  guido attempts to shield his young son from the horrors of the labor camp . he pretends that everything is all an elaborate game  with points awarded for such tasks as hiding  being brave and being very very quiet . as you can tell from the description  life is beautiful has two very different tones  but manages to excel at both of them . as a romantic comedy  it is sweet and funny . as a bittersweet tale of hope amid despair  it is touching . roberto benigni ', s work here has been compared with some of the best of chaplin ', s  and it is easy to see why . he is able to run the gamut of comic expression  from slapstick to farce  with a warm - hearted feeling that celebrates his downtrodden hero ', s " triumph of the underdog " spirit . life is beautiful treads a thin line when it turns its attentions to the holocaust . however  it is able to successfully navigate the minefield  without demeaning the gravity of the horrors involved  nor without losing its humorous edge that allows you to smile through the tears . with life is beautiful  benigni has created a triumphant  but bittersweet comedy . it ', s quite simply one of the most enjoyable times i ', ve had at the movies this year .
pos you ', ve probably heard the one about the priest and the rabbi  but never with the same dosage of featherweight charm that is sprinkled over ` keeping the faith ', . it ', s a fluffy comedy  thoroughly glazed with a sense of innocuous innocence and good cheer  regarding two moral topics -- love and religion -- and how a romantic triangle causes the two to collide head - on . as youngsters  brian finn  jacob schramm and anna reilly were an inseparable trio . while their friendship progressed  anna always had the compassion to shower them both with the same love and support  so neither would feel excluded . but tragedy soon struck  as anna was forced to move away . now adults  brian ( edward norton ) and jacob ( ben stiller ) hold similar but contrastive jobs . the likable and kind - hearted father brian is a catholic priest  while the spry and outgoing jacob acts as a jewish rabbi . on the basketball court  they refer to themselves as ` the god squad ', . in the relationship field  brian abides by his catholic principle of celibacy  but jacob has reached the point where finding a jewish bride is practically mandatory . everything changes when anna ( jenna elfman ) returns to new york to visit her childhood chums . now a workaholic  she devotes endless hours per week to her business  but does find spare time to reminisce with brian and jacob - both ecstatic about seeing their elementary school sweetheart once again . with these oddball ingredients tossed into one cocktail  there ', s bound to be some awkward romance between our three central characters . predicting the outcome is not entirely difficult  but ` keeping the faith ', is open  entertaining and refreshingly relaxed as it travels en route from point a to point b . edward norton has emerged as one of the finest  most flexibly versatile actors in hollywood - a success story sparked by his critically lauded debut in the 1996 thriller ` primal fear ', . after shockingly bitter roles in ` american history x ', and  most recently  david fincher ', s vicious ` fight club ',  a quaint romantic comedy might seem like a peculiar choice . not in the least . norton slips into the director ', s chair for the first time with ` keeping the faith ',  and here his incisive  resourceful approach helps add additional craft to a surprisingly perceptive screenplay by stuart blumberg . weighing every aspect  it is unanimously an impressive directorial debut . in addition  norton pushes all the right buttons with the sheepish sweetheart brian  generating a thoroughly likable screen presence . stiller ( the zipper guy from ` there ', s something about mary ', ) is firm and funny  boasting a fully - ripened comic maturity . elfman ', s perky repetition can grow tiresome ( such is occasionally the case on tv ', s ` dharma and greg ', )  but she seems perfectly rambunctious here . the remaining cast members offer fine support  from anne bancroft as jacob ', s animated jewish mom to milos forman as an elderly priest quick to contribute intelligent advice . ` keeping the faith ', is the perfect date flick . . . though perfection is not a word to associate with the film in general . there is turbulence during the process of lift - off  as numerous failed attempts at establishing the situation cloud the projected comedy ahead . once the film does settle in  it is often funny and always cheerful . stiller  norton and elfman have created three enormously lovable personalities . we enjoy their interaction  understand their various dilemmas and feel humbled to realize everything rings perfectly true . this is excluding the ending  which is acceptable and all  but seems to lack the charm and spontaneity of the preceding romantic entanglements . nonetheless  a narrowly mishandled finale certainly won ', t wipe the smile off your face  nor anyone else ', s in the audience . ` keeping the faith ', is a highly enjoyable romantic comedy  although one that is more observant while surveying the questions of love rather than religion . aww  what the hell . the quality is not quite heaven - sent  but this little charmer could revive our ` faith ', in a potentially tired filmmaking genre .
pos naturally  at the core of leon gast ', s " when we were kings " is the fight itself  for what a fight it was . thanks to the business savvy of don king  an ageing muhammad ali was pitted against the formidable hulk of heavyweight champion george foreman . fans were treated to an 8 round battle of endurance and strategy  as much as brute strength  that immediately entered boxing lore . with the benefit of the first - hand recollections of that old ex - pug norman mailer  this classic conflict is brought back to life . but " when we were kings " tackles issues that are harder to pin down than the simple facts of a boxing match . questions of political power and social justice appear throughout this documentary . gast could hardly choose otherwise  considering the vocal  uncompromising politics of muhammad ali . a member of the controversial black separatist movement the nation of islam  ali opens gast ', s film with a forceful swipe at the united states . when ali hollers " damn america ',  the audience knows the imprecation is heartfelt ; the brutal yet casual way it is uttered leaves no doubt that ali is speaking his mind . his decision to buck the draft for vietnam is defended with the same admirable fury : " no viet cong ever called me nigger "  ali reasons . despite showcasing ali ', s proud unequivocal politics  one of the most impressive features of " when we were kings " is the subtle way in which the documentary considers the difficulties inherent in the overarching philosophy of black unity and black symbolism that ali and his supporters champion . listening to the film ', s numerous commentators  it is clear that the geographic location for this " rumble in the jungle " is etched more in the imagination than anywhere you could place on a map . spike lee tells us that the event was a pilgrimage  a " coming home " to africa . foreman reminds us that africa is the " cradle of civilisation " . fair enough  but this homeland is a specific nation cursed with a less than inspiring reality . it is the newly founded zaire and it is ruled by president mobutu  a brutal dictator . while ali respects mobutu ', s ability to forge an independent african state  mailer notes that beneath the stadium in which the titans battled lay hidden the presidents well - stocked torture chambers . mailer ', s insights are lost on most of the film ', s commentators . george plimpton recalls that he always felt he was in the congo  rather than the newly christened zaire . with admirable restraint  gast quietly suggests that for many the grandeur of myth and history all but obscured the reality of zaire ', s squalid ruling elite . mobutu is not the only dubious character to benefit from the heady symbolism of black power . don king  resplendent in yellow kaftan and at ease with the " messiah " label attributed to him by a loyal disciple  passes himself off as the voice of a new black international solidarity . understandably  foreman believes he has gotten a raw deal . he may be  as one sympathiser notes  " blacker " than ali  but he is denied the iconic status shared by ali  the thuggish mobutu  and the tacky huckster don king . africa  zaire  inspirational leader or vicious dictator  all is left undifferentiated  unconsidered  in this optimistic celebration of black unity . little wonder that the people of zaire were shocked to find that ali ', s opponent wasn ', t white . admittedly  these issues are only hinted at  rather than substantially explored . the audience must consider the significance of these issues themselves  in their own time . there is just too much to cover  too much that is truly worthy of celebration  for a protracted political analysis to be justified . the excitement of james brown and b . b king in concert  for instance . and of course there ', s always ali to consider  as he shamelessly  and hilariously  hams it up in front of the camera  shadow boxing and uttering one inspired rhyme after another - " we gonna get it on coz we don ', t get along ! " . doubtlessly  considering the multi - faceted nature of the extravaganza they chose to cover  the makers of " when we were kings " faced numerous difficulties in deciding what issues  and what personalities  best deserved their attention . fortunately  by refusing to simplify their complex subject matter  they have captured the richness and excitement of this unique event .
pos kolya is one of the richest films i ', ve seen in some time . zdenek sverak plays a confirmed old bachelor ( who ', s likely to remain so )  who finds his life as a czech cellist increasingly impacted by the five - year old boy that he ', s taking care of . though it ends rather abruptly -- and i ', m whining  ', cause i wanted to spend more time with these characters -- the acting  writing  and production values are as high as  if not higher than  comparable american dramas . this father - and - son delight -- sverak also wrote the script  while his son  jan  directed -- won a golden globe for best foreign language film and  a couple days after i saw it  walked away an oscar . in czech and russian  with english subtitles .
pos anna and the king strides onto the screen in full regalia  wearing a brilliant suit of sumptuous landscapes  deep  vibrant colors and an epic storyline . it ', s true beauty comes from it ', s subtle ruminations on the politics of power  whether it ', s between governments  or the interplay between a man and a woman . anna ( jodie foster ) is a widowed british schoolteacher with a touch of wanderlust trying to grasp her quicksilver feelings concerning the recent death of her husband . with son in tow  she takes the employ of king mongkut ( chow yun - fat ) to tutor his son in the english language . mongkut sees the strength of the british and correctly surmises that his country ', s future lies in opening itself up to the ways of the western world . anna function is to help provide that link . the core of the film  of course  deals with the blossoming love between anna and mongkut as it attempts to germinate in the unfriendly soil of a shifting political climate . foster plays anna with equal parts clenched jaw and wide - eyed wonder . she is assertive  yet  respectful of the king as she initially tries to impose her western sensibilities upon him . it is one of foster ', s strongest performances since silence of the lambs in a role she could not have played earlier in her career . she brings a mature self - awareness and determination that might not have come across from a younger foster . it ', s a joy to watch her cagily bargain for her own measure of influence within the realm of mongkut ', s monarchy . when she makes her entrance into a politically charged banquet mid - film  she exudes a hypnotic beauty that is deepened by her textured performance . chow - yun fat ', s king mongkut is every measure of foster ', s anna  perhaps even more so . this is the chow yun - fat that hong kong cinema has been in love with for nearly twenty years . he is imposing  yet vulnerable  playful  but stern . it is an impressively assured and nuanced performance . precious time is stolen from the movie ', s 155 minutes running time by an unengaging subplot involving one the king ', s concubines ( bai ling ) and her love of a commoner . it strikes with the subtlety of siam ', s fabled white elephant as it stomps through the leisurely paced story . some may be put off by the action filled climax of the movie . although a bit inconsistent in tone from the rest of the film  it fits within the established subplot of a perceived siege by neighboring burma  a country backed by the british . anna and the king transcends being a predictable  traditional love story by avoiding mawkishness . it shows a seduction of intelligence . ever mindful of each other ', s positions  anna and king mongkut negotiate a maze of social customs  conflicting world views and lost loved ones to connect on a level that ultimately proves deeply satisfying  if not achingly bittersweet .
pos while screen adaptations of john irving ', s novels have been disappointingly uneven  the films have all shared one particular strength : key casting . who can forget john lithgow as roberta muldoon  the transsexual quarterback of " the world according to garp  " or nastassja kinski as susie the bear in " the hotel new hampshire " ? a lot of good casting decisions have gone into the making of " the cider house rules  " an adaptation of irving ', s poetic 1994 novel about a restless young man called homer wells . among those sound judgments was the decision to have the splendid tobey maguire assume the pivotal role ; the decision to cast michael caine as his mentor and father figure  dr . wilbur larch  the ether - addicted head obstetrician of the st . cloud ', s orphanage  maine ; and the decision to offer jane alexander and kathy baker supporting roles as his head nurses . then there are the brethren who populate the apple orchard where homer wells finds himself shortly after leaving st . cloud ', s  including delroy lindo  oscar ? - worthy as the foreman of the migrant work detail that drifts up and down the coast as the seasons take them . there ', s kate nelligan as the matriarch of the cider house  and charlize theron as candy  the lovely  lonely wife of a wwii bomber pilot ( paul rudd ) sent away on a mission overseas leaving candy to set lobster traps with homer wells  a man who ', s never seen the ocean before let alone a lobster . am i forgetting anyone ? yes . kieran culkin and paz de la huerta as dissolute orphanage residents who make you sit up and take notice every time they ', re on the screen . but with " the cider house rules  " the good people decisions don ', t end with the cast . irving has written his own screenplay in order to get it right this time ( last year ', s " simon birch  " loosely based on his " a prayer for owen meaney  " was a big - screen example of irving handled sub - standardly ) ; the author appears fleetingly as a stationmaster here . rachel portman  a composer of such sweet and lyrical tenderness  provides a score that ', s absolutely right for the project -- sweet  lyrical  and tender . there ', s impressive new england photography by oliver stapleton too . last but by no means least is " my life as a dog " director lasse hallstr ? m  who shows enormous skill in pulling this collective together and helping bring irving ', s marvelously touching story to life . for the many beloved who pass away in " the cider house rules  " it ', s an extraordinarily life - affirming story . and now  thanks to these talented individuals  it ', s an extraordinarily life - affirming film .
pos scream 2 has a titillating little scene that lays down the unwritten law of horror movie sequels quite well . during a film - class discussion  windsor college students articulate what these inevitable laws are  and why sequels never live up to the originals . a few rare exceptions are noted  but they left out one . . . scream 2 ! 1996 ', s surprise horror blockbuster scream became an instant hit and developed an obsessive coterie of fans which included almost every teenager in america ! a sequel was unavoidable  but luckily the re - teaming of writer kevin williamson and director wes craven gives us nothing to fear in the way of lost entertainment . in fact  at the risk of sounding sacrilegious to all the adorning fans of scream  i would say that scream 2 might even be the better film ! sidney prescott ( neve campbell )  the sinuous heroine who survived a series of murders in woodsboro  ca in the original scream  is now two years older and off to college  majoring in theater . meanwhile  tv journalist gale weathers ( courtney cox )  who covered the murders in the first film  has since written a book about the dreadful events ; a book titled " stab "  which has been developed into a major motion picture . as scream 2 opens  a crowd of overzealous teenagers are piling into a crowded movie theater for the premiere of " stab "  and before long  a young couple are butchered to death  unnoticed in the midst of hysteria . this marks the beginning of a new murder spree as an unknown " copycat " sets out to repeat what ', s been done . . . and finish what hasn ', t ! of course the killer is just as obsessed with movies as the killer in the first film  and yes  movies play a huge role in the bizarre psychological outlook the murderer holds as he / she goes about slaying an assortment of gorgeous twenty year olds  but this * is * a sequel  and without deviating from the original groundwork we are still given a fresh outlook on horror movies . this is in large part due to williamson ', s deliciously written script  which will easily leave you satisfied . as much as the film condemns the use of cliches  it is riddled with them  but it is done so effectively  and with skillful direction by craven  that you ', re not bound to complain . i will note  however  that the " whodunit ? " did wind up being the first person i suspected  but believe me  i kept changing my mind as i tried to stay one ahead of the movie . all the actors outdo themselves here . we ', re not talking oscar performances  but cambell  cox  david arquette as dewey riley  and jamie kennedy as randy all give surprisingly satisfying performances that go beyond their last outing . the characters remain true to their roots  and yet show a clear sign of development over the last two years . we can see how the events in the first film has affected them  but we don ', t lose any of the luster that made them such a delight to watch in the first place . the nice thing about scream 2 is that it doesn ', t seem off - kilter from it ', s predecessor . it ', s a natural  smooth  and believable ( as far as horror films go ) transition from film to film . we skip two years  but there doesn ', t seem to be any holes or shortcuts taken in connecting the two flicks . it flows so well that you feel more like you ', re reading chapter two of a book ( long chapters  eh ? ) than just revitalizing a cast of familiar faces . while main characters are usually the only connection in sequels  scream 2 ', s entire plot structure correlates * completely * with the first  making for immediate fondness and absorption . as i said before  scream 2 easily lives up to  if not surpassing  it ', s precursor . the only reason scream will likely be hailed above scream 2 is because it was the first . this doesn ', t mean that it overcasts the unique  whimsical humor or overall caliber of it ', s sequel  it just means that scream will forever be known as the movie that mocked it ', s own while maintaining it ', s sought - after qualities . if ever a film followed it ', s original so well  it would be scream 2  and it makes this a definite must - see for all those unbridled scream fans out there . scream 2 fits snugly alongside scream  and will hopefully receive as many high remarks . it would top off the series quite well  if it weren ', t for the fact that two movies don ', t really make a series . it ', s unlikely to assume that a scream 3 won ', t appear in the next few years  but if they do decide to turn this into an undeniably acclaimed horror - trilogy  let ', s hope they can keep up the fantastic work . like they say  don ', t mess with perfection . . . but when a money - making smash - hit is almost guaranteed  who ', s gonna listen ?
pos devotees of robert a . heinlein  be forewarned : paul verhoeven ', s starship troopers is less an adaptation of heinlein ', s novel than it is a literary satire . the author ', s jingo - all - the - way militarism and his tendency to create plastic characters with plastic conflicts had me expecting a soulless  faceless parade of carnage from the film version . and i suppose that ', s exactly what verhoeven delivers  with sometimes hilarious results . heinlein ', s basic motifs are so faithfully rendered that their flaws become a source of amusement  while their strengths become the stuff of high - energy entertainment . outlining the plot of starship troopers is a fairly silly endeavor  since it ', s basically a big bug hunt . . . aliens in broad daylight . sometime in the future  humanity is threatened by giant  malevolent insects which have evolved into twenty - foot - tall action figures ( arachnids with super - impaling spikes  beetles that spew forth lava  dragonflies with guillotine legs ) . among those who sign on to save the earth are a group of high school classmates from buenos aires : conflicted rich kid johnny rico ( casper van dien ) ; his math whiz girlfriend carmen ( denise richards ) ; dizzy ( dina meyer )  who secretly carries a torch for johnny ; and carl ( neil patrick " doogie howser " harris )  who not - so - secretly carries a torch for dizzy  and also has a talent for speaking telepathically to ferrets . while carmen heads for flight school and carl joins military intelligence  johnny and dizzy become mobile infantry  their various battles intertwining with romantic sub - plots out of a third season episode from " beverly hills 90210 . " so if starship troopers is another movie where one - dimensional characters wade through trite situations on their way to killing a bunch of aliens  what makes it any better than  say  independence day  a movie where one - dimensional characters waded through trite situations on their way to killing a bunch of slightly different aliens ? for one thing  you sense that the film - makers are aware of the pulp nonsense they have as source material . the very absence of major stars in the cast feels thematically appropriate  not just fiscally prudent . if starship troopers had been turned into a tv - movie  aaron spelling would have produced it . it ', s a story which requires emoting  not acting ; it ', s a prime time soap opera with big guns  played for all the dopey melodrama it ', s worth . the no - name cast also plays into verhoeven ', s treatment of heinlein ', s most controversial conceit . in this society  we learn  one can only be a full citizen after completing some sort of federal service  military for most . verhoeven pays the notion plenty of lip service  then proceeds to skewer it with brilliant mock recruitment ads ( named after the world war ii - era " why we fight " series ) in which youngsters are indoctrinated into the joys of firearms  or the pleasures of stomping cockroaches . these characters really are just " fresh meat for the grinder  " as one character puts it  which makes their lack of familiarity all the more fitting . it ', s not that starship troopers is anti - military  because it never treats the true horror of war as anything but a great big  violent video game . in fact  the characters are living the propaganda ( particularly johnny  who receives so many field promotions he may not remember his own rank by the time the film ends ) . verhoeven is actually having it both ways -- he ', s making fun of gung - ho boosterism even as he fires his fresh - faced recruits into battle on a gung - ho booster rocket of visual effects . if that makes starship troopers hypocritical  at least it ', s enthusiastically staged hypocrisy . there may not be a person worth caring about in the whole film  but it moves like nobody ', s business . verhoeven stages some thrilling action sequences  sending swarms of bugs after the anonymous grunts then having various body parts strewn about the screen like landscaping . it is that rare special effects blockbuster which demonstrates a sense of pacing to match its budget ; i was caught up in the action enough of the time that i wasn ', t perpetually groaning over the absence of real human beings . i wish i could find it in myself to work up more outrage over the callous way humans are dispatched in starship troopers  but it didn ', t work out that way . that would be punishing verhoeven for getting to the heart of his material .
pos no  it is not a bad film  in fact it is so good in achieving its = purpose  i actually wished for the film to end itself quickly . event = horizon is not your run - of - the - mill sci - fi film  i ', m sure many who have = watched this will agree with me . it is not even original in that sense  = and it does borrow heavily from films like alien  hellraiser and even = blade runner . the magic of this film lies in its unorthodox setting and = methodical build - up that makes it wonderfully horrifying . the story brings us to the year 2050  where space travel have since = enormously progressed . the event horizon is actually a ship built for a = secret experimental purpose ; it has the ability to fold time and space = thus making it possible for travelling distances not reachable in a = man ', s lifetime . the ship disappeared as soon as it went into operation = but after 7 years  it reappeared again within the orbit of neptune . a = search and rescue team led by miller ( fishburne ) is given the task to = check for survivors of the event horizon . the designer of the ship  dr . = weir ( neill ) follows along to satisfy his curiosity on what actually = happened to his otherwise technologically impressive ship . event horizon is a sci - fi horror film  much truer to the word than say  = alien would ever be . while in alien  the crew has to cope with a = ferocious creature while encased within tight spaces  in event horizon  = the forces which goes against the crew is undefined but yet so powerful = and horrifying . the story unfolds itself slowly and the suspense buildup = is superb  up till the point where i really felt like saying out loud = ` enough ! i can ', t stand this anymore ! ', . there are more than enough jolts = to send your adrenalin pumping overtime . the story in itself is not = exactly something very exciting and also  the acting is only at most  = average by most commercial standards . even so  the essence of horror is = carried out very well in this film  thanks to its well - paced = storytelling  disturbing set designs and some really gory sequences = ( which incidentally  has been quite generously removed by our censorship = board ) . = 20 director paul anderson ( who did mortal kombat ) and his team of = ` atmosphere ', creators have done well in keeping event horizon within the = bounds of the term ` horror ', . this picture did not do very well in the us = box - office most probably for the dread - factor impact it has on most = audiences ; people will not see it again and not many would recommend = their friend to watch this . although on the face of it  event horizon is = mostly molded for mass - entertainment ; many thrills  spills and suspense = to keep audiences in focus . however  the offbeat horror element which it = ultimately convey audiences is very disturbing . my friend and i could = not say a word to each other for quite a while after going through the = ` experience ', of event horizon . i guess it was just the immense feeling = of dread which the film had cast upon us . be forewarned  this film is not for the faint - hearted nor for pure = entertainment . be prepared to be disturbed if you should decide to watch = this film ! event horizon is highly recommended = 85 = 85but at your own = risk ! it has been a long time since good - horror embraced the big screen  = and event horizon is one .
pos the " italian hitchcock " and acknowledged master of the giallo murder - mystery dario argento again offers us a fascinating turn on the formula in pheneomena . this time the twist comes in the form of jennifer corvino ( jennifer connelly )  a bright teenager with gift for telepathically communicating with insects . sent to a girls boarding school in switzerland  she soon learns of a series of bizarre disappearances and at least one murder that has the school ', s population terrified . a chance meeting with a brilliant entomologist ( donald pleasance ) leads the two of them to team up and solve the mystery with the aid of her remarkable gift . phenomena is an imaginative  original thriller . writer / director argento creates several sequences of surreal  haunting beauty here  including a masterfully shot sleepwalking episode and a striking scene when a swarm of flying insects descends on the school at jennifer ', s beckoning . the plot takes some wonderfully bizarre turns and the killer ', s identity is genuinely shocking and surprising . the director took a big gamble with a soundtrack that mixes elements as diverse as heavy metal band iron maiden  ex - rolling stone bill wyman  and argento ', s favourite gothic / electronic outfit goblin . but it gels surprisingly well . the film ', s opening music reccurs several times  an eerie and evocative score that perfectly sets the overall tone . argento fans beware : the film was released outside europe in a terribly butchered form re - titled as creepers . this deleted nearly half an hour of footage  mainly of key dialogue scenes .
pos film adaptation of hunter s . thompson ', s infamous semi - autobiographical hallucinogen - fueled book of the same title . director terry gilliam of twelve monkeys ( 8 / 10 ) and brazil ( 7 / 10 ) fame  took over the helm of this project after fellow director alex cox ( sid and nancy ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) ) " apparently alienated everyone associated with the movie "  according to gilliam . plot : writer thompson ( depp ) heads down to las vegas with his attorney dr . gonzo ( del toro ) to cover a motorcycle race . during their trip  they systematically consume " two bags of grass  seventy - five pellets of mescaline  five sheets of high powered blotter acid  a salt shaker half - full of cocaine  a whole galaxy of multi - colored uppers  downers  screamers  laughers  a quart of tequila  a quart of rum  a case of beer  a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls . the movie presents us with the results of that heavy drug use . critique : i have given this movie two separate ratings because i believe that the enjoyment of this psychedelic picture is highly correlated with the amount of drugs or alcohol that would be floating around in the viewer ', s own mind  whilst inhaling this cinematic vision of excess . if you are prepared to get high or intoxicated before watching this film  i would say that this is one picture that you will thoroughly enjoy on a multitude of colorful levels . if  on the other hand  you decide to stray from the addition of nefarious elements to your system  i could not imagine you truly appreciating much of this drug - induced picture ', s entire ride ( 5 . 5 / 10 for all those sober dogs ) . note : i have not read thompson ', s book . having said that  joblo did engage in an alcohol - based consumatory session before ( and during ) the viewing of this film  so his critique of the film should be appreciated on that level . this movie relies heavily on style and peculiar humour  rather than substance or plot . it moves admirably from one scene to the next  without much basis of their being  while presenting us with the two days in the life of writer hunter s . thompson during which he seemed to consume more drugs and alcohol than anyone could ever imagine . it was 1971  and the times were apparently " a ', changing " in the states . johnny depp chews into his role like an overgrown child sucking on a chocolate lollipop . during the filming  depp apparently become fast friends with real - life writer thompson  and was known to wander off the set from time to time  for the sake of checking out the newest barmaid at the local watering hole . i thought he did seem to exaggerate his walk a little bit too much  but then again  this movie is supposed to be a wild exaggeration of everything and anything  so who am i to talk . the one thing that did blow my mind was the actual physical transformation endured by actor benicio del toro for his role as dr . gonzo . i couldn ', t believe that this fat  samoan lawyer  was the same guy who played the slick mumbling criminal in the usual suspects ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) . word on the street is that gained over 40 pounds for this role  and i must say that his look was deliciously reprehensible . plenty of cameos also pepper this kaleidoscopic moving picture in the form of ellen barkin  christina ricci  tobey maguire and cameron diaz  along with a bunch of others . other than that  the soundtrack was expectedly eclectic  the style was not as wild as i thought it would be  and the ending was certainly not much of a barn - burner  but then again  who really noticed . this movie is about visions of bats floating through your head  johnny depp looking goofy and being bald  and the cornucopia of drug - ravaged scenes filling your own intoxicated system with ideas of anarchy  rebellion and the lost american dream . and for all those who plan on seeing this movie without the partnership of a mean drink or a mighty doobie  i suggest you move further down the aisle  buy yourself a ticket to godzilla ( 6 / 10 )  and enjoy the visual fabrications manufactured for the unstimulated mind . little known facts : depp and del toro snorted plenty of powdered milk instead of cocaine . bill murray also portrayed a thompson - based character in the film where the buffalo roam . johnny depp turned down roles in the three musketeers  speed ( 7 . 5 / 10 )  and legends of the fall ( 7 . 5 / 10 )  for smaller and quirkier roles in benny and joon ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) and what ', s eating gilbert grape ? ( 7 / 10 ) . in 1988  depp told rolling stone magazine that he ', d tried every drug by the age of 14 . johnny hung out with some of the members of oasis while filming the uncompleted divine rapture in ireland  and later played some slide guitar on the 1997 album  be here now . johnny was born in kentucky  is a high - school dropout  has nicknamed himself " mr . stench "  has been engaged to four women until now ( including actress winona ryder  whose " winona forever " tattoo had to be altered to " wino forever " after their breakup )  currently plays guitar in a band called " p "  and owns the viper room nightclub in l . a .
pos what is freedom ? how does one determine who is free ? in 1839  those questions were more difficult to answer then they are now . yet  the mistakes of our forefathers must be examined in order to rectify current situations . that is  in essence  what steven spielberg ', s gripping drama " amistad " is about . through its various dramas  spielberg presents a case about a group of africans  who  after being seized from their home  were forced onto a ship and sent to the united states aboard " la amistad " . on their way there  the slaves  led by cinque ( djimon hounsou )  rebelled  killing off part of the crew . however  the ship was still directed towards the united states  where the africans were brought to trial under murder . in the court  various factions claim ownership of the slaves  and therefore try to seize them away . the united states government  led by president martin van buren ( nigel hawthorne )  and secretary of state secretary forsyth ( david paymer )  try to ship the africans to spain  where an 11 year old isabella ii ( anna paquin ) wants them back . the two spaniards who own " la amistad " want the slaves for themselves . the american ship that found the slaves also wants them . in the midst of this are two abolitionists ( stellan skaarsgard and morgan freeman )  who want the slaves to be free . they enlist the help of lawyer matthew mcconaughey  who tries to free them . through various legal proceedings  the case appears before the supreme court  where it is argued by ex - president john quincy adams ( anthony hopkins ) . the film itself is a visual wonder . spielberg favorite janusz kaminski sets the film in a dark  somber mood when appropriate  and a visual setting when appropriate as well . at times  the film is very slow  and very methodical . however  spielberg is not at his finest here  because the courtroom scenes have a tendency to lag . the film is  in essence  a courtroom drama  one whose events are oversimplified . the characterization is also weak  displaying weaknesses in building up characters such as the lawyer baldwin ( mcconaughey )  and especially morgan freeman ', s abolitionist . but spielberg ', s finest work in the film  the opening scene  a scene of cinque ', s family  and the brutal voyage of the slaves to america  is altogether stunning . it is this emotional force that carries the film . mcconaughey is superb as the lawyer defending the africans  hopkins is sensational as the old adams  freeman is outstanding when used ( spielberg vastly under uses his supreme talents )  and the rest of the cast is stellar . the movie  however  belongs to hounsou . his emotional intensity is brilliant . spielberg manages to make even the slowest scenes sparkle with focus on hounsou  and the film ', s extraordinary power is simply captivating . the film is flawed  for most of the supporting characters are merely cardboard . but that doesn ', t matter . the story is a gripping one  and one of extreme importance . kudos to spielberg for finding it  finding the right men for the job  and letting the audience listen to the words of cinque . a good job all around .
pos your friends and neighbors is a rather bizarre film about 6 people  who hop in and out of bed with each other . written and directed by neil labute  who ', s first film  " in the company of men " was simply marvelous  disappoints a bit here with this one . the story involves two couples ( ben stiller & catherine keener and aaron eckhart & amy brenneman )  an artist assistant ( nastassja kinski )  and an egotistical women abuser ( jason patric ) . the character ', s names are not apparent and are not mentioned in the entire movie . each of the characters has their own sexual style and they don ', t seem to " merge " together well . so the group experiments behind their respective partners back . there are some hysterical scenes  one involves jason patric  aaron eckhart  and ben stiller ', s characters . they are all in a sauna  talking about their best " lay "  when jason patric ', s character makes a surprising confession . the whole scene is hilarious and exceptionally well written and acted . the enjoyed this movie  although it seemed a tad lengthy ( even though it only runs 99 min . ) . the film ', s cast is exceptional with oscar caliber performances by catherine keener  aaron eckhart  and jason patric . i would not recommend this film  to people who are offended by conversations that are very sexually explicit . it did seem to offend people  more than half of the people in the theater left during the film . although your friends and neighbors doesn ', t have the power of labute ', s earlier film it still manages to be somewhat entertaining and funny  while maintaining a melancholy philosophy on human relationships .
pos i love this movie  and i ', ve just seen for the umptenth time . unfortunately  it is also completly unknown and very few have seen it . it ', s my mission in life to spread the word : see this movie ! fred  george  doug and howie are reaching middleage . three of them have a wife  kids and a house in the suburb with a mortgage to pay . only fred is still a bachelor . together they take the local train every morning to work in town . on one of their organized thursday evenings at a bar  fred tells them of his boss and the arrangements he has made to keep a mistress . he has gotten an apartment in downtown where he can meet her but has told his wife that he needs the apartment to spend the night after staff meetings every thursday night . since they always split everything four ways  they decide that they should get an apartment with a young woman as well  kathy . however  kathy isn ', t completly honest to them . in fact  she is a sociology student writing a thesis about the sex life of the suburban male . with these four species she believes that she will make a very good paper . ok  have one thing clear though . the romantic rendezvous ', between kathy and each of the men are completly innocent . the script stays above the waist - or to be precise  above the neck . noboyd claims that kathy is their mistress  the four guys call her their ', companion ', . the censorship board here in sweden considered it to be suitable only for people above 15 years  but that only shows how long ago 1962 was . small children could watch this without being corrupted . kim novak is as lovely as always in this movie  even if she seems to be a bit too old for a student . james garner is the playboy just like in many other movies . i liked howard morris the best as howard the accountant who has to diet to support his wife . tony randall is funny as always . 1962 was more than 35 years ago . how many accountants  copywriters or investment bankers can today afford to live in a house in the suburb with a lot of kids and a wife who does not work ? this is the white middle class  i can ', t remember that i saw any blacks on the commuter train they use . these are the people who can count on their kids to live an even better life than themselves . perhaps this should also be a subject for a thesis in movie sociology ?
pos i remember seeing the trailer of the black cauldron on the pinocchio video . it really scared me  and i didn ', t want to go see it . however  after i heard about how wonderful it was  i wanted to see it . i didn ', t get a chance to do so  until now . the film  disney ', s 25th animated feature  opens with a menacing shot of a great black cauldron unshrouded by mist as a narrator begins to tell the tale : a long time ago in the land of prydain  there was a king so evil  that his spirit was captured in the cauldron . it has been hidden for centuries  and whoever possesses it will have the power to conjure up an army of deathless warriors  and with them rule the world ? and destroy it . then  we meet a farmer - wizard  dallben  and his young apprentice  taran . taran dreams of being a warrior instead of being a ` pig - keeper ', ( they have a pig named hen - wen ) . one day  as he gives hen wen a nice warm bath  the pig goes crazy  and dallben then realizes  after watching hen wen ', s thoughts through a bucket of water  that taran must hide hen wen in the forest . an evil ruler known as the horned king is searching for the black cauldron  and only hen wen has the power to show its location . taran leads hen wen into the forest  but of course  he loses her  and tries to go find her . along the way  he meets up with a mischievous little creature named gurgi  who desires ` munchings and crunchings ',  much to his dismay ( besides  he stole an apple that taran was trying to use to bring back hen wen ) . when he hears hen wen ', s squeal from far away  though  he races to her rescue ? only to see her get kidnapped by dragonlike gwythants . taran chases after the gwythants and finds himself staring at the horned king ', s castle from far away . taran climbs the castle walls  and brings himself into the castle  where he attempts to rescue hen wen . he manages to do so  but he is himself captured and thrown into the dungeon . there  he meets princess eilonwy ( and her magic bauble  another thing which the horned king was hoping to use to find the cauldron )  and the two escape through the deep castle walls . along the way  taran finds a sword in a burial chamber  and they rescue a comic bard named fflewdurr flamm  who has a harp whose strings break whenever he tells a lie . the three manage to escape the horned king ', s castle  but not before taran realizes that his sword is magic . as they rest in the forest  gurgi reappears  claiming to have found hen wen ', s trail . he leads taran  eilonwy and fflewdurr  by way of ` pig tracks ',  to a whirlpool . suddenly  they all get sucked under  and they meet the fairy - like fairfolk . taran is reunited with hen wen  and informed that the black cauldron is hidden in the land of morva . he then devises a crazy idea that if they can destroy the cauldron  it would prevent the horned king from destroying their world . with the help of a grumpy fairy named doli  the four travelers manage to find themselves at a mysterious cottage . it turns out to be no ordinary cottage ; three comically strange witches inhabit the place . when taran tells them that they are searching for the black cauldron  they agree to let him have it ? in exchange for his sword . taran agrees  much to eilonwy ', s horror  but at least they get the black cauldron . but ? the cauldron can ', t be destroyed  only its evil powers can be stopped . the only way to do so is for a living being to climb into it of his own free will ? never to return alive . things take a turn for the worse when the horned king ', s henchmen capture taran  eilonwy  and fflewdurr  along with the black cauldron  and lead them back to the castle . taran  eilonwy  and fflewdurr watch in horror as the horned king unleashes the supernatural powers of the cauldron to ressurect his army of deathless warriors ( this is the most horrifying scene in the film  because here  a dead army comes alive ? ) . just when all seems lost  though  gurgi reappears  and rescues taran  eilonwy  and fflewdurr . taran is about to jump into the black cauldron  but gurgi stops him  not wanting him to throw his life away . gurgi then jumps into the black cauldron  and the deathless warriors decay . taran tries to find a way to rescue gurgi  but he is forced to do battle against the horned king . he kicks the horned king away  who is then magically sucked into the black cauldron  where its powers immediately destroy him completely . taran  eilonwy  and fflewdurr manage to escape from the horned king ', s castle just as it self - destructs . the witches then reappear and attempt to take the now useless black cauldron away  but fflewdurr stops them  saying that they ` never give anything away  they bargain ', . in response to this  the witches offer taran his sword back  but taran instead has a new trade : the cauldron for gurgi . the trade is made ; gurgi ', s seemingly lifeless body reappears before the heartbroken group . as taran cradles him in his arms  though  gurgi stirs - he is not dead after all ! the happy group then returns home  where hen wen ( brought home by the fairfolk once the dangers are past )  dallben  and even doli  await their triumphant return . as spectacular as it sounds  the black cauldron really suffered a lot in its past times . before ron miller was fired from his position as chairman of walt disney productions  he had bought a novel by lloyd alexander called the black cauldron  a sword and sorcery tale for the studio . bringing this book to the screen was the studio ', s fondest dream . miller  who entitled himself as the executive producer  promised that they would do so after they had proved themselves on other projects . when micheal eisner and his executives arrived at the disney animation studio  the animators were struggling to complete the black cauldron . by this time  things had gone really rocky for the animation department . many of the studio ', s old men had retired or died . therefore  the animators suffered a hard time making this film . originally budgeted at $ 25 million  the costs raised to $ 40 million because of constant changes on everything ? and when it was finally released on june 24  1985  the black cauldron was greeted by praising reviews from some critics  but somehow the film flopped . the film was rated pg and the film  although ` disneyfied ', from lloyd alexander ', s chronicles of prydain ( which is what this film is based on )  was much more scarier and darker than disney ', s other previous efforts  such as the rescuers and the fox and the hound  which is probably why so many people considered it too scary and stayed away from it . in addition  other critics rejected it for having ` no heart ', and ` unmemorable ',  compared to other disney animated features . but whatever the real reason  the black cauldron was a financial disaster  grossing only $ 21 million . the failure of the film grounded the studio ', s animation department  and exiled the animation team to annex buildings in nearby glendale  and it seemed like animated features would no longer become a part of the studio ', s reputation . the next two disney animated features  the great mouse detective and oliver and company  although a little more lighthearted than the black cauldron  didn ', t do much better ( although oliver and company grossed much more than the black cauldron and the great mouse detective ) . only with the little mermaid did the studio regain its reputation for successful animated features . as for the black cauldron  it was rereleased in some cities for a temporary time under the title taran and the magic cauldron . finally  the studio locked the film in the film vault and denied that it ever even was released . because of all this  you might ask yourself  was the black cauldron really such a bad movie ? the people who had seen the film didn ', t think so . in fact  many people had calls to buena vista home video requesting for the film  but of course  they denied it . for a while  it seemed like the black cauldron would never be released to video ? until september 1997  disney released the black cauldron to video in the united kingdom . few people imported the video from england and converted to ntsc ( including me ) and for those who hadn ', t seen the film yet ( i am included here )  they got quite a treat . but people who had bootleg copies of the black cauldron noticed that in the scene where the horned king raises his army of deathless warriors  about 12 seconds of ghoulish looking skeletons were slightly trimmed so that the film would get a u rating ( in the uk  the u rating means universal : suitable for all ages  kinda like their own version of g ) . somewhere online  a team of diehard the black cauldron fans signed a petition that said  ` bring back the black cauldron ! ',  and because of that  disney finally decided to release the video to the united states . before that time  rumors online had been made that the video would be trimmed  like the uk video  so that it would get a g rating  and that they would add in songs . those rumors were put to rest when the walt disney company announced that the black cauldron * would * be released in its pg rated version . even still  when it was finally released to the us  some reaction was mixed . some felt that it was indeed cut  but some felt that it wasn ', t . but these where only minor criticisms which seemed laughable  since a film that was absent for thirteen years was finally available . as for myself  when i saw the movie for the first time ( on converted ntsc video )  i didn ', t expect much at all . in fact  i had heard so many mediocre things about it  that i didn ', t think the film would ever be such a good film . much to my surprise  when i saw the first few minutes of the film  i was asking myself  " this is the same film everyone saw ? the one that flopped at the box office ? the one that critics and filmgoers alike called " a bad movie " ? this doesn ', t seem like all of the above . instead  it ', s a classic in its own right . the film has a wonderful cast of characters . there ', s taran ( grant bardsley )  an assistant pig keeper who would rather be a warrior than a pig - keeper  the story ', s hero . the critics have said that taran is not likeable at all  but the opposite is true . he is brave  loyal  and eventually learns a lesson about friendship later on . there ', s a likeable character here ! not that he ', s the only likeable character in the film . there ', s gurgi ( john biner )  a lovable little  uh  thing who remains loyal to taran  even though they don ', t quite hit it off at first . but another likeable character is the bad guy comic henchman  a dwarf named creeper ( phil fondacairo )  who is loyal to the film ', s imaginative and sinister villain  the horned king ( voiced gruesomely by john hurt )  yet he also fears his neck . the other characters  including the sidekicks  a spunky  but sweet princess named eilonwy and the comic bard fflewdurr flamm  and three comically wicked witches who hide a dark secret  although pleasant and likeable  aren ', t quite as well rounded as they should be . the story itself is an adventurous one  a quest involving the mystical pig  hen wen  the black cauldron itself  and an army of deathless ones with everything : a hooking opening to a spectacular finale . elmer bernstein ', s music also tells the story perfectly  in a dark  yet calming manner . the animation itself is surprisingly good considering that this film was created in the darkest time of the studios . even though there are some occasional effects that are not quite good  like the ground opening when the black cauldron rises out of the earth  the animation overall is top notch . overall ? this film is an entertaining endeavor . fans unfamiliar to the lloyd alexander chronicles of prydain will get a kick out of this one  except young kids . there are some extremely scary scenes which are more darker than disney ', s other films ( although some consider the stampede sequence from the lion king and frollo observing esmeralda in the fires of hell in the hunchback of notre dame are just as scary )  which is the main reason why this film is rated pg . fans familiar to the lloyd alexander series will recognize the differences between the novel and the movie . even though it doesn ', t have all of the ingredients of a true disney film  this film is a classic in its own right  and deserves a far better chance than what it has been given . that better chance has finally come . whatever reason about why the black cauldron was such a big failure seems to have disappeared  and the film has finally achieved its place among disney ', s most proudest achievements . i can ', t help but think though  whatever would have happened if the black cauldron * was * a box office success ?
pos quiz show  an almost perfectly accurate true story  is based upon the events of the popular television show of the mid - 50 ', s  " twenty - one " . on this trivial game show  contestants were placed in isolation booths and then answered questions corresponding to a category of their choice  on which they wagered an amount of points on . the game went on until a player reached twenty one points on felt they had earned enough points to win . but  after ratings began to fall when players were struggling to break the zero mark  the producers decided to fix the game by giving the answers to a contestant before the game began . quiz show illustrates the true stories of two particular contestants  herbie stempel and charles van doren . stempel ( john turturro )  a former g . i . and your jewish man raising a family . stempel has been the reigning champion on " twenty - one " for many weeks and has accumulated thousands of dollars . in his mind  he is the best thing on television and the people love him . although  in the mind of the show ', s producers  herbie stempel is getting old . dan enright ( david paymer )  in particular  feels that the people are tired of seeing a " jewish guy from queens with bad teeth " and that the kids need someone better to look up to . therefore  they need to find another contestant whom would be a worthy role model and the people will look up to and cheer to win . someone who can defeat stempel  even if they have to resort to cheating . enter charles van doren ( ralph fiennes )  a well - educated professor from a widely recognized family . van doren had decided to try out for the game show " tic tac dough " because his friends thought he would be good at that sort of thing . but when albert freedman ( hank azaria )  enright ', s assistant  spots van doren  the two decide that they have found their soon - to - be - ruler of the " twenty - one " kingdom . van doren is not too keen on the idea of receiving the answers ahead of time  so enright tells stempel that he is going to give the wrong answer  on purpose  in order to lose the game . after stempel loses the " throne " to van doren  he starts to feel cheated ( which he should ) . meanwhile  on his own  dick goodwin ( rob morrow )  a harvard law graduate  has decided to start an investigation on " twenty - one " to try and find out if there have been any wrongdoings . his investigation yields shocking results and leads to a trial for enright and the others involved . quiz show is an extremely well done movie  and robert redford ', s direction is especially superb . the performances turned in by john turturro  ralph fiennes  and rob morrow are very good  although it seems that turturro stands out more than any . quiz show is also very precise when it comes to explicating the true events that inspired the film . definitely a film you should not miss .
pos is jimmy stewart the greatest actor of all - time ? it ', s quite possible . his career spanned over 40 years  and he acted in more movies than most actors ever could . yet  when he is talked about in the media  he is generally thought of as an actor who played one type of role : the nice guy . and that ', s really a shame . " the naked spur " features jimmy stewart in a role completely different than what people would expect from him . it ', s a western  which stewart specialized in around this period  and it casts him as a desperate man out to collect a bounty on a man who used to be his friend . before he finds that man  though  he runs into two men who agree to help him  thinking he is a sheriff . when the criminal is eventually caught  the two men discover stewart ', s secret  and decide they want a piece of the action too . the rest of the film is a suspenseful journey in which each man suspects the other constantly . also featured is the woman travelling with the criminal  well played by janet leigh . we ', re never too sure who ', s side she ', s really on until the end . leigh is an actress probably best known for her role as the " shower lady " from " psycho "  and that ', s unfair . she gives a strong performance as a woman who is pulled between these two men . stewart gives a performance unlike anything i ', ve ever seen from him . he usually keeps cool no matter what occurs  but here  he gets downright hysterical at times . i think perhaps he took this role to prove to the public that he was more than just a " nice guy " . his performance borders on psychotic at times  but i loved watching every second of it . it ', s roles like this one that make me admire him as much as i do . he was an actor unafraid to take chances  and even ruin his public image .
pos every once in a while you see a film that is so effective in delivering the goods that it is easy to forget  and forgive  its glaring imperfections . such is the case with ? good will hunting ?  a subtle character study about a socially inept mathematics genius who struggles to find his path in life . despite some serious character problems  this is still a very good film . you probably know about the plot so i ? ll make it quick . will hunting ( damon ) is a janitor at m . i . t .  he ? s really smarter than einstein but nobody knows it . he likes to go out with his friend chuckie ( affleck ) and their other working - class buddies and drink beer . he ? s good - looking  charismatic  and witty but has a terrible time with authority and stiff college folk . after getting into a tiff with the law  a distinguished professor ( skarsg ? rd ) discovers will ? s genius and offers him a chance to clean up his record and avoid jail time  at a price : he must attend weekly sessions with a therapist and work on various mathematical problems ( that have stumped the academic elite ) with the professor . after outsmarting and scaring the hell out of a couple of different psychologists he meets his match when hooked up with a once - promising therapist named sean maguire ( williams ) who has his own problems . in the meantime will meets a british medical school student ( driver ) and they begin to fall in love . the story starts out well enough and is a pretty original basis for a film . even though we ? ve seen movies about misunderstood  erratic prodigies before ( ? shine ? ring a bell ? )  the script here creates a complex narrative that doesn ? t just focus solely on one character . alas though  this is not a perfect film  as much as you feel like it could ? ve been while watching it . the one real problem i had with it is the unrealistic nature of the main character . is it possible for a lowly janitor to be this intelligent ? of course . is it possible for him to be estranged from any deep  human relationships ? usually  yes . but  is it possible for him to also be so handsome  funny  quick with the tongue  and city - street tough ? not very likely . come on  usually these guys are total nerds who can ? t even buy their own shirts  much less talk down a harvard student in a hip pub while picking up phone numbers from pretty med . - school girls . will is just a little too perfect  and in order to accept the character your disbelief suspension needs to be in excellent working condition . the heavy - handed  anti - war statement made by will at a government job interview late in the film is also boorish  overlong  pompous  and completely unnecessary . all this sounds pretty bad  but the film somehow makes up for it in other ways . damon ? s acting overshadows the fact that the character is slightly unbelievable  his performance is truly extraordinary . which leads me to the really good part of the review . the strength of this movie can be summed up in one single word : acting . i can ? t recall seeing a film recently that was so well - acted from top to bottom . from minnie driver ? s frustrated lover to ben affleck ? s laid - back best friend  and all the small roles in between  the performances are magnificent . robin williams ? skill is a given as a bereaved psychologist who could ? ve had a legendary career but was knocked off the path somewhere down the line . the real gem though is stellan skarsg ? rd ? s turn as professor lambeau  an award - winning mathematician who feels reduced in comparison to a younger  smarter will hunting . the scenes between williams and skarsg ? rd  as two old college pals who ? ve been brought back together by this enigmatic kid  display some of the best acting i ? ve ever seen . when i say delivering the goods  this is what i ? m talking about . watching these two work is what going to see movies is all about . gus van sant ? s ( to die for  drugstore cowboy ) cold  urban direction is right on  as well as danny elfman ? s sauntering musical score . i highly recommend ? good will hunting ? . despite its faults  it is still an intriguing and fascinating film and you are not likely to see a better acted one this year .
pos men in black is an explosive mix of science fiction  action  and comedy that hits the target in every possible way . although another alien movie  men in black succeeds in every way that independence day didn ', t  and towers above many other movies of its type . the brilliant acting  especially by tommy lee jones as agent kay  is also as good as it gets . director barry sonnenfeld  who was behind the camera for the addams family movies and get shorty  has crafted a masterpiece . the story behind men in black is just as interesting as you would want it to be . the men in black  or mib  are a top - secret governmental agency that is not known to exist . the mib are responsible for " saving the world from the scum of the universe " . a though job  indeed . the film opens with a truckload of illegal aliens ( the human kind ) being transported across the mexico border and into the united states . presumably  these " aliens " are all migrant workers . that is  until the mib show up and begin interrogating them . agent kay selects a particular suspicious worker and takes him away from the other local authorities to discover that he is not an illegal human alien  but a real extra - terrestrial alien . when the alien makes a run for it  agent kay is forced to eliminate the alien with one of the mib ', s very unique weapons  and after one of the local law enforcement officers witnesses this bizarre occurrence  agent kay is forced to use another very unique device on them . the device  described as " out of state "  eliminates the memory of anyone it is used on . > from here  we are introduced to james edwards  played very well by will smith . edwards  a police officer  is chasing a fleeing criminal . the criminal gives a very good chase  and at one point when edwards confronts him  the criminal pulls out a very different looking weapon that disintegrated when it hit the ground . edwards continues to chase the very athletic criminal to the top of a building  where the criminal informs edwards that he must let him go  because someone is after him . edwards doesn ', t take this seriously  but when the criminal shows very non - human characteristics and leaps off the building  he begins to wonder . back at the police station  agent kay shows up to ask edwards a few questions . he informs edwards that is was  in fact  a non - human that he was chasing  and that the gun he pulled out was definitely not man - made . he has edwards identify the gun  and asks edwards to come to the mib headquarters the following day . edwards arrives and finds that he is involved in a recruiting process  along with various other men who seem a bit more qualified than he . after goofing up for half of the time  edwards puts on a show at the firing range  and agent kay notes the reason why he feels edwards should be the man to join the mib : he chased down the " criminal " on foot  which is something that no one is supposed to be able to do . in the meantime  an upstate new york farm has a very close encounter . edgar ( vincent d ', onofrio )  owner of the farm  investigates a strange crash landing and is attacked by the inhabitant of the flying object  which presumes to jump inside edgar and use his body as a human transport . the " bug "  as he is called  is an intergalactic terrorist who has come to earth to attempt to kill two ambassadors . and it up to the mib  with newly recruited agent jay ( formerly james edwards ) to exterminate the bug and save the planet from intergalactic war . men in black delightfully combines fast - paced action with often hilarious comedy  which is usually from will smith  although tommy lee jones opens up his comedic personality in this film . the special effects are also very well done and are not the entire source of the plot  as in another big alien film from the past summer . screenwriter ed solomon  writer of super mario bros . and the upcoming x - men film  has surely struck gold with this story . all ages will enjoy men in black . it is an extremely fun film that you will want to see again . although it runs a very quick and speedy 96 minutes  the entire film from beginning to end is a non - stop adventure . the ending of the film  which ties up a few loose ends for one of the main characters  is also very well done . a sequel is already being planned  so there is more to look forward to !
pos ralph fiennes is carving out a nice niche for himself in the genre of period piece romances . for his followup to the academy - beloved the english patient  he has once again turned to a love story  this time directed by accomplished australian film maker gillian armstrong ( little women ) . despite some obvious overplotting  oscar and lucinda is a mostly effective and often affecting motion picture that touches our hearts while daring our minds to balk at its implausible coincidences . the film opens in the mid - 1800s  with parallel storylines in new south wales  australia and devon  england . as the helpful narrative voice of geoffrey rush informs us  lucinda leplastrier ( cate blanchett ) is a headstrong young woman being raised in the australian outback . meanwhile  half the world away  oscar hopkins ( fiennes ) has broken with his puritanical father over religious issues  and has gone away to school to study to be an anglican priest . lucinda is fascinated with glass ; oscar is obsessed with theology . lucinda is rich ; oscar is poor . lucinda is forward and self - assured ; oscar is timid and uncertain of himself . yet one characteristic unites these two diverse individuals -- the compulsion to gamble  whether it ', s on horses  dogs  cards  or the flip of a coin . and fate has decreed that they will one day meet . that day doesn ', t occur until 45 minutes into the film  when oscar boards a ship bound for sidney  australia  where he hopes to change his life and minister to anyone in need of his help . another of the passengers is lucinda  who is returning from england where she was shopping for machinery to equip her newly - acquired glassworks factory . at first  their relationship is that of a reverend and a confessor  but it doesn ', t take long for both of them to recognize a kindred spirit in the other . a friendship is born  and  once they reach australia  it develops into something more potent . but oscar is uncertain of lucinda ', s affection  and feels he must do something to prove himself worthy of her . oscar and lucinda isn ', t beyond a little manipulation to get the desired emotional response  and there are times when the storyline curves in preposterous directions . on more than one occasion  it ', s apparent that events are occurring specifically to funnel the characters into a position where there is only one possible route . coincidence is a crucial plot device ; without it  this movie can ', t go anywhere . the voiceover narration ( never one of my favorite techniques ) is too verbose and breaks into the story at undesirable moments . ( however  without it  the final twist  which i will not reveal  would not be as poignant . ) yet  despite these quibbles  i enjoyed oscar and lucinda . storyline faults pale in the light of two such finely - realized characters . thematically  the film is also strong . the unifying motif -- that everything in life is a gamble -- is successfully delineated . oscar and lucinda don ', t just wager their money  they bet their hearts  minds  and souls . a card game they engage in shortly after they first meet could easily be considered a form of emotional " strip poker " where defenses are peeled away to reveal their shared  secret passion . oscar does not see gambling as a vice . in fact  he believes that the greatest chance one takes in life is betting one ', s immortal soul on the truth of a religious faith . ralph fiennes  who normally plays strong  confident men  is very much at home as the fumbling  insecure oscar . the actor brings a variety of nervous tics to the part  all of which subtly add to a vague sense of discomfort whenever oscar is on - screen . as good as fiennes is  however  he is eclipsed by cate blanchett . the actress  who appeared earlier this year as one of the leads in bruce beresford ', s paradise road  is mesmerizing as lucinda . she gives this liberated woman her flash  and feeds the chemistry between the two lead characters so that it sparkles rather than fizzles . effective support is provided by ciaran hinds ( the male lead in jane austen ', s persuasion ) as lucinda ', s close friend  tom wilkinson ( the full monty ) as oscar ', s mentor  and clive russell as a self - serving adventurer . there ', s a real magic in the way armstrong develops the story  keeping things moving in unexpected directions without lingering too long on any one moment or sequence . ( in fact  i wish she had devoted a little more time to the luminous middle act  which has oscar and lucinda together . ) with the skill of a consummate storyteller  she weaves romance  friendship  passion  humor  and tragedy together into a complete package . the characters  with all of their human foibles and neuroses  are wonderfully developed by fiennes and blanchett . so who cares if the storyline is a little ripe and unwieldy ? oscar and lucinda still offers abundant pleasures to reward the viewer .
pos in october of 1962 the united states found itself on the brink of nuclear holocaust when u2 spy plane fly - overs of cuba revealed that the soviet union was actively deploying and installing medium range ballistic missiles 90 miles from the us . president john kennedy ( bruce greenwood ) and his staff must face this major threat to world peace and stop soviet expansionism in director roger donaldson ', s dramatic recreation of the most dangerous crisis in american history in " thirteen days . " one of the highlights to come out of made - for - tv movies was a 1974 entry called " missiles of october " that also recreated the historic event that almost embroiled the us  ussr and the world in an all out nuclear showdown . that teleplay  starring william devane and martin sheen as john and bobby  showed the political tensions of the period that brought to the fore the danger the world faced in those two weeks in 1962 . now  a quarter of a century after the landmark tv movie  director roger donaldson and producer kevin costner team together again ( the last time was for the taught spy thriller " no way out " ) to re - enact the events of that most dangerous time in america ', s and the world ', s history . taken from the viewpoint of special assistant to the president kenneth p . o ', donnell ( costner )  donaldson and crew recreate that volatile event  once again  as the country is plunged into what could have been total nuclear war . as o ', donnell gets ready to head to work one october morning  he deals with the usual family crises and problems . meanwhile  a u2 spy plane photo mission over cuba has produced some startling images - medium range nuclear missiles in the first stage of deployment . suddenly  ken ', s routine day switches into crisis mode as the president and his key advisor bobby begin to muster the considerable forces of the us military to face the soviet threat . where " thirteen days " differs most from " missiles of october " is  as expected  in the scope of the project . there is a big difference  budget - wise  between making a television docudrama and one that goes to the big screen . it shows as the makers of " thirteen days " craft a recreation of the cuban missile crisis that encompasses not only the political intrigue within the white house  it also depicts the events that took place as america girds itself for nuclear confrontation . the cast  a true ensemble  is led  surprisingly  by bruce greenwood as jfk and not by kevin costner . costner ', s o ', donnell represents the family guy thing as the drama of the crisis has its impact on him and his family . this puts a personal spin on the film as we see both the crisis and america ', s preparation for war and the pressure it brings to bear on those in the know . kenny reassures his wife and kids that all will be okay and they will be safe  but he knows that  if the crisis comes to a head  his family will be no more . the meat of " thirteen days " is in the big picture  not the microcosm of family  though . this is where the film stands out as we see the workings of our government on the highest levels . the story does not just cover the face - off between the world ', s two most powerful countries ; it also depicts the animosity between the president and the military / cia . the disaster of the bay of pigs invasion the year before left a distrustful taste in the mouths of the generals and admirals who blame the kennedys for not backing the cuban expatriates fighting fidel castro . the missile crisis becomes a struggle for power as the army / navy / air force want to flex their might and invade cuba  while jfk wants to end the confrontation peaceably but with america ', s dignity and world leadership intact . while the internal battle for power rages in the white house  with air force chief curtis lemay ( kevin conway ) advising the president to bomb cuba into the stone age  our armed forces are set into motion to stop the soviets with a blockade of offensive weapons to cuba . this is where the political intrigues of high office are replaced by exciting action . when the first confrontation takes place between a us warship and a soviet freighter  the tension is palpable . the most involving action sequence takes place late in the game as another u2 is sent up to shoot some snaps of the buildup and the fully prepared soviet forces launch an anti - aircraft attack on the hapless pilot of the spy plane . this is a sweaty palm sequence to say the least  making you squirm in your seat as you try to help the pilot avoid those missiles . the ensemble cast places greenwood as the first among equals with like weight given to all the principle players . greenwood does not play act at being a caricature of jfk  foregoing the typical kennedy boston accent . instead  he plays the man as a powerful figure who has to maintain the dignity of the office  directing his subordinates but giving them the latitude to make clear all of his options . kennedy used this decision by committee method to good effect as his senior staff uncovers all the options available to the president . costner  as ken o ', donnell  is really a supporting cast member as a kennedy crony brought on board as a personal political favor . costner plays o ', donnell as if he crammed on old jfk speeches with a forced kennedyesque twang to his speech . the rest of the players are first rate from start to finish with steven culp looking and sounding just like robert kennedy . the rest of the familiar players in this drama are uniformly well cast  too . standing out are michael fairman as the beleaguered us ambassador to the un  adlai stevenson  who was forced to become the challenging voice of the united states in the united nations and i remember the confrontation vividly . the filmmakers capture the accusations laid down by stevenson with accuracy  using old style video footage to good effect . dylan baker has the look and feel of the intelligentsia as the brainy secretary of defense robert mcnamara . kevin conway gives his general lemay the right " bomb them to hell " attitude . also notable is christopher lawford as navy pilot william ecker who  with his wingman  takes on the dangerous mission of a low - level photo recon into the heart of cuba  bravely challenging kenny o ', donnell ', s admonition  " don ', get shot . " tech credits are superb across the board with an admirable depiction of the us armed forces being placed on a war footing . it ', s an impressive production with the careful use of period aircraft and ships that gives the film a veracity fitting the event . solid costuming by isis mussenden is subtle but has the look of the kennedys . there is the usual array of vintage cars from the period to make things look right . the special f / x of the u2 sequences are a nice crafting of computer imaging . the cuban missile crisis is probably the most intense two weeks that the united states has ever faced in its survival as a world leader . helmer donaldson and his fine crew and cast have given the depiction of this crucial event with the care and attention to details that make this one of the finest docudramas of the year . i give " thirteen days " an a - .
pos true faith and its expression through organized religion is a difficult subject for a motion picture to tackle head - on  which is probably why so few of them do it . even the most religious directors - like martin scorsese or ingmar bergman - usually address issues of faith in implicit rather than explicit religious terms . so it ', s not hard to see why it took robert duvall fifteen years to get " the apostle " onto the big - screen . as a matter of fact  even after fifteen years he still never managed to get financial backing  and he ended up paying for it with $ 5 million of his own money . he also wrote the script  directed the film  and starred as the central character  a fiery texas preacher named euliss " sonny " dewey . few filmmakers have the courage and sheer audacity to take on that kind of financial  technical  and creative responsibility single - handedly  and it ', s testament to what an intensely personal project this was for duvall . and  thankfully  every bit of that personal investment translates on - screen into power and honest emotion . sonny is an energetic  pentecostal preacher who has been speaking ( actually shouting ) from behind the pulpit since he was twelve . he spends much of his time traveling about the country  evangelizing with other preachers at tent revivals . unlike most hollywood characterizations of intense preachers  sonny is not a phony or a swindler  and the film ', s purpose is not to unearth hypocrisy and sin in either sonny or the church . duvall makes it abundantly clear that sonny truly believes in what he says  although like all humans  he has weaknesses . one of his weaknesses become apparent when he finds out that  not only does his long - suffering wife  jessie ( farrah fawcett )  want to leave him for another man in the congregation  but the two of them have secretly plotted to remove him as preacher . faced with the loss of two things he loves passionately - his church and his family - that same raw power that allows sonny to get entire congregations rocking and swaying transforms into a violent temper . at his son ', s baseball game  sonny snaps and smashes his wife ', s lover in the face with a baseball bat  inflicting a wound that may be fatal . not knowing what else to do  sonny disappears . he throws away his identification  drives his car into a lake  and takes a bus to louisiana  hoping to start over again . in the tiny  mostly poor coastal town of bayou boutte  sonny once again finds his calling . after befriending a simple auto mechanic ( walt goggins ) and tracking down the town ', s ex - minister ( john beasley )  sonny sets up his own church  the one way to heaven temple . re - christening himself as " the apostle e . f .  " he quickly draws together an eager congregation  and together they realize real change in each other ', s lives . but  always  sonny ', s past is lurking a step behind him  waiting to swallow his progress . duvall has made his intentions in making " the apostle " clear . in a recent article in " newsweek  " he wrote : " filmmakers hardly ever depict spirituality with such a strong emphasis on the holy spirit  and when they do  it tends to be patronizing - full of charlatans and snake handlers . . . but what i really wanted to do was try to understand what these preachers go through and what they believe  and to portray it in an accurate way . " the strength of duvall ', s convictions turn out to be the strength of his film - " the apostle " always rings true  even in the most painful moments  because we know he ', s being sincere with the subject matter . after fifteen years of traveling the country  listening to all shapes and sizes of ministers and taking studious notes on what they said  duvall has captured the energy and vitality of what it means to be truly spiritual . his sonny is a man who speaks directly to god and expects to be spoken right back to . " i ', ve always called you jesus and you ', ve always called me sonny  " he says . when neighbors call and complain that he is being too loud one night in one his rants with the man upstairs  sonny ', s mother ( june carter cash ) just hangs up on them because she knows there ', s no sense trying to interrupt him . the main theme to emerge from " the apostle " is the fact that good can come from any situation . sonny ', s act of violence toward another human being is inarguably a horrific thing  and duvall never shrinks from that fact . however  that very same act of violence is what brings sonny to bayou boutte  where he finds people whom he desperately needs and who desperately need him . in his short time in louisiana  he does a world of good  and when the police finally show up to take him away  he goes quietly  knowing that he deserves the punishment that is awaiting him . and  as a scene during the final credits shows  he even turns his punishment into a positive opportunity for change and betterment . it is that strength in sonny ', s character that makes him so appealing and magnetic to others - he is flawed  but he is powerful enough to overcome those flaws . weak men are the ones who simply accept their weaknesses and lack the desire to better themselves . watching duvall on - screen  it ', s not hard to imagine that he would have been a magnificent preacher if he had chosen that vocation over acting . as sonny  he completely inhabits the character  and his performance is certainly the best of the year . because he spent so much time absorbing the traits  methods  quirks  and personalities of real preachers  duvall was able to create a complete character who always feels indelibly human . as a director  duvall feels that less is more . his camera simply takes in what goes on in front of it  with very little intrusion . there are no fancy crane shots or extended dollies or excessive close - ups . duvall knew that the power of the film ', s characters ( enhanced by the fact that he cast mostly non - professional churchgoers and actual ministers ) didn ', t need to be artificially enhanced . in this way  " the apostle " almost plays out like a documentary  not only in its technical simplicity  but more importantly  in its sense of reality .
pos when a someone journeys to the theater to see a comedy  he always risks having to sit through inanity such as what we recently saw in films like edtv and office space . it really is too bad that comedies are so hit - and - miss  because when a moviegoer goes in a theater expecting to be amused  it really is a shame when the alleged comedy fails to deliver . but weep not  dear readers  because the latest comedy out of the hollywood movie mill is nothing less than a sure bet . austin powers : the spy who shagged me is one of the funniest things i ', ve had the pleasure to see in a long time ; a completely looney  delightful parody of the often pretentious james bond flicks . if all comedies ( or even half ; or - - what am i saying ? -- even a fifth of them ) could be this consistently hysterical  i would take up residence at my local multiplex . even more to this movie ', s credit is the fact that it is a sequel to the 1997 sleeper / cult hit austin powers : international man of mystery . the original came out of nowhere ; it was a low - budget  eccentric movie that many expected to flop like a leslie nielsen parody . all of a sudden it was being quoted by teenagers all over america . ironically  powers ', " yeeeeah baby  yeah ! " has almost become an icon of the late 90s . thus another installment was inevitable  but it ', s also undoubtedly welcome . the spy who shagged me is one of the most unrestrained  over - the - top comedies i have ever seen in my entire life . it brings back most of the characters from its predecessor ( even if only briefly ) and adds new ones . austin powers ( mike myers )  a swinging hipster from the 60s transported into the 90s has to go back to his own time to get back his mojo ( oh  you ', ll figure it out )  which dr . evil ( meyers again ) has stolen . he enlists the help of a gorgeous secret agent felicity shagwell ( now that his prior sidekick vanessa has been properly disposed of in a hilarious opening sequence )  played without much distinguishable gusto by heather graham and together they go back to the 60s to defeat dr . evil yet again . surprisingly  the real star is dr . evil rather than austin . he gets most of the screen time because he was so popular in the first movie . perhaps this is true because he is portrayed and written so affectionately . instead of being the scheming  villainous mad scientist we might expect from a character like this he is a bumbling  often sweet mad scientist wannabe . the spy who shagged me has much of the same stuff we saw in the original  but that ', s okay by me because the original left us wanting more . by the time that one was over we haven ', t had nearly our share of shag jokes  crude puns and powers ', antics and this sequel satisfies our appetites . even by its conclusions  i ', m still not sure i ', ve had my fill of bits like " do you smoke after sex ? " " i don ', t know  baby  i never looked . " this may seem awfully immature of me  but understand that the austin powers series  unlike most of the crap hollywood feeds us these days  is genuinely funny . i don ', t know if i ', ve ever laughed harder at any movie than i did during the jerry springer send up or the indubitably hilarious " just the two of us " rendition by dr . evil and his new miniature clone named " mini - me " . i don ', t have any pretensions that this is particularly smart social satire or anything of the sort . indeed there is little beyond the joy a viewer feels when he sees something that is able to entertain him as much as this movie did . but as far as i ', m concerned  that is enough . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
pos almost a full decade before steven spielberg ', s saving private ryan asked whether a film could be both " anti war " and " pro - soldier "  john irvin ', s hamburger hill proved it could . lost in the inundation of critical acclaim that greeted oliver stone ', s platoon  this excellent film was dismissed as " too militaristic " . it ', s hard to understand exactly why --- unless irvin  in assembling his motley collection of young men who for predictable ( and often naive ) reasons " chose to show up " for the vietnam debacle  --- has refused to present us with the stone killer  drug - stoked psycho and ruthless opportunist who have become to vietnam war epics what " the polack  the hillbilly and the kid from brooklyn " became to wwii movies . hamburger hill  based on a true story  is not an easy film to watch . there is a scene that will have graying anti - war activists squirming in their seats  or moved to genuine tears . and the climactic final assault on the " hill " in question is visually confusing . gristly realities are presented in brief flashes  as if the brain dared not acknowledged what it had encountered . and in the mud and smoke officer and enlistee  veteran and " newbie "  black soldier and white  become almost indistinguishable from each other  as they do in the chaos of actual combat . the acting throughout is solid with an absolutely stellar performance rendered by courtney b . vance as doc -- in a role that will have many flatly disbelieving that this is same actor they cheered as " seaman jones " in mctiernan ', s red october . if you ', ve seen private ryan  you owe it to yourself to see hamburger hill -- if only to determine that the all the valour and horror of spielberg ', s vision was as present in the ashau valley as it was at omaha beach .
pos in these days of overlong movies ( meet joe black  the thin red line  the mask of zorro ) it is a shame that films like waking ned devine can ', t be longer than a paltry 90 minutes . this is just a cute movie  even through its mildly risque subject matter . old friends jackie ( bannen ) and michael ( kelley ) try to find the lottery winner ( they deduce must live in their dinky town of about 60 ) so that they might kiss up to him and share the winnings . through process of elimination  they find that it must be lovable old ned devine  who they find sitting in front of his tv  clutching the winning lottery ticket in his cold dead hand . what results is thuroughly amusing  as jackie tries to convince his wife that not claiming it would be wrong  and that they could really benefit . after all  old ned won ', t miss it . rather than divulge the later twists and turns  i ', ll stop here merely pointing out that jackie and michael get into all sorts of trouble in their little sleepy irish villiage . bannen and kelly are a perfect pair . one slightly stout  the other as thin as a rail . both getting on in years  they make such a cute pair of old codgers . waking ned devine may even be seen as a " full monty " for the geriatric set  especially since kelly gets buff - o for one amusing scene . waking ned devine is by no means perfect  but it is so sincere and touching that it looks so much better than most films . the performances by everyone in the town are great  particularly the two leads . there is one twist at the end which i find unnecessary  but it hardly ruins the picture . writer / director kirk jones should be held up as an example to all those hollywood screenwriters . scripts as creative and endearing as this should be the norm  not the exception . perhaps it makes us appreciate this wonderful film even more . had i held off on my year ', s best / worst list for another day  waking ned devine ( officially released in late november of 98 ) surely would have graced the short group of the year ', s finest films . it is light  but thought provoking and sweet . i can ', t think of anyone who shouldn ', t see ( or wouldn ', t enjoy ) this film .
pos dark city is such a rare treat : it ? s a stunning  hyperkinetic vision of a place where our reality is fused with noir  science fiction and the darkest nights in manhattan and london . to boot  it is accompanied by an intense  well written and thoughtful story . movies of this caliber and idea aren ? t made too often  and it ? s unfortunate that i waited this long to see it . alex proyas  who ? s previous film the crow looked good but couldn ? t cover up the terrible acting or story  here shows a near masterpiece ; a combination of metropolis  edward hopper and phillip marlowe  fused seemlessly . at times it moves beyond film into artwork . it is the story of ? strangers ?  aliens from another planet ( and we know they ? re aliens because they shave their heads and wear overcoats ? one of the detractions of the film ) who experiment on humans to discover what makes them live  what makes up our ? soul ? . these aliens are superior to humans because they have mastered the ? ultimate technology ? of shaping matter with their mind  called ? tuning . they are aided by a human scientist  played by kiefer sutherland  who has ? betrayed his kind ? and at the start of the film watches as the entire city stops at exactly midnight . during this time  john murdoch  played swiftly by rufus sewell  wakes in a bathtub in a room with a swinging overhead light ( a terrific visual effect - not only is murdoch confused  but so is the audience ) . without a memory and a strange guilt that he may be a killer  he receives a phone call to flee  as the strangers are after him . i don ? t want to proceed to much further with the explanation of the story ; one of the pleasures of the film is watching it develop  in a way regaining murdoch ? s ? identity ? along with him . it ? s a pleasure to watch the characters develop through the cinematography . murdoch ? s wife  anna  is introduced through a stunning beam of light : she is a lounge singer who sings into a bright spotlight . shadows  outlines of men in hats watch  as she gently curves through the shine . we see the outline of her body from behind  an hourglass  as she sings a slow  rhythmic song . a great entrance . however  a film such as this is only successful if the morals and themes behind it are strong enough to leave the viewer satisfied . the city is nice to look at  but if it ? s a poor story then it ? s not worth watching . blade runner was popular not only because it ? s visuals  but it ? s story and themes were thought out and provoked strong response from the audience . it is discussed it and argued  therefore a success . other science fiction films of recent times  such as the fifth element  are nice to look at  but are dropped and forgotten because the cookie cutter moral behind them is so flimsy . we ? re left with ? love conquers all ? after finishing the fifth element . dark city is not so easily explained away . as the strangers discovered  locating the human soul and discovering what makes us survive is not such an easy task . where is reality ? dark city is certainly the best science fiction film of the 90 ? s  and ranks along with the best made in the 80s  such as blade runner and the two aliens films . perhaps it ? s the best of the both decades ; it had the darkness of the aliens films  as well as the visuals and compelling story of blade runner  but moved beyond  i think  because the themes behind it were much stronger . anyone who wants to make an argument for better science fiction films please feel free to write  i ? d love to hear it .
pos anyone who saw alan rickman ', s finely - realized performances in truly madly deeply and sense and sensibility will be unsurprised that the actor - turned - director is a bit of a poet at heart . however  for those who recall him only as the maniacal villain of die hard and robin hood : prince of thieves  this recognition may be something of a shock . nevertheless  " poetic " is an excellent term to describe rickman ', s feature debut as a director  the winter guest . the film has a simple  unhurried rhythm that uses all of the available elements to fashion a successful whole . the result is an occasionally haunting  sometimes magical  and always insightful human drama . the winter guest isn ', t about resolving plot threads and advancing a story line ; it ', s about exploring relationships and examining life in all of its stages . the winter guest does not tell a traditional tale  nor does it ascribe to a conventional narrative structure ? there is no real beginning or end . instead  we are given an opportunity to observe one day in the lives of eight humans . they represent both sexes  multiple generations  and a variety of relationships ? male and female ; young  middle - aged  and elderly ; friends  would - be lovers  and kin . we see expectations fulfilled and disappointed  emotional boundaries eroded  and truths unveiled . there is comedy and tragedy . most importantly  much of what transpires during the course of the winter guest will find an echo in our own lives ? in this fiction can be found much truth . the setting is small town in scotland on the coldest day of the year . it ', s so frigid that the sea has begun to freeze over . the onshore wind cuts like a knife and snow blankets the beach  giving the terrain an alien appearance . it is against this backdrop that the relationships of the film are captured . there are four pairings  and  although there is some interaction between the different twosomes  the winter guest ', s focus is on the dynamics internal to each relationship . the first  meatiest pairing is that of elspeth ( phylida law ) and her recently - widowed daughter  frances ( emma thompson ) . these two have a stormy relationship . they love each other deeply  but both are stubborn and willful  and neither is willing to admit that they need the other . much of their interaction is argumentative  but  during the course of a long walk to the frozen shoreline  they come to an unspoken understanding of how much each means to the other . frances ', adult son  alex ( gary hollywood )  is a lonely young man who has been caring for his mother since the death of his father . on this day  he meets a girl  nita ( arlene cockburn )  who has secretly been spying on him for weeks . although their first encounter is antagonistic ( she throws a snowball at him )  both quickly become aware of an undeniable attraction . once they retire to a place where they can be alone  however  things don ', t go exactly as planned . lily ( sheila reid ) and chloe ( sandra voe ) are a couple of old friends who are frequent funeral attendees . death is a topic of endless fascination for them  perhaps because they are so close to it  and they spend their spare time scanning the obituaries  looking for the next funeral or cremation in the area . it doesn ', t matter whether or not they knew the deceased . it ', s the ceremony that they ', re interested in . sam ( douglas murphy ) and tom ( sean biggerstaff )  a pair of schoolboy chums  are spending this cold february day cutting classes and hanging out at the beach  horsing around  building a small fire for warmth  and walking on the frozen water . unlike lily and chloe  these two have their entire lives ahead of them . they are young enough to still believe in magic  but old enough to recognize that the process of crossing into adulthood robs life of the simple joy that only children can experience . the acting is strong and believable . the mixture of veteran performers and first - timers is effective  with the most successful choice being the casting of real - life mother and daughter phylida law and emma thompson in the most prominent roles . there is a chemistry in their interaction that would be hard to replicate with two different  non - related actors . and  of course  the physical resemblance makes it that much easier to accept elspeth and frances as parent and child . the winter guest began its life as a stage play in 1995  with rickman as the director . four of the film ', s principals  phylida law  arlene cockburn  sheila reid  and sandra voe  appeared in the theatrical version before moving to the film . unlike several recent motion pictures adapted from plays  the winter guest has been successfully opened up . the rough  bleak scottish countryside becomes as much of a character as any of the eight humans . in fact  considering how important the climate is to every relationship under rickman ', s microscope  it could be argued that this is the single most important element of the movie . if you appreciate character studies  the winter guest is a solid effort with enough power to stay with you after you have left the theater .
pos i want to correct what i wrote last year in my retrospective of david lean ', s war picture . i still think that " the bridge on the river kwai " doesn ', t deserve being the number 13 in the american film institute ', s list of the 100 greatest american movies . and i think that " 12 angry men "  " witness for the prosecution " and " paths of glory " would have been better choices for the oscar for the best picture of 1957 . but i can ', t deny the importance of " the bridge on the river kwai " - cinematically and in its contents . the film is set in burma in 1943 . a batallion of british soldiers in japanese war captivity is forced by the japanese to build a strategically momentous railway bridge over the river kwai . but the british commanding officer  colonel nicholson ( alec guinness )  insists - corresponding to the geneva conventions - that his officers needn ', t work as simple workmen . struggling toughly  col . nicholson forces the japanese commandant  col . saito ( sessue hayakawa )  to give way in this respect . afterwards col . nicholson assiduously commits himself for the building of the bridge . he considers it an opportunity to raise his men ', s morale  and he wants to prove superior british capabilities to the japanese . but the british high command sends a few soldiers who shall destroy the bridge  among them the american shears ( william holden ) - an escapee from the japanese prison camp - and the british major warden ( jack hawkins ) . . . a flaw of the picture is the clich ? d characterization of the japanese people . they are presented as if they were intellectually inferior to the british - as if the japanese were incapable of building a bridge . and the film doesn ', t consistently question the military spirit as kubrick does in " paths of glory " . lean seems rather fascinated by the military hierarchies . this is also perceptible in the conversations between col . nicholson and col . saito . in this regard it is symptomatic that shears  who doubts the military logic  is presented as a somehow unpleasant person . the audience is supposed to applaud col . nicholson ', s perseverance concerning the question if his officers shall work on the bridge or not . the spectators are supposed to neglect the risks col . nicholson takes for his men . ( the plot by - passes these risks . ) that means  the picture isn ', t perfect . but it has a lot of virtues as well . " the bridge on the river kwai " shows the " madness " of war and what it can produce in people ', s minds . it shows how colonel nicholson becomes possessed by the idea of being a hero and that others ( like shears ) get cynics . and lean ', s film is an interesting study of characters with clashing interests . these points and the sometimes ironic dialogue make this film an anti - war film ( despite inconsistencies in the treatment of this theme ) . david lean ', s direction is really effective and atmospherically perfect . his film is highly suspenseful  especially in its dramatic ( if not wholly plausible ) showdown . the film is also well - photographed and has an apt score . alec guinness does a magnificent job of bringing col . nicholson to life and making him such an interesting character . the other actors deliver fine performances as well . i like this extraordinary film despite its weaknesses . ( c ) karl rackwitz ( klein k ? ris  germany  1999 )
pos recently i read 4 reviews of pleasantville - one from entertainment weekly  one from a newsgroup  and two from different online resources . each review compared this film to the truman show . why ? the only reason people compared pleasantville to truman is due to the fact that their lives are on television . other than that  the two movies are completely different from each other . reviewers seem to love to pick one movie ( i . e . the truman show )  obsess over it  and make it a guideline for other movies . when pleasantville and edtv opened  all critics seemed to treat the two films like they were subjects of king truman . the same goes for the thin red line  as well . when it opened in decemeber  probably 98 % of reviews compared it to stephen spielberg ', s saving private ryan  giving thin line no chance whatsoever . critics loved private ryan so much  that they automatically decided no movie is good enough to reach its standards . this is why i think pleasantville was underrated . if the truman show had never been made  pleasantville probably would have received better reviews  done better at the box office  and would be remembered after it ', s long been on the video store shelves . sure  it wasn ', t perfect  and it wasn ', t very believeable  but neither was the wizard of oz or star wars  and there stands two of the most prominent movies in history . with the exception of don knotts as the annoying " tv repairman " the film is cast perfectly : the ice storm ', s tobey maguire is david in real life ; he watches the old 50 ', s sitcom " pleasantville " to escape from his feuding parents . his twin sister  jen ( reese witherspoon ) is a popular slut who ( steriotypically ) smokes and wears revealing clothes . but what makes her character believeable is the dialogue - those excessive 90 ', s terms such as " like "  " whatever "  and " cool " make her sound like the total dimwit she ', s supposed to be . the twins  with a little help from a tv repairman ( casting don knotts in this role was obviously a cameo - esque cast rather than a true acting one )  are sucked into pleasantville by a magical new remote . their new parents  played by william h . macy and joan allen  are perfect in every way . their new names are bud and mary sue  and right away they start to corrupt the town of pleasantville . after the siblings fit comfortably in their new roles  the movie begins to take form . it ', s just like watching a sitcom in itself ; you don ', t want it to end . " mary sue " has sex with her date  the school basketball champion ; when he tells all his friends about it  they stop preforming perfectly at basketball  and things start to take color . soon we learn that these people don ', t know how to express true emotions  and when they learn to do so  they eventually turn into color . this eventually sparks a racial war between the " coloreds " and the " black & whites . " entertainment weekly reviewer lisa schwarzbaum claims the movie has  " none of the depth  poignance  and brilliance of the truman show . . . " yes  the truman show was maybe a little more intelligent . but the racial setting - intensified by the forcing of the coloreds to sit in the upper box of the courtroom - certainly classifies as deep  considering it ', s what i least expected . gary ross did not try to create an intelligent  award masterpiece - he just tries to convey moral messages within his work . take for example big and dave  his past films . big - be careful what you wish for . dave - good or bad lying is still lying . did these movies win big awards ? no  but they won the heart of millions . pleasantville could have done that too  if it wasn ', t for snotty reviewers who set precedents with preceeding films . pleasantville : a - ad2am " i almost lost my nose . . . and i like it . i like breathing through it . " - jack nicholson  chinatown
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . the teaser trailers for my best friend ', s wedding scarsely gave reason for hope - it looked like the sort of goofy  light - hearted comedy than might put julia roberts back in the limelight  but little more ; i ', d frankly rarely seen a trailer place such an emphasis on people falling over for laughs so often . it was then to both my surprise and my delight to find that my best friend ', s wedding was such a success - a strong  bouyant romantic - comedy with some decidedly unconventionally quirky comic aspects  featuring a triumphant performance from ms . roberts . the heroine of my best friend ', s wedding is julianne potter ( julia roberts )  a successful new york restaurant critic  and we open the film with a whimsical revelation to her editor george downes ( rupert everett ) that years ago  she had made a pact with her dear best friend and ex - lover michael o ', neal ( dermot mulroney )  a sports writer  that if they both hadn ', t married by the time they reached 28  they had promised to marry each other . both julianne and michael are both single  of course  and when george inquires about michael ', s age  julianne realizes that he ', s mere weeks away from his 28th birthday  and is quite distressed when she receives a phone call from michael later that day . however  she finds herself even more distraught when michael ', s call is in regards to his impending marriage to heiress kimmy wallace ( cameron diaz )  and when he asks julianne to fly down to chicago for the wedding  julianne suddenly realizes that she loves michael  and resolves to break up the wedding and steal the groom by any means necessary . the setup for my best friend ', s wedding  then  is a fairly conventional one  and in many ways the film ', s storyline is formulaic - but only to a certain extent : the film was directed by p . j . hogan  whose first feature  muriel ', s wedding  had quite an offbeat tone for a traditional uplifting ugly - duckling story  and the same holds true for my best friend ', s wedding  which confidently combines traditional romantic - comedy elements with a really eccentric sense of humour . the film is innundated with sly mischievousness which seems clearly the influence of mr . hogan . for example  there ', s a heartfelt  emotional exchange between julianne and michael late in the film - with a trio of teenagers  inhaling helium and sounding every bit like alvin and the chipmunks  harmonizing in the background . my best friend ', s wedding opens with an inspired opening credit sequence which sets the tone for the film  and there are scenes where actors spontaneously burst into song to good comic effect - it could almost be argued that this film is nearly as much of a musical as woody allen ', s everyone says i love you ; i ', d even assert it ', s a more successful one . my best friend ', s wedding keeps breaking conventionality with its characters as well . in a typical romantic - comedy  kimmy would be portrayed as a snooty  conniving ice queen  and the audience would be cheering for julianne to rescue michael from her grasps ; this film is smarter than that - here  kimmy is sweet  sincere  and innocent ; julianne even admits at one point that had she not resolved to utterly destroy kimmy ', s life  she ', d actually like her too . the george character is almost a staple of recent film - the homosexual male friend of the heroine who acts as a confidant and provides the guiding voice of reason - but in my best friend ', s wedding  he gets to have a playful  mischievous and charming personality . throughout the film  the formulaisms one often sees is romantic - comedy are given little twists  and the result is a film which is compelling all the way to its somewhat unorthodox conclusion . there is a lot of smart writing in the well - paced screenplay by ronald bass ; we ', re given four interesting  vivid  and likeable characters  with some good dialogue and some genuinely charming and touching moments . my best friend ', s wedding marks a strong career rebound for julia roberts  who turns in a top - notch  confident and reassured performance as julianne . this isn ', t the sort of role one usually associates with ms . roberts - the julianne character ', s neurotic  fumbling characteristics are more in line with a meg ryan role - but ms . roberts works wonderfully in the film and demonstrates her aptitude at comedy here  remaining compelling and empathetic to the audience  if not entirely sympathetic  even when her deeds done to destroy the wedding plans of her best friend are less than honourable . even better than ms . roberts though is cameron diaz  who turns in a shining performance in my best friend ', s weddding . with a smile which lights up the screen  she effectively conveys kimmy ', s insecurity and utter sweetness in an endearing manner  and never hits a false note in the film . she even sings - i won ', t soon forget her charming serenade of " i just don ', t know what to do with myself " . rupert everett is given a very juicy role as george  and he makes the most of it with a hilarious turn which makes his character perhaps the most vivid and most memorable in the film . his george is a bit of a devilish rogue  entirely affable  and mr . everett ', s performance is a delight to watch ; he ', s clearly having fun  and his joy is infectuous . dermot mulroney is adequate in a thankless role - unlike the other characters in the film  he ', s not given a lot to do  but there is a genuine onscreen chemistry between ms . roberts and mr . mulroney  and consequently the longstanding friendship between his michael character and the julianne character always seemed completely authentic . when julia roberts ', lustre began to fade  and she was usurped from her title as " america ', s sweetheart " by sandra bullock  i thought it was a canny career move on her part to take supporting roles in prestige projects like michael collins and everyone says i love you to raise her profile . while that didn ', t quite work out  it ', s near - certain that her successful return to the genre which made her a big star back in 1990  the romantic - comedy  will once again raise her ante in the hollywood game . my best friend ', s wedding marks a return to form for ms . roberts  and cements p . j . hogan ', s reputation as a skilled director of comedy .
pos robocop is an intelligent science fiction thriller and social satire  one with class and style . the film  set in old detroit in the year 1991  stars peter weller as murphy  a lieutenant on the city ', s police force . 1991 ', s detroit suffers from rampant crime and a police department run by a private contractor ( security concepts inc . ) whose employees ( the cops ) are threatening to strike . to make matters worse  a savage group of cop - killers has been terrorizing the city . on murphy ', s first day of duty  after his transfer from another precinct  these cop - killers brutally murder him by shooting off his limbs one by one . ( orion pictures had to edit this extremely graphic scene in order to get an r rating from the m . p . a . a . ) after the emergency room staff at the hospital cannot save murphy and declare him clinically dead  s . c . i . recruits his remains for their new " robocop " program . using the remains of murphy ', s body as a foundation  their scientists build a cyborg  made of both flesh and metal . the cyborg ( robocop ) is half human ( murphy ) and half robot ; the s . c . i . engineers have erased murphy ', s memory and replaced it with a computer program ( or so they think ) . with his lightning quick reflexes  immense strength  and impenetrable armor  s . c . i . envisions robocop as an indestructible super - cop : the solution to detroit ', s problems . the remainder of the plot follows robocop ', s crime - foiling and vengeance on his murderers . as a science fiction action - thriller  robocop is extremely effective . dutch director paul verhoeven combines gritty action with suspense  shocking gore  and spectacular special effects . several sequences in the film  such as the one in which robocop employs his extremely precise aim to stop a rapist  are destined to become cult - classics . because robocop is so visually and emotionally rousing  it demands to be seen on a large screen with an audience -- in other words  in a movie theater . although the special effects and action are exciting  they do not by themselves set robocop apart from other films in the genre . rather  robocop stands out for its accurate and biting satire of american society . the movie makes a mockery of the star wars defense initiative  terrorism  board games  and television news broadcasts with air - headed anchors . these news broadcasts  which are exceptionally clever  recur periodically throughout the movie and help to provide comic relief from the intense action and gore . the satire in robocop  however  is almost as frightening in its own way as the suspense and blood . 1990 ', s america  as portrayed in the film  may seem far fetched but is in actuality ( i think ) only a slight exaggeration of the current state of american society . the humorous satire in robocop is simultaneously credible and absurd . verhoeven adroitly balances the satirical comedy with the gory action to create an entertaining and enlightening piece of science fiction / social commentary . unfortunately  robocop possesses several flaws which prevent it from qualifying as a classic within the genre . the movie lacks the lasting impact of such films as the road warrior  the terminator  and aliens . robocop ', s main problem  aside from its dumb title  is that it does not sufficiently develop murphy ', s character . we never learn the degree to which murphy ( as robocop ) is human and the degree to which he is a robot . does murphy have any human spirit or free will left  or is he merely a computer following a program ? the script halfheartedly raises these issues but then abandons them in its climactic flurry of gory action . moreover  it almost completely ignores the question ( and tragedy ) of denying a man his right to die in favor of turning him into a machine . robocop also contains several bothersome loose - ends . as you watch robocop  you experience deja vu ; you feel as if you have seen the film before . in many respects  robocop is reminiscent of several other films  including the terminator  return of the jedi  and even death wish . however  to its credit  robocop easily has enough originality and unique personality to avoid becoming a cheap rip - off .
pos probably the most popular and praised film of all time  turned out to be a primitive and predictable costume drama with a dose of social criticism . everyone knows about the greatest and most famous shipping disaster of all time . and the actual catastrophe is masterfully crafted by director james cameron  combining visual - and sound effects  he re - creates the frightening atmosphere of the sinking ship in the middle of nowhere . i liked very much the emotional and brutal contrast between the first and the third classes . while their cabin is slowly filling up with water  a mother is telling her children a fairytail -- " . . and they lived happily ever after . . " . and then the ship goes down and the few survivors are left alone under the stars and the chilling air . however  the actual disaster is happening almost at the end of the movie  while the first two hours are just beautiful sets and bad dialogues . in the present day  the rms titanic is explored by brock lovett ( bill paxton )  a treasure seeker looking for the coeur de la mer diamond  lost during the sinking . somewhere inside the ship  lovett ', s crew discover a sketchbook of an artist long dead . here  in the shape of a nude young lady  is a window into the distant age of 1912 . lovett is extremely surprised when he get ', s a phone call from rose dawson  claiming that she is a model . she is immediately helicoptered onto the vessel  and she gets the first glimpse of the fated ship in 80 years . as the memories come flooding back  she once again becomes rose dewitt buketer ( kate winslet )  the fianc ? e of wealthy cal hockley ( billy zane ) and daughter of ruth dewitt bukater ( frances fisher ) . on board there are rich and poor  everyone trust in the ship ', s designer ( jonathan hyde ) and her master  captain e . j . smith ( bernard hill ) . on board the ship  rose  unhappy and restless meets jack ( leonardo dicaprio ) - a young american artist  poor  brave and attractive . a love story slowly emerges and the two lovers must not only experience the difference between the social classes  but also face the greatest power on earth - death . cameron could as well have called his picture " the never ending love " or " love at first sight "  as he concentrates all his energy on the young couple  and not on the disaster itself . the plot is anything but original and the dialogues sometimes resemble a television soap - opera . the director doesn ', t even try to overcome his empty script . because of its primitive and predictable plot  titanic is totally depending on the visuals that truly are breathtaking . russel carpenter ', s rich  majestic and incredibly detailed cinematography is certainly award - worthy . everything from art direction to visual and sound effects are a top notch . but it doesn ', t help much when the costumes are more convincing than the actors who wear them . the actors are not to blame  because their characters are more like caricatures  in other words - fake . jack is a man with many talents : he is a talented artist  handsome  brave  honest  strong  funny . . . you name it . he doesn ', t have any dark side  he doesn ', t make any mistakes  that for a second would make him human . jack is perfect  but he is - poor . on the other hand we have cal . he is a bastard that treats rose as an odalisque and not as his wife - to - be . he lacks everything jack possesses  but he is -- rich . this childish contrast between the social classes is one of those things that makes titanic nothing more than a mediocre picture . cameron knows precisely what we want to see . his film therefore contains certain minimums to draw an audience - attractive actors  a " tragic love story "  beautiful visuals ( including expensive special effects )  a dose of social criticism  a fascinating historical event ( we love true stories ) and last  but not least - an incredible media support  which proclaimed an average picture the " greatest film of all time " . on the outside titanic looks perfect  but behind that sparkling curtain of incredible visuals - is emptiness - nothing to think about . the main weakness of this film  which ironically became its success  is simplicity . cameron enables our basic and if you wish - primitive emotions : love  hate  fear and helplessness . everyone understands the power of love and the threat to our beautiful couple is likewise imaginable - a sinking ship . titanic is a typical hollywood production  totally and completely dependent on visual perfection to hide its primitive plot . it ', s a good picture  but absolutely not a masterpiece . it ', s among hundreds and thousands good films released every year  not better or worse than the average american film .
pos cinema has been around for about a hundred years now . ? it ', s not my job to recap this century every time i talk about a new film  but i ', d like to think that i ', m beginning to understand the art more as i watch more films from before my time . recently  i ', ve seen the films of hitchcock  capra  fellini  godard  kurosawa  chaplin  lang  and many others . ? those men were talented artists  and their films reflect their genius . ? they are likely to be remembered for . . . well  quite a while . ? i like this film  too . ? yes  it ', s a disaster - slash - action movie . ? true  its budget is a lot more money than i ', ll ever see in my lifetime . ? and there ', s not a doubt in my mind that the only reason it was conceived was to make a lot of money . ? in fact  i bet the producers of armageddon would have worked towards a lousy film  had they thought it would ', ve been more profitable . i certainly don ', t care what their intentions were  because michael bay ( the rock ) is such a skilled director that i doubt he ', d ever make a film that is difficult to sit through . of course  skillful direction doesn ', t complete the package  but the rest of armageddon manages to keep everything together . the story is well - thought out ( and perfectly paced to provide for an abundance of action sequences that never feel out of place )  the acting is terrific  the script is sharp  and -- get this -- there are characters . yes  you read that right . armageddon actually has characters you can care about ! if you don ', t like this film  then you have a problem with the genre itself : armageddon is as good as a film like this can be . if you ', ve seen deep impact  then you know the basic framework for the story . it turns out that an asteroid the size of texas is going to strike the earth eighteen days from the start of the film . so  it ', s up to the u . s . government to stop it . ( why the u . s . is always exclusively saddled with these problems is never fully investigated . ) their plan -- to send a group of experienced oil drillers up to the asteroid  drill down several hundred feet  and detonate a nuclear warhead within . the head driller is harry stamper ( bruce willis ) . his group of men is a colorful bunch  including a . j . ( ben affleck )  chick ( will patton )  and rockhound ( steve buscemi ) . there ', s also an interesting triangle formed between a . j .  harry  and grace ( liv tyler )  who is harry ', s daughter . a . j . and grace are  of course  romantically intertwined  and dad isn ', t too happy with the situation . it ', s absurd to wish for a complicated story in an event movie or a special effects movie or whatever it is you ', d like to call armageddon . it ', s not about story -- it ', s about viscera and action  and thrills - a - minute  and all that stuff . it ', s incidental  really  that the story is cohesive and even remotely believable  because most people will be too wrapped up in the explosions to give two seconds ', thought to what actually happens . but bay is the one to congratulate in this case  for he has made a film so entertaining and so visually sharp that i doubt any director could have done it better . i think most of the budget went to cameras alone  because bay films every action sequence from about thirty or forty different angles . take the spectacular opening scene  for instance  in which a meteor shower obliterates new york . a meteor flies out of the sky and crashes into a building  which sends fireballs erupting into the air and cars spinning like tops upon other cars . the action itself might take five seconds in real life  but bay edits so quickly that we get the same scene in six different ways . i like his quick - edit style  because it ', s abrasive and exhausting to watch . it ', s also very loud  and obnoxiously noisy at times . but it ', s fun to be obnoxious sometimes . the special effects in this film put every other 1998 blockbuster to shame . deep impact  visually  has absolutely nothing on armageddon  and to offer a comparison between the quality of this film and godzilla is simply laughable . special effects are very important in a film like this : if they ', re not good  then the image is not convincing  and the film doesn ', t work . everything here looks bright and explosive -- from the little meteors bursting through skyscrapers  all the way to the shots of the earth through the jutting rocks on the ominously approaching asteroid . the effects that don ', t look totally real are still a pleasure to behold  and i credit everyone involved for creating the first blockbuster so nice - looking that it actually qualifies as art . of course  all of this would add up to little more than an above - average light show  if i didn ', t get the feeling that bay cares as much about his characters as he does about his action . the film is two and a half hours long  and not all of that is spent submerged in numbing action . much of the film is dedicated to developing the various characters ', subplots . i won ', t suggest that these are complex characters  but their problems are real  and the emotions aren ', t put forth in a sentimental and overbearing way . in fact  there are three or four scenes here that had me pretty choked up  and that ', s a lot more than i can say about deep impact  which was banking on the feel - good parts of its story . bruce willis is terrific  and i ', m glad to see him bigger than life again ( recent turns in films like mercury rising have been very disappointing ) . tyler and affleck are great together  and make a convincing couple -- all of the scenes between them work on a comfortable level . patton  who is a magnificent actor  thankfully is not wasted here  and the minor subplot revolving around his ex - wife and son is very moving . the comic relief from buscemi and peter stormare ( who plays a crazy russian astronaut ) is nifty  and keeps the film lively and funny . i wasn ', t challenged to think real hard while watching armageddon  and i don ', t mind too much . but the film doesn ', t insult my intelligence -- it ', s pitched perfectly to entertain  which is what all it really wants to do . it ', s not mindless and escapist  but well - crafted cinema . it might have been created for the wrong reasons  but men like michael bay have my respect for showing me that they are interested in making something good  in spite of the producers and the budget . i ', m not saying that films like this are risky moves . what i am saying is that armageddon is a big  loud  expensive motion picture that reminds me that art often comes in the strangest of forms .
pos it ', s no secret in the motion picture industry that the relationship between a script and the actors involved often makes or breaks a movie at the box office . a poorly - written script can be bested by a superb acting corps  and a well - written piece can be mangled by a group of amateurs . in directing his latest action - comedy  director brett ratner ( money talks ) takes a relatively mediocre piece of standup comedy and turns it into a funny as all get - out buddy cop movie . in addition  rush hour serves as a first - class example of directing a movie with conservative attitude - a feature that is sure to draw in crowds of all types . the two lead names share equal screen time here  mostly because they spend it together . jackie chan  in his first completely american production  makes an impressive debut by mixing dialogue with martial arts . the other martial arts flick from a few weeks ago  knock off  stands no chance against the content of this one . chan manages to make every fight scene exude grace and poise  and there ', s no doubt that a large percentage of video sales for this movie will come from viewers who couldn ', t believe their eyes the first time . chris tucker  on the opposite side  relates a hilarious comedic approach which smoothes out the rough edges to chan ', s performance . he works perfectly with the script  and it ', s quite likely he lent scribe jim kouf a hand with some of his lines . almost essential to the action genre  the plot is nonexistent . we ', re quickly introduced to detective james carter ( tucker ) is a maverick officer for the lapd . cut forward to another scene where the daughter ( julia hsu ) of the american chinese consul ( tzi ma ) is kidnapped by a gang of swarthy characters . the fbi is quick to the rescue  but the consul insists that one of his men  detective inspector lee ( chan )  be brought on the case to help . the fbi resists  but then requests that lapd send a man over to babysit the chinese detective . it ', s here that carter and lee hook up  and the two unwittingly solve the case while the fbi rushes in to back them up . rattner does a fine job of going the extra mile to get his movie to move a step up  but it doesn ', t quite reach the top tier of action - comedies like last year ', s grosse pointe blank . there are moments where the plot strays too far off the straight line it sticks almost exclusively to  and if not for the comedic interactions between tucker and chan  this might be a major drawback . also  some supporting characters are almost entirely along for the ride  and others are there simply to look menacing . however  none gives a standoffish performance and they mostly mesh into the background . almost every member of the cast displays some reservation at one point or another - whether it ', s tucker ', s toned - down routine or chan ', s tight rein on his action sequences - and that contributes greatly to this being a watchable movie for all types . a recommendable visit to the theater  indeed .
pos when andy leaves for cowboy camp  his mother holds a yard sale and scrounges in his room for old toys . one of these toys is wheezy  a penguin with a broken squeaker . woody ( tom hanks ) saddles up andy ', s dog and rides out into the yard to rescue wheezy . woody succeeds in his mission  but doesn ', t make it back to the house before al  the unscrupulous owner of al ', s toy barn  recognizes woody as a rare collector ', s item and steals him . buzz lightyear ( tim allen ) leads hamm ( john ratzenberger )  mr . potato head ( don rickles )  slinky dog ( jim varney )  and rex ( wallace shawn ) into the city to find their friend . meanwhile woody discovers the reason he was kidnapped . al has collected every piece of merchandising from the 1950 ', s tv puppet show " woody ', s round - up " except for a woody doll . now that the collection is complete  al plans to sell woody and his round - up gang - bullseye the horse  jessie the cowgirl ( joan cusack )  and stinky pete the old prospector ( kelsey grammer ) - to a toy museum in japan . the gang is happy about the move ; they ', ve been in storage for years waiting for woody . if woody doesn ', t go with them  they ', ll be closed up in a dark box again  possibly forever . trying to convince him to stay with them  jessie tells woody how she was abandoned when her owner grew up  and woody realizes that his days as a beloved toy are numbered . while woody ponders whether to go to japan or to go home to andy  buzz and the boys invade al ', s toy barn  where the buzz we know is replaced by another buzz who doesn ', t know he ', s a toy . the new buzz generates the movie ', s biggest laughs as he leads the other toys in an assault on " zurg ', s fortress " ( i . e .  al ', s apartment building ) . the original " toy story " won me over because its central themes reflected a grown - up sensibility rather than the usual this - is - what - we - think - kids - want - to - hear . while most kids ', movies take the position that every person is special and has an extraordinary destiny to fulfill  in " toy story " buzz discovered that he wasn ', t special  that he was just like everyone else . buzz sank into a suicidal depression  but woody showed buzz that being a toy was worthwhile because a toy is loved and a toy makes a child happy . in other words  it ', s okay to be ordinary if you have love and a purpose in your life . most of us probably come to the same conclusion when we realize that we ', re not space rangers and we ', re never going to be . " toy story 2 " addresses the question raised by the conclusion drawn by the first movie . woody is forced to recognize that andy will grow up and forget him and that he will likely be discarded  abandoned  or sealed up in a dark box in the attic . this is another big grown - up theme : everything ends . the theme is introduced early in the movie when woody ', s arm is torn and andy places him on a shelf rather than taking him to cowboy camp . on the shelf  woody meets wheezy  who ', s dusty  broken  and forgotten . the other toys are shocked that woody has been " shelved  " and they worry that woody ', s ride out to the 25 - cent box at the yard sale is a suicide attempt . after he ', s stolen  woody has to decide between a long life in a display case and an uncertain future with andy and his pals . of course  in spite of the heavy themes " toy story 2 " explores  it ', s also very funny . most of the laughs come from the toys ', assault on al ', s toy barn and on the apartment building . the brief substitution of a new  still delusional buzz was a welcome surprise ; i ', d wondered how a sequel could be as funny as the original without the pompous attitude buzz displayed in the original . most of the vocal performances are first - rate . tom hanks stands out for the level of enthusiasm he puts into his work . however  one voice - over also stands out as horribly miscast . kelsey grammer sounds nothing like an old prospector . although he does a lot of voice - over work in commercials and on " the simpsons " ( as sideshow bob )  grammer only makes slight variations on his own voice . he doesn ', t have the range to pull off a role like stinky pete . the animation is even better than in the first . especially impressive were the textures of the figures . we can now see the difference between flesh and plastic ; in the first movie the people looked just like the toys  but now human skin looks soft and has a slight bluish tint . we can also see that bo peep is porcelain . as you can tell from the long - winded phrasing common in the merchandising -- " disney and pixar ', s ', toy story 2 ', " -- this is pixar ', s coming out party . to celebrate they appended their first project  a hilarious short about two desklamps and a rubber ball  to the beginning of the movie . they made the short in 1986  which is incredible when one considers the relatively primitive level of computer technology available then . on the downside  " toy story 2 " follows the formula of the original so closely that the sequel comes off a bit stale  and some sections tend to drag . overall  though  i had a great time and found " story 2 " to be a worthy successor to the first " toy story . " bottom line : this one really is fun for the whole family !
pos david lynch ', s " blue velvet " begins and ends with colorful  bright shots of flowers and happy americans mowing their lawns in a seemingly perfect american town . however  what lies inside this nominally safe atmosphere is a " strange world " of drug dealers  sadists  and murderers . the opening and closing shots are a wonderful contrast to the rest of the gloomy  disturbing film . they show not to make assumptions from first glance and that oddness is common in all places under all circumstances . odd would be a perfect adjective to describe this film  its characters  its direction  and its story . thankfully  the obscurity that " blue velvet " relies on is enough to make this film enjoyable . since its elements are so originally weird  you never know what will happen next . this is the main goal of a movie ; to be spontaneous and surprising . " blue velvet " miracuously succeeds at this even though it contains mediocre acting . lynch creates such a hypnotic world that it is hard to resist his style of story telling . the film starts off with the discovery of a severed ear by a college boy ( kyle maclachlan ) . from this point maclachlan finds himself involved with a lounge singer ( isabella rossellinia ) who has lost her son and husband to a kidnapping . the plot is much more detailed than the aforementioned and this is what makes david lynch ', s story telling so amazing . maclachlan becomes involved in a forbidden relationship  in another relationship that could have been taken straight out of a high school flick  and he is put into the shoes of a drug dealer who has some wild adventures with some wild friends . through these multiple stories  maclachlan lives multiple lives and as we follow maclachlan  we are introduced to a variety of interesting subplots . lynch masterfully builds these subplots but he does not piece them all together in the very end and make a convenient crowd pleasing conclusion . instead he leaves some ambiguity and forces those curious enough to get the real meaning to watch the film several several times . lynch has been known to do this with a number of his films meaning he may be too esoteric for some hoping to get a hollywood ending where the good guy gets the girl and everything turns out fine . however  for fans of odd difficult indies  " blue velvet " could be just what they are looking for . it is very hard to discuss " blue velvet " without discussing the performance of dennis hopper ', s sadistic frank . most of the other actors in the film were not very memorable . kyle maclachlan lacked one important aspect for his role  a personality . laura dern was consistently annoying . but dennis hopper stole every scene he was in . his evil character was just plain old frightening in his mannerisms from his obsession to velvet to his incessant breathing from a gas mask . frank is a character that comes along once in a blue moon . many producers know this and have inevitably begun to typecast hopper as the bad guy . just like his villain in " speed "  hopper is over the edge with cursing and screaming every chance he has to speak . this harshness is exactly what frank is  so weird and twisted that it is hard not to look at him  even if he theatens you to look away . " blue velvet " has characters and stories you will never see in a movie again . for this sole reason it is recommended . but also see it to admire lynch ', s obsession to avoid the norm . even if this film is a little too weird for you  it ', s hard not to congratulate a guy for trying something new and sticking to it .
pos if chris farley had strapped some fake mutton - chop sideburns to each side of his head  spoken with a thick irish accent  and tried his damnedest to play it straight  he wouldn ', t have been nearly as funny as brendan gleeson in " i went down . " gleeson  who ', s not dissimilar to the late " saturday night live " alumnus in terms of physical attributes  plays a character named bunny kelly in this delightful irish film . bunny is sent to county cork to " retrieve " one frank grogan for an irish gangster called tom french ( well dressed like all good gangsters should be and menacingly portrayed by tony doyle ) . bunny is to accompany git hynes ( peter mcdonald )  recently released from prison and obligated to tom for disfiguring one of his cronies . that tom french is a mean bollocks . he wants frank back . and a small matter of some ? 25  000 that tom ', s wife was supposed to have given to frank . for this he won ', t break anyone ', s thumbs . maybe . inventively and engagingly written by conor mcpherson and directed by paddy breathnach  " i went down " follows the trials and tribulations of git and bunny as they knock around peat bogs  dimly - lit pubs  and seedy hostelries trying to stay alive and out of trouble . mcdonald is a newcomer and a promising one at that  but gleeson has been in over a dozen movies  most recently as father bubbles in another film with a very irish accent on hilarity  " the butcher boy . " even if you can ', t comprehend half of what they ', re saying  gleeson and mcdonald together make " i went down " a trip worth taking . the film is in many ways reminiscent of another " little " independent feature  1991 ', s " highway 61 . " that film  too  was a road movie and it shares the same kind of wry dialogue and humorous situations as mcpherson ', s tale : whimsical observations on life  carefully - crafted vignettes  deadpan conversational asides  and scenes that ', ll make you laugh out loud . witness the episode in which our good - natured protagonists bind frank ( played by peter caffrey ) to a hotel bed  leaving him with only the tv remote for company . that sequence alone is on a par with satan locking himself out of his car in " highway 61 . " what ', s also charming about " i went down " is how the relationship between buddy and git develops . their trip becomes an education for both of them  but the way it ', s handled is neither sappy nor labored . the only thing in the film which approaches clunkiness is the culminating explanation  via flashbacks  of the relationship between frank and tom . it ', s a little too hollywood  and what makes " i went down " so refreshing is the fact that it rarely panders to traditional conventions of hollywood gangster movies . sure it ', s gritty -- make that grubby -- but it ', s also pretty goofy . although " i went down " emphasizes the comedic elements of dis - organized crime  there are a couple of fairly brutal scenes in keeping with the subject matter . don ', t let these deter you  though ; " i went down " is a little gem . it ', s only playing at one philadelphia - area theater -- and i suspect it won ', t be there for long -- so catch it while you can .
pos " you leave little notes on my pillow . i told you a million times i can ', t stand little notes on my pillow . ', we are all out of corn flakes - f . u . ', it took me three hours to figure out that ', f . u . ', was felix unger . " --- a frustrated oscar madison ( walter matthau ) running down a list of his complaints against his roommate felix unger ( jack lemmon )  in the odd couple . the classic neil simon comedy ( based on his own stage play ) about suicidal felix ( lemmon )  who is persuaded by his poker friend oscar ( matthau ) to stay with him in his apartment after felix ', s wife throws him out and files for divorce . the hook : oscar is messy and likes his apartment that way  while felix is an obsessive / compulsive neat freak . the two men  despite their friendship  instantly clash . movies just aren ', t as delightfully funny as this one is . every line of neil simon ', s dialogue flows like comedic poetry  and all the actors are just perfect in their performances . lemmon is at his best as the anxiety ridden felix  but it ', s matthau who shines brightest as oscar  whose world is being invaded and rearranged  mostly against his wishes ( the type of character i always enjoy identifying with ) . and who can forget that catchy score by neal hefti ? the best thing about the film ( and this is a testament to the quality of the writing ) is that it ', s a comedy with substance . these two men  even while at each other ', s throats  genuinely care for one another as friends . when they clash  it isn ', t cartoonish hatred being displayed  but genuine frustration with the fact that they are such good friends but just cannot manage to co - exist . movies nowadays  take grumpy old men for example  just don ', t have that extra spark there . these days it ', s just animosity for the sake of comedy . a television series followed ( starring jack klugman and tony randall )  which i ', ll admit i ', ve never seen an episode of in its entirety  and neil simon even scripted the sequel  the odd couple ii  which was released in 1998 . neither of them compare to this comic masterpiece though . it ', s one of the best comedies of all time and easily earns its spot in my top ten favorite films .
pos ingredients : lost parrot trying to get home  friends synopsis : a russian janitor named misha ( tony shalhoub ) discovers a little old parrot languishing in the basement of a science research facility . " paulie the talking parrot " ( the voice of jay mohr ) soon regales misha with his life story . as a young bird paulie is raised by marie ( hallie kate eisenberg )  a little girl with a speech impediment . by attending marie ', s speech lessons  paulie learns to act / speak like a regular person . unfortunately  after being unfairly blamed for an accident  paulie is taken to a pawn shop and sold . paulie ', s biggest wish is to return to marie . many years later  and after a succession of memorable owners ( gena rowlands  cheech marin  and jay mohr )  paulie falls in with a bad crowd and is apprehended in los angeles trying to steal jewelry . he is sent to a cruel research facility  where he refuses to participate and is imprisoned the basement . will misha help paulie get back to marie ? opinion : every time people watch movies that portray animals as beings with cute human personalities  some well - meaning audience members go out next christmas or birthday and buy a dalmatian or whatever creature is currently popular . soon enough  " birthday kid " loses interest and the purchased pup ends up at the local pound  a victim of neglect . my sister owns a real paulie : it thinks like a parrot  bites like a parrot  and requires as much attention as a newborn human infant . please think twice before buying one . okay . back to the story . in movies  parrots usually play support characters  but paulie might be the first movie where the ( animatronic ) bird gets main billing . paulie  like those side characters in disney cartoons  is cute and sassy  a strutting  miniature human . actually  paulie is the voice of jay mohr ( he played jennifer aniston ', s boyfriend on picture perfect ) doing his best buddy hackett impression ( which is interesting  since hackett himself cameos as the pawn shop owner  and mohr doubles as a customer ) . paulie is for kids . while watching paulie you hear little tykes in the theater laughing hysterically when paulie calls the cat a " stupid furball . " sometimes  however  there are statements the kids don ', t get . for example  when paulie ', s elderly owner ivy ( gena rowlands ) dies  paulie explains  " well  one day  the cat got her . " and you hear kids exclaim  " what cat ? ! " imagine lassie come home  except with a doll - sized human dressed as a bird  and you ', ll have a good idea of the plot and characterization . bird tries to get home . bird meets elderly friend . bird loses elderly friend . bird meets eccentric friend . bird loses eccentric friend . bird meets bad influence . and so on and so forth  with paulie meeting friends and saying goodbye at a meandering pace until he finally makes it back to marie ( trini alvarado ) . the bottom line ? break out the popcorn money  moms and dads . paulie may be the low end version of lassie  bambi  or babe  but he ', ll do . sometimes the wisecracks go over their heads  but i ', m sure youngsters can appreciate a story about a little person ( paulie ) trying to get home  meeting friends and experiencing moral lessons on the way . and good luck explaining what it means when paulie says of ivy  " well  one day  the cat got her . "
pos tempe mills cinema  az -- this movie had us in non - stop stitches from beginning to end . all those promotional clips that have been on tv for the past month came from the first five minutes of the movie . if you thought they were funny  see the rest of the movie . it ', s hilarious . how does one go about making a movie about a couple guys whose only claim to fame is synchronized head - bopping on snl to exactly one song ? easy . write an interesting script around tried - and - true ideas  add some good lines and satire  and voil ?  you end up with an excellent  well - done  very entertaining flick . will and chris are idiot brothers forced by their father to work begrudgingly in the family flower business during the day . at night they pursue their life - long ambition to loose their virginity in failed attempts to get into the roxbury in beverly hills  ca  the only disco act worth going to . the only problem  the place is so popular and the waiting line so long that by the time the brothers make it to the front door  the roxbury closes  all the while bearing witness to guys with one - hundred - dollar bills and movie stars like richard grieco who get past the doorman without fuss . the script authors ( steve koren  will ferrell and chris kattan ) cleverly devised a way for our boys to get into the roxbury . their flower - shop van is rear - ended by richard grieco  who fears a law - suit and is surprised to see the idiots are too star - struck to think about the car accident they just had  but not about getting into the roxbury . grieco happily takes them in  even introduces them to the owner  which has the added benefit of enhancing the financial appearance of the idiot brothers in the eyes of a couple of gold diggers ( elisa donovan and gigi rice ) who bet their time and bodies on will and chris . what follows are some of the best slap - stick dancing routines ever . the music is superb  and could have only been made better had the producers added patrick hernandez ', s born to be alive . the choreography at times was a parody of an era gone by  for example  the bee gees and their stayin ', alive . it is nostalgic for those of us who remember that far back  and the technique is a clever adaptation that worked well in forest gump . one of the funniest scenes is when the gold diggers discover that will and chris don ', t have any mone y  and dump both on the spot  even expressing violence and anger that they gave sex away . an art - imitates - life poke at shallow women . it ', s a scene that ', s an approximate parody of the vinegar ', s own rolf luedeke ', s editorial this week national organization for men ( nom ) replaces now . ted " unabomber " kaczynski  himself rejected for not having money  will identify well with this scene  if he ever watches the movie . of course  the script wouldn ', t be complicated enough without adding molly shannon  the girl next door who has had a crush on will since they were kids  and who will has had an aversion to in quest of good - looking disco blondes ( proof that men will turn down perfectly good women when there are bay watch babes always lurking nearby ) . nevertheless  will ', s father wants him to marry molly anyway  but thinks idiot chris is standing in the way and sends him into guest - quarter exile . during the wedding ceremony  will ', s heart isn ', t exactly into getting married  and when his brother appears on the balcony with a ghetto blaster and more head - bopping music  will thinks worse of the knot - tieing idea and runs to chris . definitely an snl parody of the graduate where katharine ross changed her mind for the screaming dustin hoffman in the church balcony . i found this scene a riot  however  it went over brandi ', s head -- she was born seven years after the graduate first appeared . the scene has a good punch line when molly shannon marries  instead  the step - in buddy / weight - lifter ( who looks like he could pass for the son of gary busy ) and who has been lusting for a good - looker for a long time  but ready now to take anyone . more art - imitates - life stuff -- not even muscles can substitute for money in the real world . the idiots ', mother is played by loni anderson  whose barbie - doll looks don ', t play well anymore ( she ', s a bit old )  and whose cleavage looks like someone botched a tracheotomy too low down . i recommend this movie for anyone who wants to have a lot of fun or in need of a lot of laughs . go with a date . brandi laughed non - stop  as i did  and a deaf - mute might have concluded i was tickling her continuously for 105 minutes .
pos there is nothing like american history x in theaters or on video . no other feature film takes such a cold hard look at the lure  the culture  and the brotherhood of white supremacy . nice guy ed norton jr . ( who sang in everyone says i love you ) plays derek  a twenty - year old skinhead . dad ', s subtle racism grew large in derek  after gang members killed his father . dad was fighting a fire when they shot him . now derek keeps his head shaved and has a giant swastika tattooed over his heart . derek is more interested in the ideas of white supremacy than in its culture of violence . at a basketball court  black and white tempers flare . derek channels the aggression into a game  black versus white  for ownership of the courts . when the choice presents itself  derek goes for game point instead of the sucker - punch . cameron ( stacy keach ) steps in to derek ', s life as a surrogate father . he takes derek under his wing and nurtures his racist feelings . keeping his own criminal record spotless  he uses derek as a leader and organizer for high - visibility racial intimidation . derek obliges by leading his younger and dumber friends in race - motivated mob crimes . at the bottom of the chain  derek ', s younger brother danny ( edward furlong  made famous in terminator 2 ) joins the skinheads not for ideological or intellectual reasons  but because he admires his brother and he wants to belong . one night three black youths break into derek ', s truck  which is exactly what derek has been waiting for . outside in his shorts and his tattoo  he shoots them all . the third would - be thief  unarmed  is only wounded . in the key scene of the film  derek commands the kid into a position where he can be killed with one glorious  enraptured  awful stomp . ( the fun - spoiling nc - 17 of orgazmo seems even more inappropriate  considering american history x was rated r . what sort of country is this that says sex comedies are a bigger threat to our youth than brutal  ecstatic violence ? ) the police arrive just as derek kills the last thief . derek does not resist the cops  and as they spin him around to cuff him  the film slows down . derek raises his eyebrows and smiles at his little brother in a chilling  sadistic  satisfied grin . now in prison  derek faces new challenges . as the black man in the laundry tells him  " in the joint  you the nigra  not me . " there is a clique of swastika - wearing skinheads  but they are not interested in the ideology of white supremacy . they only use the symbols as a means of intimidation . derek finds himself truly alone  truly in danger  and truly afraid . when derek finally gets out of prison  he finds that his friends from the gang have also changed . without derek ', s leadership  they have shunned the white supremacist ideology for the white supremacist culture . it is the final factor that makes him realize how badly he ', s screwed up . in the end  he spends quality time with is brother trying to undo the respect and admiration he had earlier inspired in danny . the film ends a little too deliberately  too neatly after the unchained emotion and violent glee of the rest of the film  but it barely detracts from the overall experience . edward norton gives an oscar - worthy performance . although some of his dialogue seemed to be written without enough conviction  norton ', s performance compensated . ( an example that comes to mind is his pep talk before looting the store . ) he also captured the essence of an older brother . he took his responsibility as a role model to his younger brother very seriously  very lovingly  both before and after his change of heart . though clearly not for all tastes  this film is bold and daring . the subject matter is ugly  cruel  and at times hard to look at . nevertheless its subjects are part of humanity ', s great face . kaye gives us a good look at this fascinating  if distasteful  american subculture .
pos john von neumann  progenitor of the computer age and critically important mathematician on the manhattan project  pointed out long ago that there is a great way to explore the cosmos  even without recourse to faster - than light travel . you send out self - replicating robot ships which explore and radio back information . it may take decades  centuries  or millennia  but it can be done with achievable technology  and doesn ', t require a magical faster - than - light drive . in the fifties  british astronomer fred hoyle improved on this plan by suggesting that it would be better to radio plans for a complex computer and a program for it ; any civilization capable of receiving the transmission could build the computer  which would then engage in a real - time dialog with the aliens  exchanging information and technologies  and hopefully arranging to send back what it had learned . about thirty - five years ago  the bbc contracted with astronomer / writer fred hoyle and writer frank elliot to create the scripts for a mini - series called a for andromeda . afa concerned the reception of a hoyle transmission  the construction of a huge computer  the computer ', s analysis of life on earth  and its creation of an apparently human intermediary to facilitate communication . she was played with ethereally inhuman perfection by the then - unknown julie christie . audience response was so strong that the bbc contracted for a sequel  andromeda breakthrough  which played to equally high ratings . dennis feldman  whose previous credits include the golden child  has never been noted for coherent  well - structured movie scripts ; they start out great  and then disintegrate into a morass of chase and action  mitigated only by the presence of the obligatory beautiful girl . feldman writes good scenes  but has no idea how to tell a story or write a movie  even with a previous version to use as a model . now  in species  we have a mundane retread of the andromeda plotline  derailed by a preoccupation with removing the clothes from the leading lady and further ruined by a mediocre attempt to emulate several recent horror films in terms of splatter  gore  and chases . species features ben kingsley  who is completely wasted in a badly - written portrayal of a feebly amoral scientist . forest whitaker and alfred molina are also served poorly by the script . the species story is relatively simple ; we have been radioing information about ourselves and our dna out into space since 1971  and have been receiving answers for two years . ( note that  in the 1970 ', s  we really didn ', t know diddly about the human genome structure  and were hardly in a position to radio out a set of blueprints for human beings . even today  all we can do is give information about dna and how it works  not a copy of human dna  because we don ', t have it analyzed yet . ) the answers we get from the unknown alien source are plans for recreating a member of the alien race  and doctor xavier finch  played by ben kingsley  is placed in charge of the attempt . the script begins to go off the deep end at this point  when the result is a beautiful young girl who can shape - shift into any of several ugly alien life forms . the first half of the film has something to offer  as " sil  " the alien girl  struggles with her multi - form existence  changing from beauty to lizard to giant cockroach and back again  all while trying to understand her own place in the cosmos . she seems oddly knowledgeable about human society  with glaring gaps where her social skills should be . her instincts are to mate and procreate  and some of the best scenes deal with her attempts in this area . escaping from her birth laboratory in utah  sil is pursued by a team of drafted civilians with orders to find her and kill her . she goes on an eating binge  spins herself a cocoon  and emerges as an adult  played by natasha henstridge  who goes a long way toward re - creating the sheerly inhuman beauty julie christie achieved in 1960 . the pursuers : michael madsen is an assassin / exterminator ; forrest whitaker is a convenient empath / psychic  just as though the u . s . government actually had such people on call . neither is able to do much with the writing and directing provided . whitaker ', s role seems to be aimed at making whitaker a male copy of star trek : the next generation ', s " counselor cleavage . " the other members of the strike team are played by marg helgenberger and alfred molina . kingsley and whitaker are both consummate professionals  too good to not work to the best of their abilities ; but the performances donaldson elicited from the rest of the cast are disappointing and bland  and it is apparent that the direction was a bit weak . h . r . giger ', s design for the main form of the alien creature is actually a bit boring when we finally get to see it  although previous digital effects were done quite smoothly . the main fault of species is lack of originality ; it starts out with a wonderful  albeit borrowed  premise  and then doesn ', t live up to it . all we get are chase scenes and a few nice sex scenes  with a few monsters tossed in . there is no buildup of tension and suspense  no climax worthy of the name ; species is just a sequence of " scare " scenes stuck together . the movie is carried by its chase and sex scenes  but not rescued by them . on the other hand  as an exercise in sci - fi action / adventure  it certainly beats the ichor out of judge dredd . species earns an extra rating point or two for having ben kingsley and natasha henstridge on board  but by and large  it ', s fun only for those of us who really like this sort of thing . my personal rating is three stars  but knock one or two of those off if you don ', t enjoy pretty unclothed ladies and bloodthirsty alien monsters . mpaa classification : r ( violence  gore  nudity  sex  language ) stars : ben kingsley  michael madsen  forest whitaker  alfred molina  marg helgenberger  natasha henstridge directed by : roger donaldson produced by : frank mancuso jr . and dennis feldman typed by : dennis feldman cinematography : andrzej bartkowiak music : christopher young run time : 108 minutes aspect ratio : 2 . 35 : 1 from mgm  opens 7 july 1995
pos as the small boats rock slowly toward the shore at omaha beach normandy on d - day  the weary  seasick soldiers take a deep breath and open the large protective shield at the back of the boat . they are unaware of exactly what is going to happen . one man kisses the crucifix that hangs around his neck . as the flap falls  the battle begins . they are trapped like rats in a cage and proceed to be blown to pieces in the wake of enemy gunfire . amid the chaos of this massacre  stands a shot that  at least for me  hangs in the air like the girl in the little red coat in schindler ', s list . a soldier  clearly missing an arm  wanders around the body - strewn beach like a lost puppy . we are not invited to know what he is searching for until he finds it himself . he bends over  picks up his arm and starts to carry it  probably not bothering to ask himself ; " what now ? " saving private ryan is a masterfully composed film . the direction is out of this world  surely the type of command that can win spielberg another directing oscar . the cinematography  by janusz kaminsky  is also astounding . but be forewarned  this is the most violent and graphic film i have ever seen . the articles you read and the warnings you see are justified ; saving private ryan is visually as disturbing as a film can get . the question is  " does the story and its realism justify the excessive use ? " the answer from my point of view is " no " . braveheart was a truly gritty  and  one would imagine  realistic battle film . ryan is ten times worse . expect disembowelments  sucked in skulls  heads blown to bits  arms and legs flying across the battlefield . many in the theater could not bear to watch . and it is a shame  too  because this is otherwise by far one of the standouts this year . but such graphic displays may turn away even the most loyal spielberg supporters ( and academy members ) . saving private ryan takes us from the attack at omaha beach on d - day  1944  through into the film ', s primary mission . captain miller ( hanks ) assembles an 8 man crew and sets off to find a missing solider  private ryan  whose three brothers have already been killed on the battlefield . the government goes to great lengths to make sure that mrs . ryan doesn ', t recieve a fourth letter of condolences about her sons  that no person should suffer such injustice . miller ', s crew is not in favor of the mission and they begin to harbor a secret hatred for ryan  though they don ', t yet know him . they resent having to trudge out to bring home one soldier who doesn ', t have any more or less right to live than any of them . this film manages to keep up a rapid pace and  though there is a lot of set up between battles  the story continues full speed to the end . the pacing and dramatism of the extremely well choreographed battle scenes is really in a league of it ', s own . spielberg  though not a student of the " quick cut " school of filmmaking  takes a stab at it here  and does it better than michael bay or any of his mtv counterparts could ever hope to do it . bay should pay close attention  take copious notes . if you want to jump cut every two seconds  do it the way spielberg does it in ryan . in the end  the extremity of the gory violence is not justified by the " importance " of the film . schindler ', s list taught many people the truth about the holocaust . it opened eyes  sparked debate and study . though the battle scenes in ryan have never been portrayed as realistically before  they don ', t amount to anything as serious or thought provoking as the schindler ', s list . overall  this is just the truest depiction of the old adage  " war is hell . " but braveheart - dosage would have fit this movie much more appropriately  and would have made the difference between me getting up the nerve to see it again some day and realizing that this is something i doubt i could endure again . masterful work marred only by excessive gore .
pos " the faculty  " the heavily - hyped and advertised sci - fi / horror film that has teamed up director robert rodriguez ( 1995 ', s " desperado " and 1996 ', s " from dusk till dawn " ) and screenwriter kevin williamson ( 1996 ', s " scream " and 1997 ', s " scream 2 " )  is being called a cross between " invasion of the body snatchers " and " the breakfast club  " and i don ', t think i could describe it any better than that . the film sets up the six central teenage characters who do not seem to have much in common  and then the science - fiction aspect is added  involving the fear that the faculty at herrington high school are actually aliens who are quickly transforming everyone in the town . the six characters  as in " the breakfast club  " can be easily labeled as a stereotype  but as they are developed  they become far more complex : casey ( elijah wood )  the much picked upon nerd ; stokely ( clea duvall )  a goth outcast who hides behind the false facade of being a lesbian so everyone will avoid her ; zeke ( josh hartnett )  a drug dealer who turns out to be a science whiz ; stan ( shawn hatosy )  the star football quarterback who is considering quitting the team to concentrate more on academics ; delilah ( jordanna brewster )  the popular cheerleader and newspaper journalist ; and marybeth ( laura harris )  the sweet ', n southern new girl in town . although the characters are only slightly connected ( i . e . casey is delilah ', s photojournalist assistant ; marybeth tries to become buddies with stokely  since they both don ', t have friends  etc . )  when they all begin to suspect the teachers due to some grotesque and strange occurrences  the only people they can count on for help is each other  even though they aren ', t really even sure if they can trust one another . " the faculty " is another smart and pop - culturally hip film from williamson  although it does not equal up to his best film  the original " scream  " and rodriguez  whose " from dusk till dawn " is still one of the more original genre films of the 90 ', s . williamson and rodriguez are so assured at their professions  respectively  that the idea of teaming up together is pretty much a no - brainer . the plotline of " the faculty  " involving aliens taking over other people ', s bodies  has been done quite a lot before  from " invasion of the body snatchers  " to " the puppet masters  " to " invaders from mars  " so one of the obstacles that williamson and rodriguez had to overcome was to somehow make the idea seem fresh  and by setting the goings - on at a high school and having the protagonists be a group of teens  they were mostly successful . surely  the conventions of the story are still the same  and the climax was inevitable  but there were a few surprises along the way  including the question of who were the aliens  and who weren ', t . the epilogue was also a refreshing change - of - pace as it did not set up a sequel but ended on a note that probably could not have been any better . the performances in " the faculty " were a treat throughout  since there were so many recognizable actors in roles that were the polar opposite of what they usually do . one exception were the teens  who  aside from elijah wood  are not very well - known  but they all aquit themselves nicely  particularly wood ( the seasoned pro )  clea duvall  and jordanna brewster . as members of the faculty  robert patrick ( " t2 : judgement day " ) was creepy as the gym coach ; piper laurie was amusing and threatening as the drama teacher ; bebe neuwirth actually was somehow able to look like an alien ; and salma hayek  as the school nurse with a bad case of the cold  was very funny in a small role . the standout  in my opinion  of the whole cast was famke janssen who turns in an oddly touching performance as the shy and meek english teacher who  after turning into an alien  becomes the sex bombshell . if there was any problem i had with the faculty  it was that some of them were given no real payoff in the climactic sequence . since the teenagers realize that in order to save everyone they must kill the " queen " alien  many of the faculty members disappear . it might have been more fun if they had to face every one of the teachers  although the finale is still pretty impressive  and includes some showstopping creature effects  especially for a relatively low 15 - million - dollar budget . although not one of the best horror or science - fiction films i have seen  " the faculty " is still an exciting and worthy film that dimension films was smart to release around the holiday season when this type of genre offering is usually not released . while the story is as old as the hills  it is also  in a way  timeless  because everyone  i think  has suspected at one time or another that a certain person simply did not act right  as if they really weren ', t human . and by putting this idea in the setting of a small - town high school  it perfectly contrasts with the alienation that most teenagers usually go through when relating to adults and other peers . + note : the ad and poster campaign for this film is hugely misleading  as it features r & b artist usher raymond as one of the main characters . in actuality  he only has a small role as one of stan ', s buddies who becomes quarterback after stan resigns from the team . if i were one of the heads from dimension  i would change this advertising at once  since it is unnecessary and rather deceiving .
pos the central focus of michael winterbottom ', s " welcome to sarajevo " is sarajevo itself  the city under siege  and its different effect on the characters unfortunate enough to be stuck there . it proves the backdrop for a stunningly realized story which refreshingly strays from mythic portents ( " platoon " )  racial tumultuosness ( the risible " the walking dead " ) or a tinge of schmaltziness ( " schindler ', s list " ) . the two leads  stephen dillane as a reporter and emira nusevic as an orphan with a plight few can identify with  are extremely believable ; not one moment with them involved rings false . the question is not what went right . the question is what went wrong . for one  the film fails to provide a political overview of the war as it progresses ( the dillane characters reports an american plane departing from sarajevo as it departs  and that ', s about it . ) . the assortment of high - profile supporting actors  ranging from woody harrelson as a yankee reporter " into " liquor and cigarrettes to marisa tomei as a huggable children ', s aid or somesuch are incapable of rising above the sketchiness of their characters  albeit they strive . the interrupted use of authentic war footage somewhat hampers the rest of the film  it makes the fictional characters seem powerless by comparison . still  winterbottom eschews mawkishness through flashy  frantic editing and imaginative use of music . and it ', s a plus  because he doesn ', t toy with our emotions with sentimental blandness . he wants us to know that in war  no one is victorious . the sweet hereafter starring ian holm  sarah polley  bruce greenwood  tom mccamus  gabrielle rose  arsinee khanjian  alberta watson  maury chaykin  caerthan banks . produced by atom egoyan and camelia frieberg . script by atom egoyan ( based on the novel by russell banks ) . directed by atom egoyan . running time : 110 mins . rated r . __________________________________________________________ atom egoyan ', s powerfully meditative " the sweet hereafter " is as anything as haunting and transcendental as i ', ve seen this year . it not only explores the aftermaths of a terrible tragedy with magnificent subtlety  with cold  and stunning shots of the backdrop of this mistfortune but also by telegraphing the sense of devastation that has permeated the small town with an enormous amount of dignity and respect for each and every soul affected . ian holm as the somber  lonely lawyer seeking compensation for the townspeople  has a decency and a restraint uncommon with lawyers  he ', s a lion for the wrong reasons : the pain for having lost his daughter ( she ', s a druggie who frequently calls him begging for money ) is reflected on the town . and in some mesmerizing flashbacks  we witness how she lost her purity . it ', s one of the most strikingly breathtaking takes on the loss of innocence i ', ve ever seen . but the most astounding part goes to sarah polly  the peaceful  benevolent girl who  in contrast to the other characters  remains the most mentally stable during past  present or future . her ability to convey concealed pain and unconditional love is the opposite  yet near - revolutionary role that won emily watson an oscar nomination for " breaking the waves " . both women are torn apart by an extraordinary incident but it is only then that we truly see  truly feel  their wordless  omnipotent love . " the sweet hereafter " though  is atom egoyan ', s movie and as of now  he is emerging as the definite face of independent cinema . after surging to worldwide recognition with 1994 ', s " exotica "  " the sweet hereafter " makes him something few people in this industry can call themselves : an artist . he interweaves time with a delicacy and sees a soul with a purity that is just not common .
pos after the average mouse hunt  the silly small soldiers and the entertaining antz  dreamworks try again with the children ', s film market with this stunning adaptation of the moses story . as the film warns us at the beginning  it ', s not the full story  and some liberties have been taken  but generally this the bible story we all know and love  featuring burning bushes  the plagues and the parting of the red sea . the only thing missing is charlton heston . instead  we get val kilmer voicing moses  an hebrew who is placed in a river by his mother and rescued by the queen of egypt ( helen mirren . ) we flash forward several years to see moses and brother rameses ( fiennes ) all grown up . moses soon finds out from brother and sister miriam and aaron ( sandra bullock and jeff goldblum ) that he isn ', t really the son of the pharaoh seti ( patrick stewart ) and that it his destiny to free the hebrews from the egyptians tyrannical rule . he soon sets about this  along with his wife tzipporah ( michelle pfeiffer . ) rameses and his two wizard friends ( voiced by steve martin and martin short ) try to stop moses completing his task . while the plot is familiar and somewhat exciting for adults  for children reared on aladdin and hercules  this film could be the most godawful thing they ', ve ever seen . gone is the quick fire humour and standard  easy to follow plot . but  spectacularly  and to dreamworks credit  nearly every child in the audience was captivated by the story and events happening on screen . jeffrey katzenberg  who produced this film  certainly knows how to keep a child interested . he ', s included some songs in the film  plus some comedy  and a exciting chariot chase  to keep the children interested . and somehow  himself and the directors still manage to get all the drama and intensity of the story across  without ever being boring . it ', s a remarkable achievement . also remarkable is the animation  which puts hercules  an almost ', slap dash ', effort  to shame . relying on hand drawn and computer animation  the backgrounds and characters are amazingly detailed . the film seems a little caught up with it ', s amazing visuals by showing a lot of sweeping visuals and ', moving ', shots  but they _do_ look incredible . the final ', plague ', where god kills every first born child  and the parting of the red sea have to be seen to be believed . kudos to the animators . the vocal talent is also very good . val kilmer does a fine job as moses ( although he doesn ', t sing ) and ralph fiennes is superb as rameses ( and he _does_ sing . ) sandra bullock and jeff goldblum are great  and steve martin and martin short are very good  but not in the film long enough . finally  michelle pfeiffer does excellent work as moses wife . kudos also goes to the voice of god  who instead of booming and bombastic is quiet and subdued . sadly  he is uncredited  and i couldn ', t quite work out who the voice was . ( but e - mail if you do . ) the songs are good  ranging from the usual love sonnets to the traditional big production number . they don ', t disturb the movie  and while not particularly memorable  they are nice to listen to ( they ', re well sung aswell . ) the musical score is suitably epic  with some beautiful tunes . coupled with the superb visuals  the prince of egypt is a visual and aural treat  backed up with a great story . entertaining both for kids and adults  this film is a must see . a david wilcock review ? 1998 " you know  for kids " - norville barnes
pos i have seen several ( but not that many ) woody allen movies . i didn ', t particulary like radio days  the purple rose of cairo  play it again  sam . i quite enjoyed manhatten murder mystery and everything . . . sex  and i loved might aphrodite . however i found bullets over broadway to be a snoozing bore . and bullets got some very raving reviews  but i didn ', t think i ', d like . but i finally saw it ( double feature with ready to wear i think ) and hated it . since . . . i love you also seems to be getting raving reviews i wasn ', t sure if i ', d want to see . . . thankfully i did ! people burst into singing and dancing  something i hardly ever like . but this movie is so infectious . and funny ! and entertaining ! ( and unlike evita  they only sing when they need to . ) sure some of the actors may not be great singers  but they seems to be having a great time  and so does the audience . that ', s all i have to say . really  if you think that is going to be a dull movie  you ', re probably dead . and dead people should not be forced into movie theatres . is mark leeper dead ? he said that " this is an almost ghastly misfire " . the movie is rated r  for * one * use of the word motherf * * * * * .
pos fritz lang ', s first american film since leaving nazi germany  is an eye - opener about a lynch mob in a small town . joe wilson ( spencer tracy ) is a regular joe  a hard - working stiff  a decent guy  who is living with his two brothers  tom ( walcott ) and charlie ( albertson )  in chicago . he is engaged to katherine grant ( sylvia sidney )  but can ', t save up enough money to marry her . she takes the train west for a better paying job as a teacher . before she departs  she gives him the wedding ring her father gave to her mother  sews up his ripped trench coat  corrects him when he mistakingly says the wrong word for memento  and kisses him goodbye . a year goes by and joe buys a car and tells katherine that he will meet her to get married in capitol city  that he has quit his job and hopes to open a gas station . driving through the rural backroads and camping out at night while going to met her  he arrives at a near - by town called strand . but the deputy sheriff " buggs " meyers ( walter brennan ) comes upon him waving a shotgun and arrests him . he accuses him of the kidnapping of a little girl . the sheriff ( ellis ) finds salted peanuts on him just like the kidnapper had in his pocket  he also has a five dollar bill on him that matches one of the numbers of the ransom money  and he fits the general description of the suspect . locked in jail  he waits for the district attorney to look at his claim of innocence . in the local bar  the town citizens go into a rage when learning that an arrest has been made in the kidnapping . fueled by angry talk about getting back at the kidnapper and of having the deputy inadvertently telling them of the ransom money found on the suspect  a mob storms the jail  burns it down and dynamites it when they can ', t get through to the prisoner ', s jail cell . the sheriff called the governor for the national guard  but one of his political advisers countermanded that request  saying it wouldn ', t look right for the governor in an election year to call out troops for those he wants to vote for him . somehow joe escapes  but his dog rainbow dies . katherine hears what has happened on the radio and rushes to the neighboring town of strand only to see him engulfed by flames in his cell  and becomes convinced that he died . the next day the newspapers announce that the guilty kidnapper confesses . joe makes his way back to chicago and tells his brothers  who are startled to see him alive  that he wants revenge . he thereby supplies his brothers with the names of the 22 leaders in the lynch mob . an ambitious district attorney ( walter abel ) prosecutes the 22 for murder . katherine  not knowing he ', s alive  remains in a state of shock  but is asked to be a witness that she saw joe burning to death . the defense claims that it can ', t be a charge of murder without a corpse . the trial proves to be interesting  as the citizens in this close - knit  respectable community  lie under oath  providing alibis for each other to prove they couldn ', t have been at the jail . the sheriff also lies  saying he can ', t identify anyone in the mob . but proof comes by way of a newsreel cameraman who caught the whole incident on film . as for proof of the corpse  an anonymous letter is addressed to the judge enclosed with the wedding ring katherine gave joe . in the note  memento is misspelled  which makes katherine realize that joe is alive . when the sentence is announced  20 of the accused are found guilty of murder  but joe marches into the courtroom and gives a pious speech about what happened . katherine forgives him  and this very strong film ends on a weaker note than i think it should have . but don ', t blame lang for all the changes in the film  of trying to take the town off the hook by introducing this wild revenge motive . mgm couldn ', t bear to have it made the way lang wanted it  that is  by having tracy die in the lynching . instead they wanted to stop short of condemning so many small american towns where lynchings actually do occur  and they thereby meddled throughout the entire script . to lang ', s credit  even if this film failed to be a masterpiece because of the interference  it still did not let the good citizens off the moral hook . his portrayal of the attempted lynching was powerfully done and was not compromised . you couldn ', t help get the feeling that the citizens didn ', t care that much that they almost lynched an innocent man  but cared more about protecting the reputation of their town and would do anything to keep their 22 vigilantes from going to jail  even perjuring themselves . their reaction to seeing joe alive was satisfying only in that it meant they weren ', t going to be convicted . lang by no means implies that the town has learned its lesson from this incident . he does imply that a dark side to joe wilson has been exposed  and the innocent  jovial good - guy  seen in the beginning of the film  has been largely altered forever by this traumatic experience .
pos veteran actor clint eastwood has never looked as grizzled as he does in true crime  his latest directorial effort . when steve everett ( his newest character ) gets angry at someone  he glares them down with those famous dirty harry eyes  furrows his brow and frowns like a grizzly bear who ', s just lost his cubs . eastwood has played some particularly despicable characters in his time  but everett could just take the cake . he gets my vote  at least  partly because ` ev ', is a drunken affair - a - week womanizer who has many relationship problems  very few of which are with his wife ( diane venora ) . when his colleague at the oakland tribune is in an ugly car wreck and dies  everett must take over for her at a vital interview session . the interview is with frank beacham ( isaiah washington )  a death - row inmate set to die at midnight for the murder of a pregnant convenience store clerk . eastwood furrows his brow . as everett gradually finds information  he realizes that beacham could very well be innocent . he interviews a key witness ( michael jeter )  who claims that he burst in the door at pocum ', s foods because his car had overheated  only to see beacham standing over the dead woman ', s body  blood on his suspenders  gun in hand . but everett protests : how could he have seen the gun  which was lowered by his side  with the potato chip rack in front of him ? jeter doesn ', t know what he ', s talking about . eastwood furrows his brow . crinkled expressions and all  clint is the centre of energy of true crime . the film is by no means a standard action / suspense yarn  but a thoughtful human story in which the characters come before the shoot - outs . isaiah washington has a break - out performance as frank beacham  and scenes with him and his weary wife ( lisa gay hamilton ) are truly heartfelt moments . but the best scenes are ones that feature eastwood duking it out with those in authority over him . denis leary  as everett ', s editor and boss  has more than a few memorable moments of restrained anger ( you see  ev is sleeping with his wife ) . but hands down  the most enjoyable segments of the film are when james woods is on camera . playing the big boss alan mann  woods and eastwood create amusing chemistry and laugh - out - loud punchlines . when true crime opts for a high - speed chase to the governer ', s house at the finale  the quality of film - making takes an abrupt nosedive . eastwood was so successful with colorful character portraits that he didn ', t need to switch lanes . true crime is a tension - building  intriguing drama showcase for the talented director and star . this is a road block he could have easily dismissed ( i furrow my brow ) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
pos those of you who frequently read my reviews are not likely to be surprised by the fact that i have not read victor hugo ', s novel les miserables . i don ', t know if a lot of people have  though i imagine many are familiar with the popular musical based on the novel . i haven ', t even seen that . going into this film  i had almost no knowledge of the story or its characters ( i even expected the film to be a musical ) . walking away from it  i ', m kind of glad i had no prior experience with the material . writer / director bille august ', s film version is a straightforward  beautifully told film . liam neeson stars as the miserable jean valjean ; in the beginning  he has just been released from a 19 - year prison sentence . he is allowed to stay in a convent by a kindly priest despite his rude and destructive behavior . the priest ', s words of wisdom influence him  and he makes a vow to change himself . nine years later  we are informed that he is now the mayor of a town called vigo ; nobody knows his real name  and that he is wanted for skipping his parole nine years ago . conflicts arise when inspector javert ( geoffrey rush ) is assigned to vigo . valjean remembers javert as one of the prison guards who constantly beat him  and javert remembers jean to be a convict . javert is hell - bent on upholding the law  and he does everything in his power to bring jean to justice . along the way  valjean meets and falls in love with a peasant woman  fantine ( uma thurman )  and vows to take care of her daughter  cosette ( played later by claire danes ) . les miserables is visually a solid and often striking picture . the production design by anna asp is authentic and vast  and the sets don ', t look like sets ( they look like real towns and villages ) ; gabriella pescucci ', s costumes are noticeably spectacular . basil poledouris ', soundtrack is thick and usually well - placed ( though it does get a bit heavy at times ) . many scenes in the film have a memorable photographic quality  such as the climax  which takes place next to a dark river in the grey obscurity of early evening . augusts keeps the story simple ( which i hear is a good thing  since the novel is so complex ) and easy to follow . he manages to develop the main characters and most of the subplots adequately . i was also impressed that he didn ', t go overboard with flash and style  which is something so many directors seem to be doing to classic stories these days ( such as baz luhrmann ', s vicious tragedy william shakespeare ', s romeo + juliet ) . this film feels solid and whole  and each scene has a certain amount of importance and vigor that keeps the audience interested . liam neeson is terrific in the main role ; neeson is the kind of actor who does solemn desperation extremely well  and valjean is certainly a man who clearly fits that adjective . thurman  in her small role  is very good  and proves that she has a lot of range and can perform in a very non - glamorous role such as this one . rush is absolutely incredible as javert ; i don ', t remember ever feeling so strongly about a villain as i do here ; he adds depth and complexity with subtle glances and nuances  and effortlessly makes each of his scenes intense . i can ', t be as charitable for danes  however ; though i know she is a talented actress  here she tends to overact when it might have been better to underplay the character a bit . les miserables is  as i ', ve said  a solid  intelligent motion picture . my only complaint is that it feels a bit too easy  and perhaps too staged . each scene is grand and huge  and exploding with poledouris ', score  but i didn ', t always want them to be . for the most part  les miserables is not a subtle or deep picture . it ', s a good movie  and tells its story well  but august tends to hand - feed us themes and scenes that would have worked better had they been more subtle . however  in a film this exciting and well - produced  a few minor flaws are easily overlooked .
pos this is a stagy film adapted from roger rueff ', s play " hospitality suite . "''", its about three travelling salesmen attending an industrial convention  whose chicago company has sent them to wichita  where the company has paid all their expenses for them to rent a hospitality suite on the 16th floor of the hotel  where they aim to score a substantial account from the big kahuna  someone named dick fuller  who is the head of a big industrial corporation . he is someone they have never met before  but they want to sell him industrial lubricants and they want desperately to land this new account  it is their only reason for coming to the convention . " the big kahuna " revels in salesmen - talk among the three white christian males  two of them  larry ( spacey ) and phil ( devito )  who are veteran salesmen  having teamed together for the last twelve years  while bob ( facinelli ) is a young man who has just recently been hired by the firm and works in the research department . these three are virtually imprisoned in their small hospitality suite waiting to meet the big kahuna  as the focus of this claustrophobic film is on their interactions in the hospitality suite . the three salesmen have different things on their mind that is troubling them and a different attitude to their job  and they are each going through internal changes that are profoundly altering their life . the outstanding cast tries to figure out in their own way what they are doing and why . what comes into question is their opinions on life and death  on god and morality  and on how they make a living . these are tough questions and the truth seems to be somewhere in their sales pitch . their dialogue is acerbic  witty  and analytical . following in the long tradition of salesmen films -- from death of a salesman  the tin men  and glengarry glen ross  as this film tries to get you to see what there is about salesmanship that gets these men high . in this case  it is landing the big kahuna . they each are trying to see why he ', s on top and why they are chasing after him . what makes this film different than the others  is its blatant religious message  comparing orthodox religion to what they do  as both must sell their product . and how after each one ', s psyche is stripped clean by the other  there is a pause and some lesson about life has sunk in that is pertinent to each . the goal in the movie is not in literally landing the big kahuna  but in finding out what bill of goods they sold themselves that made them be salesmen . larry and phil have one way of doing things and have no qualms of incorporating a sales pitch as part of their life . bob thinks he is above the fray and he pitches every chance he can get about his belief in jesus christ . his vacuous character and smug outlook on life are covered by a disarming smile and an eagerness for him to prove in his actions the words of jesus he literally believes in . bob is a baptist  who takes a very non - questioning and literal attitude about religion . to just look at another woman and lust after her is a sin  according to the way he reads the bible . when asked by larry why he married his wife  he seems puzzled and can ', t even say because he loves her  only that marriage is something sacred to him . the contrast in their personalities is stark . larry is all business  he simply wants to close the sale . he comes into the room pumped for the convention  using his attack mode to establish how serious he is about being a salesman . he criticizes phil for being so placid  for getting such a small suite  for having the cheap food tray of carrot sticks rather than the one of stuffed shrimp  and for being burned - out . he tells him to go on a vacation . get a woman . while phil is reflective on where all his best years have gone for him and is contemplating a career change  now that he is 52 and is painfully divorcing his wife  after having lived too lonely a life on the road for too long . he now finds himself suffering from some troubling dreams and questioning what he believes in . he has always been a charmer  shaking everyone ', s hand  trying to please his clients while trying to make the sale . larry is more aggressive as a salesman  he is always a heart attack away from every big sale . in contrast  bob is only in his twenties and everything seems fresh to him . this is his first time for him on the road . when dick fuller doesn ', t arrive at the party the salesmen throw  larry becomes confrontational and asks phil if he spoke to the man himself about the gathering . when told that he spoke to the secretary  larry throws a tantrum and is resigned to going back to their home office without the new account . but when they start talking to bob  whom they forced to act as the bartender  they are surprised to learn that fuller did indeed come but was wearing another man ', s name tag and that bob spent the entire evening consoling the tycoon over his recently deceased dog and then talking to him about jesus . bob then tells the boys about a private party fuller is attending afterwards  and that he invited bob to attend . larry and phil can ', t fathom how bob didn ', t make a sales pitch . but they soon take another tact and decide to prep bob on how to get fuller ', s attention about their company ', s product as they sent him off to meet fuller  and will await his return in the hotel room . these two sharp salesmen are reduced to waiting for this smug kid to come back and tell them he saved their ass . the irony of their situation is played out in the darkness of the hotel room  as they stay up late into the night trying to make sense out of their lives . these three performers were outstanding  each understanding what their role called for  each coming through with a marvelous performance . the only problem with the film  is that its more of a play than a cinematic experience . but the insightful dialogue and refreshing dramatics  give it an intelligent selling point and make it a good product to see .
pos the coen brothers are back again  this time with homer ', s " odyssey " as the backdrop in their tale of three fugitives from a mississippi chain gang who trek across the south to find a secret treasure in " o brother  where art thou ? " right for the beginning of " o brother " the coens grab your attention with a chain gang of prison inmates breaking rocks along the road in unison to a work song . the camera flows around the hard toiling men  giving a visually exciting symmetry to the scene that ends with our three heroes - ulysses everett mcgill ( george clooney )  delmar ( tim blake nelson ) and pete ( john turturro ) - escaping across a cotton field . it is the beginning of a journey that takes on different meanings and urgencies to each member of the trio . a strong suite  as always with the coen brothers  is the depth of character of the folks they create in their films . their characters are goofy and comical  like nicolas cage in " raising arizona " ; or  dramatic  as albert finney and john turturro in " miller ', s crossing " ; and  even a mix of the two with frances mcdormand in " fargo . " in all cases  and in " o brother  " too  the characters populating their films are three - dimensional people . ulysses everett is a handsome  hair - obsessed petty criminal with a silver tongue and not a lot in the brains department . but  he seems like a genius when compared to the simple  sweet delmar and the maladjusted pete  who follow their self appointed leader to a promised treasure of $ 1 . 2 million . their odyssey takes on the mystical proportions of homer ', s original material as they meet all manner of people along the way  including those dangerous sirens who beckon them onto symbolically rocky shoals and a cyclops who beats them and takes all their money . there is magic  too  when delmar believes that pete was turned into a horny toad by the sirens . the story meanders through the different vignettes of the boys ', adventures  giving the flick a choppy  episodic feel that disrupts the overall flow . some of the interludes are an epiphany  though . the trio becomes a quartet when they pick up guitar - playing tommy johnson ( chris thomas king ) and visit a radio station in the middle of nowhere  run by its blind owner ( stephen root ) . they become the soggy bottom boys for the sightless radio station man and  without their knowledge  are recorded as they sing the traditional tune  " i am a man of constant sorrow . " it is a wonderful moment of moviemaking and gives us  in my mind  the best movie song of the year . contrasting this and other wonderful moments ( the sexy seduction by the sirens comes to mind ) are some pretentious bits that detract from the overall quality of " o brother . " in particular  near the end  is a scene where ulysses  delmar and pete crash a ku klux klan rally to save tommy from being lynched . the scene is overblown and flashy and reeks of " the wizard of oz . " they don ', t say " lions and tigers and bears  oh my ! " and there ', s no dorothy  but it is the land of oz we ', re seeing here . the highs and lows of the story flow are tempered by fine acting on several levels . george clooney is funny  charming  a little dumb and one of the handsomest actors in the business today . he has the charm of a 30 ', s movie idol and is able to put himself into silly situations with dignity . ulysses has an ongoing obsession with his hair  risking life and limb to get a particular brand of pomade and a supply of hairnets . his vanity will come to plague him as it would any mystical hero - wanderer . while clooney is the name draw for " o brother  " the show stealer is tim blake nelson as delmar . the heretofore unknown nelson is terrific as the simple convict who  at one point  hears the word of the lord and joins members of a church congregation in their mass baptism . delmar is saved and dedicates his life to doing good and provides a richness to his simple character that makes him shine . the taciturn pete  as played by longtime coen collaborator turturro  is the sullen member of the trio and gives them the necessary angst . all together  the tuneful triumvirate is a mix of the three stooges and the three musketeers as they prove to be buffoons  albeit brave ones . the colorful supporting cast is rampant with homerian characters to meet and get to know along the way of the boys ', odyssey . charles durning appears as incumbent governor pappy o ', daniel  who keeps crossing paths with them in his bid for re - election . john goodman is wicked as the one - eyed bible salesman and con artist  big dan teague . michael badalucco is manic and outrageous as outlaw and bank robber extraordinary  george " babyface " nelson . stephen root is amusing as the blind dj  rep ', ing one of the many references to the sightless that abound in the film in mystical ways . holly hunter is wasted in the small role as ulysses ', estranged wife  penny ( and the real reason for this adventure  not secret treasure ) . techs are  as expected in a coen brothers venture  first class . cinematographer roger deakins  who has worked on five previous coen films  captures the sultry atmosphere of the south . the photography complements the lush period production and costume provided by dennis gassner and mary zophres  respectively . once again  roderick jaynes - the alter ego of ethan and joel coen - is on board as editor . the high points outweigh the low through most of " o brother  where art thou ? " with particular praise for the wonderful selection of period and traditional music . i give it a b .
pos contact ( pg ) there ', s a moment late in robert zemeckis ', s contact where i was reminded of why i started writing movie reviews in the first place . we see a scientist  dressed in a silvery space suit  walking tentatively across a narrow walkway leading inside a compact  spherical space pod  unaware of what awaits when the ball literally drops . anticipation  excitement  anxiety  fear -- the audience experiences it all the emotional tension right with the character  nervously  breathlessly eager to see what lies ahead . it is this sense of discovery  the anticipation of which and its accompanying exhilaration  that makes this adaptation of the carl sagan novel such magical  captivating entertainment . jodie foster stars as dr . ellie arroway  a brilliant astronomer who dedicates her entire life to searching outer space for extraterrestrial radio signals . and i mean life -- after losing her entire family when she was young  the only thing occupying ellie ', s world is this quest to discover life beyond this earth . after dealing with much skepticism on the part of government officials and wealthy financiers  ellie receives her vindication when she stumbles upon an incoming radio transmission from the distant star vega  which includes instructions on building an interstellar transport . from this synopsis  contact does not sound too different to most films about alien contact  but there is a whole lot more to this intelligent film than the sci - fi hook . the alien contact angle generates a great amount of suspense and awe  but perhaps more than anything else  contact is a character study of ellie  whose obsession with empirical  scientific evidence has erased all belief in a higher power . the irony is that  while admitting to having no religious faith  she holds onto her belief in extraterrestrial life with such passion and conviction that it becomes  in a sense  a religion in its own right . it would be easy for scripters james v . hart and michael goldenberg  in trying to paint a positive image of the heroine  to champion her scientific beliefs over religious ones  but they wisely eschew easy answers  giving equal time to both sides  and in so doing depict ellie as not completely sane . in the end  there is no right or wrong  nor is there one side that comes off more positive in the other  even slightly so -- there are just two very viable points of view  each with their own merits  each with their own faults . the complex role of ellie is an actress ', s dream  and foster  a virtual shoo - in for yet another best actress oscar nomination next year  more than rises to the challenge . she conveys intelligence  determination  warmth  and  in a gutsy move  always on edge . we root for ellie and feel for her  but we also feel at times that she goes too far . contact is clearly foster ', s vehicle  but others are given their chance to shine in smaller roles . matthew mcconaughey  who receives outrageously high billing for his smallish role  holds his own as the religious counterpoint to ellie  spiritual scholar and government adviser palmer joss ( however  his main storyline  the tentative palmer - ellie romance  is the film ', s weakest subplot ) . john hurt is effectively creepy as s . r . hadden  the wealthy eccentric who provides ellie with her research funding . angela bassett continues to impress in her bit role as white house aide rachel constantine . most memorable of all  though  are tom skerritt and james woods  who play rival scientist dr . david drumlin and national security adviser michael litz  respectively ; both  especially skerritt  embody these asshole characters that the audience hissed just about every single one of their appearances . zemeckis comes off of his three - year break in top shape . always known as a director of effects - laden extravaganzas  it comes as no surprise that contact ', s visual effects are quite stunning . the central space journey is more than a little reminiscent of the close of 2001 : a space odyssey  but with more advanced technology at his disposal  zemeckis ', s voyage is even trippier than stanley kubrick ', s yet more wondrously pure . and zemeckis doesn ', t resist the urge to use the always - interesting incorporate - actors - into - existing - film - footage effect  which is every bit as seamless here as it was in forrest gump . effects  however  are confined to only a few scenes and clearly take a back seat to the drama  emotion  and pure wonder  which zemeckis proved to be quite adept at in gump . it says a lot that  in a summer science fiction film such as this  it ', s not so much the effects that stay with you as it is the drama and the issues that are raised . the thought - provoking  two - hour - plus contact is a much - welcome change of pace from summer no - brainers  but the fact that it is a smart film does not mean that it also isn ', t entertaining . for all the interesting questions it asks  the film is still what it ', s being sold as -- " a journey to the heart of the universe . " and what a fascinating  unforgettable journey it is .
pos satirical films usually fall into one of two categories : 1 ) long - term satire where everything  including the jokes  is somehow related on a large scale ( i . e . " dr . strangelove " ; 2 ) situation satire in which the comedy and themes are derived moment by moment and scene by scene ( i . e . " men in black " ) . what ', s unique about " wag the dog " is that it doesn ', t necessarily fit either of these descriptions  and yet is both at the same time . the result is a clever comedy based on an original  smart premise  even if the focus does tend to wander a bit . if there ', s anything that affects americans the most it ', s politics and showbusiness . in this age of information and technology  we ', ve been so conditioned by the media and the entertainment industry in our ways of perceiving things  it ', s gotten to the point that we are practically controlled by it . we need the media to bring us the most up - to - date news  but we also need the escapism of hollywood to counter all that thinking . this film starts off well by quickly establishing these ideas  and then presents an interesting scenario : if politics  the media coverage of politics  and the entertainment industry are so closely related  couldn ', t someone with the power and authority to manipulate one of the aspects manipulate them all ? that ', s the idea conrad brean ( de niro )  a professional washington spin doctor  comes up with in order to restore the president ', s good name who has been accused of child molestation just weeks before the election . brean  along with the president ', s top advisor  winifred ames ( heche )  fly to california to meet up with hot - shot movie producer stanley motss ( hoffman ) . they pitch him an idea to " produce " the image of a war with albania ( it ', s a country no one ', s heard of so they people will buy it ) . soon the wheels are in motion and the film ', s riffing satire comes into play . we ', re inundated with the hollywood mind set as motss brings in a number of experts to help manage the situation  such as a folk singer  visual and sound effects technicians  and a modern style expert known as the fad king ( leary ) . the initial atmosphere is rich with numerous pop culture references where everything somehow relates to something on tv  in the movies  or in the news . the characters ', dialogue is witty and funny  although some of the actual jokes and gags seem rather sitcom - esque . for example  one scene shows motss and brean ', s production crew filming an actress portraying a poor albanian refugee . motss ordered a kitten for the girl to carry  but instead wound up with a dozen different dogs . since it ', s all computer - enhanced anyway  she ends up cradling a bag of tostitos with the kitten to be inserted later . this demonstrates the film ', s ability to take a relatively ordinary situation and make it smart and funny just through the premise . but then there ', s the gags and one - liners that  although are humorous  seem a little gratuitious in the long run such as motss not being able to remember the actress ', s name  or  whenever a problem emerges  always responding with  " this is nothing ! " by the time the film makes it to the midpoint  everything that is going to happen in terms of plot happens . the first act is quickly paced  while the second act contains most of the jokes and is the core of the film . every ten minutes or so a new problem crops up that motss and brean must deal with  and it ', s always fascinating to see what they do and how they do it . the screenplay provides good characterization and actually deals with most of the problems head - on in realistic manners . however  it does have a tendency to avoid things and shift its focus from the election campaign and false war smokescreen to something a bit off the subject . as the third act rolls around the satirical nature becomes more concerned with the situations and less so with the big picture . what had started off as a brilliant  somewhat harmless conspiracy to fool the general public begins to seem more like something that would happen in a movie . still  the situation comedy is quite funny  especially a montage showing the entire country flinging old shoes into trees to honor sgt . willie schumann - a war hero motss and brean concocted . truly great satire manages to create for an entertaining story that makes you laugh at the time  but think about afterwards and " wag the dog " at least succeeds in this respect . however  in retrospect it seems like so much more could have been done  namely by extending the running time and filling in the plot holes . then again  it ', s a valiant effort .
pos after sixteen years francis ford copolla has again returned to his favorite project  making the third installment in the godfather - trilogy . this new film has been underrated for no reason . it is as intellectual and majestically made as copolla ', s pervious films . it is also more psychological  pessimistic and more tragic than the first two . the only regret is the unconvincing performance by the newcomer sofia copolla and some " unfinished " developments of some characters . the film elegantly begins with nino rota ', s recognizable musical score  the beautiful skyscrapers of new york and michael ', s voice as he is writing a letter to his children : " the only wealth in this world is children . more than all money and power on earth  you are my treasure " . the year is 1979 and michael corleone has used the time since the ending of " part ii " to make his father ', s dream come true - making the corleone family legitimate . michael sold all his casinos and invests only in gambling . constantly haunted by the past  his only reason to live is his children . the family has amassed unimaginable wealth  and as the film opens michael corleone ( al pacino ) is being invested with a great honor by the church . later that day  at a reception  his daughter announces a corleone family gift to the church and the charities of sicily  " a check in the amount of $ 100 million . " but the corleones are about to find  as others have throughout history  that you cannot buy forgiveness . sure  you can do business with evil men inside the church  for all men are fallible and capable of sin . but god does not take payoffs . the plot of the movie  concocted by coppola and mario puzo in a screenplay inspired by headlines  brings the corleone family into the inner circles of corruption in the vatican . there is a moment in " godfather iii " where michael says : " all my life i have been trying to go up in society  where everything was legal . but the higher i go  the crookier it becomes . . " . visually this film is as spectacular as the first two . gordon willis ', rich cinematography  carmine copolla ', s beautiful composition and alex tavoularis ', wonderful art direction could not be better . but copolla ', s first two godfather - films were more famous for their deep  intellectual plots  tree dimensional characters and incredible acting  than for their visual perfection . the third installment has only the plot and visuals . some characters could be much more developed and the acting  although good  never accomplishes to reach the same height of the first two films . the biggest miscasting is sofia copolla  who is so unconvincing and unemotional that she manages to ruin several scenes throughout the movie  that could have been grander and more emotional . the best performance comes unsurprisingly from al pacino  who should have got a nomination for best actor at the oscars . andy garcia is powerful as sonny ', s son  strong  focused and loyal . violence is natural to him . he suffers no pangs of conscience when he takes revenge on his family ', s behalf  and in this he is supposed to be strong in the uncomplicated way don vito corleone was . however both kay ( diane keaton ) and connie ( talia shire ) are useless . and characters like vito corleone and tom hagen are really missed . the good part is that michael is again reunited with old friends  that you remember from the first and second films . in the third film michael has become almost like his father  vito in the first film and vincenzo resembles michael when he was much younger . this parallel could be more interesting if vincenzo ', s character was more developed . many have pointed out that making the third film  was unnecessary . i disagree . it is a beautiful film of great importance  completing the tragic saga of the corleone family . the first film showed some horrible results of corleone ', s life . it showed michael making a choice ; the second showed a man damning himself for his choices and feeling the impact of changing times . a man desperately trying to keep his balance  focus  family and sanity  while everything is crashing all around him . the third film is a terrifying conclusion - a result of michael ', s life . the life he chose for himself is like quicksand - one wrong step and you are doomed . there is no turning back . and no matter how hard you try to get out of it  to free yourself  no matter how powerful and wealthy you are  you are helpless - sinking deeper and deeper till it swallows you completely . the beautifully directed last sequence is also the powerful climax of the film  when michael is sitting alone in his chair  left by everyone  surrounded by emptiness and memories of his friends and family members long dead . here he dies - alone  miserable and unforgiven
pos bruce willis is a type - casted actor . in die hard  he played john mcclaine  a rough and tough chicago cop who gets caught in the wrong place at the wrong time . again  in pulp fiction  as butch coolidge  an over - the - hill boxer  he steps on the wrong guys toes . in luc besson ', s the fifth element  willis plays korben dallas  a new york cabby who takes in the wrong passenger at the worst possible time . a stylish science fiction epic  the fifth element ', s complex plot begins right away  in the deserts of egypt ( think stargate ) in 1914 . an enormous spacecraft lands above a pyramid where the " 5 elements " are stored and takes them away  vowing to return them when the evil comes back . cut to present day  which is our future . the year is 2023  and new york is the city . the only basic differences between besson ', s futuristic depiction and the real life new york is that the smog is thicker  the buildings are higher  and the traffic floats ! anyway  the " evil " comes back as a ball of fire to wreak havoc on the fair citizens of the earth  so back come the tortoise - like aliens to return the " 5 elements " to earth  in order to defend themselves against the " evil . " in the process  however  the ship is intercepted by 2 fighter pods and is destroyed before landing . when officials arrive at the site  all that remains is a hand . what can you do with a hand ? hey  its the 21st century here - dna reconstruction ! this hand turns out to belong to a beautiful  but mysterious woman named leeloo ( milla jovovich  dazed and confused ) . she escapes and  attempting to escape the police by swan diving off of an enormous skyscraper and crashing through the roof of korben ', s floating cab . it ', s love at first site  as korben and leeloo elude the lazy - as - always cops . when leeloo begins mumbling about a cornelius ( ian holm  night falls on manhattan )  korben searches the " yellow pages " and delivers her to the door of the good reverend  the only man who knows of her background and duties . now  korben  leeloo  and cornelius must journey to a foreign planet to board a cruise ship ( special effects were spectacular here ) to find the remaining four elements . it is here  where they discover that they have been followed by the evil jean - baptiste emmanuel zorg ( gary oldman  murder in the first ) . he  too  wants possession of the elements  as do a group of pig - like warriors ( think the gamorreans in return of the jedi ) . in a spectacular ending  with time running out  leeloo is faced with a problem - why should she save a people who live to destroy each other ? the question is a good one  and one that could be pondered . but enough of that . when korben points out his love for her  leeloo is inclined to become the " 5th element " and save the world from total destruction . the fifth element features good performances by willis and holm  an excellent portrayal of a comedic villain ( who reminded me a lot of jack nicholson ', s the joker in batman ) by one of the masters of villainy  oldman  and a heartfelt offering by relative newcomer jovovich . the supporting cast  which includes brion james ( tango & cash )  tim " tiny " lester ( no holds barred )  luke perry ( buffy the vampire slayer )  and chris tucker ( friday )  added a comedic effect to the film . although besson ', s the fifth element can be criticized for the outlandish use of cliches  it is a solid motion picture with a definite point . some other directors ( like anaconda ', s luis llosa ) should take a lesson from this guy - using ideas from epic motion pictures the right way . ideas from star wars and stargate were utilized for the improvement of this film . sci - fi fan or not  any movie - lover should see this wonderfully stylish motion picture . ])
pos there must be some unwritten rule that states  one gets enlightenment not in the way one expects to get enlightenment but in the commitment given to seeking wisdom  even if it is a foolish road one is on and it seems to be leading nowhere . in the exotic morocco of 1972  a 25 - year - old english hippie mother  julia ( winslet )  of two sweet young girls  the 6 - year - old lucy ( carrie ) and the 8 - year - old bea ( bella )  has arrived for a year ', s stay  with the self - absorbed mother oblivious to how her daughters might be adjusting to this foreign experience while she is searching for a change of life from her unfaithful poet husband ( she is not officially married to him ) and her cold one - room london flat  and is sort of looking for the eternal truth in the sunny climate of marrakech . at least she says she is  as she is making some attempt to contact a sufi sheikh there who has all the answers . she has not planned things out too carefully  having no money  and the trip doesn ', t seem like it ', s much fun  more like a misadventure  with some romance with a local moroccan thrown in . drugs  a world - wide youthful phenomena during this period  where many westerners came to morocco to smoke the good hashish found there and to live the ', good life ', cheaply  and to be in a spot where they did not have to worry about being hassled by the local authorities  even though drugs are illegal there . but this is not shown as one of her reasons for being here . in this film  the subject of drugs is never broached  only hinted at in an off - handed but slurring way  as the hippie commune is shown in a negative light  strumming on their guitars and bragging about the hits of acid they have taken . even the ones coming here for spiritual reasons  to follow the mystical sufis  seem lost following a culture that is far different from where they were coming from . the film is based on the novel that contained the autobiographical experiences of sigmund freud ', s grand - daughter  esther freud  who traveled here in the 1960s with her mother and sister . it is written by the director ', s brother  who has previously directed regeneration  the playboys  and trojan eddie . the title of the film comes from the squealing giggles that saying hideous kinky gives the little girls . with julia strapped for cash and not receiving a needed check her husband often forgets to send her  she is prevented from seeing the greatest living sufi who is located in algeria ; so instead  she meets an acrobat street performer in the bazaar  bilal ( said taghmaoui ) . he becomes her lover  taking the place of her husband as a father figure for the girls . the girls readily accept him  and there is no big - to - do made about their openly sexual relationship  but the girls really don ', t know what to make of the relationship . it especially bothers bea  who is embarrassed by her mother ', s loose attitude and wants to go home . things go surprisingly sour when bilal takes them to stay in his small village . it seems only that bilal ', s charm is matched by his shiftlessness  as he has a wife who still lives there . this scene didn ', t make too much sense as to why he would take them there knowing the situation  unless the uneducated man was totally uneducated in the customs of his people  also . but i doubt that . the family is now stuck without money in a backward area trying to decide what to do next  as they hitch a ride away from there with a truck driver who nearly kills them when he falls asleep by the wheel . lucy takes it all in stride and has a good disposition for travel  while bea just wants to go to a school and learn something and be a ', normal ', girl . the beauty of marrakech is matched by the terrific performance of kate winslet  as the film accurately encapsulates the timeless city and its bustling street scenes  expansive views  illustrious mosques  and grand sunsets . kate enacts the feel of what it was like to be a westerner  living out the countercultural experiences while awaiting to gather her sensibilities again and was fortunate enough to be able to go home the better off for her experiences  as many a drop - out reluctantly had to do after their stay ran out of money and purpose . the background music from groups like america and jefferson airplane  provided further nostalgia for this easy to look at and easy to grasp film . the only hope was that the two innocent girls would not be permanently harmed while on this sojourn  a venture that should be reserved only for those of college age or older who choose to go there for themselves . the family ', s travel  which is on the edge  has julia waking up screaming from dreams that are bleakly haunting ; but  when she gets up  all there is  is this splendid emptiness all around her and a vacuous life that is starting to bother her . that marrakech is disarmingly gorgeous and that london is old hat to her  is starting to wear thin in her thoughts . it will dawn on her  when bea takes ill  as she reflects on what the sufi guru tells her  whom she finally meets and is driven to tears in his presence . he is the guru who replaced the one she wanted to see but who died before she got a chance to see him . the new guru is grounded in reality  something she is not grounded in  and seems to tell her what she couldn ', t comprehend from anyone else  even comforting her  by telling her that her tears are memories - a gift from god . the film ', s weakness was the empty feeling i got from watching the story unfold in its risk free tenor ( she was there basically to be just escaping from her situation ) and how unappealing the love affair seemed between bilal and julia . the storyline about a helpless single parent  detracted from the vibrant experiences many others of her same baby - boom generation had during their trip to morocco  who were taken in by the mystical culture of sufism  a teaching that has a lot to offer its followers  contrary to the impression the film might give  seemed to pass her by . her knowledge of that trip is only surface deep  at best . she perhaps would have been better off not taking the kids along  smoking some hashish  and have been less assured of herself but to have behaved more like a hippie and she wouldn ', t have been so uptight all the time and had some fun on her journey . after all  the mystical trip is the journey . the film ', s strength is in how all the characters are shown for what they are  and no one is that good or that bad  or judged too harshly for their shortcomings . bilal is unreliable but is capable of generosity . the little girls are precocious but they are lovable . julia  the cornerstone the film is built on  is a mother who cares about the children but doesn ', t know how to take care of them without unintentionally harming them . she was trying to escape from reality and that by returning to london  she has another chance to see if she can find the key to this world or whatever world she is looking for and should no longer have nightmares about where she ', s at . this is a very freudian way to look at things  as this sudden realization  that things are not right puts an an end to her eastern hippie odyssey  at least  for the time being . and  after all is said and done  who ', s to say if the children are also not better off for surviving their experiences  just like she probably was !
pos did claus von bulow try to kill his wife sunny in their newport mansion ? that is the question reversal of fortune asks you to consider as it opens in a hospital ward  with a comatose sunny von bulow . she is the main narrator of the film  in a narrative trick that was extraordinarily risky for schroeder . the dramatic trick works  as sunny von bulow narrates a compelling story of murder  sex  unhappiness  and a lawyer ', s moral dilemma as he takes a case he thinks he cannot win . jeremy irons is claus von bulow  in what is his finest role  and one of the most devastingly evil performances in history . he is as hated as any man alive  as cold as a cucumber . his remorse for his wife ', s comatose condition is nonexistant  and it is no wonder that even his children have difficulty accepting his version of what happened during christmas  1980 . the background to the case is such . during christmas of 1979  sunny von bulow fell into a deep coma from which she recovered and awoke . the same situation occured in 1980  only sunny never woke  and probably never will . when examined  it was found that she had 14 times the normal amount of insulin within her blood . claus von bulow is then accused of attempted murder by his stepson  convicted  and freed on bail . he immediately hires alan dershowitz  the renowed harvard law professor  to acquit him . ron silver is magnificent as a moral lawyer who cannot stand what has happened to him . we follow him through two very different cases ; the case of the johnson case  where two innocent kids are standing on death row for a crime they didn ', t commit  and von bulow  who he still hasn ', t figured out . dershowitz doesn ', t know what happened to sunny  and he is extremely hesitant to take the case . nevertheless  he does  based on certain things which happen during the investigative process that deeply upset him . together with a group of law students  dershowitz concocts a defense and ultimately get the verdict reversed . silver ', s performance is one of a handful of solid roles in this deep film . schroeder directs on many different levels  with multiple plot lines which blend in wonderfully in the mind of alan dershowitz . there are flaws ; at times  the film gets overly theatrical . yet  due to glenn close ', s troubled and brutally honest performance as sunny von bulow  the use of her comatose body as a narrator works here fairly well . the flashbacks are good  but at times schroeder doesn ', t fill in the blanks . the movie could have benefited with the increased attention of certain developments during the film  and it could have used a better ending . the film progressed wonderfully before ending suddenly  without any intelligent conclusion . the supporting characters are often neglected  and dershowitz ', s team should have been allowed to grow character wise  but schroeder over - simplifies the story and the characters . yet  for all these flaws  the film is deeply engrossing because of irons . as von bulow  he is brutally evil . anti - semitic  prejudiced  arrogant  protective  he is a rotten  lying monster  whose conviction may have been wrong legally  but morally he was to blame . irons plays him to a cold perfection  with pathetic attempts to gain moral support for his claims to innocence . he is an adulterous liar and a cheat who in all likelihood committed the murder . however  the genius of reversal of fortune comes in its distinction between moral culpability and legal responsibility . there is no doubt von bulow is responsible for his wife ', s death by years of neglect and coldness . however  legally  did he do the murder ? schroeder dares the viewer to make up his own mind . with all the character flaws  reversal of fortune is an engrossing puzzle because it is intelligent ; he wants the viewer to make up his own mind . schroeder taunts the viewer with contradictory revelations  and then mentions that the answer to this compelling puzzle shall be revealed when we join sunny von bulow  in death . for all the failed dramatic theatrics  this is one that works beautifully . we don ', t know what happened . that sense of legal ambiguousness  along with von bulow ', s obvious moral guilt  is why reversalf fortune works . in the end  von bulow is as sadistic as ever . irons is haunting  and that is why reversal of fortune is so good .
pos driving miss daisy takes its sweet time to tell a small  intimate story . it ', s a quiet film  a slow film  a deliberate film . but if you ', re patient with it  the movie offers innumerable rewards  such as a pair of self - assured performances by morgan freeman and jessica tandy . driving miss daisy is based on alfred uhry ', s pulitzer - prize winning play of the same name  which first opened in new york four years ago . the play has garnered international acclaim with productions in chicago  los angeles  london  vienna  norway  and the soviet union . uhry himself wrote the screenplay for the film adaptation of driving miss daisy ; he also penned the wonderful sleeper  mystic pizza . the film  like the play  is set in atlanta  georgia  and it revolves around two people in their twilight years : a cranky  70 - something jewish widow who feels guilty about her wealth and a 60 - something black man who becomes her chauffeur . the movie relies on character  rather than plot  to propel the action . in fact  the movie has no discernible plot in the traditional sense ; it doesn ', t present a linear story in which all the scenes flow together . rather  driving miss daisy is made up of the routine activities of everyday life : shopping  listening to the radio  visiting the cemetery  eating fried chicken  and so on . the film also incorporates into the story line actual events in atlanta ', s history  including the 1958 bombing of the temple ( the city ', s oldest jewish congregation ) and a 1965 ceremony honoring the reverend dr . martin luther king  jr . the story begins in 1948 with daisy ( tandy ) crashing and wrecking her packard as she pulls out of her driveway . the insurance company cancels her insurance  and her son  boolie  decides to hire her a chauffeur . freeman  reprising his role from the play  plays the chauffeur  hoke . the film chronicles the warm friendship that slowly but surely blossoms between the chauffeur and his reluctant passenger . driving miss daisy is a movie about human nature  aging  prejudice  and a great many other things  but more than anything it ', s about a relationship : one that spans 25 years  4 cars  the advent of civil rights  and one gravely important 33 cent can of salmon . daisy is strong - willed and set in her ways  and  from the outset  she is utterly opposed to the idea of having a chauffeur . initially  she treats hoke with contempt  refusing to let him drive her anywhere . once she does get in the car  daisy is the ultimate back - seat driver . to make matters worse  she is extremely self - conscious about what others might think if they were to see her being escorted around town by a hired hand . eventually  however  daisy is worn down by hoke ', s good - natured charm and infectious cheer ; she softens and opens up to him . tandy plays the part of daisy exceedingly well  but unfortunately this feisty  cantankerous character is just a smidgen too commonplace . we ', ve seen this woman countless times before in other incarnations  from on golden pond to cocoon . nevertheless  tandy manages to put enough of a personal stamp on the familiar character to make it her own . freeman  as hoke  on the other hand  gives the more distinctive of the two performances . there is something profoundly moving about the way hoke maintains his pride and dignity in a society which forbids him from using public rest rooms because of his skin color . hoke is uneducated and illiterate  but freeman always suggests that there is something more to this man  an inner strength beneath the simpleton exterior . both freeman and tandy seem to be in their element  in full command of their natural charisma . they flirt with the camera and dominate scenes without overtly calling attention to themselves . they bring a light touch to their humorous banter and to the movie ', s gentle humor . at the same time  tandy and freeman provide more than a few moments of truly poignant drama . in his first dramatic role  dan aykroyd is surprisingly chubby and unexpectedly effective as boolie  tandy ', s loving and patient son . drama seems to agree with aykroyd ; taking a break from comedy seems like a good move for the actor  especially when you consider the wretched comedies he has made recently ( ghostbusters ii  the great outdoors  my stepmother is an alien ) . the only other significant characters in the film are daisy ', s housekeeper  idella  marvelously played by esther rolle ( " good times " )  and boolie ', s pretentious wife  played by patti lupone . under the direction of bruce beresford ( crimes of the heart  tender mercies )  driving miss daisy seems a bit stagey now and again . but fortunately  beresford never forgets he ', s shooting a movie  and accordingly  he offers plenty of striking cinematic touches  such as gorgeous shots of flowers  trees  and tomatoes . in adapting driving miss daisy from the stage to the screen  the filmmakers have achieved a delicate subtlety . uhry understands that what his characters do not say can be just as important as what they do say . beresford wisely exercises restraint in the film ', s dramatic moments . the movie tugs at your heart  but it never goes for the jugular . the only sap in driving miss daisy is in the trees .
pos when people are talking about good old times  they actually want to make some bad times look better . nice example of such behaviour is contemporary attitude of popular media towards the 1970s . for new generations  superseventies are the lost golden age of chic fashion  cult tv shows and sexual freedom unchecked by aids . for people who actually had to live in that period  it was the gloomy decade  marked by lost ideals of 1968  rampant inflation and unemployment  international terrorism  fuel crisis and loss of faith in almost anything that previous generation stood for . feelings of despair and nihilism found its reflections in many films of that era . martin scorsese ', s taxi driver  which symbolises both the glory and despair of the seventies  is most celebrated of them all . the movie ', s protagonist is travis bickle ( robert de niro )  26 - year old former marine who takes the job of taxi driver in new york city because he can ', t sleep at nights . the job gets him exposed to the dark side of apocalyptic megalopolis  and travis gradually gets alienated from the rest of world . the only bright spot in his life is betsy ( cybil sheperd )  attractive woman working in senator palantine ', s presidential campaign . their date ends as humiliating fiasco because travis makes fatal mistake by inviting her to porno movie theatre . losing his only link to better side of the world  travis gradually descends into psychosis  becoming convinced that his mission in life is to battle scum on the street . he purchases a formidable arsenal of guns and begins physical preparations for the inevitable conflict . that conflict finally comes when he takes personal interest in iris ( jodie foster )  12 - year old prostitute who temporarily took refuge in his taxi . as many great movies that got cult status through the years  taxi driver became the object of many interpretations . for some critics and scholars it is an exploration of universal subjects that date back to dostoyevski - loss of moral compass in a bleak reality of dirty  overpopulated industrial cities ; the story could have been set in 19th century same as in our times . for others  the movie uses raskolnikov - like figure in order to portray burning problems of 1970s america - its apparent inability to deal with the consequences of rapid social changes that occurred in previous decade . brilliant performance of robert de niro in role of a lifetime can give arguments for both sides . his travis bickle has a lot in common with most of the average viewers of today - many of us share his feelings of isolation  loneliness and outrage towards crime  drugs  prostitution and senseless street violence . his pathetic attempts to establish some kind of human connection with the people around him  sometimes in most unusual circumstances - like with secret service agents  pimps or job interviewers - make him a person too goofy to be the hero  and too pathetic to be the classic villain . however  most of the average viewers are sensible enough to recognise the tin line that separate concerned citizens or troubled souls from fanatical madmen . but despite anything  average viewer at the end actually cheers for travis - his crusade against " scum " is something that average person wants  but doesn ', t have a stomach / lack of brains to do it . while de niro ', s travis might come in and out of particular times and places  other persons that appear in the film ( mostly played by the character actors ) give it distinctively 1970s feel . wizzard ( played by peter boyle ) presents the only link with america ', s better past ; but only because he is the oldest taxi driver in company and therefore everybody assumes that he " knows stuff " . his obvious inadequacy in giving advice to troubled travis illustrates the inability of pre - 1960s generations to find answers to the problems of gloomy decade . other characters  on the other hand  show the bad side of new age . matthew " sport " ( keitel  who befriended real - life pimps in other to prepare for his role of a lifetime ) is dressed like a hippie ; iris found excuse for her escape to the world of drugs and child prostitution in a ideology of counterculture . porno movies  that should be the element of new times of sexual freedom  are too much even for supposedly " liberated " betsy . even the politicians  like senator palantine  are lost in post - vietnam and post - watergate mess ; his broad and senseless " messages " that cover the lack of any serious program can ', t fool even such idiots like travis . the past is gone  the present is bad  and even the future seems bleak  and the feeling of pessimism can ', t be washed away even by ironic happy end . travis and his world found themselves in a desperate situation  and martin scorsese uses the best of his cinematic skills in order to spill the gloom of schrader ', s screenplay into the silver screen . new york city in the night is portrayed as a hell on earth  and the red light and steam coming out of sewers give it surreal  almost stygian atmosphere . another important element of the atmosphere is score of great bernard herrman  whose efficient use of jazz elements gives some melancholy that softens the brutality of motion picture . one of the greatest ironies of taxi driver is the fact that the movie was  same as his protagonist  famous for the wrong reason . instead of receiving cult status because of his artistic merits  for many years it was tabloid - fodder because of hinckley and his real - life re - enactment of events in the movie . now  more than two decades later  when some other " life imitating art " incidents get more attention  we can finally enjoy taxi driver in all its artistic glory .
pos note : ordinarily  moviereviews . org will not give away any critical plot points of a film that could be interpreted as " spoilers . " however  being that music of the heart is based on a true story and that moviereviews . org feels the film can not be properly credited without such revelations  plot giveaways will appear in the following review . if this bothers you  please note the 3 star rating of the film and stop reading now . " what does it take to play carnegie hall ? practice . " it takes two hours for music of the heart to " play carnegie hall  " both figuratively and literally . like the children it portrays  the movie starts from the dark realms of awful cinema and works its way up to a show - stopping performance at the legendary concert hall . roberta guaspari ( academy award winner meryl streep ) has two kids  a husband who left her and 50 violins she bought from a small shop in the mediterranean . her life desperately needs a jump start and gets one when she meets a man who introduces her to a job as a music teacher at an east harlem elementary school . she soon finds her job is on the rocks as the men in her life continue to rotate through revolving doors . that is the pattern - like plot of this production . ultimately  the film chooses a zero - sum answer to these problems and finds her music career at an all - time high when the men in her life finally vanish . the first hour of music of the heart is rather painful . roberta ', s character lacks development and consequently seems to be flat . also lacking depth is the film ', s " bad guy  " a narrow - minded music teacher ( josh pais ) who rejects roberta out of principle ( the movie never explains exactly which principle that is ) and conveniently comes and goes from the plot according to when it might be dramatic to have a villain around . the next 15 minutes of the film are mediocre . they are highlighted by one child ', s return to roberta ', s class ( coming after the great old hollywood scene where he explains be can ', t be around anymore because " my mom said . . . " ) and a glowing concert . not knowing the running time  you may expect the credits to role at this point . but they don ', t . instead the film uses the next 45 minutes to finish its journey from bad to mediocre to excellent . director wes craven  known for his works of horror  uses some old sentimental tricks to get the audience tearing . one romantic break up scene is highlighted by the classic " but . . . last night . . . " and roberta ', s two children also have textbook conflicts with their single mother regarding their father ', s absence . the city of harlem plays a strong role in the movie . roberta ', s mother is initially reluctant to see her daughter move to that part of town and the film does nothing to combat that stereotype . the noise tracks for these scenes are dominated by sirens ; predictably one of roberta ', s students is gunned down and killed off screen . one thing the film does lack is subtlety . the fact that a little boy was playing " we shall overcome " on his violin after the aforementioned shooting was a cute and discreet reference . the fact that the entire orchestra begins to play it over and over soon after is an overdone reference that shows how little credit he gives the audience . ( of course  in horror films the foreshadowing and between - the - line moments are meant to be overdone  so perhaps he too is just learning to play the game . ) even with all its flaws  music of the heart is a beautiful film . that is not an excuse for the movie ', s poor beginning . but as i watched the scenes in carnegie hall  i thought of some of the great acts that have taken that stage . in december of 1979 a comedian named andy kaufman put on a show that will forever be remembered as one of the most original in theatre history . the performance included a dead - on elvis impression  robin williams in disguise and a moment at the end when kaufman announced he would take the whole audience out for milk and cookies . so  how did this comic genius choose to open the show of his life ? he had a character named tony clifton take the stage for the sole purpose of irritating and angering the audience . perhaps it is okay for music of the heart to start off rusty because just as kaufman had santa ', s favorite food  this movie has an amazing finale .
pos seen april 16  1999 at 10 p . m . at crossgates cinema 18 ( guilderland  n . y . )  theater # 15  by myself for free using my hoyts ', critic ', s pass . [ theater rating : * * * 1 / 2 : very good seats  sound and picture ] do you realize that every time you encounter a new person you ', ve just become part of a story ? everyone has their own life story  both past and present  and every time two or more interact  they become part of each others ', story ( not necessarily an important or even significant part  but a part nevertheless ) . that seems to be the basic theory behind ` go  ', where several characters ', chance encounters all effect each other in extreme ways . in order to test this theory screenwriter john august and director doug liman assemble a cast of characters that wouldn ', t usually be the types to have an entire film revolve around them  such as a teenage supermarket cashier  a bottom - of - the - drug - food - chain dealer and two struggling soap opera actors . these types of characters might not sound all that original  but consider that they will all be somehow effected by a strip club bouncer and his psychotic father  a mid - level drug dealer  a narc obsessed with multi - level - marketing  horny wedding guests  a zen lovemaker  two shrimp - scarfers and a cute normal teenage girl to round things out . how they will all come together is the process the film deals with . i ', d imagine the concept to the film started out as the creators ', testing themselves to see if they could actually pull it off and the outcome is a terrific achievement in filmmaking and the craft of fiction in general . the film starts out as anything else  with little indication of what ', s to come . we meet ronna ( polley )  a depressed los angeles checkout girl who doesn ', t seem to have much desire to do anything except work just to pay her rent . she ', s not very charming  especially to her customers  but this is played mostly for laughs rather than characterization and it works . maybe this is because she ', s not a very afeminite character  but she ', s far from masculine - a creative character indeed . things start to progress when ronna reluctantly agrees to take the hours of the goofy  hyperactive  yet likable simon ( askew )  an english teen into vices for the sake of the experiences . this agreement starts a three - pronged storyline as it allows simon to go to las vegas for the weekend with his friends and in turn drags ronna and her friends into buying and selling an experimental drug . the process of which will not only bring ronna close to being arrested but also to death . nearly the same can be said for two other characters  zack ( mohr ) and adam ( wolf )  who we don ', t think much of when they first appear as supporting characters  but later will become major players to the film ', s makeup - another process used by the filmmakers to elaborate on the theory of how significant insignificant interaction might be . once the pace is picked up the film really begins to show its mettle . when the title screen ` ronna ', is flashed shortly after the aforementioned turning point scene  it ', s clear this film isn ', t going to employ the standard linear method of storytelling . considering how good it is up until that point  it ', s a long overdue change of pace needed in movies today . and so the film begins to take shape  first by following ronna and her friends on a one - night adventure that begins with a drug deal instigated by zack and adam ( who were actually looking for simon )  which doesn ', t exactly go as planned  but that ', s what keeps it all so interesting . the second storyline starts at the same moment as ronna ', s story  but this time the camera chooses to follow simon instead . simon and his three friends head to ? vegas for a night on the town and in the process experience things they never would have imagined . the third arc  about zack and adam  again overlaps with ronna ', s story telling much of the same story but from a completely different angle . we ', re shown things we never would have expected were going on while following ronna . and many of the events that do happen to ronna because of zack and adam aren ', t even their fault - they just happened to be where they were when they were . i ', d really like to dissect each of the three storylines and especially how the film wraps up in the end  but that would take up too much time and space and spoil everything for those who haven ', t seen the film . perhaps the greatest element to the film is its constant surprises and unpredictability  and not due to plot twists or a confusing screenplay  just through great filmmaking . still  i can list and analyze nearly everything the film does so well : ? direction : trying to piece together such a complex story is no easy task and for a rookie filmmaker such as liman  it ', s a great accomplishment . he doesn ', t just depict a story  he wraps us up in it all  pulling us into the fray so that we experience every high and low . ? screenplay : besides being chiseled with detail and creative in general  it ', s clear the script has been inspired by many sources  with both obvious and subtle references  yet it never screams ` rip - off . ', ? tone / mood : where other hollywood films have failed to bring the charm of the independents to the mainstream  this one is able to create its own sense of the macabre . it ', s not overly - dark or twisted and the comedy isn ', t so satirical for it to be considered a black comedy  more like ` macabre light . ', ? cinematography / art direction : able to photograph both the intense and the lighthearted in the same manner . ? characterization : for nearly every character introduced  no matter what role they play in the big picture  we ', re able to get a sense of who they are  what they ', re thinking and how they came to be in their situations . even when their actions are surprising  it never seems very out of synch . ? performances : every actor nails their role ( see above ) . ? theme / theory : the film doesn ', t seem to be concerned with conveying any kind of political or social messages  instead  it ', s more of a philosophical experiment . in fact  it might not have meant to do that intentionally  but there definitely is something existential to it all . . . . and to think that ` go ', is just a big comedy and adventure ! ( 4 / 23 / 99 ) [ see also : ` the big lebowski  ', ` clerks  ', ` jackie brown  ', ` pulp fiction  ', ` true romance ; ', also by liman : ` swingers "']"])
pos mars attacks ! ( 1996 ) - c : jack nicholson  glenn close  annette bening  martin short  danny devito  rod steiger  pierce brosnan  sarah jessica parker  michael j . fox  jim brown  pam grier  joe don baker  natalie portman  christina applegate  lisa marie  tom jones . this is director tim burton ', s finest film to date . many will compare this tale of martians who invade earth to independence day  but even though the stories are similar  they really are two distinctly different films . however as a whole  mars attacks is much more entertaining than id4  and i loved id4 . you really have to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy this film . it is completely wacked - out and unlike anything you ', ve ever seen . once the silly tone of the film is set  it ', s easy to just sit back and throw logic out the window because logic and comedy just don ', t mix . the plot is simple : martians invade the earth . but it ', s different than any other invasion film . usually it ', s the evil aliens versus the heroic humans . this time however  it ', s the goofy aliens versus the equally goofy humans . the martians  who are all computer generated  are just about the funniest things i ', ve seen in a long time . they look funny  they move funny  and their " language " is hilarious . and about the special effects . the effects in mars attacks ! are just about the most flawless ones i ', ve seen to date . the computer animation of the martians combined with the goofy personalities they are given makes them seem 100 % real . there are just a couple of scenes that don ', t work  mainly those involving sarah jessica parker and pierce brosnan on board an alien ship . also  glenn close overacts tremendously in her ( thankfully ) very limited screen time  so much so that i actually applauded silently when her character meets her demise . but there are many big laughs in the film  as i said  if you are in the right mood . could it have been funnier ? certainly . was it funny enough ? yes . was i entertained ? absolutely . on a personal note  i ', d like to thank whomever cast rod steiger ( my favorite actor ) in the film as war - crazy general decker . finally  after many very small parts in direct to video garbage and minor tv roles  steiger is back on the big screen in a real movie that many people will see . while he ', s not given the type of role that you can give a real " performance " in  he does the job well and has some good lines of dialogue . the preview audience i saw the film with really seemed to enjoy him .
pos when i was asked to see this movie with a friend  my initial reaction was ? not hugh grant ! ', i was perhaps wrong to be so harsh  but after his insidious flirtation with a street hooker  i just could not picture him in any romantic lead . what makes this movie a wonderful experience is not the fact it stars hugh  but because it stars julia and carries with it a brilliantly written script . this writer richard curtis  whose exceptional first work ? four weddings and funeral ', shows us that he is a master in the domain of the romantic comedy  with splashes of drama thrown in between . hugh and his hair  is almost identical to the character that made him famous in ? four weddings ', . he plays an ordinary guy who is down and out on his luck . unfortunately  he is type cast in this role  but fortunately it works well for him in this movie . if only he would dither a little less . julia knows this role well . the glamorous movie star who is searching for true love . there are moments in this movie  that you almost weep for her pain felt loneliness . how sad it must be to be so wealthy and beautiful  but to have no one to share it with . the writer deals with difficult issues of love and social class on various levels . how differences in social standing can make it almost impossible for love to grow in such a harsh environment . how the media can be as cruel as it can be attentive  and how fulfilment in life and love can be found in forgiveness and sacrifice .
pos you ', d think it would be easy to spoof star trek  but try spoofing it without cruelly mocking it . that ', s a bit more difficult . the farfetched sci - fi series is  after all  enormously popular  what with its gigantic fan base and ongoing installments both on television and in movies . if you ', re not nice to it  you lose . galaxy quest is to star trek what mel brooks ', s spaceballs was to star wars  an affectionate  riotously funny parody that freely takes jabs at various elements of its subject but never seems mean - spirited or malintentioned . " the show ', s been cancelled  but the journey is far from over . " that is the current tagline of " galaxy quest  " a star trek - type show that ', s no longer produced but lives on forever in reruns . it also lives on in conventions  gatherings of the show ', s obsessive fans who never fail to dress in " galaxy quest " costumes and ask absurdly logical questions about its delirious technobabble . jason nesmith ( tim allen ) played " commander peter quincy taggart " on the show and is the only one of the cast who still gets excited about the gigs they have to do . the attitudes of the rest -- tommy webber ( daryl mitchell  gwen demarco ( sigourney weaver )  fred kwan ( tony shalhoub ) and alexander dane ( alan rickman ) -- range from indifference to utter contempt . dane  who played a spock - like alien  is especially disgusted  considering himself above his demeaning job and stubbornly refusing to recite his character ', s cheesy trademark line " by grabthar ', s hammer  you shall be avenged " ( or something like that ) for his die - hard fans . one day  nesmith is greeted by an especially fanatical group of " galaxy quest " followers . they are actually aliens from a planet known as thermia . they have mistaken the " galaxy quest " episodes for historical documentation of actual heroic space travel . the next day  the thermians whisk nesmith away to a spaceship to help them defeat the evil sarris ( named  in one of the film ', s only mean - spirited gags  after village voice film critic andrew sarris ) . nesmith thinks it is only an elaborate gig  and sort of blows it off  but when he is transported -- or i should say shot -- back to earth in a rather celestial manner  he believes . next thing the cast knows  they are being dragged by nesmith to this spaceship . of course  they all think he is out of his mind and once he does convince them that there really is a spaceship  what they want to do is get out of there as fast as the transporters will take them . but after some persuading  they stay on to fight the icky sarris and find a way to provide a peaceful existance for the flailing thermians . i was quite surprised how well this comedy  which came off as utterly brainless from its marketing campaign  worked . taking shots at both the obvious and not - so - obvious elements of star trek and its fandom  galaxy quest never goes for cheap laughs  opting instead for broad but smart parody . nothing is safe -- not the cliches  not the fans  not the absurd taglines -- but on the other hand  everything is safe  since galaxy quest treats its subject with utter respect and sometimes even subtle admiration . the highlight of the movie is tony shalhoub ', s fred a . k . a . tech sergeant chen who  when in character  is the complete opposite of scotty from the original star trek . while scotty  who was the technician for the enterprise would constantly yell " i need more power down here captain ! "  chen ', s cry for help is more to the tune of " the core  like  won ', t take it or something . " it ', s a hoot  but it doesn ', t stop there : weaver  whose character has the menial task of repeating everything the computer says and rickman  with his relentlessly holier - than - thou attitude aren ', t far behind . galaxy quest succeeds as a funny parody of star trek and while it ', s not a masterpiece -- it tends to falter in its more serious moments -- it is immensely entertaining fluff and excellent counterprogramming to all the sober oscar contenders being released this holiday season . by grabthar ', s hammer  this is a hell of a movie .
pos in my review of there ', s something about mary  i said something to the effect of " laughter isn ', t everything . " i now need to make a brief addendum to my postulate : laughter isn ', t everything  unless i ', m watching a jim abrahams film . see  spoofs are easy with me . i love movies  and i love movies that make fun of movies that i love . sometimes i ', m the only one in the theater laughing . sometimes i laugh so hard that i embarass myself because my laugh is so high - pitched in comparison to my speaking voice ( it cuts right through everyone else ', s laughter ) . sometimes i laugh so much that my cheekbones are sore by the end of the film . abraham ', s latest film  mafia !  induced this kind of hysteria upon me . it ', s gotten some mediocre reviews  but  hey  i ', m the guy who laughs at everything . there may be a lot of jokes that flop in this film  but there are far more that work  and i laughed so frequently that the failed jokes usually occurred as i was recovering from the previous bout of giddy madness . i enjoy films like this because not one second of it is serious or thought - provoking . most lighweight films that pose as comedies try to do other things  like develop characters  shape stories  and other such nonsense . mafia ! has no pretentions about characters or story  and it exists for no other reason than to make people laugh . the film begins on the perfect high note  with a mockery of the opening of casino . our hero ( jay mohr ) is seen walking from a casino and getting into his car  which subsequently explodes and sends him flying through the air against a backdrop of flowing fire . to describe the story of mafia ! is absurd and pointless  but i will mention that it basically follows the framework of the godfather films  with a lot of casino references inserted throughout . along the way  the parodies seem arbitrary  and rarely victimize mob films : pictures like the english patient  forrest gump  and jaws undergo severe and hilarious bashing . movies like this rely on just a few things  but the most important element is direction . abrahams has been down this path many times before ( hot shots !  top secret !  airplane !  and any other film with an exclamation point in the title )  and so i hold most of the success of mafia ! to his experience . he takes just the right attitude in each scene  and manages to wring at least a bit laughter out of even the most oddly placed references ( one inexplicable moment seems like it wants to make fun of titanic  but it never develops ) . the actors are all energetic  which helps a lot with the tone of the film . mohr ( suicide kings  paulie )  who is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors  is so good here . he looks like he ', s having so much fun that he ', s containing his laughter in every scene ( watch his face in the sequence by the swimming pool ) . he ', s probably the only performer in the cast who manages to urge laughter without the help of the material . lloyd bridges does a decent imitation of brando ', s godfather  while pamela gidley is dead - on in a full - blown mockery of sharon stone . the hard thing about writing reviews for comedies is that i ', m supposed to give examples of things and be specific . unfortunately  i was so constantly blindsided by laughter during mafia ! that i can ', t remember a lot of what made me laugh . but that ', s a good sign : mafia ! is so funny that i wasn ', t even given time to apply any of the scenes to memory . i laughed so hard that it shut off my brain . i know that doesn ', t sound particularly complimentary  but when watching a dumb comedy like this  the first thing i want to do is shut off my brain . finally  a film that does this for me .
pos showgirls is the second major outing for the production team of pual verhoeven  director  and joe eszterhas  writer . their last effort  basic instinct  played like the most sumptuous of classic hitchcock  with a dash of raw sex and sensuality that made it come across with a hit like curry - spiced tabasco sauce ; a dish not to everyone ', s taste  but certainly a well - crafted movie . possibly that movie ', s greatest strength was that the most important events happened offstage  prior to the movie  during the movie  and after the movie . . . and that  after bringing all the plotlines together neatly  it left the viewer with full knowledge of what * would * happen in the characters ', future  so there was no need to film it . there was actually about four hours ', worth of screen story there  but eszterhas found ways to get it all on - screen in two  by leading his audience into analyzing what was really going on ; and by still holding their interest with clever misdirection and false trails . the major elements that made basic instinct work so well are present in showgirls . we have attractive  sympathetic  but still highly repellent characters ; we have shows for the eyes and the ears  plotlines that play on several levels  we have beautifully delineated characters who are drawn from life and very believable  and we have a story of an innocent ( who may not be so innocent ) who ', s trying to play straight  trying to improve her station in life  who slips into behaving the way those around her do . . . but recovers with a flourish  and quits a winner . in this sense  the movie is a bit of a departure for verhoeven  who ', s not known for treating his characters well ; but nomi  the part played by elizabeth berkley  definitely opts out of the game in a positive way  and we ', re left feeling good about her future . this is not one of the great movies  but it ', s far better than we ', d been led to expect by all the negative pre - release publicity . verhoeven got his first oscar nomination in 1971  and in the last quarter - century has pushed farther and farther  experimenting with the socially - acceptable limits to movie - making . his most recent three movies  robocop  total recall  and basic instinct  have been a progression of back - door access to american culture  moving from the fantastic through the merely psychotic to the underlying basic drives ; and now he ', s exploring the sleeze . this movie may be the first movie ever made for which the director ', s contract contained a specific provision that he would not have to deliver an r rated movie . ( verhoeven had to cut several parts of basic instinct to get an r rating  although his original version is available on video . ) many reviewers have taken the politically - correct stance that any movie which uses naked ladies as scenery is a bad thing ; but they miss the fact that this movie is not about naked ladies  it ', s about people in an environment where naked ladies are common  and why such an environment should exist . it ', s about the scum who use other people as power - trip toys  and the need to escape their power . it ', s about a world where sex is nothing and normal human values don ', t pertain ; and the lack of sexual excitement and passionate heat in even the most blatant scenes is something of an accomplishment . an nc - 17 movie which isn ', t sexually exciting says a great deal about the phoniness and emptiness of a social stratum where sex has been robbed of any kind of beauty  power  or value . the one scene in the movie that * could * have been a good sex scene  berkley and maclachlan in a swimming pool  is not exciting  because by then we already know his character is a callous manipulator . if anything  it ', s a rape scene with a victim who ', s been duped into cooperation . you don ', t make a movie about the history of black people in america without using a few black actors ; you don ', t make a movie about world war ii without a few guns going off and a few people getting killed ; and you don ', t make a movie about las vegas showgirls without showing a few las vegas showgirls . . . and in an awful lot of vegas shows  an awful lot of ladies wear very little clothing . this is a legitimate portrayal of a rather seamy side of the entertainment industry  in a town where sex is simply a negotiable commodity . showgirls de - glamorizes the las vegas show and sex industries with great effectiveness . nomi is played  in a very good performance  by elizabeth berkley  who gives us a solid picture of a woman with limited talents who ', s at the end of her rope  desperate to live a life better than the one she ', s known . she has nothing to market except her body and her limited dancing ability  and is trying desperately not to to be a hooker  trying to be something better than she seems destined to be . when nomi realizes she ', s gone too far for too little  she catches herself just in time to save the most essential part of who she wants to be . gina rivera plays molly  a dressmaker and costumer who befriends nomi  providing her with what may be the one solid  positive relationship in nomi ', s entire life . molly is the one who makes the difference  and provides the role model and framework nomi needs to verify the value system she ', ll be using for the rest of her life  and nomi ', s feelings for molly are the spur that forces nomi ', s decision . gina gershon plays cristal  an aging  but still very attractive starring dancer  a reflexively competitive manipulator who ', s become a villainess by internalizing the ethos of the crooks and scum around her . gershon plays cristal as a cross between ava gardner and raquel welch ; a fading talent made bitter by self - awareness . her character is very well drawn and performed ; in a major scene in a hospital room  she acknowledges what she is  and  in essence  passes the torch to nomi . the relationship between the two of them is the most honest one in the movie  and provides part of the impetus nomi needs to follow a different path . it is no accident that the three important parts in this movie are women of different stripe ; molly is an honest  hard - working person who means well  and nearly dies because she confuses the glitter and the image with reality . cristal is a talented dancer who ', s compromised her ideals and sold herself to be a co - operating part of the system  exchanging self - respect for the species of stardom that can be had in las vegas . nomi believes she can make it without selling herself  succumbs to a degree  and then realizes she can make it without selling herself  and doesn ', t need las vegas or its brand of " stardom . " the male parts in this movie are simply props ; they exist only to demonstrate and explicate the cultural milieu against which showgirls exist . kyle maclachlan  whose single best previous work was as an inhumanly emotionless cop in the hidden  gives us a nicely reptilian bit of pond scum on two legs  camouflaged as a nice guy . glenn plummer plays a dancer who ', s working as a bellboy  and provides a bit of alternate perspective . plummer ', s character is the only one in the movie who ', s maintaining an interest in dance as a performing art  but even he ', s succumbed to the cult of manipulation . plummer ', s character is the closest thing to a sympathetic male character in the whole movie . some of jost vacano ', s cinematography is fantastic  and one particular delineation of nomi ', s character alteration  a no - dialog scene using nothing but color changes in the lighting  is utterly terrifying . this movie is rated nc - 17 due to language  sexual situations  full frontal nudity  violence  and probably the costuming as well . i don ', t see a way this particular story could have been told well without it  and i regard it as a legitimate exercise in movie - making . but don ', t go see it if you ', re not in a tough mood ; the only person it ', s possible to like in this movie ends up in an i . c . u . on life support  and there is probably not one character in this movie you ', d enjoy meeting in person .
pos it has been three long years since quentin tarantino stunned the cinema world by claiming the cannes film festival ', s palme d ', or  a $ 100 million - plus box office gross  and an oscar nomination ? all for his sophomore outing  pulp fiction . since then  the talented film maker has been virtually invisible  surfacing briefly as a co - director of the wildly uneven four rooms and the screenwriter of the gory vampire - fest  from dusk till dawn . in between  he has moonlighted as an " actor " with several decidedly unmemorable performances . now  with much fanfare and anticipation  tarantino has returned with his third directorial effort  jackie brown . and  while this motion picture  adapted from elmore leonard ', s novel  rum punch  offers solid entertainment  those expecting another bravura outing from tarantino will leave theaters disappointed . for the most part  jackie brown is a pretty ordinary crime movie . the story  which starts out slowly  develops into a twisty affair  with double - crosses and triple - crosses . and the movie is littered with occasional tarantino trademarks : witty dialogue  unexpected gunfire  ', 70s pop tunes  and close - ups of womens ', bare feet . yet  for all of that  the production is something of a letdown . the sheer  in - your - face exuberance that marked reservoir dogs and especially pulp fiction is absent . the mostly - straightforward chronology of jackie brown doesn ', t match up favorably to the non - linear style of tarantino ', s previous efforts ? an approach that added tension and edginess to the narratives . and there aren ', t nearly as many deliciously offbeat conversations this time around . there ', s a samuel l . jackson monologue about guns  a jackson / chris tucker argument regarding the merits of hiding in a car trunk  and a jackson / robert de niro exchange that recalls some of the jackson / travolta material from pulp fiction  but that ', s about it . jackie brown ', s lone " innovation " is its presentation of a crucial sequence from three different perspectives . this isn ', t exactly an original technique ? it has been done numerous times before  most famously in akira kurosawa ', s rashomon and most recently in edward zwick ', s courage under fire . however  while in those two movies ( and others )  there was a legitimate plot reason for the multiple points - of - view  tarantino ', s sole purpose for using it appears to be because it ', s unconventional . had the scenes in question been shown from only one of the three vantages  nothing would have been lost . as a result  this aspect of the film is little more than a curiosity . for the second picture in a row  tarantino is attempting to revive the career of a ', 70s icon . this time around  instead of john travolta  it ', s blaxploitation queen pam grier ( foxy brown has become jackie brown ) . in one of many nods to the most famous segment of grier ', s career  tarantino uses a ', 70s song to accompany her first appearance during the opening credits . there are also several instances during jackie brown when the director offers a sly wink towards certain conventions of the blaxploitation genre ( although grier never does any butt - kicking ) . grier is jackie brown  a flight attendant who gets caught transporting drugs and money into the united states . she ', s working for gun dealer ordell robbie ( samuel l . jackson )  but she keeps her mouth shut under questioning  despite pressure from ray nicolet ( michael keaton )  a federal official . no longer sure whether or not he can trust jackie  ordell arranges for a bail bondsman  max cherry ( robert forster  tv ', s " banyon " ) to post the necessary $ 10  000  then plans to shoot jackie if she proves disloyal . jackie passes ordell ', s test  however  and soon the two of them are plotting a way to smuggle $ 500  000 of ordell ', s money into the united states without tipping off the feds . soon  just about everyone is after that money  including jackie  max  ray  ordell ', s perpetually oversexed and drugged - out girlfriend  melanie ( bridget fonda )  and his right - hand man  louis ( robert de niro ) . unsurprisingly  the most memorable performance is turned in by samuel l . jackson  but ordell isn ', t nearly as invigorating or compelling a character as jules from pulp fiction . in addition to looking fantastic  pam grier is also quite good  although hers is not an oscar - caliber performance ( although she might get a nomination ) . robert forster and michael keaton are solid in their tough - guys - who - rarely - smile roles . bridget fonda is around for three discernible reasons : to look sexy in a bikini  to provide a little twisted comedy  and to satisfy tarantino ', s foot fetish . robert de niro is criminally underused in a part that could have been played equally well by any grungy - looking  middle - aged actor . the film  which clocks in at several minutes over the two - and - a - half hour mark  is probably too long for the material  but the plot is convoluted enough to keep us guessing throughout ( although the payoff is a letdown ) . tarantino keeps things moving along nicely  with a heavier dose of humor and less violence than in pulp fiction  but  on the whole  this movie seems more like the work of one of his wannabes than something from the director himself . when it comes to recent caper films ( like the grifters and bound )  jackie brown is a second - tier effort . it ', s an entertaining diversion  but not a masterpiece  and certainly not an oscar contender .
pos one of the biggest cliches of any serial killer film is also one of the most believable . you know  the one where the detective looks at a wall of pictures and other police information  and suddenly spots the clue which reveals who the killer is . sure  it ', s been used over and over  but for some reason  it is always fun to watch . this cliche pretty much describes the level kiss the girls works on : overused  but always fun . one of my personal rules about watching a film is not how original the film is  but how it goes around giving its story . this rule applies highly to kiss the girls . there is something psychologically stimulating in a well - crafted serial killer movie  and kiss the girls is certainly well made . however  the whole film screams of unoriginality  and so it relies on the power of its actors and the technical detail to pull it through . well  not only are the actors capable of pulling it through  but they add so much to the film that nearly every flaw is covered up . unfortunately  one of the most revealing and rather insulting choices by the filmmakers ( one that seven  a film a lot like this one  knew not to make ) was to put the name of the killer in the opening credits . that may give the actor credit for the role  but throughout the film  hidden in my mind  i was waiting for him to appear on screen  which spoiled the mystery . however  credit must be given to the director for suspending this knowledge through most of the film . plotwise  kiss the girls shows almost no originality . we are introduced to detective alex cross ( morgan freeman )  a forensic psychologist  and immediately we are given the cliched scene establishing him as the hero . he gets a call about a woman who has shot her husband and is now threatening to kill herself . obviously cross succeeds at getting the gun  but this scene is quickly forgotten during the next scene . at his house  cross is told that his neice  naomi ( gina ravera )  has been missing for four days . this provides the motivation for cross to find the killer  but we are never given a chance to establish the relationship between the two  and as a result  we can ', t sympathize with detective cross . however  what makes kiss the girls slightly original is the introduction of one of the abductees . . . before she is abducted . dr . kate mctiernan ( ashley judd  the actress of the judd family ) is a smart  athletic woman  and because of these traits  becomes a target for casanova -- what the serial killer likes to call himself . because of these character - developing scenes  we care for mctiernan  making the abduction scene all that more suspenseful . after being abducted  mctiernan wakes up and finds herself in a cell somewhere in the woods . remembering that the killer gave her certain rules  she decides to break one of them by calling out . when casanova comes to punish her  she breaks out and escapes by jumping over a waterfall . after she is found  she begins to help cross find his neice . from this moment on  kiss the girls takes on the form of every other serial killer film  as the two leads search for the rest of the victims held captive . many people will compare this film to 1995 ', s seven  another killer film starring morgan freeman  but i presume that the similarities are intentional . the screenplay  by david klass  is adapted from the novel written by james patterson  and yet i don ', t quite see how this story could have worked in novel form . what makes kiss the girls so good is the acting and the technical and visual impressiveness . the cinematography  by aaron schneider  is reminiscient of seven  and sometimes i felt that many of the shots were trying too hard to impress us . sometimes a simple shot is the best one . however  many of the shots are stunning  and unlike seven  most of them take place during the day  in sunlight . the scene when ashley judd is running through the forest is extremely well done  in more than one way . the camera work is terrific  but the editing makes this scene work so well . the chaotic and mtv - type cutting gives the audience a sense of confusion and unawareness  exactly what judd ', s character is experiencing . however  the best aspect of kiss the girls is its actors . morgan freeman is one of today ', s most powerful and believable actors . detective cross is a very good character for him  although it is just a similar one to the character in seven . because of freeman ', s powerful presence  he carries half the film by himself . the other half is carried by ashley judd  one of today ', s most promising dramatic actresses . in fact  her performance is better than freeman ', s  if that is even possible . her character is more original than freeman ', s  and she handles it wonderfully . we finally have a female character in a movie like this who does more than just scream . the supporting cast is highly underdeveloped  but the cast members do as much as they can with it . cary elwes portrays a cop in north carolina  and unfortunately has scraps for a character . tony goldwyn fairs slightly better  but we don ', t really get to know his character either . gina ravera gives a good performance  but again she isn ', t in many of the scenes . so as a result of all these small supporting parts  the weight of the film lies on the two leads  and they do a phenomenal job . some of the best acting of this genre  and some of the best acting of the year . two other essential aspects of the film are quite good . director gary fleder does a good job of controlling his actors  but the second half of the film loses believability  especially during the revelation of the killer . he also doesn ', t handle the suspenseful scenes as a better director would have  losing a lot of tension during many scenes . however  to his credit  he does manage a terrific first half . part of the blame falls on david klass . i ', m sure the book developed many of the lesser characters more  but klass focuses on the two main parts . while this may give the two leads more screentime  many of the small characters are one - dimensional  and the killer  when revealed  is extremely implausible . thanks to the smart dialogue adapted from the novel  kiss the girls always seems intelligent . none of the conversations are laughable  and all move the plot forward without seeming forced . one of the biggest problems i had with the movie was the motive of the killer . i blame this mainly on the casting director  because the killer ', s motive is because of rejection from women ( or so i assume from the opening monologue )  but the killer himself is very attractive ( one of my friends is a  shall we say  big admirer of the killer ) . kiss the girls is rated r for terror  violence  language  and suggested sex . with all the implausibilities of this film  and with the mediocre second half  kiss the girls somehow manages to thoroughly entertain . in fact  i had the urge to see it again just for the performances . the cinematography adds a lot of mood to the already creepy tone  and the script is usually smart . this is clearly one of those movies which rely on the acting to pull it through . morgan freeman is possibly today ', s most convincing actor  and ashley judd adds another notch on her acting belt . i must also say that i loved the ending . the showdown between good and evil was quite tense  and the resolution of the scene makes almost anyone cheer . perhaps it may not be possible  but most of the film isn ', t anyway .
pos i was originally going to give the spanish prisoner two and half stars . from my first viewing  i noticed that david mamet ', s film was intense and clever at times but boring and cliched at other times especially at the beginning . from my second viewing however  i noticed that mamet ', s script was actually a masterpiece . the spanish prisoner  like the usual suspects or chinatown  begs for the viewer ', s complete attention . miss a scene or even a small detail  and you could miss the meaning of the entire film . also like the aforementioned films  it rewards its viewer for paying attention by delivering a surprising and memorable ending . mamet is success doing again what he once tackled in 1987 when he wrote and directed house of games . like his past gem  the spanish prisoner fools the audience as much ( or even more ) than the victim . because we were deceived just like the victim  we feel a strong attachment to the main character and consequently are more interested in the film . mamet has the talent of not completely ending a film gift wrapped  but rather leaving some ambiguity towards the end . the power that he has in forcing the viewer to determine who the good guys and bad guys are once the film is over  without giving a right answer  is unique and ingenious . the spanish prisoner will leave you seriously puzzled and intrigued . after seeing the film again  i noticed that the details mamet uses are so incredibly accurate it is frightening . his direction is very subtle ; as he leaves so many clues explaining what is going on and who is who but it is still very difficult to tell what exactly is happening even if you see all of them  or think you see all of them . the story follows a young up and coming businessman  joe ross  ( campbell scott ) who has just created a mysterious and lucrative " process " that everyone is trying to get their hands on . soon ross does not know who he can trust or who is after his " process . " through his journey ross meets a number of mysterious characters : the rich and popular jimmy dell  a secretary who has a huge crush on ross  and ross ', boss mr . klein . played by steve martin  rebecca pidgeon  and ben gazarra respectively  the supporting cast is very solid especially martin  who deserved an oscar nomination for his commanding and manipulative role . the most interesting character in the film  though  was campbell scott ', s joe ross . the character ', s transformation from an ingenuous and polite rookie to a paranoid veteran is very apparent and justifiable . david mamet ', s script is so interesting because we know people don ', t actually talk like the characters in the film  yet we feel so connected to some of them . his beguiling style could fool any viewer up for the challenge . this is a must see  for those interested in solving a complex puzzle of a movie .
pos an unhappy italian housewife  a lonely waiter  a goofy masseuse  lots of love  and gorgeous scenery all come together in bread and tulips  which proves charming despite its covering of predictable  well - worn material . the story concerns the aforementioned housewife  rosalba barletta ( licia maglietta ) who accidentally becomes separated from her immediate family while on vacation . instead of waiting for a ride home  rosalba opts not to go home to her italian town  but to instead hitchhike to venice . upon arriving  she tells her self - centered husband  mimmo ( an excellent antonio catania ) that she ', ll be home in a few days . of course  that doesn ', t happen  as rosalba quickly gains a level of independence that has been unattainable in her past life of scrubbing floors and buying groceries . in what seems like days  she moves in with lonely  suicidal waiter fernando ( bruno ganz )  gets a job as a florist  learns the accordion  and befriends her neighbor -- a wacky holistic masseuse named grazia ( marina massironi ) . rosalba  who is first seen wearing a gaudy stretch pants outfit  starts wearing sexy dresses and getting closer to fernando . i can think of at least five other ( american ) movies ( including fried green tomatoes and an unmarried woman ) that are more than similar to bread and tulips . but maglietta and ganz  who act with restraint and care  help bread and tulips from becoming a tired retread . ganz plays the suicidal waiter role with a solemn  sometimes playful dignity that is a joy to watch  while maglietta never overreacts to her growing comfort with the outside world . throughout the movie  maglietta has an easygoing  confident demeanor  which makes it very easy to root for her and her growing attraction for ganz ', s character . the gorgeous scenery of moonlit town squares and sparkling rivers provides a perfect love story backdrop -- you just might want to ask the attractive stranger in the seat behind you for coffee after the lights come up . director and co - writer silvio soldini must get credit for sprinkling the movie with effective goofy humor . the cheap mimmo  desperate to find his wife ( after all  he needs his shirts ironed and his mistress won ', t do it )  hires a job applicant ( giuseppe battiston ) at his bathroom supply firm to do the job . the reason ? mimmo discovers that the prospective plumber loves detective stories . the novice detective ', s various misfortunes  including him saying goodbye to his weepy mother  are very funny . unfortunately  there are flaws that somewhat spoil bread and tulips ', cheery tone . rosalba is bothered by several surreal dreams during her time in venice  which bring the movie to a halt . it ', s like putting a gunfight in a nora ephron movie . several details in fernando ', s life also never get proper closure  including his suicidal tendencies . early in the movie  he nearly hangs himself before rosalba knocks on his apartment door . after that  fernando ', s step towards death is never made reference to  probably because soldini wanted to include a lukewarm  underdeveloped subplot about fernando ', s stormy past . it seems more like a desperate attempt to pump up the drama in a plot that doesn ', t need any . but there aren ', t a lot of overwhelming negatives in bread and tulips . the movie is fun and romantic  with beautiful scenery and characters whose lives we ', d like to live if we had the nerve . . . or if our passports weren ', t missing .
pos after the terminally bleak reservoir dogs and the brutally violent pulp fiction  jackie brown seems like something of a light - hearted departure for quentin tarantino . it ', s more of a ho - hum heist story with characters that speak the tarantino language . luckily  his showcase of actors convert every morsel of possible enjoyment onto the screen  and jackie brown has no trouble entertaining the average viewer . the story introduces us to a street - wise black woman named jackie brown ( pam grier )  a flight attendant who smuggles money and drugs from one destination to another . she works for a bottom - of - the - barrel airline and receives a minimal salary . but one day  she is picked up by a pair of federal officials ( including michael keaton as the tough - nosed ray nicolet )  and found with a handsome load of cash and a small bag of smuggled dope . jackie is working for a weapons dealer named ordell ( samuel l . jackson )  who pays her bail money but suspects her of tipping off the feds about their operation . soon jackie and ordell are plotting a way to smuggle $ 500  000 through to them under nicolet ', s nose  with the help of ordell ', s oaf of a partner ( robert de niro ) and drugged - out lady friend ( bridget fonda ) . also entering the picture is a bail - bondsman named max cherry ( robert forster )  who takes a liking to jackie and agrees at one point to make the situation even more complicated ( how i won ', t say ) . the big drop - off is undoubtedly the high point of jackie brown  in which numerous double - crosses take place and many clothing store bags ( filled with cash ) switch hands . it ', s unfortunate that tarantino takes his sweet time getting there  and doesn ', t offer anything extremely compelling while doing so . there are  as always  amusing exchanges between characters . the funniest repartee is between de niro and fonda  as he becomes annoyed with her constant bickering while making fun of his iq  or lack thereof . the most interesting relationship is between max and jackie . a 56 - year old white bail bondsman and a 44 - year old black flight attendant with believable chemistry ? you ', ve got to commend the acting . jackie brown is a seriously dragged - out exercise enlivened by such fine acting . the film clocks in at a lengthy 2 hours  35 minutes . tarantino ', s talky style manages to hold your attention heavily  but there are more than a few dramatic lapses and crucial lulls in the storyline . also  fans of the director should be prepared for a lighter side to appear . jackie brown has four major shootings  and two of those take place mostly off - screen  so don ', t be expecting a typical tarantino bloodbath . you can expect frequent foul language  mostly coming way of ordell  who ( much to the dismay of spike lee ) uses the ` n ', word as part of his regular vocabulary . the acting is the glue that holds everything together . grier  making a sudden comeback from her reign in the 1970 ', s  is more than adequate for the title character . in fact  she ', s flat - out great . another comeback comes from former tv star robert forster  who does a grand job as max cherry  and is perfectly cast in doing so . michael keaton makes his presence felt  albeit in small but dignified moments  and de niro is ideal in playing the lug - head who goes over the edge . speaking of that  bridget fonda has relatively little to do as ordell ', s bikini - clad beach babe  and yet she manages to look fairly occupied . there ', s not a single sign of misplaced dialogue or snubbed line throughout the entire movie . which is a life - saver for mr . tarantino . the story barely holds together in the meantime  and we merely get a small tremor whenever there should be a defeaning earthquake . but oh well . jackie brown manages to be an enjoyable detour from quentin tarantino  even if it is lacking the glaring and original bite of his previous work . let ', s just hope that the director hasn ', t gone soft on us .
pos upon taking a seat at the theater  and surveying the crowd  i soon realized that i was the only person under forty in the premises . i ', m twenty - two  but have been accused of looking sixteen . yet as the film began  any consciousness of setting shifted to the home of five close - knit  yet troubled sisters . director pat o ', connor ( inventing the abbots  circle of friends ) weaves a quiet yet affecting tale of loss  need  and the bonds between five sisters . the family is ruled by kate ( meryl streep )  an unconsciously strict schoolteacher  who is completely conscious of the deterioration of her family . there is very little background given to the viewer  as we are thrust into a tense but loving home . squabbles take place one after the other  caused by years and years of history . perhaps one of the best things about this film  is its naturalness . no situation is over - wrought  and characters react as real people do  to real problems . this probably is a result of the film being from a stage play . the play was in turn is based on a time in the life of the playwright . what seems to be an underlying theme are the pagan rituals and dances of peoples  both in lughnasa and africa . in fact  dance seems to be the glue that holds the family together and most expressively shows their closeness . legs tap  and bodies sway even in the midst of impending disaster . only after the music stops  and the characters stand breathing heavily do we sense any trouble . in the quiet after the music we muse that it ', s sad that music has to cease  and families falter . the movie is framed by a scene of michael mundy  the narrator of the movie  as a young child flying a kite . he trips over a bump and loses hold of his string  and the kite floats off farther into the distance . drawn on the white diamond of the kite is a face that looks at once pained  and at another glance mischievous . the mundy family itself follows a similar fate to that of the kite  and kate ', s hold of the family isn ', t strong enough to hold off the winds of change . as michael stands  staring at his kite fly away  we hear the adult michael  looking back at the season that his world changed forever . the movie is not overpowering  but it gives us a beautiful window into the life  love  and trouble of a household of lonely women . note : this is the first movie review i ', ve ever written  any responses on it would be greatly appreciated . : )
pos in may of 1977  just 2 years after steven spielberg ', s success with jaws and 3 years after francis coppolas ', the godfather  a risky  ambitious young director named george lucas went for the same unpredictable box office success . little did he know that star wars would become the greatest science fiction epic in the history of film . in january of this year  lucas re - released star wars on its 20th anniversary . in this new  remastered version  the added effects  which range from leathery desert beasts inserted into already existing shots to an awkward new scene in which hans solo bargains his way out of a jam with a computer - generated jabba the hutt  don ', t do much but call attention to themselves . other than these  the film is exactly the same . why pay to see it in the theaters  you might ask ? simply because when this movie was released  most of us were a few years short of being born . we should all get up and go to the movies for the experience  especially if you haven ', t seen it . the plot is basic but in the same way  complex . it has many themes  but the one rotates around luke skywalker ( mark hamill ) and his quest to become a jedi knight . his mission begins when a droid named r2 - d2 plays back a secret message recorded by the beautiful princess leia ( carrie fisher )  which tells him to contact the mysterious obi - wan kanoby ( alec guiness ) . he and kanoby then  joined by two inter - galactic renegades  hans solo ( harrison ford ) and chewbacca  and skywalker ', s two droids d2 and c3po ( the voice of anthony edwards )  wage war upon the corrupt empire  commanded by an evil general ( peter cushing ) and the traitorous darth vader ( the voice of james earl jones ) . skywalker defeats the evil empire by rising out of himself to embrace something larger : the force . the film is obviously quite star - studded . but how was lucas to know that ford would become one of the most sought after men in hollywood and jones ', voice would appear so many more times in the future ? it just happened to work out for him . the magic of star wars lies in the way that skywalker ', s triumph is symbolized by the audience ', s sense of becoming something larger than life itself - a universe of fans  young and old  recreating a movie atmosphere that will impress generations forever . ])
pos ` strange days ', chronicles the last two days of 1999 in los angeles . as the locals gear up for the new millenium  lenny nero ( ralph fiennes ) goes about his business of peddling erotic memory clips . he pines for his ex - girlfriend  faith ( juliette lewis )  not noticing that another friend  mace ( angela bassett ) really cares for him . this film features good performances  impressive film - making technique and breath - taking crowd scenes . director kathryn bigelow knows her stuff and does not hesitate to use it . but as a whole  this is an unsatisfying movie . the problem is that the writers  james cameron and jay cocks  were too ambitious  aiming for a film with social relevance  thrills  and drama . not that ambitious film - making should be discouraged ; just that when it fails to achieve its goals  it fails badly and obviously . the film just ends up preachy  unexciting and uninvolving .
pos there ', s a thin line between satire and controversy  and mike nichols ( the birdcage  wolf ) has directed a sharp and very honest look at a us presidential election . based on the book written by " anonymous " ( actually former " newsweek " writer joe klein )  john travolta plays governor jack stanton . but he doesn ', t actually play stanton . he plays bill clinton ; just the same as emma thompson no doubt plays the first lady and billy bob thorton is the campaign manipulator james carville ( although the credits will of course say otherwise ) . the film is taken from the perspective of henry burton ( adrian lester )  a morally correct and somewhat hesitant new advisor to stanton . he searches for justice and dignity in the ugliest possible situations  and whether it be keeping the history of his boss ', pants under wraps or contemplating digging up dirt on another politician  he approaches his work with a keen desire to skillfully serve his country and his fellow workers . richard jemmons ( billy bob thorton ) and daisy green ( maura tierney ) team up with henry as the would - be president ', s advisors  and hire lesbian veteran libby holden ( kathy bates ) as the campaign ', s eccentric " tougher than dirt " incriminator . together they face all sorts of sexual allegations  the irritatingly discourteous media and other witty politicians in the election race . in its satire and controversy  primary colors is a similar film to wag the dog : they both are not afraid to wipe their noses in the nitty - gritty and take a bold look at something that will never has honesty as a virtue . but whereas wag showed us how much affect a few people can have on the media  primary colors is much more concerned with fleshing out it ', s characters  letting us understand what they want and why  and making us truly appreciate the humanity and rectitude that they graciously represent . seeing john travolta play bill clinton so confidently and justly is enough to make the film more than worth a look . and the rest of the cast also make superb performances - adrian lester sharply portrays the intellect of henry whilst kathy bates is perfect as the robust and energetic libby holden . at occasions  you can ', t help but feel that these terrific characters are going to waste . there are long slabs of time where john travolta ( unquestionably the most interesting to watch ) is missed from the screen ; and since it is awkwardly structured as henry ', s story we are often forced to watch scenes that perhaps are not so necessary to the central plot - or even the point of the film . having said that  make no mistake - primary colors is always enjoyable to watch . but frequently we have to ask ourselves - exactly what are we watching ? most of the first half of its duration is a lightheaded look at melodramatic confrontations that seem so genuine we cannot help but laugh  but the way primary colors chooses to finish tackles aspects that are very contrary  and almost unsuitable  to the rest of the film . but as i mentioned before  there is a thin line between satire and controversy - and for the most part  primary colors delivers an entertaining indulgence of political matters combined with a far - from - overpowering look at winning the public ', s opinion . although at occasions the film may jump around a little too freely  focus is never lost on how important and vulnerable the subject matter really is . thankfully  it is clear to make the distinction on what is entertaining movie cosmetics and what is a provocative documentation of something so really it ', s scary .
pos it was only a matter of time before a dilbert - esque office comedy hit the screens . however  rather than coming from dilbert creator scott adams  office space is instead based on the work of another animator  mike judge  creator of beavis and butthead and king of the hill . in his live - action directoral debut  judge aptly spoofs corporate culture . the story is certainly not very involved  but there is plenty of truth and humor to fill the gaps . peter ( ron livingston ) is a programmer working at the initech corporation . every day in his mundane life is worse than the one before . . . in other words  every day is the worst day in his entire life . he ', s stuck in a boring job with eight different supervisors  all obsessed with administrative trivialities . he ', s smitten with joanna ( jennifer aniston )  a local waitress  but hasn ', t the guts to even introduce himself . everything has simply made him a complete  nervous wreck . but all of that changes when  after an unintentionally over - effective visit to a hypnotherapist  peter loses all of his inhibitions . he realizes his lifelong dream : to do absolutely nothing . he begins to blatantly disregard the nonsensical instructions of his boss  bill lumbergh ( gary cole )  doing whatever he feels like . peter ', s friends and co - workers  samir ( ajay naidu ) and michael bolton ( david herman ) . . . no  not that michael bolton  are perplexed by their friend ', s sudden change in attitude . but  they have larger things to worry about : rumors about that initech is about to begin downsizing . . . as bleak as much of this sounds  let me assure you that office space is a comedy  and quite a funny one . although it shares the same absurdist office humor of the dilbert comic strip  office space is actually based loosely on the series of milton cartoons which aired on saturday night life . each mundane detail  taken by itself  seems completely  regrettably  plausible . yet  when combined into a whole  the picture which results is absolutely surreal . ron livingston tackles his role straight - faced  and becomes much funnier because of it . his character isn ', t simply being a clown lampooning around the office  but rather seems possessed by a zen - like clarity . he is operating on a higher plane  where everything suddenly makes sense  and from this vantage point  he allows the audience to smirk at the absurdities of life . anyone who has had to deal with the inefficiencies of corporate bureaucracy  or who has ever been frustrated with the technology of modern life  will recognize many of the characters and situations in the film . in fact  in addition to being wildly humorous  the film may actually prove to be cathartic . the animated roots of office space show in the film ', s lack of complexity . most of the characters in the film can be quickly summarized by a particular personality quirk . one employee  milton ( stephen root )  is practically a flesh - and - blood cartoon . however  despite their simple nature  the characters still manage to be surprisingly funny . it ', s not required to have a corporate background to enjoy this film ( though the situations may seem exceedingly far - fetched if you are unfamiliar with just how close to reality they really are ) . the film is flimsy and absurd  but also very funny .
pos all those who were offended by there ', s something about mary should not tread in the waters of american pie  a gratuitously sexual rollercoaster ride of raunch . and while this uproariously funny  gross - out summer movie is basically an exercise in bad taste  it also demonstrates a surprising sweetness in the end . american pie is the latest entry to the offensive teenage - targeted fare this season . i must question the studio that releases a movie like this . the producers are aiming these films at the 15 - 24 crowd  but while pushing the limit of possible sex and violence in an r - rated film . some have even been narrowly avoiding the dreaded nc - 17  a rating the mpaa gives when the adult content surpasses even that of a restricted movie . american pie was threatened with an nc - 17  but after snipping a few scenes from the finished product  it was given an r . but at least this new addition is not as careless and unforgiving as something like south park . it is sick  perverse  and ultimately disgusting - not to mention extremely funny . american pie is about four desperate teenagers who make a pact to lose their virginity by prom night . jim ( jason biggs )  kevin ( thomas ian nicholas )  oz ( chris klein ) and finch ( eddie kaye thomas ) are a quartet of high school students in their senior year who think sex is something they must experience to be successful in their lives ahead . jim inquires what it feels like when you reach third base  to which one of his friends replies : ` like warm apple pie . . . ', . of course  this prompts the scene unfairly exposed in the trailers  in which jim and a freshly baked pie have a very intimate moment in the kitchen corner . there are many moments  such as this  in which director paul weitz uses a game - plan similar to the one frequently displayed in mary : to cause the audience to break down laughing in disgusting disbelief . american pie is a hard - fought effort that has replenishing rewards if you manage to stick with it . i loved the young cast in this movie . consider the subject matter that these actors have dealt with  obviously suggestiveness never rivaled in any of their previous projects  and you should appreciate their performances . biggs is more than enjoyable  and chris klein ( who recently played a similar jock in election ) is obviously a young talent on the rise . but in a teen - dominated movie  the best performance comes from comedian eugene levy ( of television ', s sctv )  who is unexpectedly brilliant as jim ', s uneasy father . scenes in which the familiar father - son conversations are brought to interesting new levels are the funniest moments to be found in american pie . after levy discovers jim ', s new use for apple pie  he tells him  ` i did a fare share of that sort of thing when i was your age . but i never used baked goods . ', it is performances such as his  and bill murray ', s in rushmore  that are often unfairly dismissed when awards are handed out . there are some less - than - original aspects of the film . a bathroom incident involving finch and a bottle of ex - lax is something we ', ve seen before . if weitz is planning to take after the farrelly brothers  then this is a decidedly unwise move : the same prank was pulled in the brother ', s dumb and dumber  and used to greater effect . secondly  the characters are forced into a half - hearted climax that seems more artificial than amusing . but at one point  in which we discover that american pie does have a heart of it ', s own  biggs asks his buddies why he ', s going through so much pressure for something that ', s ` not very important anyway . ', and so we realize that while the film is expressive about a subject that is hardly appropriate  it still manages to be mature . in it ', s own way .
pos albert brooks saves the day  just in the nick of time . with a very poor summer for movies  brooks is just what audiences were looking for to cheer them up  and does so in a positive way . while this may not be his finest work  " the muse " still shakes up some delightful humor . in albert brook ', s latest comedy  he tells a story of a troubled screenwriter ( brooks ) who ', s losing his edge  as his business partners say . in desperation  he goes to see his friend jack ( jeff bridges )  who has been a very successful screenwriter in the past . he asks jack for some help  and recieves word of a real life muse  that has helped him and many other directors throughout their career . so brooks seeks the muse named sarah ( sharon stone )  and is suckered into buying her expensive  food etc . as a sort of payment . the real punch line however  doesn ', t come until the end . it really makes you wonder  how screenwriters really get their ideas  could it simply be from a friend or a bum in the street ? the idea itself is provoking and brooks does it in a hilarious manner . speaking of brooks  he was absolutely hysterical as a screenwriter . every time he graces the screen  i can ', t help but start laughing . albert has a very unique sense of humor that makes him a very likeable character . the real problem with the film lies with sharon stone . she wasn ', t likeable at all . brooks had the right idea with her occupation  but she never pulled through . in a way  she drained energy from the once funny atmosphere and left it bleak . luckily brooks could clean up the mess  and cover for stone ', s mishap . it was a shame that the film went slightly downhill after her appearance  because " the muse " had the potential to a be a very authentic comedy . on a brighter note  andie macdowell was also charming as brook ', s wife . she is always a nice addition as a supporting actress  because she has that charisma that seems to complete the atmosphere to any film she ', s in . the funniest moments in " the muse " in my opinion were the cameos by james cameron and martin scorsese . i mean imagine  brooks seeing these big named directors in his back yard seeking sharon stone for advice  like it was something out of the ordinary . it was just plain hilarious . it just adds to the satire joke  of how directors get ideas . brilliant move by brooks . as i mentioned before  the film is a satire much like it ', s proceeder bowfinger  which came out a few weeks before . unlike bowfinger  this is not a mean spirited film that ', s desperate for jokes  it ', s rather a witty and humorous look at hollywood . " bowfinger " had it ', s moments  but had quite a few problems that were never worked out  but " the muse " still managed to keep the laughs despite a bit of a detour . by the end of the film  you ', re glad to see a good hearty comedy come out of it . for once i ', m not fully disappointed  because the film didn ', t slow down  it kept moving  even with some flaws . thumbs up to brooks for his brave effort . i think he ', ll still manage to keep his edge around well into the future .
pos for more than a decade  anjelica huston has been one of america ', s finest actresses . in her directorial debut  bastard out of carolina  based upon dorothy allison ', s largely autobiographical book on child abuse and poverty in the south  huston displays impressive proficiency behind the camera as well . the film tells the story of ruth anne boatwright  nicknamed bone by one of her uncles at birth  in post - world war ii south carolina . through voice - over ( narration done by laura dern )  we find that she nearly didn ', t survive birth  as her single mother anney  played by jennifer jason leigh  was thrown through the windshield during an automobile accident . that ', s just the beginning of her troubles . bone is deemed illegitimate on her birth certificate  a social stigma which her mother and her large poor family obsesses over for years to come . anney meets and weds lyle  a kind man and good stepfather whom gives bone a baby sister before dying in an automobile accident . anney ', s brother earle  played by michael rooker  introduces her to glen  played by ron eldard  a co - worker at the mill . glen  the black sheep of a wealthy family ( " when are you gonna make your daddy proud ? i ', ll tell you when - never ! " he ', s told ) and filled with bitterness  courts anney and eventually wins her  despite warnings of a violent temper . when anney miscarries with his much - prized baby boy  glen loses his capability to supress his violent outbursts and begins to direct them at bone  beating and abusing her  while the love - dependent anney tries to turn a blind eye and justify his behaviour . things turn for the worse when glen loses his job and the family of four sink into impoverishment . while set several decades ago  this story remains completely relevant in today ', s society  where abused wives return to their husbands  and abuse committed against children by one spouse is routinely overlooked by the other . the real star of this domestic drama is not top - billed jennifer jason leigh  but child actress jena malone  who plays bone in a wrenching and wholly impressive debut performance . her work is of award - calibre  and in this age in which a preponderence of superb child performers have emerged ( kirsten dunst  tina majorino  anna paquin  natalie portman  christina ricci  elijah wood )  malone ', s performance stands up well . leigh ', s performance in bastard out of carolina is fine  although she ', s not really given much to do  and ron eldard work is very solid  skillfully manouvering his character ', s moods in and out of explosive rage . one can always sense that underneath his glen is a pressure - cooker ticking away . of the supporting cast  special note must be made of the criminally underrated michael rooker ', s performance . there ', s a bit too much generic formulaism in the screenplay for my taste  from the various characters spouting off country bumpkinisms  to the familiar sight of a dried - up uptight wise old granny ( played by grace zabriskie ) sitting on the porch rocking chair  to impassioned soliloquies better suited for a stage performance . still  it cannot be denied that anne meredith ', s screenplay contains a wallop of emotional power . huston ', s direction of the film is surehanded and impressive  giving the film good pacing and eliciting good performances from her cast  particularly the young malone . her sequences of child abuse are shot in a hard - hitting emotional  rather than graphic  manner  and are very effective . huston ', s talent with camera positioning is wonderful  from a visually striking shot done through a fan  to an extended sequence in the front seat of an automobile . the film has the toned - down feel of a television production ; bastard out of carolina was originally composed and cut for broadcast on the tnt cable station  who ended up declining the film due to sentiments that scenes of abuse and rape in the film were too disturbingly realistic for their audience . perhaps some sequences of the film may be unpleasant  but as a whole bastard out of carolina adds up to a powerful viewer experience worth seeing .
pos razor blade smile running as part of the vancouver international film festival played october 2nd and 4th  1998 . official release : halloween reviewed by vince yim ` you think you know all about vampires . . . believe me . . . you know f * ck all . ', with these words  we are brought into the world of a sultry vampire seductress by the name of lilith silver ( played by eileen daly ) . made into an immortal a century and a half ago by the sinister ethan blake  she continues to alleviate boredom with her state of being . so  what ', s an undead girl to do  except squeeze into the tightest fitting clothes possible  get out her guns  seduce a few guys  and kill a few people for money and blood ? with that out of the way  let me say this . this film is bad . this film is really  really bad . yet somehow  it is strangely enjoyable . with all the elements of a direct to video horror flick ? buxom babes  gore  cheesy dialogue  and bad acting ? any casual film viewer would be more inclined to spend their money on renting innocent blood or going to see blade . still  it is considered to be one of the finest british vampire film . agreed  it might be  but is far from being the best vampire flick ever . period . razor blade smile has some rather high production values  shown by the nice overall tone to the film . the film is also a bit of a departure from popular vampire lore  with a vampire that can go out in broad daylight without disintegrating  doesn ', t sleep in a coffin ( but leaves one next to her computer )  and sees religion as the ` opium of the peoples ', ( hence  immunity to crosses ) . but aside from that  it doesn ', t stray too far away from horror film conventions . that is  unless that is intentional . razor blade smile literally goes for the throat  then pumps the wound full of processed cheese . you can ', t help but laugh when a female vampire gets decapitated and her severed head goes flying into a puddle . you ', ll laugh even harder at the hideously contrived situations ( to distract two female guards  lilith tosses a cellular phone towards them and dials the number ) . you ', ll laugh the hardest when a murder witness recants the tale and suddenly starts sobbing uncontrollably . and then  there ', s the sudden twist ending ( i have enough heart not to give it away ) . the film refuses to take itself seriously  which is a good thing  as by the time lilith zips up her skin - tight body suit and then unzips it just to show the right amount of cleavage  you ', ve most likely forgotten the main point of the story . but in case you really care  she ', s been assigned to kill a bunch of people who belong to the so - called illuminati  and she ', s leaving a huge mess behind for the police to find . as much as my criticisms  this movie works best as a guilty pleasure or as a film that you watch with your friends and within groups . almost destined for cult - status  the film ', s campy  cheesy overtones actually work towards the film . while this may not necessarily be the film you ', d want to be seen watching by yourself  it makes for a fun time at the movies .
pos pitch black is a sheep in wolf ', s clothing . it is full of darkness  danger and violence and if you buy into the marketing hype  an unsettling and scary film going experience . don ', t be fooled . pitch black is a morality play masquerading as a scare - fest . it starts off with blistering intensity . a cargo spaceship crash lands on a planet apparently leeched of life by the scorching heat of three suns . among the survivors is fry ( mitchell )  the ship ', s pilot  who spends the film wrestling with the fact that she tried to jettison the other passengers in her effort to land the craft safely . there is imam ( david )  an islamic leader whose faith in his god is tested repeatedly throughout the film . there is a law enforcement officer in the form of johns ( hauser )  who attacks every situation with square jawed authoritarian zeal . and there is riddick ( diesel )  a menacing  muscle - bound convicted murderer who ', s being brought back to justice by johns . the group quickly sizes up the situation and each other . confident in their assessment of matters  a plan is set in motion to escape their hellish environment . those plans are shredded by the appearance of one of the planet ', s wildlife  a predatory  sometimes winged  species that enjoys the taste of blood and flesh . fortunately  the creatures are light sensitive and are forced to live in networks of catacombs under the planet ', s surface . unfortunately  the group has managed to land on the planet moments before an eclipse is about to occur  taking away their one protection from the monsters . the group ', s savior comes in the form of johns  whose decisive leadership looks to deliver them from purgatory . or does it ? pitch black deviates from the standard sci - fi fare by avoiding some of the stock " escape the boogieman " conflicts the genre typically serves up . just as the planet gave a false facade of lifelessness  first appearances given by the survivors proves to be just as false . the excitement of the film comes not from the danger posed by the creatures  but rather from watching the shifting allegiances and emotional growth of the characters as the planet serves as a deus ex machina of sorts to catalyze emotional growth . a recurrent theme runs throughout the movie of faith  whether it be religious or in a person  and how that powers their motivations . i found it telling that an accidental death occurs early on due to the misperception of a self professed atheist . conversely  imam constantly contributes any good fortune to allah . one by one  his perceived heaven sent blessings are taken away and crushed . imam is forced to reassess his faith . another character expresses belief in god  along with a life long hate . yet another character makes a decision that echoes the sentiments of christ about selflessness and has lasting repercussions for several of group . it is a fascinating character study hiding under the guise of a scare flick . special mention should be made of vin diesel  who intriguingly conveys feral menace combined with a truly mesmerizing presence . his character could have easily slipped into a parody of the baddass killing machine  but twohy and diesel add surprising depth to riddick . they can be excused for the two or three shwarzenegger - like catch phrases that growl their way out of diesel ', s mouth . the movie has its flaws that can be nitpicked . the creatures do look derivative of the ones in alien . the dialogue isn ', t the freshest at times  reminiscent of a bad comic book . yes  the appearance of riddick ', s vision skills are more than a little timely considering the situation . these trappings are on the periphery of the story twohy is really trying to tell . twohy may have lured you in under the pretense of scaring you with film fabricated boogieman  but he shows the real boogieman to be the prejudices and beliefs we use to direct decisions in our lives .
pos seen february 15  1998 on home video ( borrowed from chris wessell ) . when it comes to modern gangster movies  it ', s really difficult to describe and review them without making comparisons to other films of the genre and / or just using the word " routine . " i ', ve always subscribed to the philosophy that any idea ( no matter how many times it ', s been used before ) can provide for a good story and " donnie brasco " clinches this idea . it ', s not unlike most of the great films of the genre  yet it never apes another ', s style as it has a good layer of authenticity  even if its core is a tad stale . the film starts off in typical fashion by defining its atmosphere of new york city in the late 1970s and the mobsters who inhibit it . we meet lefty ( pacino )  an aging wiseguy who can still walk the walk and talk the talk . he and his associates go through the generic motions you expect to see in crime films like this . somehow he comes across donnie brasco ( depp )  a younger guy with a lot of spunk who isn ', t afraid of lefty and his rep  and even manages to befriend him after lefty was ready to kill him . it ', s clear donnie is new to the life and lefty recognizes this immediately  telling him all the tricks of the trade . i have never seen this technique of actually revealing the mafioso idiosyncrasies done before and for this the film deserves credit . however  we soon realize donnie is actually joe pistone  an fbi agent working undercover - a character who symbolizes the viewer as he will soon be purged into the lifestyle and treated as a newcomer . the first act works as a guided to ot of rhetoric about wiseguy honor  a brief history of the mob  definitions of their slang  and where their money comes from and who it goes to . the screenplay is rather sketchy on the details surrounding these elements  however  the fact they are mentioned at all is quite original . most gangster movies seem to be made with the notion the viewer already knows how the mob works ( probably from watching other gangster movies )  and although this attitude comes across  the film tries to fill in all the holes where and when it can and the effort is appreciable . thankfully the film doesn ', t become too caught up in the tedious details of organized crime  and instead opts for character development . much of the story is told simply through the interaction between lefty and donnie . pacino is outstanding here as the pathetic hood who speaks of his job in the same manner any blue collar worker would . he ', s old and exhausted but seems to enjoy what he does  just as anyone loyal to the same employer for over 30 years might be . we learn of his accomplishments  which are quite impressive within their context  and when he complains about not being made top boss  it ', s easy to sympathize with him . newell constantly plays up this aspect  making it a major theme which works well in the long run . as donnie is constantly impressing and even one - upping lefty  it ', s hard to tell which emotion is more powerful : the fact donnie is getting closer to nailing the mob ; or the fact lefty has once again been over shadowed . most of the film tells the story of donnie ', s life in mafia  which creates for many sub - plots and individual conflicts  but doesn ', t always seem to come together as a whole . the storytelling is genuinely interesting throughout  even when the motions the characters go through seem familiar . the resonance to donnie ', s actual assignment varies  he often reports back to the feds with detail of his progress  but it doesn ', t always seem to have much meaning . back home  his wife maggie ( heche ) is ready to divorce him because he ', s never a and the family is suffering . since this is based on a true story i wouldn ', t doubt this would happen  although the way it is handled often borders on the melodramatic . my only major complaint is the film seems to have no final act  or at least any real sense of closure . a climax of sorts does occur  but there ', s little feeling of a payoff . we get a happy ending  which is good  but perhaps a sad ending would have been more powerful . aside from a few minor  general flaws  " donnie brasco " manages to be a solid piece of storytelling and character development . it may be routine  but it ', s good  and that ', s respectful .
pos " sometimes the ', green mile ', seems sooooo long . " indeed . and any filmmaker with a three hour movie who ends it with that gem of dialogue should expect to see it quoted in a review . on a more positive note  let me add that sometimes the green mile is almost good enough to make us forget its length . the mile in question ( green due to its faded lime - colored linoleum ) leads from the prison cell to " old sparky  " the electric chair where executions were carried out at louisiana ', s cold mountain penitentiary in 1935 . paul edgecomb ( tom hanks  you ', ve got mail ) is the head guard of e - block  otherwise known as death row . keeping his prisoners calm as they await the carrying out of their sentence is his primary responsibility . it is a responsibility which he capably delegates to the other guards on his watch by insisting they " talk to " the convicts instead of yelling at them . this practice leads to an unusual camaraderie between the guards and the men behind their bars . into his charge comes one john coffey ( michael clarke duncan  armageddon )  a seven foot tall gentle giant who has been convicted of the rape and murder of two young girls . immediately  paul senses something different about this prisoner . perhaps its the way he asked for a night light because he is frightened of the dark . or perhaps it is the mystical healing powers he demonstrates as he " takes back " paul ', s bladder infection thereby restoring him to health . based on steven king ', s 1996 serialized novel  the green mile does offer other characters who have stories to be told : eduard delacroix ( michael jeter  patch adams )  is a frail cajun convict who befriends and trains a mouse to do circus tricks ; percy wetmore ( doug hutchison  a time to kill )  is a young and sadistic guard sitting on a transfer to a more lucrative position because he has yet to see a prisoner " fry " up close ; and hal moores ( james cromwell  babe : pig in the city ) is the compassionate warden for whom  despite all the executions he ', s witnessed  death never loomed as large as when his own wife was diagnosed with a tumor . while it is mr . hanks " everyman " performance at the center of the film which gives it the anchor to hold our interest for 180 minutes  it is the performances of his supporting cast that are most worth noting . all involved do credible work in their respective roles  most especially mr . duncan  who turns in an impressive  fully realized characterization . if only the story were more credible . writer / director frank darabont ( the shawshank redemption ) has crafted a flawed fantasy / allegory of sorts ; one which is more spiritualistic than spiritual  relying on a preternatural mysticism rather than a genuine and godly spiritual power . mr . darabont also overplays his hand considerably in the manipulation of our affection towards and association with his characters . was it an accidental omission that the first two inmates who walked the green mile were being punished for crimes never disclosed ? by not knowing the reason for the condemned convicts ', presence on e - block  the audience never gets the sense of the justice which is being carried out  making the death penalty appear cruel and unwarranted . this is especially true during the gruesome depiction of the second execution which was horribly botched . much has also been made of coffey ', s christ - like ability to heal but unlike the numerous healings which are recorded in the scriptures  coffey ', s powers are shrouded in mystery  taking on the feel of a circus trick  coupled with a voodoo - like " i feel your pain " transference . in contrast  there is no mystery associated with the healing that is from god . the genuine " gifts of healing " listed in 1 corinthians 12 is just one of the nine manifestations of holy spirit and can be operated by any spiritually instructed man or woman in accordance with the knowledge and wisdom of god . true spiritual healing ( with few exceptions ) requires the committed believing of both the healer as well as the one being healed . such believing comes not from the shrouded secrets of mysticism  but from the revealed word of god .
pos i guess there are those who have never been kissed before ( a rare and dying breed )  except if you ', re child ? in which case it would be called experimenting . rarer still are those who have never been kissed before they reach the twenties . hardest to believe still  is that drew barrymore has never been kissed . despite all these hard to believe tit bits  there are people out there who have never truly been kissed  and who are still waiting for that right person to give them the wet  sloppy warm feeling of tongues intermingling  reassuring them that their search for true love is over . well  this movie is about a girl waiting for the right boy to give her the kiss of her life . and it ', s sweet . drew barrymore who shone in ? ever after ', is wonderful as ? josie  grossy ',  the high school dweeb who becase a professional editor  before being assigned by her paper to return to school as an undercover reporter . it addresses the issues of how a dweeb  becomes a prom queen and finds the man of her life all in one sitting . hard to believe  but possible . there may also be those who have been kissed before  but in fact  never truly been given the kiss . so this movie can be watched by those who are waiting for true love or those who are still searching for it . either way  it is one enjoyable sit  with a fairytale ending .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . " all the world ', s a stage and all the men and women merely players they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts " - excerpt from as you like it  act ii  scene 7 when william shakespeare penned this passage  he could not have possibly envisioned a world in which the domestic activites in an abode would be broadcast across the continent  or where women would install webcams in their apartments in order to convert voyeurism into cash . this is the world of today  and it is the perfect climate to unveil a prototypical high - concept project like the truman show . truman burbank ( jim carrey ) seems to have the perfect life . he has a pretty  doting wife meryl ( laura linney )  a comfortable insurance sales position  an immaculate suburban home in the idyllic island community of seahaven  a reliable childhood buddy marlon ( noah emmerich ) -- except for the dog that paws a greeting to him every morning and his hydrophobia  this is paradise . or so it would seem . bizarre  inexplicable incidents begin to crop up in truman ', s life . a lighting fixture unexpectedly plummets from the sky . a rainstorm which gives new meaning to the term ', isolated ', follows him around . a radio broadcast appears to be describing his every move . for the first time in his life  it is beginning to dawn on truman that things are not what they appear to be . the truman show  directed by peter weir and written by andrew niccol  is a remarkably well - constructed film  paced perfectly with every scene fluidly leading into the next . balancing drama with humour  thoughtfulness with abandon  this is a film which addresses an intriguing and intricate concept with just the right mixture of sermonizing and whimsical fancy . in many ways  mr . niccol ', s screenplay mirrors the spirit of his previous gattaca -- both films focus on the theme of triumph of the human spirit over oppressive adversity  with pivotal  character - defining moments occurring at sea . although the film ', s rather conventional climax doesn ', t sustain the inspired dynamic achieved in the first two - thirds  and ultimately just falls short on delivering the intended emotional punch  there are moments through the truman show which are genuinely stirring and moving as truman attempts to make sense of his unraveling world and grasp the implications behind his discoveries of deception . despite the multitude of pertinent issues being broached by the film  it remains foremost a finely - crafted piece of entertainment  constantly light and accessible . the tone achieved is far too sunny for any sense of fearful paranoia to legitimately intrude  and as the carefully - stacked seahaven house of cards tumbles down  the film eschews any psychological ramifications for a man discovering that the fundamentals of his entire existence have been false . the end act of the truman show essentially boils down to a rehash of the reliable  crowdpleasing underdog vs . the system formula . while the film is an impressive realisation of an inspired concept  some elements are lacking . the device of mysterious lauren / sylvia ( natascha mcelhone ) as a contributing impetus to truman ', s growing awareness isn ', t exactly convincing . there ', s not much of a discernable spark between either the two characters or the actors themselves  and the scenes in which she indignantly confronts the megalomaniac christoff ( ed harris ) with regards to the moral ambiguity of his actions unnecessarily spells things out for the audience  thankfully avoided elsewhere in the film . in fact  although the film smartly restricts the number of scenes depicting the real world outside truman ', s artificial utopia to a mere handful of select reaction shots from enraptured gazers  it might have perhaps been even more indicting and damning to immerse itself even * more * deeply in the insulatory seahaven world  with the resultant effect that the repercussions felt as the film finally shifts outside the imposed bubble are all the more startling . still  the scathing commentary issued by this film is on target  and its insidiously oblique manner of delivery is far more effective in conveying the message than the more forthright anti - voyeuristic tirades such as that of the recent costa gavras film mad city . i ', ve always believed that the versatile ms . linney possesses a tremendous comic gift -- she has always seems to have a impish gleam in her eyes -- and in the truman show she runs rampant with her duplicitous character  mischievously flashing a glazed  insanely jovial grin as she perkily recites impromptu product placement slogans . cheerfully going over the top  it ', s hilarious to watch her -- who would have ever guessed that she ', d have the opportunity to outshine the reigning king of comedy in the laughs department of a film ? ms . linney is a delight in the film . but it is mr . carrey who rules the show here . he may not have been intuitively the most obvious choice to portray underdog hero truman burbank -- the role is seriously lacking in any of the frenetic comic interludes which typify his traditional parts -- but he brings to the character tremendous energy and eminent appeal : it ', s difficult not to root for truman . in a commanding performance  mr . carrey lends our protagonist an inherent sense of decency and integrity which makes him a genuinely engaging presence  and acquits himself impressively in this dramatic turn  demonstrating admirable restraint -- there ', s an early scene where he ', s down on his knees gardening  and given his past track record  one almost instinctively anticipates mr . carrey to pull one of more infamous  and in this case  wholly inappropriate sight gags . it ', s almost poetic how this notorious look - at - me actor successfully tones it down to play a character who ', s constantly the centre of attention . in addition to the fine performances by the bulk of the cast -- mr . emmerich is particularly noteworthy for issuing his character a sense of sturdy trustworthiness -- the film is immeasurably aided by wonderful production design by dennis gassner in creating truman ', s antiseptic  white picket - fenced smalltown utopia  and by burkhard dallwitz ', s original score . technical credits are first - rate all around . while the truman show is clearly a definitive high - concept film  it ', s not exactly a dazzlingly innovative one -- obvious predecessors utilising common elements abound  ranging from 1965 ', s secret agent through to the groundbreaking british 1967 tv series the prisoner . all the same  this is a visionary  award - calibre film : entertaining  provocative  and intelligent . the curious ( and possibly disturbing ) thing may be that although upon first glance the plausibility of the film ', s concept seems unfathomably outrageous  it ', s abundantly clear that our society is rapidly approaching  if not actualisation  at least permissiveness of such a scenario . perhaps the highest compliment which can be paid to mr . weir is that his depiction of this bizarro state is so convincing that we accept it without question . perhaps we recognize a bit of ourselves in this world .
pos in chocolat  a chocolate shop owner tells her customers to look into a spinning object of obscure textures  patterns  and lines  hoping she ', ll be able to foresee the kind of chocolate they ', ll most enjoy . some scoff the idea  but everyone who gazes into the complexity of the spinning object winds up seeing something different than the next  revealing personality traits which the person may not have known they had before . this can easily stand as a model for chocolat as a whole : on the surface  it appears to be a light  fluffy fable with no depth or true worth  but when one takes a second  deeper look  chocolat ', s true colors begin to shine through . making a bold statement about organized religion and those who practice it  lasse hallstrom ', s chocolat is flawlessly acted and meticulously crafted - not to mention one of the best films of the year . what gives chocolat its magic  much like hallstrom ', s 1999 winner of two academy awards  the cider house rules  is its willingness to say what ', s on its mind without holding back to prevent offending audiences . the bold and honest message hallstrom conveys with chocolat will no doubt outrage a select group of viewers  but those who are willing to suspend their bitterness because they feel they are being intimidated or attacked should find themselves to be in agreement with what the film says about narrow - mindedness . chocolat centers its story around the small french village of lansquenet  where majority rules  and the majority lives by only one law : religion . the bulk of the townspeople ( with few exceptions ) are preparing for the sacred time of abstinence  lent  but when the independent thinking  seemingly non - religious vianne rocher ( juliette binoche ) and her daughter anouk ( victoire thivisol ) make the village their home  the people will be tempted beyond belief by the mouth - watering confections in the chocolate shop vianne opens . many are predictably opposed and deeply offended by vianne ', s opening of the chocolate shop just in time for lent  especially the mayor  comte de reynaud ( a cartoon - like alfred molina )  who will stop at nothing to put her out of business . on the other hand  the shop is a delight to others  including the cranky armande voizin ( judi dench )  who sits day by day in vianne ', s shop  telling the single mother about her unfortunate detached relationship with her grandson ( aurelien parent - koening )  which comes as a result of his mother ( carrie - ann moss ) believing armande is a bad influence  as she does not hold the same  strict religious beliefs that she does . also a fan of the chocolate is the nervous wreck josephine muscat  whose husband is constantly beating her  to whom vianne offers a home and befriends . juliette binoche is charming and honest as vianne  genuinely capturing her character ', s determination to turn the narrow - minded townspeople into more happy  independent human beings  but most of chocolat ', s success is unquestionably a result of the remarkable performances of the supporting actresses . lena olin  previously nominated for an oscar in 1989  deserves her second nomination for her earnest  moving portrayal of a lost  scared woman torn between staying true to her battering  manipulative husband or leaving him to live the life which for which she longs . judi dench is sharp  incisive  and occasionally greatly touching as armande voizin . carrie ann - moss  in what is likely to be her first largely noticed ( and acclaimed ) role since the matrix  shows a more solid side of her acting skills not previously seen  crafting a character that the viewer both sympathizes with and despises simultaneously . victoire thivisol shows much promise as anouk  a young girl hoping her always - on - the - move mother will eventually settle down . a trade ad for chocolat sums up best the power the actresses have on screen with the tagline : " five extraordinary women  one extraordinary movie . " that ', s not to say the men don ', t do their share  though : alfred molina makes for a sly and utterly repugnant antagonist  hugh o ', conor adds quite a bit of comic relief as the priest who seems to not even know why he is who he is  and johnny depp gives a strong performance as the pirate roux  who enters the film late in the game and sparks the romantic interest of vianne . the technical aspects of chocolat are strong across the board : lasse hallstrom directs his enchanting fable with great care  perfectly balancing the elements of each genre to be found within the film . cinematographer roger pratt brings an atmospheric  fairy tale look to the film  and rachel portman ', s masterful score is her best and most memorable since the cider house rules . chocolat  adapted by robert nelson jacobs from the joanne harris novel  is a wonderful little treat of a film  one that will most likely win over the hearts of audiences and the votes of academy members this winter  and the aggressive backing of miramax films assures the latter . while not as powerful as the cider house rules  lasse hallstrom ', s chocolat is a film which works on all levels - as a drama  a comedy  a fable  a romance  and a fairy tale . and it even lives up to its name : it is delicious to savor the taste of  easy to digest  and  like all excellent chocolate  it is memorable for days afterward . the bottom line : chocolat is pure pleasure .
pos while alex browning ( devon sawa ) waits at jfk to leave for a school trip to paris  bad omens seem to surround him . as soon as he buckles into the plane  he has a vision of the plane exploding seconds after take - off . when the vision begins to come true  alex bolts for the door  dragging several students and a teacher in his wake . the plane takes off without them and explodes just as alex predicted . he becomes an object of fear and suspicion among the community  and the tension only increases as the survivors begin to die . alex and another survivor  clear rivers ( ali larter )  investigate the suspicious " suicide " of a friend  and a mortician ( tony " candyman " todd ) clues them in to the truth : alex interrupted death ', s design by saving people who should have died in the explosion  and death will want to claim its rightful victims . in order to save himself and the others  alex will have to figure out death ', s new plan and thwart it . of the countless horror films that have competed for a piece of the " scream " audience  " final destination " is the best so far . talented young screenwriter jeffrey reddick offers a fresh variation on a familiar formula . we ', ve seen hundreds of movies where a group of teenagers are murdered one - by - one by a faceless slasher  but reddick cuts out the hockey - masked middle - man and makes the villain death itself . first - time feature director james wong made the most of that premise . every scene is permeated with creepiness and foreboding  reminding us that death is everywhere  can come at anytime . everyday objects and events vibrate with menace . the most amusing harbinger of doom : john denver ', s " rocky mountain high  " which is played several times in the movie before someone dies . ( the link is that denver died in a plane crash  and the song includes a line about fire in the sky . ) the performances are stronger than those usually elicited by teen horror . devon sawa  who previously starred in another horror flick  " idle hands  " gives a frantic and convincing lead performance . kerr smith is carter hogan  an antagonist of alex ', s whose quick temper causes him to pulled off the fatal plane . smith plays carter as filled with anger and confusion that constantly threatens to bubble over into violence . seann william scott  who ', s also in theaters right now in " road trip  " plays the somewhat dim billy hitchcock and provides a needed counterpoint to the intensity of alex and carter . tony todd ', s one - scene cameo is delicious but all too brief . bottom line : watchable teen fright flicks are few and far between  but this destination is worth visiting .
pos assume nothing . the phrase is perhaps one of the most used of the 1990 ', s  as first impressions and rumors are hardly ever what they seem to be . the phrase especially goes for oscar novak  an architect who is the main focus of three to tango  a delightful  funny romantic comedy about assumptions and being yourself . novak ( matthew perry )  a shy  clumsy  chicago based architect  along with openly gay partner  peter steinberg ( oliver platt )  fights for projects day in and day out . one of these is the job of restoring a popular building for charles newman ( dylan mcdermott )  a rich  well - known businessman . charles immediately takes a liking to oscar  as he enjoys his personality and sense of humor . seeing oscar as someone he could trust  charles asks him to watch his girlfriend  an unpredictable  adventurous girl named amy post ( neve campbell )  who makes a living by blowing glass . charles wants to know who she talks to  what she does  and where she goes . the point ? to make sure she ', s not seeing someone else  of course . oscar gladly takes the job  and meets amy at an art show of hers  and sparks fly between the two from the get go . oscar feels he has found the one meant for him  and he is content with the idea of being with amy . well  another popular phrase of the 90 ', s is " all good things must come to an end  " and this stays true for oscar as well . charles walks in on amy and oscar having a drink one night  as oscar and amy have become great friends  but he doesn ', t seem to mind . why is this ? he thinks oscar is gay . he ', s not afraid to share this with him either . oscar stands in shock after the words  " i swear if you weren ', t gay oscar  i ', d have to kill you  " are muttered flamboyantly from charles ', mouth . the word spreads instantly through town . will oscar " come out " of his supposed gayness  or will he tell everyone that he isn ', t ? one would immediately think he would deny the fact  but numerous occurrences come to oscar  which result in the fact that if he denies the fact  he could lose his job with charles . matthew perry doesn ', t escape his character as chandler on the already classic t . v . comedy " friends  " as both oscar novak and chandler are clueless  shy  and sensitive . nonetheless  perry is hilarious here  and shows that he can handle drama  as obviously  his character suffers quite a bit here . it ', s wonderful to see neve campbell outside of a horror movie  ( she was the star of scream 1 and 2  and the upcoming scream 3 ) as she handles comedy superbly here . her voice  smile  and personality are more than perfect for romantic comedies - stay with this genre  neve . neve is delightful as her conflicted character  who feels love for oscar  but knows  based on rumors  that he is gay . as usual  campbell is likable as her likable character . unlike the other two leads here  dylan mcdermott is flat in his dialogue  and is never convincing . when his character his present  mcdermott sets a dull tone to the scene with his horrible acting . stick to the t . v . drama  the practice  dylan . the major weak spot in three to tango is the direction of damon santostefano . no originality or technique is used whatsoever . three to tango is lucky that the script is so edgy and that perry and campbell are wonderful in comedy  or else the film would have been a disaster  as it is just plain boring to look at . three to tango is a film done many times before  as the plot is suspiciously close to 1998 ', s the object of my affection  but the plot has never been completed so well . three to tango ', s script  written by rodney patrick vaccaro and aline brosh mckenna is fun  fast  and funny  delivering not only original  hilarious gay jokes ( not your run of the mill material )  but a certain snappiness in the dialogue between characters that always keeps you smiling . unlike last summer ', s south park : bigger  longer  and uncut and 1997 ', s in & out  three to tango is a comedy in which the gay element is not crude or vulgar . the script is wise to take this route  as gays can ', t ( i don ', t think so  anyway ) be offended by this light  playful comedy . ( to prove this  a gay couple was in the audience who were laughing constantly . ) three to tango ', s climax is a hilarious  clever scene that is pure irony based on the outcome of most romantic - mistaken identity comedies . three to tango is a gem . the bottom line : three to tango is a light  sharp  snappy romantic comedy with a superb ending  and great stars . one of the better romantic comedies of 1999 .
pos the question isn ', t why has grease been reissued . the answer to that one is easy : to celebrate the movie ', s 20th anniversary and to make more bucks for paramount ', s coffers because john travolta is once again a hot commodity . no  the question that ought to be asked is : should grease be reissued ? the answer is not an easy one . grease is a fun movie  an entertaining fantasy of the ', 50s  embodying all the cliches of that era . the music is lively and the dance numbers  choreographed by patricia birch  are energetic and high - spirited . travolta was at his pinnacle as a sexual icon  cool  but non - threatening . but grease didn ', t break any new cinematic ground . it was not a milestone in movie history such as citizen kane or easy rider . what grease is - or has become - is the highest - grossing musical in film history . ok  let ', s not be a spoilsport . grease is a fun and entertaining movie  even though it stretches credulity to see such performers as travolta  olivia newton - john  taxi ', s jeff conaway and the multi - talented stockard channing try to act like high schoolers . it ', s nostalgic to recall how good a dancer travolta was  and it ', s sad to think of what could have been had not a few missteps sidetracked his career . he could have become a musical comedy star in the tradition of gene kelly . cinematically  the musical comedy has basically gone the way of the dinosaur . between grease and 1996 ', s evita .  you can probably count the number of movie musicals on one hand . two reasons have contributed to the demise of the genre : the first is that movie audiences have become more sophisticated  no  make that cynical and jaded . today  if a character began to dance and sing with no orchestra in sight  he or she would probably be hooted off the screen . today ', s audiences lack the innocence  that belief in movie magic that is required for a musical to succeed . secondly  a lack of talent . performers with the charisma  the style  the larger - than - life panache of fred astaire  gene kelly  ginger rogers and judy garland are gone . most singers and dancers remain on the stage  and those who do succeed in movies usually wind up in serious dramatic parts . a good example is gregory hines  one of the greatest dancers in the world . he danced a bit in the cotton club  tap and white nights  but those were essentially dramatic vehicles . so  perhaps the reissue of grease can serve a purpose . if audiences show enough interest  meaning if the re - release earns the studio enough revenue  it may spark a revival in movie musicals . perhaps not original musicals such as singin ', in the rain  an american in paris or seven brides for seven brothers  but for broadway properties that have been in the planning stages for film adaptations for several years . at one time or another  according to the industry rumor mill  hollywood has been set to create an animated version of andrew lloyd webber ', s cats  a filming of the popular phantom of the opera as well as les miserables and chicago  the latter reportedly to star madonna . so  let this grease be the forerunner of an armada of movie musicals . let grease be the word that sparks this revival .
pos let ', s face it : since waterworld floated by  the summer movie season has grown * very * stale . with no new eye - candy for four weeks straight  we ', ve had to sustain ourselves on the quasi - nutritional value of cheatin ', husbands  traveling chocolate salesmen  and computer - generated serial killers . sigh . thank god for desperado . the freewheeling sequel to el mariachi -- director robert rodriguez ', s notorious $ 7000 debut -- stars a cool antonio banderas as the returning guitarist with no name . he ', s a man in black with revenge on his mind  and an arsenal in his case . ( the woman he loved was killed in the first film . ) so  he spends the entire story shooting drug dealers ; sort of a tex - mex version of the punisher  if you will . there isn ', t much of an emotional core to desperado . rodriguez is having too much fun finding new and innovative ways to pay homage to john woo . ( and sergio leone . . . and sam peckinpah . . . ) some may wince at the body count -- at least 100 graphic killings is a fair estimate -- but it ', s all played for laughs . big  broad  hispanic laughs that  for me  recall the physical comedy of blake edwards and his pink panther films . sick  slick fun .
pos if beavis and butthead had a favorite movie  from dusk till dawn would probably be it . scripted by quentin tarantino and directed by robert rodriguez ( desperado )  the movie panders to the very worst in sex and violence -- and is incredibly fun to watch . it starts off as a pulp fiction - type crime story  with criminal brothers george clooney and tarantino robbing a convenience store . because this is a tarantino movie  however  it ', s not just a case of pull the gun and take the loot  it ', s a case of a hole being shot through someone ', s hand  a man on fire jumping out behind the counter and the entire store blowing up as they drive away . the opening scene sets the tone for the rest of the movie -- everything overdone and nothing as it seems . clooney and tarantino bring a hostage to the motel and then hijack an rv with a family in it . harvey keitel plays the backslidden ex - preacher and juliette lewis his daughter  whom registered sex - pervert tarantino eyes endlessly . you know you ', re mentally unbalanced when you find lewis the least bit attractive  although she ', s not nearly as obnoxious as usual in from dusk till dawn . the first half of the movie has the criminals and hostages trying to get to and through the mexico border  clooney ', s strategy involving hiding in the rv shower while lewis is on the toilet . it does its trick ; the border guard takes one look at lewis relieving herself and immediately goes blind  never noticing clooney or tarantino . once they get to mexico  it ', s time to wait at the rendezvous point  a topless bar called titty twister where we ', re once again reminded tarantino wrote the movie as he drinks champagne off the foot of a stripper . finally  after about ten minutes of intercut boob shots and clooney forcing keitel and lewis to drink with him  the stripper turns into a vampire . soon half the people in the bar are vampires and the other half fall or fight back . that ', s right  we ', ve come all this way to see a vampire movie . but like everything else  tarantino takes this age - old genre and twists it to his own ends to produce over - the - top entertainment . so we get holy water condom balloons  heads rolling  quadruple impalement on an overturned table and keitel getting bitten by a vampire and announcing he only has a few minutes left before he becomes " a lap dog of satan . " the from dusk till dawn dialogue is 100 % tarantino  hovering between absurd and disgusting ( as when they ', re entering the nightclub and cheech marin announces the main attractions of the titty twister )  but always entertaining  and is a huge reason the movie is so much fun to watch instead of being one more second - rate gorefest . clooney  keitel and especially tarantino are so over - the - top with their delivery that the dialogue is that much more hilarious  ensuring not one second of from dusk till dawn is taken the least bit seriously . stuff like this would be terrible in any other movie  but tarantino and rodriguez know exactly what to do to entertain people  even if there ', s absolutely no message or meaning to from dusk till dawn . pulp fiction had the vulgarity and violence for a reason  but this movie just throws it out for cheap entertainment . from dusk till dawn isn ', t the classic of modern cinema that pf is  but is does prove you can do a good job making a really bad movie .
pos the small - scale film  in limited release  " waking ned devine " is a pleasant excursion to a time and place which allows the audience to absorb the full texture of a small town . filled with breathtaking scenery  ', characters ',  and delightful music  the movie would be interesting even without a plot . the story contains several surprises which are best left unmentioned in a review . the film starts out with a sharp opening  which gives us a taste of what is to follow : country folk with an inclination for a bit of larceny . what gets things going is the fact that a winner of the lottery is apparently one of the residents in the small town ( pop 52 ) of tullymore . who that person is  and how to share in the good fortune is the mission of two longtime friends jackie ( ian bannen ) and michael ( david kelly ) . part detectives  part scalawags  they have to stay alert to the changing circumstances they face as the story unfolds . the village consists of several amusing characters . a clueless pig farmer  temporary priest  and a witch . there ', s also the lotto man who must be satisfied that everything is on the up - and - up . there are no hollywood touches to this film - except for the outer space introduction [ ! ] . pacing is right . towards the end  it runs a bit out of steam  but that ', s okay because for most of the 90 minutes we ', ve been interested in the goings on . a mixture of laughs and ( occasional ) sentiment - all the right emotions are engaged . in one brief dream sequence - you ', ll know it when you see it - a fantastic combination of color and music transports the characters to a place you really hope exists . one of the key moments in the film . the music  available on cd ( london 289 460 939 - 2 ) follows the same arc as the movie and is well worth considering . a fine film that ', s for everybody except action fans . somewhat like ', the englishman who went up a hill and came down a mountain  ', . . . but livelier .
pos warren beatty ', s " bulworth " is a caustic political comedy that doesn ', t attack any particular political group  but rather the ingrained insincerity that has infected the american political system . some might think this film is vulgar  and in many ways it is . however  as loud and raucous as it is  " bulworth " speaks the truth  which is almost always ugly to hear . beatty  who directed the film and co - wrote the script with jeremy pikser ( " the lemon sisters " )  stars as incumbent u . s . senator jay billington bulworth  who has one of the best politician names in cinema history . bulworth is a democrat  and in beatty ', s view  he is symbolic of everything that has gone wrong with the current democratic party . once an ideological liberal ( like beatty still is )  bulworth has long since succumbed to the materialistic pressures of washington . instead of waging the battles for the impoverished and the downtrodden  which was once the calling card of democrats  bulworth has become another sell - out money hound - if he ', s not accepting illegal bribes from the insurance lobby or taking campaign contributions from the chinese  he ', s making wind - bag speeches that start with the amusingly clintonesqe statement  " america is standing on the doorstep of a new millennium . . . . blah  blah  blah . " when the film opens  it is a few days before the 1996 primary elections  and bulworth is sitting at his desk weeping because he realizes how corrupt he has become . in a fit of desperation  he takes out a $ 10 million life insurance policy from a dirty insurance rep played by paul sorvino ( part of a shady lobby deal to kill a threatening bill in committee )  and then hires a hit man to kill him  although he doesn ', t know who the assassin will be  or when the hit will take place . knowing that he will soon be dead  bulworth unleashes his own brand of political rhetoric on the world  which is made up of politically incorrect truths about the state of american politics and the society in general . at a compton church  he tells the group of african - americans that they will have no power in the u . s . unless they " put down that malt liquor and chicken wings  and get behind somebody other than a running back who stabs his wife . " later  in a particularly hilarious sequence  bulworth mixes with the hollywood elite  then insults the quality of their movies and informs them that the only reason he ', s there is because " my guys always put the big jews on my schedule . " all throughout this physically and politically suicidal escapade  bulworth ', s chief of staff  dennis murphy ( oliver platt )  follows behind in a state of constant shock and bewilderment . platt has some of the movie ', s funniest scenes  as he makes murphy into a politically savvy but nonetheless clueless assistant who is forced to watch his own career teeter at the brink of being flushed down the toilet . his constant half - truth - telling and spin - doctoring to cover bulworth ', s stampede is equaled in its perversion only by a self - righteous reporter ( nora dunn ) who acts like murphy ', s refusal to explain bulworth ', s actions ( something he really cannot do ) is somehow an act of treason . when bulworth decides he wants to live after all  and therefore must constantly evade a grim - looking assassin to be who ', s trailing him at every turn  he hides out in the ghetto  complete with a stereotypical gangsta wardrobe which he wears to one of his television interviews . at this point  beatty abandons much of the political aspect and dives into a cartoonish exploration of the black inner - city experience . bulworth becomes friendly with a young black woman named nina ( halle berry )  who he meets at the harlem church rally . she has a tough - talking brother who is deep in debt to a local gangster named l . d . ( don cheadle of " boogie nights " )  who also becomes involved in bulworth ', s campaign . some of the scenes in the ghetto ring true  but much of it feels like a lighter version of scenes depicted in more intense inner - city films like " boyz ', n ', hood " ( 1991 ) and " menace ii society " ( 1993 ) . " bulworth ', s " chief liability is beatty ', s insistence on having his character adopt a clumsy style of rap as his new communication device . instead of speaking at political rallies  he breaks into a kind of rhythmless rap style that is a reminder of why almost all hip - hop stars are black . it ', s hard to tell whether beatty is being humorous by being so bad  or whether he ', s actually that incompetent . at any rate  the rap sounds more run d . m . c . than snoop doggy dogg  which makes the film seem dated instead of contemporary . beatty would have been better off simply adopting some of the inner - city lingo and working that into his speeches  instead of trying to sound like l . l . cool j . other than that  " bulworth " hits all its targets with wry  hilarious accuracy . the film is like a letter bomb to the democratic party  and even if you don ', t agree with beatty ', s liberal message about the unrequited duties of the federal government  it is hard to deny the impact the film has in exploring the monetary and moral debauchery that infests modern politics . unlike " primary colors " which opened earlier this year  " bulworth " doesn ', t try to tip - toe around the truly painful issues that hit close to home - instead  it takes them dead - on .
pos when i saw the trailer for this film  i laughed harder than i had in quite some time . while i was therefore pretty well psyched to see it  i was ever mindful that a trailer can make even the most mediocre film look good . i ', m happy to say that there ', s something about mary is not one of those trailer let - downs . in fact  watching this film was quite a fine way to spend two hours . the film opens up in flashback to 1985  at a high school in cumberland  rhode island . ted stroehmann ( ben stiller ) is a social reject who can ', t seem to get a date to the upcoming prom  until he comes to the defense of the mentally retarded warren ( w . earl brown )  who ', s being harassed by one of the school jocks . it seems warren ', s sister is the campus queen  mary jensen ( cameron diaz )  who is impressed with ted ', s willingness to stand up for her defenseless brother  despite a very real chance of getting beaten up . mary takes an immediate liking to ted and asks him to the prom . ted was just flattered that she even knew his name . unfortunately  prom night is ruined when ted has an accident with his zipper ( at which every man in the theater will wince )  and is sent to the hospital . fast forward to the present  where ted has cleaned himself up  now writes for a magazine  but has weekly therapy sessions in order to deal with his obsession of the past 13 years : mary  whom he hasn ', t seen since that fateful day . with the help of his friend dom ( chris elliott )  ted hires slimy private investigator pat healy ( matt dillon ) to track down his only love . however  when pat finds mary  he falls for her too  and soon the both of them are competing for her affections . there ', s something about mary is directed by bobby and peter farrelly  who brought us dumb and dumber and kingpin . not exactly intelligent comedies  they are of the guilty pleasure variety where you might not want your friends or co - workers to think you had such a great time watching them . with their current film  the farrelly brothers have come up with something you ', ll not only enjoy  but also won ', t mind talking about the next day at the water cooler . the film succeeds in employing a pretty wide range of comedic styles  from the subtle to the ridiculous  and while a few of the gags might be offensive to some ( seeming like residuals from the farrelly brothers ', last two films ) they almost all work . i have not seen many movies in the recent past that shoot for the mark and so often hit it dead on . one minute you ', ll be laughing at something ted says  and the next you ', ll be howling at the sight of a dog dragging him across the floor of mary ', s apartment . one of the great things this film has going for it is ben stiller . he is perfectly cast in the role of ted  because he ', s a guy who just looks awkward in almost every situation . ted ', s a nice fellow and tries to do his best  but for some reason or another things just don ', t always work out . it ', s comical  but also has that kind of appeal where you really feel for the him and want him to come out on top . actually  i ', ve liked stiller since he did a short which aired on saturday night live back in the mid - eighties . the film was like a theatrical trailer for a spoof on the tom cruise / paul newman film the color of money  entitled the hustler of money . in it  stiller played wince ( not vince ) who is taken under the wing of an older man ( played by john mahoney ) to become a big - time bowling hustler . it was parody at its finest  more of which showed up in the short - lived " the ben stiller show " on the fox network in late ', 92 / early ', 93 . like " the critic " ( which aired on abc  then fox )  i still mourn that show ', s cancellation . cameron diaz is absolutely enchanting for most of the film  although her character seems obsessed with perfection in the men she dates  and some of the qualities she looks for make mary look paper - thin at times . however  diaz pulls the role off with such panache and charm  that you can still see why she ', s got guys just falling over each other to be with her . heck  i even found her laugh to be cute  even though i thought it was annoying during an appearance she made on the tonight show last week . my girlfriend remarked that matt dillon doesn ', t change  and you know  it ', s really true . he and ralph macchio must hang out or something . maybe they live in dick clark ', s pool house . anyway  here ', s another good piece of casting  as dillon slips beautifully into the role of the guy who tries to worm his way into mary ', s heart . the supporting performances are also good . chris elliott has a bigger part than in the abyss ( yes  check it out next time )  and less annoying than in cabin boy . lin shae  who plays mary ', s neighbor magda ( and also appeared as the landlady in kingpin )  provides some good laughs  especially in scenes with her benji - like dog  which acts as the focal point for a few of the funniest moments of the film . lee evans  as mary ', s friend tucker  displays a flexibility in acting and accents which surprises and contributes to an interesting plot twist . the farrelly brothers and scriptwriters ed decter and john j . strauss keep the comedic pacing going so that there aren ', t any noticeable times where the film drags . the only problem i saw was their use of a couple of musicians who provide segues between several key scenes . they appear out of nowhere and actually sing plot - relevant information right toward the camera . it ', s a device which was amusing for about three seconds when they opened the film . after that it got a little annoying  and it ', s unfortunate that those spots interrupt what would otherwise be a smooth flow . fortunately  filled with sight gags  humorous lines  and solid comedic acting  there ', s something about mary will still have you laughing after you leave the theater .
pos plot : a young recruit gets plucked out of nowhere by the number one gangster in london and quickly becomes a staple by his side . but this new guy is not like all the others  he ', s got ambition  he ', s got goals and he loves everything he sees about being the number one gangster . violence  lots of swearing and betrayals ensue . critique : a very good  serious - minded  unique british gangster flick which misses the " great " mark by way of an annoying voice - over popping up throughout the film and a so - so ending . here ', s yet another cool crime movie that actually manages to bring something new into the mix . okay  so it ', s not entirely new  but it ', s definitely original when all put together as done here . the thing i liked most about this movie was its authentic portrayal of the time period in which it was taking place . it ', s 1968 and these dudes are looking good ! yes  it ', s all about the suits  fellas . . . the italian shoes  the cufflinks  the ties and the birds ( that ', s ladies  for those uninitiated ) hanging around you . here are a bunch of horrible men  gangsters if you will  looking sharp  talking shit and busting heads all over the place . but that ', s not the basis of this movie . the basis of this film comes in the relationship between the number one gangster in the group  the excellent david thewlis  and one of his cronies  paul bettany  also extremely good in this film  and how the power  sex appeal and coolness of one  affects the other . you know how there are always these " hanger - on " gangster types who latch on to the godfathers  the leaders  the top dogs of every crime organization ? well  most of the time  these dudes are screened beforehand and are loyal to only one person . . . that is  their boss . so all the gangster number one needs to worry about is his enemies on the other side of the fence . but this film brings the betrayals  the messed up loyalties  the honor codes among bad guys into play within the same group and presents it in quite the stylistic package . of course  director paul mcguigan isn ', t trying to be guy ritchie here  and doesn ', t over - stylize his presentation  jazz it all up with a hip soundtrack or add any humor to the mix . nope  he goes straight for the serious stuff and develops at least two particular scenes which are still embedded in my mind as i type this . the first is a confrontation sequence between bettany and a man from which he ', s attempting to sway some information and it is downright nasty ! ( " look into my eyes ! " ) in fact  the last time that i ', ve seen a guy so scared in a movie was john turturro in that forest scene from the coen brothers ', miller ', s crossing . scary shite . but there ', s an ever better scene than that in this film . this one features bettany  once again  slowly torturing  hacking and beating the living piss out of a rival gangster ( from that man ', s point - of - view )  but not before turning on a quaint little tune in the background and removing all of his own expensive clothes  one by one ( that ', s right  he " does " the guy in his underwear ) . that scene is also in tune with some of the obvious phallic and homoerotic undertones present throughout this film  especially in the relationship between bettany and his boss ( why does he get so upset when he falls in love with that woman ? ) . but the flick ', s not perfect . in fact  i didn ', t mind malcolm mcdowell ', s voice - over narration at first  but as the film grew into a major flashback ( most of the film is presented as such )  he came in every now and then  and rarely added anything of interest to the plot . all he seemed to do was swear and call people the c - word umpteen times  and even described one scene as it was happening ( " . . . so i opened the door  then went up the lift  etc . . . . " - it ', s like  yeah  i know that already  i could see it on the screen ! ! overdone . ) . i also didn ', t quite " buy " the ending of the movie  which despite being original  seemed a little unbelievable  especially when you consider that it ', s supposed to be taking place 30 years later  and folks still seem to be holding grudges  still in love  still living in the same apartments ? ? ! ? i mean  c ', mon . . . it ', s 30 years  man ! ! i don ', t know  somehow it didn ', t work all that well for me . but one of my favorite genres has always been the crime movies  and this one is a decent addition to the lot . forget the lame title and malcolm mcdowell ', s narration of the obvious plot points  and concentrate on the film ', s stronger attributes such as its style  the exquisite atmosphere of the time period  its original look at the gangster dynamic within the same group  its memorable sequences and the solid performances from its two main leads  bettany and thewlis . incidentally  unlike a few of the gangster flicks that i mention below  this one is in no way a parody or homage to this genre of films . . . it ', s the real deal ! note : this film is packed with strong accents all around  which makes it hard to make out some of the words from time to time . it ', s also quite violent and i don ', t remember any film that used the c - word as much as this one  so leave the kids at home for this one . . . ; ) where ', s joblo coming from ? american psycho ( 10 / 10 ) - a clockwork orange ( 9 / 10 ) - donnie brasco ( 8 / 10 ) - fight club ( 10 / 10 ) - get carter ( 7 / 10 ) - godfather ( 10 / 10 ) - godfather ii ( 10 / 10 ) - goodfellas ( 10 / 10 ) - lock  stock & two smoking barrels ( 8 / 10 ) - pulp fiction ( 8 / 10 ) - reservoir dogs ( 9 / 10 )
pos bruce lee was a bigger - than - life martial artist ( and ) actor . bruce ', s unique character ( i . e .  self - produced sound effects  etc . ) and seemingly perfected martial art and physique were all well portrayed by the actor  james lee . the story is told from his wife linda ', s point of view where she put a lot of family and practical side of bruce lee ', s life . however  you can ', t help but like  whenever the fight scenes are on  what he can does with his body and that familiar bruce attitude and character . i also like the little bits of insight scenes about bruce lee ', s life before he became famous : scenes like bruce practicing pronunciation of english . it seemed as if he was no better than anybody else . scenes like bruce delivering chinese food as a delivery boy ridding a bike through the american college looking at the ( all - white ) students  cheerleaders  and athletes . it seemed he too wished for the american dreams and hopes . in conclusion  the movie was well made  it produced a realization of who bruce lee was  and actor james lee was so much like bruce you have to remind yourself that he is just an actor . and the fighting scenes were all excellent . so go see it and enjoy the movie . p . s . if you have seen the movie unforgiven by clint eastwood  then the feeling left after dragon was very much like the feeling you got after the unforgiven .
pos clint eastwood  in his ripe old age  is cashing one talent in for another . midnight in the garden of good and evil is an eastwood - directed film clint isn ', t even in  and it ', s damn good . adapted from a best - selling john berendt novel based on true events  this movie is set in the bizarre georgia town of savannah  where people walk invisible dogs and attach horseflies to their head . and that ', s just the mayor . as director and producer  eastwood contributes a self - indulgent but very competent 150 minutes  neatly balancing drama  suspense and humor . like all great movies  midnight in the garden has a lot of funny moments that spring from the characters themselves  and not from some contrived  juvenile intrusion . the acting  from big - time stars john cusack and kevin spacey  is as good as you ', d expect  but it ', s the supporting stable that gives the movie its offbeat charm . cusack plays a free - lance reporter sent to savannah to write a fluff story for town & country magazine about one of eccentric millionaire spacey ', s parties . lots of food  beverages and gunplay . yes  an employee of spacey ', s has a huge argument in front of cusack and later turns up dead . it seems like a simple matter of self - defense -- the guy threatened spacey  shot at him  missed  then spacey took him out -- but being a movie  there ', s much more to it than that  and cusack decides to stay in town and write a book about the murder  a book which will eventually become a movie he will star in . the weird circle of entertainment . this is where the stable of supporting characters comes in . there ', s the requisite sexy woman ( alison " nepotist ', s daughter " eastwood )  the strange piano player  the voodoo woman and the transvestite . miss chablis deserves a paragraph of his / her own  as the stealer of every scene she appears in -- what would this movie be without the castilian scene and her testimony ? chablis  playing herself  is five times funnier than reigning drag queen rupaul  but never seems exploited as the movie ', s comic relief or out of place in a basically serious movie . there are also a fair share of courtroom scenes  which these days almost never seem welcome in a movie  but even here clint manages to keep the movie fascinating . certainly the characterizations of the judge and spacey ', s lawyer both help immensely  as does having the fly - guy as the jury ', s foreman . it ', s here we realize the case boils down to an indictment of spacey ', s homosexuality . yes  spacey had a sexual relationship with the dead man -- before he shot him  of course . midnight in the garden of good and evil isn ', t a classic  but it is one of the better celebrity - directed  true - story best - seller adaptations out there . likewise  no one from this movie will be getting any oscar nominations  but the performances are all great . in fact  i ', d almost recommend that the academy add a best supporting transvestite category . serving america for more than 1 / 25th of a century !
pos meet joe black is your classic boy - meets - girl  boy - likes - girl  boy - gets - killed - in - horrible - accident  supernatural - entity - takes - over - boy ', s - body  supernatural - entity - falls - in - love - with - girl story . based on the 1934 film death takes a holiday  meet joe black is a well acted romantic drama which explores the meanings of life and love . william parrish ( anthony hopkins ) is a billionaire businessman on the brink of his 65th birthday . he has built a huge media empire  and raised two beautiful daughters  allison ( marcia gay harden ) and susan ( claire forlani ) . william has been able to negotiate his way out of many tough spots . . . but he has suddenly begun fearing his own mortality  the one situation he won ', t be able to talk his way out of . and he has good reason to fear  for death himself is stalking him . however  death has a deal to make . death has taken possession of a man who has recently died ( brad pitt )  and wants william to be his guide in a holiday among the living . in return  william gets to live a few extra days . of course  he agrees . death  under the human name of " joe black "  gets to experience life as a complete innocent . he never before has experienced the simple pleasures of a springy matters or peanut butter . and he ', s not quite compared for the more complex pleasures when he and susan fall in love . but  is their affair doomed to an early demise ? at nearly three hours in length  meet joe black is a little bit on the leisurely side  though it never gets boringly lengthy . instead  the film gets a chance to develop some nicely textured characters and situations . you get to soak in and enjoy the atmosphere  rather than being hurriedly rushed through it . the romantic angle works well  though  surprisingly  the interactions between joe black and william parrish are more interesting than those with his daughter . this is most likely due to anthony hopkins  who once again displays his superb acting skills . william is a desperate man who has had a seemingly ideal life  and doesn ', t want to let it go . by contrast  claire forlani is merely the romantic interest . she gets to show joe the ropes of love  but is hardly as interesting a character . as joe black  brad pitt seems a bit stilted . granted  he ', s supposed to be out - of - place  but the overly formal technique used by pitt begins to distract from the role . still  he is able to hold his own  and over the course of the three hours  his character begins to grow on you . the main character who seems out of place here is drew ( jake weber )  an ambitious executive in williams ', company who is joe black ', s main rival for susan ', s affections . weber plays the character with a hammy relish reminiscent of snidley whiplash . this cartoonish foil an aberration in a film filled many more dimensional characters . the supernatural elements of the film are handled murkily  but never distractingly so . we never learn what is the exact nature of death  or why he ', s never done something like this before . it actually gets a bit creepy when death talks to the dying in their own voices / accents . ( his initial conversations with hopkins sound shockingly like hannibal lecter . . . ) and the ultimate resolution to one of the film ', s supernatural problems seems  well  somewhat superficial . still  even with the film ', s length  it was a pleasant time at the movies  something you wouldn ', t necessarily expect from a film about death . . . but one which meet joe black delivers anyhow .
pos buffalo ? 66 is a very rarely known movie that stars vincent gallo and christina ricci . gallo plays a very troubled man  who was sent to jail for gambling . once out of jail  he must visit his parents  who he told he was married . the truth is he isn ', t married . to try to impress them  he kidnaps a girl ( christina ricci ) from a tap dancing class to act as his wife . the film is very cheaply made  and it shows it throughout a lot of the movie  but you don ', t need money to make a good film . buffalo ? 66 doesn ', t always stay with the realistic concept  and sometimes goes through outrageous events . gallo ', s parents  played by angelica huston and ben gazarra  are two very strange individuals . the mother plays a football fanatic and the father plays a quiet man with odd habits . gallo and ricci arrive at his parent ', s house  and some extremely funny scenes take place within the house . ricci ', s performance during the scene at gallo ', s parent ', s home are very well done . there is constantly humor involved in the interesting dinner table scenes . the way the movie was filmed in this particular part of the movie were interesting and creative . they seemed very mediocre  but they worked out just fine . gallo ', s character is developed very well . the impression that he is very depressed and confused is very clear . gallo gives a performance that makes you believe what the character is going through . his character goes through many  many problems  just like many people in real life . this character seemed very realistic to me . ricci ', s character is funny and different . she doesn ', t care much that she has been kidnaped  in fact  she falls in love the man who kidnaped her ! ricci is a very wonderful actress and she is starting to get the recognition that she deserves . buffalo ? 66 isn ', t all laughs though . many scenes are very dramatic and depressing . gallo ', s character was so realistic  he was extremely disturbing . some scenes are supposed to come off as funny  but they actually seemed sad and real to life . the film sometimes drags along  not giving much material . i really would have liked to see gallo ', s parents a lot more  and i would have liked to see the characters developed more . overall  buffalo ? 66 isn ', t as good as some people put it up to be . the bottom line - a few hysterical scenes save this film from sinking to the bottom .
pos after being hypnotized  a man believes there is a ghost in his house . the review two low - key summer horror films have become surprise financial successes this year : the blair witch project and the sixth sense . each has made well over $ 100 million in north america  based on a combination of strong word of mouth and clever advertising . if a film ', s box office take were based primarily on its quality  stir of echoes would join blair and sense in grossing far more money than expected  for it is as scary  if not scarier than the other two . writer / director david koepp has given artisan entertainment  the folks who distributed blair witch a second creepy hit . the story gets going after tom witzky ( bacon )  an average blue - collar dad  gets hypnotized by his wife maggie ', s ( erbe ) sister lisa ( douglas ) at a party . while the hypnosis goes as expected to the party - goers  it triggers something in tom ', s head . things begin to change around him ( blinking red lights let off a strange hum  for example )  and he fights to stay in control of his own senses . where these experiences take tom  maggie and their son jake ( cope )  who tom thinks might have some answers  is down a dark path that will scare and disturb you . david koepp keeps the action localized ; the majority of the action takes place at tom ', s house or just down the street . by keeping things at home  koepp is able to proceed without having to resort to any clumsy segues ( montages of driving down roads as we move from one city to another etc . ) . unfortunately  the dread and spookiness of stir of echoes are frequently interrupted by moments of levity . humour can take the tension away from a scene faster than any shoddy special effect or poor acting . several tense moments become completely diffused by a few misplaced jokes . also  there are a couple of plot developments that are left unresolved  though to mention them would be to give too much away . kevin bacon handles the duel task of playing an everyman and a man losing his sanity admirably . his total lack of understanding of what is happening to him is believable  as are the reactions from his wife maggie . kathryn erbe is given a role meatier and better written than that of most " wife who can no longer handle her husband " parts . while it is still a supporting role  her maggie is moving as she watches both her husband and her son enter what she calls " a private club that i ', m not invited to "  where they whisper about things all day long . as jake  zachary cope equals the performance of haley joel osment in the sixth sense  but gets less screen time . both children manage the same trick  making the audience creeped out by their apparent acceptance of the way things are . fans of blair and sixth sense will almost surely love stir of echoes . it combines the dread of blair  a creepy closed - in feel thanks to cinematographer fred murphy and great performances by the whole cast  specifically bacon  to give the fall its first genuine scary film . if only they had let up on the unneeded funny bits and tweaked the plot a bit more  this could have been one of the year ', s best .
pos being the self - proclaimed professional film critic that i am  i am somewhat embarrassed to admit that i had not seen lawrence of arabia ( coming soon to dvd ) until only recently . after all  it ', s considered by just about everyone to be the masterpiece epic of director david lean  who also directed films such as bridge on the river kwai  and doctor zhivago . so one day  a friend of mine loaned me a copy of the video and i sat down and watched it . i was initially skeptical that something made almost 40 years ago would be able to keep my attention for the butt - numbing 3 1 / 2 hours of its duration . but now i fully understand why this has become the film that other epic films are judged against -- the winner of seven academy awards in 1963 for best picture  director  editing  cinematography  art direction  music  and sound . after watching the film again  i am convinced that it is simply one of the finest works of cinematic genius to ever illuminate the big screen . based on the autobiographical writing of british officer t . e . lawrence during world war i  lawrence of arabia depicts lawrence ( played by then - unknown actor peter o ', toole ) as a lieutenant lacking any sort of military discipline whatsoever . bored with his assignment of coloring maps for the british army in a dimly lit headquarters building  lawrence jumps at the opportunity to be re - assigned as an observer for an arabian prince fighting against the turkish army . lawrence quickly sees just how caring and great these desert dwelling people can be and ends up rallying the various tribes together to fight the turks and help the british turn the tide of world war i . shot in panavision ', s famed super 70mm format  the film beautifully illustrates the definition of the word epic . it is absolutely breathtaking . using stunning cinematography  costuming  and direction  shot in the most uninhabitable location on the face of the earth  i can only imagine what it must have been like to sit in a theater in 1962 and watch this story unfold before my eyes . every shot is choreographed as a portrait -- a living tribute to a great land . david lean put his reputation on the line to get this film completed  and the fact that it was even greenlit in the first place says something about the ideology of the motion picture industry at the time  a far cry from its pathetic  uncreative existence today . after watching the film  the first thing that came to my mind was  " i ', ve got to do a remake of this film ! " but then i thought about trying to pitch the idea to a modern - day movie executive : " okay  it ', s going to be almost four hours long and shot over three months on location in the sahara desert . we are going to need to blow up a full - size train because computer - generated effects probably wont do it justice . and we are not going to use any big stars  and won ', t have any female actors since there ', s no love story . " yes  my friends  the velvet curtain fell on the golden - era of hollywood a long time ago . but at least we still have the proof to show all would - be producers and directors out there just how good a film can be .
pos my summer was recently saved by two very different movies . on opening night  i saw american pie 2 and laughed like a moron . then a few nights later  i watched and thoroughly enjoyed joel hershman ', s greenfingers even though it didn ', t feature a trip to band camp  girl - on - girl action  or seann william scott . however  i felt just as good leaving american pie 2 as i did after leaving greenfingers  which tells the offbeat tale of british murderer colin briggs ( clive owen of croupier ) . after spending roughly half of his life behind bars  he is transferred to a more lenient facility  edgefield . the picaresque  rustic prison allows its inmates to learn a trade  while enjoying accommodations generally found at most colleges . at first  briggs doesn ', t want to be there . he ', s used to living as a prisoner and wants to be left alone . however  his ailing roommate  fergus ( david kelly of waking ned devine )  wears briggs down through his benign nature . the two become friends  with fergus giving colin a packet of violet seeds as a christmas gift . briggs is astonished when the violets grow in the limestone soil  and begins a fight with three other prisoners when an errant soccer ball smashes his beloved flowers . after the prison ', s governor ( warren clarke ) reprimands them  he ', s awed at what briggs has accomplished . and he ', s struck by an idea -- briggs  fergus and the other men will grow a garden on the prison ', s grounds . greenfingers  which is " inspired by actual events  " becomes a bit like a sports movie after that . despite their differences  the men come together and through hard work and love earn a spot at the big game -- in this case a prestigious garden show . one renegade  in this case  briggs  will prove to have talent . of course  love will also rear its head ( no  not " prison love " ) . to hershman ', s credit  he doesn ', t pump up the drama or try for cheap laughs  like last year ', s lame marijuana comedy saving grace . i had to keep pinching myself when i didn ', t see a single scene of a hardened con sneezing over a pot of pansies  or the men giving high - fives over a particularly stunning batch of wildflowers . the movie deals with people and scores on that concept . it ', s wonderful seeing briggs turn from a bitter prisoner to a man who cares again . give credit to owen for keeping his cool in a part that begs for overacting . his speech to the parole board about being reborn through gardening is the best scene of its kind since morgan freeman ', s last stand in the shawshank redemption . owen ', s bedside scenes with kelly  who lends the film a human touch  are a marvel to behold  emotionally gripping without being sappy . written by hershman  greenfingers contains plenty of laughs . most come courtesy of helen mirren  who shines as the world - class gardener who works with the inmates but fears for her daughter primrose ( natasha little ) when she starts dating briggs . the mother can ', t believe what he ', ll do if her daughter " burns the sunday roast . " nothing is forced in greenfingers . the funny lines come forth naturally in conversations and not from punch lines . primrose and briggs ', relationship takes awkward steps . even when briggs decides to go back to edgefield  it ', s done for reasons of loyalty  not because the movie requires him to do so . after grimacing through the forced screwball antics of movies like america ', s sweethearts and the princess dairies  it ', s an almost indescribable pleasure to see a director taking his time to tell a story very well .
pos so many students strive to get into schools such as harvard of princeton  but they just don ', t get the good grades . so many students would do anything to reach their goal of getting into this schools . legend has it that if your roommate commits suicide  the remaining roommates will get an automatic 4 . 0 . chris ( michael vartan ) and tim ( matthew lillard ) are two guys who really want the 4 . 0 to get into harvard . how far will they go to get their 4 . 0 ? chris and tim are also roommates with rand  played by randall batinkoff . the two scheme to murder rand  make it look like a suicide  so they can supposedly get their 4 . 0 . they have heard this rumor many places  and they are willing to take the chance to find out . rand is a very  very mean person . he treats his girlfriend natalie  played by tamara craig thomas  like she doesn ', t matter at all . she is very afraid of him  and she especially afraid now that she must tell him she is pregnant . she does tell him  and he becomes enraged . that night would be the last night of rand ', s life . tim and chris give rand a bottle of rat poison  making him think that it is beer . rand drinks down the poison  and then dies . now  tim pushes him off of a mountain with a suicide note near the site to make it look like he killed himself . it does not take long until the suicide note is found  but the body isn ', t found . the police question chris and tim about rand to try and find any information . feeling extreme guilt  chris is having a very hard time  especially with his girlfriend  emma  played by keri russell . she wants to know more  but he will not even speak with her . will he give in ? will tim turn chris in ? will chris turn tim in ? will they turn themselves in ? all of these questions were running through my mind while watching this slick suspense film . the events in the curve are very surprising  original  and fun . the plot sounds much like dead man on campus  but that is not the deal with this film . this film is a very serious one  with not many laughs . there are many twists and turns that make this film different from most films . the ending in particular is completely unpredictable and satisfying . it is a terrific  suspenseful ending that i could never predict would happen . hands down to dan rosen who wrote this wild ride . the sound really stood out in the film . it is quite eerie and it really adds to the feel of the film . the way the movie is filmed is also great . all of the technical aspects  as well as the acting and directing aspects are very well done . the performances in the curve are very good . matthew lillard gets to play another creepy role  just like in 1996 ', s scream . ( a + ) he is very strange in this film as well . i like him in this sort of role  rather than the roles he has been playing in comedies such as senseless and she ', s all that . michael vartan is fantastic as chris  who has extremely mixed emotions about the entire murder and the 4 . 0 . michael vartan was also superb in never been kissed  where he co - starred with drew barrymore as a teacher who fell in love with his student . keri russell also gives a great performance . she should be a good actress in the horror department of the film . tamara craig thomas is also realistic  especially coping with the death of her boyfriend . some very strong supporting performances came from smaller roles  such as bo dietl and anthony griffith who play two detectives investigating the case . the bottom line - i might just have to curve that a - into an a . * note - the curve premiered at the sundance film festival in early 1998 . it was decided the film would not be released widely . it is now available at blockbuster video only  and for rent only . see you at the video store !
pos available for rental - october 12  1999 10 things i hate about you is an update of the classic play  the taming of the shrew . that said  drop any pre - conceived notions of what shakespeare ', s work is supposed to be like and welcome yourself to padua high school  home of a student counselor ( allison janney ) who obsesses over the male penis ; a slightly too hip and racist african - american english teacher ( daryl mitchell ) ; a new kid named cameron ( joseph gordon - levitt ) ; a model named joey ( andrew keegan )  the subject of cameron and joey ', s crushes ; bianca ( larisa oleynik ) ; and bianca ', s sister - the shrew ( julia stiles in a marvelous performance ) - whose name is katarina  kat for short . with movies about high schools similar to these running through projectors like water down the nile  it would be quite easy to write off 10 things i hate about you as just another doltish comedic - romance . yet  you must realize that the story is timeless  and a few hundred years later it is equally as witty and comical as when elizabeth gleefully looked on  groundlings below and stuffed brassieres on stage . the first reminder of the original scribe can be found in katarina and bianca ', s last name : stratford . their family is run by walter stratford ( pretty woman ', s larry miller )  a doctor who is all too familiar with teenage pregnancy and guards his children accordingly . in what he thinks to be a moment of ironic humor  the family " no dating " policy is amended to " bianca can date . . . when [ katarina ] does . " with prom just ahead  bianca ', s fate is grim ; unless  of course  she can tame the shrew . don ', t think this mission to be a simple one  as bianca kindly points out  her sister " . . . is a particularly hideous breed of loser . " getting katarina to date is complex and oftentimes confusing . when cameron  who likes bianca  learns of her father ', s new rule  he is quick to consult a friend for advice . the scheme they dream up is to fully exploit " someone with money . " in this case  that is joey - the other guy with a crush on bianca . cameron ', s friend  a loser by teenage verdict  convinces joey to pay someone who has enough guts to take the shrew out . the solution lies no farther away than the second blatant reminder of the master scribe : patrick verona ( heath ledger ) . this verona is far from fair ; rumor has it that he previously laid his scene in prison . moreover  katarina openly opined to the aforementioned english teacher that " hemingway was an alcoholic who hung around picasso  hoping to nail his leftovers . " the laws of high school cinema inexorably turn patrick and katarina into romeo and juliet . providing a constant reminder of the fact that this isn ', t exactly what shakespeare had in mind are the elements obligatory to a high school comedy : a party polluted with liquor  a best friend ', s betrayal  and prom . it is the latter that has become infamous for closing films like drive me crazy  american pie  never been kissed  carrie  she ', s all that  and can ', t hardly wait . yet surely even these practices have roots in shakespeare ; falstaff was a drunk  romeo and juliet met at a party  and caesar learned about loyalty the hard way .
pos my filmcritic . com colleague norm schrager nailed session 9  brad anderson ', s throwback to spooky horror films from the 70 ', s . it worked as an eerie homage without being self - referential or smugly postmodern . genre aficionados will acknowledge the similarities in tone to stanley kubrick ', s the shining and george romero ', s dawn of the dead without being taken out of the engrossing narrative ( i . e .  a psychologically addled waste management team clears out an abandoned lunatic asylum ; unspeakable dread ensues ) . in a double - whammy for 2001  anderson shoots and ( mostly ) scores again with his eclectic riff on time - travel episodes from the twilight zone  appropriately titled happy accidents . much like session 9  the cards are played very close to the vest here . is boyish  eccentric " sam deed from dubuque  iowa " a futuristic voyager from the year 2470 or just your run - of - the - mill psychologically disturbed nutcase let loose on the present - day streets of nyc ? as played by wonderful character actor vincent d ', onofrio ( full metal jacket )  it ', s up in the air whether or not we should accept his detailed monologues about life after the polar ice caps have melted . the question proves to be moot  at least for a time . even if the whole thing proves to be a creative delusion  one agrees with the character judgment passed down on him by his new girlfriend  ruby ( marisa tomei ) : " he ', s a freak  but he sure tells a good story ! " neurotic ruby thinks she may have found true love after a series of nightmarish dating disasters ( the junkie  the fetishist  the artist  the frenchman  etc . )  but isn ', t quite sure how to handle " sam deed " when he starts explaining the barcode on his arm  his elaborately constructed fake identity  his pathological fear of dogs  his ability to speak five different languages  and his mission to change a crucial moment in time that may have ramifications on time ', s alternate realities . ( don ', t ask . ) it ', s all a bit much to take in . ruby ', s close friend gretchen ( cuz ya can ', t have a love story without the token friend  though nadia dajani invests the thankless role with warmth ) chalks it up as a sexy role - playing game  but her cautious therapist ( holland taylor ) warns her that co - dependency is rearing its ugly head again and she ', s in over her head with yet another doomed relationship . who ya gonna believe ? despite her winning an academy award  marisa tomei has always struck me as an annoying and unwelcome screen presence  one that undermines the pleasure of watching happy accidents . her brassy new yawk attitude never really meshes with her desperate desire to appear " cute " to her adoring fans . being loud and flashing a ( disingenuous ) smile does not necessarily equal " substantial and sexy . " it takes more than a crack team of hair and wardrobe people to imbue her with personality . then there ', s that damned voice  which strains to be oh - so - adorable . look  this stuff is purely subjective . some people feel this way about richard gere  others cannot bear to watch robin williams ', hyperactive schtick . for my money  it ', s m . tomei with a bullet . happy accidents is a romantic comedy filtered through twelve monkeys ( or  more appropriately  chris marker ', s la jetee  especially with those still framed " memory " photographs anderson employs as a stylistic device throughout ) . modern manhattan is filmed with an otherworldly  vaguely alien eye with a color scheme oddly reminiscent of logan ', s run . as the stranger in a strange land  d ', onofrio walks slightly out - of - step  wonderfully affable but often inscrutable with his wayward expressions and bemused detachment . this is science fiction told mainly via the power of suggestion ( though it often falls into the sci - fi trap of having entirely too much forced exposition -- we want deeds  not words ! ) at least twenty minutes too long  happy accidents eventually gets around to a race - against - time scenario that puts " sam deed " to the ultimate test . no movie can live in ambiguity forever  but anderson seems terminally unable to provide satisfactory conclusions to his otherwise well structured recent narratives . ( let ', s pretend the loathsome and predictable next stop wonderland never happened  shall we ? ) there are also some slow  repetitive stretches as ruby and sam go over the same arguments again and again over whether or not he ', s crazy . the premise is strong enough to sustain interest  but it ', s enough to throw a nod in the general direction of rod serling for wrapping up his ideas in half - hour time slots  commercials included .
pos what i look for in a movie is not necessarily perfection . sometimes a movie has such strong ideas that despite whatever flaws it may have  i will prefer it to a better - made film that is not as thought - provoking . the thin red line is flawed but it provokes . terence malick returns to filmmaking 20 years after days of heaven and produces this meditative look at war . unlike this year ', s saving private ryan  which dwells on war as a necessary evil and explores the moral ambiguities thereof  the thin red line simply says war is waste . while that might seem obvious to some  only after experiencing the film do you realize how profound a waste it is . saving private ryan has an underlying and practical acceptance that war will occur and it has a great cost ; the thin red line says idealistically avoid this at all costs . one message is not necessarily more correct than the other . it just depends on one ', s point of view . in malick ', s film  war is set in a tropical paradise  and john toll ', s cinematography is beyond lush . the setting poses the question  why are we fighting in the face of such beauty ? in saving private ryan  the capture of a german soldier presents the moral quandary of whether to let him go . in the thin red line  the japanese present the moral quandary of war in the first place . they are just like the americans -- frightened and angry  grieving and praying . all that separates them is war . the flaw in the thin red line comes in the voice - overs . unbelievable as coming from the characters and sometimes pretentious  sometimes corny  the voice - overs tell us what the images before us already do and are completely unnecessary . dispensing with them  malick could have achieved a tarkovskian grandeur . instead  he gets distracting self - consciousness . aside from that  malick ', s direction is stunning . the tracking shots across windswept hills and around transports speeding toward shore are extraordinary . sean penn  elias koteas  and nick nolte give the best performances . penn is subtle as a sergeant trying to hide his humanism  koteas is genuine as a compassionate captain  and nolte startling as a colonel whose blood vessels are about to burst if he cannot win his battle . john travolta and george clooney are the worst in cameo roles . ultimately however  the thin red line ', s interest is not in the characters and it is not in drama . it has been frequently criticized for its lack of dramatic structure  but malick clearly has different things on his mind . has no one ever thought that getting dramatic entertainment from war is exploitative ? what malick is working with is theme  and in that  the thin red line is most provoking .
pos mike myers  you certainly did throw us a ? frickin ', bone here in what you call ? the biggest austin powers adventure yet . ', austin powers : the spy who shagged me is the sequel to the 1997 smash comedy austin powers : international man of mystery . many are skeptical about sequels  saying that the sequel is never better or as good as the original  but austin powers : tswsm goes beyond the first film . austin powers : the spy who shagged me stars mike myers in three different roles . he reprises his role as the title character  austin powers  the shagadelic spy whose body was frozen in 1967  and unfrozen in 1997 to stop his long time nemesis dr . evil  also played by mike myers  from destroying the earth . tswsm leaves off where the original stopped  with dr . evil ', s ? frisch ', s big boy ', space capsule floating through space . dr . evil returns back to earth by ejecting from his capsule  plotting to go back in his time machine to the year 1967  in which he plans to steal austin powers ', " mojo "  what keeps austin going with spy talents . upon his return to his secret lair  which is now a starbucks coffee shop  dr . evil learns that his evil henchman  which includes the returning robert wagner as number 2 and mindy sterling as frau  have created a 1 / 8 size clone of dr . evil  which is later named mini me . the evil mini me replaces scott evil  played by seth green  as dr . evil ', s son in the madman ', s mind  because dr . evil thinks of scott to be only " quasi - evil . " dr . evil has always wanted a son that is evil just like him  and now he has one . dr . evil tells mini me  " you complete me  " in a loving manner . dr . evil loving ? wow ! mike myers ', third role is as fat bastard  a scottish henchman of dr . evil ', s  who is sent to steal the mojo from austin powers ', frozen body . austin powers learns of dr . evil ', s trip back into the 60s  and uses his own time machine to take him back to 1967  to try to save his mojo before fat bastard gets a hold of it . once arriving in the year 1967  austin travels to his " pad "  his smashing home / dance club  where he meets felicity shagwell  played by heather graham  a cia agent who is willing to help him in his journey to stop dr . evil . as the film progresses  hilarious one liners are thrown at us  mainly by dr . evil  for example  " don ', t go there  girlfriend ! " to the president of the united states . many witty gags take place  note the entire tent scene  and just plain  funny scenes which are so stupid - they ', re funny come a dozen per fifteen minutes . take for example  scott evil going on the jerry springer show complaining about how evil his father is . the way austin powers : tswsm uses its humor is clever  throwing a hilarious scene at you  followed by five minutes of one liners  followed by another outrageous scene  so you never stop laughing . there was honestly not one moment in austin powers : tswsm where i wasn ', t laughing . the last film that i laughed so hard in  was well  austin powers ! it is apparent that mike myers knew how funny this film was while writing it . the film even makes fun of itself in a line  something along the lines of  " it ', s funny how england and southern california look nothing alike . " tswsm was filmed in southern california  but was supposed to take place in england . i can tell you one thing - he is having a lot of fun with this enormously popular character  which is all over television  newspapers  magazines  and the movie theaters . i believe that dr . evil got more attention in the tswsm than austin powers did . dr . evil provided more laughs  more memorable moments  and more interesting dialogue than austin did this time around  who seems to missing the funny touch that he had in the first film . i felt that austin really did have his mojo taken away  but from screenplay writer mike myers  not fat bastard . also making a great addition to the series is mini me  who is played by verne troyer . even though the midget actor is 30 years old  he is adorable by dr . evil ', s side constantly . the first austin powers film had barely any sentimental quality  such as lack of character development  barely any detailed plot characteristics  and barely any good acting  but austin powers tswsm actually shows some quality behind the frequent humor . mike myers  with his three roles  acts as eddie murphy did in the nutty professor  disguising himself completely in one of the roles . ( fat bastard ) all three characters are different  and mike myers does do a good job handling each one of them . heather graham made a great addition with her talent to tswsm  and does a much better job than elizabeth hurley did  who gave a very flat performance in the original  speaking her lines without any feeling or emotion . speaking of hurley  she can be seen in tswsm for a few brief moments . hopefully  graham tags along for future austin powers adventures . the bottom line - a groovy sequel that mike myers put all of his mojo into writing .
pos it is with hesitance that i call " apocalypse now " a masterpiece . certainly  it had the pedigree to be one of the greatest films ever made  with a director known for producing masterpieces with ease  and some of the finest actors of the 1970 ', s . the plot  an adaptation of joseph conrad ', s " heart of darkness "  was set in vietnam  and the timing of the film was supposed to be brilliant  coming on the heels of the end of the war . " apocalypse " certainly has its moments  some of which are the finest in film history . the plot is fairly simple . captain willard ( sheen )  is a troubled soldier who came back to hanoi for a 2nd tour of duty . his mission is simple : take a boat up to cambodian territory  and destroy the command of renegade colonel kurtz ( brando ) " with extreme prejudice " . along the way  willard runs into a series of adventures  including one with lt . col . kilgore ( duvall )  and a strange encounter with playboy bunnies . willard ', s four person crew finally make it to kurtz ', compound  where he discovers kurtz has set himself up as a god among the natives . willard ', s experiences with kurtz take up the last half - hour  with a confrontation and eventual ending . the movie is visually breathtaking . the battle scenes are exquisitely done  and the score is brilliant  setting a murky mood of darkness that is first - rate . the collage of disturbing images that coppola presents is at times both astonishing and sickening . the vast amount of detail poured into every war scene is stunning  and there are many episodes that are deeply powerful which resonate through the entire movie . the journey to kurtz ', camp is quite a ride  with psychosis setting in on almost every character . the most interesting one is kilgore  the lt . col . who cares more about the surf than about the mission . it is at times revolting  psychotic  and incredible  and it is one hell of a movie . the scenes are bold  inventive  and powerful  and the acting is stunning  especially be sheen  duvall  and fishburne . the narration is exquisite  as is the mystery of kurtz . coppola sets about a hallucinatory ride through vietnam  kind of like " saving private ryan " on lsd . the film is jarring in its implications  and psychotic in its execution . the problems come when the film slows down . one of the major scenes in the film  where the boat arrives at the final army checkpoint before they start their search for kurtz  is a colossal mess . the dialogue is confusing  the lighting is atrocious  and the scene drags on for 10 terrible minutes of film . the true problems happen after the crew does come into the kurtz compound . the film slows down to a drag . sheen seems forever captured by a madman  played by brando is a lazy performance that is not deserving of the accolades it received . brando is in the film for no more than 15 minutes  but is bathed in shadows the entire time  making the last half hour of the film visually pathetic . the scenes are poorly done  the dialogue is muffled  and the whole mess is utterly confusing beyond all belief . sheen seems to adore this man  but why the viewers are never told . the entire journey is supposed to be a prelude for a stunning entrance of this god - like kurtz  but the scenes fall way short of expectations . granted  it has its moments  which are brutally horrific  but the general feeling is one of confusion . brando mumbles his lines in a incoherent stir  and my feeling was that this could never be a great man  this could never be a man who inspires hundreds to follow him  so why do they do it ? there are moments of brilliance  but the visual confusion dilutes the power of the scene . there are too many questions left unanswered with the character of kurtz to have a satisfying ending . the finest scene at the end is sheen ', s escape  and his entrace into the temple . his rise out of the water  with the smoke coming off of his slicked head  is a brilliant 30 seconds of film . yet  you cannot shake the feeling that there is so much more this film could have done . the psychotic ride is unforgettable at times  and indeed the film on the whole is very good . it is a stunningly flawed expression of film  for it addresses major issues  such as man ', s mental stamina during bouts of war . but one still cannot shake the feeling that this film could have so much more powerful  had the character of kurtz been more explored  and had sheen truly succumbed to the fate that the viewer thought he was destined for . there is too much good material in here not to be called a masterpiece  but it could have been so much more rewarding .
pos the verdict : spine - chilling drama from horror maestro stephen king  featuring an outstanding  oscar - winning performance from kathy bates . geez  french and saunders had a field day when they set to work on parodying this ! sorry  non - british readers may not be familiar with french and saunders - my apologies . the pair are british comediennes ( jennifer saunders later went on to become edina monsoon in " absolutely fabulous " )  who did a series of film spoofs a few years back  including alien  the exorcist and misery . needless to say  amidst her chucklesome impersonation of kathy bates ( the resemblance was quite uncanny ! )  dawn french got pretty nasty with her sledgehammer when in reach of jennifer saunder ', s legs ! but despite the lingering memory of their sketch  and although i ', ve now seen the film a couple of times now  that " hobbling " scene was no less disturbing ! i ', m still left screaming at the telly in revulsion ! that may be the most memorable scene  but it ', s certainly not the only worth watching . stephen king  whose film and tv adaptations tend to vary in quality  strikes gold with this simple yet strikingly compelling tale . it ', s a nicely crafted psychological horror  which effortlessly succeeds in drawing you into the plight of writer phil sheldon ( james caan ) . rescued from a car accident by annie wilkes ( bates )  who introduces herself as the writer ', s " number one fan "  he soon becomes her prisoner . both the script and kathy bates ', beautifully masterful performance ( for which she won an oscar ) work arm - in - arm as we quickly begin to realise that beyond her bubbly exterior the woman is basically as nutty as a fruit - cake ( or is that fruity as a nut - cake ? ) . bates relishes her demanding role  and her performance is nothing short of a masterpiece . at times she seems like an innocent victim of her own obsessive behaviour  at times she ', s a rather tragic character  and more often than not she ', s just damned scary ! this is basically a very simple tale  but it achieves a large degree of eloquence in its simplicity . it ', s an involving  engrossing experience - and considering it ', s basically a two - hander  mainly set in one locale  it ', s a remarkable piece of cinema . there are no jazzy special effects or cheesy action sequences - this one relies solely upon rob reiner ', s stylish directing and the wonderful performances of bates and caan . oh  i haven ', t really mentioned caan yet - he does a good job as the writer who ', s a prisoner of his own success ( annie is obsessed with him and his books ) . but  as you no doubt gathered from the above - bates is well and truly the star of the show . along with the pig  of course ! anyway  the tension is built - up with masterful aplomb  and some scenes are almost agonisingly tense . there ', s the dinner scene where seldon goes to nerve - shattering lengths to poison her wine . he succeeds  but . . . she knocks the glass over ! i bet you threw a pillow at the screen as well ! in the immortal words of homer j . simpson - " d ', oh ! ! " other nerve - wracking scenes include the bit where annie has gone off to town and sheldon starts snooping around the house . we cut to annie in her car - she ', s on her way home . . . he realises this and tries to get back to his room . . . cut to the car again  she ', s getting near . . . will he make it ? ok  so these sequences aren ', t exactly original  nor perhaps unpredictable - but they work ! boy  do they work ! if a film has you on the edge of your couch  biting your nails and shouting at the screen in suspense  then it ', s doing something right ! of course  the most nauseating sequence is the aforementioned " hobbling " ! annie realises her captive has been out of his room  and she ', s going to stop him once and for all . cue a block of wood placed strategically between his ankles and a huge sledgehammer  and . . . i feel ill just thinking about it ! nasty . it all builds up nicely to the final scene where sheldon finally gets the upper hand  and once and for all tries to kill the crazy psycho ! and then we ', re given one of the most ridiculously over - the - top fight scenes i ', ve ever seen . she gets hit over the head with a typewriter  set on fire  head smashed against the wall - and she just won ', t die ! sheldon isn ', t in terribly good shape either . if it weren ', t so gorey it would almost be laughable . but it ', s a terrifically effective film  and therefore the daft climax is easily overlooked . misery is a tight  tense  intense and chillingly entertaining thriller . the directing is first - rate  and the performances - bates in particular - contribute to making this a suitably nightmarish little gem . wonderful stuff . ? - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - for more regularly - updated film and tv reviews  check out my site ! http : // www . geocities . com / hollywood / bungalow / 4960 - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * -
pos an indian runner was more than a courier . he * became * the message he was carrying . what danger is a bear  to a message ? i used to think sean penn was an immature  arrogant  photographer - punching  madonna - marrying  loudmouth . but all that has changed now . the guy has grown up . and that ', s not all . it seems that sean penn has talents both as a writer and a director  if this film is any indication . one might imagine a movie with plenty of ruthless rage and showy machismo  given penn in charge of bronson and and hopper . but  no . this film is about a real struggle  and the victories and defeats are not simple . penn lets the story unfold at a pace dictated by the lives of the characters  without unnecessary rush or flash . the focus of the story is two brothers . david morse is the brother who has grown up in the small midwestern town in which they were raised  tending a failing farm and finally becoming a police officer . viggo mortensen is the wild brother  whose wild behavior seems to be a reaction to some ancient pain that he can ', t name  much less resolve . the film picks the story up on the day when mortensen returns from vietnam  and morse coincidentally encounters an armed youth fleeing for the state line . it becomes clear that some kind of conflict threatens the link that the brothers once shared . the film is unobtrusive  simple  direct  plain  and sincere . it isn ', t exactly perfect  but its sincerity is well invested in the struggle of the two brothers to identify the sickness before it destroys them . life seems to move forward a little faster than they can get a handle on their problems . this is a good film without big budget sets  or big name stars pushed into your face . in fact  i ', m reviewing it because i suspect that it may not get much marketing . there were perhaps 10 others at the showing i saw . i thought the structure was clean and not oversimplified  though there are a few free - form sections which also work very well . the obligatory 1960s music seemed a little cliche  but what are you going to do -- this movie * does * take place in the 1960s after all . in my opinion  it is worth full - price admission .
pos seen july 8  1998 at the crossgates cinema 18  ( albany  ny )  theater # 7  at 8 : 15 p . m . with my mom using hoyts cinema cash . [ theater rating : * * * 1 / 2 : very good sound  picture  and seats ] it ', s very rare that any medium of entertainment can give one an authentic  vivid sense of reality and life . all stories are about select moments of time and places in the characters ', lives  but only the truly great ones are able to define their realities well enough so the audience can experience it just as the characters do . therefore  " gone with the wind " deserves accolades for its ability to tell the epic story it does  in such a crafted  intricate  and entertaining manner . it ', s a crowning achievement  not only in filmmaking  but for storytelling itself . the film takes place in georgia before  during  and after the civil war . this plays a major factor in the film ', s success . to use such a historic setting presents many possibilities and problems since no one was alive at the time to verify its accuracy . it might also seem cliche  boring and other such deterent factors to potential viewers . can a story set so long ago be relatable now ? the film confronts all these problems  paradoxically  by not cronfronting them . it doesn ', t simply plug in the " right thing " at the " right time  " it creates an entire reality where everything makes sense and said concerns are irrelevant . building a strong foundation is important to all forms of media  without which  what is there to build on ? we ', re given some backstory here and learn a little about our characters  especially our main character  scarlett o ', hara ( leigh )  a beautiful southern belle with a will of steel  a cunning wit  and a tremendous sense of liberty in such an oppressive time . she knows how her society works  wherein everything she does can and will play a role in the shaping of her life and those around her . right from the beginning we realize how determined she is to have her way no matter what the consequences may be . being the most sought - after woman allows her to manipulate men ( and their women ) to ensure she gets her way  whether it be obvious ( i . e . who will be the one to get her food )  or subtle ( i . e . getting married just to spite someone ) . the man she claims to love is ashley wilkes ( howard )  a modest gentleman who does not seem to have the same passion for her as she does for him . he isn ', t so arrogant and demanding as scarlett  in fact  he ', s engaged to a woman with a personality much more like his . her name is melanie ( de havilland )  and she is one of the sweetest  kindest  and most likable characters one will ever see . she and scarlett become very dear friends  but she never suspects the jealously scarlett has for her  and the love she has for her husband . her meekness is both her strongest and weakest characteristic - it defines who she is  but doesn ', t give her much emotional self - defense . acting a catalyst to the love triangle  and to the story as a whole is the daper  stong - willed  cunning  cocky southern business and military man captain rhett butler ( gable ) . he ', s quite a character all right - everyone listens to what he has to say even though he ', s got a bad reputation . butler makes no apologies for his vast amount of money nor his behavior . he tells everyone the much - needed truth in the rigid caste - like society where freewill doesn ', t seem to exist  everything is done out of honor and tradition . for example  in his first appearance butler tells his fellow southerners there ', s no way the south could defeat the north if war were to break out . this angers them  not for his lack of faith  but because he has the gall to say it aloud and boastfully at that . " do we have ammunition factories ? do we have food ? do we have a navy ? all we have is tobacco . " all true statements and yet the south still insists he ', s wrong . butler is a shifty character to be sure  but he takes such pride in his arrogance it ', s appealing . scarlett notices this too when she first sees him  and from the look butler gives her  we know he ', s not going to stop until he has her . but scarlett can ', t get past her need for ashley  and during a scene which sets the stage for the grand story  butler learns of this and continues to throw it back at scarlett forever . and so the story goes on  with scarlett being thrown obstacle after obstacle in her life . the conflicts she must overcome range from taking care of her entire family to finding a proper husband  especially after she is " marked " for life when her first husband dies . this gives the film many opportunities to bring in more characters into the epic story . some are vital for only a few scenes  but their true signifcance will endure throughout the film . in most films only a few characters exist for support in background  but this film is more realistic and believable as it incorporates a supporting cast the size of a small town and everyone has signficance . even people in the background seem more than just extras wandering the set . the costuming design is outstanding so that the film makes for a real sense of time and place . the filmmakers could have easily set more scenes indoors and narrowly focused to avoid having to show the outside  real world  but these types of simple approaches are never taken . the first half of the film depicts the traumatic experience the south faced at the last days of the civil war . fleming is able to convey the horror of it all by painting an image of destruction and letting the viewer decide just how bad it is . one scene has scarlett working as a nurse at a military hospital while we hear a soldier in the background screaming  " no ! not my leg ! don ', t cut off my leg ! " another scene shows her simplying trying to cross a street  but as the camera pulls back  we see that her path is blocked by hundreds of wounded soldiers  but it is their moaning that ', s more graphic than all the bloody gore could ever be . as the second half begins  the film concentrates more on scarlett as a completely independent woman who single - handedly takes care of her family and melanie just to spite the tyrany of the north . she manages to resurrect the family plantation  but all the willpower she has can ', t help her when she must pay exuberhant taxes set by the north after the south ', s ultimate defeat . this brings rhett butler back into the picture and thus begins their torrid love - hate relationship . most of the second half of the film is somehow related to the relationship ( or lack thereof ) between rhett and scarlett . each uses the other for personal gain  but at the same time they still feel an intimate connection with each other . scarlett continues to use her manipulative powers over men to get what she wants and because rhett can ', t help but want her more every time she tries to one - up him such as marrying another man and taking over his business . they say opposites attract  but the conflict between rhett and scarlett goes way beyond opposing personalities  it borders on magnetic polarization . they need each other and know this  yet they never seem truly happy together . perhaps they mistake love for passion  and the film leaves it up to us to make this call . both have things the other wants and vice versa  but when they compromise  is it just to get their own way or because they actually care for each other . love and the perception of love are two completely separate things and throughout the final act of the film  we ', re left wondering if rhett and scarlett ever truly loved each other and why . gable and leigh do have great chemistry  always leaving the viewer wondering which emotions were authentic and which were manufacture . all ? none ? either way is possible and it ', s a mystery that cannot be solved even upon repeated viewings . it ', s safe to say most of us won ', t live such overly dramatic lives as those in " gone with the wind  " but it ', s still a masterpiece for its ability to give us a sense that we ', ve just experienced a life ', s worth of joy and pain .
pos not since attending an ingmar bergman retrospective a few years ago have i seen a film as uncompromising in its portrayal of emotional truth as secrets & lies . like bergman  director mike leigh is interested in probing his characters ', inner depths through hypernaturally blunt confrontations . also like bergman  leigh engages in frequent closeups of his characters ', ravished and wracked faces . and the prominent mournfulness of a cello on the soundtrack recalls bergman ', s own use of a bach cello suite in an earlier film . all that is missing is a discussion of god . which is not to say that secrets & lies is nothing more than an homage to the swedish master . in fact  it is quite possible leigh had no such intentions in mind . nonetheless  what we get is so far removed from the average moviegoing experience -- even from the reason we go to the movies in the first place -- that it takes some effort to adjust to the film ', s rhythms . once the adjustment is made  however  there are great rewards . one such is the chance to see life on the screen as it really is . though leigh may have adopted some of bergman ', s stylistic touches  most obviously in an early scene of terse cross - cutting during a married couple ', s strained conversation  as well as in that somewhat obtrusive score  the overall feeling of the film is that it eschews any " style " at all . whereas bergman uses artifice as a tool to expose reality  leigh makes the camera a mere observer  almost as in a pbs documentary . the effect of this is to focus all of your attention on the actors . it is a tribute to everyone involved that  despite such scrutiny  only infrequently are we aware that anyone * is * acting . much has been made of brenda blethyn ', s performance  and rightly so  but it is only when you remind yourself that you are watching a fiction that you realize how good she is . there are a few missteps . for one  except for one scene ( tragicomic  as it happens )  there is scant humor in the film . this leads to a certain monotonous tone throughout . and occasionally ( as with bergman ) the bluntness of the situations can seem forced . for all that  this longish film manages to keep hold of your attention . it is unfortunate that the audience for secrets & lies will most likely be limited to an intellectual elite  for there is nothing inherently intellectual about this film . in fact  it might easily resonate more strongly for millions of working class filmgoers who will likely never see it . there is even a sweet but significant irony in the film ', s unspoken take on race relations  something an american audience at least would do well to observe . nonetheless  secrets & lies is not for the faint of heart . though there is nothing physically horrific to make one squeamish  the exploration of common human frailty can be so raw and unsparing that it is tempting to turn from the screen . needless to say  it is also very depressing at times . but for many of us  of course  so is life . and though the film is too honest to tack on a phony happy ending  that same honesty allows it to admit that things can also get better .
pos after a successful run in australia last year  and with much critical praise heaped upon it  muriel ', s wedding opens into medium release this weekend in north america . muriel heslop is a withdrawn  overweight young woman living in porpoise spit  australia . she is often the target of her father ', s frequent rants at the family  and drowns out her feelings of inadequacy with abba music and fantasies of marriage . her self - loathing is such that only being wed shall she prove herself to be a success ; marriage will transform her into a new person who is respected and admired . after her four cliquey friends dump her  muriel plots to follow them to a resort where they are celebrating the honeymoon of one of the girls  and muriel ', s wedding unfolds from there . toni collette plays muriel in a winning performance  conveying both the sadness of her character and her desperate eagerness to be accepted . collette gained a frightening 43 pounds in order to play the chubby title character . she has a natural screen presence and exudes charisma  easily winning the audience over with an honest  painful performance . collette basically carries the film  appearing in almost every scene . muriel ', s father  bill " the battler " heslop  is portrayed by bill hunter as a slick politician / developer . while chumming around with young fans and crowing ', you can ', t beat progress ', ( his slogan )  bill labels his family as worthless and embarrassments . rachel griffiths plays rhonda  who becomes muriel ', s cheeky new friend in the film . she has good chemistry with collette  and the film suffers when griffiths is off - screen . muriel ', s tormenters  played by pippa grandison  rosalind hammond  belinda jarrett and sophie lee  are two - dimensional caricatures  all saucy  vain and bumblingly spiteful  though that is probably due to hogan ', s scripting muriel ', s wedding is essentially a genre teen comedy with more intelligence and a lot of charm . hogan ', s use of abba tunes ( which virtually comprises the entire soundtrack ) is interestingly appropriate  although its repetitiveness tires after awhile . hogan ', s script is right on the mark in terms of proportionately mixing comedy with muriel ', s earnest quest for acceptance  and the gorgeous scene with muriel window - shopping beautifully illustrates the wonder that marriage has for her . the glaring pastel colours worn by the performers is an interesting touch . muriel ', s wedding features a fine performance by toni collette and a charming  if a bit too straightforward and conventional story by p . j . hogan . on my four star scale  i give muriel ', s wedding three stars .
pos every once in a while  a film sneaks up on me and takes me completely by surprise . i don ', t necessarily mean in terms of quality ; rather  i ', m referring to the mere knowledge of its existence . usually i know what films are on the way a year in advance  but two weeks ago i had never heard of princess caraboo . it has slipped rather quietly into limited release  and appears destined to slip out just as quietly . that ', s a shame  because princess caraboo is a delightful fable  romantic  gentle and very appealing . what ', s more  it ', s surprisingly insightful and provides a sharp - witted lesson in english social history . princess caraboo is based on an actual event in early 19th century england  involving a young woman ( phoebe cates ) who is found wandering the countryside . apparently unable to speak any english  she is taken in by good - hearted gentlewoman mrs . worrall ( wendy hughes ) . her banker husband ( jim broadbent ) is none - too - pleased about this strange houseguest  until the worralls begin to believe that the woman may be royalty from an east indian island  the princess caraboo . this development inspires plans for a lucrative trading venture for mr . worrall  and an introduction into elite social circles for mrs . worrall . however  local journalist john gutch ( stephen rea ) is not convinced that the woman is what she seems to be  and sets out to find out the truth about princess caraboo . as a social satire and comedy of manners  princess caraboo is a winner . it takes place in an era when it was common practice in england to jail vagrants and hang beggars  and that practice comes in for an obvious hazing . but it is handled most effectively through the character of mr . worrall  a drunken womanizer whose bank is in deep trouble thanks to his corruption and ineptitude . he is worse than one of the idle rich ; he is one of the actively odious gentry so eager to distance themselves from the lower class they think nothing of simply eliminating them  and since the house and money are all from mrs . worrall  he is a bit too close to them for comfort . while hypocrisy is an easy target for ridicule  director and co - writer michael austin keeps the treatment too light - hearted to be heavy - handed . he also takes a unique stab at the trendiness of the upper classes  as the princess becomes a " sensation " at court . in one of the film ', s best sequences  princess caraboo is the guest of honor at a party hosted by the prince regent ( a wonderfully foppish turn by comic john sessions )  and the lords and ladies end up following her around in a thoroughly silly native dance . it is then that princess caraboo shows how easily people are swept up in " sensations  " an idea that takes on a timeless quality ( and makes the film an interesting companion piece to the current quiz show ) . social commentary aside  princess caraboo is simply an eminently enjoyable entertainment . the performers are mostly delightful  particularly phoebe cates  who is radiant in a part that requires a gift for pantomime . her supporting players are also appealing : wendy hughes as the patient and kindly mrs . worrall ; kevin kline as frixos  the worralls ', suspicious and superior greek butler ; stephen rea as the world - weary but ultimately romantic gutch . only john lithgow is a disappointment  turning in a limp performance as a scholar who attempts to verify the princess ', s identity . the story twists and turns just enough so that the question of whether or not the princess is really a princess is always in some doubt  without becoming gimmicky . it is unfortunate that the growing attraction between gutch and princess caraboo isn ', t given more time to develop  because the potential seemed to be there . when it finally does blossom  it seems too quick to be plausible . princess caraboo is patient enough in establishing its sense of time and place that it might seem a bit slow to viewers seeking a fantasy romp . still  it has both escapist and intellectual appeal  and is well worth seeking out . it is the kind of film that makes my job its most rewarding -- a hidden gem .
pos " through a spyglass  i could see everything . " king louis xvi was beheaded on january 21  1793  but instead of visualizing this act of regicide  legendary auteur eric rohmer ', s the lady and the duke observes from afar . consider it a view to a kill made abstract . a proper british ( yes  british ) gentlewoman  grace elliott ( lucy russell )  and her loyal maidservant gaze from a lofty terrace in meudon at the glistening city of paris  where raucous crowds seem tinier than ants . the maid narrates what little she sees of the execution through her telescope ( often muttering  " i don ', t know  " ) as the sound of cheering patriots and revolutionaries echoes through the air . what we don ', t see might not be able to hurt us . just close your eyes and think of england . during times of revolution  the aristocracy may feel a false sense of calm in their parlor halls  discussing tumultuous events over glasses of sherry until the walls cave in on them . adapted from elliott ', s memoirs  journal of my life during the french revolution  rohmer ', s latest artistic tour - de - force may seem far removed from his domestic comedies ( tales of the four seasons  etc . )  a period film set during the most violent changes in french history . resisting the temptation for grand - scale theatrics  much of the lady and the duke is about quiet  decisive moments between members of the cultural elite as they determine how to proceed as the world implodes . grace elliott makes for an unlikely protagonist : a headstrong  snobbish blueblood  one unprepared for the machinations of history that sweep her along . a foreigner who accepts the french king as her own  grace ', s life seems defined by fancy attire and lively political debate with her former lover  the king ', s hot - blooded cousin  prince philipe  duke of orleans ( jean - claude dreyfus ) . the times are changing  though  and the gears inch ever closer toward violence . during the september massacres of 1792  she is encountered by a procession of rioters brandishing the head of the duke ', s sister - in - law on a stake . rohmer makes a harsh transition from tranquil  old fashioned  almost stagy parlor scenes to the swell of an angry mob . in doing so  he achieves what braveheart and the patriot could not : the face of death . when grace sees her friend ', s disembodied head on a pole  rohmer ', s attention drifts from the societal change to one woman ', s reaction shot  laden with hot tears . grace finds herself taking in a fugitive from justice  sheltering him from the mob . through her relationship with the duke  she seeks a passport for this one activist ', s escape . grace doesn ', t even understand her own actions ( and the duke reacts in stunned disbelief at how she places herself in such danger ) . she endures persecution from robespierre and his gang of thuggish equalizers  ceaseless police monitoring  house searches  even a brief imprisonment for harmless international correspondence . maintaining her stiff upper lip and pampered life ( her imperious attitude to the servants never changes )  she becomes a heroine through circumstance . the events themselves are intrusions upon her person  her home  and therefore her values . aristocracy proves a glass house  one that can barely withstand the upheaval of stones . the duke is called to vote on the king ', s punishment  and despite his hours of deliberation with friends and advisors  talk means nothing in the face of bloody action ( or futile inaction ) . the episodic structure creates a wobbly  jarring detachment from the events of the french revolution  which serves as metaphor but also disconnects potential audience identification . lazy viewers ( and critics ) may also complain that knowledge of french history is required for enjoyment of the lady and the duke . that ', s foolery  but brings up the valid criticism that rohmer ', s characters occasionally become didactic . rohmer ', s imperfect but assured push toward the future remains staunch and notable for casting a cautious eye upon the past while taking bold steps forward into an uncertain future . what may arouse interest in the lady and the duke outside of foreign film enthusiasts with literary and historical passions is rohmer ', s use of cutting edge digital technology as a means of exploring the theme of artifice as safety net or coping mechanism . the actors were filmed against a bluescreen  then placed against painted backdrops recreating the vastness of 18th century paris . this recreation calls attention to itself in every shot  a technicolor dream of fanciful buildings and wide - open streets . it looks as phony as titanic  but unlike james cameron ', s debacle  the lady and the duke plays with the notion of false security in those walls of stone . why ? they aren ', t real . the very foundation rohmer ', s characters stand upon is false  and in their groundlessness they must discover themselves  in all their insubstantial glory . screened at the 2001 new york film festival ( feature coming soon ) .
pos wong kar - wei ', s " fallen angels " is  on a purely visceral level  one of the most exciting films i ', ve seen in a long while . unfortunately  wong seems more interested in experimenting with his camera than creating tangible characters for the audience to root for . ordinarily  that alone would be enough to sink a movie  but in the case of " fallen angels "  this is not so . every shot in this film is exciting just to * look * at . wong does really interesting things with the camera  but he doesn ', t allow the pyrotechnics to completely take over  as was the case with last years dismal " knock off " ( which contained a shot of a foot entering a shoe . ugh . ) the movie follows three pairs of lost souls as they struggle to find some meaning in their lives . i can ', t say much more than that as i didn ', t really know what was going on most of the time . in fact  it wasn ', t until about halfway through the movie that i was able to distinguish between each character . the constantly moving camera doesn ', t really allow for the audience to associate with any one character . we ', re always kept at a distance from these people  i suppose in order to further add to the feeling of alienation felt by the characters . " fallen angels " is a refreshing change - of - pace from most hollywood films  which never bother to try anything different  at least on a visual level . in fact  i ', d go so far as to say that " fallen angels " is more challenging visually than any mainstream hollywood film i ', ve ever seen . sure  there ', s directors like robert rodriguez who enjoy turning violence into operatic orgies of death  but to see a filmmaker like wong who actually assaults the senses with images is truly something worth celebrating . but if wong wishes to become a legendary filmmaker  he needs to work on incorporating an actual story into those awesome images . there were far too many instances during " fallen angels " in which i asked myself  " now who are these people again ? is this that first couple or the second couple ? " it was impossible to keep track . perhaps he could let the audience know right away which character is which  by introducing them to us with " name cards "  as in scorsese ', s " mean streets " . that ', s really besides the point  though . wong kar - wei has proven himself  through very few films  that ', s he ', s a movie - maker to watch . let ', s just hope that he hones his storytelling skills with his next few movies .
pos city of angels is the kind of love story that i enjoy the most : thought - provoking  moving  and completely unsentimental . i find it interesting that this film has been released the same day as my giant  which is a film that is undone completely by its wretched sentimentality . city of angels is a wonderful film  enhanced by interesting and well - rounded characters and some of the most immersive imagery of the last couple of years . it ', s a love story that takes the familiar angel themes and makes them new and necessary to the story  and avoids most of the cliches we ', re so used to seeing in films like this . city of angels is an apparently loose remake of wim wenders ', 1988 film wings of desire . i have yet to see wings of desire  so i am  unfortunately  unable to make a comparison of the two . i have heard  however  that city of angels is dissimilar from the original in numerous ways  which makes me glad that this film isn ', t a rip - off of its source material . nicolas cage stars as seth  an angel who  like all of his angel counterparts  is present to lead the dying to heaven ( or somewhere just like it ) . one day  he is forced to take the life of a patient of dr . maggie rice ( meg ryan )  and his attention is called to her . the angels can make themselves seen to humans  but they can ', t experience any of the senses ( most importantly  touch ) . he shows himself to maggie  and she falls for him  unaware that he is slightly unavailable because of his apparition status . seth wants to become human so he can feel her . that ', s when he meets nathaniel messinger ( dennis franz )  " former celestial messenger and recent addition to the human race . " ( as a side note  i found messinger to be the most fascinating character  for i can only imagine how incredibly liberating it must be to live knowing what lies beyond death . ) messinger explains to seth that it is possible for angels to become human . seth manages to convince maggie that he is an angel ( i know  it sounds ridiculous  but the scene in which she finds out is exceptionally well - done ) ; after much deliberation  she tells him that she could only be with a man who can feel . this  of course  is when seth decides to take the plunge ( literally ) from a building ; when he wakes up from the fall  he is human  and happy to feel what it ', s like to have a split lip and blood oozing from his forehead . since i love this film so much  i ', ll make a minor note that it certainly isn ', t perfect . although it is original and mesmerizing  it does fall prey to a few of the cliches of the genre . the plotting of the story by writer dawn steel is rather formulaic ( though the details are what make the story excellent  and steel has done a great job with them ) . the ending  too  could have been more powerful and less predictable . these elements are minor  though  and barely detracted from my overall enjoyment of city of angels . the acting is superb from everyone involved . this is perhaps my second - favorite performance from cage ( my favorite being the rock ) . he ', s quiet and pensive  and his eyes are engaging when he speaks his softly - toned words . he ', s perfect for a role like this  and at the same time he reassures us he ', s not bound by playing the psycho ( though he is good at it  as he shows in face / off ) . meg ryan is a powerful  enticing  and appealingly - chirpy actress  and her work here is some of her best . dennis franz  however  steals all of his scenes as the energetic former - angel . what i admire most about city of angels is its overall presentation . director brad silberling is a talented man  and he knows that a story like this is driven by the characters  rather than forced sentimentality . his direction is steady  and he shows this in just about every scene : near the beginning  maggie has to tell a mother and her two children that their father is dead . there is no music or elaborate camera work ; we simply see the reactions of the characters to the information . this is the way stories should be told  and the strength of scenes resonates more completely when the emotions are real . the film also appeals to the senses in a way that few love stories do . cinematographer john seale ( the english patient ) provides some of the most stunning images i ', ve seen on the big screen : hundreds of black - clad angels stand on a dim beach in the early morning hours ( just as an example ) . the music  by gabriel yared ( also of the english patient )  is perfect for this film : it ', s quiet and moody music ( but not sentimental ! )  and adds to the atmosphere and tone nicely . the visual presentation of city of angels is easily the best of 1998 so far . all of this adds up to a film that is instantly set apart from other members of this genre . it ', s a film that relies on character development and imagery to get the story across -- the excellent actors and the professional production values make city of angels one of those rare films that both entertains and instigates thought simultaneously .
pos have you ever wondered if death is something that simply happens naturally  at any given moment  in life ? or if it is an occurrence that is predetermined by some much larger force within the world  or outside of it ? these thought - provoking questions are the subject of " final destination  " which is the most riveting horror - drama since 1999 ', s " the sixth sense . " stylishly filmed and tautly directed by " x - files " alum james wong  the film deals with several fairly heavy topics that are discussed truthfully by teenage characters ( in accurately written " teen - speak  " rather than overwrought  highly intellectualized dialogue that even harvard scholars wouldn ', t use )  all the while developing into a darkly foreboding  severely eerie thriller that successfully leaves you uneasy from the horrifyingly real opening twenty minutes to the less - successful  but still suspenseful epilogue . at the start of the film  17 - year - old high school senior alex browning ( devon sawa ) is about to leave with his 40 - student french class for a field trip to paris . progressively getting a case of preflight jitters  he spots several mysterious " coincidences  " including the departure time being 9 : 25  the same as his september 25 birthday  as well as hearing the john denver song " rocky mountain high " over the sound system in the airport bathroom . " john denver died in a plane crash  " alex grudgingly mutters to himself . once seated  alex suddenly gets a horrific premonition about the plane exploding upon takeoff  and after causing a ruckus onboard  he  as well as six other students and a teacher  are thrown off . arguing in the airport lobby  alex ', s suspicion comes true when the plane really does explode in flight  killing all 300 + passengers  including the rest of their classmates . as two investigators interrogate alex about how he knew the plane was going to explode  the fellow survivors  whom he has saved  treat him in varying manners . carter ( kerr smith )  the hotshot jock  holds him in contempt because he believes that it is only he himself who can decide his fate . alex ', s best friend  tod ( chad e . donella )  wants to stand by him but can ', t because of his fearful parents . the teacher  mrs . lewton ( kristen cloke )  is frightened by him  believing that it was he who somehow caused the disaster  as well as in a state of guilt for giving up her seat on the plane to a fellow coworker . only outsider clear rivers ( ali larter )  who unboarded the plane due to a sudden connection to alex ', s premonition even though she had never even spoken to him before  is sympathetic and thankful to him for saving her life . that is only the setup of " final destination  " and the less said about what follows  the better . suffice to say  the film does  indeed  turn into a slasher film  albeit one that is more thoughtful than most  and replaces a knife - wielding maniac for the never - seen granddaddy killer of them all  the grim reaper itself . the setpieces in any horror movie are the death scenes  and " final destination " surely boosts some of the most inventive ones to grace the silver screen in years . graphic and brilliantly orchestrated in a rube goldbergesque manner  they manage to occasionally be so intense you don ', t know whether to shrink down in your seat  tap your feet in nervousness  or turn away . devon sawa  a rising star who put his physical comedy skills to good use in 1999 ', s underseen slasher - comedy  " idle hands  " is even more of a charismatic presence here . the conflicting emotions he feels for his survival  which he comes to believe he wasn ', t meant to do  as well as the loss of the other passengers  is superbly and subtly acted on his part . one scene  in which he is watching a news report on the crash and slowly begins to break down is especially realistic and powerful . ali larter ( 1999 ', s " varsity blues " )  in the other central role  is also effective  as a girl whose life was going well until her father died in a convenience store shooting years before  leaving her stuck with an increasingly uncaring mother who married a loutish man -- the exact opposite of her now - deceased father . the other roles are not as fully written  and most remain rather one - dimensional . the movie is mainly sawa ', s  however  and the rest of the actors equip themselves well in limited roles . tony todd ( 1992 ', s " candyman " )  as an arcane morgue attendant  pops up for a five - minute cameo  but his appearance is rather supererogatory . and the aforementioned dialogue occasionally hits the bullseye  while at other times it hovers over being just a little too stilted and campy . ultimately  what is so good about " final destination " is that  within the confines of the slasher genre  writer - director wong and screenwriters glen morgan and jeffrey reddick have created a premise that has never been seen before in this manner  and a film that has the ability to both surprise and frighten -- two things that are rarely found in today ', s horror films . if anything  it ', s safe to say you will never ever look at flying in airplanes the same way again .
pos originally entitled dancing about architecture ( i . e . " talking about love is like dancing about architecture " )  but changed because it sounded too much like the recent box - office dud dancing at lughnasa  this film slaps together a stunning cast of hollywood names  playing interesting and well - written characters  within a vignettes - styled plot arrangement a la robert altman . plot : follow the lives of several couples falling in and out of love  finding themselves  regaining a clearer understanding of the people that they are  and who they want  and appreciating the fine emotional art of love . critique : charmingly effective romantic drama  this film offers insight into various types of relationships  presents us with interesting characters and excellent performances from the cast  and scratches beneath the surface of love and its many complex subtleties . how do people fall in love ? why do people fall out of love ? how do people fall back into love  once they ', ve been hurt and left to join the lonely hearts club ? all of these questions and more  are touched upon in this film  within several types of variant relationships . meet a hip  young couple going through their first date . a divorcee attempting to date again after her many failed relationships . a married woman " finding herself " while cheating on her husband . a husband letting go of his inhibitions . an older couple dealing with a past " love " of the man  a secret recently uncovered . a son dying from aids  joined by his mother at the hospital . there are many nuances to this picture  and many ideas and quotes to which we could all relate  but more importantly  there is diversity . diversity of relationships helped me and my gang of friends enjoy this film on many levels . some related to the younger couples ', issues . others with the married . there ', s a little bit of everything for everyone in here . and i would bet dollars to donuts that if i were to watch this film again in a year  i would relate myself to yet another predicament . just like love itself  this movie is distinct and appreciated by all on many different levels . the actors in this film are all also very  very good . sean connery is solid as the older man with some issues to resolve  as is gena rowlands  as the aging wife with trepidations . jolie comes out of this film a star with a great performance  while philippe is as pretty - boy as ever . anderson leaves scully far behind with her wonderful portrayal of a damaged woman trying to re - ignite her love life  opposite a surprisingly admirable performance by former talk - show host  jon stewart . even dennis quaid manages to step outside of his overacting shoes in this film  and offers a convincing show of a man lost within his own imagination . the only piece of this puzzle which left me somewhat detached  was the part surrounding jay mohr  the man dying from aids  and his mother  ellen burstyn . the actors were fine  but somehow  the piece seemed out of place within the realm of everything else . the ending of this film was also a little too saccharine for me  but i guess that ', s just hollywood . this film is actually a lot like your friends and neigbors ( 5 . 5 / 10 ) and happiness ( 4 . 5 / 10 ) in concept and style  but its complete anthesis in regards to character relatibility and likeness . the characters in those films were too unique and inhuman for anyone to care  as opposed to this film  which offers rich and believable characters  living real lives and talking about real issues in today ', s relationships . all in all  this movie offers many interesting characters  talking and living genuine and engaging love lives  wonderful performances by its solid cast  too sweet of an ending  but an enjoyable and rewatchable movie nonetheless . little known facts about this film and its stars : according to a story in the london sunday mirror  sean connery asked for only $ 60  000 for his role in this movie  as compared to his usual fee of $ 14 million  because he liked the script so much . on top of that  he convinced his co - stars ( including gena rowlands  gillian anderson  ellen burstyn  et al . ) to do the same . this is director / writer willard carroll second real foray into the world of " adult films " . before this  he had written and produced many children ', s movies . gillian anderson stands 5 ', 2 . angelina jolie ', s full name is angelina jolie voight . she is actor jon voight ', s daughter . she has trained and performed at the lee strasberg theatre institute . she divorced actor jonny lee miller of trainspotting ( 8 . 5 / 10 ) fame in 1997 . they were married in 1995 . actor ryan phillippe ', s full name is matthew ryan phillippe . he stands 5 ', 9  and spent his childhood in new castle  delaware . his acting career started on tv ', s " one life to live " . he portrayed daytime television ', s first gay teenager . jon stewart ', s full name is jonathan stewart leibowitz . this film was originally entitled if they only knew and dancing about architecture . watch for movie posters from swingers ( 8 . 5 / 10 )  chasing amy ( 7 / 10 ) and the texas chainsaw massacre ( 8 / 10 ) at the movie theatre where the characters of joan and keenan go on their first date .
pos " well this is not mission : difficult  mr . hunt  it ', s mission : impossible . difficult should be a walk in the park for you . " --- agent swanbeck ( sir anthony hopkins )  the series ', new agent phelps  takes ethan hunt ( tom cruise ) down a notch . a russian scientist ( rade serbedzija ) has created a new virus ( and its antidote ) called chimera that destroys its host within twenty hours of injection . a rogue imf agent  sean ambrose ( dougray scott )  wants to use the disease and cure to blackmail a pharmaceutical company into selling him enough stock to make him owner of the company ( he knows it will soon be worth its weight in gold thanks to the outbreak of the virus he is going to cause ) . posing as ethan hunt  ambrose gains the confidence of the scientist long enough to get only the cure  not realizing that the scientist had injected himself with the virus to prevent exactly what ambrose was trying to do . the real ethan hunt is called in from his vacation to persuade beautiful thief nyah nordoff - hall ( thandie newton ) to assist the imf team in retrieving the stolen goods . ethan and nyah fall quickly in love  but ethan soon finds himself in a real dilemma when he learns that his new love has only been hired because she was a former lover of ambrose ', s . reluctantly  he sets up nyah to be rescued from prison by ambrose so she can infiltrate his compound and send back intelligence to the team . ethan must race against time to keep ambrose from obtaining and spreading the virus and prevent any harm from coming to nyah . although the first mission : impossible film was a moderate box office success  audiences panned it because they felt the plot was too confusing and there wasn ', t much action ( although being a fan of the series both old and new  i thought the movie was pretty decent and especially gutsy to make phelps a bad guy ) . that problem has been rectified in the sequel by making the plot more accessible ( courtesy of one of the writers of the previous entry  robert towne ) and by turning the film into one gigantic action set piece under the steady hand of action film guru john woo . the end result is one of the most entertaining ( yet simple ) action films made in a long while . unfortunately  the first forty minutes or so are relatively slow  dwelling mainly on ethan and nyah ', s quickly blossoming romance and seeming more in place in a james bond film than with the less glamorous mission : impossible tv series . ethan ', s conflict is a compelling one  but it seems very rushed ( and comes about because of a near fatal car wreck that ethan himself causes ! ) . john woo handles all of this with an artistic flair that seems out of place  featuring a great deal of slow fades and dramatically framed close - ups . the surreal nature of these sequences are distracting and ultimately a detriment to the film . thankfully though  at the point ambrose discovers nyah ', s deception  mission : impossible ii becomes very entertaining and action - packed . robert towne ', s screenplay takes some of the conventions set up in the first film and parodies them during a sequence where ethan must break into a high - rise building and retrieve the remaining specimens of the virus . after that  the action scenes just begin to build in intensity  as is the case with many of woo ', s previous high - octane films . the final half hour is an all out assault of action ( a good deal of which is ruined by the trailer  unfortunately ) . as far as summer entertainment goes  mission : impossible ii is serviceable fare . anyone looking for hardcore action won ', t be disappointed ( except for during the first half of the film  perhaps ) . even if you weren ', t a fan of the first film  this entry deserves some checking out . [ pg - 13 ]
pos robert redford is very good at playing characters who have incredible  god - given gifts  but are able to act like ordinary people . in " the natural " ( 1984 )  he played the fallen angelic character of roy hobbs  the baseball player who was destined to be " the best there ever was  " but still acted like a humble farm boy . in " butch cassidy and the sundance kid " ( 1969 )  he was the most dangerous shot in the west  yet he came off like a nothing more than a boyishly good - looking charmer . even in " indecent proposal " ( 1993 )  where he played a man who was so good at making money that he believed he could buy love  redford was still able to exude an aura of shy decency  especially when reciting a tale of lost love . in his latest film  " the horse whisperer  " based on the best - selling novel by nicholas evans  redford again plays such a character . redford also directed the film although he swore up and down that he would never direct himself in a movie - i suppose the character of tom booker  a man who has the amazing gift of understanding and somehow communicating with horses  was just too good to pass up . despite his enormous and rare gift when it comes to training troubled horses ( a magazine article coins the phrase " horse whisperer " to describe his uncanny talent )  booker sees himself as an everyday cattle rancher whose greatest fear is growing old and no longer having a purpose in life . booker ', s talents are taxed into service by annie maclean ( kristin scott thomas )  a new york magazine editor whose daughter  grace ( scarlett johansson )  was recently in a horrible accident . the accident  which is filmed with gut - wrenching horror  happens when grace and her best friend are out riding horses - an eighteen - wheeler kills grace ', s friend  severely wounds and traumatizes grace ', s horse  pilgrim  and causes grace to lose part of her right leg . annie believes that if pilgrim can be healed  grace will be healed as well  which leads her to booker . at first  she tries to get booker to come to new york to see the horse  but that doesn ', t work . instead  she packs up grace and pilgrim  leaves her husband  robert ( sam neill ) behind  and heads for the rolling hills of montana where booker runs a ranch with his brother  frank ( chris cooper )  and his sister - in - law  diane ( dianne wiest ) . in many ways  the film is like a journey  both literally and symbolically . the move out west has always been a great american tradition of renewal  and it ', s hard not to see annie and grace ', s leaving manhattan for montana as a variation on the classic theme of city vs . country . in " the horse whisperer  " country is clearly the victor . the city is characterized by claustrophobia and unhappiness  and it is not until the characters arrive in the wide - open spaces of montana that grace ', s anger at being physically and emotionally crippled begins to dissipate  annie ', s controlling nature begins to relax  and pilgrim once again learns to trust people . redford is just as in love with the grand montana country in this film as he was when he directed " a river runs through it " six years ago . in many ways  " the horse whisperer " comes from the same poetic vein as " river  " and the movie could probably be a good fifteen minutes shorter if redford had decided to spend less camera - time on the grass and mountains . but then  that would ruin the magic . much of the film ', s photography is truly elegant  and it creates a palpable sense of the sheer expansiveness of the land . to further emphasize this  redford and cinematographer robert richardson ( " natural born killers  " " platoon " ) cheated a bit by shooting the beginning of the film - which takes place in new york - with mostly cold  harsh bluish filters and a more squarish 1 . 85 : 1 aspect ratio ; when the action shifts to montana  richardson switches to soft - focus and natural lighting  and the screen widens to a 2 . 35 : 1 aspect ratio . in terms of the story itself  " the horse whisperer " gives us the same romanticized view of adultery found in david lean ', s " a brief encounter " ( 1945 ) and clint eastwood ', s 1995 adaptation of robert james waller ', s " the bridges of madison county " ( richard lagravenese  co - screenwriter here also adapted " bridges " ) . although " the horse whisperer " has a strong romantic sensibility  i still find something oddly troubling about this kind of story . it seems to me that there should be some sympathy for the husband who ', s being left behind for this brief  heart - sweeping affair  but there rarely is . in " the horse whisperer  " the thankless role of being the fuddy - duddy husband falls to sam neill . he plays the character as a decent  hard - working man who is a good husband and father ; his only failure is that he loves his wife more than she loves him . he is at risk of losing annie to booker not because he did anything to drive her away  but simply because he happens to be a normal  fairly uninspiring man . there is one scene that is particularly telling of how the movie feels about each character . it shows booker and robert going into a horse pen - booker is dressed like a classic cowboy with hat and all  while robert looks somewhat frumpy and out - of - place in a baseball cap . as they enter the pen  booker assuredly swings over the fence  while robert hesitates  then opens the gate and  in a goofy moment  forgets to close it behind him . it ', s a small scene  but it clearly demonstrates the movie ', s thorough love of the booker character for his romantic roughness . after all  booker represents everything good about the city while robert represents everything banal and unnatural about it . the best scenes in " the horse whisperer " tend to involve not the building romance between booker and annie  but rather the healing process of grace and her horse . although booker ', s horse - training methods are mythical and unrealistic  the scenes with him and pilgrim are strangely mesmerizing . these are paralleled by the scenes between him and grace  some of which are humorous  and all of which are tender and true . at some point  i wished the movie would drop the whole romance angle and focus on grace more . nevertheless  redford is obviously a romantic at heart  and he brings a light touch to the erotic moments in the film . there are no dramatic sex scenes  but there is a moving scene when he and scott thomas are slow - dancing  always moving ever closer together  that is far more erotic than any scene of sweaty bodies grinding together . although the movie is longer than it should be and is essentially a melodramatic tearjerker with an unsatisfying conclusion that guarantees unhappiness for just about every character  there are enough moments like that which make " the horse whisperer " worth the price of admission .
pos in roger michell ', s romantic comedy notting hill  william thacker ( hugh grant ) leads a rather dreary life maintaining his flagging travel bookshop in the quaint section of london which lends it ', s name to the film ', s title . one day  american movie superstar anna scott ( julia roberts ) walks in to purchase a book on turkey . quickly enamored of each other  the two embark upon an on - again  off - again love affair replete with romance  humor  and the occasional lump in the throat . the film opens with a non - verbal cue to anna ', s stardom as the title credits appear over a montage of slow motion sequences featuring the actress ', s appearances in films and at premieres - coming out of limousines  walking the red carpets and such . without words  this sequence gives us a background to her character . following  however  is a set - up narration by william indicating what he does and where he lives . i don ', t know why the filmmakers chose to go with a narration which tells us nothing we couldn ', t have figured out by watching the first ten minutes of film  and which never resurfaces after the movie ', s beginning  but there it is . if there were ever a clear case for " less is more  " this would be it . the film is told nearly first person from william ', s point of view  as he is in every scene . by nature of this arrangement  we get a very definite sense of what he is all about  and his nice guy personality wins us over easily . in fact  much of notting hill ', s strength lies in the great dialog written for this character by richard curtis . a scene where william is still in shock over the fact that he ', s even talking to a silver screen goddess is made golden by the way bumbles through his attempt to offer her some honey - soaked apricots from his refrigerator . or take an instance where anna kisses william and asks him never to tell anyone for fear of the incident hurting her image . william assures her he wouldn ', t say a word  then adds  " well  i ', ll probably tell myself now and then  but i ', d never believe it . " great stuff . the downside to spending so much time with william is that we don ', t get to see enough of anna to make their relationship whole and plausible . we ', re constantly exposed to william ', s thoughts  feelings  actions and desires  but don ', t actually get the sense of how much anna really feels for him . there are a couple of instances where she declares her obvious interest  but they nearly come out of nowhere due to the fact that we ', re not sure what she ', s been thinking all the times in between . this  combined with the sheer iniquity of screen time between the two  makes this hugh grant ', s film hands down . he gets the great scenes ( look for one in which he has to portray an interviewer from horse and hound magazine in order to speak with anna )  the great lines  and gives an overall wonderful performance . julia roberts fans will probably be disappointed by the actress ', s top billing and subsequent lack of involvement in the film ( ala sandra bullock in a time to kill ) along with her detached performance which is only worsened by her character ', s unpredictable behavior . anna doesn ', t get a lot of our compassion . this romantic comedy leans a little more toward the comedy than the romance  much of it supplied by grant himself  but with considerable help from the supporting cast . most notable is rhys ifans as spike  william ', s eccentric roommate  who is in the film for no other purpose than to make us laugh . hugh bonneville  emma chambers  james dreyfus  and gina mckee bring up the guard as william ', s friends and family  particularly shining in a scene where william brings anna to his sister ', s birthday dinner  and we get to see how these common folks react to the presence of a movie star in their midst . it ', s a scene most of us will probably think would play out in our own living rooms were we faced with a similar situation . roger michell ', s use of visuals doesn ', t sweep us off our feet  but does give us more than your typical movie of this type . for example  there are a couple of instances in this film where large amounts of time pass . whereas some films are content to simply put in a caption saying " eight months later  " michell presents us with more interesting cues  such as william ', s walk though his neighborhood while the seasons change around him . another memorable shot occurs in a park where the camera is lifted from ground level to a couple of hundred feet in the air . we ', re generally used to scenes where our point of view is lifted from the earth to treetop level or so  but in this case  the camera just keeps going up and up until we have a bird ', s eye view of the ground below . music is used rather glaringly as an enhancement to many of the film ', s scenes  and some of this might have been better toned down  but in other areas it works to full effect . it ', s kind of a mixed bag  but still fares better than many of today ', s lighthearted movies which are so influenced by the mtv fare that the film becomes one long music video . at least this film has some pretty good music that for the most part remains relevant and appropriate . notting hill ', s grant and roberts will not go down in history as one of the all - time greatest film pairings  but the chemistry is decent and the comedic aspects of the movie more than make up for it . for a couple of hours  you should expect to laugh more than cry  and that ', s not so bad  now is it ?
pos ingredients : man with amnesia who wakes up wanted for murder  dark science fiction city controlled by alien beings with mental powers . synopsis : what if you woke up one day  and suspected you were not on earth  and instead were part of an experiment in a giant space terrarium manipulated by intergalactic alien zookeepers ? in dark city john murdoch ( rufus sewell ) has this problem . dark city starts out like a 1940s noir amnesia detective mystery . poor john wakes up with amnesia in a hotel room with a dead dame in one corner . a mysterious phone call tells him to get the heck out of there  and soon enough john is chased all over town by a murderous army of pale people in black trench - coats  as well as by the police  and the dogged inspector bumstead ( william hurt ) . is john a murderer  and what can his missing memories tell him ? he searches through his own wallet for possible contacts and clues . but when the clues don ', t fit  it doesn ', t just confuse him ; it causes john to go so far as to question the whole nature of reality in the dark city . to john  something is fishy  and very unreal about this city . how come it ', s always dark  and nobody seems to remember what they did this morning ? and how come nobody seems to remember how to leave the city  or how to get to nearby shell beach ? every night  around midnight  john notices that the whole city enters a state of suspended animation  and at this time  creepy alien experimenters known as the ', strangers ', come out and do nasty things like inject fake memories into people ', s heads with big hypodermic needles . the strangers have the ability to ', tune  ', or warp reality using telepathic powers . turns out  the city is not on earth at all . and the reason why john doesn ', t fall victim to the nightly suspended animation  is because he is a human mutation that possesses the same god - like reality - warping abilities as the strangers . even with the help of scientist dr . daniel schreber  can john take back the dark city ? opinion : director alex proyas ( he also directed the crow ) mentions this in the dark city press kit : in films  science fiction is always " used to have big spaceships blow up cities . i think we ', re a little tired of that . " according to director proyas  probably the most interesting thing about dark city is its layers . it ', s designed so that you can watch the film over again  and examine it from the perspective of a main character other than murdoch . it ', s a philosophical piece . cinematic science fiction is basically a thinly disguised shootout between the good humans and the bad aliens ( whether they be klingons  giant bugs  or proponents of the dark side of the force ) . but science fiction in books reaches beyond the ', shoot - em - up ', level and targets the big questions  questions like who are we ? what is the human condition ? what is ethical ? what would a true human being do ? far from comic book style on the order of spawn  batman  or the mutant ninja turtles  dark city not only features the showdown between good humans and powerful aliens  but it also asks questions worthy of films such as brazil or blade runner . dark city is what philosophers would call an existentialist screenplay . a little more than 200 years ago  the world was filled with unhappy peasants - - unhappy because nearly every aspect of their lives was controlled by totalitarian  military  conformist  medieval regimes . the people took refuge in religion  the idea being that earthly life was a time of suffering  but after death  heaven would be available . meanwhile  the state used these same ideas to prop up their regimes ; the king was often head of the religion and therefore sanctioned by heaven . when science finally overturned religion  the medieval dictatorships came tumbling down and were replaced by democratic governments . but the new fear was that the power of science and experimentation would be used to create a world order as darkly totalitarian as the old . this is the time period when writers and philosophers such as freud  kant  kafka  nietzsche  and dostoevsky pondered what society should be  and what place the individual had in it . the existentialists ', in particular wrote about the power of the lone individual against what may be a hostile  indifferent  or alienated universe . in dark city  when the last dying  defeated alien asks john murdoch why the aliens ', scientific experiments on the human beings ', brains failed  murdoch replies  pointing to his head  " because the human condition isn ', t located in here . "
pos every once in a while  when an exceptional family film comes along  i will attempt to champion it by challenging parents to put their money where their mouths have been ; with all the hubbub over the lack of films suitable for children  it is remarkable how many non - disney films disappear in a couple of weeks . now i see that in so doing  i have unfairly ghettoized these films . so i am issuing my challenge not just to parents  but to anyone who wants to support smart  funny  energetic film - making : see matilda . see it in a theater  rather than shrugging and waiting for it on video . see the best film i have seen in 1996 . not the best children ', s film . . . the best film . period . based on a story by roald dahl  it tells of young matilda wormwood ( mara wilson )  an extraordinarily bright girl whose great misfortune it is to have a pair of deeply stupid parents : harry ( danny devito )  a crooked used car salesman ; and zinnia ( rhea perlman )  a simple - minded bingo addict . the wormwoods barely notice matilda exists  and when they do  it is only to scold her for spending too much time reading books . when they finally do send her to school  it is to crunchem hall  a bleak place run by cruel  child - hating miss agatha trunchbull ( pam ferris ) . but things begin to look up for matilda when she discovers a sympathetic teacher  miss honey ( embeth davidtz )  who nurtures her natural inquisitiveness . matilda also discovers another special talent -- the ability to move things with her mind -- which allows her to help herself and miss honey to overcome miss trunchbull ', s cruelty . it was this spring ', s james and the giant peach which inspired me to note that the best and most lasting tales for children tended to have more than a hint of darkness to them  and you can bet that the roald dahl responsible for the gleeful ghoulishness of james and willy wonka and the chocolate factory has more of the same in store with matilda . and just as james benefited from the dark sensibilities of henry selick and tim burton  matilda soars on the cock - eyed direction of danny devito . devito made black humor a key element in throw momma from the train and the war of the roses  and he contributes some memorable images . in one scene  an unfortunate girl is made an example of by miss trunchbull when she is picked up by her pig - tails and flung through the air like a throwing hammer ; later  an overweight boy is forced to eat an entire massive cake after he is caught stealing a dessert . matilda is just twisted enough to be a perfect fairy tale . it is also characteristic of the best children ', s tales that they manage to teach lessons in such a way that children almost don ', t realize that they are learning them . there is a hilarious moment when matilda ', s television - addicted father snatches away the book she is reading ( in a wicked joke  he thinks _moby dick_ is pornographic ) and forces her to watch an inane game show ( hosted by jon lovitz ) in which contestants are smeared with adhesive and placed in a booth filled with cash blowing around . matilda is a story which promotes the value of intellectual curiosity over passive entertainment  and it does so while poking holes in that most frustrating of notions for a child -- that because " i ', m big and you ', re little  i ', m right and you ', re wrong . " more specifically  it has as its heroine an intelligent  self - confident girl who struggles successfully against other people ', s notions of how she should behave . it is no coincidence that matilda was co - written by robin swicord  who contributed the superb recent adaptation of little women . finally  matilda has that quality i find rarest and most treasured in family entertainment : it is family entertainment in the truest sense of the word . devito knows enough to make matilda fast - paced and appealing to children  taking a deliciously nasty performance by pam ferris as miss trunchbull and making it the focal point of some priceless physical comedy  including a great chase through her dark house . the child actors are winning but never obnoxiously adorable  with mara wilson making matilda a clever and extremely likeable character . but there are also many  many delights for adults  including my favorite scene in which matilda uses her powers to frighten miss trunchbull by having chalk write on a chalkboard by itself while matilda ', s classmates recite in sing - song fashion ; there is also a deadpan cameo by paul reubens as an fbi agent staking out matilda ', s father . i can ', t imagine anyone of any age leaving matilda feeling as though his or her intelligence had been insulted . matilda is a film which left me glowing with good feeling . i will see it again  and years from now i will watch it with my children . and now i will stop  because somewhere near you matilda is about to begin  and there is a seat in that theater you should be in  if you have a child or ever were a child .
pos usually when one is debating who the modern queen of the romantic comedy is they will bring up names like julia roberts or sandra bullock . others will mention meg ryan . but for me  it ', s not even close . janeane garofalo is not only the queen of the romantic comedy  she is the best comic actress in hollywood right now . and it ', s a good thing she ', s starring in the matchmaker  because without her presence the movie would be bland  unfunny  and dull . garofalo stars as marcy tizard  a top aide to boston senator john mcglory  who is suffering in the polls . in an attempt to capture the irish vote  he sends marcy on a mission to a small irish town called ballinagra in search of other mcglory ', s that never moved to america . unfortunately for marcy  her visit coincides with the town ', s annual matchmaking festival . things get off to a rocky start for marcy though . she has no hotel reservations ( for no rational reason ) and the tiny confined room ( tired old cliche ', ) she has to stay in has a visitor in her bathtub . his name is sean  and marcy finds him repugnant at first  so you can obviously tell where this is headed . the movie runs into a few roadblocks . for instance  the story is very thin . none of the characters ( except the old local matchmaker ) are nearly as interesting as garofalo . some of the characters  like the political aide played by denis leary  have wandered in from a completely different movie . i think the director realized this and decided to throw in numerous shots of the beautiful irish scenery  and several close - ups of garofalo ', s winning smile . the strange thing is that it works . garofalo ', s charm and the irish scenery could carry the thinnest of stories  and it carries this one .
pos susan granger ', s review of " bread and tulips " ( first look pictures ) in this delightfully frothy italian romantic comedy  after accidentally being left behind by a tour bus while on a family vacation with her cranky husband and two cynical teenagers  rosalba ( licia maglietta )  an unhappy housewife from pescara  finds herself - and love - in venice . for the first time in years  rosalba ', s on her own when she ', s abandoned at a highway rest area . although her philandering husband ( antonio catania )  a plumbing - supply dealer  orders her to stay there until she ', s picked up  she impulsively accepts a ride to venice  a bohemian paradise which she ', s never visited . rosalba finds refuge and romance with fernando ( bruno ganz )  a gruff icelandic waiter who offers her a spare room in his modest apartment and prepares breakfast for her each morning . to support herself  she gets a job working with a florist ( antonio catania ) . film - maker silvio soldini gently explores the blossoming of this bored  middle - aged  middle - class woman with warmth and affection  savoring special moments such as when rosalba starts playing the accordion again and abandons her maroon stretch pants  silver jacket and orange sneakers for a simple  new red - and - white dress with platform - soled espadrilles . the superb actors slip into their roles seamlessly  particularly luminous licia maglietta and low - key bruno ganz  along with marina massironi as her nosy massage - therapist neighbor and giuseppe massironi as the inept plumber - turned - private eye who ', s sent to retrieve her on orders from her frantic husband - who ', s discovered that his mistress has no interest in doing his laundry or cleaning the house . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " bread and tulips " is a beguiling  escapist 8 . as the summer ends  it ', s a magical getaway for mature audiences . .
pos " i know what you did last summer  " the first high - profile slasher thriller to be released after 1996 ', s " scream  " and written by the same screenwriter  kevin williamson  is a stylish  effective horror film that became 1997 ', s biggest hit of the fall season . while " scream " was a more knowing film about the genre  " i know what you did last summer " is more reminiscent of a straight - forward slasher flick  but it is far more intelligent than such bottom - of - the - barrel guilty pleasures as all nine of the " friday the 13th " films ( well  okay  " jason goes to hell " was pure hell to sit through ) . the film starts off with four talented  aspiring teenage friends who have just graduated from high school in their small boating town of southport  n . c . it is the 4th of july  and they will soon be heading their separate ways . kind - hearted julie ( jennifer love hewitt )  and outsider ray ( freddie prinze jr . ) will be headed off to college  while helen ( sarah michelle gellar )  who has just been honored croaker queen in the town  and her ignorant jock boyfriend  barry ( ryan phillippe )  are going to new york to become an actress and football player . when the four of them travel to a nearby mountain - side beach for the evening  they are dismayed after hitting a man in the road on their way home . distraught and confused  they decide they can ', t go to the police because they will be charged with manslaughter  so they devise a plan to throw the apparently dead victim off a peer into the ocean  in hopes no one will find him . julie is apprehensive about it  but is forced into it by barry . switch to exactly a year later  julie  still unable to come to terms with what she did  reluctantly returns home from college to find that all three of her old friends are still in the town because their career plans did not work out . almost immediately  julie recieves an ominous letter that simply reads  " i know what you did last summer  " and that is the start of their problems as they find themselves being terrorized by a mysterious figure dressed in fisherman gear and yielding a giant hook . " i know what you did last summer  " is a successful horror film for a number of reasons . the cinematography by denis crossan could very well be described as hitchcockian  as it put shadows  fog  steam  and other clever devices to add atmosphere to the proceedings . the characters  particularly julie and helen  are realistically written  and the film amazingly deals with their broken relationship in a few scenes  which is largely uncharacteristic in films of this sort . and last  the film creates a few dazzling and scary set - pieces that are some of the most memorable i ', ve seen in a horror movie  particularly the suspenseful  superbly shot sequence involving helen at her family ', s store with the killer inside with her . perhaps the best character is that of missy egan ( anne heche )  a lonely backwoods woman whose brother was the one julie thinks they hit . heche ', s performance is a standout  as she is able to create a full character in only about ten minutes of screen time . " i know what you did last summer  " could have been a great horror movie if not for a few problems . prinze jr . gives a performance to be desired here  and much of his dialogue sounds wooden coming out of his mouth . also  the climax of the film almost completely loses its frightening grip after it unveils the mystery killer  who is a decidedly bad actor and should not have been given any lines . luckily  the penultimate scene saves the disappointing finale  which includes an expertly crafted " jump - in - your - seat " scare . in the main roles  hewitt and gellar are highly talented  and hewitt  especially  is one of the best screamers i ', ve ever heard . she honestly could give jamie lee curtis a little competition for the best " scream queen . " and gellar is touching as a young woman who  in the course of one year  finds her dream of being an actress ultimately shattered . although not up to the level of either " scream " movies  or the more recent  " urban legend  " " i know what you did last summer " is a respectable  smartly - scripted slasher film that firmly proved good horror movies were once again being made .
pos labelling is sometimes everything . in original mad max  the opening title set the plot of the movie in near future  thus making it one of the science fiction classics  despite the future world being almost exactly like our own . walter hill wanted the same opening title for his action classic the warriors . producers weren ', t thrilled by that idea and consequently the movie lost all of its futuristic overtones . on the other hand  producers were right on the mark ; walter hill was accused of actually promoting some disturbing trends that were quite visible in contemporary america . to make the movie even more distant from future  plot was loosely based on anabasis  historical book written by xenophon  greek mercenary soldier who had described his adventures in ancient persia 2400 years ago . instead of ancient persia  movie begins in contemporary coney island  where cleon ( dorsey wright )  leader of the warriors  local youth gang  gets invitation to the great gathering of all youth gangs from the city . the gathering  organised by gramercy park riffs  most powerful gang in the city  is taking place in bronx . that is far away from warriors ', home territory  but small and unarmed delegation of the warriors gets there safely thanks to the general truce . on the gathering  cyrus ( roger hill )  charismatic leader of the riffs  announces his grand plan to unite all the gangs and take over the city . crowd is enthusiastic  but the small gang of rogues  led by psychopathic luther ( david patrick kelly ) uses the opportunity to assassinate cyrus . police simultaneously raids the gathering  and in the commotion warriors get blamed by the killing  and their leader gets killed by riffs . the remaining eight  led by cleon ', s lieutenant swann ( michael beck )  must now try to get to coney island  but this time unprotected by truce and instead being chased by all the gangs . upon its release  despite the controversies and even some youth riots that were allegedly inspired by it  the warriors enjoyed immense popularity and very quickly received some kind of a cult status . however  despite being one of the best movies of that year  and being directed by talented action director walter hill at the peak of his career  the movie failed to leave as strong impression to the future generations as some other cinematic achievements of that same year . the reason for that probably lies in a fact that this movie aged very quickly . if walter hill ', s idea was to warn the public about problems of urban america  he failed miserably . the future was much worse than his vision . the youth gangs  as presented in the warriors  are far from shadowy armies  able to take over entire cities . their members seem more interested in unorthodox fashion and their little petty feuds than such prosaic  and for the public more annoying  matters like crime . in their vocabulary  word " arms " is reserved for small knives and blunt objects  and only few of them use heavy artillery like handguns . they even have their own  very strict and detailed laws  upheld more strictly than some governments do with their own . many people in american cities would be more than happy to see their young criminals behaving like those in the warriors . some of the critics who accused hill of actually praising youth crime had a lot arguments in their favour . despite those objections  the warriors have all the elements of a very good film . the plot is simple  and serves as good basis for numerous action scenes . the fights are brilliantly choreographed and quite realistic  although there isn ', t much bloodshed or gore in the movie . editing is superb  events happen at quick pace  with the exception of middle  when boring moralistic exchanges between swann and his would - be - girlfriend mercy ( deborah van valkenburgh ) drag the plot from straight action to social drama territory . the soundtrack by barry de vorzon is very suggestive and recognisable . yet  the trademark of this film are the actors who showed great talent  although most of them later sunk into anonymity . best known of them is david patrick kelly  whose superb and original performance in this film later subscribed him to the roles of psychopathic villains . michael beck as cool  almost statesman - like leader of a gang  is also very good  and james remar gives good contrast as his hot - shot contender for top spot . all in all  this movie is perhaps dated  yet in its hour and half can give a lot more entertainment than most of the contemporary movies .
pos for those who associate italian cinema with fellini and " high art  " the son ', s room is an inventive  subtle alternative . written by  directed  and starring nanni moretti  it takes us through the slow  complicated path of bereavement . slow is the best description for the film at first . it takes its time in establishing the habits of what appears to be a normal  happy family . father and mother both work but still find the time to support their son and daughter through homework and after school activities . they laugh  spend free time together  and reprimand the kids for innocent wrongs with a sigh and soft pat on the shoulder . you get the feeling there is open communication and unconditional love amongst the foursome . but suddenly  the son is found to be dead after a diving accident . the family dynamics begin an unpredictable descent that gives the narrative strength when you least expect it  but can also be trying on the attention span . though the film drags and even repeats itself  this can be somewhat excused as influenced by the process of grieving . though nanni moretti wore several hats for this production  it doesn ', t come across as a vanity piece . one might wish he hadn ', t picked the profession of analyst for the father  giovanni ( which he stars as )  if only because this makes his character ', s reactions so predictable . what saves it is a well written script  with spare dialogue and an eclectic variety of human interaction . the potency of the film lies in the recreation of the tiny details of everyday life that alter due to the death of a close relative  or that remind a depressed person of loss . you start to take notice of the cracked dishes  ignored when familial bliss was in full swing . you remember bonding during the routine jogs around the block  and not necessarily huge events like graduation . even better are the role reversals that take place within the household . while giovanni and paola ( laura morante ) do check up on their daughter irene ( jasmine trinca )  there is a sense of being on autopilot . not only does irene begin to take care of her own needs more  she ', ll make her parents breakfast in an attempt to crack their new shells to life around them . these scenes provide interesting portrayals of various coping mechanisms  frequently crossing a boundary as to how much you can help yourself versus others during drastic  unexpected change . respectfully  gender issues never enter the picture . self - propelled isolation is universal in terms of dealing  so moretti intelligently uses this tool to separate the family . though giovanni does stop paolo from discussing andrea at a party with friends  there is never a sense that he or she is more stoic  or more correct in the search to restore a sense of a balance to their lives . most films that broach the topic of death utilize annoying melodrama  speeches  and conciliatory issues to get the waterworks flowing . in contrast  the son ', s room captures a more realistic depiction of the effects of death on a family by graciously flowing among the five stages of mourning ( denial  depression  anger  bargaining  acceptance ) through each of its main characters . it ', s not the most engaging 100 minutes  but it is certainly easy to relate to .
pos the word ', rest ', in the title should be stressed since this is a movie that lacks any action scenes at all . what does takes place is more based on character development . the film starts right in the middle of the lives of four people : nick  beth  carol and sid . what they have done earlier is for the most part only hinted at . nick and beth have a relationship and have decided to move from enfield  arizona to butte  montana . ( and i who thought that butte was pronounced slightly different . . . ) carol is nick ', s ex - girlfriend and beth ', s best friend  sid is a joint - smoking painter that comes to repaint their house before the new tenants move in . obviously based on a stage play  the problem with the movie is that there ', s a lot of things left out . it ', s not obvious that nick and beth are in love with each other  the reason why nick was fired from his job isn ', t mentioned . and why nick suddenly decide to go visit his parents remain a mystery  when he hasn ', t seen them for many years . set in a small ( fictional ? ) town in arizona was a good move  since this makes the film focus on the four characters and not on their surroundings . the name of the city is not important  this could take place anywhere with four young people in a house discussing life and the future . particularly impressive is bridget fonda as beth who end up in bed with sid when her fiance nick leaves her . not an actress that i have found interesting earlier or seen many pictures with  but i ', ll keep an eye on her in the future . interesting trivia : this was rated r in the us but rated ', barntill ? ten ', in sweden wich means that anyone at any age can see it .
pos airplane ! is considered among many to be the epitome of satire film - making . after all  it ', s brought to us by one of the best known satire writing / directing teams . even if most people don ', t recognize the names behind the films  they are bound to recognize the titles : airplane !  top secret  the naked gun  and hot shots to name a few . but although the zucker / abrahams / zucker team was first introduced with the kentucky fried movie in 1977  airplane ! remains the true cornerstone of their work  and their directorial debuts . in the seventies  disaster films seemed to be at an all time high . films like earthquake  the towering inferno  and the poseidon adventure were big hits . there was also a series about the disasters that can arise when traveling by plane - a series that spanned the entire decade . and so  in 1980  we were introduced to a new airplane disaster film . this time the disaster had nothing to do with a maniacal hijacker or crashing into the ocean . . . it had to do with bad fish . airplane ! is the story of ted striker ( robert hays ) - an ex - fighter - pilot who has never gotten over the fact that a decision he had to make in the midst of war led to the death of six  er  seven comrades . unable to stop living in the past  ted ', s world fell apart . he spent his time moving from city to city without ever having a stable job  and eventually  as we begin this film  is getting dumped by his lover  flight attendant elaine dickinson ( julie hagerty ) . in a desperate attempt not to lose her  ted buys a ticket for the same flight elaine is working . unfortunately  she is unsympathetic and even criticizes ted for following her  which leaves him wallowing in self - pity . in the midst of it all  something happens . someone gets sick . then another . then another . soon  the whole plane is full of deathly - ill chicago - bound people . . . and when the pilots get sick ( played by peter graves  kareem abdul - jabbar  and frank ashmore )  who will save the day ? ( gee  i wonder ) of course the main draw here is the non - stop " whiz - bang " comedy  with a hefty dose of both visual and spoken gags . although i had seen this movie a few times before  i was still laughing thru the entire thing . the most fun character by far is the doctor  played by leslie nielsen . he ', s a dry  subtle  sterotypically straight - faced doctor that ends up saying some of the funniest lines of the film . in a film like this  you ', re not really expecting an elaborate production  so one can ', t complain about the amateurish quality . what you can complain about is the absolutely annoying johnny  played by stephen stucker . this character is pointless  nauseating  and very unfunny . i don ', t know why he was put in there  and i don ', t think anybody will find a good excuse . and when the film nears an end  it slows down quite a bit  almost getting old . you gotta give it to a movie that only runs 88 minutes and can feel two hours long . aside from that  airplane ! is really a top - notch spoof that will likely forever be known as a spoof classic . it would be a good choice to pop in the vcr with a group of friends  especially if they haven ', t seen it . and if they ask what the plot is  just tell ', em " it ', s a synopsis of the basic storyline of the film  but that ', s not important right now . " if you ', ve seen the film  you ', ll understand ; - )
pos this is the movie not the perfume . a slow moving  stylish psychological thriller in imitation of hitchcock ', s vertigo . it is adapted from an original story by brian de palma and paul schrader  and is directed by de palma and scripted by schrader . set in new orleans  1959  it shows the wealthy michael courtland ( cliff robertson ) sitting on top of the world  celebrating his tenth wedding anniversary with a party in his mansion  as his lovely wife elizabeth ( genevi ? ve bujold ) and young daughter amy ( blackman )  both look up to him beaming with joy . his real - estate development partner bob la salle ( john lithgow ) proposes a toast to him and to their prosperous business  while his high society friends give him their best wishes . upon retiring for the night  his daughter and wife are kidnapped in their bedroom and he is left with a ransom note to deliver $ 500  000 tomorrow or they will be killed . inspector brie ( stanley reyes ) comes up with a plan to put in phony money and a transmitter in the briefcase exchange  as that will lead them to the kidnappers . but the kidnappers burst out of the house surrounded by the police  taking the two victims with them and in the pursuing police chase  the kidnapper ', s car explodes and goes over the bridge  where none of the bodies were found . grieving the loss of his wife and child  the guilt - ridden michael builds them a tomb on the expensive land they were to develop . sixteen years later he goes with his partner bob on a vacation and he revisits florence  italy  where he met his wife . when he goes to the church where they met  he sees a young girl who looks exactly like his wife . her name is sandra portinari ( genevi ? ve bujold ) and she ', s working there restoring art that is decaying . he falls instantly in love with her and doesn ', t heed bob ', s warnings that she might be a gold digger and decides to take her back to new orleans and marry her . sandra becomes his second chance to prove his love  as he thinks he can finally put the past behind him . the surprises to come weren ', t really all that surprising  as the beauty in the storytelling is almost exclusively in the understated acting by the soul stricken cliff robertson  the emotionally impactful performance by genevi ? ve bujold  and the competent acting of john lithgow . it plays too much like a rehash of the master ', s work  to break any new ground  yet it is still thrilling in its own way .
pos the farrelly brothers ', third film  after dumb and dumber ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) and kingpin ( 8 / 10 )  brings together the real - life couple of cameron diaz and matt dillon  some nasty humour  a cute dog  and a mix of love  fate and romance . plot : high - school nerd ted gets lucky when the cutest girl in his class asks him to the prom . unfortunately for ted  he accidentally gets a part of his male anatomy ( ouch ! ) caught in his zipper  and misses the big night . thirteen years later  ted still can ', t get mary out of his mind  and hires a private detective ( dillon ) to find her . once found  it turns out that mary has more than one suitor  and that ', s when the real fun begins . critique : likeable comedy with a few extremely funny scenes  some funny looking people  and a plot that won ', t ever put you to sleep . having said that  i must admit that i did like the farrellys ', two previous films more than this one  but that is saying a lot  since i really did love those earlier pics . this one is also quite funny  but it didn ', t really blow me away like the others . then again  maybe my expectations were too high . then again  maybe i should shut up  and write a little more about the film  and less about my supposed subconscious reasons for liking / disliking the film . continuing where their other pictures left off  the farrellys ', create a cutesy world of people with strange and endearing qualities  and a simple plot by which to tie them all together . this one also includes plenty of toilet humour  but also some borderline fun - making of the disabled and mentally - challenged . i must admit that i really wasn ', t sure whether to laugh at some points or not . not a good place to be . having said that  the scenes that did tear through the audience  and yours truly  were extremely hilarious  and went on for several minutes after the punchline . the laughter practically killed out the next scene for one of the best ones in the movie ( something to do with hair gel ) . on the negative end  i did not like the musical interludes of jonathan richman that ran through the entire picture . i found them quite useless  unfunny and distracting . also  i found that a lot of the funnier scenes had already been shown in the film ', s trailer . and of course  i never quite buy the fact that these beautiful  intelligent  single women still can ', t seem to find the " right guy " ( see kiss the girls ( 7 / 10 ) . i did really like all of the actors in the film  especially ben stiller  who appears to be solidifying his mark as a great comical actor with this picture and one of my favourites from 1996  flirting with disaster ( 8 / 10 ) . i also liked matt dillon with his big teeth  and lee evans with his superb faux - sympathy british accent . funny stuff . also  make sure that you stay for the credits  because there is an entire montage of outtakes from the film that plays under a lip - synched version of " build me up buttercup "  which is really cool . overall  a cute comedy with a decent premise  and a few particularly hilarious scenes . little known facts : the farrellys big break came when they somehow got a copy of their script " dust to dust " into the hands of eddie murphy via ? murphy ', s neighbour . they only found out about murphy ', s interest  when they saw eddie mention the script on the david letterman show one night . matt dillon is a high school dropout . in between acting gigs  dillon has branched out into the restaurant business . close to home in his native new york  he co - owns both a bar called the whiskey and a swanky uptown eatery called the falls . cameron diaz stands 5 " 9  started working as a model at the early age of 16  and loves cats . ben stiller ', s father is jerry stiller . he played george costanza ', s ( jason alexander ) father on tv ', s " seinfeld " . peter farrelly has written a novel entitled " outside providence " which is currently being filmed starring alec baldwin . rob moran  who plays the cop in this film  also played the millionaire bowler in kingpin  and the bartender in dumb and dumber . he is old friends with the farrelly brothers from college  and is currently married to entertainment tonight anchor / correspondant julie moran . harland williams  who plays the nutty hitchhiker in this film  also played a state trooper in the farrelly ', s earlier dumb and dumber  and was the star of the unfortunate rocket man .
pos when jim henson passed away  he left behind diverse legions of fans and a company whose ultimate success  it now seems  hinged on his input . jim henson productions and the creature shop are still thriving financially  but as the last two muppet films ( or that silly computer - generated monkey from lost in space ) demonstrate  the thrill and genius are gone . i ', m not sure the dark crystal  made today  would generate from an audience of kids five to fifty the same awe - filled response . an all - powerful crystal has cracked  causing the leaders of the green world to split apart into two beings : the big  gentle mystics  and the vulture - like skeksis . the mystics send jen  a naive gelfling boy  on a mission to find the shard that cracked away  which must be reinserted into the crystal before the skeksis become eternal rulers  before the great " conjunction " of three suns . along the way  jen encounters and teams up with the only other gelfling alive  the rebecca demornay - like kira  an ogre - witch named aughra  who removes her eyes to look at things  and a spastic - but - friendly  tumbleweed - like animal named fizzgig . much of the beauty in the dark crystal  which is a simple tale ( though it does not condescend to any viewer )  lies in its art direction and creature design . the puppeteering is phenomenal -- observe the scenes in which jen plays his flute  or the landwalker chase -- but i must stress that any thoughts of strings and hands and remote controls all but vanish in the opening moments of the picture  a delicately - narrated ( by john baddeley )  absorbing prologue . the voice work in the film  by muppet regulars and irregulars  is tone - perfect . as well  trevor jones ', score should not be discounted : it contributes to the film almost as an unseen character . i suppose  due to the complexity involved in executing a movie of this nature  that it couldn ', t be helped  but i wish the film was longer . jen and kira have wonderful . . . well  chemistry  and more scenes of them quietly conversing would have been appreciated . the dark crystal has a very small cult following . the weaker labyrinth is probably better - known  which is upsetting . a friend of mine related a story to me that henson was pressured into planting humans among labyrinth ', s creatures due to the financial failure of people - less the dark crystal . that film never quite found its footing ; it played like an acid - trip episode of " the muppet show " with david bowie as guest - host  borrowing from tolkien and pandering to tolkien ', s fan - base . ( i suppose i just made labyrinth sound appetizing to a certain sector of the public . ) the dark crystal deserved ( and still deserves ) a bigger audience . it ', s the best kind of children ', s entertainment : elegant  fantastical  and courageously un - hip . brian henson  fortunate son  keep looking back at this  your father ', s masterpiece .
pos bob the happy bastard ', s quickie review : the mummy brendan fraser ', s stuck in the past again  but at least this time he has something better to do than to quote sitcom lines and try to woo alicia silverstone . . . fraser is the lead star of the mummy  the second directorial effort from action director stephen sommers ( who also brought us the decent thrill ride that was deep rising ) . it ', s a rough adaptation of the 1932 film  and i say rough because it focuses more on special effects than on some guy in bandages  like boris karloff was engulfed in . but who cares  the movie has a sort of swashbuckling quality to it you can ', t get from  oh  say  godzilla or armageddon . fraser plays a soldier who gets a premonition during a battle with soldiers in an egyptian ground . basically  it ', s a little sign from the mummy buried underneath - a priest named ihmoetep who was buried alive for taking part of murdering the king and making out with his mistress . his plan - wake back up and wake her up also  making him invincible . of course  fraser returns to the site years later with a librarian ( rachel weisz ) and her brother ( john hanna )  along with a former buddy of his ( deep rising ', s kevin j . o ', connor ) and some " americans " . . . and guess what ? yup  ihmoetep ( arnold vosloo ) awakens and wreaks havoc . fire flies from the sky  flesh - eating beetles crawl about  and  well  ihmoetep ', s plan begins to unfold . ok  so it ', s not really all that new a story  but the way sommers tells it is entertaining enough . the special effects from industrial light and magic are top notch  and the acting from fraser and weisz isn ', t half bad either . the action is pretty intense ( favorite scene : the sandstorm ) and there are a few shocking scenes just to jolt you horror - loving folks as well . no  it ', s no phantom menace beater  but if you ', re looking for a solid warm - up to the summer movie season  you won ', t find a better film under wraps than the mummy . if this doesn ', t give fraser forgiveness from blast from the past and encino man  then nothing will .
pos the laserman : somehow the title of writer - director - producer peter wang ', s film conjures up images of superheroes  like ultraman and spiderman . you kind of expect an adventure flick about a crime fighter who can shoot laser beams from his fingertips . as it turns out  the laserman _is_ about crime and about laser beams  but there aren ', t any superheroes . instead  wang ', s film is populated by a group of refreshingly off - beat characters living in the ultimate cultural melting pot : new york city . the laserman is a comic brew which celebrates ethnicity  eccentricity  and electricity . the film tells the bizarre story of arthur weiss ( marc hayashi )  a chinese - american laser scientist whose life becomes incredibly hectic after he accidentally kills his lab assistant in an experiment . he loses his job but finds work with a mysterious company which secretly plans to use laser technology to commit dastardly deeds . arthur ', s professional life is cluttered with moral dilemmas . his personal life  on the other hand  is cluttered with colorful friends and quirky relatives . in fact  arthur is by far the blandest character in the film  despite a charismatic performance by hayashi ( the san francisco - based actor whose films include chan is missing and the karate kid ii ) . it ', s the auxiliary characters who give the laserman its unique spark . arthur ', s not - so - typical jewish mother  ruth  for example  is convinced that a chinese soul is trapped in her jewish body . she has dyed her red hair black  she takes herbal medicine daily  and she is perpetually cooking up strange delicacies  such as matzo balls in soy sauce -- the ultimate fusion of jewish and chinese cuisine . veteran stage actress joan copeland takes the part and runs with it  almost stealing the movie in the process . she plays ruth as a driven woman  determined to overcome her genetic heritage by immersing herself in chinese culture . arthur ', s girlfriend janet ( maryann urbano ) is a kooky free - spirit who would rather meditate than copulate ; her ultimate goal is orgasm through zen meditation . arthur ', s best friend  joey ( tony leung )  is a small time thief who hustles everything from microwave ovens to machine guns . joey is married to arthur ', s jewish sister  but he is also having an affair with a chinese immigrant who works in a whore house . arthur ', s 11 - year - old son  jimmy  played by the amazingly adorable david chan  is -- horror of horrors -- bad at math ! he finds it impossible to meet his father ', s lofty expectations . the various people in arthur ', s life come together to form a rich tapestry of humanity . like wang ', s earlier film  a great wall ( about a san francisco family visiting relatives in china )  the laserman revolves around cultural differences . every character in the film is  in some way or another  trying to find his identity -- struggling to negotiate a balance between his native culture and the american way . the movie also offers a provocative look at technology . wang appears in the movie as lieutenant lu  a detective who is fed up with machines  even though he relies on them to do his job . the film views technology with a wary eye  acknowledging its necessity while at the same time realizing its potential dangers . wang raises the time - honored question of whether scientists should be held responsible for their inventions . was einstein responsible for the a - bomb ? is arthur weiss responsible for his lasers ? the movie pits spirituality against technology  man against machine  and the result is a draw . according to the film  technology has its place  but we must employ it with great forethought and caution . ironically  by its very nature  the laserman is a triumph of technology -- the technology of filmmaking . wang ', s direction is exquisite  especially during the tense finale in which the director frantically cross - cuts between the various subplots  perhaps in homage to d . w . griffith . cinematographer ernest dickerson  who has worked on all of spike lee ', s films  gives the laserman a distinctive  artistic look . mason daring ', s score  which includes a send - up of bach  is right on target . the laserman is an ambitious endeavor  which is to be applauded  but it ', s sometimes ambitious to a fault . wang serves up so many slices of life in the film that it ', s hard to digest them all . for instance  one character ( arthur ', s sister ) has negligible screen time  and consequently we just don ', t care about her marital problems . in weaving his web  wang has included a few too many strands . overall  however  the laserman is a charmingly eclectic concoction . on the surface  the film is a light and bouncy comedy - thriller  overflowing with whimsical humor and visual style . the heavier issues emerge only when you take a deeper look at the film . you can ponder the moral questions or you can just sit back and enjoy the absurdity of life in china town .
pos imagine this . you ', re given a sword and a shield and very basic  minimal training . a man you don ', t know tells you that this will be the last day that you will live . you are thrown into an arena with thousands of spectators wanting to see you die . you frantically monitor several closed doors which  in seconds  will release vicious enemies prepared to destroy you . you watch as the innocent friends you made in the last few days are murdered in cold blood . if you are lucky enough to survive this chaos thrown at you  you know you ', re going to have to do it all over again tomorrow . eventually know matter how strong or skilled you are  you ', re going to die . this is the life of a gladiator . you ', ll never have to be a gladiator and after seeing ridley scott ', s powerful gladiator  you ', ll be thankful for that . with his new film  scott has returned cinema to the fascinating age of the ancient roman empire . and like those preceding it  spartacus and ben hur  gladiator has nearly everything going for it - a strong lead actor  a wonderful supporting cast  eye - catching special effects  and a great script . since the two aforementioned films came out before the prime target viewers of gladiator ( teenagers to thirty - year - old males ) were around  a whole new genre may just be reborn and revisited . > from a weak beginning  the film starts off extremely gloomy and inauspicious . rome ', s best general maximus ( russell crowe )  who has helped the empire conquer nearly everywhere they have attempted  is currently ( in the year 180 a . d . that is ) waging a war against germania . scott shoots the gory battle in an awkward style  similar to that of saving private ryan but much less effective . it ', s blurry  in slow motion  and the sound is muted . as soon as this artistic method began  it was hard to tell what was what and who was who . it ', s a good thing scott stops this after the first twenty minutes or else gladiator would have been torture to watch . instead  the general swears he will get out after this battle . he wants to go back to his family and his crops  he wants a quiet life . but  unexpectedly  he gets anything but that . the dying emperor of rome  marcus aurelius ( richard harris )  decides to have maximus appointed new emperor of rome once he dies . he asks maximus to restore the republic by giving more power to the senators . all of this does not go well for aurelius ', son  commodus ( joaquin phoenix ) who was expecting his father to name him the new emperor . jealous and upset  commodus kills his own father  names himself emperor  kills maximus ', wife and son  and attempts to kill maximus . but maximus is able to escape his own death and vows to kill commodus and fulfill marcus aurelius ', wishes . now a slave  the only way he can win his own freedom and complete his goal is to become a winning gladiator  who eventually are released for their success . a story of betrayal and promises  gladiator is more than just a mindless action flick . you actually care about the characters  sometimes even the evil villain commodus  who is just a young man as determined to make rome one way as maximus is determined to make it the other way . phoenix plays his character brilliantly . think of commodus as the percy wetmore ( of pant - wetter the green mile ) of the roman empire - a whiny  sleazy  " respect - me - because - my - father - was - a - good - man " brat who hates when he ', s not the center of attention . every scene we see commodus  he ', s either crying or he looks like he has just been crying . phoenix has definitely matured as an actor since to die for  and gladiator shows he ', s more than just river ', s little brother . crowe is also excellent as the film ', s grisly - faced hero . maximus is one of the few characters in recent cinema who actually has emotions . this guy actually acts like a anyone in his situation would act  he ', s no invincible superhero who only blurts out one - liners  he ( believe it or not ) acts like a human being ! the rest of the cast  including richard harris  djimon hounsou  walter hill  derek jacobi  and connie nielsen are also first rate . ridley scott  using outstanding special effects  has brilliantly recreated the roman coliseum  the loudness of the roman mob  and the city of rome in general . the visuals are breathtaking and voluminous  like a cleopatra of the year 2000 . the costuming is also wonderful from the detailed shields and armor to the exquisite dress of the upper - class politicians . gladiator is another movie you have to see on the big screen to get the most out of the experience . along with u - 571  action fans should have plenty to see in theaters this week and should expect much more excitement to come this summer of 2000 .
pos so here is the second of 1999 ', s remakes of classic horror movies . the first was the dumb  pathetic but ok remake of the classic ', the haunting ', . now comes the highly awaited remake of house on haunted hill . the classic which starred vincent price as a man who pays a group of people 100  000 to stay in his house . if they survive the night they get the money . if not well you get the jurisdiction . having not yet seen the film ( dvd on its way ) i wasn ', t sure if i would really like the remake . but sure enough it comes through and has a great storyline to fall back on . geoffrey rush ( in a fantastic role with an incredible performance ) is steven price  the owner of an amusement park destined to scare the wits out of people . his wife evelyn price is throwing a party with her friends . steven dismays at the idea and makes his own list . somehow someone  or something changes that list and five other people are invited to the party . eddie ( taye diggs ) an ex - baseball player  sarah ( ali carter ) an ex - assistant who can re - wire anything  melissa ( brigette wilson ) a talk - show host in sorts  dr . blackburn ( peter ghallager )  and watson ( chris kattan ) a smart - mouthed humorist in ways . what he is gonna do is pay these five people 1  000  000 dollars if they can survive through the night . if they can they get the money  if not well they don ', t . the house on haunted hill used to be an insane asylum . years before mental patients broke out and killed the dr . there  forcing him to lock the place up because if he died  so did they . everyone who was in there burned to death . now it is steven price ', s home and he is throwing this party for these five people . what starts out as a seemingly normal night  turns into a horrifying  blood splattering night . the deep dark secrets of what really happened in that asylum and why those guests are actually there are revealed . one - by - one the people start to disappear . conspiracies start to turn up  and steven price finds out that his house may be alive after all . the people find rooms  which once held mental patients . rooms which once had people dying . rooms which may still contain these people . now these five people must try and survive the night and try and survive the house  and they must survive each other with terrorfying results . since i officially haven ', t seen the original i can ', t say which is better . i can say however i liked this movie . geoffrey rush gives a one in a million performance as the rich steven price  and does a great job doing a vincent price role . famke jansen as his wife was great and even kind of eerie at times . ali carter and taye diggs sort of become the main characters and ali carter who debuted in varsity blues gives a fantastic performance here as does taye diggs . chris kattan gives us great comic relief and the movie contains a lot of comical lines . peter ghallager and brigette wilson were great as well and gave commanding performances as potential victims . the plot was well conceived and was very absorbing . the movie has atmosphere the whole way through that is disturbing and creepy  and even sometimes downright scary . i found even the opening credits to me a little ominous . one thing i knew not to expect was a ', haunting ', type movie with special effects galore . even though it had fantastic gore and special effects  the movie has only a 19 million dollar budget  which doesn ', s show all the way through but you can tell . the movie was written well  and it ', s only major flaw is the under - developed characters and plot holes that we are left with . the ending is quite clever and some may not even get it . i must say house on haunted hill was a surprise . i was expecting another haunting with special effects  no scares and a dumb ending . instead i found a good halloween movie with gore  scares and great acting . house on haunted hill is one of those movies you really can ', t take seriously . though it is a well - made movie with a good storyline it still has some flaws . but besides that the movie is fun  smart and scary and makes us wonder why remakes like this can ', t be made all the time !
pos apollo 13 is simply one of the most dramatic film this summer ( apart from swashbuckling braveheart ) . director ( and former actor ) ron howard ( splash  backdraft  far & away )  most noted for his dramatic film making  displays again his brilliance in creating drama and suspense in apollo 13 . being the second largest box office hit in the us this summer ( with more than us $ 150 million in the states alone )  this film is his most successful effort yet . perhaps one of the most appealing feature of this film is the pool of talented actors such as tom hanks ( gump himself )  kevin bacon ( footloose  tremors  a few good men etc . )  gary sinise ( forrest gump )  bill paxton ( aliens  true lies  boxing helena ) and ed harris ( the abyss  just cause ) . . all of whom gave good performances in their respective roles . apollo 13 was the second worst accident ever to occur in the history of us spaceflight ( the worst being the challenger accident ) . jim lovell ( hanks )  the mission commander  together with his crew  fred haise ( paxton ) and last minute replacement tom swigert ( bacon ) are put to the ultimate test when part of their command module explodes on the third day of the mission  more than three quarters way to the moon . suspense and drama ensue as the three men are left in space with their spaceship out of control and the problem of surviving the journey home . . . if they ever reach it . ed harris and gary sinise who play  respectively  the man in charge of the entire mission control and the astronaut who was supposed to fly but was diagnosed with measles  both delve into their roles superbly . audiences are shown the chaotic and worrisome state of the entire ground control crew  as they frantically attempt to come up with ideas on how to save the astronauts from hurtling into space . also  there are quite a number of real news footages which were broadcast during the accident which took the entire us nation into 5 days of drama in 1970 . the special effects by digital domain are up to standard and the music suits the suspense and drama very well  thanks to film - music maestro james horner . watch out for the launching sequence  it is simply one of the most breathtaking scenes of the film . a bad point though : apollo 13 features much technical jargon and many physics concepts in its script . those who consider themselves ` scientifically illiterate ', might have a slight problem understanding what caused this and what caused that during the course of the show . this is however  just a minor point  just forget all those technical bullshit and immerse yourselves into the drama and suspense throughout the film . you should enjoy it .
pos in _daylight_  sylvester stallone breaks no new ground  cinematically speaking  but he covers familiar territory quite well . yesterday  as i was going about my business in the university bookstore  i noticed this stand with these _daylight_ movie posters on it . i had never heard of the movie  so i stopped by to check it out . it turned out that they were giving away free passes to the movie for people who had or applied for the credit card they were offering . so  i shrugged  thought  " hey  they probably won ', t give me the card anyway  and i could always use a free movie  " so i signed up . all in all  i don ', t think i got that bad of a deal  either . rob cohen  who has previously brought us such films as _dragon : the bruce lee story_ and  more recently  _dragonheart_ ( gee  i wonder if he likes dragons for some reason ? you think ? )  now brings us a very nicely executed disaster picture  with fx by industrial light and magic  about the after - effects of an explosion that collapses a busy tunnel between new york and new jersey . sylvester stallone plays kit latura  who is essentially a carbon copy of the character he played in _cliffhanger_ : a paramedic on the outs because he made a mistake that got people killed . when the crisis hits  he is in the right place at the right time and takes it upon himself to go in and get everybody out . there are other similarities to _cliffhanger_  too ; perhaps the only real difference is that _cliffhanger_ had a villain  where _daylight_ ', s bad guy is mother nature . in fact  had the two movies been made in hong kong  this might have been titled _cliffhanger ii_ -- it bears the same relationship to that film that most hk film " sequels " do to their predecessors . the first half - hour of _daylight_ is setup . subplots are woven  and the mechanism of the disaster is assembled . we meet all the important people . . . toxic waste disposal truck drivers ; a young  frustrated  jilted  rejected playwright ; a family struggling to stay together ; an older couple and their dog ; a truckload of prisoners ; an ad agency executive ; a tunnel police officer ; stallone ; and others . we watch the trucks trundle toward their destination ; we watch stallone and so many others driving toward the tunnel for their various reasons . and then  thirty minutes into the film  _boom_ . and it ', s a big one . > from there on in  it ', s sly stallone to the rescue . and rescue he does  enduring batterings  beatings  falls  repeated immersion in 34 - degree water  explosions  mud  rats  and constant setbacks  before going on to save the day  sly - style . again . . . there ', s nothing new here . and yet there doesn ', t need to be . the fun of _daylight_ is not in the story but in the execution . the special - effects are first - rate  thanks to industrial light and magic  and the ensemble cast works well together . once the film hits its stride  it carries the viewer right along to the finish  with very few jars along the way . this review is copyright 1996 by christopher e . meadows . permission granted for distribution through rec . arts . movies . reviews and all associated archival . permission granted for free redistribution via cyberspace as long as this message remains attached . all other rights reserved to the author .
pos perhaps the most dramatic changes in the motion picture industry in this decade have to do with special effects . there is no question that action - adventure and science - fiction / action movies are now judged by the character of their light and noise . whereas classic adventure pics of the last twenty years  such as raiders of the lost ark  were made in grand traditional fashion ; contemporary films like jurassic park are multimillion - dollar creations of computer technology . the latest in this visually awesome series of movies  the wachowski brothers ', the matrix  is a testament to the skilled use of special effects and its ability to enhance a movie ', s story . unlike many sci - fi movies which promote themselves as effects - heavy blockbusters but fail to deliver on that promise  the matrix is a carefully constructed special effects event . it runs 135 minutes in length and employs a countless number of computerized tricks which range from gimmick to grandiose  and the quality of the effects remains constant throughout the film ', s length . contrary to popular trend  the matrix commits itself to being a spectacle of light and sound . in this regard  the movie is something like a card sharp . with its flashy mass stripped away  the matrix would be quite shallow and untalented . the script is characteristically weak  and the dialogue suffers in lieu of a far more innovative visual approach . but  like the card sharp  the matrix wows its audience to such a high degree that actual content is irrelevent . the viewers don ', t care about what the matrix has to say as long as the next special effects sequence is right around the corner . and right around the corner they usually are  for the script tells a fast - paced  albeit frequently revisited story . as the movie explains  the world as we know it is nothing but an elaborate computer program constructed by an artificial intelligence for the purpose of placating mankind . billions of human beings lie in this dormant state while the intelligence -- the matrix -- " farms " our life energy . only a select group of individuals knows of the " real " world  and a particularly ingenious squad of these rebels is led by ultra - cool morpheus ( laurence fishburne ) . morpheus and his crew recruit a computer expert named neo ( keanu reeves )  believing he is a prophesied individual who will help them overthrow the matrix and return peace to earth . the cast plays out this story in stylish fashion . the set design is very dynamic  running the gambit between cramped and dreary to bright and airy . the costumes  as well as the actors who wear them  add to the roles . for instance  the manifested antagonists in the movie  a group of " agents " created by the matrix in its computer program  all dress in matching secret servicewear ; the rebel fighters  on the other hand  dress in rich hues of leather . the casting cannot be criticized  for the typically stoic reeves isn ', t required to say much and laurence fishburne gets plenty of time to be so damn cool . supports in carrie - anne moss  joe pantoliano  and hugo weaving are all effectual . one of the best comparisons to thw matrix is last year ', s science fiction masterpiece dark city  particularly if one ponders how this same premise would ', ve worked from a different approach . the alex proyas film was far more dark and introspective  requiring a bit of thought before themes became clear ; here  the wachowski brothers have managed to construct a thrill - ride motion picture with little abandon and much noise . the better picture between the two depends on the viewer  but the key to the success of the matrix is that the noise did not get in the way of the fun .
pos let me open this one with a confession : i love cop movies . i adore them with such an unwavering  near foolish passion that i was actually one of the first in line to see 1998 ', s one tough cop starring the smirkiest of the baldwin brothers  steven . was it any good ? well  just about as good as baldwin ', s steven seagal impression ( for those i ', ve confused the answer is a resounding no ! ) . now let me clarify  i don ', t love just any cop movie ; i ', m not too keen on the smug buddy cop flicks that were so in vogue in the 80 ', s and now slowly ( gulp ) returning thanks to jackie chan and chris tucker . i ', m partial to those gritty  earthy cop dramas like serpico  donnie brasco  and the french connection . problem is these films come along just about as often as george w . bush makes a cogent point so whenever a " true " cop movie does hit multiplexes  i come running towards it like an eager puppy ? ? ? and inevitably i leave  head bowed  tripping over my squiggly tail . so what is it about cop movies that transform me into a moron willing to shell out $ 7 . 50 for a movie called one tough cop ( which actually sounds a lot like a wiseguy spin - off  no ? ) ? truth is i ', m a sucker for those barren streets  that gritty  graffiti strewn modernist jungle where dangerous criminals lurk and cops  like modern day knights  must shield us from their iniquitous clutches . yes it ', s all very corny and awfully boys clubish  which  i ', m guessing  is precisely where these feelings come from . as little tots us boys are brought up to create our own wars with gi joe ', s  enact cops and robbers or cowboy and indian fantasies  etc . the best gritty cop films tap into those gleeful adolescent fantasies  and heighten them  turning it all into an existential nightmare of thin moral lines and psychological chaos . as an adult my tastes haven ', t changed all that drastically ; sure i can get a cerebral high from the emotional complexities of a krzysztof kieslowski film  but i still delight at the promise a " guy " film could potentially bring . now what if it ', s the cops who ', re the corrupt ones ? ooh that one really gets me going  these protectors using all that at their service  taking advantage of others for their own gain . throw a courtroom drama ( yech ! ) into the pot and you have the tremendously absorbing sidney lumet film prince of the city . how absorbing is prince of the city  you ask ? so damn absorbing that when the film shifts from gritty undercover cop drama to courtroom drama ( a sub - genre i loath the way kristy swanson must loath sarah michelle gellar ) i remained completely and utterly involved . the film stars treat williams  who gives the kind of performance that should have skyrocketed his career up to the level that brad pitt currently resides at . since i was hatched a mere two years prior to the release of prince of the city  i cannot provide an answer as to why it didn ', t . ( though judging from his recent roles in tripe like deep rising and dead heat i would guess that it probably has something to do with quite a few bad career moves ) . like mickey rourke and eric roberts ( both of whom are currently doing time in direct to video purgatory ) williams is a talented leading man who didn ', t make it to where he should have . ( if there was any justice in this dog gone world keanu reeves would be the one banished to direct to video hell ) . here  the actor is given a role not all that dissimilar from al pacino ', s in serpico ( also directed by lumet ) . williams plays danny ciello  a member of an elite squad of police officers who take down drug dealers on the gritty pre - juliani streets of new york . they work without uniforms or hours much like paid vigilantes . and that analogy is more than apt seeing as how the bunch are kinda sorta forced into using corrupt means to get the job done . the squad relies entirely on informants ( low level junkies ) to gain access to the big wigs  and in order to obtain the info they seek  they sometimes have to provide the junkies with the junk of their choice . danny has done this  and though he ', s a fairly honorable guy  who took the job in order to do good  his intentions have gotten a bit skewed along the way . he seeks redemption and concludes that the best way to go about getting it is by talking to internal affairs who then convince him to go undercover as a " double agent " . he does so with one condition : he will not rat on his partners . right away we know that that is exactly what he ', ll have to do . and watching the movie build to that is thrilling in the way that any great character driven story can be . undercover cop films are almost innately exciting  even the kind that pull out all the cliches ( like in too deep ) . how can one not be moved by the issues of betrayal  ambiguity  and the danger in putting oneself in such a risky position ? prince of the city takes all this and charges it with a perceptive  hard boiled script and taut unintrusive direction by old pro sidney lumet  as well as a handful of intense performances  most notably by treat . lumet ', s greatest contribution to the movie is how he lays back  and lets the camera soak up the action . his scenes transition rapidly from one to the next building layers of tension  and he rarely holds for reaction shots  instead he clicks away at precisely the moment a character stops yakking . lumet ', s worst tendency is one that many film makers ( especially oliver stone ) tend to overuse : he relies a little too heavily on actors shouting their lines at each other presumably in order to ratchet up the tension . this isn ', t as much a problem here as it was in night falls on manhattan  lumet ', s most recent cop \\ lawyer endeavor  a movie that nearly gave me an ulcer from just watching . though of late lumet has made several really awful career choices ( maybe he and treat should get together for a drink or something )  the most recent a completely unnecessary remake of gloria  here he was on  sustaining tension in a film that runs for 167 minutes with not one dull spot . some of the formula pictures i like the best are the most simplistic . hollywood often forgets how easy it is to make these kinds of pictures even tolerable . of course cop movies aren ', t popular anymore ( yes buddy cop flicks are popular but those are more like extended sitcoms with gunfire amid the punch lines )  but just look at the average hollywood action movies  flicks so bloated and full of unnecessary fat like the boring love interest that serves no purpose other than to stall the action and demonstrate that our hero isn ', t gay  the lame comic relief character who ', s never funny  and on and on . for all its moral ambiguities prince of the city is a back to the basics cop \\ courtroom drama that leaves out all the crap and really thrills . it focuses completely on its story  and its characters all of whom are completely believable from the cops to the lawyers to the junkies . there ', s a great scene early on where an irate williams shouts at an ia officer and looks as if he ', s about to go into one of those corny braveheart inspirational speeches  but instead he breaks down in front of the cop and begins sobbing . this is a scene that would never make it into a michael bay film ( even though bruce willis sacrifices his life at the end of armageddon  not one damn tear ) it would be cut out because the director would say oh that makes him too human  excuse me  weak . in the very next scene danny speaks in a hushed raspiness  straining to get the words out . he ', s lost his voice . does that little itty bitty detail matter ? maybe not to most  but it sure made my night . and in a sprawling epic of corruption  greed  betrayal and violence it ', s nice to see that someone is paying attention to the little things .
pos carla gugino graduates from high school and instead of staying in her small farming town  she goes to college in california . there she meets the residential advisor pauly shore  who is a city boy . when gugino goes back home for thanksgiving  she brings shore with her  and her parents ( lane smith and cindy pickett ) are less than thrilled . dan gauthier  gugino ', s boyfriend from high school  proposes to gugino . gugino isn ', t ready for anything like this so she makes up the story that she is engaged to shore . she and shore have to make it look like they are engaged while her parents try to make it end . forget jurassic park  cliffhanger  the firm and last action hero  son - in - law is the film to see this summer . son - in - law is a great romantic comedy that should please the viewers  especially fans of the wiez . when son - in - law is long gone and forgotten  the blockbuster summer films will still be playing and you will have a chance to see them then . this film could also make great video fare for those that are leery of spending seven dollars on it . nothing will be lost by watching it on a television screen . although the basic story line has been done many  many times before  the film is still fun to watch . the laughs are plentiful  especially when the wiez is around . the way some of the jokes are done are new  even though some of the jokes are old . there are also several new jokes that  at least  i haven ', t seen before . still  when presented right  even old material can be funny still . this film is just basically a light comedy that is great to see if you are in the right mood that doesn ', t contain much violence or any nudity that is definitely worth full ticket price . the cast for this film does an excellent job . pauly shore ( encino man ) is the star attraction of this film . he is great  and knows how to entertain the audience . pauly shore just seems to take over the entire screen when he is on with expressions and comments that are hilarious . this film would definitely not have been as good with anyone else in this role . carla gugino does a very good job as the farm girl gone city girl . she makes her character believable  on some levels  yet interesting at the same time . the person who played the grandfather ( mason adams  i believe ) also does a great job . the way he delivered his lines kept me laughing throughout the time that he was on the screen . patrick renna  who played gugino ', s little brother  was a little annoying  but no where as near as macaulay culkin  and for only part of the time  so i can forgive him . tiffani - amber thiessen ( a killer among friends  " saved by the bell " ) does a reasonably good job for the time that she is on screen . she shows that she may have a potential in movies if she can get out of the corny young adults programming on television . she wasn ', t given overly much to do in the film  but what she had  she does a good job with .
pos the soldiers of three kings have taken their cue from movies about vietnam . ( fitting  since the media - saturated gulf war became a pop entertainment . ) while driving through a long  flat iraqi desert ( in a humvee with a bart simpson hood ornament )  one of the men under special forces sgt . maj . archie gates ', ( who ', s steering ) command requests a beach boys tune . these men want their apocalypse now moment  only instead of surfing  they bop to the music and skeet shoot out the back of the vehicle  armed with automatic rifles . our three kings ( okay  four ) are good fighters  but they don ', t necessarily take operation desert storm seriously - it ', s a reprieve from their hellish day jobs . they are gates  new father sgt . troy barlow ( wahlberg )  sgt . chief elgin ( cube )  and pvt . conrad vig ( music video director jonze ) . at story ', s start  president bush has declared a ceasefire  and american troops are tying up loose ends . barlow  elgin  and vig discover during a round up of iraqi captives an " ass - map " that points to a bunker filled with gold bullion . gates leaves his jurisdiction to commandeer the situation ; he proposes - demands - that barlow  elgin  and vig join him on a treasure hunt . ditching his escort  a relentless reporter named adriana cruz ( nora dunn )  is easy . so is finding the treasure  until the four men realize the magnitude of discord still breathing in iraq : saddam ', s men are threatening the dictator ', s detractors ( citizens of his own country ) with violence . when gates and company arrive at the bunker with a stolen truck  ready to loot  the unarmed rebels want help . ( bush encouraged them to rise up against the government  but provided no military support for such cause . ) gates convinces the vault ', s guards that this is a post - war mission  and even accepts their assistance in loading the truck . the situation could go off without a hitch : the former enemies bear no grudges . but the money hungry gates has a conscience  and when one female bystander is shot by a sadistic grunt before these americans have left the scene  he orders barlow  elgin and vig to open fire on the surrounding arab forces . the result : barlow is kidnapped  and the filmmakers imply that these would - be kings are seeing more action than they ever did during wartime . barlow is eventually locked in a dank room and wired up to a shocking device . his interrogator lost his family to the bombs  and he wants barlow to imagine the demise of his own wife and child . ( he does  in chilling  lasting images . ) i liked these scenes best  because the political became personal . it ', s one thing to champion the plight of thousands ; it ', s another to see a ceiling cave in atop a baby in a crib . russell has shocked us before : his first film  spanking the monkey  is about a young man ', s affair with his bedridden mother . ( it ', s great . ) his second  flirting with disaster  features a character who has an armpit fetish . one could argue that it ', s easier to make an audience react to such sexual deviance than explosions  though ; russell disturbs us in three kings by being no - nonsense about the violence . when barlow conjures the detonation of his suburban home  russell mutes the sound - we ', re paying attention to the debris instead of thx bombast . three kings is russell ', s first visually arresting picture . stylistically  it stands apart from other war dramas . newton thomas sigel ', s cinematography of the exteriors is overexposed and extremely grainy  which is  of course  entirely appropriate . one practically breaks out in sweat staring at the screen . ( a friend enthusiastically added  " it ', s like having sand in your eyes . " ) this also helps to blur the fact that the actual locations are far removed from the persian gulf facade . ( three kings was shot in arizona  california  and mexico . ) russell throws plenty at sigel ', s camera for it to observe - as was the case with russell ', s previous efforts  the most absurd moments are also the film ', s most realistic  even the most poignant . ( we watch a bullet puncture an organ from the inside . ) if anything  three kings settles down and stops surprising us . its climax is pure hollywood  no doubt the answer to why a major studio felt comfortable getting into bed with the indie - minded russell . subsequently  the characters become more cartoonish - barlow ', s post - torture revelry felt phony  and chief  a strong presence in the first third  fails to escape the god - fearing - ultra - serious - anti - racist - black - man - of - power clich ? - so much for cube avoiding token status . ( the arab players  on the other hand  duck stereotype . ) clooney  too  transforms into a blandly heroic protestor - marching with the rebels  i waited for him to shout  " let my people go ! " hayseed vig notwithstanding  the protagonists are very intelligent  and self - serving  too ; i had a glimmer of hope  based on russell ', s filmography  that our antiheroes would revert to their greedy selves at some juncture . ( it ', s not spoiling much to write that . ) then again  what historical importance would such nastiness serve ? ( there ', s already enough cynicism in the film ', s mentioning of kuwait ', s oil - infested waters . ) russell offers the masses a primer on the oft - dismissed gulf conflict  and pulled off a neat trick : a war tale full of battles that takes place after a truce has been declared . if he set out to make something socially / culturally / politically / globally significant  he succeeded . with flair .
pos bill condon ', s " gods and monsters " is a fascinating look into the last days in the life of gay director james whale ( ian mckellan )  who made the horror classics " frankenstein " and " bride of frankenstein . " since i was unfamiliar of whale prior to viewing the film  there is no way to know how accurate the film is  but i suspect that much of it only came from whale ', s inner fantasies and hallucinations . whale  who fought in wwi and then went on to become known for his work on horror pictures  decided fifteen years before his death at age 67 to quit filmmaking once a homosexual scandal broke out involving him . as the film tells it  during the end of his life  whale  at his large home in l . a .  became infatuated with the tall  handsome  and much younger man  clayton boone ( brendan fraser )  who was working as the gardener at his home . james whale  we learn quickly was  what many people refer to him as in the film  " a dirty old man . " in one of the opening scenes  a young film enthusiast visits whale ', s home to interview him and whale agrees  on one condition : for every question he answers  the young man must take off an article of clothing . because of this episode  we know exactly what it is whale wants when he asks clayton to pose for him for a painting  later making the excuse that his bright  white shirt is disracting only so he will take it off . clayon agrees  and doesn ', t really think much of this  much to the warnings of his friends  becoming more and more intrigued in the stories whale tells him about his past . certainly  the relationship between whale and boone is headed for a downfall  since whale starts to grow a deep love for this young man  even though boone is not gay  and whale himself realizes he is nearing the conclusion to his life  as he begins to seldom suffer mild strokes and moments of true catharsis . " gods and monsters " is an intimate and seemingly respectful portrait of a director who was forced to become somewhat of an outcast  due to his sexual preference  and never got the recognition he would have liked  since he longed to be referred to as a " motion picture director  " rather than a " horror director . " and in one heartbreaking scene  he attends a party with boone being his guest  held by director george cuckor  and finds that many of the other attendees do not recognize him anymore . it is evident that whale ', s first love in his life was making movies  and when his career ultimately fell apart  so did his passion in life . as played brilliantly by ian mckellen  james whale comes off as a sad  but dignified man  and a person who was not afraid to stand out from others  just as long as he knew he was being true to himself . he never hid the fact that he was gay  however  even if it meant threatening his filmmaking profession  and it was this unblinking honesty that made him a great person . through the complicated relationship that develops between whale and boone  boone  of course  only things of whale as a possible friend or someone he can talk to  while it means so much more to whale  who sees boone as sort of his salvation in life . although boone is only in a dead - end job as a gardener of people ', s homes  whale views him as the ideal man  not only one that is good - looking  even though it is this attraction that first begins his feelings  but one that will actually listen to him . since whale lives with only his loyal  but disapproving maid ( touchingly portrayed by lynn redgrave )  it is boone that whale can talk to in his ultimate reclusion from the world  and the only reason whale finally decides to attend the gathering of george cuckor . although an extremely fine and mature picture  a few small elements hold the film back from ultimate greatness . it is appreciated that the film does not pull for any obvious or overly dramatic story developments  but it is a little thin  and the structuring of the " on - again - off - again " friendship at the film ', s center is fairly predictable . we know early on where these two characters are headed  and we can guess that there will be a final confrontation between the two as the tension slowly builds . in lesser hands  this set - up might have felt too calculated  but it is not in the surprisingly deft treatment and writing that helps the film to be much more than this . also  a subplot is briefly brought up between clayton and a waitress working at a bar ( effectively played by lolita davidovich )  but abruptly dropped and never brought up again . if the film was not going to follow up on this side story  then it  perhaps  should have been taken out altogether . " gods and monsters " is a heartfelt and intelligent motion picture  impressively directed by bill condon  who  i sense  relates to or fully understands the meaning behind the curious relationship between whale and boone . the film also plays as a tribute to a fine man who met an untimely end . walking away from " gods and monsters  " it was ian mckellen ', s marvelous and astounding performance that left the most impression on me  and i doubt there could have been anyone who could have stepped into the role more fully and believably . it is a sad testament when a person ', s true talent and love is unfairly taken away from them  based on the scrutinization and judgement of their personal life  which  ironically enough  is no one else ', s business in the first place .
pos i must admit that i was a tad skeptical of " good will hunting "  based both on the previews and the first fifteen minutes of the film  in which the main character will hunting ( matt damon )  an mit janitor in his early twenties  is discovered to be an einstein - level closet genius when he solves two extraordinarily difficult math problems overnight . the only problem is that will is a tough street kid who ', s had his share of run - ins with the law  and before long he ', s being hauled in for assault after a parking lot fight . professor lambeau ( stellan skarsgard )  who had brought up the math problems in his lectures  tracks him down and strikes a deal with the police : will is to be released  provided he works with lambeau on his math research regularly and attends therapy sessions . this sounds like the formula for mildly charming fluff  but " good will hunting " rises above its fairly mundane premise to deliver a poignant and clever drama . a conflict gradually emerges between lambeau and will ', s therapist sean mcguire ( robin williams ) - lambeau wants to get will to use his brain  while sean wants him to listen to his heart  both of which he has been largely neglecting . will finds that the former is much easier than the latter  so much so  in fact  that he gets bored with it and grows increasingly resistant to lambeau ', s attempts to recruit him into the academic lifestyle . he also has his share of problems with his girlfriend skylar ( minnie driver )  an mit student who is moving to california at the end of the school year and would like a reluctant will to come with her . what makes " good will hunting " work so well  aside from the strong performances ( especially from damon and williams )  is the depth of characterization and the representation of the conflicts in will ', s life . the script ', s sympathies seem to lie more with sean mcguire than with lambeau  but neither of them is presented as completely right or wrong . lambeau  while he may seem a little cold at times  is still written well enough that we like him as a character even when we ', re not sure if we like what he has to say . and sean  for all his warm - heartedness  has  as lambeau and later will point out  not lived up to his full intellectual potential either ; the therapy sessions turn out to be just as revelatory for sean as they do for will . will ', s reaction to this situation  and the way in which he slowly becomes more receptive to skylar and to sean  is presented in a believable fashion and in a way that forces the audience to consider all the characters ', opinions  rather than setting up an obvious " right " and " wrong " side and beating them over the head with it . for a film with such an extraordinary character  " good will hunting " presents itself as remarkably ordinary ; it achieves the difficult task of making the next albert einstein into an everyman  a character to whom the audience can easily relate and who must make choices similar to those that almost everyone faces at one time or another . this film gives us real drama when it so easily could have given us merely melodrama  by having the government kidnap will to use him in covert spy missions or introducing some other equally far - fetched situation . " good will hunting " also has its share of fun humor  such as when will  in an early therapy session  pretends to be hypnotized and smoothly parodies the alien abduction scenarios that have become so well known in popular culture . and in the one scene in which government agents do in fact appear  will blows them off with a hilariously scathing accusation of human rights violations in africa . will ', s relationship with his friends  most notably chucky ( ben affleck )  is usually rather amusing  if somewhat crude ( the film has 100 + uses of the ', f ', word  which was most likely the reason for its r - rating )  and lends itself well to the development of will ', s character . add all this to the fact that " good will hunting " even manages to pull off an uplifting happy ending without getting excessively sentimental  and you might be wondering why i haven ', t given this film four stars . well  for one thing  no matter how well damon and affleck  who wrote the screenplay  and director gus van sant pull it off  the story is still rather contrived and not particularly original . there are also a few scenes that did feel a bit formulaic  including one that was supposed to be emotional but really just seemed like the obligatory crying scene for any movie involving therapy sessions . still  " good will hunting " takes its premise a lot farther than i thought it would  and is definitely one of the better personal dramas i have seen in the last few years  and as of right now it stands as one of the top five on my list of ', 97 films .
pos a cinematic version of one of john irving ', s novels is always cause for celebration even if  as in the case of " simon birch  " the treatment is merely " suggested by  " rather than strictly based on  the book . suggested means that irving  author of the acclaimed " the world according to garp  " sold the rights to his novel " a prayer for owen meany " to the disney machine for $ 1 million  but wouldn ', t grant them permission to use either the title or any of the character names . that ', s an odd decision -- irving claims it ', s to protect both himself and the novel -- but it ', s one that doesn ', t unduly harm the finished product . irving ', s books are rich and complex works  full of intriguing  colorful characters . " a prayer for owen meany " is no exception ; it tells the story of an unusual boy -- called simon birch in the film version -- who is uncommonly small in stature and possesses a high - pitched falsetto voice  " like strangled mice . " simon believes himself to be " god ', s instrument  " placed on this earth to somehow effect god ', s plan . simon is played by ian michael smith  who suffers from a rare enzyme disorder known as morquio syndrome which  among other things  prevents bones  ligaments  and joints from developing normally . smith ', s debilitating disease makes him an obvious physical choice for " simon birch " ; however  the producers unwisely favored form over function -- smith ', s acting abilities are limited at best . another drawback is that in the book  simon ', s condition is described the way irving describes any of his characters -- in careful  loving detail . watching " simon birch  " however  creates a different feeling altogether ; the audience is forced into a voyeuristic relationship with the character  surely something irving would not have intended . simon himself tends to be too cute and irritating  a combination of smith ', s rookie status as an actor and the precocious one - liners he ', s forced to deliver  courtesy mark steven johnson  the film ', s director and screenwriter . fortunately  simon birch isn ', t the real star of the film that bears his name . simon is more of a catalyst  allowing his co - stars to shape the story  and the actors who fill those roles to turn in outstanding supporting performances  saving the film from an obsequious  manipulative destiny . first and foremost is joseph mazzello ( " jurassic park " )  who is nothing less than remarkable as simon ', s best friend  joe . mazzello turns in a wonderfully layered performance for a 14 year old  ripe with laughter  pain  and tears ; he is certainly an emerging talent . ashley judd positively beams in her role as rebecca  joe ', s single mother  and oliver platt is warm and tender as her boyfriend  ben . david strathairn and jan hooks play the town ', s reverend and sunday school teacher respectively and their contributions uphold the high standards set by the others . there ', s even a surprising yet effective uncredited cameo performance from . . . well  that would be telling . perhaps " suggested by " the novel is the appropriate way to go after all  since " simon birch " only focuses on one chapter  one year  of simon ', s extraordinary life . the film also changes the book ', s ending to one that is more melodramatic  yet necessary given simon ', s lot . the flavor of irving ', s original novel remains  however -- the passions  friendships  and insecurities that come with a change of seasons to the little community of gravestown  maine  and the engaging oddballs  both big and small  who reside there .
pos the only historical figure that has been written about more than william shakespeare is jesus christ  which explains why the bard ', s materials are such a popular source for remakes  revisions  rewrites  inspiration  subtlety  credit  and dispute . indeed  in recent years  american contemporary cinema has been swamped with a wash of shakespearean products . including this year ', s upcoming a midsummer night ', s dream  shakespeare ', s material has been the cause for twenty - six big screen productions since 1990 . but for a change of pace  mrs . brown director john madden gives us a story of the bard himself in the wonderfully vibrant shakespeare in love . marc norman and tom stoppard ', s story is largely fantasy  although as the viewer soon learns  shakespeare in love is not a movie that takes itself seriously . ( will shakespeare of the 1590 ', s would ', ve been married to anne hathaway  and he would ', ve had a teenage daughter and two young sons ; here he is a bachelor played by joseph fiennes . ) will is a writer struggling to come up with a great play  and his current comedy in the works -- " romeo and ethel  the pirate ', s daughter " -- just doesn ', t quite seem right . with the help of the great writer christopher marlowe ( rupert everett )  and the inspiration of true love with noblewoman viola de lesseps ( gwyneth paltrow )  he changes things around and writes one of his greatest tragedies  " romeo and juliet . " the love story between will and viola loosely parallels the story of romeo and juliet  to great effect . fiennes and paltrow develop a sexy chemistry as the two lovers which gives the movie much momentum ; this momentum smoothes out the bumps in the unfinished and largely unsuccessful comedy . the supporting roles are well filled out  from geoffrey rush as will ', s worrisome agent  philip  to tom wilkinson as the producer hugh fennyman . even ben affleck  leading the troupe of actors  manages to make a favorable impression ; and judi dench lends some brief moments of screen time as queen elizabeth i . gwyneth paltrow is by far  however  the standout of the lot  creating a large percentage of the forementioned vibrance . the story is well - crafted if nothing else  although it has dangerous moments where it flirts with the " let ', s make a movie " - genre . the dialogue is breezy and lighthearted  and certainly accessible by the audience ', s lowest common denominator . there ', s something for everyone in this romantic comedy  making it prime date flick material . although certainly not inspiring in any regard  it revels in a wholesome  well - rounded atmosphere that has been absent in many of 1998 ', s pictures ; the true - love story is one of the best around . certainly recommendable when the traditional slew of indifferent year ', s - open releases is just around the corner .
pos in 1912  a ship set sail on her maiden voyage across the atlantic for america . this ship was built to be the largest ship in the world  and she was . she was also build to be one of the most luxurious  and that she was . finally  she was built to be unsinkable and that unfortunately she was not . to get a ticket for this voyage you either : spent a life ', s savings to get to america to start life anew  were part of the upper class and had the money to spare  or finally were lucky enough to have a full house in a poker match by the docks like jack dawson . jack dawson makes the trip  and happens to be at the right place at the right time . rose dewitt bukater  a first class passenger  climbs the railings at the aft of the ship with thoughts of jumping . thus is started a tale of romance and intrigue  and a tale of death and tragedy . . . this movie is about a tragic event that took place a great many years ago  an even that should not be taken lightly as any other bit of historical trivia . the movie titanic shows what happened  maybe not with a 100 % degree of accuracy  but it still shows it very realisticaly . now the titanic is both a story on its own and a backdrop for a story . it serves as both admirably  brining forth an interesting story that although simple in its most simple premise is very captivating . this movie is very emotional simply because of what it is  but that alone is not enough . the story is brought out with a certain style that makes is so much more emotional and so much more effective . movies such as this will not be forgotten all too quickly and unfortunately then are not something that is produced by hollywood with any great frequency . the attention to detail that was paid is remarkable . the whole premise for the telling of the story is interesting  with the showing of brand new footage from the wreck of the titanic adding much flavor to an already good movie . part of the magical chemistry behind this story is the acting  and for this movie its extremely good acting from the whole cast . the performances put in by the main stars is something to be admired . the characters were played out so memorably that both leonardo dicaprip and kate winslet should receive at the least nominations for their roles . looking at the acting done in the movie it seems as if they aren ', t acting but are actually the characters in the movie . the casting for the movie could really have been better  in my humble opinion that is . one character that will most likely not be mentioned by any other review or commentary about this film is that of the ship itself . yes  you read correctly  the ship is a character . how is the titanic a character ? you ask well simple  a ship had a certain character about it and as most sailors and boats men will tell you . this character is everything about the ship from its specifications to its luxuries and the titanic was no stranger to this . mr . cameron brings the ship to life in an almost literal sense . all this adds to the movie in a certain way that most hollywood productions cant seem to grasp . now  to produce the effect that i mentioned above and to sink the ship itself are feats that are accomplished by special effects wizards . the effects in this movie range from marvelous costumes to beautifully rendered scenes of the ships sinking . in some respects you cannot tell that the effects are there  you simply think that what you see is what happened or what is happening ( if your imagination is good ) . the technical wizardry done in this movie is just spectacular and actually getting new footage from the wreck of the titanic is unique . the movie will leave you amazed at the effects  and that is a feat since there is no monsters or aliens in this movie  just humans and an oversized ship . the movie will amaze you and it will pull on your emotions  the theater that i went to had a few people leaving with tears in their eyes . now that is not a feat accomplished by most movies  now the fact that the tragedy actually occurred is brought home with something of a punch  i wont spoil the ending and say what happens regardless it is an interesting movie from beginning to the very end . the historical value of this movie is quite high  and honestly is something that should be watched for the sake of seeing it and seeing the tragedy  for it is extremely well done . the method of telling the story is also good  maybe not totally unique but effective none the less . regardless of anything mentioned above this movie is a grandiose production and the sheer size of the project undertaken is something to be marveled at . the simple fact that the movie is smashingly successful at what it aims to achieve is just astonishing . if you get the chance to see this movie go ! ! ! it might not be the best movie in the world . . but it ranks fairly highly and is well worth the time spent watching it . during none of the 3 hours and 13 minutes of the movie are you bored nor does your attention wane from the movie .
pos the start of this movie reminded me of parts from the movie stargate . people are looking around in an egyptian temple reading about some dangerous thing that is going to destroy earth in the future . after a sort of confusing bit involving fake - looking cyborg things  the movie jumps into the future and the movie improves by leaps and bounds . the basic idea behind the movie is that every once in a while ( make that every 1000 years or so ) an evil force comes to destroy earth . the things needed to defend against this menace are the four elements of nature plus the fifth element . the plot in this movie really isn ', t that important to the thing though . this movie has very good special effects  for the most part . the techno - ish music in the background fits the mood very well . bruce willis is an illegal taxi - cab driver in a futuristic new york city . one day a lady draped with a few bandages drops down into his trunk . this movie is about what happens . the plot twists are interesting and the movie never fails to present the viewer with a variety of different locations . also there is a fair bit of action in the film  particularly towards the end . some characters are just plain strange including a highly - energetic deejay in drag . bruce willis does his normal job of blowing things away like he always does . the movie is definitely watchable and rarely slows down . it is one of those sci - fi films where you ', ll be saying " cool " followed by a " what the hell ? ! ? ! " . i give the fifth element .
pos note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . james toback ', s return to directing after a eight - year layoff  two girls and a guy  is a film which is comprised  more or less  of just that : one guy  blake ( robert downey jr . ) ; two girls  carla ( heather graham ) and lou ( natasha gregson wagner ) ; one primary setting ( blake ', s absurdly spacious bachelor apartment )  and a great deal of dialogue . embracing a near real - time approach  this is a highly theatrical feature that completely hangs upon the performances of its three actors and the quality of the dialogue written by mr . toback for his bantering characters . fortunately  the film ', s cast is up to the challenge  and the wordy exchanges between the triad of characters  while admittedly variable  are occasionally wickedly amusing . the film ', s setup is fairly generic in nature  and opens rather unpromisingly . we meet self - possessed blonde carla and feisty brunette lou  both waiting outside a soho loft . as they engage in idle chatter  it is revealed that they ', re both waiting for their respective boyfriends to return from the airport  and it doesn ', t take long for them to come to the realisation that they ', re being two - timed by the same guy . more indignant with him than catty with each other  the duo break into blake ', s loft and await his arrival for a confrontation . it ', s when blake returns to his abode where the film hits its stride . played with magnificent bombast by mr . downey jr .  blake is a cad  all right  but a captivatingly dynamic  blusterous  and stealthy piece of work that bursts onto the scene and raises the stakes to new heights . it ', s fascinating to watch this character in his natural habitat  and perhaps the film ', s best choice was to have his two girlfriends scamper off into hiding upon his return  allowing us to size up blake not with his interactions with others  but by his own innate behaviour . whether he ', s flamboyantly behind his piano in a rollicking rendition of vivaldi  or on the phone leaving messages to his beloveds ( carla  lou  and his unseen sickly mother )  it ', s never less than wildly entertaining and insightful . though at this point i almost hoped the film would transform into a one - man show -- a typical afternoon in the life of blake  if you will -- carla  and then lou  reveal themselves  and the sparks begin to fly . ( one of the great touches in the film is how blake  when startled by carla ', s unannounced appearance  begins to both verbally and physically backpedal even before he realizes that the cat ', s out of the bag . ) double - teamed by the understandably aggrieved women ( who are more smirkingly inquisitive than ferociously vengeful -- they want a justification for his ongoing hypocrisy )  an increasingly - flustered blake weakly defends himself with apologetic and even self - righteous declarations against their verbal jabs . surprisingly delightful in the waltz of scathing witty banter shared by its trio of characters  two girls and a guy concludes its first sequence with an unexpected apoplectic act of such outrageous audacity that it seemed nothing was off - limits for this film . however  it ', d be unfeasible to attempt to string along carla and lou ', s outrage to full feature - length  and it ', s as the movie gradually transforms into the sharing of exploratory profundities on the nature of fidelity and relationships that it slowly but surely begins to unravel . the dialogue becomes less and less engaging and clever  the film ', s tempo loses its liveliness  the dynamic between the characters evolves in unconvincing fashion  and several sequences fall flat . subtle and not - quite - subtle allusions are made ( a poster of jules et jim hangs prominently on the wall )  and secrets are revealed which barrel the film toward an uncompelling weepy finale . one key turning point in the film is the kinky sex scene between blake and carla . two girls and a guy was embroiled in a bitter  long - running dispute with the mpaa with regards to this scene -- contractually - obligated to deliver an r - rated film  mr . toback was forced to resubmit fourteen scaled - down versions of the steamy interlude before the mpaa withdrew their nc - 17 rating in favour of an r -- and while admittedly titillating  the net effect of the vignette on the film ', s thematic narrative is rather dubious . if anything  two girls and a guy serves as a showcase for the phenomenal talents of mr . downey jr .  whose versatility is put to the test in this film . he plays the gamut from indignant to humbled  from self - assured to disconcerted  yet his acting gears shift so smoothly as to not be registered . it ', s a wonderful performance in a role custom - tailored for him ; mr . toback wrote the screenplay in four days shortly after mr . downey jr . was arrested on drug charges  and it ', s hard not to see echoes of reality seeping into his character -- in a monologue to his mirrored reflection  blake ', s self - chiding to " get [ his ] shit together " is disquieting in its resonance . while mr . downey jr . ', s showstopping performance is undoubtedly the primary strength of the film  both actresses are solid in more broadly - observed roles . ms . graham is quickly becoming one of america ', s more daring actresses  involving herself in three successive risky projects -- two girls and a guy and boogie nights are both quite sexually frank  while lost in space has a screenplay penned by akiva goldsman . she ', s quite appealing here  playing a character at once both dainty and sultry . meanwhile  ms . gregson wagner initially portrays lou with such an unwarranted spunk that audiences are likely to find it either annoying  or  like me  endearing . she tones it down substantially as the film progresses  but i found her more fun to watch as the artificially excitable chatterbox . the film was reportedly shot in eleven days  filmed mostly in sequence  and the resultant artifacts of this rapid shoot are evident throughout . two girls and a guy has an agile  spontaneous sort of feel  and one senses that mr . toback encouraged a good deal of improvisation from his three actors . while the film could be transposed directly to the stage more or less intact  it doesn ', t feel constricted ; the expansive apartment setting is well - used to vary the background  and mr . toback allows his camera to wander and linger on his characters in an effective manner . two girls and a guy falls short of its potential  but thanks to some stellar work by mr . downey jr .  it ', s still often an enjoyable  bitingly funny romp  particularly as we watch the surprisingly - resilient blake evasively try to rationalize his behaviour and even turn the tables on his girlfriends . " i ', m an actor  " he tells them at one point  using the ol ', tried - and - tested occupational - hazard defense . " actors lie . " but not  they all seem to agree  denzel washington .
pos robert altman ', s cookie ', s fortune is that rare movie that does not depend on sentimentality to be uplifting and to make its viewers feel good . it is a sunny  delightful  dreamy comedy  filled with lovely performances  skillful direction and topped off with an understated  clever  extraordinary script . as this is an ensemble piece  it is forced to start of slowly as it introduces us to its characters  all of them residing in a southern town called holly springs . first we meet willie ( charles s . dutton )  an honest man with a slight drinking habit . we then see that willie takes care of an elderly lady nicknamed cookie  who is slowly losing her grip on sanity and is being filled with loneliness  despair  and want of her dead husband . we cut to camille ( glenn close ) who is obsessively directing a play with her sister cora ( julianne moore ) . then we briefly get acquainted with emma ( liv tyler )  an apparent relative of cookie  who is a down - but - not - out teen outcast  still full of love and hope even though she has no real place to live . we also fleetingly see emma ', s lover jason ( chris o ', donnell )  an ambitious but far too excitable young cop . we are now about one quarter through the two hour picture  and robert altman decides that it is time to set the plot in motion . we see the ecstatic cookie stare hopefully at a picture of her husband . she exclaims " here i come ! " and then puts a pillow to her face and shoots herself . soon after  her niece camille stops by to get a fruit salad bowl  comes upstairs  finds cookie dead and flips out . convinced that suicide is a disgrace and that she will have none of that in her family  she eats the suicide note and convinces her slightly slow ( yet sweet ) sister that it was a murder . she makes sure that she stages it like a murder as well ; scattering jewelry all over the floor  breaking a few cabinets  windows and doors  and then throwing the gun out in the back yard . the only reasonable suspect is willie  who immediately gets taken into custody  and put in a jail cell ( they all know he didn ', t do it  so the cell stays open and he plays scrabble with the sheriff and the faithful emma ) . meanwhile  the unperturbed camille continues her none - too - subtle manipulations trying to further cover up for the murder while at the same time making her easter play a success . so begins cookie ', s fortune  a film aptly described by critic scott renshaw as " a southern spin on fargo  " except that this one is far funnier and much more enjoyable than the coen brothers ', darker  somewhat disturbing and slightly overrated escapade . robert altman ', s slight picture is in some ways reminiscent of something like midnight in the garden of good and evil as well  in that both films focus ( on and off ) on the eccentricities of the residents in a southern us town . indeed  most of the characters in cookie ', s fortune are loads of fun to observe  and a portion of them are fascinating and surprisingly multi - dimensional . glenn close turns in an insubstantial ( in terms of her career ) but magnificent performance as the conniving camille and is also the source of a good portion of the many laughs that we enjoy in this movie  and she is perfectly cast as the prolific " aunt alexandria " character  endlessly obsessed with family dignity . the equally essential role of willie is handled with an intangible grace by veteran thespian charles s . dutton ( mimic  a time to kill ) there is nothing like a movie which leaves you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside hours  even days after the film ends . cookie ', s fortune is such a movie . i loved the light  kindhearted approach altman ( whose last project was the dark  intense drama the gingerbread man ) took towards the tricky subject matter . i enjoyed the talented ensemble cast . i even liked the trite " in the south everybody is related to everybody " cliche that is inevitably employed by the time this movie draws to a close . i ', m not sure why cookie ', s fortune had such an all - around pleasing effect on me . perhaps it ', s that good ol ', southern charm .
pos well i ', ll be damned . . . the canadians can make a good movie . the world is coming to an end . we don ', t know why or how  but apparently there is no way to stop it . the world has had this information for months  as most of the rioting and other assorted chaos has passed and governments have shut down operations . yet for a handful of toronto citizens  life goes on . they aren ', t going crazy or attacking people in the streets . instead they are simply preparing themselves for the end . . . some engaging in activities they ', ve always wanted to do  some gathering with family and friends  and others just seeking to be alone . these people ', s lives however all intersect during their final six hours . writer - director - star don mckellar has crafted a highly unique and emotional film . all of the main characters are compelling as they try and do whatever it is they need to do on their last night on earth . craig ( callum keith rennie ) tries to fulfill all his sexual fantasies  a gas company employee ( david cronenberg ) calls every customer letting them know the gas will be flowing until the very end and thanks them for their business  and patrick ( mckellar ) just wants to be by himself but isn ', t having much success . even minor characters keep popping up where you least expect them to  tying everyone even closer . things seemed a little hokey towards the beginning of the film  but ultimately everything comes together nicely ( although it ', s not a happy film . . . some moments are understandably gut - wrenching ) . the story is enhanced by some unexpected humor and very realistic performances  particularly from sandra oh  whose character is just trying to get home to her husband before the end . i have absolutely no problem that the reason for the end of the world is never given  nor does it bother me that the world is ending at exactly 12 midnight ( in toronto anyway ) . but i do wonder why the sun never sets . come midnight  the sun is still shining brightly . maybe the sun is crashing into the earth . . . who knows . also  it ', s comforting to know that in mankind ', s final moments on the planet  people will still gang up on the street for the sheer purpose of pushing over a car or a bus ( that ', s not a shot at this film mind you . . . i know people are just stupid and truly would be out in the street tipping over cars ) . last night is available on dvd from universal home video . it contains the film in fullscreen format and includes the original theatrical trailer . [ r ]
pos hedwig ( john cameron mitchell ) was born a boy named hansel in east berlin . as a teen seeking his " other half  " he reluctantly agrees to a sex change operation in order to marry american g . i . luther ( maurice dean wint ) . the operation  performed by a hack surgeon  is botched  and the " angry inch " is all that ', s left . now a " she "  hedwig comes to america  is abandoned by luther  forms a rock band and falls for her 17 - year old lover / prot ? g ?  tommy  only to be rejected by him later  too . she and her band  the angry inch  shadows the now - famous tommy gnosis across the us ( for revenge ? )  but hedwig is really in search of her lost other half in " hedwig and the angry inch . " first time helmer john cameron mitchell  along with composer / lyricist stephen trask  created and starred in their acclaimed off - broadway production that has become the movie . and quite a movie it is in its eclectic variety of songs  outrageous costumes  sets and makeup and  especially  a riveting performance by mitchell as the title character . mitchell and trask have reinvented the movie musical and couple it with the underlying story of just whom hedwig is and what she is looking for . i am  by far  not a big fan of musicals . sure  there are exceptions  like bob fosse ', s " all that jazz " and " cabaret  " but  for the most part  they are just not my cup of tea . " hedwig and the angry inch " is an exception  though  with its combination of humor  wit and a collection of tunes that covers musical styles ranging from " the rocky horror picture show " and meatloaf to david bowie to the sex pistols . the original songs  by stephen trask ( also appearing as one of the members of the band the angry inch )  are full of energy and variety and  even though it ', s not my kind of music  i found every one entertaining and fun . the audience i saw " hedwig " with thought so  too . the main attraction to this one - man / woman show is the presence of its star . john cameron mitchell gives a solid  sometimes fun  sometimes angry performance as a person searching for self - enlightenment and love . as a young boy growing up in east berlin  hansel is abused by his g . i . father and raised by his german mother in a tiny flat so small that " mother would make me play in the oven " where he listened to pop music on armed forces radio . later  as a young man  he meets luther  another g . i . and is swept off of his feet . the ensuing angry inch incident comes soon after . flash forward to a trailer park in junction city  kansas  and luther is leaving hedwig for another boy . frustrated and broke  she takes on baby - sitting and the odd " job " to make ends meet . she also forms a band with four korean housewives and the musical talent of hedwig is born . she meets  falls for and loses young tommy  who steals her songs and goes off to become a rock sensation . jealous and angry  hedwig and her new band begins a campaign to shadow tommy ', s tours and  with the help of her manager  phyllis stein ( andrea martin )  is trying get a law suit going against the star for stealing her songs . hedwig and the angry inch get gigs  not coincidentally  at a chain of seafood restaurants that just happen to be next to the forums where tommy gnosis is playing . things finally come to a head  so to speak  in new york city . the popularity of the off - broadway musical and its offshoots have garnered a ready - made audience base for " hedwig . " the wit  humor  music and search for identity has great appeal to young adults  but the charismatic presence of mitchell makes this a cut above what it could have been . it is this one - man / woman show that casts its spotlight on its " internationally ignored " rock star and mitchell is outstanding in the role . there isn ', t a lot going on with other characters  though there are amusing little sidebars  like hedwig ', s backup singer / lover  yitzak ( miriam shor )  deciding to break away from the band to join a polynesian road show of " rent " as a puerto rican drag queen . the low budget that the moviemakers have for the production belies the quality of the film . attention to details - hedwig ', s costumes and outrageous " cabaret " - like makeup ; the seedy trailer park setting ; and  the kitschy seafood restaurants - are loads of fun to watch and lend the appropriate air to the proceeds  all on what has to be a beer budget . " hedwig and the angry inch " may not be for everybody  but the energy of the effort  the songs  the imaginative sets and costumes and a fast steady pace make it a pleasure to watch . if you ', re a fan of contemporary  edgy music  it is an even bigger draw . i give it a b + .
pos niagara niagara ( r ) bob gosse ', s niagara niagara follows a blueprint not unlike a lot of young - lovers - on - the - road movies . wild marcy ( robin tunney ) and calm seth ( henry thomas ) meet cute  literally running into each other while shoplifting at a local store . a mere couple of scenes later  the two embark on a journey to toronto from their small  unnamed american town in pursuit of a rare doll that marcy desperately wants . along the way  true love inevitably blossoms . what sets niagara niagara apart  though  is that marcy is afflicted with tourette ', s syndrome  a neurological disorder that causes sudden muscle and vocal tics . tunney  displaying an acting range not hinted at in the teenage witch thriller the craft  delivers an astonishing performance that won her the best actress prize at last year ', s venice film festival . to term her work a tour - de - force is not to imply that she attacks the scenery ; tunney ', s effectiveness lies in her modulation and vulnerability  which makes her depiction of marcy ', s illness -- which often causes her to act violently -- that much more convincing and tragic . she and the nicely subtle thomas develop a sweetly innocent and beguilingly off - kilter chemistry . their journey hits a few rough spots creatively along the way  mostly the fault of writer matthew weiss . a detour involving a kindly widower ( michael parks ) who takes the couple in brings the story to a screeching halt  and the key character of a trigger - happy pharmacist ( stephen lang ) is highly unbelievable . but these missteps do not blunt the power of tunney ', s bravura turn  which carries niagara niagara to a level of poignance it would not have otherwise achieved . ( opens march 20 ) " i didn ', t know what to expect . it ', s like something you chase for so long  but then you don ', t know how to react when you get it . i still don ', t know how to react . " -- michael jordan  on winning his first nba championship in 1991 . . . or  my thoughts after meeting him on november 21  1997
pos notice : this is a review and analysis of exotica . the first part of this piece is the review  the second part contains some analysis of the movie which might be construed as spoilers . if you have not seen the movie and after reading the first part you intend to do so  then save the second part for the discussion afterwards . starring : bruce greenwood  mia kirshner  elias kosteas  don mckellar  arsinee khanijian  sarah polley director : atom egoyan screenplay : atom egoyan exotica is a film that grows on retrospection . exotica keeps the viewer guessing about the relationship between the various characters in the film . all of the people know each other  but apart from that  there seems to be no other reason why to select such set and follow them in this fictional account . the director hints for possible solutions  using a multi - line plot  so popular with critics in mystery train  and used to good advantage by quentin tarantino in pulp fiction . exotica reaches a whole new dimension using this technique . at the end it is surprising to see how well the pieces of the puzzle fit together  in spite their apparent unconnectedness and even misleading features . the out - of - chronological - order technique has become ever so popular  perhaps even de rigueur  for biographical films . similarly  we can now expect to see more movies in the future which will use  to varying extent  converging multiplots . on a first glance  once the multi - plot puzzle in exotica is solved  there seems to be little left to look at . but perceptive minds which take the time to dig further will be rewarded with interesting views on life or rather  commentaries on views of life . exotica is very much worth seeing . it opened to critic ', s praise worldwide ( i first saw it in mexico city  last december ) . in canada  it broke records for a movie of its kind  which prompted the american distributor to go for a wide release . apart from a strong plot  acting is very convincing  and the soundtrack seems as if made for the movie . the spoon - fed - entertainment crowd may not appreciate this movie  and thus it might last little on screen . but if you want to try a movie a cut above the crowd  with an originality that is ever so rare  by all means see exotica . analysis ( * * spoilers * * ahead ) what is behind the complex plot in exotica ? first  a common theme of the quest for gratification by monetary means . the lone tax - auditor  the repressed homosexual pet shop owner  the pregnant woman which runs the nightclub  the rich man which has the club remodeled  the audience at the movie theatre  all use personal wealth to buy palliative relief for the penuries of the soul . . . . then we have the quest for gratification through visual means by most of the same people  including those who sit watching exotica . . . . in that regard exotica stands for onlookers at a nightclub  for the rich man looking through silver mirrors  and poor - rich people looking at other ', s people lives through a silver screen . exotica also stands for unwanted society attention into the lives of other people  such as the tax auditor and the pet shop owner . exotica is the customer agent looking at the pet shop owner  which in turn is looking at the core of the problems between the strip dancer and the tax auditor through the detached eye of a gay person ( no attraction to the strip dancer )  and only interested on avoiding jail ( no personal relationship with the tax auditor ) . in exotica everybody is watching  and what is worse  everybody knows . second  exotica is about isolated people holding back their feelings ; about people which by voluntary or involuntary means transfer their view of reality to other characters . the strip dancer becomes the proverbial daughter  the dj becomes the proverbial killer by means of breaking the relationship between the father and the proverbial daughter . the niece becomes the baby sitter  the baby sitter becomes the dancer  and the dancer becomes the proverbial daughter . the pet shop owner becomes the proverbial dj  by finding the proverbial daughter . a chain made of real and imagined links coming around full circle  just as everything comes around to a fitting whole at the end of the movie .
pos i actually am a fan of the original 1961 or so live - action - disney flick of the same name starring hayley mills twice as a pair of twins  separated at birth by divorcing parents  never to come in contact with the other so the parents never have to meet again . and everyone should know how i feel about remakes  especially of films i happen to enjoy ( my fallacy : unless you ', re going to either capture the same exact spirit of the original or do something different with it or maybe even both  just wrack your brain and come up with a * gasp * new idea ) . this remake was not originally on the top of my viewing list  and was actually quite the opposite . contemporary live - action - disney films are not one of my favorties  anyway : they ', re usually unfunny  alienating  and a big fat bore  at least to anyone over the age of 11 and above the iq of 10 . this one  however  is shockingly not bad . in fact  it ', s actually good . not the original good  but what ', s great about it is that it doesn ', t necessarily retread the original or capture the same exact spirit as it does become entertaining for the same exact reasons the original was entertaining . because it ', s cute and innocent fun . because it has a pretty killer plot that is endlessly fun to follow along with . because the lead star is immensely appealing . because the parents are also immensely appealing . and ( i ', m repeating myself ) because it ', s cute and innocent fun . there ', s nothing too risque about it  save the plot ( the idea of separating twins and denying them the truth for years is ominously selfish  but that is precisely the point of the movie )  and it ', s aimed directly at either kids  adults who want to remember the original  or young adults who want to remember what it was like to be a kid . i  personally  am somewhere between the second and third . i can vividly remember when my taste in movies wasn ', t so weird or diverse ( the names godard and kubrick weren ', t even a glimmer in my right eye back then )  when i would tune in every sunday night for a couple years to see abc ', s " wonderful world of disney  " where they ', d show you a live - action and / or made - for - tv disney flick an hour per week . i can remember my mom taking my sister and i along with all my friends and their mothers to see all the rereleased disney films ( like " lady and the tramp " and " pinnochio " ) . and  most sadly  i remember every single christmas  without fail  there were a barage of children ', s animated half - hour shows  made exclusively for the christmas season  that i wouldn ', t dare missing . i can even remember seeing the made - for - tv " parent trap ii " on tv one night  and after i had seen that one over and over and over again  i saw the original " parent trap . " it ', s more of a late childhood movie  because it deals with the issue of divorce  but it deals with it in a disney - ized version . it ', s playful  and witty  and charming  and if i saw it for the first time right now  having never experienced that part of my childhood  i ', d probably dismiss it . i ', d probably do the same for the new version of the same movie if i hadn ', t seen the original at such a perfect age . watching it  i could remember what fun it was to watch a disney film  and how divorce for me started to get me thinking about the possibilities of my seemingly - perfect parents splitting up  and how it affected my adolescence . and also how it brushed that fear off with a smooth stroke  and pointed out that even in the most fucked - up of situations  things could always work out if you  well  manipulate things a bit  at least for the better . this new version did that for me  but it ', s also charming in its own way . it has a new cast  a contemporary feel  and  for the first time in awhile for a live - action - disney flick  a tone that isn ', t corny or condescending  but just right . the moments that would otherwise seem corny are actually affecting in a safe kind of way . and for the first time since the original film  the kids actually know better than the foolish adults . the story is basically classic by now  repeated almost as many times as kurosawa ', s " the seven samurai " : a pair of twins ( played here by lindsay lohan  just like they were played by hayley mills in the original ) are separated at birth by their divorcing parents . one  annie  is sent to live with the mother ( natasha richardson  resembling her mother  vanessa redgrave  more than i had ever noticed ) in london  where she lives with her parents and her devoted  foppish butler ( simon kunz )  as she works as a swingin ', fashion designer . she grows up refined and classy  but also with a keen knowledge in sports and poker - playing . the other  hallie  is sent to northern california with her father ( dennis quaid ) to live on a vineyard with their pseudo - maid ( lisa ann walter )  and grows up rugged yet charming . they both meet at the same camp  one that annie wants to go to to become more rugged . they feud because they look all - too similar  and are thus in tight competition  which results in some nasty pranks  which winds them in seclusion together in a private  out - of - the - way cabin . there  they become friends  then learn about eachother . once they know everything  they concoct a scheme to switch places so the one can meet the other parent  whom they ', ve only heard of . they learn about eachother ', s lives in detail  they make sure they look alike ( which requires hair cutting and  notoriously  ear - piercing - a scene which is like the kiddie version of the hypodermic needle scene in " pulp fiction " )  and when the end of summer comes  they switch and hope for the best . lindsay lohan doesn ', t necessarily copy the acting style of hayley mills in the original . but she comes off just as appealing as she did once . she does  though  add a couple new things : she makes the california twin a little more appealing and the london twin a bit more frank and snobbish than the snotty and proper original  respectively . she also adds on an american and british accent to each one  with one faking the other accent throughout  and if you really take notice  you can see that the fake ones ', accents aren ', t exactly perfect . she ', s also incredibly appealing  not merely cute  which is especially notable since this is her first feature film  and we know how notorious child actors are  especially in their first films . she makes a great protagonist  and it only helps that the supporting cast is equally appealing . dennis quaid  in fact  hasn ', t been this likable in about a decade - his big dumb smile and near cocky attitude is what has made him a notable actor in the past  not just that he ', s mr . meg ryan . ditto natasha richardson ( except that she just hasn ', t ever been this likable period ) . the two make a winning couple  maybe not so winning as maureen o ', hara and the late brian keith in the original  but they still work for this film . instead of the bickering that ensued in the original  the film adds another dimension and another angle to their characters that was amiss in the original : during the opening credits  we see glimpses from their courtship on the qe2  where they fall quickly and madly in love with eachother  and when back together again  the film ', s more smarmy scenes come off as actually sentimental  but in that great way  not the migraine - inducing way as in many such films . this all brings this new " parent trap " to a level of entertainment that hasn ', t really existed since  well  the original film years ago  still my money the best live - action - disney flick of all time . this is because it has a form of intelligence and wit that makes such plot points as an otherwise standard villainous love interest subplot ( a gold - digging sharon stone type  played by elaine hendrix  who ', s deliciously tormented by the twins later on in the film ) a treat instead of a bore . like the original  this film transcends all the crap that it very well could be ( case in point : " it takes two " starring the olsen twins ) because it treats the children as the smart ones  and the adults as the silly ones  not the other way around . and because  above everything  it knows exactly how to be charming without biting off more than it can chew . however  in comparison with the original  it could be a bit better . certain scenes work well  but not nearly as well as they worked in the original . i liked the way the parents fought over past dilemnas and then fought over falling in love again better than i liked watching two old flames getting back together over a bottle of wine - somehow  feuding is always more cinematic and pleasing than mere reminscing  a lesson extracted from the howard hawks / cary grant films of yesteryear . and as much as this film transcends mere cutedom  compared to the original  this film almost drowns in cutedom . the original  though not gritty  was far more stylized and just as suitable for adult audiences as it was for young audiences . as such  this remake may never be nearly as great or classic as the original film  but it at least knows how to treat its source material with dignity and respect  and how to create virtually the same effects without bordering on plagerism or petty annoyances .
pos gere  willis  poitier chase each other around the world the jackal a film review by michael redman copyright 1997 by michael redman when the soviet union imploded  the western countries lost their shadow . with the united states friendly with the russians  we no longer had an entity to blame for the world ', s problems . this showed up in hollywood films as the communist government was no longer the easy bad guy . it ', s time to rejoice because we ', ve found our new villain . now it ', s no longer the russian government who sends killers out into foreign lands  it ', s the russian _mafia_ . a perfect solution  it combines the dread of organized crime and the still - present uneasiness with the former eastern block countries . best of all  the villains are still foreigners : fear of the other always plays best . so it is a crime lord in moscow that sends legendary hitman the jackal ( bruce willis ) to assassinate a highly placed us government figure in retaliation for the death of his brother during a nightclub raid . the fbi is at a loss as to how to protect the target from someone they ', re not sure even exists . coming to their rescue is former ira operative declan mulqueen ( richard gere ) who is temporarily released from prison to assist fbi agent carter preston ( sidney poitier ) and russian major valentina koslova ( diane venora ) . mulqueen ', s ex - girlfriend basque terrorist isabella ( mathilda may ) is the only person who has seen the elusive jackal . ( presumably there is an exclusive international terrorist club somewhere where the three met . ) the film follows two parallel tracks as the jackal prepares for his $ 70 million hit and mulqueen attempts to locate him while preston makes sure that the irishman doesn ', t slip away . crossing numerous borders and donning various disguises for both himself and his mini - van  the killer is always one step ahead of his pursuers . being very loosely based on the same book the 1973 thriller " the day of the jackal "  comparison between the two films is inevitable . there is no doubt that the original is the better movie  playing the story for suspense rather than the current action / adventure . as a mystery  " the jackal " has enough holes in it to ruin the tale  but if you can accept it for what it is  there ', s entertainment to be had . holes ? let ', s see ? a pivotal clue for mulqueen is so obscure that he must possess psychic powers to pick it up . for a 20 - year veteran that can command the big bucks  the jackal is an incredibly poor shot . the final scene between gere and willis occurs in a location that should be mobbed with police  but it ', s just the two of them . willis ', disguises usually look like bruce willis and are just as interesting as val kilmer ', s in " the saint " . ( and lest you misunderstand  that ', s not a compliment . ) but the three stars are fun to watch . it ', s good to see gere in something other than a business suit . willis has a mixed history in picking projects  but his characters are always watchable . poitier is by far the superior actor  but has limited screen time . the problems in logic are flaws  but don ', t ruin the experience . occasionally there are movies that transcend their blemishes . this is one of them . [ the appeared in the 11 / 20 / 97 " bloomington voice "  bloomington  indiana ]
pos it ', s terribly unfortunate that " stir of echoes  " tautly written and directed by david koepp ( who made one of 1996 ', s unsung treasures  " the trigger effect " )  should be released little more than a month after " the sixth sense  " which is still going strong at the box office . these two films are undoubtedly going to be compared ( judging from practically all of my fellow audience members last night )  and although they have eerily similar storylines  " stir of echoes " is more of a straightforward psychological horror film  while " the sixth sense " is closer to a psychological drama . additionally  while " the sixth sense " had a shocker of an ending that undoubtedly has been one of the major factors in its recent repeat business  " stir of echoes " is more conventional and predictable in its final twist . and where " the sixth sense " was disturbing  " stir of echoes " is just plain scary . i have a feeling most viewers are going to come away unimpressed because of the unavoidable similarities  and will foolishly forget to judge this film on its own respectable merits . adapted from a novel by richard matheson that was written some forty years ago  " stir of echoes " opens with a cute six - year - old boy named jake ( zachary david cope ) who is taking a bath . he is speaking directly at the screen  but we immediately have a feeling someone else is there . finally  he asks  " does it hurt to be dead ? " apparently jake sees the ghosts of dead people  but unlike " the sixth sense  " this young child isn ', t the focus of the picture . instead  tom witzy ( kevin bacon )  a chicago lineman  is our protagonist . jake is his son  and maggie ( kathryn erbe )  whom has just discovered she is six weeks pregnant  is his hard - working wife . one night while at a party with their closest friends  tom convinces maggie ', s new - age sister  lisa ( illena douglas )  to try and hypnotize him . it unexpectedly works  and before long  tom is seeing things he wouldn ', t normally see  including a deceased teenage girl ( jenny morrison ) in his house who happens to have been missing for the last six months . seeking help from lisa  she tells him that  while he was under hypnosis  she told him that after he awoke  his mind will remain clear and free  like an opened door . she didn ', t expect it to work  but it did  and the only way to stop it is for tom to somehow find a way to help this girl he sees . " stir of echoes " isn ', t a perfect film by any stretch of the imagination  but in the thick  atmospheric mood it conjures up  it is a terrifically eerie domestic horror - drama  and is not only effective on a technical level  but is impressive in its portrayal of a struggling working - class family . kevin bacon and  especially  kathryn erbe ( 1997 ', s " dream with the fishes " )  are top - notch and exceedingly believable as a loving married couple who nonetheless have their fair share of problems . after tom is hypnotized and starts seeing ghastly visions  he is completely taken over by his desire to solve this mystery of the disappearing girl whom he has seen lurking in his house  and instead of maggie not being understanding  she instead believes what tom says  and aside from being a little worried by what he is going through  does not try to stop his pursuit . bacon and erbe are not traditional hollywood stars like tom cruise and julia roberts  and therefore  are easier to relate to and always plausible as a struggling couple who have to work overtime at their jobs just to make ends meet . in a masterfully - done  entrancing sequence  tom is hypnotized by lisa  but instead of watching him  we instead see what he sees  starting from his view as he closes his eyes into darkness . lisa tells him to visualize being in an empty movie theater  and so  we  as audience members  are watching a movie screen from inside a theater  which is also showing a movie screen in a theater . telling him to move closer and closer to the screen as a fuzzy word in black letters pops up on the screen  we begin to float closer and closer to the front of the theater until we see that the word is " sleep . " never before have i seen a hypnotism scene as mesmerizing and brilliantly - construed as this one . truthfully  this set - piece  and another in which tom wakes up from a nightmarish dream only to quickly discover he is reliving what he has just dreamt  are worth the full price of admission alone  just to see them on the big screen . having loads of fun with her small role as maggie ', s sister  lisa  illeana douglas ( 1995 ', s " to die for  " her last great character ) is a delight  but rarely used to her full advantage in feature films . funny and enjoyably offbeat  douglas gets to utter the best line in the film : while talking to maggie about tom ', s visions of the girl  she remarks  " i wouldn ', t be worried about him seeing another girl  although the fact that she ', s dead gives one pause . " also of note are jenny morrison ( 1994 ', s " intersection " )  who is truly poignant in the last half of the film when we flash back to see what really happened to her missing character  and liza weil  remarkable in 1998 ', s " whatever  " as morrison ', s grieving teenage sister  debbie . if the resolution of " stir of echoes " does not live up to its obviously frightful full potential ( and it doesn ', t )  what comes before is both involving and appropriately gritty . the music score  by james newton howard  and unsettling use of whispers and ghostly sound effects  successfully compliment and foreshadow the off - kilter frame - of - mind that tom is put into  and director david koepp proves once again that he is a director with a knack for creating almost unbearably tense situations that revolve around realistically - written characters . " stir of echoes " isn ', t as good as " the sixth sense  " but why should it need to be ? both films are fully capable of standing on their own two feet  and " stir of echoes " really is a spinetinglingly good horror film .
pos usually when a blockbuster comes out  it ', s loaded with effects  stars  bad scripts  and plenty of action . mystery men may contain an all - star cast  and efects  but the clever script and characters are what really works  which is rare to see this year . the film is based upon the comic book series " the flaming carrot " by bob burden  in which 3 wanna be super heroes try and fight crime  only to be out done by the real hero of champion city  captain amazing ( greg kinnear ) . things go a little haywire  when the sinister casanova frankenstein ( geoffrey rush ) is released into the city  where he captures captain amazing  and plans to wreak havoc upon champion city . well  the trio decide to take matters in their own hands  by saving the city  but first they need some assitance . this is where the film takes a turn for the better . in the beggining  there were only 3 wanna be heroes . " blue raja ( hank azaria )  " mr . furious ( ben stiller ) and " the shoveller ( william h . macy ) . sure they were enterataining  but their acts grew old fast . that is until they aquire " invisible boy " ( kel mitchell )  and " the bowler " ( janeane garafalo ) and " mr . splein " ( paul reubens )  2 of which rescue the film from becoming a disastorous mess . thankfully  the original 3 heroes become amusing  with some support of reuben and garfalo on screen . the whole premise is rather ridiculous  but packs a few punches to keep interest . for one  the film is considerably clever . it literally pokes fun at super hero films  like batman and robin  superman etc . in fact  many scenes are similar to batman and robin  including the opening sequence  only altered in a humorous and superior way . a part of the cleverness comes from the cast . sometimes a film with such talent is overblown  but the acting is what keeps it alive here . while azaria and macy were enteratining  2 characters really stood out . one was paul reuben . no matter how disgusting or revolting " mr . splein " may be  you still can ', t help but laugh . it ', so incredibly moronic  it ', s just a riot watching reuben relieve himself of bodily functions . janeane garafalo also was an interesting character . she seemed to be the most outgoing and convincing character on screem  due to her enthusiasm  that kept the film flowing . men is worth seeing alone  for those 2 troubled heroes . on the downside  a few of the heroes and especially the villain never really lift off . kel mitchell and geoffrey rush  were both utterly useless . their parts were so limited  they ', d be lucky at all to be on screen for more than 20 minutes . ben stiller too was wasted  mostly because of his unlikeable power and dialogue . none of these characters get a rise out of anybody  but happily they are lost in the charming flow of the film . as far as the budget goes  it was wisely spent on the cast  not the effects . while the set designs and action all look nice  i ', m glad there was a seperate aspect  that the film focused on  and for that i applaud . slow at times  and rather pointless  mystery men still delivers . it forgets about money making  because it ', s not likely to make a bundle like it ', s proceeders  and that ', s what works . stupid ? maybe  but for once i ', m not disappointed . no one expected an intelligent film  but you get a film thats wit captures your attention and makes you forget this miserable year .
pos review - peter jackson ', s the frighteners has received some notice for setting the record for most computer effects ever in a movie  and still coming in at the extremely cheap $ 30 million price tag . but for those who were dismayed by this year ', s blockbusters like twister and independence day  the frighteners has much more to offer than special effects . and for those worried wether or not peter jackson would compromise to hollywood you can rest easily . the frighteners is as far removed from hollywood as a high - profile movie can get . michael j . fox stars as frank bannister  a con artist who can speak to ghosts . he uses this ability to set up a scam in a small town where his ghost buddies scare the hell out of people  then he comes and pretends to get rid of them . this is how he has made a living ever since his wife died in a car crash 5 years ago . frank ', s latest customers are a young couple  played by trini alvarado and peter dobson . when dobson ends up dead  alvarado starts to take an interest in fox . but dobson ', s spirit is still around as he refuses to beleive he ', s dead . this leads to a very awkward and amusing dinner date between fox and alvarado  with dobson tagging along as a ghost . things start getting complicated for fox when he is accused for a series of murders taking place in the town . fox sees someone named the soul collector crushing the heart of the victims  but noone else can see that . so when fox shows up to try and save each victim  naturally people suspect he is the killer . fox sees that alvarado is next on the soul collector ', s hit list  and the last half hour of the movie deals with fox ', s attempts to save her from this evil spirit . there are many wonderful twists and turns in the screenplay written by peter jackson and frances walsh . the movie starts off as a black comedy  and ends up a horror - action film . the mix between these genres are perfect . no laughs are sacrificed in the name of horror  and vice versa . one point of contention might be a lackluster score by danny elfman . but that hardly seems like a flaw when you have such a diverse cast all in top form . michael j . fox delivers one of his best performances to date as a man who hides the sorrow of his wife ', s death  and then is forced to confront this later on . alvarado  looking like andie macdowell  makes a great frightened  tough  and smart heroine . and jeffery combs  as a paranoid fbi agent  is brilliantly bizaare . the frighteners never once feels like it is running long . the first hour is as funny as any comedy this year  and the last half hour is as thrilling as any of the big budget blockbusters . this movie is probably what casper would ', ve looked like if david lynch directed it . it ', s easily the best film of the year  so far .
pos before you read my review  you gotta know that i love woody allen . this is a very important note because allen ', s films are generally an acquired taste and definitely not for everyone . i know folks who believe him to be a complete genius  while others see him as a dirty ol ', schnook who keeps making the same movie over and over again . i love most of his films  but will admit to having been quite disappointed by his recent crop during the 90s . in fact  why he felt the need to make 10 movies in those 10 years is beyond me ! if you look at the quality of those films  you ', ll hear what i ', m saying . the only two films of his that i really liked during that time were bullets over broadway and husbands and wives . in fact  i secretly hoped that he would take some " time off " at the turn of the millennium  just to re - energize or something  but it doesn ', t appear as though he has any intention of doing that . so here i am again  reviewing yet another woody allen movie and hoping that it brings back the woody from the days of old . plot : the year is 1940 and woody allen is a top - notch insurance investigator . his methods are very old - fashioned and apparently out of date . a new employee ( hunt ) has just been hired to streamline the operations for greater efficiency . the two do not like each other . one night  they are both put under a hypnotic trance by a magician  and unbeknownst to them  placed under his control . soon thereafter  jewels are stolen  words of love are exchanged and everyone is looking for an answer . critique : a wonderful recreation of the 1940s style movies  with the fast - talking witty banter between co - workers  a catchy jazz score moving things along  film noirish elements such as the veronica lake - type sexpot  one - liners galore and a fluffy  if inconsequential plotline . on the downside  the film actually starts off pretty slowly  with the first hour tossing only a few guffaws out there  but never really generating any kind of steady flow or energy . the sets  on the other hand  were amazing  the production design and costumes were perfect  and the casting ideal  so i kept hoping that the film would pick up and not turn into yet another mediocre outing for the man . but it wasn ', t not long before i was fully engaged by the characters  entertained by the many zingers delivered back - and - forth between allen and hunt  and actually interested in the resolution of the flick . i also appreciated how allen played the fine line between homage to the films of old  parody and actual reinvention ( note theron ', s entire female persona that is drenched in film noir - very cool ) . of course  films like this ( with little or no real tension in the plot ) need solid actors to keep you interested in the quick - fire dialogue  and once again  allen does a great job in playing his character  who for once  isn ', t his typical new york jewish neurotic cheating insecure husband dude . he actually plays a " macho " guy here and handles it pretty well  especially the scenes in which he ', s hypnotized . but the bigger surprise for me in this film was helen hunt  an actress who i was openly " sick of seeing " in movies late last year ( sorry babe  you were just in too many at the same time ! ) . anyway  she ', s really great in this film as the headstrong woman looking to a new era of equality amongst men  and doesn ', t miss a beat of allen ', s fast - paced dialogue . i didn ', t care much for her running joke about him " dying " whenever he left a room  but overall she was really good and i especially liked the way that her sweaters clung to her breasts as they did . . . yum  yum ! harumph  but i digress . so let ', s recap . a great looking picture with a nice jazzy score  some funny one - liners  especially in the second half  a decent plotline  although you shouldn ', t expect a real mystery or anything  and some solid acting all around . i can ', t say that this is even remotely close to any of allen ', s best work  but i certainly believe it to be a step in the right direction  especially after the dinky decade of films that he just went through . it ', s probably better geared towards allen fans more than anyone else  but i would still recommend this film to anyone looking for a cute  " old - school " kind of vibe  with chemistry between the leads  zippy dialogue and a satisfying conclusion . little known facts about this film and its stars : annie hall ( 10 / 10 ) - celebrity ( 5 / 10 ) - everyone says i love you ( 5 / 10 ) - husbands and wives ( 9 / 10 ) - mighty aphrodite ( 5 / 10 ) - small time crooks ( 7 / 10 ) - when harry met sally ( 10 / 10 ) - you ', ve got mail ( 4 / 10 )
pos susan granger ', s review of " legally blonde " ( m . g . m . ) it ', s a " pretty in pink " / " clueless " coming - of - age story for the new millennium as elle woods ( reese witherspoon )  a perky southern california sorority queen  switches from fashion to law in order to win back her yuppy boyfriend ( matthew davis ) . the girl - power story begins as this sweetheart of delta nu is unceremoniously dumped by a bonehead who says : " if i ', m going to be a senator by the time i ', m 30 . . . i need to marry a jackie  not a marilyn . " determined to prove she ', s as smart a snobby brunette ( selma blair ) from country - club connecticut  elle not only applies to harvard law school but gets in  much to the amazement of family  friends and faculty . once there  this flaxen - haired fish - out - of - water not only survives but tenaciously thrives  befriending a local manicurist ( jennifer coolidge )  dazzling a professor ( victor garber ) and rescuing a defendant ( ali larter ) in a celebrated boston murder trial  plus finding a more worthy beau ( luke wilson ) . in the tradition of teen - comedy film - maker john hughes and his disciple amy heckerling  there ', s wit  cheerfulness  a fidelity of observation and a penchant for problem - solving . first - time feature director robert luketic is blessed with reese witherspoon who ', s joyously incandescent in this utterly formulaic light comedy written by karen mccullah lutz and kirsten smith  based on a soon - to - be - published novel by amanda brown . the supporting cast is terrific  particularly raquel welch and holland taylor - and i particularly got a kick out of the gag of elle distributing scented resumes in pink  her signature color on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10  " legally blonde " is a frivolous  funny  feel - good 8 . filled with ditzy blonde ambition  it ', s a movie for high - school kids that their parents would be happy to have them see .
pos what do you get when you combine clueless and dumb and dumber ? to answer the question  you get director david mirkin ', s new comedy romy and michele ', s high school reunion . romy white ( mira sorvino  mighty aprhodite ) and michele weinberger ( lisa kudrow  tv ', s friends ) have been inseparable buddies since they graduated from sagebrush high in 1987 . however  when former classmate heather mooney ( janeane garafolo  the truth about cats and dogs ) confronts romy about the 10 year reunion  she is astounded that she forgot . watching pretty woman for the um - teenth time  they are reminded of how they wouldn ', t let julia roberts ', character shop in the expensive stores because of her appearance . then it hits them : they are not successful . what are she and michele going to do ? romy ', s instant solution is lose some weight off their already slender frames  " bag a couple of boyfriends  " and get jobs . romy says this will be easy  but michele retorts that if it is so easy  why hadn ', t they already done it . robin schiff ', s script keeps the show moving with some nice one - liners . one of the best has romy reminiscing about her life ', s battle against the bathroom scales . " i was so lucky getting mono  " she says looking at her thinnest high school picture . " that was like the best diet ever . " the casting for the film is so perfect that one begins to suspect that the leads were chosen and then the script was developed . romy and michele use their high school yearbook to discuss the caste system at their high school . the film ', s editor david finfer dissolves the stills from the yearbook to live action flashbacks which makes the past come to life . at sagebrush high  the hierarchy consisted of the a group ( cheerleaders )  the b group ( drama club ) and the c group ( nerds ) . romy and michele were none of the above . ridiculed as " the weirdoes  " they were constant targets for abuse . even though they were quite attractive  they had so much fun being together that they did not care about the others . that they make their own outlandish clothes helped keep the wall around them . complementing romy and michele ', s lightness  is janeane garofalo as the dark  pudgy heather mooney . heather  who invented a new cigarette paper for cigarettes with " twice the taste in half the time for the gal on the go  " has the success and the money that they would like . heather was even more of an outsider than they were in high school . garofalo ', s one - dimensional role is only a side show . this is a two person film with the other characters there merely for the two leads to bounce their lines off of . the genuine chemistry between sorvino and kudrow makes for a sweet and sometimes touching comedy . they have so much fun acting out their parts  their enjoyment spreads to the audience . ])
pos martin scorsese ', s triumphant adaptation of edith wharton ', s the age of innocence is a stunning film for the quintessential new york filmmaker  the man who brought the streets of taxi driver and mean streets to life . it seems like an odd choice for scorsese to do a period piece in the early 1900 ', s  but the fact that he pulls it off so brilliantly is a wonder  and a testament to the greatness of scorsese as a filmmaker . this is a gorgeous visual experience that it surely one of scorsese ', s finest . newland archer ( day - lewis ) is a prestigious lawyer who is engaged to may welland ( ryder )  a somewhat empty and shallow new yorker  who belongs to a prestigious family and is quite beautiful . the marriage is one which will unite two very prestigious families  in a society where nothing is more important than the opinions of others . on the day that archer is to announce his engagement to may  countess ellen olenska ( pfeiffer )  cousin of may  walks into archer ', s life . archer is immediately captivated  and finds himself in love with ellen . archer is also bound by the limits of new york society  which is an intrusive as any other in the world . archer finds himself having a secret love affair in his mind with countess olenska  attempting to keep her in his mind while trying not to lose his social status . the film ', s subject matter may seem alien to scorsese  but the theme is definitely not . it is a theme of forbidden romance  guilty pleasures  and the consequences causes because of those actions . there is a painstakingly flawed hero  and his choice between the life he wants  and the life he is destined for . in truth  it is a film about a society the audience doesn ', t know about  but wants to find out more  much like the society of goodfellas or even kundun . the performances are absolutely breathtaking . day - lewis portrays more mental anguish in his face than one man should be forced to take . pfeiffer is marvelous as countess olenska  a mix of passion and beauty that the audience would die for as well . ryder is probably the gem of the group  for it is her quiet presence that overwhelms the plot  and slowly pushes day - lewis closer and closer to his eventual ending . the supporting cast is also wonderful  with several characters so singular that they are indelible in one ', s memory . scorsese definitely has a passion for filmmaking . his lavish and sumptuous set design and marvelous recreation of new york is a wondrous sight . he literally transports the viewer to another world with incredible imagery . his script is also excellent  slow in buildup  with a rapid conclusion and a fantastic ending that has to be seen to be believed . it is difficult to make a period piece gripping : scorsese  however  does it beautifully . the famous cameras of the legendary director are also everywhere . he is patient  but he films everything and anything remotely important . the cameras sweep  pan  track  and do more than they ', ve ever done  but they are so subtle  one doesn ', t realize he ', s watching all the scorsese hallmarks until a 2nd viewing . the central tracking shot is probably longer and more complex than the famous goodfellas shot  but the viewer doesn ', t notice it  because we want to see more of this gorgeous world . there are a few deft touches of filmmaking that are simply outstanding  and joanne woodward ', narration is exquisite . not a fast film like goodfellas  this shares more in common with kundun than anything else . and like kundun  this is a slow - starting film that truly shines  when given the chance to fully breathe and bloom in the end . a beautiful film by a director continuing to challenge himself year after year .
pos plot : a dude and his brother are driving cross - country and decide to fool around with a trucker on their cb radio . it isn ', t long before their little prank gets someone put into a coma ( long story ) and the next thing you know  the trucker is following them too . lotsa nuttiness ensues and then  they pick up their other friend  venna  a girl who the dude has a crush on . but what ', s this . . . ? the trucker is still on their tail and is now harassing all three of the young whippersnappers . . . ? you bet ! buckle up  dorothy . . . this is gonna be one bumpy ride ! critique : a good ol ', time at the movies ! here ', s a film that actually gives away most of its plotline in its trailer and doesn ', t really bring anything " new " to the forefront ( if you ', ve seen flicks like duel and breakdown  you ', ve crossed this path before )  but still manages to entertain you gangbusters  with realistic situations  believable characters  funny moments  thrills  chills  the whole shebang . let ', s give it up for director john dahl  who continues to put out solid films every other year ( if you haven ', t seen red rock west  do yourself a favor right now  and jot it down on a piece of paper and rent it at your earliest convenience ) . and much like that film  this one has an excellent premise and sets everything up at an even pace . it gives you a little bit of background on each of the main three characters  and then shows you how one small prank  can lead to a whole lotta trouble for everyone ! paul walker really surprised me in this movie  since i ', ve never much thought of him as anything more than a pretty face ( and damn  is it ever pretty or what ? ! ) but here  he actually manages to put some depth behind the looks and that ', s always appreciated in films in which you are so closely tied to the main characters . sobieski is also good  but she isn ', t in the movie for as long as you ', d think  but the man who really takes this film to another level  is steve zahn . if you ', ve loved this guy as the " goofball " in most of his previous roles  you ', ll appreciate him even more here  as the dude who starts off as one of the most manic and excited human beings i ', ve seen in quite some time ( " this is so awesome ! ! " )  only to turn into a man scared out of his wits by the end of the flick . and speaking of the ending  boy  does this movie deliver some chilling moments during its final 15 clicks or what ? ! ? the arrow and i were practically in each others arms ( well  maybe i ', m exaggerating  but you catch my drift ) as each minute brought about another turn of events which in turn  took it all to an even higher level . once again  kudos to director dahl for being able to generate that type of intensity  suspense and tension  with a great score  editing  style and camerawork . plot - wise  i too did wonder how the " bad guy " was able to track them so well  but it didn ', t really bother me all that much ( you can assume that he had bugged their car ? ) . but pretty much everything else in the story stuck like glue and i couldn ', t help but put myself in their shoes and appreciate their thoroughly desperate circumstance . a great movie with an even cooler ending  this film will likely be remembered as one of the better thrillers of the year . " this is amazing ! ! ! " where ', s joblo coming from ? american psycho ( 10 / 10 ) - deep blue sea ( 8 / 10 ) - eye of the beholder ( 4 / 10 ) - the fast and the furious ( 7 / 10 ) - final destination ( 8 / 10 ) - the glass house ( 6 / 10 ) - no way out ( 8 / 10 )
pos wyatt earp has a lot to tell and little to say . this story of the legendary lawman runs three hours and nine minutes and that ', s too long for this epic - wannabe that plays more like a tv mini - series than a movie . the story opens on the earp family farm  with young wyatt ready to run away from home . he wants to fight in the civil war  but his dad ( hackman ) has different ideas and wants his son to study law . time passes and wyatt heads west  returns home to marry  and  after a spell  begins his career in law enforcement . by the time he ( costner ) and his brothers ( madsen  david andrews  and linden ashby ) arrive in tombstone  wyatt has tried his hand at everything from hunting buffalo to dealing cards . wyatt earp is very appealing in places -- such as cast  costumes  and cinematography -- but an overstated story and overpowered score deaden most of the emotional impact . who can be moved by scene after scene after scene of swelling strings and suffocating speeches ? somber is fine -- just ask clint eastwood -- but this film that boasts not one  not two  but three  count ', em three  hammy death scenes ! still  a little bit of earp goes a long way and the life and times of the legendary lawman are from uninteresting stuff . his  uh  unusual relations with women  for example  are an intriguing contrast to his character ', s credo of " nothing counts as much as blood . " equally amusing is a buffalo - hunting ( and skinning ! ) sequence that is decidedly non - pc . director lawrence kasdan takes a refreshingly realistic approach to the gunplay . the infamous gunfight at the ok corral is both brutal and brief  devoid of almost any theatrics . don ', t look for much glorified violence here . despite some large exclamation points in the story  the characters * do * come to life . the diverse cast includes everyone from betty buckley ( ! ) to mackenzie astin ( ! ! ) . kevin costner is very good in the title role . dances with whitney nevers get as steely as the role requires  though  but his transformation from lighthearted law student to stoic sheriff is fun to watch . he was tougher in a perfect world . his foil is dennis quaid  who pulled a deniro by losing 40 + pounds to play the tubercular terror doc holliday . gaunt * and * gamely  he ', s a scene stealer who ', s seen too little . other familiar faces include tom sizemore ( looking like bruce mcgill )  bill pullman ( looking like jeff daniels )  and lea thompson ( looking like someone other than lea thompson ) . both gene hackman and isabella rosselini appear and disappear like magic  while late entries catherine o ', hara and jobeth williams are surprisingly solid . though the story and score should ', ve tried " less is more  " all other credits are technical tops . production designer ida random  art director gary wissner  and costume designer colleen atwood are some of the vips who helped spend what must ', ve been an enormous budget . clearly no expense was spared .
pos when i first heard that kevin costner was making a movie called " the postman  " i thought  " an american version of ', il postino ? ', starring costner ? god help us ! " when i found out that it was not a remake of " postino " but an postapocalyptic epic  i thought  " ', landworld ? ', please  god  make him stop ! " as it turns out  " the postman " is a much better film than i had expected . despite being set in 2013  the movie is  at heart  a western : a band of thugs terrorizes peaceful villagers ; a wandering hero opposes the bandits and inspires others to fight back . the setting  however  allows that familiar plot to take on greater significance : american society has collapsed due to plagues and wars  and survivors live behind barracades in isolated villages . the struggle of a dead society to be reborn has a grand quality and deserves the epic scale costner grants it . costner ', s nameless character  a wandering actor  rides in from the vast wasteland and is soon shanghaied into the service of general bethlehem ( will patton )  a former copy - machine salesman turned bandit king . our hero escapes and discovers the body of a dead postman . taking the uniform and bag of mail  he passes himself off as a representative of " the restored united states . " he is shocked at the hope that he inspires in the people he meets . one young disciple  ford lincoln mercury ( larenz tate )  organizes a full - scale postal service . ford spreads the postman ', s message of hope until bethlehem finds that the once - meek villagers are beginning to resist his rule . as war breaks out between bethlehem ', s army and the postal workers  costner ', s character steps into the legend he created and goes from self - centered loner to leader of the revolution . his lie of the restored united states becomes a self - fulfilling prophecy . " postman " is an odd blend of a bleak setting and a message of wide - eyed optimism ( sort of " sergio leone meets frank capra " )  but its treatment of hope and renewal is compelling . what could have been another knock - off of " the road warrior " ( like " waterworld " was ) surprises the viewer with a sensitively told story of nobility emerging from rubble . tate is the stand - out in the movie ', s large cast . ford lincoln mercury ( self - named ) is the polar opposite of o - dog  tate ', s character in his debut film  " menace ii society " ( 1993 )  and tate makes ford ', s innocent belief in hope as convincing as o - dog ', s cynicism and brutality . his performance sells the movie . interestingly  as tate moves from his usual street - smart roles to youthful optimism  the soft - eyed patton  who usually plays nice guys  proves a disarming villain . olivia williams makes her film debut as the postman ', s love interest  abby . when they first meet  abby asks him to father her child because her husband is sterile . predictably  the husband is soon eliminated by the bandits  and abby is thrown back into the company of the hero . however  their relationship develops slowly as the emotional conflicts of both characters are explored ( she  torn by grief  guilt  and anger ; he  resisting his destiny ) . " the postman " is costner ', s best work thus far . perhaps that alone gives us hope for the future . . .
pos in zoolander  the world ', s most successful  influential and intellectually - challenged male model derek zoolander wonders  " is there more to life than being really really really good looking ? " obviously  the film ', s creator and star ben stiller asked a similar question when crafting a feature - length movie out of his hilarious vh1 / vogue fashion awards short - film subject : can there be more to this film than being really really really silly ? no  of course not  and it never aspires to be anything more . much like derek  zoolander is a sweet simpleton of a movie . it ', s not complex in either its social commentary or its comedy  and it never produces any gut - busting laughs ( except maybe a scene when derek ', s model roommates all die in a tragic " gasoline fight " accident -- a riotously funny take - off of tommy hilfiger ads ) . but it has a satisfying handful of strong chuckles  wild characters and performances  and mildly harsh potshots at the fashion industry to keep you amused . better yet  this exaggerated version of the original three - minute skit is only blown out to an efficient 95 minutes -- just enough time to string together its goofball plot without exhausting the gag . zoolander opens with several fashion bigwigs plotting to assassinate the prime minister of malaysia  since he wants to abolish child labor in his country and thus driving up their costs . fashion designer and criminal mastermind jacobim mugatu ( will ferrell ) drafts a plan to brainwash the dumbest fashion model to carry out the evil deed . enter derek  whose career is slumping as newcomer hansel ( owen wilson ) takes the spotlight . on the trail of mugatu ', s plot is time magazine reporter matilda jeffries ( stiller ', s real - life wife christine taylor )  and she ', s hoping to use mugatu ', s pawn derek to ultimately foil the scheme . much like the austin powers films  zoolander relies heavily on the strength of the talent involved  and this zany comedy features some of the funniest people in entertainment today . wilson is hysterical as the young  vain hansel . ferrell nearly steals the show from everyone as the flamboyant  freakish mugatu in the same way dr . evil upstages everyone in austin powers . jerry stiller -- ben ', s dad who ', s best remembered as frank costanza of seinfeld -- makes a priceless turn as derek ', s slimy agent maury ballstein . even ben stiller show alum andy dick shows up as a deranged  large - assed masseuse . as for ben stiller  it seems his derek has one gag : he ', s stupid  which plays out in some uproarious one - liners . unfortunately  taylor seems out of place and out of her league here . maybe it ', s just because i can ', t stop seeing her as marcia brady ( who she played in both brady movies )  making her unbelievable as a dowdy  brainy plain jane who hasn ', t had sex in two years . she leaves me pining for the cynicism of janeane garofolo  who would ', ve added real comic substance to the flimsy role . while zoolander is hardly highbrow  its screwball humor is welcome during these trying times  especially considering the gross lack of decent pickings in the theaters these days . zoolander ', s no masterpiece  but a very worthy distraction .
pos originally titled ', don ', t lose your head ',  this parody of the scarlet pimpernel story was the first carry on to be produced by rank film productions . two english fops  the ', powdered  be - wigged  be - ribboned ', sir rodney ffing ( sidney james ) and his counterpart lord darcy pew ( jim dale ) decide to travel to revolutionary france in an attempt to rescue their fellow french royalists and aristocrats from losing their heads by the guillotine . due to a series of machinations and disguises  they are largely successful . ffing becomes known as ', the black fingernail ', because he leaves a calling card behind which shows two fingers sticking up  one with a black fingernail . after the fingernail rescues a prominent royalist the duc de pommfrit ( charles hawtrey )  citizen robespierre ( peter gilmore ) orders the head of the secret police citizen ', the big cheese ', camembert ( kenneth williams ) and citizen bidet ( peter butterworth ) to follow the fingernail to england and do away with him . ( in fact  darcy and ffing are their coachmen ! ) once at calais  the fingernail meets jacqueline ( dany robin ) and they fall in love instantly . he tells her his identity and gives her his locket . when camembert realises that the fingernail is nearby  he searches the inn at calais and captures jacqueline  thinking that she is wearing a diguise and is really the fingernail ! jacqueline is imprisoned in the bastille and camembert  his love desiree dubarry ( joan sims )  and bidet all travel to london in pursuit of the fingernail . they pretend to be of noble stock  calling themselves the duc and duchesse de la plume de ma tante ( with bidet their assistant ) and are invited by darcy to a ball held by ffing . desiree finds out that ffing is the fingernail by wearing the locket around her neck  but she ends up falling in love with him . ffing attempts to stall camembert so that he can return to the bastille to rescue jacqueline  camembert has her moved to the ', chateau neuve ',  and a climactic sword - fight decides who will lose their heads at the end of the film ! a more complex story than most carry ons  this film enjoys good production values ( sets  costumes ) and an on - form cast . sid james is excellent as the english fop and black fingernail  kenneth williams excels as the evil camembert  and peter butterworth expertly plays the substantial part of camembert ', s thick - witted crony . other acting honours go to joan sims who is perfect as desiree and charles hawtrey who is excellent as the french aristo pommfrit . although it suffers from a disasterously over - long sword fight at the end of the film  it is largely successful due to the performances of the main stars  its slick and professional production  and its better - than - usual script . definitely one of the best of the series and a joy to watch .
pos if there is one thing that bothers me about hollywood films it ', s their predictable endings . the devil ', s advocate has the atypical hollywood ending  when everything that should happen does . unfortunately for the devil ', s advocate  this ending nearly collapses in on itself  and ruins the entire film . nevertheless  the film does provide two and a half hours of pure entertainment ( note to self : kill whomever was in charge of the previews for this film ) . i don ', t think i was quite prepared for this movie because the trailers made it appear to be some supernatural horror film about satan . well  it does contain this element  but what is not mentioned in the ads is the other plot elements ( and seemingly more interesting ones at that ) . the devil ', s advocate begins in florida with an ongoing trial in session . kevin lomax ( keanu reeves ) is the defense attorney  working for a client whom has been accused of raping a young girl . he ends up with a not - guilty verdict  despite an emotional testimony from the victim ( heather matarazzo ) . he leaves the courthouse with his lovely wife mary ann ( charlize theron ) where he is approached with an offer to travel to new york city to help choose a good jury . he accepts ( mainly after seeing the paycheck he will receive ) and he flies to new york with his wife . after proving his worth for selecting juries ( and his perfect winning streak in court )  the head of the firm  john milton ( al pacino )  asks him to work permanently as a criminal lawyer . he graciously accepts  where he is treated almost as a god . he is given an incredible apartment ( which is bigger than my entire house now )  and a hefty paycheck . his life seems to be on the rise . and of course  his life suddenly begins to waver and slowly decline . he is attracted to fellow employee christabella ( connie nielson )  and his wife begins to feel very lonely in her large apartment . mary ann takes up a friendship with a neighbor who always gives advice  especially if it is not wanted . meanwhile  kevin nabs a case surrounding alexander cullen ( craig t . nelson ) who apparently murdered three people . he spends hours upon hours with this case  while forgetting his loving wife  who may or may not be going insane . all of this while john milton may or may not be the devil himself . after a while  things turn completely upside - down  as kevin ', s wife claims to have seen monstrous images superimposed on her friends . a fellow employee is murdered in the park  and his mother ( judith ivey ) reveals information about kevin ', s real father . is it all just a big nightmare ? or is john milton really satan  playing tricks with kevin ', s life ? the devil ', s advocate plays out fairly straight - forward  but for some odd reason  the screenwriters wanted to surprise everyone by giving us something we don ', t expect . is this surprise conclusion supposed to make us feel good and go home without feeling depressed or disturbed ? if so  the devil ', s advocate messes up completely  and ironically  i felt more depressed because of the ending as is now  than i would have if it had ended ten minutes early . i went into the devil ', s advocate expecting a shocking horror film  and that is exactly what i got . i was settled in to be disturbed mentally and emotionally  and that is what i got . but what was the most disturbing and horrible aspect of the movie is the poor ending ( did i mention that i didn ', t like the ending ? ) . the producers of this film take you on a thrilling roller coaster ride and just as it is ending  they pull the rug out from under you . films like se7en and the usual suspects can survive with this surprise ending because it is expected  more or less . we know it is going to end in an unpredictable way . the devil ', s advocate  on the other hand  ends unpredictably  not from us knowing a lot  but knowing nothing at all . if that is confusing  i recommend watching the film  and then reading that again . as for the film overall  i enjoyed the entire first two hours  being drawn in by a terrific character study and then adding the supernatural plot to increase the tension build from the character study . the film runs like a well - built clock  slowly building until finally exploding with a highly charged climax ( and an unpredictable one at that ) . and then you settle in for a nice resolution  which does not occur . it was at this point that i felt cheated . taking us on a terror ride of intrigue  we follow kevin lomax around  as he is the centerpiece of the film . everything occurs from his perspective . he is our representation on screen ( sort of ) . but we are forced to witness a conclusion which makes most of the film seem like a game . i don ', t want to spoil the ending  so all i can say is go see the film and decide for yourself . perhaps the most shocking thing about the devil ', s advocate is the extreme amount of everything . it earned its r rating for a reason . there is plenty of nudity  sex  violence  gore  and then you have gore  violence  sex  and more nudity . this film really isn ', t subtle about anything  showing us everything . it actually surprises me that this film did not receive an nc - 17 rating  as it is quite harsh . however  the movie does have its merits  and nudity and sex are among those . i don ', t condone sex and nudity in films  but if its there  i might as well enjoy it . the biggest merit of this film is also the most interesting to watch . the confrontations between kevin lomax and john milton are entertaining  but what stands out amidst this extreme hatred is the decline of the wife  mary ann . portrayed by the extremely effective charlize theron  mary ann ', s problems are incredibly intense  and i found myself wanting to witness her decline . this may sound uncaring  but i wanted to watch because i felt sorry for her . she is the most interesting character on the screen  who is forced into a world where she is not wanted . something the devil ', s advocate contained actually shocked me for reasons other than extreme violence and nudity  especially for a film of this nature . the story actually has something to say about humanity . in one of the last scenes  john milton explains to kevin lomax the game god plays with his children ( he is satan  of course ) . he comments that it is human nature to lust and loathe in vanity . then  god sets up rules which contradict human nature . this semi - religious bashing is more humorous than frightening . what milton says is so true about our society that i found myself laughing out loud  partially thinking it was funny  but patially realizing it was true . these moral dilemmas are present throughout the devil ', s advocate  giving it an added depth many films skip over in their writing ( but i ', m sure they came straight from the novel it was based on ) . when a film has something to say about our society  it deserves to be watched . the cast of the devil ', s advocate is one of the highlights  as we see memorable faces  and they put spins on those memorable faces we don ', t expect . heather matarazzo makes a brief appearance as the terrorized victim in the opening court case  and she does a great job . probably the big surprise of this film is keanu reeves . he has proven himself an uneven actor ( successes such as speed and bombs such as johnny mnemonic )  but he tops himself with this performance . i have never seen him more believable to date . al pacino is of course the scene stealer . his devilish performance is equal to those of jack nicholson ( the witches of eastwick ) and max von sydow ( needful things ) . he could have easily gone too far over the top in many scenes  but he remains completely believable ( if that is the correct term ) . jeffrey jones ( mostly known as the principal in ferris bueller ', s day off ) also gives a good performance as eddie barzoon . judith ivey manages a credible performance as the mother who holds a secret to kevin ', s past . connie nielson is very effective in her role  and she also appears naked several times . one familiar face with a twist was " coach " star  craig t . nelson  who gives a very good performance . the devil ', s advocate is rated r for sexuality  nudity  violence  language  and some gore . at 144 minutes  this film moves along fairly quickly . for the first two hours  i sat completely engaged in the good performances and strong characters . the technical quality is also remarkable  with great special effects and a good musical score . director taylor hackford has managed to create a very disturbing motion picture  only to ruin a good chunk of tension with the final fifteen minutes . i guess my biggest problem with the ending is the fact that i went into the theater expecting a disturbing film  and hackford gave me just that for a long time . but just before the end  he got jitterish and relied on the hollywood safety net in order to make his film more mainstream . personally  i would have preferred it ending fifteen minutes early .
pos ingredients : down - on - his - luck evangelist  church synopsis : sonny dewey ( robert duvall ) is a tireless texas pentecostal preacher who unexpectedly catches his wife ( farrah fawcett ) in bed with another guy . in a regrettable crime of passion he takes a baseball bat to the guy ', s head  and suddenly finds himself a fugitive for murder  and estranged from his wife and two kids . to atone for his sins  sonny flees to a rural bayou town in louisiana and baptizes himself as a new creature - - the apostle e . f . as the apostle e . f . sonny ', s main mission is to revive an abandoned church community and preach the gospel at the local radio station . soon he sets about resurrecting the one way road to heaven holiness temple . but sonny knows his time is short ; one day the police will find him . opinion : this movie is a thought - provoking look at an evangelist in real life terms . i believe that robert duvall ( who is the producer  director  writer  and main star of the apostle ) deserves an oscar for his performance as sonny the religious crusader - - a performance which is so complex and realistic it ranks as one of the finest acting performances on film . duvall ', s portrayal of a true believer is authentic  superb  and inspired ; it offers the audience a completely honest look at southern religion  as well as a portrait of a fallible  complicated man driven by his beliefs . incidentally  in real life duvall was just as ', driven ', in getting the project underway . since no major hollywood studio wanted to risk financing a complex movie about an evangelist  the apostle as a project lay dormant for almost 13 years before duvall was able to get it done  paying for its production with his own money ( about five million dollars ) . in terms of hard - hitting realism and character portrayal the apostle would rank as one of the best movies of this decade  and i emphatically recommend the apostle for connoisseurs of stage and fine acting on film . similarly  those with a steep background in pentecostal christianity would find the apostle a thought - provoking experience . on the other hand  the apostle ', s main strength - - duvall ', s preaching - - is also what limits the apostle ', s target audience . in terms of plot and pure entertainment value  the apostle is definitely not for everyone . teenagers  action fans  comedy fans  and people who find church completely boring should stay far away from this movie  since three quarters of the film is watching sonny preach at church . in other words  the apostle is a four star performance  but with a very limited audience .
pos the most amazing thing about paul cox ', s innocence is how unlike a movie it is . i mean that as the highest compliment . if most studios were to profile an elderly couple who rekindle a 40 - year - old romance  i ', d want to run and hide . the sex scenes would be handled as a farce  producers would shed 20 years off the characters ', ages ( so susan sarandon and harrison ford could star ) and true love would shine through any obstacle without explanation and consequence . along with a charming romantic story  the australian / belgian innocence shows how an increasing sense of mortality combined with revisiting the past while being entrenched in the present can make something that seems so right seem downright questionable . the romance gets started when former musician andreas ( charles " bud " tingwell )  learns that his true love  claire ( julia blake )  lives nearby . they decide to catch up on old times  but soon find themselves in a reinvigorating affair . complicating matters is andreas ', frail health  and claire ', s longtime husband ( terry norris )  who can ', t understand why he ', s suddenly become obsolete . in my mind  the movie is less about the relationship between andreas and claire  than the feelings of everyone involved . john  claire ', s husband  endlessly questions what he did wrong . claire initially insists she ', s a grown - up  but admittedly behaves like a child  a prospect that thrills and disappoints her . andreas  an agnostic  begins to question his fate  a message cox delivers in a memorable dream sequence . cox litters the movie with flashbacks  including the repeated vision of a roaring train . it ', s a reminder of andreas and claire ', s past love ( as young lovers  they met by train )  but as it recurs  we get the feeling that the past and the present have clashed . a pall is cast on the whole affair . a master of the understated  cox strings together a series of memorable moments . in andreas ', dream sequence  amidst the roar of the train and conversations  we get the whole picture of andreas and claire ', s love . we also get glimpses into john and claire ', s relationship . during a silent candlelit dinner shortly afterward  claire admits to john about her indiscretion  telling more than any monologue could . all that ', s heard is the scraping of forks against plates . the characters are unlike anything i ', ve seen -- they ', re people . so many times  movies and especially television portray senior citizens as gratingly spunky . or they ', re reduced to comedic buffoons . ordinary people with a pile of emotions  claire and andreas aren ', t sure what the next step is . they do want to be happy  which consists of an entirely different set of conditions than what they ', ve known throughout their adult lives . bravo to cox  who wrote the script  for not making john a monster  so that claire ', s affair is automatically justified . norris is so effective as john that he makes andreas and claire ', s love difficult to accept . we feel for him . he ', s a decent man . sure  he may have become complacent  but he never expected this  especially now . with so much presented to the audience  it ', s only expected that the material gets a little drawn out and repetitive  which it does . however  in bringing up tough questions and not offering easy answers  cox displays a skill and ? lan isn ', t likely to be surpassed by anyone anytime soon .
pos contact is a film that tries to do several different things . it is intended to present a realistic picture of what alien contact might be like  to restore a sense of wonder and mystery to the issue of extraterrestrial life  to raise questions about science and faith and how they would be relevant in such a situation  and to tell a personal story of a romance between the astronomer dr . ellie arroway ( jodie foster ) and the religious spokesman palmer joss ( matthew mcconaughey ) . the film succeeds wonderfully at its first two goals . the portrayal of the communication from an alien world is much more reasonable ( albeit less immediately engaging ) than  say  the cold - blooded destructiveness of the invaders in independence day or even the complex process of abductions and genetic hybridization that forms the ongoing plot line of tv ', s the x - files . the aliens in contact seem to be like us - they are more curious than anything else . they know we exist  they want us to know that they exist  and they would like to make the next step and communicate in person . the film wisely refrains from showing us the aliens directly  and between the characters ', ongoing speculation about the extraterrestrials and the outstanding visuals in the climactic yet enigmatic scene when arroway arrives on the alien world  that sense of wonder and mystery comes through with a force rarely seen since stanley kubrick ', s 2001 : a space odyssey . most of the film  however  takes place on earth  where there is an extended public debate on how to respond to these aliens . scientists are enthusiastic  ultraconservative religious leaders are wary  and government officials are caught somewhere in between . the debate is fueled largely by dr . arroway ', s atheism ; she seems the obvious choice to pilot the spacecraft for which the aliens have provided blueprints  but many are wary of sending an atheist as humankind ', s representative to another species . the film is partly successful in raising and exploring these questions  especially when it reaches a conclusion that suggests that the two approaches - science and faith - could be viewed as complementary rather than diametrically opposed . still  the film falls a little short in its representation of this conflict as it exists in american society . the two " sides " are represented primarily by arroway and by far - right fundamentalists  but in reality probably 80 % of americans are neither atheists nor far - right fundamentalists . palmer joss occupies something of a middle ground  but he ultimately becomes distracted by personal motives and comes across as a less - than - ideal spokesman for any ideology . then again  the film does concentrate mostly on public debate  which does  after all  tend to be dominated by extremists  rather than on dinner - table or college - dormitory discussions . contact is accurate in its portrayal of these issues  then  but only within the narrow scope to which it confines itself . the film ', s one clear failure is in the portrayal of the romance between arroway and joss . for one thing  it resorts to the tired movie clich * that two attractive people will immediately fall in love as soon as they appear on the screen together  as there does not seem to be any other reason for their instant mutual attraction . the romance rarely  if ever  sheds any light on the characters  although it occasionally tries and fails - joss ', s explanation that he quit the priesthood because of the celibacy requirement ( " i guess you could say i ', m a man of the cloth  but without the cloth " )  for example  is more like a punchline to a joke than character development . instead  the romance mostly seems to exist for the sake of later plot developments . granted  this is a plot - and idea - driven film and the characters are secondary  but this just seemed like laziness on the writers ', part more than anything else . the successes of contact  however  far outweigh its failures . even if the social commentary had fizzled altogether ( which it didn ', t )  the simple yet mysterious story of alien communication still would have made it a memorable film . contact doesn ', t quite cover all the bases  but it covers about as much as one could hope for in a two - hour film  and its rejection of big - budget theatrics for a more realistic story is certainly admirable . and i would not be surprised if  ten years from now  contact is mentioned in the same breath as 2001 and blade runner as one of the finest examples of sophisticated and intellectually relevant science fiction .
pos billy bob thornton  who had a sudden rise to fame with 1996 ', s sling blade after spending years as a virtually unknown actor and writer  is becoming one of the most versatile - and most accomplished - american actors around at the moment . as jacob  the simple but at times very bright loser brother of bill paxton ', s hank  thornton gives a performance which should leave an indelible mark on all but the most hardened viewers . three men  hank ( paxton )  jacob ( thornton ) and their friend lou ( brent briscoe ) stumble upon a plane wreck which  upon closer inspection  yields a rotting corpse and a bag full of money . jacob and lou want to pocket the cash . hank  the smarter - and perhaps more naive - of the three  insists on leaving the money for the authorities to find . eventually  they agree to keep the cash safe until the plane is found  and then split the money three ways . things start going wrong  though  with greed and violence weaving their ways through their plan . disaster is sure to strike . director sam raimi  of the evil dead and darkman fame  has made an excellent and thought - provoking film  worlds away from the comic horror films which made his name . while there are a couple of moments which might remind one of his earlier work  raimi has made an intelligent and mature departure which will hopefully be a sign of even greater films to come . scott b . smith ', s screenplay  based on his novel ( which i haven ', t read ) is a fine example of escalating tension . while it does remind one of danny boyle ', s shallow grave without the abundance of black humour  it keeps the drama that should really be a part of such a story on morality  or the lack thereof  found in a film with this subject matter . alar kivilo ', s cinematography reminds one of joel and ethan coen ', s fargo  with the bleak  snowy landscape almost becoming another character . danny elfman also does well with his moody  finely - written score . if there ', s a flaw in the film  it ', s that it goes on for just a little too long . just when we think that they are about to wrap things up  raimi and smith decide to let the film go on a little further . while this isn ', t really a bad thing  it did become a little frustrating at times ( this may have been due to the fact that i had consumed a large sprite beforehand ) . the performances are excellent  with the usually annoying paxton in fine form and bridget fonda giving a scene - stealing turn as hank ', s scheming wife . this is an excellent showcase for thornton ', s fine skills as an actor and a great change in direction for raimi  who could very well have a career ahead of him as an accomplished director of dramatic films . fingers crossed  though  that this doesn ', t stop him from making another evil dead sequel .
pos tibet has entered the american consciousness slowly during the past few years and burst into the forefront recently . the dalai lama has made speaking tours  tibetan designs and artifacts are showing up in shops  the plight of the people has captured the imagination of major actors and artists and now there are two big budget films within as many months . " kundun " ( " presence "  a name the monks call the young dalai lama ) opens in 1937 with the search for the 14th incarnation of the tibetan leader . a group of monks enters a village and a two - year - old child catches their attention . the young boy proves himself by identifying possessions of the previous holy man as " mine " . he and his family are then moved to a monastery in lhassa where he is to be prepared to take his position as the religious and political leader of the country . he is forced into difficult decisions when china invades the country in 1950 . the peaceful and isolated country is ill - equipped to fight off the intruders and diplomatic attempts over the next years yield no results . eventually he must make the painful choice to flee to neighboring india . comparisons to " seven years in tibet " are inevitable . both films cover much of the same ground although the earlier movie does so from a westerner ', s point of view and features boxoffice draw brad pitt . " kundun " features only native actors and is more of an insider ', s story . in some ways  this makes this film a superior concept  but it lacks the movement and spark that made " seven years " such an audience - pleaser . the actors contribute to the realistic feel of the movie ( filmed in morocco for obvious reasons ) . the only disappointment is chairman mao who looks like a wax dummy and moves as if he were a computer - generated character . on an intellectual level  it is interesting to see how two different approaches handle the same facts . some events are depicted differently and pitt ', s austrian mountain - climber who was portrayed as a pivotal influence in the dalai lama ', s life isn ', t even mentioned here . glossed over in " seven years "  the problems with the tibetan political system is hinted at here as the dalai lama muses " we were just about to change things " after the chinese attack . the film is magnificently beautiful thanks primarily to the cinematography of roger deakins . his lingering camera shows the exotic tibetan culture with luscious detail . especially striking is an extreme moving close up of a sand mandala grain by grain . the visual treats more than make up for the movie ', s faults creating a poetic meditation for the audience . walking out of the theater you feel like you have awakened from a transcendental experience . martin scorsese  known for his dark tales of the underworld ( " goodfellas "  " taxi driver "  " casino " ) has shifted gears . something of a thematic follow - up to his " the last temptation of christ "  this is his slowest film yet . oddly enough for a director with a history of graphic violence presenting a history filled with atrocities by the chinese  most of these events take place off - screen . his decision to not over - explain rituals is commendable . the stumbling oracle who spits out his prophecies while in a trance state is much more effective as a mystery than if we were spoon - fed interpretations . philip glass ', s score is impressive although at times it is too overwhelming and distracting . i talked to a tibetan i met outside the theater who had just seen the film and was walking back in to see it again . hearing his description of how he escaped from tibet at the age of seven and how his father was one of the soldiers accompanying the dalai lama during his trip to india  i was struck by what was missing in the movie . as grand as it looks and as historically accurate as it is  there is a distance between the audience and the movie . the film is more concerned with visuals and history and less so with human beings . with the exception of a few scenes  involvement with the characters is slight . one of those exceptions is the portrayal of the young dalai lama  shown as a mischievous boy who can ', t resist being a kid sometimes . an encounter with his older brother thubten j . norbu ( a retired indiana university professor ) who tells the young leader the chinese have ordered him to persuade him to accept communist rule or kill him is an outstanding moment  but there aren ', t many of these . even with its problems  the " kundun " experience is phenomenal  but one that i fear most will miss . many people who saw " seven years in tibet " will have a " been there  done that " attitude . it ', s likely that the film will miss a wide - spread appeal and public response will be the sound of one hand clapping .
pos i swear i have seen the edge before . in fact  it reminded me of the bear  the river wild  and other various films mixed into an entirely different film . however  the edge has done something that most action films should do  and that is add heart and characters we like to the plot . in doing so  the edge draws many more suspenseful moments out of cliched scenes than  say  the peacemaker . unfortunately  because of those overused moments  we can pretty much guess the outcome of the film . but leave it to screenwriter david mamet to add humor and a few surprises to mess with your head . one surprise  in particular  left me smiling just because mamet actually had the guts to add it to his script . action films are a dime a dozen in hollywood  and while they are somewhat successful at entertaining us  they lack the one thing which would make them a more respected genre : intelligence . even horror films have learned this  a genre which is probably the least respected of them all . the river wild was one of the best action / suspense films i have seen from the 90s . the intelligence of the screenplay  and the suspense drawn from the realistic characters is nearly unmatched to this day . the edge has the intelligence and smart characters  but this time the lack of originality is the downfall . i must admit that it was very suspenseful  and had an original third half  but the first hour and a half is riddled with cliches and plot holes . this is an example of the final act saving the film  instead of the other way around ( as in the lost world ) . if only the screenplay had maintained the final thirty minutes ', intensity  it could have become a great action film ( and i use the term loosely ) . the edge is pretty much a survival - of - the - fittest film . but taking scream ', s lead  the edge makes fun of the genre ', s cliches  and then uses them ( though not quite as effectively ) . charles morse ( anthony hopkins ) is the main character  a rich and very intelligent man who wonders what the accumulation of all this knowledge has brought to him . for once  we don ', t immediately care for the main character . instead  we like bob ( alec baldwin )  a photographer who is going to take pictures of charles ', wife  mickey ( elle macpherson )  out in the wilderness . they board a plane and head to a cabin somewhere in the arctic . charles ', birthday is the same day  and he receives a gold watch from his wife  and a pocket knife from bob . as action films go  these items do have importance to the rest of the story  but quite a bit more than we first expect . soon  however  bob wants to find a native to shoot pictures of because of his " personality . " charles  bob  bob ', s assistant steve ( harold perrineau )  and the pilot head off to find him  and as shown in the previews  hit a flock of birds flying south for the winter . down the plane goes  the pilot is killed  and the three are left to survive in the wilderness . director lee tamahori is aware of the silly plot which is about to follow  and therefore has to create original ways to approach the situations . he succeeds often enough for us to enjoy the film . take  for instance  the entire man - hunting bear plot . this has been done many times in films with different animals  and even bears . but given the charles ', intelligence  and bob ', s uncertainty  many of the cliches are given fresh twists . even charles himself seems to have seen these action films before . my favorite line of the film comes from charles : " most people die in the wilderness because they didn ', t do the one thing that could save their life . . . thinking . " despite the predictability of the main plot  a subplot develops late in the film which took me by surprise  and made me smile when i realized that everything isn ', t as it seems anymore . i have to write cautiously as to not reveal this surprise  so instead i will avoid it entirely . the first two - thirds of the edge have many humorous moments to push it along  and some of charles ', survival techniques seem possible  even making fire from ice . tamahori is able to create a lot of suspense from the stalking bear  but whenever the bear is present  the characters lose all sensibility . i have always wondered why characters in films walk over a log to get across water . why not do what an intelligent person would and crawl across ? i guess getting chased by a bear makes your thought process turn off for a while . thankfully  we already have begun to care for the characters  and so we let this small detail slide . but some of the technical details are awkward  such as the nice stitching done on the fur coat that charles and bob make ( where did they get thread and needles ? ) . the acting of the film is highly above average for a film of this nature  and borders on phenomenal . anthony hopkins gives a terrific performance  creating his most likeable and layered character since remains of the day . hopkins usually brings greatness to his roles  but here he exceeds at gaining the audiences ', sympathy  something he definitely did not do in silence of the lambs . alec baldwin gives one of his best performances i have ever seen ( it sure is better from his fair game ) . baldwin can be a good or a bad character  and here he succeeds at both in a way . you can never quite guess if he is a nice or a vllainous character until the end  and baldwin is able to handle the double - natured photographer . elle macpherson gives a good performance  albeit slight . she isn ', t in the film all that much  but for the scenes she does have  she handles as an actress  not as a model . harold perrineau is a good actor  and his scenes are nice and underplayed . he is eliminated early  and i reveal nothing by saying this because it is inevitable and predictable . the edge is rated r for graphic violence  some gore  and language . some of the violence is a little too disturbing  even for me . this film is a nice change from the mindless action most of us are used to  but too many cliches bog it down . director tamahori has created a very smooth and suspenseful action film out of recycled parts . david mamet ', s script  though  has a lot of humor to keep the first hour afloat  and the acting is solid . the best thing about the script is the ending which doesn ', t end with the normal high - strung action sequence  but with a small detail involving a certain gift . it ', s a nice touch considering what we have had to go through with the bear . and by the way  most people laughed when the film faded to black due to a large credit to bart the bear . way to go  bart .
pos one of the more unusual and suggestively violent films ever made  " se7en " is just a few steps away from brilliance . however  those few steps away are only a few steps from a level of evil and depravity that few people want to discuss . the film received mixed reviews upon release  but there ', s an underlying sinister appeal and intrigue to this that many critics perhaps did not notice . at times it gets preachy about the horrors it seems to be criticizing  but the script and the ultimate pay - off are excellent . the shocking conclusion is just as unpredictable as the endings of most films are predictable . this piece of work is 100 % intensity . it ', s uncomfortable to watch  yet compelling . " i want not to look  yet i cannot turn away . " the story creeps along slowly and deliberately  crafted by visionary director david fincher . he has experience in tantalizing his audience with information and visions  but not giving away too much too soon . this is the guy who directed the ominous " alien 3 " . " se7en " is even more ominous because the threat is real . it ', s human and  while the script takes some artistic licence  the way in which the diabolical killer works here is actually realistic . that is  if a human being could be so intelligent  patient  wealthy  and disillusioned . after the most bizarre opening credits i ', ve ever seen ( refreshingly different in editing style and musical accompaniment )  the initial character development takes place . morgan freeman stars as detective william somerset  a knowledgeable veteran who is ready to give up on his job and the sickness of society . brad pitt co - stars as detective david mills  the young hotshot who is brand new to this unnamed city and full of fury to catch the bad guys . these two fine actors give the film its human qualities ( along with the appealing gwyneth paltrow  who plays tracy  mills ', wife ) . however  none of them stands out above the material . no disrespect intended  but two other actors could have played these parts and the film probably would have been about the same . an ironic note is that somerset has only a week ( or 7  that ', s seven  days ) left on the force to train his young protege . the title of the picture also refers to the 7 deadly sins  as chronicled by john milton in " paradise lost " -- gluttony  greed  sloth  lust  pride  envy  & wrath . incidentally  i wrote the sins in order of how each victim was found . it ', s the last two sins that are the most intriguing and shocking  but i won ', t give that away . as i said  this has a great ending and no one should spoil it . anyway  the brilliant killer sets out to make a statement to the world that these sins will no longer be tolerated and he makes the " sinners " suffer for it . the two partners stumble over the corpse of a grotesquely obese man . they learn that he was murdered -- forced to eat himself to death . the killer leaves small clues at this and other murders and  of course  somerset and mills are smart enough to stay with him all the way . if they didn ', t  it would be one short movie ! the deliberate pace allows for craftsmanship of detail and story . we see a lot of blood  but it ', s not especially violent . the suggestion of what happens is far more disgusting than anything actually shown -- like most of the violence in " pulp fiction " . " se7en " is gory  graphic  and disturbing  but all the gore is post - death . still  if you tend to get queasy  don ', t eat food during this film . kevin spacey plays john doe  the avenging angel who claims that he ', s the messenger who will right the wrongs with his teachings . like many crazy men  he has some fine ideas  but some sick ways of expressing himself . spacey doesn ', t appear until the final 30 minutes and also doesn ', t receive billing in the opening credits . however  it ', s his appearance that turns this film upside down and for that he should have gotten an oscar nomination . a great villain manages to make you either root for him or feel compelled to listen to his ramblings regardless of whether you agree with him or not . this character is so well written that it ', s hard to disagree when he says that what he is doing will be remembered by everyone . no serial killer has ever been so creative . " se7en " is blatantly unsubtle with its messages about the horrors of the world and it ', s often a little too depressing . what it lacks in those areas  it makes up for with believable dialogue  top - notch screenwriting  unexpected twists  and realistic characters . the technical aspects of the film are unobtrusive . fincher uses lighting  music  and editing quite well  but his story is always the thrust of the film . fortunately  we don ', t find out what happens to mills and somerset after the closing credits ( which are run backwards up the screen ! ) . it ', s better to imagine what paths they will follow . this is not the kind of film you turn away from and quickly forget . it ', s got a sinister message and john doe is right about one thing -- the evils of the world aren ', t going to cure themselves . " se7en " raises some tough questions and it ', s intelligent enough to allow its audience to answer many of those questions for themselves . useless trivia -- co - stars in 1995 ', s " se7en "  brad pitt and kevin spacey also competed for the 1995 best supporting actor oscar -- pitt in " 12 monkeys "  spacey in " the usual suspects " ( for which he won ) .
pos there are some works of art that are almost impossible to review  not because of their own complexity  but because of their legendary status which prevents the reviewer to say anything original . one of such masterpieces is casablanca  probably not the best film in the history of the seventh art  but definitely the most popular one . its popularity can be measured not in a multitude of more or less disguised remakes that were made in more than half a century since its premiere  but also in countless tributes and references that movie makers use in their works to this day . casablanca is also a movie that has the very rare virtue of both being praised by the critics and loved by general audience . one of the things that makes this film even more unique was the fact that it was doomed to fail  at least judging by conventional movie - making wisdom of its time . it was based on a broadway play so mediocre that it hadn ', t been produced on stage ; screenplay by three writers - julius g . epstein  philip j . epstein and howard koch - was beeing written as shooting went along ; the main actors were producers ', second choice  and  finally  man behind camera  michael curtiz was considered to be capable  but not great director . however  the movie was commercially successful and earned three " oscars "  including the one for the best film . until this very day  it is considered to be the best example of hollywood film - making in its own golden age . the plot of the movie was heavily influenced by the needs of ww2 propaganda  yet it also used rather complicated and now almost forgotten political circumstances of that global conflict in order to make intriguing story . in december 1941  casablanca  exotic port on the atlantic coast of north africa is controlled by officially neutral  yet nazi - collaborating french vichy government . thousands of refugees from war - torn europe are stuck there on the way to lisbon and safety of america  and ready to pay any price for precious exit visas . many shady characters thrive on their misery  including the corrupt police chief  captain renault ( rains ) . his best friend is rick blaine ( bogart )  who used to be idealistic anti - fascist  and now owns popular night club in casablanca and lives by his own cynical philosophy of " sticking his neck for nobody " . however  everything changes when he gets in possession of two precious extra visas . this event coincides with the arrival of two new refugees to casablanca . one of them is victor laszlo ( henreid )  czech resistance leader who escaped three times from nazi concentration camps and became the legend of enslaved europe . he is accompanied by his beautiful wife ilsa lund ( bergman )  with whom rick had a stormy affair in the eve of nazi occupation of paris . the couple needs visas  especially because of the gestapo major strasser ( veidt ) being on their trail . rick is now forced to choose between love  wounded pride  self - preserving interest and his own hatred of fascism . the casting for this movie seems influenced by divine inspiration - humphrey bogart  most legendary actor in the history of cinema  is one of the rare character actors who elevated his persona to the star status . bogart ', s portrayal of rick as complicated man  torn between idealistic past and bitter present  was so perfect  that his icon would forever be connected with that character . another icon in his company is ingrid bergman  great actress of old hollywood  here in her artistic and visual prime . the cinematic coupling of bogart and bergman became one of the main symbols of that era of filmmaking - some happier times when the romance on the screen didn ', t look childish nor trite like in some more contemporary works . for many people  casablanca is probably the best romantic film ever made . but the reason for that isn ', t the romance itself - it ', s the realistic story of people forced to make tough  and often wrong choices in their life . the casting of casablanca was right on target not just in a case of main leads . the supporting actors also did a marvellous job . sidney longstreet and peter lorre were here mainly to give a mystic flavour spotted in a previous bogart classic - john huston ', s maltese falcon ; yet both of them managed to portray colourful and original characters . another shining example of good casting is now almost forgotten paul henreid as the weakest part of love triangle ; character of victor laszlo has believable charisma and looks like a somebody who could inspire millions of people to rise against nazi tiranny . unfortunately  the charisma that burdened laszlo  leaves little place for difficult choice  making his character forever overshadowed by rick / ilsa coupling . however  rick and ilsa actually have a serious competiton for most memorable character in casablanca . captain renault  brilliantly portrayed by claude rains in a role of a lifetime  was embodiment of perfect  almost unmatched balance between ethical corruption and physical charm . despite being the undoubtful villain in almost entire movie  rains managed to make renault sympathetic character  and his final conversion to the side of good  symbolized in not so subtle gesture at the end of movie looked unnecessary . rains also gave another dimension to the movie  making it even more ambiguous ; people who like to analyse movies to death discovered signs of homosexuality in renault ', s relationship towards rick  and rick ', s final words leave room for even more outrageous speculations . together with well - drawn characters and exciting story  the movie was good in creating his own atmosphere . professional nitpickers would probably have a field day in discovering numerous historical and geographical inaccuracies  but casablanca is still a shining example of hollywood ww2 movie that is beliavable  if not realistic . any way  even if we don ', t see it as a historical document  casablanca is movie that can be source of entertainment as well as infinite inspiration .
pos like the great musical pieces of mozart himself  amadeus is a true work of art . it is one of those few movies of the 80 ', s that will be known for its class  its style  and its intelligence . why is this such a good film ? there are almost too many reasons to explain . the story : court composer salieri ( f . murray abraham ) feels waves of different emotions going through his head as wolfgang amadeus mozart ( tom hulce ) comes into his life as the young genius composer . salieri feels envy  and jealousy  but at the same time is fascinated with mozart ', s brilliance and ingenious . we travel through mozart ', s life as a composer  through his struggles  his triumphs  and ultimately  his demise . the acting : abraham is magnificient as salieri ; his acting range enables him to focus on each individual emotion and express it through his speech and body language . this performance earned him a well deserved oscar . tom hulce is interesting as well as mozart  a quirky  annoying bratty kid with an annoying laugh . he ', s strong  but weak at the same time  and must be aided by his wife ( elizabeth berridge )  who is good in her role  but lacks dramatic depth . jeffrey jones  in a smaller  more dignified role than such roles in stay tuned and mom and dad save the world  is cast perfectly because of his noble charm . the movie : every element of this movie works . the costumes and makeup are very memorable  as well as its stunning art direction  and unforgettable scores ( adapted from mozart ', s original music ) . while wolfgang amadeus mozart was a genius at music  milos forman proves with his film that he is a genius of filmmaking . this movie is a classic that will be remembered for years to come . ad2am " i almost lost my nose . . . and i like it . i like breathing through it . " - jack nicholson  chinatown
pos armageddon  in itself  symbolizes everything that is wrong in modern filmmaking . stories have been replaced with special effects ; character development gets overshadowed by bad dialogue ; plotting consists of a bunch of shit getting blown up . armageddon is as stupid  as loud and as shallow as any movie you ', ll see come out this summer  or maybe even any other summer . but i loved every freaking minute of it . believe me  i ', m just as shocked as you are . hell  i don ', t even know why i went to see it in the first place . the previews were so annoying that i predicted this was going to be the worst film of the year  or at least in the running . i ', m sorry  but " somebody dial 911 ! ! ! " isn ', t quite the tagging that ', s going to sell a movie . it isn ', t too wise either to market the film using the movie ', s stupidest lines ( " beam me up scotty " - yeah  that sure is great writing . . . ) . i mean  let ', s face it ; armageddon ', s previews rival the truman show ', s as being some of the worst of the year . neither of them even come close to doing their respective films justice . of course  you all know the story . when the earth is threatened with total annihilation via an asteroid the size of texas  nasa calls in the us ', s top oil drillers ( ! ) to go into space ( ! ) and implant a nuclear device eight - hundred and someodd feet into the asteroid ( ! ) . in the coarse of all this mayhem  we are introduced to some interesting - and not so interesting - characters . belonging to the former group is rockhound ( steve buscemi )  a horny little womanizing genius who ', s always full of wisecracks  even when flying into space at a huge amount of g ', s . also  there ', s the always cool - as - hell billy bob thornton as dan truman  the bigwig at nasa who recruits all the drillers . he kind of reminded me of ed harris in apollo 13  only without the intensity and great lines to deliver . then on the flip side of the coin is the tired  contrived character of harry stamper ( bruce willis  who does the whole movie employing with annoying accent i can ', t quite place )  the leader of the pack as well as liv tyler and ben affleck as the token lovers you must have in any summer movie . basically  that ', s about it . as i said  this is hardly a film about plot . it ', s another summer blockbuster with plot points that are beyond unbelievable and dialogue and characters that are mostly completely wooden . case in point : nasa doesn ', t know that there is even an asteroid on it ', s way until eighteen days before impact - huh ? another example : at one point in the movie  two children are playing with toy space shuttles in front of a poster of kennedy . how pretentious is that ? ? ? ! ! ! want another one ? okay ; before the oil drillers blast off into space  one of them starts singing " leaving on a jet plane "  and soon  all the rest join in . did michael bay attend the school of sappy filmmaking before he made this picture ? but naturally  all this sappiness  melodrama and special effects accumulate to one bitchin ', time at the movies . and don ', t get me wrong - despite all of the things i found wrong with armageddon  i still very much enjoyed it . so even if you don ', t win one of mcdonald ', s free tickets  it ', s still definitely worth checking out .
pos this is one of the most funny and entertaining comedies of the year and it just happens to be animated . there are some great voice over commentaries from hollywood ', s most famous celebrities  some fabulous animation and a compelling story . this is the best we ', ve seen from disney since " beauty and the beast " ( 1996 ) . this film begins an unspecified time following the happily - ever - after conclusion to toy story . in the aftermath of their earlier adventures  buzz ( voice of tim allen ) and woody ( voice of tom hanks ) are now fast friends and all the toys live in perfect harmony  content with their " lives " . one day  andy broke woody ', s arm off  while playing with him . woody is now officially discarged and worthless  left with his nightmares  where he lies in a trash can with the other discards . later andy ', s mother decides to have a yard sale  and she collects a few old toys from her son ', s room . since one of these discards is a member of the moving toy gang  woody goes to the rescue  leaving the safety of the house for the uncertainty of the front lawn in order to bring the toy back . although his mission is successful  he is placed in a serious predicament when a toy collector named al ( voice of wayne knight ) spies woody while hunting through the wares available at the sale . the cowboy toy represents the final collectible needed to complete his collection of merchandise from the old tv series  " woody ', s roundup . " if he can acquire woody  al can ship everything to a toy museum in japan for a huge profit . so  after andy ', s mother refuses to sell the wooden cowboy  al steals him  and it ', s up to the other toys  led by buzz  to go into the city to save their friend . and so  buzz  rex ( voice of wallace shawn )  hamm ( voice of john ratzenberger )  mr . potatohead ( voice of don rickles )  and slinky ( voice of jim varney )  go out on a dangerous journey to rescue their friend  they find themselves confronting things like busy streets and other buzz lightyear toys . there are car chases  gun fights and finally the confrontation between buzz and his nemesis ( who  by the way  resembles darth vader ) . meanwhile  woody learns that he was once a tv celebrity and has a family - a cowgirl named jessie ( voice of joan cusack )  a horse named bullseye  and a father figure called the prospector ( voice of kelsey grammar ) . they offer him another life  as a celebrity -- a toy in a museum in japan . he is now forced to choose between being loved intensively by andy for a little while ( before he grows up ) and be forgotten  or be admired by children for generations . the problem is  if woody escapes from al ', s clutches and returns home  they will end up back in the lonely darkness of storage . a real effort is made in the technical department . the animation is rich and colorful  with lots of wonderful details . the " cinematography " is also extremely improved since toy story ; there are a lot of complicated swings  turns and close - ups that really make an impression . lighting and filters are used to create a mood ( as in a surprisingly emotional moment - jessie ', s remembrance of her days when she was a beloved toy ) the film contains a lot of in - side jokes ( such as the one about videogames )  and entertaining parodies on " jurassic park " and " star wars " . the film ends with the " failed takes "  the kind of scenes that we are used to see after comedy shows on tv . these outtakes are some of the funniest scenes in the film . but what in the end makes " toy story 2 " a memorable experience is not the jokes  its multiple parodies or marvelous animation . it is its heart and emotions -- the story about the meaning of friendship  love and even life itself . it is not difficult to predict that " toy story 2 " would be a huge economical success  but its artistic achievement was unexpected . unexpected because the first film wasn ', t much more than a demonstration of special effects . but mostly it was unexpected because disney hasn ', t produced anything spectacular in years and is constantly surpassed by companies such as dreamworks and warner brs . but here the director has changed the atmosphere of the film  making it more accessible and interesting for persons older that 9 years . this is a big step - away from the ancient laws of disney - animation . off course  this is not " antz "  it is not as intelligent ; this is not a landmark and no masterpiece  but i promise that you ', ll find it as funny and enjoyable as i have . whether this is the best animated film of the year  i dare not say . my choice would probably be " the iron giant "  but ( along side with " american pie " ) this is the comedy of the year . i almost lost my hopes for disney  but " toy story 2 " proves that disney hasn ', t lost their ability to entertain .
pos not too many people know who james whale is  but it ', s a safe bet that a good chunk of them have seen his movies . if we are to believe the semi - biographical gods and monsters  whale would have wanted it to be that way . this is an insightful  haunting exploration of the last days of the frankenstein and bride of frankenstein director  and it is notable for introducing one of the first complicated gay characters in a hollywood movie . gods and monsters has no interest in being a biopic of whale ', s life because it tracks only the final few days of his life  and it ', s probably a better movie for it . it ', s focus is on whale ', s ( ian mckellen ) untraditional and deceptive lust for heterosexual gardener clayton boone ( brendan fraser ) . it begins with whale ( a fairly talented artist  aside from being a director ) asking boone to " sit for him  " ( pose for a portrait ) . at first  boone doesn ', t realize that whale is gay and grows fascinated with the old man . when he does discover whale ', s sexual orientation from his dedicated and protective maid ( lynn redgrave )  he is frightened  refusing to sit for the guy . but he comes back  only to storm out again  disgusted with whale ', s " locker room talk . " boone returns yet another time  after whale promises to tone down the aforementioned " locker room talk  " and finds their platonic relationship to be strengthening . meanwhile  jimmy himself is suffering from hallucinations and mental attacks as a result of his stroke not long ago . his ailment leads to desperation and depression  which build to the point where he is forced to ask boone for an incredulously big favor . what is perhaps most sensational about gods and monsters is brendan fraser ', s bravura performance ; up until seeing this film i intensely disliked the young actor because of his tendency to ruin the movies he is in ( blast from the past  for example ) . i was surprised how expressive an actor he proved himself to be here . this is impressive because his character ', s dialogue is minimal  with mckellan doing most of the talking . that requires fraser to act through body language ; a difficult skill to master  but something he proves capable of doing well . this is not to ignore mckellan ', s oscar nominated turn . he earned that nomination with his touching performance here ( although  at the risk of sounding like a philistine  i would have chosen his performance as the nazi in apt pupil for the nomination ) ; an understated  compelling gem . whale dreaded being remembered solely for his work in the hollywood horror genre  and he thought hollywood to be the equivalent of a battlefield . he rejoiced in being free from it  only reluctantly going to receptions with fellow movie people . in the end  perhaps  it is what killed him : the memories of hollywood and war blending together to form a living nightmare . ? 1999 eugene novikov &# 137 ;
pos when i initially set out to review this film  my tag line was going to be " you too can believe whales can fly " . then it was going to be " you too can believe pastel triangles can fly " . then  it was going to be " you too can believe wood sprites can fly " . finally  i just gave up trying to come up with a tag line and decided to say . . . there ', s a lot of flying going on in this film ! as our first host steve martin tells us  the original concept behind fantasia was to bring it out every year with some old segments retained and some new segments added in . well apparently that plan fell by the wayside for a while  because approximately sixty years have passed since the original classic was released . part of this might have something to do with the cold reception the film got when it was first released in 1940 ( grossing somewhere close to $ 110  000 in its original month of release ) . subsequent re - releases of the film have elevated the popularity of the film to the classic status it has finally achieved ( and rightfully deserved ) . to celebrate the release of an updated version of fantasia  disney and imax teamed up to present the animated film in a fashion no one had seen before : six stories high . in an exclusive four month engagement ( from january 1st to april 30th  2000 )  fantasia 2000 can be seen at many imax theaters across the us . after the engagement is over  the film will be shown at regular theaters . is the format effective for the film ? with a few exceptions  yes . the first segment we are presented with is set to beethoven ', s fifth symphony . it ', s hard to describe exactly what this segment is about  but it involves a bunch of brightly colored butterfly looking triangles flitting about happily . everything seems to be going great for these little things until the ground erupts with swarms of evil  black bat - like triangles that attack and engulf their lighter counterparts . eventually  shafts of light from above help drive away the evil bat - like things and peace returns to the butterfly things . though this segment isn ', t very story driven  some of the images are very visually strong  especially the scene in which the dark cloud of bat things ( who are all outlined in blood red colors ) begin to overtake the skies . the next segment is set to ottorino respighi ', s " the pines of rome " . in this segment  some humpback whales swim happily through the ocean and eventually emerge from the water and fly around the massive icebergs that pepper the oceanscape . a whale calf gets into a scuffle with some nearby birds during the flight and ends up getting trapped in a giant iceberg he smashes into while trying to avoid the birds attack . he is finally saved ( by another liberating shaft of light ) and he and his brethren take to the skies and fly into the upper atmosphere where they frolic in the " oceans " of clouds . again  visuals are the key with this segment  especially where the whales are involved . reportedly the whales  as viewed on an imax screen in certain sequences  are shown as actual size . the cgi whales look incredibly life - like  except for some googly cartoon eyes drawn onto the images . one especially striking image involves the giant shadow of one of the whales being cast through the wall of an iceberg as the whale calf tries to find a way out to its parent . absolutely beautiful stuff . the third segment ( and the least of the eight segments ) is set to george gershwin ', s " rhapsody in blue " . this segment is designed as a tribute to acclaimed caricaturist al hirschfeld  and intertwines four different stories about sad souls living in depression era new york . there ', s a construction worker who dreams of being a jazz drummer  an out - of - work sad sack that dreams of having a job  a young girl that dreams of spending time with her parents instead of being hustled off by a schoolmarm  and a nebbish who dreams of being free from his overbearing wife . i won ', t go into how everything works out  but in fine disney tradition there is a happy ending . unfortunately  the story drags quite a bit and the seems out of place within the hyper reality of the rest of the segments . segment four is set to dmitri shostakovich ', s " piano concerto no . 2 " and is an animated version of hans christian andersen ', s " the steadfast tin soldier " . a one legged toy tin soldier falls in love with a wind - up clock ballerina ( whom he assumes is also one legged because he can ', t see her other leg extended out behind her )  much to the dismay of an evil jack - in - the - box jester . the jester knocks the soldier out of a window and continues pursuing the ballerina . little does the jester know  the soldier has been deposited in the sewer and has journeyed through the pipelines only to be swallowed by a fish that has been captured and sold to the owner of the set of tin soldiers that the one legged one comes from . the soldier eventually saves the day and gets the girl . although the ending has been altered from the andersen story  " the steadfast tin soldier " is decently told with in the framework of a seven minute short . some children may find the jester to be a little frightening  but otherwise the segment is well made . segment five is the funniest of the bunch . set to camille saint - saens " the carnival of the animals "  this segment features a flamingo torturing his fellow flamingos with a yo - yo while they are trying to perform a choreographed dance number . while it is the shortest clip of the group and a throwback to the alligators and hippos dancing in the first fantasia  it is still well accomplished and a welcome bit of comedy . segment six is the only segment to be repeated from the original 1940 fantasia  and it ', s the one that people remember most  " the sorcerer ', s apprentice " . the story is the most recognizable  so the draw here is seeing it on the enormous imax screen in remastered stereo . unfortunately  the segment wasn ', t made to be presented on large format film ( considering it was shot full frame ) and exhibits large amounts of grain . there were at least two occasions where images were very hard to make out due to the excessive grain . similar problems crop up on modern day releases when projected on screens too large for the image to be shown accurately ( but no one seems to notice for some strange reason )  an anomaly common to many 18 - plus screen theaters . segment seven is set to sir edward elgar ', s " pomp and circumstance march no . 1 " and is the only other fantasia segment to feature a stock disney character . donald duck " stars " as an assistant to noah  whose task is loading all of the animals onto the ark . during the loading  donald and his wife lose sight of each other and both believe that the other one didn ', t make it on the boat . they are constantly missing each other due to comic misadventures mainly involving donald being crushed by animals in various manners . despite the slapstick style of comedy in this piece  it displays more emotion in its final scene than many of the tear - jerkers foisted on audiences these days . powerful stuff . segment eight brings a whole new meaning to the clich ? " saving the best for last " . set to igor stravinsky ', s " the firebird "  an elk awakens a forest sprite that proceeds to change the wintery landscape into a beautiful springtime landscape . trees bloom and flowers blossom and everything seems to be going well until the sprite becomes inquisitive about a large mountain housing a strange formation . when the sprite examines the formation  it awakens and becomes the titular firebird . in a stunning spectacle  the firebird rears back and unleashes and fire storm that destroys everything in its path  including everything that the sprite has worked to create . some amazing animation is present here  and well worth the ten dollars a ticket alone ( although brush strokes are evident in one scene due to the enlargement of the film ) . the host segments are largely ( no pun intended ) throwaways  although steve martin ', s clip is pretty funny . be sure to stay through the credits for a little more humor from martin . penn and teller are usually funny  but here their gags seem routine and therefore uninteresting . the best segment comes from  of all people  bette midler  who gets to tell us about some of the abandoned segments that never made it off of the drawing board . pieces like flight of the bumblebee  a take on the four horsemen set to wagner ', s " ride of the valkyries "  and a strange segment prepared in the ', 40s by salvador dali that never was shown are all previewed here and teased that they may appear in future installments . for fans of visual stimulation or classical music  fantasia 2000 is a perfect way to spend the afternoon . the film is also decent family entertainment and contains little to no objectionable material . as i mentioned earlier in the review  if ten dollars seems like too much for you to spend on this film  fear not because after its run in imax theaters it is going to be brought out in regular theaters . i must stress that the best way to see this film is on an imax screen though . then you too can believe that whales / triangle things / sprites can fly . [ g ]
pos it ', s tough to really say something nice about a type of person who ', s so ethnocentric that any humanity they once had is now gone  but by god  " american history x " does it  and for that  i commend it . it not only takes balls but intelligence to make a human being out of a neo - nazi skinhead  a kind of person who dedicates their lives to hating anyone who ', s not what they are  and this film wisely and miracurously pulls it off . the subject of this film is one of them  but he is worse than one of the blind followers that make up most skinhead members since he is the leader of the pack . he ', s the one who instigates them to take a firm grip onto their rage  and then in another brilliant stroke  justifies it with political propoganda that makes eerie sense when he speaks . he ', s so utterly convincing as a public speaker and so firm in his convictions that it comes as a shock when he actually goes through the rehabilitation process . his name is derek vinyard  and he ', s played by edward norton with so much fire and intensity that when he speaks he ', s almost as convincing and arresting a public speaker as  say  malcom x . when we first see him  he ', s clean shaven  with a jet black swastica emrboidered on his left breast  a devlish goatee  and he ', s attacking the black carjackers outside of his house dressed in nothing but his white boxers and carrying a handgun in his hand that never seems to run out of bullets  at least when he doesn ', t need them . he so believes in his convictions that he ', s willing to put his beliefs to the test  even if he knows it will mean a stop in prison  if only for a couple years . " american history x " is about derek  how he became a neo - nazi skinhead  how he rose to power  how he was rehabilitated in prison after murdering two black men in a fit of rage that was less to do with the stealing of his car and more to do with proving himself  and how he tried to save others  namely his younger brother  from making the same mistake . we see him at all of these stages - as a smart teenager  a vicious hate monger  a man having an epiphany  and the man who tries to correct what he ', s done before - and in all of these  we get a portrait of a man from all sides . or at least  that ', s the intention . the film ', s framing device is his brother  danny ( edward furlong  perpetually looking about 13 )  also now a skinhead  and how his principal  bob sweeney ( avery brooks  who i just found out was or is the captain on star trek ', s deep space 9 )  is trying to " correct " him . when the film opens  danny has just written a book report on " mein kampf  " landing him in trouble with sweeney  which causes him to make him write a paper on derek ', s life and how it has gotten him nowhere . coincidentally  this day is the day derek is released from prison  and when we see him  he ', s cleaned - up  not as buff  and has a full head of hair . he ', s just as intelligent  but still very rough along the edges  but he ', s wisened up . he ', s no longer controlled by his anger at blacks and jews  and tries to persuade danny  who ', s becoming what derek was before  to give up his lifestyle . but danny won ', t . he goes to a large skinhead beer bash  meets with the skinhead leader ( stacy keach )  and then discovers that derek is as opposed to neo - nazi - dom as he was for it a couple of years ago . the film circles around this  then spins off into non - linear flashbacks  all done in black and white . we mostly see derek at his prime as a skinhead  living in venice beach  organizing vicious and quasi - sadistic raids on local stores that no longer hire the white  middle - class teenagers since they can easily get cheaper illegal immigrants to do the same work  and mouthing off his theories on affirmative action and how illegal immigrants and blacks have destroyed the fundamentals this country was built on . to them  the white man is the one who has gotten the fuzzy end of the lolipop  and he not only speaks elloquently  forcefully  and intelligently  but he backs everything up with political reasons  justifying their rage at least to them . and frighteningly enough  much of what he says sounds true . " american history x " is a collection of really great scenes and moments  rather than a cohesive  great film that flows effortlessly from one moment to the next . in it  there are some of the best scenes i ', ve seen all year . one scene features a dinner between derek ', s family  and his mother ', s newest boyfriend ( played with reserve by eliott gould )  a jewish liberal who quietly disagrees with derek ', s rightist views  launching the scene into a fit of rage and anger that builds unparalled emotions in the audience ( gould ', s reaction to derek ', s final summation is unnerrving ) . another scene uses humor and traditional macho sex talk to build a friendship and a nice connection between derek and a black co - worker ( guy torry ) while folding laundry in prison . and another soon - to - be - classic is actually divided in two : the murder of the two black men that winds derek in jail  which contains a final murder so nasty that it may be the most revoltingly shocking all year . there ', s much more to appreciate  like the acting  which is uniformly good  with stand - outs coming from avery brooks  beverly d ', angelo ( as the long - suffering mother )  and gould ( who has one horrible line  but other than that  comes off with the best performance he ', s given in what seems like a really long time ) . norton walks off with the film  though  coming off with such intensity that he reduces anyone not doing an adequate job to rubble . in only the fifth movie of his career  norton has invented himself as one of the most reliable and intense actors of his generation  and maybe the best . there ', s nothing like it when norton really gets rolling in this movie  spewing out lines with such authority that he commands all attention from the audience  coming off with power similar to that of a young maron brando . that he allows the little emotions to seep through is amazing . sadly enough  this isn ', t going to be the great portrait of racism that it perhaps hopes to be . it ', s too unambitious and even a little contrived to really take off as either a powerful statement or an emotional masterpiece . the ending  especially  is pencilled in from other movies  tossed in just so the emotional keyboard can be trounced upon . some of the skinheads are reduced to mere cliches ( kevin smith regular ethan suplee fairs rather annoyingly as the " fat skinhead  " whose lines consist without fail of expressing his desire to eat more )  and even the dramatic arc isn ', t as well travelled . furlong ', s danny never seems to really be learning a lesson  since the flashbacks refuse to show his point of view  and when he decides to make a change by the end ( which was inevitable )  it doesn ', t seem like it has actually arrived there . even derek ', s descent into skinhead - dom doesn ', t seem justified . though his fireman father ( william russ  the dad from " boy meets world  " and don ', t ask me how i know that ) is killed by a black junkie  and even before he spoke against affirmative action intelligently  there never seems to be any real back story why derek became so intense about his beliefs . as such  one can see why the director  tony kaye  wanted to have his name removed . sorta . " american history x " is a very good movie  and i was very moved by it  but it could be a lot better  and the problem seems to be that the cut as it is is not up to what he claims to be his potential . somewhere  he claims  there lies a tony kaye cut  and that was to be the true cut until it was viewed by norton  who then ordered another cut  and that is thus . although he aimed for the directing credit to go to " alan smithee  " the resident name for any film that is to be disowned by its director  it wasn ', t allowed to him  under the grounds that once you disown a film  you can not badmouth it ( but really  that ', s the macguffin - no one really wanted a film this good to be given the alan smithee sign of disapproval ) . kaye ', s right in that it ', s not up to par  even if he ', s not referring to normal par but rather his own personal par . this will not be a " do the right thing " for the late 90s . yet it still gets its point across intelligently  and backs it up with its story ( its message  that one cannot be so enwrapped in one ', s own beliefs or pain and suffering will occur  is literally said over the narration  unfortunately ) . and even if it isn ', t perfect  at least when avery brooks turns to norton after he has been beaten and raped in prison  and asks him if anything he ', s done has made his life any better  it realy hits a nerve  not only in derek  but also in the audience .
pos synopsis : as a response to accusations of sexual prejudice in the armed forces  a female naval intelligence officer is chosen to be a test case . if she can survive the demanding s . e . a . l . training  she will open the way for other women to be permitted to follow in her footsteps . throw in a lot of political machinations  sabotage  brutality  water and sand and you have an entertaining movie . review : the title of this movie turned me off at first . i mean ', gi jane ? ', ? ? ? ? ? the other titles which were considered were more promising - in pursuit of honor or a matter of honor would have been acceptable although navy cross or undisclosed are a little meaningless as far as i ', m concerned . i went into this movie not liking the title and being one of those people who thinks that demi moore is absolutely ghastly as an actor . to my surprise i really enjoyed the movie . moore as lieutenant jordan o ', neil is much more likeable than her washed out excuse for a gusty woman in a few good men . the storyline is simple . anne bancroft playing senator lillian dehaven is a ruthless  machiavellian politician with an agenda to push . using feminism to achieve political mileage  she forces the military powers that be to backdown and permit a test case to enter the highly intensive navy s . e . a . l . training . jordan is selected due to the fact that she has it all - looks  brains and strength . the training is gruelling and the indignity almost painful to watch . nonetheless  it ', s one of those movies that makes me want to cheer out and encourage the hapless hero / heroine along in his / her endeavours . sure  there are the stereotypical elements - inhuman treatment  sexual innuendo  resentful peers  pained boyfriend and sexist commanding officer . stepping away from the stereotypes though  viggo mortensen as master chief john urgayle tries to get away from being nothing more than a brutal screamer . his character exercises a little more intellectual rigour than you would normally expect from such a character . jordan ', s boyfriend royce is also in the military . although they both started at the same time  due to the fact that he has seen active service  he has advanced through the ranks much more quickly than she has . royce ( what is his surname ? do we care ? ) almost resents jordan ', s attempts to advance herself  although he quickly settles down to being doe - eyed and supportive . his character seems to have been thrown in so that we know that you don ', t have to be a lesbian to want to be in the military . in parts  this is a very silly movie  with gratuitous lines and scenes thrown in for effect which are so blatantly obvious or contrived that it ', s hard not to cringe . i still liked it though . weaknesses in the script aside  this is a film which captures a heroic and reckless mood . as we watch jordan ', s battle  it ', s increasingly clear that it is a personal battle . this is an individual ', s fight for self - advancement . we don ', t have to have our teeth set on edge by didactic preachings  we don ', t have to feel uncomfortable because we ', re having ideology thrust down our throats . it ', s enough that we can sit back and hope that this one person gets what she wants and we can admire her tenacity and determination without coming out and saying whether we believe women should go into combat or not .
pos the idea at the center of the devil ', s advocate  which is  thus far  one of the three or four best films of 1997  is that no matter what decision is made  evil will triumph -- god is a trickster  satan is a humanist -- " the last humanist " . he appears in many guises  and seduces many men and women -- in his own words  " vanity -- by far my favorite sin " . al pacino plays this role with relish  and gets to chew some delectable lines ( " lemme givya a piece o ', inside wisdom on god . . . "  " i have a million names . . . " )  as john milton -- the devil . the main idea -- that he can appear as anyone  in any form ( in this case  a buisness man )  harkens mainly back to terry gilliam ', s the time bandits . but the film  is something else  something original . part of what makes it so very good  is that it never takes itself too seriously -- it dabbles with morality  vanity  death  and child abuse  but doesn ', t try to become any profound study of power . this is a marvelous confection -- cocky  funny  thought provoking . it is also entertaining . there is no way you could possibly predict the ending -- it pulls back upon itself  drawing purely out of the mind ', s eye . the final shot is more creative  more daring  more challenging  then anything in cinema since the white sock in the coen ', s fargo . the central themes are fascinating ( sometimes reminiscent of james ', the turn of the screw  and oates ', accursed inhabitants of the house of bly )  and the product that is built around it really wows . its nice to know that things like this are still being made .
pos scream 2  like its predecessor  is a genre - crossing film . it is about 50 % horror film and 50 % murder mystery . the mix worked very well last time and it continues to entertain this time . scream was also known for its self - referential tone . many inside jokes were made in reference to horror movies and wes craven . again  scream 2 follows suit with characters saying such things as " sequels suck " and " the entire horror genre was destroyed by sequels . " scream 2 ', s story is very similar to it ', s predecessor ', s . sidney ( neve campbell )  having survived the killing spree in scream  is now in college . gale weathers ( courteney cox ) has written a book about the murders and that book is now being released as a feature film  called stab ( which for all practical purposes is the real - world movie scream ) . at the premiere of stab  two students from sidney ', s college are stabbed to death  and a new story begins . the press descends on sidney and her college to get the scoop on this sequel killer . they want to know all about the links between stab  sidney  and the recent murders . the most complex self - reference i saw ( this should be an olympic event ) was the scene where gale weathers was asking questions at a press conference . the rest of the press was watching and videotaping weathers . the other survivors from scream were watching and videotaping the press . the audience was watching the whole  filmed scene . ( whew . ) the movie is packed with layers and self - references that make it a pleasure to watch . even better would be to watch a double feature of scream and scream 2 . that ', s not to say that these references necessarily make scream 2 a deep  or even a good movie . the just add to the fun of watching it . i recommend it for other reasons as well . what i liked best about the horror aspect of the movie is that the monster is not supernatural . no werewolf or ghost or psycho with superhuman strength is responsible . it is a person in a mask and a robe  his only advantage the fear he strikes into his victims . no extraordinary leap of faith is needed to believe in the killer . the down side is that if you are frightened by horror movies  you have less grounds to say " it ', s just a movie . " the whodunit aspect of the movie is not that great by itself - gale weathers and deputy dewey ( david arquette  also from the original ) track down a killer . they are likeable  but not outstanding . but in combination with the horror aspect  the whodunit is a perfect counterpoint . it was exactly a year ago today that i wrote the review for scream . the internet movie database says that scream 3 is in the works  so i wonder if i ', ll be doing the same thing on january 1  1999 . if craven and screenwriter kevin williamson are able to keep the quality high  i ', ll be happy to mark my calendar .
pos when i first saw the previews for ron howard ', s latest film  my expectations were discouragingly low . a show about nothing ? sounds like " seinfeld . " a guy whose entire life is broadcast 24 hours a day ? sounds like " the truman show . " what is it with hollywood that no sooner than one production company puts out an animated feature about ants  another puts one out about bugs ? which is why i was pleasantly surprised by " edtv  " which turns out to be a fresh  insightful  and often times hilarious film about the follies of instant celebrity . the writing  by howard ', s longtime collaborators lowell ganz and babaloo mandel  is right on the money and howard himself should be credited for giving the subject matter a fresh focus . in the hands of a less - experienced director  " edtv " could easily have had all the flavor of yesterday ', s meatloaf . with their ', true tv ', cable ratings being threatened by ', the gardening channel ', ( apparently people would rather watch soil )  the northwest broadcasting company is looking for a novel concept to attract viewers . program director cynthia topping ( ellen degeneres ) comes up with the idea of putting a nobody on the air and broadcasting his every waking and sleeping moment . the hook is to find a regular guy  someone normal that people can relate to . while scouting possible candidates  cynthia ', s camera crew discover ed pekurny and his pig brother ray ( woody harrelson ) in a bar  where ray believes he has what it takes for his fifteen plus minutes of fame . but on watching the videotape  the show ', s producers are more taken with ed than with ray . he ', s cute  he says all the wrong things  and he ', s 100 % usda hick . cynthia ', s boss  played by rob reiner  gives the show a week to deliver the goods and it ', s tough going in the early stages . the most exciting thing that happens is ed brushes his teeth . " action shot ! " wags one of the production assistants when a couple of pop tarts jump out of the toaster . you get the idea . but soon enough  things -- nielsen - boosting kinds of things -- start to happen to this unassuming san francisco video store clerk and the ', true tv ', cameras are right there to document it . ed ', s privacy is no longer his own  his newfound fame starts having a negative impact on his family life  and what little dignity he has left is trampled on by the media . who should ed go out with ? you can be sure the pollsters have a list . not only is the film exceedingly well cast  but its performers are consistently excellent . matthew mcconaughey provides the face  the body language  and the lovable texan accent to fill the shoes of america ', s latest phenomenon . he and harrelson look like they really could be brothers . sally kirkland is noteworthy in a difficult role as ed ', s mother  and martin landau is one of the film ', s highlights as al  ed ', s ailing stepfather . jenna elfman ( from tv ', s " dharma and greg " ) proves herself surprisingly worthy in the company of kirkland and landau  although those alpine eyebrows of hers get a little distracting . even degeneres and reiner are better than you ', d expect . in 1979  writer / director / comedian albert brooks made a zany little film called " real life " in which a small - time opportunist makes a real - time documentary about a typical american family . the scenes of ed ', s family sitting around the dinner table feasting on kentucky fried chicken and waxing idiotic play like a big - budget variant on that film  paralleling its wickedly inventive humor . as with most films by albert brooks  " real life " was funny  but absurd . the funniest -- and scariest -- thing about " edtv " is that it is absolutely believable .
pos ingredients : james bond  scuba scene  car controlled by cellular telephone synopsis : warped media tycoon elliot carver ( jonathan pryce ) plots to start a war between britain and china in order to boost ratings by using a ', stealth ship ', to fire a captured british missile at the city of beijing . super - agent james bond ( pierce brosnan ) uses trick gadgets  pluck  and charm in order to foil carver ', s scheme . this time bond teams up with top female agent wai lin from china ( michelle yeoh ) . the film contains fights  chases  gadgets  and comedic moments . opinion : it does not have a casino scene or a ski scene  but tomorrow never dies is nevertheless a solid  enjoyable bond movie . it neither stands out nor disappoints . in old bond movies bond sometimes teamed up with american cia agent felix leiter . tomorrow never dies introduces a new character in the form of chinese agent wai lin . like leiter ', s character  wai lin would be a sure bet for a cameo in a later bond movie . stars : michelle yeoh was born a leo in the western zodiac in the year of the tiger on the asian astrology calendar . i don \x12 t believe in horoscopes . but at an airport i once browsed an astrology book with a section on leo tigers ( lts ) . " leo tigers prefer enough solitude to grow at their own pace . lts are unbelievably courageous when facing adversity . the lt is also classy  and has an excellent sense of refinement  but she sees herself as an adventurer  and prefers freedom of movement rather than flashy status symbols . this person loves family and friends with a fierce loyalty . she delights in siblings  nephews  nieces and extended family - - but she must have her personal freedom to come and go as she pleases . sometimes annoyance at injustice drives her to take up one or two causes . in love life  the lt has an unfortunate mental block against committing to any partner who is less powerful than she . " in real life  michelle yeoh is asia ', s top female star . like jackie chan  she does her own stunts . she was born in malaysia - - a country of many languages - - and her primary language ( the language she speaks in her sleep ) is english . she was taught malay in school  and learned cantonese from bilingual parents . as an athlete michelle represented malaysia internationally . she enjoyed squash  diving  swimming  and rugby . she studied ballet at the royal academy of dance in london  but switched to drama after a spinal injury . in 1983 she won the miss malaysia pageant - - without really intending to  since a family member had entered her in the contest without her knowledge . notoriety from the contest led eventually to a movie career as an action heroine . michelle has survived a divorce with asian retail tycoon dickson poon ; a nearly fatal stunt accident falling from a freeway overpass which put her in the hospital for three months  and ; a retirement from the movies . her comeback from retirement  supercop ( 1992 ) became the top grossing film in asia that year . it is not clear what michelle \x12 s martial arts style is  but it may be a theatrical version of wing chun . of her character wai lin in tomorrow never dies  michelle says  " wai lin is the first bond girl who is on a par with bond  someone who can match up with him mentally and physically . " my own opinion is that casting michelle yeoh as agent wai lin was an excellent choice .
pos it is always refreshing to see a superstar actor who gets paid more than enough to forget about working for a living to want to take a chance and play a less - than - savoury character as mel gibson does in payback . of course  if i was being paid $ 25 million for one month ', s work  i ', d probably be willing to take risks as well  but that ', s neither here nor there . payback is based on a novel by richard stark ( apparently actually donald e . westlake  author of the grifters  itself a fine crime film ) which was also filmed in the 1960s as point blank starring one of the toughest of tough guys  lee marvin . the film opens with gibson having recovered from being shot several times in the back  by whom we don ', t know yet . all we know is that gibson  as porter  isn ', t a happy chappy and is hellbent on getting the money stolen from him back  and getting even in the process  no matter what the consequences . it turns out that the man he ', s after is val ( gregg henry )  his sometime partner with whom he stole a briefcase full of cash from a gang of chinese mobsters . obviously not having much of a crisis of the soul  val figures porter is dead and goes about using his share of the money to pay off a debt to his employers . porter  however  is the sort of man who holds a grudge and once on his feet  goes about exacting revenge on the double - crossing val . gibson gives a terrific performance in the sort of role which he was born to play  that of a slightly unhinged guy who doesn ', t mind beating up or shooting people to get what he wants . you probably wouldn ', t see other actors in his salary range take such an offbeat  out - of - character role such as porter ( jim carrey won ', t be doing anything like this in a hurry after what happened the last time he tried - the cable guy  anyone ? ) . harrison ford ', s idea of playing an unsympathetic character is presumed innocent ; the last time schwarzenegger played a villain was batman and robin  which we won ', t mention further ; and has stallone ever really played a villain at all ? this is not to say that porter is a villain  per se . while he isn ', t the sort of character you wouldn ', t want to get on the wrong side of  he ', s nothing compared to some of the ones we are forced to watch in countless bad thrillers and action films where they kill innocent people in the blink of an eye or execute their right - hand men just to prove how mean they are . porter is only trying to get back what is not - so - rightfully his  which in a way is almost understandable . payback is an enjoyable dramatic black comedy - thriller which won ', t be remembered as being among gibson ', s most important work  but is still one of the finer films he ', s done . the only real problem with it is that  while everything seems to work out in the end  i was left feeling something was lacking ; was that all ? the ending looks as if it was tacked on at the last minute  and the final voice - over doesn ', t ring true  even though it was used to good effect elsewhere in the film - noir style the rest of the film embodies . the film just ends far too suddenly  after a huge build - up in the penultimate scenes . a fine film  even though it needs just a little something more to be the kind of a film that can be recommended without hesitation . just be ready for a possible letdown of an ending .
pos if you thought baz luhrmann ', s radical take on _william_shakespeare ', s_romeo_ + _juliet_ was wild  wait until what you see what tony award - winning stage director julie taymor ( _the_lion_king : _the_broadway_musical_ ) does to the bard ', s _titus_andronicus_ for her audacious -- and very bloody -- film debut . while luhrmann transplanted the star - crossed lovers to 1990s florida  taymor keeps this grisly tale of revenge in rome -- but places it in a surreal temporal limbo . the colosseum suggests the proper time of imperial rome  but high rises and heavy duty kitchen ovens suggest the 1990s  while the vintage automobiles and some costumes are more ', 40s and ', 50s  and other garments are more gladiator - like . as tamora  queen of goths ( jessica lange ) exacts revenge on roman general titus ( anthony hopkins ) for killing her eldest son  and he does the same to her for the wrongs she commits  taymor obviously wanted to express the timeless relevance of the story ', s underlying themes . however  the time convergence approach only works at times  for often it ', s just distracting  as in one scene where tamora ', s suviving sons ( matthew rhys and jonathan rhys meyers ) blow off steam playing video arcade games . taymor didn ', t have to resort to such avant garde time tricks  for the story would have resonated just as strongly had she jettisoned them . she is a strong storyteller and a master visual stylist  the latter compliment encompassing all areas  makeup and costume choices as well as those in the editing and photography departments . she also has a sure way with actors ; hopkins ', titus is at once tragic and horrifying  and lange is sultry as the viperous tamora . the clear standout of the cast  however  is harry lennix as aaron  a moor who is tamora ', s secret lover and a schemer in his own right . lennix brings great depth to a role that could have easily been played as a stock villain . a great villain he indeed is  but to leave it at that isn ', t giving full justice to his powerful and multi - dimensional work . _titus_ isn ', t a complete success  but it is never less than fascinating  and it announces the arrival of a fearlessly imaginative new cinematic voice .
pos meteor threat set to blow away all volcanoes & twisters ! summer is here again ! this season could probably be the most ambitious = season this decade with hollywood churning out films like deep impact  = godzilla  the x - files  armageddon  the truman show  all of which has but = one main aim  to rock the box office . leading the pack this summer is = deep impact  one of the first few film releases from the = spielberg - katzenberg - geffen ', s dreamworks production company . following = the rather dismal showing of their previous two releases ; mousehunt and = amistad  deep impact shines with elements which could just make it one = of the biggest movies of the year . deep impact begins with the discovery of an earth bound comet during a = school astronomy outing by leo beiderman ( elijah wood ) which = subsequently stirred up the political community of the world . keeping = the information under wraps to prevent widespread panic  president beck = ( morgan freeman ) took it upon himself and his subordinates to execute a = highly secretive space project to destroy the comet before it hits = earth . while pursuing a sex - scandal story amongst the presidential = ranks  ambitious up and coming reporter  jenny lerner ( tea leoni ) = unfolds the wool that president beck has pulled over the citizens of the = world . as if the knowledge of the imminent annihilation of mankind is = not enough  jenny has to come to terms with her father ( maximillian = schell ) leaving the mother for a younger woman . = 20 president beck announces the discovery and preparations to destroy the = comet exactly one - year later  with so much confidence that it left no = trace of panic within the american community . achieving fame from = announcement of the comet wolf - beiderman en - route to earth ( the name of = its discoverers )  leo beiderman continues life in his small town as a = young celebrity . a team of astronauts  led by the ageing veteran = astronaut spurgeon tanner ( robert duvall )  was secretly trained to carry = out the mission to land on the comet and create and explosion with a = nuclear device  with the hope of blowing it out of its current path = towards earth . despite him being the most experienced in the team  the = younger generation of astronauts in the team doubts tanner ', s ability due = to his age . but these are just problems of individuals . life on earth = goes on as any other day  confident that the comet will be destroyed . when the attempt to avert wolf - beiderman ', s path failed and caused the = comet to split into two : comet wolf and comet beiderman  the president = unfolds his contingency plan to evacuate part of the population  leaving = the rest to die . citizens are randomly chosen to live underground for 2 = years prior to impact  when the dust due to the impact around earth have = settled  by then all life on the surface would have died . jenny and leo = were picked but many of their loved ones were not  only a handful of = earth ', s population will be saved from destruction . = 20 deep impact ', s moving moments occur in the least special - effect laced = scenes . while the effects are fantastic  they only form a small part of = the film  which indulges itself in the development of its main = characters ; leo  lerner and tanner . leo ', s struggle when he learns that = his girlfriend is not part of the population to be saved  lerner ', s = dwindling relationship with her father and her pain for the mother ', s = loneliness  tanner ', s strive to gain the respect he deserves from his = crew and his ultimate sacrifice  all form the backbone of deep impact ', s = moving moments . deep impact smells suspiciously like the previous year = release contact despite vivid differences . i think its probably because = they both delve in a story of global proportions and indulges in the = premise of hope  faith and life itself . both do not depend heavily on = eye - candy in the form of cgi effects . director mimi leder ( who won = numerous awards directing television series  and made her debut with = peacekeeper last year ) is definitely a director to watch . = 20 despite this being the first of the two meteor movies this summer ( the = other being armageddon )  i think there will be stark differences in the = approach to the subject matter . while the premise of both may be the = same  execution and focus of the films will in fact show that deep = impact has more focus on human elements than armageddon  which is done = by the team which brought us bad boys  crimson tide and the rock . = 20 deep impact should be able to satisfy a variety of audiences ; from the = most action - craving to those who just want to immerse into its = manipulative but nonetheless dramatic premise .
pos there is a striking scene early in " city of angels  " where all the angels who live unseen in our midst  gather at the beach to watch the sun rise . the camera moves above them  showing the endless rows of ethereal men and women  all garbed in black . then the camera moves in on the face of seth  an angel played by nicolas cage  and as the sun rises  he smiles and his entire face lights up . you see  the angels can hear music in sunrises and sunsets  but they cannot feel a human touch . it is an important scene for several reasons . first of all  it is one of many instances in the film that make angels seem thoroughly plausible . the film presents these fantastic beings as normal - looking people who drift amongst the inhabitants of earth  watching what goes on with little interference . there are none of the standard  hokey angel references used in recent films like " angels in the outfield " ( 1994 ) or " michael " ( 1996 ) . the angels here are stark and believable . this early scene on the beach is also an important scene of juxtaposition  for its shows how god ', s angels can enjoy aspects of the earth that human cannot  and yet they are denied so many simple human pleasures  like feeling the sand on their feet or the waves lapping at their legs  or the smell of the salt in the air . there is an inherent tragedy in being an angel  although there is much beauty in it as well . they eternally walk the earth  listening to our thoughts  touching us in our pain  and leading the dying to heaven . like human existence  being an angel is often confused and unsure . " city of angels " is essentially a love story  between seth and a human  a beautiful but sad heart surgeon named maggie ( meg ryan ) . he first sees her when he is in her operating room  waiting to lead the soul of her dying patient to heaven . maggie is distraught  doing everything in her power to stop the man from dying on her table  and seth is moved by her efforts and  more importantly  her overwhelming sadness when the patient dies . angels have the limited power to soothe humans in time of misery and pain  and seth does what he can with his invisible touch  but it ', s not enough . he wants to be with her and share her pain  not just stand back at a distance . he learns that the only way to fulfill his desire for human love and touch is for him to " fall " and become human . he learns this from another fallen angel  played by dennis franz ( " n . y . p . d . blue " ) in a touching and humorous performance . sitting at a diner together  franz tells cage ', s character about how wonderful it is to be human - to be able to taste food  feel another person ', s skin  smell the air  and most importantly  have a loving wife and children . of course  there is pain to go along with all this  but for seth  it will be worth it . " city of angels " is something of a reinterpretation of wim wender ', s haunting 1988 film " wings of desire . " wenders ', film was more like a poem - it was the feeling  the emotion that truly mattered over what actually happened . the americanized version moves the location from divided berlin to broken los angeles  and the emphasis shifts onto the relationship between the immortal angel and the mortal human . and  unlike most foreign films that are re - made into hollywood fare  it doesn ', t suffer extensive damage . this may be because director brad silberling ( " casper " ) and screenwriter dana stevens ( " blink " ) wanted to make " city of angels " its own movie - inspired by " wings of desire  " but not an attempt to copy it . and yet  " city of angels " is not a typical hollywood movie . it is beautifully filmed in lush colors by cinematographer john seale ( " the english patient " )  whose sweeping aerial shots and golden lighting make los angeles into an almost unrecognizable new world . seale creates many striking visuals : in addition to the beach scene  there is a wonderful sequence in a circular library where all the angels appear at banisters all around  looking down at seth as he watches maggie walk by . while the film travels along a charted plot  it takes time to develop its characters and situations ; it sheds light on the boundaries between what is earthly and what is heavenly  and shows just how thin those boundaries are . both cage and ryan give soulful  soft - spoken performances . ryan  who is usually so bouncy and energetic  truly embodies a sadness that can only be alleviated by a heavenly touch . cage projects all his desire and longing to be human in simple  heartfelt gazes  and speaks with the comforting  knowing voice that only an angel could have . what is most striking about " city of angels " is that stevens has added a new ending to the screenplay  which is both unexpected and challenging . it ', s not a formulaic hollywood ending  because it is both sad and uplifting at the same time . it doesn ', t give the audience what it thinks it wants at the end of a romance . instead  it offers something much better  something that speaks to the depths of what it means to be human and alive . ____________________________________________ visit " charlie don ', t surf ! " an eclectic collection of film reviews by james kendrick http : // www . bigfoot . com /~ jimkendrick || e - mail : jimkendrick @ bigfoot . com
pos star wars : episode 1 - the phantom menace ( 1999 ) review by matt pusateri few movies evoke nostalgia  enthusiasm  and affection like george lucas ', 1977 classic  star wars . the original blockbuster film and its two sequels not only evoked wonder and passion in a generation of filmgoers  but has deeply entrenched itself in american pop culture . arguably  more americans today can explain what " the force " or a " jedi " is than a budget deficit or a serb . so 22 years after the release of the original  and 16 years since the third film  the return of the jedi  how can any new star wars film withstand the weight of incomparable expectations and anticipation ? can a new storyline and a new cast of characters possibly compete with the legends of the first trilogy - luke  han solo  and darth vader - all cultural icons ? against this challenge  the fourth star wars film  episode one : the phantom menace hit the screens last week . and despite some early critical reviews in the major media  the film is neither a flop nor a disappointment . while the phantom menace is certainly not the finest film in the series  it is nonetheless engaging  exciting  and visually breathtaking . it is a worthy sequel - er  prequel - to the original star wars films . the phantom menace takes place decades before the setting of original films . as the film opens  obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor )  the wise old master who introduced luke to the force in the original star wars  is only a young jedi apprentice  still learning from his fellow jedi and instructor  qui - gon jinn ( liam neeson ) . the republic government has sent the two jedi to settle a trade dispute that has developed into a blockade of the planet naboo by a shifty trade federation . the jedi quickly find themselves not in negotiations  but in the middle of a planetary invasion  rushing to protect naboo ', s young queen amidala ( natalie portman ) . later  after eventually rescuing amidala and helping her escape naboo  they are forced to stop at tatooine to repair their battle - damaged ship before bringing her to the galactic senate to make an appeal for justice . on tatooine  qui - gon discovers a young slave boy  anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd )  who not only can help them get the parts they need  but displays uncanny intelligence  insight  and instincts . qui - gon senses the child is " unusually strong " with the force and begins to suspect that he may be " the one " prophesized to " bring balance to the force . " as anyone who has watched the original star wars trilogy knows  far from being a galactic savior  the innocent - looking 9 - year - old will in time become the ruthless darth vader . complicating matters further is a mysterious hooded figure  darth sidious  is behind the trade blockade and invasion of naboo  and sends out a lethal apprentice  darth maul  to find and capture queen amidala . while amidala and the jedi fight to save her planet  they soon also have to deal with the deadly and relentless darth maul . if the plot sounds a bit complicated  it is . the phantom menace not only introduces an earlier generation of characters and an immediate crisis  but sets up the foundation for the events that will eventually lead to the fall of the republic  the demise of the jedi knights  anakin ', s turn to evil  and the rise of the dark empire of original trilogy . but the complexity is not overwhelming . the story moves quickly  with the only drawback being that many questions  predictably  remain unanswered at the end of the film  setting the stage for the next episode . one of the reasons the film ', s story seems hazy is not that it is too confusing  but too unfocused . it ', s unclear whose story phantom menace is . in the original trilogy  the movies were clearly luke ', s story  with the stories centering around his growth from farmboy to rebel hero to jedi knight . but it ', s unclear whether this new film is anakin ', s story or obi - wan ', s . if this trilogy is centered on anakin  it ', s a shaky foundation . lloyd  like many child actors  lacks the subtle acting skills of adult performers  and as a result  his character seems shallow and unimpressive . on screen  we see nothing that suggests a dark side lurking underneath his little - boy face  or for that matter  any presence that would make him seem so special that qui - gon is willing to believe he is " the one . " the rest of the cast does fine  though they often work with some iffy dialogue by lucas . neeson is perfect as an aging jedi knight . mcgregor is well - cast as obi - wan and conveys a balance of youthful energy and calm sensibility . portman fits the role of a young queen well  but her lines were often very formal  giving her little room to give her character much personality . the biggest problem with the phantom menace is not the plot or the characters  but the interaction between them . individually  the characters in this new film are no less developed than those in the original star wars  and the storyline is not more confusing than previous films in the series . but unlike the previous trilogy  lucas doesn ', t do as good of a job playing the characters off one another . in star wars  there were immediate contrasts and memorable exchanges between luke and han  han and obi - wan  and leia and luke . the ensemble played off each other and immediately showed their distinct attitudes and personalities . in the sequence in where luke  han  and chewbacca attempt to rescue leia from her cell on the death star  the audience learns a lot about all four characters in the ways they react to the immediate problems and each other . there is no comparable sequence in the phantom menace to flesh out the characters and their relationships with each other . individually  they are interesting characters with clear motivations and interests  but lucas develops little chemistry or tension between the them . this is perhaps the most glaring weakness of this film  and is probably the reason it has disappointed many reviewers . but despite the need for a richer dialogue and stronger character interaction  the film is still very engaging . many of the wonderful elements of lucas ', previous films make the phantom menace both memorable and entertaining . first  of course  is the remarkably rich and imaginative universe lucas creates . the characters visit magical underwater cities  evade dinosaur - sized sea monsters  fight battle droids and menacing " destroyers " on venetian - looking planet of naboo  watch a spectacular event  part roman - chariot race  part nascar circuit  on the arid desert planet of tatooine  then head to corsucant  the gothic urban capital of the republic and home to the galactic senate and the jedi council . each location is elaborate and complex . lucas never settles for vague ideas about the look of his settings  he creates rich  spectacular landscapes  palaces  and skylines . most of the new special effects in his re - released special edition trilogy in 1997 were changes that allowed him to give the earlier movies the look and feel that just weren ', t possible when the films were made . more than ever  in this new film  lucas ', universe is filled with a menagerie of creatures  robots with personalities  and a supporting cast of aliens who interact with the main characters . the best such character is watto  a greedy tatooine junk dealer who owns anakin and his mother as slaves . watto has a scratchy italian voice and a short  paunchy body with oddly mismatched wings that flutter like a hummingbird as he floats around the room . of all the computer - generated characters in the film  watto is the best done and most enjoyable . speaking of computer - generated characters  no review of the phantom menace is complete without mentioning the most controversial figure in the film : jar jar binks . with more than 80 minutes of screen time  jar jar is the realization of george lucas ', dream to include a fully computer - generated character into the cast of the new trilogy . jar jar  a clumsy amphibian and member of the gungan race  literally stumbles his way into the path of the jedi knights early in the film and becomes qui jon ', s accidental sidekick . jar jar usually performs a comic - relief role in the film  lightening scenes with his mishaps and inability to stay out of trouble . the animation of jar jar is nearly seamless  and he interacts with the characters throughout the film as if he were really on the set with the actors . however  despite the technological magic that makes his character possible  jar jar isn ', t completely convincing . he still moves and sounds too much like a cartoon to blend into a scene . throughout the movie  jar jar never transcends a " roger rabbit " - like presence . you accept that he ', s there  but you never lose sight of the fact that he is an animated character . initially  i found jar jar annoying  but grew to enjoy the humor he added to the film . on my second viewing of the film  jar jar was a lot of fun and i didn ', t mind him at all . a second reason this film continues the fine tradition of star wars movies is that the film is replete with humor and small details that flesh out the world lucas creates . despite all the film ', s struggles between good and evil  and the sober musings about one ', s destiny and " the force  " like all star wars films  the phantom menace never takes itself too seriously . fortunately  lucas hasn ', t lost sight of the fact that his films are entertainment  not high art . from the bumbling jar jar  to a one - man  two - headed announcer team calling the action at the film ', s thrilling pod - race sequence  to a cameo appearance by e . t . in the film  the phantom menace is simply a lot of fun  with lots of half - hidden jokes and humor that can easily be missed . and finally  the phantom menace works because  as in all his films  there is no shortage of speed and action . from beginning to end  there are light - saber battles  hair - raising chases  and thrilling duels between good and evil . the pod - race sequence on tatooine is one of the most entertaining and exciting scenes in any star wars film  and the final showdown between obi - wan  qui - gon  and darth maul is arguably the best choreographed  most thrilling fight sequence lucas has filmed . the phantom menace won ', t win any major oscars . it probably won ', t beat titanic ', s box office record . and it ', s not even the best star wars film ( i ', d put it third  after the original and the empire strikes back ) . but it ', s an exciting and entertaining film  far better than your typical summer blockbuster . the film can ', t live up to it ', s hype - no film  not even the original star wars  could have done that . but it ', s still worth seeing . . . probably more than once .
pos the premise is simple  if not bizarre . a mad scientist ( trace beaulieu as dr . clayton forrester ) launches an average - joe ( michael j . nelson as mike nelson ) into space where he forces his subject to watch the most horrendous movies ever made . why ? it ', s torturous  it ', s maniacal  and it ', s just plain fun . based on the cult - favorite cable television series  mystery science theater 3000 : the movie isn ', t torturous  but as for being maniacal and just plain fun  it foots the bill quite nicely . mike nelson  on a dog - bone shaped spacecraft  spends his days as any young man would dream - indulging in sarcasm and horseplay  and seeing quite a few movies . the catch is  these movies aren ', t the movies he chooses  but retched examples of film - making chosen specifically by dr . forrester in an attempt to break mike ', s will to live . dr . forrester is convinced that one too many b - movies is all it will take to ruin a man  but with a couple of wise - cracking puppet buddies ( tom servo  voiced by kevin murphy  and crow t . robot  voiced by beaulieu )  the torture becomes somewhat of a honorary party for all that is wrong in the world of cheezy cinema . the purpose behind mst3k is to exploit some of the worst films known ( even if by very few of us ) to man . we watch as the silhouettes of mike  tom  and crow sit in a darkened theater poking fun at the movie going on before them . in this case  it ', s the 1954 sci - fi film this island earth . we basically watch as our three leads watch  only we get the pleasure of eavesdropping on their hilarious commentary . the plots behind the movies ripped apart are really quite irrelevant  but for the sake of those who might want to know  i ', ll explain this one . this island earth is the tale of two scientists  a man and a woman  who wind up aboard a spaceship whose crew intends to destroy the earth . together the two fight to survive as well as save their home planet . to make mst3k work  the film - within - the - film naturally has to be as horrible as possible  and although the tv - series introduced us to several worse films than this island earth  it ', s a bad enough flick to bring about some hysterical cruelty . mst3k  which doesn ', t actually contain the complete this island earth  is a short 73 minutes  but this is a step very wisely taken . as funny as some of their observations are  it can only go so long . occasional breaks from this island earth also help the film tremendously . although it takes a second to get back into the right mode after this premise has been left for a moment  it ', s better than overkilling the whole concept post haste . mst3k lovers will likely hail the film greatly  but if you don ', t know what you ', re in for  it could be a jarring disappointment . although i thought the sharp wit of this film was worth three stars  it is a movie to be seen on home video  late at night when your brain is not functioning to full capacity anyway  and with a large  saracastic crowd - new year ', s at midnight for example  which is when i saw it . warning : although mst3k has more to its end credits than most ( the three leads use the credits to poke some more fun )  they are actually more annoying than most . the name slandering and asinine one - liners were extremely unfunny  and after laughing for about 70 minutes straight  it put a heavy damper on the overall experience . most people will likely stay to see what the smart - alec ', s have to say  but for me  it almost ruined an otherwise good film .
pos any movie about the underground music scene is a difficult beast to master . any meaning found in the underground is usually lost by the dumbing - down of the experience to make it " more accessible " to the general public . or the film is produced and directed by people that have about enough understanding of the subject matter that they ought to work as production assistants for vh1 . human traffic  a new film exploring the british underground party / rave scene and the people immersed in the world of clubbing  pubbing  drugs  sex  and the beautiful  beautiful music  is an example of how it really ought to be done . the film follows five brits in their young twenties during a wild weekend of parties  drugs  dancing  sex  pop culture discussions  relationships  and wanking off in front of a mirror while mum interrupts . the cast of character consists of jip ( john simm )  our narrator  who has a bit of a problem with his willy  known as mr . floppy . koop ( shaun parkes )  our black dj maestro  who has insecurity issues  afraid his girlfriend nina ( nicola reynolds ) is shagging other men . nina herself can ', t stand her mcjob and longs for the freedom of the weekends . lulu ( lorraine pilkington )  jip ', s best mate  is tired of her cheating boyfriends . and moff ( danny dyer ) can ', t seem to escape the black hole of his awful life . the film follows these five individuals during one weekend as each of them discovers love  friendship  and self - fulfillment  all against the raging party background . human traffic is proof that cinema can still tell us deep stories while being visually alive  as director justin kerrigan ', s subtle use of the camera lets the audience become part of the action . the use of direct communication to the audience by the collection of characters works well  making the viewer the subconscious mind for the characters . dialogue is crisp and moves with an even pace  and the acting is confident . however  the two females leads tend to promote their relationships and dialogue with a bit of unneeded urgency that shows through when poignancy is needed . human traffic does not try to explain the rave scene . instead  it gives the audience the ability to listen to the people inside it  letting you choose your own convictions about this powerful musical movement that brings together strangers  friends  and lovers for one blissful night of music and peace .
pos steve martin took an extended vacation from all facets of moviemaking a few years back ; he spent this time writing essays and short stories for " the new yorker  " several of which wound up in his hilarious hardback compilation  pure drivel ( 1998 ) . much of the book spares tinseltown from mockery  although he does riff on the racist comments made by marlon brando during a larry king interview  in a fine chapter called " in search of the wily filipino . " now  as writer and star of bowfinger  he offers the masses plenty of good reasons not to pursue a career in the cinema  perhaps finally venting the frustrations ( ', everything being made now is crap ', ) that led to his brief retirement from hollywood . martin stars as bobby bowfinger  a roger corman - wannabe on the cusp of fifty and desperate for some success as a producer  quality of the projects be damned . his accountant ( adam alexi - malle ) proposes a movie called " chubby rain  " about aliens who travel to earth in raindrops slightly fatter than regular raindrops . bowfinger latches onto the idea immediately  and convinces his troupe of actor friends to appear in the film  based on the lie that america ', s top box office draw  kit ramsey ( murphy )  has agreed to star . ramsey  of course  wants nothing to do with such low - grade material  so bowfinger  on the thinking that action stars need to run  not speak  decides to photograph the superstar surreptitiously . he sends his cast members ( who aren ', t in on it  either ; they are told ramsey hates the sight of cameras and fraternizing with his co - stars ) to ramsey ', s table at restaurants  asks them to follow him in parking lots  etc .  spouting script dialogue  all the while shooting the outcome from a great distance . the paranoid ramsey flees the scene nearly every time . ramsey is a member of mind head  a cultish self - help organization apparently dedicated to recruiting celebrities . ( as if that ', s not familiar enough  mind head guru terry stricter ( terence stamp ) has been dressed and combed to resemble l . ron hubbard  founder of scientology . ) when he goes to mind head with tales of caucasian strangers appearing from nowhere to babble " white code " in his face  they fear the nervous breakdown of an important client and rush him off to a retreat  requiring bowfinger to find a stand - in . murphy will probably win more fans as jiff  ramsey ', s adorable  ignoramus double  than as kit  but it is his portrayal of the latter that took courage . always surrounded by an entourage  suffering from a racial inferiority complex  murphy plays right into the tabloid image of himself . furthermore  consider the enemies he ', ll make of popular scientologists . pacing stricter ', s neutral - coloured office as if on an amphetamine binge and stripped of his bigshot veneer  ramsey is asked to shout inane personal affirmations repeatedly . murphy ', s scenes with stamp are exactly what i imagine of a john travolta " clearing . " not that murphy is entirely responsible for this schtick ; bowfinger is steve martin ', s invention . his script is surprisingly clever as satire  given that the pseudo - religion is a sitting duck  as is the entire los angeles film industry . ( the griffin mill - types take quite a beating  in the form of robert downey jr . as bigwig jerry renfro . ) martin ', s decision to tell the story from a bottom feeder ', s point of view is what keeps it fresh and innovative - never have we seen on screen a group of people struggle this hard to complete a motion picture . as expected  there are laughs only to be had insiders or buffs  such as martin ', s crew of mexican border - jumpers  who gain unexpected appreciation for the classics from reading " cahiers du cinema  " or martin ', s nonsensical explanation to dave  his loyal cinematographer ( jamie kennedy )  that every movie  in the end  has a budget of two - thousand dollars ( ! ) . most of bowfinger is universally funny  however ; i defy any viewer to keep a straight face when christine baranski  one of our brightest comediennes  is on screen . bowfinger ', s main flaw is a plot twist that has an insubstantial aftermath . we ', re also asked to believe that a few simple close - ups of kit ramsey would redeem " chubby rain  " z - grade entertainment that would make ed wood blush . ( this aspect of bowfinger has much in common with the ludicrous oscar sequence in oz ', s last directorial effort  the poorly conceived in & out . ) these are significant enough weaknesses that they distracted from my enjoyment of the piece . as i mentioned at the start of this review  bowfinger offers solid reasons not to do what heather graham ', s character daisy does : hop a bus to hollywood in search of stardom . that said  it offers one fantastic reason to get on that bus : the sense of community between filmmakers who gel is awesome . martin gets sentimental by story ', s end as he did in l . a . story  and how could he not ? for those who can hack it  the movies might be the greatest business in the world .
pos > from the man who presented us with henry : the portrait of a serial killer ( 6 . 5 / 10 ) comes a wild tale set within the elite and white trash of florida ', s south coast . plot : guidance counselor ( dillon ) is accused of raping one of his students . she happens to be the daughter of one of the wealthiest women in florida . the counselor is brought to court on the charges  as another white trash girl ( campbell )  also joins the rape finger - pointing club . as the story unfolds  we find that many things aren ', t exactly as they seem ( that ', s as much as i could say without ruining anything ) . critique : good little flick that slows down at certain points  and runs a tad long  but generates enough twists and turns to keep most people interested throughout . mind you  i could see many people not liking it because it takes " one too many " twists and turns  but hey  i happen to like that kind of thing . and besides  the twists and turns in this movie managed to remain within the realm of believability ( or scathingly close to )  and even " explained " many of its turns with a showcase of missed scenes during the credit crawl at the end of the film ( do not leave the theatre before you see the credits . . . it really does clear up some stuff ! ! ) . other than that  the acting was good  with campbell transforming her " good girl stereotypical " role into a pot - smoking  goth - looking white trash chick out for a good time . denise richards ( from starship troopers ( 7 / 10 ) fame ) solidifies herself as hollywood ', s jelly - donut pinup girl of the moment  and proves that all breast implants needn ', t lead to lawsuits . bacon is solid  and so is dillon ( while continuing to prove his inability to age to the whole wide wondering world ! ! ) . sprinkle the story with a bunch o ', shots of alligators peeking through the swamp waters  bacon showing the world the size of his ding - dong ( do we really need to see this ? ? )  a couple of lesbian kissing scenes  and a menage - a - trois  and you ', ve got yourself a decent time at the movie theatre . on the down side  the soundtrack was not as prominent ( or slick ) as i thought it would be  and theresa russell ( real name : theresa paup ) seems to have lost her way in every which way possible . . . . ooooh  i almost forgot bill murray ', s exquisite role as the down - trodden lawyer who agrees to defend dillon in court . murray actually added that extra little spice of humour that allowed this film to affirm its position as a quirky little noirish tale of sex  greed and mystery . little known facts : neve campbell specified a non - nudity clause in her contract ( she ', s also born in guelph  ontario . . . go hoser ! ) director john mcnaughton says he deleted a scene that would have shown matt dillon and kevin bacon showering together  as it was gratuitous . kevin bacon plays in a band with his brother  called the bacon brothers  is married to actress kyra sedgwick  and has a game based on him called " six degrees of kevin bacon " .
pos how many of us would become strippers ? for those of us who wouldn ', t  is it a moral reason  or purely a lack of confidence ? that ', s probably not a fair question  and for a lot of us  it could very well be for neither of those reasons . as you watch the full monty  however  you may begin asking yourself these kinds of questions . would you be willing to grin and bare it to bring in some much needed dough ? in case you haven ', t guessed  the full monty is about stripping  but striptease it ain ', t . it ', s actually quite a charming comedy that uses its ideas with a great deal of tact and sophistication . it is the story of six out - of - work  out - of - shape blue collar brits whose recent job losses have left the boys penniless  but not without need . what to do ? it hits our main character gaz ( robert carlyle ) as he notices the large crowds of women who pour into a local male strip club on a regular basis . it seems that simple : take it off and bring in the cash . eventually  gaz is able to convince his friends to join him in starting their own exotic dance routine despite their initial reluctance . these include the overweight  confidence - lacking dave ( mark addy )  the uptight  overly - officious gerald ( tom wilkinson )  the once suicidal lomper ( steve huison )  and two additional fellows who gain their place among the group by audition : horse ( paul barber )  an older gentlemen chock full of graceless energy  and guy ( hugo speer )  a young well - endowed looker who compares himself to cary grant . when the sextet is complete  we ', re given a hefty dose of physical comedy . we watch the bumbling middle - aged men choreograph pseudo - sexy dance numbers  all the while proving why none of them were strippers in the first place . as if there anti - appeal wasn ', t enough  they decide to boost interest in the group by promising " the full monty " on opening night  which for us americans  means baring it all . . . and i mean * all * . the movie actually ends on opening night ; a hilarious applause worthy ending i might add . it ', s sure to leave nothing short of a big smile on your face as you leave the theater . with the subject matter  you might not expect the fully monty to be such a feel - good  almost inspiring film  but it surprisingly turns out that way . the amount of light  touching drama also comes as a nice surprise  never feeling off - balance from the otherwise highly upbeat moments of the film . there ', s a lot more to this movie than you might think in other words  and the ensemble cast couldn ', t be better . each character is completely individual  interesting  funny  and most importantly  real . the full monty is never offensive  a very impressive attribute since its subject matter alone could ', ve easily fallen prey to tastelessness . it ', s one of those movies that is best described as a solid piece of entertainment  perfect for a great night on the town  or as a saturday night movie rental . either way you see it  it shouldn ', t let you down in the slightest . and  pun heavily intended  when it ', s all said and done  you ', ll be smiling from cheek to cheek .
pos director dominic sena ( who made the highly underrated kalifornia ) and producer jerry bruckheimer ( the rock  armageddon ) bring us a slick and entertaining remake of the 1974 film of the same name that absolutely no one has ever seen . nicolas cage plays memphis  a retired car thief who ', s " pulled back in " to the business by an evil car thief overlord ( christopher eccleston ) determined to kill memphis ', kid brother ( giovanni ribisi ) . memphis is ordered to steal 50 cars in four days time or his brother will meet an unfortunate demise  all while having to elude the detectives hot on his trail and a rival car thief who feels the job should have been given to him and his gang . memphis sets out to put his old crew back together  but discovers that most of them have retired as well . gone in sixty seconds does things right from the opening credits . in that sequence  we get a rockin ', little tune from moby  along with some simple back story told only with photographs and assorted objects . filmmakers can sometimes make or break a film just from its opening title sequence  and this one easily gets you in the mindset for an entertaining ride . and what follows doesn ', t disappoint . . . cage turns in one of his good performances here ( he can easily go either way . . . good or bad . . . i don ', t know how he does that )  and his mannerisms and dialogue delivery carry the film along nicely . of the supporting cast members  angelina jolie as memphis ', former love is in the film just to provide eye candy ( she ', s definitely the hottest looking grease monkey i ', ve ever seen ) and robert duvall as memphis ', former mentor is just around to lend the film some class . also  i ', m a big fan of will patton ( armageddon  the postman ) and would love to see him get a huge role someday . none of these three performers are given much to do unfortunately . some underrated performers however are given meaty supporting roles . delroy lindo ( get shorty ) shines as the exasperated detective in pursuit of memphis  as does timothy olyphant ( go ) as lindo ', s partner . i just wish some of the other characters could have been as important . the only real gripe i have about the film though is its conclusion . . . mainly because you know how it will end before the opening credits even roll . there ', s no doubt in anyone ', s mind that the 50 cars will be successfully stolen  and the filmmakers blew a perfectly good opportunity to add some suspense to the picture by using the " rival car thief " plot line . as it stands  that story line is wrapped up about halfway through the film in a tidy little package . but if i was making this film  i ', d have had the rival gang trying to get to the cars before memphis and his crew  thereby making memphis have to improvise . . . thereby adding some meat to the plot . the finale is essentially just a big car chase  and there just aren ', t ways to make car chases interesting anymore . it ', s all been done . the chase is also shot and edited in that " jerry bruckheimer action sequence " kind of way that leaves the audience wondering what specifically is going on in the scene . sure it ', s a car chase  but what exactly are the particulars of it ? it ', s very hard to tell . finally  there ', s a stunt during this scene that comes close to challenging the " bus jumping the ramp " sequence from speed in the " oh  i don ', t think so . . . " department . despite those minor complaints  gone in sixty seconds is pure summer movie entertainment . it ', s not thought provoking  but it ', s shiny  loud and fun . . . just what a summer flick should be . [ pg - 13 ]
pos books could be  and indeed have been written about the star wars trilogy  and rightfully so . this is a set of movies that shattered all expectations of what science fiction could be in the late 70s / early 80s  inspiring literally dozens of clones  from battlestar galactica all the way up to stargate and independance day  and one could argue revitalizing the whole science fiction genre . the special effects were groundbreaking  revolutionary for their day and still eminently watchable well into twenty years later . literally millions of people have seen the star wars trilogy and been touched by it . and now  george lucas brings it back for a new audience to enjoy . much has been and is still being made of the fact that mr . lucas has gone back and revised his trilogy for rerelease now . some fans are angry that he has dared to meddle with what they consider perfection  while others are thrilled by the idea of seeing yesterday ', s star wars updated with today ', s special effects wizardry . either way  the special edition release means that star wars is back on the big screen  where it rightfully deserves to be seen . can there be anyone in the world who doesn ', t know what star wars is about ? in a way  star wars is so much a part of our cultural heritage that it feels silly and almost artificial to try to summarize it . it ', s a story about a young man ', s coming of age  a fight for freedom against an oppressive empire  a tale of swashbuckling and derring - do the likes of which haven ', t been seen on the silver screen in decades  strange new worlds with strange alien creatures and weird surprises around every turn  and the yearning within each of us to realize our dreams and make a difference in the world . it ', s high adventure  incredible special effects  and . . . well  it ', s just an _experience_ . something about this movie sparked the imagination of a generation . . . and it ', s about to do so again . this new release of star wars comes as no surprise to many of the film ', s devoted fans  who have been trading rumors and bits of information about it for quite some time now . interviews  trailers  leaks from within lucasfilm . . . all of these have been collected  collated  and placed on webpages for people to see ( pages such as http : // www . islandnet . com /~ corona / films / details / sw4 . html or  my personal favorite  http : // leopard . cs . latrobe . edu . au /~ koukoula / ) . pictures of before and after have been placed side by side . . . even months before the movies were released  fans were making comparisons . in some cases  the changes were nothing less than phenomenal  and this can be seen from the comparison shots even before you go into the movie theater . the digital matte effects that were little more than a toy in forrest gump are put to excellent use here  unnoticeably sprucing up scenes that that george lucas was unsatisfied with in the original . for instance  in my personal favorite example  the ancient temple on yavin that was formerly a flat stone edifice now has deep  moss - covered carvings and etchings . and mos eisley spaceport is now a bustling  booming city  with more surprises and things going on in the background than you can notice on the first viewing . all the starships and fighters are now computer - animated  getting rid of glitches and artifacts of the special effects processes used when the film was originally made -- and they look _fantastic_ . four and a half minutes of new or missing footage have been added  including a scene with jabba the hutt that had originally been shelved because the state of special effects in 1977 simply couldn ', t do it justice . however  much of the ten million dollars that was spent on the star wars special edition restoration went into restoring the quality of the film itself . the negatives  badly damaged by the ravages of time  were brightened and returned to their original splendor . the audio tracks were remixed and reprocessed  with reworked sound effects by effects maven ben burtt  into glorious  booming  theater - shaking full - thx dolby digital stereo . and _that_  more than the added scenes or new special effects  is where the real value of this new version lies . it ', s really true what they say in the commercials : star wars loses _so much_ on the small screen . even letterboxing doesn ', t make up for the decrease in size and definition . in regard to the star wars special edition  and to the other two films of the trilogy which have yet to be released  i ', ll make this final recommendation : go and see it . go and see it more than once . . . it may be another twenty years before it comes back to the big screen after it ', s gone this time . take along the youngsters who ', ve never had the big - screen star wars experience -- you ', ll enjoy seeing it through their eyes as much as they will enjoy it for the first time . there ', s magic in this movie -- special edition or no  there can be no denying that it ', s still star wars  and still has the power to thrill and enthrall children of all ages  from four to four hundred . let ', s all return to that time long ago  and that galaxy far  far away . . .
pos eddie murphy has had his share of ups and downs during his career . known for his notorious late 80 ', s slump  murphy has still managed to bounce back with a handful of hits in the past few years . with the exception of the dreadful holy man  he appears to be on pace for a full - fledged comeback . life was a great move on the part of murphy and co - star martin lawrence  because it ', s a great showcase for both actors that never resorts to slap - sticky drivel . director ted demme is smart enough to realize that the two comedians can generate enough genuine laughs on their own  and doesn ', t insert a distracting plot to back them up . life is  in a sense  one great balancing act with murphy on one end and lawrence on the other . amazingly  the scale never tips in either ', s favor due to the marvelous chemistry and wonderful contrast that each actor allows the other . as the movie opens  we ', re introduced to ray gibson ( eddie murphy )  a two - timing pickpocket who schmoozes his way into a club . there he meets a successful businessman named claude banks ( martin lawrence ) . somehow  after multiple contrivances  the mismatched pair find themselves on their way to mississippi on a moonshine run . when all is said and done  ray and claude have been framed for a murder that was actually committed by the town sheriff . hence the setting of life : mississippi state prison  where the main characters come to realize their unlikely friendship is important  and become set on finding an fool - proof escape plan . the film takes us from the 30 ', s all the way to the 90 ', s  presenting a difficult task in showing how the aging process affects ray and claude . luckily  rick baker handles the makeup effects of the two actors in a fantastic  academy award caliber manner . not only do we believe the characters look as if they ', re 90 years old  but they sound like it  too . murphy and lawrence are completely convincing in the lead roles  even as crotchety old cons bickering over a game of cards . this is just one of the pleasant surprises that the film has tucked up it ', s sleeve . while the ads are marketing life as a straight arrow comedy  there is a hefty amount of dramatic material hidden at it ', s core . but the comedic aspects work wonderfully  wisely drawing strength from the talents of the two stars . the movie is more of a comedy than it is a drama  but in both senses  it ', s an overwhelming delight . i could say a few bad things about the movie  but i don ', t want to . it ', s such a nice surprise  such a great vehicle for eddie murphy and martin lawrence  that it warrants a huge smile as the credits begin to roll .
pos cinematically speaking  gordon parks ', original 1971 _shaft_ is not a great film . a bit slow at times and more than a little rough around the edges as it builds to its climactic explosion of violent action  this spirited but formulaic yarn that initially brought ernest tidyman ', s " black private dick that ', s a sex machine to all the chicks " to the big screen hardly qualifies as groundbreaking filmmaking . yet nearly 30 years after its original release -- and long after the genre it spawned  " blaxploitation  " died with that decade -- the 1971 _shaft_ remains an extremely entertaining watch  never having completely escaped pop culture consciousness . the reason for this is the same one that explains the film ', s connection with moviegoers far beyond the target african - american audience : the title character of john shaft . while the fact that the strong  smart  virile  and superbly suave shaft is black is the primary factor for his historical and cultural significance  his broad - based appeal stems from an idea that transcends race : he is comfortable  confident  and proud about who he is  and anyone who had a problem with that could simply kiss his ass . this fact also explains why john singleton ', s y2g revival of john shaft is as enjoyable as it is . much like the film that started the franchise  this _shaft_ ', s plot doesn ', t score points in the originality department  but the energy level and smooth attitude distinguishes it from standard crime thrillers . contrary to what has been reported over the past few months  this _shaft_ is not a remake of the original film  but more of a sequel / spinoff . the star audiences know and love from the original film and its first two sequels ( 1972 ', s _shaft ', s_big_score ! _ and 1973 ', s _shaft_in_africa_ )  richard roundtree  once again plays john shaft  who still runs a private investigation firm in new york city . however  the focus of the film lies on his same - named nephew ( samuel l . jackson )  who  as the film begins  is a cop whose take - no - crap demeanor constantly leaves him at odds with his superiors . when a privileged young man named walter wade jr . ( christian bale ) accused of a brutal  racially - motivated murder is allowed to be released on bail  a disgusted shaft leaves the force and decides to take matters into his own hands as a p . i . but that ', s easier said than done  for also standing in the way of shaft and his way of justice is peoples hernandez ( jeffrey wright )  a dominican gangster who is hired by walter to rub out waitress diane palmieri ( toni collette )  the only eyewitness to his crime . peoples -- or  rather  wright is also the big obstacle in jackson ', s way toward commanding this film . peoples is more of an outrageous comic character for most of the running time  and wright is insanely funny during these stages . however  he isn ', t so funny as to make the character come off as goofy and buffoonish  and peoples ', eventual turn to more serious villainy is seamless and believable ( which probably would not have been the case had he been played by original casting choice john leguizamo  who bowed out before filming ) . it ', s no easy task to steal a film from the jackson ( who is his usual captivating  charismatic self here )  but that ', s exactly what wright does -- and makes it seem effortless . then again  with such a talented ensemble surrounding him  it is not too surprising that jackson ', s impressive star turn doesn ', t quite tower over the rest ; he is strongly complemented not only by wright but all his other co - stars . bale has already proven his ability to play an uppity killer in _american_psycho_  so it only follows that his performance as a similar  less exaggerated character would be spot - on . collette lends the film some convincing and welcome dramatic weight as the frightened  conflicted diane . busta rhymes brings some good laughs as shaft ', s sidekick rasaan . registering not as strongly -- but through no fault of their own -- are vanessa williams ( as tough narcotics cop carmen vasquez ) and a dismayingly underused roundtree ; they simply are given little to do in the script credited to richard price  singleton  and shane salerno . ( jackson also has little to " do " in a sense ; some throwaway footage during the opening credits aside  his shaft doesn ', t even have one sex scene . ) that singleton once again proves his ability with actors is an especially good thing since he ', s not really an action director . this is not to say that he does a bad job with the numerous gunfights and the requisite foot and car chases . they move well ( as does the film as a whole ) and are reasonably exciting ; it ', s just that there ', s nothing terribly inventive about them . these set pieces are functional in the way the script is : they work well enough  but they ', re unsurprising and conventional . but if there ', s anything that a _shaft_ movie does well  it ', s make the familiar look cool -- and this _shaft_ keeps that tradition alive . from the slick title sequence -- scored  of course  to isaac hayes ', ever - infectious oscar - winning theme song  which singleton wisely sprinkles throughout the film -- on  the film looks great and easily sweeps the viewer into its world with its energetic bravado . even a common visual trick such as employing fancy wipes for scene transitions not only feels unforced  it feels necessary . style doesn ', t exactly make for a great film  but when it comes to _shaft_  that ', s of little consequence . what matters above all else is having a good time  and the latest _shaft_ should be just the first of many fun rides to be had with this bad mutha -- shut your mouth .
pos uncompromising french director robert bresson ', s " lancelot of the lake " achieves the exact opposite effect of sir thomas malory ', s " morte darthur . " instead of enshrining the legend of king arthur and his knights of the round table  it dethrones them by revealing arthur as a weak  ineffectual leader and the knights as a group of jealous  bickering men who failed to live up to the legends prescribed to them . chivalry has no place in " lancelot of the lake  " except as that of a dying ideal . bresson begins his tale as the knights of the round table are returning  decimated  after failing merlin ', s command to retrieve the holy grail  the mystical cup that was filled with christ ', s blood . bresson immediately gives us his impression of the essential meaning of the grail quest : bloodshed and failure . the opening sequence is a series of clumsy  disjointed fights amongst anonymous knights -- a head is hacked off  a stomach is impaled  a skull is split open  skeletal remains hang from trees  and burning bodies smolder in the ruins of a flaming house . since the film starts with camelot in near - ruin  and takes only an hour and a half to arrive at its inevitable conclusion  it doesn ', t carry the grand  tragic resonance of other arthurian films . we never get to see camelot at the peak of its power  therefore there is no real downfall to witness . but  then again  it is not the name of camelot that is evoked in the title of the film . rather  it is lancelot  and bresson is more interested in the internal battle within his heart  than the external downfall of a kingdom . lancelot has always been a tragic figure in the arthurian tales  and bresson uses him as the central figure to explore the battle between the spirit and the flesh . the greatest of all knights  he was flawed only in his love for arthur ', s wife  queen guinevere  and it was that illicit affair that eventually caused the downfall of camelot . even when lancelot attempts to end the affair with guinevere ( laura duke condominas )  he only finds himself falling back into her arms against his better judgment . he knows it means the destruction of the idealized kingdom  but he is powerless in his passion . when sir mordred ( patrick bernhard ) accuses lancelot of the affair  other knights  including sir gawain ( humbert balsan ) spring to lancelot ', s defense . it is this battle within the knights that is the eventual undoing of the round table ; the flesh wins out over the spirit  and the consequences are dire . bresson is an intensely personal filmmaker most interested in the interiors of men ', s hearts and minds . " lancelot of the lake " is filled with his particular trademarks : a stripped - down  minimalist style  flat  expressionless dialogue  and a grand use of natural sounds in place of music . he uses background music only twice in the film  during an opening narration segment and during the opening credits . the music here is a heavy drumbeat and accompanying bagpipes  but the rest of the film is scored with natural sounds that punctuate the film ', s thematic elements : the incessant clanking and creaking of heavy armor  the neighing of horses  the rhythm of hooves beating down dirt roads  and the natural chirping and whispering of the forest . like most of his other films  bresson employed nonprofessional actors who recite the dialogue in emotionless  flat voices . all the actors he used in " lancelot of the lake " had never acted before  and with the exception of patrick bernhard  they never acted again . never once do they raise their voices or put any emphasis on a given word . instead of using vocal inflection  bresson strove to create emotion through images . in some ways  this technique works ; in other ways  it doesn ', t . the final montage of arthur ', s men battling each other is quite marvelous  and the final image of the knights in shining armor reduced to a literal scrap - pile sums up the entire film in one moment . however  other times bresson ', s uncompromising methods are distracting and questionable . for instance  during an important jousting contest  bresson films the majority of the action so that the only things visible are the horses ', legs . he does this repeatedly  opening each shot with the same few notes from a bagpipe and the raising of a different flag . while there might be symbolic value in this  the resulting experience of watching it can be bothersome . nevertheless  " lancelot of the lake " is a fascinating cinematic experience boldly made by a master filmmaker . bresson ', s style may not be for everyone  but one has to respect his strength as an artist . by re - evaluating the arthurian legends and making them his own  he turns " lancelot of the lake " into something rare in modern cinema : a truly personal film .
pos capsule : the best place to start if you ', re a jackie chan newcomer . roars along  never stops for breath  and frequently hilarious . to talk about jackie chan as a " stuntman " is to miss a million things . jackie is not only one of the most accomplished and fearsomely unafraid physical adepts on the screen today  but also a very funny guy . he reminds me of the way arnold schwartzenegger * used * to make me laugh -- he ', s funny just standing there  copping a look . supercop has jackie making us laugh  scream  duck  root  and gasp for breath  often all in the same scene . it ', s actually the third in a loosely related series of movies  each with jackie playing kevin chan  a hong kong policeman who has a knack for getting neck - deep into trouble and then karate - kicking his way out of it . ( the others are also worth seeing . ) it ', s a little slow to start  but once it gets moving  it ', s a field day . the movie has a fairly sophisticated plot for movies of this kind . kevin is tapped for a dangerous dea assignment to be accomplished in mainland china  which requires him to collaborate with the attractive ( and ass - kicking ) chief fo chinese security ( played here by the ever - enjoyable michelle yeoh ) . there ', s a fun chemistry between the two of them  especially in an early scene where she tries to brief him and he keeps making wondering comments about how great she looks in that uniform . kevin is assigned to help spring a known gangster from jail -- all undercover  of course -- and have him lead the two of them to a noted drug boss . the drug boss  however  has problems of his own : his wife ', s on trial for many of his own crimes  and she ', s got the key to an account with all of his drug funds . this means  of course  endless trouble -- not the least of which is that kevin bumps into his girlfriend while he ', s out in the field  and she sees him with this other woman  and . . . but that ', s one of the movie ', s unique pleasures : the way it crosses from action to comedy effortlessly . action . there is  of course  non - stop action in this movie -- everything from one - on - one kung fu to all - out gun battles to a sppedboat with eight engines ( ! ) outrunning the hong kong coast guard . there is also a virtuoso climax  which features  among other things  jackie danging from a ladder tied to a helicopter  a wrong - way freeway chase ( which requires michelle to do an awesomely difficult handstand stunt )  a fight on top of a moving train that also involves the ', copter as well as a motorcycle . you get the idea . this is to action movies what a burger with everything on it is to fast food : quick  enjoyable  filling . watch it with friends . when they stop making movies like this  the world will be a tad greyer .
pos the calendar year has not even reached its midway point  but that hasn ', t prevented columbia pictures from trotting out a lavish period drama more befitting of the winter oscar - bait season . bille august ', s high - profile adaptation of victor hugo ', s classic les miserables delivers everything one would expect from a classy hollywood epic -- handsome production values  strong performances by a top - notch cast  a literate screenplay -- with one critically missing element : emotional sweep . for those not familiar with hugo ', s original novel or the hit stage musical it inspired  the hook of les miserables essentially boils down to something like a 19th - century french - set version of the fugitive . after serving 19 years in a prison work camp for stealing a loaf of bread  the brutish jean valjean ( liam neeson ) is paroled . immediately upon release  he steals valuable silverware from a kindly bishop who takes him in for a night ; he is caught by authorities  only to be forgiven by the bishop  who lets valjean keep the silver to start a new life on the straight and narrow . that he does  and in doing so breaks his parole  which sets the obsessively determined inspector javert ( geoffrey rush )  who was one of the guards in valjean ', s prison camp  on his trail . thematically  however  les miserables is a story about redemption  which valjean finds through his dealings with two women  the hard - luck factory - worker - turned - prostitute fantine ( uma thurman )  and her illegitimate daughter  cosette . years after breaking parole  valjean becomes mayor of the town of vigau  where he forms a warm friendship with fantine after saving her from an unjust arrest by javert . valjean promises the gravely ill fantine he will rescue the young cosette ( mimi newman ) from her cruel caretakers  the thenardiers  and raise the child as his own . the " father " and " daughter " eventually land in paris  where the teenage cosette ( claire danes ) falls for dashing student revolutionary marius ( hans matheson ) . the decades - spanning story is the stuff that cinematic epics are made of  and the danish august turns in his most accomplished english - language work  following the underrated 1994 superstar soap the house of the spirits and last year ', s stylish but highly preposterous mystery smilla ', s sense of snow . he and screenwriter rafael yglesias bring the sprawling tale into clear focus and keep the events moving at a brisk pace . production designer anna asp  costume designer gabriella pescucci  and cinematographer jorgen persson give les miserables a sumptuous period look whose accomplishment is mostly matched by the efforts of the cast . neeson is commanding yet endearingly vulnerable ; rush ', s finely modulated menace is far more rewarding than his overrated  oscar - winning theatrics in shine ; and thurman disappears nicely into her highly unglamorous role . the younger members of the cast fare less well . danes is convincing as cosette  but her overdone lip quivering during her crying scenes becomes a distraction ; and matheson  while competent  is a less interesting robert sean leonard . as technically adept and cerebrally engaging the film is  by the time les miserables was over  my emotions had only been superficially involved . while i was touched by valjean ', s relationships with fantine and cosette  i was not moved . not even reaching the " touching " level is the cosette - marius pairing . my only previous experience with les miserables is with the musical ( as i am sure many others ', is )  and i was dismayed to see eponine  a friend of marius ', s who selflessly dies in the name of her unspoken love for him  almost completely jettisoned from this adaptation ( the daughter of the thenardiers  here she is only briefly seen as a child ) . her presence would have added some much - needed conflict and emotional heft to the youthful romance  but i suppose august and yglesias felt one tragic heroine ( fantine ) was enough . even so  as 1998 creeps into summer blockbuster season  les miserables is a thoughtful  well - made  entertaining film  one that will sate moviegoers hungry for a dose of drama before popcorn no - brainers invade the multiplex .
pos an entertaining 2 hours awaits the audience in this film set in the early 80 ', s . sevigny and beckinsale play disco chicks alice and charlotte  who are on the lookout for love . alice is mousy  shy  intellectual  charlotte is bitchy  out - going and fun . we join their adventures as they go through a variety of adventures  and men  all to the background of the local disco . whit stillman has both written and directed an interesting and believable story . alice and charlotte are both well written characters  and the actresses who play them aren ', t bad aswell . sevigny delivers an honest performance  and makes the audience feel for her character . beckinsale plays extreme bitch personified  yet her character never becomes completely unlikeable . the huge supporting cast also play a part in making sure this movie is thoroughly entertaining . the dialogue is sharp and well written  with many funny set pieces . for example  there ', s a great discussion about lady & the tramp by the main characters . the disco tunes playing in the background also make sure that this admittedly long film is good fun . the direction is good  bringing out the drama and comedy in the scenes . but their are slight flaws with the movie . firstly  although it is supposedly set in the 80 ', s  the characters are very  very 90 ', s . the way they dress and act have a very 90 ', s feel to them . although the male hairstyles look slightly 80 ', s  frankly the 80 ', s atmosphere just wasn ', t conveyed  which is a shame . also  as mentioned above  the film is too long  and some parts do lag . the charm of the characters do help these moments  but generally the editing could of been a bit tighter . the plot also side - tracks into a silly cocaine dealing bust  which seemed out of place in this movie . finally  their are almost too many characters in the film  and despite the running time  the film never really spends enough time on them . some of the characters are very slight  which is a shame . the conclusion  while funny  is also surprisingly weak  and certainly not strong enough . but despite these qualms  the last days of disco is a funny  warm movie  which is certainly worth seeing  and is a fitting homage to the disco era of the 80 ', s . worth a look . overall rating = review by david wilcock ? 1998 " you know  for kids " - norville barnes
pos gordon fleming ( peter mullan ) is in a bind . he has a new  unexpected baby and his business  hazardous material removal  is in danger of going under . when he and his crew get a job opportunity at the long - abandoned danvers state hospital  he underbids the competition to secure the contract and promises to get the three - week job done in one . it will prove to be a fateful week for them all in " session 9 . " gordo gets the job to remove asbestos and other hazardous materials from the spooky old mental hospital in preparation for relocating town offices there . their guided tour of the facility by a local official  bill giggs ( paul guilfoyle )  brings them through some of the creepier parts of the former asylum . but  a job is a job and  if they finish in a week  as promised  there is a $ 10000 bonus in store . as they get down to their work  things  normal and not so normal  begin to happen . gordon hears a disembodied voice beckoning him . phil ( david caruso ) is conflicted working with a guy  hank ( josh lucas )  who is seeing his old girlfriend . mike ( co - screenwriter steven gevedon ) has discovered a cache of audiotapes and transcripts from old psychiatric sessions ( hence  the title ) with inmate mary hobbs  a multi - personality patient with a dark secret . gordo ', s nephew  jeff ( brendan sexton iii )  suffers from night phobia and is afraid to venture into the dark bowels of the hospital . as the agreed upon week draws to an end  hank mysteriously disappears from the workplace after a nocturnal confrontation with someone ( something ? ) in the hospital . tensions mount and distrust build among the rest as they watch their chance for the bonus start to slip away . but  there is more  much more  at stake as the hospital and its history of insanity weigh on them all . i don ', t want to give away too much of the story of " session 9  " so i ', ll stop there . what we have here is a spooky horror flick that uses none of the jump - out - at - you - from - the - dark cheap shots that have become part and parcel with horror films since the advent of " halloween " and " friday the thirteenth . " there is no cat leaping out of the dark or the shock of suddenly seeing oneself in a strategically placed mirror . with the exception of one shadowy and chilling image at one point spooky interlude in the film  there is little that you can get your arms around as far as what  specifically  is " frightening . " as i watched " session 9 " i became aware of the subtle things that built up during the story that make it a true horror movie . the striking high - definition video camera work by uta briesewitz ( who worked with the director  brad anderson  on his " next stop wonderland " ) helps to build up tension with close - ups  fluid camera movement and odd angles in a way that would make alfred hitchcock proud . music  too  is used to intense effect  joining with the camera to make simple scenes frightening  even horrifying . couple these tech feats with an intelligent story that uses elements of " the shining  " " the blair witch project " and  even " the texas chainsaw massacre " and you get a decent  intriguing horror flick . additionally  the brilliant decision to shoot at danvers state hospital gives the film another starring character  the institution itself  which lends even more chills to the equation . acting is another factor that raises " session 9 " above the usual dreck presented in recent horror hits like " scream  " " i know what you did last summer " and their sequels . those films took good - looking  though generic  young actors and actresses and put them to use to build up a body count  substituting mayhem for real horror . anderson opted  instead  to use mature  experienced actors like peter mullan and david caruso to fill his characters ', shoes and the difference in casting quality is notable . mullan  in particular  puts an arc on his character  gordon  as the troubled guy who slowly and inexorably falls under the pressures of family  job and  finally  danvers state hospital . the rest of the small cast fit the bill as people  not just fodder for the mayhem . david caruso  as gordo ', s senior man and near equal in the business  shows just how good an actor he is . he made the jump from tv ', s " nypd blue " to film far too soon and his decisions in the roles he took ( i ', ll never forget the horrendous " jade " ) were less than star making . he rolls his sleeves up and does the job well here . gevedon  lucas and sexton are more than fodder  too . the only problem with " session 9 " lay in the uninspired ending . it takes on a fairly conventional finale that covers old ground and is a bit of a disappointment after the terrific ( and inspired ) build up . the pleasure is getting there and i wish that anderson and gevedon had kept up the steam they had so ably built during the bulk of the film " session 9 " is an unusual feat . it is scary  doesn ', t use cheap tricks and raises goose bumps with its intelligently rendered  subtle horror . because of the local interest of danvers  it should do well with the northeast crowd . i hope it gets the national distribution it deserves . i give it a b + .
pos the latest epos from lars is a blast  although a rather moody one . this lovestory is situated in a small town in the rough dreary cliffs in the vestern part of scotland in the 1970 something . the church ( calvinistic ) is so strict that the church bells has been removed from the clocktower  they are considered being too unrestrained . in these surroundings we find the to - be - weds jan and bess  played by stellan skarsgaard and the remarkable new movie actress emily watson . jan is on leave from the oilrig and bess . . is just bess  a bit naive and innocent ( in every aspect of the word )  at first . at the wedding party we are told an anecdote  illustrating her infinite kindness  she once lend a bike to an stranger  her best friends bike however . but bess is suffering in this scary religious society . we soon take part in a funeral where a man  fallen off the orthodox path  is laid to rest while doomed to hell . women are not allowed to attend funerals or speak up in the church . when the end of the honeymoon approaches we see bess idolizing jan in such an intend  almost manic  that her friends try to calm her down a bit . the time has come when jan is to return to the rig  bess is falling into the darkness of depression  her yelling of grief and sorrow are heard above the breaking of the waves . she can ', t stand the thought of life without her husband . we witness her dialogues with god ( she speaks both parts  paranoia ? ) convincing god to return jan from the oilrig  and her prayers are heard . an accident on the rig bring him back  paralysed from the neck and down . now he can ', t satisfy her need for physical love  he try to persuade her into finding a lover  with the ulterior motive to make her describe these affairs to him in every detail . at first she resist  but her love for jan and his assurance that this will make him recover more rapidly make her comply . imagine what this is doing to the poor girl ? the story is cleverly divided into eight chapters parted by beautiful pictures made by danish artist per kirkeby  accompanied by music from the era ; procol harum  deep purple  t - rex and others . the use of hand - held camera and lack of any make - up make the characters solid and help to separate this movie from others in the sentimental genre . the incredible performance from the actors makes the movie brilliant  though a bit too gloomy for my taste . i would say that it is in the genre of betty blue ( 37 . 2 le matin ) and bitter moon ( lunes de fiel ) . emily watson as bess and katrin cartlidge as her best friend dodo deliver outstanding performances  this must be the reason for giving it the " grand prix du jury " in cannes this year ( although we had hoped for the " palme d ', or " ) . the screenplay is now available in print  the transformation being made in the period from ultimo may to july  just in time for the danish premiere .
pos anastasia contains something that has been lacking from all of the recent disney releases . . . ( especially hercules ) . . . emotion . all the wacky characters voiced by celebrities and fantastically animated adventure sequences aren ', t going to hold anyone ', s interest unless there is an emotional core to hold it all together . not since disney ', s beauty & the beast has there been such a compelling animated film with interesting characters and drama that works . the story of the romanov family  the rulers of russia  and their downfall begins the film . anastasia  one of the daughters  narrowly escapes the mad monk rasputin ( voiced by christopher lloyd ) with her grandmother ( voiced by angela landsbury ) . but anastasia gets lost  and grows up with no memory of her royal origins . the grandmother lives in paris  hoping to someday find her beloved anastasia  the only member of the family to survive the russian revolution . a young woman named anya ( voiced by meg ryan ) runs across dimitri ( john cusack ) and vlad ( kelsey grammar )  who are trying to put together a scheme to create an anastasia to fool the grandmother and get the reward money . they pick anya to pose as their princes  and of course  it is soon revealed that anya is in fact the lost anastasia . dimitri realizes that he can never win her love as he is a commoner  and meanwhile  rasputin is not dead  and plots his revenge against the last romanov . the plot is actually quite well structured . there are a lot of complexities that may have to be explained to the kids later  but it moves along fast enough that they ', ll never have time to be bored . what this really means is that the adults won ', t be bored by it either . there is a great deal of banter between anya and dimitri that is very funny  and their relationship develops quite naturally as the film progresses . there is  of course  lots of comedy for the kids  including rasputin ', s pet bat  bartok ( hank azaria )  who is easily the funniest thing in the film . however  the comical scenes never distract from the drama  but are worked into the plot almost seamlessly . the animation is gorgeous - the characters seem to come to life through the talented animators . not since beauty & the beast have animated characters had so much life to them . even without the voices  they act . the musical number in paris is a show - stopper  with some of the backgrounds rendered in an impressionist painting style . as with all recent animated features  there are songs  however  these songs do more than just provide fodder for top - 40 singers to get on the radio ( although there are three of them during the end credits ) . the songs are all very catchy  and advance the plot  instead of just being showpieces ( except for the paris number  but that ', s so much fun  it ', s okay . . . ) . i can ', t reccomend anastasia highly enough . it ', s a wonderful film that ranks right up there with other animated classics . kids and adults alike will enjoy it  and it ', s also nice to have a quality animated feature film from another studio besides disney .
pos i can hear the question already . what on earth do these two movies have in common ? to most people  not a lot  except that both are by renowned directors . as i saw them  however  both movies have flawed romantic scripts wrapped in distinctive packaging of lavish visuals musical numbers . but oh  how differently the packages affect their films . while " everyone ', s " production numbers make an otherwise ordinary woody tale something special  jane campion ', s imaginative visuals only serve to emphasize how pompous and uninvolving laura jones ', script is . i left " everyone says i love you " not remembering a lot about who loved whom  but its infectious happiness put a grin on my face . i left " the portrait of a lady " not remembering a lot about who loved whom  and i could have cared less . " everyone " features nothing allen hasn ', t done before storywise . woody is again desperately in love with a beautiful woman ( roberts )  and against the odds they manage to click for awhile before allen is left wondering what went wrong -- again . similar situations happen to his family and friends . some of the more outlandish comedy scenes even hark back to his " early  funny " films . the scenes between tim roth and drew barrymore could have come out of " take the money and run  " his directorial debut . however  nothing allen has ever done prepared me for this one - of - a - kind display of sheer good spirits . in fact  in this movie  the feeling itself is what ', s most important . yes  the movie would have been better -- among his very best  i think -- if it had a meatier story . but what it lacks in substance it makes up for in feeling . and what better way to express feeling than through music ? love is often best expressed in a song  and the numbers the cast break into here cut straight to the heart . some are a tad too goofy  such as the number where a lot of ghosts prance around in a funeral parlor  but i admired allen for even putting them in there . it also helps that as usual  allen has a top - flight cast working with him . their singing voices range from quite good ( goldie hawn ) to not quite good ( allen ) to literally unlistenable ( barrymore  whose real voice was dubbed by a professional ) . but while their vocal abilities differ  all the actors do a great job of putting joy up there on the screen  and making it rub off on the audience . granted  some people will simply never accept characters singing in movies  but for those attuned to it  this film should work wonders . jane campion  too  has a top - flight cast working for her in " portrait of a lady  " too  but even their considerable skills can do nothing to keep the film from being a stilted  virtually lifeless mess  albeit a visually interesting one . campion and her cinematographer stuart dryburgh come up with a great variety of eye - filling images that linger in the mind . unfortunately  what didn ', t linger in the mind for me was the story the visuals were supposed to be reflecting . i remember very well shots of a train with its light beaming and shots of men vanishing around nicole kidman  but i can remember very little of what happened between all these people . even worse  i don ', t find myself feeling bad that i ', ve forgotten . the problem  i think  lies not with the cast  which seemed to be trying very hard for the material . it was the script that couldn ', t convince me to care about anyone . the characters were putting out all kinds of emotion  but i found no reason to connect with any of them . i understood that the story was about cold  emotionally vacant characters  but for me to care about them  i have to identify with them somehow and want them to inject feeling into their lives . jones ', script never simply gave me that opportunity . in the end  it almost seemed as if campion was trying to inject some life of her own into the proceedings with her visual flourishes . unfortunately  as she kept painting these dazzling pictures  they only served to push me further away from the material and remind me that there was no connection between me and the film . in the end  the movie ', s one strength ended up hurting it . so here we have two films with pretty uninteresting plots  and yet i was able to truly enjoy one of them . why ? with both films  my head cared about neither story  but only " everyone says i love you " was able to make my heart sing .
pos you ', ve got to think twice before you go see a movie with a title like maximum risk . the title is generic . it ', s meaningless . and i can ', t believe it ', s good business . when you pick up the phone and dial 777 - film  how in the world are you supposed to remember that the new jean - claude van damme movie  the one that looked kind of cool in the trailers and is directed by some chinese hot shot  is called  geez  maximum risk ? yuck . the movie itself deserves your attention . for sweet bloody thrills  this one beats the summer blockbuster competition hands - down . only mission : impossible came close to delivering as skillful a thriller  and i ', ll give maximum risk the edge simply because it ', s not as slick as the tom cruise picture  and therefore more gratifying in its execution . much to my surprise  van damme continues to develop as a pleasant  unpretentious action hero . his track record isn ', t as solid as schwarzenegger ', s  but he ', s a hell of a lot more adventurous than arnold . in 1993  van damme worked with hong kong ', s premier hardcore action director  john woo  on a fairly lame movie called hard target . ( if you can find a bootleg copy  woo ', s radically different director ', s cut is much better than what was eventually released . ) this follow - up is directed by ringo lam ( city on fire  full contact )  whose hong kong films are distinguished action pictures that have consistently played second fiddle to woo ', s more operatic offerings . the surprise here is that maximum risk is a more effective hollywood action flick than either hard target or woo ', s subsequent broken arrow . here ', s the rundown . van damme plays a french cop named alain moreau who is shaken when a policeman friend ( jean - hugues anglade ) finds a corpse that ', s alain ', s exact double . turns out alain was separated at birth from his twin brother  michael  who has been killed by some russian heavies ( and some strangely american looking cops ) . alain does some investigating . he finds that michael had booked a flight to new york city  and received a message from someone there named alex bohemia . assuming michael ', s identity  alain flies to new york and gets tangled up with michael ', s girlfriend ( natasha henstridge )  the fbi  and the russian mob in little odessa . that ', s as much as you need to know . the story is adequate  but not overly involving -- and the major plot points are basically explained to you twice  just in case you go out for popcorn at the wrong moment . there ', s a love story  too  but i didn ', t find it terribly convincing  partly because ex - model henstridge is too high - strung in her high - profile debut ( she had precious few lines as the alien ice queen in species ) . she ', s great to look at  and she can certainly read a line  but what she does here can ', t really be described as " acting . " of course  " acting " isn ', t really what she was hired for ( i lost track of whether her shirt comes off more often than van damme ', s ) . the movie is exceptionally violent  bordering on gratuity . ( keep that in mind when planning your date . ) the stunts are spectacular  and the fact that you can spot van damme ', s stand - in makes his work no less impressive . there ', s only so much you can do with a car wreck  but this movie makes crisp  effective use of pile - ups in a handful of frenzied destruction derbies . and lam has a surprising  innovative sense of exactly where the camera should go to catch any bit of action . the main difference between lam and woo  i believe  is that while woo relies on sheer spectacle to gas up his action show pieces  lam has figured out more about using cinematic space and double - barreled points of view to make things run . don ', t get me wrong -- when chow yun - fat soars through space pumping bullets out of two pistols and chewing on a toothpick with glass and confetti littering the air around him in woo ', s hard - boiled  it ', s an amazing moment . but it ', s a moment that ', s hard to reproduce in hollywood . ( for one thing  hollywood doesn ', t yet have chow yun - fat ! ) while woo ', s hollywood movies look like the work of a talented upstart  maximum risk is a surprisingly confident picture . the very first shot of the film is an awkward overhead view of a chase through the streets of a european city  but lam ', s use of odd camera angles becomes more efficient later on . the film editing is a particularly savvy complement to lam ', s shooting style  accentuating rather than amplifying the action . the performances could have used some fine tuning ( in particular  there ', s an annoying  overwritten manhattan cab driver in the early scenes who should have been toned down or jettisoned completely )  and the movie doesn ', t always overcome the limitations of its genre . the story is a little mundane  although there are some effective moments involving van damme ', s unrequited feelings toward the brother he never knew he had . but it ', s not often that hollywood cranks out a truly satisfying action picture  and it ', s doubly surprising that this one should come with a mere whisper of publicity . van damme fans should treat themselves to what may well be the man ', s best movie  and international action buffs will no doubt savor this flavorful hong kong / hollywood hybrid .
pos in many ways  " twotg " does for tough - guy movies what la confidential did for police stories . there ', s savviness in its writing and a mature patience in allowing the material to unfold . but  i suppose  we wouldn ', t expect less from christopher mcquarrie  who was responsible for giving us " the usual suspects " . his writing talents are still in tact as he brings to us a bloody yet intellectual tale of two unabashed but dimwitted thugs and a plan gone awry . the two goons are parker and longbaugh ( ryan phillipe and benicio del toro ) . these two men show the hardened wear of those who have always had it tough . their troubled youths have forged two nihilistic souls who use their amazing gunplay skills to survive . given the choice of minimum wage or petty crime  they ', ll always choose the latter . yet  they are incredibly foolish planners . actually  these two never really have a plan . they just improvise along the way  hoping that their bravado and arsenal of guns will take care of anything that they might have overlooked . their next scheme  which they cook up about as fast as a mcdonald ', s burger  is to kidnap some surrogate mother named robin ( juliette lewis ) that was hired by some well - to - do family . if all goes well  they ', ll receive a nice bit of ransom money and life goes on . what parker and longbaugh do not realize is that robin is carrying a baby for the chidduck family  whose patriarch is a feared crime boss . moreover  two bodyguards ( nicky katt and taye diggs ) constantly escort her . these two protectors find an eerie sense of pleasure when being confronted and tested in life and death situations . they would rather die than fail ; thus their bravado level is equally high . but it seems that the testosterone levels of parker and longbaugh are a bit higher  and they employ some unusual but fun - to - watch tactics to pull off the kidnapping and to outrun the pursuers in a sort of slow - motion car chase down a series of alleyways . the next hour or so  we watch the chidduck camp regroup and assess their situation . during this time  additional plot lines come into play and more and more details are revealed . because the chidduck ', s can not go to the police and because of the special circumstances involving the kidnapping  we are introduced to more characters that will help to influence the outcome . we discover that not everyone in the chidduck camp is loyal to the cause . as a result  there are undercurrents of a conspiracy  and elements of betrayal and subterfuge . the sepia - toned atmosphere is made all the more fascinating thanks to a terrific soundtrack which emits velvet forebodings  shrills of intrigue and crescendos that tell us of life and death situations that are about to occur . the momentum and the coolness of the film  however  begins to fizzle in the last 30 minutes  which featured an overly extended shootout where our two desperados try to make their way off with the ransom money . you can expect lots of bloodletting and an odd denouement . in fact  you may admire this film more than you like it . yet  for the most part  " the way of the gun " stays on target . it feels cool with its elements of conspiracy and gunplay  and smart for its invective dialogue and tough guy poetry .
pos marie ( charlotte rampling  " aberdeen " ) and jean ( bruno cremet  " sorcerer " ) are a comfortable  sixty - ish married couple looking forward to a peaceful vacation at their second home in lit et mix . on their first  full day  marie sunbathes as jean goes for a swim . hours later  marie ', s initiated a full scale search when jean hasn ', t returned  but no trace of him is found . marie returns to paris and resumes her life  including chats with jean at the end of each day in francois ozon ', s " under the sand . " marie ', s ex - pat british friend amanda ( alexandra stewart  " frantic " ) and her french husband gerard ( pierre vernier ) try to snap marie out of her denial with a dinner party  where they introduce her to the handsome vincent ( jacques nolot  " nenette et boni " )  yet marie suggests that gerard accompany her and jean to their gym the next morning . eventually marie does begin dating vincent  but she discusses him with jean and even smiles at jean  hidden behind a bedroom curtain  when she makes love to vincent . slowly  though  reality continues to chip away at marie ', s fantasy life . her bank advises her that without access to jean ', s account  she needs to reduce her spending . one of her university students ( she ', s reading virginia woolf ', s " the waves " ) turns out to be one of the young men who participated in the beach search . then police arrive asking her to identify the clothing of a body they ', ve found washed up from the ocean . that night  jean ', s not at home when she returns to their apartment . her mother - in - law ( andree tainsy ) cruelly insists that jean simply abandoned her out of boredom . finally  marie goes to the police  insisting on viewing the body . horrified ( she ', s been warned it was in an advanced state of putrefaction )  she laughs when handed a bagged watch  insisting that this is not her husband . " under the sand " is a character study and melancholy portrait of aging ( ', i ', ve lost my youth  ', marie declares ) and loss . charlotte rampling  given the chance to portray an older  yet still sexual  woman runs with it  bringing us into the mind of the character . her chemistry with bruno cremet is startlingly natural . as marie returns from her first date with vincent  she sits on the couch with jean . ', did he kiss you ? ', he asks . the mood the two create is incredibly intimate and sad . ozon ( " water drops on burning rocks  " " see the sea " )  who cowrote the script with emmanuelle bernheim  marcia romano  and marina de van  has turned in a more mature work than his previous  creepy " see the sea . " while he cleverly never lets us see jean enter the water that fateful day  leaving a number of possibilities - accident ?  suicide ?  escape ? - open  he definitely tips his hand towards a certain outcome . cinematography by antoine hiberli and jeanne lapoirie ( " water drops on burning rocks " ) glides around marie ( their 180 shot as she initially searches the ocean ', s horizon for a sign of jean conveys her panic ) or captures rampling ', s exotic face in mood divining closeup . in an inventive fantasy scene  marie imagines jean ', s hands massaging her feet while in a state of auto - arousal . his two hands become four  then more combined with her own  becoming almost a one person orgy and recalling roman polanski ', s " repulsion . " original music by philippe rombi quietly adds to the overall melancholy . " under the sand " is a unique portrait of loss . it would make an fascinating double bill with liv ullmann ', s " faithless " from earlier this year  another character study of a woman facing loss for different reasons .
pos is it just me  or have disney films gradually lost their appeal ? i was almost stunned by the quality of " who framed roger rabbit ? "  a fun  unique look at a world where cartoons and people lived together . " the little mermaid " harkened back to  and perhaps surpassed  the classic disney animations from the first half of the century . however  the endless stream of " the little mermaid " wanna - be ', s is getting to me . you know the spiel : a lame plot recycled from some well - known story  colorful  almost psychedelic animation  the lead character who learns a valuable moral lesson  the comedic sidekick / sidekicks  the seemingly unattainable love interest  a few catchy songs  a few in - jokes for adults  and the occasional out of place warner - brothers - coyote - fall - off - the - cliff type joke . it ', s a formula  and like any formula  it gets tiresome . that ', s why i ', m delighted to hear that disney recently picked up the international distribution rights to the works of ghibli  a japanese cartoon studio . from what i ', ve seen of their movies ( " kiki ', s delivery service " and the already english - dubbed and american - distributed " my neighbor totoro " )  foreign audiences are in for a treat . these movies  particularly " kiki ', s delivery service  " are wonderfully original and entertaining . " kiki ', s delivery service " starts with an unusual premise : kiki  upon hearing forecasts of clear skies  decides it is time for her to leave home . this is unusual because kiki isn ', t a college student or a young adult making her start on the world  but a thirteen year old girl eager to begin her training as a witch . her mother is also a witch  and as thirteen is the obligatory age for such training  her parents treat her leaving understandingly and put up only token resistance . just the idea of a witch heroine may scare away some audiences  but no mention is made of the occult  and the subject is dealt with harmlessly throughout the movie : kiki ', s mother acts as a village doctor  and kiki is able to do no more than fly on a broom . kiki must choose a city to move to  and what she chooses is the co - star of the movie : a german seaport town  far removed from the country life she has been used to . initially lost in the impersonal hugeness of her surrounding  she ', s discouraged  and unable to support herself though her rudimentary skills as a witch . on the verge of leaving for a new town  she uses her power of flight to deliver a pacifier to a baby who dropped it . the favor eventually blossoms into her working as a courier  a one - persons delivery service . this is where the movie becomes shockingly good . kiki ', s job is a catalyst for her realizing the beauty of the city and the world around her . the townspeople she is put in contact possess an inner worth that doesn ', t seem forced or artificial  but merely derived from looking at ordinary people in a different light . they ', re three - dimensional  impossible to quickly evaluate  possessing of faults  and understandably reserving in kindness towards a strange girl . however  each one has something about them  some interest or trait  that makes them interesting and unique . the personal beauty of the citizens is complimented by the beauty of the surroundings : the seaport town genuinely looks impressive  capturing the european charm of a medieval city adapted to the more modern needs of the 1950 ', s . this beauty is beauty with depth ; for every detail left in  dozens are only hinted at . i could probably go on all day  but i won ', t ; suffice it to say that many of these minor details could have been the highlight of the movie . some of my favorites are kiki ', s relationship with the baker ', s husband : although he ', s quiet  never shown speaking to kiki throughout the movie  and he initially scares her  his kindness wins her friendship . in the garage of a deliveree ', s house can be found a vintage model t . two old ladies have a relationship evolving from master - servant to friend - friend . such details gives the impression that the beauty shown in the movie is only the tip of the iceberg . added on top of this is a lesson on the importance of self - worth . kiki initially seems to derive much of her self - worth from the beauty of her surroundings and the people around her  but an encounter with a rude girl crashes down her bewonderment  making her question the importance of such beauty . this causes kiki to lose faith in herself . however  kiki comes to realize not only the beauty of her surroundings  but the innate beauty inside her . seeing kiki regain faith in herself is marvelous  and the principal device used to do it is so sublime that i don ', t even want to hint at it . the ending of the movie has a subtle charm combined with a sense of awe and  ironically  the most disney - esque moment i ', ve ever seen ; if you don ', t hold your breath in wonder you might want to get medical attention . the movie steers free of many of the disney conventions : there is no violence  however cartoonish  no song - and - dance number  and kiki ', s pet cat jiji is more a friend than a comedic sidekick  although jiji is given many funny lines and scenes . however  i would be surprised if disney doesn ', t give jiji more jokes  or at least the voice of some comedian . refreshingly enough  the moral lesson of the movie is not self - contradicted  a habit disney movies have gotten into . " beauty and the beast " ', s beautiful belle  for instance  learned that beauty was derived from a person ', s inside  and was then rewarded by having the beast turn into a handsome prince in snazzy clothing . kiki  on the other hand  learns to separate her wardrobe from her self - image  and nothing more is made of her early desires for better clothing than illustrating her increased maturity at the end of the film . another difference with disney movies is in the style of animation for " kiki ', s delivery service " : not as colorful and dynamic as disney animation can be  but with a greater attention to realism and detail  it fits the movie to a t . this is particularly true with scenes of kiki ', s flights . the extreme realism of the birds in flight near kiki is magnificent to behold  and helps these scenes capture the wonder of flight better than any other film i ', ve ever seen . i ', m not sure when or how this movie will be released in the united states . disney tentatively plans a theater release of " monoko hime " shortly following the summer ', 97 japanese release  and should start releasing the other ghibli films after that . i ', d guess that some will be released on video and some will be theatrically released in peak seasons with no competing disney release . although the wait is unfortunate  it ', s good to know that it ', s being released at all  for " kiki ', s delivery service " is definitely a movie worthy of widespread promotion and release . watch this movie . along with " man bites dog  " and perhaps something by woody allen  this is the best movie i ', ve ever seen .
pos insane ( but inspired ) musical about alferd packer  the first man ever tried for cannibalism in america . as the story unfolds we learn what events led to packer ( trey parker ) supposedly killing and eating the five men who got lost while accompanying him through the mountains of colorado in search of gold . throughout  packer must contend with evil trappers bent on stealing his prized horse  a tribe of ` ute ', indians that doesn ', t seem quite on the mark  and a terrible winter storm that leads to the eventual cannibalism . parker obviously knows his musicals very well  because the viewer is also treated to some of the most maddeningly catchy songs to appear in a film ( he would accomplish this again in his post - cannibal ! musical motion picture  south park : bigger  longer  and uncut ) . apart from the inherent interest of seeing a pre - " south park " parker and stone in their first effort  cannibal ! also offers up some pretty decent laughs . the aforementioned ` ute ', indian tribe that packer ', s group encounters is a definite highlight  as are two rousing musical numbers about snowmen ( one of which ends on a comedically deadly note ) . stone ', s humphrey character steals the show  especially when complaining about the prospect of having to ` eat butt ', or revealing what ', s underneath his muff cap . jason mchugh ', s character of mr . miller is the stand out performance though  as he offers a hilarious dissenting voice to the proceedings . as i mentioned before  parker ', s songs are very catchy . you ', ll be hard pressed to get ` it ', s a shpadoinkle day ', out of your head once you ', ve heard it ( incidentally  the braniff logo that appears at the end of every " south park " episode is scored with a few notes from this song ) . other songs you ', ll find yourself humming include ` when i was on top of you ', ( a love ballad )  ` the trapper ', s song ', ( the villains leit motif )  and ` hang the bastard ', ( the rousing finale ) . thankfully  none of these songs are quite as embarrassing to find yourself singing in public as south park : bigger  longer & uncut ', s songs are . released as a pick - up through troma studios  the film is available on videocassette and dvd . the videocassette includes an intro by the beautiful jane jensen and an interview segment with lloyd kaufman  discussing his admiration for parker and stone and the fact that they had been hired for a zucker brothers film ( which turned out to be the hilarious baseketball ) . there are also multiple trailers for upcoming troma films . as for the dvd . . . well  that ', s a different story . probably one of the best dvd packages of the year ( and potentially of all time )  cannibal ! the musical ! the dvd is a massive achievement . presented in 1 . 33 : 1 ( full frame ) only  the disc has the usual troma inclusions : the tour of troma  the troma intelligence test 2  trailers for upcoming releases  but where the disc truly shines is in its cannibal ! specific extras . the first thing i must note is  the transfer is about as beautiful as any i ', ve ever seen on any disc . the picture is crisp  clear  and free from any noticeable artifacts . add to that one of the funniest commentary tracks i have ever heard  featuring trey parker  matt stone  jason mchugh  dian bachar  and andy kemler getting drunker and drunker as the track continues and you still haven ', t scratched the surface of the extras . there ', s also behind the scenes footage of the shooting of the film  a clip with trey  matt  and lemmy ( of the band motorhead ) from the film terror firmer  an index for easy location of all of the songs in the film  and finally  an index of all the songs as performed by the cast of a stage production of cannibal ! . it ', s good to see this film finally get the treatment it deserves . kudos to the entire production staff at troma and aix for making one of the most entertaining dvds i have seen in a very long time .
pos allen  star of many a brian depalma movie in the early eighties  has a brief  throwaway part towards the end of " out of sight  " as the maid of a crooked financier . in keeping with her past performances  allen wears little more than a green velvet victoria ', s secret ensemble which begs the question  did they really need a costume designer for this ? " out of sight " is not likely to secure ms . allen the kind of plaudits bestowed upon pam grier  who likewise returned from out of obscurity to appear in another recent elmore leonard adaptation  " jackie brown  " but it is intriguing to see her name kicking off the " also starring " credits given her limited screen time . the real stars of " out of sight " are george clooney ( " batman & robin " by way of " e . r . " ) and jennifer lopez ( " selena " )  whose winning chemistry  coupled with steven soderbergh ', s freeze - frame directorial technique  help the film retain the charismatic charm of leonard ', s original work . with the success of " get shorty " three years ago  filmmakers have realized that adapting an elmore leonard novel can be an easier proposition than trying to dream up a storyline from scratch . in " out of sight  " clooney stars as jack foley  a career criminal who specializes in unarmed robbery -- he just waltzes into banks and politely makes a withdrawal  claiming that his " partner " ( just another customer it so happens ) will shoot the manager if the teller doesn ', t comply . for all of jack ', s nice - guy charm though  he ', s not very lucky . his latest scam lands him in florida ', s glades correctional facility . federal marshal karen sisco ( lopez ) coincidentally arrives at the prison just as jack and his buddy ( ving rhames  typically appealing ) are breaking out . there ', s a brief struggle and jack bundles himself and karen into the trunk of the getaway car . it ', s in these cramped confines  pressed intimately together  that jack and karen start falling for one another . the mutual attraction continues as the couple on opposite sides of the law slip in and out of one another ', s grasp . karen follows jack to detroit  where he ', s about to pull off another heist  this time a cache of uncut diamonds from incarcerated businessman richard ripley ( played by a toupee - sporting albert brooks  almost unrecognizable in the prison scenes ) . it ', s during this final caper - gone - awry that allen makes her scant appearance . clooney ', s range as an actor is limited  but he has undeniable charm . lopez  too  is easy on the eyes  but she demonstrates more depth in her portrayal of karen  a tough yet tender professional . she dispenses with hit men as easily as she out - maneuvers sleazy pick - up artists in a bar . especially cute is a sequence in which karen fantasizes about jack in a motel bathtub . admirably supporting clooney and lopez are don cheadle as fellow felon maurice ', snoopy ', miller  steve zahn as the perennially stoned glenn michaels  and dennis farina as karen ', s dad  who affectionately buys her a piece . add a couple of uncredited cameos from " jackie brown " cast members and " out of sight " proves to be a lot of fun . not as hip and clever as " shorty  " perhaps  or as complex and colorful as " brown  " but loads of fun nonetheless .
pos synopsis : in phantom menace the galaxy is divided into power groups whose interests will inevitably collide in later sequels . there is an overarching galactic united nations - type organization called the senate presided by a weak chancellor . within the senate two camps are at odds : a bickering  isolationist alliance called the republic and their aggressive rival the trade federation . preserving law and order are a council of jedi knights who are meanwhile searching for a prophesied chosen one of virgin birth . manipulating events behind the scenes is a dangerous  reemerging clan called the dark lords of sith  so shadowy and secretive that they comprise a " phantom " menace . jedi knight qui - gon jinn ( liam neeson ) and his apprentice obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor ) witness an invasion of teenage queen amidala ', s home planet naboo and befriend a gungan named jar jar ( ahmed best ) . on the desert planet of tatooine the two jedi  jar jar  and amidala ( natalie portman ) attend a lengthy drag race involving the young boy anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd ) . the five protagonists try to solicit help for freeing naboo by visiting the city planet of coruscant where a lot of debate and political maneuvering takes place . can they free amidala ', s helpless planet ? opinion : on tv last night i watched young  wannabe celebs pay $ 400 a ticket and come running out of theaters to bask in front of news cameras  gushing with testimonials of the phantom menace ', s greatness in exchange for a few seconds of being on national television . given this kind of media mania i wondered if phantom menace  the most anticipated movie of 1999  could possibly live up to the extraordinary hype that preceded it . does phantom menace match the exaggerated hype ? director george lucas answers  " it ', s only a movie . " to me  any movie with russian - sounding accents for bad guys  jamaican accents for good guys  and middle eastern - sounding accents for seedy gamblers accents can be expected to be more tongue in cheek than profound . visually  star wars : episode i -- the phantom menace ( 1999 ) is a kid show where parents can take their young ones to marvel at child - friendly cgi characters and wondrous backdrops even if the character dialogue ( mostly geopolitics ) is beyond the level of children . it is left to parents to patiently explain the conversation : droid origins  family lineage  the definitions of terms like blockade  appeasement  federation  alliance  symbiosis  satellite - controlled robots et cetera . at least this much is clear : there ', s plenty of eye candy  and in the last few minutes it ', s good guys and joe camel lookalikes versus a caped  horned red devil character and his mechanical hordes . weaknesses : weaknesses lie in the writing and in the performance . at first it seems like the film is to be an invasion story  but then phantom takes an hour - long detour to cover one chariot race before returning to the invasion theme . this dilutes the central story . additionally  smaller scenes seem written self consciously  as if they were added more to fill us in on extraneous background information for other movies rather than form an integral part of the present movie . veteran actors liam neeson and ewan mcgregor noticeably outperform the other acting leads . better ensemble chemistry between the five leads and background information that is central to a tight story line could have made have given phantom stronger performances and storytelling punch . strengths : on the bright side phantom menace as a big - budget production is far ahead of the competition in terms of making whimsical creatures  worlds and vehicles appear real . the film boasts sophisticated  top - of - the - line visuals and quality exotic costumes  a musical score entertaining enough to stand alone  and three worthwhile sequences in the second half . bottom line ? seeing the film is entertaining and informative  like a visual theme park with star wars filler information serving as dialogue between impressive money shots . we are bound to be completely inundated by star wars publicity  music and tie - ins for the next few months .
pos at one point during brian de palma ', s crime epic scarface  the radiant michelle pfeiffer turns to a ranting al pacino and pops a question that the audience has no doubt been wanting to ask for themselves : " can ', t you stop saying ', fuck ', all the time ? " fucking good question  that . it may not be an honour that instills the filmmakers with pride  but as far as i can tell oliver stone ', s script contains the said expletitive more times than any other film in cinema history . yet it would be a shame if bad language is all de palma ', s scarface is remembered for  because this is a damn fine gangstar flick . the overall structure is similar to howard hawks ', 1932 original  but this time the scene has switched to miami  florida and our anti - hero ', s chosen vice is cocaine traffiking . pacino  sporting a thick cuban accent  gives one the best performances of his career ( golden globe nominated ) as tony montana  a cuban refugee with a criminal past who flees castro and comes to america to live the american dream . and live it out he does  with lashings of violence  abuse  murder and the funny white powder . from his earliest jobs as a drug runner for various middlemen  tony montana makes it clear to everyone he meets that he ', s not a man to be fucked ( sorry ) . soon he ', s the king of the cocaine heap  but his hot head and an increasingly out of control drug addiction prove his undoing . " never do your own stash "  warns one character early in the film . as sure as night follows day  the emperor of miami eventually falls . writer oliver stone and director brian de palma make an explosive combination here . stone ', s script offers solid storytelling and some fine character development . montana is fascinating ; uneducated but calculating  a straight shooter who speaks from the heart ; an ambitious  violent man yet one with a conscience . a man fiercely protective of his beautiful 20 year old sister  not wanting her to be sucked into the glitzy  dangerous world which he inhabits . pacino is dynamite  taking to the role with a brooding  bristling energy which in his more recent films has often degenerated into just simple overracting . pfeiffer also registers strongly as the gangstar mole with no inner life . only once does tony express real affection for her and his desire to have children  and even then you sense all he really wants is a regular screw and a beautiful object to show off to his friends  and she ', s happy to oblige . this isn ', t as meaty a role for pfieffer as sharon stone ', s was in casino  but its an effective one nonetheless and she aquits herself well . as director  de palma sets up a number of dramatic scenes with his typical stylistic brauva . the escalating tension he creates in various mob situations - a drug deal gone wrong  an assination attempt - is often thrilling  and in this respect he is every bit the equal of scorese and coppola . where he differs from  say  coppola ', s godfather trilogy is in his overall treatment . coppola gives his crime sagas an operatic sweep  whereas in scarface de palma opts for a grittier feel . and it perfectly suits the material . the only major botch is giorgio moroder ', s mostly crap synthesier score . it ', s just not right  and unfortunately compromises the impact of some otherwise good scenes . as expected  scarface is very violent at times  but you shouldn ', t be watching gangster movies if that upsets you . at over two and a half hours in length it ', s a true epic  and if you ', re a fan of the genre you ', ll love f * * k - filled minute of it .
pos for any groom on the verge of proposing marriage to his girlfriend  there are certain rules that he needs to follow . firstly  fill her life with happiness and romance during the courtship . secondly  buy her a beautiful ring that glitters as brightly as her eyes . thirdly  find the perfect moment and location to propose . finally  the groom - wannabe should probably get her parent ', s blessing . of these four  the last one can be a nightmare . meeting parents is a rite of passage  fraught with unexpected questions  bouts of nervousness  the reality of being disliked  and the inability to make a positive impression . if you ', re lucky  things will go smoothly . but  if you ', re greg focker ( ben stiller )  everything will go wrong . and with a name like that  how could it not ? when greg first meets his fianc ? e ', s father  jack byrnes ( the grimacing robert deniro )  greg immediately feels overwhelmed and is put on the defensive . when he tells jack that he ', s a male nurse  the incorrigible dad shoots back  " not many men in your profession  huh  greg ? " it ', s definitely not a good start . but greg is determined to win him over  and it ', s this desire that fuels the movie . he first takes small steps such as agreeing to say grace before dinner . it doesn ', t matter that he ', s jewish . if daddy byrnes asks him to say grace  then that ', s what he ', s going to gamely do . " oh god . . . you ', re such a good god "  he moons . his discomfort at trying to force out a simple prayer will make you chuckle  but when jack gives him the " deniro squint " ( that familiar  unsettling gaze that gives deniro that aura of invincibility )  it ', s pretty hard not to grin . things get progressively worse for greg . and that ', s too bad because he ', s a genuinely likable guy with a romantic heart . eventually  he begins to try so hard that he starts to mess everything up  committing a host of gaffes that embarrass  humiliate or injure other people . it ', s a never - ending ordeal of missteps  miscues  and mistakes . he buys some champagne  but uncorking the bottle leads to disastrous circumstances . he tries to find jack ', s missing cat . but his method of solving the problem leads only to more trouble . and there are several other episodes  each one trumping the next in outrageousness . the more our well - meaning beau screwed up  the more the audience groaned in sympathy . we liked greg . and  we liked this movie . " meet the parents " is a farcical comedy that certainly has its moments . just sit back and watch greg get into trouble . no matter what the situation  whether its playing a harmless game of water volleyball or sneaking a smoke on the roof of the house  things will horribly go wrong . we laugh at greg ', s expense  but love often makes a person do dumb things  and ben stiller has the knack of playing the romantic fool . deniro is also affable  tough on the outside yet sentimental on the inside . their tug - of - war is often funny  the slapstick is elaborate  and there are several topical throwaway gags ( mostly targeted at the airline industry ) to make this film an amusing yet smart lampoon about future in - laws from hell .
pos i like movies with albert brooks  and i really like movies directed and written by albert brooks . lost in america and defending your life are two of my favorite comedies . his humor is of a kind that is not very prevalent in movies today  inundated as we are with films which revel in their aim toward the lowest common denominator . you will rarely see any slapstick in an albert brooks film  while the dialog will not be as oppressive as in some of the independent " talk films " which are finding their way into theaters . the situations in which his characters find themselves are ones we can often identify with  but even if we can ', t  brooks has the talent to make them comfortable  and therefore we laugh . teenagers and jim carrey fans probably won ', t find an albert brooks movie very funny  but people who look for more than what we could find on television probably will . put simply  brooks ', comedy is intelligent . mother is albert brooks ', latest film  and it does not disappoint . brooks plays john henderson  a middle - aged science fiction writer just coming off his second divorce . he makes an attempt at dating  but fails miserably . he then has dinner with his brother jeff ( rob morrow )  a successful sports agent who seems to live the ideal life . jeff has a good job  a loving family  and most of all  a warm relationship with their mother beatrice ( debbie reynolds ) . after dinner  john witnesses a telephone conversation between jeff and beatrice  and is at the same time amazed and sickened by how hunky - dory the dialog is . in comparison  beatrice always hints at a fault in john and his career every time she talks with him  and john gives it right back to her . at the end of one of their conversations where beatrice has just picked apart john ', s life  she says  " i love you  " and john replies with  " i know you think you do . " the thing is  beatrice is not overt with her criticisms  but instead gives them in that mothering way which is tantamount to nit - picking and guilt loading . it ', s the kind that goes something like  " yes  dear  i think you do that wonderfully  but . . . . " it seems as though nothing he does makes her happy . there ', s always the big but . john believes that his mother is somehow connected to his failed relationships with women  either because of his flawed self - esteem caused by his need for validation  or perhaps because he tends to unconsciously seek out women who remind him of his mother in an oedipal manner . he comes to the conclusion that since his problems are rooted in his boyhood home  he should move back in with his mother for a while just to see what kinds of feelings come out  and by that be able to sort out why his life is the way it is . " a great experiment "  he calls it . brooks ', own brand of humor really shines in this film  especially in the interaction john has with his mother . there ', s a scene where john has just arrived at his mother ', s house  and after having driven from los angeles to sausalito  and having explained to his mother about the " great experiment "  beatrice asks  " now explain to me again why you don ', t want to stay at a hotel . " she still doesn ', t get it  and it is absolutely hilarious . in the same scene  we get little glances at the life his mother leads when she tries to feed him food that is no longer fresh . she apparently buys in great quantities and refrigerates it until the lettuce is wilted and the sherbet is iced over . when john points out the ice on the sherbet  beatrice tells him not to worry about the protective glaze . " you ', ve named the ice ? " asks john . he ', s also surprised at the variety of items beatrice keeps in the refrigerator  such as a twenty - pound block of cheese . " the freezer was a good invention  " says john  " but it ', s not supposed to be used for everything . that ', s why it ', s smaller than the refrigerator . " it ', s something most of us find strangely familiar . brooks is also a master at employing the non sequitur . for example  in defending your life  his and meryl streep ', s characters are in a comedy club having a discussion . when they ', re finished and walk out  brooks cuts to the comic on stage who is just at the point of delivering his punch line  " and so the moral is  if you have to fart  go outside ! " you don ', t know what the joke was because you couldn ', t hear him during the entire scene  but i must have laughed for the next five minutes  it seemed so out of context . in this film  brooks uses the same trick a couple of times to open or close a scene . i don ', t want to give them away  but suffice it to say they work just as well as they have in the past . john ', s purpose for staying with his mother is to learn  and we as the audience learn right along with him . his mother is not the fascinating type to begin with  but as john spends more time with her  we learn things about her personality and her lifestyle that give her depth . watching the character of beatrice unfold is every bit as enjoyable as the humor that accompanies it each step of the way . on screen  brooks does an excellent job playing this kind of character : you get the feeling he often believes he is the only sane person in an insane world . in a way  he ', s very much like yosarian of catch - 22  expect with something of an attitude . casting debbie reynolds as beatrice is perfect . she assumes the part with ease  even moving and speaking a little slowly  and is just so adorable it ', s hard to get mad at her character . this only helps the audience to share the frustration john feels when dealing with her . as his first choice  brooks originally wanted to lure nancy reagan out from her acting retirement to play beatrice  but the former actress and first lady could not leave her husband  who was beginning to show symptoms of alzheimer ', s disease . that may be just as well  since reynolds lends a softness to the character which enhances it immensely . rob morrow also does a good job at playing the younger brother who has always been mother ', s favorite and  for all his success in his job and family  is slowly exposed as a mama ', s boy . the only things that hold this movie back from being better are a couple of plot holes . a solid connection is not really made between john ', s troubles and his reasons for living with his mother . additionally  the end results of the experiment do not necessarily jibe with the stated goals  and although this may have been sloppy screenwriting  how can you be mad at the guy who also wrote this ? : beatrice : you must think i ', m some kind of moron . john : no  i think your someone who thinks i ', m a moron . beatrice : well  it takes one to know one .
pos ( note : there are spoilers regarding the film ', s climax ; the election  of course ) we see matthew broderick  a man torn to a primal state ; he ', s been unfaithful to his wife  lied to and manipulated his students  and by the same token they ', ve demeaned his masculinity  his self - respect  his desperate attempt at changing the world . and yet  he equates the cause of his pain  his torment  with tracy flick ( reese witherspoon ) . no matter how many students have come and gone  and disappointed him as an educator  she ', s the real threat . about to give in  and divulge that she ', s won by only a lone vote  broderick ', s mccalister turns in defeat  sees tracy ', s euphoric celebration in the outside corridor and says  ', no ', . the fact that he simultaneously lusts after her ideologically further illustrates that freudian foundation of entitlement which all men  no matter how obscure  have in their relationships ; a traditional expectation of success  to usurp and surpass women as a proverbial industry . she can ', t go higher than him . he won ', t allow it . and what ', s amazing about " election " is that every word of that criticism is drawn from a rather opaque metaphor . early in the film we learn that tracy was romantically  and then sexually  involved with a now departed teacher . it ', s like payne and taylor  his co - screenwriter  have taken tracy  a girl desperate for friendship  loyalty  and almost perversely drawn the mythological pattern of kids who were so utterly rejected by their peers  that they found sitting at the teachers ', lunch table more fitting  to an unlikely extreme with her as the protagonist . and it ', s amazing the compassion that we have ; it seems so real to us  and not merely because it ', s happened before  splashed all over the front pages  but  because of the all around " nice " persona of these people  we easily dismiss the truly wayward deeds of the characters . it ', s with mandy barnett ', s " if you ', ll be the teacher " playing winsomely over the closing credits that payne skewers the tenets of his detractors most ; a final  viscous injection of bittersweet irony . sexuality  though  is not the only basis for payne ', s satire  or its success . it also makes a telling point about politics  friendship  and class boundaries . satire is required ( or ought to be  anyway ) to take itself seriously  or act so  while the audience does not . it ', s a fine line to straddle  but some films ignore it altogether ( " drop dead gorgeous " leaps infuriatingly to mind ) . payne and taylor hit the right chord ; their characters are real people : neither is perfect  but rather both of the leads are flawed  misguided individuals who retain  somewhat  noble intentions at heart . we sympathize with them  but still  as a satire  their idiosyncratic behavior  and their wrongdoing  is taken to an extreme for the audience to knowingly chuckle  but also reflect and meditate  about . minus half a point  though  for payne admitting not to having seen " ferris bueller ', s day off " . whatever .
pos martin scorsese ', s films used to intimidate me . because of his reputation  i felt obligated to appreciate them as deep film art rather than as great flicks . as much as i enjoyed them  i usually felt like i missed something . i learned from scorsese ', s casino that whatever techniques he uses are merely there to enhance the story . no mystical interpretation is required to appreciate his movies . for example  in casino he uses subtitles when robert deniro and joe pesci are using code words with each other . there was no meaning more exotic than that subtitles were the most succinct way for him to tell the audience what was really going on . or toward the end  when he uses three quick dissolves to compress a scene of a car backing away from a building . again  the simple  mundane explanation is that it helped the pacing . i don ', t mean to say that his techniques are not creative or good - looking . but he simply uses the best tool for the job . it shouldn ', t have surprised me  then  that kundun  a film about a mystical religion  actually turned out to be quite straightforward . the movie follows the life of the 14th dalai lama  the spiritual and political leader of tibet . the movie ', s title is another name for the dalai lama which means " ocean of wisdom . " his story is told in strict chronological order and there are only a few cinematic visions to embellish the literal story . ( one of which makes an interesting statement : pay attention to the film ', s opening shot and watch where it is repeated . ) we first glimpse the dalai lama when he is two years old . his curiosity and self - assuredness capture the attention of a monk wandering in search of the new lama . a test is arranged to see if this boy really is the reincarnation of the 13 dalai lamas who have gone before . several items belonging to the previous dalai lama are laid before the boy alongside some other items . the child is asked if he recognizes any of the items as his own . the boy picks correctly  proving that he is the new  and the old  dalai lama . scorsese and long - time editor thelma schoonmaker were kind enough to allow the possibility that the child was taking his cues from the monk . before selecting an item  he would look at the monk  perhaps for some sort of confirmation . sometimes he picked right the first time  and sometimes he made a second choice . either way  whether through reincarnation or quick human perception  the tibetans were assured of choosing a boy who could be a wise  perceptive leader . > from this point on  the boy is raised as the reincarnation of the lama ', s spirit and the future leader of a nation . it is a great weight to put on the mind of a child . in the u . s . it might be grounds for a call to social services . but the young lama accepts his destiny without any apparent emotional damage . neither the great power nor the awesome responsibility keeps him from becoming a genuinely likeable  well - rounded person . certain patterns take shape over the years . for example  the dalai lama is fascinated by technology . radios  clocks  and telescopes are some of his favorite toys . when he is old enough to accept his leadership  he makes plans to modernize isolated tibet . he also has a soft spot for creatures who are suffering or in pain  including herd animals . it ', s nearly a running gag that he will buy sheep to keep them from being herded to slaughter . but the most ominous constant throughout his life is the presence and threat of tibet ', s gigantic neighbor  china . tibet and its leaders prove correct in fearing china  as  first the propaganda  then the political pressure  and finally the armies  come across their common border . the chinese invasion is so successful that the lama ', s life is in danger if he stays . the movie ends when  after much agonizing  the dalai lama leaves tibet for india . the story doesn ', t lead up to a cinematic climax as strongly as most feature films do . it just doesn ', t fit that mold . if it were forced into such a shape it would have been a completely different movie ( perhaps more like seven years in tibet  which is good in its own right ) . the pacing of kundun is more calm and level than that . the structure of the film is made to fit the characters and events  not vice - versa . perhaps because the pace is slower  we have more time to notice the beautiful art  vestments  and architecture of tibet . a mandala  ( tibetan sand painting ) with beautiful  vibrant colors is shown throughout the movie . the robes and hats of state are bright red and gold . the bricks are a rich reddish brown  not unlike the skin tone of the tibetans . even the touchstone pictures logo before the movie ( which is usually light blue ) is the red and gold of tibet . philip glass composed the music for kundun  and he was the perfect choice . for those who don ', t know of glass  his music is like a tibetan mandala . his building blocks are lots of small notes  tiny grains of music  which are first grouped  then repeated in patterns . these patterns create interesting textures which are themselves part of a larger composition . people won ', t be flocking to kundun for it ', s great ending  or talking about its outstanding plot  but it does have a lot to offer : an interesting lifetime  exotic sights  rich cinematography  and innovative music . it gives interesting insight into tibetan buddhism and takes a warm look at the dalai lama as a person . on top of it all is the cinematic mastery of martin scorsese  who gives the film a strong  beautiful  consistent look .
pos robert redford ', s a river runs through it is not a film i watch often . it is a masterpiece -- one of the better films of recent years . until 1994  it was my second favorite film of all time . the acting and direction is top - notch -- never sappy  always touching . a friend of mine once reported that he avoided it because " i was afraid it would just be really politically correct  and tick me off . " all i could do was tell him to go in unbiased  and enjoy . it is one of the few movies that has completely reduced me to tears . but certain memories should not often be rereleased -- in the last few shots  you have to cry . upon my first viewing i left bawling . it is not flawless -- but it is so very good  that you can ', t help but be effected . the opening is dangerously nolstalgic and sentimental -- watching these shots of people who have been dead so long  gives you a feeling of perspective and history observation that you will find in very few other films . martin scorsese once described the movies as a dream state -- like taking dope  and immersing yourself in an alternative world . that is what a river runs through it does . it exploits the unique power of cinema to engross you and help to forget your real self . both times i ', ve seen it  its been hard ( again to quote scorsese ) waking up . but the dream is lovely .
pos richard gere is not one of my favorite actors . however  i like courtroom dramas  and this film looked good enough to take a chance on . i wasn ', t disappointed . it wasn ', t a great film  but it was interesting  and took several unexpected turns . one thing : what ', s with the title ? not only is it extremely forgettable  it doesn ', t really have much to do with the film  as far as i could determine . in the long run  it will probably hurt the film  as people won ', t be able to think of or remember it . martin vail ( richard gere ) is a grandiose defense attorney . he loves the money and the fame that go along with defending ( successfully ) rich scum  such as mafia men and drug - dealers . once he sees that the accused killer of a prominent chicago archbishop is a baby - faced alter boy  he wants in on the case  presumably for the press he ', ll get . we soon find out that the prosecutor assigned is a former lover  janet venable ( laura linney ) . vail himself is a former prosecutor  and quit because of tensions between himself and the district attorney  played very well by john mahoney ( frasier ', s father on the tv series ) . there is an underlying theme of dichotomy in the movie : people have public faces  and private faces . we see this in the murdered archbishop  in the accused  and  most strongly  defense attorney martin vail . richard gere does a fairly good job . at first  he appears to be a money - and attention - grabbing lawyer  with no consideration of the truth . but we see another side  as he becomes a seeker of justice  and comes to believe in his client . alfre woodard  as the judge  is capable  though somewhat wasted in a standard role . laura linney also does journeyman work ; nothing spectacular  but acceptable . her relationship with vail is believable ; their verbal fencing adds to the film . the actor who playes vail ', s investigator ( unfortunately  i don ', t remember his name ) is quite good . his female assistant ( she looked very familiar  but i can ', t remember where i ', ve seen her ) was also capable  but unspectacular . the best performance in the film was by edward norton . he was excellent  as the timid altar - boy turned alleged " butcher boy of st . mike ', s " . i was impressed by the depth of the plot ; there are red - herrings  and dead - ends  that in a lesser film would lead to a predictable ending . i liked the plot twists the film took  and most of the supporting characters  thus i give primal fear a respectable b + rating .
pos " when you get out of jail  you can kill him . " starring ashley judd  tommy lee jones  bruce greenwood . rated r . double jeopardy is a lurid  prepostrous thriller that ', s also one of the year ', s most enjoyable . it ', s an uncompromisingly brutal  cheerfully anarchic  hyperactive actioner that has a mission and never diverts from it . there is not a moment here when the events on screen don ', t have a direct bearing on the plot ; once the film gets going it never stops . it has been branded as the female version of the fugitive and that ', s probably a correct assessment of the plot  but the film itself has little in common with the 1993 andrew davis / harrison ford collaboration besides the presence of star tommy lee jones . not even bothering with character introduction  director bruce beresford floors the gas pedal from the get - go and never finds the brake . we meet  rather hastily  libby and nick parsons ( ashley judd and bruce greenwood  respectively ) a seemingly happy married couple  with a son matty  age 4 . they go out on a sailboat one night  and after a period of some rockin ', sex  they go to sleep . libby hears a strange noise  wakes up and discovers that she is covered with blood . she follows a red trail to the upper deck  where she finds a knife and  out of astonishment  picks it up . at that convenient moment  the coast guard shows up and libby is arrested . her lawyer  a friend  puts up a defense in court  but though we know she is innocent  the evidence against her is too compelling . her friend adopts her son and she goes to prison . once in prison  she makes a phone call to her friend . her friend gives her son the phone . nick walks in the room . little matty screams " daddy ! " the phone goes dead . libby realizes that the man she is imprisoned for killing isn ', t even dead . she gets some advice from a prisoner / former lawyer  who tells her that since the state already convicted her of killing her husband  they can ', t convict her of the same crime again  meaning that when she gets paroled she can kill him and they can ', t touch her . after a weirdly short amount of time  she gets out of parole . she is sent to live at a house with other recent parolees  under the command of parole officer travis lehman ( tommy lee jones ) . she sets out on a mission to find her husband and get her son back  which turns out to be much more difficult than anticipated . she winds up tracking him all the way to new orleans where she finds out that he has long killed his girlfriend and her son ', s " adopter " . double jeopardy is based on an assumption that is legally false . the law stating that nobody can be convicted twice for the same crime assumes that it is the same crime : same time  same place  same circumstances . it ', s not like it matters . this is a rollickingly good thriller ; intense  exciting  fast and furious . it ', s silly alright  but this is the kind of film you just don ', t question . in some films  plausibility is everything . double jeopardy  however  is not concerned with making sense : its sole purpose is to entertain  and it does . judd helps the film tremendously in a difficult role . this is her breakout box - office performance  and she is terrific . she brings some emotion to what could have been a one - dimensional role  giving the movie a little soul to go along with its effective chase scenes and action set pieces . tommy lee jones basically just reprises the role for which he won an oscar in the fugitive  but the movie makes good use of his stone - faced wit . thankfully  too  double jeopardy refrains from developing a romance between libby and travis ; a subplot which doubtlessly would have interfered with the film ', s story . this is one of those movies where cops are the bad guys  and i took a sort of sick pleasure in that . the sheer anarchy of the proceedings was nothing short of wonderful  as ashley judd kicks the crap out of every authority figure in the book . after all the idealistic hollywood features featuring hero cops  deft fbi agents and the virtues of the american legal system  it ', s great to see a movie that doesn ', t so much demonstrate their fallacy as it delights in their failure . double jeopardy is really good  but it isn ', t the kind of good that is remembered or recognized with awards . it ', s one of those movies better viewed with the brain turned off  otherwise  your brain will be busy ruining your experience . this is a thriller that isn ', t concerned with being smart or plausible . instead it diverts all attention to the action  which  this year  is second to none .
pos let ', s say you live at the end of an airport runway . large jetliners continuously pass over your house  rattling your windows and allowing few moments of peace . let ', s say the ground beneath your feet is also contaminated with toxic substances  and high voltage power lines run across steel towers only yards from your home . now let ', s say an airport conglomerate wants to buy your property in order to lengthen the runway  and offers you more than it ', s worth . wouldn ', t you jump in the air and have your bags packed before you landed ? of course you would . but what if this bit of land was your idea of paradise  and the house your castle ? that ', s what they are to darryl kerrigan ( michael caton )  and although he ', s happy that a multi - national corporation would like to buy his home  sorry  it ', s not for sale . unfortunately  the corporation wields quite a bit of influence over the australian government  which serves darryl and his family with what amounts to an eviction notice . not about to take this lying down  darryl enlists the help of his inept attorney friend dennis denuto ( tiriel mora ) and makes a determined  albeit pathetic  attempt to fight back . the castle  an australian comedy by rob sitch  is perhaps one of the simplest movies i ', ve seen in recent memory  yet also one of the funniest . in fact  it is this film ', s reliance on simplicity which makes it so successful . the good guys and the bad guys are clear  the humor is straightforward  and the storyline is as uncomplicated as it gets . it ', s the perfect setup for a relaxing  hilarious good time  and as much as i hate to admit it  i liked the fact that i didn ', t have to think all that much while watching this film . i just sat back and enjoyed myself . the situation is one we ', ve seen before : regular joe fights back against the government  or big business  or whatever . what makes this film different is its characters . darryl thinks he ', s got the best life in the world - he tells his family that living next to power lines is a constant reminder of the success of mankind  he asks who would ever want to go out and eat in a fancy restaurant when he ', s got the meat loaf feast prepared by his wife sal ( anne tenny )  and he swells with pride when his son dale ( stephen curry ) digs a hole in the yard . steve kerrigan ( anthony simcoe ) constantly combs the buy and sell ads looking for " investments " like jousting sticks and overhead projectors  while wayne kerrigan is in jail  as a result of dennis denuto ', s incompetent courtroom maneuvers . the great thing about the kerrigans is that they aren ', t so stupid that they get annoying . they ', re just a group of simpletons whose naive nature is perfectly harmless and even endearing . we look upon them with a little bit of pity  but a whole lot of affection . screenwriters sitch  santo cilauro  tom gleisner  and jane kennedy pit this lovable bunch of unlikely crusaders against a stoic court system and a condescending business conglomerate  further polarizing the extremes and deepening our feelings for the kerrigans . sympathy for their situation  the laughter they bring us  and the family ', s wonderful characterization  simple as it may be  leaves us with a degree of emotional investment that causes us to actually care about what happens to them . i suppose one might wonder how deep characterization can go when your characters are as inane as the kerrigans  but trust me  it works . i particularly noted that the writers did not have to use slapstick in order to get laughs . don ', t get me wrong - slapstick  when executed well  can be genius . it ', s just that too often  a film will resort to it ', s use as a shortcut to amusing the audience  not always successfully . instead  the jokes in the castle are all hinged upon the dialog uttered by these people who have no idea that they are totally skewed to the rest of the world . when they are by themselves  the are funny  and when they are with normal people  they are hilarious . one of the few problems i saw with this film was a detour taken about midway though . the kerrigans go out to a vacation spot for seemingly no reason other than to pack in a few more jokes and increase the film ', s running time . luckily  it ', s a funny little detour that  while slightly distracting from the film ', s main drive  is still quite enjoyable . with all the levity abound in the castle  the film still manages to take on a pretty heavy concept  that of the innate right of a citizen to keep his property  an issue which has been bandied about in courts across the civilized world with differing outcomes . i ', m not certain the courtroom monologue near the end of the film would actually hold up in real life  but it brings to the forefront the essence of the constitution ( of australia ) and certainly sounds impressive at any rate . and  for that matter  it ', s more than i would have expected out of a light hearted film like this .
pos in this good natured  pleasent and easy going comedy  bill murray ( ghostbusters  1984 ) plays grumpy weatherman phil conners  who  every year  is sent to punxsutawney  p . a  to report on groundhog day . the groundhog day ceremony involves a groundhog being lifted out of a box  and if he dosen ', t see a shadow  it will be an early spring . phil really hates the ceremony  and not even his producer rita ( macdowell ) can change his mind . however  fate has a cruel trick for phil  and he starts re - living groundhog day over  and over  and over  until he gradually likes it  and rita falls in love with him . groundhog day is a well written  totatly unoffensive and funny comedy . the screenwriters  director ramis and danny rubin  have written a funny  warm  but never overly senitmental comedy . although the idea of a day repeating over and over may sound tedious  there are enough good jokes to hold the audiences attention throughout the whole film . ramis ', s direction also helps  and although he dosen ', t try any flash director tricks  the film is directed well enough  and the jokes are set up well . and the editing is also good  especially when it shows one part of the day over  and over again  such as when phil tries to have the perfect night with rita . the performances are also excellent . bill murray is great fun  and his transistion from cynical to happy is smooth  and delivers his lines in his usual smary style . andie macdowell is good as rita  although sometimes she is just a little bit too sweet in some parts of the film . there is chemistry between the two leads  thankfully  otherwise the whole film would probably fall part . chris elliot  as the cameraman larry  is also funny  although you have to like his goofy style  otherwise you are really going to hate him throughout this film  and it will lower your enjoyment of the film overall . the supporting cast aren ', t bad either  with stephen tobolowsky hillarous as phils old school mate ned ryanson  and even director ramis popping up as a neurologist . in fact  there is not one dud performance in this film  and even the groundhog gets a funny scene involving a car chase . overall  there is really nothing wrong with groundhog day at all . it almost seems perfect . however  the film can get a bit soppy sometimes  and some people may get irritated by the day repeating over  and over  and over  and over . also  there ', s not much of an music score  and the music there is is pretty bad . but these criticisms hardly affect the audiences enjoyment at all . overall  then  groundhog day is a funny  smart  and also has some room in there for some heart . an excellent comedy . overall rating = (
pos " no man is an island  " one character quotes john donne in apt pupil  effectively summarizing the movie ', s themes . while hardly a great film  singer ', s ambitious adaptation of king ', s short story * is challenging nonetheless ; perhaps the most shocking aspect of this inclement psychological thriller is that a major studio got behind it . apt pupil is a bleak picture destined to be misunderstood by the masses . 1984 . wonder - bred high school honours student todd bowden ( renfro ) conducts his own extracurricular investigation of kurt dussander  a nazi war criminal who fearfully fled berlin in the 1960s and was never heard from again . bowden suspects arthur denker ( mckellan )  the lonely german senior citizen who lives nearby  is actually a pseudonymous dussander - much research and dusting for fingerprints proves young todd ', s theory . bowden strikes a deal with dussander : in exchange for not revealing his identity  dussander must satisfy bowden ', s intense curiosity by recounting the atrocities of the holocaust from the nazi point of view . the stories he hears keep todd up at night and haunt his daydreams  but like a bystander at a traffic accident  todd ', s desire for gory details overrides his repulsion . bowden revives in dussander feelings dormant since the end of wwii . marching in a mock uniform around his kitchen is wholly cathartic for dussander : it leads to his torture of a cat and the torment of his " student "  among other things . bowden  who has taken on very hateful qualities ( he kills birds and doodles swastikas on his notebook )  engages the veteran in an endless game of one - upmanship . dussander stands to lose his freedom  and bowden his credibility - in effect  his post - secondary school future . all of this winds down to a fairly unpredictable ( and unsettling ) conclusion  one which requires leaps of faith from its audience yet is more satisfying than the source material ', s excessive climax . singer has yet to get keyser s ? ze out of his system . his the usual suspects and apt pupil are both about evil masquerading as innocence ( verbal ', s tics and todd ', s golden - boy reputation are plausible ruses ) ; they showcase morally bankrupt anti - heroes to whom telling the truth is not an option if they are to achieve their goals . apt pupil is a richer film than the usual suspects  a movie famous and popular partly because its plot machinations were not germane to the outcome - there was no way you could see the ending coming  as it was all a hoodwink  anyway . thankfully  singer has gotten most of the usual suspects ', film - schoolish geek theatrics out of his system . some scenes in apt pupil feel overdirected and / or obvious ( the dream sequences were extraneous )  but the majority of the film is subdued - and singer ', s handling of the violent scenes is boldly restrained for a film about a murderer and a murderer - in - training . mckellan ', s and renfro ', s performances contribute enormously to the overall success of the film ; while most people will focus on british stage vet mckellan ', s finely - tuned realization  i ', d like to single out renfro ', s daring work . he isn ', t afraid to play someone largely unappealing and cold - hearted ; he strips his character of vanity  something many of his peers wouldn ', t do . ( can you picture kieran culkin or jonathan taylor - thomas in the same role ? ) renfro was recently charged with possession of cocaine - i hope he doesn ', t continue down that path  because he has a big future in good movies waiting for him . as guidance counsellor edward french  " friend " schwimmer also deserves mention . he wants to be the parent to todd that todd ', s own well - to - do folks are not ( todd  like most modern kids - and only - children - has mom and dad wrapped around his pinky finger )  and his sincerity makes the apt pupil ', s blackening - heart even more apparent . but one of the film ', s ultimate questions  are we born evil or do we learn evil ?  might be answered in french  whose motives are the slightest bit ambiguous . no man is an island  indeed - we all have the capacity to make the " right " or the " wrong " choices . schwimmer winningly plays one of a trio of fascinating characters who make the unconventional apt pupil laudible . - october  1998 * the excellent collection king ', s stories called different seasons spawned not only apt pupil  but the shawshank redemption ( originally titled rita hayworth and the shawshank redemption ) and stand by me ( originally titled the body ) .
pos i rented this movie with very high hopes . this movie got praise as one of the best films of 1998  and unfortunately  was not as good as i hoped  but was still very intriguing and thought provoking . first of all  the casting for this film is great . tobey maguire and reese witherspoon are the future of hollywood . they play their roles as the parker brother and sister perfectly . with a plot as unbelievable as this film  you need chemistry and honest acting from your cast . tobey and reese ( bud and mary sue parker ) play their roles perfectly and display their characters with honesty and believability . william h . macy  an actor i have grown to love over the past year  turns in another great performance as the tv dad who is torn over his wife  a " colored " person and his friends  the " non - colored " ones . he also displays believability and must display a certain lack of chemistry with his wife . he does this perfectly and yet again shows why he should be one of the top actors in hollywood . joan allen is equally great as betty parker  the ideal tv mom . her character is the most ambitious . she is very na ? ve  and must display this well to make her character believable and she does just that . her lack of chemistry with macy  which the role calls for  and her developed chemistry with jeff daniels is terrific  and if daniels would have been as stellar as the rest of the cast  then this film would even been even better . as said before  jeff daniels gives a bad performance . his character displays the change going on throughout the town  yet he does not display it with enough conviction . his character is very confusing and he is not very believable . this film could have been elevated to a whole new level had daniels been able to give a better performance . the movie is very provocative . it challenges the issues of racism that existed in the past and that still exist today . i really was not expecting all of the elements they brought up  but they pulled them off with such flair that it was mind blowing . they demonstrate the racism issue without a hitch  but do it in a slow pace . the only major flaw in the film besides the performance by daniels is length . some films are not meant to be that long . pleasantville is one of those films . this film could have been so much better had they not moved so slowly to it . first  they are amazed by the implementation of color . then they want to have it . then they do not want to . then the war ensues between the colored and non - colored . this is all strung out over two hours  which was way too long . some movies need a lot of time . saving private ryan was a little bit under three hours long and i thought it could have used more time . this film is only two hours long  and seems much longer . length is everything in films . if you can nail down the perfect timing and pace  you can win half the battle . pleasantville can move at a good pace at times  but it is not consistent enough . overall  pleasantville is a very pleasant and provocative departure from the predictability of most films these days . i went in expecting a light - hearted film about change . i left learning an important lesson about racism and the way things change . luckily  pleasantville teaches this lesson in such a way to make it appeal to all audiences . only if it could have done in a shorter amount of time .
pos few films in 1999 have divided the critical consensus as sharply as alan parker ', s adaptation of frank mccourt ', s memoir angela ', s ashes . many dismissed it as an humorless  sentimentalized  uninteresting version of the hugely popular novel ; others hailed it as a heartfelt  sincere portrait of the human spirit . i ', m somewhere in between  leaning strongly towards the latter . it ', s certainly well - made and it never becomes tedious like some literary adaptations have a tendency to be . but i have a feeling that parker filled the movie with pseudo - lyrical shots of rain falling on the homely streets of ireland just so it can have the two - and - a - half hour running time that screams " i ', m important ! " mccourt ', s book of the same name was about him and his family moving from the us to ireland in the early 1900 ', s  a time when most people were desperately trying to get into the us . as he comments  " we were the only irishfolk to say goodbye to the statue of liberty . " in ireland  frank ( played by joe breen as a small child )  his 3 brothers  his mother angela ( emily watson ) and his father malachy ( robert carlyle ) get financial help from angela ', s mother  a stereotypically strict catholic who chides her daughter for marrying a northern irishman . she helps them get a rat - infested apartment and malachy goes looking for a job . positions are scarce and when he does finally find one  he is unable to hold on to it because of his fondness for drinking . meanwhile  frank goes to an uptight catholic school  where the instructors beat students with blunt wooden objects as often as their heart desires . two of frank ', s brothers soon die  crippled by the dreadful living conditions and malnutrition . as if the poverty and the suffering weren ', t intense enough as it stood  malachy and angela have another baby  worsening the situation further . i imagine this doesn ', t sound like much of a plot . that ', s probably because it isn ', t one . these are people . this is their story . director alan parker ( the commitments ) knows how to tell a good story and angela ', s ashes  despite its relentlessly literary tone remains interesting . though the film occasionally indulges too much in its gloomily picturesque irish setting  it avoids looking like a glorified travelogue . supplementing parker ', s able direction are the engaging  often poignant performances of the leads  some of them seasoned thespians  others relative beginners . carlyle  the charismatic british actor who has shown astonishing range by hopping from the lead in a rowdy slapstick comedy to the villain in a james bond movie and now to sentimental melodrama  perfectly portrays his rather pathetic character . we empathize with the guy  but we don ', t like or admire him . emily watson turns in a heartfelt  sincere supporting performance . it is mostly she who implants that lump in our throats . also worthy of mention is little joe breen  whose face graces the film ', s superb poster . it is breen ', s first feature film and he ', s extraordinary as young frank . not unlike sudden oscar darling haley joel osment of the sixth sense  you can peer into the character ', s soul through breen ', s sad eyes . on the flip side  one thing that could have vastly improved angela ', s ashes is a more decisive editor . while gerry hambling sure makes the most of the scenery  he and parker also leave in at least a half an hour of unnecessary footage . the first half  especially  could have been trimmed down  bringing the film to a more reasonable running time and doing our bladders a favor in the process . things pick up at about the halfway point  sort of dismissing a lot of the criticisms i accumulated during the opening hour  but i maintain that the aggressively deliberate pace parker and co . set in the first half was ludicrously unnecessary . * spoiler warning ! skip next paragraph if in suspense ! * the film ', s final message is somewhat conflicted  as frankie  in effect  leaves his family famished in ireland while he himself goes back to america . what  exactly  are we supposed to make of that ? his mother doesn ', t seem to mind because she wants the best possible future for her son  as any mother would  but it still seems inconsiderate of him . i haven ', t read the book  but i ', m sure that mccourt justifies his actions therein ; therefore  i ', m suspicious . another thing that ', s never made clear in the movie is the meaning of the title  which  i ', m sure  is also explained in the memoir . if seen as a film onto itself  rather than an adaptation  angela ', s ashes stands tall . despite a few minor setbacks  it is a captivating story of people forced to live in the trenches by an merciless society where those of weaker character are shoved to the bottom of the financial ladder .
pos now that " boogie nights " has made disco respectable again ( well  fashionable at least )  we shouldn ', t be surprised to see more films glorifying that dubious era . the latest art house interpretation is whit stillman ', s " the last days of disco . " stillman  who made " metropolitan " and " barcelona " using some of the same actors  uses disco ', s final hours to highlight what is another conversation - heavy movie that benefits from typically astute writing from the director . the young  upwardly - mobile professional ( don ', t call them yuppies ! ) men and women of " the last days of disco " frequent a prestigious new york city nightclub pulsating to the bass - pounding rhythms of earth wind and fire  amy grant  and andrea true connection . here they talk and talk and talk  intellectualizing about such things as dating  success  and being liked  accepted  and admired . if talk is cheap  " the last days of disco " must surely have been an extremely inexpensive movie to shoot . what makes the film so entertaining is that this preppie  harvard - educated jet set actually have something to say and say it with wit  perception  and style ( including  at one point  a riotously inventive deconstruction of " the lady and the tramp " ) . na ? ve alice ( chlo ? sevigny ) and sophisticated charlotte ( kate beckinsale ) are recent college graduates who work as assistant editors for a new york publishing house . charlotte is confident and outspoken -- perhaps a little too outspoken ; alice is shy and introverted  " like a kindergarten teacher . " the two friends often doll themselves up and head out to the nameless nightspot  looking good and looking for excitement ( and that ms . beckinsale sure looks good on a dancefloor ! ) . here they meet  or re - meet  a variety of eligible men  many of whom they knew in college . des ( played by stillman favorite christopher eigeman ) is one of the club ', s managers whose job is on the line for sneaking his ad agency buddies in the back . des has reached a crisis point in his life : he just found out -- last wednesday  in fact -- that he ', s gay . whether it ', s true or not  it makes for a convenient excuse to dump his latest girlfriend ( jennifer beals in a small but soul - baring turn ) . charlotte observes cattily that the only gay thing about des is his mouth . jimmy ( mackenzie astin ) is the advertising exec who  by the end of the picture  winds up heading for a new job opportunity in spain ( visions of " barcelona " ? ) . josh ( matt keeslar ) is an assistant district attorney who dreams of being able to say  just once  " book this clown ! " and robert sean leonard plays another one of alice ', s revolving suitors ; the two have an amusing exchange about the true definition of virginity . any film that can make robert sean leonard palatable is worthy of respect in my book . in fact  the entire ensemble is appealing in that well - spoken stillman way . while the eschewing of " ferocious pairing " is a favored topic of conversation in the film  the protagonists tend to slip in and out of love  lust  and trouble with each other in an emotional merry - go - round that cleverly develops its characters through the " preferred " dynamics of social group interaction . more mature than stillman ', s previous two films  " the last days of disco " is as consistently droll as it is stimulating . it ', s a movie you should definitely get on down to .
pos this has been an extraordinary year for australian films . " shine " has just scooped the pool at the australian film institute awards  picking up best film  best actor  best director etc . to that we can add the gritty " life " ( the anguish  courage and friendship of a group of male prisoners in the hiv - positive section of a jail ) and " love and other catastrophes " ( a low budget gem about straight and gay love on and near a university campus ) . i can ', t recall a year in which such a rich and varied celluloid library was unleashed from australia . " shine " was one bookend . stand by for the other one : " dead heart " . > from the opening credits the theme of division is established . the cast credits have clear and distinct lines separating their first and last names . bryan | brown . in a desert settlement  hundreds of kilometres from the nearest town  there is an uneasy calm between the local aboriginals and the handful of white settlers who live nearby . the local police officer has the task of enforcing " white man ', s justice " to the aboriginals . these are people with a proud 40  000 year heritage behind them . naturally  this includes their own system of justice ; key to which is " payback " . an eye for an eye . revenge . usually extracted by the spearing through of the recipient ', s thigh . brown  as the officer  manages quite well to keep the balance . he admits that he has to ', bend the rules ', a bit  including actively encouraging at least one brutal " payback " . ( be warned that this scene  near the start  is not for the squeamish ) . the local priest - an aboriginal  but in the " white fellas " church - has a foot on either side of the line . he is  figuratively and literally  in both camps . ernie dingo brings a great deal of understanding to this role as the man in the middle . he is part churchman and part politician . however the tension  like the heat  flies and dust  is always there . whilst her husband - the local teacher - is in church  white lady kate ( milliken ) and her aborginal friend tony  ( pedersen ) have gone off into the hills . he takes her to a sacred site  even today strictly men - only . she appears to not know this . tony tells her that this is a special place  an initiation place . he then makes love to her  surrounded by ancient rock art . the community finds out about this sacrilegious act and it ', s payback time . the fuse is lit and the brittle inter - racial peace is shattered . everyone is affected in the fall out . to say more is to give away the details of this finely crafted film . suffice to say it ', s a rewarding experience . bryan brown  acting and co - producing  is the pivotal character . his officer is real  human and therefore flawed . brown comments that he expects audiences to feel warmth towards the man  then suddenly feel angry about him . it wasn ', t long ago that i visited central australia - ayers rock ( uluru ) and alice springs - for the first time . the wide - screen cinematography shows the dead heart of australia in a way that captures it ', s vicious beauty  but never deteriorates into a moving slide show  in which the gorgeous background dominates those pesky actors in the foreground . the cultural clash has provided the thesis for many a film ; from the western to the birdcage . at least three excellent australian films have covered the aboriginal people and the line between them and we anglo - saxon ', invaders ', : " jedda "  " the chant of jimmie blacksmith " and " the last wave " . in a year when the race ', debate ', has reared up in australia  it is nourishing to see such an intelligent  non - judgemental film as " dead heart " . the aboriginal priest best sums this up . he is asked to say if he is a " black fella or white fella " .
pos i think the first thing this reviewer should mention is wether or not i am a fan of the x - files . first  let me assure you that no prior experience with the series is required to fully enjoy this movie . the producers are not stupid  making a movie just for fans of the series is not profitable . you have to reach for a larger audience . therefore  the movie is quite user - friendly . altough  non - fans will only fail to understand certain emotions behind the looks many characters exchange . but fear not  duchovny and another man later on provide more than adequate background info on what is going on . you will never feel as if you just walked in on the third act of some great opera . in any case  the answer is no . i am not a fan of the x - files  i only watch it when nothing else is on and i prefer millennium . however  since the fox network as been so kind as to air several key episodes for several weeks before the movie ', s opening weekend i took that opportunity to test the movie . i taped all of these episodes and watched them only after seing the movie  i am glad to report that i learned nothing new . everything you need to know is explained to the viewer by duchovny and others . i know i am going maybe a bit too far to make my point but everybody should get the chance to experience this movie . warning : major spoilers follow ! please do not read to fully enjoy this movie  you must not be able know what is coming  what exactly is over that hill and what that weird " hummm " sound is all about . you have been warned . the x - files is what a summer should be . exciting  scary  great special effects ( unlike other summer movies the effects do not take over the movie and are only there when it is really necessary ) and good performances . this is coming from a guy who thinks david duchovny is the human equivalent of a wooden plank . from start to finish  this movie does not let go of you . when i compare it with last summer ', s movies the best way to describe it would be : take the excitement and great score from face / off and the deadly use of sound from event horizon . this flick is scary  not in a b movie kind of way where you always know where and when the critter will jump at our heroes . in fact  the first time the critter in this movie makes an apperance it is totally out of the blue . you might as well bring ear plugs because this thing is louuuudd ! the last time a monster scared me that much was when i first saw aliens as a six year old kid . you know  when you are affraid to put your feet on the floor because the creature might be under the chair  or when you keep trying to cover your throat with your shirt ? so yeah  the x - files is scary . and guess what ? you never even have to see the monster but your imagination works overtime and it sure beats having to watch a flawed  computer generated  babyzilla  it looks like you could walk right through it not even scarier than your grandma in undies type of monster . do not think that the x - files is a monster movie . in fact  the creature is there for maybe three minutes total . no  the x - files is definately a mulder episode of the series . scully is at his side  of course  but gillian anderson gets maybe half the screen time . she has a couple of good scenes with duchovny  but she gets kidnapped during the last half hour of the movie so she does not get to do much . no  this is mulder ', s time in the spotlight . by now  you have heard of the scene where mulder " showers " independence day . if you have not then i will not spoil it for you  let ', s just say that due to recent events mulder should be " showering " godzilla instead . to those of you wondering if mulder discovers that the truth is indeed out there . . . who cares ! ? if he did find it the series would over anyway so what are you complaining about ? the dialogue in interesting and the director is marvelous . the camera is almost always looking over the shoulder of our heroes so we feel as if we are right there with them when they open a door or climb a hill . the script is spotless  every thing that happens happens for a purpose . if you are confused by something  do not worry because it will all become clear later on but  and i cannot stress this enough  pay attention ! ! ! unlike most summer movies  the dialogue is twice as important as the effects . miss one vital piece of information and  like most people who talk during movies  you will go home and tell all your friends how this movie made no sense . also  to those people who need to go to the bathroom during movies . . . don ', t ! the person who watched the movie with me had to go twice and twice she missed an important conversation . there is no time to take a breather between scenes because  again unlike most summer movies ( godzilla anybody ? ) the x - files does not need to fill scenes between the suspense and the action with useless subplots  every scene is crucial and serves a purpose . who needs to see the blond chiouaoua have a " big emotional scene " between godzilla attacks ? so far this summer i have seen only one movie who ranks higher on my list of movies i ', d recommend and that is the truman show but it only wins by a nose . but the truman show is not what i would call a summer movie  the x - files is . what more do you ask from a summer movie other than the chance to be excited ? cool effects ? it ', s got some . pulse pounding ? hell yes ! strangely enough  i think that fans of the series will hate this movie while non - fans will have a good time . it does not provide answers to the show ', s many questions  the status quo remains nearly the same and  no  mulder and scully do not get together . rating : four and a half out of five stars for the best movie yet this summer  several jump right out of your seat thrills  many " whoah  i never saw that one coming ! " moments  four " holy shit  where the hell did that come from " and one heck of an ending . you may wonder where this movie lost half a star . well  i swore never to give a movie the full five stars so i had to find something about the in his ice truck  the tracks it leaves in the snow behind him go on for several miles but then they just stop . it ', s pretty obvious the film ', s makers drove the truck for several miles to give the appearance that mulder had been driving for a long time  but in the end it looks like mulder just dropped from the sky and started driving .
pos trees lounge is the directoral debut from one of my favorite actors  steve buscemi . he gave memorable performences in in the soup  fargo  and reservoir dogs . now he tries his hand at writing  directing and acting all in the same flick . the movie starts out awfully slow with tommy ( buscemi ) hanging around a local bar the " trees lounge " and him pestering his brother . it ', s obvious he a loser . but as he says " it ', s better i ', m a loser and know i am  then being a loser and not thinking i am . " well put . the story starts to take off when his uncle dies  and tommy  not having a job  decides to drive an ice cream truck . well  the movie starts to pick up with him finding a love interest in a 17 year old girl named debbie ( chloe sevigny ) and . . . i liked this movie alot even though it did not reach my expectation . after you ', ve seen him in fargo and reservoir dogs  you know he is capable of a better performence . i think his brother  michael  did an excellent job for his debut performence . mr . buscemi is off to a good career as a director !
pos i wish i could say that there is something more to the new star wars installment than what you see in the commercials  but there isn ', t . george lucas is an expert at crafting triumphant  special effects - bound flicks and he has done it again . this is the first star wars film i ', ve seen on the big screen  so  of course  the impact was much greater than when i watched the three original episodes on video . what is compelling about the phantom menace is not its disposable story  but its amazing visuals . basically  the film ', s plot is centered around trade disputes between two planets . qui - gon ( liam neeson ) and his young apprentice obi - wan kenobi ( ewan mcgregor ) set out with the animated jar - jar binks to fix the mess that may result in war . when their ship breaks down and they are stranded  they find a young boy  anakin skywalker ( jake lloyd ) and his slave mother . qui - gon strongly believes that anakin is destined for jedi greatness and immediately takes him under his wing . anakin participates in a heart - pounding podrace  one of the highlights of the film  to get the equipment needed to fix qui - gon ', s ship . however  most everyone is doubtful about entrusting the future to some unknown slave boy . meanwhile  queen amadala ( natalie portman ) is frustrated and at wit ', s end  being na ? ve and young and having so much responsibility on her shoulders . there are hardly any emotional scenes in the film - even when we discover that anakin will be leaving his slave mother behind to begin jedi training  the frenzied excitement of the whole film wears down the poignancy to the size of a crumb . this does not prove that the phantom menace is poorly made for it is brilliantly made . in all the star wars films  human emotions that we  the audience  can identify with are usually nil  but the films are for pure enjoyment  not for uplifting purposes . despite the fun of watching the movie  the phantom menace is not without flaws . for starters  we have the ill - conceived  moronic character jar - jar binks who should be considered a threat to star wars galactic society and to the audience . what a klutz ! george lucas clumsily tried to create a fun character that would be as memorable as  say  yoda  r2 - d2  or c3 - po  but  alas  his efforts were in vain . secondly ( this may be good or bad  depending on your point of view )  the movie ', s atmosphere is so different from the familiar comic - book feel of the previous three star wars installments . this is due  perhaps  to the utter complexity to this movie ', s plot and the higher level of sophistication of the visual effects used here . the movie seems to be reaching for epic proportions . i can ', t say much about the acting  though acting has never been what you saw star wars movies for anyway . however  there is absolutely no pizzazz to the performances - they are straightforward and  at times  stale . natalie portman has a great presence  but her turn as queen amadala makes the queen a stoic  unfeeling ? enigma . there is nothing we can hold onto in her performance to make us believe the trade predicament is anything of importance . jake lloyd is the only actor here who has an ounce of evident spunk . despite the inevitable faults  there is so much to enjoy about the movie . the heightened excitement of the final sequences doesn ', t quite surpass the famous the empire strikes back climactic scenes  but they are amazing and edge - of - your - seat fun in their own rite . the film is a treasure to look at . the visual effects are astonishing 99 . 8 % of the time - the awe - inspiring  mouth - opening  eye - popping sight of the underwater city is nothing short of production design and special effects genius . not since 1997 ', s the fifth element has there been a film as drenched in visual treats as this one . the production design is reminiscent of the fifth element  the previous star wars movies  kubrick ', s 2001  maybe even of fritz lang ', s classic silent metropolis . however  all the sets are so original . the original star wars movies can ', t even match the grandeur of this film ', s visuals and that is a sheer pleasure for the viewer - it gives us hope of even greater things for the upcoming episode . the costumes are remarkable and have jean - paul gaultier written all over them . whether its queen amadala ', s gigantic wardrobe complete with gold - embroidery and feathers  or the jedis ', simple brown uniforms  the costume designer has fused talent with outrageousness . the costumes are one of the true delights of watching the movie . as for john williams ', score  i don ', t think he ', s done one as complex or powerful since ? i can ', t even remember . it is as epic as his schindler ', s list score and as thrilling and zestful as jaws . it includes the bare bones of his music from the previous three films  but williams has added on  made the music much more intense and moving . what with the overwhelming hoopla that circled this movie  one might come in with high expectations and be disappointed . there is very little to hate in the film : it ', s a very accomplished and skillfully made flick . it is the best " fun " film and the best big - budget film out today  most definitely .
pos lisa cholodenko ', s " high art  " is an intelligent  quiet drama . its strongest quality  aside from the top - notch central performances  is the perceptive way in which the film  also written by cholodenko  observes its characters . they are all flawed people  some more troubled than others  but they are not judged . judging the characters in this picture would be a creative misstep on the filmmakers ', parts  because no one  no matter how bad off they are  deserve to be negatively judged if they are involved in some serious problems that they cannot break free of . syd ( radha mitchell )  a 24 - year - old woman living with her longtime boyfriend james ( gabriel mann )  has recently been awarded an ideal job at the high - profile photography magazine  " frame . " she very much enjoys where her career is headed  but is often not taken very seriously by her managers  who are always giving her petty jobs to do  when she knows she could be doing more important things . one night  while taking a bath  syd notices a leak coming from the apartment above hers  so when she goes up there to inform them of it  she meets lucy beliner ( ally sheedy )  a thin  worn - out  and unhappy woman  who lives with her drug - addicted german girlfriend  greta ( patricia clarkson )  a pathetic former actress who is usually so out - of - it that she often is in and out of conciousness . syd quickly strikes up a conversation with lucy  and discovers that she used to be an acclaimed photographer ten years before . lucy claims she doesn ', t want to get back into the profession  but syd manages to convince the " frame " editors to do a piece on her work . all the while  syd begins to grow deep feelings for lucy  even though she has never previously been attracted to a woman  and lucy starts a battle with her personal demons . " high art  " is such an effective motion picture because it is never suger - coated or idealized  but instead an honest and convincing portrait of a handful of unhappy people whose lives are going nowhere  while syd ', s luck begins to rise . the film in no way is about lesbianism  but about love  which was a refreshing change of pace from the usual stereotypical portraits of homosexuality . as lucy and syd grow closer and closer together  we really do believe that they are falling in love with each other  even if the relationship might be doomed . with this picture  ally sheedy ', s star has risen once again  thanks to her touching  nearly flawless portrtayal of lucy  a woman who  in the course of a decade  has found her life consumed almost entirely by drugs  which has taken away her once - blossoming career . her characted really is tragic  and one particular scene involving lucy and her mother  in which lucy admits to her that she has a drug problem  and her mother matter - of - factly responds by saying she can ', t help her  is heartbreaking . although not autobiographical  sheedy has had drug problems in her past  and i suspect she brought that knowledge of already being in lucy ', s footsteps to her role . also very good is radha mitchell as syd  who previously starred in the slight 1997 australian comedy  " love and other catastrophes  " wh caught me by surprise with her performance . easily being able to pass as christina ricci ', s older sister  mitchell obtains the same natural charisma that has made ricci so popular recently . as accurate as almost every detail is in  " high art  " i wish the relationship had been more tightly written involving syd and james  who  played by gabriel mann  is left with a throwaway role . by the time he finds out about syd and lucy  he disappears from the film  and i wish there had been another scene where they confronted each other . this is a very minor fault  however  in a film that is full of riches . although many of the characters are stuck in a hopeless pit of despair  syd and lucy are intelligent people who recognize their problems . the character of dominique ( anh duong )  the " frame " editor who decides to give syd a chance with her ideas  was also written to be far more mature than expected . and the one sex scene in the film was beautifully and originally done . for once  it did not invlove steaminess  or violent sexual activity  or gratuitous nudity  but focused on the actual characters  who love each other  and their insecurities involved in making the decision to actually have sex . " high art  " which won the screenwriting award at the 1998 sundance film festival  marks the superior feature film debut of cholodenko  as well as sheedy ', s strongest  and best  role to date .
pos the relaxed dude rides a roller coaster the big lebowski a film review by michael redman copyright 1998 by michael redman the most surreal situations are ordinary everyday life as viewed by an outsider . when those observers are joel and ethan coen  the surreal becomes bizarre . when the life is that of jeff " the dude " leboswki  the bizarre falls over the edge into the world of " what ', sgoingonaroundhere " . the marvelous sound of " the stranger " ( sam elliot ) ', s voice - over introduces the film . at least it does until he forgets what he was going to say and gives up . the dude ( jeff bridges ) is described as the " laziest man in los angeles  possibly the world "  although he ', s not so much slothful as he is relaxed . spending the last 30 years with a roach clip in one hand and a white russian in the other  he doesn ', t have much of a life  but he ', s having a good time . when asked what he does for fun  he responds " bowl  drive around and the occasional acid flashback " . lebowski ', s passion is bowling . when he ', s not rolling the ball down an alley towards a strike  things just happen to him . arriving home one night  he ', s beaten by thugs attempting to collect money that his wife owes them . even worse  they urinate on his rug . the problem is that the dude doesn ', t have a wife . his assailants realize that their target is a different lebowski when they glance around at his apartment . the " big " lebowski ( david huddleston ) is a multi - millionaire and his dudeness lives in two - room squalor . the next day  our ragtag hero visits his namesake ', s mansion attempting compensation for his soaked rug . the carpet is important to him because it pulls the room together : not surprisingly since it ', s virtually the only object there . when he ', s denied any money  he picks up a replacement rug off the floor . on his way out  he runs into lebowski ', s trophy babe wife bunny ( tara reid ) who offers to perform a sexual act that  according to rumor  is one of bill clinton ', s favorites for a thousand bucks . the penniless dude wisecracks that he ', s heading for the cash machine . later he gets an unexpected phone call enlisting his aid in being the bag man to deliver a ransom to bunny ', s kidnappers . this begins the trademarked coen brothers crimes - gone - wrong sequences . the kidnappers are impossibly inept . the dude and his cronies are even worse . every plan goes awry . you can almost see lebowski ', s brain churning in slow motion as he tries to figure out the clues . that ', s the story  but to tell the truth it doesn ', t much matter . there could be almost any plot and the film would be just as entertaining . the narrative only exists so we can watch the offbeat characters and the quirky predicaments they fall into . the dude ', s bowling buddies walter ( john goodman ) and donny ( steve buscemi ) look like people you ', d see on the street but  like everything else in this film  they ', re not quite what they seem . walter is a vet as stuck in vietnam as the dude is in the sixties . everything that happens reminds him of a situation in the nam . when a fellow bowler crosses the foul line but won ', t admit it  walter pulls a gun on him until he marks a zero on the score sheet . donny gets precious few words in between walter ', s screaming and the dude ', s rambling . when he does  walter shouts him down with horrendous albeit seemingly unintentional bowling puns . donny is " out of his league " and doesn ', t " have a frame of reference " . the film is peppered with people for whom the term " character " would be an understatement . the big lebowski ', s daughter maude  an avant - garde " vaginal " artist  paints while swinging naked in a leather apparatus like an s & m mary martin . the kidnappers are german techno nihilist bikers . bunny lebowski is a high school cheerleader turned porno star . most impressive is john turturro in his far too small role as a hispanic bowler . as the flamenco music swells  we see him putting on his lavender hose . the camera pans up to an all - purple skin - tight bowling outfit with " jesus " ( pronounced with a " j "  not an " h " ) embroidered on the pocket . he addresses the lane with intense seriousness and one painted fingernail . his tongue slowly snakes out and lovingly licks the glowing bowling ball . bridges works the dude as if he had been living him for decades and maybe he has . i can ', t think of anyone else who could have done a better job . buscemi has a limited role  but he plays it perfectly . the more that i see john goodman the more convinced i am that he ', s one of the treasures of our time . it ', s odd to think that most of the world knows him only as roseanne barr ', s television husband . more like the coen ', s " raising arizona " than their hit " fargo "  " the big lebowski " demands an open mind and even more open eyes . a mark of the coen brothers is that even with all wonderful dream sequences and the broad slapstick physical comedy on the screen  much of the humor is subtle and easy to miss . there ', s so much going on that frequently it disappears before you can see it . walking out of the theater  i felt that the film had something important to say . on further examination  i wasn ', t sure exactly what it was . " if you meet jesus at the bowling alley  it ', s not going to be what you expect " ? " when the going gets weird  the weird go bowling " ? maybe there ', s no real message . perhaps it ', s just a roller coaster ride through a hilarious world . maybe that ', s enough . ( michael redman has written this column for 23 years and just realized that he was so taken with the dude that he ran out of space to talk about " the man in the iron mask " starring that favorite of 14 - year - old girls of all ages . redman @ bvoice . com is the eaddress for estuff . )
pos i don ', t box with kid gloves . i don ', t play nice  i ', m not a nice guy  and i never  ever  go easy on a film . i consider it to be a breech of some sort of code of ethics for a movie critic . however  i do some favors  and these often come in the form of points that i hand to certain groups due to the artistic bravery . rigormortis  the production company that has been my prime example of how money does not need to motivate filmmaking  gets several of these points each time . i still  however  will not go easy on them . they recently sent me a vhs copy of their down with america trilogy ( which begins  quite wittily  with a disclaimer that they are not trying to undermine america with the making of this film . ) and i decided to spend an hour of my day watching it . in the famous lines of many martyrs  i have no regrets . well  i do have some regrets  but that is not the point in the previous sentence . the point of it was that down with america was a film that  from a critical standpoint  did not entirely disappoint me . sure  the risky use of vhs instead of super 8mm or 16mm was a pain  and the natural light was one of the most annoying things about public access films  but the movie itself was fairly enjoyable . down with america concerns a government agent  needless murder  and a book containing everything from the unabomber ', s manifesto to the 1995 apple computer profit report . like the previous films of rigormortis that i have reviewed  it displays an off - kilter humor and intelligence ? it succeeds in making me laugh where countless studio films fail . the best way to see this film would be as a parody of the countless conspiracy films that we have been drowned in since the paranoia of the 80s . a dying movement from the day they started  these paranoid ` thrillers ', had the government always covering up something and had the same favorite word : ` roswell . ', in down with america  the line ` roswell ', is highly absent . with an about ten minute running time  down with america effortlessly sidesteps every clich ? that the conspiracy films fell into  makes jokes at them at the same time  and provides us with funny and memorable characters . again  i have seen movies that have gone on two hours with characters i couldn ', t care less about . the film  as previously stated  concerns a federal agent ( peter roach )  an obsessed librarian ( meri stevens )  a mystery man ( joe kaczkowski )  and two people obsessed with silence in the library ( robb sherman  kevin flowers ) . the plot : a book containing the secrets of all anarchists is hidden in ? a public library where it can be viewed by all . from there we go into a delightful parody . the federal agent claims his sovereign right to alter the truth  the librarian goes on a diatribe about the sanctity of books . we spend our time laughing at fairly idiotic jokes that are performed much too well considering the lack of coaching of the cast . although the actors and actresses are in small roles and give a whole new meaning to ` no - name ',  it ends up being the no - name people who do a good job  delivering better performances as comic villains than half the crap that hollywood turns out . for once  i don ', t have a url that i know offhand to give you as to where to locate the film online . i can only say that you should find my previous reviews of l ', auto and les x - files and look up the rigormortis productions site in and of itself . it ', s almost as much fun as the film .
pos here is a film that is so unexpected  so scary  and so original that it caught me off guard and threw me for a loop . okay  it isn ', t quite original  considering it is a sequel to the box office hit species  but it certainly is smart . most films of this genre are reminiscent of those cheesy b - horror films from the 50s and 60s  and some even become them . however  as we learned with the 1995 small - budget horror / sci - fi film  sometimes expectations can be shattered . a lot of criticism has gone against this film ( from what i have read so far  anyway -- yep  all two reviews )  and it makes me wonder why these types of films are automatically dismissed as gory  laughable pieces of trash . but  the thing is  it isn ', t . it ', s well made  well acted  and quite intelligent . i can see most of the critics now complaining about the level of gore or the level of sexuality in the film . but the species series isn ', t about the lack of these elements . it ', s about how much it can get into one film . and yet  behind it all  it has this basic premise that allows it to get away with doing so . species ii begins in the present day  though it seems to be an alternate universe . many films ( especially sci - fi ones ) create similar timelines as our realistic one  but change it to fit the film ', s needs . species ii begins with the arrival of an american spacecraft  the excursion  landing on the surface of mars . aboard is patrick ross ( justin lazard )  a very bright and very handsome astronaut . patrick is the son of senator ross ( james cromwell )  who just wants patrick to succeed . well  it would seem that he has succeeded . landing on the surface of mars  he is the first human being to ever do so . of course  he isn ', t the first ever . about a billion years ago  an alien species supposedly landed on mars and destroyed the perfect living conditions that were able to sustain life . now  of course  the red planet is cold and rocky . no life lives on it . that is  no visible life . patrick  upon leaving the spacecraft and landing on the red soil  collects samples from the ground . he takes them aboard  and puts them in storage . unfortunately  one of the samples contains a form of life  and it gets loose when it is heated aboard the ship . just prior to heading back to earth  this life form creeps along the floor and inhabits the earthlings . they pass out for approximately seven minutes  and then shrug it off as nothing  because they can ', t even remember . they blame it on a technical malfunction . back on earth  patrick begins to have strong urges to mate with as many women as possible . as we know from the original  this is because the alien wants to breed and take over the planet . however  the children that are bred are half - human  as their father is . patrick is really looking for another alien to breed with  and he finds it in eve ( natasha henstridge ) . eve was cloned from dna taken from sil  the original alien . however  this time around  most of her " alien " urges have been either decreased dramatically  or lie dormant . the project is led by dr . laura baker ( marg helgenberger  reprising her role from species )  and her motives seem respectable . since she was involved with the original alien attack  she wants to learn how to stop the alien should it come again . and it has . story - wise  species ii is much stronger than its predecessor  but it is also much stronger than  say  aliens ( hey  i love the film  but you can ', t tell me it was strong on story ) . what surprised me the most with this film was the incorporation of historical facts into the screenplay . in my search for extraterrestrial intelligence course in college  we learned about a piece of rock from mars which landed in one of the poles . this piece of rock contained fossils which may have been proof of life on mars ( later  it was proven that it was not a living creature that created it ) . the script uses this effectively  but also manages to provide a well - balanced plot . beginning with the first man on mars ( something i have always dreamed of seeing )  i was hoping that the film would turn this element into a useful starting point for the movie . and it does it quite well . the characters are all smart  and they know what to do and what not to do . the only character that seems a little cliched is the general ( george dzundza )  and yet  he remains logical in everything he does . there are the obvious flaws of course  mostly lying in the technical aspects . the special effects are only mediocre  and some are just plain bad . but for the most part  they remain believable ( i even noticed a homage to the alien series when the mothers gave birth to alien children ) . also  the most realistic ones are usually the goriest  ranging from people being torn open  or someone ', s head being blown off . however  some plot elements also may elicit laughs from the audience  including a menage a troi that is all but necessary . many people dislike the species series because all it is is an excuse for sex  nudity  and gory violence . however  i tend to disagree . what were the alien films about ? and  if an alien species ever did come to earth  and their sole purpose was to destroy us  wouldn ', t you mate as quickly as possible with as many people as possible ? my only gripe with this is during the scene where patrick goes searching for a mate in a grocery store . i didn ', t realize that aliens were that picky on choosing women to mate with ( i just assume it is his part - human side looking for the most beautiful one ) . the acting is quite good for this kind of film . it is a vast improvement over the first film  at least . the acting is the key element to this film : if it was bad  it would have lowered itself into camp ; if it was good  it would have asked for comparison with films like aliens . okay  so it isn ', t that good . george dzundza is probably the most obvious mistake on casting  as his over - the - top impersonation of a general makes him annoying and distracting . natasha henstridge is limited this time around  as she is usually enclosed in a cage . however  she does manage a very impressive performance with this aspect hindering any of her talent . oh yeah  and she ', s quite fun to just plain watch . marg helgenberger is immensely better this time around  and her performance is probably the best in this film . michael madsen is so - so  but he isn ', t annoying  and he soon becomes rather appealing ( with his nice cynic personality ) . james cromwell has a small part  but he makes it much better than what it could have been with a more incapable actor . as i say  any film with james cromwell dramatically increases in likeability . mykelti williamson gives an enjoyable performance  and he gives the film a more down - to - earth feel . and  of course  justin lazard . lazard has so far been ridiculed for his performance  but i think he is effective . sure  he is wooden  but isn ', t that what his character is like ? the moment when he touches the glass separating henstridge from him was extremely well done  due to the couple ', s acting . species ii is rated r for strong sexuality  sci - fi violence / gore and language . this is definitely an r rated film that young kids should not see . more than likely  they would probably have nightmares and never have sex for the rest of their lives . hell  i don ', t even know if i will . what is sure to be a critically lambasted film turns out to be the surprise film of the year . i probably won ', t see another film where i was expecting so little and got so much for quite a while . director peter medak has crafted a very suspenseful  and sometimes very scary movie out of a mediocre series . medak has also mastered the wonderful " jump ! " moments  and has probably the second scariest moment i have ever seen on film ( scream still has the first ) . strong acting  smart dialogue  intelligent plotting  and a sure - handed director  species ii is exactly what these films should be : entertaining .
pos plot : this movie takes place over one day . it ', s a rookie cop ', s narcotics training alongside a seasoned police veteran . the rookie doesn ', t know much about " street justice "  so the older cop teaches him about the way things work in the " real world " . how even cops like themselves have to " bend the rules " and " break the law " every now and then  in order to catch the really bad guys . critique : a pretty intense little movie with solid acting across the board  some ups  some downs and a thrilling ending  despite a couple of small flaws . i really enjoyed this movie because it followed two extreme characters and put them in situations which had me wondering about what i would do if i were in their place . the film gets right into the " dirty " side of  well . . . the dirt on the streets  and proceeds to teach the rookie cop ( and us  the audience ) how things really work down there . of course  we ', re receiving this lesson from a man who has put away a lot of scum in his time  but the things he seems to be doing aren ', t exactly on the up - and - up either . and therein  lies the fun of the film . do you agree that you yourself would need to break a few small laws in order to put away the people who break the really big ones ? well  as the film moves along  we ', re given two points of view in respect to this predicament  and to me  both sides made sense at some point or another . and you gotta give a lot of credit to the screenplay for that  the director  who builds the film up wonderfully ( with the darkness of the day leading to the darkness in the script ) and the two actors who deliver their parts in spades . hawke  first off  because he rarely plays these " commercial " roles but does so perfectly here  with a vulnerable side which has you feeling for the bastard right off the top . and denzel  well  what can you say about mr . washington that hasn ', t already been said before ? he comes through as per his usual high - level style here  and gives the audience a completely different side to his talent  of which  i personally would like to see more . he ', s nice  he ', s not so nice  he ', s smart  he ', s not so smart  he ', s caring and he ', s a dog all the way . the few problems that i did have with this film included the redundant nature of the whole thing at some point ( okay  we get it . . . you have to be nasty in order to deal with these nasty people . . . move on ) and this one really major " coincidence " which involved a bathtub  that saved the day for one character  but seemed a little too " convenient " for my taste . i also never really understood how washington ', s character got out of a certain dire predicament  only to be seen driving his car in the very next scene . but obviously these small flaws didn ', t taint my overall enjoyment of this tense drama  a film that gets you right into the streets  into the nooks and the crannies  and into the moral dilemma which lies between the justice system and the day - to - day drug busts . see it if you want to wrestle with some of these issues yourself  see it if you want to see denzel and ethan strike up a palpable chemistry on - screen  and see it if you like holding on to your seat - handles real tight during a movie . in fact  see it for the scene in which ethan hawke plays cards with a host of gang - bangers alone . . . dang  now that ', s intense ! where ', s joblo coming from ? the corruptor ( 7 / 10 ) - crimson tide ( 9 / 10 ) - l . a . confidential ( / 10 ) - lethal weapon ( 8 / 10 ) - requiem for a dream ( 8 / 10 ) - seven ( 10 / 10 ) - shaft ( 7 / 10 ) - traffic ( 8 / 10 )
pos a thriller set in modern day seattle  that marked marky mark ', s migration from the " good vibrations " and " calvin klein undie ad " guy  to mark wahlberg  thespian - at - large  and a mighty good one at that . plot : boy ( wahlberg ) meets girl ( witherspoon ) . boy likes girl . girl likes boy . boy and girl begin dating . parents of girl aren ', t crazy about the boy . girl steps to boy ', s defense . family problems occur . girl learns more about the boy . boy goes nuts . fun ensues . critique : ever wonder what would happen if your better half turned out to be someone other than the person that you had come to cherish and love ? well  if you ever have  then this film is definitely for you . it isn ', t the most original premise in the world  but it is handled pretty well here  and pretty quickly for that matter ( a speedy 90 minutes ) . i think one of the main reasons this film worked for me is the groundbreaking performance by mark wahlberg ( of boogie nights infamy ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) . he completely captured all the goodness  and badness  of the main character of this film  and always kept me wanting to see more and more of him ( his performance scored him a solid nomination from his core target audience  as " best villain " at the 1997 mtv movie awards ) . the soundtrack is also very effective in this setting  and of course  the slutty performance by alyssa milano is something we could all indulge in ( look for the nice bikini and butt shots . . . if you ', re into that kind of thing  that is : ) . i didn ', t much care for the father / david relationship which seemed to be a little too contrived  but for the most part  i was really into this movie . then again  daddy dearest did have one of the coolest lines in the movie when his wife is asking him what the " big deal " was about his daughter dating david . his reply : " the big deal is that the guy gives me the creeps  and the girl is my daughter . " good point . all in all  the movie kicked some fun ass  mindless as it was  and effectively demonstrated every parent ', s worst nightmare . mind you  i still can ', t tell if reese witherspoon is good looking or a douchebag  but hey  life goes on . and on a personal note  we finally decided to add some taco meat onto our nacho fiesta of usual  and let me tell you all . . . it was a flaming success ! ! another firm recommendation by joe schmoe ! little known facts : director james foley was the man responsible for the critically acclaimed glengarry glenross ( 8 / 10 ) back in 1992  at close range ( 7 . 5 / 10 ) in 1986  and even directed an episode of twin peaks in 1990 . mark wahlberg stands 5 " 9  is born in massachusetts  dropped out of highschool ( later got his ged )  and was convicted of several minor felonies before starting his career as the lead singer of marky mark and the funky bunch . his brother is donnie wahlberg of new kids on the block fame . he is also testing the waters on the acting front .
pos wow ! what a movie . it ', s everything a movie can be : funny  dramatic  interesting  weird  funny  weird and strikingly original . yep that pretty much describes this movie . it starts out like a regular movie and ends up being one of the weirdest  funniest most original movies i have ever seen . it boggles the mind and some have to wonder why we cannot get movies like this more often . besides being one of the best films of the year  being john malkovich may as well be one of the best movies ever . period . then again there are so many good movies  that one cannot pick an all time favorite . john cusack plays a puppeteer craig schwartz a man out of a job  in search of a job . his wife lotte schwartz who is played by a completely un - noticeable cameron diaz who looks like something off the streets is an animal lover and has about every kind of animal you could think of . craig finds a job as a file at the 7 ? floor of a business building . . . you have to pry open the elevator doors open before it reaches floor eight  the 7 ? floor is just a floor between 7 and 8 . he is hired by his 105 year old boss ( orsen bean ) to be a filer . in his office  he discovers a little door  to which was boarded up and hidden . to his curiosity he opens it and starts to crawl toward it  he then gets sucked to the end and ends up in john malkovich ', s mind . fifteen minutes later he is shot out onto the side of the new jersey turnpike . he returns to tell his co - worker maxine ( catherine keener ) that he has found a portal that will lead him into john malkovich ', s mind  she doesn ', t believe him but after she sees it it changes her mind . lotte also finds out about the portal and discovers that being someone else is good after all . john malkovich of course has no idea what is going on  and by the end of this bizarre film there are so many twists and turns  that we don ', t know what really happened . john cusack is outstanding and utterly believeable in a role only he himself could play . he fits the role perfectly and to me was brilliantly cast . cameron diaz is outstanding and utterly one of the world ', s most prettiest women  is made up here unnoticeable and very unattractive . she however gives a very comic performance and this could easily be her best role to date . catherine keener is very funny and sexy as maxine and of course the best thing of the movie is the magic himself john malkovich who is very brilliant and this movie plays big time homage ? to the master himself . the whole group combined gives us a wonderfully funny movie that is also smart and clever . spike jonze ( three kings ) makes his fabulous directing debut  and did a fantastic job of directing this new classic film . he lets the viewer go on the trip as well as let the viewer know they are watching a movie . by the time the ending rolled around my head was spinning from disbelief of how good this film was . the screenplay written by charlie kaufman was hilarious and often thought - provoking . the film also had a soft side to it and even though the ending is very surprising it is also a little sad and heart - warming . the whole movie was fantastic and had me rolling in the isles . from cameron diaz ', s appearence to john malkovich ', s explorations i laughed very hard  and it may as well be as funny as as good as it gets ( the funniest ! ) . there isn ', t a slow point in the movie  or an overused idea . there are no cliches except for the fact that this is the most original  inventie  witty  and smart movie i ', ve seen in a long time . i found myself amazed by everything : the direction  acting  writing and the whole idea of the movie . by the end i had to wonder why hollywood doesn ', t want to make movies like this anymore . or why they don ', t . all filmmakers watch this movie and get some ideas of movies to come out . this was a surprise hit as was american beauty . ', being john malkovich ', is in the top 5 movies of the year  and in the top 10 best films ever made . it has something that no other movies playing now has . in fact it may as well be the best movie out right now . i highly recommend ', being john malkovich ', and have no doubts you will be disappointed .
pos richard gere can be a commanding actor  but he ', s not always in great films . everything comes together here . gere is a big time chicago defense attorney who takes on a seemingly unwinable case in hopes of even more publicity . it doesn ', t go exactly as he expects . gere ', s client  aaron ( edward norton )  is a shy stuttering tennessee boy who is accused of brutally murdering and mutilating a catholic archbishop . the evidence is stacked against him . he was caught running from the scene covered in the bishop ', s blood . his bloody footprints are all over the murder scene . he has a relationship with the priest . gere talks to the boy  believes that he is actually innocent and sets about finding the real killer . despite the lawyer ', s proclamations that he doesn ', t care about the guilt of his clients and that the real thrill is gambling with people ', s lives  he becomes involved with aaron and is determined to free him . lots of complications and twists . the prosecuting attorney is gere ', s former co - worker and lover . they both work each other ', s motives to their legal advantages and it gets messy . her boss had major economic dealings with the archbishop that went sour and seems to have crime connections . aaron gets weirder and weirder as the trial goes on . gere ', s case is falling apart and he is faced with about a dozen ethical dilemmas . gere is exceptional as the well - dressed reserved counselor  but just once  i wanted to see him kick back and come out of his " suit " persona . even when he loses it  you don ', t see very far inside . norton ', s aaron is convincing : he comes across as the backwoods kid misplaced in the big city . the supporting cast does a fine job of holding together the story . as with most of the effective courtroom dramas  the cinematography is crisp and rich . the story will keep you on the edge of your seat . nothing is what it seems .
pos glory -- starring matthew broderick  denzel washington  and morgan freeman -- is the true story of the 54th regiment of massachusetts  the first black fighting unit recruited by the north during the civil war . broderick plays robert gould shaw  the young white officer who led the black soldiers into battle . shaw  the son of well - to - do abolitionists  hailed from boston high society . the letters he wrote home to his parents during the war are on display at harvard  and were  evidently  the inspiration for glory . as the film begins in 1862  shaw is a captain in the northern forces . like private eriksson ( michael j . fox ) in casualties of war  shaw initially is naive and idealistic about the war -- that is  until his company is attacked by enemy forces . shaw experiences first hand the horror and chaos of battle  witnessing mass slaughter and receiving a minor wound himself when a bullet grazes his neck . soon after his recovery  shaw is promoted to colonel and assigned to enlist and train blacks in the war effort . glory is the story not only of colonel shaw  but also of the black soldiers who laid down their lives to free their brothers from slavery . the film periodically jumps between shaw ', s point of view and the perspective of the black soldiers . the movie introduces us to a handful of black recruits  and we follow them from their enlistment through basic training and finally into action . the large black cast is uniformly outstanding  especially washington who is electrifying as a runaway slave with a big mouth . he is brash and pushy  always getting into trouble and always looking for a fight . his bitter  tough guy facade is really just a mask for his loneliness and vulnerability . washington provides much of the film ', s intensity and emotional power . in one heartbreaking scene  he is whipped for allegedly deserting the army . when he removes his shirt to receive the punishment  you cringe at the sight of his back  which is riddled with ugly scars from his days as a slave . it makes your blood boil . the humiliation of the beating is far more traumatic than the actual physical pain it brings ; a tear rolls down washington ', s cheek -- and will probably run down your cheek as well . the episode becomes even more tragic when we learn that washington wasn ', t deserting the army at all ; he left camp to look for shoes because his feet were covered with oozing sores . freeman is  as usual  a strong presence  even in a small supporting role . he plays a grave digger who has buried more white soldiers than he cares to remember . he quickly becomes a leader among the black soldiers  holding the group together and serving as a liaison to the white officers . colonel shaw recognizes freeman ', s leadership ability and promotes him to sergeant major  making him the first black officer in the army . andre braugher makes an impressive film debut in the role of thomas searles  a free black who is one of shaw ', s close childhood friends . searles is educated and refined  like a white man  prompting washington to nickname him " snow flake . " the burning question is whether searles is tough enough to survive basic training and to kill in combat . the road from marching drills to battle action is a bumpy one for the black regiment . the soldiers suffer innumerable hardships  but somehow they never lose their morale . the army treats the black soldiers like second class citizens  subjecting them to racism and discrimination . they are paid only $ 10 a month  whereas their white counterparts earn thirteen  and  for a long time  they have to go without shoes  guns  or uniforms . to make matters worse  the white military hierarchy is extremely reluctant to allow the blacks into action  preferring instead to use them for manual labor . eventually  however  the regiment receives its boots  uniforms  rifles  and right to fight  thanks to the stubborn resolve of colonel shaw . shaw has absolute faith in his soldiers  and he fights tooth and nail to get them what they deserve  even if it means threatening a general with blackmail . broderick  in fact  is most convincing in the scenes where shaw stands up for the regiment . unfortunately  however  broderick ', s uneven performance is  in many respects  the weak link in the movie . in an effort to look more mature  broderick sports a mustache and a goatee  and throughout the film he slips in and out of a phony boston accent . he is never altogether convincing as shaw since much of the time his emotions seem forced . the film places too much weight on broderick ', s character and not enough on the black soldiers  who are more intriguing . glory regains lost ground with its harrowing depiction of war . the movie shows the devastation of war without resorting to the unnecessarily graphic gore which marred born on the fourth of july . glory does not try to rattle you with nauseating blood and guts . except for a few bullet wounds and one exploding head  the film  for the most part  leaves the gore to your imagination  which is not to say that the battle scenes in glory are timid . to the contrary  they are chaotic and horrifying ; it ', s just that director edward zwick ( the co - creator of " thirtysomething " ) films them with far more subtlety and restraint than oliver stone could ever muster . the key to glory is the group dynamic among the black soldiers . the movie depicts some of ( but not enough of ) their customs and rituals . in one scene  for example  the soldiers motivate themselves by singing prayers around the campfire . each man has a chance to relay a few words of inspiration . a couple of the movie ', s most touching moments involve young black children looking up to the black soldiers with awe  disbelief and pride . the regiment ', s greatest triumph comes when the soldiers distinguish themselves in battle  thereby earning the respect of their white peers and earning the honor of leading the climactic assault on fort wagner . like any war film  glory has its share of gloom and despair  but ultimately it proves to be a truly uplifting experience and an important history lesson  a valuable reminder that despite what the history books say ( or  more precisely  what they do not say )  blacks played a critically important role in the north ', s victory over the south -- forever changing the evolution of america .
pos steven spielberg ', s second epic film on world war ii is an unquestioned masterpiece of film . spielberg  ever the student on film  has managed to resurrect the war genre by producing one of its grittiest  and most powerful entries . he also managed to cast this era ', s greatest answer to jimmy stewart  tom hanks  who delivers a performance that is nothing short of an astonishing miracle . for about 160 out of its 170 minutes  " saving private ryan " is flawless . literally . the plot is simple enough . after the epic d - day invasion ( whose sequences are nothing short of spectacular )  capt . john miller ( hanks ) and his team are forced to search for a pvt . james ryan ( damon )  whose brothers have all died in battle . once they find him  they are to bring him back for immediate discharge so that he can go home . accompanying miller are his crew  played with astonishing perfection by a group of character actors that are simply sensational . barry pepper  adam goldberg  vin diesel  giovanni ribisi  davies  and burns are the team sent to find one man  and bring him home . the battle sequences that bookend the film are extraordinary . literally . there is nothing in film that has ever been recorded that will prepare you for the sheer onslaught of terrorizing violence in the film ', s first 20 minutes . spielberg films almost the entire movie without music  leaving it up to the characters to generate emotion  and they do to perfection . the sequences in france  all of them  beginning with the battle and ending with the battle  are fabulous  especially the dialogues between the men as they walk through the hills and countrysides  trying to save private ryan . there are no words i can use to describe the true horror and power of these sequences . this is what coppola was looking for in " apocalypse now "  but couldn ', t create . the sheer horror of these sequences all but condemn war . the performance by hanks as the leader of this gang is also extraordinary . he is head and shoulders above of the rest of the actors in the world  with his comic timing  dramatic flair  his quiet emotion that stirs an entire nation to tears . hanks is this country ', s finest actor  and he proves it here . however  spielberg almost destroys his own masterpiece . with a chance to make it the one of the greatest films of all time  spielberg creates 10 minutes of purely worthless film . the sequence involving army chief - of - stafff george marshall and mrs . ryan is decent  but doesn ', t hold up to the rest of the film  relying on wartime cliches to power it . but that is forgivable . what isn ', t is the bookends of the film  the cemetary sequences . the first one is quite good  a decent introduction into the lives of these men . the last sequence is atrocious . the forced emotion  accompanied by a ridiculous piece of music  is simply horrible compared to the rest of the magical film . these flaws are what downgrade " ryan " from the greatest film of our era  to the greatest war film of our era . spielberg should have trusted his own material  and he should have trusted hanks to deliver the most chilling line of the movie  to end his masterpiece right there . the use of the flag  though patriotic  is in contrast to the movie ', s theme . the power of the bulk of the film  however  is astonishing . spielberg has truly made a wondrous work of art  that persists even after first viewing of the film  is extraordinary . this is the film of the year .
pos truman ( " true - man " ) burbank is the perfect name for jim carrey ', s character in this film . president truman was an unassuming man who became known worldwide  in spite of ( or was it because of ) his stature . " truman " also recalls an era of plenty following a grim war  an era when planned communities built by government scientists promised an idyllic life for americans . and burbank  california  brings to mind the tonight show and the home of nbc . if hollywood is the center of the film world  burbank is  or was  the center of tv ', s world  the world where our protagonist lives . combine all these names and concepts into " truman burbank  " and you get something that well describes him and his artificial world . truman leads the perfect life . his town  his car  and his wife are picture perfect . his idea of reality comes under attack one day when a studio light falls from the sky . the radio explains that an overflying airplane started coming apart . . . but then why would an airplane be carrying a studio light ? the next day during the drive to work  the radio jams and he starts picking up a voice that exactly describes his movements . he is so distracted that he nearly hits a pedestrian . when the radio comes back to normal  the announcer warns listeners to drive carefully . his suspicion aroused  he wanders around the town square looking for other oddities . the world appears to be functioning properly until he enters an office building and tries to take the elevator . the elevator doors open up on a small lounge with people on coffee breaks . a grip sees truman him and quickly moves a paneled door  made to look like the back of an elevator  into place . two security guards grab him and throw him out . truman is really suspicious now . it gets even worse the next day when his wife  a nurse  describes an elevator accident in the building where he saw the lounge . " it ', s best not to think about it  " she says  trying vainly to change truman ', s memory . truman becomes determined to see who or what is behind this apparently elaborate hoax at his expense . at every turn he is stopped by an amazing coincidence that just happens to keep him in his own little town . his last hope is to quell his fear of the ocean and sail to the edge of the world . you know by now that truman ', s life is the subject of a television program . his actions are " real " but everything else is carefully scripted  from the death of his father to the choice of his wife . truman is determined to find out what the big hoax is . meanwhile  christof  the all - seeing creator of truman ', s world does his best to keep him unaware and happy . it ', s sort of like westworld told from the robots ', point of view  or jurassic park from the dinosaurs ', point of view . we root for the captive of the cage - world . our protagonist is counting on " chaos theory " to help him escape his elaborate trap . the story  written by andrew niccol ( writer / director of gattaca )  introduces some interesting questions  such as the ethics of subjecting a person to this type of life  or the psychological impact of learning that your entire life has all been fake . although these questions came to mind  i don ', t think the film itself asked them . it certainly didn ', t address them or try to answer them . i was particularly disappointed that the film didn ', t deal more with the trauma of learning one ', s life is a tv show . carrey ', s performance at the end showed a smidgen of truman ', s pain  but i almost felt that he got over it too easily for the sake of the film ', s pacing . earlier in the movie i found myself wondering if it would be better for truman to find out the truth or whether i should root for him to be well . the two seemed exclusive of one another  but weir and niccol didn ', t see it that way . perhaps it ', s not fair to criticize a movie for what it isn ', t  but it seems like there were some missed opportunities here . but on its own terms  the movie is well made . sight  sound and pacing are all handled competently . much of the first part of the movie is the truman show . the scenes are all apparently shot from hidden cameras  with snoots and obstructions covering the corners of the screen . one hidden camera is apparently in his car radio  the green led numbers obscuring the lower part of the screen . the music is well - chosen and scored . the film opens with what sounds like family drama theme music  when truman ', s world is still beautiful and perfect . when the movie ends  the score sounds more like a frantic  driven  tangerine dream opus  while still keeping the same timbre . philip glass ', epic music ( from powaqqatsi ) permeates truman ', s scenes of suspicion and awakening . ( glass has a small cameo as a keyboardist for the show . ) and the pacing of the story was brisk . there was no unnecessarily long setup explaining the concept behind the truman show  just a few quick title cards  a few interviews  and then right into the show  and the movie . one of the first scenes is of the studio light falling ; there was no token scene of truman ', s idyllic life before it falls apart  because it wasn ', t necessary  we pick up the story at the first sign of trouble  and no sooner . there ', s also no point in the movie where the plot slows down . it ', s a quick  straight shot to the movie ', s end . in terms of overall quality  i would compare the truman show to niccol ', s gattaca . both films are well made with interesting stories set in interesting worlds . but neither film really felt like it capitalized on all the great ideas ; neither film " clicked " and became an instant classic . nevertheless  i look forward to niccol ', s next film  whatever it may be .